[Help] How do you guys work out calories with fitbits?
Created: Wed Nov 14 15:33:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x4yiu/how_do_you_guys_work_out_calories_with_fitbits/
So according to lose it I have to eat 956 calories to lose 2lbs a week and with my fitbit taking 8,000 steps I burn 1,800 calories.

How would I mesh those? How does it work?

I usually just ignore it and try to stay under the calories (hard when I'm trying to eat normally so no one suspects im slipping) but I want to get .... better and being worse?

[Rant/Rave] I feel like I’ve gained a million pounds
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 105-107 | UGW: 94 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 14 15:19:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x4ub3/i_feel_like_ive_gained_a_million_pounds/
According to MFP I should be losing a pound a week for the past month or so, even though I haven’t been meeting my goals AT ALL. But I feel so huge. I know that there’s no way I’ve fucked up counting so badly that I’m actually gaining even though it says I’m losing, but I feel like I look so flabby and huge. I used to be so good at this. I once did two weeks of eating nothing and running for an hour every day. And now I can’t even keep my intake until 800 cals. I was really hoping to be at my GW for thanksgiving 🙁. I moved in with my boyfriend and it’s so hard to restrict around him.

I've gained so much weight recently I feel disgusting, only my hands stop me from being completely dysphoric :(
Created: Wed Nov 14 15:03:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x4oxa/ive_gained_so_much_weight_recently_i_feel/

[Rant/Rave] TIP: dont break fasts with pickles
/u/arthroego [20F / -45.4 / gw : -80]
Created: Wed Nov 14 14:57:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x4n01/tip_dont_break_fasts_with_pickles/
this is so TMI but i dont know where else to go for advice/support

so i hadnt eaten in ~24-30 hours. felt kinda shitty, so i ate 3 bags of those hot pickle bites bc oooo low calorie. what could POSSIBLY go wrong

thought i was going to fart

i fucking shit myself.

it finally happened. does this mean i actually have a problem now lmao. like worst part is i was just like ah so its like that now. i wonder if i lost water weight. wtf is WRONG WITH ME

but ALSO



WHAT DO I DO????? im reading a wikihow on pet diarrhea on a carpet lmao but its a light colored one that isnt even mine its my FUCKING ROOMMATES so any sanitation and anti staining tips pls help i want to fucking die at least she wasnt home

I’m not my ed
Created: Wed Nov 14 14:56:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x4mrb/im_not_my_ed/
I’m sick and tired of people pushing me away when I open up to them about my ed and relationship with food. They come to me and want to have a deep connection, they come to me and want to know more about me, but when I tell them about me and what makes me do the things I do, they push me away.

This has happened before, and they treat me like I’m not a person with other traits. They treat me like I’m just the disorder. They forget every single other aspect of me and just associate me as “the girl with an ed”. Like ???

I’m not a toxic person. I’m not pushing my ed on others. It takes me a very long time to open up to people to begin with, and when I feel like I can trust someone with this sensitive information about myself and then they just do this to me.

Sorry if this is all over the place. I’m just frustrated.

Just a reminder that guys, you’re not your disorder. You have so many other amazing qualities. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re just your disorder.

Life's too short to buy cheap pickles
Created: Wed Nov 14 14:55:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x4mby/lifes_too_short_to_buy_cheap_pickles/

I rarely cook meals
Created: Wed Nov 14 14:13:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x46tt/i_rarely_cook_meals/
I just realized I don't really cook meals when I'm restricting or even when I'm not lol. It's little snacks throughout the day, the occasional oatmeal packet, or salad. When ppl ask me what I ate that day (which why are you even asking me that???) I usually freeze and have to scramble. Or when someone asks what my favorite meals to make are I have no idea! Even when I'm in a mood and have given up on restricting I really don't make meals. I just eat snacks. Obligatory "does anyone else??"

[Rant/Rave] Why TF am I so weird about what I eat???!!!
Created: Wed Nov 14 14:03:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x42za/why_tf_am_i_so_weird_about_what_i_eat/
My family had planned on having pesto pasta for dinner - if anything I was excited for it! I made the pasta and being the idiot I am I didn’t make enough pasta so I didn’t give myself any lmao. Was feeling proud of myself until I got hungry while doing homework and had to eat... decided I didn’t want food and something too high calorie - I made myself an oat milk hot chocolate (roughly 200cal?) yet that’s making me panic and making me feel like a fat fuck. How TF was I gonna be fine with 400+cal pasta but this panics me??!!!!!!!

Moving back to my hometown of Chicago--don't want anyone to recognize me
/u/gigi-has-issues [5'9"| CW 155| GW 115| F]
Created: Wed Nov 14 13:59:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x41wj/moving_back_to_my_hometown_of_chicagodont_want/
Grew up and went to university in Chicago.Growing up I was borderline obese (200lbs at 5'9" ). I restricted and was bulimic but my weight never got into the healthy range and I yo-yo-ed a lot. When I graduated, I lost the extra weight and actually became pretty slim. I've posted pictures a couple pictures on Facebook since then so obviously people have seen that I'm a lot thinner but since I hate taking pics they actually were never of my low weights, just healthy BMI. I

Next fall I'm moving back to Chicago (most likely) and I want to lose an additional 40lbs by then. I am also about to get fillers. I don't want ANYONE who used to know me to recognize me. I just like the idea of a fresh start. I know it's unlikely to even run into someone from childhood or college in a city that big but then again maybe not. I just have this weird fantasy of meeting someone I already know but they think I'm someone else. My personality also changed a lot for the better (read: was spoiled brat) and I'd kind of like to forget what a fat, snotty loser i was.

[Rant/Rave] hey guys and gals and enby pals
/u/sexsymboI [5'9 | CW: 145lbs | UGW: 115lbs | 18F ]
Created: Wed Nov 14 13:56:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x4123/hey_guys_and_gals_and_enby_pals/
ive been ghost for the last liddle while cause i BEEN bingeing n now im up five pounds wooooo. didn't think id become one of those stereotypical canadians who has a timmies latte every day but i need my large french vanilla apparently (430 cals!!!!!) so thats been adding up

im legitimately broke now though so 🤘☺️🤘 i cant afford it anymore yay!

I hate everything about how my body reacts to food.
/u/Flesh-And-Bone [Too Short | Too Fat | Too Old | Duderino]
Created: Wed Nov 14 13:54:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x40fi/i_hate_everything_about_how_my_body_reacts_to_food/
Breaking my fast? Great. Food hits the stomach. Feel full.


Me: No.


Me: No.

[Twenty minutes later.]

Body: I'm full. Good thing you didn't eat more!

With bonus points for:

Body: FEED ME IT'S URGENT ^(lol j/k I was actually thirsty)

[Help] Really sunken eyes, bad bags, I’m pale and look like a corpse. How do you guys deal?
Created: Wed Nov 14 13:49:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x3zd6/really_sunken_eyes_bad_bags_im_pale_and_look_like/
Are there any good makeup products u guys recommend? Or face creams, or anything like that? I’m not ready to recover yet but I’ve started to look Really dead. It’s brought down my self esteem more than I thought possible. Now my body looks better but I have the face of a decomposing corpse. All the concealers I’ve used barely work at all. I have a skincare routine which I follow religiously but It doesn’t help either. How do you guys deal with this?? Or is there nothing I can do to fix this other than recovering?

[Tip] Serious PSA: Selenium deficiency is very common in anorexic patients and can cause heart failure
/u/icthaine [🎍| 5'8" | 21.7 | -24 | 23M]
Created: Wed Nov 14 13:43:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x3x8z/serious_psa_selenium_deficiency_is_very_common_in/
Guys, most of us already know that anorexia has the highest mortality rate of any psychiatric disorder. The main causes of sudden death in eating disorders are those related to **cardiovascular** complications.

There are a billion nutritional deficiencies common in EDs (potassium, sodium, chloride, etc), and a billion conditions that come with those deficiencies (hypokalemia, hypophosphatemia, anemia, etc), but considering that:

A) **Heart failure is the leading cause of death** and

B) **Selenium deficiencies** ***can*** **and** ***will*** **cause heart failure,** are **so prevalent** (1 in 3 patients with restrictive subtype, 1 in 4 with BP subtype) and NEVER mentioned in terms of care for anorexia, I wanted to make the SparkNotes version of an informational post to remind everyone to keep an eye out.

Selenium is an antioxidant that plays parts in myocardial health, mood regulation and protection against infection. It functions collaboratively with other antioxidant micronutrients such as vitamin E and C.

**Selenium deficiency** can cause (among other things) oxidative damage to many organs, which can take the form of skeletal myopathy (**muscle atrophy**) and cardiomyopathy (**heart muscle disease**), such as white muscle disease. **Observable symptoms** include muscle weakness, hair loss, fatigue, mental fog, weakened immune system. (Note: Hair loss can be caused by many deficiencies like iron, zinc, protein, and vitamins A,D, and E, but selenium is definitely on the list. Might help if that’s a symptom you experience.)

All of those are symptoms of fasting and prolonged starvation as well. All of them. Selenium deficiency has very few observable symptoms to begin with, and it’s even harder for us to notice those symptoms, so it’s more worth being vigilant.

The National Institutes of Health recommends that people over the age of 14 try to get **55 micrograms** (mcg) **of selenium per day**. It’s most often found in seafood, meat, dairy, and grains, which unfortunately make up very little of restrictive diets and is likely the cause of such a frequent deficiency. Your best bet is likely mushrooms or spinach if you’re looking for the lowest calories.

**Selenium rich foods** in vague order of lowest to highest calories:

* Spinach: 1 cup - 16% DV
* Shiitake mushrooms: 1 cup cooked - 65% DV
* Portabella mushrooms: 1 cup cooked - 48% DV
* Eggs (60% of the selenium is in the yolk, only 40% in the albumen, so if you can manage the whole egg, that would be ideal): 1 whole egg - 21% DV
* Cottage cheese: 1/2 cup, 1% milkfat - 15% DV
* Firm tofu: 1/2 cup - 40% DV
* Shrimp: 3 oz - 57% DV
* Turkey: boneless, roasted, 3 oz: 44% DV
* Chicken, light meat, roasted, 3 oz: 31% DV
* Tuna, yellowfin, cooked, 3 oz: 131% DV
* Ham: roasted, 3 oz - 67% DV
* Oysters: 3oz - 238% DV
* This is my favorite one: Brazil nuts are stupid high in Se. One nut is 30 calories and more than 100% your daily intake. One nut

A quick Google search (or the lists I have linked below) will yield more comprehensive results.

A lot of the times **100% of the DV is already in daily multivitamins**, which I would recommend taking if you aren’t already! I would check the ones you have now. Otherwise, it’s often in thyroid and antioxidant-centered supplements.

My main reference was the first link listed below in the citations — Micronutrient Status in 153 Patients with Anorexia Nervosa, a study done on 153 patients with AN-R and AN-BP published in March 2017. The **most commonly occurring micronutrient deficiencies** in AN were **vitamin B9, vitamin A**, and **selenium**. I would keep vitamins B9 and A in mind too, do your homework, etc. I was so thrown off by selenium (which I knew shit-all about until now), that I wanted to give it a personal shout out. With a disease that’s very easily life or death, the more you know about it, the better.

If anyone has any corrections or additions, feel free to mention them and I’ll edit this post if need be!

**Lists of Selenium-Rich Foods**:

Selenium Fact Sheet for Health Professionals (scroll down for the table): [https://ods.od.nih.gov/factsheets/Selenium-HealthProfessional/](https://ods.od.nih.gov/factsheets/Selenium-HealthProfessional/)

Top 10 Foods Highest in Selenium: [https://www.myfooddata.com/articles/foods-high-in-selenium.php](https://www.myfooddata.com/articles/foods-high-in-selenium.php)

20 Foods Rich in Selenium: [https://www.healthline.com/health/selenium-foods](https://www.healthline.com/health/selenium-foods)

**Other Citations**:

Micronutrient Status in 153 Patients with Anorexia Nervosa: [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5372888/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5372888/)

White muscle disease in humans: myopathy caused by selenium deficiency in anorexia nervosa under long term total parenteral nutrition: [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1736684/pdf/v067p00829.pdf](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1736684/pdf/v067p00829.pdf)

Sudden death in eating disorders: [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3292410/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3292410/)

Diet and hair loss: effects of nutrient deficiency and supplement use: [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5315033/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5315033/)

Selenium Deficiency: [https://www.healthline.com/health/selenium-deficiency#treatment](https://www.healthline.com/health/selenium-deficiency#treatment)

Good ed entertainment?
/u/whatsupbitchezzz [20F | 5'2" CW 107 | HW 130 | GW2 105 UGW 100]
Created: Wed Nov 14 13:31:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x3tej/good_ed_entertainment/
I just blew my whole day's calories so it's looking like Diet Coke and Youtube for dinner!

My favorites to watch are Amberlynn Reid and my 600 pound life clips, but I think I've watched every single video ever posted of each. Recommendations would be appreciated.

[Help] doctor suspects ED
/u/dollydomer [5'6 | 107.8|GW 100 |F]
Created: Wed Nov 14 13:30:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x3sw8/doctor_suspects_ed/
okay sooo i have chronic back pain and worsened scoliosis so i got a ton of x rays on my lumbar spine and a full scoliosis series. my pediatrician saw that i have an eating disorder in my file, but everyone believes that after treatment i have been perfectly fine and recovered. my scans were sent to my pediatrician and she called my mom and said that my bones looked malnourished.

first question: what does that mean?

she said that i need to go back in for a follow up and i will probably get a blood test.

second: what will she test for? im guessing vitamins but does anyone know what vitamins?

thanks for the help y’all are amazing

Used to have a 'perfect' ED
Created: Wed Nov 14 13:26:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x3rqn/used_to_have_a_perfect_ed/
throwaway because I don't want anyone to know about this, but I'm so glad I found this sub.


Anyway, I've been struggling with disordered eating for about 10 years now (christ). Some years have been much better than others.


What I always come back to is that when I first developed an ED (the first year or so), I feel like I had the perfect system. I ate 1000-1200 calories per day. Every day. I never binged. I feel like I didn't even know binging was an "option" as dumb as that sounds. And since I was a teen, I didn't have a way to buy my own food anyway. I never purged and still haven't, thankfully. (Well, I purge in the sense that some people say overexercising can be 'purging' but y'know.) Mentally, I wasn't fully disordered. Since I never went over my calorie goals and was consistently losing weight, I never felt guilty. But I know that restricting with the goal of being underweight is disordered in a way.


Yeah, I was underweight, but the doctors weren't really concerned because I was otherwise healthy. In fact, they seemed happy with it.


Tbh, rather than recovering, I'd rather reach back to that state. I try to channel my former self but it's such a struggle now for some reason. I feel like I'm making progress in the last month though.


Can ANYONE relate to me? I've never found anyone with a similar story even on pro ED sites.



"Wow I relate! . . .wait that's my post from a month ago"
Created: Wed Nov 14 13:18:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x3p53/wow_i_relate_wait_thats_my_post_from_a_month_ago/
I was scrolling and not paying attention and I started reading a post I left and was all like wow that describes me perfectly I'm gonna reply. Then I realized I wrote it.

Unrelated to this, anyone have good experiences in therapy? I mean does it help you change the way you view yourself? I like my therapist but I'm feeling hopeless. Been in therapy for over a year.

[Help] In a bit of a rut?
Created: Wed Nov 14 13:15:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x3o2h/in_a_bit_of_a_rut/
I watched soemthing about a girl with anorexia who died because of her refusal to eat. Although I'm no where near that it hit me that if I continue like this for too long that I could die or not be able to have kids or whatever you guys know what I mean. I had a sudden spark today to lose weight the healthy way and to tell my dad who I trust the most about all this and get help. Thoughts?

Does anyone have Kik?
/u/cutthroat12 [27yo |5'6"| CW:130 | HW: 160 | GW: 110]
Created: Wed Nov 14 13:11:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x3mya/does_anyone_have_kik/

Christmas Chow :((
Created: Wed Nov 14 13:11:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x3mrr/christmas_chow/
Okay okay I know, Christmas in a month ish. But still I want to be ready. Does anyone have any good advice at getting through Christmas?

Most people when they think Christmas, think about all of the food. I made a list of things to do at Christmas that aren’t good related... but the issue lies with foods constant presence.

It’s left out to snack on, it’s being cooked, you can smell it, you have to eat with relatives who don’t know about the issue (or will do when they see your weight loss from last year), the stockings, the chocolate, the constant snacks and food gifts.

How do I deal with this? My mum knows and will try to help me eat a small meal (I won’t eat it lmao).
But most important, how to I avoid a late night binge of every food I didn’t eat in the day/a mid day binge when everyone leaves the room?
Plz help I’m fully lying awake at night thinking about this.

Wanna lose weight? Have kids!!
Created: Wed Nov 14 13:01:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x3jnn/wanna_lose_weight_have_kids/
You won’t have time to eat, and you’ll constantly be moving around!! Bonus points for a baby that loves airplane and being tossed in the air! I just had a baby a few months ago. I was overweight before, but since having a baby I’ve lost the pregnancy weight and like 35 lbs extra. Breastfeeding on top of being huge before getting pregnant really inflates the amount of weight you can lose in a short period of time. It makes me want to breastfeed until my kid is 6 lmaooo. I am soo hungry all the time, but it almost makes me feel powerful. I still eat around 1,000 calories a day and take my prenatal. I even have an oversupply of milk. I really need to lose the weight now before my kid is too old. I don’t want her picking up my ED behaviors. Any other new moms here? I’d love to pick each other’s brains!

[Goal] I haven’t drank or binged for a whole ass day. A small victory I know. But this is pretty big for me.
Created: Wed Nov 14 12:52:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x3gnt/i_havent_drank_or_binged_for_a_whole_ass_day_a/

Let’s talk stereotypes
/u/BluntCakes_ [5’7 | CW117.9 | 18.47 | GW112 | 18F]
Created: Wed Nov 14 12:46:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x3eoc/lets_talk_stereotypes/
What’s *the* anorexic girl stereotypes? What do you think they are? How do you feel about the glamorexic stereotype?

[Discussion] DAE find it's easier to restrict when your place is clean?
/u/i-awesomesauce-you [5'5" | CW: 150 lbs | GW: 111 lbs | F | 24]
Created: Wed Nov 14 12:46:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x3efr/dae_find_its_easier_to_restrict_when_your_place/
I've been in a binge cycle for god fucking knows how long now. Life has been shit for months, my apartment has been a MESS, and I've gained 23 pounds. But last weekend we had guests coming over and so my bf and I cleaned/organized our place and miraculously I don't feel the need to binge anymore. After months and months of not even trying to count calories because I know I'll hate myself when it's like 5000+ per day, I managed to not only count calories yesterday but kept it under 1100! I'm over the moon right now guys - I forgot what having some semblance of control actually feels like and I am fucking high on this feeling!

How to make sunken eyes/bags less noticeable??
Created: Wed Nov 14 12:45:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x3ebu/how_to_make_sunken_eyesbags_less_noticeable/
Are there any good makeup products u guys recommend? Or face creams, or anything like that? I’m not ready to recover yet but I’ve started to look Really dead. It’s brought down my self esteem more than I thought possible. Now my body looks good but I have the face of a decomposing corpse. All the concealers I’ve used barely work at all. I have a skincare routine which I follow religiously but It doesn’t help either. How do you guys deal with this??

New years body
Created: Wed Nov 14 12:45:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x3e68/new_years_body/
I see a friend of mine i havent seen since i was like 10 lbs lighter on new years and i wanna be like 30 lbs down from what i am today. anybody else have crazy weight loss dreams? I think if i eat like 300 cal a day i’ll at least be down like 15 but... has anybody lost this much weight that fast? i need like ... proof that i can do this

I haven't binged for a full 2 weeks!
Created: Wed Nov 14 12:44:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x3duv/i_havent_binged_for_a_full_2_weeks/
I'm so amazed at myself and just wanted to share! I've gone from 2000-5000 calorie binges (daily) to managing to track everything I ate for 2 weeks and staying at or under my daily calorie goal (1200 max, averaging 900-1000 currently). BED has done a number on my body and mind and it feels so good to be taking back some control!

i weighed myself for the first time after a long depressive episode and it’s almost enough to put me back into one
Created: Wed Nov 14 12:39:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x3c7r/i_weighed_myself_for_the_first_time_after_a_long/
my best friend killed himself in january, he was really my only friend and the only good thing in my life and i’m still not even remotely okay. i didn’t see the point in starving because i was planning on following him so i just ate and drank everything that i’d been denying myself for years. i was so numb and empty and it lasted for months and then as i slowly started to wake up i just couldn’t get back into the rhythm of restricting or fasting even though i used to go without for a week easily or eat one 300 calorie meal a day.

i weighed myself today and i’ve gained 4 stone. i was at my lowest ever weight, almost to my end goal weight, and now i’m 4 stone heavier and i have to acknowledge that i’ve done all this to myself, all the times i chose to order take out and fried food or drink 2 litre bottles of coke and just kept eating knowing what it was doing to me i just ignored it all and did it anyway and now i can’t stand to look at myself.

The state of my life
/u/Foureyedlemon [5"4 | SW: 130 | CW: 116.4 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 14 12:37:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x3bo8/the_state_of_my_life/
Currently crying in the subway parking lot trying to decide if I want the calories or not. Before this I was crying deciding between caribou and subway

How do normal people just... eat? Without planning their day around it?

Chicken or the egg
/u/shortLavender [5'3"| cw:125 | gw1:120 | gw2:115]
Created: Wed Nov 14 12:26:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x37z6/chicken_or_the_egg/
So... Did this crippling depression come with the eating disorder or did my eating disorder begin because of the depression. I swear the answer changes by the minute.

Just when I was starting to think that maybe I could make it the rest of the week without freaking out over every single calorie that has been planned (meeting with family tonight, tomorrow, and Friday. All pizza and sushi themed).

[Help] Does drinking a shit ton of water actually help with bloating from eating too much salt?
/u/im-stressed-af-fam [5'3 | UGW: 108 | CW: binged]
Created: Wed Nov 14 12:25:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x37qa/does_drinking_a_shit_ton_of_water_actually_help/
Need to get rid of this water retention fast. I'm bloated af and my face looks like a moon. Should I drown myself with water today or will it not do anything?

[Rant/Rave] I’m doing this
Created: Wed Nov 14 12:22:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x36ow/im_doing_this/
I have not been suffering with anxiety about food for this long for NOTHING. I’ve always had a hard time restricting even though I don’t even eat that much in the first place but today I realized that I’ve been stuck in this rut of not losing just stuck and it’s not fair. I will not continue suffering without RESULTS so I’m going into a full gear

/u/SkinnyFatActually [5’2”| 98 lb|-12| F| 17.9]
Created: Wed Nov 14 12:16:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x34wh/_/

when you fall asleep at 11p like an adult
Created: Wed Nov 14 12:15:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x34kp/when_you_fall_asleep_at_11p_like_an_adult/

your dumbass doesn't wake up till 1p on the busiest day of your life and you miss work, class, and aren't prepared for a test~

also, you haven't done laundry or filled your big ass brita filter full of water or meal planned for anything and your shit for tomorrow is alllll over the place.

this is fine. 🙃🙃🙃

Low calorie/High protein diet
/u/ThePinkPandaHugger [5'2 | CW:134 | BMI: 24.5 |-12 | F | GW: 100]
Created: Wed Nov 14 12:05:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x313s/low_caloriehigh_protein_diet/
I can't seem to find any information on this. Is there any negative impact to doing a low calorie (low restriction) diet with high protein (getting most of my protein from Whey/protein shakes to keep the calories low)?


[Help] Are you suffering from period/hormone binge? I have something that might help
Created: Wed Nov 14 11:58:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x2yzg/are_you_suffering_from_periodhormone_binge_i_have/
I know this isn't very inclusive since not everyone had a period, but for those who have a regular menstrual cycle, I think it would help. I downloaded "Hormone Horoscope" onto my Android and holy crap - it's awesome. You put in your cycle and it gives you a forecast into how your hormones will be acting that - including days where you're more likely to binge, bloat or the best days to stick to a diet. Honestly - for days where I fail completely at my 24 hour fast or binge, 99% of the time it's from hormones. It gives me some piece of mind that I'm not a huge failure AND I can plan cheat meals around it (ex. my week 3 is binge city, so plan to have a chip and dip fest that night and blame it on my cycle).


I mean, it helps with other stuff too lol but I beat myself up less knowing that it's a progesterone thing.

I feel like my relationship with food is going to ruin my relationship with my boyfriend.
/u/OtherEgg2018 [5.5" |HW 227 lbs|CW:153.6 lbs|GW: 120 lbs| 23F]
Created: Wed Nov 14 11:53:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x2x8e/i_feel_like_my_relationship_with_food_is_going_to/
I feel constantly guilty over the fact my eating is so difficult. I’m either binging in secret for weeks or restricting with over exercising. it’s a constant cycle of exhaustion. I feel like i’m always arguing about calories or eating out because I can only bring myself to have one restaurant a meal a week, and even that sometimes feels like too much. I feel like he’s going to resent for me for the fact we don’t go out very often when I know he wants too. I usually do all the cooking because im stressed he’ll use something with extra calories in the food, I always watch like a hawk (not that i think he would try to sabotage me or anything) I just can’t give up the control of knowing exactly what i’m eating. I weigh 80% of everything I have with a food scale. Sometimes I can see that i’m acting crazy about food and I don’t know what to do. He tries to be supportive and stuff I guess. I just feel like i’m ruining everything

TLDR:How do you guys cope with food / living with your partner and having meals together

[Rant/Rave] Great day at work for comments on my butt.
Created: Wed Nov 14 11:43:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x2twe/great_day_at_work_for_comments_on_my_butt/
Not sure how we got on the subject, but one of my coworkers commented on how I had no ass. Second coworker chimed in to defend me I guess, and said “Are you kidding? She has a huge ass!”

I don’t even know which comment hurt more but okay

[Discussion] Goals?
Created: Wed Nov 14 11:38:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x2s78/goals/
I’m curious, what are your goals. Like goal weight, goal body feature (ankle bones, ribs etc.). When will you stop (if you will...)

For me I just want prominent ankle bones.

[Help] anti-deps and weight
Created: Wed Nov 14 11:36:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x2riw/antideps_and_weight/
i just got prescribed zoloft because ya girl is just unstable and i’m ready to function and not want to off myself every day.

i have a chronic illness and tbh anything i eat makes me feel like shit bc of it. so i eat the simplest food and border on an ED but i still binge ben & jerry’s every once in awhile for good measure.

i really don’t want to gain weight on zoloft. i don’t care how vain that sounds. i finally feel free and happy in my body after losing extra weight i was carrying due to OTHER meds i was on.

i expressed concern to my doctor and she seemed kind of offended when i mentioned weight gain and she said it was just a stigma and that it was a naive comment. but like.... i know a girl who’s taken psych/SSRI meds and has *literally* gained 90lbs since starting them. i was also on paxil and gained 20lbs in two months when i was young. so i know it’s not just fucking naivety.

halp. i want to not be such a depressed mess and be able to function but i also don’t wanna gain. is it as simple as will-power, or will it actually alter my metabolism?

i hit a new GW, and was gonna reward myself with having my dad bring home Chick-fil-a (my kryptonite) but no no no, these are the moments i need to catch myself in lmao 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️
Created: Wed Nov 14 11:28:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x2p07/i_hit_a_new_gw_and_was_gonna_reward_myself_with/

[Rant/Rave] Lying to my psychiatrist
/u/LanayruPromenade [5'2" | cw: 126 | gw: 106]
Created: Wed Nov 14 11:16:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x2kx1/lying_to_my_psychiatrist/
Went to the psychiatrist today. I told her I've been taking me meds (I haven't); that I've been feeling great and had no thoughts of suicide ideation (I haven't); that I haven't been purging (I have) and that life, while arduous at times is improving (it isn't).


The only thing I said that was remotely honest was that I haven't been sleeping well. She said she would subscribe me some sleeping pills (she really shouldn't, but I might take her up on her offer).


I've been spiraling out of control, yet don't want to stop myself. This is the slowest form of suicide...

Sorta just dont wanna eat?
Created: Wed Nov 14 11:11:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x2ja7/sorta_just_dont_wanna_eat/
I would classify myself as bulimic, but I ve had like 1000 calories maybe in the past 3 days and am almost at my gw. I think the trick is to just hate yourself and cry inside a lot? I dont wanna eat i sorta just hope i get struck by lighting. Weird flex but ig I'll take it lol

Tracking my cycle...
/u/coffeehearts [5'5" | 27 |CW 118.6 | 19.7 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 14 11:10:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x2iyw/tracking_my_cycle/
I just used my r/proed post history to track my monthly cycle. LOL the shame. I need a period tracking app.

Or maybe I should just start adding it to my flair :P (I kid)

About to shame eat an entire Little Skeezers cheese pizza
Created: Wed Nov 14 11:09:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x2isi/about_to_shame_eat_an_entire_little_skeezers/
2000 cals. On top of the 1500 cals worth of donuts that broke today. Why am I telling you all? Because I need this to be more real than “oh ho ho hah ha haaaaaa ED brain, lalala it’s fine!”

No it’s not fine. I fucked up. I will keep fucking up. I will never be happy. And even though i could maybe salvage this day, maybe fast for the rest of it, i know I can’t. I can’t win in an argument with myself....

[Discussion] Discovered a nifty binge killer last night
/u/little_tiny_pumpkin [5'5.5'' | CW 116.2 | BMI 19.0 | HW 136 | LW 90 | 27F]
Created: Wed Nov 14 11:08:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x2ic3/discovered_a_nifty_binge_killer_last_night/
This might not sound too exciting to any of you, or maybe you have much better suggestions, but anyways.

I was stuck in an I-need-to-empty-my-apartment-of-all-chocolate loop and was about to open an old box of those Nature Valley protein granola bars (190 a piece for only 9g of protein?? fuck off) when I had an idea!
**Rice cake (35) + Trader Joe's Better'n Peanut Butter Spread (50 cal per tbsp)**
I usually don't like the stuff on an everyday basis cause it's a lot sweeter than regular pb, but that was PERFECT for when I wanted to eat a bunch of filling, sickeningly sweet shit. I only had one at the end of my mini-binge and it was enough to make me too full to continue. 85-100 cal was soooo much better than the 760 I was about to plow through.

What're y'alls favorite "binge killers"?

[Rant/Rave] Baffled at the kind of ads Instagram chooses to show me...
/u/FlabbyWhiteThighs [5'4"|~117|23F]
Created: Wed Nov 14 11:06:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x2hpm/baffled_at_the_kind_of_ads_instagram_chooses_to/
SO. MUCH. SHAPEWEAR. Spanx galore, in every other ad for the past month or so. It’s excessive!!! I’m not underweight yet, but I’ve always been below average, people have always called me “tiny,” and I wear XS and size 0. It’s kind of ridiculous and childish to have this kind of reaction but I feel almost offended that Instagram has decided that I need to see these ads, and I wish I knew what’s triggering their algorithm to make them pop up all the time. Kind of does a number on my self esteem. I just want to know why!

Also, I don’t really like to see naked bellies flopping in and out of shapewear every time I scroll through Instagram. Maybe that’s “fatphobic” or just the ED talking but it’s a little disturbing to see in that context.

[Rant/Rave] I didn't break!
/u/scaledrops [5'8" | CW: 186.8 | -10.2 | i do art | F16]
Created: Wed Nov 14 11:00:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x2fpi/i_didnt_break/
Small kinda brag on myself!!
I'm weakwilled, especially when it comes to my own goals. I ate more than I wanted to yesterday because I ate my lunch (ricecakes) before lunch and ended up buying something from the lunchline
Today I put my foot down and told myself I wouldnt do it again and i didnt!
I even went to buy a diet pop and wasnt tempted by all the food. I've never been happier with myself.
god bless my goals and me actually trying
goes to show past me that i actually can accomplish things.

Does anyone else get SUPER triggered when people say starving yourself/fasting doesn't work???
/u/alcoholhas2manykcal [5'4" | HW: 245 lb | CW: 174lb | GW: 120 lb | 24F]
Created: Wed Nov 14 10:50:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x2cjs/does_anyone_else_get_super_triggered_when_people/
Shit like this:


"starving yourself doesn't help you lose weight, it inevitably leads to a binge, teehee"


It's just so patronizing. That's not what fuckin triggers a binge (for me). You know what does more than anything? Letting myself start eating.

I can't stand an image macro telling me how I should eat to lose weight, let alone other people. People don't know wtf they're talking about, damn

Why you binge and how you can stop it.
Created: Wed Nov 14 10:50:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x2cag/why_you_binge_and_how_you_can_stop_it/
The reason you binge eat is that your emotions point you towards it, your emotions control your entire body when they're fired, that's why you can't control your body when an urge appears

The way to fix this is to change where your emotions point you towards, what do you want? what do you want specifically your body to look like? what benefits you will get from it? why do you want it?

Those questions will get your emotions flowing in the opposite direction that they are now, and in that state of mind you would not binge if food is presented in front of you. Don't you have some situations where you could control yourself? that is why.

Then what you have to do is to make that emotional state your default pattern in food, you do that by writing what you want healthwise and why you want it, imagine yourself with the body you desire visualize it every day, read affirmations in present of your dream body, self correct without judgement instantly if you fail (If you binge for some reasons, don't beat yourself up because if you do you will get more stuck and you will cause yourself to repeat that behavior, just say "I don't want this, this is what I want and why I want it"

Once your default pattern of thinking and feeling in front of food becomes that of a healthy lean person, the problem is solved.

It's almost all about emotion.

[Rant/Rave] i ate a pint of REAL ice cream for lunch
Created: Wed Nov 14 10:44:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x2amn/i_ate_a_pint_of_real_ice_cream_for_lunch/
and i loved it. it fit in my calories and i enjoyed it but now i am overwhelmed with regret, and i know i only wanted it because i'm (hopefully yikes) about to start my period, and it's cold outside, why the fuck did i choose ice cream? i can't imagine eating anything for the next few days without feeling absolutely disgusting so i guess it's time for #reactive fasting y'all. i just want to get back to my lw by the end of this year but i keep Fucking Myself Over.

ps if you were wondering, it was blue bell cookie two step. 720 for the pint

[Rant/Rave] (NSFW) People fetishizing you for your size.
Created: Wed Nov 14 10:43:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x2a49/nsfw_people_fetishizing_you_for_your_size/
Honestly, I thought once I got skinny I would be able to find a boyfriend. Someone who thought I was pretty and liked me for who I was. At the time, I thought it was just my weight stopping me from finding a date. I used to be 180 pounds at 5’4.

Today, I’m hovering around 102-105 pounds. I tried dating again. Like I thought, there would be more men potentially interested in me. I got asked out at parties, by coworkers, online...but a large majority of them were interested in how small I was. If it was online especially. Endless inbox letters saying “wow, you’re so small and cute!” Or “oh my god I’m sooo in love with skinny women 😍 I could just pick you up!” At first i took it as a compliment, since I clearly wasn’t fat anymore. I could be someone a man would love to be seen with.

Eventually, it got darker. Once guys would mention about going on a date, all they would focus on is how small I was. They would always try to pick me up, and compare me to a doll. I’d have them wrap their hands around my waist and I got so uncomfortable. Or wanting to call me baby girl, like I was some sort of child. All I could think was that this is so gross. I at least had enough self respect to get up and leave when I wanted to.

But I didn’t know that there were so many guys who wanted to be with a smaller woman to feel “big” and in their words “to toss around and be the boss of.” Its so disgusting. I don’t even want to know what was going on in their heads sexually. I look young for my age too. Ive even had a guy ask to see my drivers licence because he didn’t believe me. He said “I don’t want to sleep with an underage girl by accident, but you’re 21 and look like that?? 😍”

Barf. I felt like losing weight would finally let me get a boyfriend. All it did was attract gross pedophiles (sorry I know this is not the proper terminology). But yet I don’t want to gain weight. Anyone else feel like this?

I really didn't think I looked that bad
/u/aceshighsays [5'2" | +7.6 | LW: 107.8 | GW: 109]
Created: Wed Nov 14 10:30:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x25xj/i_really_didnt_think_i_looked_that_bad/
So I gained ~12 pounds since my LW. I didn't think I looked all that bad since I'm still fitting into my "skinny" clothes, even though they're now a little bit tighter on me. (To be fair, at -12 pounds I had to start buying smaller sizes, which I didn't get a chance to.) For Halloween I was easily able to purchase a size 2 (vanity size????) jumpsuit. I looked good with my posed pictures.

But someone just posted candid shots of an event I helped with and I look massive in those pictures. Also, some of those shots show my now ex flirting with another girl. I saw them getting chummy at the event, but I was too busy to internalize it. Grrrrrrr. But at least I already dumped him.

[Rant/Rave] The Move and Collateral Damage
Created: Wed Nov 14 10:27:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x24u7/the_move_and_collateral_damage/
Alright y'all the move to Montana went swimmingly! We are here and settled into our adorable log cabin (yes we are in a legit cabin its awesome) and the bunnies are doing great! Due to the move I did have to stop low restriction and I have been between 1000 and 1500 each day for about a week. When we got here I had gained 13 (!!!!!) pounds. I know I know its water weight cause I am still pretty big but over the last two days I have dropped 8 pounds of water thankfully and I have about 5 pounds to go until I am back at my low of 185. Overall not bad but jumping on the scale and getting that +13 scale reading was not fun. Wish me luck on getting back!

25 cal sugar free chai tea latte
/u/saltsplendasriracha [5'7"| CW 121 | GW 113 | +8 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 14 10:19:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x22dz/25_cal_sugar_free_chai_tea_latte/

[Rant/Rave] I broke my knuckle!
/u/wiggimal [5'6 | 128 | 21.0 | -57 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 14 10:12:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x1zy4/i_broke_my_knuckle/
I punched my dashboard and cracked it, breaking my middle knuckle! Why, you ask? Because my boyfriend FLIPPED at me for not eating! I’m apparently childish and irresponsible and stupid! Well he clearly is right! At least I have another reason to hate myself now!

I wanted peanut butter with my apple.
/u/coldbrewkweeen [5'8 | BMI: 18.2 | CW: 120 | GW: 115 | SW: 140]
Created: Wed Nov 14 09:55:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x1u7v/i_wanted_peanut_butter_with_my_apple/
Was feeling shaky so I figured it would be ok to splurge on peanut butter since I need the protein.

Grabbed the jar and remembered that it’s 180 calories per 2 tablespoons.

Couldn’t do it.

Was feeling panicky and about to resign myself to eating my sad, naked apple slices by themselves when I had the idea to sprinkle cinnamon on top.

Holy shit guys. It was so good. Such a simple hack, but I’m never eating apple slices plain again. So shoutout to cinnamon for making my taste buds happy and salvaging what would have been a frustrating experience.

Hope you lovely people are taking care of yourselves today.

I can't wait to go home next week...
/u/ohmylambda [5'9" | F| CW: 150 | GW: 125| BMI: 21.75 |]
Created: Wed Nov 14 09:47:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x1rom/i_cant_wait_to_go_home_next_week/
because I've lost a noticeable amount of weight since I last saw my family (like a month ago) and I can't wait to see how shocked they are.

It's pretty messed up but I'm tryna live in my truth today.

[Rant/Rave] scared of recovery
Created: Wed Nov 14 09:37:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x1oen/scared_of_recovery/
im scared in general.

im scared of how my family will treat me (the first time my dad forced me to eat a plate full of spaguetti that i didnt eat so i spent the night on the table), im scared how my friends will treat me, im scared of the recovery belly (the first time i did it i was bloated all the time), im scared of not being able to work because i'll have to go to multiple appointments again every week (i really need the money).

im even scared of saying too much to the therapist and ending up on inpatient.

recovery is just so scary you know? i dont even know if i want to do it anymore.

I compiled a list of 35 weight loss pills that actually work, based on real studies.
Created: Wed Nov 14 09:35:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x1nrd/i_compiled_a_list_of_35_weight_loss_pills_that/

As a health&fitness blog writer, I started trying to advertise some of my first pieces on some facebook groups because I thought everyone would read them and aw my gawd how lucky I'd be.

I joined a few of the most human-filled ones, and started checking what the people were talking about while also gloriously spamming them, and I honestly couldn't believe my eyes.

People were drinking and/or consuming **countless "shortcut" products** that were supposed to help them lose weight while intoxicating their bodies in the most idiotic and harmful ways. The one thing they wouldn't do was g**et out of bed, eat a salad, and maybe take a walk for 20 minutes a day.**

They would prefer some sort of *magically poisonous tea* that was supposed to help them lose weight while doing nothing instead of actually altering some of the bad habits they built up over the years in order to lose weight.

One of those products was guava leaves tea. I never tried it, but the stories these people were telling - **how they feel awful, are sweating the entire day, are vomiting and have diarrhea, but they're losing pounds so that's ok,** touched me to the core.

I decided to research this topic of weight loss pills through (I'm not affiliated with them in any way)[ examine.com](https://examine.com/) \- if you haven't heard about this website, it's one of the most amazing websites I've had the honor to come across for anyone who takes supplements of any kind.

These guys compiled countless of studies into simple conclusions regarding one supplement or another - the ones that work and do a certain thing, and the ones that don't.

I decided to curate this website for the weight loss pills that actually worked and could help with weight loss while they're still healthy and worthy of consumption, and I realized one thing - most of the supplements that promise quick weight loss will harm your body in one way or another.

**Supplements are supplements and should be seen as such - an extra mile for every 10 miles worth of dieting and (hopefully) exercise. A bonus that's aligned with the other efforts you're making towards weight loss, not the way towards it.**

I found 35 weight loss pills studies have shown that are actually linked to weight loss using examine. **There may be more than these, and what I'm writing isn't future-proof at all given the constantly-changing nature of science.** But the evidence so far shows that these actually help in losing an extra pound or two per month while also keeping your body **clean and bulletproof.**

I won't go in-depth on each and every one of them, I'll just give the rate of increase in weight loss for those of which I could find it and a few words about them.

Here they are:

* **Resveratrol:** 3.2 extra pounds lost per month. Powerful anti-oxidant that shreds fat through an increase in thermogenesis.
* **Capsaicin:** The torturing element of hot peppers shows an 8% increase in weight loss, and it also works through thermogenesis. Best when taken 1 hour before exercise.
* **Evodia Fruit:** Effects are similar to Capsaicin, but it also reduces fat cell formation. The increase in weight loss rate is unknown, but there's one cool study about it - two groups of mice were given obesity-causing diets, and one of them was also supplemented with Evodia. The one with no supplementation had reached obesity, while the other lost 10% general mass and had 28% less perirenal fat (fat around the kidney)
* **Garlic:** Garlic is capable of softly increasing the secretion of noradrenaline while also being an overall wonder-supplement for body balance. You can find odorless softgels, which I find best for supplementation.
* **Fish Oil:** Isn't much of a weight loss pill per se, but it reduces stress and inflammation and therefore makes it easier to lose weight.
* **Spirulina:** 7% more weight loss was registered in the spirulina-supplementation group compared to the placebo group. Gym-goers should be aware of the fact that spirulina protein has shown better hypertrophy in some studies when compared to casein protein, so you might want to check into that.
* **Yerba Mate:** One Yerba Mate and one Placebo group were put onto a 12-week program, with the results of 150 cm3 shredded from the Yerba Mate group’s visceral fat while the Placebo group had an increase of 200 cm3
* **Alpha-GPC:** Most of the effects of Alpha-GPC are directed towards a better cognition and support a decent upgrade in performance. Although its great effects are not focused on fat burning, studies show it does promote fat burning 2 hours after consumption.
* **Yohimbine:** Works by increasing adrenaline levels in the body and lowering some regulation processes which usually suppress fat burning. 2% more fat was lost after 3 weeks.
* **Eleutherococcus Senticosus:** a.k.a Siberian Ginseng is an adaptogenic herb which has been shown to increase work capacity during physically intense activities by preserving your body's reserves. It also promotes fat oxidation.
* **Ashwagandha:** This one's called the "king of Ayurvedic medicine". Being an adaptogen, it will make it much easier for you to get going with your diet and stick to it. An "adaptogen" is what makes your body and mind adapt easier and with less stress to new things you get going in your life. 2% more weight was lost by the Ashwagandha group compared to placebo.
* **5-HTP:** This one's also not specifically targeted towards fat loss, but it's the precursor to serotonin a.k.a the neurotransmitter involved in triggering positive emotions. Besides lowering appetite and therefore contributing to weight loss, the happy-state it brings also helps by making this path easier to go along.
* **Black Cumin:** Spice frequently used in traditional medicine. Although it doesn’t have strong effects, it has many beneficial ones which make it a good tool to spice your diet with. Among them, of course, it’s been proven to promote weight loss by reducing appetite.
* **7-Keto DHEA:** 7-Keto DHEA was studied under a diet and exercise routine. The group taking 7-Keto DHEA lost 3 more 3kgs than those who didn't. Keep in mind that studies are not clear if this effect happens whether you diet and exercise or not. 2.88 extra kgs lost in comparison to the placebo group.
* **Coleus Forskohlii:** Herb traditionally used in Ayurvedic Medicine. It has shown promising effects as a fat burner and testosterone-booster. Its effects are most suited for men. 2.8% BMI reduction compared to placebo group.
* **Eurycoma Longifolia Jack:** Herb used as an aphrodisiac with pro-erectile and libido increasing effects. Although it’s mechanisms for fat loss are not completely known, progress has been noticed. It has also shown fantastic anti-estrogenic effects, putting itself forth as a top supplement for men.
* **Grapefruit:** is a tasty punch of active enzymes which promote fat burning by increasing metabolic rate. It has helped me throughout my weight loss journey and I must say, it’s a great supplement overall. Diet pills are usually called by its wonder compound name, **Hesperidin**. Over 2 weeks, 1.1kg more shredded through pills, 1.5kg through juice, 1.6kg through whole fruit.
* **Gynostemma Pentaphyllum (Southern Ginseng):** Works by raising the metabolic rate, making sure you destroy those calories (and hence, fat cells) faster than you normally would. Up to 8% more weight loss compared to placebo
* **Pterostilbene:** Kind of a *better Resveratrol*, with much better potency in most cases and better absorption. Having been only recently found, there are not many studies regarding it, yet the results look promising to say the least.
* **Rose Hip:** I cannot guarantee for this supplement, but it has some good benefits nonetheless, including an improvement in Skin Elasticity which helps if you have a lot of weight to shred and want to prevent loose skin. It's not thoroughly studied, but one study says that it'll increase weight loss with an extra kg per month.
* **Caralluma Fimbriata:** Its effects seem to appear only after around 1 month of supplementation. Although other benefits are unknown, it's a known-to-be great as an appetite suppressant.
* **Caffeine:** Some drink it out of love, some use it out of need. Nonetheless, this supplement has some great benefits to bring to the table, including thermogenesis (hence making you burn fat) and mental stimulation. Burns an extra 12-32 kcals/hour (So for 4 hours of an increased metabolism daily, that translates in 560 kcal per week), yet it only works if paired with a healthy diet and exercise program. 24 weeks of 200 mg supplementation brought no fat loss alone.
* **Berberine:** Seems to have anti-diabetic effects, while also promoting weight loss by reducing the development of fat cells and increasing their usage. Make sure you don't take these diet pills if you have diabetes, as they can mess up your blood sugar levels. 13% decrease in Body Mass Index
* **L-Carnitine:** It promotes usage of fat cells as an energy source, therefore being a great fat burn agent. ALCAR only works for those who have a deficiency in it.
* **Green Tea Catechins:** Specifically EGCG which is the most potent of the catechins. Amazing fat burner through thermogenesis and suppresses appetite as well. 5 more pounds lost in 90 days compared to placebo.
* **Green Coffee Extract:** Dr. Oz kinda exaggerated this one's effects, but it does provide a small increase in weight loss - 5 more pounds were lost over 12 weeks.
* **Guarana:** Has a higher content of caffeine than coffee beans and its properties are mainly derived from this. It has shown promising results as a fat loss agent, yet studies are still unclear if this is due to any special compounds or the caffeine itself.
* **Yacon:** Also known as the “diet potato” with the taste of a pear, is usually consumed as a syrup. Studies regarding it have shown some benefits towards intestinal health, with a slight appetite suppressing effect.
* **Saffron:** It seems to boost metabolism while also suppressing appetite. The downside is the way it plays with estrogen, potentially messing up both men and women. Wouldn't recommend you taking this supplement for long periods of time. Although estrogen is great for women, it seems to be linked to breast cancer when there's too much estrogen for too long. As always, play safely with every supplement you take.
* **Melatonin:** Supplementation is mainly used to improve the quality of sleep, but it brings great benefits including a slight reduction in BMI. This is most likely a side-effect caused by the better performance of the metabolism which is brought by a quality of sleep improvement. 0.2 BMI decrease compared to placebo.
* **Cissus Quadrangularis:** Cissus is mainly used by athletes for joint and bone health, but it's shown promise towards being a fat loss agent.
* **Fucoxanthin:** Promotes weight loss with a delay due to the need of a build-up inside the fat cells. Nonetheless, its results are quite promising and it might be a good supplement to add to your diet. 5 more kgs were lost over 16 weeks and an 11% decrease in liver fat was noted.
* **Licorice:** Chinese Medicine traditionally uses **Licorice** to treat digestive problems, while also increasing the quality of life. Supplementation has had great results towards weight loss, yet it does bring its downsides. Make sure you don't abuse this supplement, doing so has led to death. 10% reduction in body fat noted after 2 months.
* **Leptin, Ghrelin, Adiponectin:** Now, this is more of an honorable mention but it does deliver very well. I've had a leap of faith towards it and decided to buy this product and was quite amazed at the results. I usually pumped my leptin up through weekly cheat meals and while they did help, they would also damage my Calories In/Calories Out ratio, therefore one or two days of the week would end up unproductive. It's a product by Douglas laboratories I found on Amazon.
* **Turmeric:** In a nutshell, Turmeric is an anti-inflammatory and anti-oxidant supplement that provides you with an nourishment to your body. It brings better body balance and therefore, fewer cravings and more of an easy journey towards fat loss.

And there you have it!

I'm not calling this "the ultimate resource on weight loss pills" because I'm a self-absorbed prick, I do so because I couldn't find any other resource that offers as much detail as I did in the 20 days I spent on the subject.

I tried to keep it as short and sweet as possible for each of the supplements, and I hopefully managed to. If you'd like to find out more about each of them, such as their **other benefits, toxicity levels(although not many have them), how to take** them and the products I would recommend, you can find the **8000-words** post here:[ https://underloot.com/ultimate-resource-weight-loss-pills-that-actually-work/](https://underloot.com/ultimate-resource-weight-loss-pills-that-actually-work/)

**Disclaimer:** It **contains affiliate links** towards Amazon for each of the products.

Hope I could change a few minds on the matter. Wish you all the best on your journey, or congrats if you got there already!

i ate a muffin
Created: Wed Nov 14 09:23:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x1jvl/i_ate_a_muffin/
there were muffins at my local grocery store yesterday, and they smelt so good and i haven’t had muffins probably since my ed started two years ago and really wanted one. there was no nutrition label, and i thought i wouldn’t find one, but then i googled them today and was able to find the nutrition info!!!
they were 400 cals, but i restrict to 600-1200 so it was fine and so worth it and i’m so happy and wanted to share lol
(i’ll probably buy one tomorrow too it was sooo good)
(and sorry about my english and lack of commas and periods and all that, i’m just really excited and i’m from sweden lol)

almost passed out a mile away from my house lmao
Created: Wed Nov 14 09:22:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x1jjm/almost_passed_out_a_mile_away_from_my_house_lmao/
been keeping my calories below 300 lately and last night almost had 600 so as soon as i got up i forced myself to go walk around my neighborhood a few miles, didn’t realize how dehydrated i was and not drinking anything between waking up and leaving didn’t help. felt like the longest mile ever back to my house in the sun lol, at least i got 4miles in :/

Involuntary treatment
Created: Wed Nov 14 09:20:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x1iz0/involuntary_treatment/
I'm fucking 19 years old and have a bmi of FUCKING 16.6, I'm literally just a few kg underweight, yet my GP still wants me to go to a clinic, either that, or he's treathening to involuntarily admit me to a psychiatric hospital, because "I should be above 50kg/110lb" (I'm 1.63m/5'4"). But involuntary commitment to a psychiatric hospital is only possible if I'm in acute danger for myself, which I can't be cause my weight isn't that low. My heart and blood pressure is good too. He said he's gonna check on me and follow me (he's literally gonna come to my house), because he wants me to be above 50kg. I've already been in treatment before. I wanted and was trying to LOSE weight, but if my weight gets low enough, he would be able to get me admitted to a hospital. But I don't think he's gonna let me go until I GAIN weight either, which I can't do. There's no way I'm gaining weight. I already feel horrible enough about myself. I'd kill myself before gaining weight. I don't know what the fuck to do. I've been crying the whole day. Has anyone been in a similar situation before or does anyone know what I could do?

Fuck periods
Created: Wed Nov 14 09:19:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x1imf/fuck_periods/
I know we get a rant like this just about every week, but this one is mine. I missed my period the last two months restricting, losing weight. I felt great, was reaching goals. For no reason at all, it's back this month. I feel bloated, I'm gushing blood like a fucking waterfall, and I want to eat everything. I feel at least ten pounds heavier than I did a week ago. I don't ever weigh myself during my period, but I'm terrified of weighing myself when this one is over. Usually I can be hungry and eat something low-cal and be content. Not this week! I have no self-control and then I just feel way too full, even after eating a moderate sized meal. Gahh, how do people resist eating when they're on the rag?? I hope this shit ends soon. I don't feel like this is my body at all. Body checks are fucking awful. I just know when I weigh-in again I'm going to cry.

Thanks for letting me rant.

Got a taste of recovered life
/u/deanhipchester [5' | lmao | 21F]
Created: Wed Nov 14 09:11:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x1fye/got_a_taste_of_recovered_life/
I spent the last week at my long distance boyfriend's house and it was so nice. I ate whatever I wanted/whatever he had planned and I tried my best not to regret it. There was no forced exercise and I only purged twice (not even proper purges, but lighter ones!!). He also has no scale so it was a week of not weighing myself. I thought I'd be so much heavier but I lost 1.4LBS!!!

It was so nice and I'm sad now because I know I'll probably end up back on my bullshit.

[Help] Anyone used one of these steppers? Help!
/u/dethleib [5’3 | 125 | GW 96 | 32F]
Created: Wed Nov 14 09:10:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x1ffo/anyone_used_one_of_these_steppers_help/

I've lost five pounds in a week!
Created: Wed Nov 14 09:07:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x1emi/ive_lost_five_pounds_in_a_week/
And it's not enough. It'll never be enough.

This past week had been really shitty and I hate myself for not losing the weight faster. God, I'm such a fatass 🙃

[Rant/Rave] Craving SMELLS of food??
Created: Wed Nov 14 08:50:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x1918/craving_smells_of_food/
I have been craving food smells, but not to eat. It's so weird. Last night I had intense craving for the smell of a greasy-spoon diner- bacon, sausage, coffee. Now I'm craving the smell of spicy buffalo wings and fried onions and peppers, the smell of a hoagie roll. The smell of warm cheez whiz??

Anybody else have this? Should I take vitamins??? What would I be lacking based on this? The foods I'm craving to smell seems to be very fattening, but homey comfort foods.

Orrrr I'm just a nut.

i'm gonna be a healthy weight by the time i go home for christmas and it's making me feel so fucking powerful.
/u/throoaweigh [5'7 | fat | 22lbs down | FtM]
Created: Wed Nov 14 08:40:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x15us/im_gonna_be_a_healthy_weight_by_the_time_i_go/
i am 7 pounds away from breaking through the low end of overweight into the high end of healthy, and i have pretty much exactly a month to do it. at the rate i've been losing, this is gonna be super easy. it's not my ugw, it's not even close and i have a long way to go, but the idea of hitting that first milestone is fueling me. i was fat as all hell for christmas last year...so this year my present to myself is a new body lmao.

come on ladies let's avoid this bread

[Help] Acutane?
Created: Wed Nov 14 08:37:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x14vp/acutane/
This is hardly ED related, I’ll delete it if I need to. My skin is horrible and it cleared up for a few months but now is becoming inflamed and I have a lot of cystic acne. Have any of you been on acutane and if you were how did it affect you? I feel like my ED really fucks with my skin ( makes it super dry and itchy) if any of you share this same experience and we’re on acutane did it help? Or if you have any other solutions for dry heavily acne prone and scarred skin please recommend them to me :( my already non existent self confidence is suffering. Btw I’m way past puberty and hormone shifts and all that, I’ve been dealing with terrible cystic acne for over 8 years.

[Discussion] How do people without EDs weigh themselves? what’s “real weight”
/u/twa1238 [F25| 158cm | CW 🐄 |]
Created: Wed Nov 14 08:30:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x12eu/how_do_people_without_eds_weigh_themselves_whats/
My co-workers talked about their weight today and one of them said she weighs around the same as me and the other one told her that she’s almost 10 kilos heavier.

The first one is way skinnier than me, I feel? I mean, maybe her bones are heavier or something but she has a super flat stomach and doesn’t exercise at all, so it can’t be muscle weight. She has to be at least five pounds less than me, even though she’s a tiny bit taller.

The other one doesn’t look that much heavier either. I thought I was the same size as her actually. She is a bit chubby/overweight but I thought we had the same measurements?? 10 kilos is a lot for our frame. She’s maybe 5’3 (I’m 5’2).

It doesn’t make any sense to me.
I wonder if they step on the scale clothed and at the end of a day? Or maybe they weigh themselves after eating a lot for a few days and are just bloated and full of water and food weight? Do I maybe have the worlds lightest organs and bones and that’s why I look fatter than everyone else even though they weigh more??

I logg my weight every day but I don’t see the results as my “real weight”, somehow. Is that wrong? My real weight is what I get after going to the bathroom, being naked, not having eaten that day and best case scenario, after taking a shit the day before.

(Now that I think of it that’s probably too flattering to be real.)

So what IS my real weight?? How do you see it? How do other people you know that don’t have an ED see it?

When do you stop purging?
Created: Wed Nov 14 08:25:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x1115/when_do_you_stop_purging/
When do u call it quits? do you feel like you got everything or most of it up? can u do it hands free? do u think the first thing you ate would be the last thing u see or nah? im so curious about everyone else's experience

Discover The Shocking True Story Of A 26-Year Old Religious Newlywed Who Couldn't Do The Deed...
Created: Wed Nov 14 08:13:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x0x7o/discover_the_shocking_true_story_of_a_26year_old/

Going to a new therapist today!
/u/plshelpsomeone [5’4 | ?? No weigh November| 21.8 | 4lbs | Female]
Created: Wed Nov 14 08:09:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x0vxo/going_to_a_new_therapist_today/
Does anyone know if they have to report it to your parents if your a minor and have an eating disorder. It’s not obvious that I have one because I’m still in a healthy weight range, and I’m deciding if I want to mention it to her. Advice?

[Discussion] dae feel like binging but know nothing will satisfy you?
Created: Wed Nov 14 08:01:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x0td0/dae_feel_like_binging_but_know_nothing_will/
ive been like this for the past two days and now i just keep having minor binges :( and i can’t get anything done bc i’m just obsessing over eating and not eating......-

[Help] I cannot sleep :(
Created: Wed Nov 14 07:49:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x0q3v/i_cannot_sleep/
I'm finally starting to get the hang or restriction again after falling off the wagon, and I cannot sleep anymore. Damn this is frustrating

[Rant/Rave] So hungry I want to cry
/u/_Pulltab_ [67"| 151.2| 23.7| -55 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 14 07:36:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x0m9z/so_hungry_i_want_to_cry/
Went to the gym fasted and bonked. Came home and made a small protein shake and ate a boiled egg. Now I am going to fight myself all day to not continue to stuff my gob.

My daughter is making eggs and toast for breakfast and the smell is literally killing me.

I just want to go to bed and pretend I never need to eat again.

[Help] Body Dysmorphia at it’s worse...(TMI)
Created: Wed Nov 14 07:33:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x0li7/body_dysmorphia_at_its_worsetmi/
I have always struggled with BDD because of my ed and gender issues but today it is at it’s worse and I don’t think it’s simply bdd maybe I just am fat. I’ve been restricting and working out consistently for the past two and a half weeks, before then I maintained a healthy calorie intake but now I just want to lose...

But despite working for it really hard I’ve maintained still and even worse after weeks of a “ghost” period (before all this it had been two and a half months since I last got my period,) I finally got it and I’m bloated all to hell. I truly have never been so bloated or have felt so sick from menstruating. I know I’m probably retaining a lot of water weight rn but I just feel so fat and disgusting and I don’t want to be out in public but I work more than one job and I go to school full time so I can’t really hide away. I’m wearing over sized clothes to hide away but I know I still look bloated and sick.

I just really wanted to vent about this because I was already suicidal but this is just making me feel worse and now I’m involuntarily fasting because I’m so greedy. I don’t deserve food and I’m bloated to the point that I feel like I’ve eaten lolll

If you know ways of getting rid/lessening bloat please help, it’s actually physically uncomfortable

[Rant/Rave] I hate scales
/u/ihate-chicken [5’7” | CW:109.5 | 17.09]
Created: Wed Nov 14 07:24:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x0j0i/i_hate_scales/
Honestly it’s my fault for weighing myself daily (or multiple times a day) but the scale has been my enemy lately. I’ve been doing well and shouldn’t be gaining... I’m definitely under my TDEE, even after adding a bunch of “what-if calories”

It says I weigh 3 more pounds today and the rational part of me knows that’s probably water weight and not having pooped in 10+ days but it still just started off my day in a shit way.

Thoughts on the scale? Accuracy?

bf & i are driving 600miles to spend thanksgiving week (M-F) w/ his mom and i’m terrified
Created: Wed Nov 14 07:22:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x0i9z/bf_i_are_driving_600miles_to_spend_thanksgiving/
my bf and i live 2hrs apart so i only see him every other week for 2-3 days at a time and i already have a hard to keeping my cals low without being questioned then

and on top of that he told me his mom loves to cook so we will probably have almost all our meals there with her. i’m just stressed- how will i track calories for a home made meal? should i bring
a scale at the bottom of my suitcase to weigh myself?

and i never met his mom- what if i’m not pretty enough? or she thinks i’m too fat for her son??

like i’m so excited to go to a new state, especially where there’s cooler weather than florida, and to meet his mom for the first time but it’s just so hard to get outside of all my negative thoughts

[Rant/Rave] I Felt Pretty Good About Myself For The Past Month
Created: Wed Nov 14 07:11:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x0fg4/i_felt_pretty_good_about_myself_for_the_past_month/
But don’t worry lmao I’m back. Longest joke ever amirite.

[Help] Oh my god I'm fucking balding
/u/800goat [5'6 | 125 | 20.2 | -20 | Ftm]
Created: Wed Nov 14 07:07:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x0e9n/oh_my_god_im_fucking_balding/

my ultimate secret to fasting 🙃
/u/taikutsuu [5'10'' | cw: 127, -25 | 18.1 bmi | gw: 105 | 19f]
Created: Wed Nov 14 06:56:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x0axq/my_ultimate_secret_to_fasting/
be a low-functioning depressed piece of shit, let your whole apartment go to shit and don't do the dishes. if your fridge is too disgusting to keep shit in it, your stovetop is dirty and you have nothing to put your food in, you won't eat!!


[Discussion] DAE have absolutely unreasonable safe/fear foods?
Created: Wed Nov 14 06:53:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x0a2v/dae_have_absolutely_unreasonable_safefear_foods/
I'm just sitting here on the verge of tears because i WANT to break my fast with a quest bar but my dumbass brain is telling me if i eat that it'll ruin all of the progress of my fast and i'll get fat and DIE. But if i wait until i get off of work and go walk to get a vegan burger? Fuck me up fam that's totally a-okay. I just?? W H Y? When i go to the store i spend soooo much on low cal, high-protein "safe foods" that i never end up eating and end up feeling absolutely terrified of and instead eat like 2 pints of coconut milk ice cream on a whim. I don't understand??? It's fine, i'm fine :))) Im not crying, you're crying (we're all crying)

[Help] Have my first dietician appointment soon... any ideas on what to expect?
/u/WhyRedTape [5'6 | 156lbs | 23.40 | -29lbs |]
Created: Wed Nov 14 06:52:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x09ue/have_my_first_dietician_appointment_soon_any/
They work within the same clinic as my therapist so will have all my notes, I just don't know what to expect

fast heartbeat and anxiety while restricting?
Created: Wed Nov 14 06:46:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x0883/fast_heartbeat_and_anxiety_while_restricting/
hi everyone, i am on day 3 of restricting for the first time (coming from a place of b/p). late last night and now when i wake up this morning my heart is beating really fast and my anxiety has spiked. i am a little stressed out in my personal life so that obviously relates to it. but i’m
not even doing an extreme restriction like 500-800 calories on non-workout days and more when I do.

Wondering if maybe my heart beat and chest pain is in my head? Or maybe I need to be taking vitamins or something? Any advice would help

Created: Wed Nov 14 06:40:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x06o3/bulimia/
I lost 40lbs over the summer, I’m in a healthy weight range but my ED has gotten so incredibly bad and this time of year isn’t helping.

I had a Friendsgiving event yesterday, ate around 10,000 calories (of food that wasn’t even that good) and threw up 7 times, kept going back to eat more and throwing up.

God I feel so helpless.

[Tip] I found a way to COMPLETELY lose your appetite!
Created: Wed Nov 14 06:37:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x05zl/i_found_a_way_to_completely_lose_your_appetite/
Travel 10000 kilometers to visit your long distance boyfriend, get stopped at the border, get told that you will have to go back to your country without seeing him. And they don’t even give you a reason.

Yeah, I’ve eaten less than 900 calories in total in the past three days. I don’t even feel hungry. I’m not starving myself on purpose to lose weight, I just.. can’t eat. I’m not drinking water or showering either, but details.

I hope it really does kill me.
/u/sriracha_henny [5'2"/157 | CW: 149/68 | UGW: 97/44 | LW: 129 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 14 06:19:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9x00y2/i_hope_it_really_does_kill_me/
I just don’t care, truly.

I’m so angry all the time. I have the best possible life circumstances and I ended up like this anyway. I’m destroying my relationship with my family with my constant snapping and emotional distance and honestly? I wish they would forget about me altogether. I finally, FINALLY started losing weight and I somehow gained it back in 3 days and maybe the weight loss was all a fluke? I was weighing myself when I was hungry and dehydrated? Who knows.

I hate myself. I cut myself and I can’t tell anyone. Everything I say comes out aggressive and short, and I feel like I’m powerless to stop. Part of me wants to isolate myself completely so I can destroy myself in peace and maybe kill myself, and part of me wants to make everyone hurt. There’s this ugly thing in me that wants to make everyone feel as terrible as I do all the time.

I have dreams where I start screaming and I can never stop. Sometimes I’m afraid I’ll start crying or throw a tantrum in public and I literally won’t be able to pull myself together. I feel like I have no future and I’m delusional about my prospects. This is the kind of behavior that people try to correct in teens but when you’re an adult, no one assumes you’re being a huge bitch because you have something going on. They just rightfully assume you’re a huge bitch.

Sorry for this wall of text. Maybe someone can relate. All I know is, nothing will ever improve until I lose the weight. I know this from my own experience. As for my newfound permanent anger, maybe that’s something I can compensate for by cutting off all human contact and making my outside as pretty as possible.

Thanks for listening.

Being hella sleep deprived and restricting...
Created: Wed Nov 14 06:11:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wzyyx/being_hella_sleep_deprived_and_restricting/
Means I nearly poured Coke Zero over my salad rather than some salt. *nearly* thank GOD I would’ve cried if I lost both my salad and Coke Zero lmao

[Goal] Reached my first goal!!
Created: Wed Nov 14 06:10:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wzyk9/reached_my_first_goal/
Just reweighed for the morning and I’m finally within the healthy BMI range!! I’m so happy but when I look in the mirror I still see the same thing. Hopefully as I lose more I’ll be able to notice

[Discussion] The awful feeling you get in your stomach restricting after a binge
/u/nycthrowaway51 [5' 4" | CW: 101 | GW: 97 | BMI: 17.3 | M]
Created: Wed Nov 14 05:56:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wzuuy/the_awful_feeling_you_get_in_your_stomach/
It's one of the many things I hate about binges. That rumbly, gurgling, almost but not really empty feeling in your stomach as your binge food empties out but your stomach is still expanded. At least when I'm restricting, my stomach just has a dull empty ache which I actually kind of like.

I'm too fat for my winter coat
/u/littledutchbird [25F|5'8"|189.5 lbs|BMI 28.8|Lost: NONE bc I'm fat af ]
Created: Wed Nov 14 05:53:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wzu4w/im_too_fat_for_my_winter_coat/
I had a bad year. I know that. I went from my lowest weight, to my highest weight. I know how to stop it I just can't. I feel like I traded one problem for another. My coat was a little snug last year but it fit, but now I feel like I'm going to split the damn thing open when I zip it up. I don't want to be like this anymore. I want to be small. I don't know where my will power went. I feel like I'm running on autopilot, and my objective is always to just eat garbage. I feel like garbage. I want to cry but I did this to myself.

[Rant/Rave] My body hates me
/u/mossalto [5'7" | CW: 164.6 | SW: 193 | GW1: 154 | UGW: 115 | -28.4 | 21F]
Created: Wed Nov 14 05:48:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wzsrl/my_body_hates_me/
Feeling really weird, like my arms and fingers are tingling and I feel both really restless and lethargic at the same time, and my heart feels really fluttery. Will I eat something like a normal human being because that's almost certainly the problem, or will I take caffeine pills to force myself to concentrate on my work and definitely make myself feel worse because I'm an idiot?

Tune in next time to find out!

[Goal] Almost back in the “healthy” BMI range!!
Created: Wed Nov 14 05:35:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wzpqv/almost_back_in_the_healthy_bmi_range/
I’ve almost achieved my first goal! It’s crazy because when you’re working on it you feel like it will never actually happen but then you see actual results and it all becomes tangible

being cold burns more calories right?
/u/mentalcasethrowaway [1.71m | CW: 63.1kg (-6.6kg) | BMI 21.6 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 14 05:28:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wznxe/being_cold_burns_more_calories_right/
i know the body burns calories just to maintain its temperature.

does that mean you colder you are during the day, the higher your TDEE?

so would it make sense to say that if you go to sleep with only a thin blanket you’ll lose more weight overnight? do you think it has a significant effect or just a minuscule one?

has anyone tried this?

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! November 14, 2018
Created: Wed Nov 14 05:10:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wzjkx/daily_food_diary_november_14_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for November 14, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday November 14, 2018
Created: Wed Nov 14 05:09:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wzja2/way_to_go_wednesday_november_14_2018/
This is the weekly achievement thread for November 14, 2018.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!


Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Discussion] Low calorie work lunch ideas?
/u/brattyfawn [5"1.5 | CW 103 | GW 95 | 18.8 | 22F]
Created: Wed Nov 14 04:37:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wzbzz/low_calorie_work_lunch_ideas/
I've been absolutely flooding this sub for the last few days, sorry guys.

So I got a job! Really excited and pretty chuffed with myself, really - it's my first job in a new state and my first job since getting my shit together after going to rehab (crippling alcoholism stopped being cute).

Have any of you got any ideas for some easy to prepare vegetarian lunches I can take to work? Around 200 - 300 cal? The last time I was working whilst having an active ED I was having wine for lunch and I can't really do that anymore, so.

Thank you in advance!

[Other] At Least Part Of Me Is A 0
/u/thetexangypsy [5'3 | 126lbs | 22.3 | 26lbs to go | Female]
Created: Wed Nov 14 04:32:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wzb0p/at_least_part_of_me_is_a_0/
So I have stretched ears, my goal size is a 00. Yesterday I stretched up to the size before it, 0g.

Y'all have no idea how happy it makes my funky little brain to be able to say I'm a 0, even if it doesn't pertain to my clothing size 🤣🤣🤣

[Rant/Rave] I fell off the bus… hard. I’m right back at SW. Maybe I was just bloated, maybe I had food in my belly, but I fell off the bus for almost a whole month and all my hard earned loss is just gone.
Created: Wed Nov 14 04:10:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wz673/i_fell_off_the_bus_hard_im_right_back_at_sw_maybe/

Lunch = no go
Created: Wed Nov 14 03:54:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wz2ru/lunch_no_go/
I tried bringing lunch to work the other day, to try to get healthier habits. I've got stuck in restricting during the day and then over eating at night.

But I couldn't eat. I ended up pretending to go sit eat in another room, hiding my food until the end of the lunch break and then putting it back in the fridge, throwing it out when I got back home.

But it was... Not pleasant. To walk around the corridor with that heated plastic container of food in my hand trying to figure out how to hide it.
It was maybe by far the strongest sign that I can't control this beast at all.

And I can't talk to anyone. I'm not in a space where I can look for help. I can't manage to force myself to say how bad it is. Instead I just pretend to be this good recovering person, asking friends and partners for "help", tricking them into reinforcing my patterns.

I didn't know it's this bad.
I mean. I'm not thin. I've never been underweight. I eat most days.

[Rant/Rave] Losing weight feels so impossible
Created: Wed Nov 14 03:20:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wyw1i/losing_weight_feels_so_impossible/
Since I was around 10, I've always been chubby. A thin body has always been something unattainable to me and it still feels impossible. I don't remember being anything under 68kg at my height.

I feel like one of those people from fatlogic, who say "yeah weightloss just doesn't work for me" because I just don't feel like being skinny is even possible. But of course it'd be stupid to claim that the laws of physics didn't apply to me, I hope you get what I mean though.

I'm so strict with counting my calories and I have lost some weight (from 80.5 to 69 kg) but I still don't feel like I'll ever be able to go under that weight..

[Rant/Rave] When you go to a restaurants website to stare at the menu but they don’t have pictures
Created: Wed Nov 14 03:12:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wyukl/when_you_go_to_a_restaurants_website_to_stare_at/

[Discussion] Does this shit affect anyone else’s school work and/or attendance?
/u/sigvi [160cm | LW: 40 | CW: 55 | GW: 47 | F18]
Created: Wed Nov 14 02:36:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wyn4i/does_this_shit_affect_anyone_elses_school_work/
I got an angry email from my teacher today because I stayed home when I was supposed to have a debate in class. I wasn’t prepared and I thought that maybe I could do it later. She knows that I have an ED, she’s the only adult I’ve told at school.

I’m not even sure if my response to her should be “I’m very sorry, I have no excuses” or “Well, here’s a list of a thousand reasons why school is harder for people with an ED than it is for other students, and a reference to my doctors who say they’re impressed that I’m even able to go to school at all”.

I’m not sure if I should blame her for not understanding how much an ED affects your life, or if I should blame myself for being lazy and a horrible person who ruins things for other people, like I usually do.

Anyone else who has or is struggling to keep up with school right now? I feel like a complete failure :))

Getfit: Diet aka Getfit: Disappointment
Created: Wed Nov 14 02:28:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wylj1/getfit_diet_aka_getfit_disappointment/
Not sure if any of y'all have tried it, but I've been getting so many ads recently for this app called Getfit: Diet. I was pretty excited because it visually shows you what you're eating and I love that.

But sadly, I think the app stinks. Besides the fact that this restrictive app costs *20 bucks per month*, it put me above my TDEE even though I clearly marked that my goal was to lose weight.

It also doesn't let you add your own specific measurements, and will not let you create the meal unless you meet their requirements (one protein, one fat, one carb and one "fiber"). I'm not a vegan myself, but the only vegan option they have in the protein section is tofu, so you never really get to complete a meal unless you like to eat tofu for breakfast lunch and dinner.

It's disappointing, I really wanted to like it. Hopefully I can find a similar style app that actually let's me customise my meals. I get what they're going for, but it's so restrictive and not worth the money imo.

If any of y'all have tried it, what do you think?

[Discussion] What are your go-to pick-me-up safe foods that are low cal and easy to carry with you?
/u/cozyday [F23| 20.1 | 5'6" | CW: 125 |]
Created: Wed Nov 14 02:08:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wyhp4/what_are_your_goto_pickmeup_safe_foods_that_are/
I'm looking for some suggestions for food I can carry in my purse and eat whenever I'm feeling like I'm about to pass out.

When I'm restricting I'm always low-key scared to leave the house because I don't know if I'll have enough energy. I need something light that I can rely on. I take salt sometimes but that's a weird thing to eat in public.

Also, how about we make this brand-free, for all of us non-USA fuck ups.

[Discussion] DAE grab a body part that they think is fat, while purging?
Created: Wed Nov 14 02:07:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wyhhw/dae_grab_a_body_part_that_they_think_is_fat_while/
Since falling into a binge and purge cycle, I've slowly but steadily gained weight. (yay bulimia /s) One of the areas where I've gained weight is in in my stomach (a major part of fixation for me) So now whenever I'm purging I'll grab my stomach fat which just makes me hate myself more, as if purging isn't enough of a symbol for that. 🤷

Anyone else do this?

[Discussion] Okay, does anyone else do this?
/u/lunasouseiseki [180cm | 77kg | 23.8 | -10kg | F:snoo_shrug:]
Created: Wed Nov 14 02:02:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wyggn/okay_does_anyone_else_do_this/
Low restrict and then eat something spicy for the almost drunk feeling?

It feels like floating.

[Other] Relapse?
Created: Wed Nov 14 01:44:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wycze/relapse/
I have fallen into a full blown relapse. Idk if you would call it that, I mean I only didn't b/p for like two or three weeks. It's back full force. I'm so scared for Thanksgiving. And I'm just feeling sad about it because it was one of my favorite pre-ED holidays. I can tell my mom is making my favorites in hopes that I'll eat with everyone or won't b/p but I just can't. I feel so pathetic. Does anyone have any tips for how to get through the holidays?

[Help] Boyfriend won't let me fast because of "starvation mode"
Created: Wed Nov 14 01:11:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wy6kj/boyfriend_wont_let_me_fast_because_of_starvation/
So do any of you have (scientific preferably) proof for or against the whole starvation mode thing?

Currently I'm fasting 13 hours/day, which isn't that much . But my caring and loving boyfriend sees me eating an apple for lunch since that's all I want and starts about me having to eat more and starvation mode. He said I'd never lose weight like this and now seems to try to keep tabs on how often I'm eating and how much.

He also keeps repeating to me that he loves me and that I am beautiful. Which is really sweet, but also sort of frustrates me?

How can I convince him that I'm not in starvation mode and that I'm not going to be. (Currently 88kg, 166 cm, note even close to starving) He tends to believe scientific papers easier than just cases where it did or didn't happen.

Doing that thing where I restrict all day, wait until my roommate has gone to bed to go out to buy cigarettes and a can of Sour Cream & Onion Pringles. How's everyone else's night going?
/u/tornessa [5'2"| 107 | 19.6 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 14 00:55:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wy39p/doing_that_thing_where_i_restrict_all_day_wait/

[Discussion] True or False:
/u/wethail [5’3”| 119.2| 🍑@koalathigh|vegan| 23F| 21.1 bmi]
Created: Wed Nov 14 00:47:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wy1kw/true_or_false/
When I get up in the morning, I would have rather done all that I needed to get done (iron clothes, pick them out the night before, etc ((meal prepping, coffee maker delay on, etc)) the night before, or do you stay awake until it’s done?

[Discussion] Gaining muscle weight
Created: Tue Nov 13 23:58:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wxr0k/gaining_muscle_weight/
Even though I feel stronger and my body is starting to look better, I am failing to lose fat while I gain muscle and the numbers crawling up the scale makes me wanna DIE . I wanna keep working out , but I hate this weight gain. I gain muscle incredibly easy so even cardio makes my calf’s all bulky, any particular advice to not bulk up//lost the fat that is hiding the muscle ?

[Help] Egg cell donation process BLOAT
Created: Tue Nov 13 23:29:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wxkmz/egg_cell_donation_process_bloat/
Okay. Slightly weird subject, but I am a wellmeaning idiot and decided to donate egg cells (in My country you don't really get paid, it's just for a Good cause). I am now in the hormone treatment phase. I sort of binged last weekend and am not back to "normal weight" yet. I am also, obviously, on my period.

...and I could REALLY use some encourageing words, since I am not allowed to work out atm, and I can't help feeling panicky about the bloat. I high restrict, but I have so far not had a lot of apetite so the temptation to go lower is HUGE. I asked discretely about "whether diet matters" during the process, and the nurse said "No, as long as you eat". Meaning I am now just in a situation where I need to accept the bloat because it's not just about me, I need/want the egg cells to be "in Good shape" lol.

Emotional support..? :3

Was feeling sick and I made myself throw up; the cycle begins again... fuck
Created: Tue Nov 13 23:13:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wxgxo/was_feeling_sick_and_i_made_myself_throw_up_the/
So I was feeling nauseous since I woke up today. I had breakfast, which turned into a binge of course. I thought maybe it was something I ate that made me feel gross??? Then I had a mini coke and burped which made me feel slightly better so I went out and got a Diet Coke (of course) hoping I would feel good afterwards but nope. I still felt like trash, so the whole day passed feeling like shit. I finally just said fuck it and I made myself throw up.

I felt fine afterwards, no nausea. Nothing. I didn’t wanna do that bc it would trigger another bulimia cycle. I tried to talk myself down afterwards bc I felt that rush of adrenaline and accomplishment that triggers the cycle. No amount of talking down calmed me down though so let’s see how the next 24 goes. Will I b/p??? Probably!!! FUCK.

i finally admitted it to myself.
Created: Tue Nov 13 22:53:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wxc2x/i_finally_admitted_it_to_myself/
“i have an ed.”
my friend , my closest friend who i have a sort of romantic bond to even tho we arent dating said
“yeah, we know, we told you that. we’ve been so worried.”
but im not going to stop. when i lie down at night i can feel the fat on my body. i know i ate like shit this week and im so afraid to weigh myself
i eat 1100 every day. im not as good as you guys who eat under 900. 200. i hate myself. im pathetic. ill be fuckig fat forever

[Tip] omg spicy food is so awesome
Created: Tue Nov 13 22:46:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wxa9t/omg_spicy_food_is_so_awesome/
i ate a 25 cal can of green beans and covered it in sriracha and im done eating for the night LOL (at 11:45pm)

I want an ulcer
/u/li_hu_sh [5'3 | UGW 105 | CW y i k e s]
Created: Tue Nov 13 22:41:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wx92o/i_want_an_ulcer/
So here's the thing: this boy named T at my school was overweight, maybe by about 30 lbs.

After the summer, I have class with him and notice, HOLY COW he's dropped like 50 lbs and has chiseled everything. His arms and legs are tiny and wow.

So my fat ass being obsessed with weight, I sort of try to subtly ask him, "Hey, you look different!"

Apparently, he got an ulcer over the summer and lost 50 lbs. And he's maintained the weight since the beginning of August and I'm jealous AF.

Get me an ulcer please, thanks. Because my fat ass deserves the pain of an ulcer if it means I can be skinny :)

[Discussion] Difference between Diet Coke and regular coke?
/u/ribbet-the-rabbit [168cm| ??kg| ]
Created: Tue Nov 13 22:40:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wx8qc/difference_between_diet_coke_and_regular_coke/
^ just wondering do you guys taste a difference? Personally I feel like Diet Coke is slightly more acidic as it makes my teeth feel numb. But taste wise I really can’t tell the difference. Can you guys? Also if a practically zero calorie version exists why do people still get regular coke?

[Rant/Rave] Had to de-rate cycling calories FACK
Created: Tue Nov 13 22:31:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wx6jx/had_to_derate_cycling_calories_fack/
So fucking cranky about this.

I did some really fun, nerdy Excel-ing to figure out my sedentary TDEE based on several bouts of successful weight loss over the years, derating slightly for increased age and arrived at 2050 cals/day without exercise, when dieting. I know cals expended while running are very consistent, and that's what I've done historically so that's what my 2050 is based on.

In the past couple years I've taken up cycling to work (and for fun/calories on weekends) and haven't been as focused on tracking/weight loss. Well, I've come to fucking find out my VERY CONSERVATIVE estimate of ~35 cals/mile (which is like the lowest fucking estimate on any calorie counting app or site, minus my BMR so even MORE conservative) is WAY TOO HIGH. Found some v depressing blog entries from cyclists who did these experiments and confirmed that on mostly flat ground you burn more like ****5**** cals/mile at 15 mph (for a 180 lb elite cyclist). Now, that's really really flat, like rollers flat, so I'm bumping mine up to 13 cals per mile because I do some small hills on my commute to work (and I'm not in elite cycling condition), and hills change everything, BUT GODDAMMIT PEOPLE THAT'S WHERE THE OTHER 2 LBS I WAS SUPPOSED TO LOSE LAST MONTH WENT. FUCKING GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKER.

I knew it was too easy, I knew the easy consistency was too good to be true. Basically bumping my cals down another 200 and running way fucking more because that's the only shit I can trust.

My husband makes it impossible to restrict.
Created: Tue Nov 13 22:09:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wx10l/my_husband_makes_it_impossible_to_restrict/
So, I’m terrible at restricting in the first place. Ever since I “recovered” from anorexia when I was young (aka force fed until weight restored) I became a binge eater, and then fell into terrible binge-restrict cycles. So basically at this point, if there’s a trigger food in my house (usually sweets), I eat it. All of it.

Of course, my sweet husband has a box of GIANT COOKIES delivered mid-day to me just to say that he loves me! So nice and thoughtful! But then I have to go and eat the entire f*cking box (y’all, there are four cookies in this box, each one weighing the size of a newborn child). And I’m so irritated with him for just trying to be nice to me, I’m an awful person. I’m trying so hard to be nice but deep down I want to scream at him!

Gah does anyone have this problem? My husband likes to buy me treats to share (he has a giant sweet tooth too, but he’s rail thin) because he knows I love them and wants to make me happy.

And before you say “just tell him not to buy you sugary stuff anymore” I’ve done that. Lol.

[Discussion] DAE hate anyone calling out for being active in r/proed
Created: Tue Nov 13 21:27:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wwqh6/dae_hate_anyone_calling_out_for_being_active_in/
The name r/proed is so misleading, people probably think that we promote and encourage Ed when it's not the case. People see you being active in r/proed? Bam. Suddenly everything you said is unreliable and downvoted to hell.

A sudden realisation
Created: Tue Nov 13 21:22:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wwp6r/a_sudden_realisation/

It’s not uncommon for anorexics to describe that a ‘voice’ is telling them to do horrible things to themselves. That this entity that they call Ana, is telling them to starve and restrict, rinse and repeat.

I’ve never had that, or so I thought. I’ve never had a foreign voice telling me to do such things. It was never ‘you’, always ‘I’, since the beginning. Since **I** don’t want to eat, **I** don’t want to become fat, **I** want to be skinny, surely **I** must be choosing this lifestyle? “It’s just a fad diet guys, I promise I’ll go back to eating normally once I reach my goal weight” but how many goal weights have you had?

It took me too long to realise that I wasn’t choosing this. If it were as simple as a conscious decision, I could’ve made the ‘decision’ to revert back to my normal eating habits in a second, without any thought, and stick with it for the rest of my life.

It took me too long to realise that I’ve been fooled. Ana isn’t a fucking dumbass. She gets into your head easily and wants you to think that she’s a part of you. She NEEDS you to hold on to her. No one would willingly starve themselves if she blatantly presented herself as she is. She’s smart. She disguises herself as you, your conscious, your inner voice, and controls your actions. She goes by undetected because after all, ‘I’m making these decisions’, you might think.

She’s a fucking parasite. She feeds off your starving body, leeching off your mental energy. The only way she can survive is if you let her to. She’s nothing if you cut her off.

And that’s where I need you to stop associating these ED thoughts with yourself. They’re not from you. They’re from her. If you look at it from this perspective, she’s simply walking you to your grave. She wants to live, she doesn’t care about you. That’s what all parasites do.

If ‘you’ tell yourself not to eat, why not today talk back to that voice? Muster the courage to talk back to it and explain to it why you need the food. You might not find any reasons at first because you’ve been robbed of your self-worth by ‘you’, Ana. But that’s what she wants you to think.

She will make you feel bad about eating at first by disguising herself as ‘what ifs’. This is one of her sneaky, dirty ways where she makes you miss her and think of her as a safety blanket.

Again, she doesn’t want you to win. Ignore those thoughts. They’re not from you, they’re from her.

No one deserves to be under her control. If you think you’re in control, well you’re not, she is. And she will not leave you until you’re a pile of skin and bones, six feet beneath the earth.

Recovery might seem as if you’re heading two steps back into your ‘fatty’ self, which is what she wants you to think, when in fact, you’re taking one step forward, to claim back your happiness and life and leaving her alone.

Fight back for your voice, mind, health and life.

Only six weeks till Christmas (cue panic)
/u/mediocremermaidd [5'9" | CW 140.8| 20.8 | -16.1 | 20F]
Created: Tue Nov 13 21:00:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wwjq6/only_six_weeks_till_christmas_cue_panic/
Okay idk why I'm even posting this but I need to get my freaking shit together. Christmas is so soon and I need to lose a min of 18lbs by christmas (hoping for more like 20 but that's not realistic) . I've been stuck in binge/ overexercise for the past few days and I need to stop and loose weight. I haven't even weighed myself in the past week because i'm scared the number will have gone up.


So basically I'm debating doing like a 7 day fast (nothing too extreme) but I'm kinda nervous about it because I haven't done that much fasting and typically only do it when I can sleep lots and don't have anything I need to focus on but it's the end of term at my uni so basically I won't be getting much sleep and also need to be focused for studying and whatnot. Should I just go for it? Does anyone actually experience the mental boost from fasting that I've read about but never experienced (is it because I still drink diet pops while fasting)?? Also if the mental boost thing is real how many days / when during your fast have you experienced it (like did it start on day three and go till day ten, etc)?

Also I'm very curious what everyone else's plans are to get to their goal weights by the holidays (if anyone even has plans)!


Sorry this post is such a mess but I'm a mess atm so imma post it anyways

i miss my eating habits from that one year i was skinny
/u/incognitomiscreant [5'6 | CW: 129 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Tue Nov 13 20:50:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wwh2u/i_miss_my_eating_habits_from_that_one_year_i_was/
hi sorry about my inane rambling i'm sleep deprived and hungry and i have a headache and it all just came out

god i ate so slowly. idk how many calories a day even. not even obscenely low, like 250 -1000 per day but i kept it up so long it made a difference. and the walking, god the walking. i felt so fit and thin. i didn't even care whether i was burning anything but it was 5-8 miles a day which added up. i ate so *slowly.* i'd somehow nibble on my ~1/4 cup of beans over lettuce with vinegar and shitty spices for like half an hour. i'd eat, like, a small handful of trail mix before bed because i hate going to bed hungry. i was somehow intuitively eating like the disordered eating i see here and i don't understand why it had to end, i don't understand why i'm so fat, i don't understand why i'm like this. the thing i miss the most is savoring everything. i could make a chocolate bar *last.* if i could just do that again i think i could go back... god i hate myself so much. i wish i could look good in clothes

Having my last burrito before going on a 7 day fast.
Created: Tue Nov 13 20:36:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wwdf9/having_my_last_burrito_before_going_on_a_7_day/
Wish me luck..

[Help] body fat???
Created: Tue Nov 13 20:25:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wwad4/body_fat/
sooo according to a body fat calculator i am "average-high" although my weight is around 6 pounds away from underweight. am i crazy or is this weird



when instead of a period you get...
Created: Tue Nov 13 20:25:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wwaa0/when_instead_of_a_period_you_get/
two within two weeks. um excuse. pls stop vagina, I need no more bleeds thx.

like this is the opposite of the goal, body. I just wanna be thin enough for no period not healthy enough for twooooooo.

legit tho, anyone versed in the menstrual arts gimme a rundown on why my period is happening (11/10-now) when it just happeneddddd (10/27-10/31). like. I ain't about ittttt

Broad city changing my liiiife
/u/exgfbff [5'9 | CW 142 | SW 149 | No Weigh November!]
Created: Tue Nov 13 20:15:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ww7mh/broad_city_changing_my_liiiife/
Like fuck I wish I had half of their confidence especially Abbi because she’s thicker but cute as a damn button and funnier than shit and god dammit okay drunk rant bye

[Help] i quit smoking a week ago & i’m having such a hard time not replacing it with eating
Created: Tue Nov 13 20:10:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ww6bo/i_quit_smoking_a_week_ago_im_having_such_a_hard/
had anyone else experienced this? what did you do?<br><br>i feel like i should just start smoking again, even though it’s fucking up my lungs & stinks & is ridiculously expensive. at least if i’m spending money on cigarettes i can’t spend that money on food. ugh.

[Help] What do I need to stop bruising?
Created: Tue Nov 13 20:04:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ww4gc/what_do_i_need_to_stop_bruising/
My legs are absolutely covered in bruises. I even get them from resting my elbows on my thighs now. How do I get it to stop?

I’m fucking nauseous and still fucking eating.
Created: Tue Nov 13 20:03:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ww4ez/im_fucking_nauseous_and_still_fucking_eating/
God I hate myself. Why am I like this?! It’s like my subconscious wants to be fat forever. Every time i make any progress i pull shit like this. Ugh.
And of course nothing is coming up with purging. I hate myself. I hate everything right about now.

[Help] if god isn’t dead he is cold and MERCILESS (pls provide tips for avoiding constipation on high restriction)
/u/poppybasket [5’10 | cw128 (18.4) gw 115 | 17F]
Created: Tue Nov 13 19:51:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ww0tp/if_god_isnt_dead_he_is_cold_and_merciless_pls/
as you may have gathered from the title, i’m posting this seated atop a bag of frozen peas

not really but sweet jesus this ain’t it chief

is there anything as far as supplements or low calorie fiber bars or actually anything on this beautiful planet that i can put in my body to make bms not feel like childbirth

thanks pals sorry for the slight tmi but we’re all used to it by now, eds are disgusting by nature anyways

To purge or not to purge! That is the question!
Created: Tue Nov 13 19:41:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wvy2w/to_purge_or_not_to_purge_that_is_the_question/
Haven’t purged in 13 days although... think I might choose to break it. Don’t feel a pressing need to purge but more of like I’m deciding to break my 13 day streak. Feel fine because I’m feeling like this is in my control or maybe my ed has convinced me that I have the control to break not purging but it’s actually the ed breaking it. Anywho! It was fun break but catch ur girl on the flip side

[Rant/Rave] Need to vent - On my Honeymoon and in my personal hell
/u/Sockapoodledoo [5'4 | CW: 125 | GW: 115 | 25F]
Created: Tue Nov 13 19:41:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wvy2e/need_to_vent_on_my_honeymoon_and_in_my_personal/
My new husband and I are on our tropical beach honeymoon and I’m trying so hard to enjoy it but all I can think about is how I look in all these damn bathing suits. This is the biggest I’ve been. I don’t know why. I don’t even think I’ve been overeating. In fact, the two weeks leading up to the wedding I was running for 45 mins every day and doing low weights. I don’t know what happened. I just feel so pudgey.

The food here is so good. It’s all inclusive, and it’s everywhere. Just a surplus of delicious food—breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I’m a foodie and bulimic so this is both my heaven and hell, as I’m sure many of you can relate. And of course I’m torn between “I shouldn’t have that, I need to lose weight” and “it’s your fucking *honeymoon*, enjoy yourself.”

I can’t stop thinking about it. I just wish I looked the way I wanted to. I wish I could do something as simple as walking down the beach to the ocean without wondering if everyone’s staring at me and thinking about how curvy I am. I have a pretty big chest which I fucking hate and the bikinis only make it more obvious, and it’s gotten bigger with just the few lbs I put on. I wish I could get them reduced. I wish I could play beach volleyball without being preoccupied with how I look, and I wish I could glance at another girl without immediately comparing myself to her.

We’ve gone to the gym every morning since we’ve been here, and that helps a little mentally until I look in the mirror again and am once again faced with disappointment. I’m just so defeated.

I know there are/were other brides on here. How are y’all doing? Hopefully better than me.

So, even though nightclubs aren't places I enjoy going to, I recently started working at one.
Created: Tue Nov 13 19:40:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wvxyh/so_even_though_nightclubs_arent_places_i_enjoy/
Following on from the title, the main aspect of this job that I like is how easy it is to restrict food - working a nightshift allows me to skip meals during the day when I'm asleep, and I avoid spending money on binge food during my commute to and from work as most stores are closed.

Additionally, I feel awful for confessing that the amount of skinny people I see walking through the entrance is the push I need to keep going. I'm ashamed of myself for using these people as "thinspo," but many of them have perfect figures and are able to confidently wear short/sexy outfits that I could only ever dream of pulling off... it motivates me to lose even more weight.

Furthermore, I understand that my ED will affect my ability to work efficiently and could be a reason I end up out of a job - on days that I don't eat, I struggle to stay awake during my shifts and I worry about passing out, which makes me anxious about being told off for acting as though I'm slacking off even though it's the result of my negative mental health. I should mention that this is my first job, so my anxiety goes through the roof when I think about how difficult life will be if I end up out of work. However, money is becoming important for getting my own place to live - in short, I've been kicked out of several houses throughout my life and hate where I currently live; as awful as it sounds, I'm at a stage where I would like to live on my own so I can avoid people questioning my eating habits - at my age, and with my lack of work experience, there are few other places that will hire me, and, regrettably, it's a good distraction from eating for a few hours.

Moreover, I don't want to quit this job (albeit only because of the money) but it's so exhausting. I can't pretend everything is fine when I'm constantly on the verge of breaking down. I have nobody in my life to talk to about my ED because no one ever seems to understand (which is why I'm glad I stumbled across this forum), plus, everyone at work hates me, I've cut out most of my family, and I don't have any friends. Honestly, I'm lucky to still be in my first relationship. If it wasn't for my partner I would have killed myself by now.

Overall, I feel like everything is becoming much worse than it already is, and it's seriously tearing me apart. I feel as though I have nothing to live for. My life, which now consists of working a crummy job and spending most of my time asleep so I can skip meals and avoid other people, is completely controlled by food and all I want is for this nightmare to be over. I can't keep living like this. NO ONE can keep living like this. Everything is completely shit right now, and I simply feel weak and worthless.

If you read this, I apologise for wasting your time with this meaningless rant.

I'm so sorry. That is all.

My current height/weight stats
Created: Tue Nov 13 19:36:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wvwlz/my_current_heightweight_stats/
Hey guys, I need a brutally honest opinion here... My current height and weight are approx. 5'1 and 109 pounds (hoping to get down to 100 or lower though...)

Is this a disgustingly large weight? My boyfriend and everyone else says I look fine, but doesn't everyone say that? Especially when you're a recovering anorexic? I would rather not post pics, but according to my info, give me your honest opinions, even if you're just trashing me. Honestly, I kind of need the motivation rn.

[Rant/Rave] StArVaTiOn MoDE!!!!
/u/throwawaysoone [5'2 | FAT | :( | whatever | 22F | 🍑: ananbee]
Created: Tue Nov 13 19:28:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wvub2/starvation_mode/
Needed to voice my frustrations.

I got in a (minor) argument with one of my coworkers today about “““starvation mode”””. We were talking about another coworker who is trying Keto to lose weight, and she took the knowledge I gave her about TDEE and BMR to twist everything and scared her into thinking the reason she wasn’t losing weight is because of stARvAtIOn MoDE. I was like “I’m pretty sure that’s not a real thing” and she immediately goes “it is” and tried explaining how the body won’t let go of calories as quickly and blah blah blah.

I’m trying really hard not to flip my lid. So many people at work are talking about losing weight, and I try not to say much (mostly because what I’ve learned about losing stems from r/fasting and my own experience of disordered eating). But I’m so sick of people blaming plateaus on that.

ITS NOT REAL. ITS A MYTH. Unless you’re severely underweight, your body isn’t going into OMG STARVE MODE {ACTIVATED}.

However when I did say stuff about fasting (ya know, the healthy way) she slowed down.

Anyway to prove a point, I’m fasting until Thursday. (Also I’m at my own plateau and I’m sick of binge/restrict. Gonna take out the biggest contributor to B/R: food)

Gross ass combo
Created: Tue Nov 13 19:27:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wvu56/gross_ass_combo/
Purging tortilla chips, block cheese, gummy bears and tootsie rolls with diet dr. Pepper to get it up..... not worth that was so gross

[Discussion] how will I know when its gone too far
/u/dollydomer [5'6 | 107.8|GW 100 |F]
Created: Tue Nov 13 18:58:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wvlr0/how_will_i_know_when_its_gone_too_far/
title says it all, but how do you know if your ed is so bad you're gonna die. but not weight related at all, because you can die at any weight from an eating disorder especially if you have had it a while you know?

DAE tell yourself that you’re not gonna eat till a certain time, then as that approaches you just keep pushing it back later
Created: Tue Nov 13 18:55:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wvkrh/dae_tell_yourself_that_youre_not_gonna_eat_till_a/
told myself not to eat today till 9pm, and it’s now 9 but i’m not hungry and i don’t want to eat if i’m not starving lol

[Rant/Rave] when exercise doesn't actually burn a ton of calories.
/u/lemon-basil-thyme [5'3" | 91.9 lbs |16.28 BMI | -20.9 lbs | 29F]
Created: Tue Nov 13 18:53:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wvk3s/when_exercise_doesnt_actually_burn_a_ton_of/
What do you do when your body adapts and you become really efficient at conserving energy?

I'm 5'3" and 91-92 lbs right now. I'm not some fantastic athlete, but I try to run 6-7 miles about 3x per week. I exercise with a chest-strap heart rate monitor, mostly to time my runs but also to estimate how many calories I'm burning.

Here's the thing. I have been careful to continually update my personal info settings on the HR monitor to reflect my ongoing weight loss, because I know you burn fewer calories when your body doesn't have to work as hard hauling itself around. But my heart rate itself has also dramatically slowed, to the point that it hovers around 132 now when it used to get up to 155 at some point during an hour-long run. So I finished an easy six mile run recently and my HR monitor told me I'd only burned 309 calories. That's it? Seriously? Do you know how long it would take me to burn off 500 calories at that rate? TEN MILES.

I want to be the kind of person who exercises daily, but it seems like all it does is exhaust me while not actually making that much of an impact to my TDEE (because you know I can't run every day, and I honestly don't even run my stated minimum 18 miles every single week). It seems really insane to me that I'm both MORE tired and burning FEWER calories. How on earth do you guys manage your workouts?

[Rant/Rave] broke my fast at 50 hours because i read things that made me anxious, now i feel sooooo guilty
/u/duskedfur [5'7" | CW: 98 | 15.3 | UGW: 89 | F]
Created: Tue Nov 13 18:32:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wvea5/broke_my_fast_at_50_hours_because_i_read_things/
i was planning on fasting until friday (last meal was sunday at 4 pm) but read some stuff about how dangerous fasting can be when you’re under a bmi of 15. i’m usually around 14.9-15.3 and that freaked me out, so i went to the dining hall and got a bowl of ramen listed at 470 calories for an OMAD but felt so guilty that i only finished maybe half of it. i hate myself so much for getting nervous when i’ve fasted for 65+ hours before this last binge cycle that made me gain back to 98. i just want to get below 96 finally but i keep sabotaging myself. i hate knowing that i won’t wake up lighter tomorrow morning because i was weak. i still plan on fasting until friday but i absolutely can’t stand myself for fucking it up halfway through, aaaaAAAAA

[Rant/Rave] My new office is filled to the brim with free food and it’s killing me
Created: Tue Nov 13 18:29:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wvdai/my_new_office_is_filled_to_the_brim_with_free/
So I work in tech and I just changed jobs. My new company has a fantastic office and they keep it stocked with probably 20 different kinds of snacks. Chips, Cheetos, granola bars, etc - EVERYWHERE. They even have M&M dispensers (regular and peanut, because of course) all over the office. On top of that, there’s constantly catered lunches being brought in.

I felt like I had just got my binge eating disorder under control and was finally seeing real progress with controlled restricting. Halloween plus all of this has me sliding back into really horrible habits and I don’t know how to stop. I realize it’s a long shot but has anyone ever dealt with something similar? How in the world can I keep my shit together when the 3pm slump hits? 😫

[Discussion] DAE feel like their ED is more like a symptom than its own disorder?
/u/icthaine [🎍| 5'8" | 21.7 | -24 | 23M]
Created: Tue Nov 13 18:27:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wvcpf/dae_feel_like_their_ed_is_more_like_a_symptom/
Like their eating-disordered behaviours are just an extension of a preexisting disorder? I'm quite sure the answer is yes as almost all of us have other comorbid issues, I just wanted to hear other people's experiences.

Everything that qualifies me for an ED diagnosis is just a means to an end caused by other disorders; calorie counting and distress over image is because I'm obsessive and have a goal in mind. I've self-harmed and obsessed over my image in plenty of other different ways before, and eating disordered behaviours just happen to be an overlap of those practices. Change my style and personality so people see me as something new. Scar myself to learn to accept pain. Starve myself so people see me as something new and I learn to accept pain.

Psychiatry is a mess of overlap and blurred lines defined all too often by insurance purposes as a priority anyway, but I feel redundant saying I'm anorexic when I know it's just one way my overall neuroticism happens takes shape. Like calling me a seamster if I'm a surgeon. Like yes, I can sew, but that disregards the full context of why I do.

I know semantics don't change the issues you experience, but I was just thinking about it.

What about you guys?

[Help] Counting calories from a b/p
Created: Tue Nov 13 18:21:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wvb07/counting_calories_from_a_bp/
How do you guys do it? Count all of it? Count part of it?

I bury my head in the sand and refuse to log anything I've bp'd, but I'm also not losing weight at all so like.... *shrugs*

I fucking hate going to doctor's appointments
Created: Tue Nov 13 18:14:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wv95p/i_fucking_hate_going_to_doctors_appointments/
I try to avoid going to the dr but I had to today and while the nurse was weighing me (I had stood facing away from the display on the scale) she had said my weight out loud while writing it down and it was 150 and I've been trying to "recover" by only eating while high so I could ignore how I felt about eating while eating and so this upset me and has stressed me out and I'm relapsing but I could ignore that until I left but then the doctor comes in and just makes me absolutely uncomfortable. I was in there b/c I had hit myself pretty hard in the jaw last week and sr the right side of my jaw hurts and while mentioning it hurt b/c I was hit I accidentally mentioned that I had done it and the doctor was like absolutely confused as if he had never heard of self harm. He starting saying that I should probably stop doing that, like no fucking shit, but I'm not here for that, I'm here for jaw pain. I started crying while there b/c he just couldn't seem to get it and its just so upsetting b/c he's now my doctor instead of this amazing old russian woman who understood how my self-harm was just horizontal cuts which only a few of were slightly deep and that those wouldn't cause me to die even if I kept the cut open and that it was mostly done to relieve the feelings of self hate that I have and she genuinely believed that I could work past it but it would be difficult and my current doctor just doesn't get that at all and its so upsetting my appoint ament was four hours ago and I still can't sop crying. Though that place has bmi charts on the walls that are slightly lower than a calculator on nih.gov so ig it balances out.

my life story/word vomit
/u/jaksusu [5’2 | 117 | 21.5 | 21F ]
Created: Tue Nov 13 18:06:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wv6qo/my_life_storyword_vomit/
Hi, I just need to vent a bit I think. Also a little bit (alot) wine drunk rn!

Sorry if this post isn't welcome on here, please let me know and I can remove it.

So recently I've been at this job that was only a temp job but everyone I worked with kept saying that the owner needed staff and would definitely keep me on after summer, but, spoiler, she didn't. She's let me stay on for a few hours a week but I've only just found a new job (supposed to leave current job at the end of Sept). So every time I go in for a shift I just feel in the way and like i'm overstaying my welcome. Due to having barely any hours I've also started to feel very isolated, and money is really short. Since I live with the rents still this isn't too much of a problem, but I've had to ask my mum to help me pay car insurance etc and it makes me feel like a sponger which I hate.

Then this new job I've got is at this quite fancy clothes shop, all the girls are skinnier than me. Well put together, likeable, you name it.. all the things i'm not. My anxiety is going crazy about it and I just feel like I won't fit in and they're all gonna hate me,

I've also decided to finally (at the grand old age of 21) decided to apply for uni next year. and honestly I don't even know where to start, I've looked at ucas and uni websites and I don't even know what half the words they use mean, Like I'm too dumb to figure out applying for uni should I even be going?? And in my family all my sisters went to grammar school, uni and got good jobs, and then there was me. My parents must feel so let down.


I've also recently broken up with my now ex, we weren't together that long but it broke me. We broke up over a month ago now so I feel like I should be over it but like I'm not?? I wish I could take a pill or something that would completely erase him from my memory. I feel like I don't even love him anymore and I dont find myself wistfully wanting to be with him now or anything.. But I check his insta constantly and if he moves on before me I'll probably just die inside. I was so closed off and he always encouraged me to open up.. just to break my heart?? like why??

I finally went back to the dr recently for some help, and the most they could offer me was to put me on a 5 week waiting list for cbt, so I just feel like I want to die until then I guess??


So in summary I just feel very lost in life right now. I don't know where I'm going, or who I am really. If you read this word vomit I truly appreciate it.

[Rant/Rave] Average weight of office workers is more than I realized?
/u/thinsponeeded [5'6.5" | CW: 111| 17.6 | -20 | F | UGW: 104]
Created: Tue Nov 13 17:58:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wv4bw/average_weight_of_office_workers_is_more_than_i/
Okay so, I don't spend much time in traditional office environments. My main job only has an office of five, and we're all different ages and sizes. I started a second job today, and I've barely seen anyone in my office. BUT, I tagged along with a manager who was giving a presentation on mediation/arbitration to a local client. Their office is fairly large and has 50+ people. At least 20 people attended this presentation; lunch was provided.

Every single one of them was overweight. And just eyeballing, I want to say 50%+ were obese. Only three men -- the rest were women who looked to be in their twenties and thirties. I just, I really couldn't believe my eyes. I know the U.S obesity rate has been climbing. But, my hobbies are fitness-related so most people I see are on the slim side. If this office was representative of the general population, my mind is blown.

I had originally hoped to have one of the lunches that was provided (there were extras), but I couldn't even ask. I lost all appetite and just felt so sad. On one hand, I felt validated and happy that I was the smallest there, because it meant my efforts have been successful. I want to keep losing weight. On the other hand, I was sad that the news is true. I hope all those people are happy and healthy in their bodies, but I'm very sad if they are not. What are you guys' experience in office environments?


TL;DR I was exposed to what I think is a normal office environment and realized that (if that sample is representative of the general population), most people in my age range ARE overweight and obese, and it was very startling.

[Help] Stuck between getting help and pushing myself further
/u/lightsflicker [5'5 | 104lbs | 17.3 | -14lbs | F | vegan]
Created: Tue Nov 13 17:41:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wuzi7/stuck_between_getting_help_and_pushing_myself/
I’m 95.8lbs right now at 5’5. I’ve recently started uni and it’s been tough. I live with five other girls and my eating/throwing up habits are hard to hide. I feel uglier than ever, despite feeling happy and ‘enough’ at times. Sometimes, I get the urge to go to the uni GP (doctors) and just... try to get help? What would change? What would happen? I haven’t really tried since 2014 and that was a long time ago. My teeth are rotting away and my skin is so bad. But at the same time, I don’t want to. It’s like the only redeeming quality of mine is that I’m ‘small’. I want to get smaller. I feel like I haven’t even started. What am I thinking? Help for what? Being a fat, lazy piece of shit? (Sorry). I’m moving out to an en-suite room in January, so I feel like that’ll enable me to lose more weight as I won’t have to worry about using a shared bathroom. I’ll have my own. Private. What could happen then? Maybe I’ll get to my lowest weight, ever. Be happy. Be enough. I’m really torn. I hate being stuck. Thinking about food 24/7. And weight. It takes me away from things. And no one knows, although some do, they don’t. It’s very lonely. But I don’t like talking about it, because I don’t want to be seen as a victim. I told my boyfriend and he thinks it’s a choice. And now he thinks I’m sick. I don’t want to be seen as sick. I’ve learned before that people don’t want to deal with sick. So even if it is really bad, I underplay it and joke about it. But anyway. It’s very lonely. Just wish I had something else to do at night than be consumed with these thoughts of food, my next meal, when can I throw up, when can I weigh myself again. Get help, no, what are you thinking? I’m not really sad. Just a tad lonely and wanting to feel ok.

My daughter died because I’m a fatass
Created: Tue Nov 13 17:36:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wuxz4/my_daughter_died_because_im_a_fatass/
I got preeclampsia when I was pregnant and she was born 8 weeks early. She was doing great, but she got sick when she was a week old and passed away. The disease she got wouldn’t have happened had she been born just a couple of weeks later and that could’ve been possible if I had eaten better during my pregnancy. Now I just want to starve myself until I die too. Down 80 lbs so far. I can’t kill myself quickly because my brother already did that two years ago and I don’t want to put my family through that again.

Earliest Starving Memory
/u/stardustandpoetry [5'7 | CW:152lbs|GW:118 lbs|F]
Created: Tue Nov 13 17:24:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wuuhz/earliest_starving_memory/
What's the earliest memory you have of starving yourself? Or any disordered eating really. I remember in the fifth grade I didn't eat the whole day, and then I came home and binged on goldfish crackers. Like I literally ate the whole bag. To this day I still want to vomit when I see goldfish.

I need affirmation that I can get to my GW without exercise ???
Created: Tue Nov 13 17:24:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wuu9s/i_need_affirmation_that_i_can_get_to_my_gw/
When I was 18/19 years old and at my LW (5’5” and ~105 lbs) I did it through eating super clean and obsessive cardio but I didn’t restrict (as in I didn’t count calories, but I definitely was eating low cal because all I ate was lettuce and chicken breast lol)

Now I’m 21 and I’ve gained 30 lbs (!!!!!) and I have horrible knees from my obsessive cardio days and just can’t bring myself to work out

Is it possible to get back down to like 115 without any exercise? I’ve been slowly backing down on calories and am restricting to like 500-800 daily? Is restricting alone enough?

[Help] I'm fasting now until Friday, how much electrolytes should I be getting?
Created: Tue Nov 13 17:18:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wusqg/im_fasting_now_until_friday_how_much_electrolytes/
I started yesterday 5:30pm. I'm going to be mixing 2 tsp of table salt into 8oz of water everyday I think and drinking that. I'll be drinking lots of water too. I don't want water retention though because I'll think that I'm not trying hard enough and that I'm somehow failing at fasting even though I won't be eating anything. Is 2tsp each day enough without causing water retention? Thank you:)

My fasting day was ruined by neuropsychiatric testing
Created: Tue Nov 13 17:03:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wuobe/my_fasting_day_was_ruined_by_neuropsychiatric/
I did not plan ahead. When my psychiatrist said he referred me for neuropsychiatric and cognitive testing I thought it would be like an hour. WRONG! It was 8 hours!

I show up at 9 am all glittery and excited to get this over with and go do my fasted cardio. Instead I spent 2 hours being psychoanalyzed and then did hours and hours worth of memory and cognition tests, ADHD assessments, personality tests, etc.

The point of this was to figure out what kind of neurological damage I suffered from chemotherapy and cancer treatment, but it also served the purpose of diagnosing larger psychiatric disorders.

And the worst part was that my stomach was growling so hard the doctor stopped the assessment at noon and said I better go eat something and come back in 20 minutes.

Then, because my psychiatrist told her I had an ED, I had to eat in the cafeteria with the inpatients, supervised. No getting around that.

Although I will say, I had been fearing someone forcing me inpatient for a long time but after interacting with them at lunch it didn't seem so bad at all. I may even willingly go at some point in the future.

Worst. Weight Loss. Ever.
/u/UnderseaK [5'7 | cw:143lbs | F26]
Created: Tue Nov 13 17:03:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wuoak/worst_weight_loss_ever/
I lost five lbs in the past three days...in the absolute worst way possible. I found out that my husband cheated on me. I want to die, y'all; I'm so shattered by this that I have eaten almost nothing for the past three days since I found out.

I had been working SO HARD on getting better and improving my mental state, and now it feels like all of the hard work and tears don't matter at all. I love my husband so much, and he has been a huge motivation for me to try to get better because I know how hard my ED has been on him.

Why even try now? Food doesn't taste like anything, and I'm nauseated every time I remember what happened. To give what credit is due, my husband came clean about the whole thing on his own, cut it off with the other woman on his own, and he isn't trying to justify anything. He knows he screwed up, and we are going to be going to marriage counseling to try and put ourselves back together. But the fact that he could even do it in the first place tells me that I'm just not enough. In my own being I'm not enough. I just want to shrink down into nothingness, because I feel like I'm nothing anyway. I'm just a useless ball of depression and flesh and I hope I get hit by a truck.

Today's Update- Fail
Created: Tue Nov 13 17:03:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wuo4w/todays_update_fail/
Well, today's attempt at dieting was a failure. On my own I was doing pretty well, I had eaten nothing but the plain ham sandwich from Subway I had yesterday and a bottle of Pure Leaf peach tea (only 100 calories, and gave me quite a bit of energy). Things only really went downhill when my mother brought me to Harvey's and INSISTED I eat something. As I mentioned in my first post, I have had anorexia (among other EDs) for around 4 years now, so my mom is very familiar with my eating habits, and knows I won't eat unless I'm basically forced or watched. So she sat me down and made me finish a portion of fries- which wasn't so horrible, since the portions of fries they serve at Harvey's is relatively small- but to put the cherry on top, she bought me a high-calorie microwave meal and insisted my nanny watch me eat it for dinner. I am SO mad! I love my nanny and mom, and they have severe anxiety like myself, so I didn't want to trigger them by refusing to eat... but now I've failed my diet! I suppose I'll just try to avoid them tomorrow so I can eat even less to compensate for today. My waist has grown a whole inch since a couple of months ago, from 24 inches to 25, and a couple of years ago, I was at 23. I really just want a perfect, thin 24 inch waist.

I made a call on the verge of tears for an inpatient admission. After I hung up, got sudden motivation to lose weight...I cannot be in this body
/u/throwawaytodayokc [5'4.3"| GW 96 lbs |33 y/o]
Created: Tue Nov 13 17:02:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wuo30/i_made_a_call_on_the_verge_of_tears_for_an/
I used to love posting here when I made progress. I got under 90lbs last year and was so proud. I don't know how I did it. But then after a series of events, lazy binging and purging took over and now I'm averaging 110 lbs now and I cannot tolerate it.

I cannot and will not let myself be at this weight. I will fucking die trying to get back down to at least 96 lbs. This body is NOT mine. I have so far to go and that's frustrating. But I cannot be here. Not in this body.

I don't know how I let myself gain so much. I hate my lack of control. I hate this physical presence. I hate it and it needs to go. I don't know how to do it anymore...just HOW do you not surrender to that much weight gain? I have no patience but this is not a choice.

[Rant/Rave] Lol I just c/s a tortilla
Created: Tue Nov 13 17:01:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wunqq/lol_i_just_cs_a_tortilla/
Honestly wtf 😂 I was eating my OMAD (taco salad) I put a 50 calorie tortilla on the bottom of the bowl, I decided I would c/s it for no real reason!

[Other] "im going to look sooo good when im skinny"
/u/fuckinhelpmehdhd [5'8 | CW 137 | GW 117]
Created: Tue Nov 13 16:53:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wule0/im_going_to_look_sooo_good_when_im_skinny/
*eats an entire pizza to celebrate*

Binged McDonald's..
Created: Tue Nov 13 16:43:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wuidp/binged_mcdonalds/
I've been avoiding McDonald's like the plague. If I ever go near McDonald's or Wendy's or any places like that, I only get fries. Whelp guess who just discovered the rapid weight loss with purging? Me. Last week was the Dave's triple from Wendy's and a large fry. Today? Two Mcchickens and two large fries. I couldn't finish all of it but I did eat most of it and I'm about to purge in a few minutes. I'm not really ashamed and that makes me ashamed. Lol. I know the very harmful effects of purging so I don't need any of you commenting about how my teeth and my heart are going to be fucked. But I kid you not when I say I hate myself so much that I'm willing to die from my ED. I know that sounds crazy. There are people out there who have it a million time worse than me and I complain all the time about my life and I cry even more knowing that I'm an unappreciative cunt. But I am just not happy. I've never been happy. I'm 25 years old and I have never in my life been happy. Not as a child, not as a teen, and not now. I can only remember lying down in bed every night and wondering why I'm alive when there are so many other people who deserve my place. God will punish me for my ungrateful thoughts but I'd be lying if I sat here and said that I like my life. I don't. I hate myself. I'm disgusting, ugly, ungrateful, and I deserve everything I get out of this.

So yeah.
Please don't pity me in the comments. I'd more so love it if you guys just posted your worst binge because this one takes the cake.


Cake. 😂

This soup mug.
/u/wildflower_0ne [5'2 | 112.5 | 21.32 | 26F]
Created: Tue Nov 13 16:42:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wuid7/this_soup_mug/

Can we give actual relationship advice???
Created: Tue Nov 13 16:41:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wuhy2/can_we_give_actual_relationship_advice/

Just getting it out and needing some advice
Created: Tue Nov 13 16:38:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wugx3/just_getting_it_out_and_needing_some_advice/
Hey folks,

I want to tell my story. It's a long story. Probably many of you will recognize themselves into it. It all started out, I think 3 years ago. Overall, I think it is when I started to notice my body and wanted to feel good about it. Oh, btw, I'm 17 now. I've always been a little on the chubbier side, but I was doing lots of sports and was overall pretty strong. I don't remember what I did at that time (I think I probably just cleaned up my nutrition), but I lost 10 pounds during the year. I was happy. I had a six pack. The year after, I started lifting. As they say : "The day you start lifting is the day you become forever small". I was training hard and making some gains.

Fast forward. 1 year later. My concerns about my body and nutrition grew. I've always been a little hypocondriac and, when I found about the paleo diet and its supposed benefits, I dug into it. I got, honestly, quite lean. But I was cold, sluggish. I was always engaging in more exercise, and more restrictive on my diet. Week after week, I developed disordered eating, orthorexia and started binge eating. Sometimes I couldn't stop (that actually happened tonight, which rang a bell for me to seek help and share), but some of you probably know what it is like. After I came back from a trip, I decided that I was too mentally sick to continue on that track (about 8 months ago). I eased up on diet and exercise and changed my relationship with those elements of my life. I've gained 20 pounds in the process, but a good part of it is muscle. Fast forward to now. I changed school, and started training more seriously again. Then I wanted to eat more healthily... and realized I got in the same trap as before. Eat healthy, binge, anger, sadness, eat healthy...

That's on the inside. On the outside, I have a wonderful life. I'm good a school, good in sports, have a good family situation, win awards at school, activities... But that seem like never enough. I want to be the best, and won't settle for less than I can achieve. I think that all those people on social media that say "everyone can get in shape it's easy" somehow gave me this mentality I wasn't good enough if I wasn't lean and strong, things I try to achieve through diet.

So here I am. I just binged and realized I don't want to live this life anymore with that weight on my shoulders. I really want to change, but I want to keep my desire to be great. Just in a healthier way.

Anyone gone through this who would mind to share what worked for them ?

Cheers to all

Take a guess...
Created: Tue Nov 13 16:33:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wufl9/take_a_guess/
How did I deal with my emotions today?

Giant, massive, million calorie binge?
Unhealthy use of alcohol?
Fuck my abusive asshole of an ex because I need to feel something?

If you guessed all three, you’re tonight’s lucky winner!

I was doing sooo well. I had stayed away from him, was working out every day and restricting and finally starting to feel/look a little better.

Sigh. Why am I like this?

kinda panicking (((thanksgiving.. oh the joys)))
Created: Tue Nov 13 16:32:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wuf8k/kinda_panicking_thanksgiving_oh_the_joys/
my bf just told me he managed to get the entire thanksgiving week off from work and wants us to drive 600miles to spend the holiday with his mom, and so i can finally meet her.

i love traveling to different states especially during autumn/winter cause florida is so boring with the seasons, but i’m terrified of the food and i’m literally shaking just thinking about the weight i’ll gain.

he says his mom loves to cook so we probably would rarely eat out. i just want to be able to enjoy myself if we do go but it’s so hard to get out of my head and not feel disgusting about myself like how will i count calories for the homemade meals? how will i weigh myself? i’m stressed lol

Help me guess the calories!! They are vegan and made with chia seeds, olive oil ect
/u/m0nkeysinthewalls [171cm| 53.5kg| 18.3 | F ]
Created: Tue Nov 13 16:32:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wuf5i/help_me_guess_the_calories_they_are_vegan_and/

[Rant/Rave] Friend is jealous of my ED
Created: Tue Nov 13 16:28:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wue3l/friend_is_jealous_of_my_ed/
He's always saying he wish he had anorexia. I guess I feel that because I wish I had more self control around food but whatevs. What really bothers me tho is that he says hes fucking jealous that i had bulimia in middle school. Like, I WISH I wasn't scared of food. I WISH I could eat as much as you without freaking out. He thinks I'm recovered because I'm obese, and for some reason this makes it okay to joke about?? I'm way too uncomfortable with confrontation so I'll bite my tongue off before ever expressing my feelings but...it's fucked up. He doesn't realize that my picky eating isn't just that. I'm actually scared and I cry when people force me to eat new foods. He thinks it's just a quirk. He also says the same about my ADD

Anyways yeet y'all I just wanted to vent 😎

[Help] Purging issues
Created: Tue Nov 13 16:27:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wudmb/purging_issues/
I cant make myself puke with my fingers so I tried mustard powder and warm water. It made me nauseous alright but when I went to puke only a little came out. I couldn't even see food, just the water I drank. What am I doing wrong? I just.... I can't keep binging without getting it all out. I'm so frustrated.

[Rant/Rave] I just won the safe food lottery, y’all
/u/crazy-mcgee [5’5” | 140 | 23.3 | who even knows anymore| F]
Created: Tue Nov 13 16:21:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wubye/i_just_won_the_safe_food_lottery_yall/

I work in a small office of me and three other people. Our admin specialist regularly buys kcups and natures valley granola bars for the kitchen that I usually ignore because this girl cannot have just one shitty granola bar.

I’ve taken to eating my lunch in her office, and lately have been bringing quest bars with me to prove I’m eating. Obviously she does not realize that it’s 1/3 of my daily calories, and one of my like 5 safe foods. Today she informed me that since I apparently like them so well, she’s gonna start purchasing them with the rest of the office food as well. She warned me that chocolate chip cookie dough, s’mores, and birthday cake were the only flavours available from the place where she orders them, like that was a freaking problem 🙌

is this the real life or just fantasy because this shit is unreal. This is what people with restrictive EDs fucking fantasise about man, free quest bars as part of their benefits package.

[Discussion] Hi MTV, welcome to my snack hoarding drawer. (Snack drawer picture thread?)
/u/brattyfawn [5"1.5 | CW 103 | GW 95 | 18.8 | 22F]
Created: Tue Nov 13 16:17:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wuap5/hi_mtv_welcome_to_my_snack_hoarding_drawer_snack/

Can we give actual relationship advice???
/u/bunnywithbpd [5"2 || 104]
Created: Tue Nov 13 16:15:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wua3b/can_we_give_actual_relationship_advice/
**Disclaimer: I'm speaking of non-abusive relationships ONLY. This advice does not apply to actually horrible partners**
I see a lot of posts about boyfriend rants, many of which I noticed are unintended outbursts by the partner, and the comments are always "dump his ass!!" when honestly, it's fine to rant but yall comments are literally getting 1% of the relationship, so you can offer support but don't immediately jump to breaking up... let me get a few points out of my way:

1. You are dating a young person who never took a class on handling mental disorders, hell, not even basic communication. For men, in terms of them growing up, they were probably taught not to talk about emotions which makes most of them emotionally stunted and often, they usually never get the opportunity to vent and talk about their feelings towards other friends. You are probably his very few forms of actual intimacy. Don't walk into a relationship and expect to get perfect treatment from your partner, they are not therapists. Remind yourself, they too, are human, and will make mistakes and hurt you despite good intentions.
*But how do I help my partner be more understanding and compassionate?*
In the end, how they handle things are down to VERY SPECIFIC actions. Literally tell them SPECIFICALLY what to do. Saying stuff like "don't trigger me" is not helpful. Say things like, "Please tell me in advance in two or three days of a dinner date." or "Please message me if you are planning to make dinner and tell me what it is." or "Can we cook together this sunday night after you work? It will help me a lot with my ED." Remind them gently that this suggestions may seem small but are a great positive impact for you. *Expect them to forget occasionally, this is just habit building* Don't explode with anger if they mess up the first few times, remind them and trust that they'll do it next time.

2. **Stop asking sabotaging questions and stop projecting your insecurities.** Putting up a picture of a victoria's secret model and asking if she's more physically attractive is trapping them. If they say no, you're more beautiful, you'll feel like they're lying. If they say yes, they are more attractive, you would just get hurt. Asking questions such as "did I gain weight" when physically, you did, don't get upset when they said you did. And **don't paraphase what they said into a hurtful insult**, them telling you that you aren't model skinny doesn't not equal that you're fat.
*How do I stop this?*
Put yourself in their shoes. Compare a celebrity you find more physically attractive than your partner, or even a friend. Now, how do you feel? Are you going to leave your partner *the answer should be no* and do you still love your partner a lot? *the answer should be yes.* Move on. Remind yourself that even though you're not the hottest or skinniest person on the entire planet, doesn't mean they'll love you less or more. **THEY ARE DATING YOU FOR A REASON, FFS.**

Realize that a lot of things you care about are not permanent. Newsflash, even though you have an ED, it's physically easy to lose weight in a healthy way (if you're not underweight already) A caloric deficit is all you need to do it. If you still feel "ugly" I'm pretty sure you can name a few people/celebrities that weren't physically that attractive or ideally skinny but whom you still embraced due to their wonderful, charming personality. Have you ever met a physically attractive person, but then disliked later due to their personality? Do you have a wide range of people who you admire, but are different from each other? That's how you should see "being beautiful". Christmas lights are pretty, so are roses but both being completely different from each other doesn't mean they aren't beautiful.

Realize a lot of people are just physically average looking, which is fine. There's actually a lot of youtube compliations showing the extreme effect of makeup (example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vxi7gPddryM&) Don't unfairly compare yourself to others where they are just more skilled in makeup / camera angles. The only time you should compare yourself should be versions of yourself in the past.

*But I'll feel like I'll never be beautiful*
Never say never! Feeling beautiful is like growing a muscle, you gotta lift the weights and keep working on it, overtime it'll feel natural. If you grow self confidence, insecurities/jealousy/self sabotaging fades away.

3. **Your partner wasn't trained to be a nutritionist or handle weight loss.**
Remember that partners without an ED do not care as much about physical appearance as much as you do, so what they sense is a tiny comment might feel very hurtful for you. They don't know how to properly help someone on a diet journey.
If you tell them you're on a diet, them trying to help and say "are you sure you want to eat that?" is literally them just trying to help you. To them, it's just you eating a bag of chips. But to you, it's a mental retreat and an episode that may cause binge-eating. They don't know that. That may feel like an attack, but to them, it's literally just eating more or less. If this hurts you, remind them what to say specifically next time. If they are very uncomfortable with speaking, use hand signals. If they sense you are beginning binge-eating, tell them rubbing their nose or wiggling their ear and smiling at you means *"Hey...I think you might begin to binge eat or act on an unhealthy behavior, if you would stop for me, I'll be proud of you"*

4. **Commit to helping them as well as them helping you.** It might be a trigger for your partner to order take-out, but asking them to never order it again would be 100% effort for them with 0% effort from you getting out of your comfort zone. If they really want take-out, train yourself to stay in another room or tell them to plan a day where you can eat and challenge yourself to eat with a healthy mindset. Doing healthy things for others is helpful for both you and your partner. Do things for them as well -- do they struggle with depression or other issues? Ask what to do for them as well.

5. Immediately thinking "break up with them" if they did something is NOT healthy. It actually leads to a term called "splitting" which is black/whiting things. It's not a healthy mindset and you should always approach issues with a logical mind. What did they actually do? Can you solve it by a small action next time? If you cannot tell if it's abusive, consult a third party that you trust (preferably a therapist) and state actual facts of what happened.

There that is all. Rant over.

[Other] Trying to convince myself I’m healthy lol
/u/snackqueen18 [5’7” | CW 136 | GW ? | F25 |]
Created: Tue Nov 13 16:13:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wu9h1/trying_to_convince_myself_im_healthy_lol/
I obsessively count every single calorie I eat and plan meals days in advance and body check compulsively and stare in the mirror trying to imagine what a thin, attractive version of myself would look like but I eat 900-1000 calories a day so that means I am healthy and fine, right? 😅🙃

Should I keep binging?
Created: Tue Nov 13 15:42:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wtzt3/should_i_keep_binging/
It's like, I could stop this mental battle and enjoy myself today, or I can painstakingly keep battling for... what? Eventually maybe having a better looking body? That's not even guarenteed given my eating habits as of late, not to mention the length of time that will have to be fought through. So, yolo and just keep binging? Maybe I will.

I cooked!! (Chicken, sketti squash)
Created: Tue Nov 13 15:40:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wtzco/i_cooked_chicken_sketti_squash/

[Rant/Rave] I finally broke.
Created: Tue Nov 13 15:40:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wtz9r/i_finally_broke/
But I think I'll be okay.

I've been doing so, so good since September. Highest day in the 1100s. Continuous progress only interrupted by period bloat. Was actually raving on here about my first 10k and the awesome day that followed just a couple days ago.

Then I didn't even hit a LW and I binged for two days. Nothing was even really *wrong*, like there are some things going on in the dramasphere online that are bugging me and I'm mildly concerned that I need the drains in my house rooted, but there's no serious emotional pain.

I even have new winter running shoes.

But I still ate cheesebread and pizza and ice cream, then yesterday went fine until I ate pasta and cake and more cheesebread and just... Ugh.

I'm up three pounds, and I'm not even that mad. Like an exasperated parent of my own body, I'm just... Disappointed. I know it's mostly water and food, I know today is a new day, I know tomorrow morning is my scheduled rest day and then back at it, but... Ugh.

I have an event out of state this weekend where I'll no doubt be the prettiest girl in the room by nothing but the benefit of the target demographic (ham radio enthusiasts lean heavily toward being eccentric men over 50), but it's still a bit frustrating. I was really hoping to be at 120 by then.

[Rant/Rave] Too fat to get a job
Created: Tue Nov 13 15:34:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wtxl3/too_fat_to_get_a_job/
I have an interview tomorrow. It's at a makeup place and I just REALLY want this job. I'm in the higher end of a "healthy" weight range, I've been gaining fast, and all I can think is that I won't get this job because because I'm too fat. How can I work in the beauty industry when I obviously don't take care of myself? I know this probably isn't true but it's the only thing in my head. Over and over. I can't believe I let myself gain every bit of the weight I lost back. I want to hide and cry and never go out again but I need this job so I can quit the one I hate...

I know this isn't ED related, but I assume most of us suffer from anxiety and depression as well as our issues with food.
/u/lunasouseiseki [180cm | 77kg | 23.8 | -10kg | F:snoo_shrug:]
Created: Tue Nov 13 15:30:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wtw9q/i_know_this_isnt_ed_related_but_i_assume_most_of/

I love eating plain oatmeal
/u/Thatza_Latza_Matza [5'3" | CW 120 | BMI: 21.4 | -20]
Created: Tue Nov 13 15:28:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wtvi8/i_love_eating_plain_oatmeal/
It’s disgusting and it makes me feel full so I don’t binge. Plus it’s slimy so my appetite of fuckin GONE.

[Other] Thought I'd clogged a toilet
Created: Tue Nov 13 15:28:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wtvci/thought_id_clogged_a_toilet/
I spent £13 on a curry and 2 naan bread, ate it within 10 minutes and proceeded to purge it back up. I go to flush the toilet and instead see all the toilet water rising to the brim. Luckily I was at home and it all went back down, but my god did my heart stop for a second.

[Rant/Rave] I'm never buying bread again
/u/Waterweightless [167 cm| 52 kg| 18.65| 20F ]
Created: Tue Nov 13 15:08:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wtp2d/im_never_buying_bread_again/
Today I decided to buy some bread to treat myself because I was doing well with restriction and honestly I just love bread so much.

A couple of pieces of toast can't hurt I thougt. That's only like 160 calories. What could ever go wrong?

Well guess who just ate an entire loaf of bread in the span of a couple of hours and is now looking 4 months pregnant.

This girl.

That's well over 1500 calories not including all the shit I put on top of the bread. Hahaha pls kill me.

I sincerly hope you all had a better day than I did cause I'm just going to go dig a hole to die in now🙃

Sabotagey friends?
Created: Tue Nov 13 15:07:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wtoob/sabotagey_friends/
So i have a friend who knows how stressed I get about food. And he knows i regularly limit myself to 300-400 calories, and I Know that he throws up after most meals. However we’re both abroad and he wants to “make the most of the food” here and keeps asking to go out to eat. My thing is i’m great about limiting food when i’m on my own, but when i go out i get stressed if i don’t “eat my moneys worth” in food and then i feel the need to eat everything in front of me. He’s fine doing that because he THROWS IT ALL UP but i can’t do that and i refuse to because the only thing i’m proud of on my body is healthy teeth. He always asks me to go to AYCE places with him bc im the only one who can keep up with him as i can binge eat like a 6’ 400 lb man (i’m 5’4” and 125 lbs lmao), but i’ll keep up with him and then he’ll throw it up and i’m the only one literally pregnant afterwards. Even knowing that i get stressed about food (i regularly express this to him...bc he has an ED) he keeps insisting on going to nice food places !! The thing is he’s also bipolar and is SUPER needy and clingy and im okay with it because i don’t hang out with anyone but him (by choice) but he gets stressed apparently if i don’t dedicate enough of my time to him, although literally every second of my free time goes to spending time listening to him complain about his life. But everytime we try to hang out he keeps asking “let’s go eat at this place” or if i say i don’t wanna eat a lot he’s like “let’s split something!” Ok he’s like 5’11” and i’m 5’4” we can’t logically split something half-half and if we don’t and i eat my small share we’re splitting the cost unfairly because I’m eating less. Ugh another problem is every time we go out (he lost his credit card like the first week of school, it’s been like 2.5 months) i pay for both of our meals and he’s like oh i’ll venmo you, and i dont get venmoed for like a month unless i request everything. He’s always like oh my money will come in soon. And then has the nerve to keep asking me to venmo him when i owe him like 2€. Deadass the only reason he has had food for TWO MONTHS is me (and my parents money). But thats another story. No matter what even if i propose something different like museums or gardens he always goes back to “let’s get brunch at this cute place” or “let’s get drinks at this rooftop place” and the stress of having to deal with his bipolar food-enabling self and consequent money issues gets to me and makes ME stress binge and then hate myself even more and at this point i just don’t know how to approach it. Am i being selfish??? How do i make him stop proposing places to eat?? And why does EVERYTHING EVER revolve around food??????

do you eat mostly fruit, veggies, pasta/bread/grain, proteins, or fats?
Created: Tue Nov 13 15:01:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wtmpj/do_you_eat_mostly_fruit_veggies_pastabreadgrain/
i think im mostly veggies, then grain and fruit are tied for second

DAE facetune pics of their body and keep them as motivation?
/u/cinnabeom [5'1" | ??? | ?? | -?? | 19F]
Created: Tue Nov 13 14:59:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wtm3h/dae_facetune_pics_of_their_body_and_keep_them_as/
i would take pics of my body, facetune or photoshop them to look the way i want them to, and save it in a secret photo album app on my phone just to serve as motivation to keep restricting LOL. thinspo except it’s sorta u heh

when i do this, idgaf and i have bendy walls everywhere. it’s kinda funny. idc tho since it’s just for me to look at anyways! 😝

[Rant/Rave] moderation ?? idk her
/u/tired_platypus [5'4 | 117.2 lbs |F17]
Created: Tue Nov 13 14:57:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wtlaq/moderation_idk_her/
gotta love that disordered life, it’s either a 3000+ cal binge day or 300- restrict day. god i wish i was a normal person who eats food regularly with m o d e r a t i o n.. well i fucked up today so i guess the rest of the week is low restrict. *cant wait*

[Rant/Rave] aaaAAaaAahhhh
/u/acrsita [Height 5'7| CW 47kg | BMI 16.5| Weight Lost ??| Gender ??]
Created: Tue Nov 13 14:29:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wtc93/aaaaaaaaahhhh/
my period stopped in may.


i haven’t even gained weight. i’ve stopped binging and purging so much, but??? i literally haven’t eaten for 48 hours as of now. i am at my lowest weight.

why the fuck is it back? that must mean i’m not underweight enough and not skinny enough which means i need to starve for even longer!! yay me!!!!!

[Rant/Rave] Another shameful binge food grocery run
/u/kimboislame [5'1 | CW: 115 | SW: 125 | GW: 105 | 19F]
Created: Tue Nov 13 14:28:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wtbpc/another_shameful_binge_food_grocery_run/
Just when I thought all the food and money I wasted on yesterday’s grocery run, I went to another grocery store for some really gnarly low quality snacks. I was on line to checkout with two family size boxes of cereal, a package of Chips Ahoy and Oreos and I saw from the corner of my eye an elderly couple whispering in each other’s ear and looking at me. I felt like the biggest whale in the world.

Can anyone talk?
Created: Tue Nov 13 14:02:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wt3a3/can_anyone_talk/
Just listen to my bullshit?

[Discussion] Does anyone else not know why they starve?
Created: Tue Nov 13 13:58:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wt1u1/does_anyone_else_not_know_why_they_starve/
I’m not far, I’m ten pounds underweight and I don’t see any benefits to getting slimmer, but I still want to see my bones for some fucking reason and feel driven to lose more weight for no reason

[Discussion] Your favourite energy drink?
Created: Tue Nov 13 13:57:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wt1nw/your_favourite_energy_drink/

So I just recently got into energy drinks, partly for the energy boost, partly for the alleged appetite suppression, partly for its weight loss/diuretic effect (half the superskinny's on SS vs SS drink energy drinks like no tomorrow).

I'm wondering, what are your favourites for energy boost? Best appetite suppressant?

I've only tried some zero/extremely low cal ones: Monster Ultra (red is my favourite taste, less sweet than the others), but those don't really give me much of an energy boost (except if I get the large 500ml cans) and tbh, they don't really suppress my appetite all that much, really make me want to binge on sweets more and I've tried the Red Bull Zero and Sugarfree. Sugarfree sucks imo, zero gives me at least some energy and I'm actually enjoying the taste. Appetite suppressant? Hmm, kind of...

Any recommendations?

(oh yeah, I know they're not good for you and blablabla, thanks)

Dietary tips for losing fat and gaining muscle simultaneously
Created: Tue Nov 13 13:56:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wt1by/dietary_tips_for_losing_fat_and_gaining_muscle/
Hi guys!!

For the past month I’ve been getting into the gym and lifting weights/doing strengthening exercises to gain some muscle. I have no butt/hips and am trying to get some curves.

However, my ultimate goal is to be slim/tiny but with an hourglass figure. I still want to lose some fat, which to my disordered self means restrict.
But I have to eat to gain muscle. So it is a dilemma. Idk how much to eat.

Wondering if any of you guys have been able to lose fat and gain muscle at the same time and if so what did you eat? Idc if its healthy I just want to accomplish it!

Just thought I’d add I’ve been using protein powder after each workout!

Thanks in advance guys, love u all, hope you’re having a good day xx

[Other] i realized i have a problem
/u/crossdressingcarp [5’10 | 21f | cw: 🐘 | 🍑🐻]
Created: Tue Nov 13 13:56:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wt13k/i_realized_i_have_a_problem/
i always thought i was just exaggerating my ed and that it wasn’t that bad but i just started watching this show about young adults with a severe ed trying to overcome it together by starting a dinner club (or at least that’s what i gathered so far LOL) and i’m shook because these people do all the things i do and they have an actual, probably pretty severe ed so i guess that means i’m more sick than i thought i was? anyway, wild

Appetite suppressants
Created: Tue Nov 13 13:53:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wt0bu/appetite_suppressants/
Anyone used these. I'm thinking of buying some like over the counter but I want opinions on what works best before I waste my money

Before your ED, how weird were you about food as a kid?
/u/LolitaJane [5'7" | CW 176.4 | LW 129 | HW 290 | GW 108 | 31F]
Created: Tue Nov 13 13:42:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wswti/before_your_ed_how_weird_were_you_about_food_as_a/
Maybe this might be more relevant for people whose EDs emerged at or around puberty, but feel free to chime in regardless.

I was *intensely* weird about food. I had a very limited set of what I'd now call Safe Foods, and I wouldn't eat anything outside of that. Like, *beyond* picky, I hated everything.

My stepfather hated my pickiness, he'd force feed me, scream at me until I puked, on occasion he made me eat my puke, but it was the one place where I just would. not. bend. I spent hours and hours sitting in crying misery at the table in front of foods I was refusing to eat.

That was fucked up, but the experience of unfamiliar foods was such a stressor for me I think I would have developed an ED no matter what. My grandma for sure and probably my mother have them in varying degrees.

[Help] Just fucked up at the grocery store
Created: Tue Nov 13 13:36:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wsuq6/just_fucked_up_at_the_grocery_store/
Idk guys I need help. There’s this one grocery store here that I’m always anxious in but usually has the safe food cheaper than anywhere else so I buy my ed food and my alcohol there.

Today I was buying the most drunkorexic shopping list ever and I fucking broke a wine bottle at the self check out. I look like a fucked up alcoholic. I should probably die. It was embarrassing. And then when they went to check me out (and let me grab another wine bottle) they double scanned my vodka. I went back in to ask them about it but then got scared that there didn’t seem to be a customer service desk where I thought there was and chickened out and left. Idk if I should take this as evidence that I shouldn’t come back and shouldn’t eat ever or if I should call them and ask them for the money back. It’s $10 but that’s a lot to my broke ass right now. Should I get drunk and make the call?

when i’m fasting i make gross compilation vids of fat people eating or doing mukbangs
Created: Tue Nov 13 13:24:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wsqie/when_im_fasting_i_make_gross_compilation_vids_of/
like lmaooo that’s so shitty but it literally grosses me out.. like nikocado avocado and hungry fat chick and amberlynn reid.. it completely kills any appetite i had. i don’t want to see myself on their level

[Rant/Rave] i just bought sleeping pills
/u/basicvodkaboy [let's dove into champagne fountains/cw 120lbs/ gw: birth weight]
Created: Tue Nov 13 13:20:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wsp91/i_just_bought_sleeping_pills/
so heres the plan: i like to eat in the evening. i never eat in the morning. so when i take a sleeping pill at night, i can’t eat. and when i can’t eat, i loose weight.





excuse me, but wHaT tHE fUcK

what is fucking wrong with me???? me, a boy, has to buy skinny jeans in the women petite section because the men’s section doesn’t have my size anymore, but i need to loose MORE weight???? sure jan! sounds like a fucking great plan!!!! your therapist wants you to stop loosing weight, but what does she even know???? she only worked with ed people for 17 years and told you that you could die because your liver gives up!!! but who tf cares, am i right??? let her give up!!! she worked hard, she’s the hardest working liver in the universe and she sure does deserve a break!!!! when will i be satisfied??? when i reach my fucking birth weight???? probably so i just keep trying lol

anyways i just needed a place to vent about my escapades again, thanks for coming to my ted talk

[Rant/Rave] I’ve been nicer to myself today and am having horrible horrible regrets
/u/BluntCakes_ [5’7 | CW117.9 | 18.47 | GW112 | 18F]
Created: Tue Nov 13 13:16:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wso14/ive_been_nicer_to_myself_today_and_am_having/
So last night I hit a huge goal of mine, to be underweight! Great! So I guess I felt I should try being ‘kinder’ since I feel safer-

So today I had breakfast: the usual oatmeal and apple... with fucking peanut butter. (Love hate relationship). It was disgusting and I hated it and regretted all the calories.

No snacks because I don’t snack and I was feeling so gross that I was going to skip lunch. Then I thought to myself, oh dear no, you’re underweight you can be ALLOWED to eat lunch.

So I had raw vegetables, hummus, and some edamame. And guess what else. A fucking whole grain peanut butter sandwich. I thought I could handle it. I regret it. It was probably infinite calories and now I know for sure I can’t deal with ever eating peanut butter again. Today has been so terrible and I wish I could feel alright that I ate the way I did. I don’t purge and I won’t but fuck I feel disgusting and despise myself again. I’ll be overweight by the days end I feel like. I’m sure I’m still below maintenance but NOT if I eat dinner. I have to skip, right? I was going to give myself one ‘nice day’ and I couldn’t even handle that. Tell me to skip dinner. Tell me I’m disgusting for eating the way I did. I don’t deserve any of it yet. Agh.

I want to cry and feel like an absolute fatass now.

Back after a month long absence
Created: Tue Nov 13 13:14:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wsn5t/back_after_a_month_long_absence/
Hey friends, it's been a while. I've been off binging. I gained 7 pounds back so I'm back at 214. I got back to logging in MFP again today and it's making me feel so much better. I'm on the bus home now and that's usually my binge time is when I get home from school. I'm going to try my hardest to pull through though. I'm going to stay on here to keep me from binging. Anyway wish me luck I'm sure I'll post again in the next few hours.

Stay safe friends!

I finally fucking get it
Created: Tue Nov 13 12:57:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wshka/i_finally_fucking_get_it/
So, like, I’ve always had a weird relationship with food, but I’m starting to restrict super hard, and at first it was cus I wanted to be skinny and pretty, because I’ve been that skinny before.

Then this weekend my boyfriend had a pretty serious talk with me about my eating habits and he said stuff like, “if you wanna be skinny then just work out with me!” “You’re beautiful just the way you are!” And I finally realized, this isn’t about being skinny, I mean it is, but not really. It’s about control. Everything I do in my life is because somebody else makes me, wake up, go to work, go home, clean the house, go to bed. Eating and working out are the only things I chose to do. My body is the only thing nobody can make me do anything with. As long as I have control over what I put in my body and how often I work out I’ll be okay.

[Help] How long do I have to be off the EC Stack to begin feeling effects again?
Created: Tue Nov 13 12:56:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wsh4i/how_long_do_i_have_to_be_off_the_ec_stack_to/
I was taking it for about 6 weeks but it was no longer really having and effect. How long do I have to "detox" before it has an effect again?

New FUN games I’m playing with myself
/u/wiggimal [5'6 | 128 | 21.0 | -57 | F]
Created: Tue Nov 13 12:52:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wsfrp/new_fun_games_im_playing_with_myself/
How long can a sleep deprived college student survive on only Starbucks and lite beer?! How many days in a row can her boyfriend find out she’s not eating before he leaves her!? WELL congratulations me I’m back down to a weight where I hate myself a little less and I guess that’s all my fucked up brain cares about! Yay!

[Tip] Quest has pizza....
/u/feelsomethinggg [5'7 | 173 |24.1|-9| 24F]
Created: Tue Nov 13 12:50:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wsfap/quest_has_pizza/
So quest makes pizza now. Maybe it's been a thing but I just found out.
So gonna stock up , it's slightly expensive tho.
But you can eat 1/3 or a 1/2 of a pizza depending on the flavor.
And it is only around 300-350cals. Packed with protein AND low carb.
I'm doing OMAD and low restriction so it's nice to have that and be able to add something else small and feel full. But I guess it also takes some self control which isn't always easy lmao.
Been a rough few days. Hope everyone is doing well and feeling okay.
Happy Tuesday ❤

[Discussion] Go to exercise?
/u/stardustandpoetry [5'7 | CW:152lbs|GW:118 lbs|F]
Created: Tue Nov 13 12:44:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wsdc1/go_to_exercise/
What are some of your favourite, go-to, holy grail exercise videos that *actually* help you? I'm trying to expand my exercise repertoire so my body doesn't get stuck in a rut because I've been literally doing blogilates for 4 years. Here are some of my faves for lower body/inner thigh:

Ballet and Barre: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=udGm\_c0XuL4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=udGm_c0XuL4)


[https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x51tc11](https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x51tc11) Longer one, and it scares me that she’s so muscular but oh well!

Blogilates: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bEQnmWd4D5E](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bEQnmWd4D5E)




Post links!

I lack a sense of identity
Created: Tue Nov 13 12:44:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wsd9h/i_lack_a_sense_of_identity/
So I was reading this book called "The Sacred Enneagram" today and in it the author writes something pretty eloquent and I feel like it underlines what a lot of my struggles boil down to:

>"Over-identifying with our success or failure, allowing the fragments of our identity to lay claim to the whole, and falling into the addictive loop of our mental and emotional preoccupations keep us stuck."
>"My own consistent struggle is to recognize my addictive tendency to validate my worth (dignity) by curating an unrealistic and unattainable projection of who I think I need to be (identity)."

The times where I feel the most lost/vulnerable/insecure about who I am and what I'm worth are the times where my destructive habits resurface again. In the book he mentions that we all find ourselves bouncing around three human lies that we believe about our identity:

>"I am what I have, I am what I do, and I am what other people say or think about me."

I stop eating when I want to identify with my pain, I binge when I want to identify with my sadness/repressed anger, and I stop caring when I identify too strongly with my failures. I can't just exist with my feelings, I have to act them out too. If I don't, I don't feel like I have an identity or feelings at all. I repress them so much to the point where all my brain can do is just do these self-destructive rituals to cope.

I need therapy lmao.

lost 8lbs since november 5th
Created: Tue Nov 13 12:44:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wsd7w/lost_8lbs_since_november_5th/
i’m 12lbs away from my first goal.. i just hope to be half way there before thanksgiving :/

i need to start exercising to push it more, i just feel so gross in my body and also embarrassed even though i know others literally won’t give a shit lol it’s just hard to step outside of my insecurities

🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻 fingers crossed for more progress

Any way to make ballerina tea not taste like ass?
Created: Tue Nov 13 12:39:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wsbgz/any_way_to_make_ballerina_tea_not_taste_like_ass/
I've gotten into the habit of drinking ballerina tea, mostly after a binge. But, and maybe it's just me, it tastes horrible! I tried to put a little honey or truvia in it but it doesn't help. Ballerina tea drinkers, do y'all have any tricks to make it taste a little better or do you just grin and bear it?

[Goal] 24hr fast first time
Created: Tue Nov 13 12:25:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ws6xa/24hr_fast_first_time/
Today my goal is to make it the full 24hr fast. I wont eat until 6pm because I gained weight over the weekend instead of losing. I'm 14lbs from my goal weight as of this morning. I was only 11lbs on friday. Why am I such a fat pig?! For dinner I'll eat less then 500cals and I will repeat this cycle until Thanksgiving if need be. I will not be a fat bride. I'm sick of looking at my jiggle and fluffy bits, I want them all gone.

[Rant/Rave] The nicest compliment I've received
/u/coffeehearts [5'5" | 27 |CW 118.6 | 19.7 | F]
Created: Tue Nov 13 12:13:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ws2qj/the_nicest_compliment_ive_received/
I saw some old High School friends for the first time in years. My friend called me waifish!

Waifish! I am still swooning at the thought of this word applying to ME of all people. Now all I can think about is how I want to be waifish forever.

Hey, overweight ED-afflicted person here— how much do you guys weigh? What are your goal weights
Created: Tue Nov 13 12:05:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ws005/hey_overweight_edafflicted_person_here_how_much/
I’m 180 5’8”, female

[Other] Easier to restrict if I can't eat anyway... Right?
/u/NovANDP [5'2 | CW 149.04 | BMI 27.3 | SW 172 | Chronic Dumbass]
Created: Tue Nov 13 12:05:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wrztf/easier_to_restrict_if_i_cant_eat_anyway_right/
To start, I have a lot of allergies. I mean a LOT of allergies. I've always known this, but I recently got the first half of allergy testing, and I am allergic to all but 1 of the things that they tested for. I know I have even more food allergies.
I've often been able to get away with not eating, because most of what offered is something that I shouldn't have, although my food allergies aren't deadly (as far as I know, I can eat things I'm allergic to, I just have to bear some moderate discomfort).
If I'm restricting, which is basically all the time, I can almost always get away with saying I can't eat because of allergies.... If only I was allergic to unhealthy foods, but instead it's mostly just fruits, vegetables, and nuts. Sigh...

TLDR(is that how you type it?): I have weird food allergies, and I use them to get out of eating. Woohoo.

[Discussion] DAE have an irrational fear of calories
Created: Tue Nov 13 12:03:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wrz6r/dae_have_an_irrational_fear_of_calories/
continued i suppose? i know most of us are super worried about them. i know i am. energy drinks are such a safe haven for me. but i find myself being scared to drink water from anywhere but the bottle, even then im afraid theres calories even though i KNOW its just water. today i almost didnt brush my teeth because i was afraid of calories in the tooth paste. im going CRAZY!!! am i alone in this?

[Rant/Rave] will it ever be enough for me?
Created: Tue Nov 13 12:00:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wry9a/will_it_ever_be_enough_for_me/
ive lost 20lbs. im nearing 30. i want to lose more than that. i love looking at the graph and watching the slope get steeper. i dont want to become ugly. i wont gain weight again. but im on the path to precipice. there is nothing after. my mouth tastes like energy drinks and bile.

I sound like a complete narcissist but....
/u/rosepurplesoup [5'10" | 173 fuck me | 24.2 | -10 | F]
Created: Tue Nov 13 12:00:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wrxzp/i_sound_like_a_complete_narcissist_but/
Does anyone else end up staring at old pictures of yourself for hours? I just keep thinking I would love to have that body (and slimmer face omg) again

Bought a coffee to-go mug...
/u/brlouse [5'2 | 116.8 | 21.3 | -24 | F]
Created: Tue Nov 13 11:59:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wrxwh/bought_a_coffee_togo_mug/
...so I can drink vegetable broth out of it. Too excited for these future lunches.

Favorite no carb/low carb foods??
/u/brlouse [5'2 | 116.8 | 21.3 | -24 | F]
Created: Tue Nov 13 11:58:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wrxbw/favorite_no_carblow_carb_foods/
Please inspire me beyond having bread and cheese all the freaking time I need to stop

Binging on drinks
Created: Tue Nov 13 11:54:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wrw7b/binging_on_drinks/
This has become my most annoying habit. I rarely crave solid food right now but I think about stuff like frappe's, fancy juices, non-diet soda ALL THE TIME. I try to just drink black coffee and diet coke and la croix but its not the same. I will literally go around to different coffee shops/fast food places in the span of a couple hours to get several drinks so I won't be judged. It's so dumb and such a money pit but there you go. I tried the new like Christmas flavor of Mountain Dew yesterday and I'm in love. Why can't everything come with an artificially sweetened alternative.

[Rant/Rave] boyfriend called me fat :))))()
Created: Tue Nov 13 11:39:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wrqz1/boyfriend_called_me_fat/
i dont have an eating disorder... just maybe disordered eating. anyways aside from that

today otp w my ldr bf
he was trying at first to convince me to not do intermittent fasting saying i wasnt consistent and all
i was telling him i was fairly consistent and that isnt true
he told me to go back to my old diet (what i did back in early june)
(lol restriction but under the guise of my nutritionists diet plan)
i kept insisting that i feel better doing intermittent its better for my relationhship with food etc
he was saying otherwise
we were getting a little heated debating till he just bursts out
“I CAN TELL JUST BY LOOKING AT YOU..” pauses realizes thats bad wording “Sorry if thats offensive I don’t mean it like that But i can just tell you were skinnier back then”
Me: radio silence
He had to go after that
I feel terrible
I started crying right after I hung up. Wow. Ans then i looked at myself in the mirror and broke down. Wow. And Now im tearing up writing this. He apologized on text after saying he doesnt think im fat. But yeah thats a load of lies i know. im seeing him in 50 days.. and I feel so ashamed of the body Im in. Wow.

How often do you have to purge before your jaw gets kinda swollen and it's noticeable?
/u/dried_pineapple [4 '11 | Goal: 90 lbs | F 26]
Created: Tue Nov 13 11:26:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wrmo0/how_often_do_you_have_to_purge_before_your_jaw/

[Discussion] Let’s talk medical
Created: Tue Nov 13 11:26:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wrmiu/lets_talk_medical/
I’ve suddenly developed what i’m guessing is rheumatoid arthritis, or at least something similar. The thing is, i’ve never had any issues with arthritis until heavily restricting (though RA runs in the family unfortunately.) but i’m only 30 years old damn it! Yet the best part is instead of normal brain saying “you need to take better care if yourself and go to your doctor” ED brain instead tells me “welp, we both know you aren’t going to a doctor till you lose 10 more pounds. To hell if i’m going to see your CW get recorded when they weigh you!”

Do what are some new medical issues that you’re dealing with thanks to ED?

[Rant/Rave] TFW when your office is a fake safe space
/u/saltsplendasriracha [5'7"| CW 121 | GW 113 | +8 | F]
Created: Tue Nov 13 11:10:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wrhe0/tfw_when_your_office_is_a_fake_safe_space/
My office is my private space 99% of the time. Except when I’m stress eating, and my boss or another attorney walks in and I say “oh, sorry, I’m in the middle of eating” and they’re like “oh it’s fine” and STAY THERE. Even worse, when I’m trying to CS and have to fucking swallow what’s in my mouth. When this happens I want to type up an office memo that says “my office is CLOSED.”

Psychiatrist stopped prescribing Adderall :(
/u/Emorito [5'3 |CW: 109 |-36 | 22F]
Created: Tue Nov 13 10:51:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wraod/psychiatrist_stopped_prescribing_adderall/
So I use Adderall to restrict and to avoid binging until the end of the day (often doesn’t work) but I’m freaking out because I’m scared I’ll just be b/p-ing nonstop now.... she says she won’t prescribe it until I get treatment and stabilize my eating but I’m really upset about this. I’ve been considering ec stacking for the first time now but idk if it’ll be the same....

[Goal] Fasting tomorrow til Tuesday!
/u/conuretrash [5'4''| 20 F | CW 147 | GW 115| -43 |]
Created: Tue Nov 13 10:51:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wraoc/fasting_tomorrow_til_tuesday/
I need to post for my own accountability/peace of mind. Usually I end my fast early via fat logic-ing myself. Well self, you’re not breaking your fast early!

I broke my phone...time to fast!
/u/PoorLama [6ft | CW 188 | BMI 25.5 | Weight Lost 12lb | Gender F]
Created: Tue Nov 13 10:45:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wr8ik/i_broke_my_phonetime_to_fast/
This honestly feels so petty but it's stressed me out so much....

So I dropped my phone and it randomly won't turn on and the screen is just a messy blur. I'm so careful with my stuff and now it's busted after only a year of having it.

I got in touch with tech support and after trying everything + a factory reset, it's still wrecked. Annnnnd I'm out of warranty with $0 to pay for a new one. :-(

Whatever, gives me an excuse to punish myself and restrict more for being a fuckup.

[Rant/Rave] I hate myself
/u/Anavosa [5’1” | 123.6 | 21.16 | Female]
Created: Tue Nov 13 10:39:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wr6px/i_hate_myself/
I want to cut out sugar, but I have hypoglycemia so I can’t. I want to cut out salt, but I have low blood pressure so I can’t. I want to go vegan, but I can’t because I have pernicious anemia. I want to work out, but I can’t because I have physical problems with my legs. I want to lose weight, but I don’t know how to. MFP is helpful, but i don’t know how many calories I was eating before my diet so I don’t even know if I am dieting. Sorry for ranting. Im just so frustrated. I feel like I’ll never reach my GW because of my health problems.

[Discussion] winter break resolutions- exercise help?
/u/pistachiocreams [63"| 105.5 | -18 | F :pupper:]
Created: Tue Nov 13 10:36:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wr5rj/winter_break_resolutions_exercise_help/
i get off for break in a couple days (it goes through new years) and i am ready to get back in business!!
i want to lose 7 lbs by january. one of my goals is to do some sort of exercise each night before i go to bed because i really want to tighten my stomach up.
does anyone have anything that has really helped them? simpler is better but i also really want to see results

a mediocre idea that my dumbass thinks demonstrates peak human intelligence
Created: Tue Nov 13 10:30:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wr3ld/a_mediocre_idea_that_my_dumbass_thinks/
so im a big 2 minute noodle fan and i love this brand maggi, and they have a delicious curry flavor noodles. it always makes me sad when i think about the amount of calories in it.
one day, i was looking for soup, for dinner, but wasn't in the mood for anything in my ed stash. then it hit me, i could just add the 2 minute noodle seasoning to hot water, and it'll be like a 'soup'. i checked online, it was about 35 calories when you dont add the noodles. dinner was great, pretty good serving size, super spicy which ultimately made me feel super full.
probably a bit of a stupid idea but i now think im the next albert einstein.

tldr; i discovered i could add 2 minute flavourings to hot water for a low calorie soup

[Discussion] EC stacking and FREEZING?
Created: Tue Nov 13 10:28:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wr2wp/ec_stacking_and_freezing/
I did my first EC stack this morning and I am SO COLD like full body shivering. I took one Bronkaid pill and about 200mg of caffeine. I had read a lot about the different effects that I might experience while EC stacking and being cold was never on any list. DAE ever get cold? Maybe this is just my first time reaction and it won’t happen later on but wow I was not expecting this.

Does anyone else get crackly joints?
/u/bashytr0n [5'2"|90lbs|17.1| GW 40kg/88lbs | LW 35kg/77lbs]
Created: Tue Nov 13 10:26:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wr2bq/does_anyone_else_get_crackly_joints/
Ive always been a bit of a crack addict, mostly just my neck and knuckles, but recently its like all my joints are cracking constantly. I can crack my fingers over and over again just by flexing my hand out. I do it in my sleep and sometimes it keeps me up because i keep feeling like i need to relieve the tension.

My shoulders and pelvis-thigh joints also click in and out sometimes. None of this really hurts but can be a bit uncomfortable because it feels like im not getting my full range of motion.

Google says its mostly harmless but i just thought id check in with you guys in case its restriction or diet related. I do take vitamins but its getting a bit embarassing doing stretches in class with my skeleton loudly pop alockin away the entire time.

I'm trying to get help through my college, any ideas on what to expect?
Created: Tue Nov 13 09:57:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wqshi/im_trying_to_get_help_through_my_college_any/
I asked my lecturer about if I can speak to a counsellor through the college. He ended up giving me an email I'd already tried, they'd wanted me to do a 30 minute phone call with them (which I was unwilling to do). He wouldn't let me leave the room without telling him what was wrong and when I said I thought I could have some form of an ED he refused to let me leave without me consenting to him contacting someone.

He said he'd give the same place my details and insist I need a face to face appointment, but said I'd have final say to whether it happened or not. I'm not sure how to feel about the entire process.

Sorry, word vomit. Anyways my question is, if I go through with this (still not sure), any ideas for what I should expect? Has anyone else gone through their college/uni/school for help? What is the initial appointment like? Is there any risk of them informing my family?

[Rant/Rave] Sorry oof
/u/crystal_methmath [4'11" | 115 | ew. | 10lbs | F]
Created: Tue Nov 13 09:53:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wqqvj/sorry_oof/
I don’t want this to sound...pretentious? But I can restrict really well. I can do under 200 calories for very long time with occasionally 900 or something. But the thing is that I’m type 1 Diabetic. If I restrict I can go into ketoacidosis which can kill me. I mean idk i don’t really want die and I don’t feel like explain what it is but I just wanted to say something. Yeah... idk what to do. :( I’m gonna go cry now cya peeps.

[Discussion] a conflict about getting older with my eating disorder
/u/chrysanthemym [🌻 she/her | cw: 145 | gw: 108 🌻]
Created: Tue Nov 13 09:45:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wqobb/a_conflict_about_getting_older_with_my_eating/
I was having a discussion with myself last night about everything. About my eating disorder, about why I feel such a deep, burning, searing nostalgic pull towards looking small, ethereal, fragile, etc. about why I feel so deeply emotionally triggered by looking at photos of thin people I find attractive or beautiful, about why I feel so obsessed with that, why i feel

Last night was really exhausting mentally.

I decided to face everything. My eating disorder, my thoughts about life and about what I want and how I see myself. I decided to ask myself:

\> Why do I feel such a deep emotional burning, almost searing, pull towards looking small, ethereal, and fragile? So much so that a mere photo of someone looking skinny immediately triggers that psychological response? Why do I feel so obsessed with looking a certain way? What "caused" this?

\> Why am I so attracted to sadness? Why do I find it almost addicting?

Last night, when I was turning these questions in my head I came to a huge realization and roadblock. I asked myself, will I want this when I'm older? Can I see myself excruciatingly counting down each calorie and being hyper aware of how much I eat when I'm 30? 40? even 50? or 60? Do I really want to be lying on my deathbed remembering about how many nights I spent alone in my house, refusing friends invitations and dinner parties because I was afraid of the calories? Do I want to remember that isolation and regret wasting so much time on that?

And I don't know my answer to that.

[Help] 'starvation mode' - a real thing? Or just utter bs?
Created: Tue Nov 13 09:43:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wqnuc/starvation_mode_a_real_thing_or_just_utter_bs/
So I constantly see people referring to this 'starvation mode' which occurs when you go below a certain amount of calories usually like 1000. Is it true? Will I just completely diminish my metabolism if I eat say 400 cal a day? Or will my body still use the same overall and I'll lose faster? Any info would be super helpful, thanks :)

Created: Tue Nov 13 09:38:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wqmbc/ffs/

[Help] OMAD and binging at night
/u/ihate-chicken [5’7” | CW:109.5 | 17.09]
Created: Tue Nov 13 09:38:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wqm4o/omad_and_binging_at_night/
So I’ve been doing OMAD with dinner for a little while now but the past few weeks I’ve been eating more after dinner because eating ironically makes me hungrier after.

Has this happened to others? I’m thinking of trying a smaller lunch today and smaller dinner to see if that helps my binging...

Can I get someone to psych me up for a hookup?
/u/Call_me_Cassius [5'5" | CW: too high | GW: too low | -45lb | M21]
Created: Tue Nov 13 09:37:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wqlrc/can_i_get_someone_to_psych_me_up_for_a_hookup/
I'm gay, and I like to use grindr to trigger myself. Just one guy stopping talking to me after I send pics and I'm restricting for months! Except it backfired this time and I've ended up chatting with a guy I'm really into. We've seen each other irl, I've been wondering about him for a while, but I don't think he's paid any attention to or recognized me (he's on the cheer squad and I'm in the marching band, so we're at stuff together a lot but I'm in a huge group hidden in a uniform and he's much more visible and in a smaller group.)

Anyway, he's willing to meet up tonight and I really want to but the whole reason I went back on grindr in the first place is because I'm feeling horrified by how much I've been eating and wanted someone to implicitly call me fat so I'd stop. I don't think my pics don't accurately capture how jiggly gross I am. I'm scared he's gonna come over and be disappointed and leave. I'm scared he's gonna come over and get angry and accuse me of catfishing. I want to get rejected cause I'm fat, but not in person by someone I really like!

Is my fear founded? And if not, can I get someone to psych me up? A "he knows exactly how fat you are from your pics and probably doesn't mind", a " you can't let your weight stop you from living your life!" or something? (If it is founded, please tell/warn me lol.)

[Discussion] Accountability Thread on r/proED?
Created: Tue Nov 13 09:31:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wqju6/accountability_thread_on_rproed/
I’m halfway through my first fast (24 hours) and wanted to make an accountability thread documenting my experience. My next fast will be 48 hours..then 72 hours. Are accountability threads allowed? J/W. I’m new here so I’m not super familiar with this subreddit.

I write myself little meanspos at my desk, and accidentally left one out at work. Oops!
Created: Tue Nov 13 09:02:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wqacb/i_write_myself_little_meanspos_at_my_desk_and/
Came back from the loo and saw my boss standing near my desk where one of my calligraphy reminders to not eat at my desk had uncurled. God I'm mortified. The piece of paper in question said in lovely curly writing "no food fatty" lol. He must think I'm so extra. (BTW I do eat, I'm just trying to not eat more than my limit at work, and being bored at my desk is hard when restricting. So don't worry about me lol!)

Ever given away anything like that to friends or family? How do you even begin to explain?

[Discussion] Safe Thanksgiving recipe thread
Created: Tue Nov 13 09:01:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wqa0j/safe_thanksgiving_recipe_thread/
So, with the great feast rapidly approaching, the great fear comes with it. Like a lot of us on here, though, I LOVE to cook, and am obsessed with feeding other people. As a result I always do the cooking for Thanksgiving, which is pretty great, because that means I can control the recipes we use and I can feel more secure in what I put on my plate.

I usually make a few really low cal bulk foods to fill up on and then try to mitigate the calorie bombs that are the more traditional foods.

In honor of having a safe thanksgiving, I thought we could all share our TiPZzz-n-tRIcKz for Thanksgiving recipes, so feel free to get menu crazy!

men are fucking pigs and im not even suprised
/u/howunfortunate_ [5'3 / cw: 118.2 lbs / bmi: too much / -21 lbs / gw1: 109lbs]
Created: Tue Nov 13 09:01:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wq9z1/men_are_fucking_pigs_and_im_not_even_suprised/
i know there's guys that come here and i don't wanna shit on you by indirectly shitting on your gender, please dont take this the wrong way!! honestly just venting here.

so, context. this is someone i sext with but we're also close friends. he knows i'm bi so he sometimes he sends me pics of girls he thinks are cute (which makes me jealous and wanna die 🙃 but anyway). he sent a kpop girls face, who happens to be in my thinspo folder that i look at whenever im tempted to buy food lmao.

so i sent a pic of her to be like oh yeah i know her. basically just a pic where you could see her tiny perfect waist. and he was said: "yikes he looks anorexic af". and immediately afterward: "damn id lick her tummy tho"

then later that same night when i lowkey admitted im starving myself again (despite life threatening health issues hahahah,) he tried to talk me out of it saying that i should eat to be healthy during my treatment and weight is unimportant anyway. and that i place a weird chunk on my self steem on how much i weigh which is unhealthy.

fucking. seriously??? REALLY now??? men ogle at women that are 92 lbs and drink nothing but soy milk to diet (which is what the kpop idol said she did in the past) then try to tell me health is what is important. like fuck off. its either one or the other, kiddo!

maybe its because my ED is directly related to seeking validation from men (cliche ik) but holy fuck it grinds my gears. its not the 1st time ive seen men pull shit like this either. the women they jerk off to and fawn over never look as fat as me. the women they crush on never look as pudgy and plain as me. ive never had a real, physical relationship because to men im invisible, being a pudgy, plain, quiet piece of shit nerd.

hey. newsflash. you cannot hold thin women as the pinnacle of beauty then expect me NOT to starve myself. god knows when i'm 97 lbs you won't give a shit how i got there anyway. lmao. thank u and goodnight.

Need support
Created: Tue Nov 13 08:59:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wq9d0/need_support/
I want someone to talk to for moral support and whatnot. Mostly encouragement and discussing food and eating habits. If you also want that too then send me a PM! So much easier with a friend for support

[Rant/Rave] Slipping
/u/nekkedpebbl [5'2.25🌻100.6🌻-15.4]
Created: Tue Nov 13 08:44:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wq4u3/slipping/
I’m slipping. I’m losing control. I am failing at everything in my life. I can’t focus because I can’t sleep and I can’t sleep because I’m slipping. I just want to escape from here. I want to leave. I hate myself and my life and what I’ve done with it.

I’m trying so so hard and I’m not good enough. I binged and gained 5 lbs in 3 days. I’m behind in work, behind in school. I’m such a bitch to everyone I know and love

I need to work, need to be productive to catch up and study and not fail, but I can’t focus, can’t find the motivation, don’t want to do anything.

I want to escape.

I'm the designated "food critic" at work...
Created: Tue Nov 13 08:34:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wq1l9/im_the_designated_food_critic_at_work/
...and I fucking *hate* it. I work in food service which is hell in itself but now my coworkers are shoving food in my face for me to guzzle down like the pig bitch I am. I'm not even cooking! I'm literally just a server/cashier!

Anyways I'm about to clock in and if I get one more person running up to me like "cAn YOu trY ThIS????" I'm gonna McFucking(tm) lose it.

[Goal] I finally broke my plateau!!
Created: Tue Nov 13 08:29:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wq0b1/i_finally_broke_my_plateau/
I’m in the 140’s now and lost four pounds in two days! I was stuck at 151 for almost a MONTH! THANK YOU ED GODS

[Rant/Rave] Grocery store lunatics
Created: Tue Nov 13 08:15:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wpvx6/grocery_store_lunatics/
Every time I'm in there, I see \*multiple\* people using the big scale in the entryway.


1) ??????

2) It's three p.m.! You've probably eaten repeatedly by !

3) You're fully dressed!

4) !!!!!!

5) You are WEARING! SHOES!


Do people not give one \*whit\* for accuracy?



Best ice cream
Created: Tue Nov 13 07:50:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wpoct/best_ice_cream/
Archer farms reduced fat mint cookies and cream. Only 330 cals in the whole pint! And tastes just like normal ice cream :)

[Discussion] A short vent... TW - talk of calorie counting
Created: Tue Nov 13 07:47:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wpnh3/a_short_vent_tw_talk_of_calorie_counting/
It's been on my mind lately but have had no one to really share this without judgment. Has anyone else ever had points where you feel overwhelmed with choosing which kind of calories matter and which ones don't?

Normally I don't count the calories in vegetables since they are healthy. But at the same time my mind starts racing with anxiety and feel paranoid that those ones I don't count will add up, and feel like trash when I do gain (even if it's water weight... Yea..)

Any tips on how to feel less... Anxiety? I'm trying to do this without having to depend on anti depressants again..

[Discussion] AskMen on body preferences for women
/u/gigi-has-issues [5'9"| CW 155| GW 115| F]
Created: Tue Nov 13 07:38:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wpkxb/askmen_on_body_preferences_for_women/
I went through about every askmen question about body type preferences for women (20 or so total posts) & it was depressing af. 99% of the answers were “thin but I’m okay with chubby”. Ok, reasonable.

Then there were pictures of what is considered “thin” “chubby” etc from my body gallery. The thin ideal was literally a BMI of 16.5!! And chubby was a BMI around 23. Meaning: that’s as far up as they want to go. Others were saying Emily Ratajkowski was a “healthy” look they liked. Look, she is my body goals but it’s just so extreme to think that isn’t borderline underweight. She is allegedly 5’9” and 125lbs but she also has huge boobs. In person I bet she looks so small.

I’m not going to begrudge someone’s preferences. To be fair, they are what I want to look like and we all have things we *prefer*. It was just a bit disheartening that what is seen as a reasonable expectation is actually underweight and that a healthy BMI is “as far as I want to go”. Also, Economist Dan Ariely did a study and found that the ideal BMI for women in the eyes of men is around 19.

Enjoying my new Letsfit watch, best thing ever!
Created: Tue Nov 13 07:34:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wpjw1/enjoying_my_new_letsfit_watch_best_thing_ever/

[Discussion] Time rules
/u/BluntCakes_ [5’7 | CW117.9 | 18.47 | GW112 | 18F]
Created: Tue Nov 13 07:30:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wpivg/time_rules/
I haven’t ever really set for myself ‘time rules’ like don’t eat after a certain hour: but I’d really like to! What time frame works for you guys/what do you do?

I’m thinking 8:30 but 8 would definitely make it harder to get in.

I want to get so thin that my ex can see the pain he has caused me physically and mentally
/u/shhhnevertellasoul [5'4 | CW 126 | GW 99| Female]
Created: Tue Nov 13 07:16:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wpesb/i_want_to_get_so_thin_that_my_ex_can_see_the_pain/
I know this is crazy... I want my ex fwb, who I fell for to see how thin I get. I want him to realize it's his fucking fault and for him to worry.

Backstory: I thought we were incredibly close friends, who ended up fucking for a bit. Then I stupidly developed feelings for him. Then I find out he only became my friend in the first place because he wanted to fuck me. I was just his fuck toy and easily tossed away when he found someone good enough to make his girlfriend.

While I have always had a bit of disordered eating, mainly emotional eating, I had never starved myself until he dumped me. I just didn't feel like eating and then I realized it's not that big of a deal to starve and lost 20lbs in a month. Since then I've gained back 10lbs of it. I have been battling a binge/restrict cycle for the last 9 months.

I have not seen this man in 10 months. 10 months ago he left the company we both work for, to live in another country. Welp, here is the real fucking kicker, he is coming back to our company to work again in 6 weeks......

I love my job I'm not quitting, but I am going to have to work closely with this man. I will see him and have to talk to him multiple times a day. I still have feelings for him and hate him so much at the same time. My goal is to get down to 110lbs by the time he gets here. Which is even smaller than what I was when I last saw him. Then once he is there I want to starve myself down to 99lbs. I want him to fucking realize that him coming back is fucking painful for me. I want to realize that his actions affect other people. I want him to fucking care about how I feel and for him to worry about me. I want him to give a shit about me for once. I want him to make an effort to fix the friendship we had.

This is so fucked up and I realize how stupid, unhealthy, and crazy it is. I know rationally that he is not worth my health, but starving myself is the only way I feel in control of the situation or my emotions. Without that control, I think I would end up having a breakdown right in front of him.

I needed to tell someone and vent. I have told no one about my ED. There is not a single person who knows, but I would not be surprised if a few friends suspect.

Have any of you ever starved yourself to make others give a fuck about you and to make them worry about you? Or am I that crazy....

Created: Tue Nov 13 07:16:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wperu/gained/
Ive put on 20 pounds in a month. Im freaking out.

I knew that I had put on some weight but seeing that has got me totally freaked. I have to eat (for meds and junk) but Im terrified of it at the same time.

[Goal] I am going to starve myself until I die.
Created: Tue Nov 13 07:15:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wpel1/i_am_going_to_starve_myself_until_i_die/
I'm too exhausted and destroyed to go into why I am so fucking depressed, but if you really wanna know, you can check my post history and see pretty much everything (TW: self harm, suicide, abuse).

But I just left my dream college to pursue a new degree that I really want at a much easier school and... I didnt get into the program. The advisor said that I realistically never will, so there's not really a point in trying again. I'm 23 now and after 4 years of extremely challenging schooling, it's all for nothing.

Its the cherry on top of a horrific year. I am done. I have decided how I want to die and this is it. I'm thinking if I just stop eating I'll be dead in about 4 months.

Here we go.

[Rant/Rave] Plateau since September getting me down
/u/LittleLightFawn [5'5" | CW: 138 | GW: 120 | SW: 149 | F]
Created: Tue Nov 13 07:14:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wpe4u/plateau_since_september_getting_me_down/
Ugh, I just don't know what to do anymore. Since I bought a scale back in July my weight had been going down (from 149lb) steadily every week, but I reached 137.5 at the end of September and haven't been able to go any lower since. I'm eating below 600 calories 4 days a week and about 1200 - 1500 (about maintenance) on the other 3 days when I see my boyfriend and can't really restrict too much as he'll notice. Really praying for a whoosh right now because DAMN it feels shit to have 0 energy most of the time but not see any results.


Anyway, this sub is so supportive and wonderful though, it helps me knowing that other people are struggling like I am, and other others can break the plateau. Thanks guys!

[Rant/Rave] I binge everytime someone tells me it's ok to eat
/u/sioclip [5'1 |100 | 18.9 |F]
Created: Tue Nov 13 07:10:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wpd0x/i_binge_everytime_someone_tells_me_its_ok_to_eat/
I've been binging for the past three days and it really sucks lol (quick question, when does weight gain show??) and I've gained around 2 pounds can someone please kill me

I just don't get it. Everytime someone tells me that I deserve to eat (some people irl are aware about my ed and they are the best💕) or something like that it would always trigger a binge!!!AAAAaaaa

Has anyone done the snake diet?
Created: Tue Nov 13 07:04:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wpbfh/has_anyone_done_the_snake_diet/
I’m curious to see what your results were or if you’ve heard of it? I’m going to start today with a 24 hour fast, eat a small meal, then do a 48 hour fast. I’m going to keep extending my fasts as long as I can.

[Other] scale is broken?
Created: Tue Nov 13 07:03:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wpb19/scale_is_broken/
so last time i checked i was around 47kg and now after this week of fasting for 24h every other day it says im supposed to be 42? like i knew i would lose some weight but never thought it would be 5kg

like i dont know if its right or my scale broke so ill probably go to the drugstore and use the one there but on the other hand i dont know if i should be happy (but i am) since i cant tell its true

[Discussion] When was the first time you realized losing weight wasn’t going to solve your problems?
Created: Tue Nov 13 06:50:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wp7hi/when_was_the_first_time_you_realized_losing/
For me it was this morning, while my guy watched me get dressed for work in silence because we aren’t talking to each other right now. I bravely grabbed a pair of slacks I could never button last year thinking, “if they don’t fit I’m already sad, if they do fit maybe I’ll cheer up”. They fit, they’re even loose. It didn’t matter to me.

[Other] Thank You
Created: Tue Nov 13 06:45:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wp6ae/thank_you/
Thank you all.

You may have seen shit I've posted because I'm clearly in the middle of something.

You have all been incredible with your words of support even though it wasn't specifically ED related.

You guys are all incredible and I feel so privileged to have found this community. If any of you ever need anything, you have an internet stranger here.

Every single one of you is a person with immense value to the world, even if you don't always know it. We are all so much more than our EDs even if we feel that it's what defines us. We have hopes and dreams and feelings and friendships and lives.

You, reading this now, are a valuable and important person.

[Rant/Rave] Got a new scale and it says I weigh 1.2 pounds more
/u/cervidaes [5’4 | CW: n o | GW: 125 | UGW: 105]
Created: Tue Nov 13 06:44:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wp5v6/got_a_new_scale_and_it_says_i_weigh_12_pounds_more/
As the title says I got a new scale recently. I was using a weight watchers scale before which has been used for a long time so I got a new one because I was worried that one was old. I really wish I hadn’t because the new scale says I weigh 1.2 pounds more, consistently. I’m not sure which one to believe. I guess I should believe the new one and just throw the old one out but starting 1.2 pounds higher over again seems so awful to me. Also the thought that my HW was 1.2 pounds more is giving me a panic attack....even though that doesn’t seem like a lot it is really messing with me.

I’m really tempted to throw out my nice new scale and continue to use my old one that says I’m a pound lighter but I feel like that’s a bad idea, I also don’t want to look fatter to other people than I think I am if that makes sense? And now I think I’ll be adding it on in my head anyway

I didn’t think this would fuck me up as bad as it is. I don’t really know what to do about it

is there really no way to just lose thigh fat?
/u/manfromanother-place [5’1.75 | CW:100 | GW: 95 | 18.4]
Created: Tue Nov 13 06:40:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wp4xb/is_there_really_no_way_to_just_lose_thigh_fat/
i'm (kinda) okay it's my upper body but my thighs are so huge it makes me want to take a knife to them and slice the fat off... :( are there any exercises that target thigh fat specifically?

[Help] Acid reflux anyone?
/u/Catii24 [5'4" | CW: 121.7 | GW: 108 | Female]
Created: Tue Nov 13 06:38:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wp4dv/acid_reflux_anyone/
The past week or so I think I’ve been suffering with acid reflux, most likely bulimia related. Wondering if anyone else has experienced this and knows anything that can help alleviate the pain? It feels like a burning sensation sort of at the base of my chest and it hurts like crazy, also get really breathless & nauseous.

Anyone got any tips (other than “stop purging”, cause I’m already trying)? I was literally up all last night just lying in bed in pain 😞

uh oh
Created: Tue Nov 13 06:37:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wp3x1/uh_oh/
Okay not meant to scare anybody but I just had 2 rice cakes and I’m currently in the bathroom ready to throw up and pass out (probably at the same time) and I haven’t a clue what’s happening. I haven’t been restricting that hard (even had 800 calories yesterday) and I’m not having a panic attack or feeling guilty about eating. Is this just a coincidence or are rice cakes vengeful? This has never happened before.

[Rant/Rave] rant that is only mildly ed related;thanksgiving stress already
/u/ifuckpineapples [5'3" | cw:105.4 | bmi: 18.67 | F | 24]
Created: Tue Nov 13 06:26:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wp198/rant_that_is_only_mildly_ed_relatedthanksgiving/
so ever since my bf and i moved into our house together, we host thanksgiving for his immediate family. last year was the first time, and it was stressful, i tried to take on a bit too much, but ultimately i think it went well. this year, i have been planning and testing recipes, was going to use my slow cooker and instant pot to spread out some recipes into easier ways to cook. i was super excited. plus, the mashed potatoes, turkey, and stuffing recipe i was making was from skinny taste, so it wouldnt be stupidly calorie dense!!

now im anxious and feel shitty because my bf let me know that his mom wants to bring the turkey this year. wtf?? i asked him "she wants to *bring* a whole turkey roast? i mean, that sounds like a lot of work for her, but if she wants to..." and he insisted that she really wanted to bring it and to let her take care of that while i did the other dishes.

what, the fuck! first of all, now i dont know whats going in that turkey. is she gonna fill the under skin with butter? i dont know! so now im slightly afraid to eat it. and second of all, i said it was fine but it only took about a minute for me to start feeling insulted. i must have done a pretty bad job last year if shes insisting on bringing the **MAIN** dish to a dinner that **IM** hosting. i remember the turkey being a bit dry, but ok, and that was my first time ever roasting a turkey so i was just impressed that it was cooked and edible and didnt catch on fire or something. but i guess i did such a shit job on that stupid bird that im not allowed to make the thanksgiving turkey at my own thanksgiving now.

i love to cook, i really do. but i hate confrontation. so of course im not gonna bring it up again. and im just gonna make a ton of sides as best as i can. and im gonna cry for awhile this morning because this is bothering me so much cause im a huge baby. and im not even in full control of the dinner and food at i will eat at my own house. fuck me.

Seriously, it's been twelve years, how was I not aware of this? Is this legit?
Created: Tue Nov 13 06:26:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wp15c/seriously_its_been_twelve_years_how_was_i_not/

[Discussion] Am I the only one who eats breakfast?
Created: Tue Nov 13 06:10:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wox41/am_i_the_only_one_who_eats_breakfast/
I feel like everyone else with an ED awaits until lunch or dinner to eat, but on the days I work (which is every weekday) I have to eat breakfast. It makes me feel so guilty sometimes but if I don’t do it I will not be able to think about anything but food until I do eat. (I also walk over a mile to work at 6am so maybe that’s part of it lol) A lot of the time I can skip lunch or dinner or keep them really low cal, but without breakfast in the morning I’m a sleepy hangry bitch. On the weekends when I don’t work I eat all my food in the evenings tho.
Do any of you who eat breakfast have ideas for low cal options that will keep me full until dinner?

Do I need to stop fasting?
/u/plshelpsomeone [5’4 | 127| 21.8 | 4lbs | Female]
Created: Tue Nov 13 05:38:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wop73/do_i_need_to_stop_fasting/
I haven’t had much experience with fasting, usually only intermittently, but I’ve been trying to do a 48 hour one. Right now, I’m about 24 hours in and when I woke up this morning I was really dizzy and my heart was beating pretty fast. I’m going to be at school today and decided against going on a run so am I fine to finish up the fast?

Meal plan for the lazy?
/u/aceshighsays [5'2" | +7.6 | LW: 107.8 | GW: 109]
Created: Tue Nov 13 05:27:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9womt5/meal_plan_for_the_lazy/
Can you recommend a place that has daily meal plans for under 1100 calories per day, with very easy/non fancy meals?

[Rant/Rave] Someone stole my laxatives
Created: Tue Nov 13 05:21:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wolfy/someone_stole_my_laxatives/
I put my purse in a locker at work and I have a pill case that I put tums, Advil and laxatives in just in case. Someone opened it and took all the laxatives lmao. I hope they took them all at once. Asshole.

[Sticky] Thinspo Tuesday November 13, 2018
Created: Tue Nov 13 05:09:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wois1/thinspo_tuesday_november_13_2018/
Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to post pictures of anything that inspires or you find to be something "motivating".

**Please note that we are not using this post to glorify or glamorize eating disorders. Anything that is not clearly from a professional photo shoot or is "bonespo" (extremely thin to the point of being skeletal) will be removed.** Selfies, bodychecks, or OOTD posts will also be removed as they belong in the Friday sticky thread.


Thinspo threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Looking for self-care and beauty tips? Comment below, or [PM the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED) and feel free to take your self-care/beauty needs to the "Stupid Questions Saturday" weekly thread!

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! November 13, 2018
Created: Tue Nov 13 05:09:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9woilz/daily_food_diary_november_13_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for November 13, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Discussion] What do you consider slow progress?
Created: Tue Nov 13 05:04:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wohl6/what_do_you_consider_slow_progress/
So I started out at 215 lbs at 5”4 about 4 weeks ago.

I’m now down to 188 lbs and managed to basically lose a lb a day / every other day from exercising every day and sticking to about 500-800 calories a day.

But since last week that’s REALLY slowed down. I only lost 2 lbs total last week and I’ve been stuck at 188 lbs for the last few days.

Because I was used to that progress, losing .2 of a lb every day seems ridiculously slow.

I wanted to be down to 173 by two weeks time but I don’t think it’s doable at this rate anymore.

So is this still slow progress? What do you consider slow? How can I speed it up just a little bit?

[Discussion] Are there any subs for bonespo?
Created: Tue Nov 13 05:01:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wogtp/are_there_any_subs_for_bonespo/
If not, do you guys want one?

[Rant/Rave] And I was having a good day, too.
Created: Tue Nov 13 04:45:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wodfg/and_i_was_having_a_good_day_too/
So I got the job I've been really wanting today, and when I weighed myself this morning I was down to 103.4 pounds, so needless to say I was feeling quite good today.

But of course, something has to fuck that up, right?

I was just in the car with one of my housemates and telling him that my ex hit me up on the 'gram in response to a gym selfie I posted the other day, and he asked to see the selfie, to "see if I look too skinny in it" (yes, that's a verbatim quote). I didn't want to show him because homeboy gets real weird about my weight and knows some of my ED history, and has threatened to basically "tell on me" if he sees any disordered behaviours from me (as in, tell my therapist I need to go IP or something), but he was insistent so I showed him.

His response? "Oh, well. That's okay. You don't look that thin there. You're not like, contorting your body to look skinnier or anything. In fact, you look almost healthy!"

Thanks dude, I was looking for some extra encouragement to stop my efforts at getting to an 18.5 BMI and maintaining there. I'll gladly keep going below that if I don't look 'that thin' at 18.8.

(I'm aware he doesn't get what it's like for me to hear that shit, but still. Fucked me up. Thanks for listening, guys)

What weird concoctions do you make when there’s no food in the house?
/u/Firebug__ [5”6 | 100lbs | BMI 16 | 18F | b/p & c/s | 🍑 firebugg]
Created: Tue Nov 13 04:29:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9woa4p/what_weird_concoctions_do_you_make_when_theres_no/
Current situation. Ate through everything remotely appealing to where there is now veggies, white rice, condiments and milk.

Contemplating putting peanut butter on rice

[Help] Restricting without purpose
Created: Tue Nov 13 03:47:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wo1p2/restricting_without_purpose/
For like, the last 2 weeks, I haven't really been feeling any anxiety regarding what I eat (partly due to being more depressed than eating disordered rn lol). However I still restrict? Like I don't feel any sort of need to lose weight or control what I eat yet I do it anyway??? Is anyone else at all familiar with this or am I just being weird?? Sorry for making 0 sense

[Help] Question for those who practice 2-5 IF
Created: Tue Nov 13 03:45:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wo1cc/question_for_those_who_practice_25_if/
I've been trouble going back to restricting again because my classmates usually eat lunch after class. I have classes with them MWF and Sat. It's been really hard to restrict under 300. I'm trying a new plan where I still try OMAD for MWF and S then fast during Tues Thurs and Sunday. It sounds like a good plan but it's tuesday now and I'm fasting...it just doesn't feel the same? It feels like my weight won't go down this way. Of course, I'll exercise too!

[Tip] Tips on breaking a binge cycle
Created: Tue Nov 13 02:51:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wnqj6/tips_on_breaking_a_binge_cycle/
I recently moved to a new country for my husband’s work and I’ve been using food as a cooping mechanism and eating a shit ton. In two months I put on 8 lbs and I can’t seem to stop the compulsive eating. Fellow binge eaters, how have you pulled yourself out of the cycle in the past?

I hate myself so much
Created: Tue Nov 13 02:42:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wnong/i_hate_myself_so_much/
I wanna starve until I turn stick thin

[Help] I met a guy today and we're gonna hook up, but I'm so big rn. How do I stop retaining water fast?
Created: Tue Nov 13 02:12:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wniw1/i_met_a_guy_today_and_were_gonna_hook_up_but_im/
I broke up with my boyfriend recently and met a guy today. He's really hot but he weighs less than me. I've also been binging for the past week and I have around 10-13 pounds of water weight on me. What do I do guys?

[Rant/Rave] Being forced to binge is the worst
Created: Tue Nov 13 02:06:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wnhpb/being_forced_to_binge_is_the_worst/
My parents forced me to eat like 2500+ calories (they are obese, so that's normal for them). I had just gotten out of a binge cycle so being forced to binge felt horrible. Specially since they made me eat so much it literally H U R T. I purged a bit but not much came out. Then I told my parents that I didn't want dinner and they looked angrily at me so I had to eat even more. I felt sick from the purging and the enourmous amount of food.

They forced me to binge again today but I held back the need to puke. I had eaten dinner with my bf and was already very full. But they bought my favorite food and threatened to throw it away if I didn't eat it tonight. That made me feel guilty bc it's expensive so I ate it. My stomach hurts so much... I just feel horrible all over but I'm trying not to think about it.

I want to cry. I'm angry but I can't do shit about it. I have no control over anything, not even what I eat. I think I'm going to try and stay at school rlly late so I can restrict heavily for a few days. Maybe that'll give me some control. Sorry for the long rant tho.

[Rant/Rave] 1 meal a day
/u/bunntatt [157cm | 75kg | 30 BMI | 9kg | F]
Created: Tue Nov 13 01:21:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wn8zl/1_meal_a_day/
Have been having only 1 meal a day and my weight is finally going down after binging the past two weeks!! Planning on actually exercising a TON, hopefully I. Can reach my goal weight before New Years <3

If you were invited to a someone's house for dinner, what food would you hope was served?
/u/feiturdrengur [174 cm | 77 kg | BMI 25.43 | 28M]
Created: Tue Nov 13 01:10:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wn6zv/if_you_were_invited_to_a_someones_house_for/
Asking because I love cooking, especially for people with special dietary restrictions (vegan, vegetarian, gluten free, allergen free, keto/paleo, low cal, etc.)

One time my then girlfriend wanted me to cook for her five friends and told me one of them had an eating disorder. I kind of wish she hadn't told me because I feel it was a breach of confidentiality between them but having been told about it I was extremely nervous about freaking her out with calorie dense food. Though I obviously shouldn't make assumptions about her diet choices, being disordered myself I kind of wanted to make it pretty reasonably healthy so nobody would feel the urge to purge that night.

So I made a pretty tasty vegetable and chicken soup and for dessert I made an exotic fruit salad with optional whipped cream on the side. Apparently everybody loved it, and that one friend complemented the food *a lot*, so I hope she felt alright that night.

So if you were invited to someone's house, what would you secretly wish was served?

[Other] I can't deal with getting fat.
Created: Tue Nov 13 00:36:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wn07v/i_cant_deal_with_getting_fat/
I just can't. The anxiety and sadness I get is just bad. For example, I had a medium coke today which is got for free. I'm beating myself up about it. Today I only at a whole chicken (only less than 200 cal) and a zucchini and potato dish on a 1,200 cal restriction. I'm really craving another soda because it's hot. And I don't drink soda much. Only once in a while (maybe once a month or two months) but I'm craving another one bad and I don't know what to do. I'm 53kgs. I have a fat torso though. Today I have probably eating 1,000 calories.

I just can't deal anymore. I don't know what to do. I also work in fast food and they give me free drinks and sometimes free food and it's hard to refuse. I always say "one cheeseburger wont make me gain weight" and I have a hard time knowing if that's true or not. I want to look like a victoria secret model, not the fat blob I am. I'm stuck.

[Rant/Rave] I’m losing myself more and more
Created: Tue Nov 13 00:34:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wmzq5/im_losing_myself_more_and_more/
TMI but posting it will make me feel better. Cried during sex and had to stop because I could feel the folds of my skin touching and felt disgusting. Been with my S/O for sooo long and that’s never happened but lately I’ve felt so.. gross. Idk anyone else way too conscious of their body placement? On a good note haven’t purged in 12 days but have been restricting like crazy because of it

How many calories does mental distress burn?
Created: Mon Nov 12 23:40:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wmoeb/how_many_calories_does_mental_distress_burn/
I am going to a friend's house for dinner/drinks who I don't get to see super often. I'm stressed as shit because his partner is quite a big lady who cooks everything laden in butter/cream/gravy/other caloric unnecessary decadence. I don't even know what we're having, how many calories are in it, and how to not eat it without a)offending them, b)raising questions I don't want to deal with. I don't want to make them feel bad like "oh I'm already smaller than you and no I don't want to eat any of this dinner you slaved over". There's only 4 of us and they eat a lot so I don't know how to have a tiny plate without seeming like I hate it. They asked us to bring dessert as well what the fuck do I do there?UGH I just want to have dinner with friends without having a week long existential crisis about it. Fuck. Game is hard. Thanks for listening.

Some metric just can’t be right
/u/TotallyNotARadar [6'1" | CW:110 | GW:105 | BMI: 13.86 | F]
Created: Mon Nov 12 23:13:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wmijx/some_metric_just_cant_be_right/
Okay so I do this weird thing every month or so where I go through the DSM5 AN definition and just check in with which parts I seem to have and which I don’t. Why, who knows, but whatever—not the point. Anyways, so extreme AN is considered a BMI <=15.

I just realized today that I’ve been between a (standard) BMI of 14.2-15 for a while now and I... feel fine. I don’t feel like I’m extreme, I don’t feel like I’m really that 14.5 or whatever. I feel totally god damn normal. I don’t see any of the negative health effects. I’m not at risk of passing out if I run up the stairs. I don’t see spots. I can’t see as many bones as you all seem to at higher BMIs than I do either. So what gives?

I’ve weighed myself on multiple scales so I know that’s not wrong. I know I’m over six feet because I’ve used a measured on the wall. That leaves just one thing right? That BMI doesn’t work for my body type? Do I have like way more leg and less torso than the average person or something?

how do you guys exercise in winter? and does anyone have clever/fun ideas?
/u/bunnywithbpd [5"2 || 104]
Created: Mon Nov 12 23:06:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wmh00/how_do_you_guys_exercise_in_winter_and_does/
usually in the summer I like jogging outside...I'm stuck at home with no gym membership. I jog in place now while studying but that's honestly miserable lol.

[Discussion] I got fetishized for being anorexic. Has anyone else dealt with this?
/u/ImMissBrightside [5'2" | cw: 91 | gw: idk anymore| 23f]
Created: Mon Nov 12 22:41:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wmb43/i_got_fetishized_for_being_anorexic_has_anyone/
It really sucks. I dont actually mind being fetishized for being thin (society basically does that already) but being fetishized for having an eating disorder...it just made me feel dirty. Like even this private, screwed up part of me is looked at in this way. I dont want people to get some thrill when my health gets worse. It makes me feel sad, i dont even know why.

The one thing that actually made me angry was that he said he was glad because he preferred anorexic girls. This isn't some stupid choice! I'm not doing this for you!! Ugh I'm so sickened

(treats body like shit) wow wtf why is my body failing me?
/u/sleepyboyblue [5'5 | CW 110 | GW 80 | M]
Created: Mon Nov 12 22:41:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wmb3r/treats_body_like_shit_wow_wtf_why_is_my_body/
ate decently for a week after a health scare, thought i was safe and went back to b/ping and restricting but after two (2) days my hair started coming out again i want a refund on all those calories smh

The girl that bullied me in high school got fat then got a gastric bypass and she continued eating badly losing little to no weight now she’s a “plus size model”.
/u/mennnaai [5’4/ cw 111 / hw 200 👹/ gw 100🧝🏻‍♀️]
Created: Mon Nov 12 22:38:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wmaim/the_girl_that_bullied_me_in_high_school_got_fat/

My grandma
/u/JuBelen [5'4"/1.64mts | 119lbs/54kg | F]
Created: Mon Nov 12 22:36:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wm9zj/my_grandma/
My grandma got super depressed when her sister died, bad, and developed some sort of eating disorder. I don't know the details because I was a kid when it happened and never asked, but it's been years and now I see that some of that is still there. She keeps talking about how fat she is, lamenting that she doesn't look like she did after my aunt died (when she was Bad), and generally eats very little compared to what she used to before.

I go visit her very often (two or three times a week) and she always mentions how good I'm looking. I lost 30kg in the last year due to stress; lost my job, dropped out of school, split out with my gf, a great year basically lmao and it was completely unintentional. But now that everyone keeps complimenting me for how I look I feel like I can never go back to my past weight.

Everytime I see her she has some comment to make about a celebrity, a relative, a neighbour who "is a bit chubby" and compares me to them, "You look good now". I always bake things for her (cookies, cake, etc. I like cooking) to have with our tea when I go visit and make sure she eats something of what I bring but then I go vomit whatever little I had myself, or I only have one meal a day.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this, I just want to put it into words. I feel fake because I worry about her when she's in good health actually even if she's unhappy with her body (which is great for a 70yo) but then I don't worry about myself and my own health, only about my looks (I don't every care about my weight, I just want to fit into smaller clothes, see my bones, lose my period permanently).

I apologize if this is messy or difficult to understand, English isn't my first language and I am very tired (it's 02:30 am right now). Thank you for reading.

[Rant/Rave] Purging chocolate is awful
Created: Mon Nov 12 22:29:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wm877/purging_chocolate_is_awful/
I just broke a fast with 450 calories of chocolate, panicked (EVEN THOUGH THATS ALL I"VE HAD AND UNDER MY DAILY ALLOWANCE) and purged. It was so slimy and kept on getting caught in my throat. 0/10 would not purge again.

I just binged on 80 bucks worth of food
Created: Mon Nov 12 22:18:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wm5ho/i_just_binged_on_80_bucks_worth_of_food/
Hitting an all-time low.
I mean, I've binged on worse, but price-wise, this is really bad.

I just bought a new toothbrush and used it to puke. What a shame.

Ironically, this brand of toothbrush is the same as the one I accidentally swallowed while purging five years ago.

Anyway, I'm so done with this. I wish I could restrict without obsessing about food. I just want to be skinny and pure.

First Attempt at Purging
Created: Mon Nov 12 22:11:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wm3xc/first_attempt_at_purging/
I just tried to purge, but I waited too long after eating, so I threw up barely a sixteenth of what I ate for supper. Any help on how to get rid of more? It hurts to have nothing come up.

Those of you who drink, how do you minimize calorie intake at the bar? What are your typical drink orders and habits?
Created: Mon Nov 12 22:08:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wm35u/those_of_you_who_drink_how_do_you_minimize/

recovery without parents knowing?
/u/pineapple513 [5'3"| 110 | 19.5 ]
Created: Mon Nov 12 22:07:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wm2yt/recovery_without_parents_knowing/
okay so I've been b/ping for almost 2 years now (I'm 16) and I'm just so so exhausted. it has gotten way worse than I told myself I could ever let it get. my binges are bigger than they've ever been and I'm purging sometimes 3 times a day and I'm just so terrified. It feels like forever since I've had a good day of just restricting or even eating at my TDEE and I need to fix myself to feel *some* control. The only problem is that not a single person knows and I don't feel close enough to anyone to tell them. so basically do any of you have tips or advice on how to self-recover without support from friends/family? or is it possible to tell a school counselor without them having to report to parents? I'm a high schooler in CA and I'm not sure if eds fall under mandated reporting. I would really appreciate guidance because I'm so tired and I just don't know what to do.

[Other] Is anyone on here in Toronto?
Created: Mon Nov 12 22:02:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wm1g2/is_anyone_on_here_in_toronto/
One of my fantasies have always been making an irl friend that also has an ED, so we could both laugh together at the sick things we do, obviously not pro Ana or anything but just making light of a situation?

If you are in Toronto pls contact me lol

[Goal] I’m going to attempt the impossible
Created: Mon Nov 12 21:57:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wm065/im_going_to_attempt_the_impossible/
I’m going to cut out chips cold turkey. I cut soda out of my diet around 5-6 years ago the same way, and I lost a lot of weight. That was easy for me because I wasn’t ever really a fan of sweet stuff. Which is really odd because I was addicted to it for some reason. I’d guzzle down a good 7 cans of soda a DAY. Disgusting, I know. But now I can’t even stand the thought of drinking one!

But ANYWAYYYS. Chips are my kryptonite. I could binge on them for hours. I love all kinds of chips. Hot Cheetos, spicy chili Doritos, cheddar cheese and sour cream Ripples. Ughh. I’m really gonna miss them. I really hope I’ll be able to do this.

I have dance competitions coming up this winter and I think cutting out chips is really going to help make myself look better

Wish me luck y’all!!

[Other] I had to get a root canal today
Created: Mon Nov 12 21:51:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wlyw6/i_had_to_get_a_root_canal_today/
My tooth was completely rotted and split in two, most likely due to purging several times a week for what has now been, like, a third of my life. Sucks. But the upside is that now that I’m literally in too much pain to chew food I have a great excuse for a liquid fast. Is it fucked up that the extremely painful consequences of one of my ED tendencies is literally fuel for another?

I just purged for the first time
/u/alcoholhas2manykcal [5'4" | HW: 245 lb | CW: 174lb | GW: 120 lb | 24F]
Created: Mon Nov 12 21:50:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wlykr/i_just_purged_for_the_first_time/
I could feel myself forcing myself to eat more so that I could justify purging. I had to get 4 apples and a larabar up before the full package of mac and cheese and brownie and cookies.

Toilet puke kept splashing my face, and the whole time I was thinking about how disappointed my fiance would be, but I just kept going until I couldn't get anything else up.

Under my eyes felt really puffy, I wasn't expecting that. There were tears on my glasses and puke on my shirt, and when I turned around and looked in the mirror afterwards I didn't even recognize myself.

I looked so miserable and defeated.

I don't even feel light and free like when I fast or restrict heavily, I just feel like I did something wrong, and still like a fat blob.

I want to thank you guys though, I think I would have started doing this a lot sooner without all of your warnings not to start the cycle, and the descriptions of how bad it is. I probably should have listened. I hope I can remember this the next time I feel the need to binge or purge, and how emotionally empty this whole ordeal has made me feel.

[Discussion] DAE get scared to break fasts?
Created: Mon Nov 12 21:43:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wlwxv/dae_get_scared_to_break_fasts/
It's like I know I'll have to eat eventually and I even want to eat! but I know as soon as I do the scale is going to go up and even if it's just water or food weight, it's fucking t e r r i f y i n g!!!!!! ughhhh I wish I could just fast forever and feel happy and satisfied.

[Rant/Rave] Frustrated
Created: Mon Nov 12 21:38:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wlvos/frustrated/
I've been fasting and I really wanted to break it with a piece of grilled steak. Steak is yummy and has lots of protein, I was so excited! It was supposed to be the only thing I ate today. I opened my fridge to find that my brother ate it and I'm panicking because tomorrow is grocery day so we're all out of low carb options that I actually enjoy, so I guess I'm just going to keep fasting. This is so fucking frustrating, he literally knew that steak was mine and I even made him a piece so that he wouldn't be tempted to eat mine and he ate both.

[Help] what to expect in OP?
Created: Mon Nov 12 21:20:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wlr1h/what_to_expect_in_op/
post 2 of what is sure to be one of many posts about my therapy adventures!

tomorrow I get my intake for my eating disorder therapy, meet the doctors and all that, and im more than a little terrified. i have absolutely no clue what to expect. are they going to weigh me? what kind of meal plan can I expect if they give me one? are they going to think I'm fat cuz im not all bones? what will get me thrown into IP? ugh. i can't sleep. ive been dwelling on this all week. any answers would be appreciated. (further context, I'm a minor and have had no prior treatment or official diagnosis of an eating disorder.)

Mental Fitness
Created: Mon Nov 12 21:13:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wlpgl/mental_fitness/
I recovered, got a career, ballooned to my highest weight ever but have lost some of it, and I want to get back into some of my ED patterns.

I want to be able to not eat and exercise without wasting so much of my time. I'm really hungry now and all my mental energy is spent on a tug-of-war of "im hungry, fuck, need food" and "don't fucking do it! look at models."

Also I hate the fatigue that comes with not eating. I want an ED, but without wanting to sleep 15 hours a day.

What do you do to offset these effects? Basically avoid wasting your entire psyche on wanting to eat less/starve/be beautiful.

[Discussion] a small bedtime rant
/u/pistachiocreams [63"| 105.5 | -18 | F :pupper:]
Created: Mon Nov 12 21:11:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wloyr/a_small_bedtime_rant/
i don’t fit in any skirts anymore. at all. dresses i order online are too big on me. shopping is becoming a nightmare. and- (here’s the kicker) i’m still in the HEALTHY weight range. i still want to lose 10 LB.
where am i supposed to find cute clothes??? the vanity sizing is out of control at urban outfitters, free people, topshop, madewell etc. aka all of my favorite stores :( what is a girl to do??

[Discussion] FitBit or Apple Watch?
/u/ihate-chicken [5’7” | CW:109.5 | 17.09]
Created: Mon Nov 12 21:08:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wlo46/fitbit_or_apple_watch/
Do you guys use either? For heart rate monitoring? Steps? Calories?

What do you use it for and why do you like it?

After 4.5 years of recovery, I'm slipping back into relapse.
Created: Mon Nov 12 20:52:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wljw5/after_45_years_of_recovery_im_slipping_back_into/
It's been 15 years since this shit started.

I've been mostly fine since April 2014. Every fall/winter my many mental illnesses gets worse and I'm used to that by now but this time this year I'm slipping down and falling hard and fast down that slope and with it all comes the old familiar thoughts that make my food taste like cardboard and I need to be empty.

I weighed myself today for the first time in a long time. I could tell I'd lost weight but still. I looked too thin already. I had been on a weight gain plan all summer trying to gain curves. I wanted to be bigger. I still do.

None of this makes any sense.

[Rant/Rave] I ate a fucking moldy bagel
/u/staticphat [Height: 5'3 | CW: Jabba the Hutt | GW: Bikini Leia]
Created: Mon Nov 12 20:45:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wli3x/i_ate_a_fucking_moldy_bagel/
I was so hungry I was halfway through before I realized. When I realized, all I did was cut the mold off FML.

[Help] Embarrassing secret
Created: Mon Nov 12 20:45:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wlhxu/embarrassing_secret/
I’m not sure if I started masturbating to skinny girls/thinspo bc I was attracted to them or bc I wanted to be them, but either way , if I feel a binge coming on I do it bc it sort of cements the idea of SKINNY IS BEATY in my head when I’m In that venerable state . I feel embarrassed but I can’t get off to girls that aren’t skinny. Help? Anyone else do this?

[Discussion] Juul
Created: Mon Nov 12 20:30:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wle2u/juul/
So I was visiting my boyfriend and I got to try a Juul for the first time. It is so amazing for appetite suppression, I had to force myself to eat because I was otherwise not feeling hungry, anyways. Does anyone else use a juul or similar product?

Looking for a buddy with similar stats to talk over Snapchat
Created: Mon Nov 12 20:20:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wlbcn/looking_for_a_buddy_with_similar_stats_to_talk/

[Tip] Keeping "Full"
/u/Avacasia [5'5" | CW 177.4lbs | GW 98lbs | 22F]
Created: Mon Nov 12 20:17:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wlaf3/keeping_full/
When I had lost my weight in the past one of the things I did when I was wanting to eat was to drink diet coke until i was full and didn't feel like eating anymore, being back on day one, i went out and bought a pack and i'm waiting for them to get cold. Another one of those things was to load up on caffeine pills and zero cal energy drinks. What are some things you do to keep "full"

when you wanna comment "well actually... sometimes I purge"
Created: Mon Nov 12 20:08:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wl84c/when_you_wanna_comment_well_actually_sometimes_i/

When the coast is clear and I can finally binge
Created: Mon Nov 12 20:05:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wl787/when_the_coast_is_clear_and_i_can_finally_binge/

[Rant/Rave] Started the day off right, ended with a binge.
/u/HotTeaComfySocks [5'1| CW: 126.6 | SW: 136.6 | GW: 110-105 | F]
Created: Mon Nov 12 19:58:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wl5gw/started_the_day_off_right_ended_with_a_binge/
I started my day thanking this community for the inspiration, then ended my night with a binge. I purged what I could, but ultimately the scale will go up tomorrow, and it's the result of unnecessary eating to avoid doing actual work. I just want this to be a good week. There's definitely still time to get back on the right foot, it just sucks to end a Monday with a failure.

[Goal] Who else wishs/wants to be one of those “super active” people?
Created: Mon Nov 12 19:55:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wl4kx/who_else_wishswants_to_be_one_of_those_super/
You know the ones:

They seem so calm and are generally semi-liked by most. They aren’t trashy messes, at least to the naked eye.

They spend their free time indoor rock-climbing, doing 5ks, do their daily 6am jog, are always doing fun activities like skiing, snow-boarding, and hiking.

Even if they go out and drink and eat shit, they probably burn so many calories/spend enough time not around food because they are busy with activities, that they have relatively low fat%

The men are typically a liiiittle less shitty than many, for whatever reason. Maybe it’s that state of mind..?

Alas, I am too much of a shut-in.... And my friends are either too broke or make some excuse up so they don’t go.

But that’s one of my goals- to stop wasting time doing nothing, and be around people who wanna better themselves and who are active and hyper and fun.

Fuck being shy and insecure :(

PS how many yall are like this? Howd you start?

I did it. I’m finally underweight.
/u/BluntCakes_ [5’7 | CW117.9 | 18.47 | GW112 | 18F]
Created: Mon Nov 12 19:52:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wl3r9/i_did_it_im_finally_underweight/
I can’t believe this but at the same time I’ve never felt so accomplished. But I’m not happy yet. But also...

Fuck yes!! Just in time for the holidays! I’m more motivated than ever to keep this up.

And icing on the sugar-free cake, I measured my waist at juuuust under 23.5 inches!! Fuck I’m in a good mood tonight. How should I celebrate?

/u/7kgs [17M|60KG|1,80CM]
Created: Mon Nov 12 19:52:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wl3o0/urgent_dark_poop_help/
so i pooped and it was very dark... i googled about it and a lot of sites say it may be bc of an internal bleeding/CANCER??????? im freaking out :( yesterday i did a 21h water fast and then binged..... today ive been feeling dizzy and nauseous!!! i don't know what to do t_______t

[Help] Ate and don’t hate myself, what did I do different today?
Created: Mon Nov 12 19:45:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wl1s3/ate_and_dont_hate_myself_what_did_i_do_different/
Days like this make me question if I even have a disorder. I ate a normal amount of food (slightly under my maintenance but who’s counting? Oh yeah Me still even tho I don’t feel guilty) but anyways, I feel full, satisfied, and not like I ate too much or too little. I don’t feel like binging , or purging or anything. What can I do to feel like this every day? If I ate everyday like I did today I could steadily and healthily lose weight, but instead I binge and fast like crazy. I wish I could feel like I do right now forever .

[Help] Please god someone help me
Created: Mon Nov 12 19:41:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wl0r4/please_god_someone_help_me/
I spent a month in residential and now I’m home again. I’ve been restricting some and no longer purging but the binging still happens occasionally and I did badly tonight and I’m blowing up.

When I was in residential I found out my husband was cheating on me. Our house is up for sale now. We’re still deciding on divorce or to try to make things work.

Please god someone tells me this gets easier. My life is falling apart and I’m getting fat too.

[Discussion] Models with Eating Disorders
/u/cold_melon [5'7'' | cw110.8 | bmi 17.4 | 23F]
Created: Mon Nov 12 19:30:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wkxot/models_with_eating_disorders/
I’m a very curious creature tonight. Do you know of any models with eating disorders currently or in the past? Any you suspect may have one? I’m not quite sure why I care... why do I care?

friend confronted me about how 'unhealthy' i look, then my mom told me i looked 'so thin' literally the next day
/u/duskedfur [5'7" | CW: 98 | 15.3 | UGW: 89 | F]
Created: Mon Nov 12 19:28:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wkx2m/friend_confronted_me_about_how_unhealthy_i_look/
i don't know how to feel right now. i can see that i look pretty thin now and i'm almost happy with my body, but without clothes on, i think my thighs still look a little bit chubby and i could stand to lose a few. what the fuck is wrong with me??? i can't help but think that they only think i look thin because being overweight is so normalized in america, but neither my friend nor my mom are even close to being overweight. this was after a really bad binge weekend as well. when i saw my mom, i was wearing 2 sweaters, a jacket, a pair of baggy jeans, and leggings underneath those. i don't know how the hell she could even tell i'd lost weight. i haven't seen her since august and i've only lost 10 lbs since then so i didn't think it would be as apparent? i'm confused and upset because this is fucking with my head. i'm 30ish hours into my planned 120 hour fast and my mom just texted me 'don't forget to eat' so now i feel horribly guilty, but not enough to break the fast. am i really that sick???

Im always hungry
Created: Mon Nov 12 19:27:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wkwtg/im_always_hungry/
That's about it... I already ate dinner and I'm sure I l ate way too much yet I'm still hungry. These past three days have been a bust for me diet wise.

Do y’all think C/S would break a fast?
Created: Mon Nov 12 19:26:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wkwif/do_yall_think_cs_would_break_a_fast/
I mean, I feel like it’s not physically possible to spit out absolutely everything, but do you think I’d end up swallowing enough to break a fast?
I asked in the fasting page with my throwaway, I’m expecting a bunch of hate, I’m just hoping someone will answer. I’m trying to prevent a B/P.
Obviously neither are good for you, I just think C/S is the lesser of two evils? Maybe. Idek.

[Discussion] Does anyone else carry their weight in their thighs and does it screw with you insanely?
Created: Mon Nov 12 19:22:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wkv84/does_anyone_else_carry_their_weight_in_their/
I really do not know how to drastically reduce the size of my thighs without obviously doing cardio but I am SO bad at cardio. I’m going insane and I cannot deal with my thighs touching when I’m lying on my side or wearing shorts. It’s getting too much for me sigh

[Rant/Rave] Gained like 8 pounds my first 4 months at college and I’m ~suicidal~
Created: Mon Nov 12 19:19:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wkujm/gained_like_8_pounds_my_first_4_months_at_college/
So after successfully restricting over the summer and losing 20 pounds in 2 months (quick flex sorry) I had to start college. I tried like reaaaaallllly low restricting which was a bad idea because combined with college stress i got caught in this weird binge restrict cycle. For a while I maintained, but the binging felt so miserable I decided to stop restricting to see if the binge urges stopped. They didn’t! And I just stepped on the scale and I’m at least 8 pounds heavier than my lowest weight from September and like 6 pounds heavier than when I started college. I literally don’t know what to do and thanksgiving is coming up which is already giving me so much anxiety. Like I look so disgusting I want to crawl into a hole and die. I was so happy and confident when I was 130 and so close to being in the 20s and I threw it all away. Just a quick PSA that food is NOT as good as being skinny. Please give me strength as I try to relose this weight in the worst possible time to be dieting.

[Help] TMI: haven’t pooped in over 10 days and want to low-key binge in hopes that it’ll pass
/u/ihate-chicken [5’7” | CW:109.5 | 17.09]
Created: Mon Nov 12 19:16:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wktmr/tmi_havent_pooped_in_over_10_days_and_want_to/
Anyone know if this will work?

Like if I have a mini binge (maybe 400-500 calories) of unhealthy foods, will I poop?

[Rant/Rave] Dealing with a loved one in the hospital and my eating disorder at the same time.
Created: Mon Nov 12 19:12:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wksg5/dealing_with_a_loved_one_in_the_hospital_and_my/
Recently, my boyfriend went to the hospital. He has been struggling with depression and as soon as I heard the news, my heart dropped. He’s doing okay now but I still can’t help but worry. My eating disorder is based around my weight but also it’s also a control thing. So right now, I wish I could help him but I can’t. The only thing I can control is my weight. So, I’m taking all my emotions out on myself. I know he wouldn’t want me to worry so much but I can’t help it. It’s been years since I’ve met him and he’s such an important person in my life. Not only as a boyfriend but a best friend. I just hope he gets the help he needs. I also wish my eating disorder could go away. It’s times like this where I wish I could be normal.

[Rant/Rave] SO easy to relapse :,(
/u/m0nkeysinthewalls [171cm| 56kg| 19.0 | F]
Created: Mon Nov 12 19:06:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wkqt5/so_easy_to_relapse/
It’s been two days eating under 600 calories. Already my mind is foggy with thoughts of food, I am back to obsessing over what goes in my body.
Today I ate 1,500 because of a birthday dinner, and my mind is screaming TOO MUCH .

My point is, it is SO so easy to fall back into hell. Granted I have been b/p the last few months, but never managed to restrict, until now..

[Rant/Rave] I hate the maker of nutella
Created: Mon Nov 12 19:02:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wkpj0/i_hate_the_maker_of_nutella/

How do you guys handle Thanksgiving?
Created: Mon Nov 12 18:50:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wkm9f/how_do_you_guys_handle_thanksgiving/
I’m thinking of fasting hopefully a whole day before, and then eating a decent amount. No breakfast or lunch, just wait until dinner. How do you guys handle it?

[Rant/Rave] my girlfriend and i both have eating disorders
/u/orangeinfusedbanana [15f | 5’8 | UGW: 100]
Created: Mon Nov 12 18:43:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wkk6w/my_girlfriend_and_i_both_have_eating_disorders/
she’s anorexic and i’m bulimic, how can i keep her safe i really don’t want anything to happen to her. :( she’s my fucking world

[Rant/Rave] Holy fuck guys. I did it. I’m underweight. I don’t even know how to feel right now
/u/BluntCakes_ [5’7 | CW119 | 18.6 | GW112 | 18F]
Created: Mon Nov 12 18:36:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wki3l/holy_fuck_guys_i_did_it_im_underweight_i_dont/

[Discussion] I'm unhappy either way
Created: Mon Nov 12 18:31:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wkgnw/im_unhappy_either_way/
I can't ever be fully happy with myself…when i restrict yea it feels good to look and feel thinner but i'm also consumed with the nonstop thoughts about food, how good xyz will taste, and realizing just how miserable i am feeling cold and weak. But then i'll enter into more binge-like cycles where i'll just eat whatever and i finally feel like i have energy and can think, function, and be a more productive student (and it just feels soooo good to eat what i want to eat) uNTIL i start noticing the bloat or that my thigh gap is starting to close again. Either way there's always this gnawing sense of dissatisfaction with life in general. Its exhausting cuz it feels like i'll never escape it. I always swing either direction cuz there just doesn't seem to be anything extremely rewarding at maintenance. What even is balance? Anyone relate? :(

if i drop 15 lbs by new years ill be 99 lbs
Created: Mon Nov 12 18:31:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wkgjn/if_i_drop_15_lbs_by_new_years_ill_be_99_lbs/
lets do this 💪💪💪

anyone else have new years goals?

[Rant/Rave] Currently bingeing for the first time in over a year...
/u/peyton2724 [5'9'' | CW: 145 | F]
Created: Mon Nov 12 18:29:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wkfwe/currently_bingeing_for_the_first_time_in_over_a/
...and boy do I feel worthless and disgusting.

As I write this, I am ravenously stuffing my face with my second bag of rice cakes, for mental image. I’ll keep you updated as I move from food to food during this rant.

I suffered from bulimia many a year ago, and at some magical point just ‘grew out of’ bingeing for lack of better phrase.

Did I eat too much today?
Created: Mon Nov 12 18:29:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wkfva/did_i_eat_too_much_today/
Green tea with Splenda

I skipped school lunch and came home to eat a half cup of rice.

I had another small portion of rice, another green tea with Splenda, and a little bit of chocolate cake.

I feel bad. I feel like this is too much, is it?

Back to restriction
Created: Mon Nov 12 18:14:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wkbnu/back_to_restriction/
I've been in a binging cycle for far too long now... I gained back all the weight I lost and then some. The pictures I saw from my hike this weekend were a serious wake up call. Had around 400 cals today when my husband came to have lunch with me and I didn't even want to have that but he'd ask questions if I wasn't eating. Went on a run/jog that I haven't done in forever, burned off about 169cal from lunch and prob do some more workouts inside later. Just want to die for letting myself get this fat... complete and utter self hatred...

[Other] Do any other girls find male thinspo to be extremely triggering?
/u/chrysanthemym [🌻 she/her | cw: 145 | gw: 108 🌻]
Created: Mon Nov 12 18:13:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wkb66/do_any_other_girls_find_male_thinspo_to_be/

Foods that help prevent you from Binging?
Created: Mon Nov 12 18:06:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wk8x6/foods_that_help_prevent_you_from_binging/
When I buy snacks,or anything in large quantities, I tend to consume it all at once. Have you found any foods that you are able to withhold from doing this with? I have been doing so well not purging and I fear relapse.

DAE dread working out cause they dont want to sweat?
Created: Mon Nov 12 18:06:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wk8x1/dae_dread_working_out_cause_they_dont_want_to/
Whenever I do my cardio/workout I always end up sweating and eventually stinking cause of it. So i always have to take a shower , but sometimes i workout in the morning before school and sometimes really late at night so i cant shower right away but I start getting reaaaally stressed that im gonna smell bad. Is this just me or can other people relate?? What do you guys do to avoid this?

When you try so hard for so long only to start binging
Created: Mon Nov 12 18:01:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wk7gn/when_you_try_so_hard_for_so_long_only_to_start/

How much weight can you lose if you fast for 4 days?
Created: Mon Nov 12 18:00:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wk732/how_much_weight_can_you_lose_if_you_fast_for_4/

[Help] Cough drops calories?? Best low cal options?
/u/wispybubble [5’10 | 17F | 149 | 20.84 | -31]
Created: Mon Nov 12 17:57:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wk67c/cough_drops_calories_best_low_cal_options/
I have a sinus infection and my throat is KILLING ME. I’ve been eating lifesaver mints but they are 15cal each.

[Rant/Rave] Ate trash all day and genuinely thought I binged
Created: Mon Nov 12 17:44:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wk2cy/ate_trash_all_day_and_genuinely_thought_i_binged/
Cried a lot over it, and was too scared to count my calories. Counted the calories and I’m at 1200. Of course that might be a binge to many of you, but wtf ED?

people with abusive families, do you feel when you starve you finally feel like you are doing something right or something that will make someone appreciate you?
Created: Mon Nov 12 17:16:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wju26/people_with_abusive_families_do_you_feel_when_you/
This, above, is the exact reason why I starve. It gives me a natural high like no other. Nothing feels better than running off my own emptiness, the satisfaction of knowing what I am doing brings me positive repertoire from my parents and extended family. I love the fact that thinness is idealized in my culture, at least staying skinny is the only thing I can actually do right lmao

DAE feel like eating breakfast and lunch is not normal anymore?
Created: Mon Nov 12 16:59:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wjoxu/dae_feel_like_eating_breakfast_and_lunch_is_not/
I just thought about this today, while I was sitting in the library. Three girls from the table across from me got up at one point and came back a few minutes later with lunch. One girl had a big plate full of food, other one a big sandwich, and the third one a grain salad. I remember thinking how weird it was to see them just casually get up to buy such big amounts of food to eat for lunch. I thought how it would be equal to or more than my only meal of the day, my dinner. How I never could eat this this much so early in the day because I'd get hungry and binge in the evening. I don't ever eat breakfast (unless I'm hungover), last time I ate lunch was weeks ago and I regretted it immediately.

The whole situation made me think of this sub. Anyone else had weird eating patterns for such a long time that normal eating seems weird?

DAE dread shopping?
/u/stardustandpoetry [5'7 | CW:152lbs|GW:118 lbs|F]
Created: Mon Nov 12 16:56:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wjnxs/dae_dread_shopping/
I hate shopping shopping so much. Like I despise it. Everything triggers me: the sizing, the outfits, the change rooms. I see people who are shopping that are skinnier than me which makes me feel so horrible, I can't stop thinking about how they will look good in *that* outfit but it will look terrible on me. And don't even get me started on the change rooms, sometimes I buy things without even trying them on because I don't want to see myself in the mirror, and I'm terrified that the clothes won't fit me. I've always hated shopping because of this...probably why I never buy any new clothes.

/u/HotMessCentral [5'2.5" | 97 | 17.5 | -4.5 | F(Recovery)]
Created: Mon Nov 12 16:55:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wjnuj/test/
I took a stupid fucking bio test and thought I did well but ended up failing. I want to sink into a hole and die/cry. I now have a B+. I'm so fucking stupid and hate myself rn.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow is the day.
Created: Mon Nov 12 16:53:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wjn9m/tomorrow_tomorrow_is_the_day/
I need to write this somewhere or I wont do it.

I've been stuck in a binge cycle for a couple of weeks and I have no idea how much I've gained... I'm too unstable and depressed to weigh myself, I honestly think if I see how much I weigh it will be the push I need to actually kill myself.

So tomorrow is the day. I will not eat tomorrow. I will start restricting again. I've done it a hundred times before and I can do it again.

Wish me luck... I know if I think people are seeing this then I'm 20x more likely to follow through. Thanks for listening yall.

[Rant/Rave] weird day
Created: Mon Nov 12 16:52:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wjmvv/weird_day/
i guess I'll flair this as rant but im just putting this out cause i feel anxious.

so on my first real day of trying to recover i decided to use this app that gives you ideas/recepies for foods if you put a calorie limit, anyway i decided to start with 500 and add up every week.

so today i had some scrambled eggs+tomatoes on toast for breakfast and a lettuce+carrot salad.
that was supposed to be around 400 but then i kinda said "fuck this ed" and decided to have half a banana and 2/3 of an apple so maybe i ate around 500-600 today.

now i think i fucked up idk i feel like its too much, im scared i might want to eat something else and end up binging but its about to be 7pm and i stick really hard to my rule of no food after 7pm so ill probably have loads of tea til i go to sleep.

[Goal] Alright here we go!
/u/BluntCakes_ [5’7 | CW119 | 18.6 | GW112 | 18F]
Created: Mon Nov 12 16:49:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wjlw6/alright_here_we_go/
I’m ready for this! I decided this and I WILL follow through, I have no other options:

I am not going to eat anything until I am officially underweight.

I’m so close. It will feel better than any food on Earth, I know it will. It’ll be magnificent. I feel so motivated.

[Help] Dizzy AFTER eating
Created: Mon Nov 12 16:47:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wjlg2/dizzy_after_eating/
Does anyone feel weird and dizzy after eating when they haven't eaten in a long while? Like say they skip a day and then have a bit to take away the dizzy and then feel ill and tired and like they are going to pass out but ten times worse they if I just didn't eat.
I've been getting this lately. Does anyone know what this is all about?

today on "what sub is this again?"
Created: Mon Nov 12 16:41:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wjjgj/today_on_what_sub_is_this_again/

Day 1- Progress
Created: Mon Nov 12 16:14:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wjbda/day_1_progress/
I'm proud to say that I ate less than 1,000 calories today! Mostly tea, but I also chewed and spat a scone and cookie. As for actual food, I had a sandwich at Subway, but without cheese, sauce or much else inside. I feel amazing! By the end of the week, at this rate, maybe I'll have lost those 10 pounds.

Gigi is a bad person, volume 1
/u/gigi-has-issues [5'9"| CW 155| GW 115| F]
Created: Mon Nov 12 15:59:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wj6p3/gigi_is_a_bad_person_volume_1/
So this girl at my office used to bully me and a couple other girls. She got gastric bypass and thought she was the shit. I cannot even begin to tell you what this girl’s rude comments did to my self esteem, or how she would at least try to hurt me. For example, she said she was worried her online date would show up with bad skin because she knew my new boyfriend had really bad skin problems. That didn’t actually hurt but her intention to hurt my feelings was clear. She mainly shit talked fat people (a mutual friend) which was hilarious because she had to get surgery.

Ok so I hadn’t seen her in years (I now work from home) and stalked her on Facebook. She recently got married and ON HER WEDDING DAY had already gained back a huge chunk of the weight. I know this is terrible but it made me so freaking happy. 😈😈😈

[Rant/Rave] A new low?
Created: Mon Nov 12 15:58:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wj68q/a_new_low/
Hi, yeah I’m eating baby food now. The microwave dinner ones. They’re only 120-130 calories. I’m so ashamed I can’t even buy them at my usual Walmart. But hey, I’m finally in the 140’s.

[Rant/Rave] Stuck in a binge cycle
Created: Mon Nov 12 15:53:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wj4vl/stuck_in_a_binge_cycle/
I was doing so well down 2 lbs after starting intermittent fasting at the beginning of the week, and then just fell off the deep end with celebrations over the weekend. Now my stomach is messed up and I feel like garbage.

Ugh...tomorrow is a new day. But I just had to get it off my chest because I’m so mad at myself. I just want to prove that I can stick to something and control my binging habits.

Created: Mon Nov 12 15:46:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wj2jx/carbivore/
Does anyone know how to stop intense cravings? I did well today. A big handful of nuts, a coffee and some chewing gum. Minus the gum and nuts and that would be 👌🏻👌🏻. But I fucked up and binged this evening. Because of my carb deficit I was craving big time. I went psycho on a pasta pot and 2 spoonfuls of granola. Granted it’s not too crazy. But it’s enough to make me want to ram my hand onto the edge of a chainsaw. Teach myself a lesson. Any help to distract myself or stop cravings? My failed fasts are killing me faster than the sluggish weight loss. Fanks :)

3 lb in one week
Created: Mon Nov 12 15:38:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wj01h/3_lb_in_one_week/
I'm pretty proud of myself for losing 3 lb last week. (I put on 1 lb over the previous two weeks.) I didn't even do anything that unhealthy. I ate above 1000 calories every day. I never purge. Didn't do stupid amounts of exercise. Just ate healthy and managed to lose weight. :)

I wish I could c/s without my jaw swelling into the size of a beehive
Created: Mon Nov 12 15:26:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wiw4n/i_wish_i_could_cs_without_my_jaw_swelling_into/
I drink a lot and that accounts for the majority of my calories. I have been binging consistently since July. Initially I was trying to gain weight with intermittent b/p episodes, now I'm a healthy weight, not fat not thin, I'm actually fiine with it but it is so much easier to ruminate on food and nothingness than it is to simply be. Currently I'm trying not to gain further but not to have a massive loss, my health is terrible. Loss puts me in the hospital too quickly. This has resulted in drinking more and b/ping what I do eat or stuffing b/p remains (if they exist) into my mouth in drunken, dehydrated post purge "glory". Maintaining weight as is, the past few days have been so depressing I could die, but instead in dealing with it with negative coping mechanisms. Today I want to eat but don't want to feed my body, I consider c/sing I haven't done that since I was 16, my jaw would swell so much I have tmj. What I want to put up with a swollen jaw, not eating, or not eating then caving and b/ping and then having a swollen jaw? Hmm choices.

There honestly is something about c/s which is so incomplete for me to even attempt. I think it may be purging because binging always seems just as incomplete, even the step of swallowing seems a bit better (Haha insert sexual joke). Life really drains on you sometimes.

I wish my body would look the same from day to day.
Created: Mon Nov 12 15:24:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wivg0/i_wish_my_body_would_look_the_same_from_day_to_day/
Some days, I'll get up and look in the mirror, and I look like I've lost weight. I can see a flatter stomach, slimmer thighs, etc. I feel good on those days. I may not be where I want to be yet, but I've obviously made progress.

Other days, I'll get up, and I look like I've gained twenty pounds overnight. All I can see is fat and flab and cellulite. It seems like any progress I've made has disappeared.

I know, logically, that my appearance isn't changing that much from day to day. Maybe I'm a little bloated, or maybe I just had a whoosh, but that doesn't make *that* much of a difference. It's like a wake up in a different body every single day, and I never know what it's going to be.

Clearance safe food haul! I shouldn’t be let in a grocery store alone. 🙄
Created: Mon Nov 12 15:07:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wipzp/clearance_safe_food_haul_i_shouldnt_be_let_in_a/

[Rant/Rave] my friends wants to be anorexic and it annoys the crap out of me
/u/tired_platypus [5'4 | 117.2 lbs |F17]
Created: Mon Nov 12 14:38:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wigd8/my_friends_wants_to_be_anorexic_and_it_annoys_the/
so this girl knows i’ve had issues with eating and whatnot, and recently she’s become obsessed with becoming super skinny, now this girl is already super thin and absolutely gorgeous but i’ve recently noticed that she’s skipping meals, counting calories for literally everything, saying she’s not hungry when she hasn’t eaten, etc. but very recently, she’s started asking me for tips, like she’s asking how i manage fasting for over a day, what workouts burn the most calories, stuff like that. AND it gets worse. she’s now spreading her knowledge or whatever to her other friends. like today she saw one of my other friends eating a pack of chips and she was like “oh my god r u rly gonna eat that? didn’t u just eat lunch? u know if u don’t eat when ur not hungry, you’ll lose weight a lot faster.” i don’t know what to do or what to say to her to stop and honestly every time she talks abt how she’s lost so much weight or how she hates herself bc she just “binged” on fruit, i just wanna strangle her. i know that its wrong and i should prolly be more helpful in case she rly does have an eating disorder. but idk maybe i’m just jealous of her, honestly i don’t know and i hate that she’s putting other ppl down for their eating habits.

[Rant/Rave] Relapse after stint with Intuitive Eating. I feel so alive. (tw warning)
/u/chrysanthemym [🌻 she/her | cw: 145 | gw: 108 🌻]
Created: Mon Nov 12 14:33:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wielp/relapse_after_stint_with_intuitive_eating_i_feel/
I’ve relapsed. After trying to recover and gaining 30 lbs. after trying to accept my body, get involved with the “body acceptance” movement and HAES, and intuitive eating, I’ve relapsed after seeing a photo of someone that triggered me so much.

It’s been my first day back restricting. Had oatmeal for breakfast, and snacked on an honey almond bar after taking half a pill of bronkaid and coffee and I feel so alive right now.

I’ve missed this. Even though I didn’t want this, god I missed this. I missed this.

[Discussion] Intense cravings for meat?
/u/staticphat [Height: 5'3 | CW: Jabba the Hutt | GW: Bikini Leia]
Created: Mon Nov 12 14:33:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wiecl/intense_cravings_for_meat/
I’ve been thinking about binging on meat a lot. Like, fried chicken, KBBQ, ribs, etc. I’m not even vegetarian or anything and eat meat pretty regularly, but I’ve been getting these cravings. Any low cal suggestions?

[Help] Can fasting as a form of purging still be dangerous?
Created: Mon Nov 12 14:30:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9widgc/can_fasting_as_a_form_of_purging_still_be/
I know this seems like a really stupid question, but for context;

I've been trying to cut down on vomiting as a form of purging (and have been kinda successful at it!), but because of this I've been doing more fasting after binges eeeeek.

I'm having bloods done tomorrow in addition to an EKG and having my blood pressure checked. I was wondering if fasting will be negatively impacting on them / if it'll flag up? I'm fully aware that I've just swapped out one way of purging for another, but fasting seems so \~healthy\~ to me.


Or maybe I've just been spending too much time scrollin through r/fasting lmao.


[Help] "Refeeding" myths
/u/rosepurplesoup [5'10" | 173 fuck me | 24.2 | -10 | F]
Created: Mon Nov 12 14:00:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wi39v/refeeding_myths/
My therapist keeps trying to tell me that once I get to my goal weight and start eating again, my body will go into "starvation mode" and defy me by holding onto every calorie making me gain weight. I don't see how it's scientifically possible if I stay at maintenance. Anyone want to reassure me?

[Discussion] best tea(s) for restricting?
Created: Mon Nov 12 13:51:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9whzu3/best_teas_for_restricting/

[Discussion] Is anyone else just like completely consumed with thoughts about weight
/u/hollyy___ [5’8” | 124lbs | 18.85 | -31lbs | 17F | 🍑liltiddy]
Created: Mon Nov 12 13:45:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9why02/is_anyone_else_just_like_completely_consumed_with/
Not even necessarily negative thoughts, but I’m just always thinking about how I can’t wait to wear a certain clothes size or wondering how much weight I’ll lose this week etc. It totally gets in the way like I’ll be trying to get uni work done then suddenly I’m daydreaming about my GW and wasting a bunch of time lol.

[Rant/Rave] it’s like all of the signs that shock me can’t get me to stop
Created: Mon Nov 12 13:29:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9whshj/its_like_all_of_the_signs_that_shock_me_cant_get/
Not looking for advice because I’m trying and have tried everything under the sun and tired of doing new things and failing for this time being.

But I’m a BED pal on this sub and thus my weight fluctuates heavily going up and down because of binges and high restricting to offset the binges in short amounts of time. But why can’t I get into normal dieting and stay with it.... I know why it’s my food addiction and poor relationship..... but I wish I could just turn off the “time to eat” switch in my brain.

Hitting highest weight EVER didn’t stop me. All these new stretch marks haven’t stopped me. Trouble breathing at night and heart burn aren’t stopping me. All of this shit isn’t stopping my cyclical binging so far.

I’m sitting in bed right now and my last food was at 5:30pm yesterday. I don’t want to eat at all right now. And eating is scary because if I do eat I’ll end up binging. I have NO FOOD in this house because safe foods become unsafe. I am not even hungry right now so I guess it’s fine. It’s 12:30pm almost. I know if I fasted I’d be perfectly fine. 24 hours is safe. 48 hours is safe. After that it’s still safe as long as I follow extended fasting rules. I’m overweight. I hate it. I hate eating. I hate eating so much. It’s compulsive and stressful. It’s like shoveling food *literally*. It’s like shame and body pain.

I really want today to be the day I have a long period of not binging. I still have yet to go a week I think and it’s been like this most of the year.

[Rant/Rave] Got rejected from an IOP. Now what?
/u/tornessa [5'2"| 107 | 19.6 | F]
Created: Mon Nov 12 13:20:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9whplu/got_rejected_from_an_iop_now_what/
I was on the fence about doing an IOP, because I don't feel like I'm sick enough. I went to an intake appointment anyway, and finally heard back today. I was rejected. They think I need **more** help than they can give me, like a PHP.

I'm so upset. I told the lady that there's no way I'm doing a PHP, I just got a new job. And I don't binge. And I've maintained my weight for 6 months.

When I pressed her about why, she said they think I need more meal support than they can give me. But I eat every day! It just makes no sense.

They are the only IOP in the city I live in and now I don't know what I'm going to do. I guess just keep on trying to get better with my therapist and nutritionist.

[Rant/Rave] the very hungry caterpillar (ed edition)
/u/basicvodkaboy [dull eyes stare into valium colored skies / cw 119]
Created: Mon Nov 12 13:17:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9whojg/the_very_hungry_caterpillar_ed_edition/
In the light

of the moon

a little egg

lay on a leaf.

One Sunday morning the warm sun came up and -pop! — out of the egg

came a tiny and very hungry caterpillar.

On Monday

he ate through

one apple,

but he was still


On Tuesday

he ate through

a salad,

but he was

still hungry.

On Wednesday

he ate through

a protein bar and a pack of marlboro menthol,

but he was still


On Thursday

he ate through

a pack of 90 cals microwave vegetables,

but he was still


On Friday

he ate through

two sugarfree redbulls and a bottle of coke light,

but he was still


On Saturday

he ate through

two protein bars and two sugarfree redbulls,

but he was still


On Sunday,

he ate through

two pink lady apples,

but he was still hungry.

On Monday,

he ate through

2 pounds of lasagna, 1 pack of shredded cheese, an entire pack of double stuffed oreos, one pint of häagen dazs mint chocolate chip, a burger, a pizza and half a bottle of absolut vodka raspberri

*and he purged it all because the very hungry caterpillar is a disgusting piece of shit and no, fitting in the smallest size pair of jeans at h&m still doesn’t mean you’re skinny, and no, finding out that a size small pullover looks like an oversized burlap sack on you doesn’t either.*

and he was still hungry (fuck my life lol)

Anyone just get sick all the damn time?
Created: Mon Nov 12 13:14:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9whnpc/anyone_just_get_sick_all_the_damn_time/
If there’s a cold going around I will catch it 110%. I have had 4 throat infections since april. I think this year I have been sick more times than I have been “healthy” (lol) is anyone else like this? I take emergen-c, it only does so much. Apple cider vinegar too. Yet here i am, with bronchitis for the second time this year. I just love it!

[Rant/Rave] Mom won't let me live on my own if I don't gain weight, I realized I'm screwing myself over yet again
/u/aliennation1137 [5'6" | CW: 105 | BMI: 17.0 | GW: 100 | 22M]
Created: Mon Nov 12 13:13:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9whnd1/mom_wont_let_me_live_on_my_own_if_i_dont_gain/
So, first off, let me establish that I'm not a totally ungrateful piece of shit and I'm glad that my mom, for all of our issues, loves (at least the closeted version of) me dearly and doesn't want me to die.

This weekend she visited me, and since the last time I went home and saw her I've noticeably lost weight. We talked about my ED and I ate normally (I think) when I was around her to minimize her worry and avert any fighting, but she told me that I need to gain weight or at the very least maintain, or I'm going to be moving back home after I graduate next month. The reasoning for this comes from a combination of my mom's worry (legitimate) and control issues (annoying af - she trusts herself more than an actual clinician to manage my recovery) and the fact that I have a therapist in my parents' city whom my parents really like (and whom I trust a lot more than other therapists I've seen, but there are a couple specific reasons I really don't get what I need from therapy with her and I don't know how to explain that to my parents). My mom helped me make a meal plan for the next week and a half (I'm coming home for Thanksgiving), we went grocery shopping together, and I promised to try my best, but because I'm an utter piece of human garbage I threw away half of the groceries as soon as she left.

Because I have no motivation to recover yet, I know I'm going to have lost more weight (unless I fuck up and binge a lot) by the time I see my family at Thanksgiving, and I feel terrible because I don't want to cause stress or fighting for my parents and brother (whom I haven't seen in months). My body is finally starting to feel almost safe and tolerable again without the fat and curves, and I want to keep going but I KNOW I'm going to wind up in IP/residential because people who aren't me have functional brains and would most likely put me there. The last thing I want is to move back home and fuck up the progress I've been making towards independence and getting a job (I have one starting in the city where I live now, and would be unable to do it if I went into full time treatment or moved home), but I feel like that's where I'm headed.

Purging my contracting my stomach muscles alone
Created: Mon Nov 12 13:07:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9whl0d/purging_my_contracting_my_stomach_muscles_alone/
I have no idea how I learned this but fizzy diet soda and contracting my stomach muscles I purge by squeezing my stomache and jerking over. Less violent noises and I toned my tummy too. I can also control how much I bring up. I've done this since I was 14... Does anyone else do this or am I just really wierd?

Ab workouts?
/u/dearpuppy [F🐄 165cm | GW 42kg | CW 52.0kg]
Created: Mon Nov 12 12:43:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9whcck/ab_workouts/
Okay so I want to start working out my abs because they're... nonexistent and I look weird with boney ribs and skinny-fat stomach. What exercises do y'all do to strengthen your core? Also looking for feedback on how much of a difference it made to your midsection.

What drinks do you order at the bar?
/u/bunners89 [5'6" | CW:119lbs | GW:104lbs | BMI:19.4 | Weight Lost:0 | F]
Created: Mon Nov 12 12:27:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wh6gv/what_drinks_do_you_order_at_the_bar/
I love cocktails, sweeter the better. I know they are empty calories but so delicious!! What are some low calorie cocktail I can order?

I hate calorie calculators..
Created: Mon Nov 12 12:18:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wh3ay/i_hate_calorie_calculators/
I just went on a 12 mile walk. Came home, searched up a bunch of calorie calculators for walking, input my time and distance. All of them say I burned around 700 calories.

But then, when I input that I walked 0 miles, it still says I burned 400 calories in that time. Does that mean these calculators include my BMR? -___-

Did I only burn 700-400=300 calories then?? I'm losing my mind. I walked for 3 hours and my feet hurt so much, I'm wondering if it was even worth it now.

[Help] Inpatient while vegan?
/u/extraclevermongoose [5'7" 🐇 Underweight bmi 🐇 They/them]
Created: Mon Nov 12 11:56:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wguow/inpatient_while_vegan/
Hello. I don’t plan on admitting myself any time soon, but I think having information on this would help settle my mind. I understand how a vegan diet could be linked to someone’s restriction/food rules so a treatment center might not allow it but for me I become vegan quite some time after developing an ED. Yeah, there is an aspect of food avoidance, but it’s largely due to ethical reasons. I love animals, the thought of eating something they died and or suffered for is extremely upsetting, it’s not calories. Was anyone in treatment allowed to stay vegan? What was it like? the idea of being forced to eat meat/dairy/eggs when there is just as many nutritionally dense vegan options to substitute is one big thing putting me off from possibly seeking medical help in the future...

[Help] DAE hoard binge foods?
Created: Mon Nov 12 11:50:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wgscm/dae_hoard_binge_foods/
I’m home alone right now and I’m getting this terrible urge to binge. Instead of binging though, because I’m trying to hit my daily 16 hour fast, I’m just finding all sorts of things to put in a bag for, I guess, later.

I currently have:
-half of a PB & Me chocolate hazelnut (23 calories) sourdough (65 calories) sandwich
-another slice of sourdough from Superstore (65 calories)
-four fun sized kitkats (60 calories each>240 calories)
-one pudding kitkat (63 calories)
-two triple chocolate cookies (90 calories each>180 calories)

I think I’ll probably find more things to hoard, but I don’t know yet.

Is this normal behaviours or is it just me..?

[Discussion] What’s everyone’s Christmas goals??
Created: Mon Nov 12 11:44:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wgq8s/whats_everyones_christmas_goals/
I’d love to lose weight for Christmas and New Year (not that I have any plans because I have no friends lol). I’m currently 176lb and I’d love to be 160lb by Christmas!! My birthday is February and I’d love to be at my GW by then (129lb) but I doubt it. I also want to be able to eat some Christmas food on Christmas Day without feeling guilt. What’s everyone else’s Christmas goals, weight or otherwise??

Actually lost weight b/ping
/u/sugafreedreams [18M / 181cm 🏳️‍🌈 Highest BMI: 30.3 / Current BMI: 16.9]
Created: Mon Nov 12 11:30:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wglak/actually_lost_weight_bping/
Kind of a pointless post, but I've only ever maintained my weight while being in a b/p cycle before. Not losing wasn't caused by me being an inefficient purger (I'm able to just bend over and blast everything out hands-free), I just never used to purge normal meals when in a b/p cycle, only binges.

But this time I've basically been binging with huge portions at every meal and purging everything I can get out quickly and easily, leaving my body maybe 1000 calories or less a day to actually digest. As a result I've now lost a kg in two weeks, comparable to what I'd lose with <1000 cal/day restriction. It's not just water weight either, because daily weight fluctuations are down at least a kg from two weeks ago.

Everything about losing weight without restricting while eating +4000 calories a day seems so forbidden and wrong... Hopefully this isn't a permanent turn for the worse, wish me luck guys :/

I got sick
Created: Mon Nov 12 10:59:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wgab4/i_got_sick/
I got sick physically. Mentally I’ve been sick for years. The doctor thought my appendix was fit to burst, then a kidney infection, now just gastric flu. And despite the awfulness of gastric flu, (d&v), I was still able to stuff my face and gain 8 lbs in a week. I’m so bloated as well. I hate my life.

[Rant/Rave] I'm so fucking tired
Created: Mon Nov 12 10:48:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wg6mt/im_so_fucking_tired/
I just want to sleep. Forever. But I cant. I'm tired of school, all I look forward to is my friends. I'm tired of caring about how I look, tired of not being able to enjoy my life because I'm consumed by this disorder. I want to fucking SLEEP

[Goal] Bitches I’m back and ‘bout to beat a binge cycle
Created: Mon Nov 12 10:40:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wg40s/bitches_im_back_and_bout_to_beat_a_binge_cycle/
*she says and hopes her willpower becomes steely strong*

I’ve been binging for so fucking long and I’m so disgusting I’m wanna die rip. I can see the weight that’s went on, feel how it affects my clothes and I want it GONE. Determined to get back into restriction and be at least 110lbs for Christmas - posting this here so I’m held accountable 😅

A Frightening Epiphany (potentially triggering)
Created: Mon Nov 12 10:38:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wg39y/a_frightening_epiphany_potentially_triggering/
I was watching an episode of the Good Doctor a couple weeks ago, and if you haven’t seen it there was an episode that focused on a patient that had an eating disorder and she’s had it so long and it’s so severe that she will literally die without a heart surgery, but she’s so weak that it’s risky to operate. I had no idea how much this would fuck with my mind, but after watching the doctors tell her what she needs to do and despite the threat of death at her door she is still unable to change her behaviors to be healthier. And I realized after watching this episode that if a Doctor were to tell me the exact same thing that, “unless I change my eating behavior right now and eat healthier, I will die” I honestly wouldn’t be able to do it. And that is terrifying to think that I would choose my eating disorder over living and it’s truely shaken me to the core. This made me realize just how bad my eating disorder was and it makes me want to cry, but.... the plus side is that I made an appointment with a therapist that is an expert with eating disorders.

[Discussion] What’s your ideal shopping list?
Created: Mon Nov 12 10:20:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wfxew/whats_your_ideal_shopping_list/
Ok so here’s the rundown, I get a TON of anxiety when grocery shopping. Tons of worrying about buying the wrong foods and being stuck with them, or not knowing what to get. I’m a college student in the UK and this is the first time I’ve ever had to shop on my own. Because of this, I often hold off on shopping/eating very much in general but I’d like to go for a proper grocery shop and stock up on foods I can eat with my ED and not be so nervous about eating. What are your go to staples? Multi-ingredient dishes? Things I can store in the fridge? I do not have access to a freezer.
Thank you all, you’re a great and very supportive community.

[Rant/Rave] The Whoosh Is Real Y'all!
/u/thetexangypsy [5'3 | 126lbs | 23.9 | 25lbs | Female]
Created: Mon Nov 12 10:15:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wfvt3/the_whoosh_is_real_yall/
So I ate really shitty over the weekend (thanks Smirnoff and Shipleys...) so I was preparing myself for the worst when I did my weekly weigh in this morning. I can only weigh myself once a week because that's the only time I get the house to myself, and I weighed 133 last Monday.

But guys.... 126!!! I finally broke into the 120's!

I'm so happy! I've been staying <600 for the past week, after being at 750. I think I'm going to stay on this, because this is the best result I've gotten in a while 🤩

[Other] If anyone needs a little bit of inspo.. (CW she talks about fasting, weird eating habits, obsessing with weight etc. - in a very casual way)
/u/cozyday [F23| 20.1 | 5'6" | CW: 125 |]
Created: Mon Nov 12 10:03:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wfrij/if_anyone_needs_a_little_bit_of_inspo_cw_she/

[Discussion] How c/s has changed me
/u/RachAgainstLeMachine [5'3 🌻 CW: 93lbs 🌻 21F]
Created: Mon Nov 12 09:51:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wfnnm/how_cs_has_changed_me/
Last night we had a party at our house and all of the guests decided to bring dessert. So we had a buttload of desserts. The guests ended up taking some dessert home, but not too much.

Before my c/s days, I would’ve been really anxious about the amount of extra desserts lying around, but now that I c/s, I’m just like “yaaay! Tons of free food to c/s!”

Which, I mean, I’m not complaining about. It makes me more at ease.

Anyone else like this?😅😅

[Discussion] Work meeting , restriction & city barbeque
/u/feelsomethinggg [5'7 | 173 |24.1|-9| 24F]
Created: Mon Nov 12 09:51:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wfnmu/work_meeting_restriction_city_barbeque/
So fuck me, been restricting like a boss and today I have a work meeting and the lunch is city barbeque which is a fucking fav.
I'm also bloated and about to start my period so this sucks.
I want to eat but I know I shouldn't
Ugh 😣

[Discussion] Anyone else obsess with their teeth? I hate the way certain foods feel when they touch my teeth. I brush for a good 5-10 minutes, floss, whiten. If I have to purge you bet your ass I rinse with baking soda and then water 1000 times
Created: Mon Nov 12 09:47:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wfm6p/anyone_else_obsess_with_their_teeth_i_hate_the/
Things I think feel gross to my teeth:
• soda
• sugary foods
• hard foods like biting into an whole apple
• cold things

This feeling doesn’t extend to sugar free beverages, gum, really any of my “safe” foods. I wonder if it’s a mental thing.

If I haven’t purged, I’ll whiten my teeth by Rinsing with a cap full of hydrogen peroxide for 3 minutes because that’s the active ingredient in whitening strips!

I brush 3 times a day, and floss once at night.

I honestly never noticed how weird I am with my extensive oral hygiene routine until I moved in with my boyfriend. He would finish brushing after what felt like no time at all, and I can’t do a quick brushing until I feel like I really did something.

Am I alone in this? Might not even be Ed related.

[Rant/Rave] Torn over smoking weed
/u/SomeOtherThirdThing [5'1 | CW 130lb | HW 145lb | GW 100lb]
Created: Mon Nov 12 09:45:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wflkm/torn_over_smoking_weed/
Hey guys, so I’ve been pretty much a daily weed smoker for about 7 years now. Marijuana helps slow down my obsessive and anxious thoughts about every aspect of my life and lets me be a lot more creative. It also helps me sleep A LOT better. I love weed. However, my main problem I’ve had with it for years now is the insatiable munchies I get. I lose all control when I’m high. Nothing else matters except stuffing my face when I’m high. I go into binge cycles for days at a time when I smoke a lot and this leads to a lot of weight gain. When I don’t have any at the moment to smoke, I barely eat. I don’t have much of an appetite and it’s pretty easy to lose a few pounds a week. So I guess I’m just ranting here about how I could easily reach my goal weight if I stopped smoking BUT, the advantages of weed bring me back to it every time. I wish I could be one of those skinny stoner girls that get high and just chill or read or listen to music. But all I do is eat and think about food. If anyone has a similar experience, do you have any advice on how to avoid the obsessive food thoughts while high? It just really sucks.

[Intro] Venom chomps its way past Justice League at the global box office
Created: Mon Nov 12 09:42:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wfkno/venom_chomps_its_way_past_justice_league_at_the/

Trans-guy ED Group?
Created: Mon Nov 12 09:40:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wfjxr/transguy_ed_group/
I've seen a few other trans-guys on this subreddit. Would any of you be interested in setting up a group chat on Peach, Discord, WhatsApp or whatever the fuck kind of social app is in these days?

We could bitch and moan about stuff or provide support idk, I just want friends who get what I'm going through, y'know?

So yeah, would anyone be interested in that?

Motivation Monday
/u/ihate-chicken [5’7” | CW:109.5 | 17.09]
Created: Mon Nov 12 09:32:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wfhdf/motivation_monday/
It’s Monday.... let’s get this bread!! (Or Coke Zero or rice cakes or whatever ya want)

What’s something positive you’re looking forward to this week?
Mine is seeing family :)

[Discussion] Exercise
Created: Mon Nov 12 09:31:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wfh6z/exercise/
Has anyone else found exercise to be a double edged sword? What kind of exercises do you do regularly?

I've been trying to use exercise as what I thought could be a cheat code to getting a little more normal about my eating habits but I don't think it's helping me much. I can't afford a gym membership and I live in Canada so cardio outside is a no go. I've been sticking to mostly body weight stuff.

People always talk about how "addictive" things like weight lifting are, and how they look forward to their workouts...... when exactly is that supposed to kick in?

I'm trying so hard to be healthy but I don't think it's helping anything. I've been gaining weight (before you ask not muscle) lately so any progress I'd make in the toning department is pointless.

The whole process just feels like I'm failing and wasting my time and missing something that normal people enjoy.

Man I'm grumpy this morning.

You're a big guy...
/u/GQJohnDoe [6'2" | 233.2(!!) | 29.xx | 0.4 (>100 before) | M(ish)]
Created: Mon Nov 12 09:28:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wfg5d/youre_a_big_guy/
... Thanks. I know. (I have a plane. It has a reputation of being small, but they're really not, they're just setup differently. Like a Corvette. I was an an airport event last night and a woman was like, "I'm surprised you fit in one of those!" At first I was like, "the designer was 6'5" (I'm "only" 6'2"), but then she continued, and it was obvious she wasn't talking about my height.

FML. I'm not eating again until March.

[Other] Yay for disordered eating !1
/u/kimboislame [5'1 | CW: 115 | SW: 125 | GW: 105 | 19F]
Created: Mon Nov 12 09:18:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wfd5v/yay_for_disordered_eating_1/

Tired of this hell.
/u/SuicidalSuccubus [5'11.5" | CW 144 :( | LW 128 | GW 125]
Created: Mon Nov 12 09:16:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wfcc7/tired_of_this_hell/
I am so tired, both physically and mentally. I am tired of comparing my CW to my LW, rationally knowing I look much healthier and better now than I did at a ~17 BMI, but romanticizing being that small and still wanting to be that size, perhaps even smaller.

I'm tired of medicating myself with food or lack of it. I'm hate that I willingly fuck up my health because I'm either starving and near passing out or binging to the point that my stomach feels like it's going to explode.

I'm tired of the fact that despite desperately wanting to get back down to my LW, I get so discouraged by my recent weight gain that I say "fuck it" and binge and then force myself to exercise so much, only to burn barely half the calories I've just eaten. My self control has gone out the window and I disgust myself.

And I'm tired because I know that recovery will likely never last, and I will relapse time and again. I tried to recover, and it just turned into a binge cycle. My whole life, even as a child, I've had issues with food and eating... It sucks that this is what I'm going to suffer with for the rest of my life.

Doctors Weigh in
Created: Mon Nov 12 09:15:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wfc56/doctors_weigh_in/
Am I gonna wait to eat until after my 1pm appt so the nurse doesn’t think I’m fat? Absofuckinglutely

[Help] Starbucks holiday drink help!
/u/asiaticlily [5’10 | 131.2 lbs | -49 lbs | F22]
Created: Mon Nov 12 09:11:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wfavv/starbucks_holiday_drink_help/
Hey guys!! I really want to treat myself, and try to beat one of my ED fears, which is drinking significant liquid cals for my coffee in the morning. Like something more than 5 cals for just iced espresso etc etc... but I don’t want to push myself too much and get a full/high calorie option...
does anyone know any vegan drinks in the holiday line that are low calorie? I prefer almond milk!
If someone could give me a recommendation I would be forever grateful. I love the holiday drinks and haven’t had a full one in a long time.

This semester is kicking my ass, I am so thankful to have found this community.
/u/HotTeaComfySocks [5'1| CW: 126.6 | SW: 136.6 | GW: 110-105 | F]
Created: Mon Nov 12 08:50:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wf4d7/this_semester_is_kicking_my_ass_i_am_so_thankful/
I've been lurking for the past week or so, and I am thrilled to know there's a community of like-minded people out here supporting each other through this shit. Bulimia sucks, but it's helping to keep me going through my first semester of law school. Nothing makes sense at school, so control over my body gives me something to focus on outside of the dread I feel studying and sitting in class. Plus, the posts here keep me grounded. I only binged and purged one day last week, a major improvement over the previous weeks where food has been my only source of comfort. Everyone's posts on their successes have motivated me to work towards my ideal body. If this whole law school thing doesn't pan out, at least I'll be actively working towards my ideal physical self. Also, thank you for reminding me of my love of white Monster.

Sincerely, me.

[Rant/Rave] Never shop at work
Created: Mon Nov 12 08:47:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wf3bh/never_shop_at_work/
I work at a grocery store and my main manager is an angel and by far the best boss I’ve ever had. I’m sure he has noticed my rapid weight loss and occasionally asks if I ate anything yet when it’s well past lunch and offered to to buy me lunch in exchange for me buying a table cloth for yada yada. Anyway, I found zero calorie brown sugar and powdered sugar that I haven’t found anywhere else and we have really good zero calorie pop on sale. So I walked by him with my basket and he said “grocery shopping?” And kind of strained to look at my basket. The only actual food I had was a single portobello mushroom cap. I’m panicking and never shopping at work again.

How did I get here
/u/rosepurplesoup [5'10" | 173 fuck me | 24.2 | -10 | F]
Created: Mon Nov 12 08:44:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wf2ly/how_did_i_get_here/
I started dating someone new and over the course of a year went from about 145 to 183. How could I let that happen? It's a little easier when your boyfriend keeps telling you you're beautiful and has unhealthy eating habits himself (though he hasn't gained shit). Back to transforming myself over the winter I suppose. :(

What color does each 'body check' or thinspo remind you of?
/u/scaledrops [5'8" | CW: 186.8 | -10.2 | i do art | F16]
Created: Mon Nov 12 08:41:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wf1hi/what_color_does_each_body_check_or_thinspo_remind/
Bit of an odd question, but ribs for me would be red, or something similar to that.

Colors resonate with me, and I just want to know if anyone feels the same.

I have some colored pencils I want to put to use.

[Goal] motivation?
Created: Mon Nov 12 08:39:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wf14d/motivation/
so i ordered a couple sweatpants online, and when they got in one of them were just... ridiculously small on me. i'm trans female to male, and since i have big hips (that i want to chop off constantly), whenever i buy men's pants it never fits right.

but today, i could barely fucking squeeze into these mofos. my legs fit fine, but when it reached my ass i thought i would rip it or some shit. ending up having a panic attack because of dysphoria and had a binge/purge fest to 'cope'.

but uh, now that i've wiped off the vomit and all, i have 200% more motivation to lose weight: i'm gonna fit into those fucking sweatpants and idc if i have to live off diet coke and cinnamon roll vape juice for weeks to get it.

[Other] My stomach did that extremely loud grumble this morning while making some tea.
Created: Mon Nov 12 08:38:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wf0lk/my_stomach_did_that_extremely_loud_grumble_this/
I ADORED IT. Am I crazy?

I’ll wash this victory down with a zero calorie beverage.

PSA: I just created an ED dream salted caramel milkshake that you NEED in your life rn
/u/innocentkitty [5'1.5 | CW: 87 | 16.4 | GW: 80]
Created: Mon Nov 12 08:34:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wezd4/psa_i_just_created_an_ed_dream_salted_caramel/
this is legitimately life changing, ok.

life. changing.

- 17g salted caramel whey protein (75 cal / 15g protein)
- large tablespoon of breyers delight salted caramel cake (35 cal, 2g protein)
- myprotein sugar free butterscotch flavour syrup (0 cal)
- 150ml skimmed milk, or 150ml water, or a combination of both
(75 cal or 0 cal depending)
- tsp psyllium husk

whack all that into a blender and blend until smooth. obviously it doesn't have to be the exact brands i mentioned and you can get creative or work with what you've got, but you get the point.

- redi whip (5 cal)
- syrup again (0 cal)

top it with as much of this as you want and serve it in a tall milkshake glass. the better it looks the better it tastes, obv.

it's REALLY sweet so if you don't like that add a lil salt (i have a sweet tooth when it comes to cake and desserts though so this is perfect for me without it)

200 calories might sound like a lot (or 120 if you use water), but you'll thank me later. there's almost 20g of protein in there which is gonna keep you full forever (and it's ""healthy""!) plus if you have trouble with shitting the psyllium husk is undetectable and will work miracles. if i low restricted i'd probably live off this as OMAD because it's SO satisfying. i was kind of scared of protein powder at first, but i've dropped 4 pounds in the past 2 weeks whilst i've been drinking shakes daily so i'm marking them safe as heck. honestly this might be the best milkshake i've ever tasted (better than any fucking starbucks cream frap and basically a dupe for costa's toffee coolers) even before all this and GOD DAMN. i'm a changed woman forever.

if anyone makes this let me know what you think or if you've made any similar concoctions stick em below.

<3 happy autumn

[Rant/Rave] Holidays at Home
/u/ur-doing-gr8 [5'5| CW 148 | SW 155 | GW 120 | F]
Created: Mon Nov 12 08:33:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wez9j/holidays_at_home/
So I'm a college student, and this means I'm going to go home for the holidays. Already dreading Thanksgiving and Christmas because I know I'm going to eat way too much. My parents eat super healthy but always say things like "If you're eating the right foods, it doesn't matter how much you eat!" which is just ... not true. It's going to take all of my willpower to fight against that mentality.

I've been losing weight for a while but nobody has even noticed. This used to discourage me, but I'm trying to use it as motivation now. Here's to making it through the next couple months!

Just made an intake appointment at a treatment center
/u/broketreebranch [AN/BP 🍑: dancinghare]
Created: Mon Nov 12 08:18:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9weum5/just_made_an_intake_appointment_at_a_treatment/
And it’s scheduled the day before Thanksgiving. How appropriate.

[Discussion] Shirataki noodles recipes/ideas
/u/fiyacht524 [5'6" |CW 50.5kg |BMI 17.89 | GW:48kg| Female]
Created: Mon Nov 12 08:18:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9weujd/shirataki_noodles_recipesideas/
I finally found a shop near me that sells these low cal noodles, and I can't wait to buy a packet.

Any advice on how to cook them? Should I fry them or boil them? Also, and recipe suggestions that uses them but is still low cal!

[Discussion] Issues with being taken seriously?
/u/Thin_Wishes3 [5’8” | HW:145 | LW:110| 26F]
Created: Mon Nov 12 08:14:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9weti4/issues_with_being_taken_seriously/
So I’m just curious if anyone has ever felt like they haven’t been taken seriously when trying to get help for their Ed?
Whether it’s from your weight not being “low enough” or even discrimination based on age, income, insurance etc.

I’ve had quite a few bad experiences in therapy. One, that I was referred to by my old dietician like 2 years ago, told me she’s not worried about weight and wouldn’t weigh me unless I looked too thin (thx). I’ve had one tell me my body is amazing and she couldn’t believe I “looked that great” without exercising at all (vomit). I’ve had others basically glaze over the fact that I said I had an ED and I just felt like it was because I didn’t “look the part.” I had a school psychologist in HS tell me I shouldn’t worry because my calves were so skinny (???) and I looked good.
I had one who was good, she was the best ED therapist in my county but ended up being a flake in the end so that was that. I truly believe it was because I was using my insurance and not self paying.

I never really go to the doctors, but when I have and I’ve explained what’s going on, while I don’t think they’ve treated me as a serious case they never acted like I was lying to them.

As far as regular people in my life go who know, most of them have understood. Although I have gotten comments that I’m “taking the easy way out” and that “I have been chubby before” so I always have an issue believing people when they say I’m not fat.

Anyway with all of the stigma that we face on a daily basis, I was just wondering if anyone has had anything similar happen whether with a medical professional, a friend, or even a family member. My apologies if there’s been a thread alrdy dedicated to this and I would love to be redirected to it if so :)

But just hoping we can finally break the stigma that it isn’t just wealthy, thin, teenage girls that deal with this.

[Other] low calorie ice cream on sale (UK)
/u/aha98 [160cm CW: ~129lbs LW: ~115lbs GW: 105lbs F]
Created: Mon Nov 12 08:07:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wer6w/low_calorie_ice_cream_on_sale_uk/
halo top is on sale in Tesco (£3.5), Iceland (£3.5), Morrison’s (£3) and sainsburys (£3.5) and breyers delights is on sale in Morrisons (£2.5), Waitrose (£2.5) and sainsburys (£3)!!!!

Oh and you guys should try Jude’s low calorie salted caramel ice cream(£4.5) I’m on love lol

Decided to get better and got worse instead
Created: Mon Nov 12 08:01:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wepmk/decided_to_get_better_and_got_worse_instead/
A little while ago I decided that I was faking everything and I could just focus on eating right. I guess it was imposter syndrome in full swing. I decided I didn't really have a problem, that I was pretending to myself and I'd really find it easy to eat now I'd accepted it. Except the eating healthy amounts never started, in fact I became more restrictive than ever.

I felt I no longer had to worry about what my friends thought because I was fine. So I could stop even making token efforts to eat while out with them. Leading to more accusations of an eating disorders even than usual but it was okay because I was actually fine. They had the problem.

It's scary because I always thought deep down there was this way out and that once I really had had enough I could just choose for this to be all over like some hobby I grew tired of. Then coming to know that the exit door I always counted on never existed is quite a severe realisation. This is really my life and the choice I thought I had isn't there. The door I thought I would walk out of instead slammed into my face and broke my nose.

triggered by 'recovered' anorexics who still look super thin
/u/ifuckpineapples [5'3" | cw:105.8 | bmi: 18.7 | F | 24]
Created: Mon Nov 12 07:55:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wentg/triggered_by_recovered_anorexics_who_still_look/
please tell me if any of you deal with this because it lowkey makes me feel like an asshole.

i was watching SS vs SS and got to season7 ep 1, i think this is the season where they bring on 'emma', a recovered anorexic and journalist, to investigate anorexia related stuff between the regular show. and she looks so fucking small. like, so thin her head looks too big for her body. and i have to watch her talk about how harmful restrictive eating is and how she's against proana websites? while she looks no more than 95 pounds? fuck off. just makes me feel like theres no way shes fully recovered and still underweight, or that she is recovered but is jut now naturally skinny and hate it anyways.

ive seen this a few times on insta too and it triggers me every time. tell me im not alone in hating this trope?

[Discussion] Stopping calorie tracking
/u/CalmConcern [175cm/5'9"|53.4kg/117.8lbs|17.4 |F]
Created: Mon Nov 12 07:50:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wemlb/stopping_calorie_tracking/
Hello fellow comrades! After religiously tracking everything I put into my body for almost 100 days (according to MFP, and it was honestly awful, before a long haul flights I scoured the internet for an inflight menu so I could save the items before I boarded so I could track), I’ve decided to stop tracking completely.

Decided to stop when I started realising exceeding or not reaching my daily calorie goal would sometimes cause me to binge when I wasn’t hungry in the first place. It’s a little difficult at the moment since I roughly know the calorie amounts of most of my meals, but I suppose I’ve saved loads of time not weighing every goddamn thing. I only weigh my main protein sources so I know I’m getting enough for the day, because health is wealth amirite?

I was wondering if anyone has done the same and how did it affect your progress/mental health/lifestyle?

[Thinspo] favourite celebs for male thinspo?
/u/throoaweigh [5'7 | fat | 22lbs down | FtM]
Created: Mon Nov 12 07:46:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9welh7/favourite_celebs_for_male_thinspo/
i've been rewatching tons of drag race recently, but i realised that i was only doing it to look at raja, alaska or violet. they're all tall as fuck so i know realistically i'll never look like them, but goddamn are they effective thinspo lmao. i've been thinking about it a lot, though, and i realised i don't have a lot of thinspo celebrities, probably because being rail-thin isn't exactly the media ideal for guys.

so it got me interested in looking for some, cause a bitch likes a challenge! who do y'all use?

Weekend woes
Created: Mon Nov 12 07:32:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wehh7/weekend_woes/
I got rid of our old analog scale today because I need an exact reading for my obsessive weighing. It said I was FIVE POUNDS fatter than I thought I was, which was finally not considered “overweight” with a normal BMI for once. NOPE.

And then my well meaning husband put my tummy holding-in jeans in the dryer making them too small.

I could die. I’m a fat monster who all the village children will run from. 😩

How was y’alls weekend?

How do you deal with Amenorrhea?
/u/cold_melon [5'7'' | cw110.8 | bmi 17.4 | 23F]
Created: Mon Nov 12 07:28:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wegcs/how_do_you_deal_with_amenorrhea/
Despite wanting to be a small little stick, I don't want to lose my period. It feels wrong in my soul. I want children someday. My last period, was late and very light. My period this month consisted of the lightest spotting for a few hours, then no more. I would like to nip this before it becomes a thing.

I know the simple solution would be to eat more food. Harder said than done, but it's something I will definitely be trying.


A paradox: I don't want to ruin my body while ruining my body.


Does anyone recommend certain trusted supplements? Any veggies or root veggies I should be loading up on?


[Other] Avoid Skin Problem by Changing these 5 Eating Habits
Created: Mon Nov 12 07:27:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9weg1w/avoid_skin_problem_by_changing_these_5_eating/

[Rant/Rave] Honest calorie tracking solves all mysteries!
/u/saltsplendasriracha [5'7"| CW 121 | GW 113 | +8 | F]
Created: Mon Nov 12 06:30:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9we0iy/honest_calorie_tracking_solves_all_mysteries/
Two days ago I looked at my MFP from my LW days and realized exactly what I'm doing wrong now. So I've tracked calories for two days and I feel so POWERFUL! Honestly I don't even care about how I look in the mirror right now because I know that \~this\~ is not what I will look like in two weeks. Thanks to MFP and Bronkaid.

Hope yall have a great week.

[Discussion] What apps would you like to see?
/u/ribbet-the-rabbit [168cm| ??kg| ]
Created: Mon Nov 12 06:18:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wdxq1/what_apps_would_you_like_to_see/
Recently I’ve been learning iOS developing to stop my focus on food and bingeing. I was wondering is there any app that is not on the market that you wish was? It can be to help your ed or not related at all.. I’ve been making stuff to fill the time and boredom

[Discussion] Best Netflix thinspo?
Created: Mon Nov 12 06:14:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wdwr0/best_netflix_thinspo/
So I don't tend to go to Netflix specifically to find thinspo but sometimes watching things I can't help but think about it.

For me Chilling Adventures of Sabrina was great thinspo, like damn I want to look as good as Sabrina does in that wedding/dark baptism dress and I have a weird thing for her collarbones.

Anyone got any other shows/characters they think about like this?

[Help] What are some things that ACTUALLY distract you from eating?
/u/orthoreXXX [23F | 5’4” | cw 110.6 | gw 99 | bmi 19.4]
Created: Mon Nov 12 06:02:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wdtr3/what_are_some_things_that_actually_distract_you/
Watching TV makes me want food, writing makes me want food, doing nothing at all makes me want food.

The only thing I’ve found that actually distracts me from eating is playing video games (and not all of them. Playing sims makes me really want food but playing skyrim/red dead redemption makes me completely forget about food)

Anyone have any tips??

[Help] My boyfriend (19) keeps triggering my (20) eating disorder
Created: Mon Nov 12 05:36:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wdnsg/my_boyfriend_19_keeps_triggering_my_20_eating/
My boyfriend also has an eating disorder, but it seems to have developed only in the last few months. He's not really knowledgeable about EDs, just that the psychiatrists and family have told him that he has a lot of symptoms ie. Restriction, meal skipping, intrusive thoughts about food and weight. I've told him twice throughout our 4 month relationship about my eating disorder, but he never makes any comments regarding it, even if I haven't eaten for 3 days. He once even complimented my weight loss knowing full well the cause, though I believe that to be obliviousness of his comments rather than malice.

He is very reliant on me through mental struggles, and he often says passing comments like "I'm not eating dinner tonight" "I've eaten too much today" "I look so fat, I wish I could stop eating"

Every time I hear something like this i feel this spike of anxiety, and its like this mental wall comes up over the hunger and I can't eat. There are a lot of stresses for both of us, and I need to be there for him or I know he will spiral, but I'm feeling more stressed and restricting more as this goes on.

I know I should talk to him about this, but every time i think about doing it I feel like I'll have a panic attack and I don't know what to do.

[Discussion] DAE panic even when ordering the healthiest options in case of hidden calories?
Created: Mon Nov 12 05:22:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wdks9/dae_panic_even_when_ordering_the_healthiest/
So I went out for lunch with my mother and grandmother on Saturday, as my mother wanted to treat me. I ordered the lowest calorie item on the menu (tomato soup) but still felt panicky all afternoon in case they'd used cream (the HORROR) in the soup as well as just vegetables.
It's so frustrating that I can't even enjoy a nice treat out with my family as unless I've personally made the food or been involved in making it, I get really stressed about what might have been in it and whether it's secretly double the calories I'd allowed for it.
Does anyone else find this?

Weekly Stats Update! November 12, 2018
Created: Mon Nov 12 05:13:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wdis5/weekly_stats_update_november_12_2018/
This is the weekly status thread for November 12, 2018.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:


Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

Daily Food Diary! November 12, 2018
Created: Mon Nov 12 05:13:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wdire/daily_food_diary_november_12_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for November 12, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Goal] i am so very happy
Created: Mon Nov 12 04:44:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wdco2/i_am_so_very_happy/
i reached 132 pounds today! i only have 17 more to go to reach my first goal, and ive already lost 27 pounds, so its like nothing! i discovered energy drinks and their A. caffeine and B. their 0 calories and i got past a 3 week plateau. i could really cry!

[Discussion] Has anyone tried this gum?
Created: Mon Nov 12 04:42:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wdcdh/has_anyone_tried_this_gum/

[Goal] New goal
/u/MellowMelly [170cm(5'7) | 70kg (155 lbs) | BMI: 24.2 :(]
Created: Mon Nov 12 04:36:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wdb8u/new_goal/
I finally have a new goal. Next year in May we're going on holiday (to the beach) with the company I work for. I hope this helps me to restrict. My last goal was my tattoo appointment but I only had time of 1 week, so I only lost 3lbs, and after the appointment I ate alot so.. yeah.. I'm afraid to know my current weight. I hope I can lose around 22 lbs until May (BMI 20,7 then) but it's not gonna happen LOL. What are your goals?

I just want to stop eating and not bother with food, because once I start eating it can always end in a binge (But I hate being dizzy and cold.). And to be honest, I binge more than I restrict and I wouldn't even restrict if I hadn't gained weight from bingeing. (sry for my bad english)

[Discussion] Plateauing is affecting my mental health
Created: Mon Nov 12 04:26:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wd94g/plateauing_is_affecting_my_mental_health/
I had progress going pretty steadily but I cant seem to break myself out of this 130's funk. I know its my own fault for not watching my calorie intake more. How do you guys handle not being able to get out of a weight range? (Not asking for tips/etc just confiding/ranting)

[Rant/Rave] Anyone else have days where they feel like they’re cured?
/u/4gotmyfuckinpassword [172cm | HW: 68kg | CW: 66kg | GW: 56kg | 20F]
Created: Mon Nov 12 04:16:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wd758/anyone_else_have_days_where_they_feel_like_theyre/
Not like “oh I ate today and that was hard! Go me!”

But like legitimately feel like you recovered? Like that your mindset is all “I’m going to be healthy! I care about my body! I love myself!”

And like you’re totally convinced you’re back to normal and that you can eat healthy and have a normal relationship with food until you fucking realize

Telling yourself you’re going to lose weight the healthy way by eating 1,200 and going to the gym every day is just trading one form of the eating disorder for another.

Telling yourself that you’re better now and cured but you’re still not going to eat today/tomorrow because you binged all weekend is a fucking lie because you’re still not healthy OR NORMAL.

What the fuck is up with me?? How bad can this cognitive dissonance get istg all this happened in the span of like 10 minutes and now I’m back to where I started. Not that I especially left. 🙄🙄🙄

[Rant/Rave] Sometimes I feel like such a fraud.
/u/ribbet-the-rabbit [168cm| ??kg| ]
Created: Mon Nov 12 03:53:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wd2w4/sometimes_i_feel_like_such_a_fraud/
Sorry for spamming this sun reddit but there is something I want to get off my chest. I’ve never been diagnosed with anorexia or any ed related disorders. I’m still under 18 and I told my parents about my unhealthy relationship with food and body image but they don’t believe and don’t think it’s serious enough to find a doctor/therapist. My bmi is still in the overweight range and my parents don’t think it’s possible. They are kinda old and not well educated when it comes to mental health. Every time I try to tell them they think it’s a joke. Tbh I struggled a lot with food ever since before puberty. I remember scoffing down 6 bananas in a row at some point when I was like eight simply from boredom. That’s just one example but yea I never really learnt what a healthy relationship is. Also I don’t want to go to a therapist or tell any one because I have bad anxiety when it comes to health professionals. Sorry for the rant :(

[Discussion] Does anyone here actually want big boobs?
/u/ribbet-the-rabbit [168cm| ??kg| ]
Created: Mon Nov 12 03:47:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wd1rh/does_anyone_here_actually_want_big_boobs/
So a couple days ago I asked about everyone’s bra size and bmi and I noticed a lot of the comments were upset because they were bigger chested.

I’m scared of losing my boobs as I lose weight. There’s this girl at my school who is about the same height as me but like 20kgs lighter with a much prettier face but she is flat chested. This is a really fucked up way of thinking but if I lose 20kg and retain my boobs at least I’ll be better than her in some regard.. I’m sorry it sounds soo messed.

/u/aha98 [160cm CW: ~129lbs LW: ~115lbs GW: 105lbs F]
Created: Mon Nov 12 03:42:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wd0t1/guys_look_what_i_found_in_sainsburys_today/

[Rant/Rave] Just when I think I’ve got everything under control!
/u/ziyal79 [155cms | 74kg | 31 | 0 | Female]
Created: Mon Nov 12 03:35:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wczk9/just_when_i_think_ive_got_everything_under_control/
Everything in my life is a dog’s breakfast. I am not kidding! I’m potentially facing homelessness because I’m at the end of my lease, and I can’t find anywhere else to live due to the extremes competitiveness of the rental market. I’m on the list for public housing and that could take actual years. I’ve gone back to study because I need distraction and something else to focus on. On top of this, my weight is the highest it has ever been.

I feel like the only solution is to enforce a pattern on myself where I have to exercise every day and fast two to three days per week because the weight loss isn’t coming. Adding to this mess, I’m slowly weaning off seroquel. If everything else was stable, I’d probably be able to handle ONE of these things, but somehow I’ve decided to handle them all in combination and to fail at any of these will just remind me that I’m a stupid, fat waste of space.

Good times!

[Rant/Rave] Sooo, had to go to the Dr's today
/u/katiegoodluck [171cm | 52.1kg | BMI: 17.8 | 23kgs lost | Female ]
Created: Mon Nov 12 03:33:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wcz3s/sooo_had_to_go_to_the_drs_today/
Because the good ol anxiety/depression combo is back. I got asked what my height weight was, told her, and what she bloody said next was...
"oh, did you know that you have a very low bmi?"
"You don't look like it. Are you sure those measurements are right?"

Fuuuuuck offffff. Really?!
So pissed. Especially because I was there for mental health reasons!

[Rant/Rave] Even at my GW, I’ll still be ugly
/u/coffidu [21, M, bulimic | BMI 19.8 | 12/40lbs lost]
Created: Mon Nov 12 03:24:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wcxft/even_at_my_gw_ill_still_be_ugly/
I’ll admit, I’m usually one of those people who imagines that their life will ~magically~ improve once they’re at their GW - I’ll be confident, I’ll be able to wear any clothes I like, my anxiety/agoraphobia will improve and I’ll be able to leave the house, I’ll have friends, etc. But the one thing I know *won’t* improve is my appearance. I’ll always be ugly.

I know I’m one of the few people who’s *genuinely* ugly because I’ve been tormented for it my whole life. Starting when I was 5 I was bullied for my appearance, to the point I had surgery on my nose to fix a birth mark aged 6. (Surgery didn’t help, by the way - it left a huge scar that’s *still* noticeable.)

I’m also so ugly that people have never been able to tell what gender I am. I’m transgender - FtM - so I was raised female, and I presented as such until I was 15. Yet even as a little girl, I was frequently read as male due to how ugly my features are. Nowadays I’m just a short, stumpy, genderless mess who makes people uncomfortable because they can’t tell if they’re looking at a man or a woman.

My appearance is one of the things that makes me suicidal because no matter how much I try to tell myself that appearance doesn’t matter, every day society pushes the opposite: all that matters in life is how gorgeous you look, and everyone else you see is absolutely stunning. You’re ugly, you’re worthless. You deserve to die.

It just makes me sad that although I’m generally looking forward to being at my GW, I know it’s not going to change the fact that I’m fundamentally ugly. I’ll be skinny... but I’ll never look normal.

That just breaks my heart.

(I know this probably won’t be relatable to anyone here - hell, I’ve seen the selfie threads, everyone here’s beautiful - and that it’s only marginally related to my ED, I just needed somewhere to vent. Not having a great morning.)

Weird thing that happened 2 weeks ago
Created: Mon Nov 12 03:19:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wcwex/weird_thing_that_happened_2_weeks_ago/
I went on a field trip and hadn’t eaten for breakfast or lunch, in the afternoon I thought I was dying. I was dizzy, vision was a bit blurry, just weird. I bought water so I wasn’t dehydrated. I just find this weird because I haven’t eaten breakfast or lunch multiple times before so idk why on my field trip it started hurting the most?

I was walking a lot, we were in Times Square. I’m thinking that’s why but I still don’t know.

[Rant/Rave] One of those days
/u/Ardental [5'0 |CW 101.8| BMI 19| -30lbs | 22 Female]
Created: Mon Nov 12 03:15:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wcvlf/one_of_those_days/
Wake up. Weigh self. Realise I am so close to being under 100lbs for the first time in my adult life.

Cry because I am still a fat mess.
Cry because no matter what number is on the scale I will still be a fat mess.

Self harm. Cry because it feels pathetic.

Cry because I've cried so much. Yeah. One of those days

Something i hate about my new job
Created: Mon Nov 12 03:08:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wcu9e/something_i_hate_about_my_new_job/
First full time job in nearly 2 years, yay!

Its factory work and even though ive massively slipped up on my dieting due to new job and breaking up with bf im still losing weight.

I work in the uk and in my factory theres a lot of eastern European people working there (theres only maybe 4 other english people in the whole factory) and they are TINY. so thin and small but still manage to have bigger boobs than me.

Theres tables around to help with packing and everywhere is such a tight space i cant fit my fat ass through anything but they all get around easily. I cant work as quickly im squeezing through everywhere.

I feel fucking disgusting

[Goal] It takes 21 days to break a habit. Anybody want to join me?
/u/frankxcastle [5'4 | CW: 123 | HW: 160 | F]
Created: Mon Nov 12 03:08:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wcu5i/it_takes_21_days_to_break_a_habit_anybody_want_to/
It's time to take back control of our EDs, even if its just breaking one small habit. I'm going to try and stop binge-eating and purging. A big task, but I'm confident I can do it this time. I don't want to end 2018 in a worse place than before. This can still be a year full of success.

Anyone care to join me for 21 days? What habit will you break?

i need inspiration
Created: Mon Nov 12 02:13:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wcj2b/i_need_inspiration/
i want to stop eating but i can’t. i don’t take anything to school to eat but when i come home it doesn’t even matter bc i’ll just eat everything i would’ve eaten. i’m sick of this cycle - waking up thinking i’m finally going to stop eating then eating and feeling so guilty about.

[Rant/Rave] Crying at Applebee's- A Classic ED Adventure
/u/Lunar_Heart [5'2" | 81lbs | BMI: 15-something | -?lbs| f]
Created: Mon Nov 12 01:49:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wce9v/crying_at_applebees_a_classic_ed_adventure/
Today, my grandmother invited me, my brother, and my mother to lunch, because none of us had seen her in a while and we're a pretty tight-knit bunch, so a visit was due.

Shoulda been nice, right?

"Nope," my disordered eating cried gleefully, "that should *not* be nice!"

I didn't even make it ordering *food* without breaking down.

The choice between iced tea and diet pepsi was too much more the anorexic-anxiety cocktail that is my frazzled brain.

I was full-on sobbing at the table in a busy restaurant.

Now, my whole family is in the know about my ED. I've had multiple hospitalizations since the age of 14 that let the cat right out of the bag, but none of the strangers side-eyeing me, I'm certain, could fathom why this strangling was in hysterics, fanning herself and dabbing at her eyes like a Victoria lady who'd just heard her husband died in an accident at the factory, in the middle of a damned Applebee's.

I'll take "critical blows to my self-esteem for 1000," Alex.

[Rant/Rave] Crying at Applebee's- a classed ED adventure
/u/Lunar_Heart [5'2" | 81lbs | BMI: 15-something | -?lbs| f]
Created: Mon Nov 12 01:48:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wce30/crying_at_applebees_a_classed_ed_adventure/
Today, my grandmother invited me, my brother, and my mother to lunch, because none of us had seen her in a while and we're a pretty tight-knit bunch, so a visit was due.

Shoulda been nice, right?

"Nope," my disordered eating cried gleefully, "that should *not* be nice!"

I didn't even make it ordering *food* without breaking down.

The choice between iced tea and diet pepsi was too much more the anorexic-anxiety cocktail that is my frazzled brain.

I was full-on sobbing at the table in a busy restaurant.

Now, my whole family is in the know about my ED. I've had multiple hospitalizations since the age of 14 that let the cat right out of the bag, but none of the strangers side-eyeing me, I'm certain, could fathom why some strangling was in hysterics, fanning herself and dabbing at her eyes like a Victoria lady who'd just heard her husband died in an accident at the factory, in the middle of a damned Applebee's.

I'll take "critical blows to my self-esteem for 1000," Alex.

[Rant/Rave] I wish I knew how to take a compliment
Created: Mon Nov 12 01:21:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wc8rr/i_wish_i_knew_how_to_take_a_compliment/
I’ve been seeing this guy and compared to my last guy he gives a lot more compliments. And they seem like sincere compliments too whether it’s about my brain or body or face but I’m so awkward or go full out denial mode when he says anything. He called me out about it later on text tonight saying that when he compliments me I stare into the void. Or worse I’ll start making comments about how I’m disgusting and ugly. It’s like self SHUT UP you’re showing such a fucked up thing that only hurts you esp since I’m in recovery and no negative self talk is so important to progress.

So I make things worse by putting myself soooo down and I don’t even want to do this since letting someone I’ve been seeing for 2 months hear how I view myself and my body so lowly is far too intimate. I just ugh why can’t I just function without being a freak

Sometimes wonder if my gf would love me more if I wasn't fat.
Created: Mon Nov 12 00:59:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wc4ik/sometimes_wonder_if_my_gf_would_love_me_more_if_i/
I am super new to reddit so I'm probably gonna fuck this up as I do with most things but I've recently started dating my best friend and I'm struggling with the idea that she might not be super physically attracted to me even if she loves me emotionally very much. She's never made derogatory comments about my weight and has definitely dated guys with my build in the past, but always seems to lose attraction to them over time. I worry if I don't lose weight quick or look a certain way the spark will fade and I will lose not only my girl friend but also my best friend. I've started really tracking my weight for the first time and I've noticed I'm never really hungry.

I guess the point I'm trying to get to is that I went from eating like 2500 calories a day to closer to 700-800 and I only really eat when it hurts anymore.


I still have a pretty strong oral fixation of I've been maxing out on mints or cough drops, smoking, whatever I can get my hands on.


I'm probably getting in over my head here and I recognize what I'm doing isn't sustainable. I just don't want to lose the one person who has ever made me feel loved to something like my beer belly. Anyway, pour the down votes or hit me with the ban hammer or whatever you reddit people do. God Bless and have a good night.

[Rant/Rave] i’m so stuck in a binge cycle
Created: Mon Nov 12 00:53:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wc3hh/im_so_stuck_in_a_binge_cycle/
i have literally gained all of the weight back from my starting weight within a couple weeks and i’m so discouraged and upset and so how do i comfort myself? FOOD. i really really hope this cycle stops because i will restrict all day and be fine, then night time comes around and i just become a zombie and can’t control myself and eat everything. i wish i could stop.

All hail spaghetti squash
/u/ohmylambda [5'9" | F| CW: 150 | GW: 125| BMI: 21.75 |]
Created: Mon Nov 12 00:30:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wbyqb/all_hail_spaghetti_squash/
Truly an amazing thing I didn't know existed until last night.

Thank you, spaghetti squash, for making me feel like a normal person who eats pasta 💖

[Rant/Rave] Can I just rant about the mess that is myself?
Created: Mon Nov 12 00:22:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wbx4p/can_i_just_rant_about_the_mess_that_is_myself/

Obligatory “Im drunk”.

Ive been Ednos since I was 11, anorexic since I was 14, in and out of recovery and therapy.

Im 26 now, two babies later, Im at the highest weight Ive ever been in my whole life (145 Lbs. Lowest weight ever was 92.4lbs)

I thought for so long I was fine, Ive been resisting bad habits for so long. Eating well, not obsessing. Like a full year of feeling the closest to normal Ive ever felt.

But ONE glance in a shop mirror and it was over. I saw the whale I am. FUCK shop mirrors honestly. Hence the reason I am straight up hammered right now.

I havnt eaten all day, and Im listening to sad music, drinking alone. Snapchatting my poor baby sister who doesn’t deserve to worry about her older sister.

Tomorrow is going to be interesting.

You are all warriors in this world.

Is anyone up and just want to chat? I could use a distraction.
/u/tornessa [5'2"| 107 | 19.6 | F]
Created: Sun Nov 11 23:42:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wbo88/is_anyone_up_and_just_want_to_chat_i_could_use_a/
I’ve been feeling on the edge of becoming hypomanic for over 24 hours (I’m Bipolar II) and I just can’t bring myself to eat. But I’m so hungry and know I would feel a lot better if I ate. It’s really hard to eat alone though and would love to just talk to someone to distract me while I’m eating oatmeal.

We don’t need to talk about anything serious, but I’m open to that if you want to. Just a friendly back and forth would be nice.

[Help] Getting Bronkaid or similar in the EU?
Created: Sun Nov 11 23:34:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wbmmc/getting_bronkaid_or_similar_in_the_eu/
So I'm in the EU where you basically cant get stuff like that. Has any EU resident here ever tried to order them from Ebay? Do you think does sellers are legit?

I feel too old to have an eating disorder
Created: Sun Nov 11 23:34:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wbmge/i_feel_too_old_to_have_an_eating_disorder/
I am 26 years old, 27 next year. I developed an eating disorder like two years ago after I dropped down to <120 lbs. from 220. Binge eating is back. Sometimes I purge but sometimes after having purged a couple times I get too sore/tired. Now I'm just lying here, digesting like a big fat snake. My neck and back and hips hurt from bending over the toilet. I'm too old for this shit.

[Help] When do the hunger pains end?
Created: Sun Nov 11 23:27:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wbkz8/when_do_the_hunger_pains_end/
When does it get a little easier to not eat my stomach aches and my mood is very agitated due to lack of food I need to be skinny and I’m not stopping anytime soon I just feel like I can’t keep it up and I’ll binge really bad I’ve gotta get it under better control!!!

I feel absolutely awful admitting this but here I am
Created: Sun Nov 11 23:18:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wbj1f/i_feel_absolutely_awful_admitting_this_but_here_i/
So this year I was the new girl at my school. And the first week, I made friends with this girl in my science class. We were pretty good friends, but we never had much in common and she always made me feel sort of shitty. Anyways a lot of times she’d make little off hand comments about my body. I’m like 5’6 and 115, she’s like 5’4 and probably 150? Anyways.

Last month, her ex boyfriend killed himself and her new boyfriend dumped her. Obviously that’s an awful lot for somebody to handle, and she started posting some really suicidal stuff to her private story. I was really worried, so I showed it to the school counselor. I knew that my friend would be livid if she found out I snitched but I thought it was the right thing to do

Anyways. 3 days go by. Then, without saying a word to me, she blocks me on EVERYTHING. I guess she found out. Then I hear from some other people that she’s posting on her public insta story (with 900 followers!!!) that I am a slut and the reason her boyfriend broke up with her is because he was fucking me. Y’all. I’ve only kissed one guy and I’ve never had sex.

So now I’m the new girl and the slut. I see her tomorrow. I’m not looking forward to it. But this is giving me such motivation to starve. She always mentioned my body, and said she was jealous. If I’m a slut now at least I won’t be a fat slut

Thanks for reading if you got this far. Damn I hate life rn

[Help] What happened to Thinspo?
Created: Sun Nov 11 23:14:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wbi5u/what_happened_to_thinspo/
Idk if I've been blocked from it or what, but I can't find it. (the subreddit)

I didn't post anything creepy or break any rules. Heck l, the only comment I've posted about it was "Wow!". Did it get deleted? Anyone else have this happen? I heard they were going private and I was excited, but now I can't see it..

For real this time . . .
Created: Sun Nov 11 23:08:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wbglu/for_real_this_time/
I've hard restricted before, and I can do it again. I have to. I have to, I have to, I have to.

The holidays are coming up, and I can't have my family seeing me like the fat pig I am. I'm so much bigger than everyone else in my family. I hate it.

I need to lose at least 5 pounds in the next two weeks. That's doable, I think. I can do it. I have to.

Who else is prepping for the holidays?

[Rant/Rave] I am a waste of space
Created: Sun Nov 11 23:00:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wber0/i_am_a_waste_of_space/
I promised myself under 750 until Christmas and I've done it easily until today when I ate nearly 1400. It's the most triggering thing in the world that my calorie counting app congratulated me for eating at my goal (lowest possible was 1400) instead of telling me that I urgently need to eat more, I feel like I am never ever going to reach my goal and without it I am nothing. If I'm not losing weight I don't think I can live with myself. I can't tell what I look like, it changes every time I see myself. I don't even eat less than my mom. I was at 500, then I binged on apricots and naan bread?? I want to fucking die. Everyone in my life sees me as a fat fuck and if I'm not making progress I can't live with that. My thighs barely gap at the top blobs and I'm obsessed with looking at that sliver in every reflective service and intensifying my self hatred at every opportunity. I literally want to kill myself when I see my pathetic excuse for a though gap and the fact that I look like a mid-healthy bmi. Please fucking kill me

120.8lbs couple days ago, no scale rn

I just cut myself for the first time in years
/u/ImMissBrightside [5'2" | cw: 93 | gw: 90| 23f]
Created: Sun Nov 11 22:40:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wbabd/i_just_cut_myself_for_the_first_time_in_years/
i love how it feels. i still cringe seeing the wound...I forgot how much it hurts but that makes it better. i deserve it for not being skinny enough. not being pretty enough. I want to be weak and tiny. I want my face to look miserable and sickly.

it makes me feel giddy seeing my blood drip on the floor. That came from me! Don't I need that to live? and yet it's all pouring out of me. Maybe it'll all leak out, and ill just crumple and die.

I havent eaten anything today. I feel like I might pass out. If I fall, I hope it hurts. I hope I hit something on the way down and wake up crying cause it hurts so much.

[Discussion] Anyone else dread meeting up with their friends for fear of binging?
Created: Sun Nov 11 22:39:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wba7v/anyone_else_dread_meeting_up_with_their_friends/
Without fail I end up binging everytime we hang out 💀. They always end up convincing my weak ass with with, "Oh it won't be fun if you don't eat/ It's just one day!!!" I'm so weak willed when it comes to rejecting food and once I eat one thing I go absolutely crazy and can't stop myself. I feel so disgusted with myself right now urghhhh.

Anyone Successfully Beat BED with Cutting/Bulking Cycles?
Created: Sun Nov 11 22:28:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wb7oz/anyone_successfully_beat_bed_with_cuttingbulking/
I'm looking for any success stories out there for people who successfully beat the whole binge and then restrict heavily cycle. For me it started out as losing weight. I got into fasting and then that turned into me binging once my fast ended. Which then caused me to uncontrollably eat for a month and gain 30lbs. I finally am getting close back down to my original goal weight through hardcore extended fasts. My mind is in the right place now, I don't want to make the same mistake again and binge my whole life away. My whole intention of losing weight was so I could bulk up and gain muscle (I'm a guy) but it's turned into this vicious cycle of me reaching my goal and then me self sabotaging everything.


Has anyone here actually beaten this and gotten on with their lives? I don't know how to eat normal anymore. It's like I either eat 5000 calories or I eat nothing, I can't wrap my head around this. Thanks

[Other] I’m on the edge of wanting recovery but I always back out
/u/throwawayyolonot [5'4"| 26F]
Created: Sun Nov 11 22:27:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wb7eq/im_on_the_edge_of_wanting_recovery_but_i_always/
Sorry for the dumb description but I always consider recovery but I always think to myself—no I can’t. Look at how much I’ve accomplished—I’ll ruin everything.

It’s so dumb.

My ED splits me from who I am yet it makes me feel like this is who I am—what I’ll need, what I’ll be.

I’m sick but I’m not sick. I feel so strong but so close to collapse. Logical thoughts live side by side with my ED thoughts. My dreams and wishes have become shallow and it doesn’t make sense.

Sad rant.

[Rant/Rave] This is why I eat alone. Also titled: Families are wonderful.. and sometimes they suck
Created: Sun Nov 11 22:27:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wb7du/this_is_why_i_eat_alone_also_titled_families_are/
Mom just came close to my food. Like an inch away typa close. Bent her head down, so “she could see” what I was eating. What. The. Fuck. Pardon my French. Back the fuck up; who does that? Apparently boundaries mean nothing. I broke my fast on pancakes. And she (I’m not even exaggerating; not even a little bit), bent down an inch away from my food, because she couldn’t “see what I was eating”. What. The. Fuck.
This is why I eat alone. Don’t make comments about my food and respect my boundaries. Is that hard? I guess that’s hard. This. Is. Why. I. Eat. Alone.

I'm back! (again) (also this is going to be a ridiculously long post so I'm sorry in advance)
/u/sweettutu64 [5'3 | -51.4 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Nov 11 22:27:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wb7ck/im_back_again_also_this_is_going_to_be_a/
well it's been a few months since I've posted on here! but I'm back and feel worse than ever :) I was in therapy since February, and decided to move to Maryland in September! the last few sessions my therapist and I discussed how much progress I had made and I genuinely thought I'd never be back. but uh, the moment life gets shitty I guess I just resort to the unhealthy coping mechanisms we all know so dearly.

I've gained 20 lbs since moving here, I got off the pill because I thought it was contributing to my depressive episodes so my periods are all irregular and I'm getting cramps and mood swings that I've never experienced before. my ex and I broke up late July and that sort of was the catalyst for me to realize that I should do what makes me happy and I wanted to move to the mountains. and I am happy here! but I'm beyond stressed out. I had a friend that lived here and we became roommates and moved to a new place on the 1st and we haven't had heat or hot water since. it's been a nightmare dealing with the property management company and I'm so over all the stress. I have a new partner and despite the fact that we're both consenting adults, his dad is driving me insane and we aren't allowed to spend alone time together because he still lives under his dad's roof and apparently I'm a horrible mistake that's going to ruin his life because I'm not a Christian.

it's just so much and I can't handle it. I can feel all my clothes being tighter and I am bulging out everywhere. I want to tear my hair out and pull off all of my skin and I just feel like my body is not my own. I took an EC stack today again for the first time in over a year, despite how shitty it makes me feel and I didn't even care! I'm just so over everything and restricting feels like it'll be the only thing I'll have control over. I want to disappear and I want my body to look as shitty as I feel. I want to be emaciated because I feel so hollow inside. here we go again, I guess.

[Discussion] Anyone else sleep way more when fasting?
Created: Sun Nov 11 22:25:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wb6zk/anyone_else_sleep_way_more_when_fasting/
Just accidentally slept 11 hours straight during a 36 hour fast. Not sure how or why, but maybe my sleeping pills were affecting me more because I went to bed on an empty stomach? Does anyone else get better sleep when they’re hungry?

i’m never eating again
Created: Sun Nov 11 22:23:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wb6k9/im_never_eating_again/
i literally just want to see and feel my body waste away. i want to have the mental and physical pain of my body starving. it’s the best feeling ever and no one understands. i hope i can stop eating forever

[Rant/Rave] I have no idea how to eat healthily
Created: Sun Nov 11 22:14:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wb4df/i_have_no_idea_how_to_eat_healthily/
My relationship with food is so awful, I don't know what normal is anymore. I'm trying to hard to just eat "normally" but that's apparently impossible for me now. My nutrition is so beyond screwed, my diet makes no sense.

I've become fucking addicted to sugar and I'm too much of a bitch to stop myself from eating it, so I'll just go and eat my day's calories in sugar. My diet for the past week has basically been like a thing of halotop and a little bag of cotton candy every day. I end up feeling like I'm going to pass out half the time, but I don't even know what else I want to eat. I don't want to eat anything. I don't know where to start with making a "healthy" diet, I just know this ain't it.

I thought reddit was glitching for a solid minute. I had to refresh the page.
/u/throwawaysoone [5'2 | FAT | :( | whatever | 22F | 🍑: ananbee]
Created: Sun Nov 11 22:12:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wb3w8/i_thought_reddit_was_glitching_for_a_solid_minute/

Binged real bad tonight because it’s been a rough week tomorrow starts my new “meal plan” I made up for myself
Created: Sun Nov 11 22:04:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wb1sa/binged_real_bad_tonight_because_its_been_a_rough/
Binged...couldn’t purge feel lost and hate my body but this time I’m not gonna binge after tonight only sticking to my new meal plan!!!!

[Rant/Rave] Can’t a girl purge in freakin peace :)))
Created: Sun Nov 11 21:55:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9waznw/cant_a_girl_purge_in_freakin_peace/
I binged so I really want to purge right now but my brothers are still awake and roaming the house and I tried doing it really quick in a trash bag in my room but I feel like I’m too loud and I don’t want anyone to hear me. I feel like one of them might have heard me and I’m so nervous about getting caught :,)

How long did it take for you to lose your first 10 pounds?
Created: Sun Nov 11 21:53:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9waz4d/how_long_did_it_take_for_you_to_lose_your_first/
im 5’3 and 138 and i was wondering how long it will take me to reach 110. And how low should I aim and how long i should workout for? what did u guys do to get ur results and how long did it take u ?
thanks for any help guys

Anyone else find winter / cold weather makes it super difficult to stay in track?
Created: Sun Nov 11 21:52:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9waytx/anyone_else_find_winter_cold_weather_makes_it/
Hey all --

I was super strict with my eating and working out over the summer, probably because I was wearing swimsuits and less/more revealing clothes. Now that it's super cold, though, I'm bundled up in sweaters/coats that are obviously more forgiving, so I'm not as concerned about maintaining a flat stomach, for example. Like, I finally worked out today after skipping for over a month, and I've been very lenient with my diet (normally do no dairy or grains, and very meticulous with calorie counting). It's so hard to keep my resolve with the holidays coming up too. Also my skin sucks in the winter so I just generally feel blah and don't care as much :(((

[Help] Pro ED motivation buddy?
Created: Sun Nov 11 21:10:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9waone/pro_ed_motivation_buddy/
Hey guys! I'm new here. I've been looking at this sub for a while and honestly, I never thought I would post here. I would see people with eating disorders and I wouldn't understand. Why starve yourself and make yourself suffer? Can't you just eat healthy and excersize?

I had that mindset as a thin 13 year old. Who could fit in a size small and my ribs were visible. I'm 15 now. I miss those days

I thought I had confidence. I thought I was fine with my body but I'm not. I ask for ratings (pictures of me on my profile) and yeah, I get conpliments. But there are always those people people tell me what I already know but I don't want to admit. I should lose weight.

I work out 4x a week for hours (I do fencing)
I eat generally healthy

But that's not enough. Because when I get just a little bit of extra money I go out and buy snacks I don't need. (I get weak for goldfish) And when I'm sitting home feeling bored or just the tiniest bit hungry, I eat.

Usually I can stay motivated on a diet but lately I can't. I think it would be easier to have a friend. We can motivate each other to stay strong, talk about what we did eat (or didn't eat) through out the day, and just be friends with a goal.

I hope this kind of post is allowed and thank you so much if you have read it all. If you would like to talk please pm me.

[Rant/Rave] Disposing of stockpiles of snack foods
/u/little_tiny_pumpkin [5'5.5'' | CW 116.2 | BMI 19.0 | HW 136 | LW 90 | 27F]
Created: Sun Nov 11 21:10:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9waole/disposing_of_stockpiles_of_snack_foods/
Just venting, as I binge through my Quest bar stash...

Pros: uhhh my muscles are refueled?
My anxiety is going down as I'm running out of snack foods to have to make decisions on. Pretty soon, I'll only have meal things which, I guess, will only occupy 1-2 meal slots a day and that's easily 500 calories or less. :D

Finished at 1700 today. At least my deficit will be easier tomorrow with no more Quest bars lying around. ;)

It'll be ok, I guess.


ALSO, does anyone else love eating things that irritate your stomach just to make you feel like something is "working"? Like the whole no-pain-no-gain mentality. I equate stomach hurting with hunger, emptiness, or post-laxative it'll-all-be-gone-soon cues so when I do binge, I try to binge on stuff that makes me gurgly lol.


Thanks for listening loves <3

[Other] I cant access the r/thinspo sub anymore...
/u/anxthekitten [5’5.5 | 16F | SW 155lb | CW 141.6lb | UGW 110lb]
Created: Sun Nov 11 21:09:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9waoh6/i_cant_access_the_rthinspo_sub_anymore/
i feel like i can’t post this here but i don’t know who else to ask really. i remember reading something about the r/thinspo going private but tbh i have no idea what that means. i was subbed to it for so long and i was going to post something and it said error when i clicked on the sub. /: just curious on how to or if i can even access it. thanks and i’ll delete this if it isn’t okay for me to post it here.

[Help] What do you do about audible stomach growls?
Created: Sun Nov 11 21:03:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wan2x/what_do_you_do_about_audible_stomach_growls/
When I’m hungry my stomach growls, and sometimes it’s loud!

Is there any way to stop the growling? It’s embarrassing.

[Rant/Rave] Planning my c/s haul at Trader Joe’s
/u/kimboislame [5'1 | CW: 115 | SW: 125 | GW: 105 | 19F]
Created: Sun Nov 11 21:00:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wambd/planning_my_cs_haul_at_trader_joes/
So admittedly I recently discovered c/s and it’s relieved so much of my anxiety of having food in the house and wanting to buy delicious high calorie foods (could never resist buying a damn cookie). With two of my most important midterms coming up this week I’m literally planning the foods I’m going to buy at TraderJoes tomorrow morning to stress eat (chew??). I gained 10 pounds last year just from stress eating during exam season, a habit I can’t seem to kick and I can’t let that happen again.

Going to wake up early and take a long walk with my coffee to my local Trader Joe’s to buy cupcakes, muffins, brownies, cookies and cake to c/s. I’m at the peak of my disorder :)))))))

[Rant/Rave] I didn’t want this to happen. (tw: relapse)
/u/chrysanthemym [🌻 she/her | cw: 145 | gw: 108 🌻]
Created: Sun Nov 11 20:39:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wagv5/i_didnt_want_this_to_happen_tw_relapse/
I didn’t want this to happen. Deep down, I truly didn’t want this to happen. But here I am, a week before thanksgiving, finding myself relapsing back into an eating disorder.

I didn’t want to drive to three different pharmacies just to purchase 60 capsules of Bronkaid. I didn’t want to purchase bone broth, bulk water flavor packets, diet coke, and instant coffee. I didn’t want to start having anxiety about food just less than a week before thanksgiving. But here I am, doing the exact thing I didn’t want to happen. All thanks to an image.

It’s because of [this image](http://i.imgur.com/YsKFskz.jpg) that I relapsed. And even though I keep telling myself I didn’t want this to happen, I find myself feeling that same nostalgic, sickening warm pit in my chest that I missed. Because even though I keep telling myself I didn’t want this to happen, I miss feeling empty, feeling bones, feeling small, ethereal, and most importantly *like myself*.

When I look into the mirror I don’t see myself, I see a fat, floppy lump of a person. I thought I could recover. I thought I could take a stab at Intuitive Eating and not caring about my food and just living life and enjoying family. But I can’t. I can’t. And every time I see that photo I’m reminded of why I can’t.

I didn’t want this to happen, but by god, I’m not recovering this time. I’m not. I can’t stand it. I can’t stand it. I’m not stopping until I reach my goal. I’m not.

[Other] DAE’s main reason to want to be skinny is to be aesthetic?
Created: Sun Nov 11 20:35:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wafxq/daes_main_reason_to_want_to_be_skinny_is_to_be/
I do not care about being more attractive for guys. I do not think that I am an ugly monster that does not look good in anything, but I want to be skinny for myself. Because every time I look at something aesthetically pleasing, it makes me happy, and for me skinny is aesthetically pleasing.

I love wearing clothes that make me stand out, but sadly not everything looks the way I want it to look on me, or how I imagine. One day I wish to be able to wear whatever I want and every time still be able to see myself in the mirror and call myself cute.

Some art I drew that I hope you all like :)
Created: Sun Nov 11 20:27:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wadzw/some_art_i_drew_that_i_hope_you_all_like/

Feel like the elliptical is making my thighs bigger???!
Created: Sun Nov 11 20:16:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wab9e/feel_like_the_elliptical_is_making_my_thighs/
Is this possible? I just want super skinny legs and I thought restricting + using the elliptical for 45 mins a day would help but I seriously feel like my thighs are bulkier.

Should I stop the exercise?? It’s way easier to low restrict without exercising anyway.

This probably sounds crazy but I don’t care about having a toned body.. I just want the look of a thin person who clearly does not work out lol

[Discussion] Am I the only one??
Created: Sun Nov 11 19:59:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wa6q9/am_i_the_only_one/
Anyone else start a binge thinking I'll stop after this but somehow an additional 3,000 calroies later you realize what you've donem

[Discussion] I deleted MFP
Created: Sun Nov 11 19:55:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wa5j7/i_deleted_mfp/
I can’t take it anymore.

I would log onto it constantly. Multiple times a day. Seeing the number of what I logged for the day just gave me unbelievable anxiety that got stronger if I even creeped above 500 or even 400.

It’s for the best. I’m still going to calorie count and watch it and try to keep a mental deficit, but I cannot take that app anymore. I’m done. It’s been nearly a week without it and I feel better.

Guess I Cant trust a fart anymore...
Created: Sun Nov 11 19:51:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wa4ih/guess_i_cant_trust_a_fart_anymore/
So I stared on PGX daily and CLA meta slim... and for the first time I actually shit myself. Thank god i was at home... alone.

But does this mean I cant sleep naked...

Lol has anyone accidentally shit the bed... Ive only ever abused lax before but cramps always wake me up and ive never had a leaky butt hole before???

Sick of the uncontrollable binge phase
Created: Sun Nov 11 19:50:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wa487/sick_of_the_uncontrollable_binge_phase/
Since middle school, I’ve been in the cycle of binge eating for months and gaining a ton of weight, hating my body, then restricting to lose it and hating my life, then binge eating, then restricting... and on and on and fucking on.

Lately I’m in a several-month-long binge phase and I’m finally feeling ready to face it and start losing again, but I’m genuinely anxious about what comes next.

This is the first time I’ve really tried to pay attention to my feelings underneath my eating habits. On some level, I’ve been bingeing because I was just so ridiculously hungry and it got progressively out of control.

On a deeper level that I’m avoiding telling even my therapist, I’m binge eating because I’m severely depressed and it’s one of the only things that gives me energy or motivation. And I think lately it’s also related to finding this weird new comfort in being bigger because I’m not afraid of being hurt or attacked (so basically trauma related, which I’m really only just now realizing as I’m writing this...)

I just want to find my way to a healthier balance. I’m so scared of another restriction phase. I’m scared of the headaches, being dizzy and nauseated all the time, being even more emotionally unregulated than I already am, sleeping terribly, obsessing 24/7 about calorie counts, spending all my time looking at thinspo and reading myproana, missing out on social things because I’m scared of food, and most of all, hating myself.

The truth is that I hate myself so much more when I’m restricting than when I’ve shut off all of my worries during a binge phase. But I just can’t stay on this path. My clothes aren’t fitting, I’m spending so much money on food, I’m completely out of shape, and I’m avoiding people because I don’t want to be seen at a higher weight.

I guess what I’m saying is that both options really suck and I can’t even imagine what a healthy medium looks like. I’ll take advice if anyone wants to offer some, but I mainly just want to say that I’m so sad and anxious and that if anyone else is doing the binge for several months thing, I’m here with you and for you. I feel really alone but I’m hoping I’m actually not.

Guess I cant trust a Fart anymore...
Created: Sun Nov 11 19:47:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wa3je/guess_i_cant_trust_a_fart_anymore/
So I stared on PGX daily and CLA meta slim... and for the first time I actually shht myself. Thank god i was at home... alone.

But does this mean I cant sleep naked.

Lol has anyone accidentally shhht the bed... Ive only ever abused lax before but cramps always wake me up and ive never had a leaky butt hole before???

Created: Sun Nov 11 19:40:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wa1qz/uncertain/
Hey guys,

I think I'm starting to realize some things, but I'm not sure what it is. I'm also not sure if this is the right place to post, so sorry if not.

I've always been extremely self-conscious and I think I've always stress ate or emotionally ate. I've hated the way I looked for as long as I can remember and my eating has...I guess always been disorderly? More so when I started living on my own. I either eat way too much or way too little. I can't stop it. I've started restricting a lot. I'm scared, but it feels good? The number on the scale drops every day and it feels good but it also feels bad and it's also confusing.

I don't know what I'm looking for. Maybe some advice or just thoughts? I also have depression and anxiety and everything is just messy.

Just noticed that the muscle that pops out when I clench my jaw is super small now
/u/kernalmustache [169cm ♀ | CW 105lbs | BMI 16.7 | SW 130lbs 🌸]
Created: Sun Nov 11 19:38:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wa144/just_noticed_that_the_muscle_that_pops_out_when_i/
I know you're not supposed to clench your jaw, but out of curiosity I was doing it in small bursts while looking in the mirror and I almost couldn't even find the muscle on each side of my face. Of course, I can also feel how much weaker the muscles are than they used to be. I'm not even capable of biting down hard enough to hurt myself anymore. I guess that's a good thing? Hopefully that's a good thing.

[Help] What are your go-to zucchini recipes?
/u/msfixir [🍑 21 | F | -16lbs | 5'4" | UGW:98 🍑]
Created: Sun Nov 11 19:37:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9wa106/what_are_your_goto_zucchini_recipes/
I was gifted this [babe](http://imgur.com/gallery/JecR6aJ) by a professor of mine.

I now have like 2 gallons of shredded zucchini plus some extra zucchini not shredded.

What should I do with it?

I want to make zucchini bread but can't find any actually low calorie recipes and I've never made it before.

[Discussion] Logging calories guilt and confusion
/u/ihate-chicken [5’7” | CW:109.5 | 17.09]
Created: Sun Nov 11 19:32:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w9zih/logging_calories_guilt_and_confusion/
So I’ve always looked at my net calories for the day as the calories I’ve consumed/restricted to. I feel as though some people don’t look at net (aka they don’t subtract for exercise) and now I feel super guilty and confused

[Goal] I'm just proud of how well I did today!
/u/robreinerismydad [5’9”| 170 | F | 28]
Created: Sun Nov 11 19:25:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w9xt6/im_just_proud_of_how_well_i_did_today/
After weeks of bingeing due to life stress, I did just really really well today with getting back on track. I knew we were going to see a movie and watch the football game with my SO's family. So I made sure to eat a nutritious lunch beforehand, and log it. After the movie, I ate a Think Thin bar (I normally don't think much of protein bars but I really, really love these. 20 grams protein and it keeps me very very full). Then we went to a bar/restaurant for the football game and I SAID NO TO ALL FOOD THAT WAS OFFERED TO ME! I didn't eat anything greasy, fried, buttery, nothing! And honestly the think thin bar was keeping me full. I just drank diet soda. When I got home, I made a good dinner with rice, chickpeas, and brussel sprouts. Halo top for dessert. Overall \~ 1100 calorie day, which is more than I'd like to do while restricting, but after weeks of really abusing my body, this felt so, so good. I have energy for the first time this week and I'm just feeling good about life.

I'm seriously thinking about joining the goth subculture.
/u/clapyourhandsaywoo [1.58 | 51 | 5 ]
Created: Sun Nov 11 19:16:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w9vgf/im_seriously_thinking_about_joining_the_goth/
My routine and ED related issues are making me suicidal as I haven't been in years. I spent my days laying in bed and looking at the ceiling, crying more often than not, since I lack the motivation to do anything else. I have no one to turn to and being a bit enthusiastic over post punk and coldwave bands is the only thing that's keeping me sane. If I have enough energy, I'll learn about goth history and read goth-themed literature. I won't be able to dress like a goth until I reach adulthood because of my parent's religiousness but I don't mind it because I want to explore the subculture before fully embody it.

Strangely, developing this interest is making me feel more in control of myself. I'm not eating more but I'm able to eat full meals instead of skipping them and binging and purging my daily calories on night time. I'm always dreaming about this skinny, unhealthy looking body but with a pale, clean skin and I figured that I wouldn't accomplish it eating the way I did. This is the first time that I act rationally regarding this disease and I'm honestly proud of myself.

lucky for me!
Created: Sun Nov 11 19:14:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w9uux/lucky_for_me/

fucking hell i enjoyed myself low key for the past two weeks and i learned that a) food is great b) i can't recover just yet
/u/taikutsuu [5'9'' | cw: 119, -33 | 17.2 bmi | gw: 105 | 19f]
Created: Sun Nov 11 19:04:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w9say/fucking_hell_i_enjoyed_myself_low_key_for_the/
i didn't visit this sub for almost two weeks and i'm overwhelmed with ed struggles so girls gotta talk about some shit

my boyfriend is amazing and i just came home after staying at his place for two weeks and we straight up ate fries almost every single day. big salad in the evening, oily dressing and avocado, maybe some oreos, some chips, alcohol. calories were still in the back of my mind somewhere, but as long as i didn't look in the mirror, things were kind of okay. i ate like a maniac in comparison to my usual eating habits, and with all my clothes on, not having pooped in like, days, and water weight on, i weighed in at roughly 5-6 pounds heavier when i got home today. still don't know what to make of it, but i can say with absolute certainty- i love food, and i definitely hate myself.

he is so incredibly supportive of me and my struggle with recovery, but whenever he sees me take a bite less or i make a morbid joke about my eating habits, his face just drops a little bit. not in a "i'm being openly sad to guilt you into eating" kinda way, but you can just see how much he cares and worries for me, because my physical health has been really bad. like, 600 cals a day for a long time and him not playing with my hair during sex in fear of pulling it out level bad.

one time we were eating this delicious pasta carbonara and he said some things that irked me, and my brain's first reaction was to shut down my appetite. he felt so awful for feeling like he took my appetite away, even though what he said wasn't bad at all. it's seriously so fucking awful because he loves me so much and i hate to see him see me like this but when i showered at his place today i had to turn off the light, cried and planned out my calories for the next two weeks. i can't stand to see my body like this and i just want to starve and see myself go to shit again.

guys help

How to work around food when hungry?
Created: Sun Nov 11 19:02:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w9rpn/how_to_work_around_food_when_hungry/
I work in a cafe, and I'm wanting to try fasting for the first part of the day (no breakfast or lunch) for the following week. I've done this on my days off before and it feels great.

But I also work over 40 hours this week. I think I'm going to be exhausted and starving. Does anyone who had worked in the food industry to help me out? How do I cope with hunger and exhaustion while working?

[Discussion] DAE use a scale that measures body fat?
Created: Sun Nov 11 18:59:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w9qzg/dae_use_a_scale_that_measures_body_fat/
I just got a FITINDEX scale off amazon ($26) and when you use it with the app it sends other info like body fat % through Bluetooth. Idk how accurate it is but now it’s given me a new goal of lowering my % on top of lowering the lbs. wooooh 😂

[Rant/Rave] Getting ads for laxatives
/u/cervidaes [5’4 | CW: n o | GW: 125 | UGW: 105]
Created: Sun Nov 11 18:55:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w9pt4/getting_ads_for_laxatives/
Lately I’ve relapsed and been not eating enough after years of recovery and although I used to have bad bulimia and abused laxatives and purged a lot, even though I’ve been eating well under 900 cals per day lately I told myself I won’t go back to bulimia behaviors like that .... but it’s been on my mind as a tempting thing. Suddenly I start getting a bunch of ads for laxatives. So fuck, I guess I’m gonna go buy some and hello again bulimia!!!

Not to mention I told my boyfriend I don’t want to eat dinner today and he just shrugged and said okay if I don’t want to eat that’s fine

I kind of wish someone or something in my life wouldn’t enable my behaviors but it’s so easy for me to go back to full ED mode that it’s fucking ridiculous, even my phone is telling me to. Fuck

how do you cope with PMS
/u/bmalaur [5'4" | 24F | HW: 127 | CW: 103 | LW: 85]
Created: Sun Nov 11 18:49:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w9och/how_do_you_cope_with_pms/
the bloating & body dysmorphia make me want to kill myself.

i have an IUD and am tempted to go on hormonal BC just so I can make this stop.

[Other] when u end up eating more than initially planned so u have to go on the walk of shame 👉🏼😎👉🏼
/u/crossdressingcarp [5’10 | 21f | cw: 🐘 | 🍑🐻]
Created: Sun Nov 11 18:49:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w9oca/when_u_end_up_eating_more_than_initially_planned/

i wish i never learned how to binge
Created: Sun Nov 11 18:46:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w9nhm/i_wish_i_never_learned_how_to_binge/
\*\*very triggering for bulimia\*\*



now every single food i look at or crave feels like a 'freebie' because my brain goes 'well its not like you're going to be digesting it' (i know some of it is absorbed through your stomach while it sits in there but, you know what i mean) i just "learned" how to binge maybe a week and a half ago and now if i can't make it more than 2 days without turning to binge/purging. and now i want to buy foods that i NEVER would have thought to eat like ice cream or chips because 'it all comes up anyway!' im just so disappointed in myself

[Discussion] DAE feel ashamed to have a high SW?
Created: Sun Nov 11 18:39:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w9lou/dae_feel_ashamed_to_have_a_high_sw/
I am 5'8 and I started at 249 a little over 3 weeks ago. I am now at 239. Most people say I don't look my weight, they think I look more like 190.

I see most people with SWs of 170 and less and it just makes me feel even worse about myself - just wondering if anyone else is in the same boat.

[Rant/Rave] Bread
Created: Sun Nov 11 18:33:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w9k4y/bread/
It's so annoying but i absolutely cannot control myself around bread or crunchy sugary desserts and it's h o r r i b le. Like, i'll binge on that stuff even though i get no joy out of it and i'm not hungry. I'm not quite sure why. Maybe it's the texture of the food?
In anycase, gum seems to help, but chewing it for hours on end has actually caused my jaw to get a bit screwed up, so i've been trying to cut back.

I Don't Know What To Title This
/u/PinkyOutYo [170cm | CW: 46.8kg | 16.1 | GW: 45 | F]
Created: Sun Nov 11 18:31:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w9jsl/i_dont_know_what_to_title_this/
Tl;Dr not really ED related I just need some help and I didn't know where else to go

Guys, I'm fucked up. I've recently just acknowledged that I belong in r/cripplingalcoholism but I do also belong here. I know that I belong here because I have a fucking eating disorder. It's just that I belong a lot of other places because I am fucked up. I'm an alcoholic. I have Borderline Personality Disorder. My entire personality is a mental illness. I'm not even a proper Borderline because I am the one out of five who can't explain it on abuse. I can't explain my alcoholism or my...bulimia? Anorexia? I don't even know what fucking eating disorder I have anymore. I have grown up in a family where my parents are disgustingly in love with each other and have been for my whole life. I've never suffered abuse of any kind. Except I may have done because CPS (is it CPS in the UK?) thought I was being abused when I was three or four. That confuses me so much. Maybe I was abused? My family have never told me exactly why CPS were involved, all I know is that it was because of men and my dad was investigated. I look and behave like I have Daddy issues but I promise you that my father has been incredible for my whole life. He's never suffered with mental illness so he hasn't necessarily responded to me the way I needed but he never, ever, responded badly.

I'm sorry, guys. This isn't specifically ED related. I'm just losing my fucking shit. I'm so scared of myself. I got made redundant and my last day was Friday and I have a job interview at half 11 tomorrow and yet I'm still up at half 1 waiting for my dad to go to bed so that I can steal a bottle of something from the kitchen. I'm going to go back and add a disclaimer to the the beginning for this. It's just that you guys are the closest I have and the closest that I have ever had to a support network. I know this isn't an ED thing it's just a mental thing. I just didn't know where else to go for help.

Why I'm Here
Created: Sun Nov 11 18:22:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w9hd0/why_im_here/
Hey everyone. I have been suffering from body dysmorphia, anorexia, and now orthorexia for almost 4 years now. I am always so conflicted about whether I should pursue recovery or not, and lately I have been with the encouragement of my boyfriend- however, I discovered today that I weigh 109 pounds, a vast difference from the 89 pounds I weighed a few years ago. I am disgusted with myself. So I'm going to lose 10 extra pounds by going on my preferred diet, the tea diet, for about a week, and then afterwards not eat as much as I have been lately. Working at a Subway restaurant really has not been helping my case, but I quit, so now I can pursue a job in retail or something where I'm not always surrounded by tempting food. Wish me luck everyone!

[Rant/Rave] ate like shit this whole weekend
/u/arthroego [20F 🍄 -44 🍄 36 left]
Created: Sun Nov 11 18:20:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w9gw6/ate_like_shit_this_whole_weekend/
ugh. i just need to scream to the void everything i ate this fucking weekend. cw for mass amounts of shitty junk food.

so idk what started this, mix of seasonal depression kicking back up plus food related obligations with friends And having to eat twice a day bc this fckn antibiotic im on for a UTI. my waist went from 26.8 inches to 29 in 3 days and i havent dared to step on the scale since im also constipated as fuck. im so uncomfortably full and i hate myself. felt like crying all fucking day and 2 guys who have screwed me over in the past walked by me walking back from 7/11 shoving food in my mouth like a fucking animal. this always happens the day i reach a gw. bye 135 i guess lmao with all the junk food weight im probably back up to the 140s lmaoooooooooooooooooooooooooo im gonna weigh myself after a 24 hour water fast at 8 pm tomorrow and see what the damage is.

since friday night ive eaten
12 oz of pasta w a shitload of ketchup and pasta sauce
large artisan grilled sandwich meal from mcdonalds
eggs in a basket from dennys complete with cheesy hash browns
an entire bottle of wine
a large bowl of pho
a shitload of cheez its
a big bag of fruit snacks
one of those lorge blueberry muffins from starbucks
toooooons of those vitamin c hard candies

1550 on friday, 2260 on saturday, 2590 today.

my average for the week is still under maintenance. objectively, i know ill still lose weight this week/not gain that much from it, esp if i do one or two 24 hour fasts this week or a 48-72 hour one. but this food in my stomach, fuck. i fucked up my back sleeping on the couch so i cant run or work out and im so nauseous. i want to die but i also dont want to die fat lmao

im trying to see some positives

none of the food i ate seemed That good, like worth the calories, and i satisfied some long standing cravings ive had only to be disappointed - should be easier to stave off wanting them for the next few weeks

i started being constipated thursday and i think im about to have a BM because of this so hell yeah for that

no day over 3000 which is a pleasant surprise

6400 eaten in 3 days, tdee ~1700 so 5100 in 3 days = 1300 excess, not even half a pound. i can erase this deficit easily w one 24 hour fast and get fully back on track with another 24 or 48 hr one.

wasnt as compulsive, i still made overall better choices. like i picked beef jerky and a smaller bag of cheez its than a box of cheez its and a pint of ice cream like i wanted. eggs in a basket was less than the french toast slam i rlly wanted. grilled chicken burger still better than beef or fried chicken burger. i really did enjoy the pho even tho i got a larger size. i did eat wayy too much pasta but at least i measured it so i know.

didnt purge or attempt to

didnt get blackout drunk

got to hang with some old friends i hadnt seen in a while and didnt cancel so i wouldnt have to eat

but fuck. i dont wanna be Seen in public until i shit my brains out and the dulcolax in my closet is calling my name :(((((((( but to everyone else who had a bingey weekend we can get back from this !!! itll be ok !!!! we arent gross !!! even if i feel like i am and want to die !!!

I went to the cinema today, bought my friend popcorn and i didn’t eat any
Created: Sun Nov 11 18:18:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w9g9s/i_went_to_the_cinema_today_bought_my_friend/
I felt really accomplished

Ive never had much self control and its getting so much easier now to just not eat

I went out and bought it for her in the middle of the movie, i could have even taken one piece on the way back in because no one would see me but i didnt!

I kmow it doesnt sound like much but its such an accomplishment for me :)

She also had chocolate and i didnt buy any, i just drank water the whole time and it made me really happy

I'm getting addicted to exercise
/u/clapyourhandsaywoo [1.58 | 51 | 5 ]
Created: Sun Nov 11 18:14:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w9f8n/im_getting_addicted_to_exercise/
It's currently 2am and I can't sleep because I feel the need to follow another workout video even though I've already done 3 in the last couple hours.

I'm crying not only because my belly and thights hurt like hell even when I'm just laying on the floor but also because I'm panicking over the though that I'll gain muscle.

I don't want to look healthy in any way. I want to look as sick as possible, as awful as it sounds, and if I gain muscle it might make me more depressed over my body than I already am.

[Rant/Rave] Trying to recover but I'm gaining a lot of weight and regretting my decision.
Created: Sun Nov 11 18:08:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w9ds8/trying_to_recover_but_im_gaining_a_lot_of_weight/
4 months ago I've decided to stop purging and to try exercising more than I used to. I eat under 1800cal per day and I bike to go to school, it's around 12km per day. A week ago I gave up on going to the gym twice a week (because I'm on my finals and I work, so I don't really have the time for it), I've gained around 2kg in these last months and I'm feeling disgusting. I can't really starve myself and I don't want to start purging again because my throat is fucked up from vomiting in these last 6 years.
I don't know what to do and I'm so exhausted, I've been fat for my whole life and I don't think I can ever be thin.

[Help] Kitchen thinspo/quotes?
Created: Sun Nov 11 18:07:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w9ddy/kitchen_thinspoquotes/
Does anyone put thinspo or quotes around the kitchen to keep yourself on track? If so, please share! Have been thinking about doing so to prevent binging..

[Intro] An unfortunate/fortunate hello
Created: Sun Nov 11 18:03:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w9c8d/an_unfortunatefortunate_hello/
Hello, forgive me if I'm doing all of this wrong. I'm new and would love to gain a community! I'm just gonna tell my story because nobody else really wants to hear it and I just want to be validated and listened to tbh ):

I've always overeaten. I remember in high school eating epic amounts of food constantly. Always. I dieted here and there and yo-yo'd weight a couple times. (TMI) I remember eating so much that I would just barf...but then go back up for seconds. As a result...I ballooned. Then, I got in a long term relationship and we dieted together for a while. He lost substantially more weight than me (think double or more), but then we both quit. I noticed that I always ate faster and more than him despite him being way taller and way heavier. We'd go to dinner and eat, then I would eat snacks the second we got home. So I packed on pounds fast.

I got so miserable with myself that our sex life was ruined. I hated my body. I eventually stopped binging and jumped into heavy restricting. I got my first job (that wasn't in-house babysitting) and worked 45 hr work weeks, so I just didn't eat at work and it lead me to OMAD and fasting, so I dropped 65 lbs in the first couple months of my job.

I fasted poorly and ended up in the hospital with Arrhythmia. Take them electrolytes and lay off the caffiene, my dudes. So, to counteract this, I binged because I was scared. So now I'm up 10 lbs again. Great. I was under 200 for the first time in years, now i'm back.

My boyfriend won't bring it up -- he's scared and doesn't understand. I'm not angry with him, he doesn't know how to handle this kind of thing. My best friend is wonderful, but she doesn't understand why this ED is so painful -- she is constantly asking for tips on how to fast and restrict like I did even though she knows it was an ED. She thinks its the answer to all her weight problems. She doesn't understand that it reminds me of how crappy I am.

Long rant over. I'm sorry to write so much. I honestly just want people to talk to and help on how to stop eating until I can't move. Thanks xx

[Rant/Rave] on the origin
/u/Perfect_Difficulty [F20|5'6.5"|175 to 135 | GW 120]
Created: Sun Nov 11 18:01:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w9buz/on_the_origin/
so I was thinking, yet again, at how infuriating the idea of people looking at me and going "oh she lost all that weight and got an eating disorder" is. because I'm very happy that I've lost weight, the screaming in my head about food is quieter than ever, and I want people to trust my health and weight loss advice. Whenever I imagine someone saying I got an ED I want to scream that it's always been there.

It's not that I lost weight and wasn't satisfied - I always wanted to be noticeably thin. I just couldn't make it happen.


but I do have to ask myself where the symptoms came from

and I think it's that once I dealt with my depression/anxiety to an extent (enough to be functional and motivated), all the "disordered" thoughts were like "oh baby it's my time to shine"

I literally remember the moment I downloaded MFP because for a while I was worried that it would lead to an obsession. I told myself "you're already obsessed, this will just be a better kind." I was right.

I always thought these things I was just too afraid to express them because could you imagine a fat girl saying that she doesn't like that she eats? that it makes her feel like an animal? that she feels like she shouldn't want to? laughable. but now that I'm not fat? "lmao I don't eat"

The man I love just told me he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore because of my eating disorder.
Created: Sun Nov 11 17:58:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w9azn/the_man_i_love_just_told_me_he_doesnt_want_to/
He’s known for the 5 years we have been on and off for. I’m done trying to get better. I’m just done. This is the end.

[Help] Lose it
Created: Sun Nov 11 17:45:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w97tj/lose_it/
Can someone who uses lose it to track explain if I should include my exercise in my calories for the day? Sometimes I do when I overeat but I don’t like too. I’m not sure I understand the effect.

Is it ok to include it or does it affect my deficit help I’m bad at math

[Rant/Rave] Fuck summer
Created: Sun Nov 11 17:45:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w97nr/fuck_summer/
It's summer here, so it's already reaching 30C (86F for all you northern hemisphere folks). In the next few weeks temps will just keep rising.
The ONLY outfit I am okay with being seen in consists of baggy pants, oversized shirt, and this ridiculously oversized black coat.
Y'all. I'm dying.

I thought that if I hit my GW, then I could finally wear shorts or even (GASP) a bikini and actually enjoy summer but now I just hate myself even more for still having an ass but otherwise looking like a lumpy turd. I hate this. I hate it so much.
All I want in the world is to get rid of this FUCKING ass. I dont want to be THICCC or whatever it is called nowadays I just want to have pin legs. Thats it. Thats all i ever wanted and instead Ive ruined my life, alienated myself, and am ashamed to be seen in public inhabiting a physical body.

Fuck everything. It just feels like a horrible endless cycle of hating myself no matter what I weigh. I hate being female, i hate LOOKING female from the back. Ughhhhhhhh rant over. A gold award to anyone who made it this far lmao

[Help] No satisfaction from binges?
Created: Sun Nov 11 17:27:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w92ya/no_satisfaction_from_binges/
So I just had a binge, (not in the sense of high in calories, but more uncontrolled eating in hopes to find some sort of joy) and I had around 380 calories worth of chocolate. Generally, chocolate is suppose to make anyone feel better because it stimulates dopamine, but I got zero satisfaction from having it. If anything, I felt even worse because the chocolate wasn’t even good!

I need some advice on how to feel better without binging or how to binge well enough to feel temporary relief. Anything would help honestly...

[Rant/Rave] Celestial seasonings Holliday teas run my ass
Created: Sun Nov 11 17:22:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w91ms/celestial_seasonings_holliday_teas_run_my_ass/
Straight up.

Sugar cookie sleigh ride steeped for like 10 minutes with some fake sugar and 1/2 teaspoon of half and half tastes like a real ass sugar cookie. I drink tea in giant bowl mugs and because it’s just so much volume and warm it makes me feel full and like I just had an actual treat for 10 calories

Honorable mention to Carmel Apple dream! So good with a little fake sugar.

I can’t wait to try their sweet plum flavor next!

My internal struggle every time I eat an Altoid mint
Created: Sun Nov 11 17:14:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w8z9z/my_internal_struggle_every_time_i_eat_an_altoid/

almost fainted
Created: Sun Nov 11 17:05:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w8ws0/almost_fainted/
i was feeling a little bit lightheaded after skipping lunch but i thought it was normal since i felt that way before but a couple of hours later when i was leaving for work i felt it stronger, like i was lighter than ever BUT i thought "well thats cool this fast is working"

anyway fast forward i get out of the bus and start walking to my job when i feel my heart pound very heavily and i could barely breath, i was very dizzy too and i got scared tbh

i remembered there was a gas station on the corner so i went there wanting to eat fruit but i couldn't find any and the "healthiest" choice was some chestnuts cookies that im eating now, it doesnt say in the packaging the calories and im freaking out about it but also i dont want to die so yeah, there's that

i guess ill have to either shorten the fasts or eat little during the day, maybe ill restrict again idk but this has happened before too and i dismissed it and it lead to the hospital. I dont want that shit again.

Well thats it, hope y'all have/had a good day, stay safe!

[Rant/Rave] When binges take over....
Created: Sun Nov 11 16:39:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w8ppn/when_binges_take_over/
I was sad my SO was going out of town for the weekend but the silver lining was I could plan my food, weigh it & know exactly how many calories I was eating. I usually only use the food scale for baking & portioning large things of meat.. not for knowing exact portion sizes bc he would think I’m crazy

Well, I was looking forward to doing it last night.. and I just ended up bingeing bc I was upset and ate wayyyyyy more than I would have normally eaten. Now I’m upset again tonight so I’m sure it’s all gonna go down hill again

Why am I like this

DAE not eat healthy?
/u/homestuckintraffic [5'7 | SW/CW: 200 | GW: 120 | He/They]
Created: Sun Nov 11 16:26:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w8mck/dae_not_eat_healthy/
I hate almost every healthy food known to man (except fruit, I love fruit) and love junk food. I don't see the point of forcing myself to eat food I hate, so I don't. I only eat junk food, but in tiny amounts.

Does anyone have a punishment/reward system?
/u/finnkat [5'3 | 90lbs | 16.4 | 19f]
Created: Sun Nov 11 16:19:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w8kg3/does_anyone_have_a_punishmentreward_system/
I often focus more on punishment than reward and my punishments are not healthy. I have a lengthy history of self-harm so usually my punishments are either hurting myself or purging extensively. Does anyone have a 'healthy' way they punish themselves, one thats more motivating than harmful?

[Other] I just b/p for the first time
Created: Sun Nov 11 16:17:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w8js2/i_just_bp_for_the_first_time/
First only water came out. And then it was food. I didn't purge a lot bc my cat entered the bathroom and I got scared...

But damn, I might do it again... I feel sick now so I don't think I'm eating anything today or tomorrow. Might end the binging cycle I'm stuck in...

[Help] Does anyone know how many calories there are in Nandos mayonnaise?
/u/wristsPlz [F 5'10" | CW:130.5 | GW:125 | BMI:18.7]
Created: Sun Nov 11 16:14:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w8ivy/does_anyone_know_how_many_calories_there_are_in/
I feel so picky asking this but. It's my sister's birthday on friday and we're going to Nandos. I'm ordering the sweet potato and butternut burger (got to plan ahead!!!) but I can't eat eggs or dairy so no mayo. Does anyone know the calorie difference between mayo and no mayo? Feels ridiculous but it scares me not knowing. I'll probably just knock 10 calories off if I can't find out but yeah, if anyone has any idea then I would really appreciate it. It's going to be a stressful enough food day as it is haha

Love you all, stay safe x

My size 0 is meaningless
/u/SpiritedStrawberry [5'0'' | CW 106 | GW 88 | F]
Created: Sun Nov 11 15:50:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w8c49/my_size_0_is_meaningless/
Being size 0 is meaningless because of my height. It's normal for short girls to be a smaller size, size 0 is average and attainable. My size 0 is meaningless.

I have naturally narrow hips and broad shoulders, so of course my pant size is smaller than my top. My size 0 is meaningless.

I'm 106 pounds, my BMI is still in the 20's. I still objectively look chunky. My size 0 is meaningless. But where is there to go from here?

I decided to treat myself to junk food and it arrived COLD and DISGUSTING!!
/u/dostoyefski [5'5" | SW:129 | CW:123.5 | GW:110]
Created: Sun Nov 11 15:32:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w86vo/i_decided_to_treat_myself_to_junk_food_and_it/
I’m filled with crappy pizza and regret

It was so expensive and so many calories

Why can’t I purge?????????

Brb going to go and exercise for the rest of my life

[Rant/Rave] Rant/advice about depression and binge cycle
Created: Sun Nov 11 15:30:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w868a/rantadvice_about_depression_and_binge_cycle/
I lost a close family member back in June and I thought I was handling it well. However, for the last few weeks I have been extremely depressed about it and I cannot stop eating. I am eating everything in sight. Hungry or not. Even as Im completley stuffed, I keep eating. I'm stuck in this binge cycle and have gained a good fifteen pounds in about three weeks (putting me about 10 lbs way from my highest weight ever and only able to fit into leggings). Part of me doesn't even care about the weight gain and just wants to keep eating to stop the sadness.

As of today Ive gone through my house and thown out all of my easily accessable food leaving just protein shakes, diet soda, and dry rice but still cant kick wanting to eat everything. Im constantly internet shopping on instacart and grubhub, filling up the cart with all the food I want, and then closign the tab. The only thing keeping me from running to the store right now and buying a ton of junk food is the fact that money is super tight.

How do I kick this need to fill this sadness with food? How do I stop replacing sad thoughts with food? Or what do I eat that will satisfy it?

[Other] I didn’t know two of my favorite foods were also super low cal, so guess what I gorged myself on today l o l....and yes that’s an ENTIRE lil baby shrimp 35 piece platter lmfao
/u/crashbandiclit [23F | 5’4” | CW: 🍔 | GW: 110lbs]
Created: Sun Nov 11 15:22:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w83ta/i_didnt_know_two_of_my_favorite_foods_were_also/

[Goal] Down 10 lbs!
Created: Sun Nov 11 15:20:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w83am/down_10_lbs/
140 to 130 ~ not much of a difference but my clothes aren’t as tight anymore, I’m 1/4 of the way to my goal!

ive dropped 6 pounds from being sick??
Created: Sun Nov 11 15:13:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w817x/ive_dropped_6_pounds_from_being_sick/
this is fucking amazing. i will keep all of this weight off and lose more.

[Discussion] Hey everyone, grab your light butter, 100 cal popcorn and gather round!
Created: Sun Nov 11 15:12:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w80vd/hey_everyone_grab_your_light_butter_100_cal/

[Rant/Rave] It's only 20 more calories FOR FUCKS SAKE.
/u/robotsintrees [5'6 | Not yet my final form | Male]
Created: Sun Nov 11 15:11:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w80rr/its_only_20_more_calories_for_fucks_sake/
The oatmeal I get is 130 calories for "1/3 cup dry (35 grams)". It's got flax seeds and bran, and I always think the calorie count is too good to be true; 1/3 cup is quite a lot, and most plain oatmeal is \~160. But whatever, I've been measuring out a 1/3 cup and counting it as 130. Out of curiosity, I decided to actually weigh it, and go figure, it's 40 grams, works out to 150 calories.

Eating disorder is literally freaking the FUCK out. 150 seems like SO much more than "only" 130, my bowls of oatmeal have been 270 (nearly 300!) instead of a measly 250. Are these oats no longer a safe food? I've been having them every single day for months now. Fuuuuu....

Also non-disordered me is aware of how utterly insignificant 20 calories is. My body would not even register that as energy. I'm still at less than 1000kcal/day this week, and before that, I've clearly been in enough of a deficit to have my doctor and dietitian on my ass. An extra 20 calories a day is NOTHING.

Ugh, the thoughts, man.

[Rant/Rave] When Mother Nature betrays you.
Created: Sun Nov 11 15:00:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w7xbu/when_mother_nature_betrays_you/
I hit a new goal weight: 116 on the dot! Yay!

However today I noticed I felt more crampy than usual and my birth control pills are down to the Placebo week so I figured I’d check my tracker app.

It starts tomorrow. BITTTTTTTCH I hit a new GW and you’re gonna hit me *now* with the PMS bullshit?

Not to mention next Thursday (week) is going to be a very *trying* time for us?


[Rant/Rave] Target Shopping
/u/button_eyed_coraline [5'4" | 148 | 25.4 | -92 lbs | Female]
Created: Sun Nov 11 14:43:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w7sdu/target_shopping/
I finally summoned the courage to buy things in my actual size because I’m having a shingles outbreak and need to keep my arms covered to protect my daughter.

I wear a S now. What the fuck. I’m not small. I’m not. The fact that my dress size (6) is considered small is mind-boggling. It makes as much sense as waking up to everyone in my life insisting that the sky is actually green. The fact that I am a size 6 is insane in itself. Sizes are just liars now.

The fact that the goalposts keep moving closer in terms of clothing sizes makes me question reality altogether. How am I supposed to know when I’m actually small if clothing companies are just making shit up now?

I feel like my skin is crawling. I want to stay home and crawl under my covers. I thought wearing smaller sizes would feel like an accomplishment but it feels like the universe is straight-up lying to me. Like I’m being condescended to.

[Help] Does fasting give you headaches?
Created: Sun Nov 11 14:31:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w7ota/does_fasting_give_you_headaches/
I’m trying to get back into IF because I’ve gained some weight.

The other day, I was fasting and had a headache all day. Tylenol didn’t help.

What do you guys do for headaches?

[Help] McCafé breakfast blend coffee calories!
Created: Sun Nov 11 14:30:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w7o9y/mccafé_breakfast_blend_coffee_calories/
It says it’s 0 calories but is that legit or not? It’s 0 for black coffee is this true?

McCafé breakfast blend coffee.
Created: Sun Nov 11 14:27:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w7nlw/mccafé_breakfast_blend_coffee/
It says it’s 0 calories but is that legit or not? It’s 0 for black coffee is this true?

Alcohol is acceptable calorie binging ?
Created: Sun Nov 11 14:24:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w7miu/alcohol_is_acceptable_calorie_binging/
You ever notice how it's ok to drink ridiculous amounts of calories in public with no shame or guilt of the calories? It's weird. Bars are similar to me like food eating competitions????

Clearly food surplus won't give you health problems as fast or a DUI but still...

Sorry. Just in a weird spot and figured it's ok here. As I debate these unhealthy liquid calorie binge myself.

[Discussion] For those who have have relapsed after a long time, what is different about your ED now from before?
/u/6sixofspades66 [5ft 5.5in | CW 147 |-17 |F]
Created: Sun Nov 11 14:13:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w7jdg/for_those_who_have_have_relapsed_after_a_long/
I am just curious since mine has changed so much over time. When I started at 17, I was pretty bulimic (b/p cycle) non stop. I recovered after a few years. And now, 5 years later, I have relapsed but this time I don't binge. It is all restricting under 1000c a day, and heavy restricting under 500c.

Anyone else have similar experiences?

[Discussion] At what point did you notice weight loss in your face?
/u/thirteencat [5'3.5" | CW: 106 | GW: 95 | F]
Created: Sun Nov 11 14:09:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w7i2k/at_what_point_did_you_notice_weight_loss_in_your/
And did anyone experience weight loss in their face last? Asking because I’ve always had chubby cheeks that don’t seem to disappear even after a 20 lb loss lol.

[Help] Realistic waist size
Created: Sun Nov 11 14:07:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w7hgr/realistic_waist_size/

I'm currently 52-53kg, 165cm, and have a waist of 65 cm. My current goal weight is to be comfortably under 50 kg, which realistically means 48ish to 50, and a 60-62 cm waist. Here's the deal. I hate my waist. I have a small bust already, and similarly sized hips, and my waist is always the one part of me that seems so goddamn.... broad. I know from some research that 1 cm is lost with every 1.5 kg. I understand that everyone's body is different, and that it's likely my wider waist is just genetic, but can anyone tell me if that goal is completely unrealistic or not? I just... need a bit of clarity, from someone outside my hellhole of a brain.

[Discussion] Global Fasting Week
/u/ImmediateAlien [5'3 | 104.7 lbs | GW 99 lbs | BMI: 19 | F]
Created: Sun Nov 11 14:07:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w7hfz/global_fasting_week/
Anybody else fasting during the Global Fasting Week? It’s this event happening Nov 12 - Nov 16, with the goal of promoting the health benefits of fasting and whatnot. Ofc I’m using it as an excuse and hoping to lose this final 10 fucking lbs.

Weight loss then gain.
Created: Sun Nov 11 13:59:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w7eyr/weight_loss_then_gain/
I spent two months losing 10 pounds. Then I gained it back in three weeks. So yay.

Stopping going to places after being recognized as a regular
/u/SpiritedStrawberry [5'0'' | CW 106 | GW 88 | F]
Created: Sun Nov 11 13:57:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w7ehq/stopping_going_to_places_after_being_recognized/
Does anybody else feel an extreme level of shame or embarrassment after becoming a regular at food places?

I was doing relatively well at eating normally/trying to "recover", and I'd been going to a Jimmy John's location once or twice a week (which I really feel like isn't that often). The last time I went in, the guy at the counter gave me my order on the house because "I see you here all the time".

It should have been a nice gesture and I should have felt happy about it, but instead I felt like wanting to cry because I was recognized at being somewhere all the time. I haven't gone back since (it's been about a month), but instead I've been in a massive b/p cycle and I've been going to the grocery store every 2 or 3 days. I dread being recognized as a regular there too. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why do I care so much what people think?

[Rant/Rave] I miss people getting concerned over how little I ate
/u/fragilmountain [5'6”|CW: 180|BMI: 29|GW:120]
Created: Sun Nov 11 13:38:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w78oc/i_miss_people_getting_concerned_over_how_little_i/
Does this make me an awful person?

I remember one time over the summer when I took some of my friends out for ice cream; while everyone got large sizes or milkshakes, I sat there with my kids cup, low fat ice cream (80! calories). Everyone kept questioning if that’s all I really wanted and they kept offering me some of their food! Another time I had breakfast with a friend and all I ate was one slice of plain toast. She was shocked that I didn’t want anything else. Now that I’ve raised my calorie goal a bit (from 300 to ~800), it seems like there’s nothing for people to be concerned over. But I miss it. I don’t even know why. I guess just the thought of people caring about me? Some days I want to lower my goal again just for the comments. It makes me feel icky.

[Tip] A less than 800 cal meal for my OMAD at Famous Dave’s. Was so full up I actually felt uncomfortable. You CAN eat out and meet your cal goals. Also timing your OMAD so you don’t get hungry again is important. Two diet pepsi, corn cob, potato salad, saltines and a bowl of chili. 798cals.
Created: Sun Nov 11 13:32:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w76qr/a_less_than_800_cal_meal_for_my_omad_at_famous/

[Rant/Rave] I can see how binge/purging can get addicting
Created: Sun Nov 11 13:30:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w769t/i_can_see_how_bingepurging_can_get_addicting/
So after I had a sort-of-successful weight loss, I developed a pretty bad binge eating disorder. I gained some weight back and was furious with myself and it was a constant battle of willpower to not binge. But recently I've began purging and it has made everything a lot easier to deal with right now. I can stop fighting this battle in my head and give in to catch a break. At the same time, I'm slightly scared. 👀

Dropped 5 pounds and i just started
Created: Sun Nov 11 13:20:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w72w5/dropped_5_pounds_and_i_just_started/
2 days ago, i’m feeling more confident but somehow less happy. I feel this journey will be worth it

I feel in control when i restrict what i eat and when I exercise, but at the same time i feel like i have no control at all
Created: Sun Nov 11 13:05:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w6yha/i_feel_in_control_when_i_restrict_what_i_eat_and/
Like it feels like im controlling something you know? Im restricting calories and doing exercise, but its in excess now

I cant stop? I nearly fainted today because i ate about 50 calories then worked out for about 2 hours and couldn’t stop

I seem to be getting worse every day but i havent told anyone in my life about it, i dont know if its concerning enough or not

Its scary but i feel like im in charge of something in my life for once

I dont even know why im posting this im just kind of confused with myself

ED nightmares!
/u/Call_me_Cassius [5'5" | CW: too high | GW: too low | -45lb | M21]
Created: Sun Nov 11 13:05:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w6y9h/ed_nightmares/
Last night I dreamed that I was on a road trip with my family and we stopped at a gas station for snacks. I went to get diet coke, but they only had the medium sized bottles and the nutritional label said 78 calories. And I knew normal bottles and 2L were both 0, but for some reason the middle size was 78, and they only had the middle size. And I started panicking, wondering if I'd misread the label all these years and diet coke actually always had 78 calories.

And then my subconscious moved on, ad I forgot about it until I got up this morning and grabbed a diet coke, and almost choked mid-swig when my brain shouted "wait! There's 78 calories in that!"

I'm assuming nightmares about ED stuff is pretty common. Anybody have ones they want to share?

[Goal] Didn’t think I’d be so happy about this...fitting into child’s clothing better than adult sizes now
Created: Sun Nov 11 13:04:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w6y63/didnt_think_id_be_so_happy_about_thisfitting_into/
Like the title says. Holy shit. I used to wear adult mediums- now a child’s medium fits me, and is even a lil baggy on me. I don’t know if it’s unhealthy how happy I am about this.

I don't know how to eat normally anymore...
Created: Sun Nov 11 13:04:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w6y3d/i_dont_know_how_to_eat_normally_anymore/
Okay so sometime last year, life was so stressful that I began emotionally eating. I would binge constantly on snacks and ended up gaining a ton of weight, reaching about 70kg. And then at the start of this year, I was tired of it all and decided I needed to change, so I started calorie counting.

In the beginning, I was just substituting out processed foods with whole foods and incorporating healthy foods into my diet. I didn't really properly count calories and kind of just guessed and put in random amounts. But it was going really well, overtime my cravings for junk vanished and I was just feeling overall happier and better about everything, and I even started exercising which I had never done before. So I was eating healthily and cooking more, feeling happier and exercising more. It was great. I didn't really think I changed much in terms of looks, but one day I stepped on the scale and noticed I was 55kg. I had lost 15kg in a few months without even trying (I'm a 163cm tall female btw). And then... it all went downhill.

I started to get really obsessed with my weight. I thought if it was so easy to lose weight, I wanted to lose more weight and look "beautiful" like all those celebrities (kpop idols) I saw on screen. So I started restricting. I cut out everything I considered bad, including nuts, oil, anything I considered "unnecessary calories" and I was hardly eating. There would be days when I would eat 3 bowls of porridge and maybe a fruit if I felt like it, so it wasn't much food at all. I started to exercise excessively and I would weigh myself over 10 times a day and I would feel so accomplished and satisfied as the reading on the scale dropped. I slowly started to lose my life and ended up reaching an all-time low weight of 44kg.

Then I realised I had developed an eating disorder (and body dysmorphia). It was probably anorexia tbh. This was only last month btw. So I decided I needed to break out of this before I lost more of my life. And then I started binging. I binged on sooooo much food, everything I had restricted before, and literally felt like I was a different person. I've heard this is normal in anorexia recovery, so I pushed through it and ate and ate and ate until the cravings finally started to stop and I had more control of my diet again.

And now I'm here... So lost and empty. I've reached a weight of 52kg now and I've been maintaining this weight without even worrying about the food I eat, I'm not sure if this is my natural set weight. But anyway, I have no idea what to eat anymore. Since I don't crave food anymore, I look at all these foods on the table and just feel so empty? Like I don't want to eat any of it. I used to love chocolate but when I eat it now it gives me no enjoyment. Pizza and kebab and other fast-food that I used to love don't satisfy me anymore... So I thought maybe I was sick of them and wanted to eat healthier foods that nourish my body, but I don't know what foods to eat. I had some chicken breast with broccoli and rice today which I used to love, but again, after eating it I still felt so empty. Whenever I think about eating healthier food it gives me memories of my anorexia and scares the heck out of me. I literally don't enjoy eating food anymore and I have no idea what to do? I'm not sure if I'm depressed or just stressed or something, but if I am it would mainly be about food because that's all I've been worrying about and concerned about all this time. I've completely neglected uni and work because of these thoughts and feelings. Maybe I still have disordered thoughts or something and I think eating "healthy" is like dieting again and that scares me. But honestly eating anything will be healthier than all that crap I had been binging on this past month so I don't know why I would be concerned about that. I just don't understand why I've lost all interest and enjoyment in food?

Just to mention I've also lost enjoyment in just about everything in life right now but I feel like it stems from my eating and lack of interest in food, which used to be a huge part of my life when I was "dieting".

So tl;dr: used to binge, went on diet, developed anorexia, recovering and now idk what or how to eat because I don't enjoy food anymore

[Rant/Rave] Shitty weekend. Shitty party. Lotta shitty venting
/u/throwawaymyfeelingsk [6'1|M|CW:199]
Created: Sun Nov 11 13:02:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w6xle/shitty_weekend_shitty_party_lotta_shitty_venting/

Long shitty post ahead by a shitty person. I just feel the need to vent but there’s not a single person irl that I can talk to. Probably going into too much detail and coming off judgmental af, but it’s not like anyone’s going to actually read this bs, especially someone who could identify me.

Started on Friday. A friend of mine (I’ll call him Chris) was having a birthday party Saturday night, so I offered to make a cake for the event because I figured he wouldn’t have one otherwise. After spending about $40 on ingredients, I use all Friday afternoon and evening to make this several layer cake that would hopefully not turn out shit despite me not having all the equipment I’d ideally use. Obviously, I fuck up in several ways, but I taste it along the way to make sure it is at least edible. I absolutely fuck up the very last layer, and I do my best to salvage the situation so the cake isn’t entirely a waste. Stress levels go through the roof as I pray to whatever deity there is that I didn’t just make my 7 hours of work useless.

Being around 5 days into a fast though, working with and tasting such an abomination of sugar and fat is a dangerous game, one that I pushed myself into. Add the stress of my abysmal cooking skills, and I was already feeling strong binge urges. I scramble 2 eggs plain in the hopes of curbing what could be disastrous, but they are not satisfying nor filling. Next thing I know I’m at the grocery store a bit before midnight buying a pack of bagels, 2 containers of pimento cheese, and laxatives. Before driving home, I take a couple minutes to cry in my parked car because I’m a human train wreck.

I add a shit ton of absurdly spicy hot sauce to the pimento cheese, spread it on the first bagel, and begin eating like the animal I am. After finishing it, I realize my stomach is not at all big enough to fit all this, so I head to the bathroom to purge. 15-20 minutes of grueling pain, I realize how bad of an idea purging bagels and hot sauce is, so I switch to chewing and spitting the rest. I initially attempt to watch Netflix while doing so, but due to allergies and the previous purging, I am covered in mucus and now slobbering all over myself. I take my foods to the bathroom and finish C&S the rest directly into the toilet while looking like an absolute mess. I purge once more to get anything I swallowed accidentally (pretty sure one of my roommates heard this whole thing), then take about half of all the laxative I got because I’d hate to be bloated for the party. Finally head to sleep around 2 AM, waking up every 30-40 minutes to shit my brains out of course.

My bowels start to calm down at about 10, and I begin to start making my arrangements for today despite feeling like burning garbage and desperately wanting to bail on the party. A good friend of mine (Samuel) who was also heading to the party was initially going to give me a ride, but after texting him, he was apparently far too hungover from his date the night before to do so early enough, since we were planning on going out to play Pokemon Go. Samuel informs me that Chris can give me a ride, so I text him and Chris brings me to his place to drop off the cake. We go to Subway for Chris to get lunch before we meet another guy (Jerry) at the park. While ordering, he casually mentions to the worker how he never sees me eat (today was no exception), and I just try to act casual like I didn’t even notice.

Chris, Jerry, and I walk around the local park for about 3 hours in absolutely frigid weather (shaking for most of the time) where we eventually meet up with Samuel and head to another fast food joint before going back to Chris’s place. Fairly uneventful, just me freezing and thankfully getting to walk a bit for this time. Once at Chris’s place though, it doesn’t take long at all for alcohol to be brought out. Samuel, Chris, and Jerry all start drinking something, while I head to the back porch to smoke a bit of weed because I’m a sloppy drunk yet don’t want to be the only sober one. More drinks are poured (almost exclusively for Chris) and things go smoothly for a while. Chris’s roommate (who seems to be on the autism spectrum based on how he interacted with everybody) and a couple that Chris has known for several years arrive, and everyone generally seems to be enjoying themselves.

Chris drinks a LOT more liquor while most everybody else takes it slowly and sticks mostly to beer. The alcohol starts to hit him and he is clearly drunk at this stage, so he decides it a good time to break out the cake. I comment about how badly I most likely fucked up as he and his roommate each grab a slice (nobody else was interested). Chris seemed to enjoy it somewhat, but he was incredibly intoxicated and basically drunk binging at this point on anything he could reach. The roommate said it seemed like it didn’t have any sugar in it, and asked if anybody else wanted it. I did my best to brush it off and told him he could throw it away if he didn’t want it, since I know I fucked up anyway (still stung cause it tasted scary sweet to me when I was making it, but maybe I’ve just gotten more sensitive to sugar idk). Jerry and the roommate kept to themselves mostly, while the rest of the group moved to the kitchen table.

Chris was now clearly far too drunk, and he began munching on all available snacks. He started talking trash about the couple that was present and how both of them could probably do better. Samuel and I cut Chris off at this point and get him to drink strictly water for the time being. Chris drunk texts some of his contacts and also shares many things that should not have been mentioned. First that comes to mind is that the husband of another mutual friend not present had been cheating on her. He speaks about how she’s in a failing marriage anyway, and was definitely still attractive enough to “get it” from him. I know he was also drunk texting her rather inappropriate things that probably almost (if not entirely) destroyed any friendship they have with one another. Realizing this, I encourage him to keep his phone away (didn’t want to take it away cause he would probably kick my ass if I tried) and keep drinking his water. He goes on to inappropriately text what I assume was another few female friends of his before finally calming down and mostly staying away from his phone.

Around this time, the couple decides to head out for the night, and Samuel has a family emergency that sends him rushing out the door, leaving just Jerry, Chris, and me for the primary conversation. By this point it is only about 9:30 PM and Chris is still far past his limit without quite losing motor function. He goes on and on about various women he knows, what features he finds ugly or attractive, who he wanted to fuck, how easy it was for women to get laid, and how he and Jerry should go to a strip club. Basically imagine a drunk incel spewing shit from their mouth nonstop. Most of it repulsed me so I simply tried to keep my mouth shut while waiting for Chris to sober up a bit more. Jerry engaged him a bit more than I did, and even though he did say some misogynistic things himself, was clearly not as engulfed in it as Chris.

Unfortunately, Jerry also had to leave for the night after about an hour of this, leaving me alone with Chris for a while. He continues talking although a bit less since I tried to avoid engaging him on his more radical remarks, and instead got him to watch a movie on cable with me. Relatively light but painful conversation went on for 2 more hours, at which point 3 people arrived around 12:30 AM. Chris was thankfully more dumb-piece-of-shit drunk than wildly-offensive-woman-hating-suicidal drunk now, so he was able to converse without too much drama now. He had another beer despite me urging him not too, but he at least stayed away from liquor. At about 1:30 AM, the rest of them head to a bar (despite it closing at 2), and I take an uber home since I am under 21 and unable to enter with them. I text Chris making sure he got back home fine and urge him to go to sleep when he can.

Now back at my apartment in the early morning, I get the first sip of water I had all day, cry in my bathroom briefly, then pass out in my bed. I had spent the last \~12 hours with Chris, and I was physically and emotionally exhausted. Not my first time at all babysitting a drunk person, but I just wanted to relax that night after a terrible Friday night and couldn’t. On top of that, it seemed as though everyone at the party was having some sort of crisis or getting their dirty laundry aired, but I felt invisible. In the middle of a shit storm I was the one that stayed the longest to make sure Chris didn’t end up killing himself or making even more poor decisions than were already made. I’m sure he’s sending out a lot of apologies today, but I still feel like I was little more than a fly on the wall that night. He thanked me for coming out and I guess that’s that.

In spite of the past 48 hours making me feel like a rusty bucket of dirt, praise be to my lord and savior halo top, for I finally made it under 200 lbs. I’m gonna go cry on my bathroom floor for the bazillionth time.

If you actually read this word vomit, I am truly sorry.

Antidepressants and eating
Created: Sun Nov 11 13:00:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w6wr1/antidepressants_and_eating/
I recently stopped taking my medication (I ran out and I'm such a useless piece of shit it took me ages to get the script refilled) and I notice during that time my binge eating and low motivation were out of control.

So I started again and straight away felt my appetite become more manageable.

I really hate myself at the moment and I feel glad that I have some control again. I'm so sick of this binge cycle. I saw photos of my boyfriend when he was a teenager and it triggered me. He had an eating disorder and it fucking made me jealous.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

New day tomorrow. I feel like I'm rotten inside so I'm going to restrict to distract myself.

[Help] Overweight but not losing what the cals say I should?
Created: Sun Nov 11 12:48:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w6sxg/overweight_but_not_losing_what_the_cals_say_i/
I'm technically obese (over 200lbs at 5'8", down 55 lbs in the past 5 months), but recently my weight loss has all but stopped. :/ I eat about 500-600 cals per day (I'm /very/ careful about tracking, so I know that's accurate), I work out every single day (usually running for half an hour, lifting weights for half an hour, maybe more cardio/weights if I have time), and I get at least 10k steps every day. I have one or two cheat meals/week (usually those days I still stick below 1500 cals for the day) so that I don't have some kind of mental breakdown and because recently I've been feeling the effects of too-few cals.

According to my fitbit and cals tracked, I should be losing at least 4-5 lbs/week. But recently, I've been losing only 1-2 (or none at all :/). I'm not sure what else to do at this point. I'm so frustrated because I work so hard, and I'm scared to lessen my cals because going any lower effects my work life and mental health/relationships. I'm trying to work out as much as I can, but I'm wondering if I'm doing something else wrong? I was diagnosed anorexic before, lost 160 lbs, recovered, gained it all back, and now I'm doing the same thing to try and lose it all again (with fewer cals this time. Last time I ate about 800-900 every day).

Please help, if you have any advice. :/ I'm so sick of seeing the scale inch down or stay still when it doesn't make any mathematical sense, esp since it's not like I don't have at least 100lbs to lose. :/

Can someone help me get motivation to keep going?
Created: Sun Nov 11 12:37:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w6pkt/can_someone_help_me_get_motivation_to_keep_going/
Exactly one year ago I lost about 15kg but after going 3 days without eating anything and no change in weight I became really frustrated and now a year later I'm +25kg from where I was back then. I need help

[Intro] Just stopping by to say hi!
/u/Thin_Wishes3 [5’8” | HW:145 | LW:110| GW:86| 26F]
Created: Sun Nov 11 12:36:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w6pfq/just_stopping_by_to_say_hi/
Hi guys,
Just wanted to give a basic introduction!
I truly didn’t even know there was a subreddit for ED’s, and I’m happy there is :) (saw it on ED twt)

I’m a 26 year old female, I’ve been dealing w my ED since I was 12 years old. I go thru cycles of restriction and fasting to normal eating and purging and abusing lax.
I haven’t had anything too detrimental happen to me health wise throughout all of this.
I’ve had bad dental issues, and a couple of missing and fake teeth because of it, really will never recommend or encourage purging, it destroys your mouth and keeps you looking “healthy.”
I also have a heart condition but nothing crazy. And then of course the whole vitamin deficiencies and what not.
I’ve tried recovery a few times throughout all of this, but the furthest I’ve gone with it was just therapy and at one point working with a dietician in conjunction.
I have therapy horror stories :)

I’m 5’8” my HW was 145 and my LW: 110. I’m somewhere in the middle, probably 120-123 if I had to guess but I’m not sure.

Other than ED, I work in fashion, I ride horses, and I love astrology (libra here) and love to go hiking with my dog. I also am a closet nerd and love to read, write, and play video games.
I also am extremely unhappy in my current living situation, my mom just got diagnosed w brain and lung cancer and i can’t stop butting heads with my manager lately.

Anyway that was long enough, thanks for bearing with me if you did! Looking forward to meeting everyone :)

i never want to eat again
Created: Sun Nov 11 12:26:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w6mfs/i_never_want_to_eat_again/
you ever just wanna feel the pain of starving so bad

[Rant/Rave] Losses are Gains
/u/_Pulltab_ [67"| 151.2| 23.7| -55 | F]
Created: Sun Nov 11 12:11:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w6hs0/losses_are_gains/
6 months ago I was wearing 14/16 pants and XL shirts.

Today I bought a pair of 6 sized jeans and a small flannel shirt. And they fit.

My gluttonous public persona is backfiring
/u/Call_me_Cassius [5'5" | CW: too high | GW: too low | -45lb | M21]
Created: Sun Nov 11 12:00:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w6e7s/my_gluttonous_public_persona_is_backfiring/
I try to present an image of a person who is totally happy with their weight and body and who really loves to eat and definitely isn't scared of bread. I mostly do this by planning binges around when I'm going to be with friends, so they see me eat a lot, and sharing memes about binging and talking about that omg whooooole loaf of bread I ate, lol, carbs are so fun right?

This way I can restrict/fast in peace. Nobody worries if I've eaten or not. If I publicly skip a meal every once and a while everyone laughs it off as "oh Cassius, he probably ate a whole box of cereal before he came here!"

Except that now it's backfiring. Because people keep getting me food. Or offering me food. A lot of my friends work in food service, and they'll bring me all the leftover fries after they closed up the restaurant for the night, or they'll take a bunch of bananas and bread rolls for me from the event they just catered or whatever. I'll use being vegan as an excuse to get out of a meal I didn't plan for, and they'll go buy me oreos because they feel bad I couldn't eat the pizza or whatever and they just knooooow how hungry I must be.

So now I'm constantly being offered food! And if I take it, I know myself well enough to know I'll eat it. But if I don't take it, it's out of character enough that people get suspicious.

Fool that I am, I thought acting like I ate constantly would *stop* people from giving me food. I wanted to be praised for controlling myself when I skipped, I wanted people to tell me that maybe I'd had enough. But no! I'm surrounded by binge enablers! I've created my own hell, not constant reinforcement but constant temptation.

How do I shift this over? How do I get rid of the "loves food, give all the food" label I'm wearing around my neck without adopting "probably isn't eating enough encourage to eat more"?

[Discussion] Does anyone else feel their weight loss is the only thing they can control?
/u/FameuxCelebrite [5’6|CW: 140|GW: 120|-40 lbs]
Created: Sun Nov 11 11:54:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w6cmj/does_anyone_else_feel_their_weight_loss_is_the/
Currently I’m jobless, my ex left me for someone else a few months ago, and I graduate next year and have no idea how to get a job in my field...Basically there’s little control in my life and it’s relaxing...? to be able to control what I eat and weigh.

I can’t control if I’m hired after a job interview, but I can make sure my weight graph continues to drop. It’s nice to have something I know is obtainable and the only obstacle is me not outside elements.

i really want to join a gym or a fitness group but i’m too embarrassed of myself
Created: Sun Nov 11 11:34:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w66ho/i_really_want_to_join_a_gym_or_a_fitness_group/
like i don’t want to be the biggest one there or the youngest and the most exercise i do is just walking a few miles a day so i probably won’t be able to keep up with a class and will prob look dumb.

i wish my best friend would join me but she’s on the same boat and also doesn’t want to spend the money on it. my oldest brother goes to the gym often though so many id feel more comfortable going with him? idk. 🤦🏻‍♀️

[Help] Not skinny enough for help??
Created: Sun Nov 11 11:14:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w60gh/not_skinny_enough_for_help/
So I had anorexia big time when I was 16-18. Full on, "if you don't put on some weight your heart is going to give out", bad. I went through outpatient 'treatment', but honestly, I don't think I ever really recovered fully. As my appetite came back I became ravenous and anorexia just turned into bulimia and eventually just plain binging. My relationship with food has been fucked ever since but since I was a \~healthy weight\~ I thought (and was told by the doctors) that everything was fine.


Fast forward to now, 21, in final year of college. A stressful time, friendships are poor, a lot of work to do, I'm struggling with other health things too that have stopped me from exercising and I feel like I don't really have control over my body anymore. So what creeps back in? My good old friend anorexia, who was just hibernating somewhere in my head and has come out to help me in this tough time.


So, being the responsible student I am and practising #selfcare, and taking on the constant advice to 'talk to someone!!' if you feel like something's wrong, I booked an appointment with the college counsellor (6 week waiting list, but at least it's free). I went through all of the past stuff, how it started, how I'm scared how fast this has all taken its grip again, how I'm trying to nip it in the bud because honestly on top of everything else, if nothing else I just don't have time for this right now.


And the response?


"You're a healthy weight so I don't think there's anything to worry about."


Given a pamphlet on increasing self esteem.


Thanks, mental health professional. There's nothing quite like being told you're not skinny enough to be taken seriously to kick an emerging eating disorder into overdrive :)

[Help] im kinda disproportionate
Created: Sun Nov 11 11:03:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w5x4r/im_kinda_disproportionate/
my bodys getting a little disproportionate. my shoulders are quite a bit wider than my hips since ive been losing weight in my legs. anything, like specific work outs or something, that i can do to help me lose upper body weight?

My roommates made a comment about how I eat the same thing every day so I just bulk bought a two month supply of my safe protein bars so I can eat in my room and never use the kitchen :) :)
Created: Sun Nov 11 10:55:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w5ul1/my_roommates_made_a_comment_about_how_i_eat_the/

[Help] I can’t poo send help. 😣
/u/beeeleave [5’4 | 111lbs |19.60bmi |female ]
Created: Sun Nov 11 10:49:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w5ssd/i_cant_poo_send_help/
I am so constipated I seriously can’t go (like at all) I don’t know what to do! It’s painful and strenuous. I should have known not drinking enough water and restricting below 300 for weeks would do this but I’m shook. Send help please. 😫

[Rant/Rave] Having to “prove myself” in front of friends
/u/ihate-chicken [5’7” | CW:109.5 | 17.09]
Created: Sun Nov 11 10:48:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w5sec/having_to_prove_myself_in_front_of_friends/
My friends are all concerned about me and all comment on any food I eat or don’t eat.

help. This makes me feel so guilty lying about eating and I also feel like I’m always being watched (BECAUSE I AM)

I have to eat a lot when I’m with them but don’t want to. Ugh

Binged last night, now I'm furious with myself
Created: Sun Nov 11 10:45:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w5rdo/binged_last_night_now_im_furious_with_myself/
However I am a relentless bitch, and I will rechannel this hate into a fast and working out today. Which means listening to angry music all day to keep my momentum. I know it's unconventional but if I am sad and self loathing I can't function, and since it's very hard to make myself be happy with that sad low energy I have to choose to be angry over sad. Anger I can work with, anger fuels and drives me. And I'll use that fuel to reach my body goals at any and all costs. The pain and suffering others have inflicted on me will not make me succumb anymore to sad self loathing bullshit. I've already lost too much from others, and it is my full intention to get it back by any means, and to go beyond that. You guys on this sub are some of the strongest willed people I've seen, and the lengths you go through to get your goals is inspiring. I wish you all the best of luck with your body goals, I hope you find your redemption through your journey. This process does not need to be sad, it can be empowering, it can be your great overcoming. Take care of yourselves both body wise and mind wise, they are two sides of the same coin. The two things you have total and complete power over, the two things you must guard and grow to being a force this world can't take from you.

Social anxiety vs ED anxiety hell
Created: Sun Nov 11 10:41:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w5q61/social_anxiety_vs_ed_anxiety_hell/
Went to Starbucks today to get a gingerbread latte cause ya girl loves herself some seasonal white girl drinks. I order like normal, nonfat milk and without whip. When I get handed the drink I noticed that the barista added whip and started to panic about the extra 60 calories because we all know EDs are very rational.

And *then* I panic about asking her to remake it without whip because they're super busy and I don't want to disturb her. In the end I drank it but I just feel so shitty and wish I didn't. Or I wish I would've said something, but social anxiety and the fear of inconveniencing someone got the best of me. :/

Basic Monster photo, I know. It’s my first time trying an energy drink and I don’t know how I feel about it. Love that it’s zero calorie but it’s hard to trust
/u/BluntCakes_ [5’7 | CW119 | 18.6 | GW112 | 18F]
Created: Sun Nov 11 10:13:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w5gx7/basic_monster_photo_i_know_its_my_first_time/

[Tip] PSA: Ricotta cheese is 1 cal/g
Created: Sun Nov 11 10:10:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w5fzn/psa_ricotta_cheese_is_1_calg/
Meaning a big ass 300 g tub is 300 calories. Mix it with 200 g of strawberries (65 cal) + stevia and a squeeze of lime and you have a gigantic, super creamy dessert for 365 calories.

Bonus: it's also really good on toast with a drizzle of honey.

My co-worker brought in donuts 😅
/u/blabberbomb [5'2 | HW: 185 | CW: 175 | GW: 120 | 25F]
Created: Sun Nov 11 10:07:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w5f89/my_coworker_brought_in_donuts/
I ate a little less than half of one and felt disgusting so I c/s the rest. Thank u lord for a coworker free break.

I finally managed to rly purge the other day. I was sick and so nauseous that I just felt like I NEEDED to throw up (or shit, but I went from too much shitting to not being able to shit at all in 12 hours bc my life is a joke). I have an impossible time throwing up. Even when I'm super sick, throwing up is always a big long process involving ages of nausea and dry heaving and crying over the toilet beforehand. I tried eating to see if it would push me over the edge, but instead I just felt worse. So I took my time and really tried and it worked! Def didn't purge everything up, but tbh that wasn't the real goal anyway. I dont have any interest in doing this regularly either to be clear. My teeth are expensive and jacked up already just by genetics lmao.

But now for some reason I feel super duper in control. My bf and I were busy all day yesterday and didn't eat all day so we got a bunch of sushi (my weakest weak spot) and I ate half of mine, waited a couple hours, and finished the rest when I wasn't feeling stuffed anymore.

I just don't want to feel full and gross again tbh.

I had been doing rly well and then fell off for a few weeks, but I feel like I'm back now.

[Discussion] What’s your daily meal routine like?
/u/ArkhamBrothers [5’1 👻 CW:117 👻 GW:90 👻 F]
Created: Sun Nov 11 10:01:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w5d8q/whats_your_daily_meal_routine_like/

Breakfast: white monster

Lunch: apple

Dinner: no dinner

[Discussion] DAE like their face more when they fast?
Created: Sun Nov 11 09:59:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w5coa/dae_like_their_face_more_when_they_fast/
I've been noticing lately that whenever i fast i start to like my face a little bit in comparison to when i eat and i feel like its round and chubby.
Like i feel my nose a bit smaller although thats like not possible.
Idk maybe its just my brain tricking but i kinda like it more.

[Rant/Rave] Some good news after a week of being sick
/u/lilmisssuccubus [161cm | CW: 52kg |BMI: 20.1 | GW: 46.7kg | -28.3 kg | 26F]
Created: Sun Nov 11 09:55:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w5bcw/some_good_news_after_a_week_of_being_sick/
I remeasured my height after my doctor said I was 163cm and my bf said I was 159 cm. I’m 161 cm! 2 cm higher than I have been measuring my BMI and goals by! The difference isn’t huge but it makes me feel so much better.

Of course my goal weight hasn’t changed but now I am so close to having a BMI in the teens!

I feel like I'm on the verge of a relapse.
/u/chrysanthemym [🌻 she/her | cw: 134 | gw: 115 | vegan 🌻]
Created: Sun Nov 11 09:51:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w5a3j/i_feel_like_im_on_the_verge_of_a_relapse/
I feel like I'm on the verge of an eating disorder relapse and I just need some support.

Several days ago, ever since I came across that photo of an actor who I adore who was underweight, I've been feeling this deep desperate nostalgic pit in my stomach that keeps eating at me and reminding me of my disordered past of eating.

I'm not sure what else to say or what else to type other than I could desperately use some sense of support. I'm so terribly hurt and afraid right now at what I'm feeling because I so deeply wanted a holiday season where I wasn't freaking out inwardly about the amount of food I'm eating. I so deeply wanted one holiday season that isn't tainted by calorie counting, taking EC stacks and drinking absurd amounts of coffee, and denying friend outings because I was terrified of eating to much.

I just want to have one holiday season where I can actually enjoy, relax, and have fun and feel connected to the family around me without being terrified of eating too much, but I'm so afraid that's going to be messed up because I feel so immensely on the verge of a relapse.

Any at home exercise routines?
Created: Sun Nov 11 09:50:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w59vw/any_at_home_exercise_routines/
Hey girls! Do you know any good exercise routines on YouTube to follow? I won’t be able to hit the gym in at least two months because I’m out of a car and a tad broke, but I don’t want to loose sight of my goals 🤷🏾‍♀️
Any recommendations of things to do at home? Thank you!!

[Help] will i gain weight from this?
Created: Sun Nov 11 09:18:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w5046/will_i_gain_weight_from_this/
i drink like, 3 monster rehabs a day. 25 calories each, 4 grams of sugar each. logically no, but im still paranoid. does anyone know for sure?

Vegan Desserts at 50-100 cals/serving
Created: Sun Nov 11 09:17:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w4zya/vegan_desserts_at_50100_calsserving/

[Other] ... or having an ED 😂
/u/Braseford [5"3.5 | CW 133 | SW152 |24F]
Created: Sun Nov 11 09:15:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w4z9b/or_having_an_ed/

[Discussion] I told my friends about my ED
/u/BlurJAMD [5'4" | CW: 135lbs | -15lbs | M]
Created: Sun Nov 11 09:14:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w4yw9/i_told_my_friends_about_my_ed/
I guess I'll flair this as a discussion post. How did your friends/family react when you told them?

My friends had stayed over at my place, and we'd been drinking quite a bit. I'd relapsed in SH the day before so I had a lot on my mind...Right before I went to sleep I told my friends about both. They were so supportive, and have been through the same shit, but I'm so happy they know. It's like a *weight* off of my chest 😉

Site with low cal desserts, vegan options
Created: Sun Nov 11 09:11:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w4y5s/site_with_low_cal_desserts_vegan_options/

[Rant/Rave] Thiccc
/u/0ClandestineCat0 [5’0 | CW:110 | GW:105 | 🍑KuroNyx | F]
Created: Sun Nov 11 09:09:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w4xd9/thiccc/
While at a party last night people began making thicc jokes about the arepas that were being cooked and then this girl turns to me and says “you know, you’re a little bit thicc!” which was hurtful, but I simply replied with “thank you.” This guy then turns and says “I’m so glad you see it as a compliment!” Little does he know that because of that comment I’m gonna starve myself for at least 3 days and restrict even more than I was originally planning to this week. Fuck it all

To add insult to injury
Created: Sun Nov 11 09:01:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w4v9k/to_add_insult_to_injury/
Not only have I been binge eating so hard lately but I went on a day drunk facebook creeping sesh yesterday and my boyfriends ex girlfriend is literally a model now so now I feel so bad about myself. Not to mention the fact that I have to take his daughters backpack back to her mother today and she's way skinnier and prettier than me too. Hooray for my life lol.

[Rant/Rave] H&M vanity sizing and obese model rant
Created: Sun Nov 11 08:56:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w4tse/hm_vanity_sizing_and_obese_model_rant/
So I’ve lost a total of about 27ish pounds. I’ve been pretty excited about my weight lose and decided to treat myself last night to some online retail therapy. And wtf do I find?! H&M changed their clothing sizing. So now 26-28 waist is a small and 29-31 is a medium. Since when did 31.. okay.

So I’m reading through the comments of people who’ve bought things I like and some are like “way oversized- 2 stars” others are like “fits true to size!- 5 stars” and I can’t help but get exceedingly irritated. Im stressing out about buying a basic ass v-neck shirt.

Like I’ve worked my ass off to lose weight and now h&m is just passing out participation trophies to anyone.

The vanity sizing is going overboard and now I’m questioning what’s even the point of losing weight if I won’t even be able to find clothes my size once I hit goal 🙄 When I first started trying lose weight I couldn’t wait to wear a size 0-2 again and now I undeservingly can. Like I think the body positivity movement is great- but all this lashing out on skinny girls, true sizing, models and “fuck a salad” mentality needs to stop.

I saw an article today where this morbidly obese model (not shaming, she was just very much obese) said “most men want a plus-sized babe” HAHAHA... okay girl tell yourself that if you want too. And that she’s proud of herself. But for what though? We put models on pedestals because we can’t be them! We know how hard it is to say no to pasta and pizza. To workout 6 days a week for hours and to pass on dessert. Majority of us can’t or don’t want to be that dedicated. That’s why models get praised and paid for it🙄 it takes minimal work to pick up your phone and order Uber Eats.

If you want to eat whatever the fuck you want that’s totally fine, but I’m not sure why it’s being promoted like an accomplishment and I don’t see why a size 2 can’t just be a fucking size 2. Ugh.

TLDR; fuck the world

[Intro] Ahhh Guess I’m in This Now
/u/SD329 [5’6.5 | 145 | 23.1 | -22 | F]
Created: Sun Nov 11 08:52:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w4sim/ahhh_guess_im_in_this_now/
Since being a young girl I’ve struggled with my eating habits- I also had a best friend who was hospitalized during our teens for Ana, and we’d basically go days bonding over not eating. She called me a wannarexic, which still lingers in my mind. Classic kind of story. Got fat in my 20s from depression/ toxic relationship/ too much booze. Have been steadily losing since the past summer- I started off being so proud of myself for doing it ‘healthily,’ while also secretly falling back into my old habits. And god, I’m feeling so good right now. But also fucked up. We’ll see where this goes. Just wanted to share- there’s no one in my real life I can talk to about this. Thanks for being such a nice place you guys & girls

[Discussion] Recovery isn't possible if ED behaviors BECOME your identity
Created: Sun Nov 11 08:35:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w4npe/recovery_isnt_possible_if_ed_behaviors_become/
I'm one of those goody-two shoes types that hides all of my bad behaviors because I have a respectable job and I want others to think I'm a normal person. Yet, I've never totally fit in and was bullied a lot as a kid for being different.

But underneath that facade of "normality," I love the fact that everyday I try to help/harm myself by eating as little as possible. It's like my own private "FUCK YOU" to the normal world.

The reverse is also true--when I'm in binge or b/p mode, I also feel like it's a huge middle finger to all the cultural norms that prescribe "healthy" eating strategies.

In other words, my ED behaviors actually are a big part of my identity. It allows me to maintain my "outsider" status in an otherwise normal world. This is why I think recovery is actually undesirable.

DAE have a similar story? I'd love to hear it.

Resource I used to find a therapist
Created: Sun Nov 11 08:23:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w4ko3/resource_i_used_to_find_a_therapist/
I didn’t want to put the website name in the title because i was worried I would get flagged as an Ad but it genuinely is a great website if you’ve never heard of it. Anyways check it out if you’re looking for help?? You can filter the results to only show u people who fit ur insurance or if you’re specifically looking for a psychologist or counselor you can filter for those also.

Idk maybe it’s common knowledge but I had genuinely never heard of it until a week ago


[Tip] Low cal vegetarian options
Created: Sun Nov 11 08:14:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w4i07/low_cal_vegetarian_options/
Hi guys,

I was wondering if you had any low calorie vegetarian meal options. I do eat eggs, but I also enjoy cooking with tofu as well.

I absolutely LOVE hot sauce so anything with spice would be wonderful. I find I’m more full when I use hot sauce or salsa.

Please post any *low* cal options below. Trying not to go over 350-400 cals per meal. Thanks fam. 💕


chocolate cravings?
Created: Sun Nov 11 07:48:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w4b1q/chocolate_cravings/
what are safe foods for chocolate cravings?

[Other] Nothing is impossible
Created: Sun Nov 11 07:04:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w402w/nothing_is_impossible/
After reading one of the posts from this sub, I suddenly had a feeling that nothing is impossible. I can reach my goal weight if I try hard enough. So yeah. I will keep trying and not give up until I reach my goal weight. (!)

Perhaps, for those without ED, my thoughts are kind of inlogical.. i mean, no one would wanna be super underweight in order to feel good about themselves, right?

I feel that by reaching my goal weight, I will be happy and feel a sense of satisfaction. feels like i have conquered something each time my weight gets lower and the ability to resist food.

[Rant/Rave] 99.8 lbs this morning
/u/2ndfirstday [5'5" | 101 lbs | 16.8 BMI | -3 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Nov 11 06:58:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w3yho/998_lbs_this_morning/
Fucking. Finally.

Book suggestions?
Created: Sun Nov 11 06:36:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w3tbd/book_suggestions/
I want to read more and my favourite ‘genre’ is anything to do with mental health etc, especially if the character is a teen because i love being able to relate to the characters. Any suggestions?

[Other] Weightloss supplements
Created: Sun Nov 11 06:31:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w3s5x/weightloss_supplements/
So we all know starvation mode is bullshit, but I wanna lose weight faster and seem to be having some trouble (not looking on advice to be more strict, dont fuck up the cal count,ect ect...I know what to do😂)

Okay so I know some of yall EC stack which I havent tried yet.

But does anyone else use other supplements like hydroxycut or thermofit (itworks)

[Help] My boyfriend kissed another girl
Created: Sun Nov 11 06:24:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w3qpp/my_boyfriend_kissed_another_girl/
My boyfriend, who I've been with for 3.5 years and has been the love of my life and been nothing but supportive and loving, drove over to me today absolutely distraught, confessing that he got way too drunk last night and kissed another girl. He doesn't remember how it happened, he only remembers a mental snapshot of pure regret (his words). He said it's the biggest mistake of his life, and that he can't believe he's jeopardised what we have for nothing. Guys, I'm absolutely devastated. This has come out of nowhere, we're meant to be going overseas next week. I don't want to eat anything. This has brought out all my insecurities, fears and I'm scared my eating disorder is going to spiral. I don't know why I'm writing this out to a group of strangers, but the only two friends I have are overseas at the moment, so I'm incredibly alone and petrified. I'm absolutely devastated. I don't know what to do, I just want to give in completely to my eating disorder

Instant miso?
Created: Sun Nov 11 06:17:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w3p5n/instant_miso/
Went to lunch with a friend the other day- she got sashimi but I stuck with just eating her miso soup. I’ve never had it and its SO GOOD. anyone know any American grocery stores where I can buy the instant powdered kind???

Self-sabotage when i'm near a goal weight
/u/fearnloathing98 [5'6| CW 53kg | LW 37kg | Female]
Created: Sun Nov 11 05:53:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w3jl3/selfsabotage_when_im_near_a_goal_weight/
For the past MONTH i've been so near to 50kg, but every time I see the number 50 on the scale it's like a switch is flipped in my brain so i'm constantly fluctuating between 51-53kg and it's the most frustrating thing ever. How do I get out of this?? It's times like these that make me wish I hadn't "recovered" (physically at least) the first time around.

The realisation that even if I get thin I’ll still be me
Created: Sun Nov 11 05:42:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w3hki/the_realisation_that_even_if_i_get_thin_ill_still/
Even if I got to 70lbs (My lowest weight and my new goal weight) id still have my face, my memories, my scars, my acne, my stretch mark, my disgusting personality and no friends.

Nothing is good in my life except from the idea I may be skinny again one day, I know it won’t improve all the other things but I can hope.

[Rant/Rave] I am an actual tube of toothpaste
/u/audreyhepburnwho [no binge October~ Halloween goal 68kg cw 73kg]
Created: Sun Nov 11 05:30:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w3f9w/i_am_an_actual_tube_of_toothpaste/
Anyone else? Basically I've been losing a lot on my legs more so than anywhere else. I'm not measuring but i can see the progress through clothing. The ridiculous and annoying thing is: I'm generally bottom heavy, but my legs had a very nice shape imo. No gap to speak of but my calves are strong and proportional to my thighs if you get the gist. Basically the shape was perfect, just needed everything to have less volume. And, we're getting there! The thing is, my calves are considerably thinner, and the lower part of my thighs as well. So basically I'm developing a gap that goes up from my knees and stops a few inches before my crotch. And then it curves a lot inwards. Same happen with the outer part, like before, there was kind of s straight line between my knees and hips, which was nice. But now, because the lower part of my thighs is thinner, I'm very much curvier both on the inner and outer sides, hope this makes sense. Like basically if you were to draw my bottom half before, it was pretty much a pyramid from hips to knees and then a nice curvature for the calves. Now, my calves aren't curvy anymore which in comparison makes my thighs seem bigger, and halfway up through my thighs it widens a LOT until my hips. It literally looks like I've put ON weight on my hips!!! But it's just because the lower parts are smaller. And it's so annoying because i didnt mind too much not having a thigh gap but now that i have this mini gap im staring at the pockets of fat that are right beneath my crotch before the thighs thin out. Makes sense? Basically it literally looks like someone squished my calves and knee area and moved all the fat upwards. Like when you squish a tub of toothoaste and it becomes paper thin on the bottom and full on top. I used to be overall average now i look like i have these massive hips in comparison. I swear it looked better in leggins before. Kinda annoying but I'm gonna keep going and hope it balances itself out, like i just need to lose now on the upper part of my legs and i hope it happens soon, not that i start losing somewhere else first because this shape is ridiculous

[Discussion] Do collarbones look prominent only when you flex?
/u/ribbet-the-rabbit [168cm| ??kg| ]
Created: Sun Nov 11 05:21:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w3dqo/do_collarbones_look_prominent_only_when_you_flex/
I don’t really know how to explain it. But I’ve seen these girls with super prominent thinspo online but I’ve never seen it in real life. So is it only possible when you strain your collarbones to make it pop? I know several super skinny girls at my school and they don’t have prominent collarbones in any of their pictures??

[Sticky] Sunday: Share your favorite recipes!
Created: Sun Nov 11 05:13:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w3c26/sunday_share_your_favorite_recipes/
Looking for memes? [Right this way~](/r/ProEDmemes)!

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! November 11, 2018
Created: Sun Nov 11 05:10:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w3bf1/daily_food_diary_november_11_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for November 11, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

Starting a 4 day fast! Who's in?
Created: Sun Nov 11 05:05:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w3aik/starting_a_4_day_fast_whos_in/
So I binged pretty hard last night and in true Bulimia fashion I'm going to try fasting for 4 days. Anyone else wants to join? Would be really helpful to have someone else to stay motivated!

[Discussion] Face full of food + proposal??
Created: Sun Nov 11 04:48:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w37gn/face_full_of_food_proposal/
Ok so yesterday I finished my first ever 24 hour fast, which I got to 26 hours (yay). Mostly because I was meeting my LDR bf and he's panned for Five guys.

Yes babe I love five guys.

So as we were talking and I was shovelling food into my gob he made the remark "I'd love to marry you, will you?"

And I was like yeah sure *continues to shovel food into mouth*

And I think he was serious guys, like he said "no really, will you marry me?"

Like I'm sat there in the middle of five guys unable to speak because of the amount of burger in mouth lol.

So I'm trying to say why would you do this in five guys while I'm eating and he translated my gobble into "time and a place, got it".

Soo like what do I do at this point? Just continue on with everyday life? Expect a random proposal round the corner?

Anyone else had moment like this??

[Rant/Rave] I finally had a Pumpkin Spice Latte
/u/twa1238 [F25| 158cm | CW 🐄 |]
Created: Sun Nov 11 04:46:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w371y/i_finally_had_a_pumpkin_spice_latte/
I spent years wanting to try it, but never did. I know- you can order them with almond milk and all, but I just couldn’t let myself have one.

Right now I’m at a coffee shop with a friend (not Starbucks) and had an expensive delicious looking pumpkin latte with full fat milk instead of the small tea I had planned. Hated it. Thank god.

(There was skin on the milk. I had to chew which makes it a full regular healthy meal)

[Rant/Rave] Sunday is my favorite ❤️
/u/orthoreXXX [23F | 5’4” | cw 110.6 | gw 99 | bmi 19.4]
Created: Sun Nov 11 04:45:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w36ym/sunday_is_my_favorite/
I have all day to hide out in my apartment, binge on anything I want, rewatch my fav nostalgic tv shows/anime, and see absolutely 0 people all day 😍

Y'all, I have a confession
Created: Sun Nov 11 04:26:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w33ea/yall_i_have_a_confession/
I have become addicted to watching mukbangs, especially Nikocado Avocado! His eating videos are so gross, and you can just see how he piles on the pounds while GORGING himself on fast food and junk. It's hypnotizing, honestly, eating half an orange and drinking a cup of tea with 0 calorie sweetener while he stuffs his face with thousands of calories of food. It's so motivating and sort of fascinating the same way gross pimple videos are...

[Other] I just spent the past 6 hours looking at recipes I'll never make. One could call me a foodie.
/u/frankxcastle [5'4 | CW: 123 | HW: 160 | F]
Created: Sun Nov 11 04:23:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w32zw/i_just_spent_the_past_6_hours_looking_at_recipes/
It's 10pm. Since 4pm, without anything except for a bathroom break, I've been browsing recipes. Delicious calorie-dense recipes like banana bread, fudge brownies, home-made gnocchi oh god...

Tomorrow's menu, however, will include my specialties: coffee (with foamed almond milk), porridge (with blueberries and a dash of cinnamon), rice cakes (accompanied by a jar of salsa) and baked vegetables (drizzled in anything but oil)

[Rant/Rave] Trolls are so disgusting, find something else to waste your time on.
/u/ribbet-the-rabbit [168cm| ??kg| ]
Created: Sun Nov 11 04:17:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w31w7/trolls_are_so_disgusting_find_something_else_to/
So some random dude just messaged me sending unwanted meanspo. I know it happens to a lot of us on here and this is the first time it happened to me. I generally consider myself an insensitive person but idk why it really affected me. It kinda made me want to delete all my posts on lurk this subreddit instead. I’m so sick of them, please get a life and stop harassing girls with EDs.

Is it just me?
Created: Sun Nov 11 03:27:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w2tea/is_it_just_me/
idk if this is just me but i can never lie in bed without stretching out my body to make me feel like i have a flat stomach...
like i cant sleep in a ball cause i can feel all my fat bunched up and it grosses me out
idk if that made sense but is that weird or do other people do that too

[Help] Fat composition on eyelid? I’m
/u/ribbet-the-rabbit [168cm| 75kg | 26 | 10kg | F]
Created: Sun Nov 11 03:21:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w2sc5/fat_composition_on_eyelid_im/
I’m East Asian and naturally I have a really small double eyelid fold that looks hooded some days. I lost a lot of weight in the last couple of months and I’ve noticed that my eyelid changed as in the crease is now created by the brow bone like some western people. Has this ever happened to anyone. I used to have quite puffy eye lid area and now it’s more concave. Should this be cause for concern. Honestly I’ve never worried about my face much but I’m obsessed with having the “perfect” body. Now I’m kinda scared...please tell me that some one else has experienced this :((

Need help breaking the cycle
Created: Sun Nov 11 02:37:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w2l35/need_help_breaking_the_cycle/
Just found this subreddit tonight. I've suffered from binge eating and bulimia for several years now although I haven't purged since I got pregnant with my daughter, nearly two years ago. About a year ago I started going to therapy and got on anti-depressants. My husband is in the military and we moved to another country. My binge eating has gotten out of hand, I've gained 8 lbs in almost 3 months. I am compulsively eating, when I try not to I just think about food I just obsess about it until I give in. I seem to have forgotten everything I previously learned and I need some help from people who have been in this position. How were you able to pull yourself out of this cycle again? My pants are all too tight and my breasts are bulging out of my bras, I hate the way I look.


I want to go back to therapy but unfortunately where we're at no one off base speaks English, and this base doesn't have therapists who specialize in eating disorders so I feel kinda stuck right now and on my own.

Have you ever known anyone with an ED who didn't also have another mental illness?
/u/tornessa [5'2"| 107 | 19.6 | F]
Created: Sun Nov 11 01:11:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w26ye/have_you_ever_known_anyone_with_an_ed_who_didnt/
Can an ED be a stand alone thing? Like no major depressive symptoms, no major anxiety symptoms, just mostly an ED.

I know it theoretically can, I'm just wondering if anyone has experienced this themselves or known anyone who has.

[Rant/Rave] "You've lost weight!" "So have you!"
Created: Sun Nov 11 01:07:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w2690/youve_lost_weight_so_have_you/
We also high fived. ;)

[Discussion] Daily calorie goal
Created: Sun Nov 11 01:00:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w2511/daily_calorie_goal/
Want to get a feel of everyone’s goals atm. Mine is 1000, I’d like to go lower but every time I do it ends in tears (week long binges).

What’s your daily goal?

[Rant/Rave] I’ve noticed how fat my arms and my inner thighs have gotten. I don’t know how to live with myself and to stop eating fucking hell
Created: Sun Nov 11 00:23:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w1z0g/ive_noticed_how_fat_my_arms_and_my_inner_thighs/
Why does my body need to eat??????

Oh Honey Pie
/u/RichardStarrkey [6'0 | CW:FAT | GW:55kg | M]
Created: Sun Nov 11 00:21:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w1yi2/oh_honey_pie/
Yes the titles are themed on the new Beatles remix.

Before you need it, you wanted it. Unwavering and raw confidence. A wedding, birthday, vacation in Rome. Wine is flowing like your words. You're a legend. The thought of your power makes you weak in the knees.

Hey lady, what do you do? You're an artist. Well so am I. What drives you really, cause we both know with creating something, there's an effect that we try to get away from. Our lives. That's it, yeah, our own merry lives. Your dad died two years ago. Not a day has gone where he isn't in your mind. You haven't fucked since then, have you. Of course not. Neither have we all. We're stuck. What's that you're drinking? Pour me some. I'd like that.

I hope it rains tonight. I'm a working man. If the weather was fucked twenty years ago, school's closed. It isn't the same with work. It there's a hurricane gliding its way through houses and libraries, you're making those calls. There's money to be made. Serve the food. Tell those rich buggers they can have more at any time at all. Lava cake, soft shell crab. Fettuccine Alfredo with extra sauce. Avarice is the word. It is the way it has to be. Without cheese and turkey, what use would thanksgivings be?

You saunter off because you're bored. You've gotten every word out of this woman. You're thinking of the next girl when there he was. Just standing there like a peacock. His beret has feathers on top. This man has to be good. Hello. How are you? It's alright. I just need a drink. Well, what do you want? I don't know. I'm avoiding beer this time, my wife doesn't like it. She's right there if you want her opinion too. I'll have a martini. Classic, I know. What else can I order? I don't know. You laugh. He walks away. Nobody is looking at how nervous you are. Try to smile, please. The night is not over. Not as long as you need another drink.

You're tired and alone now. The man have exhausted and bored you. The women are tiring to speak with. You can't do anything. You just want something. Atop the music, echoing and ringing off the carpet walls, fading and then dying in the distance, a soft and gentle ballad. It shows how you were and how you're meant to be. Except now, you're drinking alone. You chose that before. You're choosing that again.

I can consume the universe
/u/bhbubeepy [5'3" | CW: 122.6lbs | GW: 110 | 17F]
Created: Sun Nov 11 00:20:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w1yer/i_can_consume_the_universe/
Literally a week ago I passed my first gw of 120 and since then I've been eating so badly. I know I probably haven't gained much real weight but it's so frustrating seeing the scale at 124 when I was just at 119.8 ughhhhh. Once I'm restricting it's so easy. I barely crave snacks or food and I feel good just drinking coffee and having some 647 bread with marmite for dinner. But when I'm out of that zone I'm constantly fucking hungry and have no self control, I've been eating so much all week and I want to go eat even more right now. And tomorrow I have to go to a dinner with my extended family so no restriction there :) I just want to get back into losing, my goal is 117 for thanksgiving right now and I'm sabotaging myself.

Does anyone get horny when they're hungry?
Created: Sat Nov 10 23:34:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w1q9p/does_anyone_get_horny_when_theyre_hungry/
Idk why, but I love listening to my hunger pangs inside me, it turns me on. I just love feeling empty. Idk if it's bc on time I had sex on an empty stomach and felt amazing lol. Is this weird?

Alls well that ends well...
Created: Sat Nov 10 23:16:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w1mxl/alls_well_that_ends_well/
I posted a few days ago about being dumped and the affect my ED has on me during a difficult time like this. I received great support from a couple ladies on here. Well I went to his house tonight because he wanted me to try just bring his friend. Well little did he know I was just returning his shit, telling him how terrible he is, then I went to my friends house and hung out with a couple people that ACTUALLY care about me. First time I went over 1k cal in the last month (1020 lol) but it was totally worth it! Had a couple shots and realized I’m worth more and if he can’t also realize that on to the next one. I’ve found such amazing support in this community that I could never find in real life.. so thank you guys :)

[Rant/Rave] Finally had a really good day!
Created: Sat Nov 10 23:14:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w1mg6/finally_had_a_really_good_day/
My last few posts have been mostly raging about nothing so I thought I'd share a little happiness in the hopes that it'll be contagious.

Today was actually really, really good. Like, I should've bought a lottery ticket.

First big snow of the year that I was all concerned about? Crushed my first 10k run in 1:20 in it.

A computer store with a free coffee machine to slurp on while I was ranting about the discontinuation of the 1080s and how 1070s weren't shit because you can't run them in SLI and don't get me started on how the 2080 is fake hype trying to force early adoption because RTX is hardly supported on mainstream hardware to a group of nerdy dudes while my husband looked on in pride? And the hot ubernerd total goals saleslady coming over to talk threadripper after my mic drop tirade? Fuck yeah I'll take it.

Said husband feeling guilty that he spent too much money on himself at the aforementioned computer store and buying the Saucony Ice shoes I stuck in the Amazon cart when I freaked out about impending snow a couple days ago? Ohgod I am not worthy.

And lastly but most importantly I Did. Not. Binge. At. Friday's. I had a nekkid side salad, broccoli soup, and left the croutons and breadstick on the side pretty as you please. Dessert? Never heard of her.


[Other] Purged for the first time in 10 years
Created: Sat Nov 10 22:25:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w1cro/purged_for_the_first_time_in_10_years/
I dont really know why I did it. I thought I would feel bad after I did it but I don’t, I just feel nothing.... when I realized I’ve lost over 100 lbs (I knew the number but never processed it til now I guess) I drank all day and then made myself a “fat meal” of 2 full eggs, breakfast potatoes, sausage, mayo, and cereal. I ate the cereal and some eggs and just got so upset and threw it out. I went outside in 20 degree cold without a jacket and puked my guts out in the backyard in the pitch dark and snow. I told myself I couldn’t go inside until I was empty. I need to lose 100lb more but im just so tired.

30 mins later my mouth still hurts and I can’t feel my hands and I smell like puke. But I don’t feel bad. I mean I feel guilty because it’s a bad thing to do but I don’t really feel bad about myself for doing it. I forgot about the rush i get from doing it, i dont want to start again because i already have issues with my gums and i dont want to ruin my teeth, but damn i want to do it again.... I’m sorry if this is a stupid thing to post but i have no one to talk to and I dont ever get a response on EDC.

[Intro] Intro of a BED/Bulimic trying to get her life together
Created: Sat Nov 10 22:17:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w1b58/intro_of_a_bedbulimic_trying_to_get_her_life/
Hello, I’ve been lurking for ages and finally made an account because I need to hold myself accountable. I’m 18 and have undiagnosed bulimia (but i mean it’s pretty self explanatory) and BED. I also dealt with self harm for 1.5 to 2 years.

I have been binging for at least a solid month and had stopped purging after doing it for five years, but really have had to put more effort into it lately.

I want to keep a sort of log that I can update on a whim. It’s also comforting that there seems to be such a nice nest of support regardless of goals.

Here are some things I’d hope to achieve:
I’d love to stick to any calorie limit, as no matter how high I set it I always go over and binge.
I also want to be consistent with exercise.
I want to to expand my cooking skills and perhaps share some recipes with you guys sometime!
Of course, keep up my purge-free streak! (as of now 40days!!)

So, I guess here’s some more personal and interesting stuff!
I love to draw and do other artsy things, enjoy pretty much any music, lots of YouTube, absolutely love animals, am vegan, and love cooking; all for starters! I’m being kinda vague because depression made me lose interest in everything but I’m getting there.

[Rant/Rave] Anyone work at Starbucks?
Created: Sat Nov 10 21:59:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w17e7/anyone_work_at_starbucks/
My barista was so helpful with my panicked questions, and it made me less stressed. I was ordering a coffee frappe and I asked for skim milk, no cream, and any syrups to be ‘diet’.

Without skipping a beat she repeated it all back to me, and offered to half the ‘base’ syrup they use. I don’t know the calories fully because of this but I’m so much more relaxed.

Just wanna say Thank you to anyone who works in food service and helps people with their requests. I’m always scared people will give me full fat something or non diet but honestly this has restored some of my faith.

If anyone works at Starbucks, I’d love to know the calories in the base syrup? I know my drink is skim milk, coffee, ice, and SF vanilla syrup so my cal count is definitely low.

[Discussion] Hot take: Salad should come with dressing on the side by default.
Created: Sat Nov 10 21:52:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w15w3/hot_take_salad_should_come_with_dressing_on_the/
I hate ordering a salad, asking for like vinaigrette or ranch with it (neither of which I want too much of because one can be really unpleasant in large quantities and the other is extremely fattening) and it comes to me with the dressing poured all over the top, to the point where the leaves are soggy and limp.

I mean, yeah it's my fault for not specifying that I want it on the side, but it's a little insane to me that they (usually) absolutely drown the salad in dressing, and that they think this is what the typical salad-eater wants. If I wanted all of those calories, I would have ordered pasta.

And as a side rant, does anyone even know what a salad is anymore? Hint: if the salads at your establishment are primarily made up of bacon bits, cheese, or other toppings, it aint a salad. If it's mostly peas (which is what I got on my salad just now), it aint a salad. In fact, if the majority of the salad is something OTHER than leaves, it aint a salad. The waitress made me explain to her what a garden salad was today because apparently no one ever orders that, and what i got was a single tomato slice, a beet slice (the top part that you usually throw away) and a heaping pile of cold peas, smothered in vinaigrette with maybe like 4 lettuce leaves.

TLDR: salads at restaurants usually suck and they drench them in dressing to the point of inedibility.

Is this just my whiny ED brain saying this, or what?

[Discussion] What's your average daily calories and how often do you binge?
/u/frankxcastle [5'4 | CW: 123 | HW: 160 | F]
Created: Sat Nov 10 21:47:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w14z1/whats_your_average_daily_calories_and_how_often/
Curious to know what others do. I'm stuck in a binge/restrict cycle, eating 700-1200 most days, but twice a week binging on over 3k. I feel like I have no self-control compared to a lot of people on here, especially when I read the daily food diary thread and people eat less than 500 daily.

I binged and I hate myself
/u/LolitaJane [169cm | CW 80.9kg|-6.2kg| 31F]
Created: Sat Nov 10 21:42:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w13u3/i_binged_and_i_hate_myself/
I was doing so good. I just hate weekends, they are so unstructured and I just...ate and kept eating. I purged I think three or four times, with my wife sitting in the egg room and blessedly unaware.

I hate cookies and bread and myself. I shouldn't have had those soft boiled eggs this morning. I should never eat before 4 pm because I am weak and stupid and will justify an all day binge every single time.

I will drink some coffee and take four or five bisacodyl and tomorrow I will drink a bottle of magnesium citrate. I'm not going to weigh myself tomorrow probably.

Also I'm a bit drunk now because why the fuck not. I'm kind of relieved my wife is ruminating over a shitty voicemail from her mom; I can't even pretend to feel sexual right now.

I just took a shower with the lights on and didn't even think about it
Created: Sat Nov 10 21:20:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w0z3h/i_just_took_a_shower_with_the_lights_on_and_didnt/
For YEARS I have always taken showers with the lights off. If I take it in the day, the scant light coming through the window is all I would get. At night, I would turn the flashlight on my phone on and put it on the counter. I hate seeing a glimpse of my naked body in the mirror or when looking down and I avoid it at all costs.

Tonight I took a shower with the lights on. I didn't even notice it. The light was already on in the bathroom when I went to take a shower so I guess I just went with it. Afterwards I went to turn the light off and realized I never turn the light off after my shower because it's always already off.

I think this is some sort of weird progress for me. I wasn't hyperaware of my body. I think I'm getting a bit better.

[Rant/Rave] Binged all weekend
Created: Sat Nov 10 21:08:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w0wfe/binged_all_weekend/
I have been binging all weekend I just can’t stop eating junk food I feel like such a failure I’m going to put on so much weight and ruin all of my progress so far why am I so stupid???? It’s literally just a matter of NOT EATING but I can’t even get that right! I never want to eat again but I know I will because I have no control

[Help] Im struggling with binge eating should I try this?
Created: Sat Nov 10 20:53:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w0t41/im_struggling_with_binge_eating_should_i_try_this/
800 calories
No bread nor meat
Only vegetables, fruit, diet soda, and water
If I dare think of eating any bad foods I must do 30 jumping jacks
I must hurt myself for eating any bad foods
If I eat any bad foods I must purge them by vomiting them up.

I keep on having these thoughts of doing this but it feels very scary. Like I'm about to go down a dark path. I just want to be thin so I'm like by some girl, I hate my ugly fat.

[Discussion] Who are your favorite aesthetic Instagramers?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 105-107 | UGW: 94 | F]
Created: Sat Nov 10 20:41:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w0qeo/who_are_your_favorite_aesthetic_instagramers/
I feel like for me it’s super inspiring to see people with aspirational lives (even if they’re fake), and I’m curious which ones you guys like.

[Rant/Rave] Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh
Created: Sat Nov 10 20:41:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w0qc2/ughhhhhhhhhhhhh/
I live with my family at the moment so there are too many people around to b/p as much as I need to. You can hear everything in this house. So basically I have been just binging so fucking much lately and I don't know why and I'm so depressed about it. I weighed 171.4 2 weeks ago and weighed 182.8 this morning. I want to crawl in a hole and never come out. I know part of it is water weight but holy hell I don't know why I can't get myself under control. I have to start restricting again and pronto. I'm so close to just going back to using laxatives to purge like I used to.

Is body dysmorphia real? Please help me
Created: Sat Nov 10 20:37:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w0pct/is_body_dysmorphia_real_please_help_me/
I’m just curious. I don’t mean to be rude or try to say that the disease is fake to insult people that battle with it every day. My question is if someone sees themselves as fatter than they really are in the mirror wouldn’t they know their clothes are loose? If anorexics see others as they way they really are let’s say they saw a overweight person and tried their watch or something to see how big their wrist was. Wouldn’t the watch be way too big if the anorexic person had lost a ton of weight? I’m just trying to understand how anorexics view themselves in the mirror and why they feel pressured to lose weight the way they do I’m sorry if this comes off in a negative way.

I got mansplained on how to lose weight on tinder
/u/alcoholhas2manykcal [5'4" | HW: 245 lb | CW: 174lb | GW: 120 lb | 23F]
Created: Sat Nov 10 20:35:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w0ow4/i_got_mansplained_on_how_to_lose_weight_on_tinder/
After evangelizing the virtues of going to the gym, he legit told me he sometimes has to have his "clients" (personal trainer) eat more to lose more weight. And that what you eat matters more than the number of calories. And that I was gonna put myself in starvation mode eating 1000 kcal/day. Oh, and that walking doesn't burn the "kind of calories you want to burn." WTF

Oh, and that he had lost weight eating 3000 kcal/day. So obviously that would work for me, a blobish 5'4" female, if it worked for him, a muscular 6'1" male.

You guys, it was so fuckin frustrating. The arrogance. Legit, he said I was beyond his help when I told him he was misinformed. Has anyone else encountered this level of arrogant delusion?

Side note, he also said I was a problem in this country when I said I didn't care about my health.

Whatever, after all that he spent like an hour trying to get me to come over, so in the end he's the idiot who wants to fuck a fatty 😂🤣

[Discussion] Curious as to how you guys count calories
/u/ihate-chicken [5’7” | CW:109.5 | 17.09]
Created: Sat Nov 10 19:58:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w0gds/curious_as_to_how_you_guys_count_calories/
I feel like everyone has different views on this:

If you’re aiming to restrict under 600 (just an example), do you mean 600 total or 600 net calories.

What I mean is would you count it as “meeting your goal” if you ate 900 calories but worked out 400 so your net calorie intake is 500 (under your calorie goal)

Just want to know peoples thoughts because I go back and forth on this

So my friend said he was going to get me some protein.
/u/brattyfawn [5"1.5 | CW 105 | GW 97 | 19.1 | F]
Created: Sat Nov 10 19:51:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w0eqe/so_my_friend_said_he_was_going_to_get_me_some/
As per the title, I've got a friend who lives in another state and loves the gym. He got really excited when I signed up because he's so passionate about it and wanted to send me some protein. I hate accepting gifts but he'd already bought it, so I relented and told him to post it over.

(He knows I've had an ED in the past and knows my current stats but last time I saw him I was at my HW so he's supportive of me losing weight via the gym.)

The parcel got here today. AND GUYS, this motherfucker didn't just get me protein. He got me:

* Vegan salted caramel protein.
* Vegan chocolate protein.
* 8 different protein bars.
* Name-brand (read: not cheap) boxing gloves.
* A name-brand gym bag and water bottle.
* Hand wraps.

All of that plus postage would be like, $150? Maybe more?????? I feel so bad but grateful at the same time?????

It's like I have a sugar daddy for the gym but PLEASE LORD DO NOT LET ME BINGE ON THE PROTEIN BARS.

This has been a post.

/u/saltsplendasriracha [5'7"| CW 121 | GW 113 | +8 | F]
Created: Sat Nov 10 19:38:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w0boo/gold_mind_of_info/
So for anyone who has gained back weight after being at their LW, my happiness will resonate. Since a medical emergency that fucked my diet back in March, my mind has been in chaos because I don't trust food at all. I keep gaining and I'm panicking because I straight up don't remember how to eat.

Well tonight I had an epiphany. I looked on MFP back to my glory days of getting to my LW. I totally see what I was doing and how I'm not doing that now, and I can 100% get back into that diet tomorrow. I loved it. It was good. I was skeletal but I passed the bar exam. 500-600 cals/day.


I am so happy!!

Started seeing a therapist
Created: Sat Nov 10 19:19:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w07bb/started_seeing_a_therapist/
I really like her. I think this is going to be good. Barely touched on food issues, mostly just about depression and trauma. But when she asked about appetite I was like hohoho let me tell u about that roller coaster for a sec, and briefly went over body issues as a kid. Idk I’m optimistic even though I’m horribly depressed and everything’s falling apart. Though if I didn’t have my appointment with her to look forward to, stuff would be a LOT worse.

I love my boyfriend
Created: Sat Nov 10 19:17:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w06pw/i_love_my_boyfriend/
He’s been sending me pics of his food nutrition labels.
I’m vegan and he’s not so we eat different things, but he’s aware that I just like to know what/how much he’s eating and I think it’s sweet 😌

[Discussion] Please go see the movie Beautiful Boy
Created: Sat Nov 10 19:16:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w06lt/please_go_see_the_movie_beautiful_boy/
It's about a boy named Nic who struggles with drug addiction through periods of relapse and recovery, and is based on memoirs from Nic Sheff & his father David Sheff.

Obviously not an ED movie, but even though I don't struggle with addiction, I felt like the movie really captured a lot of what I feel and accurately depicted the difficulty of recovery. WITHOUT glamorising - which is why I hate most ED movies and memoirs.

Beautiful Boy is just raw and honest and I think it's really relatable for people with eating disorders. It just made me feel really understood and I would absolutely recommend it.

[Other] What I Learnt in Real Recovery
/u/to-be-a-feather [5'2 | 100 | 18.3 | SW 130 | 19F]
Created: Sat Nov 10 19:04:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w03l9/what_i_learnt_in_real_recovery/
Hi guys. It’s been awhile.

Last time I checked this sub I was in relapse. I got all the way down to 68 lbs(I was 75 during my initial row) and was aiming for 50. I don’t know what got into me, but between all the bones and dry skin, I suddenly decided I missed being alive.

So, here I am. 121 lbs, got my period for the first time in a year(without the aid of prescribed hormones this time). I haven’t weighed myself in a month. I still log calories but only to check my macros because I weight lift now. Hi, booty. I got back up this far without a doctor, without IP/OP/PHP. I did it, with the support of my girlfriend(now fiancee!), and myself.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I was practically dead at 68. I probably should’ve gone IP. If you feel like you want or need IP, do not take this as a sign you don’t need it. This was also an incredibly stressful ordeal, and more stressful than it would’ve been for me to go IP. Anyway, onto what I learnt.

I learnt that it’s very hard to take myself seriously in early recovery. Old habits die hard. When I got to 101 lbs again(healthy BMI), I decided I was no longer victim to anorexia every other meal and so I no longer had to eat every meal because I was “healthy again”. Logic, right? Being hungry again was terrifying, but something I missed. It was incredibly liberating to not be terrified everytime I felt hungry. I could eat now. I learnt that I’d fallen in love with my illness and it was a very abusive relationship. My anorexia just wants me dead. It doesnt care to help me, just kill me. It doesn’t love me. It loves what it can do to me.

I learnt that burning old jeans that, at size 00, were too big for you was heartbreaking and beautiful. I felt like a pheonix. Rising out of my ashes. I went from the smallest sizes in kids to a size 2 in womens and I’m suddenly a new persob. I learnt that I missed the feeling of eating a pint of B&J’s on my period and experiencing that again was fantastic. I learnt I could laugh again. I learnt that being cold in July was not my pride but was actually really bloody annoying. I learnt that I still have anorexia even though I’m healthier and happier, because anorexia is an illness and not a shirt I put on and take off as I please.

I learnt that I’m worth life. That my thighs touching does not make me less worthy of life and love. I learnt that my thighs touching again was scary as Hell and was one big wave I had to resurface from. I learnt I am still fertile and I learnt I can cry of happiness that same day. I learnt actual ramen is really, really good(never had it before).

And I learnt I will never miss this place. It feels like walking into a memory I should’ve forgotten.

Whatever happens to you all, I hope you find happiness. I hope you find peace. Maybe it seems impossible now, but I hope you won’t always hate yourself. I hope you learn some really great things too.

Keep swimming. I won’t forget all that you taught me, either; but those are lessons I plan to keep secret ❤️


Packing for residential?
Created: Sat Nov 10 19:03:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w03e7/packing_for_residential/
Those of you who have gone residential/inpatient, what things did you find helpful to pack or wish you had brought? In addition to the basics- shampoo, conditioner, toothbrush, etc. So far I’ve got cozy socks and books. Any suggestions?

[Discussion] What food do you c/s?
Created: Sat Nov 10 19:03:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9w039q/what_food_do_you_cs/
Just curious, what kind of foods do you guys chew and spit? Any particular favorites?

[Discussion] Movie suggestions to watch while I binge?
Created: Sat Nov 10 18:44:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vzyg3/movie_suggestions_to_watch_while_i_binge/
Y’all I bought so much food. I’ve never done this before, usually my binges are on whatever shitty food is in front of me, but I’m fuckin stocked and stoked.

Looking for something light. Not sad or scary or too intense.

Please and thank you :)

well, haven’t ate in 24hrs and i’m headed out to drink...let’s pray i don’t humiliate myself
/u/kiddogambino [5'3 | CW: 127 | GW1: 110 | GW2: 99]
Created: Sat Nov 10 18:27:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vzufg/well_havent_ate_in_24hrs_and_im_headed_out_to/
title says it all, because why make good decisions, right?

[Rant/Rave] Reflexively ordered a screwdriver and I’m ok
/u/Isaidbiiiitttttttchh [Height 5’9”| HW:216| CW:150 | GW: 132 Gender: F]
Created: Sat Nov 10 18:23:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vzta1/reflexively_ordered_a_screwdriver_and_im_ok/
I’m very proud of myself. I was planning my first drink in the car (vodka soda) but I’m so used to ordering a screwdriver that I accidentally ordered it and it didn’t sink in until I had 3 sips.

The world did not end. I’m not freaking out. This is littereally my first time having juice for 295days. I don’t usually like to “waste the calories”

You guys I’m really proud of myself 😁

I never feel like I’m burning enough calories
Created: Sat Nov 10 18:21:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vzsxt/i_never_feel_like_im_burning_enough_calories/
I’ve been working out all week and feel great! And like somehow my brain has made that a problem. Because obviously if you’re not dying and sweating profusely, you burned 2 calories. I don’t trust MFP. I don’t trust the calories burned on the machines. I have a heart rate monitor that converts the calories and I fucking lost half of the components, so I can’t use that. So I’ve just been pushing myself to work out for at least 1.5 hours each day or else feel like a fat pig. It’s great 🙃🙃🙃

Finally shat myself (CW: gross)
Created: Sat Nov 10 18:19:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vzsak/finally_shat_myself_cw_gross/
I've been messing around with laxatives for the better part of a year, so it's really been only a matter of time. I had an event I was going to go to tonight but skipped it cause I was afraid of the food, so at least the other parts of my ED saved this from happening in public. Just sitting it home in my underwear, six hours after taking twice as many laxatives as I should have,and I stretched and yawned a little and suddenly my underwear was full of greasy, liquidy poop. As I waddled to the bathroom it dripped artistically down my legs and on the tile, a lovely mess I'm going to clean with bleach and still never feel is clean enough.

And you know what? It doesn't matter. My reaction was entirely "oh." Just an inevitable, something I was definitely expecting on some level and have already come to terms with. I shat myself and it's not gonna do a damn thing to stop me from abusing laxatives. And it probably won't be the last time I do this either!

So glad to experience the full beauty and aesthetic of this fucking disorder.

Does anyone have any opinions or experience with the weight loss supplements at stores like CVS/Walgreens?
/u/chrysanthemym [🌻 she/her | cw: 134 | gw: 115 | vegan 🌻]
Created: Sat Nov 10 18:18:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vzs2o/does_anyone_have_any_opinions_or_experience_with/
Things like "Lipozene", "Hydroxycut", "Garcinia", "CLA", and "Stacker 3 Ephedra"... Does anyone here have any experience with these and if they actually work in suppressing your appetite and cravings?

[Other] Received a Counterfeit Bill, now I can’t eat this weekend
Created: Sat Nov 10 18:12:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vzqnw/received_a_counterfeit_bill_now_i_cant_eat_this/
Well I guess I’m out $10 and therefore don’t have the money to fucking eat this weekend. Not like I actually needed to or anything since I’ll be at my boyfriend and not at home.

An avocado made me cry.
/u/ohmylambda [5'9" | F| CW: 150 | GW: 125| BMI: 21.75 |]
Created: Sat Nov 10 18:10:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vzq45/an_avocado_made_me_cry/
I'm not sure why I thought forcing myself to eat a whole avocado would work in my favor. I figured 'Hey I've been absolutely relentless to my body today, I've eaten almost nothing this week, and I'm incapable of focusing due to not having energy. I should have this thing because it's healthy. It'll be great." It wasn't great. My boyfriend walked into the kitchen, saw me sitting at the table with a 1000 yard stare, and slowly backed away when he realized I was crying.

Hope everyone else is having a nice, stable night lol

When I’m sick I eat for therapy
/u/7M7j7KGMM8uuwNnW [63" | CW 145lb. | GW 120lb. | BMI 26 | -24lb. | F]
Created: Sat Nov 10 18:07:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vzp8m/when_im_sick_i_eat_for_therapy/
I just got over a cold. I feel like I’ve gained 10lbs but I won’t actually check because what if I really have? Anyway I eat more when I’m sick. When I’m healthy I fast & eat only my safe foods. I’m on the end of a cold and can finally commit to restricting again! STUPID COLD SEASON! How am I supposed to stay skinny af if I keep getting sick!

Gonna load up on Zicam. Can’t be dealing with this bullshit haha

[Help] Vitamins = weight gain?
/u/jaksusu [5’2 | 119 | 21.6 | F ]
Created: Sat Nov 10 18:04:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vzoqq/vitamins_weight_gain/
I know this is irrational and the answer is most likely no. But, is it at all possible?
My weight was going down pretty consistently up until I started taking them (and I’ve been eating less since), and I’ve been stuck at 119 for 6 frigging days now. It’s driving me nuts!

Please tell me I’m just plateauing and it’s a coincidence???

[Rant/Rave] I’m having a binge and god fucking damnit I’m gonna enjoy it
Created: Sat Nov 10 18:02:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vzo5u/im_having_a_binge_and_god_fucking_damnit_im_gonna/
My OMAD today (Planned cheat) is (almost) a bottle of wine, a shit ton of air-popped popcorn and the 2004 “Phantom of the Opera” movie.

Plz forgive me, I’m extremely wine-drunk as I post this, but god fucking dang it I will enjoy this binge bc it will (hopefully) be the only binge for the rest of the month.

I can do it.

back after a long hiatus
/u/audreybelle_ [5'3 - 15f ]
Created: Sat Nov 10 17:58:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vzn8l/back_after_a_long_hiatus/
i really missed being here although i rarely posted lmao

after binging for two weeks and eating 1,500 - 2,200 calories and gaining four pounds i guess it’s time to come back here

missed u guys xox

[Help] Tomorrow needs to be a good day of 100 cals
/u/saltsplendasriracha [5'7"| CW 121 | GW 113 | +8 | F]
Created: Sat Nov 10 17:56:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vzmi0/tomorrow_needs_to_be_a_good_day_of_100_cals/
I’m going to lose my mind. Woke up at my HW today (though likely due to dehydration) and forced myself not to bail on a day trip with friends. On said day trip, I had to do wine tasting and dipped the bare min. I also got ravenously hungry. So after 6 egg whites between morning and lunch I had

-turkey deli meat and a tomato slice out of a sandwich
- several of those dark disks from Chex mix (I NEVER EAT CARBS)
-a baby carrot
-2 laughing cow light cheese wedges (70 cals total)

I came home, again ravenous??? Maybe because it was fucking freezing and I was chillled to the bone for 6 hours outside at a winery with zero heat lamps or indoor areas.

So I just ate 3 egg whites.

I’m crying my eyes out. Y’all my face in our group pic is fatter than I’ve ever seen. TOMORROW I am fighting my exercise and activity obsessed urges and I’m going to lay in bed all day eating NOTHING.

[Rant/Rave] I’m at another low point. I literally just threw away everything edible I own except alcohol, including food my mom drove 100 miles to bring to me today. Feels like shit, man
/u/ignorado [🍑: ignorado]
Created: Sat Nov 10 17:49:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vzkpg/im_at_another_low_point_i_literally_just_threw/

Created: Sat Nov 10 17:42:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vziwn/how/
I feel like I’m a terrible boyfriend. My girlfriend has ED and I said something recently and it triggered her into wanting to long term fast again. I didn’t mean to. Idk what to feel or do. I just want her to be happy. How can I be a supportive partner, how do I not mess up. I just want to make her happy. I just want her to be happy.

[Help] discord servers?
Created: Sat Nov 10 17:35:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vzhbh/discord_servers/
the one I was a part of was deleted. anyone have any invite links?

[Help] I’m losing fucking everything
/u/broketreebranch [AN/BP 🍑: dancinghare]
Created: Sat Nov 10 17:35:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vzh7n/im_losing_fucking_everything/
Relationships. Work. My grad program. Sanity. Emotional stability. And I’m not even at my lowest weight yet.

I want to not care about my weight or food. But I don’t think that’s possible. Why return to treatment again when I’ll probably relapse YET AGAIN. It’s always only a matter of time. Idk what to do anymore.do I try recovery again? Or do I keep going till I lose every thing and/or die??? It feels like it’s my destiny to suffer with this the rest of my life, however long it ends up being.

[Goal] About to enter a weekend with my biggest binge trigger.
/u/lunarmoth_ [5’5”| 145 | 24 | -20 | 23F]
Created: Sat Nov 10 17:30:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vzfvu/about_to_enter_a_weekend_with_my_biggest_binge/
I am in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. I’ve eaten sub 1000 calories all week and I’m super proud of myself. I’m very worried about seeing my boyfriend and his family tonight because they all eat a ton of food. My boyfriend snacks on super sugary, carby foods and is always eating late at night. His mother is very pushy with me about eating, always making me food and trying to get me to eat seconds and thirds. There are multiple boxes of wine on tap. Basically it’s a nightmare lol. Sometimes I wish I could isolate myself from everyone I know to lose my weight and just ... pop out of the woodwork in the spring, hairless, skinny and new like a spring chicken.

I don’t want to crack. I can do this! I can control myself. I will allow myself a maximum of 1000 calories Sunday and Monday, fast Tuesday and Wednesday (or eat up to 800 calories, I have to go see my grieving grandma and I want to be in a good mind state to support her), and eat 1000 calories Thursday, Friday and Saturday due to big, important work projects.

[Rant/Rave] guess who’s back feeling like shit?
Created: Sat Nov 10 17:30:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vzfvg/guess_whos_back_feeling_like_shit/
spoiler alert: it’s me

[Other] i had a normal day???
/u/crossdressingcarp [5’10 | 21f | cw: 🐘 | 🍑🐻]
Created: Sat Nov 10 17:25:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vzejt/i_had_a_normal_day/
had pancakes for breakfast with a friend and didn’t feel guilty about it or tried to compensate and then for once i didn’t think about food all day and i went to get dinner at the grocery store and picked something i really like without looking at the calorie count first and at some point i even had liquid calories like, who am i???? and the kicker is i still finished the day on a 1500 calorie deficit???? science

Grocery shopping for the week completed 👍🏻
/u/FameuxCelebrite [5’6|CW: 140|GW: 120|-40 lbs]
Created: Sat Nov 10 17:24:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vzegz/grocery_shopping_for_the_week_completed/

Saw this on tumblr, can relate
Created: Sat Nov 10 17:20:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vzdab/saw_this_on_tumblr_can_relate/

The ED starter kit, thanks Amazon
Created: Sat Nov 10 17:20:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vzd8g/the_ed_starter_kit_thanks_amazon/

[Help] HAVEN discord server (deleted AD server) - momma hen
Created: Sat Nov 10 17:17:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vzcj6/haven_discord_server_deleted_ad_server_momma_hen/
it’s momma hen, pls dm me if you were a part of it and have people as your friends!

my account was deleted including my alt... unfortunately that means the second backup server which I hadn’t transferred ownership to also was deleted.

if you know:
- Jack
- fawn
- bri
- lee

please dm me. ty

[Help] What are my chances of inpatient?
Created: Sat Nov 10 17:14:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vzbkj/what_are_my_chances_of_inpatient/
I’m meeting with an eating disorder specialist next week at the Melrose Center in Minneapolis. I’ve lost 25 pounds in the past 2 months, but my BMI is 19.6, so not underweight yet. I am 17 years old and suffer from Crohn’s Disease, which the anorexia is causing to flare up, so I’m at a higher medical risk even though I’m at a healthy weight for now. I’m not sure if I want to go inpatient or not. I’d like to once I lose 20 more pounds and qualify as underweight, otherwise I’ll feel like a fake the whole time. Do you think the doctor will recommend inpatient? Is there anything I could say to avoid it? Anything I could say to guarantee I’ll be put in?

[Rant/Rave] I dont even know where to begin.
Created: Sat Nov 10 16:48:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vz4pf/i_dont_even_know_where_to_begin/
The past weekend has been an intense one, one that has made me realise my health is more important than being thin.

Ill start from Friday night. Me and my friends were planning to go to a bar, we met at one of our houses beforehand to start drinking. I was wearing semi revealing clothing and its the first time in months my friends have seen my body not covered in layers of baggy clothes. As soon as I walked in they kept going on about how thin I had gotten, how much weight I've lost and that I have no boobs or ass anymore. Of course I was extremely flattered but they said these things in such a concerned tone a small part of me was worried that perhaps I was becoming too thin.

Fast forward to around 12 that night, I hadn't eaten since 6pm when I had half a banana so the alcohol was hitting me hard. I must have let something slip about food (because I can't stop talking about it even though I know it makes my ED 10x more obvious to my friends), which then caused one of my also drunk friends to call me out of the fact I binge in front of people but starve myself when Im alone. The reason she knows this is because she's the person I usually smoke weed with which always leads to a 3000+ calorie binge. Mind you this guy I like was there and she was saying all this in front of him. I was so embarassed.

After drinks I went back to the guys place, we got high (not the weed kind) and ended up staying awake all night, not a wink of sleep. Saturday morning I went home and the first thing I did was weigh myself. 1.3 kilos lost. I was ecstatic. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. At 47 kilos and my BMI officially being 'underweight' I had finally achieved the thing I had been striving for since I relapsed a year ago. Even under my parents watchful eye I had managed to drop almost 16 kilos.

Because of the night I had I thought it would be wise to eat SOMETHING so I had one sushi that I found in the fridge and tried to sleep.

As I was laying in my bed my rapid heart beat and anxiety ridden thoughts became increasingly obvious. I went over what my friends had said, the overnight 1kilo weight drop, the fact my body was already damaged from the first time I had anorexia. I thought about how much damage I must have done this time.

After a good nights sleep I feel better, but the night I had made it clear to me. We only have one life and how long we spend on this earth, with the people we love is determined by how well we take care of our body. My constant struggle to be skinnier and skinnier is destroying it. Each time I relapse takes years of my life, I know this. My bones are brittle, I'm deficient in so many things and Im exhausted on the daily.

It wont be easy but from now on Im trying to make more of an effort simply to eat. Just eat 3 meals a day, proper, adult meals. Sorry for the length of this post, for anyone who has read this far, thank you for listening.

14 miles wasted
/u/Capt_butter [5' 11" | 151 | 21.1 | GW: 115 | 17M]
Created: Sat Nov 10 16:40:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vz2la/14_miles_wasted/
so i went out on a hike today and my group ended up hiking 14 miles, which over a thousand calories burned. but then my parents took me out for dinner, again, and it was at a fucking buffet. and i can never control myself with food in those situations. so now all the work that i had done is gone. fuck

[Other] I don't want to be the fat one any more
/u/yellixis [160/ 5'3" |cw: 60kg | FtM]
Created: Sat Nov 10 16:27:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vyyxz/i_dont_want_to_be_the_fat_one_any_more/
I'm sick of everyone talking about how much I loooove food, how I am constantly stuffing my face, how "if you were a deadly sin you'd be gluttony", how I am a bottomless pit who binges until all the snacks are gone. How I'm "chunky" how I have thunder thighs.

Random list of comments I just can't get out of my head from friends and family who have no idea how hurtful they are being.

Friend after realising I was FtM trans: "I had no idea! I guess I didn't notice your boobs because you're chubby I thought it was moobs"

Friend after visiting and staying with me "Your portion sizes are HUGE I have no idea how you eat so much it's crazy"

"Do you EVER stop eating?"

"Oh my god hide the food yellixis is here!"

"You've always been a chunky girl" (double shots fired with this one...)

I could go on. And on. And on. I just sent my boyfriend a bunch of teary texts about my ED mixed with a fight I had with my mom and he is ignoring all the ED related ones and only responding to the others...It's making me feel so stupid. I feel like no one ever takes me seriously. No one will ever think I'm small or cute or athletic or cool. I'm always going to look chunky and Womanly, with my 28" legs and 36" hips...kill me honestly. Isn't it fucked up that all this makes me want to do is BINGE until I'm sick?

[Rant/Rave] Shopping is so fun now..and I’m broke because of it?
/u/asiaticlily [5’10 | 131.2 lbs | -49 lbs | F22]
Created: Sat Nov 10 16:13:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vyv11/shopping_is_so_fun_nowand_im_broke_because_of_it/
I used to dread shopping because I’d usually begrudgingly buy a few items and call it a day.. then proceed to feel like shit for the rest of the day. I went shopping today to buy a winter jacket, and had the complete opposite experience. Both sales ladies in two separate stores offered to get me my size when I was interested in a jacket and said, “an XS or small?” Guysssss. It’s so fun to shop now. I’m working out at the gym now with a smile on my face. I’m like 500$ poorer, but damn it. Buying clothes is just too enjoyable now. I feel like I need to make up for all the years I spent in highschool and college dreading every trip to the mall. I’m like “Whatever” to the money rn. Treat ya self. Retail therapy works, confirmed. 👏🏻 here’s to a good day for me. I needed one after the month I’ve had.

[Rant/Rave] My wide ass hip bones
Created: Sat Nov 10 16:03:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vysmd/my_wide_ass_hip_bones/
Id look so much skinner if only I didnt have wide hip bones and wide shoulders... I have no fat on the sides of my hips so my bones stick out but I still look huge from the front, but stick skinny from the side wtffff

Kinda proud of avoiding a binge
/u/Serenescence [5'8 | CW 121 | GW 105 | 19F]
Created: Sat Nov 10 16:03:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vysjk/kinda_proud_of_avoiding_a_binge/
Bf is staying over and he was hungry for takeout so we got some being delivered soon. I could have easily ordered a burger/pizza/chicken along with him, but I only ordered a side salad and small fries. Obviously the fries aren’t perfect but still, at least I have more control than a few weeks ago 💕

[Discussion] ProEDers who hate their hips...
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 105-107 | UGW: 94 | F]
Created: Sat Nov 10 15:51:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vyp68/proeders_who_hate_their_hips/
Has anyone ever tried one of those hip slimming corsets? They’re meant for people who have just had a baby but I’m wondering if they would work otherwise.

Sleeping problems
/u/minicemilo [167cm| CW:50.5kg| BMI:18.1 | GW:47kg| Gender:F]
Created: Sat Nov 10 15:44:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vyn4x/sleeping_problems/
I like going to bed hungry. But whenever i do so, i can’t sleep well and always wakes up after 5h. Anyone experiencing this too?

[Rant/Rave] Accidentally Consuming Liquid Calories
Created: Sat Nov 10 15:42:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vymnu/accidentally_consuming_liquid_calories/
This is my first post on here. Sorry if it’s not right. I’ve been following my diet so well recently. Up to week 5 of ABC, I’ve only gone over my target once. Today, I was happy because I’d had 4 mugs of 7up and I’m notorious for not drinking enough. But then I found out it wasn’t sugar free. I’m so upset and I keep thinking about how stupid I am. Think I might have to add in an extra fast day tomorrow. How do I make myself feel better? I’m really not coping with life at the moment.

welcome to the proED campfire sleepover! ✨
/u/BEDBulimic [153cm | CW: 55.8 | GW1: 55 | -8.2 | 20F]
Created: Sat Nov 10 15:40:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vym6f/welcome_to_the_proed_campfire_sleepover/
Let’s share embarrassing ED stories around the campfire and send love!!⛺️🔥✨💛

> 1. What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve done to avoid food

> 2. What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve done to get food?

I’m in a mood to get cozy and not feel so alone so here’s some air popped popcorn, SF choccy, and low cal moscato to get us started 🍿🍫🥂. Now spill the beans pls!

When youve been fasting all day cause youll be home alone tonight and can eat an entire pint of B&J's for dinner without judgement...
/u/KatIsFab [157 cm | HW: 64 | CW: 56.40 | BMI: 22.88 | GW: 55 | F |]
Created: Sat Nov 10 15:39:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vyluu/when_youve_been_fasting_all_day_cause_youll_be/
and your fucking parents decides to host a dinner party for a bunch of strangers instead of going out to eat. Never mind then. Im just gonna go hide in the basement for the rest of my fucking evening. No biggie. Stuff like this always throw me off completely, and now I just want to sit and cry in my room all night.

I told my friend last night...
/u/PoorLama [6ft | CW 188 | BMI 25.5 | Weight Lost 12lb | Gender F]
Created: Sat Nov 10 15:32:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vyjwg/i_told_my_friend_last_night/
So I've been trying to put a positive front to my friends. So I twist the truth of how I'm actually feeling to make them think I'm okay so they don't feel bad.

So last night I told my friend "I've lost 17lbs!" All cheery and shit. Unfortunately I got hella depressed later and admitted it was actually closer to about 25lbs lost since September and I lost it in an unhealthy way....

I haven't heard back since my last message and I'm just fucking terrified that they're thinking I'm weak or that I'm a drag on them. But let's be real, I definitely am. :-(

I wanted to poop, not die: a limerick
/u/inconceivable-- [20F | 5'5'' | CW oops | GW 93lbs | 🍑 inconceivable ]
Created: Sat Nov 10 15:29:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vyj1w/i_wanted_to_poop_not_die_a_limerick/
There once was a girl named Max

Who dared to take five dulcolax

The pain was unbearable

Her pants now unwearable

Nothing’s spared when your butthole attacks

I wanted to poop, not die: a limerick
/u/inconceivable-- [20F | 5'5'' | CW oops | GW 93lbs | 🍑 inconceivable ]
Created: Sat Nov 10 15:28:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vyivx/i_wanted_to_poop_not_die_a_limerick/
There once was a girl named Max

Who dared to take five dulcolax

The pain was unbearable

Her panties unwearable

Nothing’s spared when your butthole attacks

I wanted to poop, not die: a limerick
/u/inconceivable-- [20F | 5'5'' | CW oops | GW 93lbs | 🍑 inconceivable ]
Created: Sat Nov 10 15:28:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vyip9/i_wanted_to_poop_not_die_a_limerick/
There once was a girl named Max
Who dared to take five dulcolax
The pain was unbearable
Her pants now unwearable
Nothing's spared when your butthole attacks

[Rant/Rave] That feel when you easily walk off the bag of chips you ate in one sitting at work
/u/ManWithTheHands [6'5" | CW230 GW 200 | 23.35 | -103 | 19M]
Created: Sat Nov 10 15:25:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vyhwm/that_feel_when_you_easily_walk_off_the_bag_of/
I love working at target lmao, I take ~2.5k steps/hour lmao

[Rant/Rave] I feel like dirt
/u/AugustusMarius [5'1 | 195 | 36.8 | -25 | M]
Created: Sat Nov 10 15:24:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vyhm9/i_feel_like_dirt/
I haven't felt like this since the middle of college when I almost failed out.

Like I can't do anything right.

Like I don't deserve anything.

I feel like a shadow of myself.

But at least I've lost 5 pounds.

[Rant/Rave] The smaller I become, the larger I feel & other thoughts
Created: Sat Nov 10 14:55:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vy9mn/the_smaller_i_become_the_larger_i_feel_other/
I mentioned on here that I binged 2 days ago. Because of that, I restricted heavily yesterday. I ended up doing OMAD after I got off work. I ate 275 calories. I cannot believe I didn't gain weight from that binge. I weighed myself this morning - 92lbs. (I'm a 5'1.75 female)

I feel big. I know that logically I am considered to be underweight, but I don't feel it. I absolutely hate how short I am. I lost 3 lbs in a week and I don't feel any difference. I fucking hate this. Its becoming increasingly difficult to even look at myself in the mirror. My head is suddenly too big for my body, my thighs look huge, my arms look huge. Every time I look at my stomach, I want to physically rip the fat away. Its disgusting.

My UGW was 85 lbs but I know that when I reach it, it won't be enough. I guess my UGW should actually be 75 at this point...

I hate the fact that I work in a restaurant. I hate listening to people chew and the sounds of silverware against plates. I hate listening to people say everything is 'delicious'. Jesus Christ, not everyone is able to fucking eat like a normal person. I really need to get another job. My boyfriend who also works here keeps offering me food. No. Stop it. I've said no 50 times. Do you want an attractive girlfriend or do you want a whale?

My mind is so messed up.

[Help] Help with a realistic goal?
Created: Sat Nov 10 14:46:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vy73u/help_with_a_realistic_goal/
So I’m currently about 63kg (139 pounds) at 5 foot 7.5 inches and I’m the least fit person you can probably imagine- l have a really high body fat percentage. I need to lose weight for something before February and I’m gonna do everything in my power to lose as much as possible. How much do u guys reckon that would be, realistically?

[Help] starting the ABC diet
Created: Sat Nov 10 14:36:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vy47t/starting_the_abc_diet/
hey r/proed!!!

im planning to start the abc diet next week as ive gained 11kg after 'recovery' (basically me binge eating every day for over a month - yikes). im gonna do OMAD because eating all my calories at once usually stops me from binging. im going to be eating 100% healthy food and ill take vitamins everyday. im also going to do some light exercise everyday to hopefully speed up the process.

not to sound pro-ana or anything but does anyone have any advice for dealing with such a restrictive diet that they'd like to share? or maybe any personal experiences with this diet? any help is appreciated. thank you :D

Bloody nose and headache after purging
Created: Sat Nov 10 14:35:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vy3wp/bloody_nose_and_headache_after_purging/
Is this normal? Or should I be worried

Just checking then I'll delete this

[Rant/Rave] I fucking hate social events
Created: Sat Nov 10 14:34:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vy3rz/i_fucking_hate_social_events/
I know, I know, I know.
Sometimes they are okayish.
But this evening I was unprepared because I thought the get together was tomorrow not today.
I was shocked when I realized I had just 3 hours left before I had to attend this event.
The last days I was highly restricting and I just needed some time to prepare myself mentally that I had to eat a kinda normal amount of food.
At least I was early enough to walk around before the party started, sooo in my head I just had to burn a few calories to feel better about eating something.
I was at this babyparty of my coworker and there was plenty of cake and a big buffet.
I sat down and I feared the cake because usually I cant stop when I start eating cake.
Lucky for me the cake was kinda dry and didnt trigger me but I felt like everyone stared at me and I could get away with just half a piece of cake.
So I ate one more tiny cupcake and some other fancy looking mini roll of puff pastry.
I dont know why I thought that I had to est more. Now I think that probably nobody had noticed besides my coworker, which sat next to me. What a waste. It didnt even taste good.
But you know Im not a baby nor a kid person. So when my coworker asked if we shall drink some Cola+Rum I was like „sure, sounds good“ whilest in me there was this pure hate against myself that I would drink calories.
And of course I drank two glasses full of this devil beverage.
Beforehand I thought I could get away with just drinking water... you know, to keep the damage to a minimum.
At least we tried baby foods and I got to eat some smashed apple with banana. I got a good reason why I just got some tomatoes and a little chickenthing for dinner.
Not like anybody asked me.
But what if they were talking about my eating habits behind my back?
You know.. the overweight girl eating little to nothing. How pathetic. She must just have phase and tomorrow she will binge again.
I know thats what I always thought and now Im afraid people could think it about me.
How pathetic.

But here I am.. had a good reason to leave early and walked straight for two hours home.
I know that I didnt consume enough calories to gain. But I also know that I consumed more calories than I would have had to. Just because Im too afraid of people asking whats wrong. Just because Im trying to fit in so hard I would rather hate myself afterwards.

[Rant/Rave] DAE just feel..... stuck?
Created: Sat Nov 10 14:32:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vy33b/dae_just_feel_stuck/
I dont have the energy for an eating disorder anymore. worrying about calories, constantly weighing myself, always being shaky and cold and wasting money on binge food that i'll just throw away

But like i absolutely wont go to recovery. i'd get behind in school, my parents would be upset, i'd be stressed as fuck. I just..... cant. I dont really know what to do with myself.

[Rant/Rave] A month and a half 10lbs lost.
/u/rejected_desk_puppy [5’1.5 | CW 140| GW 113| LW 98 | F 23]
Created: Sat Nov 10 14:30:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vy2k3/a_month_and_a_half_10lbs_lost/
I was feeling stuck and sad. So I checked my super secret body check book (I track my weight and measurements as well as journal a little how that weight makes me feel at that time/what I changed to lose and how I can improve) I found out I’ve lost 10lbs in a little over a month as well as 3 inches off my waist! Not much else has changed but let’s face it the waist is the big one. Seeing it big picture instead of day to day gave me some peace of mind that this whole ordeal is semi paying off... pray for me to lose the next 10 quicker (goal is -15 by Christmas). I hope you all get a little glimpse behind the curtain of dysmorphia and daily weigh ins today too ❤️ I love when my brain sees my body as an objective science experiment it feels closer to reality. I can’t really celebrate with anyone else you guys and gals are my support system and I appreciate every one of you.

[Rant/Rave] Whenever I feel like I’ve eaten too much or feel bad about my body, I just hide in my room
/u/ihate-chicken [5’7” | CW:109.5 | 17.09]
Created: Sat Nov 10 14:16:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vxyhd/whenever_i_feel_like_ive_eaten_too_much_or_feel/
Title says it all. I just get super antisocial and kind of mean because of how much I want to be alone... I can’t help it ://

My calorie counting obsession will not ruin my band's full length album this weekend.
/u/RosenWeiss9 [5'3.5 | CW 108.4 | GW 103.5 | F26]
Created: Sat Nov 10 14:11:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vxwwc/my_calorie_counting_obsession_will_not_ruin_my/
Starting last night and until Monday morning, I'm not counting calories or restricting. I'm eating whatever I want and definitely a calorie surplus. I'm a metal drummer and need the energy to make a perfect album. This is the most important thing I've accomplished and I refuse to let myself be weak and ruin it. Monday I'll be back at it but for now, this takes priority.

Wish me luck beauties 💕

[Discussion] What's the last triggering comment someone has said to you?
/u/Bookeisha [182 cm | 57.3 kg | BMI 17.3 | M ]
Created: Sat Nov 10 14:00:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vxtnf/whats_the_last_triggering_comment_someone_has/

[Discussion] What's the last triggering comment someone has said to you?
/u/Bookeisha [182 cm | 57.3 kg | BMI 17.3 | M ]
Created: Sat Nov 10 13:59:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vxtlq/whats_the_last_triggering_comment_someone_has/

Canada and Bronkaid
Created: Sat Nov 10 13:51:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vxrc3/canada_and_bronkaid/
Where can I find Bronkaid or something similar in Canada? I want to start EC stacking.

[Rant] work is such a trigger.
Created: Sat Nov 10 13:51:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vxr7o/rant_work_is_such_a_trigger/
I work in a restaurant and it’s such an issue for me. It doesn’t help that I eat OMAD, usually around 9am, and my shift starts at 5pm and goes until 2am. Alllllllll night long I smell delicious food and watch people devour plates of my favourite foods. It’s horrific. I’m dreading working tonight because I’m already at 750cal for the day and I know I’m going to be so tempted. Heeeeeelp.

[Help] I think that I’m stuck in a binge cycle.
/u/Just-Another-Mom [5'8" | 142 | 21.5 | 43lbs | F]
Created: Sat Nov 10 13:44:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vxpgl/i_think_that_im_stuck_in_a_binge_cycle/
For most of this year, I have restricted most of the week but binged once-twice in said week. For the past two weeks however, I have been binging every other day. I’m trying so hard not to binge because I want to be small and fragile! I’m not sure what is going on with my brain but I feel like my control is gone. Does anyone have any advice?

[Help] Warm, fuzzy hugbox after b/p, please
Created: Sat Nov 10 13:43:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vxoz7/warm_fuzzy_hugbox_after_bp_please/
Ugh, so I just did it.

I already knew this morning after getting up that it was not going to be a good day (in general, not food wise). Finally got my long awaited whoosh yesterday (half a kg in one day) but had apparently gained 200 grams back this morning, despite staying way below my kcal goal yesterday. I know, I know, water weight and all that but I still resent it. To top it all off, today was a *crazy* bloating day so I already felt like an overstuffed sausage in my clothes.

When I went to do groceries, I *knew* I shouldn't have bought that hummus but I did it nonetheless. So yeah, came home and the tub was gone in ten minutes. Would actually not have been a problem calorie wise, I was still way below 1,000. But of course I feel like a failure so I decide to go do groceries again and stock up on ice cream, cereal and biscuits so I can stuff myself until I'm nauseous and full enough for a nice purge. But... Then I fell asleep and when I started purging it was about two hours after I started binging. Not that big a deal, my metabolism is usually slow enough that I'll still get most of it out and not gain, usually I either maintain or lose a little.

But still... I feel like a total failure now. I have only 39 days left to lose those last 3kg and while I know that it can be done... I don't know. At this moment I just feel horrible.

Fuck this day.


Fuck. This. Day.

Created: Sat Nov 10 13:32:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vxlz4/why_do_cough_drops_have_calories/

Freaking out about going out with my friend
/u/hopeless_anon [5'5 | SW:120 CW: 104 LW: 85 | 17F]
Created: Sat Nov 10 13:32:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vxlw6/freaking_out_about_going_out_with_my_friend/
I'm so so so anxious. Its not cool. Can my ed/ocd please just take a day off?

So I have a very specific and rigid schedule about when and what I eat. Its awful. But today my bestie wants me to go out with her to fancy tea with pastries/sandwiches etc. It sucks because I don't even like any of the sandwiches and they are very high cal

I'm probs just going to suck it up and go, but I'll just get tea and maybe a salad and a small pastry if they have that. Its suspicious as hell but at this point I don't give a fuck. She kinda knows I have issues but I just hope she doesn't give me the "you are too skinny" talk. I've heard that shit like 50,000 times.

I am determined to make it through though because she is my best friend and its her birthday and I can't keep on bailing.

send help

[Help] Give me strength
Created: Sat Nov 10 13:24:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vxjnz/give_me_strength/
Im stop hungry, I weighed in at 134.2 this morning and have been drinking my diets like no tomorrow but I want to inhale some taco bell, one never had it and done woman at work was raving about it

Created: Sat Nov 10 13:22:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vxj1z/rip/
Thought I was eating sugar free bread and butter pickles, but I bought the regular ones by accident.

[Help] Literally PANICKING about dinner
/u/wiggimal [5'6 | 128 | 21.0 | -57 | F]
Created: Sat Nov 10 13:09:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vxfc5/literally_panicking_about_dinner/
So I have two options tonight: either I’m going out for dinner with my mother (which is always a BIG thing, several courses, hours of drinking and eating and talking) OR I am having a girls night with one of my friends (involving smoking hella weed, probably getting something crazy like Chinese food, and being around snacks for hours while sitting on our asses watching movies). I just got my Ritalin refilled and I just wanna staaaaarve and feel powerful! I can’t decide what to do and I really just want to run far far away and disappear and not have to eat. I’m shutting down over anxiety over this decision. Please help.

[Discussion] Weirdest bruise you’ve ever had?
Created: Sat Nov 10 13:08:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vxeus/weirdest_bruise_youve_ever_had/
I woke up this morning to a bruise from sleeping on my stomach—it’s literally an outline of the top of my sweatpants. Just wide black/blue stripe across my stomach

I’d post a pic but I’m bloated from eating last night And too embarrassed

[Goal] 100 HOURS
/u/countdowntocontrol [5ft 5 | CW: 130 | GW: 120 | ☀️]
Created: Sat Nov 10 13:04:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vxdnz/100_hours/
At midnight I am beginning a 100 hour fast. I want to do it. I want to push myself harder than I ever have. I will keep y'all updated. Send strength. Send power.

[Other] anyone on Vora?
/u/tired_platypus [5'4 | 117.2 lbs |F17]
Created: Sat Nov 10 13:01:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vxcr8/anyone_on_vora/
hey guys, so i just got this fasting app called Vora and am in desperate need for motivation. if anyone wants to add me, my user is le_mon_ade

[Discussion] DAE restrict more when not counting calories?
/u/trickasfuck [170cm | CW: 66.8kg | GW: 59.0kg | -3.2kg | 20F]
Created: Sat Nov 10 12:54:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vxaoo/dae_restrict_more_when_not_counting_calories/
Counting calories stresses me out anyway but I’ve found that if I don’t track I actually end up eating less?? Something about not knowing exactly how many calories I’m eating makes it easier to restrict lower. Wanted to know if anyone else experiences this?

[Help] Oatmeal recipes please!
Created: Sat Nov 10 12:39:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vx6fm/oatmeal_recipes_please/
I absolutly love oatmeal, but I sadly get out of hand with what I add in (I'm talking like a shit ton of nut butter) and I seem to do better when I follow recipes, cause I won't worry about how much I put in. So of any of you could offer low calorie oatmeal (preferably high volume cause I'm sadly a high volume eater) thank you!

[Discussion] DAE rate food to remind your future self that it wasn't as good as you thought it'd be?
/u/little_tiny_pumpkin [5'5.5'' | CW 116.2 | BMI 19.0 | HW 136 | LW 90 | 27F]
Created: Sat Nov 10 12:36:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vx5kd/dae_rate_food_to_remind_your_future_self_that_it/
This morning I was overwhelmed by all the breakfast options (my kitchen was like a minefield after my 37-hour fast). I couldn't decide if I wanted to try some fancy egg thing, english muffins, waffles, nothing but coffee, lunch for breakfast, ??? Ended up doing lunch-for-breakfast (180 cal wrap) and english muffins with sugar free jam (120 cal) as the "fun" thing.

Turns out... the muffins were underwhelming. So I spent my eating and post-eating time assessing my day and deciding which items I really don't need to get excited about tomorrow lol.

Anyone else keep records like this to filter out food choices for your future self?

Am I the only overweight person not encouraged into ED behaviors?
/u/alcoholhas2manykcal [5'4" | HW: 245 lb | CW: 174lb | GW: 120 lb | 23F]
Created: Sat Nov 10 12:31:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vx460/am_i_the_only_overweight_person_not_encouraged/
I read all these posts where "no one cares if you have an ED when you're fat," encouraging heavy restriction/fasting/fast weight loss- but all my friends still tell me to eat more when i just ticked back into obese. I mean its nice that they care, but kinda wish people were encouraging me like i want them to.

idk what the point of this post is

tonight is gonna be my first time to weigh in months. but today i fucked up
Created: Sat Nov 10 12:20:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vx0zd/tonight_is_gonna_be_my_first_time_to_weigh_in/
i thought itd be a good idea to plan a binge day, to take out one day after months of good hard work where i would eat all the trash id been craving for so long. i bought it all at the Grocery store. i couldnt bring myself to eating it. i ate a bit and purged. then afterwards i tried again (bc otherwise itd be wasted money and a wasted cheatday) and purged again. then i went to a cousin's birthday. had to eat cake, bean soup and bread. so fucking stuffed right now, i wanna purge again. i'm such a wreck, i've never had such a bad day before. my appetite has decreased so much since i started restricting and i barely binge. a half meal completely fills me up.

i think i'm gonna eat a bit of binge food at the babysitting house, purge, (including the cake and beans and stuff, i cant stand feeling full) workout, weigh myself, drink tea to soothe my throat and maybe some lemon water to boost my metabolism. i'll be fasting tomorrow.

[Other] Vegan too
Created: Sat Nov 10 12:10:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vwxwm/vegan_too/

[Help] hypothetical question but also not really and I need your help
/u/twa1238 [F25| 158cm | CW 🐄 |]
Created: Sat Nov 10 12:08:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vwx9n/hypothetical_question_but_also_not_really_and_i/
let’s say someone got high, binged their face off, made the mistake to pick up the phone and text back, stupidly made a dick appointment for later thinking they’d be sober by then, tried to get the food up for an hour, failed, is sobering up and sadly also fucking bloated and fat from eating that much but can’t cancel on this thing?

hoooow could one get their stomach at least a little bit less huge in a few hours without purging?

/u/sorrowfulspookyghost [5'4 | 112.8 |19.6 | sw 180| Female]
Created: Sat Nov 10 11:59:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vwum5/uh_fellas_my_bp_session_was_ruuuined/




he. Saw. A. Centipede. Crawl. Into. My. Bathroom. And. Underneath. The. Crawlspace. Connected.
I walked upstairs and dumped the food and am shook because oh no no no I am not going back into that bathroom lmao bye

Created: Sat Nov 10 11:52:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vwsnd/breakfast/

It’s one of those days
Created: Sat Nov 10 11:47:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vwr60/its_one_of_those_days/
I started of great. Lowest weight in a year. Had broccoli for breakfast, then carrots.

And then I binged and purged and I’m binging again. I feel so sad and miserable. I keep telling myself I will not feel better after but I still can’t control it.

I want to cry and hide and hurt.

My life is falling apart and this feels like the only 'control' I have.
Created: Sat Nov 10 11:39:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vwon5/my_life_is_falling_apart_and_this_feels_like_the/
My ex left two...no, fuck, three months ago because Im a depressed distant piece of shit now.

I was laid off indefinitely on Friday, perfect timing for the holidays.

I had to sell my car to make rent because paying for the living expenses of my ex and our babies drained everything I have.

All utilities are on shutoff notice and I don't know what Im going to do about it.

BUT, I've lost 4lbs so far this month and Im 1lb away from being a normal bmi for the first time since middle school, and that my friends is keeping my sanity in tact.

Sorry, this is a throwaway and everyone irl thinks everything is all fine and fucking dandy so Im ranting here. Love y'all lots.

[Rant/Rave] Tried to paint myself as part of therapy, ended up hating myself more 🙃
/u/gingerbiscuity [5'5 | 112 | 18.60 | F/25]
Created: Sat Nov 10 11:36:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vwny0/tried_to_paint_myself_as_part_of_therapy_ended_up/

[Help] Should I eat before I drink tonight???
Created: Sat Nov 10 11:20:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vwj3j/should_i_eat_before_i_drink_tonight/
So basically as the title says I am supposed to be drinking tonight with my boyfriend and I want to get pretty drunk, but also I don’t want to consume calories. Obviously if I don’t eat then I’ll get drunk on less calories, but also risk getting too drunk. Any advice as to what I should do? I really don’t want to eat anything today because I’ve planned a binge for tomorrow, but I feel like my boyfriend might make me eat. Please help.

[Other] Read a very interesting (albeit long) story on r/nosleep today
/u/Cocoleia [5'7 | CW ? | GW 111 | F]
Created: Sat Nov 10 11:08:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vwfhe/read_a_very_interesting_albeit_long_story_on/
I know we're not supposed to link to other subs, but it is really not meant to be at all in a negative way, if this still violates rule #5 then delete it, just thought others on here would like to read the story. I will post the link




I found it interesting. Gives a unique perspective.

[Rant/Rave] Lmao change of motive or added motivation?
/u/music_saves_me [5'3F | CW:106 | BMI:18.8|GW:100| UGW:95lbs]
Created: Sat Nov 10 10:54:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vwb9j/lmao_change_of_motive_or_added_motivation/
Yesterday I weighed myself for the first time (at work where they have a scale), in a couple of weeks and Im down to 104!!
Like only four more pounds 'til my goal weight?? It's actually attainable??????
Anyways, my boyfriend picks me up and I tell him how I weigh a lot less than I thought- like I'm legitimately thinking I was weighing 108-110 and out of curiosity I ask him what he thinks I weigh, to which he responds 110 .-.
That was the fucking motivation I needed to continue on my 36 hr fast and to stick to my calorie limit for the times I do eat.
wow I really look like that. Ive been \*feeling\* good for the first time but now I have the motivation to continue to lose. But somethings different now. I don't want to lose solely for my own satisfaction of being thin but now I want others to notice. I want the slightly sickly look of being underweight. Ugh ED's fucking suck.

"No, I've already eaten today"
/u/erikafei [Height | CW | BMI | Weight Lost | Gender]
Created: Sat Nov 10 10:38:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vw6hg/no_ive_already_eaten_today/
My friend (who I think has an ED too but we haven't outrightly admitted to each other) reminded me I said this a few months ago when someone asked me if I had had dinner yet. She was laughing at it, but it took me a while to see what was strange about it. Oops.

[Other] Bout time
/u/dortuh [🍟5'8" | 113.5 lb | BMI 17.3 |25/ F]
Created: Sat Nov 10 10:37:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vw6ap/bout_time/

[Rant/Rave] I just want to wither away
Created: Sat Nov 10 10:37:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vw69v/i_just_want_to_wither_away/
I have nothing of worth to this world. I’m a complete failure. But maybe if I wither down to nothing I’ll at least be pleasant to look at while I take up space....

I’m sorry for always dumping my feelings here but I appreciate those of you who take the time to listen...

[Discussion] How to deal with parents cooking you dinner ??
Created: Sat Nov 10 10:35:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vw5oq/how_to_deal_with_parents_cooking_you_dinner/
So I still live at home and I’ll be going to uni at the end of August and I’m dying to get to my GW by then but my parents insist on making me dinner every evening and I can’t refuse. They kind of know I have an ED but no way would I be open about it to them so I can’t exactly cook dinner with them and count the calories etc. I’ve no idea what to do, I can’t eat during the day because I don’t know how many calories is in the dinner so I’m too afraid to eat anything else.

[Discussion] For the love of caffeine.
Created: Sat Nov 10 10:24:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vw2dh/for_the_love_of_caffeine/
(Not promoting what I do, it’s highly dangerous, just sharing something that made me happy)

I am heavily reliant on caffeine, and suffer from chronic fatigue. I usually take caffeinated diet pills, along with my adderall in the mornings. And even then I usually take a nap around 2-5pm

I usually have some kind of coffee, but I don’t like the drinking process, I like the taste and caffeine more than anything. I can’t afford Starbucks, so I was looking on amazon for caffeinated gum/chews/snacks.

Behold. Military Energy Gum. 100 fucking mg of caffeine PER PIECE. Holy shit I’m in love. It’s a little bitter (cause of all the caffeine) but it goes away when you absorb all the caffeine. You only have to chew for 15 minutes, but I usually chew for an hour or so. Since it’s not absorbed by the stomach, it’s almost instantaneously absorber through the blood vessels in the mouth.

I wish I would’ve discovered this sooner!! Is anyone else totally reliant on caffeine? I get migraines if I don’t have any throughout the day. I feel like it’s a common theme for EDs though, along with nicotine and stuff like that.

A shout out to SO's who always say the worst possible thing
Created: Sat Nov 10 10:18:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vw0l7/a_shout_out_to_sos_who_always_say_the_worst/
Finally screwed up the courage to weigh myself this morning. After a day of 4 b/p cycles, I lost 2lbs. I'm legit shook. I don't want to lose on b/p, it's just going to encourage me. I told my husband, I'm worried. His response was a flippant "well, sure glad you can afford to waste all that food." No, asshole. I can't afford it, but thanks for *that* being your knee jerk response. Did not begining able to afford booze years ago stop you from drinking yourself nearly to death or did you fucking pawn everything you owned to get your next drink?

I'm almost not even glad to be at my lowest weight in over a year. I'm recovered enough to not let this interaction influence my eating today but *why* am I struggling again?

[Discussion] Well meaning food workers who give you extra portions w/o being asked?
Created: Sat Nov 10 10:00:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vvuyj/well_meaning_food_workers_who_give_you_extra/
I’m not ungrateful or mean about it but it’s always unpleasantly surprising even though I act/am grateful at such a kind and thoughtful gesture but usually I restrict and when I order something, I order a specific size or meal and am prepared for that specific size or meal so when I get extra, I’m always a little bit concerned with the extra intake.

Today’s example is that I “ordered” a literal sample at Starbucks. They’re tiny cups, really, barely any bigger than a shot glass. However; the barista gave me a grande! How kind! Seriously!!
However; I have an eating disorder and asked for a sample literally to get a very small version of the drink I was “treating” myself too lol.

In rare moments, I have the desire to trash it but I hate wasting food which personally has to do with me growing up poor so I can’t really bring myself to throw things away.
When it’s not drinks I usually share or give it to a friend.

Does this happen to anyone else and when it does, what do you do?

I hate going out to dinner
/u/anyeducation [5'9"|179lbs|BMI 26.4|-25 lbs|20 F]
Created: Sat Nov 10 09:51:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vvsc2/i_hate_going_out_to_dinner/
(Warning: rant)
A group of friends and I went out to dinner last night. I was already incredibly anxious about this but I had read the menu online and was prepared to order a soup, and I had planned to purge at the restaurant after eating.
While we were waiting for our table, we somehow got to talking about tortoises and how at camp as a kid, a zookeeper came and allowed kids to stand on a tortoise's back because they can support like 200 pounds and my best friend says "were you 200 pounds in the 6th grade?" And I said "no, I'm not even 200 pounds now" and she said "are you sure about that?"
That hit me like a stab to the chest and my face immediately fell and I got quiet. My friend immediately tries to apologize and tell me she loves me, but I could tell she was only doing it to save face and not look like a jerk in front of our other friends. It consumed me and I felt like I was going to cry but somehow I pulled myself together and was okay.
Next, when we were seated and started looking at the menus, I noticed that they didn’t serve the soup that I had picked out when I had checked the menu online. I started panicking really badly and quickly looking through the menu for other things to eat. Finally, I settled on two sides.
Finally, after the meal was done, I headed to the bathroom and started to purge, but of course I hear three of my friends come into the bathroom right after me. So I couldn’t. And they told me to hurry up and stood there and waited for me. It stressed me out so badly that I couldn’t finish and had to hurry home to finish purging and I’m pretty sure I missed my window of opportunity to purge and I’m so upset about it.
Moral of the story: I’m never going out to eat again.

[Rant/Rave] Wasteful
Created: Sat Nov 10 09:51:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vvsby/wasteful/
I have a really hard time avoiding eating foods when I also at the same time am neurotic about them going bad. Especially fresh food.

That lettuce is going to go bad in two days and you WASTED money.

But I'm not hungry, fuck off.

It goes way back to how I was raised where even if I was full my family would yell at me for not clearing my full plate at dinner. Gee, wonder where the binge eating came from when you disconnect the feeling of being full with stopping eating.

Even if I buy all safe and healthy foods I have to resist not prioritizing just eating for the sake of saving it all from going bad versus not.

Also, if I ask for something simple like a bag of carrots I often get my husband coming back with THE LARGEST BAG OR THREE BECAUSE iT wAs On Sale!1! Like fuck you Costco, I can't have large bags of things in the house.

And it just justifies my binges.




[Rant/Rave] Me when I promised myself I wouldn’t eat anything today until 5pm but it’s not even 9am and I have 280/700 left on MFP
Created: Sat Nov 10 09:45:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vvqqo/me_when_i_promised_myself_i_wouldnt_eat_anything/

I hate the deeper hunger
Created: Sat Nov 10 09:44:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vvqbw/i_hate_the_deeper_hunger/
I’ve been at 900-1000 a day for a few weeks now without bingeing. Which is a good 12-1300 under my TDEE. And I’m at a point that even if I eat a normal person meal as an omad (Like I ate some sweet potato, rice, avo and tastybite lentils) I still feel hungry. But it’s different than normal hunger, it’s like a big stomachache. I’ve pnly gotten it when I haven’t eaten normally for awhile

Came back - lost 4.4 pounds in 6 days!
Created: Sat Nov 10 09:21:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vvjgr/came_back_lost_44_pounds_in_6_days/
I've been lurking this subreddit during last week. After 6 years being recovered from anorexia I've gained SIXTY pounds from the GW I had reached at that time. My weight used to be 100 pounds, 5.41 height. After trying to lose weight in different ways (different from starving) such as exercising a lot and eating different things aaanddd I gave up because I couldn't lose anything nor see any progress.

I've started restricting 6 days ago, eating between 500 and 1000 calories a day, most of them from fruit and veggies, I don't feel I am restricting that much as it used to be the last time I restricted myself. Calories from veggies are so low that I can eat until I'm full with no more than 250 calories!

And well, I've lost 4.4 pounds in this short time :) I still have way more to go away but it's the first step and I wanted to share it with you. Thanks!

Why can't I be satisfied??
Created: Sat Nov 10 09:17:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vvib6/why_cant_i_be_satisfied/
I've never posted before but I'm starting to feel desperate... and confused and psycho. For the past few months I've finally reached size 0! which was extremely exciting!... but that feeling was SO fleeting. Then I reached 00!!!!...and I'm still not satisfied. I know I SHOULD gain weight, or at least focus on getting a healthy mindset... But I WANT to lose more weight. I look in the mirror and I SEE that I'm skinny, but I don't KNOW that I'm skinny. Like I was looking through old pictures when I felt really skinny and I was DISGUSTED. I can't believe my friends let me walk around... IN PUBLIC! God I thought I was a hot piece of shit too lmao. So now that I've lost weight since then I think "yeah but you thought you were skinny then too" If that resonates with anyone... I think I'm looking for outside validation from my friends (but actually concern?!). I just want someone to ask if I'm alright. I guess I'm just posting to get this off my chest and see if I'm actually crazy or preaching to the choir.

Thanks for listening.

I drunk 2,000 calories worth of alcohol in 3 hours.
Created: Sat Nov 10 09:11:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vvgrl/i_drunk_2000_calories_worth_of_alcohol_in_3_hours/
I’m an average person who enjoys a drink but ends up binge drinking every time i do, I’ve gotten black out drunk 5 times so far in November and it’s only the 10th but I never thought about the calories in alcohol. I regret searching it up. Those 18 units I drank last night (Mainly vodka) was almost 2,000 calories and I’ve drunk around the same (But cider or wine so much worse) all the other times so without alcohol maybe I would be skinny?

Who knows, I like alcohol too much to stop drinking so I’ll stop eating instead.

[Rant/Rave] I can’t stop binging *whale noise*
Created: Sat Nov 10 09:03:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vvece/i_cant_stop_binging_whale_noise/
Lmao I don’t know if anyone remembers my last post - but I talked about how I’d been binging for ages bc I was with my bf (that week was worth it! So loved up and happy :’) ) but then came home and promised I’d meet up with my friend on Wednesday so i went fuck it - I’ll binge til then. WeLL I didn’t fucking stop binging on Thursday. Im still binging today and I’m going on a family lunch tomorrow so it’s gonna carry on 😩 I genuinely feel like a fucking whale - so huge and disgusting, I genuinely won’t wear most of my clothes bc I don’t feel good enough to wear them which is only making myself feel worse tbh. Rip.
Hope and pray for me that I actually get my shit together on Monday and don’t binge next week 😩😭

And Rocky Collapsed In The Corner
/u/RichardStarrkey [6'0 | CW:FAT | GW:55kg | M]
Created: Sat Nov 10 08:58:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vvcty/and_rocky_collapsed_in_the_corner/
Anorexia is an addiction we know well. Even if you're not with it, you know it's a drug. You wake up thinking about it. The sweat. It's a cold morning. The sun is out. You feel bloated or bare. There's something you need. A hit, a drink, or tea.

You're obsessed and at one point you've tried to hide it from yourself and others. I'm not sick, you say. I'm perfectly fine. Though in the mind's eye, it goes, I'll be perfect soon. Someday if not tomorrow. All I need to get there is another hit, a drink, or tea.

What if you don't get it? What if you missed an opportunity to have it? You get anxious. It's in your head now. The hunger, the thirst. You don't care what goes on around. In your eyes there's something lacking. You start a reason, surely, you'll be spared tonight and, tomorrow, well, can wait. Then you have it anyway. A hit, a drink, or tea.

Chicken soup served with regret. White Russian and shame. Crushed longing, glimmering of what looks to be the sun. It isn't paradise. Paradise isn't cold. It's a hit, a drink, or tea.

It hurts you to shake with want. You were bitter once, remember? Just an hour ago you said goodbye to your friends, family, and humanity. You waved walking, then you ducked into a corner, there's a spoon in your hand. What are you making?

A hit, a drink, or tea?

[Tip] Monk fruit sugar.
Created: Sat Nov 10 08:54:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vvboe/monk_fruit_sugar/
How many of you know about monk fruit sugar? Taste a lot like regular sugar and it has zero calories and very few carbs. You can get it on amazing or whole foods is where I found mine.

[Help] yo wtf is wrong with me why don't I want recovery?
Created: Sat Nov 10 08:50:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vvam8/yo_wtf_is_wrong_with_me_why_dont_i_want_recovery/
I know my anorexia is fucking me up physically because my heart shrank and I'm experiencing heart palpitations, muscle mass loss and hair loss. But somedays I just don't want to recover?

I know this sounds hella fucked up but I just feel like I look alright, not too skinny, not skinny enough for an intervention. And that my ED is probably fake, because if I want to eat, I can just eat and eat my way up to 3000 cals but then yknow self-control, don't want to trigger the binge eater in me.

I also feel that I like looking skinny lol wtf, this is the WEIRDEST part. I probably look shittier overall, than how I did at a higher weight, because I just look tired and dead and my hair is thinning but hey, I still won't fit the conventional standards of beauty so what's the point? At least if I'm skinny, then I've fulfilled my childhood dreams of wanting to be the thinnest in a room (yes, I was an overweight kid).

so wtf is wrong with me? I'm not trolling, I'm being genuinely serious because I know that I'm engaging in self destructive habits and I'm probably going to kill myself by restricting to the point where my heart shrinks even further and I go into a cardiac arrest. But I just, can't? won't? don't? need to recover???????? confusion help

How do people choose a goal weight that isn’t unhealthy?
Created: Sat Nov 10 08:47:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vv9ui/how_do_people_choose_a_goal_weight_that_isnt/
My goal is always just “skinnier”

My BMI is 15.2-15.3 (5’7 and ~97.5 lbs)

I see people on 1200ip & other weight loss related forums having a weight goal in the middle of the healthy range. Shit, some people’s goals are at the top of the healthy range.. they just don’t want to be over weight

I want to be like fucking skinny as a pole with zero fat on my body

[Help] actually trying
Created: Sat Nov 10 08:31:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vv5kf/actually_trying/
im actually trying to get better, ive been dealing with this fucker ED for 6 years now and im so tired

i had a moment last night with a friend, i just broke and they tried to talk to me about it but all i could do was cry

im trying to go to therapy again for this (although its really hard here since its a public institution so theres a lot of people looking for appointments) and im trying to eat a little bit more but im so scared

im scared to eat because i feel like im going to gain weight.

im scared ill eat one small thing and my body will try to purge on its own.

im scared ill eat one thing and end up eating the whole house.

im so scared of food.

i dont know how to do it, i know recovery might help (even tho its hard) but until i can get an appointment (which i dont know when itll be) im just so lost, i dont know how to normally eat, honestly.

and i wish my family could help me, i dont know how to tell them but i do know theyll be mad at me and yell at me and judge me.

so i pretty much want to recover but i dont know how or who i can trust.

[Rant/Rave] that post about VS models is weapons-grade hypocrisy
/u/Perfect_Difficulty [F20|5'6.5"|175 to 135 | GW 120]
Created: Sat Nov 10 08:14:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vv0yc/that_post_about_vs_models_is_weaponsgrade/
won't say which sub because rules but I've seen so many comments there talking shit about girls with "ED behavior" and even saying that having a GW at lowest healthy BMI is a sign but then they call VS models (almost all underweight) "healthy and fit" and say things like you wouldn't use average to sell a car and that they worked hard to have that body

what's wrong with me working hard? what's wrong with me trying to be better than average?

VS is glamourizing unhealthy just as much as the plus sized models these guys like to make fun of, if not more

it's crazy how brainwashed they are to think that those girls should look like that despite being a community about seeing reason huh

What is your experience with antidepressants?
/u/CorrithLavellan [6'0" | 181.8 lb | 24.66/23.70 | -19.4 | 21F]
Created: Sat Nov 10 08:07:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vuyyl/what_is_your_experience_with_antidepressants/
I was officially diagnosed with "severe" anxiety and "severe" depression and my shrink said they think me taking something like prozac or zoloft will help get me back to normal and maybe help with my self image and all that good stuff.

I was looking at the side effects and both of them said may cause increased appetite. I already binge eat 5/7 days of the week, so I'm scared its just going to make it worse.

What did you experience when you started taking them? What are the the side effects? Did they help you?

I never knew I needed this.
/u/bunnyalert [62'' (167cm) | 164lbs (74kg) | F? :illuminati:]
Created: Sat Nov 10 07:30:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vupef/i_never_knew_i_needed_this/

Just ED things: Leaving potential fuck in order to get home in time for a planned binge
Created: Sat Nov 10 07:29:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vup5n/just_ed_things_leaving_potential_fuck_in_order_to/
I’ve been planning a binge for a month and scheduled it for after this event I had last night. Met this really attractive, sweet guy who was definitely down for a one night stand and I had zero regrets abruptly leaving him so I get home and eat pop tarts😂

Am I wrong for thinking the calories I had yesterday were too high?
Created: Sat Nov 10 07:13:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vul58/am_i_wrong_for_thinking_the_calories_i_had/

[Tip] How do I suspress my appetite besides taking EC stack pills?
Created: Sat Nov 10 07:08:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vujz9/how_do_i_suspress_my_appetite_besides_taking_ec/
Wanna control my eating and eat less. i have been eating non stop after i came back from holiday trip. any tips, please?! aiming to lose two kg..

[Rant/Rave] HW after having runs for 24 hours TMI
/u/saltsplendasriracha [5'7"| CW 121 | GW 113 | +8 | F]
Created: Sat Nov 10 07:02:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vuieg/hw_after_having_runs_for_24_hours_tmi/
How is it that my bowels literally empties yesterday but I’m a pound up? I’m already at my heighest weight in a year. The fuck am I doing wrong? My bf was going to come this weekend and I was going to go on a day trip with friends but I’m cancelling all of it.

[Goal] Anyone attempted body recomposition at goal weight?
/u/kitt_3n [5'2 | CW: 104 | BMI: 19 | GW: 97 | 20 F]
Created: Sat Nov 10 06:57:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vuhap/anyone_attempted_body_recomposition_at_goal_weight/
Years and years of having an ED has not done any favours for my body composition - I don't know what my actual body fat percentage is but I know by looking at pictures of myself a couple of years ago, I have appeared thinner at higher weights than what I'm at currently.

I have a lot of fat around my thighs and I know that I really just need to cut calories for that to go away, but has anyone tried "stripping" themselves of body fat and then eating high protein/lifting/etc afterward to gain a bit of weight back in an attempt to look leaner? I'm worried that once I get to 97 I will lose motivation and be too tired to do this... I just feel so gross in my body and I feel like working on body composition is the only thing that would help.

[Other] pizza crust
/u/aha98 [160cm CW: ~129lbs LW: ~115lbs GW: 105lbs F]
Created: Sat Nov 10 06:37:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vucl3/pizza_crust/
does anyone have a low calorie pizza crust recipe that doesn’t use cauliflower?

No-weigh November
/u/Ok_mini_ [5'0" | 104 | F | 24]
Created: Sat Nov 10 06:24:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vu9gh/noweigh_november/
I'm going to preface this post by explaining I'm not 100% sure what's wrong with me but it's some EDNOS with heavy restriction and binging (no purging but sometimes c/s.) My boyfriend is the only person who knows how badly my ED has evolved and is the one person I've been open with about it. Anyways, he has been incredibly understanding and supportive but he's obviously concerned. He keeps asking me to seek help. I know I need it, I want to get better but I'm stubborn and terrified to do it. *So*, I'm trying to make steps towards improvement on my own. I'm sure this is laughable towards my progress but I have discovered one thing that has been surprisingly helpful. I made up "no-weigh November." It has been 10 days and I have yet to step on the scale. I have successfully avoided the two scales in my home, the one at my climbing gym, the one at my crossfit gym, and the one at my best friends apartment. I haven't seen that fucking number in ten days. I have no idea if I've gained or loss. There is a constant source of anxiety clinging to the unknown. That being said, my self esteem has increased a little (I think.) That number is unknown and therefore my perceived self worth is unknown. In its absence I've had to formulate my value through other things like my performance while at the gym, my climbing ability and my relationships with friends and family. I'm not sure what will happen December 1st when I step on that scale but I wish to hate myself a little less by then. I'm hoping I'll be better able to separate my self worth from the digital numbers displayed on that damn screen. Wish me luck, I still have 20 more days.

Song that totally sums up my ED and my mixed love hate relationship with it (lyrics about medication but I totally think it can apply to fasting) such a happy song!
Created: Sat Nov 10 06:21:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vu8sy/song_that_totally_sums_up_my_ed_and_my_mixed_love/

[Rant/Rave] A bagel won’t change anything in the long run
/u/ihate-chicken [5’7” | CW:109.5 | 17.09]
Created: Sat Nov 10 06:17:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vu7rg/a_bagel_wont_change_anything_in_the_long_run/
I’m challenging myself to having a bagel with friends this morning and I’m scared but honestly FUCK THIS DISORDER.

Go out there and kick ass today everyone!! I believe in you ❤️

What to do with canned pumpkin?
/u/linedryonly [5'5| C127 | G110 | L102 | -10]
Created: Sat Nov 10 06:02:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vu4bh/what_to_do_with_canned_pumpkin/
I was feeling festive and bought a can of pumpkin, but I've no idea what to do with it. I hate savory pumpkin foods, but the only other recipes I can find are for pie and I don't have an oven😭
Anybody have a go-to pumpkin recipe they'd like to share? Preferably one that doesn't require an oven?

[Rant/Rave] Guess who's a fat disgusting pig?
Created: Sat Nov 10 05:59:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vu3po/guess_whos_a_fat_disgusting_pig/
It's me! Surprise surprise... I started restricting properly again a few days ago and lost 10 pounds. Now the second I got home this weekend I started binging (talking ~5000 calories a day). I hate myself so fucking much

[Discussion] I've gone down a shoe size?!
Created: Sat Nov 10 05:46:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vu12o/ive_gone_down_a_shoe_size/
Has this happened to anyone else?

Before I started to loose weight I was a UK size 4/ 4 and a half. I need a good new pair of smart/work shoes and ordered some from ASOS in a size 4 and they didn't fit. I assumed that's because it's online shopping, it's never the most accurate sizing.

So I went to the shops today and all the 4/ 4 and a halfs I tried on were too big. My heel would just slide on out when I tried to walk, just like the ASOS shoes.

So I tried a 3 and a half and it fit just right!

What's going on here?!

I don't know how to think about my body & not revert to ED habits
Created: Sat Nov 10 05:29:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vtxcj/i_dont_know_how_to_think_about_my_body_not_revert/
Note: I wrote this all out because I so intensely need to talk about it and you all seem like a supportive community - some of it is pretty decidedly not "pro ED" (nor am I) but I don't mean any of it to offend you - I know you're all struggling in all kinds of different ways and don't want to hurt you.

I'm 27 years old. It's been 7 years since I had a full-blown ED or a BMI under 17. And in those 7 years, I've gained at least 50 lbs but probably more (can't weigh myself without spiraling out of control).

I am so deeply not interested in having an eating disorder. Not that anyone is, but you know what I mean - when you're in the throes of it, it can feel like what you want the most is to just retreat into it.

But over the course of 7 years and 50+ lbs, I've found that it's entirely impossible for me to remotely pay attention to my body without quickly beginning to think/behave in disordered ways. Weirdly, it starts with behaving in disordered ways, and that leads to thinking in disordered ways, not the other way around - or at least, that's what it feels like.

I strongly suspect this is because I never really "recovered." Instead, I stopped paying attention to my body at all. I never learned how to eat like a normal person. Being hungry made me feel scared and young again so I stopped letting myself feel hungry. I eventually started barely paying attention to calorie counts, except to occasionally be surprised at how weirdly caloric some of the food I put into my body anyways was. A few years ago, I started asking doctors if I could skip being weighed. I made a conscious decision that I'd rather be fat & happy than thin & miserable, and it felt (feels) like those were my only two options.

But then, after 7 whole fucking years, I think to myself: I don't feel good about my body and I want to feel good about it. I want to be healthy and strong. My body doesn't do what I want it to do. It has nothing to do with thinness, just health.

And yet within a couple weeks of simply restricting my calories to an amount that's supposedly "plenty" & making an attempt to eat more protein, I'm setting lower and lower goals for myself & playing games with calorie counts in my head. I'm watching loosely measured cups turn into kitchen scales and healthy 400-calorie meals turn into cups of broth or starving all day and then drinking vodka.

And as these things happen, I notice I'm staying up later & later each night obsessively tracking out calories/potential weight loss, putting my measurements into various kinds of calculators, moving from r/1200isplenty to r/proed (and now from lurking to posting!), binge-watching shows about super-obese people (and going from thinking "that's so sad" to "is that what will happen to me if I don't keep better track of my calories?" to "is that maybe what I look like?"). To the point that I called in sick to work three days this week because I was up all night obsessing over stupid bullshit I literally do not care about.

I genuinely don't want to be this person. I have a great job I get tons of praise for, and meaningful, intimate relationships, and I care about real shit now. I would be humiliated if I had to explain to anyone that I'm still struggling with the same patriarchal, narrowminded, basic ass beauty standards I was when I was 15.

I honestly think if I wanted to, I could snap out of this right now. I could choose to uninstall the weight-loss app from my phone, start buying the foods I like again, and leave the measuring tape in the drawer. But I also think if I did that, I would continue on the same path I was on before, steadily but slowly gaining weight because I can't look at myself without remembering how to hurt myself.

Anyone else experienced this? Any advice?

TLDR: r/1200isplenty is triggering af and no one there cares, I want to know how to be healthy but literally never have been as an adult, even when I thought I was, and I'd rather not be fat but should maybe consider it because I'm much more of a person that way

[Rant/Rave] Tiny update about the watch from my last post..
/u/crashbandiclit [23F | 5’4” | CW: 🍔 | GW: 110lbs]
Created: Sat Nov 10 05:13:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vtuae/tiny_update_about_the_watch_from_my_last_post/
It fits a hole tighter today!! I could cry 😂 anyway carry on pls thank u

'Stupid Questions' Saturday! November 10, 2018
Created: Sat Nov 10 05:13:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vtu8v/stupid_questions_saturday_november_10_2018/
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for November 10, 2018.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**


Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Rant/Rave] Overly intrusive family friends
/u/xoxwoe [5 ft | female | goal: 90lb/40kg]
Created: Sat Nov 10 05:11:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vttvo/overly_intrusive_family_friends/
Ok friends so my parents have been friends with a wasp of a woman since I was maybe around 7? Her and her husband are fairly older than my parents and I'm my parents culture (Pakistani) you pretty much have to show utmost devotion and respect to anyone who's older than you. So since this couple is slightly older the Pakistani community here in Auckland, NZ have to show them utmost and undivided respect; doesn't matter that they're impolite bigoted morons.

My childhood has been miserable because of this woman for a number of reasons which I won't go into because unrelated to this sub but just need to get her comments about mine and my younger brothers weight off my chest.

My brother and I were both underweight growing up and my parents have seen a doctor because of this and after blood tests etc the doctor found that we were both healthy and to not worry about the weight too much just have us maintain normal balanced diets and we should be fine. This woman has always thought she's welcome to make comments about our weight (and she was welcome my parents would never defend us; oh could you imagine the horror of defending your kids against someone making comments that are way out of line). She commented that I looked like a poverty ridden child from a unicef commercial or that my brother looks like a starving Ethiopian child (she's a racist too surprise surprise). She would even bring childhood photos to our house of her son and be like "look he was a much better looking child than you skeleton children" etc. She even advised my mum to mix butter or shortening into our meals to "fatten us up" mum never did this thank god but still acted like she would take her advice.

But anyway she moved to the US when I was about 12 to live with her son (and in turn ruin his marriage lmao) so she was fairly out of our lives since then. I'm now 20 and my brother is 16 and while he's been able to maintain a normal BMI by slaving away at the gym and eating with strict accordance to diets; my weight however fluctuates from underweight to normals due to hormonal issues and I can't control these fluctuations.

Earlier this year she was on the phone to my mother and was on speakerphone and she was talking about how she was looking at my mums Facebook photos of us the other day - the last time my mum uploaded photos of us as a family was during my 16th birthday and she said and I quote "[me] is getting so fat why would you allow your daughter to get so fat how will men ever be attracted to her now she looks disgusting" (btw for reference at the time of my birthday I was about 98lb and I'm 5 ft; I had a 19.1 BMI. BUT BITCH WEREN'T YOU THE ONE THAT SAID TO MIX BUTTER INTO MY MEALS TO FATTEN ME UP.

What's most upsetting is when I told my mum I was upset about this she was like oh you find every little issue with what people say she didn't mean any harm by her comments and when I argued that she's always been rude and comments about my weight are way out of like mum went off at me about how I shouldn't be speaking this way about someone who's older than me. My parents are also the ones who complain about why I have an unhealthy relationship with food and why I starve myself and why my brother slaves away at the gym. We wouldn't if you defended us for once in your life.

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! November 10, 2018
Created: Sat Nov 10 05:09:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vttgb/daily_food_diary_november_10_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for November 10, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Discussion] How often do you guys weigh yourself?
/u/ribbet-the-rabbit [168cm| 75kg | 26 | 10kg | F]
Created: Sat Nov 10 05:01:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vtrvd/how_often_do_you_guys_weigh_yourself/
I weigh myself every morning right after I wake up. Some people do it every week and I used to but not knowing made me binge and it felt like small progress.. no idea why.

Psychiatrist wont give me my ADD meds until I go to therapy
/u/MadamePoppycock [5'4 | 129 lbs | 21.7 | -70 lbs | F]
Created: Sat Nov 10 04:45:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vtp0c/psychiatrist_wont_give_me_my_add_meds_until_i_go/
My psychiatrist says she won't give me my Ritalin refill which I need to function until I go to therapy specifically for my ED. She says I need to go to an ED specific place, but I dont feel ready to recover. It terrifies me. My gut tells me that

a) I should go and tell them this

b) just go once and only once

c) lie about it all because of my severe social anxiety (calling someone? No way! But I really do not want to lie!!!)

D) tell psychiatrist that I am too busy/have too much on my mind (truth, car is at deaths door, rent takes all my income, so idk how. I'm gonna pay for that.im working and in school full time. Quit my 2nd job to help with that.)

E) actually go and tell them I do not feel ready, and continue to go despite the feeling and despite the desire to stay home occupying my self with b/ping and playing games. (Honestly what most people would say what is right)

Advice? What would all y'all do? If you're not ready, what would you do? Be honest. I'm torn up. I dont aang what people think is normal people version of right, but what they as an individual person would do.

Obese cousin is now skinnier than me
/u/lunasouseiseki [180cm | 77kg | 23.8 | -10kg | F:snoo_shrug:]
Created: Sat Nov 10 04:41:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vto80/obese_cousin_is_now_skinnier_than_me/
She got the surgery and now she's skinnier than I am. I'm happy for her and hate myself.

[Rant/Rave] I just want a boyfriend.
/u/ribbet-the-rabbit [168cm| 75kg | 26 | 10kg | F]
Created: Sat Nov 10 04:35:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vtn3q/i_just_want_a_boyfriend/
I’ve never told this to anyone as it’s another insecurity of mine but I really want a boyfriend. I’m in high school right now and all my friends are either in a relationship or have crushes. And I’m here and I actually don’t know any guys.

To make things worse in the fattest one in my group and I know thats one of the reasons why I don’t have a boyfriend. I know for a lot of people it’s not a big deal but I would love to experience a high school romance, it feels like I’m missing a out on another thing because of my weight except it’s out of my control.

Recently one of my besties is getting into a relationship and they post cute pictures and shit together and it’s been making me restrict more..

Legit 99 percent of my problems could be solved by losing weight.

Existential anxiety
Created: Sat Nov 10 04:26:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vtlkw/existential_anxiety/
I just wanted to start out by saying that this sub is the first time I have felt a connection to other people with issues with food. I am the DUFF of a group of skinny girls who act like food is the easiest thing in the world to control and it has been incredibly isolating. Thank you all for making me feel less alone in this world.


I started b/ping when I was 12 years old, and now I am 23 years old wondering now what. I started b/ping regularly (at least once a day) throughout high school, and in college I became much more aggressive about my purging after experiencing a traumatic event at school. At my worst I was purging multiple times a day.



In the last six months, I started my slow process to recovery. I still slip up once in a while, but am nowhere near as bad as I was. But now that my issues with binging have been more in control, I have seen a sudden increase in existential anxiety. I am starting to wonder how much damage I have truly done to my body and if I will ever be able to recover. By my estimates, I have been b/ping for 10-11 years and that scares me. Will I even make it past 30 with the damage I've done to my heart, throat, stomach, and teeth? I do not use laxatives or any other aids beside my toothbrush to purge, but I do occasionally use stimulants (no more than 2-3 times per month). Lately, I go to bed wondering if I will wake up due to the damage done by my ED and the stress is eating me inside.


Fellow B/Pers, how long have you survived this disorder?

[Discussion] DAE find some diet subs showing unhealthy ED behaviours?
Created: Sat Nov 10 04:17:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vtjux/dae_find_some_diet_subs_showing_unhealthy_ed/

[Rant/Rave] Illogical Thinking
/u/_Pulltab_ [67"| 155| 24.3| -50 | F]
Created: Sat Nov 10 03:50:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vtf6t/illogical_thinking/
Someone I’ve become friendly with but don’t know super well disclosed in an addictions recovery meeting i attend that they have an ED. My heart simultaneously broke for them, and at the same time, my brain started calculating how I can restrict even more. Because, logic, ya’ll.

[Intro] Long overdue introduction
Created: Sat Nov 10 03:42:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vtdzv/long_overdue_introduction/
I feel like I've been making up the bulk of a lot of posts here, most of them just ranty nonsense. I totally forgot introduction posts were a thing but I definitely don't wanna be a stranger.

I'm an almost 20 year old female, finishing up high school late as fuuuuck.
I don't have an ED diagnosis but I know I definitely have disordered eating behaviors and I've hated my appearance since I was a kid and that's definitely fed into it. It's kind of spiraled since I discovered CICO. Which is a shame because it's so useful and reliable (I mean it's literally just science after all). I have bpd, depression, anxiety and ADHD.
What else is there to say?
I love cats, I like art and drawing (not v good at it tho) and I'm pretty shy, even over the internet lmao. I'm also a total slut for astrology, even though I don't fully believe in it now, it's still lots of fun!

Anyway, I'm glad to a part of supportive, open, and like-minded (kind of unfortunately, lol) individuals! (:

Anyone on Peach?
Created: Sat Nov 10 03:34:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vtcoz/anyone_on_peach/
I'm new to the app but my name is realsadflower if anyone wants to add me!
I'm p lame and I mostly just bitch on here but it would be cool to have people to coexist with and relate to! Drop your names if you want me 2 add u

Ready to Recover?
Created: Sat Nov 10 03:29:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vtbxn/ready_to_recover/
Anybody ever wake up some days and feel like they are ready to get rid of their ED? Sometimes I’ll have days where I’ll wake up and feel like I can eat normally and have my old life again. But then my ED will always come back and bite me in the butt to tell me its not finished with me yet. I hate how controlling this disorder is. Why does it literally run my life?

[Rant/Rave] DAE genetically store fat in their stomach
/u/lighghtup [5'7" | 164 | 25.5 | 19F | -18 | thicc]
Created: Sat Nov 10 03:28:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vtbqh/dae_genetically_store_fat_in_their_stomach/
literally the biggest reason i fell into disordered eating was because i was (still am, who am i kidding) chasing the apparently mythical flat stomach.

unfortunately for ya girl no matter how much i lose/restrict/purge my stomach never changes !!! wtf body!! literally everything else shrinks but not that :(

are there actually people out there that exist that do not store fat in their gut automatically or lose fat there first?

[Discussion] How do you guys deal with bloat?
/u/ribbet-the-rabbit [168cm| 75kg | 26 | 10kg | F]
Created: Sat Nov 10 03:22:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vtapg/how_do_you_guys_deal_with_bloat/
Not sure if bloat is the correct way to put it but I basically had a huge and very carb heavy dinner and then had two large glasses of tea. I can’t poop since I went like twice today and I feel so sick. My stomach feels like it’s about to burst. How do you guys deal with this other than using laxatives??

It's finally hitting me....(tmiiiii)
Created: Sat Nov 10 03:10:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vt8r3/its_finally_hitting_metmiiiii/

I took miralax, dulcolax, senna tea and just tonight magnesium citrate all in the past week because I could not for the life of me, manage to shit. I think it's all hitting me at once.
I'm basically peeing from my asshole omg

I'm so happy though I'm finally getting rid of all this waste and I begin my 24 hour fast, clean and empty.

Wish me luck tho it's 2 am and I might fall asleep on the toilet I'm so exhausted 😭

[Other] Party coming up.
Created: Sat Nov 10 03:04:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vt7qu/party_coming_up/
I had a Cheat Day yesterday, ate a LOT but feel relatively okay about it. Because of feeling full Still, I havent had much to eat today, and hoping that feeling Will persist, cause there's a party. Maybe Maybe I can stick to Wine and cheese?

[Discussion] Question for other gay proEDs
/u/FameuxCelebrite [5’6M | CW: 140 | GW: 120 | -40 lbs]
Created: Sat Nov 10 02:56:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vt6ht/question_for_other_gay_proeds/
Do any other gay proEDs feel like the gay community strongly encourages eating disorders? I’m in a normal weight as a 140 lb 5’6 male but compared to other gay guys on tinder and Grindr in the area I’m huge.

[Rant/Rave] My SO left me unattended while ordering delivery last night.
Created: Sat Nov 10 02:21:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vt0w1/my_so_left_me_unattended_while_ordering_delivery/
I was gonna get us a pizza. He left for 5 minutes while I put the order in. I got a pizza (large, stuffed crust of course), cheese bread, and cinnamon sticks. With icing. Ate so much the only thing keeping me from puking (involuntarily) was passing out in a miserable food coma. I feel all the regret this morning 😅 Self control level 0.

[Help] Help me with the lose it app please!
/u/ribbet-the-rabbit [168cm| 75kg | 26 | 10kg | F]
Created: Sat Nov 10 02:20:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vt0py/help_me_with_the_lose_it_app_please/
Probably a super dumb question but is there any way to change the display from kilojoules to show calories instead?? I prefer looking at calorie count and don’t feel like constantly converting.

Created: Sat Nov 10 02:19:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vt0mt/whining/
i hate having no energy :( i feel guilty that i’m probably destroying my body slowly...its also so fucking annoying to literally always be hungry. i feel like a failure.

Created: Sat Nov 10 01:40:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vsulp/oh/

[Other] Craving that KFC
Created: Sat Nov 10 01:36:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vstyh/craving_that_kfc/
I'm 16 hours into my first 24 hour fast and watching Gavin and Stacey.

The scene with Smithy and Nessa eating KFC is making me soooo hungry. Especially they way they describe it hahaha.

8 more hours to go...

[Help] how do i get my period back??
/u/wispybubble [5’10 | 16F | 149 | 20.84 | -27]
Created: Sat Nov 10 01:14:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vsqgk/how_do_i_get_my_period_back/
i’m 4 days late & losing my shit that im pregnant. i cannot handle a child & wouldn’t be able to abort so i’m really flipping out. we used condoms & pulling out combined so i know it’s unlikely but some online thing said precum could’ve gotten through a microscopic hole and im SOLD LMAO

not sure if i’m late cuz stress, pregnancy, ed, or the yeast infection i have but how do i trigger it bavk

[Rant/Rave] hey i probably ate like 3-4k calories today
/u/duskedfur [5'7" | CW: 98 | 15.3 | UGW: 95 | F]
Created: Sat Nov 10 01:13:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vsqfm/hey_i_probably_ate_like_34k_calories_today/
but i’m kinda not mad bc that gives me an excuse to do my longest fast ever? i’ve been attempting to restrict and it doesn’t really work, so i’ve decided that i’m gonna fast from friday-monday. i’m excited because i haven’t had motivation like this in a while. i’m away from my scale but i know i’m probably like 104 with all this water/food weight and any number over 100 makes me legitimately suicidal so i kinda hope i pass out and die this week because i’m disgusting and can’t control myself! see y’all in hell

[Rant/Rave] Well, I did wanna binge
Created: Sat Nov 10 01:10:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vspua/well_i_did_wanna_binge/
Then I watched Season 13, episode 21 of Grey's Anatomy. Girl with worms. Like, a lot of worms. Oh God, so many worms. I may never eat again. I've never watched this season before and I was so not prepared.

You're welcome.

Or I'm sorry.

Either way.

Major appetite killer.


[Rant/Rave] ED fueled nightmare
/u/QueenOfAwfulChoices [5'4" | CW:115 | BMI:19.7 | GW:invisible | F]
Created: Sat Nov 10 01:06:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vsp3r/ed_fueled_nightmare/
Some days I think I have things under control... other days I wake up in a cold sweat at 3am because I had a nightmare that my super hero, Vanilla Coke Zero, actually had 63 calories in it.

I swear... one of the most vivid dreams of my life. I could see and feel the can in my hand. And I checked the label because... habit, even for diet soda. And the label said 63 freaking calories! I jolted awake in a panic and checked my diet soda stores for sweet sweet zeros.

Anyway. It’s 3 am and I’m too amped up to sleep because I had a nightmare about diet soda. Which is a sentence I never could have imagined uttering. Guess I just wanted to share with people who’d understand...

[Rant/Rave] one of my friends literally tried to feed me as a joke
/u/lighghtup [5'7" | 164 | 25.5 | 19F | -18 | thicc]
Created: Sat Nov 10 00:56:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vsngq/one_of_my_friends_literally_tried_to_feed_me_as_a/
amongst my friends, i’m always known for skipping meals but bc i’m a Healthy Weight™️ the idea of ED never comes to their minds

but one of my friends literally got a forkful of cake and tried to feed it to me to mock how i wasn’t eating and i’m literally so triggered

[Help] Don't purge don't purge don't purge
/u/frankxcastle [5'4 | CW: 123 | HW: 160 | F]
Created: Sat Nov 10 00:32:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vsj97/dont_purge_dont_purge_dont_purge/
I just at over 4k in 2 hours, my belly is so sure it'll help it so much if I purge...but I'm trying to recover. I'm trying to stop purging. Why did I do this? I don't know if I can stop myself. Gonna delete this later I'm so ashamed

5 more pounds until I hit 102 but I keep sabotaging myself
Created: Sat Nov 10 00:23:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vshmq/5_more_pounds_until_i_hit_102_but_i_keep/
Literally break my fitness routine after like 3 days and binge on 600+ calories. I just want a tiny waist...fuck

[Discussion] DAE set calorie goals that they are not actually comfortable achieving
Created: Sat Nov 10 00:20:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vsh8b/dae_set_calorie_goals_that_they_are_not_actually/
Lately my calorie goal has been around 700-900 and I’ve been trying to convince myself that anything under 1000 is okay and a lot of people talk about maintenance calories and I’ve tried to think that would be okay but it’s all black and white in my head about this and I believe that if I’m not losing weight I am gaining. Anyways I literally had 703 calories today and even though that is in my goal and on the low end it feels like a failure because I really want it to be less than 600 but like I’m trying to not be crazy.

[Rant/Rave] The mirror gets my self esteem up, but the camera brings it right down in the gutter.
/u/SimDelCalSalBris [5’6” | SW : 130 | CW : 125 | GW : 100 | UGW : 95 | Female]
Created: Sat Nov 10 00:02:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vsdqu/the_mirror_gets_my_self_esteem_up_but_the_camera/
So I’ve managed to lose weight steadily over the past few weeks (barring the random binge), and I started to like how I look in mirrors, and not just one specific, stretching mirror.
But I was at this event, and I HATE a couple of pictures that were taken.
I’m wondering if it’s possible that I’ve got a weird kind of body dysmorphia where I think I look thinner than I do when I look in the mirror and the photos are how I ACTUALLY look? God, everything’s fucked.

[Other] DAE start their fast timer the second they swallow their last OMAD bite?
Created: Fri Nov 9 23:59:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vsd7c/dae_start_their_fast_timer_the_second_they/
Also I may have binged for my OMAD and am in serioussss binge pain.

[Discussion] Sooo are we gonna talk about the VS show?
Created: Fri Nov 9 23:12:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vs4qg/sooo_are_we_gonna_talk_about_the_vs_show/

[Discussion] DAE self sabotage once they get close to their goal weight?
/u/snackqueen18 [5’7” | CW 136 | GW ? | F25 |]
Created: Fri Nov 9 23:08:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vs3zk/dae_self_sabotage_once_they_get_close_to_their/
I have been 2 pounds away from my UGW of 130 for an ENTIRE MONTH. Everytime I step on the scale and see that I am 1 or 2 pounds away my brain freaks the fuck out and I end up binging for two days. So then I spend the next week working off the binge and I am right back where I started.

any trans people that think gender identity triggered their ed?
Created: Fri Nov 9 22:58:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vs20d/any_trans_people_that_think_gender_identity/
body image issues with wanting to be feminine i think is what caused my eating disorder. always thought my waist was too wide and i'm too boy-shaped. biceps too big etc. i can see it being the other way around too, girls having curves guys don't. anyone else out there?

[Other] how the turn tables....
/u/ap0cryphal [5’3 | CW 123.9 | GW 110]
Created: Fri Nov 9 22:51:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vs0l2/how_the_turn_tables/
I was thinking about buying a food scale recently when I remembered that I already have one. two years ago, I bought it to measure weed. at the time, I thought “if anyone asks about it, I’ll just say it’s to measure food for cooking!”

meanwhile, now that I’ve stopped smoking and started obsessing over calories, I’m thinking “if anyone asks me why I have it, I’ll say it’s to measure weed!” lol

[Help] Drunkorexic question
Created: Fri Nov 9 21:42:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vrlr9/drunkorexic_question/
as counter productive as it is, I typically don’t count calories from alcohol. And I *technically* just broke my fast with a beer (probably to be followed by many many more) but since I don’t count the calories from alcohol anyway, did I really break my fast? 🤔

do you use drugs to lose weight?
Created: Fri Nov 9 21:33:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vrjup/do_you_use_drugs_to_lose_weight/
i've recently been into the idea of kratom since it makes me so incredibly nauseous that i can't eat. i like weed better, but the munchies were a nightmare. and i've heard of people with EDs doing coke or smoking to lose weight. is that common?

[Discussion] does anyone else smoke to suppress appetite?
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | relapse rabbit | gw 97 | 23f]
Created: Fri Nov 9 21:33:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vrjte/does_anyone_else_smoke_to_suppress_appetite/
i smoke durban poison often because it's energizing and makes me totally forget about food (also when i'm high i just like....zone out and can't be bothered to eat lmao)

anyone else have strains they smoke for appetite suppression?

I feel sad and rejected:)
Created: Fri Nov 9 21:32:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vrji3/i_feel_sad_and_rejected/
which means I either binge or starve and the fact that I'm unable to predict which is stressing me out.

[Discussion] Why do I feel like I’m on My 600lb life
/u/BluntCakes_ [5’7 | CW119 | 18.6 | GW112 | 18F]
Created: Fri Nov 9 21:10:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vreq1/why_do_i_feel_like_im_on_my_600lb_life/
God, I know this sounds horrible. They’re really suffering and fucking obviously I’m not 600 pounds or even close to overweight at all but god damnit

I feel like the second I eat anything be it a ‘normal meal’ on the rare occasion I can manage that as an OMAD/TMAD, or just anything at all- I feel like I /am/ at that weight. For some reason I feel like I have to be ‘above’ needing food or else I’ll instantly become... that. My worst nightmare.

Panic and fear fills me and I just get so guilty and feel ridiculous all at the same time. Why do I mentally gain 500 pounds after eating a stupid salad?? Please ugh I’m sick of this

it’s so hard to fight a binge after already fucking up for the day
Created: Fri Nov 9 21:04:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vrdai/its_so_hard_to_fight_a_binge_after_already/
like i’ve already gone over my calorie limit so fuck it. but also 1000-1500 cals is better than 2000-2500.

i’m about to get high though so probably will just give in after that and say tomorrow’s a new day. love fucking up any progress i make haha

I accidentally ate 1200 calories of macadamia nuts
/u/cancookaroast [179cm | CW: 80kg | BMI: 24.9 | WL: 17kg | 22F]
Created: Fri Nov 9 21:02:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vrczh/i_accidentally_ate_1200_calories_of_macadamia_nuts/
Omg I didn't know they had SO many calories! I knew they were calorie dense but I was expecting ~600 for 150g.


Last time I satisfy thay craving 😭

I hate myself so fucking much
Created: Fri Nov 9 20:50:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vr9wf/i_hate_myself_so_fucking_much/
Rant/ rave cant tag I'm on mobile

So I spent the last few days binging but today took the cake. 2400 cals. I cannot begin to express how disgusted I m with myself. I feel like a fraud. How could I possibly claim to have an ED and spend time on this forum when I try to restrict but end up at 1600, 1700, fucking 2400 calories.

I fucking hate my stupid body. Yesterday I cut myself over 100 times and goddamn i wasnt going to do it again but I have to. I have to punish myself for fucking up so badly.

Here's my accountability post: I'm doing a liquid fast (any drink, up to three per "meal" at the dining hall). Solid food will not pass through these lips for at LEAST 2 days. Maybe more. Who knows. I need to get my shit together. I'm tired of having a terrible relationship with food, counting every single tiny bite I take and then having to count binges later on. And not even being skinny. I've gone down like a third of a pound this past MONTH. I'm so fucking pathetic, I would kill myself right now, but I dont want a fucking fatass corpse.

I'm sorry to anyone who read all that.

I may not be posting ever again in a few days because I cant take this anymore and I dont know how long I can go without caving to the urge of suicide.

Thanks to everyone in this community who has shown love

[Rant/Rave] crying after a day @ disney world cause of how much i ate there today 🙃💀
Created: Fri Nov 9 20:40:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vr7u1/crying_after_a_day_disney_world_cause_of_how_much/
i’ve been doing so good at keeping my cals below 500-600 lately and just fucked it up by how much i had at disney today (two cokes, a small vegan pizza, and a vegan burger w/ fries). and like idek any of the calories to even count them which stresses me out so much.

i’m just going to fast the next couple days but ugh. i need to stop allowing myself stuff like this. at least i got in like 7miles of walking

so tired of disappointing myself lmao

[Rant/Rave] I don’t like chocolate chips that much
/u/peachparks [5'3| CW 134.6 |GW 110 | F]
Created: Fri Nov 9 20:32:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vr5w0/i_dont_like_chocolate_chips_that_much/
THEN WHY DID I EAT SO MANY. Christ, I usually binge or late night snack on fruit or veggies. But I don’t even know why I felt so compelled to eat those stupid chocolate chips. Of course somehow that started a cycle of “if I eat only a small amount of 10 different foods it doesn’t actually count” followed by the shameful logging of said 10 different foods into lose it. I’m not even hungry, just in pain because I thought it was a good idea to eat two cups of broccoli earlier and I think most of us know where that took me

the past week has sucked
/u/Capt_butter [5' 11" | 151 | 21.1 | GW: 115 | 17M]
Created: Fri Nov 9 20:19:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vr2r0/the_past_week_has_sucked/
so first i went on a vacation so, almost all the food is super unhealthy and high calorie. and now that im finally home i cant fucking control myself around what food i have at home. thankfully im supposed to do a 10 mile hike tomorrow

[Other] [Request] posting on other full force ED subs. Can we ban people looking for tips/tricks regarding eating disorders?
Created: Fri Nov 9 20:14:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vr1mf/request_posting_on_other_full_force_ed_subs_can/
I'm not trying to isolate anyone in the early stages of an ED but looking for "tips" on developing a mental disorder boggles me. You can no chose this. The reality of an ED isn't anything to want. An ED wont make you skinny, or pretty, or happy. It will eat everything you enjoy and leave you feeling guilty for drinking water, questioning if your room mates food put calories into the air, consulting 10+ sites for the calories in black coffee, and angry when those who are hurt watching you kill yourself try to help.
I personally would love to remove these kinds of posts, I think they not only minimise and romantisise EDs but encourage healthy people on diets to attempt to "get one".
My advice for anyone who wants an ED: eat less than you burn if you are overweight, then turn around, run, and never look back.

[Rant/Rave] great doctor but my screw up
Created: Fri Nov 9 20:12:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vr0y8/great_doctor_but_my_screw_up/
everytime i go to the doctor i always ask to not see my weight. i’ve been in recovery for so long looking at the number just isn’t worth it.
i went to the doctor and asked not to see. he was so kind and didnt make me look. i got all my issues figured out and was handed a stapled sheet of papers that described my ailment and what medicine to take. i flipped the page and my vitals were right there. that big number in all of its glory just staring at me. i’m so broken and i haven’t eaten since. i don’t want to fall into this again but it’s too late. i can’t be fat like this. ugh. rough times.

[Rant/Rave] I just threw up jalapeños and fuck that shit.
Created: Fri Nov 9 20:06:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vqzlj/i_just_threw_up_jalapeños_and_fuck_that_shit/
Yup. I ate pizza with jalapeños thinking it would keep me from purging. Nah! Not a fucking chance.

It burned so I tried to cool it down with ice cream. Kinda worked but it still sucked

1/10 would NOT recommend.

[Rant/Rave] Trigger Closet (long word vomit while cleaning)
Created: Fri Nov 9 19:59:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vqxvh/trigger_closet_long_word_vomit_while_cleaning/
I've been cleaning. I have a closet that I've kind of not been using- it was just filled to the brim. It was, and to an extent still is, a storage area of catching all my random shit. I've cleaned it out and started putting bins of clothes up and getting rid of some.

I keep bins and bins and bins of clothes. Ever since I became a normal size and was no longer a fat little girl, I have hoarded clothes because I all of a sudden had options. I didn't have just options near at my smallest, j could having fucking anything I wanted. So I got what I wanted and I kept everything. Clothes too big for me. Clothes too small for me. Clothes with memories. Clothes with yearning, absolute longing to fit into and make memories in.

The biggest triggers are the clothes I used to wear on a daily basis at my low weight. Oh, those clothes. I used to be such a skirt girl. I had a skirt for every occasion, every mood. I had cheeky skirts, I had gorgeous skirts, I had skirts meant for school children. And they all looked so good hovering over my 23 inch waist and made my ribs look like they were on a pretty little pedestal.

And then I saw them. The Lucky Brand size 0 jeans. The ones I bought before I recovered. The ones I bought at my lw and was so so SO close to fitting into with ease. But then I had to recover after years and years and years of torment done to my body. But I was so fucking close. These jeans have haunted me, they have bewildered me; they have been adorned on a hanger in front of my treadmill during my lower weights, they have been put neatly into a drawer during recovery, they have been spitefully put in the bottom of a bin during my higher weights. And now I'm getting close again.

All these clothes. All these memories. I hung each one up in this emptied out closet that I can look into every day. I am looking with a foamed mouth and fire in my eyes at all those pretty dresses, all of my pretty skeletons hung back up in this spacious little closet. And I am so. Fucking. Close. To fitting back into those all those memories. And making new ones. And getting closer and closer once more to the pipedream that if I could fit into anything I wanted, then I could have it all.

And then they don't have to be skeletons in my closet anymore, I can be a skeleton inside them.

[Other] Can’t tell is it’s r/proed or r/1200is plenty 🤔
/u/hopeless_anon [5'5 | SW:120 CW: 105.9 LW: 85 | 17F]
Created: Fri Nov 9 19:58:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vqxi2/cant_tell_is_its_rproed_or_r1200is_plenty/

[Rant/Rave] how can people not be obsessed with food?
/u/moonxwitch [21f • 160cm • cw 64.8kg]
Created: Fri Nov 9 19:56:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vqx5q/how_can_people_not_be_obsessed_with_food/
i know that pretty much everyone’s had issues with self-esteem and/or weight at some point in their lives, but it really baffles me how can people not be obsessed with food and thinking about it all the time?

even when i’m in ‘recovery’ i still spend a lot of time thinking about food. i plan what i’m gonna eat for my next meal, plan what i’m gonna buy the next time i go to a grocery store. if i buy something nice to eat it’s gonna be the only thing on my mind and i won’t rest until i eat it. i literally cannot buy any food that i enjoy and save it for later because i’m gonna keep obsessing about it until i finally eat it. and then there’s of course the times when my ed is full on and i’m either concentrating on food bc i’m binging or restricting.

and then i listen to other people talk about food like it’s the most normal thing in the world. even people who are ~foodies~ go out to have a nice meal, enjoy it, maybe post a photo on instagram and that’s it. they don’t keep thinking about it or the calories or the nutritional values for a week. when they’re hungry they eat and then they’re done and can focus on other things. food is a means to an end, supposed to nourish and maybe bring pleasure occasionally, and not the end of all.

i’m so jealous of people who just have a meal and then forget about it 🙃 even before my ed officially started i was obsessed with food and eating and i honestly wouldn’t want anything more than stopping this mess and being able to think about literally anything else for a minute.

[Discussion] Tonight is not my night, I hate my body so much
Created: Fri Nov 9 19:55:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vqwzn/tonight_is_not_my_night_i_hate_my_body_so_much/
No matter what I hate my body. I restrict for weeks only to binge back on 10 pounds because I want to feel normal . Then I look horrible because of the binging and then I hate myself for giving in. Then I loose it again only to still feel like a piece of shit . I wish I didn’t take up so much space . I wish I was smaller , I wish I was a 10 to make everyone’s head turn and the only way that’s going to happen is if I never eat again. And I feel like shit and I’m never going to be normal and I’m always going to feel like I’m not enough and it fucking sucks and I just need a fucking hug

[Rant/Rave] Lost weight..... aaaand changed my GW
Created: Fri Nov 9 19:41:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vqtnu/lost_weight_aaaand_changed_my_gw/
Lost weight and constantly think “not enough” and by all rights it’s not. I’ve gone from obese bmi and moved into “overweight” bmi. But i feel the same, look the same, which obviously means that my GW that I’ve never once been at in my entire adult life must be too high. Better knock it down another 15 pounds...

wild friday night musings
/u/dreamly [5'6 / 110.8 / gw 104 / 21f]
Created: Fri Nov 9 19:36:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vqsc1/wild_friday_night_musings/
things have been weird

i guess i dont really know where i stand in this whole situation anymore. it sort of feels like i lost my 'reason' for having an ed. in the past, i thought being/staying significantly underweight would bring back the feelings of the most beautiful period of my life (i was at my lw then). but, he moved states and i moved cities and ive given up on any sentiments of longingness i may have had. ive only weighed myself once in my new apartment. gained and lost around 13 lbs this year. whatever. i dont know my september weight or my october weight and im not sure about november yet. i still dont like eating til nighttime and id still like to lose 5 lbs but i guess its not the thing i want most anymore

i guess i want to feel like a great amazing version of myself that has the energy to make art / consistently go to school / text people back / be a person that doesnt disappoint anyone. now im just trying to figure out if i can do all that while still keeping up w my shitty eating habits. i dont know. i saw a psychiatrist for the first time today and the second question she asked me was, "have you ever struggled with an eating disorder?" i said no. so ill start wellbutrin tomorrow without knowing how to feel about anything

[Rant/Rave] Subsisting off of protein powder and quest bars.....
/u/feelsomethinggg [5'7 | 173 |24.1|-9| 24F]
Created: Fri Nov 9 19:31:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vqr5t/subsisting_off_of_protein_powder_and_quest_bars/
Last few days I've only had my normal black coffee with a scoop of protein powder. And 1 or 2 quest bars.
I feel oddly okay.
I know it will only last so long before I break.
But its better than b/p every god damn meal.
I just want to be
I'm sick of numbers
On the scale
In my food

[Help] Gas????
Created: Fri Nov 9 19:25:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vqpnr/gas/
What’s up people. Basically, I’m in recovery. Today I went to the doctor to check on things and make sure I’m gaining weight etc. I gained 10 lbs in two and a half months, dr says it’s all good. He does the usual routine then checks my stomach. He says I have a LOT of gas. Like, huge bloating. I didn’t really notice bc I’ve been “bloated” since I gained a few lbs. my question is, what the hell can I take for it???? I don’t drink soda unless I have a constant hunger urge, and it’s usually a small glass of ginger ale every week, if that. I drink about 8 or more bottles of water a day. He also suggested milk of magnesia which I’ve used before when I was heavy restricting and I’m fine enough to take it.

So yea, any suggestions for gas to make my stomach stop being twice as big as it should be?

[Rant/Rave] why is bread a thing?
Created: Fri Nov 9 19:17:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vqnql/why_is_bread_a_thing/
yet again i fasted for 24hours and broke it with bread, i ate like 3 of them and now i feel so full (but like not in a good way like i feel im gonna explode) and big and sick i literally want to puke just because i feel like exploding

i dont want to vomit but i dont know if ill be able to contain myself

[Rant/Rave] Everything shrinking except my target area
Created: Fri Nov 9 19:13:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vqmlq/everything_shrinking_except_my_target_area/
So I've been pretty hardcore restricting the past couple months. I've lost ALOT of weight this summer/fall, about 60lbs give or take a bit. I've lost everywhere and I'm so pleased to be skinny again finally except I can not lose these aweful fat sacks on my chest. My breasts have always been large even when I was anorexic and in the hospital I still had breasts which is probably why nobody thought i had ED. I've been trying so hard to lose weight so they will go away and they just wont and I'm losing my mind. I hate them so much! I'm pleased with my weight loss overall and happy with how 99% of my body looks but seriously these disgusting things make me hate myself so much.

[Rant/Rave] I feel so stronk yet so disappointed :)
Created: Fri Nov 9 19:12:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vqmd8/i_feel_so_stronk_yet_so_disappointed/
My mom offered to bring me Chinese takeout and I said no bc I’m in the middle of a fast, but I love eating :)))) I hate rejecting my favorite food but the problem is that every food is my favorite food which is why I look the way I do rn :,D

[Discussion] Not believing the scale....
Created: Fri Nov 9 19:09:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vqlr0/not_believing_the_scale/
I never thought I’d be having the typical not believing the scale ED rant but here it is. I’ve been eating like shit alllll week, I have my period, and haven’t worked out regularly but I’m under 120lbs? Yeah right I don’t believe it. You finally get what you’ve been busting your ass for and don’t think it’s real lmao.

[Other] A haiku
Created: Fri Nov 9 19:02:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vqjxj/a_haiku/
Oh apples, why me
I had to go and eat two
Why why why why why

[Rant/Rave] I feel like I unlocked my next level
/u/todd_blankenship_ [5’3” | sw 137 | cw 133 | gw 115 | F]
Created: Fri Nov 9 18:56:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vqigc/i_feel_like_i_unlocked_my_next_level/
I drank and DIDNT BINGE ON FOOD yes go me.
That is all.

[Help] Need help! How can I raise my blood pressure temporarily?
/u/noushymousy [5'1 | cw: 145 | gw: 110 | -26lbs | female]
Created: Fri Nov 9 18:51:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vqgyh/need_help_how_can_i_raise_my_blood_pressure/
I have a follow up appointment in a week with my psychiatrist, about my ADHD meds (stimulants). The last follow up appointment, my blood pressure was slightly elevated as well as my pulse (just over 100).

It’s been a month and I’ve checked my blood pressure today and it’s literally around 60/90 which is bordering low (pulse is around 60 too). I’m terrified that my psych is going to take my meds away because I’m abusing them but I really need them...and they genuinely help me with my focus and mood too.

Please help me and give me ways that I could temporarily raise my blood pressure just for one reading? (Or even for a longer term if possible.)

/u/cntrxpy [5'3"| 192 | 22F |🍑 cntrxpy|]
Created: Fri Nov 9 18:41:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vqek5/everything_i_would_post_on_peach_if_peach_wasnt/




What are your favorite low-cal, binge safe foods?
/u/finnkat [5'3 | 90lbs | 16.4 | 19f]
Created: Fri Nov 9 18:28:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vqb8k/what_are_your_favorite_lowcal_binge_safe_foods/
Halo top used to be my safe food, I'd come home from work around 11pm, eat a pint, and be able to not binge. Now it feels like it's not enough, nothing is ever enough. And halo top is too expensive to be eating 5+ a week lol. What are your favorite low-cal volume foods I can binge on at night?

Missing my scale
Created: Fri Nov 9 18:27:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vqb4z/missing_my_scale/
I’ve been out of state for a work conference since Sunday and have been missing my scale. I’m obsessive with weighing myself (to the point of my husband threatening to get rid of it and the extra I kept since moving in together) and I’m terrified to arrive home tonight. Anyone else experience this kind of worry?

this and the pizza rolls in the background is dinner (coke will be gone in an hour lmao)
Created: Fri Nov 9 18:23:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vq9zw/this_and_the_pizza_rolls_in_the_background_is/

“People make assumptions about you based on your body type”
Created: Fri Nov 9 18:18:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vq8pf/people_make_assumptions_about_you_based_on_your/

[Discussion] I just got Invisalign and it’s a restriction game changer
/u/crazy-mcgee [5’5” | 140 | 23.3 | who even knows anymore| F]
Created: Fri Nov 9 18:11:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vq75a/i_just_got_invisalign_and_its_a_restriction_game/
They are little plastic trays that go in your mouth to straighten your teeth that I’m going to need to wear for several years. You have to wear them at least 20-22 hours a day, and can’t eat with them in.

I fasted all day today because it was seriously not worth the pain of taking them out, eat, brushing, flossing, cleaning the trays, and putting them back in. You have to sit down, deliberately eat your meal, and then end eating time by putting the trays back in.
Not only is snacking or impulse-eating is harder to do, but it’s a great excuse for turning down food because people have either understood the hassle or didn’t understand it enough to just accept that my braces mean I can’t eat rn.

I’m way pumped about this. Anyone else have similar experiences?

[Discussion] How important is working out in your goals?
/u/mimedianaranja [Height 5'8" | CW 111| BMI 16.8]
Created: Fri Nov 9 17:58:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vq3pp/how_important_is_working_out_in_your_goals/
My workout routine has always been a source of anxiety for me. In some ways, it’s the biggest comfort I have (outside of food) because when I’m in the zone doing cardio I can quiet all the anxiety and intrusive thoughts I have (yay depression, anxiety and PTSD...). But in other ways I wonder if it’s hurting my goals by requiring me to eat more calories to replace some of what I burn. Currently I workout 6 days a week (and that 1 day off is hell)- mostly cardio with some weights thrown in just to keep muscle tone and I know it’s good for combatting osteoporosis.

Does anyone else workout as a way to justify eating that day? I know I can teeter towards orthorexia at time but I’m sure there’s plenty of workout purgers out there.

[Help] How do you function like a normal human being during longer fasts?
/u/frankxcastle [5'4 | CW: 123 | HW: 160 | F]
Created: Fri Nov 9 17:53:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vq2hh/how_do_you_function_like_a_normal_human_being/
I used to fast 3-5 days all the time, but haven't done anything longer than 24 hours for months. Back then, I was always either super hyper or completely drained. I want to get back on the fasting train and do a 5 day fast. Normally I wouldn't care if I was tired, but on day 3 I'll be seeing my GP for blood tests and on day 4 I have a job interview. I'm just gonna tell my doctor I'm fasting, so no big deal, but I don't want to ruin my interview by blacking out or something. I also imagine I'll have pretty bad keto breath, so I'm hoping some gum will be enough!

I know people take supplements and salts, but what specifically do you do? I never took any in the past, do they actually help with dizziness? Any advice would be greatly appreciated :)

[Discussion] What food do you wish was calorie-free?
Created: Fri Nov 9 17:53:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vq2ek/what_food_do_you_wish_was_caloriefree/
Healthy: Grapes. Grapes are the perfect snack, but all of those carbs kill me.

Definitely not healthy: the Frisco Melt at Steak n Shake. 1,200 for one (1) sandwich.

Does anybody else have a dry mouth after they c/s?
Created: Fri Nov 9 17:44:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vq054/does_anybody_else_have_a_dry_mouth_after_they_cs/
I recently c/s a bunch of potato chips and I noticed that my mouth felt really, really dry. I drank some water and it seemed to go away after some time. I don’t often c/s so I was curious if it was just the chips or if this is a common side affect.

Missing my period and losing my hair?
Created: Fri Nov 9 17:43:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vpzvv/missing_my_period_and_losing_my_hair/
Hey guys, I'm really concerned because lately I've been noticing some changes happening. My periods have always been a bit irregular on the exact day in which they start, but I've never actually missed one before. However this month, I waited and after a week had gone by from the time it was supposed to start I panicked. I took a pregnancy test and it came back negative. I've used protection and have had no issues there, so I highly doubtful im pregnant. Also a lot of my hair has been falling out. In the shower i get frustrated because so much will come out and tangle in my fingers as I'm trying to wash it. I would say I lose maybe 3 handfulls each time. Now I have naturally really thick hair but I still think this is odd? I'm by no means underweight though. I'm 5'2 and 110 pounds. I restrict to around 1000 kcals everyday which is much higher than many people here. Could it be related to that? Has anyone else had anything like this happen?

When your hanging out with friends and your stomach wont stop growling
/u/mabver321 [5'1 | CW 132| GW 100| -11| F]
Created: Fri Nov 9 17:39:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vpywy/when_your_hanging_out_with_friends_and_your/
Im so embarrassed and I know she wants to say something. This is gonna be a long night.

[Rant/Rave] mad @ myself- binged @ disney
Created: Fri Nov 9 17:38:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vpyqq/mad_myself_binged_disney/
went to disney today which was hella fun, but ate wayyy too much (two cokes, a small vegan pizza, and a vegan burger w/ fries). planning on fasting for the next couple days but ugh i was doing good the last few days keeping my cals under 500-600

luckily for in 7miles/+1700 steps but :// this is why i never make progress lmao 💀

where do I belong?
/u/kitt_3n [5'2 | CW: 104 | BMI: 19 | F]
Created: Fri Nov 9 17:16:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vpt1m/where_do_i_belong/
I am so torn between trying to just maintain here and losing more. I'm afraid I will end up in a binge/restrict cycle if I get closer to goal (\~100 lbs).

Does the fact that I want to maintain around 100 pounds mean that I'm no longer anorexic? I was diagnosed in 2012 and have had periods of recovery. Does it mean I'm in quasi recovery now?

Should I just join a weight loss sub lol? I'm aiming for harm reduction and I don't know what the best place for that is.

[Rant/Rave] Lose It is motivating me so much wtf
/u/Serenescence [5'8 | CW 124 | GW 105 | 19F]
Created: Fri Nov 9 17:13:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vps8z/lose_it_is_motivating_me_so_much_wtf/
Just downloaded it a few days ago after weighing myself for the first time forever. I started out as 124 (big OOF after assuming I was around 115), but it’s been three days and I’m already down 1.5 pounds? Like uh what my goal is apparently 2 pounds a week? I’m guessing it won’t stay like that forever and some days I’ll magically gain like 2 pounds but god damn results that fast is really making me restrict.

I also really really want to undershoot my limit every day. It set it as 900 something but I’ve been getting like 600-700 a day and I just feel damn great.

[Other] Things I still care about....
Created: Fri Nov 9 17:08:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vpqsz/things_i_still_care_about/

I remember when a boy (my current boyfriend, hah) pursued me really hard my sophmore year in highschool, I felt so good about myself considering that he acted head over heels for me. That's why it kinda killed me when we were laying in bed together and he proceeded to rave about this girl at school that he and his friend thought was just "so beautiful, like model pretty, like too good looking for me and him to ever make a move on." Ouch. What does that make me? Easy to pursue because I'm so mediocre.

The girl that was "model" pretty in his eyes? She was super thin. I've never looked like that in my life.

Fast forward to 3 years later.
I was drinking and hanging out with this guy I had went to high school with, we had just slept together. I really, really liked him. Of course like the other guy, he started to go on his own rave about how all these model looking girls wanted him but he was too nervous to reciprocate. Ouch again.
What the fuck is with guys feeling so comfortable reminding me that I'm the ugly girl they feel so content to fuck? (because at least I don't make them nervous with how hot I am)

It just really hurts to constantly be reminded that you're the one that they're settling for.

These are reasons I won't eat today.

[Help] Costa order?
Created: Fri Nov 9 17:05:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vppyo/costa_order/
Hey everyone!


So I just saw a pretty similar post for this relating to Starbucks, but I was wondering if anyone had any low-calorie orders for Costa coffee (that isn't just black coffee).


I was also just wondering if anyone knew the nutritional values for their coffees/ drinks which are made with soy milk/ coconut milk. They only have the nutritional information for their drinks made with skim milk available, and it's really bugging me out because I can't find the specific values.



[Discussion] Do you guys ever have brief moments where you think you look at least ok?
/u/fuckinhelpmehdhd [5'8 | CW 137 | GW 117]
Created: Fri Nov 9 17:00:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vpoif/do_you_guys_ever_have_brief_moments_where_you/
I looked at a picture of myself that normally makes me want to kill myself and for some reason I thought "wtf I actually look ok." It took about 10 seconds for me to go back to thinking I'm a fat and ugly piece of shit. Does this happen to anyone else?

When your boyfriend shows up to pick you up at work after you vomit and pass out from low blood sugar just to take you home and tuck you into bed with a cup of tea.
/u/Internet_Ugly [5'7.75" | CW 161.6lbs | BMI 24.53| -78.4lbs | 26 F]
Created: Fri Nov 9 16:58:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vpnyp/when_your_boyfriend_shows_up_to_pick_you_up_at/

[Discussion] Anyone 5’1??
Created: Fri Nov 9 16:52:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vpmma/anyone_51/
I’ve made a separate account just for this sub and for general weight loss and I was wondering if anyone else here was 5’1 and would know the struggles of weight loss when ur small 💖

[Rant/Rave] Corn is healthy 😠
Created: Fri Nov 9 16:49:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vplmb/corn_is_healthy/
So I'm in the kitchen with my dad and he was telling me about a guy that use to paint houses with him and said that he would go to the gas station and pick up a can of corn and eat it straight from the can as a quick source of energy. My dad said "I mean its convenient and good for you" and my mom yells "corn is starch theirfore its not good for you" I told her they mean PROCESSED STARCH and she got angry and said I didnt know what I was talking about. Yeah, a vegetable is bad for you. Oh fuck off

[Rant/Rave] I want this thing to kill me
/u/secretweightloss [5’4” | CW: 144 | GW: 126 | -51 | M]
Created: Fri Nov 9 16:47:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vpl13/i_want_this_thing_to_kill_me/
tldr; i’m a coward who’s hoping for his ED to kill him because he can’t do it himself

My life is miserable. I struggled through university and barely passed, ended up in a job where it’s too stressful and i’m constantly anxious and upset. My managers are saying they don’t think i’m fit for the role and I need to speak to occupational health to work out how they can ‘support’ me but I know they just want me to tell them stuff they can use against me to fire me.

I have very few friends, of the ones I have i’m not at all a prioritised person. I’m the one who only gets invited places as an afterthought or ‘forgotten’ about or just plain up told I wasn’t invited somewhere. I made plans with a friend last month and then on the day of I sent a casual message just checking if we were still going etc and he then messaged another friend saying ‘ugh guess who just messaged me’ and didn’t reply to my message until 11.30pm and told me no he didn’t want to go anymore. I don’t know what I did wrong.

I thought maybe things were picking up when I started hooking up with someone i’ve had a crush on for years. She was kind and caring and made me so happy but she wasn’t willing to put a label on what we were, and when I asked for some kind of reassurance that I meant something she asked me to be patient because she had a lot of stuff going on. 3 weeks ago something happened and she stopped talking to me. I’ve spoken to her a handful of times when we used to have long conversations every day. She sometimes still sends me memes she thinks are funny. On wednesday I asked if she wanted to hang out tonight. The message was delivered and she didn’t read or acknowledge it, despite being online and talking to other people.

I don’t know what I did wrong, I fucked it all up somehow and if someone can go from seeming like she cares about me to ghosting me that quickly I must be a truly awful person. I’m worthless and I don’t deserve love. I have no hope for the future, I want to die but i’m a coward and i’m scared i’ll fuck it up and just end up brain damaged or something.

So i’m just counting on eventually becoming underweight and maybe my body will just give up and stop functioning, short of getting into a traffic accident that’s the only option i’ve got of escaping this. But i’m such a whale it’s going to take a while and I don’t know how I can keep going like this

I can’t stop binging
Created: Fri Nov 9 16:42:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vpjyu/i_cant_stop_binging/
I’m so stressed and sad, and the lack of sunlight seriously doesn’t help. I haven’t binged in so long. :/

[Rant/Rave] Just a thought
Created: Fri Nov 9 16:38:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vpiqm/just_a_thought/
waiting for the day i’m finally thin. my life will be so much better. tbh, even if i faded away i wouldn’t mind, everyone would be better off. maybe one day.

[Tip] Super cute weight app!!
Created: Fri Nov 9 16:36:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vpi9x/super_cute_weight_app/
this is my first (second, but i removed the first one because i’m shy lol) post on reddit so i’m sorry if i do something wrong. i also wasn’t sure if i should flair it as something, so i’m sorry if i should’ve done that. also i’m sorry for my english lol

i just wanted to share a super cute app i found today. it’s called ”Casual Dieting”. i’m pretty sure it’s japanese, and it’s basically just to log your weight but you can also write a diary in it. it has really cute stickers and also automatically asks you to set a password which is also great, and it has a graph. as i mentioned, i found it just today so i haven’t really tried it out but i thought i would share!!

[Other] I should eat today.
Created: Fri Nov 9 16:21:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vpeda/i_should_eat_today/
I had two cans of peas yesterday and felt awful about the second can.

Brought corn to eat at work today, didn't realize it needed a can opener. Fuck.

It's 6pm and the family is going to have pizza and I'm trying to decide if I want to hunt through the kitchen.

I'm just under an over weight BMI.

Ed-nos is a bitch. Healthy for a year or more, suddenly displaying anoretic traits but no one believes you.

Drinking Coffee
Created: Fri Nov 9 16:15:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vpcop/drinking_coffee/
Ok, so I like coffee. I like drinking it, I like how it makes me feel less hungry, I like how inexpensive it is. But when I'm restricting and/or trying to work out after I've had coffee I get SO shaky and woozy. Definitely the closest I've ever been to passing out. Does this happen to anyone else? Do I need to start drinking decaf? Would decaf still help me feel less hungry? What do y'all do?

Lost almost 7kg but can’t see any difference in the mirror?
/u/mentalcasethrowaway [1.71m | SW: 69.7kg | CW: 64.6kg | GW: 60kg, 54kg, 50kg | F]
Created: Fri Nov 9 16:12:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vpboq/lost_almost_7kg_but_cant_see_any_difference_in/
It’s been five weeks since I started keeping track of my weight daily. In that time I have lost almost 7kg (ignore the tag next to my username it’s outdated and I can’t update it until I get my laptop repaired).

7kg is a lot, right? apparently it’s 10% of my original body mass. That seems significant. But I look in the mirror and I am the same as I ever was. My parents have both commented on how much ‘healthier’ I look and praised me, but I just don’t see it.

I bought an expensive corset a few months ago and at the time I would have to get someone to lace it up for me and really struggle to tighten it even two inches smaller than my natural waist. I used to marvel at how skinny I was with even that tiny reduction. Yesterday I put it on again and immediately tightened it as far as it could possibly go (the two steel bones at the back were touching) with zero effort. All by myself. It’s too big now and I’m going to have to sell it second-hand to buy a new smaller one! Wtf??

And yet to me I don’t look any different! I’m identical! What gives?

[Discussion] Who else matches their drink to their outfit?
Created: Fri Nov 9 16:09:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vpauc/who_else_matches_their_drink_to_their_outfit/
Alright hear me out, I’m ridiculously vain and fully aware of it. For the past year or so when I’m in a dairy, picking out my low cal beverage of the day, I’ll fully consider the cans colours and whether or not it’ll clash.

My options are usually the Monster ultra range (orange, white, purple), or a classic coke/Pepsi/sprite.

I picked the orange monster today after a lengthy debate in my head since I’m wearing white shoes/shirt but rust coloured shorts and make up.

I know it’s a small crazy thing to do, but does anyone else? I fully can’t pick something that would ‘clash’ or I panic and don’t want to have it.

DAE make "I'm going to reinvent my life (and be skinny)" plans?
/u/gigi-has-issues [5'9"| CW 155| GW 115| F]
Created: Fri Nov 9 16:02:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vp8t5/dae_make_im_going_to_reinvent_my_life_and_be/
I'm always making plans to reinvent my life, what I'll wear, what hobbies I'll do, what I'll look like, where I'll go, my job, etc. etc. It's a fantasy but I actually do start to plan it and act on those plans. Of course at the crux of this is being skinny which is ridiculous because who knows if/when I'll ever reach my goal and that is THE MOST IMPORTANT PART. I have about 40-45lbs left and although that's actually not THAT much it seems really daunting since I've been losing so slowly the past 4 months.

[Help] *TMI* I’m really scared, someone help? Can’t poop. Not sure who to talk to.
Created: Fri Nov 9 16:00:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vp8ex/tmi_im_really_scared_someone_help_cant_poop_not/
I don’t have insurance so I can’t go to the doctor. :(

We all have weird poop so I figured you guys might know what to do, and I’m sure this is ed related.

I am constipated to hell and back. I normally have huge logs just SLIP out but I’ve ACTUALLY had to go bad but yesterday when I tried- it just wouldn’t. I peaked and it looked weird, like my skin turned funnel-shaped and the poop was just not coming out.

Never had this be so bad that I can remember.


I’m trying to drink water and refrain from eating. Took miralax but not sure that would help with the poop that’s already in my ass/close to coming out.

I’ve been bingeing a lot lately so I’m afraid a lot of gonna get backed up.


I wish I could purge
Created: Fri Nov 9 15:52:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vp63m/i_wish_i_could_purge/
I just went down a dead end road bent down next to a fucking swamp and stuck my fingers down my throat cuz I had a burger and French fries. I can’t bring myself to fucking throw up, I can feel my stomach start to turn, take my fingers out, stick them back in again but nothing comes up. I guess I’m just not trying hard enough but I hate throwing up so much. My life has turned to shit lately and I didn’t have the self control to restrict today cuz im so stressed. Please god just let me be able to purge so I can have some French fries and not cry about it.

It’s my birthday and I can binge if I want to
/u/GohanCake [5’1” | CW: 92 | GW: 86 | 27F]
Created: Fri Nov 9 15:36:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vp1da/its_my_birthday_and_i_can_binge_if_i_want_to/
Hi, it’s 1 hour and 34 minutes before my 28th birthday and I’ve eaten 1500 calories and plan to eat another 3000 before I pass out. Looking forward to seeing what this exciting new age will brings!!! 🙃

*raises my melting Ben and Jerry’s* cheers to the most supportive community I’ve recently been a part of. Thanks for being here for me <3

[Discussion] Googled how to stop binge restrict cycle
/u/Wander3 [Height: 162cm | CW: 37.4 kg]
Created: Fri Nov 9 15:36:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vp1cy/googled_how_to_stop_binge_restrict_cycle/
I googled how to stop a binge restrict cycle and all the advice was don’t starve yourself blah blah.

It got me thinking and all my binge sessions happen when I’m not hungry.

"He always finishes his plate"
/u/Raynx [5'5 | 120lbs | 20.2 | M]
Created: Fri Nov 9 15:32:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vp0fs/he_always_finishes_his_plate/
***Warning : long, pointless life story ahead***

I got a new amazing job and am in the process of moving into the "big city". Even 5 years ago I wouldn't even dream of my current situation. I am in fact glamorizing it as much as judy hopps in zootopia.

One of the things I love is how thin and beautiful most people are in comparison to other places. Nothing beats real-life thinspo for motivation. I truly want to belong with these people with all my heart, although that means I'll need to change my ways real fucking fast.

As you can guess from the title, this was such a wake-up call. Of all the things I've learned, places I've seen, or people I've met so far... This is the only thing that really stuck with me. So, yeah, of course I noticed for myself that I was the only one who took an entree + meal + dessert every time (I only eat once a day, so that's how I'm rationalizing my binges); not only that, but everyone else almost *never finishes their meal*. Like, I can understand someone who plans and eats less than 1000Cal a day, but actually seeing someone order a regular meal and *not eating all of it* felt like such an alien concept for me. They are in a league so far beyond me it's not even funny.

It's only been a week, but when the discussion turned to food/what everyone was eating, and I heard that sentence, I knew I fucked up immensely. In my mind I gave myself time to settle in and ease into eating less so I'd appear less bloated over time. So fucking much for that. *I didn't know regular people never finished their plates!* I legitimately thought they ordered less to begin with. I can't compete with that.

I'm not even going to talk about the time someone shared the video of a colleague eating a third piece of chocolate during a birthday celebration. They both laughed because she ate some chocolate. I'm telling myself over and over again that I could've been in that video... I don't know how I'd have reacted. Someone filming me and saying "look, he's going for thirds!" Who does that? Who? How could I laugh at this?

The true problem is the sheer ease of access of so much food, all the time, which is a complete dichotomy with the thinspo I was talking about earlier. Dedicated breakfast stand in the morning (with of course colleagues who will always pass around free pastries before even beginning to work), cafeteria with varied but very large meals, free coffee and other sugary drinks through the whole building... It's torture. I already thought about food every second of every day before; now I have to make the *conscious decision* of not eating every second that passes.

I can't do this indefinitely. I'd love to fast for days on end, but I'm trying to be as sociable as possible, and that means eating with others. So... My goal is to eat light, every day, without binging like a pig in front of others. But it's so hard for me. I am not anorexic, nor bulimic. I'm either fasting or eating whatever I want. But I can't afford to anymore. Let this be an accountability post as well as a rant.

The kicker : a few hours after eating a large meal at lunch today, someone offered me candy, which I refused because binging a second time would be insane. She had the gall to say "what's the matter, don't you like sweets? Hahaha."


[Discussion] Them: "What are you having for lunch?" Me: "Video games, you?"
/u/OminousAlpaca [Let's not and say we didn't ]
Created: Fri Nov 9 15:29:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vozfg/them_what_are_you_having_for_lunch_me_video_games/
DAE use activities in place of food? I didn't mean to answer them with the truth lmao but I think of meals more like time blocks sometimes

Like, for breakfast, no matter what time of day it is, if it's my first food I call it breakfast. But lunch/dinner/supper/snack are all times of day?

Sometimes I just catch myself thinking "when i get home I'm going to go to sleep for dinner" or "I'm going to play games for lunch" or "I'm going to do laundry for breakfast"

Idk it's weird but does anyone else relate? 😂

[Discussion] DAE feel satisfaction whenever they see old bullies/acquaintances get fat when you’re now skinny?
Created: Fri Nov 9 15:05:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vos82/dae_feel_satisfaction_whenever_they_see_old/
Bc same.

Awhile ago, my brothers and I wanted food from a specific Texan chicken wing place and there isn’t one in my hometown so we called it in at one of their locations to go get it. This particular location was in a very big college town and it was the closest to our house so there was a bit of a wait, which is okay bc it took us nearly half an hour to get there. I go in to get the order and I’m on my way to the to-go counter and I notice a particular girl from my high school class is on the register.

Now this girl was a “popular girl” back then so to say. She necessarily wasn’t a bitch to me, but she ran with that crowd.

When I stepped up, she pretty much refused to acknowledge me despite saying “Hi *name!*” but whatever. I just smiled my smiley self and left with my wings.

The only satisfaction I got out of this interaction is that she had definitely put on a few pounds since high school. *snaps in a z-formation*

[Other] my OMAD (790).... nutritions? idk her
/u/crossdressingcarp [5’10 | 21f | cw: 🐘 | 🍑🐻]
Created: Fri Nov 9 14:53:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vooop/my_omad_790_nutritions_idk_her/

[Goal] I have shoulder pokies now
/u/areddittoshowoff [161cm | C: 57kg | G: 54kg | -17kg | F]
Created: Fri Nov 9 14:51:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9voo76/i_have_shoulder_pokies_now/
I noticed today in the mirror that I can finally see those little bone bumps between my shoulder and my neck!! Google says it’s the top of the scapula/shoulder blade?

I’m pretty happy about that.

[Rant/Rave] Why is my brain so...... messy
Created: Fri Nov 9 14:51:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vonzr/why_is_my_brain_so_messy/
the tiny sliver of my brain thats still logical: You need to eat healthy! Your body knows how to take care of itself and you should trust it, eating a healthy amount of calories will help you in the long run!

The rest of my brain, which is actually just a drag goblin coated head to toe in purple body glitter and blasting "Primadonna" on repeat: Fast for a month and die. Think about how hot you'll look in your coffin, if you die of starvation you'll look hot in the clothes they bury you in and in 100 years when archeologists dig you up they might not confuse you for a whale :)

Everyone is testing me today.
Created: Fri Nov 9 14:26:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9voggd/everyone_is_testing_me_today/
I'm restricting and goddammit, Im bitchy. Help ne get through the day

[Rant/Rave] Anyone else take really good selfies but feel like an absolute cow irl?
Created: Fri Nov 9 14:20:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9voeo5/anyone_else_take_really_good_selfies_but_feel/
I’m supposed to be going to the movies with a guy tomorrow and I really like him. We have mutual friends but have never actually met. We’ve been friends on social media for years and I’ve sent him tons of selfies, even nudes. But I’m so close to cancelling because I feel too fat. I feel like he’s gonna see me and be like “Wow she catfished me. She’s a whale”

I even had a fucking dream that that happened. So I haven’t eaten anything all day in hopes that I’ll somehow wake up skinny af tomorrow 😅

[Rant/Rave] I have no idea how normal people deal with emotions
/u/TheGlitterMahdi [5'4" | 190lbs | 33.25 | -100lbs | Dude]
Created: Fri Nov 9 14:16:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vod8k/i_have_no_idea_how_normal_people_deal_with/
I'm ridiculously depressed for some unknown but almost certainly stupid reason right now (I mean that; I felt great this morning and literally nothing happened that would cause anyone's mood to change but I've basically spent the past 3 hours crying at my desk bc WTF is a brain). And I have literally no clue how to deal with it. All I want to do is order a large pizza and eat that, follow it up with a gallon of frozen yogurt, while watching Netflix in bed.

Like my entire life has basically been an inability to tolerate the slightest negative emotion without outside stimuli. I don't get how some people don't get depression, and I don't get how some people manage to get through life without a single addiction or self-harm technique, and I'm just sitting here in the dark wanting to eat until I make myself sick because I'm sad right now.

This is dumb of me to be writing and is really only tangentially related to this sub. I just don't know how to deal with anything without food. And it's bullshit. I'm sad, so I eat, so I get sick and fatter, so I feel shame, so I eat... But if I'm sad and I don't give in, I feel sad because I'm not making myself feel better and basically no matter what my mood and my weight are never-ending spirals of shit and IDEK and I'm sorry if this is whining.

ED friendly foods to make for others?
Created: Fri Nov 9 14:09:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vobaw/ed_friendly_foods_to_make_for_others/
I go through Hypomanic states where I obsessively bake and cook things for people. I made 4 loaves of cinnamon swirl bread last week for my co-workers. So today I want to cook but I want to make something I can eat too.

I'm making pumpkin snickerdoodles for my co-workers So they are automatically off limits, but I also wanted to make something for my boyfriend to have for dinner when he gets home late today and I know he's going to want to eat with me.

Ideas? I was thinking a baked pasta and just add spinach to half? He eats like a cowboy and I eat like a rabbit.

Anybody else “stuck”?
Created: Fri Nov 9 14:08:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9voatw/anybody_else_stuck/
I legitimately feel like this state Im in could last the rest of my life.

So, I have been hospitalized for anorexia in my past. It absolutely ruined my life, destroyed my high school experience, and tore apart my family. Wouldn’t wish that experience on my worst enemy.

That was at 15 years old. Im 26 now, a mom, and struggle with EDNOS. Im at this point weight wise where if I lose anymore? Ill start to look sick, and my close family and friends will start to be concerned. I also dont WANT to look sick either, so that terrifies me as well.

Im also terrified of GAINING weight of course. So I restrict, count calories, the works.

So its a cycle between “oh, I’ve lost too much! I need to start eating more! I cant let this happen again!” and “oh shit, im getting fat again. Time to restrict!”

And there is absolutely no way I could start “eating intuitively” when I can calculate essentially every meal I eat calorie wise. Im sure many of you can relate to the whole “auto count” feature in the brain am I right?

Its like this is my constant state. Does it end? Will it end? Or is this just the way Im going to be forever?? I mean, my god, its been years and years of this!!! Should I just be prepared to accept this as a perpetual struggle?

Sorry for the rant, Im just looking for some feedback from anyone else who feels the same.

DAE eat preworkout?
/u/wiggimal [5'6 | 128 | 21.0 | -57 | F]
Created: Fri Nov 9 13:59:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vo81s/dae_eat_preworkout/
Not like I do...I totally don’t....it just kills hunger and makes me so productive....or so I’ve heard.... OKAY FINE I EAT THE ENERGY POWDER LIKE A FUCKING FIEND AM I THE ONLY ONE???

[Discussion] I know this is strange but yeah
Created: Fri Nov 9 13:49:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vo59z/i_know_this_is_strange_but_yeah/
I have an ED but it isn't too bad to the point I never eat. My friend (a guy) is the biggest kid in our grade. He has been skipping lunch and breakfast!??! He's done it for a whole week and succeeded only eating one meal a day. Everyone is calling him anorexic at lunch and he didn't even know what it meant.
I know this is awful,, but I sort of wish I could do it.

[Rant/Rave] “You looked like you’ve gained weight!”
/u/applesauceistheenemy [5’10.5” | 140 | 19.5 | -70 lb | female]
Created: Fri Nov 9 13:47:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vo4fo/you_looked_like_youve_gained_weight/
So not what I wanted to hear in group therapy today. (From another client)

Especially because I’ve lost 5 pounds after a 4 month long plateau.

Especially because afterwards, I binged on quesadillas and an apple pie from McDonald’s because I “just had to.”

I’ll get back on track tomorrow. Just, ugh.

[Discussion] why do we all love energy drinks?
Created: Fri Nov 9 13:27:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vnyl6/why_do_we_all_love_energy_drinks/
i can drink energy drinks without being guilty, and i love the feel with an empty stomach. but like why? is there a science behind it? do Y'ALL have reasoning? its just weird for me.

[Rant/Rave] "why don't you just eat?"
/u/tired_platypus [5'4 | 117.2 lbs |F17]
Created: Fri Nov 9 13:12:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vntyj/why_dont_you_just_eat/


sry i just hate when people ask me that, like do u rly think i'm choosing to not eat the gigantic chocolate chip cookie in front of me??? obviously, i'm starving, it's just my freaking ED brain forcing me not to. i don't understand how ppl don't get that asking shit like that is just a trigger

[Rant/Rave] Help
Created: Fri Nov 9 12:43:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vnl48/help/
So I keep doing this thing where I fast until I feel like I'm about to physically fucking die and then binge and then start another long fast and then binge and then fast and etc. I've not been doing it voluntarily, it's just what my ED makes me do. I don't think my body can tolerate this sort of extremeness anymore. I'm currently laying down post-binge and I can feel my heart pounding. The sad part is I already started my fast timer to compensate this binge lol. I'm going to try to make it no longer than a day and then try to high-restrict. Hopefully that'll put an end to this ugly, painful cycle.

Oh, I also have 2 midterms coming up in 3-4 days respectively and I haven't really started studying because my ED has taken over my life. Yay.

/u/dollydomer [5'6 | 107.8|GW 100 |F]
Created: Fri Nov 9 12:35:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vnipl/psa_fun_sized_milk_duds_are_52_kcals/
to all sweet toothed people like me,, 4 milk duds are 52 cals and they last long as we all know. will last way longer if you eat them chilled too ;)

why the fuck do i look so fat hours after eating
Created: Fri Nov 9 12:26:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vnfsq/why_the_fuck_do_i_look_so_fat_hours_after_eating/
ive been eating normally this week and felt like a pig the entire time, my stomach constantly popped out and i found it hard to even see my ribs.

20 hours fast & a poop later, my stomach looks flatter than ever. it makes me not want to eat ever again because i know i'll just inflate again

[Help] Dinner tonight... can’t be suspicious HELP
/u/ihate-chicken [5’7” | CW:109.5 | 17.09]
Created: Fri Nov 9 12:23:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vnezt/dinner_tonight_cant_be_suspicious_help/

[Help] Going out to dinner tonight... can’t look suspicious. HELP
/u/ihate-chicken [5’7” | CW:109.5 | 17.09]
Created: Fri Nov 9 12:19:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vndst/going_out_to_dinner_tonight_cant_look_suspicious/

[Rant/Rave] I have no desire to eat
Created: Fri Nov 9 12:16:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vnctj/i_have_no_desire_to_eat/
It's funny how my boyfriend criticizes my binging behavior because it's unhealthy but doesn't bat an eye when I say I've decided to no longer eat.
Welp, that does it. I now know that I'm too fucking fat to eat food. Here we go, another 24 hour fast. Or for however long I can go. My stomach hurts but honestly I deserve it.

[Other] my mom fatshamed my baby
/u/crossdressingcarp [5’10 | 21f | cw: 🐘 | 🍑🐻]
Created: Fri Nov 9 12:13:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vnbzb/my_mom_fatshamed_my_baby/
i told her he ‘ate’ 2 slices of pizza last night and she said he’s gonna be fat when he’s older im wheezing why is my mom like this who hurt her

[Other] Anyone interesting in being creative writing buddies?
/u/thinsponeeded [5'6.5" | CW: 111| 17.6 | -20 | F | UGW: 104]
Created: Fri Nov 9 11:40:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vn1jy/anyone_interesting_in_being_creative_writing/

[Goal] Day 1 of 3 day fast
/u/thingsarestranger [5’2” | CW:127.2 | SW:160 | F]
Created: Fri Nov 9 11:35:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vmztd/day_1_of_3_day_fast/
I was stupid and binged last night without purging so now I’m doing a 3 day water fast so I can hopefully undo some of the damage sigh. Accountability posting. I’ve never gone longer than 36 hours but I’m feeling oddly motivated so we’ll see. Anything is better than another binge so I’ll just see how long I can go for without being lightheaded.

I wish that hadn't worked
Created: Fri Nov 9 11:34:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vmzrf/i_wish_that_hadnt_worked/
I've been stuck on the same half pound for two days on fasting and finally got fed up this morning. So I spent money I should have saved for gas, on food. I ate two doughnuts, a cinnamon roll and two pieces of breakfast pizza. I gave the rest of the small pizza to my husband and proceeded to purge every bit of it I could get out. Then I sad-napped for two hours. When I woke up just now, I had lost a whole pound.


[Discussion] Aiming for a 3 day fast. Accountability post. Anyone care to join?
/u/thingsarestranger [5’2” | CW:127.2 | SW:160 | F]
Created: Fri Nov 9 11:32:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vmyzt/aiming_for_a_3_day_fast_accountability_post/

So I'm passing body checks I haven't passed in two years...
/u/alzaboschmilk [ 5'10 | 143 | 20.6 | -35 | F]
Created: Fri Nov 9 11:29:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vmxxf/so_im_passing_body_checks_i_havent_passed_in_two/
And I'm both ecstatic and terrified at the same time. My thigh gap is coming back, my hands are looking bony, my hips are more prominent, and my ribs are getting clearer. On one hand, I want to jump for joy. On the other hand, I'm so terrified, I know where this goes. The last time I lost weight, I kept going down to 112 before having a breakdown.
I just can't tell whether I want this to continue or not, I know it's going to be far too easy to slip back into the bad habits, I'm just really kinda scarred. I could put a stop to this and go recover, or i could just not. Does anyone else feel like they're on a precipice?

[Discussion] Past 4-5 years of relapse/recovery.
/u/broketreebranch [AN/BP 🍑: dancinghare]
Created: Fri Nov 9 11:28:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vmxja/past_45_years_of_relapserecovery/

[Discussion] DAE obsessively weigh/measure ingredients when cooking, even when not counting calories?
Created: Fri Nov 9 11:20:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vmv53/dae_obsessively_weighmeasure_ingredients_when/
I feel like I have a strange relationship with counting calories. Near the beginning of my struggles with disordered eating I obsessively counted calories and low restricted/fasted a lot. It was very important for me to measure EVERYTHING. Nowadays this fluctuates. Some days if I binge or just generally overeat I don't count. Sometimes I intend to restrict but still don't count, out of an idea that counting calories and having a limit in mind of say, 800 calories, gives me a weird "permission" to eat those full 800. If I don't count and just try to go by never being full/being very hungry by the end of the day, on most days I'll consume less than that. But no matter what whenever I'm cooking anything I still weigh/measure absolutely everything, and keep the numbers in mind. Almost like a self-preservation thing I guess? In case I feel anxious and need to total up the calories later, at least I'll know how many grams of onion I put, or whatever. It's a little hilarious that some days I can barely remember what I have to study for my classes, or the dates of my midterms, but I definitely know off the top of my head that this morning I ate an omelette with 1 medium egg, 26 grams of egg white, 41 grams of white mushrooms, and 20 grams of onion lol.

[Rant/Rave] So I Fucked Up No Fuck Up November Already
Created: Fri Nov 9 11:08:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vmrer/so_i_fucked_up_no_fuck_up_november_already/
I was doing so well up until yesterday. I binged. I have no idea how many calories I ate, but it was most likely over 3,000. I'm an idiot. I should've ECA stacked yesterday and I didn't. I literally ate all day. It was disgusting.

I know today is a new day. I'm not weighing myself today or tomorrow. I feel so huge and heavy. Back to restricting. I can do this. I messed up one day, but I'm getting back on track.

So proud of you all who haven't messed up so far. 💜

[Discussion] DAE vacillate between restricting and eating "normally" but exercising a lot?
/u/questions_anonymous [5'6.5" | 114 | 18.1 | -50 | F]
Created: Fri Nov 9 11:04:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vmq5s/dae_vacillate_between_restricting_and_eating/
My dumb self lately: running several miles in a snow storm? Come on fatty, get moving. Literally just remaining seated rather than going to get seconds? Nah, we don't have the willpower for that.

[Discussion] DAE's body dysmorphia manifest itself only in the present?
/u/LaRealiteInconnue [5'8" | CW: 152 | GW: 125 | 25F]
Created: Fri Nov 9 10:39:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vmi5g/daes_body_dysmorphia_manifest_itself_only_in_the/
So I have TimeHop (app that shows you your posts/pix from your social media accounts through the years) and it dawned on me recently that I was super hot in those pix ??! The pic that first got me started is from US election day 2 years ago - I distinctly remember being at work and wanting to post a selfie with a particular facial expression due to the events that were unfolding, but I kept thinking "Nah, I'm too unfortunate looking rn. I don't look good at work aaaand I gained like 5 pounds." Welp fast forward 2 years to me looking at those pix - I looked hot. And my eyebrows were on fleek 💯 So I started looking through other even older photos and same...but I distinctly remember feeling overweight, feeling like my acne is fucking up my life too much, feeling like my eyebrows are a stupid shape for my face (lol tbh in 2007-2011 they were cuz yikes thin eyebrows), etc. Dafuq, brain? I just want to feel like I look good in the present, not 2 years ago and not 2 years down the line when I'll be reminiscing how good I looked in 2018, probs 🙄 anyone else relate or will I be a particularly "fun" case for a therapist one day?

[Rant/Rave] i'll never be good enough
Created: Fri Nov 9 10:37:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vmhch/ill_never_be_good_enough/
ive lost so much weight and yet im still ugly. crush on a boy and his ex finds out and sits across the hall laughing at me. i could feel it. and i knew he was embarrassed. if there was any way to force me to stick to my fast, this was it. i want to die. i want to hide from everyone. i want this to be over.

[Tip] Canadian Winter ED problems
Created: Fri Nov 9 10:33:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vmg3a/canadian_winter_ed_problems/

Short and simple Starbucks order?
Created: Fri Nov 9 10:31:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vmfa7/short_and_simple_starbucks_order/
does anyone know any starbucks orders that are short and easy to say, but are as lowcal as possible (100 max, but preferably lower) and not just plain black coffee? i'm going today with other people and i can't order thru the mobile app unfortunately... i also have really bad social anxiety so i hate making long orders (ex: asking for pumps of syrup or any other weird specific things). thanks for your help!

[Other] Currently at Big Lots for 50 cents a bottle
Created: Fri Nov 9 10:28:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vmeh0/currently_at_big_lots_for_50_cents_a_bottle/

[Tip] I just shit in a cup
/u/sstephenn [Recovering 5'10 | 129.8/58.8 | 18.6 | -60/27.2 | Male ]
Created: Fri Nov 9 10:19:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vmbk2/i_just_shit_in_a_cup/
Don’t let it get this bad 😃

[Rant/Rave] Ever gain 7lbs in one day?
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 95 | 17 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Fri Nov 9 10:04:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vm6jr/ever_gain_7lbs_in_one_day/
And see the number on the scale and remember looking at pics of yourself from that weight and thinking how chubby you looked?

My LW was 92lbs in the summer. I’ve just managed to sit below 100 for the last couple of months - I can’t seem to break free - all I do is eat....was sitting at 98 yesterday morning. Not great. Then went out with work friends last night and didn’t think I did too bad but lo and behold the scale just said 105 and I actually hate myself so much. And I still can’t stop eating today because I’m so hungover I’m shaking so I’ll probably be closer to 110 by the end of the day since apparently if I eat one meal I gain half my body weight. I can’t handle this :(

[Rant/Rave] When you cave and have to eat something.
/u/SundownPanicButton [1.57m| CW 54kg|GW 52kg| 21.8| 0 ]
Created: Fri Nov 9 09:51:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vm2da/when_you_cave_and_have_to_eat_something/
Anyone else feel like shit when they’re trying to fast, but your stomach starts to hurt way too much for you to function and you end up having to eat something?

[Discussion] eating a bigger breakfast to avoid snack cravings
Created: Fri Nov 9 09:46:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vm0xm/eating_a_bigger_breakfast_to_avoid_snack_cravings/
My problem is snacking and bored eating but since im trying to tone my stomach I need to watch what I'm eating. I recently started eating bigger breakfasts so that my lunchtime when I eat my 100cal granola bar I'll be good. my meals have been going oatmeal, coffee, banana and then by 12-1pm I have 1 granola bar and usually 1 taco for dinner. I also never eat after 7pm. does anything else have any unusual eating patterns?

[Other] Therapy went well I guess [other][rant]
/u/Alexithymia115 [5'3" | SW:120 CW:117| 20.5|GW:115|UGW:110 | 23F]
Created: Fri Nov 9 09:38:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vly4k/therapy_went_well_i_guess_otherrant/
So I told my therapist about my eating disorder... It went well. She didn't try to convince me to eat more. She briefly tried to convince me of all the physiological blah blah blah about my body set point blah blah blah before I shut her down and told her to shut up LOL like I fucking know already don't fucking tell me shit I already know.

And then we basically just explored the shutdown hyperarousal state that this comes from and the attachment trauma with my mom basically owning my body and trying to possess it and repeatedly physically violating it that this comes from. And we invoked my 16 year old demonic self to come out so we could have a talk. The 16 year old inside me is a fucking rage filled bitch who can't murder her mother but she can murder ME. LOL.

I mean I'm not magically fucking cured but I didn't count calories for dinner last night and even though finishing that bowl with carbs made me want to throw up I just kind of let myself have it. Granted I still know I was under 1100 calories yesterday. So still losing!

Apparently my homework is to work on feeling my body parts and owning them without punishing them. HAHA I tried to think about my toe last night and I looked down saw my stomach and got repulsed so I turned off all the lights and lit candles so I wouldn't have to see every bit of me.

Oh and we're back to weekly sessions because I'm extra crazy lately... Or rather as my therapist says "you're not crazy you have PTSD HUNNY (she can be sassy sometimes)".

On a less ED note more of a psycho-spiritual note, I did a nice cleansing ritual last night got this really nice very witchy cinnamon broom from trader Joe's swept my mother's spirit the fuuuuuuuck out my apt. And then I took a bath and scrubbed her off my goddamn skin. And then last night I had a dream that a giant golden protector dog chased Trump and my mother out of my house hahaha. And that felt good. Or as my SO said "oh so your idols chased all your demons out".

Funny thing just happened
/u/BluntCakes_ [5’7 | CW119 | 18.6 | GW112 | 18F]
Created: Fri Nov 9 09:25:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vltzp/funny_thing_just_happened/
I was walking back to my dorm from my first class and holding my giant travel cup of tea. It’s cold out but the tea is good. I run into two people who just came from the class too, and they asked me if I wanted to get food with them. For most of us on here that’s always gonna be a no, and particularly today since I’m fasting. I say, “Oh, no thanks! I’m good,” and hold up my cup, because, I mean, it’s breakfast (and lunch and dinner). Didn’t think twice about it. To my surprise, they gave me a weird look and said that that wasn’t food, kind of jokingly, but also... I’m sure you’re all familiar with the vibe I’m talking about. I pretty quickly realized what happened and I just went “Haha, well-...” and bounced outta there.

Tea for food is apparently not commonplace outside of us, guys

[Other] Do you have workout videos you do everyday?
Created: Fri Nov 9 09:14:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vlqtp/do_you_have_workout_videos_you_do_everyday/
On youtube for example i have 3 videos i stick to but they are getting kind of boring and i need some new ones. Also tell me how many times you do them 🐥

[Rant/Rave] my mom said to me “jUsT eAt NoRmALLy aNd ExErCiSe”
/u/orangeinfusedbanana [15f | 5’8 | UGW: 100]
Created: Fri Nov 9 09:12:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vlq0t/my_mom_said_to_me_just_eat_normally_and_exercise/
thank you so much omg wow you’ve cured me 🤠🤠🤠🤠

[Rant/Rave] I keep diet pills as a “backup plan” to manage my food stress...
Created: Fri Nov 9 09:11:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vlpoy/i_keep_diet_pills_as_a_backup_plan_to_manage_my/
Just felt like sharing. I bought 60 pills of Skinny Gal diet pills by Rockstar and just keep them hidden in a multivitamin bottle by my bed. I never take them, they’re just there as comfort I guess. When I start gaining or maintaining weight I think “alright, I have those pills. Just try try one more day of restricting, because I have those pills if it doesn’t work.”

I know diet pills are dangerous and honestly never work, but emotionally I feel safer and less stressed out thinking there is a little pill on my nightstand that could make me loose weight, but it’ll come at a cost to my health. So i never take them, they just sit there rooting me on haha

[Discussion] DAE get told they look thinner than they are?
/u/homestuckintraffic [5'7 | SW/CW: 200 | GW: 120]
Created: Fri Nov 9 08:38:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vlfo1/dae_get_told_they_look_thinner_than_they_are/
People usually guess my weight around 150-160 when I'm actually nearly 200. I don't see it though. I think I look like a morbidly obese hog. Body dysmorphia rules amirite?

What are your Starbucks drink orders?
Created: Fri Nov 9 08:20:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vla7n/what_are_your_starbucks_drink_orders/
I need coffee in my life, and I work in a mall which has 4 separate Starbucks so I am there almost every day. What are your favourite drinks that are low-cal yet satisfy your sweet tooth?

Bonus points if they are holiday drinks!

[Other] How I think I look like in the mirror
/u/yellixis [160/ 5'3" |cw: 60kg | bmi: 24 | M]
Created: Fri Nov 9 08:16:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vl8u1/how_i_think_i_look_like_in_the_mirror/

[Rant/Rave] Esophagitis hurts like a MF but at least I have an excuse not to eat.
/u/ArcticLurker [5”5 | CW: 140 | GW: 105]
Created: Fri Nov 9 08:09:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vl6p9/esophagitis_hurts_like_a_mf_but_at_least_i_have/
Today I made the huge mistake of swallowing a very large ibuprofen pill without water (I’m on a bus to London and my smart ass forgot to take some on the bus). Everything was fine for a while until I noticed some discomfort after swallowing which got worse with every time.

I looked up the symptoms and I’m pretty sure I’ve got pill-induced esophagitis. It hurts so bad and makes me cringe whenever I swallow (pretty sure the guy that sits next to me thinks I’m batshit crazy lol)

After some more snooping I noticed one word: dysphagia. I can’t tell you how excited I got when it hit me that even if I WANTED to eat I probably couldn’t because it hurt too much.

I’m omw home from England so I was already trying to think of some strategies to avoid my mothers cooking and this was just perfect. She’s a doctor too so I wouldn’t even have to fake anything because she knows it’s so painful.

But, bois, as I’m writing this I can’t help but notice how insane all this is. Esophagitis hurts like CRAZY. It feels like swallowing concentrated acid. But all my brain can think of is: “Dude this is like fasting but without the risk of a binge! Amazing!!!!!!”

Eating disorders are so fucked. I can’t even.

Knowing I have an event where I’ll be consuming calories and alcohol is stressful
Created: Fri Nov 9 08:08:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vl6mk/knowing_i_have_an_event_where_ill_be_consuming/
Hosting a party for a friend tonight and I’m obviously going to be consuming alcohol and probably snacks so gotta restrict all day for that. Stresses me out knowing I have to drink and eat to look normal. Also stresses me out that I have to keep track of everything. Could be a normal person and just drink and eat and not care but that will not happen haha. Just had to rant!!!!! Also, how do you guys avoid drunken binges? Im always at my weakest when I’m drunk.

Also thanks to everyone in this community, you guys are great.

[Discussion] DAE like feeling hungry?
Created: Fri Nov 9 08:08:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vl6g9/dae_like_feeling_hungry/
i love feeling hungry. it makes me feel so thin and good about myself, especially when im not specifically fasting. when i feel full i hate myself for eating so much. a day where i eat nothing at all is a wonderful day. am i alone in feeling this way?

[Discussion] Couldn’t eat my favorite cereal-List of foods you miss?
Created: Fri Nov 9 07:47:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vl0fo/couldnt_eat_my_favorite_cereallist_of_foods_you/
It was the protein kind that’s actually pretty boring and has more fiber and protein than anything else.
But anyway, I had to really think about it and I changed my mind several times and the people I live with were like “wtf.. it’s your favorite”
We all like it but I think they bought it with myself in mind because I didn’t realize until today but I haven’t bought it in months....

Now I’m thinking about things I’m not “allowed” to eat that I used to love, you know? Like: genuine ramen, chocolate, french fries, most American Chinese food 😭, and more. I convince myself that it’s ok because I’ve found healthier alternatives or that eliminating them from my diet is good for me which again true but I haven’t eaten these things mainly due to my ed 😪 Like even smoothies can be a no go for me and I used to make them all the time. I just hate drinking calories. I don’t drink juice or anything like that either and I used to love sugary drinks like snapple. Even 0cal juice or fizzy drinks can be a no go 🤦🏾‍♀️

What are some foods you miss or don’t allow yourself to indulge in?

Aah yes, body dysmorphia in a nutshell. (Sorry for the typos, I never proofread)
Created: Fri Nov 9 07:32:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vkw3b/aah_yes_body_dysmorphia_in_a_nutshell_sorry_for/

[Rant/Rave] Took a 2-day Vacation From My Problems aaaaaand now we’re back!
/u/button_eyed_coraline [5'4" | 148 | 25.4 | -92 lbs | Female]
Created: Fri Nov 9 07:31:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vkvt0/took_a_2day_vacation_from_my_problems_aaaaaand/
This week marks my 8th wedding anniversary, and I decided to Eat Normally^TM for the two days I had activities planned with my husband. We went to a fancy dinner Wednesday night in SD and I had a cocktail AND steak AND a fancy coffee drink. I wore a sexy dress in a size smaller than anything I’ve worn in 5+ years.

Thursday (yesterday) we went off-roading and I packed cheese and French bread and fruits but also Gushers and sour cream and onion Lays and a mini cake. We found a gorgeous picnic spot, drank some wine, fooled around, it was great.

I weighed myself this morning and I’ve gained back .8 of a pound. But I’m back to restriction anyway so it’s going to be ok. That .8 of a pound was worth the break I took from my brain. We had an amazing time together and I’m going to hang onto that like flowers pressed in the pages of a book.

That is all. :) Enjoy your day, lovelies!

[Discussion] Protein Shakes
Created: Fri Nov 9 07:28:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vkv0i/protein_shakes/
Does anyone do protein or supplement shakes ?

Dream can feel too real
/u/Wigforfire [5'2 | 100.3 | 18.89 | 30lbs | Female]
Created: Fri Nov 9 07:27:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vkupv/dream_can_feel_too_real/
6 layers of chocolate cake, each separated by a thick layer of chocolate frosting, doused in semi hardened ganache on the outside and armed to the teeth with white chocolate shreds. It must have been a foot tall at least, looking at it from the intersect, and in front of me was half of this monster; my death, by chocolate cake.


My family stood around me. Anticipation? It was my sister's birthday after all, but something about the excitement said it wasn't mustered for her... was she even there? I looked around and there she was, smiling at me, her fork waiting eagerly for mine.


*Why do I have half a cake?* The thought hits me but the expectation has already outweighed the fear and the teeth of the fork break the soft exterior and disappear into the spongy dessert. The first piece of cake hits my mouth and then it's gone. I ate it? All of it? I must have! And I haven't eaten breakfast? That means 3 more meals and 2 more snacks for today!? This cake is from whole foods I have to... I'll estimate... A slice 400 cals? no 500 to be safe. I can't believe this.


And I'm awake in bed now, my sister's birthday is a month past and I haven't eaten cake since then... I had to look up the calories in a Whole foods death by chocolate cake this morning just to be sure. 510.

[Other] Self control is...
Created: Fri Nov 9 07:25:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vku2n/self_control_is/
Not even putting a dent in the basket of chips at the Mexican restaurant. Just a jumbo margarita and a poblano pepper. I feel godly.

Are Fitbits accurate at measuring the number of kcals you burn?
/u/-PM-ME-NICE-THINGS- [5"2 | CW: 51kg | BMI: 20.6 | Ortho]
Created: Fri Nov 9 07:25:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vku1i/are_fitbits_accurate_at_measuring_the_number_of/
I'm looking into getting a Fitbit but want to make sure I don't have false expectations - are they worth it?

[Discussion] Anyone Have big boobs at first and then had small ones from restricting?
Created: Fri Nov 9 07:25:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vku19/anyone_have_big_boobs_at_first_and_then_had_small/
Please tell me there is hope. I hate my boobs the most out of everything that I hate about my body , they’re saggy/gross C cups and they used to be double d’s when I was about 40 pounds ago and all I want are A cups and to be dainty . Small boobs are my husbands favorite unfortunately for me . But I don’t know if my body is capable of having tiny boobs :( . I don’t even care if they’re saggy A cups at this point , I’ve had 3 kids, my perky days are behind me I’m afraid . Anyone go from big boobs to little boobs? Is there hope? Please tell me there’s hope and I’m not stuck with these monster eye sores , they make me sick to my stomach and I just want to cut them off .

[Discussion] what are some good movies/shows/youtube’s to watch when avoiding a binge?
Created: Fri Nov 9 07:13:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vkqvm/what_are_some_good_moviesshowsyoutubes_to_watch/
i’ve been watching amberlynn reid’s vids lately and they put me off so much from eating and help me when fasting, especially when so many of her excuses i’ve used myself.

what do y’all watch?

[Rant/Rave] Glamorizing EDs?
Created: Fri Nov 9 06:55:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vklnq/glamorizing_eds/
Interrupting regularly scheduled programming for this absolute rant (sorry):

I saw someone on r/progresspics yesterday who lost something like 80-100 pounds in six months via simple old CICO. Now, of course I'm happy for them, but, honestly, it's highly unlikely that amount of weight was lost in that time period without severe restriction.

No one commented anything other than, "you go, girl!" Or, "you look great, keep going!"

The only difference between what that OP was doing and what we experience is the bingeing, purging, chewing/spitting, etc. hasn't kicked in yet, or if it has, she's not able to be honest about it without getting dinged in the comments for it.

This isn't a rant about that person or their weight loss or their potential issues with food. It's about a culture that glorifies weight loss so much that even insane amounts of pounds lost in a short period of time raises no red flags for anyone. And we wonder why EDs are so rampant?

I know I'm a hypocrite here: If the internet hive mind cheered me on for losing that amount of weight I'd be thrilled. I just don't wish this shit on anyone else. I wish someone would caution that OP so it DOESN'T turn into an ED.

On a holiday and trying to refrain from having a panic attack
/u/xParabola [5'7 | CW: 136 | 21.29 | -34 | 22F]
Created: Fri Nov 9 06:46:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vkjfk/on_a_holiday_and_trying_to_refrain_from_having_a/
I’ve done well lately and thought I had largely recovered. I went from fasting/OMAD to eating regular meals multiple times a day for about 2 months now.

Currently I’m on a holiday and letting myself go a bit. I just saw myself in the mirror and I have gained. A lot. I just took photo’s and compared it to two months ago and I look HUGE and I’m trying not to panic here.

Fuck, I really want to relapse and just fast until I’m back at my LW again but I still have 1,5 weeks to go with my mom monitoring me constantly (thus purging not being an option).

Sorry for the rant. I didn’t know where to go. I really want to crawl out of my skin right now, what the fuck have I done..

[Discussion] DAE count calories for fresh fruit?
/u/skinnycoffee [5’2” | 102 | 18.7 | -38 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Nov 9 06:42:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vki9w/dae_count_calories_for_fresh_fruit/
I haven’t been as diligent about counting fruit calories as I used to but I’ve been looking extra bloated and ugly lately so I’m doubling down on counting every calorie I consume. But is it “”odd”” to count fruit calories or does everyone else do it too?

As much as I love you freaks, I don’t wanna be a freak amongst freaks asgdhdkkfl

[Discussion] Celebrities with ED’s
Created: Fri Nov 9 06:12:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vkapj/celebrities_with_eds/
So I remember my therapist and I talking about signs of bulimia. I was complaining about how swollen my lymph nodes get. (Running seems to be the only cure for this for me) My therapist outright said, “oh that actress Jennifer Lawrence is bulimic. Her face has the tell tale signs.” She told me she can usually tell when people are bulimic. Of course I know certain peoples faces are simply shaped that way but I do notice that J Law is an example of someone who’s face tends to go up and down in terms of swelling. Do you notice or know of any celebrities with ED signs?

I automatically think Mary Kate Olsen in 2008ish, Nicole Richie in the early 2000s and Hilary Duff when she got those veneers.

Princess Diana was also bulimic and wrote and spoke about it in the 90’s. I’ll never forget the way she described it.

[Diana’s speech on ED’s ](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QqNI9aRUb3k)

The fact that Diana, someone I look up to so much, has gone through what I’ve gone through for years makes me feel better. I can’t even really put it into words. RIP Princess Di and thank you for being so open, so articulate and so honest about something very dark, something many of us will never share. 💕 👸🏼

On another note... Sometimes I wonder just how common they are in Hollywood.

The model Charli Howard has spoken about her struggles with bulimia and anorexia in great detail as well. I listened to her on a podcast. I would highly recommend it. It’s episode 15 on the podcast “I’m over it.” Hosted by Atlanta de Cadenet Taylor

Does anyone else find it comforting when celebrities or public figures speak vocally about their disorders, their recoveries and their relapses?

Like this sub it makes me feel less alone and less for lack of a better word, crazy.I truly wish ED’s and mental illness in general didn’t have such a stigma, but coming here reading what you all struggle with resonates so deeply with me.

Don’t know what I’d do without this community at this point. ❤️ So, thank you.

[Help] No Binge Reminders?
Created: Fri Nov 9 06:05:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vk95u/no_binge_reminders/
I need something to snap me out of the mindless binges and the thoughts of “it just doesn’t matter” when I start a binge.

Each morning I do my affirmations and set a simple goal of no binges, and write down possible roadblocks to plan my day and avoid binging. It doesn’t work. I seriously think it’s some sort of out-of-body experience. Yesterday I had a plan in place to avoid the snacks at a meeting - a good plan! But then I get there and I’m happily chatting with a coworker as I settle in, and next thing I know there is a plate of chips and chocolate in front of me that I picked up! Seriously! How?????!!!!! And I hear this part of my brain say, “meh, no biggie, just a little snack” and I eat it AND go back for more.

Then later I tell myself just ONE Oreo. Ha, bullshit. The back part of my brain recognizes the bullshit, but I’m powerless to stop myself.

I need something to snap myself back to reality. I’ve tried setting alarms on my phone and watch with secret “code” word, and it worked for about a day. It went off at all my trigger times as planned, but a day or so later I ignored them.

I’ve considered snapping a rubber band or something on my wrist, but that sounds ridiculous and I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t do it anyway.

Binge eaters, how do you successfully snap yourself back to reality? Is the ANY way to avoid this out-of-body lack of control? I need concrete ideas to put into action today. The holidays are coming and I’m freaking out about the food.

First smoothie in MONTHS due to my fear of liquid cals (besides alcohol). Proud of myself!
Created: Fri Nov 9 05:55:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vk6na/first_smoothie_in_months_due_to_my_fear_of_liquid/

Celebrities with ED’s
Created: Fri Nov 9 05:55:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vk6ks/celebrities_with_eds/
So I remember my therapist and I talking about signs of bulimia. I was complaining about how swollen my lymph nodes get. (Running seems to be the only cure for this for me) My therapist outright said, “oh that actress Jennifer Lawrence is bulimic. Her face has the tell tale signs.” She told me she can usually tell when people are bulimic. Of course I know certain peoples faces are simply shaped that way but I do notice that J Law is an example of someone who’s face tends to go up and down in terms of swelling. Do you notice or know of any celebrities with ED signs?

I automatically think Mary Kate Olsen in 2008ish, Nicole Richie in the early 2000s and Hilary Duff when she got those veneers.

Princess Diana was a know bulimic and wrote and spoke about it. I’ll never forget the way she described it.

[Diana’s speech on ED’s ](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QqNI9aRUb3k)

The Efficacy of Purging - Here's a scientific study for those who were curious, showing how much we can realistically eliminate during a purge
Created: Fri Nov 9 05:43:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vk3w9/the_efficacy_of_purging_heres_a_scientific_study/

[Rant/Rave] I gain two pounds this week
/u/comrade_toastboy [65" | CW: 116 | GW 100-105 | F]
Created: Fri Nov 9 05:37:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vk2kv/i_gain_two_pounds_this_week/
I’m so salty. Now I have to lose 8 pounds instead of 6, by thanksgiving. Guess I’m just fasting and eating less than 500 calories this week and next. Also gonna take a bunch of laxatives to clear myself out. Maybe I’ll whoosh when the period stops. Idk I’m just salty.

[Rant/Rave] Saw my friend eating sugar and got nauseous
Created: Fri Nov 9 05:22:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vjzce/saw_my_friend_eating_sugar_and_got_nauseous/
I saw my friend get a 150 ml cup of coffee and add 15 GRAMS of sugar to it. I'm drinking diet coke and lost my hunger after witnessing that. Godbless

[Help] What is happening with me and what should I do?
Created: Fri Nov 9 05:18:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vjyfa/what_is_happening_with_me_and_what_should_i_do/
I hope this isn’t skirting by what’s allowed on here but I’m seriously worried and confused?

I’ve had an ED for 6/7 years but I “recovered” and gained lots of weight. Recently, 3 months ago I relapsed and since I was starting at such a high weight, I was losing a pound a day.

In the last month and a half I haven’t lost anything. Like seriously. I lose .2 of a pound and I’ll gain it back over the week.

I’m eating close to 300 calories a day now when it started at 600, I purge anything more than 400. This disease is killing me because I can’t see any changes so I keep restricting more. I’m not losing inches around any part of me and if anything I’m more bloated

I have somewhat regular BMs and I drink 3 water bottles a day. I don’t eat salt or sugar. My usual food a day is an egg, a single piece of toast, and plain cooked skinless chicken breast.

I’m always dizzy and I haven’t had more than 1000 calories in months. I’m so confused and worried if something bad is going on with my body

Has anyone experienced anything similar? What did you do? How do I break past this wall? Is there something wrong with me?

[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! November 09, 2018
Created: Fri Nov 9 05:11:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vjwyt/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread/
This is the weekly picture thread for November 09, 2018.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**


Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! November 09, 2018
Created: Fri Nov 9 05:11:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vjwxj/daily_food_diary_november_09_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for November 09, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Rant/Rave] Why am I plateauing?
Created: Fri Nov 9 04:11:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vjkyb/why_am_i_plateauing/
Argh. My TDEE is 2200 to 2600; I have a deficit of 1400 to 1800. I honestly shouldn’t be having a plateau. I want to tear my hair out.

[Rant/Rave] It’s snowing
Created: Fri Nov 9 03:51:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vjhaj/its_snowing/
This is not a drill

Fucking went to leaving for work this morning and it’s snowing. Like real big fully-formed snow flakes. It’s not sticking right now because it was raining earlier so the ground is wet.

My ass is still fat but my body is absolute shit at temperature regulation. I want to die.

Also my throat hurts. I binged last night. And drank two beers on top of liquor.

I’ve gained a scary amount of weight.

Boyfriend wants to go out for burgers tonight (because i whines about him going without me like the fat ass I am, but I’ve been craving a burger from that place for a year and a half and have resisted. Probably going to have to cancel tonight as well.

Have to go work with an absolute bitch today. Like I think I’m leaving this job because of the way they let her talk to me and others.

It’s not even 6 am. I regret getting out of bed.

What are your safe foods?
Created: Fri Nov 9 02:49:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vj5zl/what_are_your_safe_foods/
I’m pretty sure this topic has come up time and time again but I feel like I’m so tired of having the same safe foods and I just want to try something else...

My safe foods have been air fried Zucchini with some herb seasoning and no oil and it’s just lame after two months

[Rant/Rave] My formal dress looks like shit on me because I can’t stop binging.
Created: Fri Nov 9 02:08:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9viz3u/my_formal_dress_looks_like_shit_on_me_because_i/
First time posting here so please bear with me. I just need to rant.

For my formal (next Thursday) I bought a slim (like, skin tight) satin dress with an open back. When I tried it on months ago it looked fine. Tried it on today and I’ve got the worst gut! UGH!

I keep telling myself I need to stop binging so i won’t look like a potato in it, but I seriously can’t stop myself. I’ll go all day, hardy eating, then I’ll pig out at night

I really hate that I can’t have a proper relationship with food 😭

My boyfriend and I broke up and o can't decide whether to binge and cry, or starve and cry.
/u/cancookaroast [179cm | CW: 80kg | BMI: 24.9 | WL: 17kg | 22F]
Created: Fri Nov 9 01:59:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vixfs/my_boyfriend_and_i_broke_up_and_o_cant_decide/

Intermittent Fasting/Weight loss success eating earlier, skipping dinner, going to bed hungry?
Created: Fri Nov 9 01:52:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9viwbq/intermittent_fastingweight_loss_success_eating/
Anyone did or is practicing something like this?

[Discussion] How to respond to ‘if you won’t eat neither will I’ situations???
Created: Fri Nov 9 01:38:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9viu2i/how_to_respond_to_if_you_wont_eat_neither_will_i/
Recently people have started getting overly concerned about me yadda yadda little do they know I’m a healthy BMI and have a long way to go yet haha but anyway,,, I’ve had one or two times where people have said ok if you aren’t eating I’m not either, or if you don’t eat why should I?

This is coming from people who know about my ED.

I don’t want to just say BECAUSE MY MIND INCREDIBLY DISORDERED AND YOURS ISNT but sometimes that’s all I want to do. How the fuck do you even respond to that.

DAE have parents who had/have an ED?
/u/sugafreedreams [18M / 181cm 🏳️‍🌈 Highest BMI: 30.3 / Current BMI: 16.9]
Created: Fri Nov 9 01:35:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vitja/dae_have_parents_who_hadhave_an_ed/
My mom used to be bulimic for almost 10 years, it's someting she told me very recently and I honestly had absolutely no idea. It does explain why she has had over 10 cavities and has to drink cold drinks with a straw so her teeth don't hurt. Looking at old pictures she has the classic bulimia chipmunk cheeks and swollen glands under the jawline, even though she seemed to be almost underweight back then.

I can also understand what drove her into it, she had a very traumatic childhood with abusive parents and a schizophrenic sister to take care of. She moved away from home with my dad at age 17 just to get away from her parents who were constantly arguing and fighting, then refused to have any sort of contact with them for almost 15 years. It's interesting that I also ended up with an eating disorder even though I've personally had the best and most safe childhood anyone could ask for. Maybe it really is genetic.

[Help] Rueben Fest - fear and sandwiches, calorie calculation help requested.
Created: Fri Nov 9 01:22:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9viraj/rueben_fest_fear_and_sandwiches_calorie/
I’m doing OMAD and my husband is insisting we go to this Rueben event thing downtown. And then a cocktail bar for a drink afterward.
I’ve never eaten one before.
I googled calories but each was different.
Does anyone have any experience with these? Do ingredients vary a lot?

My limit is 800 a day and I was kind of hoping to save 160cal for one alcoholic drink.
I’m not sure if I should eat a whole one, half, or take out some ingredient. It’s going to be my only food tomorrow.


[Rant/Rave] What happened when I stopped drinking: A Manifesto
/u/brattyfawn [5"1.5 | CW 106 | GW 97 | 19.3 | F]
Created: Fri Nov 9 01:13:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vipmw/what_happened_when_i_stopped_drinking_a_manifesto/
*Fuck,* that vodka made me gain so much weight. I wonder how much I'll lose now that I'm in recovery?

3.3 pounds in a week?! And I didn't even try???!! YAAAAAASSSSSSSS

I wonder how much more I'll lose if I just throw in a walk every morning and eat cleaner?

Another 3 pounds in a week? This is amazing, why did I never think of this before?! Oh, right. I'm an alcoholic. Fair enough. Anyway, recovery rules!

I should start tracking my calories again. Not like I did when I had an ED 6 years ago, just to see how many I'm eating a day to lose weight. Nothing crazy.

Hmm... the weight loss is slowing down again. I'll try and aim for 800 calories a day then, that's okay. Better than the 2000+ I was having when I was drinking a bottle of vodka a day or the 300 I limited myself to during my ED, that's for sure!

Down 10 pounds! I still should lose a bit more, though.

I'm going to join the gym. Just to tone. It'll be fine.

I'm going to increase my cardio. Nothing crazy, just up my time on the treadmill.

I should cut eggs out of my diet again. Too many calories. No more oil for cooking, either. Or rice.

Should I go keto? Can you do keto at 1000 calories a day? Or HCLF? Decisions, decisions.

Down 17 pounds!!! But still, more won't hurt. And I've done this over 2 months, that's not THAT short of a time frame. ED? Nah, completely unrelated. I'm doing this the *\~\*healthy way\*\~.*


I'm plateauing a bit again. Need to burn more at the gym. 600 calories per session? Let's see how that goes.

23 pounds down! I got down to the weight I said I would maintain at, finally!



I'm still not happy though?




[Other] What’s your ideal body type?
Created: Fri Nov 9 01:10:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vip2b/whats_your_ideal_body_type/
My ideal body type, though it does change now and then, always comes back to a ballet body. Thin, toned, strong as fuck, perky booty, and ting tits. God I’d kill for that body despite knowing what ballerinas go through to get it. I was wondering about you guys! What’s the body type you keep going back to in your head that sounds absolutely ideal?

Sorry if this question gets asked all the time. I searched and it looked like it’s been a while.

anybody else get really bad during the cold season?
Created: Fri Nov 9 00:49:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vil0n/anybody_else_get_really_bad_during_the_cold_season/
for some reason it seems to be the peak of winter/winter itself. macaroni, chips, ice cream, chicken nuggets, pizza, oreos, candy bars, breakfast sandwhiches, you name it. i binge. binge. binge. purge. repeat. it’s so bad. i feel like im getting worse...
i stole a package of brownies and cake pops and 3 cinnamon rolls from work today (cafe) and i feel disgusted. i feel helpless

[Rant/Rave] The drawer of shame. That was a good binge. I’m ashamed to same I’m impressed with myself. I also hate myself immensely.
Created: Fri Nov 9 00:25:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vigrx/the_drawer_of_shame_that_was_a_good_binge_im/

[Other] I drew something today. [nsfw]-ish?
/u/a-confused-princess [5'7| cw135 | gw120 | relapsing?recovering?]
Created: Thu Nov 8 23:57:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vib88/i_drew_something_today_nsfwish/

Recently got a part time job at a fancy schmancy grocery store. The work is fine and the pay is fine ... but omg the temptation
Created: Thu Nov 8 23:52:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9via56/recently_got_a_part_time_job_at_a_fancy_schmancy/
I've binged SO MUCH in the short time that I've been working here! It's so hard because I'm surrounded by delicious food all day and smelling delicious food and watching people buy delicious food ... it makes it so hard to put it out of my mind. Even when I've just finished eating now, I still think about trying out more of the food that I saw that day. :(

Anyone else work in an environment with lots of food? Any advice?

[Rant/Rave] Vapor
/u/imrevolting [5'6 |CW: 147 | GW1: 140| Lost: 17 lbs | 32 F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 23:32:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vi63h/vapor/
I feel so overwhelmed with life right now. Sometimes I wish that I never had to make another decision again. No more action, just rest. I drove around for hours today because I didn’t want to come home. The lines of the road, winding of the steering wheel, soft clicks of the turn signal. Driving in circles through dark neighborhoods to escape. I want to be so light that I float up up up and away like vapor. So temporary, unrestrained, and free.

I am this weekend at my sisters place.... And damn I am so scared...
Created: Thu Nov 8 23:28:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vi5e4/i_am_this_weekend_at_my_sisters_place_and_damn_i/
Like the title says I am visiting my sister. I love her to death and I am so happy to see her. But my Lizard-Brain always loses his shit when I am at my sisters or parents place and I eat everything I see. Everything.


Goddamn I hate myself... Wish me luck and sorry for that short rant.

Is peach down?
/u/puppyfang [♡ 5'6" |GW 115| nb imp ♡]
Created: Thu Nov 8 23:27:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vi57n/is_peach_down/
Is peach down or am I just having connection issues?
I keep opening the app and it’s just the home page but -blank-. Tried closing out the app, restarting my phone, restarting my internet.
Aiiieeee is it just me?

[Rant/Rave] First 24 hour fast
Created: Thu Nov 8 23:20:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vi3qz/first_24_hour_fast/
Im on my 20th hour
I feel okay I guess but I honestly just want to die. It doesn't feel like I'm making any progress because my stupid body will not expell any waste despite all my efforts, my face is still puffy from purging, still retaining water weight.

I know I should be more positive but I just don't feel positive. I stepped on the scale and I'm back to 133 which is disgusting to me. I don't feel clean or empty, my stomach is actually potruding from bloat. I'm so frustrated I just want to sleep.

Tdlr; 1st 24 hour fast but i dont feel better at all because I'm constipated, gassy, and bloated from binging the days before.

[Discussion] I never see people who look like me
Created: Thu Nov 8 23:17:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vi34z/i_never_see_people_who_look_like_me/
I see slender people, big people, short and tall. Hourglass or apple, but I feel like I never see my body type. Maybe I’m just blind but I feel like since leaving school most other girls have either gotten slim or gained weight in the “right” places. For me I did gain a bunch but I’ve officially lost it so now I’m just back at square one. I’m so boxy lol wide and flabby. I feel like so many of you say the same things but I never see other people in public like me. They are always more proportional or maybe just carry themselves better fuck idk LOL

[Rant/Rave] My weight won’t go down 😭
/u/gummypanda95 [5'5" | 112 lb | 18.5 | GW : 100 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 23:16:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vi30f/my_weight_wont_go_down/
Hi everyone - I’ve lurked on the sub for the last few months. My LW was 7-9 years ago at 60 lb, I never ate anything and just slept all the day. I went through a phase where I hit my highest weight 120ish... last year I thought - hey, my weight is finally evening out with me eating (kind of) want I want at 107-109. Since then I’ve slowly been gaining weight and now I’m at 112-113 T.T . I’ve never felt so hopeless about it. I thought I had hypothyroidism but my blood tests came out (kind of) normal (almost borderline on some tests - not enough for medication anyways). I exercise 5 days a week - 3 days cardio, one day legs, one day abs, and walk an average of 7000 steps a day. I eat at TDEE or lower but my weight STILL GOES UP / STAYS AT 113. What the hell???

This made me start to binge and purge (no more than a day or two a week thank god) AND chew and spit 😭 I can’t stop eating all day ... ugh I hate this so much.

Anyone else in the boat of - I am eating TDEE or below AND exercising but my weight STILL won’t go down???

[Rant/Rave] Anyone else have a bit of a drinking problem as well?
/u/applesauceistheenemy [5’10.5” | 140 | 19.5 | -70 lb | female]
Created: Thu Nov 8 23:15:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vi2qs/anyone_else_have_a_bit_of_a_drinking_problem_as/
I never drank until I was 21 and didn’t drink a lot until after I was raped at 21 and went on this huge bender and drank a shit ton while on lithium (whoops)

I tried to go to AA but they said I wasn’t enough of an alcoholic because I hadn’t hit “rock bottom” yet, which basically means getting in trouble with the law I guess? Idk. I was also in college so they were just like “oh it’s just because you’re in college!!”

It got slightly better but I’ve continued to drink heavily. When I was in a long distance relationship, I’d have pitcher margaritas to deal with feeling lonely. When that relationship turned abusive, I’d down a bottle of wine. When that stopped working, I wouldn’t eat but would still drink vodka coke zeroes to help my “anxiety” and to “help me sleep.”

Now I’m safe, I’m in a home that’s safe and I’m with someone who’s safe. It hasn’t been that long so I know I shouldn’t expect myself to be “cured” or anything, but I’m still not eating, I still want to be underweight, and I still went through 3/4 of a bottle of Absolut by myself, in my room alone, this week.

I know it’s all just the same thing but a different face—the over spending, the not eating, the drinking. I just wish I could fix “it,” whatever “it” is. I’m not physically dependent and never have been on any substance, but I still use it as a crutch—I’m lonely, I drink. I’m depressed, I drink. I can’t fall asleep because I’m too hungry from restricting, I drink.

[Discussion] DAE not calorie count alcohol?
Created: Thu Nov 8 23:12:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vi22g/dae_not_calorie_count_alcohol/
Idk it’s something weird I do that I’ve noticed. It’s just too much for me to think about, but it’s probably good tho that I don’t feel like I need too because i’m working on recovering. :)

[Other] I'm probably going to fast for 4 days next week if I can
Created: Thu Nov 8 22:53:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vhxtf/im_probably_going_to_fast_for_4_days_next_week_if/
I have the means to do it. I know I can get away with it and my family won't notice. I don't know if I'm mentally strong enough. I know everyone will think this is a stupid idea and yea, it is. But I really fucking hate myself and I'm so fucking overweight, I just want to die. My eating disorder has been getting worse a lot in the past 2 weeks or so, and it sucks, but oh well. I deserve this:(

[Other] Starting recovery
/u/throwawaysilentcurt [5'5"|CW:125|HW:200|GW:110|21M]
Created: Thu Nov 8 22:45:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vhwa6/starting_recovery/
I have been obsessed with food for so long- bingeing and restricting in a horrible cycle that leaves me very weak and out of shape but at a constantly "healthy" weight that rapidly fluctuates within ten or twenty pounds. I paid $30 for LoseIt premium which I can NOT afford. I go grocery shopping every day because I can't stop thinking about food. I make spreadsheets and lists of calories and products and recipes and many hours of each day are lost to my ED. Recently I've started abusing laxatives daily too and my body feels horrible.

Earlier this week I didn't eat for 3 days and my brain turned to mush. I know that's nothing for some of you, but I felt my mind slow down horribly and I kept doing stuff like putting the milk carton in the cupboard and things like that. I couldn't carry a conversation. I could barely read.

The way it affected my brain felt like a wake up call. I feel so vain having these issues with my body and eating when a bigger part of me doesn't think it matters. I fast/restrict to compensate for out of control binge eating so I knew if I ever stopped, I would gain a lot of weight, at least at first. But I decided this week that I would rather be fat than have my mind completely taken over by obsession and fear and shame and guilt. Even if I end up really fat and unattractive, I can still be happy, but I can't be happy like this.

I want to have a normal, healthy relationship with food, even if it's at the cost of looking good. I have been trying so hard. I bought my biggest fear foods to eat. The first day I binged out of control. The last few days I've been overeating and trying to figure out what normal portions are and stuff but I think I can do this. Already a few times I've felt huge regret. I already can't see my ribs anymore. My belly looks fat and chubby and round again. I kind of look like ET. But I think I will get the hang of it.

Thank you so much for this community. It has meant so much to me. I would love advice but if you have none that's okay, I wish you all the best!!

[Rant/Rave] Cant have one piece of candy aparently
Created: Thu Nov 8 22:40:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vhv8d/cant_have_one_piece_of_candy_aparently/
Im so fucking mad and just fuming right now. I know I'm not super active with you guys and I'm mostly a lurker so I'm sorry for this but this just fueled my ED and anger. All I had today was a bowl of rice and teriyaki grilled chicken that totaled 415 calories. I found the few left over peices of Halloween candy that my fiance had in his lunch box, I hadn't had any and was going to treat myself to a peice of the chewy and crunchy jolly rancher bites.

Right as I'm raving about being happy I found them my roommate says from his makeshift livingroom bedroom, "Aren't you on a diet?"

???????!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?CAN I NOT HAVE A SINGLE PEICE OF CANDY ASSHOLE WHAT THE FUCK I didn't say I was gonna eat a whole fucking bag?? Like what????

He even had the gall to ask if I was okay after I went quiet for a few minutes. What the hell. I just couldn't say anything and turned around.

Now I'm trying not to cry in the kitchen while drinking a bunch of water and taking an ass ton of vitamins to make sure im not hungry. You know. For that single peice of candy. Sorry for the jumbled mess I'm just so shocked bc he is such a "supportive friend" bc he's just "worried about me".

Fuck off and fuck the candy too.

[Discussion] Weight vs Measurements
/u/trickasfuck [170cm | CW: 66.8kg | GW: 59.0kg | -3.2kg | 20F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 22:36:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vhub6/weight_vs_measurements/
I commented on another thread but decided to make my own post. Which do y’all base your progress off of? Tape measure or the scale? As it says in my flair I’m about 170cm (5’7”) and 66.8kg (147lbs) but I wear a size 4/small and my measurements are 35-26.75-37. It feels like my weight is too high for those measurements but idk 😐

[Discussion] DAE irrationally compare themselves in Victoria Secret models?
/u/ricemask [5'6" | HW:155 | UGW: 100 | 🍑: riceemask]
Created: Thu Nov 8 22:33:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vhtoj/dae_irrationally_compare_themselves_in_victoria/
Today my mom told me that the first Filipina model is going to be walking the Victoria Secret Fashion Show and how we're both 21 and how smart she is and how she basically went to the Harvard of the Philippines and how her face is not too tan and how skinny she is! And ya know how Filipino moms go fucking crazy about any kind of reference to Filipinos and the Philippines in United States tv networking!!1!111

So ya, now looking up Adriana Lima's workout plan when in reality ya know she just doesn't eat. 🤷🏽‍♀️

I hate myself...
/u/SnowFaerie [5'6" | SW 170 | CW 147 | GW 115 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 22:30:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vht2a/i_hate_myself/

[Tip] Thanksgiving freaking out but think I may have a plan and wanna help others!!
Created: Thu Nov 8 22:25:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vhrtz/thanksgiving_freaking_out_but_think_i_may_have_a/
If anyone is like me I’m already in an anxiety mode about it and have worked and reworked an idea until I’m about to loose my mind! I usually eat 443 calories a day 6x a week for a weekly total of 1775 calories buuut with thanksgiving I’ve decided to fast two times that week on Tuesday and Saturday and eating 210 calories a day which will be made up of 2 rice cakes-100cals 5 cups veggie broth-75cals and 1 cup popcorn- 35 cals just a slight change to my usual diet! And I’m gonna splurge on thanksgiving with mashed potatoes-1 cup for 197 cals mac n cheese-1 cup for 310 cals stuffing- 1 cup for 109 cals and even a bit of pie for 323 cals ( basically all my thanksgiving meal will be 939 calories)

So basically if I eat 210 calories on Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday and the 939 on thanksgiving, but fast on Tuesday and Sunday I will be at 1,779 calories for a whole week and my goal is to be around or under 1,774 so I’m only a few over and I can fix that by some exercise and purging!!!!

[Rant/Rave] Dreading snow for the first time ever
Created: Thu Nov 8 22:24:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vhrhp/dreading_snow_for_the_first_time_ever/
So normally I'm excited about snow. Snow means skiing, snow means it's beautiful and quiet at night, snow means heating blankets. Snow means happiness.

But no, snow is fucking coming *now*. Tonight. And I'm on this outdoor running plan that I SWORE I was going to see through til the end (23rd) even if it kills me.

I've already been that crazy bitch running at 4AM all month, so it looks like I'm about to double down on the batshit meter and go for a relaxing 75 minute run on the crest of the newfallen 2"-4" fam.

Pray for my ankles.

Electric heated blanket suggestions?
/u/hemp_heart [5'10" | CW: 117 | BMI: 16.8 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 22:23:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vhr8h/electric_heated_blanket_suggestions/
Ok I know some of you here must be #alwayscold. It's getting really bad for me and I need a heated blanket ASAP. I've never bought one before. Does anyone here recommend a specific brand? I'm looking on Amazon rn and it's so hard to tell from just pictures which one is the softest/most comfffff. I don't want it to be itchy. I want it to make me wanna become a blanket burrito and never unravel until I'm dead. Thank you.

[Discussion] Is breakfast important?
/u/ribbet-the-rabbit [168cm| 75kg | 26 | 10kg | F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 22:19:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vhqd9/is_breakfast_important/
Recently I’ve only been having coffee for breakfast. I have morning tea tho. I’ve seen a lot of articles saying that skipping breakfast is linked to weight gain and all these horrible things. Is there any credibility to this?

Justbinged nearly7000 cal in onesitring
/u/littlesmol [5'5" | CW 156 | GW 90 | BMI 26 😭 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 22:17:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vhq22/justbinged_nearly7000_cal_in_onesitring/
Incase yall needed tofeel
Better about youselves i just dranka fuckron of vodka and binges so yayme

I fuckinghate mysel

Dumb snacking habit #18283893
/u/thekroganrebellions [5'5.5"|117lbs|19.2|-19lbs|F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 22:08:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vhnv0/dumb_snacking_habit_18283893/
When I want to eat late at night, I'll wait until exactly midnight because then I can start my calorie count for the day over again. Sometimes when I'm super impatient I'll just be like "fuck it I'm having breakfast at 11:30 pm yesterday". I'm basically half lying to myself in order to prevent a panic attack lol.

Ideally I'd be doing the whole IT/ don't eat after 7 pm rule but times are tough and I aint got the will power for that rn -_-

I’ve been up since 5am
Created: Thu Nov 8 22:06:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vhnah/ive_been_up_since_5am/
My UTI is back, it’s hurting like HELL but I can not seem to allow myself to get a painkiller and drink water.

Because I always weigh myself at 7:15am.

[Rant/Rave] “It’s so cute, you always go for berries as snacks”
/u/mennnaai [5’4/ cw 111 / hw 200 👹/ gw 100🧝🏻‍♀️]
Created: Thu Nov 8 21:58:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vhldj/its_so_cute_you_always_go_for_berries_as_snacks/
Yeah ... “cute”
Fucking adorable the only thing I had to eat today was 50g.

It reminded me to when I was reprimanded for not “eating like a bird” by a grown ass woman when I was a teen.

Fuck pretending this is beautiful I woke up at 4am to work out heavily and cried myself to sleep.

But sure, it’s cute that I only eat berries

How can I mitigate damage of thanksgiving dinner where I know ill binge?
Created: Thu Nov 8 21:57:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vhl6d/how_can_i_mitigate_damage_of_thanksgiving_dinner/

[Intro] I'm back. Featuring thoughts on post-pregnancy weight loss and intermittent fasting.
/u/dontcareifithurts__ [5'4.5|134|-34]
Created: Thu Nov 8 21:55:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vhkqs/im_back_featuring_thoughts_on_postpregnancy/
Decided to flair this as an intro because it's been two years since my last intro and I haven't been very active on here in the past year, since I was pregnant.

Thankfully I had a healthy pregnancy, a quick, uncomplicated delivery, and now I have a healthy 2 month old baby boy.

During the pregnancy, I ate well but still watched my weight for the first few months. Then after the halfway point, something flipped and I just started eating evvvverything in sight.

So, I gained 48 pounds. :) (plus a few prior to getting pregnant)

Now, two months after giving birth I have lost 34 pounds. The first 3 weeks were rough and I had a pretty bad case of "baby blues" so I hardly ate anything at all, slept through a lot of mealtimes, and was awake most of the night. The weight loss went like this:

Week 1: 20 pounds gone. I assume it was baby & placenta & fluids & water weight.
Week 2: lost 5 pounds
Week 3: lost 5 pounds
Week 4: lost 2 pounds
Week 5: lost 1 pound
Week 6: nothing!!!?
Week 7: lost 1 pound

After shedding the weight so quickly before, this is agonizing!!! So I've downloaded an app that helps with intermittent fasting, and it's so comforting to have something flash in front of my eyes "fast has begun" with a countdown until the next time I can eat again. I love it. Has anyone else used an app like this before?

I have so much more to say, but I'll save that for the weekly posts.

Looking forward to hanging out with you lovely ladies again. <3

[Help] How to put weight/BMI next to username?
Created: Thu Nov 8 21:46:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vhimg/how_to_put_weightbmi_next_to_username/
Sorry I’m new here lol

[Rant/Rave] DAE get super annoyed/grossed out by eating noises?
/u/lordjoji [5'3" | CW: 107 | 18.7 | CGW: 100 | UGW: 94 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 21:39:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vhh42/dae_get_super_annoyedgrossed_out_by_eating_noises/
My uni roommate is currently switching between ramen and chips and the mixture of slurping and crunching noises actively makes me want to vomit. This aversion comes on especially hard while I'm high restricting (like right now) but it's not really that I wish I was eating, instead I just feel so disgusted that someone could eat like that. It sucks because I really enjoy my roommate but this is so annoying that I'm starting to dislike her.

[Rant/Rave] I feel like I'm losing my mind
Created: Thu Nov 8 21:27:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vheet/i_feel_like_im_losing_my_mind/
I'm just ranting, you can ignore me.

I don't feel like myself anymore. I've already ruined November and I was really hoping to do well this month. There's no way I'll hit my goal. There was a time I was so good, for at least a year I restricted and I had like this iron will about it, but anymore I just don't have the motivation. I go all day restricting and do a great job. And if I'd just go to bed at a normal time or something then I'd be fine, but I'm up late every night working on my courses for this semester. I've stretched myself too thin this semester because I'm an idiot. I'm doing 17 credit hours and working on undergrad research which I should be happy about but I really don't care about anything. I just binge all night while I work, and I hate myself for it.

I don't know what to do, honestly I want to die. I can feel myself gaining weight and losing everything I worked for but I can't make myself do anything because feeling fatter makes me just hate myself more, which makes me eat. I just feel like I'm going crazy between this and a huge lack of sleep. I've been sick all week, which usually makes me lose my appetite, but even that has just made me eat more. I don't know what I'm doing.

[Rant/Rave] I wish i could rip all the fat out of me
Created: Thu Nov 8 21:27:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vhebq/i_wish_i_could_rip_all_the_fat_out_of_me/
i feel so trapped in my own body. every time i look in the mirror, i find something wrong with me. i restrict all the time and fail all the time. i suck at my ed, i really do. and no one ever fucking believes/cared about it because i’m not thin yet. i’ll fucking show them, maybe when i’m in some hospital they’ll finally care. until now i feel so fucking pathetic and fat. FUCK.

[Rant/Rave] i am a horrible person: more tonight at 10!
/u/poppybasket [5’10 | cw128 (18.4) gw 115 | 17F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 21:19:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vhcil/i_am_a_horrible_person_more_tonight_at_10/
this is something i’m super ashamed of and will probably never admit to another human being so why not spill to strangers on the internet?

i follow people on instagram who suffer from chronic illnesses that make them unable to eat regularly slash do most of anything because i am terribly envious of how skeletal they are. i know they are suffering with a debilitating and painful illness but edbrain makes me wish i looked like that. i just want to be that small more than anything. and it’s pathetic and awful of me and i think about it and how guilty it makes me feel a lot but i doubt i’ll ever stop envying them.

eds can be so fucking sick and twisted

I hate my disorder. I hate my body dysmorphia. Im not thin enough. I hate myself so much I feel like im losing it
/u/ImMissBrightside [5'2" | cw: 93 | gw: 90| 23f]
Created: Thu Nov 8 21:12:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vharg/i_hate_my_disorder_i_hate_my_body_dysmorphia_im/
Im such a screw up. Im a freak. Im not good enough. I don't even know what the hell is wrong with me. I'm so stupid. Im freaking out because im stupid. I can't live like this anymore. Ive had this filthy disorder ever since I was 10. All I do is eat and throw up or not eat at all. And for what? 5 extra pounds? I know im skinny. Im know im pretty. But im not enough. Im not good enough.

I want to cut myself. I havent done that in years but I want it. I always feel worse because of it later. I want to stab myself. Maybe I'll lose weight from the blood loss.

I cheer people up so they like me. Im nice to people so they like me. I do everything so people like me. If they don't, then I have no use anymore. They'd feel bad for me if I died.

What do I even have to be sad about? I cant do anything right. Im just so sad. I feel hungry. Thats just my stupid fucking body again isnt it? I dont have to listen to it.

Im sorry. This is stupid. I would just not post it but I feel I need to, I feel like im losing my mind. I cant manage to tell anyone I know like a normal girl would. I feel sick to my stomach. I just need someone to tell me im fine. Ill be fine in the morning. the way it's always been

[Rant/Rave] Hit my LW. Great, right?
/u/coldbrewkweeen [5'8 | BMI: 18.2 | CW: 120 | GW: 115 | SW: 140]
Created: Thu Nov 8 21:07:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vh9kw/hit_my_lw_great_right/

I have a 14-page paper to write today. I worked at 8-hour shift on my feet. Every one of my precious breaks at work was spent binging and purging. My brain is in a fog and I just turned in the most mediocre assignment of my life. I'm on the dean's list. I don't turn in mediocre assignments. My professor probably thinks I'm doing drugs.

Two weeks before I graduate and I had a breakdown this morning when I had the overwhelming urge to give up. I was supposed to just sail through these last two classes, but instead they're demanding way more than I can give and it's killing me. I can't get wrapped up in this bullshit again.

Thinking of upping my calories tomorrow so I won't binge. But damn, it felt so good to get under 120lbs for the first time since middle school. I finally feel good about my weight, if not anything else about myself.

This sucks.


Created: Thu Nov 8 20:59:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vh7mp/cooking/
Does anyone else have a weird obsession with cooking? For me it makes me, whenever I’m restricting, it makes me feel in control and gives me a sense of pride that I can cook without giving into my desires. When I’m B/p mode I get to calculate exactly what’s in my food and it helps me feel in control. I guess I find it ironic that someone with an ED can find comfort in making food? Does anyone else do this?

[Rant/Rave] Anorexia diagnosis and first appointment
Created: Thu Nov 8 20:56:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vh6xn/anorexia_diagnosis_and_first_appointment/
Since I was 14 I’ve cycled through EDNOS, bulimia, and now anorexia b/p. I’m fucking 21. I’ve got my first appointment with an eating disorder specialist on Tuesday and I’m honestly terrified. They’ve said I have to be weighed in front of them because of my current BMI and that’s pretty much the worst thing I could imagine.

I’m at about 16.9, and I want to get better and not deal with this shit anymore, but so much of me also says I’m a fake and there’s nothing really wrong with me because I don’t look sick.

I hate this.

Restricters: When does the extreme hunger feeling go away?
/u/cantdecidewhatiwant [Height 5'4" | CW 132| F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 20:56:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vh6s7/restricters_when_does_the_extreme_hunger_feeling/

Mood: Hungry
/u/cantdecidewhatiwant [Height 5'4" | CW 132| F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 20:55:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vh6mw/mood_hungry/
I went back to smoking and I'm still so hungry. I'm back to restricting, when does this feeling go away ? It wasn't so hard the first time I lost weight.

Caught my friend Binging - what should I do?
Created: Thu Nov 8 20:51:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vh5n7/caught_my_friend_binging_what_should_i_do/
3 days ago, I caught my friend/roommate in the middle of a binge; she was surrounded by oreo containers & watermelon rinds. She has always been quite shy and quiet, but, recently, she has been secluding herself more than usual. She ran off & has not spoken to me since, kind of scared on how to talk to her about it.... Any idea on what I should do?

/u/sadbean17 [158cm | 54.3 | 21.8 | -5.7kg| 18f]
Created: Thu Nov 8 20:50:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vh5fj/i_just_want_to_eattt/
I'm sitting in the staff room, near tears because I want to be able to eat, it should be easy to just EAT. But I can't, because I've already eaten today and I don't want to lose my progress and gain the whole 7kg back:( fml

[Help] What's the best god damn way to fall asleep when all you feel is hungry???
Created: Thu Nov 8 20:46:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vh4a1/whats_the_best_god_damn_way_to_fall_asleep_when/
And yes, i try using sleep aid, it doesn't work :((( I've also tried eating super light nighttime snacks, but one of my most paranoid ed rules is that i mustn't swallow a single calorie after 4 pm. Eating past my 4 pm curfew will trigger stress and that stress will keep me awake.

I just wanna fall asleep so damn bad D:<

$6 bottle of wine for 180 cals. i’m in love
/u/3ghostly [5’3 | CW: 110.2 | GW: 105]
Created: Thu Nov 8 20:40:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vh2uy/6_bottle_of_wine_for_180_cals_im_in_love/
i went to pick up rice for dinner and seen this strawberry moscato on sale at the grocery store. i hate wine but i decided what the fuck, i’ll do it. my friends would drink it otherwise.

it was 180 cals for the WHOLE BOTTLE. 24 oz. an entire bottle. of moscato. brand is starlight!!!! i about busted a nut. bought it, came right home, and got a little tipsy.

it was $6 at my local winco (cheap grocery store). literally, i was losing money by not buying it. i’m gonna buy two other bottles tomorrow (they had peach and watermelon too i think?)

downside to drinking is that i like to eat. a lot. i ate rice, ground meat, and a giant bowl of cheerios with milk, along with three stripe cookies. i want to throw up. but i won’t. i’m in the shower typing this because i just wanted to share the love.

i feel gross. but also good. because alcohol is good. i deserve this.

i regret doing this on a thursday night but yolo i guess

[Other] Who gets triggered just because you hear someone say “...so skinny too!” about someone you don’t even know?
Created: Thu Nov 8 20:40:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vh2uf/who_gets_triggered_just_because_you_hear_someone/
What is wrong with me???

[Rant/Rave] rambly rant not worth the read
/u/poppybasket [5’10 | cw128 (18.4) gw 115 | 17F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 20:31:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vh0qn/rambly_rant_not_worth_the_read/
oreos oreos oreos
sweet baby joseph all i want is like a whole fucking thing of oreos
i have the worst chocolate cravings 100% of the time and it’s absolutely killing me

i hate myself so much, i eat because i want to feel the texture and warmth and taste but i feel disgusted with myself for breaking a fast or for having the feeling of food in my stomach,
and half the time my c/s turns into a binge

and i go all fucking day empty just to ruin it at night
i get close, i get so fucking close

i see so many anas who have something like the “nothing past 7pm” rule employed, and if i could stop losing control i could manage this and would be fasting so well right now fucks sake

i don’t deserve food or life i am a disease to everyone who has to look at me i shouldn’t go out into public or open my fat disgusting mouth to speak i should never have lived past the first self destructive thought i had, it would have been a less pathetic end

and i still want some fucking chocolate

[Rant/Rave] so thankful i found this sub 🥰🌟
Created: Thu Nov 8 20:20:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vgxwr/so_thankful_i_found_this_sub/
just tried halo top for the first time and it was hella good, i never would of heard of it without you guys!!!

i got birthday cake (280), what are your favorites??

also wanna try quest bars after seeing them multiple times on this sub but dunno what flavor, any suggestions? :o)

[Discussion] The urge to purge
Created: Thu Nov 8 20:12:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vgvqd/the_urge_to_purge/
I haven’t even binged recently- I’ve been restricting/ eating at maintenance. But I keep having this urge to binge just so I can purge it. I don’t know why, maybe the feeling of “I got away with doing something horrible with no immediate consequences.” And the feeling of control that comes with doing something that I shouldn’t but I can so I will. DAE ever feel this way?

[Goal] So I’ve made myself a revised diet!
Created: Thu Nov 8 20:11:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vgvgp/so_ive_made_myself_a_revised_diet/
Breakfast- 1 rice cake 50cals

Lunch- 3 cups of broth 45cals

Snack- 2 cups smartfood popcorn(70cals) and 3 celery sticks(18cals) and a spoonful of pb(90cals)

Dinner- applesauce(90cals) ricecake(50cals) 2 cups of broth(30cals)

It’s a lot of food at low calories for a total of 443 a day and my goal is under 450! Slowly will lower my goal!

/u/minicemilo [167cm| CW:50.5kg| BMI:18.1 | GW:47kg| Gender:F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 20:10:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vgv6t/vacation/
Im gg on a vacation for 3 weeks. The hell am i gunna do...... I can’t possibly track everything cuz i won’t have a scale and my other family members would suspect that smth is wrong.:/ Any tips?

When counting calories, do you all log things like black coffee, mustard or gum?
/u/Ok_mini_ [5'0 | 104 | f 24]
Created: Thu Nov 8 20:07:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vguez/when_counting_calories_do_you_all_log_things_like/
Basically anything that claims to be zero calories but still has *some* caloric value. Do you make room for them in your budget and how?

[Discussion] Anyone else act like a completely insane person at the grocery store
/u/cervidaes [5’4 | CW: n o | GW: 125 | UGW: 115]
Created: Thu Nov 8 20:05:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vgts5/anyone_else_act_like_a_completely_insane_person/
I feel so embarrassed whenever I go to my local grocery store because I’m there like every day and I just act like a crazy person when I’m there ... pacing down the aisles staring at one food for like 20 minutes at a time debating with myself on whether or not to get it ... I look visibly upset whenever I’m there and I’ve cried there so many times lmfao. I feel like the workers know me by now. Like today I went because I felt the urge to binge and went thinking I’ll buy something small and low calorie to satisfy my urge ... was literally staring at ramen for like 10 mins comparing the cal count of different flavors then I started crying a little bit bcs i was already at a really high calorie count for me today. So I put it down and went to look at juice and soda ... just to come back 5 mins later and I did that like 5 times. Cried again. Then went to check out finally with one bottle of la Croix and a 45 cal miso soup packet. Lmfao. I do this so often and I feel like people are judging me afterwards but in the moment I’m like zoned in. I might have to start switching up what stores I go to lol

[Goal] I managed to eat kinda normally today
Created: Thu Nov 8 20:00:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vgsf5/i_managed_to_eat_kinda_normally_today/
So last night was shitttt, no doubt about that.

Most of today was still shitty. Started out with a protein bar and monster (220), was planning on restricting (I go kinda high, about 1000 to 1200) and then I ended up making plans for lunch with a friend, which I don't regret at all. Got a small mac and cheese and baguette, and half of a half of a caesar salad (720), wasn't even tempted to purge, which is *huge* for me.

Then I had veggie soup for dinner, which if it was only that, I would've kept under. Buuuut I made up with my mom over a huge fight last night though, and she made baked chicken wings and sweet potato, which I'm a sucker for. Had a portion of each (403 for everything).

Went to Starbucks, got a tea, with regular milk (omg what) (30). Ended up getting a maple muffin too, because I *wanted* one, but only ate half (220), saved the other for my mom. And then my friend came in with a pizza from a local place, and offered me some. I took a slice, ate it slowly, without going into binge mode or anything, and it was so fucking delicious, I made the conscious decision to eat another. (300ish for both, it was thin and magherita style)

Idek what the point of this is tbh. I just... felt good? I promised myself to log everything into MFP as honestly as I could, and I kept expecting the worst.... but it came to just over 1800? Which is? Maintenance???

Like... it's been such a long time since I managed to eat a whole day normally, I'm feeling proud. And there's something vaguely comforting about the fact that as long as I eat mindfully and within reason, I'm not wildly surprising my TDEE or anything. There's no urge to purge, I might regret it later, but like... I'm chill with me rn and that's p cool ngl. Isn't exactly something I can share with my irl friends, so I guess I will here instead.

[Rant/Rave] When skinnier people call you skinny...
Created: Thu Nov 8 19:53:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vgqng/when_skinnier_people_call_you_skinny/
There are a couple very thin people at my work who have made comments several times about how I will blow away if I lose more weight although I have plenty left to lose ...and today one much skinnier person than me (but naturally skinny) said this to me and another person said “you were skinny last time I saw you, but now you are 12 year old skinny.” Now I would love to be “12 year old skinny” but I a imperfectly average weight and both of these people are so much tinier than me it just makes me feel huge when they say these things - like I am “sooo skinny” for a person like me. Anyone else have experiences like this? At least it is motivating to stop eating

[Goal] The queen
Created: Thu Nov 8 19:51:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vgq7x/the_queen/

[Rant/Rave] Dear body: quit being a bitch...
Created: Thu Nov 8 19:51:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vgq1x/dear_body_quit_being_a_bitch/
Not enough for you that I’m cramping, bloated, and bleeding, but you also have to physically reject the healthy veggies I just ate with more cramping, bloating, and diarrhea?

Fuck you body...

[Rant/Rave] i want to starve to death
Created: Thu Nov 8 19:43:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vgnyc/i_want_to_starve_to_death/
im sure this is common, but i want to starve to death. if i look like this, i dont deserve any food. the only reason i dont kill myself already is because if i die now my body will look like this at the open casket funeral and i dont want that. im driving people away with my issues. im driving myself insane. and so im going to starve to death or else.

[Other] starting a fast
Created: Thu Nov 8 19:40:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vgn0q/starting_a_fast/
im fasting for a couple days. ive been binging a lot. its making me very depressed. so im binging. i just needed to write it somewhere to commit. bam

[Other] I’m glad I’m getting rid of my hair
Created: Thu Nov 8 19:14:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vgfuc/im_glad_im_getting_rid_of_my_hair/
I’m cutting my hair tonight, so then it can be donated to make wigs for kids with cancer. I’m glad. For one, I’ll finally get the short hair I’ve wanted for so long (since I’m ftm). Also, it’s getting to the point where more of it is beginning to fall out - at least I’ll do something good with all of this hair before it all dies and falls out.

Suspicious of calorie counts when I’m more full than usual
Created: Thu Nov 8 19:10:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vgelc/suspicious_of_calorie_counts_when_im_more_full/
I went out to eat with my SO today.. the sandwich said it was 670 calories & I put jalapeños on it. I also drank a diet soda (I never drink anything but water or alcohol). So maybe the soda made me more full?

I logged my sandwich as 700 calories but I was literally full all day which I never am and am very suspicious of the calories.

Anyone else NOT want to get better?
Created: Thu Nov 8 19:09:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vgeeh/anyone_else_not_want_to_get_better/
I am sure this is a 'yes' (and some a 'no') but who else loves going down this rabbit hole?
I know my ED behavior isn't the healthiest but God damn it feels great; to be in this cycle of restricting, to be thinner, and I don't want to recover anytime soon.

does anybody else keep belts that are too big for the satisfaction of making new notches?
Created: Thu Nov 8 19:05:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vgdd3/does_anybody_else_keep_belts_that_are_too_big_for/
like...i could get a smaller belt. mine is worn as fuck and there are smaller sizes. but...going down on notches that are already there on a smaller belt doesn't make me feel as small as poking holes in a bigger one. i can't even articulate why. it just be like that. is this a common thing??

~~anyway in totally unrelated news i poked my thumb with nail scissors because i stabbed them through leather like an idiot~~

I’m going to eat a full meal tonight.
/u/lunarmoth_ [5’5”| 145 | 24 | -20 | 23F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 19:01:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vgc3a/im_going_to_eat_a_full_meal_tonight/
I can achieve my weight loss goals without starving myself. I have been consistently netting 250-500 calories a day lately and it’s been a thrill but I owe it to myself to be healthier. I’m raising my intake to 800-1000 calories but hitting the gym more frequently.

I’ve been increasingly dizzy, unable to sleep or I sleep too much, brain-fogged, hit with intense sadness, unable to get motivated to move on my days off...ugh. But I have no desires to binge and I feel like I could restrict forever at this amount. The hunger doesn’t bother me, but feeling like a brain dead zombie does.

It’s so weird. I only recently started restricting to this amount consistently. I use to be a binge eater. It’s like...somehow a switch flipped in my brain, and the opposite became my coping mechanism instead. I was glad at first...I use to be tiny until I became a binge-eater with no purging abilities. But now I see this is a dangerous “game” and not any way to live a life. I’m hoping I can increase my calories slowly and just eat a healthy amount of calories to lose weight, like max 1000-1200.

[Other] Outed myself to hopefully get better, but still have no intention of stopping
/u/_Pulltab_ [67"| 155| 24.3| -50 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 18:57:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vgb4a/outed_myself_to_hopefully_get_better_but_still/
So I told my best friend, who lives in another state and isn’t aware of how much weight I’ve lost, that I’ve been dealing with some pretty fucked up disordered eating. I didn’t go into a ton of detail but she knows now that I restrict heavily and have a lot of weird issues/obsessions with food.

Side note: she’s a personal trainer and certified nutrition specialist. She of course was beautifully understanding and yet also very concerned and we talked through how I can start turning my thought patterns around and I agreed to at least get 1000 calories on the days I work out. And now she’s sending me all these articles trying to encourage me.

And the truth is, even though I wanted to get better when I told her, I now have no intention of stopping.

[Rant/Rave] New low! 🤪
/u/brattybiologist [5'8" | 126 | 19.2 | GW: 123 | 25F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 18:52:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vg9wy/new_low/
Went to a group fitness class at the gym and had to pause in the middle to go hyperventilate and cry in the bathroom because I am so fat, u g l y and WEAK compared to every other person there. and then coming back in after like nothing happened. 🙃 whyyy am I like this

[Rant/Rave] How the hell am I breaking out, I don’t even eat what kinda trade deal
/u/peyton2724 [5'9'' | CW: 145 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 18:47:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vg8i4/how_the_hell_am_i_breaking_out_i_dont_even_eat/
Okay for real - my face is a freaking explosion of oil and pimples and those pesky nose black heads and I’ve been eating under 500 calories daily like what the hell.

So you’re telling me that my body doesn’t have enough energy to keep my hair in my head but it DOES have enough energy to make a thousand pimples show up on my face? Something doesn’t add up here.

Ed and friendship?
Created: Thu Nov 8 18:43:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vg7hy/ed_and_friendship/
I was wondering if anyone has friends that also have an eating disorder or if it's just you? If you do, what do you think? Is it a date with disaster or nice?
For me personally, it's just me doing my own thing. Mostly in secret mind you lol
But I have no one to talk to about it that understands in any way. And it's rather lonely in that way.
What do you guys think?

[Rant/Rave] My roommate walked in on me...
Created: Thu Nov 8 18:40:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vg6pi/my_roommate_walked_in_on_me/
Guys, I feel so ashamed and weird and guilty. My roommate came home much earlier than she mentioned earlier in the day and I was halfway a papa john's binge (fuk u papa j for having my childhood favorite pizzas), and omg I PANICKED. I had never been walked in on before and even though I was eating in my room and she probably had no idea what I was doing, I felt so exposed.

When I heard the door unlock, I shot up and fabreezed the shit out of my room to get rid of pizza smell and quickly went out and told her I was gonna take a quick nap before dinner. Then I proceeded to eat a whole medium pizza, 6 buffalo wings, and 2 brownies before rushing to the bathroom and turning the shower on and purging the evidence. Afterwards I started sobbing because I felt so terrible and ughhhh it's not her fault at all but I hated lying to her (she's one of my best friends) and it was not a good time.

Now, I have to make us dinner and pretend that she wasn't in the apartment while I stuffed my face and threw up in our toilet. God, I hate myself.

Anyway, this has kinda helped me to be put off of b/p so hopefully I can kick this terrible habit.

I just found an unopened jar of creamy fudge frosting in the cupboard and I need some prayers
Created: Thu Nov 8 18:35:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vg5kc/i_just_found_an_unopened_jar_of_creamy_fudge/
Lord help me.

Keep em guessing
Created: Thu Nov 8 18:27:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vg3a5/keep_em_guessing/

The Mirror (UK) got me SMH with this stuff
Created: Thu Nov 8 18:27:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vg386/the_mirror_uk_got_me_smh_with_this_stuff/

[Rant/Rave] Being a fat a** has made me lose my one support system
/u/turnipforwhut [5'10" | GW 150 | 28.9 | -4 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 18:21:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vg1s0/being_a_fat_a_has_made_me_lose_my_one_support/
**TL;DR - Fuck being "wife-material" and not "girlfriend-material"**

Long time lurker, first time poster. I've seen how supportive this community is and I figured I'd post here because, as the title says, I feel like I've got no one to support me.

I'm terrified of someone IRL finding out who I am, so I can't divulge as much information as I want to, but I needed to talk to *someone*. I'm in graduate school, in my late 20s, and a virgin. My only relationship was a boyfriend in high school that I did nothing intimate with. A few years ago I went to 2nd base with an older (>10 years) coworker/supervisor right as I was quitting my job to go to graduate school. BTW, I never would say there was exploitation or that "quid pro quo" stuff. It was consensual and we had a strong friendship throughout my time working there. My one regret is that it sort of fucked up our friendship and I feel awkward as hell whenever we meet up x1-2/year for lunch. I've tried to reach out recently for advice about career/life stuff and he basically brushed me off and put no effort into continuing a conversation.

Fast forward to the last 1-2 years after I moved >300 miles away from where I grew up; I made a best friend (male) that we've spent basically all of our time with each other. We're currently roommates. I'll admit it's pretty codependent. Eventually after about 6 months of meeting each other it became physical and I later started going to 3rd base. He's been the only male that has ever showed me attention and affection that made me feel genuinely attractive. Since I'm wanting to remain a virgin until marriage (or at the very least, a very serious committed long-term relationship) and recently that has started to become a bit of an issue, and basically I can't give him what he ultimately wants. Our relationship has been complicated by multiple factors, but the reason we've never started dating (once he became single... yes, I was the "other woman" for a while) is that he says he fears that he will fuck it up and lose me forever as a friend and partner. Soooo we've been stuck in this stupid limbo for a long time. No one knows that our friendship has a romantic component, but everyone asks "why aren't you two dating?"

He's had attention from other women (and I'm over here with the confidence of a melted turd and absolutely no prospects), but recently a mutual friend of ours began talking with him and now they've planned to consider dating after the new year, and it really hurts me. In fact, he's going to spend the night at her house tonight because he has to be in her city 30 minutes away in the morning and it's more "convenient" since he was almost late last time he had to go there. He says nothing's going to happen physically... but I can't help but have a sliver of doubt.

I don't know how to be happy for him. I makes me physically ill to hear him get excited/have the butterflies you get with a new relationship even though I want to be happy and know he's going to be happy. He's had a rough time with school as much as I have. I feel super selfish and I can't figure out how to get my mind to accept he's going to be spending time away from me.

I have a few friends/acquaintances in our program, but none of who I can discuss personal topics with. My 2 best friends from prior to grad school are busy with their own lives and we don't keep in contact very frequently.

One time when a group of my classmates went out for a night of drinking, our Uber driver went on a rant about his wife or something, and I forgot what I said to one of his questions, but he responded with "so you're wife-material, but not girlfriend-material." Dear God that has stuck with me so fucking strong since. It's absolutely true. My body is shit, I'm not putting out, but I'm loyal to a fault, plan on being a virgin until my honeymoon, always put people's needs in front of my own and have good traits for being a mother in the future. I can't help but think of \*literally\* all the women in my family across 3 generations and that they've been cheated on by their husbands (and all but one stayed with them). I've almost resigned myself to thinking that I the exact same thing will happen to me, that I should just be happy with whatever guy settles for me, and accept that I'll get old and boring at some point and he'll have to look for someone new and exciting. I hate that I think this way, but given my LIFE-FUCKING-LONG track record of zero adult relationships and 2 guys that I've done intimate things with that later either ignored me or keep making excuses not to stick with me, I'm not seeing much hope.

During college I used to binge/purge (never diagnosed with bulimia) and I got down to around 160 (normal BMI, but 35lbs lighter than my current fat ass) but then the purging stopped after I told one of my best friends at the time. I don't have the desire right now to start puking again, but fuck do I want to be thin. I want to be competitive for interview season next fall and, while I've got good scores, being a gott-damn whale won't help get me any further. I want to feel attractive. I want to have a boyfriend that is "legitimate," that I can tell people I have a relationship and I don't have to feel all this guilt. Relationships shouldn't have to be secret from those you love.

One good thing is that I'm also in $15,000 worth of fucking credit card debt (NOT including fucking student loans), getting close to maxing out 2/3 cards, so binging will be getting a lot harder. Woohoo. I've also started running, so hopefully I drop enough weight so he starts getting nervous that I won't be able to be his "safety" or "back-up" girlfriend/partner in the future.

If you've made it to the end, thank you for listening. Even if you don't respond, I feel relief that this is out to the internet and can feel your supportive vibes from here. :)

King Bulimia
Created: Thu Nov 8 18:19:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vg195/king_bulimia/

[Rant/Rave] I ended my fast!!
Created: Thu Nov 8 18:18:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vg0uk/i_ended_my_fast/
I have an event tomorrow so naturally I’ve been freaking out for 2 months and restricting way too low. I started fasting earlier this week and meant to only fast for 24 hours but I had so much anxiety that I just kept going. I’ve been exercising through this period which is so bad and I’ve been worried I’ll pass out on a trail and hit my head or something. I have dark circles and my face looks very gaunt (even to me)

Tonight I made myself drink a protein drink and I almost didn’t do it. I had to really force it but I did it and I still feel good. It’s a minor accomplishment but I’m proud of myself. Tomorrow this whole thing will be over with and I’m going to eat 2 pints of halo top!❤️

[Rant/Rave] Fuck everything
Created: Thu Nov 8 18:16:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vg0d0/fuck_everything/
*Applogies in advance for the language*

I’ve been binging and purging all week. I feel fucking terrible. I just finished my last binge. I’m fucking miserable. I want to die sometimes. (I’m not suicidal, don’t worry - I could never do that to my family) But still sometimes I pray a car would plow through a red light when I’m driving and end it all for me. I can’t keep living like this. I don’t know how it can even be called a life anymore. I’m 28. I can’t even talk to anyone in real life about it because they all just think this is high school crap I should’ve grown out of by now. I was better for a few years. But it’s like relapse is always around the corner. God it feels like my stomach is going to rip open. My throat is raw. I don’t even think I can purge again tonight. I fucking hate this life.

I’m here at my lowest point (not my lowest fucking weight though unfortunately) in a long time. I’m sobbing. My hair has vomit in it. It looks like I broke a blood vessel in my eye. Not to mention all the blood vessels ruptured on my face. I hate myself. This isn’t beautiful. Far from it.

But I love you guys so much. This is the only place I can come and not feel insane for letting food have complete control over me. Other people don’t get it. It’s just food to them. It’s not demons hiding in your cabinet, fridge, in the cafeteria at work, in the vending machine in the break room, in every convenience store on every fucking block, at every family party, every social gathering, featured in almost every god damn commercial on TV. I’m surrounded by this hell taunting me at all times. It’s fucking everywhere and it feels like it’s killing me. I just want to pass out and not wake up. I want tomorrow to be better, but every day this week I’ve been worse. I do not know what to do. I feel so pathetic and helpless. Not to mention all the fucking money I’ve blown this week on binge food. Money I don’t have. I feel like I’m drowning. I just want to be better.

I’m so sorry I’m always such a downer when I post here. You guys don’t deserve to have to hear me bitch & moan, but I know you’re the only ones who understand. I hope you all get better. I hope all of us do. I love you guys.

Every time I run my hand through my hair... 😭 (NSFL...) Hair loss is real, y'all.
Created: Thu Nov 8 18:14:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vfzrb/every_time_i_run_my_hand_through_my_hair_nsfl/

my first relapse in 7 years
Created: Thu Nov 8 18:06:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vfxne/my_first_relapse_in_7_years/
I turn 22 in a week.

I want to be a skinny bitch for my birthday. The same skinny bitch I was when I was fifteen and ate a Greek yogurt and 7 almonds a day.

The same skinny bitch I was when I would fall asleep tracing my collarbones, ribs, and hipbones.

The same skinny bitch I was when I would watch the numbers drop day by day.

The same skinny bitch I was when I'd drink glass after glass of warm water to stay full. Not that being hungry ever bothered me.

I stopped starving myself when I saw the bald patches. The only thing I loved more than being skinny were my curls.

But now I turn 22 in a week and I want to be a skinny bitch.

The hair never grew back. What's a few more strands lost? I want to be a skinny bitch.

Thanks for reading my rant. I've been hungry for a few days now, and coupled with the stress of University, I've definitely shrunk. I'm afraid I'll binge. Oh, and I'm a Nutrition student.

[Discussion] Do you ever plan a binge?
Created: Thu Nov 8 17:59:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vfvnv/do_you_ever_plan_a_binge/
If we pretend we’re normal and healthy, we call it a cheat day 😜 I’m curious if any one here plans and prepares for binges.

I wish i could. There is something horrifyingly satisfying about feeling painfully full. I want to buy all the fast food meals that i’ve completely cut out from my life and all the terrible carbs and snack foods and just pure crap... I want to mukbang the shit out if it... but i can’t.

Whether I plan for a reward, or a cheat meal, or a whole damn thanksgiving feast all for myself, I can’t bring myself to feel entitled to or enjoy the thing i planned for. I always end up thinking i’ll have wasted a perfectly good fast. Even if i magically lost weight after a cheat i would think i could have lost even more if only I didn’t give in and “reward” myself... (don’t get me wrong, i still suck and binge, i just wish i could at least enjoy it haha)

How about you guys?

Potentially TMI but i figure we all are used to talking poo...
Created: Thu Nov 8 17:59:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vfvj6/potentially_tmi_but_i_figure_we_all_are_used_to/
Just completed third successful day of OMAD at 600 Cal or less and I have been pooping nearly clear watery liquid all day? Anyone have an experience with this?

[Help] opinion on seltzer???
/u/crossdressingcarp [5’10 | 21f | cw: 🐘 | 🍑🐻]
Created: Thu Nov 8 17:52:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vftp4/opinion_on_seltzer/
i recently went cold turkey on diet coke because it made my skin go all kinds of crazy..... and so now i switched to flavored seltzer as my go to ~treat~ and i know this is gonna sound dumb but like i know 0% on seltzer in like the ed context so please educate me on this subject!!! what are the reviews???

Does anyone have advice for getting off EC stack?
Created: Thu Nov 8 17:43:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vfr4q/does_anyone_have_advice_for_getting_off_ec_stack/
Long-time lurker, first-time poster... Sorry if this post breaks any rules, let me know and I can edit it.

Anyways, I am so over this ED. I can't take it anymore! I've spent the past week trying to recover, and I'm realizing I am in way deeper than I thought. I absolutely hate taking Bronkaid every single day, but I simply can not stop! The sad thing is it doesn't even keep me from eating any more. It just makes me feel like my heart is going to explode. When I take it I feel like shit, but when I don't take it I feel even shittier. I'm dizzy and hungry and binge/purge and then hate myself. I am terrified by how I'm treating my body. I just want to be healthy and happy again :'(

[Goal] Just binged after hitting my second goal weight and I feel incredibly shitty
/u/Foureyedlemon [5"4 | SW: 130 | CW: 116.4 | GW: 100 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 17:37:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vfpn5/just_binged_after_hitting_my_second_goal_weight/
Weighed myself today and “gained” 2 pounds after hitting 115 yesterday, but it was most likely just leftover waste in my body. I ate a lot more than I should have today and I feel full and thoroughly disgusting.

I’m just gonna restrict hard for the next week and weigh at the end of that so I don’t have to see the damage I’ve done

H&M is now vanity sizing?
Created: Thu Nov 8 17:36:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vfp5s/hm_is_now_vanity_sizing/
I ordered some clothes online from them and there was a note inside saying they were changing their sizing. They're basically just labeling down a size. So their old size 2 is a 0, their old size 4 is a 2, etc. I've always found their clothes pretty true to size... But now I'm a size 2 instead of a 4 in their clothes despite being smack in the middle of the BMI scale. It doesn't even feel like a win because it's not real. It's crazy that at 5'4 and 130 lbs that I'm the second smallest size 🙄

[Help] anybody else unable to sleep while restricting?
/u/Annewellmorrel [18F|SW100kg|CW78.7kg|UGW50kg|5’6]
Created: Thu Nov 8 17:35:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vfoyz/anybody_else_unable_to_sleep_while_restricting/
Ughhh why am I like this? It’s 00:34 and I don’t feel even remotely sleepy. I’ll catch the z’s eventually but honestly the lord is testing me

[Discussion] Exercise music
/u/nycthrowaway51 [5' 4" | CW: 101 | GW: 97 | BMI: 17.3 | M]
Created: Thu Nov 8 17:20:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vfkn4/exercise_music/
What kind of music do you guys listen to while exercising? For me, it's either sad music or upbeat old music, which I know is a weird mix.

[Help] please help me....
Created: Thu Nov 8 17:09:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vfhho/please_help_me/
i lost weight about two years ago but for the past year and a half, i have been battling binge eating disorder. it has been consuming my life and driving me actually insane. naturally, my weight went up and i am in the process of losing it and hopefully getting even skinnier. i am in college now, and at first, i actually lost some weight. then, the access to unhealthy food literally anytime has led to me binging more than ever the past month. i need to stop because it has been ruining my life and i think i have gained again :( i feel so guilty and disgusting and fat and i NEED to stop binging. i tell myself that ill start going binge-free from tomorrow so i justify today as being the "last binge" but then of course tomorrow comes around and i binge and start the whole cycle over again. i feel like lovely people here understand me better than anyone else and i need help... i really startled myself by having my first suicidal thoughts last week... sometimes i wish i just had someone to talk to about all this....

My ED has always been about being attractive but now things are different
Created: Thu Nov 8 17:07:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vfgrf/my_ed_has_always_been_about_being_attractive_but/
So there was this guy that just wouldn’t leave me alone last year after I rejected him (are most high school guys like that? Do I just attract guys like that? Can they sense low self esteem? Who knows). Anyways I heard him rating girls in class today with his equally gross friend. They were talking about this (actually super gorgeous) girl I know and saying “Eww I’m not even gonna rank her she’s so skinny her legs are like sticks. And that hair, ew”.

And I’m triggered as fuck now. All I want now is to be so skinny that he forgets he ever thought I was hot.

•͈ᴗ•͈ proud of myself for only having 1358cals while my bf was over for the last few days
Created: Thu Nov 8 16:57:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vfe24/ᴗ_proud_of_myself_for_only_having_1358cals_while/
my bf is tall and has a very fast metabolism and will easily order 1300+ cal drive thru orders for himself for a meal. while i’ve had 1358 the last three days, he probably had 2000-3000 for each day lol

when he’s over (he lives 3hrs away so only see him when he has back to back days off and can stay the night or two) i usually end up eating more than i’d like and then just fast for the few days after.

so i’m pretty proud of myself for being able to keep it low while eating out for every meal and not raising any flags :’’’’) 💓

[Other] Ok so this is life with an ED
/u/ImmediateAlien [5'3 | 104.7 lbs | GW 99 lbs | BMI: 19 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 16:55:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vfde4/ok_so_this_is_life_with_an_ed/
46 hrs into a water and coffee fast and I’m licking salt off of a teaspoon.

Ok so this is life with an ES
/u/ImmediateAlien [5'3 | 104.7 lbs | GW 99 lbs | BMI: 19 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 16:52:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vfcoc/ok_so_this_is_life_with_an_es/
46 hrs into a water and coffee fast and I’m licking salt off of a teaspoon.

[Help] binged?
Created: Thu Nov 8 16:51:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vfcah/binged/
idk if this counts as a binge but i was in a 27 hour fast and broke it by having some plain yogurt and granola (because my mom wanted to have dinner with me but i said i wasnt really hungry) but then i felt like eating cookies and i ate 3 and now my stomach hurts and i want to purge but my throat is still kinda sore and idk what to do im kinda losing it here over these stupid cookies i want to starve until next week im sorry

[Rant/Rave] My mom is angry...
Created: Thu Nov 8 16:45:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vfamc/my_mom_is_angry/
So I'm in my room and my mom must have been checking my lunch account to see if it needs to be payed off and she yells "YOU HAVENT EATEN LUNCH AT ALL THIS WEEK? THIS SHIT NEEDS TO STOP" and I angrly said "you just notcied this?!" She doesnt know how to handle a situation properly, she didnt have to yell out so everyone in my fucking house can hear

Created: Thu Nov 8 16:41:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vf9n3/guess_who_got_dumped/
Boyfriend broke up with me cause he's mentally ill as well and even though we ended it off well and will be friends, It still hurts so much.

I don't feel like I can function anymore or at least not for a while.

When coffee is my meal replacement but my anxiety rapidly spikes as a result
/u/anyeducation [5'9"|179lbs|BMI 26.4|-25 lbs|20 F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 16:41:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vf9is/when_coffee_is_my_meal_replacement_but_my_anxiety/
Nothing but pure suffering today pals

[Rant/Rave] S/O to baristas who get it
Created: Thu Nov 8 16:37:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vf8f9/so_to_baristas_who_get_it/
Today I went to order a latte to treat myself for a workout/get some calories in. I ordered and paid for it, then realized I forgot to change the milk. I saw the barista about to measure the whole milk (!!!) and stopped her and asked if they had skim. She said they only have whole milk but was super nice about it, offered the alternative milks (even tho I already paid), but I felt so embarrassed. Ugh. Then the other barista offered the other milks and said “the almond milk is our lowest calorie option!” And it just felt like she totally got me. And I said no it’s fine I’ll take the whole (it’s a fucking 8oz latte!!! I am fine!!!) and she was like, it’s really fine!! And it was just so friendly and nice and I wanted to thank her for being so fucking nice and friendly. Idk I’m emotional af rn but I am so thankful for friendly baristas man.

[Other] Weighing food is super soothing?
/u/kinlinlin [H 6'0 |CW 146 | GW 130 | 25F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 16:34:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vf7mw/weighing_food_is_super_soothing/
I just got my first kitchen scale. Super low-key reason, as it is primarily for baking (I make a mean sourdough).
But I've been using it to weigh my food for the last couple of days and it's really helped with my binge urges. It's holding me accountable for what I put in my body in a way that mfp just can't.

It gives me permission to eat without fear. No fear means no loss of control binges. No binging means no purging. It's a fucking revelation.

Plus it's kind of fun to see what half an ounce of cheese looks like.

Created: Thu Nov 8 16:28:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vf636/fuck_the_police_lol/

[Help] Any “adults” with residential treatment reviews/input/recommendations? I’m 26 and feel way older than all the girls in my PHP.
Created: Thu Nov 8 16:18:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vf33h/any_adults_with_residential_treatment/
It’s hard to read online reviews because I know a lot of places write trash reviews about their competitors, and you can’t always rely on the input of an actual alumni if she/he wasn’t ready to recover.

I’m 26 and have been in a pretty good PHP program since October 16th.

I’m getting a lot of questions about whether I’m getting enough support and how well I can recover if I get derailed by my weekends/nights.

My thing is that I can’t tell if I need a higher level of care (I am not using behaviors at all except minor baby binges) or if I just have a lot of overdue work to do in recovery. A lot of my ED issues are tied into my father’s death in 206 which I really can’t get through. Like maybe I just need to be really focused and patient? Or build a recovery team and utilize them in addition to 7 hours a day in PHP?

I am entertaining the idea of places like Rainrock in OR, Monte Nido Vista in CA, or Timberline Knolls. I’m pretty sure that’s where Demi Lovato and Kesha both went.

Does anyone have any ideas/recommendations? I want to have some access to my phone so I can keep in touch with my boyfriend, and I don’t want to be the only one who’s past college age with mostly 17-18-19 year olds.

Is there a place that gives me a place to live but maybe some freedom in daytime? Nighttime and weekends on my own are when I struggle the most.

[Help] I feel like shit anytime I eat
/u/ihate-chicken [5’7” | CW:109.5 | 17.09]
Created: Thu Nov 8 16:12:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vf19d/i_feel_like_shit_anytime_i_eat/
Things are getting out of hand.

Anytime I eat, I am consumed by guilt. I’m still eating so little but it feels like so much and I am just SO guilty.

Help with feelings of guilt??

[Other] TMI 💩
/u/throwawayyolonot [5'4"| 26F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 16:08:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vf02u/tmi/
I had legit green af bowel movements for days and my ED brain got excited because I thought my food wasn’t being digested and so that means I can’t digest food anymore yay my stomach finally broke or some bs

I’m so on the verge to being done with this

Did I mention how low I’m on vitamins and how my liver tests are actually a blip below normal for the first time I can remember ever

Don’t do EDs kids it’s really not glamorous or fun it’s actually really fucking isolating.

Some (illegible, because me = drunk) Bojack Horseman quotes that were hitting a bit too close to home that I feel like you guys might relate to like I do.
Created: Thu Nov 8 16:06:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vezho/some_illegible_because_me_drunk_bojack_horseman/

[Rant/Rave] Losing ready to see family at Christmas, don't want to be the chubby cousin anymore
/u/wristsPlz [F 5'10" | CW:131.62 | GW:125 | BMI:18.9]
Created: Thu Nov 8 16:05:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vez7a/losing_ready_to_see_family_at_christmas_dont_want/
Right now my biggest motivation is when I go to see family at Christmas. I have a lot of cousins, mostly older than me, but the girls closest to my age are all thin and pretty. Whereas I always felt like the big ugly duckling of the family. Now there's not much I can do about the ugly, but at this pace I'll be underweight by Christmas, hopefully around an 18 bmi, and I don't think many people could call that big.

But the thing is, what I really want now is the worried comments. "You've got so thin" "Are you eating enough?" "You're wasting away!". Even though originally I wanted to be thin to look nice, I feel like now I just want to look fragile and snappable, and so small that nobody else can compete. I don't even know what's up with me at this point.

Also, I'm praying we see my family before Christmas day and not after, as I'm not calorie counting on Christmas and don't want to end up with all my progress undone and a giant food baby when we end up seeing them. That would be so fucking disappointing.

Honwstly can we all just pray to reach our goals. I love this sub and I want you all to smash it too. x

*heart rate goes into overdrive*
Created: Thu Nov 8 16:00:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vexq7/heart_rate_goes_into_overdrive/

Single again.
Created: Thu Nov 8 15:52:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vev6s/single_again/
Just got broken up with. A little background here, I was in an abusive relationship for 7 years but I got 2 wonderful kids out of it. Got back on the dating scene this year, had a casual fling, slept around, and then found an amazing guy 3 1/2 months ago. I told him about a month in I was in recovery but I had already relapsed twice this year. Well stress got the best of me and I’ve been restricting for about a month. I told him last week. He was supportive but said my body needs food and I just need to eat healthy and work out. But he said today its too much for him, the commitment, indirectly the kids, and that he wanted to break up. I had already planned out my few hundred calories I was going to allow myself today but now I feel too numb to eat. I feel like damaged goods. I’ve had an ED off and on since I was 13 and I’m 27 now. I know restricting even more isn’t going to make me feel better. Maybe I want it to make me feel worse today.

[Other] Got called a fat fuck in TOMT
Created: Thu Nov 8 15:39:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9veriy/got_called_a_fat_fuck_in_tomt/
Lol I already know don't remind me

[Rant/Rave] Tmi but..
/u/bexsun2 [5’3 | 109 | BMI 19.3 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 15:38:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ver1i/tmi_but/
Oh my sweet lord, I just want to poop :(

[Other] How tf have i gotten away with having an ed
Created: Thu Nov 8 15:25:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ven62/how_tf_have_i_gotten_away_with_having_an_ed/
my dad is not a dumb guy, he's incredibly observant and a great dad and i love him. But good LORD how is he oblivious to how fucked up my eating habits are

I asked him to buy me like four different flavors of halo top and he asked why i like ht so much and i just went "Oh haha it tastes better than regular ice cream" WHICH ISNT TRUE LMAO I WOULD DIE TO GET SOME REGULAR ICE CREAM

And when i told him to buy stevia instead of sugar i used the excuse of "Sugar is bad for you and increases the risk of ***insert obscure health problem***" and that aint true at all but he just believed me and doesnt buy sugar anymore and????

Plus when i suddenly bugged him about buying me a scale and a fitbit and a yoga mat and all that he was like "Lol im proud of u for deciding to be more active and healthy" but h a h little does he know health is the exact opposite of my worries

I love my dad and love that he tries to be a good caring parent but i just dont know how he hasnt caught on yet. like. wh

/u/taiteisnotcool [5'8 | 120.5 | 18.3 | -28 | Female]
Created: Thu Nov 8 15:23:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vemir/not_getting_a_feeding_tube/
My doctor said my weight is down and my heart rate isn’t too bad but that because I’m doing so well with school (I have severe school anxiety and have been in and out since freshman year) that she will give me a pass and let me slowly increase from 1200!!

Tootsie rolls have now become a safe food for me
Created: Thu Nov 8 15:22:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vem5b/tootsie_rolls_have_now_become_a_safe_food_for_me/
For only 60 calories, you get to eat something for like thirty minutes and its sweet so my sweet tooth is calm. Also, makes me stop feeling hungry

Why do I keep binging when I hate myself so much afterwards‽
/u/0ClandestineCat0 [5'0 | CW:110 | GW:105 | BMI: 21.6 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 15:07:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vehie/why_do_i_keep_binging_when_i_hate_myself_so_much/
I was supposed to have 500 calories max today... I’ve probably had about 2000 and it’s only 5. I had a special event I worked really hard to get into and of course there was super calorific catered food- pasta, parmesan chicken, Caesar salas, and my weakness chocolate cake. I only had 3 bites of the chicken and didn’t get much salad or pasta BUT I had 2 slices of the chocolate cake and 3 whole pieces of rolls (bread). I’m so over what I was supposed to eat and I just wanna cry and die.

I am a fucking moron.
/u/min_imalist [♪ h: 5'0 | cw: 65lbs | bmi: 12.5 | F ♪]
Created: Thu Nov 8 15:03:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9veg90/i_am_a_fucking_moron/
So I hoard food that I love, but I either get too scared to eat it, or I try to postpone eating it for a "special ocassion". WELL, I saved one particular food for such a long time that it spoiled. And I didn't notice until I opened it. Y'all I was looking forward to eating it for *days*. It was expensive as heck as well.

But the worst thing of all?

The fucking *smell* of rotten food.

I'm going to literally have a breakdown over this shit. ~~What the actual fuck.~~

thought this fit better here
Created: Thu Nov 8 15:00:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vefdd/thought_this_fit_better_here/

[Other] Russian body roulette
Created: Thu Nov 8 15:00:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vefch/russian_body_roulette/

5’3 and 115!?
/u/rayckul [Height | CW | BMI | Weight Lost | Gender]
Created: Thu Nov 8 14:47:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vebbl/53_and_115/
(Sorry this is lowkey just me rambling because I don’t know what to do) Last week i was 117 but i just weighed myself after coming home from the gym and I was 115? But I feel like I look bigger this week than last week??????? Does this happen to anyone else too??? What should i do?:(

[Rant/Rave] im a privileged fuck
Created: Thu Nov 8 14:40:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ve8z2/im_a_privileged_fuck/
i was getting back from work and a lady got into the bus to sell candy, i started crying because she works so hard to feed herself and maybe feed her family and then here i am not eating because im an idiot who wants to look pretty (based on what society says is pretty) and turning my self-worth into numbers
im so privileged to have a family that can and wants to feed me everyday but i throw it away or reject it or purge it because im a little piece of shit

When you miss dinner lol
Created: Thu Nov 8 14:31:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ve61p/when_you_miss_dinner_lol/

here’s to never eating Pepperidge farm again
/u/Amoryed [5'9 | CW 120 | GW 95| 19 ]
Created: Thu Nov 8 14:25:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ve4dz/heres_to_never_eating_pepperidge_farm_again/

[Other] Big facts
Created: Thu Nov 8 14:18:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ve20c/big_facts/

[Discussion] I feel this
Created: Thu Nov 8 14:16:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ve18r/i_feel_this/

I wanted to start keeping a journal of how much I eat, what I eat, and my thoughts and feelings throughout the day, so I made this! More info in comments.
/u/catsrule-humansdrool [5'5 | CW 147 | -64 lbs | 23F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 14:02:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vdwz3/i_wanted_to_start_keeping_a_journal_of_how_much_i/

How should you take care of yourself after a purge?
Created: Thu Nov 8 13:55:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vdur2/how_should_you_take_care_of_yourself_after_a_purge/
I'm aware about rinsing with baking soda/water, drinking sports drinks and not brushing teeth for an hour.
Is there anything else I can do to look after my teeth and body after a purge?

my precious lovechilds, these are the things i've lost to my ed
/u/basicvodkaboy [Height 5'9" | CW 119 | BMI 17,6| Weight Lost 64lbs | Gendermale]
Created: Thu Nov 8 13:54:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vdubr/my_precious_lovechilds_these_are_the_things_ive/
\-my butt

\-my dignity: Falling unconscious in the tram? Who the fuck cares? Just pretend it didn’t happen, get out and walk home for 4 km, because clearly, thats a marvelous idea and you need to burn those calories honey

\-my fear of being judged: Walking into the grocery store like a million bucks and buying 4 cans of red bull sugar free and one (1) pack of 90 cals microwave vegetables for my OMAD at 9 p.m? hell yes! buy a bottle of muller-thurgau wine for 6 bucks (only 74 calories per 100ml! 560 cals for the whole bottle!) and a pack of cigarettes? well of course! that’s a healthy, filling meal (you can’t change my mind) and i don’t even care what the other people at the store think of me

\-the rest of my emotional stability: get angry about the smallest thing? it's because you're fat!frantically clean your appartement for 20 minutes and break down crying like a banshee? count me in!

\-my butt (seriously where is it)

\-my image of self: what are we today? a crusty, lardy goblin or the most beautiful godly creature you’ve ever laid eyes upon? tune in to find out!!! (or don’t, because i’m both things all the time, like schrödingers cat)

\-my hair: seriously it’s leaving me with an enormous speed, send help or a wig

\-my academic success: not having the energy to visit the university to obtain some nutritious and important knowledge???? who cares sweatie???? just starve yourself and everything will be absolutely fine!!! (plus you won’t have to worry about your future if you starve yourself to death before you’re 25!!!!)

\-my butt (send thoughts and prayers pls)

\-my financial stability: not spending any money today or waste 3 euros on shirataki noodles, 4 euros on french cornfed chicken (this bitch is indulging herself!!) and 14 euros on the finest absolut raspberri vodka you can find? take a fucking guess!!! savings account who???? i don’t know her

\-the ability to have meaningful sessions with my therapist: i pump through the doors, no brakes, no flakes, what’s up linda guess who still doesn’t have an idea what’s going on in their life (she looks very frightened and has no idea where to start, i can see her trembling of fear, her studies have not prepared her for this crazy boi)

\-my relationships: my parents are constantly asking me what i've eaten, i have no friends and no boyfriend, because who would put up with this fucking mess

\-and last but not least: my butt

alrightey kids, gotta go. my pizza has arrived, i’m gonna have a b/p festival tonight. moral of the story: take care children, i hope every one of you has a great day or night (timezones are strange and a foreign concept to me), and y’all are so fucking precious and i love you

[Discussion] Where do you draw the line between having An Eating Disorder™️ and simply having disordered eating habits?
Created: Thu Nov 8 13:53:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vdu6r/where_do_you_draw_the_line_between_having_an/
This is something that’s been on my mind for a while. I think this is also a potential distinction between this sub and many on 1200ip. So sorry if this type of post is not allowed here but I was just interested to hear everyone’s thoughts!

Created: Thu Nov 8 13:53:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vdu5r/juul/
I have started to juul all the time now instead of once or twice a week and it’s helped so much with binge cravings + nicotine is a natural laxative. Guess you have to trade one addiction for another 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Discussion] DAE get more energy when they start restricting?
Created: Thu Nov 8 13:49:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vdsu1/dae_get_more_energy_when_they_start_restricting/
I've been keeping my calories between 750-900 recently and I'm practically bouncing off the walls. Like I thought it'd be the opposite and I'd be exhausted all the time? My attention span is garbage right now but I'm just raring to go. Anyone else experience this? I'm not asking for medical advice, moreso asking to hear about other experiences

[Discussion] when was the last time you guys wore jeans?
/u/ribbet-the-rabbit [168cm| 75kg | 26 | 10kg | F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 13:26:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vdll7/when_was_the_last_time_you_guys_wore_jeans/
For me I haven’t worn jeans since like I was 10 because I feel so insecure on them. I recently picked up a pair of jeans I bought maybe 4/5 years ago and it buttoned up (with some effort) but it was super tight. I mean it might not seem like much but before I couldn’t even get it up past my thighs. Anyways at this weight i still wouldn’t wear jeans out. How do you guys feel about jeans?

[Help] New diet-
Created: Thu Nov 8 13:26:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vdlgv/new_diet/
Breakfast-rice cake 50Cals
Lunch-nothing water only occasionally broth
Dinner-broth 1-2cups or light dinner based on lunch
Snack-low cal fruit and veggies

Proud hope to stick with this as I’ve been binging like crazy this past week!!!

[Other] other short girls with really muscular/fat thighs?
/u/kitt_3n [5'2 | CW: 104 | BMI: 19 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 13:25:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vdle3/other_short_girls_with_really_muscularfat_thighs/
I'm quite happy with my upper body but my thighs are MASSIVE and I am not exaggerating when I say this. I think it's because I've always done a lot of walking and running my entire life - not something that I want to cut out though. Anyone here have similar issues/find a remedy for their horrendous legs? I'm assuming just losing more weight...? And probably staying away from lower body exercises.

At what point did your legs look proportional to the rest of your body? It makes my body look seriously grotesque :( I'm close ish to being underweight so IDK what to do at this point.

[Help] Body is resistant to laxatives?
Created: Thu Nov 8 13:22:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vdkfm/body_is_resistant_to_laxatives/
Idk what is wrong with my body but I'm hella backed up and bloated and lax does nothing.

Tried drinking senna tea and taking miralax and got nothing out of that. Just bad gas.

Last night I took some generic dulcolax and I still just have bad gas and I took the tiniest poo on the planet. Literally a rabbit dropping. Sorry I know I'm being gross but I'm just so frustrated. I definitely have food in my body that needs to come out :/
Why is my body so resistant to shit?

Binging two times a week?
Created: Thu Nov 8 13:18:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vdj3t/binging_two_times_a_week/
Anyone here binge twice a week? Any weight gain?

[Help] talk me out of purging
Created: Thu Nov 8 13:12:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vdh5g/talk_me_out_of_purging/
I'm addicted. I purge almost everything I put in my mouth unless I happen to eat something while I'm out which I try hard not to do. I just got home and ate a few snacks. 2 slices of raisin bread (80 cals each), Seafood Snackers pack (80 calories), a small bag of plain lays potato chips (160 cals), and an ice cream bar (160 cals). So that puts me at 560 calories for the day. Which, anorexia me would be okay with but bulimia me is NOT okay with it and I want it out. So please, for the love of God, talk me out of it.

Every time I run my hand through my hair... 😭 (NSFL...) Hair loss is real, y'all.
Created: Thu Nov 8 13:04:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vdek3/every_time_i_run_my_hand_through_my_hair_nsfl/

[Help] Does smoking non related tobacco products help you? Fast / Restrict / etc. etc.
/u/caLAfrownia [𝟏𝟔𝟓𝑪𝑴 | 𝟓𝟏.𝟕𝟏𝑲𝑮 | 𝟏𝟖.𝟗𝟕 | 𝟏𝟎.𝟒𝟑𝑲𝑮 | 𝑭]
Created: Thu Nov 8 13:02:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vddq0/does_smoking_non_related_tobacco_products_help/

I used to smoke tobacco but it made my teeth really yellow, I never got in the habit of smoking cigarettes either. it took me about 3 months to finish a pack of parliaments. I admit , it helped take my mind off of food but it restricted my performance in running , ( like ... I run A LOT!!! so the choice was obvious) made my teeth yellow and it gets expensive in CA.
MMJ is pretty expensive in LA too. I lived in Colorado and it was like pocket change. Seriously, if you had a spare 10, you were set for the week. Again, all the stains I found that were suppose to avoid cravings, didn't for me.

A while back I had a boyfriend who was really into hookah.. I remember being at my lowest then..
Does anyone have like a hookah set up that works for you? cause I know those disposable e cigs eat up funds over time.. but then again , if you find the right smoke shop / low prices it doesn't really matter.

is there something else than hookah? brands if it is hookah? idk . what does Ed make you do if its not tobacco or MMj?

[Rant/Rave] Skinny Pants
Created: Thu Nov 8 12:58:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vdcls/skinny_pants/
So right now I own 6 pairs of the Brandy Melville Tilden pants that fit me like too tight leggings when they used to be fitted in the waist and then straight leg/slightly baggy. I call them my skinny pants and keep them folded at the front of my pants drawer and I need these bad boys to fit by the summer. When they fit me I owned 2 pairs and when I grew out of them I bought 4 more so I’ll have motivation to make them fit lmao

[Discussion] What eating disorder stereotypes/rules do you break?
/u/wispybubble [5’10 | 16F | 149 | 20.84 | -27]
Created: Thu Nov 8 12:58:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vdcdw/what_eating_disorder_stereotypesrules_do_you_break/
Here’s mine:

* I do not have any of my shit together. Literally every media representation of anorexia is girls who control everything in their life. I am not a perfectionist.
* I have never been to a therapist for my ED. I’m not ready to recover so I have no official diagnosis.
* I’m queer. Literally every film/boom ever only has the straight girls with boys flocking after her having an ED.
* I have some “safe foods” that are greasy high calorie fast food choices.
* I have never used my eating disorder as manipulative power over someone. Seriously, wtf is with that trope?
* I HATE vegetables.
* I sometimes can make myself eat normally for a few days to please others. (But I hate myself for it the whole time & a week or two after lmao).

[Rant/Rave] when you try to recover and your skin freaks out
Created: Thu Nov 8 12:41:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vd6ye/when_you_try_to_recover_and_your_skin_freaks_out/
made myself some steak, whole wheat pasta and veggies for dinner, had Greek yogurt for dessert, I enjoyed it and felt full! Then I woke up this morning with huge, painful cysts on my jaw and cheeks. I was going to go work out but now I can’t leave the house because I’m putting ice on my face and crying from the pain. Months and months of diligent skincare down the fucking drain probably because I ate dairy and carbs. When I was doing 300-500cal a day of mostly veggies, tofu and tea my skin was great, so honestly how could I be motivated to recover when this is the result of eating a “normal” meal? This sucks

Finally got over the purging in public anxiety
Created: Thu Nov 8 12:40:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vd6nr/finally_got_over_the_purging_in_public_anxiety/
It was a single stall restroom but I was still worried someone might hear. But i was more worried about what I had eaten and getting it out, at least some of it. Now that I’ve gotten over that fear I doubt anything is going to stop me from purging

Created: Thu Nov 8 12:27:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vd2in/still_pretending_they_arent_one_of_us/

[Rant/Rave] Inpatient fucked with my recovery attempts
Created: Thu Nov 8 12:18:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vczeo/inpatient_fucked_with_my_recovery_attempts/
I recently spent five days in a mental health facility that, after talking with friends afterward, seems to be an absolute nightmare of a hospital. They were negligent, and probably made things worse for my mental health, but one thing I secretly appreciated was the lack of food.

It took until my second day for them to tell me, after letting everyone during intake that I am vegan, that I could request vegan meals from the cafeteria. Up until then, I had only been able to eat vegetables and chips. I ate everything vegan provided (because they record everything you eat and I didn't want to be kept longer), and I still was only served ~1150kcal a day.

When I did get to have meals made that were vegan, the only option for lunch and dinner was chikn nuggets that seemed... suspiciously realistic. It took me until the third meal to realize that they were probably actually chicken, but purging wasn't an option. All in all, I was still only being served a max of 1600kcals a day, including the nuggets of LIES, but since I finally had a release day I didn't eat all of that since they stopped paying close attention to my intake.

It was a fucked up experience, and this was the least egregious aspect of the hospitalization. I was constipated for five days because of the chicken, I have refused to eat food unless I made it from scratch, and all of my attempts at recovery have been thrown out the window after losing control of my diet.

I'd love if anyone who has had a similar experience in a hospital to say their piece and make me feel less alone in all of this.

[Rant/Rave] I think I'm relapsing
Created: Thu Nov 8 12:17:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vcz8j/i_think_im_relapsing/
I(29F) used to be severely anorexic in HS (5'9" 115lbs), I got better bit then I was overeating and put on ALOT of weight (HW 235lb). I tried to convince myself that it was better then starvation and that I was happy. I wasnt! I got engaged and my wedding is in 5months. I started dieting and IF and then cut out sugars and then the carbs, similar to keto but far more restrictive. I made sure to eat at least 1k cal a day and hit at least the 85% of my goal fats and all that but now I'm so much less hungry and I feel guilty eating even close to 1k a day. I average about 600cals and I'm around the 35% of daily intake goals. I've also changed my IF from 16/8 to 18/6 and sometimes I do 20/4. I feel like I'm slowly but surely sinking back into ED and I dont know how to stop. It's just SO satisfying watching the scale go down. I've lost over 60lbs already and I feel like 12lb more will make me happy but there this thought in the back of my head telling me I wont want to stop losing. I just want to be a skinny bride so badly!

I think someone in my company heard me...
Created: Thu Nov 8 12:15:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vcyfn/i_think_someone_in_my_company_heard_me/
Hope they think I’m pregnant. 🤷‍♀️

Have you guys ever had a stranger catch you purging (or doing some other disordered behavior)? What’d you do?

[Tip] hunger restraint tips?
Created: Thu Nov 8 12:06:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vcvkk/hunger_restraint_tips/
i really need tips to lose weight and i'm new to this. for me starving myself is about survival, because it's much less likely to kill me than gender dysphoria. for the record, i have an ed because i'm transgender female-to-male and unfortunately i naturally gain weight around the hips, chest, and face, which doesn't bode well for a guy desperately trying to look masculine. gender dysphoria is the reason i'm suicidal and i can't even begin to describe my amount of self-hatred and suffering. i've already attempted twice and i can't go back to the psych hospital. if i can't get on testosterone and rearrange my fat distribution this is all i can do to feel like i'm fixing this stupid fucking body. i don't care about being skinny in and of it itself, but i want my figure to be less curvy.

i can't stop. it's either this or a noose, and i *wish* i was being dramatic. i just need tips on how to restrain the urge to eat, because the reason it's so bad in the first place is because when i got depression i ate as a crutch and i have little to no impulse control. and while you're at it, maybe tips on how to motivate myself for exercise. i'm trying to build up my arms but uh, my depression = no will to do anything all day.

[Rant/Rave] How long does binging set you back by?
Created: Thu Nov 8 12:02:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vcu93/how_long_does_binging_set_you_back_by/
Ugh I was doing really well and tomorrow is weigh in day but I just binged super badly. I’ve had 3tsp of peanut butter, a load of choc shot (14cals/tsp), 6 portions of nuts and two slices of white bread.
I feel so guilty as I’m aiming for 2.75lb weight loss a week until Christmas and I was ahead of my goal but I’m really nervous to weigh in tomorrow. It makes all the food hiding and fasting seem useless.
I had a bm thankfully, so maybe tomorrow won’t be as bad as I’m expecting? I’m just super worried to weigh in tomorrow, and wondering if I’ll have gained loads from this.
Sorry this is sort of a ramble but I’d love some advice? Thinking of fasting tomorrow to make up for it.

So, my dad wanted to talk this morning...
/u/RDSregret [5'4 | 105 | 18 | -51 lbs | 18F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 12:02:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vctyw/so_my_dad_wanted_to_talk_this_morning/

[Rant/Rave] Another girl’s ed made me cry???
/u/wiggimal [5'6 | 128 | 21.0 | -57 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 12:00:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vcte2/another_girls_ed_made_me_cry/
So there’s this girl I see twice a week walking the halls in one particular building that I have classes in. I first noticed her because she’s wiiiiicked tiny and I was extremely jealous. She always wears jeans and a big jacket but her legs are like the size of my wrists. She might not but I really really suspect she has an ed.

Well today I was sitting in said building waiting for class to start and I saw her. Normally she doesn’t look happy but today she looked really off. I looked at her face and she looked like she was really struggling with something. Instead of her normal outfit she was wearing giant sweatpants and a giant sweater under her jacket. All the sudden I feel tears coming to my eyes. I ran to the bathroom and just started sobbing over how bad I felt for her. Normally I can’t sympathize with people who I feel jealous of but I just wanted to help her so badly.

I don’t want to approach her and call her out on it and try to help because I could be wrong and it would just be so intrusive but goddamn this girl is breaking my heart.

this Thanksgiving, the goal isnt to have a flat stomach...
/u/skinnybitchqueen [5'1"| 110 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 11:54:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vcrk6/this_thanksgiving_the_goal_isnt_to_have_a_flat/
...the goal is to be able to eat a full plate at dinner and *still* have a flat stomach.

im about 20 pounds away and i've got exactly 2 weeks.

Ate 3000 calories
/u/EDpression_ [5'5'' |22.9|CW: 136 | LW: 130 |HW: 160|GW: 110| -6 lbs| mid20s F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 11:47:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vcpgk/ate_3000_calories/
God I just ate 3000 calories, ate 2000+ for the last 2 days as well and i feel like absolutr shit. Honestly, anxiety attack almost, I feel terrrible and like i've ruined everything. Just wanted to trll someone. I eant to cry. Why am i so fat. I'll never lose weight. I've only lost like 3 lbs these last few weeks. I hate this

At least I have you guys <3 so grateful for this subreddit. You guys get it.

God I hate myself

Failing at school as well. Why am I so useless. I'll never get a girlfriend

haha sorry, jeez i'm whiney

[Other] Drawer of shame. This was a single 3 hour binge, two weeks ago. I should throw out to hide from my husband but I like to look at it. Smell the wrappers and then poke my fat stomach and remind myself of what a monster I am. He never looks in the TV stand but I still feel conflicted about keeping it!
Created: Thu Nov 8 11:44:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vco9o/drawer_of_shame_this_was_a_single_3_hour_binge/

My doctor told me to gain weight
Created: Thu Nov 8 11:40:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vcn7n/my_doctor_told_me_to_gain_weight/
...and now I can’t stop bingeing.
I’m 5’6 and 110 lbs, she wants me to be 120 when I see her again in three months. I kept telling myself “oh god no” I’m not gaining ten fucking pounds. But now it’s like in my head I think that it’s okay for me to eat and then I justify these ugly binges.
I haven’t been able to fast for a single day since I went to the doctor, what gives?!
Did anybody not gain weight after their doctor told them to? What happened?

[Discussion] Has anyone heard of or tried Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing therapy?
/u/damnitjanet6 [5"5'| BMI 24.8 | -50lbs| 🍑 damnitjanet6 | 20F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 11:31:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vckfo/has_anyone_heard_of_or_tried_eye_movement/
I've never heard of this before but I got pointed towards it in my councelling session today and have been told it might help me with processing the root of my eating issues (everyone seems to think my issues stem from needing to have control over everything following a sexual assault when I was younger). from my limited understanding, I think it's meant to help the brain process traumatic memories and help them to be removed from the forefront of the mind. From what I know it involves using flashing lights in your eyes and repetitive sounds as you talk through trauma and this helps the brain to "file it away"? I just wondered if anyone had heard about it before or tried it in relation to their eating disorder?

If anyone has any experience with it, or knows any more than I do, I would really appreciate any information!

[Rant/Rave] Yet another "Boyfriend Appreciation Post" - this gesture made me almost start crying at work.
/u/HyperlyssED [5'6" | CW: 144 | HW: 215 | GW: 120 | 25F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 11:10:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vcdg6/yet_another_boyfriend_appreciation_post_this/

[Discussion] Anyone else here in absolute love with 90-99% cacao dark chocolate?
Created: Thu Nov 8 11:08:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vccwr/anyone_else_here_in_absolute_love_with_9099_cacao/
Cals are still kind of high - 60 cal for 10 g, but there’s like no sugar and no carbs in it and honestly it just tastes decadent now. No binges for me when I’ve got it around!

[Rant/Rave] I got back down to my high school weight, and I'm tired and sad and have mixed feelings (TW: discussion of weight, sexual assault)
/u/aliennation1137 [5'6" | CW: 105 | BMI: 17.0 | GW: 100 | 22M]
Created: Thu Nov 8 11:07:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vccih/i_got_back_down_to_my_high_school_weight_and_im/
Long post - sorry.

For most of the last three years, I've mostly been bulimic or binged or binge/restrict cycled, but lately I have somehow gotten back to restricting, like the original iteration of my ED when I was in late high school/early college. This will kind of come into play later in the post.

So this morning I went to the gym; I weighed myself, clothed and probably slightly dehydrated, and apparently I'm making "progress" more quickly than I expected. Rational \[aliennation1137\] is frightened because that rate of weight loss is not healthy and probably not safe, but disordered \[aliennation1137\] is annoyed that it's still not "fast enough" and I still don't look "sick enough" for my dumbass competitive brain.

While I was walking from the gym to class afterward, I realized that my weight today is the same as it was when I was 17. My ED feels vindicated and smug about it, but I just feel tired and sad because my realization about my weight reminded me how much I've let myself down since I was 17. My life wasn't perfect then, but I was hopeful and naive and I was basically fucking functional, and I think I just feel so sorry for my younger self for everything he's going to go through in the next five years. Like... sorry, kiddo, but you're only going to become more erratic and emotionally unstable, you will treat yourself like shit, you will lose basically all of your trust in other people.

It isn't so much the specific age-number 17 that makes me so sad, as much as it is the reminder of the "old me" and who I used to be. When I was 19 and I'd just gotten out of treatment for the first time, I was lonely and made a dumb choice in men and I was date raped. Prior to that my ED was mostly restrictive, but after that I switched to more bingeing and bulimia, and in general my brain kind of fucking snapped and I lost so much of my hope, pride, and self-worth that it's been hard for me to have any self-respect or make anything in my life go right since then. Now that I'm back to a weight that was characteristic of younger-me, of course I'm thinking about the me that hadn't gone through that, and I just feel exhausted and I want to cry because hey, same weight, but infinitely more fucked-up person. I'm disgusted with myself and who I've been for the past three years, I feel cheated out of my young adulthood, and I wish I could even be semi-functional again.

[Help] Miserable and want to recover but I feel too fat (EDNOS)
/u/fgsn [4'11 | CW: 112.4 | GW: 80 | F23 | High Restriction]
Created: Thu Nov 8 11:06:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vcc2a/miserable_and_want_to_recover_but_i_feel_too_fat/
Hey everyone.

I have been cycling through binging and restricting for 8 YEARS now. I am so sick of it. I'm miserable when I restrict and miserable when I binge. I've lost and gained the same 20lbs more times than I care to admit.

Lately I've been working a lot on my anxiety and depression and I know that I use my ED as a distraction. I don't have a place in my life for my ED anymore. As much as I want to hold on to what has been my main coping mechanism for years, I know I need to let go if I really want to tackle my anxiety.

That being said, I feel wayyyy too huge to recover. I'm not at an unhealthy weight by any means (current BMI is around 22 or 23ish) but I'm not happy with how I look. Its been so bad lately that I've been avoiding showering because I can't stand to look at myself. How can I possibly recover when I'm still so unhappy with how I look? 

Any advice, anecdotes, words of support, ANYTHING would be appreciated!

[Rant/Rave] Yet another "Great Partner Appreciation" post - he knows I've relapsed hard, and this gesture made me almost start crying at work
/u/HyperlyssED [5'6" | CW: 144 | HW: 215 | GW: 120 | 25F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 11:00:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vca2a/yet_another_great_partner_appreciation_post_he/

[Discussion] what are your favorite flavors of halotop?
Created: Thu Nov 8 10:52:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vc7n6/what_are_your_favorite_flavors_of_halotop/
I have tried most types of halo top and I'm curious to what the ranking would be.

I've hit a plateau help is needed please!!!
Created: Thu Nov 8 10:29:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vc02l/ive_hit_a_plateau_help_is_needed_please/
Hey guys I've lost about 20 lbs in the last 6-7 weeks but the last three have been a plateau. How on earth do I get past this I am dying. I fasted for three days and lost 2 lbs but ate dinner last night. Some tofu and veggies out of a pho bowl and they came right back urg help

[Discussion] Anyone voluntarily dairy free?
Created: Thu Nov 8 10:25:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vbyqq/anyone_voluntarily_dairy_free/
So when I met Willam the other night (oops, let me pick up that name 🤣) I asked her about her weight loss and ed. She said the number one thing she did was to cut out all dairy. No exceptions. I just watched her asmr video yesterday (hilarious) and she points out that the chips her staff gave her contained dairy, then asked for a lactaid. So I believe her.

How many of you have cut out dairy? Next to carbs, it's my second worse binge food so I think making this modification would be beneficial. Of you cut it out do you become intolerant? What is lactaid for?

I am going to have a cheat meal tonight and I am not going to purge!
Created: Thu Nov 8 10:18:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vbwhk/i_am_going_to_have_a_cheat_meal_tonight_and_i_am/
Just wanted to share, lately on my days off work I always binge + purge on whatever i’m craving, but tonight I am going for a meal with friends and will probably consume like 1,500 calories BUT I am not gonna purge. I’m feeling proud.

[Rant/Rave] My friends care when I skip meals but not when others do
/u/ihate-chicken [5’7” | CW:109.5 | 17.09]
Created: Thu Nov 8 10:12:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vbuoo/my_friends_care_when_i_skip_meals_but_not_when/
Basically title explains itself. My friends get so mad and annoyed when I skip meals because they’re “concerned” about me but if any of my other female friends who are all WAYYY skinnier than me skip a meal, they don’t bat an eyelash.

I’m tired of coming up with excuses... I suck at lying and they know that I’m making shit up when I say I don’t want to eat a meal

[Rant/Rave] I just found that one the volunteers in my office got hospitalized for anorexia
/u/onetoomanyseltzer [5'4" | HW: 210 CW: 127 GW: 110 | -87lbs | F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 09:58:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vbq1v/i_just_found_that_one_the_volunteers_in_my_office/
I work in a non profit and we have a lot of community members who come in and do stuff around the office. One of them is this tiny old lady who always brings baked goods for the community. I would have guessed that she’s in her 60s, and she’s so very incredibly small. The tiniest woman I’ve ever met in my life. She has very thin hair, dull skin, and legs that are actually smaller than my forearms. I always thought she was frail but it never occurred to me that she might be struggling with ED because in my head old people don’t struggle with it. Oh ignorance.

This morning I received a phone call from her saying her kidneys are shutting down and she needs to be admitted to an eating disorder facility so she won’t be coming in anymore. I found out that she’s actually only 40, and used to be a very successful doctor who couldn’t keep up with her career because of anorexia. Upon the failure of her marriage she moved back in with her mother, and has to rely on her 70 year old dad for basic needs.

Anorexia ruined this woman’s hard earned career, marriage, body, and life. It hurts to realize that might be me if I don’t get better. I don’t know how to get better. I’m so sad and scared.

[Other] Wearing tight clothing to remind me how fat I am?
/u/staticphat [Height: 5'3 | CW: Jabba the Hutt | GW: Bikini Leia]
Created: Thu Nov 8 09:53:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vbob0/wearing_tight_clothing_to_remind_me_how_fat_i_am/
Sometimes I wear clothes that are kinda tight or wear my belt really tight (not out, but sometimes I wear these clothes under looser clothes) to remind myself how fat I am and that I really need to lose weight. DAE do this?!

My Sodium Intake: A Horror Story
/u/RosenWeiss9 [5'3.5 | CW 108.4 | GW 103.5 | F26]
Created: Thu Nov 8 09:52:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vbo16/my_sodium_intake_a_horror_story/
Guys I need help. I had a maintenance day yesterday (lol) and apparently I ate almost 5000 FUCKING MGS OF SODIUM WTF

I realized ALL. MY. SAFE. FOODS. are super sodium loaded. Like yeah I know fruits and veggies but things like low cal wraps, a lot of protein bars, vegan deli slices, rice cakes, salsa, you name it...

I need new safe food ideas (including breads and packaged products) that won't blow my sodium out of the water... Please help...

a concerned sea whale

TIFU by having slimmer fingers
Created: Thu Nov 8 09:52:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vbnwx/tifu_by_having_slimmer_fingers/
The story took place two weeks ago but first here is a little background. Sooo as much as I love having slimmer fingers, wrists, anything from losing weight, one problem I’ve developed is that two rings I always wear have started to fall off easily. They will just fly off my finger if I am not careful with bending my fingers enough. Both of these rings are very sentimental to me. One is my wedding ring- super cheap and not fancy but sentimental for obvious reasons. The other is a gold ring on my pinky given to me by my grandparents when I was a child, something I considered the most cherished and valued physical item I own. I’ve worn it since childhood; since then my grandfather has passed, and my grandmother has developed bad dementia. She has a matching gold pinky ring that she often brings up, even though she can’t remember what year it is or her some of her grandkids’ names. So you can probably see where this fuck up is going...

This past week I was traveling and last night I was out at a club. Not my usual scene but it started out fun. As I was walking down some stairs, my gold pinky ring fell off my finger and down the stairs. There was a crowd of people at the bottom and I started shining a light on the floor, asking people if they could see it, even got on the ground looking for a while. I tried looking under the stairs but there was no way to reach under them except for between the stairs, so I was down there reaching my arm through the stairs feeling around a pile of nastiness to try and feel if it was there. 2 of my friends even helped me look around and under the stairs. Eventually we stopped looking and I’ve accepted that it’s gone. This was last night, and today I had to fly back home. I called the club to ask if they had found a gold ring and they said no.

As much as I like having this physical confirmation that my fingers are slimmer, this makes me pretty freaking sad.

TLDR; My fingers got skinnier, but a ring with a lot of sentimental value fell off my finger and is now lost forever.

[Rant/Rave] Going into a rage about irrational things
/u/blackberryhoney [5'7.5" | 138.4 | 21.4 | -1.6 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 09:41:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vbknc/going_into_a_rage_about_irrational_things/
I literally just nearly screamed at my husband today because I went to pack myself a salad this morning and noticed all the croutons were gone.

He literally eats things straight out of the bag that are not meant to be snacked on. That and oyster crackers for soup too. Like, wtf.

In my head this is the only bread/carb that I allow myself to have and it’s just so unimportant realistically but that small detail is what helps me restrict lower is not fully depriving myself in those ways.

I had to literally take a step back and breathe and use all my energy not to get mad.

I shouldn’t even eat them anyway because I’m literally the closest to my hw than I have been in four years.


Raynaud Disease
/u/bmalaur [5'4" | 24F | HW: 127 | CW: 103 | LW: 85]
Created: Thu Nov 8 09:37:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vbj8l/raynaud_disease/
Out of curiosity, does anyone else here have Raynaud's?


[Discussion] DAE set a timeframe to finish a food?
/u/2worried2care [5'6" | CW 115 lb| BMI 18.6 | 26F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 09:35:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vbinv/dae_set_a_timeframe_to_finish_a_food/
I know I’m not the only person who does this but I’ve noticed that this rule has been increasing for me over the past few weeks. In an effort to be more mindful while I’m eating and decrease binge urges, I force myself to drag out my meals/snacks. I’m currently eating a yogurt and wouldn’t let myself finish it until after 11:30am, meaning that it’s taking me over half an hour to eat a 5 oz yogurt. If I finish the food before my designated time, it pushes the next time I can eat to later (I try to eat meals at least 4 hours apart).

Does anyone else do this or find it helpful? Any other weird food rules that probably don’t actually make sense but you follow anyway?

[Rant/Rave] It’s childish but mad at myself for forgot my fitbit and I’m thinking about it more than I’d like
Created: Thu Nov 8 09:30:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vbh24/its_childish_but_mad_at_myself_for_forgot_my/
It just feels weird being without it. I only realized it when I was logging in my b/f on the app. I’m an adult and literally at my office job and obsessing over it. Thinking things like; “I’ll make up for the loss of steps at the gym.”

The dumb thing is really apart of my everyday life. Like I have an alarm on my phone to remind me to do the 250+ steps 5 times a day every hour. This little ritual is apart of the app. It just gives me structure and I realize how much I actually want control because usually I’m like “pffffft control” idk it’s bothersome when I’m reminded that my obsession is abnormal

/u/-fauna [5'5 | CW/LW: 101.6| 17.0 | UGW: Maintain 95-99 ♥ | 21F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 09:28:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vbgat/finally_at_a_new_lw_after_4_months_of_hellish/

...but now im too scared to actually consume ANYTHING (even water???) and i was supposed to go to out to this really nice ramen restaurant tonight that i was looking forward to for WEEKS and i dont know what to do 🙃

[Discussion] Waist Training
/u/klfet [5’9” | 147.0| 21.7 | 🥀| F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 09:22:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vbedk/waist_training/
Has anyone ever used a waist training to aid in their weight loss or slimming down of the mid section? I was considering purchasing one to wear throughout my day and at the gym during my cardio.


[Rant/Rave] I’ve lost 40lb...
Created: Thu Nov 8 09:19:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vbdk4/ive_lost_40lb/
So why can’t I be **proud** and **happy** about that???? My s/o is very proud (note: I started with a higher BMI and currently have a super average medium af body so he isn’t rooting for a skeleton he’s just seeing me as a healthier girl) and wants me to post about the transformation so our friends and family can see as well.

I however, just see my stomach protruding, my waist being too wide and my legs not toned enough. I don’t care how far I’ve come, and at the same time it’s all I think about- next to losing even more. I can see the difference, I’m just still not where I want to be so don’t really feel okay to brag about it. I sliced a before and after comparison together, but seeing the before photo like that made me want to cry. Then I actually cried in the bathroom a bit later, it hit me hard. How could I let myself ever get so disgusting? I would never want my friends and family to be reminded of how big I was before, I’m absolutely mortified and even a little triggered by the thought. It’s also strange that I’ve never viewed anyone of equal or higher weight this way, it’s definitely just my own bullshit.

I tell my s/o that I still want to lose a little here and there and will post a before and after when I’m finally ready to maintain. That’s probably a lie, who knows.

Thank you guys for existing.

[Tip] @ smoothie king, ordering w/ splenda basically cuts your calories in half
Created: Thu Nov 8 09:12:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vbbkm/smoothie_king_ordering_w_splenda_basically_cuts/

[Discussion] 3 songs that remind you of your eating disorder and the lyrics that speak to you most
Created: Thu Nov 8 08:59:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vb75o/3_songs_that_remind_you_of_your_eating_disorder/
I love music, I listen to it every day. Especially when I work out.
Some of the songs I listen to remind me of my ed even if they aren’t exactly ED songs:

Mother Mother- Body: “‘cause I’ve grown tired of this body. Cumbersome and heavy body.”

Ezra Furman- Body was made: “My body was made with this attribute too: The need to become something new. Mysterious process that don’t involve you.”

The Mountain Goats- How to Embrace a Swamp Creature: “Condemned to walk the soil amongst all creatures wild and tame. Go where I go, do what I must. Crawl, starving, on my belly, licking up the dry dust.” “..........But I’m out of my element. I can’t breathe.”

I’ve seen people associate the mother mother song with their ed lol. It’s hard not to.
Ezra’s song gets me going when I’m on the treadmill and I’ve loved the mountain goats for years and most of their music is poetic in general and how to embrace a swamp creature reminds me of being disordered in public.

I’m really curious about your songs, I have a friend who listed “When I grow up” by the Pussycat Dolls!

[Discussion] I’ve never felt motivation like this before (vent)
Created: Thu Nov 8 08:46:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vb347/ive_never_felt_motivation_like_this_before_vent/
Hello, it’s my first time posting in here. I just feel the need to share.

I have a .... romantic friend? Crush? Who I won’t be able to see for 2-3 weeks. At my current rate of weight loss I’m losing about a lb a day. When it occurred to me that I could be 10+ lbs lighter the next time I see them I was hit with euphoria. I have had things to fast for before, but nothing, not even a photo shoot has motivated me like this. I can’t wait for them to see and feel how slim I’ll be. Restricting is so easy all of a sudden. I feel at peace. I feel so good.

Thank you for reading, I feel like only you all could relate .........

[Discussion] What’s the best low-cal ice cream?
Created: Thu Nov 8 08:42:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vb227/whats_the_best_lowcal_ice_cream/
I’ve tried halo top and Arctic Zero but what seems to be the community favorite? (Also if you have flavor suggestions I’d love to hear them.)

The universe told me not to eat today.
/u/hypermagical20 [5'5" | 133 | GW1: 130 | GW2: 122 | UGW: 115]
Created: Thu Nov 8 08:34:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vazli/the_universe_told_me_not_to_eat_today/
My partner hid a bag of the world's most delicious low cal corn chips somewhere in our house so I wouldn't eat them (it's mostly a joke, we're both addicted to them and that's the only way they'll last more than a day). I was looking for them this morning mostly to prove I could find them but also realistically to probably crush the whole bag. I was looking in the closet and a coat fell, so I jerked my arm back and hit my elbow so hard on the doorframe that I immediately got nauseous and almost passed out. Now more than half an hour later it's swollen and painful af and I still feel sick and I don't want to eat anything now. So. Touche universe, I get it.

[Rant/Rave] Being hung over sucks.
Created: Thu Nov 8 08:25:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vawkn/being_hung_over_sucks/
I've been really cutting back on drinking but last night I went to a concert with friends and I think went a little too wild. (Also didn't eat much that day)

I'm sitting on the couch feeling mildly questionable, my stomach halfway between vomity and starving. All I want is greasy fix me food but that's not happening folks.

I know that making myself puke and taking a shower would probably fix me up but my landlord is coming by at some random point today so I kinda got to pretend to be functional.

[Discussion] Scale issue? +Other questions for discussion lol
/u/crashbandiclit [23F | 5’4” | CW: 🍔 | GW: 110lbs]
Created: Thu Nov 8 08:14:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vatgs/scale_issue_other_questions_for_discussion_lol/
So I weigh weekly, and I have a roommate who’s always in the bathroom in the mornings when I need to weigh, so I keep my scale in my room and do it there. My whole room is carpet except for a small flat area where there used to be a fireplace, and I use that to weigh. For the longest time my scale was saying “3.4 lbs” on it just from me putting it there, so I figured that even though that spot is flat, it’s not level (and this was confirmed when I weighed in the kitchen immediately after this once and it was right at 0.0 lbs and gave me an accurate weight), so there’s a 3.4 pound weight I have to add to my weekly weight.

Anyway, I weighed today and then added my 3.4 pounds (my scale said 3.4 at first but then 0.0 so I added it in anyway), and according to that I’d only lost a little over 2 pounds this week. I was thinking to myself, I see the weight I’ve lost, I FEEL the weight I’ve lost, there is no way I’ve only lost 2 pounds this week. So I took my scale to the kitchen, and the weight was the same there as the original weight in my room before I added the 3.4, and I lost 6 pounds this week! That’s more like it 😂 thank god 😪

My question with this is has anyone had a scale that puts on like....ghost pounds? And you have to add or subtract a certain number when you weigh? Or is this just my scale and should I get a new one lol? I think really what I was supposed to have done a while back when it kept saying 3.4 is SUBTRACTED that from my weight, but I added it and always thought I was bigger, but either way, every now and then it does that, and other times it levels at 0. I don’t know if I should trust the scale or not lol 😭

But in other news, on the topic of feeling the weight I’ve lost, does anyone else have a specific part of their body they can REALLY feel weight loss in?? Like if I feel like I’m not making progress I grope the top of my thighs under my butt and they’re much, much smaller by the day 😂 as well as now needing a belt to hold my pants up, and that belt going a hole tighter every couple of days! I’m still waiting for my watch to be able to go tighter, there’s something so satisfying about dainty wrists lmao. But yeah, I’ve learned the first and fastest place I lose weight is my thighs and stomach. I’m not mad at all 🥰

TL;DR: Is it normal or common to have a scale that isn’t accurate/should I get a new one or just adjust my numbers accordingly? What do you do if this is something that happens with your scale? And do you have a favorite meaty and a favorite bony part you like to check for weight loss to feel satisfied? 😂

Ugh. Going out of town for the weekend and I know it's going to be a shitshow.
/u/Flesh-And-Bone [Too Short | Too Fat | Too Old | Duderino]
Created: Thu Nov 8 07:59:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vaovl/ugh_going_out_of_town_for_the_weekend_and_i_know/
I will pick healthier restaurant options (a salad, please, not a pizza) that are vegetable-heavy, but I'm still going to end up way over my calories. My boyfriend is already badgering me about my eating (YOU CAN'T FAST ALL DAY, YOU WON'T HAVE ANY ENERGY) and I just want to die. I've put on a few pounds recently (deliberately, actually), but I'm now trying to down my weight in preparation for Thanksgiving and Christmas...so...fuck everything I guess.

[Discussion] trying out some ‘refeeding’ after a couple months of <500cal daily, baffles me that 450cal is reasonable for a sandwich to healthy people??
Created: Thu Nov 8 07:51:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vambt/trying_out_some_refeeding_after_a_couple_months/

[Other] My significant other try to suggest that I take away my scale yesterday [other]
/u/Alexithymia115 [5'3" | SW:120 CW:117| 20.5|GW:115|UGW:110 | 23F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 07:35:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vahvx/my_significant_other_try_to_suggest_that_i_take/
So yesterday I was crying because I gained like 2 lb and what I know is water weight but it's still frustrating. So I was crying with my head on my so's lap and then he hits me with have you thought about giving your scale away to someone....... It's a goddamn miracle I didn't let the EDmonster lash out. I just kept repeating no until he stopped asking. And then I. Explained the level of anxiety it would give me NOT TO KNOW MY WEIGHT. which would put me right back where I was before. Not knowing if I'm fat or skinny because I can't always trust my eyes or my body to tell me the truth.

Well uh +1 for communication? -2 for insanity?

ED in full swing after midterms.
Created: Thu Nov 8 07:26:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vafbb/ed_in_full_swing_after_midterms/
Last night I ate a bunch of shrimp knowing that they were funky. Just to be certain that my stomach would be torn up, I ate half a pint of Halo Top too. I was stomach sick all night and didn't have to go to dinner, trivia, house activities, or study all night. I've been doing some c/s to get through mountains of school work, but using food to physically punish myself and avoid stress is the nail in the coffin.

P.S. I meant school midterms, not the midterm elections (although that rigamarole sure didn't help).

Fleece leggings?
Created: Thu Nov 8 07:24:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9vaehw/fleece_leggings/
Does anyone have a recommendation for fleece leggings? I've been searching online but it seems like everything has bad reviews. I'm so cold! Please help!

Talking to daughters about weight
Created: Thu Nov 8 07:07:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9va9t7/talking_to_daughters_about_weight/
So I've read that there are many, many WRONG ways for moms to talk to their kids (especially daughters) about weight. Are there any right ways? I need some advice.

I have a 10 yo daughter who is overweight and definitely food-focused. She's also the artistic type who'd rather sit down with her guitar or a craft or a sketch pad than do anything physical. She has a very healthy diet (fruits and veg, zero dairy, very little junk food) but her portions could definitely use some work.

I never, EVER bring up her weight. She rides her bicycle everywhere and her legs are super strong. She runs track in the fall-spring season and swims all summer. She has diagnosed digestive and thyroid conditions which keep the pounds on. But, being real, her favorite food is "more". She and I definitely have that in common.

She came to me last week and said she was fat, and she doesn't want to be fat, and she wants to lose weight. We talked about smaller portions and healthy snacks and going for a run on Saturday mornings instead of going on YouTube. I told her I'd love her no matter her size, that healthy is better than skinny, and that she's beautiful.

What else do I say? What else do I do? I do not want to give this sweet, sensitive little artist a complex about food. I don't want her to inherit my BED/bulimia behaviors and I definitely don't want to see her lose a lot of weight at the expense of her physical and mental health.

WHAT DO I SAY????? Help me, fellow ED folks!!!!! My other kids are skinny boys who have to be cajoled to eat.

[Rant/Rave] Am I actually losing weight orrrr are my jeans just continuously being stretched out by my fat ass?
Created: Thu Nov 8 06:48:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9va465/am_i_actually_losing_weight_orrrr_are_my_jeans/
Who knows??? Shit like this makes me want to get a scale again. This has been a rant post.

those that were "recovered", what brought you back?
/u/rheartilly [🍑m00n_presence | 154cm| -23lb, -10.5kg]
Created: Thu Nov 8 06:45:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9va3cn/those_that_were_recovered_what_brought_you_back/
i was just having flashbacks to what sparked my on-and-off again ED and wanted to hear what kind of stories y'all had. mine is kinda dumb but i'll share it anyways...

besides my mom bullying me about my weight near daily for years, back in the beginning of my relationship, i was super insecure (still am!! hAhahA) and i kept catching my bf with porn. and like logically, yeah..i know everyone looks at porn but OMG every. single. time. i saw what he was watching it was always titled something like "skinny teen blonde" or it was just a skinny white girl in general and OH BOY did that fuck me up. i remember he knew i was upset about it and he tried to look up "thick asian" and for some reason that really hurt my feelings LOL

that was nearly ten years ago and i randomly remember that and get in my feelings. but since then i've been up and down 50+ lbs and i just think im stuck in this hell FOREVER thanks to binge eating :))))

anyways please share your stories because i'm sad today and i dont want to feel so alone x

[Discussion] In what ways are you unstereotypical in your ED?
Created: Thu Nov 8 06:30:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v9zkv/in_what_ways_are_you_unstereotypical_in_your_ed/
Mine's kinda silly in that I don't like monster or diet coke.

[Rant/Rave] I might not be able to reconcile with the man I love... (got some bad news today)
/u/Annewellmorrel [18F|SW100kg|CW78.7kg|UGW50kg|5’6]
Created: Thu Nov 8 06:22:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v9xkk/i_might_not_be_able_to_reconcile_with_the_man_i/
but that is NOT a reason to eat below 700 calories today. I am NOT going to restrict as a response to my sadness - that’s even worse than binging in response to it! I’m gonna eat maintenance today.

I made a mistake but I knew very little then. I can forgive myself for this someday. Probably not today though.

[Rant/Rave] Goodbye ED!
/u/sellie41434 [5'1" | CW: 132| BMI 24.9 | CGW: 120 | 16F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 06:22:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v9xfy/goodbye_ed/
Y'all, I've been vegan for 8 days now and omg!! I think it's gotten rid of my ED! I'm working hard to head three normal sized healthy meals a day and I haven't binged since Halloween! I'm loosing weight in a normal healthy way too! I can't tell anyone else in my life about this bc obviously nobody knew about my ED, but omg I'm so proud of myself! Aaa!! I'm really tempted to go back to restricting but I will resist that temptation and be healthy!! Lowkey I miss my ED, which is kinda worrying, but I'm just gonna ignore that and focus on recovering! I hope y'all are having a good day today, remember to stay hydrated and take your vitamins! 💖💖💖

I’m almost back where I started, thank goodness
Created: Thu Nov 8 06:00:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v9rxb/im_almost_back_where_i_started_thank_goodness/
I got down to 119, and ended up at 130 (right at overweight for me). I was at 123, then 125, so I thought I was going to keep gaining again.

Today I’m at 122.2. My original GW was 115, so I didn’t get discouraged if I didn’t get there as quick as I wanted. So glad I’m back where I was. I can’t wait until this stomach fat goes away.

[Goal] One week binge free!!!
Created: Thu Nov 8 05:55:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v9qn4/one_week_binge_free/
Ugh, you guys!! It feels great. :o) Cravings are SOOO hard to beat, especially me being on pms and at the time of the month, but even just a week with no binge I feel so in control and free. 💖 It’s made my weight loss so much faster and that’s what’s stopping me from even wanting to binge. I couldn’t imagine doing it at this point lmao I’m so happy.

Being a trans man is a special kind of hell.
Created: Thu Nov 8 05:48:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v9oy7/being_a_trans_man_is_a_special_kind_of_hell/
Good morning everyone, it’s 4:30 AM over here and that means it’s time for earth-shattering revelations about all the Freudian bullshit that goes on in my head.

Like the title implies, I’m trans. But I’m also only ‘out’ to a couple of people, so I still present as female 24/7. Since the world only sees me as female, I always feel pressured to conform to feminine beauty standards. I can’t stop thinking about how when my mother was my age, she was 5’8” and her waist was 21 inches. But to get myself to that point, I have to starve until I can count my ribs and my breasts and butt are practically concave. And no matter how thin I am, my face is always round with baby fat.

And then on the other hand, why do I care about having an hourglass figure? I don’t even want to be a girl! I don’t want to be thin and delicate, I want to be tall and strong. But I’m not. I’m 5’3” and 112 pounds. But I can never bring myself to eat or work out because the years of societal conditioning have left me so scared to be anything but thin and pretty.

I am so sick of being stuck in the middle and not even knowing what I want. No matter what I do, it’s not the right answer.

Sorry if it was all kind of jumbled, but thank you to anyone who’s read this far. I’ve been struggling to put into words why it makes me so upset, but I guess I just didn’t want to admit that I might struggle with disordered eating.

[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support November 08, 2018
Created: Thu Nov 8 05:09:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v9g6a/weekly_emotional_support_november_08_2018/
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**


Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! November 08, 2018
Created: Thu Nov 8 05:09:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v9g2r/daily_food_diary_november_08_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for November 08, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Discussion] Does anyone else not trust their stats/measurements/etc?
/u/hollyy___ [5’08” | 125lbs | 19.01 | -30lbs | GW: 117lbs | 17F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 05:08:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v9fu2/does_anyone_else_not_trust_their/
So I whooshed today and I’m officially in the 8st range! Big relief because as you can tell from my last post I don’t usually do the whole plateau/whoosh thing I’m usually a consistent loser (lol) so I was really scared that I’d hit a wall.

Anyways, usually every time I’ve lost a few lbs and I’m home alone I’ll take some measurements, especially on my waist. This morning I did this after seeing that I whooshed and my waist was 25.5”????

Obviously normally I’d be thrilled but instead it just made me paranoid. I know what a 25” waist looks like and it is absolutely not mine lol. And at my height I shouldn’t be hitting a measurement like that until I’m, like, below the 120s. It would make sense if I was storing the weight somewhere else but I have no muscle mass, narrow af hips (apparently god decided I don’t need a pelvis lol) and I do have kind of a big rib cage but I have tiny boobs so it balances out lmao. So now I just feel like there’s something wrong with the tape and I can’t really trust measurements anymore.

I get the same thing with my weight too. Like, really? I’m close to underweight and I look like this?

Does anyone else feel like this?

I confessed to my fiance that I started purging recently it went better than expected.i don't know how I would get thru this mess without him
Created: Thu Nov 8 05:07:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v9fsi/i_confessed_to_my_fiance_that_i_started_purging/

[Other] Whaaat???
Created: Thu Nov 8 04:59:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v9dt9/whaaat/
I had an apple and two medium sized carrots for lunch at work. Ate it kinda slowly. I feel sooo full!! It's nice. I'm just surprised.

Sorry. Just wanted to share with people who will understand.

[Help] Leg cramp
Created: Thu Nov 8 04:23:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v96nm/leg_cramp/
So last night I woke up to a lot of pain in my calf muscle.

It was definitely a cramp and it hurt like crazy and took a while to go away. It still hurt after so I massaged it a bit.

But like WTF??? I've never experienced a cramp before, why did that happen out of the blue? :(

Has this happened to anyone else?

[Rant/Rave] Boyfriend keeps telling me I'm tiny
Created: Thu Nov 8 03:55:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v914b/boyfriend_keeps_telling_me_im_tiny/
And even though I know it's not true I fucking love it. For reference, there's a big height difference between us and I'm around 6 inches taller than him. So i know I'll never really be tiny, or even small, to him. And I know that he knows "you're so tiny" is exactly what I want to hear. But god, it gives me such a happy rush when he says it anyway. And it spurs me on. Because imagine how much smaller I could be when I'm thin. God. I just want to be the size of a little fairy

[Help] Max calories per day ?
Created: Thu Nov 8 03:51:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v90hm/max_calories_per_day/
Hi, I just wanted to know how many calories do you eat per day, because I read a post of a girl saying she reached 500kcal which I suppose it's her maximum, I used to eat the same amount but I was wondering if I should maybe upgrade it to 800 since the restriction has got me binge eating a lot lately... any advice?

[Rant/Rave] Nurse making unecessary comments
/u/aparine [172 cm | 53,7 kg | 18,15 | F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 03:29:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v8wdg/nurse_making_unecessary_comments/
The nurse who does my weigh-ins always manages to say smth like "you're so tiny" or "oh how thin" (when checking my pulse on my wrist)... like you're not helping.....

What do you do for a living?
Created: Thu Nov 8 03:05:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v8s1e/what_do_you_do_for_a_living/
I work in the art department of a print shop. How about you guys? What do you like/not like about it?

Don't ya hate
Created: Thu Nov 8 02:46:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v8oxc/dont_ya_hate/
A mid purge interruption. Like seriously, I had a good thing going and it was all coming up until you asked me through the door if I was ok.

I said I'm fine, I just had too much to drink. A blatant lie that you'll believe.

Why wouldn't you? You love me. And I'm just a big failure. I don't deserve love, I definitely don't love myself.

This is just a drunk rant. Sorry :(

[Help] How do I get my period back?
Created: Thu Nov 8 02:42:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v8o5g/how_do_i_get_my_period_back/
So I'm 16 and have a bmi of 17.5ish. Around 4 months ago, I lost my period. I know it's just 4 cycles, but my mum is threatening to bring me to a doctor unless if i get my period again by the end of this month.

The problem is, I've lost around 60 lbs in a year. The doctor will definitely notice since they would have records of my previous weigh-ins. I would most probably be diagnosed with anorexia and sent off for treatment. Currently, I am neither in the right state of mind nor the right frame of time in my life for treatment.

Is there any way to regain my period without gaining a massive amount of weight? I've actually managed to gain 6 lbs because I ended up binging when I attempted "recovery" by ""intuitive eating"" :-( Is this enough weight to get my period back?

[Help] What constitutes a fast in your opinion?
Created: Thu Nov 8 02:33:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v8mgl/what_constitutes_a_fast_in_your_opinion/
Is it no consuming any food or drink, is water okay, is coffee okay? What about milk or other drinks that have calories? Are there any foods that are allowed?

[Rant/Rave] I got extremely sick in school and got fed fcken bread then my mom just destroyed my feelings because she got mad at me for being sick
Created: Thu Nov 8 01:56:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v8g6p/i_got_extremely_sick_in_school_and_got_fed_fcken/
So i have extremely high blood pressure and i take medicine for it but there was no more left and because of my anxiety i didnt want to go to the doctors office to get prescripted again. (Its because we were talking about mental health and my drug abuse previously and i just didnt want to be asked again about that you know).

So i havent been taking my medicine for a week or so and this morning in my first class i started freezing and i couldnt stop shaking but it was like really crazy and uncomfortable (PLUS yesterday i had a panic attack and i was scared that it will happen again). So i got out of the class and got my blood pressure checked and they legit wanted to call an ambulance on me. Im over 18 so i told them to please just call my mom or im going home alone rather than get put into the hospital. Waiting for my mom theteachers gave me bread with butter but i just cant care less about it after what happened

So my mom came and she was sooooo furious and started shouting at me in the car about how could i forget it, i never do anything, she has work to do and then she started saying very mean stuff like im such a little bitch and "ooooh so you have depression again?? what mental health issue do you have now??" like in a very mean disdainful way and i broke down crying and she still kept shouting and now im at home (shes at work and my stepdad is here at home with me) but i feel so ashamed i cant even go out in the living room for tissue to blow my nose in

Please tell me something nice or that im not alone i love you

[Rant/Rave] The frustration of waiting for the Whoosh
Created: Thu Nov 8 01:42:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v8dw7/the_frustration_of_waiting_for_the_whoosh/
Fucking hell, restricting every day below 1,000, usually hovering around 800. Not going to bed just hungry, but actually *nauseous* from hunger. Not even a high carb binge on Saturday did the trick. No, I'm either plateau-ing or losing like 100 grams in a day.

DAE just get super excited to step on the scale in the morning only to be super disappointed afterwards? Like, holy shit, I just want to throw that thing out of the window out of frustration!

I *know* the whoosh is waiting to happen; I'm retaining water like crazy, I'm bloated and my thighs look massive and that magical event *must* be hiding somewhere in there, but it's just so frustrating to wait for it! 😤

[Discussion] I didn’t even realise how obsessed I was with my weight until no weigh November
Created: Thu Nov 8 01:32:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v8cb8/i_didnt_even_realise_how_obsessed_i_was_with_my/
Before I started no weigh November (congrats to everyone still going strong!!!) I thought it would be so easy. I wasn’t obsessed with my weight anyway, I thought I only really cared about how my body looked.

In fact I don’t even obsess over numbers in general, as long as I know I’ve had a good day or a bad day calorie wise I don’t care much for the exact numbers.

But GOD this is so hard. I nearly cried on the bus thinking about how much I must have gained and wondering if weighing myself on someone else’s scales it counts as I won’t trust what it says anyway. It’s definitely making me restrict better. Roll on a 3 day fast I guess..

[Discussion] Costa? Starbucks?
Created: Thu Nov 8 01:13:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v88ul/costa_starbucks/
Hey just wanted to know what everyone’s go to drinks are from Costa or Starbucks?

In the pits of my ed I’ll order nothing but straight black coffee out of fear of everything else but I would love to try something new for once.

[Other] it’s my birthday
Created: Thu Nov 8 01:01:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v86q2/its_my_birthday/
this is my first post here, I’ve been a long time lurker but always too afraid to post

I promised myself I’d be at my gw for my birthday but I fucked it up. :( I feel so lonely and I’m especially reminded of it today because no one ever remembers my birthday and I don’t have many friends and it all just hurts a bit much today.

sorry for the ramble I just needed to get this off my chest

[Rant/Rave] nothing like a bug in your food
/u/vvccvv [5'5 / currently beached / f]
Created: Thu Nov 8 00:47:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v8406/nothing_like_a_bug_in_your_food/
to really kill the little appetite you had to begin with.

it was so gross and caused me to purge for the first time in 10 years bc i can’t even vomit over gross shit and i couldn’t stop thinking about a bUG in my stomach!! 😭

I feel like a failure [CW b/p and Language]
/u/vixwd [175cm | CW 82kg |GW 65kg | Lost -1.3kg | 30F]
Created: Thu Nov 8 00:40:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v82th/i_feel_like_a_failure_cw_bp_and_language/
I've been doing do well with keeping away from food, purging after binges. Not binging too hard. But this last week, I went full uggo. I ate an entire bag of candy! Like, a huge bag of like 100 pieces, and a huge sub. I also drank a sugary tea! I can't get it to come up, and I feel like I'm going to burst. I feel like I'm going to weight a bajillion Kgs now too! I'm in bed, crying, trying to sleep. Why can't I just never eat, and be pretty. I see so many pretty and cute women and I'm here with hair falling out all over and this bloated stress ball of a body...

[Rant/Rave] When you “try to eat normal” because you have a doctors appointment tomorrow
Created: Thu Nov 8 00:32:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v81d7/when_you_try_to_eat_normal_because_you_have_a/
Today started off well I didn’t eat breakfast like all the time but at work in the cafeteria they had single pizzas. Which are my absolute favorite thing they make. They do vegan veggie ones and they are really yummy and I justified it to myself in my head as “okay well I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow I should eat more normal for a day and have two meals so I can claim I’m healthy and fine.” So I had the pizza and a little side of soup cause nobody at my work gets “just” the pizza. Not even that mad about it but it did use up all of my calories for the day. Then I went home and I somehow ended up suggesting we get freakin burritos for dinner and hot chocolate. Like what the heck. I could have gotten away with not eating dinner even but I decided to eat a huge calorie loaded and ambiguous burrito and drink additional calories! God I was so mad at myself. SO I purged. But then I was hungry again and the whole “let’s try to be healthy cause doctors appointment” came back so I figured I would replace those calories and eat even more. So I ate three freaking cookies. They weren’t even small cookies they were really big. And I binged on a few other things as well because let’s face it after the first cookie I knew I would be purging. So then I purged again in the same night because I have no self control. Now my stomach is supper messed up and acidic and I’m trying to drink a bunch of water because I went in for bloodwork a week ago and was dehydrated so I figure it would be better to not be dehydrated again but purging makes you dehydrated. It’s just so dumb though. Like if I waited til after work to eat like I planned I would have just had one meal and the calories even if they were high I could have managed enough not to purge.

[Help] Can purging affect your skin?
Created: Wed Nov 7 23:27:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v7o9t/can_purging_affect_your_skin/
I had a huge b/p session yesterday and normally I don't purge but today my skin feels really flakey and dry which isn't normal.
Could it be a result of purging or more likely my body chemistry being totally fucked from:
Restricting, binging, and b/p?

[Rant/Rave] I hate food
Created: Wed Nov 7 23:25:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v7nx2/i_hate_food/
Well. Went to the store and got some groceries. I bought some lowcal ice cream because I decided I would be kind to myself since a pint could fit into my daily calorie goal. Then I went for the second pint. Big mistake. Added a protein bar onto that because "fuck it I've already ruined the day I might as well get something out of it instead of sitting with the guilt" and then this spiraled into a full on binge complete with hot dog buns + peanut butter (god damn it), more protein bars, and strawberry wafer cookies. I purged a good amount of this and popped some laxatives. I'm so mad at myself.

I can pin point the moment this all went wrong.
I had gone 6-8 months not binging once. Sure there were days I went a little over my calorie goal, but never this bad. This month of terrible binging started probably a month ago when my boyfriend urged me to eat junk food with him, because I'd been so good for so long. So sure, why not? The day after I got on track. Thought everything would be okay. Come next week and I restricted too low at work and broke down in the break room and binged like crazy. It's been a cycle of restricting and binging ever since.

I hate this so much. The worst part is that I'm not even mad about my purging I'm upset because I don't think I got all the food up and I really don't want to gain!
I hate myself so much.

[Rant/Rave] Tried to recover by doing intuitive eating
/u/tinygrl22 [5'1 | CW: 107lbs | 20.2 | 19F |]
Created: Wed Nov 7 23:07:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v7jw9/tried_to_recover_by_doing_intuitive_eating/
And I gained 10 fucking pounds I guess its time to start counting calories again and restricting

[Rant/Rave] Why can't I just use my ED as a valid excuse??
/u/linedryonly [5'5| C127 | G110 | L102 | -10]
Created: Wed Nov 7 22:39:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v7dw5/why_cant_i_just_use_my_ed_as_a_valid_excuse/
So business dinners are a thing. My work has business dinners about once a month and every time I have to come up with a new excuse for why I'm not there. I work across two departments, which both have these dinners. The dinners often overlap, so I usually say I'm going to the other one and skip both. Anyway, I overheard my boss talking about confronting the other department about always stealing me for these dinners. And I'm quietly freaking out because if they talk about this I'll be in trouble for lying to both departments. I feel horribly guilty for lying and I'm terrified they'll find out.

But here's the thing: I shouldn't HAVE to lie! My ED is a mental illness that makes it extremely difficult or impossible to take part in frequent public meals. I just don't have it in me. And yet, if I were to publicly state this as my reason for not going, I would be torn apart and get all kinds of 'caring' attention that I also can't handle. I'm so on edge about the departments communicating. I wish people could just respect my decision to not attend the dinners. I wish they didn't ask questions. I hate this and it's stressing me out so bad.

So confused on how to get a good body :(
Created: Wed Nov 7 22:35:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v7d2y/so_confused_on_how_to_get_a_good_body/
I'm in a healthy BMI range even though I'd prefer to be around the 18.0 range. However I still have a lot of excess fat. I usually restrict to about 1000-1200 kcals a day and my weight goes down but my actually body shape doesn't really change. Even at my lowest weight of 98 I still have a pudge tum and flabby thighs. I think that maybe gaining more muscle would help? However they say that the best way to lose fat is at a deficet and the best way to build muscle is at a surplus? So it's kind of contradictory. I'm not sure if I should just keep losing more weight or try to build muscle mass instead.
People also suggest body recomp but I've also heard body recomp isn't actually possible. Does anyone have any advice? 😣
This is my body now

When you gain 5lbs of fat from four days of binging :(
/u/edthrowaway125 [5'10" | 125lbs | 17.9 | 24F]
Created: Wed Nov 7 22:33:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v7cet/when_you_gain_5lbs_of_fat_from_four_days_of/
Sugary foods are such a binge trigger for me. I ate one of those protein cliff bars last Thursday and that spiralled into:

Thursday night: giant bag of chocolate covered raisins, 12 chocolate oatmeal cookies

Friday: fried chicken sandwich + potato wedges, bag of Halloween candy, snack cakes, sweet chili heat Doritos, peanut butter M&M's, honey Dijon kettle chips, box of vegan mac and cheese with bread

Saturday: fried chicken + moreeeee potato wedges, more chocolate covered raisins, cheese pretzel snacks, entire box of those sugar cookies with the overly sweet frosting from Walmart and fried banana chips

Sunday: 2 rolls of veggie sushi, even more chocolate covered raisins (lol), giant piece of carrot cake, bread + spinach dip & 2 slices of pizza

I think I got rid of all of my water weight as of this morning and I'm up 5 lbs. :( Why am I like this ugh someone please make me feel better!

[Other] literally just had the most triggering dream ever
Created: Wed Nov 7 22:32:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v7c89/literally_just_had_the_most_triggering_dream_ever/
if the title wasn't clear enough, this is a dream i had.

so in this weird dream fantasy world there's like this exclusive spa. very exclusive, and it is very expensive to buy a membership for this spa. i had been saving for years to get into this spa. when i showed up for the first time, the lady at the front desk smiled far too sweetly, and after learning it was my first time here, she offered to show me around.

as she led me through the spa, it was everything I could've dreamed of (literally, lol). petite, thin, perfect ladies getting massages. ladys with the most perfect bodies getting their nails done, getting face masks. huge, gorgeous showers that bare women would bathe in, without shame, because they knew just how perfecf they were. it was paradise.

but the lady i was following led me onwards, until we reached an ominous looking door. she smiled once again, and forced me inside. the room was dark and moldy, a stark contrast to the pristine spa outside. there were two, maybe three, old shower heards covered in mold and lime, with rusted handles. the room was full of morbidly obese men and women. they looked hideous, malformed, and far too big to actually have been real people. they looked exactly the way i'm terrified that I will end up.

when i asked to go back to the spa, the lady laughed. she said that this was the room where "people like me" belonged.


so yeah, that was my fun dream.

[Rant/Rave] If I set a caloric limit, I subconsciously feel the need to undercut it
/u/Tsuyu_irl [5'2" | cw:124lbs | gw: 105 |F22]
Created: Wed Nov 7 22:18:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v793v/if_i_set_a_caloric_limit_i_subconsciously_feel/
It started out as 1200.. then I thought if I only ate 800 I'd lose hella weight. Now i get anxious and guilty if I eat over 500-600.

Is anyone else like this? I calm myself down by saying to myself "well my body burns 1200 cals naturally I can have like 200more cals" but I can't rid myself of the guilt afterwards. Especially if it's filling and since apparently now that my body can't purge anymore???

Just had this conversation with my friend
/u/ShoopDaWhoopBurrito [4'11'' F | CW: 105 | GW: 95]
Created: Wed Nov 7 22:14:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v789j/just_had_this_conversation_with_my_friend/
After looking at Snaps from my friend of his dog.

Me: Your dog looks bigger than me.

Him: He’s about 90lbs.

When you’re so sick in the head that you’re jealous of a dog’s weight. 😢

I ate 3,000 calories today.
Created: Wed Nov 7 22:12:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v77oc/i_ate_3000_calories_today/
Couldn’t purge any of it, it was basically all bread. It was probably more than 3,000, honestly. I want to fucking die.

[Discussion] Does anyone else not count calories and just eats less food in general?
Created: Wed Nov 7 22:10:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v775l/does_anyone_else_not_count_calories_and_just_eats/
I don't like counting calories and I don't think it works all that well for me because I suck at keeping track of things.

I feel like the constant tracking makes me think of food more, which leads me to feel hungrier more often, which then turns into me binging because I can't deal with the stress of it all because I am an anxious person and that just comes with the territory.

I find simply eating less volume of food throughout the day works better personally. I really enjoy feeling empty and since I'm not tracking anything, I often forget to eat because I'm so busy with the rest of my life. I have no idea what range of calories I'm getting in each day, I just know I eat very little and that works for me. When I do eat, I usually will order take out from random places and just eat small portions of it that I spread out over a few days. I get to satisfy whatever craving I have at the moment but since I eat so little of it and have no idea how many calories are in it, I don't feel any guilt about it.

Eventually I'd like to stop eating so shitty but for now it works. Can anyone relate?

[Other] Anyone have any advice for back pain, other than painkillers etc?
Created: Wed Nov 7 22:00:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v74wk/anyone_have_any_advice_for_back_pain_other_than/
It’s much more recently that it’s been severe, but has always happened during restricting, but my back (especially the lower back) always seems to ache. I moved from where I was sitting just before, and immediately got bad pain right at the base of my spine. Is this because of all the sit-ups/crunches I’m doing? Is there a lack of cushioning due to lost weight? How do I stop it hurting so much? Any advice is appreciated!

[Discussion] That weird grey area between attraction and jealousy/resentment
/u/llanowho [5'4 | CW 167 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 7 21:52:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v73at/that_weird_grey_area_between_attraction_and/
There’s this girl in one of my night classes who is honestly so beautiful. I find myself sneaking glances at her and just being star struck. If I’m being honest, I’m thirsty as fuck. But as soon as that feeling fades jealousy comes in. She’s thin/petite and feminine and looks like the stereotypical “beautiful exotic mixed girl” whereas Im a fat, boyish, plain looking mixed girl. Looking at her is enough to make me want to fast for weeks. There’s this guy who she sits next to in class and they have obvious chemistry. On one hand I’m jealous of how he’s the one who makes her laugh and blush. But on the other I’m jealous of how she can just flip her hair and the guy is scrambling to talk to her. I just want a girl to like me as much as how the guy likes this girl but obviously that’ll never happen, so now I leave class both bitter and horny after seeing her.

has anyone else ever had similar conflicted feelings?

I’ve only eaten Halo Top for the past four days AMA
/u/elle_pitch [5’8 | CW: 126? | 18.6 | HW: 150 | 22f]
Created: Wed Nov 7 21:46:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v71y9/ive_only_eaten_halo_top_for_the_past_four_days_ama/

I never ever give diet advice.
/u/cantdecidewhatiwant [Height 5'4" | CW 132| F]
Created: Wed Nov 7 21:44:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v71fc/i_never_ever_give_diet_advice/
Someone looked at my license today and they noticed that I lost weight(50 lbs) they are big, not morbidly but nearing it.

They got really interested in how I did it. I told them I started running and that's true but I never mentioned calories because I really don't want them to get this disorder. I want them to enjoy food like I no longer can.

[Rant/Rave] just came home from the most triggering date ever
/u/twa1238 [F25| 158cm | CW 🐄 |]
Created: Wed Nov 7 21:41:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v70n6/just_came_home_from_the_most_triggering_date_ever/
so I fucked up, got a bit drunk, told the guy I’m seeing but don’t really like something about my parents, one thing lead to another, I’m casually spilling the tea on my ED. Oh yeah didn’t eat today; oh no I’m not kidding when I’m worried about being fat-I have no idea what I look like most of the time:))

but I don’t know if he like really got it because I think for most people BDs are like - not real? I’ve told him I seriously wonder if I’m fat or not almost everyday and he just was like “that’s super weird lol”

But then he told me AGAIN about how he put on twenty pounds after not smoking and I was a bit drunk and annoyed at myself for over sharing so I’ve gave him the facts on that. That your metabolism doesn’t change that much, that it’s not possible to just automatically gain weight (He said he replaced smoking with HEALTHY food though, like cereal bars and I told him those are each around 200-300 calories and he told me it’s stupid to count things under 500 calories....what.....????)

Obviously I knew too much about protein and calories and metabolisms for a sane person but maybe he doesn’t connect it to eating disorders????? Idk

Whatever, the first time we hung out he asked me about my weight and I’ve told him my first gw that I really thought I was currently at (didn’t weigh myself for a few weeks, spoilers: not at that weight right now:)) but now that I’ve been in the scale again I know it’s not true. But while we were walking home he looked at me and said I don’t look like that weight, but skinnier and that I should step on his scale once we were at his place because he thinks mine is wrong or something. And he told me he’s usually great at guessing peoples weight (obviously he’s not though, he was off by four kilos which is quite a lot for someone my height). Needless to say I did NOT step on that scale.

Okay, next part. We were lying on his couch, he had one arm around me and the other one on my stomach and grazing his fingers and suddenly stopped, kinda squeezed my rib and asked me if that was one of my ribs. I was like yeah and he said “oh...okay..” and touched it a bit more. On one hand I was so happy about my ribs sticking out enough to be noticed under two layers of clothing, on the other hand... please don’t Bodycheck me I am the only one who’s allowed???

Then he has this weird obsession with my arms. Like, my wrists mostly. He touches them and it’s like he’s almost measuring, he always tells me how they’re so tiny and I know it’s positive probably but it triggers me so hard. Today he also started to GRAB MY LEGS AND CUP THEM WITH HIS HANDS

I full on jumped up from the couch

Then later when I was leaving he made a comment about how short I am again, telling me everything about me is so tiny except my boobs, they’d be so big. I just looked at him, and he managed to say even more shit “they look even bigger in contrast to your tiny body”

I think I really have to end it. I don’t even like him. He’s the most boring person ever, we don’t fit together at all, he has a crush on me and hopes by not sleeping with me right away I start to like him and he can “tame” me I guess but it’s never gonna happen, especially not now that he made so many comments about my body that I won’t ever be able to undress in front of him

I’m just going back to him because it upsets me so much to hear someone talk about my body but I also really need it?? And sometimes there are rare moments where he makes me feel small??

Also I’ve been on the scale right now and between now and before I went to meet him (8 hours ago) I’ve lost almost a pound...it’s probably dehydration but I wanted to end this mess on a positive note

[Rant/Rave] dress codes make me salty, here's why
Created: Wed Nov 7 21:36:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v6zj5/dress_codes_make_me_salty_heres_why/
my school probably had tge most relaxed dress code you've ever seen. literally. girls have shown up in booty shorts and tube tops, and admin is fine with it. i'm actually super glad that my school has seemed to realise just how oppresive dress codes are. the typical no gang signs, swears on clothes, or god forbid you wear a hat, but other wise you're basically good to go!

unless of course, you carry some extra weight.

a girl in my math class is very big. however, she likes to wear short shorts, and tank tops, and honestly im so glad for her! the confidence she has in her body is amazing, and i wish i had half as much confidence to be who i am and wear what i want no matter what i weigh, but alas that is not the case.

anyways, she's wearing some jeans and a tank top. she has a very large chest, so you cpuld see a bit or her bra, and a bit of cleavage. WELL APPARENTLY, you're not allowed to be chubby and wear tank tops, only skinny. almost immediately she was told she had to "cover up" her chest and skin.

there were literally girls that day who wore a tube top, no bra, booty shorts (and im not saying they're bad for doing so. if thats what they wanna wear, rock on!), but you could see a lot more skin on this girl because she's bigger, she has to cover her disgusging chubby body :))))))

i felt so bad for her. she's a super sweet girl, and she didn't deserve to be treated like that.

[Rant/Rave] i’m so upset
/u/vctrlcs [5'7" | CW: 128 | BMI: 19.9 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 7 21:31:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v6yfv/im_so_upset/
so i got laid off today. and i’ve contacted my (now former) boss about a different position that became available but he hasn’t responded and it’s been like 10 hours.

i’m also way fucking behind in my classes and college apps BECAUSE i was dedicating so much time to my job but apparently i wasn’t good enough for my boss to like me and/or rehire me...

i just feel like such a failure and like i’m bad at my job; and on top of it all i can’t stop eating. i feel like if i start restricting / eating “clean” then everything will work out and i’ll succeed at something.

i have another job lined up just in case but it’s only tangentially related to my field and it’s far from my first choice. i just want to be able to do something right for once.

/rant; thx for reading, im drunk and tired and sad and just needed to type this out. love u guys

School counsellor wants to take me t an eating disorder specialist and I’m freaking out
Created: Wed Nov 7 21:27:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v6xdj/school_counsellor_wants_to_take_me_t_an_eating/
I’ve never seen any professionals for my eating disorder, I’ve been doing this for 3 years and I’ve never seen anyone. I’m scared of the judgment and I’m just really scared. I feel so fake and I feel like I’ll get judged for not being skinny and I just I can’t deal with it I’m really stressed and anxious. She said they’ll diagnose me most probably so they’re going to be weighing me and I’m freaking the heck out.

How do you deal with this?

My counsellor says I don’t have to go if I’m not comfortable, she just wants me to get a diagnosis so things are clearer and so she could take other steps.. and a part of me wants to go to see if I do actually have an eating disorder, more to feel validated tbh, but the other part of me doesn’t want to go and just wants to continue to starve until I’m skinny enough to go back and I just

[Tip] Tony Robbins-style post on EDs.
Created: Wed Nov 7 21:25:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v6wxp/tony_robbinsstyle_post_on_eds/
Your MIND plays a starring role in where you are in your ED right now. Let me explain because this is not some recovery/therapy/preachy post.


First, STOP IT with the "fuck it" "I'll start tomorrow" mentality. Chances are, you won't. The more bad choices you make, the more wired your brain is to keep making that mistake. Instead of saying fuck it, diet starts tomorrow, put the binge food down. Don't eat that whole can or bag or whatever. Fuck THAT. Fuck regretting THAT later.


Second, forget what you ate before this moment. Use your energy to focus on the days, weeks, and months ahead of you. Say you start meeting your calorie goal now. Can't undo a binge, but can restrict. The results WILL come, EVEN if you've been binge eating for days.


Third, constantly daydream about looking in the mirror at your dream body. Imagine how it feels to brush your fingers along your flat stomach or whatever you get off on. Imagine taking selfies in cute bras and short shorts. Keep thinking of that person-- close your eyes and make her who you are today.


Fourth, reduce your calorie goal to a level that challenges you a little more than you want to be challenged. A few hundred more. Track this, but you all know that we tend to accidentally not enter a lot. Essentially, stay in your calorie goal by creating a margin for error.


Finally, don't weigh yourself every day if you're up in weight. It will just make you feel like shit, which you don't want right now. You want to feel like you're got this, your GW is easily yours, and your body will get there FOR sure.


[Help] I don't want to purge
Created: Wed Nov 7 21:21:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v6vs1/i_dont_want_to_purge/
Ive been doing SO GOOD. Restricting <500cals every day for 2 weeks.

I've lost almost 10 pounds and I've been almost euphoric.

Tonight I caved.
I ruined it by getting a latte this morning with milk
Then a single beer after work


I binged on safe foods and still less than 1000 calories
But God I feel so guilty.
I don't want to purge. But I feel like I NEED TO.
How do you guys stop the urge to purge ????

[Rant/Rave] Terrified by All the Choices.
Created: Wed Nov 7 21:20:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v6vo1/terrified_by_all_the_choices/
I don't want to eat 1200 calories because what if that doesn't make me lose? Or what if I lose too slowly?

But I also get scared when I think of eating less than that. Yeah I'll lose weight, but what if I can never eat 1200+ again because my body gets used to like half that a day and I gain if I ever try to go up?

And it's the same with exercise. I love weight lifting and I want to get lean muscle, but really defined. But what if somehow lifting makes me gain fat instead of muscle? Like what if my body holds onto all the fat to feed the muscle or the muscle gets bulky under the fat and I just look worse? But I don't want to do just cardio and loss the muscle I have worked on

The fear of everything having a bad outcome stops me from doing anything ever.

Created: Wed Nov 7 21:19:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v6vfy/cured/
As insane as this sounds I went and saw a “soul healer” she told me I had a demon attached to me that was causing my ed... wtf right??? Well anywho she told me I had to cut all ties with this demon and end the contract that I had with it. She then told me if I agreed to have this demon leave me. I said sure and since then (Friday)... I haven’t purged. I went from purging every single day to not for 6 days. Not even any thoughts about it. Soooo crazy I know but I don’t know if it’s a placebo effect or WHAT... but I’m feeling pretty good.

[Rant/Rave] Even though im 10lbs lighter than i thought i feel horrible
Created: Wed Nov 7 21:01:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v6qw2/even_though_im_10lbs_lighter_than_i_thought_i/
This is potentially triggering

Ive never looked or felt so fat in my entire life. I wish i could just stop giving into my shit eating habits everytime and i wish i didnt feel like have to work out 24/7 even after a 2 hour workout that made me feel like death just because i ate 600 calories in a day. That number makes me want to puke. Im so ugly compared to all my friends and they all deny it but all they say when i try to talk about how i feel is "you have to eat!". I KNOW i have to eat but i wish i didnt have to think about that. Im so tired of being like this and i just want to die. And im not even like. Normal fat. Being fat isnt bad or ugly but i am literally disproportionate and my weight distribution is the worst and even if i lose weight ill only look slightly less weird. I hate my body and i just want to die.

[Rant/Rave] I ate an entire Quest bar today and I'm so proud of myself
/u/Death_by_Hedgehog [5'5" | CW: 112.8 | GW: 102 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 7 20:48:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v6nli/i_ate_an_entire_quest_bar_today_and_im_so_proud/
Quest bars are delicious and terrifying and a major fear food. I went to my therapy appt, impulse bought one later at the store, ate it in the car. And didn't purge it when I got home. Holy shit.


Sorry, I know this is dumb. I'm just kinda proud and also kinda anxious and scared and am excited and didn't have anyone IRL to tell that would get it.

[Rant/Rave] intake tuesday
Created: Wed Nov 7 20:44:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v6mlm/intake_tuesday/
so I go in for ED intake on Tuesday. I'm scared cause I think ive been weighing myself in the wrong place in the house and I might weigh way more than I thought. I'm gonna wait for the medical scale to freak out fully lol
but idk. i promised someone very important to me that I would try, but I don't know if i can. as much as i dont want to lose them, I don't WANT to recover. I'm not ready. im not bad enough. im not thin enough.
i just dont think i can do this..

First time posting here
Created: Wed Nov 7 20:43:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v6me7/first_time_posting_here/
I don't exactly know what to say but I know I need to connect to people that understand. I'm so depressed lately even though I have a lot of really good and exciting things going on in my life. I got prescribed to adderall 4 years ago (by a crooked doctor) to help suppress my appetite and it works but I think I'm going to far and I don't know what to do.

I'm starting to feel depressed all the time, anxious, physically ill because the adderal makes it hard or impossible to sleep.

Has anyone else used ADHD medicine to lose weight? Did you tolerance continue to increase making you take more and more?

[Rant/Rave] Just one more slightly messed up thought ♡
Created: Wed Nov 7 20:38:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v6l0u/just_one_more_slightly_messed_up_thought/
I love the idea that I eat as many calories in one week as some people eat in one day.

[Discussion] I think I fucked up by introducing my family to IF
Created: Wed Nov 7 20:36:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v6kie/i_think_i_fucked_up_by_introducing_my_family_to_if/
One day, the reply "Don't worry, I did eat!" wasn't enough for the usual "Are you sure you've been eating?" question from my parents, so I told them "It's intermittent fasting".

My dad tried it and he was so impressed and now my mum too. I feel like I fucked up. I'm not exactly sure too if intermittent fasting is good, or maybe it's just because my intermittent fasting is not the "healthy way" so I'm not seeing it properly (because obviously they probably eat more than me)

I'm bothered by it because my mum was watching a video about it to know more and none of it seemed healthy. Not even OMAD. My parents are insecure, I mean- I learned from the best, but I don't want them to go into this road?

I know IF won't make them have bad eating habits but seeing them actively decline food bothers me a lot.

/u/PoemOfLifeItself [yes]
Created: Wed Nov 7 20:33:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v6jlx/cs/
Fuck I c&s’d earlier and I’m already excited and can’t wait for tomorrow so I can do it more. Fuck my life

[Discussion] welp, today is shit
/u/asiaticlily [5’10 | 131.2 lbs | -49 lbs | F22]
Created: Wed Nov 7 20:30:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v6ivc/welp_today_is_shit/
Got my car taken away from me. At almost 23 years old. Mom had to lock up all the liquor in the house because idiot me was gonna drink anything and everything I could get my hands on if she didn’t. Thankfully I buy alcohol free mouth wash.. at least I know myself well enough to do that. Boyfriend is worried sick about me. Honestly, he probably wants to dump my ass but is too scared to because of the fall out it would cause. Yeah, I know. Re-reading this is enough to make me want to kms :) I haven’t eaten food in 3 days, and all I want to do is keep taking body check pictures because of how thin I look. Guess I can just obsessively feel my collar and hip bones until I pass out tonight. Fuck life dude. It’s way too hard. Endrant.

[Rant/Rave] Panicking a bit
/u/applesauceistheenemy [5’10.5” | 140 | 19.5 | -70 lb | female]
Created: Wed Nov 7 20:19:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v6fvp/panicking_a_bit/
So today I weighed myself expecting 140 but got 135. Then I tried on pants at work and fit into a size 2. All amazing, right?

Yeah kinda, but it’s also terrifying.

I’ve gotten used to this way of life. Restricting, fasting, controlling. It’s my “thing” now. I’m suddenly freaked out that I could reach my ugw very soon and then I will have nothing to “work towards.”

I don’t have a full blown eating disorder, and I don’t have body dysmorphia at all, so honestly trying on clothes today, I felt fucking great about myself and thought I looked amazing haha. But then the fear is in the back of my mind — how will I control myself now? WHAT will I control now? How will I regulate my feelings if I can’t fast for as long or ECA stack? I’m not gonna binge, so the only other option...is to stop.

And stopping means I’d need another outlet. Something else to control, to help me control myself. And I don’t know what that is yet, and that scares me.

[Other] i hate myself
/u/1caru3 [5'1 | CW: 109 | UGW: 100 | F16]
Created: Wed Nov 7 20:12:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v6eas/i_hate_myself/
literally i wasn’t even that hungry so i was like “oh, i’ll just have one serving of rice for dinner!”
and i blacked out, and 30 minutes later i had demolished over 2000 calories. i hate myself so much ahdhahdja

i’m posting this to keep me from binging tomorrow to (idk i’ve tried everything, maybe ranting on the internet will help)

also, anyone else super binge-y around peanut butter? at one point i literally found myself eating peanut butter by itself. yikes.

[Rant/Rave] My dad died 7 years ago tomorrow.
/u/cocacolonization [5'8" |cw maintaining| 27F]
Created: Wed Nov 7 20:12:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v6e49/my_dad_died_7_years_ago_tomorrow/
He’d be so ashamed of me and everything I’ve done in the last 7 years. I threw away the university scholarship and the future career he was so proud of. The relationship he gave his blessing to turned abusive and fell apart, and all I’ve done since is sleep around with men who don’t give a shit about me. I lie about everything in my life to hide how badly I’ve fucked it all up.

I can’t remember what his voice sounded like anymore. I have trouble picturing his face. And now I’ve even forgotten what day he died on and have had to look it up like a complete asshole.

I’m the worst daughter in the entire world.

[Help] Help me please
Created: Wed Nov 7 20:11:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v6dzq/help_me_please/
I've just been on the worst b/p thing in a while... I don't even know I just need someone who knows what's going on to talk to, even if it is some stranger on the internet, I'm sobbing rn and I feel so alone, can someone please talk to me?

Please recommend tortilla chip substitute that are NOT vegetables!!
/u/ilikecocoakrispies [5'1 | HW: 160lbs | CW: 157 | GW: 115]
Created: Wed Nov 7 20:09:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v6d8w/please_recommend_tortilla_chip_substitute_that/
I'm insanely obsessed with salsa (specifically Tostitos' habanero) b/c its pretty low cal and the spicy makes me not eat so much at once. But like I can't just eat salsa w a spoon yknow I need like an edible salsa vehicle into my mouth, and chips in general are so high calorie it just fucks me up lol

Does anyone have any non-vegetable (e.g. slices of pepper) tortilla chip substitutions?? I'm just a picky eater I hate veggies lol

[Rant/Rave] The battle between wanting to eat like a normal human being, and wanting to just let this disease kill me is real.
Created: Wed Nov 7 20:06:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v6cmb/the_battle_between_wanting_to_eat_like_a_normal/

I want it to be tomorrow so I can eat more
Created: Wed Nov 7 20:01:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v6b3h/i_want_it_to_be_tomorrow_so_i_can_eat_more/
Reached 500kcals today and it’s 8pm. I’m slowly waiting for tomorrow so I can eat more. Like ugh.

[Other] Not super ED related
/u/BluntCakes_ [5’7 | CW119 | 18.6 | GW112 | 18F]
Created: Wed Nov 7 20:00:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v6att/not_super_ed_related/
Anybody else feeling suicidal right now I fucking can’t

[Tip] @ tropical smoothie, ordering w/ splenda basically cuts your calories in half
Created: Wed Nov 7 19:56:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v69w9/tropical_smoothie_ordering_w_splenda_basically/

I don’t even like food anymore
Created: Wed Nov 7 19:52:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v68tv/i_dont_even_like_food_anymore/
Somewhere between BED and bulimia here. I guess the title kind of says it all. Today, even when I was hungry, eating didn’t feel good. It didn’t relieve anything. I just felt bad for eating, and then for some unknown reason just kept eating (I guess cause I already felt like shit?) until I felt that all too familiar regret (and pain).

And today was supposed to be a “back on track” day for me. God fucking dammit. Why can’t hating my body and hating food extend to not eating anything. Why can’t I be miserable and skinny instead of miserable and flabby.

Probably because I eat so much.

binging and purging at olive garden occurs too often
Created: Wed Nov 7 19:36:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v64g8/binging_and_purging_at_olive_garden_occurs_too/
it’s disgusting how much i eat and then throw up at this fuckin establishment lol

[Rant/Rave] Want to binge so bad but trying not to
Created: Wed Nov 7 19:36:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v648z/want_to_binge_so_bad_but_trying_not_to/
My biggest trigger for bingeing is getting upset or stressed. My SO is being a pos lately... he’s apparently in some “funk” and he’s treating me like shit. Being a bad dad to our kids. Etc, etc. I’ve been patient... now all of a sudden he thinks ignoring me & not coming home from work is an option?

I want to binge so bad. Earlier he hung up on me and I did good just chugging water, taking the kids to donstuff our of the house & chewing gum. I made dinner when we got back... waiting and waiting for him to come home. Now the kids don’t want to sleep so I can’t sleep... I haven’t had much help all week bc he’s been in some mood. I’m overwhelmed. Anxiety through the roof. Stressed about everything.

I want to binge so bad. I want to go in the kitchen and eat all of the Halloween candy my kids got (they are 1 and 2 so they don’t get the candy anyway).

My weight was finally back down to my happy weight after a weekend out of town. I’m so annoyed that his dumbass is making me want to binge. I wish I could just sleep instead :(

[Discussion] What was GOOD about your day?
/u/ihate-chicken [5’7” | CW:109.5 | 17.09]
Created: Wed Nov 7 19:31:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v62w5/what_was_good_about_your_day/
I didn’t have the best day but I love hearing about other people’s good days... it puts me in a better mood :)

I’ll start: I actually really liked my outfit today and felt pretty comfortable in it

[Rant/Rave] My chest is what I hate the MOOST
Created: Wed Nov 7 19:29:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v62k1/my_chest_is_what_i_hate_the_moost/
Ugh, how much do 36DD boobs weigh y’all?? 🤭🤭 I hate how they look with my oversized shirts and I hate that they totally make me weigh more. I always wear a sports bra because I hate having my boobs push out my shirts to just go straight and make me look super fat... :// anyone else have this insecurity??!!

[Discussion] Goals for people with forever potato body syndrome?
Created: Wed Nov 7 19:29:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v62je/goals_for_people_with_forever_potato_body_syndrome/
I keep finding myself falling into these thinspo holes and staring at flat or super concave stomachs, tiny thighs, and I look at my old LW pics to see that even at 105 I still have a stomach pouch and saddle bags and a huge butt. I know those are things that I can only take down so far. Is anyone able to recommend someone a little more obtainable to stare at while I cry into my halo top? Not these beautiful wispy tall bodies that my 5'2 lumpy saggy body could kind of aspire for. I'm setting myself up for even more failure every time I look at body types I'll never have.

[Help] I'm a high restrictor thinking about eating >600 per day. Convince me otherwise?
/u/frankxcastle [5'4 | CW:123lbs | HW:160lbs | F]
Created: Wed Nov 7 19:26:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v61hm/im_a_high_restrictor_thinking_about_eating_600/
I try to eat between 800-1200 each day, but my progress has slowed and I know longer feel hungry on this amount. Hence why I want to go under 600 calories per day. I'm kinda worried about potential health problems, which is why I'm asking you guys who do low restriction what major drawbacks there are? What would you say to yourself before you started down this road so you would stop?

2 girls trying a&w beyond meat burgers
Created: Wed Nov 7 19:20:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v6038/2_girls_trying_aw_beyond_meat_burgers/

Holy shit the gossip
/u/TotallyNotARadar [6'1" | CW:110 | GW:105 | BMI: 13.86 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 7 19:16:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v5yw1/holy_shit_the_gossip/
My school environment has always seemed pretty tame. My class especially has always been pretty quiet however the level below is fucking CRUEL.

Nothing about me obviously but like overhearing a group of girls shitting on someone else with stuff like

>Veronica said today that after eating half a sandwich that she was stuffed. Like yeah right you’re stuffed, I know what you’re doing. And the other day she was like “I’m not feeling well so I’m just having water for lunch”. No way.

I’m usually the kind of person to yell at strangers (because I have a combination of giving lots of fucks and none at all) but this was one that just made me book it.

I’ve even seen on like some of our schools meme pages stuff like:

(Jealous boyfriend stock photo meme)

* (current girlfriend) eating like a normal person
* (boyfriend turned looking away) <full name of girl in a lower grade>
* (other girl) eating two grapes as a meal

Like what the fuck has happened, why are people so god damn mean. I’m glad I’m getting out of this place but at the same time it’s worrying me a ton because like there’s a chance some of this is happening behind my back too, let alone just how awful it is to everyone else

the worst fucking thing
Created: Wed Nov 7 19:08:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v5wm5/the_worst_fucking_thing/
all i fucking want is a flat stomach.

well, thats not true, i want a perfect body and i would change 200+ things about myself, but i really fucking want a flat stomach. but what sucks is that no matter what i do i will never have one.

i get ovarian cysts every month which means i get semi-painful, fluid filled sacs on my ovaries that make me gain weight and also make my lower abdominals be a bump compared to the rest of my stomach 🙄🙄🙄🙄 so no matter how much i restrict, how many workouts i do, ill always have that fucking bump on my tummy and weigh 5 lbs more than i should.

fuck that.

[Goal] My fluctuations over the past couple yrs... Well, I suppose it's evident about when I began a long-term relationship 🤦🏼‍♀️ For heaven's sake lmao....... I'm starting tf over.
Created: Wed Nov 7 19:01:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v5urm/my_fluctuations_over_the_past_couple_yrs_well_i/

[Rant/Rave] Hmmph
Created: Wed Nov 7 19:01:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v5ul0/hmmph/
I had like 900 calories today. I was doing so well..100-200 per day.. I hate myself.

i wish i could isolate myself
Created: Wed Nov 7 18:48:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v5r4f/i_wish_i_could_isolate_myself/
i wish i could completely isolate myself from every other living person, not have to do any school work or have any commitments, and put all my focus into losing weight for just 6 months. thats all id need, is 6 months to get the perfect body.

but no.

[Discussion] 4chan positively surprised me
Created: Wed Nov 7 18:38:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v5o6g/4chan_positively_surprised_me/

this is kinda bad but i restricted without thinking
/u/freakytreesprite [5'2'' | 158 | 29.0 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 7 18:33:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v5mv3/this_is_kinda_bad_but_i_restricted_without/
I literally wasn't hungry after lunch, and i was at 700 kcal so I just got home from two glasses of wine and a shared cig with a couple friends and

i'm not hungry?

even though i've had under 1000 kcal? like what magic is this

ED with a career?
Created: Wed Nov 7 18:31:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v5m61/ed_with_a_career/
Recently relapsed with my ED. I’m 28 but developed an ED in my teens (officially diagnosed at 14). I’ve now struggled with this for half of my life. It sucks to have to write that out. I cycle through periods of recovery and relapse.

I didn’t even hit the 1 year mark for recovery before I relapsed again. Here I am...in the place I’ve been so many other times. Yet this is way worse than it’s been in years. My initial ED diagnosis was anorexia but my most recent relapses have been bulimia. I don’t know what this is. I alternate between 16:8 intermittent fasting and OMAD, aiming for 600-800 cals/day at most. I’m taking ECA stacks. I’m obsessed with getting the fat off my body that I gained in my period of recovery.

I’m a professional with a full-time career. I am also working towards a second degree and take 7 credits of classes in the evening after work. I have my own home that I have to clean and maintain. The stress of my job and responsibilities are killing me. I think the stress is why I relapsed. My ED is the only way I know how to gain control in my life.

I’ve been blowing through my comp, sick and vacation time at work because I’ve been a total wreck. I can’t afford to lose my job, it means so much to me. I work in HR yet can’t disclose my condition for fear of being looked down on and having my professional reputation affected. Although I love the work that I do my workplace is corrupt as hell. I don’t trust anyone enough to share my struggle with my ED.

It’s getting harder and harder to stay on top of my work and when I restrict, I get snappy. I feel like it’s affecting my level of professionalism. I can’t just up and quit but I can’t keep going like this. Yet the fucked up part is that I don’t want to get better, all I can think about is losing this weight. I feel like a failure among the other posters here with weights in the double and low triple digits. I hope to be back there by my 29th bday.

How do other people do this? I was promised a promotion soon and can’t even imagine dealing with a larger workload than I have now. I don’t know what the point of this post even is. I guess I’m looking for tips on how to not let my ED affect my career and work performance. If nothing else, thanks for letting me ramble. ❤️

[Rant/Rave] Cal-free Coffee
Created: Wed Nov 7 18:26:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v5kyh/calfree_coffee/
A little crazy but today I have been freaking about the 10 calories that are in my cups of black coffee.
Today is my fast day and I feel like I can't truly fast if I drink my black coffee. I dont drink soda so diet coke is out of the question. Anyone else freak about this stupid amount of calories or any coffee brands that are 0 cals?

[Rant/Rave] a general PSA - to be read if you’ve ever suddenly gained 3 lbs overnight!!1!1!1!1!
Created: Wed Nov 7 18:21:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v5jm0/a_general_psa_to_be_read_if_youve_ever_suddenly/
it’s water weight! Holy GOD it’s JUST WATER WEIGHT!

Jesus CHRIST come on guys and gals and enby pals it’s JUST water weight and YES you’ll lose it. Or it’s waste weight and you need a good dump- sorry to be crude.

**You can’t spontaneously gain 15 lbs eating 300 calories a day y’all.**

If you’ve had pickles or anything with a high salt or sodium content, it’s *water weight I swear to g o d*

And if you’re not losing it later? You’re miscounting your calories.

I literally see this come up in my feed multiple times a day and y’all - *come on* just ... deal. you can go one day without weighing yourself if you eat 34 pickle slices the day before ok you won’t die I promise you

[Rant/Rave] I hate myself and I want to binge
/u/littlesmol [5'5" | CW 156 | GW 90 | BMI 26 😭 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 7 18:15:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v5hr3/i_hate_myself_and_i_want_to_binge/
I never wanted to end up like my father but I guess I’m just like him because we both fucking hate me. I’m probably gonna end up binging just to fuck myself over because I don’t deserve to feel good about myself. I can’t wait until I can move out and not be around so many trigger foods and more importantly (and this is coming from someone who loathes trigger foods) not be around my fucking dickhead father anymore.

What up multitasking!
/u/DinosaursAndStarStuf [Goal: Recovery]
Created: Wed Nov 7 18:11:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v5gqi/what_up_multitasking/
Walking on the treadmill, drinking some coconut pineapple Sparkling ICE with triple sec and everclear, and watching some Guy Fieri bullshit on TV.

What are you fine ladies and gents up to this evening?

First time I didn’t binge in forever
Created: Wed Nov 7 18:10:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v5gnc/first_time_i_didnt_binge_in_forever/
Today I ate 1116 calories. Am I proud of it? No. But I didn’t binge and I’m pretty ecstatic. I’ve gained like 7 lbs over the past few months from binges and I’m ready to undo all the damage I’ve done. 110s here I come!

Experiences with OMAD and restriction?
/u/ifitmakesmehappy [5'5 | 125| -45| F]
Created: Wed Nov 7 18:07:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v5fsm/experiences_with_omad_and_restriction/
Hey guys, I’m hoping I could get some experiences/ tips on how to start doing OMAD.
I’ve been binging a lot recently, and it’s usually triggered by eating early in the morning.. once the floodgates open, it’s hard to stop thinking about food:(

How easy was it for you to transition, how many calories do you usually eat, and what kinds of meals do you make for your OMAD? Did it help curb your binging?

I am planning on doing an EC stack in the morning, sipping magnesium/ salt water throughout the day, and take my vitamins at night. OMAD would be at around 6-7pm.

Any help would be appreciated ❤️

[Discussion] Lexapro and weight gain?
/u/cookiecutterhands [5'5" | 113 | 18.8 | -43 | F]
Created: Wed Nov 7 17:57:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v5cry/lexapro_and_weight_gain/
Today, my OB's APN prescribed Lexapro for my depression. I told her that I have a phobia of medications designed to mess with the way you think but she wasnt comfortable letting me leave without at least saying I'd try it out for a few weeks. So my paranoid ass goes home and looks up all the side effects and whatnot, and the first one I read is weight gain. UH NO. Not happening. Plus, she completely disregarded the fact that I am bipolar and I also read that lexapro has the same effect on bipolar patients as sugar pills would, i.e. nothing. If I do end up having to take this, do you guys think I'll get a huge appetite and binge 24/7? What are your experiences? Kinda just wanna die atm.

Does anyone else wear exclusively black when they feel fat. I get to feel fake thin!
Created: Wed Nov 7 17:54:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v5bvd/does_anyone_else_wear_exclusively_black_when_they/
Aka [always](https://imgur.com/a/TMMn8nl). I literally hate to show my bare skin and always wear black and heels to look taller and thinner. Unfortunately I'm a sick fat fuck with childbearing hips that won't relent, but black clothing helps. Also skinny jeans, black socks, etc. Still want to chop my hips off!

[Rant/Rave] Coworker made me feel cute
Created: Wed Nov 7 17:37:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v57c5/coworker_made_me_feel_cute/
I usually order my work shirts pretty baggy, going for a XL when I'm technically a medium. I have pretty big boobies and so the shirts always go straight down and don't touch my stomach, which helps on gross days.

We were allowed to dress up on Halloween, and I was Beetlejuice, and I wore a black crop top under a striped jacket so you could sort of see my tum if I wasn't covering it. My coworker stopped me and told me I was "so much skinnier than she thought" and it 100% made my life, I'm still thinking about it a full week later 😭😭❤️

Side note, DAE feel like their boobs make people assume they're fat? Sometimes I wish I could make them smaller 😤

[Discussion] Is there any person who you would LOVE to see perform a mukbang?
/u/orthoreXXX [23F | 5’4” | cw 110.6 | gw 99 | bmi 19.4]
Created: Wed Nov 7 17:37:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v5771/is_there_any_person_who_you_would_love_to_see/
I personally would kill to see a few kpop stars to do a mukbang, eugenia cooney, and Angelina Jolie lol

I gained 2.5 pounds since yesterday, how?
Created: Wed Nov 7 17:30:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v553t/i_gained_25_pounds_since_yesterday_how/
I've ate over my limit of 500 cal yesterday a little I think, I'm sure I couldn't have consumed 2.5lbs in one day though. What could have happened? I still ate under 1000 cals. I don't understand why this happened to me and I feel even more like shit now. Please help me out, explain why this happened. I even weighed myself several times to make sure and the number didn't change.

[Rant/Rave] I feel like work should burn more calories
Created: Wed Nov 7 17:30:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v54zm/i_feel_like_work_should_burn_more_calories/
But I guess not??? I mean I’m on my feet all day walking all over my store.. wtf??? I chug water and run to the bathroom every 28 minutes what the hell body? BURN CALORIES damnit

[Discussion] What is your timeline for your UGW?
Created: Wed Nov 7 17:26:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v53w8/what_is_your_timeline_for_your_ugw/
My UGW is 100 and I'm trying my best to hit it a few days before my birthday on February 23rd! So that gives me 15 weeks to lose 21 pounds.

What about you guys? What're your goals and the time you want them accomplished by?

[Help] Does anyone get anxiety over estimated calories?
/u/sillymoonbin [5'4 | Female]
Created: Wed Nov 7 17:15:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v50wg/does_anyone_get_anxiety_over_estimated_calories/
I know some of us overestimate our calories for various reasons, but it’s getting to the point where I’m overestimating them into numbers that result in me purging (I recently started purging :() For example: I will eat an apple of 95 calories, but convince myself it was no less than 300, and then get enough anxiety about having eaten 300 calories and I go purge it. It may not be a new thing for some of y’all, but I guess I wanted to just ask and maybe get some comfort ;;

[Help] Clothes feel so tight!!! Fuck you Recovery
Created: Wed Nov 7 17:08:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v4ym5/clothes_feel_so_tight_fuck_you_recovery/
Been doing recovery and I just FEEL so fucking fat today... my clothes all feel so tight, even my big ones. So I'm used to the body dysmorphia demons making my face and body look horrible, but can this actually make clothes feel tighter? My weight has been about the same for 3-4 weeks now, but today literally nothing fits. Does anyone else get this... is it just bloating? UGGG I want to restrict so badly.

Rough times=weight melting off
/u/pinks0ck_ [5'3 | CW: 113 | GW: 100 | 29 nonbinary]
Created: Wed Nov 7 17:08:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v4ykn/rough_timesweight_melting_off/
But I don't even care. My boyfriend's mom just passed away suddenly, falling in the shower. Almost 1 year to the day of losing my best friend. Grief melts pounds off me, but honestly I don't give af. She was a prominent figure in the BBW community and always promoted body positivity. I really loved her, especially compared to my own mom who projected her eating disorder on me (and still does *eye roll*). IDK where I'm going with this but you are all so beautiful and please be safe and tell your people how much you love them.

[Discussion] Does romantic attention trigger you?
/u/whatxever [5'2 | 112 | 20.6 | -37 | 19F]
Created: Wed Nov 7 17:06:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v4y3p/does_romantic_attention_trigger_you/
So I'm not someone who is experienced sexually or romantically - a lot of it due to me not being interested to be fair. Long story short, I'm now in an environment where I'm exposed to a lot more of that aaaand there's this one guy who's apparently really into me. It hasn't progressed all the way or anything, but he has like seen me without a shirt on (GAG!!! really wish this part hadn't happened lol), seen me without makeup on, and become my first kiss (I feel like a child writing this lmao). At this point, when we're going on dates and he's holding my hand, I'm enjoying it/him although I'm still not really interested in a relationship but when we're not physically together everything about the situation triggers the FUCK out of me. My eating disorder, my BDD, my anxiety, my depression, etc. I've actually begun to just sit and stare into space contemplating if this is some kind of elaborate Carrie style prank because there's no fucking possible way for someone to be romantically or sexually attracted to me. Especially someone attractive with a good personality. At all. And this is not some bullshit romantic like Twilight "he's actually perfect & I'm inferior" thing. Even if he were unattractive and had a shit personality I'd feel the same...& I have met plenty of those types at parties/clubs & thought this still lol.


Like I said, I don't want a relationship & I don't think we're at the point where we need to know that about each other yet, but I also don't want to push him away as a friend or otherwise because I do think I like him but I absolutely cannot help but feel extremely paranoid. And this just continuously triggers me. Even more than I am normally by just being around people and going out or whatever. I've expressed this to friends, some of whom have EDs too, but most are just like "yeah, that's normal" or "it's good you're paranoid because what if he just wants to fuck?" when like the entire fucking base of my paranoia is the fact I fundamentally cannot fathom another person being attracted to me in any fucking way so ultimately I'm not even really worried if he's just doing all of this to deflower me because I don't even consider that a possibility lol :/


Does this happen to you guys??? How do you handle it? You don't have to give me advice or anything, I'm just interested in your own experiences because this is very, very new territory for me.


tl;dr guy seems to be genuinely into me, inexperienced virgin, & I cannot understand how or why that is possible. do you relate? how do you handle situations like this/dating/people being into you while balancing extreme psychological complexes regarding body/appearance & general anxiety/depression (if relevant)? or even sexual trauma? (yup, cherry on top is I'm a sexual assault survivor lmao)

[Help] Help me be a normie
Created: Wed Nov 7 17:05:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9v4xxj/help_me