[Rant/Rave] To the Bone rant
Created: Sun Oct 14 09:13:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o3fxm/to_the_bone_rant/
Ughhhh while there are some things To The Bone gets right the whole movie really creeps me out because Luke is such a creeper and his problematic behavior is not called out. The creepy, hypersexualized infatuation with Eli and the fact he seems to get a hard-on with trying to force her to eat, and how when he finds out he can't dance anymore he lays all his problems and will to live on Eli. Holy hell, co-dependent/emotionally abusive much??? Also I didn't get the whole desert scene. Still waiting for my magical starvation-induced hallucination that is going to give me some life-changing insight into recovery.

I used some form of the word "creep" like 3x in this post lol. But I mean, if they took away the obvious voyeurism of Lily Collin's emaciated body and completely rewrote Luke's character, it could actually be halfway decent.

Fuck you mom and fuck your jeans.
Created: Sun Oct 14 09:09:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o3eus/fuck_you_mom_and_fuck_your_jeans/
I lurk on this sub a lot but first time posting. I had a victory today— the jeans my mom wore when she was my age are too big on me (she has a special pair some band signed that she’s kept forever). Now I’m wondering if she was as skinny as she claimed. Either way the cruel sense of satisfaction I got from her face when I tried them on and they were too lose will be my nourishment for the next week. My mom has been telling me I was fat since I was 7 (I wasn’t then). She refused to buy me jeans because they “looked weird on me” and “my waist and legs were two different sizes so nothing fit”. I literally wore tracksuit pants all the time. In 6th grade two popular mean girls who I desperately wanted to be friends with started making fun of me for it . I came home crying and dear sweet mommy said it was okay and she would order me PLUS SIZE pants from Lands End. She measured me with either a massively faulty tape measure or just her own delusion and ordered a juniors plus size eight. I was so excited to get them. I got the package before she got home from work and tried them on- lo and behold they were too big and could fit about 3 of me. She was absolutely SHOCKED when she came home. Eventually in seventh grade my dad gave me some money for the wall and I went and found a pair of jeans that fit me fine, from Abercrombie which my mom always told me was a “skinny girl” store. I actually bought them loose because thanks to my Mom I have ZERO concept of my own size.

Of course the damage was done and even at my highest weight (size 12) I would be buying jeans that were 16/18. My wonderful best friend saw me picking some out one day and was like “please, buy jeans that fit!!!” She helps me but it’s still a struggle.

But now I’m thin and my Mom is old and looser the s he was and it’s KILLING her that I’m skinny. And all I see when I look at pants now is a challenge— I’m gonna be tiny enough to fit in THAT. Next goal is her wedding dress (if my aunt is correct my mom exclusive are baby carrots for like 3 months before her wedding, which I can see cause the waist on that thing is teeny tiny.

I'm a fucking dude
/u/RichardStarrkey [6'0 | CW:FAT | GW:55kg | M]
Created: Sun Oct 14 08:55:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o3b07/im_a_fucking_dude/
Nobody takes me seriously. I got called a bitch nigger at camp, which is the most childish thing someone can come up with. I mean, what the fuck? My superiors are watching me eat. That makes it harder. I have a dude assigned to watch me go to the bathroom and he reports me when I throw up.

It's more fucked for another reason. When my bipolar shit is in full swing, thinking about food makes me throw up. And being anxious (which is all the time) makes me throw up. I get sent to the psychologist daily. I have no peace of mind. I can't limit myself to 50 cal like I used to. And when I do, they fucking know. Cause I fucking told them expecting to get help.

We get free healthcare in the army. Anything that happens within government buildings get subsidized 100%. So I get free SSRI's for two years. Afterwards, I'm left in the gutter with how little they pay us. I don't know what to do. I really don't. Pray for me. Pray for me. Pray for me.

Hey, seriously, pray for me.

I actually think I might be crazy
Created: Sun Oct 14 08:52:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o3aaa/i_actually_think_i_might_be_crazy/
Trying to push myself into a manic episode because I feel like such a whale and when I am all I do is paint and walk and go to the gym and forget to eat. So sorry doc- I know we worked hard to avoid this but I'm miserable being myself right now

can someone tell me the point of posting a normal calorie meal on r/1200isplenty
/u/alcoholhas2manykcal [5'4" | HW: 245 lb | CW: 174lb | GW: 120 lb | 23F]
Created: Sun Oct 14 08:52:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o3a6o/can_someone_tell_me_the_point_of_posting_a_normal/
Why do I want to look at a 5-800 calorie recipe on a diet sub ffs

[Rant/Rave] Why am I not losing weight
Created: Sun Oct 14 08:37:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o363y/why_am_i_not_losing_weight/
I started at 170 and I’m at 153 now but I’m stuck at that. I’m eating under 500 and I drink so much water. On Wednesdays I take laxatives but I can’t budge! I was stuck at 155 until I fasted for like 36 hours. I’m so pissed. Last time I lost weight I went from 166 to 135 in THREE MONTHS. WHY HAS THE WEIGHT LOSS STOPPED?

[Goal] DAE have GW’s set up by holidays? how much do you plan to lose?
/u/pistachiocreams [63"| 105.5 | -18 | F :pupper:]
Created: Sun Oct 14 07:54:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o2vd1/dae_have_gws_set_up_by_holidays_how_much_do_you/
i just set mine and am really hoping i can stick to them! i currently weight 101 lb. mine are-
- 97 lb by halloween 🎃
- 94 lb by fall break ✈️
- 92 lb by thanksgiving 🍂🥧
- 90 lb by christmas 🎄
of course this is soo hard for me to tell if i’m gonna be able to stick too depending on how much i indulge, plus i’m hoping i cant hit some of these like the weekend before (like for halloween) because i’ll probably end up eating more then than the actual holiday! hahaha

is drinking beer every night and not eating anything else still gonna make me fat?
Created: Sun Oct 14 07:49:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o2u8z/is_drinking_beer_every_night_and_not_eating/
i haven’t eaten in about a week but i drink about 3 beers every night. i’m losing weight and i also purge but when i wake up in the morning i feel like a complete fatass for drinking beer. i’d buy liquor just because of less calories but i get too destroyed and it burns my stomach cuz i never eat. maybe beer just makes me feel full like i ate something? i just feel so fat.

[Other] I can't sleep
Created: Sun Oct 14 07:26:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o2oyp/i_cant_sleep/
This is so weird. My hip bones are hurting from laying on my side and stomach and I'm nowhere near my goal weight. Like I'm still so fat. Why

[Help] Please help; must stop the binge. Must stop the weight gain.
Created: Sun Oct 14 07:24:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o2oj0/please_help_must_stop_the_binge_must_stop_the/

[Help] I need more ED series
/u/Ednosonline [175 cm/5'9" | 65 kg/143,3 lbs | BMI 21,2 | -2 kg | Female]
Created: Sun Oct 14 07:06:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o2ke2/i_need_more_ed_series/
I have rewatched Supersize vs Superskinny, all the seasons on YouTube, and am now going through secret eaters (again). My big fat diet show is also done. I need more similar series, programs and documentaries! Preferably ones available on YouTube (or Netflix)!

[rant] The preoccupation with food is driving me insane
/u/LateAsparagus [24F | BMI 24.5 -> 20.3 -> 21.9]
Created: Sun Oct 14 06:44:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o2fpz/rant_the_preoccupation_with_food_is_driving_me/
I'm traveling home on December 22. and I've spent a ridiculous amount of time in the last couple of days planning the snacks I'll take with me to brighten up the nine hour train trip. I have exams lined up and I can't study because I'm too interested in food. Begone thoughts

[Tip] Amazing!!!
Created: Sun Oct 14 06:30:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o2cxz/amazing/
Just a general PSA.... Glucomannan is amazing. First you feel full. Mix it in some water slam it down you don't even think about food for at least 6 hours. Or if you are like me and eat just because you can, this shit makes it so you already feel like you ate a whole pizza, bag of chips, and whatever other dumb crap you have around, so there's really no room for any thing else.

Second, all the 💩💩.... Not like scary laxative, can't leave the bathroom 💩... Just really a thorough cleaning out.

Third. It was like $10.....

I seem to be all or nothing. I can restrict like a champ, I can binge like a pro, I can't seem to find the middle ground.....

Sunday: Share your favorite recipes!
Created: Sun Oct 14 06:13:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o29o5/sunday_share_your_favorite_recipes/
Looking for memes? [Right this way~](/r/ProEDmemes)!

Daily Food Diary! October 14, 2018
Created: Sun Oct 14 06:10:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o293p/daily_food_diary_october_14_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for October 14, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

anyone else feel like they can't recover because they have had their ED for so long
/u/kitt_3n [5'2 | CW: 104 | BMI: 19 | F]
Created: Sun Oct 14 05:23:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o20tm/anyone_else_feel_like_they_cant_recover_because/
I've had my ED for almost 7 years now - I don't mean that I can't recover in the sense that I'm too entrenched in my ED, it's just that I almost feel like if I were to recover now, it would mean that the past 7 years has been ... a waste? Maybe this is super illogical because you aren't supposed to get anything "out" of mental illness but I almost feel like I better be thin after all of this because I've wasted so much damn time ....

Fuck this fucking illness.
/u/TrashcanDarling [28F | 5'4" | 15.2]
Created: Sun Oct 14 04:51:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o1vh6/fuck_this_fucking_illness/
I’m so, so tired of anorexia. I’ve been struggling with eating disorders since my early teens and was diagnosed with anorexia with bulimic symptoms at age 18. I’ve had my ups and downs since then, including hospitalization, inpatient and outpatient treatment. Nothing helped me recover completely. The last time I was inpatient I was 22, and I checked myself out before being fully weight restored. Probably stupid of me. I’ve mostly managed to stay around BMI 16-16.5 since then, but the past months I’ve relapsed and here we fucking are. I don’t really have any options for treatment at the moment, and even so – I don’t think I’m motivated enough for it, despite being worried.

I know this disorder can be deadly and lately I’ve been almost ready to accept that it will get me eventually. I just can’t seem to get rid of it. I was recently in hospital for a few days due to dehydration because I was restricting my fluids due to not wanting to feel “bloated”. I also have a slow heart rate. I KNOW what I’m doing is dangerous, and yet I want to continue losing weight. I keep telling myself that I’ll be okay once I reach my “goal weight” but we all know that is bullshit and I won’t feel happy about it at all, and I’ll be in a worse condition that I am now. But anorexia’s yelling is impossible to ignore. I feel like I’m in a toxic relationship with myself. I want to get away from this monster, but how the hell do you escape when the monster lives inside of you?

It’s too easy to think that I won’t die, someone else might, but not me. And then I remember that to everyone else, *I* am “someone else”.

Fuck this shit. I’m sick of being sick.

Being one of the last awake is a great feeling
Created: Sun Oct 14 02:33:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o1abm/being_one_of_the_last_awake_is_a_great_feeling/
You can sneak away and purge or you have a great excuse. It’s great.

I should stop drinking so much.

How low can I go without this killing me?
/u/TotallyNotARadar [6'1" | CW: 113 | BMI: 14.23 | F (MtF)]
Created: Sun Oct 14 02:25:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o194t/how_low_can_i_go_without_this_killing_me/
I so badly want to hit <100. Like even 99.9 would be good enough. It’s such a perfect number. It’s a delta of 13lbs which is a lot but I’m pretty sure it’s possible. At like even a modest -750cal it’ll take two months. My main concern though is this might actually kill me. I think though that it’ll be alright because I feel perfectly healthy where I am now (no fainting etc).

Risk wise, is this too far? I feel like I’m already so close I can do it but at the same time I’m aware from a more logical realm that there has to be a biological stopping point. Do you all have a limit you won’t let yourself cross from a math standpoint?

[Help] I’m tired of being my weight.
Created: Sun Oct 14 01:50:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o13nj/im_tired_of_being_my_weight/
I want to be 100-110. I HATE my weight and would do anything to change it- I b/p a lot but it’s not enough- anyone want to stick to a diet/ guilt trip me into being 100 by the end of this October/ November? I would love you forever!!!!’

old woman yells at cheeseburger
/u/sweetmarten [176 | 60 | 18.98 | F]
Created: Sun Oct 14 01:29:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o10d0/old_woman_yells_at_cheeseburger/
MASSIVELY overdid it these past few weeks.... study stress is gettin to me and I've been indulging in so much fast food as "study snacks".... after making so much progress this year....

Going to spend the next 7 days eating only fruits and vegetables. I need plenty of energy for studying but at least I won't be putting so much crap into my body and HOPEFULLY i'll drop a lil bit of the fluff. Anyone else felt themselves slip off the ol wagon recently? Feel free to join me on my quest for """""health""""

[Rant/Rave] nuts are fucking evil tbh
/u/death-crush [156cm | CW: 45.4kg | BMI 18.7 |GW: 43kg| 19F | bulimic bitch]
Created: Sun Oct 14 01:19:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o0ys8/nuts_are_fucking_evil_tbh/
so i’m visiting my parents and i’m in the kitchen drinking coffee when i spot it... a bag of salted peanuts.
i know nuts are super high calorie but i never knew exactly how high. so i start reading the nutritional label.

188 cal for 30g. oh god. 628 cal for 100g. jesus fucking christ. i turn the bag to see how much it weighs - 250g. 1570 cal for a tiny ass bag of salted peanuts that won’t keep you full for even half a minute.

i used to eat so many of these fuckers back when i still lived with my parents and bcs i knew nothing about nutrition it never seemed like a big deal, but now i’m screaming internally tbh. like how can anyone eat these?

anyways i figured some other people on here could relate to my existential crisis over nuts. thank u for reading this long & pointless rant, lov u

[Discussion] messaged my ex and cried into black coffee oof
/u/milk-and-honie [5'6" | 168 | 28.2 | 35 lbs down | female]
Created: Sun Oct 14 01:03:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o0w8i/messaged_my_ex_and_cried_into_black_coffee_oof/
tfw you get blocked after your first message asking for a little closure after 6+ months. they were pretty abusive looking back, so I’m not sure what I really expected and honestly this was probably the best outcome.

...doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt like hell. I loved them with my whole heart. I fundamentally built myself as a person around their fleeting love and at some times questionable support. they were poly, and introduced a third party into our relationship in secret knowing I wasn’t okay with it. When I blew up, I had a mental break down and said things I shouldn’t have. I just messaged with an apology for that and left it open ended. Instant block. god.

it’s kind of funny that it set off my ed even more than before. time to fast for a week hahaha

[Discussion] What “ED food” / healthy food can you not stand?
Created: Sun Oct 14 00:33:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o0rkq/what_ed_food_healthy_food_can_you_not_stand/
I personally absolutely hate avocados I think they taste so nasty

What eating disorder/healthy food do you hate?

[Rant/Rave] I hate feeling full
/u/chezpajama [Height 5'9| CW 138.6 | BMI 20.6 | GW: 118 |🍑sweaterdove ]
Created: Sun Oct 14 00:32:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o0re8/i_hate_feeling_full/
Today I ate about 1300 calories. I had a dinner thing and most of the calories consisted of garlic bread, couscous salad, vodka cocktails and cheese and crackers.

I’m about 800 calories below maintenance but I feel disgustingly full. Maybe because I low restricted the last two days.

I’ve never liked this feeling. Even in recovery, even before ED. My body is sluggish, I’m bloated, tired, gassy. There is nothing satisfying about these states of being.

I just want it out of me, but I hate puking even more so purging has never been my thing.

On one level I love food. On the other I find myself losing interest after I eat 1/3rd of any dish. These days I think I cook just to alleviate boredom.

[Rant/Rave] So that happened
/u/applesauceistheenemy [5’10.5” | 140 | 19.5 | -70 lb | female]
Created: Sun Oct 14 00:13:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o0oaq/so_that_happened/
I know this isn’t Ed related except like, tangentially, but I’m polyamorous with a guy and a girl and the guy and I went on a date the other night and the girl was all upset because she wanted to spend time with us...

Well, I’ve been feeling pretty shitty because she only wants to have sex with him because they’ve been “more stable” and we still have “too much to work through.” Meaning, she hasn’t forgiven me at all for past arguments. I asked if she’d be willing to have sex with me first so I’d know we’re cool, and she initially said yes, but has since said “I just can’t for the foreseeable future” (meaning forever probably) and “you’re being controlling for asking this, and it’s unhealthy.”

So now I’ve been called manipulative, controlling, and toxic. And the issue isn’t so much that I’ve been called those things, I have done things that were wrong but I don’t think they were that extreme tbh, but it’s the fact that she can’t forgive me, like at all.

I also feel the need to explain myself. I was called toxic for being too clingy when I was going through an extremely difficult time and I wanted to call her a lot. I was called manipulative because once my male partner was literally screaming at me, then yelled “What the fuck do you have to be sad about?!” As I was crying, and I said “I’d rather you have just hit me.” (So I’d have “a reason” to be upset.) He didn’t but pinned me down and pinched the back of my neck and I was manipulative because of that and he was “the only victim” in that scenario. I was called controlling because I asked if she’d be willing to wait to have sex with him until after she did it with me first.

Now a bit about why this is extra shitty - I’ve also been guilt tripped for having mental illness, Ed especially because “what will the baby think,” I’ve been told things that I felt were unreasonable and “too much,” every time my female partner hurts me emotionally, she didn’t actually and it was a “misunderstanding” on my part, and I need to feel guilty for talking to her about it and “making her feel bad,” if she does apologize she follows it up with the reasons why she had every right to act the way she did, I’ve been full out sobbing and she literally pushed me away because she was “tired” and “can’t deal with it right now,” and my self harm isn’t taken seriously even when I easily could’ve died.

So all of that has led me to finally make an ultimatum that if she doesn’t forgive me in a month, I’m out. I know a lot of people in my life have said I should’ve left long before this, or that I don’t need forgiveness I just need to leave, etc etc. But this is the final straw, and this is my breaking point, because for me to not care about the things she says and does I have to starve myself for days at a time and self harm severely enough to need stitches each time. That’s what I HAVE to do to make my brain not care and so I won’t be full-out suicidal. Not that she’s encouraging it; in her mind I should just be able to not be upset or guilty at will, and to not be affected by rejection or lack of empathy, and that would fix everything. But I need physical pain to “atone” for my feelings for myself.

I just needed to get this out there somewhere, and it’s fine if you guys agree with her that I’m the only problem and I cause every issue and things like that. I’ve already been called the worst things I could’ve been called my entire life and survived, after all. So if you do think I’m a monster it’s ok. I can take it.

[Rant/Rave] Honestly, I don’t care about anyone else’s weight but my own
/u/speedayyyy [5’7 | CW 162 | GW 120 | 21F| 🍑 @stupidpieceofshit]
Created: Sun Oct 14 00:03:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o0mmp/honestly_i_dont_care_about_anyone_elses_weight/
I’ll see people who weigh more than me and think they are just so beautiful. I don’t think others are less beautiful just because of their weight, doesn’t matter how much they weigh. I think it’s so beautiful that other people can love their bodies and not hate themselves. I really don’t care. I hate my body. I’ll see people who are my height and weight and think they look amazing. But not me. I hate my body. I don’t think I’m pretty or carry weight in any good places. It sucks. I just want to look in the mirror and be like wow you look good.

[Help] Is this hair loss normal? I'm freaking out.
/u/LynCross [152.5cm | BMI: 25.1| CW: 128.75 lbs |UGW: 101lbs |F ]
Created: Sun Oct 14 00:00:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o0lxq/is_this_hair_loss_normal_im_freaking_out/

[Other] Tips and tricks I have yet to try if restricting becomes harder.
Created: Sat Oct 13 23:55:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o0l7j/tips_and_tricks_i_have_yet_to_try_if_restricting/
Black coffee
Safe foods
Sugar free hard candy

To try:
E/C stacks
Monster 0
Caffeine gum
Diet soda regularly
Pickles, celery, more low/ no calorie shit

PSA: don’t forget fiber *tmi warning*
/u/GohanCake [5’1” | CW: 93 | GW: 86 | 27F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 23:22:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o0fo8/psa_dont_forget_fiber_tmi_warning/
I’m sure a lot of you guys can relate, but I don’t get many uh, bowel movements. I binged pretty hard on Thursday of this week and was expecting something but nothing was happening. Today I just spent an hour in the bathroom making the most inhumane noises and faces; I’m sure it sounded like I was trying to exorcise a demon. Anyway, don’t forget to either take fiber supplements or eat some dietary fibers so you can avoid being me. I’m on my way to the store as soon as it’s open. Not making that mistake again.

[Rant/Rave] Coworkers said ‘everything about me is so soft!!’
Created: Sat Oct 13 23:13:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o0dzc/coworkers_said_everything_about_me_is_so_soft/
By that they meant my hair, face, and skin were well moisturized— I was talking about how I got a new conditioner for my hair, and how I was going no makeup today. Cue petting and stroking and feeling of my face and hair and shoulders.

But you know how I took it, and you probably know what I did (not) do the rest of the night.

I hate how this warps everyone’s words into how I’m a fat cow. I hate how I take everything personally, I hate how I can’t stop thinking about my body.

The progress is too slow and it's making me lose my mind
/u/caithaa [5'7 | 125 | 19.56 | 21F 🌼]
Created: Sat Oct 13 23:06:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o0cpy/the_progress_is_too_slow_and_its_making_me_lose/
Every day the scale does down .2 pounds and every single morning I'm just so disappointed that the restricting didn't help. Fasting didn't help. Eating TDEE didn't help. Nothing will ever get me below 120 and I'm just sad and disappointed and will be every morning I wake up and get on that scale. So I'll eat an entire jar of chocolate chips that aren't even sweet (because they're for baking) and lay in bed until the sun comes up, just so upset with myself. I'll get up and weigh myself and the .2 pounds will be back. And it sucks knowing they'll always be back.

Sometimes I'll have a whoosh and wake up to 122 or even 121. But it won't make me happy. It's not a victory. It's like those completely insignificant .2 pounds. I could wake up to -.2 or -4.0, I'll just know that it'll be back tomorrow. My body isn't changing the way I wanted it to. When I see the weight go down I don't tell myself that I did well. No, it's probably just dehydration or something. It'll be back on tomorrow. And I just will it upon myself to gain that weight back, so even if I'm not hungry I'll force a binge because my sick brain is like you don't deserve to lose those 4 pounds sabotage your progress so you'll never see 119.

I'm just tired. Like I really want a break where I am a normal person for a little bit. So I don't have to have these terrible hunger headaches and anxiety insomnia, where I'm up for 48 hours unable to sleep. I can't sleep because my heart is beating too fast, because my body is so worn out it's hyperventilating to ask me to just relax for one day, but my brain won't shut off for even one whole second, so I can't rest at all.

I just would like one week to rest and then I'm okay with the headaches and insomnia to come back. But I can't even allow myself that vacation, because then I wouldn't be losing/gaining that same .2 and honestly I don't know what else to think about for 24 hours during the day. Like I'll just be empty without thinking about those .2 pounds. I don't care about anything else so what do I even do?

[Discussion] The weird things we eat
Created: Sat Oct 13 22:51:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o09ub/the_weird_things_we_eat/
So i just finished eating a “midnight snack” of a can of tuna and a wedge of Laughing Cow in an attempt to curb the binge desire. I looked up from my sad snack at my hubby who looked particularly disgusted at the weird combo and couldn’t help but laugh.

What are some weird foods you guys eat?

I made a whole tray of rice krispie treats
Created: Sat Oct 13 22:24:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o04kt/i_made_a_whole_tray_of_rice_krispie_treats/
...and didn't eat all of them!!!!! Amazing. Yesterday was a binge purge night mare but today I seem to have avoided that and I'm so happy. Small victory.

annoying shit my roommate* says
/u/juulorexia [20f | vegan | 5'2" | goal bmi: 14]
Created: Sat Oct 13 22:23:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o04hi/annoying_shit_my_roommate_says/
^(\*my 5'6" 120 pound roommate, who is one of those fucking people who has a small frame and good genetics despite eating like garbagio and) ~~^(not actually being that skinny)~~

* *\*20 minutes after eating two huge slices of pizza\* "*oh my god, I literally didn't have dinner tonight." (this one almost made me die laughing)
* *\*after eating three cookies, two full-fat lattes, a protein bar, six spoonfuls of peanut butter, and a sushi roll in my presence alone\* "*idk i shouldn't drink tonight, i **literally** have **not** eaten today"
* "omg i'm such a skinny twig bitch/i'm such a hot skinny blonde chick" stuff like that (and its shitty, but my brain wants to scream 'YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A THIGH GAP'
* *\*after i lie and tell her i'm just starting intermittent fasting for the health effects\** "oh cool, it feels really good to not eat a lot. why do you think i do it?"
* "yeah, i used to be super anorexic. i'd only eat like 1200 calories a day."

i love her to pieces but it is just excruciating talking to her about food. like, perspective, please.

I feel like no one will love me because I’m fat.
Created: Sat Oct 13 22:10:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o01r7/i_feel_like_no_one_will_love_me_because_im_fat/
I’m actually fat, like medically over weight.
All the guys I talk to weigh around my weight
If I ever start talking to a guy I assume he’ll never want to be with me because I’m so fat. Especially because I’m young and in college : what’s the point of dating me when there’s more beautiful people?

I just feel so unworthy of love, I wish I was the pretty friend. I wish I was able to date someone and not automatically jump to my weight if it doesn’t work out

I'm having a meltdown lol
/u/averybluebitch [19f | 5'4 | lw: 52kg | cw 55,5kg | gw: ???]
Created: Sat Oct 13 22:05:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o00n8/im_having_a_meltdown_lol/
hey everyone ya girl is back to her bullshit


so right now i'm sobbing into my senna tea because earlier today i made my bf weight himself as a joke (in his clothes, which included jeans) and noticed that I'm back to weighting 10kg more than him (is this sentence even correct? anyway). I've been eating like a wild ape lately and haven't managed to restrict under 900 for more than like. 4 days the past three months? It's a mess, really.


so yeah I guess I'm just venting? I wish I could go back to eating around 600 cal/day, meh. Guess that's just how it is in this bitch of an earth.

Your work doesn’t define you
/u/SkinnyAgain259 [Height 5’7”| CW 155lbs | BMI 24.2 | Weight Lost 5lbs | Gender F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 21:31:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nztl4/your_work_doesnt_define_you/
I know I’m not the only sex worker here with an ED.

This post is just to say, our work doesn’t define us. One day one customer might love us but the next he might hate it.

It doesn’t matter, we are people deserving of respect regardless of our job. Somedays I hate it but some I love it, but the problem I have most is tying my self worth with how sexy I am.

Regardless of it, I should still feel happy with myself, as should you. Our job doesn’t define us as a person, one negative comment doesn’t mean shit, it’s not a reason to bring us down.

Our weight is not a reason we do bad, remember that 99% of the time it’s something else. Most likely out of our control, we can’t cater to everyone all at once..

I’m sorry if this is out of line, I just remember what it feels like to be alone in this industry and have an ED. Regardless of what you think, what it is, remember that you’re not alone, never hurt yourself for the sake of others.

[Other] Can you take your jeans off without undoing them?
Created: Sat Oct 13 21:14:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nzq1d/can_you_take_your_jeans_off_without_undoing_them/
My waist is getting so small I can take my jeans off well they are done up
I got so freaking happy I started to tear up

[Rant/Rave] I’m putting my foot down
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 |CW 117 | GW 115 | GW 105-110 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 21:08:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nzon8/im_putting_my_foot_down/
I will be 105-110 pounds by the end of the semester. I will lose these last 6-11 pounds. I will try my hardest to not binge. Just need to remember what I’m after. I will clean eat and fast. I will not lose control and end up purging.

[Rant/Rave] Eating out of shame.
/u/trackerbrothers [5'6 |cw: 118 | gw: 115 | bmi: 19.04 | 28F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 20:56:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nzm1f/eating_out_of_shame/
Boyfriends dad came by the house today, and heads up, I absolutely love his dad. While I was walking out of the bathroom I ran into him and he was shocked by how much weight I lost. I don’t do well with people commenting on my size no matter how big or small I am. I became really flustered saying “oh I guess I’ve lost a bit”. Then he asked if I’ve been sick and I had to say I was a bit ago. I was so embarrassed, anxious and a million other emotions that made me want to disappear. I began talking about how I was trying to lose the weight I had gained a while ago blah blah blah, and really I just ended up humiliating myself. My boyfriend began saying things like how “she’s worked really hard and actually really proud of all the work she’s accomplished”. I love my boyfriend and I know his heart was in the right place, but I just wanted the whole thing to end.

Anyways! To the shame part! I went upstairs and hid away for hours. My boyfriend came up to tell me that there was pizza. I didn’t want to eat, but I went and forced myself to eat it in front of his dad so he didn’t think I was crazy. Surprise tho I’m not even tasting this shit, I’m just shoving it in as fast as possible to get this shit show over with so I guess that actually makes me crazy. Now I hate myself. It’s funny though, when I was coming out of the bathroom I had just weighed myself and I hit my goal weight then immediately scare this poor guy with my sick ass face.


*on phone please excuse shitty writing skills*

anyone excited for Sunday?
/u/cortizonegnome [5'3" | bingetastic CW: 107 | GW 94 | UGW 88 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 20:49:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nzkmd/anyone_excited_for_sunday/
I feel like there's an iteration of this post every week but Hey its a new week so I'm gonna be the one to make it. anyways it's almost midnight where I'm at and I'm like *buzzing* because I c/s like four large bags of Cheetos and like 20 donuts and it made me feel nauseous so I #forreal ate some carrots and iceberg lettuce and chugged some water but it made my stomach like extend so I feel absolutely disgusting but it's almost midnight which means it's almost Sunday which is a New Week and I'm going to do a liquids fast for the next five days.

the only thing keeping me from going insane from the guilt and self loathing is the idea that it's all going to 'reset' tomorrow and I can fast to get it all off.

actually I'm probably going to keep updating it in this thread (that only I will prob read lol) for my own accountability.

[Other] Eating at maintenence for a week-what I've learned, how I felt, and my plans now that I think I'm finally ready to go back to restriction.
Created: Sat Oct 13 20:42:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nzj5f/eating_at_maintenence_for_a_weekwhat_ive_learned/
Maintenence is 1670. I usually eat 200/day.

On thanksgiving, I prepared an 800 calorie meal that was supposed to be my OMAD. But then I saw all the other cool shit in my fridge that I didn't get to eat and it took me up to 1900.

Then the next day I was fasting and again, I mini-binged and had 1500.

Instead of panicking and fasting for like 2 weeks like I normally would, I decided I would have a maintenence week.

So the following few days afterwards I tried all the food that I hear are safe foods for others, but for my 200/day ass, I still couldn't have. I had a bunch of Halo Top, Avocado, Bananas, and I had a SHIT TON of canned soup.

On Wednesday I had 1200.

As I write this on Saturday, I only had 80 calories, and I *was* about to finish on that note, but then I decided to have some popcorn, cheerios, and tofu. I haven't had tofu in SOOOO long and it was still in the fridge. It was once again, another mini-binge, but I'd like to think of it as more like an unplanned OMAD tbh.

Now I'm at 770, and I think I'm gonna close off here, which means ya girl is finally ready to go back to restriction. I'm not super uncomfortably full like I was during my 1000+ days, but I'm not starving either.

So perhaps I'm not ready to jump back to 200 a day, but clearly 770 is like, high-restriction level. I'm satisfied with this number. It may not my lowest record, but baby steps are clearly needed at this time since my self-control decided to go out the window lmfao.

But you know what? I think that ultimately, this week was a great thing for me. It allowed me to catch up with food that I genuinely miss, and I actually have a shitload of new go-to safe foods. I used to eat nothing but mushrooms, cauliflower, eggplant, spinach, and low cal smoothies. Now my new list includes a MASSIVE variety of various canned soups and vegetables, vegetarian meatball replacements, and also- salsa is super low in calories??? How come no one told me? I'm such a hoe for salsa now omfg

I haven't tried protein bars yet, but I think I will try one tomorrow to close off my high cal week since 1 of those bad bois are like 200 lmfao. But y'all keep saying they're safe so I guess I'll try one and see how I feel.

I also found out that multigrain cheerios are no longer a safe food. The plain version is still safe-ish to me, but because of the added sweetener in the multigrain version, it is WAY TOO ADDICTIVE. Not buying that shit ever again.

Lastly, FML HUMMUS TASTES WAY WORSE THAN I REMEMBER. I used to be a big hummus addict before ana, but obv it's way too high in cals for me nowadays. I tried it again this week and it's so overrated to me now??? Idk fam.

I mean, it's one week of putting my weight loss on pause. I've lost more or less 60 lbs already. I've got another 30 or 35 to go, but still. I've made crazy amounts of progress, and while I'm obviously not stopping here, I just had to take this quick break.

Usually at 200/day I can expect to lose about 3 lbs a week. This week I'll probably lose *at best,* a fraction of a pound since the last 2 days (today and tommorow) will be high restricting. But honestly? Putting my weight loss on pause for just 1 week was actually so fucking worth it. I've missed tofu and guacamole so much. I missed hummus too even tho that was a disappointment. It has taught me new safe foods, what to avoid, and I was actually able to eat with my family during a meal for the first time in like 2 months.

Did I feel like a fat piece of shit the whole time? Absolutely.

Did I feel like I was giving up with every bite I took? Yes.

But also- I was able to stand up without having my vision fade to black. I wasn't feeling nearly as lethargic, and I had a lot more energy. I didn't feel like I had to faint at all. If I was late to class, I was actually able to run instead of feeling like a half-dead zombie slowly crawling throughout campus. And lastly, I didn't feel nearly as fucking cold as I normally do. All of these things make me feel accomplished, but also quite shitty bc fainting is fucking scary.

I also used to freak out over the calories in diet soda, gum, and spices. Now I don't really give a fuck about logging those anymore. Yay for a tiny taste of recovery!

(I mean yeah, I still think about it, but it never actually goes in my log.)

I'm too fat and unready for REAL full recovery, plus it wasn't exactly recovery if I was physically unable to stop counting my cals and obsessively using my food scale and measuring cups the whole time. But this little minibinge/maintenence week was actually crucial to me in terms of getting my shit together, learning how to deal with going over my limit without a panic attack, and adding some variety to my safe food list and coming up with new food rules to shake up my usual routine. I think I'm going to restrict 600-700 next week, 400-500 the week after, and stay at that range. Also-I probably won't fast at all for like the next 3 weeks. I'm sick of fucking fasting.

200 a day is just.... ugh. I can't see myself doing it anymore for a while tbh. Weight loss might slow down a bit, which sucks but what can you do 🙃

If you find yourself eating more than you planned, please don't panic. Sometimes we deserve a little break, especially if you're a low restrictor like me and your body is so low on nutrients that it will lead to something like this eventually. Don't freak out too much. <3

Looking for Pinterest buddies
/u/sakurasora [5'2 | CW: 130 | BMI 23.8 | WL: 0 | Trans FtM]
Created: Sat Oct 13 20:42:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nzj59/looking_for_pinterest_buddies/

[Help] Help w/ nosy parents?
/u/WashiiTape [🌻 Height: 5'4 | CW: 119 | BMI: 19.4 | Gender: F 🌻]
Created: Sat Oct 13 20:40:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nzimb/help_w_nosy_parents/
My parents are visiting. This would be totally alright, buuut theyre super snobby, plus they dont know i have an ed. They keep getting onto me about eating tiny portions of food, too much tea, and complaining that "everything you make is zero cal and sugar free why are you such a health nut!!" and its whatever, my parents wont be happy with anything i do so i dont even care, but i think they got suspicious after they caught me writing down my calories for the day. Can anyone think of good solid excuses for why im obsessive about not eating a lot?? It would fuck up a lot of my life if they found out about my ed, and im an awful liar :(

[Discussion] Has anyone tried the ABC diet
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 |CW 117 | GW 115 | GW 105-110 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 20:03:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nzam9/has_anyone_tried_the_abc_diet/
I wanna try it but I can’t restrict that low over weekends. Is it worth it? How hard is it follow.

I puked straight up stomach acid and vodka last night and now my throat hurts whenever I try to eat
/u/alcoholhas2manykcal [5'4" | HW: 245 lb | CW: 174lb | GW: 120 lb | 23F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 20:01:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nza7f/i_puked_straight_up_stomach_acid_and_vodka_last/
I was on a 2 day fast so that's all that was in my stomach- I bought 2 pizzas to have a nice little binge, but god damn, I don't know if I can get another slice down

blessing and a curse?

[Help] Please tell me it will be okay
/u/fernsandfoxes [5'5.5"|CW:109|BMI:18|GW:100|19F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 19:57:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nz9au/please_tell_me_it_will_be_okay/
I just ate an unplanned OMAD that was a bit less than 1000 calories and I’m trying my hardest not to purge. Normally I have one binge a day, purge, then don’t eat anything else. I don’t want to live like this anymore and I don’t want to feel this way anymore. Please someone tell me I can keep this in, that it will be okay.

My MIL told me I look “positively model-thin” tonight.
/u/robreinerismydad [5’9”| 177| F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 19:50:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nz7np/my_mil_told_me_i_look_positively_modelthin_tonight/

Grilled cheese..
Created: Sat Oct 13 19:50:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nz7ni/grilled_cheese/
Someone made me a grilled cheese for dinner and although I do know how many calories were for the bread (140) and cheese slice (70), she slathered spreadable butter on both slices of bread and I don’t know how to calculate it into MFP.. should I add an extra 100 calories?? Would that be under or overestimating??

My tailbone hurts....
/u/xlilgirlpoptartx [5'7 | CW: 200 | SW: 245 | GW:135 | F/37]
Created: Sat Oct 13 19:49:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nz7fz/my_tailbone_hurts/
This may or may not be related to weight loss but I can’t comfortably sit any longer because either my hips hurt, or my tailbone does. I mean I’m gonna ask my doctor about it next week but I’m hoping the answer isn’t just that this is the price I pay to one day be skinny

I’ve never purged before
Created: Sat Oct 13 19:31:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nz3i9/ive_never_purged_before/
And after tonight, I don’t think I ever will 💀

I felt really sick and went to bed to sleep it off. I woke up puking the 900 cals worth of nuts I ate earlier. At least I don’t feel as bad about the calories. I just feel bad, period. I have bits of nuts stuck in my sinuses. This is so fucking gross. I never want to eat again.

[Help] has anyone else experienced this?
/u/manfromanother-place [5’1.75 | CW:100 | GW: 95 | 18.4]
Created: Sat Oct 13 19:28:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nz2y9/has_anyone_else_experienced_this/
when i touch my hip bones, they hurt like there is a bruise, but there is no discoloration! anyone else have/had a similar feeling?

[Discussion] I might be bulimic and I’m fine with that
/u/med_z [5'2ft | cw:115lbs|gw:84lbs|nb lesbian]
Created: Sat Oct 13 19:28:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nz2xx/i_might_be_bulimic_and_im_fine_with_that/
Lately I haven’t been purging bc I haven’t really been eating anything unless I couldn’t find away out of it. But then it hit me that I still am purging bc I been taking laxatives, way over the recommended dose, which is somewhat upsetting bc before I could never fast and always ate everything so I would be purging 3-6 times a day so I would lose weight gain it back then lose again but now I have been fasting but for the food I have eaten I’ve took laxatives as a replacement for purging but ik lax don’t cause weight loss like purging and fasting does and plus my grandmother’s scale is broken so I can’t weigh myself and I can’t help but think I’m not losing anything weight. I’ve been stuck at the same place for 3 years and I haven’t gotten nowhere. I just wanna look sick, every time I go to the doctor nothing is ever wrong. I wanna go back to how I was and I feel like im getting close to my goal.

[Rant/Rave] Just ate 2000+ calories for the first time in months... help me deal?
Created: Sat Oct 13 19:27:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nz2oo/just_ate_2000_calories_for_the_first_time_in/
I was supposed to end the day at 350 net calories, but these past few days it's been increasingly harder to restrict (seriously, I can just feel the binge cycle creeping up on me), and on top of that I felt like a piece of garbage for laying in bed all day after the gym, and I guess my period is coming up? (or, you know, the sorry excuse for a period I get for 2-3 days a month), and yeah, the Kraken was unleashed. The worst part? I'm not even that full. Like, I hate myself and feel uncomfortable and disgusting but I could probably still fit a few more things inside my stomach. And there's this voice in my head telling me it's because I'm a fat piece of shit. And I wholeheartedly believe that voice.

Purging is in the back of my mind, but I'm trying to keep myself distracted by watching Forrest Gump (though when the whole 'box of chocolates' part came on I was like, OH THE IRONY) and planning ahead... which basically means telling myself I won't eat anything tomorrow... which might not be that hard considering there is nothing left to eat after my rampage today.

So if you could leave encouraging words, or like, give me some reason not to fling myself off a cliff, I'd greatly appreciate that. And I sincerely hope none of you are feeling as worthless and pathetic as I do right now :(.

Water Retention is Bullshit
Created: Sat Oct 13 19:15:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nyzv6/water_retention_is_bullshit/
Yesterday, I wore a pair of size 6 jeggings that fit me perfectly. Today, after a moderate meal of egg drop soup and steamed potstickers (not even a binge, just a normal meal) I put my jeggings on a few hours later and they’re CUTTING INTO ME. I’m so bloated my jeans that just fit me yesterday barely wanna zip. It’s such bullshit I feel fat for eating NORMAL FOOD.

I'm really happy I found this sub
Created: Sat Oct 13 19:11:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nyz3a/im_really_happy_i_found_this_sub/
I just want to thank y'all for making this sub and let you know that it's been encouraging to read through some of the posts on here because that makes me feel like I'm not alone; and I appreciate the fact that people don't get a backlash here about their life choices.


I've been in-and-out of the binging/restricting cycle for a while now, with the ultimate goal to get to some specific measurements, which I consider to be very achievable - sure, it'd be considered very skinny but I think it's by no means skinny to the point of what society would label "unhealthy". I used to hit up multiple fitness subs, asking for advice particularly at points where I would plateau - and I'd usually give my weight/height stats and describe my eating routine. Mostly I was about to start going to the gym in addition to my diet and wanted to know the best approach to meeting my goals. However, whenever I'd make a thread on any of those subs, the only response I would get is essentially "ermagherd your BMI is below 18.5!!! You must be deathly underweight but you just don't know about it - here, I'm a couch internet expert, let me give you some advice: eat more so you can be fat like me and I can feel better about myself!" like no Karen, my diet was very reasonable considering that I had a very sedentary lifestyle, and nobody died from eating 1200 cals. Also being under 18.5 BMI means jack shit because what matters is how you look, and I definitely didn't look the way I wanted to. Also people forget muscle weighs more than fat, so low BMI can be due to lack of muscle mass but you can still have stubborn fat.


Anyways, point is - in many of the posts on here people spill out their souls to you guys and some of the stories have really resonated and it's great that there's a place on Reddit where people can just do that and not be judged with their questions be completely ignored. That is all.

Absolutely worth it
Created: Sat Oct 13 19:08:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nyydv/absolutely_worth_it/

Baking for self control?
Created: Sat Oct 13 19:05:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nyxka/baking_for_self_control/
Am I the only person that bakes a lot to gain more self control around certain foods? I usually have different phases where I go crazy making different types of foods (cookies, cakes, etc) and even if I go over my daily calorie limit, I feel like in the long run, it’s worth it because I don’t find myself having difficulties refusing desserts. Is that just a me thing?

[Help] Looking for some advice around family...
Created: Sat Oct 13 18:54:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nyv1a/looking_for_some_advice_around_family/
Hey all, just in need of some quick advice. My family is constantly giving me more food than I would ever want to eat, and they get very suspicious if I don’t eat it, or leave halfway through the meal. I don’t want to tell them about my ED because that would just make it worse (they’re the “why don’t anorexic people just eat more” types). I understand I need to eat to survive, but I’d just like to eat less. Honestly, I hurt myself way more trying to purge or overexercise the food off than I would if they let me just eat what I wanted. Any tips?

Visiting my skinny Japanese family over thanksgiving :/
/u/peacecorpsquestion3 [5’6 | 115]
Created: Sat Oct 13 18:51:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nyudj/visiting_my_skinny_japanese_family_over/
My goal is to be 110 by then. I’m stuck in such a horrible binge cycle though. Wish me luck- I’ll have to consistently stick to like 1000 or less a day :/ (my flair is old btw I’ve gained like 7 lbs)

self control
Created: Sat Oct 13 18:38:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nyrf8/self_control/

[Tip] Fitbit keeps me accountable
/u/patbumbum [5'6 | PIG| UGW |94| F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 18:37:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nyr60/fitbit_keeps_me_accountable/

[Rant/Rave] Lactose
Created: Sat Oct 13 18:10:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nykti/lactose/
So I’ve recently discovered that I’m lactose intolerant... meaning a very high majority of what I used to eat is off the table unless I want to be in pain for ages after— I don’t think even I am that self destructive !! I couldn’t be more chuffed :)

[Other] I think I’m depressed again...
Created: Sat Oct 13 17:56:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nyhgh/i_think_im_depressed_again/
I’ve completely lost my appetite. I’ve been productive but I also just feel like shit, I wanna cry and I feel so emotionless I guess? Like I can’t connect with anyone. They’re inside a bubble that I can’t enter. I also feel like I can’t speak or open my mouth (I obviously can, but something is telling me no).

At first I just kinda thought I wasn’t hungry so I started a fast, but I don’t want anything in my mouth/stomach, no gum or drinks. I am staying hydrated, but still. I don’t know what set this off, I almost like it because maybe I’ll finally get to my goal weight. Not eating is better than a binge cycle (which I was just trapped in).

I’ve never experienced loss of appetite with depression, I had bed. I guess the tables flipped now. I tried buying some low-cal food while at the store for after my fast but I couldn’t bring myself to doing that, I knew I’d want to eat them but I also feel like I can’t.

Returning to ed
Created: Sat Oct 13 17:27:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nyahc/returning_to_ed/
Hi everyone. I've had a few years of anorexia, a few years of "recovery" which was basically just overeating with supervision. Now I've started working out at the gym - I do a bit of cardio and then lift weights. I don't eat any meat but I do love alcohol. Just wanting to introduce myself basically, and hopefully get some support from like minded people.

[Help] Does anyone else get tongue cramps/pain?
/u/aliswho [5'10.5 | CW: 127.1lbs | GW: 91lbs | 16F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 17:25:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ny9y3/does_anyone_else_get_tongue_crampspain/
Say if I fast, then eat something ex. an apple or gum, my tongue hurts sooo much on one side (usually the right). Anyone else?! It hurts so bad I won't be able to eat until it calms down.

Out of control when drunk
Created: Sat Oct 13 17:16:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ny7th/out_of_control_when_drunk/
Does anyone else completely lose control after alcohol? Like I will eat perfectly for such a long time but as soon as I drink it's like all the cravings hit at once. There's no way to stop this though

[Tip] i finally found a good low cal soup recipe!
Created: Sat Oct 13 17:15:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ny7ol/i_finally_found_a_good_low_cal_soup_recipe/
oceans halo pho broth: 1 cup = 10 calories
wel-pac egg white noodles: 1 ounce = 90 calories
sriracha sauce if you like for spice: 0 calories
hard boiled egg if you want: 1 large egg = 78 calories

the noodles expand a lot and i never drink the broth, its mainly just to keep the noodles warm with some flavor. the ingredients are pretty cheap too!

without the egg it’s 90-100 calories and with the egg it’s 168-178 calories!

[Discussion] Those of you that have supportive SOs, how did you talk to them about what they should and shouldn’t do?
/u/malificentbeauty [5'2.5 | SW 150 | GW 110 | -9 | 21F ]
Created: Sat Oct 13 17:14:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ny78i/those_of_you_that_have_supportive_sos_how_did_you/
So my boyfriend knows about my ED, but he has always seemed to get a little uncomfortable when I share a lot about it. Like talking about how I used to purge and how low my weight was at one point, I can tell it either grossed him out or he doesn’t know what to say or something. And then today I saw a really funny meme over on r/proEDmemes and I asked him before I sent it, can I send you this meme about ED stuff and he said yeah. So I sent it and said I was happy that I have these communities to help me not feel so alone, so I probably won’t tell the therapist about them that I’m about to go see or else they might make me stop. And he said well I think you should take their advice and not hide it and idk that’s not what I wanted to hear. He just doesn’t know how to react to me talking about ED stuff.

Those of you who are open about it with your SO, how did you get to that point and how can I talk about this more openly with my bf?

[Discussion] Family and weight loss
Created: Sat Oct 13 17:06:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ny552/family_and_weight_loss/
A huge reason behind my ED is my family and the constant talk of weightloss and diets. Every Sunday we go to my papas house for lunch and bow since nearly everyone on my moms side is on diets its salads and fruit all around. Sometimes we have "normal food" but my aunt wont eat it because she is paleo she eats something else. Anyway, after the whole discussion of weightloss and diets I felt pressured to lose weight and my family got very worried. Ive lost 30 LBS in the past 2 years, which isnt bad but in only 13. I remeber the look on my doctors face when she saw my growth and weight chart and was surprised at how tall I had gotten and how much weight I loss. I weny from being 146 LB to 117 LB from being 11-13 years old.

[Rant/Rave] Is it bad that i want to be skinner than my girlfriend
Created: Sat Oct 13 17:03:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ny4ew/is_it_bad_that_i_want_to_be_skinner_than_my/
Long story short my gf is 5"10' and only hit 100 pounds 3 years ago and she is around 110-120 pounds now. when ever I'm with her all I can think about is how disgustingly big I am next to her, and I always compare myself to her. I feel like one day she's just going to leave me for my weight and ughhhh. I'm a mess.

Perfection while flying
/u/lunasouseiseki [180cm | 77kg | 23.8 | -10kg | F:snoo_shrug:]
Created: Sat Oct 13 16:58:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ny2zr/perfection_while_flying/
I just watched a plane full of air hostesses do a 12 hour flight looking perfect. These women were such goals. Their uniforms were so tight. Each and every one of them must have been an Australian size 8 or smaller. Hair and make up on point. Meanwhile I'm scoffing down as much free muffins and apple juice as I can. They always had a smile. Always had a kind word.

I get that it's their job. I understand that they get paid to be and look perfect, but when you're also seeking perfection and see people do it so flawlessly it's such a wake up call.

I'm definitely not doing enough. I need to see perfection as my job. I need to be so effortlessly beautiful that people stare at me in awe and wonder.

Measured my waist wrong and nearly lost it... fml
/u/Ineedthinspo [5'6 | 146 | 23.6 | -45 | ]
Created: Sat Oct 13 16:57:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ny2uo/measured_my_waist_wrong_and_nearly_lost_it_fml/
So I was trying to figure out what size clothes to order online, and I'm sure y'all know the struggle trying to figure out if you should wait until UGW or not, but anyways I was a size 12 in January and since then I'm down 50lbs.

Well online size 12 is a 32-34" waist according to the size chart, and my dumb self measured wrong and thought that I still had a 33" waist. Guys, I about lost it. Like who loses 50lbs and their waist stays exactly the same??!

Turns out my waist was 28" and I don't know how to measure. 😱

So now my only dilemma is whether to wait to buy clothes or not since my goal is 22". :/

[Other] why the fuck am i crying over apple cider
/u/duskedfur [5'7" | CW: 100 | 15.6 | UGW: 95 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 16:44:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nxzkz/why_the_fuck_am_i_crying_over_apple_cider/
so trader joe’s has this FUCKIN INCREDIBLE spiced cider that they sell every year when fall rolls around. it’s been a tradition for my dad and i to buy jugs of it as soon as we can- the nearest trader joe’s is 45 minutes away so it’s kind of a special occasion thing for us to go. i got some a few weeks ago when i was visiting him because he wanted to go and get it, but when i went back, i “accidentally” left the unopened jug at his house. i have a lot of ED rules, but my absolute most important rule is that i don’t drink anything that has calories. even in the middle of a massive binge i won’t make it worse by drinking full sugar soda or a milkshake or anything like that. i’m visiting again and the jug is sitting in the fridge, still unopened, and i’m legitimately crying over it. i used to love that cider and crave it year round and enjoy every drop, but now all i see are empty calories instead of a treat that reminds me of my favorite season. i want my fucking life back.

lunches for the week :) what’s your favorite bar?
Created: Sat Oct 13 16:14:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nxrsb/lunches_for_the_week_whats_your_favorite_bar/

My ED is awful but it also gives me peace.
/u/Evelyght [5'4" | 59.5kg | 23.1 | -11kg | F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 16:10:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nxqmo/my_ed_is_awful_but_it_also_gives_me_peace/
Not sure if anyone else feels this, but sometimes, my ED is all I have. At the moment, it's all I have left. I'm 32. I have a good job. I have a PhD and I'm a full-time permanent university lecturer (in psychology because of course), and I have have books and work - not a lot else. But in the last three weeks, I have broken up with my BF (who is the only bf or gf I've had), it was my dead mother's birthday, my best friend and mentor at work announced he was leaving, my brother and sister-in-law had yet another miscarriage, my work imploded yet further because I've been given a SHED load of more responsibility (for no extra pay - just more blame to see if I can "cut it") and we've had floods, corrupted timetables, staff illnesses that need classes covering, no personal tutor hours that need sorting, assessment boards re-scheduled and feuds between colleagues), I've slept on average 1/5 hours a night (hi insomnia, my old friend), and a weird person who knows a group of friends of mine who I don't want to insult and who also know my...ex invite himself to stay at my flat and - when I didn't want to sleep in my bed because there was a strange, uninvited boy there, he towered over me totally starkers at 4:30 am while I was trig to sleep on my yoga mat on the living rom floor. And he wouldn't leave the next day until I lied and said I had to go to the library. I also had to run my first half-marathon, write a bunch of lectures and I'm on a cyclothymic downer that I've stopped taking meds for. I don't think I'm okay, really.

All of this madness and stuff happening that I pretend I have a handle on but don't - my ED is what I have. My ED is rules and certainty and absolute and calming and predicable and numbing and holy heck. Over everything else, I'm \*craving\* the normality that I get from my ED. I can't even explain how much I long for it. It's sure and there and ever present and I need an anchor. It might absolutely send me spiralling again, but for the moment, the anchor is all I need. Please tell me I'm not alone here.

[Rant/Rave] My bank account told me how much I’d spent on food...
Created: Sat Oct 13 16:03:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nxop1/my_bank_account_told_me_how_much_id_spent_on_food/
I’m so ashamed. And so angry at myself because it was mostly for b/p or c/s and what a fucking waste. I could have used that money for important things. I’m so broke and struggling right now and I literally flushed over $1000 straight down the toilet.

[Rant/Rave] I just B/Ped for the first time in five years.
/u/malificentbeauty [5'2.5 | SW 150 | GW 110 | -9 | 21F ]
Created: Sat Oct 13 16:01:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nxo9m/i_just_bped_for_the_first_time_in_five_years/
I binged a fuckton at my university dining court, and it just felt like everyone’s eyes were on me and everyone was noticing how much I was eating and I could feel how fat I am and then I left and went right to the bathroom outside of the food court and tried to get myself to throw it all up and I couldn’t. It just wouldn’t all come up. I got some of it out but the rest is still there and it’s freaking me out and I just feel so gross. I’m disgusting. I failed at eating normal, I failed at restricting, I failed at purging. God dammit.

When someone figures out that I go to the gym.
Created: Sat Oct 13 15:59:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nxnkn/when_someone_figures_out_that_i_go_to_the_gym/

[Other] my purse is a literal ED starter pack: diet pepsi, gum, laxatives, bronkaid, and adderall.
/u/happybumblebree [✨🍭 27F | 17.9 💖✨]
Created: Sat Oct 13 15:44:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nxjtq/my_purse_is_a_literal_ed_starter_pack_diet_pepsi/

[Rant/Rave] Exercise is hard
Created: Sat Oct 13 15:41:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nxiuf/exercise_is_hard/
Just a self pity rant. I finally got up the nerve/motivation to start a couch to 5k app workout. Basically timed intervals of walk and jog 3 times a week to work you up into being able to jog uninterrupted for 20-30 minutes. I couldn’t even finish the first day’s 30 minute workout... i’m such a fat piece of shit

Now, the last time i went on a health bender i ate 1500 or less calories and went to the gym 5 days a week for 2-4 hours at a time. Other women would marvel at my strength (once a week a little lady would use a weight machine after me and remark “oh my gosh! You actually had the weights set to that? I can’t even move that!”) cardio has always been a challenge but i could knock out 2 miles in 30 minutes and then hit the elliptical for an hour... but all of that never made a dent in my weight and shape (i’ve decided i’m cursed. I can be healthy but never “fit”) So now I’m hard core angry restricting... barely lost 10 pounds, feel weak as shit, and when i want to add exercise to try to push my body more i feel like i’m gonna pass out! God damn it i hate it but at the same time this is the only thing that fucking changes my weight! So bring it on body! Fight all you want but you’re gonna do what i want damn it!

Ok... i kinda motivated myself again 😆

[Rant/Rave] I’m almost under 10 stone and I’m so happy
/u/SkinnyAgain259 [Height 5’7”| CW 155lbs | BMI 24.2 | Weight Lost 5lbs | Gender F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 15:40:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nxint/im_almost_under_10_stone_and_im_so_happy/
Today I weighed 10st 0.8lbs so 140.8lbs and I’m finally almost under it.
Before any of this disordered eating happened I would always hover at 9st 3lbs (129), that was always my weight and most people considered me slim. Of course I’ll never feel satisfied, I never felt slim then but hey, I’m one step closer to a weight I felt alright at for years.

I’m slightly annoyed because if I would have started and kept to it sooner I’d already be at my GW by now, but after almost a year at over 140lbs I’m just gonna take what I can get. I’ve been restricting at less than 1000 for the past few weeks and it feels easy to do it for the time being. I can’t wait to be considered skinny again, to fit into my old clothes and to feel like I can actually leave my house.

I haven’t had a night out with friends for ages, I feel to disgusting to dress up and when I was at my lowest (108-112ish) I always used to love getting dressed up and going out. I must sound so vein.

I’m just so happy it’s getting closer, I know I’ll never be happy with myself but for now thinking that my life will magically get better once I reach that number is what’s driving me.

I’m half tipsy so sorry if this makes no sense, thanks for listening

Just in time for Halloween, I give you anorexic Japanese ghost lady! 👻
/u/UnderseaK [5'7 |cw:145lbs |BMI 22.7 | gw:110lbs]
Created: Sat Oct 13 15:39:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nxidm/just_in_time_for_halloween_i_give_you_anorexic/
So, TIL about the [yuki-onna](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yuki-onna), a type of Japanese ghost. I am pretty sure this ghost chick is anorexic. Most likely a 2006 pro-ana who read Wintergirls too much.

The Yuki-Onna:

- Is inhumanly cold

- Is so pale as to be nearly transparent

- Walks in the snow without leaving footprints (oh lawd the cliche)

- Walks around asking for tea

- Carries mirrors around with her

So yeah, I read all that and thought you all might get a kick out of it. If this disease kills me, I’m for sure coming back as a yuki-onna 😂

A reminder that your day isn’t ruined because you ate over your calorie limit
/u/peacecorpsquestion3 [5’6 | 115]
Created: Sat Oct 13 15:39:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nxib0/a_reminder_that_your_day_isnt_ruined_because_you/
Today I ate 1470 calories.

As scary as that is and as much as I hate myself right now, I’m not going to go cope by stuffing my face with stroopwafels and Oreos because fuck it, the day is ruined

Because it’s not. At 1470 calories I’m roughly 500 calories under my TDEE. I will still lose .2 lbs today. But if I say fuck it and binge, I won’t

Just a reminder that progress is progress and your day isn’t ruined if you eat too much ❤️

[Other] I binge when unhappy and don’t eat when happy
/u/Burlesqua [🌷 5'4'' | CW:108 | BMI:18 | 20/F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 15:19:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nxcys/i_binge_when_unhappy_and_dont_eat_when_happy/
I just realized this the other day. When I was at that guy’s house with whom I spent a lovely evening, I wasn’t even hungry when I woke up in the morning. Neither during the day. It’s only when I came back home, faced my mother who’s my biggest trigger that I started to stuff my face. I wish I was someone who doesn’t eat when feeling down instead of doing this shit show which is b/p..

Can someone reassure me?
Created: Sat Oct 13 15:18:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nxcqn/can_someone_reassure_me/
So I recently went from OMAD to 2MAD after a year of OMAD and I'm having anxiety that its too good to be true.

If I eat a calorie deficit in a 24 hour period I lose weight right? Say my Tdee is 2380 and I eat 600 calories at 1 am and 800 at 7pm that day but another 600 calories the next day at 1 am and so on its still 1400 calories in a 24 hour period right?

I feel like I'm cheating the system spacing out my meals this is so foreign to me.

Usually I'm good at throwing illogical eating disorder beliefs out the window but for some reason I'm actually struggling here.

Sorry for being weird

Thoughts on changing my daily calorie intake from 700 to 500.
/u/beeeleave [5’4 | 119 |20.8 | 11| female]
Created: Sat Oct 13 15:17:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nxcet/thoughts_on_changing_my_daily_calorie_intake_from/

[Help] What over the counter things can I take that reduced appetite?(other than diet pills)
Created: Sat Oct 13 14:54:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nx61n/what_over_the_counter_things_can_i_take_that/
I know about tums but what else do you take to not feel hungry

Any help would be awesome

[Rant/Rave] Hate how fragile my self esteem is
Created: Sat Oct 13 14:48:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nx4k7/hate_how_fragile_my_self_esteem_is/
Most days I wear tshirts and pants and plain black sneakers because I really hate my body and I would just rather go unnoticed. Today that changed because I wanted to feel attractive for once. I put on a black pencil skirt and this low cut, long sleeve, velvet top. I thought I looked cute. I was planning on going out with my boyfriend to get a pumpkin and he didn't comment on my appearance except to say "um you should probably change you're going to be cold"
I literally wanted to explode right then and there. He's the one who says that he wishes I dressed nicer and more feminine so he could show me off and then the one time I do, he...tells me to change??? It's just that this is like the third time I've dressed up to appeal to him and he either says "Why are you dressed like that?" Or "Put something else on you'll be cold."
It really messes with my head.
I can't fucking win. In my head I'm saying to him "yeah its alright can you just cut the shit and tell me I'm a fat piece of shit and you would rather I hide in baggy clothes? Thanks"

Needless to say. I changed out of my clothes and I'm not going to go get a pumpkin because I'm awful and vain and this simple comment destroyed any positive feeling I had for a second about my self image. (:
That's all folks.

hey do you guys feel like youre not a real person
Created: Sat Oct 13 14:24:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nwy4d/hey_do_you_guys_feel_like_youre_not_a_real_person/
like i feel like because of my weight im not a normal, regular person like everyone else becUse my weight is the first thing that you notice about me and i feel like im not a person, but a Fat Person.

Purposely triggering allergies?
Created: Sat Oct 13 14:14:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nwvi6/purposely_triggering_allergies/
So on days where I overeat/binge I will purposely drink milk (I’m really sensitive to dairy) and it gives me really bad stomach aches/diarrhea. I was wondering if anyone else did that?

My bottom drawer got stuck and I just stuck my forearm through the hole and moved things around until it opened! Can’t bring myself to step on a scale so lil moments like this keep me going :)
Created: Sat Oct 13 14:10:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nwucq/my_bottom_drawer_got_stuck_and_i_just_stuck_my/

[Rant/Rave] My vacation sucked
/u/Lilith-Rising [5'7'' (170cm)|F|CW:158|GW:130]
Created: Sat Oct 13 14:00:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nwrjq/my_vacation_sucked/
The culmination of my self-esteem and eating issues were realized this week when I went to visit my best friend out of state. I was looking forward to this for months, and now I’m just relieved it’s over so I can go back to fasting and hiding away.

I was in a permanent bad mood, I know I was a bitch. Everything upset me because everything revolved around food. I probably gained 10 pounds stuffing my face, I’m so scared to step on the scale. We ate out multiple times a day because she wanted to show me places. I was so upset because I didn’t know the calorie content of anything.

And she fucking WATCHES ME while I eat at every single meal to see if I’m enjoying myself or whatever and then she’s like, “you seem upset, what’s wrong?” What’s wrong is I’m being fucking stared at while I’m eating and I’m upset because I’m eating in the first place and absolutely gaining weight and I hate eating in front of others and now I’m under the microscope?? I’m not even kidding I wanted to cry at every meal because I just wanted to be left alone! She thought I was being funny or over dramatic but I was genuinely upset and stressed.

To make it worse I brought clothes I was comfortable in. She’s a fucking size 4 and harassed me EVERY DAY about trying on her clothes, which triggered anxiety every time because I knew I couldn’t fit into them. “Oh you’d fit!” She’s going to be a fucking Doctor so she ain’t dumb but she didn’t get it, I’m 30lbs heavier!!! And all she had was short short jean shorts and the one thing I found that fit me she said she was embarrassed to be seen with me in because they’re “pajamas.” They were Nike running shorts and the only thing stretchy enough to fit. I was so embarrassed and upset.

Do you know how bizarre it is to be prompted about it multiple times a day? I felt absolutely awful and bloated about myself the entire time and to be constantly reminded about how I won’t fit into these clothes was terrifying, I don’t know what other word to use! I was an anxious mess and I resent her for it and I feel awful that I do. But I asked her multiple times to just fucking stop and she wouldn’t? She didn’t get why it was upsetting and repeatedly asked if I had tried on her clothes!

Thanks for reading if you got this far. I’m conflicted because I feel like while I do have issues, she was fucking relentless and I don’t blame myself for being upset. If I didn’t know better I would think she’s triggering me on purpose. Who does that?? I’m sitting in the airport and fucking RELIEVED to go home. My biggest take away is that I should have just lost more weight before the trip because if I could have fitted into those size 4 clothes I wouldn’t have been a bitching mess. I hope you all had a better week.

[Discussion] anyone else obsessed with @celebface ??
/u/loud-places [5'2" | CW: 112 | 20.1 | GW: 107 | -13 | 22F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 13:57:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nwquj/anyone_else_obsessed_with_celebface/

It basically shows photoshop before and afters for celebs photos (e.g. red carpet vs. what they posted on instagram) and it's WHACK. They take inches off their waist. Make themselves curvier. Change the shape of their face (?)

Not only does it show us how our thinspo is based on bodies that don't exist, but it shows how severe body dysmorphia is in the modelling and celebrity community. Bittersweet.

Does it lower my body dysmorphia? No, but it makes me feel a little less guilty about never being able to achieve that waist to hip ratio.

(fyi the account is private because a lot of celebrities try to block and report it but you'll get accepted soon)

(([here's an article about it with some examples](http://www.dazeddigital.com/fashion/article/40711/1/celebface-instagram-celebrity-photoshop-before-and-after-airbrushing-revealed), but there are much better ones on the account))

[Help] Please consider this my official cry for help
Created: Sat Oct 13 13:50:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nwown/please_consider_this_my_official_cry_for_help/

[Goal] I want to weigh as much as my skinny best friend.
/u/wispybubble [5’10 | 16F | 158 | 22.38 | -24lbs]
Created: Sat Oct 13 13:36:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nwkwa/i_want_to_weigh_as_much_as_my_skinny_best_friend/
Yes she’s half a foot shorter than me. But my boyfriend can easily pick her up because she “weighs nothing” and I want him to be able to lift me like that.

I know BMI wise I’m only 5lbs away from being the same as her, but I feel fatter. I want to be short and dainty, but until they have height reduction technology i’m going to have to settle.

[Rant/Rave] I got drunk and didn't binge??
/u/jmiles00 [5'2 | 144.8 CW| 26.5 BMI | ftm]
Created: Sat Oct 13 13:30:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nwj5z/i_got_drunk_and_didnt_binge/
My typical cycle is to fast all day until like 8 pm and then binge on absolutely everything in sight.
Yesterday I had a fairly "normal" meal- 2 small slices of pizza and some veggies around 4 and was planning on that being all until an impromptu hang led me to 2 soft tacos and a lot of liquor.
I was actively planning on buying one of everything from my vending machine when I got home but instead I got a single candy bar and a pack of crackers.
I know this all totals up to a lot of calories but I was so sure I would have doubled or tripled it with a b/p sesh (and I woke up a lb lighter so hey I'm celebrating the small victory)

[Rant/Rave] Losing interests
Created: Sat Oct 13 13:29:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nwit1/losing_interests/
Mainly because my weight is brought up every 5 minutes. I'm a gamer and somehow some way i get out down for it. "No wonder you're so big and you look old" I can't eat one cookie "You know diabetes runs in the family." I can't put anything in my mouth without feeling horrible afterwards. I'm not a size 2. I'm not thin like everyone else here and at work. I'm not someone to date or want to look at anyway. I know. I don't need to be reminded. I still play videogames but no one knows that keeps me from binging not gaining weight. No I don't excercise much but I do walk alot. It's not coming off overnight I mean damn. And when someone knows I'm trying to eat better or not at all, food gets shoved in my face like oh you'll eat it anyway. I'm too big for this shit.

[Rant/Rave] New low of the week
/u/Marca19 [5"0.5 | 101lbs | BMI 19.4| FTM]
Created: Sat Oct 13 13:21:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nwgpz/new_low_of_the_week/
> carefully budget for homemade pierogi
> spend hours making the filling and dough
> have an existential crisis while attempting to fill the dumplings
> begin to cry and throw the dough in the trash
> binge on biscuits
> contemplate jumping out of a window, purge and leave the house to buy a bathroom scale at 8:30pm

Guys, I'm so tired of my own bullshit.

[Rant/Rave] I hate the way relationships affect me and my self worth
Created: Sat Oct 13 13:06:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nwc4d/i_hate_the_way_relationships_affect_me_and_my/
Just got fucked over AGAIN by a guy I really really liked. He told me he really liked me a lot too but something just wasn't there in the sex. Obviously that just means he's not sexually attracted to me, so I guess it's time to starve and exercise until I'm worthy of peoples' respect.

[Help] Tendon pop?
Created: Sat Oct 13 13:05:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nwbvg/tendon_pop/
So I know it's not exactly ED related, but I feel like everyone here is really supportive...

I've been rearranging furniture around my apartment by myself all day and it's really heavy (yay workout). While moving a recliner I heard/felt a pop in my achilles tendon area. This has happened a couple times before while stretching, and I tend to put more pressure on that foot because my other ankle is messed up from lightly spraining it while jogging a couple years ago and not properly treating it.

It's a little tense but not super painful, but now that I don't have health insurance (and my hypochondriac ass went to Dr. Google who told me I ruptured/tore my tendon and it's super damaging w/o medical treatment) I'm really freaked out that I did serious damage. I iced it and am now heating it but I feel like I might be making it worse or the sensations are making me feel it more...idek but I'm panicking real bad. I can't afford to not be able to walk because of an injury and I can't afford surgery.

Can someone please tell me it's fine?? I feel like I'm going to explode with anxiety. At least this is distracting me from thinking about food I guess.

have you ever looked at a picture of yourself pre-ED and got embarrassed for how you used to look?
Created: Sat Oct 13 12:51:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nw7gi/have_you_ever_looked_at_a_picture_of_yourself/
an old friend from high school still has a picture of us up on twitter from like 30 pounds ago and maybe it should make me feel good.... but i just feel so gross and embarrassed that i looked like that. i feel like i look a lot different from then but also maybe i don’t. maybe it’s all in my head. i’m also just so embarrassed that i ever let myself be that fat. and that everyone from high school knows me as that, when i (i hope? god i hope) look very different now. aaaa the feelings are so conflicting

[Rant/Rave] Sad because I attempted recovery and I just got fatter. :(
/u/Izzy570 [5’4| CW 111lb | BMI 18.5 | GW 90lb | LW 94lb | F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 12:46:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nw5sv/sad_because_i_attempted_recovery_and_i_just_got/
Gonna tw this because weight and calories ect ect


Ok so 2014 I was about 120lbs and I dropped to 95 in around 6 months or so and then spend the next few years going between 98-105.

This year I thought I was sick of the cycle of ‘normal’ eating and then panicking once I reached a certain weight and losing it again. Tbh I never really binged or anything although at the beginning I did purge but it started to give me nose bleeds so I had to stop.

So I started around 108 and went to the gym and weight trained, was told to eat 500 extra calories a day. Tbh I did not know about lean bulking or anything so ofc I gained weight v fast like 4 pounds first month and then it stopped my metabolism got really fast?? Like I was eating 3k a day (this sucked, rip stomach, I felt greedy af) and gaining barely anything but I stuck at it and got to 115. Then I panicked, I got a tiny bit stronger but my body just looked fatter. Not any of this ‘weight training makes you thinner ignore the scale!!!’ :( not for me and same with measurements so it isn’t a body dysmorphia thing.

So now I’m in full relapse as of last week and fatter than ever.


[Rant/Rave] so i hate what i look like
Created: Sat Oct 13 12:46:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nw5r8/so_i_hate_what_i_look_like/
i’m too skinny yet i’m too fat and i got very drunk last night and i realized i look just... awful.

i look fucking sick. i feel sick. i have no energy i’m cold and i’m miserable to be around.

i’m sick of chewing and spitting i’m sick of taking melatonin to sleep through hunger pains.

i’m so tired of this. but i can’t stop. i told myself last night i was going to stop- but my ass was drunk as fuck. i woke up at 118.9lbs after my run aka my lowest weight soooooo

[Help] Help. Please. I am actually desperate
Created: Sat Oct 13 12:42:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nw4k5/help_please_i_am_actually_desperate/
Current Height: 5'5
Current Weight: 116.5lbs
Goal Weight: 110lbs
Under-Goal Weight: 98-100lbs
Current BMI: 19.4
Goal BMI: 18.3 (110lbs)
16.0 (98lbs) - 16.6 (100lbs)

(I like stats, if you couldn't tell)

I currently go to a clinic for eating disorders, eat >700cal there, and try to eat as little as possible once I get home. I have been "making" (and by that, I mean making it for my mother and... me... then disposing mine in the garbage disposal before she gets home and saying that I had already eaten since I was "so hungry") and am leaving said clinic Thursday, going back to school the week after, after not being there for 3 weeks due to the treatment.

The real problem, is that I don't want to let go of my "eating disorder", I had just started losing a lot of weight after a long plateau, and was losing 0.5lbs a day.

I don't want to get better.
I want to continue to lose weight and restrict as much as possible.
I don't know how to trick everyone into thinking that I am fine, other than trying harder at school, to the point of running on fumes since I can't think straight if I don't eat.

My mother is the worst. She signed me up for the treatment after worrying about me and my "thoughts", I had blood work and an EKG done, perfectly normal, especially since I had lost 20lbs in 2 months, which is healthy (even though my BMI was already at a healthy range - 23.3). She will definitely make sure that I eat regularly, and not just dinner. If I refuse to, Residential is the way to go then.

I am under so much stress...
I don't know what to do...
I don't want to eat or get better. How do I possibly trick these dumbasses (read: people) into believing me when I say that I had something to eat or already ate?

I don't want to gain any more, I actually want to die so much. I hate my family, my life, my body. When people tell me "it could be worse", THAT DOESNT FUCKING MAKE ME FEEL BETTER. It makes me feel worse than anything...

I'm too fat for anything anymore. I miss my isolation and sadness, and this clinic shit is stressing me out to the MAX. My hair is falling out from the amount of anger and stress I am in, and it's not from not eating, but stress... undeniable, terrible, frustrating stress. The most I have experienced in my life, if anything.

But please, some advice is appreciated. I need to know someone's input who has probably gone through the same situation, but if you haven't, ideas are always welcomed.

Thank you.

[Help] Talk me out of this b/p please
Created: Sat Oct 13 12:41:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nw4bx/talk_me_out_of_this_bp_please/
Giving you the short version as I'm really on the verge of leaving for the store to buy tons of ice cream.

I'm just under 1,200 (my max amount) but the thing is that after dinner I had some fruit. So even though I'm still within my goal amount, it feels like a failure to me, eating anything after dinner always does to me.

So at this point I want to go buy garbage I'm craving, eat until it hurts then purge everything. It just seems easier and I'll probably lose doing that as I pretty much always get a lot of what I ate in the past 4-5 hours out with it, sometimes even lunch and breakfast. So total absorbed kcal will probably be lower if I *do* bp.

Please convince me otherwise.

Why am I dizzy all the time?
Created: Sat Oct 13 12:36:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nw2kj/why_am_i_dizzy_all_the_time/
Could mods flair this as help please? I'm on mobile

Recently, no matter how much Healthy foods I eat, I'm dizzy all the time. I have eaten around 1500 cals and had TDEE of around 2200 for the past week or so. I eat fruit or veg at every meal, some healthy fats, and a source of protein. I even started drinking Silk Soymilk for some calcium and protein after workouts. But I'm still dizzy all the time? Not headrush and blacking out, just feeling like I could fall over at any point.

Any ideas what the cause could be? Pls help

[Discussion] Thoughts on reaching my UGW
/u/theleftoveryou [5'5'' | 94.8 | 16.0 | GW 95??? | 24F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 12:35:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nw2ax/thoughts_on_reaching_my_ugw/
Weighed in at 94.8 this morning. My UGW was 95.

Here are the thoughts that I had. Spoiler alert: they're not the ones I imagined I would have on this day.

1. Doesn't count. I didn't have much to eat yesterday and I'm a bit dehydrated. Won't count until I weigh 95 with maintenance levels of food in me.

2. Won't count until I weigh 95 in the evening.

3. Won't count until I weigh 95 with clothes on.

4. Hmm, 95 is exactly a 16.0 BMI at my height. That doesn't qualify as "severe" anorexia yet. I feel pretty severe. Better lose some more. Won't count until I weigh 92, which is a 15.5 BMI.

5. No one in my life has noticed. I thought I was pretty skinny, but I guess no one else thinks I'm skinny. Won't count until other people think I'm skinny.

6. This is so hard. My work has suffered, my health has suffered. What was even the point? Won't count until I *look* like I've suffered, too.

7. Doesn't count yet. Doesn't count yet. Here are 100 more reasons why it doesn't count yet.

8. If a girl weighs 95 pounds and no one sees, did she really starve herself?

I had a binge
Created: Sat Oct 13 12:32:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nw1lz/i_had_a_binge/
I was only one pound away from my goal
I hate myself
I’m gonna sleep the rest of the day and then restart

[Rant/Rave] I'm living for this cold
/u/whitechocolateonly [5'8.5 | CW: 127 & BMI: 18.75 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 12:11:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nvugo/im_living_for_this_cold/
1. The only time of year I'm fashionable because I can wear black all the time and hide my body behind sweaters
2. I don't know why but it is SO much easier for me to just straight up fast now that its cold. I have no desire to be in the kitchen or eat anything. It's amazing.
3. Depression? I still know her but at least its not summer where I just want to die nearly every day
4. I can finally indulge in my kink: being a skinny bitch who complains about how cold she is all the time

I love fall and winter!!

Looking to support people/fat shame whatever they need
Created: Sat Oct 13 10:53:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nv85h/looking_to_support_peoplefat_shame_whatever_they/
Hey everyone I am looking to help people hit there gw. I can be really nice and supportive if that’s what you need or a complete arse and fat shame you all day long if it helps send me a message if your interested.

Having to break a fast
/u/sil863 [5'4 | CW 125.2| HW 163 | F22]
Created: Sat Oct 13 10:50:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nv7f9/having_to_break_a_fast/
Ughhhhh sorry but can I just vent for a sec? I had a 72 hour fast planned and was doing so well 40 hours in. Got down to the lowest weight I've been in years. But then ofc family decided to visit and I have to go out to lunch with everyone. They've already voiced concerns about me losing weight and I don't want to raise even more suspicion so I have to eat (and like really eat, not just nibble at a salad). Asdfghjkl why can't I just be normal? Please tell me I'm not the only one who gets pissed when their entire eating plan has been derailed.

[Help] Decided to weigh myself after having pho for dinner, racing to the gym.
/u/lilmisssuccubus [159cm | CW: 53.2kg |BMI: 21 | GW: 46.7kg | -27kg | 26F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 10:49:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nv736/decided_to_weigh_myself_after_having_pho_for/
Went up 1.2 pounds despite being under my BMR. Hoping to sweat off the water weight and get a whoosh. Freaking out right now.

Is there anything else I can do to debloat?

[Rant/Rave] Wearing leggings under pants- a blessing and a curse.
/u/ghostlythin [61.25” | CW 98.4 | BMI 18.4]
Created: Sat Oct 13 10:24:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nuzwt/wearing_leggings_under_pants_a_blessing_and_a/
So this is exactly why I wish I had lost a bit more weight before autumn- it is COLD here in NY, and combine that with the coldness os restricting, and I am freeezing. So I wore leggings to work today, under my pants, and those make me feel a bit better- but it makes me look wider 🙃 this is at least motivation to restrict more, at least. Oops.

Collar bones starting to show
Created: Sat Oct 13 09:47:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nupn9/collar_bones_starting_to_show/

[Rant/Rave] I ate real food!!!!
Created: Sat Oct 13 09:37:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9numu3/i_ate_real_food/
For the first time in 2.5 weeks I ate normally! (Not just pickles, olives and artificial sugar!) I had an omelette with veggies and hash browns and a cup of hot tea with WHOLE MILK. I am so happy! Still pretty healthy, not super high calorie, and I didn’t even binge! Wooooooo! I know 2.5 weeks isn’t even that long, but y’all know how it goes... I was starting to get worried that I wouldn’t be able to get myself to eat again for a long time.

[Rant]I don't want to feel unworthy anymore
Created: Sat Oct 13 09:27:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nukcy/ranti_dont_want_to_feel_unworthy_anymore/
I hate feeling ugly and unworthy of love. I ended a brief relationship with a guy because I didn't feel like I was good enough due to my weight. Now I see him in our friend group and compare myself to every girl he talks to. I just want to reach my goal weight already and show that I'm good enough.

I'm restricting so hard and it DOESN'T FEEL FAST ENOUGH. I want to reach my goal weight already. I'm sick of seeing him everywhere and my anxiety getting the best of me. I can't stop being preoccupied with him, the girls around him, my weight, and when will I ever be skinny enough

[Help] Muscle weight question
/u/lilmdjd [5’3 | CW: 130 | BMI: 23 | LW: 94| - 17| 23F ]
Created: Sat Oct 13 09:04:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nue2o/muscle_weight_question/
So the last time I was my current weight (130 😭) I remember being much bigger.... I didn’t have wrist bones or collar bones or slightly visible hip bones or ab definition. I have a little of all of that right now. When I weight restored I do feel like I gained the weight in a diff body shape? (More hourglass, I never had ANY ass before). I also started exercising much more regularly since then. I do HIIT sprints 3-4 times a week, and I go to power yoga 5 times a week. I definitely have more muscle tone but idk.... I don’t feel like t could be THAT much? How much muscle can a person gain? Could it be 5 lbs? IDK I just don’t believe it bc I’m worried my brain is trying to trick me into not losing any more weight.

[Help] Too self conscious to leave apartment, no fashion sense, How to dress for winter? (Please help)
/u/PineapplePrincezz [Height: 5'3" | CW 110 and fat AF| BMI: skyhigh |LW: 81.5| Femur]
Created: Sat Oct 13 09:00:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nucvk/too_self_conscious_to_leave_apartment_no_fashion/
I am really nervous to post this because i think it sounds like a very simple question, but i really have no sense of how to dress my short n stumpy body for winter, like really, and it is becoming a much more serious problem because it just got really cold where i am and i legitimately cannot find the courage to go to classes or to see friends because i can’t find anything to wear that I feel comfortable enough in.

I tried the typical leggings and baggy sweater as per usual, but i wound up crying in public bathrooms two times this week after seeing my reflection, so ashamed both of my body and from being overwhelmed by the fact that i sincerely do not know what in the world i can wear to look like i remotely respect myself.
I got some really good advice from a few friends on doing my own makeup (I’m still learning, but it’s coming along!), now I’m just stuck with clothing...
It would be very liberating to have some advice on how i can dress for the winter, i want to leave home and not run into the bathroom and tear myself to shreds. I know that a lot of you have a really keen fashion sense and i would so appreciate some advice because right now idk how I’m going to get through the winter if i can’t even make it to class without panicking and missing class to cry in the bathroom.

(Note: I have saved up money for clothing because i obviously need to change this ASAP and I’ve literally not spent money on clothing in way too long and my clothes are getting really old and worn )

[Rant/Rave] Why the fuck can’t I lose weight?!?
/u/hopeless_anon [5'5 | CW: 109 LW: 85 | 17F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 09:00:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nucvi/why_the_fuck_cant_i_lose_weight/
I’ve been at. 109 for almost 2 weeks. I hate this so much. I’ve been doing high restriction at 1200 per day or else my family drives me insane. This is so incredibly frustrating i hate it.

Logically I know I can’t still be the same weight but wtf scale!???

Starting another fast today
/u/xlilgirlpoptartx [5'7 | CW: 200 | SW: 245 | GW:135 | F/37]
Created: Sat Oct 13 08:54:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nubld/starting_another_fast_today/
Weighed in at 200.2 this morning, soooo close to under 200 that I decided I kind of want to fast til it says 199, maybe for longer, but longest fast has been 7 days but I haven’t done that in a while. I also really don’t feel hungry today which seems like a good sign that I can handle it. I’ve had a problem with my electrolytes getting dangerously low in the recent past, but I think if I keep taking all my supplements plus some broth for sodium and some kind if zero calorie Powerade I might be alright.

I just want to never see a 2 in front of the number when I get on the scale ever again.

All my clothes are falling off too but I’m really too poor to go buy anything that fits plus I’m still really far from any kind of goal so it’ll make me annoyed that I’ve spent money on things I won’t wear fir very long but I’m also pretty sure nobody wants to see my ass when my pants fall down lol. Ohh thrift stores,...we shall meet again soon lol

Ok, off to learn some new crochet pattern so I can get absorbed in that and not think about food today

Isn't fall semester fun?
Created: Sat Oct 13 08:37:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nu7am/isnt_fall_semester_fun/
I think i have realized a pattern in my behavior and I seem to start purging again every fall semester. I don't know if its due to the stress of the school or not having enough time to work out, but I will stress eat to the point of being too full :(

Here's to hoping next week is better.

[Discussion] Anyone wonder what their life will be like when they’re smaller?
Created: Sat Oct 13 08:33:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nu681/anyone_wonder_what_their_life_will_be_like_when/
When I was much heavier (200 pounds 😞😑🤮) I always wondered what 140 pound me would be like . I met that goal this year and I realized that 140 pound me still feels like/ has the same mentality that I’m not good enough/ not human yet /still fat as fuck / still self conscience to the max . That being said I keep wondering what 110 pound me will be like , what 90 pound me will be like. Those are my next body goals and I absolutely intend to get there . I guess I’m hoping I’ll finally find peace of mind when I get to my ugw . Idk. I just want to be tiny. I hate this body that I’m in so much, it’s not good enough.

[Discussion] what time of day do you weigh yourself?
Created: Sat Oct 13 08:29:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nu55o/what_time_of_day_do_you_weigh_yourself/
So everyone always says to weigh yourself in the morning before you've eaten and after you've used the bathroom. Going off of that basis, I dont do this. I weigh myself at the end of the day because I feel like it's better to know what you're weight is when you do have food in your stomach so you know what you've actually lost. Does that make sense? I use it as motivation to eat less too since I'll only weigh more when I do weigh myself. Maybe you guys should try it out too. I dont know, let me know what you think.

What even is the point!
/u/b-carbonate [5’6" | CW: 132lbs | BMI: 21.6 | 🏳️‍🌈 | 19F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 08:21:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nu34d/what_even_is_the_point/
It’s been three months I’ve relapsed and have been restricting from 0 to 900cal a day and then binge 4000cals the week end till my body hurts from it...

It’s so dumb, I end up not losing weight, I might as well eating at maintenance (like 1600 or 1700) and have the same result!
But nooooo I have to restrict till I feel cold and dead inside and then kill my belly in an hour and sometimes I can manage to purge a tiny bit but I can’t really coz I never puke, even when I’m sick!

Right now I’m just out of a 900cal Max a day for 4 days and then 3 days is just 3000cals in the end of a fasting day:...

Resulting in me feeling so bad and sluggish I hate it, I want to stop, I have to but I can’t do it anymore, I don’t know how long I can continue like this.... I’m not even bingeing as a form of self harm, I have blades for that, naaaaaah my body is just forgetting I’m not a fucking caveman and I DON’T HUNT DINOSAURS

I don't want to walk 50k steps today
/u/usernameblahhhhh [5 ft | 14.3]
Created: Sat Oct 13 08:05:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ntzdf/i_dont_want_to_walk_50k_steps_today/
I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm like some perverse, sick addict who can't live until she's gotten her fix for the day. I don't know why nothing else in my entire life matters in comparison to this. My days are controlled by this compulsion to walk, walk, walk, the gnawing anxiety and bizarre somatic symptoms I experience until the number is achieved. Suddenly, once I hit it, the anxiety built up during the entire day before dissipates, and I feel good enough to say it doesn't matter. Relaxed, calm... happy, even. Rinse and repeat the next day, this stupid, stupid loop.

A year ago I was hitting 40k a day. It was actually quite manageable and I'd like to get back to that, maybe... but I'm so convinced that if I change anything I'm going to turn into a balloon. I know I won't. Haven't weighed myself in almost six months and I know I've lost even more... my brain can't work properly anymore because it's so starved and entrenched in this routine that I seem to lack the mental capacity to even recognize that there are other things in life. Being able to evaluate my own mental degradation from this third-person perspective is so devastating because logically I know how stupid and irrational everything I do is. Yet having this perspective also makes it easy to conceal just how pathological my behavior is, and allows me to seem like a relatively normal person when in fact I've allowed my life to be reduced to arbitrary numbers, and can't understand why or how anything else could ever matter.

I'm so damn tired of this. But it "works," so I keep doing it. I've done half my steps today and I'm overwhelmed with dread and anxiety about the half that remains. I'll hit it, like I always do, but I can't shake the feeling until I get there.. I'm about to go out and do some more walking, even though I just... I don't know. I used to enjoy it more. I used to get something out of this. Now I'm just so, so tired, and sick of my own shit.

The botanical gardens are always so beautiful this time of year. Maybe it will calm my nerves a little. I'm so frustrated with myself for continuing this behavior even though I fully recognize how destructive it is. Well, some days are more frustrating than others, and I guess today is one of them.

[Discussion] Anyone feel dissatisfied with a binge?
Created: Sat Oct 13 07:22:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ntpla/anyone_feel_dissatisfied_with_a_binge/
I used to be more binge/purge, multiple times a day. But now food is just losing its charm for me. I’m more restrict/purge now. Whenever I get the urge to binge, I’ll start but everything doesn’t taste as great in my head as I thought it was going to. I fantasized about Oreos and ice cream for 10 days straight before I gave in to it. And when I did, I was just soooo fucking let down. They tasted like dirty plastic, my teeth hurt from eating them, and it was a waste of money. Oh well. At least with restricting, I don’t need to spend so much on food and panic in the store aisles anymore?

[Rant/Rave] I hate myself
Created: Sat Oct 13 07:18:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ntolq/i_hate_myself/
Ate half a pizza last night, Sunkist, and four good shots of gin. I can feel myself getting fatter.

[Rant/Rave] I want to sabotage my little sister's body?
/u/LynCross [152.5cm | BMI: 25.1| CW: 128.75 lbs |UGW: 101lbs |F ]
Created: Sat Oct 13 06:34:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ntfjj/i_want_to_sabotage_my_little_sisters_body/
I don't want to think like this..I really don't. If I didn't have weird eating habits I wouldn't be wondering if my sister has disordered eating too. She's young, 11. She had a good body, the toned and slim kind because she took gymnastics a few years ago instead of doing the same thing I did when I was her age (Eat, sleep, and repeat).

But damn, I don't know if I'm genuinely worried or angry. She uses my shirts and it turns into oversized ones on her even if they're not on me. Her legs are great.

I feel bad for wanting her to gain weight because I can't stand seeing her. Urg. I really just can't see someone reminding me every single fuckin day I'm not in the body I want to have .

Sabotaging my little sister's body?
/u/LynCross [152.5cm | BMI: 25.1| CW: 128.75 lbs |UGW: 101lbs |F ]
Created: Sat Oct 13 06:18:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ntce7/sabotaging_my_little_sisters_body/
I don't want to think like this..I really don't. If I didn't have fucked uo thoughts wondering if my sister has disordered eating too. She's young, 11. She's super thin too because she took gymnastics a few years ago instead of doing the same thing I did when I was her age (Eat, sleep, and repeat).

But damn, I don't know if I'm genuinely worried or angry. She uses my shirts and it turns into oversized ones on her even if they're not on me. Her legs are great and she has nice clothes too.

I feel bad for wanting her to gain weight because I can't stand seeing her. Urg. I really just can't see someone reminding me every single fuckin day I'm not in the body I want to have .

[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! October 13, 2018
Created: Sat Oct 13 06:13:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ntbd6/stupid_questions_saturday_october_13_2018/
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for October 13, 2018.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**


Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! October 13, 2018
Created: Sat Oct 13 06:09:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ntap8/daily_food_diary_october_13_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for October 13, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Other] Can pear shapes achieve a thigh gap?
/u/ArkhamBrothers [5’1 👻 CW:118 👻 GW:90 👻 F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 04:56:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nsxng/can_pear_shapes_achieve_a_thigh_gap/
Serious question. Being short and having genetically big hips, is a thigh gap even a possibility??

[Rant/Rave] Ugh, my mom
Created: Sat Oct 13 04:56:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nsxm1/ugh_my_mom/
I have anxiety, she thinks it’s because I have physical issues that have symptoms that resembles anxiety. I don’t think that’s the case. Anyway, she was talking a about how I actually don’t have anxiety.

Mom: anxiety is a mental health issue, you’re not mentally ill

Me: but what if I am

Mom: if you are then we would deal with that.

Well apparently FUCKING NOT

Good news. I had a doctors appointment and got on medicine. One’s a medicine for my “symptoms of anxiety” and the other one is for
ADHD. The one for ADHD is also used as an anti depressant, Idk if I have depression (obviously never allowed to go to a doctor for mental health) but if I do, this might help.

Pro tips pleaseee!
Created: Sat Oct 13 03:57:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nso41/pro_tips_pleaseee/
Comment below your best tips on how you be successful with your ed...!

Can't get amphetamines for a few months due to insurance and I'm always always hungry 😭
/u/Zoombinis [24 F | 5'8" (172 cm) | CW: 122 lbs (55.33 kg) | GW: Flat belly]
Created: Sat Oct 13 02:37:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nsc2a/cant_get_amphetamines_for_a_few_months_due_to/
I'm prescribed Adderall/Vyvanse for narcolepsy but while I'm in between jobs it's not covered (and too expensive to afford without a job) and my new job doesn't start until January. :( I finally reached my goal weight a month ago (110 lbs) and I've gotten up to 116 lbs in the past couple weeks. It feels like no matter what I do or eat, I'm never full and I always want to just fucking eat. I used to be able to restrict but I can't anymore, I feel like a total failure. I see my belly poke through a t shirt and all I can think about is getting a knife and cutting it off

My mom is a big reason for my ED but I can't even blame her
/u/cortizonegnome [5'3" | bingetastic CW: 107 | GW 97 | UGW 88 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 02:24:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nsa5p/my_mom_is_a_big_reason_for_my_ed_but_i_cant_even/
because I'm pretty sure she has one too.

It's 5 am and I've just been thinking. She never ate with us. Never sat down at the dinner table. Always was shaking or pacing. If she did eat it was quick and she wouldn't sit. That's why I don't sit down to eat. I used to stand up next to her to copy her. When I was 8 I thought it was normal. When I was 14 I thought it was because she was having an affair and divorcing my dad so she just didn't want to be at the table with us. Now I think it's bc she didn't want to gain weight.

She started poking at my stomach when I was maybe 7 years old. Agreed that I was fat and that I could go on her cabbage soup only diet when I was maybe 9. She'd constantly tell me that I was too fat. After puberty I gained weight and when she heard from the doctor that I was 97 lbs she made him repeat it another two times and then didn't say anything to me the rest of the day. She constantly talks about how she's fat. She takes laxatives like no other. To the point they don't work on her anymore. Every time I see her she tells me she doesn't eat all day. I say she isn't fat (which she's not she's taller than I am and the last time she was more than 120 was when she was pregnant) but she says she is and she doesn't eat until I come home and then only eats her meal when I eat with her. Which is great. lo v e having to eat six meals a day to accommodate both my parents. I told her once that I felt fat and that I ate too much and she said "just go throw it up". I said I didn't know how and/or I couldn't. She opened a new toothbrush and told me what's the big deal just wiggle it in your throat how can you not throw up. I tried for half an hour and couldn't do it and told her and she just rolled her eyes at me. Her relatives all told me how they called her little fatty when she was younger and how she stopped eating and would throw up after meals. They laughed because EDs don't really exist in my culture. So I can't blame her. Even if she's a big reason for the way that I am. She didn't stand a chance and she truly doesn't see the abnormal in what she does. She's just trying to help me. And so I'm not going to eat for the next month to make her happy when she sees me next. I'm going to lose this binge weight I gained. Then she'll be proud of me

[Rant/Rave] Just a silly disordered thought about instagrammers
Created: Sat Oct 13 01:38:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ns2ve/just_a_silly_disordered_thought_about/
I follow a lot of aesthetic instagrammers, and they’re all posting so much about hot chocolate now that it’s fall. And literally every time I see it all I can think is how many calories it has and how anyone could drink that much hot chocolate when coffee is just as delicious and lower cal. And they’re all so skinny! It just blows my mind a little. I could never drink that much hot chocolate. I haven’t had it in years. Just wanted to share with like minded people😅

Am i dying? Please help
Created: Sat Oct 13 01:35:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ns2aq/am_i_dying_please_help/
I was at a party last night, and there was a lot of delicious food around. My diagnosis is anorexia, and ive recently been hit with a pretty bad relapse. And when i am drunk, for some hell-sent reason, i eat. So i fucking ate, but bc im relapsing, i could not keep it in. Ive purged multiple times in my life, but it was never my weapon of choice - i have NEVER purged as much as i did last night. I chewed and spat a lot of stuff into a cup, and puked up like liteRallY a litre or 2 of pizza in the backyard. Literally the whole night i was either standing by the food table eating(the owners had too much food and wanted to get rid of it so its ok), or bent over by her fucking bunny hutch hurling in the dark.
I got home ok, i had purged all of the alcohol so i was not longer drunk, and helped my friends in. My friends were crashing at mine, which meant i was giving them the big bed, and my girlfriend and i had to sleep on a tiny SINGLE bed together. I was feeling ok, but knew i had literally nothing in my stomach, and the thought of my stomach acids and the alcohol bubbling around worried me, so i ate a banana some carrot and a few grapes and sips of milk to settle my stomach. I went to sleep feeling drained, but fine.
In the morning was a different story. I woke up in one of the top 5 most physical pains of my life. EVERYTHING ACHES so so much, my mouth hurts so much i cant even describe, my throat feels like its bleeding, and my head is pounding. This is probably just normal after-party feelings, but is more extreme than i've ever felt. The worst part, and reason im writing this, is my chest/heart/gut. Keep in mind im transgender female to male so i was also wearing a chest compression vest all night. My chest is in so much pain, its sharp pain as well as intense aching as well as like a dryness as if my body is cut open and my heart is exposed to the dry air, and my heart is pounding too. My gut is in the most SHARP pain ever, almost like a stitch or a cramp(not menstrual, i'm a guy) and i literally couldnt stand up. Its been going since 3am when i noticed it and was groaning and writhing around in bed, to now at 8am when ive managed to get myself up to take some paracetamol and stop bothering my girlfriend.
Rn im eating some oats and berries and milk which i neveR do, i just so desperately want this to stop.
So sorry this is long but PLEASE can someone tell me, if this just a normal purging feeling and i dont know abt it, if this is just an extreme hangover(not sure how as i went to sleep pretty sober) or if im fucking dying. And if so, what do i do abt it. Thank you

Can't tell if I ripped a hole in my esophagus or id purging hot sauce is really *that* bad
Created: Sat Oct 13 00:32:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nrr9r/cant_tell_if_i_ripped_a_hole_in_my_esophagus_or/
title says it all

kinda got a laugh out of typing it haha please send help

[Tip] Exercise Inspo/Binge Discouragement
/u/Heartfr0st [5'2" | 107 lb | BMI 19.6 | -20 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 00:10:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nrn8t/exercise_inspobinge_discouragement/
So, I was asked to share these documents, cuz it's worked out pretty okay for me so far. Essentially, I was opening the fridge all the time and just staring at the food, and I thought, what a better way to stop that (while working for a better butt) than to exercise punish myself! So, here ya go! I included a blank one as well, if you have different exercises you want to do.

\[Butt Plan\]([https://i.imgur.com/KthcA6b.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/KthcA6b.jpg))

\[Blank Plan\]([https://i.imgur.com/qOPGIRS.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/qOPGIRS.jpg))

I just discovered these mini monsters?? P.S retook this pic 10 times bc my hand looked fat af 🙃
Created: Sat Oct 13 00:07:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nrmr8/i_just_discovered_these_mini_monsters_ps_retook/

[Discussion] how harmful is losing your period?
Created: Sat Oct 13 00:07:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nrmql/how_harmful_is_losing_your_period/
tmi warning! also i use male pronouns!

i think, for the first time ever, i’ve lost my period. and i’ve had really bad eating habits for 3 and 1/2 years.

i don’t know whether to be happy or fucking terrified. does this mean my body is finally catching up with my horrific eating habits?

from my disordered eating and gender dysphoria (two!!! different things!!! I THINK?!), i feel so happy. not only am i possibly sicker, but i don’t have to worry about periods! mine used to be REALLY heavy btw. it sucked ass when it came to dysphoria.

but back to the main point! is this bad? can i die because of NOT getting my period?

also, i eat 1100 cals or less per day. i’ve literally upped my intake by 100, but i’m changing it back after i go back home. ughhhh.

sorry for the mini-rant! thanks for taking the time to read all of this! (:

[Help] Effects of purging daily. Plz help
Created: Fri Oct 12 23:48:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nrjdj/effects_of_purging_daily_plz_help/
For a long time I’ve gone through periods of purging on and off, and because it was never regular or consistent over the years I’ve never been worried about the side effects.

The last two or three days I’ve purged my dinner, and I’m desperate to do it again tonight but I’m paranoid I’ll do some damage. (Obviously purging is damaging over time but I’m concerned about immediate damage from doing it several days in a row) I think I saw a little blood in my saliva two days ago after purging, dunno if this means anything. I’ve had no major pain or obvious bleeding. Also any tips for preventing tooth damage will be appreciated.

TLDR is purging 4 days in a row terribly bad for you? What are the chances of a tear or something?

[Other] So I went to an ED specialist the other day
Created: Fri Oct 12 23:20:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nre1s/so_i_went_to_an_ed_specialist_the_other_day/
She told me I didn't have an ED and that my binge-purging behavior was all a part of my BPD. I feel kind of relieved but also off? Like, now I'm suddenly normal even though I haven't stopped hating myself over my body? I'm just confused I guess. I feel like an ungrateful bitch for this. I want to quit therapy and medications and just live wildly until I try to kill myself again. Idk. Just wanted to share this with someone who would give a fuck.

What the fuck Mom
Created: Fri Oct 12 23:05:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nrb27/what_the_fuck_mom/
My brother just came home and informed us of his new warehouse job. He was telling me I should apply as well since it’s pretty high pay. We talk some more and we leave the kitchen where my mom is to walk down the stairs. I was saying that a warehouse job might be difficult for me and I said “I don’t know, I’ll look into it but depending on the work required they might not hire me because I’m not a 6ft, 200+pound dude. (Meaning I probably can’t lift all that shit, I’m a 160 pound girl)

Next thing I know my mom yells to us “You know, your both lose weight working there!”

What the fuck. Ouch.

Maybe it’s the kick in the ass I needed though. I lost 50 pounds in a couple months a few years ago with Ritalin and only eating 1 or 2 small meals every 2 days. Definitely time to open that can of worms again then.

[Discussion] anyone else have 'weird' goals?
/u/itsyaboifranzi [5'0" | whale | -14 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 23:04:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nrav8/anyone_else_have_weird_goals/
mine are wanting sharp elbows & really noticeable knees lol

[Rant/Rave] DAE panic when they come home to food they didn’t expect?
Created: Fri Oct 12 23:03:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nralg/dae_panic_when_they_come_home_to_food_they_didnt/
Panicking because I stuck to my intake goal today. I’ve been restricting quite heavily and I came home to pizza that was ordered whilst I was gone (I’m sure this was “left out” on purpose) and I am unreasonably angry about this. I just immediately put it in the fridge but now I know it’s there. Normally I just avoid the fridge, because if I don’t know what’s in there I won’t want it. But now I know. Ugh

Found this on r/fasting
Created: Fri Oct 12 22:46:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nr7fr/found_this_on_rfasting/

Ate at maintenance!
/u/bobbyb0ttleservice [another disordered lesbian]
Created: Fri Oct 12 22:44:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nr753/ate_at_maintenance/
This is my first post in this sub but I'm excited that I finally ate at maintenance after an entire month of binging! I still hate myself but I'm a little bit proud that I'm finally heading towards getting back on track :)

The bloating kills me.
Created: Fri Oct 12 22:42:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nr6pi/the_bloating_kills_me/
Does anyone else get severely bloated after eating anything? Like I have been restricting my diet to liquids and calorie dense foods (nuts) as much as possible cause I can't stand the bloating. It literally perpetuates my cycle of binging and purging. Even worse is I'm not sure if I can actually poop normally after all my purging, I always have to resort to laxatives which scares me cause I don't want to be dependent on them. Has anyone overcome this, can you share tips? I have no idea how I can recover if I literally remain bloated for days after a single meal.

[Discussion] the most terrifying moment in an ana’s life
/u/milk-and-honie [5'6" | 168 | 28.2 | 35 lbs down | female]
Created: Fri Oct 12 22:15:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nr1b6/the_most_terrifying_moment_in_an_anas_life/

[Rant/Rave] Living with people who enable my binging sucks
Created: Fri Oct 12 22:13:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nr0sm/living_with_people_who_enable_my_binging_sucks/
My mom means well, but she always fucking buys the most tempting shit that’ll set off a binge. I’ve told her before to stop buying the shit since it’s detrimental to me getting better, but she still does it. It’s not out of malice, she just doesn’t know any better, but it still fucking irritates me. I’ve even gone as far as to tell her to purposefully hide and lock food away from me, but it’s no use.

Now on this Friday night, I’m spending my time alone, binging nonstop before I probably purge it all up because I have no fucking friends and I’m an insufferable human being.

Hope everyone else is having a good night at least ❤️

[Help] Family Dinner Anxiety
/u/button_eyed_coraline [5'4" | 157 | 26.9 | -83 | Female]
Created: Fri Oct 12 22:10:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nr04x/family_dinner_anxiety/
My uncle’s mother died a couple weeks ago. My family is having a memorial service tomorrow. My aunt (who I have mentioned here before, is morbidly obese and completely oblivious as to why) has arranged a family dinner to be held at the Old Spaghetti Factory following the memorial. She always lobbies for Italian food for family dinners because it can be carb-heavy with giant portions.

I just took a look at the menu ([I linked it here](https://www.osf.com/dinner-menu/)) And, um, what the actual fuck. They have 3 salads, none of which are under 800 calories. They have an “extra pasta” option for $4, just in case eating more than my entire TDEE in one sitting isn’t enough. Each meal comes with AN ENTIRE LOAF OF BREAD, soup or salad, and ice cream for dessert. THE SIDE OF BROCCOLI COMES SMOTHERED IN BUTTER AND CHEESE.

My aunt and cousin can’t not comment on how I eat, it’s a big reason why I don’t generally eat around them anymore. But because of the death in the family, I kind of have no choice. I don’t even know what I could order, not even addressing how my aunt will make a huge deal about it.


Any suggestions for what to eat or even just how to navigate unwelcome commentary on my diet would be greatly appreciated.

Trying to do arts and crafts instead of binging this Friday night !
/u/llllllllambtalk [5'8" | cw114 | gw108 | -16 | f]
Created: Fri Oct 12 22:00:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nqy1u/trying_to_do_arts_and_crafts_instead_of_binging/

[Rant/Rave] Water fast from Sunday to Sunday!
Created: Fri Oct 12 21:42:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nqujz/water_fast_from_sunday_to_sunday/
The hubby will be away for a week! Where some wives would party while others would create a relaxation paradise, I instead plan my uninterrupted self torture sessions of fasting till a part of me dies and leaves some nugget of satisfaction in its place. So excited 😆

[Help] I’m failing
Created: Fri Oct 12 21:37:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nqti6/im_failing/
I feel like I’m drowning, I can feel the fat growing on my body and I can’t stop. Today is day 4 of binging in a row. I’ve been too ashamed to count cals but it’s gotta be 5000 plus days.

I hate myself so much. I’m depressed. Why can’t I stop 😭😭😭😭 you guys are the only ones who understand.

Tomorrow I’m going to get up go to the gym and try to eat at maintenance. Please pray for me.

[Rant/Rave] Bingeing is so scray idk how yall survive this
Created: Fri Oct 12 21:36:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nqt77/bingeing_is_so_scray_idk_how_yall_survive_this/
Just had what I think I can call my first real binge. Felt completely out of control, shoveled so much weird food in my mouth (though fiber one brownies and Halo top is winning combo, 10/10 will eat again) I don't feel great but it was bound to happen eventually with how long I've been low restricting. Just pray to the whoosh gods that this breaks me free of my plateau. Huge shout out to those of you who deal with this a lot. The whole experience is so stressful I'm not sure I could handle this if it happened all the time.

Discovery: dump a spoonful of Swerve confectioner's "sugar" on Puffs and it tastes just like sugary cereal, all crunchy and powdery 😍
/u/thrownawaykalbi [5'7"|CW 88.4|BMI 13.7|SW 108lbs|21F|🍑yuzukalbi🍑]
Created: Fri Oct 12 21:29:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nqru0/discovery_dump_a_spoonful_of_swerve_confectioners/
Tried this with strawberry apple puffs yesterday because I wished they were sweeter and I'm never eating them any other way <3 ate them in a tiny bowl with a little spoon and scooped up some of the powder with each bite and it was sooo good.

Any powdered artificial sweetener will do! As long as it's fine enough to coat the puffs.

Maybe l could even put some cinnamon on there and shake it all up for bootleg Cinnamon Toast Crunch 😁

(Posted this on Peach earlier and thought I'd share it with the sub as well!)

Happy snacking!

[Rant/Rave] My boyfriend brought home food.
Created: Fri Oct 12 21:27:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nqrci/my_boyfriend_brought_home_food/
My boyfriend has dinner with his friends every Friday night so it’s the perf excuse for me to either fast or OMAD ( we live together/he’ll occasionally call me out for under eating). I had done really well all day, even baking pumpkin bread without eating any, and he brings home a bison burger at 9:30 pm. If I don’t eat it he’d get suspicious and likely be hurt. But god damn it I didn’t want to have solids today!

[Help] My family is gonna make me eat
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 |CW 117 | GW 115 | GW 105-110 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 21:08:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nqn7u/my_family_is_gonna_make_me_eat/
Tomorrow we’re going to breakfast and then a cook out and that’s gonna have cake. I just reached my first goal weight and I don’t wanna fuck it up. I’m pressed. I don’t know what to do. I can’t find the menu to the restaurant online. I think I’ll just have a Hot Dog with no bun for the cook out and a sliver of cake. I wanted to stay under 1000 calories but looks like that’s not gonna happen. Gee I’m looking forward to being fat again.

[Rant/Rave] Managed to avoid eating at a meal out!
/u/ameliasophia [5'3 | 106 | 18.7 | gw: 90 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 20:54:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nqk83/managed_to_avoid_eating_at_a_meal_out/
I'm supposed to be fasting at the moment so I was really worried that I was meant to be going for a meal out with my uncles and some of their friends tonight. About half an hour before we left to go to the restaurant I complained of stomach upset from the 'lunch' I ate (I didn't eat lunch that was a lie). Then when we got to the restaurant I said that there was nothing there I liked and that my stomach was still a bit funny so I'd be happy with literally just some tomatoes no dressing. So they ordered me a 'tomato salad' that was only tomatoes sliced on a plate.


During the meal I cut them all up into smaller pieces and piled half of them up on one side of the plate so it looked like I'd eaten half the tomatoes when actually I hid the other half in my napkin when nobody was looking. Managed to eat nothing and still look like I was eating. I feel so relieved!

[Discussion] Pasta makes me freak out
Created: Fri Oct 12 20:50:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nqjfc/pasta_makes_me_freak_out/
My mom got a gift card to an Italian restaurant that only does huge portions (family style 🙄) so ofc they dragged me and my parents ONLY ordered pasta. WHICH IS MY NUMBER ONE TRIGGER FOOD. CHEESE, BUTTER, AND CARBS?!?! OH MY GOD DO YOU WANT ME TO GET FAT AGAIN.

I have been actively avoiding rice, pasta, grains, etc. for weeks and today I was TRAPPED. I felt anxious the whole time, I felt dizzy, and I wanted to throw up. I want to purge rn but I’m home this weekend and I can’t have them know.

How do y’all deal with your trigger foods?

What are the best excercise apps?
/u/finnkat [5'3 | 90lbs | 16.4 | 19f]
Created: Fri Oct 12 20:37:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nqgrd/what_are_the_best_excercise_apps/

I wrote this poem in English today, and edited it when I got home. It’s kinda how I feel sometimes. I’m not at my gw, but I’m at someone else’s gw
Created: Fri Oct 12 20:29:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nqezb/i_wrote_this_poem_in_english_today_and_edited_it/

[Discussion] Best way to break a 60 hour fast?
/u/AtypANA [5'9 | CW 205.0 | HW 220 | LW 120 | GQ 🏳️‍🌈]
Created: Fri Oct 12 20:18:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nqcp4/best_way_to_break_a_60_hour_fast/
I wasn't planning my fast to last this long but I just couldn't stop but now I know I need to stop once I realized I haven't eaten in 60 hours. I'm going to sleep soon but when I wake up I will need to break it. Any advice? What do I need to eat or what shouldn't I eat? I've had a lot of water, a couple Powerade zeros, and an energy drink in the last couple days.

Is anyone else here a "chubby chaser" while also having an ed?
Created: Fri Oct 12 20:13:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nqbht/is_anyone_else_here_a_chubby_chaser_while_also/
So, I'm anorexic, and I have been for about 12 years. I am *terrified* by the idea of gaining weight myself, but I love being in a relationship with someone bigger. I guess my ed really is just mine? I don't mind chubby/fat people at all.

My life partner is 25-30 pounds overweight, and I honestly love it. He's such a teddy bear, and he's always warm. I think he's the most adorable person on earth, and his weight doesn't bother me at all. I prefer it, actually. He's the cuddliest man I've ever known.

He just lets me be with my weird food habits, and I let him do his thing. It can be weird since we have a house together and there's no hiding anything from each other, so it's all out in the open. He knows all my habits. But he's always supportive and understanding.

Is anyone else the same way? Being terrified of getting fat and working constantly to stay thin, while preferring a partner who is the opposite? Every person I've dated has been bigger, and I just love feeling so small next to them.

[Other] 5.6 pounds, two days
Created: Fri Oct 12 20:10:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nqaqf/56_pounds_two_days/
I could scream right now! I'm so happy! I haven't been this happy in a while. I've tried and tried and tried to restructure but I've never been successful. Then a few days ago it's like a switch flipped and now I fasted for a whole 24 (my first time fasting) and over 2 days I have lost 5.6 pounds. I'll be below 200 pounds if I keep this up for less than a week even. This is amazing! I'm beaming!

[Rant/Rave] Had to breakup with my boyfriend cause he's too triggering.
/u/lostandlonley333 [5"2 | CW:108 | 19.9 | -30.6| F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 19:58:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nq80g/had_to_breakup_with_my_boyfriend_cause_hes_too/
Well it finally happened. I've known for months now that he negatively effects my mental health but I guess I used it as motivation to lose more weight, but this illness is so tiring and I don't want to feel this way anymore.

He's over a foot taller than me but barely weighs more than I do, In fact his BMI indicates he's actually underweight so you can assume how triggering that was for me.

The other night he half admitted to having an eating disorder himself which is when I knew I couldn't be with him anymore, we would just send each other further into a negative head space.

Anyway, just wanted to rant, not even sure how I feel right now.

[Help] I really want to eat pancakes tomorrow morning?!??
/u/ihate-chicken [5’7” | CW:114 | 17.8 |]
Created: Fri Oct 12 19:55:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nq7bh/i_really_want_to_eat_pancakes_tomorrow_morning/
I’m going out to bfast with a friend tomorrow and I want her to be proud of me since she knows about my struggles

I’m feeling motivated to try and eat “normally” and I really want to order pancakes... is it worth it? I know I’ll feel like shit about myself after but I want to give it a try

[Discussion] What would you say is the difference?
Created: Fri Oct 12 19:50:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nq6c5/what_would_you_say_is_the_difference/

[Help] Can someone give me some encouragement to make myself eat at maintenance tomorrow lol
Created: Fri Oct 12 19:24:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nq0dt/can_someone_give_me_some_encouragement_to_make/
I’ve gone a whole 10 days eating below 600 per day so I wanted to reward myself tomorrow by eating 1200 (still way below maintenance!!) but Now my completely not logical ED brain is scared that all my progress will just be eliminated ... one day of a spike in cals wont hurt right ???

I guess I can't lose weight healthfully/normally?
Created: Fri Oct 12 19:22:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9npzxj/i_guess_i_cant_lose_weight_healthfullynormally/
For the last 3 or so weeks I've been eating around 1200, Some days a bit higher some a bit lower like normal and I've basically maintained? wtf I lose 1.5 pounds on 900-1000 calories so 1200 should be like a pound a week right? Why is my body broken and only loses below 1200? And yes i'm weighing and measuring everything before you ask.

If I'm going to be hungry and sad might as well get it over with and actually lose weight. I'm a regular on 12isp so sorry for the throw-away, I've had a past of ED and I'm trying not to fall into it but I'm frustrated it doesn't seem to be working the "right" way

[Help] Drunk me just inhaled a sandwich and a dozen mini chocolates.
Created: Fri Oct 12 18:58:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9npukb/drunk_me_just_inhaled_a_sandwich_and_a_dozen_mini/
Had a stressful day today. I already ate half a chocolate bar and four rice cakes with peanut butter in the afternoon. Went out for drinks with friends tonight, decided fuck it and came home drunk. Made a sandwich and am currently finishing off a bag of chocolate.

I’m still drunk and I know I’ll feel so shitty tomorrow because I’m going to the beach (I’m sure my bloat will look GREAT in a bikini)! Gotta make sure this doesn’t become a habit. Any tips?

[Help] Idk how to cope
/u/uiume [5'5"| 120.5 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 18:45:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9npr9i/idk_how_to_cope/
Without restricting and fasting or binging and purging or drinking alcohol or smoking weed or going 24 hours without sleeping and being manic.
I feel like I'm going crazy because I have no way to numb my emotions and I'm just processing life 100% depressed and stressed and frustrated and apathetic I don't know how to keep doing this and I can't and don't want to get help I just don't want to be cognizant anymore let me exist as a dull shell of a person I'm fine with it it'll be appropriate considering how pathetic and empty my life itself is already. I don't know what to do.

How to avoid getting sick around kids while restricting?
Created: Fri Oct 12 18:34:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9npow1/how_to_avoid_getting_sick_around_kids_while/
Hey y'all I need some advice badly.

I've finally been restricting again thanks to my good friends Bronkaid, black coffee, and electrolyte water. But I babysit Monday-Friday for a 9-year-old, and maybe once a week for a 5-year-old. Both of them are ALWAYS coughing/sneezing/both. I try to be super sanitary but I'm afraid of getting sick while my body is low on nutrients and I'm not sleeping well.

Any tips for not getting sick while restricting?

Embarrassed myself infringe of my friends at dinner the other night
Created: Fri Oct 12 18:24:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9npmei/embarrassed_myself_infringe_of_my_friends_at/
I’m an idiot. The other afternoon my friends and I were at the pub for drinks and when it started to get dark we all decided to go get dinner and then stay out drinking afterwards. Well nearly everyone but me ordered food, I just had more alcohol because less calories, didn’t want my stomach to stick out etc. A few of them asked my why I wasn’t eating and because I was drunk I stupidly launched into some BS thing about intermittent fasting and OMAD because I was embarrassed and just wanted to get them off my back. It probably made them all way more suspicious even though I joked about “alcohol doesn’t count” (obviously it does but I wanted them to think I actually thought it didn’t). I keep thinking back to it and totally cringing at myself ugh. Anyway I guess I’m posting here because I can’t exactly tell anyone else and I need to get it out of my head.

[Rant/Rave] After feeling on top of the world for a month im back again in a b/p cycle...
Created: Fri Oct 12 17:55:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9npfec/after_feeling_on_top_of_the_world_for_a_month_im/
I was doing so well, felt so invincible and never felt so good about myself. Of course eventually you start getting more and more anxious around food, then a bunch of other stuff (mostly emotional) triggers the cycle. I’ve literally eaten all of my flatmate’s food and I don’t know how to tell her I’m sorry without having to explain I may have a slight problem with my eating 😂.

Part of my anxiety this time around also had to do with the fact that I had been restricting quite a lot and I hadn’t pooped in well over a week (even with taking lots and lots of laxatives). When I consulted my gp about it today he told me I just had to ‘eat more fibre’. Well shit now I guess...

I feel DISGUSTING. I know I’ve only b/p’ed for 2 days but I feel like I’ve ruined all possible progress I had made. You never really know this specific type of self hatred until you’re in the fucking pit again. I just want to feel empty again:-( it’s so exhausting having to pick yourself back up and crawl out of this fucking hole...

[Discussion] Apple cider vinegar thoughts
Created: Fri Oct 12 17:40:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9npbsz/apple_cider_vinegar_thoughts/
I hear all of these things about it raising metabolism but is it true?

[Rant/Rave] Thought I was recovering...
/u/catalystrose [5'2 | 111 | BMI 21ish | GW 100 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 17:27:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9np8aq/thought_i_was_recovering/
LOL NOPE. ED brain is not so easy to get rid of.

I was eating 1200 to 1300 calories daily for the past 2 weeks or so, which is barely a deficit for me with my messed up metabolism and barely moving for most of the day. Then I binged two days ago, and purged it. Told myself that it's alright, doesn't mean I'm not getting better.

Then I had a mega 5000 calorie binge yesterday, again. Purged probably half of it before my throat gave out. It hurts so fucking bad right now. Decided to fast for the weekend, but I'm getting the urge to binge again. I think I've officially transitioned from low restriction to high restriction to the binge and purge cycle. When is this shit gonna stop?? Every time I want to get better, I get worse.

You guys got any tips to nip a beginning of a binge purge cycle in the bud? I literally cannot even deal with myself right now, so dissapointed and frustrated. Like WHY?????

Please send help.

the perks of having a pet
/u/bunnywithbpd [5"2 || 104]
Created: Fri Oct 12 17:24:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9np7pj/the_perks_of_having_a_pet/
is that they sit on your lap and they're so comfy that you don't want to move and go downstairs into the kitchen and eat.

[Discussion] Have you ever had people worry over you?
/u/Marca19 [5"0.5 | 105lbs | BMI 20.1| FTM]
Created: Fri Oct 12 17:07:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9np38d/have_you_ever_had_people_worry_over_you/
And if so, what did it take for that to happen? Honestly, I got so fed up of people in my family trying to be so subtle about asking what/when I was eating. I felt policed, but it was never in a way that was actually going to help anyone. It was more of a constant checking in but never actually acknowledging that anything was unusual about my eating habits. Or doing anything to try and help.

How did they first notice? What did they say? And how did you feel about it?

[Other] sad ramblings
/u/acrsita [Height 5'7| CW 47kg | BMI 16.5| Weight Lost ??| Gender ??]
Created: Fri Oct 12 16:58:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9np110/sad_ramblings/
this phrase kept repeating in my head today.

“i love my bones more than i ever loved you”.

it applies to my ex boyfriend, it applies to my family. it applies to everyone, and everything i’ve ever lost.

see, i fucking hate this disorder but at the same time, it means the world to me. it is destroying me from the inside, it’s taking away my future but there’s nothing i’ve ever wanted more. how can i love something so much when it does such a thing? it is so counterintuitive, and i’m aware of that. but god, i’m so ready to be nothing at all.

i love my ribs, i love how you can see my sternum. i love my bony shoulders. i LOVE my collarbones. i love my hipbones. i love my spine and how it sticks out of my back. but i wish i didn’t, for fuck’s sake. i am completely and utterly obsessed. there is little else i think about. i’d give anything to be free from this, to forget about it like i forget about everything else.

it’s making me so ill and i know one day i’ll look back and feel as if half of my life was traded up for a horrible obsession that left me weaker and sicker and fragile, but for some reason that doesn’t motivate me to stop. not being able to walk properly again isn’t motivating me to stop.
my heart getting worse isn’t motivating me to stop. the threat of inpatient isn’t motivating me to stop. NOTHING CAN AND NOTHING WILL.

i hope it kills me in my sleep.

[Rant/Rave] My mother bought me fries
/u/myx24 [176cm | CW:200 | -20 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 16:49:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9noyk5/my_mother_bought_me_fries/
Of course I ate them all and am now regretting my decision. I tried purging it while my mom slept but my body didn’t seem to want to let it go. Now I feel sick and guilty 🙃 excessive exercise? Yes please.

[Tip] PSA: thinspo community
/u/smallest_madeline [F 5'1" | CW 96.8 | HW 125 | LW 80| GW 70 🍑 smallest_madeline]
Created: Fri Oct 12 16:33:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nouav/psa_thinspo_community/
If you like r/thinspo it is going to be a private subreddit starting in November! This is not a test! I figured I’d post here since I’m sure we account for a lot of the traffic over there

[Rant/Rave] My dad always calls me "little girl", and I hate it.
Created: Fri Oct 12 16:28:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9not0i/my_dad_always_calls_me_little_girl_and_i_hate_it/
Not just because I'm super fat, I just think it's gross. He refuses to address me by anything else, not even my name. I'm 22, I'm a college graduate, and he just calls me "little girl" in this condescending voice all the time. I don't even have that type of relationship with him. We're not close, we never were. I don't talk to him because of his terrible abusive tendencies and his desire to blame my mom for everything he does. Not to mention his strong disregard for women. He's like a textbook example of men who don't believe that women are capable of anything or should be allowed to do anything except for housework, which men shouldn't be subjected to.

"Did you just sleep all day, little girl?" (No, I didn't sleep at all today or last night. How are you going to just walk in and assume because you're not here, I have nothing to do but sleep? You're not the fucking center of my world.)

"What are you doing this weekend, little girl?"

"I'm going to cut the grass, little girl."

"What's for dinner, little girl?"

Fuck off.

But it does wonders, because I refuse to be in the same room as he is intentionally, so I usually avoid most of the house and just don't eat during the day or night.

[Goal] Having a freaking awesome day today
/u/applesauceistheenemy [5’10.5” | 140 | 19.5 | -70 lb | female]
Created: Fri Oct 12 16:18:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9noqfy/having_a_freaking_awesome_day_today/
My partner who’s emotionally toxic and possibly abusive is at work this evening and I have the night off and aaaaa I’m so happy I could scream.

I’ve decided I’m not telling either of my partners how I’m feeling; they don’t deserve to know. That’s what I had to do with my parents, too. I might not be able to leave now, or ever, but this is a good step towards independence.

I know I won’t be this strong every day and I know I’m not cured. But I worked the past 7 days straight and today is my first day off after all that, so I slept in super late which was glorious, re started my personal training classes at the gym, finished my going back to college application and submitted it, ate a ton from Taco Bell and didn’t give a shit, went on a speed walk while listening to my empowerment playlist, and now I’m catching up on my Bible reading plan.

I’m not manic or anything, I’m just...happy. This is the first happy day I’ve had in a long time, where I’ve been thinking clearly and feel strong and capable and I feel like I can like myself. I’ve spent so long hurting myself so I wouldn’t have to “burden” other people with my emotions and I’m just done with that. I’ll just find safe people, different people, who I can express them to. I’m finally so fucking sick of hurting myself. Sick of feeling like I deserve to die for bullshit reasons, sick of cutting and scratching and starving and denying...I don’t deserve it. I never did.

[Discussion] The cupcake, and also I think my coworker has an ED
Created: Fri Oct 12 16:16:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nopsx/the_cupcake_and_also_i_think_my_coworker_has_an_ed/
So it's been a weird day. I started EC stacking yesterday and have not felt very hungry. I've been eating what probably seems like a lot to some of you but it's impressive for me.

I also saw the scale go down five pounds this week, lower than I've been in over a year. I've realized that the only thing that ever seems to work is just not eating.

My coworkers went to a BBQ today and while I don't eat meat, one of them brought me a cup cake. I joked about how I was saving it for when I could enjoy it, but really I'm giving it to my husband. It sat on the desk all wrapped up and I didn't even think about it being there.

In the hallway another very tiny coworker of mine asked why I didn't go and I said I don't eat meat. She didn't go and says she never goes (it's been a yearly thing for a while). She talked about how she only likes to eat the food she brings.

Her soup, her fruit, and her occasional sandwich that takes thirty minutes to eat.

I nodded, said "me too".

But what's irritating is she probably has no idea I have issues with food because I'm just under an overweight bmi.

It's kind of a kick to keep at it, lose more, start to have a body that represents how fucked up my brain is.

No one knows I'm obsessing. Yet.

[Rant/Rave] my mom is trying to make me fat
/u/su22a [5’3 | CW 111 | BMI 19.6 | HW 114]
Created: Fri Oct 12 16:12:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nooo4/my_mom_is_trying_to_make_me_fat/
(Deleted my previous post because things. got. worse!)

i asked my mom for a SMALL chocolate milkshake.
she comes home with a MEDIUM, a brownie, and fries.

anyone else would be thrilled but my heart literally dropped when I saw it all.
if this turns into a binge cycle I’m disowning my mother.

"Wow, you're gonna be so tiny."
/u/Dense_Necros [5'2" | CW:161lbs | 30.5| - 35lbs| UGW:110lbs| 22F|]
Created: Fri Oct 12 16:10:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9noo7u/wow_youre_gonna_be_so_tiny/
I'm beaming you guys. I told a school friend of mine that I've been losing weight and I told him my goal weight (for now). Instead of harping on me like everyone else or saying the same old bullshit of "oh no you look fine right now!" He just said "wow, you're gonna be so tiny." And left it at that.


Honestly it's so refreshing when people just worry about themselves.

[Rant/Rave] i used my roommates toothbrush to purge ln ToT
Created: Fri Oct 12 15:56:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nojzw/i_used_my_roommates_toothbrush_to_purge_ln_tot/
so i haven't really bp-ed for real in like 9 years really (i guess occasionally i would if i ate food and then felt physically ill from eating too much with friends/fam or something, but fsr i don't count those times) i actually bought food at 3am last night when i couldn't sleep (as usual) WITH THE INTENTION of purging after. i drank a bunch of water b4 and after and i remembered how to know when it was time to try so that it would be silent and come up easily. it was weird how much i easily remembered exactly how to do it.


i usually cant sleep until ive eaten SOMETHING and i hate it. Ive been struggling with hardcore insomnia for like a year I got the idea to purge after eating only last night. it totally worked. i dont know why i hadn't thought of it before because ik it used to work when i was younger and had sleep problems.


i have 3 roommates and their bedroom doors are all basically 10-4 feet away from the bathroom door and i just put the bath rug at the bottom crack of the door, bunched up, to muffle sound like it was second nature.


the funny/gross part is that i had switched to an electric toothbrush recently and i had to use by roommates normal toothbrush instead. im probably horrible person for this but i do honestly think its one she never uses since it has been in a plastic bag in the bottom of a random bathroom drawer for like 3 years.


nothing quite makes it all come up like the curve on the end of a good old toothbrush.


i feel bad for not being angry at myself for this idk


i just finally feel like i have control again and im really happy

I'm a terrible friend
/u/deconcerte [4'11 | 23F | 115.2lbs | -5.3lbs]
Created: Fri Oct 12 15:49:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9noi1h/im_a_terrible_friend/
My best friend is in town this week and we've barely hung out because I don't want him to peep me at this weight. He knows about my eating disorder and has seen me at my LW so him seeing me at my current "healthy" weight and making a comment on it would lowkey destroy my self-esteem lol 🙃

Him, two other of my highschool/university friends and I are going out for sushi tonight and I've been racking my brains to find an excuse not to be there this entire day. We were also supposed to get drinks after but I said I was starting to get a cold, so I'll probably be able to get out of drinking tonight. Since I've already cancelled once before and I managed to get out of drinking tonight, I don't think I can make an excuse last minute not to go :/

I don't know why I'm behaving like this. This is my best friend. I only ever see him a couple times a year. I should enjoy myself. But I can't. I've already picked out the five things I'm going to eat tonight (6 piece cucumber roll, 6 piece avocado roll, 1 cup shelled edamame, 1 cup miso soup, 1/2 cup mango salad) and calculated all the calories (675). I probably won't even finish all the pieces of either rolls or the entire thing of edamame and claim that I had a lot of French toast at work today.

I coffee fasted the entire day today and only had 150 calories yesterday just so that I could fit sushi in tonight. God I wish I was normal.

Y'ever just hurt yourself with a cookie
/u/Daistis [162 CM | 21.7 BMI | 20F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 15:25:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9noakm/yever_just_hurt_yourself_with_a_cookie/
tried to separate this cookie with my teeth, and somehow it accelerated and it dove with the force of a thousand suns at just the right angle at my lower gums and now it won't stop bleeding. If this isn't a clear cut divine sign from above to stop being a glutton idk what is. I seriously just sat there laughing about the absolute STATE of things as I stuffed my mouth with paper towels to stop the bleeding. My teeth are giving up after years of abuse. I guess the takeaway here is PSA don't purge, kids.


Warning, bloody tissue and offending cookie ahead: [https://imgur.com/a/NVGlMhG](https://imgur.com/a/NVGlMhG)

[Help] How to stop pre period binges?
/u/TinyJarOfRocks [5’1 | CW 107 GW 95]
Created: Fri Oct 12 15:25:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9noakk/how_to_stop_pre_period_binges/
I don’t eat until dinner on the days that I work, it’s not hard for me. Even free food doesn’t tempt me. I didn’t eat all day until my body decided it NEEDED chocolate.

So therefore I just binged on peanut m&ms, regular m&ms, a slim Jim, chocolate chip cookies, two bags of ruffles and Taco Bell chips.


[Rant/Rave] milkshake paranoia
/u/su22a [5’3 | CW 111 | BMI 19.6 | HW 114]
Created: Fri Oct 12 15:11:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9no5wo/milkshake_paranoia/
my mom called me and asked if I want any food brought home and I decided to ask for a chocolate milkshake from McDonald’s bc I usually try to treat myself a little bit on weekends, plus I’m still pretty low for the day so figured it couldn’t hurt.

after I got off the phone, looked up the cals. For some reason, I thought a small had like 350. nope! Not even close!

I found the info for just a plain chocolate shake that says it’s 470, but also the “triple chocolate” which is 560.

Here’s the thing, I’m going to have NO idea if my mom is ordering the plain or the triple chocolate. kill me :( I’m going to be so paranoid while I drink it.

I know this is such a dumb problem for someone to have but ugh, I’m sure we can all relate to the anxiety of not knowing how many calories are in whatever we’re eating :(

[Help] Oh nooooooo
Created: Fri Oct 12 15:10:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9no5nd/oh_nooooooo/
Ok sooo basically my gag reflex is going and I can’t really purge anymore... I’m having panic attacks even looking at food idk what to do anymore. I can put a toothbrush all the way down my throat. Sorry TMI but I really need help. Thanks guys.

Y'ever just hurt yourself with a cookie
/u/Daistis [162 CM | 21.7 BMI | 19F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 15:09:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9no5ge/yever_just_hurt_yourself_with_a_cookie/
tried to separate this cookie with my teeth, and somehow it accelerated and it dove with the force of a thousand suns at just the right angle at my lower gums and now it won't stop bleeding. If this isn't a clear cut divine sign from above to stop being a glutton idk what is. I seriously just sat there laughing about the absolute STATE of things as I stuffed my mouth with paper towels to stop the bleeding. My teeth are giving up after years of abuse. I guess the takeaway here is PSA don't purge, kids.



It runs in the family
/u/MyNames_Not_Rick [5'4' | CW: 123.5 | 20F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 15:01:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9no2iq/it_runs_in_the_family/
I found out recently that my mom struggled with severe bulimia from age 15-25 (she was a ballerina) and it nearly killed her before she recovered. I use the term ‘recovered’ loosely because she’s still OBSESSED with food and body image, but she’s also almost 60 now and at a healthy weight.

She would always comment on my body as a kid and talk shit about fat people then turn around and tell me she was huge and disgusting, etc etc. I’m sure my own shitty relationship with food is related to the way I was raised to think about eating. I’ve been playing this game with myself since I was 11, almost a full fucking decade, and she still has NO IDEA. Ugh. Honestly I’m not even sure why I’m posting this, I’m just feeling kind of sad because I feel like I didn’t have a single chance to be normal, I’m sad that my youth was stolen from me and more than anything I’m terrified that if I have kids someday I’ll do the exact same thing to them :(

thanks for listening

Raising the difficulty level for binges
Created: Fri Oct 12 14:11:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nnng3/raising_the_difficulty_level_for_binges/

[Rant/Rave] i hate this sooo much
Created: Fri Oct 12 14:02:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nnl49/i_hate_this_sooo_much/

[Rant/Rave] So I just went shopping
/u/-bluehoney- [5'3" | sw 187 | cw 169.4 | gw 120 | ƒ |🍑bluehoney]
Created: Fri Oct 12 14:01:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nnkqy/so_i_just_went_shopping/
I went to Forever 21. The skinny girl store. I went there bc cheap clothes and I need an outfit for a big audition coming up at the end of the month. I am not a skinny girl, but I was hopeful bc they normally have some oversized stuff that looks cute. I tried in a bunch of clothes. They all looked good, I felt good, I had difficulty choosing what to get because it all looked... nice. I’m not skinny yet, but the 20lbs I’ve lost so far have given me my shape back. I look thicc. It’s not ultimately preferred but it’s a fuck ton better than the blob I was before.

I ended up getting some deep red and back plaid high waisted skinny pants, and a black long sleeve turtleneck (tucked in), but also a bodycon deep red long sleeve mid-thigh length dress. They’re both cute and I’ll be eat them both, but I’ll let my mentor help me choose between what to wear for the audition. I’m excited to kick ass. :)

Bonus: two different strangers complimented me on the dress I’m wearing today, and my makeup looks nice. Thanks for listening to me rave ☺️

[Discussion] Jello cups are a lifesaver
Created: Fri Oct 12 13:59:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nnjxb/jello_cups_are_a_lifesaver/
Sugar free jello cups are only 10 calories each and they taste fucking good especially with fat free reddi whip on top (5 cal for 2 tablespoons). Perfect dessert or snack ☺️

Best appetite suppressant?
Created: Fri Oct 12 13:57:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nnjkg/best_appetite_suppressant/
What works best for you? I know theres no magic "I'm not hungry anymore" button but I hate trying to sleep hungry and end up binging before bed. What works best to suppress the beast?

Guys I got my dream job!
/u/ButterflyThin [66" | 174 | 28.20 | -76 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 13:36:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nnd82/guys_i_got_my_dream_job/
It's not a great job but it's everything I wanted. More than minimum wage, set schedule... ACTIVE! It involved 20k+ steps a day and a lot of lifting.

[Discussion] My cat attacked me and its the best thing thats happened to me????
/u/WashiiTape [🌻 Height: 5'4 | CW: 119 | BMI: 19.4 | Gender: F 🌻]
Created: Fri Oct 12 13:35:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nnd2b/my_cat_attacked_me_and_its_the_best_thing_thats/
Okay well "attacked" may not be the right word. but she accidentally scratched me across the mouth and now it hurts to move my lips, so eating has been almost entirely impossible. It's stopped me from bingeing twice!!! It's probably hella unhealthy and i definitely should take more steps to prevent the cuts getting infected but at least for now it might help me finally get to my next goal weight!! Im getting close!!!

(putting it in discussion because im not sure what tag it would go in?? but i wanted to share lol)

[Intro] Oh look, im back at this again
Created: Fri Oct 12 13:32:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nnc3y/oh_look_im_back_at_this_again/
Hey everyone, I'm not sure what tag/nickname I'm using for Reddit yet outside of SheWhoDares, but that's beside the point. I guess now this is just a "welcome back" to myself now that I'm rejoining the community. Currently, I'm 22 and I have two kids. Before my kids I had done really good with EDNOS. Even after my oldest, that cyclical nature came back for a bit, and the same thing after my best friend died. But, now I think I'm back back. When I was a kid, I was obese. 145 at 11 years old (mind you I'm only 5' 2" now, probably shorter back then) through restricting I got down to 130 thanks to being in marching band. Once either got to college, I starting becoming a poster child and got down to coasting around ~110. Now, after two kids, my average has been 165. Well, now, after having been fasting/extreme restricting for four days, i'm down to 156 and honestly not even feeling hungry anymore. I thrive off of zero calorie sweet drinks (diet sodas will be the death of me😂) and the calories I do intake are often in the form of energy drinks. I feel a binge day looming, but don't think I'll give in any time soon. Anyways, this has been my intro/rant thing. Hello everyone!

[Help] I've gained 40 pounds in a year and I just can't exist anymore
Created: Fri Oct 12 13:18:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nn81o/ive_gained_40_pounds_in_a_year_and_i_just_cant/
This is very depressing, just a heads up.

Over the past year I've been in a depressive cycle and binging constantly. I've gained 40lbs and I don't even recognise myself anymore, I barely go out because I'm so uncomfortable in my own skin. I restricted for 4 years, hit my goal weights and had everything under control then one day I binged and just never stopped. I feel so ashamed and depressed all the time, I don't even want to exist.

I'm not even sure what the point of writing this was, I just wanted to rant,

Steadily losing while eating what I want
Created: Fri Oct 12 13:09:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nn4zu/steadily_losing_while_eating_what_i_want/
If you're like me, restricting too hard leads to binges. I feel that's human nature, actually...even outside the ED world.

I just wanted to give recognition to the fact that foods aren't inherently bad or good. That mentality always leads to rapid weight loss and gaining it all back with binges. It is not sustainable, it is not the way I want to live my life.

I'll admit that I still binge, I'm a bulimic after all. But rather than have my days dedicated to eating nothing but my binge food and expending all of my energy purging, I've just decided to eat one meal a day where I have what I actually want.

I like healthy food, so it's typically in the realm of something good for me, but it also has things like meat, or bread or avocado.

Eating like this has allowed me to have confidence in not gaining the weight I've lost back through binges. And I am finally down into the 120s for the first time in my life that didn't require copious amounts of vodka and little to no food.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that we are deserving people who need to nourish ourselves and we can still lose weight while we do so. It's not mutually exclusive.

Much love and thanks. Eat something this week that will give you a great boost.

[Other] Does anyone else watch super elaborate food prep vids...
Created: Fri Oct 12 13:07:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nn4gm/does_anyone_else_watch_super_elaborate_food_prep/
...as an inspiration to *not* eat? I know I'm not talented enough to make chocolate cake with fondant that looks like a rack of ribs, so why try to eat today at all‽

[Goal] 120 by 21- Update Two
/u/LumosErin [5'5.5" | 121.8 lbs| GW: 120 lbs| UGW: 115 lbs | 20F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 12:41:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nmwe4/120_by_21_update_two/
I don’t have Friday classes and I don’t like doing homework in my apartment bc I know I can’t get anything done so I like to go to the library and work in my little hidey-hole cubicle.

Well I’ve finished working and decided to walk back home but I pass the rec on the way back. For funsies, I went in to weigh myself as I didn’t want to wait until Wednesday after my weekly Pilates class.

120.6. My birthday is approximately two weeks from today. I achieved the goal with 14 days left. How low can I go? New GW: 115!

Hi, I love you all and if anyone is struggling I am here to talk to. That is all.
Created: Fri Oct 12 12:35:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nmun7/hi_i_love_you_all_and_if_anyone_is_struggling_i/

[Help] help me get out of this binge cycle pleeeeease :(
Created: Fri Oct 12 12:30:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nmsyx/help_me_get_out_of_this_binge_cycle_pleeeeease/
I've been in the longest binge cycle ever, at least two months! I can make it like two days without, then binge again. I put of SO MUCH weight that I'd rather kms than take another look in the mirror.

I just don't know what to do. When I set myself calorie restrictions, I feel kind of compelled to 'break the rules'? If I don't, I don't know how to eat and question every bite and wether I should have it or not so that's practically more stress.
I tried high restricting and doing it the healthy way - worked for two days because it's just too much food and I can't deal with such a slow weight loss after I put on so much weight. Actually I love low restriction, but after a while I feel 'sorry for myself' and binge.
It's like, no matter what I do, my brain just always wants to break the rules for the sake of it. What should I do? Decide for a calorie limit or a certain plan and just fucking stick to it (I thought about doing like 4 weeks of 500 cals, 2 weeks of 800, then easing into higher restriction again)? Or not having a plan and just going about my day, but being mindful about wether I'm actually hungry or not (If I eat according to hunger I'll usually be at 300-600 cals)? Or what?

I'm just SO desperate ffs :( My stomach feels like it's about to rupture and I can't go out because I'm so bloated :'(

[Discussion] Thinspo or fitspo?
Created: Fri Oct 12 12:25:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nmrgk/thinspo_or_fitspo/
Which do you look at, wish you were, find most attractive?

Fitspo for me. I’ll never look like that and my fucked up brain thinks “i just need to be thin first, then i’ll work on the fit” yeah right...

[Help] Salt water for electrolyte replenish?
/u/LumosErin [5'5.5" | 121.8 lbs| GW: 120 lbs| UGW: 115 lbs | 20F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 12:23:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nmqup/salt_water_for_electrolyte_replenish/
I’ve been dealing with sluggishness and I think I need to replenish. I’ve read stuff about snake juice but I cannot afford the supplies to make it.

I thought I once read something here about mixing 1/4 tsp of salt into ice water and it worked. However I know salt makes us **retain** water and I’m trying not to get more bloated so I’m not sure if I read correctly.

Is the above a good idea or do I need to change it up?

[Rant/Rave] Lunch- what a joke
/u/MyMetalHeart [5-4 | CW: vom | 1st GW: 120 |2nd GW: 100 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 11:54:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nmhu3/lunch_what_a_joke/
So I drank my coffee so quick today that the candy bar I ate with it made a quick pass through. I don't purge out the front but try to manipulate my food to come out the back quick. Or I take laxatives from time to time.

Made my morning happy.

For lunch I made a crap soup of vegetable stock, carrots, peas, rice, green bell peppers, garbanzo beans, ham and apparently too much cayenne and dried pepper flakes.

It was too spicy to eat the entire small bowl. Heh, oops. I plan to keep it spicy but add water as I make my way through the pot. Looks like I'm eating a big old bowl but it's a bowl of basically nothing. It'll keep my partner from asking.


Happy weekend, friends.

I signed up for a 50 mile race
/u/MailingMaize [5'1 | CW: 111 | BMI 21.5 | GW: 95 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 11:54:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nmhsl/i_signed_up_for_a_50_mile_race/
Let's see how long it takes me to get another stress fracture running 55+ miles per week on <1000 calories. ☹️
Why do I do this to myself?

What was it like to tell your SO about your ED?
/u/MailingMaize [5'1 | CW: 111 | BMI 21.5 | GW: 95 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 11:49:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nmgh5/what_was_it_like_to_tell_your_so_about_your_ed/
I live with my boyfriend of two years, who I adore and have an otherwise great relationship with. He knows I had "some food problems" at one point and has come across pictures of me at my bulimic HW of 145. I was 110 when we met, got up to 123 after moving in together, and since August have gotten back to 110. He has never brought up my weight but most have noticed. I have not lost it healthily and I feel awful hiding it from him and lying about eating (both when it's too much and too little).

What were your experiences with SOs like? I feel like I have to wait till I'm thin enough to tell. ☹️ So I can't explain why I've been so moody and distant lately. Over of his close friends just went inpatient too, so I feel extra invalid struggling with this at a healthy BMI.

any other disabled people here?
/u/PartyTimeSexyDisco [monster zero lesbian | 25F | europe]
Created: Fri Oct 12 11:33:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nmbfd/any_other_disabled_people_here/
(ive been lurking for a few months here and i wanna join the discord so time to get posting!! hi!!)

i have uhh. a Lot of medical stuff going on but to keep it short i have spina bifida (occulta so the least-bad form) and i use a cane every day pretty much, i'm not allowed to exercise or do 99% of sports and tbh even standing to cook for too long when i cant use my cane bc i need both hands is a lot most days. so i never have any stuff to cook with at home bc i eat prepackaged stuff/delivery/nothing (lbr mostly nothing). sometimes i really wish i could exercise all day just to binge after but... it's just not happening physically i can't

i also have ADHD which is pretty common with spina bifida apparently! i got diagnosed early this year as an adult and being medicated has made my life sooo much better... i have to be super careful with my shrink so i don't get taken off that ritalin for losing too much weight but it's amazing

**tl;dr** i don't see a lot of posts about physical disability or nd stuff other than non-ed mental illness (which i also have lmao) so i wanted to see if there's more of us than just me! also im using reddit as a distraction from ordering pizza until everywhere closes and i can go to bed at the <250 cals i'm at rn 🙏

Family Reunion Tomorrow :/
/u/backup4reelz [5'5" F | 121 | 115]
Created: Fri Oct 12 11:33:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nmbep/family_reunion_tomorrow/
A problem for multiple reasons and I'm just gonna rant about it for a bit.

Basically, it's gonna be a catered get together with like 50 of my closest relatives of whom I only know about a dozen. So a few hours of people I barely know commenting on either "how big I've gotten since I was a little girl" or "how great I look now that I've lost my baby fat". Doesn't help that my grandma comments on my weight loss positively every time I see her. Every time I eat around her, she tells me to slow down so I don't put the weight back on.

Most of my family is a pretty healthy weight but I know some of them who are into diet culture without actuallly dieting (like keto but with putting two tbsp of butter in coffee every morning and having cheat weekends every week) and are definitely gonna ask me how I lost weight. I'm just gonna say I've been more active in college and it's cheaper to eat healthier but id r e a l l y rather not discuss it.

Also, the catering is from some bbq/fried chicken place. Southern American soul food stuff. Fried everything dripping in oil and tea sweetened with like a pound of sugar. I've been fasting to prepare and I know that I've restricted so hard over the past week that I might even woosh from this but STILL. I haven't had this much oil and processed food and bullshit since the last family reunion I went too two years ago. And I used to be ADDICTED to fried foods like this so I'm so worried that this will make me fall back into my old emotional eating/binging habits.

TBH I can't get out of this like I did last year and there'll be MORE comments about me/my weight/etc if I dont eat or eat a tiny amount or just veggies or any of that. I know i can do this but damn is it gonna take a toll on me esp with halloween around the corner

Don't know what to do ehen not eating
Created: Fri Oct 12 11:32:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nmb4x/dont_know_what_to_do_ehen_not_eating/
I ate so much today that I'm still uncomfortably full but the only thing I can imagine doing that I would enjoy is eat more. I'm like waiting for the fullness to ease off so I can eat more and keep thinking it everything I have to eat in the kitchen. But I've already eaten over the 2000 calories that anyone should have (I'm very sedentary)

[Other] TMI but I’ve gotta share (it’s about poop)
/u/areddittoshowoff [161cm | C: 60kg | G: 54kg | -14kg | F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 11:29:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nma8m/tmi_but_ive_gotta_share_its_about_poop/

So I’ve been stuck at 60kg for a while now. I’m super accurate with my counting so it’s not that. Plus there’s no way I’m underestimating enough to put me at maintenance.

Anyway, I’ve also been super backed up. I tried a few things - more water, had some greens, some cabbage, caffeine.... but nothing worked. I caved yesterday and bought some senna tablets because it was actually starting to get painful. My stomach was kinda swollen too. I took 2 senna tablets, then 2 more about 4 hours later. I also had cabbage for dinner and did an abdominal massage before bed.

Then about an hour ago the stomach cramps started. And the sweating. And the “oh god gonna poop” feeling. It wasn’t fun tbh. Butt (lol) after unleashing hell on a toilet at work, I feel soooo much better and lighter. My stomach isn’t rock hard and bloated.

I definitely don’t want to take them too often because I know you can get dependent on them. But oh my god, I can see why people use them.

[Help] How do you make yourself feel better/like yourself again after a binge cycle?
/u/FUCKuNSALTEDcROUTONS [5'6 |CW:162.2 | GW: 130 |F 19]
Created: Fri Oct 12 11:22:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nm7t6/how_do_you_make_yourself_feel_betterlike_yourself/
This week was supposed to be my “jump back in to clean eating and dieting week” and instead every night I get high and binge soooo hard on Pringle’s and chicken strips and Taco Bell etc.

Gluten isn’t necessarily my best friend so now I am beyond bloated to the point of my thighs touching way more than normal and I look 8 months pregnant. If I start there and allow my stomach to fully relax instead of holding it in it goes out FAR.

My mood is messed up too; this morning I woke up, realized how bloated and gross I feel, and instantly bitched at my roommate and told her to leave me alone despite her being my best friend.

I unfortunately don’t have any tea on hand, but I need to know what you guys all do after a binge to bring your self back to normal as quick as possible and to get rid of the bloat.

[Rant/Rave] Can I hire one of you ?
/u/Arkhamgel [Height | 173| 27.7 | +22 | Male]
Created: Fri Oct 12 11:09:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nm3mt/can_i_hire_one_of_you/
I need someone who will straight up deck me in the jaw every time I open a cabinet or the fridge in the kitchen.
I'm willing to pay a pack of monster zero per day srsly

[Goal] Gonna fast?!
/u/conuretrash [5'3.5''| 20 F | CW 148 | GW 115| -42 |]
Created: Fri Oct 12 11:07:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nm30x/gonna_fast/
I want to fast so bad but these past few days I’ve been slipping up 30-45 hours in. This time I want to succeed really bad. This is my accountability post! I want to just last 48 hours to get past the cravings and then plan how long I’ll fast for. These first few hours are the worst so I’m gonna try to be nice to myself- having some cream in my coffee today, having diet sodas, not forcing down tons of water. Once I break past 48 hours and I’m not obsessed with food I’ll stick to only water. Maybe I can make it by doing this??

Any side-effects of eating and spitting out the food in a bag?
Created: Fri Oct 12 10:59:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nm0dx/any_sideeffects_of_eating_and_spitting_out_the/
My girlfriend and I have been trying to find various ways to lose weight that fit in with our lifestyles. We order take out a lot so I've settled on fasting and binging but she's been eating and then spitting out the food in a bag.

It seems to work pretty well but researching online, I couldn't find out if there are any side-effects of doing this. She still eats a regular lunch at work so she gets some nutrients but is she just ingesting oils for dinner or something?

Any ideas or links would be appreciated!

When do you take your EC stack?
/u/deanhipchester [5' | lmao | 21F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 10:57:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nlzz9/when_do_you_take_your_ec_stack/
I stopped taking mine a while back but I'm having such a tough time restricting rn that I gotta get back into it. What time do you guys usually take yours to be most effective?

[Other] I just realized a way I can burn more calories at work.
/u/lilmisssuccubus [5'2 | CW: 118 |BMI: 21 | GW: 103 | -60 | 26F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 10:55:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nlz6h/i_just_realized_a_way_i_can_burn_more_calories_at/
I have been trying to up my active calories lately, as lowering my daily intake makes me \*dread\* my workouts. I have a goal of 400 calories a day, and whatever I have left to burn after work is what my goal is for my workout. I have been walking around my work building a few times a day but it's raining today so I walked around inside. We have two floors and a stairwell, so I decided to run up and down the stairs for a few minutes. It burned a lot more calories than walking in circles does. Small victories. Got into an argument with my fiancé last night, which has me feeling extra blue today even though we resolved it. Tie that in with the fact I may have missed a BC pill yesterday and had to double up today and I am just a sad anxious wreck.


But hey, the scale said 117.4 today. -.7 since yesterday. I'll take it.

How to survive the weekend
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 |CW 117 | GW 115 | GW 105-110 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 10:53:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nlykc/how_to_survive_the_weekend/
So I fasted today and I'm going to my grandparents for the weekend for a family reunion. I Know for dinner they're having a cook out but I don't know what they're gonna do breakfast and I'm screwed for breakfast/lunch sunday. I finally got down to 116 today and I don't want to go back up to 120-118.

[Tip] If you like math
/u/desertfractal [5'5"|CW:125|GW:109.9|21.05| 23F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 10:26:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nlq9w/if_you_like_math/
Go into MyFitnessPal, make sure you’ve logged your calories accurately. Click “more” at the bottom of the screen, go to “nutrition.” Look at net average, and subtract that number from your tdee. So my net average this week is 812, idk what my tdee is but we’ll just say it’s 1500, so I would do 1500-812= 688. Multiply that number by 7 for the seven days of the week. 688*7=4816. Do that for as many weeks as you want, I’ll do the last 3 weeks. (1500-713)*7= 5509, (1500-1553)*7=-371. (It’s negative because I ate too much which means I would’ve gained instead of lost that week). Now, add up the numbers you got: 4816+5509+-371= 9954. Now, take that number, divide it by 3500 (the amount of calories in a pound) so 9954/3500=2.844=3 (we’ll just round up to three lol). The number you get is about the amount of weight (in lbs) that you’ve lost in the last three (or however many weeks you did) weeks if your tdee and calorie count is accurate. So in the last three weeks I’ve lost 3 lbs haha. This is actually relatively accurate for because three weeks ago I was 129 and now I’m like 125.6. My tdee might be a little higher which is why I didn’t get 3.4, but I like under estimating. Anyway, this is stupid and nobody will probably do it, but if you want to see how much weight you’ve lost this week, that’s how you can estimate it. Like if I did just this week, it’d be [(1500-812)*7]/3500= 1.376, so I should’ve lost 1.376 lbs this week. Anyway, it doesn’t really matter because you can just check your weight and see how much you actually lost. Also, this is a great way to kind of figure out your tdee! So say you lost 3 lbs this week right? And your net calorie average for the week was 812. So you’d do [(x-812)*7]/3500=3. Then, multiply both sides by 3500. (X-812)*7=10,500. Divide both sides by 7. X-812=1500. Add 812 to both sides. X=2312. So that’d be your tdee! This obviously is just an example, my tdee definitely is not 2312. Also, it can vary depending on how active you were that week and if you logged your cals/exercise correctly. Anyway, just some fun math if you like it haha.

[Discussion] DAE get super excited to update their user flair when they've lost weight?????
/u/kurtisskinny [5'5 | CW 140 | | SW 156 | F21]
Created: Fri Oct 12 10:08:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nlkto/dae_get_super_excited_to_update_their_user_flair/
bc, same. thats all <3

[Other] My dad picked me up a skinny vanilla latte - it’s so ironic that his name is ed 😂
/u/lemonsubmarine [5’3” | cw 115 | gw 107 | ugw unrecognizable ]
Created: Fri Oct 12 10:07:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nlkh1/my_dad_picked_me_up_a_skinny_vanilla_latte_its_so/

I've been smoking more now that I've relapsed and idk if I like it or not
/u/cottagegay [5'6" | 196 | 33.1 | -10lbs | ]
Created: Fri Oct 12 10:01:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nliit/ive_been_smoking_more_now_that_ive_relapsed_and/
I never was much of a smoker, I have a lot of family members who smoke and never found it all that interesting. When I started smoking weed, however, I smoked a cigarette rarely bc it felt good while high and everyone else was but still it wasn't that frequent.

Recently tho since I've fallen headfirst back into counting calories and exercising obsessively I've started smoking more and more and genuinely enjoying it.

I absolutely know part of it is that smoking kills my appetite so when I'm starving or want to binge I smoke instead but it's also just gotten more pleasurable and I like how it makes me feel.

Can anyone else relate? I know it's a bad thing and I'm still trying to limit just how much I smoke. (At most I'll do a cigarette or two a day, but usually just smoke one every two or three days.) Should I be limiting myself more or say hell and fall in headfirst in another bad habit ://

I feel like a fraud
/u/throwawayluckybamboo [5'4" | CW: 145.2 | GW: 125 | LW: 115 | UGW: 105]
Created: Fri Oct 12 09:42:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nlckx/i_feel_like_a_fraud/
I feel like I'm a complete fraud and I don't really have an eating disorder, but I just want to feel like I do because it makes me feel like I belong somewhere, feeling sick gives me some kind of validation. It's so hard for me to restrict these days, even though all I want is to be skinny. But I also want to eat everything in sight. I'm a fat disgusting pig but I think that's independent of any ED, it's just me :(

Any ED habits you didn't understand until you started doing it?
/u/moon___night [🍑 moonnight]
Created: Fri Oct 12 09:29:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nl8ov/any_ed_habits_you_didnt_understand_until_you/
I didn't really get the deal with pacing until I started doing it myself, and now I love getting my steps in by pacing my apartment while reading on my Kindle. Are there any ED habits or behaviours you've started that you didn't see yourself doing?

For those of you who love spiralizing vegetables, which one do you use/ recommend?
Created: Fri Oct 12 09:23:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nl6vp/for_those_of_you_who_love_spiralizing_vegetables/
This video \[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gorWlpQVks](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gorWlpQVks)\] just popped up on my feed, and since I haven't had pasta in what feels like forever, the urge to substitute spaghetti with zucchini is so strong. I don't want to shell out a lot of money for one since your girl here is on a really tight budget, but which one do you guys use/ would recommend?

[Discussion] I need to stop changing my goal weight in loseit so I actually get somewhere lol
/u/piizza [5’4” | C130 | G110 | -14 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 09:17:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nl4yr/i_need_to_stop_changing_my_goal_weight_in_loseit/
Yay self-defeating habits!

I FINALLY managed to weigh in under 130 today (129.4! Because I was throwing up from a migraine!) and after I logged it, I immediately went to lower my UGW by four pounds 🙃 because fuck acknowledging any progress I made, right?

Who else habitually moves goalposts for themselves and then gets frustrated that they never Get Anywhere????? ha haaa

I think I'm in love with the process of losing weight and as fast as possible
Created: Fri Oct 12 08:55:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nky3c/i_think_im_in_love_with_the_process_of_losing/
It's like a game to me, a challenge. I love calculating how many pounds or half pounds I want to lose a day/week, obsessing over it, eating as little as possible and exercising hard to burn it all off. Seeing the changes in my body. It's such a thrill to expect to lose half a pound the next day and surpass it. I think of all the clothes I'll be able to wear at my goal weight. And then I get down to a low weight, not quite at goal, and self sabotage majorly, like I'm subconsciously trying to ruin alll my hard work!!! I get fat again and hate my body and the process starts all over again. Each time I hope is the last.

Are there certain people in your life that trigger you to binge or restrict?
/u/kenziixoxo [5'5" | CW: 130 | GW: 110 💕]
Created: Fri Oct 12 08:41:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nku1e/are_there_certain_people_in_your_life_that/
If my husband is gone for work for a weekend, I won’t eat the entire time (not out of worry or anything like that, I just don’t) but whenever he comes home he always wants to eat and is so encouraging because he knows that I restrict but doesn’t know that I “binge” so he brings a lot of food and I can’t help but eat it all.

But I also have a friend who models and we used to be the same size but since then I’ve gained and she’s lost and whenever we go on a trip together or something I straight up don’t eat lol.

[Rant/Rave] I’m in a bad place
Created: Fri Oct 12 08:21:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nkom2/im_in_a_bad_place/
I’m going through some really rough shit rn. Things blew up with my family and I had to leave the house with nothing but the clothes on my back, a bottle of Smirnoff, and some concealer lol. I’ve been so fucking anxious and scared of my father and even tho it’s kept me from eating very much volume I’ve been eating foods sort of high in calories and drinking alcohol for the stress. Idk how but I’ve lost 2 lbs in the past 5 days. Maybe the stress is good for weight loss lol

[Discussion] DAE feel like some of the posts on /r/progresspics can't be using the right weights?
/u/Ineedthinspo [5'6 | 146 | 23.6 | -45 | ]
Created: Fri Oct 12 07:56:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nkhd9/dae_feel_like_some_of_the_posts_on_rprogresspics/
I feel like I see girls who are shorter and heavier or my stats constantly and they all look significantly skinnier than I do... and I'm not even convinced it's because of dysmorphia.

[Other] I’ve reached peak bulimia
Created: Fri Oct 12 07:31:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nkalw/ive_reached_peak_bulimia/
I went to a buffet alone. Purged halfway though and went back for more. I only left because the ice cream machine was broken and the waiter seemed like he was about to enforce the two hour time limit.

A thought when helping not to binge
Created: Fri Oct 12 07:25:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nk913/a_thought_when_helping_not_to_binge/
I was thinking about it and I dont want to eat the little money that I have. Money literally either going into my mouth or in the toilet. Flushing money down the drain. BUT.. If you do binge, dont beat yourself up over it. In order to gain a single pound you would have to eat 3500 calories + the regular amount of food you eat every day. Dont beat yourself up guys <3

[Rant/Rave] Another Fast Ruined by my POS Body (vaguely off topic)
/u/nymphlotus [64in | 157 | 26.9 | -23lbs | Female]
Created: Fri Oct 12 07:09:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nk50f/another_fast_ruined_by_my_pos_body_vaguely_off/
I had planned on fasting for a few days. But of course, I can't have anything nice. I got a massive fucking UTI. I have been getting them like at least twice a year since I can fucking remember. Aside from starting antibiotics (which I can't fucking afford because no insurance) the only thing I can do right now is take Azo. And if no one has ever taken Azo, it makes you uncontrollably nauseous if you dare take it with anything less than a full fucking meal. So of course, I get awoken at 5am with fucking hematuria and the worst fucking pain I have ever felt, and have to wait a full hour before I can tearfully crawl to a store to buy the stuff, break my fast way before I intended, and wait out the pain.

Oh, and despite eating a fucking sandwich and a granola bar, now the Azo is still hurting my stomach. So breaking the fast was pointless, and my whole fucking abdomen feels like it's being stomped on by a UFC contestant.

At least I had the foresight when I felt it brewing to tell my boss last night that I wouldn't be able to work today.

Someone kill me.

How do the girls with always perfectly flat stomachs do it?
/u/smileyslimey [5'5 | 98 | 16.3 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 07:06:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nk3zh/how_do_the_girls_with_always_perfectly_flat/
Seriously, I don't understand. They must be superhuman.

Went out for drinks and clubbing a few days ago and didn't eat anything high-volume on purpose that day. But even a couple glasses of water and a few slices of cucumber will make my stomach stick out. I had planned a cute outfit that was a little tight on the stomach and it looked awful when I tried it on in the evening.

And when we got to the club there were all these girls in crop tops and bodycon dresses with flawfless, completely flat stomachs. I felt so envious and disgusting because my body *always* shows when I have eaten or drank anything.

Same at the beach or pool parties. If there is a secret, please tell me. I'm starting to think that some women are just extremely lucky because I doubt that all of them are starving themselves or taking laxatives...

I gained two lbs over night ☹️. How does that even happen?!
Created: Fri Oct 12 06:58:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nk1wg/i_gained_two_lbs_over_night_how_does_that_even/
I had a salad yesterday (500cal) and then chili for dinner (450?). My daily maintnance is 1400cal. So how did I go from 112 to 114 in 24 hours? I'm so depressed.

[Goal] Just made it through a 58 hr fast!! I've never gone this far before :)
Created: Fri Oct 12 06:32:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9njvbw/just_made_it_through_a_58_hr_fast_ive_never_gone/
I've been trying to get more than like 18 hrs into a fast for a long time and don't know why but I finally made it! I was going for 70 but felt like I was gonna faint so I just ate.

On a tmi side note, I don't know how to break a fast without destroying the toilet afterwards. Is there even anything safe you can break a fast with without killing your digestive system?

[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! October 12, 2018
Created: Fri Oct 12 06:11:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9njq7s/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread/
This is the weekly picture thread for October 12, 2018.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**


Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! October 12, 2018
Created: Fri Oct 12 06:11:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9njq6s/daily_food_diary_october_12_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for October 12, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Help] Vaping for weight loss?
Created: Fri Oct 12 06:07:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9njp51/vaping_for_weight_loss/
Hey, so I'm a non smoker, but I'm bulimic af. Has anyone ever had success with preventing binges by vaping? Like with non nicotine liquids?

[Discussion] Am I a bad person for being attracted to muscular guys?
/u/linedryonly [5'5| C127 | G110 | L102 | -10]
Created: Fri Oct 12 05:59:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9njn87/am_i_a_bad_person_for_being_attracted_to_muscular/
Inspired by a recent post, I'm interested to know people's opinions about being primarily attracted to muscular men.

I'm definitely more attracted to fit guys (although not at the expense of personality ofc) and I feel really bad about it. In practice, I like the body of whoever I date because it's their body. But in terms of instant attraction, I definitely gravitate to a certain body type. Does this make me a terrible person?

Calorie counting apps
/u/zaniathin [5’3” | CW: 151 | -9 lbs | F | Relapsed Again]
Created: Fri Oct 12 05:24:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9njfi5/calorie_counting_apps/
I knew it was only a matter of time. 🙄

EVERYTIME I count calories, I end up obsessing. I now have two apps I keep track of calories on and use both those apps and my Garmin watch to track my exercise. I then average it out (which means highest calorie amount and lowest calories burned) and call that my daily amount.

I am struggling so hard to not add another app onto my growing list of weight loss apps. I already got a fasting one because who doesn’t like seeing the amount of time a person has spent fasting?!

This is getting ridiculous and logically I know I could do with just one but I overestimate and those estimates always seem like underestimates. So I just pick the highest number of calories.

Fuck me. I knew I relapsed but I didn’t know I relapsed THIS hard. (As if relapsing has levels lol wut)

Why am I the way I am?

[Help] Feel worse after purging liquids vs solids?
Created: Fri Oct 12 05:21:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9njevd/feel_worse_after_purging_liquids_vs_solids/
Basically I’m scared of solids so lately have only been having liquids (soups, cordial, water, etc.) all of it I have to purge though however I’ve noticed (and this is everytime I purge liquids) that I feel worse physically than when I purge solids. Anyone else have this?

OMAD for a day?
Created: Fri Oct 12 05:20:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9njesh/omad_for_a_day/
Hey everyone,

Just had a huuuge breakfast, just couldn't stop eating. But I'm still within my goal amount for today so I'm wondering if it would be of any use to do OMAD for a day? I'm thinking of only having a few gherkins for dinner (have to take medication that can't be taken on an empty stomach). Thoughts?

P. S. Part of that huge breakfast was around 500 grams of grapes so according to MFP I've consumed over 100 grams of sugar already. Thoughts on fruit sugar anyone?

[Help] Has anyone been taken off ritalin because of weightloss?
/u/Such_fruits_as_these [5'3 | 111 | 20.39 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 05:10:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9njcmf/has_anyone_been_taken_off_ritalin_because_of/
I'm so afraid of this happening, can anyone who's been prescribed it while low/underweight share experiences please?

[Discussion] Does anyone have a binge day?
/u/its_freaking_bats [5'7" | CW 125 | BMI 19.6 | GW 120 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 04:41:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nj697/does_anyone_have_a_binge_day/
Like 1 day a week where you either eat normally or binge? I guess a cheat day? How has this affected your weight loss?

Honest opinion what would you consider an attractive weight for a 5"5 woman?
Created: Fri Oct 12 03:53:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9niwrg/honest_opinion_what_would_you_consider_an/

Anyone tried saffron supplements?
Created: Fri Oct 12 03:30:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nisjy/anyone_tried_saffron_supplements/
Ive been reading that Satireal is a pretty great appetite suppressant. Its extracted from saffron and ive been reading that saffron supplements in general have some really nice benefits. Has anyone here tried it and seen any benefits?

[Discussion] Anyone else more attracted to guys that are slightly overweight rather than skinny?
Created: Fri Oct 12 02:51:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nilph/anyone_else_more_attracted_to_guys_that_are/
I don't know what it is, it could be that their more likely to eat all the junk in the house or that I feel more comfortable because they are less likely to critique my weight.

[Rant/Rave] Saw my legs thin in the mirror until I blinked
/u/LynCross [152.5cm | BMI: 25.1| CW: 128.75 lbs |UGW: 101lbs |F ]
Created: Fri Oct 12 02:21:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nignt/saw_my_legs_thin_in_the_mirror_until_i_blinked/
I'm not sure if it's just the pants fitting nicely or maybe I actually lost weight, but I'm wearing a hoodie with my pants and the fat overspill on your thighs..the one with the panty line was magically gone. Until I shifted my leg and then..there it was...sighh

[Help] Coffee nausea
/u/Tonilier [160cm 🍒 19.7 🍒 cw:111lbs 🍒 gw:97lbs]
Created: Fri Oct 12 01:44:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9niaeb/coffee_nausea/
24 hours into a fast and I made the mistake of drinking coffee- now I'm sitting in my bed trying so damn hard to not throw up. Is there anything I can do to limit nausea from coffee?? Or at least how to make it pass sooner??

[Help] Help, Need a friend
Created: Fri Oct 12 01:14:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ni51z/help_need_a_friend/

This is a mess
/u/asiaticlily [5’10 | 134.4 | 19 | -47 lbs | F22]
Created: Fri Oct 12 01:13:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ni4r4/this_is_a_mess/
Okay so, I’m doing well... I’m eating 1,4001,500 cals a day... not hating myself... working out everyday... I think I’m on the road to some sort of recovery. HAHAAHAHA jokes on me, I’ve drank 3 bottles of wine tonight and eaten like 1,700 calories of food today and I can’t even tell if I’m nauseous from the food or from my own mental state. I hate myself right now. I looked at pictures of myself at my lowest weight and oh my god.. I look so good. Fuck this. Fuck feeling better mentally. I have to be 133 again. I’m already feeling sick from the wine so I guess I’ll go vomit just to get rid of some of the calories. God, I was such a fucking idiot to think I’m ready to recover. Fuck. My. Life.

[Discussion] Today I purged coke zero and a single tic tac into the wastepaper bin at work, what's your most recent rock bottom?
/u/InTheGecko [172cm (5'6) | 61.5kg (135lbs) | BMI: 20.6 | -12.5kg | F | 23yo]
Created: Fri Oct 12 00:57:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ni1mi/today_i_purged_coke_zero_and_a_single_tic_tac/

[Other] Dressing Room Blues
Created: Fri Oct 12 00:50:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ni0d4/dressing_room_blues/
I went up 10 pounds over the summer but that was in addition to 10 pounds I had put on over the last year. I was at 142 and now im down to 137 but I like to be at 115. But the fat distribution on my body is really nice, luckily, so it mostly went to my boobs and my ass. So my clothing size didnt really change. Also, all my clothes are elastic or purposefully oversized so it didnt really matter.


My 21st birthday is next week so I went to Plato's Closet to find a shirt/dress to wear at the family dinner. While in the horrible dressing room with horrible lighting and horrible mirrors I had this weird moment. I was putting on size 1 dresses and easily zipping them up (which hasnt happened in a minute) while hating this beer-belly looking stomach I had put on. I had never hated my body more and it had nothing to do with the number on the tag. Im at home now and I was doing my self tan routine (which always makes me look skinnier) and looked at my pale stomach in the mirror and saw my ribs. Ive had ups and downs and ups and more downs with my body more in the last 6 hours than I have in the last week. I just feel weird.

My friends gave me the "you're getting too skinny" comments and a sick part of me felt really happy
/u/ImMissBrightside [5'2" | cw: 94 | gw: 90| 23f]
Created: Fri Oct 12 00:30:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nhwhg/my_friends_gave_me_the_youre_getting_too_skinny/
I was meeting up with some close friends of mine that I hadnt seen since like summer-ish. Normally I wear loose and baggier clothing and stuff, but since it was a hot night and we were just going to stay in my friend's house and watch movies, I wore a tighter long sleeve and shorts.

My friends saw me and (even though my weight barely went down since summer) started talking about how i was "too skinny" and was "kind of wasting away" at this point. One even jokingly asked if I was anorexic (ha, if only he knew), before getting serious and telling me I really should eat more.

I used the normal defense of just brushing it off and saying I'm fine and not *that* skinny, but a part of me felt really good. Not even a happy type of good, just...validated I guess? The satisfaction even pushed me to stave off all of the snacks, which they commented on again. I still feel ashamed in myself though. I shouldn't be feeling this way about legitimate concerns from people I love but...i do. I dunno if i can help it.

What are your experiences with this sort of thing?

[Rant/Rave] I wish I can get back into a restriction cycle.
Created: Fri Oct 12 00:07:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nhs8g/i_wish_i_can_get_back_into_a_restriction_cycle/
I feel unworthy of love, I feel like others are lying when they say I’m not ugly.
I’m legitimately fat, and I hate myself for getting out of a restriction cycle now all I do is eat eat and eat.

It’s so easy to keep going once you’ve been doing it but so so so SO hard to start. Why the fuck did I do this to myself, I was so close to GW1 (8 pounds away but let me say I was close)

[Rant/Rave] “You have to stop for the baby”
/u/applesauceistheenemy [5’10.5” | 140 | 19.5 | -70 lb | female]
Created: Thu Oct 11 23:47:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nho6p/you_have_to_stop_for_the_baby/
Anyone else a parent? I am but only sorta—what I mean by that is I’m in a polyamorous relationship and my partners have a biological child who I’m partially responsible for. But they do almost everything for him; I work the most and bring home the bacon, that’s my role, so I buy him things but am not expected to do as much childcare since I work 40 hours a week instead of like 20 or less.

My female partner guilt trips me about any unhealthy behaviors I have a lot. She’s like “you have to eat, because you have to be strong for the baby”

“You can’t self harm because the baby will get older and see your scars”

“You can’t scream or cry or be hysterical ever or you’ll upset the baby”

“You can’t drink or smoke too much or you won’t be around for the baby”

Idk, I guess I’m just a shit parent? Like I should think to put him first, right? Like kids are other people’s reasons for recovery, right? It hasn’t worked like that for me. I’ve been unaffected by all that. I haven’t hurt him in any way and I do care for him and provide what he needs, but choosing to treat myself better “for his benefit” just doesn’t seem like a good enough incentive?

I still go to work when I don’t eat. I can still buy him things because of that. I’ve gotten better about self harming, but most of my scars come from before I was in this relationship to begin with. I’ve gotten better with smoking and drinking excessively, but I haven’t quit entirely.

Is it seen as abusive to be mentally ill with a kid? Like not abusing them or being neglectful of them, but abusing yourself, not in front of them, but like, they’ll find out eventually, somehow?

I see a lot of parents who say their kids are their reason for fighting, for getting up in the morning, for being a better person. Maybe it’s because he’s not biologically mine, but I feel absolutely none of that. None at all. Basically the only way I’ve become a better person is I’m a safe driver now and won’t drive if I’ve been drinking, if I’m too drowsy, and I don’t text and drive. Like, that’s it. I don’t find him an endless source of inspiration and joy like others seem to have with their kids.

I think I’m just broken. My parents weren’t particularly enraptured by my brother or myself, either. They were never proud of us for doing things as kids. They didn’t like children and found us irritating and stupid usually. Now I feel like I’m the same way in some ways. I don’t find my son irritating or stupid, and I am proud of him sometimes, and I can only hope I won’t tell him any of the fucked up stuff my parents told me, but like...

I’m a failure. I don’t want to get better for him. I don’t even want to get better for my own sake. I don’t feel “inspired to be a better person.” I was terrified I’d be an abusive parent and I haven’t been but it’s still not how I thought it would be. He doesn’t make me happy. I’m happy he exists and I’d be upset if he didn’t. But he’s not this endless source of joy. He’s just a person I have to care for right now.

Idk. I know it’s fucked up. Probably no one can relate. Even other people with the same mental illnesses I have say their kids are their reason for getting better. I don’t know what’s so broken about me.

[Rant/Rave] I lost my job, but at least I’m fucking skinny.
Created: Thu Oct 11 23:45:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nhnx8/i_lost_my_job_but_at_least_im_fucking_skinny/
Girrrrl just let me vent!

So, I just lost my job. I’ll get paid through the 18th, but might have to go back to the service industry for a tiny bit to make ends meet, and I’m feeling... emotions about it. So many. All of them. They come in waves. Anger, disillusionment, incredulity, sadness, fear, happiness, hope, optimism, resentment. Simultaneously thinking that my boss is a kind, benevolent, and successful person, and a complete fucking moron.

Bit of backstory:

I was hired as an ISA (unlicensed) in a real estate company, without having any experience (let alone success) in sales. My (former) direct supervisor severely sexually harassed me during my first two months with the company, after which I finally reported him and he was fired. Then, the owner of the company who had never been involved in my day-to-day, suddenly became my reluctant mentor because no one else was available/wanted to do it. This amounted to very little mentoring time and basically just being thrown to the wolves.

He gave me practically all the textbooks he owns and checked in periodically to find out what I’ve read.

Obligatory inflation(?) of my own self worth: I have always been a good student- As, some Bs, a couple high Cs. I’ve never failed a class. I’ve been challenged in classes, for sure, but I’ve never straight up failed because I’ve stopped trying or otherwise.

My dudes, I have failed at this job. I’m in motherfucking real estate and didn’t talk to any leads that have turned into transactions (yet) and I’ve been with this company for 8 months...

Granted, the first 2 months were a complete waste. That supervisor told me all sorts of batshit crazy things about the industry and spent 90% of his day trying to fuck, rather than mentor me.

I’ve been with this company since mid March. My fuck-wad of a supervisor was fired in May or June. I didn’t really start to get actual work done until after I got my license, in August.

I relapsed hardcore after my supervisor got fired. Like what the fuck man?! This asshole thought he could get away with that shit because I was kinda chubby (not really) with a mom-bod (actual curves) and I should be thankful for he attention?! Fuck! That!

No person should ever feel that that “should be thankful” for unwanted sexual attention. Ugh. But I digress.

I couldn’t help but to start purging all the time, including at work, because I was typically the only person in our entire office suite.

Then I decided to “get healthy” and I traded purging for restricting because restricting won’t kill me as quickly. I’ve lost 10 or so pounds (except I had a real dinner and a normal sized bowl of regular ice cream last night so maybe I gained it all back idk).

I don’t flirt with men in my office. I just do as I’m told, to the best of my ability. Oh, and my fucking role was never even clearly defined, I was told that I’m an ISA, but was asked to follow up diligently with every lead, An isa doesn’t have time to follow up diligently, and create drip campaigns from scratch, and set up CRM databases from the ground up. I DID ALL OF THOSE THINGS, and my position is being discontinued, but I’m allowed to stay as a “broker” now that I’ve been fired.

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!!!!!!!!!

Binge eating/emotional eating...
Created: Thu Oct 11 23:34:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nhlrr/binge_eatingemotional_eating/
Has taught me nothing but to avoid my problems. I already gained almost 50 lbs and I am tired of never confronting my issues head on. I need a break from it all and time to heal. Perhaps some sort of rebirth. I don't know but I am sure of one thing: I need to kill parts of myself that haunt me and cloud my judment. For the longest time, I been wanting to kill myself, but now I want to change myself into another person. So I need to kill parts of my current self and I will start with my gluttony first and work on being more discipline.

[Other] i don’t want to lose weight anymore but fuck i’m not thin enough
/u/duskedfur [5'7" | CW: 100 | 15.6 | UGW: 95 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 23:31:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nhl7f/i_dont_want_to_lose_weight_anymore_but_fuck_im/
i just weighed in at 97 lbs and i’m only on hour 13 of this 24 hr fast. i don’t know why i do this to myself, i’m careening towards a bmi of 14 faster than i thought i was going to. i have no energy anymore even with caffeine and supplements but i can’t make myself maintain because i can’t eat normally whatsoever. i’m scared of the health problems i’m going to have if i keep this up, i’m scared that my family will find out and i’ll have to be put into treatment which will be expensive and will take me out of college which will be a ton of wasted money, but i’m the most scared of recovery. i don’t want to gain all the weight back that i spent so much time and effort losing. i don’t want to eat the garbage i ate before all this. i don’t want to be “average” or “healthy”, i want to be thin, but fucking apparently thin isn’t thin enough even though i’m killing myself. i don’t know what to do anymore

as a frank stan and someone with an ED, i feel personally attacked
/u/antha19 [5'6"| cw: 152lbs | bmi:24.63 | female]
Created: Thu Oct 11 23:27:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nhkc8/as_a_frank_stan_and_someone_with_an_ed_i_feel/

[Rant/Rave] Starving, pulling an all nighter, and forgetting to drink water... ED or Torture Tactic 🤔
/u/ricemask [5'6" | HW:155 | UGW: 100 | 20F | 🍑: riceemask]
Created: Thu Oct 11 22:58:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nhehh/starving_pulling_an_all_nighter_and_forgetting_to/
Yesterday I had nothing much to eat, but I had to pull an all nighter to finish an essay. I’m currently in bed, with the biggest headache in my life and through the day I felt like I was going to pass out. I forgot to drink water and I don’t like tap water around campus bc god knows when they were last sanitized. I also forgot to eat because of my Wellbutrin. I also had class until like 9pm and was getting really dizzy. Then I had a handful of goldfish crackers and then tomato soup and Diet Coke for dinner.

Fuck I feel like I close to death isn’t this a torture tactic in other countries?? Jfc I know it was only one day but literally so glad to be in bed lol

My grandma always calls me fat
Created: Thu Oct 11 22:55:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nhdzc/my_grandma_always_calls_me_fat/
So I’m 14 and I was 190 I realized how big I was getting so I fasted on and off and now I’m 181.3 and I was just about to break my fast but decided against it when I was gonna eat a banana and my grandma took it from me and said what you eat sticks with you I told her I hadn’t eaten all day and she said that that was good because I wouldn’t wanna look like a slob as she took a bite of her ice cream. She always calls me fat and makes these comments on my weight telling me to never to eat until I’m full and to stop halfway

[Discussion] Post binge tips?
Created: Thu Oct 11 22:54:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nhdoh/post_binge_tips/
I’ve struggled with anorexia for years, always restricting and always in control. Recovered, but eventually got right back to the same old shit.

Today was the first day I have felt really...out of control...? Today was my first ‘binge’, I guess. Not like 500, but upwards of 4K calories or more. A lot of it wasn’t too terrible, but there was also a lot of cookies, fries, a burger, etc. It scared the shit out of me. It was so mindless and I couldn’t stop. I don’t want to go down the path of laxatives or purging, but it’s been hours and I still feel so fucking uncomfortable. Like the food is just sitting there. My stomach is huge, it hurts, and I can’t sleep. I’ve been drinking water, tea, etc. I wish I could go to the bathroom but I can’t.
What are your tips for post binge to help deal with the pain/bloating/guilt?

[Rant/Rave] I'm Unhealthy
/u/whitechocolateonly [5'8.5 | CW: 127 & BMI: 18.75 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 22:37:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nh9zo/im_unhealthy/
This is something I've finally admitted to myself today.

After a year of restricting, binging, fasting, overexercising, and then basically living off 10 food for these past few months I'm finally feeling the effects. I'm either binging or fasting and tired all the time, no matter how much sleep I get or how much nutritional yeast I eat and this is only getting worse. My skin is dull and lifeless compared to 5-6 months ago when I was still fasting and restricting but my diet had more variety. My hair is dry, breaking off (I lost huge chucks of hair when I detanged the other day), and a small bald spot is forming. Plus I can barely make it more than 24 hours into a fast without feeling weak now and my period is currently almost a week late. While I'm losing weight, I don't feel or look good. It's not even that I look "too thin", I just look like a sick, average weight person.

I live off 9 safe foods and 5/9 are carbs. All the other healthy foods that I used to love are foreign and scary to me now. I ate a banana today and it was fucking nerve wracking. If you gave me a bowl of watermelon or grapes that I used to love right now and forced me to eat them I know I would have a panic attack. I've been helping my mom plan her diet and when she asked me if there was anything I wanted to eat I didn't even have an answer because I'm so used to eating so few things. My life feels so different now than it did a year ago and people around me are starting to catch on. And while I feel so hopeless and I can see (and feel) the damage that is being done to my body, I'm too attached my disorder and too afraid to change or stop.

[Intro] I'm a giant pig with an eating disorder
Created: Thu Oct 11 22:27:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nh7tf/im_a_giant_pig_with_an_eating_disorder/
Hi, I'm bell. I'm currently 208 pounds with a start weight of 222 pounds. My ugw is 95 pounds. Anywho here's my story.

I used to be healthy I always had body image problems but by the time I was 13 it was working itself out and I was thin. Then the anxiety and depression started rapidly progressing. I was hospitalized and put on a plethora of medications. One of which being an anti psychotic called zyprexa. This medications biggest side effect is that it makes you eat like crazy! I had a huge appetite and I couldn't wait to eat all the time. I gained 30 pounds in a month. Eventually i was taken off of it as it wasn't effective. But the eating soon turned into binge eating.

By the time I was 15 I weighed around 200 pounds. It was strange watching my stomach begin to flop over, my arms wiggle, and my skin become loose. I was becoming increasingly unhappy with my body and the world spun around me, I ate more gaining upwards of 20 more pounds. Around may of last year, I began to realize that there may be a fix to my binge eating. The purging. So it began, the cycle. After only a few times of purging, I realized how serious this was becoming and I told my school nurse about all of my eating problems. She called my dad and had a meeting with me my counselor and him. She recommended that I see a dietitian.

After about a few months of no progress and no insurance, I convinced my parents I was ok to stop seeing the dietitian. My parents wanted me to lose weight. They criticized my eating habits when chocolate disappeared. My dad still tells me that if I lose weight I'll be a real "knock out". And my brother makes Fat jokes about me all too often. So when I began recently exercising every day, eating a little over 1000 cals a day and logging everything I did with a fit bit type watch, they've been cheering me on. I've been taking it in strides. My mother even gave me a scale so I can weight myself in the morning. They believe I'm just trying to get fit, but my thoughts are quite disordered, and I dont know how to stop them. I'm falling apart, I'm unhappy, and I can't get a grip on reality. It's like these intrusive disordered thoughts, they're comforting. Like a cooing mother to a baby they classify me. Give me something else to think about. When the truth is, I'm miserable.

Well that was horribly depressing. Anywho, lovely meeting you all! Anyone is welcome to contact me, my messages are always open. Stay safe darlings!

~bell ♡

the little things keep me going honestly :’^)
/u/fairshine [5’5 | 129 bs | 🍑: fairshine]
Created: Thu Oct 11 22:03:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nh24j/the_little_things_keep_me_going_honestly/
ok so i have just. been having the worst week. i’ve been stressed abt money and work and stuff so i’ve been binging like CRAY, subway on the damn daily, and i’m up like three pounds since my last weigh in and holy man do i ever want to die.

but i went to work today and my manager is visiting from mat leave, she left around two months ago to have her bb bean, and she brought the lil guy in to visit!

and she looks at me and the first words out of her mouth are “oh my god you look so good!!! have you been working out? you look absolutely amazing”

i could cry. i felt so good, i had a rye and full fat coke after work and didn’t even cry once.

it’s the little things y’all. happy thursday ❤️

I think I just purged
/u/cortizonegnome [5'3" | bingetastic CW: 107 | GW 97 | UGW 88 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 21:59:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nh0x9/i_think_i_just_purged/
I'm sorry I just need to say this somewhere I'll probably delete it idk. I have an orgo exam in a few hours that I didn't know existed bc I've been too depressed to go to class regularly. It's midnight and I've just washed down my caffeine pill with some monster (I have pretty bad insomnia too but I'm trying not to smoke that ku$h anymore so it's a good night for me when I'm asleep before the sun rises) but it isn't making me awake it's just making my heart race and idk I binged bc I'm stressed and my hearts racing and I have c/s for so long that basically I can't really swallow food anymore I just naturally spit it up but its So Much going in that it's adding up and I feel queasy so I tried to sip some water and then I felt the normal c/s spit up (I'm sorry this is disgusting) come up and then like pure acid in my mouth and I have no gag reflex so I've never puked and idk man like is this what purging is. I know not all the food is out but it made me feel a tiny bit better and idk if it'll happen again bc again I have no gag reflex so it's not like I can make it happen but then again maybe I can and idk where I'm going w this but hey mom I just purged for the first time wowwee. actually also hey mom to my real mom bc when I was a lil kiddo she always told me to just go throw up when I ate too much and when I told her I didn't know how/couldn't she said (in Chinese) "what's the big deal it's not hard just use the back of a toothbrush" and opened a new toothbrush box and directed me to the bathroom. I didn't do it I couldn't but maybe I'll tell her abt my progress:---)

What the fuck is the point?
Created: Thu Oct 11 21:51:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ngz58/what_the_fuck_is_the_point/
Eating and purging just to eat again.
I'm so stupid.

[Discussion] I wish I was fatter(or more muscular so-to-say)
/u/Belarie [5'4", 130, F :)]
Created: Thu Oct 11 21:46:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ngy5h/i_wish_i_was_fatteror_more_muscular_sotosay/
Honestly I found out my weight is actually 127 and not 135 like I thought it was, and it doesn’t make me any happier, just more stressed. Because I look the exact same, just this is how I look at 127 and not 135. I’m 5’4”, and the lowest weight I’ll allow myself to go to is comfortably 95, and maybe 90 lbs. I have at the most 37 lbs to lose 6 inches of my waist, 2-4 inches on my biceps, hit my goal weights, and everything else good. I can’t do it in that much pounds. the amount of fat I want to lose is more than the pounds between my weight right now and my ugw. Anybody else feel like this? I kind of wish I was fatter now. Need to start gaining muscle. Fml.

[Other] This may be becoming a little too normal, lol
Created: Thu Oct 11 21:36:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ngvv8/this_may_be_becoming_a_little_too_normal_lol/
I was just walking around the house, brushing my teeth, and when I went into the bathroom to spit and rinse at the sink like a normal person, I automatically stopped and bent over the commode. Lol! I may need to cool it on the binge & purge...

Things you enjoy doing alone?
/u/loseitjen [5'8 |SW 140|CW ?!|GW 115| F21]
Created: Thu Oct 11 21:25:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ngtak/things_you_enjoy_doing_alone/
So I have the entire day off tomorrow and will have no one to spend it with, what are some things you like to do alone (ideally out of the house)? If I'm at home I'll just binge but I also have slight irrational anxiety abt people staring at me when I'm alone in public?? I can get over that tho. Any suggestions welcome, I understand it depends on location!

[Discussion] Can anyone else relate to this?
/u/Babe-rahamLincoln [5'2" | CW: 110 | GW: 105 | UGW: 90 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 21:20:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ngs45/can_anyone_else_relate_to_this/
So I’m sure like a lot of you I’m kind of obsessed with knowing peoples’ h/w/bmi haha.

So when I shop for clothes online I read reviews where girls will we like “I’m 5’2 and 100 pounds and a small fits perfectly!” Which is great for rly petite girls who have trouble finding clothes small enough.
Anyway, sometimes they attach pictures in the clothes and you can just tell that they’re lying about their weight because you’re so obsessive with knowing what certain BMIs look like. Like for instance someone posted a pic saying they were 5’9 and 115 lbs, which would be soooo skinny (17 BMI) but they looked way heavier like at least 20 pounds.

Just something I noticed haha. Maybe I’m just weird though because who would anonymously lie about their weight?

[Rant/Rave] really need some support rn (sort of long sorry)
/u/teenytokki [5'1|108.3lbs|20.5|-14.7lbs|F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 21:11:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ngppz/really_need_some_support_rn_sort_of_long_sorry/
about a month ago i was hospitalized. 3-4 years of depression, anxiety, stress from ED, addiction, etc. culminated into me basically losing my mind in the first two weeks of my first college semester. i relapsed into my sleeping pill addiction, SHed, cried every day then felt numb for hours afterwards. it was a mess and i ended up attempting suicide, luckily failing, then showing up at the school psychologist's office the next day. she took one look at me and called an ambulance to send me to the hospital.

i was admitted to the child psychiatric ward for one week, and worked very hard to recover. i tried to keep my mind open and realized i couldn't live the rest of my life like this. the only thing i couldn't touch was my ED, but i felt so good in the weeks that followed i even considered recovering from that.

every day it gets better and easier, but as the months drag on my ED is back and better than ever. i think it truly does make me happy sometimes. however at other times, particularly rn, resisting a binge and praying i'll lose the water weight that magically appeared this morning, i'm afraid. when i get caught up in restricting and diet plans and thinspo i fall into the same dark, obsessive mindset that reminds me of how depressed i used to be. and it's only getting worse.

i sincerely want to recover. i love my life and i have so many exciting opportunities, and i am lucky to have a huge support system. but my ED is something very precious to me that i've shared with almost nobody. i have considered trying to recover from
my ED, but i can't. restricting makes me feel bad sometimes but eating a normal amount makes me feel 100x worse. even when i'm "done" (which i doubt i ever will be), i can't imagine eating more than OMAD, it genuinely sickens me. i guess i just need some support from people who understand, or advice from those are going through the same thing.

tl;dr recovering from depression, but ED poses risk at making me relapse or fall into a depressive thought pattern again

[Rant/Rave] I feel like I'm baited to make poor decisions
Created: Thu Oct 11 21:02:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ngnjj/i_feel_like_im_baited_to_make_poor_decisions/

Our power went out just as I was about to cook dinner. (6pm) Steak and other stuff probably. Skipped dinner. Ate a can of sugar free peaches instead. Husband didnt eat at all.

I then had a *mild* binge of oreos and peanut butter crackers -___-

Hours later (945pm) husband brings up pizza, and how we should have ordered it for dinner. I agree, and he says "well its not too late, maybe something is open"

I felt weak and excited for pizza. I didnt care that I couldn't afford the calories. I mean, I had already ruined my day andbinged a bit, why not add some fucking pjzza.. I hopped on my phone so quick and looked up the nearest pizza delivery place. I told him papa johns was still open!

He condescendingly says "ummm.... I was just.. joking" I was instantly pissed. Then he goes on about how we obviously aren't going to order pizza and eat at this time of night, this is the worst time to eat, blah blah blah.

I felt embarrassed. Like he baited me, like he wanted the fatty to get excited about pizza so he could laugh at my desperation, and Make me feel even more like a failure. Like he was testing me, if that makes sense.

I feel like this so often. From everybody around me.

I fucking hate food. I hate that I'm weak and spineless when it comes to food. I'm ashamed. I'm failing.

[Rant/Rave] it’s one of those nights when you look at thinspo and cry
/u/speedayyyy [5’7 | CW 162 | BMI 25.28 | GW 120 | 21F| ]
Created: Thu Oct 11 21:01:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ngn4f/its_one_of_those_nights_when_you_look_at_thinspo/
Fml. I’m going to get there eventually. I need to start exercising more. I need to restrict more. I need to fast for longer. 40 more fucking pounds to go and this has been the hardest to lose. Makes things worse that I’m getting my period so I’m weighing heavier and am super bloated and emotional :,( I just want to be skinny.. 52 pounds lost in 3 months is what I’ve accomplished so far but I need more. I need this.

[Help] Working out in bed??
/u/ihate-chicken [5’7” | CW:114 | 17.8 |]
Created: Thu Oct 11 20:57:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ngm3b/working_out_in_bed/
No, not sexually hahah

Anyone have workouts they do when laying down in bed watching Netflix? I just feel guilty laying here relaxing and I feel like some movement is better than nothing... I’m sick of just lifting my legs up and down

[Help] How do I handle my ED and my boyfriend
Created: Thu Oct 11 20:47:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ngjtz/how_do_i_handle_my_ed_and_my_boyfriend/
So I've been dating my best friend of four years for two months now. It's awesome. But of course, my ED controls everything.

I stay the night at his place on the weekends and he eats like a normal, regular person (how the fuck?! teach me). I have brought my own fruits and such to his place so I wouldn't have to eat out but now it's becoming a problem. He'll ask where I wanna get our meals from or what I want to eat... Nothing. I want to eat nothing. But obviously that's a little weird, and while fasting is the rage, I am underweight now and he's gonna notice that I fast every weekend (I can't fast during the week because people are watching.)

He's seen my self harm scars that cover my body so he knows I have issues, but how do I break this to him? How do I tell him I don't eat? Or how do I hide it from him? He's not the type to ask but he's gonna say something if I don't eat all weekend. Please help.

[Rant/Rave] Stream of consciousness
Created: Thu Oct 11 20:46:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ngjgw/stream_of_consciousness/
I deserve to starve

Starving is novacane to me. It leaves me with just enough energy to get some things done, but not enough to indulge in emotions

I deserve this punishment. I deserve restriction

Restriction leaves me barely here, and that is exactly what I crave

I deserve to shrink. To become smaller and quieter as everyone around me becomes louder and more demanding

*Ethereal*. That is my favorite word

I can only be ethereal if I'm thin

I want to be always on my way out, no one can catch me

I want to be silent. I want the disorder to speak for me. To do all the talking that I have become to exhausted to do

Because who listens to me anyways?

I'm nothing. So I deserve to eat, nothing

[Rant/Rave] When looking at yourself in the mirror makes you wanna binge.
Created: Thu Oct 11 20:45:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ngjba/when_looking_at_yourself_in_the_mirror_makes_you/
So I’ve been having a binge month. It’s one of those times where I don’t realize how much I’ve binged till I find out I’ve only successfully restricted like three days this month so far. I just discovered probably my biggest trigger:
Looking at myself in the mirror after several days / weeks of binging. Seeing the water weight piled onto where you swore it’d never come back again. Today I’ve been so good. Finally under 1200 calories. Just went to prepare for a bath, saw my body and holy crap. My first binge though came from looking at the product of binging. HOW IS THIS A THING

You’d think seeing myself at the worst I’ve been in months would be super motivating but instead it makes me wanna binge more ... why?! And equally when I’ve been amazing at restricting, ill look in the mirror and feel on top of the world. Just why, ED. No logic.

When I go out
Created: Thu Oct 11 20:36:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ngh07/when_i_go_out/
My fav game to play is spot the girl with the ED

[Rant/Rave] 1000 is too much
/u/vctrlcs [5'7" | CW: 128 | BMI: 19.9 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 20:00:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ng7yr/1000_is_too_much/
I haven’t posted here in a while because I was trying to eat semi-normally for a while but im back and somehow worse than ever. I used to restrict to 1200, sometimes 1300, which was 1-1.5 lbs per week because I’m tall.

but now I have my goal on mfp at 1000 and even that seems super high to me. If i go over 600 I start to freak out and feel like a fat slob and like I’m faking an eating disorder, which i know is insane at an 1100+ cal deficit but i am a nervous wreck.

i really just needed to rant a lil, thank u guys for listening. dae experience this??

[Rant/Rave] My friend doesn’t believe I’ve lost as much weight as I actually have.
Created: Thu Oct 11 19:55:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ng6jl/my_friend_doesnt_believe_ive_lost_as_much_weight/
I’ve been restricting for five months now. Not super strict (900cal a day with 1-2 binges a week), but I’ve lost 35lbs. Today, I saw a friend that I haven’t seen in about three months. She knows I’m “dieting” and today she asked how much I’ve lost since I began. I told her the truth because I’m not underweight or even normal weight, so my progress is still considered “good” for someone that’s “dieting”.

And she said, “Oh no, probably more like 15lbs? You still have a tummy, but you’ve definitely lost face weight.”

I still feel massive. Despite knowing I’ve lost 35lbs and 5” around the fattest part of my hips, I still feel the exact same. I look the exact same, to me. And her comment has cemented it for me that I do indeed look the same, to everyone else. My arms haven’t budged at all and they’re my biggest insecurity. They’re the size on my fucking calves. I am still a giant fatty blob and will forever be a giant fatty blob, even if I lose 70lbs. I’ve restricted all day since seeing her because I know I’m going to see her again in like two weeks and I want to be another -5lbs by then.

[Help] I need help
Created: Thu Oct 11 19:42:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ng3aj/i_need_help/
I'm going on vacation with my bf and his mom and I know it's going to be weird if I don't eat around them. What can I do? Im so terrified of gaining weight back.

Does anyone NOT secretly hate fat people?
/u/ChubbyBunny8 [5'2" | CW 140|GW 98 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 19:39:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ng2je/does_anyone_not_secretly_hate_fat_people/
Or is it literally everyone in the entire world? About once a month on this sub, there's someone whining about how they hate fat people, but they just can't help it! poor them! It's not their fault, they just have these feels about how gross and terrible fat people are. Cue 50 comments about OMG same! I feel so bad about it tho!

And it's not just here. Regular ass subs, like r aww, will randomly have these "I hate fat people but I feel bad about it" comments. Like feeling bad makes you a sympathetic person. JFC.

Is this everyone? I hate the fact that I'M fat but I truly don't care about anyone else's size. And don't get me started on the "but my tax dollars" arguments.

I'm just annoyed and feel kinda shitty that everyone seems to hate me for something that I already hate myself about.

[Rant/Rave] DAE hate when people are eating and make enjoyment noises?
/u/its_freaking_bats [5'7" | CW 125 | BMI 19.6 | GW 120 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 19:25:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nfyor/dae_hate_when_people_are_eating_and_make/
I get irrationally angry when people are eating and I hear them make comments or noises that express that they are enjoying their food. Like “mmmm” or “this is so good” while their mouths are still full of food. It makes me feel like restricting even more.

[Rant/Rave] The universe is telling me to restrict
/u/coconutfi [5'9" | 17.1 | 21F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 19:22:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nfy1f/the_universe_is_telling_me_to_restrict/
Driving to spend the weekend with my boyfriend. Hit a new low weight yesterday and am in the 16's. As I'm driving I'm debating whether I should try and get away with restricting or let myself splurge for a few days.

I kid you not I passed an electronic construction sign that said "RESTRICT ED" because the whole word couldn't fit on one line.

It took my messed up brain a few minutes to realize it meant to say "restricted". Literally a sign. Restricting it is👍🏻

[Rant/Rave] Good asf day and I wanna tell people who get it!
Created: Thu Oct 11 19:22:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nfxtx/good_asf_day_and_i_wanna_tell_people_who_get_it/
Went to the psychologist and was referred to to an MD for ADHD- which means A. My anxiety and stress due to lack of focus will be helped and B. My INSANE binge eating will hopefully stop.
Took a bronkaid today and restricted for the first time in *weeks* pretty effortlessly and I could honestly cry I’m so happy to not lose my shit around food for once.
Things are actually looking up.

[Rant/Rave] Roommate thinks he can bully me out of my ED lmao
Created: Thu Oct 11 19:20:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nfxip/roommate_thinks_he_can_bully_me_out_of_my_ed_lmao/
So I room with my best friend at uni and I think he actually cares about me but his ED logic is infuriating.

He constantly tells me I was so pretty when I was a healthy weight and feels the need to tell me I have no curves/ass/tits like 24/7. It's like his main source of humor. I mean, I make jokes about looking like a 12 year old boy every so often but this is exhausting.

I know where he's coming from but it feels like he thinks he's entitled to tell me how I can be most attractive. I have a boyfriend who accepts me as I am but the roomie is constantly on about "I'm not attracted to you because you're too thin" like I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE ATTRACTED TO ME EITHER WAY PLEASE AND THANK. YOU HAVE ZERO SAY.

It's getting to me. Not even because the comments offend me (which they don't, I'm gonna continue losing either way) but how the hell is it cool to tell me that I should gain weight so you'll find me attractive?!

idk fuck normies. just needed to rant

[Intro] Talk
/u/HotMessCentral [5'2.5" | 97 | 17.5 | -4.5 | F(Recovery)]
Created: Thu Oct 11 19:17:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nfwj1/talk/
Hey everyone

I've been kinda wanting to talk to someone who gets it. Hit me up via chat if you're interested

My interests/qualities:

* Being a failure pos
* Memes
* Coping with tragedy through memes
* Being a useless gay
* Volleyball
* Smartish but also a dumbass
* Taylor Swift (Queen)
* Liberal

I miss Fruta Planta
Created: Thu Oct 11 18:53:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nfqa8/i_miss_fruta_planta/
Does anyone else remember that stuff from back in the day? The only time I was thin in my life was when I was popping those pills.

Whenever someone says, "there's no such thing as an actual weight loss pill" I think back longingly to the Fruta Planta days lol.

[Discussion] The best feeling- a successful day one of a fast
/u/AtypANA [5'9 | CW 205.0 | HW 220 | LW 120 | GQ 🏳️‍🌈]
Created: Thu Oct 11 18:43:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nfnpp/the_best_feeling_a_successful_day_one_of_a_fast/

[Rant/Rave] Finally losing weight/ no binges and here is how
Created: Thu Oct 11 18:39:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nfmnt/finally_losing_weight_no_binges_and_here_is_how/
Eating 1,000 calories daily

Sticking to same EXACT food each day: protein bars before the gym, fasting after that until afternoon, and eating 93% lean Turkey breast for dinner... sometimes with a bit of bbq sauce.

Gym every morning, and walking to campus no matter what.

Daily weigh ins in the morning.

Listening to a thinspo playlist on spotify while browsing ProED.

Brushing my teeth after eating my last meal.

Going to sleep when I'm extremely depressed instead of eating.

Watching food review videos and Matt Stonie on YouTube when I'm craving food, but only once I'm in bed and my teeth are brushed so I don't binge.

Sucking sugar free Werthers caramels

Coffee... lots of it.

[Rant/Rave] Lmao i hate commercials
/u/ManWithTheHands [6'5" | HW-333 CW-242 GW-220 | 26.68 (so close) | -92 | 19M]
Created: Thu Oct 11 18:32:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nfkpp/lmao_i_hate_commercials/
Me: "I have myself lmao, I could stand to lost weight anyways" *goes back to restricting hardcore*

Entire world:"heY DID yOu kNow YOu caN Get a SHIt toN of FasT fO0d foR liKE No monEY!!??!?1??1?!?"

I'm so fat lmao, I have a hard time even seeing or hearing about junk food

[Rant/Rave] what the actual fuck is happening to me rn
/u/skeletonsofawhale [5'2| 130| -55 | 18F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 18:30:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nfk17/what_the_actual_fuck_is_happening_to_me_rn/
I normally eat 200 cals a day.

On monday I ate 1900.
On tuesday I ate 1500.
Yesterday I ate 1200.
Today I was sitting at a nice 900 today, and was ALREADY FULL too, but then I was like "hey you know what what would be cool? Some fucking bread and cheerios" and now I'm at 1580.

My maintence is 1600 so I know I'm not gaining any weight but GODDAMN how in the actual fuck do I get back in the program? I used to have such amazing self-control and I can feel myself slipping. I have to go back to restriction soon.

I used to love fasting, I used to love the feeling of ignoring the dinner that my parents made for me. I used to get full off of a single smoothie. Today I had 5 fucking meals. Five!!! Plus the idea of fasting is becoming bleh to me. What is happening????????

I've lost a shit ton of weight and I'm fairly happy with my body now, but I have more weight to lose. I mean, technically, I'm really just putting my weight loss on pause, but it's still scary as fuck. I want the weight gone FAST. To slow down my progress, even if it's just for a week is scary. I need to get back in the mojo, but there's a part of me that really doesn't want to, and now I'm scared that I'll relapse into BED.

[Rant/Rave] I hate my height
Created: Thu Oct 11 18:25:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nfipg/i_hate_my_height/
I'm 5 foot 4, and I would do anything to just be like 5 foot 7 or above. I feel like I'm so short, and even though my legs are a normal proportion to the rest of my body it kills me because I want so badly to have these like amazing long legs. Sometimes it's really discouraging to me, because I feel like no matter what I get my weight to it won't really matter, because I can't make myself taller. I never used to care until I realized that like every celebrity I want to look like is like 5 foot 8 minimum. Lol I curse the day I even noticed it.

I have been doing so well with restricting for the past two weeks!
/u/robreinerismydad [5’9”| 177| F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 18:19:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nfh7a/i_have_been_doing_so_well_with_restricting_for/
Hope I’m not jinxing it. I’m doing 1000 calories a day and rocking it. Even last weekend! I never am able to restrict on weekends but I did it. Tonight we went out for thai food and I just picked at some veggies and shrimp. First goal weight is 160 and then we’ll see where I go from there.

Created: Thu Oct 11 18:17:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nfgr0/revised/

[Rant/Rave] my new boyfriend has anorexia
Created: Thu Oct 11 18:05:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nfd81/my_new_boyfriend_has_anorexia/
i'm (kinda) recovered but at a really shitty point in my life fyi so relapse is imminent anyway

it almost feels like a competition? he is VERY frail and much further along than I since I have been in recovery. but again i have been in a horrible point in my life so i am more susceptible to catching on to these behaviors again. i love him and i really want to support him but i am not in a state of rational mindset to see past my eating disorder. i don't know. obviously i am not going to try and change him or anything but i know how fucking hellish my ED was at it's peak + he is such a smart sensitive guy and it hurts me to see him suffering. plus i always feel shitty bc i gained most of the weight back and i am overweight now. so i'm secretly convinced he finds me fucking disgusting which further fuels my ED brain. i love him and want him to be healthy but we both feel that urge to partake in ED behaviors and shit (at least he doesnt pressure me to go out and eat lol)

i'm just at a loss for how to feel i guess

[Rant/Rave] Debating buying cigarettes right now
Created: Thu Oct 11 17:54:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nfa73/debating_buying_cigarettes_right_now/
I stopped smoking last spring (read: I don’t buy packs but I also don’t decline if offered a drag ha) and I’m glad I did because I know it’s terrible for you, I smoke so much weed already, and I hate the smell that lingers forever.

But I really want to buy a pack. Idk why. I just really really want one right now. 7/11 is across the street. But a pack is 20, and 20 is a lot of cigarettes, and I have poor self control.

I want to say that if I buy one pack I won’t buy another when I finish it, but I can’t promise, and I don’t want to get back into that habit.

I restricted for over 48 hours (my first fast over 24 hours!) and broke it with vodka (no it’s fine, it’s totally healthy, it’s “fasting” ok, and now I’m loading up on carbs ok?) and I just want a damn American Spirit.

I don't know what to do
Created: Thu Oct 11 17:41:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nf6kn/i_dont_know_what_to_do/
I gave myself knee tendonitis when I went to hard jogging a week and a half ago. Since then I haven't been able to move properly (I'm an obsessive walker, and I haven't even been able to move enough to clean my own damn apartment), which has been freaking me out.

If I go to the doctor it will cost me like a hundred dollars, and they'll give me a z pack, which is steroids, and make me ravenously hungry for 2-3 days (like 3000+ calories and still hungry level hungry when I'm usually satiated on ~1000), but I'll be better within a week.

If I don't go to a doctor I'll have another 3+ weeks of not being able to move and pain.

I honestly have no idea which option is better or what I should do... I'm tired of hobbling but I'm also poor and love restricting...

[Discussion] comments people have made that stuck
/u/poppybasket [5’10 | cw130 gw 115 | 17F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 16:57:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9neujs/comments_people_have_made_that_stuck/
mine are:

third grade, from somebody’s mom while i was eating some halloween candy on a field trip “keep eating like that and you won’t be twiggy anymore!” (that was my nickname in primary school)

seventh grade, from a ‘class clown’ dude in my english class “shut up you anorexic lesbian bitch” + later, “long neck ass bitch”

sophomore year, from a girl who was on my team for a year until she graduated “yeah the new uniforms are cute even though you’re built so weird”

this year, from my english teacher as i was complaining to my friend about how ridiculously cold his room is “hey, maybe wear a sweater or bring a hot beverage or eat more”

there are more but these sashay into my brain most often, what are some of the annoying remarks about your body/food habits that stick with you?

[Help] How to break a plateau?
/u/lostandlonley333 [5"2 | CW:108 | 19.9 | -30.6| F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 16:57:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9neue1/how_to_break_a_plateau/
I've been stuck at 49.3kg (108lb) for a week and a half now and I don't know how to break this plateau. I have been restricting at 1000 cals a day and have even tried binging and fasting to try get the woosh effect thing but nothing has worked.

What have you guys done that has effectively worked to break a plateau?

If you think we're disordered...
/u/iamsplendid [bingy | 6'3" | S: 340 C: 225 G: 160 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 16:50:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nesmq/if_you_think_were_disordered/
There is a live channel on Reddit right now, with 100k viewers atm, where users are counting to God knows what number. They were in the upper 9 millions last I saw. It's literally nothing but users tossing numbers into the thread, +1 each time.
And people think we're fucked up.

[Rant/Rave] vacation and maintenance 💀
/u/crossdressingcarp [5’10 | 20 | f | cw: 🐘 | 🍑🌱🐻]
Created: Thu Oct 11 16:40:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9neppl/vacation_and_maintenance/
im on vacation with my best friend right now and decide to just not worry about calories as much, eat around maintenance and have a good time.... but i feel miserable and like i have gained a million pounds — but the silver lining is that at least i have enough calories left to drink that sorrow away though 😎

[Help] Forced recovery?
Created: Thu Oct 11 16:39:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nepkj/forced_recovery/
So... I’m currently being made to follow a meal plan (TBD), not excercise, meet with a team, all of that... or I’ll be forced out of school. And I’m terrified. I’m terrified I won’t be able to do it, or that I’ll gain weight, or that I’m just being a burden on everyone around me. I don’t know what to do but I CANNOT leave college right now. I’m also not ready yet to stop losing weight, I was 1/2 a pound from being underweight. With frequent checkups and all of that, is there any way I can get around this? Keep losing despite it all and get to remain in school? I just need advice and support right now, I feel so lost...

[Discussion] is anyone else already planning on a massive cheat day for halloween? what do you want to eat? 🎃
/u/pistachiocreams [63"| 105.5 | -18 | F :pupper:]
Created: Thu Oct 11 16:35:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9neodv/is_anyone_else_already_planning_on_a_massive/

Please help! Is there any chance this is over 1000 cal?
/u/lilmdjd [5’3 | CW: 130 | BMI: 23 | LW: 94| - 17| 23F ]
Created: Thu Oct 11 16:32:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9neno2/please_help_is_there_any_chance_this_is_over_1000/

How easy do you find restricting? Also I think I'm under-estimating my calorie intake.
/u/mentalcasethrowaway [1.71m | SW: 69.7kg | CW: 65.7kg | GW: 60kg, 54kg, 50kg | F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 16:20:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nejz5/how_easy_do_you_find_restricting_also_i_think_im/
I started my current restriction regime a week ago and I'm really worried that I'm not doing it right because in theory I should be starving right now but I feel fine.

I haven't been hungry once. What gives?? I feel the same as I ever am but my calorie count for the past few days is:





(going from 3 days ago to today). 800 is my daily limit, which I thought would be hard but I've brought it further and further down each day and today I ate a meal that I didn't even want. It was 120g of rice with pork and vegetables that I didn't even need or desire. MyFitnessPal says it was 301kCal. Shouldn't it be way more than that? I mean it's still like less than half of what I usually eat. But if I hadn't eaten it I could have written 174 on my daily log instead of 475.

I have also lost 4kg in five days, which seems ridiculous. Am I just finding it easy because it's the first week? Will the hunger kick in soon? Every low-cal diet page on the internet warns that it's really hard and that I'm likely to 'break' quickly. I'm so scared of that happening. I don't want to give up! I secretly hope that I'm some kind of superhero who doesn't feel hunger easily, or that the reasons I'm doing this have overridden any feelings of hunger in my brain.

[Rant/Rave] The more weight I lose, the more fat I look... and the more I hate myself.
/u/aliswho [5'10.5 | CW: 127.1lbs | GW: 91lbs | 16F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 16:04:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nefb0/the_more_weight_i_lose_the_more_fat_i_look_and/
I went down two jean sizes but I look more bloated for some reason, I actually look fatter. I don't get it, I've lost so much weight but I still feel like a huge whale? WHAT?! This doesn't sound very logical but the more weight I lose, the more I hate myself because I feel fatter!

Does anybody else have this problem?!

[Rant/Rave] Can i just talk about christmas eve of two yesrs ago
Created: Thu Oct 11 15:58:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nedk3/can_i_just_talk_about_christmas_eve_of_two_yesrs/
So we do Christmas Eve at my grandma's and she always gets lasagna from this small Italian restaurant. That year she also got some Italian meets (salami is my weakness) and Italian cookies along with a big tray of salad covered in oranges and sliced tomatoes. I always get dressed up for Christmas and I was at a pretty low weight for me at the time probably 100# maybe a little less and I'm 5'2" so that's just the top of underweight, nothing scary these people saw me at 80 some odd pounds get a feeding tube the year before when I had c-diff that caused smas. Like we all know I'm supposed to be 108 so I have a "safety net" but I like myself at 106 and love how I look in the double digits. The point is I was skinny sure but let's not go thinking I was dangerously skinny and when my sister (same height or close enough) weighed about 100# nobody cared or was worried or anything.

My sister and I always get dressed up for Christmas Eve and I blew her out of the water that year (she saw what I was wearing and suddenly decided to change so that made me feel good). I wore a red mini bodycon style skirt with a black cropped top and theigh high black socks with black pumps. I looked and felt awesome and hadn't eaten all day so I wouldn't feel so bad about the inevitable two day binge.

So I'm at Grandma's standing in the kitchen getting my food and she never just sits down and eats she's always got to do something so it was just me and her in the kitchen as everyone else had grabbed their food and was in the living room/on the porch. I'm loading up my plate with a massive portion of lasagna with loads of extra marana and parm on top and then a little pile of cured meats on the side and some more bread with olive oil and parm. Left the salad because I don't like strawberries or oranges. And I'm grabbing a ginger ale and grandma is all "one post are you okay?" Yeah grandma I'm good you should get some food and come sit down with us, why do you ask? "You look so skinny I was worried you might be sick." No grandma I'm okay really I feel great (and inside I'm screaming at her to shut up because I don't want them all to watch me any closer but also yay I'm sick skinny!).

Okay go to the living room sit by boyfriend put down plate and start to eat. My 'aunt' says "onepost, you look so sexy" thank you "no really you look like a Victoria secret model" oh thank you but I'll never be as tall as them ( internally oh my God I'm skinny! Oh my God she says I look like a VICTORIA SECRET MODEL!!!!!!!!!). Then she started to get wierd because that's who she is "oh onepost's bf, how do you feel having such a sexy girlfriend?" In front of my dad my grandpa my sister my uncle... He brushed it off saying something about how it's nice. Then she started to get upset I think. She asked me how I lost the weight I told her calorie counting which is something she already knew. Everyone knows I'm calorie counting, some think it's obsessive but typically keep it to themselves. This fucking bitch "how many calories are in that soda?" 124, it says it on the can "and that's a lot of bread that's a lot of calories too" yeah it is a lot of calories it's probably roughly 100calories and then I added roughly a table spoon of olive oil so that's 120cal and then maybe a little under half an ounce of cheese I'd guess so that's probably another 50-60 cal (internally: please stop talking about this I'm trying to eat!). More time goes on more food is eaten by more people, she's bitching about her gastric bypass and how she regained a lot of the weight, guys this woman was trying to force herself to eat a full cheese burger she streached it back out because she was bitching that she couldn't eat as much. Like. Anyway she's still talking about calories and she's like not reading the room and she takes another little jab at me, she says "onepost you'll gain it back too, you've had a lot of calories." I flipped and spoke a bit too firmly and said I'm not going to ruin everything with one day, one day of not restricting my calories won't make me gain the weight back because it's one day and it's been a long time since I've eaten like this, and I didn't loose all the weight in one day so I won't gain it all back in one day. My dad thankfully said "that's right" and nodded very approvingly. He's obese but he understands how I've lost weight and he's the one person in my family that didn't question CICO and actually was very proud of me because he is a scientist and therefore loves logic based methods of weight loss. Finally 'aunt' stopped.

Tldr fuck you if you call me skinny or worry about me but fuck you if you don't and fuck you if you want to talk about calories and fuck you if you don't and please don't take our feelings about your body and make it my fucking problem and don't fucking compliment me if you then get jealous like why wtf fuck family gathering all this would have been so different if these were friends ugh


Being ok with eating more?
Created: Thu Oct 11 15:47:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9neabx/being_ok_with_eating_more/
Have any of y’all had success with increasing calorie goals and feeling ok about it? This time last year I was doing about 1000/day but now anything more than 500 feels like a failure. Which is just so fucking stupid because now inevitably if I eat more than 500 it triggers b/p which is so much worse than just eating 1000.

Help lol

Just went through my bank statement. Spent over $500 eating out/binge eating last month...
Created: Thu Oct 11 15:37:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ne7if/just_went_through_my_bank_statement_spent_over/
I kind of went off the deep end due to stress and traveling. I have been having so much fun on the road with friends (like six road trips in the past two months), but when I'm alone again I'll eat 2-3 fast food meals at once. I hate myself.


Gotta get back on the horse this month... Can't afford anything else.

[Rant/Rave] The struggle between wanting to be -5 pounds and not being weak as shit (also, hi, I’m new here)
Created: Thu Oct 11 15:35:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ne720/the_struggle_between_wanting_to_be_5_pounds_and/
I want to start by saying I’ve been lurking here for a while, few times a day... all of your support is amazing. I relate to so much here. I’ve been in a lot of self denial - telling myself i’m perfectly fine and my habits are fine, but then fasting for days after only eating 1000 calories. Meticulously counting, being afraid to eat or getting frustrated at my second half for giving me a choice of eating after I got to 28hrs of fasting.. when I didn’t want to have a choice... because it stresses me out and given a choice, I don’t want to eat and that makes him stress about me 🙃
The relationship with food is rocky to say the least.

Anyways. I’m 5’0.5 and currently weight 103 lbs. I SHOULD be 99 (and wish I could get even more under but it feels impossible when this short) but I’ve been eating more lately cause my will power has been shit (and then restricting or fasting) so I’m waiting for some kind of WOosh in the weight to make me feel better and back to normal but it ain’t happening.


I want to have slim legs. That is all I’ve ever wanted. I lost 20 pounds and they are still thicc af. I thought that once I got to 100 lbs, I’d look amazing and could just workout and have the HoT bod I’ve always dreamed of

Instead, the muscles in my legs from all my running make my legs only look thicker (How did this even happen at a deficit????)
But, if I restrict more, I will lose my muscle and any work i’ve put into it so far will go to nothing
I also wouldn’t be able to work on gaining any strength
BUT when I work on it, as soon as I gain anything, I freak out and restrict ASAP
when I eat at maintenance to compromise i just end up gaining weight
I know I know
it might be water weight.. it’s muscle...etc etc
but like. I feel bloated. I feel like I can see the extra weight everywhere. I feel ugly when the scale goes up at all

I do martial arts and everyone is a higher weight than me. I feel good being smaller, but everyone just crushes me too cause i’m weak. I want to be small. I want to be tiny. But I also want to be strong and kick some ass.

It seems there is no way to get there with this ED thinking. I can’t gain weight because I feel like shit. I don’t want to lose more because I feel like shit. BUT i also want to lose more to get the body I imagine in my head.

Everyone says I look thin now and whatnot. But I don’t see it. I just have huge legs.

Okay, sorry for disorganized or disordered (heh) rant :(

What do you guys do to combat this back and forth thinking with working out and eating??

i need a buddy
Created: Thu Oct 11 15:27:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ne4p2/i_need_a_buddy/

[Discussion] DAE feel like a failure if they eat when they're hungry?
Created: Thu Oct 11 15:26:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ne44s/dae_feel_like_a_failure_if_they_eat_when_theyre/
Mods can you tag this as a discussion please? I'm on mobile

So there's a bit more than just the title. Does anyone feel okay eating at "mealtimes" when they're not hungry? I do, and I think it's because I know I'll eat less when I'm not physically hungry, and it feels like I'm controlling the eating because I'm not doing it out of hunger. But if I eat at mealtime when I am hungry I feel like I've failed because I've "given in" and letting the hunger control me.

This is all separate from any binging I do. If I binge, whether I'm hungry or not, I just hate myself.

So, does anyone relate to that? I feel like I see stuff that's opposite to how I feel so I wanna know if I'm alone in that.

Do you think this could be more than 1000 cal?
/u/lilmdjd [5’3 | CW: 130 | BMI: 23 | LW: 94| - 17| 23F ]
Created: Thu Oct 11 15:24:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ne3p5/do_you_think_this_could_be_more_than_1000_cal/

[Rant/Rave] Even when I restrict and exercise, I still feel like a failure.
/u/justadumbkid1 [5’5|145.2 lbs|-40|23.7 BMI|F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 15:24:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ne3n6/even_when_i_restrict_and_exercise_i_still_feel/
Does anyone else relate? Its like, sure, I only ate 300 calories and I burned ~800 calories on the stationary bike at the gym today, but maybeee I shouldn’t have eaten that 120 calorie fiber bar for breakfast, or I should have burned an extra 100 or 200 calories on the bike?

Damn I am fucked up lol 😂

[Other] Aaaa I’m out of here cya
/u/blmatsuu [5'2 🍁 92.5 🍁 16.9 🍁 -58]
Created: Thu Oct 11 15:11:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ndzk2/aaaa_im_out_of_here_cya/
I’ve pretty much lived here the past few months; this is a really nice community and you absolute fuckin angels have supported me through so much and I appreciate you all a ton :’)

But after therapy threatening to hospitalise me and making me get weekly blood tests and ECGs and kicking me out of DBT therapy, I’ve realised I should chill with the weight loss and try to ‘recover’. I don’t want to but I’m miserable, losing weight is one of the only things I’m decent at and now that options been taken away from me and there’s nothing else to do but give in and at least try to maintain.

I’ve been eating a lot more than usual, and even though I’ve felt guilty it’s been nice. This week I’ve had so many foods I’ve not let myself had in months, even years, and it’s made me realise how much I missed being able to eat whatever I want whenever I want. But I’m not letting myself get overweight this time. I’ll stick to 1200-1500 calories a day which should be enough to maintain but still be able to have a bit of junk and stuff.

I’m scared of what the future’s going to be like and I hope I can prove to therapy that yes, I’m competent enough to restart the DBT and yes, I can maintain my weight and no, I don’t need blood tests.

But as long as I’m doing this kinda-recovery thing I want to distance myself from ED subreddits and mpa and all that shit. I love being here but now I can’t restrict and I’m not losing I feel like I don’t really belong here. I’ll probably be back one day, but for now it’s time to unsub.

Thanks for everything and all the support y’all have given me, I’m off to have a burger and fries and ngl I’m fucking excited for once in my life haha. Peace out, cya later ✌️

Visiting my parents overnight tomorrow - I can only restrict
Created: Thu Oct 11 15:04:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ndxhd/visiting_my_parents_overnight_tomorrow_i_can_only/
Plan is to fast all day until teatime & then have ~400cal meal & a cheeky 2l water, I really wanna purge too but they’ll hear me and there won’t be any point if I wait until Saturday and this is the worst :( I know the shitty comments are coming up too and I just want to be so underweight I scare people but I don’t want people to see me at all until I hit my GW but my parents friends are over tomorrow night too, I should never have agreed to go and stay 💔💔

If anyone’s looking for a good TDEE calculator....
/u/areddittoshowoff [161cm | C: 60kg | G: 54kg | -14kg | F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 15:01:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ndwgi/if_anyones_looking_for_a_good_tdee_calculator/
[This one is really good.](https://damnripped.com/tdee-calculator/) It uses your daily activity AND your exercise level to figure it out. It feels more accurate!!

[Rant/Rave] I'm pretty sure some of my friends know i have these issues
/u/audreyhepburnwho [no binge October~ Halloween goal 68kg cw 73kg]
Created: Thu Oct 11 14:59:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ndvvn/im_pretty_sure_some_of_my_friends_know_i_have/
And i dont want them to - but I'm pretty sure they do and sometimes i wonder why none of them has asked me about it. I've been over here slowly killing myself for a decade and at some points in my life i was almost open about it. Maybe they're used to my sense of humor. Maybe when i say i hope i starve to death so I don't have to worry about calories they think it's just a joke. Maybe when I say I'm surprised ive made it to 25 years of life they think it's a quirky remark... Why has no one seriously asked about it though. Rationally, i know they probably have their own shit going on. But emotionally, i kinda wish someone would force me to talk about this because it feels fucking lonely. I just wish sometimes that someone would KNOW, without me having to say it, and they would tell me i can reach out when shit gets real. I have some amazing friends but the last thing i wanna do is force my mental baggage on them. Happy mental health day guys...

Created: Thu Oct 11 14:51:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ndtcm/so_close_to_a_goal_and_i_just_want_to_binge/
I've been navigating though the terrible 130s for like 3 weeks now, been restricting around 300 Cal's for most of that and just cannot seem to bump below. I've been sitting at like 130-131 for dayssssss. My brain just wants to fucking binge at this point because what's even the point of starving if I won't lose fucking weight.

[Rant/Rave] Im done
Created: Thu Oct 11 14:47:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ndrxz/im_done/
I might as well starve till I'm dead...
Another night another fight with the husband about him focusing his energy in working during a pregnancy that hasn't even happened yet..
Were going through fertility treatment and he seems to think that it's better for him to work than be at scans and all the other things... He can't even promise he'll be there when baby starts coming...
It makes me wonder why I'm evening trying to be healthy...
Ive started falling back into my old routine of starving myself and this time I'll just carry on till I die...

posted a selfie on instagram
/u/tonithepony [5'7 | SW: 272 | CW: 210 | GW: Not disgusting]
Created: Thu Oct 11 14:37:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ndoxl/posted_a_selfie_on_instagram/
and three guys immediately unfollowed me. LOL. imagine being pretty and having guys like the way you look?

[Rant/Rave] Can I just rant a little bit?
/u/Aprikoosi_flex [5'9" | cw 127 | gw 117 | ugw 110 | 26F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 14:35:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ndo67/can_i_just_rant_a_little_bit/
Mods please mark rant for me 😅

I am tired. I am so fucking tired. I work retail, and I support two people with my paycheck. I went to college and did well, but my anxiety and depression made me believe I couldn’t succeed so I dropped out. Now I can’t afford it.
I am tired. I moved to a new town thinking it would be a new start. I hate it here, but I’m too broke to move. My boyfriend won’t move because his family is here and we don’t pay rent. Regardless of this, I can’t afford to leave. He isn’t bad to me, but he’s emotionally absent. He also suffers from anxiety and depression. I don’t blame him, I’m just unfulfilled.
I am tired. Tired of being overweight, an alcoholic, a depressed piece of shit who can’t figure life out. I miss having horses and they’re my only drive to continue. The thought that I’ll get to ride and take care of them again someday.

Sorry for the rant. Sorry for feeling sorry for myself, but I needed to vent and have nowhere to do so. I had some good news this week: I won a $150 gift card for groceries at my job, I’m getting a raise to $15 an hour from $12.25, and I replanted my succulents. But it all boils down to nothing compared to my sadness. I hate this.

Thank you for reading, and I appreciate and love each and every one of you.

[Discussion] How often do you exercise?
Created: Thu Oct 11 14:28:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ndlzn/how_often_do_you_exercise/
And what do you do? Just curious, I know a lot of people with EDs don’t work out, but a lot do.

Also do you eat more calories on days you DO exercise?

I tend to exercise 5 days a week, 1.5-2 hours a day. I use YouTube videos lol, I don’t have the money to go to a gym rn :/ smh

[Other] Yooooo, Shout Out to Land O'Lakes
/u/nymphlotus [64in | 157 | 26.9 | -23lbs | Female]
Created: Thu Oct 11 14:18:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ndivp/yooooo_shout_out_to_land_olakes/
I had a really gross type of Land O'Lakes butter when I was like...10. And that turned me off to them for life. But I'm back on my bullshit and picked up some of their light butter with canola oil and salt. Bruh. 50 calories for like 1 tbsp. Melts amazing on toast. TASTES SO FUCKING GOOD. Better than the 70 cal butter I was using.

Why did I forsake you, Land O'Lakes? I was so wrong...

First post but need support about something my SO said.
Created: Thu Oct 11 14:16:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ndi3m/first_post_but_need_support_about_something_my_so/
So I usually lurk on this subreddit but my boyfriend of 2 years has driven me to my first post. I am at a loss.

We were arguing earlier today and he told me he was not physically attracted to me and would be more so if I was thinner. He knows I have had an eating disorder for most of my life. After the fact he apologized and told me he only said it to be hurtful. Now I don't know what to think. I'm afraid to be naked in front of him again.

How would you move forward? How do I forgive him for cutting me so deep?

[Goal] 120s baby!!!!!!
/u/Hairless_Human [6' | CW 132 | BMI 17.21 | WL -148 |M 21]
Created: Thu Oct 11 13:16:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ncyv9/120s_baby/
I did it. I fucking did it. 129lbs I feel so weak but so happy at the same time. This will all be worth it in the end. Only 29 more lbs to go. Sadly I have to up my calories a tad bit for work. So itll be a little slower weight loss. Fuck you 130s. You guys are not kidding when you say the 130s take forever.

How many pickles is too many?
/u/desertfractal [5'5"|CW:125|GW:109.9|21.05| 23F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 13:13:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ncxug/how_many_pickles_is_too_many/
I just ate like 8 pickles, am I okay? How many calories is that? They were medium/large

So I got my body composition tested today.....
/u/invincibletitan33 [5'4.5 | 52kg | F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 13:08:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ncw6o/so_i_got_my_body_composition_tested_today/
So I work in a hospital and they offered free body composition checks today so I went along cos curiosity.

So it turns out I'm normal weight (knew that sadly), and normal-low muscle mass but apparently my fat mass is 'under' - particular in the lower half of my body (explains my lack of butt). The dietician told me I should probably put more fat on 😂 yeah right!

My colleague who is the same age, height, same build, she does a lot of cardio and is vegetarian and eats really healthy got told she should lose 4kg of fat!

Feeling pretty good because I have way less that I thought (though how accurate are these body fat scales??) that I feel like it must be wrong?? But at the same time I'm gonna use this as motivation to lose weight and lose more fat.

[Discussion] Dreams / Nightmares
/u/kanaeshiki [5'4 | 131.5 | 22.6 | 18.5 lbs | F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 12:57:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ncsnf/dreams_nightmares/
I always dream vividly the more I restrict, last night had me wake up in a cold sweat. Without getting into detail, I had reached my UGW and fit into a cute tiny skirt that I have in my closet, while also being accepted into some sort of skinny girl sorority. But then there was a bathroom emergency. The dream BM felt so real / explosively gross, but all I could think about was "oh my god, I can't get any on my skirt!!". Priorities, right? Then I looked up the meaning when I woke up...


*To dream that you have diarrhea signifies that some part of your life is going out of control. You can no longer contain your strong emotions and need to get it out of your system quickly.*

Lol. Seems kind of obvious but I found it interesting how it played out in the dream. I've never abused laxatives but am currently on/off ADHD meds, which in turn is both helping (yay no appetite, focusing better at work, exercise feels sooo good) and hurting (boo heart palpitations and anxiety, mood all over the place, kinda jumpy / tweaky).


Have you had any crazy dreams or nightmares lately?

Anyone else using a guy breaking your heart to get down to your GW?
/u/letgoor [5'6 | 136 |GW: 125ish| F |add me on peach if u wanna b friends:)]
Created: Thu Oct 11 12:52:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ncr7m/anyone_else_using_a_guy_breaking_your_heart_to/
Ok so here’s the TL; DR:

I liked a guy. Spring of 2017. That’s 1.5 years ago. I liked him cuz he was cute and he told my friend I was “beautiful” so that made me like him more. Fast fwd a little bit of texting and I end up making out with him in his dorm after we smoked weed. nothing else happened but I’m a very conservative person when it comes to sex (still a Virgin) and I had never “hooked up” with a guy before at my college, so this was a huge deal. Long story short, after this happened he was a total dick to me and I ended up ghosting him. Months later, he asked me what he did wrong and I told him. I told him it would never work between us because of that

Now here is me today. A few things have changed since he last saw me this past spring. I got my braces off and my teeth are perfect now. I fixed an issue with my eyelid, which in turn made my face more symmetrical and attractive. I even got a boob job. I’m on my way to getting down to my goal weight. I perfected my skin care, makeup, and hair regimen, overhauled my wardrobe, and even started growing my nails. If I hadn’t stressed binged all summer, I’d be at my goal weight, but whatever.

All I need to do is get to my goal weight and get lip injections (my reward for losing weight) and I’ll be near perfect.

Here’s the kicker: I haven’t posted pictures of myself on any social media throughout any of these changes.

And all that’s motivating me rn is posting a snap story of my transformed self (since he still follows me on snap) and having him drunk-snap me (like he does occasionally.)

Yes it’s petty, yes it’s been 1.5 years, but I want him to know what he missed out on. I gave him a chance and he blew it, it was something I never did with anyone else and he treated me like I was just one of his other fuck buddies. Well guess what? I wasn’t. I want him to feel sorry for treating me badly.

I cannot WAIT until this plan comes to fruition. It’s keeping me motivated to stay at my 800 ca / day even when I want to binge.

Estimated time left: about 6 weeks. This has been a whole summer in the making.

Anyone else got stories like this? Who’s completely fueling you right now?

[Goal] no more b/p
/u/acrsita [Height 5'7| CW 47kg | BMI 16.5| Weight Lost ??| Gender ??]
Created: Thu Oct 11 12:51:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ncqly/no_more_bp/
i love love love fasting, but being around family always means i have to eat, so i end up binging and purging constantly as i can’t control myself after i’ve started eating and i know i have the opportunity to purge.

a normal day of eating for me is starving all day until dinner. at dinner i’ll eat the meal i have to, binge, and purge it all.

i hate it. purging takes up so much of my fucking day, it takes me up to 20 minutes a time these days. it also just stresses me out more.

so i’m going to start just low restricting, at least as well as i can. i’m sure i’ll still purge after i’m forced to eat something over 200 ish cal, but i’m not going to binge after meals because it’s ‘all coming up anyway’.

today all i had to eat was some fruit and some >200 cal soup, and i kept it down. purging for me doesn’t even have to get rid of all the food, i just have to at least get something up so a weight’s off my shoulders and so i feel cleaner. but today i didn’t do that, and i feel fine. i have new GWs, i have more hope than usual. i want to get back to my LW and below it. i want to stop the horrible, ceaseless cycle of binging and purging that just makes me maintain and want to kill myself. i want to be ana again.

[Rant/Rave] I hate my immune system and it hates me back
Created: Thu Oct 11 12:43:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nco9c/i_hate_my_immune_system_and_it_hates_me_back/
It's been 5 years since i started doing all this shit and this year my immune system finally decided to say fuck it. I have gotten sick 4 times this year. Like full on virus-fever-stay in bed kind of sick.

I literally got sick last week and it was fucking awful. I had a stomach flu or something and 4 days of diarrhea. I'd be happy for a free purge if it wasn't so awful and painful.

@mybody really??? NOW I start getting sick?? Now that I'm getting better (kind of)?? Fuck off. I didn't sign up for this.

[Discussion] what ive noticed while losing weight (TW weight numbers restriction)
/u/dollydomer [5'6 | 107.8|GW 100 |F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 12:43:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nco78/what_ive_noticed_while_losing_weight_tw_weight/

i’ve never been overweight. my highest weight was 123 after residential treatment and lowest was 100. i’ve never been severely underweight either

after treatment when i realized how much i weighed i tried to lose weight again. i believed that the weight they made me gain is not how much i am supposed to. people even said it. nobody thought i was fat they just all thought that i was made to be skinnier. which is true because 1) my family is skinny european and 2) i found the weight my body rests

i didn’t have to change much to start losing weight pretty fast. i got down to 112. before i got to that point i completely lied to everyone and said i was perfectly fine perfectly healthy and i don’t need help with food anymore i don’t get anxiety. so i refused to go to psychs and ed therapists and iop. and all the doctors believed i was okay to stop. so i did

i stayed at that weight (112) for a while but eventually fasted for quite a while (100) and a treatment friend told my mom. but my insurance didn’t cover treatment. however i didn’t want my mom to be on my back about it so i gained weight very quickly because i was sedentary for months at home. i stopped having such a big appetite all the time once i hit 112. (still a healthy weight for my height at the time)

what i have noticed is that i look great and feel great in between 112 and 123. i got many compliments and my mood was stable i had a stable period. now i am starving again and a lower weight and immediately stopped getting compliments. what i learned is that being skinny and sick is not what we are supposed to be. we (me very included) all idolize it and want to be skinny and boney and look sick maybe because of the aesthetic or maybe because we want to be the skinniest. but in reality it is not what we think it’ll be like

Final update!
/u/iToldAnotherLieToday [5'7| CW: 98.4 | 28F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 12:43:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nco6i/final_update/
I was weighed again this morning. I still drank all the liquid and put coins in my pockets and wore my heaviest jeans and shoes. I was up 10lbs instead of 14. It was still a suspicious jump for the nurses, but the numbers don’t lie 😏

I just transferred our last frozen embryo. In 11 days, I go in for my pregnancy blood tests. Until then, I will go back to eating at maintenance but also will need to increase my food calories to make up for the calories I won’t be drinking with alcohol.

Thanks for listening to my vents the last few days 🖤

[Help] This is so dumb but how tall am I?
/u/conuretrash [5'3.5''| 20 F | CW 148 | GW 115| -42 |]
Created: Thu Oct 11 12:32:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nckog/this_is_so_dumb_but_how_tall_am_i/
So I’m 64inches. According to google’s conversion that makes me 5’4” feet. But 64/12 is really 5.333. So am I 5’3.3”? Or five four? Idk! I know it’s stupid.

I know I could google this but I need some tips on breaking a vicious binge cycle.
/u/High_as_red [5'4 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 12:28:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ncj94/i_know_i_could_google_this_but_i_need_some_tips/
I'm in it really bad, been averaging 4000 calories a day for 2 weeks, WHILE im eating Im thinking about whats next. Before I get my plate I check how much more is in the pot for when I'm done. Then I take half my plate and put it away for later cause i dont want the food to stop, then while im waiting to eat the rest I eat other stuff. Pb sandwich, cup a soup, noodles, wine, soda, anything and everything I can find. This is not just me being a fatty, I have a serious problem its all I think about. Last night I took the entire container of potato salad " not gonna eat it all just dont wana make unecessary dishes " ... spoiler I ate it all like 500g potato salad in one sitting at 9pm after I had a massive lunch and didnt stop eating for more than 5 minutes all day. My stomach hurt SOOOO bad I wanted to die. I woke up during the night from pain. I woke up wanting to throw up but my body is INCAPABLE of vomiting I swear to god. I can stick a toothbrush in, finger my throat, i could have food poisoning and I CANT throw up. So I sat with that pain from overeating untill 11am this morning, and THE SECOND i felt better I got myself nearly 700g mac n cheese with bacon and sausage in. This is not normal fatty behaviour. I feel like the second the food stops I need to find new food. I ate all that mac and cheese and I didnt even feel full. Ive stretched out my stomach so bad. And all the help i google says " eat a healthy breakfast " JESUS when i start eating i do not stop till I pass out. If I have fucking breakfast that adds 4 more hours for me that i can eat. You guys I might seriously damage my esophagus i have extreme heartburn and 0 controll I need help its been 2 weeks and no one I know has a remote idea what this is. My mom says " eat less " websites say " eat more " .... Do you have ANY ... ANY advice please help me

[Discussion] DAE feel like you’d be happier at a lower weight that’s easier to maintain naturally if you’d been “better” at recovering when you first started treatment?
Created: Thu Oct 11 12:15:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ncf35/dae_feel_like_youd_be_happier_at_a_lower_weight/
I mean, obviously I needed treatment when I was at rock bottom ano. I prob would’ve died if I hadn’t be sent to get help. But I fucked around, jumped into lower levels of care before I was ready, didn’t really try hard to beat ED when I was back in the real world... 6 years later I’m sadder, uglier, fatter, and more complicated than I would’ve been if I just fucking agreed to recover in the first place.

Now my metabolism is beyond repair, I cannot function as an adult, I don’t know what true hunger or satiety even feels like anymore, I have 200% less friends, oh and I’m covered in fat and cellulite and hormonal breakouts because I allowed my ED to evolve into a bulimia/BED/restriction monster that ruined my brain and body.

If I had just followed the rules and recovered Instead of keeping one foot out the door, I honestly think I’d weigh less and look better.

Fasting every other day?
/u/sriracha_henny [5'2"/157 | CW: 149/68 | UGW: 97/44 | LW: 129 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 12:14:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ncepr/fasting_every_other_day/
Has anyone been able to sustain this? I’m kind of obsessed with fasting but I always fuck up around 36 hours and I do my progress, so I’m thinking I can just do 24hr every other day. I guess this might qualify as IF? I plan to fast one day, eat ~600cal the next, rinse and repeat. If anyone did this or something similar, how did it go?

[Tip] TIP: Add a tiny bit of real sugar to your fake sweeteners
/u/canarybones [5'1 | CW125 | BMI 23.6 | GW105 | 29F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 12:06:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ncc4y/tip_add_a_tiny_bit_of_real_sugar_to_your_fake/
It makes the whole thing taste like real sugar, I swear! For hot tea, I usually add a healthy pour of vanilla Skinny Syrup, then 3g of sugar. So that's about 10 calories, which I don't mind spending. It takes away that kind of deep \~emptiness\~ that's characteristic of artificial sweeteners.

[Rant/Rave] Nearly got caught purging. Fuck my awful nosy parents.
/u/WashiiTape [Height: 5'4 | CW: 119 | BMI: 19.4 | Gender: F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 12:04:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ncbll/nearly_got_caught_purging_fuck_my_awful_nosy/
The only bathroom in my house is right next to the guest room, and my parents are currently staying over. so i have to only restrict, and not purge, while they're here. They keep insisting "Oh you're looking too thin, you really should eat more!!" and its so awful they keep making us go out to eat and buffets and shit and trying to get me to eat more. So I gave in and ate a ton, and as soon as we got home i locked the door to my bedroom and planned to get rid of it all in the trash can. But oh fucking boy they figured out where my bedroom key is and after hearing me throwing up (guess the music i played to drown it out wasnt loud enough) they ran in to come baby me like "Oh honey are you sick?? is it food poisoning? we should go talk to the manager of the restaurant" god! stop! being! so! intrusive! ive gone from being 115 pounds to 118 in the week and a half they've been here. its their whole fault i have an ed and now suddenly theyve decided to give a shit about my wellbeing? FML.

[Rant/Rave] I ate 750 calories of bananas today and I don’t even feel guilty about it.
/u/fxckyouaurora [166cm|51.5kg|F25|🍑]
Created: Thu Oct 11 11:56:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nc8x1/i_ate_750_calories_of_bananas_today_and_i_dont/
a few things. I told myself I was allowed to do this because I usually restrict for 1-2 days then always binge on day 3 (on takeouts and stuff) so I told myself I can overeat but only if it was the ‘nanas. idk why bananas, don’t question me.

anyway, my usual routine of an almost/accidental cereal and soy milk mono came to about the same amount.

food total for today ~ 1600 idk.

I drank loads of tea (with milk) and I’m having beeeer (because it doesn’t count and you can fight me on that) and all in all land on about 2600.
this is okay for two reasons:

1. I’m having a fuckin rough time lately and my relationship is taking a hit that we can only try and work through.

2. I refused all the dohnuts/flapjacks/cookies/other shite that had been free-for-all in the kitchen at work since 11am.

3. didn’t purge. and THAT is a damn win. IN FACT I haven’t purged in three fckin days so yes to beer, hell yes to beer.

* sorry for the ramble. already tipsy. just trying to explain myself???? idk guys. but even your worst days can have okay moments I guess.

If people start to treat me better as I lose weight.....
/u/xlilgirlpoptartx [5'7 | CW: 203 | SW: 245 | GW:135 | F/37]
Created: Thu Oct 11 11:48:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nc6bx/if_people_start_to_treat_me_better_as_i_lose/
....I’m going to be really upset. I know it might feel nicer on the surface, but I’m gonna know it about the people who treat me like shit now, and I’m gonna assume it about people I don’t yet know.

I kind of hate 99% of people to begin with, it’s more than just being an introvert though, I just find most people overly judgmental and shallow and it annoys the fuck out of me, even just hearing other people’s conversations in stores or restaurants makes me want to slap them for the dumb shit they say....

But if they start telling me how good I look, which is even starting to happen now, or just makes me angry, it shouldn’t, but it just takes my mind to a dark place where I realize that everyone just cares how you look and not about who you are as a person....

So yeah I’m gonna be mad if I lose the weight and mad if I don’t....fuck this shitty disorder in my brain.

I got a new motivator at the worst time
/u/finnkat [5'3 | 90lbs | 16.4 | 19f]
Created: Thu Oct 11 11:46:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nc5tx/i_got_a_new_motivator_at_the_worst_time/
I have a doctor's appointment coming up and for some reason that's been motivating me to not eat at all. I want to be the lowest weight I can possibly be when I get there even though I don't want her to talk to me about it. I don't know what the deal with my brain is, that makes no sense at all, I don't even know what I would say if she brings it up. But, that doesn't stop me from not eating until I go. Unfortunately, I've also been sick and it seems like the less I eat, the worse it gets. I had to call in from work this week and on that day I slept a bunch and ate like a normal person and I felt sooo much better afterwards, but since that day I've been restricting again and I've just been getting sicker to the point that I had a fever yesterday :( I hate being sick and I want to get better but some part of me thinks that if I'm more than 90lbs when I get weighed at the doctor's, she's gonna think I'm a huge fatass or something.

[Rant/Rave] I didn’t gain weight!!!
Created: Thu Oct 11 11:41:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nc4ab/i_didnt_gain_weight/
So I binged for 4 days straight and restricted for 2 and yet I didn’t gain weight 😩😩😩 I’m so happy. I was super scared to get on the scale.

[Rant/Rave] im so mad at my body right now
Created: Thu Oct 11 11:02:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nbrr8/im_so_mad_at_my_body_right_now/
word vomit about this stupid fucking plateau, just need to get it out

i have not hit below 142.3. its been 13 days. my weight has bounced between 142.3-148 (>:( wtf body 6 whole ass pounds) the entire time.... my intake has upped a bit, but its still on average below 1100/daily for the past 12 days, and im more active than i was previously. i weigh almost everything i eat, and what i dont weigh id have to eat an insane amount of for it to push me over maintenance... or if its eating out, i pick the largest entry option available and fast/restrict high the next day, so even if its wrong and higher it shouldnt make me maintain.

it is driving me insane.

i just spent 30 min doing all the math (average BMR + cals burnt at average steps - average daily intake. couple different formulas and calculators) and i shouldve lost at LEAST 2.5-3lbs by now, easy. i SHOULD be like 139.9 or at least 140 by freaking now.

my periods coming soon, probably partially that. salt intakes a bit high, fibers a bit low. also probably contributing. i also just saw a 15 lb in one month loss so i should expect to plateau a bit because i tend to lose weight in spurts. i usually lose really well during and after my period then halt after i ovulate and bloat up 2-6 lbs. i know its not fat, i know its water. i KNOW the whoosh is coming. but holy shit. mentally, its so so hard. every day i look in the mirror i look bigger.

i feel like dirt. i feel huge, fatter than i did 15 lbs heavier, and so ugly. ive been living in leggings, my exes 2X sweatshirt, and a baseball hat. the stress is making me binge-y/eat more because im stressed, still well below tdee, but higher and its making me anxious. like i know its water weight and im still losing fat but its stressing me out so much im just slowing my progress more!!!! i want to be back in the 130s so, so, so bad. its like a switch, i feel way more confident and ill be within 4 lbs of a healthy BMI and its the point where every pound i lose starts to be more and more noticeable to others, ill be within 10 lbs of the 120s which i have never hit as an adult and is a huge goal/milestone for me. my dysmorphia is temporarily abated for a bit. im missing all my fucking date goals and i could be fat as shit on halloween still because of this fucking plateau.

today im liquid fasting and chugging water like nobodies business. not even gonna do broth today to see if the lack of salt helps. every time i go pee i weigh myself after and then chug another glass of water. ugh. i hate this so much. i miss the daily high of seeing .3 or .5 lost every day. it makes it feel like theres no point in restricting and im destined to be fat and it usually triggers a HUGE binge phase but i am determined to see this through. ive never had a plateau last longer than 2.5 weeks, i just need to make it like 5 more days restricting decently and drinking tons of water and i KNOW ill see the drop soon. itll be so satisfying when i do. im using it as motivation. i can get through this, i wont eat all my feelings. ill channel them into being productive for school and working out more, ill feel happier doing that than i ever will mid or post binge. im not going to eat until im in pain. im not going to go to 7/11 and buy $40 of junk and eating it while wanting to die. but damn. its so tempting :/// pls send good vibes and support my way y'all, and my heart goes out to everyone else in a shitty frustrating long plateau, it sucks and we'll get through this and see our projected losses. may the whoosh gods bless us all in the next week!!!!

My parents are divorcing after 30 years
/u/button_eyed_coraline [5'4" | 157 | 26.9 | -83 | Female]
Created: Thu Oct 11 10:53:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nbov1/my_parents_are_divorcing_after_30_years/
It’s for the best. My dad is a tool. Mom should have left him decades ago. So why am I so upset about it? I’m back to Soylent and have added cardio because restricting and angrily working out to Eminem’s new album is the only way I feel any power in my life anymore. I had plateaued while trying to get back to solids and I’ve dropped 2 lbs this week since I abandoned that plan.

My rage and unresolved trauma from my father’s verbal and physical abuse will sculpt me into a sharp human weapon. If only that could go back in time to change how my childhood played out.

[Rant/Rave] Thin privilege is bullshit
Created: Thu Oct 11 10:51:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nbo4n/thin_privilege_is_bullshit/
So first off I'm sorry if this offends, this is just my rant on things.

So routinely I like to torture myself with fat acceptance cringe compilations on YouTube for reverse thinspo. And I can't help but get angry when people in them chastise skinny people for not catering to them. Saying that we have thin privilege? Honey where? I worked HARD for this.
How about fat privilege? Fat privilege is being able to eat anything and everything and expecting the world to think you're still gorgeous and amazing and date you despite you being morbidely obese. Fat priviledge is not having to obsess over your daily cal limit or needing to ever work out because its okay if you get a little fat. Fat privilege is expecting companies to carry 20xl clothing and routinely causing loss of business in companies because you slander them to all hell.
I wish I could stop caring about my weight. But since mental health isn't cheap i will probably always live with it.

[Help] Hair falling out
Created: Thu Oct 11 10:45:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nbmb5/hair_falling_out/
DAE deal with thinning hair? Any recommendations on shampoos/conditioners or ways to make hair look thicker? I’ve always had thin hair, but now I see so much come out in the shower it scares me.

my mom scheduled a doctor appointment for me
/u/wetbookshelf [5’3 | CW: 95 lbs | BMI: 17.26 | GW: idk skinnier]
Created: Thu Oct 11 10:42:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nblmb/my_mom_scheduled_a_doctor_appointment_for_me/
she told me that my doctor scheduled it, but my sister told me that she noticed i’d been losing weight again (last time i went to the doctor they pointed out that i’d lost 8 pounds) and asked if she knew how much i weighed. it’s on the 25th and i have to get up to at least 98 pounds by then. but gaining six pounds in like a week and a half seems hard and god i really don’t want to do it but. i just cannot have my parents worry about me. i figure ill just try and tone my muscles a lot and maybe buy those high cal protein shakes and just restrict like hell when my appointment passes :/

[Help] Wondering how I got to the point of maybe having to shave my face, I can’t take this langu anymore 🙃🤦🏻‍♀️ any advice!?! 😬
/u/indentionsofme [Height 5"10 | CW 100| HW 142| GW 95 l BMI 14.3]
Created: Thu Oct 11 10:37:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nbk22/wondering_how_i_got_to_the_point_of_maybe_having/
Okay so this summer I noticed some extra hair growth on the sides of my face. It is veryyyyy light in color so not really noticeable, probably 🙃 because who is going to tell ya that 🤦🏻‍♀️

Anyway it’s gotten worse. There is like a bright halo around myself in photos and last night washing my makeup off (I usually don’t wear much, but decided to try) I could not get it off my face WTF it was like washing foundation out of hair!!!! Well I suppose that’s literally what it was. It is super light but getting worse by the month.

Yet still my ED prevails over any of this🙃🙃🙃

Any advice on facial hair removal?

[Help] I tried to get help and was told I’m not sick enough
/u/cjmorph [5’4 | 136| BMI | 50 pounds down| f]
Created: Thu Oct 11 10:34:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nbj1x/i_tried_to_get_help_and_was_told_im_not_sick/
So what IS sick enough? The other day I had posted how my 4yo was concerned that I never ate. I always sit with her but will just drink water or tea or eat a couple pieces fruit. So I tried eating one meal with her (salad) a day and honestly I was losing sleep because I felt physically sick from eating so much. I felt like I full on binged on dry lettuce and I was fighting the urge to purge because in all honestly the meal would probably do me some good. I had wrestled so hard with this; I thought “man, maybe it’s time to see a doctor about this” so I did. He told me I was technically a bit overweight and dieting is ok...but I’m not dieting. I hate food, and I hate being fat. I mentioned how I did a liquid diet for 3 months and talked about how I spend 4 days a week at the gym to give him an idea and his response was “see you’re creating healthy habits like going to the gym to manage your weight, you’re being too hard on yourself” guess I’ll try again when I lose another 50lbs? Or what?

Failing miserably.
/u/sisterberlin [5'5" | CW 125 | GW 108]
Created: Thu Oct 11 10:28:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nbh26/failing_miserably/
So, long story short, I developed anorexia as a teen and heavily restricted for years before “recovering” (lol) in my early 20’s. It’s a few years later and I’m trying to lose the weight I gained back, and get down to 108lbs again. I’ve been exercising more than I did before, and trying to keep a handle on my calorie intake, but holy christ I just discovered I’m failing hard at this. I just weighed myself for the first time since like 2016 and I’m at my heaviest since I was 16. I thought I was at least in the 125-130 range but I’m at goddamn ~140 now. I feel like dying; all I want is to stop thinking about food and eating and go back to my disordered ways, but I’m totally out of control at this point. Idk how to make myself stop, it’s like I now have a compulsion to eat huge amounts of high calorie garbage, despite my best efforts to plan my meals and control my intake.

This post has no real point aside from venting and hoping you guys can commiserate with my fat ass.

[Help] Reintroducing bread and rice?
/u/LumosErin [5'5.5" | 121.8 lbs| GW: 120 lbs| UGW: 115 lbs | 20F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 10:16:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nbdj9/reintroducing_bread_and_rice/
So for the past month, maybe month and a half I have completely cut myself off from eating any type of bready carb unless necessary, all of my carbs were coming from veggies and salad.


I'm eating around 350 calories a day, and I'm just not sure that's sustainable anymore; I was extremely dizzy during dance last night, that's never happened to me before. So I'm thinking of reintroducing bready carbs for energy. But I'm scared. However, last year when I ate rice or a roll, I was still losing so I figure I'm okay. My university dining hall(s) do not always serve whole grain options, though...


A 1/2 cup of the white rice is 130 calories, a honey wheat dinner roll is 130 or a white sweet yeast is 110 (not sure which one to choose there).


I'm soooooooooo freaking close to my goal and I don't want to lapse in progress. What should I do?

Is anyone planning to dress up for halloween?
/u/bashytr0n [5'2"|90lbs|17.1| GW 40kg/88lbs | LW 35kg/77lbs]
Created: Thu Oct 11 10:13:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nbcg5/is_anyone_planning_to_dress_up_for_halloween/
I'm interested in hearing about everyones costume ideas! And if anyones come across particularly ridiculous "sexy" versions of things, because those are always amusing.

What is going on???
/u/buenothot [Height 5’3 | CW 200 | BMI ? | Weight Lost 128 lbs | Gender F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 10:10:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nbbt9/what_is_going_on/
I ate a shitload of candy and sushi yesterday and I lost 2 pounds. I checked on two scales. I’m not complaining but what the hell

[Rant/Rave] My weight loss does not exist apparently
/u/ilonacamille [162cm | Whale | -12.6lbs | F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 10:09:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nbbd2/my_weight_loss_does_not_exist_apparently/

So since August I lost 11kg/24lbs. Clearly unhealthy, but CICO is legit, we just abuse it around here.
ANYWAY. My brother has been "trying" to lose weight since forever. He's gone to dietitians, tried keto, tried whatever hype diet has been circulating on social media. He eats a lot of food, he'll get seconds, thirds, sometimes he'll even say "I'm gonna take a little break to let it digest and then I'll get some more" ???

Yesterday was yet another day of him finding THE SECRET TO WEIGHT LOSS.
He wants to get rid of all my coke zero because omg apparently it makes you fat!! The aspartan creates insuline which turns into fat. REAL SCIENCE SHEEPLE!

Eggs?? No don't even try to come near our house with eggs. THEY ARE MAKING US FAT.

I've tried to tell him about CICO multiple times (the healthy version that doesn't go below 1500 calories) but he won't listen. If I want to drink Coke Zero all day I won't gain weight, will my insides be healthy? Probably not, but getting a regular Coke isn't better.

I lost almost 25 pounds and it's like it doesn't count? I know my ways weren't healthy but if you don't take it to an extreme you'll still see results.

How do you deal with all the bullshit and people trying to ignore your progress?

[Rant/Rave] I have then chocolate senna laxatives
Created: Thu Oct 11 10:02:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nb95t/i_have_then_chocolate_senna_laxatives/
I don’t know how many to take. I’ve been a little backed up. Should I take 2 or 4? How long do they take to work?

Created: Thu Oct 11 09:55:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nb6sg/milestones/
2 milestones hit:

For the first time since I developed into this mess, I was home all day and did not binge but kept restricting. Every time I'd be home for the weekend or just out from work, I'd binge and purge and go crazy. But I didn't. I kept on with a couple bites of fruit and Powerade. I call that a win.

Even a bigger win:
Got off the phone with a family member to tell them about the entire combination of ED including binge eating, b/p, restricting... And I can't tell you how happy I am of their support and understanding. Not to mention how proud I am of myself for telling them. There's nothing more to say. I'm just happy. I'm not better. Not ready to end yet. But... it's progress :)

/u/art_istical [5'5| 98| 16.3| 17 lbs lost | female]
Created: Thu Oct 11 09:41:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nb2px/how/
So there's this TINY girl i see on college campus all the time and I'm so jealous of her. One of my friends with her and picked her up and ran her across the room literally under his arm. And he asked her how much she weighed... Literally 105..? I weigh less than her? And I'm almost a foot taller? Why does she look so small and dainty/cute and I just look like a whale next to her :( i don't understand

Created: Thu Oct 11 09:33:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nb02p/pancakessss/
Kinda proud of myself, I was gonna make my brother pancakes (but not have anymyself) and as I was cleaning the bowl mg brother got a plate for me and said "here you can have the big one!" And I was about to say no thank you.... But I didn't I ate 3 and I feel kinda shitty but also kinda proud I just sucked it up and it them I love my brothers so much 💙

[Rant/Rave] Low-Key torturing myself
/u/cntrxpy [5'3" | CW 199 | 35.3 | -30 then +60 lol | 22F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 09:26:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9naxxg/lowkey_torturing_myself/
I'm sitting in the dining hall at my university working while everyone around me is eating. It smells sooooo good my mouth is watering, but I binged last night so I'm fasting for at least 36 hours (currently 12.5/36). I want to feel like I can control myself again, so I'm just gonna sit here and smell the amazing smells and watch people eat. I'm like...both giddy that I'm showing this self control and also sitting here like bitch your disordered ass is completely crazy.

[Help] Why can’t I fast anymore 😩
/u/lilmdjd [5’3 | CW: 130 | BMI: 23 | LW: 94| - 17| 23F ]
Created: Thu Oct 11 09:25:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9naxo0/why_cant_i_fast_anymore/
I’m down about 20 lbs since mid August. Not crazy fast in my opinion. I’m plateaued around 129. My BMI is nowhere near underweight. I keep telling myself I’m gonna fast and I just can’t seem to do it, it’s gotten so much harder. Even after eating maintenance for a few days, I still can’t seem to make it 24 hours. Fuck I can’t even get back into OMAD without caving and eating a protein bar. I was doing 50+ easily before. What the fuck is going on? Is my body just overreacting? How do I make it stop being a little b****

[Help] bones cracking after fast weight loss?
/u/problemproblem420 [5'6'' | 115 | 18.6 | 20F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 08:47:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nalqr/bones_cracking_after_fast_weight_loss/
i lost around 16 pounds between now and late august. my bones crack all the time now. mostly my hips, shoulders, and knees. they will crack so loudly with the slightest movement. does anyone know what could be happening?

How to not feel faint or light headed while restricting?
/u/hazelnut___ [5'9 | CW:158 | GW:135 | f22]
Created: Thu Oct 11 08:46:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nalli/how_to_not_feel_faint_or_light_headed_while/
I work at a busy starbucks which can be a really straining job, physically and mental. Even when I'm eating normally I find I sometimes have moments of feeling a little faint. This is amplified like, 10 times when eating >800 calories a day. I need to be constantly happy and approachable to customers while also making drinks, cleaning, and carrying relatively heavy stuff.

So yeah, anyone have tips on not turning into a zombie/straight up passing out while on the job?

[Rant/Rave] My bf is a lot thinner than me
/u/2ndfirstday [5'5" | 101 lbs | 16.8 BMI | -3 lbs | F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 08:39:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9najd2/my_bf_is_a_lot_thinner_than_me/
He’s a little taller than me too. I feel like when I hug him, he’s going to snap. I really wish I knew how much he weighs. All I know is that visually, he’s much tinier and pretty much bone-thin. God, I wish that were me.

I’ve been staying with him for a week now, and have one more week to go. We’ve been eating the same foods, but he’s definitely been eating less than I have. It’s kind of embarrassing, but a good kind of wake-up call.

I love being with him but I cant wait to go home in a week and start dieting again. Maybe next time I visit (ldr), I’ll be thinner.

[Help] gum breaking ketosis?
/u/extraclevermongoose [5'7" 🐇 Underweight bmi 🐇 They/them]
Created: Thu Oct 11 08:24:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9naesx/gum_breaking_ketosis/
Hi! having a bit of paranoia here- will the carbs in sugar free gum break my fast or is 1 carb not enough/not absorbed the same due to being a sugar alcohol. 😢

[Rant/Rave] my bf said my face is getting chubby lmFAO
/u/psybeams [5'4” | 18f | cw : 109 | gw : 100 | bmi : 18.9]
Created: Thu Oct 11 08:20:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nador/my_bf_said_my_face_is_getting_chubby_lmfao/
he wasn’t a dick about it but i genuinely wanted to know if he thought i was getting fat since i binged almost the whole week last week so i asked and he said “your body is too skinny but your face is getting kinda chubby” suck my dick wtf thats the only place on me that won’t drop fat lol. i know i asked but damn if i didn’t have to get up and go to the bathroom to cry. i’m gonna restrict even more now so i guess i’m grateful at the same time?? good thing i went out last night and bought a pint of halo top since thats all i’m eating today :)

[Discussion] Running restricter peeps 😋
/u/ie63 [5'6 | CW:196 | GW:125 | -38 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 08:11:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nab53/running_restricter_peeps/
Hey guys! Trying to find some other people who are avid runners and restricters. The combinations of the high that you get from running and eating >500 calories is amazing am I right?!?!?!?!

Anyways looking to connect and wondering
1. How often you run
2. How far
3. How long
4. How to fight those binge urges post running without just going on more runs 😂😂😂
5. Any other interesting comments on the combo

🍑 (@goodenuffforme)

1 fucking 18.
/u/lilmisssuccubus [5'2 | CW: 118 |BMI: 21 | GW: 103 | -60 | 26F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 08:05:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9na9dn/1_fucking_18/
On Oct 2nd, I weighed in at 116.7, and every time I have weighed since I have been some variation of 118-118.9. Yesterday, before my run in the afternoon I was 118.5 and then when I got back from my run I was 117.9, then this morning 118.1. In the past week I have lowered my calories from 1375 to 1100 a day and I work out 5 days a week. I burn an average of 1850 on days I work out. I am so damn frustrated. I need to be 115 by the 18th. I have birthday plans with my best friend and they literally REVOLVE around food.


Every time I use the bathroom it's not even very much and I am drinking coffee and eating fiber one bars and veggies. Fuck my life.

[Goal] i am a size SMALL????
Created: Thu Oct 11 08:01:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9na7t5/i_am_a_size_small/
showing my friend clothes i wanted to buy on amazon and i had 'medium' selected for the size, and she said 'wtf??? youre not a medium, get a small' even if shew as just trying to be nice, as someone who has lived their entire life as a medium/large, i am still gliding off of this positivity since yesterday

[Rant/Rave] My favourite outfit doesn’t fit anymore
/u/myx24 [176cm | CW:200 | -20 | 17F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 07:28:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n9ysh/my_favourite_outfit_doesnt_fit_anymore/
My go-to jeans no longer fit properly and it’s the same with my favourite shirt. I’ve been gaining a significant amount of weight since I was recently hospitalized (for a literal panic attack, still peeved about that) and it’s driving me nuts. Lately I’ve been binging every night and I’m finding it hard to start restricting again. I literally ate so much at one point that I involuntarily threw it up. Before all of that, I still had issues with binging but managed to drop almost 40 pounds. I’ve gained back 20 in less than a month.

I just got rid of all of the junk in my house and bought veggies and rice cakes. Hopefully those will satiate me until I can realistically ease into a fast without breaking it.

"Why do you restrict?" answered in verse
/u/hypermagical20 [5'5" | 133 | GW1: 130 | GW2: 122 | UGW: 115]
Created: Thu Oct 11 07:27:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n9yaz/why_do_you_restrict_answered_in_verse/
Because otherwise it's just meaningless, the pain / clawing insides, going nowhere, shredding organs, a caged dog / howling. / Give the dog a purpose, / put him on a leash and let him pull you forward, toward something, / relief or death (or are they the same?) / or "I love you" or "you're so beautiful" or "now you are enough." / At least in movement, you can see the fire on the horizon and call it hope. At least you're not just here, / sinking.

What is the highest protein foods y'all know of?
/u/conuretrash [5'3.5''| 20 F | CW 148 | GW 115| -42 |]
Created: Thu Oct 11 07:24:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n9xke/what_is_the_highest_protein_foods_yall_know_of/
I realized I need to eat like 60g of protein a day (on days I eat). I wanna eat as much protein as possible when I do break my fast but IDK what to buy. I have quest bars but they're only like 20-22grams of protein per bar. Do y'all know of any mixes/bars higher in protein than that? I'll buy anything lol. Thanks in advance 💕

Eating Disorder Spotify Playlist
/u/Ep1cDuCK [5'7.5" | CW: 105 lbs | BMI 16.2 | ]
Created: Thu Oct 11 07:16:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n9vjz/eating_disorder_spotify_playlist/
Hi guys! A little while back, I made a post asking for your recommendations for songs with eating disorder vibes or references. Here is the resulting playlist!


The playlist is a little bit out of order, one might even call it... disordered ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) I added songs with the most upvotes first, so it is more or less in order of popularity. It is 4 hours long and there is a big range of genres, so it doesn't have a coherent "flow", but I think it's pretty cool regardless. \*\*If anyone here is passionate about organizing playlists, please PM me and I'll make you a collaborator so that you can rearrange it.\*\*


I couldn't find several of the songs you guys suggested on Spotify. If I missed anything that you know is on Spotify, please feel free to say so in the comments or PM me and I'll add it!




Binging vs Fasting, who will win??
/u/conuretrash [5'3.5''| 20 F | CW 148 | GW 115| -42 |]
Created: Thu Oct 11 07:14:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n9uyo/binging_vs_fasting_who_will_win/
Ugh struggling right now to get into a fast for that fasting high!! I just want to feel it so bad and I know once I do this fast will be easy. But I want to binge, too. I don't get why I have to fight not to binge and fight to fast, meanwhile binging ends in tears and horrible feelings and fasting gets awesome and feels great??? If this could just switch I'd be great. I hate my mind!! I need a good hard reset rn and I'm determined to fast to get it but also I'm only 21 hours in and like I'm not gonna feel good for another 20 hours. I just want to quit. But not.

Consistant downward trend broken by my birthday
/u/AtypANA [5'9 | CW 205.0 | HW 220 | LW 120 | GQ 🏳️‍🌈]
Created: Thu Oct 11 06:48:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n9nwo/consistant_downward_trend_broken_by_my_birthday/
I have kept losing but then two days ago I had my birthday. I didn't calorie count as strictly as I usually do but all I ate was a soup (150), 3 chicken tenders (350), a slice of ice cream cake (400), and 3 mini resees (100). That's around 1000 cals and my tdee is ~1700. Yesterday I only ate 100 cals and went to a very active GA concert. My normal cals is 500/day. I was sure I lost or at least maintained- but I gained a whole pound!

After spending my whole life in abuse and being scared of expressing myself, I'm breaking free, and I just want to tell all of you
/u/taikutsuu [5'9'' | cw: 119, -33 | 17.2 bmi | gw: 105 | 18f]
Created: Thu Oct 11 06:32:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n9jzh/after_spending_my_whole_life_in_abuse_and_being/
Just in february, I was living with my abusive stepmother, my narcissistic dad who drove me into an eating disorder, I had no privacy, I was scared and cornered in and didn't see a way out. I was killing myself and was I allowing it to happen- I was being starved of intimacy just as much as I was starving myself of food. Life was shit, really.

Back then I would hate myself and was physically repelled by even just the thought of physical touch. I couldn't love anyone, because I was never loved. I thought nobody would ever like me, and nobody would ever actually invest anything, let alone themselves, in me, so I closed myself off and didn't give a shit.

Then I moved out. And oooooh boy has it done wonders. I've grown so much. Don't get me wrong, I'm still in deep with my eating disorder, I'm still depressed, I still haven't worked since March. But I'm so much more open-minded, I trust people more, and I'm allowing other people to be there for me.

I got to know a guy. He's so cute and supportive, he is honest and intelligent. He's there for me and allows me to be there for him. He lives three hours away, which isn't the easiest thing, but the past few months with him have been amazing and don't even get me started on our sex life. Okay, we actually haven't slept with each other yet (because I'm inexperienced and anxious as fuck), but we drive each other absolutely crazy. It feels like he's making me into such a better person, allowing me to be the person I've repressed for so long, and finally getting to know myself as I help him on that same road as well.

Guys, sometimes I don't recognize myself anymore. But sometimes, I think that's a good thing. I'm breaking free. :')

[Rant/Rave] 3 Halo Tops
Created: Thu Oct 11 06:30:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n9jes/3_halo_tops/
I’ve eaten 3 Halo Tops in less than 24 hours. FML. I bought 3 because I had a coupon, but saving that extra 50 cents a pint was not worth this, so never doing that again. And I have to go out for pizza tonight for the football game...which I’m sure I’ll probably eat way too much to because I’m a fat bitch with 0 self control anymore. I’ve been at 119 for the last two days & now I’ll probably back over 120 tomorrow :( ugh, I hate this day already. I hope everyone else has a wonderful perfect fantastic day :)

1 meal, 2 hour workout, 5 pounds gained in 2 days
Created: Thu Oct 11 06:16:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n9g13/1_meal_2_hour_workout_5_pounds_gained_in_2_days/
No breakfast, no lunch, 1 hour HARD cardio, 1 hour weights. No sugary coffee drinks. Dinner and post dinner binge keeps me under 800 cals. My TDEE is way more than that, I’m 5’11”! Being so careful not to go over the calorie limit, sitting in the sauna to squeeze out water weight...

Gained 5 pounds in 2 days. Over course of each day this week, I maybe loose 1 or 2 lbs before I eat my dinner - which is vegetables cooked without fat, two slices Ezekiel bread, and a leeeeettttlle bit of feta cheese for a salad. Then wake up, have a BM, and I weigh 4 pounds more. Cycle begins again for me to pee out 2 lbs and continue packing them on in my sleep. WHERE IS THE EXTRA WEIGHT COMING FROM. Where??? Is it the cheese? I eat way more carbs usually than just the bread and don’t have this problem.


Not expecting my period anytime soon. Can’t be that.


cannot win. I can’t 100% restrict anymore my brain won’t let me sleep until I’m full somehow but I thought I was doing okay anyway

[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support October 11, 2018
Created: Thu Oct 11 06:09:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n9e9p/weekly_emotional_support_october_11_2018/
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**


Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

Daily Food Diary! October 11, 2018
Created: Thu Oct 11 06:09:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n9e70/daily_food_diary_october_11_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for October 11, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Rant/Rave] Triggered by old Facebook photos
/u/shortLavender [5'3"| cw:125 | gw1:120 | gw2:115]
Created: Thu Oct 11 06:00:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n9bn4/triggered_by_old_facebook_photos/
I spent ALL day yesterday saving my photos from my Facebook account so I can delete it. It was 9 years of pictures so I saw myself... a.lot.

During those 9 years I had gone from a healthy weight to overweight rather quickly, then back down a touch. I have had restrictive eating problems in the past, but they were prefacebook days (I seem to be a touch older than a large portion of you all) so there isn't much digital 'proof'.

I'm currently in a fairly strict restrictive period again. I have been loosing weight at a quicker than usual pace recently, but haven't been taking or posting photos so it's mostly hidden. Also, Yay for autumn clothes!!

Anyways, these photos severely triggered me. I never realized what I actually looked like when I was bigger. Even when I started to get healthier and workout more, I thought I was looking better but now I see I was still larger than I thought/felt. This worries me that I am still that way. That no matter what the scale says or how hungry I am or how loose my clothing has gotten, I will always be larger than I think I am.

It makes me feel like the compliments I get now are fake or forced, people don't really think that I look better, they are just trying to be nice since they know how hard I've been working.

I'm so confused, this disorder sucks and I hate it and it hurts too much.

/u/minicemilo [167cm| CW:51kg| BMI:18.3 | GW:47kg| Gender:F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 05:58:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n9azr/disappointed/
I was trying to recover. Asked my mom if i looked fatter cuz i feel fatter. Lol she said yes i looked healthier. Boi bye gunna restrict like mad again. Im fat and i feel like a pig! Great day!

super triggered by somebody who was just worried about me
Created: Thu Oct 11 04:49:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n8url/super_triggered_by_somebody_who_was_just_worried/
a family member of mine was worried about me because I mentioned I had a headache. it was very sweet of him, except it massively triggered me because he said I was really sedentary and now of course I feel like a total pig over it lol. he was well meaning, it just came out the wrong way and now I feel like actual garbage. it's not like it wasn't the truth but it still hurt, and now I feel pathetic for not being able to take it the way it was intended. what a great way to start off the day haha :((

/u/The_Immortal_Unicorn [167cm | cw: 62kg | gw: 52kg | 18f]
Created: Thu Oct 11 04:13:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n8n18/protein/
I don't eat enough protein at all. I'm not sure what I need it for, but I know protein is important. Do you guys know some low-cal protein-rich foods?

[Tip] PSA: MFP logs fractions of a calorie
/u/linedryonly [5'5| C127 | G110 | L102 | -10]
Created: Thu Oct 11 04:03:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n8kxn/psa_mfp_logs_fractions_of_a_calorie/
My fellow calorie counters will appreciate this:
So I was logging eating 2/3 of an egg white (as you do) and my total calories came to 751 for the day. Then I realized it was a small egg, so I changed my serving size to 5/8. Both servings show as 11 cals, but my total calories at reducing the serving size went down a calorie to 750 exactly. I can only conclude that MFP displays calories in whole numbers based on serving size, but keeps track of fractions of a calorie and rounds your daily calories to accurately reflect this.

TLDR: MFP has your back.

EDIT: This is probably the most disordered post I have ever written. Who tf measures fractions of an egg white?? Me, apparently.

Body Fat Calculators ... TRIGGERED
/u/alynichelle [22 | 5'5" | 167 | 27.1 | F |🍑IzButterACarb]
Created: Thu Oct 11 03:31:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n8eg5/body_fat_calculators_triggered/
Ohhh I am triggered. Body Fat calculators drive me nuts!
I had been using a website for a few years and I had found it to be the most accurate one yet. Then I stumbled across a new calculator through some other reddit thread.. telling me my Body Fat % is 10% higher than the others had always led me to believe..

Well.. on that note.. I will be fasting..

tryna be (relatively) normal
/u/glossipgirl [155cm | 49.5kg | 20.4 | -2.5kg | 15F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 03:27:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n8dnw/tryna_be_relatively_normal/
okay so i've been feeling like shit recently so today i decided to high restrict (1000cals) in an attempt to have energy and feel good about myself (and also bc my parents got suspicious)

except now i feel like crap bc i can't even restrict "right" that's how weak my willpower is

arghhhhh fuck me

[Rant/Rave] Someone mentioned I’ve put on weight..
Created: Thu Oct 11 03:13:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n8aur/someone_mentioned_ive_put_on_weight/
She meant it in the most sincere compliment too. “You look amazing! You look really well since last I saw you, you’ve put on a bit of weight!” (Its been a few months and yes I’ve put on a LOT of weight)

And I did smile at the compliment. It’s nice that someone thinks in their mind that I look nice.

But this is my heaviest in years. I’m BMI overweight. I hate how I look and feel.

Thing is I’ve received this compliment so much this month. “You look well!”.. so then why can’t I stand myself right now? I know these people are being genuine too.. but we just have such different standards I guess. I don’t look how I’m supposed to in my mind. And once I do... I think I’ll probably look terrible to everyone else.

Fuck I don’t know. To me “well” translates to “fat” and I haven’t eaten in 2 days and I just wish I’d never had all the binges. And now I’m upset and want more than anything just to binge because fuck it.

But I can’t. I won’t. I want to be who I see in my head.. I’m just so far away from her and it hurts.

[Help] Tips on how to lose appetite/wanting to eat?
Created: Thu Oct 11 02:30:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n838z/tips_on_how_to_lose_appetitewanting_to_eat/
last year i got to my goal weight of 110 pounds by restricting my calories but since then, i have gained about 15 pounds back. i just can’t stop the binging. can anybody gives me tips and what you personally do and know works, on losing appetite and completely not wanting to eat. like for example, one day i ate something that caused me to get nauseous and i couldn’t eat anything for an entire day because of it. tips like that, stuff that will make me kind of disgusted by food? idk.

[Rant/Rave] just had 3 bowls of oatmeal at 3am
Created: Thu Oct 11 02:13:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n80cy/just_had_3_bowls_of_oatmeal_at_3am/
and i still want more food but i don't keep binge food in my apartment so gonna go make my fourth bowl of oatmeal and convince myself it's ok cause I'm only at 600 calories and can just count it as breakfast for tomorrow and then cry myself to sleep afterwards

[Help] I feel like my therapist is kinda shit now...
/u/applesauceistheenemy [5’10.5” | 140 | 19.5 | -70 lb | female]
Created: Thu Oct 11 00:50:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n7lhi/i_feel_like_my_therapist_is_kinda_shit_now/
So I know this is kinda off topic but I felt like I’d post it here because it’s really the only place I feel ‘safe’ anymore

I’ve disclosed to my therapist that I don’t eat a lot, that I only eat one meal a day or don’t eat for days at a time even, and she was just...unfazed??

Like she was just “eating is important for self care” but not like, concerned in any way.

I mean I’m not underweight (yet), but I felt like it was a red flag, maybe?

Also with my relationship, she’s so like...nonjudgmental. But in a bad way, kind of?

Like my relationship is why I got into disordered eating and I’m constantly being gaslit, it’s really bad actually, and when I describe any given scenario to anyone I know or even a stranger they immediately say “that’s abuse and you need to leave for your health.”

But my therapist...is just kinda like “well you love each other so I’m sure it’ll all work out” and???

It just kinda reaffirms the whole thing of “it’s not that bad” even though every single person I’ve told it to, apart from her or my partner, think it’s Really Fuckin Bad And You Should Run Now.

Kinda disappointed because I had high hopes for her, she’s very nice, but like...I’m not really...getting anywhere. Today I told her about how my gf refuses to take responsibility for saying or doing hurtful things and denies she does/says them and she just said “well you don’t have to take responsibility for her and you don’t have to go to her for emotional support, just talk to someone else”

I just feel like...maybe this is crazy, but,...I’d like to have a partner that I could reliably go to for emotional support without being hurt further??? Like without my pain being magnified ten times after talking to them?? Like why am I doing so much shit for this woman who can’t even sympathize with me at the most basic level?

Idk. I hoped it would go better. I felt like I needed a professional to say what was happening was wrong. But I didn’t get that. I have a ton of other people saying that, but not her. So I guess...nothing will change. I’m scared to leave, not strong enough to leave, maybe I’m really wrong about everything, blah blah blah. Maybe if I can restrict long enough I’ll drown out my gut feeling that this is fucked up. ._.

Post Binge Artwork
/u/li_hu_sh [5'3 | UGW 105 | CW y i k e s]
Created: Thu Oct 11 00:43:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n7jzt/post_binge_artwork/

[Help] recently officially diagnosed! need help understanding everything
Created: Thu Oct 11 00:36:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n7iso/recently_officially_diagnosed_need_help/
Hi guys, I was recently officially diagnosed with EDNOS, and was told to eat 3 meals a day with snacks in between. I am sort of disappointed because my nutritionist stated this advice without much clarification, and I feel this is easier said than done. I feel that I am overweight and I really do need to lose weight and I was wondering how it is possible to lose weight while eating so much? In addition, can I recover and lose weight at the same time? I really don't like eating this much food it just seems so excessive. Has anyone gone through this when first starting recovery? How do I know I am eating enough, or if i am eating too much? My next appointment is in a couple weeks but I am dedicated to getting bette, just not necessarily fatter? Thank you

Some Positive Affirmations to Start the Day
Created: Thu Oct 11 00:27:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n7h46/some_positive_affirmations_to_start_the_day/
I've been trying to approach my weight loss and restricting through a self-love perspective instead of my usual meanspo thoughts of "starve you worthless fat bitch"

1) Today will be a good body day, I will focus on how well I've done this past week and how this will affect my figure

2) I will enjoy going for a run because the burn in my chest is a good pain, unlike the bad pain in my mind

3) I will look after future-me by drinking lots of water and not eating over 500cals today

4) I will study so my mind is not constantly on my ED, whilst being productive

5) I will reply to the messages that people send me and not ignore them for days, because these people love me

6) I am in control. I am becoming the person I want to be. It will take time. But I will get there.

We've got this guys.

[Help] It’s all going downhill. (LONG)
Created: Thu Oct 11 00:01:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n7c12/its_all_going_downhill_long/
Hey guys,
It’s all slipping. The last few months have been... okay? I’ve managed to not gain any weight, but I also haven’t lost any. I’ve made myself busy enough that I don’t really think about it too much (college is crazy). But this month marks about a year of the best and worst relationship of my life.
Last year, I met this guy, let’s call him Steve. So I met Steve the day after I attempted suicide. Sleeping pills are a hell of a drug. So I met Steve and I was instantly consumed. A week later, we went on our first date. And it was the best date ever. There’s really no way to explain how amazing this guy was. He made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world, he was driven and talented. The next 4 months were ecstasy, a whirlwind of us talking about life together, of him telling me that he wanted to marry me. And then, one day, I was blocked on everything. I called, sent right to voicemail. He texted me “Please don’t contact me again.” I had never told him about my eating disorder, my mental health history. Queue a month of me in the dark, trying to figure out what happened with little or no response from him. Then, he unblocked me on IG, and that’s when I met her. Let’s call her Amy. He was with Amy. I checked Amy’s IG and she had pictures dating back to when him and I met. He had been with her the whole time. I remember laying in bed, sobbing, a razor in my hand, wondering what she did that I couldn’t, why did he choose her? My scars are still red. She was beautiful. Short and skinny and blond. Perfect for him. No scars to be seen. So of course, I spent the next few months in the darkest place of my life. Eating disorder, self harm, depression, suicidal thoughts. Eventually, I moved on, I accepted it. I got “better”. I went to college and didn’t have time to think about him.
But now, all I can think about is him. The weather, the signs of fall, Halloween coming up, everything reeks of Steve. And I can’t breath.
So now here I am, back at it. Back to wearing huge sweatshirts to cover my body so no one sees the cuts or the fat. Fasting to feel something, purging the two bites of food I ate. Hating myself. Everything was going so well, I was okay, I was growing and healing. And it just fucking hit me with no warning. Came out of nowhere. And I’m drowning, I can’t breath, I can’t move. I’m calling for help, what do I do? What can I do? I can’t have him, but that’s all I want. I feel like I’m dying, like I’ll kill myself before I get the chance to starve to death. If only I had been good enough. Skinny enough. Weighed less. Had fewer mental problems. Where can I go from here? There’s no more hope.

[Discussion] Tall people?
/u/applesauceistheenemy [5’10.5” | 140 | 19.5 | -70 lb | female]
Created: Wed Oct 10 23:57:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n7bda/tall_people/
I’m 5’10.5”

Just today found out I fit into size 6 jeans and was fuckin THRILLED

Currently weigh ~ 137 but my goal is 130.

High weight was 185 and low weight was 110.

Really wish I was shorter so I could be ‘cute’ but short girls tell me they wish they were taller so they could ‘look like a model’ so grass is always greener, I guess?

I’m the shortest in my family. Brother is 5’11.5” and also has an Ed, mom is 6’1” and dad is 6’2”.

[Rant/Rave] hahahaha thanks i didnt ask
/u/jayka_ [167cm / 5"6 F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 23:32:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n767s/hahahaha_thanks_i_didnt_ask/
"Are you losing more weight? Your legs are looking too skinny."
"Are you sure you want to eat that whole protein bar? I just eat half for dessert."
"I haven't eaten all day, I was too busy."
"Have you heard of this diet/food? Here look, Dr. Oz/Phil/Axe recommends it!"
"Are you gaining weight? Oh no, you need to lay off the ____."
"Are you losing weight? But you look so attractive already!"
I wish I was as skinny as you like I used to."
"You need more variety, have some bread!"
"Oh my god, I've gained so much weight and I have no idea why! I look horrible!"
"Are you sure you should be eating that at this time?"

Oh fuck off mother.

You're morbidly obese because you keep buying Walmart pastries and drink half a bottle of wine a night. Have you ever considered that you should lose weight for your health and not to look like you did in your 30s? Why are you always starting healthy eating next week or once you're able to start walking again? I offered to cook for you ffs.

Can you make up your mind about how my weight makes you feel instead of giving me a new opinion on my weight's direction and if it's good or not every week? And can you not tell me on the process? For someone so convinced I have an ED solely for appearance reasons you sure talk about mine all the time and constantly bitch about yours.

Stop giving me unsolicited inaccurate fad diet advice. Stop insisting I need it. Why are you handing out diet advice if you have no control over your own diet? Stop calling yourself low-carb if you eat frozen pizza and potatoes for dinner since you hate to cook.

But thanks for bothering with actual treatment those few times. If only if it was for reasons other than "you're making us look bad" or "nobody does something that shameful in our family". Dick.

[Rant/Rave] Seriously what is wrong with me
Created: Wed Oct 10 23:18:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n73dk/seriously_what_is_wrong_with_me/
My best friend is doing so well at losing weight and I'm super jealous and competitive so I deal with that by... stuffing my face? Seriously she told me her weight and I went on a straight 2 day binge. why am I like this. you would think that would be motivation for me not to eat like a fatass but I guess I'm meant to be the designated ugly fat friend

[Rant/Rave] i binged for the last time.
/u/dollydomer [5'6 | 107.8|GW 100 |F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 23:18:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n73cm/i_binged_for_the_last_time/
nope no more. im done. im not doing that. i binged a little bit over the weekend and i have just decided that i am not bingeing.

decision made. it’s final. that’s it

i will only restrict. but i absolutely refuse to binge anymore.

part of this is driven by trying to be a real anorexic. because technically i was diagnosed with ednos but i restrict and sometimes binge. that’s it i don’t puke i don’t use laxatives or run or anything. there are plenty of emaciated anorexics who don’t binge so that’s how it gotta be in my mind

[Rant/Rave] Fighting the two sides of me
/u/asiaticlily [5’10 | 134.4 | 19 | -47 lbs | F22]
Created: Wed Oct 10 23:18:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n73ck/fighting_the_two_sides_of_me/
I’m in this weird mental space where I’m almost happy with my weight/eating right now.. I’ve gained like 5 pounds from my lowest weight. With those 5 pounds on me, I get to workout every day, and be mentally present/happy, and not feel constantly light headed and nauseous.. I count my calories, but 1,500 seems like an “ok” number to me for the first time in a while.. I burn about 2,400 a day because I do intense workouts, but working out gives me a rush of endorphins now. It doesn’t seem like a chore that I have to do because I ate over my 800 calorie “limit” anymore. I’m getting stronger in my lifts, and faster on my runs. There is a huge part of me that is screaming whenever I step on the scale and see it increase... but I’m fighting it so hard. I like the me that I am right now. I’m strong. I don’t need to starve. I don’t need to drink until I blackout everyday just to deal with life. I think I’m turning a corner without even really trying to since I was just so fed up with the miserable life I was living. Idk what this post even is, but I had to get this out. I think I’m seeing that there’s hope for me.

[Rant/Rave] Can’t lose weight
/u/balletarius [5'3 | CW 115 | GW 90 | BMI 20.4 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 23:12:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n725k/cant_lose_weight/
I barely eat 500 calories a day and I exercise pretty rigorously (ballet) but I’m still the same sack of flab I’ve been for the last two months! And don’t even get me started on the lower abdomen pouch ruining any chance I have at a flat stomach... ughhh why can’t I not suck at just one thing in life

Created: Wed Oct 10 23:09:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n71gx/wonderful/

I’m not going to be someone’s second choice again
/u/raspberryfleur [5'4 | 102 | 17.5 | -75 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 23:01:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n6zp9/im_not_going_to_be_someones_second_choice_again/
Well, I’m going to be single again

I dated this guy for a couple months and stupid little naive me didn’t realize I was pretty much a second choice :) he said he was over his breakup with his fiancée but he’s wrong.

She called him two weeks ago. He’s still moody and distraught over the call. He told me about it ASAP. He still wants to be friends with her and hangout, as in see a movie or have dinner. The two of them. I might be naive but even I can figure out that he has feelings for her. For fucks sake; he still has a couple of her shirts and he’s dumped a girl for her before.

Well. That all there tells me I need to have some self-respect and breakup. At least i was only in it for a couple months. I know it’s nothing, still hard to break up. At least I can focus on losing weight again.

Then maybe one day I’ll be worth it to be someone’s first choice.

[Rant/Rave] Finally texted my therapist
/u/applesauceistheenemy [5’10.5” | 140 | 19.5 | -70 lb | female]
Created: Wed Oct 10 22:41:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n6vcs/finally_texted_my_therapist/
About my toxic, (possibly abusive) relationship. I’m scared as fuck. I’m so fucking scared. It’s like, THE reason I have an Ed in the first place.

But I’m used to being blamed. Used to being told I’m the toxic one. Used to having my mental illnesses used against me, my emotions used against me, memories used against me. I don’t even know what’s real and what isn’t anymore, and I haven’t for a really fucking long time.

I used to talk to my friends about it but then I got paranoid it’d get back to my partner. I’m too paranoid to talk about it on Facebook groups because I don’t know who could be a member. Only reason I’m posting this now is because I’m so anonymous and untraceable on here.

But still. Scared as fuck about it. If she agrees with them it’s gonna destroy me. Send good vibes pls

Binge/ Purge
/u/cutthroat12 [27yo |5'6"| CW:130 | HW: 160 | GW: 110]
Created: Wed Oct 10 22:34:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n6tso/binge_purge/
Eat pancakes, eggs, sausage, cinnamon toast bites


weigh myself

eat cake and ice cream


weigh myself

eat crackers and trail mix


weigh myself



What is your relationship with exercising?
Created: Wed Oct 10 22:32:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n6tdu/what_is_your_relationship_with_exercising/

support group for people who are addicted to amberlynn reid videos
/u/juulorexia [20f | vegan | 5'2" | goal bmi: 14]
Created: Wed Oct 10 21:53:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n6kjq/support_group_for_people_who_are_addicted_to/
600 pound life who? fucking amberlynn reid videos are ALL my recommended videos now.

i never understood people like making fun of trisha paytas cause a. she's hot imo b. she doesn't get real obsessive about food c. she's big but ... not this ...

amberlynn reid scares and titillates me like no one else on the internet. her inability to commit to a diet and follow through with the things she needs to do (and the resultant 550 pounds of fat slogging off her body) make me REALLY want to stay on track.

Unusual progress milestones?
/u/famarino [5’3 | CW: 103| 18.3 | UGW: 90| F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 21:43:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n6i78/unusual_progress_milestones/
I realized this week that when I lean up against the counter at work, I hit my hip bones and it hurts, but I weirdly love the feeling because of the progress that it represents (I know, I’m weird). Usually I’m too blinded by my body dysmorphia to see any progress in my body even if the number’s been going down on the scale, so little moments like these actually make me feel like I’m getting somewhere.

DAE have unusual body checks or milestones?

I don't believe I am the clothes size I am - is this a thing?
Created: Wed Oct 10 21:43:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n6i6e/i_dont_believe_i_am_the_clothes_size_i_am_is_this/
Hi all,

This is my first time posting here although I've lurked for a while. This is kind of me finally admitting I, at the very least, have picked up some disordered eating habits in the ~10 months I've been losing weight. I'm petite (barely 5'2"), and when I started losing last year was 145ish lbs; very chubby, stout, often bloated etc. I've since got to around 110, and am finally skinny! I went shopping at Madewell recently and was kind of in disbelief when a top I tried on was an XS, and a skirt a 0 (!) When I look at myself in the mirror, though, I really don't see a body that warrants those sizes? And I feel like I'm just flattering myself since brands like Madewell certainly vanity size?
Anyone else feel similarly?

Does thinking burn calories?
/u/desertfractal [5'5"|CW:125|GW:109.9|21.05| 23F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 21:24:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n6dp1/does_thinking_burn_calories/
I was just working on biostats hw and was curious lol, I really feel exhausted after using my brain hardcore sometimes

What supplements do you take?
/u/800goat [5'6"| CW::cake: | GW: 106| M]
Created: Wed Oct 10 21:13:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n6axo/what_supplements_do_you_take/
I've never bothered with them really because I don't understand them. Kind of a dumb question but I'm also only 17 so are there ones I can't buy? Like I know some kinds of medicine you have to be 18 to purchase.

Does anybody else think "Hunger Games" would have been a more suitable title for a movie about anorexics?
/u/digiskunk [5'4" | 125lbs | 21.5 | 75lbs | M]
Created: Wed Oct 10 20:56:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n66lt/does_anybody_else_think_hunger_games_would_have/
just a passing thought.

[Rant/Rave] I'm not allowed to call it a relapse
/u/54y95s785 [5'8| | BMI 23 | LW: 106 lbs | -6 lbs | F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 20:54:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n65zp/im_not_allowed_to_call_it_a_relapse/
Not until I've lost at least ten pounds.

Not until I can stick to my old restriction patterns for more than a few days before rebounding and undoing any progress I made.

Not until other people notice.

And anyway, is it really a relapse if I never really stopped obsessing? If my eating habits never really evened out into something normal? I never got better, I just got fatter. It's not a relapse if I've always been sick.

[Discussion] Looking for new low calorie drinks!
/u/coffee-vanilla [F | 5’9 | CW:150 GW:130]
Created: Wed Oct 10 20:52:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n65ii/looking_for_new_low_calorie_drinks/
Low calorie drinks make restricting so much easier! I currently drink pepsi max, coffee, monster energy ultra (white one) and water (duh). What other drinks are good?

[Discussion] what kind of clothes do you wear usually to feel less fat?
/u/itsyaboifranzi [5'0" | whale | -14 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 20:50:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n64wr/what_kind_of_clothes_do_you_wear_usually_to_feel/
pants specifically, but general clothing stuff in fine too :)

Created: Wed Oct 10 20:43:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n63ea/meals/
I think this is where I post this, so...
I have been trying to start fasting and things like that, but my family always eats dinner together. What should I do to make sure I don't gain weight

“healthy weight gain”
Created: Wed Oct 10 20:38:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n624i/healthy_weight_gain/
so technically i’m in recovery now. i’m trying to listen to what my doctors tell me about weight gain, but it feels like they care more about the number on the scale than me actually being healthy. like one doctor told me to quit eating fruit and veggies alongside my meals- she said they take up “too much space” and that i should sub them out with fries or something- and another doctor told me to eat a “big bowl of ice cream” every night. i mean i know that they’re doctors and they’ve been doing this for years, but what they’re telling me to do just doesn’t seem right? does anyone have advice?

[Rant/Rave] Got dumped; immediately thought I wasn’t skinny enough
Created: Wed Oct 10 20:32:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n60nw/got_dumped_immediately_thought_i_wasnt_skinny/
I got dumped out of the fucking blue today and my immediate thought was: “I’m not skinny enough for him. I’m still too fat” Even though my appearance had nothing to do with it. I was standing in front of a mirror when this happened, and I saw myself and cried even harder.

I thought I was getting better at this so I’m fucking frustrated.

So on top of being sad as shit, I can’t eat any comfort foods to make me less sad bc then I won’t be restricting and that’ll me more sad.

Fucking shit.

[Help] Anyone use the Life fasting app?
Created: Wed Oct 10 20:23:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n5yc1/anyone_use_the_life_fasting_app/

[Help] i just binged really hard :(
/u/SteelPandas [5'5" | CW: 130 | GW: 115 | 19F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 20:22:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n5y34/i_just_binged_really_hard/
i dont have much to say but im just really upset. i usually never end up binging but i just ate a whole box of daiya mac and cheese and a bag of chips and im so angry and depressed with myself right now :(

any coping advice?

[Rant/Rave] Anyone else have an over spending problem?
/u/applesauceistheenemy [5’10.5” | 140 | 19.5 | -70 lb | female]
Created: Wed Oct 10 20:19:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n5x7j/anyone_else_have_an_over_spending_problem/
It seems like the less I eat, the more I spend. I overdrew my account by quite a bit this month. Idk how to make it better. I don’t go on wild shopping sprees or drop hundreds or thousands in one trip. Instead it’s like one thing here, several things there...you get the idea. It’s like I’m looking for fulfillment somewhere, and because I’m not getting it in my life and also because I’m restricting so I’m not getting it with food, I spend money. This was a problem before I started restricting a lot though. I think it’s really always been a problem for me. My mom has the same issue. Feeling bad? We’ll buy something to cheer ya up! Not that it’s her fault now, it’s my responsibility. My brother has EDNOS as well, which is another thing my mom...influenced, but he has the opposite of my spending issue; he’s like my dad instead & never spends money on himself for anything. Lives in a studio apartment with a mattress and a chair as his furniture, eats the simplest foods, never buys himself clothes unless he absolutely has to. I wish I was more like him. Thought I dodged the Ed thing until this year, but turns out I didn’t. I don’t know if these are related at all, but thought I’d ask. If anything I felt like binge eating disorder would be more related, but for me it’s the opposite. I never, ever binge. If I gain weight it’s just because I’m not restricting or exercising enough.

im so over this
Created: Wed Oct 10 20:11:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n5v8n/im_so_over_this/
i have been overeating and occasionally binging almost *everyday* for almost a month and its driving me insane. school has been more stressful than ever and my brain apparently decided that food would be the only way for me to cope and relax. i stopped bringing lunches to school and now i just eat snacks/meals like every half hour when i get home from 3pm-9pm and i cant handle it anymore. ive gained almost 10 lbs in the past 2 months and i feel absolutely disgusting. i hate this so much and i wish for once that i had a healthy relationship with food and that it didnt consume my entire life. it seems like all i think about nowadays is just school, suicide, and food.

[Help] How do I tell my weight on the scale??? I don’t know which one it is!
/u/Belarie [5'4", 130, F :)]
Created: Wed Oct 10 20:11:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n5v4x/how_do_i_tell_my_weight_on_the_scale_i_dont_know/
I have some old af scale and do I look at the shadow it casts from the weight dial(like the clock hand) or the actual dial? I’ll post a picture if there’s confusion! I’m either 127 or 130 and I don’t know!!
Sorry if this is a bad thing to post on this sub. :,)

[Help] PMS bingeing
Created: Wed Oct 10 20:10:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n5utn/pms_bingeing/
Anyone have a way to stop fucking eating when on their period? I’m just after everything in sight ALL the time.

[Rant/Rave] "You're gonna get fat working here"
Created: Wed Oct 10 20:08:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n5u8u/youre_gonna_get_fat_working_here/
Sigh. I've been doing pretty well in self-recovery for the past few months but this comment was like a kick in the ribs. A kick right back on the relapse train. So hello again old friends. I made a fresh new account for my fresh new ED thoughts.

It's my first week working at a beloved American grocery chain. I'm truly so excited to be working here. I have a deep love of (maybe obsession with) grocery stores, especially this one. They treat their employees really well and constantly have snacks out so their employees are both fed and knowledgeable of their products.

I hadn't eaten much yesterday at work and decided to try a TINY slice of vegan banana bread left out for everyone and a coworker saw me nomming and told me that I was going to get fat working here. I was obviously irrationally triggered by this comment even though I laughed it off. It's been haunting me and repeating in my brain ever since.

Before I was ok maintaining my weight but now the petty disorder in me is awake and I want to lose a noticeable amount. For what? To prove a girl wrong about a comment she made toward me and probably forgot she said 2 seconds later? I guess so. Feels bad to be back on my bullshit.

The bright side for me right now is that my Fitbit says I walked 20,000 steps my first shift at the new place which is double what I walked at my last job. TDEE's going up. Just need to steer clear of break room snacks and I'll reach my stupid, petty, pointless goal in no time.

[Rant/Rave] Wowww I just ate 5 servings of 70 cal hummus
/u/boneybabybitch [5'4" | GW birthweight | BMI 16.3 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 19:59:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n5rtg/wowww_i_just_ate_5_servings_of_70_cal_hummus/
I am horrified. It didn’t even feel like that much. :(

Canker sores
/u/loseitjen [5'8 |SW 140|CW ?!|GW 115| F21]
Created: Wed Oct 10 19:48:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n5oxe/canker_sores/
So obviously I'm here chugging my energy drinks and diet mountain dew to suppress my appetite and it works well. But unfortunately it makes my mouth one giant open sore. Not literally BUT IT FEELS LIKE IT. So do you guys have an tips or drink recs that'll cause less canker sores??

JUUL vape
Created: Wed Oct 10 19:37:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n5m77/juul_vape/
I am a 90s kid, infused with D.A.R.E. and that sense of black-and-white morality only children and the un-wise can have. I shamed my mom for smoking to the point of eliciting slaps.

So I never smoked cigarettes. I did a couple times because eventually when the DARE glamor wore off and i realized I was lied to, I didnt want to have a vehement opinion until I actually TRIED something. And to my relief, cigarettes sucked. How could anyone get addicted ti this shit?

(I did end up becoming a total pothead, which isn't totally relevant but I want to be transparent here.)

My husband smoked though, and while he has technically quit, the addiction rears its fugly head when we drink (which is...a LOT). He bought a pack a month ago, and felt garbage-y. Then he bought a Juul.

Maybe weed got me into that sucking feeling, that oral fixation. I tried it, and liked it. What is this fun-floaty feeling?? Gah!

Started sharing dat family Juul more and more. Finally bought myself one. Now I'm enamoured.

How does this drug do everything I need it to? When I'm hungry, poof! Now I'm sated. When I'm tired, poof! Now I'm alert. And the best: I'm anxious, POOF! Relaxed. How can something that gives me energy also calm me down???

I know the data is SO new, and who knows what cancer this could cause, but so far...so good. Tar gives you cancer, and vaping bypasses this. And the Juul is so fun to put to your lips. I exhale and feel like a fucking dragon. The limited edition cucumber flavor is amazing, and mint, and and and

Dudes, I really love this thing. It's the only reason I've been maintaining my weed tolerance break. (MJ is my wife and I'll never divorce, but absence makes the tolerance grow greater....)

You can get the apparatus and flavor cartridges at any gas station (I live in SoCal, tho). They come with CHARGE so you can use it right away!



[Rant/Rave] My roommate is jealous
Created: Wed Oct 10 19:27:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n5jjt/my_roommate_is_jealous/
My (soon to be ex) roommate is trying to act like she’s not hungry and just couldn’t finish her THIRD WAFFLE because she hasn’t really had an appetite. She also ate chicken nuggets.

She’s heard me bullshit about not having an appetite and weight falling off. She’s on the heavy side and tried dieting and exercise but she gave up after like 2 weeks. She hates my guts and I know it drives her crazy that even her friends comment on my weight loss. Especially the one she’s been obsessively trying to date lmao.

[Other] On a fast now, help me choose how long!
Created: Wed Oct 10 19:25:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n5izx/on_a_fast_now_help_me_choose_how_long/
Like I said, I’m in the middle of a fast- but maybe not the middle. I’m 24 hours in. I wanted to make it a little more fun, have a challenge- be held accountable, I guess. So I wanted to ask you guys to choose how long I should try to go for! The most I’ve ever done has been 50 hours, for reference. I also just want to say that I really love this community, and all the love and support that comes with it no matter what stage we’re all at. So thank you for being there!

[Tip] the whole bag for 360 calories
/u/crossdressingcarp [5’10 | 20 | f | cw: 🐘 | 🍑🌱🐻]
Created: Wed Oct 10 19:24:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n5ipb/the_whole_bag_for_360_calories/

[Goal] How long can I resist binging on cookie dough...
/u/NeutralSmithHotel [6'1.4 | CW: 184 | BMI: 24.3| HW: 370| M]
Created: Wed Oct 10 19:20:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n5htd/how_long_can_i_resist_binging_on_cookie_dough/
Ok. So I made three small chocolate chip cookies with some vanilla ice cream. Ate them, totally fucking tasty.

Normally I'd have to throw the extra dough and ice cream away and spray that with detergent... but I'm going to try something crazy. I'm going to leave it in my fridge and freezer... and maybe not eat any more of it for 2 days...

Let's see how long before I have to throw them away or binge on them. Gonna be hard, but I'm really gonna try.

[Rant/Rave] Looking at old pictures of myself makes me cry
/u/smarieculp [5’7| 145|22.7 | HW: 145 | LW: 118 | GW: 110 | 19F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 19:20:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n5hpw/looking_at_old_pictures_of_myself_makes_me_cry/
I was so perfect. Invincible. I was strong and thin and nothing could stop me. I could run for an hour straight and then hit the elliptical all after track practice on a rice cake. I had a purpose. I can’t even go 2 days of restricting what I used to and I don’t even exercise anymore because I p much blew my knees out from going on the treadmill so much and I can’t run. It’s just pathetic and I hate myself and I would do anything if I could just go back. I’m way more miserable now, 30 pounds later, than I ever was at my smallest. Fml

[Discussion] I actually don’t mind when my boyfriend calls me thiccc
Created: Wed Oct 10 19:02:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n5d3g/i_actually_dont_mind_when_my_boyfriend_calls_me/
I kind of love it to be honest because I know he is referencing my thighs, but my problem is that not all of my “thicc” stays on the lower half. The majority is right smack dab in the middle. Seriously my chest is skin and bones, me and my sister have NEVER had a problem with collar bones not showing (I love them!! For reference her bmi classifies her as “obese” but she’s like bordering the overweight/obese line) Anyway, absolutely none is on my butt which makes me incredibly sad, and my boobs are slightly bigger than average but ehhh not really. I really wish I carried my “thicc” better.

[Rant/Rave] Job makes it hard to restrict, now I’m stuck in a binge/purge cycle
Created: Wed Oct 10 19:02:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n5cwd/job_makes_it_hard_to_restrict_now_im_stuck_in_a/
So before I started working I could easily high restrict and feel pretty decent on 700-1100 calories a day with the occasional 500 cal day thrown in but in July I got a job at a fast food place and since then I’ve been in hell.

Now not only am I surrounded by greasy high calorie food all day but I usually start work between 5-6am, and as a result I find it hard to get enough sleep at night, then after work, which ends at around 2pm, I have to walk home, which takes about an hr and 15mins most days.

So when I get home im stressed, exhausted and just feel ravenous... this has resulted in being stuck in a binge/purge cycle and I don’t want to live like this, I’m terrified about the damage I’m doing to my teeth and I’m not losing any weight, it’s driving me insane, I feel like I’ve lost complete control over my life and I can’t trust myself with food anymore.

I’ve tried trying to eat breakfast and more food on my break and I’ve tried just not eating at all until I get home and either way the day ends the same, me pigging out on whatever is in the house and my head in the toilet bowl.

I want to die.

[Discussion] DAE get flu like symptoms when low restricting?
/u/oxygens_overrated [5'4|CW:126|LW:113|GW1:125 |18F|]
Created: Wed Oct 10 19:01:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n5ctz/dae_get_flu_like_symptoms_when_low_restricting/
I feel like a have a fever (can’t check ATM because I don’t have a thermometer), I feel generally ill and weak, and I have a headache that won’t quit.

[Discussion] DAE have a “junk” food as a safe food?
Created: Wed Oct 10 19:00:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n5cil/dae_have_a_junk_food_as_a_safe_food/
Mine is like any of the flaming hot chips. I’ve always loved spicy food. Also once I eat some I don’t want anything else.

[Image] The best Project you will ever work is on You
Created: Wed Oct 10 18:44:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n589i/image_the_best_project_you_will_ever_work_is_on/

I took my turn at recovery and here I am, 12 pounds fatter and wanting to die
Created: Wed Oct 10 18:31:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n54vx/i_took_my_turn_at_recovery_and_here_i_am_12/
I was restricting too heavily and purging addictively. My throat was aching so bad and I even developed calluses on my knuckles and so I decided to stop. I stopped weighing myself, read recovery books and what not, just to be here once again, incredibly unsatisfied with the results. Yeah, maybe the time I didn't weigh myself I didn't feel the urge to throw up everything I ate, but it didn't stop the obsessive thoughts or the constant body checking or the angst in the mornings when I get dressed and have to face the mirror. I'm still all that and now I'm also fat. My fucking pants don't fit, I had to get a size up and I just feel so betrayed. Betrayed from the "you won't get fat", "you gain water weight when recovering" "you will recover, just start eating normally". For christ sake if I ever knew how to eat normally I would have to read your stupid ass books that explain me how to do it. I just can't live with the fact of being obsessive about my body and also having objective reasons to hate it.

I just tried on some pants and started to cry. I had to weigh myself. 12 fucking pounds. It's insane. I'm ashamed to ever leave my house again. I can't be seen like this. How did I let this happen...




[Rant/Rave] DAE feel like all their classmates hate them?
/u/azuredreamtofsleep [5'2 | 183 lbs | GW: 100 lbs| -30 | ]
Created: Wed Oct 10 18:13:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n50aa/dae_feel_like_all_their_classmates_hate_them/
Slightly embarrassing since I should'nt care about this stuff, but I'm a senior in uni and I just feel like all my classmates think i suck or something. They always look pained whenever i try to make small talk with them, even when I've had like 3 or 4 classes with them.

The worst is when I think I'm getting along with a classmate decently, then almost out of nowhere they're super cold to me. Everytime I think "oh my God I think I've made a friend", practically the next class period they'll shu away from me.

I like to think I'm a pretty self aware person. I mull over in my brain what I'm doing wrong, and I cant really think of any specific thing I might have done or said.

I'm just broken I guess.

And all my professors always look at me like I'm a waste of time too. That just adds to the social anxiety. Everyone either pretends I don't exist or look at me like a freak. I'm trying my damn hardest....

Im gonna graduate uni with no real friends or connections and the more I realize that, the more I just want to jump off the fucking building and die.

I want people to worry about me
/u/peacecorpsquestion3 [5’6 | 118]
Created: Wed Oct 10 18:09:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4z2s/i_want_people_to_worry_about_me/
I just want somebody to come up to me and say “are you ok? You’re looking really skinny” or something like that. That would be the ultimate validation. And then I just want to shake it off and say “oh my gosh you’re sweet but I’m better than ever!”

this is so pathetic lmao

[Rant/Rave] i hate you, Krispy Kreme
/u/lighghtup [5'7" | 167 | 26.2 | 19F | -10 | thicc]
Created: Wed Oct 10 18:09:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4yzi/i_hate_you_krispy_kreme/
i hate you i love you i hate that i love you

three donuts deep into a dozen, please pray for my cal count today

[Other] You are what you eat, a pasty white ass fucking star. ⭐️💫🌟✨ (seen a shooting star tonight)
Created: Wed Oct 10 18:08:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4yp3/you_are_what_you_eat_a_pasty_white_ass_fucking/

[Discussion] What are your safe foods
Created: Wed Oct 10 18:00:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4wvm/what_are_your_safe_foods/
I don’t really have safe foods, most food is scary. So I’m wondering what are yours?

[Help] I wanna fast but I’m sick
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 |CW 117 | GW 115 | GW 105-110 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 17:52:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4ukm/i_wanna_fast_but_im_sick/
I have a headache, low grade fever, runny nose, cough and sneezing, feel low energy. Tomorrow I might cancel plans with my bf cuz I’m sick and then I wouldn’t have to eat. Walking to the dining hall takes so much energy I don’t have. It’s easier to just fast. On Friday I could fast too. Idk I ate a lot today so I’m afraid to eat tomorrow and friday.

Trying not to skip meals and started stealing instead
Created: Wed Oct 10 17:41:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4rvy/trying_not_to_skip_meals_and_started_stealing/
Lmao I don't fucking know why. For the past 2 months, I've been really trying to not skip meals, stop with a 300-400 calorie OMAD, and stop taking Bronkaid every single day, and I've started shoplifting literally every single time I go shopping.

It's mostly makeup and skincare stuff, it feels good to do and I don't want to spend $25 on concealer anyways. It started happening out of nowhere and I just have this urge to do it now.

Maybe I should tell my therapist 🤷‍♀️

My little sister has an ED, how to approach?
Created: Wed Oct 10 17:41:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4rvp/my_little_sister_has_an_ed_how_to_approach/
She still lives with our mom and her brother, but mom doesn't know. My little brother also had heavy image issues and is at the gym constantly now, takes steroids and still feels forever small. I felt pretty bad I wasn't there for him, but we got through it and he's doing OK now.

Because of my little brother I've kept my eye on my sister while maintaining my distance, but I've noticed she's getting smaller and her clothes are getting baggier. Its not a dangerous level yet, but she's only 15 and I want to help her, but not make it worse. How would you want this brought up? She seems open to talking about. I'm the only 1 that knows.

She's about 100lbs, 5'1 and does a lot of running.

[Rant/Rave] This is the only thing I'll ever allow myself to eat for dessert. I don't know if your taste buds will love it as much as a halotop but mine LOVE IT.
/u/lowfatavocado [5'6.5'' | cw117 | bmi18.6 | gw 110 | F23]
Created: Wed Oct 10 17:35:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4qcg/this_is_the_only_thing_ill_ever_allow_myself_to/

What should i consider my height to be?
Created: Wed Oct 10 17:35:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4q88/what_should_i_consider_my_height_to_be/
I'm 5'4.75 should I consider myself a 5'5 or a 5'4? Most calculators for bmi and caloric intake need the info and one inch seems to make a difference. What would you go with?

Fighting the urge to purge with my vibrator
Created: Wed Oct 10 17:29:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4orq/fighting_the_urge_to_purge_with_my_vibrator/
Apologies if this doesn’t belong here but I was curious...

Does anyone fight the urge to purge or binge by distracting themselves with masterbation/vibrator?

I just binged and a massive meal and instead of heading to the restroom to purge I grabbed my vibrator. The urge really diminished and I was able to go to class. Anyone else do this?

[Goal] I’m so TIRED of starting over
Created: Wed Oct 10 17:18:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4lph/im_so_tired_of_starting_over/
I’m too old to be constantly starting over but here I am AGAIN AND AGAIN restarting. I WILL stick something out one of these days.
-my diet
-my education
-my career
-even my hobbies! (I’m a BEGINNER artist and pianist at 23 years old)

I feel like my ED is just one of the things that I’m constantly cycling/starting over with 😩 Am I the only one?

(Sorry for the melodramatic rant- I’m just hungry)

I ruined a whole weeks progress in one day.
/u/J0_f0_sh0 [5'2 | CW118.4 | HW134 | GW115 | F21 | USMC ]
Created: Wed Oct 10 17:14:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4ksl/i_ruined_a_whole_weeks_progress_in_one_day/
It happened a few days ago but I'm still beating myself up over it. I guess because I never binge ate before https://imgur.com/a/vfeGpFV I was doing so well with high restricting and then I started drinking and went over my calorie limit and said fuck it I guess I won't stop now. And I didn't even throw up! I usually throw up during/after drinking but I guess I ate so much food that it just soaked up all the booze.

[Discussion] Struggling , vaping, monster zero drinking
Created: Wed Oct 10 17:13:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4kbi/struggling_vaping_monster_zero_drinking/
I am not in a good frame of mind right now . I’ve been ridiculously tired this evening like I literally fell asleep for 15 minutes on my couch and I didn’t even realize it till I woke up . I ran 6.25 miles this morning , was planing on dry fasting for the whole day but after I woke up I drank a monster zero and now I’m having green tea and vaping. I can feel the hunger creeping in. I want it to go away and it’s literally like , hey girl, let’s plan our next binge day okay? Yeah those Deadpool hand gummies you bought today and like a giant batch of kraft macaroni and cheese sound so so good right now am I right girrrl??? And I’m just like fucking stop it. So now I’m vaping and drinking a giant mug of green tea and vaping and I just took two tabs of morphine hoping it will take the edge off of my anxiety over feeling like I’m about to give in to eating when I fucking can’t because I have 8 more pounds to loose till I’m back to normal weight for my height of 5/3 and then 40 more pounds till my gw and all I want to be is tiny and to feel all of my bones . And now I feel like a fucking failure because I already broke my intent to not have liquids today . and I don’t want to fail at this anymore . And my brain is half laughing and half crying at me . Sorry for the long rant I just needed to get this off my chest .

5”0 folks (or any shorties rlly), whats your goal weight & thinspo
Created: Wed Oct 10 17:09:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4jau/50_folks_or_any_shorties_rlly_whats_your_goal/
i just saw a similar post for 5”6 ladies, for us on the shorter side, whats your goal weight!! mine is 97.5. I want to be under 100, and have a bit of breathing room for when i eat a lot lmao.
so much thinspo is like.. gorgeous 6”0 tall women with miles of legs, but i have like. no legs and my torso is short lol. my thinspo is shai.ron on instagram. shes BEAUTIFUL!!! and short!! wb yall? share!

[Rant/Rave] I just feel like I can’t relate :(
Created: Wed Oct 10 17:06:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4ih2/i_just_feel_like_i_cant_relate/
I’m obese. 224 pounds at 5’6. I don’t look it because my body holds weight extremely evenly and I lift weights 5 days a week so I have a lot of dense muscle. I’m still big though. 5 years ago I was 124 pounds and nearly dead. My BMI was fine but I was in the beginning of liver failure and had heart flutters. I ran for hours at a time and ate an apple and 1 teaspoon of peanut butter a day.

Well, now I’ve had two kids. One of them has disabilities and had major surgery and wears prosthetics. My other is only 6 months old.

I miss my old body so much. I feel like I don’t belong here because I’m obese. I can’t seem to stop binging. I’ll do really well for days or even weeks but then binge until I’m fatter than I was before. I can’t stop body checking. I. Can’t. Stop. Destroying. Myself.

I see a therapist that specializes in EDs but I feel like such a fake person for going because I don’t look like I have an ED.

God. I just want to look at food and think “I don’t want that right now” instead of “if you don’t eat it now YOU WILL NEVER HAVE IT EVER AGAIN.”

Fuck me.

legitimately worried about Kaia Gerber....
/u/peacecorpsquestion3 [5’6 | 118]
Created: Wed Oct 10 16:54:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4f76/legitimately_worried_about_kaia_gerber/
I mean she’s always been so thin but she’s definitely been getting thinner and her recent insta story made me gasp. Her BMI can’t be over 15.5. Growing up in an environment like that seems like such a catalyst for eating disorders. I know it’s dumb to be so worried about a celebrity but I am anyway whatever. Just hope she’s ok and she doesn’t let her career completely come over her health

[Rant/Rave] my feelings after i eat
Created: Wed Oct 10 16:53:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4en3/my_feelings_after_i_eat/
i hate myself so much after i eat and it doesn’t even matter what it is. i just have this disappointed feeling with myself. like i could’ve definitely gone without those couple bites of chicken or bowl of cereal even though my stomach is crying for food. and when i don’t eat i’m so proud but so stressed about it at the same time. i smile when i feel the hunger building and when i get light headed it’s like some sick encouragement to keep going. i wish i could just not care anymore.

[Rant/Rave] I fucking ate for the first time since yesterday evening
Created: Wed Oct 10 16:52:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4el4/i_fucking_ate_for_the_first_time_since_yesterday/
The voice was incredibly loud today and I was super hungry today when I came home from uni around 12:00 in the afternoon. I kept telling myself, “you have to eat”, but each time I would grab a plate and start to serve myself, I simply couldn’t proceed.

I started to cry and I really thought I wasn’t going to eat and I wanted to so bad, I really did I wanted that delicious pasta my mom made me with so much love. It wasn’t until 5:00p.m that I kept saying to myself, “you HAVE to eat or you’re going to get a F since you can’t concentrate on your homework”.

I just served myself despite the stupid voice telling me other wise. I was shaking the whole time when I would pick up the spoon, I hated myself for it afterwards, but I’m fucking proud of myself that I disobeyed the voice and told it to fuck off. Leave me alone voice!

When your co-worker asks what you packed for lunch today
/u/exgfbff [5'9 | CW 142 | SW 149 | GW 130]
Created: Wed Oct 10 16:46:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4cyl/when_your_coworker_asks_what_you_packed_for_lunch/

I am... disgusted.
Created: Wed Oct 10 16:43:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4bye/i_am_disgusted/
Ugh. There is nothing cute about this disease. Cooking a nice meal for friends and family then either just not eating it yourself so you end up with all this old, nasty food in the fridge, OR binging so you end up with a chopstick down your throat, puking into the garbage disposal, peeing down your own leg while you’re trying to get the food back up.

I always feel better after I purge, and tbh I feel amazing when I can go days restricting, but I still feel fucking gross.

I clean up after myself, but yuck, ya know?

[Rant/Rave] OMAD is like cheating
/u/gigi-has-issues [5'9"| CW 155| GW 115| F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 16:34:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n49l8/omad_is_like_cheating/
I've finally switched back to OMAD and I forgot how much I love it. Today I planned a 1100 OMAD but got stuffed and stopped eating before 700! It's like cheating because you get the control of fasting, the fullness of binging, and it really shrinks your stomach. :) Just wanted to rave

[Rant/Rave] Loss is not linear
Created: Wed Oct 10 16:33:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4955/loss_is_not_linear/
Here is my weight loss for this year. There is no perfect line from my hw to my goal. I’m not even at my goal yet. Some days I bounce up, and then bounce back down. But the key is I’m still trying and I’m not getting these hills get to me. I have bad days but I also have good ones!! I want to assure you all that everyone has fluctuations. Your body is weird & doesn’t always do what you want it it do. Each day is a new day. Every morning is a new number! You just gotta stick around to see it 💓💓 please don’t get discouraged or worried. I love you all

[Discussion] Chew and spit calories?
/u/lilmdjd [5’3 | CW: 130 | BMI: 23 | LW: 94| - 17| 23F ]
Created: Wed Oct 10 16:29:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n481m/chew_and_spit_calories/
I know there’s no definitive answer on this and this has been discussed before. I occasionally chew and spit, usually a baked good. I’m curious how/ If other people log chew and spit calories?

Where are my 5’6 peeps at? 🍑
/u/letgoor [5'6 | 136 |GW: 125ish| F |add me on peach if u wanna b friends:)]
Created: Wed Oct 10 16:08:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n427k/where_are_my_56_peeps_at/

Trying to gather ‘round all the 5’6 bishes. Went to the doctor and apparently I have been an inch taller than I thought this entire time. Therefore my BMI instantly went down... yay! #WeightLossProTip, doctors *hate* her!

What are your goal weights?

Mine is 122-125. Ideally I’d stay below 125 forever, so 122 for buffer. I have a lot of muscle so I look really tiny at this weight.

If you wanna add each other on peach, my username is letgoor ☺️

my first one ladies and gents ;)
Created: Wed Oct 10 16:02:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n408y/my_first_one_ladies_and_gents/

Mom coming into the country to visit
/u/bingeyboa [5'0" | 98 | 19.1 | -19 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 15:51:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n3x1b/mom_coming_into_the_country_to_visit/
So, my mom's coming to visit this weekend. I love her so much, and she's so supportive, but I need to make it look like I'm being healthy without spending a shit ton on food I can't/won't eat. I have my own apartment for the first time, and now she knows I don't go to the dining hall more than once a week, she's going to expect to see food here. I've snuck out a lot of food from the dining hall to use, and I have several empty boxes of poptarts that I put on the top shelf after my last intense-o binge. I took some little cartons of cereal from the dining hall to put like one portion's worth in the big boxes that are empty, same source for some shredded cheese and lunchmeat to put in tupperwares in my fridge. In addition, I have a tupperware of cantaloupe, lettuce, salsa, one bag of tortilla chips, and two boxes of saltines.

My diet for the past three months since I've seen her has basically been lettuce, grapes, and salsa, then a weekend where I eat three boxes of poptarts, purge, and pass out. Not sure how much weight I've lost, because I retain and yo-yo, and my scales were taken away over the summer. It's probably noticeable, but at least one of our activities in which I would have to wear a leotard and tights has been canceled, so I can hide whatever mess I've made under t-shirts and jeans. Planning on wearing my most unflattering capri pants lmao.

My mom low-key knows about my ED but we don't really talk about it, and I don't want to ruin the only time I'll see her for a long time by getting into an argument. I'm hiding my scales, and I'm doing a short fast until she gets here so that I can eat whatever she puts in front of me. I REALLY want to make this visit go well, so she doesn't have to worry when she flies back home, so if any of you have any advice, I would love to hear it.

TL;dr Foreign mom coming to visit me for the first time since summer, advice?

Created: Wed Oct 10 15:50:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n3wu2/timing/
So I was looking through lose it, and the predicted day I’ll hit my UGW is the exact day I’m going on a family holiday to Spain. It’s perfect thinspo and I hope it’s right.

/u/coffeehearts [5'5" | CW 120.9 | GW 116 | BMI 20.1 | F(26)]
Created: Wed Oct 10 15:42:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n3ud5/soulent/
Somebody put out free 1 lb bags of cacao soylent powder at work! Finally, a HEALTHY freebie and not pizza or birthday cake.

The funny part is that everyone is turning their noses up at it but I snagged a bag right away. I don't care if it's bland af as long as it shuts down hunger. I might even grab a second bag...

Thinking about using this for breakfast for a new morning ritual, at least for a while. Anyone have any tips for preparing it? Or experience drinking it?

interesting diets to try?
/u/pistachiocreams [63"| 105.5 | -18 | F :pupper:]
Created: Wed Oct 10 15:39:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n3te5/interesting_diets_to_try/
i’m looking for something to focus on that’s not fasting!
i’m thinking about doing a liquid diet (like starbucks psl’s and the like haha) or a halo top or quest bar mono or something 😂😂
anybody had success with diets like these? i don’t think i would ever go above 800

[Help] TMI!!
/u/quinoaslut [5'4"| 110 | 18.9 | -10| Woman]
Created: Wed Oct 10 15:39:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n3tac/tmi/
Everytime I eat anything I’m getting horrible cramps and then shitting my brains out???

Like shit I normally eat all the time. Yesterday it was a vegan taco and a plain bagel today tofu stir fry?? Is there a fucking Typhoid Mary in the dining hall or are my organs begging for more than one meal a day idk.

Intro and success?
/u/MyMetalHeart [5-4 | CW: vom | 1st GW: 120 |2nd GW: 100 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 15:24:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n3own/intro_and_success/
Been through a lot in life. Currently a uni student with a family at home. I've been highly restrictive in my past and currently battle with overeating.

Was asked not long before my wedding if I was pregnant. Also at McDonald's recently and when I went to get a haircut a year or so ago.

I wasn't. Any of those times.


I've been attempting to eat away my worsening depression and it only made me worse.


Today is my day one of attempt two thousand. I've got 85lbs I want to ultimately lose. I've got my water. I've got my netflix. I've got my coffee.

And my bronkaid.

For the first time since I can remember, I am genuinely not hungry. I had some dry corn flakes with my first cup of coffee and a side of my bronkaid.

Beyond more coffee and water, I'm good for the day. I'm studying right now between classes and thinking of food out of habit but I don't want it.

I feel great today. I feel in control for once. I'm not letting my brain get the best of me.

Thanks for listening.

[Rant/Rave] Happy with my body?
/u/HotMessCentral [5'2.5" | 97 | 17.5 | -4.5 | F(Recovery)]
Created: Wed Oct 10 15:13:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n3lk5/happy_with_my_body/
I actually don't hate myself?? like i have a bridge between my hipbones, a big thigh gap, my ribs stick out but not in a gross way, I have a tiny waist, an even a bit of ab definition? Like recovery seems less rough??



PS. Also Taylor Swift is a liberal icon I stan her spread the word

[Help] Starbucks Sugar Free syrups
/u/sadveggiehead [5’5 |SW.156 |CW.137 |GW.120 |23.07 |F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 15:07:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n3jio/starbucks_sugar_free_syrups/
I don’t know if it’s the laxative effect of sf stuff but I literally feel awful after my coffee, I had it on an empty stomach maybe that’s why but I do that all the time. The is the first time I got the sugar free cinnamon dulche syrup but I don’t think the flavor was worth this queasiness. I hate throwing up but I’m almost to that point. I’m going to have some alkaseltzer, because I have a lot of studying and my stomach feels so bad I can’t focus. Has anyone else had the same experience with the SF syrups? Or does anyone have any advice for my nausea?

Ugh! Update on my update.
/u/iToldAnotherLieToday [5'7| CW: 98.4 | 28F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 15:07:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n3jdh/ugh_update_on_my_update/
My doctor just called me and said I need to come back in for another weigh-in tomorrow morning before going through with IVF. They think there was an error with the scale because I gained so much (understandable).

Now I know not to do everything I did today. I’ll still drink a bunch of liquid and put on some boots and put the change in my pocket. I might forego the sweater and sweatshirt.

I also asked my husband to go out to sushi tonight. I can put down a lot of sushi.

I was so happy I made weight, and now I’m so nervous again.

When I see my mom, how should I react.
/u/SkinnyisSexy [5'7 |125lb|19.6|-23lb|F GW115]
Created: Wed Oct 10 14:58:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n3gnw/when_i_see_my_mom_how_should_i_react/
Last time she saw me she did comment on my weight loss. I was 127 maybe 130. I am currently 117, no matter how baggy time clothes it still shows. She is so scared I'll relapse she freaks out even if I haven't. How should I respond to her comments on the weight loss. I got diagnosed with celiac disease so that's been my excuse to worried coworkers, but it's my mom guys. I love her truly, but I need the best fucking lie.

Finished my 120 hour/5 day water fast! Fastient is literally the best fasting tracker in my opinion. (I’m starting the next one at night though for sure, and I know I’m about to gain a tonne of it back but stilllllll yay)
/u/goldmetalflowers [🐘 binge monster 🐖]
Created: Wed Oct 10 14:54:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n3fa6/finished_my_120_hour5_day_water_fast_fastient_is/

[Other] i want to look sick??
/u/dollydomer [5'6 | 107.8|GW 100 |F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 14:50:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n3e3s/i_want_to_look_sick/
i know it’s bad. but i have never wanted to just be pretty. my ed has always been driven partly because i am insecure about myself and partly because i never think i am good enough. it’s like i can only be good at not eating. i still don’t think i am. and my ideal is just looking like skin and bones. because when i am just skin and bones i will have to get a tube and will be almost dead and that is winning to me. i am really sick. anyone else?

[Rant/Rave] People are so rude on social media, it’s like nothing is good enough
/u/SkinnyAgain259 [Height 5’7”| CW 155lbs | BMI 24.2 | Weight Lost 5lbs | Gender F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 14:46:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n3cr1/people_are_so_rude_on_social_media_its_like/
So do you ever see pictures of women who are like utter perfection and then see a bunch of comments from people, mainly guys, pulling their appearance apart?

I was just looking at some thinspo, ended up on a subreddit for the woman in question and soooo many comments are complaining about her appearance. Mainly because she had small boob job. I’m just like that body isn’t even achievable for the majority of people regardless of surgery and that’s still not good enough.

You just think like if she’s unattractive now I must be a fucking monster. There’s no pleasing some people.

that's the least of my problems ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Created: Wed Oct 10 14:42:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n3be4/thats_the_least_of_my_problems_ツ/

Caffeine Jitters!
Created: Wed Oct 10 14:33:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n38i9/caffeine_jitters/
My coffee consumption to deal with hunger pains has been through the roof for about 3 days now and I am actually the I can hear colors meme, should I:

1) Carefully plan a "cheat day"?

2) Just go on a wild binge and see what happens?

3) Shut up and deal with it, this is what we signed up for, fattyyy

[Rant/Rave] I can’t break 130 lbs and I’m losing my mind. I cried over the scale this morning
/u/piizza [5’4” | 130 CW | 110 GW | 22.4 | -14 lbs| F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 14:24:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n35o2/i_cant_break_130_lbs_and_im_losing_my_mind_i/

Panic attacks over stupid s**t
Created: Wed Oct 10 14:23:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n35kp/panic_attacks_over_stupid_st/
This isn't a strictly ED post, but I really have no idea where else to turn to vent my feelings, so Iam sorry guys...

My whole life, my biggest dream was to be an actress in big, epic movies. I know very unoriginal but non the less true to me. The fame was never really anything I thought about, but big pay checks to spoil the people I love, and be in movies I love totally consumed the majority of my thoughts from the age of 8 to 26.
I always had plans on how to make it happen (obviously non of them worked) but a big main part was traveling to the US.

Now, going to the US from my country isn't a big deal, alot of people go there every year for a vacation, but for me it became important that the trip MEANT something. Well now, me and my family are going....Which is really cool....but....
This was not what I had in mind.

I'm old, I'm fat...going on a three week family vacation.

I can't explain the amount of anxiety I'm experiencing. We're leaving next week and I'm getting panic attacks left and right. I don't want to, but I do. F\*\*k I can't put this feeling into words!!! It's driving me crazy!

I tried to talk to my husband about it, but soon realized he did not get it. I really just needed to get this of my chest, to some one else. I understand if you don't understand, but thank you for reading anyway.....It feels like I'm dying.

[Rant/Rave] sometimes it feels like there’s nothing more in life than food and my body
/u/band-aide [5'5.5 | CW: 125 | BMI: 20 | F/19]
Created: Wed Oct 10 14:22:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n3584/sometimes_it_feels_like_theres_nothing_more_in/
i have no friends really, my boyfriend and i have basically sort of broken up (he said we were done than not even a minute later said he couldn’t leave me but we have not spoken since) and i dislike my family. i can barely tolerate anything other than the subjects i study, my fun albeit lonely passtimes, and my obsession with the visuals and feeling of my body, my environment, etc.

i hate my body but food tastes so good and i will mindlessly eat anything just to get my mind to shut up for 5 seconds. or i’ll cook something and eat a bit of it and then throw the rest out. or i’ll obsess over what weight i COULD be if i only ate x calories for x months. i always ruin my progress. when will i eat next what will i eat how much of it... what groceries will i buy is it even worth the money if i eat it all at once what is mom making for dinner what did she buy from the store that i can eat i don’t want to wait i want it NOW i want to taste it and get rid of it now so i can restrict later...

these are the thoughts i live with and they take hold over everything else, they seize any other possible thoughts i have. my eating disorder is above my (lack of) social life and above school. i am always fucking hungry and never satisfied, i can’t stop compulsively fucking eating and i need to get my shit together and start restricting again.

this is not how my body should look i need to be bony and i look chubby and disgusting and no matter how much i like my makeup, outfit, and hair for the day i will only see how fucking pudgy i look and i need to stop eating so much but it’s the only stimulation i feel any more. i hate this so much. every night i binge on chocolate chips and bread and butter and cheese and bananas and peanut butter. i feel awful and take my laxatives which i know won’t help but i need to erase the full feeling and i fucking hate how it all makes me feel. why can’t i just be bony and a good restricter?

i love food because it’s the only thing there for me. this is all there is to my life. i have nothing else.

Low-volume high-cal food?
Created: Wed Oct 10 14:15:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n32r1/lowvolume_highcal_food/
Sorry if this is OT, didn't want to post in other subs because people are mean, and I figured you guys might understand.

I am trying fasting as a means to combat general overeating, not being able to feel full/hunger signals, and BED. I'm not healed or recovered, but I am trying to unfuck up my body.

I just finished a 2.5 day fast, still feel good, and would like to start over tomorrow. I'm trying to find boring and NOT YUMMY high calorie yet nutritious food to keep my nutrition high and enable me to fast longer. Boring food would be a plus, so it won't make me want to binge.

I was thinking tofu and collards, but those are my normal low cal foods, and I'm worried about not getting enough protein, especially if I do another two day fast. I've been avoiding high cal food for so long, I don't really know of any healthy options. Like, I can demolish corndogs and a box of snack cakes all day long, but that's sort of the opposite of what I'm trying to do.

[Discussion] does anyone else feel like their weight fluctuates dramatically literally overnight?
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | relapse| gw: 97 | 23f]
Created: Wed Oct 10 14:13:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n321f/does_anyone_else_feel_like_their_weight/
if i fast or heavily restrict or forget to eat before i fall asleep, i wake up and feel so skinny and light and all of my clothes fit better. if i eat dinner or have a high-calorie day or fail at restricting or even eat, like, a fuckin *apple* before bed, i wake up and feel like my clothes fit tighter or not at all, like my waist size has gone up two sizes overnight. like my thighs are suddenly touching each other where there was a gap before...and i know (kind of?) that it’s dysmorphia but it feels SO REAL

[Discussion] DAE feels way hungrier after gym sessions? How do you deal with it?
Created: Wed Oct 10 13:34:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n2p5c/dae_feels_way_hungrier_after_gym_sessions_how_do/
I'm really struggling with finding a balance between restricting and going to the gym regularly. It almost seems like I can only do one of those things at once but not both. If I succesfully restrict I don't have enough energy to train and if I train I get super hungry and eat a ton.

Thus, the question: how do you stay on track while exercising? Is higher restriciton/slower weight loss the only answer here or there are other ways to deal with post-gym hunger?

Panic about both gaining and losing weight help
/u/The_Immortal_Unicorn [167cm | cw: 62kg | gw: 52kg | 18f]
Created: Wed Oct 10 13:31:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n2o8e/panic_about_both_gaining_and_losing_weight_help/
It's 9 pm and I've only eaten about 175 cals so far today. This should feel like an accomplishment but it doesn't. Or well, I do feel proud about this, but I feel something else as well. Fear, concern. This went so easily. It's never easy usually, unless I'm balls deep in my depression. And yeah okay, I'm in the middle of a depressive episode right now (and how nice, this one's gonna last until spring because I always get winter depression on top of my regular depression and it makes everything worse), but I guess I was pretending it wasn't as bad as it actually is. I'm scared. I know I'm gonna lose weight fast if I keep eating this little and I really don't want that. Last time something similar happened, I got too small for all my clothes and my boobs (aka only body part I like) started to get smaller, but my stomach stayed the same (or at least, it seemed that way) and overall, it was horrible. But I also know I'm not capable of stopping this. It's about the control of deciding for myself how much I eat, but I'm not in control anymore. The fucked up, disordered part of my mind is, and it's telling me to eat as little as possible. I don't know how to snap out of it. I'm clueless. I'm tempted to give up and give all and full control to my depression and ed and just wear sports bras and oversized sweaters everyday to hide my body from myself and the world and stop caring about the weight I lose from not eating. I'm so very fucking close to doing just that. Now that I think about it, I don't know why I wouldn't just do that. What do I have to lose?

To be clear, I want to lose weight, just not a lot and I'm terrified about losing my boobs, which are always the first to go when I eat almost nothing (when I eat at least half of what I'm supposed to, I tend to lose weight more gradually and my boobs stay the same size)

I have no idea what this rant even was, but if you read the whole thing, please give me some tips on how not to fall down the deep hole of depression and ed (if you have any) because I'm clueless right now.

[Discussion] I’m taking a big step today
/u/LumosErin [5'5.5" | 124.6 lbs| GW: 120 lbs| UGW: 115 lbs | 20F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 13:23:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n2lgr/im_taking_a_big_step_today/
I scheduled myself for counseling appointments at my university. Today is my consultation, I’m sitting in the waiting room now. I’m ready to talk.

I may not be ready to stop, but I’m ready to speak out.

[Discussion] What are your reasons, other than aesthetics, for restricting?
Created: Wed Oct 10 13:19:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n2kaq/what_are_your_reasons_other_than_aesthetics_for/
I feel like I'm a terrible person because I want to get so thin that people finally notice I'm actually struggling and not just part of the 'I hate my life' trend that's going around and finally care about me haha

What is your reason?

[Help] Any words of encouragement to help me from relapsing?
Created: Wed Oct 10 13:03:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n2ey7/any_words_of_encouragement_to_help_me_from/
I used to be active here, first as *zorbiz*, then as *halostop,* if you recognize those. I just need a little support right now and all of you have been so good to me in the past. I don't need any additional shame.

I am finally recovering after a 2 year relapse into severe bulimia, but I've been doing a lot better miraculously. I haven't binged for 1 month and 29 days, and I haven't purged in 1 month and 20 days.

I'm so close to throwing that away though.

For some reason, I've been extremely anxious this week. I feel so fat and worthless and I am feeling suicidal (I won't act) for the first time in a while. I'm just overwhelmed and I want to starve/bp/idk.

If anybody could spare some advice/thoughts/support right now, that'd be awesome.

HAE tries biosteel?
/u/spiritanimalryuk [5'2 | CW 🐄 | HW 165+ | LW 118 | 23F | GW1 115 | UGW2 100]
Created: Wed Oct 10 12:58:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n2dgk/hae_tries_biosteel/
It's a low calorie powder drink that hes electrolytes in it to help during fasts

How many footsteps do all ya’ll get per day?
/u/RachAgainstLeMachine [5'3 🌻 CW: 93lbs 🌻 21F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 12:53:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n2bmn/how_many_footsteps_do_all_yall_get_per_day/
I’m just really curious. I was having a debate with my boyfriend about it last night. It started when I started complaining about how I had hardly got any steps yesterday (~18,000) because of school and my 1.5hr commute to school (I go to college 2 days/week and have all of my classes back to back on those days).

He said that 18,000 was way more than the average person. I got first my Fitbit right smack dab at the height of my ED, so I’m used to 25,000-40,000 steps being “normal.”

I know 10,000 steps is the recommended amount, but do people usually go beyond that?

My sense of “normal exercise” is really, REALLY warped, so I wanted to hear your input.


[Discussion] Relapse due to seasons
/u/sadveggiehead [5’5 |SW.156 |CW.137 |GW.120 |23.07 |F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 12:53:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n2bml/relapse_due_to_seasons/
DAE relapse every fall/ winter. Idk what it is maybe it’s just due to seasonal depression or whatever maybe it’s all the family time or exam stress but without fail this time of year is when my disordered eating reaches its peak. I want to know how many of you are like this too. I don’t mind it honestly it’s just how it is.

Lunch aesthetics
/u/lilmdjd [5’3 | CW: 130 | BMI: 23 | LW: 94| - 17| 23F ]
Created: Wed Oct 10 12:48:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n2a9r/lunch_aesthetics/

Best place to buy jeans and trousers?
/u/Ineedthinspo [5'6 | 146 | 23.6 | -45 | ]
Created: Wed Oct 10 12:22:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n21tu/best_place_to_buy_jeans_and_trousers/
What brand have the best skinny jeans/trousers that don't get baggy or bunch up tonnes when you wear them?

Also as long as the have an online store I don't care about country of origin(though prefer non-Asian brands since they tend to be too short).

[Discussion] dae have experiences with keto?
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | relapse| gw: 97 | 23f]
Created: Wed Oct 10 12:03:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n1ve5/dae_have_experiences_with_keto/
now that i'm very much relapsing and Back on the ED Rollercoaster, i'm weighing (lmfao) the benefits of doing keto/limiting carbs versus just very heavily restricting. does anyone have experience with keto diets, especially at lower weights when you don't have substantial weight to lose? i'm conflicted between throwing keto in with all the fad diet bullshit (pretty sure throwing 1,000 calories of cheese on something doesn't make it keto but WHATEVER) and a good way to quickly drop weight when you're already at a lower bmi and restricting is second nature anyways

Time to switch gear. Just ED things amirite?
Created: Wed Oct 10 11:58:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n1tt2/time_to_switch_gear_just_ed_things_amirite/

[Discussion] Green tea fat burner
/u/hopeless_anon [5'5 | CW: 109 LW: 85 | 17F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 11:53:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n1s46/green_tea_fat_burner/
Ya girl is having a plateau... been the same weight even though I’ve been restricting to 1200 everyday :(

But I bought this green tea fat burn pills online to avoid shame of getting it at the store, anyone try them? Does it help with energy/lightheaded feeling? I know they’re essentially caffeine and antioxidants and it’s not like eca stack, because I’m a minor I can’t buy those quite yet.


[Rant/Rave] in which being cold might not be so bad?
/u/ap0cryphal [F | BMI 22.6 | -9.5]
Created: Wed Oct 10 11:37:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n1mnb/in_which_being_cold_might_not_be_so_bad/
it's 82 degrees where I am and everyone around me is wearing shorts but I can comfortably wear my favorite skinny jeans 😎

(on the other hand as soon as I step into an air-conditioned building I want gloves lol)

I did not purge!
/u/cantdecidewhatiwant [Height 5'4" | CW 132| F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 11:31:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n1kss/i_did_not_purge/
Yesterday I had pizza, a cinnamon roll a cookie, a sandwich AND dinner. Yup all 2500 cals.

I didn't eat until I felt uncomfortable so I didn't purge. I had all afternoon to myself but I did not allow myself to purge, neither did I eat beyond what I felt was enough.

This is a small step to some form of normalcy.

[Rant/Rave] Just had a quest bar for the first time
Created: Wed Oct 10 11:18:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n1gde/just_had_a_quest_bar_for_the_first_time/
holy shit i get why y’all like them so much. i feel full and actually satisfied and i haven’t even finished it, what the fuck is in these?? the cookies and cream one is also actually good, i’m so excited!! are the other flavors just as good?

[Rant/Rave] I had an epiphany today
/u/enrichbitch [69" | DGAF | Recovering...? | F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 11:17:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n1fut/i_had_an_epiphany_today/
So my dumb ass knows this probably isn't news to anyone, but I want to take it as a sign that my ED brain is dying off

I bought zebra cakes a couple days ago and I was so mad at myself. Every time I ate one I was beating myself up, telling myself I hate myself. Constant negative talk. Because I ate two zebra cakes. But here's what I realized today. Here's what is *reality*:

I ate a 330 cal dessert. After a healthy dinner. Like a normal person. I didn't eat the whole box in one sitting, like I would have done before. I did't eat the zebra cakes and an entire pizza. I kept kicking myself for "binging" but I finally fucking realized that *that wasn't a binge, I'm just eating normally*.


It literally feels like a wall has been knocked down in my head, and I understand things better now. I'm so fucking happy rn. Hopefully I can keep this up.

[Rant/Rave] What is with Korean dramas
Created: Wed Oct 10 11:13:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n1egu/what_is_with_korean_dramas/
I don’t even really watch them but I feel like they’ll usually include some scene of the female lead just quirkily stuffing her face and eating, almost greedily and aggressively, and the male lead is either impressed or finds it endearing. And it annoys me so much because they’re always super tiny and obviously they can’t eat like that all the time.

Also there’s such a fixation on thinness in Korea (and most of Asia) and also there seems to be an idealization of the tiny girl who stuffs her face?? And can someone explain mukbangs where Korean girls put away a TON of food and their skin is clear and they’re tiny. Like I’m honestly baffled at the regular streamers who do it, like, daily.

I’m Asian and everything just feels so impossible. Anyway.

[Other] Back at it again...
/u/CharlieJScarper [5'0.5" | BMI 20.2 | CW 106 lbs | GW1 100lbs]
Created: Wed Oct 10 11:07:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n1ck9/back_at_it_again/
So I was pretty active on here a month or so ago. I ended up at BMI 17.2ish, and then I hit a binge month and I'm up to 20.2ish. I don't have access to an accurate scale and I won't until the end of December... and I can't buy one without alerting my flat mate and his is pretty inaccurate. Plus, we have uneven floors in our flat anyway so my CBMI is a close guess really.

I'm fucking miserable. I restricted so hard over summer just so I would be 90lbs coming back to uni, but I broke two weeks before my return date and binged, and kept binging. And kept binging! My current goal is to stick to 1300 per day for the next 5 days (my BMR is 1200) to prove to myself that I can get over this binge phase and get back to restricting. I've already completed 2 days at 1300, which is a huge change from my 2500+ days with 3000+ binges thrown in there for good measure. When that's over I'll drop down to 1000~ and see how I do.

This disorder has sucked the life out of me. I started when I was 13/14 and I'm 20 now and it's been a constant cycle of restrict/binge/maintain/recover/restrict since then, with the recovered mindset periods getting shorter and shorter. My last restriction was the most intense it's ever been and so was the binge. I know I'm getting worse and I never want to feel so out of control with the bingeling ever again, but it's like I need this to function. Hiding everything from parents, grandparents, the very few friends I have...got so old. I was constantly in agony from severe restricting while exercising in a way that was awful for my already screwed up joints, losing hair, feeling so cold and getting fuzz all over my body. My eyes were dead, my breath was awful and I had no interest in anything. I cried all the time and didn't get my period for 4 or 5 months, but it came back last week. I should have been elated but I'm just not. I want to be skinny and breakable again. I want control, I want the restriction high. But starting my 3rd year of uni, getting a volunteer job, taking part in clubs and societies... I don't know how I'm going to cope. Maybe I'll just get sicker and sicker, and maybe that's what I want. I don't know anymore.

I don't feel so alone when I'm on this sub, and I'm afraid. Maybe once I break 100 again I'll feel better...

[Discussion] Intermittent fasting (IF) plan
/u/moonchldx [5'1'' | 114.4 | 21.7 | -11lbs | F | ]
Created: Wed Oct 10 11:06:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n1c8f/intermittent_fasting_if_plan/
Hi loves!!
I’ve been MIA for a week due to new work schedule and gaining 2 lbs (116) even though I know it’s just water weight from my time of the month being around the corner! 😭

Okay so my plan for my IF is going to be 3:4 meaning I’ll eat 3 days out of the week since I work nights and fast for the other 4 till dinner at 6 or 7 pm of 500 calories...
I’m hoping the changes will help kick start my metabolism a lot more....
I’ve also started smoking “the devil’s lettuce” religiously again (it helped me lose A TON of weight after I learned how to control the munchies)

What do you all think any advice or words of encouragement welcomed!! 🖤

[Update] Water-loading ideas
/u/iToldAnotherLieToday [5'7| CW: 98.4 | 28F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 10:55:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n18h8/update_waterloading_ideas/
i made weight which means tomorrow i transfer my last frozen IVF embryo! i will continue to keep gaining weight and do everything i need for the baby.

here are the things i did to “gain” 4 lbs in six days:

- snacked on chips, crackers, chocolate, whatever every night.
- wore my heaviest jeans. seriously picked each one up and compared.
- wore my heaviest sweatshirt
- wore a sweater underneath my sweatshirts
- wore my heaviest cowboy boots
- wore a belt
- put about 2-3lbs worth of change in my pocket
- drank 48oz water
- drank 10oz coffee
- drank 12oz diet soda
- took a shower and put my hair right up to keep it wet

it was obviously **way** more than enough because i ended up gained FOURTEEN pounds. either way, i know i needed to gain some real weight to have the best chance of IVF success. i’d guess ~4lbs of that was real, so i think i *actually* made the minimum weight my doctor will allow and thus i’m not putting my (hopefully) new baby or my body at risk.

[Rant/Rave] Does anyone else get triggered by family members?
/u/achildrenofbodomfan [5’4” | CW 117lbs | 20.1 | -10lbs | GW 105]
Created: Wed Oct 10 10:48:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n16bk/does_anyone_else_get_triggered_by_family_members/
I’ve struggled with an eating disorder for about 3 years and my older sister was just recently diagnosed with bulimia. She’s doing a six month program for bariatric surgery and all she talks about when I’m with her is how much weight she’s gonna lose and how she’s going to drop down to 110 pounds post-op and it makes me feel like I need to weigh less than that. More recently she has been talking a lot about calories, carbs, sugars, etc. in the food she buys and she shared a post on Facebook today about signs that that someone is fueling your eating disorder. It’s making it very difficult for me to be around her because I don’t want our eating disorders to turn into something like a competition to see who can get the thinnest or the sickest, which I sort of feel like she thinks they are and that makes me worried.

[Goal] I. Will. Restrict.
Created: Wed Oct 10 10:40:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n13sa/i_will_restrict/
I’ve been following the dark path of some serious binging, and I’m so so tired gaining weight and just being a full on pig. I decided last night that this grossness HAS to stop, so I’m honestly just planning on fasting until I reach my goal weight. No matter how faint I feel, no matter if my grades drop these few days- it’s a small price to pay to try to feel ok about myself again and to finally try to reach my goal weight!
I’m posting it here to make it final in my head, and to just let y’all know since you guys are absolutely fantastic ❤️

I failed at a fast
Created: Wed Oct 10 10:35:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n129d/i_failed_at_a_fast/
So my ff (future fiance, we have the ring and I'm like 98% sure he's proposing on Halloween but if he doesn't he will propose the day after) brought home alcohol yesterday.

I had been fasting all day and I was at over 9,000 steps and I was planning on fasting all day, but, I am not able to keep up with him on the drinks. Unfortunately I am an alcoholic and even worse sometimes I'm not just mean, I'm crazy, I say strange things and get angry. Most of the time I'm just emotional and talkative but that occasionally takes a bad turn and it helps if I at least eat. He's six inches taller and 40lbs heavier than me and his diet is smoked meat and fast food.

Last night he didn't get fast food, he reheated his smoked ribs. Meaning he said he was going to the kitchen to get dinner and he said this before he suggested drinking but after he brought the alcohol into the bedroom (we live with my parents).

I just felt like I should eat? Like drinking alcohol on an empty stomach was bad? I reminded myself of my not so fresh produce, but I also reminded myself of my binge on Monday, and in the end I ate 9cal of lettuce and spinach and cucumber (put the lunch meat back in the fridge because I don't deserve it {8 cal but mfp rounded up to 9 for some reason which makes me feel worse}) and I told FF this and he kind of just took it in and said sorry.

TLDR I'm a failure because I ate 9 cal but I never count alcohol, Ed brain with alcoholism. I had to eat least night because I was going to drink but today I have been drinking since I woke up and that means I don't have to eat because I never eat breakfast. Aka fucked up with bad habits and a train of logic that goes based off of who knows what 🙃

[Discussion] Anyone else inspired by Rachel from The Biggest Loser?
Created: Wed Oct 10 10:31:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n10wn/anyone_else_inspired_by_rachel_from_the_biggest/
I just watched season 15 again because I know how it ends - with Rachel winning and looking [incredibly tiny](https://starrunnersmemphis.com/2014/02/05/biggest-loser-slippery-slope/). She works extremely hard (probably the hardest of them all) and ends up looking so small in the finale that everyone looks concerned. I think she’s around my height (5’5) and weighs in at 105 lb, which is underweight for her height, and looks fantastic, imo. She apparently gained 10 lb after the finale, but looks fantastic even then. Anyone else?

[Thinspo] What’s your opinion on reverse thinspo? How does it make you feel?
Created: Wed Oct 10 10:31:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n10t2/whats_your_opinion_on_reverse_thinspo_how_does_it/

Stuck at 130 lbs
/u/cutthroat12 [5'6"| CW:130 | HW: 160 | GW: 110]
Created: Wed Oct 10 10:29:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n104s/stuck_at_130_lbs/
I cant lose weight and cant figure out why.... well... yeah i can. It's very frustrating. I want to lose 5 lbs, which is a reasonable goal and a healthy weight. I avoid counting calories because I use to be obsessed. But it looks like Im going to start counting calories. When i eat it's like a version of self harm. In an attack on my body yesterday I ate 4 poptarts consecutively... then a twix and a tuna sandwich and a mini quisadilla and chocolate covered ginger.


I cant lose weight because I keep eating and binging and it's so out of control and embarrassing and as a result i look like this :(


shit post

[Help] Alright, what are ya'lls makeup tips for looking healthier/like you're not about to die?
/u/little_tiny_pumpkin [5'5.5'' | CW: 119 | GW: 115 | HW: 136 | LW: 90 | 27F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 10:28:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n103i/alright_what_are_yalls_makeup_tips_for_looking/
With all this restriction, my face perpetually looks dull and sickly -- unusually pale tone, extra purple around my eyes, a sort of brownish/greyish tone all over.

I tried a full face of makeup the other night for meeting up with old friends, but no matter how much foundation, concealer, blush, highlight, whatever I put on, it still looked like something was deathly wrong with me.

Sidenote: I do drink water + electrolytes all day, take supplements (including C, Biotin, and Hyaluronic Acid), and keep my skin fairly moisturized and dewy. It's just the damn coloring.

So real question is: do you guys have any special fx techniques for where to place blush, highlighter, concealer to give that healthy plumpy glow from within, and to not look like someone to be concerned about? I wanna look like a model, not a drug addict.

A hilarious joke I just made that y’all gotta hear
/u/-bluehoney- [5'3" | sw 187 | cw 169.4 | g2w 120 | ƒ |🍑bluehoney]
Created: Wed Oct 10 10:22:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n0xtg/a_hilarious_joke_i_just_made_that_yall_gotta_hear/
So I was scrolling this sub while my boyfriend was spooning me. (He knows I love this community and the support y’all provide and it’s a really nice relief from stressing about food 25/7, i talk about you guys like I know each one of you personally). He started laughing a bit at how frank and blunt a lot of the titles of posts are. I was like “Yeah, they don’t sugar coat anything...

It has too many calories.”

He claims it’s my best line to date and I’m deeply proud 😂

When you spend 35 mins preparing dinner... and the universe decides you don't deserve to eat...
Created: Wed Oct 10 10:14:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n0vih/when_you_spend_35_mins_preparing_dinner_and_the/
So I decided to make myself a decent dinner. I painstakingly measured the ingredients for one portion.

I boiled pasta, made the sauce, and put it under the grill.

When I pulled my delicious dinner out of the oven, the whole thing fell out of my oven gloved hand and upside down onto my kitchen floor.

Sauce splattered everywhere, the food was destroyed like my will to live.

Sometimes the universe agrees with you that you don't deserve to eat today.

[Discussion] DAE use an app to count calories?
Created: Wed Oct 10 10:12:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n0uo3/dae_use_an_app_to_count_calories/
So i recently started using my fitness pal to help keep my calories under 1200 and any time i don’t reach AT LEAST 1000 they send me a message pretty much saying “You are potentially not eating enough, the features we offer won’t work (weight loss progression chart, etc)” And it’s like ??? I am paying to use the premium features and then being punished for not eating what they feel is right. Idk it’s very frustrating for me and was wondering if guys had any better apps?

having a sex life helps?
/u/swagcat9000 [5'5" | 131 lbs | 21.8 | -37 | M |]
Created: Wed Oct 10 10:09:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n0tyf/having_a_sex_life_helps/
hey guys. i’ve been fucking around with this guy for a few weeks now and he’s honestly the best and super respectful of my boundaries (like he doesnt even ask me to take my binder off bc gender dysphoria) and like?

i don’t know why but fucking a super hot guy actually improves my own body image so much and actually makes me feel attractive for a while? idk.

anyone else relate?
(discussion flair boyz)

Thinspo please
Created: Wed Oct 10 09:48:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n0mzr/thinspo_please/
I am soooo fucking hungry right now and just keep thinking about eating every fatty thing in sight. Please stop me!

I have to go to dinner tonight and I CANNOT afford more than 200 calories before then. So obviously I’m fantasizing about ordering fries.

[Discussion] Anyone else feel the strong urge to eat chalk when on a restrictive diet? Or like...clay?
/u/SimDelCalSalBris [5’6” | 130|Female]
Created: Wed Oct 10 09:40:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n0kja/anyone_else_feel_the_strong_urge_to_eat_chalk/

So purging doesn't work ?????
/u/cantdecidewhatiwant [Height 5'4" | CW 132| F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 09:36:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n0j9n/so_purging_doesnt_work/
So I've found conflicting information about this.

From my experience, I've maintained my weight from purging but then I also fast until I'm about to pass out, have days of "normalcy", days of monster and other low calorie drinks and days of fulfilling "last time" cravings when I don't purge.

So I guess it all balances out.

[Other] I’m stoked!
Created: Wed Oct 10 09:34:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n0inz/im_stoked/
I was doing SO good restricting and staying under 600 cals a day a few weeks ago. Then we went to the county fair with tons of junk fair food. I knew that would be the end of my restricting for a bit and I’d be in binge mode for awhile. I was right..BUT I stepped on the scale at the doctors today and I still lost weight! I’m so happy.

Sometimes I have conversations with my body
/u/InBetweenTheLies [5'8.5 | 124 | 18.31 | -13 | Female]
Created: Wed Oct 10 09:27:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n0gd5/sometimes_i_have_conversations_with_my_body/
The other day it was in the bath. *Hey. How are you doing? That was a hard run. Do your feet hurt?*

And today it was after a workout that was too hard too much too fast. I started apologize, aloud but under my breath. *I'm so sorry. Good job. I'm so sorry.*

Sometimes when I eat I talk to my stomach. *Here. I need you to eat this. Come on, we have class.*

Other times I talk to it when I don't want to eat. *You're not hungry. You can wait. If we eat now, we'll throw up.*


When I do that my body feels foreign and weird and unconnected from me. It feels like a broken thing. I remember that i have a dysfunctional stomach and small intestines. I remember that my body is sick. I remember that I have a disease I'm not fighting. It makes me sad for me.

Do you talk to your body? Or does it talk to you?

[Help] Help me lose 30 pounds in a month
Created: Wed Oct 10 09:16:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n0ct9/help_me_lose_30_pounds_in_a_month/
Without sacrificing my skin health!

I’ve experienced restricting and binging and whatever ED there is, but everytime I do it I get acne. My diet would only consist of diet soda, eggs and biscuits. I lose weight fast and I love those foods, but acne would just pop out and soon enough my skin is now a disaster. Probably because I cannot sleep well at all due to lots of sugars in my body.

I also tried exercising A LOT instead, but same thing happened. I guess my cortisol went too high?

So what to do? I want to lose a lot of weight fast!

[Help] My doctor told me I would never have a flat tummy.
Created: Wed Oct 10 09:10:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n0b14/my_doctor_told_me_i_would_never_have_a_flat_tummy/
I was talking to my doctor about weight loss and I asked him the best way to get a flat tummy. I have a lot of loose skin so it sags a little. He told me that unless I'm willing to fork out for surgery that I'll never have a flat tummy. My arms will always be flabby and my tits will always droop a little, no matter how much I work out and how much I lose weight. It's a real kick to my motivation knowing I'll never have the body I want. What's the point?

Making the decision not to purge.
Created: Wed Oct 10 08:57:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n06tl/making_the_decision_not_to_purge/
I’ve had a heavily restricted diet for a while now and have rapidly lost weight. However, I made the mistake of purging and now I can’t stop. For the past 7 days, I’ve been calorie restricting my usual amount but I’ve been purging after everything I eat. I feel terrible, I’m shaking and I feel dizzy but at the same time I also feel absolutely incredible.

I can’t physically keep food down now, I just ate a small snack and it all came back up involuntarily. The problem is, I’m happy with this but I know it’s such a horrible route to go down and I don’t want to compromise my health anymore than I have been doing. I read that purging is addictive and I can completely see why.

Does anybody have any tips on how to keep food down or if there’s any ideal foods to eat to ease the transition? Although it’s only been a week, the feeling of food in my stomach is something I’m struggling with.

Thanks in advance.

[Rant/Rave] MMMMM Trashcan Cheesecake.
/u/StarburnerRav [5' 10" |Trumps salary in lbs | -40 lbs | Male]
Created: Wed Oct 10 08:55:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n064c/mmmmm_trashcan_cheesecake/
Why am I like this?

Cw: 94 lb gw: 91lb
Created: Wed Oct 10 08:54:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n05sc/cw_94_lb_gw_91lb/

Binged and purged for the first time in a while :(
Created: Wed Oct 10 08:53:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n05le/binged_and_purged_for_the_first_time_in_a_while/
Hey guys,

First post here, just looking for a bit of support and advice since I feel like human garbage.

But first a bit of backstory...

Early this year I started to suffer from binging (though I didn't know that's what it was at the time), this carried on over a few months as I noticed myself gradually gaining weight and I freaked out. I purged for the first time after a binge at the end of June, and continued to do so regularly for about 2 weeks during an extremely stressful episode. Once I came out the other side of that, I quit cold turkey and told myself I never wanted it to happen again. I also made the decision to tell my close friends about what was going on and they were really supportive. I definitely messed up a few times, but I always told someone about what was going on. My last binge/ purge was in the middle of July.

However, I'm going through some rough stuff right now and without telling anyone what was going on - I binged, freaked out, then purged. I stopped halfway through, but I feel so disappointed with myself. I feel like I've let myself down. I don't want to die of this, I want to have a long and happy life but I everytime I do this I feel like I'm hurting those chances. I KNOW I can quit, and I really want to, but does anyone have any advice on looking into the future without feeling guilty? How do you get back on track after messing up?

Sorry if this post is long and ramble-y, I'm just in my feels rn.

Being unable to weight yourself
/u/DiabolicalFruits [5'5 | CW: 150 | GW: 120 | -10 lbs | 18F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 08:46:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n03g3/being_unable_to_weight_yourself/
Since I moved to college, I have no scale or anything to track my weight except for when I go home every so often, so it's driving my crazy not knowing if I've gained/lost/maintained. At the same time though...it's kind of nice? Like, all I can do is focus on my eating habits and focus on trying to take care of my mental state until I go to my parents' and can weigh myself. It's kind of relaxing, but also aggravating. I'm hoping for 145 next week when I go visit during fall break since I've been eating very little this past week, but also, who knows since I haven't weighed myself in nearly a month?

Anyone else have this problem/gift when going to college/on vacation/wherever?

[Help] How accurate is loseit’s calculated calorie budget?
/u/ghostlythin [61.25” | CW 98.4 | BMI 18.4]
Created: Wed Oct 10 08:36:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n00ji/how_accurate_is_loseits_calculated_calorie_budget/
So I set my loseit to “maintain”, just because I like seeing how far under my total budget I am. I’m a little skeptical of how much I’m supposedly losing, though, because it has set my “calorie budget” at 1701 calories. I set my height at 5’1”, my weight to 100.2 (what I weighed in as a couple of days ago), and my age to 18 (I’m 16). 1701 seems way too high- should I wait and see if I’m losing that much, or has it over calculated for you all too? I feel like I’m going crazy lol

[Rant/Rave] ED logic can be a real bitch sometimes...
/u/linedryonly [5'5| C127 | G110 | L102 | -10]
Created: Wed Oct 10 08:02:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mzqdt/ed_logic_can_be_a_real_bitch_sometimes/
Currently freaking out because I've eaten a total of 1100 calories today: ( even though I know it's below maintenance and I exercised today so I can't possibly gain. 1100cals was fine last week, but now apparently anything above 500 is a failure.
Sometimes EDs make no damn sense.

Now two coworkers are "dieting" after I lost 51 lbs and wanting to talk to me about their shit all the time
/u/guava_pastille [5'8" | CW 154 | BMI 23.4 | WL 51 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 07:58:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mzoyf/now_two_coworkers_are_dieting_after_i_lost_51_lbs/
For some reason, now that I'm visibly thinner, I am considered an open book to two coworkers who are now trying dieting. One coworker is on an elimination diet and the other going gluten-free, both are also exercising. They want to tell me all about it in so much detail and I feel like the behavior is baiting. I think they want me to fess up and tell them all my secrets.

Here's what I want to tell them: Oh, that's easy! Date a person 10+ years older than you when you are a teenager who financially manipulates you, and after they kick you out of their house, stalks you for 10 years on every social media platform you inhabit. Oh, make sure that this person also sends your parents videos of you having sex, just to drive the point home to you and your loved ones that you are a whore. Develop PTSD (like, literally teeth chattering/body shakes before you open your email) and develop BED where you eat 5000+ calories in one day to numb nerves for 5 years. Then, flip the BED the other way around and start restricting and purging.

Here's what I actually say: Ohhh, buckwheat and bison meat sounds great!


I shared over on proedmemes. Cuz sometimes you need something light hearted.
Created: Wed Oct 10 07:50:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mzmvg/i_shared_over_on_proedmemes_cuz_sometimes_you/

[Other] Confession of a fatass
Created: Wed Oct 10 07:46:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mzlq7/confession_of_a_fatass/
I'm a fatass and I drive for Uber after my regular job. Got a passenger yesterday who was telling me about all the creepy ass men who she has had drive her before. Guys who would openly hit on her during the ride and one even walked up to her door after and asked her point blank if he could come in. All I could think of while she was telling me this is "omg, this bitch is as fat as I am and I've never even been hit on". Legit, 30yo fatass who's never been hit on. It's is why I didn't believe the whole #metoo movement for awhile, because I'm so ugly I've never experienced that. In fact, stories like hers and hearing the #metoo stuff on the TV/radio have fueled my self hate more than anything else. Apparently most women, even the fatasses, get male attention (albeit the wrong kind) except the really ugly ones.

I was planning in eating my one meal of the day after her but I went and got a big ass cup of diet Pepsi from a gas station instead. Cause I'm one of the ugly ones and need to be skinny before I'm worth anything.

Exam in 20 minutes and gagging from hunger and stress. What to do?
Created: Wed Oct 10 07:44:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mzkyy/exam_in_20_minutes_and_gagging_from_hunger_and/
I'm usually nauseated in the mornings because I'm hungry and my blood sugar is low, but I have a huge intense exam in like 20 minutes and the nerves from that are making the nausea worse. Maybe you can't help me in the next 20 minutes, but what do I do in the future?

Just took motion sickness pills, ate a pack of fruit snacks, and half a pop-tart. Drinking a Coke Zero and water to get sugar and fluids in me.

Let's hope I don't puke during the exam ((::

I forgot how good it feels to restrict
Created: Wed Oct 10 07:38:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mzj6p/i_forgot_how_good_it_feels_to_restrict/
The only time in my life I have ever actually lost serious weight was when I was following a strict intermittent fast, using mfp, and working out everyday. I actually saw results and felt amazing, but then a weekend out with friends threw that off and sparked a number of other binges. Since then I've just been going through a cycle of binging and starving myself and constantly feeling horrible. Yesterday I finally managed to not eat a ridiculous amount, went to the gym, and have been fasting since and it feel amazing? I know I'm less that 24 hour in this time but already I'm starting to remember how good it can feel to be hungry and not eat and I'm just really hopeful for what's to come. Maybe this will finally be the time I reach something close to my GW...

[Help] Need new calorie app
/u/audreyhepburnwho [no binge October~ Halloween goal 68kg cw 73kg]
Created: Wed Oct 10 07:20:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mze8j/need_new_calorie_app/
I don't like how on MFP and LoseIt, the day is divided into meals. I. Don't follow specific mealtimes and would much much rather just have a list with everything i ate in a day regardless of timing. I know i could just log everything under one meal in the app but then it looks like i did OMAD even when i didnt. I eat throughout the day sometimes but don't want to log it under specific meals. I also would like to be able to set a goal lower than 1200. Any suggestions??

[Help] Dinner with boyfriend tomorrow, help me pick something?!?
/u/lostandlonley333 [5"2 | CW:108 | 19.9 | -30.6| F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 07:14:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mzcj3/dinner_with_boyfriend_tomorrow_help_me_pick/

When does recovery get easier? It feels so hopeless
Created: Wed Oct 10 07:06:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mzae2/when_does_recovery_get_easier_it_feels_so_hopeless/
Just had another amazing experience in public. I see attractive people all the time, its annoying but it rarely makes me feel too shitty. Today tho, I was just going for a lil trip to the grocery store and I saw a girl who looked just like me. Except she was prettier in just about every way, like I'm the ugly twin. She wasn't even THAT attractive but pretty much how I wish I looked. I felt like fucking screaming in public. I don't have low self esteem but this probably set my recovery/BDD progress back a whole ass fucking year. Ended up buying weights instead of food lmao why is recovery so fucking hard. I don't wanna deal with all this shit anymore, I'm crying my eyes out

Created: Wed Oct 10 06:38:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mz2ue/motivation/
I noticed I’m more self motivated to stick to calorie or weight loss goals if I have an event or something coming up with an actual date. It helps me plan out out how much per week, cheat days (if any,) what I want to accomplish. What’s your motivation?

Should I just put a mirror in my fridge 😂😫?

[Rant/Rave] Stopped myself from binging last night and woke up in the best mood of my life!!
/u/orthoreXXX [23F | 5’4” | cw 112 | gw 105 | bmi 19.6]
Created: Wed Oct 10 06:37:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mz2g6/stopped_myself_from_binging_last_night_and_woke/
Guys for the first time ever I talked myself out of a binge after opening the food delivery app and already selecting 5 things, I decided to scroll through reddit before confirming the order and then eventually decided I needed to just go to bed. This was probably the first time I’ve ever managed to talk myself out of a binge and holy hell I feel amazing!!!

[Tip] Harm prevention and better mood for restricting
Created: Wed Oct 10 06:29:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mz0jo/harm_prevention_and_better_mood_for_restricting/
I’ve spent a lot of time recently fasting and on Keto. I’ve found if I avoid all sugar and carbs going a day without food is incredibly easy. If you find yourself needing to restrict, it will be done the easiest by not eating more than once a day to keep your fasted state. You can eat all your calories in this window plus a little more since you burn more calories fasted due to stable insulin levels. Snacking could be the reason you feel like trash all day, it was for me. When I cut out carbs completely from my diet it became easy to simply forget to eat. Carbs can’t sustain you for as long as other nutrients. Carbs release hunger hormones in your body to make you hungry. That’s why carbs are addicting

I’m not promoting restricting, fasting, or anything like that. I know a lot of people here restrict so I want to give advice from my experience. I’m just giving advice for harm prevention and feeling better while doing so. I dropped 25 lb in just under two months following this method.

So triggered by food competitions
Created: Wed Oct 10 06:15:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9myx9f/so_triggered_by_food_competitions/
I'm 20 hours into a fast and I'm seeing so much promo for this food challenge! This sushi franchise in my town is running a sushi challenge every day this week where you can pay $20 to eat as many plates of sushi that you can in 20 minutes. They've just posted that the highest winner so far has eaten 16 plates. 16! SIXTEEN! I mean....these are rookie numbers here! Flashback to when I was on holidays in Japan and I ate 23 plates of sushi on a binge day by accident 😂 it's honestly taking a lot of self restraint to not sign up for this challenge as the winner gets a huge voucher to spend on even more sushi and I don't think that'll be good for me 😂

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! October 10, 2018
Created: Wed Oct 10 06:10:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9myvvt/daily_food_diary_october_10_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for October 10, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday October 10, 2018
Created: Wed Oct 10 06:09:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9myvlq/way_to_go_wednesday_october_10_2018/
This is the weekly achievement thread for October 10, 2018.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!


Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

/u/art_istical [5'5| 98| 16.3| 17 lbs lost | female]
Created: Wed Oct 10 06:05:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9myulg/workouts/
What are your favorite workouts that burn more calories? The three I'm planning on doing today: jump rope, HIIT (for the first time), and inline skating!

[Discussion] Dae look forward to meals so you can turn them down?
Created: Wed Oct 10 06:00:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9myt3x/dae_look_forward_to_meals_so_you_can_turn_them/
Like I almost can’t wait till lunch (at school so it’s not like anyone’s bugging me to eat) so I can “turn down” it, same with dinner. Like knowing I had the willpower to refuse it and I almost feel superior which sounds pretty messed up. But I really like doing it. Anyone else feel this way?

I binged so hard yesterday that I was too ashamed to count the calories
/u/subarremos [5'3 | CW: 99 | GW: 88]
Created: Wed Oct 10 05:49:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9myqof/i_binged_so_hard_yesterday_that_i_was_too_ashamed/
So, I binged on rice with butter (yes), chocolate, cookies, cereal bars and even chicken soup.
Today’s another day and I will go back on track. I gained 400 gr overnight and hit 45.2. My goals is to be at least 44.5 by saturday. Wish me luck
Do you count binge calories? I get so depressed when I do sonI just ignore them while they haunt me.

I just want men to leave me alone (TW: assault, abusive relationships)
/u/randomspaceprincess [5'11" | CW: Too much | -26lb | GW: 97lb | 28f]
Created: Wed Oct 10 05:39:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9myob3/i_just_want_men_to_leave_me_alone_tw_assault/
So... I'm overweight. I have been for quite a while now, as a result from a few years of hardcore restricting turning into a few years of binging/purging and then turning into just binge eating, because my roommates and friends started to catch on and wouldn't let me purge. They didn't realise I could literally not stop bingeing, so I just kept gaining and gaining and gaining. Other than that, they're all super nice people and they tell me I look great and they are "so proud of me" for stopping to purge, but, you know, they don't really get it.

So... the thing is, my friends aren't the only ones who think I am attractive. I constantly get hit on and catcalled, everywhere. And it freaks me the fuck out. For context, I am not only *not* attracted to men, but I'm also really scared of them because of a few really bad experiences I had. I was stalked, raped twice and was in two extremely abusive "relationships" (back then I thought I was romantically attracted to men, just not sexually). Getting into what happened would take a while, but the second one boils down to the guy using my desperation to move out of my parents' house to have me move in with him and then hold my financial dependence on him over my head to excuse to do to me whatever he felt like. I stayed for a year and a half until I finally managed to get out.

The thing is, men seem to find me a lot less attractive when I'm thin. My shape when I'm at a BMI of like... 25-27 can be described as "curvy". The fat distributes in my ass and boobs almost exclusively, with a little bit in my thighs. I also start having what I call a "fake waist", since my bone structure makes me have no waist at all. It just exists because of the distribution of fat. Without fat, I look like an ironing board. No ass, close to no boobs. Waist? Don't know her. My arms and legs look like twigs and it becomes really obvious how bad my posture is. My ribcage makes me look hella weird. My face becomes really angular and almost masculine-looking.

And honestly, I love it. Nobody talks to me. No dude tries to smack my ass or makes remarks about my boobs. When I'm thin, all the comments I ever get is guys telling me to eat or that "only dogs want bones" or something. Well, good for you, because I literally do not want anything to do with you.

Logically, I know that my goal weight is really unhealthy, but that's the point. I don't wanna be "attractive", I want a body that men don't even bother looking at. If I could, I would want to be invisible, but I can work with "unattractive" or "too thin to put my dick in". I don't even care that maybe my girlfriend won't be attracted to me either. I just want to be left alone. That's all.

Sorry for the rant, but I really needed to get this off my chest.

[Rant/Rave] I have honestly never been more disappointed with myself
/u/fgsn [4'11 | CW: 109.4 lbs| GW: 80lbs | F23]
Created: Wed Oct 10 05:00:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9myfes/i_have_honestly_never_been_more_disappointed_with/
Two days ago, I was at my LW EVER as an adult. ANd thennnnn I binged... ALL day. I knew it was going to be a higher intake day because of an event I had planned but I just lost all control. Two days later and I'm up 5lbs and I wanna die. I'm right where I was a couple of weeks ago. I don't know how much of this is binge weight and how much is water weight but I just feel hopeless and disgusting :/

Naproxen sodium and Bronkaid? Need someone who knows their chemistry!
Created: Wed Oct 10 04:54:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mye8v/naproxen_sodium_and_bronkaid_need_someone_who/
Hi everyone! I know nothing about mixing pills and my old go-to pharma guy is divorcing my aunt, so I can’t ask him anymore.

I typically ec stack 1-2xs a day, with good results. This morning I’m having pretty bad period cramps, and I’d like to take menstridole, which is naproxen sodium 220mg per pill.

Is it safe to mix these? Should I just push through the cramps so I can take the ec stack? TIA!

[Other] Im stuck
Created: Wed Oct 10 04:53:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mye24/im_stuck/
Im 5'5, I've been eating less that 700cal (minimum carbs,mostly protein) a day for the past week and a half. For the past 3 days I've been stuck at 112.8lbs.

My legs are literally so massive ugh! That’s it I’m not eating today.
Created: Wed Oct 10 04:30:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9my9l3/my_legs_are_literally_so_massive_ugh_thats_it_im/

[Rant/Rave] How do you deal with a family that doesn't take mental health seriously? (Sort of update from yesterday)
/u/Bookeisha [182 cm | 57.3 kg | BMI 17.3 | M ]
Created: Wed Oct 10 04:27:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9my8ui/how_do_you_deal_with_a_family_that_doesnt_take/
I haven't been able to thank those of you who reached to me yesterday. I'll make sure to reply as soon as I'm done here.

I learned I got kicked out of uni as of yesterday and my parents are already asking what my next plans are.


Thing is, I already tried to drop out last year. 15th April, 2017 was my 2nd suicide attempt. I know it because I held a journal at the time. I had everything ready, from goodbye letters to my room cleaned. What eventually kept me was the image of my two little sisters attending my funerals.

My first attempt (two years prior to this) is possibly the moment everything went from bad to worse. In hindsight I was probably dealing with some latent PTSD from a traumatic time (but only a professional could diagnose it). My grades plummed and I reached to my university counsellor who advised me to get professional help (even gave me contacts). My mom didn't like it (I sort of went behind her back), she has a very low image of mental health specialists and completely dismissed it. I figured I already went thru the worst and to try to push through it. Naive wishful thinking, I just kept reaching new lows and so did my grades. I also briefly got involved with a guy while in the closet which only threw oil in the fire.

So I did try to drop out. Keep in mind I attempted (for the 2nd time) to off myself 4 months before, of which my parents were unaware. I told my mom uni was too much for me atm and it was obvious (from the last couple years) that going back to classes would do more bad than good at this point. I suggested taking a year off to get back on my feet and that I'd even go look for a job.

She basically looked at me like I was some kind of alien throughout the entire conversation, asked me what kind of job I expected to get with no degree and made it clear she was very much against it. She kept offering to study something different which I said wasn't the problem. I couldn't deal with the amount of work and studying without feeling overwhelmed. I felt burned out. **That** was the problem. She was like "so you don't want to study?" and drew a list of all the financial cost this would imply. I remember I started crying and we dropped the conversation as it was going nowhere. She told me to think about it and we would talk it further later.

What I didn't know (but quickly came to learn) is that she went behind my back to call every single one of our family members/close ones and told EVERYBODY I was dropping out. Mind you, not even a week had gone by. She would snap at the drop of a dime and made living at home insufferable.

She called me one evening in her room and went on a long rant, lamenting about how difficult things were for HER. She compared me to her colleagues' children (who are all lawyers, doctors, etc.) and brought the fact that all immigrants' children never success academically "like a curse has plagued them all". She couldn't believe one of her children was like that too. I could see now she was guilting me into enrolling back to classes when she mentioned that she hadn't called my godfather. I was like "what do you mean you haven't called him? For what?" then she told me she'd told everyone of "my" decision to drop out. One of her friends is a social worker and she said she felt so much shame when she (her friend) said she was there if I needed guidance.
Basically, I apologized for disappointing her and to make a long story short I was back to uni the next week.

2 months later I relapsed hard in ED habits.

Obviously things didn't go well this time either either except my uni doesn't want me back either. My grades have been bad for too long which I take full responsibility for but I *tried*.

My mom and I aren't on good terms. It's not bad but there's a lot of resentment and it gets ugly sometimes. I did have another mental episode back in April, completely isolated myself and didn't speak to her for a whole month (which also coincides with the time I reached one of my lowest weight) — she said that made her feel suicidal. Ironic.

Not gonna lie, my ED, among many things, is just another way for me kill myself. I never seeked my ED out. A childhood friend of mine was hospitalized for anorexia so I knew how bad this was. With time, it became a safe blanket: knowing that going long enough with this will eventually kill me feels comforting.

At least, the damages are visible here and people won't say they felt blindsided when I die. When people act horrified and point out comment much weight I've lost, it's validating. They can *see* I'm struggling too.

I couldn't care less if I died of cardiac arrest. I'm thankful my body has been so stubborn but I'm getting good at it so.

So honestly, what are my options? Part me of me wants to go full Britney Spears 2007's anxiety fueled mental breakdown, possibly shave my head and tell EVERYBODY I'M GAY AND MENTAL and go study theater (my original plan after getting my degree) but obviously, there's a huge chance I'd just end up disowned and homeless (or worse) and I can't really afford that. Did I say my parents are huge homophobes?

Keeping those two facades, the gay mental and the str8 acting people pleaser, is doing more harm than anything. It's manifesting in all kind of toxic ways, my ED included. I know my time is limited and I hate that I'm wasting my youth away. This is not the life I envisioned, I know I deserve better. And yet, here I am.

I'm also feeling a great deal of guilt writing all this down. I love my family, they're not perfect people but I'm one to throw them under bus like that. At heart, I know they want the best for me but sometimes, I think they just want to please themselves a little more (and cause my death). I mean they'd probably prefer want me dead than gay so there's that.

This is not a cry for help, just a rant.

I’m disgusted with myself
/u/GohanCake [5’1” | CW: 94 | GW: 86 | 27F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 03:02:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mxsu0/im_disgusted_with_myself/
I just broke my husband’s trust by buying cigarettes and smoking. I’m so so so angry and disgusted with myself. When we first started dating, I used to smoke. My husband hated it but didn’t tell me to stop or give me ultimatums. I eventually stopped completely almost two years ago and my husband was so happy.

Today, for some reason, I bought a pack and smoked three cigarettes while on my morning walk. It felt so good. Then I came home, hid the pack and lighter, put the clothes I wore in the laundry, brushed my teeth three times and took an extremely thorough shower. Now I’m sitting on my couch as my husband gets ready, feeling sick to my stomach and utterly disgusted with myself. I know I need to throw the pack away but I’m afraid I won’t.

I never hide anything from my husband and I promised him I would never ever smoke again, and yet here I am. I know exactly why I did it... but it’s a complete betrayal of my husband’s trust. I don’t know what to do. I’m so angry with myself. I know I should tell him but he’s going to be so sad and disappointed. He won’t even be mad, he knows I’m relapsing and he’ll know it’s part of that, but it’ll just be another thing he’ll have to worry about. I am so sick of making him worry about me.

Please tell me to throw the pack away and please tell me if I should tell my husband.

[Rant/Rave] Why am I like this?
/u/gauntlyghost [5'5 | CW: HEFFALUMP | GW: 116| F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 02:38:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mxowp/why_am_i_like_this/
I have this friend, we've been friends for nearly 8 years.

There's always been some competition between the two of us. She is an incredibly stunning girl, she married wealthy and she had always been skinnier than me. Up until sometime this year when I lost weight. For the first time I had SOMETHING. Then after my birthday I started picking up weight again. Now I'm back to restricting and it feels like I am in control again. She is now trying to lose weight for a big social event. She has disordered eating too, and she eats very little. I am trying so hard for her not to 'beat' me at weight loss, because I feel like it's the only thing I have.

This makes me feel like such a horrible person and I'm so insecure and I wish I wasn't like this.

Anyone else objectively look better while heavier?
/u/throwawaysilentcurt [5'5"|CW:127ish|HW:200|GW:110|20M]
Created: Wed Oct 10 01:57:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mxhsb/anyone_else_objectively_look_better_while_heavier/
Especially being a guy I think. I'm short so when I'm skinny I just look super tiny and like a kid. When I was 20-30 lbs heavier I was probably objectively more attractive. I looked stronger and broader and more masculine. Now I look weak and scrawny. I look worse but I would love to lose 20 more pounds lol

Starving so that I can’t sleep
/u/perfectlyhereandnow [5’5 | CW:111 | BMI:18.4 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 01:54:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mxhem/starving_so_that_i_cant_sleep/
This is so random and ridiculous. Even though I know I shouldn’t undereat by a lot for my health and to keep away binge urges, I use starving myself as a way to deal with stress over being sleep deprived at night. I have young kids that don’t sleep, and it makes me go insane with anger and anxiety over being kept up, night after night after night. But if I’m too hungry to be able to fall asleep anyway, it keeps me from getting upset about them waking me up.

Just wanted to get that off my chest, as I spend another night not sleeping...

Anyone else have a birthday related goal?
Created: Wed Oct 10 01:39:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mxer2/anyone_else_have_a_birthday_related_goal/
i told myself at the very least, I'd be a healthy weight for my birthday, which is 24 pounds from now! my birthday is at the end of June so it's a very doable goal as long as I manage not to binge haha. anyone else using their birthday as a goal?

Eating disorders, astrology, etc
Created: Wed Oct 10 01:12:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mx9w3/eating_disorders_astrology_etc/
Sooo who here is into astrology, and how do you think it correlates with your eating disorder? Feel free to dive in deep- causes of your disorder, type of disorder, aspects that play a part in your mindset, planets in various houses, etc etc. I’m curious.

[Intro] i need to relearn self control
/u/blushmilk [5'6 | CW: 201| 19F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 01:09:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mx9a4/i_need_to_relearn_self_control/
college food sucks. relearning self control is a large goal for me, as it helps w/ more than just my **shitty** eating habits. i hate how "ooh it's lunch time" has become a regular part of my schedule. i've got to get this "time to eat/free time so you should eat" mentality out of my head!! here's to (yet another) beginning journey.

/u/ms_tiny_tits [169 | CW 51 | UGW 50 | 17.86 | 9kg |''Recovery'']
Created: Wed Oct 10 00:44:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mx4ip/have_you_seen_this/

Why did I never know this... ??
Created: Wed Oct 10 00:29:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mx1q3/why_did_i_never_know_this/
I never. Ever. drink soda for the only reason that I’m scared to. Anyways I drank a diet soda and then purged and WOW? It was so easy. Normally when I do I get a headache after but I guess the carbonation makes it come back up 100x easier anyways that’s all hahaha just felt like sharing

[Help] Laxative teas?
Created: Wed Oct 10 00:28:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mx1mg/laxative_teas/
I don’t wanna hop onto the lax train but I hate having food in my body. And teas are a great way to hide the fact that I’m not being healthy lmao! Where do you buy them even? I’m 17 so I can’t buy stuff hat will get me carded but I do have Fred Meyers, Safeway, Walmart and Trader Joe’s near me. Where would have a lax tea? Thank u so much!!!

[Rant/Rave] Help get me back on track
Created: Wed Oct 10 00:26:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mx17u/help_get_me_back_on_track/
I’ve had a good loss of 30 pounds from the end of last school year to now. But for the past month I’ve been fluctuating up by 7 pounds. I’ve gone from a low of 113 to 120 and I’m so fucking pissed off at myself because it’s me just bingeing. Who needs pizza at 11:30 pm?? I do! I don’t even like the taste I’m just shoveling food into my mouth. Do you guys have some words of encouragement to get back on track? I’m trying to stop all this useless snacking but it’s so difficult for me to cut it out. And I’m just so upset with myself too. Please help a girl out! Even with some encouraging words. I wanna get to 105 and I’m so close!! I just gotta stop this bullshit 😭😭

[Rant/Rave] a victory and a defeat
/u/miolectrolytes [5'6.25 | CW: 134.8 | 21.64 BMI | HW: 226.7 | UGW: 120 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 00:26:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mx165/a_victory_and_a_defeat/
so i have finally lost my appetite but it’s because my long-term boyfriend i thought i would marry broke up with me and is actively pursuing social relationships (probably romantic) with other women not even two days later.
i’ll lose weight, but it’s because i’m heartbroken.

kinda freaking out
/u/ethioqueen [5'9" | CW: 142 | GW: 125 | 18F ]
Created: Wed Oct 10 00:22:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mx0cb/kinda_freaking_out/
so i’ve been at a plateau for the past like 5 months between 141-144 pounds. the past few days i’ve been hardcore binging and purging (like 5 days in a row but i stopped today) and every time i would make sure to throw up enough to literally empty the contents of my stomach but now my weight has gone up to almost 147?? idk if it’s water retention or being on my period or if im actually gaining weight but it’s scaring me and making me want to purge even more. i just wanna be in the fucking 130s goddamn kill me

[Discussion] I feel like this is garbage, but I’m not sure on the science?
/u/Arcadian_Archangel [5’9|59kg|gw50|🍑: arcadianskye]
Created: Tue Oct 9 23:51:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mwudo/i_feel_like_this_is_garbage_but_im_not_sure_on/

It must be so confusing to be my friends after not seeing me in a couple of months
Created: Tue Oct 9 23:40:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mwscw/it_must_be_so_confusing_to_be_my_friends_after/
Have I lost or gained 10kg? Am I skinny or overweight? Am I eating 500 calories or 5000 calories a day? Place your bets now

Trying to go to bed hungry
Created: Tue Oct 9 23:15:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mwnd0/trying_to_go_to_bed_hungry/
I hate this!!! I want to sleep but I'm so fucking hungry and all I do is dream about food. Why am I this way??? I have food but I'm at my calorie count for the day so obviously I just have to sleep. FML this is actually hell.

[Discussion] what are your favourite safe hangover foods?
/u/sleepyboyblue [5'5 | CW 110 | GW 80 | M]
Created: Tue Oct 9 23:13:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mwmzb/what_are_your_favourite_safe_hangover_foods/
mine are slow roasted pumkin, onion and cauliflower or an egg white omelette, but i'm looking for some new ideas, what do you guys like?

[Rant/Rave] i forgot how much i love control
/u/dingbiscuit [5'6 | 197 | -6 | 19F | 🍑 naranja]
Created: Tue Oct 9 23:03:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mwknu/i_forgot_how_much_i_love_control/
when i was in high school i was able to lose 50 pounds by restricting and it was the only thing that i truly had 100% control of
when i moved away for college i didn’t make any friends so i just depression ate chicken tenders and french fries every single day because i was homesick and managed to gain all of the weight back and then some lol
i’ve been feeling incredibly depressed the past 6 months or so because i haven’t had the willpower to restrict or to lose weight the “healthy” way
it made me realize that how much i weigh is a big part of what i deem as my worth and i guess it makes me vain but oh well
i decided to just take the plunge a week ago and i’ve been restricting successfully without binging (even though i’m having a little trouble tonight, diet coke is keeping me at bay)
i’ve lost 6 pounds and i don’t weigh 200 pounds anymore
i forgot how amazing it is to wake up and lose a pound a day (i’m totally riding on the high right now)
i’m determined to hit my goal weight this time

My mood depends 100% on whether or not the scale is going down...
/u/Kitten_in_a_teacup [5'5.5" | -79lb | F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 22:57:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mwjgn/my_mood_depends_100_on_whether_or_not_the_scale/
A mostly fine day until I decided to weigh myself. Up *seven pounds* from one(!!!) binge day. This feels like a cruel joke and every time I have to start again, it's ten times more exhausting. Fuck everything. I know it's food and salt bloat but Jesus Christ. I just want to be good enough.

[Discussion] what’s your dream binge?
Created: Tue Oct 9 22:43:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mwglv/whats_your_dream_binge/
mine is probably:
i start off with a root beer. full fat.
drink it while watching my favourite show. then i move onto grilled cheese with brie and blueberries. then subway cookies- random, i know- because i’ve never had them. then brownies, which would be the fudgy, gooey type. then maybe oatmeal? i really like oatmeal. thick spoonfuls of pb and nutella from the jar. finally, a big thing of poutine and a diet coke.

(then ummm i would loathe myself forever, but what’s new)

helped to type it out.

[Help] What's a pint party?
/u/AspergersAndCoffee [5'2F | CW spooky scary skeleton | Recovering (?)]
Created: Tue Oct 9 22:42:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mwg9f/whats_a_pint_party/
I've seen that term thrown around in the recovery community a bit...I guess it's about eating a pint of ice cream and not purging it, killing yourself or whatever your ED would want to. But idk if I'm right. Am I?

[Other] She brightened my night!
/u/muesally [5’7 | CW: 160 | 25.1 | UGW: 110 | female ❤️]
Created: Tue Oct 9 22:37:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mwfae/she_brightened_my_night/
I sent a friend a video of me doing something stupid and the first thing she says is that it looks like I’ve lost weight! This made me happy even tho I can’t see it but oh well. It’s a nice feeling even tho tomorrow i’m gonna wake up and think i’m disgusting as always. I feel hella more motivated now so I think I’m gonna begin a 48 fast. On a side note: Does anyone count c&s as breaking a fast? I never have because I don’t think you absorb enough calories for it to count but idk.

accountability post do not upvote
Created: Tue Oct 9 22:27:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mwcyf/accountability_post_do_not_upvote/

[Help] Leg exercises/weight loss
/u/ihate-chicken [5’7” | CW:114 | 17.8 |]
Created: Tue Oct 9 22:25:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mwcm3/leg_exercisesweight_loss/
I feel like no matter what I do, I never lose weight in my legs or thighs...

Anyone have any advice? Is it mostly just genetics and body composition?

Created: Tue Oct 9 22:13:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mw9sc/gum/
How much gum do you chew everyday?

I need motivation for a 24 hour fast
Created: Tue Oct 9 22:11:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mw9ek/i_need_motivation_for_a_24_hour_fast/
I’ve never done one, which is making me feel pathetic right now.

I had a couple family events this weekend and have eaten so much in the past week that I am weighing in 10lbs heavier (definitely some water weight but I know I also gained :/ ). Kill me.
I don’t think I’ve ever actively tried to restrict for 24 hours straight, so I’m posting here to force myself to actually do it haha

[Rant/Rave] Embarrassed about my roommate's concern about my food choices, but for the opposite reason as everyone else?
Created: Tue Oct 9 22:11:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mw9ct/embarrassed_about_my_roommates_concern_about_my/
I loveeeeee making protein xantham gum ice cream like literally every night. Then my roommate comes in and gets really nosey about my ice cream creation (she can be a little over the top holistic about health and fitness too). She was poking at it and getting real close to it all curious..... and all I could thinking about was how she thinks I eat all of this food all of the time, because that would make sense given my current body :-/

[Rant/Rave] A famous actress just walked by...
/u/september2january [5’8” | SW196/CW 191| BMI 28/Lost 6lbs| F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 22:08:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mw8pe/a_famous_actress_just_walked_by/
So earlier I was out, sweating and getting some exercise and Amber H (rhymes with bird) passed by. My god she is so skinny in that glowing way that makes me want to crawl under a rock and die. I watched her disappear over and over behind street poles because she is thinner than the poles! Men’s jaws dropping and necks snapping as they turned uncontrollably.

I stood like a giant sweaty potato, trying not to look. It took everything to look away. And it took all I had to scrape up some energy to go home.

I’m trying so hard to lose weight in a healthy way. I really am. Trying to keep my brain demons from making me lose 50lbs by tomorrow. I’ll never be as beautiful as Amber H no matter how much I lose.

It is so hard to take weight loss day by day instead of starving myself. When I walk outside and see perfectly slim healthy fit model bodies being out shined by pure gold wattage of Amber and then there’s me in my hideous overweight fatty suit. Sweating like an idiot. I just want to never eat solid food again. Or just eat all the food until I die.

I know it is immature and shallow to compare myself to others but I can’t help it. It’s just true that people like her are born, not made. No matter how much I try I can never be like her. Never. Ever.

I’ve ruined my body by gaining weight. I’m scared I’ll hate myself when I’ve taken off the fat and I’m left with sags and wrinkles and loose skin and just a skinny ugly person.

What is the point of any of it? If I’m thin, I’m miserable. If I’m fat, I’m miserable. If I lose weight slowly it’s like a death of 1000 cuts. It’s excruciating. If I lose weight quickly I lose my hair, my health, but at least I get to the place of at least being acceptable. But, for what? I don’t even care anymore. I want out of this race.

[Rant/Rave] fasted for 36 hours, ate an apple bcs i felt rlly faint & now i feel like i’m dying👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻
/u/death-crush [156cm | CW: 45.4kg | BMI 18.7 |GW: 43kg| 19F | bulimic bitch]
Created: Tue Oct 9 21:41:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mw2i9/fasted_for_36_hours_ate_an_apple_bcs_i_felt_rlly/
so this was my first fast that exceeded 20 hours. my plan last night was to keep going for a few more hours until lunch but i woke up feeling kinda sick so i was like... ok, maybe i should actually eat smth

i ate an apple bcs it was the only thing in my fridge that felt “safe” (not that i have many options oops) and it’s been about an hour and i feel like i’m going to throw up, i’m dizzy and shaking. it’s almost 7 am here and i have a seminar at 8. i want to die

have y’all had any similar experiences when first trying longer fasts? & what do u usually eat to break them? hope your day is going better than mine rip, love y’all

[Rant/Rave] Job interview today... none of my suits fit :l
/u/chocolatemochas [163cm|49kg|18.4bmi|♀️]
Created: Tue Oct 9 21:39:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mw1yq/job_interview_today_none_of_my_suits_fit_l/
On the good side: I am now AU 4-6 (US 0-2), my suits are all AU 6-8.

On the bad side: I went to my interview today looking like a child in a grown-up's outfit, had to pin my trousers so they didn't fall down and everything. It would've been hilarious if I wasn't so worried about one of the pins coming undone and having my pants fall down on my way out :D

does two spoons of cream cheese count as a meal
/u/ImMissBrightside [5'2" | cw: 94 | gw: 90| 23f]
Created: Tue Oct 9 21:33:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mw0ps/does_two_spoons_of_cream_cheese_count_as_a_meal/

[Rant/Rave] Feeling crappy, fasting for a week who wants to join? [Vent]
Created: Tue Oct 9 21:28:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mvzjq/feeling_crappy_fasting_for_a_week_who_wants_to/
Throwaway acct. because bf knows my main.

Honestly I don't expect anyone to read this wall of text. I hope nobody actually reads this embarrassing shit. I've just got this weight on my chest for years and I feel like I'm about to explode.

This is probably the most pathetic thing but I've always wanted to model. Not because I really give a shit about modeling (I hate pictures tbh) or because I want to be "gLamOUrous" but because I fucking love fashion and models. I stalk like every hf model out there and I know so much about them I creep my bf out. I love fashion, and really the only reason I want to be a model is to be able to see those beauuuuutiful clothes in real life. Like, to be able to touch, no, not only touch, but WEAR a haute couture dress that some designer and seamstress poured months into...I can't even imagine.

I'm not creative enough to be a designer, and I'm not talented enough to be a seamstress or a photographer or whatever. Apparently I'm also too ugly to be a model. I've been rejected so many times. No. Scratch that SHIT. I would LOVE to be at least rejected. But no, every time I go to an open call or send my pictures in I get a "okay we'll let you know" or just a "seen" on instagram. Like, how HARD is it to just be like "nope sorry you're too ugly don't ever try ever again." At least I won't get my hopes up.

Add that to my body dysmorphia because of which I genuinely have NO IDEA what I look like and it's just...UGH. I KNOW that modeling is an industry of rejection but jesus fucking christ. To not even be able to get my foot in the door???? Not even be signed to an agency never mind book a show?? just LOL. Am I really that fat or hideous? Nobody even knows about this giant part of my life. Nobody know how fucking much I want to model because it's so embarrassing (and also like nobody cares about fashion). I've just kept this pipe dream in my chest since like 14.

Now my ED brain is like "oh you still have a chance you're just too FAT." So I'm going to fast for at least a week. I don't even care if I lose that much weight at this point. I just feel crappy and ugly and fat and not even worth a rejection. HMU if you want to join me. Sorry for the vent.

[Discussion] does anyone else SO get mad at them for not eating?
/u/alliwantisskinny [5'7 | 113 | 17.7 | -10 | female]
Created: Tue Oct 9 21:24:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mvyh1/does_anyone_else_so_get_mad_at_them_for_not_eating/
my boyfriend (while very supportive of me and my feelings most of the time) gets mad at me when I feel bad about eating and not wanting to eat. He also does the same thing about me wanting to hurt myself. I know he cares about me and it hurts him to see me this way but he gets mad at me and makes me feel worse sometime and I feel like I can't always tell him the truth. can anyone relate? or have advice?

[Goal] BYE 110 RANGE. BYE
/u/chzkayla [5'3 |UGW:102]
Created: Tue Oct 9 21:18:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mvx39/bye_110_range_bye/
and i hope i never see you again. fuck this shit.

i am so overwhelmed, because i have plateaued for the past 3-4 months, and it was mentally taxing, because i just want to go below 110, and i have been trying for so long, but went below 110lbs.

and now i am finally here, after restricting and fasting, like finally? i am here bitches, welcome me please!!!!!

100lbs soon please.

idk if this should be here or not, but i just needed to tell someone, and if i tell someone irl that i am below 110lbs they prob freak out, so i am here. take this down if you see the necessity!

[Rant/Rave] I dont feel human anymore
Created: Tue Oct 9 21:18:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mvx1d/i_dont_feel_human_anymore/
I am a binge eating monster instead =(

Anyone have kids? (Long)
/u/cjmorph [5’4 | 136| BMI | 50 pounds down| f]
Created: Tue Oct 9 21:10:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mvv1g/anyone_have_kids_long/
I’m to a point where eating a meal just makes me sick. I sip on soylent and eat small snacks throughout the day. Lately I’ve been smoking at night just to try and scare up an appetite (it’s legal where I live) I have a 4yo beautiful little girl and today she finally asked “mommy when do you get hungry?” Keep in mind my child eats 3 square meals a day and several healthy snacks. Once a week I let her choose the whole day of food and a desert. But she’s never asked why I don’t eat or why I’m not hungry till today. We always sit at the table together and she’s never mentioned it so it was kind of a shock.

My husband is military and has been gone almost a year. We reunite in January in another state. He usually keeps me in check. He’s supportive but he makes sure I stay realistic. I’m wondering if the stress is escalating my problem, but without my checker I’m not noticing if I’m getting out of control.

I told my daughter I get hungry all the time I just eat snacks instead of big meals. I’m scared I’ll hurt her with my eating habits but food just makes me sick with myself.

I don’t think I even really have a question just thinking out loud hoping I’m not the only mother out there without someone keeping them in check and what they do to support their kids NOT developing the same habits..

Best friend triggers me beyond belief - rubbing in how she lost 20 pounds in 14 days
Created: Tue Oct 9 21:02:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mvt2o/best_friend_triggers_me_beyond_belief_rubbing_in/
So my best friend is going through some guy drama right now and when she's sad she doesn't have an appetite. So she's claimed to have lost 20 pounds from 125 in the past 14 days. When she is content she doesn't have disordered eating as far as I know. She doesn't know what calories or intermittent fasting is or how CICO works or anything.

She's also had this very competitive nature with me since we were kids. She'll often say things like, "why are we so fat and ugly?" Or "wow we got fat" and limo me in with her at any chance she can get.

I've been working so hard these past few months to go from 130 to 116 (CW) and been fasting, restricting, basically killing myself while in grad school to only lose less than what she claims to have lost in the past 14 days.

She then says things like man I'm so anorexic looking now it's scary. But omg I have a thigh gap at laaast and let's go to the mall so you can come with me while I buy all new clothes.

I feel bad because I want to be there for her when she's depressed but she makes it so so hard for me when shes this triggering. She also knows I have ED attitudes and have been fasting all summer and basically hate myself.

What do you guys think ? Any similar experiences

[Rant/Rave] I don't want to be thin. I want to be sexy
Created: Tue Oct 9 20:45:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mvop9/i_dont_want_to_be_thin_i_want_to_be_sexy/
Okay, so I do want to be thin; not always in a super thin way, but in a hot way. I want them to want me- want my body. I want to have curves. I want to be able to wear a bikini, I want to look fucking fantastic in a tight black dress. I want it all

managed to avoid a binge :)
Created: Tue Oct 9 20:37:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mvmpj/managed_to_avoid_a_binge/
so I like many of us it seems frequently gain/lose the same. fucking. weight. I fluctuate around the same 20 lbs constantly and im tired of it so I finally decided that not only am I going to fast for at least five days (I've done multiple 3 day fasts w/ no trouble) but I'm not going to binge coming out of my fast either.


I'm a day in so far and during a staff meeting today we were offered lots of snacks, cookies and trail mix and the like, and I just knew that eating them would make me want to eat more because "I already broke my fast so FUCK IT" but instead! I managed to stay strong and just drank my water while the people next to me chowed down on Oreos :)

[Rant/Rave] falling back into unhealthy habits : )
Created: Tue Oct 9 20:33:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mvlsh/falling_back_into_unhealthy_habits/
So i just started adderall to treat adhd and as I’m sure a lot of you know stimulants are a fantastic appetite suppressant. I dont weigh myself because I’m trying to not fall back into my good old unhealthy habits but my boyfriend has commented saying I look like I’ve lost weight and it’s filling me with such a sense of euphoria and elation. I can fit into jeans I had started to get too big for, but I still look good. And with the adderall, I really only need one meal a day plus snacks.

It’s just fantastic. And I know it’s bad to be this happy about not having to eat and losing weight but aaahhh. I’ve been wanting to lose weight for MONTHS, I gained somewhere between 10-20 lbs in the past year and a half and that rly screwed me up. But I was too unmotivated. And I feel like this stimulant related weight loss is the motivation i need.

Which is awful. Bc part of me doesnt want to fall back into unhealthy habits. But most of me is just happy.

[Help] Have to talk to my doctor after basically lying for years... I'm terrified
/u/peyton2724 [5'9'' | CW: 145 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 20:13:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mvggz/have_to_talk_to_my_doctor_after_basically_lying/
Hey there. So, long story short, I've finally decided to get help for my eating disorder. I don't talk to anyone about it - including my father (I'm a minor, by the way, we'll get to it) - and no one really knows about it because my EDNOS leaves me at the same weight forever. Anyways. I'm a military dependent, and therefore rely on my father's TriCare, and in order to be covered for my specific thing with my specific therapist I have to get a recommendation from my physician.

Simple enough. Me and my doctor are buds, I've had him for years and he's awesome, been super helpful through my growing up and he's really friendly. Even the nurses - they're awesome. But I've never - and I mean never - even somewhat mentioned my eating disorder to my doctor. The only professional I've talked to about my ED is my therapist - and I stopped going after the session where I told him about it.

I'm terrified. So legitimately scared. I know that I can very easily just have my dad leave the room and tell my doctor in private (and in most instances when it comes to mental health they ask for parents to leave anyway so that minors don't have any reservations etc. etc.), but I've never really talked to anyone fully about my eating disorder. I've told people I have one - but that's about the extent. I'm worried I'm going to break down just because I've never said it out loud before. Or that he's going to say that I'm not sick enough or something like that.

I don't know what to do. Can anyone who's talked to their doctor about their ED just kinda talk to me about how it goes or tell me what to do or something? Just anything, really.

[Help] gum addiction
Created: Tue Oct 9 20:11:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mvg3c/gum_addiction/
Anyone else feel like they need an intervention with their gum chewing habits? It recently got to the point where I was going through 5 packs a day..... yeah. I’ve been trying to cut back but it’s SO hard. I rely on gum not just for appetite suppression but to help me focus and stay awake and even relieve stress generally. It’s like each stick gives me this dopamine kick or something that distracts me from the huge mess of stress I have going on in my life rn. Pretty pathetic but that’s where I’m at.

Anyone have any advice? Pls feel free to share horror stories of what gum does to your body or whatever lol. I think being afraid for my teeth or jaw or stomach, etc., might be the only real motivation I have to quit this gross habit :/

[Other] genius.
Created: Tue Oct 9 20:07:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mvev3/genius/

Does gum improve your jawline?
Created: Tue Oct 9 20:06:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mveoi/does_gum_improve_your_jawline/
I chew gum every single day (2 cal hehe) and I don’t see any difference but I read a long time ago that it did help defining your jawline
Did any of you know the truth?

[Rant/Rave] Wooo! Problems with love, family, work, school, and friends! At least there’s... uh... fasting, I guess?
Created: Tue Oct 9 19:52:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mvax0/wooo_problems_with_love_family_work_school_and/
Wait I suck at that, too!

I’m not getting paid for my internship, the man I have liked for a year has been stringing me along and my gut (and common sense) FEELS it, my home life is stressful and it’s hard to be around my family so I always go sit in my car alone in parking lots, I suck at school, and I have no friends that I enjoy near me.

In b4 “aww hugs!! staY strOngG hurr” wtf does that even mean.

Oh my fucking god I want to die why did I do this
/u/TotallyNotARadar [6'1" | CW: 113 | BMI: 14.23 | F (MtF, Pre-HRT)]
Created: Tue Oct 9 19:40:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mv7tv/oh_my_fucking_god_i_want_to_die_why_did_i_do_this/
What the fucking fuck fuck fuck

I just had a 2,380 calorie DINNER. I just. Couldn’t. Fucking. Stop. I knew I shouldn’t. I didn’t want to eat what I was eating. But my fucking head just was like “dooooo itttttt”. Do I want cake too? Fuck sure I do because I fucking hate myself that’s why. 600 calories god damn it.

I’m at 3.5k IN TODAY. I legit can’t work out enough to end the day at a net zero. I promised myself I’d never lax or puke so guess who’s going to suffer in silence and never never eat again

[Discussion] Question for you foodies and food porn watchers!
Created: Tue Oct 9 19:30:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mv4vl/question_for_you_foodies_and_food_porn_watchers/
What do you get out of watching cooking/baking shows or youtube channels or looking at food porn?

For a brief moment I felt a serene admiration for a delicious looking dish, kinda like when you look out at a beautiful vista.... aaaaand then fat brain kicked in and screamed “EAT EVERYTHING!!!” So i had to stuff my disgusting pie-hole with low cal lentil soup to shut it the fuck up...

What about you guys?

[Rant/Rave] Fasting is the only thing that feels normal on days like today. [vent]
/u/depressionbunny [5'6" | 138 | 22.6 | -12 | FM]
Created: Tue Oct 9 19:12:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mv0am/fasting_is_the_only_thing_that_feels_normal_on/
Not looking for advice. Just need to vent.


I haven't seen or talked to this ex in MONTHS. But he keeps popping up in my dreams, and too many things still remind me of him. We weren't even an official couple, just hung out for 8 months. He has a new girlfriend. I have a new boyfriend. Stupid brain and heart won't shake him. I hate how it ended. I hate that it ended. Now he haunts me everywhere I look, even when I sleep. I need an exorcist or something. I'm miserable.


Half way home, I started crying on the train. Not even like a real cry where you feel it coming on and your face wells up. Nope, just fat tears falling from my eyes like a leaky faucet without warning.


I feel very silly... and pathetic.


Last night I binged. It was on salad. Mixed greens, EVOO, dried cherries. Better than pizza, but still.
Fasted all day today, which feels gReAt. I'm going to finish my work, pop a benedryl, and pray that I dream of my dog instead.

EDbrain says that once I'm at my UGW, I'll feel better... That's not true. I'll feel the same, plus frustrated because nothing changed.... Begs the question. What do I really want changed?...

/\[Time to tell the truth, Depressionbunny. You're not fooling anyone with your 'strong independent woman-who-don't-put-up-with-BS' narrative.\]/


I want my ex. I want that ex to love me, to say I'm enough, and to be with me. I want him to call me, invite me out, where he'll apologize profusely for giving me up and beg for a second chance.


But that won't happen. That doesn't even happen in my dreams. /(would I even want it to?)/


So really, what I truly want, more than anything, is to finally move on. Completely. To forget about him entirely.


Anyway, thanks for letting me share my ramblings. Really had to get that out.

[Rant/Rave] Holy shit when did I lose 12 pounds?!?!?
Created: Tue Oct 9 18:54:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9muvb5/holy_shit_when_did_i_lose_12_pounds/
So I moved a few months ago. Moving across the continent is expensive and I’ve only just now gotten around to buying a scale.
I weighed myself and realized I’m 148 pounds, down 12 from the 160 when I weighed myself in early August.

This is what I weighed in my senior year of high school!

This also means, at 5 7, my BMI has gone from 25 to 23.2 so I am no longer borderline overweight!!!!


[Other] I just failed my fast
/u/lemonpepperfresh [5'1 | CW 117 | GW 92]
Created: Tue Oct 9 18:39:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9murgt/i_just_failed_my_fast/
I was 42 hrs in and I just binged on over 1000 calories.I was doing so well too!! Fml. now my stomach hurts so fucking bad. I honestly have no control over myself

[Rant/Rave] I tried fasting today
Created: Tue Oct 9 18:30:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9muoxi/i_tried_fasting_today/
It was amazing! I feel hangry but energetic. I’ve been stuck at 155 for a week now and if I’m not 154 or lower this fast is going tO KEEP GOING! It prevented me from snacking at work too, which is great because I work in a bakery. I’m doing this more often!

Small Victory
/u/chrissylessthan3 [5'2 | CW: 128 | HW: 132.5 | GW: 112 | UGW: 105]
Created: Tue Oct 9 18:20:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mum8u/small_victory/
I was at Target. I've had a really really hard past few days so I was wandering around. I grabbed vegan chicken strips and buffalo sauce and vegan ice cream bars. I wasn't going to binge and eat the whole thing, but have a dinner and ice cream. So on my way to the counter I see this girl on the phone who is like "Oooh mom! They kept saying I look like I lost a bunch of weight. I feel so good." So I turned around and put the snacks back, just got kombucha and a small bag of chips instead :) Fork yeah!

[Help] I’ve been eating so badly lately. Help
/u/RachAgainstLeMachine [5'3 🌻 CW: 93lbs 🌻 21F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 18:19:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mum4t/ive_been_eating_so_badly_lately_help/
So idk why I’ve been eating absolutely horribly lately. I mean realistically I’m probably not going to gain (I’ve been eating 1200-1500 on the reg lately, but I exercise a lot), but at the end of the summer I was only eating 600-800 calories. It seems like no matter how hard I try, I can’t get back to that.

I tend to blow all of my calories in the middle of the day. On work days, I’ll have a small breakfast, go to work at McDonalds (either 4am/6:30am-12/2pm), and then just go home and eat and eat and eat. On school days (Tuesday’s & Thursday’s) , I’ll go to school from 7:30am-4:30pm and then just eat a ton again. I make sure to eat a small breakfast before school and eat a Greek yogurt in the middle of the day.

I just don’t know what to do. I’ve been baking a lot lately too, so ofc I’ve been eating tons of sugar and fat. But I don’t want to give up baking cuz I love it.

At first I thought it was just PMS, but I’ve been like this for like a week now. I’m also sick, so that could be it.

Any advice?

[Discussion] ur fav low cal yet big ass meals?
/u/2AMChiliSoap [5'3F|CW: 135| BMI: 23.8 |GW: 125|-50|]
Created: Tue Oct 9 18:16:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mul9i/ur_fav_low_cal_yet_big_ass_meals/
stir fry is mine. i have decided that today.

so good, so so good. and cheap! AND DISGUSTINGLY filling. i feel bloated. i do not want to eat anymore. i am doing OMAD, and a stirfry omad? i didn't count calories today cuz i was depressed and hungry but ... god, i dont even wanna eat anymore. the crazy thing is, i ate 2 saucers full, probably about 2 cups? cooked up some tofu with it too, and im just... im good. it's like eating a lo-mein. I also put buldak sauce on there -- that's where the bulk of the calories are. listen, can't help it, call me whatyou want, i'm a taurus rising. i like a good tasting meal. i have sacrificed far too long to get to the weight i am now.

i made this last night for my OMAD and i dropped 2 pounds. i know for a fact this isn't sustainable, but i'm so so glad i have this tool because i ate a quarter of the most delicious brownie that i've ever had, and i'm still feeling super guilty, but knowing im full and satisfied from something so low calorie helps.

there, i have shared mine, what are your favs?

[Rant/Rave] vacationing with an ed
/u/crossdressingcarp [5’10 | 20 | f | cw: 🐘 | 🍑🌱🐻]
Created: Tue Oct 9 18:16:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mul79/vacationing_with_an_ed/
i’m on vacation right now so i decided to just enjoy this week and don’t worry about restricting and like technically its going fine because im having a good time not high key worrying about calories and i still finish the day like 500 calories away from maintance but somehow i still feel absolutely terribleand feel like i look extra gross..... yikes

This zine I got.
Created: Tue Oct 9 18:01:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9muh2z/this_zine_i_got/

[Rant/Rave] ER made me remember a reason that I need to lose weight
Created: Tue Oct 9 17:55:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mufeh/er_made_me_remember_a_reason_that_i_need_to_lose/
They aren’t going to help me. It’s nothing related to ed. I’ve just had some abdominal pain and it’s getting worse so here I am. But it’s become clear that they don’t believe me and don’t care. If I was small and fragile they would listen to me and try to help out of concern. Instead here I am crying like a pathetic creature in the hallway.

I only came here rather than Urgent care (which would be cheaper and faster) because I called urgent care and they said abdominal pain would require imaging that they couldn’t do. So I wasted time and energy and money which are all resources I don’t have much of. I hate myself, I always make the wrong decisions.

Next time I want to I just want to remember how I feel right now. I was going to stop drinking so much but I really need it after today. Here’s to the next three days of only consuming energy drinks, alcoholic beverages and Diet Coke. I just want to die. Maybe whatever is wrong with my stomach will kill me. I hope so.

[Discussion] DAE get super tired and drained during their period
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 |CW 117 | GW 115 | GW 105-110 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 17:49:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mudvn/dae_get_super_tired_and_drained_during_their/
So I’m currently laying here with no energy. I ate about 600-800 calories today and purged a lot of that. Now I have a head ache and a lot of fatigue and lethargy.

My first purge.
Created: Tue Oct 9 17:29:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mu8i9/my_first_purge/
I'm slightly drunk so I'm sorry if this post is a bit silly but I felt like I had to get this off my chest. I've always hated myself if I ate a bit too much or ate any junk food but for a few months now this self hatred has become very intense. I've been managing it with exercising as much as possible (I'm about 46 kg/101 lbs btw) but tonight I got a takeaway on my way home with friends and when I got home I felt so guilty I had to make myself throw up. I felt so much better after. I've always been obsessed about keeping my weight low but I feel like I'm hitting a new level with this. I just really hate myself.

[Rant/Rave] People who gatekeep dieting
Created: Tue Oct 9 17:28:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mu864/people_who_gatekeep_dieting/
This is the 373627th time someone has felt the need to comment on my eating. I bought steamed edamame and strawberries and a diet Dr Pepper for my work lunch (ended up throwing away rhe edamame because i overcooked it, RIP). Coworker thought it was necessary to say,
"Why are you eating so little? You could stand to gain a little weight" led into how she hated people who "act like they're fat for attention". Like FUCK off I eat like this so i don't look like YOU, Susan. That's the point!!

[Rant/Rave] i’m pretty dumb
Created: Tue Oct 9 17:18:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mu5kr/im_pretty_dumb/
but this is a new low for me. yesterday i binged pretty hard and ended up drinking expired miralax now today i feel like shit. why do i do this to myself

[Discussion] Yo idk if I'm overeating or just eating normally
Created: Tue Oct 9 16:54:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mtygp/yo_idk_if_im_overeating_or_just_eating_normally/
I'm kinda sorta in recovery. Anyone else feel this way lmaoo help

(i dont keep a food diary anymore bc it makes me relapse every time i try so)

[Help] How can I hold myself accountable to finish a fast?
Created: Tue Oct 9 16:41:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mtuwg/how_can_i_hold_myself_accountable_to_finish_a_fast/
I want to go 3 hours / 70 hrs of fasting. But I've never reached that goal before because I have nothing to keep me accountable. I know it's against the rules but if I could just have a buddy for when I fast, or a link to a site for that. Or if that's completely not allowed, should I tell someone to motivate me (but maybe not tell them what I'm doing)? Or maybe I should post it publicly online and strangers would motivate me (however, that has never worked before)? Maybe there is some other strategy idk. Any suggestions are appreciated.

[Help] My obsession with food
Created: Tue Oct 9 16:37:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mtttj/my_obsession_with_food/
I have little control of my life so I have been controlling my food and weight. I am overweight now and am seriously restricting because I want to get down to 115. I miss being skinny. But this obsession keeps me thinking about food all the time. What do you do to stop thinking about food? I hate this mentality.

[Help] Advice/Help with Orthorexia
Created: Tue Oct 9 16:25:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mtqkg/advicehelp_with_orthorexia/
Hello everyone! First of all, I think it’s fantastic that this community exists. A safe place for people to come together and help each other through these rough times - it’s truly inspiring. I wish you all the best and I’m rooting for each and every one of you.

I was hoping some of you could help me out. Recently, someone I care for very deeply revealed to me that they are struggling with orthorexia. I’ve been able to learn bits and pieces of their struggle from what they’ve told me, but naturally they’re very hesitant to share all the personal details at this time. I very much respect their privacy in this matter, but I want to know as much as I possibly can about this eating disorder so I can be there for this person at every turn.

I’ve read seemingly every article I can find on the internet about orthorexia, so what I’m looking for here is personal experiences with orthorexia. I’d really appreciate it if any of you could provide insight into the following:

1) Have you ever suffered from orthorexia? If so, what did your day to day feel like?

2) Outside of restriction, what other challenges did you face? How did you find that orthorexia impacted you socially, physically, mentally?

3) What were some of the most helpful/supportive things that people did for you? Is there anything you could recommend that a friend do to help someone suffering?

4) In terms of treatment options, what did you find worked best?

5) Those of you who would consider yourself ‘cured’ (since I know that’s a difficult word to use when talking about eating disorders) can you talk about your journey to get there?

I know this is a lot to ask but I’d really appreciate any answers, brief or otherwise. Thank you so much!!

I'm such a mess tbh
Created: Tue Oct 9 16:12:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mtmpu/im_such_a_mess_tbh/
I wasn't even hungry, but my brain made me eat a whole bunch of peanut butter. And then it yelled at me to take a bunch of laxatives. I couldn't find my mom's good ones, but there were some things called "Equalactin" that I took instead. The daily max is eight. I took ten.

Yes I know laxative abuse doesnt solve anything and will wreck me in the long run. I just needed to rant.

Treatment is fucking expensive
/u/brgr77 [Height | CW | BMI | Weight Lost | Gender]
Created: Tue Oct 9 16:10:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mtm2u/treatment_is_fucking_expensive/
After seeing a therapist at my university for a few months, she decided to do an official ED assessment on me. It showed that I’m at a major concern for eating problems and the campus counseling center doesn’t have anyone or any program that specializes in EDs so she gave me some references for treatment centers and counselors in my area. The last couple of weeks I’ve been working with a university worker to pick the best place for me, since many aren’t covered by insurance, only have programs while I’m in class, it’s such a complicated process. Well we finally contacted a place only to find out that all the programs have a $4,000 deductible which I was expecting but still sucks to hear cause my parents can’t afford that even on a payment plan. I’m kind of at my wit’s end cause most treatments are gonna be this expensive. I’ve been looking for other places but the process is truly exhausting and having to deal with insurance and stuff is confusing and top of it all I’m in the middle of midterms so I’m just stressed and exhausted. I actually want help and can’t even afford it and am unsure of what to do now cause I can’t fix this by myself. Idk I really just wanna give up on it all and continue to be miserable cause I don’t have the energy to keep looking through all these treatment centers I can’t afford

[Rant/Rave] and this was supposed to be my fresh start....
/u/halfsmokedcig [5’2” | BMI: 24 | CW: 132 | GW: 115 | UGW: 104 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 15:51:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mtg1e/and_this_was_supposed_to_be_my_fresh_start/
currently studying abroad in Europe for the semester and am in a dorm with my own kitchen. I was so excited to come here for this reason. this was supposed to be my fresh new Eat Healthy Lose Weight Control All My Food And My Whole Body phase —

instead it’s my binge as much as possible and subsist soley on carbs because I have no self control.

this was supposed to be my chance to slip quietly and completely back into restriction mode and instead I’m on high binge. why can’t I get ahold of myself even here?? do I have no shame?? So sick and tired of being the DUFF, and I know that’s a shitty sexist thing to say but I really just can’t help but feel so inadequate when I see how other people just so easily recognize how to eat well and control their hunger. Why is it just me who can’t?????

490 of my 965 calories today were candy no regrets though
/u/peacecorpsquestion3 [5’6 | 118]
Created: Tue Oct 9 15:39:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mtcfo/490_of_my_965_calories_today_were_candy_no/
anyone else basically a junk food ana? I survive off of like candy and halo top and iced coffee. And vitamins of course lol.

Instant weight loss
Created: Tue Oct 9 15:39:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mtcbq/instant_weight_loss/
Getting my blood drawn! Hardly ate or drank anything yesterday I’m so fucking anxious I might pass out lol RIP

What looks the safest on this menu??
/u/trying97 [CW 130-128- 126 | GW 110]
Created: Tue Oct 9 15:19:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mt6o1/what_looks_the_safest_on_this_menu/
I have to go out to eat with the family... what looks safest? [http://www.pacificeastkent.com/menu/](http://www.pacificeastkent.com/menu/)

[Help] Chinese food HELP
/u/ihate-chicken [5’7” | CW:116 | 18.1 |]
Created: Tue Oct 9 15:18:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mt6ey/chinese_food_help/
Help help help

What do I get at a Chinese restaurant tonight without looking too suspicious? Chinese food FREAKS me out

[Rant/Rave] The hardest part of losing weight is getting out of the gain/lose cycle
/u/BlurJAMD [5'4" | CW: 140lbs | GW: 110lbs | NB]
Created: Tue Oct 9 14:58:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mt07f/the_hardest_part_of_losing_weight_is_getting_out/
I swear I've gone through the same 10 lbs for the last year, WHEN WILL THIS END

[Help] Can’t tell if constipated or normal...
Created: Tue Oct 9 14:32:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9msrwx/cant_tell_if_constipated_or_normal/
Sorry for the gross but i need poo help...

I binged two says ago: ate two big meals that were bout 2000 cals each. I’ve been fasting for the last two days and my stomach feels weird. I feel like i constantly have to go but nothing really happens other than a bit of sporadic diarrhea. Plus theres this awful churning gurgle in the middle of my intestines, like a massive bout of diarrhea is coming but it never seems to get farther.

I honestly can’t tell if it’s just slowly working it’s way through, if i’m actually empty and my tummy’s just mad at me for that, or if there is something of a block at that middle section...

[Discussion] DAE Think the new coke zero sugar tastes exactly like normal coke?
/u/coffee-vanilla [F | 5’9 | CW:150 GW:130]
Created: Tue Oct 9 14:03:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9msj1i/dae_think_the_new_coke_zero_sugar_tastes_exactly/
Its been years since i’ve drank a normal coke so im not sure how accurate it is, but i bought a bottle of the new coke zero sugar and i had to recheck the label as it tastes so ‘sugary’? What do you think of it? Kinda scared that its normal coke LOL even tho its in a coke zero sugar bottle

All my GW clothes fit
/u/lunasouseiseki [180cm | 77kg | 23.8 | -10kg | F:snoo_shrug:]
Created: Tue Oct 9 13:50:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9msesy/all_my_gw_clothes_fit/
And I couldn't have done it without your guys. This sub has been such a life raft. You're all beautiful!

Now, to wear everything but my GW clothing because I couldn't possibly be a size 12.

DAE obsess over heart rate and blood pressure?
/u/LizE4 [5'3.5 | CW: ~104 | BMI 18.1 | GW: 90 | 🍑 butterscotchpanda]
Created: Tue Oct 9 13:49:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9msefh/dae_obsess_over_heart_rate_and_blood_pressure/
Maybe I'm just weird, but I have a fitbit and a blood pressure monitor and I obsess over what my resting heart rate is and my blood pressure too. I used to have a resting heart rate in the low 50s and dangerously low blood pressure but now that both are in the normal range I feel shitty about myself.

I feel like maybe it was validation that I was sick. That I was getting too skinny.

But now I'm even skinnier and I've lost that validation and I want to be dying again.

[Rant/Rave] First binge in a looong time
Created: Tue Oct 9 13:41:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9msc28/first_binge_in_a_looong_time/
Long-time lurker of this thread and finally posting after hitting rock bottom.

I’ve been restricting for awhile and was smooth sailing for the longest I’ve ever restricted for. I was losing steady weight. But I got high yesterday and even though I’m usually still good at restricting while high, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I ate way more than I have in ages: a Chipotle bowl and 4 HUGE cookies from a bakery.

I’ve slipped up before but this is really fucking me up. I feel so disgusted and hollow. I just ate again right now and feel disgusted with myself all over again even though it was just a salad. I didn’t even go to any of my 3 classes today and I need to start writing an essay but I can’t stop thinking about how much higher my weight was when I stepped on the scale this morning.

I feel so dramatic about it at all but I have nowhere else to talk about this stuff so I’ll put this thoughtless vent here. I just feel like I have no control over this.

[Rant/Rave] Zooming out, and what the fuck.
/u/robotsintrees [5'6 | 85.2lbs| 13.6 | Male]
Created: Tue Oct 9 13:38:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9msax0/zooming_out_and_what_the_fuck/
You guys saw the meal my husband made for us last night? A massive portion of pumpkin-parmesan ravioli PLUS eggplant parmesan (that's 2 separate entrees; I needed protein with the pasta, not more fat and carbs and cheese). I estimate at least 1500kcal for the meal; that had me at \~1800 for the day.
I've been eating some pretty substantial things all week; homemade pizza on Saturday, epic veggie burger on Friday, etc etc. So my head is FULL of thoughts that make me want to crawl out of my skin and I'm incredibly iffy about eating anything else ever.

My weight this morning was 85.2lbs. That's a pound down from last week, only a pound or two more than when I was admitted to hospital last month, and a solid 5 pounds from where I was when I was discharged and actually not wanting to slip back again. So I don't need to compensate for anything I've eaten. I can carry on with my meal plan and not worry that last night was massively too much (it was, but... the big picture, you know?).

Despite the solid evidence of my weight, the thoughts about what I've eaten are really holding me back. I had a smoothie this morning (because god forbid I have any more starches/grains), and I just hope that I can let go of the past and make myself a satisfying meal when I get home from work.

Semi-recovery: damned if you do, damned if you don't. (:

[Discussion] Accidentally took too much caffeine
/u/Isaidbiiiitttttttchh [Height 5’9”| HW:216| CW:150 | GW: 132 Gender: F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 13:37:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9msalr/accidentally_took_too_much_caffeine/
Ok took way to much caffeine and now my heart is racing and I feel scattered and a bit manic. I wasn’t trying to restrict. I’ve just been so sleepy after I run I took 400mg of caffeine with a tiny bit of preworkout.

Who else has accidentally done this? It’s an weird feeling. Now I just gotta wait it out.

I haven't had my period in over 6 months....
Created: Tue Oct 9 13:36:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9msae7/i_havent_had_my_period_in_over_6_months/
... and my skin is paying the price for it. Have any of you had acne on your face due to amenorrhea?

[Rant/Rave] My SO is trying to gain weight
Created: Tue Oct 9 13:27:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ms7hx/my_so_is_trying_to_gain_weight/
He is 6’7 and is pretty active at his job and likes running for stress relief. His calorie goals are to try and hit 4,000 calories a day.... yup.

I want to cry just thinking about helping him meet his goals.

Thank goodness for OMAD, so hopefully we’ll still get to eat together sometimes.

[Rant/Rave] I'm not sure what to do anymore
Created: Tue Oct 9 13:24:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ms6u2/im_not_sure_what_to_do_anymore/
Being in college is not easy and it doesn't make your time any easier while having anxiety, depression and an eating disorder. I'm getting to that point where I think I'll be failing this year because my eating disorder makes me feel impaired.

It's really dragging me down where I don't feel like I can function properly and idk what to do about this anymore. I'm scared for how much lower I'll go and what will happen to me. I don't want to fail school, have people leave me, or be hospitalized/ die.

I just really needed to get this out. Sorry.

Hunger pangs
Created: Tue Oct 9 13:24:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ms6tf/hunger_pangs/
I usually eat sea salt to stop hunger pangs as it both makes me feel a little sick but also stops me from feeling hungry as it's usually taste rather than actual food I'm craving. But recently I've noticed I can almost feel my blood pressure rising when I do this, does anyone have a slightly healthier way of stopping a craving than this??? thanks in advance

[Rant/Rave] oh boy
Created: Tue Oct 9 13:15:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ms3yw/oh_boy/
Excuse the mad ramblings of a 21 year old guy that just purged and drank a lot of vodka, but I don’t see my therapist until next week and I need a place to vent.

I’m fed up. Seriously. I’m so done. I’ve been recently diagnosed with borderline. It wasn’t really a big surprise, I was quite aware that there is something seriously wrong with me, but it was still a diagnosis that punched me directly into the face. But as we all know, mental illnesses are buy one and get one for free! What a deal! So I got an eating disorder as a bonus.

It’s a weird combination. I’m empty. All the time. There is a void inside me and I can’t fill it. My personality is a iridescent chameleon fitted for the people I like. I use people up and throw them away, because I can’t deal with the attention I receive. I purge and starve because I have to be liked by everyone. I. Am. Hungry. But nothing ever fills me up. No amount of food can ever fill the gigantic hole in the place where my soul should be.

But the worst thing is the loneliness. I love being alone. But every day passes and I don’t talk to anyone. And the feeling of loneliness creeps up from behind. Hunger numbs the feeling of loneliness. I haven’t talked to anyone in a week. Not because nobody wants to talk to me; but because I can’t stand talking to anybody. I am so angry when friends contact me. For no reason I am so angry. And the anger is all consuming, and so burning. It burns and it hurts me and everybody else.

But the worst thing is the limbo I am a prisoner of. The prison of my body image. Am I skinny? Yeah, kind of. Am I really skinny? I don’t think so. Am I beautiful? One minute I am the most gorgeous person on earth, the next minute I am a piece of ugly trash nobody wants. The highest of highs and the lowest of lows nearly simultaneous.

And this ambivalence of self-perception shifts everyday. It shifts every minute. And it’s so fucking exhausting. I have no Idea who or what I am. I am an empty vessel. My therapist says everybody has a personality; I doubt I have one.

But the worst thing is the loneliness. There’s this constant thought that I will be forever alone. That I will never find a guy that truly likes me, because when someone likes you, you have to open up and show them your soul. But what if you don’t really have a soul?

It’s not that I have problems finding guys. There are plenty. Men, for some fucked up reason, really love me. I Am like a tornado that storms into their life. They love me because I instantly know what they want and I adjust my personality accordingly. I lure them in and ghost them. I give them what they really desire. But when I’m done with them, I have to leave. I have to leave because I am so afraid that they will see what I really am. They love me, because seduction is a game for me. When I seduce someone, I feel like the sexiest person on earth. It’s not that I am literally sexy, but in the moment I am. After that I have to flee. I flee while he showers. And I walk home and congratulate myself on my victory.

And later when I’m in the shower I feel the despair coming. The big question: Why? Why did I have to do this? Why can’t I be normal? And it keeps me awake. And the loneliness is back and I still feel empty. And i Look at myself in the mirror and I am fat again.

Tl;dr: everything is absolutely horrible and idk, I think I’m gonna get some dick now

[Rant/Rave] Being sick
Created: Tue Oct 9 13:04:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ms0h2/being_sick/
I fucking hate being sick because it makes me feel like shit, but also I LOVE IT. I lose my appetite and always lose so much weight. Plus it’s acceptable to eat soup for every meal which is super low cal. Yay being sick kinda

From anorexia to bed
Created: Tue Oct 9 12:59:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mrz29/from_anorexia_to_bed/
Why the fuckkkk is wrong with me. I used to be so good at restricting. It used to be so easy. Suddenly at an BMI 17 (idc if I even had ana cuz I wasnt dangerously underweight) I decided to ‘recover’ lmao. That was like 4 months ago and I have literally been binging ever since. Gained more than I even lost in the first place. Every time I try to restrict now I just binge. Every time I feel sad or frustrated I just binge now. Idc what to do because the self hatred is becoming intolerable. Literally justifying my binges because I hate myself anyway. My excuses are so dumb “I’m ugly, bad skin, bad socially so why not binge as well🤷🏼‍♀️” what is weird is that I started restricting because I had an intense self hatred but now I binge instead?? Worst trade off ever. My coping mechanism used to make me thin, now I’m just a fat gross bitch yay
Sry just rambling I guess. Maybe someone can relate.

[Rant/Rave] DAE regret breaking their fast
/u/whitechocolateonly [5'8" | CW: 128.2 & BMI: 19.5 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 12:25:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mrogg/dae_regret_breaking_their_fast/
I broke a 36 hour fast this morning that I know I could prevented by drinking some water but I was too lazy to go get my water bottle. I’m so mad at myself. I know realistically it won’t negatively impact my progress but that doesn’t change how I feel. At least I’m finally in the mindset to fast for extended periods again.

[Rant/Rave] Feeling gross today
/u/exgfbff [5'9 | CW 142 | SW 149 | GW 130]
Created: Tue Oct 9 12:24:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mrobp/feeling_gross_today/
This morning when I weighed myself I was only a couple oz less than I was yesterday, but when I put on my work clothes (I had a three day weekend) I felt like I was swimming in them. I don't really feel skinnier I just feel like I look like I'm wearing over sized baggy clothes. Has anyone else experienced this? I've been spending a lot of extra time in the gym lately so maybe that's why I haven't lost any actual weight but I can definitely tell my clothes look baggier. Le sigh.

[Other] Idk what to this of this- let me explain.
Created: Tue Oct 9 12:23:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mro08/idk_what_to_this_of_this_let_me_explain/
The other day I managed to stay within my new calorie goal and it felt amazing. I’d lost a bunch of weight with my previous one but hit a wall so I decided to take it further.

Well, I was getting out of the shower and when I looked in the mirror, for about 10 seconds, I felt like i actually looked pretty. My face and body, I just felt beautiful.

Within minutes I looked in the mirror again and I felt the same as I always do. I felt like I still needed to change. There was still work to be done.

Is this body dysmorphia? Could that have been my mental filter letting me see through for a bit?

It’s all confusing because for as long as I can remember I’ve seen my reflection as intensely flawed and in need of change. I’ve never looked at myself and just thought ‘wow. You’re actually beautiful’

I’m sorry if this is stupid or sounds weird.

[Rant/Rave] I lost a diamond!!!
/u/zaniathin [5’3” | CW: 154 | -6 lbs | F | Relapsed Again]
Created: Tue Oct 9 12:23:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mrnv5/i_lost_a_diamond/
I’ve been having a pretty rough day today and the icing on the cake was looking down at my wedding ring and see that one of my diamonds is missing.

Everything today has been shit.

I was thinking about breaking my fast but fuck that. I’m going to keep fasting just to prove to whatever Murphy’s law this is that I’m in control!

[Discussion] DAE hides away food "for later" and just forgets about it?
Created: Tue Oct 9 12:20:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mrn3b/dae_hides_away_food_for_later_and_just_forgets/
So I always keep hard candy and toffees around myself since, weirdly enough, eating a piece of candy helps me avoid binging/eating something more calorie dense.

I'm currently looking through stuff at my desk at work, since we're gonna move offices pretty soon, and I found a lil stash of candies, small chocolates and toffees that I had forgotten about. Hopefully they are still good. I have another bag of candies in my purse, and another one at home, and one more at my boyfriend's. Am I a hoarder?

[Rant/Rave] fuck periods
/u/lemonsubmarine [5'3" | CW 118 | GW 110 | UGW ??]
Created: Tue Oct 9 12:00:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mrgkd/fuck_periods/
Fuck my period forever. Fuck it for making me tired and irritable, fuck it for making me bloated and MOST OF ALL fuck it for making me binge for the first time in weeks. I was doing so damn well and now I have to get through a whole work day sitting with the trash feeling of a recent binge. Today is officially canceled, ok thank you for listening 🙃

Had an awful experience with a doctor today
/u/throwawayluckybamboo [5'4" | CW: 145.2 | GW: 125 | LW: 115 | UGW: 105]
Created: Tue Oct 9 11:59:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mrgew/had_an_awful_experience_with_a_doctor_today/
I've been trying to find a new family doctor and went for a 'meet and greet' with one I found online who seemed to have good reviews. It's started off bad right away. She asked how long I had been married for and then asked whether I wanted to have kids. I said we hadn't decided yet and she laughed and looked at me incredulously. Then we started talking about my anxiety and depression. I explained how it started up again with full force after problems with my MIL started happening. She told me I should just ignore her, and when I told her neither myself or my husband have seen her since last July she was shocked and asked why I was making my husband not see his mother, and how she must miss him so much and how I shouldn't make him do that because it's his mother. Right here is where I should say that I am South Asian and so is she. At this point I knew she thought my MIL/husband were also South Asian, so I told her that one of her things my MIL hates about me is my skin colour, because my husband and family are white. Her first reaction was 'I've never heard of a white MIL like that, usually it's just our culture'. Which is crazy, it's such a prevalent problem and you've seriously never seen it in anyone not brown?? She then followed it up by saying 'usually white people, they just raise their kids and then don't care about anything to do with them after they turn 18'. I didn't even know what to say to that! Then she said 'you have a PhD, why are you letting her effect you like this. Just ignore her and stop being anxious about it.' WoW tHaNkS iM cUrEd!!!1111

Then we talked about the eating disorder stuff and I told her it stemmed from my parents and brothers calling me fat all the time. Guess what she said??? 'Well, that's just how things are in our culture. I call my son fat all the time when he asks for cookies after eating dinner.' And I asked her 'would you still say that to him if it obviously upset him and he cried?' And she shrugged and didn't answer. And then I told her about how the first time my mom told me to go on a diet I was 7, she told me I was getting a tummy and I should stop eating so much. Again, she said 'it's just how we show caring'. I mentioned my poor relationship with my parents and how my parents used to hit us excessively and she said 'well, they're probably in their 60s now, you shouldn't say anything to them because they'll take it to heart.' And I said I don't talk to my dad anymore because of his behaviour and again she said 'he's old and probably didn't know better', and I told her about how when I was 23 I moved out and he was so angry he told me he 'wished I hadn't been born', or that he 'wished I had been born re****ed' and then called me a c**t. And I asked 'am I supposed to forgive that on top of all the other things' and she said maybe family counselling, even though I had already told her that when I asked him to apologize for this, he told me it was my fault that he said this. Apparently, if someone other than me tells him he might be more receptive. I told her that my parents went to counselling with a priest (lol) and the priest told my dad to stop hitting my mom and forcing her to have sex with him, but he didn't stop. Then she finally was like 'maybe it wouldn't work then'. I was so upset afterwards. I'm so tired of having my mental health issues dismissed as 'cultural issues'. The first time I tried to get help, the doctor said the same thing and it put me off trying again for another year.

And then at the end she told me again 'just don't be anxious, you're the only one who is affected.' Which is true, but if it was that fucking easy, don't you think I'd stop being anxious????

I guess this isn't really eating disorder related. But I feel like I have been completely invalidated in how my childhood shaped and led to my food issues and my mental health issues. I had already planned on starting a severe restriction cycle today because of how much I ate over the weekend, and I don't understand why but this has triggered me even more. I feel like I'm making up my issues and that I don't really have an eating disorder or it's just my fault if I do have one...

Studying whilst restricting
Created: Tue Oct 9 11:46:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mrcd1/studying_whilst_restricting/
I work full time and am also studying for a course which is due to finish next month. Today I was restricting and studying and it was really hard work. Does anybody have any advice for me? This course is really important

DAE sometimes eat more food to make sure their calorie count is accurate?
/u/Call_me_Cassius [5'5" | CW: too high | GW: too low | -45lb | M21]
Created: Tue Oct 9 11:30:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mr7bj/dae_sometimes_eat_more_food_to_make_sure_their/
I was trying to restrict without counting calories. Just relying on safe foods and portion control. I made a loaf of bread, but it was supposed to last the whole week and be my only carbs. Instead I ate most of it for breakfast this morning. And since I didn't stick to the plan, now I feel like I have to count the calories, except I didn't weigh the loaf before I ate it, so I don't know how much I ate. I know how much was in my whole loaf, and since I can't accurately determine how much I ate if it's less than the one whole, then obviously I have to eat the whole loaf today so I can count it accurately, even though I know the total is double what I'm comfortable with per day. But I ate more than half the loaf, so I'm already over my limit, so what does it matter?

There are a billion reasons to save the rest of the bread or even throw it away, just don't eat it now, but if I don't eat it now my calorie count is inaccurate and if I'm counting calories, which I guess I am now, I can't live with the numbers being off!

Does anyone else do this? Eat more just to be accurate?

Does anyone else’s ED distract them from their depression and anxiety?
/u/thinwishes_ [5'7" | CW 135 lb | GW 125 lb | UGW 120 lb | F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 11:28:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mr6oc/does_anyone_elses_ed_distract_them_from_their/

[Discussion] Scoliosis/ physically disfiguring conditions
Created: Tue Oct 9 11:12:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mr1to/scoliosis_physically_disfiguring_conditions/

I was wondering if anyone else had scoliosis or kyphosis or even anything else disfiguring that contributes to their ED.

I have had scoliokyphosis since I was 11 and its always been such a huge drain on my self image. Especially with the kyphosis, which is hunchback, I always look like I have a gut and just bigger all around because my back sticks out and my shoulders and ribs have grown bigger to allow myself to breathe normally.

It really sucks to feel like my weight is the only thing I can control about my appearance

Has anyone gone through surgery? I live in a less densely populated area so we don't have a lot of specialists or surgeons and surgery has never been suggested to me because of the risks, especially with kyphosis but pt has never helped and I'm constantly in pain.

This is a picture of me standing up as straight as I can which I almost never do because its painful

[Rant/Rave] That cliche phrase has finally become real for me
/u/little_tiny_pumpkin [5'5.5'' | CW: 119 | GW: 115 | HW: 136 | LW: 90 | 27F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 11:02:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mqyi3/that_cliche_phrase_has_finally_become_real_for_me/
"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels."

Or, at least, the feeling of an empty system.

Yesterday for my birthday I decided to gift myself a 24hr fast -- probably my first documented one, and certainly my first smooth one (I've been a nausea-prone wuss all my life). Coffee + electrolytes kept me energized all day to the point where come dinnertime... I didn't want to eat. It felt like I was barreling full-speed through my day and it was almost time to slam on the brakes. The thought of tasting, experiencing, craving, falling dependent on food was so jarring. I didn't want the crash, the hunger pangs, the feeling of digestion and the desire for more food.
I'm finally trying my hand at OMAD, and probably the most daunting part of this whole thing is trying to decide what "deserves" to break my fast at the end of the day. I've gone straight from snacking all fucking day to not being able to think of a single thing I crave enough to have it as my one solitary meal.
Sorry, I know this prob sounds so dramatic lol. I just never thought I'd be able to get through any sort of fast without passing out and/or dry heaving all day, let alone be more energized than when I do eat.

[Discussion] 6 laxatives
/u/med_z [5'2ft | cw:115lbs|gw:84lbs|nb lesbian]
Created: Tue Oct 9 10:59:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mqxdr/6_laxatives/
I couldn’t purge yesterday bc my friend slept over bc we were going on a college tour today so instead I took 6 laxatives at once and now (at the tour) we finally get to lunch so I was gonna on to the bathroom and as I’m waiting for us to get set up I shit my pants so I have to walk around for 5hrs in toilet paper filled underwear and luckily black shorts. I really need a therapist

[Help] can I bring Bronkaid on a plane?
Created: Tue Oct 9 10:59:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mqxc3/can_i_bring_bronkaid_on_a_plane/
So I'm probably being paranoid over nothing, but does anyone have any experience bringing Bronkaid in their carry on? I live in a rx-only state, but I'm flying to an over-the-counter state (not sure if that's relevant). Should I keep it in the box, or just carry the pills in a pill case? Will they confiscate it? I actually have asthma, so I was thinking I would have my inhaler too just in case anyone says anything. And yes, I realize I'm way overthinking this, but just wanted some reassurance.

When everything is out of my control...
/u/ED_throwfaraway [5' | 104lbs | 21.3 BMI | FtM]
Created: Tue Oct 9 10:33:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mqpf1/when_everything_is_out_of_my_control/
... the one thing I can control is my weight.

Dug myself out of ED will-this-toothpaste-make-me-fat? Hell, went from an emaciated Middle Schooler lost in the mental fog to a healthy weight over the course of a few years, and maintained since. Never set foot in a recovery clinic. I'm fucking glad I didn't. I didn't need to be showered with false platitudes of beauty or my head filled with more misinformation on the human body. That goes against everything about me. Instead, I unlearned all the misconceptions about metabolism I was taught in public school nutrition "lessons"; the beliefs that percolate through the general population. Arming myself with the knowledge that my weight is always under MY control I could battle the sickness in my head.

Trauma, gender dysphoria, hypersensitivity due to autism, and the lack of CONTROL over many aspects of my life. All of it ties into my ED in an ugly knot. Being at a healthy weight is uncomfortable.

There's the competitiveness. I saw a picture of my best friend the other day. It stirred up some deep-seeded issues. I look up to her too much. She's thinner than me. She has lost weight. I can't have that. I'm fucked because that's what I think.

If I'm thinner again, then I'll be good enough. 10, 15, ideally 20lbs.

It's the one thing I can do.

Need to stop talking about my eating habits
Created: Tue Oct 9 10:23:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mqm62/need_to_stop_talking_about_my_eating_habits/
I can FEEL my friends and boyfriend getting concerned when I casually talk about how i haven’t eaten much that day or about how I want to lose some weight before Halloween. But it’s so hard to stop. Food and weight loss are constantly on my mind and it’s almost impossible for me not to mention it. I don’t think they suspect ED yet though. My BMI is still very normal (5’ 112 lbs BMI 21.9) and I think most girls my age want to “lose like 3 lbs before Halloween” so I don’t think they’re that worried. Hopefully I can get my shit together and stop talking about my issues with food (and lose 5+ lbs this month I already lost 3)

Mile High Club
/u/carolineeo [5'7" | 115 | 18 | 22F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 10:19:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mqkwi/mile_high_club/
Is there an ED version of the mile high club for purging above 10,000 feet?? Because... Oops. Guess I'm a member now -.-

[Help] " Ana" buddy?
Created: Tue Oct 9 10:16:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mqjqw/ana_buddy/

[Discussion] Actually good treatment centers?
/u/hopeless_anon [5'5 | CW: 109 LW: 85 | 17F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 10:13:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mqj14/actually_good_treatment_centers/
I was genuinely wondering if there are any good treatment centers out there and please tell me which ones.

I’ve spent nearly 6 months in an abusive and horrible residential program so I am very very weary of any sort of treatment place. You can look through my old posts to hear all about that shithole.

Anyway I think my mom is going to send me back pretty soon given that I’ve lost over 10lbs in a month and got sent back to the hospital for heart trouble.

I was curious about center for hope in Reno, if anyone’s been there?

Note: I live in NorCal but idc if it’s far away


[Discussion] DAE have an all-or-nothing mindset re: junk?
/u/songfireleaf [5'8 | CW 159 | BMI 23.91 | GW 100| he/him]
Created: Tue Oct 9 10:05:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mqg6g/dae_have_an_allornothing_mindset_re_junk/
(this is long but there is a tldr + question at the bottom)

I find that whenever I end up eating something that's categorized as a "bad food" in my head, ESPECIALLY baked goods like pastries, I basically end up eating until I'm sick. I'm not completely sure if it's binging, as I'm still sort of in control, but suddenly there are 0 of the 12 cookies that were previously in front of me, or a whole pizza is gone, etc. This has been happening since I was a kid (although probably a smidge less violently back then) and it makes me feel awful. But part of my head is yelling "if you don't eat it aaaaaall now, you're going to feel disgusting for the next several days/weeks every single time you eat some of this thing as you work toward getting rid of it."

In the past, to keep myself from going overboard, I've found creative ways to dispose of the leftovers after I had whatever I initially deemed an okay amount to eat. But since I'm lower on money rn, I haven't been tossing as much unsafe food as I tend to otherwise, because it's still food and that means it was money (and I usually end up owning unsafe foods because someone else bought it for me or it was free, meaning this is a food I didn't have to pay for, and thus it is saving me money elsewhere if I eat it instead of something else).

The un-disordered bit of my brain argues that it is okay to eat unhealthy foods, as long as it's not in excess, but this is... definitely in excess, and afterward I feel mentally and physically awful for days. If I could figure out a way to not be excessive about these things I think I could maybe be a little more okay, but I never really learned healthy amounts of self control regarding food. *coughs at my eating disorder*

tldr; if I eat junk, it's all of it at once, and it makes me feel utterly terrible.

Does anyone else experience this? Is there anything you've done that helped the impulse?

my boobs are ruining my life
Created: Tue Oct 9 10:02:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mqf52/my_boobs_are_ruining_my_life/
I feel like I would hate the way I look sooo much less if I actually had boobs instead of these tiny fucking things. They’re actually pretty cute but the entire rest of my body is big and chunky so I look so disproportionate. So unless I get fake tits any time soon getting skinny is my only option

Created: Tue Oct 9 10:02:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mqf33/tired_of_this_shit/
I fucking hate being like this. Fucking hell. One day I feel like there's nothing wrong with me and I look perfect and great and I don't need to change a thing, and the next I feel like shit and I wake up crying and I need to change everything about me. Every time I feel better about my body and having lost 6 inches off my waist in two months, another body part is too FAT and sticks out. Nevermind that your shorts are practically dropping off your frame, right?


At first 1,200 calories a day was fine, then reduced it to 960 calories, and now anything over 750 gives me anxiety so I'll eat 550 just to be safe. The shittiest part is that I think I'm gaining on a huge deficit. What the fuck is this?


My boyfriend bought me a huge platter of sushi that was 1900 calories two days ago and sushi's my favourite fucking food in the whole wide world, I've been whining about wanting it for fucking weeks and I did not enjoy eating it one bit. But I still ate it knowing that I've to fast a week for it. :).


And the worst thing is I'm convinced I don't have an eating disorder because my bmi's not low enough. I thought I could start restricting again after a year without relapsing. I'm a fraud, and I'm fat. I don't obsessively exercise or step on the scale every fuckin day. I don't even own a scale. But normal people don't obsessively measure their waist, or their fat ass thighs, or their arms and neck everyday and cry over a gain. And normal people definitely don't think that 500 calories a day is too much.


Fuck. I just want to be so small that I disappear.

I saw an old photo of myself today and had something close to a breakdown wondering why I couldn't have stayed that thin forever.
Created: Tue Oct 9 09:55:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mqcwp/i_saw_an_old_photo_of_myself_today_and_had/
In the photo, I was ten years old. A child.

I feel sick.

[Rant/Rave] Weighing myself....
Created: Tue Oct 9 09:51:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mqbp7/weighing_myself/
I havent weighed myself in 1 year.... And ever since school started its like I need to know what I weigh but at the same time I don't... Ugh

What does it even mean if I've been below a BMI of 17.5 but I'm not always?
Created: Tue Oct 9 09:39:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mq86o/what_does_it_even_mean_if_ive_been_below_a_bmi_of/
And my eating disorder is fake and I'm just healthy dieting, and maintaining as low as possible of a bmi without being underweight even though I look skeletal at a bmi of 18.5 and I feel faint all the time?

Pls help me understand, I feel like the fat person people in fat logic always mock for saying they have an ED.

Like my bmi has swung from 16.5 to 22 but it's usually about 19.5-20. But I've met diagnostic criteria many times before, in stressful life moments, on purpose. So I'm capable of being underweight I promise

[Help] What to buy from amazon
Created: Tue Oct 9 09:39:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mq867/what_to_buy_from_amazon/
I have a voucher to spend on amazon does anyone have any recommendations what I could spend that money on that’s Ed related so far only got shirataki noodles and I’m thinking about electrolyte supplements. Anyone have any other good ideas? Cheers

[Help] boss keeps making comments
Created: Tue Oct 9 09:21:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mq2e4/boss_keeps_making_comments/
so i’ve been at my job for about five months now and in that time i’ve lost around 10 pounds. my manager keeps making comments about it. first he asked if i ate healthy to lose weight and that i didn’t need to. then he told me i’ve lost too much weight. yesterday i was eating a baked potato and he asked if i’m on a diet. i’ve never mentioned my weight around him or asked for his opinion and idk how to get him to stop without raising concern.

[Other] DAE drink Diet Coke in the morning? ....and also coffee lol
Created: Tue Oct 9 08:57:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mpuoz/dae_drink_diet_coke_in_the_morning_and_also/

I got kicked out of uni
/u/Bookeisha [182 cm | 57.3 kg | BMI 17.3 | M ]
Created: Tue Oct 9 08:51:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mpt0h/i_got_kicked_out_of_uni/
I would say my mental health eventually got the best of me but I don't know what to believe/blame anymore. Maybe I really am a failure. I was mostly there out of necessity rather than passion but it still hurts.

4 years down the drain. Goodbye financial independence and goodbye being finally able to come out. All for **nothing** because I was too stupid to pass just like everyone else.

Please tell me this is not the end

What do you consider too thin?
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 |CW 118 | GW 115 | GW 105-110 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 08:48:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mps56/what_do_you_consider_too_thin/
Or is there even a too thin? I'm curious about what you guys think. What bmi would be too thin?

Stupid things SOs say
Created: Tue Oct 9 08:40:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mppnd/stupid_things_sos_say/
Hello friends!

I just wanted to vent about something that made me upset this past weekend.

To set the scene I am down about 50 lbs since deciding to make a change last year. I am very short, so I haven’t been comfortable sharing a full body picture until this past week on social media. I only post maybe 3 or 4 times a year so I got a lot of responses and kind words.

My SOs best friend and his sister apparently texted him to compliment me (why they didn’t text me directly I’ll never know) and he told them it was a combination of diet, exercise, and the FUCKING NERVE DISORDER I’VE RECENTLY GOTTEN that makes unable to eat sometimes. While this is true, it accounts for MAYBE 5-7 of those pounds I’ve lost. Also, I’ve kept it off and have even lost more taking medication for it that supposedly makes people gain weight. (Though I don’t buy that, calories don’t come from no where)

When I voiced my disapproval he says he was jealous because he looks ‘fat’ in the picture (that’s a laugh, he hasn’t been fat a day in his life) but that he won’t say it anymore if I can keep it off 😡. Oh I’ll keep it off and I’ll lose another 20 more just for spite. Thanks for the anger motivation, babe.

The thing is, is that he’s otherwise an amazing man and I love him so much that I could cry thinking of what he’s done for me. But this fucking blinded me with rage. I know part of it is that they noticed at all, which in my head is like them remembering that I used to be a massive sow. Ugh.

So tell me friends, what have your otherwise wonderful SOs said that’s set you off and what did you do. Thanks for listening, I feel better already.

[Other] 40 hours into current fast
Created: Tue Oct 9 08:37:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mponc/40_hours_into_current_fast/
And I'm down 3lbs. I'm choosing to confront my past sexual abuse and approach it from an intellectual viewpoint. I feel in control of my life. I feel strong. I will be calling the court house today to see if there's any chance documents are still available 30 years on.

[Rant/Rave] Whom else is feeling fat on this fine day
/u/ZygomaticArdvark [5'2" | CW:99.5 | BMI 18.2 | 16F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 08:28:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mpm2y/whom_else_is_feeling_fat_on_this_fine_day/
I've been binging all weekend because my therapist is forcing me to gain weight before my appointment this afternoon, and holy shit I feel huge. I know a lot of it is probably water weight and I'm probably only up one or two actual pounds but Jesus I'm fat

[Other] When you need a little help filling out...😂
/u/BeginningBarnacle [5'4"|CW120|HW136|F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 08:23:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mpkn9/when_you_need_a_little_help_filling_out/
[thought this was cute!](https://www.reddit.com/r/gifs/comments/9mn2w6/thanks_for_your_collaboration/?st=JN1TDUFN&sh=18f9bf92)

[Other] Considering a binge ://
Created: Tue Oct 9 08:15:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mpi8q/considering_a_binge/
I'm really really hungry and trying not to give in to it because I know I don't deserve it, but I just realized how I could easily walk to the store and buy myself some chips and a soda and it's sounding so tempting.

I'm trying to keep my mind off if but it really sounds so good right now :///

[Help] Helpful apps- whats new?
Created: Tue Oct 9 08:01:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mpe1t/helpful_apps_whats_new/
First and foremost, what in the heck is that one website that you put in how many calories you eat a day and it gives you a forecasting of if you keep it up?

Secondly, is there a better calorie counting app then MFP ? Other just fun apps to have?

Please help me be on my best Bullshoot.

I'm finally going to as asian food store/market! What are your favourite low cal things to get there?
/u/taikutsuu [5'9'' | cw: 119, -33 | 17.2 bmi | gw: 105 | 18f]
Created: Tue Oct 9 07:58:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mpd7u/im_finally_going_to_as_asian_food_storemarket/
I'm going in like an hour and have no idea what I'll find there or whether I'll be able to tell its calories, so if you have any suggestions, comment away!! I need to get back on track 😈😈

[Rant/Rave] Oh fuck I might be pregnant
/u/InTheGecko [172cm (5'6) | 61.5kg (135lbs) | BMI: 20.6 | -12.5kg | F | 23yo]
Created: Tue Oct 9 07:56:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mpcp6/oh_fuck_i_might_be_pregnant/
I'm SO bloated. Like, more bloated than ever before in my life. It looks different to normal too, like rounder I guess? I've eaten 300 calories today and 400 the day before, this makes no sense. Before that I was binging mostly so I didn't notice but hey I've been having a lot of unprotected sex lately so there's definitely a chance.

If I am I'm going to kill him, it, and then myself.

You know what's total utter bullshit?
/u/xerox13ster [5'7" | 237.9 | Goal: 225 | BMI 35.6 | -85lbs | 25 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 07:20:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mp2vr/you_know_whats_total_utter_bullshit/
I went bra shopping yesterday, because the last time I bought a bra I was floating around 320lbs. It broke back in March before I went on my current spiral, and I've basically been wearing nothing but sports bras since.

I'm honestly so fucking triggered and frustrated right now. I've lost 85 fucking pounds since I bought my last bra. I thought for sure, FOR SURE, I was gonna have to buy a smaller bra. I tried on a few and tried not to get triggered in the store when I was still shopping in the 40s (which alone is frustrating as hell because NO OOOONEE makes 40+ C cup bras. So I kept my cool. I tried on some with smaller bands but larger cups, (38D instead of 40C--no dice; 40D instead of 42C--no dice). I ended up getting lucky and finding a few styles with a 42 and tried them on, and I thought they fit decently, so I bought them and I was happy and body positive last night (even though I was low-key frustrated that I only lost one band size).

Well FUCK THAT TODAY. IT doesn't fit. at all. it's so damn uncomfortable. I put it on this morning and looked in the mirror and I have these huge globs of fat hanging over the band, and it's curling up on me today. I keep having to readjust it and I swear to god I'm gonna lose it.

I lost 85lbs, I lost 85lbs for nothing, no difference. I'm gonna have to go back up a band size, (not like I'll ever fucking find a 44B). so why? why me?

I went shopping for pants a few weeks ago, too, because I've been falling out of my 20s, but not a single 16 or 18 I tried on would fit. They were all too tight and cut into me. Like excuse me what the fuck? What have I been losing this weight for? why is my body making sure I'm permanently a whale?

My friend and I track calories in a spreadsheet and I went ahead and logged 0s for the next couple of days because fuck this--no matter how hungry or dizzy I get, I'm not changing those numbers, if I die of a heart attack or pass out and crack my skull idgaf, this is bullshit. BULLSHIT.


Been watching Matt Stonie for the last hour.
Created: Tue Oct 9 07:19:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mp2qt/been_watching_matt_stonie_for_the_last_hour/
He is a competitive eater on YouTube and I don’t know why watching his videos are so satisfying. I find them more satisfying then those 10,000 calories per day challenges.

Had anything purchased the EatGlitter book? Is it worth purchasing?
/u/TinyJarOfRocks [5’1 | CW 107 GW 95]
Created: Tue Oct 9 07:15:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mp1pv/had_anything_purchased_the_eatglitter_book_is_it/
Seems like she might actually have some healthy/low cal recipes

[Discussion] Adderall... let’s talk about it.
Created: Tue Oct 9 07:12:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mp0t1/adderall_lets_talk_about_it/
I’m seeing a psych this week for ADHD testing. Do I believe I have it? Yes. Am I aware of the fact that Adderall suppresses your appetite? Obviously.
So I want to hear your experiences... did you get it legally/illegally, what was the process of getting a script for it like, side effects, how much weight did you lose, how much did it change your day-to-day, advice?

[Help] Anyone willing to be anonymously interviewed?
Created: Tue Oct 9 07:06:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mozbd/anyone_willing_to_be_anonymously_interviewed/
Hi guys,

I was pretty active here till recently and it’s really fascinating how people are so open and feel able to talk about their struggles. I’m a senior design student, and I’m doing my senior thesis on how the digital world and physical world are kind of merging, and how that affects our concept of beauty/way we visually present ourselves. I feel like this is something you guys would understand intuitively better than almost anyone, and I’d be so honored to talk to a couple of you about your experiences online vs real life, and why this is a safe space for you.

[Rant/Rave] UGHH
/u/minicemilo [167cm| CW:51kg| BMI:18.3 | GW:47kg| Gender:F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 07:05:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9moz1n/ughh/
I feel stupid, ugly and fat. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I wish i didnt have to worry about my body image so much.

[Rant/Rave] I'm eating like a normal person!!
/u/SpaceWhale88 [5'3 | CW 20lbs overweight | HW 197 | LW 122 | 30F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 07:02:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9moy8m/im_eating_like_a_normal_person/
I'm currently in Paris with my best friend. We just got here and she is napping. So far I ate my meals on the airplane and some snacks. I put hot chocolate in my coffee bc there's no cream. I dont feel guilty about it! When I'm with her I think about how she would want me to eat and not starve myself. She would want me to accept myself at any weight. I'm bulimic and struggle with restriction as well (that's how I got from obese to just overweight-- and I got overweight from binging when really depressed). I've been thinner before but this week I'm going to eat 3 meals, not beat myself up about it, and since binging and purging is something that I normally do alone I dont think I'll be triggered this week to do it. I dont thinkk I'd be enjoying myself more right now if I was thinner. I'm wearing comfy active wear and feel like I look cute.

I know I might not feel this way all the time but I'm enjoying the freedom from ED thoughts for now.

I'm literally the ugliest fat cow I know
Created: Tue Oct 9 06:41:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mospt/im_literally_the_ugliest_fat_cow_i_know/
You can't change my mind.

Tried to quit restricting so I would quit binging.... wanted healthy relationship with food and now overeat bad food every day
Created: Tue Oct 9 06:25:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9moony/tried_to_quit_restricting_so_i_would_quit_binging/

[Sticky] Thinspo Tuesday October 09, 2018
Created: Tue Oct 9 06:09:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mokwx/thinspo_tuesday_october_09_2018/
Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to post pictures of anything that inspires or you find to be something "motivating".

**Please note that we are not using this post to glorify or glamorize eating disorders. Anything that is not clearly from a professional photo shoot or is "bonespo" (extremely thin to the point of being skeletal) will be removed.** Selfies, bodychecks, or OOTD posts will also be removed as they belong in the Friday sticky thread.


Thinspo threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Looking for self-care and beauty tips? Comment below, or [PM the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED) and feel free to take your self-care/beauty needs to the "Stupid Questions Saturday" weekly thread!

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! October 09, 2018
Created: Tue Oct 9 06:09:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mokt0/daily_food_diary_october_09_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for October 09, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Rant/Rave] My bowels and wallet are going to hate me
/u/queenofbo0ks [5'6 | 145-ish | 23 | -3.5 | Female]
Created: Tue Oct 9 06:03:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mojfi/my_bowels_and_wallet_are_going_to_hate_me/
I just tried monster white for the first time because I ate a high calorie breakfast and snack and don't want to lunch. This shit is fucking amazing! I have never drank an energy drink before in my life because I always hated the smell, but this tastes like a certain juice I used to drink when I was younger!!


I have ibs and caffeïne will ruin my bowels, but as long as I'm not feeling hungry, I'm okay with that.



/u/LynCross [152.5cm | BMI: 24.4 | CW: 125lbs | GW: 110 lbs| UGW: 100 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 05:39:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9modxe/i_want_to_look_good_in_a_bikini/
I'm on my fucking plateau only 7 kgs till my goal weight. Suddenly, I had this urge to buy a bikini even though I never wore one before. I looked at myself in the mirror and my thighs are unbelievably fucking huge that I don't know how that even fucking happened. Stupid fucking plateau and stupid fucking body. I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to cut all the fat off.


[Rant/Rave] Stupid pizza
/u/meineschatzi [166cm | CW: 75kg | BMI: 28 | GW: 52kg | 26F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 05:20:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9moa0q/stupid_pizza/
I’m in recovery at the moment attending a day program, but I’ve been restricting wherever possible the past couple of weeks and struggling to fight the ED.

I hadn’t eaten anything all day, and after seeing my psychologist, I thought I could handle some pizza and pasta tonight since it’s all I’d be eating.

Well I couldn’t. I went and purged, but didn’t feel like I got enough up, so I went to the gym as well. Now I feel super sick and there’s no way I burned enough calories to compensate.

I know what the scales will say tomorrow. And then I’ll have to have breakfast, morning tea and lunch at day program, plus seeing my dietitian in the afternoon where I’ll have to be honest about the last couple of weeks.

This fucking disorder is ruining all my relationships and just fucking up my life in general, so why aren’t I committing properly to recovery? I can’t fucking do this anymore. I just want to be skinny again.

[Help] Anyone need an ED bud?
Created: Tue Oct 9 03:24:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mnnvh/anyone_need_an_ed_bud/
I noticed this is a stickied thread on r/thinspo but the thread is quite old. I'm wondering if anyone wants or needs someone to help essentially keep them from binging, feeling lost when they don't reach a goal, etc. I have no one who understands irl that wouldn't think I'm a freak.

Created: Tue Oct 9 02:37:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mnfpp/confession/
My friends think i’m a druggie but i don’t really like drugs. but sometimes it’s hard for me to control my calories. i keep it under 800 for a few days straight then i fuck up so i immediately do a line of coke or smoke a cig or weed or all of them or pop a vyvanse the next day bc i’ve noticed it helps my weight down and also makes me look skinnier and less bloated. i feel like this is more unhealthy than just having the ED and idrk what to do but at the same time i really don’t feel weird about it or care. i just had nobody i could tell this and i wanted to get it off my chest. the sad thing is, i hate doing drugs unless i’m drunk on the weekend. i literally hate taking vyvanse so much that i use the thought of having to take it as a way to keep my hunger from getting the best of me. internal monologues like “don’t eat or you’ll have to take vyvanse and feel like a meth head all day tomorrow”

[Help] Liking someone just because they called me a "tiny toothpick"
Created: Tue Oct 9 02:04:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mnafl/liking_someone_just_because_they_called_me_a_tiny/
Idk what to think. I like this guy, he's nice and quite sweet. I have a boyfriend, though, and never thought about him as anything but a friend.

Until now.

I helped him with his homework and he said "if you do it, I'll carry you everywhere this week" and I was like "you wouldn't be able to". So he said that he can carry his obese father and since I'm a "tiny toothpick", he could definitely pick me up.

And just that phrase... and him being so adamant about calling me thin and carrying me... it made me happy. And now I'm starting to like him as more than a friend (maybe cause my bf isn't very understanding of my disordered eating and just says I retain a lot of fat).

It's weird that I have started loving people who call me skinny. Does this happen to any of you too? Also... girl advice: should I try to get closer to him or stray farther?

[Discussion] DAE spend hours planning an upcoming binge?
/u/lostandlonley333 [5"2 | CW:108 | 19.9 | -30.6| F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 01:53:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mn8ir/dae_spend_hours_planning_an_upcoming_binge/
Currently on the woolworths website going through the snack section picking out all the foods I want for my next binge. I can spend hours on supermarket websites making lists of foods in my notes with the calories of each.

[Other] Post your weight curve!
/u/Ednosonline [175 cm/5'9" | 65 kg/143,3 lbs | BMI 21,2 | -2 kg | Female]
Created: Tue Oct 9 01:52:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mn8bg/post_your_weight_curve/

[Help] I'm in need of an accountabilibuddy...
Created: Tue Oct 9 01:40:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mn6fm/im_in_need_of_an_accountabilibuddy/
Hi so I ate an obscene amount of unhealthy food today, including but not limited to: omelette, biscuit, donuts, pie, et cetera. I feel so awful. I also feel horrible because I try to be mostly vegan and today was very un-vegan and I watched a video about dairy cows to make myself feel guiltier. I want to be vegan now. I want to stop this cycle of restricting and binging. I want to be healthy and feel good about myself. (Still want to lose weight though.) I just want to stop feeling disgusting and guilty. I'm never the type of person to ask for help online or anything but I feel so bad about myself. So yeah, would anyone like to talk or be accountability partners? 🌱

Hi, I guess?
Created: Tue Oct 9 01:24:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mn3mj/hi_i_guess/
I have been lurking here for a bit and I just adore you all! The support I can see and feel just from lurking is so great. Thank you for being you, all of you!

[Discussion] AHHHH MY TEETH
Created: Tue Oct 9 01:23:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mn3dr/ahhhh_my_teeth/
So, I bit into a table (soft wood) as a joke and little pieces of my tooth came off. Is this my bullemia or a result of my being a dumbass. I bit into things all the time when I was younger, and have never chipped a tooth before. However I also haven't purged in a few weeks, and am relatively new to this. So... dumbass or early effects of bullemia??

[Help] How to Exercise on a Budget?
Created: Tue Oct 9 00:45:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mmw69/how_to_exercise_on_a_budget/
I would love to be able to afford a gym membership, but I just can’t at the moment :/

What are some exercises I can do on a daily basis that you recommend for weight loss? Or what has worked for you?

Created: Tue Oct 9 00:11:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mmpls/enough_is_enough/
Time to get my ass into gear. I got complacent and let myself gain a few kilos because I was stressed with uni and it was my birthday and I convinced myself that it was 'okay'. It's not okay and I look like a fat slob. Safe and staple foods are gonna be apples, bananas, tuna, cauliflower rice, tea and Diet Coke from now on!
What do you guys eat that's safe, low in calories and easy to buy/make??? I'm going strict

questions about fasting?
Created: Tue Oct 9 00:04:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mmo5c/questions_about_fasting/
whats the longest amount of time youve fasted? what was it like? howd you resist the urge to eat? did you get used to it?? whatd you do to help yourself??

im going to fast starting tomorrow but i dont know how long i should... any recommended days :)?

[Help] Resisting the urge to binge at work..
Created: Mon Oct 8 23:49:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mml72/resisting_the_urge_to_binge_at_work/
Hi all, first time poster. I find i can restrict fairly easily however I work a fast paced manual labor job (I do receiving for Walmart so carrying heavy shit and moving around 24/7). I am usually starving before my first break and my daily monster normally makes it 10x worse.
What can I do to at least curb my desire for shitty, greasy deli food??
I read about Bronkaid, would that help? Any tips and tricks? I haven't stepped on the scale but I've been extra bloaty lately and I am slowly but surely undoing all of my hard work..

I am the dumbest bitch on earth!
Created: Mon Oct 8 23:47:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mmkwm/i_am_the_dumbest_bitch_on_earth/
I just called my old therapist to make an appointment about non-ED related issues, and the receptionist had to ask a bunch of questions about why I was calling. and stupid dumbass me told her it was for my eating problems, because I thought explaining other things would be too complicated... That was a big dumb mistake and I only just realised when I hung up. now everyone’s gonna know what’s up, if I deny it while losing more weight it’ll be even more obvious. congrats @ me for idiocy once again :))))

[Discussion] Has anyone ever quit smoking/vaping without gaining weight?
/u/cobra_movement [5'6" | 157 | 25.3 | -7 | F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 23:29:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mmh85/has_anyone_ever_quit_smokingvaping_without/
I want to taper off nicotine all together once again but I am terrified of gaining weight. Last time I put on like 19 pounds (for those of you that haven't read my previous posts). Has anyone ever quit without gaining anything significant or didn't gain anything at all? Are there any tricks to this?

[Help] OTC appetite suppressant pills?
Created: Mon Oct 8 23:21:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mmflv/otc_appetite_suppressant_pills/
Does anyone have any suggestions for pills that I can get that work at preventing hunger? Maybe what i’m thinking of doesn’t quite exist but damn I hope so...

So sexy
/u/celeryfordinner [5’5” | 112| 18.7| -15lbs | f]
Created: Mon Oct 8 22:45:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mm88w/so_sexy/

[Help] Feeling okay/good, but doctor requires me to get admited to stay in the hospital tomorrow
Created: Mon Oct 8 21:56:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mlx9h/feeling_okaygood_but_doctor_requires_me_to_get/
not sure what to do... i dont wanna gain weight..

[Help] Ok so I think I made a big mistake taking lax tea. Please help me not freak out
/u/SkinnyFatActually [5’2”| 102 lb|-8| F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 21:50:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mlvyo/ok_so_i_think_i_made_a_big_mistake_taking_lax_tea/
Sorry in advance for typos and this being generally all over the place.

Ok, so I’ve taken Smooth Move lax tea before and it didn’t seem like a big deal. It was a while ago, and part of that stupid lemon/syrup/Cayanne pepper diet.

I felt a little backed up and just gross so i took some benefiber to try to help move things along. Then I saw the tea in my cupboard and thought oh this will help. Yeah I’m not the sharpest of tools... I’m not hoping the combination won’t kill me 🙃 So I drank it THEN I looked up to see how long it would take to work and everybody was freaking out about how strong it is and that sometimes it takes a long time to work (longer than the 8-12 hours it suggests or whatever the time is I forgot already) and made some people poop their pants.

I have a homeschool appt for my kiddo at 11 and then a dentist appointment for myself tomorrow at 1:45. I took the benefiber at about 4 and the tea at about 8 pm. From personal experience how fucked am I? I’m hoping since I’m not actually constipated that it won’t take too long to kick in (although I’m sure it will be quite painful). I ate about 1100 cals today if that makes any difference. Ahhhh i hate myself.

[Rant/Rave] Relapse :/
Created: Mon Oct 8 21:38:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mlt6n/relapse/
Throughout middle school and high school I was restricting my meals, purging, checking the scale everyday and just completely obsessing over my weigh; towards the end of hs I started to recover and was pretty okay for a long time.

I'm now a junior in college and I just cant stop being aware of how my body keeps changing. I'm worried about my silhouette and I'm always hyper aware of how my pants keep getting tighter, how I have to loosen my belt a notch. I hate looking at pictures of myself because I feel like a monolith honestly. I check the mirror everyday to make sure my double chin isn't getting worse.

Tonight my grandparents came and visited me and took me out to eat. I guess it was the final straw because when they sent me the pictures we took together I just went to the most secluded bathroom I could find in my dorm and purged. Mentally and physically I just feel worn down right now. My brain wont shut up about how I need to do it every night and start skipping meals again.

Sorry for this long ass post I just feel awful and I have no one to vent too.

[Discussion] Insomnia
Created: Mon Oct 8 21:35:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mlse9/insomnia/
It took me seven hours to fall asleep last night. I figured tonight I'd take a benadryl and melatonin, but that didn't work. I just feel kind of like I'm tipsy. So I ate the meal I was going to earlier but never did in hopes that eating would knock me out but..here I am. My legs ache and I can't get comfortable especially now that I'm full. My brain won't stop thinking about pizza and cake and I'm so tired of this. I just want to sleep.

Anyone else struggle with this? And if you do, have you found any good solutions?

[Rant/Rave] Cutest reason to fast ever!
Created: Mon Oct 8 21:23:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mlpfs/cutest_reason_to_fast_ever/
I found a kitten on the side of the road the other day and have been taking care of her. She was starving when I found her and goes absolutely crazy for food. (I am feeding her the amount recommended by the vet)

So whenever I set foot in the kitchen she appears and starts crying for food. When I’m eating she will climb up me like a tree to get to my food. This has made me evaluate everything I eat to see if it’s “worth” fighting her. I’ve eaten almost nothing this weekend.

[Rant/Rave] PSA: dont comment on what i eat
/u/itsyaboifranzi [5'0" | whale | -20 | F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 21:11:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mlmf1/psa_dont_comment_on_what_i_eat/
dont fucking do it. does it affect you? no, it does not. yes i am eating for once, i feel like shit already dont fucking bring it up. do you really care about what i am eating? you don't. dont remind me of what bad chemicals are in what i'm eating, i already know and guess what? i dont care about it. i'm not doing this to be healthy, im doing this to be thin.

[Rant/Rave] RIP
/u/HotMessCentral [5'2.5" | 97 | 17.5 | -4.5 | F(Recovery)]
Created: Mon Oct 8 21:09:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mllsu/rip/
So I wanted to stay up to study for a test so I thought it was a good idea to mix over tablespoon of espresso powder with a chug of water and down it and I feel sick and have this awful taste in my mouth. For reference, I think 1 teaspoon is an espresso, which is like 2-3 times more potent than coffee. DDD: I'm so going to regret this.

[Discussion] A bad start doesn’t have to mean a bad week
/u/halfcigarette [5'4"| CW: 👻 | BMI:20ish | 23F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 21:07:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mll9q/a_bad_start_doesnt_have_to_mean_a_bad_week/
We can do this

My dad is coming to stay
Created: Mon Oct 8 21:04:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mlkos/my_dad_is_coming_to_stay/
I don't know if this is the right place to post this, but everyone here is so supportive and I really need to vent.

My dad is coming to stay with me and I don't know how to cope. He has stage four cancer and I get on with him quite well, but I'm working through some stuff from when I was younger which is making it really difficult for me. I think I'm only coming to terms with it now, but there were times when he sexually assaulted me. Things like grab my ass and squeeze my breasts, stare at my body, pretend that we were dating to his friends. He used to encourage me to sleep in his bed with him . It was just a lot of weird and gross stuff.

I want to be able to have a nice time with him while he is here because I imagine he will die soon, but it all makes me feel so sick and disgusting. I feel so conflicted I don't know what to do.

So naturally I'm heavy restricting, which I used to do when I lived with him. Which is also making me hate myself. I wish I could just disappear and not have to deal with my shitty life

In a bit of a rut
Created: Mon Oct 8 20:48:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mlgjf/in_a_bit_of_a_rut/
Ate 1400 - 2000+ calories a day for the past like two weeks and it's finally started to show on the scale. Went from 112 to 118 over the past two weeks. I had been weighing in between 110 and 112 for the 2 weeks before this and am really upset. Ate 900 calories today but it was still too many caloriesut and I wanted to eat more tbh. Idk what to do with myself I'm mad at myself for doing this and it feels like I can't fix it fast enough.

[Discussion] Another peach post because I can’t find the others?
Created: Mon Oct 8 20:39:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mle90/another_peach_post_because_i_cant_find_the_others/
I forgot my password on my old peach account so I had to make a new one earlier. Comment usernames?

[Discussion] Favorite body-shaping exercises?
/u/linedryonly [5'5| C127 | G110 | L102 | -10]
Created: Mon Oct 8 20:37:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mldp3/favorite_bodyshaping_exercises/
What are everyone's favorite body shaping/toning exercises?

I'm trying to ward off cellulite while whittling my waist and toning my legs. I don't have access to a gym right now so I'm mostly limited to body weight exercise. I'd love to hear what everyone else is doing. Have a favorite? Fire away!

[Help] My husband made dinner; pumpkin parmesan ravioli AND eggplant parmesan. I managed all the pasta and half the eggplant. Am I going to die?
/u/robotsintrees [5'6 | 86lbs| 14 | Male]
Created: Mon Oct 8 20:31:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mlc4u/my_husband_made_dinner_pumpkin_parmesan_ravioli/

little eating disorder signs
/u/peacecorpsquestion3 [5’6 | 118]
Created: Mon Oct 8 20:25:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mlan3/little_eating_disorder_signs/
lol you guys there’s this girl I just met, she’s like BMI 18ish so not dangerously underweight but I’m like 99% sure she has an eating disorder just based on the fact that she follows Steqhs, Eatglitter, Kimiperi and Markina. do you guys notice little things in others that just make you wonder?

I ate at maintenance
/u/merewautt [5'3" | 93 | BMI17 | F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 20:23:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mladj/i_ate_at_maintenance/
Had one of the worst days I've had in a long time, just absolutely exhausting emotionally and I made the decision to eat at fucking maintenance if it kills me. Usually I'd fast and eat absolutely nothing because I'm so upset or binge and then get sick, but I ate at maintenance and now I'm going to bed.


And as shitty as today was I feel like at least on one front I made real progress. Feels nice not to immediately spiral into self destruct mode.

[Rant/Rave] need reassurance/rant
Created: Mon Oct 8 20:22:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ml9w3/need_reassurancerant/
my doc has known me at my lowest weight (bmi 14) and now at my highest weight (bmi 21ish)

im so scared that she thinks im all better/ i didnt get this way healthily i got it through a vicious year long binge cycle. im going to be weighed tomorrow (i just had a 4 day binge streak, including today) and my weight is defo bmi 21.0 on the dot.

my moms going to be there

my doctor

possibly my dad (who makes fat jokes and anorexic jokes at the same time)

i just cant handle being weighed and its mandatory

i want to cry

i hate myself

why do i binge anymore im just sad because of my BED but dont do anything about it

its okay ill start super low restricting

next doctors visit i'll be 8lbs less

its ok its ok its ok its ok

\[will defo delete later\]


Liquid diet?
Created: Mon Oct 8 20:21:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ml9pz/liquid_diet/
So I’ve been considering trying a liquid diet for a while. I do want to try and at least somewhat take care of myself (since I never do with solid food) and get some proper nutrients in.
Has anyone done one? Or have any advice? I’m gonna do it no matter what simply because I need something to try and stop the binging

[Discussion] trying to be normal
/u/problemproblem420 [5'6'' | 115 | 18.6 | 20F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 19:54:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ml2js/trying_to_be_normal/
today i started full-on hallucinating in class and had a meltdown in the bathroom. i think it is due to stress and hppd considering I had only been fasting since saturday. however, it has forced me to come to terms with where i am at mentally. my roommate is an angel and also has an ED, and they are going to keep me on track (at a level i am comfortable with). it's sad that i let myself get to this point, but i feel so insanely grateful to have someone who will look out for me. to all of you struggling -- please please please take your mental health seriously. losing your mind is not fun. take a day (or two) to assess where you're at and maybe reach out to a loved one/friend you can trust. take care of yourself <3

Does anybody want to start like a kik group for accountability?
/u/kenziixoxo [5'5" | CW: 130 | GW: 110 💕]
Created: Mon Oct 8 19:52:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ml25u/does_anybody_want_to_start_like_a_kik_group_for/

[Help] My friend has recently been copying everything I eat because I’m so “healthy”
/u/ihate-chicken [5’7” | CW:116 | 18.1 |]
Created: Mon Oct 8 19:40:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mkyom/my_friend_has_recently_been_copying_everything_i/
We live together and do a lot of things together... she buys the same food as me, orders same meals, eats the same stuff in the dining hall.

It’s super triggering because I’m very competitive about my ED and need to be the one eating the least and I don’t like that she thinks this is a healthy diet. It also makes me think I’m eating enough for others to think it’s healthy. Ugh

[Rant/Rave] When it gets further into autumn and the sun starts setting earlier, which means ur night binges start earlier :(
Created: Mon Oct 8 19:32:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mkwqe/when_it_gets_further_into_autumn_and_the_sun/
:( :( :(

12 day vacation, gained 8lbs and am literally going to fast forever
/u/leftshoelauren [5'3"F | SW 185 | CW 152 | GW 110 | 🍑 tinyren]
Created: Mon Oct 8 19:30:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mkw25/12_day_vacation_gained_8lbs_and_am_literally/
I lost so much weight before this vacation. It was to NYC and I was going to be with all of my friends- I went into it feeling pretty good.

One of them saw me for the first time irl in a few months and said she didn’t even recognize me.

Then I are like a fucking pig every single day until I left. I would take myself out to brunch and then go to a bakery 1 hour later and eat whatever I pleased.

I’m back now, gained 8lbs and am LITERALLY wanting to die lmao. My whole fucking “real life” is falling apart. I’m fatter, I ignored a week of school work, I called out of my internship today. I’m really paying for these 12 days of bliss now and I hate it SO much.

Any kind words or hopeful bits of wisdom are much appreciated. I hate what I look like right now and I feel the fat all over my body.

[Help] how do you keep your head clear?
Created: Mon Oct 8 19:29:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mkvv4/how_do_you_keep_your_head_clear/
i’ve been trying for forever to get back into a good swing of being more careful with food, but every time i start to get a real empty feeling going i just end up feeling dizzy and forgetful :( especially at work, i need to be on top of my game but i just end up binging before work/on my lunch break and ruining all my progress. anyone else have this problem?? does anyone have tips for keeping your head clear without constantly eating giant meals?

Created: Mon Oct 8 19:15:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mks71/well/
i’m heartbroken. lies in bed all day and just starved listened to music.
managed to get up and now i’m on my second gin and tonic. let the self destructive games begin!

Anyone else dread the holidays?
Created: Mon Oct 8 19:03:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mkoy9/anyone_else_dread_the_holidays/
My plan is to fast during the days prior to family events but holy shit am I terrified....
All the food im going to be expected to eat. Yikeee

[Help] How to hide behaviors??
Created: Mon Oct 8 19:01:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mkoek/how_to_hide_behaviors/
I’ve been living with my fella for a few years and I’m really sick of the weight I’ve gained. Plus there’s the whole stress, control, whatever that goes with ED. Point is, I want to jump back on this bandwagon. I feel better on days I workout more and eat less. But my bf keeps messing things up. He’ll buy trigger foods (ugh!) or get on me for measuring things. Thankfully we only eat dinner together but he notices if I am at the gym and gets all weird if he thinks I was there for too long.

So how can I still have my ED but hide it from him? Or what excuse can I give him for like, fasting, or exercising more, or restricting?

[Rant/Rave] About to not do a 5 mile run or burn 800 cals...
Created: Mon Oct 8 18:59:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mkny1/about_to_not_do_a_5_mile_run_or_burn_800_cals/
I feel like shit. I feel like I’ll wake up fat as fuck.

My bf wants to eat pizza and stay inside. I really enjoy doing that but also it’s Monday. Feels like I’m staring the week bad and fat. I run 5 miles and have been consistently burning 800-1000 cals every weekday for the last month. It feels like this is gonna ruin that and that I’m gonna lose progress. Fuck me... I’m staying over and he has roommates, so doing a late night run is not possible. I’m gonna try to avoid eating the pizza but i probably will give in :( fuck...

[Rant/Rave] New Pants: the binge trigger that keeps giving!
Created: Mon Oct 8 18:56:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mkn2v/new_pants_the_binge_trigger_that_keeps_giving/
My old jean pants were way too big (which, for some reason, caused immense dysmorphia because *nothing has changed in the mirror what is wrong with my brain and my mind/why are my pants lying to me*). After a couple months of suffering with leggings, I decided to go buy a size down, and of course I binged after pants shopping because I'm an emotional fuckwad. But then today*,* two days later when I finally feel comfortable *wearing the damn things*, I forgot to take off the size sticker and some sweet lady in the grocery store let me know. I am mortified :) brb throwing my jeans into the depths of hell where I will join them at a later date

[Rant/Rave] Reality Check: You are not in control here
Created: Mon Oct 8 18:38:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mkiii/reality_check_you_are_not_in_control_here/
It just hit me the other day again. I want to slow my weight loss so my parents don't pull me out of my last year of University. I set "pause" points for myself where I tell myself I can maintain at until I graduate in June.

This is dillusional. I am not in control. Every pause point so far has been passed by. I do not get to dictate my disorder. I can not turn it on and off at will. None of us can.

I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'm going to either have to accept the consequences or really commit to getting better. The cost of these disorders is immeasurable, if you can still get out, do. I've lost my college years to this and it fucking sucks.

When does binge weight gain show?
Created: Mon Oct 8 18:36:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mkhpr/when_does_binge_weight_gain_show/
I binged and ate a total of 3000-4000 calories last night and today I weighed myself and only weighed 0.2 kg more. Is the weight just gonna show slowly throughout the week or would it have shown by now and I’m safe ???

My extremely shameful story of failing to be the perfect Bridesmaid.
Created: Mon Oct 8 18:31:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mkger/my_extremely_shameful_story_of_failing_to_be_the/
It’s hard for me to even type this out. On mobile so sorry for typos.

My sister is getting married next week. She asked me to be a bridesmaid and I happily accepted. All of the other bridesmaids are size 4 or smaller, tall and lean. I told myself, I have enough time. I can do this. I’ll get a dress their size and by the time the wedding comes around I’ll fit into it perfectly. I had months.

Restricting, binging, purging. That cycle has my body and my self worth so defeated. I’ve lost 13lbs but I’m not there. I’m not a size 4. Dieting pills, laxatives, hours at the gym. I’m not a size 4.

Here I am a week before the wedding and I’m meeting with a tailor tomorrow to see if this dress, the dress I was suppose to fit into, can be let out. I am so humiliated. All of this hell I’ve put myself through and it hasn’t been enough.

Sorry for the rant. I’m just so down.

if i get told college will make me fat one (1) more time..
/u/poppybasket [5’10 | cw130 gw 115 | 17F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 18:29:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mkg03/if_i_get_told_college_will_make_me_fat_one_1_more/
“yOu Won’T stAy So ThiN OnCe You’rE ofF at CollEge eating all that jUnK fOOd!”

pls die i haven’t eaten anything that i haven’t provided for myself but the fruits and veggies u rarely buy in months, and when i have eaten junk it’s my omad. i’ve been feeding (or, well, not feeding) myself since i’ve been able to escape your greasy “meals” by buying my own lowcal shit

please remove yourself from my dick

does anybody else get this a lot and get warnings about “the freshman 15” and shit? it triggers me so fucking bad i wish people (especially my morbidly obese family members) wouldn’t say anything about weight to me ever

every time they say this all i can think is “yeah i’ll show you a freshman 15 but it’ll be -15”

[Rant/Rave] Who else thinks pretty much everyone else around them is pretty but themselves?
/u/speedayyyy [5’7 | CW 162 | BMI 25.28 | GW 120 | 21F| ]
Created: Mon Oct 8 18:23:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mkei0/who_else_thinks_pretty_much_everyone_else_around/
I don’t think I’m pretty or attractive at all. I have a round fat face, I carry a lot of weight in my thighs and belly, weird looking face, have psoriasis on my arms and legs, and self harm scars all over my legs. Sometimes I cry because of how much I hate myself. I hate compliments because it just feels like pity or lies. I’ve never been super thin so maybe once I get there I will be pretty. Maybe being fat just doesn’t suit me. Or I’ll just be ugly then too. I don’t know anymore. I’m tired of everything.

[Rant/Rave] Scared about moving to city with thinner people
/u/gigi-has-issues [5'9"| CW 155| GW 115| F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 18:07:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mka4n/scared_about_moving_to_city_with_thinner_people/
I might be moving to Boston or Chicago from the South next year. People down here are generally pretty fat and with a high normal BMI I'm basically 'thin'. I'm from up north but haven't returned in so long so I'm not sure what is typical for women my age, but I know I'm going to be on the chubby end at best. It's going to be worse because it'll be in a rich area. This is honestly really getting to me and I'm thinking I HAVE to make goal by then. It's absolutely daunting. Just needed to vent. Going for a run tonight, haha.

[Discussion] Sweet beverages-anyone else?
Created: Mon Oct 8 18:00:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mk89x/sweet_beveragesanyone_else/
Despite their demonization... Anyone else feel like soda and other sweet beverages help suppress appetite? They make it so I don’t have to eat a full meal, often can even skip the meal

[Help] discord link?
/u/band-aide [5'5.5 | CW: 125 | BMI: 20 | F/19]
Created: Mon Oct 8 17:51:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mk63j/discord_link/
i used to be in the proed discord like on two separate occasions, where is the link so i can re-join? thanks, ily all

A nice moment at work
Created: Mon Oct 8 17:46:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mk4rt/a_nice_moment_at_work/
I'm kind of a goofball at work. I love to joke around and make everyone laugh.
I made some kind of joke about not wanting to eat a bowl of food (I work at chipotle) because it's like 1800 calories and how I never have time to eat anymore.
He forced me to go to break and I ended up getting a bowl anyways and he was like "There's no way you're going to finish all of that. It weighs just as much as you do!"
I dunno but it made me feel kinda nice that he thinks I'm small. 😊

[Rant/Rave] Guess who was given the role of "pregnant person" :)))
Created: Mon Oct 8 17:29:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mk086/guess_who_was_given_the_role_of_pregnant_person/
MyJapanese class has an assignment where we have to present a skit (in Japanese) demonstrating social issues in Japan. My group is doing sexual harassment and maternity harassment (google it, it makes me so mad). I was away when they assigned the roles, and they made me the pregnant person who gets to be called fat by her boss :D coincidence? Could be. By my inner voice can't help pointing out that the other two girls in my group are slender and STUNNING, whereas I have got at least 4 BMI points on both of them.

Another point that just made me annoyed , is when we were discussing the script outline (before assigning roles), we were deciding which character gets sexually harassed, and the other members go "well it should be one of the non-pregnant women because a pregnant woman isn't going to be sexually harassed" (!!)

Implying that pregnant women don't/can't get harassed? Or Implying that women deemed unattractive and/or big can't be harassed?

What a ignorant, immature bubble some people live in 😒

[Rant/Rave] Guess who was given the role of "pregnant person" :)))
Created: Mon Oct 8 17:29:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mk084/guess_who_was_given_the_role_of_pregnant_person/
MyJapanese class has an assignment where we have to present a skit (in Japanese) demonstrating social issues in Japan. My group is doing sexual harassment and maternity harassment (google it, it makes me so mad). I was away when they assigned the roles, and they made me the pregnant person who gets to be called fat by her boss :D coincidence? Could be. By my inner voice can't help pointing out that the other two girls in my group are slender and STUNNING, whereas I have got at least 4 BMI points on both of them.

Another point that just made me annoyed , is when we were discussing the script outline (before assigning roles), we were deciding which character gets sexually harassed, and the other members go "well it should be one of the non-pregnant women because a pregnant woman isn't going to be sexually harassed" (!!)

Implying that pregnant women don't/can't get harassed? Or Implying that women deemed unattractive and/or big can't be harassed?

What a ignorant, immature bubble some people live in 😒

going on a trip.
Created: Mon Oct 8 17:23:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mjyp9/going_on_a_trip/
I'm SO anxious about going on a girls trip that I used to be so excited about. What if they notice my eating habits? How do I act normal without panicking after every meal?

You know how having an ED makes you super cold all the time
Created: Mon Oct 8 17:20:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mjxyv/you_know_how_having_an_ed_makes_you_super_cold/
I work in a warehouse right by the doors and it's super cold here atm, this was at like 7am and it was COLD AF. I got yelled at today by a customer and one of my supervisors for having the heater on. Even if I didnt have an ED I'd still be badly anaemic. Sorry for being cold?


Why do the little things that everyone else gets over in five seconds bother me the most

[Rant/Rave] Good day turned into a binge :(
/u/fiyacht524 [5'6" |CW 50.5kg |BMI 17.89 | GW:48kg| Female]
Created: Mon Oct 8 16:41:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mjmz9/good_day_turned_into_a_binge/
Sorry for the wall of text, but I really need to vent.

It's been 1 month since I moved away from home to do my study abroad period. This is the first time I've ever lived without my parents. I'm studying in France, so you can imagine there's been a lot of pastries consumed in the last month. I've also been drinking way more and eating out twice a week.

Anyway, I decided today was the day I would buy a scales, (forgot to bring mine with me), even though I was dreading what it would tell me. I planned on restricting for the whole day and most of this week.

But guys.... I actually did it somehow. In the last month I've actually made it to my goal weight of 50kg! I was sort of happy with myself, although I still hate my body in the mirror.

Anyhow, my decision to "celebrate" with a spoonful of vanilla yoghurt led to me finishing the entire 500g tub and binging on rice cakes and peanut butter for the rest of the day. Woopy freaking doo, I'm a mess.

so tired of bingeing on junk... doing a 3 day fruit mono starting tmrw
/u/peacecorpsquestion3 [5’6 | 118]
Created: Mon Oct 8 16:40:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mjmlm/so_tired_of_bingeing_on_junk_doing_a_3_day_fruit/
any of y'all done this? wish me luck hahah

[Help] honestly terrified of becoming bulimic
/u/itsyaboifranzi [5'0" | whale | -20 | F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 16:38:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mjm56/honestly_terrified_of_becoming_bulimic/
god, ive been eating around my tdee and its making me feel like ass and i want to throw it all up until i just cant anymore. couple that with the huge waves of that disgusting fat feeling you feel deep in your bones and the pit of your stomach and thats how i've been this month so far. the only thing holding me back is how scared i am of becoming bulimic because i know that i definitely wont be able to stop purging once i start. fucks sake im so pathetic lmao

The Chemistry of Fat Loss - Ted Talk
Created: Mon Oct 8 16:33:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mjkr2/the_chemistry_of_fat_loss_ted_talk/

[Discussion] How to compliment others..(without referring to their body)
/u/_Spicy_Lemon_ [5'6 | CW 131.5 | GW 120 | UGW 100| F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 16:28:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mjj6e/how_to_compliment_otherswithout_referring_to/
So often I think the go to for compliments is to comment on someone's weight loss or their body (for any gender) ; which can be problematic to those even without ED's. I know this might be the stupidest post on this sub, but I'm curious on how others on here compliment someone else without bringing up their body.

Dear men in the thinspo sub treating it like softcore porn...
/u/sweetmarten [176 | 60 | 18.98 | F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 16:26:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mjijk/dear_men_in_the_thinspo_sub_treating_it_like/
...and then commenting suggesting that girls who are "too skinny" start lifting weight/gain 5lbs/might have an eating disorder/are too thin to give them a boner/any comment containing the phrases: "mmmm", "sexy", "perfection"

Do you know who this sub is for????? Are you lost??? You have approx 9.7 billion other subreddits designed for you to jerk off to, just GET OFF OUR LAWN and let us have this ONE THING, the purpose of the sub is *in the title*

why do straight guys have to "But my boner!" *everything*?

[Help] I don’t want the cake.
/u/conuretrash [5'3.5''| 20 F | CW 148 | GW 115| -42 |]
Created: Mon Oct 8 16:23:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mjhs2/i_dont_want_the_cake/
I am back home, leaving Wednesday, and I meant to start fasting today. Of course I failed miserably. Now my sister wants us to eat cake and I really don’t want to. But I have no willpower and I already binged today. I am so weak. I gained so much weight this weekend from insane binging. I can’t stop eating. If she brings me cake I’ll consume the whole thing. I don’t want to eat. I don’t know how to stop.

[Discussion] Some times I think I don’t have an eating disorder. Just maybe I don’t.
Created: Mon Oct 8 16:23:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mjhm6/some_times_i_think_i_dont_have_an_eating_disorder/

[Rant/Rave] Relapse.
/u/trying97 [CW 130-128- 126 | GW 110]
Created: Mon Oct 8 16:13:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mjeq5/relapse/
Guys, I relapsed. I’m four days into restricting again. I’ve had 170 calories today and it’s 6:15. For so long, I wasn’t thinking about food in this way. And something just... switched? I have no idea how this happens randomly. When I’m in this head space, I can’t understand why I was okay eating everything before. And it’s only been a couple days!!! I don’t get it. I guess I have EDNOS or something? Who knows. Maybe I don’t have an eating disorder at all. Is it a thing for EDs to go dormant and then resurface randomly?

[Rant/Rave] Why do people care so much about my eating habits?
Created: Mon Oct 8 16:04:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mjc37/why_do_people_care_so_much_about_my_eating_habits/
I came home from school today and was really looking forward to eating a bagel today and of course my boyfriend's mom and grandma are cooking in the kitchen so I'm like oh boy, time to get scrutinized for the way I prepare my food. (:

So I bring out my food scale to weigh out my cream cheese for the bagel because idgaf if it seems weird I'm still going to eat the way that makes me feel good.
His mom is all "oh wow you're doing so good! Wow look at you with that scale, it's almost sickening! Hahahahaaaaaa"
And his grandma is like "oh my god I know isn't she adorable?" And his mom chimes in with "wow, yeah, it's impressive!" And his grandma repeats back in a weird, semi sarcastic tone "Yeah Cattivity, you're sooo impressive!"
And idk the interaction was just so fucking weird and uncomfortable. Like It was obvious they thought what I was doing was weird and over the top and had to comment on it but wanted to phrase it all as a compliment.
The whole time I just wanna say "can you just fuck off and let me eat? Jesus christ."
Rant over.

[Help] How to stop once you start binging
Created: Mon Oct 8 15:50:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mj74n/how_to_stop_once_you_start_binging/
I do super well while fasting and have been super successful restricting doing about a 600 calorie OMAD every day. However, sometimes once I have bread or dessert or fattening things I let myself go and let it get way out of hand. How do you allow yourself to stop after one piece of bread or bite of dessert? When I’m by myself I just don’t keep any of it around but when I’m with family they’ll harass me if I don’t have a few bites of those things. Sometimes it takes me days to get back into my restricting routine.

[Rant/Rave] I ate „normal“ today
/u/MieptheMiep [purging pro]
Created: Mon Oct 8 15:44:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mj5mb/i_ate_normal_today/
So, I restrict or binge/purge since 2 years. There was not one day I ate „normal“. But today was that day. I am going to sleep, so there won’t be a binge. It’s so weird, my body is burning. I have urges to binge, because I „fucked up anyway“. But I did okay. I might restrict tomorrow more. BUT HOLY SHIT I FINALLY MADE IT ONE DAY.

Does anyone else get a spiritual feeling from fasting?
Created: Mon Oct 8 15:42:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mj5cd/does_anyone_else_get_a_spiritual_feeling_from/
or is that just me?

I like how it feels, I actually enjoy it.

EC stacking at work
/u/Aprikoosi_flex [5'9" | cw 127 | gw 117 | ugw 110 | 26F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 15:39:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mj4cr/ec_stacking_at_work/
Got back into my full EC stack mode and today at work we were hella busy. I was ringing and bagging groceries so fucking fast. Water, pills, and ciggys are my life rn and I feel amazing. I’ll probably have a terrible backache tonight but it’s worth it 😅😅

Back on the bullshit (new here, hello!)
/u/loggainmigok [5'5'' |23.9|CW: 145 | LW: 130 |HW: 160|GW: 110| -1 lbs| 26F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 15:39:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mj4b0/back_on_the_bullshit_new_here_hello/
Hi everybody! Sorry, here is a rant! i'm just so relieved and terrified and i don't know. Happy to speak to others with EDproblems :)


Former self-diagnosed EDNOS here, I hope that's okay? never went looking for help, and "recovered" on my own, or ... well .... I've been in \~"recovery"\~ for about 7 years, but not really the "oh yay rainbows i love my body"-recovery, but more the "eating huge fat amounts of chocolate alone in my bedroom refusing to count calories"-recovery. The "LaLaLaLa-not-thinking-bout-it"-recovery. The gdamn kind of recovery where you STILL hate your fucking body, but you try not to think about it at all instead :)))):))):):)


I mean, i get mad anxiety thinking about showing my body to anyone lmao, and have had NO relationships since my late teens bc WHO THE FUCK wants to see this ugly ugly piece of crap hahaha

oh man, i'm more angry than i thought. I just HATE how fat i've gotten. fuck fuck fuck


Anyway, whoopsi-doo i tried to finally lose some weight and go on a healthy lifestyle 3 weeks ago, I can't stand hating my body anymore. Anyway, surprise surprise: it rapidly devolved to furiously reading calories on packaging and wandering around grocery stores for 2 hours mindlessly browsing. picking stuff up, putting it down. wandering back and forth and finally walking out with like, 2 fucking cucumbers and shiritaki noodles or some stupid shit and constant warring thoughts of

"So many Calories, I can chew it and spit it out" -

"NOO we are healthy now, remember? 1300 calories a day, at least! We'll still lose weight, the healthy wa-"

"why? piggy needs her chocolate that much? oh my god blabla dfhjfbhdgbljsd STOP EATING"


finally today I panicked when my day total was 1250, and tomorrow i'm planning a fast and fuckitall.

oh man oh man, i recognize this, it's so familiar. hell and heaven at the same time.


Honestly, i know i'll never be beautiful. never get a girlfriend, don't think i have the courage to show my body hahahaah. but, I CAN BE FUCKING THIN. I CAN BE THIN.


I can lose it again. and i'm noooot fucking stopping. Because honestly, these last few years have been hell, weight and self-confidence-wise. Fuck, piece of shit gremlin


Also, reading this back I'm not sure I ever truly recovered haha. I mean, apparently many people feel good about their bodies and i don't, and never did during any time my recovery. Also I would still binge and then feel terrible lol. It's just that I haven't really been gaining/losing any amount of weight ... i don't know? what's the criteria for an ED? The disordered thinking has certainly been popping in quite often at least :|


So, yeah ... Hello everybody! And thank you so much for reading. I'll be posting here regularly. Last time I was very alone, would gladly make some friends this time :)

[Rant/Rave] i feel guilty and uncomfortable when people look at me now, and i wasn’t expecting it
/u/duskedfur [5'7" | CW: 101 | 15.7 | UGW: 95 | F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 15:32:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mj2a9/i_feel_guilty_and_uncomfortable_when_people_look/
before i got to my CW (which happens to be my LW) i thought i would adore the attention i would get. i’m currently about 98 lbs and people have started to stare and instead of relishing it, i feel awful. i know i look sick and everyone is probably coming up with their own conclusions as to why i look that way. i can see people looking at my wrists, hands, and legs and i don’t know what they’re thinking. i read posts on this sub where underweight passerby are seen as ‘thinspo’ and the thought of someone looking at me on the street and using my body as fuel to starve themselves makes me want to blow my fucking brains out. ive posted on the thinspo sub before for a little bit of validation when my dysmorphia got too bad but i think i regret it a lot now. i’m absolutely revolted by myself and i know the people who see me day to day probably feel the same way. if i knew it was going to be like this i would have attempted recovery while i could but it’s too late now, i have no desire whatsoever to get better and i’ve accepted that i’m either going to binge all the weight back one day or die. recovery will not be my own choice.

Ballet or yoga?
/u/SkinnyisSexy [5'7 |125lb|19.6|-23lb|F GW115]
Created: Mon Oct 8 15:32:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mj288/ballet_or_yoga/
I'm wanting to sign up for one of these. I danced throughout high school and loved it, but I've never done yoga. I love the idea of calming my mind and a light workout (my low calorie ass doesn't need to go fainting at zumba lol) I know ballet can be very strenuous while restricting. What do you guys think?

[Help] Should I tell my bf about my ed?
Created: Mon Oct 8 15:31:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mj21z/should_i_tell_my_bf_about_my_ed/
He kinda already knows what’s up like he knows I only eat once a day but he thinks I eat a lot more calories than I actually do. I also told him one time about this Reddit account on which I only have weight loss related subreddits but we were both extremely drunk and I think he forgot? I don’t know if I should have an actual conversation with him or if I should keep hiding it, and what I’d even say if I did sorry am in shambles lol overate today

5’9 girls...what’s your goal weight?
Created: Mon Oct 8 15:29:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mj1dw/59_girlswhats_your_goal_weight/

[Discussion] And very low calorie noodle substitutes?
Created: Mon Oct 8 15:04:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mitu6/and_very_low_calorie_noodle_substitutes/
I’ve tried shiritaki noodles but every time I make them they still manage to have a rubbery weird texture that I can’t get over. Even tips on how to cook them better is appreciated!

I’m craving spaghetti sauce like crazy and feel guilty eating it straight out of the jar lol

I’m going to tell my girlfriend...
/u/famarino [5’3 | CW: 105| 18.5 | UGW: 90| F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 15:02:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mitd4/im_going_to_tell_my_girlfriend/
I’m coming clean and finally telling her about my ED. I’m so nervous and this could change/end our relationship. Wish me luck, guys.

PSA: fountain drinks have different calorie counts than their canned counterparts
Created: Mon Oct 8 14:52:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9miq85/psa_fountain_drinks_have_different_calorie_counts/
I found this out because I have a hangover and am lazy so I went to the sonic drive through to get powerade because I know it's somewhat low calorie and I needed those sweet, sweet electrolytes. And then I got very confused trying to log it because there were a bunch of different calorie counts in LoseIt and they were all different from the one sonic has listed. So I looked it up on the coca cola website and powerade from the fountain has almost 2x the calories of bottled powerade. And sonic powerade has even more than that (I guess they put a higher syrup ratio? IDK) And it's like that for all fountain drinks. They all have more calories than the stuff in the can. And for some reason stuff from coke freestyle machines has more calories than canned but less than normal fountain drinks?

Anyway, I know most of us probably drink diet drinks anyway so it doesn't really matter. I normally do and after this I'm never ordering non-diet drinks from a fast food chain or restaurant ever again. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

Not attractive anymore
/u/alliwantisskinny [5'7 | 113 | 17.7 | -10 | female]
Created: Mon Oct 8 14:25:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mijc2/not_attractive_anymore/
so I've kind of been in a weird food state. just eating whatever I want.. and I've gained around 5 pounds and I'm literally so mad at myself.
I've noticed though my boyfriend has seemed really uninterested in me and hasn't been commenting on my body (like usual) and I don't know what's going on. do I look huge? did the 5 pounds make a huge difference in how he sees me? am I ugly? i hate myself. never want to eat again.

Isn't life grand?
Created: Mon Oct 8 14:11:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mifn2/isnt_life_grand/
For the first time ever, I decided to wear a crop top outside today but I wore it with high waisted skinny jeans so I wasn't showing too much tummy. I'm a very shy and reserved girl and at higher weights, I wore a lot of men's t-shirts and jeans so what I wore today was definitely out of my comfort zone. Anyway, today was going well, I felt...confident? until I was walking to one of my classes and dropped my notebook. I had papers inside of the notebook and upon falling, all of my papers scatter and began to blow in the wind. I bend down, trying to grab the papers and of course, top comes up, skin displayed and I'm huntched over so I know I look fat asf. I'm still trying to grab the papers and it's just not happening. I finally get them up and as I try to stand back up I nearly fall over (I have drop foot in one of my feet and it causes me to trip and fall sometimes so I have to be very careful when walking and climbing stairs). Anyway I get all the papers and try to organize everything neatly again. I'm slightly embarrassed as this point as there were so many people around. Before organizing my shit, I set my diet coke down on a small brick wall and after organizing my shit, I reach down to get my diet coke and it falls over on the ground. At this point I'm so annoyed. I scream ''fuck!'' bend over again displaying my gross fat and rush to class. It ruined my whole day. I just knew I was going home to binge and purge on my freezer food. On the way home I'm nearing a doughnut shop that I love but haven't eaten at all year. I think '' fuck it '' and go. I got a dozen doughnut holes and a glazed twist. Roughly 1000 calories. I know I'm going to purge it so I'm not mad. I get home, put my frozen food in the oven and proceed to purge the doughnuts. Nothing comes up. I wait awhile longer eat my freezer food and wait a bit to purge everything. What do you know? Nothing comes up. I want to cry. I'm trying to cry because I feel shit but I can't fucking cry!! I look in the mirror and see how gross I look and now I want to call out of work and turn out all the lights and think about how much I want to die. The end.

[Rant/Rave] Boyfriend said I’m ugly because of weight loss
Created: Mon Oct 8 14:08:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mietl/boyfriend_said_im_ugly_because_of_weight_loss/
My boyfriend knows for as long as we’ve been dating (9 months) that I’ve struggled with weight loss and ideal body image. When we first started dating I was at about 120 pounds, maybe a little less at 5’4.5”. We are long distance and I’ve lost about 10 pounds since the last time a saw him over a month ago and he fucking tells me that he wouldn’t like me anymore if my boobs or ass got any smaller. He said “guys like girls with big tits and a big ass”.

Well I’m so fucking sorry that how my body is makes you so unhappy. I like the weight I’m at! If you don’t like it then go fucking find someone else that has a big ass and tits but also isn’t a fucking whale. Fuck you. No one is perfect.

How would he like if I told him that he won’t be attractive till he gains another 10 or 15 pounds of muscle??? Fucking asshole. Nothing would ever be good enough till I have an instagram pornstar’s body... Which he keeps as his phone wallpaper 🙂🔫. I think next time I see him I’ll change my phone wallpaper to the body of a guy I wish he looked like .👌

Anyone wanna be fitbit buddies?
/u/sipapito [4'11"| 116lbs | BMI: 23.6 | -2lbs | f]
Created: Mon Oct 8 14:00:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mic9j/anyone_wanna_be_fitbit_buddies/
I use my Fitbit to track steps, exercise, and food if anyone wants to be buddies! lmk!

[Rant/Rave] Restriction Starts Again. My Life is a Mess
Created: Mon Oct 8 13:41:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mi5xo/restriction_starts_again_my_life_is_a_mess/
Ever since my LEEP surgery 6 days ago, I've binged every day but one. I feel huge. I'm also bloated from this surgery. I'm in constant pain. I went to the ER by myself on Friday night because I couldn't take the pain. It was scary. I have a bruise from where the IV was. My lower back feels like someone is repeatedly punching me over and over. Also, I get my period tomorrow so that's great.

Somehow, I've only gained two pounds. It could be water weight. Who knows. I'm facing a dilemma, because I know I should be eating healthily since I'm healing from a surgery, but anytime I eat over 900 calories, I immediately erase everything from my fitness pal and binge. I JUST WANT TO BE NORMAL.

Sorry for the ranting. I'm just really not in a good place... I get my test results in about a week. I'm scared. My emotions are OUT OF CONTROL. My boyfriend and I have been constantly arguing. I just want to go live alone with my cat.. I'm thinking of taking a klonopin and sleeping all day so then at least I won't binge. I just want to be 85 lbs, not 95. My brain is so messed up. I don't even weigh 100 pounds, yet I feel huge. I feel like a whale. I hate my body. ):

Thanks for reading this. 💕 I love you all. I hope you're having a better day than me.

[Rant/Rave] confused, stressed, and struggling
Created: Mon Oct 8 13:34:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mi3t2/confused_stressed_and_struggling/
(TW numbers!)

So basically 2 years ago i was 5’7” and weighed 110 lbs. I started getting upset about everyone mentioning my weight and telling me I need to eat more food or stop being vegan, so I felt pressured to gain weight. I gained about 10 pounds in a month then stayed there until last year when I spiraled out of control. For about a year now I’ve been in a constant binge cycle. I am now 150 lbs. I’m the happiest I’ve been in a while thanks to my boyfriend, but I’ve also never hated my body more. My boyfriend has been going through some shit recently with work and family and his mental health isn’t the best right now. When we met about a year ago he was 6’2” and about 175 lbs. He has unintentionally lost a lot of weight in the last few months due to stress and now weighs 155lbs. It makes me sad to see how much weight he’s lost and I’m secretly so jealous of his quick weight loss/embarrassed I’m almost the same weight as him. I really need to get my shit together and get down to my safe weight (125) but I’m scared to ruin our relationship. 2 Years ago at my LW I pushed everyone away from me and isolated myself from the world. My boyfriend has helped me to come out of my shell and be more confident and social and I’ve never been happier but I still desperately crave the high of loss. I just don’t know what to do. The only thing I’m sure of is that I need to lose weight. I am 5 pounds away from my HW and that is too close for comfort.

[Rant/Rave] living alone for a week makes me want to be alone all the time
Created: Mon Oct 8 13:02:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mhtic/living_alone_for_a_week_makes_me_want_to_be_alone/
my roommate is out of town for the week to visit her girlfriend and look at apartments for when we eventually move at the end of this semester (we’ve lived together two years now). normally i’d be really fucking sad the entire time but i feel... nothing? even worse, i think i’m kind of pumped. i’m on hour 112 of my fast and i went and bought some of my safe foods today after browsing the supermarket for nearly two hours, and i’m really enjoying myself. and i dunno, maybe all of that is just the ed talking, but i feel so good without someone breathing down my neck and shoving unhealthy stuff in my mouth all the time. i know the way we used to bond was hanging out, binge-watching shows and eating whatever the hell we wanted, but my best friend (roommate) is super skinny naturally. she never gains weight or looks different. ever. and we used to eat the same amount, before my ed flared up again. i know ultimately she wants what’s best for me because we’re like sisters, but idk if i spend another birthday or summer fat and hating myself, i might actually lose my shit. i’ve been seriously thinking about moving to a different place when i move out after this semester, but i wouldn’t even know where to start. i don’t know if i even should start.

[Thinspo] What was your most inspiring bout of irl thinspo? Or reverse thinspo if that's what gets you going.
/u/cortizonegnome [5'3" | bingetastic CW: 107 | GW 99 | UGW 88 | F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 12:40:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mhm8s/what_was_your_most_inspiring_bout_of_irl_thinspo/
I'm interested in becoming a physician and this weekend I shadowed internal medicine at a nearby hospital. The two residents that accompanied us and the attending were both tiny asian (note: this is relevant b/c I'm also asian lol) women around my height. They were *tiny*. Drowning in their scrubs. From under their coats I could see their dainty wrists and prominent collarbones. They both couldn't have weighed more than 92 lbs soaking wet. They were busy and wore no makeup and looked really tired but they still looked so beautiful. The whole day we sprint-walked around the hospital, taking the stairs instead of the elevator to be efficient, and I watched them constantly buzzing around getting *something* done. Somehow the dark bags under their eyes made them look even *better* b/c it meshed so well with how thin they were? They were incredibly intelligent and that day they both skipped lunch b/c it was so busy. That's the life I want to live. I want to help people and be so busy helping people that I sacrifice my own lunch too. They were everything I want to be. They were like me but they achieved everything I wanted in life.

DAE feel like a failure if they get too close to their maximum calorie count?
/u/OriginalJokeGoesHere [170cm | GW 45kg | 19M | 🍑 same | ednos]
Created: Mon Oct 8 12:35:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mhkrm/dae_feel_like_a_failure_if_they_get_too_close_to/
So I restrict to 500+my activity calories which theoretically gives me a limit of like 1100 on most days to lose 2lbs a week. I've been eating 800 (overestimated) and feeling terrible about it. Every time I get close to 1000 I get convinced that I'm going to gain. Also, because I have to (over) estimate portion sizes and calories so much I'm convinced that without this cushion I'm going to be even fatter.

[Rant/Rave] I don't even like Chinese food...
Created: Mon Oct 8 12:21:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mhg5p/i_dont_even_like_chinese_food/
We went out to eat at a Chinese and sushi buffet for my dad's birthday. I have a strong dislike for Chinese food, but I can just go with the flow to make him happy. I'm allergic to shellfish, and half of their options had shrimp. None of the sushi was labeled, so I couldn't take a gamble with any of it, either (I actually like sushi).

This left me with few options, and I tried what seemed appealing. The catfish was bone dry. The "baked salmon" was so overcooked, it was white and tough like jerky. The chicken was legit rubbery chewy and impossible to swallow. Their rice was undercooked and still hard. Even their rolls where stale on the inside and not a good texture.

I spent the entire lunch trying something, and being disappointed. Now I feel like I wasted a whole meal and I'm mad at myself for it.

But my dad was so happy, so I just smiled and pretended like it was the best meal ever. Ugh. I'm unreasonably mad about this whole thing.

[Discussion] How ‘hungry’ is ‘hungry’ for you?
Created: Mon Oct 8 12:08:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mhbnr/how_hungry_is_hungry_for_you/
I’m hungry all the time. It’s to the point where I don’t feel comfortable unless I’m hungry, which I don’t think is an uncommon feeling. But I’m interested to know what it takes for you guys to feel hunger to the point of admitting you’re hungry enough to eat.

Example: I had a supplement smoothie for breakfast at 5:30am. At 10:30 I decided to eat 100g of strawberries. After I was done eating them my stomach was growling and I felt deeply empty and my stomach felt like it was full of ice. As my stomach was growling and I was having ‘hunger pains’ I thought ‘oh that’s weird because I’m not hungry.’ Obviously my body is very deeply hungry, but it doesn’t register to me that I should eat. I don’t feel like I’m hungry enough to warrant eating.

So I guess I’m curious about how you guys treat hunger. What’s the line between normal hunger and hunger that causes you to eat?

Considering vaping?
Created: Mon Oct 8 12:07:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mhbje/considering_vaping/
So I'm considering vaping as an appetite suppressant, but I don't know how I feel about nicotine. Is the nicotine what suppresses it? Or does just the act of vaping help?

[Goal] Had to buy new autumn clothes since the old ones were baggy but i havent yet realized how much i’ve lost until i checked the sizes... this is mfn goals!!!!!
/u/s_chill_er [5'7''|CW: 117|GW:110|18.3|18F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 11:59:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mh8sd/had_to_buy_new_autumn_clothes_since_the_old_ones/

[Other] Hurricane Diet
/u/jmiles00 [5'2 | 144.8 CW| 26.5 BMI | ftm]
Created: Mon Oct 8 11:51:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mh675/hurricane_diet/
A hurricane is about to hit my town so my classes are cancelled for the rest of the week. Everyone is talking about stocking up on snacks and beer for the hurricane. My pantry is looking pretty bare rn and I *should* go stock up for the storm but instead I'm looking forward to a mono-diet of saltines until I run out and a fast for the remainder of the storm

How do I deal with the guilt??
/u/pringlesenthusiast [5’3 | CW 135 | HW 175 | GW 110| UGW 98]
Created: Mon Oct 8 11:43:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mh39f/how_do_i_deal_with_the_guilt/
My friends and family love me so much and want me to be in recovery. I’m constantly lying and saying I’m eating when I’m not, they make me promise and so I do. I tell them things are getting better. I have NEVER been one to lie like this and I feel like a horrible awful person for it. I love them all so much I don’t want them to worry but The thought of recovering and not having my ED is beyond overwhelming I just can’t I’m not ready. The guilt is a lot to handle any and all advice or kind words are welcome ❤️💕

[Help] Why do I keep sabotaging my weightloss?
Created: Mon Oct 8 11:39:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mh1u8/why_do_i_keep_sabotaging_my_weightloss/
I’ve been stuck at 170-178 for like three months now and every time I get to 169 it’s like a switch flips and I lose all control.
I’ll be dieting and perfectly controlled with absolutely no binging until I get my weight to 169 and then the compulsion to eat literally everything in sight comes back and I gain again.
I don’t know why I keep doing this! It’s driving me insane
Someone help me please

overheard my stepmom saying i was way too fat and it’s good that i haven’t been eating.
Created: Mon Oct 8 11:38:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mh1jn/overheard_my_stepmom_saying_i_was_way_too_fat_and/
i’ve had my weight commented on for my entire life but this was just especially triggering since she said it in such a hateful tone. i doubt i’ll ever feel confident about my body ever again.
sorry for the mini rant :(

[Discussion] starting a diet at 1200, am i a failure?
Created: Mon Oct 8 11:17:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mguqu/starting_a_diet_at_1200_am_i_a_failure/
i'm pretty sure i have BED lol, although it wasn't an official diagnosis, just my therapist saying so.
so in an effort to stick to a diet (and move to a more restrictive one eventually) i'm starting at 1200cal a day. i just?? feel gross about it and kind of wanted to hear what you all on this sub think lol
i think the discussion tag is correct but please let me know if i'm wrong

[Rant/Rave] I can never achieve the "petite" look, thanks to my bone structure
/u/deathsultimatestan [5'5 | CW 96 | HW150 | BMI 16.2 | 19F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 10:46:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mgka3/i_can_never_achieve_the_petite_look_thanks_to_my/
I thought when I got down to 95 pounds that I'd look as dainty as the girls I used for thinspo. But boy, was I wrong. Turns out my wide abdomen wasnt just because I was fat, but because of my build. So instead, I just got narrow, but my middle area stays wide as ever. Waist to hip ratio? Don't her. Getting underweight but never having that supertiny waist is pretty disappointing. Too bad you can lose weight but not reform your skeleton...

[Discussion] How to tell future boss I need to push back starting so I can go to treatment?
Created: Mon Oct 8 10:43:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mgj71/how_to_tell_future_boss_i_need_to_push_back/
Hi guys

I accepted a job offer in June for a start date this fall. I had to study for and pass a certification exam and I failed, which isn’t uncommon and gives me 30 days until I can re-take it.

I’ve been studying alone all summer and shit has really gotten out control. In 3-4 months I’ve spent tens of thousands of dollars on food/ingredients/cooking supplies/Starbucks (meal replacement of choice). All I think about is food, exercising, food storage, recipes, nutritional value, food shopping. I could have bought a new BMW with the money I spent for ED.

After looking at my credit card statements and finally listening to my therapist, I’m pretty sure I need help. I can’t possibly take on more adult responsibilities unless I let go of this distracting food/body bullshit I focus on 25/7. I’m 26 and everyone around me is just cruising into adulthood/engagement/career success and I am flopping around like a flabby, pale, poor, emotionally unstable salmon exhausted from swimming upstream since I was 20.

I need to tell my boss I need to push back my start date to go to PHP. I don’t want him to think I’m unreliable, lazy, unstable, or that I don’t take this job opportunity seriously. I don’t want to tell him about the eating disorder. I don’t want to appear like I expect sympathy.

I just want an excuse that makes sense and doesn’t tell all my coworkers I’m a mess before I even meet them. I just want the space to feel better.

Mono?? Jury duty?? Idk what to do or say. He already knows I failed my first try at the exam he needs me to pass and was really really chill about it. I don’t want to take advantage of him.

[Help] Gained like 20 pounds binging
Created: Mon Oct 8 09:50:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mg1eq/gained_like_20_pounds_binging/
I've posted on here in the past and I left after I got to a place where I felt like I was somewhat recovered. I was doing pretty well for myself. I got a job and met a guy over summer whom I fell for, then after we messed around (he took my virginity/sorry I know tmi) he decided to tell me he didn't want anything serious. During all of this, I guess the stress from that, my job, and the abusive environment I was in with my mother, I started losing weight unintentionally. I got really skinny again to the point where everyone had to add their input. It made me insecure so I started slowly putting on weight. The first 5-8 pounds were from intentionally gaining weight. Everything afterwards has been from me binging and I literally don't know how to make it stop. I'll binge and say, "Okay, tomorrow I'm gonna eat 1,200 calories so I can lose this added weight." Then the next day will come and I'll either eat my daily recommended, or I'll binge again. I just keep gaining weight, but I'm such a wreck with everything that's been going on and is still going on, that I guess I'm binging from the stress. Has anyone else been able to combat this?

Best foods to chew and spit?
Created: Mon Oct 8 09:48:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mg0o1/best_foods_to_chew_and_spit/
I’m going to the grocery store today and I’ve just started chewing and spitting again, it makes life with an Ed so much easier. What are some of your favorite foods to c/s? Anything watery or with a lot of liquid is kinda hard and mushy stuff like muffins is so gross to spit out. I don’t want to buy things that I won’t want to spit and then end up eating them.

From a size 18 to a size 10
Created: Mon Oct 8 09:16:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mfqkj/from_a_size_18_to_a_size_10/
Since about April til now I've steadily dropped quite a bit of weight, and my pants size has gone from an 18 to a 10 (which is still way too high, but whatevs, I'm still working on it). There's proof I've lost significant weight, in the way my clothes fit, in the scale, in the comments I get, in my bmi, but I just can't see it at all. I feel even more gross than I did before. I feel uncomfortable leaving the house because I feel so ashamed of my body. Does anybody else feel this way? What can I do to help? I hate this so much. I hate my stupid fucking body.

I hate periods
/u/bromodatchi [5'1" | 96 lbs | 18.9 | F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 09:16:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mfqep/i_hate_periods/
I've had my period for straight up over a month and I fucking hate it. Obviously, cause for concern, so after some serious google-fu I learned that PROLONGED periods are ALSO a side effect of eating disorders. why can't i get the GOOD NO PERIOD ONE. (but at least validating)

[Goal] I want to look sick by thanksgiving
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 |CW 118 | GW 115 | GW 105-110 | F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 09:05:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mfmsm/i_want_to_look_sick_by_thanksgiving/
I don’t know know if that’s a reasonable goal but i want people to notice. That means no bingeing and occasional fasting. I think I can do it. To be 110 or less in 6-7 weeks.

[Discussion] Tips for restricting while living with SO?
Created: Mon Oct 8 09:02:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mflz8/tips_for_restricting_while_living_with_so/
(Obligatory hey guys, first post, longtime lurker etc opening)

I moved in with my boyfriend over two months ago after living on my own over a year, at less than 10 lbs from my goal weight. Everything's been going great, except that I realized I can absolutely not lose weight when I'm not living on my own, with an empty fridge and cupboards full of protein bars and 0 cal sweeteners. Even living in a dorm with free meal plan was nothing compared to this--my bf happens to be a great cook and has a very active job.

Instead of losing slowly like I intended, I gained about 5 lbs quickly and think i accidentally "recovered" (night sweats, sleeping all the time, completely bloated 24/7, the works). On the bright side, the blood sugar issues I'd been having for months finally went away, and uni started so I have free access to a full gym again.

I can't be the only one in a situation like this, but I don't have the willpower to push through and i hate it. I just want to be 100 lbs so bad--thinking about either buying a vape or EC stacking for appetite suppressant, but I'd have to keep both these a complete secret all the time. I can't even tell him I want to lose weight because my bmi is ~20 and I have more muscle than I want already.

Anyone else have any luck with vaping/EC? Or other ways you've figured out how to lose secretly?

[Discussion] Does anyone else have the negative chatter too? What do you tell yourself? I have been looking through my journals so I am posting what I wrote...
Created: Mon Oct 8 09:01:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mflr2/does_anyone_else_have_the_negative_chatter_too/
I pick at my face and I ruin my complexion. I feel underserving of beauty, of not looking wrong in some way. I chew on the sides of my fingers and I peel layers of skin off until I see blood. I feel irritated like there is something in me and I cannot get it out. There is a constant chattering in my head, “Why are you so stupid?” “There is something wrong with you,” “People are looking at you because you are so fat and gross,” “You are unlovable and you just need to face it.”

I am a silent disorder, tricking others and fooling myself. I plan the stuffing and filling of the missing parts of me. My head spins tired through a haze of awareness but I cannot stop for I have little holes in my soul and I have to numb the pain of having to be me.

Intuitive Eating
Created: Mon Oct 8 08:49:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mfi3t/intuitive_eating/
I've been learning how to eat intuitively for the last few months and I just wanted to share some of the pros/cons that I've encountered throughout this process. As a note, everybody's body responds differently to this process and I'm also under the supervision of a dietician and a therapist. There is also no standardized time for how long it takes to learn to eat intuitively. From what I can tell so far it seems like a lifelong process but it just gets easier. I can say despite the cons, it has been so worth it and I feel like I'm finally getting my life back.

- Fear about gaining weight/body changes
- Fear when eating my "do not ever eat" foods
- Lots of anxiety when it's time to eat
- Loss of my sense of accomplishment when losing weight/seeing scale go down (this feeling is definitely addictive in my experience)
- My stomach has gotten a bit bigger, but this could be due to bloating from eating more food than I'm used to

- I can think clearly again now that my brain and body are nourished
- I can go out to dinner at a place without calories listed on the menu
- I have energy to do things other than watch food videos/obsess over calories and meal planning
- I'm not hangry anymore
- My relationship with my boyfriend has improved significantly now that I'm not starving all the time
- There are so many delicious foods out there that I haven't had in ages and it's so fun trying all of them
- I care so much less about what my body looks like. That's not to say I don't care at all, but it's like the eating disorder voice is quieter so it's easier to ignore. Some days are easier than others and some days end in me crying on my floor so it's not all sunshine and rainbows. Lol

I do want to say that this journey has not been easy and I know that many of you on here are not ready for recovery and I totally understand. I've had an eating disorder for 8 years and it's been quite the process getting to this point. I don't know what changed for me to want to truly try to recover. Maybe it was the strain it took on my relationship? Maybe it's because I started therapy again? Maybe the constant hunger finally wore me down? Maybe it was a bunch of little things? I'll never know but feel free to ask me any questions about intuitive eating/recovery and I hope you all have a lovely Monday. :)

[Goal] Anyone else using extra effort to keep it together today?
/u/halfcigarette [5'4"| CW: 👻 | BMI:20ish | 23F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 08:48:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mfhw3/anyone_else_using_extra_effort_to_keep_it/
I feel like I’m going to binge and I’m committed to stopping it

[Help] Smooth move tea vs senna pills
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 |CW 118 | GW 115 | GW 105-110 | F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 08:26:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mfb0z/smooth_move_tea_vs_senna_pills/
I’m looking for relief and am between these two. What’s the difference? How do they affect your body?

Currently the thinnest in the room
/u/art_istical [5'5 | CW: 104 | BMI: 17 | GW: 99 | Female]
Created: Mon Oct 8 08:25:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mfayo/currently_the_thinnest_in_the_room/
Ah it's been an insane weekend and I just want to talk about it with people who would truly understand so here's a breakdown of my life nobody needed:

I'm 17. I have a very busy life: Monday i work from 10-2, and on Friday 10-3. Tuesday I am in a town an hour from me for classes from 9AM-10PM. Wednesday is my day off. Thursday again in town for classes from 9-3. I walk on average 10,000 to 15,000 steps at a decently brisk pace and usually with a large backpack. Weekends I am either at my boyfriend's in town or he is at my house. Any of mt free time is spent studying and looking after my 30+ pets.

I'm in a really restrictive mindset. I haven't had my net calories come to equal more than 500 by the end of the day in more than two weeks. I also do a fair bit of yoga.

The scale at my house broke around the same timw i started restricting heavily, so i haven't been able weigh myself. Well Friday I came to my boyfriend's house and weighed myself aaaaand I was 2 pounds under my GW, I haven't been this weight since I was 14 and two inches shorter. It's been my goal since then. That means I've lost almost 20 pounds since around midsummer. And 10 of those just in the last month. My BMI is lower than it's ever been.

My life is genuinely the best it's EVER been and i can't understand why I'm doing this to myself, I'm so incredibly happy with life! Everything makes me happy, I'm always excited about like 58392995 things, but I can't make myself eat. Of course that's another thing adding to my joy (and my sorrow. What a brain fuck).

This whole weekend has been insane and I still won't be home until around 2 today. Currently I'm sitting in a coffee shop, I'm the thinnest one here, I'm happy, and it's not like anybody can tell. I have naturally larger thighs so i honestly look totally healthy, but the fact that I'm the thinnest one here... I am... HAPPY.

Anyway. You guys are all amazing and i hope you all have a fantastic week!

I binged between 3000-4000 calories and want to dieeee. If I eat 800-1000 a day for the remainder of the week will that stop the damage ?! :( fml
Created: Mon Oct 8 08:17:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mf8dm/i_binged_between_30004000_calories_and_want_to/

starting my two week fast today
Created: Mon Oct 8 08:14:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mf7fm/starting_my_two_week_fast_today/

Looking for a friend
Created: Mon Oct 8 07:42:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9meyc0/looking_for_a_friend/
I’ve mentioned my ED to two people in my life, one friend that I don’t talk to anymore and one friend who’s still in my life but he’s too ADHD(he actually is) to remember. No one else knows, those who know don’t seem to care, and I’m a sad sorry sack of a slob. At least during the weekends anyway.

But today’s a Monday. And like always, I feel gross, having binged over the weekend. I usually restrict during the weekdays, but there’s left over weekend food, and I just want to keep eating today.

With all that said...
I just want to talk to someone, who understands, just for one evening, for me to just... let it out. No need to continue the “spontaneous and momentary friendship”. It can just be a one time thing. Anyone up for a possibly awkward, possibly binging(or restricting, whatever suits your wants), possibly motivating, Discord session or something?

P.S. I’m by no means wanting to perpetuate our behavior. If a binge session happens, it happens. I’m not going to enjoy it, and I’m going to be sad about it. But if I can share that with someone, it might be... nice.

[Rant/Rave] Honestly the WORST side effect of binge related disorders!
/u/Bookofkelis [5'10 | 126 | 18.1 | GW 118 | 20F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 07:23:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9met3i/honestly_the_worst_side_effect_of_binge_related/

/u/manfromanother-place [5’1.75 | CW:100 | GW: 95 | 18.4]
Created: Mon Oct 8 07:21:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mesko/double_digit_club_babes/
just hit 99 lbs!!!

[Goal] I reached my ultimate goal weight
Created: Mon Oct 8 07:17:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9merr0/i_reached_my_ultimate_goal_weight/
Well actually I stepped on the scale and Im half a pound less than my goal weight. I thought I would feel euphoric or something, but I feel nothing. I thought that once I reached it I would just maintain, but I look at myself and want to lose 10 more pounds. I'm honestly extremely confused and feel blind sided. I thought it would be over.

Thanks for pointing out that i used to be kinda chubby (TW: NUMBERS INCLUDED)
Created: Mon Oct 8 07:15:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mer2m/thanks_for_pointing_out_that_i_used_to_be_kinda/
So i work at a gym . Ive been fairly in my ed since i stopped using drugs. I was giving this guy a tour of our gym and he asked how much weight i had lost. I told him my HW was 140. He said
"wow you used to be pretty chubby! What are you now?" I told him my CW (104). He then started telling his friend who just walked up about how "chubby i used to be for my frame" and how much weight id lost.
Backstory- so i was in an antidepressant which did make me gain a ton of weight. Looking back at pictures i looked disgusting. But as soon as i stopped i lost all the weight. So idk im just freaking out a bit. Been secretly purging anytime i have to/choose to eat. And i just want to keep losing weight until i beat my LW. Keep me motivated.

[Goal] When it finally goes right!
Created: Mon Oct 8 07:14:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9meqpc/when_it_finally_goes_right/
So I had a goal of hitting a certain weight by yesterday for an event I've been looking forward to and y'all I'm not trying to brag but...

I. Made. It!!

Finally got that whoosh!! The dress I bought was too big!! My friend sent me some pictures from waiting before the show and I look cute and little... Not perfect yet but the dysmorphia has receded for a moment and I am enjoying it immensely. I can't believe it, I finally feel GOOD.

[Rant/Rave] There's hope
Created: Mon Oct 8 07:13:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9meqo0/theres_hope/
I have been binging for the past about 8 months and gained almost 50 lbs. But yesterday I fasted for 24 hours! Fasting is beautiful; I love fasting because it makes me feel warm and safe. Guys, I am so happy right now because I thought I was broken and some sort of fake pretending to have food issues. Like I go through rough periods of heavy restriction and b/p and then binge eating but I never feel that my food issues are legit unless I am actively losing weight/ calorie restricting. But i somehow still have it in me and yesterday/ early this morning is proof that i can for long periods without food.

Also, I learned that mom weights 1 lb less than me at my lowest weight last year. Which was so shocking because she and my sister use to make fun of me and the way clothes fitted me. Now i have proof that she was trying to sabotage me. Huh. People always tell me that I am reaching and that i look to deeply into things but I KNOW.

This is all motivational, you guys, cause my mom keeps knocking on my door telling to come out n eat, cooking with extra oil if she knows that I am going eat with them, and sneaking me junk food behind my sister back. My sister knows about my binge eating, so she tries to help considering my weight is out of control. My mother was trigger by her weight as well and she announced today in the morning that she wasnt going to fast food/bread/ deep fried foods. My mom loves me but shes messed up too. I know that she wants to be the thinnest out of the three. That's the 🍵🍵🍵.

So, I am going to try and beat my longest fast which is 5 days. I have snake juice all ready and Hulu/Showtime for entertainment when the boredom hits. I am going to try walk at least 2 hours a day and plank for 4 minutes total/per day. Also hopefully not poop my pants.

Family Birthday Anxiety
/u/pizzaneet [5'6 |CW 133 | BMI 21.4 | GW 115 | F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 07:09:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mepbt/family_birthday_anxiety/
It’s my mums birthday today, and because of that I’m being forced to go for a meal. I’m freaking out because there’s no way I’m going to be able to restrict today and it’s going to be the most I’ve eaten in months.

My extended family will be there too and I really can’t avoid eating around them or they’ll ask questions, plus they’ll be expecting me to drink too which is even more calories. They’ll probably be getting dessert too which I usually refuse but I know they’ll act weird with me if I refuse it today.

I already fucked up today by eating some oatmeal this morning so that’s 300 calories already, I’m going to cry

I’m so close to my goal and I’m going to mess it up because of dumb family expectations ugh

[Goal] Going to quit biscuits and chocolates from tomorrow onwards
Created: Mon Oct 8 07:04:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9meo1l/going_to_quit_biscuits_and_chocolates_from/
I never want to touch them again, at least for the time being. It is causing me to overeat more than I normally used to. It is so easy to get addicted to chocolates and biscuits.

Got me a free treat for my birthday at overpriced starbucks. 56 calories and a BUTTLOAD of splenda, because that's not a sweet tooth, that's a sweet jaw I have. (Repost cause the previous had a typo in the title)
/u/Arkhamgel [Height | 173| 27.7 | +22 | Male]
Created: Mon Oct 8 06:57:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9melzj/got_me_a_free_treat_for_my_birthday_at_overpriced/

How about this plan?
/u/Ednosonline [175 cm/5'9" | 65 kg/143,3 lbs | BMI 21,2 | -2 kg | Female]
Created: Mon Oct 8 06:52:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mekt9/how_about_this_plan/
I am currently aiming towards a BMI of <20. I dont think I've been there in 8 years or so, but it's only like 3 kg away (6 lbs?).

My current plan is this: lose 1 kg per month. Doing this by High restricting (1500 net calories) in the beginning of the month and then maintain. I am also flexitarian and doing keto.

I went below 64 kg today, meaning I already reached my October goal. And I am SO afraid of binging, I thought this might be an idea. Thoughts?

Why am I like this?
Created: Mon Oct 8 06:49:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mek4t/why_am_i_like_this/
Gym membership starts tomorrow and of course i get myself ready with a nice mid-afternoon binge :)))) Even though I promised myself that instead of eating when i’m bored, i’d spend my hours in the sauna/pool instead. Oh well, I guess there’s tomorrow.

I hate my life 😭

Feeling low.
Created: Mon Oct 8 06:49:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mek22/feeling_low/
My bf started dieting and so did I. He was 5,7 and 215lbs and works out everyday. Because of my job, I can't work out every day. I'm 5,5 and was as 119. Well today he weighed himself and he is 205...I'm only 112.8. I'm disappointed. He eats taco Bell and I've been on 350cal a day for the past week.

[Rant/Rave] I’m sensitive today, MFP, please fuck off to hell
/u/noroju17 [5'5 | 118 | 19.6 | 14.5 | f]
Created: Mon Oct 8 06:42:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9meicu/im_sensitive_today_mfp_please_fuck_off_to_hell/

[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! October 08, 2018
Created: Mon Oct 8 06:14:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mebf1/weekly_stats_update_october_08_2018/
This is the weekly status thread for October 08, 2018.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:


Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

Daily Food Diary! October 08, 2018
Created: Mon Oct 8 06:13:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mebdw/daily_food_diary_october_08_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for October 08, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Other] Got me a free bday treat from overpriced starbucks ! 56 calories and a BUTTLOAD of spends because at this point it's a sweet jaw I have, not a tooth :)
/u/Arkhamgel [Height | 173| 27.7 | +22 | Male]
Created: Mon Oct 8 05:39:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9me3jj/got_me_a_free_bday_treat_from_overpriced/

I just saw a woman with a BMI of 15/16 wearing the same coat that I, a woman with a BMI of 30, am wearing.
/u/goldmetalflowers [24F | 5'6 | CW:186 | LW:119 | GW1:155]
Created: Mon Oct 8 05:05:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mdwgw/i_just_saw_a_woman_with_a_bmi_of_1516_wearing_the/
Holy fuck I haven’t been this triggered in so long. I’m 63/120 into a fast so this has given me all the motivation I need to stick to my fast even though my legs are like jelly. Literally my exact same coat. Jesus Christ her legs were sooooo thin. Fuck me.

[Rant/Rave] Stopping antidepressants after 3 years and realizing I have become a fat fuck.
Created: Mon Oct 8 03:37:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mdf9d/stopping_antidepressants_after_3_years_and/
I recently stopped taking 15 mg of Cipralex (also known as Lexapro) that I had been taking for three years because I consider myself stable enough to do so. I am determined to not depend on them ever again. They make me lose interest in virtually anything, even if they did help with my suicidal thoughts in the beginning. But after a while, they actually began to transform me into this emotionally numb person, and I didn’t give a fuck about anything.
Especially not about weight.
Of course, what with me being in therapy, I told myself that I was being kind to myself, that I was accepting my body, that happiness was more important than my weight.
Now, it took three years of therapy to even be okay with myself and everything that had happened in my life. It was worth it, too - I am not depressed anymore, I don’t want to kill myself...
Buuut because these antidepressants made me feel less and less while I was taking them, I began to crave extremes, anything that would cause me to feel something, whatever it might be.
My life is pretty boring, so I resorted to eating. Specifically binge eating.
I wasn’t bulimic anymore, I didn’t purge, I didn’t do anything to keep myself from gaining weight. That’s what self love is all about, right? You eat intuitively or whatever.
I couldn’t do that, though, and so I kept on getting fatter. I binged almost every day for two years, thinking this was how normal people did it...

FYI, I’m 5’2 and a small person.
My HW was (and is, it’s also my CW) at around 176 lbs.
Even my doctor urged me to lose weight, and he was right to do so because I was (and still am...) medically overweight. Not by much, but the difference was pretty drastic.
I used to be somewhat skinny. 110 lbs at my LW in 2015, although back then, I aimed for an even lower number and wasn’t satisfied with that weight.
From 110lbs to 176 lbs. Wow.
Because of Cipralex, I suddenly didn’t mind anymore. I thought I was getting past all this disordered eating now that I was 21 and that I just liked food so much that I couldn’t control my portions, “I’m a foodie”, blah blah blah... I had so many excuses!
That’s the price of recovery. Weight gain. Pretty normal and to be expected. I actually didn’t care about my weight, even though I have always been pretty vain and a perfectionist and my ED was such a big part of me prior to therapy. I just cast that aside as some form of juvenile rebellion, as me acting out. Doesn’t everyone dabble in disordered eating at least once in their life?
And yes, sometimes I DID wonder where all my weight-related anxiety had gone to, but I didn’t really miss it, so I simply accepted this “new me”. I got fat. I ate whatever I wanted to.

Now that I have stopped taking antidepressants, however, my old self is slowly coming back to me. I appreciate every emotion I am capable of experiencing because I was numb for so long. I feel alive. I love life and all that. Everything is so much clearer and intense and wonderful.
I. Am. Livid.
It’s like some random person took control over my body for two years and wreaked havoc on it. I don’t recognize myself.
I am so fat. So fucking fat. How could I let this happen? How the fuck does self love correlate with weight gain? How could I make up so many excuses for myself? How could I NOT mind about my weight when in reality, I DO mind?
I went to a bar last saturday, and that’s when it hit me.
I was wearing a tight dress and hoping to flirt with the cute bartender, talking to my best friend and enjoying my night out. But since I gained so much fucking weight, I don’t look the way I did at 110 lbs anymore. Guys don’t look my way or even think about doing me. Mind you, it used to be the exact opposite: I got so many stares and compliments and phone numbers. That was three years ago. I went from being the cool, hot girl to being a pig. Realistically speaking, I did if course notice the steady weight gain, but it didn’t really get to me.
And so when I realized that the bartender was checking out my hot friend and not me, my heart started racing, I started to shake like I was about to have a panic attack, my sight went black.
The revelation hit me like a wrecking ball, so I excused myself to go to the bathroom and bawl my eyes out because I was so devastated. I am the one who let this happen. It’s entirely my fault. How could I let myself think I even deserved to go to a fancy bar in a motherfucking bodycon dress with an ugly ass pixie cut that makes me look even fatter than I already am.
I know that I sound like a stuck up girl who’s conceited to no end and like I can’t deal with not being in the spotlight for once in my life, but this change is so hard to get used to. I feel like I was asleep this whole time I was on antidepressants and I just woke up. And only now do I realize that I still care about my looks, contrary to whatever lie I fed myself to get away with eating too much... I feel like the antidepressants merely “suppressed” my ED.

And because the only thing I know of to make myself feel better about this is to lose that weight extremely quick, I am back to purging, fasting and restricting.
I truly don’t know how else to cope, so down the rabbit hole I go...

It happened again.
Created: Mon Oct 8 03:37:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mdf8h/it_happened_again/
I stayed under 500cal yesterday, it was a fresh start. I was happy, energetic, friendly.

This morning I woke up with 3 chocolate bar packages, I don't even remember eating them. Now I'll just go order burgers and shit and hate myself even more.

[Discussion] Keto + restricting
/u/subarremos [5'3 | CW: 99 | GW: 88]
Created: Mon Oct 8 03:20:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mdc6n/keto_restricting/
So, I once tried keto, but cheated so much I ended up gaining, but my dad started doing it right and he has lost like 4 kilos in two weeks (goals). I kinda want to try it again while restricting the calories as always.
Has anyone done keto while restricting? What was your experience?

People that used to have back fat and fat arms, did restricting fix it or did you have to do certain exercises?
Created: Mon Oct 8 03:13:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mdb0d/people_that_used_to_have_back_fat_and_fat_arms/

Shit, I'm fucked. Purged for the first time in 9 years two days ago and now can't stop.
/u/InTheGecko [172cm (5'6) | 61.5kg (135lbs) | BMI: 20.6 | -12.5kg | F | 23yo]
Created: Mon Oct 8 02:45:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9md62q/shit_im_fucked_purged_for_the_first_time_in_9/
When I was 14 I purged so much that I threw up blood and it scared me enough to make me swear I'd never do it again. Two days ago at work my manager told me I looked bloated and pregnant in my tights (after I ate a 400cal burrito omad) and I immediately excused myself and vomited my guts out in the work bathroom. I've thrown up everything I've eaten since. I fucking love it. It's like an irl ctrl-z. I don't have much of an appetite anymore since I don't want to purge. I'm so fucked though, I know it's gonna get really bad now. I hate myself. Wish me luck lmao

[Discussion] I’m never hungry anymore..
Created: Mon Oct 8 02:43:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9md5s1/im_never_hungry_anymore/
I love it and fear it at the same time. I feel light, dainty, and so out of it sometimes I can’t form a coherent sentence, but in my head, it’s worth feeling like this and having more “confidence.” I don’t want to die and I know I have to feed myself... but I hardly ever get hungry anymore and it’s starting to scare me. My diet is 87% liquids and I’m usually under 600-800 calories but I burn 400+ from working out everyday. In my head and heart I know how wrong it is and how people would kill to eat the food I have available to me whenever but I just can’t help it. I’m sick. My heart goes out to everyone in this sub because we’re all struggling with a fucking illness a lot of people don’t understand/don’t care about enough to even TRY to understand what we’re going through and dealing with, or just simply look the other way. I love you all and even if you feel like you don’t matter, you do. You matter. We’ll get through this.

Have been fasting for 3 days now and all I want is bread
Created: Mon Oct 8 02:33:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9md3yp/have_been_fasting_for_3_days_now_and_all_i_want/
Woot woot

^just ^7 ^more ^days

[Goal] i was feeling so discouraged and frustrated, and sometimes i cant even tell if im losing weight and question if this is worth it. but this side by side made me feel a little better.
Created: Mon Oct 8 02:30:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9md3j2/i_was_feeling_so_discouraged_and_frustrated_and/

[Help] Thoughts on a weekly 2000 calorie binge?
/u/lostandlonley333 [5"2 | CW:108 | 19.9 | -30.6| F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 02:21:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9md214/thoughts_on_a_weekly_2000_calorie_binge/
So for background, I eat 1000 calories a day on average and for the past couple of months usually slip up once or twice a week and eat 2000-2500 which is always followed by a fast the next day.
Is it safe to continue doing this or should I try cut out the binges. Sometimes I can rack up to 3000 if im stoned cause I lose control but I always even out the calories with fasts and have been consistently losing weight.

Are these sort of 'binges' actually helpful in weight loss or will this catch up to me if I keep doing it?

[Other] Incredibly relatable 🤷🏻‍♀️
Created: Mon Oct 8 02:07:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mczt0/incredibly_relatable/

[Other] What I think I look like since my brother said I gained weight. Gotta start restricting again.
Created: Mon Oct 8 02:05:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mczcn/what_i_think_i_look_like_since_my_brother_said_i/

[Other] Almost fainted three times today
/u/ImmediateAlien [5'3 | 104.7 lbs | GW 99 lbs | BMI: 19 | F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 01:20:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mcrfy/almost_fainted_three_times_today/
Three fucking times. First on the bus, after walking 12000 steps while fasting, had to get off because my vision was cloudy/with black spots. Was close to home but decided to stop for food. Bad idea, almost fainted again waiting in line to pay. Had to go out really quickly and sit on the floor and breath. I get home, exhausted, and when I started climbing the stairs (3 floors awaited me) I almost passed out again. Boyfriend picked me up and carried me the three floors.
Now I feel really binges and I wanna justify my eating because I was sick, like my body deserves it. But I’m not underweight yet so I feel like a total failure. Don’t even know if I should eat at all tomorrow, low restrict, high restrict or just binge. Fml.

'No one cares about you when you're fat'
Created: Mon Oct 8 01:04:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mcod6/no_one_cares_about_you_when_youre_fat/
I keep thinking that... My mum doesn't seem to care at all that I don't eat during the day and then end up binging at night. Or that I go days just eating tiny portions. She actually said to me before, 'so you don't eat during the day and then you just don't stop eating at night?' I didn't even know how to respond. My mum knows that my dad used to shame me for eating and tell me how ugly I was through out my whole childhood. So why did she look so bewildered when I say, 'can you please not say things like that'. I then tried explaining it to her, 'I feel really ashamed when I eat, I hate people knowing that I'm eating'. All she could say was, 'WHY?!'. Even when I was bulimic she always said, 'what a waste of food!'

Am I just being over sensitive?

[Tip] How I stay “positive”
/u/miserablemei [Height: 5’1| CW: 158 |SW: 168| Female]
Created: Mon Oct 8 00:33:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mcipm/how_i_stay_positive/
Sometimes I think, maybe I’m not fat, however I just have fat on me. I as a person am everything I want, but not the way I look. The only thing stopping me from being the best me, is my fat. Even if it’s untrue that sort of thinking has helped me fast for days on end on box of green tea and a gallon of water a day.

[Other] wtf
/u/aha98 [160cm CW: ~129lbs LW: ~115lbs GW: 105lbs F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 00:29:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mchs7/wtf/
I just binged on tomatoes, broth, eggs and protein powder because I had nothing else at home. Stayed under 500 calories though.

[Rant/Rave] so i just had fresh baked bread
/u/happyplantlover [5'8 | CW:114lbs | GW: 112lbs | -25 lbs | F20]
Created: Mon Oct 8 00:20:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mcg33/so_i_just_had_fresh_baked_bread/
for the first time in like a YEAR and holy shit it is like i forgot how amazing non-rice cake carbs taste like. that is all.

also managed to have only ONE bite and I have no idea where the control came from

[Rant/Rave] Fat Free Reddi-wip saved my marriage
/u/icthaine [🌾 5'8" | CW 156.5 | -15.5 | 23M | New in town ]
Created: Sun Oct 7 23:48:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mc9ib/fat_free_reddiwip_saved_my_marriage/
Title is misleading, sorry. Fat Free Reddi-wip saved my *life*, which in turn preserved my current engagement.

Made an account just to post this. Shit's 5 cal for 2 tablespoons. That's 10 for a quarter cup. 185 and a slight nitrous high for the entire can if you absolutely destroy it all in one go. Maybe I'm a rube but I cannot tell the difference between this delight and full fat whip.

Put it on berries for berries and cream, a dessert you only remember from a dream or that one time your parents took you to the Pancake House. Give your Halo Top a fun topping and extra dimension so you don't eat the whole goddamn pint. Freeze it in individual squirts for meringues to add to hot cocoa or coffee or tea for the cutest little fall drink. Fill up a little container and freeze it for the lightest, cheapest, lowest calorie, 40cal/cup ice cream that still tastes like cream and sugar. Spray it on your nips for the start to a sexy evening. Christen your kid with it.

I know it's been posted about before, but I need people to understand my personal exuberance. I'm going on an FFRW (Fat Free Reddi-wip) mono diet that's 185 calories a day of me spraying the whole can directly into my gullet. I'm so enamoured I could die, but I'd come back to life for the chance to taste it just one more time.

Even at my lowest weight, my bone structure meant I never look "petite". "
/u/deathsultimatestan [5'5 | CW 96 | HW150 | BMI 16.2 | 19F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 23:30:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mc5sv/even_at_my_lowest_weight_my_bone_structure_meant/
I was basically 95 pounds at my lowest weight and I still couldn't achieve the tiny waist / small shoulders because of how my frame is build. My shape is just rectangular, so yes I had a thigh gap, but nothing like those tiny waisted models you see as poster ED girls. And it just sucks to put in months starving yourself and you still look shapeless. Now I'm trying to lose again after forced gain and exercise but I remember that disappointment...

Thank you, skeleton, for being so wide... :|

[Rant/Rave] Guess who is currently binging on beef jerky and French bread?
Created: Sun Oct 7 22:53:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mby7a/guess_who_is_currently_binging_on_beef_jerky_and/
This girl! I already feel really disgusting 🙃🙂🙃🙂

keto breath, a pox upon thine house
Created: Sun Oct 7 22:49:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mbx8f/keto_breath_a_pox_upon_thine_house/
as if i didn't smell bad enough given my constant smoking, lack of showering, persistent aura of malease, absurd coffee consumption, and frequent vinegar drinking, you decide to give me an indomitable halitosis that knows not the masters of peppermints, toothpaste, tic tacs, or gum.

who knew that it's better to eat a fucking bulb of garlic than to not eat anything.

my boyfriend won't kiss me.

send help.

the all or nothing mindset
Created: Sun Oct 7 22:42:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mbvns/the_all_or_nothing_mindset/
I either starve myself or go on a full on binge (this is the biggest one). If I mess up on a Monday I see it as if I've ruined the entire week and I don't even try for the rest of the week. I either don't drink or drink until I pass out. When I was in college, I would either go to all of my classes, try my best and get straight As or I would miss them altogether. My room is always either super clean or a complete mess. Can anybody relate?

[Help] I can't gain weight?..
Created: Sun Oct 7 22:41:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mbvm3/i_cant_gain_weight/
I have been trying to gain weight for weeks now, but I just can't do it? Most of the times I would feel really ill and not ready to eat for the next day or two, but even after forcing myself to eat something and trying to keep everything inside of me I would still be unable to gain weight..

My arms are pretty thin/boney as is and I don't know what to do anymore? Also how could I somewhat train my body to not feel ill after eating?

So I passed out on my birthday
/u/JayLenoBlows [trans girl | 6’ | GW120 | flabby skeleton]
Created: Sun Oct 7 22:07:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mbo5z/so_i_passed_out_on_my_birthday/

I can tell I'm still getting sicker and sicker because my cheeks get more and more hollow but my body dysmorphia gets worse and worse, I'm eating nothing and feeling full but I like it because I can use that motivation to lose more weight because I'm such a piece of shit that I somehow manage to look flabby and overweight while I'm under a healthy weight by a good margin. I refuse to weigh myself because I have such a feeling of self loathing and dread of what it'll read even though logically I know I'm still losing. Fuck me and fuck my life

[Discussion] What do you think triggered you into this mess?
Created: Sun Oct 7 22:07:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mbo1l/what_do_you_think_triggered_you_into_this_mess/
Ok so I want to get this off my chest before I forget: my initial trigger was comparing myself to others. I have an extremely perfectionist personality, so when combined with inherent self-deprecation and high expectations, results in self-harming behaviors. I cant stop my eating disorder because I dont feel good enough. Every time I see someone my age or gender thinner than me I cant help but feel incompetent, that im not doing something right. I hear some people tell other girls "You're so skinny! You look so bony!", yet rarely does anyone tell me that. Most people think I have an average build (though on the slimmer side), neither extremely thin or fat... that is what angers me the most. I want to be called thin by strangers, friends...I want the first thought in people's minds to be "wow, that girl is so skinny! I wish I looked like that!" That. Is. What. Kills. Me.

[Tip] How do I break a plateau?
/u/LynCross [152.5cm | BMI: 24.4 | CW: 125lbs | GW: 110 lbs| UGW: 100 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 21:55:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mbldj/how_do_i_break_a_plateau/
This is driving me crazy. I'm just waiting for the swoosh but it's been days. My weight has been playing around 57-59kg.
I've read that people break it by eating normally for a day. Will that really break it? Will it end up as fat? I won't be able to take that.

Also, what is a maintenance?

[Discussion] What's your favorite protein bar? Suggestions.
Created: Sun Oct 7 21:53:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mbksl/whats_your_favorite_protein_bar_suggestions/

[Help] I’m having a hard time believing tea or diet sodas are actually 0 calories?
/u/aliswho [Height: 5’9.5” | CW: 127.1lbs | GW: 99lbs | BMI: 18.7 | 16F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 21:43:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mbin1/im_having_a_hard_time_believing_tea_or_diet_sodas/
They’re just both so good. Diet Pepsi is awesome but I’m scared to drink more than one a day because it might lead to weight gain, anyone else? Is it possible? Same with tea. It just tastes so good.

i'd do well in this family
Created: Sun Oct 7 21:34:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mbgjr/id_do_well_in_this_family/
Maybe some of you have seen this vid, but I just felt like I had to put it out there. The whole time I was just shaking at how much it felt like an ED fever dream.


DAE eat baby food?
Created: Sun Oct 7 21:29:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mbfgp/dae_eat_baby_food/
I eat pureed baby food every day and a lot of toddler snacks. They are so low in calories while still giving me a little bit of nutrition. The only part is how hard it is to hide it from people. I end up pouring the puree into a small Tupperware and telling people its pudding or something normal... Feel a bit ashamed of it, but very curious if anyone else does this.

Can't stop binging
Created: Sun Oct 7 21:25:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mbeni/cant_stop_binging/
I started a food diary this week. My weight's been the same for a year even though I feel like I'm always trying. Turns out I binge on more days than I don't. This week was especially bad. I'm fine during the day, and tell myself I'll make up for yesterday, but late at night I eat like 1000+ calories and go to bed feeling gross as hell. Then wake up, rinse, repeat. It's a wonder I'm not even fatter than I already am...

What should I do?

[Other] Idea for diet pills that actually work [joke]
/u/bingeyboa [5'0" | 98 | 19.1 | -19 | F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 21:19:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mbd6q/idea_for_diet_pills_that_actually_work_joke/
So we all know an actual diet pill doesn't really exist, but I swear, I wish someone would make an all-in-one ana-in-a-bottle pill with magnesium, potassium, and sodium + caffeine, iron, B12, and melatonin so we could all just fast forever...

For the real hard-core types, you could get the kind that comes with an ECA stack...


It would be a MASSIVE pill.

Exercise during weight restoration?
Created: Sun Oct 7 20:52:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mb6t7/exercise_during_weight_restoration/
Hi y'all,

I am a 5'6, 20 year-old female who currently weighs around 106 lbs. I recently began the weight restoration process, and am hoping to return to what I weighed before I began restricting/overexercising, which was around 115-120.


I am currently working with a dietician, and have increased my caloric intake. I was told to lay off the cardio (I was previously HIIT training 5-6 days per week), but I am extremely interested in resistance training. I am hoping that, along with fat, I can rebuild some of the muscle I lost through malnourishment.


My question is-- at my current weight, is exercise recommended? Do any of you have experience with exercise during weight restoration? I find that it is easier for me to eat more if I lift for even \~30 min, but want to make sure I'm not sabotaging my efforts to get healthy.


Thanks!! :)

[Help] How can I stop my night eating?
Created: Sun Oct 7 20:26:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mb0ap/how_can_i_stop_my_night_eating/

I’m back at square 1. I’m huge again. I can’t get back on track. I usually b/p a few times a week, but I haven’t even done that in over a week. I restrict all day for the most part, like literally eat nothing. Just drink G2 or water or vitamin water 0. But at night after I take my sleeping meds I can’t settle down until I eventually eat. Or I’ll wake up and get food half asleep and eat it like WHILE I’m sleeping. This has been an ongoing issue for like 3 years now but it’s at it’s worst now.

[Rant/Rave] Ughhh two day binge
Created: Sun Oct 7 20:26:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mb072/ughhh_two_day_binge/
I’ve been good about the binges, but the past two days? Oof. I gained a lot of weight over the summer and I’m trying to lose it all but I feel like I’m such a fat pig. I hope when I get back home for thanksgiving the scale gives me some relief.

[Discussion] Is there an ED meal prep sub?
Created: Sun Oct 7 19:53:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mas25/is_there_an_ed_meal_prep_sub/
In an attempt to save money and time and have another activity together, my partner and I are planning to start meal prepping next week. EXCEPT he's like 110 and needs to gain weight and I Do Not Need That, but he wants us to eat the same or similar foods (both because he thinks it'll help me recover and because he just likes the solidarity factor). So...I'm not exactly looking forward to that. The eating part of it, at least.

If this sub doesn't exist, does anyone have suggestions for handling this? Uuugghhhhh

[Help] This disorder is hell
/u/ihate-chicken [5’7” | CW:116 | 18.1 |]
Created: Sun Oct 7 19:36:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mao33/this_disorder_is_hell/
I hate this fucking disorder. I hate this fucking disorder.

I just sat in my bed for two hours crying. I had a panic attack after dinner today because I ate a little bit of ice cream after not eating anything all day and working out for two hours.

THIS ISNT RATIONAL. But I legitimately could not stop myself from thinking it was the end of the world. I still feel like shit and I don’t want to eat for days. Why can’t I be normal. My friends had ice cream and I can hear them laughing in the room next door. I had ice cream and I’m going to bed at 8:30 and not finishing my homework because I am just so damn upset.

I want help. I don’t want help. I don’t know what to do.

i've never successfully purged before; tips please!
Created: Sun Oct 7 19:32:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9man0i/ive_never_successfully_purged_before_tips_please/
im really annoyed because lately ive been having awful binges where i would just eat until i can barely breathe regularly, the only thing that stops me is my eating window (I do IF) and i proceed to try to purge and end up just standing over the toilet, gagging a few times and with saliva running down my arm for 10 minutes but nothing else.

i need tips for purging, please! i am tired of being nauseous every time i binge (which is..... almost every night)

[Discussion] Nosebleeds from purging
Created: Sun Oct 7 19:30:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mammb/nosebleeds_from_purging/
I purged the last few days and when I blew my nose after it was a little bloody, but today I ended my purging and I looked down and saw blood on my shirt and I blew my nose and there was a lot of blood. Is this normal and does this happen to anyone else? I never get nosebleeds so it’s kind of alarming

I got lost in a binge cycle...
Created: Sun Oct 7 19:24:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mal4r/i_got_lost_in_a_binge_cycle/
Probably after a fast or birthday or something where I said just one more bite, you already ate. Every time I thought about eating less again I freaked out and got super anxious!! I’m now redirecting it and using it as motivation to fast/restrict. I feel so sick all the time. My stomach is constantly upset from overeating and heartburn. I just want it to stop. I just want to feel good

[Other] A moment of silence for all Canadians with ED's tonight
/u/skeletonsofawhale [5'2| 130| -55 | 18F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 19:17:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9majer/a_moment_of_silence_for_all_canadians_with_eds/
Whether you have Anorexia, BED, Bulimia, or EDNOS, Thanksgiving is literally hell on earth for people with eating disorders. I'm fortunate enough to be co-hosting so I have all my meals planned out, and later on I'm literally going to cut everything up, weigh out my portions and pre-stir"fry" my veggies tonight with water to avoid any potential oil. If all goes well, I'm set to only be having 860 cals tomorrow but tbh I'm going to try to hit 1000 or even 1200 tomorrow bc they will probably force me to try the other shit, and I'll probably attempt purging for the first time ever (I have mild emetophobia) on top of all that as well. It will not be a fun day for me. I've been stressing out over this shit for weeks on end and I even had a full-on anxiety attack 3 nights ago while planning out the meal at 2:00 AM. I should consider myself lucky because I have a great family, I only have 1 event to cook and host for, and it's a small gathering, but I actually really want to fucking die right now.


But for others, I'm sure some of you have dysfunctional families, and you might have to go to multiple events, and have to deal with shitty people. Not everyone got to plan out their meals, not everyone gets to weigh out their portions and pre-cook the night before, and for the bingers in here, I'm sure that this is also going to be an extremely hard holiday for y'all as well. Hang in there everyone!

[Help] US vs Europe/UK ‘ed products’ like Bronkaid?
Created: Sun Oct 7 19:10:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mahwo/us_vs_europeuk_ed_products_like_bronkaid/
What useful ‘ed stuff’ (like Bronkaid) does the US have that Ireland doesn’t (think UK/Europe)?

A lovely friend from the US is sending me a care package that includes Bronkaid and chocolate lax so far but I need some other ideas for this rare opportunity!

Her other idea is vegan snacks (she knows I’m vegan & gluten intolerant), which I’ll save for special occasions.

I’m trying to think of what over the counter stuff exists in the US that’s not allowed here... or just weight loss products in general that we don’t have. Even food suggestions are ok if it’s something ‘ed-compatible’ (if that makes any sense).

[Discussion] Foods that make you feel full but not bloated?
Created: Sun Oct 7 19:04:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mag6n/foods_that_make_you_feel_full_but_not_bloated/
Lately, I've been feeling bloated after everything I eat. I don't know what it is but I hate feeling "full"/bloated/uncomfortable stomach. The foods that I eat most often are lots of tomatoes, bread stuffs/grains, sometimes carrots, sometimes meat, and other less common things.

I want to have a really flat stomach, like when you fast for a day or two, so I'll eat any nutrient dense food that more or less makes you full ish. I just don't know which foods that includes. T.i.a!

Yesterday I had a fantastic day. Today I turned it all to shit again.
Created: Sun Oct 7 18:35:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ma9g8/yesterday_i_had_a_fantastic_day_today_i_turned_it/
I just don’t understand. I went for a run yesterday, had a good OMAD and it was perfect.

Today I went for a run and I got so stressed with studying that I decided to do my OMAD earlier but then it snowballed into a really awful binge. I’m so thirsty but I’m too full to drink water.

I don’t know what I want anyone to say to me I just need to talk to people who can understand.

I hate myself. I’m so tired of fucking up like this. My New Years resolution was recovery and I’m still pulling this stupid shit all the time. Fuck me man, I want to be someone else.

[Discussion] BDD or Delusion?.
Created: Sun Oct 7 18:25:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ma70r/bdd_or_delusion/
Okay like I have horrible body dysmorphia but everytime I'm at the doctor they use the children's blood pressure cuff and the nurse is like "you have tiny arms!" but I don't? And that's not just my warped self image speaking. It's make me wonder if I'm much smaller than I see myself even normally.

[Tip] Food for thought
/u/thingsarestranger [5’2” | CW:121 | GW1:115 | SW:160 | F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 18:16:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ma4lv/food_for_thought/
One day or day one, you decide.

[Help] HELP! What do I order from bakery?!
Created: Sun Oct 7 18:05:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ma1vz/help_what_do_i_order_from_bakery/
Mum is taking me out for lunch today at a local bakery (menu attached). They literally only have pies and stuff and I have no clue what to order. Whats my best option in terms of lowest in calories?
Count out the zucchini slice cause she knows about my ED and will get suspicious if I order that cause I hate them.


Created: Sun Oct 7 17:47:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m9xhx/conflicting/
Today is the anniversary of my fathers death. I have 0 appetite rn because of that sadness in my gnawing stomach. Too bad I’ve got an important tournament today :))

I’ll use this as motivation to well in the tournament, I want to do well for him.

today, i'm the heaviest i've ever been in my life.
Created: Sun Oct 7 16:35:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m9f4l/today_im_the_heaviest_ive_ever_been_in_my_life/
brb, killing myself before i can get any fatter.

this shit is a runaway train. i thought i was doing *better* these past weeks and resisted weighing myself. i'm now officially obese.

idk whether to blame depression or bingeing anymore, it's all blended together for me.

Why do you want to be skinny/thin?
/u/invincibletitan33 [5'4.5 | 52kg | F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 16:13:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m99g4/why_do_you_want_to_be_skinnythin/
Most of us have a reason/motivation for being thin.

Mine is I feel like if I'm skinnier, all my problems will get solved - people will like me more, I'll have more confidence, my money problems won't exist, and my family will go back to normal (my dad has Alzheimer's).

I know in reality, this isn't the case. But still, I just feel like being skinny would make my life a whole lot better.

Talked to my therapist...
Created: Sun Oct 7 16:05:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m976z/talked_to_my_therapist/
I see my therapist pretty regularly, and I've been seeing him for a couple years and have always really liked him.

At the beginning of our session I explained to him my relapse into self harm/depression/disordered eating, told him what I thought the issues were (missing my internship squad and the freedom I had there).

Then he tried to help in the ways he normally tries to help. Suggested a bunch of options, some logical reasons I should stop, and everything like normal. But for some reason I was just SO ANNOYED.

Like I couldn't handle it so annoyed.

I'm considering cancelling our next session because I'm so annoyed with it.

I don't know why or what to do.

The eating holidays...
Created: Sun Oct 7 16:01:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m95yd/the_eating_holidays/
Does anyone else take thanksgiving and the other eating holidays, (Christmas, Halloween, etc) as fasting days? I feel like now that I’m an adult and can control my diet, I might as well also relax for the holidays.
Anyway, excited to hear what you all think!

[Rant/Rave] Two day bender
Created: Sun Oct 7 15:45:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m91mf/two_day_bender/
I went two days eating whatever I fucking wanted and now I’m legit sick and I went from 198 back to 200 I’ll end my shit if it isn’t just water weight lmao. I’ve been doing so good being vegan and shut but now I ruined it bc I wanted to get drunk. Anyways I haven’t eaten anything today to try and counter what I fucked up we shall see

I really think this is going to kill me (possible tw suicide)
/u/cherrycar [5'7 | CW too high | GW 108 | F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 15:26:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m8wkg/i_really_think_this_is_going_to_kill_me_possible/
Hi everyone,

I just need to get some stuff off my chest so this is that haha. Ever since my ed started I've known I would never feel normal again but I didn't realize how bad it would be. I thought it would just be around food and stuff, which I can deal with I guess because in today's society everyone is fucking dieting anyway so whatever. But I didnt have a clue about all the other stuff that came with it, specifically anxiety, depression, and all the other fucking misery. There's not a moment that I'm not beating myself up in my head about how ugly I am, how dumb I sound when I talk, how much everyone is probably judging me and how much they can't stand me and how much my friends probably wish I wouldn't bother them anymore...

So then I isolate. Which, honestly, I like being alone. But the problem is, it seems like everyone else my age thrives on spending time with others and doing things as much as possible, and so when I continuously turn things down because of whatever reason (it involves food, or I just feel like a burden, or whatever) then it becomes a problem. But I can't break the cycle no matter how hard I try, because I feel like I'd rather cause myself pain by isolating and being lonely, than annoy others with my presence.

And the anxiety is crippling, specifically health anxiety. I have so many symptoms of different things and I am not sure if it's due to restriction (which is not super low in terms of amount rn but I'll go long-ish periods of time without eating...but eventually I get a decent amount of calories in. I'm like, people do IF and supposedly super healthy so i'm fine right!!?? right...lol) I'm worried my electrolytes, blood sugar, etc. are fucked, but then I keep NOT DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT like wtf. GET it together girl. The thing is I don't want to accept that it could be from not eating (bc i do not want to eat outside of my comfortable times and amounts and shit, you guys get it haha) but I don't know how to deal with the anxiety...every feeling I'm like oh god, is my heart finally giving out? Is it a stroke? Etc etc...ugh.

I really don't know what to do anymore. Every day I cry because I feel so ugly and sad, like I'll just look at a cute guy and it'll make me sad because I know no one will ever love me. Or i'll see a pretty girl and think wow I'll never look like her, I should just die because I'm so fucking hideous, I feel bad for all these people who have to look at me, thank god I can't see my face all the time.

Not a day goes by where I don't think about how much easier it would be for everyone if I wasn't around anymore. And yeah, I had my low moments before my ed but I really think all the anxiety started when everyone started telling me I was killing myself and I would die if I didn't recover. I just don't know what to do anymore.


If anyone read all this, thank you haha. I just needed to get it off my chest :)

Who's had a rough day today? (Trigger Warning - cptsd and assault)
Created: Sun Oct 7 15:23:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m8vun/whos_had_a_rough_day_today_trigger_warning_cptsd/
So this has been a tough week for sure. Recovering from a concussion at work where I sadly had to quit. Lots of other stuff going on.

Anyways... Today I had mentally prepared for to eat anything because this was the first time in two months I was going to see a friend and he took me to lunch. Good guy. But when he kept bringing up an assault that happened a while ago I couldn't focus so I went to the bathroom to throw up. I never do that, I only restrict.

I come back to the half of the food I haven't puked and he's trying to help, I know. He wants to put a hurt on the bastard but after all the BS I had to endure from the police etc it's hard. Keep in mind there's police in the place were dining in and I'm already nervous and trying not to cry or make a scene. Then he asks for more proof in order to get him permanently banned from some social circles and I lose it. I know he believes me, that isn't the issue. I just don't feel comfortable giving out my police report so just anyone could read it. It felt like the incident all over again.

So I left. And walked. On a highway in the pouring rain in my flip flops (such an idiot lol) and I was dizzy and lightheaded enough. Couldn't walk the 12+ miles so eventually I called my bf. I just feel terrible.

All I want is some control. My bf wants me to eat. Made me eat to 870 last night and I did. I should be taking better care of myself but I can't. I just won't. I don't feel like I deserve it.

Now he's making burgers and I made sure to puke up the rest of what I had so I can at least see him smile. All I wanted was a normal day. Since my head injury I've felt so out of it and feel crazy. It isn't my fault. It isn't. But why do I feel like it is? I'm so alone. The only one person who cares and has my back is my bf. I don't want to make him not like me because I'm "too much to handle".

So who else just needs to have a break? Or just wants to vent? Or yell? I know I'm not the only one who just wants to run away. On a good note I've lost 10 llbs in a week.

(Thanks for reading and I'm sorry if I messed up spelling. This took a long time to wrote bc it's hard to look at a screen)

[Other] Fiber + Empty Stomach = Hell; TMI Warning
/u/TinyPorcelainDoll [25♀|4'10"|CW 121 lbs|HW 130|LW 97|UGW 86]
Created: Sun Oct 7 15:17:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m8u8b/fiber_empty_stomach_hell_tmi_warning/
I'm posting this from my workplace bathroom as a possible warning.

I had skipped breakfast this morning and was hoping to skip lunch, but didn't because one of my coworkers was in the break room, and asked me, "Aren't you going to eat?"

So I bought a Fiber One bar from a vending machine. Within less than an hour of me eating it, I felt nauseous. So I kept running back and forth to the bathroom a few times before this last trip to the bathroom, informing my coworkers that I was feeling ill. [Graphic TMI Warning]

I have tried having BMs for the past hour for them to be very painfully slow and difficult. And as I try to have my BMs, I feel even more nauseous as I ... push. I feel I cannot wait another hour on the toilet. This is ridiculous.

Update: I actually vomited and didn't force it. As soon as I was freshening up and getting ready to leave the toilet, I vomited acrid clear and whitish fluid with a few specks of red.

Possible factors:
1. I ate a fiber bar on an empty stomach.
2. I took two birth control pills on an empty stomach this morning. (I had accidentally skipped yesterday's pill.)
3. I had a spicy, heavy-ish dinner (andouille jambalaya) with a glass of red wine last night.
4. I am about 11 days into forced antidepressant withdrawal. (The next available doctor's appointment is in November).

[Rant/Rave] I just have to laugh
/u/whitechocolateonly [5'8" | CW: 128.2 & BMI: 19.5 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 15:05:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m8quh/i_just_have_to_laugh/
Not really ED related (but maybe ED adjacent?)

My mom got scammed out of $120 by ordering those deherb “detox” pills and I just find it hilarious. She’s always getting on me about my diets, health, and how I “live off carbs” but this fool who worked in healthcare for YEARS helping insurance holders meet health goals insists that this cleanse will help her lose 20lbs. I read the directions and it said to follow an all raw food diet for the duration of the cleanse so it’s not the pills making her lose weight but she refuses to admit she wasted money. She keeps insisting it’s the pills. Out of all the wacko/quick fix/cleanse diets my mom has tried over the past 15 years this one sent me over the edge.

It’s just really amazing to me that people would rather spend hundreds of dollars to magically “cleanse” their body of fat than eat less of the food they’re already eating. Listen I might be sick but at least part of my brain lives in reality and I’m not letting myself get scammed.

I can't eat and I'm losing weight
Created: Sun Oct 7 14:31:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m8h3w/i_cant_eat_and_im_losing_weight/
I don't think I have an eating disorder but I definitely need help. I've been off work since August with depression/stress however my appetite has literally disappeared. I've been to the doctors about it (UK) and asked if they can help with my eating and the straight up said no. I've lost 7 pounds within a week and I genuinely felt like I'd been doing better with eating this week. I just feel like I'm alone and nothing will ever change. I like the thought of food but when I feel hungry and start eating my stomach feels like it wants to reject the food. I feel a bit sick and it makes me waste the rest of the meal because even the smell of it at that point makes me nauseous. I've tried protein drinks to try and gain weight and get some nutrients etc but I feel sick after a few sips. It's like my stomach cannot hold much more than 1 small apple a day. I'm 20 and have dropped down to 49kg. My family and boyfriend are all aware and try get me to eat more but this has gone on for so long now that I'm starting to worry about my health and my GP will not get involved. No one takes me too seriously because I'm skinny and generally people want to lose weight not bitch about losing it or want to gain it. Anyone's thoughts on this would really be appreciated!

Feeling gross
Created: Sun Oct 7 14:27:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m8fr1/feeling_gross/
At my parents house with my fiancé for the weekend. We have been just eating and eating and not really moving around. I go to the gym almost every day and not being able to go is stressing me out. My fiancé and I are supposed to drive back home any time now and I’m just sitting here anxious wondering what I’ll make for dinner and if I will still have the energy/willpower to work out when we get home. My engagement ring is tighter today from all of the salt and it’s really messing with my head.

ED and brittle nails... arghhh
Created: Sun Oct 7 14:13:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m8bk3/ed_and_brittle_nails_arghhh/
my nails keep breaking off and it’s so freaking annoying. i use to eat below 800 but now i’m actually trying to gain a little weight back and have been eating over a thousand calories. however my nails are still breaking off... what can i do??? multi vitamins don’t seem to be helping either.

[Discussion] The scale game
/u/castingsessionpod [5'10" | CW: 185?| UGW: 160 | Male]
Created: Sun Oct 7 13:49:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m84hz/the_scale_game/
So as you can see from my flair, I don't even know my exact weight right now. I've gone through so many phases of how I use a scale. (3 times a day, once a day, once a week, only when fasting, etc. etc. etc.) most recently I've just refused to get on even though I've been restricting and losing weight.

I'm curious to hear what everyone's approach is and why they think it helps or they like it. Also welcome is anyone talking about their issues with weighing themselves obv.

[Rant/Rave] A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down
Created: Sun Oct 7 13:36:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m80nt/a_spoonful_of_sugar_helps_the_medicine_go_down/
So I'm ill. Like coughing up a lung, massive headache, slept for 18 hours yesterday, sore throat, fever, all that jazz ill. No problem. I'll take DayQuil move along. I've been on it for the past couple days, every 4-6 hours like clockwork. Except I just now thought to google the calories in DayQuil. 90 CALORIES PER SERVING. OH MY GOD. Guess I'll just die...

[Help] Fantasizing about going back
/u/fish110 [5'4"|CW125|GW110|F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 13:35:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m80az/fantasizing_about_going_back/
I can;t stop fantasizing about going back in time and not going down this path. It started out as worrying about acne from puberty (looking back now it was barely anything), then the acne spread to my back and chest, then to compulsive skin picking took over. I gained 15 pounds over the last year and now I can't stop thinking about food, I don't know whether I should eat, and I dream about starving and going back to how I was before. Every second of the day I am thinking about the past. Like I would see a video on youtube and be like "oh, i wish I could travel back to when this video was posted because I was skinny back then blah blah blah..." It's killing me and I can't do anything about it. I literally search up movie release dates and actor's ages so that I can think "Oh i wanna trAvel back to when that actor was 15" or I want to travel back "towhen that movie was released." I don't know how to stop. I'm stuck in the past.

the scariest stage of a restrictive pattern: disinterest in food
Created: Sun Oct 7 13:20:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m7vqo/the_scariest_stage_of_a_restrictive_pattern/
I've relapsed since attempted recovery. I do spend a lot of time thinking about food and avoiding food and contemplating food and fantasizing about food etc etc etc etc.


BUT, there are these month long periods of time where I lose interest in food all together. I guess it is a result of long-term high restriction with extremely "clean foods". I don't crave sweets, I don't crave hot foods. They haven't touched my pallet in so long. My days are spent eating raw fruits and veggies and plain bread. Nuts and oats occasionally. My hunger cues are gone. The only thing I get is the occasional nausea that passes pretty quickly. With no hunger cues and no cravings, the hours pass without food. The less I eat, the deeper the disinterest. It's quite scary because it doesn't feel effortful. I'm effortlessly losing weight. And while this SHOULD be a dream come true, it feels more like a death sentence since I'm not choosing not to eat....I cannot eat.

[Rant/Rave] Lol fuck me
Created: Sun Oct 7 13:09:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m7sg7/lol_fuck_me/
At my aunts baby shower had a shit ton of dip and veggies, fruit salad, a chicken salad crossiont, a slice of strawberry bundt cake, and a cupcake ahhh yep high restriction next week yep fuck me

[Rant/Rave] Working at a restaurant?!?!?!
Created: Sun Oct 7 13:04:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m7qzh/working_at_a_restaurant/
Anyone else work at a restaurant where the food is so good and you have to be so strong to not eat anything? I work at Pizza Hut (my favorite pizza) and I’m allowed a $1 personal pan every shift and it’s so hard for me not to get it! Sometimes I cave and while it’s not that disastrous (only about 600 calories), I usually can’t bring myself to eat again the rest of the day. So frustrating

[Rant/Rave] Rollercoaster... today I'm hopeful?
/u/NeutralSmithHotel [6'1.4 | CW: 179 | BMI: 23.4 | Weight Lost: -191| M]
Created: Sun Oct 7 12:47:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m7l9x/rollercoaster_today_im_hopeful/
Dude this recovery think is crazy... I feel like every other day I'm a different person. Yesterday I started out buying some bigger clothes to aid for recovery and then just thought about restricting all day and harming myself for eating more calories earlier in the week. Today, I'm all about recovery and think it will be easy to stop thinking about food... maybe I'll even stop counting calories? ... \*sigh\*. I think I'm getting better overall, but the swings are pretty hard.

Just ate a jar of pickles, is that okay to do occasionally or is it bad because of the sodium??
/u/dxylightt [5’2 | 119 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 12:26:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m7dr5/just_ate_a_jar_of_pickles_is_that_okay_to_do/
I was feeling bingey today, my parents went grocery shopping and stocked up on a LOT of food. I asked them to get me my own jar of pickles (5 calories, 10 servings = 50 cals a jar), and then proceeded to eat the entire thing after consuming my planned intake for the day because I didn’t want to eat anything else really calorific.

I was always told to steer clear of pickles because of the sodium content, but if I were to eat a ton of chocolate and candy and pizza during a binge, I’d probably be consuming the same amount of sodium anyways so ??

Idk, is eating a jar when I’m feeling bingey bad to do? It’s weird for my brain to be like “pickles r bad” out of all foods, but ED logic never makes sense, so. Btw, I don’t weigh myself so I don’t care about water retention, I’m more just worried about the high sodium content.

[Discussion] DAE find they purge for a few days immediately before a heavy restriction phase?
/u/gigi-has-issues [5'9"| CW 155| GW 115| F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 11:39:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m6xta/dae_find_they_purge_for_a_few_days_immediately/

I've been really down because I've let myself go, eating tons of shit and not purging or exercising or anything. I've gained 10lbs. Today for the first time in months, I got the overwhelming urge to make myself vomit and I purged what I had eaten. In a sick way, I'm excited because I know that this means I'm about to double down on restricting. It's like a canary in the coal mine.

I've noticed a pattern that every heavy restriction phase is immediately proceeded by a purging phase (even just one or two days) like this. Does anyone else have this?

I've been really down because I've let myself go, eating tons of shit and not purging or exercising or anything. I've gained 10lbs. Today for the first time in months, I got the overwhelming urge to make myself vomit and I purged what I had eaten. In a sick way, I'm excited because I know that this means I'm about to double down on restricting.

I've noticed a pattern that every heavy restriction phase is immediately proceeded by a purging phase (even just one or two days) like this. Does anyone else have this?

[Discussion] DAE have a purging phase IMMEDIATELY proceeding their restriction phase?
/u/gigi-has-issues [5'9"| CW 155| GW 115| F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 11:37:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m6x6u/dae_have_a_purging_phase_immediately_proceeding/
I've been really down because I've let myself go, eating tons of shit and not purging or exercising or anything. I've gained 10lbs. Today for the first time in months, I got the overwhelming urge to make myself vomit and I purged what I had eaten. In a sick way, I'm excited because I know that this means I'm about to double down on restricting.


I've noticed a pattern that every heavy restriction phase is immediately proceeded by a purging phase (even just one or two days) like this. Does anyone else have this?

Is it worth it?!
Created: Sun Oct 7 11:33:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m6vzx/is_it_worth_it/
Ive been reading about this weight loss system alot lately. Just wondering if any of you guys have tried it. If so what was your experience with it??


[Rant/Rave] I don't feel I have a valid ED and I want to cry
Created: Sun Oct 7 11:27:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m6ufy/i_dont_feel_i_have_a_valid_ed_and_i_want_to_cry/
I've never been diagnosed with anything and my mind is pelting me with horrible thoughts because of this. It's too much.

I told my online friend (who also has an ED) that I just feel like giving up and eating because I'm so tired. What I didn't tell her was that I feel like I can't because the second anything touches my tongue I'll gain weight.

She told me that because I have these thoughts of wanting to throw in the towel, I can't possibly really have an ED, I'm faking it and I shouldn't talk to people like her who really have EDs.

I've never felt this invalid in my life and I just want to cry until I'm nothing.

Because I'm not really struggling with an ED apparently.

Confession / Unpopular Opinion
/u/rspades [5’4” | 102 | 17.5 | -50 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 11:06:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m6odn/confession_unpopular_opinion/
I don’t know how comfortable I am sharing this with you all...but I feel that the principles of honesty dictate that I must....

I think red and orange 0 cal monster are better than white. Fight me on this

[Rant/Rave] my logic
Created: Sun Oct 7 11:00:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m6mkc/my_logic/
uhm this could be a little nsfw? i’m honestly not sure.

so my boyfriend hasn’t been initiating... things lately. he’s depressed so he isn’t really thinking about that thing and i understand, really. but then ed is telling me that it’s not his depression, i’m just fat and not sexy enough so if i lose enough weight then he’ll initiate things again! another reason to starve, yay!!

[Rant/Rave] Can’t y’all understand?
/u/minicemilo [167cm| CW:51kg| BMI:18.3 | GW:47kg| Gender:F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 10:40:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m6glz/cant_yall_understand/
When my ED got worse, i went to my school counsellor for help because I looked very sick and was dropping weight too rapidly. My counsellor was fine. It was the nurse. Omgoshshshhshs. She literally asked me to uninstall the calorie tracking app im using so i would stop tracking my calories. When matters got worse, she kind of blamed me for not listening to her?(She asked me to eat more). Likeeeee, do you know what’s going on in my head? Do you know that everyday is a struggle to even eat something?

Then came another jackass. This “fitness trainer” apparently, was trying to sell his product so he asked me about my diet. Welp i told him what i ate and he checked the level of fat in my coronary arteries as well(I scored 1 which is the healthiest). ANYWAYS HE ASKED ME WHY AM I SO HEALTHY FOR MY AGE. Told him I had ED. OMG. HE SAID. “i wont call this a disorder...” LIKE yea not a disorder. Totally didn’t get forced to go to the hospital. LIKE STOP JUST BECAUSE IT’S FREAKING RARE TO SEE SOMEONE WITH AN ACTUAL ED, DOES’NT MEAN NO ONE HAS IT LIKE COME ON.

Alright thanks for reading i just needed to rant so back because it’s battle and understand that people without freaking ED voices bringing your self-esteem the hell down every single day.

[Rant/Rave] I just need to get it off my chest tw: suicidal thoughts but not really
Created: Sun Oct 7 10:19:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m6a62/i_just_need_to_get_it_off_my_chest_tw_suicidal/
I know it's emotional support post (ig?) butI don't think I can wait until Thursday...

I've had ed behaviours since I was 12, it developed like everything in my life, talents, relationships, self-awareness.

Last year was pretty crazy for me, I moved out, was getting my diploma, went to work, began living with my long distance partner of a couple of years. Earlier, it was easy for me to count calories, to purge, to work out a bit (even though I'm hella lazy and working out is about 10x harder for me than restricting, much thanks to the fact I attended sports school and am pretty rich in muscle tissue).

Now, I didn't weight myself until last spring, for about 6-8 months and surprise I was heavier than ever. I've passed the 100kg mark which broke me inside and since then I'd rather d*e than start losing weight or exercising again bc I hate about 15kgs to lose to be normal weight. Now I'm obese and should lose almost half my weight. I went to a hospital for a thorough medical check since the gain was pretty rapid, and I do have some hormonal problems, but that only made me believe I'll just grow old and die obese. Because thats how it is... I don't know what to do because I used to be able to live healthily or restrict if I gained by accident but now I don't even know where to start or if to start at all.

I've been binging the whole summer because. Although I had everything- my diploma, a loving partner, a new, well paid job, I didn't care about all of it. I'm fat and I hate that I can't and won't spend money on pretty clothes or lingerie. On hobby, on trips. I don't post pictures on social media and although it's stupid, I wish I could just post my picture on Instagram and not delete it a second after, panicking people will think I'm fat and ugly, even though they see me in real life sometimes. I never orgasm bc during sex I only think about my disgusting body. I cook a lot but my partner doesn't really eat a lot so I end up eating most of it bc I hate throwing food away.

We went to see some places this summer but I refused to be on pictures together not to see how huge I am next to my partner. I couldn't save on something nice for their birthday bc I've eaten all the money out. I feel like I'm addicted to food and I want to stop but I can't... I don't really go out except to work and classes so I often stay in and eat.

Idk what to do bc I won't harm myself for real bc I love my newly earned money but I wish I didn't spend it all on food, thinking I can eat since I'll either diet or die in the end so I've nothing to lose except happiness and dignity.

That's it. I just really needed to let it out because no one can hear me saying it out loud.

[Discussion] Seasonal depression
Created: Sun Oct 7 10:14:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m68qq/seasonal_depression/
Anyone else get seasonal depression? It’s bad enough I have an eating disorder, now I want to kill myself. I’m only going to eat a can of soup today after work because my brain keeps telling me I don’t deserve to eat. Needless to say I’m going to be dropping pounds fast.

[Help] Anybody have experience on drinking alcohol while “fasting”
/u/sunnshine67 [5'3 Vamp | CW135 23.9 | SW165 | GW115 | ]
Created: Sun Oct 7 10:03:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m65lh/anybody_have_experience_on_drinking_alcohol_while/
I’m planning on doing a three day “ fast” to make up for this weekend at my parents house. My friends want to go out for ladies night as a club on one of the days and I’m okay with giving a couple of hundred cals to vodka sodas but I’m worried that drinking on a food empty stomach is dangerous, does anybody have an experience while drinking on a food fast?

[Rant/Rave] i hate work
Created: Sun Oct 7 09:40:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m5yvr/i_hate_work/
so last week, i posted about one of the dudes at my job that saw me come out of the bathroom after purging. he asked me the other day if i was feeling better, said next time if i have “flu like symptoms” i should talk to him and he would make sure they would let me out early. i promised to myself i would stop b/p’ing. i told myself i need to keep the ED shit on the DL like i used to back in high school. today i came in and my team lead stopped me. she told me we got new shirts to wear and asked me what size i was.
look, ive always hated giving my size to people. im so self conscious, i mean nothing new in this sub but you know how that is. she was like “i dunno, we have a 3x if you want.. or...” and she was mumbling some other stuff. when she offered me a fucking THREE FUCKING X i screamed in my mind. i literally burnt my hand with hot water because i was so out of it. im not the tiniest. thanks to all the binging and purging....
but im not GIANT. i can fit a large, sometimes a med. It really depends on the fabric yknow. Now all I can think about is how fat she thinks I am lol rip. What bothers me is she isn’t even tiny....
she’s bigger than me by like 3 times.

Idk i just feel like shit and I’m going to fast :’)

[Help] I'm scared to label it
/u/LynCross [152.5cm | BMI: 24.4 | CW: 125lbs | GW: 110 lbs| UGW: 100 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 09:39:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m5ylz/im_scared_to_label_it/
I have this safety net that I don't have ED even if I heavily restrict and obsess with my body, but somebody told me there's such a thing as EDNOS. Not having a label on this makes me comfy, it makes me feel like there's nothing to worry about and I'm just losing weight.

Dr threatened to tube me
/u/strayclouds [5'4" | CW 97 | BMI 16.7 | GW 90|F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 09:17:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m5s7g/dr_threatened_to_tube_me/
I'm on mobile but I guess this is a discussion or help???
Week started off with the Dr threatening to tube me (ng tubing) if I don't gain weight over the next two weeks. I'm medically stable so idk if that's even allowed bc I'm 18. If anyone has any experience or knows anything else please let me know bc I don't know what to do. My first plan of action was to starve to death but I don't have enough time to do that and I don't think my boss would appreciate that especially bc I work with knives (Don't want to think about how many accidents that would cause). I don't know what to do, I'm trying to convince myself to gain or even maintain but I don't have the motivation to eat that much. I'm going to try to "recover" and go to residential (not my choice lol but I can't go back to college unless I do yayyy) and im supposed to maintain until all of that gets sorted out but I just don't see a point in trying to eat if i'm going to be forced to eat there anyways. Sorry if this is really whiny or stupid but I just have no one to talk to bc all my friends are "too busy and I'm just really lost.

[Rant/Rave] fat
/u/zeneith [5'7 | CW 147.7 | BMI 22.6 | SW 211.6| UGW 110]
Created: Sun Oct 7 08:59:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m5n37/fat/
been bingeing due to stress and it doesnt help i just ate two carb heavy bread from the bakery before bed :):) they werent even good but i was just feeling shitty. now i bet ill be so bloated and weigh even more after these binges

sorry for the rant

Finally got to weigh myself. Semi-recovery is weird.
/u/just-a-mess [15M | bulimic in quasi recovery | 5'5" | 115.6]
Created: Sun Oct 7 08:33:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m5gdl/finally_got_to_weigh_myself_semirecovery_is_weird/
I weighed at 115 with a thick hoodie and shorts on. I'm guessing 114 would be my naked weight, so that puts me at a bmi of 19 (I don't trust that new calculator BS).

I don't know how to feel. I think I've lost a bit, probably because I purge so much, usually two or three times a day.

It's so weird to be in semi recovery. I track all my food in cronometer, and not counting stuff I purge, I get around 1400-2000 per day. that number would've made me sob a year ago. but im just... content with it. I think I'm losing slowly, like a pound a month, and it's enough to keep me sane

but binging kills me so hard. I lie to my parents so much about it, and it makes me so suicidal, not gonna lie. I lie about that too.

I don't know y'all... I miss this place but I can't restrict truly because of my meal plan and parents and if I restrict, I end up binging.

maybe I'll aim more for 1500. slightly more loss, I guess.

but at the same time as all of this, I want to gain muscle. I might be starting testosterone (I'm trans) in the next year, which will raise my TDEE. I'm hoping to use that as an excuse to lose weight... but I also work out three times a week and sort of want to be more muscular.

I don't know.

my life is confusing.

My life is falling apart and
Created: Sun Oct 7 08:30:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m5fo8/my_life_is_falling_apart_and/
I'm going to use the depression and self loathing brought on by my shit circumstances as motivation to better myself by not eating and finally getting to the unhealthy low weight I've been striving for. uhm yay? Seriously tho why can I only lose weight when I thoroughly hate myself.

[Rant/Rave] Smooth move tea worked
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 |CW 118 | GW 115 | GW 105-110 | F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 08:15:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m5byp/smooth_move_tea_worked/
I made it with two tea babe and had some mild cramping. But most of the binge food I ate yesterday is out of my system. Should I drink another cult tonight or should I wait?

Feeling immense anxiety after two day mega binge
/u/ameliasophia [5'3 | 106.2 | 18.8 | GW: 90| F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 08:14:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m5bvj/feeling_immense_anxiety_after_two_day_mega_binge/
Just need to rant.


I was doing well for so long and then this weekend everything went out the window to the extreme. Dinner party last night was when I lost control - I managed to not eat until desert and then I had a bit of ice cream and something in me just flipped. I ate an entire tub of ben and jerrys and a huge bag of after dinner chocolates. Next day went to a family lunch at a buffet of all places and just carried on the sugar binge with cakes, marshmallows, waffles, croissants, all dipped in a chocolate fountain, macaroons, pastries. It was so much food and I just couldn't stop. And then we left and I thought okay phew I'm out of there now I can stop. But then we went to the birthday party of a five year old millionaire heiress (literally like something out of Crazy Rich Asians - I'm living in Singapore at the moment and I have never met people this rich in my life). Oh my god. There were waiters there were chefs, there was a fucking ice cream cart. There were plates piled high with cookies, chocolate moose, strawberry cupcakes, other cupcakes. I ate another buffet of indian food and even though I felt literally sick I just didn't stop. Even when I could tell I didn't want anymore, another cake would come out and I'd think 'oh I have to at least try this one'.


I'd estimate that I probably ate around 8,000+ calories in the past 24 hours. I have never eaten this much in my life. I'm actually terrified by the amount that I have eaten. This morning I had fear to step onto the scales but was relieved to see I hadn't gained weight after the dinner party binge. Now I'm so so scared. I feel like crying. But I know what I need to do. I can make up for this indiscretion by restricting even harder than I was before. I've had maybe three weeks of every day sub 1000, most days sub 500, some days sub 200. Now its going to have to be more like every day sub 500, most days sub 200, some days 0. I'm mad at myself for the binge, but I know that my problem is even eating a little bit of something bad in the first place. Once I break my fast/eat something slightly naughty then the floodgates are open. So I'm just going to have to have a zero tolerance policy on these foods that trigger binges from now on (basically anything that isn't berries or vegetables).


Sorry for the wall of text I'm just in a really messed up place right now and I can't even fathom the amount of food that I've consumed these past 24 hours.

[Rant/Rave] The smooth mov tea worked
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 |CW 118 | GW 115 | GW 105-110 | F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 08:14:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m5bt1/the_smooth_mov_tea_worked/
I made it with two tea babe and had some mild cramping. But most of the binge food I ate yesterday is out of my system. Should I drink another cult tonight or should I wait?

[Rant/Rave] I wish I didn’t work around food
Created: Sun Oct 7 08:14:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m5bsn/i_wish_i_didnt_work_around_food/
I work in a grocery store which would be fine but I do samples and work in the bakery and it is hell. I would probably be 10-20 pounds lighter. It’s worse here than when I worked at Taco Bell. Anyone else have to work around tempting food?

[Rant/Rave] My friendstarted calorie counting
Created: Sun Oct 7 08:13:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m5biz/my_friendstarted_calorie_counting/
I calorie count too but I didn’t know it was as bad as it is. She knows I know A BIT about it so she talks to me about it. I didn’t realize how far gone I was. I didn’t realize how much I count calories or how much it means to me. I know the exact count of every single food I eat. She asked me how many calories in a extra large Diet Coke from 7-11 and I almost laughed because it’s obviously 0. Her daily intake limit is 1800 and she keeps talking about how low that is. Her food diary only accounts for half the food she eats. (She’ll input a bagel, but won’t input the cream cheese.) I know this is really detailed but her inexperience just highlighted how much I do this myself, and just how important calorie counting is for me, it scared me a bit to realize how bad it was. Seeing the food diary of someone who doesn’t have disordered eating is also scary when I think about my own and how minimal my eating really is

DAE end up using their savings to fund their binges?
Created: Sun Oct 7 08:02:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m58w1/dae_end_up_using_their_savings_to_fund_their/
Lol so like spending an average of $10-25 most days of the week on top of just daily expenses really adds up fast and means I end up having to go into my holiday savings to pay my bills. Why am I like this. Why am I so disgusting. Anyway I guess I've planned out all my food again for the week, both with calories and money. The thing is actually sticking to it.

Is it worth it?!
Created: Sun Oct 7 07:50:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m5640/is_it_worth_it/
Ive been reading about this weight loss system alot lately. Just wondering if any of you guys have tried it. If so what was your experience with it??

[Rant/Rave] [RANT] I hate the "new confidence" argument
/u/hammerprice [5'11" | obese | -22lb | 27F | vegan | inbox always open to talk!]
Created: Sun Oct 7 07:49:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m55z7/rant_i_hate_the_new_confidence_argument/
Whenever people share stories about how they're treated after losing weight vs. before the regular weightloss subreddits are almost tripping over themselves to assure them it's because of their "new confidence." Nooo, of course people weren't treating you badly when you were heavier! It's just that you're so much happier with yourself now, and THAT'S why people treat you better!

Having better self image and more confidence is attractive so it's definitely a factor. But I hate people acting like it's the ONLY factor and ignoring that people do legit treat you better the thinner you are, whether they mean to or not. People accept behavior from attractive/thin people that would NOT slide if they were heavy. Also it's possible to lose heaps of weight and still have zero confidence yet still get treated better.

IDK why people keep saying this, it's right up there with "don't worry, NOBODY is looking at you or making fun of you in the gym/at the pool/when you eat! I promise!" At least that's meant to be encouraging, even if we can attest it's not true. Who does it help to ignore that society will treat you better if you're thinner?? Like let's not lie, that's why we're all on loseit, deep down.

Sorry if this is off topic but I felt like you guys would relate more than any of the "healthy" weightloss subs :/

[Rant/Rave] that moment when u find out ur scale is off by 3 pounds (in a good way)
/u/fweakybby [5’5” | 132| 22.0 | 68lbs | F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 07:21:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m4zq1/that_moment_when_u_find_out_ur_scale_is_off_by_3/
i went to the doctor and they weighed me in at 125. i weighed myself in the morning at home and got 128.5. fuck yeah.

[Discussion] body dysmorphia?
Created: Sun Oct 7 06:40:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m4qm6/body_dysmorphia/
I’m not sure if this counts as body dysmorphia or how to describe it, but does anyone else feel like what they see in the mirror is totally different than how they actually *feel * in their body? And how their body feels to touch?

I can look in the mirror and pretty much see myself accurately, I think. There’s been points where I “objectively” did think I could stand to gain weight, even. But even at those weights I feel much larger than I know I look. When I touch certain parts of my body I get disgusted and anxious, even if those parts look fine and even good in the mirror. Somehow I’m only comfortable touching my boniest and most muscular bits, but anything that feels soft grosses me out and makes me want to keep restricting. The whole idea of body dysmorphia equating to seeing a whale in the mirror no matter how small you are hasn’t really rung true for me. Yet I look down at myself or feel my stomach and I seem enormous.

[Rant/Rave] Finally in the 120s!
/u/linedryonly [5'5| C130 | G110 | L102 | -15]
Created: Sun Oct 7 06:38:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m4qcw/finally_in_the_120s/
Damn, the 130s were terrible and I was stuck there for like 4 months. The number on the scale is finally going down consistently-praise be!

[Intro] I don't even want to be skinny; what am I doing?
/u/victorfrankensteins [5'2| F 🌺]
Created: Sun Oct 7 06:37:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m4q0t/i_dont_even_want_to_be_skinny_what_am_i_doing/
I've been having a lot of thoughts, so I might as well use the side account I made for this kind of stuff.


I kept being scared to post here because I'm clearly choosing to have these disordered thoughts, right? I'm new to this and I should get out while I can, right? But at the same time I know that's not true. I've been stressed about weight since I was nine. I restricted and binged in middle school all the time. When I lost my appetite from surgery in high school or from accidentally under eating my first year of university, I was happy that normal amounts of food made me sick. I've never never never had a healthy relationship with food.


But at the same time, I've never felt disordered, or more like I couldn't call myself that. I read all those eating disorder instagrams and tumblrs in middle school, but I didn't feel the same about so many things. I didn't think heavier people were ugly. I didn't want to puke at the smell of food. I couldn't go a day on only water. I've never smoked or done drugs; I barely drink and can't even have caffeine (I'm allergic to it). And if those things how your eating disorder manifests, I don't look down on it or think I'm better. I just think it's affected me that I never felt like my disordered thoughts were disordered enough for such arbitrary, possibly stereotypical, reasons.


Looking back, maybe I was a 'not like other girls' type of kid. Maybe I still am. But it didn't make me feel happy or better than anyone. It just made me feel alone. I wanted to talk to people who I could relate to who had the same problems as me. I know they exist, but I was too scared to open up to people. I don't have a lot of experience having close relationships. Having the (not even super active) social life I have now feels so overwhelming.


And I'm not skinny. I'm overweight. That's not the weird part, plenty of people with eating disorders are, but the weight I want to be is like, on the heavier side of a healthy BMI. Because I legitimately feel like that will look good and feel good. So am I even disordered at all? Maybe I'm just obsessed with the number. Maybe it comes from my anxiety. Maybe it's a control thing; I don't know. But I'm not eating all day so I can have dinner with people tonight and not hate myself.


I'm in a serious relationship for the first time in my life with the most amazing person I know. (Technically I'm skyping them now but they're asleep. Time zones are fun.) I feel guilty not telling them about it. I know they'd understand and support me, but I feel like I don't deserve their help until I'm thinner. So yeah.


All of this is so strange to type out. I still feel like I'm writing about someone else. But I'm glad I did type it all out. I hope things get better, but I'm taking it a day at a time for now. And to anyone who read all this, thank you. I hope everyone in this community has more good days than bad in the coming months. I feel like that's the best thing to hope for. <3

i have no idea what i am
Created: Sun Oct 7 06:20:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m4mtb/i_have_no_idea_what_i_am/
so. im starting to think i might have a mild eating disorder.

however it’s like really complicated and sometimes i don’t believe myself so i thought i’d talk to you guys about it????

my main question comes from the fact that i think a lot of my eating issues come from food anxiety and a desire to control, and not an extreme desire to be thin. i do have weight related fears and im terrified of gaining but i also don’t feel like “oh i cant eat this bc i’ll gain”, i feel more like “i can’t eat this because i have nausea because im terrified of eating in front of people and im terrified of losing control.” for reference, i’m a bit overweight, like 10 lbs, but it’s not something that makes me extremsly upset anymore.

because some days i restrict, usually to like one meal a day, but it won’t be conscious - i’ll restrict, but it’s because my food anxiety gave me nausea and i can’t even think of eating right now. some days i’ll restrict just so i can tell myself how little i ate that day and it feels AMAZING. i love that feeling of control. i love turning down food and looking like i have my shit together.

but some days i’ll eat completely normally. i’ll go out with the one friend i can eat in front of lol and eat at a restaurant, which is a HUGE anxiety of mine (eating at restaurants). i’ll be totally fine! but other days i can’t eat at all. im nauseous and scared and i love being lightheaded.

i don’t know what i am. if im lying to myself. i feel like a fraud. am i even allowed to be on this sub?

[Sticky] Sunday: Share your latest grocery+food hauls!
Created: Sun Oct 7 06:11:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m4l3h/sunday_share_your_latest_groceryfood_hauls/
Feel welcome to post pics of your latest and greatest hauls~! Consider adding commentary on:

* what country you're in
* what store, site, market or Co-op you shopped at
* how much you spent or any sweet deals you found

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! October 07, 2018
Created: Sun Oct 7 06:11:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m4l2n/daily_food_diary_october_07_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for October 07, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

i don't want to get thinner but i can't stop
Created: Sun Oct 7 06:00:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m4ixi/i_dont_want_to_get_thinner_but_i_cant_stop/
i feel like i might be one of the few people with this illness who prefers being curvy, being 'thicc'. this morning i was looking at old photos of myself, and i just felt awash with sadness. i love how soft my tummy looks, the feminine curves i had - going in at the waist, out at the hips. the thighs, the ass. yet there i was, not even 20 minutes ago, weighing out 100g of boiled carrots for my lunch.

i want to cry, because i don't want to get anymore thin and bony and waif-like, i can see my ribs and my knees knock into each other when i sleep, my wrists are smaller than 6 inches etc etc but i can't stop and i don't know how to. i've never been in recovery before and i'm honestly afraid of it.

i've tried to 'force' myself to eat, but i just end up spitting food in the bin after chewing it twice, because i can't stomach the thought of it in my mouth, headed for my guts.

i try and 'eat more' in general, like eating a whole 80 calorie biscuit instead of making it last *eight days* by taking the tiniest bite out of it each morning when i have my cup of tea.

the stress of this illness is making me sick, too. i'm so worried about the lasting effects it may have on my body. i want children for crying out loud, and lots of them. how will i carry them and give birth and be a good mother and breast feed them when my body is like this with no sign of getting better?

i just feel this biting emptiness inside me.

there's something making it worse, too. a comment my best friend made. he was out shopping with his fiance, and when he got home, i asked how it went. he said she couldn't find what she wanted, because she's *tiny*. i knew she was petite, but that word was like a punch in the gut. and before i could stop myself, i was asking him what she weighed and how tall she was. 98lbs. 5ft 4in. and the sickness in me said 'there it is, that's your goal. that's a great goal. we'll stop when we get there.'

is there a reset button in my brain i can reach into and push lol

I drank alllllllllll the juice... Before I read realised what it was
Created: Sun Oct 7 05:39:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m4ffu/i_drank_alllllllllll_the_juice_before_i_read/
It was prune juice y'all. I've never had it before... Thought it was a vegetable/fruit blend.

My first hint was about 2 hours later and I haven't left the bathroom all night.

[Discussion] Just looking to see if people relate
Created: Sun Oct 7 05:30:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m4e6o/just_looking_to_see_if_people_relate/
So I just took a bath and I’m laying in bed naked and I was comfortable until I looked at myself and saw my stomach. So I put a pillow on my stomach then got really sad because of how high my pillow was sitting. Does anyone relate because I love laying in bed naked it’s so comfortable but I absolutely hate seeing my naked body.

[Intro] No longer lurking; been down this road before
Created: Sun Oct 7 05:12:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m4b88/no_longer_lurking_been_down_this_road_before/
Hi. So, I’ve been lurking for a couple months. Mostly in denial about having an ED. I’m not even sure what brought me here, or why I searched for this sub. But here I am! I’m coming out of hiding because I think I’m finally able to admit to internet strangers about what’s going on with me.

A little backstory and about me:

I’m 28 (I’ll be 29 in a month), married, with 3 kids. It took me several years to realize I had been dealing with an ED while in high school. I recall days of not eating because I wanted to impress the hot new teacher. Telling my family I was a vegan so I could avoid eating. Secretly working out in my room at all hours of the night. But my Dad’s family would still criticize my body. “That shirt makes you look pregnant... *pinching my small love handle* good luck fitting in your prom dress... boys only like tiny girls. There were so many more. They always enjoyed teasing me about my weight, even though they were all overweight. But I wasn’t fat. I was 5’11” and weighted about 140lbs. We didn’t own a scale, so I could only weigh myself during track practice.

Fast forward to now: I had 3 kids in 3 years and the weight kept piling on, without me really noticing. My in-laws have always been so sweet and always told me how good I looked. When you’re tall, it’s easier to “hide” the weight gain. So I didn’t notice the weight until last year. That’s when the restricting and bingeing started again. Now its evolved into just restricting about a week ago. I’ve already lost 8 pounds. I forgot how much I love the feel of hunger pains. How much I love the sound of an empty stomach growling. Our lives have been pretty shitty the last 4 years, where I have zero control over anything. But now I’m in control of something and it feels great to finally have some power!!!

I start therapy on Thursday, to help me with the stress and anxiety I’ve been dealing with. I’m not telling her about my eating habits. I don’t want to tell anyone. This is the only thing I can control and it’s making me feel good about myself. Something I desperately need right now.

So yeah. That’s me in a nutshell. Hi 。^‿^。

Damage control advice? Purging without the bingeing...
/u/Melusedek [173 | CW: 52.5 | 17.54/17.34 | (U)GW: 52.3 (50) | 26F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 04:50:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m47o2/damage_control_advice_purging_without_the_bingeing/
So I used to only purge "bad" foods, and was pretty good about keeping the good things in. But lately, I've been purging every little thing. Three large carrots w/ sriracha? Gone. Can of corn? Yup, that too. Vegan pea stew not even clocking in above 350 kcal? Up, up, and away. The only thing that's been staying in this weekend is coffee, some IPAs, and a small glass of malbec...

Anybody have any advice to stop purging? It's too easy to just swish my hair up and bend over. I don't even need to drink water or use my fingers, it's just as easy to puke as it is to swallow.

what is the safest looking thing to get from this menu?
Created: Sun Oct 7 04:44:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m46p2/what_is_the_safest_looking_thing_to_get_from_this/

[Rant/Rave] no longer obese woo
/u/Annewellmorrel [18F|SW100kg|UGW50kg|5’6]
Created: Sun Oct 7 04:20:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m437t/no_longer_obese_woo/
Weight is 83.6 kg as of this morning, so bye bye, obesity!

This really feels like taking my life back. As I’ve mentioned on here before, being put under massive pressure by adults to gain weight when my weight was too low caused me to relapse into my BED 3 years ago. So this really feels like a good start to my life at uni. Sure, the world doesn’t change just because I’m overweight now, and I’m noone, really, for now. I don’t matter... *yet*. The terrible experiences and people that ruined my adolescence and drove me to binging, on the other hand, don’t matter... *anymore*!

We’ve already been sent lecture material and reading recommendations, and I’m 57% through the first one! Plus I’m going to an exhibition in London today which I’m really excited for.

I'm so annoyed with myself
Created: Sun Oct 7 04:12:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m420c/im_so_annoyed_with_myself/
I really really hate myself right now. It's not enough that I binged back like 20lbs from my LW, I've been DESTROYING my health with binges and purges, like my stomach is so wrecked, I have constant stomach acid and brain fog and my binges are so big that I get really dizzy from the sugar spike - I mean, up to 10000 calories in pure sugar, how do I not get diabetic from this?

No, I'm obsessing so much every day and falling into the SAME thoughts all the time that my binge brain tricks me into: 'Ohhhh I feel sooo sorry for myself for not having this or that, If I binge today, I will start the ABC/whatever bullshit wannabe-diet tomorrow and will lose sooo much!'. Althought I declared EXACTLY how I want to eat for pretty much the rest of my life and even made a post about it: eating what I want, exactly what I want - my higher brain, the non-binge rational part, so I can restrict as low as I like or indulge if I want to and eat according to hunger or not or chose to eat healthy or not, as long as it's what I truly feel good with afterwards, so I don't 'have to stick to something' and don't get the excuse to feel sorry for myself because if I want cake, nobody is stopping me.

But I binged the day before yesterday and then binged AGAIN yesterday. I feel and look so bad.
I've been depressed so much lately that I talked to a counsellor who suggested therapy (not specifically for EDs because he doesn't know much about it, but for the depression and all that) so that means I'd need to drop out of uni. I know it's mostly because of my Ed. Because of fucking FOOD and my WEIGHT, I ruined my career. Great. And the best thing? I didn't even wind up skinny. I have nothing to show for. If I was super underweight and almost dying, well, at least I could say that I'm almost dying and that's at least a valid reason to drop out. But nooo, I'm still a fat mess who restricts severely and binges into a sugar coma later.

I wish there was a double version of myself so I could just slap myself right now.

[Rant/Rave] a shitstorm is coming
/u/iluvmnms [164cm (5'4) | 49.4kg (108lbs) | 18.4 | GW: 47 (103lbs) | 18F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 04:00:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m406x/a_shitstorm_is_coming/
literally. i had some chocolate laxatives but they actually tasted good so i kept snacking on them ok it was nice knowing ya'll

[Rant/Rave] I want my boobs to disappear
Created: Sun Oct 7 03:49:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m3yl4/i_want_my_boobs_to_disappear/
I will never get surgery so I’m hoping to make my boobs go away on their own. Also my hips and butt. Too feminine, I don’t like it. I’m not a guy, I’m just... I don’t know. I’m non binary and I don’t want my body to be feminine. I want to be sickly thin,no curves and a sharp jawline. I want people to look at me and not know my gender/sex. Which makes me feel shitty because my boyfriend loves both my boobs and butt.

[Other] I don't belong here?
/u/Ednosonline [175 cm/5'9" | 65 kg/143,3 lbs | BMI 21,2 | -2 kg | Female]
Created: Sun Oct 7 03:12:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m3te3/i_dont_belong_here/
I've been sick on and off for 10 years now. And I realized I am slipping back atm but I am loving it. Right now, I can do a fairly normal "just dieting" with a limit of 1500 net calories per day and blaming no's on allergier/health reasons. I have lost 3 kg in a month and am planning to get below a BMI of 20 again. IF I can.

But I feel like such a fucking fake for even Reading this sub 😣😣😣

First ever full on binge :(
/u/Hairless_Human [6' | CW 134 | BMI 17.44 | WL -146 |M 21]
Created: Sun Oct 7 02:37:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m3ofs/first_ever_full_on_binge/

[Rant/Rave] You know you have an ED when...
/u/queenofbo0ks [5'6 | CW:148.5lbs | GW: 129lbs | UGW: 112lbs | 20F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 02:24:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m3mm3/you_know_you_have_an_ed_when/
(Note: This is a rant/rave post from my experiences, everyone has different ones. Please stay save)


...You look up the average breakfast calories (400) and you already cry over eating 150 during breakfast.

...You're going out for lunch with friends and you ask your partner if it's okay if you just order coffee instead of food

...On bad days your face looks so pale you get told you look like an actual corpse

...On good days you think you can handle one piece of bread and end up crying and binging later that day because of it

...You think you're just as fat as before and your pants must have just loosened during washing them

...You panic when you get invited out for drinks/dinner/food etc

...You feel proud when people tell you that you look good

[Help] Weight keeps going up and down
Created: Sun Oct 7 02:21:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m3m4u/weight_keeps_going_up_and_down/
I'm heavy restricting for the past 2 weeks, at an average of 500 cal a day. But instead of a steady weight loss, my weight changes daily. For example the last week: 54,4 - 54,8 - 54,8 - 54,2 - 54,5 (around a pound that goes up and down). This is really demotivating since I fast whenever I gain weight (which is now like every second day? Ugh).
Why is this happening? Any tips?

I think I went straight from a binge eating disorder to anorexia. If that’s even possible.
Created: Sun Oct 7 01:53:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m3i11/i_think_i_went_straight_from_a_binge_eating/
I’m 15F, and I have had a binge eating disorder for a couple months at least. It was self diagnosed, but I was sure cause I had a lot of symptoms. I tried getting help but the doctor said it was a possibility and asked me 1 or 2 questions, and asked my mom a question, and moved on. He completely dismissed me in my opinion and didn’t even attempt to properly diagnose me. Didn’t ask about any of the required symptoms, which I had. This was about a month and a half ago. After that I decided, fuck him, I’ll help myself. So about 2-3weeks ago, I started starving myself. I binged(not really actual binges but I’m calling them that) about 3 or 4 times, but then I would purge it out. I would only allow myself 500 calories a day. In the first week it was really hard not to give in and completely let myself binge like I used to in my BED. Before I started I weighed just over 200lbs and now I weigh about 85(last time I checked 2 days ago, so more now hopefully). I know that definitely isn’t normal. An average person can lose 1, maybe 2 pounds in one week. So probably 8 pounds in 1 month at the most. I lost almost 10 pounds in just 1 week. Which makes me feel good. I’m getting weak though, I can feel it. It’s hard to climb stairs now, my legs start burning. I take Taekwondo and already I can’t do things as well as before. My whole body is sore because the last 2 days I did a 1000 calorie work out thing as well. I’m in a lot of pain right now. But I think that since I’m losing weight, it’s worth it. I want to be at least 130lbs by spring, I hope it’s possible. I’ve also been counting calories, and cutting my food up really small at supper so my family finishes eating and I can throw out my food.

please please please let this be the last binge of the month
/u/psybeams [5'4” | 18f | cw : 109 | gw : 100 | bmi : 18.9]
Created: Sun Oct 7 01:44:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m3gqz/please_please_please_let_this_be_the_last_binge/
i want to die i've been binging the past 3 days and idk how i haven't gained anything yet but oh my lord my birthday really put me off track. starting now im done. someone tell me to stop.

[Rant/Rave] Guess I'm bulimic now
/u/BunnyAwesome [5'7"| F | CW 116 | GW 105]
Created: Sun Oct 7 01:37:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m3fm8/guess_im_bulimic_now/
Ok so TMI warning, trigger warning (suicide), this post is NSFL. I'll try to keep it short.

On Friday on my way back from work, I witnessed a man try to take his own life by jumping from a bridge onto a road.

He was a mess and my head exploded completely.

So I came home and had a binge. Not a huge one but 2000+ first day, 1600 yesterday.

First thing I did was trigger my IBS with lots of hot sauce, and I rounded up the evening with 47 laxatives in what only can be described as a futile act of self hatred.

The hot sauce served to inflame my digestive system through the IBS and a lot of the food is coming through undigested and the laxatives made sure it's all been a swift process. This is undeniably a massive leap into bulimia and honestly, I'm scared how this is going to go from here.

Sorry. I needed to get this off my chest and I have nowhere else to go, because the guy I normally tell these things decided he just couldn't be there for me on Friday and I'm really hurt by that too.

what’s the weirdest recipe you’ve created/tried to satisfy your cravings?
/u/ratpaq [5'1 | CW 108 | GW 92 | LW 102 | F18]
Created: Sun Oct 7 01:04:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m3al6/whats_the_weirdest_recipe_youve_createdtried_to/
i really wanted birthday cake but all i had at home was a banana so i mashed it up and heated it and created the best thing my mouth has ever been graced with

- 1 banana
- 1 bowl
- 1 fork
- 1 microwave

1. peel banana and break into small pieces, place into bowl
2. mash with fork until gooey
3. microwave for 10-30seconds/until warm enough for your liking

seems pretty dumb/simple because it’s just a mashed banana that’s heated up but god it was so much better than cake

[Help] need help with buying ephedrine (canada, quebec)!
/u/teenytokki [5'1|108.3lbs|20.5|-14.7lbs|F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 00:35:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m362q/need_help_with_buying_ephedrine_canada_quebec/
hello! this question might be pretty irrelevant to anyone not living in canada since the same laws probably do not apply (i'm pretty sure ephedrine is illegal in the US?). i'm currently looking into buying ephedrine and at the moment i have two options:

1. somehow convince my friend to use her credit card to buy ephedrine from this online store called "supplements canada". money is not an issue here, the main problem is trying to explain why i want ephedrine especially since this friend knows i have eating issues. it might have to be shipped to her as well since my parents are snoopy and might see me ordering pills from the internet.

2. go to the nearest popeyes (it is in montréal specifically) and buy them there. there's almost no issue with this option since again money isn't a problem and i can pick it up next time i'm there, but i've never been inside a store like popeyes. my concern is that they'll ask for my ID (which i have none— 17 year old here). also would like to mention that i'm pretty short and suffer from babyface syndrome so if they're going to ask for ID, they will definitely ask it from me.

any help or advice would be much appreciated please :)

today i went ham
/u/SetsukoSilence [5'5 | CW 137 | GW 98 | -45]
Created: Sun Oct 7 00:18:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m3354/today_i_went_ham/
I was celebrating my sister's wedding with my family and friends and got a lot of compliments today. "You lost a lot of weight!" and "You're so now beautiful *now* ." Honestly the you're so beautiful now comments are like a double edged sword. Like if I hadn't lost weight I wouldn't be worth anything. Anyway you know what my dumbass did in return to all these compliments? I ended up drinking and apparently when I drink my braincells fly off the fucking planet because I wilded out and ate 1,700 for the day. I feel like I can't keep it together, like utter shit. Restricting is he only thing I'm good at lately and I blew it. Guess who's gonna fast for the next 3 days now :)

Crying in the McDonalds drive-thru
Created: Sun Oct 7 00:07:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m317q/crying_in_the_mcdonalds_drivethru/
Have been having a lot of financial issues lately. After fasting all day and having a really shitty day at work,I wanted to go and get a French fry from McDonald’s after my shift at 2am. BF decided he also wanted one and gave me his card. Ordered his and paid for it, then went to check out for mine and my card was declined. Now sitting in the parking lot crying and trying to compose myself out of how jealous I am that my boyfriend gets to eat fries and I don’t.

But maybe a blessing so I get to benefit from the fast today? :)

Talk to me about anything right now
Created: Sat Oct 6 23:53:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m2yp0/talk_to_me_about_anything_right_now/
I’m home alone, and bored, and all I can think of is binging till I pass out. I can feel it and need some distraction or some tips to stay out of my kitchen right now.

[Help] drunk and staving help me
Created: Sat Oct 6 23:53:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m2yoc/drunk_and_staving_help_me/
Ate light today and had 3 sparking ciders .... will drinking more make me less hungry? what do i do?

[Rant/Rave] Has anyone cut off their family that triggers you?
Created: Sat Oct 6 23:29:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m2u4u/has_anyone_cut_off_their_family_that_triggers_you/
Kind of a rant and kind of needing advice.

My mom is such an insane trigger for me. Initially I was worried about telling her about my ED because I didn’t want her to be hurt and worried and think it’s her fault (even though...uh kind of is at least partially) but turns out I didn’t need to worry about that at all. As a teenager, she constantly was worried about my looks, promising me a nose job when I got older, telling me to do more squats because I was going to get fat, etc. I was always a ridiculously thin kid, but my mom was psycho about food. Always on a fad diet. Always purging. Always replacing our pantry with health foods and then giving up. She’s like the definition of a case for an intuitive eating based approach. My mom used to use food as comfort for us kids (unstable home life). Like she would buy me mcdonalds every day after school, then actively shame me for eating it at home. I’d be eating and she would talk about how fried food is going to make me fat and get acne and my skin would be clearer without it etc. Just basically “how to give your daughter an ED 101”

Now, I’m 26 with two daughters. After having my second daughter I developed EDNOS, which developed into raging bulimia in the past six months. My mom treats it like it’s NO BIG DEAL. Like some sort of coming of age thing. She is constantly talking about how I should join her new diet or about how purging is something every girl does at some point. She doesn’t get it. She can’t stop bringing it up. When I lost weight she said, “I’m finally seeing my baby girl in there again.” When I gained weight because of recovery and wore a swimsuit, she told me that her doctor friend was willing to set up a diet plan for me and get me some prescription meds to help me lose weight. She told me that recovery isn’t working for me, because I’m not losing weight (which is obviously the marker for recovery). She asked if I can’t just diet until I’m thin, and THEN start therapy. She told me that she knows me, and knows that I go crazy over carbs and I need to stop. When she found out I relapsed her response was, “Well if you’re hurting yourself anyway, why don’t you just diet?” When I told her my doctor wants to send me to inpatients after she recommended yet another diet, she said, “well yeah only because you won’t stop throwing up.”

I’m at my wit’s end. I’ve told her ten million times to stop mentioning food and dieting. Stop watching what I eat. Stop commenting on my weight. Just stop. I’ve explained that I’m in DANGER. She doesn’t get it at all.

The thing is I love her. I spend a lot of time with her. My kids adore her. She does a ton for my family and I feel...enmeshed. But at the same time she has triggered every one of my relapses and her comments just destroy me.

What would you do??

[Rant/Rave] Needing to vent.
Created: Sat Oct 6 23:22:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m2sso/needing_to_vent/
So. I just didn't know who else to talk to, so I'm here to vent. I have one close friend who knows about my ED. (went from 5'5 110, to 170 in a matter of a few months bc of a real vicious binge cycle I couldn't get off.) I recently got ahold of my shit and am down to 158 by fasting every other day and restricting my eating days to under 1,200. I'm gonna add some workouts in.. but I've just been... so... fucking.. angry at myself for gaining 60 fucking pounds. I'm typically the one to listen to her issues whenever we text, I keep a lot of my woes and shit to myself. but today... I don't fucking know. it was a terrible night. I start telling her all my thoughts. how I miss my bones, how I'm so tired of having all these rolls, how big my boobs are, how fucking bloated I feel. I feel less than human. And I tell her, like... I know I sound crazy. I know this is illogical and the disorder talking. but I dont want sympathy. I don't want you to try to talk me out of this mindset. I want you to fucking rage agains the system with me. Be like "fuck that! that shits the worst! fuck body fat, lets bake a cake and burn it so all those carbs go die in hell" - but thats.. not her style. she just gets so empathetic and emotional about anything I say. So I obviously picked the wrong person to vent to.. but she's the only person I can vent to about it that like.. understands what I'm going through.

Can I just get a couple of fuck you's from yall? I'm so fucking done being this size. I feel like I sabotaged my weight, I'm getting tiny stretch marks under my boobs and my hips like my body's marking me for being so overweight.. fuck this disorder. fuck feeling fat. fuck any night that it keeps you up feeling shitty about yourself.

sorry about any spelling it's late for me and I'm lazy

I overate and went out drinking last night
/u/BroItsJesus [19F|GW 100/45|5'4|🍑ebirdy]
Created: Sat Oct 6 23:15:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m2rlv/i_overate_and_went_out_drinking_last_night/
Burned it all off walking plus 1000 extra cals whatttttttt

I hate my disorder
/u/asiaticlily [5’10 | 134.4 | 19 | -47 lbs | F22]
Created: Sat Oct 6 23:15:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m2rld/i_hate_my_disorder/
I watch obese youtubers look books/hauls whenever I feel like eating... it makes me hate the idea of food. Because, no matter what condition you have... CICO is the only thing that makes you get that huge so.. I just constantly think about what people who weigh 350+ pounds must eat every day.. I hate that I do this. My disorder has made their bodies fuel to be thin. God. Like, I can’t seem to find a middle ground.. what a mess.

[Other] I DIDN'T BINGE for once
Created: Sat Oct 6 23:07:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m2q3d/i_didnt_binge_for_once/
I know this is silly but I've been having a really hard time lately and my normal impulse is to binge and purge, but today I managed to eat under 750 calories and had so many opportunities to binge but I didn't! Which is even more amazing because I finished baking a tray of pumpkin oatmeal chocolate chip muffins for when a friend comes by on Monday, and haven't touched a single one! I didn't even use the excuse of "oh they're homemade and only 173 calories each, you can have one", I just let them be and didn't eat them.

Idk, this is just really big and important for me since I've p. much been on a binge and purge streak since my pet snake died last month. But now I'm making progress again!!! I was 210.5 two days ago, and when I weighed myself today I was 205.5. It just feels good to see those results and feel like I'm starting to be in control of my body again.

[Rant/Rave] Well, it happened.
/u/cobra_movement [5'6" | 160 | 26.5 | -4 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 23:05:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m2po4/well_it_happened/
Broke up with and kicked out my abusive now ex. The weight is finally start to come off now that I am grieving and able to restrict without temptation. I'm back to a pack a day of cigarettes as well which is definitely helping. He made me feel like nothing and I am taking it back! Wish me luck!

[Rant/Rave] was so close to breaking my fast but decided to draw instead and my craving passed. took my insane fixation on the binge food i wanted so bad and put it into this paper. woo perks of having an ed!
Created: Sat Oct 6 23:04:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m2phd/was_so_close_to_breaking_my_fast_but_decided_to/

[Discussion] so, what does your grocery list look like?
Created: Sat Oct 6 22:36:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m2khx/so_what_does_your_grocery_list_look_like/
im sure this has been posted before but no harm in starting up another discussion. going grocery shopping tomorrow and need ideas on what is filling while restricting (trying to stay at 500kcal max)

[Discussion] how to start grocery shopping?
Created: Sat Oct 6 22:29:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m2j2t/how_to_start_grocery_shopping/
i have fallen off the bandwagon, and continued to roll down a very long bumpy hill. i cant stop binging and purging. i just want to start restricting again and feel proud of myself for once. i spend a heavy amount of money on the Starbucks... i am a barista and it’s my guiltiest pleasure. I’m not talking little iced coffees, I’m talking 300 cal refreshers, frapps, etc. I wish i could be that person who orders the small little iced skim lattes. I spend quite a lot too. So a few things I want to know how to get better at (like what kind of tips i can be provided with) is; 1, how to stop spending so much on liquid calories lol. and 2, how to properly shop/meal plan for two weeks? I get paid biweekly and I manage my bills and stuff good but whenever it comes to food....

The amount of receipts from McDonald’s these past couple weeks is awful.

What foods do you all find filling and affordable? (Student here)

The bloat is keeping me from eating in public....
/u/_Spicy_Lemon_ [5'6 | CW 131.5 | GW 120 | UGW 100| F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 22:15:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m2g70/the_bloat_is_keeping_me_from_eating_in_public/
It's so fucking hard. I'm trying to just eat normally. Not restrict so I can enjoy all the cardio I want. I LIVE for my long walks & grueling hikes that fuck up my knees for days.... but. Fuck. The. Eating. Bloat. I'm tired of feeling ok to "look at this human that is pregnant with whale triplets". It isn't proportion, just this huge lump. I want to eat out and enjoy crop tops but now I'm so glad it's fall. A dam peice of celery could cause it...... fuck.... maybe muscle building would help?

[Thinspo] When your thinspo gains weight-- or, my ED makes me a horrible person
Created: Sat Oct 6 21:44:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m2a28/when_your_thinspo_gains_weight_or_my_ed_makes_me/
I'm diagnosed with an eating disorder not otherwise specified (anorexia until I faux recover, then atypical I guess. And back around). BMI isnt anorexic right now so fuck it I'm ~totes recovered~.

But there is a celebrity who I idolized for their extremely thin frame (that was not natural to them-- they vocally started a really extreme diet and it got them that way). They also make music, and their music had a lot of themes of feeling like you deserve abuse and some vague eating disorder undertones.

In any case, seemingly out of nowhere, they gained weight, and they look much healthier now. They're also happier, which is great, and their music more inspiring and bright.

But ED brain-- dumb, selfish, evil ED brain, constantly thinks "but they used to be perfect"

Never mind they were probably sick. Or maybe they weren't. Who knows. Maybe not knowing for sure is what allows my mind to accept these feelings. But I pushed my body to the limits. Worked out daily, fasted, reached underweight bmi and then some. I never looked as good as her. She looked perfect. She was like a personification of Ana taunting me in the mirror every time I saw her, telling me to work harder and that I still looked like shit.

And she's healthy now. Her current physique inspires fitness for health, loving oneself, and not conforming to the strict standards of Hollywood. But I still look back at old pictures every day. At the unobtainable beauty that even she couldn't maintain. And I still crave it like I crave the excess fats and sugars on my lips, and the person in those images doesn't even exist anymore.

[Rant/Rave] Being rational today
/u/coffeehearts [5'5" | CW 123.5 | GW 116 | BMI 20.6 | F(26)]
Created: Sat Oct 6 21:43:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m29va/being_rational_today/
Overate the last two days (at TDEE) because I was feeling insatiable, obsessive, and bored. Been covering extra receptionist shifts lately which meant I was sitting on my ass for over 50 hours this week.

Came pretty close to feeling like "EVERYTHING IS RUINED" and "I'll never be 119" (or insert your personal roadblock). But THEN it came to me. I realized it was all because of stupid PMS!! So instead of wallowing, I did a Fitness Blender workout when I got home, signed up for planet fitness, and now I am going to the gym in the morning.

I'm also aiming to add real cardio into my routine so I can ween myself off fucking cigarettes again. Bitch this plateau shit is over. Time to actually lose again instead of lose and gain the same 3 lbs for weeks on end.

[Discussion] MFP exercise calories??
/u/linedryonly [5'5| C130 | G110 | L102 | -15]
Created: Sat Oct 6 21:30:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m2715/mfp_exercise_calories/
Has anyone noticed huge discrepancies in logging exercise calories on MFP?
If I log 120 minutes (12,000 steps) of walking at a moderate pace, it says I burned 400 calories. But if I sync my steps from my phone (12,000) instead of entering as exercise, it says I burned less than 100 calories. WTF?? The calculations are off by almost a factor of 10. Has anyone else noticed this? If so, how do you calculate your exercise?

[Rant/Rave] I haven't binged or eaten over my restriction level in 2 days :D
Created: Sat Oct 6 21:24:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m25oy/i_havent_binged_or_eaten_over_my_restriction/
I have been under a lot of stress recently and started binging, and I'm FINALLY back on track. I'm getting so close to my goal weight, and I'm finally back on the road to it. I finally feel more in control, and even though it's just been 2 days I feel like I can stop myself from binging again. There's still a part of me that's scared I'll fall back into it, but I'm fighting it, and I feel more determined to keep my restriction.

I just feel hopeful lol.

Stupid Question: What counts as purging
/u/cortizonegnome [5'3" | bingetastic CW: 107 | GW 99 | UGW 88 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 21:22:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m2541/stupid_question_what_counts_as_purging/
Tried to google this but I couldn't find satisfactory answers. So I binge eat and c/s and sometimes it's kinda stuck there so I just like..,cough it back up. But I never considered this purging b/c it barely went down to begin with and I get very little of it up (just the stuff that's stuck in my throat). I've always said to myself that I don't purge because I have *no* gag reflex. Seriously none. I've maybe thrown up 3x total in my whole life (excluding when I was like an actual baby)? Like I should be a porn star or something. I can only get food up that never really went down. But recently even when I burp it's like..acidic? Idk what exactly constitutes purging ig

[Discussion] DAE change their mind constantly about wanting to recover and then not
/u/ihate-chicken [5’7” | CW:116 | 18.1 |]
Created: Sat Oct 6 21:11:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m22uk/dae_change_their_mind_constantly_about_wanting_to/
I am constantly flip-flopping... I mostly don’t want to right now but in one day I can change my mind 3 times about this.


How should I lie to my nutritionist?
Created: Sat Oct 6 21:11:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m22ou/how_should_i_lie_to_my_nutritionist/
I'm working on getting an all-clear from my doctor and a nutritionist to get prescribed Wellbutrin. I know the dangers and everything.

What do I say to the nutritionist when they ask what I eat so as to not raise concerns? I can't decide between reassuring keto-queen pro-dieter who has been working her ass off to lose all this weight, spouting off all my knowledge about food, nutrition, and health, saying I eat tons... Or play dumb and say I didn't realize I was eating so little pls help, walk out of there with a revolutionary 2000 cal diet plan, acting like I'm happy about it and feel hopeful. The goal is for them to tell my psych I'm well-nourished, I guess.

Why can't I chew slowly?
Created: Sat Oct 6 20:38:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m1vcg/why_cant_i_chew_slowly/
Everytime I'm about to eat I plan to take it slowly, count my chews, learn to read my huge signals. 30 seconds into my food and I am eating like desperate animal, forgetting to count, forgetting time.

Any tips?

Created: Sat Oct 6 20:32:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m1u0x/fainting/

I woke up after sleeping for 5 hours and went to the bathroom to wash my face, after 1 hour I wake up and find myself lying on the bathroom floor, and the sliding door of the shower has fell down, and my back was hurting like hell, and my head too.

The last thing that I remember is that I washed my face.

Did that happen to anybody, and what do you think the cause of it.

Thank you

[Discussion] Is anyone else a medical professional?
/u/AtypANA [5'9 | CW 207.6 | HW 220 | LW 120 | GQ 🏳️‍🌈]
Created: Sat Oct 6 20:27:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m1stk/is_anyone_else_a_medical_professional/
I currently work on a pediatric ward as a CNA and I'm going to be a doctor (long term goal). I was just thinking is really ironic that I'm the one that's supposed to know all about health and keep people healthy and yet hear I am starving myself to the point of amenorrhea and all sorts of other stuff especially when I know I already have a heart problem.

My boyfriend just told me he wouldn't marry me if I wasn't recovered
/u/deanhipchester [5' | lmao | 21F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 20:21:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m1rlg/my_boyfriend_just_told_me_he_wouldnt_marry_me_if/
He did preface it with "I love you very much," but continued to say "but I wouldn't marry you unless you were at least a year recovered".

I'm back home for reading week and spent the past 2 days b/ping so that wasn't something I wanted to hear but I also don't blame him. Bulimia is just gross and I can't deny that I'm disgusting

[Rant/Rave] tmi rant about how shitty my life is rn
/u/lightningmcqueef69 [5'5.5" | 114.6lbs | 18.78 | 18 | enby 💛]
Created: Sat Oct 6 20:19:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m1r30/tmi_rant_about_how_shitty_my_life_is_rn/
- last month i fasted for 6 days, hit my lw, and binged... for 3 weeks. i'm scared to check the scale until i *feel* skinnier again. fasting rn at least until midday tuesday.
- binge = weight gain = depression so i've slacked on basic fucking things and it takes So Much Energy to just take a shower and remember to take my birth control and do basic shit
- speaking of birth control, i missed 3 pills in a row because i'm too anxious to call the pharmacy to refill and then didn't have money immediately and i got my period (a week after the last one :') ) and i'm so crampy and grumpy and bloated and !! icky
- BIG GROSS TMI RIGHT HERE i got a fucking rash around my bhole today??? what the fuck??? i wear clean clothes and wash myself every day and haven't changed anything that would cause this ?? not sexually active ??? the fuck??
- fasting is so hard now for some reason and i just want to sleep for a week and wake up 10lbs lighter or some shit but i have to work nearly every day, in a bakery, surrounded by delicious tempting food and i have cried driving home over eating shit i didn't plan for at work like 3 times this week
- i didn't think my thigh gap was that big but now i can feel my legs rubbing together again and it's so god damn uncomfortable i want it to go away
- long story short please kill me

[Rant/Rave] My mom’s forcing me to eat now
/u/its_never_ogre_ [5’2 | CW:118 | GW: 105| F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 20:16:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m1qgp/my_moms_forcing_me_to_eat_now/
I guess I reached that point where my mom is noticing my eating habits and now preparing me my food and sitting there waiting for me to end. I’m still not even close to my goal, and I don’t even look relatively thin, but I guess my mom doesn’t want me to go down that path.

I mean I appreciate that mom cares and is trying to help, but I don’t want that help ya know?

[Help] Bagel choices??!
/u/ihate-chicken [5’7” | CW:116 | 18.1 |]
Created: Sat Oct 6 20:14:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m1q2w/bagel_choices/

I’m getting bagels with friends tomorrow and they’ll get really suspicious if I don’t get a bagel so I unfortunately HAVE to :/

What is “safest” bagel / lowest cal? Is butter better than cream cheese?

I’m so anxious, tell me it’ll be okay (even if it won’t be)

[Rant/Rave] why do i keep sabotaging myself
Created: Sat Oct 6 20:08:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m1oh9/why_do_i_keep_sabotaging_myself/
I was doing so good, I finally hit a goal weight I've been chasing for actual literal months and even though various shitty life circumstances prevented me from enjoying that to the fullest I felt encouraged, ate one 400 cal meal meaning to keep it at that and even managed to stick to my resolution...

...until about an hour and a couple minutes ago, when I binged at a house party by eating 1.5 slices of a pizza with cheese, mushrooms, ketchup and salami and two slices of chocolate cake. Drank some liquids, but all were 0cal.

I immediately felt so sick to my stomach I had to lie on the couch. I went home with the excuse of not feeling good because I have a rule of not purging in houses of friends, ran inside and tried to hold it down, and I failed - but only the black coffee I drank and the cake came up.

I punched my stomach and tried really hard but nothing else would come up. I'm still panicking and I can feel the fucking calories absorbing themselves into my skin and I feel so disgusting, I was doing so good and I'm stuck here now, still sick and trying not to focus on the food boiling inside my stomach.

I'm so disappointed and scared.

[Rant/Rave] WHY do people feel the need to comment on what other people eat?!?!?!
/u/LillyWhiteAndFrozen [5'4 | 163 lbs | -14 lbs |28.53 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 20:00:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m1mkh/why_do_people_feel_the_need_to_comment_on_what/
I'm having drinks with some people tonight. My boyfriend is hungry so we decided we would share some fries (REGULAR fries, not cheese fries or anything) and he would get a burger.

I haven't eaten anything but snacks today and purged all of that.

I can eat some fucking fries if I want.

I bummed a cigarette from one of my girls and this douchebag fucking vegan that I just met tonight made a comment about how bad smoking is for me. I laughed it off and said that in usually pretty healthy, going to the gym a lot and eating healthy. And he said,

"Except cheese fries." With a fucking smirk on his face.

In front of everyone. Cue secret silent panic attack sitting at a table with seven people. Obviously I told my boyfriend when the waitress came over that he should just order his burger because I'm actually not hungry after all.

I'm going to keep slamming gin and sodas and try to forget that he said that but I feel horrified.

His girlfriend, who seems sweet, is also a vegan and so tiny and sitting right beside me right now. I'm angled away from her so she can't see what I'm posting.

I want to fucking scream and run away and die. I'm the fattest most disgusting girl in this bar right now.

New Moon this Monday!
Created: Sat Oct 6 19:57:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m1lxg/new_moon_this_monday/
So I don't TECHNICALLY "believe" in magic per se, but I also love it. Especially moon magic. Like the tide, I feel a pull to that hunk of rock.

ANYWAY, this Monday is the New Moon. If you didn't know, every new moon is like a mini New Year's day. It's a chance for a fresh start!

The next new moon is this upcoming Monday night. Monday is another "new year's" in general for me too, so this is really perfect, I feel!

This new moon involves Neptune and Ceres. The big takeaway for this moon is: removing toxicity. Be ruthless! Eliminate poison!

My goals are:
-Start my (marijuana) T-break
-cut down drinking (Not ready to give it up completely yet...)
-cut down fast food (Also cant give it up completely)

Figured I shouldnt set goals that I know are impossible, so I don't flog myself too hard for failing...

So what about you guys? What do you want to cut out of your life? How do you feel about fresh-start magic?

[Rant/Rave] love this for me !!!!!
Created: Sat Oct 6 19:55:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m1lis/love_this_for_me/
haha wow. i’m so fucking sad and upset, y’all.

long story short: so there was this girl who i fell for hard and she ended up liking me back. naturally, i ended up feeling things for another person. i confessed and this other person likes me back.

i know i should be happy but with bipolar depression (?) and philophobia, i’m so fucking sad/upset/terrified.

i’m losing my friendship with the first girl and i told myself i wouldn’t let that happen.


god sorry wow. i’m......... so fucking upset; upset to the point where i now feel numb. not even sad music is making me cry. love this for me!!! lol!!!

[Discussion] DAE entertain the thought of losing slower or maintaining....
/u/angelic-rose [🌹 19F | 5’6 | 122.2 | 19.7 | GW1 118]
Created: Sat Oct 6 19:54:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m1l9d/dae_entertain_the_thought_of_losing_slower_or/
and then change your mind after you eat something? LOL

today i was checking myself out in the mirror before i ate and was thinking how....good? i looked? and how maybe i can start losing at a slower rate than a pound a week (which already feels slow but w/e)

then i ate lunch, looked at my bloated self in the mirror, and..,,never mind. back to my regularly scheduled programming.

[Rant/Rave] I honestly dont know what I want anymore
/u/emptycolours [5'10'' | cw113.6 | 16.3 | gw110 | 26m]
Created: Sat Oct 6 19:42:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m1ify/i_honestly_dont_know_what_i_want_anymore/
Been such a long week. Hit goal woo. But still feel like shit. Im depressed about everything ive given up on in my life over the years, and soon I'll probably lose the job I worked so hard to get (took me forever to finish college). I never did learn another language, or go to another country, or actually have any hobbies, only distractions from the depression or ed or whatever. part of me wants to start eating again so that I can maybe start all of these things before its too late, but I know its already too late for me now. And i dont want to be fat again and still depressed. i dont want to be anything.

This really is a stupid post, sorry, 40 hours into a fast and just dont know where im going anymore.

[Other] My hair is not falling out I have no idea what you are talking about
Created: Sat Oct 6 19:11:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m1ayu/my_hair_is_not_falling_out_i_have_no_idea_what/

Anyone else never been in a relationship?
Created: Sat Oct 6 19:00:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m18ia/anyone_else_never_been_in_a_relationship/
Never been in a relationship despite actively trying to date for over a year. Honestly being single/feeling undesirable is a major fuel source for my ED.

Just wondering if anyone can relate?

[Rant/Rave] Pb just had the biggest binge of my life
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 95 | 17 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 18:53:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m16t3/pb_just_had_the_biggest_binge_of_my_life/
Hahahahahah going into thanksgiving dinner I promised myself I would exercise self control....last big dinner I had one small plate. Why couldn’t I do that? I had about 3 plates of turkey, ham, turnip, corn and peas....no bun...oh wait 5 glasses of wine later I ate 3 buns. Dessert? Ok just a small piece. But a small piece of cheesecake, blueberry pie, apple crumble, pumpkin pie and a scoop (ok sure 2) of ice cream. Then a few more rum and diets just to make my evening interesting. THEN I decide to torture myself and hop on the scale - was 97 when I woke up today, 111.3 ten minutes ago. I fucking hate myself. I want to keep drinking until I die at this point. Fml

[Discussion] Saturday night plans: putting grapes in individual bags of 30, followed by making sugar-free jello shots.
Created: Sat Oct 6 18:51:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m167x/saturday_night_plans_putting_grapes_in_individual/
I think I'm doing meal prep wrong lol. I would like to be out with friends tonight but the ED voice in my head says: no you are not thin enough. Real life will start when I lose 20 lbs. DAE stay in on the weekend because they feel too fat to go out? Oh, and long time lurker here. This community is the best! I can't relate to anyone else like I do to those who post here. So thank you!

Yay Hibachi (not)
Created: Sat Oct 6 18:41:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m13xj/yay_hibachi_not/
My friends decided to surprise my son and I with taking us to a hibachi place. They were even nice enough to bring my boyfriend too. Everyone is eating and I'm sitting here, super uncomfortable, not eating because he used way too much butter on the veggies and used sauces I wasn't familiar with and the menu has no calorie counts for anything.

Stood in the restroom for a bit since I was feeling the urge to break down and cry. I know no one I'm with gets this. Tell me someone here does. :(

[Discussion] What’s your goal aesthetic?
/u/lifesabreech [5'1" | 99.6 | 27F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 18:31:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m11hg/whats_your_goal_aesthetic/
Could really use the motivation right now. Tell me your goal aesthetic. Mine is Vegan Personal Trainer with a Recovery Instagram Account.

I finally went to an Asian market(first time in years) for konjac noodles and shit like that.
/u/J0_f0_sh0 [5'2 | CW115.5 | -18.5lbs | GW115 | F21 | USMC ]
Created: Sat Oct 6 18:27:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m10q6/i_finally_went_to_an_asian_marketfirst_time_in/
And I found chu hi's, now I'm drunk, my guys. Also I found macaroni shaped konjac noodles.

[Help] Please Help Me, I Can’t Eat !!
/u/bpdix [5'7 | HW155 CW128 UGW105 | AFAB NB]
Created: Sat Oct 6 18:24:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m0zwr/please_help_me_i_cant_eat/
i havent posted here in a while but ive barely eaten in the recent week, im home alone until tuesday and cant drive, i have food in the house but whenever i think about food/eating something i start feeling like im going to throw up and then cant actually down anything solid. ive eaten just enough every day to make sure i didnt pass out or get nauseous bc of lack of vitamins, but afterwards ive been punished with an upset stomach/having to be in the bathroom for an hour (please dont make me say more). this isnt even any form of purging, my body just naturally does not want to retain food.
has this happened to anyone else? i cant eat and i want to because i just feel bad all the time both because of anxiety and my body just making me churn over constantly. i was thinking maybe trying to eat just a broth or chicken soup or something really light, at least my weight is going down but it hurts really bad in the process B(

[Rant/Rave] Today my boyfriend told me he was proud of me for my recovery. He doesn't know I've relapsed.
Created: Sat Oct 6 18:20:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m0ywp/today_my_boyfriend_told_me_he_was_proud_of_me_for/
As if hating myself for relapse wasn't bad enough, knowing I've let him down and lying to him (by omission, but still) is tearing me up. I am flooded with guilt. It's so overwhelming to know how disappointed and sad he would be. It's made worse by the fact the comment was prompted by me eating a burger - my first binge in two months, for which I already feel disgusting and I'm riddled with regret. It's been a bad day. I can't sleep. I've fought the desire to purge all day and night but it's still there.

[Rant/Rave] DAE have frustrating friends/work colleagues that foodshame you, but they eat all they want and whine to you why they cannot get their weight under control and gained that week.
Created: Sat Oct 6 18:19:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m0yqc/dae_have_frustrating_friendswork_colleagues_that/
I can't stand these people, there is this one bitch in particular at work.

She food shamed me last week for eating an Apple and a peanut butter sandwich on low carb bread and she had the hide to sit there and tell me about how unhealthy peanut butter.

She's lucky that I didn't comment on her 4 pieces of KFC & 10 nuggets that she just had for lunch was so much healthier. and she was waffling on about the amount of oil that is in peanuts.

This is the same woman that has gone on a "health" kick eating chicken salads drenched with caesar or ranch dressing with hundreds of croutons and shovelling multiple of cups of nuts into her gob for snacks every day averaging \~3000 cals for the day and whines to me about how she gained almost a kilo that week and doesn't know how I do it when we eat almost the same things.

I try and interject into the conversation that it is all about the caloric deficit you have but she seems to disregard that.

Sometimes I secretly love it in a way too when that happens (Narcissistic much?). Because she says to me that she does not know why I'm losing weight but she is not when she is eating the same things as me (I have a garden salad with balsamic vinegar dressing for lunch.)
Then I think, fuck bitch 3 days this week I had nothing but 2 cans of rockstar zero sugar all day and went to the gym and worked off about 1000 cals.

DAE have the same stories??? I really need some before I fall into a BP cycle.

Stopped myself from eating fried rice
/u/buenothot [Height 5’3 | CW 200 | BMI ? | Weight Lost 128 lbs | Gender F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 18:09:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m0w2i/stopped_myself_from_eating_fried_rice/
And then I rewarded myself by eating ice cream.

[Rant/Rave] Disgusted
/u/PikachuQueen [5’4 | CW: 120lbs| BMI: 20| GW: 100lbs]
Created: Sat Oct 6 17:47:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m0qvz/disgusted/
This is honestly just a rant and I know people here will understand how I feel.

I’m just all around disgusted with my body. No matter the size. I hate it so much bc nowadays it’s all about being thick and guys wanting a big ass and big boobs small waist etc. I’m in recovery and I’ve only been gaining weight in my stomach, back, and chichos(idk the English word sorry). Even when I was heavier, I was only top heavy.

I have a bf and I love him. We’ve known each other for years but been together for only 2 years. I constantly feel like I’m not enough for him. He’s so good looking, he gets girls stopping him in the street and all over his Facebook and IG. Men stop him to ask what he does to work out (which is nothing tbh he doesn’t go to the gym). I told him how I feel and I told him he’s blessed with good looks.

I just wish I looked more “womanly”. I definitely have disordered eating and an ED, considering I lost about 70ish lbs in about 6 months. I’m trying my best to gain some of my weight back since my bf said he liked me heavier, but it’s not going in womanly areas, even with working out.

Sorry for the rant :(

[Rant/Rave] I truly hate everything about myself right now
Created: Sat Oct 6 17:45:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m0qjv/i_truly_hate_everything_about_myself_right_now/
I’m officially in the overweight category after stacking on weight really fast from over a month of constant bingeing. (A bit of purging as well but never enough to counteract it all)

I feel disgusting. I hate my body. I hate everything about myself and I’m just... so... sad. I keep using food as something to do because I have nothing. I literally have nothing in life. I have no one. I am alone and sad. I am so far away from my goal weight and keep getting further because of all the bingeing and I can’t get control of it.
I need to replace the binge with exercise when I get upset and I need to just STOP EATING. I don’t know how to just stop. I just want all my feelings to stop.

[Discussion] What unrelated traits or habits have you picked up as a result of your ED?
Created: Sat Oct 6 17:35:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m0nyq/what_unrelated_traits_or_habits_have_you_picked/
Whilst I understand my obsession with chewing gum came from my ED the (gross) fact that I collect my chewed gum has nothing to do with my ED. I’m just stuck to collecting it.

Do any of you have a trait or habit that isn’t part of, but is because of, your ED?

[Help] Stressed AF at Applebee’s right now
/u/RachAgainstLeMachine [5'3 🌻 CW: 93lbs 🌻 21F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 17:28:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m0mhk/stressed_af_at_applebees_right_now/
I’m sure ya’ll already know that Applebee’s is notorious for its high cal food. Well, my boyfriend and his family decided to eat here tonight. I ordered coffee and water to drink, and for my meal I ordered smoked salmon and grilled veggies.

I know realistically this isn’t bad, but I’m just super stressed. I don’t want to eat all of the food or like sample anyone else’s. How do you overcome the temptation?

[Rant/Rave] Welcome to some fucked up thinspo [TW assault]
/u/-bluehoney- [5'3" | ƧᏔ 187 | ℂᏔ 173.8 | ᎶᏔ 120 | ƒ |🍑bluehoney]
Created: Sat Oct 6 17:27:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m0m2p/welcome_to_some_fucked_up_thinspo_tw_assault/
I was raped when I was 17, by my biological father, when meeting him for the first and only time.

Reported it months later. It’s been nothing but status hearings for two years now - people are telling me they haven’t seen anything like it, his lawyer is just procrastinating and procrastinating and milking it to death.

I learned today that the final status hearing is next month. After that he can either take the plea deal (which isn’t much of a deal - they’re offering max time) or we go to trial and I testify.

My ED brain is telling me I have to be thin and sickly looking for a jury to believe me. New motivation, I guess. Woooo.

Pegan Thin Bars
/u/GingerWithSunscreen [5'4"| CW 125.8 | BMI 21.6 | GW 105 | 27F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 17:22:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m0kup/pegan_thin_bars/
Omg have you guys tried pegan thin bars?! 190 calories and they have 20 grams of protein and 26 grams of fiber! Plus only 1 gram of sugar. They're vegan, gluten free and paleo. I just had the chocolate lava one and it was soooo good and legit filling.

[Rant/Rave] Ranting a little
Created: Sat Oct 6 17:15:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m0j7k/ranting_a_little/
Not rlly a rant but I feel like recovering so I’m staying off this reddit page. Gl to all you guys <3

So frustrated with myself
Created: Sat Oct 6 17:06:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m0gx1/so_frustrated_with_myself/
Im on a strict 300 calorie limit and I ate more than that and my boyfriend was so fucking proud of me because he knows about my purging. So obviously the only logical thing for me to do was "go pee" and throw up my pizza in the bathroom because I'm so fucking fat and I have so much more weight to lose.

Does anyone else experience muscle soreness?
/u/thinwishes_ [5'7" | CW 135 lb | GW 125 lb | UGW 120 lb | F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 16:51:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m0cvm/does_anyone_else_experience_muscle_soreness/
From their ED? I started restricting and intermittent fasting and every part of my body hurts. Am I crazy??

[Rant/Rave] I ate like a normal person today and everything went wrong
/u/secretweightloss [5’4” M]
Created: Sat Oct 6 16:50:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m0csk/i_ate_like_a_normal_person_today_and_everything/
I thought I was doing good by trying to be normal and eat actual food today with friends but immediately after I did my fwb who i’m low-key in love with cancelled on me to see their partner and I just know it’s the universe punishing me for being disgusting and eating so much.

I’m never going to be anyone’s priority or important to anyone I care about and it’s all because i’m disgusting and fat and gross and if I could stop shoving everything in sight in my face then maybe someone would actually love me back

Getting asked to dinner after hitting your calorie limit
Created: Sat Oct 6 16:40:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m0a7y/getting_asked_to_dinner_after_hitting_your/
Really hard to explain to people “Sorry I can’t come I legit cannot eat anything and I don’t want to tempt myself either, sorry.”

What dumb stuff did you waste calories on instead of the meal you had planned recently?
Created: Sat Oct 6 16:24:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m05tg/what_dumb_stuff_did_you_waste_calories_on_instead/
I saved up a bunch of calories today to make a delicious ham sandwich on sourdough with mustard and all kinds of good stuff for dinner.

Instead my dumb ass had to shovel 87 sea salt good thins and half a pineapple down my gullet. Adds up to about the same number of calories as that delicious sandwich would have been. Why am I like this 🙃

day one post
Created: Sat Oct 6 16:14:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m03a4/day_one_post/
i got back to my scale finally and uhhhh im my hw again. granted its the middle of the day and i just binged but like whew fuck me

anyway. its my day one again. uhhhh this is humiliating.

just... wanted....... to tell someone..... i guess.

[Discussion] Anyone struggling with depression? What helps you?
Created: Sat Oct 6 16:11:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m02di/anyone_struggling_with_depression_what_helps_you/
Im not officially diagnosed, but i tend to feel depressed very often for no reason. Only thing that helps me is coffee and exercise lol. What helps you when you’re feeling down?

[Rant/Rave] The Flu: a love hate relationship
/u/curvylucifer [5'2 | F | drowning in coffee]
Created: Sat Oct 6 15:58:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lzyll/the_flu_a_love_hate_relationship/
I've had a stomach bug/flu for the past few days. Talking about the works here, sweats, vomiting, peeing out my butt, insane stomach pain, and to top it all off I'm on my period.

I've been super grumpy and mean and my boyfriend has been nothing but sweet and helpful. He's my long haired angel and I love him to death. Sometimes I feel like I really don't deserve him.

I've hit a low weight since last year during this sickness and the thought of eating makes me wanna barf. In a constant neausiated state is such a weird feeling. I don't want to eat for the next 5 days I'm feeling so blahhh.

Thanks for listening to me bitch.

is work heaven? is work hell?
/u/croutonsatan [4'11| cw: 103.2 | hw: 113 | gw: 95 ]
Created: Sat Oct 6 15:46:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lzvic/is_work_heaven_is_work_hell/
i work in a kitchen, so temptations abound. the dishwasher is always bringing in doughnuts and today pizza was ordered. im not bad at turning it down, but damn.

also, after passing on both doughnuts and pizza, there were so many “haha are you on a diet?” “she doesn’t want that she’s on a diet” “you don’t eat much, huh?” remarks and i can’t tell if i liked them or not.

[Other] how is it possible that i am both underweight and fat at the same time
/u/manfromanother-place [5’1.75 | CW:102.5 | GW: 98 | 19.62]
Created: Sat Oct 6 15:29:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lzqcl/how_is_it_possible_that_i_am_both_underweight_and/
why am i like this?

[Rant/Rave] Moderation can bite me
/u/lilmdjd [5’3 | CW: 130 | BMI: 23 | LW: 94| - 17| 23F ]
Created: Sat Oct 6 14:52:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lzfsl/moderation_can_bite_me/
I promised my mom and my therapist I’d eat more, so I’ve been high restricting around 1000 cal for a few weeks. I do have more energy but it is just NOT satisfying. And then I got high and ate an egg sandwich and TWO clif bars last night (real talk microwave those babies tho... game changer) leaving me at 1900 for the day. Granted I ran sprints for a half hour and did an hour power yoga so probably i was at least close to maintenance but I feel so so so gross and I’m water fasting for infinity now. I need to break this plateau. IMMEDIATELY.

[Help] PLS!! Help me stop this binge!!!!
Created: Sat Oct 6 14:35:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lzb0r/pls_help_me_stop_this_binge/
I’m 700 calories deep into a binge after fasting all day. I need some encouragement to stop! I really need to see a lower number on the scale tomorrow otherwise I’ll lose my freaking mind!!!

[Help] Fasting with energy?
/u/zaniathin [5’3” | CW: 154 | -6 lbs | F | Relapsed Again]
Created: Sat Oct 6 14:35:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lzb0a/fasting_with_energy/
Anyone able to fast and still have energy to workout? I really want to do a 72 hour or longer fast but with my job it’s sooooo hard to do without needing a couple hundred calories to compensate for the exhaustion!

birthdays are the worst
Created: Sat Oct 6 13:59:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lyzw2/birthdays_are_the_worst/
my birthday was a couple of days ago and i thought 'hey im down to 114 i can eat whatever i want'

nope. a piece of cake, a milkshake, and mexican food and im back up to 121. and it sucks bc im not a skinny 121 im one of those people who goes from being skinny fat to now im fat skinny so thats fun

Me to me: Ah I can't believe you've done this (NSFW: binge trigger)
/u/missmadime [5'6" | CW: oh god | GW: 120| -24lbs | F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 13:55:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lyyyq/me_to_me_ah_i_cant_believe_youve_done_this_nsfw/

/u/coffee-vanilla [F | 5’9 | CW:150 GW:130]
Created: Sat Oct 6 13:53:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lyy6c/i_stopped_myself_from_binging/
IM SO HAPPY, im finally on a restricting streak again!! My family ordered food and i was fasting today but i felt a binge coming up and ate about 600 calories of junkfood but decided to stop eating instead of eating 2000+ calories of junk food!!! Currently drinking a diet coke vanilla and im so happy yayyy

[Rant/Rave] been fasting for 60 hours and change
/u/putridaffection [5'0 | CW 🎂 | GW 🥗 | 29F | 🍑 mochiqueen]
Created: Sat Oct 6 13:43:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lyv6m/been_fasting_for_60_hours_and_change/
and for some reason it’s pretty easy this time? lately when i try to fast i just get ravenously hungry but for the past couple days i’ve been surviving off of caffeine, adderall, and juul and i feel perfectly fine with just a slight gnawing in my stomach. most i can complain about are headaches but i just chug water and shut my eyes for a bit when that happens. i know i have to eat at some point but my brain is all HEY WHY NOT JUST FAST UNTIL YOU HIT YOUR UGW and my dumb disordered ass is like “that’s not a bad idea i guess??”

i dunno. just wanted to talk about it for some reason. it’s weird. i’m weird

It's getting much harder to deal with my ed and school
Created: Sat Oct 6 13:37:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lytn2/its_getting_much_harder_to_deal_with_my_ed_and/
I'm constantly getting spurts of depression over school and when I'm depressed I tend to eat. I've already been doing so well with my weight loss, I'm not about to let this ruin it.

I feel like I'll fail school if I don't start restricting more and try to be motivated again.

I can’t find joy in life anymore :/ all I think about is food and dying
Created: Sat Oct 6 13:13:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lymrn/i_cant_find_joy_in_life_anymore_all_i_think_about/

Has anyone watched the documentary 'Emma Wants To Live' (about anorexia)?
Created: Sat Oct 6 13:10:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lylzw/has_anyone_watched_the_documentary_emma_wants_to/
I watched it last night and had such mixed feelings about it. Incredibly sad and very honest. But it felt strange because the doctors, adults, and parents all seemed so complacent and just let her die. Has anyone else seen it, what did you think?

[Other] Just thought I would share
Created: Sat Oct 6 13:10:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lyluo/just_thought_i_would_share/

[Rant/Rave] Bought my first weight scale.
Created: Sat Oct 6 13:09:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lylj2/bought_my_first_weight_scale/
I used to use my ex's but now he is fucking someone else. And I'm still in love with him.

This hurts so much, and I don't know what to do. She is skinnier, prettier, and younger. She is not a Bitch, she is my friend and it just happened. He and I were not together and they both expressed regret and not wanting to hurt me.

I love them and just want them to be happy.

But if I can't have him, at least I have this weight scale and my ED to fall back on 😢

I'm 140 now and 5"3. Wish me luck getting to 100lbs. Xo

Having dinner with fam at Outback later today and ya girl is stressed
/u/-bluehoney- [5'3" | ƧᏔ 187 | ℂᏔ 173.8 | ᎶᏔ 120 | ƒ |🍑bluehoney]
Created: Sat Oct 6 13:01:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lyjdh/having_dinner_with_fam_at_outback_later_today_and/
Rant/Rave, on mobile! I’ve been so good at saying no to foods thus far. I stared my ultimate binge food, pizza, dead in the face yesterday and had no problems. IT WAS FREE. There were MULTIPLE BOXES. I SAID NO!!

But this is like, a dinner, not optional food. I haven’t been in that kind of a situation and I’m a bit freaked as to how to deal. I’ve mostly planned my meal - Alice springs chicken with only mushrooms on it, side of broccoli? And then not sure about my second side. I always get the Mac and cheese and my fam knows how much of a fiend I am for it. I may get it just because I’ve been doing well and I’m currently stalled out at 173 for a couple days (been losing about a pound a day before that). But I’m worried it might trigger a big binge phase. I dunno y’all, yikes.

[Discussion] Does anyone else *just* purge?
Created: Sat Oct 6 12:57:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lyhyd/does_anyone_else_just_purge/
I basically do heavy restricting and purging (almost whatever I eat). I feel like most people on this subreddit binge/purge and I don’t see many people talking about only purging. Curious if anyone else is out there?

i hate going to football games
/u/peacecorpsquestion3 [5’6 | 118]
Created: Sat Oct 6 12:44:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lydw9/i_hate_going_to_football_games/
yes football the fun

but the fucking sorority girls who are prettier, skinnier, blonder, fitter and tanner than I’ll ever be make me want to cry lol

[Rant/Rave] Idk why this is so important to me all of a sudden
/u/applesauceistheenemy [5’10.5” | 140 | 19.5 | -70 lb | female]
Created: Sat Oct 6 12:21:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ly61k/idk_why_this_is_so_important_to_me_all_of_a_sudden/
Like I’ve had disordered eating habits for a while now, but suddenly it’s like I HAVE to get down to 130 and be underweight (by 2 pounds, but still). Like I’m trying to fast this entire weekend and it’s super hard for me. Not eating makes me more emotional and likelier to say things I’ll regret, which is what’s scaring me the most here, more than any physical symptom or side effect. I’m hoping some of that will be mitigated by working the next 3 days, but I don’t know. I’ve already lost a little so that’s motivation to keep going but part of me is asking myself why I can’t just restrict, keep it under 1,000, etc. But suddenly it just doesn’t seem good enough, and it feels like I’ll need to reach my goal before I’ll let myself do that even. The hunger is really distracting me, though. I’m not getting much done, apart from working. Nor am I getting a “high” like some people describe. All I can think about is eating, and I’m getting headaches. But I don’t want to give up, not yet. Not until I hit 135 at least and then I can fast for another weekend or something. I used to be soooo happy with my body at 145 but now that’s just not good enough and I’m not sure why.

[Discussion] Depression after a major event
Created: Sat Oct 6 11:56:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lxy3s/depression_after_a_major_event/
Guys, I don't know what to do with myself. I'm a lurker on my main because whether I like it or not this rollercoaster has been part of my life for damn near twenty years, but I don't really ever have much to contribute. Now I just need someone to talk to. And yes, I know these feelings are temporary, but I just feel so rough right now that I need to vent.

I fell back into restricting, *hard*, for a few months before my wedding and in the couple months after I gained back up to average for my height. And... I was happy? I was happy! I was actually fucking happy and normal and eating what I felt like, when I felt like it. I Did It. I was a Functional Grown Woman.

...Until I weighed myself by chance a couple weeks ago and we all know how that goes. I lost about eight pounds before going to Chicago and looked pretty good. I still had my tits, but my middle was tamed, and my confidence was super high.

My best friend and I went to the BTS concert on October 2nd and it was like going to the Superbowl. We never did cool stuff when we were young because money, and since we both turned 30 this year we figured it was now or never. And it was amazing. I don't even really have words.

But now everything is kicked into high gear. I kind of expected to be exhausted for a couple of days, getting old and having lived hard for most of your teens and twenties will do that to you, but now it's four days later and I'm just locked up in a cycle of glaring at the fridge all day, then going back to bed and being achy and sad. My husband is working crazy hours right now and my friend went off to a medical conference out of state, so it's just me and the dog and my feelings.

Logically losing weight is not going to bring me back in time to the concert. It will not make me any younger. It even runs directly counter to the entire tour message.

ARMY wasn't triggering; the variety of ages and body types was actually kind of awesome. I even sat next to someone about my age who was probably the loudest of the bunch and we ugly-cried together during The Truth Untold, bonding experiences with strangers ftw. We kept running into ARMY all over town all night and even shared the best pizza I've ever tasted. And I only felt a small twinge of guilt about it, because of all the jumping and screaming the three hours before.

Also, some dealers tried to sell us pills outside of the Greyhound station which was actually hilarious. "You girls fuck with pills?" Nah bby, talk to me ten years ago and we might have had a party but my fat ass just wants to go home and sleep lol.

But now all I want is toothpick legs and baggy shirts. Like I'm not even that mad about it (looong accepted that The Cycle is just part of my life and I've never been dangerously underweight), because all I ever want even when I'm doing well is to be the prettiest of the girlfriends at my husband's family gatherings, but I really want the energy to at least get off the couch and smile instead of going back to bed every couple hours to watch fancams and cry. My nails look great. I'm well-lotioned. I'm a prune from hot baths. The last couple days I've been putting on make-up and dressing up for my husband to get home from work just to feel good about myself. But my head still hurts and I just don't want to feel like this.

I was HYPER AF and crazy motivated for the couple weeks before the show. Like, where did it go? Did I leave my spark in an empty pizza box in Chi-town? Did my happiness really just peak in the whirlwind of wedding/honeymoon/being in the same room as seven beautiful Korean men?

Maybe I'm getting a cold. I dunno. Thanks for listening, and just know that I'm still here dropping upvotes on all your body checks and bad days even if this account goes dark.

[Rant/Rave] My sister bakes all the time
/u/hollyy___ [5’08” | CW: 134lbs | BMI: 20.37 | WL: 21lbs | GW: 117lbs | 17F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 11:51:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lxwlk/my_sister_bakes_all_the_time/
My sister is really into baking and she’s really good at it but damn she literally bakes a huge cake or something like every other day and then gives it to us to eat and obviously it’s kinda rude to refuse to try someone’s baking and she makes comments about how I don’t eat enough (we actually had a mini argument about it a few days ago) so she wouldn’t accept it if I said I didn’t want it or I’m full or something, especially because she knows I love cakes and stuff. Normally I can just avoid eating her food by leaving it and letting the rest of my family eat through it but tonight she made like a party cake sort of thing and we’re having a movie night so she wants to cut it up and give everyone a slice and it’s so big and it’s going to put me over my limit and just Yikes.

[Discussion] What is your daily kcal limit?
/u/Ednosonline [175 cm/5'9" | 65 kg/143,3 lbs | BMI 21,2 | -2 kg | Female]
Created: Sat Oct 6 11:28:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lxq42/what_is_your_daily_kcal_limit/
Hi! From the proED research results I got really interested in hearing other stuff about people here in general. Could you quickly post what kind of kcal limit you set for yourself each day, IF you do that? No questioning of others' numbers, please!

I have mine on 1500 (Net, not total, meaning if I exercise, I might allow myself more.
The lower the better, obv.

[Discussion] What are some of your favorite songs to listen to that you relate to?
Created: Sat Oct 6 10:57:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lxh2f/what_are_some_of_your_favorite_songs_to_listen_to/
Fiona Apple - Paper Bag is one of my favorites to keep me focused on my goals . :)

[Help] Thanksgiving dinner tonight
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 95 | 17 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 10:54:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lxg4n/thanksgiving_dinner_tonight/
Please send all the good vibes in the world, if I binge I know I’m going to feel horrible but I plan on drinking and I feel like all my control goes right out the window. Fml

[Help] YouTubers you watch for thinspo?
/u/thisgirlneedscontrol [6'0| CW : 239.2| -10.8 |BMI: 32.4| gf + vegan| Gender: F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 10:50:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lxev8/youtubers_you_watch_for_thinspo/
It's Saturday, which means I'm planning my meals for next week and looking for inspiration.

Who do you watch on YouTube for body goals?

I'm curious, and I want to supercharge my restriction to not binge this weekend.

Any suggestions are welcome. <3

/u/norge_erkult [~5'8" (173 cm) | 145 | BMI 21.8 | -10 | GW 125 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 10:38:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lxbcy/dating/
Hi, so...I dunno what exactly I'm expecting to get from this-- advice? commiseration? But basically I want to know if anyone else is experiencing something like what I'm dealing with right now and how they've overcome it, learned to change their thought patterns, how they've been able to trick themselves into maybe being slightly less disordered? I don't know.

So I'm a phd student at a stuffy ivy and my life is nonstop work, extreme stress, the usual shit that you'd expect. Plus an ED (exactly what I need on top of everything else) and this feeling that I need to uphold a certain physical image even in the academic world (make no mistake, academia can secretly or subtly be kind of brutal/judgemental about fat people in its own special ways, though I don't think it's talked about very explicitly). So a big part of me, especially as a woman, has this great fear of the ways that my bodily imperfections and the judgments that come along with it can affect my career. Shit is already fucked for women in this realm and unfortunately, the way that a woman presents herself physically is re-encoded as a means of assessing her competence, even if these things have *no* relationship whatsoever (e.g. I've noticed over time that perceptions of "looking smart" and seeming "in control" is to some degree related to apparent physical fitness).

Aside from that...I've been mostly single by choice for going on two years now. A lot of that is because I've chosen to make my life revolve around work. But a big part of it is also related to stress about my body. The pressure I'm under manifests in major binge cycles that make my weight fluctuate constantly and at times it stresses me enough that I have an extremely hard time leaving my house and seeing other people. This causes more than enough work problems but it also makes it nearly impossible for me to maintain a physical relationship for very long; whenever I gain weight (usually the same 5-10 pounds), I'm profoundly mentally affected and can't bear to see whoever I'm with at the time. I'll basically hide away and avoid them and destroy my relationships knowingly, but I also can't stop myself. I've ended two relationships with amazing potential in the last year because of shit like this. It's almost like eventually I reach the point where I feel like I can't handle the stress of being "accountable" to them and just decide to drop them. The frustrating thing is that this is probably all totally in my head-- the reality is that these people really wanted to be with me and probably would have continued to love me regardless of those fluctuations. But in my mind, I tell myself that they won't and can't. That they're secretly judging me the way that I judge myself.

I'm at the point where I'm fucking tired of this. I'm tired of isolating myself romantically because of my stupid fucking disorder. I know that I deserve to be loved and that I should take people at their word when they say that they're attracted to me.
Two things that encapsulate things now:

1. I've started to try to shift my behaviors over to higher levels of exercise so that I can balance myself out a little bit mentally, stay healthy, et cetera, and perhaps manage weight fluctuations a little better; however, though I feel like I can see positive differences in my body and my face, the scale tells me the opposite. My weight has been creeping up by like a pound a week and I am simultaneously freaking out and trying to rationalize it to myself. I ride my bike like 100 miles a week and have been tracking my calories religiously, changed my macros entirely. I should be losing something but I'm not. I tell myself that the scale is reflecting muscle mass gain and water retention from post-exercise inflammation, but I just don't fucking know and I can't get over the numbers. It's really doing my head in.

2. I've started seeing a new person who is amazing. Really, really amazing. I can tell that this is different; with other relationships, we rushed into things and I needed to drink a lot to be comfortable. But this is different-- we're taking it slow and he cares more about me and getting to know me deeply as a human being than about rushing into getting into my pants. It's still early on but I just...have a feeling that if I let it, we could be/have something really good. He's perfect but he plays on all of my body fears: he's tall and very thin and small-framed, and I probably weigh as much as he does. I'm already tall-ish and feel like a giant even when I'm not in higher weight ranges. I'm terrified that I'm going to fuck this up and I'm also terrified to like...reveal my body, I guess. I don't know. My weight creeping up (see above) has been amplifying this fear with every passing day. I'm so afraid that I'm going to destroy something amazing (again) before it even starts.

Sorry for the massive ramble. I just don't know what the fuck to do with myself and how to stop myself from being self-destructive and isolating. Have any of you experienced this? Have you found mantras or lines of reasoning that have been able to get you the fuck out of mental ruts like this? In the other relationships I've begun I've only been able to get over it at the start in really unhealthy ways-- e.g. by binge drinking and getting the physical intimacy aspect over with with my inhibitions completely gone. It isn't healthy and it shouldn't be the way that I go about things. I don't want it to be.

Ugh...I just don't know. Thanks for reading.

[Rant/Rave] when u eat 700 calories before 10am 🙃
/u/throwingaweight [🌸5’7” | CW:129 | BMI:20 | GW:120🌸]
Created: Sat Oct 6 10:35:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lxase/when_u_eat_700_calories_before_10am/
my partner is in town, so i’m trying to appear so together and with it and normal but i’m like.... how do i explain that this is k i l l i n g.m e !!!

i can’t refuse to eat TWO 340 cal cinnamon rolls for breakfast if you made them for me as a treat of COURSE we should go get donuts of COURSE we should go out to dinner and get desserts to celebrate something something something....... it’s only been a week of this so far but i s2g i’m going to have to fast for all of november to get thru this month

[Rant/Rave] Snippet from diary entry rant. Trigger Warning,
/u/PrettyGirlsDontEat [5'8" | CW 131 | GW 100 | BMI 19 | -119 | F/22]
Created: Sat Oct 6 10:28:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lx8ro/snippet_from_diary_entry_rant_trigger_warning/
TW: “Fake” eating disorders, suicide, transgender.

I would really like to preface this by saying this is a snippet from a 5 page long diary entry I did recently detailing how my life got as fucked up as it is. So some things said here might not make total sense, keep that in mind. I feel the need to share this, not for applause or sympathy or even help. I don’t even care if this gets no upvotes, or even if it gets downvoted. I want this part of me to be online. I just want to share this part of my brain that doesn’t stop ticking. These thoughts that I wake up with, go to sleep with, and dream about. I say a lot of harsh things in this. It also may seem like this is directed at someone. I wrote this entry to double as a suicide note if it came to that. I AM NOT PLANNING TO COMMIT SUICIDE. I just wanted to be able to have it for the future, in case I do. And in case someone cares enough to open up my iPad and read it. This post only gets more depressing from here onwards.

I’m about to be 24 and Ive accomplished nothing in my life. There’s nothing to really look forward to. I tried on my own to get help with the transgender thing last year, but I was blocked by these doctors who were gate keeping me. I confided in the psychiatrist about my eating disorder and they said they would proceed with any transgender treatment unless that was fixed first. I DONT EVEN HAVE AN EATING DISORDER. I am not underweight so I don’t qualify for anorexia, I don’t throw up (anymore) so I don’t qualify for bulimia. The best I could hope for is an OSFED atypical anorexia subtype diagnosis which is fancy talk for “eating disorder for people that don’t have an eating disorder.” So no, I don’t have an eating disorder. OSFED is fake, you aren’t in danger with OSFED. You’re usually at a healthy weight and just restrict sometimes. That’s about it. I cant even correctly have an eating disorder. I cant even restrict that hard anymore, I start getting really weak and nauseous, feeling like I’m going to vomit and die at the same time. I’m totally fake, I’m a fraud. I cant have a mental illness. I’m 135 at 5’6”, thats a totally normal and acceptable weight for someone my height. But the thing is, I AM STILL FAT. I am SO FUCKING FAT. I am basically fucking OBESE. I might as well be, I look like I’m fucking pregnant, especially when I eat. I cant have a bowl of fucking cheerios with almond milk without looking like I’m about to give birth afterwards. It’s sickening to me, my body is sickening. My neck has so much fat I could pass as being obese from the neck up, my arms have started to become toned from all the work I do at Home Depot and that fucking disgusts me to no fucking end. I swear to god it pisses me the fuck off so much I cant even keep my cool typing about it. I’m sitting here, I ate 10 hours ago, I’m hungry. Why am I hungry. I have no right to be hungry being this fucking fat. And the thing is I also don’t have the right to any sympathy for this. Because I don’t have a real disorder, I’m a fraud as I said before. So save feeling sad for someone that deserves it. Not that whoever is reading this could possibly understand an eating disorder anyway. Imagine studying for a test that you really want to pass. You study every day for years and you flunk the test. That’s my eating disorder. You think you put so much time into passing that test but you failed anyway. I even take loads of ephedrine at set intervals to prevent myself from feeling hungry, I drink coffee like its water, like I was trapped in the desert for 3 days without anything to drink. Ive been “addicted” to ephedrine for the better part of two years as well. To describe the eating disorder, imagine being literally AFRAID of food. Like you have to eat but you’re afraid to. Every time you reach for something to eat there’s a voice in your head telling you that you’re a gigantic fat ass, that you’re worthless, that you cant control basic impulses. Knowing that all you have to do to lose weight is literally do nothing at all and it’ll go away but not being able to do NOTHING. Imagine not being able to eat in front of people, not even your own family, because you have this super bad anxiety that you feel in your chest like butterflies saying that if they see you eat anything at all ever that you’re fat, that they’ll judge you, that they’ll hate you. You think they’ll make comments about what you eat, when you eat and how you eat even if they’ve never said anything like it in the past. It’s like that fear you had as a kid about monsters in the closet or under the bed, or when you’re in the dark basement and the light switch is at the bottom of the stairs so you flip it and run up because obviously the crazy axe murderer was hiding and waiting for you to turn the lights off to come out. It’s that feeling but about food. Being scared of your basic human needs. These are the thoughts that consume my brain almost 24/7 and the only escape I have is to play video games. I should also mention the sheer toll that being previously obese took on my body. My back is permanently fucked up, It’s in so much pain all the time. I’m in pain now, laying in bed, writing this. I’m in so much pain Ive been deemed disabled and given a medical marijuana card because I didn’t want opiates. And there’s the toll that all the restricting has taken on my body, I am significantly weaker than I should be, I can barely lift 20 pounds most days. I am so fucking weak I cant even open soda bottles sometimes, I needed pliers once to get one open. Yet here I sit at a healthy weight. My legs feel weak and I often feel faint like I’m going to collapse at any moment. When shit like this happens I pop two Bronkaid and struggle on. Only to usually fast for a few days and absolutely destroy food afterwards and lose no weight in the process. I cant properly digest food anymore either. I eat one thing and its like a rock in my fucking stomach for many many hours. As I wrote earlier I ate 10 hours ago, now 11, and though I am hungry I can still feel the food inside of me, sloshing around. I can eat one meal a day and be completely fine. But my body, it hungers for food. Even when I finish eating I’m still hungry, even when I finish three sandwiches on a binge, an entire large bag of Doritos, half a pack of Oreos, cake, and two large diet Snapple’s I could still eat afterwards. I cant sleep while restricting, its common in people with real eating disorders to have insomnia. I couldn’t sleep which is why I decided to even write all this in the first place. But why do I even have symptoms of anorexia if I don’t have anorexia. I don’t qualify, OSFED is a diet eating disorder. I shouldn’t be feeling these things but I do. But Ill never take it seriously because every time I eat I prove to myself that I’m fine. That I’m healthy. That I don’t deserve sympathy. And I don’t want sympathy anyway, I just want to be in control of my weight, I just want to be skinny. It’s my dream that one day I could be a skinny hot girl and date someone that can take care of me. Not that I’m lazy, far from it. It’s just thats the kind of life I desire. And its not even that my standards are high either. I don’t need to date some supermodel guy or girl that makes millions. I just want to date someone that lives comfortably and understands me. I will never find someone like that. I’m all alone and I will be until the end of time. I once had a girlfriend who also had an eating disorder and was also transgender but she killed her self November 23rd 2016. Now I really am alone. Now and forever. Again, no sympathy for me. Why don’t I just download tinder and find someone. How would I avoid my own family finding my profile on tinder, there’s no way I could put any real information about myself in the profile. And how can I pose as my real self when my real self is an unlovable monster

[Rant/Rave] Peach rant.
/u/KillingKylie [5'5| Pissing off my family|F|GW:93]
Created: Sat Oct 6 10:28:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lx8kf/peach_rant/
Why did Peach for from a solid eating disorder community to a Borderline Personality Disorder community with people who happen to have eating disordered behavior?

That place is toxic and pathetic as hell for people who do not have BPD. Too bad.

Cannot stop thinking of food
Created: Sat Oct 6 10:25:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lx7s5/cannot_stop_thinking_of_food/
I don’t particularly have an eating disorder. I try to eat healthy balanced meals. However, I cannot stop thinking about food and watching cooking tutorials. I have a very important exam in 2 weeks, yet I think about food a lot!

I wonder is it because I fast every now and then, and try to restrict my calories? Anyways, how do I stop?

[Help] What do you do to feel better after gaining weight?
/u/fear0fthemango [172cm| 45kg| 15.2 | 13kg| F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 10:10:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lx3os/what_do_you_do_to_feel_better_after_gaining_weight/
So I got down to my LW way too fast and got hit by extreme hunger, making me binge and gain about 3kg. To get out of this binge cycle, I’m eating maintenance for a day and then cutting down my calories until I can go back to my normal level. The problem is that my weight gain is extremely noticeable because it’s all in my legs, so I’m extremely depressed. How do you guys deal with weight gain? It’s going to take me about 2 weeks to get back to my LW and idk how to handle feeling so fat every day.

I fell off the wagon
Created: Sat Oct 6 10:09:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lx3au/i_fell_off_the_wagon/
Or onto it... depending on how you view an ED. Gained 7 pounds from a week and half of bingeing. Why is it so much easier to gain than lose? But I’ve been ok this week, I am getting back my control.

[Rant/Rave] I just ate a packet of stevia fml
Created: Sat Oct 6 10:06:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lx2jd/i_just_ate_a_packet_of_stevia_fml/
I’ve never had stevia before, and I was so hungry I ripped open a packet and poured half in my mouth before the horrible taste set in and now I want to puke. At least I’m not hungry anymore. Anyone else do crazy stuff because you’re so hungry you’re not thinking right?

[Discussion] (NSFW) Anyone else feel slightly more confident after having sex?
/u/DiabolicalFruits [5'5 | CW: 150 | GW: 120 | -10 lbs | 18F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 09:41:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lwv98/nsfw_anyone_else_feel_slightly_more_confident/
I always put off having sex cause I thought it would be the opposite, that I was too fat and any guy would be disgusted by me(despite evidence to the contrary, stupid brain). But I finally just said "fuck it" and did it, and...it turned out really well?? Like, he loved my body and couldn't keep his hands off of me. Idk, it just feels good to think maybe I'm not nearly as fat as I thought I was and could be deemed attractive.

Still gonna lose some more weight though, lol. Anyone else feel/felt like this though?

[Rant/Rave] Relationship Rollercoasters and Dumpster Food
/u/kimberlyjackson98 [5'4 | CW 206.4 lbs | HW 233.9 | 36.12 | GW 195 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 09:35:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lwtrv/relationship_rollercoasters_and_dumpster_food/
My boyfriend and I have had a tumultuous last couple of days. Lots of unresolved relationship issues and stress and this recent Venus in retrograde isn’t making it easier. I bought our favorite fried chicken yesterday (Korean fried chicken which is super healthy and delicious) but he wanted nothing to do with the food since I paid with my sexwork money. I think I got through one chicken strip before I gave up on eating because I hate doing it alone and I just threw $30 dollars of food away because I couldn’t be bothered to eat in a stressed mindset. So in my 44 hours deep I. My fast and I gave up. We went home. Later on though after we made up we both admitting to still being hungry and I said how much I felt like a dumbass for throwing all that food away.

Honestly I love my boyfriend so much he went down to our apartment dumpster with me and helped me retrieve the bag of chicken and ate it with me. Luckily the dumpster was empty and our bag was untouched! We went upstairs and feasted. The first food I had eaten to break my fast. It was disgustingly glorious. I’ve honestly have stooped to such new lows in my life recently. Like I know now that dumpster food isn’t even my rock bottom.. wtf 😂 this is not normal

Roommate doesn't drink water with food?
Created: Sat Oct 6 09:27:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lwrku/roommate_doesnt_drink_water_with_food/
Yesterday we were out eating and I asked her if she wanted me to get her a water and she says no, stating that she's trying not to drink water with her meals anymore. I didn't probe because I don't like to make people feel like they have to justify their actions........but I'm still curious. Is this a digestive thing? A weight thing?? Anyone who's ever heard of this let me know!

[Discussion] What is the most weight you’ve gained in a short amount of time From binging ?
Created: Sat Oct 6 09:22:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lwq6k/what_is_the_most_weight_youve_gained_in_a_short/
In under two weeks I’ve gained 15 pounds binging the fuck out. I’m making this post because I need to fucking stop binging but I feel so fucking out of control. I feel like a monster and definitely at this weight I’m not even human anymore . God fucking dam it . I need to seriously get out of this cycle , it’s killing me . This happens when I eat whatever I want and don’t use laxatives . And for some reason this time most of my weight gain is going all to my thighs which fucking is horrible in itself ! I think I’m going to have a panic attack .

[Rant/Rave] My mum did that wrist circle thingy and I didnt like it
/u/LynCross [152.5cm | BMI: 26.6 | CW: 137lbs | GW: 110 lbs| UGW: 100 lbs | F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 09:10:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lwmul/my_mum_did_that_wrist_circle_thingy_and_i_didnt/
my mum noticed my weight loss this morning enough to do the wrist thingy. I can tell she's proud of me for losing weight, but I was also scared she'd notice. She doesn't know what happens in school so I can get away with little eating with excuses.

I still dont think Im thin enough because of my other body parts nor do I notice a significant weight loss.
I also check myself with body checking, staring at the mirror, weighing myself every morning, and that wrist circle thingy.
Thanks mum for making me self conscious but also for noticing my weight loss.

I’m almost the same weight as the bitch he cheated on me with
Created: Sat Oct 6 09:07:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lwm4n/im_almost_the_same_weight_as_the_bitch_he_cheated/
My ex fucked one of my so-called friends while we were exclusive. She weighs 119 lbs and I weighed 126. But I weighed in this morning at 120, and it feels SO fucking good to know in a week I will be thinner than her. I know 120 isn’t that great, but someday I’ll hit double digits and I’ll be way hotter than her. This is amazing motivation. Wish me luck everyone!

haha best appetite suppressant ever
/u/CorrithLavellan [6'0" | 181.8 lb | 24.66/23.70 | -19.4 | 21F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 08:45:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lwges/haha_best_appetite_suppressant_ever/
I decided to take a tab of ecstacy since I've been having such a shitty week. I wanted to feel good for a couple hours.

Boyo I came off it last night, smoked a little weed to prevent the crippling post-depression, managed to sleep, and now im just so empty.

I dont want to do anything besides lay in my bed in my covers.

But the good news is food doesn't even have flavor. My FAVORITE FOODS have no flavor. It's all textures. And those textures are horrible. Part of me wants this to last forever just so I dont eat lmao

I took a bite of ice cream, it just tasted like ice crystals and weird soggy chocolate flakes. Ramen tasted like squishy, bland worms. Rice cakes have the texture of a sponge even when coated in my favorite salsa.

Sorry this is a rant about absolutely nothing. I'm alone in my apartment and empty inside and I thought posting might make me feel a little less so...

lmfao im a failure
Created: Sat Oct 6 08:42:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lwfoa/lmfao_im_a_failure/
I told myself and this sub id restrict to 500 calories a day until my birthday and have still been eating over 3k a day IM NOT EVEN HUNGRY the food doesn’t even taste good im sabotaging my entire summers worth of effort i wanna die :( however i have plans to meet with this super cute guy on halloween (we live super far from eachother) and im thinking ... thats a real solid motivation thing how much weight could i theoretically lose by halloween if i eat the bare minimum :||| ive been treating this sub like a rant/vent dump and i feel terrible but literally only you guys understand poor relationships with food my mom was like “why dont you just stop eating if you get fat” thanks momm

Question about body dysmorphia?
/u/TinyJarOfRocks [5’1 | CW 107 GW 95]
Created: Sat Oct 6 08:11:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lw7up/question_about_body_dysmorphia/
Hello! I’ve struggled with an ED for the better part of the last 10 years or so. Despite this I’ve had few issues with body image, I could acknowledge I wasn’t fat and that my face was okay. I just desired to be skinny, yknow? I liked the control and the look of it.

Anyway recently I’ve been successfully losing weight. I’m down three lbs, some of my clothes fit more loosely, but despite this I feel like I am still massive, and I feel like I look like I’m gaining weight. Every time I look in the mirror I feel like my belly grows.

My question is, I suppose, is this body dysmorphia? It’s such a strange feeling. Or could I actually be gaining weight in one place and losing it in others??!

[Discussion] TMI But...
Created: Sat Oct 6 08:10:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lw7jl/tmi_but/
Does anyone else get raging anxiety that causes them the shit their brains out? Because same

The more weight I lose, the fatter I feel.
Created: Sat Oct 6 08:05:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lw6b2/the_more_weight_i_lose_the_fatter_i_feel/
I have plenty of weight to lose, I’m just barely entering a healthy weight from the top end, and I know I’m still literally fat. At the same time, I’m a lot smaller than I was, at my smallest since junior high actually, and down like 6 pant sizes from my heaviest.

But now, all I can see is how fat I still am. I’m dismayed and ashamed and embarrassed by how big my pants still are, and I can’t believe I ever wore 6 sizes larger than this. I feel I need to be at least 2 sizes smaller to even be average sized.

It’s this weird thing where I feel better, I know I’m more fit, I’m 1000% more in control of my body, and yet I feel tangibly fatter than I’ve ever felt. I feel disgusting, and like I definitely need to lose a lot more weight.

At my high weight, I’d be all body positivity and I just want to feel good, maybe if 20 lbs came off me naturally, that’d be fine, but not my goal. Now that I’m 80ish lbs down from my consistent high weight (and 100lbs down from my actual high weight), I’m like fuck yes, how can I lose 30 more pounds, because holy shit I needed to, like yesterday.

Ugh. This is some kind of mind fuck. Can anyone relate?

[Discussion] For those who eat less than 600cals a day
/u/aha98 [160cm CW: 132.6lbs LW: ~115lbs GW: 105lbs F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 07:48:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lw2dy/for_those_who_eat_less_than_600cals_a_day/
What does your typical day look like?

[Help] Help! low calorie tiki drinks?
Created: Sat Oct 6 07:40:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lw0fw/help_low_calorie_tiki_drinks/
I won’t drag you guys down with the details, but I’m going out to eat for every meal today (I’m not too concerned about this) before going out to THREE TO FOUR tiki bars.

Fuck! This means I’ll have to get at least one drink at each location (it’s only myself and 3 others so I have to order).

Does anyone know of tiki drinks that are at least a little lower in calories compared to the really intense liquid calorie bombs? Or at least ones to avoid!

[Discussion] What’s the most weight you’ve lost in a week
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 |CW 118 | GW 115 | GW 105-110 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 07:31:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lvyf3/whats_the_most_weight_youve_lost_in_a_week/
I’m just curious about you guys and what’s the most you’ve lost in a week. I wanna lose 3 pounds and plan on doing mono this week.

[Other] Has anyone here done research studies?
/u/bmalaur [5'4" | 24F | HW: 127 | CW: 103 | LW: 85]
Created: Sat Oct 6 07:13:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lvum9/has_anyone_here_done_research_studies/
I've been sorta desperate trying to find some kind of evidence-based treatment for adult anorexia & feeling hopeless.

I noticed that since I'm in a major city several of the universities and hospitals here have ongoing research trials... maybe I can help others and make some extra cash getting MRIs on my stupid brain.

Has anyone else done these out of curiosity?

[Rant/Rave] 'I'm proud of you for maintaining'
/u/emotional_low [164cm | CW: 124lbs | -57lbs | F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 06:54:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lvqbi/im_proud_of_you_for_maintaining/
So this happened sometime last week, but it's been bouncing around my head ever since and I just can't forget it.

I was talking to my best friend about my disordered behaviors, and how I wanted to try and stop and get better. I can't really remember much about the conversation other than I said I had been B/Ping more than restricting, so I had virtually maintained my weight over summer.

After I said my bit and vented to her she said 'I'm proud of you for maintaining' (or something similar to that, I'm bad at remembering specific details, sorry :( ).

AGH. In all honesty I felt crappier this summer than I ever have done. I'm in a worse place when I'm B/Ping than when I'm restricting. At least with restriction there's hope that someone will reach out and help because I'll finally be 'sick enough', or that I might finally lose enough to feel good about myself. When I B/P I just feel like shit. The health consequences are also just as bad from B/Ping than from restricting too. B/P cycles are just shit.

So why was she proud? Did she somehow think it had gotten better all because I maintained? I felt like screaming that maintaining was NOT MY GOAL and that I 100% did not maintain on purpose. I just kinda murmured thank you and changed the subject.

I'm still really triggered by it rn though.


Ooof anyways, what do you guys think of this?


Does anyone go by weekly average?
Created: Sat Oct 6 06:54:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lvq4e/does_anyone_go_by_weekly_average/
I thought about this before but usually dismissed the idea because I usually like to just eat whatever I want (as little as I can, as much as I allow myself) and see where I end up while having a daily upper limit. But I just got thinking, and of course I'd love to save my wrecked metabolism and up my calories, but still feel like restricting, so If I ate to a limit of say 900 a week, then restricted to 250 twice a week, I'd average in 714 calories weekly. And because those are upper limits, I would be usually under.

Does anyone do this and do you think this has actual benefits to the metabolism? Or is it easier just to stick to a daily limit?

[Help] Weight gain or water retention
Created: Sat Oct 6 06:52:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lvppd/weight_gain_or_water_retention/
Hi guys! I’ve been lurking for a while but just made an account just to post this because I’m sort of freaking out.

I weighed myself two weeks ago and found that I had nearly undone ALL my process of the summer through a week of binging. I was 112, and then haven’t had an opportunity to weigh myself since then.

I haven’t had any major binges (!!!) but have had a few higher cal days. I also don’t log every thing I eat so even though I would say most days are logged at about 800, I’ve probably been eating at about an average of 1000 or 1100 a day. According to the app I use, this should still be enough to lose about a pound or pound and a half a week.
This morning, I finally had a chance to weigh myself and I’m fucking 113. I don’t understand how this is even possible, I don’t feel or look bloated, is it possible that my metabolism is so messed up that I’ve been eating high enough to gain??
Does anyone have any suggestions on how to decipher if this is weight gain or just bloating?? I’m just freaking out right now, I just had a mini binge on about 300 cals of chocolate and it’s only 10 a.m :(

[Discussion] question for y'all about confidence levels while in binge/restrict cycles
Created: Sat Oct 6 06:46:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lvohw/question_for_yall_about_confidence_levels_while/
so i've noticed through the past 3-4 significant losses (160 -> 140, 180 -> 145, 157 -> 134, 164 -> 140) weirdly, i feel most confident mid binging/gaining back when im avoiding the scale and putting on 10 lbs a month, and its at the absolute rock bottom while losing weight no matter what my LW for the restrict cycle is.

my confidence is absolutely so down its in the core of the earth when i'm restricting/losing, even though i look objectively better/get more compliments and attention.. like its actually harder for me to date/keep a dick appointment when im restricting because i am so VISIBLY self conscious, like even according to guys ive been fucking a while when im losing weight the visible self hatred basically cancels out the weight loss in terms of making me more attractive. so wtf? i feel like i should hate myself more when im binging and gaining, and at a certain threshold, i do and start losing, but when im restricting i hate my body so much and get such bad dysmorphia that just gets worse and worse when i lose and i feel like my brains straight up broken.

like im 140 rn, i was 162-3 less than 2 months ago, and i literally thought i was the biggest girl at this party and i made a joke about it and my friend was like ??????????? and pointed out a couple people i was allegedly thinner than and i just... cannot see it period. whereas when im binging gaining weight i feel like i can see my body more candidly/without tons of dysmorphia. its making me crazy and frustrated and i feel like it should be the opposite and im broken lol.

anyone get this? or would like to talk about their average confidence through restricting vs binging if its different? im curious but also would like to feel less alone in this because its so frustrating lmaoooo

[Rant/Rave] Obese and morbidly obese youtubers are fucking my head up.
Created: Sat Oct 6 06:25:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lvk2o/obese_and_morbidly_obese_youtubers_are_fucking_my/
This may be incoherent, sorry.
Like most of I am a HUGE (hah) watcher of shows like Supersize vs Superskinny, my 600lb life, secret eaters, the biggest loser, several competitive eating chanels (Matt Stonie) and several HAES "movement" members.
Typically when watching obese/morb obese people eat I feel 0 sympathy or empathy,they made the choice to get to their size, to publicly share their efforts to change size, and then to continue to eat shit in the public eye claiming they dont know how they are staying the same size. It is an anger that pushes me through my hardest days to keep on track.
Recently I've been watching a youtuber called Amerlynn Reid who is almost 600 lbs and gaining despite having been on a "weight loss journey" her entire youtube career- 7 years.
She terrifies me.
She honestly seems to believe she isnt eating enough to maintain, let alone lose, weight despite sharing her minimum 2,000 calorie a day diet half of which she doesn't log as calories.
I see so much of myself in her.
The excuses, the disheartening feeling of not knowing why, the shame, the confusion, the addiction to anything that makes you feel good for a second but angry and guilty for a life time, the dependency. She reminds me of me when I was an addict, to drugs not food, and scares me that I'm only one cheat snack away from following in her gigantic footsteps.

Lose weight better with carbs than with keto?
/u/linedryonly [5'5"♀| CW 130 | SW 145 | LW 102 | GW 110]
Created: Sat Oct 6 06:14:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lvhr2/lose_weight_better_with_carbs_than_with_keto/
I've tried keto in various forms a few times, but always fail. I feel ravenously hungry, feverish, and grumpy and I have never made it past 48 hours.
Every time I successfully restrict for a long period of time, it's when I'm eating 50%-70% of my calories from carbs. I'm never hungry as long as I have adequate electrolytes/caffeine and I can go on for weeks and months without getting any of the keto symptoms.
Does anyone else's body react to carbs/protein this way? I really want to master keto, but since I'm losing weight and maintaining energy on carbs, I'm wondering if it's even worth it. Is my body just weird?

[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! October 06, 2018
Created: Sat Oct 6 06:11:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lvh7z/stupid_questions_saturday_october_06_2018/
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for October 06, 2018.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**


Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! October 06, 2018
Created: Sat Oct 6 06:10:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lvgxf/daily_food_diary_october_06_2018/
This is a daily food diary thread for October 06, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)

[Discussion] UPDATE
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 |CW 118 | GW 115 | GW 105-110 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 05:53:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lvdjc/update/
Neither the smooth move tea nor the salt water flush made me go: I’m salty. I guess I’ll use two tea bags and let it steep for 15 rather than 10 minutes.

[Help] I can’t stop eating please help me
/u/twa1238 [F25| 158cm | CW 🐄 |]
Created: Sat Oct 6 05:21:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lv7tm/i_cant_stop_eating_please_help_me/
So two days ago my parents said some really really really hurtful things and some other stuff happened and I think it triggered a small nervous breakdown or something. I was pretty tense anyway because I had (mini) binged for the first time in over two months and gained weight so it hit me even harder. Yesterday I binged again, but like.. a real binge. I‘m very good at restricting usually and my house is filled with snacks and ice cream and all and I ate everything and what I didn’t get before I fell asleep I ate today

I have no safe foods left (they’re not safe anymore anyway I guess since I binged on them), and I can’t even bring up the energy to go and try purging (but I just downed a box of cereal so I really should)

My body hurts and I still want to eat so much I don’t know what to do. I gained so much weight, I was under my gw and now I’m at the weight I was THREE weeks ago.

How can I stop myself from eating please help me I’m completely freaking out I can’t go back to being fat but I can’t stop eating and crying about eating and then eating more

[Discussion] DAE woosh after a binge?
/u/lighghtup [5'7" | 177 | 27.6 | 19F | thicc]
Created: Sat Oct 6 03:50:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lusna/dae_woosh_after_a_binge/
i was fasting all day yesterday and had oatmeal at like 10pm, which then led me to order mcdonalds and binge like 2k (darn you ubereats for your conveniency).

the next morning i woke up and told myself i’d restrict until the next millennium but i looked the skinniest i had been in weeks ?? science explain

[Help] Too afraid to go to the doctor's because I'm afraid of coming to terms with what I've done to myself, but still not sick enough to go because I've gained weight
/u/peanutbutterismylife [5'6" | CW: 86 | BMI: 13.9 | 21 / F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 03:43:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lurl0/too_afraid_to_go_to_the_doctors_because_im_afraid/
I have had AN b/p type for coming up on 5 years now. The last time I saw a doctor for a legitimate check up was 4 years ago when I was in IP. The last time I saw a dentist was also 4 years ago when I got my wisdom teeth removed. The last time I saw a psychiatrist was 3 years ago before I left for college. I've seen my OP psychologist sporadically when I've come home from breaks.

I like to kid myself that I am in great health, because on paper I am. Pretty much all I eat is fruit and veggies and vegetarian proteins. I run 30-40 miles a week (since I'm low key slacking ever since I started work). In reality, I b/p multiple times a week (used to be multiple times a day, so I guess slight improvement?), I haven't been above 95 pounds in 5 years, and I've had my period about 4 times throughout that same duration. I can tell the enamel on my front teeth is really worn down, but I pretend that I have the same "great teeth genes" that got my dad through the first 26 years of his life in a refugee camp without ever seeing a dentist and never having a cavity. Mentally, I have not progressed toward recovery in the slightest. I stopped taking the psych meds prescribed to me in IP because they were too expensive and made me unable to sleep.

And for the last 3 years, any time the subject of my health came up, I said that going to the doctor / dentist / whatever was too expensive and I couldn't afford it without insurance. While I did have insurance, it was through my dad, so any time a reimbursement came it would go to him and he would just pocket the cash.

But now I have a job with a great salary, and great insurance to boot, and I am too fucking scared of what might be wrong with me to go. And at the same time, I'm too embarrassed to call myself an anorexic because I'm almost 10 pounds higher than my lowest weight of 78lbs. I keep telling myself that I can see a doctor and go to my old psych when I'm back at my LW, because until then there's nothing wrong with me.

I don't really know what the point of this post is since the obvious answer is "go to the doctor you mellow dramatic bitch," but I have had a constant battle in my head ever since I first got sick of rational "you are destroying your health" and eating disorder "you're not even ill," and this sub is the only place that would be able to relate. What would you do in my shoes?

Thanks for reading the wall of text if you managed to make it this far, and have a great weekend. Love you all! <3

[Help] Feeling stuffed
/u/AspergersAndCoffee [5'2F | CW spooky scary skeleton | Recovering (?)]
Created: Sat Oct 6 03:34:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9luq8r/feeling_stuffed/
Whether post-binge, extreme hunger or for those already used to small meals, after a 'regular' one, how do you feel better quicker? (I just started recovering and eat a ton. But when I'm satisfied, my stomach is stuffed! It doesn't feel well lol)

[Help] I’m so afraid of what might happen
Created: Sat Oct 6 02:27:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9luflm/im_so_afraid_of_what_might_happen/
I was fine. I was in recovery and have been since February but I stopped eating on Monday. I want to eat so badly. But my brain and my body scream conflicting things at me. Even my brain can’t agree on what it wants. I used to be able to eat chocolate and crisps and Brest and butter and pb and j sanwitches and cheese and now even when I tried to raise a rice cake to my mouth I get a wave of nausea and panic and throw it away. I didn’t realise it would come back so fast.

(I’ve currently been fasting for 108 hours and I want to break it so badly. I want to eat but I can’t. I just can’t stop. )

My previous desires of weight loss have also come up again. I was alright with where I was but now I just want to starve until I either become skinny or die and I’m so afraid

[Rant/Rave] I hate that food exists lol
Created: Sat Oct 6 02:00:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lubhh/i_hate_that_food_exists_lol/
I’m getting stressed to the point of crying about planning my meals for the next few days. Literally just because my family invited me to lunch & dad invited me to breakfast. On top of that there’s so much food I’m gonna have to eat from my fridge because it’s about to go off, BUT I don’t have the right ingredients to make what I Iike and eating something I don’t enjoy is the worst feeling ever for me. I hate how such a simple fucking thing like a meal with my loved ones/ wasting food makes me want to die. I’m painfully aware of how absolutely fucking ridiculous these problems are too and it makes it even worse because I can’t change how i feel about it. I feel extra horrible because when I’m in this anxious stressy mood I’m a cunt to everyone around me and end up ruining other people’s mood too.

[Intro] Can I just tell you all what I've been wanting to say for 5 years now?
Created: Sat Oct 6 01:45:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lu992/can_i_just_tell_you_all_what_ive_been_wanting_to/
Possibly content warning for suicide mentions and stuff. I hope I'm not breaking any rules?

I have been lurking for a long time on a pretty-decently sized account. That account was riddled with posts to certain self-help subreddits. I've had that account longer than I've had this ED. I didn't discover this subreddit until this year.

For the first time, I just.. want to talk about this. I've only told my private accounts, but I really just want to spill my shit.

My ED started when I was 16. I weighed 152. I would skip lunch and sip on crystal light with my friend, and I never weighed myself. I was inspired by the severe depression-related weight loss I had in 8th grade. I didn't get very far.

It came back harder and harder every summer with my depression-related weight loss. Every time I'd lose, I'd gain far far more. My ED came back around winter break, freshman year of college. I'd do OMAD at night, and I dropped so much. I gained ALL of that back within a few days because I ate whole pizzas and I hated myself. Every single day, I wanted to die, because of this binging shit. I have stretchmarks that remind me how I've starved and then binged and then starved and binged. New red lines pop up when I gain. They have reached past my belly button. I haven't seen new lines since March 2018, so that's good.

I've been doing OMAD for a few months, and I went from 185 to 135 between that time. I didn't realize how much weight I've lost until I came back to my mom's and I checked the scale. In July, I was 148. In August, I was 135. I haven't had my woosh yet, and ideally, I'd like to stop at 125. But I said that at 135, and I am still unhappy.

I can't go to parties without being flustered, and I don't eat the whole day to make sure I look better than everyone else. That's my thing, I just want to be the prettiest girl in the room. For so, so long, I was the ugliest one. I look at old pictures of myself and want to cry. I just want to, for once, be the pretty one out of my friend group. Not feel insecure. I just want to be beautiful.

As I lose weight, my confidence comes back. I don't look the same as I did. This time around, I have so much more knowledge than when I did when I was just sipping crystal light and not eating all day and hating my life. I know about TDEEs and electrolytes. I didn't know that last summer, and I passed out on campus and had to lay there while I tried not to black out.

In a way, I'm almost regretful that I know so much more about how to live while being this ill, but I'd rather do it as healthy as possible than not at all.

I guess about me: I'm vegetarian, I'm trying to be as vegan as possible. I'm 5'3", 135 (Was 185 when I ended my binge cycle in Jan '18) This is the lowest weight I've ever been in in my life (well, since I started measuring, as I started my ED at 152.) I feel like I latch onto this so hard because it's the only thing in my life I can control right now. People treat you differently when you're prettier and thinner and well put-together. You get free food, you get better scored in job interviews. I know that under all of this, there is someone who is a beautiful girl, and I know that one day I'll see that girl without the aid of me restricting and fasting, but it's just unrealistic right now.

I dunno, I just want so badly to be neurotypical... but like, I also want to be skinny and pretty and respected as well. Being neglected in life due to your appearance takes a toll, and when someone finally respects you and sees that you look normal enough to talk to and not even on no superficial shit, it feels good to be treated... like a human. People have admitted to avoiding me because of how I looked and how sloppy I was. I don't want to be that anymore. I don't know what I want... all I know is I'm finally ready to talk about this after 5-6 years.

I turn 21 in March. I feel pathetic for being on sites like this and MPA STILL, but... I am here.

I made a peach too for quick little ramblings about how I hate my shitty mental illnesses @chilidabrat


How does one stop the obsession?
Created: Sat Oct 6 01:22:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lu5dv/how_does_one_stop_the_obsession/
I'm SO ANNOYED about how my brain is ruminating about food stuff and losing weight all day. I can't have conversations or do basic human stuff and I'm dropping out of fucking uni because of this. It's not even just when I restrict too much, but also in binge cycles.

Yesterday I went out with friends to see a movie, and one got a giant big bag of M&Ms, it sat next to her all the time and she grabbed maybe two or three pieces throught all the movie. She probably just forgot about them. Then just nonchalantly packeg them into her back when we left. All while I had the worst binge urges and when I got home, raid the whole kitchen. Ugh. I'm so jealous of people like her :(

[Rant/Rave] Relapse Rant Possibly Triggering
/u/watercolorhoney [5'2 | CW:137 | GW:115 | Female]
Created: Sat Oct 6 01:05:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lu2ig/relapse_rant_possibly_triggering/
This is a Rant, about how I relapsed recently. I'm not currently doing very well, so if this post is a mess it reflects how my brain is functioning right about now.

After 2 years of no bulimia impulses and fighting the urge when they came, yesterday I finally cracked. I forgot how addictive the feeling was. How much I essentially craved doing it. I finally just caved in from all the stress and my body dysmorphia just harassing me all day. I was itching in my skin to just fix it.

Today, I couldn't go without 10 minutes of just focusing on my food. I couldn't get myself to eat anything that I didn't know the calories of. I had to revert back to my safe foods to be able to eat without having the urge to just vomit everything. I had to track everything down to the ounce. I couldn't function without putting everything into my fitness pal. My dysmorphia makes it where I can't even look in the mirror without seeing a pudgy fat horrible person. All I can see is just the overweight version. My stomach feels upset and bloated.

The worst part of this fucking addiction is that purging just relieves everything. All my stress just seems to go away, but then that undeniable anger and resentment towards myself just creeps in when that euphoria disappears. I can already feel myself settling back into my old habits. I struggled to convince myself to eat normally around my boyfriend. I feel like the only thing that can take away all my worry and anxiety is restricting and then purging when I eat anything.

I CAN'T DO THIS TO MYSELF. I CAN'T DO THIS TO MY BOYFRIEND. I can't let this control my life again.

I feel so so weak. So angry. So very alone.


[Discussion] I’m a loser.
/u/conuretrash [5'3.5''| 20 F | CW 148 | GW 115| -42 |]
Created: Sat Oct 6 01:00:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lu1mj/im_a_loser/
I’m fat and ugly and my body is so gross. I’m overweight and I hate myself. On top of it all I’m actually a loser with no friends. Just thought you should all know I’m not pretty like anyone here. I’m ugly on the inside, too. I feel so fake posting here when I’m so fat and ugly and this sub is for anyone. I don’t have any friends I don’t have a life I have nothing. I’m sorry to be alive. I’m ashamed.

Im sick and tired
/u/minicemilo [Height:167cm| CW:51kg| BMI:18.3 | GW:47kg| Gender:F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 00:53:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lu0ew/im_sick_and_tired/
I was so obsessed with counting calories and weighing myself. I still remembered avoiding water because i will gain weight. Looking back, i have improved as i’m not that particular about how much kcal i can eat (but i still restrict). Im just tired of hearing this from my mom “We need to see the doctor again. You’re period isn’t here yet.” Like yes i know that. I’m trying so hard everyday to eat more but I always fail whenever i see my weight... Back then i was 49kg.. I looked dead but man at least i didn’t feel that negative about myself... I have a qn though, if you’re recovered, how long did it take for your period to come back? And did you increase your food intake or nah?

[Help] Hi - new and socially anxious!
Created: Sat Oct 6 00:38:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ltxx1/hi_new_and_socially_anxious/
So, I’ve been lurking here for a while now and you guys seem really nice soooo... I’m saying something. I might go back to lurking, but hey ho, hi for now! I have had disordered eating for a while, but nothing I’ve ever been willing to classify as an ED, regardless of my level of restricting - bc, you know, I’m totally fine, just lost weight due to digestion problems/not hungry/healthy diet. Hahaha. I’m not going to go into a whole backstory at the moment bc at the end of the day, it’s all a tldr, different version of the same story.

I’m posting now because I feel awful. My boyfriend just got an amazing opportunity and I’m so proud of him. Part of that opportunity includes a bit of being on stage. He was one of those skinny as a rail kids who gained weight as he grew up and became less active and one of his first reactions to the stage thing was “I have to lose weight.”

What do I say? Not “You’re ridiculous, you look great, don’t even think about it.” Of course, ever so helpful ED-brain says, “Oh! Well, I can help you! It’s all CICO, I just need your exact height and weight and I can calculate your TDEE for you and then you can track your deficit and calories to in MFP. You’ll drop it in no time. ”

Wtf is wrong with me? He’s not overweight by any stretch and here I am like “Welcome to the wonderful world of calorie counting!” Am I that in need of an ED buddy?

Anyway... Idk what the point of this is exactly, it just made me feel kind of awful and I thought you guys would understand.

[Rant/Rave] flipping out rn
/u/lawsoflife [5'5'' | CW: 170 GW: 110 | -40 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 00:17:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ltuhe/flipping_out_rn/
I just hate myself so bad at the moment. I’ve been planning on going out with my friends this weekend and I’ve been restricting HARD this whole week to prepare for it. Like i went so hard I’m at the lowest weight I’ve been in YEARS. So of course I go out, have like 2 drinks, puke in the bathroom since all I have in me is alcohol, and then go home with this dude. Guys. This rando came inside me :(. I told him so many times that was my boundary and of course he fucking crossed it. I’ve never had someone disregard me like that during sex; I just told him off, had him get me an Uber, and left. Now I have to get plan b once the store opens but I’m just crying and freaking out. I was so happy this morning on the scale and of course I just had to sabotage it for myself.

I don’t know why I’m even posting this here, I just feel like you all are the only ones who understand anything about me. I can’t talk to anyone else

[Rant/Rave] Unexpected pros and cons-Airbnb edition.
/u/linedryonly [5'5"♀| CW 130 | SW 145 | LW 102 | GW 110]
Created: Fri Oct 5 23:54:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ltq6v/unexpected_pros_and_consairbnb_edition/
So I'm in Seoul for a weekend and the Airbnb is great because there's no food here and I can just not eat all weekend. Other pros include a full length mirror (!) which is a huge relief because I can finally see my whole body for the first time since January.
Unexpected con: no scale. It's not exactly surprising but I hate that I can't check my weight while I'm here.
Anybody else have unexpected pros/cons from today?

[Other] I don’t know what to do now
/u/pickles023 [5'6"|CW: 125.2|BMI: 20.29|GW: 110|22 F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 23:50:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ltpht/i_dont_know_what_to_do_now/
Trigger warning: miscarriage/relapse

I don’t know how to handle this. I lost my baby earlier today. I was only 3 1/2 months along, but I was already excited to meet my little one. I was in recovery, going to parenting classes, getting my shit together. I even told my boyfriend and parents about my relapse!

But now I’m crying on the floor of my bathroom at 2am after puking up everything I’ve eaten today, and planing a run this morning even though my doctor said no. Im already back to square one in my recovery, and to be honest, I don’t want to recover now. Now I’m trying to figure out what the fuck I’m going to do with the rest of my life. To be honest, I’m probably just going to go back to being miserable like I was before. Obviously I wasn’t meant to have a baby. I’d be a crappy mom anyways.

I wasn’t far enough along to tell anyone besides my boyfriend, and he’s so shaken up that he won’t talk to me. So here I am freaking the fuck out. Sorry everybody.

[Goal] Semi Recovery / Future diet Plans
Created: Fri Oct 5 23:04:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ltgtu/semi_recovery_future_diet_plans/
So I started in restriction valley and ended up developing out of control binge eating/ bulimia. I've fasted for over 30 days these past three months, an average of 10 days per month - YET my binge eating is so bad, even though I still purge 50% of the time, I've \*\*gained\*\*

So out of defeat, I'm going to start eating - planned food. If I have a day where that day I feel like fasting then fuck yes I'll do it. My issue is however, that as per lately, I can't trust myself to fast if I don't have backup safe foods. And I can't live off just snacks as I have a tendancy to just snack THEN binge later on / end up binging on snacks.

So I'm going to try eat small 200 - 300 cal meals once or dare I most, TWICE, a day. I get scared thinking of even trying to eat 600 cals without it being an accident/ binge, but that would be the maximum. I think this should be semi sustainable especially if I allow myself to eat twice and I'm chosing fairly protien heavy foods low fat/ low carb.

November might be no meat novemeber - could try plant protien shakes.

Anyways my birthday is in 3 months and so I'm excited to be my goal weight for then. Because If I can sustain this, surely I'll be able to reach my goal.

Hope everyone is having a lovely day, and remember, things will be okay. One step at a time. <3

[Discussion] Anyone else a completely average weight?
Created: Fri Oct 5 21:32:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lsy5c/anyone_else_a_completely_average_weight/
Posting here with a throwaway, long time lurker. Sorry for the long rant - this is years of bottled up mishegoss . . .


So I went way over my calorie limit yesterday, after a longish stretch of restriction. Decided today would be a fast day, which it was, until a 10PM social event centered around extraordinarily binge-able food rolled around, and lo and behold, I think I managed to go above 2000 calories in a single sitting. So I spent all day hungry and unproductive, and STILL ate too much. Now I'm just stewing in self-hatred, debating whether to just keep on eating, since tomorrow I know I'll go straight back to restriction.


Has anyone else never lost significant weight? I'm at a BMI of around 22, and have been pretty much my whole post-puberty life. Never fat, never skinny, just . . . bleh. No one else would ever be able to tell I have anything wrong with my eating, but my life is literally nonstop thinking about calories and looking at progress pictures and staring at all the other skinnier, way more beautiful girls around me.


Basically, heavy restriction - bad enough to stop my period, etc - punctured by just enough infrequent binges to keep my weight at a complete standstill. Running every day, having people compliment me for having the "discipline" to exercise and eat vegetables. I hate all of it, but I lie and pretend cardio is just so *relaxing*, and I *love* raw broccoli. Oh, this food scale? Yeah, I just like keeping track of things, you know, just out of *curiosity*.


But it's not discipline - it's obsession. I have this calculator in my brain I can't turn off, ever. I've been this way for years, now, and the kicker is . . .


I have absolutely nothing to show for it. I'm completely average. And every time is "the LAST binge", every day is a New Start (TM). Occasionally I lose like 3 lbs of water weight, feel great, drink water, gain it back . . . then feel like shit. Never dated anyone - been asked out a few times, but like old saying goes, "any club that would have me as a member," etc, etc. The idea of a person finding me attractive is just completely bizarre and off-putting to me. I imagine getting to a BMI of 18.5 will solve all my problems, even though I know it won't. I can view the situation logically, can quote Judith Butler and critique media portrayals of women's bodies, but at the same time I'm completely at the mercy of this thing.


When I think of all the things I could use this mental energy on - all the things I could've accomplished - it's fucking sickening. I used to win big awards for a particular hobby of mine, but I've completely given it up to spend time counting almonds. I'm wasting my life on this, and I'm not even skinny. I don't even get to have that.


Once in a while I'll think about trying to heal my relationship with food. But I'm terrified of gaining weight. If this level of complete, slavish devotion to counting calories is what it takes to maintain a BMI of 22 . . . what the fuck would I look like if I wasn't this way? I'd be obese, I'm sure of it. And I don't even know why that scares me so much, but it does. Somewhere along the way, I turned from a little girl who loved Skittles and didn't brush her hair to a woman who spends the bulk of her mental energy thinking about her appearance and the appearance of the women around her. And then I have the hypocrisy to call myself a feminist. I recently watched Mean Girls, and all I could think was how much I had in common with the antagonists. "I just want to lose 3 lbs" - I guess for most people, that's a joke . . .


Sometimes I wonder how common this kind of food obsession is among women, and how much it holds us back as a gender. I wonder how many collective hours women have spent thinking about their waistlines, their upper arms, the number on the scale. It's such a horrible feeling - to intellectually be aware of how illogical your thoughts are, but to be completely unable to do anything about it. I'm sick of this, I'm exhausted, but I can't stop. Bleg.

[Rant/Rave] I only look good underweight
/u/coconutfi [5'9" | 17.1 | 21F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 21:29:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lsxig/i_only_look_good_underweight/
Currently comparing myself from old pics when I was 10-20 lbs heavier.

My striking features when I'm very thin fade to nothing with even just few pounds on them. My nice facial features shrink behind a layer of fat. My look goes from sophisticated to a little sloppy. Even the way I walk looks different.

It's not just my subjective opinion though. People respond differently to 130lb me and 116lb me. And don't get me started on 140lb me. That was the only time a committed guy has suddenly lost interest (who also happened to meet me when I was in the low 17s). And I've seen a lot of 5'9 140lb women who look fantastic, small and feminine, with beautiful facial features. 140lbs is still thin for 5'9. My features don't look good the way they should with a healthy amount of fat. My features aren't features until I force them to be.

Compliments are infrequent at a 19+ BMI. 18 and lower? The floodgates open. Guys I'm with are more touchy and mention my body more. The amount I'm hit on/pursued increases tenfold. Strangers are more friendly and talkative.

I have considered that this may be my dysmorphia, which it very likely somewhat is, but I have heard so many stories/experiences that match mine to a tee that I believe it's a societal thing. On top of that I also have fat that distributes awkwardly around my body and changes my face shape from sharp to blob.

Currently I'm just high-drunk-38 hours fasted and ranting trying to distract myself from food.

[Rant/Rave] Visiting parents, took a day trip turned binge, sos what can I do to bounce back?
/u/WantsToPetAllTheDogs [5’3| CW 105 | SW 123 | GW 100 | F24]
Created: Fri Oct 5 21:21:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lsvpl/visiting_parents_took_a_day_trip_turned_binge_sos/
Visiting the parents for a few days. Enabling the binge. Carbs aplenty. Here’s what I shoved at my face today:
• bagel
• 2 slices of an 11” pepperoni pizza
• 2.5 apple cider donuts
• cider flight (4 tasters - maybe 6oz ea.)
• 1 pint of a Vienna lager
• slice of chocolate mousse pie

Laying on my side in bed and feel absolutely disgusting. Also ate a bag of SunChips and had a massive bowl of pasta and a bbq sandwich with macaroni in the past two days so returning home has turned into a binge.

What can I do to bounce back and not feel like a worthless POS? Already in a ball from anxiety about finals in six weeks and my parents don’t understand. Doesn’t help. Alone and scared and feeling worthless.

Hopefully the end of this nightmare (for now)
Created: Fri Oct 5 21:19:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lsvbd/hopefully_the_end_of_this_nightmare_for_now/
I posted not too long ago saying how im relapsing after being recovered for around 2 years. (I guess I go through never-ending cycles). Today I was going through pictures with my boyfriend from the beach this summer that had disgusted me when they first came out. I looked at them and actually finally was okay with how I looked. Months ago I thought i looked like a whale but now I realize I look normal and did then too. The past week or so I've been so down and stressed and freaked at how fat I felt I looked, and bf has been trying to help out, but I finally am okay. I hope this period of feeling okay lasts longer than normal.

[Discussion] Has anyone else suffered from anorexia and BED?
Created: Fri Oct 5 21:16:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lsus7/has_anyone_else_suffered_from_anorexia_and_bed/
It's mostly just reassurance for me that it's not a totally abnormal thing but I have no idea if it is or not? My lowest weight has been 90 lbs and my highest was almost 200. I'm at about 150 right now which is my lowest weight in about 2 1/2 years (probably longer). I was hospitalized for anorexia when I was 15 (I'm 20 now) and on and off struggled with binge eating after I "recovered" but then I was sexually assaulted at 17 and I went into full blown binge eating disorder and gained 60 pounds in less than a year. About a year and a half later I got kicked out of my house (I was at my highest weight here I believe) and had to move an hour and a half away from the town I grew up in and eventually my anorexia came back and I lost about 20 pounds. Then I started dating my dating my boyfriend a few months later and my life was good as hell and it was something that was pushed back a lot for a whole year and not something I really thought about ever so my weight fluctuated a lot bc even tho I wasn't starving myself or binge eating, i still had horrible eating habits bc Ive never actually learned how to eat normally. Now it is 2018 and its been a really shitty year for me and I've been going through anorexia phases (??? Idk if it's right to call it that but I'll go like a few months where it's really bad and then another couple months where it's not in my mind much) but I've lost about 40 lbs since march.

Sorry kinda venting there it doesn't have anything to do with the question but nice to get off my chest and type out lol

But yeah has anyone else suffered from both BED and anorexia? Is it something semi-common or am I just weird

[Rant/Rave] I’m not weighing myself anymore.
Created: Fri Oct 5 20:58:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lsqx0/im_not_weighing_myself_anymore/
Nope. Nope. Nope. Not fucking doing it anymore. I get obsessed with every little fluctuation. It’s gotten to the point where it affects my entire day. Oh, I gained a pound that’s probably due to water retention? I can’t fucking eat the rest of the day! Oh, I dropped a pound? Better stuff my face and call it a cheat day!

I really don’t have a balanced relationship with food. My weight is pretty much stagnant thanks to my binge/restrict cycle. I hate it.

[Rant/Rave] small victory
/u/violentyetflammable [5'6" | CW: 170 | UGW: 95 | F22]
Created: Fri Oct 5 20:50:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lsp4a/small_victory/
so today I had a salad with no dressing which is huge for my usual indulgent bad habits AND the scale is 5 pounds less than like a week and a half ago!!!! But I'm not going to change my flair until I see if that fluctuates and I was kinda bummed today but this makes me happy !!!!

I stayed up late and wrote a bunch of gobbletygook
Created: Fri Oct 5 20:41:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lsn44/i_stayed_up_late_and_wrote_a_bunch_of_gobbletygook/
I know from the outside it can look like such a small thing. The glass that separates you, the outside looking in advantage that you bask in can keep you from seeing the reality that we live in. For you, it's just that small thing, that tiny, tiny one thing and because of that it seems so peculiar.

I can tell you, no glass separates my vantage from this reality. I am swallowed by it. Consumed, regurgitated and abandoned by it daily. It is everything. It is my saviour, my destroyer. It is my happiness and sadness amalgamated into a constant throb that nags and itches at my insides. It makes my head go fuzzy and my hands go numb.

It makes me feel like I'm alive and dying in a constant Spartan battle within my ribcage. Lots of swords, honour and rage. It is my celebration and my punishment. My scolding and praise.

To you it is just that one thing, a tiny, tiny something that seems so simple at its worst. To me it is breathing and healing, burning and wincing. It is staring at the swirling Picasso painting of my core that is now beneath my face while I convince myself to inhale, and it is the deafness that surrounds me while blood rushes to my eardrums and exacerbates the thrum that I have grown accustomed to screeching at me.

You wonder why I could not just quit and be rid of that tiny little thing. It is me and I am it. Stitched, twisted and deformed creature we have become. I cannot exist without its torment and it cannot go on without my shell.

To you it is just eating. To me it is a hell.

i hate having this disorder but ive noticed some pretty fun side effects(?) from it
/u/itsyaboifranzi [5'0" | whale | -20 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 20:40:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lsn08/i_hate_having_this_disorder_but_ive_noticed_some/
like being able to guess calories pretty well, being able to guess weight and bmi pretty well and

learning how to draw for thinspo
Created: Fri Oct 5 20:24:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lsjhm/learning_how_to_draw_for_thinspo/
ok so this is probably the most effort ive put into anything related to my ed somehow. i want very specific thinspo that probably doesnt exist, along with smth to do to avoid food. so im learning a new skill that im awful at just to be able to draw my own thinspo cus i dont have momey for commissions lmao. any artists here draw your own thinspo? just curious

[Help] New job...
Created: Fri Oct 5 19:51:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lsc95/new_job/
Im starting a new job at this bakery, they give us one free meal and i know they'll want me to sample the pastries. Wtf do I do. So scared this will lead me back to my hw again or cause me to gain any.

I binge on chocolate while I'm half/fully asleep almost every night and can't prevent it.
Created: Fri Oct 5 19:10:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ls2sm/i_binge_on_chocolate_while_im_halffully_asleep/
I tried eating more during the day, sweet tea, eating right before bed... It's an addiction or habit now, I wake up every 5 minutes with this horrible taste in my mouth and can't really sleep if I wake up and don't let myself eat. If I can't find any chocolate I just eat whatever's sweet enough.

Wake up with empty packages everywhere, calculate the calories, starve yourself.

Guys I don't even get hungry during the day, I forget about food. It's the nights that don't let me be beautiful and perfect.

I'm tired of waking up very depressed and suicidal, it takes me long hours to feel friendly and positive again.

I miss having a flat stomach. My body is tiny, I don't look good with these curvy features. I feel ugly and disgusting.

Water loading ideas
/u/iToldAnotherLieToday [5'7| CW: 98.4 | 28F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 19:04:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ls1d1/water_loading_ideas/
Long story short, I **have** to gain 4lbs in 5 days. I get weighed Wednesday. I am trying to recover, but I’m not to the point where I can drink Ensure/milkshakes to gain weight. A lot is riding on this one weigh-in.

I’m planning on drinking a few bottles of water, of course. I was thinking change in my bra like I used to do back in the day. I can wear clothes **and** shoes, so I will wear the heaviest clothes that make sense for 90 degree weather. It’ll be too obvious if I’m in a sweatshirt but I can wear heavy jeans and the heaviest shirt I can find. I also just have to go in at any point, so I will make sure I eat something for lunch that will add weight and then go in after. What do you guys think? Soup and veggies? Maybe a big salad?

Any other suggestions?

[Rant/Rave] Failed an exam...
Created: Fri Oct 5 19:00:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ls0jw/failed_an_exam/
Organic chemistry will be the death of me. I tried so hard to prepare. I really did. I can’t even have one thing. stupid AND fat. And I just had a burger and milkshake and fries to soothe the pain. I don’t work hard enough for either thing. pathetic....

[Tip] Tryptophan
/u/SpitAndPennyStyle [5'2"|136lbs|UGW:97lbs]
Created: Fri Oct 5 18:57:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lrzp0/tryptophan/
\[Sorry about potential formatting issues - I rarely post on reddit\]

I've been reading a book called "The End of Overeating" by Kessler, M.D. and I stumbled on a bit that might interest you. So you may or may not have heard of phentermine - basically a medication formerly prescribed to very obese people to prevent overeating. I've read some posts here about people here using it to suppress their appetite. The way it works is that it increases serotonin production which shuts down dopamine production and the reward pathways in the brain.


Tryptophan is an essential amino acid that is a precursor to serotonin and melatonin. Anything that is a complete protein (like meat) will contain this and some incomplete protein sources have it too. Best low-cal meat source is poultry (like turkey - already famous for making you sleepy). Best vegetarian sources are low-fat dairy products and egg whites. Best vegan sources are pumpkin seeds (which is a complete protein source and has magnesium which will also help with sleep - 1oz is 125 calories), oats, and soy products.


It is a cruel irony that this is food but if you choose to eat, you may find it helpful to consider a higher protein percentage for your calorie budget to help prevent cravings for higher calorie foods. Oh! and dark chocolate has a good bit of tryptophan as well, if you'd like a sweet.

[Discussion] If I can fool other people, maybe I can fool myself
/u/lilmdjd [5’3 | CW: 130 | BMI: 23 | LW: 94| - 17| 23F ]
Created: Fri Oct 5 18:55:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lrzcf/if_i_can_fool_other_people_maybe_i_can_fool_myself/
I realized a while ago that when I restrict without counting I eat less, because of both a combination of anxiety about not knowing and the lack of awareness of having “more calories” leftover. I recently switched back to eating small meals instead of OMAD. My usual routine is: protein bar in the morning, medium sized salad w only veggies and lemon juice for dressing, and tuna w lite mayo and cucumber for dinner. I fee like people could see this from the outside and consider this a normal amount of food.... which brings me to the thought: what if I could train my brain to see it as a lot of food? To just consider it normal, and stop framing it as restriction? Maybe I could teach myself to just be a light eater naturally and then it won’t feel so disordered. Idk If this will work at all but I sure as fuck plan on trying 😎

success with liquid diets?
/u/pistachiocreams [63"| 105.5 | -18 | F :pupper:]
Created: Fri Oct 5 18:54:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lrz03/success_with_liquid_diets/
i was wondering how much success everyone has had with liquid fasting. i’m addicted to chai lattes and caramel macchiatos and am genuinely curious to hear if anyone has had success with just drinking delicious drinks.
if so, i’d be curious to know- did you count calories, what was your limit, and what did you drink?

For the guys. Or the girls that might know. Have I reached the lowest pant size for a male adult??
/u/Hairless_Human [6' | CW 134 | BMI 17.44 | WL -146 |M 21]
Created: Fri Oct 5 18:46:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lrxb4/for_the_guys_or_the_girls_that_might_know_have_i/
Currently wearing 26/30 prefer 26/32 idk what that translates into woman size or whatever it is. But I went to aeropostale, hm, and american eagle and no one had anything lower than 26. 95% of the pants were not even 30 inches long just 28 inches long. I prefer them to be 32 inches long cause I like to drape the pant over my shoe a tad. Does anyone know where I can buy anything smaller without making the pant lengh shorter? Dont want to walk around like I accidently walked out the house with my littles bros pants lol.

[Rant/Rave] I feel like I need to show people how “in control” I am.
/u/applesauceistheenemy [5’10.5” | 140 | 19.5 | -70 lb | female]
Created: Fri Oct 5 18:44:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lrwmw/i_feel_like_i_need_to_show_people_how_in_control/
So I have bpd, and schizoaffective bipolar type, and dpd, and anxiety, and ocd. But of course because this is life, no one gives me any slack for having an off day with allllll of that shit or if my meds aren’t working or whatever (to be clear, I’ve never been abusive, cruel, or mean, I’m only talking about crying a lot or screaming when the emotional pain is too much to take). People always ask me to control my behavior when this happens, but no one understands how difficult that can truly be. Instead, what I can control is how much I eat. It’s infinitely easier to not eat for 24 hours or more than it is to stop myself from having a breakdown when the pain gets THAT intense, like everyone expects me to. I feel like no one truly knows how much self control I actually have, except my immediate family, because when I was 14 I went all the way and didn’t eat, or drink water, and it was winter and I didn’t wear a jacket or a coat, and didn’t use a blanket, and didn’t ask for or need a n y t h i n g. And I didn’t cry for 6 months straight. And lately a part of me has been missing that. Like just the feeling of absolute control over myself to the point where I could even go over 24 hours without water, but still complete a full school day and exercise (and this was before meds so I was hearing voices 24/7).

I know it’s super fucked up, and it’s just the mental illness talking. But I can’t seem to control myself mentally, no matter how hard I try, so subconsciously I think controlling myself in every aspect physically should be “good enough.” But I know 100% that it won’t be, and no one will understand, and I’ll be blamed for this as well.

[Other] Wish me luck
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 |CW 118 | GW 115 | GW 105-110 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 18:33:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lru0f/wish_me_luck/
I drank smooth move tea, panicked and drank salt water for that cleanse. Idk whag to expect but it probably won’t be pleasant.

[Other] DAE bruise really easily when restricting?
Created: Fri Oct 5 18:24:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lrrx1/dae_bruise_really_easily_when_restricting/
Title says it all, but yeah. I remember bruising soooo easily before I recovered, literally looked like I had been beaten up after a night out. Now that I'm restricting again (only to about 800, and I'm not underweight atm) I went to a party for the first time in about a month or two and woke up the next day COVERED in these tiny bruises. Plus a big black one on my leg. It's not like I blacked out or anything so I have absolutely no idea what caused it. They're on my legs, my arms, hips, butt, hands, boobs..

Please help!! Moral Dilemma!
Created: Fri Oct 5 18:21:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lrr87/please_help_moral_dilemma/
Please help! 47 hr fast in progress and I’m dying! I usually treat myself with Starbucks on Friday and I want a Venti Frappuccino. I’ve been stalking down the website nutrition list for an hour. Venti fraps are all about 500 calories! I know I have to break my fast tomorrow because I have plans with the bf. But do you think it would be okay to still have Starbucks tonight? Or is that cheating?!

Please help!

[Rant/Rave] my grandmother says i can stand to lose another 15 pounds
Created: Fri Oct 5 18:16:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lrq1u/my_grandmother_says_i_can_stand_to_lose_another/
it’s my grandmother’s birthday today. my mom talked on the phone with her earlier and she brought up my weight loss (i’ve lost 70 pounds and posted the mfp banner on facebook so she knows) and my grandmother told my mom she’s worried i might be anorexic and wants pictures of me to see if i still look healthy. well, i called my grandmother later to wish her a happy birthday and she said she wanted to congratulate me on my weight loss, and then asked how much i weigh now. i told her the truth, that i weigh 145 pounds, and she said well if that’s the case i can stand to lost 15 more. i feel discouraged and angry. i know i still have more to lose but it was like whiplash to hear her go from “you’ve lost so much!!!” to “you need to lose more.” but i will lose more. mark my fucking words old lady

Weird little things I notice...
Created: Fri Oct 5 18:02:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lrmmm/weird_little_things_i_notice/
On my lunch I walked into the breakroom and saw this girl headed to the fridge to grab the same diet coke she'd been drinking earlier and I was thinking "bitch me too" cause I'm going to the fridge for mine as well that I've been rationing out all day bc I'm not eating anymore. Probably reading too much into it and she probably doesn't have an ED but I still feel some solidarity. Idk just felt like sharing that little moment.

[Rant/Rave] A Self-Indulgent Epiphany
/u/nathasaproblem [5'8 | 150 | GW 140 | UGW 125 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 18:00:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lrm3y/a_selfindulgent_epiphany/
I am a person who has struggled with their gender identify for their entire life, essentially. I have memories from as far back as fifth grade sensing that I wasn’t quite a girl (DFAB). I’ve been avoiding dealing with these gender issues for almost as long. I only started talking about it to my therapist maybe a year and a half ago. Recently, a switch just flipped. It doesn’t feel like a conscious decision even, things just started happening. I ordered a binder for a Halloween costume earlier this week.

When I got it, I put it on, and I thought I would start crying about never being able to come out as agender but instead I just felt amazing (aside from being short of breath from having my boobs compressed into my chest) and like I had so much more ability to express myself based on how I’m feeling for the day. So I started thinking about talking to my mom, because I felt SO MUCH BETTER, and I figured maybe I should keep the ball rolling.

Today I told my mom. And she started crying naturally, but she didn’t flip out, and I just feel so so so hopeful and happy. I can’t even express how hopeful I feel. And I don’t feel the urge to control every single thing I eat. I feel the urge to feel happy and do what I want. I was struggling so hard for so long to control my gender-related distress through controlling my food, and I feel like this is such a step in the right direction for me.

I’m sure this isn’t the end of my eating disorder journey, maybe at the end of today I’ll be right back to “intermittent fasting” and restricting my intake.

But right now? I’m in line to get some goddamn chick fil a for dinner. And right now? I’m happy.

[Other] Eatthismuch.com?
Created: Fri Oct 5 17:55:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lrksw/eatthismuchcom/
I just discovered this website. Basically you pick how many calories you want to eat a day and how many meals you want to eat and it randomly generates a meal plan for you. There’s even an option for specific diets (vegan, paleo, keto, etc.). I’m very intrigued, especially since it let me put the option of 500 calories a day over 4 meals and still gave me a plan. I was surprised it let me pick a daily intake lower than 1200. So, I’m wondering if anyone else has used this site and what you thought of it?

Have a lovely night everyone!

Wtf they actually look skinny?????
Created: Fri Oct 5 17:52:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lrk8s/wtf_they_actually_look_skinny/
I really like how this pictures turn out, my legs look like they are actually skinny lol

Is it binging or bingeing
/u/audreyhepburnwho [no binge October~ Halloween goal 68kg cw 73kg]
Created: Fri Oct 5 17:47:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lrj0a/is_it_binging_or_bingeing/
Serious question, hope it's not considered low effort, but i can't be the only one wondering, i keep seeing it written both ways and English isn't my first language.

My dog totally has an eating disorder.
Created: Fri Oct 5 17:40:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lrh6e/my_dog_totally_has_an_eating_disorder/
My dog totally has an eating disorder. He is one of the greatest loves of my life-- an eternally overweight beagle appropriately named Tank with a propensity for food and snuggles. He is so gentle and sweet and loyal.... His only problem is, he can't stop eating. He and my other beagle Brooke go hunting in the woods together (I live in the country) and she gets slimmer by the day. But somehow Tank gets fatter! He just uses the day out in the woods to forage and eat whatever he can. Tonight I gave my baby daughter a bath and forgot to pick her wet diaper up off the bathroom floor before I put her to bed. Tank ate all the absorbent little crystal things that are in the core of the diaper, just to fill his already fat belly. The sad part is, I can totally relate!! What a perfect low calorie belly filler!! I love him so much. He is my spirit animal 😂

[Rant/Rave] My mum is such a sweetheart but this made me never want to eat again
/u/pacific_rimmed [5’6” | CW: 137 | HW: 152 | GW: 119 | UGW: 105 | F ]
Created: Fri Oct 5 17:25:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lrdne/my_mum_is_such_a_sweetheart_but_this_made_me/

[Help] My sweet cat passed away and I have just been bingeing, I have no idea what to do.
/u/indentionsofme [Height 5"10 | CW 100| HW 142| GW 95 l BMI 14.3]
Created: Fri Oct 5 17:21:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lrcoj/my_sweet_cat_passed_away_and_i_have_just_been/
My cat was sick for a while and I spent months taking care of him, giving him his medications, and trying to make his life the best it could be even though he was having issues. While he was not always himself he was still happy and loved everyone and everything. He still loved his food and his cat toys and cuddling.

He was the purest creature on this planet. Just so sweet.


He passed away at the vet in severe pain. I had an appointment for him anyway since he was getting sicker and 20 mins before he started to cry so loud, I never heard anything like it. I finally got him to the vet and he was seizing and crying and his body started swelling. The vet said his heart was barely beating and it seemed like with the bloating he started internally bleeding. I let the vet take his pain away. I feel awful that he was so incredibly upset before he passed. I know it was good I was at the vet since it could have went on for hours at home before he passed, but I just keep seeing his poor face. He was so scared. I was with him, but he was scared and in so much pain. In the months prior to his passing I made sure to always do everything to keep him feeling the best he could, he was older and had lot's of organ issues but I was his "nurse" and the vet taught me how to administer fluids and medications and he was okay, he was even okay with all of this. He knew after his treatments he felt so much better. He was so smart and loved life.



Idk where else to put this. I have been bingeing non-stop. I can not cope with this and I am out of control. Candy, Ice Cream, Junk food, take-out. The last few days have been hell.


I had recently dropped back down from 105 to 102 and and was getting closer back to my 100lb weight that I was at for a long time. Now I KNOW that is over. I KNOW I gained weight, just so many empty calories. I Just want this to end.


I don't know how to stop the binge and I am scared of just falling into this massive depressive state and becoming disgusting. I can't cope, my whole world is different. I loved him with my whole heart.


I HAVE to stop bingeing, it's the only way to get back to myself. I am so upset I let myself down again and definity gained those few lbs. back. I feel like nothing is good anymore and now I am getting fat and disgusting and I am not only incredibly sad I hate myself again as well. There is so much wrong with me and I am sorry I am typing this I just feel so numb and bloated.


How can I stop this binge?

[Tip] Unsweetened pea protein powder; it'll change your lives.
/u/SkinnyisSexy [5'7 |125lb|19.6|-23lb|F GW115]
Created: Fri Oct 5 16:46:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lr3rp/unsweetened_pea_protein_powder_itll_change_your/
Dude, 100 calories per 20g of protein(2 scoops ya'll) I PUT IT ON EVERYTHING. I added it to soup and it made it super creamy, used it in my coffee, mixed it with salsa and put it on a God damn salad. Guys, so much protein. I don't like the sweet ones because A:more calories B:my binging ass would drink it like chocky milk. Not anymore!!!!

[Rant/Rave] Never again will I let my eating disorder ruin another relationship (long, sorry. need to vent).
/u/dxylightt [5’2 | 119 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 16:38:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lr1kr/never_again_will_i_let_my_eating_disorder_ruin/
I’m not sure if my ex knows my Reddit username. If you do and you’re reading this, hi. Everything I’m saying in this you already know anyways.

I was in a relationship for two years with the most kind, patient, forgiving, understanding person. I was so consumed by my ED that I treated him horribly and took him for granted, for the only thing I cared about was what I was going to eat that day and whether I was going to starve or binge/throw it all up. To me, he was little more than a pawn I used to set weight loss goals for, a mere distraction that was nowhere near as much a priority as the scale or calories or my body image or the lies my twisted brain liked to tell me.

Everyone in my family kept telling me to stop treating him that way, because one day he’d finally have enough of it and be done for good, and that I was so fortunate to have such an amazing person in my life. I didn’t listen.

I should have listened.

I thought he’d always be there, that he’d forever take my outbursts and crippling insecurities and toxic mindset, but everyone was right. He finally, and understandably, had enough. And he’s gone, and no amount of begging or pleading I’ve done these past few months will bring him back. It’s funny, you really don’t know what you have until it’s gone. Me and him are still friends, because he knows that I don’t have any support system outside my family, but texting him is only like a shell of who he once was. He’s cold. Unwavering. He may be responding back, but his words show that he’s long gone.

His absence feels worse than any binge ever has.

The amount of pain I’m experiencing right now outweighs any hunger pang or scale fluctuation or any of that stupid bullshit. None of it was worth it.

Never again will I put calories before someone else.

Never again will I let food ruin any memories I make with someone.

Never again will I let my body image dictate whether I’m worthy of intimacy or love, or whether I’m good enough. Because guess what? *I fucking am.*

This is a painful lesson that I will always wonder and regret for the rest of my life. To anyone reading this who has someone they care about: don’t let your illness ruin it. You are worthy. You are enough. You are capable of loving fiercely, and to be loved just as fiercely back.

/u/helpmytonguehurts [5”6 |CW 156|GW1 130|LW 89| -6| 👩🏼]
Created: Fri Oct 5 16:16:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lqv4q/powder/
Sorry if this isn’t allowed here. But I use Charlie a lot to help my ana.
I just went outside for a cigarette and felt some gas coming on and just fully shat myself in my garden.

I feel there needs to be a warning alongside 700 cal restricting, smoking and a line of Charlie. All I can smell is shit and I’ve showered twice.

I’ve got a BMI of 24. Why is this happening me???

~anorexia is so glamorous!!!~

My life’s a fucking mess
Created: Fri Oct 5 16:08:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lqsvq/my_lifes_a_fucking_mess/

I did one ECA stack and it feels too good
Created: Fri Oct 5 15:59:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lqpye/i_did_one_eca_stack_and_it_feels_too_good/
I've been in a depressive episode lately and avoiding it until today I was like wow, it's really real. I don't wanna eat again, which is upsetting. I did one ECA stack for the first time today and literally didn't eat anything all day...I feel strangely good. I know it's not, but I feel so down. I don't wanna sit down and eat a meal because I go too far with food.

[Help] Vyvanse while fasting
/u/songfireleaf [5'8 | CW 159 | BMI 23.91 | GW 100| he/him]
Created: Fri Oct 5 15:58:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lqpqv/vyvanse_while_fasting/
My brain decided to flip the fuck out and now I am on day 2 of a fast (normally I just restrict). I recently started taking vyvanse again for my ADHD and this is the first time any fasting has happened while I've been on it this time around. I have been feeling relatively funky- kinda lightheaded/dizzy, and my heart seems sorta pissed at me. This stuff never happens to me typically, and I make very sure to take care of myself as best I can while dealing with my ED by getting enough protein, electrolytes, vitamins, etc, so that's not the reason why this would be happening.

Is anyone else on vyvanse, and if so, have you experienced differences in how fasts tend to affect you while taking it vs while not? Any input would be very much appreciated.

[Help] The dreaded social event: anxiety strikes again
Created: Fri Oct 5 15:57:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lqpg9/the_dreaded_social_event_anxiety_strikes_again/
Some of you may have seen my post yesterday about anxiety surrounding a social event with a seated meal I'm supposed to go to today. I've been trying to talk myself down from cancelling going to this all day and I'm just not sure I can go.

I'm just so scared. I hate how much everything is about food. I hate how much I think about food.

Most of all I hate all the stuff my eating disorder has taken from me.

[Help] How to Suppress appetite / stop eating once started?
Created: Fri Oct 5 15:54:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lqobu/how_to_suppress_appetite_stop_eating_once_started/

relapsing: eye-opening or back to black?
Created: Fri Oct 5 15:47:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lqmh6/relapsing_eyeopening_or_back_to_black/
Since I was 12 I've been in and out of disordered eating (20 now), and I have to say this most recent relapse has been the worst for me. I'm at my highest weight and the last time I weighed this much was at the root of my disorder when I was 12. I'm appalled. I'm astonished. I'm angry. I'm disappointed.


I didn't even realize how big I had gotten until the very last pair of pants I own stopped fitting, and my boyfriend made a comment about it. I told him I thought the solution was to buy some new pants in a size 4 or 6, but he said all my pants are perfectly fine and there's no reason to buy anything new which hurt me a lot. It reminded me of when I was in middle school and my mother threatened to pull me out of orchestra because from the Winter concert to the Spring concert I had gone up one pant size and she didn't want to get me another pair of pants just because I "lacked self control". Now the only things that I'm wearing until I lose this excess is sweat pants or something with an elastic waist. I am embarrassed to leave the house for anything other than school. Sometimes I force myself to wear the old pants and have to pull the zip up with pliers, but I do it to make myself see what I did to myself. To make myself FEEL what I had added to myself.


I can't tell if it was good that he opened my eyes to the fact that I had gotten so out of control or that this is my demons taking a situation out of hand and going to my usual extremes for a solution with no true positive end. I've been a low of 105 pounds and I have been a high of 145. I've seen myself at every part of the spectrum while this disorder grips me and it's never truly made me happy. I think many of us have been struggling with this for too long.


There's no real point to this post; it was a bit more of a rant into relapse and my current emotions about it. I'm sure many of us have been here and was looking for some relation perhaps...

[Rant/Rave] Feelin' like shit... so here's a rant?
Created: Fri Oct 5 15:34:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lqie2/feelin_like_shit_so_heres_a_rant/
TMI AND GROSS SHIT... ranting... again.

So... this was the end of the first week of recovery treatment, at a clinic about an hour away from where I live, let's just say it was absolutely terrible. On my 3rd day, I came home and the WORST diarrhea for 4 hours: sweating, crying, puking, crying, blacking out, dizziness walking from bathroom to bathroom, and stomach cramps. I am menstruating at the moment, even though I'm not supposed to be (long story short: on birth control, having an unnatural period with extreme bloating and cramps, not supposed to have it since I have restricted to 500-800 calories for the past 2 months, blah blah blah-) I am still in denial of having an eating disorder, losing over 20lbs from July is normal, even though I was at a healthy weight to begin with. I am 7lbs away from being considered underweight according to the BMI chart, tempting... sounds like a goal. My dietitian at the clinic said that the BMI chart is a "terrible unreliable reference", still gonna use it.

ANYWAY... I have gained so much from this bloating and period shit, it actually hurts like a motherfucker. But I also am restarting my GI system again, so hopefully I won't be constipated as much in the future. Currently, my plan is to stay under 1000 calories a day, which is what I have been doing since the first day of treatment. The hunger pangs are getting worse since I'm getting used to eating breakfast AND lunch now, but they don't last for long after drinking some water. I'm 120-121lbs now from the bloating and retaining, 3-4lbs difference from my normal days. Its SO FRUSTRATING and it hurts like hell, but now I have an excuse to not eat a few meals for the next couple of days. Yay? I guess?
Oh well, I would like to know your guy's ideas to make sure I don't gain anymore weight (or anything else, I'm lonely) in "recovery", going back to old habits after this expensive bullshit.

Thanks for reading this "rant"?

Love <3

Am I really allowed to eat tasty things whenever I want? (Recovery).
/u/NeutralSmithHotel [6'1.4 | CW: 179 | BMI: 23.4 | Weight Lost: -191| M]
Created: Fri Oct 5 15:30:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lqgw3/am_i_really_allowed_to_eat_tasty_things_whenever/
So I've been doing recovery and today I had this super tasty french bun thing. Honestly, I'd take it over sex. Probably like 500 calories. And I had this thought... like I'm allowed to have little treats like this several times a month or maybe even week and I might not gain weight? (My maintenance is around 2800 calories or so because I workout a lot). It just seems like that can't possibly be right...

For anyone who had gone through this, like how can you get that feeling to go away? Any tips?

[Discussion] DAE ever scare themselves out of restriction?
Created: Fri Oct 5 15:07:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lq9ps/dae_ever_scare_themselves_out_of_restriction/
So basically I've gone through binge-restrict cycles since probably like 2009-2010 maybe? I started when I first got out of junior high/started high school. Anyway back when I was younger I really didn't know anything about nutrition other than CICO so I didn't really care or know about the health risks of EDs. Over the past 3-ish years I've been way more binge than restrict, and I've just gone back to restricting over the past month or two.

Now that I'm more heavily inundated with the internet and people who actually know what they're talking about I've been almost scaring myself out of restriction? Like I always just assumed that the serious side effects of heavy restriction only occurred at underweight BMI's but I'm just now learning about gallstones as a result of weight loss (although I've personally only experienced gallbladder attacks during heavy binge periods, but anyway). And that even people who are overweight can experience brachycardia/tachycardia resulting in death as a result of heavy restriction? I always thought that since I take a mutivitamin and get 50g of protein a day that I'm minimizing my risk since I'm still overweight (because I thought the only risks I was taking were vitamin deficiency, hair loss and muscle loss).

Anyway I'm already a major hypochondriac so now I have a ton of anxiety about fucking dying or having to have surgery (never had surgery before) that makes me want to stop restricting. But the thought of eating even 1200 calories a day is still majorly anxiety inducing to me right now. And when I think that I'm still going to be fat for more than half a year eating at 1200 with exercise to even be at an "acceptable" (to me) weight it just makes me want to never eat again. Also being this anxious about literally everything makes my restriction even worse because I can't eat when I'm anxious. How can someone with 50+ extra pounds of fat even be at risk of malnutrition? It literally doesn't make sense, I have so much energy stored in my body.

Oh also I recently tapered myself off of zoloft because the beginning of this major weight gain/binge cycle started when I started taking zoloft. It's been a few months and it's not like I've gotten depressed so far but I have been extra anxious (exhibit A: this post and a relapse into restriction). Who would have thought that getting off my SSRI would increase my anxiety? /s

I really shouldn't even be concerning myself with this because so far (and in my past almost ten years of intermittent restriction) I haven't experienced any negative side effects at all aside from low muscle tone. But this time it's different because the previous times I've restricted I only wanted to lose like 30 pounds max. But now that I've let myself get fat I have more than twice that amount of weight to lose and it's going to require a much longer period of restriction, which I assume comes with higher risks for side effects. Right now the only thing keeping me sane is bargaining with myself saying I'm going to restrict until I reach x pounds and then increase my intake to 1200 and increase exercise.

I don't know, right now I'm stuck between wanting to be """healthy""" and just wanting to get rid of my disgusting body as fast as possible. Does anyone else ever think like this? How do y'all restrict without any major side effects? Sorry if this is rambly/doesn't make sense; I've had two exams this week and my mind is all over the place.

TL;DR: My anxiety brain doesn't want me to eat but is also telling me I'm gonna die if I don't eat. Does this happen to anyone else?

[Other] Bitch nO THANKYOU
/u/tinycat1 [165cm| OOPS | 22F | GW: 45KG]
Created: Fri Oct 5 15:05:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lq908/bitch_no_thankyou/

[Other] Canadian Thanksgiving Support Thread?
/u/areddittoshowoff [161cm | C: 136lbs | G: 120lbs | H: 164lbs | F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 15:04:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lq8sg/canadian_thanksgiving_support_thread/
I’m gonna need it. Anyone else?

PSA: Get enough sleep, lovelies
/u/theleftoveryou [5'5'' | 96.6 | 16.3 | GW 95? | 24F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 15:03:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lq89n/psa_get_enough_sleep_lovelies/
I've not been getting enough sleep lately and it all culminated in feeling like absolute crap yesterday. I went to band practice in the evening and honestly I didn't even have the energy to play my instrument properly. So I went home and slept for a long time and I feel SO much better now. I feel like I could take on the world.

I've learned my lesson: I can use caffeine as a substitute for food, or for sleep, but not both at the same time lol.

[Other] Unexpected hint of ED on twitter lmao … SMASH THAT RT BUTTON
Created: Fri Oct 5 14:52:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lq4ni/unexpected_hint_of_ed_on_twitter_lmao_smash_that/

Google fat shamed me
Created: Fri Oct 5 14:50:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lq3u5/google_fat_shamed_me/
(on mobile, can't flair. Rant!)

I was looking through my photos on my phone. You know how Google photos will create different photo albums for every person you take photos of? (For instance, I can see all the pictures of my boyfriend by clicking on his album)

Not only did they auto select the worst picture of me at my HW for the cover... As I was scrolling down to see how many people had their own album, I see another album of me.

Google apparently thinks that fatter-me is utterly indistinguishable from normal-weight-me, and assumed that we were two different people 😳😳😳 the difference is about 50lbs.

[Rant/Rave] I'm a failure
/u/sorryihaveaboyfriend [5'6 | CW116 | GW108 | BMI18.7 | 24F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 14:35:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lpysk/im_a_failure/
I just purged for the first time since Monday. I know that three days isn't much of an accomplishment, but having been consistently b/p-ing everyday for like two years now, I was kinda proud of myself. I had been doing good by only eating pre-made salads or just drinking a lot of liquids, and staying at about 450 calories a day.


But then I took my mom out to lunch, and she decided on McDonald's. So we get there, I order the Southwest salad because it's like less than 200 calories, and my mom orders a meal. It's all good.


Until our food comes. They had messed up my mom's burger and told us it'd be out in a minute, but they gave us my salad and her medium fries. She picks at them a bit as we talk, and maybe eats about a third of what was in the container. And then her burger finally comes out, and they apologize for the wait, and hey, look at that! They're giving us an extra medium fry!


So my mom takes the fresher fries and gives me the 2/3s of the first batch, and I'm like okay, this is fine, it's about 300 calories but I'm barely at 200 for the day. So I eat them.


And then mine are gone, and she's chatting with an old coworker of hers that we ended up running into, and I'm all of a sudden picking at *her fries* because I have no self control and *UGHHH*


So I ended up purging when I got home. And I'm so mad at myself because I was *finally* doing good

[Help] Miralax vs smooth move tea
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 |CW 118 | GW 115 | GW 105-110 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 14:28:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lpwu6/miralax_vs_smooth_move_tea/
TMI, but I’ve been constipated and was wondering which works best. I’d prefer one that isn’t habit forming.

[Help] How to deal with intimacy and general body touching?
/u/thingsarestranger [5’2” | CW:121 | GW1:115 | SW:160 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 14:21:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lpur3/how_to_deal_with_intimacy_and_general_body/
Lately I can’t even really cuddle with my SO without feeling awkward and anxious the whole time. Sex is even worse and I find myself unable to even really enjoy it lately because I’m so aware of the places he’s touching me or how my body must feel. I’m at my LW (or at least within 5 pounds of it idk I’ve been b/ping so unsure of my true weight atm) and he started dating me almost 40 pounds heavier so it’s not like he hasn’t seen my body look worse. Yet I can’t stand the thought of intimacy and I don’t want him touching my body. I find myself not wanting him to even look at my body or see me naked so I usually change in the closet or get dressed as quickly as I can after sex. I ask to turn the lights off when we have sex but he always says no that he wants to see me, which just makes me more anxious. How do you deal with these thoughts those of you in relationships? Any tips? How can I feel better about being intimate and being touched? Why has this issue gotten worse with weight loss instead of better? Will losing more weight help??

[Discussion] Any boys here? Let’s chat
Created: Fri Oct 5 14:18:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lptq5/any_boys_here_lets_chat/
Its been a while since I was last here and I was doing well, started gaining weight and muscle but recently I can feel myself falling back into the bottomless pit of my ED.

Having and ED is lonely enough, yet within this community I feel even more alone as I am a boy. Any other boys here wanna make friends? Maybe create a group chat or something to discuss feelings and other things. Just an idea as I’m sure many boys with an ED feel the same.

[Rant/Rave] Thank goodness ive been fasting all day
Created: Fri Oct 5 14:11:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lprs2/thank_goodness_ive_been_fasting_all_day/
Turns out he got back with his ex... and I found the weekend that was supposed to be our anniversary.

Fuck, he complained about her a whole bunch to me and I bet that reverse is happening now.

I'm going to go home and fucking enjoy a gigantic dinner. I know I'm just filling the void inside but there needs to be something in there and I can't get rebound (after five months, jesus, I'm pathetic) dick all weekend because I'm with my family for Thanksgiving.

Just proves I'm always inferior to everyone else. I want to cry so bad right now.

My feelings on this Donna meme.
Created: Fri Oct 5 13:46:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lpk6z/my_feelings_on_this_donna_meme/
I'm sure you've all seen [this meme ](https://m.imgur.com/3HGARtK) floating round over the years, and if you're really brave you've gone in and read the comments too.

I always get this rage when I see it, because although Donna wouldn't classify as anorexic because she doesn't meet the weight criteria, that doesn't mean that she hasn't developed some very serious and damaging eating behaviour. Who the fuck decides at what weight you are valid as an ED sufferer? This person, this human being, could end up one of the people who pushes the mortality rate of ED's up even further, all because nobody took them fucking seriously and laughed at them because they're not skinny enough to be 'ill' .

Fuck that, and fuck all the people who perpetuate this idea that nobody has an ED unless they're 'skinny enough'. I'm so sick and tired of seeing men and women ridiculed for not being 'Eating Disordery' enough.

I really hope that Donna got the help she needed, and that she eventually feels comfortable enough to enjoy food and foster a good relationship with it. But I think we all know how it probably went instead, hooray.

While I'm angry, I may as well throw in my frustrations about how nobody seems to recognise that BED is a real thing, and that not all eating disorders are entirely restrictive. Just fuck all the wilful ignorance around this incredibly important topic, nobody wants to read up on it because it's oh so taboo.

End rant. I'm going to go have a Coke zero and calm tf down phew.

My feelings on this Donna meme.
Created: Fri Oct 5 13:35:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lpgzq/my_feelings_on_this_donna_meme/

[Rant/Rave] will absolutely delete this later but
/u/motif2019 [5'4" | CW: 129 | GW: 108 | BMI: 22.2 | -22lbs | 21F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 13:18:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lpbjl/will_absolutely_delete_this_later_but/

I was rambling (via text) to my girlfriend about my binge/purge bulimia relapse bullshit and then at the end of many doubletexts said "I'm sorry, you didn't sign up (to hear about my eating disorder)"

and she FUCKING goes

"yes I did"

I'm crying into my lemon cheesecake rooibos tea now holy shit I do not feel like I deserve her. Oh my god.

shoutout to my girlfriend and the ED-supportive partners any of you may have

I'm afraid of the weekend...
Created: Fri Oct 5 13:16:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lpb62/im_afraid_of_the_weekend/
I don't normally post that much but I am so anxious right now and I love how non judgemental this community is...So, I felt really good the last few weeks, because I was able to prepare all my meals at home, weigh them etc.. After a long time I finally felt somewhat in control again and my calorie intake, while low, was consistent. Problem is, I have to go to a birthday party over the weekend and there will be two whole days of restaurant food only. Where I live, there are mostly family-owned restaurants who don't have the trusty PDF with calories on their website (or even just a website lol). ..Also the traditional food in my country is mostly fatty and unhealthy. I am so afraid, because I won't have any control and I don't want to trigger another binging/fasting cycle and claw my way out of it again...ok rambling over, love you all ❤️

But this isn’t disordered right?
/u/lilmdjd [5’3 | CW: 130 | BMI: 23 | LW: 94| - 17| 23F ]
Created: Fri Oct 5 13:07:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lp8ag/but_this_isnt_disordered_right/

[Rant/Rave] Halo top problem
Created: Fri Oct 5 12:55:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lp4eo/halo_top_problem/
Anybody else in love with the oatmeal cookie Halo Top. I bought it because was lowest calorie one at the store, but expected to not be impressed. However, now I am obsessed - I think having avoided carbs including oatmeal the little oats in the ice cream are like little bits of heaven and I love the buttery cinnamon taste. I used to be able to only have a serving of all my diet ice creams, but now I want to eat the whole thing every time! Love hate relationship. How do others avoid eating it all in one sitting - not sure I’m willing to give it up completely!

What exercise gave you the best results?
/u/glitteringwinter [5'3" | CW: Chunky Monkey| GW: Dainty Fairy| F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 12:53:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lp3tf/what_exercise_gave_you_the_best_results/
Everyone is super on the lifting train these days and I feel like it’s always the go to “what exercise??” Response but I’m not sure it’s particularly compatible with my aesthetic goals.

I’m not looking to get that super waifish look, but also not into significant muscle. I aim for the more “skinny fit” look. If anyone here has had luck achieving this kind of aesthetic, I would love to hear how you did.

I think my stomach shrank!!
Created: Fri Oct 5 12:48:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lp2c4/i_think_my_stomach_shrank/
I have stuck to restriction pretty well for about four weeks now, no binging! So my stomach has gotten used to not being distended and it likes it. I got a wrap for lunch today bc all the soups at the cafe were loaded with cheese y'all I ate one quarter of that thing and thought I was gonna explode! Last night my husband made tacos and I could only finish one!! I'm never going back to mistreating my poor tummy with binges!!! So much easier to restrict without all that empty space in my belly...!

proED Survey Analysis: Average BMI, Height, Standard Deviations and More!
/u/TreatmentTime [5'9 | Recovery? ☠ | 25]
Created: Fri Oct 5 12:43:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lp0ib/proed_survey_analysis_average_bmi_height_standard/
I have too much time, so I pulled the [r/proED Survey posted a few days ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kkclr/rproed_survey_summary_results/) into Pandas and ran some quick plots/calc