[Rant/Rave] To the Bone rant
/u/SterileTechnique
Created: Sun Oct 14 09:13:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o3fxm/to_the_bone_rant/
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Ughhhh while there are some things To The Bone gets right the whole movie really creeps me out because Luke is such a creeper and his problematic behavior is not called out. The creepy, hypersexualized infatuation with Eli and the fact he seems to get a hard-on with trying to force her to eat, and how when he finds out he can't dance anymore he lays all his problems and will to live on Eli. Holy hell, co-dependent/emotionally abusive much??? Also I didn't get the whole desert scene. Still waiting for my magical starvation-induced hallucination that is going to give me some life-changing insight into recovery.
I used some form of the word "creep" like 3x in this post lol. But I mean, if they took away the obvious voyeurism of Lily Collin's emaciated body and completely rewrote Luke's character, it could actually be halfway decent.
Fuck you mom and fuck your jeans.
/u/Zucchininoodles4life
Created: Sun Oct 14 09:09:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o3eus/fuck_you_mom_and_fuck_your_jeans/
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I lurk on this sub a lot but first time posting. I had a victory today— the jeans my mom wore when she was my age are too big on me (she has a special pair some band signed that she’s kept forever). Now I’m wondering if she was as skinny as she claimed. Either way the cruel sense of satisfaction I got from her face when I tried them on and they were too lose will be my nourishment for the next week. My mom has been telling me I was fat since I was 7 (I wasn’t then). She refused to buy me jeans because they “looked weird on me” and “my waist and legs were two different sizes so nothing fit”. I literally wore tracksuit pants all the time. In 6th grade two popular mean girls who I desperately wanted to be friends with started making fun of me for it . I came home crying and dear sweet mommy said it was okay and she would order me PLUS SIZE pants from Lands End. She measured me with either a massively faulty tape measure or just her own delusion and ordered a juniors plus size eight. I was so excited to get them. I got the package before she got home from work and tried them on- lo and behold they were too big and could fit about 3 of me. She was absolutely SHOCKED when she came home. Eventually in seventh grade my dad gave me some money for the wall and I went and found a pair of jeans that fit me fine, from Abercrombie which my mom always told me was a “skinny girl” store. I actually bought them loose because thanks to my Mom I have ZERO concept of my own size.
Of course the damage was done and even at my highest weight (size 12) I would be buying jeans that were 16/18. My wonderful best friend saw me picking some out one day and was like “please, buy jeans that fit!!!” She helps me but it’s still a struggle.
But now I’m thin and my Mom is old and looser the s he was and it’s KILLING her that I’m skinny. And all I see when I look at pants now is a challenge— I’m gonna be tiny enough to fit in THAT. Next goal is her wedding dress (if my aunt is correct my mom exclusive are baby carrots for like 3 months before her wedding, which I can see cause the waist on that thing is teeny tiny.
I'm a fucking dude
/u/RichardStarrkey [6'0 | CW:FAT | GW:55kg | M]
Created: Sun Oct 14 08:55:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o3b07/im_a_fucking_dude/
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Nobody takes me seriously. I got called a bitch nigger at camp, which is the most childish thing someone can come up with. I mean, what the fuck? My superiors are watching me eat. That makes it harder. I have a dude assigned to watch me go to the bathroom and he reports me when I throw up.
It's more fucked for another reason. When my bipolar shit is in full swing, thinking about food makes me throw up. And being anxious (which is all the time) makes me throw up. I get sent to the psychologist daily. I have no peace of mind. I can't limit myself to 50 cal like I used to. And when I do, they fucking know. Cause I fucking told them expecting to get help.
We get free healthcare in the army. Anything that happens within government buildings get subsidized 100%. So I get free SSRI's for two years. Afterwards, I'm left in the gutter with how little they pay us. I don't know what to do. I really don't. Pray for me. Pray for me. Pray for me.
Hey, seriously, pray for me.
I actually think I might be crazy
/u/crcarpen
Created: Sun Oct 14 08:52:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o3aaa/i_actually_think_i_might_be_crazy/
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Trying to push myself into a manic episode because I feel like such a whale and when I am all I do is paint and walk and go to the gym and forget to eat. So sorry doc- I know we worked hard to avoid this but I'm miserable being myself right now
can someone tell me the point of posting a normal calorie meal on r/1200isplenty
/u/alcoholhas2manykcal [5'4" | HW: 245 lb | CW: 174lb | GW: 120 lb | 23F]
Created: Sun Oct 14 08:52:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o3a6o/can_someone_tell_me_the_point_of_posting_a_normal/
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Why do I want to look at a 5-800 calorie recipe on a diet sub ffs
[Rant/Rave] Why am I not losing weight
/u/Yoni1660
Created: Sun Oct 14 08:37:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o363y/why_am_i_not_losing_weight/
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I started at 170 and I’m at 153 now but I’m stuck at that. I’m eating under 500 and I drink so much water. On Wednesdays I take laxatives but I can’t budge! I was stuck at 155 until I fasted for like 36 hours. I’m so pissed. Last time I lost weight I went from 166 to 135 in THREE MONTHS. WHY HAS THE WEIGHT LOSS STOPPED?
[Goal] DAE have GW’s set up by holidays? how much do you plan to lose?
/u/pistachiocreams [63"| 105.5 | -18 | F :pupper:]
Created: Sun Oct 14 07:54:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o2vd1/dae_have_gws_set_up_by_holidays_how_much_do_you/
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i just set mine and am really hoping i can stick to them! i currently weight 101 lb. mine are-
- 97 lb by halloween 🎃
- 94 lb by fall break ✈️
- 92 lb by thanksgiving 🍂🥧
- 90 lb by christmas 🎄
of course this is soo hard for me to tell if i’m gonna be able to stick too depending on how much i indulge, plus i’m hoping i cant hit some of these like the weekend before (like for halloween) because i’ll probably end up eating more then than the actual holiday! hahaha
is drinking beer every night and not eating anything else still gonna make me fat?
/u/glitt3rdb1tch
Created: Sun Oct 14 07:49:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o2u8z/is_drinking_beer_every_night_and_not_eating/
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i haven’t eaten in about a week but i drink about 3 beers every night. i’m losing weight and i also purge but when i wake up in the morning i feel like a complete fatass for drinking beer. i’d buy liquor just because of less calories but i get too destroyed and it burns my stomach cuz i never eat. maybe beer just makes me feel full like i ate something? i just feel so fat.
[Other] I can't sleep
/u/Blackleatherjacker
Created: Sun Oct 14 07:26:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o2oyp/i_cant_sleep/
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This is so weird. My hip bones are hurting from laying on my side and stomach and I'm nowhere near my goal weight. Like I'm still so fat. Why
[Help] Please help; must stop the binge. Must stop the weight gain.
/u/kaereddit
Created: Sun Oct 14 07:24:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o2oj0/please_help_must_stop_the_binge_must_stop_the/
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https://i.redd.it/b68jht57k5s11.jpg
[Help] I need more ED series
/u/Ednosonline [175 cm/5'9" | 65 kg/143,3 lbs | BMI 21,2 | -2 kg | Female]
Created: Sun Oct 14 07:06:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o2ke2/i_need_more_ed_series/
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I have rewatched Supersize vs Superskinny, all the seasons on YouTube, and am now going through secret eaters (again). My big fat diet show is also done. I need more similar series, programs and documentaries! Preferably ones available on YouTube (or Netflix)!
[rant] The preoccupation with food is driving me insane
/u/LateAsparagus [24F | BMI 24.5 -> 20.3 -> 21.9]
Created: Sun Oct 14 06:44:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o2fpz/rant_the_preoccupation_with_food_is_driving_me/
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I'm traveling home on December 22. and I've spent a ridiculous amount of time in the last couple of days planning the snacks I'll take with me to brighten up the nine hour train trip. I have exams lined up and I can't study because I'm too interested in food. Begone thoughts
[Tip] Amazing!!!
/u/johanna0318
Created: Sun Oct 14 06:30:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o2cxz/amazing/
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Just a general PSA.... Glucomannan is amazing. First you feel full. Mix it in some water slam it down you don't even think about food for at least 6 hours. Or if you are like me and eat just because you can, this shit makes it so you already feel like you ate a whole pizza, bag of chips, and whatever other dumb crap you have around, so there's really no room for any thing else.
Second, all the 💩💩.... Not like scary laxative, can't leave the bathroom 💩... Just really a thorough cleaning out.
Third. It was like $10.....
I seem to be all or nothing. I can restrict like a champ, I can binge like a pro, I can't seem to find the middle ground.....
Sunday: Share your favorite recipes!
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Oct 14 06:13:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o29o5/sunday_share_your_favorite_recipes/
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Looking for memes? [Right this way~](/r/ProEDmemes)!
Daily Food Diary! October 14, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Oct 14 06:10:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o293p/daily_food_diary_october_14_2018/
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This is a daily food diary thread for October 14, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
anyone else feel like they can't recover because they have had their ED for so long
/u/kitt_3n [5'2 | CW: 104 | BMI: 19 | F]
Created: Sun Oct 14 05:23:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o20tm/anyone_else_feel_like_they_cant_recover_because/
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I've had my ED for almost 7 years now - I don't mean that I can't recover in the sense that I'm too entrenched in my ED, it's just that I almost feel like if I were to recover now, it would mean that the past 7 years has been ... a waste? Maybe this is super illogical because you aren't supposed to get anything "out" of mental illness but I almost feel like I better be thin after all of this because I've wasted so much damn time ....
Fuck this fucking illness.
/u/TrashcanDarling [28F | 5'4" | 15.2]
Created: Sun Oct 14 04:51:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o1vh6/fuck_this_fucking_illness/
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I’m so, so tired of anorexia. I’ve been struggling with eating disorders since my early teens and was diagnosed with anorexia with bulimic symptoms at age 18. I’ve had my ups and downs since then, including hospitalization, inpatient and outpatient treatment. Nothing helped me recover completely. The last time I was inpatient I was 22, and I checked myself out before being fully weight restored. Probably stupid of me. I’ve mostly managed to stay around BMI 16-16.5 since then, but the past months I’ve relapsed and here we fucking are. I don’t really have any options for treatment at the moment, and even so – I don’t think I’m motivated enough for it, despite being worried.
I know this disorder can be deadly and lately I’ve been almost ready to accept that it will get me eventually. I just can’t seem to get rid of it. I was recently in hospital for a few days due to dehydration because I was restricting my fluids due to not wanting to feel “bloated”. I also have a slow heart rate. I KNOW what I’m doing is dangerous, and yet I want to continue losing weight. I keep telling myself that I’ll be okay once I reach my “goal weight” but we all know that is bullshit and I won’t feel happy about it at all, and I’ll be in a worse condition that I am now. But anorexia’s yelling is impossible to ignore. I feel like I’m in a toxic relationship with myself. I want to get away from this monster, but how the hell do you escape when the monster lives inside of you?
It’s too easy to think that I won’t die, someone else might, but not me. And then I remember that to everyone else, *I* am “someone else”.
Fuck this shit. I’m sick of being sick.
Being one of the last awake is a great feeling
/u/neckramenow
Created: Sun Oct 14 02:33:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o1abm/being_one_of_the_last_awake_is_a_great_feeling/
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You can sneak away and purge or you have a great excuse. It’s great.
I should stop drinking so much.
How low can I go without this killing me?
/u/TotallyNotARadar [6'1" | CW: 113 | BMI: 14.23 | F (MtF)]
Created: Sun Oct 14 02:25:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o194t/how_low_can_i_go_without_this_killing_me/
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I so badly want to hit <100. Like even 99.9 would be good enough. It’s such a perfect number. It’s a delta of 13lbs which is a lot but I’m pretty sure it’s possible. At like even a modest -750cal it’ll take two months. My main concern though is this might actually kill me. I think though that it’ll be alright because I feel perfectly healthy where I am now (no fainting etc).
Risk wise, is this too far? I feel like I’m already so close I can do it but at the same time I’m aware from a more logical realm that there has to be a biological stopping point. Do you all have a limit you won’t let yourself cross from a math standpoint?
[Help] I’m tired of being my weight.
/u/starrieuniverse
Created: Sun Oct 14 01:50:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o13nj/im_tired_of_being_my_weight/
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I want to be 100-110. I HATE my weight and would do anything to change it- I b/p a lot but it’s not enough- anyone want to stick to a diet/ guilt trip me into being 100 by the end of this October/ November? I would love you forever!!!!’
old woman yells at cheeseburger
/u/sweetmarten [176 | 60 | 18.98 | F]
Created: Sun Oct 14 01:29:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o10d0/old_woman_yells_at_cheeseburger/
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MASSIVELY overdid it these past few weeks.... study stress is gettin to me and I've been indulging in so much fast food as "study snacks".... after making so much progress this year....
Going to spend the next 7 days eating only fruits and vegetables. I need plenty of energy for studying but at least I won't be putting so much crap into my body and HOPEFULLY i'll drop a lil bit of the fluff. Anyone else felt themselves slip off the ol wagon recently? Feel free to join me on my quest for """""health""""
[Rant/Rave] nuts are fucking evil tbh
/u/death-crush [156cm | CW: 45.4kg | BMI 18.7 |GW: 43kg| 19F | bulimic bitch]
Created: Sun Oct 14 01:19:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o0ys8/nuts_are_fucking_evil_tbh/
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so i’m visiting my parents and i’m in the kitchen drinking coffee when i spot it... a bag of salted peanuts.
i know nuts are super high calorie but i never knew exactly how high. so i start reading the nutritional label.
188 cal for 30g. oh god. 628 cal for 100g. jesus fucking christ. i turn the bag to see how much it weighs - 250g. 1570 cal for a tiny ass bag of salted peanuts that won’t keep you full for even half a minute.
i used to eat so many of these fuckers back when i still lived with my parents and bcs i knew nothing about nutrition it never seemed like a big deal, but now i’m screaming internally tbh. like how can anyone eat these?
anyways i figured some other people on here could relate to my existential crisis over nuts. thank u for reading this long & pointless rant, lov u
[Discussion] messaged my ex and cried into black coffee oof
/u/milk-and-honie [5'6" | 168 | 28.2 | 35 lbs down | female]
Created: Sun Oct 14 01:03:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o0w8i/messaged_my_ex_and_cried_into_black_coffee_oof/
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tfw you get blocked after your first message asking for a little closure after 6+ months. they were pretty abusive looking back, so I’m not sure what I really expected and honestly this was probably the best outcome.
...doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt like hell. I loved them with my whole heart. I fundamentally built myself as a person around their fleeting love and at some times questionable support. they were poly, and introduced a third party into our relationship in secret knowing I wasn’t okay with it. When I blew up, I had a mental break down and said things I shouldn’t have. I just messaged with an apology for that and left it open ended. Instant block. god.
it’s kind of funny that it set off my ed even more than before. time to fast for a week hahaha
[Discussion] What “ED food” / healthy food can you not stand?
/u/gothicapples
Created: Sun Oct 14 00:33:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o0rkq/what_ed_food_healthy_food_can_you_not_stand/
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I personally absolutely hate avocados I think they taste so nasty
What eating disorder/healthy food do you hate?
[Rant/Rave] I hate feeling full
/u/chezpajama [Height 5'9| CW 138.6 | BMI 20.6 | GW: 118 |🍑sweaterdove ]
Created: Sun Oct 14 00:32:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o0re8/i_hate_feeling_full/
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Today I ate about 1300 calories. I had a dinner thing and most of the calories consisted of garlic bread, couscous salad, vodka cocktails and cheese and crackers.
I’m about 800 calories below maintenance but I feel disgustingly full. Maybe because I low restricted the last two days.
I’ve never liked this feeling. Even in recovery, even before ED. My body is sluggish, I’m bloated, tired, gassy. There is nothing satisfying about these states of being.
I just want it out of me, but I hate puking even more so purging has never been my thing.
On one level I love food. On the other I find myself losing interest after I eat 1/3rd of any dish. These days I think I cook just to alleviate boredom.
[Rant/Rave] So that happened
/u/applesauceistheenemy [5’10.5” | 140 | 19.5 | -70 lb | female]
Created: Sun Oct 14 00:13:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o0oaq/so_that_happened/
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I know this isn’t Ed related except like, tangentially, but I’m polyamorous with a guy and a girl and the guy and I went on a date the other night and the girl was all upset because she wanted to spend time with us...
Well, I’ve been feeling pretty shitty because she only wants to have sex with him because they’ve been “more stable” and we still have “too much to work through.” Meaning, she hasn’t forgiven me at all for past arguments. I asked if she’d be willing to have sex with me first so I’d know we’re cool, and she initially said yes, but has since said “I just can’t for the foreseeable future” (meaning forever probably) and “you’re being controlling for asking this, and it’s unhealthy.”
So now I’ve been called manipulative, controlling, and toxic. And the issue isn’t so much that I’ve been called those things, I have done things that were wrong but I don’t think they were that extreme tbh, but it’s the fact that she can’t forgive me, like at all.
I also feel the need to explain myself. I was called toxic for being too clingy when I was going through an extremely difficult time and I wanted to call her a lot. I was called manipulative because once my male partner was literally screaming at me, then yelled “What the fuck do you have to be sad about?!” As I was crying, and I said “I’d rather you have just hit me.” (So I’d have “a reason” to be upset.) He didn’t but pinned me down and pinched the back of my neck and I was manipulative because of that and he was “the only victim” in that scenario. I was called controlling because I asked if she’d be willing to wait to have sex with him until after she did it with me first.
Now a bit about why this is extra shitty - I’ve also been guilt tripped for having mental illness, Ed especially because “what will the baby think,” I’ve been told things that I felt were unreasonable and “too much,” every time my female partner hurts me emotionally, she didn’t actually and it was a “misunderstanding” on my part, and I need to feel guilty for talking to her about it and “making her feel bad,” if she does apologize she follows it up with the reasons why she had every right to act the way she did, I’ve been full out sobbing and she literally pushed me away because she was “tired” and “can’t deal with it right now,” and my self harm isn’t taken seriously even when I easily could’ve died.
So all of that has led me to finally make an ultimatum that if she doesn’t forgive me in a month, I’m out. I know a lot of people in my life have said I should’ve left long before this, or that I don’t need forgiveness I just need to leave, etc etc. But this is the final straw, and this is my breaking point, because for me to not care about the things she says and does I have to starve myself for days at a time and self harm severely enough to need stitches each time. That’s what I HAVE to do to make my brain not care and so I won’t be full-out suicidal. Not that she’s encouraging it; in her mind I should just be able to not be upset or guilty at will, and to not be affected by rejection or lack of empathy, and that would fix everything. But I need physical pain to “atone” for my feelings for myself.
I just needed to get this out there somewhere, and it’s fine if you guys agree with her that I’m the only problem and I cause every issue and things like that. I’ve already been called the worst things I could’ve been called my entire life and survived, after all. So if you do think I’m a monster it’s ok. I can take it.
[Rant/Rave] Honestly, I don’t care about anyone else’s weight but my own
/u/speedayyyy [5’7 | CW 162 | GW 120 | 21F| 🍑 @stupidpieceofshit]
Created: Sun Oct 14 00:03:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o0mmp/honestly_i_dont_care_about_anyone_elses_weight/
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I’ll see people who weigh more than me and think they are just so beautiful. I don’t think others are less beautiful just because of their weight, doesn’t matter how much they weigh. I think it’s so beautiful that other people can love their bodies and not hate themselves. I really don’t care. I hate my body. I’ll see people who are my height and weight and think they look amazing. But not me. I hate my body. I don’t think I’m pretty or carry weight in any good places. It sucks. I just want to look in the mirror and be like wow you look good.
[Help] Is this hair loss normal? I'm freaking out.
/u/LynCross [152.5cm | BMI: 25.1| CW: 128.75 lbs |UGW: 101lbs |F ]
Created: Sun Oct 14 00:00:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o0lxq/is_this_hair_loss_normal_im_freaking_out/
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https://i.redd.it/owojofetc3s11.jpg
[Other] Tips and tricks I have yet to try if restricting becomes harder.
/u/NutelllaBellla
Created: Sat Oct 13 23:55:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o0l7j/tips_and_tricks_i_have_yet_to_try_if_restricting/
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Current:
Vyvanse
Black coffee
Safe foods
Sugar free hard candy
To try:
E/C stacks
Monster 0
Laxatives
Caffeine gum
Diet soda regularly
Pickles, celery, more low/ no calorie shit
PSA: don’t forget fiber *tmi warning*
/u/GohanCake [5’1” | CW: 93 | GW: 86 | 27F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 23:22:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o0fo8/psa_dont_forget_fiber_tmi_warning/
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I’m sure a lot of you guys can relate, but I don’t get many uh, bowel movements. I binged pretty hard on Thursday of this week and was expecting something but nothing was happening. Today I just spent an hour in the bathroom making the most inhumane noises and faces; I’m sure it sounded like I was trying to exorcise a demon. Anyway, don’t forget to either take fiber supplements or eat some dietary fibers so you can avoid being me. I’m on my way to the store as soon as it’s open. Not making that mistake again.
[Rant/Rave] Coworkers said ‘everything about me is so soft!!’
/u/delaneyjay
Created: Sat Oct 13 23:13:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o0dzc/coworkers_said_everything_about_me_is_so_soft/
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By that they meant my hair, face, and skin were well moisturized— I was talking about how I got a new conditioner for my hair, and how I was going no makeup today. Cue petting and stroking and feeling of my face and hair and shoulders.
But you know how I took it, and you probably know what I did (not) do the rest of the night.
I hate how this warps everyone’s words into how I’m a fat cow. I hate how I take everything personally, I hate how I can’t stop thinking about my body.
The progress is too slow and it's making me lose my mind
/u/caithaa [5'7 | 125 | 19.56 | 21F 🌼]
Created: Sat Oct 13 23:06:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o0cpy/the_progress_is_too_slow_and_its_making_me_lose/
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Every day the scale does down .2 pounds and every single morning I'm just so disappointed that the restricting didn't help. Fasting didn't help. Eating TDEE didn't help. Nothing will ever get me below 120 and I'm just sad and disappointed and will be every morning I wake up and get on that scale. So I'll eat an entire jar of chocolate chips that aren't even sweet (because they're for baking) and lay in bed until the sun comes up, just so upset with myself. I'll get up and weigh myself and the .2 pounds will be back. And it sucks knowing they'll always be back.
Sometimes I'll have a whoosh and wake up to 122 or even 121. But it won't make me happy. It's not a victory. It's like those completely insignificant .2 pounds. I could wake up to -.2 or -4.0, I'll just know that it'll be back tomorrow. My body isn't changing the way I wanted it to. When I see the weight go down I don't tell myself that I did well. No, it's probably just dehydration or something. It'll be back on tomorrow. And I just will it upon myself to gain that weight back, so even if I'm not hungry I'll force a binge because my sick brain is like you don't deserve to lose those 4 pounds sabotage your progress so you'll never see 119.
I'm just tired. Like I really want a break where I am a normal person for a little bit. So I don't have to have these terrible hunger headaches and anxiety insomnia, where I'm up for 48 hours unable to sleep. I can't sleep because my heart is beating too fast, because my body is so worn out it's hyperventilating to ask me to just relax for one day, but my brain won't shut off for even one whole second, so I can't rest at all.
I just would like one week to rest and then I'm okay with the headaches and insomnia to come back. But I can't even allow myself that vacation, because then I wouldn't be losing/gaining that same .2 and honestly I don't know what else to think about for 24 hours during the day. Like I'll just be empty without thinking about those .2 pounds. I don't care about anything else so what do I even do?
[Discussion] The weird things we eat
/u/mmblarg
Created: Sat Oct 13 22:51:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o09ub/the_weird_things_we_eat/
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So i just finished eating a “midnight snack” of a can of tuna and a wedge of Laughing Cow in an attempt to curb the binge desire. I looked up from my sad snack at my hubby who looked particularly disgusted at the weird combo and couldn’t help but laugh.
What are some weird foods you guys eat?
I made a whole tray of rice krispie treats
/u/whydiepizzapie
Created: Sat Oct 13 22:24:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o04kt/i_made_a_whole_tray_of_rice_krispie_treats/
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...and didn't eat all of them!!!!! Amazing. Yesterday was a binge purge night mare but today I seem to have avoided that and I'm so happy. Small victory.
annoying shit my roommate* says
/u/juulorexia [20f | vegan | 5'2" | goal bmi: 14]
Created: Sat Oct 13 22:23:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o04hi/annoying_shit_my_roommate_says/
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^(\*my 5'6" 120 pound roommate, who is one of those fucking people who has a small frame and good genetics despite eating like garbagio and) ~~^(not actually being that skinny)~~
* *\*20 minutes after eating two huge slices of pizza\* "*oh my god, I literally didn't have dinner tonight." (this one almost made me die laughing)
* *\*after eating three cookies, two full-fat lattes, a protein bar, six spoonfuls of peanut butter, and a sushi roll in my presence alone\* "*idk i shouldn't drink tonight, i **literally** have **not** eaten today"
* "omg i'm such a skinny twig bitch/i'm such a hot skinny blonde chick" stuff like that (and its shitty, but my brain wants to scream 'YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A THIGH GAP'
* *\*after i lie and tell her i'm just starting intermittent fasting for the health effects\** "oh cool, it feels really good to not eat a lot. why do you think i do it?"
* "yeah, i used to be super anorexic. i'd only eat like 1200 calories a day."
i love her to pieces but it is just excruciating talking to her about food. like, perspective, please.
I feel like no one will love me because I’m fat.
/u/anonymouslovergone
Created: Sat Oct 13 22:10:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o01r7/i_feel_like_no_one_will_love_me_because_im_fat/
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I’m actually fat, like medically over weight.
All the guys I talk to weigh around my weight
If I ever start talking to a guy I assume he’ll never want to be with me because I’m so fat. Especially because I’m young and in college : what’s the point of dating me when there’s more beautiful people?
I just feel so unworthy of love, I wish I was the pretty friend. I wish I was able to date someone and not automatically jump to my weight if it doesn’t work out
I'm having a meltdown lol
/u/averybluebitch [19f | 5'4 | lw: 52kg | cw 55,5kg | gw: ???]
Created: Sat Oct 13 22:05:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9o00n8/im_having_a_meltdown_lol/
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hey everyone ya girl is back to her bullshit
​
so right now i'm sobbing into my senna tea because earlier today i made my bf weight himself as a joke (in his clothes, which included jeans) and noticed that I'm back to weighting 10kg more than him (is this sentence even correct? anyway). I've been eating like a wild ape lately and haven't managed to restrict under 900 for more than like. 4 days the past three months? It's a mess, really.
​
so yeah I guess I'm just venting? I wish I could go back to eating around 600 cal/day, meh. Guess that's just how it is in this bitch of an earth.
Your work doesn’t define you
/u/SkinnyAgain259 [Height 5’7”| CW 155lbs | BMI 24.2 | Weight Lost 5lbs | Gender F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 21:31:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nztl4/your_work_doesnt_define_you/
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I know I’m not the only sex worker here with an ED.
This post is just to say, our work doesn’t define us. One day one customer might love us but the next he might hate it.
It doesn’t matter, we are people deserving of respect regardless of our job. Somedays I hate it but some I love it, but the problem I have most is tying my self worth with how sexy I am.
Regardless of it, I should still feel happy with myself, as should you. Our job doesn’t define us as a person, one negative comment doesn’t mean shit, it’s not a reason to bring us down.
Our weight is not a reason we do bad, remember that 99% of the time it’s something else. Most likely out of our control, we can’t cater to everyone all at once..
I’m sorry if this is out of line, I just remember what it feels like to be alone in this industry and have an ED. Regardless of what you think, what it is, remember that you’re not alone, never hurt yourself for the sake of others.
[Other] Can you take your jeans off without undoing them?
/u/gothicapples
Created: Sat Oct 13 21:14:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nzq1d/can_you_take_your_jeans_off_without_undoing_them/
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My waist is getting so small I can take my jeans off well they are done up
I got so freaking happy I started to tear up
[Rant/Rave] I’m putting my foot down
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 |CW 117 | GW 115 | GW 105-110 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 21:08:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nzon8/im_putting_my_foot_down/
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I will be 105-110 pounds by the end of the semester. I will lose these last 6-11 pounds. I will try my hardest to not binge. Just need to remember what I’m after. I will clean eat and fast. I will not lose control and end up purging.
[Rant/Rave] Eating out of shame.
/u/trackerbrothers [5'6 |cw: 118 | gw: 115 | bmi: 19.04 | 28F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 20:56:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nzm1f/eating_out_of_shame/
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Boyfriends dad came by the house today, and heads up, I absolutely love his dad. While I was walking out of the bathroom I ran into him and he was shocked by how much weight I lost. I don’t do well with people commenting on my size no matter how big or small I am. I became really flustered saying “oh I guess I’ve lost a bit”. Then he asked if I’ve been sick and I had to say I was a bit ago. I was so embarrassed, anxious and a million other emotions that made me want to disappear. I began talking about how I was trying to lose the weight I had gained a while ago blah blah blah, and really I just ended up humiliating myself. My boyfriend began saying things like how “she’s worked really hard and actually really proud of all the work she’s accomplished”. I love my boyfriend and I know his heart was in the right place, but I just wanted the whole thing to end.
Anyways! To the shame part! I went upstairs and hid away for hours. My boyfriend came up to tell me that there was pizza. I didn’t want to eat, but I went and forced myself to eat it in front of his dad so he didn’t think I was crazy. Surprise tho I’m not even tasting this shit, I’m just shoving it in as fast as possible to get this shit show over with so I guess that actually makes me crazy. Now I hate myself. It’s funny though, when I was coming out of the bathroom I had just weighed myself and I hit my goal weight then immediately scare this poor guy with my sick ass face.
Yay.
*on phone please excuse shitty writing skills*
anyone excited for Sunday?
/u/cortizonegnome [5'3" | bingetastic CW: 107 | GW 94 | UGW 88 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 20:49:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nzkmd/anyone_excited_for_sunday/
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I feel like there's an iteration of this post every week but Hey its a new week so I'm gonna be the one to make it. anyways it's almost midnight where I'm at and I'm like *buzzing* because I c/s like four large bags of Cheetos and like 20 donuts and it made me feel nauseous so I #forreal ate some carrots and iceberg lettuce and chugged some water but it made my stomach like extend so I feel absolutely disgusting but it's almost midnight which means it's almost Sunday which is a New Week and I'm going to do a liquids fast for the next five days.
the only thing keeping me from going insane from the guilt and self loathing is the idea that it's all going to 'reset' tomorrow and I can fast to get it all off.
actually I'm probably going to keep updating it in this thread (that only I will prob read lol) for my own accountability.
[Other] Eating at maintenence for a week-what I've learned, how I felt, and my plans now that I think I'm finally ready to go back to restriction.
/u/skeletonsofawhale
Created: Sat Oct 13 20:42:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nzj5f/eating_at_maintenence_for_a_weekwhat_ive_learned/
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Maintenence is 1670. I usually eat 200/day.
On thanksgiving, I prepared an 800 calorie meal that was supposed to be my OMAD. But then I saw all the other cool shit in my fridge that I didn't get to eat and it took me up to 1900.
Then the next day I was fasting and again, I mini-binged and had 1500.
Instead of panicking and fasting for like 2 weeks like I normally would, I decided I would have a maintenence week.
So the following few days afterwards I tried all the food that I hear are safe foods for others, but for my 200/day ass, I still couldn't have. I had a bunch of Halo Top, Avocado, Bananas, and I had a SHIT TON of canned soup.
On Wednesday I had 1200.
Thursday-1490
Friday-1740
As I write this on Saturday, I only had 80 calories, and I *was* about to finish on that note, but then I decided to have some popcorn, cheerios, and tofu. I haven't had tofu in SOOOO long and it was still in the fridge. It was once again, another mini-binge, but I'd like to think of it as more like an unplanned OMAD tbh.
Now I'm at 770, and I think I'm gonna close off here, which means ya girl is finally ready to go back to restriction. I'm not super uncomfortably full like I was during my 1000+ days, but I'm not starving either.
So perhaps I'm not ready to jump back to 200 a day, but clearly 770 is like, high-restriction level. I'm satisfied with this number. It may not my lowest record, but baby steps are clearly needed at this time since my self-control decided to go out the window lmfao.
But you know what? I think that ultimately, this week was a great thing for me. It allowed me to catch up with food that I genuinely miss, and I actually have a shitload of new go-to safe foods. I used to eat nothing but mushrooms, cauliflower, eggplant, spinach, and low cal smoothies. Now my new list includes a MASSIVE variety of various canned soups and vegetables, vegetarian meatball replacements, and also- salsa is super low in calories??? How come no one told me? I'm such a hoe for salsa now omfg
I haven't tried protein bars yet, but I think I will try one tomorrow to close off my high cal week since 1 of those bad bois are like 200 lmfao. But y'all keep saying they're safe so I guess I'll try one and see how I feel.
I also found out that multigrain cheerios are no longer a safe food. The plain version is still safe-ish to me, but because of the added sweetener in the multigrain version, it is WAY TOO ADDICTIVE. Not buying that shit ever again.
Lastly, FML HUMMUS TASTES WAY WORSE THAN I REMEMBER. I used to be a big hummus addict before ana, but obv it's way too high in cals for me nowadays. I tried it again this week and it's so overrated to me now??? Idk fam.
I mean, it's one week of putting my weight loss on pause. I've lost more or less 60 lbs already. I've got another 30 or 35 to go, but still. I've made crazy amounts of progress, and while I'm obviously not stopping here, I just had to take this quick break.
Usually at 200/day I can expect to lose about 3 lbs a week. This week I'll probably lose *at best,* a fraction of a pound since the last 2 days (today and tommorow) will be high restricting. But honestly? Putting my weight loss on pause for just 1 week was actually so fucking worth it. I've missed tofu and guacamole so much. I missed hummus too even tho that was a disappointment. It has taught me new safe foods, what to avoid, and I was actually able to eat with my family during a meal for the first time in like 2 months.
Did I feel like a fat piece of shit the whole time? Absolutely.
Did I feel like I was giving up with every bite I took? Yes.
But also- I was able to stand up without having my vision fade to black. I wasn't feeling nearly as lethargic, and I had a lot more energy. I didn't feel like I had to faint at all. If I was late to class, I was actually able to run instead of feeling like a half-dead zombie slowly crawling throughout campus. And lastly, I didn't feel nearly as fucking cold as I normally do. All of these things make me feel accomplished, but also quite shitty bc fainting is fucking scary.
I also used to freak out over the calories in diet soda, gum, and spices. Now I don't really give a fuck about logging those anymore. Yay for a tiny taste of recovery!
(I mean yeah, I still think about it, but it never actually goes in my log.)
I'm too fat and unready for REAL full recovery, plus it wasn't exactly recovery if I was physically unable to stop counting my cals and obsessively using my food scale and measuring cups the whole time. But this little minibinge/maintenence week was actually crucial to me in terms of getting my shit together, learning how to deal with going over my limit without a panic attack, and adding some variety to my safe food list and coming up with new food rules to shake up my usual routine. I think I'm going to restrict 600-700 next week, 400-500 the week after, and stay at that range. Also-I probably won't fast at all for like the next 3 weeks. I'm sick of fucking fasting.
200 a day is just.... ugh. I can't see myself doing it anymore for a while tbh. Weight loss might slow down a bit, which sucks but what can you do 🙃
If you find yourself eating more than you planned, please don't panic. Sometimes we deserve a little break, especially if you're a low restrictor like me and your body is so low on nutrients that it will lead to something like this eventually. Don't freak out too much. <3
Looking for Pinterest buddies
/u/sakurasora [5'2 | CW: 130 | BMI 23.8 | WL: 0 | Trans FtM]
Created: Sat Oct 13 20:42:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nzj59/looking_for_pinterest_buddies/
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[removed]
[Help] Help w/ nosy parents?
/u/WashiiTape [🌻 Height: 5'4 | CW: 119 | BMI: 19.4 | Gender: F 🌻]
Created: Sat Oct 13 20:40:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nzimb/help_w_nosy_parents/
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My parents are visiting. This would be totally alright, buuut theyre super snobby, plus they dont know i have an ed. They keep getting onto me about eating tiny portions of food, too much tea, and complaining that "everything you make is zero cal and sugar free why are you such a health nut!!" and its whatever, my parents wont be happy with anything i do so i dont even care, but i think they got suspicious after they caught me writing down my calories for the day. Can anyone think of good solid excuses for why im obsessive about not eating a lot?? It would fuck up a lot of my life if they found out about my ed, and im an awful liar :(
[Discussion] Has anyone tried the ABC diet
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 |CW 117 | GW 115 | GW 105-110 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 20:03:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nzam9/has_anyone_tried_the_abc_diet/
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I wanna try it but I can’t restrict that low over weekends. Is it worth it? How hard is it follow.
I puked straight up stomach acid and vodka last night and now my throat hurts whenever I try to eat
/u/alcoholhas2manykcal [5'4" | HW: 245 lb | CW: 174lb | GW: 120 lb | 23F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 20:01:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nza7f/i_puked_straight_up_stomach_acid_and_vodka_last/
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I was on a 2 day fast so that's all that was in my stomach- I bought 2 pizzas to have a nice little binge, but god damn, I don't know if I can get another slice down
blessing and a curse?
[Help] Please tell me it will be okay
/u/fernsandfoxes [5'5.5"|CW:109|BMI:18|GW:100|19F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 19:57:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nz9au/please_tell_me_it_will_be_okay/
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I just ate an unplanned OMAD that was a bit less than 1000 calories and I’m trying my hardest not to purge. Normally I have one binge a day, purge, then don’t eat anything else. I don’t want to live like this anymore and I don’t want to feel this way anymore. Please someone tell me I can keep this in, that it will be okay.
My MIL told me I look “positively model-thin” tonight.
/u/robreinerismydad [5’9”| 177| F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 19:50:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nz7np/my_mil_told_me_i_look_positively_modelthin_tonight/
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👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Grilled cheese..
/u/warmcorgi53
Created: Sat Oct 13 19:50:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nz7ni/grilled_cheese/
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Someone made me a grilled cheese for dinner and although I do know how many calories were for the bread (140) and cheese slice (70), she slathered spreadable butter on both slices of bread and I don’t know how to calculate it into MFP.. should I add an extra 100 calories?? Would that be under or overestimating??
My tailbone hurts....
/u/xlilgirlpoptartx [5'7 | CW: 200 | SW: 245 | GW:135 | F/37]
Created: Sat Oct 13 19:49:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nz7fz/my_tailbone_hurts/
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This may or may not be related to weight loss but I can’t comfortably sit any longer because either my hips hurt, or my tailbone does. I mean I’m gonna ask my doctor about it next week but I’m hoping the answer isn’t just that this is the price I pay to one day be skinny
I’ve never purged before
/u/lfhduivti
Created: Sat Oct 13 19:31:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nz3i9/ive_never_purged_before/
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And after tonight, I don’t think I ever will 💀
I felt really sick and went to bed to sleep it off. I woke up puking the 900 cals worth of nuts I ate earlier. At least I don’t feel as bad about the calories. I just feel bad, period. I have bits of nuts stuck in my sinuses. This is so fucking gross. I never want to eat again.
[Help] has anyone else experienced this?
/u/manfromanother-place [5’1.75 | CW:100 | GW: 95 | 18.4]
Created: Sat Oct 13 19:28:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nz2y9/has_anyone_else_experienced_this/
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when i touch my hip bones, they hurt like there is a bruise, but there is no discoloration! anyone else have/had a similar feeling?
[Discussion] I might be bulimic and I’m fine with that
/u/med_z [5'2ft | cw:115lbs|gw:84lbs|nb lesbian]
Created: Sat Oct 13 19:28:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nz2xx/i_might_be_bulimic_and_im_fine_with_that/
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Lately I haven’t been purging bc I haven’t really been eating anything unless I couldn’t find away out of it. But then it hit me that I still am purging bc I been taking laxatives, way over the recommended dose, which is somewhat upsetting bc before I could never fast and always ate everything so I would be purging 3-6 times a day so I would lose weight gain it back then lose again but now I have been fasting but for the food I have eaten I’ve took laxatives as a replacement for purging but ik lax don’t cause weight loss like purging and fasting does and plus my grandmother’s scale is broken so I can’t weigh myself and I can’t help but think I’m not losing anything weight. I’ve been stuck at the same place for 3 years and I haven’t gotten nowhere. I just wanna look sick, every time I go to the doctor nothing is ever wrong. I wanna go back to how I was and I feel like im getting close to my goal.
[Rant/Rave] Just ate 2000+ calories for the first time in months... help me deal?
/u/marshallcat
Created: Sat Oct 13 19:27:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nz2oo/just_ate_2000_calories_for_the_first_time_in/
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I was supposed to end the day at 350 net calories, but these past few days it's been increasingly harder to restrict (seriously, I can just feel the binge cycle creeping up on me), and on top of that I felt like a piece of garbage for laying in bed all day after the gym, and I guess my period is coming up? (or, you know, the sorry excuse for a period I get for 2-3 days a month), and yeah, the Kraken was unleashed. The worst part? I'm not even that full. Like, I hate myself and feel uncomfortable and disgusting but I could probably still fit a few more things inside my stomach. And there's this voice in my head telling me it's because I'm a fat piece of shit. And I wholeheartedly believe that voice.
Purging is in the back of my mind, but I'm trying to keep myself distracted by watching Forrest Gump (though when the whole 'box of chocolates' part came on I was like, OH THE IRONY) and planning ahead... which basically means telling myself I won't eat anything tomorrow... which might not be that hard considering there is nothing left to eat after my rampage today.
So if you could leave encouraging words, or like, give me some reason not to fling myself off a cliff, I'd greatly appreciate that. And I sincerely hope none of you are feeling as worthless and pathetic as I do right now :(.
Water Retention is Bullshit
/u/AS123x
Created: Sat Oct 13 19:15:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nyzv6/water_retention_is_bullshit/
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Yesterday, I wore a pair of size 6 jeggings that fit me perfectly. Today, after a moderate meal of egg drop soup and steamed potstickers (not even a binge, just a normal meal) I put my jeggings on a few hours later and they’re CUTTING INTO ME. I’m so bloated my jeans that just fit me yesterday barely wanna zip. It’s such bullshit I feel fat for eating NORMAL FOOD.
I'm really happy I found this sub
/u/Exposition_Fairy
Created: Sat Oct 13 19:11:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nyz3a/im_really_happy_i_found_this_sub/
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I just want to thank y'all for making this sub and let you know that it's been encouraging to read through some of the posts on here because that makes me feel like I'm not alone; and I appreciate the fact that people don't get a backlash here about their life choices.
​
I've been in-and-out of the binging/restricting cycle for a while now, with the ultimate goal to get to some specific measurements, which I consider to be very achievable - sure, it'd be considered very skinny but I think it's by no means skinny to the point of what society would label "unhealthy". I used to hit up multiple fitness subs, asking for advice particularly at points where I would plateau - and I'd usually give my weight/height stats and describe my eating routine. Mostly I was about to start going to the gym in addition to my diet and wanted to know the best approach to meeting my goals. However, whenever I'd make a thread on any of those subs, the only response I would get is essentially "ermagherd your BMI is below 18.5!!! You must be deathly underweight but you just don't know about it - here, I'm a couch internet expert, let me give you some advice: eat more so you can be fat like me and I can feel better about myself!" like no Karen, my diet was very reasonable considering that I had a very sedentary lifestyle, and nobody died from eating 1200 cals. Also being under 18.5 BMI means jack shit because what matters is how you look, and I definitely didn't look the way I wanted to. Also people forget muscle weighs more than fat, so low BMI can be due to lack of muscle mass but you can still have stubborn fat.
​
Anyways, point is - in many of the posts on here people spill out their souls to you guys and some of the stories have really resonated and it's great that there's a place on Reddit where people can just do that and not be judged with their questions be completely ignored. That is all.
Absolutely worth it
/u/hayyou4
Created: Sat Oct 13 19:08:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nyydv/absolutely_worth_it/
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[removed]
Baking for self control?
/u/peppermintpumpkin
Created: Sat Oct 13 19:05:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nyxka/baking_for_self_control/
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Am I the only person that bakes a lot to gain more self control around certain foods? I usually have different phases where I go crazy making different types of foods (cookies, cakes, etc) and even if I go over my daily calorie limit, I feel like in the long run, it’s worth it because I don’t find myself having difficulties refusing desserts. Is that just a me thing?
[Help] Looking for some advice around family...
/u/ATandSocks
Created: Sat Oct 13 18:54:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nyv1a/looking_for_some_advice_around_family/
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Hey all, just in need of some quick advice. My family is constantly giving me more food than I would ever want to eat, and they get very suspicious if I don’t eat it, or leave halfway through the meal. I don’t want to tell them about my ED because that would just make it worse (they’re the “why don’t anorexic people just eat more” types). I understand I need to eat to survive, but I’d just like to eat less. Honestly, I hurt myself way more trying to purge or overexercise the food off than I would if they let me just eat what I wanted. Any tips?
Visiting my skinny Japanese family over thanksgiving :/
/u/peacecorpsquestion3 [5’6 | 115]
Created: Sat Oct 13 18:51:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nyudj/visiting_my_skinny_japanese_family_over/
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My goal is to be 110 by then. I’m stuck in such a horrible binge cycle though. Wish me luck- I’ll have to consistently stick to like 1000 or less a day :/ (my flair is old btw I’ve gained like 7 lbs)
self control
/u/highriskpatient
Created: Sat Oct 13 18:38:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nyrf8/self_control/
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https://imgur.com/TNt3F4Y
[Tip] Fitbit keeps me accountable
/u/patbumbum [5'6 | PIG| UGW |94| F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 18:37:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nyr60/fitbit_keeps_me_accountable/
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https://i.redd.it/s2g6t699r1s11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] Lactose
/u/LilEggyBread
Created: Sat Oct 13 18:10:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nykti/lactose/
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So I’ve recently discovered that I’m lactose intolerant... meaning a very high majority of what I used to eat is off the table unless I want to be in pain for ages after— I don’t think even I am that self destructive !! I couldn’t be more chuffed :)
[Other] I think I’m depressed again...
/u/not-creative-enough-
Created: Sat Oct 13 17:56:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nyhgh/i_think_im_depressed_again/
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I’ve completely lost my appetite. I’ve been productive but I also just feel like shit, I wanna cry and I feel so emotionless I guess? Like I can’t connect with anyone. They’re inside a bubble that I can’t enter. I also feel like I can’t speak or open my mouth (I obviously can, but something is telling me no).
At first I just kinda thought I wasn’t hungry so I started a fast, but I don’t want anything in my mouth/stomach, no gum or drinks. I am staying hydrated, but still. I don’t know what set this off, I almost like it because maybe I’ll finally get to my goal weight. Not eating is better than a binge cycle (which I was just trapped in).
I’ve never experienced loss of appetite with depression, I had bed. I guess the tables flipped now. I tried buying some low-cal food while at the store for after my fast but I couldn’t bring myself to doing that, I knew I’d want to eat them but I also feel like I can’t.
Returning to ed
/u/missfizzel
Created: Sat Oct 13 17:27:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nyahc/returning_to_ed/
---
Hi everyone. I've had a few years of anorexia, a few years of "recovery" which was basically just overeating with supervision. Now I've started working out at the gym - I do a bit of cardio and then lift weights. I don't eat any meat but I do love alcohol. Just wanting to introduce myself basically, and hopefully get some support from like minded people.
[Help] Does anyone else get tongue cramps/pain?
/u/aliswho [5'10.5 | CW: 127.1lbs | GW: 91lbs | 16F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 17:25:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ny9y3/does_anyone_else_get_tongue_crampspain/
---
Say if I fast, then eat something ex. an apple or gum, my tongue hurts sooo much on one side (usually the right). Anyone else?! It hurts so bad I won't be able to eat until it calms down.
Out of control when drunk
/u/missfizzel
Created: Sat Oct 13 17:16:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ny7th/out_of_control_when_drunk/
---
Does anyone else completely lose control after alcohol? Like I will eat perfectly for such a long time but as soon as I drink it's like all the cravings hit at once. There's no way to stop this though
[Tip] i finally found a good low cal soup recipe!
/u/MeowMixIsSatan
Created: Sat Oct 13 17:15:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ny7ol/i_finally_found_a_good_low_cal_soup_recipe/
---
oceans halo pho broth: 1 cup = 10 calories
wel-pac egg white noodles: 1 ounce = 90 calories
sriracha sauce if you like for spice: 0 calories
hard boiled egg if you want: 1 large egg = 78 calories
the noodles expand a lot and i never drink the broth, its mainly just to keep the noodles warm with some flavor. the ingredients are pretty cheap too!
without the egg it’s 90-100 calories and with the egg it’s 168-178 calories!
[Discussion] Those of you that have supportive SOs, how did you talk to them about what they should and shouldn’t do?
/u/malificentbeauty [5'2.5 | SW 150 | GW 110 | -9 | 21F ]
Created: Sat Oct 13 17:14:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ny78i/those_of_you_that_have_supportive_sos_how_did_you/
---
So my boyfriend knows about my ED, but he has always seemed to get a little uncomfortable when I share a lot about it. Like talking about how I used to purge and how low my weight was at one point, I can tell it either grossed him out or he doesn’t know what to say or something. And then today I saw a really funny meme over on r/proEDmemes and I asked him before I sent it, can I send you this meme about ED stuff and he said yeah. So I sent it and said I was happy that I have these communities to help me not feel so alone, so I probably won’t tell the therapist about them that I’m about to go see or else they might make me stop. And he said well I think you should take their advice and not hide it and idk that’s not what I wanted to hear. He just doesn’t know how to react to me talking about ED stuff.
Those of you who are open about it with your SO, how did you get to that point and how can I talk about this more openly with my bf?
[Discussion] Family and weight loss
/u/BigFrameSkinnyAddict
Created: Sat Oct 13 17:06:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ny552/family_and_weight_loss/
---
A huge reason behind my ED is my family and the constant talk of weightloss and diets. Every Sunday we go to my papas house for lunch and bow since nearly everyone on my moms side is on diets its salads and fruit all around. Sometimes we have "normal food" but my aunt wont eat it because she is paleo she eats something else. Anyway, after the whole discussion of weightloss and diets I felt pressured to lose weight and my family got very worried. Ive lost 30 LBS in the past 2 years, which isnt bad but in only 13. I remeber the look on my doctors face when she saw my growth and weight chart and was surprised at how tall I had gotten and how much weight I loss. I weny from being 146 LB to 117 LB from being 11-13 years old.
[Rant/Rave] Is it bad that i want to be skinner than my girlfriend
/u/Anaisdabomb
Created: Sat Oct 13 17:03:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ny4ew/is_it_bad_that_i_want_to_be_skinner_than_my/
---
Long story short my gf is 5"10' and only hit 100 pounds 3 years ago and she is around 110-120 pounds now. when ever I'm with her all I can think about is how disgustingly big I am next to her, and I always compare myself to her. I feel like one day she's just going to leave me for my weight and ughhhh. I'm a mess.
Perfection while flying
/u/lunasouseiseki [180cm | 77kg | 23.8 | -10kg | F:snoo_shrug:]
Created: Sat Oct 13 16:58:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ny2zr/perfection_while_flying/
---
I just watched a plane full of air hostesses do a 12 hour flight looking perfect. These women were such goals. Their uniforms were so tight. Each and every one of them must have been an Australian size 8 or smaller. Hair and make up on point. Meanwhile I'm scoffing down as much free muffins and apple juice as I can. They always had a smile. Always had a kind word.
I get that it's their job. I understand that they get paid to be and look perfect, but when you're also seeking perfection and see people do it so flawlessly it's such a wake up call.
I'm definitely not doing enough. I need to see perfection as my job. I need to be so effortlessly beautiful that people stare at me in awe and wonder.
Measured my waist wrong and nearly lost it... fml
/u/Ineedthinspo [5'6 | 146 | 23.6 | -45 | ]
Created: Sat Oct 13 16:57:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ny2uo/measured_my_waist_wrong_and_nearly_lost_it_fml/
---
So I was trying to figure out what size clothes to order online, and I'm sure y'all know the struggle trying to figure out if you should wait until UGW or not, but anyways I was a size 12 in January and since then I'm down 50lbs.
Well online size 12 is a 32-34" waist according to the size chart, and my dumb self measured wrong and thought that I still had a 33" waist. Guys, I about lost it. Like who loses 50lbs and their waist stays exactly the same??!
Turns out my waist was 28" and I don't know how to measure. 😱
So now my only dilemma is whether to wait to buy clothes or not since my goal is 22". :/
[Other] why the fuck am i crying over apple cider
/u/duskedfur [5'7" | CW: 100 | 15.6 | UGW: 95 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 16:44:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nxzkz/why_the_fuck_am_i_crying_over_apple_cider/
---
so trader joe’s has this FUCKIN INCREDIBLE spiced cider that they sell every year when fall rolls around. it’s been a tradition for my dad and i to buy jugs of it as soon as we can- the nearest trader joe’s is 45 minutes away so it’s kind of a special occasion thing for us to go. i got some a few weeks ago when i was visiting him because he wanted to go and get it, but when i went back, i “accidentally” left the unopened jug at his house. i have a lot of ED rules, but my absolute most important rule is that i don’t drink anything that has calories. even in the middle of a massive binge i won’t make it worse by drinking full sugar soda or a milkshake or anything like that. i’m visiting again and the jug is sitting in the fridge, still unopened, and i’m legitimately crying over it. i used to love that cider and crave it year round and enjoy every drop, but now all i see are empty calories instead of a treat that reminds me of my favorite season. i want my fucking life back.
lunches for the week :) what’s your favorite bar?
/u/Euphoricmelancholy
Created: Sat Oct 13 16:14:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nxrsb/lunches_for_the_week_whats_your_favorite_bar/
---
http://imgur.com/LkFwIdh
My ED is awful but it also gives me peace.
/u/Evelyght [5'4" | 59.5kg | 23.1 | -11kg | F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 16:10:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nxqmo/my_ed_is_awful_but_it_also_gives_me_peace/
---
Not sure if anyone else feels this, but sometimes, my ED is all I have. At the moment, it's all I have left. I'm 32. I have a good job. I have a PhD and I'm a full-time permanent university lecturer (in psychology because of course), and I have have books and work - not a lot else. But in the last three weeks, I have broken up with my BF (who is the only bf or gf I've had), it was my dead mother's birthday, my best friend and mentor at work announced he was leaving, my brother and sister-in-law had yet another miscarriage, my work imploded yet further because I've been given a SHED load of more responsibility (for no extra pay - just more blame to see if I can "cut it") and we've had floods, corrupted timetables, staff illnesses that need classes covering, no personal tutor hours that need sorting, assessment boards re-scheduled and feuds between colleagues), I've slept on average 1/5 hours a night (hi insomnia, my old friend), and a weird person who knows a group of friends of mine who I don't want to insult and who also know my...ex invite himself to stay at my flat and - when I didn't want to sleep in my bed because there was a strange, uninvited boy there, he towered over me totally starkers at 4:30 am while I was trig to sleep on my yoga mat on the living rom floor. And he wouldn't leave the next day until I lied and said I had to go to the library. I also had to run my first half-marathon, write a bunch of lectures and I'm on a cyclothymic downer that I've stopped taking meds for. I don't think I'm okay, really.
All of this madness and stuff happening that I pretend I have a handle on but don't - my ED is what I have. My ED is rules and certainty and absolute and calming and predicable and numbing and holy heck. Over everything else, I'm \*craving\* the normality that I get from my ED. I can't even explain how much I long for it. It's sure and there and ever present and I need an anchor. It might absolutely send me spiralling again, but for the moment, the anchor is all I need. Please tell me I'm not alone here.
[Rant/Rave] My bank account told me how much I’d spent on food...
/u/existing--
Created: Sat Oct 13 16:03:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nxop1/my_bank_account_told_me_how_much_id_spent_on_food/
---
I’m so ashamed. And so angry at myself because it was mostly for b/p or c/s and what a fucking waste. I could have used that money for important things. I’m so broke and struggling right now and I literally flushed over $1000 straight down the toilet.
[Rant/Rave] I just B/Ped for the first time in five years.
/u/malificentbeauty [5'2.5 | SW 150 | GW 110 | -9 | 21F ]
Created: Sat Oct 13 16:01:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nxo9m/i_just_bped_for_the_first_time_in_five_years/
---
I binged a fuckton at my university dining court, and it just felt like everyone’s eyes were on me and everyone was noticing how much I was eating and I could feel how fat I am and then I left and went right to the bathroom outside of the food court and tried to get myself to throw it all up and I couldn’t. It just wouldn’t all come up. I got some of it out but the rest is still there and it’s freaking me out and I just feel so gross. I’m disgusting. I failed at eating normal, I failed at restricting, I failed at purging. God dammit.
When someone figures out that I go to the gym.
/u/nicola96xo
Created: Sat Oct 13 15:59:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nxnkn/when_someone_figures_out_that_i_go_to_the_gym/
---
https://i.redd.it/v5x7pd43z0s11.jpg
[Other] my purse is a literal ED starter pack: diet pepsi, gum, laxatives, bronkaid, and adderall.
/u/happybumblebree [✨🍭 27F | 17.9 💖✨]
Created: Sat Oct 13 15:44:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nxjtq/my_purse_is_a_literal_ed_starter_pack_diet_pepsi/
---
https://i.redd.it/ryh5ystiw0s11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] Exercise is hard
/u/mmblarg
Created: Sat Oct 13 15:41:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nxiuf/exercise_is_hard/
---
Just a self pity rant. I finally got up the nerve/motivation to start a couch to 5k app workout. Basically timed intervals of walk and jog 3 times a week to work you up into being able to jog uninterrupted for 20-30 minutes. I couldn’t even finish the first day’s 30 minute workout... i’m such a fat piece of shit
Now, the last time i went on a health bender i ate 1500 or less calories and went to the gym 5 days a week for 2-4 hours at a time. Other women would marvel at my strength (once a week a little lady would use a weight machine after me and remark “oh my gosh! You actually had the weights set to that? I can’t even move that!”) cardio has always been a challenge but i could knock out 2 miles in 30 minutes and then hit the elliptical for an hour... but all of that never made a dent in my weight and shape (i’ve decided i’m cursed. I can be healthy but never “fit”) So now I’m hard core angry restricting... barely lost 10 pounds, feel weak as shit, and when i want to add exercise to try to push my body more i feel like i’m gonna pass out! God damn it i hate it but at the same time this is the only thing that fucking changes my weight! So bring it on body! Fight all you want but you’re gonna do what i want damn it!
Ok... i kinda motivated myself again 😆
[Rant/Rave] I’m almost under 10 stone and I’m so happy
/u/SkinnyAgain259 [Height 5’7”| CW 155lbs | BMI 24.2 | Weight Lost 5lbs | Gender F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 15:40:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nxint/im_almost_under_10_stone_and_im_so_happy/
---
Today I weighed 10st 0.8lbs so 140.8lbs and I’m finally almost under it.
Before any of this disordered eating happened I would always hover at 9st 3lbs (129), that was always my weight and most people considered me slim. Of course I’ll never feel satisfied, I never felt slim then but hey, I’m one step closer to a weight I felt alright at for years.
I’m slightly annoyed because if I would have started and kept to it sooner I’d already be at my GW by now, but after almost a year at over 140lbs I’m just gonna take what I can get. I’ve been restricting at less than 1000 for the past few weeks and it feels easy to do it for the time being. I can’t wait to be considered skinny again, to fit into my old clothes and to feel like I can actually leave my house.
I haven’t had a night out with friends for ages, I feel to disgusting to dress up and when I was at my lowest (108-112ish) I always used to love getting dressed up and going out. I must sound so vein.
I’m just so happy it’s getting closer, I know I’ll never be happy with myself but for now thinking that my life will magically get better once I reach that number is what’s driving me.
I’m half tipsy so sorry if this makes no sense, thanks for listening
Just in time for Halloween, I give you anorexic Japanese ghost lady! 👻
/u/UnderseaK [5'7 |cw:145lbs |BMI 22.7 | gw:110lbs]
Created: Sat Oct 13 15:39:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nxidm/just_in_time_for_halloween_i_give_you_anorexic/
---
So, TIL about the [yuki-onna](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yuki-onna), a type of Japanese ghost. I am pretty sure this ghost chick is anorexic. Most likely a 2006 pro-ana who read Wintergirls too much.
The Yuki-Onna:
- Is inhumanly cold
- Is so pale as to be nearly transparent
- Walks in the snow without leaving footprints (oh lawd the cliche)
- Walks around asking for tea
- Carries mirrors around with her
So yeah, I read all that and thought you all might get a kick out of it. If this disease kills me, I’m for sure coming back as a yuki-onna 😂
A reminder that your day isn’t ruined because you ate over your calorie limit
/u/peacecorpsquestion3 [5’6 | 115]
Created: Sat Oct 13 15:39:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nxib0/a_reminder_that_your_day_isnt_ruined_because_you/
---
Today I ate 1470 calories.
As scary as that is and as much as I hate myself right now, I’m not going to go cope by stuffing my face with stroopwafels and Oreos because fuck it, the day is ruined
Because it’s not. At 1470 calories I’m roughly 500 calories under my TDEE. I will still lose .2 lbs today. But if I say fuck it and binge, I won’t
Just a reminder that progress is progress and your day isn’t ruined if you eat too much ❤️
[Other] I binge when unhappy and don’t eat when happy
/u/Burlesqua [🌷 5'4'' | CW:108 | BMI:18 | 20/F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 15:19:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nxcys/i_binge_when_unhappy_and_dont_eat_when_happy/
---
I just realized this the other day. When I was at that guy’s house with whom I spent a lovely evening, I wasn’t even hungry when I woke up in the morning. Neither during the day. It’s only when I came back home, faced my mother who’s my biggest trigger that I started to stuff my face. I wish I was someone who doesn’t eat when feeling down instead of doing this shit show which is b/p..
Can someone reassure me?
/u/PsychoticGiggles
Created: Sat Oct 13 15:18:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nxcqn/can_someone_reassure_me/
---
So I recently went from OMAD to 2MAD after a year of OMAD and I'm having anxiety that its too good to be true.
If I eat a calorie deficit in a 24 hour period I lose weight right? Say my Tdee is 2380 and I eat 600 calories at 1 am and 800 at 7pm that day but another 600 calories the next day at 1 am and so on its still 1400 calories in a 24 hour period right?
I feel like I'm cheating the system spacing out my meals this is so foreign to me.
Usually I'm good at throwing illogical eating disorder beliefs out the window but for some reason I'm actually struggling here.
Sorry for being weird
Thoughts on changing my daily calorie intake from 700 to 500.
/u/beeeleave [5’4 | 119 |20.8 | 11| female]
Created: Sat Oct 13 15:17:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nxcet/thoughts_on_changing_my_daily_calorie_intake_from/
---
[Help] What over the counter things can I take that reduced appetite?(other than diet pills)
/u/gothicapples
Created: Sat Oct 13 14:54:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nx61n/what_over_the_counter_things_can_i_take_that/
---
I know about tums but what else do you take to not feel hungry
Any help would be awesome
[Rant/Rave] Hate how fragile my self esteem is
/u/cattivity
Created: Sat Oct 13 14:48:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nx4k7/hate_how_fragile_my_self_esteem_is/
---
Most days I wear tshirts and pants and plain black sneakers because I really hate my body and I would just rather go unnoticed. Today that changed because I wanted to feel attractive for once. I put on a black pencil skirt and this low cut, long sleeve, velvet top. I thought I looked cute. I was planning on going out with my boyfriend to get a pumpkin and he didn't comment on my appearance except to say "um you should probably change you're going to be cold"
I literally wanted to explode right then and there. He's the one who says that he wishes I dressed nicer and more feminine so he could show me off and then the one time I do, he...tells me to change??? It's just that this is like the third time I've dressed up to appeal to him and he either says "Why are you dressed like that?" Or "Put something else on you'll be cold."
It really messes with my head.
I can't fucking win. In my head I'm saying to him "yeah its alright can you just cut the shit and tell me I'm a fat piece of shit and you would rather I hide in baggy clothes? Thanks"
Needless to say. I changed out of my clothes and I'm not going to go get a pumpkin because I'm awful and vain and this simple comment destroyed any positive feeling I had for a second about my self image. (:
That's all folks.
hey do you guys feel like youre not a real person
/u/kurtvonnegutfanclub
Created: Sat Oct 13 14:24:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nwy4d/hey_do_you_guys_feel_like_youre_not_a_real_person/
---
like i feel like because of my weight im not a normal, regular person like everyone else becUse my weight is the first thing that you notice about me and i feel like im not a person, but a Fat Person.
Purposely triggering allergies?
/u/heyimbored_
Created: Sat Oct 13 14:14:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nwvi6/purposely_triggering_allergies/
---
So on days where I overeat/binge I will purposely drink milk (I’m really sensitive to dairy) and it gives me really bad stomach aches/diarrhea. I was wondering if anyone else did that?
My bottom drawer got stuck and I just stuck my forearm through the hole and moved things around until it opened! Can’t bring myself to step on a scale so lil moments like this keep me going :)
/u/oooshethique
Created: Sat Oct 13 14:10:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nwucq/my_bottom_drawer_got_stuck_and_i_just_stuck_my/
---
https://i.redd.it/jbawpsnnf0s11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] My vacation sucked
/u/Lilith-Rising [5'7'' (170cm)|F|CW:158|GW:130]
Created: Sat Oct 13 14:00:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nwrjq/my_vacation_sucked/
---
The culmination of my self-esteem and eating issues were realized this week when I went to visit my best friend out of state. I was looking forward to this for months, and now I’m just relieved it’s over so I can go back to fasting and hiding away.
I was in a permanent bad mood, I know I was a bitch. Everything upset me because everything revolved around food. I probably gained 10 pounds stuffing my face, I’m so scared to step on the scale. We ate out multiple times a day because she wanted to show me places. I was so upset because I didn’t know the calorie content of anything.
And she fucking WATCHES ME while I eat at every single meal to see if I’m enjoying myself or whatever and then she’s like, “you seem upset, what’s wrong?” What’s wrong is I’m being fucking stared at while I’m eating and I’m upset because I’m eating in the first place and absolutely gaining weight and I hate eating in front of others and now I’m under the microscope?? I’m not even kidding I wanted to cry at every meal because I just wanted to be left alone! She thought I was being funny or over dramatic but I was genuinely upset and stressed.
To make it worse I brought clothes I was comfortable in. She’s a fucking size 4 and harassed me EVERY DAY about trying on her clothes, which triggered anxiety every time because I knew I couldn’t fit into them. “Oh you’d fit!” She’s going to be a fucking Doctor so she ain’t dumb but she didn’t get it, I’m 30lbs heavier!!! And all she had was short short jean shorts and the one thing I found that fit me she said she was embarrassed to be seen with me in because they’re “pajamas.” They were Nike running shorts and the only thing stretchy enough to fit. I was so embarrassed and upset.
Do you know how bizarre it is to be prompted about it multiple times a day? I felt absolutely awful and bloated about myself the entire time and to be constantly reminded about how I won’t fit into these clothes was terrifying, I don’t know what other word to use! I was an anxious mess and I resent her for it and I feel awful that I do. But I asked her multiple times to just fucking stop and she wouldn’t? She didn’t get why it was upsetting and repeatedly asked if I had tried on her clothes!
Thanks for reading if you got this far. I’m conflicted because I feel like while I do have issues, she was fucking relentless and I don’t blame myself for being upset. If I didn’t know better I would think she’s triggering me on purpose. Who does that?? I’m sitting in the airport and fucking RELIEVED to go home. My biggest take away is that I should have just lost more weight before the trip because if I could have fitted into those size 4 clothes I wouldn’t have been a bitching mess. I hope you all had a better week.
[Discussion] anyone else obsessed with @celebface ??
/u/loud-places [5'2" | CW: 112 | 20.1 | GW: 107 | -13 | 22F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 13:57:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nwquj/anyone_else_obsessed_with_celebface/
---
THIS INSTA ACCOUNT HAS CHANGED MY LIFE. No joke.
It basically shows photoshop before and afters for celebs photos (e.g. red carpet vs. what they posted on instagram) and it's WHACK. They take inches off their waist. Make themselves curvier. Change the shape of their face (?)
Not only does it show us how our thinspo is based on bodies that don't exist, but it shows how severe body dysmorphia is in the modelling and celebrity community. Bittersweet.
Does it lower my body dysmorphia? No, but it makes me feel a little less guilty about never being able to achieve that waist to hip ratio.
(fyi the account is private because a lot of celebrities try to block and report it but you'll get accepted soon)
(([here's an article about it with some examples](http://www.dazeddigital.com/fashion/article/40711/1/celebface-instagram-celebrity-photoshop-before-and-after-airbrushing-revealed), but there are much better ones on the account))
[Help] Please consider this my official cry for help
/u/LeOssa
Created: Sat Oct 13 13:50:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nwown/please_consider_this_my_official_cry_for_help/
---
https://imgur.com/b9Zr8Pi
[Goal] I want to weigh as much as my skinny best friend.
/u/wispybubble [5’10 | 16F | 158 | 22.38 | -24lbs]
Created: Sat Oct 13 13:36:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nwkwa/i_want_to_weigh_as_much_as_my_skinny_best_friend/
---
Yes she’s half a foot shorter than me. But my boyfriend can easily pick her up because she “weighs nothing” and I want him to be able to lift me like that.
I know BMI wise I’m only 5lbs away from being the same as her, but I feel fatter. I want to be short and dainty, but until they have height reduction technology i’m going to have to settle.
[Rant/Rave] I got drunk and didn't binge??
/u/jmiles00 [5'2 | 144.8 CW| 26.5 BMI | ftm]
Created: Sat Oct 13 13:30:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nwj5z/i_got_drunk_and_didnt_binge/
---
My typical cycle is to fast all day until like 8 pm and then binge on absolutely everything in sight.
Yesterday I had a fairly "normal" meal- 2 small slices of pizza and some veggies around 4 and was planning on that being all until an impromptu hang led me to 2 soft tacos and a lot of liquor.
I was actively planning on buying one of everything from my vending machine when I got home but instead I got a single candy bar and a pack of crackers.
I know this all totals up to a lot of calories but I was so sure I would have doubled or tripled it with a b/p sesh (and I woke up a lb lighter so hey I'm celebrating the small victory)
[Rant/Rave] Losing interests
/u/OneCreepyAssWeekend
Created: Sat Oct 13 13:29:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nwit1/losing_interests/
---
Mainly because my weight is brought up every 5 minutes. I'm a gamer and somehow some way i get out down for it. "No wonder you're so big and you look old" I can't eat one cookie "You know diabetes runs in the family." I can't put anything in my mouth without feeling horrible afterwards. I'm not a size 2. I'm not thin like everyone else here and at work. I'm not someone to date or want to look at anyway. I know. I don't need to be reminded. I still play videogames but no one knows that keeps me from binging not gaining weight. No I don't excercise much but I do walk alot. It's not coming off overnight I mean damn. And when someone knows I'm trying to eat better or not at all, food gets shoved in my face like oh you'll eat it anyway. I'm too big for this shit.
[Rant/Rave] New low of the week
/u/Marca19 [5"0.5 | 101lbs | BMI 19.4| FTM]
Created: Sat Oct 13 13:21:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nwgpz/new_low_of_the_week/
---
> carefully budget for homemade pierogi
> spend hours making the filling and dough
> have an existential crisis while attempting to fill the dumplings
> begin to cry and throw the dough in the trash
> binge on biscuits
> contemplate jumping out of a window, purge and leave the house to buy a bathroom scale at 8:30pm
Guys, I'm so tired of my own bullshit.
[Rant/Rave] I hate the way relationships affect me and my self worth
/u/acykq
Created: Sat Oct 13 13:06:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nwc4d/i_hate_the_way_relationships_affect_me_and_my/
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Just got fucked over AGAIN by a guy I really really liked. He told me he really liked me a lot too but something just wasn't there in the sex. Obviously that just means he's not sexually attracted to me, so I guess it's time to starve and exercise until I'm worthy of peoples' respect.
[Help] Tendon pop?
/u/WearyFinish
Created: Sat Oct 13 13:05:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nwbvg/tendon_pop/
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So I know it's not exactly ED related, but I feel like everyone here is really supportive...
I've been rearranging furniture around my apartment by myself all day and it's really heavy (yay workout). While moving a recliner I heard/felt a pop in my achilles tendon area. This has happened a couple times before while stretching, and I tend to put more pressure on that foot because my other ankle is messed up from lightly spraining it while jogging a couple years ago and not properly treating it.
It's a little tense but not super painful, but now that I don't have health insurance (and my hypochondriac ass went to Dr. Google who told me I ruptured/tore my tendon and it's super damaging w/o medical treatment) I'm really freaked out that I did serious damage. I iced it and am now heating it but I feel like I might be making it worse or the sensations are making me feel it more...idek but I'm panicking real bad. I can't afford to not be able to walk because of an injury and I can't afford surgery.
Can someone please tell me it's fine?? I feel like I'm going to explode with anxiety. At least this is distracting me from thinking about food I guess.
have you ever looked at a picture of yourself pre-ED and got embarrassed for how you used to look?
/u/bruteheart
Created: Sat Oct 13 12:51:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nw7gi/have_you_ever_looked_at_a_picture_of_yourself/
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an old friend from high school still has a picture of us up on twitter from like 30 pounds ago and maybe it should make me feel good.... but i just feel so gross and embarrassed that i looked like that. i feel like i look a lot different from then but also maybe i don’t. maybe it’s all in my head. i’m also just so embarrassed that i ever let myself be that fat. and that everyone from high school knows me as that, when i (i hope? god i hope) look very different now. aaaa the feelings are so conflicting
[Rant/Rave] Sad because I attempted recovery and I just got fatter. :(
/u/Izzy570 [5’4| CW 111lb | BMI 18.5 | GW 90lb | LW 94lb | F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 12:46:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nw5sv/sad_because_i_attempted_recovery_and_i_just_got/
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Gonna tw this because weight and calories ect ect
——————
Ok so 2014 I was about 120lbs and I dropped to 95 in around 6 months or so and then spend the next few years going between 98-105.
This year I thought I was sick of the cycle of ‘normal’ eating and then panicking once I reached a certain weight and losing it again. Tbh I never really binged or anything although at the beginning I did purge but it started to give me nose bleeds so I had to stop.
So I started around 108 and went to the gym and weight trained, was told to eat 500 extra calories a day. Tbh I did not know about lean bulking or anything so ofc I gained weight v fast like 4 pounds first month and then it stopped my metabolism got really fast?? Like I was eating 3k a day (this sucked, rip stomach, I felt greedy af) and gaining barely anything but I stuck at it and got to 115. Then I panicked, I got a tiny bit stronger but my body just looked fatter. Not any of this ‘weight training makes you thinner ignore the scale!!!’ :( not for me and same with measurements so it isn’t a body dysmorphia thing.
So now I’m in full relapse as of last week and fatter than ever.
:(
[Rant/Rave] so i hate what i look like
/u/hairbrushes
Created: Sat Oct 13 12:46:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nw5r8/so_i_hate_what_i_look_like/
---
i’m too skinny yet i’m too fat and i got very drunk last night and i realized i look just... awful.
i look fucking sick. i feel sick. i have no energy i’m cold and i’m miserable to be around.
i’m sick of chewing and spitting i’m sick of taking melatonin to sleep through hunger pains.
i’m so tired of this. but i can’t stop. i told myself last night i was going to stop- but my ass was drunk as fuck. i woke up at 118.9lbs after my run aka my lowest weight soooooo
[Help] Help. Please. I am actually desperate
/u/slightlyannoyed0
Created: Sat Oct 13 12:42:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nw4k5/help_please_i_am_actually_desperate/
---
Current Height: 5'5
Current Weight: 116.5lbs
Goal Weight: 110lbs
Under-Goal Weight: 98-100lbs
Current BMI: 19.4
Goal BMI: 18.3 (110lbs)
16.0 (98lbs) - 16.6 (100lbs)
(I like stats, if you couldn't tell)
I currently go to a clinic for eating disorders, eat >700cal there, and try to eat as little as possible once I get home. I have been "making" (and by that, I mean making it for my mother and... me... then disposing mine in the garbage disposal before she gets home and saying that I had already eaten since I was "so hungry") and am leaving said clinic Thursday, going back to school the week after, after not being there for 3 weeks due to the treatment.
The real problem, is that I don't want to let go of my "eating disorder", I had just started losing a lot of weight after a long plateau, and was losing 0.5lbs a day.
I don't want to get better.
I want to continue to lose weight and restrict as much as possible.
I don't know how to trick everyone into thinking that I am fine, other than trying harder at school, to the point of running on fumes since I can't think straight if I don't eat.
My mother is the worst. She signed me up for the treatment after worrying about me and my "thoughts", I had blood work and an EKG done, perfectly normal, especially since I had lost 20lbs in 2 months, which is healthy (even though my BMI was already at a healthy range - 23.3). She will definitely make sure that I eat regularly, and not just dinner. If I refuse to, Residential is the way to go then.
I am under so much stress...
I don't know what to do...
I don't want to eat or get better. How do I possibly trick these dumbasses (read: people) into believing me when I say that I had something to eat or already ate?
I don't want to gain any more, I actually want to die so much. I hate my family, my life, my body. When people tell me "it could be worse", THAT DOESNT FUCKING MAKE ME FEEL BETTER. It makes me feel worse than anything...
I'm too fat for anything anymore. I miss my isolation and sadness, and this clinic shit is stressing me out to the MAX. My hair is falling out from the amount of anger and stress I am in, and it's not from not eating, but stress... undeniable, terrible, frustrating stress. The most I have experienced in my life, if anything.
But please, some advice is appreciated. I need to know someone's input who has probably gone through the same situation, but if you haven't, ideas are always welcomed.
Thank you.
[Help] Talk me out of this b/p please
/u/MagnoliaPetal
Created: Sat Oct 13 12:41:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nw4bx/talk_me_out_of_this_bp_please/
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Giving you the short version as I'm really on the verge of leaving for the store to buy tons of ice cream.
I'm just under 1,200 (my max amount) but the thing is that after dinner I had some fruit. So even though I'm still within my goal amount, it feels like a failure to me, eating anything after dinner always does to me.
So at this point I want to go buy garbage I'm craving, eat until it hurts then purge everything. It just seems easier and I'll probably lose doing that as I pretty much always get a lot of what I ate in the past 4-5 hours out with it, sometimes even lunch and breakfast. So total absorbed kcal will probably be lower if I *do* bp.
Please convince me otherwise.
Why am I dizzy all the time?
/u/fishonthesun
Created: Sat Oct 13 12:36:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nw2kj/why_am_i_dizzy_all_the_time/
---
Could mods flair this as help please? I'm on mobile
Recently, no matter how much Healthy foods I eat, I'm dizzy all the time. I have eaten around 1500 cals and had TDEE of around 2200 for the past week or so. I eat fruit or veg at every meal, some healthy fats, and a source of protein. I even started drinking Silk Soymilk for some calcium and protein after workouts. But I'm still dizzy all the time? Not headrush and blacking out, just feeling like I could fall over at any point.
Any ideas what the cause could be? Pls help
[Discussion] Thoughts on reaching my UGW
/u/theleftoveryou [5'5'' | 94.8 | 16.0 | GW 95??? | 24F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 12:35:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nw2ax/thoughts_on_reaching_my_ugw/
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Weighed in at 94.8 this morning. My UGW was 95.
Here are the thoughts that I had. Spoiler alert: they're not the ones I imagined I would have on this day.
1. Doesn't count. I didn't have much to eat yesterday and I'm a bit dehydrated. Won't count until I weigh 95 with maintenance levels of food in me.
2. Won't count until I weigh 95 in the evening.
3. Won't count until I weigh 95 with clothes on.
4. Hmm, 95 is exactly a 16.0 BMI at my height. That doesn't qualify as "severe" anorexia yet. I feel pretty severe. Better lose some more. Won't count until I weigh 92, which is a 15.5 BMI.
5. No one in my life has noticed. I thought I was pretty skinny, but I guess no one else thinks I'm skinny. Won't count until other people think I'm skinny.
6. This is so hard. My work has suffered, my health has suffered. What was even the point? Won't count until I *look* like I've suffered, too.
7. Doesn't count yet. Doesn't count yet. Here are 100 more reasons why it doesn't count yet.
8. If a girl weighs 95 pounds and no one sees, did she really starve herself?
I had a binge
/u/dumb-bitch69
Created: Sat Oct 13 12:32:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nw1lz/i_had_a_binge/
---
I was only one pound away from my goal
I hate myself
I’m gonna sleep the rest of the day and then restart
[Rant/Rave] I'm living for this cold
/u/whitechocolateonly [5'8.5 | CW: 127 & BMI: 18.75 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 12:11:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nvugo/im_living_for_this_cold/
---
1. The only time of year I'm fashionable because I can wear black all the time and hide my body behind sweaters
2. I don't know why but it is SO much easier for me to just straight up fast now that its cold. I have no desire to be in the kitchen or eat anything. It's amazing.
3. Depression? I still know her but at least its not summer where I just want to die nearly every day
4. I can finally indulge in my kink: being a skinny bitch who complains about how cold she is all the time
I love fall and winter!!
Looking to support people/fat shame whatever they need
/u/mvincent1312
Created: Sat Oct 13 10:53:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nv85h/looking_to_support_peoplefat_shame_whatever_they/
---
Hey everyone I am looking to help people hit there gw. I can be really nice and supportive if that’s what you need or a complete arse and fat shame you all day long if it helps send me a message if your interested.
Having to break a fast
/u/sil863 [5'4 | CW 125.2| HW 163 | F22]
Created: Sat Oct 13 10:50:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nv7f9/having_to_break_a_fast/
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Ughhhhh sorry but can I just vent for a sec? I had a 72 hour fast planned and was doing so well 40 hours in. Got down to the lowest weight I've been in years. But then ofc family decided to visit and I have to go out to lunch with everyone. They've already voiced concerns about me losing weight and I don't want to raise even more suspicion so I have to eat (and like really eat, not just nibble at a salad). Asdfghjkl why can't I just be normal? Please tell me I'm not the only one who gets pissed when their entire eating plan has been derailed.
[Help] Decided to weigh myself after having pho for dinner, racing to the gym.
/u/lilmisssuccubus [159cm | CW: 53.2kg |BMI: 21 | GW: 46.7kg | -27kg | 26F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 10:49:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nv736/decided_to_weigh_myself_after_having_pho_for/
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Went up 1.2 pounds despite being under my BMR. Hoping to sweat off the water weight and get a whoosh. Freaking out right now.
Is there anything else I can do to debloat?
[Rant/Rave] Wearing leggings under pants- a blessing and a curse.
/u/ghostlythin [61.25” | CW 98.4 | BMI 18.4]
Created: Sat Oct 13 10:24:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nuzwt/wearing_leggings_under_pants_a_blessing_and_a/
---
So this is exactly why I wish I had lost a bit more weight before autumn- it is COLD here in NY, and combine that with the coldness os restricting, and I am freeezing. So I wore leggings to work today, under my pants, and those make me feel a bit better- but it makes me look wider 🙃 this is at least motivation to restrict more, at least. Oops.
Collar bones starting to show
/u/KaitlynMK
Created: Sat Oct 13 09:47:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nupn9/collar_bones_starting_to_show/
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http://imgur.com/F6nHWL5
[Rant/Rave] I ate real food!!!!
/u/FeatherMahogany59
Created: Sat Oct 13 09:37:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9numu3/i_ate_real_food/
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For the first time in 2.5 weeks I ate normally! (Not just pickles, olives and artificial sugar!) I had an omelette with veggies and hash browns and a cup of hot tea with WHOLE MILK. I am so happy! Still pretty healthy, not super high calorie, and I didn’t even binge! Wooooooo! I know 2.5 weeks isn’t even that long, but y’all know how it goes... I was starting to get worried that I wouldn’t be able to get myself to eat again for a long time.
[Rant]I don't want to feel unworthy anymore
/u/ThePinkPandaHugger
Created: Sat Oct 13 09:27:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nukcy/ranti_dont_want_to_feel_unworthy_anymore/
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I hate feeling ugly and unworthy of love. I ended a brief relationship with a guy because I didn't feel like I was good enough due to my weight. Now I see him in our friend group and compare myself to every girl he talks to. I just want to reach my goal weight already and show that I'm good enough.
I'm restricting so hard and it DOESN'T FEEL FAST ENOUGH. I want to reach my goal weight already. I'm sick of seeing him everywhere and my anxiety getting the best of me. I can't stop being preoccupied with him, the girls around him, my weight, and when will I ever be skinny enough
[Help] Muscle weight question
/u/lilmdjd [5’3 | CW: 130 | BMI: 23 | LW: 94| - 17| 23F ]
Created: Sat Oct 13 09:04:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nue2o/muscle_weight_question/
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So the last time I was my current weight (130 😭) I remember being much bigger.... I didn’t have wrist bones or collar bones or slightly visible hip bones or ab definition. I have a little of all of that right now. When I weight restored I do feel like I gained the weight in a diff body shape? (More hourglass, I never had ANY ass before). I also started exercising much more regularly since then. I do HIIT sprints 3-4 times a week, and I go to power yoga 5 times a week. I definitely have more muscle tone but idk.... I don’t feel like t could be THAT much? How much muscle can a person gain? Could it be 5 lbs? IDK I just don’t believe it bc I’m worried my brain is trying to trick me into not losing any more weight.
[Help] Too self conscious to leave apartment, no fashion sense, How to dress for winter? (Please help)
/u/PineapplePrincezz [Height: 5'3" | CW 110 and fat AF| BMI: skyhigh |LW: 81.5| Femur]
Created: Sat Oct 13 09:00:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nucvk/too_self_conscious_to_leave_apartment_no_fashion/
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I am really nervous to post this because i think it sounds like a very simple question, but i really have no sense of how to dress my short n stumpy body for winter, like really, and it is becoming a much more serious problem because it just got really cold where i am and i legitimately cannot find the courage to go to classes or to see friends because i can’t find anything to wear that I feel comfortable enough in.
I tried the typical leggings and baggy sweater as per usual, but i wound up crying in public bathrooms two times this week after seeing my reflection, so ashamed both of my body and from being overwhelmed by the fact that i sincerely do not know what in the world i can wear to look like i remotely respect myself.
I got some really good advice from a few friends on doing my own makeup (I’m still learning, but it’s coming along!), now I’m just stuck with clothing...
It would be very liberating to have some advice on how i can dress for the winter, i want to leave home and not run into the bathroom and tear myself to shreds. I know that a lot of you have a really keen fashion sense and i would so appreciate some advice because right now idk how I’m going to get through the winter if i can’t even make it to class without panicking and missing class to cry in the bathroom.
(Note: I have saved up money for clothing because i obviously need to change this ASAP and I’ve literally not spent money on clothing in way too long and my clothes are getting really old and worn )
[Rant/Rave] Why the fuck can’t I lose weight?!?
/u/hopeless_anon [5'5 | CW: 109 LW: 85 | 17F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 09:00:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nucvi/why_the_fuck_cant_i_lose_weight/
---
I’ve been at. 109 for almost 2 weeks. I hate this so much. I’ve been doing high restriction at 1200 per day or else my family drives me insane. This is so incredibly frustrating i hate it.
Logically I know I can’t still be the same weight but wtf scale!???
Starting another fast today
/u/xlilgirlpoptartx [5'7 | CW: 200 | SW: 245 | GW:135 | F/37]
Created: Sat Oct 13 08:54:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nubld/starting_another_fast_today/
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Weighed in at 200.2 this morning, soooo close to under 200 that I decided I kind of want to fast til it says 199, maybe for longer, but longest fast has been 7 days but I haven’t done that in a while. I also really don’t feel hungry today which seems like a good sign that I can handle it. I’ve had a problem with my electrolytes getting dangerously low in the recent past, but I think if I keep taking all my supplements plus some broth for sodium and some kind if zero calorie Powerade I might be alright.
I just want to never see a 2 in front of the number when I get on the scale ever again.
All my clothes are falling off too but I’m really too poor to go buy anything that fits plus I’m still really far from any kind of goal so it’ll make me annoyed that I’ve spent money on things I won’t wear fir very long but I’m also pretty sure nobody wants to see my ass when my pants fall down lol. Ohh thrift stores,...we shall meet again soon lol
Ok, off to learn some new crochet pattern so I can get absorbed in that and not think about food today
Isn't fall semester fun?
/u/blesseday
Created: Sat Oct 13 08:37:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nu7am/isnt_fall_semester_fun/
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I think i have realized a pattern in my behavior and I seem to start purging again every fall semester. I don't know if its due to the stress of the school or not having enough time to work out, but I will stress eat to the point of being too full :(
Here's to hoping next week is better.
[Discussion] Anyone wonder what their life will be like when they’re smaller?
/u/Shewantstolive
Created: Sat Oct 13 08:33:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nu681/anyone_wonder_what_their_life_will_be_like_when/
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When I was much heavier (200 pounds 😞😑🤮) I always wondered what 140 pound me would be like . I met that goal this year and I realized that 140 pound me still feels like/ has the same mentality that I’m not good enough/ not human yet /still fat as fuck / still self conscience to the max . That being said I keep wondering what 110 pound me will be like , what 90 pound me will be like. Those are my next body goals and I absolutely intend to get there . I guess I’m hoping I’ll finally find peace of mind when I get to my ugw . Idk. I just want to be tiny. I hate this body that I’m in so much, it’s not good enough.
[Discussion] what time of day do you weigh yourself?
/u/Belldainty
Created: Sat Oct 13 08:29:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nu55o/what_time_of_day_do_you_weigh_yourself/
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So everyone always says to weigh yourself in the morning before you've eaten and after you've used the bathroom. Going off of that basis, I dont do this. I weigh myself at the end of the day because I feel like it's better to know what you're weight is when you do have food in your stomach so you know what you've actually lost. Does that make sense? I use it as motivation to eat less too since I'll only weigh more when I do weigh myself. Maybe you guys should try it out too. I dont know, let me know what you think.
What even is the point!
/u/b-carbonate [5’6" | CW: 132lbs | BMI: 21.6 | 🏳️🌈 | 19F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 08:21:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nu34d/what_even_is_the_point/
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It’s been three months I’ve relapsed and have been restricting from 0 to 900cal a day and then binge 4000cals the week end till my body hurts from it...
It’s so dumb, I end up not losing weight, I might as well eating at maintenance (like 1600 or 1700) and have the same result!
But nooooo I have to restrict till I feel cold and dead inside and then kill my belly in an hour and sometimes I can manage to purge a tiny bit but I can’t really coz I never puke, even when I’m sick!
Right now I’m just out of a 900cal Max a day for 4 days and then 3 days is just 3000cals in the end of a fasting day:...
Resulting in me feeling so bad and sluggish I hate it, I want to stop, I have to but I can’t do it anymore, I don’t know how long I can continue like this.... I’m not even bingeing as a form of self harm, I have blades for that, naaaaaah my body is just forgetting I’m not a fucking caveman and I DON’T HUNT DINOSAURS
AAAAAAAH
I don't want to walk 50k steps today
/u/usernameblahhhhh [5 ft | 14.3]
Created: Sat Oct 13 08:05:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ntzdf/i_dont_want_to_walk_50k_steps_today/
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I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm like some perverse, sick addict who can't live until she's gotten her fix for the day. I don't know why nothing else in my entire life matters in comparison to this. My days are controlled by this compulsion to walk, walk, walk, the gnawing anxiety and bizarre somatic symptoms I experience until the number is achieved. Suddenly, once I hit it, the anxiety built up during the entire day before dissipates, and I feel good enough to say it doesn't matter. Relaxed, calm... happy, even. Rinse and repeat the next day, this stupid, stupid loop.
A year ago I was hitting 40k a day. It was actually quite manageable and I'd like to get back to that, maybe... but I'm so convinced that if I change anything I'm going to turn into a balloon. I know I won't. Haven't weighed myself in almost six months and I know I've lost even more... my brain can't work properly anymore because it's so starved and entrenched in this routine that I seem to lack the mental capacity to even recognize that there are other things in life. Being able to evaluate my own mental degradation from this third-person perspective is so devastating because logically I know how stupid and irrational everything I do is. Yet having this perspective also makes it easy to conceal just how pathological my behavior is, and allows me to seem like a relatively normal person when in fact I've allowed my life to be reduced to arbitrary numbers, and can't understand why or how anything else could ever matter.
I'm so damn tired of this. But it "works," so I keep doing it. I've done half my steps today and I'm overwhelmed with dread and anxiety about the half that remains. I'll hit it, like I always do, but I can't shake the feeling until I get there.. I'm about to go out and do some more walking, even though I just... I don't know. I used to enjoy it more. I used to get something out of this. Now I'm just so, so tired, and sick of my own shit.
The botanical gardens are always so beautiful this time of year. Maybe it will calm my nerves a little. I'm so frustrated with myself for continuing this behavior even though I fully recognize how destructive it is. Well, some days are more frustrating than others, and I guess today is one of them.
[Discussion] Anyone feel dissatisfied with a binge?
/u/brokenchalkboard
Created: Sat Oct 13 07:22:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ntpla/anyone_feel_dissatisfied_with_a_binge/
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I used to be more binge/purge, multiple times a day. But now food is just losing its charm for me. I’m more restrict/purge now. Whenever I get the urge to binge, I’ll start but everything doesn’t taste as great in my head as I thought it was going to. I fantasized about Oreos and ice cream for 10 days straight before I gave in to it. And when I did, I was just soooo fucking let down. They tasted like dirty plastic, my teeth hurt from eating them, and it was a waste of money. Oh well. At least with restricting, I don’t need to spend so much on food and panic in the store aisles anymore?
[Rant/Rave] I hate myself
/u/MildMannerdPate
Created: Sat Oct 13 07:18:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ntolq/i_hate_myself/
---
Ate half a pizza last night, Sunkist, and four good shots of gin. I can feel myself getting fatter.
[Rant/Rave] I want to sabotage my little sister's body?
/u/LynCross [152.5cm | BMI: 25.1| CW: 128.75 lbs |UGW: 101lbs |F ]
Created: Sat Oct 13 06:34:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ntfjj/i_want_to_sabotage_my_little_sisters_body/
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I don't want to think like this..I really don't. If I didn't have weird eating habits I wouldn't be wondering if my sister has disordered eating too. She's young, 11. She had a good body, the toned and slim kind because she took gymnastics a few years ago instead of doing the same thing I did when I was her age (Eat, sleep, and repeat).
But damn, I don't know if I'm genuinely worried or angry. She uses my shirts and it turns into oversized ones on her even if they're not on me. Her legs are great.
I feel bad for wanting her to gain weight because I can't stand seeing her. Urg. I really just can't see someone reminding me every single fuckin day I'm not in the body I want to have .
Sabotaging my little sister's body?
/u/LynCross [152.5cm | BMI: 25.1| CW: 128.75 lbs |UGW: 101lbs |F ]
Created: Sat Oct 13 06:18:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ntce7/sabotaging_my_little_sisters_body/
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I don't want to think like this..I really don't. If I didn't have fucked uo thoughts wondering if my sister has disordered eating too. She's young, 11. She's super thin too because she took gymnastics a few years ago instead of doing the same thing I did when I was her age (Eat, sleep, and repeat).
But damn, I don't know if I'm genuinely worried or angry. She uses my shirts and it turns into oversized ones on her even if they're not on me. Her legs are great and she has nice clothes too.
I feel bad for wanting her to gain weight because I can't stand seeing her. Urg. I really just can't see someone reminding me every single fuckin day I'm not in the body I want to have .
[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! October 13, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Oct 13 06:13:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ntbd6/stupid_questions_saturday_october_13_2018/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for October 13, 2018.
Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.
Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**
*****
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! October 13, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Oct 13 06:09:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ntap8/daily_food_diary_october_13_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for October 13, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Other] Can pear shapes achieve a thigh gap?
/u/ArkhamBrothers [5’1 👻 CW:118 👻 GW:90 👻 F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 04:56:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nsxng/can_pear_shapes_achieve_a_thigh_gap/
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Serious question. Being short and having genetically big hips, is a thigh gap even a possibility??
[Rant/Rave] Ugh, my mom
/u/anxiety-and-theatre
Created: Sat Oct 13 04:56:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nsxm1/ugh_my_mom/
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I have anxiety, she thinks it’s because I have physical issues that have symptoms that resembles anxiety. I don’t think that’s the case. Anyway, she was talking a about how I actually don’t have anxiety.
Mom: anxiety is a mental health issue, you’re not mentally ill
Me: but what if I am
Mom: if you are then we would deal with that.
Well apparently FUCKING NOT
Good news. I had a doctors appointment and got on medicine. One’s a medicine for my “symptoms of anxiety” and the other one is for
ADHD. The one for ADHD is also used as an anti depressant, Idk if I have depression (obviously never allowed to go to a doctor for mental health) but if I do, this might help.
Pro tips pleaseee!
/u/frozensun202
Created: Sat Oct 13 03:57:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nso41/pro_tips_pleaseee/
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Comment below your best tips on how you be successful with your ed...!
Can't get amphetamines for a few months due to insurance and I'm always always hungry 😭
/u/Zoombinis [24 F | 5'8" (172 cm) | CW: 122 lbs (55.33 kg) | GW: Flat belly]
Created: Sat Oct 13 02:37:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nsc2a/cant_get_amphetamines_for_a_few_months_due_to/
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I'm prescribed Adderall/Vyvanse for narcolepsy but while I'm in between jobs it's not covered (and too expensive to afford without a job) and my new job doesn't start until January. :( I finally reached my goal weight a month ago (110 lbs) and I've gotten up to 116 lbs in the past couple weeks. It feels like no matter what I do or eat, I'm never full and I always want to just fucking eat. I used to be able to restrict but I can't anymore, I feel like a total failure. I see my belly poke through a t shirt and all I can think about is getting a knife and cutting it off
My mom is a big reason for my ED but I can't even blame her
/u/cortizonegnome [5'3" | bingetastic CW: 107 | GW 97 | UGW 88 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 02:24:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nsa5p/my_mom_is_a_big_reason_for_my_ed_but_i_cant_even/
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because I'm pretty sure she has one too.
It's 5 am and I've just been thinking. She never ate with us. Never sat down at the dinner table. Always was shaking or pacing. If she did eat it was quick and she wouldn't sit. That's why I don't sit down to eat. I used to stand up next to her to copy her. When I was 8 I thought it was normal. When I was 14 I thought it was because she was having an affair and divorcing my dad so she just didn't want to be at the table with us. Now I think it's bc she didn't want to gain weight.
She started poking at my stomach when I was maybe 7 years old. Agreed that I was fat and that I could go on her cabbage soup only diet when I was maybe 9. She'd constantly tell me that I was too fat. After puberty I gained weight and when she heard from the doctor that I was 97 lbs she made him repeat it another two times and then didn't say anything to me the rest of the day. She constantly talks about how she's fat. She takes laxatives like no other. To the point they don't work on her anymore. Every time I see her she tells me she doesn't eat all day. I say she isn't fat (which she's not she's taller than I am and the last time she was more than 120 was when she was pregnant) but she says she is and she doesn't eat until I come home and then only eats her meal when I eat with her. Which is great. lo v e having to eat six meals a day to accommodate both my parents. I told her once that I felt fat and that I ate too much and she said "just go throw it up". I said I didn't know how and/or I couldn't. She opened a new toothbrush and told me what's the big deal just wiggle it in your throat how can you not throw up. I tried for half an hour and couldn't do it and told her and she just rolled her eyes at me. Her relatives all told me how they called her little fatty when she was younger and how she stopped eating and would throw up after meals. They laughed because EDs don't really exist in my culture. So I can't blame her. Even if she's a big reason for the way that I am. She didn't stand a chance and she truly doesn't see the abnormal in what she does. She's just trying to help me. And so I'm not going to eat for the next month to make her happy when she sees me next. I'm going to lose this binge weight I gained. Then she'll be proud of me
[Rant/Rave] Just a silly disordered thought about instagrammers
/u/lovelysilliness
Created: Sat Oct 13 01:38:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ns2ve/just_a_silly_disordered_thought_about/
---
I follow a lot of aesthetic instagrammers, and they’re all posting so much about hot chocolate now that it’s fall. And literally every time I see it all I can think is how many calories it has and how anyone could drink that much hot chocolate when coffee is just as delicious and lower cal. And they’re all so skinny! It just blows my mind a little. I could never drink that much hot chocolate. I haven’t had it in years. Just wanted to share with like minded people😅
Am i dying? Please help
/u/carrotking247
Created: Sat Oct 13 01:35:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ns2aq/am_i_dying_please_help/
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I was at a party last night, and there was a lot of delicious food around. My diagnosis is anorexia, and ive recently been hit with a pretty bad relapse. And when i am drunk, for some hell-sent reason, i eat. So i fucking ate, but bc im relapsing, i could not keep it in. Ive purged multiple times in my life, but it was never my weapon of choice - i have NEVER purged as much as i did last night. I chewed and spat a lot of stuff into a cup, and puked up like liteRallY a litre or 2 of pizza in the backyard. Literally the whole night i was either standing by the food table eating(the owners had too much food and wanted to get rid of it so its ok), or bent over by her fucking bunny hutch hurling in the dark.
I got home ok, i had purged all of the alcohol so i was not longer drunk, and helped my friends in. My friends were crashing at mine, which meant i was giving them the big bed, and my girlfriend and i had to sleep on a tiny SINGLE bed together. I was feeling ok, but knew i had literally nothing in my stomach, and the thought of my stomach acids and the alcohol bubbling around worried me, so i ate a banana some carrot and a few grapes and sips of milk to settle my stomach. I went to sleep feeling drained, but fine.
In the morning was a different story. I woke up in one of the top 5 most physical pains of my life. EVERYTHING ACHES so so much, my mouth hurts so much i cant even describe, my throat feels like its bleeding, and my head is pounding. This is probably just normal after-party feelings, but is more extreme than i've ever felt. The worst part, and reason im writing this, is my chest/heart/gut. Keep in mind im transgender female to male so i was also wearing a chest compression vest all night. My chest is in so much pain, its sharp pain as well as intense aching as well as like a dryness as if my body is cut open and my heart is exposed to the dry air, and my heart is pounding too. My gut is in the most SHARP pain ever, almost like a stitch or a cramp(not menstrual, i'm a guy) and i literally couldnt stand up. Its been going since 3am when i noticed it and was groaning and writhing around in bed, to now at 8am when ive managed to get myself up to take some paracetamol and stop bothering my girlfriend.
Rn im eating some oats and berries and milk which i neveR do, i just so desperately want this to stop.
So sorry this is long but PLEASE can someone tell me, if this just a normal purging feeling and i dont know abt it, if this is just an extreme hangover(not sure how as i went to sleep pretty sober) or if im fucking dying. And if so, what do i do abt it. Thank you
Can't tell if I ripped a hole in my esophagus or id purging hot sauce is really *that* bad
/u/angerypeech
Created: Sat Oct 13 00:32:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nrr9r/cant_tell_if_i_ripped_a_hole_in_my_esophagus_or/
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title says it all
kinda got a laugh out of typing it haha please send help
[Tip] Exercise Inspo/Binge Discouragement
/u/Heartfr0st [5'2" | 107 lb | BMI 19.6 | -20 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 13 00:10:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nrn8t/exercise_inspobinge_discouragement/
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So, I was asked to share these documents, cuz it's worked out pretty okay for me so far. Essentially, I was opening the fridge all the time and just staring at the food, and I thought, what a better way to stop that (while working for a better butt) than to exercise punish myself! So, here ya go! I included a blank one as well, if you have different exercises you want to do.
\[Butt Plan\]([https://i.imgur.com/KthcA6b.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/KthcA6b.jpg))
\[Blank Plan\]([https://i.imgur.com/qOPGIRS.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/qOPGIRS.jpg))
I just discovered these mini monsters?? P.S retook this pic 10 times bc my hand looked fat af 🙃
/u/KakujaKitty
Created: Sat Oct 13 00:07:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nrmr8/i_just_discovered_these_mini_monsters_ps_retook/
---
https://i.redd.it/ag1ekip99wr11.jpg
[Discussion] how harmful is losing your period?
/u/planetskinny
Created: Sat Oct 13 00:07:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nrmql/how_harmful_is_losing_your_period/
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tmi warning! also i use male pronouns!
i think, for the first time ever, i’ve lost my period. and i’ve had really bad eating habits for 3 and 1/2 years.
i don’t know whether to be happy or fucking terrified. does this mean my body is finally catching up with my horrific eating habits?
from my disordered eating and gender dysphoria (two!!! different things!!! I THINK?!), i feel so happy. not only am i possibly sicker, but i don’t have to worry about periods! mine used to be REALLY heavy btw. it sucked ass when it came to dysphoria.
but back to the main point! is this bad? can i die because of NOT getting my period?
also, i eat 1100 cals or less per day. i’ve literally upped my intake by 100, but i’m changing it back after i go back home. ughhhh.
sorry for the mini-rant! thanks for taking the time to read all of this! (:
[Help] Effects of purging daily. Plz help
/u/ifhy8866
Created: Fri Oct 12 23:48:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nrjdj/effects_of_purging_daily_plz_help/
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For a long time I’ve gone through periods of purging on and off, and because it was never regular or consistent over the years I’ve never been worried about the side effects.
The last two or three days I’ve purged my dinner, and I’m desperate to do it again tonight but I’m paranoid I’ll do some damage. (Obviously purging is damaging over time but I’m concerned about immediate damage from doing it several days in a row) I think I saw a little blood in my saliva two days ago after purging, dunno if this means anything. I’ve had no major pain or obvious bleeding. Also any tips for preventing tooth damage will be appreciated.
TLDR is purging 4 days in a row terribly bad for you? What are the chances of a tear or something?
[Other] So I went to an ED specialist the other day
/u/takethisedandshoveit
Created: Fri Oct 12 23:20:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nre1s/so_i_went_to_an_ed_specialist_the_other_day/
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She told me I didn't have an ED and that my binge-purging behavior was all a part of my BPD. I feel kind of relieved but also off? Like, now I'm suddenly normal even though I haven't stopped hating myself over my body? I'm just confused I guess. I feel like an ungrateful bitch for this. I want to quit therapy and medications and just live wildly until I try to kill myself again. Idk. Just wanted to share this with someone who would give a fuck.
What the fuck Mom
/u/genredditusername
Created: Fri Oct 12 23:05:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nrb27/what_the_fuck_mom/
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My brother just came home and informed us of his new warehouse job. He was telling me I should apply as well since it’s pretty high pay. We talk some more and we leave the kitchen where my mom is to walk down the stairs. I was saying that a warehouse job might be difficult for me and I said “I don’t know, I’ll look into it but depending on the work required they might not hire me because I’m not a 6ft, 200+pound dude. (Meaning I probably can’t lift all that shit, I’m a 160 pound girl)
Next thing I know my mom yells to us “You know, your both lose weight working there!”
What the fuck. Ouch.
Maybe it’s the kick in the ass I needed though. I lost 50 pounds in a couple months a few years ago with Ritalin and only eating 1 or 2 small meals every 2 days. Definitely time to open that can of worms again then.
[Discussion] anyone else have 'weird' goals?
/u/itsyaboifranzi [5'0" | whale | -14 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 23:04:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nrav8/anyone_else_have_weird_goals/
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mine are wanting sharp elbows & really noticeable knees lol
[Rant/Rave] DAE panic when they come home to food they didn’t expect?
/u/Cieran7
Created: Fri Oct 12 23:03:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nralg/dae_panic_when_they_come_home_to_food_they_didnt/
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Panicking because I stuck to my intake goal today. I’ve been restricting quite heavily and I came home to pizza that was ordered whilst I was gone (I’m sure this was “left out” on purpose) and I am unreasonably angry about this. I just immediately put it in the fridge but now I know it’s there. Normally I just avoid the fridge, because if I don’t know what’s in there I won’t want it. But now I know. Ugh
Found this on r/fasting
/u/dividendggggccffg
Created: Fri Oct 12 22:46:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nr7fr/found_this_on_rfasting/
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https://i.redd.it/nixnpkvtuvr11.jpg
Ate at maintenance!
/u/bobbyb0ttleservice [another disordered lesbian]
Created: Fri Oct 12 22:44:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nr753/ate_at_maintenance/
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This is my first post in this sub but I'm excited that I finally ate at maintenance after an entire month of binging! I still hate myself but I'm a little bit proud that I'm finally heading towards getting back on track :)
The bloating kills me.
/u/ital21978566556432f
Created: Fri Oct 12 22:42:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nr6pi/the_bloating_kills_me/
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Does anyone else get severely bloated after eating anything? Like I have been restricting my diet to liquids and calorie dense foods (nuts) as much as possible cause I can't stand the bloating. It literally perpetuates my cycle of binging and purging. Even worse is I'm not sure if I can actually poop normally after all my purging, I always have to resort to laxatives which scares me cause I don't want to be dependent on them. Has anyone overcome this, can you share tips? I have no idea how I can recover if I literally remain bloated for days after a single meal.
[Discussion] the most terrifying moment in an ana’s life
/u/milk-and-honie [5'6" | 168 | 28.2 | 35 lbs down | female]
Created: Fri Oct 12 22:15:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nr1b6/the_most_terrifying_moment_in_an_anas_life/
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https://i.redd.it/v0jtrqsbpvr11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] Living with people who enable my binging sucks
/u/katya_del_rey
Created: Fri Oct 12 22:13:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nr0sm/living_with_people_who_enable_my_binging_sucks/
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My mom means well, but she always fucking buys the most tempting shit that’ll set off a binge. I’ve told her before to stop buying the shit since it’s detrimental to me getting better, but she still does it. It’s not out of malice, she just doesn’t know any better, but it still fucking irritates me. I’ve even gone as far as to tell her to purposefully hide and lock food away from me, but it’s no use.
Now on this Friday night, I’m spending my time alone, binging nonstop before I probably purge it all up because I have no fucking friends and I’m an insufferable human being.
Hope everyone else is having a good night at least ❤️
[Help] Family Dinner Anxiety
/u/button_eyed_coraline [5'4" | 157 | 26.9 | -83 | Female]
Created: Fri Oct 12 22:10:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nr04x/family_dinner_anxiety/
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My uncle’s mother died a couple weeks ago. My family is having a memorial service tomorrow. My aunt (who I have mentioned here before, is morbidly obese and completely oblivious as to why) has arranged a family dinner to be held at the Old Spaghetti Factory following the memorial. She always lobbies for Italian food for family dinners because it can be carb-heavy with giant portions.
I just took a look at the menu ([I linked it here](https://www.osf.com/dinner-menu/)) And, um, what the actual fuck. They have 3 salads, none of which are under 800 calories. They have an “extra pasta” option for $4, just in case eating more than my entire TDEE in one sitting isn’t enough. Each meal comes with AN ENTIRE LOAF OF BREAD, soup or salad, and ice cream for dessert. THE SIDE OF BROCCOLI COMES SMOTHERED IN BUTTER AND CHEESE.
My aunt and cousin can’t not comment on how I eat, it’s a big reason why I don’t generally eat around them anymore. But because of the death in the family, I kind of have no choice. I don’t even know what I could order, not even addressing how my aunt will make a huge deal about it.
Halp.
Any suggestions for what to eat or even just how to navigate unwelcome commentary on my diet would be greatly appreciated.
Trying to do arts and crafts instead of binging this Friday night !
/u/llllllllambtalk [5'8" | cw114 | gw108 | -16 | f]
Created: Fri Oct 12 22:00:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nqy1u/trying_to_do_arts_and_crafts_instead_of_binging/
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https://imgur.com/a/aSntngQ
[Rant/Rave] Water fast from Sunday to Sunday!
/u/mmblarg
Created: Fri Oct 12 21:42:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nqujz/water_fast_from_sunday_to_sunday/
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The hubby will be away for a week! Where some wives would party while others would create a relaxation paradise, I instead plan my uninterrupted self torture sessions of fasting till a part of me dies and leaves some nugget of satisfaction in its place. So excited 😆
[Help] I’m failing
/u/dreamedotcom
Created: Fri Oct 12 21:37:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nqti6/im_failing/
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I feel like I’m drowning, I can feel the fat growing on my body and I can’t stop. Today is day 4 of binging in a row. I’ve been too ashamed to count cals but it’s gotta be 5000 plus days.
I hate myself so much. I’m depressed. Why can’t I stop 😭😭😭😭 you guys are the only ones who understand.
Tomorrow I’m going to get up go to the gym and try to eat at maintenance. Please pray for me.
[Rant/Rave] Bingeing is so scray idk how yall survive this
/u/whydiepizzapie
Created: Fri Oct 12 21:36:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nqt77/bingeing_is_so_scray_idk_how_yall_survive_this/
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Just had what I think I can call my first real binge. Felt completely out of control, shoveled so much weird food in my mouth (though fiber one brownies and Halo top is winning combo, 10/10 will eat again) I don't feel great but it was bound to happen eventually with how long I've been low restricting. Just pray to the whoosh gods that this breaks me free of my plateau. Huge shout out to those of you who deal with this a lot. The whole experience is so stressful I'm not sure I could handle this if it happened all the time.
Discovery: dump a spoonful of Swerve confectioner's "sugar" on Puffs and it tastes just like sugary cereal, all crunchy and powdery 😍
/u/thrownawaykalbi [5'7"|CW 88.4|BMI 13.7|SW 108lbs|21F|🍑yuzukalbi🍑]
Created: Fri Oct 12 21:29:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nqru0/discovery_dump_a_spoonful_of_swerve_confectioners/
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Tried this with strawberry apple puffs yesterday because I wished they were sweeter and I'm never eating them any other way <3 ate them in a tiny bowl with a little spoon and scooped up some of the powder with each bite and it was sooo good.
Any powdered artificial sweetener will do! As long as it's fine enough to coat the puffs.
Maybe l could even put some cinnamon on there and shake it all up for bootleg Cinnamon Toast Crunch 😁
(Posted this on Peach earlier and thought I'd share it with the sub as well!)
Happy snacking!
[Rant/Rave] My boyfriend brought home food.
/u/hollasaur
Created: Fri Oct 12 21:27:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nqrci/my_boyfriend_brought_home_food/
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My boyfriend has dinner with his friends every Friday night so it’s the perf excuse for me to either fast or OMAD ( we live together/he’ll occasionally call me out for under eating). I had done really well all day, even baking pumpkin bread without eating any, and he brings home a bison burger at 9:30 pm. If I don’t eat it he’d get suspicious and likely be hurt. But god damn it I didn’t want to have solids today!
[Help] My family is gonna make me eat
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 |CW 117 | GW 115 | GW 105-110 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 21:08:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nqn7u/my_family_is_gonna_make_me_eat/
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Tomorrow we’re going to breakfast and then a cook out and that’s gonna have cake. I just reached my first goal weight and I don’t wanna fuck it up. I’m pressed. I don’t know what to do. I can’t find the menu to the restaurant online. I think I’ll just have a Hot Dog with no bun for the cook out and a sliver of cake. I wanted to stay under 1000 calories but looks like that’s not gonna happen. Gee I’m looking forward to being fat again.
[Rant/Rave] Managed to avoid eating at a meal out!
/u/ameliasophia [5'3 | 106 | 18.7 | gw: 90 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 20:54:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nqk83/managed_to_avoid_eating_at_a_meal_out/
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I'm supposed to be fasting at the moment so I was really worried that I was meant to be going for a meal out with my uncles and some of their friends tonight. About half an hour before we left to go to the restaurant I complained of stomach upset from the 'lunch' I ate (I didn't eat lunch that was a lie). Then when we got to the restaurant I said that there was nothing there I liked and that my stomach was still a bit funny so I'd be happy with literally just some tomatoes no dressing. So they ordered me a 'tomato salad' that was only tomatoes sliced on a plate.
​
During the meal I cut them all up into smaller pieces and piled half of them up on one side of the plate so it looked like I'd eaten half the tomatoes when actually I hid the other half in my napkin when nobody was looking. Managed to eat nothing and still look like I was eating. I feel so relieved!
[Discussion] Pasta makes me freak out
/u/nanithefuckshouldido
Created: Fri Oct 12 20:50:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nqjfc/pasta_makes_me_freak_out/
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My mom got a gift card to an Italian restaurant that only does huge portions (family style 🙄) so ofc they dragged me and my parents ONLY ordered pasta. WHICH IS MY NUMBER ONE TRIGGER FOOD. CHEESE, BUTTER, AND CARBS?!?! OH MY GOD DO YOU WANT ME TO GET FAT AGAIN.
I have been actively avoiding rice, pasta, grains, etc. for weeks and today I was TRAPPED. I felt anxious the whole time, I felt dizzy, and I wanted to throw up. I want to purge rn but I’m home this weekend and I can’t have them know.
How do y’all deal with your trigger foods?
What are the best excercise apps?
/u/finnkat [5'3 | 90lbs | 16.4 | 19f]
Created: Fri Oct 12 20:37:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nqgrd/what_are_the_best_excercise_apps/
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I wrote this poem in English today, and edited it when I got home. It’s kinda how I feel sometimes. I’m not at my gw, but I’m at someone else’s gw
/u/not-creative-enough-
Created: Fri Oct 12 20:29:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nqezb/i_wrote_this_poem_in_english_today_and_edited_it/
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https://i.redd.it/3rb05m8a6vr11.jpg
[Discussion] Best way to break a 60 hour fast?
/u/AtypANA [5'9 | CW 205.0 | HW 220 | LW 120 | GQ 🏳️🌈]
Created: Fri Oct 12 20:18:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nqcp4/best_way_to_break_a_60_hour_fast/
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I wasn't planning my fast to last this long but I just couldn't stop but now I know I need to stop once I realized I haven't eaten in 60 hours. I'm going to sleep soon but when I wake up I will need to break it. Any advice? What do I need to eat or what shouldn't I eat? I've had a lot of water, a couple Powerade zeros, and an energy drink in the last couple days.
Is anyone else here a "chubby chaser" while also having an ed?
/u/certainly_cerulean
Created: Fri Oct 12 20:13:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nqbht/is_anyone_else_here_a_chubby_chaser_while_also/
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So, I'm anorexic, and I have been for about 12 years. I am *terrified* by the idea of gaining weight myself, but I love being in a relationship with someone bigger. I guess my ed really is just mine? I don't mind chubby/fat people at all.
My life partner is 25-30 pounds overweight, and I honestly love it. He's such a teddy bear, and he's always warm. I think he's the most adorable person on earth, and his weight doesn't bother me at all. I prefer it, actually. He's the cuddliest man I've ever known.
He just lets me be with my weird food habits, and I let him do his thing. It can be weird since we have a house together and there's no hiding anything from each other, so it's all out in the open. He knows all my habits. But he's always supportive and understanding.
Is anyone else the same way? Being terrified of getting fat and working constantly to stay thin, while preferring a partner who is the opposite? Every person I've dated has been bigger, and I just love feeling so small next to them.
[Other] 5.6 pounds, two days
/u/Belldainty
Created: Fri Oct 12 20:10:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nqaqf/56_pounds_two_days/
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I could scream right now! I'm so happy! I haven't been this happy in a while. I've tried and tried and tried to restructure but I've never been successful. Then a few days ago it's like a switch flipped and now I fasted for a whole 24 (my first time fasting) and over 2 days I have lost 5.6 pounds. I'll be below 200 pounds if I keep this up for less than a week even. This is amazing! I'm beaming!
[Rant/Rave] Had to breakup with my boyfriend cause he's too triggering.
/u/lostandlonley333 [5"2 | CW:108 | 19.9 | -30.6| F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 19:58:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nq80g/had_to_breakup_with_my_boyfriend_cause_hes_too/
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Well it finally happened. I've known for months now that he negatively effects my mental health but I guess I used it as motivation to lose more weight, but this illness is so tiring and I don't want to feel this way anymore.
He's over a foot taller than me but barely weighs more than I do, In fact his BMI indicates he's actually underweight so you can assume how triggering that was for me.
The other night he half admitted to having an eating disorder himself which is when I knew I couldn't be with him anymore, we would just send each other further into a negative head space.
Anyway, just wanted to rant, not even sure how I feel right now.
[Help] I really want to eat pancakes tomorrow morning?!??
/u/ihate-chicken [5’7” | CW:114 | 17.8 |]
Created: Fri Oct 12 19:55:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nq7bh/i_really_want_to_eat_pancakes_tomorrow_morning/
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I’m going out to bfast with a friend tomorrow and I want her to be proud of me since she knows about my struggles
I’m feeling motivated to try and eat “normally” and I really want to order pancakes... is it worth it? I know I’ll feel like shit about myself after but I want to give it a try
[Discussion] What would you say is the difference?
/u/AnnaGreen3
Created: Fri Oct 12 19:50:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nq6c5/what_would_you_say_is_the_difference/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/fasting/comments/9nm9hh/fasting_vs_anorexia/
[Help] Can someone give me some encouragement to make myself eat at maintenance tomorrow lol
/u/thyme1999
Created: Fri Oct 12 19:24:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nq0dt/can_someone_give_me_some_encouragement_to_make/
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I’ve gone a whole 10 days eating below 600 per day so I wanted to reward myself tomorrow by eating 1200 (still way below maintenance!!) but Now my completely not logical ED brain is scared that all my progress will just be eliminated ... one day of a spike in cals wont hurt right ???
I guess I can't lose weight healthfully/normally?
/u/scatterperm
Created: Fri Oct 12 19:22:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9npzxj/i_guess_i_cant_lose_weight_healthfullynormally/
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For the last 3 or so weeks I've been eating around 1200, Some days a bit higher some a bit lower like normal and I've basically maintained? wtf I lose 1.5 pounds on 900-1000 calories so 1200 should be like a pound a week right? Why is my body broken and only loses below 1200? And yes i'm weighing and measuring everything before you ask.
If I'm going to be hungry and sad might as well get it over with and actually lose weight. I'm a regular on 12isp so sorry for the throw-away, I've had a past of ED and I'm trying not to fall into it but I'm frustrated it doesn't seem to be working the "right" way
[Help] Drunk me just inhaled a sandwich and a dozen mini chocolates.
/u/berumotto
Created: Fri Oct 12 18:58:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9npukb/drunk_me_just_inhaled_a_sandwich_and_a_dozen_mini/
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Had a stressful day today. I already ate half a chocolate bar and four rice cakes with peanut butter in the afternoon. Went out for drinks with friends tonight, decided fuck it and came home drunk. Made a sandwich and am currently finishing off a bag of chocolate.
I’m still drunk and I know I’ll feel so shitty tomorrow because I’m going to the beach (I’m sure my bloat will look GREAT in a bikini)! Gotta make sure this doesn’t become a habit. Any tips?
[Help] Idk how to cope
/u/uiume [5'5"| 120.5 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 18:45:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9npr9i/idk_how_to_cope/
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Without restricting and fasting or binging and purging or drinking alcohol or smoking weed or going 24 hours without sleeping and being manic.
I feel like I'm going crazy because I have no way to numb my emotions and I'm just processing life 100% depressed and stressed and frustrated and apathetic I don't know how to keep doing this and I can't and don't want to get help I just don't want to be cognizant anymore let me exist as a dull shell of a person I'm fine with it it'll be appropriate considering how pathetic and empty my life itself is already. I don't know what to do.
How to avoid getting sick around kids while restricting?
/u/wrinkle-crease
Created: Fri Oct 12 18:34:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9npow1/how_to_avoid_getting_sick_around_kids_while/
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Hey y'all I need some advice badly.
I've finally been restricting again thanks to my good friends Bronkaid, black coffee, and electrolyte water. But I babysit Monday-Friday for a 9-year-old, and maybe once a week for a 5-year-old. Both of them are ALWAYS coughing/sneezing/both. I try to be super sanitary but I'm afraid of getting sick while my body is low on nutrients and I'm not sleeping well.
Any tips for not getting sick while restricting?
Embarrassed myself infringe of my friends at dinner the other night
/u/OkWorking7
Created: Fri Oct 12 18:24:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9npmei/embarrassed_myself_infringe_of_my_friends_at/
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I’m an idiot. The other afternoon my friends and I were at the pub for drinks and when it started to get dark we all decided to go get dinner and then stay out drinking afterwards. Well nearly everyone but me ordered food, I just had more alcohol because less calories, didn’t want my stomach to stick out etc. A few of them asked my why I wasn’t eating and because I was drunk I stupidly launched into some BS thing about intermittent fasting and OMAD because I was embarrassed and just wanted to get them off my back. It probably made them all way more suspicious even though I joked about “alcohol doesn’t count” (obviously it does but I wanted them to think I actually thought it didn’t). I keep thinking back to it and totally cringing at myself ugh. Anyway I guess I’m posting here because I can’t exactly tell anyone else and I need to get it out of my head.
[Rant/Rave] After feeling on top of the world for a month im back again in a b/p cycle...
/u/mina1200
Created: Fri Oct 12 17:55:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9npfec/after_feeling_on_top_of_the_world_for_a_month_im/
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I was doing so well, felt so invincible and never felt so good about myself. Of course eventually you start getting more and more anxious around food, then a bunch of other stuff (mostly emotional) triggers the cycle. I’ve literally eaten all of my flatmate’s food and I don’t know how to tell her I’m sorry without having to explain I may have a slight problem with my eating 😂.
Part of my anxiety this time around also had to do with the fact that I had been restricting quite a lot and I hadn’t pooped in well over a week (even with taking lots and lots of laxatives). When I consulted my gp about it today he told me I just had to ‘eat more fibre’. Well shit now I guess...
I feel DISGUSTING. I know I’ve only b/p’ed for 2 days but I feel like I’ve ruined all possible progress I had made. You never really know this specific type of self hatred until you’re in the fucking pit again. I just want to feel empty again:-( it’s so exhausting having to pick yourself back up and crawl out of this fucking hole...
[Discussion] Apple cider vinegar thoughts
/u/gothicapples
Created: Fri Oct 12 17:40:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9npbsz/apple_cider_vinegar_thoughts/
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I hear all of these things about it raising metabolism but is it true?
[Rant/Rave] Thought I was recovering...
/u/catalystrose [5'2 | 111 | BMI 21ish | GW 100 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 17:27:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9np8aq/thought_i_was_recovering/
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LOL NOPE. ED brain is not so easy to get rid of.
I was eating 1200 to 1300 calories daily for the past 2 weeks or so, which is barely a deficit for me with my messed up metabolism and barely moving for most of the day. Then I binged two days ago, and purged it. Told myself that it's alright, doesn't mean I'm not getting better.
Then I had a mega 5000 calorie binge yesterday, again. Purged probably half of it before my throat gave out. It hurts so fucking bad right now. Decided to fast for the weekend, but I'm getting the urge to binge again. I think I've officially transitioned from low restriction to high restriction to the binge and purge cycle. When is this shit gonna stop?? Every time I want to get better, I get worse.
You guys got any tips to nip a beginning of a binge purge cycle in the bud? I literally cannot even deal with myself right now, so dissapointed and frustrated. Like WHY?????
Please send help.
the perks of having a pet
/u/bunnywithbpd [5"2 || 104]
Created: Fri Oct 12 17:24:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9np7pj/the_perks_of_having_a_pet/
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is that they sit on your lap and they're so comfy that you don't want to move and go downstairs into the kitchen and eat.
[Discussion] Have you ever had people worry over you?
/u/Marca19 [5"0.5 | 105lbs | BMI 20.1| FTM]
Created: Fri Oct 12 17:07:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9np38d/have_you_ever_had_people_worry_over_you/
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And if so, what did it take for that to happen? Honestly, I got so fed up of people in my family trying to be so subtle about asking what/when I was eating. I felt policed, but it was never in a way that was actually going to help anyone. It was more of a constant checking in but never actually acknowledging that anything was unusual about my eating habits. Or doing anything to try and help.
How did they first notice? What did they say? And how did you feel about it?
[Other] sad ramblings
/u/acrsita [Height 5'7| CW 47kg | BMI 16.5| Weight Lost ??| Gender ??]
Created: Fri Oct 12 16:58:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9np110/sad_ramblings/
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this phrase kept repeating in my head today.
“i love my bones more than i ever loved you”.
it applies to my ex boyfriend, it applies to my family. it applies to everyone, and everything i’ve ever lost.
see, i fucking hate this disorder but at the same time, it means the world to me. it is destroying me from the inside, it’s taking away my future but there’s nothing i’ve ever wanted more. how can i love something so much when it does such a thing? it is so counterintuitive, and i’m aware of that. but god, i’m so ready to be nothing at all.
i love my ribs, i love how you can see my sternum. i love my bony shoulders. i LOVE my collarbones. i love my hipbones. i love my spine and how it sticks out of my back. but i wish i didn’t, for fuck’s sake. i am completely and utterly obsessed. there is little else i think about. i’d give anything to be free from this, to forget about it like i forget about everything else.
it’s making me so ill and i know one day i’ll look back and feel as if half of my life was traded up for a horrible obsession that left me weaker and sicker and fragile, but for some reason that doesn’t motivate me to stop. not being able to walk properly again isn’t motivating me to stop.
my heart getting worse isn’t motivating me to stop. the threat of inpatient isn’t motivating me to stop. NOTHING CAN AND NOTHING WILL.
i hope it kills me in my sleep.
[Rant/Rave] My mother bought me fries
/u/myx24 [176cm | CW:200 | -20 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 16:49:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9noyk5/my_mother_bought_me_fries/
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Of course I ate them all and am now regretting my decision. I tried purging it while my mom slept but my body didn’t seem to want to let it go. Now I feel sick and guilty 🙃 excessive exercise? Yes please.
[Tip] PSA: thinspo community
/u/smallest_madeline [F 5'1" | CW 96.8 | HW 125 | LW 80| GW 70 🍑 smallest_madeline]
Created: Fri Oct 12 16:33:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nouav/psa_thinspo_community/
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If you like r/thinspo it is going to be a private subreddit starting in November! This is not a test! I figured I’d post here since I’m sure we account for a lot of the traffic over there
[Rant/Rave] My dad always calls me "little girl", and I hate it.
/u/voteforgoats
Created: Fri Oct 12 16:28:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9not0i/my_dad_always_calls_me_little_girl_and_i_hate_it/
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Not just because I'm super fat, I just think it's gross. He refuses to address me by anything else, not even my name. I'm 22, I'm a college graduate, and he just calls me "little girl" in this condescending voice all the time. I don't even have that type of relationship with him. We're not close, we never were. I don't talk to him because of his terrible abusive tendencies and his desire to blame my mom for everything he does. Not to mention his strong disregard for women. He's like a textbook example of men who don't believe that women are capable of anything or should be allowed to do anything except for housework, which men shouldn't be subjected to.
"Did you just sleep all day, little girl?" (No, I didn't sleep at all today or last night. How are you going to just walk in and assume because you're not here, I have nothing to do but sleep? You're not the fucking center of my world.)
"What are you doing this weekend, little girl?"
"I'm going to cut the grass, little girl."
"What's for dinner, little girl?"
Fuck off.
But it does wonders, because I refuse to be in the same room as he is intentionally, so I usually avoid most of the house and just don't eat during the day or night.
[Goal] Having a freaking awesome day today
/u/applesauceistheenemy [5’10.5” | 140 | 19.5 | -70 lb | female]
Created: Fri Oct 12 16:18:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9noqfy/having_a_freaking_awesome_day_today/
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My partner who’s emotionally toxic and possibly abusive is at work this evening and I have the night off and aaaaa I’m so happy I could scream.
I’ve decided I’m not telling either of my partners how I’m feeling; they don’t deserve to know. That’s what I had to do with my parents, too. I might not be able to leave now, or ever, but this is a good step towards independence.
I know I won’t be this strong every day and I know I’m not cured. But I worked the past 7 days straight and today is my first day off after all that, so I slept in super late which was glorious, re started my personal training classes at the gym, finished my going back to college application and submitted it, ate a ton from Taco Bell and didn’t give a shit, went on a speed walk while listening to my empowerment playlist, and now I’m catching up on my Bible reading plan.
I’m not manic or anything, I’m just...happy. This is the first happy day I’ve had in a long time, where I’ve been thinking clearly and feel strong and capable and I feel like I can like myself. I’ve spent so long hurting myself so I wouldn’t have to “burden” other people with my emotions and I’m just done with that. I’ll just find safe people, different people, who I can express them to. I’m finally so fucking sick of hurting myself. Sick of feeling like I deserve to die for bullshit reasons, sick of cutting and scratching and starving and denying...I don’t deserve it. I never did.
[Discussion] The cupcake, and also I think my coworker has an ED
/u/ItsAMe-username
Created: Fri Oct 12 16:16:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nopsx/the_cupcake_and_also_i_think_my_coworker_has_an_ed/
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So it's been a weird day. I started EC stacking yesterday and have not felt very hungry. I've been eating what probably seems like a lot to some of you but it's impressive for me.
I also saw the scale go down five pounds this week, lower than I've been in over a year. I've realized that the only thing that ever seems to work is just not eating.
My coworkers went to a BBQ today and while I don't eat meat, one of them brought me a cup cake. I joked about how I was saving it for when I could enjoy it, but really I'm giving it to my husband. It sat on the desk all wrapped up and I didn't even think about it being there.
In the hallway another very tiny coworker of mine asked why I didn't go and I said I don't eat meat. She didn't go and says she never goes (it's been a yearly thing for a while). She talked about how she only likes to eat the food she brings.
Her soup, her fruit, and her occasional sandwich that takes thirty minutes to eat.
I nodded, said "me too".
But what's irritating is she probably has no idea I have issues with food because I'm just under an overweight bmi.
It's kind of a kick to keep at it, lose more, start to have a body that represents how fucked up my brain is.
No one knows I'm obsessing. Yet.
[Rant/Rave] my mom is trying to make me fat
/u/su22a [5’3 | CW 111 | BMI 19.6 | HW 114]
Created: Fri Oct 12 16:12:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nooo4/my_mom_is_trying_to_make_me_fat/
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(Deleted my previous post because things. got. worse!)
i asked my mom for a SMALL chocolate milkshake.
she comes home with a MEDIUM, a brownie, and fries.
anyone else would be thrilled but my heart literally dropped when I saw it all.
if this turns into a binge cycle I’m disowning my mother.
"Wow, you're gonna be so tiny."
/u/Dense_Necros [5'2" | CW:161lbs | 30.5| - 35lbs| UGW:110lbs| 22F|]
Created: Fri Oct 12 16:10:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9noo7u/wow_youre_gonna_be_so_tiny/
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I'm beaming you guys. I told a school friend of mine that I've been losing weight and I told him my goal weight (for now). Instead of harping on me like everyone else or saying the same old bullshit of "oh no you look fine right now!" He just said "wow, you're gonna be so tiny." And left it at that.
YES THAT IS MY GOAL, THANK YOU FOR ACKNOWLEDGING IT AND LETTING ME KEEP DOING ME. THANK YOUUUUU.
Honestly it's so refreshing when people just worry about themselves.
[Rant/Rave] i used my roommates toothbrush to purge ln ToT
/u/harperNovaStrom
Created: Fri Oct 12 15:56:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nojzw/i_used_my_roommates_toothbrush_to_purge_ln_tot/
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so i haven't really bp-ed for real in like 9 years really (i guess occasionally i would if i ate food and then felt physically ill from eating too much with friends/fam or something, but fsr i don't count those times) i actually bought food at 3am last night when i couldn't sleep (as usual) WITH THE INTENTION of purging after. i drank a bunch of water b4 and after and i remembered how to know when it was time to try so that it would be silent and come up easily. it was weird how much i easily remembered exactly how to do it.
​
i usually cant sleep until ive eaten SOMETHING and i hate it. Ive been struggling with hardcore insomnia for like a year I got the idea to purge after eating only last night. it totally worked. i dont know why i hadn't thought of it before because ik it used to work when i was younger and had sleep problems.
​
i have 3 roommates and their bedroom doors are all basically 10-4 feet away from the bathroom door and i just put the bath rug at the bottom crack of the door, bunched up, to muffle sound like it was second nature.
​
the funny/gross part is that i had switched to an electric toothbrush recently and i had to use by roommates normal toothbrush instead. im probably horrible person for this but i do honestly think its one she never uses since it has been in a plastic bag in the bottom of a random bathroom drawer for like 3 years.
​
nothing quite makes it all come up like the curve on the end of a good old toothbrush.
​
i feel bad for not being angry at myself for this idk
​
i just finally feel like i have control again and im really happy
I'm a terrible friend
/u/deconcerte [4'11 | 23F | 115.2lbs | -5.3lbs]
Created: Fri Oct 12 15:49:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9noi1h/im_a_terrible_friend/
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My best friend is in town this week and we've barely hung out because I don't want him to peep me at this weight. He knows about my eating disorder and has seen me at my LW so him seeing me at my current "healthy" weight and making a comment on it would lowkey destroy my self-esteem lol 🙃
Him, two other of my highschool/university friends and I are going out for sushi tonight and I've been racking my brains to find an excuse not to be there this entire day. We were also supposed to get drinks after but I said I was starting to get a cold, so I'll probably be able to get out of drinking tonight. Since I've already cancelled once before and I managed to get out of drinking tonight, I don't think I can make an excuse last minute not to go :/
I don't know why I'm behaving like this. This is my best friend. I only ever see him a couple times a year. I should enjoy myself. But I can't. I've already picked out the five things I'm going to eat tonight (6 piece cucumber roll, 6 piece avocado roll, 1 cup shelled edamame, 1 cup miso soup, 1/2 cup mango salad) and calculated all the calories (675). I probably won't even finish all the pieces of either rolls or the entire thing of edamame and claim that I had a lot of French toast at work today.
I coffee fasted the entire day today and only had 150 calories yesterday just so that I could fit sushi in tonight. God I wish I was normal.
Y'ever just hurt yourself with a cookie
/u/Daistis [162 CM | 21.7 BMI | 20F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 15:25:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9noakm/yever_just_hurt_yourself_with_a_cookie/
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tried to separate this cookie with my teeth, and somehow it accelerated and it dove with the force of a thousand suns at just the right angle at my lower gums and now it won't stop bleeding. If this isn't a clear cut divine sign from above to stop being a glutton idk what is. I seriously just sat there laughing about the absolute STATE of things as I stuffed my mouth with paper towels to stop the bleeding. My teeth are giving up after years of abuse. I guess the takeaway here is PSA don't purge, kids.
​
Warning, bloody tissue and offending cookie ahead: [https://imgur.com/a/NVGlMhG](https://imgur.com/a/NVGlMhG)
[Help] How to stop pre period binges?
/u/TinyJarOfRocks [5’1 | CW 107 GW 95]
Created: Fri Oct 12 15:25:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9noakk/how_to_stop_pre_period_binges/
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I don’t eat until dinner on the days that I work, it’s not hard for me. Even free food doesn’t tempt me. I didn’t eat all day until my body decided it NEEDED chocolate.
So therefore I just binged on peanut m&ms, regular m&ms, a slim Jim, chocolate chip cookies, two bags of ruffles and Taco Bell chips.
HELP
[Rant/Rave] milkshake paranoia
/u/su22a [5’3 | CW 111 | BMI 19.6 | HW 114]
Created: Fri Oct 12 15:11:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9no5wo/milkshake_paranoia/
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my mom called me and asked if I want any food brought home and I decided to ask for a chocolate milkshake from McDonald’s bc I usually try to treat myself a little bit on weekends, plus I’m still pretty low for the day so figured it couldn’t hurt.
after I got off the phone, looked up the cals. For some reason, I thought a small had like 350. nope! Not even close!
I found the info for just a plain chocolate shake that says it’s 470, but also the “triple chocolate” which is 560.
Here’s the thing, I’m going to have NO idea if my mom is ordering the plain or the triple chocolate. kill me :( I’m going to be so paranoid while I drink it.
I know this is such a dumb problem for someone to have but ugh, I’m sure we can all relate to the anxiety of not knowing how many calories are in whatever we’re eating :(
[Help] Oh nooooooo
/u/crystal_methmath
Created: Fri Oct 12 15:10:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9no5nd/oh_nooooooo/
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Ok sooo basically my gag reflex is going and I can’t really purge anymore... I’m having panic attacks even looking at food idk what to do anymore. I can put a toothbrush all the way down my throat. Sorry TMI but I really need help. Thanks guys.
Y'ever just hurt yourself with a cookie
/u/Daistis [162 CM | 21.7 BMI | 19F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 15:09:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9no5ge/yever_just_hurt_yourself_with_a_cookie/
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tried to separate this cookie with my teeth, and somehow it accelerated and it dove with the force of a thousand suns at just the right angle at my lower gums and now it won't stop bleeding. If this isn't a clear cut divine sign from above to stop being a glutton idk what is. I seriously just sat there laughing about the absolute STATE of things as I stuffed my mouth with paper towels to stop the bleeding. My teeth are giving up after years of abuse. I guess the takeaway here is PSA don't purge, kids.
https://i.redd.it/d2wtktsjktr11.jpg
​
It runs in the family
/u/MyNames_Not_Rick [5'4' | CW: 123.5 | 20F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 15:01:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9no2iq/it_runs_in_the_family/
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I found out recently that my mom struggled with severe bulimia from age 15-25 (she was a ballerina) and it nearly killed her before she recovered. I use the term ‘recovered’ loosely because she’s still OBSESSED with food and body image, but she’s also almost 60 now and at a healthy weight.
She would always comment on my body as a kid and talk shit about fat people then turn around and tell me she was huge and disgusting, etc etc. I’m sure my own shitty relationship with food is related to the way I was raised to think about eating. I’ve been playing this game with myself since I was 11, almost a full fucking decade, and she still has NO IDEA. Ugh. Honestly I’m not even sure why I’m posting this, I’m just feeling kind of sad because I feel like I didn’t have a single chance to be normal, I’m sad that my youth was stolen from me and more than anything I’m terrified that if I have kids someday I’ll do the exact same thing to them :(
thanks for listening
Raising the difficulty level for binges
/u/42rental
Created: Fri Oct 12 14:11:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nnng3/raising_the_difficulty_level_for_binges/
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https://imgur.com/jBywsx5
[Rant/Rave] i hate this sooo much
/u/signpostsally
Created: Fri Oct 12 14:02:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nnl49/i_hate_this_sooo_much/
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https://i.redd.it/172hrg7e9tr11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] So I just went shopping
/u/-bluehoney- [5'3" | sw 187 | cw 169.4 | gw 120 | ƒ |🍑bluehoney]
Created: Fri Oct 12 14:01:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nnkqy/so_i_just_went_shopping/
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I went to Forever 21. The skinny girl store. I went there bc cheap clothes and I need an outfit for a big audition coming up at the end of the month. I am not a skinny girl, but I was hopeful bc they normally have some oversized stuff that looks cute. I tried in a bunch of clothes. They all looked good, I felt good, I had difficulty choosing what to get because it all looked... nice. I’m not skinny yet, but the 20lbs I’ve lost so far have given me my shape back. I look thicc. It’s not ultimately preferred but it’s a fuck ton better than the blob I was before.
I ended up getting some deep red and back plaid high waisted skinny pants, and a black long sleeve turtleneck (tucked in), but also a bodycon deep red long sleeve mid-thigh length dress. They’re both cute and I’ll be eat them both, but I’ll let my mentor help me choose between what to wear for the audition. I’m excited to kick ass. :)
Bonus: two different strangers complimented me on the dress I’m wearing today, and my makeup looks nice. Thanks for listening to me rave ☺️
[Discussion] Jello cups are a lifesaver
/u/andinev
Created: Fri Oct 12 13:59:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nnjxb/jello_cups_are_a_lifesaver/
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Sugar free jello cups are only 10 calories each and they taste fucking good especially with fat free reddi whip on top (5 cal for 2 tablespoons). Perfect dessert or snack ☺️
Best appetite suppressant?
/u/bi-the-wayy
Created: Fri Oct 12 13:57:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nnjkg/best_appetite_suppressant/
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What works best for you? I know theres no magic "I'm not hungry anymore" button but I hate trying to sleep hungry and end up binging before bed. What works best to suppress the beast?
Guys I got my dream job!
/u/ButterflyThin [66" | 174 | 28.20 | -76 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 13:36:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nnd82/guys_i_got_my_dream_job/
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It's not a great job but it's everything I wanted. More than minimum wage, set schedule... ACTIVE! It involved 20k+ steps a day and a lot of lifting.
[Discussion] My cat attacked me and its the best thing thats happened to me????
/u/WashiiTape [🌻 Height: 5'4 | CW: 119 | BMI: 19.4 | Gender: F 🌻]
Created: Fri Oct 12 13:35:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nnd2b/my_cat_attacked_me_and_its_the_best_thing_thats/
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Okay well "attacked" may not be the right word. but she accidentally scratched me across the mouth and now it hurts to move my lips, so eating has been almost entirely impossible. It's stopped me from bingeing twice!!! It's probably hella unhealthy and i definitely should take more steps to prevent the cuts getting infected but at least for now it might help me finally get to my next goal weight!! Im getting close!!!
(putting it in discussion because im not sure what tag it would go in?? but i wanted to share lol)
[Intro] Oh look, im back at this again
/u/SheWhoDaresToSpeak
Created: Fri Oct 12 13:32:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nnc3y/oh_look_im_back_at_this_again/
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Hey everyone, I'm not sure what tag/nickname I'm using for Reddit yet outside of SheWhoDares, but that's beside the point. I guess now this is just a "welcome back" to myself now that I'm rejoining the community. Currently, I'm 22 and I have two kids. Before my kids I had done really good with EDNOS. Even after my oldest, that cyclical nature came back for a bit, and the same thing after my best friend died. But, now I think I'm back back. When I was a kid, I was obese. 145 at 11 years old (mind you I'm only 5' 2" now, probably shorter back then) through restricting I got down to 130 thanks to being in marching band. Once either got to college, I starting becoming a poster child and got down to coasting around ~110. Now, after two kids, my average has been 165. Well, now, after having been fasting/extreme restricting for four days, i'm down to 156 and honestly not even feeling hungry anymore. I thrive off of zero calorie sweet drinks (diet sodas will be the death of me😂) and the calories I do intake are often in the form of energy drinks. I feel a binge day looming, but don't think I'll give in any time soon. Anyways, this has been my intro/rant thing. Hello everyone!
[Help] I've gained 40 pounds in a year and I just can't exist anymore
/u/Pinkwashtub
Created: Fri Oct 12 13:18:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nn81o/ive_gained_40_pounds_in_a_year_and_i_just_cant/
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This is very depressing, just a heads up.
Over the past year I've been in a depressive cycle and binging constantly. I've gained 40lbs and I don't even recognise myself anymore, I barely go out because I'm so uncomfortable in my own skin. I restricted for 4 years, hit my goal weights and had everything under control then one day I binged and just never stopped. I feel so ashamed and depressed all the time, I don't even want to exist.
I'm not even sure what the point of writing this was, I just wanted to rant,
Steadily losing while eating what I want
/u/mladyisthename
Created: Fri Oct 12 13:09:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nn4zu/steadily_losing_while_eating_what_i_want/
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If you're like me, restricting too hard leads to binges. I feel that's human nature, actually...even outside the ED world.
I just wanted to give recognition to the fact that foods aren't inherently bad or good. That mentality always leads to rapid weight loss and gaining it all back with binges. It is not sustainable, it is not the way I want to live my life.
I'll admit that I still binge, I'm a bulimic after all. But rather than have my days dedicated to eating nothing but my binge food and expending all of my energy purging, I've just decided to eat one meal a day where I have what I actually want.
I like healthy food, so it's typically in the realm of something good for me, but it also has things like meat, or bread or avocado.
Eating like this has allowed me to have confidence in not gaining the weight I've lost back through binges. And I am finally down into the 120s for the first time in my life that didn't require copious amounts of vodka and little to no food.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that we are deserving people who need to nourish ourselves and we can still lose weight while we do so. It's not mutually exclusive.
Much love and thanks. Eat something this week that will give you a great boost.
[Other] Does anyone else watch super elaborate food prep vids...
/u/AzraelUaDuibhne
Created: Fri Oct 12 13:07:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nn4gm/does_anyone_else_watch_super_elaborate_food_prep/
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...as an inspiration to *not* eat? I know I'm not talented enough to make chocolate cake with fondant that looks like a rack of ribs, so why try to eat today at all‽
[Goal] 120 by 21- Update Two
/u/LumosErin [5'5.5" | 121.8 lbs| GW: 120 lbs| UGW: 115 lbs | 20F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 12:41:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nmwe4/120_by_21_update_two/
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I don’t have Friday classes and I don’t like doing homework in my apartment bc I know I can’t get anything done so I like to go to the library and work in my little hidey-hole cubicle.
Well I’ve finished working and decided to walk back home but I pass the rec on the way back. For funsies, I went in to weigh myself as I didn’t want to wait until Wednesday after my weekly Pilates class.
120.6. My birthday is approximately two weeks from today. I achieved the goal with 14 days left. How low can I go? New GW: 115!
Hi, I love you all and if anyone is struggling I am here to talk to. That is all.
/u/graeciamagna
Created: Fri Oct 12 12:35:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nmun7/hi_i_love_you_all_and_if_anyone_is_struggling_i/
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[Help] help me get out of this binge cycle pleeeeease :(
/u/Appolinaris9
Created: Fri Oct 12 12:30:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nmsyx/help_me_get_out_of_this_binge_cycle_pleeeeease/
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I've been in the longest binge cycle ever, at least two months! I can make it like two days without, then binge again. I put of SO MUCH weight that I'd rather kms than take another look in the mirror.
I just don't know what to do. When I set myself calorie restrictions, I feel kind of compelled to 'break the rules'? If I don't, I don't know how to eat and question every bite and wether I should have it or not so that's practically more stress.
I tried high restricting and doing it the healthy way - worked for two days because it's just too much food and I can't deal with such a slow weight loss after I put on so much weight. Actually I love low restriction, but after a while I feel 'sorry for myself' and binge.
It's like, no matter what I do, my brain just always wants to break the rules for the sake of it. What should I do? Decide for a calorie limit or a certain plan and just fucking stick to it (I thought about doing like 4 weeks of 500 cals, 2 weeks of 800, then easing into higher restriction again)? Or not having a plan and just going about my day, but being mindful about wether I'm actually hungry or not (If I eat according to hunger I'll usually be at 300-600 cals)? Or what?
I'm just SO desperate ffs :( My stomach feels like it's about to rupture and I can't go out because I'm so bloated :'(
[Discussion] Thinspo or fitspo?
/u/mmblarg
Created: Fri Oct 12 12:25:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nmrgk/thinspo_or_fitspo/
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Which do you look at, wish you were, find most attractive?
Fitspo for me. I’ll never look like that and my fucked up brain thinks “i just need to be thin first, then i’ll work on the fit” yeah right...
[Help] Salt water for electrolyte replenish?
/u/LumosErin [5'5.5" | 121.8 lbs| GW: 120 lbs| UGW: 115 lbs | 20F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 12:23:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nmqup/salt_water_for_electrolyte_replenish/
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I’ve been dealing with sluggishness and I think I need to replenish. I’ve read stuff about snake juice but I cannot afford the supplies to make it.
I thought I once read something here about mixing 1/4 tsp of salt into ice water and it worked. However I know salt makes us **retain** water and I’m trying not to get more bloated so I’m not sure if I read correctly.
Is the above a good idea or do I need to change it up?
[Rant/Rave] Lunch- what a joke
/u/MyMetalHeart [5-4 | CW: vom | 1st GW: 120 |2nd GW: 100 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 11:54:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nmhu3/lunch_what_a_joke/
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So I drank my coffee so quick today that the candy bar I ate with it made a quick pass through. I don't purge out the front but try to manipulate my food to come out the back quick. Or I take laxatives from time to time.
Made my morning happy.
For lunch I made a crap soup of vegetable stock, carrots, peas, rice, green bell peppers, garbanzo beans, ham and apparently too much cayenne and dried pepper flakes.
It was too spicy to eat the entire small bowl. Heh, oops. I plan to keep it spicy but add water as I make my way through the pot. Looks like I'm eating a big old bowl but it's a bowl of basically nothing. It'll keep my partner from asking.
​
Happy weekend, friends.
I signed up for a 50 mile race
/u/MailingMaize [5'1 | CW: 111 | BMI 21.5 | GW: 95 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 11:54:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nmhsl/i_signed_up_for_a_50_mile_race/
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Let's see how long it takes me to get another stress fracture running 55+ miles per week on <1000 calories. ☹️
Why do I do this to myself?
What was it like to tell your SO about your ED?
/u/MailingMaize [5'1 | CW: 111 | BMI 21.5 | GW: 95 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 11:49:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nmgh5/what_was_it_like_to_tell_your_so_about_your_ed/
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I live with my boyfriend of two years, who I adore and have an otherwise great relationship with. He knows I had "some food problems" at one point and has come across pictures of me at my bulimic HW of 145. I was 110 when we met, got up to 123 after moving in together, and since August have gotten back to 110. He has never brought up my weight but most have noticed. I have not lost it healthily and I feel awful hiding it from him and lying about eating (both when it's too much and too little).
What were your experiences with SOs like? I feel like I have to wait till I'm thin enough to tell. ☹️ So I can't explain why I've been so moody and distant lately. Over of his close friends just went inpatient too, so I feel extra invalid struggling with this at a healthy BMI.
any other disabled people here?
/u/PartyTimeSexyDisco [monster zero lesbian | 25F | europe]
Created: Fri Oct 12 11:33:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nmbfd/any_other_disabled_people_here/
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(ive been lurking for a few months here and i wanna join the discord so time to get posting!! hi!!)
i have uhh. a Lot of medical stuff going on but to keep it short i have spina bifida (occulta so the least-bad form) and i use a cane every day pretty much, i'm not allowed to exercise or do 99% of sports and tbh even standing to cook for too long when i cant use my cane bc i need both hands is a lot most days. so i never have any stuff to cook with at home bc i eat prepackaged stuff/delivery/nothing (lbr mostly nothing). sometimes i really wish i could exercise all day just to binge after but... it's just not happening physically i can't
i also have ADHD which is pretty common with spina bifida apparently! i got diagnosed early this year as an adult and being medicated has made my life sooo much better... i have to be super careful with my shrink so i don't get taken off that ritalin for losing too much weight but it's amazing
**tl;dr** i don't see a lot of posts about physical disability or nd stuff other than non-ed mental illness (which i also have lmao) so i wanted to see if there's more of us than just me! also im using reddit as a distraction from ordering pizza until everywhere closes and i can go to bed at the <250 cals i'm at rn 🙏
Family Reunion Tomorrow :/
/u/backup4reelz [5'5" F | 121 | 115]
Created: Fri Oct 12 11:33:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nmbep/family_reunion_tomorrow/
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A problem for multiple reasons and I'm just gonna rant about it for a bit.
Basically, it's gonna be a catered get together with like 50 of my closest relatives of whom I only know about a dozen. So a few hours of people I barely know commenting on either "how big I've gotten since I was a little girl" or "how great I look now that I've lost my baby fat". Doesn't help that my grandma comments on my weight loss positively every time I see her. Every time I eat around her, she tells me to slow down so I don't put the weight back on.
Most of my family is a pretty healthy weight but I know some of them who are into diet culture without actuallly dieting (like keto but with putting two tbsp of butter in coffee every morning and having cheat weekends every week) and are definitely gonna ask me how I lost weight. I'm just gonna say I've been more active in college and it's cheaper to eat healthier but id r e a l l y rather not discuss it.
Also, the catering is from some bbq/fried chicken place. Southern American soul food stuff. Fried everything dripping in oil and tea sweetened with like a pound of sugar. I've been fasting to prepare and I know that I've restricted so hard over the past week that I might even woosh from this but STILL. I haven't had this much oil and processed food and bullshit since the last family reunion I went too two years ago. And I used to be ADDICTED to fried foods like this so I'm so worried that this will make me fall back into my old emotional eating/binging habits.
TBH I can't get out of this like I did last year and there'll be MORE comments about me/my weight/etc if I dont eat or eat a tiny amount or just veggies or any of that. I know i can do this but damn is it gonna take a toll on me esp with halloween around the corner
Don't know what to do ehen not eating
/u/mamaskumsquat
Created: Fri Oct 12 11:32:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nmb4x/dont_know_what_to_do_ehen_not_eating/
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I ate so much today that I'm still uncomfortably full but the only thing I can imagine doing that I would enjoy is eat more. I'm like waiting for the fullness to ease off so I can eat more and keep thinking it everything I have to eat in the kitchen. But I've already eaten over the 2000 calories that anyone should have (I'm very sedentary)
[Other] TMI but I’ve gotta share (it’s about poop)
/u/areddittoshowoff [161cm | C: 60kg | G: 54kg | -14kg | F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 11:29:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nma8m/tmi_but_ive_gotta_share_its_about_poop/
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So I’ve been stuck at 60kg for a while now. I’m super accurate with my counting so it’s not that. Plus there’s no way I’m underestimating enough to put me at maintenance.
Anyway, I’ve also been super backed up. I tried a few things - more water, had some greens, some cabbage, caffeine.... but nothing worked. I caved yesterday and bought some senna tablets because it was actually starting to get painful. My stomach was kinda swollen too. I took 2 senna tablets, then 2 more about 4 hours later. I also had cabbage for dinner and did an abdominal massage before bed.
Then about an hour ago the stomach cramps started. And the sweating. And the “oh god gonna poop” feeling. It wasn’t fun tbh. Butt (lol) after unleashing hell on a toilet at work, I feel soooo much better and lighter. My stomach isn’t rock hard and bloated.
I definitely don’t want to take them too often because I know you can get dependent on them. But oh my god, I can see why people use them.
[Help] How do you make yourself feel better/like yourself again after a binge cycle?
/u/FUCKuNSALTEDcROUTONS [5'6 |CW:162.2 | GW: 130 |F 19]
Created: Fri Oct 12 11:22:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nm7t6/how_do_you_make_yourself_feel_betterlike_yourself/
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This week was supposed to be my “jump back in to clean eating and dieting week” and instead every night I get high and binge soooo hard on Pringle’s and chicken strips and Taco Bell etc.
Gluten isn’t necessarily my best friend so now I am beyond bloated to the point of my thighs touching way more than normal and I look 8 months pregnant. If I start there and allow my stomach to fully relax instead of holding it in it goes out FAR.
My mood is messed up too; this morning I woke up, realized how bloated and gross I feel, and instantly bitched at my roommate and told her to leave me alone despite her being my best friend.
I unfortunately don’t have any tea on hand, but I need to know what you guys all do after a binge to bring your self back to normal as quick as possible and to get rid of the bloat.
[Rant/Rave] Can I hire one of you ?
/u/Arkhamgel [Height | 173| 27.7 | +22 | Male]
Created: Fri Oct 12 11:09:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nm3mt/can_i_hire_one_of_you/
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I need someone who will straight up deck me in the jaw every time I open a cabinet or the fridge in the kitchen.
I'm willing to pay a pack of monster zero per day srsly
[Goal] Gonna fast?!
/u/conuretrash [5'3.5''| 20 F | CW 148 | GW 115| -42 |]
Created: Fri Oct 12 11:07:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nm30x/gonna_fast/
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I want to fast so bad but these past few days I’ve been slipping up 30-45 hours in. This time I want to succeed really bad. This is my accountability post! I want to just last 48 hours to get past the cravings and then plan how long I’ll fast for. These first few hours are the worst so I’m gonna try to be nice to myself- having some cream in my coffee today, having diet sodas, not forcing down tons of water. Once I break past 48 hours and I’m not obsessed with food I’ll stick to only water. Maybe I can make it by doing this??
Any side-effects of eating and spitting out the food in a bag?
/u/darkally
Created: Fri Oct 12 10:59:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nm0dx/any_sideeffects_of_eating_and_spitting_out_the/
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My girlfriend and I have been trying to find various ways to lose weight that fit in with our lifestyles. We order take out a lot so I've settled on fasting and binging but she's been eating and then spitting out the food in a bag.
It seems to work pretty well but researching online, I couldn't find out if there are any side-effects of doing this. She still eats a regular lunch at work so she gets some nutrients but is she just ingesting oils for dinner or something?
Any ideas or links would be appreciated!
When do you take your EC stack?
/u/deanhipchester [5' | lmao | 21F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 10:57:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nlzz9/when_do_you_take_your_ec_stack/
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I stopped taking mine a while back but I'm having such a tough time restricting rn that I gotta get back into it. What time do you guys usually take yours to be most effective?
[Other] I just realized a way I can burn more calories at work.
/u/lilmisssuccubus [5'2 | CW: 118 |BMI: 21 | GW: 103 | -60 | 26F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 10:55:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nlz6h/i_just_realized_a_way_i_can_burn_more_calories_at/
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I have been trying to up my active calories lately, as lowering my daily intake makes me \*dread\* my workouts. I have a goal of 400 calories a day, and whatever I have left to burn after work is what my goal is for my workout. I have been walking around my work building a few times a day but it's raining today so I walked around inside. We have two floors and a stairwell, so I decided to run up and down the stairs for a few minutes. It burned a lot more calories than walking in circles does. Small victories. Got into an argument with my fiancé last night, which has me feeling extra blue today even though we resolved it. Tie that in with the fact I may have missed a BC pill yesterday and had to double up today and I am just a sad anxious wreck.
​
But hey, the scale said 117.4 today. -.7 since yesterday. I'll take it.
How to survive the weekend
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 |CW 117 | GW 115 | GW 105-110 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 10:53:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nlykc/how_to_survive_the_weekend/
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So I fasted today and I'm going to my grandparents for the weekend for a family reunion. I Know for dinner they're having a cook out but I don't know what they're gonna do breakfast and I'm screwed for breakfast/lunch sunday. I finally got down to 116 today and I don't want to go back up to 120-118.
[Tip] If you like math
/u/desertfractal [5'5"|CW:125|GW:109.9|21.05| 23F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 10:26:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nlq9w/if_you_like_math/
---
Go into MyFitnessPal, make sure you’ve logged your calories accurately. Click “more” at the bottom of the screen, go to “nutrition.” Look at net average, and subtract that number from your tdee. So my net average this week is 812, idk what my tdee is but we’ll just say it’s 1500, so I would do 1500-812= 688. Multiply that number by 7 for the seven days of the week. 688*7=4816. Do that for as many weeks as you want, I’ll do the last 3 weeks. (1500-713)*7= 5509, (1500-1553)*7=-371. (It’s negative because I ate too much which means I would’ve gained instead of lost that week). Now, add up the numbers you got: 4816+5509+-371= 9954. Now, take that number, divide it by 3500 (the amount of calories in a pound) so 9954/3500=2.844=3 (we’ll just round up to three lol). The number you get is about the amount of weight (in lbs) that you’ve lost in the last three (or however many weeks you did) weeks if your tdee and calorie count is accurate. So in the last three weeks I’ve lost 3 lbs haha. This is actually relatively accurate for because three weeks ago I was 129 and now I’m like 125.6. My tdee might be a little higher which is why I didn’t get 3.4, but I like under estimating. Anyway, this is stupid and nobody will probably do it, but if you want to see how much weight you’ve lost this week, that’s how you can estimate it. Like if I did just this week, it’d be [(1500-812)*7]/3500= 1.376, so I should’ve lost 1.376 lbs this week. Anyway, it doesn’t really matter because you can just check your weight and see how much you actually lost. Also, this is a great way to kind of figure out your tdee! So say you lost 3 lbs this week right? And your net calorie average for the week was 812. So you’d do [(x-812)*7]/3500=3. Then, multiply both sides by 3500. (X-812)*7=10,500. Divide both sides by 7. X-812=1500. Add 812 to both sides. X=2312. So that’d be your tdee! This obviously is just an example, my tdee definitely is not 2312. Also, it can vary depending on how active you were that week and if you logged your cals/exercise correctly. Anyway, just some fun math if you like it haha.
[Discussion] DAE get super excited to update their user flair when they've lost weight?????
/u/kurtisskinny [5'5 | CW 140 | | SW 156 | F21]
Created: Fri Oct 12 10:08:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nlkto/dae_get_super_excited_to_update_their_user_flair/
---
bc, same. thats all <3
[Other] My dad picked me up a skinny vanilla latte - it’s so ironic that his name is ed 😂
/u/lemonsubmarine [5’3” | cw 115 | gw 107 | ugw unrecognizable ]
Created: Fri Oct 12 10:07:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nlkh1/my_dad_picked_me_up_a_skinny_vanilla_latte_its_so/
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https://i.redd.it/6uou2xjf3sr11.jpg
I've been smoking more now that I've relapsed and idk if I like it or not
/u/cottagegay [5'6" | 196 | 33.1 | -10lbs | ]
Created: Fri Oct 12 10:01:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nliit/ive_been_smoking_more_now_that_ive_relapsed_and/
---
I never was much of a smoker, I have a lot of family members who smoke and never found it all that interesting. When I started smoking weed, however, I smoked a cigarette rarely bc it felt good while high and everyone else was but still it wasn't that frequent.
Recently tho since I've fallen headfirst back into counting calories and exercising obsessively I've started smoking more and more and genuinely enjoying it.
I absolutely know part of it is that smoking kills my appetite so when I'm starving or want to binge I smoke instead but it's also just gotten more pleasurable and I like how it makes me feel.
Can anyone else relate? I know it's a bad thing and I'm still trying to limit just how much I smoke. (At most I'll do a cigarette or two a day, but usually just smoke one every two or three days.) Should I be limiting myself more or say hell and fall in headfirst in another bad habit ://
I feel like a fraud
/u/throwawayluckybamboo [5'4" | CW: 145.2 | GW: 125 | LW: 115 | UGW: 105]
Created: Fri Oct 12 09:42:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nlckx/i_feel_like_a_fraud/
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I feel like I'm a complete fraud and I don't really have an eating disorder, but I just want to feel like I do because it makes me feel like I belong somewhere, feeling sick gives me some kind of validation. It's so hard for me to restrict these days, even though all I want is to be skinny. But I also want to eat everything in sight. I'm a fat disgusting pig but I think that's independent of any ED, it's just me :(
Any ED habits you didn't understand until you started doing it?
/u/moon___night [🍑 moonnight]
Created: Fri Oct 12 09:29:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nl8ov/any_ed_habits_you_didnt_understand_until_you/
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I didn't really get the deal with pacing until I started doing it myself, and now I love getting my steps in by pacing my apartment while reading on my Kindle. Are there any ED habits or behaviours you've started that you didn't see yourself doing?
For those of you who love spiralizing vegetables, which one do you use/ recommend?
/u/RedBunny22
Created: Fri Oct 12 09:23:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nl6vp/for_those_of_you_who_love_spiralizing_vegetables/
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This video \[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gorWlpQVks](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gorWlpQVks)\] just popped up on my feed, and since I haven't had pasta in what feels like forever, the urge to substitute spaghetti with zucchini is so strong. I don't want to shell out a lot of money for one since your girl here is on a really tight budget, but which one do you guys use/ would recommend?
[Discussion] I need to stop changing my goal weight in loseit so I actually get somewhere lol
/u/piizza [5’4” | C130 | G110 | -14 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 09:17:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nl4yr/i_need_to_stop_changing_my_goal_weight_in_loseit/
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Yay self-defeating habits!
I FINALLY managed to weigh in under 130 today (129.4! Because I was throwing up from a migraine!) and after I logged it, I immediately went to lower my UGW by four pounds 🙃 because fuck acknowledging any progress I made, right?
Who else habitually moves goalposts for themselves and then gets frustrated that they never Get Anywhere????? ha haaa
I think I'm in love with the process of losing weight and as fast as possible
/u/theunachievable
Created: Fri Oct 12 08:55:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nky3c/i_think_im_in_love_with_the_process_of_losing/
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It's like a game to me, a challenge. I love calculating how many pounds or half pounds I want to lose a day/week, obsessing over it, eating as little as possible and exercising hard to burn it all off. Seeing the changes in my body. It's such a thrill to expect to lose half a pound the next day and surpass it. I think of all the clothes I'll be able to wear at my goal weight. And then I get down to a low weight, not quite at goal, and self sabotage majorly, like I'm subconsciously trying to ruin alll my hard work!!! I get fat again and hate my body and the process starts all over again. Each time I hope is the last.
Are there certain people in your life that trigger you to binge or restrict?
/u/kenziixoxo [5'5" | CW: 130 | GW: 110 💕]
Created: Fri Oct 12 08:41:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nku1e/are_there_certain_people_in_your_life_that/
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If my husband is gone for work for a weekend, I won’t eat the entire time (not out of worry or anything like that, I just don’t) but whenever he comes home he always wants to eat and is so encouraging because he knows that I restrict but doesn’t know that I “binge” so he brings a lot of food and I can’t help but eat it all.
But I also have a friend who models and we used to be the same size but since then I’ve gained and she’s lost and whenever we go on a trip together or something I straight up don’t eat lol.
[Rant/Rave] I’m in a bad place
/u/andinev
Created: Fri Oct 12 08:21:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nkom2/im_in_a_bad_place/
---
I’m going through some really rough shit rn. Things blew up with my family and I had to leave the house with nothing but the clothes on my back, a bottle of Smirnoff, and some concealer lol. I’ve been so fucking anxious and scared of my father and even tho it’s kept me from eating very much volume I’ve been eating foods sort of high in calories and drinking alcohol for the stress. Idk how but I’ve lost 2 lbs in the past 5 days. Maybe the stress is good for weight loss lol
[Discussion] DAE feel like some of the posts on /r/progresspics can't be using the right weights?
/u/Ineedthinspo [5'6 | 146 | 23.6 | -45 | ]
Created: Fri Oct 12 07:56:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nkhd9/dae_feel_like_some_of_the_posts_on_rprogresspics/
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I feel like I see girls who are shorter and heavier or my stats constantly and they all look significantly skinnier than I do... and I'm not even convinced it's because of dysmorphia.
[Other] I’ve reached peak bulimia
/u/percussivesilence
Created: Fri Oct 12 07:31:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nkalw/ive_reached_peak_bulimia/
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I went to a buffet alone. Purged halfway though and went back for more. I only left because the ice cream machine was broken and the waiter seemed like he was about to enforce the two hour time limit.
A thought when helping not to binge
/u/drippycup
Created: Fri Oct 12 07:25:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nk913/a_thought_when_helping_not_to_binge/
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I was thinking about it and I dont want to eat the little money that I have. Money literally either going into my mouth or in the toilet. Flushing money down the drain. BUT.. If you do binge, dont beat yourself up over it. In order to gain a single pound you would have to eat 3500 calories + the regular amount of food you eat every day. Dont beat yourself up guys <3
[Rant/Rave] Another Fast Ruined by my POS Body (vaguely off topic)
/u/nymphlotus [64in | 157 | 26.9 | -23lbs | Female]
Created: Fri Oct 12 07:09:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nk50f/another_fast_ruined_by_my_pos_body_vaguely_off/
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I had planned on fasting for a few days. But of course, I can't have anything nice. I got a massive fucking UTI. I have been getting them like at least twice a year since I can fucking remember. Aside from starting antibiotics (which I can't fucking afford because no insurance) the only thing I can do right now is take Azo. And if no one has ever taken Azo, it makes you uncontrollably nauseous if you dare take it with anything less than a full fucking meal. So of course, I get awoken at 5am with fucking hematuria and the worst fucking pain I have ever felt, and have to wait a full hour before I can tearfully crawl to a store to buy the stuff, break my fast way before I intended, and wait out the pain.
Oh, and despite eating a fucking sandwich and a granola bar, now the Azo is still hurting my stomach. So breaking the fast was pointless, and my whole fucking abdomen feels like it's being stomped on by a UFC contestant.
At least I had the foresight when I felt it brewing to tell my boss last night that I wouldn't be able to work today.
Someone kill me.
How do the girls with always perfectly flat stomachs do it?
/u/smileyslimey [5'5 | 98 | 16.3 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 07:06:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nk3zh/how_do_the_girls_with_always_perfectly_flat/
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Seriously, I don't understand. They must be superhuman.
Went out for drinks and clubbing a few days ago and didn't eat anything high-volume on purpose that day. But even a couple glasses of water and a few slices of cucumber will make my stomach stick out. I had planned a cute outfit that was a little tight on the stomach and it looked awful when I tried it on in the evening.
And when we got to the club there were all these girls in crop tops and bodycon dresses with flawfless, completely flat stomachs. I felt so envious and disgusting because my body *always* shows when I have eaten or drank anything.
Same at the beach or pool parties. If there is a secret, please tell me. I'm starting to think that some women are just extremely lucky because I doubt that all of them are starving themselves or taking laxatives...
I gained two lbs over night ☹️. How does that even happen?!
/u/rosepetalmemories
Created: Fri Oct 12 06:58:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nk1wg/i_gained_two_lbs_over_night_how_does_that_even/
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I had a salad yesterday (500cal) and then chili for dinner (450?). My daily maintnance is 1400cal. So how did I go from 112 to 114 in 24 hours? I'm so depressed.
[Goal] Just made it through a 58 hr fast!! I've never gone this far before :)
/u/aswerefallingdown
Created: Fri Oct 12 06:32:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9njvbw/just_made_it_through_a_58_hr_fast_ive_never_gone/
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I've been trying to get more than like 18 hrs into a fast for a long time and don't know why but I finally made it! I was going for 70 but felt like I was gonna faint so I just ate.
On a tmi side note, I don't know how to break a fast without destroying the toilet afterwards. Is there even anything safe you can break a fast with without killing your digestive system?
[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! October 12, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Oct 12 06:11:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9njq7s/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread/
---
This is the weekly picture thread for October 12, 2018.
Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!
1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**
2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*
3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.
4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD
**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**
*****
Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! October 12, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Oct 12 06:11:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9njq6s/daily_food_diary_october_12_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for October 12, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Help] Vaping for weight loss?
/u/_koala_master_
Created: Fri Oct 12 06:07:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9njp51/vaping_for_weight_loss/
---
Hey, so I'm a non smoker, but I'm bulimic af. Has anyone ever had success with preventing binges by vaping? Like with non nicotine liquids?
[Discussion] Am I a bad person for being attracted to muscular guys?
/u/linedryonly [5'5| C127 | G110 | L102 | -10]
Created: Fri Oct 12 05:59:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9njn87/am_i_a_bad_person_for_being_attracted_to_muscular/
---
Inspired by a recent post, I'm interested to know people's opinions about being primarily attracted to muscular men.
I'm definitely more attracted to fit guys (although not at the expense of personality ofc) and I feel really bad about it. In practice, I like the body of whoever I date because it's their body. But in terms of instant attraction, I definitely gravitate to a certain body type. Does this make me a terrible person?
Calorie counting apps
/u/zaniathin [5’3” | CW: 151 | -9 lbs | F | Relapsed Again]
Created: Fri Oct 12 05:24:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9njfi5/calorie_counting_apps/
---
I knew it was only a matter of time. 🙄
EVERYTIME I count calories, I end up obsessing. I now have two apps I keep track of calories on and use both those apps and my Garmin watch to track my exercise. I then average it out (which means highest calorie amount and lowest calories burned) and call that my daily amount.
I am struggling so hard to not add another app onto my growing list of weight loss apps. I already got a fasting one because who doesn’t like seeing the amount of time a person has spent fasting?!
This is getting ridiculous and logically I know I could do with just one but I overestimate and those estimates always seem like underestimates. So I just pick the highest number of calories.
Fuck me. I knew I relapsed but I didn’t know I relapsed THIS hard. (As if relapsing has levels lol wut)
Why am I the way I am?
[Help] Feel worse after purging liquids vs solids?
/u/red-sunday
Created: Fri Oct 12 05:21:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9njevd/feel_worse_after_purging_liquids_vs_solids/
---
Basically I’m scared of solids so lately have only been having liquids (soups, cordial, water, etc.) all of it I have to purge though however I’ve noticed (and this is everytime I purge liquids) that I feel worse physically than when I purge solids. Anyone else have this?
OMAD for a day?
/u/MagnoliaPetal
Created: Fri Oct 12 05:20:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9njesh/omad_for_a_day/
---
Hey everyone,
Just had a huuuge breakfast, just couldn't stop eating. But I'm still within my goal amount for today so I'm wondering if it would be of any use to do OMAD for a day? I'm thinking of only having a few gherkins for dinner (have to take medication that can't be taken on an empty stomach). Thoughts?
P. S. Part of that huge breakfast was around 500 grams of grapes so according to MFP I've consumed over 100 grams of sugar already. Thoughts on fruit sugar anyone?
[Help] Has anyone been taken off ritalin because of weightloss?
/u/Such_fruits_as_these [5'3 | 111 | 20.39 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 05:10:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9njcmf/has_anyone_been_taken_off_ritalin_because_of/
---
I'm so afraid of this happening, can anyone who's been prescribed it while low/underweight share experiences please?
[Discussion] Does anyone have a binge day?
/u/its_freaking_bats [5'7" | CW 125 | BMI 19.6 | GW 120 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 12 04:41:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nj697/does_anyone_have_a_binge_day/
---
Like 1 day a week where you either eat normally or binge? I guess a cheat day? How has this affected your weight loss?
Honest opinion what would you consider an attractive weight for a 5"5 woman?
/u/AltruisticFox7
Created: Fri Oct 12 03:53:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9niwrg/honest_opinion_what_would_you_consider_an/
---
Anyone tried saffron supplements?
/u/peachykeen773
Created: Fri Oct 12 03:30:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nisjy/anyone_tried_saffron_supplements/
---
Ive been reading that Satireal is a pretty great appetite suppressant. Its extracted from saffron and ive been reading that saffron supplements in general have some really nice benefits. Has anyone here tried it and seen any benefits?
[Discussion] Anyone else more attracted to guys that are slightly overweight rather than skinny?
/u/AltruisticFox7
Created: Fri Oct 12 02:51:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nilph/anyone_else_more_attracted_to_guys_that_are/
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I don't know what it is, it could be that their more likely to eat all the junk in the house or that I feel more comfortable because they are less likely to critique my weight.
[Rant/Rave] Saw my legs thin in the mirror until I blinked
/u/LynCross [152.5cm | BMI: 25.1| CW: 128.75 lbs |UGW: 101lbs |F ]
Created: Fri Oct 12 02:21:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nignt/saw_my_legs_thin_in_the_mirror_until_i_blinked/
---
I'm not sure if it's just the pants fitting nicely or maybe I actually lost weight, but I'm wearing a hoodie with my pants and the fat overspill on your thighs..the one with the panty line was magically gone. Until I shifted my leg and then..there it was...sighh
[Help] Coffee nausea
/u/Tonilier [160cm 🍒 19.7 🍒 cw:111lbs 🍒 gw:97lbs]
Created: Fri Oct 12 01:44:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9niaeb/coffee_nausea/
---
24 hours into a fast and I made the mistake of drinking coffee- now I'm sitting in my bed trying so damn hard to not throw up. Is there anything I can do to limit nausea from coffee?? Or at least how to make it pass sooner??
[Help] Help, Need a friend
/u/RiskyBusiness99
Created: Fri Oct 12 01:14:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ni51z/help_need_a_friend/
---
This is a mess
/u/asiaticlily [5’10 | 134.4 | 19 | -47 lbs | F22]
Created: Fri Oct 12 01:13:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ni4r4/this_is_a_mess/
---
Okay so, I’m doing well... I’m eating 1,4001,500 cals a day... not hating myself... working out everyday... I think I’m on the road to some sort of recovery. HAHAAHAHA jokes on me, I’ve drank 3 bottles of wine tonight and eaten like 1,700 calories of food today and I can’t even tell if I’m nauseous from the food or from my own mental state. I hate myself right now. I looked at pictures of myself at my lowest weight and oh my god.. I look so good. Fuck this. Fuck feeling better mentally. I have to be 133 again. I’m already feeling sick from the wine so I guess I’ll go vomit just to get rid of some of the calories. God, I was such a fucking idiot to think I’m ready to recover. Fuck. My. Life.
[Discussion] Today I purged coke zero and a single tic tac into the wastepaper bin at work, what's your most recent rock bottom?
/u/InTheGecko [172cm (5'6) | 61.5kg (135lbs) | BMI: 20.6 | -12.5kg | F | 23yo]
Created: Fri Oct 12 00:57:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ni1mi/today_i_purged_coke_zero_and_a_single_tic_tac/
---
[Other] Dressing Room Blues
/u/isthischick4real
Created: Fri Oct 12 00:50:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ni0d4/dressing_room_blues/
---
I went up 10 pounds over the summer but that was in addition to 10 pounds I had put on over the last year. I was at 142 and now im down to 137 but I like to be at 115. But the fat distribution on my body is really nice, luckily, so it mostly went to my boobs and my ass. So my clothing size didnt really change. Also, all my clothes are elastic or purposefully oversized so it didnt really matter.
​
My 21st birthday is next week so I went to Plato's Closet to find a shirt/dress to wear at the family dinner. While in the horrible dressing room with horrible lighting and horrible mirrors I had this weird moment. I was putting on size 1 dresses and easily zipping them up (which hasnt happened in a minute) while hating this beer-belly looking stomach I had put on. I had never hated my body more and it had nothing to do with the number on the tag. Im at home now and I was doing my self tan routine (which always makes me look skinnier) and looked at my pale stomach in the mirror and saw my ribs. Ive had ups and downs and ups and more downs with my body more in the last 6 hours than I have in the last week. I just feel weird.
My friends gave me the "you're getting too skinny" comments and a sick part of me felt really happy
/u/ImMissBrightside [5'2" | cw: 94 | gw: 90| 23f]
Created: Fri Oct 12 00:30:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nhwhg/my_friends_gave_me_the_youre_getting_too_skinny/
---
I was meeting up with some close friends of mine that I hadnt seen since like summer-ish. Normally I wear loose and baggier clothing and stuff, but since it was a hot night and we were just going to stay in my friend's house and watch movies, I wore a tighter long sleeve and shorts.
My friends saw me and (even though my weight barely went down since summer) started talking about how i was "too skinny" and was "kind of wasting away" at this point. One even jokingly asked if I was anorexic (ha, if only he knew), before getting serious and telling me I really should eat more.
I used the normal defense of just brushing it off and saying I'm fine and not *that* skinny, but a part of me felt really good. Not even a happy type of good, just...validated I guess? The satisfaction even pushed me to stave off all of the snacks, which they commented on again. I still feel ashamed in myself though. I shouldn't be feeling this way about legitimate concerns from people I love but...i do. I dunno if i can help it.
What are your experiences with this sort of thing?
[Rant/Rave] I wish I can get back into a restriction cycle.
/u/moonbootsz
Created: Fri Oct 12 00:07:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nhs8g/i_wish_i_can_get_back_into_a_restriction_cycle/
---
I feel unworthy of love, I feel like others are lying when they say I’m not ugly.
I’m legitimately fat, and I hate myself for getting out of a restriction cycle now all I do is eat eat and eat.
It’s so easy to keep going once you’ve been doing it but so so so SO hard to start. Why the fuck did I do this to myself, I was so close to GW1 (8 pounds away but let me say I was close)
[Rant/Rave] “You have to stop for the baby”
/u/applesauceistheenemy [5’10.5” | 140 | 19.5 | -70 lb | female]
Created: Thu Oct 11 23:47:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nho6p/you_have_to_stop_for_the_baby/
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Anyone else a parent? I am but only sorta—what I mean by that is I’m in a polyamorous relationship and my partners have a biological child who I’m partially responsible for. But they do almost everything for him; I work the most and bring home the bacon, that’s my role, so I buy him things but am not expected to do as much childcare since I work 40 hours a week instead of like 20 or less.
My female partner guilt trips me about any unhealthy behaviors I have a lot. She’s like “you have to eat, because you have to be strong for the baby”
“You can’t self harm because the baby will get older and see your scars”
“You can’t scream or cry or be hysterical ever or you’ll upset the baby”
“You can’t drink or smoke too much or you won’t be around for the baby”
Idk, I guess I’m just a shit parent? Like I should think to put him first, right? Like kids are other people’s reasons for recovery, right? It hasn’t worked like that for me. I’ve been unaffected by all that. I haven’t hurt him in any way and I do care for him and provide what he needs, but choosing to treat myself better “for his benefit” just doesn’t seem like a good enough incentive?
I still go to work when I don’t eat. I can still buy him things because of that. I’ve gotten better about self harming, but most of my scars come from before I was in this relationship to begin with. I’ve gotten better with smoking and drinking excessively, but I haven’t quit entirely.
Is it seen as abusive to be mentally ill with a kid? Like not abusing them or being neglectful of them, but abusing yourself, not in front of them, but like, they’ll find out eventually, somehow?
I see a lot of parents who say their kids are their reason for fighting, for getting up in the morning, for being a better person. Maybe it’s because he’s not biologically mine, but I feel absolutely none of that. None at all. Basically the only way I’ve become a better person is I’m a safe driver now and won’t drive if I’ve been drinking, if I’m too drowsy, and I don’t text and drive. Like, that’s it. I don’t find him an endless source of inspiration and joy like others seem to have with their kids.
I think I’m just broken. My parents weren’t particularly enraptured by my brother or myself, either. They were never proud of us for doing things as kids. They didn’t like children and found us irritating and stupid usually. Now I feel like I’m the same way in some ways. I don’t find my son irritating or stupid, and I am proud of him sometimes, and I can only hope I won’t tell him any of the fucked up stuff my parents told me, but like...
I’m a failure. I don’t want to get better for him. I don’t even want to get better for my own sake. I don’t feel “inspired to be a better person.” I was terrified I’d be an abusive parent and I haven’t been but it’s still not how I thought it would be. He doesn’t make me happy. I’m happy he exists and I’d be upset if he didn’t. But he’s not this endless source of joy. He’s just a person I have to care for right now.
Idk. I know it’s fucked up. Probably no one can relate. Even other people with the same mental illnesses I have say their kids are their reason for getting better. I don’t know what’s so broken about me.
[Rant/Rave] I lost my job, but at least I’m fucking skinny.
/u/sagittorius
Created: Thu Oct 11 23:45:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nhnx8/i_lost_my_job_but_at_least_im_fucking_skinny/
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Girrrrl just let me vent!
So, I just lost my job. I’ll get paid through the 18th, but might have to go back to the service industry for a tiny bit to make ends meet, and I’m feeling... emotions about it. So many. All of them. They come in waves. Anger, disillusionment, incredulity, sadness, fear, happiness, hope, optimism, resentment. Simultaneously thinking that my boss is a kind, benevolent, and successful person, and a complete fucking moron.
Bit of backstory:
I was hired as an ISA (unlicensed) in a real estate company, without having any experience (let alone success) in sales. My (former) direct supervisor severely sexually harassed me during my first two months with the company, after which I finally reported him and he was fired. Then, the owner of the company who had never been involved in my day-to-day, suddenly became my reluctant mentor because no one else was available/wanted to do it. This amounted to very little mentoring time and basically just being thrown to the wolves.
He gave me practically all the textbooks he owns and checked in periodically to find out what I’ve read.
Obligatory inflation(?) of my own self worth: I have always been a good student- As, some Bs, a couple high Cs. I’ve never failed a class. I’ve been challenged in classes, for sure, but I’ve never straight up failed because I’ve stopped trying or otherwise.
My dudes, I have failed at this job. I’m in motherfucking real estate and didn’t talk to any leads that have turned into transactions (yet) and I’ve been with this company for 8 months...
Granted, the first 2 months were a complete waste. That supervisor told me all sorts of batshit crazy things about the industry and spent 90% of his day trying to fuck, rather than mentor me.
I’ve been with this company since mid March. My fuck-wad of a supervisor was fired in May or June. I didn’t really start to get actual work done until after I got my license, in August.
I relapsed hardcore after my supervisor got fired. Like what the fuck man?! This asshole thought he could get away with that shit because I was kinda chubby (not really) with a mom-bod (actual curves) and I should be thankful for he attention?! Fuck! That!
No person should ever feel that that “should be thankful” for unwanted sexual attention. Ugh. But I digress.
I couldn’t help but to start purging all the time, including at work, because I was typically the only person in our entire office suite.
Then I decided to “get healthy” and I traded purging for restricting because restricting won’t kill me as quickly. I’ve lost 10 or so pounds (except I had a real dinner and a normal sized bowl of regular ice cream last night so maybe I gained it all back idk).
I don’t flirt with men in my office. I just do as I’m told, to the best of my ability. Oh, and my fucking role was never even clearly defined, I was told that I’m an ISA, but was asked to follow up diligently with every lead, An isa doesn’t have time to follow up diligently, and create drip campaigns from scratch, and set up CRM databases from the ground up. I DID ALL OF THOSE THINGS, and my position is being discontinued, but I’m allowed to stay as a “broker” now that I’ve been fired.
WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!!!!!!!!!
Binge eating/emotional eating...
/u/hidesnducks
Created: Thu Oct 11 23:34:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nhlrr/binge_eatingemotional_eating/
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Has taught me nothing but to avoid my problems. I already gained almost 50 lbs and I am tired of never confronting my issues head on. I need a break from it all and time to heal. Perhaps some sort of rebirth. I don't know but I am sure of one thing: I need to kill parts of myself that haunt me and cloud my judment. For the longest time, I been wanting to kill myself, but now I want to change myself into another person. So I need to kill parts of my current self and I will start with my gluttony first and work on being more discipline.
[Other] i don’t want to lose weight anymore but fuck i’m not thin enough
/u/duskedfur [5'7" | CW: 100 | 15.6 | UGW: 95 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 23:31:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nhl7f/i_dont_want_to_lose_weight_anymore_but_fuck_im/
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i just weighed in at 97 lbs and i’m only on hour 13 of this 24 hr fast. i don’t know why i do this to myself, i’m careening towards a bmi of 14 faster than i thought i was going to. i have no energy anymore even with caffeine and supplements but i can’t make myself maintain because i can’t eat normally whatsoever. i’m scared of the health problems i’m going to have if i keep this up, i’m scared that my family will find out and i’ll have to be put into treatment which will be expensive and will take me out of college which will be a ton of wasted money, but i’m the most scared of recovery. i don’t want to gain all the weight back that i spent so much time and effort losing. i don’t want to eat the garbage i ate before all this. i don’t want to be “average” or “healthy”, i want to be thin, but fucking apparently thin isn’t thin enough even though i’m killing myself. i don’t know what to do anymore
as a frank stan and someone with an ED, i feel personally attacked
/u/antha19 [5'6"| cw: 152lbs | bmi:24.63 | female]
Created: Thu Oct 11 23:27:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nhkc8/as_a_frank_stan_and_someone_with_an_ed_i_feel/
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https://v.redd.it/pz7v3wfn2mr11
[Rant/Rave] Starving, pulling an all nighter, and forgetting to drink water... ED or Torture Tactic 🤔
/u/ricemask [5'6" | HW:155 | UGW: 100 | 20F | 🍑: riceemask]
Created: Thu Oct 11 22:58:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nhehh/starving_pulling_an_all_nighter_and_forgetting_to/
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Yesterday I had nothing much to eat, but I had to pull an all nighter to finish an essay. I’m currently in bed, with the biggest headache in my life and through the day I felt like I was going to pass out. I forgot to drink water and I don’t like tap water around campus bc god knows when they were last sanitized. I also forgot to eat because of my Wellbutrin. I also had class until like 9pm and was getting really dizzy. Then I had a handful of goldfish crackers and then tomato soup and Diet Coke for dinner.
Fuck I feel like I close to death isn’t this a torture tactic in other countries?? Jfc I know it was only one day but literally so glad to be in bed lol
My grandma always calls me fat
/u/SweetPsycho221
Created: Thu Oct 11 22:55:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nhdzc/my_grandma_always_calls_me_fat/
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So I’m 14 and I was 190 I realized how big I was getting so I fasted on and off and now I’m 181.3 and I was just about to break my fast but decided against it when I was gonna eat a banana and my grandma took it from me and said what you eat sticks with you I told her I hadn’t eaten all day and she said that that was good because I wouldn’t wanna look like a slob as she took a bite of her ice cream. She always calls me fat and makes these comments on my weight telling me to never to eat until I’m full and to stop halfway
[Discussion] Post binge tips?
/u/coffeeisafood
Created: Thu Oct 11 22:54:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nhdoh/post_binge_tips/
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I’ve struggled with anorexia for years, always restricting and always in control. Recovered, but eventually got right back to the same old shit.
Today was the first day I have felt really...out of control...? Today was my first ‘binge’, I guess. Not like 500, but upwards of 4K calories or more. A lot of it wasn’t too terrible, but there was also a lot of cookies, fries, a burger, etc. It scared the shit out of me. It was so mindless and I couldn’t stop. I don’t want to go down the path of laxatives or purging, but it’s been hours and I still feel so fucking uncomfortable. Like the food is just sitting there. My stomach is huge, it hurts, and I can’t sleep. I’ve been drinking water, tea, etc. I wish I could go to the bathroom but I can’t.
What are your tips for post binge to help deal with the pain/bloating/guilt?
[Rant/Rave] I'm Unhealthy
/u/whitechocolateonly [5'8.5 | CW: 127 & BMI: 18.75 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 22:37:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nh9zo/im_unhealthy/
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This is something I've finally admitted to myself today.
After a year of restricting, binging, fasting, overexercising, and then basically living off 10 food for these past few months I'm finally feeling the effects. I'm either binging or fasting and tired all the time, no matter how much sleep I get or how much nutritional yeast I eat and this is only getting worse. My skin is dull and lifeless compared to 5-6 months ago when I was still fasting and restricting but my diet had more variety. My hair is dry, breaking off (I lost huge chucks of hair when I detanged the other day), and a small bald spot is forming. Plus I can barely make it more than 24 hours into a fast without feeling weak now and my period is currently almost a week late. While I'm losing weight, I don't feel or look good. It's not even that I look "too thin", I just look like a sick, average weight person.
I live off 9 safe foods and 5/9 are carbs. All the other healthy foods that I used to love are foreign and scary to me now. I ate a banana today and it was fucking nerve wracking. If you gave me a bowl of watermelon or grapes that I used to love right now and forced me to eat them I know I would have a panic attack. I've been helping my mom plan her diet and when she asked me if there was anything I wanted to eat I didn't even have an answer because I'm so used to eating so few things. My life feels so different now than it did a year ago and people around me are starting to catch on. And while I feel so hopeless and I can see (and feel) the damage that is being done to my body, I'm too attached my disorder and too afraid to change or stop.
[Intro] I'm a giant pig with an eating disorder
/u/Belldainty
Created: Thu Oct 11 22:27:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nh7tf/im_a_giant_pig_with_an_eating_disorder/
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Hi, I'm bell. I'm currently 208 pounds with a start weight of 222 pounds. My ugw is 95 pounds. Anywho here's my story.
I used to be healthy I always had body image problems but by the time I was 13 it was working itself out and I was thin. Then the anxiety and depression started rapidly progressing. I was hospitalized and put on a plethora of medications. One of which being an anti psychotic called zyprexa. This medications biggest side effect is that it makes you eat like crazy! I had a huge appetite and I couldn't wait to eat all the time. I gained 30 pounds in a month. Eventually i was taken off of it as it wasn't effective. But the eating soon turned into binge eating.
By the time I was 15 I weighed around 200 pounds. It was strange watching my stomach begin to flop over, my arms wiggle, and my skin become loose. I was becoming increasingly unhappy with my body and the world spun around me, I ate more gaining upwards of 20 more pounds. Around may of last year, I began to realize that there may be a fix to my binge eating. The purging. So it began, the cycle. After only a few times of purging, I realized how serious this was becoming and I told my school nurse about all of my eating problems. She called my dad and had a meeting with me my counselor and him. She recommended that I see a dietitian.
After about a few months of no progress and no insurance, I convinced my parents I was ok to stop seeing the dietitian. My parents wanted me to lose weight. They criticized my eating habits when chocolate disappeared. My dad still tells me that if I lose weight I'll be a real "knock out". And my brother makes Fat jokes about me all too often. So when I began recently exercising every day, eating a little over 1000 cals a day and logging everything I did with a fit bit type watch, they've been cheering me on. I've been taking it in strides. My mother even gave me a scale so I can weight myself in the morning. They believe I'm just trying to get fit, but my thoughts are quite disordered, and I dont know how to stop them. I'm falling apart, I'm unhappy, and I can't get a grip on reality. It's like these intrusive disordered thoughts, they're comforting. Like a cooing mother to a baby they classify me. Give me something else to think about. When the truth is, I'm miserable.
Well that was horribly depressing. Anywho, lovely meeting you all! Anyone is welcome to contact me, my messages are always open. Stay safe darlings!
~bell ♡
the little things keep me going honestly :’^)
/u/fairshine [5’5 | 129 bs | 🍑: fairshine]
Created: Thu Oct 11 22:03:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nh24j/the_little_things_keep_me_going_honestly/
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ok so i have just. been having the worst week. i’ve been stressed abt money and work and stuff so i’ve been binging like CRAY, subway on the damn daily, and i’m up like three pounds since my last weigh in and holy man do i ever want to die.
but i went to work today and my manager is visiting from mat leave, she left around two months ago to have her bb bean, and she brought the lil guy in to visit!
and she looks at me and the first words out of her mouth are “oh my god you look so good!!! have you been working out? you look absolutely amazing”
i could cry. i felt so good, i had a rye and full fat coke after work and didn’t even cry once.
it’s the little things y’all. happy thursday ❤️
I think I just purged
/u/cortizonegnome [5'3" | bingetastic CW: 107 | GW 97 | UGW 88 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 21:59:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nh0x9/i_think_i_just_purged/
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I'm sorry I just need to say this somewhere I'll probably delete it idk. I have an orgo exam in a few hours that I didn't know existed bc I've been too depressed to go to class regularly. It's midnight and I've just washed down my caffeine pill with some monster (I have pretty bad insomnia too but I'm trying not to smoke that ku$h anymore so it's a good night for me when I'm asleep before the sun rises) but it isn't making me awake it's just making my heart race and idk I binged bc I'm stressed and my hearts racing and I have c/s for so long that basically I can't really swallow food anymore I just naturally spit it up but its So Much going in that it's adding up and I feel queasy so I tried to sip some water and then I felt the normal c/s spit up (I'm sorry this is disgusting) come up and then like pure acid in my mouth and I have no gag reflex so I've never puked and idk man like is this what purging is. I know not all the food is out but it made me feel a tiny bit better and idk if it'll happen again bc again I have no gag reflex so it's not like I can make it happen but then again maybe I can and idk where I'm going w this but hey mom I just purged for the first time wowwee. actually also hey mom to my real mom bc when I was a lil kiddo she always told me to just go throw up when I ate too much and when I told her I didn't know how/couldn't she said (in Chinese) "what's the big deal it's not hard just use the back of a toothbrush" and opened a new toothbrush box and directed me to the bathroom. I didn't do it I couldn't but maybe I'll tell her abt my progress:---)
What the fuck is the point?
/u/xStingx
Created: Thu Oct 11 21:51:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ngz58/what_the_fuck_is_the_point/
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Eating and purging just to eat again.
I'm so stupid.
[Discussion] I wish I was fatter(or more muscular so-to-say)
/u/Belarie [5'4", 130, F :)]
Created: Thu Oct 11 21:46:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ngy5h/i_wish_i_was_fatteror_more_muscular_sotosay/
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Honestly I found out my weight is actually 127 and not 135 like I thought it was, and it doesn’t make me any happier, just more stressed. Because I look the exact same, just this is how I look at 127 and not 135. I’m 5’4”, and the lowest weight I’ll allow myself to go to is comfortably 95, and maybe 90 lbs. I have at the most 37 lbs to lose 6 inches of my waist, 2-4 inches on my biceps, hit my goal weights, and everything else good. I can’t do it in that much pounds. the amount of fat I want to lose is more than the pounds between my weight right now and my ugw. Anybody else feel like this? I kind of wish I was fatter now. Need to start gaining muscle. Fml.
[Other] This may be becoming a little too normal, lol
/u/elby122
Created: Thu Oct 11 21:36:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ngvv8/this_may_be_becoming_a_little_too_normal_lol/
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I was just walking around the house, brushing my teeth, and when I went into the bathroom to spit and rinse at the sink like a normal person, I automatically stopped and bent over the commode. Lol! I may need to cool it on the binge & purge...
Things you enjoy doing alone?
/u/loseitjen [5'8 |SW 140|CW ?!|GW 115| F21]
Created: Thu Oct 11 21:25:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ngtak/things_you_enjoy_doing_alone/
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So I have the entire day off tomorrow and will have no one to spend it with, what are some things you like to do alone (ideally out of the house)? If I'm at home I'll just binge but I also have slight irrational anxiety abt people staring at me when I'm alone in public?? I can get over that tho. Any suggestions welcome, I understand it depends on location!
[Discussion] Can anyone else relate to this?
/u/Babe-rahamLincoln [5'2" | CW: 110 | GW: 105 | UGW: 90 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 21:20:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ngs45/can_anyone_else_relate_to_this/
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So I’m sure like a lot of you I’m kind of obsessed with knowing peoples’ h/w/bmi haha.
So when I shop for clothes online I read reviews where girls will we like “I’m 5’2 and 100 pounds and a small fits perfectly!” Which is great for rly petite girls who have trouble finding clothes small enough.
Anyway, sometimes they attach pictures in the clothes and you can just tell that they’re lying about their weight because you’re so obsessive with knowing what certain BMIs look like. Like for instance someone posted a pic saying they were 5’9 and 115 lbs, which would be soooo skinny (17 BMI) but they looked way heavier like at least 20 pounds.
Just something I noticed haha. Maybe I’m just weird though because who would anonymously lie about their weight?
[Rant/Rave] really need some support rn (sort of long sorry)
/u/teenytokki [5'1|108.3lbs|20.5|-14.7lbs|F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 21:11:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ngppz/really_need_some_support_rn_sort_of_long_sorry/
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about a month ago i was hospitalized. 3-4 years of depression, anxiety, stress from ED, addiction, etc. culminated into me basically losing my mind in the first two weeks of my first college semester. i relapsed into my sleeping pill addiction, SHed, cried every day then felt numb for hours afterwards. it was a mess and i ended up attempting suicide, luckily failing, then showing up at the school psychologist's office the next day. she took one look at me and called an ambulance to send me to the hospital.
i was admitted to the child psychiatric ward for one week, and worked very hard to recover. i tried to keep my mind open and realized i couldn't live the rest of my life like this. the only thing i couldn't touch was my ED, but i felt so good in the weeks that followed i even considered recovering from that.
every day it gets better and easier, but as the months drag on my ED is back and better than ever. i think it truly does make me happy sometimes. however at other times, particularly rn, resisting a binge and praying i'll lose the water weight that magically appeared this morning, i'm afraid. when i get caught up in restricting and diet plans and thinspo i fall into the same dark, obsessive mindset that reminds me of how depressed i used to be. and it's only getting worse.
i sincerely want to recover. i love my life and i have so many exciting opportunities, and i am lucky to have a huge support system. but my ED is something very precious to me that i've shared with almost nobody. i have considered trying to recover from
my ED, but i can't. restricting makes me feel bad sometimes but eating a normal amount makes me feel 100x worse. even when i'm "done" (which i doubt i ever will be), i can't imagine eating more than OMAD, it genuinely sickens me. i guess i just need some support from people who understand, or advice from those are going through the same thing.
tl;dr recovering from depression, but ED poses risk at making me relapse or fall into a depressive thought pattern again
[Rant/Rave] I feel like I'm baited to make poor decisions
/u/penelopewonton
Created: Thu Oct 11 21:02:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ngnjj/i_feel_like_im_baited_to_make_poor_decisions/
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Like......
Our power went out just as I was about to cook dinner. (6pm) Steak and other stuff probably. Skipped dinner. Ate a can of sugar free peaches instead. Husband didnt eat at all.
I then had a *mild* binge of oreos and peanut butter crackers -___-
Hours later (945pm) husband brings up pizza, and how we should have ordered it for dinner. I agree, and he says "well its not too late, maybe something is open"
I felt weak and excited for pizza. I didnt care that I couldn't afford the calories. I mean, I had already ruined my day andbinged a bit, why not add some fucking pjzza.. I hopped on my phone so quick and looked up the nearest pizza delivery place. I told him papa johns was still open!
He condescendingly says "ummm.... I was just.. joking" I was instantly pissed. Then he goes on about how we obviously aren't going to order pizza and eat at this time of night, this is the worst time to eat, blah blah blah.
I felt embarrassed. Like he baited me, like he wanted the fatty to get excited about pizza so he could laugh at my desperation, and Make me feel even more like a failure. Like he was testing me, if that makes sense.
I feel like this so often. From everybody around me.
I fucking hate food. I hate that I'm weak and spineless when it comes to food. I'm ashamed. I'm failing.
[Rant/Rave] it’s one of those nights when you look at thinspo and cry
/u/speedayyyy [5’7 | CW 162 | BMI 25.28 | GW 120 | 21F| ]
Created: Thu Oct 11 21:01:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ngn4f/its_one_of_those_nights_when_you_look_at_thinspo/
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Fml. I’m going to get there eventually. I need to start exercising more. I need to restrict more. I need to fast for longer. 40 more fucking pounds to go and this has been the hardest to lose. Makes things worse that I’m getting my period so I’m weighing heavier and am super bloated and emotional :,( I just want to be skinny.. 52 pounds lost in 3 months is what I’ve accomplished so far but I need more. I need this.
[Help] Working out in bed??
/u/ihate-chicken [5’7” | CW:114 | 17.8 |]
Created: Thu Oct 11 20:57:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ngm3b/working_out_in_bed/
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No, not sexually hahah
Anyone have workouts they do when laying down in bed watching Netflix? I just feel guilty laying here relaxing and I feel like some movement is better than nothing... I’m sick of just lifting my legs up and down
[Help] How do I handle my ED and my boyfriend
/u/gatechnightman
Created: Thu Oct 11 20:47:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ngjtz/how_do_i_handle_my_ed_and_my_boyfriend/
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So I've been dating my best friend of four years for two months now. It's awesome. But of course, my ED controls everything.
I stay the night at his place on the weekends and he eats like a normal, regular person (how the fuck?! teach me). I have brought my own fruits and such to his place so I wouldn't have to eat out but now it's becoming a problem. He'll ask where I wanna get our meals from or what I want to eat... Nothing. I want to eat nothing. But obviously that's a little weird, and while fasting is the rage, I am underweight now and he's gonna notice that I fast every weekend (I can't fast during the week because people are watching.)
He's seen my self harm scars that cover my body so he knows I have issues, but how do I break this to him? How do I tell him I don't eat? Or how do I hide it from him? He's not the type to ask but he's gonna say something if I don't eat all weekend. Please help.
[Rant/Rave] Stream of consciousness
/u/NutelllaBellla
Created: Thu Oct 11 20:46:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ngjgw/stream_of_consciousness/
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I deserve to starve
Starving is novacane to me. It leaves me with just enough energy to get some things done, but not enough to indulge in emotions
I deserve this punishment. I deserve restriction
Restriction leaves me barely here, and that is exactly what I crave
I deserve to shrink. To become smaller and quieter as everyone around me becomes louder and more demanding
*Ethereal*. That is my favorite word
I can only be ethereal if I'm thin
I want to be always on my way out, no one can catch me
I want to be silent. I want the disorder to speak for me. To do all the talking that I have become to exhausted to do
Because who listens to me anyways?
I'm nothing. So I deserve to eat, nothing
[Rant/Rave] When looking at yourself in the mirror makes you wanna binge.
/u/edthrowaway12121
Created: Thu Oct 11 20:45:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ngjba/when_looking_at_yourself_in_the_mirror_makes_you/
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So I’ve been having a binge month. It’s one of those times where I don’t realize how much I’ve binged till I find out I’ve only successfully restricted like three days this month so far. I just discovered probably my biggest trigger:
Looking at myself in the mirror after several days / weeks of binging. Seeing the water weight piled onto where you swore it’d never come back again. Today I’ve been so good. Finally under 1200 calories. Just went to prepare for a bath, saw my body and holy crap. My first binge though came from looking at the product of binging. HOW IS THIS A THING
You’d think seeing myself at the worst I’ve been in months would be super motivating but instead it makes me wanna binge more ... why?! And equally when I’ve been amazing at restricting, ill look in the mirror and feel on top of the world. Just why, ED. No logic.
When I go out
/u/howtograss
Created: Thu Oct 11 20:36:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ngh07/when_i_go_out/
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My fav game to play is spot the girl with the ED
[Rant/Rave] 1000 is too much
/u/vctrlcs [5'7" | CW: 128 | BMI: 19.9 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 20:00:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ng7yr/1000_is_too_much/
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I haven’t posted here in a while because I was trying to eat semi-normally for a while but im back and somehow worse than ever. I used to restrict to 1200, sometimes 1300, which was 1-1.5 lbs per week because I’m tall.
but now I have my goal on mfp at 1000 and even that seems super high to me. If i go over 600 I start to freak out and feel like a fat slob and like I’m faking an eating disorder, which i know is insane at an 1100+ cal deficit but i am a nervous wreck.
i really just needed to rant a lil, thank u guys for listening. dae experience this??
[Rant/Rave] My friend doesn’t believe I’ve lost as much weight as I actually have.
/u/modest_butt
Created: Thu Oct 11 19:55:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ng6jl/my_friend_doesnt_believe_ive_lost_as_much_weight/
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I’ve been restricting for five months now. Not super strict (900cal a day with 1-2 binges a week), but I’ve lost 35lbs. Today, I saw a friend that I haven’t seen in about three months. She knows I’m “dieting” and today she asked how much I’ve lost since I began. I told her the truth because I’m not underweight or even normal weight, so my progress is still considered “good” for someone that’s “dieting”.
And she said, “Oh no, probably more like 15lbs? You still have a tummy, but you’ve definitely lost face weight.”
I still feel massive. Despite knowing I’ve lost 35lbs and 5” around the fattest part of my hips, I still feel the exact same. I look the exact same, to me. And her comment has cemented it for me that I do indeed look the same, to everyone else. My arms haven’t budged at all and they’re my biggest insecurity. They’re the size on my fucking calves. I am still a giant fatty blob and will forever be a giant fatty blob, even if I lose 70lbs. I’ve restricted all day since seeing her because I know I’m going to see her again in like two weeks and I want to be another -5lbs by then.
[Help] I need help
/u/katkicksthesky
Created: Thu Oct 11 19:42:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ng3aj/i_need_help/
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I'm going on vacation with my bf and his mom and I know it's going to be weird if I don't eat around them. What can I do? Im so terrified of gaining weight back.
Does anyone NOT secretly hate fat people?
/u/ChubbyBunny8 [5'2" | CW 140|GW 98 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 19:39:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ng2je/does_anyone_not_secretly_hate_fat_people/
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Or is it literally everyone in the entire world? About once a month on this sub, there's someone whining about how they hate fat people, but they just can't help it! poor them! It's not their fault, they just have these feels about how gross and terrible fat people are. Cue 50 comments about OMG same! I feel so bad about it tho!
And it's not just here. Regular ass subs, like r aww, will randomly have these "I hate fat people but I feel bad about it" comments. Like feeling bad makes you a sympathetic person. JFC.
Is this everyone? I hate the fact that I'M fat but I truly don't care about anyone else's size. And don't get me started on the "but my tax dollars" arguments.
I'm just annoyed and feel kinda shitty that everyone seems to hate me for something that I already hate myself about.
[Rant/Rave] DAE hate when people are eating and make enjoyment noises?
/u/its_freaking_bats [5'7" | CW 125 | BMI 19.6 | GW 120 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 19:25:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nfyor/dae_hate_when_people_are_eating_and_make/
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I get irrationally angry when people are eating and I hear them make comments or noises that express that they are enjoying their food. Like “mmmm” or “this is so good” while their mouths are still full of food. It makes me feel like restricting even more.
[Rant/Rave] The universe is telling me to restrict
/u/coconutfi [5'9" | 17.1 | 21F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 19:22:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nfy1f/the_universe_is_telling_me_to_restrict/
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Driving to spend the weekend with my boyfriend. Hit a new low weight yesterday and am in the 16's. As I'm driving I'm debating whether I should try and get away with restricting or let myself splurge for a few days.
I kid you not I passed an electronic construction sign that said "RESTRICT ED" because the whole word couldn't fit on one line.
It took my messed up brain a few minutes to realize it meant to say "restricted". Literally a sign. Restricting it is👍🏻
[Rant/Rave] Good asf day and I wanna tell people who get it!
/u/standingbymountains
Created: Thu Oct 11 19:22:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nfxtx/good_asf_day_and_i_wanna_tell_people_who_get_it/
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Went to the psychologist and was referred to to an MD for ADHD- which means A. My anxiety and stress due to lack of focus will be helped and B. My INSANE binge eating will hopefully stop.
Took a bronkaid today and restricted for the first time in *weeks* pretty effortlessly and I could honestly cry I’m so happy to not lose my shit around food for once.
Things are actually looking up.
[Rant/Rave] Roommate thinks he can bully me out of my ED lmao
/u/angerypeech
Created: Thu Oct 11 19:20:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nfxip/roommate_thinks_he_can_bully_me_out_of_my_ed_lmao/
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So I room with my best friend at uni and I think he actually cares about me but his ED logic is infuriating.
He constantly tells me I was so pretty when I was a healthy weight and feels the need to tell me I have no curves/ass/tits like 24/7. It's like his main source of humor. I mean, I make jokes about looking like a 12 year old boy every so often but this is exhausting.
I know where he's coming from but it feels like he thinks he's entitled to tell me how I can be most attractive. I have a boyfriend who accepts me as I am but the roomie is constantly on about "I'm not attracted to you because you're too thin" like I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE ATTRACTED TO ME EITHER WAY PLEASE AND THANK. YOU HAVE ZERO SAY.
It's getting to me. Not even because the comments offend me (which they don't, I'm gonna continue losing either way) but how the hell is it cool to tell me that I should gain weight so you'll find me attractive?!
idk fuck normies. just needed to rant
[Intro] Talk
/u/HotMessCentral [5'2.5" | 97 | 17.5 | -4.5 | F(Recovery)]
Created: Thu Oct 11 19:17:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nfwj1/talk/
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Hey everyone
I've been kinda wanting to talk to someone who gets it. Hit me up via chat if you're interested
My interests/qualities:
* Being a failure pos
* Memes
* Coping with tragedy through memes
* Being a useless gay
* Volleyball
* Smartish but also a dumbass
* Taylor Swift (Queen)
* Liberal
I miss Fruta Planta
/u/smash__lampjaw
Created: Thu Oct 11 18:53:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nfqa8/i_miss_fruta_planta/
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Does anyone else remember that stuff from back in the day? The only time I was thin in my life was when I was popping those pills.
Whenever someone says, "there's no such thing as an actual weight loss pill" I think back longingly to the Fruta Planta days lol.
[Discussion] The best feeling- a successful day one of a fast
/u/AtypANA [5'9 | CW 205.0 | HW 220 | LW 120 | GQ 🏳️🌈]
Created: Thu Oct 11 18:43:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nfnpp/the_best_feeling_a_successful_day_one_of_a_fast/
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https://i.redd.it/fhlha8aminr11.png
[Rant/Rave] Finally losing weight/ no binges and here is how
/u/NutelllaBellla
Created: Thu Oct 11 18:39:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nfmnt/finally_losing_weight_no_binges_and_here_is_how/
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Eating 1,000 calories daily
Sticking to same EXACT food each day: protein bars before the gym, fasting after that until afternoon, and eating 93% lean Turkey breast for dinner... sometimes with a bit of bbq sauce.
Gym every morning, and walking to campus no matter what.
Daily weigh ins in the morning.
Listening to a thinspo playlist on spotify while browsing ProED.
Brushing my teeth after eating my last meal.
Going to sleep when I'm extremely depressed instead of eating.
Watching food review videos and Matt Stonie on YouTube when I'm craving food, but only once I'm in bed and my teeth are brushed so I don't binge.
Sucking sugar free Werthers caramels
Coffee... lots of it.
[Rant/Rave] Lmao i hate commercials
/u/ManWithTheHands [6'5" | HW-333 CW-242 GW-220 | 26.68 (so close) | -92 | 19M]
Created: Thu Oct 11 18:32:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nfkpp/lmao_i_hate_commercials/
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Me: "I have myself lmao, I could stand to lost weight anyways" *goes back to restricting hardcore*
Entire world:"heY DID yOu kNow YOu caN Get a SHIt toN of FasT fO0d foR liKE No monEY!!??!?1??1?!?"
I'm so fat lmao, I have a hard time even seeing or hearing about junk food
[Rant/Rave] what the actual fuck is happening to me rn
/u/skeletonsofawhale [5'2| 130| -55 | 18F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 18:30:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nfk17/what_the_actual_fuck_is_happening_to_me_rn/
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I normally eat 200 cals a day.
On monday I ate 1900.
On tuesday I ate 1500.
Yesterday I ate 1200.
Today I was sitting at a nice 900 today, and was ALREADY FULL too, but then I was like "hey you know what what would be cool? Some fucking bread and cheerios" and now I'm at 1580.
My maintence is 1600 so I know I'm not gaining any weight but GODDAMN how in the actual fuck do I get back in the program? I used to have such amazing self-control and I can feel myself slipping. I have to go back to restriction soon.
I used to love fasting, I used to love the feeling of ignoring the dinner that my parents made for me. I used to get full off of a single smoothie. Today I had 5 fucking meals. Five!!! Plus the idea of fasting is becoming bleh to me. What is happening????????
I've lost a shit ton of weight and I'm fairly happy with my body now, but I have more weight to lose. I mean, technically, I'm really just putting my weight loss on pause, but it's still scary as fuck. I want the weight gone FAST. To slow down my progress, even if it's just for a week is scary. I need to get back in the mojo, but there's a part of me that really doesn't want to, and now I'm scared that I'll relapse into BED.
[Rant/Rave] I hate my height
/u/Moose--And--Squirrel
Created: Thu Oct 11 18:25:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nfipg/i_hate_my_height/
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I'm 5 foot 4, and I would do anything to just be like 5 foot 7 or above. I feel like I'm so short, and even though my legs are a normal proportion to the rest of my body it kills me because I want so badly to have these like amazing long legs. Sometimes it's really discouraging to me, because I feel like no matter what I get my weight to it won't really matter, because I can't make myself taller. I never used to care until I realized that like every celebrity I want to look like is like 5 foot 8 minimum. Lol I curse the day I even noticed it.
I have been doing so well with restricting for the past two weeks!
/u/robreinerismydad [5’9”| 177| F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 18:19:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nfh7a/i_have_been_doing_so_well_with_restricting_for/
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Hope I’m not jinxing it. I’m doing 1000 calories a day and rocking it. Even last weekend! I never am able to restrict on weekends but I did it. Tonight we went out for thai food and I just picked at some veggies and shrimp. First goal weight is 160 and then we’ll see where I go from there.
revised
/u/lazylioness
Created: Thu Oct 11 18:17:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nfgr0/revised/
---
https://imgur.com/vqpZei1
[Rant/Rave] my new boyfriend has anorexia
/u/arsenicswimmingpool
Created: Thu Oct 11 18:05:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nfd81/my_new_boyfriend_has_anorexia/
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i'm (kinda) recovered but at a really shitty point in my life fyi so relapse is imminent anyway
it almost feels like a competition? he is VERY frail and much further along than I since I have been in recovery. but again i have been in a horrible point in my life so i am more susceptible to catching on to these behaviors again. i love him and i really want to support him but i am not in a state of rational mindset to see past my eating disorder. i don't know. obviously i am not going to try and change him or anything but i know how fucking hellish my ED was at it's peak + he is such a smart sensitive guy and it hurts me to see him suffering. plus i always feel shitty bc i gained most of the weight back and i am overweight now. so i'm secretly convinced he finds me fucking disgusting which further fuels my ED brain. i love him and want him to be healthy but we both feel that urge to partake in ED behaviors and shit (at least he doesnt pressure me to go out and eat lol)
i'm just at a loss for how to feel i guess
[Rant/Rave] Debating buying cigarettes right now
/u/ShannonAnon
Created: Thu Oct 11 17:54:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nfa73/debating_buying_cigarettes_right_now/
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I stopped smoking last spring (read: I don’t buy packs but I also don’t decline if offered a drag ha) and I’m glad I did because I know it’s terrible for you, I smoke so much weed already, and I hate the smell that lingers forever.
But I really want to buy a pack. Idk why. I just really really want one right now. 7/11 is across the street. But a pack is 20, and 20 is a lot of cigarettes, and I have poor self control.
I want to say that if I buy one pack I won’t buy another when I finish it, but I can’t promise, and I don’t want to get back into that habit.
I restricted for over 48 hours (my first fast over 24 hours!) and broke it with vodka (no it’s fine, it’s totally healthy, it’s “fasting” ok, and now I’m loading up on carbs ok?) and I just want a damn American Spirit.
I don't know what to do
/u/IDontLikeLollipops
Created: Thu Oct 11 17:41:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nf6kn/i_dont_know_what_to_do/
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I gave myself knee tendonitis when I went to hard jogging a week and a half ago. Since then I haven't been able to move properly (I'm an obsessive walker, and I haven't even been able to move enough to clean my own damn apartment), which has been freaking me out.
If I go to the doctor it will cost me like a hundred dollars, and they'll give me a z pack, which is steroids, and make me ravenously hungry for 2-3 days (like 3000+ calories and still hungry level hungry when I'm usually satiated on ~1000), but I'll be better within a week.
If I don't go to a doctor I'll have another 3+ weeks of not being able to move and pain.
I honestly have no idea which option is better or what I should do... I'm tired of hobbling but I'm also poor and love restricting...
[Discussion] comments people have made that stuck
/u/poppybasket [5’10 | cw130 gw 115 | 17F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 16:57:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9neujs/comments_people_have_made_that_stuck/
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mine are:
third grade, from somebody’s mom while i was eating some halloween candy on a field trip “keep eating like that and you won’t be twiggy anymore!” (that was my nickname in primary school)
seventh grade, from a ‘class clown’ dude in my english class “shut up you anorexic lesbian bitch” + later, “long neck ass bitch”
sophomore year, from a girl who was on my team for a year until she graduated “yeah the new uniforms are cute even though you’re built so weird”
this year, from my english teacher as i was complaining to my friend about how ridiculously cold his room is “hey, maybe wear a sweater or bring a hot beverage or eat more”
there are more but these sashay into my brain most often, what are some of the annoying remarks about your body/food habits that stick with you?
[Help] How to break a plateau?
/u/lostandlonley333 [5"2 | CW:108 | 19.9 | -30.6| F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 16:57:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9neue1/how_to_break_a_plateau/
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I've been stuck at 49.3kg (108lb) for a week and a half now and I don't know how to break this plateau. I have been restricting at 1000 cals a day and have even tried binging and fasting to try get the woosh effect thing but nothing has worked.
What have you guys done that has effectively worked to break a plateau?
If you think we're disordered...
/u/iamsplendid [bingy | 6'3" | S: 340 C: 225 G: 160 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 16:50:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nesmq/if_you_think_were_disordered/
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There is a live channel on Reddit right now, with 100k viewers atm, where users are counting to God knows what number. They were in the upper 9 millions last I saw. It's literally nothing but users tossing numbers into the thread, +1 each time.
And people think we're fucked up.
[Rant/Rave] vacation and maintenance 💀
/u/crossdressingcarp [5’10 | 20 | f | cw: 🐘 | 🍑🌱🐻]
Created: Thu Oct 11 16:40:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9neppl/vacation_and_maintenance/
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im on vacation with my best friend right now and decide to just not worry about calories as much, eat around maintenance and have a good time.... but i feel miserable and like i have gained a million pounds — but the silver lining is that at least i have enough calories left to drink that sorrow away though 😎
[Help] Forced recovery?
/u/BluntCakes_
Created: Thu Oct 11 16:39:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nepkj/forced_recovery/
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So... I’m currently being made to follow a meal plan (TBD), not excercise, meet with a team, all of that... or I’ll be forced out of school. And I’m terrified. I’m terrified I won’t be able to do it, or that I’ll gain weight, or that I’m just being a burden on everyone around me. I don’t know what to do but I CANNOT leave college right now. I’m also not ready yet to stop losing weight, I was 1/2 a pound from being underweight. With frequent checkups and all of that, is there any way I can get around this? Keep losing despite it all and get to remain in school? I just need advice and support right now, I feel so lost...
[Discussion] is anyone else already planning on a massive cheat day for halloween? what do you want to eat? 🎃
/u/pistachiocreams [63"| 105.5 | -18 | F :pupper:]
Created: Thu Oct 11 16:35:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9neodv/is_anyone_else_already_planning_on_a_massive/
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Please help! Is there any chance this is over 1000 cal?
/u/lilmdjd [5’3 | CW: 130 | BMI: 23 | LW: 94| - 17| 23F ]
Created: Thu Oct 11 16:32:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9neno2/please_help_is_there_any_chance_this_is_over_1000/
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https://i.redd.it/1cwky46avmr11.jpg
How easy do you find restricting? Also I think I'm under-estimating my calorie intake.
/u/mentalcasethrowaway [1.71m | SW: 69.7kg | CW: 65.7kg | GW: 60kg, 54kg, 50kg | F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 16:20:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nejz5/how_easy_do_you_find_restricting_also_i_think_im/
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I started my current restriction regime a week ago and I'm really worried that I'm not doing it right because in theory I should be starving right now but I feel fine.
I haven't been hungry once. What gives?? I feel the same as I ever am but my calorie count for the past few days is:
884
628
640
475
(going from 3 days ago to today). 800 is my daily limit, which I thought would be hard but I've brought it further and further down each day and today I ate a meal that I didn't even want. It was 120g of rice with pork and vegetables that I didn't even need or desire. MyFitnessPal says it was 301kCal. Shouldn't it be way more than that? I mean it's still like less than half of what I usually eat. But if I hadn't eaten it I could have written 174 on my daily log instead of 475.
I have also lost 4kg in five days, which seems ridiculous. Am I just finding it easy because it's the first week? Will the hunger kick in soon? Every low-cal diet page on the internet warns that it's really hard and that I'm likely to 'break' quickly. I'm so scared of that happening. I don't want to give up! I secretly hope that I'm some kind of superhero who doesn't feel hunger easily, or that the reasons I'm doing this have overridden any feelings of hunger in my brain.
[Rant/Rave] The more weight I lose, the more fat I look... and the more I hate myself.
/u/aliswho [5'10.5 | CW: 127.1lbs | GW: 91lbs | 16F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 16:04:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nefb0/the_more_weight_i_lose_the_more_fat_i_look_and/
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I went down two jean sizes but I look more bloated for some reason, I actually look fatter. I don't get it, I've lost so much weight but I still feel like a huge whale? WHAT?! This doesn't sound very logical but the more weight I lose, the more I hate myself because I feel fatter!
Does anybody else have this problem?!
[Rant/Rave] Can i just talk about christmas eve of two yesrs ago
/u/onepostforme
Created: Thu Oct 11 15:58:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nedk3/can_i_just_talk_about_christmas_eve_of_two_yesrs/
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So we do Christmas Eve at my grandma's and she always gets lasagna from this small Italian restaurant. That year she also got some Italian meets (salami is my weakness) and Italian cookies along with a big tray of salad covered in oranges and sliced tomatoes. I always get dressed up for Christmas and I was at a pretty low weight for me at the time probably 100# maybe a little less and I'm 5'2" so that's just the top of underweight, nothing scary these people saw me at 80 some odd pounds get a feeding tube the year before when I had c-diff that caused smas. Like we all know I'm supposed to be 108 so I have a "safety net" but I like myself at 106 and love how I look in the double digits. The point is I was skinny sure but let's not go thinking I was dangerously skinny and when my sister (same height or close enough) weighed about 100# nobody cared or was worried or anything.
My sister and I always get dressed up for Christmas Eve and I blew her out of the water that year (she saw what I was wearing and suddenly decided to change so that made me feel good). I wore a red mini bodycon style skirt with a black cropped top and theigh high black socks with black pumps. I looked and felt awesome and hadn't eaten all day so I wouldn't feel so bad about the inevitable two day binge.
So I'm at Grandma's standing in the kitchen getting my food and she never just sits down and eats she's always got to do something so it was just me and her in the kitchen as everyone else had grabbed their food and was in the living room/on the porch. I'm loading up my plate with a massive portion of lasagna with loads of extra marana and parm on top and then a little pile of cured meats on the side and some more bread with olive oil and parm. Left the salad because I don't like strawberries or oranges. And I'm grabbing a ginger ale and grandma is all "one post are you okay?" Yeah grandma I'm good you should get some food and come sit down with us, why do you ask? "You look so skinny I was worried you might be sick." No grandma I'm okay really I feel great (and inside I'm screaming at her to shut up because I don't want them all to watch me any closer but also yay I'm sick skinny!).
Okay go to the living room sit by boyfriend put down plate and start to eat. My 'aunt' says "onepost, you look so sexy" thank you "no really you look like a Victoria secret model" oh thank you but I'll never be as tall as them ( internally oh my God I'm skinny! Oh my God she says I look like a VICTORIA SECRET MODEL!!!!!!!!!). Then she started to get wierd because that's who she is "oh onepost's bf, how do you feel having such a sexy girlfriend?" In front of my dad my grandpa my sister my uncle... He brushed it off saying something about how it's nice. Then she started to get upset I think. She asked me how I lost the weight I told her calorie counting which is something she already knew. Everyone knows I'm calorie counting, some think it's obsessive but typically keep it to themselves. This fucking bitch "how many calories are in that soda?" 124, it says it on the can "and that's a lot of bread that's a lot of calories too" yeah it is a lot of calories it's probably roughly 100calories and then I added roughly a table spoon of olive oil so that's 120cal and then maybe a little under half an ounce of cheese I'd guess so that's probably another 50-60 cal (internally: please stop talking about this I'm trying to eat!). More time goes on more food is eaten by more people, she's bitching about her gastric bypass and how she regained a lot of the weight, guys this woman was trying to force herself to eat a full cheese burger she streached it back out because she was bitching that she couldn't eat as much. Like. Anyway she's still talking about calories and she's like not reading the room and she takes another little jab at me, she says "onepost you'll gain it back too, you've had a lot of calories." I flipped and spoke a bit too firmly and said I'm not going to ruin everything with one day, one day of not restricting my calories won't make me gain the weight back because it's one day and it's been a long time since I've eaten like this, and I didn't loose all the weight in one day so I won't gain it all back in one day. My dad thankfully said "that's right" and nodded very approvingly. He's obese but he understands how I've lost weight and he's the one person in my family that didn't question CICO and actually was very proud of me because he is a scientist and therefore loves logic based methods of weight loss. Finally 'aunt' stopped.
Tldr fuck you if you call me skinny or worry about me but fuck you if you don't and fuck you if you want to talk about calories and fuck you if you don't and please don't take our feelings about your body and make it my fucking problem and don't fucking compliment me if you then get jealous like why wtf fuck family gathering all this would have been so different if these were friends ugh
/Rant
Being ok with eating more?
/u/doses_and_neuroses
Created: Thu Oct 11 15:47:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9neabx/being_ok_with_eating_more/
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Have any of y’all had success with increasing calorie goals and feeling ok about it? This time last year I was doing about 1000/day but now anything more than 500 feels like a failure. Which is just so fucking stupid because now inevitably if I eat more than 500 it triggers b/p which is so much worse than just eating 1000.
Help lol
Just went through my bank statement. Spent over $500 eating out/binge eating last month...
/u/AllAnchorsAway
Created: Thu Oct 11 15:37:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ne7if/just_went_through_my_bank_statement_spent_over/
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I kind of went off the deep end due to stress and traveling. I have been having so much fun on the road with friends (like six road trips in the past two months), but when I'm alone again I'll eat 2-3 fast food meals at once. I hate myself.
​
Gotta get back on the horse this month... Can't afford anything else.
[Rant/Rave] The struggle between wanting to be -5 pounds and not being weak as shit (also, hi, I’m new here)
/u/still_not_clever
Created: Thu Oct 11 15:35:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ne720/the_struggle_between_wanting_to_be_5_pounds_and/
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I want to start by saying I’ve been lurking here for a while, few times a day... all of your support is amazing. I relate to so much here. I’ve been in a lot of self denial - telling myself i’m perfectly fine and my habits are fine, but then fasting for days after only eating 1000 calories. Meticulously counting, being afraid to eat or getting frustrated at my second half for giving me a choice of eating after I got to 28hrs of fasting.. when I didn’t want to have a choice... because it stresses me out and given a choice, I don’t want to eat and that makes him stress about me 🙃
The relationship with food is rocky to say the least.
Anyways. I’m 5’0.5 and currently weight 103 lbs. I SHOULD be 99 (and wish I could get even more under but it feels impossible when this short) but I’ve been eating more lately cause my will power has been shit (and then restricting or fasting) so I’m waiting for some kind of WOosh in the weight to make me feel better and back to normal but it ain’t happening.
ON TO WHY IM MAKING THIS POST
I want to have slim legs. That is all I’ve ever wanted. I lost 20 pounds and they are still thicc af. I thought that once I got to 100 lbs, I’d look amazing and could just workout and have the HoT bod I’ve always dreamed of
Instead, the muscles in my legs from all my running make my legs only look thicker (How did this even happen at a deficit????)
But, if I restrict more, I will lose my muscle and any work i’ve put into it so far will go to nothing
I also wouldn’t be able to work on gaining any strength
BUT when I work on it, as soon as I gain anything, I freak out and restrict ASAP
when I eat at maintenance to compromise i just end up gaining weight
I know I know
it might be water weight.. it’s muscle...etc etc
but like. I feel bloated. I feel like I can see the extra weight everywhere. I feel ugly when the scale goes up at all
I do martial arts and everyone is a higher weight than me. I feel good being smaller, but everyone just crushes me too cause i’m weak. I want to be small. I want to be tiny. But I also want to be strong and kick some ass.
It seems there is no way to get there with this ED thinking. I can’t gain weight because I feel like shit. I don’t want to lose more because I feel like shit. BUT i also want to lose more to get the body I imagine in my head.
Everyone says I look thin now and whatnot. But I don’t see it. I just have huge legs.
Okay, sorry for disorganized or disordered (heh) rant :(
What do you guys do to combat this back and forth thinking with working out and eating??
i need a buddy
/u/itsoobak
Created: Thu Oct 11 15:27:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ne4p2/i_need_a_buddy/
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[removed]
[Discussion] DAE feel like a failure if they eat when they're hungry?
/u/fishonthesun
Created: Thu Oct 11 15:26:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ne44s/dae_feel_like_a_failure_if_they_eat_when_theyre/
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Mods can you tag this as a discussion please? I'm on mobile
So there's a bit more than just the title. Does anyone feel okay eating at "mealtimes" when they're not hungry? I do, and I think it's because I know I'll eat less when I'm not physically hungry, and it feels like I'm controlling the eating because I'm not doing it out of hunger. But if I eat at mealtime when I am hungry I feel like I've failed because I've "given in" and letting the hunger control me.
This is all separate from any binging I do. If I binge, whether I'm hungry or not, I just hate myself.
So, does anyone relate to that? I feel like I see stuff that's opposite to how I feel so I wanna know if I'm alone in that.
Do you think this could be more than 1000 cal?
/u/lilmdjd [5’3 | CW: 130 | BMI: 23 | LW: 94| - 17| 23F ]
Created: Thu Oct 11 15:24:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ne3p5/do_you_think_this_could_be_more_than_1000_cal/
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https://i.redd.it/zvq8qve3jmr11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] Even when I restrict and exercise, I still feel like a failure.
/u/justadumbkid1 [5’5|145.2 lbs|-40|23.7 BMI|F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 15:24:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ne3n6/even_when_i_restrict_and_exercise_i_still_feel/
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Does anyone else relate? Its like, sure, I only ate 300 calories and I burned ~800 calories on the stationary bike at the gym today, but maybeee I shouldn’t have eaten that 120 calorie fiber bar for breakfast, or I should have burned an extra 100 or 200 calories on the bike?
Damn I am fucked up lol 😂
[Other] Aaaa I’m out of here cya
/u/blmatsuu [5'2 🍁 92.5 🍁 16.9 🍁 -58]
Created: Thu Oct 11 15:11:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ndzk2/aaaa_im_out_of_here_cya/
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I’ve pretty much lived here the past few months; this is a really nice community and you absolute fuckin angels have supported me through so much and I appreciate you all a ton :’)
But after therapy threatening to hospitalise me and making me get weekly blood tests and ECGs and kicking me out of DBT therapy, I’ve realised I should chill with the weight loss and try to ‘recover’. I don’t want to but I’m miserable, losing weight is one of the only things I’m decent at and now that options been taken away from me and there’s nothing else to do but give in and at least try to maintain.
I’ve been eating a lot more than usual, and even though I’ve felt guilty it’s been nice. This week I’ve had so many foods I’ve not let myself had in months, even years, and it’s made me realise how much I missed being able to eat whatever I want whenever I want. But I’m not letting myself get overweight this time. I’ll stick to 1200-1500 calories a day which should be enough to maintain but still be able to have a bit of junk and stuff.
I’m scared of what the future’s going to be like and I hope I can prove to therapy that yes, I’m competent enough to restart the DBT and yes, I can maintain my weight and no, I don’t need blood tests.
But as long as I’m doing this kinda-recovery thing I want to distance myself from ED subreddits and mpa and all that shit. I love being here but now I can’t restrict and I’m not losing I feel like I don’t really belong here. I’ll probably be back one day, but for now it’s time to unsub.
Thanks for everything and all the support y’all have given me, I’m off to have a burger and fries and ngl I’m fucking excited for once in my life haha. Peace out, cya later ✌️
Visiting my parents overnight tomorrow - I can only restrict
/u/gayprincess96
Created: Thu Oct 11 15:04:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ndxhd/visiting_my_parents_overnight_tomorrow_i_can_only/
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Plan is to fast all day until teatime & then have ~400cal meal & a cheeky 2l water, I really wanna purge too but they’ll hear me and there won’t be any point if I wait until Saturday and this is the worst :( I know the shitty comments are coming up too and I just want to be so underweight I scare people but I don’t want people to see me at all until I hit my GW but my parents friends are over tomorrow night too, I should never have agreed to go and stay 💔💔
If anyone’s looking for a good TDEE calculator....
/u/areddittoshowoff [161cm | C: 60kg | G: 54kg | -14kg | F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 15:01:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ndwgi/if_anyones_looking_for_a_good_tdee_calculator/
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[This one is really good.](https://damnripped.com/tdee-calculator/) It uses your daily activity AND your exercise level to figure it out. It feels more accurate!!
[Rant/Rave] I'm pretty sure some of my friends know i have these issues
/u/audreyhepburnwho [no binge October~ Halloween goal 68kg cw 73kg]
Created: Thu Oct 11 14:59:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ndvvn/im_pretty_sure_some_of_my_friends_know_i_have/
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And i dont want them to - but I'm pretty sure they do and sometimes i wonder why none of them has asked me about it. I've been over here slowly killing myself for a decade and at some points in my life i was almost open about it. Maybe they're used to my sense of humor. Maybe when i say i hope i starve to death so I don't have to worry about calories they think it's just a joke. Maybe when I say I'm surprised ive made it to 25 years of life they think it's a quirky remark... Why has no one seriously asked about it though. Rationally, i know they probably have their own shit going on. But emotionally, i kinda wish someone would force me to talk about this because it feels fucking lonely. I just wish sometimes that someone would KNOW, without me having to say it, and they would tell me i can reach out when shit gets real. I have some amazing friends but the last thing i wanna do is force my mental baggage on them. Happy mental health day guys...
[Rant/Rave] SO CLOSE TO A GOAL AND I JUST WANT TO BINGE
/u/whydiepizzapie
Created: Thu Oct 11 14:51:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ndtcm/so_close_to_a_goal_and_i_just_want_to_binge/
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I've been navigating though the terrible 130s for like 3 weeks now, been restricting around 300 Cal's for most of that and just cannot seem to bump below. I've been sitting at like 130-131 for dayssssss. My brain just wants to fucking binge at this point because what's even the point of starving if I won't lose fucking weight.
[Rant/Rave] Im done
/u/glitchydowner
Created: Thu Oct 11 14:47:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ndrxz/im_done/
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I might as well starve till I'm dead...
Another night another fight with the husband about him focusing his energy in working during a pregnancy that hasn't even happened yet..
Were going through fertility treatment and he seems to think that it's better for him to work than be at scans and all the other things... He can't even promise he'll be there when baby starts coming...
It makes me wonder why I'm evening trying to be healthy...
Ive started falling back into my old routine of starving myself and this time I'll just carry on till I die...
posted a selfie on instagram
/u/tonithepony [5'7 | SW: 272 | CW: 210 | GW: Not disgusting]
Created: Thu Oct 11 14:37:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ndoxl/posted_a_selfie_on_instagram/
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and three guys immediately unfollowed me. LOL. imagine being pretty and having guys like the way you look?
[Rant/Rave] Can I just rant a little bit?
/u/Aprikoosi_flex [5'9" | cw 127 | gw 117 | ugw 110 | 26F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 14:35:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ndo67/can_i_just_rant_a_little_bit/
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Mods please mark rant for me 😅
I am tired. I am so fucking tired. I work retail, and I support two people with my paycheck. I went to college and did well, but my anxiety and depression made me believe I couldn’t succeed so I dropped out. Now I can’t afford it.
I am tired. I moved to a new town thinking it would be a new start. I hate it here, but I’m too broke to move. My boyfriend won’t move because his family is here and we don’t pay rent. Regardless of this, I can’t afford to leave. He isn’t bad to me, but he’s emotionally absent. He also suffers from anxiety and depression. I don’t blame him, I’m just unfulfilled.
I am tired. Tired of being overweight, an alcoholic, a depressed piece of shit who can’t figure life out. I miss having horses and they’re my only drive to continue. The thought that I’ll get to ride and take care of them again someday.
Sorry for the rant. Sorry for feeling sorry for myself, but I needed to vent and have nowhere to do so. I had some good news this week: I won a $150 gift card for groceries at my job, I’m getting a raise to $15 an hour from $12.25, and I replanted my succulents. But it all boils down to nothing compared to my sadness. I hate this.
Thank you for reading, and I appreciate and love each and every one of you.
[Discussion] How often do you exercise?
/u/obviouslynotjackie
Created: Thu Oct 11 14:28:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ndlzn/how_often_do_you_exercise/
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And what do you do? Just curious, I know a lot of people with EDs don’t work out, but a lot do.
Also do you eat more calories on days you DO exercise?
I tend to exercise 5 days a week, 1.5-2 hours a day. I use YouTube videos lol, I don’t have the money to go to a gym rn :/ smh
[Other] Yooooo, Shout Out to Land O'Lakes
/u/nymphlotus [64in | 157 | 26.9 | -23lbs | Female]
Created: Thu Oct 11 14:18:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ndivp/yooooo_shout_out_to_land_olakes/
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I had a really gross type of Land O'Lakes butter when I was like...10. And that turned me off to them for life. But I'm back on my bullshit and picked up some of their light butter with canola oil and salt. Bruh. 50 calories for like 1 tbsp. Melts amazing on toast. TASTES SO FUCKING GOOD. Better than the 70 cal butter I was using.
Why did I forsake you, Land O'Lakes? I was so wrong...
First post but need support about something my SO said.
/u/the_eroticbaker
Created: Thu Oct 11 14:16:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ndi3m/first_post_but_need_support_about_something_my_so/
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So I usually lurk on this subreddit but my boyfriend of 2 years has driven me to my first post. I am at a loss.
We were arguing earlier today and he told me he was not physically attracted to me and would be more so if I was thinner. He knows I have had an eating disorder for most of my life. After the fact he apologized and told me he only said it to be hurtful. Now I don't know what to think. I'm afraid to be naked in front of him again.
How would you move forward? How do I forgive him for cutting me so deep?
[Goal] 120s baby!!!!!!
/u/Hairless_Human [6' | CW 132 | BMI 17.21 | WL -148 |M 21]
Created: Thu Oct 11 13:16:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ncyv9/120s_baby/
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I did it. I fucking did it. 129lbs I feel so weak but so happy at the same time. This will all be worth it in the end. Only 29 more lbs to go. Sadly I have to up my calories a tad bit for work. So itll be a little slower weight loss. Fuck you 130s. You guys are not kidding when you say the 130s take forever.
How many pickles is too many?
/u/desertfractal [5'5"|CW:125|GW:109.9|21.05| 23F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 13:13:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ncxug/how_many_pickles_is_too_many/
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I just ate like 8 pickles, am I okay? How many calories is that? They were medium/large
So I got my body composition tested today.....
/u/invincibletitan33 [5'4.5 | 52kg | F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 13:08:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ncw6o/so_i_got_my_body_composition_tested_today/
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So I work in a hospital and they offered free body composition checks today so I went along cos curiosity.
So it turns out I'm normal weight (knew that sadly), and normal-low muscle mass but apparently my fat mass is 'under' - particular in the lower half of my body (explains my lack of butt). The dietician told me I should probably put more fat on 😂 yeah right!
My colleague who is the same age, height, same build, she does a lot of cardio and is vegetarian and eats really healthy got told she should lose 4kg of fat!
Feeling pretty good because I have way less that I thought (though how accurate are these body fat scales??) that I feel like it must be wrong?? But at the same time I'm gonna use this as motivation to lose weight and lose more fat.
[Discussion] Dreams / Nightmares
/u/kanaeshiki [5'4 | 131.5 | 22.6 | 18.5 lbs | F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 12:57:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ncsnf/dreams_nightmares/
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I always dream vividly the more I restrict, last night had me wake up in a cold sweat. Without getting into detail, I had reached my UGW and fit into a cute tiny skirt that I have in my closet, while also being accepted into some sort of skinny girl sorority. But then there was a bathroom emergency. The dream BM felt so real / explosively gross, but all I could think about was "oh my god, I can't get any on my skirt!!". Priorities, right? Then I looked up the meaning when I woke up...
​
*To dream that you have diarrhea signifies that some part of your life is going out of control. You can no longer contain your strong emotions and need to get it out of your system quickly.*
Lol. Seems kind of obvious but I found it interesting how it played out in the dream. I've never abused laxatives but am currently on/off ADHD meds, which in turn is both helping (yay no appetite, focusing better at work, exercise feels sooo good) and hurting (boo heart palpitations and anxiety, mood all over the place, kinda jumpy / tweaky).
​
Have you had any crazy dreams or nightmares lately?
Anyone else using a guy breaking your heart to get down to your GW?
/u/letgoor [5'6 | 136 |GW: 125ish| F |add me on peach if u wanna b friends:)]
Created: Thu Oct 11 12:52:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ncr7m/anyone_else_using_a_guy_breaking_your_heart_to/
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Ok so here’s the TL; DR:
I liked a guy. Spring of 2017. That’s 1.5 years ago. I liked him cuz he was cute and he told my friend I was “beautiful” so that made me like him more. Fast fwd a little bit of texting and I end up making out with him in his dorm after we smoked weed. nothing else happened but I’m a very conservative person when it comes to sex (still a Virgin) and I had never “hooked up” with a guy before at my college, so this was a huge deal. Long story short, after this happened he was a total dick to me and I ended up ghosting him. Months later, he asked me what he did wrong and I told him. I told him it would never work between us because of that
Now here is me today. A few things have changed since he last saw me this past spring. I got my braces off and my teeth are perfect now. I fixed an issue with my eyelid, which in turn made my face more symmetrical and attractive. I even got a boob job. I’m on my way to getting down to my goal weight. I perfected my skin care, makeup, and hair regimen, overhauled my wardrobe, and even started growing my nails. If I hadn’t stressed binged all summer, I’d be at my goal weight, but whatever.
All I need to do is get to my goal weight and get lip injections (my reward for losing weight) and I’ll be near perfect.
Here’s the kicker: I haven’t posted pictures of myself on any social media throughout any of these changes.
And all that’s motivating me rn is posting a snap story of my transformed self (since he still follows me on snap) and having him drunk-snap me (like he does occasionally.)
Yes it’s petty, yes it’s been 1.5 years, but I want him to know what he missed out on. I gave him a chance and he blew it, it was something I never did with anyone else and he treated me like I was just one of his other fuck buddies. Well guess what? I wasn’t. I want him to feel sorry for treating me badly.
I cannot WAIT until this plan comes to fruition. It’s keeping me motivated to stay at my 800 ca / day even when I want to binge.
Estimated time left: about 6 weeks. This has been a whole summer in the making.
Anyone else got stories like this? Who’s completely fueling you right now?
[Goal] no more b/p
/u/acrsita [Height 5'7| CW 47kg | BMI 16.5| Weight Lost ??| Gender ??]
Created: Thu Oct 11 12:51:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ncqly/no_more_bp/
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i love love love fasting, but being around family always means i have to eat, so i end up binging and purging constantly as i can’t control myself after i’ve started eating and i know i have the opportunity to purge.
a normal day of eating for me is starving all day until dinner. at dinner i’ll eat the meal i have to, binge, and purge it all.
i hate it. purging takes up so much of my fucking day, it takes me up to 20 minutes a time these days. it also just stresses me out more.
so i’m going to start just low restricting, at least as well as i can. i’m sure i’ll still purge after i’m forced to eat something over 200 ish cal, but i’m not going to binge after meals because it’s ‘all coming up anyway’.
today all i had to eat was some fruit and some >200 cal soup, and i kept it down. purging for me doesn’t even have to get rid of all the food, i just have to at least get something up so a weight’s off my shoulders and so i feel cleaner. but today i didn’t do that, and i feel fine. i have new GWs, i have more hope than usual. i want to get back to my LW and below it. i want to stop the horrible, ceaseless cycle of binging and purging that just makes me maintain and want to kill myself. i want to be ana again.
[Rant/Rave] I hate my immune system and it hates me back
/u/ummjennyweregonnadie
Created: Thu Oct 11 12:43:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nco9c/i_hate_my_immune_system_and_it_hates_me_back/
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It's been 5 years since i started doing all this shit and this year my immune system finally decided to say fuck it. I have gotten sick 4 times this year. Like full on virus-fever-stay in bed kind of sick.
I literally got sick last week and it was fucking awful. I had a stomach flu or something and 4 days of diarrhea. I'd be happy for a free purge if it wasn't so awful and painful.
@mybody really??? NOW I start getting sick?? Now that I'm getting better (kind of)?? Fuck off. I didn't sign up for this.
[Discussion] what ive noticed while losing weight (TW weight numbers restriction)
/u/dollydomer [5'6 | 107.8|GW 100 |F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 12:43:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nco78/what_ive_noticed_while_losing_weight_tw_weight/
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i’ve never been overweight. my highest weight was 123 after residential treatment and lowest was 100. i’ve never been severely underweight either
after treatment when i realized how much i weighed i tried to lose weight again. i believed that the weight they made me gain is not how much i am supposed to. people even said it. nobody thought i was fat they just all thought that i was made to be skinnier. which is true because 1) my family is skinny european and 2) i found the weight my body rests
i didn’t have to change much to start losing weight pretty fast. i got down to 112. before i got to that point i completely lied to everyone and said i was perfectly fine perfectly healthy and i don’t need help with food anymore i don’t get anxiety. so i refused to go to psychs and ed therapists and iop. and all the doctors believed i was okay to stop. so i did
i stayed at that weight (112) for a while but eventually fasted for quite a while (100) and a treatment friend told my mom. but my insurance didn’t cover treatment. however i didn’t want my mom to be on my back about it so i gained weight very quickly because i was sedentary for months at home. i stopped having such a big appetite all the time once i hit 112. (still a healthy weight for my height at the time)
what i have noticed is that i look great and feel great in between 112 and 123. i got many compliments and my mood was stable i had a stable period. now i am starving again and a lower weight and immediately stopped getting compliments. what i learned is that being skinny and sick is not what we are supposed to be. we (me very included) all idolize it and want to be skinny and boney and look sick maybe because of the aesthetic or maybe because we want to be the skinniest. but in reality it is not what we think it’ll be like
Final update!
/u/iToldAnotherLieToday [5'7| CW: 98.4 | 28F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 12:43:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nco6i/final_update/
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I was weighed again this morning. I still drank all the liquid and put coins in my pockets and wore my heaviest jeans and shoes. I was up 10lbs instead of 14. It was still a suspicious jump for the nurses, but the numbers don’t lie 😏
I just transferred our last frozen embryo. In 11 days, I go in for my pregnancy blood tests. Until then, I will go back to eating at maintenance but also will need to increase my food calories to make up for the calories I won’t be drinking with alcohol.
Thanks for listening to my vents the last few days 🖤
[Help] This is so dumb but how tall am I?
/u/conuretrash [5'3.5''| 20 F | CW 148 | GW 115| -42 |]
Created: Thu Oct 11 12:32:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nckog/this_is_so_dumb_but_how_tall_am_i/
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So I’m 64inches. According to google’s conversion that makes me 5’4” feet. But 64/12 is really 5.333. So am I 5’3.3”? Or five four? Idk! I know it’s stupid.
I know I could google this but I need some tips on breaking a vicious binge cycle.
/u/High_as_red [5'4 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 12:28:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ncj94/i_know_i_could_google_this_but_i_need_some_tips/
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I'm in it really bad, been averaging 4000 calories a day for 2 weeks, WHILE im eating Im thinking about whats next. Before I get my plate I check how much more is in the pot for when I'm done. Then I take half my plate and put it away for later cause i dont want the food to stop, then while im waiting to eat the rest I eat other stuff. Pb sandwich, cup a soup, noodles, wine, soda, anything and everything I can find. This is not just me being a fatty, I have a serious problem its all I think about. Last night I took the entire container of potato salad " not gonna eat it all just dont wana make unecessary dishes " ... spoiler I ate it all like 500g potato salad in one sitting at 9pm after I had a massive lunch and didnt stop eating for more than 5 minutes all day. My stomach hurt SOOOO bad I wanted to die. I woke up during the night from pain. I woke up wanting to throw up but my body is INCAPABLE of vomiting I swear to god. I can stick a toothbrush in, finger my throat, i could have food poisoning and I CANT throw up. So I sat with that pain from overeating untill 11am this morning, and THE SECOND i felt better I got myself nearly 700g mac n cheese with bacon and sausage in. This is not normal fatty behaviour. I feel like the second the food stops I need to find new food. I ate all that mac and cheese and I didnt even feel full. Ive stretched out my stomach so bad. And all the help i google says " eat a healthy breakfast " JESUS when i start eating i do not stop till I pass out. If I have fucking breakfast that adds 4 more hours for me that i can eat. You guys I might seriously damage my esophagus i have extreme heartburn and 0 controll I need help its been 2 weeks and no one I know has a remote idea what this is. My mom says " eat less " websites say " eat more " .... Do you have ANY ... ANY advice please help me
[Discussion] DAE feel like you’d be happier at a lower weight that’s easier to maintain naturally if you’d been “better” at recovering when you first started treatment?
/u/freckafunk
Created: Thu Oct 11 12:15:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ncf35/dae_feel_like_youd_be_happier_at_a_lower_weight/
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I mean, obviously I needed treatment when I was at rock bottom ano. I prob would’ve died if I hadn’t be sent to get help. But I fucked around, jumped into lower levels of care before I was ready, didn’t really try hard to beat ED when I was back in the real world... 6 years later I’m sadder, uglier, fatter, and more complicated than I would’ve been if I just fucking agreed to recover in the first place.
Now my metabolism is beyond repair, I cannot function as an adult, I don’t know what true hunger or satiety even feels like anymore, I have 200% less friends, oh and I’m covered in fat and cellulite and hormonal breakouts because I allowed my ED to evolve into a bulimia/BED/restriction monster that ruined my brain and body.
If I had just followed the rules and recovered Instead of keeping one foot out the door, I honestly think I’d weigh less and look better.
Fasting every other day?
/u/sriracha_henny [5'2"/157 | CW: 149/68 | UGW: 97/44 | LW: 129 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 12:14:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ncepr/fasting_every_other_day/
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Has anyone been able to sustain this? I’m kind of obsessed with fasting but I always fuck up around 36 hours and I do my progress, so I’m thinking I can just do 24hr every other day. I guess this might qualify as IF? I plan to fast one day, eat ~600cal the next, rinse and repeat. If anyone did this or something similar, how did it go?
[Tip] TIP: Add a tiny bit of real sugar to your fake sweeteners
/u/canarybones [5'1 | CW125 | BMI 23.6 | GW105 | 29F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 12:06:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ncc4y/tip_add_a_tiny_bit_of_real_sugar_to_your_fake/
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It makes the whole thing taste like real sugar, I swear! For hot tea, I usually add a healthy pour of vanilla Skinny Syrup, then 3g of sugar. So that's about 10 calories, which I don't mind spending. It takes away that kind of deep \~emptiness\~ that's characteristic of artificial sweeteners.
[Rant/Rave] Nearly got caught purging. Fuck my awful nosy parents.
/u/WashiiTape [Height: 5'4 | CW: 119 | BMI: 19.4 | Gender: F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 12:04:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ncbll/nearly_got_caught_purging_fuck_my_awful_nosy/
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The only bathroom in my house is right next to the guest room, and my parents are currently staying over. so i have to only restrict, and not purge, while they're here. They keep insisting "Oh you're looking too thin, you really should eat more!!" and its so awful they keep making us go out to eat and buffets and shit and trying to get me to eat more. So I gave in and ate a ton, and as soon as we got home i locked the door to my bedroom and planned to get rid of it all in the trash can. But oh fucking boy they figured out where my bedroom key is and after hearing me throwing up (guess the music i played to drown it out wasnt loud enough) they ran in to come baby me like "Oh honey are you sick?? is it food poisoning? we should go talk to the manager of the restaurant" god! stop! being! so! intrusive! ive gone from being 115 pounds to 118 in the week and a half they've been here. its their whole fault i have an ed and now suddenly theyve decided to give a shit about my wellbeing? FML.
[Rant/Rave] I ate 750 calories of bananas today and I don’t even feel guilty about it.
/u/fxckyouaurora [166cm|51.5kg|F25|🍑]
Created: Thu Oct 11 11:56:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nc8x1/i_ate_750_calories_of_bananas_today_and_i_dont/
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a few things. I told myself I was allowed to do this because I usually restrict for 1-2 days then always binge on day 3 (on takeouts and stuff) so I told myself I can overeat but only if it was the ‘nanas. idk why bananas, don’t question me.
anyway, my usual routine of an almost/accidental cereal and soy milk mono came to about the same amount.
food total for today ~ 1600 idk.
I drank loads of tea (with milk) and I’m having beeeer (because it doesn’t count and you can fight me on that) and all in all land on about 2600.
this is okay for two reasons:
1. I’m having a fuckin rough time lately and my relationship is taking a hit that we can only try and work through.
2. I refused all the dohnuts/flapjacks/cookies/other shite that had been free-for-all in the kitchen at work since 11am.
3. didn’t purge. and THAT is a damn win. IN FACT I haven’t purged in three fckin days so yes to beer, hell yes to beer.
* sorry for the ramble. already tipsy. just trying to explain myself???? idk guys. but even your worst days can have okay moments I guess.
If people start to treat me better as I lose weight.....
/u/xlilgirlpoptartx [5'7 | CW: 203 | SW: 245 | GW:135 | F/37]
Created: Thu Oct 11 11:48:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nc6bx/if_people_start_to_treat_me_better_as_i_lose/
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....I’m going to be really upset. I know it might feel nicer on the surface, but I’m gonna know it about the people who treat me like shit now, and I’m gonna assume it about people I don’t yet know.
I kind of hate 99% of people to begin with, it’s more than just being an introvert though, I just find most people overly judgmental and shallow and it annoys the fuck out of me, even just hearing other people’s conversations in stores or restaurants makes me want to slap them for the dumb shit they say....
But if they start telling me how good I look, which is even starting to happen now, or just makes me angry, it shouldn’t, but it just takes my mind to a dark place where I realize that everyone just cares how you look and not about who you are as a person....
So yeah I’m gonna be mad if I lose the weight and mad if I don’t....fuck this shitty disorder in my brain.
I got a new motivator at the worst time
/u/finnkat [5'3 | 90lbs | 16.4 | 19f]
Created: Thu Oct 11 11:46:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nc5tx/i_got_a_new_motivator_at_the_worst_time/
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I have a doctor's appointment coming up and for some reason that's been motivating me to not eat at all. I want to be the lowest weight I can possibly be when I get there even though I don't want her to talk to me about it. I don't know what the deal with my brain is, that makes no sense at all, I don't even know what I would say if she brings it up. But, that doesn't stop me from not eating until I go. Unfortunately, I've also been sick and it seems like the less I eat, the worse it gets. I had to call in from work this week and on that day I slept a bunch and ate like a normal person and I felt sooo much better afterwards, but since that day I've been restricting again and I've just been getting sicker to the point that I had a fever yesterday :( I hate being sick and I want to get better but some part of me thinks that if I'm more than 90lbs when I get weighed at the doctor's, she's gonna think I'm a huge fatass or something.
[Rant/Rave] I didn’t gain weight!!!
/u/siempremequejo
Created: Thu Oct 11 11:41:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nc4ab/i_didnt_gain_weight/
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So I binged for 4 days straight and restricted for 2 and yet I didn’t gain weight 😩😩😩 I’m so happy. I was super scared to get on the scale.
[Rant/Rave] im so mad at my body right now
/u/arthroego
Created: Thu Oct 11 11:02:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nbrr8/im_so_mad_at_my_body_right_now/
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word vomit about this stupid fucking plateau, just need to get it out
i have not hit below 142.3. its been 13 days. my weight has bounced between 142.3-148 (>:( wtf body 6 whole ass pounds) the entire time.... my intake has upped a bit, but its still on average below 1100/daily for the past 12 days, and im more active than i was previously. i weigh almost everything i eat, and what i dont weigh id have to eat an insane amount of for it to push me over maintenance... or if its eating out, i pick the largest entry option available and fast/restrict high the next day, so even if its wrong and higher it shouldnt make me maintain.
it is driving me insane.
i just spent 30 min doing all the math (average BMR + cals burnt at average steps - average daily intake. couple different formulas and calculators) and i shouldve lost at LEAST 2.5-3lbs by now, easy. i SHOULD be like 139.9 or at least 140 by freaking now.
my periods coming soon, probably partially that. salt intakes a bit high, fibers a bit low. also probably contributing. i also just saw a 15 lb in one month loss so i should expect to plateau a bit because i tend to lose weight in spurts. i usually lose really well during and after my period then halt after i ovulate and bloat up 2-6 lbs. i know its not fat, i know its water. i KNOW the whoosh is coming. but holy shit. mentally, its so so hard. every day i look in the mirror i look bigger.
i feel like dirt. i feel huge, fatter than i did 15 lbs heavier, and so ugly. ive been living in leggings, my exes 2X sweatshirt, and a baseball hat. the stress is making me binge-y/eat more because im stressed, still well below tdee, but higher and its making me anxious. like i know its water weight and im still losing fat but its stressing me out so much im just slowing my progress more!!!! i want to be back in the 130s so, so, so bad. its like a switch, i feel way more confident and ill be within 4 lbs of a healthy BMI and its the point where every pound i lose starts to be more and more noticeable to others, ill be within 10 lbs of the 120s which i have never hit as an adult and is a huge goal/milestone for me. my dysmorphia is temporarily abated for a bit. im missing all my fucking date goals and i could be fat as shit on halloween still because of this fucking plateau.
:(((((
today im liquid fasting and chugging water like nobodies business. not even gonna do broth today to see if the lack of salt helps. every time i go pee i weigh myself after and then chug another glass of water. ugh. i hate this so much. i miss the daily high of seeing .3 or .5 lost every day. it makes it feel like theres no point in restricting and im destined to be fat and it usually triggers a HUGE binge phase but i am determined to see this through. ive never had a plateau last longer than 2.5 weeks, i just need to make it like 5 more days restricting decently and drinking tons of water and i KNOW ill see the drop soon. itll be so satisfying when i do. im using it as motivation. i can get through this, i wont eat all my feelings. ill channel them into being productive for school and working out more, ill feel happier doing that than i ever will mid or post binge. im not going to eat until im in pain. im not going to go to 7/11 and buy $40 of junk and eating it while wanting to die. but damn. its so tempting :/// pls send good vibes and support my way y'all, and my heart goes out to everyone else in a shitty frustrating long plateau, it sucks and we'll get through this and see our projected losses. may the whoosh gods bless us all in the next week!!!!
My parents are divorcing after 30 years
/u/button_eyed_coraline [5'4" | 157 | 26.9 | -83 | Female]
Created: Thu Oct 11 10:53:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nbov1/my_parents_are_divorcing_after_30_years/
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It’s for the best. My dad is a tool. Mom should have left him decades ago. So why am I so upset about it? I’m back to Soylent and have added cardio because restricting and angrily working out to Eminem’s new album is the only way I feel any power in my life anymore. I had plateaued while trying to get back to solids and I’ve dropped 2 lbs this week since I abandoned that plan.
My rage and unresolved trauma from my father’s verbal and physical abuse will sculpt me into a sharp human weapon. If only that could go back in time to change how my childhood played out.
[Rant/Rave] Thin privilege is bullshit
/u/Tsuyu_irl
Created: Thu Oct 11 10:51:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nbo4n/thin_privilege_is_bullshit/
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So first off I'm sorry if this offends, this is just my rant on things.
So routinely I like to torture myself with fat acceptance cringe compilations on YouTube for reverse thinspo. And I can't help but get angry when people in them chastise skinny people for not catering to them. Saying that we have thin privilege? Honey where? I worked HARD for this.
How about fat privilege? Fat privilege is being able to eat anything and everything and expecting the world to think you're still gorgeous and amazing and date you despite you being morbidely obese. Fat priviledge is not having to obsess over your daily cal limit or needing to ever work out because its okay if you get a little fat. Fat privilege is expecting companies to carry 20xl clothing and routinely causing loss of business in companies because you slander them to all hell.
I wish I could stop caring about my weight. But since mental health isn't cheap i will probably always live with it.
[Help] Hair falling out
/u/nicelikerice69
Created: Thu Oct 11 10:45:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nbmb5/hair_falling_out/
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DAE deal with thinning hair? Any recommendations on shampoos/conditioners or ways to make hair look thicker? I’ve always had thin hair, but now I see so much come out in the shower it scares me.
my mom scheduled a doctor appointment for me
/u/wetbookshelf [5’3 | CW: 95 lbs | BMI: 17.26 | GW: idk skinnier]
Created: Thu Oct 11 10:42:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nblmb/my_mom_scheduled_a_doctor_appointment_for_me/
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she told me that my doctor scheduled it, but my sister told me that she noticed i’d been losing weight again (last time i went to the doctor they pointed out that i’d lost 8 pounds) and asked if she knew how much i weighed. it’s on the 25th and i have to get up to at least 98 pounds by then. but gaining six pounds in like a week and a half seems hard and god i really don’t want to do it but. i just cannot have my parents worry about me. i figure ill just try and tone my muscles a lot and maybe buy those high cal protein shakes and just restrict like hell when my appointment passes :/
[Help] Wondering how I got to the point of maybe having to shave my face, I can’t take this langu anymore 🙃🤦🏻♀️ any advice!?! 😬
/u/indentionsofme [Height 5"10 | CW 100| HW 142| GW 95 l BMI 14.3]
Created: Thu Oct 11 10:37:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nbk22/wondering_how_i_got_to_the_point_of_maybe_having/
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Okay so this summer I noticed some extra hair growth on the sides of my face. It is veryyyyy light in color so not really noticeable, probably 🙃 because who is going to tell ya that 🤦🏻♀️
Anyway it’s gotten worse. There is like a bright halo around myself in photos and last night washing my makeup off (I usually don’t wear much, but decided to try) I could not get it off my face WTF it was like washing foundation out of hair!!!! Well I suppose that’s literally what it was. It is super light but getting worse by the month.
Yet still my ED prevails over any of this🙃🙃🙃
Any advice on facial hair removal?
[Help] I tried to get help and was told I’m not sick enough
/u/cjmorph [5’4 | 136| BMI | 50 pounds down| f]
Created: Thu Oct 11 10:34:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nbj1x/i_tried_to_get_help_and_was_told_im_not_sick/
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So what IS sick enough? The other day I had posted how my 4yo was concerned that I never ate. I always sit with her but will just drink water or tea or eat a couple pieces fruit. So I tried eating one meal with her (salad) a day and honestly I was losing sleep because I felt physically sick from eating so much. I felt like I full on binged on dry lettuce and I was fighting the urge to purge because in all honestly the meal would probably do me some good. I had wrestled so hard with this; I thought “man, maybe it’s time to see a doctor about this” so I did. He told me I was technically a bit overweight and dieting is ok...but I’m not dieting. I hate food, and I hate being fat. I mentioned how I did a liquid diet for 3 months and talked about how I spend 4 days a week at the gym to give him an idea and his response was “see you’re creating healthy habits like going to the gym to manage your weight, you’re being too hard on yourself” guess I’ll try again when I lose another 50lbs? Or what?
Failing miserably.
/u/sisterberlin [5'5" | CW 125 | GW 108]
Created: Thu Oct 11 10:28:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nbh26/failing_miserably/
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So, long story short, I developed anorexia as a teen and heavily restricted for years before “recovering” (lol) in my early 20’s. It’s a few years later and I’m trying to lose the weight I gained back, and get down to 108lbs again. I’ve been exercising more than I did before, and trying to keep a handle on my calorie intake, but holy christ I just discovered I’m failing hard at this. I just weighed myself for the first time since like 2016 and I’m at my heaviest since I was 16. I thought I was at least in the 125-130 range but I’m at goddamn ~140 now. I feel like dying; all I want is to stop thinking about food and eating and go back to my disordered ways, but I’m totally out of control at this point. Idk how to make myself stop, it’s like I now have a compulsion to eat huge amounts of high calorie garbage, despite my best efforts to plan my meals and control my intake.
This post has no real point aside from venting and hoping you guys can commiserate with my fat ass.
:(
[Help] Reintroducing bread and rice?
/u/LumosErin [5'5.5" | 121.8 lbs| GW: 120 lbs| UGW: 115 lbs | 20F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 10:16:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nbdj9/reintroducing_bread_and_rice/
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So for the past month, maybe month and a half I have completely cut myself off from eating any type of bready carb unless necessary, all of my carbs were coming from veggies and salad.
​
I'm eating around 350 calories a day, and I'm just not sure that's sustainable anymore; I was extremely dizzy during dance last night, that's never happened to me before. So I'm thinking of reintroducing bready carbs for energy. But I'm scared. However, last year when I ate rice or a roll, I was still losing so I figure I'm okay. My university dining hall(s) do not always serve whole grain options, though...
​
A 1/2 cup of the white rice is 130 calories, a honey wheat dinner roll is 130 or a white sweet yeast is 110 (not sure which one to choose there).
​
I'm soooooooooo freaking close to my goal and I don't want to lapse in progress. What should I do?
Is anyone planning to dress up for halloween?
/u/bashytr0n [5'2"|90lbs|17.1| GW 40kg/88lbs | LW 35kg/77lbs]
Created: Thu Oct 11 10:13:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nbcg5/is_anyone_planning_to_dress_up_for_halloween/
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I'm interested in hearing about everyones costume ideas! And if anyones come across particularly ridiculous "sexy" versions of things, because those are always amusing.
What is going on???
/u/buenothot [Height 5’3 | CW 200 | BMI ? | Weight Lost 128 lbs | Gender F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 10:10:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nbbt9/what_is_going_on/
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I ate a shitload of candy and sushi yesterday and I lost 2 pounds. I checked on two scales. I’m not complaining but what the hell
[Rant/Rave] My weight loss does not exist apparently
/u/ilonacamille [162cm | Whale | -12.6lbs | F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 10:09:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nbbd2/my_weight_loss_does_not_exist_apparently/
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Hi
So since August I lost 11kg/24lbs. Clearly unhealthy, but CICO is legit, we just abuse it around here.
ANYWAY. My brother has been "trying" to lose weight since forever. He's gone to dietitians, tried keto, tried whatever hype diet has been circulating on social media. He eats a lot of food, he'll get seconds, thirds, sometimes he'll even say "I'm gonna take a little break to let it digest and then I'll get some more" ???
Yesterday was yet another day of him finding THE SECRET TO WEIGHT LOSS.
He wants to get rid of all my coke zero because omg apparently it makes you fat!! The aspartan creates insuline which turns into fat. REAL SCIENCE SHEEPLE!
Eggs?? No don't even try to come near our house with eggs. THEY ARE MAKING US FAT.
I've tried to tell him about CICO multiple times (the healthy version that doesn't go below 1500 calories) but he won't listen. If I want to drink Coke Zero all day I won't gain weight, will my insides be healthy? Probably not, but getting a regular Coke isn't better.
I lost almost 25 pounds and it's like it doesn't count? I know my ways weren't healthy but if you don't take it to an extreme you'll still see results.
How do you deal with all the bullshit and people trying to ignore your progress?
[Rant/Rave] I have then chocolate senna laxatives
/u/throwaway__1893
Created: Thu Oct 11 10:02:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nb95t/i_have_then_chocolate_senna_laxatives/
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I don’t know how many to take. I’ve been a little backed up. Should I take 2 or 4? How long do they take to work?
Milestones
/u/ChugaChuga_ChooChoo
Created: Thu Oct 11 09:55:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nb6sg/milestones/
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2 milestones hit:
For the first time since I developed into this mess, I was home all day and did not binge but kept restricting. Every time I'd be home for the weekend or just out from work, I'd binge and purge and go crazy. But I didn't. I kept on with a couple bites of fruit and Powerade. I call that a win.
Even a bigger win:
Got off the phone with a family member to tell them about the entire combination of ED including binge eating, b/p, restricting... And I can't tell you how happy I am of their support and understanding. Not to mention how proud I am of myself for telling them. There's nothing more to say. I'm just happy. I'm not better. Not ready to end yet. But... it's progress :)
How????
/u/art_istical [5'5| 98| 16.3| 17 lbs lost | female]
Created: Thu Oct 11 09:41:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nb2px/how/
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So there's this TINY girl i see on college campus all the time and I'm so jealous of her. One of my friends with her and picked her up and ran her across the room literally under his arm. And he asked her how much she weighed... Literally 105..? I weigh less than her? And I'm almost a foot taller? Why does she look so small and dainty/cute and I just look like a whale next to her :( i don't understand
[Rant/Rave] PANCAKESSSS
/u/BigFrameSkinnyAddict
Created: Thu Oct 11 09:33:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nb02p/pancakessss/
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Kinda proud of myself, I was gonna make my brother pancakes (but not have anymyself) and as I was cleaning the bowl mg brother got a plate for me and said "here you can have the big one!" And I was about to say no thank you.... But I didn't I ate 3 and I feel kinda shitty but also kinda proud I just sucked it up and it them I love my brothers so much 💙
[Rant/Rave] Low-Key torturing myself
/u/cntrxpy [5'3" | CW 199 | 35.3 | -30 then +60 lol | 22F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 09:26:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9naxxg/lowkey_torturing_myself/
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I'm sitting in the dining hall at my university working while everyone around me is eating. It smells sooooo good my mouth is watering, but I binged last night so I'm fasting for at least 36 hours (currently 12.5/36). I want to feel like I can control myself again, so I'm just gonna sit here and smell the amazing smells and watch people eat. I'm like...both giddy that I'm showing this self control and also sitting here like bitch your disordered ass is completely crazy.
[Help] Why can’t I fast anymore 😩
/u/lilmdjd [5’3 | CW: 130 | BMI: 23 | LW: 94| - 17| 23F ]
Created: Thu Oct 11 09:25:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9naxo0/why_cant_i_fast_anymore/
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I’m down about 20 lbs since mid August. Not crazy fast in my opinion. I’m plateaued around 129. My BMI is nowhere near underweight. I keep telling myself I’m gonna fast and I just can’t seem to do it, it’s gotten so much harder. Even after eating maintenance for a few days, I still can’t seem to make it 24 hours. Fuck I can’t even get back into OMAD without caving and eating a protein bar. I was doing 50+ easily before. What the fuck is going on? Is my body just overreacting? How do I make it stop being a little b****
[Help] bones cracking after fast weight loss?
/u/problemproblem420 [5'6'' | 115 | 18.6 | 20F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 08:47:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nalqr/bones_cracking_after_fast_weight_loss/
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i lost around 16 pounds between now and late august. my bones crack all the time now. mostly my hips, shoulders, and knees. they will crack so loudly with the slightest movement. does anyone know what could be happening?
How to not feel faint or light headed while restricting?
/u/hazelnut___ [5'9 | CW:158 | GW:135 | f22]
Created: Thu Oct 11 08:46:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nalli/how_to_not_feel_faint_or_light_headed_while/
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I work at a busy starbucks which can be a really straining job, physically and mental. Even when I'm eating normally I find I sometimes have moments of feeling a little faint. This is amplified like, 10 times when eating >800 calories a day. I need to be constantly happy and approachable to customers while also making drinks, cleaning, and carrying relatively heavy stuff.
So yeah, anyone have tips on not turning into a zombie/straight up passing out while on the job?
[Rant/Rave] My bf is a lot thinner than me
/u/2ndfirstday [5'5" | 101 lbs | 16.8 BMI | -3 lbs | F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 08:39:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9najd2/my_bf_is_a_lot_thinner_than_me/
---
He’s a little taller than me too. I feel like when I hug him, he’s going to snap. I really wish I knew how much he weighs. All I know is that visually, he’s much tinier and pretty much bone-thin. God, I wish that were me.
I’ve been staying with him for a week now, and have one more week to go. We’ve been eating the same foods, but he’s definitely been eating less than I have. It’s kind of embarrassing, but a good kind of wake-up call.
I love being with him but I cant wait to go home in a week and start dieting again. Maybe next time I visit (ldr), I’ll be thinner.
[Help] gum breaking ketosis?
/u/extraclevermongoose [5'7" 🐇 Underweight bmi 🐇 They/them]
Created: Thu Oct 11 08:24:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9naesx/gum_breaking_ketosis/
---
Hi! having a bit of paranoia here- will the carbs in sugar free gum break my fast or is 1 carb not enough/not absorbed the same due to being a sugar alcohol. 😢
[Rant/Rave] my bf said my face is getting chubby lmFAO
/u/psybeams [5'4” | 18f | cw : 109 | gw : 100 | bmi : 18.9]
Created: Thu Oct 11 08:20:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nador/my_bf_said_my_face_is_getting_chubby_lmfao/
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he wasn’t a dick about it but i genuinely wanted to know if he thought i was getting fat since i binged almost the whole week last week so i asked and he said “your body is too skinny but your face is getting kinda chubby” suck my dick wtf thats the only place on me that won’t drop fat lol. i know i asked but damn if i didn’t have to get up and go to the bathroom to cry. i’m gonna restrict even more now so i guess i’m grateful at the same time?? good thing i went out last night and bought a pint of halo top since thats all i’m eating today :)
[Discussion] Running restricter peeps 😋
/u/ie63 [5'6 | CW:196 | GW:125 | -38 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 08:11:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9nab53/running_restricter_peeps/
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Hey guys! Trying to find some other people who are avid runners and restricters. The combinations of the high that you get from running and eating >500 calories is amazing am I right?!?!?!?!
Anyways looking to connect and wondering
1. How often you run
2. How far
3. How long
4. How to fight those binge urges post running without just going on more runs 😂😂😂
5. Any other interesting comments on the combo
🍑 (@goodenuffforme)
1 fucking 18.
/u/lilmisssuccubus [5'2 | CW: 118 |BMI: 21 | GW: 103 | -60 | 26F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 08:05:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9na9dn/1_fucking_18/
---
On Oct 2nd, I weighed in at 116.7, and every time I have weighed since I have been some variation of 118-118.9. Yesterday, before my run in the afternoon I was 118.5 and then when I got back from my run I was 117.9, then this morning 118.1. In the past week I have lowered my calories from 1375 to 1100 a day and I work out 5 days a week. I burn an average of 1850 on days I work out. I am so damn frustrated. I need to be 115 by the 18th. I have birthday plans with my best friend and they literally REVOLVE around food.
​
Every time I use the bathroom it's not even very much and I am drinking coffee and eating fiber one bars and veggies. Fuck my life.
[Goal] i am a size SMALL????
/u/iffasting
Created: Thu Oct 11 08:01:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9na7t5/i_am_a_size_small/
---
showing my friend clothes i wanted to buy on amazon and i had 'medium' selected for the size, and she said 'wtf??? youre not a medium, get a small' even if shew as just trying to be nice, as someone who has lived their entire life as a medium/large, i am still gliding off of this positivity since yesterday
[Rant/Rave] My favourite outfit doesn’t fit anymore
/u/myx24 [176cm | CW:200 | -20 | 17F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 07:28:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n9ysh/my_favourite_outfit_doesnt_fit_anymore/
---
My go-to jeans no longer fit properly and it’s the same with my favourite shirt. I’ve been gaining a significant amount of weight since I was recently hospitalized (for a literal panic attack, still peeved about that) and it’s driving me nuts. Lately I’ve been binging every night and I’m finding it hard to start restricting again. I literally ate so much at one point that I involuntarily threw it up. Before all of that, I still had issues with binging but managed to drop almost 40 pounds. I’ve gained back 20 in less than a month.
I just got rid of all of the junk in my house and bought veggies and rice cakes. Hopefully those will satiate me until I can realistically ease into a fast without breaking it.
"Why do you restrict?" answered in verse
/u/hypermagical20 [5'5" | 133 | GW1: 130 | GW2: 122 | UGW: 115]
Created: Thu Oct 11 07:27:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n9yaz/why_do_you_restrict_answered_in_verse/
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Because otherwise it's just meaningless, the pain / clawing insides, going nowhere, shredding organs, a caged dog / howling. / Give the dog a purpose, / put him on a leash and let him pull you forward, toward something, / relief or death (or are they the same?) / or "I love you" or "you're so beautiful" or "now you are enough." / At least in movement, you can see the fire on the horizon and call it hope. At least you're not just here, / sinking.
What is the highest protein foods y'all know of?
/u/conuretrash [5'3.5''| 20 F | CW 148 | GW 115| -42 |]
Created: Thu Oct 11 07:24:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n9xke/what_is_the_highest_protein_foods_yall_know_of/
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I realized I need to eat like 60g of protein a day (on days I eat). I wanna eat as much protein as possible when I do break my fast but IDK what to buy. I have quest bars but they're only like 20-22grams of protein per bar. Do y'all know of any mixes/bars higher in protein than that? I'll buy anything lol. Thanks in advance 💕
Eating Disorder Spotify Playlist
/u/Ep1cDuCK [5'7.5" | CW: 105 lbs | BMI 16.2 | ]
Created: Thu Oct 11 07:16:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n9vjz/eating_disorder_spotify_playlist/
---
Hi guys! A little while back, I made a post asking for your recommendations for songs with eating disorder vibes or references. Here is the resulting playlist!
​
The playlist is a little bit out of order, one might even call it... disordered ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) I added songs with the most upvotes first, so it is more or less in order of popularity. It is 4 hours long and there is a big range of genres, so it doesn't have a coherent "flow", but I think it's pretty cool regardless. \*\*If anyone here is passionate about organizing playlists, please PM me and I'll make you a collaborator so that you can rearrange it.\*\*
​
I couldn't find several of the songs you guys suggested on Spotify. If I missed anything that you know is on Spotify, please feel free to say so in the comments or PM me and I'll add it!
​
[https://open.spotify.com/user/12140260520/playlist/2ylqlTV68q0Wap4d9Kpi0J?si=zp4ukFU8SeWejna5UZa01w](https://open.spotify.com/user/12140260520/playlist/2ylqlTV68q0Wap4d9Kpi0J?si=zp4ukFU8SeWejna5UZa01w)
​
Binging vs Fasting, who will win??
/u/conuretrash [5'3.5''| 20 F | CW 148 | GW 115| -42 |]
Created: Thu Oct 11 07:14:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n9uyo/binging_vs_fasting_who_will_win/
---
Ugh struggling right now to get into a fast for that fasting high!! I just want to feel it so bad and I know once I do this fast will be easy. But I want to binge, too. I don't get why I have to fight not to binge and fight to fast, meanwhile binging ends in tears and horrible feelings and fasting gets awesome and feels great??? If this could just switch I'd be great. I hate my mind!! I need a good hard reset rn and I'm determined to fast to get it but also I'm only 21 hours in and like I'm not gonna feel good for another 20 hours. I just want to quit. But not.
Consistant downward trend broken by my birthday
/u/AtypANA [5'9 | CW 205.0 | HW 220 | LW 120 | GQ 🏳️🌈]
Created: Thu Oct 11 06:48:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n9nwo/consistant_downward_trend_broken_by_my_birthday/
---
I have kept losing but then two days ago I had my birthday. I didn't calorie count as strictly as I usually do but all I ate was a soup (150), 3 chicken tenders (350), a slice of ice cream cake (400), and 3 mini resees (100). That's around 1000 cals and my tdee is ~1700. Yesterday I only ate 100 cals and went to a very active GA concert. My normal cals is 500/day. I was sure I lost or at least maintained- but I gained a whole pound!
After spending my whole life in abuse and being scared of expressing myself, I'm breaking free, and I just want to tell all of you
/u/taikutsuu [5'9'' | cw: 119, -33 | 17.2 bmi | gw: 105 | 18f]
Created: Thu Oct 11 06:32:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n9jzh/after_spending_my_whole_life_in_abuse_and_being/
---
Just in february, I was living with my abusive stepmother, my narcissistic dad who drove me into an eating disorder, I had no privacy, I was scared and cornered in and didn't see a way out. I was killing myself and was I allowing it to happen- I was being starved of intimacy just as much as I was starving myself of food. Life was shit, really.
Back then I would hate myself and was physically repelled by even just the thought of physical touch. I couldn't love anyone, because I was never loved. I thought nobody would ever like me, and nobody would ever actually invest anything, let alone themselves, in me, so I closed myself off and didn't give a shit.
Then I moved out. And oooooh boy has it done wonders. I've grown so much. Don't get me wrong, I'm still in deep with my eating disorder, I'm still depressed, I still haven't worked since March. But I'm so much more open-minded, I trust people more, and I'm allowing other people to be there for me.
I got to know a guy. He's so cute and supportive, he is honest and intelligent. He's there for me and allows me to be there for him. He lives three hours away, which isn't the easiest thing, but the past few months with him have been amazing and don't even get me started on our sex life. Okay, we actually haven't slept with each other yet (because I'm inexperienced and anxious as fuck), but we drive each other absolutely crazy. It feels like he's making me into such a better person, allowing me to be the person I've repressed for so long, and finally getting to know myself as I help him on that same road as well.
Guys, sometimes I don't recognize myself anymore. But sometimes, I think that's a good thing. I'm breaking free. :')
[Rant/Rave] 3 Halo Tops
/u/elsacouchnaps
Created: Thu Oct 11 06:30:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n9jes/3_halo_tops/
---
I’ve eaten 3 Halo Tops in less than 24 hours. FML. I bought 3 because I had a coupon, but saving that extra 50 cents a pint was not worth this, so never doing that again. And I have to go out for pizza tonight for the football game...which I’m sure I’ll probably eat way too much to because I’m a fat bitch with 0 self control anymore. I’ve been at 119 for the last two days & now I’ll probably back over 120 tomorrow :( ugh, I hate this day already. I hope everyone else has a wonderful perfect fantastic day :)
1 meal, 2 hour workout, 5 pounds gained in 2 days
/u/freckafunk
Created: Thu Oct 11 06:16:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n9g13/1_meal_2_hour_workout_5_pounds_gained_in_2_days/
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No breakfast, no lunch, 1 hour HARD cardio, 1 hour weights. No sugary coffee drinks. Dinner and post dinner binge keeps me under 800 cals. My TDEE is way more than that, I’m 5’11”! Being so careful not to go over the calorie limit, sitting in the sauna to squeeze out water weight...
Gained 5 pounds in 2 days. Over course of each day this week, I maybe loose 1 or 2 lbs before I eat my dinner - which is vegetables cooked without fat, two slices Ezekiel bread, and a leeeeettttlle bit of feta cheese for a salad. Then wake up, have a BM, and I weigh 4 pounds more. Cycle begins again for me to pee out 2 lbs and continue packing them on in my sleep. WHERE IS THE EXTRA WEIGHT COMING FROM. Where??? Is it the cheese? I eat way more carbs usually than just the bread and don’t have this problem.
WTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTF
Not expecting my period anytime soon. Can’t be that.
WTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTF
cannot win. I can’t 100% restrict anymore my brain won’t let me sleep until I’m full somehow but I thought I was doing okay anyway
[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support October 11, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Oct 11 06:09:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n9e9p/weekly_emotional_support_october_11_2018/
---
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.
Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.
**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**
*****
Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
Daily Food Diary! October 11, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Oct 11 06:09:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n9e70/daily_food_diary_october_11_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for October 11, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Rant/Rave] Triggered by old Facebook photos
/u/shortLavender [5'3"| cw:125 | gw1:120 | gw2:115]
Created: Thu Oct 11 06:00:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n9bn4/triggered_by_old_facebook_photos/
---
I spent ALL day yesterday saving my photos from my Facebook account so I can delete it. It was 9 years of pictures so I saw myself... a.lot.
During those 9 years I had gone from a healthy weight to overweight rather quickly, then back down a touch. I have had restrictive eating problems in the past, but they were prefacebook days (I seem to be a touch older than a large portion of you all) so there isn't much digital 'proof'.
I'm currently in a fairly strict restrictive period again. I have been loosing weight at a quicker than usual pace recently, but haven't been taking or posting photos so it's mostly hidden. Also, Yay for autumn clothes!!
Anyways, these photos severely triggered me. I never realized what I actually looked like when I was bigger. Even when I started to get healthier and workout more, I thought I was looking better but now I see I was still larger than I thought/felt. This worries me that I am still that way. That no matter what the scale says or how hungry I am or how loose my clothing has gotten, I will always be larger than I think I am.
It makes me feel like the compliments I get now are fake or forced, people don't really think that I look better, they are just trying to be nice since they know how hard I've been working.
I'm so confused, this disorder sucks and I hate it and it hurts too much.
Disappointed
/u/minicemilo [167cm| CW:51kg| BMI:18.3 | GW:47kg| Gender:F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 05:58:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n9azr/disappointed/
---
I was trying to recover. Asked my mom if i looked fatter cuz i feel fatter. Lol she said yes i looked healthier. Boi bye gunna restrict like mad again. Im fat and i feel like a pig! Great day!
super triggered by somebody who was just worried about me
/u/lemonthymesugar
Created: Thu Oct 11 04:49:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n8url/super_triggered_by_somebody_who_was_just_worried/
---
a family member of mine was worried about me because I mentioned I had a headache. it was very sweet of him, except it massively triggered me because he said I was really sedentary and now of course I feel like a total pig over it lol. he was well meaning, it just came out the wrong way and now I feel like actual garbage. it's not like it wasn't the truth but it still hurt, and now I feel pathetic for not being able to take it the way it was intended. what a great way to start off the day haha :((
Protein
/u/The_Immortal_Unicorn [167cm | cw: 62kg | gw: 52kg | 18f]
Created: Thu Oct 11 04:13:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n8n18/protein/
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I don't eat enough protein at all. I'm not sure what I need it for, but I know protein is important. Do you guys know some low-cal protein-rich foods?
[Tip] PSA: MFP logs fractions of a calorie
/u/linedryonly [5'5| C127 | G110 | L102 | -10]
Created: Thu Oct 11 04:03:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n8kxn/psa_mfp_logs_fractions_of_a_calorie/
---
My fellow calorie counters will appreciate this:
So I was logging eating 2/3 of an egg white (as you do) and my total calories came to 751 for the day. Then I realized it was a small egg, so I changed my serving size to 5/8. Both servings show as 11 cals, but my total calories at reducing the serving size went down a calorie to 750 exactly. I can only conclude that MFP displays calories in whole numbers based on serving size, but keeps track of fractions of a calorie and rounds your daily calories to accurately reflect this.
TLDR: MFP has your back.
EDIT: This is probably the most disordered post I have ever written. Who tf measures fractions of an egg white?? Me, apparently.
Body Fat Calculators ... TRIGGERED
/u/alynichelle [22 | 5'5" | 167 | 27.1 | F |🍑IzButterACarb]
Created: Thu Oct 11 03:31:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n8eg5/body_fat_calculators_triggered/
---
Ohhh I am triggered. Body Fat calculators drive me nuts!
I had been using a website for a few years and I had found it to be the most accurate one yet. Then I stumbled across a new calculator through some other reddit thread.. telling me my Body Fat % is 10% higher than the others had always led me to believe..
Well.. on that note.. I will be fasting..
tryna be (relatively) normal
/u/glossipgirl [155cm | 49.5kg | 20.4 | -2.5kg | 15F]
Created: Thu Oct 11 03:27:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n8dnw/tryna_be_relatively_normal/
---
okay so i've been feeling like shit recently so today i decided to high restrict (1000cals) in an attempt to have energy and feel good about myself (and also bc my parents got suspicious)
except now i feel like crap bc i can't even restrict "right" that's how weak my willpower is
arghhhhh fuck me
[Rant/Rave] Someone mentioned I’ve put on weight..
/u/existing--
Created: Thu Oct 11 03:13:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n8aur/someone_mentioned_ive_put_on_weight/
---
She meant it in the most sincere compliment too. “You look amazing! You look really well since last I saw you, you’ve put on a bit of weight!” (Its been a few months and yes I’ve put on a LOT of weight)
And I did smile at the compliment. It’s nice that someone thinks in their mind that I look nice.
But this is my heaviest in years. I’m BMI overweight. I hate how I look and feel.
Thing is I’ve received this compliment so much this month. “You look well!”.. so then why can’t I stand myself right now? I know these people are being genuine too.. but we just have such different standards I guess. I don’t look how I’m supposed to in my mind. And once I do... I think I’ll probably look terrible to everyone else.
Fuck I don’t know. To me “well” translates to “fat” and I haven’t eaten in 2 days and I just wish I’d never had all the binges. And now I’m upset and want more than anything just to binge because fuck it.
But I can’t. I won’t. I want to be who I see in my head.. I’m just so far away from her and it hurts.
[Help] Tips on how to lose appetite/wanting to eat?
/u/jaclynct
Created: Thu Oct 11 02:30:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n838z/tips_on_how_to_lose_appetitewanting_to_eat/
---
last year i got to my goal weight of 110 pounds by restricting my calories but since then, i have gained about 15 pounds back. i just can’t stop the binging. can anybody gives me tips and what you personally do and know works, on losing appetite and completely not wanting to eat. like for example, one day i ate something that caused me to get nauseous and i couldn’t eat anything for an entire day because of it. tips like that, stuff that will make me kind of disgusted by food? idk.
[Rant/Rave] just had 3 bowls of oatmeal at 3am
/u/smolcal
Created: Thu Oct 11 02:13:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n80cy/just_had_3_bowls_of_oatmeal_at_3am/
---
and i still want more food but i don't keep binge food in my apartment so gonna go make my fourth bowl of oatmeal and convince myself it's ok cause I'm only at 600 calories and can just count it as breakfast for tomorrow and then cry myself to sleep afterwards
[Help] I feel like my therapist is kinda shit now...
/u/applesauceistheenemy [5’10.5” | 140 | 19.5 | -70 lb | female]
Created: Thu Oct 11 00:50:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n7lhi/i_feel_like_my_therapist_is_kinda_shit_now/
---
So I know this is kinda off topic but I felt like I’d post it here because it’s really the only place I feel ‘safe’ anymore
I’ve disclosed to my therapist that I don’t eat a lot, that I only eat one meal a day or don’t eat for days at a time even, and she was just...unfazed??
Like she was just “eating is important for self care” but not like, concerned in any way.
I mean I’m not underweight (yet), but I felt like it was a red flag, maybe?
Also with my relationship, she’s so like...nonjudgmental. But in a bad way, kind of?
Like my relationship is why I got into disordered eating and I’m constantly being gaslit, it’s really bad actually, and when I describe any given scenario to anyone I know or even a stranger they immediately say “that’s abuse and you need to leave for your health.”
But my therapist...is just kinda like “well you love each other so I’m sure it’ll all work out” and???
It just kinda reaffirms the whole thing of “it’s not that bad” even though every single person I’ve told it to, apart from her or my partner, think it’s Really Fuckin Bad And You Should Run Now.
Kinda disappointed because I had high hopes for her, she’s very nice, but like...I’m not really...getting anywhere. Today I told her about how my gf refuses to take responsibility for saying or doing hurtful things and denies she does/says them and she just said “well you don’t have to take responsibility for her and you don’t have to go to her for emotional support, just talk to someone else”
I just feel like...maybe this is crazy, but,...I’d like to have a partner that I could reliably go to for emotional support without being hurt further??? Like without my pain being magnified ten times after talking to them?? Like why am I doing so much shit for this woman who can’t even sympathize with me at the most basic level?
Idk. I hoped it would go better. I felt like I needed a professional to say what was happening was wrong. But I didn’t get that. I have a ton of other people saying that, but not her. So I guess...nothing will change. I’m scared to leave, not strong enough to leave, maybe I’m really wrong about everything, blah blah blah. Maybe if I can restrict long enough I’ll drown out my gut feeling that this is fucked up. ._.
Post Binge Artwork
/u/li_hu_sh [5'3 | UGW 105 | CW y i k e s]
Created: Thu Oct 11 00:43:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n7jzt/post_binge_artwork/
---
https://imgur.com/a/nO8AYir
[Help] recently officially diagnosed! need help understanding everything
/u/icecreamsandcastle
Created: Thu Oct 11 00:36:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n7iso/recently_officially_diagnosed_need_help/
---
Hi guys, I was recently officially diagnosed with EDNOS, and was told to eat 3 meals a day with snacks in between. I am sort of disappointed because my nutritionist stated this advice without much clarification, and I feel this is easier said than done. I feel that I am overweight and I really do need to lose weight and I was wondering how it is possible to lose weight while eating so much? In addition, can I recover and lose weight at the same time? I really don't like eating this much food it just seems so excessive. Has anyone gone through this when first starting recovery? How do I know I am eating enough, or if i am eating too much? My next appointment is in a couple weeks but I am dedicated to getting bette, just not necessarily fatter? Thank you
Some Positive Affirmations to Start the Day
/u/burningbambi
Created: Thu Oct 11 00:27:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n7h46/some_positive_affirmations_to_start_the_day/
---
I've been trying to approach my weight loss and restricting through a self-love perspective instead of my usual meanspo thoughts of "starve you worthless fat bitch"
1) Today will be a good body day, I will focus on how well I've done this past week and how this will affect my figure
2) I will enjoy going for a run because the burn in my chest is a good pain, unlike the bad pain in my mind
3) I will look after future-me by drinking lots of water and not eating over 500cals today
4) I will study so my mind is not constantly on my ED, whilst being productive
5) I will reply to the messages that people send me and not ignore them for days, because these people love me
6) I am in control. I am becoming the person I want to be. It will take time. But I will get there.
We've got this guys.
[Help] It’s all going downhill. (LONG)
/u/1O12O7
Created: Thu Oct 11 00:01:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n7c12/its_all_going_downhill_long/
---
Hey guys,
It’s all slipping. The last few months have been... okay? I’ve managed to not gain any weight, but I also haven’t lost any. I’ve made myself busy enough that I don’t really think about it too much (college is crazy). But this month marks about a year of the best and worst relationship of my life.
Last year, I met this guy, let’s call him Steve. So I met Steve the day after I attempted suicide. Sleeping pills are a hell of a drug. So I met Steve and I was instantly consumed. A week later, we went on our first date. And it was the best date ever. There’s really no way to explain how amazing this guy was. He made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world, he was driven and talented. The next 4 months were ecstasy, a whirlwind of us talking about life together, of him telling me that he wanted to marry me. And then, one day, I was blocked on everything. I called, sent right to voicemail. He texted me “Please don’t contact me again.” I had never told him about my eating disorder, my mental health history. Queue a month of me in the dark, trying to figure out what happened with little or no response from him. Then, he unblocked me on IG, and that’s when I met her. Let’s call her Amy. He was with Amy. I checked Amy’s IG and she had pictures dating back to when him and I met. He had been with her the whole time. I remember laying in bed, sobbing, a razor in my hand, wondering what she did that I couldn’t, why did he choose her? My scars are still red. She was beautiful. Short and skinny and blond. Perfect for him. No scars to be seen. So of course, I spent the next few months in the darkest place of my life. Eating disorder, self harm, depression, suicidal thoughts. Eventually, I moved on, I accepted it. I got “better”. I went to college and didn’t have time to think about him.
But now, all I can think about is him. The weather, the signs of fall, Halloween coming up, everything reeks of Steve. And I can’t breath.
So now here I am, back at it. Back to wearing huge sweatshirts to cover my body so no one sees the cuts or the fat. Fasting to feel something, purging the two bites of food I ate. Hating myself. Everything was going so well, I was okay, I was growing and healing. And it just fucking hit me with no warning. Came out of nowhere. And I’m drowning, I can’t breath, I can’t move. I’m calling for help, what do I do? What can I do? I can’t have him, but that’s all I want. I feel like I’m dying, like I’ll kill myself before I get the chance to starve to death. If only I had been good enough. Skinny enough. Weighed less. Had fewer mental problems. Where can I go from here? There’s no more hope.
[Discussion] Tall people?
/u/applesauceistheenemy [5’10.5” | 140 | 19.5 | -70 lb | female]
Created: Wed Oct 10 23:57:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n7bda/tall_people/
---
I’m 5’10.5”
Just today found out I fit into size 6 jeans and was fuckin THRILLED
Currently weigh ~ 137 but my goal is 130.
High weight was 185 and low weight was 110.
Really wish I was shorter so I could be ‘cute’ but short girls tell me they wish they were taller so they could ‘look like a model’ so grass is always greener, I guess?
I’m the shortest in my family. Brother is 5’11.5” and also has an Ed, mom is 6’1” and dad is 6’2”.
[Rant/Rave] hahahaha thanks i didnt ask
/u/jayka_ [167cm / 5"6 F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 23:32:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n767s/hahahaha_thanks_i_didnt_ask/
---
"Are you losing more weight? Your legs are looking too skinny."
"Are you sure you want to eat that whole protein bar? I just eat half for dessert."
"I haven't eaten all day, I was too busy."
"Have you heard of this diet/food? Here look, Dr. Oz/Phil/Axe recommends it!"
"Are you gaining weight? Oh no, you need to lay off the ____."
"Are you losing weight? But you look so attractive already!"
I wish I was as skinny as you like I used to."
"You need more variety, have some bread!"
"Oh my god, I've gained so much weight and I have no idea why! I look horrible!"
"Are you sure you should be eating that at this time?"
Oh fuck off mother.
You're morbidly obese because you keep buying Walmart pastries and drink half a bottle of wine a night. Have you ever considered that you should lose weight for your health and not to look like you did in your 30s? Why are you always starting healthy eating next week or once you're able to start walking again? I offered to cook for you ffs.
Can you make up your mind about how my weight makes you feel instead of giving me a new opinion on my weight's direction and if it's good or not every week? And can you not tell me on the process? For someone so convinced I have an ED solely for appearance reasons you sure talk about mine all the time and constantly bitch about yours.
Stop giving me unsolicited inaccurate fad diet advice. Stop insisting I need it. Why are you handing out diet advice if you have no control over your own diet? Stop calling yourself low-carb if you eat frozen pizza and potatoes for dinner since you hate to cook.
But thanks for bothering with actual treatment those few times. If only if it was for reasons other than "you're making us look bad" or "nobody does something that shameful in our family". Dick.
[Rant/Rave] Seriously what is wrong with me
/u/TallHoe_InA_Tahoe
Created: Wed Oct 10 23:18:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n73dk/seriously_what_is_wrong_with_me/
---
My best friend is doing so well at losing weight and I'm super jealous and competitive so I deal with that by... stuffing my face? Seriously she told me her weight and I went on a straight 2 day binge. why am I like this. you would think that would be motivation for me not to eat like a fatass but I guess I'm meant to be the designated ugly fat friend
[Rant/Rave] i binged for the last time.
/u/dollydomer [5'6 | 107.8|GW 100 |F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 23:18:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n73cm/i_binged_for_the_last_time/
---
nope no more. im done. im not doing that. i binged a little bit over the weekend and i have just decided that i am not bingeing.
decision made. it’s final. that’s it
i will only restrict. but i absolutely refuse to binge anymore.
part of this is driven by trying to be a real anorexic. because technically i was diagnosed with ednos but i restrict and sometimes binge. that’s it i don’t puke i don’t use laxatives or run or anything. there are plenty of emaciated anorexics who don’t binge so that’s how it gotta be in my mind
[Rant/Rave] Fighting the two sides of me
/u/asiaticlily [5’10 | 134.4 | 19 | -47 lbs | F22]
Created: Wed Oct 10 23:18:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n73ck/fighting_the_two_sides_of_me/
---
I’m in this weird mental space where I’m almost happy with my weight/eating right now.. I’ve gained like 5 pounds from my lowest weight. With those 5 pounds on me, I get to workout every day, and be mentally present/happy, and not feel constantly light headed and nauseous.. I count my calories, but 1,500 seems like an “ok” number to me for the first time in a while.. I burn about 2,400 a day because I do intense workouts, but working out gives me a rush of endorphins now. It doesn’t seem like a chore that I have to do because I ate over my 800 calorie “limit” anymore. I’m getting stronger in my lifts, and faster on my runs. There is a huge part of me that is screaming whenever I step on the scale and see it increase... but I’m fighting it so hard. I like the me that I am right now. I’m strong. I don’t need to starve. I don’t need to drink until I blackout everyday just to deal with life. I think I’m turning a corner without even really trying to since I was just so fed up with the miserable life I was living. Idk what this post even is, but I had to get this out. I think I’m seeing that there’s hope for me.
[Rant/Rave] Can’t lose weight
/u/balletarius [5'3 | CW 115 | GW 90 | BMI 20.4 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 23:12:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n725k/cant_lose_weight/
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I barely eat 500 calories a day and I exercise pretty rigorously (ballet) but I’m still the same sack of flab I’ve been for the last two months! And don’t even get me started on the lower abdomen pouch ruining any chance I have at a flat stomach... ughhh why can’t I not suck at just one thing in life
Wonderful....
/u/bullymeahhh
Created: Wed Oct 10 23:09:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n71gx/wonderful/
---
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1740144517302528
I’m not going to be someone’s second choice again
/u/raspberryfleur [5'4 | 102 | 17.5 | -75 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 23:01:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n6zp9/im_not_going_to_be_someones_second_choice_again/
---
Well, I’m going to be single again
I dated this guy for a couple months and stupid little naive me didn’t realize I was pretty much a second choice :) he said he was over his breakup with his fiancée but he’s wrong.
She called him two weeks ago. He’s still moody and distraught over the call. He told me about it ASAP. He still wants to be friends with her and hangout, as in see a movie or have dinner. The two of them. I might be naive but even I can figure out that he has feelings for her. For fucks sake; he still has a couple of her shirts and he’s dumped a girl for her before.
Well. That all there tells me I need to have some self-respect and breakup. At least i was only in it for a couple months. I know it’s nothing, still hard to break up. At least I can focus on losing weight again.
Then maybe one day I’ll be worth it to be someone’s first choice.
[Rant/Rave] Finally texted my therapist
/u/applesauceistheenemy [5’10.5” | 140 | 19.5 | -70 lb | female]
Created: Wed Oct 10 22:41:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n6vcs/finally_texted_my_therapist/
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About my toxic, (possibly abusive) relationship. I’m scared as fuck. I’m so fucking scared. It’s like, THE reason I have an Ed in the first place.
But I’m used to being blamed. Used to being told I’m the toxic one. Used to having my mental illnesses used against me, my emotions used against me, memories used against me. I don’t even know what’s real and what isn’t anymore, and I haven’t for a really fucking long time.
I used to talk to my friends about it but then I got paranoid it’d get back to my partner. I’m too paranoid to talk about it on Facebook groups because I don’t know who could be a member. Only reason I’m posting this now is because I’m so anonymous and untraceable on here.
But still. Scared as fuck about it. If she agrees with them it’s gonna destroy me. Send good vibes pls
Binge/ Purge
/u/cutthroat12 [27yo |5'6"| CW:130 | HW: 160 | GW: 110]
Created: Wed Oct 10 22:34:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n6tso/binge_purge/
---
Eat pancakes, eggs, sausage, cinnamon toast bites
purge
weigh myself
eat cake and ice cream
purge
weigh myself
eat crackers and trail mix
purge
weigh myself
​
:\\
What is your relationship with exercising?
/u/Pollyhotpocketposts
Created: Wed Oct 10 22:32:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n6tdu/what_is_your_relationship_with_exercising/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/exproed/comments/9mxbof/what_is_your_relationship_with_exercising/
support group for people who are addicted to amberlynn reid videos
/u/juulorexia [20f | vegan | 5'2" | goal bmi: 14]
Created: Wed Oct 10 21:53:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n6kjq/support_group_for_people_who_are_addicted_to/
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600 pound life who? fucking amberlynn reid videos are ALL my recommended videos now.
i never understood people like making fun of trisha paytas cause a. she's hot imo b. she doesn't get real obsessive about food c. she's big but ... not this ...
amberlynn reid scares and titillates me like no one else on the internet. her inability to commit to a diet and follow through with the things she needs to do (and the resultant 550 pounds of fat slogging off her body) make me REALLY want to stay on track.
Unusual progress milestones?
/u/famarino [5’3 | CW: 103| 18.3 | UGW: 90| F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 21:43:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n6i78/unusual_progress_milestones/
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I realized this week that when I lean up against the counter at work, I hit my hip bones and it hurts, but I weirdly love the feeling because of the progress that it represents (I know, I’m weird). Usually I’m too blinded by my body dysmorphia to see any progress in my body even if the number’s been going down on the scale, so little moments like these actually make me feel like I’m getting somewhere.
DAE have unusual body checks or milestones?
I don't believe I am the clothes size I am - is this a thing?
/u/skinemergency
Created: Wed Oct 10 21:43:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n6i6e/i_dont_believe_i_am_the_clothes_size_i_am_is_this/
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Hi all,
This is my first time posting here although I've lurked for a while. This is kind of me finally admitting I, at the very least, have picked up some disordered eating habits in the ~10 months I've been losing weight. I'm petite (barely 5'2"), and when I started losing last year was 145ish lbs; very chubby, stout, often bloated etc. I've since got to around 110, and am finally skinny! I went shopping at Madewell recently and was kind of in disbelief when a top I tried on was an XS, and a skirt a 0 (!) When I look at myself in the mirror, though, I really don't see a body that warrants those sizes? And I feel like I'm just flattering myself since brands like Madewell certainly vanity size?
Anyone else feel similarly?
Does thinking burn calories?
/u/desertfractal [5'5"|CW:125|GW:109.9|21.05| 23F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 21:24:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n6dp1/does_thinking_burn_calories/
---
I was just working on biostats hw and was curious lol, I really feel exhausted after using my brain hardcore sometimes
What supplements do you take?
/u/800goat [5'6"| CW::cake: | GW: 106| M]
Created: Wed Oct 10 21:13:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n6axo/what_supplements_do_you_take/
---
I've never bothered with them really because I don't understand them. Kind of a dumb question but I'm also only 17 so are there ones I can't buy? Like I know some kinds of medicine you have to be 18 to purchase.
Does anybody else think "Hunger Games" would have been a more suitable title for a movie about anorexics?
/u/digiskunk [5'4" | 125lbs | 21.5 | 75lbs | M]
Created: Wed Oct 10 20:56:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n66lt/does_anybody_else_think_hunger_games_would_have/
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just a passing thought.
[Rant/Rave] I'm not allowed to call it a relapse
/u/54y95s785 [5'8| | BMI 23 | LW: 106 lbs | -6 lbs | F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 20:54:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n65zp/im_not_allowed_to_call_it_a_relapse/
---
Not until I've lost at least ten pounds.
Not until I can stick to my old restriction patterns for more than a few days before rebounding and undoing any progress I made.
Not until other people notice.
And anyway, is it really a relapse if I never really stopped obsessing? If my eating habits never really evened out into something normal? I never got better, I just got fatter. It's not a relapse if I've always been sick.
[Discussion] Looking for new low calorie drinks!
/u/coffee-vanilla [F | 5’9 | CW:150 GW:130]
Created: Wed Oct 10 20:52:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n65ii/looking_for_new_low_calorie_drinks/
---
Low calorie drinks make restricting so much easier! I currently drink pepsi max, coffee, monster energy ultra (white one) and water (duh). What other drinks are good?
[Discussion] what kind of clothes do you wear usually to feel less fat?
/u/itsyaboifranzi [5'0" | whale | -14 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 20:50:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n64wr/what_kind_of_clothes_do_you_wear_usually_to_feel/
---
pants specifically, but general clothing stuff in fine too :)
Meals
/u/emlae_reddit
Created: Wed Oct 10 20:43:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n63ea/meals/
---
I think this is where I post this, so...
I have been trying to start fasting and things like that, but my family always eats dinner together. What should I do to make sure I don't gain weight
“healthy weight gain”
/u/ellissaa
Created: Wed Oct 10 20:38:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n624i/healthy_weight_gain/
---
so technically i’m in recovery now. i’m trying to listen to what my doctors tell me about weight gain, but it feels like they care more about the number on the scale than me actually being healthy. like one doctor told me to quit eating fruit and veggies alongside my meals- she said they take up “too much space” and that i should sub them out with fries or something- and another doctor told me to eat a “big bowl of ice cream” every night. i mean i know that they’re doctors and they’ve been doing this for years, but what they’re telling me to do just doesn’t seem right? does anyone have advice?
[Rant/Rave] Got dumped; immediately thought I wasn’t skinny enough
/u/nanithefuckshouldido
Created: Wed Oct 10 20:32:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n60nw/got_dumped_immediately_thought_i_wasnt_skinny/
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I got dumped out of the fucking blue today and my immediate thought was: “I’m not skinny enough for him. I’m still too fat” Even though my appearance had nothing to do with it. I was standing in front of a mirror when this happened, and I saw myself and cried even harder.
I thought I was getting better at this so I’m fucking frustrated.
So on top of being sad as shit, I can’t eat any comfort foods to make me less sad bc then I won’t be restricting and that’ll me more sad.
Fucking shit.
[Help] Anyone use the Life fasting app?
/u/GetToTheStore
Created: Wed Oct 10 20:23:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n5yc1/anyone_use_the_life_fasting_app/
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[removed]
[Help] i just binged really hard :(
/u/SteelPandas [5'5" | CW: 130 | GW: 115 | 19F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 20:22:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n5y34/i_just_binged_really_hard/
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i dont have much to say but im just really upset. i usually never end up binging but i just ate a whole box of daiya mac and cheese and a bag of chips and im so angry and depressed with myself right now :(
any coping advice?
[Rant/Rave] Anyone else have an over spending problem?
/u/applesauceistheenemy [5’10.5” | 140 | 19.5 | -70 lb | female]
Created: Wed Oct 10 20:19:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n5x7j/anyone_else_have_an_over_spending_problem/
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It seems like the less I eat, the more I spend. I overdrew my account by quite a bit this month. Idk how to make it better. I don’t go on wild shopping sprees or drop hundreds or thousands in one trip. Instead it’s like one thing here, several things there...you get the idea. It’s like I’m looking for fulfillment somewhere, and because I’m not getting it in my life and also because I’m restricting so I’m not getting it with food, I spend money. This was a problem before I started restricting a lot though. I think it’s really always been a problem for me. My mom has the same issue. Feeling bad? We’ll buy something to cheer ya up! Not that it’s her fault now, it’s my responsibility. My brother has EDNOS as well, which is another thing my mom...influenced, but he has the opposite of my spending issue; he’s like my dad instead & never spends money on himself for anything. Lives in a studio apartment with a mattress and a chair as his furniture, eats the simplest foods, never buys himself clothes unless he absolutely has to. I wish I was more like him. Thought I dodged the Ed thing until this year, but turns out I didn’t. I don’t know if these are related at all, but thought I’d ask. If anything I felt like binge eating disorder would be more related, but for me it’s the opposite. I never, ever binge. If I gain weight it’s just because I’m not restricting or exercising enough.
im so over this
/u/thrillofyourcharms
Created: Wed Oct 10 20:11:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n5v8n/im_so_over_this/
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i have been overeating and occasionally binging almost *everyday* for almost a month and its driving me insane. school has been more stressful than ever and my brain apparently decided that food would be the only way for me to cope and relax. i stopped bringing lunches to school and now i just eat snacks/meals like every half hour when i get home from 3pm-9pm and i cant handle it anymore. ive gained almost 10 lbs in the past 2 months and i feel absolutely disgusting. i hate this so much and i wish for once that i had a healthy relationship with food and that it didnt consume my entire life. it seems like all i think about nowadays is just school, suicide, and food.
[Help] How do I tell my weight on the scale??? I don’t know which one it is!
/u/Belarie [5'4", 130, F :)]
Created: Wed Oct 10 20:11:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n5v4x/how_do_i_tell_my_weight_on_the_scale_i_dont_know/
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I have some old af scale and do I look at the shadow it casts from the weight dial(like the clock hand) or the actual dial? I’ll post a picture if there’s confusion! I’m either 127 or 130 and I don’t know!!
Sorry if this is a bad thing to post on this sub. :,)
[Help] PMS bingeing
/u/yikeroniandcheese
Created: Wed Oct 10 20:10:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n5utn/pms_bingeing/
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Anyone have a way to stop fucking eating when on their period? I’m just after everything in sight ALL the time.
[Rant/Rave] "You're gonna get fat working here"
/u/hemp_heart
Created: Wed Oct 10 20:08:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n5u8u/youre_gonna_get_fat_working_here/
---
Sigh. I've been doing pretty well in self-recovery for the past few months but this comment was like a kick in the ribs. A kick right back on the relapse train. So hello again old friends. I made a fresh new account for my fresh new ED thoughts.
It's my first week working at a beloved American grocery chain. I'm truly so excited to be working here. I have a deep love of (maybe obsession with) grocery stores, especially this one. They treat their employees really well and constantly have snacks out so their employees are both fed and knowledgeable of their products.
I hadn't eaten much yesterday at work and decided to try a TINY slice of vegan banana bread left out for everyone and a coworker saw me nomming and told me that I was going to get fat working here. I was obviously irrationally triggered by this comment even though I laughed it off. It's been haunting me and repeating in my brain ever since.
Before I was ok maintaining my weight but now the petty disorder in me is awake and I want to lose a noticeable amount. For what? To prove a girl wrong about a comment she made toward me and probably forgot she said 2 seconds later? I guess so. Feels bad to be back on my bullshit.
The bright side for me right now is that my Fitbit says I walked 20,000 steps my first shift at the new place which is double what I walked at my last job. TDEE's going up. Just need to steer clear of break room snacks and I'll reach my stupid, petty, pointless goal in no time.
[Rant/Rave] Wowww I just ate 5 servings of 70 cal hummus
/u/boneybabybitch [5'4" | GW birthweight | BMI 16.3 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 19:59:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n5rtg/wowww_i_just_ate_5_servings_of_70_cal_hummus/
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I am horrified. It didn’t even feel like that much. :(
Canker sores
/u/loseitjen [5'8 |SW 140|CW ?!|GW 115| F21]
Created: Wed Oct 10 19:48:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n5oxe/canker_sores/
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So obviously I'm here chugging my energy drinks and diet mountain dew to suppress my appetite and it works well. But unfortunately it makes my mouth one giant open sore. Not literally BUT IT FEELS LIKE IT. So do you guys have an tips or drink recs that'll cause less canker sores??
JUUL vape
/u/onerousboners
Created: Wed Oct 10 19:37:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n5m77/juul_vape/
---
I am a 90s kid, infused with D.A.R.E. and that sense of black-and-white morality only children and the un-wise can have. I shamed my mom for smoking to the point of eliciting slaps.
So I never smoked cigarettes. I did a couple times because eventually when the DARE glamor wore off and i realized I was lied to, I didnt want to have a vehement opinion until I actually TRIED something. And to my relief, cigarettes sucked. How could anyone get addicted ti this shit?
(I did end up becoming a total pothead, which isn't totally relevant but I want to be transparent here.)
My husband smoked though, and while he has technically quit, the addiction rears its fugly head when we drink (which is...a LOT). He bought a pack a month ago, and felt garbage-y. Then he bought a Juul.
Maybe weed got me into that sucking feeling, that oral fixation. I tried it, and liked it. What is this fun-floaty feeling?? Gah!
Started sharing dat family Juul more and more. Finally bought myself one. Now I'm enamoured.
How does this drug do everything I need it to? When I'm hungry, poof! Now I'm sated. When I'm tired, poof! Now I'm alert. And the best: I'm anxious, POOF! Relaxed. How can something that gives me energy also calm me down???
I know the data is SO new, and who knows what cancer this could cause, but so far...so good. Tar gives you cancer, and vaping bypasses this. And the Juul is so fun to put to your lips. I exhale and feel like a fucking dragon. The limited edition cucumber flavor is amazing, and mint, and and and
Dudes, I really love this thing. It's the only reason I've been maintaining my weed tolerance break. (MJ is my wife and I'll never divorce, but absence makes the tolerance grow greater....)
You can get the apparatus and flavor cartridges at any gas station (I live in SoCal, tho). They come with CHARGE so you can use it right away!
I FUCKING LOVE MY JUUL
thoughts?
[Rant/Rave] My roommate is jealous
/u/Yoni1660
Created: Wed Oct 10 19:27:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n5jjt/my_roommate_is_jealous/
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My (soon to be ex) roommate is trying to act like she’s not hungry and just couldn’t finish her THIRD WAFFLE because she hasn’t really had an appetite. She also ate chicken nuggets.
She’s heard me bullshit about not having an appetite and weight falling off. She’s on the heavy side and tried dieting and exercise but she gave up after like 2 weeks. She hates my guts and I know it drives her crazy that even her friends comment on my weight loss. Especially the one she’s been obsessively trying to date lmao.
[Other] On a fast now, help me choose how long!
/u/BluntCakes_
Created: Wed Oct 10 19:25:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n5izx/on_a_fast_now_help_me_choose_how_long/
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Like I said, I’m in the middle of a fast- but maybe not the middle. I’m 24 hours in. I wanted to make it a little more fun, have a challenge- be held accountable, I guess. So I wanted to ask you guys to choose how long I should try to go for! The most I’ve ever done has been 50 hours, for reference. I also just want to say that I really love this community, and all the love and support that comes with it no matter what stage we’re all at. So thank you for being there!
[Tip] the whole bag for 360 calories
/u/crossdressingcarp [5’10 | 20 | f | cw: 🐘 | 🍑🌱🐻]
Created: Wed Oct 10 19:24:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n5ipb/the_whole_bag_for_360_calories/
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https://i.redd.it/q9tut01tkgr11.jpg
[Goal] How long can I resist binging on cookie dough...
/u/NeutralSmithHotel [6'1.4 | CW: 184 | BMI: 24.3| HW: 370| M]
Created: Wed Oct 10 19:20:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n5htd/how_long_can_i_resist_binging_on_cookie_dough/
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Ok. So I made three small chocolate chip cookies with some vanilla ice cream. Ate them, totally fucking tasty.
Normally I'd have to throw the extra dough and ice cream away and spray that with detergent... but I'm going to try something crazy. I'm going to leave it in my fridge and freezer... and maybe not eat any more of it for 2 days...
Let's see how long before I have to throw them away or binge on them. Gonna be hard, but I'm really gonna try.
[Rant/Rave] Looking at old pictures of myself makes me cry
/u/smarieculp [5’7| 145|22.7 | HW: 145 | LW: 118 | GW: 110 | 19F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 19:20:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n5hpw/looking_at_old_pictures_of_myself_makes_me_cry/
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I was so perfect. Invincible. I was strong and thin and nothing could stop me. I could run for an hour straight and then hit the elliptical all after track practice on a rice cake. I had a purpose. I can’t even go 2 days of restricting what I used to and I don’t even exercise anymore because I p much blew my knees out from going on the treadmill so much and I can’t run. It’s just pathetic and I hate myself and I would do anything if I could just go back. I’m way more miserable now, 30 pounds later, than I ever was at my smallest. Fml
[Discussion] I actually don’t mind when my boyfriend calls me thiccc
/u/not-creative-enough-
Created: Wed Oct 10 19:02:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n5d3g/i_actually_dont_mind_when_my_boyfriend_calls_me/
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I kind of love it to be honest because I know he is referencing my thighs, but my problem is that not all of my “thicc” stays on the lower half. The majority is right smack dab in the middle. Seriously my chest is skin and bones, me and my sister have NEVER had a problem with collar bones not showing (I love them!! For reference her bmi classifies her as “obese” but she’s like bordering the overweight/obese line) Anyway, absolutely none is on my butt which makes me incredibly sad, and my boobs are slightly bigger than average but ehhh not really. I really wish I carried my “thicc” better.
[Rant/Rave] Job makes it hard to restrict, now I’m stuck in a binge/purge cycle
/u/cocksniper
Created: Wed Oct 10 19:02:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n5cwd/job_makes_it_hard_to_restrict_now_im_stuck_in_a/
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So before I started working I could easily high restrict and feel pretty decent on 700-1100 calories a day with the occasional 500 cal day thrown in but in July I got a job at a fast food place and since then I’ve been in hell.
Now not only am I surrounded by greasy high calorie food all day but I usually start work between 5-6am, and as a result I find it hard to get enough sleep at night, then after work, which ends at around 2pm, I have to walk home, which takes about an hr and 15mins most days.
So when I get home im stressed, exhausted and just feel ravenous... this has resulted in being stuck in a binge/purge cycle and I don’t want to live like this, I’m terrified about the damage I’m doing to my teeth and I’m not losing any weight, it’s driving me insane, I feel like I’ve lost complete control over my life and I can’t trust myself with food anymore.
I’ve tried trying to eat breakfast and more food on my break and I’ve tried just not eating at all until I get home and either way the day ends the same, me pigging out on whatever is in the house and my head in the toilet bowl.
I want to die.
[Discussion] DAE get flu like symptoms when low restricting?
/u/oxygens_overrated [5'4|CW:126|LW:113|GW1:125 |18F|]
Created: Wed Oct 10 19:01:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n5ctz/dae_get_flu_like_symptoms_when_low_restricting/
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I feel like a have a fever (can’t check ATM because I don’t have a thermometer), I feel generally ill and weak, and I have a headache that won’t quit.
[Discussion] DAE have a “junk” food as a safe food?
/u/npozero
Created: Wed Oct 10 19:00:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n5cil/dae_have_a_junk_food_as_a_safe_food/
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Mine is like any of the flaming hot chips. I’ve always loved spicy food. Also once I eat some I don’t want anything else.
[Image] The best Project you will ever work is on You
/u/6sixofspades66
Created: Wed Oct 10 18:44:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n589i/image_the_best_project_you_will_ever_work_is_on/
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https://i.redd.it/l8exrut1eer11.jpg
I took my turn at recovery and here I am, 12 pounds fatter and wanting to die
/u/javi-paz
Created: Wed Oct 10 18:31:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n54vx/i_took_my_turn_at_recovery_and_here_i_am_12/
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I was restricting too heavily and purging addictively. My throat was aching so bad and I even developed calluses on my knuckles and so I decided to stop. I stopped weighing myself, read recovery books and what not, just to be here once again, incredibly unsatisfied with the results. Yeah, maybe the time I didn't weigh myself I didn't feel the urge to throw up everything I ate, but it didn't stop the obsessive thoughts or the constant body checking or the angst in the mornings when I get dressed and have to face the mirror. I'm still all that and now I'm also fat. My fucking pants don't fit, I had to get a size up and I just feel so betrayed. Betrayed from the "you won't get fat", "you gain water weight when recovering" "you will recover, just start eating normally". For christ sake if I ever knew how to eat normally I would have to read your stupid ass books that explain me how to do it. I just can't live with the fact of being obsessive about my body and also having objective reasons to hate it.
I just tried on some pants and started to cry. I had to weigh myself. 12 fucking pounds. It's insane. I'm ashamed to ever leave my house again. I can't be seen like this. How did I let this happen...
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[Rant/Rave] DAE feel like all their classmates hate them?
/u/azuredreamtofsleep [5'2 | 183 lbs | GW: 100 lbs| -30 | ]
Created: Wed Oct 10 18:13:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n50aa/dae_feel_like_all_their_classmates_hate_them/
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Slightly embarrassing since I should'nt care about this stuff, but I'm a senior in uni and I just feel like all my classmates think i suck or something. They always look pained whenever i try to make small talk with them, even when I've had like 3 or 4 classes with them.
The worst is when I think I'm getting along with a classmate decently, then almost out of nowhere they're super cold to me. Everytime I think "oh my God I think I've made a friend", practically the next class period they'll shu away from me.
I like to think I'm a pretty self aware person. I mull over in my brain what I'm doing wrong, and I cant really think of any specific thing I might have done or said.
I'm just broken I guess.
And all my professors always look at me like I'm a waste of time too. That just adds to the social anxiety. Everyone either pretends I don't exist or look at me like a freak. I'm trying my damn hardest....
Im gonna graduate uni with no real friends or connections and the more I realize that, the more I just want to jump off the fucking building and die.
I want people to worry about me
/u/peacecorpsquestion3 [5’6 | 118]
Created: Wed Oct 10 18:09:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4z2s/i_want_people_to_worry_about_me/
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I just want somebody to come up to me and say “are you ok? You’re looking really skinny” or something like that. That would be the ultimate validation. And then I just want to shake it off and say “oh my gosh you’re sweet but I’m better than ever!”
this is so pathetic lmao
[Rant/Rave] i hate you, Krispy Kreme
/u/lighghtup [5'7" | 167 | 26.2 | 19F | -10 | thicc]
Created: Wed Oct 10 18:09:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4yzi/i_hate_you_krispy_kreme/
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i hate you i love you i hate that i love you
three donuts deep into a dozen, please pray for my cal count today
[Other] You are what you eat, a pasty white ass fucking star. ⭐️💫🌟✨ (seen a shooting star tonight)
/u/littlegoldsmith
Created: Wed Oct 10 18:08:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4yp3/you_are_what_you_eat_a_pasty_white_ass_fucking/
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https://i.redd.it/n18czkjd7gr11.jpg
[Discussion] What are your safe foods
/u/citrus_juuiice
Created: Wed Oct 10 18:00:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4wvm/what_are_your_safe_foods/
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I don’t really have safe foods, most food is scary. So I’m wondering what are yours?
[Help] I wanna fast but I’m sick
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 |CW 117 | GW 115 | GW 105-110 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 17:52:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4ukm/i_wanna_fast_but_im_sick/
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I have a headache, low grade fever, runny nose, cough and sneezing, feel low energy. Tomorrow I might cancel plans with my bf cuz I’m sick and then I wouldn’t have to eat. Walking to the dining hall takes so much energy I don’t have. It’s easier to just fast. On Friday I could fast too. Idk I ate a lot today so I’m afraid to eat tomorrow and friday.
Trying not to skip meals and started stealing instead
/u/obviousEDthrowaway
Created: Wed Oct 10 17:41:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4rvy/trying_not_to_skip_meals_and_started_stealing/
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Lmao I don't fucking know why. For the past 2 months, I've been really trying to not skip meals, stop with a 300-400 calorie OMAD, and stop taking Bronkaid every single day, and I've started shoplifting literally every single time I go shopping.
It's mostly makeup and skincare stuff, it feels good to do and I don't want to spend $25 on concealer anyways. It started happening out of nowhere and I just have this urge to do it now.
Maybe I should tell my therapist 🤷♀️
My little sister has an ED, how to approach?
/u/UsuallyOnVoat
Created: Wed Oct 10 17:41:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4rvp/my_little_sister_has_an_ed_how_to_approach/
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She still lives with our mom and her brother, but mom doesn't know. My little brother also had heavy image issues and is at the gym constantly now, takes steroids and still feels forever small. I felt pretty bad I wasn't there for him, but we got through it and he's doing OK now.
Because of my little brother I've kept my eye on my sister while maintaining my distance, but I've noticed she's getting smaller and her clothes are getting baggier. Its not a dangerous level yet, but she's only 15 and I want to help her, but not make it worse. How would you want this brought up? She seems open to talking about. I'm the only 1 that knows.
She's about 100lbs, 5'1 and does a lot of running.
[Rant/Rave] This is the only thing I'll ever allow myself to eat for dessert. I don't know if your taste buds will love it as much as a halotop but mine LOVE IT.
/u/lowfatavocado [5'6.5'' | cw117 | bmi18.6 | gw 110 | F23]
Created: Wed Oct 10 17:35:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4qcg/this_is_the_only_thing_ill_ever_allow_myself_to/
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https://i.redd.it/5g5nu0pk1gr11.jpg
What should i consider my height to be?
/u/rosepetalmemories
Created: Wed Oct 10 17:35:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4q88/what_should_i_consider_my_height_to_be/
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I'm 5'4.75 should I consider myself a 5'5 or a 5'4? Most calculators for bmi and caloric intake need the info and one inch seems to make a difference. What would you go with?
Fighting the urge to purge with my vibrator
/u/Clementineface
Created: Wed Oct 10 17:29:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4orq/fighting_the_urge_to_purge_with_my_vibrator/
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Apologies if this doesn’t belong here but I was curious...
Does anyone fight the urge to purge or binge by distracting themselves with masterbation/vibrator?
I just binged and a massive meal and instead of heading to the restroom to purge I grabbed my vibrator. The urge really diminished and I was able to go to class. Anyone else do this?
[Goal] I’m so TIRED of starting over
/u/FeatherMahogany59
Created: Wed Oct 10 17:18:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4lph/im_so_tired_of_starting_over/
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I’m too old to be constantly starting over but here I am AGAIN AND AGAIN restarting. I WILL stick something out one of these days.
-my diet
-my education
-my career
-even my hobbies! (I’m a BEGINNER artist and pianist at 23 years old)
I feel like my ED is just one of the things that I’m constantly cycling/starting over with 😩 Am I the only one?
(Sorry for the melodramatic rant- I’m just hungry)
I ruined a whole weeks progress in one day.
/u/J0_f0_sh0 [5'2 | CW118.4 | HW134 | GW115 | F21 | USMC ]
Created: Wed Oct 10 17:14:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4ksl/i_ruined_a_whole_weeks_progress_in_one_day/
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It happened a few days ago but I'm still beating myself up over it. I guess because I never binge ate before https://imgur.com/a/vfeGpFV I was doing so well with high restricting and then I started drinking and went over my calorie limit and said fuck it I guess I won't stop now. And I didn't even throw up! I usually throw up during/after drinking but I guess I ate so much food that it just soaked up all the booze.
[Discussion] Struggling , vaping, monster zero drinking
/u/Shewantstolive
Created: Wed Oct 10 17:13:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4kbi/struggling_vaping_monster_zero_drinking/
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I am not in a good frame of mind right now . I’ve been ridiculously tired this evening like I literally fell asleep for 15 minutes on my couch and I didn’t even realize it till I woke up . I ran 6.25 miles this morning , was planing on dry fasting for the whole day but after I woke up I drank a monster zero and now I’m having green tea and vaping. I can feel the hunger creeping in. I want it to go away and it’s literally like , hey girl, let’s plan our next binge day okay? Yeah those Deadpool hand gummies you bought today and like a giant batch of kraft macaroni and cheese sound so so good right now am I right girrrl??? And I’m just like fucking stop it. So now I’m vaping and drinking a giant mug of green tea and vaping and I just took two tabs of morphine hoping it will take the edge off of my anxiety over feeling like I’m about to give in to eating when I fucking can’t because I have 8 more pounds to loose till I’m back to normal weight for my height of 5/3 and then 40 more pounds till my gw and all I want to be is tiny and to feel all of my bones . And now I feel like a fucking failure because I already broke my intent to not have liquids today . and I don’t want to fail at this anymore . And my brain is half laughing and half crying at me . Sorry for the long rant I just needed to get this off my chest .
5”0 folks (or any shorties rlly), whats your goal weight & thinspo
/u/meadow_sleep
Created: Wed Oct 10 17:09:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4jau/50_folks_or_any_shorties_rlly_whats_your_goal/
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i just saw a similar post for 5”6 ladies, for us on the shorter side, whats your goal weight!! mine is 97.5. I want to be under 100, and have a bit of breathing room for when i eat a lot lmao.
so much thinspo is like.. gorgeous 6”0 tall women with miles of legs, but i have like. no legs and my torso is short lol. my thinspo is shai.ron on instagram. shes BEAUTIFUL!!! and short!! wb yall? share!
[Rant/Rave] I just feel like I can’t relate :(
/u/Lunabell2
Created: Wed Oct 10 17:06:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4ih2/i_just_feel_like_i_cant_relate/
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I’m obese. 224 pounds at 5’6. I don’t look it because my body holds weight extremely evenly and I lift weights 5 days a week so I have a lot of dense muscle. I’m still big though. 5 years ago I was 124 pounds and nearly dead. My BMI was fine but I was in the beginning of liver failure and had heart flutters. I ran for hours at a time and ate an apple and 1 teaspoon of peanut butter a day.
Well, now I’ve had two kids. One of them has disabilities and had major surgery and wears prosthetics. My other is only 6 months old.
I miss my old body so much. I feel like I don’t belong here because I’m obese. I can’t seem to stop binging. I’ll do really well for days or even weeks but then binge until I’m fatter than I was before. I can’t stop body checking. I. Can’t. Stop. Destroying. Myself.
I see a therapist that specializes in EDs but I feel like such a fake person for going because I don’t look like I have an ED.
God. I just want to look at food and think “I don’t want that right now” instead of “if you don’t eat it now YOU WILL NEVER HAVE IT EVER AGAIN.”
Fuck me.
legitimately worried about Kaia Gerber....
/u/peacecorpsquestion3 [5’6 | 118]
Created: Wed Oct 10 16:54:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4f76/legitimately_worried_about_kaia_gerber/
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I mean she’s always been so thin but she’s definitely been getting thinner and her recent insta story made me gasp. Her BMI can’t be over 15.5. Growing up in an environment like that seems like such a catalyst for eating disorders. I know it’s dumb to be so worried about a celebrity but I am anyway whatever. Just hope she’s ok and she doesn’t let her career completely come over her health
[Rant/Rave] my feelings after i eat
/u/MeowMixIsSatan
Created: Wed Oct 10 16:53:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4en3/my_feelings_after_i_eat/
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i hate myself so much after i eat and it doesn’t even matter what it is. i just have this disappointed feeling with myself. like i could’ve definitely gone without those couple bites of chicken or bowl of cereal even though my stomach is crying for food. and when i don’t eat i’m so proud but so stressed about it at the same time. i smile when i feel the hunger building and when i get light headed it’s like some sick encouragement to keep going. i wish i could just not care anymore.
[Rant/Rave] I fucking ate for the first time since yesterday evening
/u/Gothsyndrome
Created: Wed Oct 10 16:52:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4el4/i_fucking_ate_for_the_first_time_since_yesterday/
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The voice was incredibly loud today and I was super hungry today when I came home from uni around 12:00 in the afternoon. I kept telling myself, “you have to eat”, but each time I would grab a plate and start to serve myself, I simply couldn’t proceed.
I started to cry and I really thought I wasn’t going to eat and I wanted to so bad, I really did I wanted that delicious pasta my mom made me with so much love. It wasn’t until 5:00p.m that I kept saying to myself, “you HAVE to eat or you’re going to get a F since you can’t concentrate on your homework”.
I just served myself despite the stupid voice telling me other wise. I was shaking the whole time when I would pick up the spoon, I hated myself for it afterwards, but I’m fucking proud of myself that I disobeyed the voice and told it to fuck off. Leave me alone voice!
When your co-worker asks what you packed for lunch today
/u/exgfbff [5'9 | CW 142 | SW 149 | GW 130]
Created: Wed Oct 10 16:46:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4cyl/when_your_coworker_asks_what_you_packed_for_lunch/
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https://i.redd.it/kh87jc2vsfr11.jpg
I am... disgusted.
/u/slut4dior
Created: Wed Oct 10 16:43:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4bye/i_am_disgusted/
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Ugh. There is nothing cute about this disease. Cooking a nice meal for friends and family then either just not eating it yourself so you end up with all this old, nasty food in the fridge, OR binging so you end up with a chopstick down your throat, puking into the garbage disposal, peeing down your own leg while you’re trying to get the food back up.
I always feel better after I purge, and tbh I feel amazing when I can go days restricting, but I still feel fucking gross.
I clean up after myself, but yuck, ya know?
[Rant/Rave] OMAD is like cheating
/u/gigi-has-issues [5'9"| CW 155| GW 115| F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 16:34:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n49l8/omad_is_like_cheating/
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I've finally switched back to OMAD and I forgot how much I love it. Today I planned a 1100 OMAD but got stuffed and stopped eating before 700! It's like cheating because you get the control of fasting, the fullness of binging, and it really shrinks your stomach. :) Just wanted to rave
[Rant/Rave] Loss is not linear
/u/CrushedOats
Created: Wed Oct 10 16:33:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n4955/loss_is_not_linear/
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https://imgur.com/a/JVrAvx2
Here is my weight loss for this year. There is no perfect line from my hw to my goal. I’m not even at my goal yet. Some days I bounce up, and then bounce back down. But the key is I’m still trying and I’m not getting these hills get to me. I have bad days but I also have good ones!! I want to assure you all that everyone has fluctuations. Your body is weird & doesn’t always do what you want it it do. Each day is a new day. Every morning is a new number! You just gotta stick around to see it 💓💓 please don’t get discouraged or worried. I love you all
[Discussion] Chew and spit calories?
/u/lilmdjd [5’3 | CW: 130 | BMI: 23 | LW: 94| - 17| 23F ]
Created: Wed Oct 10 16:29:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n481m/chew_and_spit_calories/
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I know there’s no definitive answer on this and this has been discussed before. I occasionally chew and spit, usually a baked good. I’m curious how/ If other people log chew and spit calories?
Where are my 5’6 peeps at? 🍑
/u/letgoor [5'6 | 136 |GW: 125ish| F |add me on peach if u wanna b friends:)]
Created: Wed Oct 10 16:08:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n427k/where_are_my_56_peeps_at/
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Trying to gather ‘round all the 5’6 bishes. Went to the doctor and apparently I have been an inch taller than I thought this entire time. Therefore my BMI instantly went down... yay! #WeightLossProTip, doctors *hate* her!
What are your goal weights?
Mine is 122-125. Ideally I’d stay below 125 forever, so 122 for buffer. I have a lot of muscle so I look really tiny at this weight.
If you wanna add each other on peach, my username is letgoor ☺️
my first one ladies and gents ;)
/u/PiggySmiggyGiggy
Created: Wed Oct 10 16:02:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n408y/my_first_one_ladies_and_gents/
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https://i.redd.it/lanhkmdxkfr11.jpg
Mom coming into the country to visit
/u/bingeyboa [5'0" | 98 | 19.1 | -19 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 15:51:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n3x1b/mom_coming_into_the_country_to_visit/
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So, my mom's coming to visit this weekend. I love her so much, and she's so supportive, but I need to make it look like I'm being healthy without spending a shit ton on food I can't/won't eat. I have my own apartment for the first time, and now she knows I don't go to the dining hall more than once a week, she's going to expect to see food here. I've snuck out a lot of food from the dining hall to use, and I have several empty boxes of poptarts that I put on the top shelf after my last intense-o binge. I took some little cartons of cereal from the dining hall to put like one portion's worth in the big boxes that are empty, same source for some shredded cheese and lunchmeat to put in tupperwares in my fridge. In addition, I have a tupperware of cantaloupe, lettuce, salsa, one bag of tortilla chips, and two boxes of saltines.
My diet for the past three months since I've seen her has basically been lettuce, grapes, and salsa, then a weekend where I eat three boxes of poptarts, purge, and pass out. Not sure how much weight I've lost, because I retain and yo-yo, and my scales were taken away over the summer. It's probably noticeable, but at least one of our activities in which I would have to wear a leotard and tights has been canceled, so I can hide whatever mess I've made under t-shirts and jeans. Planning on wearing my most unflattering capri pants lmao.
My mom low-key knows about my ED but we don't really talk about it, and I don't want to ruin the only time I'll see her for a long time by getting into an argument. I'm hiding my scales, and I'm doing a short fast until she gets here so that I can eat whatever she puts in front of me. I REALLY want to make this visit go well, so she doesn't have to worry when she flies back home, so if any of you have any advice, I would love to hear it.
TL;dr Foreign mom coming to visit me for the first time since summer, advice?
Timing
/u/heyimbored_
Created: Wed Oct 10 15:50:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n3wu2/timing/
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So I was looking through lose it, and the predicted day I’ll hit my UGW is the exact day I’m going on a family holiday to Spain. It’s perfect thinspo and I hope it’s right.
Soulent?
/u/coffeehearts [5'5" | CW 120.9 | GW 116 | BMI 20.1 | F(26)]
Created: Wed Oct 10 15:42:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n3ud5/soulent/
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Somebody put out free 1 lb bags of cacao soylent powder at work! Finally, a HEALTHY freebie and not pizza or birthday cake.
The funny part is that everyone is turning their noses up at it but I snagged a bag right away. I don't care if it's bland af as long as it shuts down hunger. I might even grab a second bag...
Thinking about using this for breakfast for a new morning ritual, at least for a while. Anyone have any tips for preparing it? Or experience drinking it?
interesting diets to try?
/u/pistachiocreams [63"| 105.5 | -18 | F :pupper:]
Created: Wed Oct 10 15:39:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n3te5/interesting_diets_to_try/
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i’m looking for something to focus on that’s not fasting!
i’m thinking about doing a liquid diet (like starbucks psl’s and the like haha) or a halo top or quest bar mono or something 😂😂
anybody had success with diets like these? i don’t think i would ever go above 800
[Help] TMI!!
/u/quinoaslut [5'4"| 110 | 18.9 | -10| Woman]
Created: Wed Oct 10 15:39:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n3tac/tmi/
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Everytime I eat anything I’m getting horrible cramps and then shitting my brains out???
Like shit I normally eat all the time. Yesterday it was a vegan taco and a plain bagel today tofu stir fry?? Is there a fucking Typhoid Mary in the dining hall or are my organs begging for more than one meal a day idk.
Intro and success?
/u/MyMetalHeart [5-4 | CW: vom | 1st GW: 120 |2nd GW: 100 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 15:24:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n3own/intro_and_success/
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Been through a lot in life. Currently a uni student with a family at home. I've been highly restrictive in my past and currently battle with overeating.
Was asked not long before my wedding if I was pregnant. Also at McDonald's recently and when I went to get a haircut a year or so ago.
I wasn't. Any of those times.
​
I've been attempting to eat away my worsening depression and it only made me worse.
​
Today is my day one of attempt two thousand. I've got 85lbs I want to ultimately lose. I've got my water. I've got my netflix. I've got my coffee.
And my bronkaid.
For the first time since I can remember, I am genuinely not hungry. I had some dry corn flakes with my first cup of coffee and a side of my bronkaid.
Beyond more coffee and water, I'm good for the day. I'm studying right now between classes and thinking of food out of habit but I don't want it.
I feel great today. I feel in control for once. I'm not letting my brain get the best of me.
Thanks for listening.
[Rant/Rave] Happy with my body?
/u/HotMessCentral [5'2.5" | 97 | 17.5 | -4.5 | F(Recovery)]
Created: Wed Oct 10 15:13:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n3lk5/happy_with_my_body/
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I actually don't hate myself?? like i have a bridge between my hipbones, a big thigh gap, my ribs stick out but not in a gross way, I have a tiny waist, an even a bit of ab definition? Like recovery seems less rough??
​
​
PS. Also Taylor Swift is a liberal icon I stan her spread the word
[Help] Starbucks Sugar Free syrups
/u/sadveggiehead [5’5 |SW.156 |CW.137 |GW.120 |23.07 |F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 15:07:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n3jio/starbucks_sugar_free_syrups/
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I don’t know if it’s the laxative effect of sf stuff but I literally feel awful after my coffee, I had it on an empty stomach maybe that’s why but I do that all the time. The is the first time I got the sugar free cinnamon dulche syrup but I don’t think the flavor was worth this queasiness. I hate throwing up but I’m almost to that point. I’m going to have some alkaseltzer, because I have a lot of studying and my stomach feels so bad I can’t focus. Has anyone else had the same experience with the SF syrups? Or does anyone have any advice for my nausea?
Ugh! Update on my update.
/u/iToldAnotherLieToday [5'7| CW: 98.4 | 28F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 15:07:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n3jdh/ugh_update_on_my_update/
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My doctor just called me and said I need to come back in for another weigh-in tomorrow morning before going through with IVF. They think there was an error with the scale because I gained so much (understandable).
Now I know not to do everything I did today. I’ll still drink a bunch of liquid and put on some boots and put the change in my pocket. I might forego the sweater and sweatshirt.
I also asked my husband to go out to sushi tonight. I can put down a lot of sushi.
I was so happy I made weight, and now I’m so nervous again.
When I see my mom, how should I react.
/u/SkinnyisSexy [5'7 |125lb|19.6|-23lb|F GW115]
Created: Wed Oct 10 14:58:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n3gnw/when_i_see_my_mom_how_should_i_react/
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Last time she saw me she did comment on my weight loss. I was 127 maybe 130. I am currently 117, no matter how baggy time clothes it still shows. She is so scared I'll relapse she freaks out even if I haven't. How should I respond to her comments on the weight loss. I got diagnosed with celiac disease so that's been my excuse to worried coworkers, but it's my mom guys. I love her truly, but I need the best fucking lie.
Finished my 120 hour/5 day water fast! Fastient is literally the best fasting tracker in my opinion. (I’m starting the next one at night though for sure, and I know I’m about to gain a tonne of it back but stilllllll yay)
/u/goldmetalflowers [🐘 binge monster 🐖]
Created: Wed Oct 10 14:54:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n3fa6/finished_my_120_hour5_day_water_fast_fastient_is/
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https://imgur.com/a/f61Y7kZ/
[Other] i want to look sick??
/u/dollydomer [5'6 | 107.8|GW 100 |F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 14:50:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n3e3s/i_want_to_look_sick/
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i know it’s bad. but i have never wanted to just be pretty. my ed has always been driven partly because i am insecure about myself and partly because i never think i am good enough. it’s like i can only be good at not eating. i still don’t think i am. and my ideal is just looking like skin and bones. because when i am just skin and bones i will have to get a tube and will be almost dead and that is winning to me. i am really sick. anyone else?
[Rant/Rave] People are so rude on social media, it’s like nothing is good enough
/u/SkinnyAgain259 [Height 5’7”| CW 155lbs | BMI 24.2 | Weight Lost 5lbs | Gender F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 14:46:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n3cr1/people_are_so_rude_on_social_media_its_like/
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So do you ever see pictures of women who are like utter perfection and then see a bunch of comments from people, mainly guys, pulling their appearance apart?
I was just looking at some thinspo, ended up on a subreddit for the woman in question and soooo many comments are complaining about her appearance. Mainly because she had small boob job. I’m just like that body isn’t even achievable for the majority of people regardless of surgery and that’s still not good enough.
You just think like if she’s unattractive now I must be a fucking monster. There’s no pleasing some people.
that's the least of my problems ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
/u/Bellamermie
Created: Wed Oct 10 14:42:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n3be4/thats_the_least_of_my_problems_ツ/
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https://i.redd.it/hx3lrnjl6fr11.jpg
Caffeine Jitters!
/u/alienatkerba
Created: Wed Oct 10 14:33:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n38i9/caffeine_jitters/
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My coffee consumption to deal with hunger pains has been through the roof for about 3 days now and I am actually the I can hear colors meme, should I:
1) Carefully plan a "cheat day"?
2) Just go on a wild binge and see what happens?
3) Shut up and deal with it, this is what we signed up for, fattyyy
[Rant/Rave] I can’t break 130 lbs and I’m losing my mind. I cried over the scale this morning
/u/piizza [5’4” | 130 CW | 110 GW | 22.4 | -14 lbs| F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 14:24:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n35o2/i_cant_break_130_lbs_and_im_losing_my_mind_i/
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https://i.redd.it/drx4rg2f3fr11.jpg
Panic attacks over stupid s**t
/u/star_clover
Created: Wed Oct 10 14:23:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n35kp/panic_attacks_over_stupid_st/
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This isn't a strictly ED post, but I really have no idea where else to turn to vent my feelings, so Iam sorry guys...
My whole life, my biggest dream was to be an actress in big, epic movies. I know very unoriginal but non the less true to me. The fame was never really anything I thought about, but big pay checks to spoil the people I love, and be in movies I love totally consumed the majority of my thoughts from the age of 8 to 26.
I always had plans on how to make it happen (obviously non of them worked) but a big main part was traveling to the US.
Now, going to the US from my country isn't a big deal, alot of people go there every year for a vacation, but for me it became important that the trip MEANT something. Well now, me and my family are going....Which is really cool....but....
This was not what I had in mind.
I'm old, I'm fat...going on a three week family vacation.
I can't explain the amount of anxiety I'm experiencing. We're leaving next week and I'm getting panic attacks left and right. I don't want to, but I do. F\*\*k I can't put this feeling into words!!! It's driving me crazy!
I tried to talk to my husband about it, but soon realized he did not get it. I really just needed to get this of my chest, to some one else. I understand if you don't understand, but thank you for reading anyway.....It feels like I'm dying.
[Rant/Rave] sometimes it feels like there’s nothing more in life than food and my body
/u/band-aide [5'5.5 | CW: 125 | BMI: 20 | F/19]
Created: Wed Oct 10 14:22:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n3584/sometimes_it_feels_like_theres_nothing_more_in/
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i have no friends really, my boyfriend and i have basically sort of broken up (he said we were done than not even a minute later said he couldn’t leave me but we have not spoken since) and i dislike my family. i can barely tolerate anything other than the subjects i study, my fun albeit lonely passtimes, and my obsession with the visuals and feeling of my body, my environment, etc.
i hate my body but food tastes so good and i will mindlessly eat anything just to get my mind to shut up for 5 seconds. or i’ll cook something and eat a bit of it and then throw the rest out. or i’ll obsess over what weight i COULD be if i only ate x calories for x months. i always ruin my progress. when will i eat next what will i eat how much of it... what groceries will i buy is it even worth the money if i eat it all at once what is mom making for dinner what did she buy from the store that i can eat i don’t want to wait i want it NOW i want to taste it and get rid of it now so i can restrict later...
these are the thoughts i live with and they take hold over everything else, they seize any other possible thoughts i have. my eating disorder is above my (lack of) social life and above school. i am always fucking hungry and never satisfied, i can’t stop compulsively fucking eating and i need to get my shit together and start restricting again.
this is not how my body should look i need to be bony and i look chubby and disgusting and no matter how much i like my makeup, outfit, and hair for the day i will only see how fucking pudgy i look and i need to stop eating so much but it’s the only stimulation i feel any more. i hate this so much. every night i binge on chocolate chips and bread and butter and cheese and bananas and peanut butter. i feel awful and take my laxatives which i know won’t help but i need to erase the full feeling and i fucking hate how it all makes me feel. why can’t i just be bony and a good restricter?
i love food because it’s the only thing there for me. this is all there is to my life. i have nothing else.
Low-volume high-cal food?
/u/PermanentHysteria
Created: Wed Oct 10 14:15:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n32r1/lowvolume_highcal_food/
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Sorry if this is OT, didn't want to post in other subs because people are mean, and I figured you guys might understand.
I am trying fasting as a means to combat general overeating, not being able to feel full/hunger signals, and BED. I'm not healed or recovered, but I am trying to unfuck up my body.
I just finished a 2.5 day fast, still feel good, and would like to start over tomorrow. I'm trying to find boring and NOT YUMMY high calorie yet nutritious food to keep my nutrition high and enable me to fast longer. Boring food would be a plus, so it won't make me want to binge.
I was thinking tofu and collards, but those are my normal low cal foods, and I'm worried about not getting enough protein, especially if I do another two day fast. I've been avoiding high cal food for so long, I don't really know of any healthy options. Like, I can demolish corndogs and a box of snack cakes all day long, but that's sort of the opposite of what I'm trying to do.
[Discussion] does anyone else feel like their weight fluctuates dramatically literally overnight?
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | relapse| gw: 97 | 23f]
Created: Wed Oct 10 14:13:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n321f/does_anyone_else_feel_like_their_weight/
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if i fast or heavily restrict or forget to eat before i fall asleep, i wake up and feel so skinny and light and all of my clothes fit better. if i eat dinner or have a high-calorie day or fail at restricting or even eat, like, a fuckin *apple* before bed, i wake up and feel like my clothes fit tighter or not at all, like my waist size has gone up two sizes overnight. like my thighs are suddenly touching each other where there was a gap before...and i know (kind of?) that it’s dysmorphia but it feels SO REAL
[Discussion] DAE feels way hungrier after gym sessions? How do you deal with it?
/u/ActualLakeOfDietCoke
Created: Wed Oct 10 13:34:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n2p5c/dae_feels_way_hungrier_after_gym_sessions_how_do/
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I'm really struggling with finding a balance between restricting and going to the gym regularly. It almost seems like I can only do one of those things at once but not both. If I succesfully restrict I don't have enough energy to train and if I train I get super hungry and eat a ton.
Thus, the question: how do you stay on track while exercising? Is higher restriciton/slower weight loss the only answer here or there are other ways to deal with post-gym hunger?
Panic about both gaining and losing weight help
/u/The_Immortal_Unicorn [167cm | cw: 62kg | gw: 52kg | 18f]
Created: Wed Oct 10 13:31:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n2o8e/panic_about_both_gaining_and_losing_weight_help/
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It's 9 pm and I've only eaten about 175 cals so far today. This should feel like an accomplishment but it doesn't. Or well, I do feel proud about this, but I feel something else as well. Fear, concern. This went so easily. It's never easy usually, unless I'm balls deep in my depression. And yeah okay, I'm in the middle of a depressive episode right now (and how nice, this one's gonna last until spring because I always get winter depression on top of my regular depression and it makes everything worse), but I guess I was pretending it wasn't as bad as it actually is. I'm scared. I know I'm gonna lose weight fast if I keep eating this little and I really don't want that. Last time something similar happened, I got too small for all my clothes and my boobs (aka only body part I like) started to get smaller, but my stomach stayed the same (or at least, it seemed that way) and overall, it was horrible. But I also know I'm not capable of stopping this. It's about the control of deciding for myself how much I eat, but I'm not in control anymore. The fucked up, disordered part of my mind is, and it's telling me to eat as little as possible. I don't know how to snap out of it. I'm clueless. I'm tempted to give up and give all and full control to my depression and ed and just wear sports bras and oversized sweaters everyday to hide my body from myself and the world and stop caring about the weight I lose from not eating. I'm so very fucking close to doing just that. Now that I think about it, I don't know why I wouldn't just do that. What do I have to lose?
To be clear, I want to lose weight, just not a lot and I'm terrified about losing my boobs, which are always the first to go when I eat almost nothing (when I eat at least half of what I'm supposed to, I tend to lose weight more gradually and my boobs stay the same size)
I have no idea what this rant even was, but if you read the whole thing, please give me some tips on how not to fall down the deep hole of depression and ed (if you have any) because I'm clueless right now.
[Discussion] I’m taking a big step today
/u/LumosErin [5'5.5" | 124.6 lbs| GW: 120 lbs| UGW: 115 lbs | 20F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 13:23:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n2lgr/im_taking_a_big_step_today/
---
I scheduled myself for counseling appointments at my university. Today is my consultation, I’m sitting in the waiting room now. I’m ready to talk.
I may not be ready to stop, but I’m ready to speak out.
[Discussion] What are your reasons, other than aesthetics, for restricting?
/u/aswerefallingdown
Created: Wed Oct 10 13:19:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n2kaq/what_are_your_reasons_other_than_aesthetics_for/
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I feel like I'm a terrible person because I want to get so thin that people finally notice I'm actually struggling and not just part of the 'I hate my life' trend that's going around and finally care about me haha
What is your reason?
[Help] Any words of encouragement to help me from relapsing?
/u/lotsofsqs
Created: Wed Oct 10 13:03:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n2ey7/any_words_of_encouragement_to_help_me_from/
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I used to be active here, first as *zorbiz*, then as *halostop,* if you recognize those. I just need a little support right now and all of you have been so good to me in the past. I don't need any additional shame.
I am finally recovering after a 2 year relapse into severe bulimia, but I've been doing a lot better miraculously. I haven't binged for 1 month and 29 days, and I haven't purged in 1 month and 20 days.
I'm so close to throwing that away though.
For some reason, I've been extremely anxious this week. I feel so fat and worthless and I am feeling suicidal (I won't act) for the first time in a while. I'm just overwhelmed and I want to starve/bp/idk.
If anybody could spare some advice/thoughts/support right now, that'd be awesome.
HAE tries biosteel?
/u/spiritanimalryuk [5'2 | CW 🐄 | HW 165+ | LW 118 | 23F | GW1 115 | UGW2 100]
Created: Wed Oct 10 12:58:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n2dgk/hae_tries_biosteel/
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It's a low calorie powder drink that hes electrolytes in it to help during fasts
How many footsteps do all ya’ll get per day?
/u/RachAgainstLeMachine [5'3 🌻 CW: 93lbs 🌻 21F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 12:53:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n2bmn/how_many_footsteps_do_all_yall_get_per_day/
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I’m just really curious. I was having a debate with my boyfriend about it last night. It started when I started complaining about how I had hardly got any steps yesterday (~18,000) because of school and my 1.5hr commute to school (I go to college 2 days/week and have all of my classes back to back on those days).
He said that 18,000 was way more than the average person. I got first my Fitbit right smack dab at the height of my ED, so I’m used to 25,000-40,000 steps being “normal.”
I know 10,000 steps is the recommended amount, but do people usually go beyond that?
My sense of “normal exercise” is really, REALLY warped, so I wanted to hear your input.
Thanks:)
[Discussion] Relapse due to seasons
/u/sadveggiehead [5’5 |SW.156 |CW.137 |GW.120 |23.07 |F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 12:53:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n2bml/relapse_due_to_seasons/
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DAE relapse every fall/ winter. Idk what it is maybe it’s just due to seasonal depression or whatever maybe it’s all the family time or exam stress but without fail this time of year is when my disordered eating reaches its peak. I want to know how many of you are like this too. I don’t mind it honestly it’s just how it is.
Lunch aesthetics
/u/lilmdjd [5’3 | CW: 130 | BMI: 23 | LW: 94| - 17| 23F ]
Created: Wed Oct 10 12:48:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n2a9r/lunch_aesthetics/
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https://i.redd.it/usfh1e0fmer11.jpg
Best place to buy jeans and trousers?
/u/Ineedthinspo [5'6 | 146 | 23.6 | -45 | ]
Created: Wed Oct 10 12:22:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n21tu/best_place_to_buy_jeans_and_trousers/
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What brand have the best skinny jeans/trousers that don't get baggy or bunch up tonnes when you wear them?
Also as long as the have an online store I don't care about country of origin(though prefer non-Asian brands since they tend to be too short).
[Discussion] dae have experiences with keto?
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | relapse| gw: 97 | 23f]
Created: Wed Oct 10 12:03:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n1ve5/dae_have_experiences_with_keto/
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now that i'm very much relapsing and Back on the ED Rollercoaster, i'm weighing (lmfao) the benefits of doing keto/limiting carbs versus just very heavily restricting. does anyone have experience with keto diets, especially at lower weights when you don't have substantial weight to lose? i'm conflicted between throwing keto in with all the fad diet bullshit (pretty sure throwing 1,000 calories of cheese on something doesn't make it keto but WHATEVER) and a good way to quickly drop weight when you're already at a lower bmi and restricting is second nature anyways
Time to switch gear. Just ED things amirite?
/u/ChugaChuga_ChooChoo
Created: Wed Oct 10 11:58:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n1tt2/time_to_switch_gear_just_ed_things_amirite/
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https://i.redd.it/2wxl0m4eder11.jpg
[Discussion] Green tea fat burner
/u/hopeless_anon [5'5 | CW: 109 LW: 85 | 17F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 11:53:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n1s46/green_tea_fat_burner/
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Ya girl is having a plateau... been the same weight even though I’ve been restricting to 1200 everyday :(
But I bought this green tea fat burn pills online to avoid shame of getting it at the store, anyone try them? Does it help with energy/lightheaded feeling? I know they’re essentially caffeine and antioxidants and it’s not like eca stack, because I’m a minor I can’t buy those quite yet.
Comparison?
[Rant/Rave] in which being cold might not be so bad?
/u/ap0cryphal [F | BMI 22.6 | -9.5]
Created: Wed Oct 10 11:37:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n1mnb/in_which_being_cold_might_not_be_so_bad/
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it's 82 degrees where I am and everyone around me is wearing shorts but I can comfortably wear my favorite skinny jeans 😎
(on the other hand as soon as I step into an air-conditioned building I want gloves lol)
I did not purge!
/u/cantdecidewhatiwant [Height 5'4" | CW 132| F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 11:31:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n1kss/i_did_not_purge/
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Yesterday I had pizza, a cinnamon roll a cookie, a sandwich AND dinner. Yup all 2500 cals.
I didn't eat until I felt uncomfortable so I didn't purge. I had all afternoon to myself but I did not allow myself to purge, neither did I eat beyond what I felt was enough.
This is a small step to some form of normalcy.
[Rant/Rave] Just had a quest bar for the first time
/u/realthrowawayhrs
Created: Wed Oct 10 11:18:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n1gde/just_had_a_quest_bar_for_the_first_time/
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holy shit i get why y’all like them so much. i feel full and actually satisfied and i haven’t even finished it, what the fuck is in these?? the cookies and cream one is also actually good, i’m so excited!! are the other flavors just as good?
[Rant/Rave] I had an epiphany today
/u/enrichbitch [69" | DGAF | Recovering...? | F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 11:17:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n1fut/i_had_an_epiphany_today/
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So my dumb ass knows this probably isn't news to anyone, but I want to take it as a sign that my ED brain is dying off
I bought zebra cakes a couple days ago and I was so mad at myself. Every time I ate one I was beating myself up, telling myself I hate myself. Constant negative talk. Because I ate two zebra cakes. But here's what I realized today. Here's what is *reality*:
I ate a 330 cal dessert. After a healthy dinner. Like a normal person. I didn't eat the whole box in one sitting, like I would have done before. I did't eat the zebra cakes and an entire pizza. I kept kicking myself for "binging" but I finally fucking realized that *that wasn't a binge, I'm just eating normally*.
​
It literally feels like a wall has been knocked down in my head, and I understand things better now. I'm so fucking happy rn. Hopefully I can keep this up.
[Rant/Rave] What is with Korean dramas
/u/semiscrewedbutitscoo
Created: Wed Oct 10 11:13:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n1egu/what_is_with_korean_dramas/
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I don’t even really watch them but I feel like they’ll usually include some scene of the female lead just quirkily stuffing her face and eating, almost greedily and aggressively, and the male lead is either impressed or finds it endearing. And it annoys me so much because they’re always super tiny and obviously they can’t eat like that all the time.
Also there’s such a fixation on thinness in Korea (and most of Asia) and also there seems to be an idealization of the tiny girl who stuffs her face?? And can someone explain mukbangs where Korean girls put away a TON of food and their skin is clear and they’re tiny. Like I’m honestly baffled at the regular streamers who do it, like, daily.
I’m Asian and everything just feels so impossible. Anyway.
[Other] Back at it again...
/u/CharlieJScarper [5'0.5" | BMI 20.2 | CW 106 lbs | GW1 100lbs]
Created: Wed Oct 10 11:07:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n1ck9/back_at_it_again/
---
So I was pretty active on here a month or so ago. I ended up at BMI 17.2ish, and then I hit a binge month and I'm up to 20.2ish. I don't have access to an accurate scale and I won't until the end of December... and I can't buy one without alerting my flat mate and his is pretty inaccurate. Plus, we have uneven floors in our flat anyway so my CBMI is a close guess really.
I'm fucking miserable. I restricted so hard over summer just so I would be 90lbs coming back to uni, but I broke two weeks before my return date and binged, and kept binging. And kept binging! My current goal is to stick to 1300 per day for the next 5 days (my BMR is 1200) to prove to myself that I can get over this binge phase and get back to restricting. I've already completed 2 days at 1300, which is a huge change from my 2500+ days with 3000+ binges thrown in there for good measure. When that's over I'll drop down to 1000~ and see how I do.
This disorder has sucked the life out of me. I started when I was 13/14 and I'm 20 now and it's been a constant cycle of restrict/binge/maintain/recover/restrict since then, with the recovered mindset periods getting shorter and shorter. My last restriction was the most intense it's ever been and so was the binge. I know I'm getting worse and I never want to feel so out of control with the bingeling ever again, but it's like I need this to function. Hiding everything from parents, grandparents, the very few friends I have...got so old. I was constantly in agony from severe restricting while exercising in a way that was awful for my already screwed up joints, losing hair, feeling so cold and getting fuzz all over my body. My eyes were dead, my breath was awful and I had no interest in anything. I cried all the time and didn't get my period for 4 or 5 months, but it came back last week. I should have been elated but I'm just not. I want to be skinny and breakable again. I want control, I want the restriction high. But starting my 3rd year of uni, getting a volunteer job, taking part in clubs and societies... I don't know how I'm going to cope. Maybe I'll just get sicker and sicker, and maybe that's what I want. I don't know anymore.
I don't feel so alone when I'm on this sub, and I'm afraid. Maybe once I break 100 again I'll feel better...
[Discussion] Intermittent fasting (IF) plan
/u/moonchldx [5'1'' | 114.4 | 21.7 | -11lbs | F | ]
Created: Wed Oct 10 11:06:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n1c8f/intermittent_fasting_if_plan/
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Hi loves!!
I’ve been MIA for a week due to new work schedule and gaining 2 lbs (116) even though I know it’s just water weight from my time of the month being around the corner! 😭
Okay so my plan for my IF is going to be 3:4 meaning I’ll eat 3 days out of the week since I work nights and fast for the other 4 till dinner at 6 or 7 pm of 500 calories...
I’m hoping the changes will help kick start my metabolism a lot more....
I’ve also started smoking “the devil’s lettuce” religiously again (it helped me lose A TON of weight after I learned how to control the munchies)
What do you all think any advice or words of encouragement welcomed!! 🖤
[Update] Water-loading ideas
/u/iToldAnotherLieToday [5'7| CW: 98.4 | 28F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 10:55:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n18h8/update_waterloading_ideas/
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i made weight which means tomorrow i transfer my last frozen IVF embryo! i will continue to keep gaining weight and do everything i need for the baby.
here are the things i did to “gain” 4 lbs in six days:
- snacked on chips, crackers, chocolate, whatever every night.
- wore my heaviest jeans. seriously picked each one up and compared.
- wore my heaviest sweatshirt
- wore a sweater underneath my sweatshirts
- wore my heaviest cowboy boots
- wore a belt
- put about 2-3lbs worth of change in my pocket
- drank 48oz water
- drank 10oz coffee
- drank 12oz diet soda
- took a shower and put my hair right up to keep it wet
it was obviously **way** more than enough because i ended up gained FOURTEEN pounds. either way, i know i needed to gain some real weight to have the best chance of IVF success. i’d guess ~4lbs of that was real, so i think i *actually* made the minimum weight my doctor will allow and thus i’m not putting my (hopefully) new baby or my body at risk.
[Rant/Rave] Does anyone else get triggered by family members?
/u/achildrenofbodomfan [5’4” | CW 117lbs | 20.1 | -10lbs | GW 105]
Created: Wed Oct 10 10:48:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n16bk/does_anyone_else_get_triggered_by_family_members/
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I’ve struggled with an eating disorder for about 3 years and my older sister was just recently diagnosed with bulimia. She’s doing a six month program for bariatric surgery and all she talks about when I’m with her is how much weight she’s gonna lose and how she’s going to drop down to 110 pounds post-op and it makes me feel like I need to weigh less than that. More recently she has been talking a lot about calories, carbs, sugars, etc. in the food she buys and she shared a post on Facebook today about signs that that someone is fueling your eating disorder. It’s making it very difficult for me to be around her because I don’t want our eating disorders to turn into something like a competition to see who can get the thinnest or the sickest, which I sort of feel like she thinks they are and that makes me worried.
[Goal] I. Will. Restrict.
/u/starrieuniverse
Created: Wed Oct 10 10:40:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n13sa/i_will_restrict/
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I’ve been following the dark path of some serious binging, and I’m so so tired gaining weight and just being a full on pig. I decided last night that this grossness HAS to stop, so I’m honestly just planning on fasting until I reach my goal weight. No matter how faint I feel, no matter if my grades drop these few days- it’s a small price to pay to try to feel ok about myself again and to finally try to reach my goal weight!
I’m posting it here to make it final in my head, and to just let y’all know since you guys are absolutely fantastic ❤️
I failed at a fast
/u/onepostforme
Created: Wed Oct 10 10:35:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n129d/i_failed_at_a_fast/
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So my ff (future fiance, we have the ring and I'm like 98% sure he's proposing on Halloween but if he doesn't he will propose the day after) brought home alcohol yesterday.
I had been fasting all day and I was at over 9,000 steps and I was planning on fasting all day, but, I am not able to keep up with him on the drinks. Unfortunately I am an alcoholic and even worse sometimes I'm not just mean, I'm crazy, I say strange things and get angry. Most of the time I'm just emotional and talkative but that occasionally takes a bad turn and it helps if I at least eat. He's six inches taller and 40lbs heavier than me and his diet is smoked meat and fast food.
Last night he didn't get fast food, he reheated his smoked ribs. Meaning he said he was going to the kitchen to get dinner and he said this before he suggested drinking but after he brought the alcohol into the bedroom (we live with my parents).
I just felt like I should eat? Like drinking alcohol on an empty stomach was bad? I reminded myself of my not so fresh produce, but I also reminded myself of my binge on Monday, and in the end I ate 9cal of lettuce and spinach and cucumber (put the lunch meat back in the fridge because I don't deserve it {8 cal but mfp rounded up to 9 for some reason which makes me feel worse}) and I told FF this and he kind of just took it in and said sorry.
TLDR I'm a failure because I ate 9 cal but I never count alcohol, Ed brain with alcoholism. I had to eat least night because I was going to drink but today I have been drinking since I woke up and that means I don't have to eat because I never eat breakfast. Aka fucked up with bad habits and a train of logic that goes based off of who knows what 🙃
[Discussion] Anyone else inspired by Rachel from The Biggest Loser?
/u/rotting_the_crown
Created: Wed Oct 10 10:31:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n10wn/anyone_else_inspired_by_rachel_from_the_biggest/
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I just watched season 15 again because I know how it ends - with Rachel winning and looking [incredibly tiny](https://starrunnersmemphis.com/2014/02/05/biggest-loser-slippery-slope/). She works extremely hard (probably the hardest of them all) and ends up looking so small in the finale that everyone looks concerned. I think she’s around my height (5’5) and weighs in at 105 lb, which is underweight for her height, and looks fantastic, imo. She apparently gained 10 lb after the finale, but looks fantastic even then. Anyone else?
[Thinspo] What’s your opinion on reverse thinspo? How does it make you feel?
/u/BluntCakes_
Created: Wed Oct 10 10:31:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n10t2/whats_your_opinion_on_reverse_thinspo_how_does_it/
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Stuck at 130 lbs
/u/cutthroat12 [5'6"| CW:130 | HW: 160 | GW: 110]
Created: Wed Oct 10 10:29:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n104s/stuck_at_130_lbs/
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I cant lose weight and cant figure out why.... well... yeah i can. It's very frustrating. I want to lose 5 lbs, which is a reasonable goal and a healthy weight. I avoid counting calories because I use to be obsessed. But it looks like Im going to start counting calories. When i eat it's like a version of self harm. In an attack on my body yesterday I ate 4 poptarts consecutively... then a twix and a tuna sandwich and a mini quisadilla and chocolate covered ginger.
​
I cant lose weight because I keep eating and binging and it's so out of control and embarrassing and as a result i look like this :(
​
shit post
[Help] Alright, what are ya'lls makeup tips for looking healthier/like you're not about to die?
/u/little_tiny_pumpkin [5'5.5'' | CW: 119 | GW: 115 | HW: 136 | LW: 90 | 27F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 10:28:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n103i/alright_what_are_yalls_makeup_tips_for_looking/
---
With all this restriction, my face perpetually looks dull and sickly -- unusually pale tone, extra purple around my eyes, a sort of brownish/greyish tone all over.
I tried a full face of makeup the other night for meeting up with old friends, but no matter how much foundation, concealer, blush, highlight, whatever I put on, it still looked like something was deathly wrong with me.
Sidenote: I do drink water + electrolytes all day, take supplements (including C, Biotin, and Hyaluronic Acid), and keep my skin fairly moisturized and dewy. It's just the damn coloring.
So real question is: do you guys have any special fx techniques for where to place blush, highlighter, concealer to give that healthy plumpy glow from within, and to not look like someone to be concerned about? I wanna look like a model, not a drug addict.
A hilarious joke I just made that y’all gotta hear
/u/-bluehoney- [5'3" | sw 187 | cw 169.4 | g2w 120 | ƒ |🍑bluehoney]
Created: Wed Oct 10 10:22:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n0xtg/a_hilarious_joke_i_just_made_that_yall_gotta_hear/
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So I was scrolling this sub while my boyfriend was spooning me. (He knows I love this community and the support y’all provide and it’s a really nice relief from stressing about food 25/7, i talk about you guys like I know each one of you personally). He started laughing a bit at how frank and blunt a lot of the titles of posts are. I was like “Yeah, they don’t sugar coat anything...
It has too many calories.”
He claims it’s my best line to date and I’m deeply proud 😂
When you spend 35 mins preparing dinner... and the universe decides you don't deserve to eat...
/u/liveinthemeoww
Created: Wed Oct 10 10:14:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n0vih/when_you_spend_35_mins_preparing_dinner_and_the/
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So I decided to make myself a decent dinner. I painstakingly measured the ingredients for one portion.
I boiled pasta, made the sauce, and put it under the grill.
When I pulled my delicious dinner out of the oven, the whole thing fell out of my oven gloved hand and upside down onto my kitchen floor.
Sauce splattered everywhere, the food was destroyed like my will to live.
Sometimes the universe agrees with you that you don't deserve to eat today.
[Discussion] DAE use an app to count calories?
/u/alixandrya
Created: Wed Oct 10 10:12:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n0uo3/dae_use_an_app_to_count_calories/
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So i recently started using my fitness pal to help keep my calories under 1200 and any time i don’t reach AT LEAST 1000 they send me a message pretty much saying “You are potentially not eating enough, the features we offer won’t work (weight loss progression chart, etc)” And it’s like ??? I am paying to use the premium features and then being punished for not eating what they feel is right. Idk it’s very frustrating for me and was wondering if guys had any better apps?
having a sex life helps?
/u/swagcat9000 [5'5" | 131 lbs | 21.8 | -37 | M |]
Created: Wed Oct 10 10:09:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n0tyf/having_a_sex_life_helps/
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hey guys. i’ve been fucking around with this guy for a few weeks now and he’s honestly the best and super respectful of my boundaries (like he doesnt even ask me to take my binder off bc gender dysphoria) and like?
i don’t know why but fucking a super hot guy actually improves my own body image so much and actually makes me feel attractive for a while? idk.
anyone else relate?
(discussion flair boyz)
Thinspo please
/u/coolmistmama
Created: Wed Oct 10 09:48:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n0mzr/thinspo_please/
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I am soooo fucking hungry right now and just keep thinking about eating every fatty thing in sight. Please stop me!
I have to go to dinner tonight and I CANNOT afford more than 200 calories before then. So obviously I’m fantasizing about ordering fries.
[Discussion] Anyone else feel the strong urge to eat chalk when on a restrictive diet? Or like...clay?
/u/SimDelCalSalBris [5’6” | 130|Female]
Created: Wed Oct 10 09:40:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n0kja/anyone_else_feel_the_strong_urge_to_eat_chalk/
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So purging doesn't work ?????
/u/cantdecidewhatiwant [Height 5'4" | CW 132| F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 09:36:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n0j9n/so_purging_doesnt_work/
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So I've found conflicting information about this.
From my experience, I've maintained my weight from purging but then I also fast until I'm about to pass out, have days of "normalcy", days of monster and other low calorie drinks and days of fulfilling "last time" cravings when I don't purge.
So I guess it all balances out.
[Other] I’m stoked!
/u/ohdarlingyourefucked
Created: Wed Oct 10 09:34:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n0inz/im_stoked/
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I was doing SO good restricting and staying under 600 cals a day a few weeks ago. Then we went to the county fair with tons of junk fair food. I knew that would be the end of my restricting for a bit and I’d be in binge mode for awhile. I was right..BUT I stepped on the scale at the doctors today and I still lost weight! I’m so happy.
Sometimes I have conversations with my body
/u/InBetweenTheLies [5'8.5 | 124 | 18.31 | -13 | Female]
Created: Wed Oct 10 09:27:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n0gd5/sometimes_i_have_conversations_with_my_body/
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The other day it was in the bath. *Hey. How are you doing? That was a hard run. Do your feet hurt?*
And today it was after a workout that was too hard too much too fast. I started apologize, aloud but under my breath. *I'm so sorry. Good job. I'm so sorry.*
Sometimes when I eat I talk to my stomach. *Here. I need you to eat this. Come on, we have class.*
Other times I talk to it when I don't want to eat. *You're not hungry. You can wait. If we eat now, we'll throw up.*
​
When I do that my body feels foreign and weird and unconnected from me. It feels like a broken thing. I remember that i have a dysfunctional stomach and small intestines. I remember that my body is sick. I remember that I have a disease I'm not fighting. It makes me sad for me.
Do you talk to your body? Or does it talk to you?
[Help] Help me lose 30 pounds in a month
/u/imahollowegg
Created: Wed Oct 10 09:16:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n0ct9/help_me_lose_30_pounds_in_a_month/
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Without sacrificing my skin health!
I’ve experienced restricting and binging and whatever ED there is, but everytime I do it I get acne. My diet would only consist of diet soda, eggs and biscuits. I lose weight fast and I love those foods, but acne would just pop out and soon enough my skin is now a disaster. Probably because I cannot sleep well at all due to lots of sugars in my body.
I also tried exercising A LOT instead, but same thing happened. I guess my cortisol went too high?
So what to do? I want to lose a lot of weight fast!
[Help] My doctor told me I would never have a flat tummy.
/u/aka-trashpanda
Created: Wed Oct 10 09:10:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n0b14/my_doctor_told_me_i_would_never_have_a_flat_tummy/
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I was talking to my doctor about weight loss and I asked him the best way to get a flat tummy. I have a lot of loose skin so it sags a little. He told me that unless I'm willing to fork out for surgery that I'll never have a flat tummy. My arms will always be flabby and my tits will always droop a little, no matter how much I work out and how much I lose weight. It's a real kick to my motivation knowing I'll never have the body I want. What's the point?
Making the decision not to purge.
/u/YDontMyParentsLuvMe
Created: Wed Oct 10 08:57:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n06tl/making_the_decision_not_to_purge/
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I’ve had a heavily restricted diet for a while now and have rapidly lost weight. However, I made the mistake of purging and now I can’t stop. For the past 7 days, I’ve been calorie restricting my usual amount but I’ve been purging after everything I eat. I feel terrible, I’m shaking and I feel dizzy but at the same time I also feel absolutely incredible.
I can’t physically keep food down now, I just ate a small snack and it all came back up involuntarily. The problem is, I’m happy with this but I know it’s such a horrible route to go down and I don’t want to compromise my health anymore than I have been doing. I read that purging is addictive and I can completely see why.
Does anybody have any tips on how to keep food down or if there’s any ideal foods to eat to ease the transition? Although it’s only been a week, the feeling of food in my stomach is something I’m struggling with.
Thanks in advance.
[Rant/Rave] MMMMM Trashcan Cheesecake.
/u/StarburnerRav [5' 10" |Trumps salary in lbs | -40 lbs | Male]
Created: Wed Oct 10 08:55:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n064c/mmmmm_trashcan_cheesecake/
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Why am I like this?
Cw: 94 lb gw: 91lb
/u/dumb-bitch69
Created: Wed Oct 10 08:54:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n05sc/cw_94_lb_gw_91lb/
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https://i.redd.it/11cmmtzigdr11.jpg
Binged and purged for the first time in a while :(
/u/weetbixaddict
Created: Wed Oct 10 08:53:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n05le/binged_and_purged_for_the_first_time_in_a_while/
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Hey guys,
First post here, just looking for a bit of support and advice since I feel like human garbage.
But first a bit of backstory...
Early this year I started to suffer from binging (though I didn't know that's what it was at the time), this carried on over a few months as I noticed myself gradually gaining weight and I freaked out. I purged for the first time after a binge at the end of June, and continued to do so regularly for about 2 weeks during an extremely stressful episode. Once I came out the other side of that, I quit cold turkey and told myself I never wanted it to happen again. I also made the decision to tell my close friends about what was going on and they were really supportive. I definitely messed up a few times, but I always told someone about what was going on. My last binge/ purge was in the middle of July.
However, I'm going through some rough stuff right now and without telling anyone what was going on - I binged, freaked out, then purged. I stopped halfway through, but I feel so disappointed with myself. I feel like I've let myself down. I don't want to die of this, I want to have a long and happy life but I everytime I do this I feel like I'm hurting those chances. I KNOW I can quit, and I really want to, but does anyone have any advice on looking into the future without feeling guilty? How do you get back on track after messing up?
Sorry if this post is long and ramble-y, I'm just in my feels rn.
Being unable to weight yourself
/u/DiabolicalFruits [5'5 | CW: 150 | GW: 120 | -10 lbs | 18F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 08:46:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n03g3/being_unable_to_weight_yourself/
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Since I moved to college, I have no scale or anything to track my weight except for when I go home every so often, so it's driving my crazy not knowing if I've gained/lost/maintained. At the same time though...it's kind of nice? Like, all I can do is focus on my eating habits and focus on trying to take care of my mental state until I go to my parents' and can weigh myself. It's kind of relaxing, but also aggravating. I'm hoping for 145 next week when I go visit during fall break since I've been eating very little this past week, but also, who knows since I haven't weighed myself in nearly a month?
Anyone else have this problem/gift when going to college/on vacation/wherever?
[Help] How accurate is loseit’s calculated calorie budget?
/u/ghostlythin [61.25” | CW 98.4 | BMI 18.4]
Created: Wed Oct 10 08:36:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9n00ji/how_accurate_is_loseits_calculated_calorie_budget/
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So I set my loseit to “maintain”, just because I like seeing how far under my total budget I am. I’m a little skeptical of how much I’m supposedly losing, though, because it has set my “calorie budget” at 1701 calories. I set my height at 5’1”, my weight to 100.2 (what I weighed in as a couple of days ago), and my age to 18 (I’m 16). 1701 seems way too high- should I wait and see if I’m losing that much, or has it over calculated for you all too? I feel like I’m going crazy lol
[Rant/Rave] ED logic can be a real bitch sometimes...
/u/linedryonly [5'5| C127 | G110 | L102 | -10]
Created: Wed Oct 10 08:02:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mzqdt/ed_logic_can_be_a_real_bitch_sometimes/
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Currently freaking out because I've eaten a total of 1100 calories today: ( even though I know it's below maintenance and I exercised today so I can't possibly gain. 1100cals was fine last week, but now apparently anything above 500 is a failure.
Sometimes EDs make no damn sense.
Now two coworkers are "dieting" after I lost 51 lbs and wanting to talk to me about their shit all the time
/u/guava_pastille [5'8" | CW 154 | BMI 23.4 | WL 51 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 07:58:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mzoyf/now_two_coworkers_are_dieting_after_i_lost_51_lbs/
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For some reason, now that I'm visibly thinner, I am considered an open book to two coworkers who are now trying dieting. One coworker is on an elimination diet and the other going gluten-free, both are also exercising. They want to tell me all about it in so much detail and I feel like the behavior is baiting. I think they want me to fess up and tell them all my secrets.
Here's what I want to tell them: Oh, that's easy! Date a person 10+ years older than you when you are a teenager who financially manipulates you, and after they kick you out of their house, stalks you for 10 years on every social media platform you inhabit. Oh, make sure that this person also sends your parents videos of you having sex, just to drive the point home to you and your loved ones that you are a whore. Develop PTSD (like, literally teeth chattering/body shakes before you open your email) and develop BED where you eat 5000+ calories in one day to numb nerves for 5 years. Then, flip the BED the other way around and start restricting and purging.
Here's what I actually say: Ohhh, buckwheat and bison meat sounds great!
​
I shared over on proedmemes. Cuz sometimes you need something light hearted.
/u/rosepetalmemories
Created: Wed Oct 10 07:50:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mzmvg/i_shared_over_on_proedmemes_cuz_sometimes_you/
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https://i.redd.it/o766g5s54dr11.jpg
[Other] Confession of a fatass
/u/notamain9
Created: Wed Oct 10 07:46:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mzlq7/confession_of_a_fatass/
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I'm a fatass and I drive for Uber after my regular job. Got a passenger yesterday who was telling me about all the creepy ass men who she has had drive her before. Guys who would openly hit on her during the ride and one even walked up to her door after and asked her point blank if he could come in. All I could think of while she was telling me this is "omg, this bitch is as fat as I am and I've never even been hit on". Legit, 30yo fatass who's never been hit on. It's is why I didn't believe the whole #metoo movement for awhile, because I'm so ugly I've never experienced that. In fact, stories like hers and hearing the #metoo stuff on the TV/radio have fueled my self hate more than anything else. Apparently most women, even the fatasses, get male attention (albeit the wrong kind) except the really ugly ones.
I was planning in eating my one meal of the day after her but I went and got a big ass cup of diet Pepsi from a gas station instead. Cause I'm one of the ugly ones and need to be skinny before I'm worth anything.
Exam in 20 minutes and gagging from hunger and stress. What to do?
/u/silviadosto
Created: Wed Oct 10 07:44:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mzkyy/exam_in_20_minutes_and_gagging_from_hunger_and/
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I'm usually nauseated in the mornings because I'm hungry and my blood sugar is low, but I have a huge intense exam in like 20 minutes and the nerves from that are making the nausea worse. Maybe you can't help me in the next 20 minutes, but what do I do in the future?
Just took motion sickness pills, ate a pack of fruit snacks, and half a pop-tart. Drinking a Coke Zero and water to get sugar and fluids in me.
Let's hope I don't puke during the exam ((::
I forgot how good it feels to restrict
/u/hazelnut___
Created: Wed Oct 10 07:38:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mzj6p/i_forgot_how_good_it_feels_to_restrict/
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The only time in my life I have ever actually lost serious weight was when I was following a strict intermittent fast, using mfp, and working out everyday. I actually saw results and felt amazing, but then a weekend out with friends threw that off and sparked a number of other binges. Since then I've just been going through a cycle of binging and starving myself and constantly feeling horrible. Yesterday I finally managed to not eat a ridiculous amount, went to the gym, and have been fasting since and it feel amazing? I know I'm less that 24 hour in this time but already I'm starting to remember how good it can feel to be hungry and not eat and I'm just really hopeful for what's to come. Maybe this will finally be the time I reach something close to my GW...
[Help] Need new calorie app
/u/audreyhepburnwho [no binge October~ Halloween goal 68kg cw 73kg]
Created: Wed Oct 10 07:20:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mze8j/need_new_calorie_app/
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I don't like how on MFP and LoseIt, the day is divided into meals. I. Don't follow specific mealtimes and would much much rather just have a list with everything i ate in a day regardless of timing. I know i could just log everything under one meal in the app but then it looks like i did OMAD even when i didnt. I eat throughout the day sometimes but don't want to log it under specific meals. I also would like to be able to set a goal lower than 1200. Any suggestions??
[Help] Dinner with boyfriend tomorrow, help me pick something?!?
/u/lostandlonley333 [5"2 | CW:108 | 19.9 | -30.6| F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 07:14:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mzcj3/dinner_with_boyfriend_tomorrow_help_me_pick/
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https://i.redd.it/exkcvsbqycr11.jpg
When does recovery get easier? It feels so hopeless
/u/littledeadkitty
Created: Wed Oct 10 07:06:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mzae2/when_does_recovery_get_easier_it_feels_so_hopeless/
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Just had another amazing experience in public. I see attractive people all the time, its annoying but it rarely makes me feel too shitty. Today tho, I was just going for a lil trip to the grocery store and I saw a girl who looked just like me. Except she was prettier in just about every way, like I'm the ugly twin. She wasn't even THAT attractive but pretty much how I wish I looked. I felt like fucking screaming in public. I don't have low self esteem but this probably set my recovery/BDD progress back a whole ass fucking year. Ended up buying weights instead of food lmao why is recovery so fucking hard. I don't wanna deal with all this shit anymore, I'm crying my eyes out
Motivation
/u/CiaMakesMoves
Created: Wed Oct 10 06:38:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mz2ue/motivation/
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I noticed I’m more self motivated to stick to calorie or weight loss goals if I have an event or something coming up with an actual date. It helps me plan out out how much per week, cheat days (if any,) what I want to accomplish. What’s your motivation?
Should I just put a mirror in my fridge 😂😫?
[Rant/Rave] Stopped myself from binging last night and woke up in the best mood of my life!!
/u/orthoreXXX [23F | 5’4” | cw 112 | gw 105 | bmi 19.6]
Created: Wed Oct 10 06:37:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mz2g6/stopped_myself_from_binging_last_night_and_woke/
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Guys for the first time ever I talked myself out of a binge after opening the food delivery app and already selecting 5 things, I decided to scroll through reddit before confirming the order and then eventually decided I needed to just go to bed. This was probably the first time I’ve ever managed to talk myself out of a binge and holy hell I feel amazing!!!
[Tip] Harm prevention and better mood for restricting
/u/MildMannerdPate
Created: Wed Oct 10 06:29:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mz0jo/harm_prevention_and_better_mood_for_restricting/
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I’ve spent a lot of time recently fasting and on Keto. I’ve found if I avoid all sugar and carbs going a day without food is incredibly easy. If you find yourself needing to restrict, it will be done the easiest by not eating more than once a day to keep your fasted state. You can eat all your calories in this window plus a little more since you burn more calories fasted due to stable insulin levels. Snacking could be the reason you feel like trash all day, it was for me. When I cut out carbs completely from my diet it became easy to simply forget to eat. Carbs can’t sustain you for as long as other nutrients. Carbs release hunger hormones in your body to make you hungry. That’s why carbs are addicting
I’m not promoting restricting, fasting, or anything like that. I know a lot of people here restrict so I want to give advice from my experience. I’m just giving advice for harm prevention and feeling better while doing so. I dropped 25 lb in just under two months following this method.
So triggered by food competitions
/u/toffee-apple-
Created: Wed Oct 10 06:15:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9myx9f/so_triggered_by_food_competitions/
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I'm 20 hours into a fast and I'm seeing so much promo for this food challenge! This sushi franchise in my town is running a sushi challenge every day this week where you can pay $20 to eat as many plates of sushi that you can in 20 minutes. They've just posted that the highest winner so far has eaten 16 plates. 16! SIXTEEN! I mean....these are rookie numbers here! Flashback to when I was on holidays in Japan and I ate 23 plates of sushi on a binge day by accident 😂 it's honestly taking a lot of self restraint to not sign up for this challenge as the winner gets a huge voucher to spend on even more sushi and I don't think that'll be good for me 😂
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! October 10, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Oct 10 06:10:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9myvvt/daily_food_diary_october_10_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for October 10, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday October 10, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Oct 10 06:09:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9myvlq/way_to_go_wednesday_october_10_2018/
---
This is the weekly achievement thread for October 10, 2018.
This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!
*****
Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
Workouts?
/u/art_istical [5'5| 98| 16.3| 17 lbs lost | female]
Created: Wed Oct 10 06:05:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9myulg/workouts/
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What are your favorite workouts that burn more calories? The three I'm planning on doing today: jump rope, HIIT (for the first time), and inline skating!
[Discussion] Dae look forward to meals so you can turn them down?
/u/not-creative-enough-
Created: Wed Oct 10 06:00:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9myt3x/dae_look_forward_to_meals_so_you_can_turn_them/
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Like I almost can’t wait till lunch (at school so it’s not like anyone’s bugging me to eat) so I can “turn down” it, same with dinner. Like knowing I had the willpower to refuse it and I almost feel superior which sounds pretty messed up. But I really like doing it. Anyone else feel this way?
I binged so hard yesterday that I was too ashamed to count the calories
/u/subarremos [5'3 | CW: 99 | GW: 88]
Created: Wed Oct 10 05:49:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9myqof/i_binged_so_hard_yesterday_that_i_was_too_ashamed/
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So, I binged on rice with butter (yes), chocolate, cookies, cereal bars and even chicken soup.
Today’s another day and I will go back on track. I gained 400 gr overnight and hit 45.2. My goals is to be at least 44.5 by saturday. Wish me luck
Do you count binge calories? I get so depressed when I do sonI just ignore them while they haunt me.
I just want men to leave me alone (TW: assault, abusive relationships)
/u/randomspaceprincess [5'11" | CW: Too much | -26lb | GW: 97lb | 28f]
Created: Wed Oct 10 05:39:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9myob3/i_just_want_men_to_leave_me_alone_tw_assault/
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So... I'm overweight. I have been for quite a while now, as a result from a few years of hardcore restricting turning into a few years of binging/purging and then turning into just binge eating, because my roommates and friends started to catch on and wouldn't let me purge. They didn't realise I could literally not stop bingeing, so I just kept gaining and gaining and gaining. Other than that, they're all super nice people and they tell me I look great and they are "so proud of me" for stopping to purge, but, you know, they don't really get it.
So... the thing is, my friends aren't the only ones who think I am attractive. I constantly get hit on and catcalled, everywhere. And it freaks me the fuck out. For context, I am not only *not* attracted to men, but I'm also really scared of them because of a few really bad experiences I had. I was stalked, raped twice and was in two extremely abusive "relationships" (back then I thought I was romantically attracted to men, just not sexually). Getting into what happened would take a while, but the second one boils down to the guy using my desperation to move out of my parents' house to have me move in with him and then hold my financial dependence on him over my head to excuse to do to me whatever he felt like. I stayed for a year and a half until I finally managed to get out.
The thing is, men seem to find me a lot less attractive when I'm thin. My shape when I'm at a BMI of like... 25-27 can be described as "curvy". The fat distributes in my ass and boobs almost exclusively, with a little bit in my thighs. I also start having what I call a "fake waist", since my bone structure makes me have no waist at all. It just exists because of the distribution of fat. Without fat, I look like an ironing board. No ass, close to no boobs. Waist? Don't know her. My arms and legs look like twigs and it becomes really obvious how bad my posture is. My ribcage makes me look hella weird. My face becomes really angular and almost masculine-looking.
And honestly, I love it. Nobody talks to me. No dude tries to smack my ass or makes remarks about my boobs. When I'm thin, all the comments I ever get is guys telling me to eat or that "only dogs want bones" or something. Well, good for you, because I literally do not want anything to do with you.
Logically, I know that my goal weight is really unhealthy, but that's the point. I don't wanna be "attractive", I want a body that men don't even bother looking at. If I could, I would want to be invisible, but I can work with "unattractive" or "too thin to put my dick in". I don't even care that maybe my girlfriend won't be attracted to me either. I just want to be left alone. That's all.
Sorry for the rant, but I really needed to get this off my chest.
[Rant/Rave] I have honestly never been more disappointed with myself
/u/fgsn [4'11 | CW: 109.4 lbs| GW: 80lbs | F23]
Created: Wed Oct 10 05:00:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9myfes/i_have_honestly_never_been_more_disappointed_with/
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Two days ago, I was at my LW EVER as an adult. ANd thennnnn I binged... ALL day. I knew it was going to be a higher intake day because of an event I had planned but I just lost all control. Two days later and I'm up 5lbs and I wanna die. I'm right where I was a couple of weeks ago. I don't know how much of this is binge weight and how much is water weight but I just feel hopeless and disgusting :/
Naproxen sodium and Bronkaid? Need someone who knows their chemistry!
/u/MissEmilyPost
Created: Wed Oct 10 04:54:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mye8v/naproxen_sodium_and_bronkaid_need_someone_who/
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Hi everyone! I know nothing about mixing pills and my old go-to pharma guy is divorcing my aunt, so I can’t ask him anymore.
I typically ec stack 1-2xs a day, with good results. This morning I’m having pretty bad period cramps, and I’d like to take menstridole, which is naproxen sodium 220mg per pill.
Is it safe to mix these? Should I just push through the cramps so I can take the ec stack? TIA!
[Other] Im stuck
/u/rosepetalmemories
Created: Wed Oct 10 04:53:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mye24/im_stuck/
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Im 5'5, I've been eating less that 700cal (minimum carbs,mostly protein) a day for the past week and a half. For the past 3 days I've been stuck at 112.8lbs.
My legs are literally so massive ugh! That’s it I’m not eating today.
/u/melpowe
Created: Wed Oct 10 04:30:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9my9l3/my_legs_are_literally_so_massive_ugh_thats_it_im/
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https://i.redd.it/n0biomfi5cr11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] How do you deal with a family that doesn't take mental health seriously? (Sort of update from yesterday)
/u/Bookeisha [182 cm | 57.3 kg | BMI 17.3 | M ]
Created: Wed Oct 10 04:27:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9my8ui/how_do_you_deal_with_a_family_that_doesnt_take/
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I haven't been able to thank those of you who reached to me yesterday. I'll make sure to reply as soon as I'm done here.
I learned I got kicked out of uni as of yesterday and my parents are already asking what my next plans are.
TRIGGER WARNING
Thing is, I already tried to drop out last year. 15th April, 2017 was my 2nd suicide attempt. I know it because I held a journal at the time. I had everything ready, from goodbye letters to my room cleaned. What eventually kept me was the image of my two little sisters attending my funerals.
My first attempt (two years prior to this) is possibly the moment everything went from bad to worse. In hindsight I was probably dealing with some latent PTSD from a traumatic time (but only a professional could diagnose it). My grades plummed and I reached to my university counsellor who advised me to get professional help (even gave me contacts). My mom didn't like it (I sort of went behind her back), she has a very low image of mental health specialists and completely dismissed it. I figured I already went thru the worst and to try to push through it. Naive wishful thinking, I just kept reaching new lows and so did my grades. I also briefly got involved with a guy while in the closet which only threw oil in the fire.
So I did try to drop out. Keep in mind I attempted (for the 2nd time) to off myself 4 months before, of which my parents were unaware. I told my mom uni was too much for me atm and it was obvious (from the last couple years) that going back to classes would do more bad than good at this point. I suggested taking a year off to get back on my feet and that I'd even go look for a job.
She basically looked at me like I was some kind of alien throughout the entire conversation, asked me what kind of job I expected to get with no degree and made it clear she was very much against it. She kept offering to study something different which I said wasn't the problem. I couldn't deal with the amount of work and studying without feeling overwhelmed. I felt burned out. **That** was the problem. She was like "so you don't want to study?" and drew a list of all the financial cost this would imply. I remember I started crying and we dropped the conversation as it was going nowhere. She told me to think about it and we would talk it further later.
What I didn't know (but quickly came to learn) is that she went behind my back to call every single one of our family members/close ones and told EVERYBODY I was dropping out. Mind you, not even a week had gone by. She would snap at the drop of a dime and made living at home insufferable.
She called me one evening in her room and went on a long rant, lamenting about how difficult things were for HER. She compared me to her colleagues' children (who are all lawyers, doctors, etc.) and brought the fact that all immigrants' children never success academically "like a curse has plagued them all". She couldn't believe one of her children was like that too. I could see now she was guilting me into enrolling back to classes when she mentioned that she hadn't called my godfather. I was like "what do you mean you haven't called him? For what?" then she told me she'd told everyone of "my" decision to drop out. One of her friends is a social worker and she said she felt so much shame when she (her friend) said she was there if I needed guidance.
Basically, I apologized for disappointing her and to make a long story short I was back to uni the next week.
2 months later I relapsed hard in ED habits.
Obviously things didn't go well this time either either except my uni doesn't want me back either. My grades have been bad for too long which I take full responsibility for but I *tried*.
My mom and I aren't on good terms. It's not bad but there's a lot of resentment and it gets ugly sometimes. I did have another mental episode back in April, completely isolated myself and didn't speak to her for a whole month (which also coincides with the time I reached one of my lowest weight) — she said that made her feel suicidal. Ironic.
Not gonna lie, my ED, among many things, is just another way for me kill myself. I never seeked my ED out. A childhood friend of mine was hospitalized for anorexia so I knew how bad this was. With time, it became a safe blanket: knowing that going long enough with this will eventually kill me feels comforting.
At least, the damages are visible here and people won't say they felt blindsided when I die. When people act horrified and point out comment much weight I've lost, it's validating. They can *see* I'm struggling too.
I couldn't care less if I died of cardiac arrest. I'm thankful my body has been so stubborn but I'm getting good at it so.
So honestly, what are my options? Part me of me wants to go full Britney Spears 2007's anxiety fueled mental breakdown, possibly shave my head and tell EVERYBODY I'M GAY AND MENTAL and go study theater (my original plan after getting my degree) but obviously, there's a huge chance I'd just end up disowned and homeless (or worse) and I can't really afford that. Did I say my parents are huge homophobes?
Keeping those two facades, the gay mental and the str8 acting people pleaser, is doing more harm than anything. It's manifesting in all kind of toxic ways, my ED included. I know my time is limited and I hate that I'm wasting my youth away. This is not the life I envisioned, I know I deserve better. And yet, here I am.
I'm also feeling a great deal of guilt writing all this down. I love my family, they're not perfect people but I'm one to throw them under bus like that. At heart, I know they want the best for me but sometimes, I think they just want to please themselves a little more (and cause my death). I mean they'd probably prefer want me dead than gay so there's that.
This is not a cry for help, just a rant.
I’m disgusted with myself
/u/GohanCake [5’1” | CW: 94 | GW: 86 | 27F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 03:02:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mxsu0/im_disgusted_with_myself/
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I just broke my husband’s trust by buying cigarettes and smoking. I’m so so so angry and disgusted with myself. When we first started dating, I used to smoke. My husband hated it but didn’t tell me to stop or give me ultimatums. I eventually stopped completely almost two years ago and my husband was so happy.
Today, for some reason, I bought a pack and smoked three cigarettes while on my morning walk. It felt so good. Then I came home, hid the pack and lighter, put the clothes I wore in the laundry, brushed my teeth three times and took an extremely thorough shower. Now I’m sitting on my couch as my husband gets ready, feeling sick to my stomach and utterly disgusted with myself. I know I need to throw the pack away but I’m afraid I won’t.
I never hide anything from my husband and I promised him I would never ever smoke again, and yet here I am. I know exactly why I did it... but it’s a complete betrayal of my husband’s trust. I don’t know what to do. I’m so angry with myself. I know I should tell him but he’s going to be so sad and disappointed. He won’t even be mad, he knows I’m relapsing and he’ll know it’s part of that, but it’ll just be another thing he’ll have to worry about. I am so sick of making him worry about me.
Please tell me to throw the pack away and please tell me if I should tell my husband.
[Rant/Rave] Why am I like this?
/u/gauntlyghost [5'5 | CW: HEFFALUMP | GW: 116| F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 02:38:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mxowp/why_am_i_like_this/
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I have this friend, we've been friends for nearly 8 years.
There's always been some competition between the two of us. She is an incredibly stunning girl, she married wealthy and she had always been skinnier than me. Up until sometime this year when I lost weight. For the first time I had SOMETHING. Then after my birthday I started picking up weight again. Now I'm back to restricting and it feels like I am in control again. She is now trying to lose weight for a big social event. She has disordered eating too, and she eats very little. I am trying so hard for her not to 'beat' me at weight loss, because I feel like it's the only thing I have.
This makes me feel like such a horrible person and I'm so insecure and I wish I wasn't like this.
Anyone else objectively look better while heavier?
/u/throwawaysilentcurt [5'5"|CW:127ish|HW:200|GW:110|20M]
Created: Wed Oct 10 01:57:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mxhsb/anyone_else_objectively_look_better_while_heavier/
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Especially being a guy I think. I'm short so when I'm skinny I just look super tiny and like a kid. When I was 20-30 lbs heavier I was probably objectively more attractive. I looked stronger and broader and more masculine. Now I look weak and scrawny. I look worse but I would love to lose 20 more pounds lol
Starving so that I can’t sleep
/u/perfectlyhereandnow [5’5 | CW:111 | BMI:18.4 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 01:54:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mxhem/starving_so_that_i_cant_sleep/
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This is so random and ridiculous. Even though I know I shouldn’t undereat by a lot for my health and to keep away binge urges, I use starving myself as a way to deal with stress over being sleep deprived at night. I have young kids that don’t sleep, and it makes me go insane with anger and anxiety over being kept up, night after night after night. But if I’m too hungry to be able to fall asleep anyway, it keeps me from getting upset about them waking me up.
Just wanted to get that off my chest, as I spend another night not sleeping...
Anyone else have a birthday related goal?
/u/BreMarieNirvana
Created: Wed Oct 10 01:39:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mxer2/anyone_else_have_a_birthday_related_goal/
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i told myself at the very least, I'd be a healthy weight for my birthday, which is 24 pounds from now! my birthday is at the end of June so it's a very doable goal as long as I manage not to binge haha. anyone else using their birthday as a goal?
Eating disorders, astrology, etc
/u/sunshineyyysoul
Created: Wed Oct 10 01:12:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mx9w3/eating_disorders_astrology_etc/
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Sooo who here is into astrology, and how do you think it correlates with your eating disorder? Feel free to dive in deep- causes of your disorder, type of disorder, aspects that play a part in your mindset, planets in various houses, etc etc. I’m curious.
[Intro] i need to relearn self control
/u/blushmilk [5'6 | CW: 201| 19F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 01:09:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mx9a4/i_need_to_relearn_self_control/
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college food sucks. relearning self control is a large goal for me, as it helps w/ more than just my **shitty** eating habits. i hate how "ooh it's lunch time" has become a regular part of my schedule. i've got to get this "time to eat/free time so you should eat" mentality out of my head!! here's to (yet another) beginning journey.
HAVE YOU SEEN THIS?
/u/ms_tiny_tits [169 | CW 51 | UGW 50 | 17.86 | 9kg |''Recovery'']
Created: Wed Oct 10 00:44:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mx4ip/have_you_seen_this/
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http://imgur.com/a/p9kWwTm
Why did I never know this... ??
/u/cutetinytroll
Created: Wed Oct 10 00:29:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mx1q3/why_did_i_never_know_this/
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I never. Ever. drink soda for the only reason that I’m scared to. Anyways I drank a diet soda and then purged and WOW? It was so easy. Normally when I do I get a headache after but I guess the carbonation makes it come back up 100x easier anyways that’s all hahaha just felt like sharing
[Help] Laxative teas?
/u/CrushedOats
Created: Wed Oct 10 00:28:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mx1mg/laxative_teas/
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I don’t wanna hop onto the lax train but I hate having food in my body. And teas are a great way to hide the fact that I’m not being healthy lmao! Where do you buy them even? I’m 17 so I can’t buy stuff hat will get me carded but I do have Fred Meyers, Safeway, Walmart and Trader Joe’s near me. Where would have a lax tea? Thank u so much!!!
[Rant/Rave] Help get me back on track
/u/CrushedOats
Created: Wed Oct 10 00:26:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mx17u/help_get_me_back_on_track/
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I’ve had a good loss of 30 pounds from the end of last school year to now. But for the past month I’ve been fluctuating up by 7 pounds. I’ve gone from a low of 113 to 120 and I’m so fucking pissed off at myself because it’s me just bingeing. Who needs pizza at 11:30 pm?? I do! I don’t even like the taste I’m just shoveling food into my mouth. Do you guys have some words of encouragement to get back on track? I’m trying to stop all this useless snacking but it’s so difficult for me to cut it out. And I’m just so upset with myself too. Please help a girl out! Even with some encouraging words. I wanna get to 105 and I’m so close!! I just gotta stop this bullshit 😭😭
[Rant/Rave] a victory and a defeat
/u/miolectrolytes [5'6.25 | CW: 134.8 | 21.64 BMI | HW: 226.7 | UGW: 120 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 10 00:26:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mx165/a_victory_and_a_defeat/
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so i have finally lost my appetite but it’s because my long-term boyfriend i thought i would marry broke up with me and is actively pursuing social relationships (probably romantic) with other women not even two days later.
i’ll lose weight, but it’s because i’m heartbroken.
kinda freaking out
/u/ethioqueen [5'9" | CW: 142 | GW: 125 | 18F ]
Created: Wed Oct 10 00:22:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mx0cb/kinda_freaking_out/
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so i’ve been at a plateau for the past like 5 months between 141-144 pounds. the past few days i’ve been hardcore binging and purging (like 5 days in a row but i stopped today) and every time i would make sure to throw up enough to literally empty the contents of my stomach but now my weight has gone up to almost 147?? idk if it’s water retention or being on my period or if im actually gaining weight but it’s scaring me and making me want to purge even more. i just wanna be in the fucking 130s goddamn kill me
[Discussion] I feel like this is garbage, but I’m not sure on the science?
/u/Arcadian_Archangel [5’9|59kg|gw50|🍑: arcadianskye]
Created: Tue Oct 9 23:51:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mwudo/i_feel_like_this_is_garbage_but_im_not_sure_on/
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https://i.redd.it/v9a8tx6mrar11.jpg
It must be so confusing to be my friends after not seeing me in a couple of months
/u/Jksaldf
Created: Tue Oct 9 23:40:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mwscw/it_must_be_so_confusing_to_be_my_friends_after/
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Have I lost or gained 10kg? Am I skinny or overweight? Am I eating 500 calories or 5000 calories a day? Place your bets now
Trying to go to bed hungry
/u/whydiepizzapie
Created: Tue Oct 9 23:15:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mwnd0/trying_to_go_to_bed_hungry/
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I hate this!!! I want to sleep but I'm so fucking hungry and all I do is dream about food. Why am I this way??? I have food but I'm at my calorie count for the day so obviously I just have to sleep. FML this is actually hell.
[Discussion] what are your favourite safe hangover foods?
/u/sleepyboyblue [5'5 | CW 110 | GW 80 | M]
Created: Tue Oct 9 23:13:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mwmzb/what_are_your_favourite_safe_hangover_foods/
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mine are slow roasted pumkin, onion and cauliflower or an egg white omelette, but i'm looking for some new ideas, what do you guys like?
[Rant/Rave] i forgot how much i love control
/u/dingbiscuit [5'6 | 197 | -6 | 19F | 🍑 naranja]
Created: Tue Oct 9 23:03:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mwknu/i_forgot_how_much_i_love_control/
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when i was in high school i was able to lose 50 pounds by restricting and it was the only thing that i truly had 100% control of
when i moved away for college i didn’t make any friends so i just depression ate chicken tenders and french fries every single day because i was homesick and managed to gain all of the weight back and then some lol
i’ve been feeling incredibly depressed the past 6 months or so because i haven’t had the willpower to restrict or to lose weight the “healthy” way
it made me realize that how much i weigh is a big part of what i deem as my worth and i guess it makes me vain but oh well
i decided to just take the plunge a week ago and i’ve been restricting successfully without binging (even though i’m having a little trouble tonight, diet coke is keeping me at bay)
i’ve lost 6 pounds and i don’t weigh 200 pounds anymore
i forgot how amazing it is to wake up and lose a pound a day (i’m totally riding on the high right now)
i’m determined to hit my goal weight this time
My mood depends 100% on whether or not the scale is going down...
/u/Kitten_in_a_teacup [5'5.5" | -79lb | F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 22:57:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mwjgn/my_mood_depends_100_on_whether_or_not_the_scale/
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A mostly fine day until I decided to weigh myself. Up *seven pounds* from one(!!!) binge day. This feels like a cruel joke and every time I have to start again, it's ten times more exhausting. Fuck everything. I know it's food and salt bloat but Jesus Christ. I just want to be good enough.
[Discussion] what’s your dream binge?
/u/incesticides
Created: Tue Oct 9 22:43:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mwglv/whats_your_dream_binge/
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mine is probably:
i start off with a root beer. full fat.
drink it while watching my favourite show. then i move onto grilled cheese with brie and blueberries. then subway cookies- random, i know- because i’ve never had them. then brownies, which would be the fudgy, gooey type. then maybe oatmeal? i really like oatmeal. thick spoonfuls of pb and nutella from the jar. finally, a big thing of poutine and a diet coke.
(then ummm i would loathe myself forever, but what’s new)
helped to type it out.
[Help] What's a pint party?
/u/AspergersAndCoffee [5'2F | CW spooky scary skeleton | Recovering (?)]
Created: Tue Oct 9 22:42:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mwg9f/whats_a_pint_party/
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I've seen that term thrown around in the recovery community a bit...I guess it's about eating a pint of ice cream and not purging it, killing yourself or whatever your ED would want to. But idk if I'm right. Am I?
[Other] She brightened my night!
/u/muesally [5’7 | CW: 160 | 25.1 | UGW: 110 | female ❤️]
Created: Tue Oct 9 22:37:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mwfae/she_brightened_my_night/
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I sent a friend a video of me doing something stupid and the first thing she says is that it looks like I’ve lost weight! This made me happy even tho I can’t see it but oh well. It’s a nice feeling even tho tomorrow i’m gonna wake up and think i’m disgusting as always. I feel hella more motivated now so I think I’m gonna begin a 48 fast. On a side note: Does anyone count c&s as breaking a fast? I never have because I don’t think you absorb enough calories for it to count but idk.
accountability post do not upvote
/u/sonorie
Created: Tue Oct 9 22:27:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mwcyf/accountability_post_do_not_upvote/
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[removed]
[Help] Leg exercises/weight loss
/u/ihate-chicken [5’7” | CW:114 | 17.8 |]
Created: Tue Oct 9 22:25:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mwcm3/leg_exercisesweight_loss/
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I feel like no matter what I do, I never lose weight in my legs or thighs...
Anyone have any advice? Is it mostly just genetics and body composition?
Gum
/u/teapip99
Created: Tue Oct 9 22:13:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mw9sc/gum/
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How much gum do you chew everyday?
I need motivation for a 24 hour fast
/u/ShannonAnon
Created: Tue Oct 9 22:11:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mw9ek/i_need_motivation_for_a_24_hour_fast/
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I’ve never done one, which is making me feel pathetic right now.
I had a couple family events this weekend and have eaten so much in the past week that I am weighing in 10lbs heavier (definitely some water weight but I know I also gained :/ ). Kill me.
I don’t think I’ve ever actively tried to restrict for 24 hours straight, so I’m posting here to force myself to actually do it haha
[Rant/Rave] Embarrassed about my roommate's concern about my food choices, but for the opposite reason as everyone else?
/u/ketokitty13
Created: Tue Oct 9 22:11:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mw9ct/embarrassed_about_my_roommates_concern_about_my/
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I loveeeeee making protein xantham gum ice cream like literally every night. Then my roommate comes in and gets really nosey about my ice cream creation (she can be a little over the top holistic about health and fitness too). She was poking at it and getting real close to it all curious..... and all I could thinking about was how she thinks I eat all of this food all of the time, because that would make sense given my current body :-/
[Rant/Rave] A famous actress just walked by...
/u/september2january [5’8” | SW196/CW 191| BMI 28/Lost 6lbs| F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 22:08:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mw8pe/a_famous_actress_just_walked_by/
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So earlier I was out, sweating and getting some exercise and Amber H (rhymes with bird) passed by. My god she is so skinny in that glowing way that makes me want to crawl under a rock and die. I watched her disappear over and over behind street poles because she is thinner than the poles! Men’s jaws dropping and necks snapping as they turned uncontrollably.
I stood like a giant sweaty potato, trying not to look. It took everything to look away. And it took all I had to scrape up some energy to go home.
I’m trying so hard to lose weight in a healthy way. I really am. Trying to keep my brain demons from making me lose 50lbs by tomorrow. I’ll never be as beautiful as Amber H no matter how much I lose.
It is so hard to take weight loss day by day instead of starving myself. When I walk outside and see perfectly slim healthy fit model bodies being out shined by pure gold wattage of Amber and then there’s me in my hideous overweight fatty suit. Sweating like an idiot. I just want to never eat solid food again. Or just eat all the food until I die.
I know it is immature and shallow to compare myself to others but I can’t help it. It’s just true that people like her are born, not made. No matter how much I try I can never be like her. Never. Ever.
I’ve ruined my body by gaining weight. I’m scared I’ll hate myself when I’ve taken off the fat and I’m left with sags and wrinkles and loose skin and just a skinny ugly person.
What is the point of any of it? If I’m thin, I’m miserable. If I’m fat, I’m miserable. If I lose weight slowly it’s like a death of 1000 cuts. It’s excruciating. If I lose weight quickly I lose my hair, my health, but at least I get to the place of at least being acceptable. But, for what? I don’t even care anymore. I want out of this race.
[Rant/Rave] fasted for 36 hours, ate an apple bcs i felt rlly faint & now i feel like i’m dying👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻
/u/death-crush [156cm | CW: 45.4kg | BMI 18.7 |GW: 43kg| 19F | bulimic bitch]
Created: Tue Oct 9 21:41:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mw2i9/fasted_for_36_hours_ate_an_apple_bcs_i_felt_rlly/
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so this was my first fast that exceeded 20 hours. my plan last night was to keep going for a few more hours until lunch but i woke up feeling kinda sick so i was like... ok, maybe i should actually eat smth
i ate an apple bcs it was the only thing in my fridge that felt “safe” (not that i have many options oops) and it’s been about an hour and i feel like i’m going to throw up, i’m dizzy and shaking. it’s almost 7 am here and i have a seminar at 8. i want to die
have y’all had any similar experiences when first trying longer fasts? & what do u usually eat to break them? hope your day is going better than mine rip, love y’all
[Rant/Rave] Job interview today... none of my suits fit :l
/u/chocolatemochas [163cm|49kg|18.4bmi|♀️]
Created: Tue Oct 9 21:39:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mw1yq/job_interview_today_none_of_my_suits_fit_l/
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On the good side: I am now AU 4-6 (US 0-2), my suits are all AU 6-8.
On the bad side: I went to my interview today looking like a child in a grown-up's outfit, had to pin my trousers so they didn't fall down and everything. It would've been hilarious if I wasn't so worried about one of the pins coming undone and having my pants fall down on my way out :D
does two spoons of cream cheese count as a meal
/u/ImMissBrightside [5'2" | cw: 94 | gw: 90| 23f]
Created: Tue Oct 9 21:33:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mw0ps/does_two_spoons_of_cream_cheese_count_as_a_meal/
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https://imgur.com/Mq3Wiby
[Rant/Rave] Feeling crappy, fasting for a week who wants to join? [Vent]
/u/fastuntilitlasts
Created: Tue Oct 9 21:28:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mvzjq/feeling_crappy_fasting_for_a_week_who_wants_to/
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Throwaway acct. because bf knows my main.
Honestly I don't expect anyone to read this wall of text. I hope nobody actually reads this embarrassing shit. I've just got this weight on my chest for years and I feel like I'm about to explode.
This is probably the most pathetic thing but I've always wanted to model. Not because I really give a shit about modeling (I hate pictures tbh) or because I want to be "gLamOUrous" but because I fucking love fashion and models. I stalk like every hf model out there and I know so much about them I creep my bf out. I love fashion, and really the only reason I want to be a model is to be able to see those beauuuuutiful clothes in real life. Like, to be able to touch, no, not only touch, but WEAR a haute couture dress that some designer and seamstress poured months into...I can't even imagine.
I'm not creative enough to be a designer, and I'm not talented enough to be a seamstress or a photographer or whatever. Apparently I'm also too ugly to be a model. I've been rejected so many times. No. Scratch that SHIT. I would LOVE to be at least rejected. But no, every time I go to an open call or send my pictures in I get a "okay we'll let you know" or just a "seen" on instagram. Like, how HARD is it to just be like "nope sorry you're too ugly don't ever try ever again." At least I won't get my hopes up.
Add that to my body dysmorphia because of which I genuinely have NO IDEA what I look like and it's just...UGH. I KNOW that modeling is an industry of rejection but jesus fucking christ. To not even be able to get my foot in the door???? Not even be signed to an agency never mind book a show?? just LOL. Am I really that fat or hideous? Nobody even knows about this giant part of my life. Nobody know how fucking much I want to model because it's so embarrassing (and also like nobody cares about fashion). I've just kept this pipe dream in my chest since like 14.
Now my ED brain is like "oh you still have a chance you're just too FAT." So I'm going to fast for at least a week. I don't even care if I lose that much weight at this point. I just feel crappy and ugly and fat and not even worth a rejection. HMU if you want to join me. Sorry for the vent.
[Discussion] does anyone else SO get mad at them for not eating?
/u/alliwantisskinny [5'7 | 113 | 17.7 | -10 | female]
Created: Tue Oct 9 21:24:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mvyh1/does_anyone_else_so_get_mad_at_them_for_not_eating/
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my boyfriend (while very supportive of me and my feelings most of the time) gets mad at me when I feel bad about eating and not wanting to eat. He also does the same thing about me wanting to hurt myself. I know he cares about me and it hurts him to see me this way but he gets mad at me and makes me feel worse sometime and I feel like I can't always tell him the truth. can anyone relate? or have advice?
[Goal] BYE 110 RANGE. BYE
/u/chzkayla [5'3 |UGW:102]
Created: Tue Oct 9 21:18:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mvx39/bye_110_range_bye/
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and i hope i never see you again. fuck this shit.
i am so overwhelmed, because i have plateaued for the past 3-4 months, and it was mentally taxing, because i just want to go below 110, and i have been trying for so long, but went below 110lbs.
and now i am finally here, after restricting and fasting, like finally? i am here bitches, welcome me please!!!!!
100lbs soon please.
idk if this should be here or not, but i just needed to tell someone, and if i tell someone irl that i am below 110lbs they prob freak out, so i am here. take this down if you see the necessity!
[Rant/Rave] I dont feel human anymore
/u/hidesnducks
Created: Tue Oct 9 21:18:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mvx1d/i_dont_feel_human_anymore/
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I am a binge eating monster instead =(
Anyone have kids? (Long)
/u/cjmorph [5’4 | 136| BMI | 50 pounds down| f]
Created: Tue Oct 9 21:10:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mvv1g/anyone_have_kids_long/
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I’m to a point where eating a meal just makes me sick. I sip on soylent and eat small snacks throughout the day. Lately I’ve been smoking at night just to try and scare up an appetite (it’s legal where I live) I have a 4yo beautiful little girl and today she finally asked “mommy when do you get hungry?” Keep in mind my child eats 3 square meals a day and several healthy snacks. Once a week I let her choose the whole day of food and a desert. But she’s never asked why I don’t eat or why I’m not hungry till today. We always sit at the table together and she’s never mentioned it so it was kind of a shock.
My husband is military and has been gone almost a year. We reunite in January in another state. He usually keeps me in check. He’s supportive but he makes sure I stay realistic. I’m wondering if the stress is escalating my problem, but without my checker I’m not noticing if I’m getting out of control.
I told my daughter I get hungry all the time I just eat snacks instead of big meals. I’m scared I’ll hurt her with my eating habits but food just makes me sick with myself.
I don’t think I even really have a question just thinking out loud hoping I’m not the only mother out there without someone keeping them in check and what they do to support their kids NOT developing the same habits..
Best friend triggers me beyond belief - rubbing in how she lost 20 pounds in 14 days
/u/Matcha88
Created: Tue Oct 9 21:02:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mvt2o/best_friend_triggers_me_beyond_belief_rubbing_in/
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So my best friend is going through some guy drama right now and when she's sad she doesn't have an appetite. So she's claimed to have lost 20 pounds from 125 in the past 14 days. When she is content she doesn't have disordered eating as far as I know. She doesn't know what calories or intermittent fasting is or how CICO works or anything.
She's also had this very competitive nature with me since we were kids. She'll often say things like, "why are we so fat and ugly?" Or "wow we got fat" and limo me in with her at any chance she can get.
I've been working so hard these past few months to go from 130 to 116 (CW) and been fasting, restricting, basically killing myself while in grad school to only lose less than what she claims to have lost in the past 14 days.
She then says things like man I'm so anorexic looking now it's scary. But omg I have a thigh gap at laaast and let's go to the mall so you can come with me while I buy all new clothes.
I feel bad because I want to be there for her when she's depressed but she makes it so so hard for me when shes this triggering. She also knows I have ED attitudes and have been fasting all summer and basically hate myself.
What do you guys think ? Any similar experiences
[Rant/Rave] I don't want to be thin. I want to be sexy
/u/6sixofspades66
Created: Tue Oct 9 20:45:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mvop9/i_dont_want_to_be_thin_i_want_to_be_sexy/
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Okay, so I do want to be thin; not always in a super thin way, but in a hot way. I want them to want me- want my body. I want to have curves. I want to be able to wear a bikini, I want to look fucking fantastic in a tight black dress. I want it all
managed to avoid a binge :)
/u/put_thelotion
Created: Tue Oct 9 20:37:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mvmpj/managed_to_avoid_a_binge/
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so I like many of us it seems frequently gain/lose the same. fucking. weight. I fluctuate around the same 20 lbs constantly and im tired of it so I finally decided that not only am I going to fast for at least five days (I've done multiple 3 day fasts w/ no trouble) but I'm not going to binge coming out of my fast either.
​
I'm a day in so far and during a staff meeting today we were offered lots of snacks, cookies and trail mix and the like, and I just knew that eating them would make me want to eat more because "I already broke my fast so FUCK IT" but instead! I managed to stay strong and just drank my water while the people next to me chowed down on Oreos :)
[Rant/Rave] falling back into unhealthy habits : )
/u/coconutw4ter
Created: Tue Oct 9 20:33:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mvlsh/falling_back_into_unhealthy_habits/
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So i just started adderall to treat adhd and as I’m sure a lot of you know stimulants are a fantastic appetite suppressant. I dont weigh myself because I’m trying to not fall back into my good old unhealthy habits but my boyfriend has commented saying I look like I’ve lost weight and it’s filling me with such a sense of euphoria and elation. I can fit into jeans I had started to get too big for, but I still look good. And with the adderall, I really only need one meal a day plus snacks.
It’s just fantastic. And I know it’s bad to be this happy about not having to eat and losing weight but aaahhh. I’ve been wanting to lose weight for MONTHS, I gained somewhere between 10-20 lbs in the past year and a half and that rly screwed me up. But I was too unmotivated. And I feel like this stimulant related weight loss is the motivation i need.
Which is awful. Bc part of me doesnt want to fall back into unhealthy habits. But most of me is just happy.
[Help] Have to talk to my doctor after basically lying for years... I'm terrified
/u/peyton2724 [5'9'' | CW: 145 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 20:13:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mvggz/have_to_talk_to_my_doctor_after_basically_lying/
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Hey there. So, long story short, I've finally decided to get help for my eating disorder. I don't talk to anyone about it - including my father (I'm a minor, by the way, we'll get to it) - and no one really knows about it because my EDNOS leaves me at the same weight forever. Anyways. I'm a military dependent, and therefore rely on my father's TriCare, and in order to be covered for my specific thing with my specific therapist I have to get a recommendation from my physician.
Simple enough. Me and my doctor are buds, I've had him for years and he's awesome, been super helpful through my growing up and he's really friendly. Even the nurses - they're awesome. But I've never - and I mean never - even somewhat mentioned my eating disorder to my doctor. The only professional I've talked to about my ED is my therapist - and I stopped going after the session where I told him about it.
I'm terrified. So legitimately scared. I know that I can very easily just have my dad leave the room and tell my doctor in private (and in most instances when it comes to mental health they ask for parents to leave anyway so that minors don't have any reservations etc. etc.), but I've never really talked to anyone fully about my eating disorder. I've told people I have one - but that's about the extent. I'm worried I'm going to break down just because I've never said it out loud before. Or that he's going to say that I'm not sick enough or something like that.
I don't know what to do. Can anyone who's talked to their doctor about their ED just kinda talk to me about how it goes or tell me what to do or something? Just anything, really.
[Help] gum addiction
/u/tiflis
Created: Tue Oct 9 20:11:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mvg3c/gum_addiction/
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Anyone else feel like they need an intervention with their gum chewing habits? It recently got to the point where I was going through 5 packs a day..... yeah. I’ve been trying to cut back but it’s SO hard. I rely on gum not just for appetite suppression but to help me focus and stay awake and even relieve stress generally. It’s like each stick gives me this dopamine kick or something that distracts me from the huge mess of stress I have going on in my life rn. Pretty pathetic but that’s where I’m at.
Anyone have any advice? Pls feel free to share horror stories of what gum does to your body or whatever lol. I think being afraid for my teeth or jaw or stomach, etc., might be the only real motivation I have to quit this gross habit :/
[Other] genius.
/u/hairbrushes
Created: Tue Oct 9 20:07:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mvev3/genius/
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https://i.redd.it/5un6j5won9r11.jpg
Does gum improve your jawline?
/u/virgomartini
Created: Tue Oct 9 20:06:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mveoi/does_gum_improve_your_jawline/
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I chew gum every single day (2 cal hehe) and I don’t see any difference but I read a long time ago that it did help defining your jawline
Did any of you know the truth?
[Rant/Rave] Wooo! Problems with love, family, work, school, and friends! At least there’s... uh... fasting, I guess?
/u/Sad_and_average
Created: Tue Oct 9 19:52:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mvax0/wooo_problems_with_love_family_work_school_and/
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Wait I suck at that, too!
I’m not getting paid for my internship, the man I have liked for a year has been stringing me along and my gut (and common sense) FEELS it, my home life is stressful and it’s hard to be around my family so I always go sit in my car alone in parking lots, I suck at school, and I have no friends that I enjoy near me.
In b4 “aww hugs!! staY strOngG hurr” wtf does that even mean.
Oh my fucking god I want to die why did I do this
/u/TotallyNotARadar [6'1" | CW: 113 | BMI: 14.23 | F (MtF, Pre-HRT)]
Created: Tue Oct 9 19:40:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mv7tv/oh_my_fucking_god_i_want_to_die_why_did_i_do_this/
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What the fucking fuck fuck fuck
I just had a 2,380 calorie DINNER. I just. Couldn’t. Fucking. Stop. I knew I shouldn’t. I didn’t want to eat what I was eating. But my fucking head just was like “dooooo itttttt”. Do I want cake too? Fuck sure I do because I fucking hate myself that’s why. 600 calories god damn it.
I’m at 3.5k IN TODAY. I legit can’t work out enough to end the day at a net zero. I promised myself I’d never lax or puke so guess who’s going to suffer in silence and never never eat again
[Discussion] Question for you foodies and food porn watchers!
/u/mmblarg
Created: Tue Oct 9 19:30:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mv4vl/question_for_you_foodies_and_food_porn_watchers/
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What do you get out of watching cooking/baking shows or youtube channels or looking at food porn?
For a brief moment I felt a serene admiration for a delicious looking dish, kinda like when you look out at a beautiful vista.... aaaaand then fat brain kicked in and screamed “EAT EVERYTHING!!!” So i had to stuff my disgusting pie-hole with low cal lentil soup to shut it the fuck up...
What about you guys?
[Rant/Rave] Fasting is the only thing that feels normal on days like today. [vent]
/u/depressionbunny [5'6" | 138 | 22.6 | -12 | FM]
Created: Tue Oct 9 19:12:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mv0am/fasting_is_the_only_thing_that_feels_normal_on/
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Not looking for advice. Just need to vent.
​
I haven't seen or talked to this ex in MONTHS. But he keeps popping up in my dreams, and too many things still remind me of him. We weren't even an official couple, just hung out for 8 months. He has a new girlfriend. I have a new boyfriend. Stupid brain and heart won't shake him. I hate how it ended. I hate that it ended. Now he haunts me everywhere I look, even when I sleep. I need an exorcist or something. I'm miserable.
​
Half way home, I started crying on the train. Not even like a real cry where you feel it coming on and your face wells up. Nope, just fat tears falling from my eyes like a leaky faucet without warning.
​
I feel very silly... and pathetic.
​
Last night I binged. It was on salad. Mixed greens, EVOO, dried cherries. Better than pizza, but still.
Fasted all day today, which feels gReAt. I'm going to finish my work, pop a benedryl, and pray that I dream of my dog instead.
EDbrain says that once I'm at my UGW, I'll feel better... That's not true. I'll feel the same, plus frustrated because nothing changed.... Begs the question. What do I really want changed?...
/\[Time to tell the truth, Depressionbunny. You're not fooling anyone with your 'strong independent woman-who-don't-put-up-with-BS' narrative.\]/
​
I want my ex. I want that ex to love me, to say I'm enough, and to be with me. I want him to call me, invite me out, where he'll apologize profusely for giving me up and beg for a second chance.
​
But that won't happen. That doesn't even happen in my dreams. /(would I even want it to?)/
​
So really, what I truly want, more than anything, is to finally move on. Completely. To forget about him entirely.
​
Anyway, thanks for letting me share my ramblings. Really had to get that out.
[Rant/Rave] Holy shit when did I lose 12 pounds?!?!?
/u/CastleInTheAttic
Created: Tue Oct 9 18:54:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9muvb5/holy_shit_when_did_i_lose_12_pounds/
---
So I moved a few months ago. Moving across the continent is expensive and I’ve only just now gotten around to buying a scale.
I weighed myself and realized I’m 148 pounds, down 12 from the 160 when I weighed myself in early August.
This is what I weighed in my senior year of high school!
This also means, at 5 7, my BMI has gone from 25 to 23.2 so I am no longer borderline overweight!!!!
Yay!
[Other] I just failed my fast
/u/lemonpepperfresh [5'1 | CW 117 | GW 92]
Created: Tue Oct 9 18:39:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9murgt/i_just_failed_my_fast/
---
I was 42 hrs in and I just binged on over 1000 calories.I was doing so well too!! Fml. now my stomach hurts so fucking bad. I honestly have no control over myself
[Rant/Rave] I tried fasting today
/u/Yoni1660
Created: Tue Oct 9 18:30:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9muoxi/i_tried_fasting_today/
---
It was amazing! I feel hangry but energetic. I’ve been stuck at 155 for a week now and if I’m not 154 or lower this fast is going tO KEEP GOING! It prevented me from snacking at work too, which is great because I work in a bakery. I’m doing this more often!
Small Victory
/u/chrissylessthan3 [5'2 | CW: 128 | HW: 132.5 | GW: 112 | UGW: 105]
Created: Tue Oct 9 18:20:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mum8u/small_victory/
---
I was at Target. I've had a really really hard past few days so I was wandering around. I grabbed vegan chicken strips and buffalo sauce and vegan ice cream bars. I wasn't going to binge and eat the whole thing, but have a dinner and ice cream. So on my way to the counter I see this girl on the phone who is like "Oooh mom! They kept saying I look like I lost a bunch of weight. I feel so good." So I turned around and put the snacks back, just got kombucha and a small bag of chips instead :) Fork yeah!
[Help] I’ve been eating so badly lately. Help
/u/RachAgainstLeMachine [5'3 🌻 CW: 93lbs 🌻 21F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 18:19:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mum4t/ive_been_eating_so_badly_lately_help/
---
So idk why I’ve been eating absolutely horribly lately. I mean realistically I’m probably not going to gain (I’ve been eating 1200-1500 on the reg lately, but I exercise a lot), but at the end of the summer I was only eating 600-800 calories. It seems like no matter how hard I try, I can’t get back to that.
I tend to blow all of my calories in the middle of the day. On work days, I’ll have a small breakfast, go to work at McDonalds (either 4am/6:30am-12/2pm), and then just go home and eat and eat and eat. On school days (Tuesday’s & Thursday’s) , I’ll go to school from 7:30am-4:30pm and then just eat a ton again. I make sure to eat a small breakfast before school and eat a Greek yogurt in the middle of the day.
I just don’t know what to do. I’ve been baking a lot lately too, so ofc I’ve been eating tons of sugar and fat. But I don’t want to give up baking cuz I love it.
At first I thought it was just PMS, but I’ve been like this for like a week now. I’m also sick, so that could be it.
Any advice?
[Discussion] ur fav low cal yet big ass meals?
/u/2AMChiliSoap [5'3F|CW: 135| BMI: 23.8 |GW: 125|-50|]
Created: Tue Oct 9 18:16:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mul9i/ur_fav_low_cal_yet_big_ass_meals/
---
stir fry is mine. i have decided that today.
so good, so so good. and cheap! AND DISGUSTINGLY filling. i feel bloated. i do not want to eat anymore. i am doing OMAD, and a stirfry omad? i didn't count calories today cuz i was depressed and hungry but ... god, i dont even wanna eat anymore. the crazy thing is, i ate 2 saucers full, probably about 2 cups? cooked up some tofu with it too, and im just... im good. it's like eating a lo-mein. I also put buldak sauce on there -- that's where the bulk of the calories are. listen, can't help it, call me whatyou want, i'm a taurus rising. i like a good tasting meal. i have sacrificed far too long to get to the weight i am now.
i made this last night for my OMAD and i dropped 2 pounds. i know for a fact this isn't sustainable, but i'm so so glad i have this tool because i ate a quarter of the most delicious brownie that i've ever had, and i'm still feeling super guilty, but knowing im full and satisfied from something so low calorie helps.
there, i have shared mine, what are your favs?
[Rant/Rave] vacationing with an ed
/u/crossdressingcarp [5’10 | 20 | f | cw: 🐘 | 🍑🌱🐻]
Created: Tue Oct 9 18:16:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mul79/vacationing_with_an_ed/
---
i’m on vacation right now so i decided to just enjoy this week and don’t worry about restricting and like technically its going fine because im having a good time not high key worrying about calories and i still finish the day like 500 calories away from maintance but somehow i still feel absolutely terribleand feel like i look extra gross..... yikes
This zine I got.
/u/justaskthebear
Created: Tue Oct 9 18:01:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9muh2z/this_zine_i_got/
---
https://i.redd.it/i9h2el2819r11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] ER made me remember a reason that I need to lose weight
/u/AbandonedDragon
Created: Tue Oct 9 17:55:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mufeh/er_made_me_remember_a_reason_that_i_need_to_lose/
---
They aren’t going to help me. It’s nothing related to ed. I’ve just had some abdominal pain and it’s getting worse so here I am. But it’s become clear that they don’t believe me and don’t care. If I was small and fragile they would listen to me and try to help out of concern. Instead here I am crying like a pathetic creature in the hallway.
I only came here rather than Urgent care (which would be cheaper and faster) because I called urgent care and they said abdominal pain would require imaging that they couldn’t do. So I wasted time and energy and money which are all resources I don’t have much of. I hate myself, I always make the wrong decisions.
Next time I want to I just want to remember how I feel right now. I was going to stop drinking so much but I really need it after today. Here’s to the next three days of only consuming energy drinks, alcoholic beverages and Diet Coke. I just want to die. Maybe whatever is wrong with my stomach will kill me. I hope so.
[Discussion] DAE get super tired and drained during their period
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 |CW 117 | GW 115 | GW 105-110 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 17:49:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mudvn/dae_get_super_tired_and_drained_during_their/
---
So I’m currently laying here with no energy. I ate about 600-800 calories today and purged a lot of that. Now I have a head ache and a lot of fatigue and lethargy.
My first purge.
/u/ChemCat6
Created: Tue Oct 9 17:29:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mu8i9/my_first_purge/
---
I'm slightly drunk so I'm sorry if this post is a bit silly but I felt like I had to get this off my chest. I've always hated myself if I ate a bit too much or ate any junk food but for a few months now this self hatred has become very intense. I've been managing it with exercising as much as possible (I'm about 46 kg/101 lbs btw) but tonight I got a takeaway on my way home with friends and when I got home I felt so guilty I had to make myself throw up. I felt so much better after. I've always been obsessed about keeping my weight low but I feel like I'm hitting a new level with this. I just really hate myself.
[Rant/Rave] People who gatekeep dieting
/u/Tsuyu_irl
Created: Tue Oct 9 17:28:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mu864/people_who_gatekeep_dieting/
---
This is the 373627th time someone has felt the need to comment on my eating. I bought steamed edamame and strawberries and a diet Dr Pepper for my work lunch (ended up throwing away rhe edamame because i overcooked it, RIP). Coworker thought it was necessary to say,
"Why are you eating so little? You could stand to gain a little weight" led into how she hated people who "act like they're fat for attention". Like FUCK off I eat like this so i don't look like YOU, Susan. That's the point!!
[Rant/Rave] i’m pretty dumb
/u/vvccvv
Created: Tue Oct 9 17:18:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mu5kr/im_pretty_dumb/
---
but this is a new low for me. yesterday i binged pretty hard and ended up drinking expired miralax now today i feel like shit. why do i do this to myself
[Discussion] Yo idk if I'm overeating or just eating normally
/u/arsenicswimmingpool
Created: Tue Oct 9 16:54:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mtygp/yo_idk_if_im_overeating_or_just_eating_normally/
---
I'm kinda sorta in recovery. Anyone else feel this way lmaoo help
(i dont keep a food diary anymore bc it makes me relapse every time i try so)
[Help] How can I hold myself accountable to finish a fast?
/u/aswerefallingdown
Created: Tue Oct 9 16:41:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mtuwg/how_can_i_hold_myself_accountable_to_finish_a_fast/
---
I want to go 3 hours / 70 hrs of fasting. But I've never reached that goal before because I have nothing to keep me accountable. I know it's against the rules but if I could just have a buddy for when I fast, or a link to a site for that. Or if that's completely not allowed, should I tell someone to motivate me (but maybe not tell them what I'm doing)? Or maybe I should post it publicly online and strangers would motivate me (however, that has never worked before)? Maybe there is some other strategy idk. Any suggestions are appreciated.
[Help] My obsession with food
/u/wayward_paths
Created: Tue Oct 9 16:37:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mtttj/my_obsession_with_food/
---
I have little control of my life so I have been controlling my food and weight. I am overweight now and am seriously restricting because I want to get down to 115. I miss being skinny. But this obsession keeps me thinking about food all the time. What do you do to stop thinking about food? I hate this mentality.
[Help] Advice/Help with Orthorexia
/u/call_me_percival
Created: Tue Oct 9 16:25:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mtqkg/advicehelp_with_orthorexia/
---
Hello everyone! First of all, I think it’s fantastic that this community exists. A safe place for people to come together and help each other through these rough times - it’s truly inspiring. I wish you all the best and I’m rooting for each and every one of you.
I was hoping some of you could help me out. Recently, someone I care for very deeply revealed to me that they are struggling with orthorexia. I’ve been able to learn bits and pieces of their struggle from what they’ve told me, but naturally they’re very hesitant to share all the personal details at this time. I very much respect their privacy in this matter, but I want to know as much as I possibly can about this eating disorder so I can be there for this person at every turn.
I’ve read seemingly every article I can find on the internet about orthorexia, so what I’m looking for here is personal experiences with orthorexia. I’d really appreciate it if any of you could provide insight into the following:
1) Have you ever suffered from orthorexia? If so, what did your day to day feel like?
2) Outside of restriction, what other challenges did you face? How did you find that orthorexia impacted you socially, physically, mentally?
3) What were some of the most helpful/supportive things that people did for you? Is there anything you could recommend that a friend do to help someone suffering?
4) In terms of treatment options, what did you find worked best?
5) Those of you who would consider yourself ‘cured’ (since I know that’s a difficult word to use when talking about eating disorders) can you talk about your journey to get there?
I know this is a lot to ask but I’d really appreciate any answers, brief or otherwise. Thank you so much!!
I'm such a mess tbh
/u/FrankWest21CP
Created: Tue Oct 9 16:12:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mtmpu/im_such_a_mess_tbh/
---
I wasn't even hungry, but my brain made me eat a whole bunch of peanut butter. And then it yelled at me to take a bunch of laxatives. I couldn't find my mom's good ones, but there were some things called "Equalactin" that I took instead. The daily max is eight. I took ten.
Yes I know laxative abuse doesnt solve anything and will wreck me in the long run. I just needed to rant.
Treatment is fucking expensive
/u/brgr77 [Height | CW | BMI | Weight Lost | Gender]
Created: Tue Oct 9 16:10:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mtm2u/treatment_is_fucking_expensive/
---
After seeing a therapist at my university for a few months, she decided to do an official ED assessment on me. It showed that I’m at a major concern for eating problems and the campus counseling center doesn’t have anyone or any program that specializes in EDs so she gave me some references for treatment centers and counselors in my area. The last couple of weeks I’ve been working with a university worker to pick the best place for me, since many aren’t covered by insurance, only have programs while I’m in class, it’s such a complicated process. Well we finally contacted a place only to find out that all the programs have a $4,000 deductible which I was expecting but still sucks to hear cause my parents can’t afford that even on a payment plan. I’m kind of at my wit’s end cause most treatments are gonna be this expensive. I’ve been looking for other places but the process is truly exhausting and having to deal with insurance and stuff is confusing and top of it all I’m in the middle of midterms so I’m just stressed and exhausted. I actually want help and can’t even afford it and am unsure of what to do now cause I can’t fix this by myself. Idk I really just wanna give up on it all and continue to be miserable cause I don’t have the energy to keep looking through all these treatment centers I can’t afford
[Rant/Rave] and this was supposed to be my fresh start....
/u/halfsmokedcig [5’2” | BMI: 24 | CW: 132 | GW: 115 | UGW: 104 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 15:51:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mtg1e/and_this_was_supposed_to_be_my_fresh_start/
---
currently studying abroad in Europe for the semester and am in a dorm with my own kitchen. I was so excited to come here for this reason. this was supposed to be my fresh new Eat Healthy Lose Weight Control All My Food And My Whole Body phase —
instead it’s my binge as much as possible and subsist soley on carbs because I have no self control.
this was supposed to be my chance to slip quietly and completely back into restriction mode and instead I’m on high binge. why can’t I get ahold of myself even here?? do I have no shame?? So sick and tired of being the DUFF, and I know that’s a shitty sexist thing to say but I really just can’t help but feel so inadequate when I see how other people just so easily recognize how to eat well and control their hunger. Why is it just me who can’t?????
490 of my 965 calories today were candy no regrets though
/u/peacecorpsquestion3 [5’6 | 118]
Created: Tue Oct 9 15:39:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mtcfo/490_of_my_965_calories_today_were_candy_no/
---
anyone else basically a junk food ana? I survive off of like candy and halo top and iced coffee. And vitamins of course lol.
Instant weight loss
/u/wildcardwonder
Created: Tue Oct 9 15:39:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mtcbq/instant_weight_loss/
---
Getting my blood drawn! Hardly ate or drank anything yesterday I’m so fucking anxious I might pass out lol RIP
What looks the safest on this menu??
/u/trying97 [CW 130-128- 126 | GW 110]
Created: Tue Oct 9 15:19:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mt6o1/what_looks_the_safest_on_this_menu/
---
I have to go out to eat with the family... what looks safest? [http://www.pacificeastkent.com/menu/](http://www.pacificeastkent.com/menu/)
[Help] Chinese food HELP
/u/ihate-chicken [5’7” | CW:116 | 18.1 |]
Created: Tue Oct 9 15:18:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mt6ey/chinese_food_help/
---
Help help help
What do I get at a Chinese restaurant tonight without looking too suspicious? Chinese food FREAKS me out
[Rant/Rave] The hardest part of losing weight is getting out of the gain/lose cycle
/u/BlurJAMD [5'4" | CW: 140lbs | GW: 110lbs | NB]
Created: Tue Oct 9 14:58:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mt07f/the_hardest_part_of_losing_weight_is_getting_out/
---
I swear I've gone through the same 10 lbs for the last year, WHEN WILL THIS END
[Help] Can’t tell if constipated or normal...
/u/mmblarg
Created: Tue Oct 9 14:32:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9msrwx/cant_tell_if_constipated_or_normal/
---
Sorry for the gross but i need poo help...
I binged two says ago: ate two big meals that were bout 2000 cals each. I’ve been fasting for the last two days and my stomach feels weird. I feel like i constantly have to go but nothing really happens other than a bit of sporadic diarrhea. Plus theres this awful churning gurgle in the middle of my intestines, like a massive bout of diarrhea is coming but it never seems to get farther.
I honestly can’t tell if it’s just slowly working it’s way through, if i’m actually empty and my tummy’s just mad at me for that, or if there is something of a block at that middle section...
[Discussion] DAE Think the new coke zero sugar tastes exactly like normal coke?
/u/coffee-vanilla [F | 5’9 | CW:150 GW:130]
Created: Tue Oct 9 14:03:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9msj1i/dae_think_the_new_coke_zero_sugar_tastes_exactly/
---
Its been years since i’ve drank a normal coke so im not sure how accurate it is, but i bought a bottle of the new coke zero sugar and i had to recheck the label as it tastes so ‘sugary’? What do you think of it? Kinda scared that its normal coke LOL even tho its in a coke zero sugar bottle
All my GW clothes fit
/u/lunasouseiseki [180cm | 77kg | 23.8 | -10kg | F:snoo_shrug:]
Created: Tue Oct 9 13:50:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9msesy/all_my_gw_clothes_fit/
---
And I couldn't have done it without your guys. This sub has been such a life raft. You're all beautiful!
Now, to wear everything but my GW clothing because I couldn't possibly be a size 12.
DAE obsess over heart rate and blood pressure?
/u/LizE4 [5'3.5 | CW: ~104 | BMI 18.1 | GW: 90 | 🍑 butterscotchpanda]
Created: Tue Oct 9 13:49:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9msefh/dae_obsess_over_heart_rate_and_blood_pressure/
---
Maybe I'm just weird, but I have a fitbit and a blood pressure monitor and I obsess over what my resting heart rate is and my blood pressure too. I used to have a resting heart rate in the low 50s and dangerously low blood pressure but now that both are in the normal range I feel shitty about myself.
I feel like maybe it was validation that I was sick. That I was getting too skinny.
But now I'm even skinnier and I've lost that validation and I want to be dying again.
[Rant/Rave] First binge in a looong time
/u/bruteheart
Created: Tue Oct 9 13:41:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9msc28/first_binge_in_a_looong_time/
---
Long-time lurker of this thread and finally posting after hitting rock bottom.
I’ve been restricting for awhile and was smooth sailing for the longest I’ve ever restricted for. I was losing steady weight. But I got high yesterday and even though I’m usually still good at restricting while high, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I ate way more than I have in ages: a Chipotle bowl and 4 HUGE cookies from a bakery.
I’ve slipped up before but this is really fucking me up. I feel so disgusted and hollow. I just ate again right now and feel disgusted with myself all over again even though it was just a salad. I didn’t even go to any of my 3 classes today and I need to start writing an essay but I can’t stop thinking about how much higher my weight was when I stepped on the scale this morning.
I feel so dramatic about it at all but I have nowhere else to talk about this stuff so I’ll put this thoughtless vent here. I just feel like I have no control over this.
[Rant/Rave] Zooming out, and what the fuck.
/u/robotsintrees [5'6 | 85.2lbs| 13.6 | Male]
Created: Tue Oct 9 13:38:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9msax0/zooming_out_and_what_the_fuck/
---
You guys saw the meal my husband made for us last night? A massive portion of pumpkin-parmesan ravioli PLUS eggplant parmesan (that's 2 separate entrees; I needed protein with the pasta, not more fat and carbs and cheese). I estimate at least 1500kcal for the meal; that had me at \~1800 for the day.
I've been eating some pretty substantial things all week; homemade pizza on Saturday, epic veggie burger on Friday, etc etc. So my head is FULL of thoughts that make me want to crawl out of my skin and I'm incredibly iffy about eating anything else ever.
My weight this morning was 85.2lbs. That's a pound down from last week, only a pound or two more than when I was admitted to hospital last month, and a solid 5 pounds from where I was when I was discharged and actually not wanting to slip back again. So I don't need to compensate for anything I've eaten. I can carry on with my meal plan and not worry that last night was massively too much (it was, but... the big picture, you know?).
Despite the solid evidence of my weight, the thoughts about what I've eaten are really holding me back. I had a smoothie this morning (because god forbid I have any more starches/grains), and I just hope that I can let go of the past and make myself a satisfying meal when I get home from work.
Semi-recovery: damned if you do, damned if you don't. (:
[Discussion] Accidentally took too much caffeine
/u/Isaidbiiiitttttttchh [Height 5’9”| HW:216| CW:150 | GW: 132 Gender: F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 13:37:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9msalr/accidentally_took_too_much_caffeine/
---
Ok took way to much caffeine and now my heart is racing and I feel scattered and a bit manic. I wasn’t trying to restrict. I’ve just been so sleepy after I run I took 400mg of caffeine with a tiny bit of preworkout.
Who else has accidentally done this? It’s an weird feeling. Now I just gotta wait it out.
I haven't had my period in over 6 months....
/u/WokeDovahkiin
Created: Tue Oct 9 13:36:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9msae7/i_havent_had_my_period_in_over_6_months/
---
... and my skin is paying the price for it. Have any of you had acne on your face due to amenorrhea?
[Rant/Rave] My SO is trying to gain weight
/u/wanderingdorathy
Created: Tue Oct 9 13:27:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ms7hx/my_so_is_trying_to_gain_weight/
---
He is 6’7 and is pretty active at his job and likes running for stress relief. His calorie goals are to try and hit 4,000 calories a day.... yup.
I want to cry just thinking about helping him meet his goals.
Thank goodness for OMAD, so hopefully we’ll still get to eat together sometimes.
[Rant/Rave] I'm not sure what to do anymore
/u/Internet_Soup
Created: Tue Oct 9 13:24:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ms6u2/im_not_sure_what_to_do_anymore/
---
Being in college is not easy and it doesn't make your time any easier while having anxiety, depression and an eating disorder. I'm getting to that point where I think I'll be failing this year because my eating disorder makes me feel impaired.
It's really dragging me down where I don't feel like I can function properly and idk what to do about this anymore. I'm scared for how much lower I'll go and what will happen to me. I don't want to fail school, have people leave me, or be hospitalized/ die.
I just really needed to get this out. Sorry.
Hunger pangs
/u/Heads-cars-bending
Created: Tue Oct 9 13:24:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ms6tf/hunger_pangs/
---
I usually eat sea salt to stop hunger pangs as it both makes me feel a little sick but also stops me from feeling hungry as it's usually taste rather than actual food I'm craving. But recently I've noticed I can almost feel my blood pressure rising when I do this, does anyone have a slightly healthier way of stopping a craving than this??? thanks in advance
[Rant/Rave] oh boy
/u/basicvodkaboy
Created: Tue Oct 9 13:15:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ms3yw/oh_boy/
---
Excuse the mad ramblings of a 21 year old guy that just purged and drank a lot of vodka, but I don’t see my therapist until next week and I need a place to vent.
I’m fed up. Seriously. I’m so done. I’ve been recently diagnosed with borderline. It wasn’t really a big surprise, I was quite aware that there is something seriously wrong with me, but it was still a diagnosis that punched me directly into the face. But as we all know, mental illnesses are buy one and get one for free! What a deal! So I got an eating disorder as a bonus.
It’s a weird combination. I’m empty. All the time. There is a void inside me and I can’t fill it. My personality is a iridescent chameleon fitted for the people I like. I use people up and throw them away, because I can’t deal with the attention I receive. I purge and starve because I have to be liked by everyone. I. Am. Hungry. But nothing ever fills me up. No amount of food can ever fill the gigantic hole in the place where my soul should be.
But the worst thing is the loneliness. I love being alone. But every day passes and I don’t talk to anyone. And the feeling of loneliness creeps up from behind. Hunger numbs the feeling of loneliness. I haven’t talked to anyone in a week. Not because nobody wants to talk to me; but because I can’t stand talking to anybody. I am so angry when friends contact me. For no reason I am so angry. And the anger is all consuming, and so burning. It burns and it hurts me and everybody else.
But the worst thing is the limbo I am a prisoner of. The prison of my body image. Am I skinny? Yeah, kind of. Am I really skinny? I don’t think so. Am I beautiful? One minute I am the most gorgeous person on earth, the next minute I am a piece of ugly trash nobody wants. The highest of highs and the lowest of lows nearly simultaneous.
And this ambivalence of self-perception shifts everyday. It shifts every minute. And it’s so fucking exhausting. I have no Idea who or what I am. I am an empty vessel. My therapist says everybody has a personality; I doubt I have one.
But the worst thing is the loneliness. There’s this constant thought that I will be forever alone. That I will never find a guy that truly likes me, because when someone likes you, you have to open up and show them your soul. But what if you don’t really have a soul?
It’s not that I have problems finding guys. There are plenty. Men, for some fucked up reason, really love me. I Am like a tornado that storms into their life. They love me because I instantly know what they want and I adjust my personality accordingly. I lure them in and ghost them. I give them what they really desire. But when I’m done with them, I have to leave. I have to leave because I am so afraid that they will see what I really am. They love me, because seduction is a game for me. When I seduce someone, I feel like the sexiest person on earth. It’s not that I am literally sexy, but in the moment I am. After that I have to flee. I flee while he showers. And I walk home and congratulate myself on my victory.
And later when I’m in the shower I feel the despair coming. The big question: Why? Why did I have to do this? Why can’t I be normal? And it keeps me awake. And the loneliness is back and I still feel empty. And i Look at myself in the mirror and I am fat again.
Tl;dr: everything is absolutely horrible and idk, I think I’m gonna get some dick now
[Rant/Rave] Being sick
/u/Coldcoffeepls
Created: Tue Oct 9 13:04:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ms0h2/being_sick/
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I fucking hate being sick because it makes me feel like shit, but also I LOVE IT. I lose my appetite and always lose so much weight. Plus it’s acceptable to eat soup for every meal which is super low cal. Yay being sick kinda
From anorexia to bed
/u/vaenee
Created: Tue Oct 9 12:59:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mrz29/from_anorexia_to_bed/
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Why the fuckkkk is wrong with me. I used to be so good at restricting. It used to be so easy. Suddenly at an BMI 17 (idc if I even had ana cuz I wasnt dangerously underweight) I decided to ‘recover’ lmao. That was like 4 months ago and I have literally been binging ever since. Gained more than I even lost in the first place. Every time I try to restrict now I just binge. Every time I feel sad or frustrated I just binge now. Idc what to do because the self hatred is becoming intolerable. Literally justifying my binges because I hate myself anyway. My excuses are so dumb “I’m ugly, bad skin, bad socially so why not binge as well🤷🏼♀️” what is weird is that I started restricting because I had an intense self hatred but now I binge instead?? Worst trade off ever. My coping mechanism used to make me thin, now I’m just a fat gross bitch yay
Sry just rambling I guess. Maybe someone can relate.
[Rant/Rave] DAE regret breaking their fast
/u/whitechocolateonly [5'8" | CW: 128.2 & BMI: 19.5 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 12:25:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mrogg/dae_regret_breaking_their_fast/
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I broke a 36 hour fast this morning that I know I could prevented by drinking some water but I was too lazy to go get my water bottle. I’m so mad at myself. I know realistically it won’t negatively impact my progress but that doesn’t change how I feel. At least I’m finally in the mindset to fast for extended periods again.
[Rant/Rave] Feeling gross today
/u/exgfbff [5'9 | CW 142 | SW 149 | GW 130]
Created: Tue Oct 9 12:24:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mrobp/feeling_gross_today/
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This morning when I weighed myself I was only a couple oz less than I was yesterday, but when I put on my work clothes (I had a three day weekend) I felt like I was swimming in them. I don't really feel skinnier I just feel like I look like I'm wearing over sized baggy clothes. Has anyone else experienced this? I've been spending a lot of extra time in the gym lately so maybe that's why I haven't lost any actual weight but I can definitely tell my clothes look baggier. Le sigh.
[Other] Idk what to this of this- let me explain.
/u/anniehila
Created: Tue Oct 9 12:23:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mro08/idk_what_to_this_of_this_let_me_explain/
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The other day I managed to stay within my new calorie goal and it felt amazing. I’d lost a bunch of weight with my previous one but hit a wall so I decided to take it further.
Well, I was getting out of the shower and when I looked in the mirror, for about 10 seconds, I felt like i actually looked pretty. My face and body, I just felt beautiful.
Within minutes I looked in the mirror again and I felt the same as I always do. I felt like I still needed to change. There was still work to be done.
Is this body dysmorphia? Could that have been my mental filter letting me see through for a bit?
It’s all confusing because for as long as I can remember I’ve seen my reflection as intensely flawed and in need of change. I’ve never looked at myself and just thought ‘wow. You’re actually beautiful’
I’m sorry if this is stupid or sounds weird.
[Rant/Rave] I lost a diamond!!!
/u/zaniathin [5’3” | CW: 154 | -6 lbs | F | Relapsed Again]
Created: Tue Oct 9 12:23:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mrnv5/i_lost_a_diamond/
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I’ve been having a pretty rough day today and the icing on the cake was looking down at my wedding ring and see that one of my diamonds is missing.
Everything today has been shit.
I was thinking about breaking my fast but fuck that. I’m going to keep fasting just to prove to whatever Murphy’s law this is that I’m in control!
[Discussion] DAE hides away food "for later" and just forgets about it?
/u/nsagaydo
Created: Tue Oct 9 12:20:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mrn3b/dae_hides_away_food_for_later_and_just_forgets/
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So I always keep hard candy and toffees around myself since, weirdly enough, eating a piece of candy helps me avoid binging/eating something more calorie dense.
I'm currently looking through stuff at my desk at work, since we're gonna move offices pretty soon, and I found a lil stash of candies, small chocolates and toffees that I had forgotten about. Hopefully they are still good. I have another bag of candies in my purse, and another one at home, and one more at my boyfriend's. Am I a hoarder?
[Rant/Rave] fuck periods
/u/lemonsubmarine [5'3" | CW 118 | GW 110 | UGW ??]
Created: Tue Oct 9 12:00:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mrgkd/fuck_periods/
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Fuck my period forever. Fuck it for making me tired and irritable, fuck it for making me bloated and MOST OF ALL fuck it for making me binge for the first time in weeks. I was doing so damn well and now I have to get through a whole work day sitting with the trash feeling of a recent binge. Today is officially canceled, ok thank you for listening 🙃
Had an awful experience with a doctor today
/u/throwawayluckybamboo [5'4" | CW: 145.2 | GW: 125 | LW: 115 | UGW: 105]
Created: Tue Oct 9 11:59:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mrgew/had_an_awful_experience_with_a_doctor_today/
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I've been trying to find a new family doctor and went for a 'meet and greet' with one I found online who seemed to have good reviews. It's started off bad right away. She asked how long I had been married for and then asked whether I wanted to have kids. I said we hadn't decided yet and she laughed and looked at me incredulously. Then we started talking about my anxiety and depression. I explained how it started up again with full force after problems with my MIL started happening. She told me I should just ignore her, and when I told her neither myself or my husband have seen her since last July she was shocked and asked why I was making my husband not see his mother, and how she must miss him so much and how I shouldn't make him do that because it's his mother. Right here is where I should say that I am South Asian and so is she. At this point I knew she thought my MIL/husband were also South Asian, so I told her that one of her things my MIL hates about me is my skin colour, because my husband and family are white. Her first reaction was 'I've never heard of a white MIL like that, usually it's just our culture'. Which is crazy, it's such a prevalent problem and you've seriously never seen it in anyone not brown?? She then followed it up by saying 'usually white people, they just raise their kids and then don't care about anything to do with them after they turn 18'. I didn't even know what to say to that! Then she said 'you have a PhD, why are you letting her effect you like this. Just ignore her and stop being anxious about it.' WoW tHaNkS iM cUrEd!!!1111
Then we talked about the eating disorder stuff and I told her it stemmed from my parents and brothers calling me fat all the time. Guess what she said??? 'Well, that's just how things are in our culture. I call my son fat all the time when he asks for cookies after eating dinner.' And I asked her 'would you still say that to him if it obviously upset him and he cried?' And she shrugged and didn't answer. And then I told her about how the first time my mom told me to go on a diet I was 7, she told me I was getting a tummy and I should stop eating so much. Again, she said 'it's just how we show caring'. I mentioned my poor relationship with my parents and how my parents used to hit us excessively and she said 'well, they're probably in their 60s now, you shouldn't say anything to them because they'll take it to heart.' And I said I don't talk to my dad anymore because of his behaviour and again she said 'he's old and probably didn't know better', and I told her about how when I was 23 I moved out and he was so angry he told me he 'wished I hadn't been born', or that he 'wished I had been born re****ed' and then called me a c**t. And I asked 'am I supposed to forgive that on top of all the other things' and she said maybe family counselling, even though I had already told her that when I asked him to apologize for this, he told me it was my fault that he said this. Apparently, if someone other than me tells him he might be more receptive. I told her that my parents went to counselling with a priest (lol) and the priest told my dad to stop hitting my mom and forcing her to have sex with him, but he didn't stop. Then she finally was like 'maybe it wouldn't work then'. I was so upset afterwards. I'm so tired of having my mental health issues dismissed as 'cultural issues'. The first time I tried to get help, the doctor said the same thing and it put me off trying again for another year.
And then at the end she told me again 'just don't be anxious, you're the only one who is affected.' Which is true, but if it was that fucking easy, don't you think I'd stop being anxious????
I guess this isn't really eating disorder related. But I feel like I have been completely invalidated in how my childhood shaped and led to my food issues and my mental health issues. I had already planned on starting a severe restriction cycle today because of how much I ate over the weekend, and I don't understand why but this has triggered me even more. I feel like I'm making up my issues and that I don't really have an eating disorder or it's just my fault if I do have one...
Studying whilst restricting
/u/peppercorn31
Created: Tue Oct 9 11:46:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mrcd1/studying_whilst_restricting/
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I work full time and am also studying for a course which is due to finish next month. Today I was restricting and studying and it was really hard work. Does anybody have any advice for me? This course is really important
DAE sometimes eat more food to make sure their calorie count is accurate?
/u/Call_me_Cassius [5'5" | CW: too high | GW: too low | -45lb | M21]
Created: Tue Oct 9 11:30:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mr7bj/dae_sometimes_eat_more_food_to_make_sure_their/
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I was trying to restrict without counting calories. Just relying on safe foods and portion control. I made a loaf of bread, but it was supposed to last the whole week and be my only carbs. Instead I ate most of it for breakfast this morning. And since I didn't stick to the plan, now I feel like I have to count the calories, except I didn't weigh the loaf before I ate it, so I don't know how much I ate. I know how much was in my whole loaf, and since I can't accurately determine how much I ate if it's less than the one whole, then obviously I have to eat the whole loaf today so I can count it accurately, even though I know the total is double what I'm comfortable with per day. But I ate more than half the loaf, so I'm already over my limit, so what does it matter?
There are a billion reasons to save the rest of the bread or even throw it away, just don't eat it now, but if I don't eat it now my calorie count is inaccurate and if I'm counting calories, which I guess I am now, I can't live with the numbers being off!
Does anyone else do this? Eat more just to be accurate?
Does anyone else’s ED distract them from their depression and anxiety?
/u/thinwishes_ [5'7" | CW 135 lb | GW 125 lb | UGW 120 lb | F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 11:28:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mr6oc/does_anyone_elses_ed_distract_them_from_their/
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[Discussion] Scoliosis/ physically disfiguring conditions
/u/xyenince
Created: Tue Oct 9 11:12:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mr1to/scoliosis_physically_disfiguring_conditions/
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Hey!
I was wondering if anyone else had scoliosis or kyphosis or even anything else disfiguring that contributes to their ED.
I have had scoliokyphosis since I was 11 and its always been such a huge drain on my self image. Especially with the kyphosis, which is hunchback, I always look like I have a gut and just bigger all around because my back sticks out and my shoulders and ribs have grown bigger to allow myself to breathe normally.
It really sucks to feel like my weight is the only thing I can control about my appearance
Has anyone gone through surgery? I live in a less densely populated area so we don't have a lot of specialists or surgeons and surgery has never been suggested to me because of the risks, especially with kyphosis but pt has never helped and I'm constantly in pain.
This is a picture of me standing up as straight as I can which I almost never do because its painful
http://imgur.com/a/ZDeBNd9
[Rant/Rave] That cliche phrase has finally become real for me
/u/little_tiny_pumpkin [5'5.5'' | CW: 119 | GW: 115 | HW: 136 | LW: 90 | 27F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 11:02:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mqyi3/that_cliche_phrase_has_finally_become_real_for_me/
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"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels."
Or, at least, the feeling of an empty system.
Yesterday for my birthday I decided to gift myself a 24hr fast -- probably my first documented one, and certainly my first smooth one (I've been a nausea-prone wuss all my life). Coffee + electrolytes kept me energized all day to the point where come dinnertime... I didn't want to eat. It felt like I was barreling full-speed through my day and it was almost time to slam on the brakes. The thought of tasting, experiencing, craving, falling dependent on food was so jarring. I didn't want the crash, the hunger pangs, the feeling of digestion and the desire for more food.
I'm finally trying my hand at OMAD, and probably the most daunting part of this whole thing is trying to decide what "deserves" to break my fast at the end of the day. I've gone straight from snacking all fucking day to not being able to think of a single thing I crave enough to have it as my one solitary meal.
Sorry, I know this prob sounds so dramatic lol. I just never thought I'd be able to get through any sort of fast without passing out and/or dry heaving all day, let alone be more energized than when I do eat.
[Discussion] 6 laxatives
/u/med_z [5'2ft | cw:115lbs|gw:84lbs|nb lesbian]
Created: Tue Oct 9 10:59:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mqxdr/6_laxatives/
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I couldn’t purge yesterday bc my friend slept over bc we were going on a college tour today so instead I took 6 laxatives at once and now (at the tour) we finally get to lunch so I was gonna on to the bathroom and as I’m waiting for us to get set up I shit my pants so I have to walk around for 5hrs in toilet paper filled underwear and luckily black shorts. I really need a therapist
[Help] can I bring Bronkaid on a plane?
/u/RusselToveysEars
Created: Tue Oct 9 10:59:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mqxc3/can_i_bring_bronkaid_on_a_plane/
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So I'm probably being paranoid over nothing, but does anyone have any experience bringing Bronkaid in their carry on? I live in a rx-only state, but I'm flying to an over-the-counter state (not sure if that's relevant). Should I keep it in the box, or just carry the pills in a pill case? Will they confiscate it? I actually have asthma, so I was thinking I would have my inhaler too just in case anyone says anything. And yes, I realize I'm way overthinking this, but just wanted some reassurance.
When everything is out of my control...
/u/ED_throwfaraway [5' | 104lbs | 21.3 BMI | FtM]
Created: Tue Oct 9 10:33:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mqpf1/when_everything_is_out_of_my_control/
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... the one thing I can control is my weight.
Dug myself out of ED will-this-toothpaste-make-me-fat? Hell, went from an emaciated Middle Schooler lost in the mental fog to a healthy weight over the course of a few years, and maintained since. Never set foot in a recovery clinic. I'm fucking glad I didn't. I didn't need to be showered with false platitudes of beauty or my head filled with more misinformation on the human body. That goes against everything about me. Instead, I unlearned all the misconceptions about metabolism I was taught in public school nutrition "lessons"; the beliefs that percolate through the general population. Arming myself with the knowledge that my weight is always under MY control I could battle the sickness in my head.
Trauma, gender dysphoria, hypersensitivity due to autism, and the lack of CONTROL over many aspects of my life. All of it ties into my ED in an ugly knot. Being at a healthy weight is uncomfortable.
There's the competitiveness. I saw a picture of my best friend the other day. It stirred up some deep-seeded issues. I look up to her too much. She's thinner than me. She has lost weight. I can't have that. I'm fucked because that's what I think.
If I'm thinner again, then I'll be good enough. 10, 15, ideally 20lbs.
It's the one thing I can do.
Need to stop talking about my eating habits
/u/liteandlil
Created: Tue Oct 9 10:23:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mqm62/need_to_stop_talking_about_my_eating_habits/
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I can FEEL my friends and boyfriend getting concerned when I casually talk about how i haven’t eaten much that day or about how I want to lose some weight before Halloween. But it’s so hard to stop. Food and weight loss are constantly on my mind and it’s almost impossible for me not to mention it. I don’t think they suspect ED yet though. My BMI is still very normal (5’ 112 lbs BMI 21.9) and I think most girls my age want to “lose like 3 lbs before Halloween” so I don’t think they’re that worried. Hopefully I can get my shit together and stop talking about my issues with food (and lose 5+ lbs this month I already lost 3)
Mile High Club
/u/carolineeo [5'7" | 115 | 18 | 22F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 10:19:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mqkwi/mile_high_club/
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Is there an ED version of the mile high club for purging above 10,000 feet?? Because... Oops. Guess I'm a member now -.-
[Help] " Ana" buddy?
/u/fuckingilluminated
Created: Tue Oct 9 10:16:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mqjqw/ana_buddy/
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[removed]
[Discussion] Actually good treatment centers?
/u/hopeless_anon [5'5 | CW: 109 LW: 85 | 17F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 10:13:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mqj14/actually_good_treatment_centers/
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I was genuinely wondering if there are any good treatment centers out there and please tell me which ones.
I’ve spent nearly 6 months in an abusive and horrible residential program so I am very very weary of any sort of treatment place. You can look through my old posts to hear all about that shithole.
Anyway I think my mom is going to send me back pretty soon given that I’ve lost over 10lbs in a month and got sent back to the hospital for heart trouble.
I was curious about center for hope in Reno, if anyone’s been there?
Note: I live in NorCal but idc if it’s far away
Thx
[Discussion] DAE have an all-or-nothing mindset re: junk?
/u/songfireleaf [5'8 | CW 159 | BMI 23.91 | GW 100| he/him]
Created: Tue Oct 9 10:05:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mqg6g/dae_have_an_allornothing_mindset_re_junk/
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(this is long but there is a tldr + question at the bottom)
I find that whenever I end up eating something that's categorized as a "bad food" in my head, ESPECIALLY baked goods like pastries, I basically end up eating until I'm sick. I'm not completely sure if it's binging, as I'm still sort of in control, but suddenly there are 0 of the 12 cookies that were previously in front of me, or a whole pizza is gone, etc. This has been happening since I was a kid (although probably a smidge less violently back then) and it makes me feel awful. But part of my head is yelling "if you don't eat it aaaaaall now, you're going to feel disgusting for the next several days/weeks every single time you eat some of this thing as you work toward getting rid of it."
In the past, to keep myself from going overboard, I've found creative ways to dispose of the leftovers after I had whatever I initially deemed an okay amount to eat. But since I'm lower on money rn, I haven't been tossing as much unsafe food as I tend to otherwise, because it's still food and that means it was money (and I usually end up owning unsafe foods because someone else bought it for me or it was free, meaning this is a food I didn't have to pay for, and thus it is saving me money elsewhere if I eat it instead of something else).
The un-disordered bit of my brain argues that it is okay to eat unhealthy foods, as long as it's not in excess, but this is... definitely in excess, and afterward I feel mentally and physically awful for days. If I could figure out a way to not be excessive about these things I think I could maybe be a little more okay, but I never really learned healthy amounts of self control regarding food. *coughs at my eating disorder*
tldr; if I eat junk, it's all of it at once, and it makes me feel utterly terrible.
Does anyone else experience this? Is there anything you've done that helped the impulse?
my boobs are ruining my life
/u/lkroa
Created: Tue Oct 9 10:02:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mqf52/my_boobs_are_ruining_my_life/
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I feel like I would hate the way I look sooo much less if I actually had boobs instead of these tiny fucking things. They’re actually pretty cute but the entire rest of my body is big and chunky so I look so disproportionate. So unless I get fake tits any time soon getting skinny is my only option
TIRED OF THIS SHIT
/u/MissxHila
Created: Tue Oct 9 10:02:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mqf33/tired_of_this_shit/
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I fucking hate being like this. Fucking hell. One day I feel like there's nothing wrong with me and I look perfect and great and I don't need to change a thing, and the next I feel like shit and I wake up crying and I need to change everything about me. Every time I feel better about my body and having lost 6 inches off my waist in two months, another body part is too FAT and sticks out. Nevermind that your shorts are practically dropping off your frame, right?
​
At first 1,200 calories a day was fine, then reduced it to 960 calories, and now anything over 750 gives me anxiety so I'll eat 550 just to be safe. The shittiest part is that I think I'm gaining on a huge deficit. What the fuck is this?
​
My boyfriend bought me a huge platter of sushi that was 1900 calories two days ago and sushi's my favourite fucking food in the whole wide world, I've been whining about wanting it for fucking weeks and I did not enjoy eating it one bit. But I still ate it knowing that I've to fast a week for it. :).
​
And the worst thing is I'm convinced I don't have an eating disorder because my bmi's not low enough. I thought I could start restricting again after a year without relapsing. I'm a fraud, and I'm fat. I don't obsessively exercise or step on the scale every fuckin day. I don't even own a scale. But normal people don't obsessively measure their waist, or their fat ass thighs, or their arms and neck everyday and cry over a gain. And normal people definitely don't think that 500 calories a day is too much.
​
Fuck. I just want to be so small that I disappear.
I saw an old photo of myself today and had something close to a breakdown wondering why I couldn't have stayed that thin forever.
/u/throoaweigh
Created: Tue Oct 9 09:55:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mqcwp/i_saw_an_old_photo_of_myself_today_and_had/
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In the photo, I was ten years old. A child.
I feel sick.
[Rant/Rave] Weighing myself....
/u/BigFrameSkinnyAddict
Created: Tue Oct 9 09:51:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mqbp7/weighing_myself/
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I havent weighed myself in 1 year.... And ever since school started its like I need to know what I weigh but at the same time I don't... Ugh
What does it even mean if I've been below a BMI of 17.5 but I'm not always?
/u/sabeneanie
Created: Tue Oct 9 09:39:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mq86o/what_does_it_even_mean_if_ive_been_below_a_bmi_of/
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And my eating disorder is fake and I'm just healthy dieting, and maintaining as low as possible of a bmi without being underweight even though I look skeletal at a bmi of 18.5 and I feel faint all the time?
Pls help me understand, I feel like the fat person people in fat logic always mock for saying they have an ED.
Like my bmi has swung from 16.5 to 22 but it's usually about 19.5-20. But I've met diagnostic criteria many times before, in stressful life moments, on purpose. So I'm capable of being underweight I promise
[Help] What to buy from amazon
/u/thin42069
Created: Tue Oct 9 09:39:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mq867/what_to_buy_from_amazon/
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I have a voucher to spend on amazon does anyone have any recommendations what I could spend that money on that’s Ed related so far only got shirataki noodles and I’m thinking about electrolyte supplements. Anyone have any other good ideas? Cheers
[Help] boss keeps making comments
/u/nolita-fairytale
Created: Tue Oct 9 09:21:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mq2e4/boss_keeps_making_comments/
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so i’ve been at my job for about five months now and in that time i’ve lost around 10 pounds. my manager keeps making comments about it. first he asked if i ate healthy to lose weight and that i didn’t need to. then he told me i’ve lost too much weight. yesterday i was eating a baked potato and he asked if i’m on a diet. i’ve never mentioned my weight around him or asked for his opinion and idk how to get him to stop without raising concern.
[Other] DAE drink Diet Coke in the morning? ....and also coffee lol
/u/mladyisthename
Created: Tue Oct 9 08:57:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mpuoz/dae_drink_diet_coke_in_the_morning_and_also/
---
https://i.redd.it/rcjysuk4c6r11.jpg
I got kicked out of uni
/u/Bookeisha [182 cm | 57.3 kg | BMI 17.3 | M ]
Created: Tue Oct 9 08:51:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mpt0h/i_got_kicked_out_of_uni/
---
I would say my mental health eventually got the best of me but I don't know what to believe/blame anymore. Maybe I really am a failure. I was mostly there out of necessity rather than passion but it still hurts.
4 years down the drain. Goodbye financial independence and goodbye being finally able to come out. All for **nothing** because I was too stupid to pass just like everyone else.
Please tell me this is not the end
What do you consider too thin?
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 |CW 118 | GW 115 | GW 105-110 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 08:48:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mps56/what_do_you_consider_too_thin/
---
Or is there even a too thin? I'm curious about what you guys think. What bmi would be too thin?
Stupid things SOs say
/u/Linzcro
Created: Tue Oct 9 08:40:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mppnd/stupid_things_sos_say/
---
Hello friends!
I just wanted to vent about something that made me upset this past weekend.
To set the scene I am down about 50 lbs since deciding to make a change last year. I am very short, so I haven’t been comfortable sharing a full body picture until this past week on social media. I only post maybe 3 or 4 times a year so I got a lot of responses and kind words.
My SOs best friend and his sister apparently texted him to compliment me (why they didn’t text me directly I’ll never know) and he told them it was a combination of diet, exercise, and the FUCKING NERVE DISORDER I’VE RECENTLY GOTTEN that makes unable to eat sometimes. While this is true, it accounts for MAYBE 5-7 of those pounds I’ve lost. Also, I’ve kept it off and have even lost more taking medication for it that supposedly makes people gain weight. (Though I don’t buy that, calories don’t come from no where)
When I voiced my disapproval he says he was jealous because he looks ‘fat’ in the picture (that’s a laugh, he hasn’t been fat a day in his life) but that he won’t say it anymore if I can keep it off 😡. Oh I’ll keep it off and I’ll lose another 20 more just for spite. Thanks for the anger motivation, babe.
The thing is, is that he’s otherwise an amazing man and I love him so much that I could cry thinking of what he’s done for me. But this fucking blinded me with rage. I know part of it is that they noticed at all, which in my head is like them remembering that I used to be a massive sow. Ugh.
So tell me friends, what have your otherwise wonderful SOs said that’s set you off and what did you do. Thanks for listening, I feel better already.
[Other] 40 hours into current fast
/u/watchmedisapr
Created: Tue Oct 9 08:37:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mponc/40_hours_into_current_fast/
---
And I'm down 3lbs. I'm choosing to confront my past sexual abuse and approach it from an intellectual viewpoint. I feel in control of my life. I feel strong. I will be calling the court house today to see if there's any chance documents are still available 30 years on.
[Rant/Rave] Whom else is feeling fat on this fine day
/u/ZygomaticArdvark [5'2" | CW:99.5 | BMI 18.2 | 16F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 08:28:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mpm2y/whom_else_is_feeling_fat_on_this_fine_day/
---
I've been binging all weekend because my therapist is forcing me to gain weight before my appointment this afternoon, and holy shit I feel huge. I know a lot of it is probably water weight and I'm probably only up one or two actual pounds but Jesus I'm fat
[Other] When you need a little help filling out...😂
/u/BeginningBarnacle [5'4"|CW120|HW136|F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 08:23:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mpkn9/when_you_need_a_little_help_filling_out/
---
[thought this was cute!](https://www.reddit.com/r/gifs/comments/9mn2w6/thanks_for_your_collaboration/?st=JN1TDUFN&sh=18f9bf92)
[Other] Considering a binge ://
/u/cottagegay
Created: Tue Oct 9 08:15:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mpi8q/considering_a_binge/
---
I'm really really hungry and trying not to give in to it because I know I don't deserve it, but I just realized how I could easily walk to the store and buy myself some chips and a soda and it's sounding so tempting.
I'm trying to keep my mind off if but it really sounds so good right now :///
[Help] Helpful apps- whats new?
/u/handzies
Created: Tue Oct 9 08:01:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mpe1t/helpful_apps_whats_new/
---
First and foremost, what in the heck is that one website that you put in how many calories you eat a day and it gives you a forecasting of if you keep it up?
Secondly, is there a better calorie counting app then MFP ? Other just fun apps to have?
Please help me be on my best Bullshoot.
I'm finally going to as asian food store/market! What are your favourite low cal things to get there?
/u/taikutsuu [5'9'' | cw: 119, -33 | 17.2 bmi | gw: 105 | 18f]
Created: Tue Oct 9 07:58:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mpd7u/im_finally_going_to_as_asian_food_storemarket/
---
I'm going in like an hour and have no idea what I'll find there or whether I'll be able to tell its calories, so if you have any suggestions, comment away!! I need to get back on track 😈😈
[Rant/Rave] Oh fuck I might be pregnant
/u/InTheGecko [172cm (5'6) | 61.5kg (135lbs) | BMI: 20.6 | -12.5kg | F | 23yo]
Created: Tue Oct 9 07:56:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mpcp6/oh_fuck_i_might_be_pregnant/
---
I'm SO bloated. Like, more bloated than ever before in my life. It looks different to normal too, like rounder I guess? I've eaten 300 calories today and 400 the day before, this makes no sense. Before that I was binging mostly so I didn't notice but hey I've been having a lot of unprotected sex lately so there's definitely a chance.
If I am I'm going to kill him, it, and then myself.
You know what's total utter bullshit?
/u/xerox13ster [5'7" | 237.9 | Goal: 225 | BMI 35.6 | -85lbs | 25 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 07:20:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mp2vr/you_know_whats_total_utter_bullshit/
---
I went bra shopping yesterday, because the last time I bought a bra I was floating around 320lbs. It broke back in March before I went on my current spiral, and I've basically been wearing nothing but sports bras since.
I'm honestly so fucking triggered and frustrated right now. I've lost 85 fucking pounds since I bought my last bra. I thought for sure, FOR SURE, I was gonna have to buy a smaller bra. I tried on a few and tried not to get triggered in the store when I was still shopping in the 40s (which alone is frustrating as hell because NO OOOONEE makes 40+ C cup bras. So I kept my cool. I tried on some with smaller bands but larger cups, (38D instead of 40C--no dice; 40D instead of 42C--no dice). I ended up getting lucky and finding a few styles with a 42 and tried them on, and I thought they fit decently, so I bought them and I was happy and body positive last night (even though I was low-key frustrated that I only lost one band size).
Well FUCK THAT TODAY. IT doesn't fit. at all. it's so damn uncomfortable. I put it on this morning and looked in the mirror and I have these huge globs of fat hanging over the band, and it's curling up on me today. I keep having to readjust it and I swear to god I'm gonna lose it.
I lost 85lbs, I lost 85lbs for nothing, no difference. I'm gonna have to go back up a band size, (not like I'll ever fucking find a 44B). so why? why me?
I went shopping for pants a few weeks ago, too, because I've been falling out of my 20s, but not a single 16 or 18 I tried on would fit. They were all too tight and cut into me. Like excuse me what the fuck? What have I been losing this weight for? why is my body making sure I'm permanently a whale?
My friend and I track calories in a spreadsheet and I went ahead and logged 0s for the next couple of days because fuck this--no matter how hungry or dizzy I get, I'm not changing those numbers, if I die of a heart attack or pass out and crack my skull idgaf, this is bullshit. BULLSHIT.
/rant
Been watching Matt Stonie for the last hour.
/u/npozero
Created: Tue Oct 9 07:19:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mp2qt/been_watching_matt_stonie_for_the_last_hour/
---
He is a competitive eater on YouTube and I don’t know why watching his videos are so satisfying. I find them more satisfying then those 10,000 calories per day challenges.
Had anything purchased the EatGlitter book? Is it worth purchasing?
/u/TinyJarOfRocks [5’1 | CW 107 GW 95]
Created: Tue Oct 9 07:15:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mp1pv/had_anything_purchased_the_eatglitter_book_is_it/
---
Seems like she might actually have some healthy/low cal recipes
[Discussion] Adderall... let’s talk about it.
/u/standingbymountains
Created: Tue Oct 9 07:12:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mp0t1/adderall_lets_talk_about_it/
---
I’m seeing a psych this week for ADHD testing. Do I believe I have it? Yes. Am I aware of the fact that Adderall suppresses your appetite? Obviously.
So I want to hear your experiences... did you get it legally/illegally, what was the process of getting a script for it like, side effects, how much weight did you lose, how much did it change your day-to-day, advice?
[Help] Anyone willing to be anonymously interviewed?
/u/tentaclebarn
Created: Tue Oct 9 07:06:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mozbd/anyone_willing_to_be_anonymously_interviewed/
---
Hi guys,
I was pretty active here till recently and it’s really fascinating how people are so open and feel able to talk about their struggles. I’m a senior design student, and I’m doing my senior thesis on how the digital world and physical world are kind of merging, and how that affects our concept of beauty/way we visually present ourselves. I feel like this is something you guys would understand intuitively better than almost anyone, and I’d be so honored to talk to a couple of you about your experiences online vs real life, and why this is a safe space for you.
Thanks!
[Rant/Rave] UGHH
/u/minicemilo [167cm| CW:51kg| BMI:18.3 | GW:47kg| Gender:F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 07:05:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9moz1n/ughh/
---
I feel stupid, ugly and fat. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I wish i didnt have to worry about my body image so much.
[Rant/Rave] I'm eating like a normal person!!
/u/SpaceWhale88 [5'3 | CW 20lbs overweight | HW 197 | LW 122 | 30F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 07:02:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9moy8m/im_eating_like_a_normal_person/
---
I'm currently in Paris with my best friend. We just got here and she is napping. So far I ate my meals on the airplane and some snacks. I put hot chocolate in my coffee bc there's no cream. I dont feel guilty about it! When I'm with her I think about how she would want me to eat and not starve myself. She would want me to accept myself at any weight. I'm bulimic and struggle with restriction as well (that's how I got from obese to just overweight-- and I got overweight from binging when really depressed). I've been thinner before but this week I'm going to eat 3 meals, not beat myself up about it, and since binging and purging is something that I normally do alone I dont think I'll be triggered this week to do it. I dont thinkk I'd be enjoying myself more right now if I was thinner. I'm wearing comfy active wear and feel like I look cute.
I know I might not feel this way all the time but I'm enjoying the freedom from ED thoughts for now.
I'm literally the ugliest fat cow I know
/u/MSplinterED
Created: Tue Oct 9 06:41:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mospt/im_literally_the_ugliest_fat_cow_i_know/
---
You can't change my mind.
Tried to quit restricting so I would quit binging.... wanted healthy relationship with food and now overeat bad food every day
/u/gkelleyr
Created: Tue Oct 9 06:25:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9moony/tried_to_quit_restricting_so_i_would_quit_binging/
---
https://i.redd.it/f65vkti0l5r11.jpg
[Sticky] Thinspo Tuesday October 09, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Oct 9 06:09:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mokwx/thinspo_tuesday_october_09_2018/
---
Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to post pictures of anything that inspires or you find to be something "motivating".
**Please note that we are not using this post to glorify or glamorize eating disorders. Anything that is not clearly from a professional photo shoot or is "bonespo" (extremely thin to the point of being skeletal) will be removed.** Selfies, bodychecks, or OOTD posts will also be removed as they belong in the Friday sticky thread.
*****
Thinspo threads are posted every Tuesday.
Have any questions or concerns? Looking for self-care and beauty tips? Comment below, or [PM the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED) and feel free to take your self-care/beauty needs to the "Stupid Questions Saturday" weekly thread!
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! October 09, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Oct 9 06:09:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mokt0/daily_food_diary_october_09_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for October 09, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Rant/Rave] My bowels and wallet are going to hate me
/u/queenofbo0ks [5'6 | 145-ish | 23 | -3.5 | Female]
Created: Tue Oct 9 06:03:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mojfi/my_bowels_and_wallet_are_going_to_hate_me/
---
I just tried monster white for the first time because I ate a high calorie breakfast and snack and don't want to lunch. This shit is fucking amazing! I have never drank an energy drink before in my life because I always hated the smell, but this tastes like a certain juice I used to drink when I was younger!!
​
I have ibs and caffeïne will ruin my bowels, but as long as I'm not feeling hungry, I'm okay with that.
​
​
[Rant/Rave] I WANT TO LOOK GOOD IN A BIKINI
/u/LynCross [152.5cm | BMI: 24.4 | CW: 125lbs | GW: 110 lbs| UGW: 100 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 05:39:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9modxe/i_want_to_look_good_in_a_bikini/
---
I'm on my fucking plateau only 7 kgs till my goal weight. Suddenly, I had this urge to buy a bikini even though I never wore one before. I looked at myself in the mirror and my thighs are unbelievably fucking huge that I don't know how that even fucking happened. Stupid fucking plateau and stupid fucking body. I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to cut all the fat off.
I WANT THAT THIGH GAP, WAIST LINE, V-LINE, AND WEAR A DAMNED BIKINI.
[Rant/Rave] Stupid pizza
/u/meineschatzi [166cm | CW: 75kg | BMI: 28 | GW: 52kg | 26F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 05:20:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9moa0q/stupid_pizza/
---
I’m in recovery at the moment attending a day program, but I’ve been restricting wherever possible the past couple of weeks and struggling to fight the ED.
I hadn’t eaten anything all day, and after seeing my psychologist, I thought I could handle some pizza and pasta tonight since it’s all I’d be eating.
Well I couldn’t. I went and purged, but didn’t feel like I got enough up, so I went to the gym as well. Now I feel super sick and there’s no way I burned enough calories to compensate.
I know what the scales will say tomorrow. And then I’ll have to have breakfast, morning tea and lunch at day program, plus seeing my dietitian in the afternoon where I’ll have to be honest about the last couple of weeks.
This fucking disorder is ruining all my relationships and just fucking up my life in general, so why aren’t I committing properly to recovery? I can’t fucking do this anymore. I just want to be skinny again.
[Help] Anyone need an ED bud?
/u/Tsuyu_irl
Created: Tue Oct 9 03:24:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mnnvh/anyone_need_an_ed_bud/
---
I noticed this is a stickied thread on r/thinspo but the thread is quite old. I'm wondering if anyone wants or needs someone to help essentially keep them from binging, feeling lost when they don't reach a goal, etc. I have no one who understands irl that wouldn't think I'm a freak.
confession
/u/beenyolk
Created: Tue Oct 9 02:37:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mnfpp/confession/
---
My friends think i’m a druggie but i don’t really like drugs. but sometimes it’s hard for me to control my calories. i keep it under 800 for a few days straight then i fuck up so i immediately do a line of coke or smoke a cig or weed or all of them or pop a vyvanse the next day bc i’ve noticed it helps my weight down and also makes me look skinnier and less bloated. i feel like this is more unhealthy than just having the ED and idrk what to do but at the same time i really don’t feel weird about it or care. i just had nobody i could tell this and i wanted to get it off my chest. the sad thing is, i hate doing drugs unless i’m drunk on the weekend. i literally hate taking vyvanse so much that i use the thought of having to take it as a way to keep my hunger from getting the best of me. internal monologues like “don’t eat or you’ll have to take vyvanse and feel like a meth head all day tomorrow”
[Help] Liking someone just because they called me a "tiny toothpick"
/u/daintywannabe
Created: Tue Oct 9 02:04:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mnafl/liking_someone_just_because_they_called_me_a_tiny/
---
Idk what to think. I like this guy, he's nice and quite sweet. I have a boyfriend, though, and never thought about him as anything but a friend.
Until now.
I helped him with his homework and he said "if you do it, I'll carry you everywhere this week" and I was like "you wouldn't be able to". So he said that he can carry his obese father and since I'm a "tiny toothpick", he could definitely pick me up.
And just that phrase... and him being so adamant about calling me thin and carrying me... it made me happy. And now I'm starting to like him as more than a friend (maybe cause my bf isn't very understanding of my disordered eating and just says I retain a lot of fat).
It's weird that I have started loving people who call me skinny. Does this happen to any of you too? Also... girl advice: should I try to get closer to him or stray farther?
[Discussion] DAE spend hours planning an upcoming binge?
/u/lostandlonley333 [5"2 | CW:108 | 19.9 | -30.6| F]
Created: Tue Oct 9 01:53:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mn8ir/dae_spend_hours_planning_an_upcoming_binge/
---
Currently on the woolworths website going through the snack section picking out all the foods I want for my next binge. I can spend hours on supermarket websites making lists of foods in my notes with the calories of each.
[Other] Post your weight curve!
/u/Ednosonline [175 cm/5'9" | 65 kg/143,3 lbs | BMI 21,2 | -2 kg | Female]
Created: Tue Oct 9 01:52:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mn8bg/post_your_weight_curve/
---
https://i.redd.it/r4bayfed84r11.jpg
[Help] I'm in need of an accountabilibuddy...
/u/Acatalepsia_
Created: Tue Oct 9 01:40:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mn6fm/im_in_need_of_an_accountabilibuddy/
---
Hi so I ate an obscene amount of unhealthy food today, including but not limited to: omelette, biscuit, donuts, pie, et cetera. I feel so awful. I also feel horrible because I try to be mostly vegan and today was very un-vegan and I watched a video about dairy cows to make myself feel guiltier. I want to be vegan now. I want to stop this cycle of restricting and binging. I want to be healthy and feel good about myself. (Still want to lose weight though.) I just want to stop feeling disgusting and guilty. I'm never the type of person to ask for help online or anything but I feel so bad about myself. So yeah, would anyone like to talk or be accountability partners? 🌱
Hi, I guess?
/u/crookedlypoetic
Created: Tue Oct 9 01:24:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mn3mj/hi_i_guess/
---
I have been lurking here for a bit and I just adore you all! The support I can see and feel just from lurking is so great. Thank you for being you, all of you!
[Discussion] AHHHH MY TEETH
/u/scartttaaa
Created: Tue Oct 9 01:23:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mn3dr/ahhhh_my_teeth/
---
So, I bit into a table (soft wood) as a joke and little pieces of my tooth came off. Is this my bullemia or a result of my being a dumbass. I bit into things all the time when I was younger, and have never chipped a tooth before. However I also haven't purged in a few weeks, and am relatively new to this. So... dumbass or early effects of bullemia??
[Help] How to Exercise on a Budget?
/u/BananaMiruku
Created: Tue Oct 9 00:45:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mmw69/how_to_exercise_on_a_budget/
---
I would love to be able to afford a gym membership, but I just can’t at the moment :/
What are some exercises I can do on a daily basis that you recommend for weight loss? Or what has worked for you?
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH
/u/pinkribbon007
Created: Tue Oct 9 00:11:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mmpls/enough_is_enough/
---
Time to get my ass into gear. I got complacent and let myself gain a few kilos because I was stressed with uni and it was my birthday and I convinced myself that it was 'okay'. It's not okay and I look like a fat slob. Safe and staple foods are gonna be apples, bananas, tuna, cauliflower rice, tea and Diet Coke from now on!
What do you guys eat that's safe, low in calories and easy to buy/make??? I'm going strict
questions about fasting?
/u/spookyblacksgirlfrnd
Created: Tue Oct 9 00:04:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mmo5c/questions_about_fasting/
---
whats the longest amount of time youve fasted? what was it like? howd you resist the urge to eat? did you get used to it?? whatd you do to help yourself??
im going to fast starting tomorrow but i dont know how long i should... any recommended days :)?
[Help] Resisting the urge to binge at work..
/u/Eddie_Gluskinn
Created: Mon Oct 8 23:49:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mml72/resisting_the_urge_to_binge_at_work/
---
Hi all, first time poster. I find i can restrict fairly easily however I work a fast paced manual labor job (I do receiving for Walmart so carrying heavy shit and moving around 24/7). I am usually starving before my first break and my daily monster normally makes it 10x worse.
What can I do to at least curb my desire for shitty, greasy deli food??
I read about Bronkaid, would that help? Any tips and tricks? I haven't stepped on the scale but I've been extra bloaty lately and I am slowly but surely undoing all of my hard work..
I am the dumbest bitch on earth!
/u/pinkdonutdemon
Created: Mon Oct 8 23:47:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mmkwm/i_am_the_dumbest_bitch_on_earth/
---
I just called my old therapist to make an appointment about non-ED related issues, and the receptionist had to ask a bunch of questions about why I was calling. and stupid dumbass me told her it was for my eating problems, because I thought explaining other things would be too complicated... That was a big dumb mistake and I only just realised when I hung up. now everyone’s gonna know what’s up, if I deny it while losing more weight it’ll be even more obvious. congrats @ me for idiocy once again :))))
[Discussion] Has anyone ever quit smoking/vaping without gaining weight?
/u/cobra_movement [5'6" | 157 | 25.3 | -7 | F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 23:29:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mmh85/has_anyone_ever_quit_smokingvaping_without/
---
I want to taper off nicotine all together once again but I am terrified of gaining weight. Last time I put on like 19 pounds (for those of you that haven't read my previous posts). Has anyone ever quit without gaining anything significant or didn't gain anything at all? Are there any tricks to this?
[Help] OTC appetite suppressant pills?
/u/jaclynct
Created: Mon Oct 8 23:21:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mmflv/otc_appetite_suppressant_pills/
---
Does anyone have any suggestions for pills that I can get that work at preventing hunger? Maybe what i’m thinking of doesn’t quite exist but damn I hope so...
So sexy
/u/celeryfordinner [5’5” | 112| 18.7| -15lbs | f]
Created: Mon Oct 8 22:45:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mm88w/so_sexy/
---
https://i.redd.it/6ipfan6101r11.jpg
[Help] Feeling okay/good, but doctor requires me to get admited to stay in the hospital tomorrow
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Mon Oct 8 21:56:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mlx9h/feeling_okaygood_but_doctor_requires_me_to_get/
---
not sure what to do... i dont wanna gain weight..
[Help] Ok so I think I made a big mistake taking lax tea. Please help me not freak out
/u/SkinnyFatActually [5’2”| 102 lb|-8| F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 21:50:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mlvyo/ok_so_i_think_i_made_a_big_mistake_taking_lax_tea/
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Sorry in advance for typos and this being generally all over the place.
Ok, so I’ve taken Smooth Move lax tea before and it didn’t seem like a big deal. It was a while ago, and part of that stupid lemon/syrup/Cayanne pepper diet.
I felt a little backed up and just gross so i took some benefiber to try to help move things along. Then I saw the tea in my cupboard and thought oh this will help. Yeah I’m not the sharpest of tools... I’m not hoping the combination won’t kill me 🙃 So I drank it THEN I looked up to see how long it would take to work and everybody was freaking out about how strong it is and that sometimes it takes a long time to work (longer than the 8-12 hours it suggests or whatever the time is I forgot already) and made some people poop their pants.
I have a homeschool appt for my kiddo at 11 and then a dentist appointment for myself tomorrow at 1:45. I took the benefiber at about 4 and the tea at about 8 pm. From personal experience how fucked am I? I’m hoping since I’m not actually constipated that it won’t take too long to kick in (although I’m sure it will be quite painful). I ate about 1100 cals today if that makes any difference. Ahhhh i hate myself.
[Rant/Rave] Relapse :/
/u/Glacier_Motion
Created: Mon Oct 8 21:38:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mlt6n/relapse/
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Throughout middle school and high school I was restricting my meals, purging, checking the scale everyday and just completely obsessing over my weigh; towards the end of hs I started to recover and was pretty okay for a long time.
I'm now a junior in college and I just cant stop being aware of how my body keeps changing. I'm worried about my silhouette and I'm always hyper aware of how my pants keep getting tighter, how I have to loosen my belt a notch. I hate looking at pictures of myself because I feel like a monolith honestly. I check the mirror everyday to make sure my double chin isn't getting worse.
Tonight my grandparents came and visited me and took me out to eat. I guess it was the final straw because when they sent me the pictures we took together I just went to the most secluded bathroom I could find in my dorm and purged. Mentally and physically I just feel worn down right now. My brain wont shut up about how I need to do it every night and start skipping meals again.
Sorry for this long ass post I just feel awful and I have no one to vent too.
[Discussion] Insomnia
/u/uiume
Created: Mon Oct 8 21:35:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mlse9/insomnia/
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It took me seven hours to fall asleep last night. I figured tonight I'd take a benadryl and melatonin, but that didn't work. I just feel kind of like I'm tipsy. So I ate the meal I was going to earlier but never did in hopes that eating would knock me out but..here I am. My legs ache and I can't get comfortable especially now that I'm full. My brain won't stop thinking about pizza and cake and I'm so tired of this. I just want to sleep.
Anyone else struggle with this? And if you do, have you found any good solutions?
[Rant/Rave] Cutest reason to fast ever!
/u/CastleInTheAttic
Created: Mon Oct 8 21:23:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mlpfs/cutest_reason_to_fast_ever/
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I found a kitten on the side of the road the other day and have been taking care of her. She was starving when I found her and goes absolutely crazy for food. (I am feeding her the amount recommended by the vet)
So whenever I set foot in the kitchen she appears and starts crying for food. When I’m eating she will climb up me like a tree to get to my food. This has made me evaluate everything I eat to see if it’s “worth” fighting her. I’ve eaten almost nothing this weekend.
[Rant/Rave] PSA: dont comment on what i eat
/u/itsyaboifranzi [5'0" | whale | -20 | F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 21:11:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mlmf1/psa_dont_comment_on_what_i_eat/
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dont fucking do it. does it affect you? no, it does not. yes i am eating for once, i feel like shit already dont fucking bring it up. do you really care about what i am eating? you don't. dont remind me of what bad chemicals are in what i'm eating, i already know and guess what? i dont care about it. i'm not doing this to be healthy, im doing this to be thin.
[Rant/Rave] RIP
/u/HotMessCentral [5'2.5" | 97 | 17.5 | -4.5 | F(Recovery)]
Created: Mon Oct 8 21:09:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mllsu/rip/
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So I wanted to stay up to study for a test so I thought it was a good idea to mix over tablespoon of espresso powder with a chug of water and down it and I feel sick and have this awful taste in my mouth. For reference, I think 1 teaspoon is an espresso, which is like 2-3 times more potent than coffee. DDD: I'm so going to regret this.
[Discussion] A bad start doesn’t have to mean a bad week
/u/halfcigarette [5'4"| CW: 👻 | BMI:20ish | 23F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 21:07:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mll9q/a_bad_start_doesnt_have_to_mean_a_bad_week/
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We can do this
My dad is coming to stay
/u/iron_blanket
Created: Mon Oct 8 21:04:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mlkos/my_dad_is_coming_to_stay/
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I don't know if this is the right place to post this, but everyone here is so supportive and I really need to vent.
My dad is coming to stay with me and I don't know how to cope. He has stage four cancer and I get on with him quite well, but I'm working through some stuff from when I was younger which is making it really difficult for me. I think I'm only coming to terms with it now, but there were times when he sexually assaulted me. Things like grab my ass and squeeze my breasts, stare at my body, pretend that we were dating to his friends. He used to encourage me to sleep in his bed with him . It was just a lot of weird and gross stuff.
I want to be able to have a nice time with him while he is here because I imagine he will die soon, but it all makes me feel so sick and disgusting. I feel so conflicted I don't know what to do.
So naturally I'm heavy restricting, which I used to do when I lived with him. Which is also making me hate myself. I wish I could just disappear and not have to deal with my shitty life
In a bit of a rut
/u/TouchedDistortion
Created: Mon Oct 8 20:48:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mlgjf/in_a_bit_of_a_rut/
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Ate 1400 - 2000+ calories a day for the past like two weeks and it's finally started to show on the scale. Went from 112 to 118 over the past two weeks. I had been weighing in between 110 and 112 for the 2 weeks before this and am really upset. Ate 900 calories today but it was still too many caloriesut and I wanted to eat more tbh. Idk what to do with myself I'm mad at myself for doing this and it feels like I can't fix it fast enough.
[Discussion] Another peach post because I can’t find the others?
/u/cookiecutterhands
Created: Mon Oct 8 20:39:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mle90/another_peach_post_because_i_cant_find_the_others/
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I forgot my password on my old peach account so I had to make a new one earlier. Comment usernames?
[Discussion] Favorite body-shaping exercises?
/u/linedryonly [5'5| C127 | G110 | L102 | -10]
Created: Mon Oct 8 20:37:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mldp3/favorite_bodyshaping_exercises/
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What are everyone's favorite body shaping/toning exercises?
I'm trying to ward off cellulite while whittling my waist and toning my legs. I don't have access to a gym right now so I'm mostly limited to body weight exercise. I'd love to hear what everyone else is doing. Have a favorite? Fire away!
[Help] My husband made dinner; pumpkin parmesan ravioli AND eggplant parmesan. I managed all the pasta and half the eggplant. Am I going to die?
/u/robotsintrees [5'6 | 86lbs| 14 | Male]
Created: Mon Oct 8 20:31:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mlc4u/my_husband_made_dinner_pumpkin_parmesan_ravioli/
---
https://i.redd.it/lt3d1q31n2r11.jpg
little eating disorder signs
/u/peacecorpsquestion3 [5’6 | 118]
Created: Mon Oct 8 20:25:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mlan3/little_eating_disorder_signs/
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lol you guys there’s this girl I just met, she’s like BMI 18ish so not dangerously underweight but I’m like 99% sure she has an eating disorder just based on the fact that she follows Steqhs, Eatglitter, Kimiperi and Markina. do you guys notice little things in others that just make you wonder?
I ate at maintenance
/u/merewautt [5'3" | 93 | BMI17 | F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 20:23:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mladj/i_ate_at_maintenance/
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Had one of the worst days I've had in a long time, just absolutely exhausting emotionally and I made the decision to eat at fucking maintenance if it kills me. Usually I'd fast and eat absolutely nothing because I'm so upset or binge and then get sick, but I ate at maintenance and now I'm going to bed.
​
And as shitty as today was I feel like at least on one front I made real progress. Feels nice not to immediately spiral into self destruct mode.
[Rant/Rave] need reassurance/rant
/u/monsterputt
Created: Mon Oct 8 20:22:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ml9w3/need_reassurancerant/
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my doc has known me at my lowest weight (bmi 14) and now at my highest weight (bmi 21ish)
im so scared that she thinks im all better/ i didnt get this way healthily i got it through a vicious year long binge cycle. im going to be weighed tomorrow (i just had a 4 day binge streak, including today) and my weight is defo bmi 21.0 on the dot.
my moms going to be there
my doctor
possibly my dad (who makes fat jokes and anorexic jokes at the same time)
i just cant handle being weighed and its mandatory
i want to cry
i hate myself
why do i binge anymore im just sad because of my BED but dont do anything about it
its okay ill start super low restricting
next doctors visit i'll be 8lbs less
its ok its ok its ok its ok
\[will defo delete later\]
​
Liquid diet?
/u/timeandtimeagain-
Created: Mon Oct 8 20:21:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ml9pz/liquid_diet/
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So I’ve been considering trying a liquid diet for a while. I do want to try and at least somewhat take care of myself (since I never do with solid food) and get some proper nutrients in.
Has anyone done one? Or have any advice? I’m gonna do it no matter what simply because I need something to try and stop the binging
[Discussion] trying to be normal
/u/problemproblem420 [5'6'' | 115 | 18.6 | 20F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 19:54:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ml2js/trying_to_be_normal/
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today i started full-on hallucinating in class and had a meltdown in the bathroom. i think it is due to stress and hppd considering I had only been fasting since saturday. however, it has forced me to come to terms with where i am at mentally. my roommate is an angel and also has an ED, and they are going to keep me on track (at a level i am comfortable with). it's sad that i let myself get to this point, but i feel so insanely grateful to have someone who will look out for me. to all of you struggling -- please please please take your mental health seriously. losing your mind is not fun. take a day (or two) to assess where you're at and maybe reach out to a loved one/friend you can trust. take care of yourself <3
Does anybody want to start like a kik group for accountability?
/u/kenziixoxo [5'5" | CW: 130 | GW: 110 💕]
Created: Mon Oct 8 19:52:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ml25u/does_anybody_want_to_start_like_a_kik_group_for/
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[removed]
[Help] My friend has recently been copying everything I eat because I’m so “healthy”
/u/ihate-chicken [5’7” | CW:116 | 18.1 |]
Created: Mon Oct 8 19:40:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mkyom/my_friend_has_recently_been_copying_everything_i/
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We live together and do a lot of things together... she buys the same food as me, orders same meals, eats the same stuff in the dining hall.
It’s super triggering because I’m very competitive about my ED and need to be the one eating the least and I don’t like that she thinks this is a healthy diet. It also makes me think I’m eating enough for others to think it’s healthy. Ugh
[Rant/Rave] When it gets further into autumn and the sun starts setting earlier, which means ur night binges start earlier :(
/u/ketokitty13
Created: Mon Oct 8 19:32:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mkwqe/when_it_gets_further_into_autumn_and_the_sun/
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:( :( :(
12 day vacation, gained 8lbs and am literally going to fast forever
/u/leftshoelauren [5'3"F | SW 185 | CW 152 | GW 110 | 🍑 tinyren]
Created: Mon Oct 8 19:30:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mkw25/12_day_vacation_gained_8lbs_and_am_literally/
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I lost so much weight before this vacation. It was to NYC and I was going to be with all of my friends- I went into it feeling pretty good.
One of them saw me for the first time irl in a few months and said she didn’t even recognize me.
Then I are like a fucking pig every single day until I left. I would take myself out to brunch and then go to a bakery 1 hour later and eat whatever I pleased.
I’m back now, gained 8lbs and am LITERALLY wanting to die lmao. My whole fucking “real life” is falling apart. I’m fatter, I ignored a week of school work, I called out of my internship today. I’m really paying for these 12 days of bliss now and I hate it SO much.
Any kind words or hopeful bits of wisdom are much appreciated. I hate what I look like right now and I feel the fat all over my body.
[Help] how do you keep your head clear?
/u/sigilsignals
Created: Mon Oct 8 19:29:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mkvv4/how_do_you_keep_your_head_clear/
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i’ve been trying for forever to get back into a good swing of being more careful with food, but every time i start to get a real empty feeling going i just end up feeling dizzy and forgetful :( especially at work, i need to be on top of my game but i just end up binging before work/on my lunch break and ruining all my progress. anyone else have this problem?? does anyone have tips for keeping your head clear without constantly eating giant meals?
well
/u/winterfoxes_
Created: Mon Oct 8 19:15:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mks71/well/
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i’m heartbroken. lies in bed all day and just starved listened to music.
managed to get up and now i’m on my second gin and tonic. let the self destructive games begin!
Anyone else dread the holidays?
/u/cattivity
Created: Mon Oct 8 19:03:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mkoy9/anyone_else_dread_the_holidays/
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My plan is to fast during the days prior to family events but holy shit am I terrified....
All the food im going to be expected to eat. Yikeee
[Help] How to hide behaviors??
/u/medievalrockstar
Created: Mon Oct 8 19:01:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mkoek/how_to_hide_behaviors/
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I’ve been living with my fella for a few years and I’m really sick of the weight I’ve gained. Plus there’s the whole stress, control, whatever that goes with ED. Point is, I want to jump back on this bandwagon. I feel better on days I workout more and eat less. But my bf keeps messing things up. He’ll buy trigger foods (ugh!) or get on me for measuring things. Thankfully we only eat dinner together but he notices if I am at the gym and gets all weird if he thinks I was there for too long.
So how can I still have my ED but hide it from him? Or what excuse can I give him for like, fasting, or exercising more, or restricting?
[Rant/Rave] About to not do a 5 mile run or burn 800 cals...
/u/coffeebean27
Created: Mon Oct 8 18:59:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mkny1/about_to_not_do_a_5_mile_run_or_burn_800_cals/
---
I feel like shit. I feel like I’ll wake up fat as fuck.
My bf wants to eat pizza and stay inside. I really enjoy doing that but also it’s Monday. Feels like I’m staring the week bad and fat. I run 5 miles and have been consistently burning 800-1000 cals every weekday for the last month. It feels like this is gonna ruin that and that I’m gonna lose progress. Fuck me... I’m staying over and he has roommates, so doing a late night run is not possible. I’m gonna try to avoid eating the pizza but i probably will give in :( fuck...
[Rant/Rave] New Pants: the binge trigger that keeps giving!
/u/LowStory
Created: Mon Oct 8 18:56:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mkn2v/new_pants_the_binge_trigger_that_keeps_giving/
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My old jean pants were way too big (which, for some reason, caused immense dysmorphia because *nothing has changed in the mirror what is wrong with my brain and my mind/why are my pants lying to me*). After a couple months of suffering with leggings, I decided to go buy a size down, and of course I binged after pants shopping because I'm an emotional fuckwad. But then today*,* two days later when I finally feel comfortable *wearing the damn things*, I forgot to take off the size sticker and some sweet lady in the grocery store let me know. I am mortified :) brb throwing my jeans into the depths of hell where I will join them at a later date
[Rant/Rave] Reality Check: You are not in control here
/u/whydiepizzapie
Created: Mon Oct 8 18:38:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mkiii/reality_check_you_are_not_in_control_here/
---
It just hit me the other day again. I want to slow my weight loss so my parents don't pull me out of my last year of University. I set "pause" points for myself where I tell myself I can maintain at until I graduate in June.
This is dillusional. I am not in control. Every pause point so far has been passed by. I do not get to dictate my disorder. I can not turn it on and off at will. None of us can.
I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'm going to either have to accept the consequences or really commit to getting better. The cost of these disorders is immeasurable, if you can still get out, do. I've lost my college years to this and it fucking sucks.
When does binge weight gain show?
/u/narkreturn
Created: Mon Oct 8 18:36:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mkhpr/when_does_binge_weight_gain_show/
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I binged and ate a total of 3000-4000 calories last night and today I weighed myself and only weighed 0.2 kg more. Is the weight just gonna show slowly throughout the week or would it have shown by now and I’m safe ???
My extremely shameful story of failing to be the perfect Bridesmaid.
/u/Chimom121
Created: Mon Oct 8 18:31:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mkger/my_extremely_shameful_story_of_failing_to_be_the/
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It’s hard for me to even type this out. On mobile so sorry for typos.
My sister is getting married next week. She asked me to be a bridesmaid and I happily accepted. All of the other bridesmaids are size 4 or smaller, tall and lean. I told myself, I have enough time. I can do this. I’ll get a dress their size and by the time the wedding comes around I’ll fit into it perfectly. I had months.
Restricting, binging, purging. That cycle has my body and my self worth so defeated. I’ve lost 13lbs but I’m not there. I’m not a size 4. Dieting pills, laxatives, hours at the gym. I’m not a size 4.
Here I am a week before the wedding and I’m meeting with a tailor tomorrow to see if this dress, the dress I was suppose to fit into, can be let out. I am so humiliated. All of this hell I’ve put myself through and it hasn’t been enough.
Sorry for the rant. I’m just so down.
if i get told college will make me fat one (1) more time..
/u/poppybasket [5’10 | cw130 gw 115 | 17F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 18:29:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mkg03/if_i_get_told_college_will_make_me_fat_one_1_more/
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“yOu Won’T stAy So ThiN OnCe You’rE ofF at CollEge eating all that jUnK fOOd!”
pls die i haven’t eaten anything that i haven’t provided for myself but the fruits and veggies u rarely buy in months, and when i have eaten junk it’s my omad. i’ve been feeding (or, well, not feeding) myself since i’ve been able to escape your greasy “meals” by buying my own lowcal shit
please remove yourself from my dick
does anybody else get this a lot and get warnings about “the freshman 15” and shit? it triggers me so fucking bad i wish people (especially my morbidly obese family members) wouldn’t say anything about weight to me ever
every time they say this all i can think is “yeah i’ll show you a freshman 15 but it’ll be -15”
[Rant/Rave] Who else thinks pretty much everyone else around them is pretty but themselves?
/u/speedayyyy [5’7 | CW 162 | BMI 25.28 | GW 120 | 21F| ]
Created: Mon Oct 8 18:23:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mkei0/who_else_thinks_pretty_much_everyone_else_around/
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I don’t think I’m pretty or attractive at all. I have a round fat face, I carry a lot of weight in my thighs and belly, weird looking face, have psoriasis on my arms and legs, and self harm scars all over my legs. Sometimes I cry because of how much I hate myself. I hate compliments because it just feels like pity or lies. I’ve never been super thin so maybe once I get there I will be pretty. Maybe being fat just doesn’t suit me. Or I’ll just be ugly then too. I don’t know anymore. I’m tired of everything.
[Rant/Rave] Scared about moving to city with thinner people
/u/gigi-has-issues [5'9"| CW 155| GW 115| F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 18:07:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mka4n/scared_about_moving_to_city_with_thinner_people/
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I might be moving to Boston or Chicago from the South next year. People down here are generally pretty fat and with a high normal BMI I'm basically 'thin'. I'm from up north but haven't returned in so long so I'm not sure what is typical for women my age, but I know I'm going to be on the chubby end at best. It's going to be worse because it'll be in a rich area. This is honestly really getting to me and I'm thinking I HAVE to make goal by then. It's absolutely daunting. Just needed to vent. Going for a run tonight, haha.
[Discussion] Sweet beverages-anyone else?
/u/coconutoilmiracle
Created: Mon Oct 8 18:00:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mk89x/sweet_beveragesanyone_else/
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Despite their demonization... Anyone else feel like soda and other sweet beverages help suppress appetite? They make it so I don’t have to eat a full meal, often can even skip the meal
[Help] discord link?
/u/band-aide [5'5.5 | CW: 125 | BMI: 20 | F/19]
Created: Mon Oct 8 17:51:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mk63j/discord_link/
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i used to be in the proed discord like on two separate occasions, where is the link so i can re-join? thanks, ily all
A nice moment at work
/u/chaoskilledme
Created: Mon Oct 8 17:46:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mk4rt/a_nice_moment_at_work/
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I'm kind of a goofball at work. I love to joke around and make everyone laugh.
I made some kind of joke about not wanting to eat a bowl of food (I work at chipotle) because it's like 1800 calories and how I never have time to eat anymore.
He forced me to go to break and I ended up getting a bowl anyways and he was like "There's no way you're going to finish all of that. It weighs just as much as you do!"
I dunno but it made me feel kinda nice that he thinks I'm small. 😊
[Rant/Rave] Guess who was given the role of "pregnant person" :)))
/u/markexclamationmark
Created: Mon Oct 8 17:29:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mk086/guess_who_was_given_the_role_of_pregnant_person/
---
MyJapanese class has an assignment where we have to present a skit (in Japanese) demonstrating social issues in Japan. My group is doing sexual harassment and maternity harassment (google it, it makes me so mad). I was away when they assigned the roles, and they made me the pregnant person who gets to be called fat by her boss :D coincidence? Could be. By my inner voice can't help pointing out that the other two girls in my group are slender and ＳＴＵＮＮＩＮＧ, whereas I have got at least 4 BMI points on both of them.
Another point that just made me annoyed , is when we were discussing the script outline (before assigning roles), we were deciding which character gets sexually harassed, and the other members go "well it should be one of the non-pregnant women because a pregnant woman isn't going to be sexually harassed" (!!)
Implying that pregnant women don't/can't get harassed? Or Implying that women deemed unattractive and/or big can't be harassed?
What a ignorant, immature bubble some people live in 😒
[Rant/Rave] Guess who was given the role of "pregnant person" :)))
/u/markexclamationmark
Created: Mon Oct 8 17:29:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mk084/guess_who_was_given_the_role_of_pregnant_person/
---
MyJapanese class has an assignment where we have to present a skit (in Japanese) demonstrating social issues in Japan. My group is doing sexual harassment and maternity harassment (google it, it makes me so mad). I was away when they assigned the roles, and they made me the pregnant person who gets to be called fat by her boss :D coincidence? Could be. By my inner voice can't help pointing out that the other two girls in my group are slender and ＳＴＵＮＮＩＮＧ, whereas I have got at least 4 BMI points on both of them.
Another point that just made me annoyed , is when we were discussing the script outline (before assigning roles), we were deciding which character gets sexually harassed, and the other members go "well it should be one of the non-pregnant women because a pregnant woman isn't going to be sexually harassed" (!!)
Implying that pregnant women don't/can't get harassed? Or Implying that women deemed unattractive and/or big can't be harassed?
What a ignorant, immature bubble some people live in 😒
going on a trip.
/u/streamofdopamine
Created: Mon Oct 8 17:23:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mjyp9/going_on_a_trip/
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I'm SO anxious about going on a girls trip that I used to be so excited about. What if they notice my eating habits? How do I act normal without panicking after every meal?
You know how having an ED makes you super cold all the time
/u/graeciamagna
Created: Mon Oct 8 17:20:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mjxyv/you_know_how_having_an_ed_makes_you_super_cold/
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I work in a warehouse right by the doors and it's super cold here atm, this was at like 7am and it was COLD AF. I got yelled at today by a customer and one of my supervisors for having the heater on. Even if I didnt have an ED I'd still be badly anaemic. Sorry for being cold?
I'm only 22 and they pulled the WHEN I WAS YOUNG WE NEVER HAD HEAT! IT'S NOT EVEN COLD! So I was like HEY BRUH, FEEL MY FUCKING HAND. COLD RIGHT. YEAH, I LITERALLY CAN'T FEEL MY HANDS SO I'M GONNA WALK AWAY AND YOU CAN SERVE THE RUDE CUSTOMER AND CONTINUE TO BITCH ABOUT ME ON YOUR STUPID OLD PEOPLE HIGH HORSES and I literally walked away from this dumb customer and my supervisor after he asked me to serve. Lmao.
Why do the little things that everyone else gets over in five seconds bother me the most
[Rant/Rave] Good day turned into a binge :(
/u/fiyacht524 [5'6" |CW 50.5kg |BMI 17.89 | GW:48kg| Female]
Created: Mon Oct 8 16:41:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mjmz9/good_day_turned_into_a_binge/
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Sorry for the wall of text, but I really need to vent.
It's been 1 month since I moved away from home to do my study abroad period. This is the first time I've ever lived without my parents. I'm studying in France, so you can imagine there's been a lot of pastries consumed in the last month. I've also been drinking way more and eating out twice a week.
Anyway, I decided today was the day I would buy a scales, (forgot to bring mine with me), even though I was dreading what it would tell me. I planned on restricting for the whole day and most of this week.
But guys.... I actually did it somehow. In the last month I've actually made it to my goal weight of 50kg! I was sort of happy with myself, although I still hate my body in the mirror.
Anyhow, my decision to "celebrate" with a spoonful of vanilla yoghurt led to me finishing the entire 500g tub and binging on rice cakes and peanut butter for the rest of the day. Woopy freaking doo, I'm a mess.
so tired of bingeing on junk... doing a 3 day fruit mono starting tmrw
/u/peacecorpsquestion3 [5’6 | 118]
Created: Mon Oct 8 16:40:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mjmlm/so_tired_of_bingeing_on_junk_doing_a_3_day_fruit/
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any of y'all done this? wish me luck hahah
[Help] honestly terrified of becoming bulimic
/u/itsyaboifranzi [5'0" | whale | -20 | F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 16:38:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mjm56/honestly_terrified_of_becoming_bulimic/
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god, ive been eating around my tdee and its making me feel like ass and i want to throw it all up until i just cant anymore. couple that with the huge waves of that disgusting fat feeling you feel deep in your bones and the pit of your stomach and thats how i've been this month so far. the only thing holding me back is how scared i am of becoming bulimic because i know that i definitely wont be able to stop purging once i start. fucks sake im so pathetic lmao
The Chemistry of Fat Loss - Ted Talk
/u/MissNietzsche
Created: Mon Oct 8 16:33:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mjkr2/the_chemistry_of_fat_loss_ted_talk/
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https://www.youtube.com/attribution_link?a=OwJncAL4Qbg&u=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DvuIlsN32WaE%26feature%3Dshare
[Discussion] How to compliment others..(without referring to their body)
/u/_Spicy_Lemon_ [5'6 | CW 131.5 | GW 120 | UGW 100| F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 16:28:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mjj6e/how_to_compliment_otherswithout_referring_to/
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So often I think the go to for compliments is to comment on someone's weight loss or their body (for any gender) ; which can be problematic to those even without ED's. I know this might be the stupidest post on this sub, but I'm curious on how others on here compliment someone else without bringing up their body.
Dear men in the thinspo sub treating it like softcore porn...
/u/sweetmarten [176 | 60 | 18.98 | F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 16:26:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mjijk/dear_men_in_the_thinspo_sub_treating_it_like/
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...and then commenting suggesting that girls who are "too skinny" start lifting weight/gain 5lbs/might have an eating disorder/are too thin to give them a boner/any comment containing the phrases: "mmmm", "sexy", "perfection"
Do you know who this sub is for????? Are you lost??? You have approx 9.7 billion other subreddits designed for you to jerk off to, just GET OFF OUR LAWN and let us have this ONE THING, the purpose of the sub is *in the title*
why do straight guys have to "But my boner!" *everything*?
[Help] I don’t want the cake.
/u/conuretrash [5'3.5''| 20 F | CW 148 | GW 115| -42 |]
Created: Mon Oct 8 16:23:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mjhs2/i_dont_want_the_cake/
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I am back home, leaving Wednesday, and I meant to start fasting today. Of course I failed miserably. Now my sister wants us to eat cake and I really don’t want to. But I have no willpower and I already binged today. I am so weak. I gained so much weight this weekend from insane binging. I can’t stop eating. If she brings me cake I’ll consume the whole thing. I don’t want to eat. I don’t know how to stop.
[Discussion] Some times I think I don’t have an eating disorder. Just maybe I don’t.
/u/melpowe
Created: Mon Oct 8 16:23:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mjhm6/some_times_i_think_i_dont_have_an_eating_disorder/
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[Rant/Rave] Relapse.
/u/trying97 [CW 130-128- 126 | GW 110]
Created: Mon Oct 8 16:13:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mjeq5/relapse/
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Guys, I relapsed. I’m four days into restricting again. I’ve had 170 calories today and it’s 6:15. For so long, I wasn’t thinking about food in this way. And something just... switched? I have no idea how this happens randomly. When I’m in this head space, I can’t understand why I was okay eating everything before. And it’s only been a couple days!!! I don’t get it. I guess I have EDNOS or something? Who knows. Maybe I don’t have an eating disorder at all. Is it a thing for EDs to go dormant and then resurface randomly?
[Rant/Rave] Why do people care so much about my eating habits?
/u/cattivity
Created: Mon Oct 8 16:04:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mjc37/why_do_people_care_so_much_about_my_eating_habits/
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I came home from school today and was really looking forward to eating a bagel today and of course my boyfriend's mom and grandma are cooking in the kitchen so I'm like oh boy, time to get scrutinized for the way I prepare my food. (:
So I bring out my food scale to weigh out my cream cheese for the bagel because idgaf if it seems weird I'm still going to eat the way that makes me feel good.
His mom is all "oh wow you're doing so good! Wow look at you with that scale, it's almost sickening! Hahahahaaaaaa"
And his grandma is like "oh my god I know isn't she adorable?" And his mom chimes in with "wow, yeah, it's impressive!" And his grandma repeats back in a weird, semi sarcastic tone "Yeah Cattivity, you're sooo impressive!"
And idk the interaction was just so fucking weird and uncomfortable. Like It was obvious they thought what I was doing was weird and over the top and had to comment on it but wanted to phrase it all as a compliment.
The whole time I just wanna say "can you just fuck off and let me eat? Jesus christ."
Rant over.
[Help] How to stop once you start binging
/u/idk194
Created: Mon Oct 8 15:50:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mj74n/how_to_stop_once_you_start_binging/
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I do super well while fasting and have been super successful restricting doing about a 600 calorie OMAD every day. However, sometimes once I have bread or dessert or fattening things I let myself go and let it get way out of hand. How do you allow yourself to stop after one piece of bread or bite of dessert? When I’m by myself I just don’t keep any of it around but when I’m with family they’ll harass me if I don’t have a few bites of those things. Sometimes it takes me days to get back into my restricting routine.
[Rant/Rave] I ate „normal“ today
/u/MieptheMiep [purging pro]
Created: Mon Oct 8 15:44:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mj5mb/i_ate_normal_today/
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So, I restrict or binge/purge since 2 years. There was not one day I ate „normal“. But today was that day. I am going to sleep, so there won’t be a binge. It’s so weird, my body is burning. I have urges to binge, because I „fucked up anyway“. But I did okay. I might restrict tomorrow more. BUT HOLY SHIT I FINALLY MADE IT ONE DAY.
Does anyone else get a spiritual feeling from fasting?
/u/sunflower6833
Created: Mon Oct 8 15:42:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mj5cd/does_anyone_else_get_a_spiritual_feeling_from/
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or is that just me?
I like how it feels, I actually enjoy it.
EC stacking at work
/u/Aprikoosi_flex [5'9" | cw 127 | gw 117 | ugw 110 | 26F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 15:39:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mj4cr/ec_stacking_at_work/
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Got back into my full EC stack mode and today at work we were hella busy. I was ringing and bagging groceries so fucking fast. Water, pills, and ciggys are my life rn and I feel amazing. I’ll probably have a terrible backache tonight but it’s worth it 😅😅
Back on the bullshit (new here, hello!)
/u/loggainmigok [5'5'' |23.9|CW: 145 | LW: 130 |HW: 160|GW: 110| -1 lbs| 26F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 15:39:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mj4b0/back_on_the_bullshit_new_here_hello/
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Hi everybody! Sorry, here is a rant! i'm just so relieved and terrified and i don't know. Happy to speak to others with EDproblems :)
​
Former self-diagnosed EDNOS here, I hope that's okay? never went looking for help, and "recovered" on my own, or ... well .... I've been in \~"recovery"\~ for about 7 years, but not really the "oh yay rainbows i love my body"-recovery, but more the "eating huge fat amounts of chocolate alone in my bedroom refusing to count calories"-recovery. The "LaLaLaLa-not-thinking-bout-it"-recovery. The gdamn kind of recovery where you STILL hate your fucking body, but you try not to think about it at all instead :)))):))):):)
​
I mean, i get mad anxiety thinking about showing my body to anyone lmao, and have had NO relationships since my late teens bc WHO THE FUCK wants to see this ugly ugly piece of crap hahaha
oh man, i'm more angry than i thought. I just HATE how fat i've gotten. fuck fuck fuck
​
Anyway, whoopsi-doo i tried to finally lose some weight and go on a healthy lifestyle 3 weeks ago, I can't stand hating my body anymore. Anyway, surprise surprise: it rapidly devolved to furiously reading calories on packaging and wandering around grocery stores for 2 hours mindlessly browsing. picking stuff up, putting it down. wandering back and forth and finally walking out with like, 2 fucking cucumbers and shiritaki noodles or some stupid shit and constant warring thoughts of
"So many Calories, I can chew it and spit it out" -
"NOO we are healthy now, remember? 1300 calories a day, at least! We'll still lose weight, the healthy wa-"
"why? piggy needs her chocolate that much? oh my god blabla dfhjfbhdgbljsd STOP EATING"
​
finally today I panicked when my day total was 1250, and tomorrow i'm planning a fast and fuckitall.
oh man oh man, i recognize this, it's so familiar. hell and heaven at the same time.
​
Honestly, i know i'll never be beautiful. never get a girlfriend, don't think i have the courage to show my body hahahaah. but, I CAN BE FUCKING THIN. I CAN BE THIN.
​
I can lose it again. and i'm noooot fucking stopping. Because honestly, these last few years have been hell, weight and self-confidence-wise. Fuck, piece of shit gremlin
​
Also, reading this back I'm not sure I ever truly recovered haha. I mean, apparently many people feel good about their bodies and i don't, and never did during any time my recovery. Also I would still binge and then feel terrible lol. It's just that I haven't really been gaining/losing any amount of weight ... i don't know? what's the criteria for an ED? The disordered thinking has certainly been popping in quite often at least :|
​
So, yeah ... Hello everybody! And thank you so much for reading. I'll be posting here regularly. Last time I was very alone, would gladly make some friends this time :)
[Rant/Rave] i feel guilty and uncomfortable when people look at me now, and i wasn’t expecting it
/u/duskedfur [5'7" | CW: 101 | 15.7 | UGW: 95 | F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 15:32:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mj2a9/i_feel_guilty_and_uncomfortable_when_people_look/
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before i got to my CW (which happens to be my LW) i thought i would adore the attention i would get. i’m currently about 98 lbs and people have started to stare and instead of relishing it, i feel awful. i know i look sick and everyone is probably coming up with their own conclusions as to why i look that way. i can see people looking at my wrists, hands, and legs and i don’t know what they’re thinking. i read posts on this sub where underweight passerby are seen as ‘thinspo’ and the thought of someone looking at me on the street and using my body as fuel to starve themselves makes me want to blow my fucking brains out. ive posted on the thinspo sub before for a little bit of validation when my dysmorphia got too bad but i think i regret it a lot now. i’m absolutely revolted by myself and i know the people who see me day to day probably feel the same way. if i knew it was going to be like this i would have attempted recovery while i could but it’s too late now, i have no desire whatsoever to get better and i’ve accepted that i’m either going to binge all the weight back one day or die. recovery will not be my own choice.
Ballet or yoga?
/u/SkinnyisSexy [5'7 |125lb|19.6|-23lb|F GW115]
Created: Mon Oct 8 15:32:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mj288/ballet_or_yoga/
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I'm wanting to sign up for one of these. I danced throughout high school and loved it, but I've never done yoga. I love the idea of calming my mind and a light workout (my low calorie ass doesn't need to go fainting at zumba lol) I know ballet can be very strenuous while restricting. What do you guys think?
[Help] Should I tell my bf about my ed?
/u/thin42069
Created: Mon Oct 8 15:31:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mj21z/should_i_tell_my_bf_about_my_ed/
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He kinda already knows what’s up like he knows I only eat once a day but he thinks I eat a lot more calories than I actually do. I also told him one time about this Reddit account on which I only have weight loss related subreddits but we were both extremely drunk and I think he forgot? I don’t know if I should have an actual conversation with him or if I should keep hiding it, and what I’d even say if I did sorry am in shambles lol overate today
5’9 girls...what’s your goal weight?
/u/throwaway29485748839
Created: Mon Oct 8 15:29:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mj1dw/59_girlswhats_your_goal_weight/
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[Discussion] And very low calorie noodle substitutes?
/u/SourRoach420
Created: Mon Oct 8 15:04:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mitu6/and_very_low_calorie_noodle_substitutes/
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I’ve tried shiritaki noodles but every time I make them they still manage to have a rubbery weird texture that I can’t get over. Even tips on how to cook them better is appreciated!
I’m craving spaghetti sauce like crazy and feel guilty eating it straight out of the jar lol
I’m going to tell my girlfriend...
/u/famarino [5’3 | CW: 105| 18.5 | UGW: 90| F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 15:02:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mitd4/im_going_to_tell_my_girlfriend/
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I’m coming clean and finally telling her about my ED. I’m so nervous and this could change/end our relationship. Wish me luck, guys.
PSA: fountain drinks have different calorie counts than their canned counterparts
/u/back-on-mybullshit
Created: Mon Oct 8 14:52:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9miq85/psa_fountain_drinks_have_different_calorie_counts/
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I found this out because I have a hangover and am lazy so I went to the sonic drive through to get powerade because I know it's somewhat low calorie and I needed those sweet, sweet electrolytes. And then I got very confused trying to log it because there were a bunch of different calorie counts in LoseIt and they were all different from the one sonic has listed. So I looked it up on the coca cola website and powerade from the fountain has almost 2x the calories of bottled powerade. And sonic powerade has even more than that (I guess they put a higher syrup ratio? IDK) And it's like that for all fountain drinks. They all have more calories than the stuff in the can. And for some reason stuff from coke freestyle machines has more calories than canned but less than normal fountain drinks?
Anyway, I know most of us probably drink diet drinks anyway so it doesn't really matter. I normally do and after this I'm never ordering non-diet drinks from a fast food chain or restaurant ever again. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
Not attractive anymore
/u/alliwantisskinny [5'7 | 113 | 17.7 | -10 | female]
Created: Mon Oct 8 14:25:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mijc2/not_attractive_anymore/
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so I've kind of been in a weird food state. just eating whatever I want.. and I've gained around 5 pounds and I'm literally so mad at myself.
I've noticed though my boyfriend has seemed really uninterested in me and hasn't been commenting on my body (like usual) and I don't know what's going on. do I look huge? did the 5 pounds make a huge difference in how he sees me? am I ugly? i hate myself. never want to eat again.
Isn't life grand?
/u/xStingx
Created: Mon Oct 8 14:11:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mifn2/isnt_life_grand/
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For the first time ever, I decided to wear a crop top outside today but I wore it with high waisted skinny jeans so I wasn't showing too much tummy. I'm a very shy and reserved girl and at higher weights, I wore a lot of men's t-shirts and jeans so what I wore today was definitely out of my comfort zone. Anyway, today was going well, I felt...confident? until I was walking to one of my classes and dropped my notebook. I had papers inside of the notebook and upon falling, all of my papers scatter and began to blow in the wind. I bend down, trying to grab the papers and of course, top comes up, skin displayed and I'm huntched over so I know I look fat asf. I'm still trying to grab the papers and it's just not happening. I finally get them up and as I try to stand back up I nearly fall over (I have drop foot in one of my feet and it causes me to trip and fall sometimes so I have to be very careful when walking and climbing stairs). Anyway I get all the papers and try to organize everything neatly again. I'm slightly embarrassed as this point as there were so many people around. Before organizing my shit, I set my diet coke down on a small brick wall and after organizing my shit, I reach down to get my diet coke and it falls over on the ground. At this point I'm so annoyed. I scream ''fuck!'' bend over again displaying my gross fat and rush to class. It ruined my whole day. I just knew I was going home to binge and purge on my freezer food. On the way home I'm nearing a doughnut shop that I love but haven't eaten at all year. I think '' fuck it '' and go. I got a dozen doughnut holes and a glazed twist. Roughly 1000 calories. I know I'm going to purge it so I'm not mad. I get home, put my frozen food in the oven and proceed to purge the doughnuts. Nothing comes up. I wait awhile longer eat my freezer food and wait a bit to purge everything. What do you know? Nothing comes up. I want to cry. I'm trying to cry because I feel shit but I can't fucking cry!! I look in the mirror and see how gross I look and now I want to call out of work and turn out all the lights and think about how much I want to die. The end.
[Rant/Rave] Boyfriend said I’m ugly because of weight loss
/u/SourRoach420
Created: Mon Oct 8 14:08:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mietl/boyfriend_said_im_ugly_because_of_weight_loss/
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My boyfriend knows for as long as we’ve been dating (9 months) that I’ve struggled with weight loss and ideal body image. When we first started dating I was at about 120 pounds, maybe a little less at 5’4.5”. We are long distance and I’ve lost about 10 pounds since the last time a saw him over a month ago and he fucking tells me that he wouldn’t like me anymore if my boobs or ass got any smaller. He said “guys like girls with big tits and a big ass”.
Well I’m so fucking sorry that how my body is makes you so unhappy. I like the weight I’m at! If you don’t like it then go fucking find someone else that has a big ass and tits but also isn’t a fucking whale. Fuck you. No one is perfect.
How would he like if I told him that he won’t be attractive till he gains another 10 or 15 pounds of muscle??? Fucking asshole. Nothing would ever be good enough till I have an instagram pornstar’s body... Which he keeps as his phone wallpaper 🙂🔫. I think next time I see him I’ll change my phone wallpaper to the body of a guy I wish he looked like .👌
Anyone wanna be fitbit buddies?
/u/sipapito [4'11"| 116lbs | BMI: 23.6 | -2lbs | f]
Created: Mon Oct 8 14:00:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mic9j/anyone_wanna_be_fitbit_buddies/
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I use my Fitbit to track steps, exercise, and food if anyone wants to be buddies! lmk!
[Rant/Rave] Restriction Starts Again. My Life is a Mess
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Mon Oct 8 13:41:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mi5xo/restriction_starts_again_my_life_is_a_mess/
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Ever since my LEEP surgery 6 days ago, I've binged every day but one. I feel huge. I'm also bloated from this surgery. I'm in constant pain. I went to the ER by myself on Friday night because I couldn't take the pain. It was scary. I have a bruise from where the IV was. My lower back feels like someone is repeatedly punching me over and over. Also, I get my period tomorrow so that's great.
Somehow, I've only gained two pounds. It could be water weight. Who knows. I'm facing a dilemma, because I know I should be eating healthily since I'm healing from a surgery, but anytime I eat over 900 calories, I immediately erase everything from my fitness pal and binge. I JUST WANT TO BE NORMAL.
Sorry for the ranting. I'm just really not in a good place... I get my test results in about a week. I'm scared. My emotions are OUT OF CONTROL. My boyfriend and I have been constantly arguing. I just want to go live alone with my cat.. I'm thinking of taking a klonopin and sleeping all day so then at least I won't binge. I just want to be 85 lbs, not 95. My brain is so messed up. I don't even weigh 100 pounds, yet I feel huge. I feel like a whale. I hate my body. ):
Thanks for reading this. 💕 I love you all. I hope you're having a better day than me.
[Rant/Rave] confused, stressed, and struggling
/u/satanic-sloth
Created: Mon Oct 8 13:34:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mi3t2/confused_stressed_and_struggling/
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(TW numbers!)
So basically 2 years ago i was 5’7” and weighed 110 lbs. I started getting upset about everyone mentioning my weight and telling me I need to eat more food or stop being vegan, so I felt pressured to gain weight. I gained about 10 pounds in a month then stayed there until last year when I spiraled out of control. For about a year now I’ve been in a constant binge cycle. I am now 150 lbs. I’m the happiest I’ve been in a while thanks to my boyfriend, but I’ve also never hated my body more. My boyfriend has been going through some shit recently with work and family and his mental health isn’t the best right now. When we met about a year ago he was 6’2” and about 175 lbs. He has unintentionally lost a lot of weight in the last few months due to stress and now weighs 155lbs. It makes me sad to see how much weight he’s lost and I’m secretly so jealous of his quick weight loss/embarrassed I’m almost the same weight as him. I really need to get my shit together and get down to my safe weight (125) but I’m scared to ruin our relationship. 2 Years ago at my LW I pushed everyone away from me and isolated myself from the world. My boyfriend has helped me to come out of my shell and be more confident and social and I’ve never been happier but I still desperately crave the high of loss. I just don’t know what to do. The only thing I’m sure of is that I need to lose weight. I am 5 pounds away from my HW and that is too close for comfort.
[Rant/Rave] living alone for a week makes me want to be alone all the time
/u/smallblush
Created: Mon Oct 8 13:02:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mhtic/living_alone_for_a_week_makes_me_want_to_be_alone/
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my roommate is out of town for the week to visit her girlfriend and look at apartments for when we eventually move at the end of this semester (we’ve lived together two years now). normally i’d be really fucking sad the entire time but i feel... nothing? even worse, i think i’m kind of pumped. i’m on hour 112 of my fast and i went and bought some of my safe foods today after browsing the supermarket for nearly two hours, and i’m really enjoying myself. and i dunno, maybe all of that is just the ed talking, but i feel so good without someone breathing down my neck and shoving unhealthy stuff in my mouth all the time. i know the way we used to bond was hanging out, binge-watching shows and eating whatever the hell we wanted, but my best friend (roommate) is super skinny naturally. she never gains weight or looks different. ever. and we used to eat the same amount, before my ed flared up again. i know ultimately she wants what’s best for me because we’re like sisters, but idk if i spend another birthday or summer fat and hating myself, i might actually lose my shit. i’ve been seriously thinking about moving to a different place when i move out after this semester, but i wouldn’t even know where to start. i don’t know if i even should start.
[Thinspo] What was your most inspiring bout of irl thinspo? Or reverse thinspo if that's what gets you going.
/u/cortizonegnome [5'3" | bingetastic CW: 107 | GW 99 | UGW 88 | F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 12:40:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mhm8s/what_was_your_most_inspiring_bout_of_irl_thinspo/
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I'm interested in becoming a physician and this weekend I shadowed internal medicine at a nearby hospital. The two residents that accompanied us and the attending were both tiny asian (note: this is relevant b/c I'm also asian lol) women around my height. They were *tiny*. Drowning in their scrubs. From under their coats I could see their dainty wrists and prominent collarbones. They both couldn't have weighed more than 92 lbs soaking wet. They were busy and wore no makeup and looked really tired but they still looked so beautiful. The whole day we sprint-walked around the hospital, taking the stairs instead of the elevator to be efficient, and I watched them constantly buzzing around getting *something* done. Somehow the dark bags under their eyes made them look even *better* b/c it meshed so well with how thin they were? They were incredibly intelligent and that day they both skipped lunch b/c it was so busy. That's the life I want to live. I want to help people and be so busy helping people that I sacrifice my own lunch too. They were everything I want to be. They were like me but they achieved everything I wanted in life.
DAE feel like a failure if they get too close to their maximum calorie count?
/u/OriginalJokeGoesHere [170cm | GW 45kg | 19M | 🍑 same | ednos]
Created: Mon Oct 8 12:35:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mhkrm/dae_feel_like_a_failure_if_they_get_too_close_to/
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So I restrict to 500+my activity calories which theoretically gives me a limit of like 1100 on most days to lose 2lbs a week. I've been eating 800 (overestimated) and feeling terrible about it. Every time I get close to 1000 I get convinced that I'm going to gain. Also, because I have to (over) estimate portion sizes and calories so much I'm convinced that without this cushion I'm going to be even fatter.
[Rant/Rave] I don't even like Chinese food...
/u/voteforgoats
Created: Mon Oct 8 12:21:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mhg5p/i_dont_even_like_chinese_food/
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We went out to eat at a Chinese and sushi buffet for my dad's birthday. I have a strong dislike for Chinese food, but I can just go with the flow to make him happy. I'm allergic to shellfish, and half of their options had shrimp. None of the sushi was labeled, so I couldn't take a gamble with any of it, either (I actually like sushi).
This left me with few options, and I tried what seemed appealing. The catfish was bone dry. The "baked salmon" was so overcooked, it was white and tough like jerky. The chicken was legit rubbery chewy and impossible to swallow. Their rice was undercooked and still hard. Even their rolls where stale on the inside and not a good texture.
I spent the entire lunch trying something, and being disappointed. Now I feel like I wasted a whole meal and I'm mad at myself for it.
But my dad was so happy, so I just smiled and pretended like it was the best meal ever. Ugh. I'm unreasonably mad about this whole thing.
[Discussion] How ‘hungry’ is ‘hungry’ for you?
/u/BladderPatrol
Created: Mon Oct 8 12:08:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mhbnr/how_hungry_is_hungry_for_you/
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I’m hungry all the time. It’s to the point where I don’t feel comfortable unless I’m hungry, which I don’t think is an uncommon feeling. But I’m interested to know what it takes for you guys to feel hunger to the point of admitting you’re hungry enough to eat.
Example: I had a supplement smoothie for breakfast at 5:30am. At 10:30 I decided to eat 100g of strawberries. After I was done eating them my stomach was growling and I felt deeply empty and my stomach felt like it was full of ice. As my stomach was growling and I was having ‘hunger pains’ I thought ‘oh that’s weird because I’m not hungry.’ Obviously my body is very deeply hungry, but it doesn’t register to me that I should eat. I don’t feel like I’m hungry enough to warrant eating.
So I guess I’m curious about how you guys treat hunger. What’s the line between normal hunger and hunger that causes you to eat?
Considering vaping?
/u/IDontLikeLollipops
Created: Mon Oct 8 12:07:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mhbje/considering_vaping/
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So I'm considering vaping as an appetite suppressant, but I don't know how I feel about nicotine. Is the nicotine what suppresses it? Or does just the act of vaping help?
[Goal] Had to buy new autumn clothes since the old ones were baggy but i havent yet realized how much i’ve lost until i checked the sizes... this is mfn goals!!!!!
/u/s_chill_er [5'7''|CW: 117|GW:110|18.3|18F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 11:59:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mh8sd/had_to_buy_new_autumn_clothes_since_the_old_ones/
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https://i.redd.it/geeto6op30r11.jpg
[Other] Hurricane Diet
/u/jmiles00 [5'2 | 144.8 CW| 26.5 BMI | ftm]
Created: Mon Oct 8 11:51:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mh675/hurricane_diet/
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A hurricane is about to hit my town so my classes are cancelled for the rest of the week. Everyone is talking about stocking up on snacks and beer for the hurricane. My pantry is looking pretty bare rn and I *should* go stock up for the storm but instead I'm looking forward to a mono-diet of saltines until I run out and a fast for the remainder of the storm
How do I deal with the guilt??
/u/pringlesenthusiast [5’3 | CW 135 | HW 175 | GW 110| UGW 98]
Created: Mon Oct 8 11:43:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mh39f/how_do_i_deal_with_the_guilt/
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My friends and family love me so much and want me to be in recovery. I’m constantly lying and saying I’m eating when I’m not, they make me promise and so I do. I tell them things are getting better. I have NEVER been one to lie like this and I feel like a horrible awful person for it. I love them all so much I don’t want them to worry but The thought of recovering and not having my ED is beyond overwhelming I just can’t I’m not ready. The guilt is a lot to handle any and all advice or kind words are welcome ❤️💕
[Help] Why do I keep sabotaging my weightloss?
/u/remmyowlbean
Created: Mon Oct 8 11:39:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mh1u8/why_do_i_keep_sabotaging_my_weightloss/
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I’ve been stuck at 170-178 for like three months now and every time I get to 169 it’s like a switch flips and I lose all control.
I’ll be dieting and perfectly controlled with absolutely no binging until I get my weight to 169 and then the compulsion to eat literally everything in sight comes back and I gain again.
I don’t know why I keep doing this! It’s driving me insane
Someone help me please
overheard my stepmom saying i was way too fat and it’s good that i haven’t been eating.
/u/sundaeys
Created: Mon Oct 8 11:38:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mh1jn/overheard_my_stepmom_saying_i_was_way_too_fat_and/
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i’ve had my weight commented on for my entire life but this was just especially triggering since she said it in such a hateful tone. i doubt i’ll ever feel confident about my body ever again.
sorry for the mini rant :(
[Discussion] starting a diet at 1200, am i a failure?
/u/hidden_in_shadows
Created: Mon Oct 8 11:17:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mguqu/starting_a_diet_at_1200_am_i_a_failure/
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i'm pretty sure i have BED lol, although it wasn't an official diagnosis, just my therapist saying so.
so in an effort to stick to a diet (and move to a more restrictive one eventually) i'm starting at 1200cal a day. i just?? feel gross about it and kind of wanted to hear what you all on this sub think lol
i think the discussion tag is correct but please let me know if i'm wrong
[Rant/Rave] I can never achieve the "petite" look, thanks to my bone structure
/u/deathsultimatestan [5'5 | CW 96 | HW150 | BMI 16.2 | 19F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 10:46:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mgka3/i_can_never_achieve_the_petite_look_thanks_to_my/
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I thought when I got down to 95 pounds that I'd look as dainty as the girls I used for thinspo. But boy, was I wrong. Turns out my wide abdomen wasnt just because I was fat, but because of my build. So instead, I just got narrow, but my middle area stays wide as ever. Waist to hip ratio? Don't her. Getting underweight but never having that supertiny waist is pretty disappointing. Too bad you can lose weight but not reform your skeleton...
[Discussion] How to tell future boss I need to push back starting so I can go to treatment?
/u/freckafunk
Created: Mon Oct 8 10:43:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mgj71/how_to_tell_future_boss_i_need_to_push_back/
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Hi guys
I accepted a job offer in June for a start date this fall. I had to study for and pass a certification exam and I failed, which isn’t uncommon and gives me 30 days until I can re-take it.
I’ve been studying alone all summer and shit has really gotten out control. In 3-4 months I’ve spent tens of thousands of dollars on food/ingredients/cooking supplies/Starbucks (meal replacement of choice). All I think about is food, exercising, food storage, recipes, nutritional value, food shopping. I could have bought a new BMW with the money I spent for ED.
After looking at my credit card statements and finally listening to my therapist, I’m pretty sure I need help. I can’t possibly take on more adult responsibilities unless I let go of this distracting food/body bullshit I focus on 25/7. I’m 26 and everyone around me is just cruising into adulthood/engagement/career success and I am flopping around like a flabby, pale, poor, emotionally unstable salmon exhausted from swimming upstream since I was 20.
I need to tell my boss I need to push back my start date to go to PHP. I don’t want him to think I’m unreliable, lazy, unstable, or that I don’t take this job opportunity seriously. I don’t want to tell him about the eating disorder. I don’t want to appear like I expect sympathy.
I just want an excuse that makes sense and doesn’t tell all my coworkers I’m a mess before I even meet them. I just want the space to feel better.
Mono?? Jury duty?? Idk what to do or say. He already knows I failed my first try at the exam he needs me to pass and was really really chill about it. I don’t want to take advantage of him.
[Help] Gained like 20 pounds binging
/u/ihatethewordoof
Created: Mon Oct 8 09:50:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mg1eq/gained_like_20_pounds_binging/
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I've posted on here in the past and I left after I got to a place where I felt like I was somewhat recovered. I was doing pretty well for myself. I got a job and met a guy over summer whom I fell for, then after we messed around (he took my virginity/sorry I know tmi) he decided to tell me he didn't want anything serious. During all of this, I guess the stress from that, my job, and the abusive environment I was in with my mother, I started losing weight unintentionally. I got really skinny again to the point where everyone had to add their input. It made me insecure so I started slowly putting on weight. The first 5-8 pounds were from intentionally gaining weight. Everything afterwards has been from me binging and I literally don't know how to make it stop. I'll binge and say, "Okay, tomorrow I'm gonna eat 1,200 calories so I can lose this added weight." Then the next day will come and I'll either eat my daily recommended, or I'll binge again. I just keep gaining weight, but I'm such a wreck with everything that's been going on and is still going on, that I guess I'm binging from the stress. Has anyone else been able to combat this?
Best foods to chew and spit?
/u/andinev
Created: Mon Oct 8 09:48:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mg0o1/best_foods_to_chew_and_spit/
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I’m going to the grocery store today and I’ve just started chewing and spitting again, it makes life with an Ed so much easier. What are some of your favorite foods to c/s? Anything watery or with a lot of liquid is kinda hard and mushy stuff like muffins is so gross to spit out. I don’t want to buy things that I won’t want to spit and then end up eating them.
From a size 18 to a size 10
/u/gnatthebunny
Created: Mon Oct 8 09:16:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mfqkj/from_a_size_18_to_a_size_10/
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Since about April til now I've steadily dropped quite a bit of weight, and my pants size has gone from an 18 to a 10 (which is still way too high, but whatevs, I'm still working on it). There's proof I've lost significant weight, in the way my clothes fit, in the scale, in the comments I get, in my bmi, but I just can't see it at all. I feel even more gross than I did before. I feel uncomfortable leaving the house because I feel so ashamed of my body. Does anybody else feel this way? What can I do to help? I hate this so much. I hate my stupid fucking body.
I hate periods
/u/bromodatchi [5'1" | 96 lbs | 18.9 | F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 09:16:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mfqep/i_hate_periods/
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I've had my period for straight up over a month and I fucking hate it. Obviously, cause for concern, so after some serious google-fu I learned that PROLONGED periods are ALSO a side effect of eating disorders. why can't i get the GOOD NO PERIOD ONE. (but at least validating)
[Goal] I want to look sick by thanksgiving
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 |CW 118 | GW 115 | GW 105-110 | F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 09:05:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mfmsm/i_want_to_look_sick_by_thanksgiving/
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I don’t know know if that’s a reasonable goal but i want people to notice. That means no bingeing and occasional fasting. I think I can do it. To be 110 or less in 6-7 weeks.
[Discussion] Tips for restricting while living with SO?
/u/noonelovesacowgirl
Created: Mon Oct 8 09:02:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mflz8/tips_for_restricting_while_living_with_so/
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(Obligatory hey guys, first post, longtime lurker etc opening)
I moved in with my boyfriend over two months ago after living on my own over a year, at less than 10 lbs from my goal weight. Everything's been going great, except that I realized I can absolutely not lose weight when I'm not living on my own, with an empty fridge and cupboards full of protein bars and 0 cal sweeteners. Even living in a dorm with free meal plan was nothing compared to this--my bf happens to be a great cook and has a very active job.
Instead of losing slowly like I intended, I gained about 5 lbs quickly and think i accidentally "recovered" (night sweats, sleeping all the time, completely bloated 24/7, the works). On the bright side, the blood sugar issues I'd been having for months finally went away, and uni started so I have free access to a full gym again.
I can't be the only one in a situation like this, but I don't have the willpower to push through and i hate it. I just want to be 100 lbs so bad--thinking about either buying a vape or EC stacking for appetite suppressant, but I'd have to keep both these a complete secret all the time. I can't even tell him I want to lose weight because my bmi is ~20 and I have more muscle than I want already.
Anyone else have any luck with vaping/EC? Or other ways you've figured out how to lose secretly?
[Discussion] Does anyone else have the negative chatter too? What do you tell yourself? I have been looking through my journals so I am posting what I wrote...
/u/EatingMyArtOut
Created: Mon Oct 8 09:01:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mflr2/does_anyone_else_have_the_negative_chatter_too/
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I pick at my face and I ruin my complexion. I feel underserving of beauty, of not looking wrong in some way. I chew on the sides of my fingers and I peel layers of skin off until I see blood. I feel irritated like there is something in me and I cannot get it out. There is a constant chattering in my head, “Why are you so stupid?” “There is something wrong with you,” “People are looking at you because you are so fat and gross,” “You are unlovable and you just need to face it.”
I am a silent disorder, tricking others and fooling myself. I plan the stuffing and filling of the missing parts of me. My head spins tired through a haze of awareness but I cannot stop for I have little holes in my soul and I have to numb the pain of having to be me.
Intuitive Eating
/u/Kitkat9229
Created: Mon Oct 8 08:49:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mfi3t/intuitive_eating/
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I've been learning how to eat intuitively for the last few months and I just wanted to share some of the pros/cons that I've encountered throughout this process. As a note, everybody's body responds differently to this process and I'm also under the supervision of a dietician and a therapist. There is also no standardized time for how long it takes to learn to eat intuitively. From what I can tell so far it seems like a lifelong process but it just gets easier. I can say despite the cons, it has been so worth it and I feel like I'm finally getting my life back.
Cons:
- Fear about gaining weight/body changes
- Fear when eating my "do not ever eat" foods
- Lots of anxiety when it's time to eat
- Loss of my sense of accomplishment when losing weight/seeing scale go down (this feeling is definitely addictive in my experience)
- My stomach has gotten a bit bigger, but this could be due to bloating from eating more food than I'm used to
Pros:
- I can think clearly again now that my brain and body are nourished
- I can go out to dinner at a place without calories listed on the menu
- I have energy to do things other than watch food videos/obsess over calories and meal planning
- I'm not hangry anymore
- My relationship with my boyfriend has improved significantly now that I'm not starving all the time
- There are so many delicious foods out there that I haven't had in ages and it's so fun trying all of them
- I care so much less about what my body looks like. That's not to say I don't care at all, but it's like the eating disorder voice is quieter so it's easier to ignore. Some days are easier than others and some days end in me crying on my floor so it's not all sunshine and rainbows. Lol
I do want to say that this journey has not been easy and I know that many of you on here are not ready for recovery and I totally understand. I've had an eating disorder for 8 years and it's been quite the process getting to this point. I don't know what changed for me to want to truly try to recover. Maybe it was the strain it took on my relationship? Maybe it's because I started therapy again? Maybe the constant hunger finally wore me down? Maybe it was a bunch of little things? I'll never know but feel free to ask me any questions about intuitive eating/recovery and I hope you all have a lovely Monday. :)
[Goal] Anyone else using extra effort to keep it together today?
/u/halfcigarette [5'4"| CW: 👻 | BMI:20ish | 23F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 08:48:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mfhw3/anyone_else_using_extra_effort_to_keep_it/
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I feel like I’m going to binge and I’m committed to stopping it
[Help] Smooth move tea vs senna pills
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 |CW 118 | GW 115 | GW 105-110 | F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 08:26:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mfb0z/smooth_move_tea_vs_senna_pills/
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I’m looking for relief and am between these two. What’s the difference? How do they affect your body?
Currently the thinnest in the room
/u/art_istical [5'5 | CW: 104 | BMI: 17 | GW: 99 | Female]
Created: Mon Oct 8 08:25:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mfayo/currently_the_thinnest_in_the_room/
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Ah it's been an insane weekend and I just want to talk about it with people who would truly understand so here's a breakdown of my life nobody needed:
I'm 17. I have a very busy life: Monday i work from 10-2, and on Friday 10-3. Tuesday I am in a town an hour from me for classes from 9AM-10PM. Wednesday is my day off. Thursday again in town for classes from 9-3. I walk on average 10,000 to 15,000 steps at a decently brisk pace and usually with a large backpack. Weekends I am either at my boyfriend's in town or he is at my house. Any of mt free time is spent studying and looking after my 30+ pets.
I'm in a really restrictive mindset. I haven't had my net calories come to equal more than 500 by the end of the day in more than two weeks. I also do a fair bit of yoga.
The scale at my house broke around the same timw i started restricting heavily, so i haven't been able weigh myself. Well Friday I came to my boyfriend's house and weighed myself aaaaand I was 2 pounds under my GW, I haven't been this weight since I was 14 and two inches shorter. It's been my goal since then. That means I've lost almost 20 pounds since around midsummer. And 10 of those just in the last month. My BMI is lower than it's ever been.
My life is genuinely the best it's EVER been and i can't understand why I'm doing this to myself, I'm so incredibly happy with life! Everything makes me happy, I'm always excited about like 58392995 things, but I can't make myself eat. Of course that's another thing adding to my joy (and my sorrow. What a brain fuck).
This whole weekend has been insane and I still won't be home until around 2 today. Currently I'm sitting in a coffee shop, I'm the thinnest one here, I'm happy, and it's not like anybody can tell. I have naturally larger thighs so i honestly look totally healthy, but the fact that I'm the thinnest one here... I am... HAPPY.
Anyway. You guys are all amazing and i hope you all have a fantastic week!
I binged between 3000-4000 calories and want to dieeee. If I eat 800-1000 a day for the remainder of the week will that stop the damage ?! :( fml
/u/narkreturn
Created: Mon Oct 8 08:17:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mf8dm/i_binged_between_30004000_calories_and_want_to/
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starting my two week fast today
/u/liddle_eggroll
Created: Mon Oct 8 08:14:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mf7fm/starting_my_two_week_fast_today/
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fuck
Looking for a friend
/u/ChugaChuga_ChooChoo
Created: Mon Oct 8 07:42:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9meyc0/looking_for_a_friend/
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I’ve mentioned my ED to two people in my life, one friend that I don’t talk to anymore and one friend who’s still in my life but he’s too ADHD(he actually is) to remember. No one else knows, those who know don’t seem to care, and I’m a sad sorry sack of a slob. At least during the weekends anyway.
But today’s a Monday. And like always, I feel gross, having binged over the weekend. I usually restrict during the weekdays, but there’s left over weekend food, and I just want to keep eating today.
With all that said...
I just want to talk to someone, who understands, just for one evening, for me to just... let it out. No need to continue the “spontaneous and momentary friendship”. It can just be a one time thing. Anyone up for a possibly awkward, possibly binging(or restricting, whatever suits your wants), possibly motivating, Discord session or something?
P.S. I’m by no means wanting to perpetuate our behavior. If a binge session happens, it happens. I’m not going to enjoy it, and I’m going to be sad about it. But if I can share that with someone, it might be... nice.
[Rant/Rave] Honestly the WORST side effect of binge related disorders!
/u/Bookofkelis [5'10 | 126 | 18.1 | GW 118 | 20F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 07:23:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9met3i/honestly_the_worst_side_effect_of_binge_related/
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https://i.redd.it/49oo6zygqyq11.png
[Rant/Rave] DOUBLE DIGIT CLUB BABES!!
/u/manfromanother-place [5’1.75 | CW:100 | GW: 95 | 18.4]
Created: Mon Oct 8 07:21:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mesko/double_digit_club_babes/
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just hit 99 lbs!!!
[Goal] I reached my ultimate goal weight
/u/chris12312
Created: Mon Oct 8 07:17:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9merr0/i_reached_my_ultimate_goal_weight/
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Well actually I stepped on the scale and Im half a pound less than my goal weight. I thought I would feel euphoric or something, but I feel nothing. I thought that once I reached it I would just maintain, but I look at myself and want to lose 10 more pounds. I'm honestly extremely confused and feel blind sided. I thought it would be over.
Thanks for pointing out that i used to be kinda chubby (TW: NUMBERS INCLUDED)
/u/robynfclark
Created: Mon Oct 8 07:15:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mer2m/thanks_for_pointing_out_that_i_used_to_be_kinda/
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So i work at a gym . Ive been fairly in my ed since i stopped using drugs. I was giving this guy a tour of our gym and he asked how much weight i had lost. I told him my HW was 140. He said
"wow you used to be pretty chubby! What are you now?" I told him my CW (104). He then started telling his friend who just walked up about how "chubby i used to be for my frame" and how much weight id lost.
Backstory- so i was in an antidepressant which did make me gain a ton of weight. Looking back at pictures i looked disgusting. But as soon as i stopped i lost all the weight. So idk im just freaking out a bit. Been secretly purging anytime i have to/choose to eat. And i just want to keep losing weight until i beat my LW. Keep me motivated.
[Goal] When it finally goes right!
/u/alienatkerba
Created: Mon Oct 8 07:14:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9meqpc/when_it_finally_goes_right/
---
So I had a goal of hitting a certain weight by yesterday for an event I've been looking forward to and y'all I'm not trying to brag but...
I. Made. It!!
Finally got that whoosh!! The dress I bought was too big!! My friend sent me some pictures from waiting before the show and I look cute and little... Not perfect yet but the dysmorphia has receded for a moment and I am enjoying it immensely. I can't believe it, I finally feel GOOD.
[Rant/Rave] There's hope
/u/hidesnducks
Created: Mon Oct 8 07:13:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9meqo0/theres_hope/
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I have been binging for the past about 8 months and gained almost 50 lbs. But yesterday I fasted for 24 hours! Fasting is beautiful; I love fasting because it makes me feel warm and safe. Guys, I am so happy right now because I thought I was broken and some sort of fake pretending to have food issues. Like I go through rough periods of heavy restriction and b/p and then binge eating but I never feel that my food issues are legit unless I am actively losing weight/ calorie restricting. But i somehow still have it in me and yesterday/ early this morning is proof that i can for long periods without food.
Also, I learned that mom weights 1 lb less than me at my lowest weight last year. Which was so shocking because she and my sister use to make fun of me and the way clothes fitted me. Now i have proof that she was trying to sabotage me. Huh. People always tell me that I am reaching and that i look to deeply into things but I KNOW.
This is all motivational, you guys, cause my mom keeps knocking on my door telling to come out n eat, cooking with extra oil if she knows that I am going eat with them, and sneaking me junk food behind my sister back. My sister knows about my binge eating, so she tries to help considering my weight is out of control. My mother was trigger by her weight as well and she announced today in the morning that she wasnt going to fast food/bread/ deep fried foods. My mom loves me but shes messed up too. I know that she wants to be the thinnest out of the three. That's the 🍵🍵🍵.
So, I am going to try and beat my longest fast which is 5 days. I have snake juice all ready and Hulu/Showtime for entertainment when the boredom hits. I am going to try walk at least 2 hours a day and plank for 4 minutes total/per day. Also hopefully not poop my pants.
Family Birthday Anxiety
/u/pizzaneet [5'6 |CW 133 | BMI 21.4 | GW 115 | F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 07:09:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mepbt/family_birthday_anxiety/
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It’s my mums birthday today, and because of that I’m being forced to go for a meal. I’m freaking out because there’s no way I’m going to be able to restrict today and it’s going to be the most I’ve eaten in months.
My extended family will be there too and I really can’t avoid eating around them or they’ll ask questions, plus they’ll be expecting me to drink too which is even more calories. They’ll probably be getting dessert too which I usually refuse but I know they’ll act weird with me if I refuse it today.
I already fucked up today by eating some oatmeal this morning so that’s 300 calories already, I’m going to cry
I’m so close to my goal and I’m going to mess it up because of dumb family expectations ugh
[Goal] Going to quit biscuits and chocolates from tomorrow onwards
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Mon Oct 8 07:04:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9meo1l/going_to_quit_biscuits_and_chocolates_from/
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I never want to touch them again, at least for the time being. It is causing me to overeat more than I normally used to. It is so easy to get addicted to chocolates and biscuits.
Got me a free treat for my birthday at overpriced starbucks. 56 calories and a BUTTLOAD of splenda, because that's not a sweet tooth, that's a sweet jaw I have. (Repost cause the previous had a typo in the title)
/u/Arkhamgel [Height | 173| 27.7 | +22 | Male]
Created: Mon Oct 8 06:57:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9melzj/got_me_a_free_treat_for_my_birthday_at_overpriced/
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https://i.redd.it/dn7pt8fslyq11.jpg
How about this plan?
/u/Ednosonline [175 cm/5'9" | 65 kg/143,3 lbs | BMI 21,2 | -2 kg | Female]
Created: Mon Oct 8 06:52:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mekt9/how_about_this_plan/
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I am currently aiming towards a BMI of <20. I dont think I've been there in 8 years or so, but it's only like 3 kg away (6 lbs?).
My current plan is this: lose 1 kg per month. Doing this by High restricting (1500 net calories) in the beginning of the month and then maintain. I am also flexitarian and doing keto.
I went below 64 kg today, meaning I already reached my October goal. And I am SO afraid of binging, I thought this might be an idea. Thoughts?
Why am I like this?
/u/heyitsmelareine
Created: Mon Oct 8 06:49:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mek4t/why_am_i_like_this/
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Gym membership starts tomorrow and of course i get myself ready with a nice mid-afternoon binge :)))) Even though I promised myself that instead of eating when i’m bored, i’d spend my hours in the sauna/pool instead. Oh well, I guess there’s tomorrow.
I hate my life 😭
Feeling low.
/u/rosepetalmemories
Created: Mon Oct 8 06:49:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mek22/feeling_low/
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My bf started dieting and so did I. He was 5,7 and 215lbs and works out everyday. Because of my job, I can't work out every day. I'm 5,5 and was as 119. Well today he weighed himself and he is 205...I'm only 112.8. I'm disappointed. He eats taco Bell and I've been on 350cal a day for the past week.
[Rant/Rave] I’m sensitive today, MFP, please fuck off to hell
/u/noroju17 [5'5 | 118 | 19.6 | 14.5 | f]
Created: Mon Oct 8 06:42:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9meicu/im_sensitive_today_mfp_please_fuck_off_to_hell/
---
https://i.redd.it/p0l4e5u8jyq11.jpg
[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! October 08, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Oct 8 06:14:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mebf1/weekly_stats_update_october_08_2018/
---
This is the weekly status thread for October 08, 2018.
The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.
Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):
* Height:
* Current weight (CW):
* Highest weight (HW):
* Lowest weight (LW):
* Goal weight (GW):
* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):
* Weight lost (WL):
* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))
* Age:
* Gender expression:
Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:
* Height:
* CW:
* HW:
* LW:
* GW:
* UGW:
* WL:
* BMI:
* Age:
* Gender expression:
*****
Status threads are posted every Monday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
Daily Food Diary! October 08, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Oct 8 06:13:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mebdw/daily_food_diary_october_08_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for October 08, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Other] Got me a free bday treat from overpriced starbucks ! 56 calories and a BUTTLOAD of spends because at this point it's a sweet jaw I have, not a tooth :)
/u/Arkhamgel [Height | 173| 27.7 | +22 | Male]
Created: Mon Oct 8 05:39:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9me3jj/got_me_a_free_bday_treat_from_overpriced/
---
https://i.redd.it/dg6gog4x7yq11.jpg
I just saw a woman with a BMI of 15/16 wearing the same coat that I, a woman with a BMI of 30, am wearing.
/u/goldmetalflowers [24F | 5'6 | CW:186 | LW:119 | GW1:155]
Created: Mon Oct 8 05:05:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mdwgw/i_just_saw_a_woman_with_a_bmi_of_1516_wearing_the/
---
Holy fuck I haven’t been this triggered in so long. I’m 63/120 into a fast so this has given me all the motivation I need to stick to my fast even though my legs are like jelly. Literally my exact same coat. Jesus Christ her legs were sooooo thin. Fuck me.
[Rant/Rave] Stopping antidepressants after 3 years and realizing I have become a fat fuck.
/u/ramenlover1997
Created: Mon Oct 8 03:37:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mdf9d/stopping_antidepressants_after_3_years_and/
---
I recently stopped taking 15 mg of Cipralex (also known as Lexapro) that I had been taking for three years because I consider myself stable enough to do so. I am determined to not depend on them ever again. They make me lose interest in virtually anything, even if they did help with my suicidal thoughts in the beginning. But after a while, they actually began to transform me into this emotionally numb person, and I didn’t give a fuck about anything.
Especially not about weight.
Of course, what with me being in therapy, I told myself that I was being kind to myself, that I was accepting my body, that happiness was more important than my weight.
Now, it took three years of therapy to even be okay with myself and everything that had happened in my life. It was worth it, too - I am not depressed anymore, I don’t want to kill myself...
Buuut because these antidepressants made me feel less and less while I was taking them, I began to crave extremes, anything that would cause me to feel something, whatever it might be.
My life is pretty boring, so I resorted to eating. Specifically binge eating.
I wasn’t bulimic anymore, I didn’t purge, I didn’t do anything to keep myself from gaining weight. That’s what self love is all about, right? You eat intuitively or whatever.
I couldn’t do that, though, and so I kept on getting fatter. I binged almost every day for two years, thinking this was how normal people did it...
FYI, I’m 5’2 and a small person.
My HW was (and is, it’s also my CW) at around 176 lbs.
Even my doctor urged me to lose weight, and he was right to do so because I was (and still am...) medically overweight. Not by much, but the difference was pretty drastic.
I used to be somewhat skinny. 110 lbs at my LW in 2015, although back then, I aimed for an even lower number and wasn’t satisfied with that weight.
From 110lbs to 176 lbs. Wow.
Because of Cipralex, I suddenly didn’t mind anymore. I thought I was getting past all this disordered eating now that I was 21 and that I just liked food so much that I couldn’t control my portions, “I’m a foodie”, blah blah blah... I had so many excuses!
That’s the price of recovery. Weight gain. Pretty normal and to be expected. I actually didn’t care about my weight, even though I have always been pretty vain and a perfectionist and my ED was such a big part of me prior to therapy. I just cast that aside as some form of juvenile rebellion, as me acting out. Doesn’t everyone dabble in disordered eating at least once in their life?
And yes, sometimes I DID wonder where all my weight-related anxiety had gone to, but I didn’t really miss it, so I simply accepted this “new me”. I got fat. I ate whatever I wanted to.
Now that I have stopped taking antidepressants, however, my old self is slowly coming back to me. I appreciate every emotion I am capable of experiencing because I was numb for so long. I feel alive. I love life and all that. Everything is so much clearer and intense and wonderful.
But.
I. Am. Livid.
It’s like some random person took control over my body for two years and wreaked havoc on it. I don’t recognize myself.
I am so fat. So fucking fat. How could I let this happen? How the fuck does self love correlate with weight gain? How could I make up so many excuses for myself? How could I NOT mind about my weight when in reality, I DO mind?
I went to a bar last saturday, and that’s when it hit me.
I was wearing a tight dress and hoping to flirt with the cute bartender, talking to my best friend and enjoying my night out. But since I gained so much fucking weight, I don’t look the way I did at 110 lbs anymore. Guys don’t look my way or even think about doing me. Mind you, it used to be the exact opposite: I got so many stares and compliments and phone numbers. That was three years ago. I went from being the cool, hot girl to being a pig. Realistically speaking, I did if course notice the steady weight gain, but it didn’t really get to me.
And so when I realized that the bartender was checking out my hot friend and not me, my heart started racing, I started to shake like I was about to have a panic attack, my sight went black.
I AM TOO FAT.
The revelation hit me like a wrecking ball, so I excused myself to go to the bathroom and bawl my eyes out because I was so devastated. I am the one who let this happen. It’s entirely my fault. How could I let myself think I even deserved to go to a fancy bar in a motherfucking bodycon dress with an ugly ass pixie cut that makes me look even fatter than I already am.
I know that I sound like a stuck up girl who’s conceited to no end and like I can’t deal with not being in the spotlight for once in my life, but this change is so hard to get used to. I feel like I was asleep this whole time I was on antidepressants and I just woke up. And only now do I realize that I still care about my looks, contrary to whatever lie I fed myself to get away with eating too much... I feel like the antidepressants merely “suppressed” my ED.
And because the only thing I know of to make myself feel better about this is to lose that weight extremely quick, I am back to purging, fasting and restricting.
I truly don’t know how else to cope, so down the rabbit hole I go...
It happened again.
/u/Pinkshake
Created: Mon Oct 8 03:37:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mdf8h/it_happened_again/
---
I stayed under 500cal yesterday, it was a fresh start. I was happy, energetic, friendly.
This morning I woke up with 3 chocolate bar packages, I don't even remember eating them. Now I'll just go order burgers and shit and hate myself even more.
[Discussion] Keto + restricting
/u/subarremos [5'3 | CW: 99 | GW: 88]
Created: Mon Oct 8 03:20:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mdc6n/keto_restricting/
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So, I once tried keto, but cheated so much I ended up gaining, but my dad started doing it right and he has lost like 4 kilos in two weeks (goals). I kinda want to try it again while restricting the calories as always.
Has anyone done keto while restricting? What was your experience?
People that used to have back fat and fat arms, did restricting fix it or did you have to do certain exercises?
/u/PARKABLE
Created: Mon Oct 8 03:13:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mdb0d/people_that_used_to_have_back_fat_and_fat_arms/
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Shit, I'm fucked. Purged for the first time in 9 years two days ago and now can't stop.
/u/InTheGecko [172cm (5'6) | 61.5kg (135lbs) | BMI: 20.6 | -12.5kg | F | 23yo]
Created: Mon Oct 8 02:45:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9md62q/shit_im_fucked_purged_for_the_first_time_in_9/
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When I was 14 I purged so much that I threw up blood and it scared me enough to make me swear I'd never do it again. Two days ago at work my manager told me I looked bloated and pregnant in my tights (after I ate a 400cal burrito omad) and I immediately excused myself and vomited my guts out in the work bathroom. I've thrown up everything I've eaten since. I fucking love it. It's like an irl ctrl-z. I don't have much of an appetite anymore since I don't want to purge. I'm so fucked though, I know it's gonna get really bad now. I hate myself. Wish me luck lmao
[Discussion] I’m never hungry anymore..
/u/wildcardwonder
Created: Mon Oct 8 02:43:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9md5s1/im_never_hungry_anymore/
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I love it and fear it at the same time. I feel light, dainty, and so out of it sometimes I can’t form a coherent sentence, but in my head, it’s worth feeling like this and having more “confidence.” I don’t want to die and I know I have to feed myself... but I hardly ever get hungry anymore and it’s starting to scare me. My diet is 87% liquids and I’m usually under 600-800 calories but I burn 400+ from working out everyday. In my head and heart I know how wrong it is and how people would kill to eat the food I have available to me whenever but I just can’t help it. I’m sick. My heart goes out to everyone in this sub because we’re all struggling with a fucking illness a lot of people don’t understand/don’t care about enough to even TRY to understand what we’re going through and dealing with, or just simply look the other way. I love you all and even if you feel like you don’t matter, you do. You matter. We’ll get through this.
Have been fasting for 3 days now and all I want is bread
/u/lightfeathers
Created: Mon Oct 8 02:33:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9md3yp/have_been_fasting_for_3_days_now_and_all_i_want/
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Woot woot
^just ^7 ^more ^days
[Goal] i was feeling so discouraged and frustrated, and sometimes i cant even tell if im losing weight and question if this is worth it. but this side by side made me feel a little better.
/u/deadgirlaesthetic
Created: Mon Oct 8 02:30:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9md3j2/i_was_feeling_so_discouraged_and_frustrated_and/
---
https://i.redd.it/j7m2vl2baxq11.jpg
[Help] Thoughts on a weekly 2000 calorie binge?
/u/lostandlonley333 [5"2 | CW:108 | 19.9 | -30.6| F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 02:21:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9md214/thoughts_on_a_weekly_2000_calorie_binge/
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So for background, I eat 1000 calories a day on average and for the past couple of months usually slip up once or twice a week and eat 2000-2500 which is always followed by a fast the next day.
Is it safe to continue doing this or should I try cut out the binges. Sometimes I can rack up to 3000 if im stoned cause I lose control but I always even out the calories with fasts and have been consistently losing weight.
Are these sort of 'binges' actually helpful in weight loss or will this catch up to me if I keep doing it?
[Other] Incredibly relatable 🤷🏻♀️
/u/butterscotch_puddin
Created: Mon Oct 8 02:07:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mczt0/incredibly_relatable/
---
https://i.redd.it/bfnv7d786xq11.jpg
[Other] What I think I look like since my brother said I gained weight. Gotta start restricting again.
/u/butterscotch_puddin
Created: Mon Oct 8 02:05:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mczcn/what_i_think_i_look_like_since_my_brother_said_i/
---
https://i.redd.it/s15c6n2q5xq11.jpg
[Other] Almost fainted three times today
/u/ImmediateAlien [5'3 | 104.7 lbs | GW 99 lbs | BMI: 19 | F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 01:20:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mcrfy/almost_fainted_three_times_today/
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Three fucking times. First on the bus, after walking 12000 steps while fasting, had to get off because my vision was cloudy/with black spots. Was close to home but decided to stop for food. Bad idea, almost fainted again waiting in line to pay. Had to go out really quickly and sit on the floor and breath. I get home, exhausted, and when I started climbing the stairs (3 floors awaited me) I almost passed out again. Boyfriend picked me up and carried me the three floors.
Now I feel really binges and I wanna justify my eating because I was sick, like my body deserves it. But I’m not underweight yet so I feel like a total failure. Don’t even know if I should eat at all tomorrow, low restrict, high restrict or just binge. Fml.
'No one cares about you when you're fat'
/u/misshomo
Created: Mon Oct 8 01:04:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mcod6/no_one_cares_about_you_when_youre_fat/
---
I keep thinking that... My mum doesn't seem to care at all that I don't eat during the day and then end up binging at night. Or that I go days just eating tiny portions. She actually said to me before, 'so you don't eat during the day and then you just don't stop eating at night?' I didn't even know how to respond. My mum knows that my dad used to shame me for eating and tell me how ugly I was through out my whole childhood. So why did she look so bewildered when I say, 'can you please not say things like that'. I then tried explaining it to her, 'I feel really ashamed when I eat, I hate people knowing that I'm eating'. All she could say was, 'WHY?!'. Even when I was bulimic she always said, 'what a waste of food!'
Am I just being over sensitive?
[Tip] How I stay “positive”
/u/miserablemei [Height: 5’1| CW: 158 |SW: 168| Female]
Created: Mon Oct 8 00:33:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mcipm/how_i_stay_positive/
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Sometimes I think, maybe I’m not fat, however I just have fat on me. I as a person am everything I want, but not the way I look. The only thing stopping me from being the best me, is my fat. Even if it’s untrue that sort of thinking has helped me fast for days on end on box of green tea and a gallon of water a day.
[Other] wtf
/u/aha98 [160cm CW: ~129lbs LW: ~115lbs GW: 105lbs F]
Created: Mon Oct 8 00:29:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mchs7/wtf/
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I just binged on tomatoes, broth, eggs and protein powder because I had nothing else at home. Stayed under 500 calories though.
[Rant/Rave] so i just had fresh baked bread
/u/happyplantlover [5'8 | CW:114lbs | GW: 112lbs | -25 lbs | F20]
Created: Mon Oct 8 00:20:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mcg33/so_i_just_had_fresh_baked_bread/
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for the first time in like a YEAR and holy shit it is like i forgot how amazing non-rice cake carbs taste like. that is all.
also managed to have only ONE bite and I have no idea where the control came from
[Rant/Rave] Fat Free Reddi-wip saved my marriage
/u/icthaine [🌾 5'8" | CW 156.5 | -15.5 | 23M | New in town ]
Created: Sun Oct 7 23:48:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mc9ib/fat_free_reddiwip_saved_my_marriage/
---
Title is misleading, sorry. Fat Free Reddi-wip saved my *life*, which in turn preserved my current engagement.
Made an account just to post this. Shit's 5 cal for 2 tablespoons. That's 10 for a quarter cup. 185 and a slight nitrous high for the entire can if you absolutely destroy it all in one go. Maybe I'm a rube but I cannot tell the difference between this delight and full fat whip.
Put it on berries for berries and cream, a dessert you only remember from a dream or that one time your parents took you to the Pancake House. Give your Halo Top a fun topping and extra dimension so you don't eat the whole goddamn pint. Freeze it in individual squirts for meringues to add to hot cocoa or coffee or tea for the cutest little fall drink. Fill up a little container and freeze it for the lightest, cheapest, lowest calorie, 40cal/cup ice cream that still tastes like cream and sugar. Spray it on your nips for the start to a sexy evening. Christen your kid with it.
I know it's been posted about before, but I need people to understand my personal exuberance. I'm going on an FFRW (Fat Free Reddi-wip) mono diet that's 185 calories a day of me spraying the whole can directly into my gullet. I'm so enamoured I could die, but I'd come back to life for the chance to taste it just one more time.
Even at my lowest weight, my bone structure meant I never look "petite". "
/u/deathsultimatestan [5'5 | CW 96 | HW150 | BMI 16.2 | 19F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 23:30:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mc5sv/even_at_my_lowest_weight_my_bone_structure_meant/
---
I was basically 95 pounds at my lowest weight and I still couldn't achieve the tiny waist / small shoulders because of how my frame is build. My shape is just rectangular, so yes I had a thigh gap, but nothing like those tiny waisted models you see as poster ED girls. And it just sucks to put in months starving yourself and you still look shapeless. Now I'm trying to lose again after forced gain and exercise but I remember that disappointment...
Thank you, skeleton, for being so wide... :|
[Rant/Rave] Guess who is currently binging on beef jerky and French bread?
/u/justadumbkid1
Created: Sun Oct 7 22:53:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mby7a/guess_who_is_currently_binging_on_beef_jerky_and/
---
This girl! I already feel really disgusting 🙃🙂🙃🙂
keto breath, a pox upon thine house
/u/juulorexia
Created: Sun Oct 7 22:49:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mbx8f/keto_breath_a_pox_upon_thine_house/
---
as if i didn't smell bad enough given my constant smoking, lack of showering, persistent aura of malease, absurd coffee consumption, and frequent vinegar drinking, you decide to give me an indomitable halitosis that knows not the masters of peppermints, toothpaste, tic tacs, or gum.
who knew that it's better to eat a fucking bulb of garlic than to not eat anything.
my boyfriend won't kiss me.
send help.
the all or nothing mindset
/u/brbaaaa
Created: Sun Oct 7 22:42:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mbvns/the_all_or_nothing_mindset/
---
I either starve myself or go on a full on binge (this is the biggest one). If I mess up on a Monday I see it as if I've ruined the entire week and I don't even try for the rest of the week. I either don't drink or drink until I pass out. When I was in college, I would either go to all of my classes, try my best and get straight As or I would miss them altogether. My room is always either super clean or a complete mess. Can anybody relate?
[Help] I can't gain weight?..
/u/ButINeedThatUsername
Created: Sun Oct 7 22:41:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mbvm3/i_cant_gain_weight/
---
I have been trying to gain weight for weeks now, but I just can't do it? Most of the times I would feel really ill and not ready to eat for the next day or two, but even after forcing myself to eat something and trying to keep everything inside of me I would still be unable to gain weight..
My arms are pretty thin/boney as is and I don't know what to do anymore? Also how could I somewhat train my body to not feel ill after eating?
So I passed out on my birthday
/u/JayLenoBlows [trans girl | 6’ | GW120 | flabby skeleton]
Created: Sun Oct 7 22:07:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mbo5z/so_i_passed_out_on_my_birthday/
---
Yay
I can tell I'm still getting sicker and sicker because my cheeks get more and more hollow but my body dysmorphia gets worse and worse, I'm eating nothing and feeling full but I like it because I can use that motivation to lose more weight because I'm such a piece of shit that I somehow manage to look flabby and overweight while I'm under a healthy weight by a good margin. I refuse to weigh myself because I have such a feeling of self loathing and dread of what it'll read even though logically I know I'm still losing. Fuck me and fuck my life
[Discussion] What do you think triggered you into this mess?
/u/lxelan4862
Created: Sun Oct 7 22:07:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mbo1l/what_do_you_think_triggered_you_into_this_mess/
---
Ok so I want to get this off my chest before I forget: my initial trigger was comparing myself to others. I have an extremely perfectionist personality, so when combined with inherent self-deprecation and high expectations, results in self-harming behaviors. I cant stop my eating disorder because I dont feel good enough. Every time I see someone my age or gender thinner than me I cant help but feel incompetent, that im not doing something right. I hear some people tell other girls "You're so skinny! You look so bony!", yet rarely does anyone tell me that. Most people think I have an average build (though on the slimmer side), neither extremely thin or fat... that is what angers me the most. I want to be called thin by strangers, friends...I want the first thought in people's minds to be "wow, that girl is so skinny! I wish I looked like that!" That. Is. What. Kills. Me.
[Tip] How do I break a plateau?
/u/LynCross [152.5cm | BMI: 24.4 | CW: 125lbs | GW: 110 lbs| UGW: 100 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 21:55:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mbldj/how_do_i_break_a_plateau/
---
This is driving me crazy. I'm just waiting for the swoosh but it's been days. My weight has been playing around 57-59kg.
I've read that people break it by eating normally for a day. Will that really break it? Will it end up as fat? I won't be able to take that.
Also, what is a maintenance?
[Discussion] What's your favorite protein bar? Suggestions.
/u/GhostChamele
Created: Sun Oct 7 21:53:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mbksl/whats_your_favorite_protein_bar_suggestions/
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[Help] I’m having a hard time believing tea or diet sodas are actually 0 calories?
/u/aliswho [Height: 5’9.5” | CW: 127.1lbs | GW: 99lbs | BMI: 18.7 | 16F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 21:43:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mbin1/im_having_a_hard_time_believing_tea_or_diet_sodas/
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They’re just both so good. Diet Pepsi is awesome but I’m scared to drink more than one a day because it might lead to weight gain, anyone else? Is it possible? Same with tea. It just tastes so good.
i'd do well in this family
/u/CompetitionEater
Created: Sun Oct 7 21:34:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mbgjr/id_do_well_in_this_family/
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Maybe some of you have seen this vid, but I just felt like I had to put it out there. The whole time I was just shaking at how much it felt like an ED fever dream.
https://youtu.be/kzq84EEcK9c
DAE eat baby food?
/u/ButtSteak69
Created: Sun Oct 7 21:29:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mbfgp/dae_eat_baby_food/
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I eat pureed baby food every day and a lot of toddler snacks. They are so low in calories while still giving me a little bit of nutrition. The only part is how hard it is to hide it from people. I end up pouring the puree into a small Tupperware and telling people its pudding or something normal... Feel a bit ashamed of it, but very curious if anyone else does this.
Can't stop binging
/u/hamalily
Created: Sun Oct 7 21:25:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mbeni/cant_stop_binging/
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I started a food diary this week. My weight's been the same for a year even though I feel like I'm always trying. Turns out I binge on more days than I don't. This week was especially bad. I'm fine during the day, and tell myself I'll make up for yesterday, but late at night I eat like 1000+ calories and go to bed feeling gross as hell. Then wake up, rinse, repeat. It's a wonder I'm not even fatter than I already am...
What should I do?
[Other] Idea for diet pills that actually work [joke]
/u/bingeyboa [5'0" | 98 | 19.1 | -19 | F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 21:19:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mbd6q/idea_for_diet_pills_that_actually_work_joke/
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So we all know an actual diet pill doesn't really exist, but I swear, I wish someone would make an all-in-one ana-in-a-bottle pill with magnesium, potassium, and sodium + caffeine, iron, B12, and melatonin so we could all just fast forever...
For the real hard-core types, you could get the kind that comes with an ECA stack...
​
It would be a MASSIVE pill.
Exercise during weight restoration?
/u/cakester710
Created: Sun Oct 7 20:52:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mb6t7/exercise_during_weight_restoration/
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Hi y'all,
I am a 5'6, 20 year-old female who currently weighs around 106 lbs. I recently began the weight restoration process, and am hoping to return to what I weighed before I began restricting/overexercising, which was around 115-120.
​
I am currently working with a dietician, and have increased my caloric intake. I was told to lay off the cardio (I was previously HIIT training 5-6 days per week), but I am extremely interested in resistance training. I am hoping that, along with fat, I can rebuild some of the muscle I lost through malnourishment.
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My question is-- at my current weight, is exercise recommended? Do any of you have experience with exercise during weight restoration? I find that it is easier for me to eat more if I lift for even \~30 min, but want to make sure I'm not sabotaging my efforts to get healthy.
​
Thanks!! :)
[Help] How can I stop my night eating?
/u/probably_light
Created: Sun Oct 7 20:26:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mb0ap/how_can_i_stop_my_night_eating/
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I’m back at square 1. I’m huge again. I can’t get back on track. I usually b/p a few times a week, but I haven’t even done that in over a week. I restrict all day for the most part, like literally eat nothing. Just drink G2 or water or vitamin water 0. But at night after I take my sleeping meds I can’t settle down until I eventually eat. Or I’ll wake up and get food half asleep and eat it like WHILE I’m sleeping. This has been an ongoing issue for like 3 years now but it’s at it’s worst now.
[Rant/Rave] Ughhh two day binge
/u/Scarab-Beetle
Created: Sun Oct 7 20:26:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mb072/ughhh_two_day_binge/
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I’ve been good about the binges, but the past two days? Oof. I gained a lot of weight over the summer and I’m trying to lose it all but I feel like I’m such a fat pig. I hope when I get back home for thanksgiving the scale gives me some relief.
[Discussion] Is there an ED meal prep sub?
/u/plasticpeonies
Created: Sun Oct 7 19:53:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mas25/is_there_an_ed_meal_prep_sub/
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In an attempt to save money and time and have another activity together, my partner and I are planning to start meal prepping next week. EXCEPT he's like 110 and needs to gain weight and I Do Not Need That, but he wants us to eat the same or similar foods (both because he thinks it'll help me recover and because he just likes the solidarity factor). So...I'm not exactly looking forward to that. The eating part of it, at least.
If this sub doesn't exist, does anyone have suggestions for handling this? Uuugghhhhh
[Help] This disorder is hell
/u/ihate-chicken [5’7” | CW:116 | 18.1 |]
Created: Sun Oct 7 19:36:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mao33/this_disorder_is_hell/
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I hate this fucking disorder. I hate this fucking disorder.
I just sat in my bed for two hours crying. I had a panic attack after dinner today because I ate a little bit of ice cream after not eating anything all day and working out for two hours.
THIS ISNT RATIONAL. But I legitimately could not stop myself from thinking it was the end of the world. I still feel like shit and I don’t want to eat for days. Why can’t I be normal. My friends had ice cream and I can hear them laughing in the room next door. I had ice cream and I’m going to bed at 8:30 and not finishing my homework because I am just so damn upset.
I want help. I don’t want help. I don’t know what to do.
i've never successfully purged before; tips please!
/u/edxxthrowawayxx
Created: Sun Oct 7 19:32:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9man0i/ive_never_successfully_purged_before_tips_please/
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im really annoyed because lately ive been having awful binges where i would just eat until i can barely breathe regularly, the only thing that stops me is my eating window (I do IF) and i proceed to try to purge and end up just standing over the toilet, gagging a few times and with saliva running down my arm for 10 minutes but nothing else.
i need tips for purging, please! i am tired of being nauseous every time i binge (which is..... almost every night)
[Discussion] Nosebleeds from purging
/u/angelakarui
Created: Sun Oct 7 19:30:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mammb/nosebleeds_from_purging/
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I purged the last few days and when I blew my nose after it was a little bloody, but today I ended my purging and I looked down and saw blood on my shirt and I blew my nose and there was a lot of blood. Is this normal and does this happen to anyone else? I never get nosebleeds so it’s kind of alarming
I got lost in a binge cycle...
/u/not-creative-enough-
Created: Sun Oct 7 19:24:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mal4r/i_got_lost_in_a_binge_cycle/
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Probably after a fast or birthday or something where I said just one more bite, you already ate. Every time I thought about eating less again I freaked out and got super anxious!! I’m now redirecting it and using it as motivation to fast/restrict. I feel so sick all the time. My stomach is constantly upset from overeating and heartburn. I just want it to stop. I just want to feel good
[Other] A moment of silence for all Canadians with ED's tonight
/u/skeletonsofawhale [5'2| 130| -55 | 18F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 19:17:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9majer/a_moment_of_silence_for_all_canadians_with_eds/
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Whether you have Anorexia, BED, Bulimia, or EDNOS, Thanksgiving is literally hell on earth for people with eating disorders. I'm fortunate enough to be co-hosting so I have all my meals planned out, and later on I'm literally going to cut everything up, weigh out my portions and pre-stir"fry" my veggies tonight with water to avoid any potential oil. If all goes well, I'm set to only be having 860 cals tomorrow but tbh I'm going to try to hit 1000 or even 1200 tomorrow bc they will probably force me to try the other shit, and I'll probably attempt purging for the first time ever (I have mild emetophobia) on top of all that as well. It will not be a fun day for me. I've been stressing out over this shit for weeks on end and I even had a full-on anxiety attack 3 nights ago while planning out the meal at 2:00 AM. I should consider myself lucky because I have a great family, I only have 1 event to cook and host for, and it's a small gathering, but I actually really want to fucking die right now.
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But for others, I'm sure some of you have dysfunctional families, and you might have to go to multiple events, and have to deal with shitty people. Not everyone got to plan out their meals, not everyone gets to weigh out their portions and pre-cook the night before, and for the bingers in here, I'm sure that this is also going to be an extremely hard holiday for y'all as well. Hang in there everyone!
[Help] US vs Europe/UK ‘ed products’ like Bronkaid?
/u/peaches-beach
Created: Sun Oct 7 19:10:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mahwo/us_vs_europeuk_ed_products_like_bronkaid/
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What useful ‘ed stuff’ (like Bronkaid) does the US have that Ireland doesn’t (think UK/Europe)?
A lovely friend from the US is sending me a care package that includes Bronkaid and chocolate lax so far but I need some other ideas for this rare opportunity!
Her other idea is vegan snacks (she knows I’m vegan & gluten intolerant), which I’ll save for special occasions.
I’m trying to think of what over the counter stuff exists in the US that’s not allowed here... or just weight loss products in general that we don’t have. Even food suggestions are ok if it’s something ‘ed-compatible’ (if that makes any sense).
[Discussion] Foods that make you feel full but not bloated?
/u/aswerefallingdown
Created: Sun Oct 7 19:04:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9mag6n/foods_that_make_you_feel_full_but_not_bloated/
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Lately, I've been feeling bloated after everything I eat. I don't know what it is but I hate feeling "full"/bloated/uncomfortable stomach. The foods that I eat most often are lots of tomatoes, bread stuffs/grains, sometimes carrots, sometimes meat, and other less common things.
I want to have a really flat stomach, like when you fast for a day or two, so I'll eat any nutrient dense food that more or less makes you full ish. I just don't know which foods that includes. T.i.a!
Yesterday I had a fantastic day. Today I turned it all to shit again.
/u/enviose
Created: Sun Oct 7 18:35:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ma9g8/yesterday_i_had_a_fantastic_day_today_i_turned_it/
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I just don’t understand. I went for a run yesterday, had a good OMAD and it was perfect.
Today I went for a run and I got so stressed with studying that I decided to do my OMAD earlier but then it snowballed into a really awful binge. I’m so thirsty but I’m too full to drink water.
I don’t know what I want anyone to say to me I just need to talk to people who can understand.
I hate myself. I’m so tired of fucking up like this. My New Years resolution was recovery and I’m still pulling this stupid shit all the time. Fuck me man, I want to be someone else.
[Discussion] BDD or Delusion?.
/u/ErinNeeka_
Created: Sun Oct 7 18:25:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ma70r/bdd_or_delusion/
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Okay like I have horrible body dysmorphia but everytime I'm at the doctor they use the children's blood pressure cuff and the nurse is like "you have tiny arms!" but I don't? And that's not just my warped self image speaking. It's make me wonder if I'm much smaller than I see myself even normally.
[Tip] Food for thought
/u/thingsarestranger [5’2” | CW:121 | GW1:115 | SW:160 | F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 18:16:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ma4lv/food_for_thought/
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One day or day one, you decide.
[Help] HELP! What do I order from bakery?!
/u/lostandlonley333
Created: Sun Oct 7 18:05:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ma1vz/help_what_do_i_order_from_bakery/
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Mum is taking me out for lunch today at a local bakery (menu attached). They literally only have pies and stuff and I have no clue what to order. Whats my best option in terms of lowest in calories?
Count out the zucchini slice cause she knows about my ED and will get suspicious if I order that cause I hate them.
https://i.redd.it/3ugu0klrruq11.png
Conflicting
/u/eloana12
Created: Sun Oct 7 17:47:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m9xhx/conflicting/
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Today is the anniversary of my fathers death. I have 0 appetite rn because of that sadness in my gnawing stomach. Too bad I’ve got an important tournament today :))
I’ll use this as motivation to well in the tournament, I want to do well for him.
today, i'm the heaviest i've ever been in my life.
/u/stinkyfern
Created: Sun Oct 7 16:35:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m9f4l/today_im_the_heaviest_ive_ever_been_in_my_life/
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brb, killing myself before i can get any fatter.
this shit is a runaway train. i thought i was doing *better* these past weeks and resisted weighing myself. i'm now officially obese.
idk whether to blame depression or bingeing anymore, it's all blended together for me.
Why do you want to be skinny/thin?
/u/invincibletitan33 [5'4.5 | 52kg | F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 16:13:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m99g4/why_do_you_want_to_be_skinnythin/
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Most of us have a reason/motivation for being thin.
Mine is I feel like if I'm skinnier, all my problems will get solved - people will like me more, I'll have more confidence, my money problems won't exist, and my family will go back to normal (my dad has Alzheimer's).
I know in reality, this isn't the case. But still, I just feel like being skinny would make my life a whole lot better.
Talked to my therapist...
/u/IDontLikeLollipops
Created: Sun Oct 7 16:05:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m976z/talked_to_my_therapist/
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I see my therapist pretty regularly, and I've been seeing him for a couple years and have always really liked him.
At the beginning of our session I explained to him my relapse into self harm/depression/disordered eating, told him what I thought the issues were (missing my internship squad and the freedom I had there).
Then he tried to help in the ways he normally tries to help. Suggested a bunch of options, some logical reasons I should stop, and everything like normal. But for some reason I was just SO ANNOYED.
Like I couldn't handle it so annoyed.
I'm considering cancelling our next session because I'm so annoyed with it.
I don't know why or what to do.
The eating holidays...
/u/meropeducis
Created: Sun Oct 7 16:01:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m95yd/the_eating_holidays/
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Does anyone else take thanksgiving and the other eating holidays, (Christmas, Halloween, etc) as fasting days? I feel like now that I’m an adult and can control my diet, I might as well also relax for the holidays.
Anyway, excited to hear what you all think!
[Rant/Rave] Two day bender
/u/yikeroniandcheese
Created: Sun Oct 7 15:45:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m91mf/two_day_bender/
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I went two days eating whatever I fucking wanted and now I’m legit sick and I went from 198 back to 200 I’ll end my shit if it isn’t just water weight lmao. I’ve been doing so good being vegan and shut but now I ruined it bc I wanted to get drunk. Anyways I haven’t eaten anything today to try and counter what I fucked up we shall see
I really think this is going to kill me (possible tw suicide)
/u/cherrycar [5'7 | CW too high | GW 108 | F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 15:26:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m8wkg/i_really_think_this_is_going_to_kill_me_possible/
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Hi everyone,
I just need to get some stuff off my chest so this is that haha. Ever since my ed started I've known I would never feel normal again but I didn't realize how bad it would be. I thought it would just be around food and stuff, which I can deal with I guess because in today's society everyone is fucking dieting anyway so whatever. But I didnt have a clue about all the other stuff that came with it, specifically anxiety, depression, and all the other fucking misery. There's not a moment that I'm not beating myself up in my head about how ugly I am, how dumb I sound when I talk, how much everyone is probably judging me and how much they can't stand me and how much my friends probably wish I wouldn't bother them anymore...
So then I isolate. Which, honestly, I like being alone. But the problem is, it seems like everyone else my age thrives on spending time with others and doing things as much as possible, and so when I continuously turn things down because of whatever reason (it involves food, or I just feel like a burden, or whatever) then it becomes a problem. But I can't break the cycle no matter how hard I try, because I feel like I'd rather cause myself pain by isolating and being lonely, than annoy others with my presence.
And the anxiety is crippling, specifically health anxiety. I have so many symptoms of different things and I am not sure if it's due to restriction (which is not super low in terms of amount rn but I'll go long-ish periods of time without eating...but eventually I get a decent amount of calories in. I'm like, people do IF and supposedly super healthy so i'm fine right!!?? right...lol) I'm worried my electrolytes, blood sugar, etc. are fucked, but then I keep NOT DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT like wtf. GET it together girl. The thing is I don't want to accept that it could be from not eating (bc i do not want to eat outside of my comfortable times and amounts and shit, you guys get it haha) but I don't know how to deal with the anxiety...every feeling I'm like oh god, is my heart finally giving out? Is it a stroke? Etc etc...ugh.
I really don't know what to do anymore. Every day I cry because I feel so ugly and sad, like I'll just look at a cute guy and it'll make me sad because I know no one will ever love me. Or i'll see a pretty girl and think wow I'll never look like her, I should just die because I'm so fucking hideous, I feel bad for all these people who have to look at me, thank god I can't see my face all the time.
Not a day goes by where I don't think about how much easier it would be for everyone if I wasn't around anymore. And yeah, I had my low moments before my ed but I really think all the anxiety started when everyone started telling me I was killing myself and I would die if I didn't recover. I just don't know what to do anymore.
​
If anyone read all this, thank you haha. I just needed to get it off my chest :)
Who's had a rough day today? (Trigger Warning - cptsd and assault)
/u/Throwthisaway512
Created: Sun Oct 7 15:23:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m8vun/whos_had_a_rough_day_today_trigger_warning_cptsd/
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So this has been a tough week for sure. Recovering from a concussion at work where I sadly had to quit. Lots of other stuff going on.
Anyways... Today I had mentally prepared for to eat anything because this was the first time in two months I was going to see a friend and he took me to lunch. Good guy. But when he kept bringing up an assault that happened a while ago I couldn't focus so I went to the bathroom to throw up. I never do that, I only restrict.
I come back to the half of the food I haven't puked and he's trying to help, I know. He wants to put a hurt on the bastard but after all the BS I had to endure from the police etc it's hard. Keep in mind there's police in the place were dining in and I'm already nervous and trying not to cry or make a scene. Then he asks for more proof in order to get him permanently banned from some social circles and I lose it. I know he believes me, that isn't the issue. I just don't feel comfortable giving out my police report so just anyone could read it. It felt like the incident all over again.
So I left. And walked. On a highway in the pouring rain in my flip flops (such an idiot lol) and I was dizzy and lightheaded enough. Couldn't walk the 12+ miles so eventually I called my bf. I just feel terrible.
All I want is some control. My bf wants me to eat. Made me eat to 870 last night and I did. I should be taking better care of myself but I can't. I just won't. I don't feel like I deserve it.
Now he's making burgers and I made sure to puke up the rest of what I had so I can at least see him smile. All I wanted was a normal day. Since my head injury I've felt so out of it and feel crazy. It isn't my fault. It isn't. But why do I feel like it is? I'm so alone. The only one person who cares and has my back is my bf. I don't want to make him not like me because I'm "too much to handle".
So who else just needs to have a break? Or just wants to vent? Or yell? I know I'm not the only one who just wants to run away. On a good note I've lost 10 llbs in a week.
(Thanks for reading and I'm sorry if I messed up spelling. This took a long time to wrote bc it's hard to look at a screen)
[Other] Fiber + Empty Stomach = Hell; TMI Warning
/u/TinyPorcelainDoll [25♀|4'10"|CW 121 lbs|HW 130|LW 97|UGW 86]
Created: Sun Oct 7 15:17:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m8u8b/fiber_empty_stomach_hell_tmi_warning/
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I'm posting this from my workplace bathroom as a possible warning.
I had skipped breakfast this morning and was hoping to skip lunch, but didn't because one of my coworkers was in the break room, and asked me, "Aren't you going to eat?"
So I bought a Fiber One bar from a vending machine. Within less than an hour of me eating it, I felt nauseous. So I kept running back and forth to the bathroom a few times before this last trip to the bathroom, informing my coworkers that I was feeling ill. [Graphic TMI Warning]
I have tried having BMs for the past hour for them to be very painfully slow and difficult. And as I try to have my BMs, I feel even more nauseous as I ... push. I feel I cannot wait another hour on the toilet. This is ridiculous.
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Update: I actually vomited and didn't force it. As soon as I was freshening up and getting ready to leave the toilet, I vomited acrid clear and whitish fluid with a few specks of red.
Possible factors:
1. I ate a fiber bar on an empty stomach.
2. I took two birth control pills on an empty stomach this morning. (I had accidentally skipped yesterday's pill.)
3. I had a spicy, heavy-ish dinner (andouille jambalaya) with a glass of red wine last night.
4. I am about 11 days into forced antidepressant withdrawal. (The next available doctor's appointment is in November).
[Rant/Rave] I just have to laugh
/u/whitechocolateonly [5'8" | CW: 128.2 & BMI: 19.5 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 15:05:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m8quh/i_just_have_to_laugh/
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Not really ED related (but maybe ED adjacent?)
My mom got scammed out of $120 by ordering those deherb “detox” pills and I just find it hilarious. She’s always getting on me about my diets, health, and how I “live off carbs” but this fool who worked in healthcare for YEARS helping insurance holders meet health goals insists that this cleanse will help her lose 20lbs. I read the directions and it said to follow an all raw food diet for the duration of the cleanse so it’s not the pills making her lose weight but she refuses to admit she wasted money. She keeps insisting it’s the pills. Out of all the wacko/quick fix/cleanse diets my mom has tried over the past 15 years this one sent me over the edge.
It’s just really amazing to me that people would rather spend hundreds of dollars to magically “cleanse” their body of fat than eat less of the food they’re already eating. Listen I might be sick but at least part of my brain lives in reality and I’m not letting myself get scammed.
I can't eat and I'm losing weight
/u/AdoredTart
Created: Sun Oct 7 14:31:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m8h3w/i_cant_eat_and_im_losing_weight/
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I don't think I have an eating disorder but I definitely need help. I've been off work since August with depression/stress however my appetite has literally disappeared. I've been to the doctors about it (UK) and asked if they can help with my eating and the straight up said no. I've lost 7 pounds within a week and I genuinely felt like I'd been doing better with eating this week. I just feel like I'm alone and nothing will ever change. I like the thought of food but when I feel hungry and start eating my stomach feels like it wants to reject the food. I feel a bit sick and it makes me waste the rest of the meal because even the smell of it at that point makes me nauseous. I've tried protein drinks to try and gain weight and get some nutrients etc but I feel sick after a few sips. It's like my stomach cannot hold much more than 1 small apple a day. I'm 20 and have dropped down to 49kg. My family and boyfriend are all aware and try get me to eat more but this has gone on for so long now that I'm starting to worry about my health and my GP will not get involved. No one takes me too seriously because I'm skinny and generally people want to lose weight not bitch about losing it or want to gain it. Anyone's thoughts on this would really be appreciated!
Feeling gross
/u/lilmisssuccubus
Created: Sun Oct 7 14:27:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m8fr1/feeling_gross/
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At my parents house with my fiancé for the weekend. We have been just eating and eating and not really moving around. I go to the gym almost every day and not being able to go is stressing me out. My fiancé and I are supposed to drive back home any time now and I’m just sitting here anxious wondering what I’ll make for dinner and if I will still have the energy/willpower to work out when we get home. My engagement ring is tighter today from all of the salt and it’s really messing with my head.
ED and brittle nails... arghhh
/u/yummmacncheezz
Created: Sun Oct 7 14:13:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m8bk3/ed_and_brittle_nails_arghhh/
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my nails keep breaking off and it’s so freaking annoying. i use to eat below 800 but now i’m actually trying to gain a little weight back and have been eating over a thousand calories. however my nails are still breaking off... what can i do??? multi vitamins don’t seem to be helping either.
[Discussion] The scale game
/u/castingsessionpod [5'10" | CW: 185?| UGW: 160 | Male]
Created: Sun Oct 7 13:49:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m84hz/the_scale_game/
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So as you can see from my flair, I don't even know my exact weight right now. I've gone through so many phases of how I use a scale. (3 times a day, once a day, once a week, only when fasting, etc. etc. etc.) most recently I've just refused to get on even though I've been restricting and losing weight.
I'm curious to hear what everyone's approach is and why they think it helps or they like it. Also welcome is anyone talking about their issues with weighing themselves obv.
[Rant/Rave] A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down
/u/Internal-Panic
Created: Sun Oct 7 13:36:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m80nt/a_spoonful_of_sugar_helps_the_medicine_go_down/
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So I'm ill. Like coughing up a lung, massive headache, slept for 18 hours yesterday, sore throat, fever, all that jazz ill. No problem. I'll take DayQuil move along. I've been on it for the past couple days, every 4-6 hours like clockwork. Except I just now thought to google the calories in DayQuil. 90 CALORIES PER SERVING. OH MY GOD. Guess I'll just die...
[Help] Fantasizing about going back
/u/fish110 [5'4"|CW125|GW110|F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 13:35:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m80az/fantasizing_about_going_back/
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I can;t stop fantasizing about going back in time and not going down this path. It started out as worrying about acne from puberty (looking back now it was barely anything), then the acne spread to my back and chest, then to compulsive skin picking took over. I gained 15 pounds over the last year and now I can't stop thinking about food, I don't know whether I should eat, and I dream about starving and going back to how I was before. Every second of the day I am thinking about the past. Like I would see a video on youtube and be like "oh, i wish I could travel back to when this video was posted because I was skinny back then blah blah blah..." It's killing me and I can't do anything about it. I literally search up movie release dates and actor's ages so that I can think "Oh i wanna trAvel back to when that actor was 15" or I want to travel back "towhen that movie was released." I don't know how to stop. I'm stuck in the past.
the scariest stage of a restrictive pattern: disinterest in food
/u/2fckk
Created: Sun Oct 7 13:20:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m7vqo/the_scariest_stage_of_a_restrictive_pattern/
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I've relapsed since attempted recovery. I do spend a lot of time thinking about food and avoiding food and contemplating food and fantasizing about food etc etc etc etc.
​
BUT, there are these month long periods of time where I lose interest in food all together. I guess it is a result of long-term high restriction with extremely "clean foods". I don't crave sweets, I don't crave hot foods. They haven't touched my pallet in so long. My days are spent eating raw fruits and veggies and plain bread. Nuts and oats occasionally. My hunger cues are gone. The only thing I get is the occasional nausea that passes pretty quickly. With no hunger cues and no cravings, the hours pass without food. The less I eat, the deeper the disinterest. It's quite scary because it doesn't feel effortful. I'm effortlessly losing weight. And while this SHOULD be a dream come true, it feels more like a death sentence since I'm not choosing not to eat....I cannot eat.
[Rant/Rave] Lol fuck me
/u/BigFrameSkinnyAddict
Created: Sun Oct 7 13:09:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m7sg7/lol_fuck_me/
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At my aunts baby shower had a shit ton of dip and veggies, fruit salad, a chicken salad crossiont, a slice of strawberry bundt cake, and a cupcake ahhh yep high restriction next week yep fuck me
[Rant/Rave] Working at a restaurant?!?!?!
/u/mustaird
Created: Sun Oct 7 13:04:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m7qzh/working_at_a_restaurant/
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Anyone else work at a restaurant where the food is so good and you have to be so strong to not eat anything? I work at Pizza Hut (my favorite pizza) and I’m allowed a $1 personal pan every shift and it’s so hard for me not to get it! Sometimes I cave and while it’s not that disastrous (only about 600 calories), I usually can’t bring myself to eat again the rest of the day. So frustrating
[Rant/Rave] Rollercoaster... today I'm hopeful?
/u/NeutralSmithHotel [6'1.4 | CW: 179 | BMI: 23.4 | Weight Lost: -191| M]
Created: Sun Oct 7 12:47:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m7l9x/rollercoaster_today_im_hopeful/
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Dude this recovery think is crazy... I feel like every other day I'm a different person. Yesterday I started out buying some bigger clothes to aid for recovery and then just thought about restricting all day and harming myself for eating more calories earlier in the week. Today, I'm all about recovery and think it will be easy to stop thinking about food... maybe I'll even stop counting calories? ... \*sigh\*. I think I'm getting better overall, but the swings are pretty hard.
Just ate a jar of pickles, is that okay to do occasionally or is it bad because of the sodium??
/u/dxylightt [5’2 | 119 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 12:26:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m7dr5/just_ate_a_jar_of_pickles_is_that_okay_to_do/
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I was feeling bingey today, my parents went grocery shopping and stocked up on a LOT of food. I asked them to get me my own jar of pickles (5 calories, 10 servings = 50 cals a jar), and then proceeded to eat the entire thing after consuming my planned intake for the day because I didn’t want to eat anything else really calorific.
I was always told to steer clear of pickles because of the sodium content, but if I were to eat a ton of chocolate and candy and pizza during a binge, I’d probably be consuming the same amount of sodium anyways so ??
Idk, is eating a jar when I’m feeling bingey bad to do? It’s weird for my brain to be like “pickles r bad” out of all foods, but ED logic never makes sense, so. Btw, I don’t weigh myself so I don’t care about water retention, I’m more just worried about the high sodium content.
[Discussion] DAE find they purge for a few days immediately before a heavy restriction phase?
/u/gigi-has-issues [5'9"| CW 155| GW 115| F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 11:39:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m6xta/dae_find_they_purge_for_a_few_days_immediately/
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I've been really down because I've let myself go, eating tons of shit and not purging or exercising or anything. I've gained 10lbs. Today for the first time in months, I got the overwhelming urge to make myself vomit and I purged what I had eaten. In a sick way, I'm excited because I know that this means I'm about to double down on restricting. It's like a canary in the coal mine.
I've noticed a pattern that every heavy restriction phase is immediately proceeded by a purging phase (even just one or two days) like this. Does anyone else have this?
I've been really down because I've let myself go, eating tons of shit and not purging or exercising or anything. I've gained 10lbs. Today for the first time in months, I got the overwhelming urge to make myself vomit and I purged what I had eaten. In a sick way, I'm excited because I know that this means I'm about to double down on restricting.
I've noticed a pattern that every heavy restriction phase is immediately proceeded by a purging phase (even just one or two days) like this. Does anyone else have this?
[Discussion] DAE have a purging phase IMMEDIATELY proceeding their restriction phase?
/u/gigi-has-issues [5'9"| CW 155| GW 115| F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 11:37:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m6x6u/dae_have_a_purging_phase_immediately_proceeding/
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I've been really down because I've let myself go, eating tons of shit and not purging or exercising or anything. I've gained 10lbs. Today for the first time in months, I got the overwhelming urge to make myself vomit and I purged what I had eaten. In a sick way, I'm excited because I know that this means I'm about to double down on restricting.
​
I've noticed a pattern that every heavy restriction phase is immediately proceeded by a purging phase (even just one or two days) like this. Does anyone else have this?
Is it worth it?!
/u/baebaeboy
Created: Sun Oct 7 11:33:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m6vzx/is_it_worth_it/
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Ive been reading about this weight loss system alot lately. Just wondering if any of you guys have tried it. If so what was your experience with it??
https://twitter.com/rogerbailey77/status/1046530612448964609
[Rant/Rave] I don't feel I have a valid ED and I want to cry
/u/HonestSpeak
Created: Sun Oct 7 11:27:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m6ufy/i_dont_feel_i_have_a_valid_ed_and_i_want_to_cry/
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I've never been diagnosed with anything and my mind is pelting me with horrible thoughts because of this. It's too much.
I told my online friend (who also has an ED) that I just feel like giving up and eating because I'm so tired. What I didn't tell her was that I feel like I can't because the second anything touches my tongue I'll gain weight.
She told me that because I have these thoughts of wanting to throw in the towel, I can't possibly really have an ED, I'm faking it and I shouldn't talk to people like her who really have EDs.
I've never felt this invalid in my life and I just want to cry until I'm nothing.
Because I'm not really struggling with an ED apparently.
Confession / Unpopular Opinion
/u/rspades [5’4” | 102 | 17.5 | -50 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 11:06:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m6odn/confession_unpopular_opinion/
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I don’t know how comfortable I am sharing this with you all...but I feel that the principles of honesty dictate that I must....
I think red and orange 0 cal monster are better than white. Fight me on this
[Rant/Rave] my logic
/u/milovsflo
Created: Sun Oct 7 11:00:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m6mkc/my_logic/
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uhm this could be a little nsfw? i’m honestly not sure.
so my boyfriend hasn’t been initiating... things lately. he’s depressed so he isn’t really thinking about that thing and i understand, really. but then ed is telling me that it’s not his depression, i’m just fat and not sexy enough so if i lose enough weight then he’ll initiate things again! another reason to starve, yay!!
[Rant/Rave] Can’t y’all understand?
/u/minicemilo [167cm| CW:51kg| BMI:18.3 | GW:47kg| Gender:F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 10:40:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m6glz/cant_yall_understand/
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When my ED got worse, i went to my school counsellor for help because I looked very sick and was dropping weight too rapidly. My counsellor was fine. It was the nurse. Omgoshshshhshs. She literally asked me to uninstall the calorie tracking app im using so i would stop tracking my calories. When matters got worse, she kind of blamed me for not listening to her?(She asked me to eat more). Likeeeee, do you know what’s going on in my head? Do you know that everyday is a struggle to even eat something?
Then came another jackass. This “fitness trainer” apparently, was trying to sell his product so he asked me about my diet. Welp i told him what i ate and he checked the level of fat in my coronary arteries as well(I scored 1 which is the healthiest). ANYWAYS HE ASKED ME WHY AM I SO HEALTHY FOR MY AGE. Told him I had ED. OMG. HE SAID. “i wont call this a disorder...” LIKE yea not a disorder. Totally didn’t get forced to go to the hospital. LIKE STOP JUST BECAUSE IT’S FREAKING RARE TO SEE SOMEONE WITH AN ACTUAL ED, DOES’NT MEAN NO ONE HAS IT LIKE COME ON.
Alright thanks for reading i just needed to rant so back because it’s battle and understand that people without freaking ED voices bringing your self-esteem the hell down every single day.
[Rant/Rave] I just need to get it off my chest tw: suicidal thoughts but not really
/u/anayoungforever
Created: Sun Oct 7 10:19:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m6a62/i_just_need_to_get_it_off_my_chest_tw_suicidal/
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I know it's emotional support post (ig?) butI don't think I can wait until Thursday...
I've had ed behaviours since I was 12, it developed like everything in my life, talents, relationships, self-awareness.
Last year was pretty crazy for me, I moved out, was getting my diploma, went to work, began living with my long distance partner of a couple of years. Earlier, it was easy for me to count calories, to purge, to work out a bit (even though I'm hella lazy and working out is about 10x harder for me than restricting, much thanks to the fact I attended sports school and am pretty rich in muscle tissue).
Now, I didn't weight myself until last spring, for about 6-8 months and surprise I was heavier than ever. I've passed the 100kg mark which broke me inside and since then I'd rather d*e than start losing weight or exercising again bc I hate about 15kgs to lose to be normal weight. Now I'm obese and should lose almost half my weight. I went to a hospital for a thorough medical check since the gain was pretty rapid, and I do have some hormonal problems, but that only made me believe I'll just grow old and die obese. Because thats how it is... I don't know what to do because I used to be able to live healthily or restrict if I gained by accident but now I don't even know where to start or if to start at all.
I've been binging the whole summer because. Although I had everything- my diploma, a loving partner, a new, well paid job, I didn't care about all of it. I'm fat and I hate that I can't and won't spend money on pretty clothes or lingerie. On hobby, on trips. I don't post pictures on social media and although it's stupid, I wish I could just post my picture on Instagram and not delete it a second after, panicking people will think I'm fat and ugly, even though they see me in real life sometimes. I never orgasm bc during sex I only think about my disgusting body. I cook a lot but my partner doesn't really eat a lot so I end up eating most of it bc I hate throwing food away.
We went to see some places this summer but I refused to be on pictures together not to see how huge I am next to my partner. I couldn't save on something nice for their birthday bc I've eaten all the money out. I feel like I'm addicted to food and I want to stop but I can't... I don't really go out except to work and classes so I often stay in and eat.
Idk what to do bc I won't harm myself for real bc I love my newly earned money but I wish I didn't spend it all on food, thinking I can eat since I'll either diet or die in the end so I've nothing to lose except happiness and dignity.
That's it. I just really needed to let it out because no one can hear me saying it out loud.
[Discussion] Seasonal depression
/u/Yoni1660
Created: Sun Oct 7 10:14:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m68qq/seasonal_depression/
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Anyone else get seasonal depression? It’s bad enough I have an eating disorder, now I want to kill myself. I’m only going to eat a can of soup today after work because my brain keeps telling me I don’t deserve to eat. Needless to say I’m going to be dropping pounds fast.
[Help] Anybody have experience on drinking alcohol while “fasting”
/u/sunnshine67 [5'3 Vamp | CW135 23.9 | SW165 | GW115 | ]
Created: Sun Oct 7 10:03:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m65lh/anybody_have_experience_on_drinking_alcohol_while/
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I’m planning on doing a three day “ fast” to make up for this weekend at my parents house. My friends want to go out for ladies night as a club on one of the days and I’m okay with giving a couple of hundred cals to vodka sodas but I’m worried that drinking on a food empty stomach is dangerous, does anybody have an experience while drinking on a food fast?
[Rant/Rave] i hate work
/u/everybhodyhurt
Created: Sun Oct 7 09:40:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m5yvr/i_hate_work/
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so last week, i posted about one of the dudes at my job that saw me come out of the bathroom after purging. he asked me the other day if i was feeling better, said next time if i have “flu like symptoms” i should talk to him and he would make sure they would let me out early. i promised to myself i would stop b/p’ing. i told myself i need to keep the ED shit on the DL like i used to back in high school. today i came in and my team lead stopped me. she told me we got new shirts to wear and asked me what size i was.
look, ive always hated giving my size to people. im so self conscious, i mean nothing new in this sub but you know how that is. she was like “i dunno, we have a 3x if you want.. or...” and she was mumbling some other stuff. when she offered me a fucking THREE FUCKING X i screamed in my mind. i literally burnt my hand with hot water because i was so out of it. im not the tiniest. thanks to all the binging and purging....
but im not GIANT. i can fit a large, sometimes a med. It really depends on the fabric yknow. Now all I can think about is how fat she thinks I am lol rip. What bothers me is she isn’t even tiny....
she’s bigger than me by like 3 times.
Idk i just feel like shit and I’m going to fast :’)
[Help] I'm scared to label it
/u/LynCross [152.5cm | BMI: 24.4 | CW: 125lbs | GW: 110 lbs| UGW: 100 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 09:39:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m5ylz/im_scared_to_label_it/
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I have this safety net that I don't have ED even if I heavily restrict and obsess with my body, but somebody told me there's such a thing as EDNOS. Not having a label on this makes me comfy, it makes me feel like there's nothing to worry about and I'm just losing weight.
Dr threatened to tube me
/u/strayclouds [5'4" | CW 97 | BMI 16.7 | GW 90|F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 09:17:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m5s7g/dr_threatened_to_tube_me/
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I'm on mobile but I guess this is a discussion or help???
Week started off with the Dr threatening to tube me (ng tubing) if I don't gain weight over the next two weeks. I'm medically stable so idk if that's even allowed bc I'm 18. If anyone has any experience or knows anything else please let me know bc I don't know what to do. My first plan of action was to starve to death but I don't have enough time to do that and I don't think my boss would appreciate that especially bc I work with knives (Don't want to think about how many accidents that would cause). I don't know what to do, I'm trying to convince myself to gain or even maintain but I don't have the motivation to eat that much. I'm going to try to "recover" and go to residential (not my choice lol but I can't go back to college unless I do yayyy) and im supposed to maintain until all of that gets sorted out but I just don't see a point in trying to eat if i'm going to be forced to eat there anyways. Sorry if this is really whiny or stupid but I just have no one to talk to bc all my friends are "too busy and I'm just really lost.
[Rant/Rave] fat
/u/zeneith [5'7 | CW 147.7 | BMI 22.6 | SW 211.6| UGW 110]
Created: Sun Oct 7 08:59:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m5n37/fat/
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been bingeing due to stress and it doesnt help i just ate two carb heavy bread from the bakery before bed :):) they werent even good but i was just feeling shitty. now i bet ill be so bloated and weigh even more after these binges
sorry for the rant
Finally got to weigh myself. Semi-recovery is weird.
/u/just-a-mess [15M | bulimic in quasi recovery | 5'5" | 115.6]
Created: Sun Oct 7 08:33:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m5gdl/finally_got_to_weigh_myself_semirecovery_is_weird/
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I weighed at 115 with a thick hoodie and shorts on. I'm guessing 114 would be my naked weight, so that puts me at a bmi of 19 (I don't trust that new calculator BS).
I don't know how to feel. I think I've lost a bit, probably because I purge so much, usually two or three times a day.
It's so weird to be in semi recovery. I track all my food in cronometer, and not counting stuff I purge, I get around 1400-2000 per day. that number would've made me sob a year ago. but im just... content with it. I think I'm losing slowly, like a pound a month, and it's enough to keep me sane
but binging kills me so hard. I lie to my parents so much about it, and it makes me so suicidal, not gonna lie. I lie about that too.
I don't know y'all... I miss this place but I can't restrict truly because of my meal plan and parents and if I restrict, I end up binging.
maybe I'll aim more for 1500. slightly more loss, I guess.
but at the same time as all of this, I want to gain muscle. I might be starting testosterone (I'm trans) in the next year, which will raise my TDEE. I'm hoping to use that as an excuse to lose weight... but I also work out three times a week and sort of want to be more muscular.
I don't know.
my life is confusing.
My life is falling apart and
/u/KitteeChaos
Created: Sun Oct 7 08:30:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m5fo8/my_life_is_falling_apart_and/
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I'm going to use the depression and self loathing brought on by my shit circumstances as motivation to better myself by not eating and finally getting to the unhealthy low weight I've been striving for. uhm yay? Seriously tho why can I only lose weight when I thoroughly hate myself.
[Rant/Rave] Smooth move tea worked
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 |CW 118 | GW 115 | GW 105-110 | F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 08:15:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m5byp/smooth_move_tea_worked/
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I made it with two tea babe and had some mild cramping. But most of the binge food I ate yesterday is out of my system. Should I drink another cult tonight or should I wait?
Feeling immense anxiety after two day mega binge
/u/ameliasophia [5'3 | 106.2 | 18.8 | GW: 90| F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 08:14:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m5bvj/feeling_immense_anxiety_after_two_day_mega_binge/
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Just need to rant.
​
I was doing well for so long and then this weekend everything went out the window to the extreme. Dinner party last night was when I lost control - I managed to not eat until desert and then I had a bit of ice cream and something in me just flipped. I ate an entire tub of ben and jerrys and a huge bag of after dinner chocolates. Next day went to a family lunch at a buffet of all places and just carried on the sugar binge with cakes, marshmallows, waffles, croissants, all dipped in a chocolate fountain, macaroons, pastries. It was so much food and I just couldn't stop. And then we left and I thought okay phew I'm out of there now I can stop. But then we went to the birthday party of a five year old millionaire heiress (literally like something out of Crazy Rich Asians - I'm living in Singapore at the moment and I have never met people this rich in my life). Oh my god. There were waiters there were chefs, there was a fucking ice cream cart. There were plates piled high with cookies, chocolate moose, strawberry cupcakes, other cupcakes. I ate another buffet of indian food and even though I felt literally sick I just didn't stop. Even when I could tell I didn't want anymore, another cake would come out and I'd think 'oh I have to at least try this one'.
​
I'd estimate that I probably ate around 8,000+ calories in the past 24 hours. I have never eaten this much in my life. I'm actually terrified by the amount that I have eaten. This morning I had fear to step onto the scales but was relieved to see I hadn't gained weight after the dinner party binge. Now I'm so so scared. I feel like crying. But I know what I need to do. I can make up for this indiscretion by restricting even harder than I was before. I've had maybe three weeks of every day sub 1000, most days sub 500, some days sub 200. Now its going to have to be more like every day sub 500, most days sub 200, some days 0. I'm mad at myself for the binge, but I know that my problem is even eating a little bit of something bad in the first place. Once I break my fast/eat something slightly naughty then the floodgates are open. So I'm just going to have to have a zero tolerance policy on these foods that trigger binges from now on (basically anything that isn't berries or vegetables).
​
Sorry for the wall of text I'm just in a really messed up place right now and I can't even fathom the amount of food that I've consumed these past 24 hours.
[Rant/Rave] The smooth mov tea worked
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 |CW 118 | GW 115 | GW 105-110 | F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 08:14:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m5bt1/the_smooth_mov_tea_worked/
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I made it with two tea babe and had some mild cramping. But most of the binge food I ate yesterday is out of my system. Should I drink another cult tonight or should I wait?
[Rant/Rave] I wish I didn’t work around food
/u/Yoni1660
Created: Sun Oct 7 08:14:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m5bsn/i_wish_i_didnt_work_around_food/
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I work in a grocery store which would be fine but I do samples and work in the bakery and it is hell. I would probably be 10-20 pounds lighter. It’s worse here than when I worked at Taco Bell. Anyone else have to work around tempting food?
[Rant/Rave] My friendstarted calorie counting
/u/bvad4780
Created: Sun Oct 7 08:13:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m5biz/my_friendstarted_calorie_counting/
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I calorie count too but I didn’t know it was as bad as it is. She knows I know A BIT about it so she talks to me about it. I didn’t realize how far gone I was. I didn’t realize how much I count calories or how much it means to me. I know the exact count of every single food I eat. She asked me how many calories in a extra large Diet Coke from 7-11 and I almost laughed because it’s obviously 0. Her daily intake limit is 1800 and she keeps talking about how low that is. Her food diary only accounts for half the food she eats. (She’ll input a bagel, but won’t input the cream cheese.) I know this is really detailed but her inexperience just highlighted how much I do this myself, and just how important calorie counting is for me, it scared me a bit to realize how bad it was. Seeing the food diary of someone who doesn’t have disordered eating is also scary when I think about my own and how minimal my eating really is
DAE end up using their savings to fund their binges?
/u/OkWorking7
Created: Sun Oct 7 08:02:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m58w1/dae_end_up_using_their_savings_to_fund_their/
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Lol so like spending an average of $10-25 most days of the week on top of just daily expenses really adds up fast and means I end up having to go into my holiday savings to pay my bills. Why am I like this. Why am I so disgusting. Anyway I guess I've planned out all my food again for the week, both with calories and money. The thing is actually sticking to it.
Is it worth it?!
/u/baebaeboy
Created: Sun Oct 7 07:50:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m5640/is_it_worth_it/
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Ive been reading about this weight loss system alot lately. Just wondering if any of you guys have tried it. If so what was your experience with it??
https://twitter.com/rogerbailey77/status/1046530612448964609
[Rant/Rave] [RANT] I hate the "new confidence" argument
/u/hammerprice [5'11" | obese | -22lb | 27F | vegan | inbox always open to talk!]
Created: Sun Oct 7 07:49:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m55z7/rant_i_hate_the_new_confidence_argument/
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Whenever people share stories about how they're treated after losing weight vs. before the regular weightloss subreddits are almost tripping over themselves to assure them it's because of their "new confidence." Nooo, of course people weren't treating you badly when you were heavier! It's just that you're so much happier with yourself now, and THAT'S why people treat you better!
Having better self image and more confidence is attractive so it's definitely a factor. But I hate people acting like it's the ONLY factor and ignoring that people do legit treat you better the thinner you are, whether they mean to or not. People accept behavior from attractive/thin people that would NOT slide if they were heavy. Also it's possible to lose heaps of weight and still have zero confidence yet still get treated better.
IDK why people keep saying this, it's right up there with "don't worry, NOBODY is looking at you or making fun of you in the gym/at the pool/when you eat! I promise!" At least that's meant to be encouraging, even if we can attest it's not true. Who does it help to ignore that society will treat you better if you're thinner?? Like let's not lie, that's why we're all on loseit, deep down.
Sorry if this is off topic but I felt like you guys would relate more than any of the "healthy" weightloss subs :/
[Rant/Rave] that moment when u find out ur scale is off by 3 pounds (in a good way)
/u/fweakybby [5’5” | 132| 22.0 | 68lbs | F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 07:21:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m4zq1/that_moment_when_u_find_out_ur_scale_is_off_by_3/
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i went to the doctor and they weighed me in at 125. i weighed myself in the morning at home and got 128.5. fuck yeah.
[Discussion] body dysmorphia?
/u/tiflis
Created: Sun Oct 7 06:40:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m4qm6/body_dysmorphia/
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I’m not sure if this counts as body dysmorphia or how to describe it, but does anyone else feel like what they see in the mirror is totally different than how they actually *feel * in their body? And how their body feels to touch?
I can look in the mirror and pretty much see myself accurately, I think. There’s been points where I “objectively” did think I could stand to gain weight, even. But even at those weights I feel much larger than I know I look. When I touch certain parts of my body I get disgusted and anxious, even if those parts look fine and even good in the mirror. Somehow I’m only comfortable touching my boniest and most muscular bits, but anything that feels soft grosses me out and makes me want to keep restricting. The whole idea of body dysmorphia equating to seeing a whale in the mirror no matter how small you are hasn’t really rung true for me. Yet I look down at myself or feel my stomach and I seem enormous.
[Rant/Rave] Finally in the 120s!
/u/linedryonly [5'5| C130 | G110 | L102 | -15]
Created: Sun Oct 7 06:38:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m4qcw/finally_in_the_120s/
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Damn, the 130s were terrible and I was stuck there for like 4 months. The number on the scale is finally going down consistently-praise be!
[Intro] I don't even want to be skinny; what am I doing?
/u/victorfrankensteins [5'2| F 🌺]
Created: Sun Oct 7 06:37:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m4q0t/i_dont_even_want_to_be_skinny_what_am_i_doing/
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I've been having a lot of thoughts, so I might as well use the side account I made for this kind of stuff.
​
I kept being scared to post here because I'm clearly choosing to have these disordered thoughts, right? I'm new to this and I should get out while I can, right? But at the same time I know that's not true. I've been stressed about weight since I was nine. I restricted and binged in middle school all the time. When I lost my appetite from surgery in high school or from accidentally under eating my first year of university, I was happy that normal amounts of food made me sick. I've never never never had a healthy relationship with food.
​
But at the same time, I've never felt disordered, or more like I couldn't call myself that. I read all those eating disorder instagrams and tumblrs in middle school, but I didn't feel the same about so many things. I didn't think heavier people were ugly. I didn't want to puke at the smell of food. I couldn't go a day on only water. I've never smoked or done drugs; I barely drink and can't even have caffeine (I'm allergic to it). And if those things how your eating disorder manifests, I don't look down on it or think I'm better. I just think it's affected me that I never felt like my disordered thoughts were disordered enough for such arbitrary, possibly stereotypical, reasons.
​
Looking back, maybe I was a 'not like other girls' type of kid. Maybe I still am. But it didn't make me feel happy or better than anyone. It just made me feel alone. I wanted to talk to people who I could relate to who had the same problems as me. I know they exist, but I was too scared to open up to people. I don't have a lot of experience having close relationships. Having the (not even super active) social life I have now feels so overwhelming.
​
And I'm not skinny. I'm overweight. That's not the weird part, plenty of people with eating disorders are, but the weight I want to be is like, on the heavier side of a healthy BMI. Because I legitimately feel like that will look good and feel good. So am I even disordered at all? Maybe I'm just obsessed with the number. Maybe it comes from my anxiety. Maybe it's a control thing; I don't know. But I'm not eating all day so I can have dinner with people tonight and not hate myself.
​
I'm in a serious relationship for the first time in my life with the most amazing person I know. (Technically I'm skyping them now but they're asleep. Time zones are fun.) I feel guilty not telling them about it. I know they'd understand and support me, but I feel like I don't deserve their help until I'm thinner. So yeah.
​
All of this is so strange to type out. I still feel like I'm writing about someone else. But I'm glad I did type it all out. I hope things get better, but I'm taking it a day at a time for now. And to anyone who read all this, thank you. I hope everyone in this community has more good days than bad in the coming months. I feel like that's the best thing to hope for. <3
i have no idea what i am
/u/totoro3333
Created: Sun Oct 7 06:20:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m4mtb/i_have_no_idea_what_i_am/
---
so. im starting to think i might have a mild eating disorder.
however it’s like really complicated and sometimes i don’t believe myself so i thought i’d talk to you guys about it????
my main question comes from the fact that i think a lot of my eating issues come from food anxiety and a desire to control, and not an extreme desire to be thin. i do have weight related fears and im terrified of gaining but i also don’t feel like “oh i cant eat this bc i’ll gain”, i feel more like “i can’t eat this because i have nausea because im terrified of eating in front of people and im terrified of losing control.” for reference, i’m a bit overweight, like 10 lbs, but it’s not something that makes me extremsly upset anymore.
because some days i restrict, usually to like one meal a day, but it won’t be conscious - i’ll restrict, but it’s because my food anxiety gave me nausea and i can’t even think of eating right now. some days i’ll restrict just so i can tell myself how little i ate that day and it feels AMAZING. i love that feeling of control. i love turning down food and looking like i have my shit together.
but some days i’ll eat completely normally. i’ll go out with the one friend i can eat in front of lol and eat at a restaurant, which is a HUGE anxiety of mine (eating at restaurants). i’ll be totally fine! but other days i can’t eat at all. im nauseous and scared and i love being lightheaded.
i don’t know what i am. if im lying to myself. i feel like a fraud. am i even allowed to be on this sub?
[Sticky] Sunday: Share your latest grocery+food hauls!
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Oct 7 06:11:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m4l3h/sunday_share_your_latest_groceryfood_hauls/
---
Feel welcome to post pics of your latest and greatest hauls~! Consider adding commentary on:
* what country you're in
* what store, site, market or Co-op you shopped at
* how much you spent or any sweet deals you found
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! October 07, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Oct 7 06:11:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m4l2n/daily_food_diary_october_07_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for October 07, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
i don't want to get thinner but i can't stop
/u/TrickRegret
Created: Sun Oct 7 06:00:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m4ixi/i_dont_want_to_get_thinner_but_i_cant_stop/
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i feel like i might be one of the few people with this illness who prefers being curvy, being 'thicc'. this morning i was looking at old photos of myself, and i just felt awash with sadness. i love how soft my tummy looks, the feminine curves i had - going in at the waist, out at the hips. the thighs, the ass. yet there i was, not even 20 minutes ago, weighing out 100g of boiled carrots for my lunch.
i want to cry, because i don't want to get anymore thin and bony and waif-like, i can see my ribs and my knees knock into each other when i sleep, my wrists are smaller than 6 inches etc etc but i can't stop and i don't know how to. i've never been in recovery before and i'm honestly afraid of it.
i've tried to 'force' myself to eat, but i just end up spitting food in the bin after chewing it twice, because i can't stomach the thought of it in my mouth, headed for my guts.
i try and 'eat more' in general, like eating a whole 80 calorie biscuit instead of making it last *eight days* by taking the tiniest bite out of it each morning when i have my cup of tea.
the stress of this illness is making me sick, too. i'm so worried about the lasting effects it may have on my body. i want children for crying out loud, and lots of them. how will i carry them and give birth and be a good mother and breast feed them when my body is like this with no sign of getting better?
i just feel this biting emptiness inside me.
there's something making it worse, too. a comment my best friend made. he was out shopping with his fiance, and when he got home, i asked how it went. he said she couldn't find what she wanted, because she's *tiny*. i knew she was petite, but that word was like a punch in the gut. and before i could stop myself, i was asking him what she weighed and how tall she was. 98lbs. 5ft 4in. and the sickness in me said 'there it is, that's your goal. that's a great goal. we'll stop when we get there.'
is there a reset button in my brain i can reach into and push lol
I drank alllllllllll the juice... Before I read realised what it was
/u/Jellygator0
Created: Sun Oct 7 05:39:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m4ffu/i_drank_alllllllllll_the_juice_before_i_read/
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It was prune juice y'all. I've never had it before... Thought it was a vegetable/fruit blend.
My first hint was about 2 hours later and I haven't left the bathroom all night.
[Discussion] Just looking to see if people relate
/u/melpowe
Created: Sun Oct 7 05:30:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m4e6o/just_looking_to_see_if_people_relate/
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So I just took a bath and I’m laying in bed naked and I was comfortable until I looked at myself and saw my stomach. So I put a pillow on my stomach then got really sad because of how high my pillow was sitting. Does anyone relate because I love laying in bed naked it’s so comfortable but I absolutely hate seeing my naked body.
[Intro] No longer lurking; been down this road before
/u/bh1106
Created: Sun Oct 7 05:12:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m4b88/no_longer_lurking_been_down_this_road_before/
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Hi. So, I’ve been lurking for a couple months. Mostly in denial about having an ED. I’m not even sure what brought me here, or why I searched for this sub. But here I am! I’m coming out of hiding because I think I’m finally able to admit to internet strangers about what’s going on with me.
A little backstory and about me:
I’m 28 (I’ll be 29 in a month), married, with 3 kids. It took me several years to realize I had been dealing with an ED while in high school. I recall days of not eating because I wanted to impress the hot new teacher. Telling my family I was a vegan so I could avoid eating. Secretly working out in my room at all hours of the night. But my Dad’s family would still criticize my body. “That shirt makes you look pregnant... *pinching my small love handle* good luck fitting in your prom dress... boys only like tiny girls. There were so many more. They always enjoyed teasing me about my weight, even though they were all overweight. But I wasn’t fat. I was 5’11” and weighted about 140lbs. We didn’t own a scale, so I could only weigh myself during track practice.
Fast forward to now: I had 3 kids in 3 years and the weight kept piling on, without me really noticing. My in-laws have always been so sweet and always told me how good I looked. When you’re tall, it’s easier to “hide” the weight gain. So I didn’t notice the weight until last year. That’s when the restricting and bingeing started again. Now its evolved into just restricting about a week ago. I’ve already lost 8 pounds. I forgot how much I love the feel of hunger pains. How much I love the sound of an empty stomach growling. Our lives have been pretty shitty the last 4 years, where I have zero control over anything. But now I’m in control of something and it feels great to finally have some power!!!
I start therapy on Thursday, to help me with the stress and anxiety I’ve been dealing with. I’m not telling her about my eating habits. I don’t want to tell anyone. This is the only thing I can control and it’s making me feel good about myself. Something I desperately need right now.
So yeah. That’s me in a nutshell. Hi ｡^‿^｡
Damage control advice? Purging without the bingeing...
/u/Melusedek [173 | CW: 52.5 | 17.54/17.34 | (U)GW: 52.3 (50) | 26F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 04:50:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m47o2/damage_control_advice_purging_without_the_bingeing/
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So I used to only purge "bad" foods, and was pretty good about keeping the good things in. But lately, I've been purging every little thing. Three large carrots w/ sriracha? Gone. Can of corn? Yup, that too. Vegan pea stew not even clocking in above 350 kcal? Up, up, and away. The only thing that's been staying in this weekend is coffee, some IPAs, and a small glass of malbec...
Anybody have any advice to stop purging? It's too easy to just swish my hair up and bend over. I don't even need to drink water or use my fingers, it's just as easy to puke as it is to swallow.
what is the safest looking thing to get from this menu?
/u/UnsweetAlmondMilk
Created: Sun Oct 7 04:44:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m46p2/what_is_the_safest_looking_thing_to_get_from_this/
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https://i.redd.it/7gxl40y6tqq11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] no longer obese woo
/u/Annewellmorrel [18F|SW100kg|UGW50kg|5’6]
Created: Sun Oct 7 04:20:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m437t/no_longer_obese_woo/
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Weight is 83.6 kg as of this morning, so bye bye, obesity!
This really feels like taking my life back. As I’ve mentioned on here before, being put under massive pressure by adults to gain weight when my weight was too low caused me to relapse into my BED 3 years ago. So this really feels like a good start to my life at uni. Sure, the world doesn’t change just because I’m overweight now, and I’m noone, really, for now. I don’t matter... *yet*. The terrible experiences and people that ruined my adolescence and drove me to binging, on the other hand, don’t matter... *anymore*!
We’ve already been sent lecture material and reading recommendations, and I’m 57% through the first one! Plus I’m going to an exhibition in London today which I’m really excited for.
I'm so annoyed with myself
/u/Appolinaris9
Created: Sun Oct 7 04:12:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m420c/im_so_annoyed_with_myself/
---
I really really hate myself right now. It's not enough that I binged back like 20lbs from my LW, I've been DESTROYING my health with binges and purges, like my stomach is so wrecked, I have constant stomach acid and brain fog and my binges are so big that I get really dizzy from the sugar spike - I mean, up to 10000 calories in pure sugar, how do I not get diabetic from this?
No, I'm obsessing so much every day and falling into the SAME thoughts all the time that my binge brain tricks me into: 'Ohhhh I feel sooo sorry for myself for not having this or that, If I binge today, I will start the ABC/whatever bullshit wannabe-diet tomorrow and will lose sooo much!'. Althought I declared EXACTLY how I want to eat for pretty much the rest of my life and even made a post about it: eating what I want, exactly what I want - my higher brain, the non-binge rational part, so I can restrict as low as I like or indulge if I want to and eat according to hunger or not or chose to eat healthy or not, as long as it's what I truly feel good with afterwards, so I don't 'have to stick to something' and don't get the excuse to feel sorry for myself because if I want cake, nobody is stopping me.
But I binged the day before yesterday and then binged AGAIN yesterday. I feel and look so bad.
I've been depressed so much lately that I talked to a counsellor who suggested therapy (not specifically for EDs because he doesn't know much about it, but for the depression and all that) so that means I'd need to drop out of uni. I know it's mostly because of my Ed. Because of fucking FOOD and my WEIGHT, I ruined my career. Great. And the best thing? I didn't even wind up skinny. I have nothing to show for. If I was super underweight and almost dying, well, at least I could say that I'm almost dying and that's at least a valid reason to drop out. But nooo, I'm still a fat mess who restricts severely and binges into a sugar coma later.
I wish there was a double version of myself so I could just slap myself right now.
[Rant/Rave] a shitstorm is coming
/u/iluvmnms [164cm (5'4) | 49.4kg (108lbs) | 18.4 | GW: 47 (103lbs) | 18F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 04:00:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m406x/a_shitstorm_is_coming/
---
literally. i had some chocolate laxatives but they actually tasted good so i kept snacking on them ok it was nice knowing ya'll
[Rant/Rave] I want my boobs to disappear
/u/milovsflo
Created: Sun Oct 7 03:49:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m3yl4/i_want_my_boobs_to_disappear/
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I will never get surgery so I’m hoping to make my boobs go away on their own. Also my hips and butt. Too feminine, I don’t like it. I’m not a guy, I’m just... I don’t know. I’m non binary and I don’t want my body to be feminine. I want to be sickly thin,no curves and a sharp jawline. I want people to look at me and not know my gender/sex. Which makes me feel shitty because my boyfriend loves both my boobs and butt.
[Other] I don't belong here?
/u/Ednosonline [175 cm/5'9" | 65 kg/143,3 lbs | BMI 21,2 | -2 kg | Female]
Created: Sun Oct 7 03:12:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m3te3/i_dont_belong_here/
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I've been sick on and off for 10 years now. And I realized I am slipping back atm but I am loving it. Right now, I can do a fairly normal "just dieting" with a limit of 1500 net calories per day and blaming no's on allergier/health reasons. I have lost 3 kg in a month and am planning to get below a BMI of 20 again. IF I can.
But I feel like such a fucking fake for even Reading this sub 😣😣😣
First ever full on binge :(
/u/Hairless_Human [6' | CW 134 | BMI 17.44 | WL -146 |M 21]
Created: Sun Oct 7 02:37:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m3ofs/first_ever_full_on_binge/
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https://i.redd.it/4qwt8lwf6qq11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] You know you have an ED when...
/u/queenofbo0ks [5'6 | CW:148.5lbs | GW: 129lbs | UGW: 112lbs | 20F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 02:24:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m3mm3/you_know_you_have_an_ed_when/
---
(Note: This is a rant/rave post from my experiences, everyone has different ones. Please stay save)
​
...You look up the average breakfast calories (400) and you already cry over eating 150 during breakfast.
...You're going out for lunch with friends and you ask your partner if it's okay if you just order coffee instead of food
...On bad days your face looks so pale you get told you look like an actual corpse
...On good days you think you can handle one piece of bread and end up crying and binging later that day because of it
...You think you're just as fat as before and your pants must have just loosened during washing them
...You panic when you get invited out for drinks/dinner/food etc
...You feel proud when people tell you that you look good
[Help] Weight keeps going up and down
/u/leoloewe19
Created: Sun Oct 7 02:21:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m3m4u/weight_keeps_going_up_and_down/
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I'm heavy restricting for the past 2 weeks, at an average of 500 cal a day. But instead of a steady weight loss, my weight changes daily. For example the last week: 54,4 - 54,8 - 54,8 - 54,2 - 54,5 (around a pound that goes up and down). This is really demotivating since I fast whenever I gain weight (which is now like every second day? Ugh).
Why is this happening? Any tips?
I think I went straight from a binge eating disorder to anorexia. If that’s even possible.
/u/Dovahkiin14
Created: Sun Oct 7 01:53:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m3i11/i_think_i_went_straight_from_a_binge_eating/
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I’m 15F, and I have had a binge eating disorder for a couple months at least. It was self diagnosed, but I was sure cause I had a lot of symptoms. I tried getting help but the doctor said it was a possibility and asked me 1 or 2 questions, and asked my mom a question, and moved on. He completely dismissed me in my opinion and didn’t even attempt to properly diagnose me. Didn’t ask about any of the required symptoms, which I had. This was about a month and a half ago. After that I decided, fuck him, I’ll help myself. So about 2-3weeks ago, I started starving myself. I binged(not really actual binges but I’m calling them that) about 3 or 4 times, but then I would purge it out. I would only allow myself 500 calories a day. In the first week it was really hard not to give in and completely let myself binge like I used to in my BED. Before I started I weighed just over 200lbs and now I weigh about 85(last time I checked 2 days ago, so more now hopefully). I know that definitely isn’t normal. An average person can lose 1, maybe 2 pounds in one week. So probably 8 pounds in 1 month at the most. I lost almost 10 pounds in just 1 week. Which makes me feel good. I’m getting weak though, I can feel it. It’s hard to climb stairs now, my legs start burning. I take Taekwondo and already I can’t do things as well as before. My whole body is sore because the last 2 days I did a 1000 calorie work out thing as well. I’m in a lot of pain right now. But I think that since I’m losing weight, it’s worth it. I want to be at least 130lbs by spring, I hope it’s possible. I’ve also been counting calories, and cutting my food up really small at supper so my family finishes eating and I can throw out my food.
please please please let this be the last binge of the month
/u/psybeams [5'4” | 18f | cw : 109 | gw : 100 | bmi : 18.9]
Created: Sun Oct 7 01:44:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m3gqz/please_please_please_let_this_be_the_last_binge/
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i want to die i've been binging the past 3 days and idk how i haven't gained anything yet but oh my lord my birthday really put me off track. starting now im done. someone tell me to stop.
[Rant/Rave] Guess I'm bulimic now
/u/BunnyAwesome [5'7"| F | CW 116 | GW 105]
Created: Sun Oct 7 01:37:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m3fm8/guess_im_bulimic_now/
---
Ok so TMI warning, trigger warning (suicide), this post is NSFL. I'll try to keep it short.
On Friday on my way back from work, I witnessed a man try to take his own life by jumping from a bridge onto a road.
He was a mess and my head exploded completely.
So I came home and had a binge. Not a huge one but 2000+ first day, 1600 yesterday.
First thing I did was trigger my IBS with lots of hot sauce, and I rounded up the evening with 47 laxatives in what only can be described as a futile act of self hatred.
The hot sauce served to inflame my digestive system through the IBS and a lot of the food is coming through undigested and the laxatives made sure it's all been a swift process. This is undeniably a massive leap into bulimia and honestly, I'm scared how this is going to go from here.
Sorry. I needed to get this off my chest and I have nowhere else to go, because the guy I normally tell these things decided he just couldn't be there for me on Friday and I'm really hurt by that too.
what’s the weirdest recipe you’ve created/tried to satisfy your cravings?
/u/ratpaq [5'1 | CW 108 | GW 92 | LW 102 | F18]
Created: Sun Oct 7 01:04:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m3al6/whats_the_weirdest_recipe_youve_createdtried_to/
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i really wanted birthday cake but all i had at home was a banana so i mashed it up and heated it and created the best thing my mouth has ever been graced with
recipe:
- 1 banana
- 1 bowl
- 1 fork
- 1 microwave
1. peel banana and break into small pieces, place into bowl
2. mash with fork until gooey
3. microwave for 10-30seconds/until warm enough for your liking
seems pretty dumb/simple because it’s just a mashed banana that’s heated up but god it was so much better than cake
[Help] need help with buying ephedrine (canada, quebec)!
/u/teenytokki [5'1|108.3lbs|20.5|-14.7lbs|F]
Created: Sun Oct 7 00:35:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m362q/need_help_with_buying_ephedrine_canada_quebec/
---
hello! this question might be pretty irrelevant to anyone not living in canada since the same laws probably do not apply (i'm pretty sure ephedrine is illegal in the US?). i'm currently looking into buying ephedrine and at the moment i have two options:
1. somehow convince my friend to use her credit card to buy ephedrine from this online store called "supplements canada". money is not an issue here, the main problem is trying to explain why i want ephedrine especially since this friend knows i have eating issues. it might have to be shipped to her as well since my parents are snoopy and might see me ordering pills from the internet.
2. go to the nearest popeyes (it is in montréal specifically) and buy them there. there's almost no issue with this option since again money isn't a problem and i can pick it up next time i'm there, but i've never been inside a store like popeyes. my concern is that they'll ask for my ID (which i have none— 17 year old here). also would like to mention that i'm pretty short and suffer from babyface syndrome so if they're going to ask for ID, they will definitely ask it from me.
any help or advice would be much appreciated please :)
today i went ham
/u/SetsukoSilence [5'5 | CW 137 | GW 98 | -45]
Created: Sun Oct 7 00:18:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m3354/today_i_went_ham/
---
I was celebrating my sister's wedding with my family and friends and got a lot of compliments today. "You lost a lot of weight!" and "You're so now beautiful *now* ." Honestly the you're so beautiful now comments are like a double edged sword. Like if I hadn't lost weight I wouldn't be worth anything. Anyway you know what my dumbass did in return to all these compliments? I ended up drinking and apparently when I drink my braincells fly off the fucking planet because I wilded out and ate 1,700 for the day. I feel like I can't keep it together, like utter shit. Restricting is he only thing I'm good at lately and I blew it. Guess who's gonna fast for the next 3 days now :)
Crying in the McDonalds drive-thru
/u/StudentAdvice111
Created: Sun Oct 7 00:07:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m317q/crying_in_the_mcdonalds_drivethru/
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Have been having a lot of financial issues lately. After fasting all day and having a really shitty day at work,I wanted to go and get a French fry from McDonald’s after my shift at 2am. BF decided he also wanted one and gave me his card. Ordered his and paid for it, then went to check out for mine and my card was declined. Now sitting in the parking lot crying and trying to compose myself out of how jealous I am that my boyfriend gets to eat fries and I don’t.
But maybe a blessing so I get to benefit from the fast today? :)
Talk to me about anything right now
/u/cjmorph
Created: Sat Oct 6 23:53:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m2yp0/talk_to_me_about_anything_right_now/
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I’m home alone, and bored, and all I can think of is binging till I pass out. I can feel it and need some distraction or some tips to stay out of my kitchen right now.
[Help] drunk and staving help me
/u/heyimhayley
Created: Sat Oct 6 23:53:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m2yoc/drunk_and_staving_help_me/
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Ate light today and had 3 sparking ciders .... will drinking more make me less hungry? what do i do?
[Rant/Rave] Has anyone cut off their family that triggers you?
/u/LumosMegan
Created: Sat Oct 6 23:29:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m2u4u/has_anyone_cut_off_their_family_that_triggers_you/
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Kind of a rant and kind of needing advice.
My mom is such an insane trigger for me. Initially I was worried about telling her about my ED because I didn’t want her to be hurt and worried and think it’s her fault (even though...uh kind of is at least partially) but turns out I didn’t need to worry about that at all. As a teenager, she constantly was worried about my looks, promising me a nose job when I got older, telling me to do more squats because I was going to get fat, etc. I was always a ridiculously thin kid, but my mom was psycho about food. Always on a fad diet. Always purging. Always replacing our pantry with health foods and then giving up. She’s like the definition of a case for an intuitive eating based approach. My mom used to use food as comfort for us kids (unstable home life). Like she would buy me mcdonalds every day after school, then actively shame me for eating it at home. I’d be eating and she would talk about how fried food is going to make me fat and get acne and my skin would be clearer without it etc. Just basically “how to give your daughter an ED 101”
Now, I’m 26 with two daughters. After having my second daughter I developed EDNOS, which developed into raging bulimia in the past six months. My mom treats it like it’s NO BIG DEAL. Like some sort of coming of age thing. She is constantly talking about how I should join her new diet or about how purging is something every girl does at some point. She doesn’t get it. She can’t stop bringing it up. When I lost weight she said, “I’m finally seeing my baby girl in there again.” When I gained weight because of recovery and wore a swimsuit, she told me that her doctor friend was willing to set up a diet plan for me and get me some prescription meds to help me lose weight. She told me that recovery isn’t working for me, because I’m not losing weight (which is obviously the marker for recovery). She asked if I can’t just diet until I’m thin, and THEN start therapy. She told me that she knows me, and knows that I go crazy over carbs and I need to stop. When she found out I relapsed her response was, “Well if you’re hurting yourself anyway, why don’t you just diet?” When I told her my doctor wants to send me to inpatients after she recommended yet another diet, she said, “well yeah only because you won’t stop throwing up.”
I’m at my wit’s end. I’ve told her ten million times to stop mentioning food and dieting. Stop watching what I eat. Stop commenting on my weight. Just stop. I’ve explained that I’m in DANGER. She doesn’t get it at all.
The thing is I love her. I spend a lot of time with her. My kids adore her. She does a ton for my family and I feel...enmeshed. But at the same time she has triggered every one of my relapses and her comments just destroy me.
What would you do??
[Rant/Rave] Needing to vent.
/u/bravegeorge
Created: Sat Oct 6 23:22:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m2sso/needing_to_vent/
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So. I just didn't know who else to talk to, so I'm here to vent. I have one close friend who knows about my ED. (went from 5'5 110, to 170 in a matter of a few months bc of a real vicious binge cycle I couldn't get off.) I recently got ahold of my shit and am down to 158 by fasting every other day and restricting my eating days to under 1,200. I'm gonna add some workouts in.. but I've just been... so... fucking.. angry at myself for gaining 60 fucking pounds. I'm typically the one to listen to her issues whenever we text, I keep a lot of my woes and shit to myself. but today... I don't fucking know. it was a terrible night. I start telling her all my thoughts. how I miss my bones, how I'm so tired of having all these rolls, how big my boobs are, how fucking bloated I feel. I feel less than human. And I tell her, like... I know I sound crazy. I know this is illogical and the disorder talking. but I dont want sympathy. I don't want you to try to talk me out of this mindset. I want you to fucking rage agains the system with me. Be like "fuck that! that shits the worst! fuck body fat, lets bake a cake and burn it so all those carbs go die in hell" - but thats.. not her style. she just gets so empathetic and emotional about anything I say. So I obviously picked the wrong person to vent to.. but she's the only person I can vent to about it that like.. understands what I'm going through.
Can I just get a couple of fuck you's from yall? I'm so fucking done being this size. I feel like I sabotaged my weight, I'm getting tiny stretch marks under my boobs and my hips like my body's marking me for being so overweight.. fuck this disorder. fuck feeling fat. fuck any night that it keeps you up feeling shitty about yourself.
sorry about any spelling it's late for me and I'm lazy
I overate and went out drinking last night
/u/BroItsJesus [19F|GW 100/45|5'4|🍑ebirdy]
Created: Sat Oct 6 23:15:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m2rlv/i_overate_and_went_out_drinking_last_night/
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Burned it all off walking plus 1000 extra cals whatttttttt
I hate my disorder
/u/asiaticlily [5’10 | 134.4 | 19 | -47 lbs | F22]
Created: Sat Oct 6 23:15:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m2rld/i_hate_my_disorder/
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I watch obese youtubers look books/hauls whenever I feel like eating... it makes me hate the idea of food. Because, no matter what condition you have... CICO is the only thing that makes you get that huge so.. I just constantly think about what people who weigh 350+ pounds must eat every day.. I hate that I do this. My disorder has made their bodies fuel to be thin. God. Like, I can’t seem to find a middle ground.. what a mess.
[Other] I DIDN'T BINGE for once
/u/transedthrowaway
Created: Sat Oct 6 23:07:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m2q3d/i_didnt_binge_for_once/
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I know this is silly but I've been having a really hard time lately and my normal impulse is to binge and purge, but today I managed to eat under 750 calories and had so many opportunities to binge but I didn't! Which is even more amazing because I finished baking a tray of pumpkin oatmeal chocolate chip muffins for when a friend comes by on Monday, and haven't touched a single one! I didn't even use the excuse of "oh they're homemade and only 173 calories each, you can have one", I just let them be and didn't eat them.
Idk, this is just really big and important for me since I've p. much been on a binge and purge streak since my pet snake died last month. But now I'm making progress again!!! I was 210.5 two days ago, and when I weighed myself today I was 205.5. It just feels good to see those results and feel like I'm starting to be in control of my body again.
[Rant/Rave] Well, it happened.
/u/cobra_movement [5'6" | 160 | 26.5 | -4 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 23:05:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m2po4/well_it_happened/
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Broke up with and kicked out my abusive now ex. The weight is finally start to come off now that I am grieving and able to restrict without temptation. I'm back to a pack a day of cigarettes as well which is definitely helping. He made me feel like nothing and I am taking it back! Wish me luck!
[Rant/Rave] was so close to breaking my fast but decided to draw instead and my craving passed. took my insane fixation on the binge food i wanted so bad and put it into this paper. woo perks of having an ed!
/u/smolcal
Created: Sat Oct 6 23:04:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m2phd/was_so_close_to_breaking_my_fast_but_decided_to/
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https://i.redd.it/69np996m4pq11.jpg
[Discussion] so, what does your grocery list look like?
/u/everybhodyhurt
Created: Sat Oct 6 22:36:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m2khx/so_what_does_your_grocery_list_look_like/
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im sure this has been posted before but no harm in starting up another discussion. going grocery shopping tomorrow and need ideas on what is filling while restricting (trying to stay at 500kcal max)
[Discussion] how to start grocery shopping?
/u/everybhodyhurt
Created: Sat Oct 6 22:29:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m2j2t/how_to_start_grocery_shopping/
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i have fallen off the bandwagon, and continued to roll down a very long bumpy hill. i cant stop binging and purging. i just want to start restricting again and feel proud of myself for once. i spend a heavy amount of money on the Starbucks... i am a barista and it’s my guiltiest pleasure. I’m not talking little iced coffees, I’m talking 300 cal refreshers, frapps, etc. I wish i could be that person who orders the small little iced skim lattes. I spend quite a lot too. So a few things I want to know how to get better at (like what kind of tips i can be provided with) is; 1, how to stop spending so much on liquid calories lol. and 2, how to properly shop/meal plan for two weeks? I get paid biweekly and I manage my bills and stuff good but whenever it comes to food....
The amount of receipts from McDonald’s these past couple weeks is awful.
What foods do you all find filling and affordable? (Student here)
The bloat is keeping me from eating in public....
/u/_Spicy_Lemon_ [5'6 | CW 131.5 | GW 120 | UGW 100| F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 22:15:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m2g70/the_bloat_is_keeping_me_from_eating_in_public/
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It's so fucking hard. I'm trying to just eat normally. Not restrict so I can enjoy all the cardio I want. I LIVE for my long walks & grueling hikes that fuck up my knees for days.... but. Fuck. The. Eating. Bloat. I'm tired of feeling ok to "look at this human that is pregnant with whale triplets". It isn't proportion, just this huge lump. I want to eat out and enjoy crop tops but now I'm so glad it's fall. A dam peice of celery could cause it...... fuck.... maybe muscle building would help?
[Thinspo] When your thinspo gains weight-- or, my ED makes me a horrible person
/u/sabeneanie
Created: Sat Oct 6 21:44:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m2a28/when_your_thinspo_gains_weight_or_my_ed_makes_me/
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I'm diagnosed with an eating disorder not otherwise specified (anorexia until I faux recover, then atypical I guess. And back around). BMI isnt anorexic right now so fuck it I'm ~totes recovered~.
But there is a celebrity who I idolized for their extremely thin frame (that was not natural to them-- they vocally started a really extreme diet and it got them that way). They also make music, and their music had a lot of themes of feeling like you deserve abuse and some vague eating disorder undertones.
In any case, seemingly out of nowhere, they gained weight, and they look much healthier now. They're also happier, which is great, and their music more inspiring and bright.
But ED brain-- dumb, selfish, evil ED brain, constantly thinks "but they used to be perfect"
Never mind they were probably sick. Or maybe they weren't. Who knows. Maybe not knowing for sure is what allows my mind to accept these feelings. But I pushed my body to the limits. Worked out daily, fasted, reached underweight bmi and then some. I never looked as good as her. She looked perfect. She was like a personification of Ana taunting me in the mirror every time I saw her, telling me to work harder and that I still looked like shit.
And she's healthy now. Her current physique inspires fitness for health, loving oneself, and not conforming to the strict standards of Hollywood. But I still look back at old pictures every day. At the unobtainable beauty that even she couldn't maintain. And I still crave it like I crave the excess fats and sugars on my lips, and the person in those images doesn't even exist anymore.
[Rant/Rave] Being rational today
/u/coffeehearts [5'5" | CW 123.5 | GW 116 | BMI 20.6 | F(26)]
Created: Sat Oct 6 21:43:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m29va/being_rational_today/
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Overate the last two days (at TDEE) because I was feeling insatiable, obsessive, and bored. Been covering extra receptionist shifts lately which meant I was sitting on my ass for over 50 hours this week.
Came pretty close to feeling like "EVERYTHING IS RUINED" and "I'll never be 119" (or insert your personal roadblock). But THEN it came to me. I realized it was all because of stupid PMS!! So instead of wallowing, I did a Fitness Blender workout when I got home, signed up for planet fitness, and now I am going to the gym in the morning.
I'm also aiming to add real cardio into my routine so I can ween myself off fucking cigarettes again. Bitch this plateau shit is over. Time to actually lose again instead of lose and gain the same 3 lbs for weeks on end.
[Discussion] MFP exercise calories??
/u/linedryonly [5'5| C130 | G110 | L102 | -15]
Created: Sat Oct 6 21:30:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m2715/mfp_exercise_calories/
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Has anyone noticed huge discrepancies in logging exercise calories on MFP?
If I log 120 minutes (12,000 steps) of walking at a moderate pace, it says I burned 400 calories. But if I sync my steps from my phone (12,000) instead of entering as exercise, it says I burned less than 100 calories. WTF?? The calculations are off by almost a factor of 10. Has anyone else noticed this? If so, how do you calculate your exercise?
[Rant/Rave] I haven't binged or eaten over my restriction level in 2 days :D
/u/Moose--And--Squirrel
Created: Sat Oct 6 21:24:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m25oy/i_havent_binged_or_eaten_over_my_restriction/
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I have been under a lot of stress recently and started binging, and I'm FINALLY back on track. I'm getting so close to my goal weight, and I'm finally back on the road to it. I finally feel more in control, and even though it's just been 2 days I feel like I can stop myself from binging again. There's still a part of me that's scared I'll fall back into it, but I'm fighting it, and I feel more determined to keep my restriction.
I just feel hopeful lol.
Stupid Question: What counts as purging
/u/cortizonegnome [5'3" | bingetastic CW: 107 | GW 99 | UGW 88 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 21:22:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m2541/stupid_question_what_counts_as_purging/
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Tried to google this but I couldn't find satisfactory answers. So I binge eat and c/s and sometimes it's kinda stuck there so I just like..,cough it back up. But I never considered this purging b/c it barely went down to begin with and I get very little of it up (just the stuff that's stuck in my throat). I've always said to myself that I don't purge because I have *no* gag reflex. Seriously none. I've maybe thrown up 3x total in my whole life (excluding when I was like an actual baby)? Like I should be a porn star or something. I can only get food up that never really went down. But recently even when I burp it's like..acidic? Idk what exactly constitutes purging ig
[Discussion] DAE change their mind constantly about wanting to recover and then not
/u/ihate-chicken [5’7” | CW:116 | 18.1 |]
Created: Sat Oct 6 21:11:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m22uk/dae_change_their_mind_constantly_about_wanting_to/
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I am constantly flip-flopping... I mostly don’t want to right now but in one day I can change my mind 3 times about this.
Ugh
How should I lie to my nutritionist?
/u/Literally_a_Gorilla
Created: Sat Oct 6 21:11:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m22ou/how_should_i_lie_to_my_nutritionist/
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I'm working on getting an all-clear from my doctor and a nutritionist to get prescribed Wellbutrin. I know the dangers and everything.
What do I say to the nutritionist when they ask what I eat so as to not raise concerns? I can't decide between reassuring keto-queen pro-dieter who has been working her ass off to lose all this weight, spouting off all my knowledge about food, nutrition, and health, saying I eat tons... Or play dumb and say I didn't realize I was eating so little pls help, walk out of there with a revolutionary 2000 cal diet plan, acting like I'm happy about it and feel hopeful. The goal is for them to tell my psych I'm well-nourished, I guess.
Why can't I chew slowly?
/u/cantdecidewhatiwant
Created: Sat Oct 6 20:38:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m1vcg/why_cant_i_chew_slowly/
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Everytime I'm about to eat I plan to take it slowly, count my chews, learn to read my huge signals. 30 seconds into my food and I am eating like desperate animal, forgetting to count, forgetting time.
Any tips?
Fainting
/u/anonymous01011
Created: Sat Oct 6 20:32:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m1u0x/fainting/
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I woke up after sleeping for 5 hours and went to the bathroom to wash my face, after 1 hour I wake up and find myself lying on the bathroom floor, and the sliding door of the shower has fell down, and my back was hurting like hell, and my head too.
The last thing that I remember is that I washed my face.
Did that happen to anybody, and what do you think the cause of it.
Thank you
[Discussion] Is anyone else a medical professional?
/u/AtypANA [5'9 | CW 207.6 | HW 220 | LW 120 | GQ 🏳️🌈]
Created: Sat Oct 6 20:27:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m1stk/is_anyone_else_a_medical_professional/
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I currently work on a pediatric ward as a CNA and I'm going to be a doctor (long term goal). I was just thinking is really ironic that I'm the one that's supposed to know all about health and keep people healthy and yet hear I am starving myself to the point of amenorrhea and all sorts of other stuff especially when I know I already have a heart problem.
My boyfriend just told me he wouldn't marry me if I wasn't recovered
/u/deanhipchester [5' | lmao | 21F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 20:21:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m1rlg/my_boyfriend_just_told_me_he_wouldnt_marry_me_if/
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He did preface it with "I love you very much," but continued to say "but I wouldn't marry you unless you were at least a year recovered".
I'm back home for reading week and spent the past 2 days b/ping so that wasn't something I wanted to hear but I also don't blame him. Bulimia is just gross and I can't deny that I'm disgusting
[Rant/Rave] tmi rant about how shitty my life is rn
/u/lightningmcqueef69 [5'5.5" | 114.6lbs | 18.78 | 18 | enby 💛]
Created: Sat Oct 6 20:19:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m1r30/tmi_rant_about_how_shitty_my_life_is_rn/
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- last month i fasted for 6 days, hit my lw, and binged... for 3 weeks. i'm scared to check the scale until i *feel* skinnier again. fasting rn at least until midday tuesday.
- binge = weight gain = depression so i've slacked on basic fucking things and it takes So Much Energy to just take a shower and remember to take my birth control and do basic shit
- speaking of birth control, i missed 3 pills in a row because i'm too anxious to call the pharmacy to refill and then didn't have money immediately and i got my period (a week after the last one :') ) and i'm so crampy and grumpy and bloated and !! icky
- BIG GROSS TMI RIGHT HERE i got a fucking rash around my bhole today??? what the fuck??? i wear clean clothes and wash myself every day and haven't changed anything that would cause this ?? not sexually active ??? the fuck??
- fasting is so hard now for some reason and i just want to sleep for a week and wake up 10lbs lighter or some shit but i have to work nearly every day, in a bakery, surrounded by delicious tempting food and i have cried driving home over eating shit i didn't plan for at work like 3 times this week
- i didn't think my thigh gap was that big but now i can feel my legs rubbing together again and it's so god damn uncomfortable i want it to go away
- long story short please kill me
[Rant/Rave] My mom’s forcing me to eat now
/u/its_never_ogre_ [5’2 | CW:118 | GW: 105| F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 20:16:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m1qgp/my_moms_forcing_me_to_eat_now/
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I guess I reached that point where my mom is noticing my eating habits and now preparing me my food and sitting there waiting for me to end. I’m still not even close to my goal, and I don’t even look relatively thin, but I guess my mom doesn’t want me to go down that path.
I mean I appreciate that mom cares and is trying to help, but I don’t want that help ya know?
[Help] Bagel choices??!
/u/ihate-chicken [5’7” | CW:116 | 18.1 |]
Created: Sat Oct 6 20:14:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m1q2w/bagel_choices/
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H E L P
I’m getting bagels with friends tomorrow and they’ll get really suspicious if I don’t get a bagel so I unfortunately HAVE to :/
What is “safest” bagel / lowest cal? Is butter better than cream cheese?
I’m so anxious, tell me it’ll be okay (even if it won’t be)
[Rant/Rave] why do i keep sabotaging myself
/u/Awassya
Created: Sat Oct 6 20:08:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m1oh9/why_do_i_keep_sabotaging_myself/
---
I was doing so good, I finally hit a goal weight I've been chasing for actual literal months and even though various shitty life circumstances prevented me from enjoying that to the fullest I felt encouraged, ate one 400 cal meal meaning to keep it at that and even managed to stick to my resolution...
...until about an hour and a couple minutes ago, when I binged at a house party by eating 1.5 slices of a pizza with cheese, mushrooms, ketchup and salami and two slices of chocolate cake. Drank some liquids, but all were 0cal.
I immediately felt so sick to my stomach I had to lie on the couch. I went home with the excuse of not feeling good because I have a rule of not purging in houses of friends, ran inside and tried to hold it down, and I failed - but only the black coffee I drank and the cake came up.
I punched my stomach and tried really hard but nothing else would come up. I'm still panicking and I can feel the fucking calories absorbing themselves into my skin and I feel so disgusting, I was doing so good and I'm stuck here now, still sick and trying not to focus on the food boiling inside my stomach.
I'm so disappointed and scared.
[Rant/Rave] WHY do people feel the need to comment on what other people eat?!?!?!
/u/LillyWhiteAndFrozen [5'4 | 163 lbs | -14 lbs |28.53 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 20:00:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m1mkh/why_do_people_feel_the_need_to_comment_on_what/
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I'm having drinks with some people tonight. My boyfriend is hungry so we decided we would share some fries (REGULAR fries, not cheese fries or anything) and he would get a burger.
I haven't eaten anything but snacks today and purged all of that.
I can eat some fucking fries if I want.
I bummed a cigarette from one of my girls and this douchebag fucking vegan that I just met tonight made a comment about how bad smoking is for me. I laughed it off and said that in usually pretty healthy, going to the gym a lot and eating healthy. And he said,
"Except cheese fries." With a fucking smirk on his face.
In front of everyone. Cue secret silent panic attack sitting at a table with seven people. Obviously I told my boyfriend when the waitress came over that he should just order his burger because I'm actually not hungry after all.
I'm going to keep slamming gin and sodas and try to forget that he said that but I feel horrified.
His girlfriend, who seems sweet, is also a vegan and so tiny and sitting right beside me right now. I'm angled away from her so she can't see what I'm posting.
I want to fucking scream and run away and die. I'm the fattest most disgusting girl in this bar right now.
New Moon this Monday!
/u/onerousboners
Created: Sat Oct 6 19:57:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m1lxg/new_moon_this_monday/
---
So I don't TECHNICALLY "believe" in magic per se, but I also love it. Especially moon magic. Like the tide, I feel a pull to that hunk of rock.
ANYWAY, this Monday is the New Moon. If you didn't know, every new moon is like a mini New Year's day. It's a chance for a fresh start!
The next new moon is this upcoming Monday night. Monday is another "new year's" in general for me too, so this is really perfect, I feel!
This new moon involves Neptune and Ceres. The big takeaway for this moon is: removing toxicity. Be ruthless! Eliminate poison!
My goals are:
-Start my (marijuana) T-break
-NO MORE STALKING ENEMIES ON SOCIAL MEDIA!!!!
-cut down drinking (Not ready to give it up completely yet...)
-cut down fast food (Also cant give it up completely)
Figured I shouldnt set goals that I know are impossible, so I don't flog myself too hard for failing...
So what about you guys? What do you want to cut out of your life? How do you feel about fresh-start magic?
[Rant/Rave] love this for me !!!!!
/u/planetskinny
Created: Sat Oct 6 19:55:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m1lis/love_this_for_me/
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haha wow. i’m so fucking sad and upset, y’all.
long story short: so there was this girl who i fell for hard and she ended up liking me back. naturally, i ended up feeling things for another person. i confessed and this other person likes me back.
i know i should be happy but with bipolar depression (?) and philophobia, i’m so fucking sad/upset/terrified.
i’m losing my friendship with the first girl and i told myself i wouldn’t let that happen.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? AT LEAST I’VE STAYED AT MY CALORIE LIMIT SINCE OCTOBER FIRST, RIGHT?! AT LEAST I HAVEN’T BINGED SINCE THE LAST DAY OF SEPTEMBER, RIGHT?! AT LEAST I’M TOO SAD TO EAT, RIGHT?!
god sorry wow. i’m......... so fucking upset; upset to the point where i now feel numb. not even sad music is making me cry. love this for me!!! lol!!!
[Discussion] DAE entertain the thought of losing slower or maintaining....
/u/angelic-rose [🌹 19F | 5’6 | 122.2 | 19.7 | GW1 118]
Created: Sat Oct 6 19:54:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m1l9d/dae_entertain_the_thought_of_losing_slower_or/
---
and then change your mind after you eat something? LOL
today i was checking myself out in the mirror before i ate and was thinking how....good? i looked? and how maybe i can start losing at a slower rate than a pound a week (which already feels slow but w/e)
then i ate lunch, looked at my bloated self in the mirror, and..,,never mind. back to my regularly scheduled programming.
[Rant/Rave] I honestly dont know what I want anymore
/u/emptycolours [5'10'' | cw113.6 | 16.3 | gw110 | 26m]
Created: Sat Oct 6 19:42:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m1ify/i_honestly_dont_know_what_i_want_anymore/
---
Been such a long week. Hit goal woo. But still feel like shit. Im depressed about everything ive given up on in my life over the years, and soon I'll probably lose the job I worked so hard to get (took me forever to finish college). I never did learn another language, or go to another country, or actually have any hobbies, only distractions from the depression or ed or whatever. part of me wants to start eating again so that I can maybe start all of these things before its too late, but I know its already too late for me now. And i dont want to be fat again and still depressed. i dont want to be anything.
This really is a stupid post, sorry, 40 hours into a fast and just dont know where im going anymore.
[Other] My hair is not falling out I have no idea what you are talking about
/u/gothicapples
Created: Sat Oct 6 19:11:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m1ayu/my_hair_is_not_falling_out_i_have_no_idea_what/
---
https://i.redd.it/a50lp67zynq11.jpg
Anyone else never been in a relationship?
/u/Throwaway413vander
Created: Sat Oct 6 19:00:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m18ia/anyone_else_never_been_in_a_relationship/
---
Never been in a relationship despite actively trying to date for over a year. Honestly being single/feeling undesirable is a major fuel source for my ED.
Just wondering if anyone can relate?
[Rant/Rave] Pb just had the biggest binge of my life
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 95 | 17 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 18:53:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m16t3/pb_just_had_the_biggest_binge_of_my_life/
---
Hahahahahah going into thanksgiving dinner I promised myself I would exercise self control....last big dinner I had one small plate. Why couldn’t I do that? I had about 3 plates of turkey, ham, turnip, corn and peas....no bun...oh wait 5 glasses of wine later I ate 3 buns. Dessert? Ok just a small piece. But a small piece of cheesecake, blueberry pie, apple crumble, pumpkin pie and a scoop (ok sure 2) of ice cream. Then a few more rum and diets just to make my evening interesting. THEN I decide to torture myself and hop on the scale - was 97 when I woke up today, 111.3 ten minutes ago. I fucking hate myself. I want to keep drinking until I die at this point. Fml
[Discussion] Saturday night plans: putting grapes in individual bags of 30, followed by making sugar-free jello shots.
/u/Dedoublement
Created: Sat Oct 6 18:51:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m167x/saturday_night_plans_putting_grapes_in_individual/
---
I think I'm doing meal prep wrong lol. I would like to be out with friends tonight but the ED voice in my head says: no you are not thin enough. Real life will start when I lose 20 lbs. DAE stay in on the weekend because they feel too fat to go out? Oh, and long time lurker here. This community is the best! I can't relate to anyone else like I do to those who post here. So thank you!
Yay Hibachi (not)
/u/RogueViolet
Created: Sat Oct 6 18:41:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m13xj/yay_hibachi_not/
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My friends decided to surprise my son and I with taking us to a hibachi place. They were even nice enough to bring my boyfriend too. Everyone is eating and I'm sitting here, super uncomfortable, not eating because he used way too much butter on the veggies and used sauces I wasn't familiar with and the menu has no calorie counts for anything.
Stood in the restroom for a bit since I was feeling the urge to break down and cry. I know no one I'm with gets this. Tell me someone here does. :(
[Discussion] What’s your goal aesthetic?
/u/lifesabreech [5'1" | 99.6 | 27F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 18:31:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m11hg/whats_your_goal_aesthetic/
---
Could really use the motivation right now. Tell me your goal aesthetic. Mine is Vegan Personal Trainer with a Recovery Instagram Account.
I finally went to an Asian market(first time in years) for konjac noodles and shit like that.
/u/J0_f0_sh0 [5'2 | CW115.5 | -18.5lbs | GW115 | F21 | USMC ]
Created: Sat Oct 6 18:27:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m10q6/i_finally_went_to_an_asian_marketfirst_time_in/
---
And I found chu hi's, now I'm drunk, my guys. Also I found macaroni shaped konjac noodles.
[Help] Please Help Me, I Can’t Eat !!
/u/bpdix [5'7 | HW155 CW128 UGW105 | AFAB NB]
Created: Sat Oct 6 18:24:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m0zwr/please_help_me_i_cant_eat/
---
i havent posted here in a while but ive barely eaten in the recent week, im home alone until tuesday and cant drive, i have food in the house but whenever i think about food/eating something i start feeling like im going to throw up and then cant actually down anything solid. ive eaten just enough every day to make sure i didnt pass out or get nauseous bc of lack of vitamins, but afterwards ive been punished with an upset stomach/having to be in the bathroom for an hour (please dont make me say more). this isnt even any form of purging, my body just naturally does not want to retain food.
has this happened to anyone else? i cant eat and i want to because i just feel bad all the time both because of anxiety and my body just making me churn over constantly. i was thinking maybe trying to eat just a broth or chicken soup or something really light, at least my weight is going down but it hurts really bad in the process B(
[Rant/Rave] Today my boyfriend told me he was proud of me for my recovery. He doesn't know I've relapsed.
/u/vladadoll
Created: Sat Oct 6 18:20:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m0ywp/today_my_boyfriend_told_me_he_was_proud_of_me_for/
---
As if hating myself for relapse wasn't bad enough, knowing I've let him down and lying to him (by omission, but still) is tearing me up. I am flooded with guilt. It's so overwhelming to know how disappointed and sad he would be. It's made worse by the fact the comment was prompted by me eating a burger - my first binge in two months, for which I already feel disgusting and I'm riddled with regret. It's been a bad day. I can't sleep. I've fought the desire to purge all day and night but it's still there.
[Rant/Rave] DAE have frustrating friends/work colleagues that foodshame you, but they eat all they want and whine to you why they cannot get their weight under control and gained that week.
/u/ryanhennessy91
Created: Sat Oct 6 18:19:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m0yqc/dae_have_frustrating_friendswork_colleagues_that/
---
I can't stand these people, there is this one bitch in particular at work.
She food shamed me last week for eating an Apple and a peanut butter sandwich on low carb bread and she had the hide to sit there and tell me about how unhealthy peanut butter.
She's lucky that I didn't comment on her 4 pieces of KFC & 10 nuggets that she just had for lunch was so much healthier. and she was waffling on about the amount of oil that is in peanuts.
This is the same woman that has gone on a "health" kick eating chicken salads drenched with caesar or ranch dressing with hundreds of croutons and shovelling multiple of cups of nuts into her gob for snacks every day averaging \~3000 cals for the day and whines to me about how she gained almost a kilo that week and doesn't know how I do it when we eat almost the same things.
I try and interject into the conversation that it is all about the caloric deficit you have but she seems to disregard that.
Sometimes I secretly love it in a way too when that happens (Narcissistic much?). Because she says to me that she does not know why I'm losing weight but she is not when she is eating the same things as me (I have a garden salad with balsamic vinegar dressing for lunch.)
Then I think, fuck bitch 3 days this week I had nothing but 2 cans of rockstar zero sugar all day and went to the gym and worked off about 1000 cals.
DAE have the same stories??? I really need some before I fall into a BP cycle.
Stopped myself from eating fried rice
/u/buenothot [Height 5’3 | CW 200 | BMI ? | Weight Lost 128 lbs | Gender F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 18:09:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m0w2i/stopped_myself_from_eating_fried_rice/
---
And then I rewarded myself by eating ice cream.
[Rant/Rave] Disgusted
/u/PikachuQueen [5’4 | CW: 120lbs| BMI: 20| GW: 100lbs]
Created: Sat Oct 6 17:47:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m0qvz/disgusted/
---
This is honestly just a rant and I know people here will understand how I feel.
I’m just all around disgusted with my body. No matter the size. I hate it so much bc nowadays it’s all about being thick and guys wanting a big ass and big boobs small waist etc. I’m in recovery and I’ve only been gaining weight in my stomach, back, and chichos(idk the English word sorry). Even when I was heavier, I was only top heavy.
I have a bf and I love him. We’ve known each other for years but been together for only 2 years. I constantly feel like I’m not enough for him. He’s so good looking, he gets girls stopping him in the street and all over his Facebook and IG. Men stop him to ask what he does to work out (which is nothing tbh he doesn’t go to the gym). I told him how I feel and I told him he’s blessed with good looks.
I just wish I looked more “womanly”. I definitely have disordered eating and an ED, considering I lost about 70ish lbs in about 6 months. I’m trying my best to gain some of my weight back since my bf said he liked me heavier, but it’s not going in womanly areas, even with working out.
Sorry for the rant :(
[Rant/Rave] I truly hate everything about myself right now
/u/existing--
Created: Sat Oct 6 17:45:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m0qjv/i_truly_hate_everything_about_myself_right_now/
---
I’m officially in the overweight category after stacking on weight really fast from over a month of constant bingeing. (A bit of purging as well but never enough to counteract it all)
I feel disgusting. I hate my body. I hate everything about myself and I’m just... so... sad. I keep using food as something to do because I have nothing. I literally have nothing in life. I have no one. I am alone and sad. I am so far away from my goal weight and keep getting further because of all the bingeing and I can’t get control of it.
I need to replace the binge with exercise when I get upset and I need to just STOP EATING. I don’t know how to just stop. I just want all my feelings to stop.
[Discussion] What unrelated traits or habits have you picked up as a result of your ED?
/u/eth_HTML
Created: Sat Oct 6 17:35:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m0nyq/what_unrelated_traits_or_habits_have_you_picked/
---
Whilst I understand my obsession with chewing gum came from my ED the (gross) fact that I collect my chewed gum has nothing to do with my ED. I’m just stuck to collecting it.
Do any of you have a trait or habit that isn’t part of, but is because of, your ED?
[Help] Stressed AF at Applebee’s right now
/u/RachAgainstLeMachine [5'3 🌻 CW: 93lbs 🌻 21F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 17:28:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m0mhk/stressed_af_at_applebees_right_now/
---
I’m sure ya’ll already know that Applebee’s is notorious for its high cal food. Well, my boyfriend and his family decided to eat here tonight. I ordered coffee and water to drink, and for my meal I ordered smoked salmon and grilled veggies.
I know realistically this isn’t bad, but I’m just super stressed. I don’t want to eat all of the food or like sample anyone else’s. How do you overcome the temptation?
[Rant/Rave] Welcome to some fucked up thinspo [TW assault]
/u/-bluehoney- [5'3" | ƧᏔ 187 | ℂᏔ 173.8 | ᎶᏔ 120 | ƒ |🍑bluehoney]
Created: Sat Oct 6 17:27:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m0m2p/welcome_to_some_fucked_up_thinspo_tw_assault/
---
I was raped when I was 17, by my biological father, when meeting him for the first and only time.
Reported it months later. It’s been nothing but status hearings for two years now - people are telling me they haven’t seen anything like it, his lawyer is just procrastinating and procrastinating and milking it to death.
I learned today that the final status hearing is next month. After that he can either take the plea deal (which isn’t much of a deal - they’re offering max time) or we go to trial and I testify.
My ED brain is telling me I have to be thin and sickly looking for a jury to believe me. New motivation, I guess. Woooo.
Pegan Thin Bars
/u/GingerWithSunscreen [5'4"| CW 125.8 | BMI 21.6 | GW 105 | 27F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 17:22:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m0kup/pegan_thin_bars/
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Omg have you guys tried pegan thin bars?! 190 calories and they have 20 grams of protein and 26 grams of fiber! Plus only 1 gram of sugar. They're vegan, gluten free and paleo. I just had the chocolate lava one and it was soooo good and legit filling.
[Rant/Rave] Ranting a little
/u/ST4RV3
Created: Sat Oct 6 17:15:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m0j7k/ranting_a_little/
---
Not rlly a rant but I feel like recovering so I’m staying off this reddit page. Gl to all you guys <3
So frustrated with myself
/u/katkicksthesky
Created: Sat Oct 6 17:06:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m0gx1/so_frustrated_with_myself/
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Im on a strict 300 calorie limit and I ate more than that and my boyfriend was so fucking proud of me because he knows about my purging. So obviously the only logical thing for me to do was "go pee" and throw up my pizza in the bathroom because I'm so fucking fat and I have so much more weight to lose.
Does anyone else experience muscle soreness?
/u/thinwishes_ [5'7" | CW 135 lb | GW 125 lb | UGW 120 lb | F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 16:51:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m0cvm/does_anyone_else_experience_muscle_soreness/
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From their ED? I started restricting and intermittent fasting and every part of my body hurts. Am I crazy??
[Rant/Rave] I ate like a normal person today and everything went wrong
/u/secretweightloss [5’4” M]
Created: Sat Oct 6 16:50:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m0csk/i_ate_like_a_normal_person_today_and_everything/
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I thought I was doing good by trying to be normal and eat actual food today with friends but immediately after I did my fwb who i’m low-key in love with cancelled on me to see their partner and I just know it’s the universe punishing me for being disgusting and eating so much.
I’m never going to be anyone’s priority or important to anyone I care about and it’s all because i’m disgusting and fat and gross and if I could stop shoving everything in sight in my face then maybe someone would actually love me back
Getting asked to dinner after hitting your calorie limit
/u/parliamentsafire
Created: Sat Oct 6 16:40:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m0a7y/getting_asked_to_dinner_after_hitting_your/
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Really hard to explain to people “Sorry I can’t come I legit cannot eat anything and I don’t want to tempt myself either, sorry.”
What dumb stuff did you waste calories on instead of the meal you had planned recently?
/u/ThorsHammock
Created: Sat Oct 6 16:24:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m05tg/what_dumb_stuff_did_you_waste_calories_on_instead/
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I saved up a bunch of calories today to make a delicious ham sandwich on sourdough with mustard and all kinds of good stuff for dinner.
Instead my dumb ass had to shovel 87 sea salt good thins and half a pineapple down my gullet. Adds up to about the same number of calories as that delicious sandwich would have been. Why am I like this 🙃
day one post
/u/sonorie
Created: Sat Oct 6 16:14:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m03a4/day_one_post/
---
i got back to my scale finally and uhhhh im my hw again. granted its the middle of the day and i just binged but like whew fuck me
anyway. its my day one again. uhhhh this is humiliating.
just... wanted....... to tell someone..... i guess.
[Discussion] Anyone struggling with depression? What helps you?
/u/ilove-dogs
Created: Sat Oct 6 16:11:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9m02di/anyone_struggling_with_depression_what_helps_you/
---
Im not officially diagnosed, but i tend to feel depressed very often for no reason. Only thing that helps me is coffee and exercise lol. What helps you when you’re feeling down?
[Rant/Rave] The Flu: a love hate relationship
/u/curvylucifer [5'2 | F | drowning in coffee]
Created: Sat Oct 6 15:58:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lzyll/the_flu_a_love_hate_relationship/
---
I've had a stomach bug/flu for the past few days. Talking about the works here, sweats, vomiting, peeing out my butt, insane stomach pain, and to top it all off I'm on my period.
I've been super grumpy and mean and my boyfriend has been nothing but sweet and helpful. He's my long haired angel and I love him to death. Sometimes I feel like I really don't deserve him.
I've hit a low weight since last year during this sickness and the thought of eating makes me wanna barf. In a constant neausiated state is such a weird feeling. I don't want to eat for the next 5 days I'm feeling so blahhh.
Thanks for listening to me bitch.
is work heaven? is work hell?
/u/croutonsatan [4'11| cw: 103.2 | hw: 113 | gw: 95 ]
Created: Sat Oct 6 15:46:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lzvic/is_work_heaven_is_work_hell/
---
i work in a kitchen, so temptations abound. the dishwasher is always bringing in doughnuts and today pizza was ordered. im not bad at turning it down, but damn.
also, after passing on both doughnuts and pizza, there were so many “haha are you on a diet?” “she doesn’t want that she’s on a diet” “you don’t eat much, huh?” remarks and i can’t tell if i liked them or not.
[Other] how is it possible that i am both underweight and fat at the same time
/u/manfromanother-place [5’1.75 | CW:102.5 | GW: 98 | 19.62]
Created: Sat Oct 6 15:29:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lzqcl/how_is_it_possible_that_i_am_both_underweight_and/
---
why am i like this?
[Rant/Rave] Moderation can bite me
/u/lilmdjd [5’3 | CW: 130 | BMI: 23 | LW: 94| - 17| 23F ]
Created: Sat Oct 6 14:52:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lzfsl/moderation_can_bite_me/
---
I promised my mom and my therapist I’d eat more, so I’ve been high restricting around 1000 cal for a few weeks. I do have more energy but it is just NOT satisfying. And then I got high and ate an egg sandwich and TWO clif bars last night (real talk microwave those babies tho... game changer) leaving me at 1900 for the day. Granted I ran sprints for a half hour and did an hour power yoga so probably i was at least close to maintenance but I feel so so so gross and I’m water fasting for infinity now. I need to break this plateau. IMMEDIATELY.
[Help] PLS!! Help me stop this binge!!!!
/u/Thtcrazygiraffe
Created: Sat Oct 6 14:35:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lzb0r/pls_help_me_stop_this_binge/
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I’m 700 calories deep into a binge after fasting all day. I need some encouragement to stop! I really need to see a lower number on the scale tomorrow otherwise I’ll lose my freaking mind!!!
[Help] Fasting with energy?
/u/zaniathin [5’3” | CW: 154 | -6 lbs | F | Relapsed Again]
Created: Sat Oct 6 14:35:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lzb0a/fasting_with_energy/
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Anyone able to fast and still have energy to workout? I really want to do a 72 hour or longer fast but with my job it’s sooooo hard to do without needing a couple hundred calories to compensate for the exhaustion!
birthdays are the worst
/u/mapseri
Created: Sat Oct 6 13:59:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lyzw2/birthdays_are_the_worst/
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my birthday was a couple of days ago and i thought 'hey im down to 114 i can eat whatever i want'
nope. a piece of cake, a milkshake, and mexican food and im back up to 121. and it sucks bc im not a skinny 121 im one of those people who goes from being skinny fat to now im fat skinny so thats fun
Me to me: Ah I can't believe you've done this (NSFW: binge trigger)
/u/missmadime [5'6" | CW: oh god | GW: 120| -24lbs | F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 13:55:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lyyyq/me_to_me_ah_i_cant_believe_youve_done_this_nsfw/
---
https://i.imgur.com/5xzcYyK.jpg
[Rant/Rave] I STOPPED MYSELF FROM BINGING!!!!!
/u/coffee-vanilla [F | 5’9 | CW:150 GW:130]
Created: Sat Oct 6 13:53:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lyy6c/i_stopped_myself_from_binging/
---
IM SO HAPPY, im finally on a restricting streak again!! My family ordered food and i was fasting today but i felt a binge coming up and ate about 600 calories of junkfood but decided to stop eating instead of eating 2000+ calories of junk food!!! Currently drinking a diet coke vanilla and im so happy yayyy
[Rant/Rave] been fasting for 60 hours and change
/u/putridaffection [5'0 | CW 🎂 | GW 🥗 | 29F | 🍑 mochiqueen]
Created: Sat Oct 6 13:43:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lyv6m/been_fasting_for_60_hours_and_change/
---
and for some reason it’s pretty easy this time? lately when i try to fast i just get ravenously hungry but for the past couple days i’ve been surviving off of caffeine, adderall, and juul and i feel perfectly fine with just a slight gnawing in my stomach. most i can complain about are headaches but i just chug water and shut my eyes for a bit when that happens. i know i have to eat at some point but my brain is all HEY WHY NOT JUST FAST UNTIL YOU HIT YOUR UGW and my dumb disordered ass is like “that’s not a bad idea i guess??”
i dunno. just wanted to talk about it for some reason. it’s weird. i’m weird
It's getting much harder to deal with my ed and school
/u/Internet_Soup
Created: Sat Oct 6 13:37:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lytn2/its_getting_much_harder_to_deal_with_my_ed_and/
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I'm constantly getting spurts of depression over school and when I'm depressed I tend to eat. I've already been doing so well with my weight loss, I'm not about to let this ruin it.
I feel like I'll fail school if I don't start restricting more and try to be motivated again.
I can’t find joy in life anymore :/ all I think about is food and dying
/u/Radioactive_isotrope
Created: Sat Oct 6 13:13:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lymrn/i_cant_find_joy_in_life_anymore_all_i_think_about/
---
https://i.redd.it/kk2mxnc57mq11.jpg
Has anyone watched the documentary 'Emma Wants To Live' (about anorexia)?
/u/niktonikak
Created: Sat Oct 6 13:10:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lylzw/has_anyone_watched_the_documentary_emma_wants_to/
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I watched it last night and had such mixed feelings about it. Incredibly sad and very honest. But it felt strange because the doctors, adults, and parents all seemed so complacent and just let her die. Has anyone else seen it, what did you think?
[Other] Just thought I would share
/u/gothicapples
Created: Sat Oct 6 13:10:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lyluo/just_thought_i_would_share/
---
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=we1NIj7vDTI&t=28s
[Rant/Rave] Bought my first weight scale.
/u/Therinnyone
Created: Sat Oct 6 13:09:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lylj2/bought_my_first_weight_scale/
---
I used to use my ex's but now he is fucking someone else. And I'm still in love with him.
This hurts so much, and I don't know what to do. She is skinnier, prettier, and younger. She is not a Bitch, she is my friend and it just happened. He and I were not together and they both expressed regret and not wanting to hurt me.
I love them and just want them to be happy.
But if I can't have him, at least I have this weight scale and my ED to fall back on 😢
I'm 140 now and 5"3. Wish me luck getting to 100lbs. Xo
Having dinner with fam at Outback later today and ya girl is stressed
/u/-bluehoney- [5'3" | ƧᏔ 187 | ℂᏔ 173.8 | ᎶᏔ 120 | ƒ |🍑bluehoney]
Created: Sat Oct 6 13:01:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lyjdh/having_dinner_with_fam_at_outback_later_today_and/
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Rant/Rave, on mobile! I’ve been so good at saying no to foods thus far. I stared my ultimate binge food, pizza, dead in the face yesterday and had no problems. IT WAS FREE. There were MULTIPLE BOXES. I SAID NO!!
But this is like, a dinner, not optional food. I haven’t been in that kind of a situation and I’m a bit freaked as to how to deal. I’ve mostly planned my meal - Alice springs chicken with only mushrooms on it, side of broccoli? And then not sure about my second side. I always get the Mac and cheese and my fam knows how much of a fiend I am for it. I may get it just because I’ve been doing well and I’m currently stalled out at 173 for a couple days (been losing about a pound a day before that). But I’m worried it might trigger a big binge phase. I dunno y’all, yikes.
[Discussion] Does anyone else *just* purge?
/u/angelakarui
Created: Sat Oct 6 12:57:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lyhyd/does_anyone_else_just_purge/
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I basically do heavy restricting and purging (almost whatever I eat). I feel like most people on this subreddit binge/purge and I don’t see many people talking about only purging. Curious if anyone else is out there?
i hate going to football games
/u/peacecorpsquestion3 [5’6 | 118]
Created: Sat Oct 6 12:44:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lydw9/i_hate_going_to_football_games/
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yes football the fun
but the fucking sorority girls who are prettier, skinnier, blonder, fitter and tanner than I’ll ever be make me want to cry lol
[Rant/Rave] Idk why this is so important to me all of a sudden
/u/applesauceistheenemy [5’10.5” | 140 | 19.5 | -70 lb | female]
Created: Sat Oct 6 12:21:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ly61k/idk_why_this_is_so_important_to_me_all_of_a_sudden/
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Like I’ve had disordered eating habits for a while now, but suddenly it’s like I HAVE to get down to 130 and be underweight (by 2 pounds, but still). Like I’m trying to fast this entire weekend and it’s super hard for me. Not eating makes me more emotional and likelier to say things I’ll regret, which is what’s scaring me the most here, more than any physical symptom or side effect. I’m hoping some of that will be mitigated by working the next 3 days, but I don’t know. I’ve already lost a little so that’s motivation to keep going but part of me is asking myself why I can’t just restrict, keep it under 1,000, etc. But suddenly it just doesn’t seem good enough, and it feels like I’ll need to reach my goal before I’ll let myself do that even. The hunger is really distracting me, though. I’m not getting much done, apart from working. Nor am I getting a “high” like some people describe. All I can think about is eating, and I’m getting headaches. But I don’t want to give up, not yet. Not until I hit 135 at least and then I can fast for another weekend or something. I used to be soooo happy with my body at 145 but now that’s just not good enough and I’m not sure why.
[Discussion] Depression after a major event
/u/lattephobia
Created: Sat Oct 6 11:56:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lxy3s/depression_after_a_major_event/
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Guys, I don't know what to do with myself. I'm a lurker on my main because whether I like it or not this rollercoaster has been part of my life for damn near twenty years, but I don't really ever have much to contribute. Now I just need someone to talk to. And yes, I know these feelings are temporary, but I just feel so rough right now that I need to vent.
I fell back into restricting, *hard*, for a few months before my wedding and in the couple months after I gained back up to average for my height. And... I was happy? I was happy! I was actually fucking happy and normal and eating what I felt like, when I felt like it. I Did It. I was a Functional Grown Woman.
...Until I weighed myself by chance a couple weeks ago and we all know how that goes. I lost about eight pounds before going to Chicago and looked pretty good. I still had my tits, but my middle was tamed, and my confidence was super high.
My best friend and I went to the BTS concert on October 2nd and it was like going to the Superbowl. We never did cool stuff when we were young because money, and since we both turned 30 this year we figured it was now or never. And it was amazing. I don't even really have words.
But now everything is kicked into high gear. I kind of expected to be exhausted for a couple of days, getting old and having lived hard for most of your teens and twenties will do that to you, but now it's four days later and I'm just locked up in a cycle of glaring at the fridge all day, then going back to bed and being achy and sad. My husband is working crazy hours right now and my friend went off to a medical conference out of state, so it's just me and the dog and my feelings.
Logically losing weight is not going to bring me back in time to the concert. It will not make me any younger. It even runs directly counter to the entire tour message.
ARMY wasn't triggering; the variety of ages and body types was actually kind of awesome. I even sat next to someone about my age who was probably the loudest of the bunch and we ugly-cried together during The Truth Untold, bonding experiences with strangers ftw. We kept running into ARMY all over town all night and even shared the best pizza I've ever tasted. And I only felt a small twinge of guilt about it, because of all the jumping and screaming the three hours before.
Also, some dealers tried to sell us pills outside of the Greyhound station which was actually hilarious. "You girls fuck with pills?" Nah bby, talk to me ten years ago and we might have had a party but my fat ass just wants to go home and sleep lol.
But now all I want is toothpick legs and baggy shirts. Like I'm not even that mad about it (looong accepted that The Cycle is just part of my life and I've never been dangerously underweight), because all I ever want even when I'm doing well is to be the prettiest of the girlfriends at my husband's family gatherings, but I really want the energy to at least get off the couch and smile instead of going back to bed every couple hours to watch fancams and cry. My nails look great. I'm well-lotioned. I'm a prune from hot baths. The last couple days I've been putting on make-up and dressing up for my husband to get home from work just to feel good about myself. But my head still hurts and I just don't want to feel like this.
I was HYPER AF and crazy motivated for the couple weeks before the show. Like, where did it go? Did I leave my spark in an empty pizza box in Chi-town? Did my happiness really just peak in the whirlwind of wedding/honeymoon/being in the same room as seven beautiful Korean men?
Maybe I'm getting a cold. I dunno. Thanks for listening, and just know that I'm still here dropping upvotes on all your body checks and bad days even if this account goes dark.
[Rant/Rave] My sister bakes all the time
/u/hollyy___ [5’08” | CW: 134lbs | BMI: 20.37 | WL: 21lbs | GW: 117lbs | 17F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 11:51:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lxwlk/my_sister_bakes_all_the_time/
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My sister is really into baking and she’s really good at it but damn she literally bakes a huge cake or something like every other day and then gives it to us to eat and obviously it’s kinda rude to refuse to try someone’s baking and she makes comments about how I don’t eat enough (we actually had a mini argument about it a few days ago) so she wouldn’t accept it if I said I didn’t want it or I’m full or something, especially because she knows I love cakes and stuff. Normally I can just avoid eating her food by leaving it and letting the rest of my family eat through it but tonight she made like a party cake sort of thing and we’re having a movie night so she wants to cut it up and give everyone a slice and it’s so big and it’s going to put me over my limit and just Yikes.
[Discussion] What is your daily kcal limit?
/u/Ednosonline [175 cm/5'9" | 65 kg/143,3 lbs | BMI 21,2 | -2 kg | Female]
Created: Sat Oct 6 11:28:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lxq42/what_is_your_daily_kcal_limit/
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Hi! From the proED research results I got really interested in hearing other stuff about people here in general. Could you quickly post what kind of kcal limit you set for yourself each day, IF you do that? No questioning of others' numbers, please!
I have mine on 1500 (Net, not total, meaning if I exercise, I might allow myself more.
The lower the better, obv.
[Discussion] What are some of your favorite songs to listen to that you relate to?
/u/Shewantstolive
Created: Sat Oct 6 10:57:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lxh2f/what_are_some_of_your_favorite_songs_to_listen_to/
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Fiona Apple - Paper Bag is one of my favorites to keep me focused on my goals . :)
[Help] Thanksgiving dinner tonight
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 95 | 17 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 10:54:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lxg4n/thanksgiving_dinner_tonight/
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Please send all the good vibes in the world, if I binge I know I’m going to feel horrible but I plan on drinking and I feel like all my control goes right out the window. Fml
[Help] YouTubers you watch for thinspo?
/u/thisgirlneedscontrol [6'0| CW : 239.2| -10.8 |BMI: 32.4| gf + vegan| Gender: F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 10:50:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lxev8/youtubers_you_watch_for_thinspo/
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It's Saturday, which means I'm planning my meals for next week and looking for inspiration.
Who do you watch on YouTube for body goals?
I'm curious, and I want to supercharge my restriction to not binge this weekend.
Any suggestions are welcome. <3
Dating
/u/norge_erkult [~5'8" (173 cm) | 145 | BMI 21.8 | -10 | GW 125 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 10:38:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lxbcy/dating/
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Hi, so...I dunno what exactly I'm expecting to get from this-- advice? commiseration? But basically I want to know if anyone else is experiencing something like what I'm dealing with right now and how they've overcome it, learned to change their thought patterns, how they've been able to trick themselves into maybe being slightly less disordered? I don't know.
So I'm a phd student at a stuffy ivy and my life is nonstop work, extreme stress, the usual shit that you'd expect. Plus an ED (exactly what I need on top of everything else) and this feeling that I need to uphold a certain physical image even in the academic world (make no mistake, academia can secretly or subtly be kind of brutal/judgemental about fat people in its own special ways, though I don't think it's talked about very explicitly). So a big part of me, especially as a woman, has this great fear of the ways that my bodily imperfections and the judgments that come along with it can affect my career. Shit is already fucked for women in this realm and unfortunately, the way that a woman presents herself physically is re-encoded as a means of assessing her competence, even if these things have *no* relationship whatsoever (e.g. I've noticed over time that perceptions of "looking smart" and seeming "in control" is to some degree related to apparent physical fitness).
Aside from that...I've been mostly single by choice for going on two years now. A lot of that is because I've chosen to make my life revolve around work. But a big part of it is also related to stress about my body. The pressure I'm under manifests in major binge cycles that make my weight fluctuate constantly and at times it stresses me enough that I have an extremely hard time leaving my house and seeing other people. This causes more than enough work problems but it also makes it nearly impossible for me to maintain a physical relationship for very long; whenever I gain weight (usually the same 5-10 pounds), I'm profoundly mentally affected and can't bear to see whoever I'm with at the time. I'll basically hide away and avoid them and destroy my relationships knowingly, but I also can't stop myself. I've ended two relationships with amazing potential in the last year because of shit like this. It's almost like eventually I reach the point where I feel like I can't handle the stress of being "accountable" to them and just decide to drop them. The frustrating thing is that this is probably all totally in my head-- the reality is that these people really wanted to be with me and probably would have continued to love me regardless of those fluctuations. But in my mind, I tell myself that they won't and can't. That they're secretly judging me the way that I judge myself.
I'm at the point where I'm fucking tired of this. I'm tired of isolating myself romantically because of my stupid fucking disorder. I know that I deserve to be loved and that I should take people at their word when they say that they're attracted to me.
Two things that encapsulate things now:
1. I've started to try to shift my behaviors over to higher levels of exercise so that I can balance myself out a little bit mentally, stay healthy, et cetera, and perhaps manage weight fluctuations a little better; however, though I feel like I can see positive differences in my body and my face, the scale tells me the opposite. My weight has been creeping up by like a pound a week and I am simultaneously freaking out and trying to rationalize it to myself. I ride my bike like 100 miles a week and have been tracking my calories religiously, changed my macros entirely. I should be losing something but I'm not. I tell myself that the scale is reflecting muscle mass gain and water retention from post-exercise inflammation, but I just don't fucking know and I can't get over the numbers. It's really doing my head in.
2. I've started seeing a new person who is amazing. Really, really amazing. I can tell that this is different; with other relationships, we rushed into things and I needed to drink a lot to be comfortable. But this is different-- we're taking it slow and he cares more about me and getting to know me deeply as a human being than about rushing into getting into my pants. It's still early on but I just...have a feeling that if I let it, we could be/have something really good. He's perfect but he plays on all of my body fears: he's tall and very thin and small-framed, and I probably weigh as much as he does. I'm already tall-ish and feel like a giant even when I'm not in higher weight ranges. I'm terrified that I'm going to fuck this up and I'm also terrified to like...reveal my body, I guess. I don't know. My weight creeping up (see above) has been amplifying this fear with every passing day. I'm so afraid that I'm going to destroy something amazing (again) before it even starts.
Sorry for the massive ramble. I just don't know what the fuck to do with myself and how to stop myself from being self-destructive and isolating. Have any of you experienced this? Have you found mantras or lines of reasoning that have been able to get you the fuck out of mental ruts like this? In the other relationships I've begun I've only been able to get over it at the start in really unhealthy ways-- e.g. by binge drinking and getting the physical intimacy aspect over with with my inhibitions completely gone. It isn't healthy and it shouldn't be the way that I go about things. I don't want it to be.
Ugh...I just don't know. Thanks for reading.
[Rant/Rave] when u eat 700 calories before 10am 🙃
/u/throwingaweight [🌸5’7” | CW:129 | BMI:20 | GW:120🌸]
Created: Sat Oct 6 10:35:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lxase/when_u_eat_700_calories_before_10am/
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my partner is in town, so i’m trying to appear so together and with it and normal but i’m like.... how do i explain that this is k i l l i n g.m e !!!
i can’t refuse to eat TWO 340 cal cinnamon rolls for breakfast if you made them for me as a treat of COURSE we should go get donuts of COURSE we should go out to dinner and get desserts to celebrate something something something....... it’s only been a week of this so far but i s2g i’m going to have to fast for all of november to get thru this month
[Rant/Rave] Snippet from diary entry rant. Trigger Warning,
/u/PrettyGirlsDontEat [5'8" | CW 131 | GW 100 | BMI 19 | -119 | F/22]
Created: Sat Oct 6 10:28:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lx8ro/snippet_from_diary_entry_rant_trigger_warning/
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TW: “Fake” eating disorders, suicide, transgender.
I would really like to preface this by saying this is a snippet from a 5 page long diary entry I did recently detailing how my life got as fucked up as it is. So some things said here might not make total sense, keep that in mind. I feel the need to share this, not for applause or sympathy or even help. I don’t even care if this gets no upvotes, or even if it gets downvoted. I want this part of me to be online. I just want to share this part of my brain that doesn’t stop ticking. These thoughts that I wake up with, go to sleep with, and dream about. I say a lot of harsh things in this. It also may seem like this is directed at someone. I wrote this entry to double as a suicide note if it came to that. I AM NOT PLANNING TO COMMIT SUICIDE. I just wanted to be able to have it for the future, in case I do. And in case someone cares enough to open up my iPad and read it. This post only gets more depressing from here onwards.
I’m about to be 24 and Ive accomplished nothing in my life. There’s nothing to really look forward to. I tried on my own to get help with the transgender thing last year, but I was blocked by these doctors who were gate keeping me. I confided in the psychiatrist about my eating disorder and they said they would proceed with any transgender treatment unless that was fixed first. I DONT EVEN HAVE AN EATING DISORDER. I am not underweight so I don’t qualify for anorexia, I don’t throw up (anymore) so I don’t qualify for bulimia. The best I could hope for is an OSFED atypical anorexia subtype diagnosis which is fancy talk for “eating disorder for people that don’t have an eating disorder.” So no, I don’t have an eating disorder. OSFED is fake, you aren’t in danger with OSFED. You’re usually at a healthy weight and just restrict sometimes. That’s about it. I cant even correctly have an eating disorder. I cant even restrict that hard anymore, I start getting really weak and nauseous, feeling like I’m going to vomit and die at the same time. I’m totally fake, I’m a fraud. I cant have a mental illness. I’m 135 at 5’6”, thats a totally normal and acceptable weight for someone my height. But the thing is, I AM STILL FAT. I am SO FUCKING FAT. I am basically fucking OBESE. I might as well be, I look like I’m fucking pregnant, especially when I eat. I cant have a bowl of fucking cheerios with almond milk without looking like I’m about to give birth afterwards. It’s sickening to me, my body is sickening. My neck has so much fat I could pass as being obese from the neck up, my arms have started to become toned from all the work I do at Home Depot and that fucking disgusts me to no fucking end. I swear to god it pisses me the fuck off so much I cant even keep my cool typing about it. I’m sitting here, I ate 10 hours ago, I’m hungry. Why am I hungry. I have no right to be hungry being this fucking fat. And the thing is I also don’t have the right to any sympathy for this. Because I don’t have a real disorder, I’m a fraud as I said before. So save feeling sad for someone that deserves it. Not that whoever is reading this could possibly understand an eating disorder anyway. Imagine studying for a test that you really want to pass. You study every day for years and you flunk the test. That’s my eating disorder. You think you put so much time into passing that test but you failed anyway. I even take loads of ephedrine at set intervals to prevent myself from feeling hungry, I drink coffee like its water, like I was trapped in the desert for 3 days without anything to drink. Ive been “addicted” to ephedrine for the better part of two years as well. To describe the eating disorder, imagine being literally AFRAID of food. Like you have to eat but you’re afraid to. Every time you reach for something to eat there’s a voice in your head telling you that you’re a gigantic fat ass, that you’re worthless, that you cant control basic impulses. Knowing that all you have to do to lose weight is literally do nothing at all and it’ll go away but not being able to do NOTHING. Imagine not being able to eat in front of people, not even your own family, because you have this super bad anxiety that you feel in your chest like butterflies saying that if they see you eat anything at all ever that you’re fat, that they’ll judge you, that they’ll hate you. You think they’ll make comments about what you eat, when you eat and how you eat even if they’ve never said anything like it in the past. It’s like that fear you had as a kid about monsters in the closet or under the bed, or when you’re in the dark basement and the light switch is at the bottom of the stairs so you flip it and run up because obviously the crazy axe murderer was hiding and waiting for you to turn the lights off to come out. It’s that feeling but about food. Being scared of your basic human needs. These are the thoughts that consume my brain almost 24/7 and the only escape I have is to play video games. I should also mention the sheer toll that being previously obese took on my body. My back is permanently fucked up, It’s in so much pain all the time. I’m in pain now, laying in bed, writing this. I’m in so much pain Ive been deemed disabled and given a medical marijuana card because I didn’t want opiates. And there’s the toll that all the restricting has taken on my body, I am significantly weaker than I should be, I can barely lift 20 pounds most days. I am so fucking weak I cant even open soda bottles sometimes, I needed pliers once to get one open. Yet here I sit at a healthy weight. My legs feel weak and I often feel faint like I’m going to collapse at any moment. When shit like this happens I pop two Bronkaid and struggle on. Only to usually fast for a few days and absolutely destroy food afterwards and lose no weight in the process. I cant properly digest food anymore either. I eat one thing and its like a rock in my fucking stomach for many many hours. As I wrote earlier I ate 10 hours ago, now 11, and though I am hungry I can still feel the food inside of me, sloshing around. I can eat one meal a day and be completely fine. But my body, it hungers for food. Even when I finish eating I’m still hungry, even when I finish three sandwiches on a binge, an entire large bag of Doritos, half a pack of Oreos, cake, and two large diet Snapple’s I could still eat afterwards. I cant sleep while restricting, its common in people with real eating disorders to have insomnia. I couldn’t sleep which is why I decided to even write all this in the first place. But why do I even have symptoms of anorexia if I don’t have anorexia. I don’t qualify, OSFED is a diet eating disorder. I shouldn’t be feeling these things but I do. But Ill never take it seriously because every time I eat I prove to myself that I’m fine. That I’m healthy. That I don’t deserve sympathy. And I don’t want sympathy anyway, I just want to be in control of my weight, I just want to be skinny. It’s my dream that one day I could be a skinny hot girl and date someone that can take care of me. Not that I’m lazy, far from it. It’s just thats the kind of life I desire. And its not even that my standards are high either. I don’t need to date some supermodel guy or girl that makes millions. I just want to date someone that lives comfortably and understands me. I will never find someone like that. I’m all alone and I will be until the end of time. I once had a girlfriend who also had an eating disorder and was also transgender but she killed her self November 23rd 2016. Now I really am alone. Now and forever. Again, no sympathy for me. Why don’t I just download tinder and find someone. How would I avoid my own family finding my profile on tinder, there’s no way I could put any real information about myself in the profile. And how can I pose as my real self when my real self is an unlovable monster
[Rant/Rave] Peach rant.
/u/KillingKylie [5'5| Pissing off my family|F|GW:93]
Created: Sat Oct 6 10:28:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lx8kf/peach_rant/
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Why did Peach for from a solid eating disorder community to a Borderline Personality Disorder community with people who happen to have eating disordered behavior?
That place is toxic and pathetic as hell for people who do not have BPD. Too bad.
Cannot stop thinking of food
/u/mrzhn
Created: Sat Oct 6 10:25:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lx7s5/cannot_stop_thinking_of_food/
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I don’t particularly have an eating disorder. I try to eat healthy balanced meals. However, I cannot stop thinking about food and watching cooking tutorials. I have a very important exam in 2 weeks, yet I think about food a lot!
I wonder is it because I fast every now and then, and try to restrict my calories? Anyways, how do I stop?
[Help] What do you do to feel better after gaining weight?
/u/fear0fthemango [172cm| 45kg| 15.2 | 13kg| F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 10:10:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lx3os/what_do_you_do_to_feel_better_after_gaining_weight/
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So I got down to my LW way too fast and got hit by extreme hunger, making me binge and gain about 3kg. To get out of this binge cycle, I’m eating maintenance for a day and then cutting down my calories until I can go back to my normal level. The problem is that my weight gain is extremely noticeable because it’s all in my legs, so I’m extremely depressed. How do you guys deal with weight gain? It’s going to take me about 2 weeks to get back to my LW and idk how to handle feeling so fat every day.
I fell off the wagon
/u/cherryxnut
Created: Sat Oct 6 10:09:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lx3au/i_fell_off_the_wagon/
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Or onto it... depending on how you view an ED. Gained 7 pounds from a week and half of bingeing. Why is it so much easier to gain than lose? But I’ve been ok this week, I am getting back my control.
[Rant/Rave] I just ate a packet of stevia fml
/u/Yoni1660
Created: Sat Oct 6 10:06:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lx2jd/i_just_ate_a_packet_of_stevia_fml/
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I’ve never had stevia before, and I was so hungry I ripped open a packet and poured half in my mouth before the horrible taste set in and now I want to puke. At least I’m not hungry anymore. Anyone else do crazy stuff because you’re so hungry you’re not thinking right?
[Discussion] (NSFW) Anyone else feel slightly more confident after having sex?
/u/DiabolicalFruits [5'5 | CW: 150 | GW: 120 | -10 lbs | 18F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 09:41:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lwv98/nsfw_anyone_else_feel_slightly_more_confident/
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I always put off having sex cause I thought it would be the opposite, that I was too fat and any guy would be disgusted by me(despite evidence to the contrary, stupid brain). But I finally just said "fuck it" and did it, and...it turned out really well?? Like, he loved my body and couldn't keep his hands off of me. Idk, it just feels good to think maybe I'm not nearly as fat as I thought I was and could be deemed attractive.
Still gonna lose some more weight though, lol. Anyone else feel/felt like this though?
[Rant/Rave] Relationship Rollercoasters and Dumpster Food
/u/kimberlyjackson98 [5'4 | CW 206.4 lbs | HW 233.9 | 36.12 | GW 195 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 09:35:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lwtrv/relationship_rollercoasters_and_dumpster_food/
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My boyfriend and I have had a tumultuous last couple of days. Lots of unresolved relationship issues and stress and this recent Venus in retrograde isn’t making it easier. I bought our favorite fried chicken yesterday (Korean fried chicken which is super healthy and delicious) but he wanted nothing to do with the food since I paid with my sexwork money. I think I got through one chicken strip before I gave up on eating because I hate doing it alone and I just threw $30 dollars of food away because I couldn’t be bothered to eat in a stressed mindset. So in my 44 hours deep I. My fast and I gave up. We went home. Later on though after we made up we both admitting to still being hungry and I said how much I felt like a dumbass for throwing all that food away.
Honestly I love my boyfriend so much he went down to our apartment dumpster with me and helped me retrieve the bag of chicken and ate it with me. Luckily the dumpster was empty and our bag was untouched! We went upstairs and feasted. The first food I had eaten to break my fast. It was disgustingly glorious. I’ve honestly have stooped to such new lows in my life recently. Like I know now that dumpster food isn’t even my rock bottom.. wtf 😂 this is not normal
Roommate doesn't drink water with food?
/u/ketokitty13
Created: Sat Oct 6 09:27:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lwrku/roommate_doesnt_drink_water_with_food/
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Yesterday we were out eating and I asked her if she wanted me to get her a water and she says no, stating that she's trying not to drink water with her meals anymore. I didn't probe because I don't like to make people feel like they have to justify their actions........but I'm still curious. Is this a digestive thing? A weight thing?? Anyone who's ever heard of this let me know!
[Discussion] What is the most weight you’ve gained in a short amount of time From binging ?
/u/Shewantstolive
Created: Sat Oct 6 09:22:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lwq6k/what_is_the_most_weight_youve_gained_in_a_short/
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In under two weeks I’ve gained 15 pounds binging the fuck out. I’m making this post because I need to fucking stop binging but I feel so fucking out of control. I feel like a monster and definitely at this weight I’m not even human anymore . God fucking dam it . I need to seriously get out of this cycle , it’s killing me . This happens when I eat whatever I want and don’t use laxatives . And for some reason this time most of my weight gain is going all to my thighs which fucking is horrible in itself ! I think I’m going to have a panic attack .
[Rant/Rave] My mum did that wrist circle thingy and I didnt like it
/u/LynCross [152.5cm | BMI: 26.6 | CW: 137lbs | GW: 110 lbs| UGW: 100 lbs | F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 09:10:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lwmul/my_mum_did_that_wrist_circle_thingy_and_i_didnt/
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my mum noticed my weight loss this morning enough to do the wrist thingy. I can tell she's proud of me for losing weight, but I was also scared she'd notice. She doesn't know what happens in school so I can get away with little eating with excuses.
I still dont think Im thin enough because of my other body parts nor do I notice a significant weight loss.
I also check myself with body checking, staring at the mirror, weighing myself every morning, and that wrist circle thingy.
Thanks mum for making me self conscious but also for noticing my weight loss.
I’m almost the same weight as the bitch he cheated on me with
/u/alwaysrelapsing17
Created: Sat Oct 6 09:07:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lwm4n/im_almost_the_same_weight_as_the_bitch_he_cheated/
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My ex fucked one of my so-called friends while we were exclusive. She weighs 119 lbs and I weighed 126. But I weighed in this morning at 120, and it feels SO fucking good to know in a week I will be thinner than her. I know 120 isn’t that great, but someday I’ll hit double digits and I’ll be way hotter than her. This is amazing motivation. Wish me luck everyone!
haha best appetite suppressant ever
/u/CorrithLavellan [6'0" | 181.8 lb | 24.66/23.70 | -19.4 | 21F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 08:45:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lwges/haha_best_appetite_suppressant_ever/
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I decided to take a tab of ecstacy since I've been having such a shitty week. I wanted to feel good for a couple hours.
Boyo I came off it last night, smoked a little weed to prevent the crippling post-depression, managed to sleep, and now im just so empty.
I dont want to do anything besides lay in my bed in my covers.
But the good news is food doesn't even have flavor. My FAVORITE FOODS have no flavor. It's all textures. And those textures are horrible. Part of me wants this to last forever just so I dont eat lmao
I took a bite of ice cream, it just tasted like ice crystals and weird soggy chocolate flakes. Ramen tasted like squishy, bland worms. Rice cakes have the texture of a sponge even when coated in my favorite salsa.
Sorry this is a rant about absolutely nothing. I'm alone in my apartment and empty inside and I thought posting might make me feel a little less so...
lmfao im a failure
/u/itsoobak
Created: Sat Oct 6 08:42:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lwfoa/lmfao_im_a_failure/
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I told myself and this sub id restrict to 500 calories a day until my birthday and have still been eating over 3k a day IM NOT EVEN HUNGRY the food doesn’t even taste good im sabotaging my entire summers worth of effort i wanna die :( however i have plans to meet with this super cute guy on halloween (we live super far from eachother) and im thinking ... thats a real solid motivation thing how much weight could i theoretically lose by halloween if i eat the bare minimum :||| ive been treating this sub like a rant/vent dump and i feel terrible but literally only you guys understand poor relationships with food my mom was like “why dont you just stop eating if you get fat” thanks momm
Question about body dysmorphia?
/u/TinyJarOfRocks [5’1 | CW 107 GW 95]
Created: Sat Oct 6 08:11:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lw7up/question_about_body_dysmorphia/
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Hello! I’ve struggled with an ED for the better part of the last 10 years or so. Despite this I’ve had few issues with body image, I could acknowledge I wasn’t fat and that my face was okay. I just desired to be skinny, yknow? I liked the control and the look of it.
Anyway recently I’ve been successfully losing weight. I’m down three lbs, some of my clothes fit more loosely, but despite this I feel like I am still massive, and I feel like I look like I’m gaining weight. Every time I look in the mirror I feel like my belly grows.
My question is, I suppose, is this body dysmorphia? It’s such a strange feeling. Or could I actually be gaining weight in one place and losing it in others??!
[Discussion] TMI But...
/u/Coldcoffeepls
Created: Sat Oct 6 08:10:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lw7jl/tmi_but/
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Does anyone else get raging anxiety that causes them the shit their brains out? Because same
The more weight I lose, the fatter I feel.
/u/butahoopoe
Created: Sat Oct 6 08:05:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lw6b2/the_more_weight_i_lose_the_fatter_i_feel/
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I have plenty of weight to lose, I’m just barely entering a healthy weight from the top end, and I know I’m still literally fat. At the same time, I’m a lot smaller than I was, at my smallest since junior high actually, and down like 6 pant sizes from my heaviest.
But now, all I can see is how fat I still am. I’m dismayed and ashamed and embarrassed by how big my pants still are, and I can’t believe I ever wore 6 sizes larger than this. I feel I need to be at least 2 sizes smaller to even be average sized.
It’s this weird thing where I feel better, I know I’m more fit, I’m 1000% more in control of my body, and yet I feel tangibly fatter than I’ve ever felt. I feel disgusting, and like I definitely need to lose a lot more weight.
At my high weight, I’d be all body positivity and I just want to feel good, maybe if 20 lbs came off me naturally, that’d be fine, but not my goal. Now that I’m 80ish lbs down from my consistent high weight (and 100lbs down from my actual high weight), I’m like fuck yes, how can I lose 30 more pounds, because holy shit I needed to, like yesterday.
Ugh. This is some kind of mind fuck. Can anyone relate?
[Discussion] For those who eat less than 600cals a day
/u/aha98 [160cm CW: 132.6lbs LW: ~115lbs GW: 105lbs F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 07:48:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lw2dy/for_those_who_eat_less_than_600cals_a_day/
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What does your typical day look like?
[Help] Help! low calorie tiki drinks?
/u/BladderPatrol
Created: Sat Oct 6 07:40:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lw0fw/help_low_calorie_tiki_drinks/
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I won’t drag you guys down with the details, but I’m going out to eat for every meal today (I’m not too concerned about this) before going out to THREE TO FOUR tiki bars.
Fuck! This means I’ll have to get at least one drink at each location (it’s only myself and 3 others so I have to order).
Does anyone know of tiki drinks that are at least a little lower in calories compared to the really intense liquid calorie bombs? Or at least ones to avoid!
[Discussion] What’s the most weight you’ve lost in a week
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 |CW 118 | GW 115 | GW 105-110 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 07:31:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lvyf3/whats_the_most_weight_youve_lost_in_a_week/
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I’m just curious about you guys and what’s the most you’ve lost in a week. I wanna lose 3 pounds and plan on doing mono this week.
[Other] Has anyone here done research studies?
/u/bmalaur [5'4" | 24F | HW: 127 | CW: 103 | LW: 85]
Created: Sat Oct 6 07:13:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lvum9/has_anyone_here_done_research_studies/
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I've been sorta desperate trying to find some kind of evidence-based treatment for adult anorexia & feeling hopeless.
I noticed that since I'm in a major city several of the universities and hospitals here have ongoing research trials... maybe I can help others and make some extra cash getting MRIs on my stupid brain.
Has anyone else done these out of curiosity?
[Rant/Rave] 'I'm proud of you for maintaining'
/u/emotional_low [164cm | CW: 124lbs | -57lbs | F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 06:54:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lvqbi/im_proud_of_you_for_maintaining/
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So this happened sometime last week, but it's been bouncing around my head ever since and I just can't forget it.
I was talking to my best friend about my disordered behaviors, and how I wanted to try and stop and get better. I can't really remember much about the conversation other than I said I had been B/Ping more than restricting, so I had virtually maintained my weight over summer.
After I said my bit and vented to her she said 'I'm proud of you for maintaining' (or something similar to that, I'm bad at remembering specific details, sorry :( ).
AGH. In all honesty I felt crappier this summer than I ever have done. I'm in a worse place when I'm B/Ping than when I'm restricting. At least with restriction there's hope that someone will reach out and help because I'll finally be 'sick enough', or that I might finally lose enough to feel good about myself. When I B/P I just feel like shit. The health consequences are also just as bad from B/Ping than from restricting too. B/P cycles are just shit.
So why was she proud? Did she somehow think it had gotten better all because I maintained? I felt like screaming that maintaining was NOT MY GOAL and that I 100% did not maintain on purpose. I just kinda murmured thank you and changed the subject.
I'm still really triggered by it rn though.
​
Ooof anyways, what do you guys think of this?
​
Does anyone go by weekly average?
/u/Appolinaris9
Created: Sat Oct 6 06:54:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lvq4e/does_anyone_go_by_weekly_average/
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I thought about this before but usually dismissed the idea because I usually like to just eat whatever I want (as little as I can, as much as I allow myself) and see where I end up while having a daily upper limit. But I just got thinking, and of course I'd love to save my wrecked metabolism and up my calories, but still feel like restricting, so If I ate to a limit of say 900 a week, then restricted to 250 twice a week, I'd average in 714 calories weekly. And because those are upper limits, I would be usually under.
Does anyone do this and do you think this has actual benefits to the metabolism? Or is it easier just to stick to a daily limit?
[Help] Weight gain or water retention
/u/su22a
Created: Sat Oct 6 06:52:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lvppd/weight_gain_or_water_retention/
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Hi guys! I’ve been lurking for a while but just made an account just to post this because I’m sort of freaking out.
I weighed myself two weeks ago and found that I had nearly undone ALL my process of the summer through a week of binging. I was 112, and then haven’t had an opportunity to weigh myself since then.
I haven’t had any major binges (!!!) but have had a few higher cal days. I also don’t log every thing I eat so even though I would say most days are logged at about 800, I’ve probably been eating at about an average of 1000 or 1100 a day. According to the app I use, this should still be enough to lose about a pound or pound and a half a week.
This morning, I finally had a chance to weigh myself and I’m fucking 113. I don’t understand how this is even possible, I don’t feel or look bloated, is it possible that my metabolism is so messed up that I’ve been eating high enough to gain??
Does anyone have any suggestions on how to decipher if this is weight gain or just bloating?? I’m just freaking out right now, I just had a mini binge on about 300 cals of chocolate and it’s only 10 a.m :(
[Discussion] question for y'all about confidence levels while in binge/restrict cycles
/u/arthroego
Created: Sat Oct 6 06:46:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lvohw/question_for_yall_about_confidence_levels_while/
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so i've noticed through the past 3-4 significant losses (160 -> 140, 180 -> 145, 157 -> 134, 164 -> 140) weirdly, i feel most confident mid binging/gaining back when im avoiding the scale and putting on 10 lbs a month, and its at the absolute rock bottom while losing weight no matter what my LW for the restrict cycle is.
my confidence is absolutely so down its in the core of the earth when i'm restricting/losing, even though i look objectively better/get more compliments and attention.. like its actually harder for me to date/keep a dick appointment when im restricting because i am so VISIBLY self conscious, like even according to guys ive been fucking a while when im losing weight the visible self hatred basically cancels out the weight loss in terms of making me more attractive. so wtf? i feel like i should hate myself more when im binging and gaining, and at a certain threshold, i do and start losing, but when im restricting i hate my body so much and get such bad dysmorphia that just gets worse and worse when i lose and i feel like my brains straight up broken.
like im 140 rn, i was 162-3 less than 2 months ago, and i literally thought i was the biggest girl at this party and i made a joke about it and my friend was like ??????????? and pointed out a couple people i was allegedly thinner than and i just... cannot see it period. whereas when im binging gaining weight i feel like i can see my body more candidly/without tons of dysmorphia. its making me crazy and frustrated and i feel like it should be the opposite and im broken lol.
anyone get this? or would like to talk about their average confidence through restricting vs binging if its different? im curious but also would like to feel less alone in this because its so frustrating lmaoooo
[Rant/Rave] Obese and morbidly obese youtubers are fucking my head up.
/u/rattles-snakes
Created: Sat Oct 6 06:25:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lvk2o/obese_and_morbidly_obese_youtubers_are_fucking_my/
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This may be incoherent, sorry.
Like most of I am a HUGE (hah) watcher of shows like Supersize vs Superskinny, my 600lb life, secret eaters, the biggest loser, several competitive eating chanels (Matt Stonie) and several HAES "movement" members.
Typically when watching obese/morb obese people eat I feel 0 sympathy or empathy,they made the choice to get to their size, to publicly share their efforts to change size, and then to continue to eat shit in the public eye claiming they dont know how they are staying the same size. It is an anger that pushes me through my hardest days to keep on track.
Recently I've been watching a youtuber called Amerlynn Reid who is almost 600 lbs and gaining despite having been on a "weight loss journey" her entire youtube career- 7 years.
She terrifies me.
She honestly seems to believe she isnt eating enough to maintain, let alone lose, weight despite sharing her minimum 2,000 calorie a day diet half of which she doesn't log as calories.
I see so much of myself in her.
The excuses, the disheartening feeling of not knowing why, the shame, the confusion, the addiction to anything that makes you feel good for a second but angry and guilty for a life time, the dependency. She reminds me of me when I was an addict, to drugs not food, and scares me that I'm only one cheat snack away from following in her gigantic footsteps.
Lose weight better with carbs than with keto?
/u/linedryonly [5'5"♀| CW 130 | SW 145 | LW 102 | GW 110]
Created: Sat Oct 6 06:14:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lvhr2/lose_weight_better_with_carbs_than_with_keto/
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I've tried keto in various forms a few times, but always fail. I feel ravenously hungry, feverish, and grumpy and I have never made it past 48 hours.
Every time I successfully restrict for a long period of time, it's when I'm eating 50%-70% of my calories from carbs. I'm never hungry as long as I have adequate electrolytes/caffeine and I can go on for weeks and months without getting any of the keto symptoms.
Does anyone else's body react to carbs/protein this way? I really want to master keto, but since I'm losing weight and maintaining energy on carbs, I'm wondering if it's even worth it. Is my body just weird?
[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! October 06, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Oct 6 06:11:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lvh7z/stupid_questions_saturday_october_06_2018/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for October 06, 2018.
Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.
Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**
*****
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! October 06, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Oct 6 06:10:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lvgxf/daily_food_diary_october_06_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for October 06, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Discussion] UPDATE
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 |CW 118 | GW 115 | GW 105-110 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 05:53:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lvdjc/update/
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Neither the smooth move tea nor the salt water flush made me go: I’m salty. I guess I’ll use two tea bags and let it steep for 15 rather than 10 minutes.
[Help] I can’t stop eating please help me
/u/twa1238 [F25| 158cm | CW 🐄 |]
Created: Sat Oct 6 05:21:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lv7tm/i_cant_stop_eating_please_help_me/
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So two days ago my parents said some really really really hurtful things and some other stuff happened and I think it triggered a small nervous breakdown or something. I was pretty tense anyway because I had (mini) binged for the first time in over two months and gained weight so it hit me even harder. Yesterday I binged again, but like.. a real binge. I‘m very good at restricting usually and my house is filled with snacks and ice cream and all and I ate everything and what I didn’t get before I fell asleep I ate today
I have no safe foods left (they’re not safe anymore anyway I guess since I binged on them), and I can’t even bring up the energy to go and try purging (but I just downed a box of cereal so I really should)
My body hurts and I still want to eat so much I don’t know what to do. I gained so much weight, I was under my gw and now I’m at the weight I was THREE weeks ago.
How can I stop myself from eating please help me I’m completely freaking out I can’t go back to being fat but I can’t stop eating and crying about eating and then eating more
[Discussion] DAE woosh after a binge?
/u/lighghtup [5'7" | 177 | 27.6 | 19F | thicc]
Created: Sat Oct 6 03:50:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lusna/dae_woosh_after_a_binge/
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i was fasting all day yesterday and had oatmeal at like 10pm, which then led me to order mcdonalds and binge like 2k (darn you ubereats for your conveniency).
the next morning i woke up and told myself i’d restrict until the next millennium but i looked the skinniest i had been in weeks ?? science explain
[Help] Too afraid to go to the doctor's because I'm afraid of coming to terms with what I've done to myself, but still not sick enough to go because I've gained weight
/u/peanutbutterismylife [5'6" | CW: 86 | BMI: 13.9 | 21 / F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 03:43:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lurl0/too_afraid_to_go_to_the_doctors_because_im_afraid/
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I have had AN b/p type for coming up on 5 years now. The last time I saw a doctor for a legitimate check up was 4 years ago when I was in IP. The last time I saw a dentist was also 4 years ago when I got my wisdom teeth removed. The last time I saw a psychiatrist was 3 years ago before I left for college. I've seen my OP psychologist sporadically when I've come home from breaks.
I like to kid myself that I am in great health, because on paper I am. Pretty much all I eat is fruit and veggies and vegetarian proteins. I run 30-40 miles a week (since I'm low key slacking ever since I started work). In reality, I b/p multiple times a week (used to be multiple times a day, so I guess slight improvement?), I haven't been above 95 pounds in 5 years, and I've had my period about 4 times throughout that same duration. I can tell the enamel on my front teeth is really worn down, but I pretend that I have the same "great teeth genes" that got my dad through the first 26 years of his life in a refugee camp without ever seeing a dentist and never having a cavity. Mentally, I have not progressed toward recovery in the slightest. I stopped taking the psych meds prescribed to me in IP because they were too expensive and made me unable to sleep.
And for the last 3 years, any time the subject of my health came up, I said that going to the doctor / dentist / whatever was too expensive and I couldn't afford it without insurance. While I did have insurance, it was through my dad, so any time a reimbursement came it would go to him and he would just pocket the cash.
But now I have a job with a great salary, and great insurance to boot, and I am too fucking scared of what might be wrong with me to go. And at the same time, I'm too embarrassed to call myself an anorexic because I'm almost 10 pounds higher than my lowest weight of 78lbs. I keep telling myself that I can see a doctor and go to my old psych when I'm back at my LW, because until then there's nothing wrong with me.
I don't really know what the point of this post is since the obvious answer is "go to the doctor you mellow dramatic bitch," but I have had a constant battle in my head ever since I first got sick of rational "you are destroying your health" and eating disorder "you're not even ill," and this sub is the only place that would be able to relate. What would you do in my shoes?
Thanks for reading the wall of text if you managed to make it this far, and have a great weekend. Love you all! <3
[Help] Feeling stuffed
/u/AspergersAndCoffee [5'2F | CW spooky scary skeleton | Recovering (?)]
Created: Sat Oct 6 03:34:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9luq8r/feeling_stuffed/
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Whether post-binge, extreme hunger or for those already used to small meals, after a 'regular' one, how do you feel better quicker? (I just started recovering and eat a ton. But when I'm satisfied, my stomach is stuffed! It doesn't feel well lol)
[Help] I’m so afraid of what might happen
/u/Charlotte_8
Created: Sat Oct 6 02:27:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9luflm/im_so_afraid_of_what_might_happen/
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I was fine. I was in recovery and have been since February but I stopped eating on Monday. I want to eat so badly. But my brain and my body scream conflicting things at me. Even my brain can’t agree on what it wants. I used to be able to eat chocolate and crisps and Brest and butter and pb and j sanwitches and cheese and now even when I tried to raise a rice cake to my mouth I get a wave of nausea and panic and throw it away. I didn’t realise it would come back so fast.
(I’ve currently been fasting for 108 hours and I want to break it so badly. I want to eat but I can’t. I just can’t stop. )
My previous desires of weight loss have also come up again. I was alright with where I was but now I just want to starve until I either become skinny or die and I’m so afraid
[Rant/Rave] I hate that food exists lol
/u/pinkdonutdemon
Created: Sat Oct 6 02:00:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lubhh/i_hate_that_food_exists_lol/
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I’m getting stressed to the point of crying about planning my meals for the next few days. Literally just because my family invited me to lunch & dad invited me to breakfast. On top of that there’s so much food I’m gonna have to eat from my fridge because it’s about to go off, BUT I don’t have the right ingredients to make what I Iike and eating something I don’t enjoy is the worst feeling ever for me. I hate how such a simple fucking thing like a meal with my loved ones/ wasting food makes me want to die. I’m painfully aware of how absolutely fucking ridiculous these problems are too and it makes it even worse because I can’t change how i feel about it. I feel extra horrible because when I’m in this anxious stressy mood I’m a cunt to everyone around me and end up ruining other people’s mood too.
[Intro] Can I just tell you all what I've been wanting to say for 5 years now?
/u/2AMChiliSoap
Created: Sat Oct 6 01:45:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lu992/can_i_just_tell_you_all_what_ive_been_wanting_to/
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Possibly content warning for suicide mentions and stuff. I hope I'm not breaking any rules?
I have been lurking for a long time on a pretty-decently sized account. That account was riddled with posts to certain self-help subreddits. I've had that account longer than I've had this ED. I didn't discover this subreddit until this year.
For the first time, I just.. want to talk about this. I've only told my private accounts, but I really just want to spill my shit.
My ED started when I was 16. I weighed 152. I would skip lunch and sip on crystal light with my friend, and I never weighed myself. I was inspired by the severe depression-related weight loss I had in 8th grade. I didn't get very far.
It came back harder and harder every summer with my depression-related weight loss. Every time I'd lose, I'd gain far far more. My ED came back around winter break, freshman year of college. I'd do OMAD at night, and I dropped so much. I gained ALL of that back within a few days because I ate whole pizzas and I hated myself. Every single day, I wanted to die, because of this binging shit. I have stretchmarks that remind me how I've starved and then binged and then starved and binged. New red lines pop up when I gain. They have reached past my belly button. I haven't seen new lines since March 2018, so that's good.
I've been doing OMAD for a few months, and I went from 185 to 135 between that time. I didn't realize how much weight I've lost until I came back to my mom's and I checked the scale. In July, I was 148. In August, I was 135. I haven't had my woosh yet, and ideally, I'd like to stop at 125. But I said that at 135, and I am still unhappy.
I can't go to parties without being flustered, and I don't eat the whole day to make sure I look better than everyone else. That's my thing, I just want to be the prettiest girl in the room. For so, so long, I was the ugliest one. I look at old pictures of myself and want to cry. I just want to, for once, be the pretty one out of my friend group. Not feel insecure. I just want to be beautiful.
As I lose weight, my confidence comes back. I don't look the same as I did. This time around, I have so much more knowledge than when I did when I was just sipping crystal light and not eating all day and hating my life. I know about TDEEs and electrolytes. I didn't know that last summer, and I passed out on campus and had to lay there while I tried not to black out.
In a way, I'm almost regretful that I know so much more about how to live while being this ill, but I'd rather do it as healthy as possible than not at all.
I guess about me: I'm vegetarian, I'm trying to be as vegan as possible. I'm 5'3", 135 (Was 185 when I ended my binge cycle in Jan '18) This is the lowest weight I've ever been in in my life (well, since I started measuring, as I started my ED at 152.) I feel like I latch onto this so hard because it's the only thing in my life I can control right now. People treat you differently when you're prettier and thinner and well put-together. You get free food, you get better scored in job interviews. I know that under all of this, there is someone who is a beautiful girl, and I know that one day I'll see that girl without the aid of me restricting and fasting, but it's just unrealistic right now.
I dunno, I just want so badly to be neurotypical... but like, I also want to be skinny and pretty and respected as well. Being neglected in life due to your appearance takes a toll, and when someone finally respects you and sees that you look normal enough to talk to and not even on no superficial shit, it feels good to be treated... like a human. People have admitted to avoiding me because of how I looked and how sloppy I was. I don't want to be that anymore. I don't know what I want... all I know is I'm finally ready to talk about this after 5-6 years.
I turn 21 in March. I feel pathetic for being on sites like this and MPA STILL, but... I am here.
I made a peach too for quick little ramblings about how I hate my shitty mental illnesses @chilidabrat
​
How does one stop the obsession?
/u/Appolinaris9
Created: Sat Oct 6 01:22:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lu5dv/how_does_one_stop_the_obsession/
---
I'm SO ANNOYED about how my brain is ruminating about food stuff and losing weight all day. I can't have conversations or do basic human stuff and I'm dropping out of fucking uni because of this. It's not even just when I restrict too much, but also in binge cycles.
Yesterday I went out with friends to see a movie, and one got a giant big bag of M&Ms, it sat next to her all the time and she grabbed maybe two or three pieces throught all the movie. She probably just forgot about them. Then just nonchalantly packeg them into her back when we left. All while I had the worst binge urges and when I got home, raid the whole kitchen. Ugh. I'm so jealous of people like her :(
[Rant/Rave] Relapse Rant Possibly Triggering
/u/watercolorhoney [5'2 | CW:137 | GW:115 | Female]
Created: Sat Oct 6 01:05:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lu2ig/relapse_rant_possibly_triggering/
---
This is a Rant, about how I relapsed recently. I'm not currently doing very well, so if this post is a mess it reflects how my brain is functioning right about now.
After 2 years of no bulimia impulses and fighting the urge when they came, yesterday I finally cracked. I forgot how addictive the feeling was. How much I essentially craved doing it. I finally just caved in from all the stress and my body dysmorphia just harassing me all day. I was itching in my skin to just fix it.
Today, I couldn't go without 10 minutes of just focusing on my food. I couldn't get myself to eat anything that I didn't know the calories of. I had to revert back to my safe foods to be able to eat without having the urge to just vomit everything. I had to track everything down to the ounce. I couldn't function without putting everything into my fitness pal. My dysmorphia makes it where I can't even look in the mirror without seeing a pudgy fat horrible person. All I can see is just the overweight version. My stomach feels upset and bloated.
The worst part of this fucking addiction is that purging just relieves everything. All my stress just seems to go away, but then that undeniable anger and resentment towards myself just creeps in when that euphoria disappears. I can already feel myself settling back into my old habits. I struggled to convince myself to eat normally around my boyfriend. I feel like the only thing that can take away all my worry and anxiety is restricting and then purging when I eat anything.
I CAN'T DO THIS TO MYSELF. I CAN'T DO THIS TO MY BOYFRIEND. I can't let this control my life again.
I feel so so weak. So angry. So very alone.
​
[Discussion] I’m a loser.
/u/conuretrash [5'3.5''| 20 F | CW 148 | GW 115| -42 |]
Created: Sat Oct 6 01:00:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lu1mj/im_a_loser/
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I’m fat and ugly and my body is so gross. I’m overweight and I hate myself. On top of it all I’m actually a loser with no friends. Just thought you should all know I’m not pretty like anyone here. I’m ugly on the inside, too. I feel so fake posting here when I’m so fat and ugly and this sub is for anyone. I don’t have any friends I don’t have a life I have nothing. I’m sorry to be alive. I’m ashamed.
Im sick and tired
/u/minicemilo [Height:167cm| CW:51kg| BMI:18.3 | GW:47kg| Gender:F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 00:53:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lu0ew/im_sick_and_tired/
---
I was so obsessed with counting calories and weighing myself. I still remembered avoiding water because i will gain weight. Looking back, i have improved as i’m not that particular about how much kcal i can eat (but i still restrict). Im just tired of hearing this from my mom “We need to see the doctor again. You’re period isn’t here yet.” Like yes i know that. I’m trying so hard everyday to eat more but I always fail whenever i see my weight... Back then i was 49kg.. I looked dead but man at least i didn’t feel that negative about myself... I have a qn though, if you’re recovered, how long did it take for your period to come back? And did you increase your food intake or nah?
[Help] Hi - new and socially anxious!
/u/bluehair-redboots
Created: Sat Oct 6 00:38:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ltxx1/hi_new_and_socially_anxious/
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So, I’ve been lurking here for a while now and you guys seem really nice soooo... I’m saying something. I might go back to lurking, but hey ho, hi for now! I have had disordered eating for a while, but nothing I’ve ever been willing to classify as an ED, regardless of my level of restricting - bc, you know, I’m totally fine, just lost weight due to digestion problems/not hungry/healthy diet. Hahaha. I’m not going to go into a whole backstory at the moment bc at the end of the day, it’s all a tldr, different version of the same story.
I’m posting now because I feel awful. My boyfriend just got an amazing opportunity and I’m so proud of him. Part of that opportunity includes a bit of being on stage. He was one of those skinny as a rail kids who gained weight as he grew up and became less active and one of his first reactions to the stage thing was “I have to lose weight.”
What do I say? Not “You’re ridiculous, you look great, don’t even think about it.” Of course, ever so helpful ED-brain says, “Oh! Well, I can help you! It’s all CICO, I just need your exact height and weight and I can calculate your TDEE for you and then you can track your deficit and calories to in MFP. You’ll drop it in no time. ”
Wtf is wrong with me? He’s not overweight by any stretch and here I am like “Welcome to the wonderful world of calorie counting!” Am I that in need of an ED buddy?
Anyway... Idk what the point of this is exactly, it just made me feel kind of awful and I thought you guys would understand.
[Rant/Rave] flipping out rn
/u/lawsoflife [5'5'' | CW: 170 GW: 110 | -40 | F]
Created: Sat Oct 6 00:17:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ltuhe/flipping_out_rn/
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I just hate myself so bad at the moment. I’ve been planning on going out with my friends this weekend and I’ve been restricting HARD this whole week to prepare for it. Like i went so hard I’m at the lowest weight I’ve been in YEARS. So of course I go out, have like 2 drinks, puke in the bathroom since all I have in me is alcohol, and then go home with this dude. Guys. This rando came inside me :(. I told him so many times that was my boundary and of course he fucking crossed it. I’ve never had someone disregard me like that during sex; I just told him off, had him get me an Uber, and left. Now I have to get plan b once the store opens but I’m just crying and freaking out. I was so happy this morning on the scale and of course I just had to sabotage it for myself.
I don’t know why I’m even posting this here, I just feel like you all are the only ones who understand anything about me. I can’t talk to anyone else
[Rant/Rave] Unexpected pros and cons-Airbnb edition.
/u/linedryonly [5'5"♀| CW 130 | SW 145 | LW 102 | GW 110]
Created: Fri Oct 5 23:54:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ltq6v/unexpected_pros_and_consairbnb_edition/
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So I'm in Seoul for a weekend and the Airbnb is great because there's no food here and I can just not eat all weekend. Other pros include a full length mirror (!) which is a huge relief because I can finally see my whole body for the first time since January.
Unexpected con: no scale. It's not exactly surprising but I hate that I can't check my weight while I'm here.
Anybody else have unexpected pros/cons from today?
[Other] I don’t know what to do now
/u/pickles023 [5'6"|CW: 125.2|BMI: 20.29|GW: 110|22 F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 23:50:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ltpht/i_dont_know_what_to_do_now/
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Trigger warning: miscarriage/relapse
I don’t know how to handle this. I lost my baby earlier today. I was only 3 1/2 months along, but I was already excited to meet my little one. I was in recovery, going to parenting classes, getting my shit together. I even told my boyfriend and parents about my relapse!
But now I’m crying on the floor of my bathroom at 2am after puking up everything I’ve eaten today, and planing a run this morning even though my doctor said no. Im already back to square one in my recovery, and to be honest, I don’t want to recover now. Now I’m trying to figure out what the fuck I’m going to do with the rest of my life. To be honest, I’m probably just going to go back to being miserable like I was before. Obviously I wasn’t meant to have a baby. I’d be a crappy mom anyways.
I wasn’t far enough along to tell anyone besides my boyfriend, and he’s so shaken up that he won’t talk to me. So here I am freaking the fuck out. Sorry everybody.
[Goal] Semi Recovery / Future diet Plans
/u/Chunky-chunker
Created: Fri Oct 5 23:04:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ltgtu/semi_recovery_future_diet_plans/
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So I started in restriction valley and ended up developing out of control binge eating/ bulimia. I've fasted for over 30 days these past three months, an average of 10 days per month - YET my binge eating is so bad, even though I still purge 50% of the time, I've \*\*gained\*\*
So out of defeat, I'm going to start eating - planned food. If I have a day where that day I feel like fasting then fuck yes I'll do it. My issue is however, that as per lately, I can't trust myself to fast if I don't have backup safe foods. And I can't live off just snacks as I have a tendancy to just snack THEN binge later on / end up binging on snacks.
So I'm going to try eat small 200 - 300 cal meals once or dare I most, TWICE, a day. I get scared thinking of even trying to eat 600 cals without it being an accident/ binge, but that would be the maximum. I think this should be semi sustainable especially if I allow myself to eat twice and I'm chosing fairly protien heavy foods low fat/ low carb.
November might be no meat novemeber - could try plant protien shakes.
Anyways my birthday is in 3 months and so I'm excited to be my goal weight for then. Because If I can sustain this, surely I'll be able to reach my goal.
Hope everyone is having a lovely day, and remember, things will be okay. One step at a time. <3
[Discussion] Anyone else a completely average weight?
/u/throwaway1827329
Created: Fri Oct 5 21:32:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lsy5c/anyone_else_a_completely_average_weight/
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Posting here with a throwaway, long time lurker. Sorry for the long rant - this is years of bottled up mishegoss . . .
​
So I went way over my calorie limit yesterday, after a longish stretch of restriction. Decided today would be a fast day, which it was, until a 10PM social event centered around extraordinarily binge-able food rolled around, and lo and behold, I think I managed to go above 2000 calories in a single sitting. So I spent all day hungry and unproductive, and STILL ate too much. Now I'm just stewing in self-hatred, debating whether to just keep on eating, since tomorrow I know I'll go straight back to restriction.
​
Has anyone else never lost significant weight? I'm at a BMI of around 22, and have been pretty much my whole post-puberty life. Never fat, never skinny, just . . . bleh. No one else would ever be able to tell I have anything wrong with my eating, but my life is literally nonstop thinking about calories and looking at progress pictures and staring at all the other skinnier, way more beautiful girls around me.
​
Basically, heavy restriction - bad enough to stop my period, etc - punctured by just enough infrequent binges to keep my weight at a complete standstill. Running every day, having people compliment me for having the "discipline" to exercise and eat vegetables. I hate all of it, but I lie and pretend cardio is just so *relaxing*, and I *love* raw broccoli. Oh, this food scale? Yeah, I just like keeping track of things, you know, just out of *curiosity*.
​
But it's not discipline - it's obsession. I have this calculator in my brain I can't turn off, ever. I've been this way for years, now, and the kicker is . . .
​
I have absolutely nothing to show for it. I'm completely average. And every time is "the LAST binge", every day is a New Start (TM). Occasionally I lose like 3 lbs of water weight, feel great, drink water, gain it back . . . then feel like shit. Never dated anyone - been asked out a few times, but like old saying goes, "any club that would have me as a member," etc, etc. The idea of a person finding me attractive is just completely bizarre and off-putting to me. I imagine getting to a BMI of 18.5 will solve all my problems, even though I know it won't. I can view the situation logically, can quote Judith Butler and critique media portrayals of women's bodies, but at the same time I'm completely at the mercy of this thing.
​
When I think of all the things I could use this mental energy on - all the things I could've accomplished - it's fucking sickening. I used to win big awards for a particular hobby of mine, but I've completely given it up to spend time counting almonds. I'm wasting my life on this, and I'm not even skinny. I don't even get to have that.
​
Once in a while I'll think about trying to heal my relationship with food. But I'm terrified of gaining weight. If this level of complete, slavish devotion to counting calories is what it takes to maintain a BMI of 22 . . . what the fuck would I look like if I wasn't this way? I'd be obese, I'm sure of it. And I don't even know why that scares me so much, but it does. Somewhere along the way, I turned from a little girl who loved Skittles and didn't brush her hair to a woman who spends the bulk of her mental energy thinking about her appearance and the appearance of the women around her. And then I have the hypocrisy to call myself a feminist. I recently watched Mean Girls, and all I could think was how much I had in common with the antagonists. "I just want to lose 3 lbs" - I guess for most people, that's a joke . . .
​
Sometimes I wonder how common this kind of food obsession is among women, and how much it holds us back as a gender. I wonder how many collective hours women have spent thinking about their waistlines, their upper arms, the number on the scale. It's such a horrible feeling - to intellectually be aware of how illogical your thoughts are, but to be completely unable to do anything about it. I'm sick of this, I'm exhausted, but I can't stop. Bleg.
[Rant/Rave] I only look good underweight
/u/coconutfi [5'9" | 17.1 | 21F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 21:29:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lsxig/i_only_look_good_underweight/
---
Currently comparing myself from old pics when I was 10-20 lbs heavier.
My striking features when I'm very thin fade to nothing with even just few pounds on them. My nice facial features shrink behind a layer of fat. My look goes from sophisticated to a little sloppy. Even the way I walk looks different.
It's not just my subjective opinion though. People respond differently to 130lb me and 116lb me. And don't get me started on 140lb me. That was the only time a committed guy has suddenly lost interest (who also happened to meet me when I was in the low 17s). And I've seen a lot of 5'9 140lb women who look fantastic, small and feminine, with beautiful facial features. 140lbs is still thin for 5'9. My features don't look good the way they should with a healthy amount of fat. My features aren't features until I force them to be.
Compliments are infrequent at a 19+ BMI. 18 and lower? The floodgates open. Guys I'm with are more touchy and mention my body more. The amount I'm hit on/pursued increases tenfold. Strangers are more friendly and talkative.
I have considered that this may be my dysmorphia, which it very likely somewhat is, but I have heard so many stories/experiences that match mine to a tee that I believe it's a societal thing. On top of that I also have fat that distributes awkwardly around my body and changes my face shape from sharp to blob.
Currently I'm just high-drunk-38 hours fasted and ranting trying to distract myself from food.
[Rant/Rave] Visiting parents, took a day trip turned binge, sos what can I do to bounce back?
/u/WantsToPetAllTheDogs [5’3| CW 105 | SW 123 | GW 100 | F24]
Created: Fri Oct 5 21:21:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lsvpl/visiting_parents_took_a_day_trip_turned_binge_sos/
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Visiting the parents for a few days. Enabling the binge. Carbs aplenty. Here’s what I shoved at my face today:
• bagel
• 2 slices of an 11” pepperoni pizza
• 2.5 apple cider donuts
• cider flight (4 tasters - maybe 6oz ea.)
• 1 pint of a Vienna lager
• slice of chocolate mousse pie
Laying on my side in bed and feel absolutely disgusting. Also ate a bag of SunChips and had a massive bowl of pasta and a bbq sandwich with macaroni in the past two days so returning home has turned into a binge.
What can I do to bounce back and not feel like a worthless POS? Already in a ball from anxiety about finals in six weeks and my parents don’t understand. Doesn’t help. Alone and scared and feeling worthless.
Hopefully the end of this nightmare (for now)
/u/groundbreakingday44
Created: Fri Oct 5 21:19:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lsvbd/hopefully_the_end_of_this_nightmare_for_now/
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I posted not too long ago saying how im relapsing after being recovered for around 2 years. (I guess I go through never-ending cycles). Today I was going through pictures with my boyfriend from the beach this summer that had disgusted me when they first came out. I looked at them and actually finally was okay with how I looked. Months ago I thought i looked like a whale but now I realize I look normal and did then too. The past week or so I've been so down and stressed and freaked at how fat I felt I looked, and bf has been trying to help out, but I finally am okay. I hope this period of feeling okay lasts longer than normal.
[Discussion] Has anyone else suffered from anorexia and BED?
/u/edanon7
Created: Fri Oct 5 21:16:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lsus7/has_anyone_else_suffered_from_anorexia_and_bed/
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It's mostly just reassurance for me that it's not a totally abnormal thing but I have no idea if it is or not? My lowest weight has been 90 lbs and my highest was almost 200. I'm at about 150 right now which is my lowest weight in about 2 1/2 years (probably longer). I was hospitalized for anorexia when I was 15 (I'm 20 now) and on and off struggled with binge eating after I "recovered" but then I was sexually assaulted at 17 and I went into full blown binge eating disorder and gained 60 pounds in less than a year. About a year and a half later I got kicked out of my house (I was at my highest weight here I believe) and had to move an hour and a half away from the town I grew up in and eventually my anorexia came back and I lost about 20 pounds. Then I started dating my dating my boyfriend a few months later and my life was good as hell and it was something that was pushed back a lot for a whole year and not something I really thought about ever so my weight fluctuated a lot bc even tho I wasn't starving myself or binge eating, i still had horrible eating habits bc Ive never actually learned how to eat normally. Now it is 2018 and its been a really shitty year for me and I've been going through anorexia phases (??? Idk if it's right to call it that but I'll go like a few months where it's really bad and then another couple months where it's not in my mind much) but I've lost about 40 lbs since march.
Sorry kinda venting there it doesn't have anything to do with the question but nice to get off my chest and type out lol
But yeah has anyone else suffered from both BED and anorexia? Is it something semi-common or am I just weird
[Rant/Rave] I’m not weighing myself anymore.
/u/jewishtemptress
Created: Fri Oct 5 20:58:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lsqx0/im_not_weighing_myself_anymore/
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Nope. Nope. Nope. Not fucking doing it anymore. I get obsessed with every little fluctuation. It’s gotten to the point where it affects my entire day. Oh, I gained a pound that’s probably due to water retention? I can’t fucking eat the rest of the day! Oh, I dropped a pound? Better stuff my face and call it a cheat day!
I really don’t have a balanced relationship with food. My weight is pretty much stagnant thanks to my binge/restrict cycle. I hate it.
[Rant/Rave] small victory
/u/violentyetflammable [5'6" | CW: 170 | UGW: 95 | F22]
Created: Fri Oct 5 20:50:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lsp4a/small_victory/
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so today I had a salad with no dressing which is huge for my usual indulgent bad habits AND the scale is 5 pounds less than like a week and a half ago!!!! But I'm not going to change my flair until I see if that fluctuates and I was kinda bummed today but this makes me happy !!!!
I stayed up late and wrote a bunch of gobbletygook
/u/LeOssa
Created: Fri Oct 5 20:41:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lsn44/i_stayed_up_late_and_wrote_a_bunch_of_gobbletygook/
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I know from the outside it can look like such a small thing. The glass that separates you, the outside looking in advantage that you bask in can keep you from seeing the reality that we live in. For you, it's just that small thing, that tiny, tiny one thing and because of that it seems so peculiar.
I can tell you, no glass separates my vantage from this reality. I am swallowed by it. Consumed, regurgitated and abandoned by it daily. It is everything. It is my saviour, my destroyer. It is my happiness and sadness amalgamated into a constant throb that nags and itches at my insides. It makes my head go fuzzy and my hands go numb.
It makes me feel like I'm alive and dying in a constant Spartan battle within my ribcage. Lots of swords, honour and rage. It is my celebration and my punishment. My scolding and praise.
To you it is just that one thing, a tiny, tiny something that seems so simple at its worst. To me it is breathing and healing, burning and wincing. It is staring at the swirling Picasso painting of my core that is now beneath my face while I convince myself to inhale, and it is the deafness that surrounds me while blood rushes to my eardrums and exacerbates the thrum that I have grown accustomed to screeching at me.
You wonder why I could not just quit and be rid of that tiny little thing. It is me and I am it. Stitched, twisted and deformed creature we have become. I cannot exist without its torment and it cannot go on without my shell.
To you it is just eating. To me it is a hell.
i hate having this disorder but ive noticed some pretty fun side effects(?) from it
/u/itsyaboifranzi [5'0" | whale | -20 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 20:40:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lsn08/i_hate_having_this_disorder_but_ive_noticed_some/
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like being able to guess calories pretty well, being able to guess weight and bmi pretty well and
learning how to draw for thinspo
/u/meafy--
Created: Fri Oct 5 20:24:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lsjhm/learning_how_to_draw_for_thinspo/
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ok so this is probably the most effort ive put into anything related to my ed somehow. i want very specific thinspo that probably doesnt exist, along with smth to do to avoid food. so im learning a new skill that im awful at just to be able to draw my own thinspo cus i dont have momey for commissions lmao. any artists here draw your own thinspo? just curious
[Help] New job...
/u/cattivity
Created: Fri Oct 5 19:51:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lsc95/new_job/
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Im starting a new job at this bakery, they give us one free meal and i know they'll want me to sample the pastries. Wtf do I do. So scared this will lead me back to my hw again or cause me to gain any.
I binge on chocolate while I'm half/fully asleep almost every night and can't prevent it.
/u/Pinkshake
Created: Fri Oct 5 19:10:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ls2sm/i_binge_on_chocolate_while_im_halffully_asleep/
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I tried eating more during the day, sweet tea, eating right before bed... It's an addiction or habit now, I wake up every 5 minutes with this horrible taste in my mouth and can't really sleep if I wake up and don't let myself eat. If I can't find any chocolate I just eat whatever's sweet enough.
Wake up with empty packages everywhere, calculate the calories, starve yourself.
Guys I don't even get hungry during the day, I forget about food. It's the nights that don't let me be beautiful and perfect.
I'm tired of waking up very depressed and suicidal, it takes me long hours to feel friendly and positive again.
I miss having a flat stomach. My body is tiny, I don't look good with these curvy features. I feel ugly and disgusting.
Water loading ideas
/u/iToldAnotherLieToday [5'7| CW: 98.4 | 28F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 19:04:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ls1d1/water_loading_ideas/
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Long story short, I **have** to gain 4lbs in 5 days. I get weighed Wednesday. I am trying to recover, but I’m not to the point where I can drink Ensure/milkshakes to gain weight. A lot is riding on this one weigh-in.
I’m planning on drinking a few bottles of water, of course. I was thinking change in my bra like I used to do back in the day. I can wear clothes **and** shoes, so I will wear the heaviest clothes that make sense for 90 degree weather. It’ll be too obvious if I’m in a sweatshirt but I can wear heavy jeans and the heaviest shirt I can find. I also just have to go in at any point, so I will make sure I eat something for lunch that will add weight and then go in after. What do you guys think? Soup and veggies? Maybe a big salad?
Any other suggestions?
[Rant/Rave] Failed an exam...
/u/smarieculp
Created: Fri Oct 5 19:00:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ls0jw/failed_an_exam/
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Organic chemistry will be the death of me. I tried so hard to prepare. I really did. I can’t even have one thing. stupid AND fat. And I just had a burger and milkshake and fries to soothe the pain. I don’t work hard enough for either thing. pathetic....
[Tip] Tryptophan
/u/SpitAndPennyStyle [5'2"|136lbs|UGW:97lbs]
Created: Fri Oct 5 18:57:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lrzp0/tryptophan/
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\[Sorry about potential formatting issues - I rarely post on reddit\]
I've been reading a book called "The End of Overeating" by Kessler, M.D. and I stumbled on a bit that might interest you. So you may or may not have heard of phentermine - basically a medication formerly prescribed to very obese people to prevent overeating. I've read some posts here about people here using it to suppress their appetite. The way it works is that it increases serotonin production which shuts down dopamine production and the reward pathways in the brain.
​
Tryptophan is an essential amino acid that is a precursor to serotonin and melatonin. Anything that is a complete protein (like meat) will contain this and some incomplete protein sources have it too. Best low-cal meat source is poultry (like turkey - already famous for making you sleepy). Best vegetarian sources are low-fat dairy products and egg whites. Best vegan sources are pumpkin seeds (which is a complete protein source and has magnesium which will also help with sleep - 1oz is 125 calories), oats, and soy products.
​
It is a cruel irony that this is food but if you choose to eat, you may find it helpful to consider a higher protein percentage for your calorie budget to help prevent cravings for higher calorie foods. Oh! and dark chocolate has a good bit of tryptophan as well, if you'd like a sweet.
[Discussion] If I can fool other people, maybe I can fool myself
/u/lilmdjd [5’3 | CW: 130 | BMI: 23 | LW: 94| - 17| 23F ]
Created: Fri Oct 5 18:55:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lrzcf/if_i_can_fool_other_people_maybe_i_can_fool_myself/
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I realized a while ago that when I restrict without counting I eat less, because of both a combination of anxiety about not knowing and the lack of awareness of having “more calories” leftover. I recently switched back to eating small meals instead of OMAD. My usual routine is: protein bar in the morning, medium sized salad w only veggies and lemon juice for dressing, and tuna w lite mayo and cucumber for dinner. I fee like people could see this from the outside and consider this a normal amount of food.... which brings me to the thought: what if I could train my brain to see it as a lot of food? To just consider it normal, and stop framing it as restriction? Maybe I could teach myself to just be a light eater naturally and then it won’t feel so disordered. Idk If this will work at all but I sure as fuck plan on trying 😎
success with liquid diets?
/u/pistachiocreams [63"| 105.5 | -18 | F :pupper:]
Created: Fri Oct 5 18:54:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lrz03/success_with_liquid_diets/
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i was wondering how much success everyone has had with liquid fasting. i’m addicted to chai lattes and caramel macchiatos and am genuinely curious to hear if anyone has had success with just drinking delicious drinks.
if so, i’d be curious to know- did you count calories, what was your limit, and what did you drink?
For the guys. Or the girls that might know. Have I reached the lowest pant size for a male adult??
/u/Hairless_Human [6' | CW 134 | BMI 17.44 | WL -146 |M 21]
Created: Fri Oct 5 18:46:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lrxb4/for_the_guys_or_the_girls_that_might_know_have_i/
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Currently wearing 26/30 prefer 26/32 idk what that translates into woman size or whatever it is. But I went to aeropostale, hm, and american eagle and no one had anything lower than 26. 95% of the pants were not even 30 inches long just 28 inches long. I prefer them to be 32 inches long cause I like to drape the pant over my shoe a tad. Does anyone know where I can buy anything smaller without making the pant lengh shorter? Dont want to walk around like I accidently walked out the house with my littles bros pants lol.
[Rant/Rave] I feel like I need to show people how “in control” I am.
/u/applesauceistheenemy [5’10.5” | 140 | 19.5 | -70 lb | female]
Created: Fri Oct 5 18:44:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lrwmw/i_feel_like_i_need_to_show_people_how_in_control/
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So I have bpd, and schizoaffective bipolar type, and dpd, and anxiety, and ocd. But of course because this is life, no one gives me any slack for having an off day with allllll of that shit or if my meds aren’t working or whatever (to be clear, I’ve never been abusive, cruel, or mean, I’m only talking about crying a lot or screaming when the emotional pain is too much to take). People always ask me to control my behavior when this happens, but no one understands how difficult that can truly be. Instead, what I can control is how much I eat. It’s infinitely easier to not eat for 24 hours or more than it is to stop myself from having a breakdown when the pain gets THAT intense, like everyone expects me to. I feel like no one truly knows how much self control I actually have, except my immediate family, because when I was 14 I went all the way and didn’t eat, or drink water, and it was winter and I didn’t wear a jacket or a coat, and didn’t use a blanket, and didn’t ask for or need a n y t h i n g. And I didn’t cry for 6 months straight. And lately a part of me has been missing that. Like just the feeling of absolute control over myself to the point where I could even go over 24 hours without water, but still complete a full school day and exercise (and this was before meds so I was hearing voices 24/7).
I know it’s super fucked up, and it’s just the mental illness talking. But I can’t seem to control myself mentally, no matter how hard I try, so subconsciously I think controlling myself in every aspect physically should be “good enough.” But I know 100% that it won’t be, and no one will understand, and I’ll be blamed for this as well.
[Other] Wish me luck
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 |CW 118 | GW 115 | GW 105-110 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 18:33:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lru0f/wish_me_luck/
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I drank smooth move tea, panicked and drank salt water for that cleanse. Idk whag to expect but it probably won’t be pleasant.
[Other] DAE bruise really easily when restricting?
/u/glitterfitte
Created: Fri Oct 5 18:24:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lrrx1/dae_bruise_really_easily_when_restricting/
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Title says it all, but yeah. I remember bruising soooo easily before I recovered, literally looked like I had been beaten up after a night out. Now that I'm restricting again (only to about 800, and I'm not underweight atm) I went to a party for the first time in about a month or two and woke up the next day COVERED in these tiny bruises. Plus a big black one on my leg. It's not like I blacked out or anything so I have absolutely no idea what caused it. They're on my legs, my arms, hips, butt, hands, boobs..
Please help!! Moral Dilemma!
/u/prettypinkneversweet
Created: Fri Oct 5 18:21:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lrr87/please_help_moral_dilemma/
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Please help! 47 hr fast in progress and I’m dying! I usually treat myself with Starbucks on Friday and I want a Venti Frappuccino. I’ve been stalking down the website nutrition list for an hour. Venti fraps are all about 500 calories! I know I have to break my fast tomorrow because I have plans with the bf. But do you think it would be okay to still have Starbucks tonight? Or is that cheating?!
Please help!
[Rant/Rave] my grandmother says i can stand to lose another 15 pounds
/u/deadbigfoot
Created: Fri Oct 5 18:16:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lrq1u/my_grandmother_says_i_can_stand_to_lose_another/
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it’s my grandmother’s birthday today. my mom talked on the phone with her earlier and she brought up my weight loss (i’ve lost 70 pounds and posted the mfp banner on facebook so she knows) and my grandmother told my mom she’s worried i might be anorexic and wants pictures of me to see if i still look healthy. well, i called my grandmother later to wish her a happy birthday and she said she wanted to congratulate me on my weight loss, and then asked how much i weigh now. i told her the truth, that i weigh 145 pounds, and she said well if that’s the case i can stand to lost 15 more. i feel discouraged and angry. i know i still have more to lose but it was like whiplash to hear her go from “you’ve lost so much!!!” to “you need to lose more.” but i will lose more. mark my fucking words old lady
Weird little things I notice...
/u/cattivity
Created: Fri Oct 5 18:02:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lrmmm/weird_little_things_i_notice/
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On my lunch I walked into the breakroom and saw this girl headed to the fridge to grab the same diet coke she'd been drinking earlier and I was thinking "bitch me too" cause I'm going to the fridge for mine as well that I've been rationing out all day bc I'm not eating anymore. Probably reading too much into it and she probably doesn't have an ED but I still feel some solidarity. Idk just felt like sharing that little moment.
[Rant/Rave] A Self-Indulgent Epiphany
/u/nathasaproblem [5'8 | 150 | GW 140 | UGW 125 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 18:00:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lrm3y/a_selfindulgent_epiphany/
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I am a person who has struggled with their gender identify for their entire life, essentially. I have memories from as far back as fifth grade sensing that I wasn’t quite a girl (DFAB). I’ve been avoiding dealing with these gender issues for almost as long. I only started talking about it to my therapist maybe a year and a half ago. Recently, a switch just flipped. It doesn’t feel like a conscious decision even, things just started happening. I ordered a binder for a Halloween costume earlier this week.
When I got it, I put it on, and I thought I would start crying about never being able to come out as agender but instead I just felt amazing (aside from being short of breath from having my boobs compressed into my chest) and like I had so much more ability to express myself based on how I’m feeling for the day. So I started thinking about talking to my mom, because I felt SO MUCH BETTER, and I figured maybe I should keep the ball rolling.
Today I told my mom. And she started crying naturally, but she didn’t flip out, and I just feel so so so hopeful and happy. I can’t even express how hopeful I feel. And I don’t feel the urge to control every single thing I eat. I feel the urge to feel happy and do what I want. I was struggling so hard for so long to control my gender-related distress through controlling my food, and I feel like this is such a step in the right direction for me.
I’m sure this isn’t the end of my eating disorder journey, maybe at the end of today I’ll be right back to “intermittent fasting” and restricting my intake.
But right now? I’m in line to get some goddamn chick fil a for dinner. And right now? I’m happy.
[Other] Eatthismuch.com?
/u/elsacouchnaps
Created: Fri Oct 5 17:55:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lrksw/eatthismuchcom/
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I just discovered this website. Basically you pick how many calories you want to eat a day and how many meals you want to eat and it randomly generates a meal plan for you. There’s even an option for specific diets (vegan, paleo, keto, etc.). I’m very intrigued, especially since it let me put the option of 500 calories a day over 4 meals and still gave me a plan. I was surprised it let me pick a daily intake lower than 1200. So, I’m wondering if anyone else has used this site and what you thought of it?
Have a lovely night everyone!
Wtf they actually look skinny?????
/u/notyourpeach
Created: Fri Oct 5 17:52:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lrk8s/wtf_they_actually_look_skinny/
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I really like how this pictures turn out, my legs look like they are actually skinny lol
http://imgur.com/NZjvzvy
http://imgur.com/J3B1F0i
http://imgur.com/fDWRI9r
Is it binging or bingeing
/u/audreyhepburnwho [no binge October~ Halloween goal 68kg cw 73kg]
Created: Fri Oct 5 17:47:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lrj0a/is_it_binging_or_bingeing/
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Serious question, hope it's not considered low effort, but i can't be the only one wondering, i keep seeing it written both ways and English isn't my first language.
My dog totally has an eating disorder.
/u/FancyForager
Created: Fri Oct 5 17:40:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lrh6e/my_dog_totally_has_an_eating_disorder/
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My dog totally has an eating disorder. He is one of the greatest loves of my life-- an eternally overweight beagle appropriately named Tank with a propensity for food and snuggles. He is so gentle and sweet and loyal.... His only problem is, he can't stop eating. He and my other beagle Brooke go hunting in the woods together (I live in the country) and she gets slimmer by the day. But somehow Tank gets fatter! He just uses the day out in the woods to forage and eat whatever he can. Tonight I gave my baby daughter a bath and forgot to pick her wet diaper up off the bathroom floor before I put her to bed. Tank ate all the absorbent little crystal things that are in the core of the diaper, just to fill his already fat belly. The sad part is, I can totally relate!! What a perfect low calorie belly filler!! I love him so much. He is my spirit animal 😂
[Rant/Rave] My mum is such a sweetheart but this made me never want to eat again
/u/pacific_rimmed [5’6” | CW: 137 | HW: 152 | GW: 119 | UGW: 105 | F ]
Created: Fri Oct 5 17:25:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lrdne/my_mum_is_such_a_sweetheart_but_this_made_me/
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https://i.redd.it/nfaixo77bgq11.jpg
[Help] My sweet cat passed away and I have just been bingeing, I have no idea what to do.
/u/indentionsofme [Height 5"10 | CW 100| HW 142| GW 95 l BMI 14.3]
Created: Fri Oct 5 17:21:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lrcoj/my_sweet_cat_passed_away_and_i_have_just_been/
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My cat was sick for a while and I spent months taking care of him, giving him his medications, and trying to make his life the best it could be even though he was having issues. While he was not always himself he was still happy and loved everyone and everything. He still loved his food and his cat toys and cuddling.
He was the purest creature on this planet. Just so sweet.
​
He passed away at the vet in severe pain. I had an appointment for him anyway since he was getting sicker and 20 mins before he started to cry so loud, I never heard anything like it. I finally got him to the vet and he was seizing and crying and his body started swelling. The vet said his heart was barely beating and it seemed like with the bloating he started internally bleeding. I let the vet take his pain away. I feel awful that he was so incredibly upset before he passed. I know it was good I was at the vet since it could have went on for hours at home before he passed, but I just keep seeing his poor face. He was so scared. I was with him, but he was scared and in so much pain. In the months prior to his passing I made sure to always do everything to keep him feeling the best he could, he was older and had lot's of organ issues but I was his "nurse" and the vet taught me how to administer fluids and medications and he was okay, he was even okay with all of this. He knew after his treatments he felt so much better. He was so smart and loved life.
​
​
Idk where else to put this. I have been bingeing non-stop. I can not cope with this and I am out of control. Candy, Ice Cream, Junk food, take-out. The last few days have been hell.
​
I had recently dropped back down from 105 to 102 and and was getting closer back to my 100lb weight that I was at for a long time. Now I KNOW that is over. I KNOW I gained weight, just so many empty calories. I Just want this to end.
​
I don't know how to stop the binge and I am scared of just falling into this massive depressive state and becoming disgusting. I can't cope, my whole world is different. I loved him with my whole heart.
​
I HAVE to stop bingeing, it's the only way to get back to myself. I am so upset I let myself down again and definity gained those few lbs. back. I feel like nothing is good anymore and now I am getting fat and disgusting and I am not only incredibly sad I hate myself again as well. There is so much wrong with me and I am sorry I am typing this I just feel so numb and bloated.
​
How can I stop this binge?
[Tip] Unsweetened pea protein powder; it'll change your lives.
/u/SkinnyisSexy [5'7 |125lb|19.6|-23lb|F GW115]
Created: Fri Oct 5 16:46:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lr3rp/unsweetened_pea_protein_powder_itll_change_your/
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Dude, 100 calories per 20g of protein(2 scoops ya'll) I PUT IT ON EVERYTHING. I added it to soup and it made it super creamy, used it in my coffee, mixed it with salsa and put it on a God damn salad. Guys, so much protein. I don't like the sweet ones because A:more calories B:my binging ass would drink it like chocky milk. Not anymore!!!!
[Rant/Rave] Never again will I let my eating disorder ruin another relationship (long, sorry. need to vent).
/u/dxylightt [5’2 | 119 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 16:38:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lr1kr/never_again_will_i_let_my_eating_disorder_ruin/
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I’m not sure if my ex knows my Reddit username. If you do and you’re reading this, hi. Everything I’m saying in this you already know anyways.
I was in a relationship for two years with the most kind, patient, forgiving, understanding person. I was so consumed by my ED that I treated him horribly and took him for granted, for the only thing I cared about was what I was going to eat that day and whether I was going to starve or binge/throw it all up. To me, he was little more than a pawn I used to set weight loss goals for, a mere distraction that was nowhere near as much a priority as the scale or calories or my body image or the lies my twisted brain liked to tell me.
Everyone in my family kept telling me to stop treating him that way, because one day he’d finally have enough of it and be done for good, and that I was so fortunate to have such an amazing person in my life. I didn’t listen.
I should have listened.
I thought he’d always be there, that he’d forever take my outbursts and crippling insecurities and toxic mindset, but everyone was right. He finally, and understandably, had enough. And he’s gone, and no amount of begging or pleading I’ve done these past few months will bring him back. It’s funny, you really don’t know what you have until it’s gone. Me and him are still friends, because he knows that I don’t have any support system outside my family, but texting him is only like a shell of who he once was. He’s cold. Unwavering. He may be responding back, but his words show that he’s long gone.
His absence feels worse than any binge ever has.
The amount of pain I’m experiencing right now outweighs any hunger pang or scale fluctuation or any of that stupid bullshit. None of it was worth it.
Never again will I put calories before someone else.
Never again will I let food ruin any memories I make with someone.
Never again will I let my body image dictate whether I’m worthy of intimacy or love, or whether I’m good enough. Because guess what? *I fucking am.*
This is a painful lesson that I will always wonder and regret for the rest of my life. To anyone reading this who has someone they care about: don’t let your illness ruin it. You are worthy. You are enough. You are capable of loving fiercely, and to be loved just as fiercely back.
Powder.
/u/helpmytonguehurts [5”6 |CW 156|GW1 130|LW 89| -6| 👩🏼]
Created: Fri Oct 5 16:16:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lqv4q/powder/
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Sorry if this isn’t allowed here. But I use Charlie a lot to help my ana.
I just went outside for a cigarette and felt some gas coming on and just fully shat myself in my garden.
I feel there needs to be a warning alongside 700 cal restricting, smoking and a line of Charlie. All I can smell is shit and I’ve showered twice.
I’ve got a BMI of 24. Why is this happening me???
~anorexia is so glamorous!!!~
My life’s a fucking mess
/u/dumb-bitch69
Created: Fri Oct 5 16:08:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lqsvq/my_lifes_a_fucking_mess/
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https://i.redd.it/a84r8nmgxfq11.jpg
I did one ECA stack and it feels too good
/u/CheeseYesBrie
Created: Fri Oct 5 15:59:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lqpye/i_did_one_eca_stack_and_it_feels_too_good/
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I've been in a depressive episode lately and avoiding it until today I was like wow, it's really real. I don't wanna eat again, which is upsetting. I did one ECA stack for the first time today and literally didn't eat anything all day...I feel strangely good. I know it's not, but I feel so down. I don't wanna sit down and eat a meal because I go too far with food.
[Help] Vyvanse while fasting
/u/songfireleaf [5'8 | CW 159 | BMI 23.91 | GW 100| he/him]
Created: Fri Oct 5 15:58:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lqpqv/vyvanse_while_fasting/
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My brain decided to flip the fuck out and now I am on day 2 of a fast (normally I just restrict). I recently started taking vyvanse again for my ADHD and this is the first time any fasting has happened while I've been on it this time around. I have been feeling relatively funky- kinda lightheaded/dizzy, and my heart seems sorta pissed at me. This stuff never happens to me typically, and I make very sure to take care of myself as best I can while dealing with my ED by getting enough protein, electrolytes, vitamins, etc, so that's not the reason why this would be happening.
Is anyone else on vyvanse, and if so, have you experienced differences in how fasts tend to affect you while taking it vs while not? Any input would be very much appreciated.
[Help] The dreaded social event: anxiety strikes again
/u/whydiepizzapie
Created: Fri Oct 5 15:57:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lqpg9/the_dreaded_social_event_anxiety_strikes_again/
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Some of you may have seen my post yesterday about anxiety surrounding a social event with a seated meal I'm supposed to go to today. I've been trying to talk myself down from cancelling going to this all day and I'm just not sure I can go.
I'm just so scared. I hate how much everything is about food. I hate how much I think about food.
Most of all I hate all the stuff my eating disorder has taken from me.
[Help] How to Suppress appetite / stop eating once started?
/u/Emanuel179
Created: Fri Oct 5 15:54:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lqobu/how_to_suppress_appetite_stop_eating_once_started/
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Thanks.
relapsing: eye-opening or back to black?
/u/allissaiman
Created: Fri Oct 5 15:47:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lqmh6/relapsing_eyeopening_or_back_to_black/
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Since I was 12 I've been in and out of disordered eating (20 now), and I have to say this most recent relapse has been the worst for me. I'm at my highest weight and the last time I weighed this much was at the root of my disorder when I was 12. I'm appalled. I'm astonished. I'm angry. I'm disappointed.
​
I didn't even realize how big I had gotten until the very last pair of pants I own stopped fitting, and my boyfriend made a comment about it. I told him I thought the solution was to buy some new pants in a size 4 or 6, but he said all my pants are perfectly fine and there's no reason to buy anything new which hurt me a lot. It reminded me of when I was in middle school and my mother threatened to pull me out of orchestra because from the Winter concert to the Spring concert I had gone up one pant size and she didn't want to get me another pair of pants just because I "lacked self control". Now the only things that I'm wearing until I lose this excess is sweat pants or something with an elastic waist. I am embarrassed to leave the house for anything other than school. Sometimes I force myself to wear the old pants and have to pull the zip up with pliers, but I do it to make myself see what I did to myself. To make myself FEEL what I had added to myself.
​
I can't tell if it was good that he opened my eyes to the fact that I had gotten so out of control or that this is my demons taking a situation out of hand and going to my usual extremes for a solution with no true positive end. I've been a low of 105 pounds and I have been a high of 145. I've seen myself at every part of the spectrum while this disorder grips me and it's never truly made me happy. I think many of us have been struggling with this for too long.
​
There's no real point to this post; it was a bit more of a rant into relapse and my current emotions about it. I'm sure many of us have been here and was looking for some relation perhaps...
[Rant/Rave] Feelin' like shit... so here's a rant?
/u/slightlyannoyed0
Created: Fri Oct 5 15:34:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lqie2/feelin_like_shit_so_heres_a_rant/
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TMI AND GROSS SHIT... ranting... again.
So... this was the end of the first week of recovery treatment, at a clinic about an hour away from where I live, let's just say it was absolutely terrible. On my 3rd day, I came home and the WORST diarrhea for 4 hours: sweating, crying, puking, crying, blacking out, dizziness walking from bathroom to bathroom, and stomach cramps. I am menstruating at the moment, even though I'm not supposed to be (long story short: on birth control, having an unnatural period with extreme bloating and cramps, not supposed to have it since I have restricted to 500-800 calories for the past 2 months, blah blah blah-) I am still in denial of having an eating disorder, losing over 20lbs from July is normal, even though I was at a healthy weight to begin with. I am 7lbs away from being considered underweight according to the BMI chart, tempting... sounds like a goal. My dietitian at the clinic said that the BMI chart is a "terrible unreliable reference", still gonna use it.
ANYWAY... I have gained so much from this bloating and period shit, it actually hurts like a motherfucker. But I also am restarting my GI system again, so hopefully I won't be constipated as much in the future. Currently, my plan is to stay under 1000 calories a day, which is what I have been doing since the first day of treatment. The hunger pangs are getting worse since I'm getting used to eating breakfast AND lunch now, but they don't last for long after drinking some water. I'm 120-121lbs now from the bloating and retaining, 3-4lbs difference from my normal days. Its SO FRUSTRATING and it hurts like hell, but now I have an excuse to not eat a few meals for the next couple of days. Yay? I guess?
Oh well, I would like to know your guy's ideas to make sure I don't gain anymore weight (or anything else, I'm lonely) in "recovery", going back to old habits after this expensive bullshit.
Thanks for reading this "rant"?
Love <3
Am I really allowed to eat tasty things whenever I want? (Recovery).
/u/NeutralSmithHotel [6'1.4 | CW: 179 | BMI: 23.4 | Weight Lost: -191| M]
Created: Fri Oct 5 15:30:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lqgw3/am_i_really_allowed_to_eat_tasty_things_whenever/
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So I've been doing recovery and today I had this super tasty french bun thing. Honestly, I'd take it over sex. Probably like 500 calories. And I had this thought... like I'm allowed to have little treats like this several times a month or maybe even week and I might not gain weight? (My maintenance is around 2800 calories or so because I workout a lot). It just seems like that can't possibly be right...
For anyone who had gone through this, like how can you get that feeling to go away? Any tips?
[Discussion] DAE ever scare themselves out of restriction?
/u/back-on-mybullshit
Created: Fri Oct 5 15:07:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lq9ps/dae_ever_scare_themselves_out_of_restriction/
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So basically I've gone through binge-restrict cycles since probably like 2009-2010 maybe? I started when I first got out of junior high/started high school. Anyway back when I was younger I really didn't know anything about nutrition other than CICO so I didn't really care or know about the health risks of EDs. Over the past 3-ish years I've been way more binge than restrict, and I've just gone back to restricting over the past month or two.
Now that I'm more heavily inundated with the internet and people who actually know what they're talking about I've been almost scaring myself out of restriction? Like I always just assumed that the serious side effects of heavy restriction only occurred at underweight BMI's but I'm just now learning about gallstones as a result of weight loss (although I've personally only experienced gallbladder attacks during heavy binge periods, but anyway). And that even people who are overweight can experience brachycardia/tachycardia resulting in death as a result of heavy restriction? I always thought that since I take a mutivitamin and get 50g of protein a day that I'm minimizing my risk since I'm still overweight (because I thought the only risks I was taking were vitamin deficiency, hair loss and muscle loss).
Anyway I'm already a major hypochondriac so now I have a ton of anxiety about fucking dying or having to have surgery (never had surgery before) that makes me want to stop restricting. But the thought of eating even 1200 calories a day is still majorly anxiety inducing to me right now. And when I think that I'm still going to be fat for more than half a year eating at 1200 with exercise to even be at an "acceptable" (to me) weight it just makes me want to never eat again. Also being this anxious about literally everything makes my restriction even worse because I can't eat when I'm anxious. How can someone with 50+ extra pounds of fat even be at risk of malnutrition? It literally doesn't make sense, I have so much energy stored in my body.
Oh also I recently tapered myself off of zoloft because the beginning of this major weight gain/binge cycle started when I started taking zoloft. It's been a few months and it's not like I've gotten depressed so far but I have been extra anxious (exhibit A: this post and a relapse into restriction). Who would have thought that getting off my SSRI would increase my anxiety? /s
I really shouldn't even be concerning myself with this because so far (and in my past almost ten years of intermittent restriction) I haven't experienced any negative side effects at all aside from low muscle tone. But this time it's different because the previous times I've restricted I only wanted to lose like 30 pounds max. But now that I've let myself get fat I have more than twice that amount of weight to lose and it's going to require a much longer period of restriction, which I assume comes with higher risks for side effects. Right now the only thing keeping me sane is bargaining with myself saying I'm going to restrict until I reach x pounds and then increase my intake to 1200 and increase exercise.
I don't know, right now I'm stuck between wanting to be """healthy""" and just wanting to get rid of my disgusting body as fast as possible. Does anyone else ever think like this? How do y'all restrict without any major side effects? Sorry if this is rambly/doesn't make sense; I've had two exams this week and my mind is all over the place.
TL;DR: My anxiety brain doesn't want me to eat but is also telling me I'm gonna die if I don't eat. Does this happen to anyone else?
[Other] Bitch nO THANKYOU
/u/tinycat1 [165cm| OOPS | 22F | GW: 45KG]
Created: Fri Oct 5 15:05:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lq908/bitch_no_thankyou/
---
https://i.redd.it/zp1am5k7mfq11.jpg
[Other] Canadian Thanksgiving Support Thread?
/u/areddittoshowoff [161cm | C: 136lbs | G: 120lbs | H: 164lbs | F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 15:04:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lq8sg/canadian_thanksgiving_support_thread/
---
I’m gonna need it. Anyone else?
PSA: Get enough sleep, lovelies
/u/theleftoveryou [5'5'' | 96.6 | 16.3 | GW 95? | 24F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 15:03:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lq89n/psa_get_enough_sleep_lovelies/
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I've not been getting enough sleep lately and it all culminated in feeling like absolute crap yesterday. I went to band practice in the evening and honestly I didn't even have the energy to play my instrument properly. So I went home and slept for a long time and I feel SO much better now. I feel like I could take on the world.
I've learned my lesson: I can use caffeine as a substitute for food, or for sleep, but not both at the same time lol.
[Other] Unexpected hint of ED on twitter lmao … SMASH THAT RT BUTTON
/u/ghostsportclub
Created: Fri Oct 5 14:52:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lq4ni/unexpected_hint_of_ed_on_twitter_lmao_smash_that/
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https://i.redd.it/q69lu93zjfq11.jpg
Google fat shamed me
/u/Jenny_Roberts
Created: Fri Oct 5 14:50:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lq3u5/google_fat_shamed_me/
---
(on mobile, can't flair. Rant!)
I was looking through my photos on my phone. You know how Google photos will create different photo albums for every person you take photos of? (For instance, I can see all the pictures of my boyfriend by clicking on his album)
Not only did they auto select the worst picture of me at my HW for the cover... As I was scrolling down to see how many people had their own album, I see another album of me.
Google apparently thinks that fatter-me is utterly indistinguishable from normal-weight-me, and assumed that we were two different people 😳😳😳 the difference is about 50lbs.
[Rant/Rave] I'm a failure
/u/sorryihaveaboyfriend [5'6 | CW116 | GW108 | BMI18.7 | 24F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 14:35:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lpysk/im_a_failure/
---
I just purged for the first time since Monday. I know that three days isn't much of an accomplishment, but having been consistently b/p-ing everyday for like two years now, I was kinda proud of myself. I had been doing good by only eating pre-made salads or just drinking a lot of liquids, and staying at about 450 calories a day.
​
But then I took my mom out to lunch, and she decided on McDonald's. So we get there, I order the Southwest salad because it's like less than 200 calories, and my mom orders a meal. It's all good.
​
Until our food comes. They had messed up my mom's burger and told us it'd be out in a minute, but they gave us my salad and her medium fries. She picks at them a bit as we talk, and maybe eats about a third of what was in the container. And then her burger finally comes out, and they apologize for the wait, and hey, look at that! They're giving us an extra medium fry!
​
So my mom takes the fresher fries and gives me the 2/3s of the first batch, and I'm like okay, this is fine, it's about 300 calories but I'm barely at 200 for the day. So I eat them.
​
And then mine are gone, and she's chatting with an old coworker of hers that we ended up running into, and I'm all of a sudden picking at *her fries* because I have no self control and *UGHHH*
​
So I ended up purging when I got home. And I'm so mad at myself because I was *finally* doing good
[Help] Miralax vs smooth move tea
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 |CW 118 | GW 115 | GW 105-110 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 14:28:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lpwu6/miralax_vs_smooth_move_tea/
---
TMI, but I’ve been constipated and was wondering which works best. I’d prefer one that isn’t habit forming.
[Help] How to deal with intimacy and general body touching?
/u/thingsarestranger [5’2” | CW:121 | GW1:115 | SW:160 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 14:21:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lpur3/how_to_deal_with_intimacy_and_general_body/
---
Lately I can’t even really cuddle with my SO without feeling awkward and anxious the whole time. Sex is even worse and I find myself unable to even really enjoy it lately because I’m so aware of the places he’s touching me or how my body must feel. I’m at my LW (or at least within 5 pounds of it idk I’ve been b/ping so unsure of my true weight atm) and he started dating me almost 40 pounds heavier so it’s not like he hasn’t seen my body look worse. Yet I can’t stand the thought of intimacy and I don’t want him touching my body. I find myself not wanting him to even look at my body or see me naked so I usually change in the closet or get dressed as quickly as I can after sex. I ask to turn the lights off when we have sex but he always says no that he wants to see me, which just makes me more anxious. How do you deal with these thoughts those of you in relationships? Any tips? How can I feel better about being intimate and being touched? Why has this issue gotten worse with weight loss instead of better? Will losing more weight help??
[Discussion] Any boys here? Let’s chat
/u/eth_HTML
Created: Fri Oct 5 14:18:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lptq5/any_boys_here_lets_chat/
---
Its been a while since I was last here and I was doing well, started gaining weight and muscle but recently I can feel myself falling back into the bottomless pit of my ED.
Having and ED is lonely enough, yet within this community I feel even more alone as I am a boy. Any other boys here wanna make friends? Maybe create a group chat or something to discuss feelings and other things. Just an idea as I’m sure many boys with an ED feel the same.
[Rant/Rave] Thank goodness ive been fasting all day
/u/PhoneWalletInsanity
Created: Fri Oct 5 14:11:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lprs2/thank_goodness_ive_been_fasting_all_day/
---
Turns out he got back with his ex... and I found the weekend that was supposed to be our anniversary.
Fuck, he complained about her a whole bunch to me and I bet that reverse is happening now.
I'm going to go home and fucking enjoy a gigantic dinner. I know I'm just filling the void inside but there needs to be something in there and I can't get rebound (after five months, jesus, I'm pathetic) dick all weekend because I'm with my family for Thanksgiving.
Just proves I'm always inferior to everyone else. I want to cry so bad right now.
My feelings on this Donna meme.
/u/greenbean3
Created: Fri Oct 5 13:46:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lpk6z/my_feelings_on_this_donna_meme/
---
I'm sure you've all seen [this meme ](https://m.imgur.com/3HGARtK) floating round over the years, and if you're really brave you've gone in and read the comments too.
I always get this rage when I see it, because although Donna wouldn't classify as anorexic because she doesn't meet the weight criteria, that doesn't mean that she hasn't developed some very serious and damaging eating behaviour. Who the fuck decides at what weight you are valid as an ED sufferer? This person, this human being, could end up one of the people who pushes the mortality rate of ED's up even further, all because nobody took them fucking seriously and laughed at them because they're not skinny enough to be 'ill' .
Fuck that, and fuck all the people who perpetuate this idea that nobody has an ED unless they're 'skinny enough'. I'm so sick and tired of seeing men and women ridiculed for not being 'Eating Disordery' enough.
I really hope that Donna got the help she needed, and that she eventually feels comfortable enough to enjoy food and foster a good relationship with it. But I think we all know how it probably went instead, hooray.
While I'm angry, I may as well throw in my frustrations about how nobody seems to recognise that BED is a real thing, and that not all eating disorders are entirely restrictive. Just fuck all the wilful ignorance around this incredibly important topic, nobody wants to read up on it because it's oh so taboo.
End rant. I'm going to go have a Coke zero and calm tf down phew.
My feelings on this Donna meme.
/u/greenbean3
Created: Fri Oct 5 13:35:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lpgzq/my_feelings_on_this_donna_meme/
---
https://m.imgur.com/3HGARtK
[Rant/Rave] will absolutely delete this later but
/u/motif2019 [5'4" | CW: 129 | GW: 108 | BMI: 22.2 | -22lbs | 21F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 13:18:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lpbjl/will_absolutely_delete_this_later_but/
---
I JUST NEED TO SHARE THIS
I was rambling (via text) to my girlfriend about my binge/purge bulimia relapse bullshit and then at the end of many doubletexts said "I'm sorry, you didn't sign up (to hear about my eating disorder)"
and she FUCKING goes
"yes I did"
I'm crying into my lemon cheesecake rooibos tea now holy shit I do not feel like I deserve her. Oh my god.
shoutout to my girlfriend and the ED-supportive partners any of you may have
I'm afraid of the weekend...
/u/PM_ME_CUTE_SNAKES
Created: Fri Oct 5 13:16:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lpb62/im_afraid_of_the_weekend/
---
I don't normally post that much but I am so anxious right now and I love how non judgemental this community is...So, I felt really good the last few weeks, because I was able to prepare all my meals at home, weigh them etc.. After a long time I finally felt somewhat in control again and my calorie intake, while low, was consistent. Problem is, I have to go to a birthday party over the weekend and there will be two whole days of restaurant food only. Where I live, there are mostly family-owned restaurants who don't have the trusty PDF with calories on their website (or even just a website lol). ..Also the traditional food in my country is mostly fatty and unhealthy. I am so afraid, because I won't have any control and I don't want to trigger another binging/fasting cycle and claw my way out of it again...ok rambling over, love you all ❤️
But this isn’t disordered right?
/u/lilmdjd [5’3 | CW: 130 | BMI: 23 | LW: 94| - 17| 23F ]
Created: Fri Oct 5 13:07:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lp8ag/but_this_isnt_disordered_right/
---
https://i.redd.it/llwmg5c61fq11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] Halo top problem
/u/bbdoc826
Created: Fri Oct 5 12:55:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lp4eo/halo_top_problem/
---
Anybody else in love with the oatmeal cookie Halo Top. I bought it because was lowest calorie one at the store, but expected to not be impressed. However, now I am obsessed - I think having avoided carbs including oatmeal the little oats in the ice cream are like little bits of heaven and I love the buttery cinnamon taste. I used to be able to only have a serving of all my diet ice creams, but now I want to eat the whole thing every time! Love hate relationship. How do others avoid eating it all in one sitting - not sure I’m willing to give it up completely!
What exercise gave you the best results?
/u/glitteringwinter [5'3" | CW: Chunky Monkey| GW: Dainty Fairy| F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 12:53:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lp3tf/what_exercise_gave_you_the_best_results/
---
Everyone is super on the lifting train these days and I feel like it’s always the go to “what exercise??” Response but I’m not sure it’s particularly compatible with my aesthetic goals.
I’m not looking to get that super waifish look, but also not into significant muscle. I aim for the more “skinny fit” look. If anyone here has had luck achieving this kind of aesthetic, I would love to hear how you did.
I think my stomach shrank!!
/u/alienatkerba
Created: Fri Oct 5 12:48:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lp2c4/i_think_my_stomach_shrank/
---
I have stuck to restriction pretty well for about four weeks now, no binging! So my stomach has gotten used to not being distended and it likes it. I got a wrap for lunch today bc all the soups at the cafe were loaded with cheese y'all I ate one quarter of that thing and thought I was gonna explode! Last night my husband made tacos and I could only finish one!! I'm never going back to mistreating my poor tummy with binges!!! So much easier to restrict without all that empty space in my belly...!
proED Survey Analysis: Average BMI, Height, Standard Deviations and More!
/u/TreatmentTime [5'9 | Recovery? ☠ | 25]
Created: Fri Oct 5 12:43:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lp0ib/proed_survey_analysis_average_bmi_height_standard/
---
I have too much time, so I pulled the [r/proED Survey posted a few days ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kkclr/rproed_survey_summary_results/) into Pandas and ran some quick plots/calcs.
## Summary Stats:
* BMI - Female:
* Mean: 22.9
* StdDev: 5.1
* Height - Female:
* Mean: 65.0
* StdDev: 2.9
* BMI - Male:
* Mean: 23.0
* StdDev: 5.3
* Height - Male:
* Mean: 68.5
* StdDev: 4.1
* BMI - Other:
* Mean: 22.2
* StdDev: 5.8
* Height - Other:
* Mean: 65.2
* StdDev: 3.3
## Plots
* [BMI](https://i.imgur.com/nC9boro.png):
* The majority of proED users are “normal” weight or above per BMI classes. Peaks are at 20, 22, and 25. Moderate left skew, but less than would be expected given the demographic IMO
* [Height](https://i.imgur.com/19TzM51.png)
* [Is there any correlation between BMI and height?](https://i.imgur.com/CCiTJMc.png)
The dataset didn’t collect any demographic information like age of ED onset, diagnosis or primary symptoms (restrict, binge, purge, etc), ethnicity, or country or residence, so we can’t draw any interesting conclusions.
I’m just an “engineer” and work in a very different area of stats/analysis than this, so my exploratory skills are weak. I can share the Jupyter notebook if anyone cares to play with it more. Unfortunately, with the weaknesses outlined above, I don’t think there’s a whole lot more to be done without collecting more data 🤷♀️
[Rant/Rave] Fuck you
/u/Lunabell2
Created: Fri Oct 5 12:39:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lozgk/fuck_you/
---
https://i.redd.it/keaqwn04weq11.jpg
[Help] New job screwing up eating habits
/u/vousmadmirez [5'2" | CW 125 | GW 100 | 22F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 12:38:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9loz2d/new_job_screwing_up_eating_habits/
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So i started a new job about two months ago and I’ve almost gone back to my weight from early this year- think 15 pounds weight gain and I feel so, so disgusting I can barely look in the mirror. I was doing really well until August but ever since I started my new job I just haven’t been able to snap back into restriction and there’s a couple of things that contribute to it.
At my old job, we had a fully functioning kitchen with everything attached, I brought and prepared my own food right there which made portion control and calorie counting really easy. At my new job, we only have a small fridge where people keep drinks and nothing else. I’m at a loss of what kind of food to bring. I avoid bread so sandwiches are a no go, meal prep in tupperware sounds like a good idea but we don’t have cutlery or plates or anything in the office, and we don’t have a sink or dishwasher either, so I can’t bring my own either cause it would get nasty pretty fast. Added to that I have a long and crowded commute with a massive bag that also doesn’t make bringing your own food an appealing option.
We have a canteen, but the food there is high cal and fatty and you can’t bring your own food- they want you to buy their food which is expensive to boot. Trying to fit in with my colleagues, I have eaten here much too often.
I’ve tried eating only fruits as they’re healthy, quite low cal and not too messy but they really don’t get me through the day. I’ve had many instances where my stomach growls like a monster and everyone could hear it which is quite embarrassing, especially if I’m in meetings. Also this results in me binging when I get home- i’ll be happy by lasting on 500 cals all day and then stuff myself with junk food as soon as I’m back home. I was having a hard time getting used to this new job too and I was literally eating my feelings every evening.
The commute and long hours make it that I am at or on my way to work for about 11 to 12 hours every day and I’m just exhausted when I get home and I’m too much of a pansy to muster up the energy to exercise, so I’m basically a desk/bed/couch potato at this point when I used to be pretty active before.
Anyways, cue the massive weight gain. This situation is just the worst, gah. Apologies for the long and probably unformatted rant, but I am just at a loss as to what to do to get back into restriction. My old job was really close to my house and very chill which left me much more energized, and this is the opposite, I just don’t know what to do and meanwhile I’m just gaining weight. Does anyone have some ideas or advice on how I can take control of this situation? I need to get a grip because I feel so gross 24/7, I’m at rock bottom here.
~~~just antisocial collegiate things~~~
/u/juulorexia
Created: Fri Oct 5 12:31:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lowrf/just_antisocial_collegiate_things/
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openly looking at this sub and at thinspo in the middle of the lecture hall cause legit no one knows you and no one will be concerned
[Rant/Rave] scale discrepancies
/u/lemonbasilthyme [5'3" | 93 lbs | 16.5 BMI | GW: 89 lbs | 29F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 12:21:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lotrk/scale_discrepancies/
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This is a stupid question, but it's really bothering me.
I have a [basic digital scale](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00A8SLH8I/ref=oh_aui_search_detailpage?ie=UTF8&th=1) that measures in 0.2 lb increments. It's 4.5 years old and it's served me well, based on comparisons I've made with other scales.
However, my parents have an old Tanita scale that measures body fat percentage, and even though I know the actual reading is off by \~5%, I've found myself wanting to swing by their house for a visit just to check my BF% on their scale. So I did the logical thing and bought my own [cheap scale](https://www.amazon.com/Digital-GreaterGoods-Accurate-Composition-Measurements/dp/B019928F74/ref=sr_1_4_s_it?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1538762914&sr=1-4&keywords=greater+goods+scale) that measures body fat and other things.
Now I have two scales. I weigh myself on both every morning, but I'm now recording the new scale readings because, you know, it's newer, and it measures down to the 0.1 lb. They've both matched well up until now (e.g., the old scale might read 93.4 or 93.6, while the new one specifies 93.5), but today the new one is saying 93.9 and the old one 93.6 lbs...
I track everything in a couple apps, including Happy Scale, so I'm kind of addicted to seeing the moving average change -- that's probably the real reason it bothers me.
I've recorded 93.9 as my "official" weight, but I'm disappointed by the discrepancy and now I'm wondering how accurate all of my past weights have been this whole time? I know it's stupid to get hung up on less than a third of a pound, but I've just been in a bad headspace for the past several weeks, I feel physically gross and the scale numbers rising just reinforces it.
So, I should probably rely on the newer scale for accuracy, yes?
[Discussion] Favorite tea thread?
/u/4gotmyfuckinpassword [172cm | HW: 68kg | CW: 66kg | GW: 56kg | 20F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 12:20:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lotk3/favorite_tea_thread/
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Looking for some good flavors!
Would also love seasonal recommendations cuz I’m in the US rn and wanna stock up on whatever I can get!
my dumb ass.
/u/winterfoxes_
Created: Fri Oct 5 12:15:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lortd/my_dumb_ass/
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i was really inebriated last night, as i went to see these two female rappers (junglepussy and kari faux) and things became pretty lit..
afterward, i ate a slice of pizza and i had some of my friend’s burger earlier. i also had a super light lunch - smoked oysters and some bread at this fancy french restaurant. adding drinks, i probably consumed way more calories than i wanted to. anyway, when i came home, i ate half an edible gummy (i never do this) and ordered jack in the box.
passed out within 15 minutes of ordering. thank god i didn’t binge, but i lost 20 dollars because postmates refuses to refund my drunk ass. it’s sad that this isn’t the first time.
[Help] SSRIs
/u/Gothsyndrome
Created: Fri Oct 5 12:14:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lormx/ssris/
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I use to take Antidepressants, but I stopped because I didn’t want to gain weight. I told my therapist I could not bare to again weight, since I’m still not ready to recover from my anorexia and gaining weight would absolutely crush me.
I asked my therapist which SSRI would be best, and she recommended either Paxil, Pristiq, or Effexor.
Has anyone ever has any experience with any of the above medication? Thanks for any input!
[Discussion] I think I get a high from restricting.
/u/thisgirlneedscontrol [6'0| CW : too high| -0 |BMI: 33.9 | gf + vegan| Gender: F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 12:08:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lopof/i_think_i_get_a_high_from_restricting/
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It's been 2 weeks since I've relapsed, and according to my calculations, I know I've lost weight.
I'm almost nervous to weigh, because no matter what happens, I'll just want to restrict more and push my limit.
It's like a drug to me.
I do it in secret, and it makes me feel like I can do anything.
I feel like this is the point where I'll get my body back the way I need it to be.
Does anyone else experience this?
[Discussion] Fruit mono diet?
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 |CW 118 | GW 115 | GW 105-110 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 11:57:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lom1l/fruit_mono_diet/
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I’m thinking if doing a fruit mono next week. Has anyone else done it? How were the results? I’d be eating mostly apples, bananas, and oranges.
[Discussion] DAE feel like their ED is too mild to actually deserve help?
/u/sugafreedreams [18M / 181cm 🏳️🌈 HBMI: 30.3 / CBMI: 17.2]
Created: Fri Oct 5 11:56:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9loltw/dae_feel_like_their_ed_is_too_mild_to_actually/
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EDs are mental problems that show physically, but the mental severity often doesn't correlate with the person's weight. Some undiagnosed people who aren't underweight can have severe problems and anxiety over food, while some underweight people who are officially diagnosed with an ED can still have relatively healthy relationships with food.
I'm a pretty good example of the latter, I'm underweight and constantly losing more weight, but you could never tell that I have a problem from my eating habits alone. Here are some quick facts I can think of from the top of my head:
I don't count calories, I don't purge, I don't obsess over food, I don't fear any foods or unplanned eating situations, I don't feel guilt for eating, I don't weigh myself more than once a week, I don't fear weight gain because I can think of it rationally, I have never fasted a single day in my life, I have never eaten under 1000 calories a day since being a toddler, I have never uncontrollably binged, I have never lost more than 1kg a week, and currently I'm losing only about 1kg a month.
I basically have a healthier and more relaxed relationship with food than many normal BMI people who have never had major weight loss. But I've still went from obese to underweight, and am still losing a little bit more every week. I know it's not normal to see ribs sticking out and still want to continue losing more weight. Anorexia's official definition is the refusal to maintain a BMI over 18.5, and I know I would get officially diagnosed right away if I went to the doctor about being underweight and wanting to lose more weight.
But why get help or stop if I'm not shockingly skinny yet or actually mentally struggling?
Dear period, fuck the fucking fuck off... sincerely, my scale.
/u/SkinnyisSexy [5'7 |125lb|19.6|-23lb|F GW115]
Created: Fri Oct 5 11:45:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lohz9/dear_period_fuck_the_fucking_fuck_off_sincerely/
---
I've been between 400-800 calories a day. My daily intake should be 1600 at my hieght. Mother freaking scale jumps between 119 and 120 and I'm going to hulk smash!!!!! Fuck off mother nature, I know I'm not pregnant. I know have to had lost weight, I'm thinking about drinking that slim tea. You know? The one that just makes you poop forever? I have to be at least 118. Gw is 115 by the 20th, i ordered some size smalls off a website for a rave and I swear if they dont fit I will lose my shit lol. Speaking of losing shit, that tea tho. Thoughts and prayers, thoughts and prayers.
[Help] How long for bloating to go down?
/u/thingsarestranger [5’2” | CW:121 | GW1:115 | SW:160 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 11:30:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lod2u/how_long_for_bloating_to_go_down/
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I’ve been b/ping bad multiple times a day for the last week or two and my stomach/face are constantly bloated. What can I do to help that and how long do you think it’ll take? I’m seeing my bf on Monday night should I just fast till then? What can I do to make it look better? Go to the gym? Drink water?
[Help] Anyone with similar stats?
/u/cattivity
Created: Fri Oct 5 10:52:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lo0u8/anyone_with_similar_stats/
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Im 5'4 125ish pounds. 20.
Idk. I have lost 60 pounds but I still look so overweight because my tummy is realllly chubby. I keep lowering my gw because the more weight I lose the more I look like an egg on stilts.
Does anyone with my stats or similar have any advice? Did you ever get to a point where you didn't look like unbaked dough spilling out of a can?
Just hoping at 105 lbs I won't look obese.
[Discussion] DAE ever feel like things move too fast around you?
/u/CorrithLavellan [6'0" | 181.8 lb | 24.66/23.70 | -19.4 | 21F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 10:51:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lo0dl/dae_ever_feel_like_things_move_too_fast_around_you/
---
Sometimes I get this weird pressure in my head and then suddently it feels like everything around me begins moving like 2× faster than normal. Or maybe I'm moving 2× slower than everything else. It's really weird and kind of scary because I feel like I cant control anything thats happening.
It happens whether I eat or not so I dont think it's blood sugar related? I've also noticed it happening a lot more often when I'm driving, but sometimes it'll do it when I'm walking to class or on my bike.
I keep calling it video game vision because it feels almost like I'm looking at a screen rather than through my own eyes. Does anyone else experience this? 😕
[Tip] These GNC lean shakes taste just like milkshakes and I drink one for lunch every day. Cheap and only 170 calories!
/u/mich8881 [5'6.5 | 115 | 17.4 | -10 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 10:44:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lny7l/these_gnc_lean_shakes_taste_just_like_milkshakes/
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https://i.redd.it/l6bb2rcpbeq11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] BOUGHT NEW CLOTHES
/u/moonchldx [5'1'' | 114.4 | 21.7 | -11lbs | F | ]
Created: Fri Oct 5 10:38:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lnw5q/bought_new_clothes/
---
Did some online shopping yesterday and bought a few things I’m hoping I’ll be able to fit into them !
I’ll post what I got and how they fit later? I’m also fasting for the next few days!
Gatorade Zero at hand in case for electrolytes!
Hope everyone is doing amazing!!
xx
[Rant/Rave] I’m so cold
/u/onetoomanyseltzer
Created: Fri Oct 5 10:36:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lnvls/im_so_cold/
---
6 years of up and down being in recovery, but I’ve been so stressed out about some major life changes that this is the only way I know how to cope
Whatever I forgot the quirks of being hungry: m so cold all the timeee
It’s 72 degrees outside, all of my coworkers are blissful about the weather, wearing dresses and shit and I’m so fucking cold even with a hoodie and jeans
Tea, hot coffee, more black coffee.. broth? How the hell am I gonna survive the winter lol
How is it possible that I undid half a year of hard work in a fucking month
/u/PM_M3_UR_SECRETS [163cm | CW 48kg | GW 45kg | HW 80kg]
Created: Fri Oct 5 10:17:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lnpbk/how_is_it_possible_that_i_undid_half_a_year_of/
---
September was literally the worst month of my entire life. I binged pretty much nonstop. I'm too scared to weigh myself, but almost exactly one month ago I was still fairly close to my LW (even though I had been binging on and off in the months prior to this, but I was still losing steadily up until the middle of August).
Now I'm back right where I was in February? March? I'm too scared to weigh myself, but I've been looking at my progress pictures and I'm pretty sure I'm fatter now. I haven't binged at all this week and I've been staying under 800 cals so the fucking water weight should be gone by now right?
So this means that what my body looks like now is all actual fat gain. I'm so disgusted by myself. None of my clothes fit. Not even the ones I bought at my first (actually second I guess) GW. Nevermind the ones I was wearing at my lowest. I'm so ashamed to even go outside and look anyone in the face.
It's going to be another five months again until I can finally feel a little bit less disgusting. I don't think I can make it five months without completely breaking down. I'm in my last year of school and I can't afford to fuck it up again, I already fucked it up once, I'm so fucking disgusted with myself and I'm so so so ashamed. Please someone just tell me how I'm supposed to deal with this, I cannot handle it, I'm so fucking frustrated and desperate and I'm too scared to just fast or even restrict sub 500 until I am back down at my LW because I'm sure that I will start binging again if I do that. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck what am I supposed to fucking do. I can't deal with existing in this body for another fucking second honestly. Please someone just tell me what to do
[Rant/Rave] I hate my grandmother
/u/chrisqlli
Created: Fri Oct 5 10:07:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lnlxz/i_hate_my_grandmother/
---
Hello, everyone :)
Okay so a few months ago my grandmother visited and asked if I had gained weight and sort of laughed at it. So that was super offensive and I got really embarrassed cause it was true and I gained because of bingeing in high school. Today she is here again and this time she told me that I never gain weight and I, unfortunately have neither gained or lost. Then she asked me how much I weight and apparently we weigh the same (60 kg). And that´s exactly what an 18 year old girl wants to hear. But wait, it´s not over yet. At dinner I piled up a normal portion and she asks if I am going to eat all of that and today I really tried to keep the calories down so I could enjoy dinner but I guess that wasn´t in God´s or Buddha´s or whoever decides what happens in my shitty life wanted.
And all of this happens like a day after my friend, who is basically thinspo, tells me that her mother has 28 in jeans and that she thinks the ones I´m holding will be big on me. I held 28 in jeans and I wasn´t 99% positive that they would be too small so that sucked. Idk I just had to get this out
​
Btw if anyone wants to talk just hit me up. I´m kinda lonely these days...
[Rant/Rave] [RAVE] I think I'm ACTUALLY RECOVERING
/u/AspergersAndCoffee [5'2F | Last recorded weight 93 | SW 100 | Starting therapy soon]
Created: Fri Oct 5 10:07:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lnlxb/rave_i_think_im_actually_recovering/
---
Yesterday, my mom got me to the school nurse to weigh me.
I was 3 pounds down.
One more and I'd go to the mental hospital.
I was afraid of it, but my disordered thoughts made me glad I dropped the weight.
The next day, I ate my perfectly measured pancakes for breakfast and proceeded to pack my perfectly measured sandwich for school.
I felt hungry.
Ate an apple. Felt uncomfortably full. Yet...still hungry. I began to smell the sandwich.
>What the fuck am I doing with my life?
Ate the sandwich.
>Oh nO yOu GlUttOnoUs PiG - *Ana*
La la la, not listening!
Time to pack a Nutridrink (Ensure but sold in Poland and more calorific) and some CASHEW NUTS to school. Without weighing them!
>B-But...
Nope. Nopenopenope. Not listening.
I need food. Lots of it. And I'll gain weight. I am underweight. I need it.
​
Ate the nuts and the Nutridrink at school.
​
Feeling energized and still cold af but warmer than usual. What a good feeling. And when I'll gain weight, I will be even warmer...plus I will look good. Now I look like a 5 year old boy, not like a girl my age. Hell yeah. I'm gaining weight.
​
Came home.
​
Ravenous.
​
No food for dinner.
​
No, I won't eat a slice of crispbread for dinner to compensate.
​
Getting pita breads.
​
Not fully wholegrain.
​
Who cares? I'll eat them anyway.
​
Ate one with beans and lettuce.
​
Good. I'm satisfied.
​
A few dozens of minutes later, I feel snacky.
>Okay, so we're gonna eat around 2500 calories today...maybe you shouldn't go over this limit?
You don't sound like my ED but you are it.
​
Screw you.
​
Egg. Avocado. Bread.
​
I made myself a sandwich.
​
Toasted. Ate. Now. Yum.
​
Still wanting more.
​
Eating the remaining quarter avocado (mom ate quarter of it as well).
​
Delicious.
​
TL;DR: /u/AspergersAndCoffee is recovering. She thinks so.
​
Ughhrrhrhrh lunchhhh
/u/BigFrameSkinnyAddict
Created: Fri Oct 5 09:57:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lnitb/ughhrrhrhrh_lunchhhh/
---
My mom texted me saying she notcied I havent eaten lunch for almost 2 weeks and said that if I dont eat lunch shes gonna send me to a doctor 😭 wtf you should be happy I'm not spending $2.30 everyday
[Discussion] how do you guys eat/prepare kimchi?
/u/ladytulips [5'7'' | 114lbs | 17.7 | -28lbs | 19F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 09:57:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lnir1/how_do_you_guys_eatprepare_kimchi/
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i just found a jar of this mystical kimchi i’ve been seeing here and on EDfood, so i bought it to try!! do i just eat it from the jar? do i cook it with something? does it go in a soup? what are your favorite ways to prepare it??
[Rant/Rave] people annoy me so much when i’m restricting
/u/tarynughhh
Created: Fri Oct 5 09:52:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lnh2f/people_annoy_me_so_much_when_im_restricting/
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the other day i was about to go to a festival with some friends and it was about 1:45pm, one of my friends in the car couldn’t stop complaining about “how hungry” she was and that she only had a bowl of cereal this morning, and when we got to a restaurant she was all “ Omg if i didn’t eat this right now i would LITERALLY die ahhdbfnkanfb” and i was just thinking to myself BITCH I HAVENT EATEN IN 3 DAYS LMAO
i feel bad for thinking that way but that was the first thought that popped into my head, my ed brain ig 🤷🏼♀️
[Help] Movie suggestions with beautiful skinny girls?
/u/gauntlyghost [5'5 | CW: HEFFALUMP | GW: 116| F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 09:41:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lndjw/movie_suggestions_with_beautiful_skinny_girls/
---
Maybe this is a weird request, but I need the motivation.
[Rant/Rave] Torture is...
/u/idgaf417
Created: Fri Oct 5 09:34:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lnbdq/torture_is/
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going grocery shopping with your best friend who’s a skinny mini at 5’1” & 110lbs. She stocked up on Halloween candy, cookies, bread and even PEANUT BUTTER.
So incredibly jealous right now.
I feel prettier when I’m hungry.
/u/retro-morte
Created: Fri Oct 5 09:23:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ln83c/i_feel_prettier_when_im_hungry/
---
[Rant/Rave] My new Drivers License came in and it has the wrong weight on it
/u/Soggy_Ramen [ 5’0 | Thighs the size of Jupiter | GW: 120 | UGW: 100| F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 09:06:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ln2r1/my_new_drivers_license_came_in_and_it_has_the/
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They put me at 40lb over what I am. I don't want to send it back because it took so long to get my new one but it's also embarrassing.
Cue us realizing they have my husbands weight wrong too, wtf? Why is this a common mistake?
This is such a non issue but still, why?
I feel the same.
/u/snackqueen18 [5’7” | CW 136 | GW ? | F25 |]
Created: Fri Oct 5 09:05:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ln2bz/i_feel_the_same/
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I have lost 28 pounds in the past three months. I am doing it in a “healthy” way so that no one is worried about me. But my mind is an asshole. When I look in the mirror, I LOOK THE SAME! Howwwwww. I swear to god my face and thighs and stomach have not changed at all. I don’t know where that 28 pounds went, but shouldn’t I be able to see a difference 😩
LaCroix might have a cockroach insecticide ingredient??? wut
/u/-deebrie- [162cm | CW 64.7kg | BMI 24.7 | 27F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 08:54:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lmyz1/lacroix_might_have_a_cockroach_insecticide/
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https://www.khou.com/article/news/nation-world/lawsuit-claims-lacroix-has-cockroach-insecticide-ingredient-lacroix-says-drinks-are-all-natural/507-601131215
Has anyone stopped binging/purging? How did you do it?
/u/catacomical [5’6” | CW: 114 | GW: happy | F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 08:40:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lmuwv/has_anyone_stopped_bingingpurging_how_did_you_do/
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Binging and purging is ruining my life.?
Best Calorie Counting App?
/u/Koko1318
Created: Fri Oct 5 08:29:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lmrho/best_calorie_counting_app/
---
I’ve been using my fitness pal for years and years. I was devastated when it stopped telling you “if every day was like today you’d weigh XXX by this date” now I feel like it shames me when I’m completing my food diary at 400 calories.
Which one do you use?
an analysis of my strange obsession with numbers
/u/duskedfur [5'7" | CW: 101 | 15.7 | UGW: 98 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 08:22:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lmpcd/an_analysis_of_my_strange_obsession_with_numbers/
---
i will always hate math, but my ED has given me such a weird fascination with numbers. weight is obviously the most important number to me, but caloric numbers and measurements are nice as well. i've lately found myself making strange connections between the numbers i obsess over. for example, i don't get off of an exercise machine in the gym unless it says i've burned 134 calories or more- 134 being my highest (recorded, i was definitely higher at some point) weight. it feels like a victory if i 'eliminate' that number somehow. this morning, i weighed in at 98.6, a new low weight. i wasn't really thrilled with the low weight as much as amused that i now weigh as much as my average body temperature. i also make connections with the number 7. i am five foot **7**, or 1**7**0 cm. i often get .7 points in my weight, and i was stuck at 11**7** and 10**7** for a while, and my waist measurement has always been around 2**7** for most of my life, pre ED. my body just craves the number 7, i guess.
i don't really know what the point of this post was. most people with EDs are obsessed with the numbers, but i guess i was just thinking about the more unusual aspects of it. hopefully some of you will understand
[Discussion] What's your grocery budget?
/u/ketokitty13
Created: Fri Oct 5 08:07:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lml8f/whats_your_grocery_budget/
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I'm about to quit my job to focus on school, and I'm going to get real strict while budgeting. I'm also looking to maybe use this tight grocery budget to help me get to my GW finally! For those of you who eat at home most of the time, what do you spend a week on groceries?
My dining hall claims this is 180 calories.....yeah, sure...
/u/warmcorgi53
Created: Fri Oct 5 08:06:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lmkyv/my_dining_hall_claims_this_is_180_caloriesyeah/
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https://i.redd.it/duo12kvijdq11.jpg
Well.... shit
/u/_Pulltab_ [5'7"| CW 160| 25.1| WL 37 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 08:01:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lmjhg/well_shit/
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Some of you may recall that I went to the doctor and he didn't mention the fact that I've dropped a lot of weight in this past year (really, in the past 3-4 months) and that became fuel for further disordered behavior. The bloodwork he ordered (pretty much all standard stuff) started coming back and initially looked all clear - so good, even MORE reason to restrict. Not sick enough? Hold my beer!
​
The rest of my bloodwork is trickling in now and it's a bit of a mess. In addition to the UTI I've been dealing with (TMI, sorry) that I didn't say anything about because I thought it was gone, I have all sorts of jacked up levels which point to kidney issues (I'm 2+ years sober, so any damage I did drinking is water under the bridge at this point) and deficiencies related to protein, vitamins, etc.
​
So, now I'm thinking damage control because I know they're going to call and be like, "WTF is going on, here, Pulltab?" and I'm going to be like, "IDK, doc, I mean, I feel great." \*insert big cheesy grin here\*
​
[Goal] Want to reach my GW before 2019 starts!
/u/coffee-vanilla [F | 5’9 | CW:150 GW:130]
Created: Fri Oct 5 07:57:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lmi8j/want_to_reach_my_gw_before_2019_starts/
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Currently at 150, im quite tall (5’9) and want to get down to 130 which would be my lowest weight ever. I have always been around 140 at my lowest (pre-ED days lol). Also, i have been asked to model for some big brands around here but i never had the right sizes, they always want me to be at least 138 or lower which is also part of the reason i want to lose the weight, as being a model is one of my biggest dreams (besides being a professional soccer player, which i would have been if i didnt fuck up my knee and have surgery for it). Working on both goals right now. I have to start working out hard again though but im ready. I’ve been way too lazy recently.
So its roughly 3 months to lose 20 pounds which means i have to lose 6-7 pounds/month. If i restrict to 1000 calories every day, i will make it. If i can go lower some days, that would be even better. Im ready, lets do this. I feel like i can finally ‘be free’ when i get rid of this weight.
If you have an infinite amount of money to spend on food, what would you eat?
/u/DenverTheLastDinosau
Created: Fri Oct 5 07:23:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lm8s4/if_you_have_an_infinite_amount_of_money_to_spend/
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and let's say this includes eating out, because my answer is that I would probably do OMAD (one meal a day) and eat out most evenings, providing I'm not working. This way I don't know if I'd ever even bother buying food to have at home. I have BED and the main thing that stops my binges getting truly out of hand is not being able to afford it. That being said, I do think a big part of my BED started because I grew up not being able to afford food which spiralled into binging whenever we could.
​
Also optional unrelated side question because I don't wanna make two posts, how much water do you drink? I recently stopped drinking so much monster zero and have actually started drinking water for a change. I'm on 2 litres a day at the minute which I know is the minimum you're supposed to drink, but it seems like so much!
Pro ed group?
/u/beth1002
Created: Fri Oct 5 07:06:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lm3v8/pro_ed_group/
---
Hi, this is my first time posting on here and I'll on mobile so sorry if it's not the best formatting and whatever.
So I've been restricting for a while and I've gone from obese to almost normal bmi in the last couple of months.
I've tried dieting and intermittent fasting etc so many times before but nothing worked until i started heavily restricting to about 500cals per day.
I just need people to talk to about this. My friends don't understand, they eat and are happy to maintain their weight or lose 1lb per week etc. They say that I'll just put all the weight back on when i finish.
But the thing is, i never want to finish. I don't think I'll ever get an appetite back again. I'm having to force myself to eat now and feel so guilty if i binge on a couple of biscuits etc.
I'd love to make new friends, maybe make or join a group or something with people who are on the same journey as me. People who will understand that i can't eat a meal, people who will help me get through the day, people i can look up to.
I'm not sure what kind of platform would be best to do this and i love this sub so much. Can anyone point me in the right direction?
Thank you so much, i love you guys honestly more than you all realise x
[Rant/Rave] Tfw you want to try a vegan diet but all of your safe foods are meat
/u/Lillie1990 [20F| 5’4 | CW 122.2 | GW 110]
Created: Fri Oct 5 07:03:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lm362/tfw_you_want_to_try_a_vegan_diet_but_all_of_your/
---
Ive never been big on eating meat. Weirdly enough though as my ED has developed I’ve gotten more into meat. I think chicken/Tuna/salmon/etc might be the only things I genuinely don’t feel the need to purge after eating. I don’t feel the guilt I do with other foods, probably bc of the protein in them. For some reason it makes me feel like it cancels out that I’m consuming calories. It’s SO fucking frustrating, I’m constantly going back and forth with this
[Discussion] Anyone else 5’7 that can’t get the fuck out of the 140’s?
/u/poetsandscientists
Created: Fri Oct 5 06:55:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lm0xy/anyone_else_57_that_cant_get_the_fuck_out_of_the/
---
I used to be hella tiny and then a lot of shit went down and I relapsed hard into BED without working out to compensate, and mostly quit purging(which is good!) but god damn I CANNOT get out of the 140’s. I’m sad because it used to be this way for the 130’s.
It comes down to CICO which the bingeing is obviously fucking up but god damn I feel like a gross monster and just need some support.
BREAKFAST WOES SOS
/u/loseitjen [5'8 |SW 140|CW ?!|GW 115| F21]
Created: Fri Oct 5 06:40:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9llx0h/breakfast_woes_sos/
---
I’m being dramatic BUT I’m so hungry I can’t fall back asleep and I’ve decided I’m gonna eat something but I can’t decide what?!? I’m debating either between a skinny egg turkey sausage bagel (400 cals) or a clif bar (260
cals). I have an exam later today and I need to study more so I feel like I need more cals (and protein) for more focus but I feel like I’ll hate myself if I get the bagel?! Idk I’ve been agonizing over this for an hour now help
[Rant/Rave] Hate being short/petite
/u/hertha2919
Created: Fri Oct 5 06:18:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9llrht/hate_being_shortpetite/
---
it’s so difficult to lose weight being so short and to have the skinny look I want to achieve because I have a distinctly pear shaped body. I’ve always been jealous of tall girls like wow sexy long legs??? looking lean???? :( I want that. And also maybe this is irrational thinking but it’s harder to gain weight if you’re taller, at least it doesn’t show as obviously. sigh
[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! October 05, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Oct 5 06:12:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9llpyd/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread/
---
This is the weekly picture thread for October 05, 2018.
Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!
1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**
2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*
3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.
4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD
**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**
*****
Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
Daily Food Diary! October 05, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Oct 5 06:12:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9llpwq/daily_food_diary_october_05_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for October 05, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Help] An oatmeal question
/u/rosepetalmemories
Created: Fri Oct 5 05:26:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9llf8k/an_oatmeal_question/
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I'm 5'5 and 115lbs. I may want to lose 10lbs. I have belly fat but everywhere else I'm thin. I packed oatmeal for lunch today but I'm afraid to eat it. I'm on a diet and currently eating 300 Cal a day. Should I ditch the oat meal and just eat my broccoli?
[Goal] i need to say !!!!
/u/scaledrops [5'8" | CW: too much | i do art | F16]
Created: Fri Oct 5 04:45:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ll6mp/i_need_to_say/
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holy shit. im past the weight ive been since last year after gaining and i am freaking out
my face looks better, i feel better, and im even more motivated to push through and keep dropping holy shit.
ten pounds in a month. it's slower than what i'd like but it's happening yall
Roommate inadvertently caused relapse :' )
/u/juulorexia
Created: Fri Oct 5 04:18:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ll0zw/roommate_inadvertently_caused_relapse/
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I'm currently renting a home with two of my best friends in a college town. One of my roommates traveled through summer vacation and only returned recently for classes.
She also returned with an ADD diagnosis, a high dose Adderall prescription, and 30 pounds of weight loss.
Watching her pick at her food and not eat, lose weight and complain about clothes getting too big, triggered me right to the edge of that cliff. It wasn't a hard decision to just jump off. The only way to be okay with this is if I do it right back.
It's messed up of me to want to "beat" her despite the fact that she's on prescription medication that kills her appetite. But I was staunchly the "middle sized" roommate, and she was the large; now I'm having trouble telling who's skinnier.
I wish there was something I could say to get her to eat, not in a preachy way, just in a "I'm putting myself through hell and will continue for as long as my stupid primate brain thinks you're going to 'beat' me in starvation" way. But I can't, cause it's weird and not her fault.
Well. Guess I'll just die then.
To purge or not purge tonight for a party tomorrow?
/u/BEDBulimic [153cm | CW: 55.8 | GW1: 55 | -8.2 | 20F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 03:13:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lkoko/to_purge_or_not_purge_tonight_for_a_party_tomorrow/
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Been caught in a REALLY FUCKING BAD B/P CYCLE several times a day to the point where it takes me much longer to purge and my face is already horrendously puffy.
I binged today, not as bad as my usual but perhaps 2x my TDEE (fuuuuuuck me). Please give me support/advice whether I should purge or not tonight for a party in 24 hrs. I feel like if I purge my face’ll be puffy in photos, whereas I can angle my body/hide my stomach.
Also other than cold face masks, is there anything that reduces puffiness in 24hr? Pretty sure drinking a shitton of water will make me even more bloated seeing as I only have 1 day.
[Rant/Rave] GW met, now on to the next goal
/u/_Pulltab_ [5'7"| CW 160| 25.1| WL 37 | F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 02:36:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lkhva/gw_met_now_on_to_the_next_goal/
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After a couple of agonizing weeks of getting nowhere, I finally hit my goal weight of 159 this morning. There’s been a lot of stuff feeding my need to restrict and control even more, and although I’m so happy to be under a BMI of 25 for the first time in YEARS I’m grimly determined to keep going until.... what? I’ve proved my point? Gotten someone’s attention? Feel better about myself? Ahahahahahahaha!
I am having an immense amount of anxiety and dread setting my next goal. This last one was so hard to get to and got me so worked up and now I’m just like...Huh. I don’t know if I’m better with a long goal or making them even smaller so I don’t get so freaked out again.
Ugh. I should be happy this morning. Instead I feel like Frodo halfway through his quest.
Water weight
/u/evaa98
Created: Fri Oct 5 01:45:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lk99x/water_weight/
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I ready about it pretty often here but I don't really know anything about it.
How does water weight built up?
How do you know it is water weight?
How can you lose it?
[Rant/Rave] its my birthday
/u/problemproblem420 [5'6'' | 117 | 18.9 | 19F]
Created: Fri Oct 5 00:25:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ljupb/its_my_birthday/
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its my birthday and all i can think about is food. i briefly tried to reminisce about being a teenager (im turning 20) and how crazy different my life is--but it spiraled back to realizing i used to be so much bigger. i had some of the fondest memories when i was 16 and 17, but a lot of those have slipped away from me after years of binge-drinking, restricting, and probably my own brain trying to block traumatic time periods out.
my worst anorexic episode happened when i was 17. i wish i could remember that year, because regardless of whatever fucked up shit i went through it was an exciting time in my life. i wish i had some big resolution for being in my 20s--but i don't. all i can think about is how to get out of dinner tomorrow.
im also seeing my boyfriend in a week. i love him to death but i just caught myself playing out a whole scenario in my head where i find out he's cheating on me and i never talk to him again. what the fuck? i know for a fact he would never cheat on me, i've always been the "more independent" one in the relationship blah blah blah..i just always need an escape route. a reason to push everyone i know away. it would be nice to say that as i grow older i will become more trusting, less isolated, more "healthy" in general. but i don't think it will be this way for a while. i wish i knew why.
Comments from others
/u/ihate-chicken [5’7” | CW:116 | 18.1 |]
Created: Fri Oct 5 00:15:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ljsry/comments_from_others/
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Yes, I like being told I look skinny. No, I don’t like every single person telling me at the bar that I look great and that my weight loss is awesome... I’ve only lost maybe 15-20 pounds. This makes me feel like I looked like a super fat whale before since I look like a fat monster now.
Ugh....
[Help] Not losing weight although not eating??
/u/leoloewe19
Created: Thu Oct 4 23:48:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ljnac/not_losing_weight_although_not_eating/
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Hey guys, so my weight was 54.4 Wednesday morning. I ate 600 cal, had a BM, but still my weight on Thursday was 54.8! So I began to fast (38 hours by now) and still the scale didnt change today!! I'm so hungry but now I can't eat and I'm so upset bc I dont understand why this is happening! Advice?
[Discussion] Anyone else just want to die?
/u/ital21978566556432f
Created: Thu Oct 4 23:45:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ljmry/anyone_else_just_want_to_die/
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This isn't any way to live, just losing weight for losing's sake. So utterly pointless. No one else even cares since no one gives a shit about me so what's the point? Endless stories of people relapsing just makes me not wanna bothering recovering since it won't work in the long term and I'll just be fat and depressed. I just need this to end.
What food did you find out was high calorie that killed your vibe?
/u/sunshinefunshinebear
Created: Thu Oct 4 23:38:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ljlc9/what_food_did_you_find_out_was_high_calorie_that/
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For me it was PB, avocado, granola & pretty much everything not on my safe food list :’) :’)
I've reached my goal.
/u/kaelidoscope [5'0 | CW 92| GW: 83.8| 18.9 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 4 23:36:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ljkx1/ive_reached_my_goal/
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I'm not entirely sure what my current weight is since I've stopped weighing myself and doing body checks for the most part, so I was very surprised when I noticed this afternoon that my stomach was flat. I binged right after because I am a slave to instant gratification and after demolishing an entire pizza, although pretty bloated, my stomach is still relatively flat.
It's been building up for a while now but I realise that I don't hate my body anymore. I will never look like the toned insta models who are dripping with confidence, but that is okay because who I am is more than just my body.
I refuse to let myself lose any more weight. I am constantly tired, my hair is pathetically thin, and the brain fog is ruining my education and future. I've made peace with my ED and my body. I will maintain, and if I gain a little, I will forgive myself. I'm not entirely sure if this is a success story but I sincerely hope it will be.
[Rant/Rave] Can’t control my eating but at least my coworker thinks I’m skinny
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 105-107 | UGW: 94 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 4 23:28:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ljjev/cant_control_my_eating_but_at_least_my_coworker/
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I’ve had a sort of bad eating day (for me) and can’t seem to make myself go exercise. But today I was talking with my coworkers about if we prefer hot or cold weather and I mentioned that I’m always cold, and my coworker said, “well of course you’re always cold, you have 0% body fat” which absolutely made my day. I wanted to tell someone how much that meant to me but nobody in my real life would understand, and I knew you guys would get it. Trying not to beat myself up too much about eating badly today and focus on the fact that other people have noticed my effort.
[Other] im watching body positive dancing compilations
/u/dollydomer [5'6 | 110 |GW 100 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 4 23:26:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ljiyv/im_watching_body_positive_dancing_compilations/
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and i cried to much because i convinced myself that because i ate 510 cals today that i was going to look like the girls in the video. but i thought they were happy and i was jealous but now my BDD is bad lol
[Discussion] Anyone else with a drinking problem and an ED ?
/u/heyimhayley
Created: Thu Oct 4 23:22:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lji7l/anyone_else_with_a_drinking_problem_and_an_ed/
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Full day here
Light toast and 1 egg (115)
3 mimosas ( 340)
3 cups popcorn (250)
3 glass of wine (100)
Total 1005 calories.
I feel successful. But gross. I may have the rest of that wine bottle and just count it to tomorrow
[Goal] 1 week fast.
/u/PiggySmiggyGiggy
Created: Thu Oct 4 23:04:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ljece/1_week_fast/
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I'm have been really upset with myself recently. I keep starting fast, and then breaking them when I reach 19 hours. I feel so fucking fat, but then I continue eat??? I'm so annoyed and fed up with myself. I was doing really well with fasting and restricting then all the sudden BAM, one long never ending binge happened... Im doing a one week fast starting today, right now. No eating *and I mean it.* Wish me luck. <3
[Discussion] Dumbest thing you've done bc of brain fog from restricting?
/u/chocolatemochas [163cm| 50kg|18.8bmi|♀️]
Created: Thu Oct 4 22:45:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lja6z/dumbest_thing_youve_done_bc_of_brain_fog_from/
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I am restricting pretty heavily right now so my mind is cloudy af.
Went to get some diet coke from the vending machine at my uni. I was meant to punch in 25 for diet, but my brain short-circuited or something and my finger hit the 2 again... 22 was FULL FAT COKE.
Smh.
[Discussion] Obsessive traint in people with eating disorders? 🤔🧐 (random thought)
/u/ConstantIt
Created: Thu Oct 4 22:29:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lj6m1/obsessive_traint_in_people_with_eating_disorders/
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Now I know we are pretty much obsessed with food, calories and weight.. what I found interesting is that other than that, I also have an annoying and kinda gross obsession of picking my skin. I know it's gonna ruin my face but I can't help it. It can bleed and I wouldn't care. I even literally took a small mole outta my hand because I can't stand it.
Anyway, I noticed that this started from when I was in kindergarten when I would obsessively pick on my lips and bite it till it bleeds.
I'd say I know things about nutrition and I'm more knowledgeable about nutrition like the most of you (except that I don't think I'm qualified to eat the standard amount of calories and I'm sure you know why).
I also realised when I get into something, whether it's a topic about the homeless, crochet, astronomy.. I become obsessed.
Anyone feel this way? It's just something I noticed while connecting the dots.
PS: I noticed that my mum is like that as well and she obviously has obsessive hair picking.
[Help] Serving sizes?
/u/Honneey
Created: Thu Oct 4 22:09:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lj23l/serving_sizes/
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Soooo I was making a small low carb mug cake earlier with almond flour. On the nutrition label it says “ 90 calories—— 3 tbsp (15g)” I recently got a food scale so I measured out 15 grams and it was TINNNY. I pulled out my measuring spoon and it came out to be a little over 1 TBSP. I’m really confused? Am I measuring it right?
[Rant/Rave] Pesky pesto pasta :(
/u/angsty_unistudent
Created: Thu Oct 4 22:01:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lj017/pesky_pesto_pasta/
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I was saving up my calories all of yesterday and all of today so that when I got home from uni I could make myself a bowl of bacon and pesto pasta and eat it without feeling like I was going to die. Yesterday and most of today I survived on tea and one mandarin. I turned down free cookies, student discount eggs etc.
So I made/ate the pasta. I still feel gross and guilty and wrong and ill.
The worst thing of it all?
The pasta didn’t even taste that nice :(
[Rant/Rave] Grades or body.. why not both
/u/smarieculp
Created: Thu Oct 4 21:59:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lizik/grades_or_body_why_not_both/
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I have been losing and I feel like I completely blew it this week because I’m in organic chemistry and we have an exam and I literally couldn’t function restricting but I feel like I could have tried harder. It’s like a constant battle between my desire to look perfect or to be perfect academically wise and I just don’t know how to have both. I mean like when I did binge it wasn’t that bad relatively speaking to what normal people eat in a day but still makes me feel
horrible.. can’t bear to have a weigh in on Friday..
Do any of you have a Keurig?
/u/GhostChamele
Created: Thu Oct 4 21:58:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lizgr/do_any_of_you_have_a_keurig/
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I might want to get one, but I want to know the calories in the flavored coffees and what's the best k cups to get?
[Tip] Any tips on making purging less painful, uncomfortable, and noticeable?
/u/SalehRobbins
Created: Thu Oct 4 21:58:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lizad/any_tips_on_making_purging_less_painful/
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I hate purging so much, but I know damn well I don't have the self discipline to starve myself. I drink water a lot to help, but that doesn't make it any less disgusting. Plus, the towels I use to help clean up anything that's still lingering in my mouth end up stenching and I'm worried that it'll give away the fact that I have an eating disorder. I also need to start purging quickly and quieter. Usually takes me around 45 minutes, and I'm very loud when I purge.
[Rant/Rave] I'm stoned af sorry.
/u/robotsintrees [5'6 | 87.4lbs| 14 | Male]
Created: Thu Oct 4 21:51:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lixr6/im_stoned_af_sorry/
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I just enjoyed a massive slice of my husband's homemade apple pie, and now I'm working on my supplement (chocolate Boost with coffee wooo).
It's not about the food. Pie = love. It won't hurt me as much as constantly refusing my husband's amazing cooking. That continues to ruin our relationship and tear us apart.
I really need to gain the weight, fuck. If I can break 90, then 100, maybe this awful creature in my head will finally leave me alone.
The pie was **so** good, you guys.
[Rant/Rave] I want to scream at the world about EDs
/u/too_bad_so_sad_ [5'5" | 135| GW: 120 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 4 21:41:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9livme/i_want_to_scream_at_the_world_about_eds/
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I’m feeling so frustrated right now. I feel like no one is aware or cares that EDs are (or mostly are) about self depreciation and a lack of self worth. I can disclose bad diet habits, purging, drinking etc. and get sympathy. but if I say I hate my self or my body it’s like I’m crazy & wrong?? Isn’t it all wrong??
I just want to educate the normal folks that I can’t see myself right :(
[Rant/Rave] Why I don't eat at work pt 7958002
/u/ManicPixieBallerina
Created: Thu Oct 4 21:39:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9liv2r/why_i_dont_eat_at_work_pt_7958002/
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"Oh, that's all you're eating?" she says, pointing to my granola bar and coffee.
"Yeah, I'm not a big fan of huge lunches." Not an entire lie, lunch is my least favorite meal of the day, and if I skip at least one meal, lunch is usually one of them. I buy fast food once every other week to keep people from poking at me too much. Not that it stops this damn near daily conversation. I know I've told everyone here I hate big lunches at least once.
She shrugs, and drinks some kind of green slop out of a mason jar. Earlier, she told me her psychic said she would be able to shake off negative karma if she ate nothing but green foods for six months.
[Help] Dating stress!
/u/bbdoc826
Created: Thu Oct 4 21:10:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9liogc/dating_stress/
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I have not been on a date in 5ish years and even then only been on a few... never felt good enough in my body to be intimate with anyone so avoided the whole process, but I feel like I am getting old and need to put myself out there. Dating = drinking and eating and awkward conversation - how do you guys survive it? I planned just drinks to avoid the dinner party, but can’t be the lame girl that just drinks vodka diets and I have dates lined up for Friday and Saturday! What do I do???
So... just signed up for an adult ballet class.
/u/edthrowaway12121
Created: Thu Oct 4 21:10:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9liof5/so_just_signed_up_for_an_adult_ballet_class/
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Has anyone here ever taken one? I’m super nervous but I’ve always admired the entire art of ballet and of course, think they have beautiful bodies. I always watch ballers and it seems like a hobby that can be done into older years as well. I’m also hoping that not everyone in the class is pure perfection, because I’d hate to feel super self conscious. I’m a complete beginner 23 year old as well.
[Rant/Rave] I tried smooth move tea
/u/Yoni1660
Created: Thu Oct 4 20:55:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9likle/i_tried_smooth_move_tea/
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It worked. Well, 8 hours later. The downside is I had otherworldly abdominal cramps and now I feel like I might shit myself. Another benefit is I lost my appetite lol. 8/10 will do again... on my days off
Male EDs
/u/j_finn
Created: Thu Oct 4 20:55:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9likl7/male_eds/
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I am a 16 year old male who has struggled with Anorexia for 2 years which was triggered by wrestling culture and I just wanted to open up a general discussion about guys with EDs whether it’s another guy sharing his experience with an ED, or how the girls here view male sufferers. I’m just curious because anything gender specific I’ve seen on here has been directed towards females.
More about me: I’m in a very recovered mindset at the moment but I still find browsing these types of sites very intriguing and it really doesn’t trigger me. This is also my first post here :)
Anyone breastfeeding?
/u/floating12
Created: Thu Oct 4 20:52:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lijtj/anyone_breastfeeding/
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I’m having a hard time mentally in terms of wanting to restrict but also making sure I have enough milk for my kid. It’s such a battle everyday choosing my kid over my need to not eat. I mean, it’s a no brainer, I’ll choose my kid over me any day, but it’s still so fucking hard.
Thanks for being a place for me to air this out. My friends wouldn’t understand, and I literally only have my husband to talk to who actually used to be ana (still struggles with body dysmorphia). I feel like such a failure even feeling like this.
My friends don’t take pictures of me, I know it’s because of the way I look.
/u/navillanavilla
Created: Thu Oct 4 20:43:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9liho7/my_friends_dont_take_pictures_of_me_i_know_its/
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Warning: this is all over the place sorry
No one post pictures of their ugly friend because it doesn’t make for a pleasant photo. I have huge fucking shoulders and an ogre-ish face.
Literally I think this is the reason for most of my eating disorder. It’s these two parts of my body that have absolutely nothing to do with weight but hold the most insecurity. Not that my ass/stomach/arms aren’t also the bane of my existence but I feel like the thing that really sends me into a spiral are my shoulders and above. Everything is masculine and plain. Small eyes, small but lumpy nose, wide, lopsided mouth and a big man chin. My cheekbones are flat on the front and I also somehow have no jaw definition despite having this stupid fucking chin. Wide short neck leading into man shoulders and tubular breast. And my hair is horrible. I try to fix it and I just fuck it up because I have sit taste.
Why the fuck is my one life on earth being wasted inside this ugly fucking body. Cute, skinny girls don’t understand how truly fucking blessed they are.
[Tip] Accidental appetite suppression
/u/tiflis
Created: Thu Oct 4 20:36:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lifxe/accidental_appetite_suppression/
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I’ve fallen in love with mist diffuser things lately – those pods filled with water that mist lovely scents into the air when you drop essentials oil into them? But I never thought they’d be helpful in suppressing my appetite. Turns out eucalyptus is calming but also kind of medicinally gross, and peppermint has the same effect in the air as it does in tea or whatever else. It’s really hard for me to feel like eating when the diffuser thing is spritzing herby florals in my face lol
I think I work with someone suffering from anorexia
/u/lovleybones_
Created: Thu Oct 4 20:27:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lidle/i_think_i_work_with_someone_suffering_from/
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So I work with this gal... in the medical field. And she’s always talking about calories and working out which is fine. But lately she has been commenting on and comparing what I eat vs what she eats. I eat very conservatively. I make sure I meet my calorie goal set by my counselor and I strive to recover. But she is deep into her... whatever you wanna call it. I don’t want to self diagnose her. But I have been recovering from binge eating and bulimia for 4 years now. (I have relapsed a couple times in those years.) but anyways... working with her is getting hard. She talks about how she has cheese and 5 chocolate chips for dinner. Always brining in sweets for the office but never for herself. Mind you there is a 30 year gap between us. I guess I’m just ranting. But I’ve felt really triggered lately and found myself counting calories today without even realizing it. I’m scared that I’m going to go into full make-myself-throw-up mode. She is probably half my weight too. Which discouraged me. I dunno guys. I just hate feeling this way. I wanna get better but I also wanna compete
[Rant/Rave] The dangers (or wonders) of Bronkaid
/u/srh01
Created: Thu Oct 4 20:06:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9li831/the_dangers_or_wonders_of_bronkaid/
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Wasn't sure if this is the right place to post this, but I have kind of a funny story that's somewhat related to my ED.
So, I have Bronkaid and Excedrin in my room at boarding school. I'm a minor and too young to buy Bronkaid in my state, but I bought it on vacation last summer, since it's not illegal to have/take it as a minor in my state.
I don't do ECA stacks often, but Tuesday night, I pulled an all-nighter before my scholarship application review meeting Wednesday morning. I needed to get drafts of all 12 essays done to prepare for the meeting.
Wednesday morning I was exhausted, and after the 9am meeting, I have classes and labs till 8:30pm on Wednesdays, so I needed a way to feel awake quickly--which brings me to the ECA stack. I took 2 25-mg Bronkaids and 2 Excedrins at 7:30am and was very energetic by 8. Too energetic.
I could barely speak straight, my leg was shaking even worse than usual (gotta love that severe anxiety), and I was super dizzy. By some miracle, I managed to stumble down the two flights of stairs from my room to the office where my meeting was. Amazingly, I got through the entire one-on-one meeting with a school staff member who was already concerned about me and who I thought would for sure notice when I spoke at like a mile a minute and couldn't stop fidgeting. To my knowledge, no red flags were raised. I feel really lucky after coming so close to being found out (and probably kicked out). Will probably not do that again.
[Discussion] Anyone else too scared to step on the scale?
/u/Trowawaysadness
Created: Thu Oct 4 20:02:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9li72s/anyone_else_too_scared_to_step_on_the_scale/
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For years I weighed myself on a daily basis. Hell, even multiple times a day. But that was when I was restricting all the time. When I stepped on the scale my weight would either be the same or lower than the last time. Recently I've been bingeing more and more and I've become terrified of weighing myself. I think I've put on weight. I want to know, but I know that knowing my weight will throw me in a downward spiral of self-hatred, depression and anxiety.
[Discussion] Do you guys do cleanses?
/u/throwaway__1893
Created: Thu Oct 4 19:57:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9li5t7/do_you_guys_do_cleanses/
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I’m thinking of doing one, idk which. So I was wondering if they’re even worth it and which ones you guys do.
What physical symptoms do you notice from your ED?
/u/thinwishes_ [5'7" | CW 135 lb | GW 125 lb | UGW 120 lb | F]
Created: Thu Oct 4 19:57:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9li5pz/what_physical_symptoms_do_you_notice_from_your_ed/
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[Rant/Rave] Triggered because girl in friend group went back to treatment
/u/KrustyKup
Created: Thu Oct 4 19:49:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9li3sm/triggered_because_girl_in_friend_group_went_back/
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So for starters I’m triggered as fuck. A girl in my friend group went back to treatment for like the third time and as worried and sad for her as I am I also feel like an absolute failure?? It’s the most twisted fucked up thing ever. I almost can’t help but think that my weight loss triggered her?? My weight has fluctuated over the past three years and every time I’ve lost weight she seems to drop lbs after I post a pic that shows my weight loss/she sees me in person. She is the most competitive person I know and has said that her disorder wants her to be the skinniest friend in the group.
Side note her and my bf were friends and she liked him but he liked me. We ended up dating and she’s had a special hatred for me since. She’s also the type to sleep with taken guys (even her best friends boyfriend which happened with multiple friends) because it makes her feel good. Smh.
Anyways I’ve always felt that there was an unspoken competition. I recall one instance where we were at a restaurant with our friends and we both couldn’t decide what to drink so we decided to share one. Then we both couldn’t decide what to eat for dinner so we kept asking what the other was getting and eventually ordered the same thing. I don’t think anyone notices. I brought it up to my friend and I know she thought I was crazy.
She has your textbook case of anorexia and she works out like crazy, meanwhile I consider myself to have disordered eating and some anxiety around food/weight loss talk. I lose weight over time while hers is rapid. She goes to treatment and I silently struggle because all my friends have seen worst case scenario and I’m just not that. It’s saddening to me that this is even a thing. I feel like scum for even thinking this way, it’s disgusting.
[Other] got a brand new jacket at my local youth center today!
/u/girlinamber [5'6 | too much | not enough | nb]
Created: Thu Oct 4 19:49:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9li3s5/got_a_brand_new_jacket_at_my_local_youth_center/
---
the brand is fatface 😭😂 im truly on another plane of suffering
I'm just so tired.
/u/polishium
Created: Thu Oct 4 19:48:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9li3i3/im_just_so_tired/
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I'm tired of trying so hard to just make my life livable. I'm tired of trying to recover and being a fat piece of worthless shit and trying to be okay and pretend like I'm just a normal girl like everyone else. I'm tired of lying about my life and how I feel because actually knowing about this shit freaks people out and having to feel so fucking ashamed of struggling.
​
Like I feel so guilty for not just dying. For not just letting people have to stop dealing with me. Like I was never meant to be here by now why am I being so selfish why am I still here
​
I'm not gonna do anything just fuck I'm so fucking tired of just trying to be okay being here. I just wanna be fucking normal fuck I'm just so tired of dealing with all this shit
Anorexia vs Ednos/osfed and relapsing?
/u/Anonymous_fiend [5'3 | CW:112.5lbs | HW:145 LW:83]
Created: Thu Oct 4 19:40:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9li1i4/anorexia_vs_ednososfed_and_relapsing/
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So I'm a little confused about them because there's a fine line in between. I used to be anorexic as a teen then recovered twice. Now that I've relapsed again am I considered osfed since I'm not underweight? In the new criteria anorexia is not dictated by menstrual loss and strict bmi rules so I'm confused. What do you guys view the main differences as? Anyone feel there's a huge difference in first time Ana/osfed and relapsing after recovery?
[Discussion] Question about ephedrine
/u/applesauceistheenemy [5’10.5” | 140 | 19.5 | -70 lb | female]
Created: Thu Oct 4 19:38:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9li0xz/question_about_ephedrine/
---
Isn’t it illegal?? So how do so many people seem to get it? Sorry if this is a super dumb question btw, I genuinely want to know. The only things I have/could get that would have moderately the same effect (maybe) are Sudafed and steroids (which I’ve been given because of anaphylaxis, but didn’t take them). Is there something else I’m missing? Again, sorry if this is super obvious.
[Rant/Rave] got the justification i needed to lose 5 more lbs, i guess!
/u/duskedfur [5'7" | CW: 101 | 15.7 | UGW: 98 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 4 19:36:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9li0dp/got_the_justification_i_needed_to_lose_5_more_lbs/
---
so i’ve been floating around 99-102 for the past few weeks or so and i objectively know i’m very thin now but still, none of my friends and family have commented on my 36 lb weight loss, where i’ve gone from a healthy bmi to a bmi of 15. whatever, i can live with that, maybe they just don’t want to be rude. however in a facebook group i’m in there was a thread where people posted a full body pic and their height and users would guess their weight and since i’m a masochist apparently i commented a recent bodycheck photo and someone guessed 110. fucking 10 lbs heavier than i am. i’ve been debating whether or not i should attempt maintenance or dip into the bmi 14s and i think i just got my answer. 95 pounds here i come :”)
[Rant/Rave] My mom just sent me so many protein bars!
/u/InBetweenTheLies [5'8.5 | 125.2 | 18.49 | -11]
Created: Thu Oct 4 19:24:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lhxi7/my_mom_just_sent_me_so_many_protein_bars/
---
My mom sent me a care package that had a ton of protein bars in it! It had some One! bars, a Quest bar, 2 Lenny & Larry cookies, and some type of protein bar called "Olly" which I had never heard of. I'm super excited because this means I don't have to buy bars until November! It's super nice of her and it was a total surprise!
On the other hand I'm highly anxious about having 17 bars in my room with me. I had one today and it was super good but ugh I don't like having too much easy-to-eat food around. I've already gone into chronometer and planned out which one I'm having each day but still. It's anxiety-inducing.
[Other] Song about addiction that applies to ED: Fond Farewell
/u/NeutralSmithHotel [6'1.4 | CW: 179 | BMI: 23.4 | Weight Lost: -191| M]
Created: Thu Oct 4 19:23:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lhx4v/song_about_addiction_that_applies_to_ed_fond/
---
This is slightly off topic, but all week I feel like I've been really battling with my ED and as my screen name might make clear, I really like Elliott Smith. He was a great artist and struggled with addiction. There is this great lyric in the song Fond Farewell ([https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nabO\_UXb6MM](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nabO_UXb6MM)) that reminds me of my eating disorder--though the lyrics could apply to any addiction.
"I see you're leaving me
And taking up with the enemy
The cold comfort of the in-between
A little less than a human being
A little less than a happy high
A little less than a suicide
The only things that you really tried..
This is not my life..."
​
Anyway... do others feel this way?
[Rant/Rave] Felt stupid in class... teacher made me look really dumb, cut my calories more because of this
/u/NutelllaBellla
Created: Thu Oct 4 19:12:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lhu9s/felt_stupid_in_class_teacher_made_me_look_really/
---
Today in my English class in college, my teacher had us do an assignment in groups, and we eh got called on afterwards.
I have really bad social anxiety, and when I get out on the spot, I draw a blank and literally my voice will not work!
She had called on me earlier during that class period and I stuttered out a dumb, incorrect answer after a long awkward silence.
Then when we were in groups she made us each speak and she fucking DESTROYED ME. She said my answer was wrong and kept waiting on a new one. Once it was clear that I couldn't come up with anything, she started talking to me as if I was I toddler. Like: "Okayyyy, we can walk through it togetherrrr".
I felt so stupid in front of the whole class and wanted to cry. I completely lost my appetite.
Does anyone else's social anxiety make you feel this way? ☹☹☹
[Help] HELP! My parents are making me eat
/u/gatechnightman
Created: Thu Oct 4 19:11:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lhu7z/help_my_parents_are_making_me_eat/
---
So I'm down to my lowest weight and I'm finally underweight. I only have 11lbs left to reach my UGW. I am SO FUCKING CLOSE but my parents decided to say something about my eating tonight at dinner.
I had fruit tonight and a piece of chicken today and my mom said, "You can't live on 300 calories a day." I said ok and we went about my dinner (we had the neighbors over). I just heard them talking and saying something about me eating under 500 calories a day. Then they said that I need to be eating more.
I dont know what to do. I'm living with them right now (im 23 y/o) but I'm so close to my UGW I can't stop now. Please dont tell me to just try to recover because I can't right now.
I need to talk them off the edge and somehow hide that I'm not eating. I need to lose this last 11lbs. I've never been this close before.
[Rant/Rave] Lurker, just need to tell someone
/u/momonomino
Created: Thu Oct 4 18:42:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lhmj9/lurker_just_need_to_tell_someone/
---
When I was younger, I was obese. Then, at 16 i started restricting super heavily and went from 220 lbs to 105 lbs. Since being in a relationship for 7 years and having a kid, my eating habits went pretty much back to a normal level.
But lately my life has been so stressful. I started a new job position with no guidance that has me working 70 hours a week, I have been fighting with my husband, and I realized I look like a fat cow.
So I started restricting again. And I've lost 5 lbs! But I can't tell anyone because they will all figure out what is going on. So I thought I'd tell you guys because i know you understand.
When you love cooking food... but you won't don't eat it...
/u/Ineedthinspo [5'6 | 146 | 23.6 | -45 | ]
Created: Thu Oct 4 18:19:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lhgh6/when_you_love_cooking_food_but_you_wont_dont_eat/
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The dinner I'm making tonight smells absolutely delicious... and yet I'm dreading actually eating it or what I'm going to do with the leftovers since I know my husband won't finish off 2lbs of roasted veg and a bucket of quinoa. Not to mention I've spent half the day picking out more recipes to "try". 🙃
My new mantra
/u/InsatiableLardo [5'5" | 189.7| 53 lbs. | F]
Created: Thu Oct 4 18:18:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lhg7n/my_new_mantra/
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It's like I've got to tell myself a million times... Don't weigh at the end of the day. It's always going to kill me.
proud of myself.. but also not
/u/ch1ckmunk
Created: Thu Oct 4 18:10:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lhdt9/proud_of_myself_but_also_not/
---
so today i ate a ton of cereal, like, i dont even know exactly how much, i was too lazy to measure it. it was probably like 600 to 800 calories worth. which is horrible and i feel bad about it... it wasnt even that good, it was stale, but for some reason i finished it all in one sitting..
but
i didnt purge.
i thought about it, but i didnt do it.
the thing that usually tells me "YOU HAVE TO THROW IT UP RIGHT THIS MINUTE" just didnt scream that at me today for some reason. I don't know why, but I'm glad. I still feel bad for binging on stale, sugary, calorie dense cereal, and I feel like I self-sabatoged my goal weight again, but I am glad that I didn't harm my body by gagging myself, and pouring it back out my mouth along with some acid.
I'll do better tomorrow.
[Discussion] Anyone else addicted to amphetamines?
/u/celestialmisstep [5'4" | -37lb | F]
Created: Thu Oct 4 17:54:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lh9pu/anyone_else_addicted_to_amphetamines/
---
Sure is all fun and games (except not really) until you try to stop. I truly don’t know how I'm ever gonna quit when the extreme hunger and weight gain of withdrawal is so bad. Constant anxiety about my heart giving in. Who else in the club of huge regrettable mistakes?
when ur life is out of control so u restrict to feel in control but it actually just makes u hungry AND out of control <<<<<<<
/u/noroju17 [5'5 | 118 | 19.6 | 14.5 | f]
Created: Thu Oct 4 17:53:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lh9fi/when_ur_life_is_out_of_control_so_u_restrict_to/
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Hey beautiful people. I’m having a crappy week. Midterms, lab reports, incalculable rage at being shaped like a damn pear... the list goes on.
So! To deal with all that loss of control, I decided to restrict for the first time in... Jesus. Months and months, at least. I forgot how hard this shit is. I’m hungry and my head hurts. I can’t stop watching mukbang videos and I really, really, really want to smoke.
Somebody go eat and report back to me lol
feeling disgusting
/u/figiafterglow
Created: Thu Oct 4 17:48:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lh7z4/feeling_disgusting/
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I have a big halloween party coming up and I told myself id fast this month for it and ive done so poorly. I need to AT LEAST lose like 20-30lbs within 23 days. which sounds impossible but Im so determined. I feel so disgusting. my weight and size has been brought up at work so nonchalantly, and I don't want to embarrass my boyfriend at the party as it'll be his first time meeting some of my friends. Ive been so suicidal lately because of how much weight ive let myself gain this year and I just desperately need to lose weight or I feel like im gonna lose it. I feel so worthless and pathetic in my skin I wish I wasn't so ugly.
[Help] how do you cope when ur not able to get anything up?
/u/luckyskunk [5'4|19 f| cw: blastoise | gw: alakazam]
Created: Thu Oct 4 17:43:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lh6jz/how_do_you_cope_when_ur_not_able_to_get_anything/
---
i don't purge too often, so, this is the first time this has happened to me, and idk how to deal w it. i got rid of maybe 1/10th of my binge and i wanna cry. i was stupid and it was unplanned and i didn't drink any water like a dunce. emotionally, physically, what do u do to help after this happens to u?
[Rant/Rave] ex that called me fat the whole time we were dating in my class? well now i have an excuse to fast twice a week
/u/arthroego
Created: Thu Oct 4 17:28:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lh2hr/ex_that_called_me_fat_the_whole_time_we_were/
---
big old rant bc my friends are saying im being unreasonable and this guy aint shit and i shouldnt be so pressed about this, but i know yall will understand
so today was all kinds of levels of shitty.
i had a midterm today. 20% of my grade. ive been "studying" for the past week but absorbing none of it, thanks ADHD. studied for 12 hours Straight last night. ive been so stressed about this exam it actually makes it more impossible to focus since i break under stress and i cant sleep which makes my adhd symptoms worse. maybe 6 collective hours of sleep in the past 96 hours, with zero of them in the last 50 or so
my intake was eghhhhh yesterday since i got korean barbecue and i wanted to fast today but since i couldnt sleep at all last night i decided to eat 350 cal of protein pasta before my midterm so id have some brain fuel/help with mental fog and also just not pass out from sleep and food deprivation.
first of all, i sit down open my exam and get so anxious i completely blank. like i KNEW the stuff on the test but i was so tired and anxious it was like trying to grab handfuls of smoke. just out of reach. id be shocked if i even got a 25%, which sucks and i hate feeling so dumb even though i KNOW im not actually this stupid
but anyways, i roll into the exam room after being awake for 50 hours straight, havent showered in 3 days, wearing a ratty ass hoodie and shorts, bloated from sodium from the kbbq the day before + pasta from this morning. no makeup except remnants of yesterdays mascara, my face skin looks saggy but puffy at the same time from lack of sleep and probs dehydration. my hair was even tied up in a bun bc it was so greasy dry shampoo couldnt save it, and i feel like my shoulders make me look like a linebacker when its up AND my face looks fat and round as fuck. i looked certifiably Bad.
also, after hitting 142 yesterday before kbbq i was 144 this morning from water retention. yay. i know its "fake weight" bc even tho i ate more than i planned it was still 1000 cal even. but man when i get a higher weigh in my dysmorphia gets so bad. i was looking in the mirror and i felt 165 again :(
but i was like whatever fuck it, i just need to do this exam even tho itll be a shitshow and i can go home, shower, and sleep. also its at the point in the semester where my walking routes to class are pretty standard and i leave at the same time every time for this class and i never ran into any exes or whatever on the way so i just didnt bother today idk
this class is like 100ish people in a large lecture hall. i usually sit in the back but it had filled up by the time i got there so i had to sit near the front, and we had to walk down to the bottom to turn in our midterm when we finished, walk back up the steps past everyone to leave the room. most painful 50 minutes of my life, first of all. literally fighting back tears and having a mild anxiety attack the whole time. go to turn in my exam, turn around to leave.
my fucking ex/first boyfriend is in this class and i DIDNT KNOW and he's SAW ME. for context, he pursued me and we started dating, but as soon as i let it out the bag i lost 30 ish pounds and was planning on losing more, holy unsolicited "advice" batman. every time i ate something that wasnt literally a salad in front of him he'd give me shit. but also if i didnt want to smoke with him or go out to eat with him, i was being a bitch. if i didnt wear makeup for a few days he'd tell me i needed to. would tell me i needed to lose more weight and should go to the gym more but would be pissed if i couldnt hang bc i wanted to go the gym.
started stress binging in secret and that with not working out often any more, and i gained like 4 lbs over a month and a half, then 3 lbs over the next 3 months. like not great, but also not my worst gain. like i was 148 when we met and i topped out at 157 ONCE bloated and was generally around 154. and it wasn't all at once, pretty gradual, people wouldnt notice me losing that amount that slowly either????
i am short tho, it did show on my stomach a bit, but it wasnt extreme. like my clothes didnt fit differently, and you wouldnt really notice unless you saw my upper arms or stomach bc they looked less toned. but holy shit. he was relentless. "youre getting kind of fat again, if you gain any more weight i wont be attracted to you" (i WAS OVERWEIGHT WHEN WE MET AND YOU WANTED TO DATE ME BEFORE YOU KNEW I WAS EVER OBESE!!!!!! I DIDNT START THIS LMFAO)
wouldnt hold my hand or show me any PDA when i was over 151. like he could sense it ir smth. would talk constantly about how much hotter my (CLOSE/BEST) friends were and saying i should ask them how they eat and follow that (one is a semi recovered anorexic, the other is bulimic. both diagnosed. like COME ON LOL), all that stuff. i did eventually lose the weight + 10 lbs from when we first met and he would just be nicer and nicer to me as i lost more but even if i just got bloated Once despite losing a decent amount he'd ignore me and reject physical contact of any kind lmao.
like ive always had body image issues and stuff and i got bullied here and there in middle/high school for it esp when i was fatter, but like, you can kind of brush it off at a certain point when the people who say it arent even your friends, but your FIRST boyfriend??? after convincing yourself youd die alone for 8 years straight bc you were fat? damaging as fuck.
like when we met i was so excited to be back in the 140s since i hadnt been that small in 2.5-3 years, and now seeing anything over 142ish (when he started being nicer to me) is so fucking hard on me. even when i was 134 before my last binge cycle he told me if i lost 10-20 more then id be "perfect" so i cant even feel comfortable at my lowest recent weight when i get back to it. i hate it so much. also other little things, like he'd ask me to take my hair down whenever i put it up and told me if i cut it he'd break up with me. ugh.
so basically, my ex who i know judges the shit out of my appearance and thinks i look gross over 142 and thinks i need makeup and my hair looks terrible up and i dress like shit, saw me exemplifying literally everything he thought was disgusting about me. i saw him look.
on the bright side the last time i ran into him i was 158 so at least like i didnt get fatter this time but i still know im not at one of his "good" weights. my hair was up, you could see my fat ass chubby cheeks. shorts, stretch marks and cellulite out. ugh. i went home and just cried, over how i look, over running into him, over still letting him have that power over me even though its been like a year and a half now since we broke up, over being dumb.
but now ive gotten a nap in, and im gonna turn this in to motivation. i was ranting to one of my friends about it and she was just like "dress super hot on the days you have class with him and get that face beat and make him regret it"
and i realized. i could just water fast every tuesday/thursday. id get a day break between them so its more approachable than a 36-48 hr fast, and its my two busy days anyway so id save time not eating. id look less bloated in front of him, another plus. id lose weight faster. another plus. he'd see me getting thinner and thinner, until im at what he said would be an attractive weight and beyond. ive decided im flipping this. idc if its petty or sad that i still give a fuck.
i want to eat all my feelings, but i want him to regret shitting on me for being fat and not supporting me well MORE. even though my lifes a fucking mess and im deeply unhappy and i hate the way i look and my grades are shit, he wont know that if he just sees me getting smaller and smaller and looking pretty af in class twice a week :-)
it feels so immature and petty but i cant help myself lmao. i want to be 125 (beginning of fhe range he said id look ~good~at) by the end of the semester and flounce by him every day and remind him im better off without him. hehe. and then get even skinnier and show up to one of his frat's parties and make out with with big in front of him. he made me feel so inadequate and shitty. its his turn now lmao.
anyone else use shitty exes as ED fuel??
Unintended benefit of the EC stack
/u/The_Specialist_says [5'10'' |CW 205|+20 :(| GW 160 | UGW 130|F]
Created: Thu Oct 4 17:18:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lgzuj/unintended_benefit_of_the_ec_stack/
---
So I’ve let myself go for a year due to the stress of getting into grad school. Only the last couple weeks have I been constricting and working out the amount I have eaten that day- so eat 700 cal burn 700 cal.
I’ve been using the EC stack to control my eating(I am prone to terrible binging episodes gained 40 pounds in a 1.5 years 🙃🙃). So I have asthma and I noticed that I don’t need to use my inhaler when I’m working out! Since bronkaid is actually for asthma it makes sense- it took me a while to notice.
I lurk a lot and I just want to say you guys are lovely❤️
[Discussion] my biggest fear
/u/planetskinny
Created: Thu Oct 4 17:02:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lgvku/my_biggest_fear/
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my biggest fear is not being able to stop myself once i reach my ugw. i’ve read so many posts and watched so many ed recovery videos where the person said when/if they’re at their ugw, they weren’t happy. they continued.
i know how stupid it sounds but once i reach my ugw i want to recover. (maybe even before then, but who knows.) i know you can’t just suddenly recover but hey, i can give it a shot.
i don’t even know if this fear is irrational or rational. ugggghhhh.
DAE feel like this?
[Other] Gardein porkless bites review!
/u/BigFrameSkinnyAddict
Created: Thu Oct 4 17:00:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lguuj/gardein_porkless_bites_review/
---
These are really good! They have a nice spicy kick that's not to powerful and its perfect for when you miss chinese takeout. The entire bag is only 480 cals which is perfect for me cause I only eat dinner now. A serving is 9 pieces with 2 tbsp of sauce for only 160 calories!
[Rant/Rave] Everything is a mixed bag today, and I keep forgetting what day it is
/u/bingeyboa [5'0" | 98 | 19.1 | -19 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 4 16:54:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lgt4x/everything_is_a_mixed_bag_today_and_i_keep/
---
I'm so cold, and so fucking tired, and I'm 118 hours into a water fast, and my roommate won't FUCKING LEAVE. I fucking HATE her, because we pay the same amount in EXORBITANT RENT, but she moved in a week earlier and took the room that's double the size of mine, and her boyfriend is ALWAYS OVER. She's nice and all, but comments on my food constantly, and I just want her to stay away from me. This weekend is a break at my college, and she said she's going home this weekend two weeks ago, but she won't fucking leave and she won't stop fucking talking to me, and she keeps the air at freezing levels, and I'm just so so cold. Also, my fasting brain keeps forgetting that it's thursday, so technically she doesn't have to leave today, but she has no classes on fridays, and I want her gone.
(Side note, I have to go up and down stairs at my job, and for all you fellow fasters out there, when going down the stairs seems impossible/potential suicide, have I got the trick for you. Turn sideways, lean your back against the railing, and go down one foot at a time, hands on the railings, and lord it's so much easier. Going up is still hellish, but down is less broken nose territory like this.)
My boss also sucks and I hate her. I like my other supervisors, but my new boss is so annoying. She talks constantly, gives me "weight advice" (girl, I may be squishy, but I ain't as squishy as u), because she's "on a popcorn diet". Bitch is a normal weight, but she won't be for long, because she eats three bags of butterlicious popcorn a day to be healthy + "nutritious" sauteed vegetables from the Tasty channel. She's heading for gainz town. She also has this annoying habit of not knowing how to do her job but acting like she owns the department which I've been low-key running for two semesters now. She says "exactly" in response to things she DOESN'T KNOW. I'll be like, "And then you move the request to the delivery queue, not the delivered queue, because that skips delivery and keeps the customer from receiving their request." And that biatch goes, "Exactly." NO NOT EXACTLY. YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG DESPITE BEING \*MY\* SUPERVISOR, AND NOW I HAVE TO FIX \*YOUR\* MISTAKES. NO.
I also screwed up my electrolytes today, despite careful planning, so my knee muscle is just contracting repeatedly and painfully, and no amount of ibuprophen is helping. I took an electrolyte shot, pickle juice, and am slurping some powerade 0, so hopefully that'll fix me up, but I have ballet in an hour, so I have no clue if I'll be able to dance or not. I'll probably just dance through the pain, because we already had a class canceled this week, and if I miss another day of exercise I'll cry. My fitbit counts it as only 220 cals burned for 1hr15mins of ballet, but every other counter says its 350 cals, and I'm not going to miss either opportunity to burn some lard off my body, even if I defo count it as just 200.
On the bright side my confused fasting brain focused up for my ConLaw midterm today, and I think I nailed it, which feels good. And according to the Mayo Clinic BMI calculator, with my weight at 94.4 lbs and my waist circumference at 23" I'm officially underweight, with a BMI of 18.4. I know it's just dropped water weight from fasting, and when I break my fast at 9pm tomorrow, I'll shoot back up, but it feels good to finally hit that goal, even if I know it's kind of an illusion.
Plus, tomorrow is going to be fun. I get off work at 2, and after that I'm going shopping to get my safe foods and a few binge foods just because I love living on the edge of a sharp, serrated knife. I'mma get me some banana chips and more salsa, then play video games while my jello sets before I break my fast. Yes, first person shooters, let me vent my rage at alien invaders!!
I'm also psyched because I have my break meal planned out. I'll start with a watermelon rind and peach flavoring (5 cals, #blessup) smoothie, for a total of 35 calories. Then I'll move on to sugar free jello. An entire pan of raspberry goo for 40 cals. Then I get to have air-popped popcorn and some salsa and sour cream on lettuce. That last bit I'll probably end up purging, because I'm a purge monster, but I'm looking forward to it, because I get to watch TV (gravity falls, the vvitch, and maybe over the garden wall, bc spooky season) and lay on the couch and finally eat after not eating since 9pm Saturday night.
I wish I could make it a full week, but I have another dance class saturday that's two hours of intense pointe work, so I really can't afford to pass out in front of the instructor or the anorexic girl who's trying really hard to recover. She's the same age as my little sister, and I really want her to get better, because she's so sweet and such a good dancer, still in high school, and doesn't deserve this lyfe, because let's get real it ain't no lyfe at all.
Anyway, this was super long, but I just needed to vent. I love this community so much because you guys don't judge me an inch, and you have all been through similar trials. Ultimately today was a win, and now that I've vented, I feel so much better.
TL;DR - A lot of stress in my life, but thanks to fasting, I've hit underweight bmi, if only for a golden 24 hours, and I love this community for letting me vent. Love yinz lots and be safe.
DAE end up binging because of 'decision fatigue' caused by constantly thinking of food
/u/Bookofkelis [5'10 | 126 | 18.1 | GW 118 | 20F]
Created: Thu Oct 4 16:41:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lgpe2/dae_end_up_binging_because_of_decision_fatigue/
---
so i was reading about it recently and the basic premise is that the more decision making you have to do, the lower the quality of those decisions are. so if you need to make one decision about something, it will likely be a good/sensible one, but after a long day of making decisions you become increasingly irrational.
for me this rings true when it comes to food because i'm CONSTANTLY making decisions about it
like a non-disordered person makes maybe a few decisions a day about food, like 'do i want pasta or pizza?' and 'do i fancy margarita or pepperoni?' but they're pretty much inconsequential and don't need much thought behind them.
whereas as soon as i wake up i'm planning my meals down to the last detail, working out how many grams of each ingredient i can eat to make it low cal enough, whether i should have a tablespoon of dressing or sacrifice it for a higher volume of veggies, whether i should eat it at 1 o clock or 2 o clock, whether eating this snack in the morning when i'd planned it for the evening will ruin my entire day, whether the splash of milk in my tea is worth the cals. and all these decisions seem SO high stakes at the time and require SO MUCH mental energy that i'm drained by the end of the day.
so i binge. binging only requires one decision. once i've given in, i'm on autopilot; if my body wants to eat the thing, then it eats the thing, no decision making required. half the thrill of the binge comes from giving up control and giving into the irrational side of my brain. maybe this is because i have literally used up my ability to make good decisions about food...
anyone feel the same way?
​
[Rant/Rave] Why is all social interaction about food??
/u/whydiepizzapie
Created: Thu Oct 4 16:32:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lgmzl/why_is_all_social_interaction_about_food/
---
An event I've been looking forward to for a long time is tomorrow. This event involves a seated Thanksgiving level meal. I am terrified. I want to go, I want to see my friends. What I don't want to do is throw off my months of restricting. I have managed not binging in this time and about to drop into the 120s and I am so scared this is going to through it all off.
Idk what I want from this post but I'm just so scared.
[Rant/Rave] No wonder I relapsed
/u/zaniathin [5’3” | CW: 154 | -6 lbs | F | Relapsed Again]
Created: Thu Oct 4 16:32:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lgmyw/no_wonder_i_relapsed/
---
So backstory, I’m in the Army and I’ve been injured so I’ve been working on getting back to health.
Which I’ve mostly done.
Unfortunately my weight ballooned up since I couldn’t do much activity wise. I wasn’t comfortable with it but I was fighting relapsing back into my old habits.
Wouldn’t you know it, the army thinks I’m far too fat even though I passed the stupid PT test. Not only did I fail our height/weight, I “busted” tape which means my measurements were too large for my height and age according to the Army standards.
All because I have a skinny ass neck at 13”. Yeah I’m bigger than I want to be with a 31” waist and 41” hips, but I know far larger women who pass their height/weight fine but can’t pass a Physical Fitness test.
So fuck me.
I was on the brink of relapsing a few weeks ago, I was fighting it and trying not to fall too far into old habits although I could feel myself slipping.
Fuck it, I give up.
I’m back.
[Rant/Rave] Hehehehe
/u/sunnyrai99
Created: Thu Oct 4 16:16:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lgi5e/hehehehe/
---
Some of you might remember me as the masochist who purges creamy sriracha on the daily
Guess what
I found a way that helps me not burn my throat and nose so much (yeah sometimes it comes out my nose)
MILK
MILK MY GUY MILK IS THE CURE
Okay my mom never bought milk growing up bc were sorta allergic like it makes it hard to breathe cause it makes our noses so stuffy. Well I’m not keeping it in long enough so it seems to be okay, so yeah!! If you eat something so spicy ppl always say drink milk well it also works in this way ^-^
[Goal] Wooshed to 123.45!
/u/Hollowclouds [5'2🌸 125 lbs🌸20F]
Created: Thu Oct 4 16:12:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lgh23/wooshed_to_12345/
---
I’ve been stuck above 124 for so. damn. long. Ohhhhh it’s so satisfying to finally dip down. And to 123.45 lbs?? 🙌 whoosh baby whoosh.
I wish I had the flu all the time.
/u/teahontas
Created: Thu Oct 4 15:55:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lgbzg/i_wish_i_had_the_flu_all_the_time/
---
I had the flu this week for the first time. But before you go apologizing to me for my misfortune, let me tell you what else happened this week:
I hit a new goal weight.
I lost five lbs.
I ate less over the course of the week than I typically do in a day.
It was a good week.
I maintained for two months. Getting back on track, regaining control, and reaching my goal weight.
/u/taikutsuu [5'9'' | cw: 119, -33 | 17.2 bmi | gw: 105 | 18f]
Created: Thu Oct 4 15:37:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lg6us/i_maintained_for_two_months_getting_back_on_track/
---
Personal issues for the past two months have been too much. I drink too much, I smoke too much and get munchies, it felt like my mind was screaming at my body not to eat calories but I couldn't resist. Well, I will resist now. I'm hitting 100 pounds by christmas, and hopefully 112 by the end of october. I'm ready to starve. I don't deserve anything else but that.
I feel awful for trying to pave my anorexia's ways, but to be honest? I'm excited. I have nothing else left. My last suicide attempt was two weeks ago. I'd rather starve than die. i bought new batteries for my scale today to last me for months (considering I use it 20 times a day, they run out quite fast). I ordered a bunch of korean fashion today, and even though my mum is concerned that I'm losing too much, I'm ready to be dainty and skinny and boney. I hate myself, and I'm ready to suffer.
Skeletons galore.
[Other] Salt and water retention vs osmosis????
/u/fish110 [5'4"|CW125|GW110|F]
Created: Thu Oct 4 15:23:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lg2h2/salt_and_water_retention_vs_osmosis/
---
So I've always thought that eating salt would make you bloat and retain water, but in biology my teacher said that if you eat a lot of salt, then osmosis would suck some water out of you (salt=solute) and you would lose water weight???
Is anyone willing to participate/join a proed discord with all of us?
/u/depression_butterfly
Created: Thu Oct 4 15:18:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lg106/is_anyone_willing_to_participatejoin_a_proed/
---
Or is there one I can join that already exists?
[Discussion] I can’t handle the cycle anymore
/u/Shewantstolive
Created: Thu Oct 4 15:14:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lfzmo/i_cant_handle_the_cycle_anymore/
---
I keep binging , so then I exercise for an hour to an hour and a half, so then I take a ton of laxatives because I don’t purge and I need what I ate out of my system and then I vow to fast the next day only to fail and binge again and do everything over again to where I can’t even weigh myself because I know it’s either gonna show binge weight which can be anywhere between 5 to 8 pounds at a time or it’s going to say I’m maintaining. I want to break free of the 140s , I need my mind to give in . I need to become someone else . And at the end of the day I just feel sad and broken that I’m such a failure at being thin. It makes me so sad inside .
I am so disgusted with myself
/u/lilycrux
Created: Thu Oct 4 15:02:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lfvw3/i_am_so_disgusted_with_myself/
---
I feel so sick right now. I went to lunch with my mom and ordered my own meal, which I didn’t even eat half of, so i got a box to take back with the leftovers. But idk what happened, when I got home, I got this urge to eat more suddenly and just devoured almost the entire thing like a monster.
I’m so sad and disappointed and want to throw up. I never eat more that 400-600 calories a day and now I eat a giant to-go box of food in literally seconds . ☹️it’s even worse because I already feel like these last few days have been bad with eating over my usual calorie intake and my weight loss has slowed significantly. I’m such a failure, ughhhhhhh :(
[Rant/Rave] i’ve been on medical leave for 3 months & just returned to work & all my coworkers keep commenting on how small i am
/u/fweakybby [5’5” | 132| 22.0 | 68lbs | F]
Created: Thu Oct 4 15:02:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lfvtt/ive_been_on_medical_leave_for_3_months_just/
---
i am eating this shit up. almost everyone has commented on my weight loss & saying how good i look since getting a couple more tattoos (chest piece & progress on my sleeve). even though i feel like i need to lose a solid 10 lbs more it’s good to be reminded (and feed my ego) that i have lost almost 15 pounds in 3ish months.
my new GW is 115 so only 10 lbs to go.
also i’m glad i’m working bc i don’t eat at work + don’t have any food here unless i go get some. so at least i know 3 days a week i won’t eat until at least 7.
sorry rant that’s lowkey all over the place.
[Rant/Rave] TIL Google Photos has been syncing and storing all the old body checks I thought I lost
/u/sugafreedreams [18M / 181cm 🏳️🌈 HBMI: BMI 30.3 / CBMI: 17.2]
Created: Thu Oct 4 14:52:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lfssl/til_google_photos_has_been_syncing_and_storing/
---
My "healthy" weight loss didn't really turn into an ED until some months ago, but I still took semi-nude full body mirror pics from all angles to track progress every month since I started. I thought I lost all of them after having to wipe all data from my phone in May, because I have never purposefully enabled any wireless photo backup service or manually backed them up anywhere. But earlier today I got a Google+ notification to "rediscover what you did a year ago today". It turns out every single picture and video I thought I had lost was actually synced into Google Photos without me even knowing and is still there!
This is a treasure chest for my body dysmorphia, it's pretty crazy to see some of these pictures and remember what I thought of them when I first took them. I even thought I looked pretty thin when I took photos at a BMI of 20. As would any sane person looking at those photos, but looking at them now just accentuates how big I am as a person. Not even the fat-type of big, it's just that I have a wide bone structure and can never truly be "small" no matter how much I lose. I don't even carry weight particularly poorly, it's pretty evenly distributed, but being of any normal BMI just makes me look big and round. I want to be the exact opposite, small and sharp.
The wide hips and rounded shoulders I hate the most right now are more and more prominent the further back the photo is dated. Almost kind of triggering, knowing that those things are going to keep getting less and less visible the more I lose. Oh pointy shoulders, how I crave thee...
[Rant/Rave] I literally don’t understand squats.
/u/ayybih
Created: Thu Oct 4 14:48:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lfrpc/i_literally_dont_understand_squats/
---
I don’t understand how the fuck you keep your knees from going over your toes. I’ve watched tutorials. I’ve watched my own form in videos. It just doesn’t make sense. If I keep my knees back, I literally fall backwards. What the fuck is my body broken
[Rant/Rave] I’m at my GW and I’m still not happy
/u/shonamairead [5'6 | CW 140lbs | GW1 - 120 | -20lbs | F]
Created: Thu Oct 4 14:42:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lfpvf/im_at_my_gw_and_im_still_not_happy/
---
I weigh exactly what I weighed at my lowest 4 years ago when I was really slim but now I look at myself and I feel like I look the same as I did 20lbs ago. I feel like I’ll never be happy with myself. Also I went to see a psychiatrist today and was told I’m on a waiting list which is 8-12 months long 🙃
Ugh my bf triggers my ed so bad
/u/gldedbttrfly [5'5 | CW 128 | GW 110]
Created: Thu Oct 4 14:28:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lflao/ugh_my_bf_triggers_my_ed_so_bad/
---
So I skipped breakfast today, had a sushi lunch (around 500cals and I’m starving) and he’s picking up food for everyone in the house so I asked him to pick up something for me. He tells me, so you ate sushi and you’re still hungry and you want more food?? (It’s literally like 5pm)
Why do I feel like he’s just being an asshole to me
[Discussion] Fasting activities?
/u/Roseemacculate02
Created: Thu Oct 4 14:28:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lfl4q/fasting_activities/
---
What do you like to do while fasting ? I basically have the whole day to myself (yay!) And I was thinking of hanging with someone, but that seems tricky without eating all day. Was wondering what ya'll like to do to keep your mind off food? Also, this is my first time trying it and so far so good!
[Tip] If you aren't doing well thus far in No Binge October, it's okay.
/u/-bluehoney- [5'3" | ƧᏔ 187 | ℂᏔ 173.8 | ᎶᏔ 120 | ƒ |🍑bluehoney]
Created: Thu Oct 4 14:27:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lfktd/if_you_arent_doing_well_thus_far_in_no_binge/
---
I've seen a few posts about people saying that they've already binged and that the month was a waste. That isn't true, and whenever I let myself think that way, I binge for the rest of the month thinking "I'll try again next month." And over. And over. And over.
You can ALWAYS start over right now. If you can make it the rest of the month without bingeing, that is a HUGE success. And maybe once you reach that point, you won't want to binge anymore. You DO have time. It is okay. :)
[Rant/Rave] Body dysmorphia
/u/ih8mesomuch
Created: Thu Oct 4 14:22:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lfjev/body_dysmorphia/
---
Hi I’m frustrated. So very badly and intensely frustrated.
Recently my ribs have been INSANley sticking out. Like it’s crazyyyyyy town. And my shoulder bones are crazy pointy. But my stomach looks huge. Like I think I’m obese even tho I know I’m really underweight. I also complain about how fat I am and how huge my stomach is and the only way I can look at myself in the mirror and know I’m “not” is because of my fucking ribs. It’s so frustrating bc as my ribs stick out more and more.... my stomach seems bigger and bigger. I just need help. Ugh.
[Rant/Rave] It isn't always about control...
/u/xxpepperbombxx [5'9" | CW:217 | F | Weight lost: 83]
Created: Thu Oct 4 13:58:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lfbka/it_isnt_always_about_control/
---
Hey guys..
I have been avoiding posting for a while because of my issues with my other issues namely Schizoaffective Disorder. I wanted to share some things about how this affects what is my eating disorder. I don't know if you guys know but schizoaffective disorder is a combination of schizophrenia and either depression or bipolar disorder. I personally have the depressive type.
Now, I wanted to share my unique situation with my eating disorder. My eating issues do not primarily center around weight and control. However, I have persistent delusions and severe psychotic episode that involve food. Most of my delusions involved the belief that ..
I am not real
Food is not real
I don't need to eat because I am not real
If I do choose to eat it is food that I deem real enough to be eaten.
​
These persistent delusions create a battle in being about to sit down and enjoy a meal. For when I see the food sometimes it is hard for me to ignore the voices telling me not to eat, that the food isn't real it is poison etc. I have to search endlessly it seems for the right food, it has to be a "safe food", it has to be the right time. There are too many factors to keep track of. This creates huge anxiety around food.
​
I also have frequent psychotic episodes against my body because I will believe this body is not mine. This has caused me to self harm not to seek comfort but to escape "the body". When I am having dark moments I want to torture my body in anyway..
​
I feel so in between having an eating disorder or am I just crazy. I find it easier to live a restricting lifestyle and eat safe foods rather than be exposed to uncomfortable situations. I don't b/p anymore as a form of self-harm to my body. However, I do what this body to feel lighter so I am less triggered to be inside it..
​
I had to post this and tell someone what its like so I feel less alone somehow..
​
​
[Rant/Rave] Cool fun way to lose your appetite! /s
/u/-bluehoney- [5'3" | ƧᏔ 187 | ℂᏔ 174.5 | ᎶᏔ 120 | ƒ |🍑bluehoney]
Created: Thu Oct 4 13:42:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lf6im/cool_fun_way_to_lose_your_appetite_s/
---
Went to the health department yesterday to get my old nexplanon removed and another put in. I am probably one of the most squeamish humans alive. I HATE blood. Seeing it, smelling it, feeling my own pulse, it just makes me incredibly nauseated. (The first time I ever tried to give blood I threw up and passed out). And also generally don't like... internal things.
I was feeling deathly anxious as they numbed me, but the ladies were really nice! One was doing the lil operation and the other was holding my hand on the other side and talking to me so I wouldn't look. She starts digging it out and I'm just rambling on and on about acting and theatre and music at a RAPID nervous pace and I wear it takes like ten years (okay maybe more like twenty minutes). And I'm like 'oh well maybe its taking so long because they're going ahead and putting the new one in and didnt tell me they were starting that, we should be done soon!'. Ten minutes later. "Okay we're starting the new one!" WHAT. Why did getting it out take so long, you ask? WELL. Apparently the person who installed it put it in at an angle and she couldnt feel the end of it to push it out, so she had to FISH AROUND IN MY ARM. \*gags\*
Just the THOUGHT of that happening while I'm laying there just... Nope. Nope nope nope. AND, my arm feeling sore (after all the digging and putting a new one in) makes me nauseous to remember its because theres a little THING under my SKIN ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Every time I move my arm the wrong way I am re-disgusted. Yay?
On a brighter note, its the best birth control ever. My old one actually ran out in may, and when it did my periods became super fucking long and super fucking heavy as opposed to the 'once every few months you'll spot a bit' like it was when it was working. So so glad to get this fucker back in even if it's gross. What are y'alls experiences with it?
[Discussion] Eating Disorder and Hypersexuality Feels
/u/gothicusmaximus [5'10" | 113.8 lb | BMI: 16.3 | Male | LW: 97]
Created: Thu Oct 4 13:40:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lf5uo/eating_disorder_and_hypersexuality_feels/
---
That feeling when you wish you had no gag reflex so you could deep throat cock, but you're also glad you that have one, because if you had no gag reflex, you wouldn't be able to purge... does anyone else relate? Or is it just me? lmao
Any Laxative Experience Here?
/u/TheDankPuss
Created: Thu Oct 4 13:36:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lf4kg/any_laxative_experience_here/
---
My weight has been holding steady for the past WEEK despite barely eating 1000 calories and working out intensely every night. I think the issue is my lack of a BM for several days. So hopefully all that food weight is accumulating in my guts somewhere.
I am eager to see the scales tip again. Any recommendations? Are laxatives worth it?
Can’t fast
/u/buenothot [Height 5’3 | CW 200 | BMI ? | Weight Lost 128 lbs | Gender F]
Created: Thu Oct 4 13:22:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lf06e/cant_fast/
---
Is anyone else unable to fast because of the meds they’re taking? I’m on latuda and if I don’t eat 350 calories with it it doesn’t work
[Help] Are Diet Coke and monster ok for vegans?
/u/alonlioak
Created: Thu Oct 4 13:18:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lez2b/are_diet_coke_and_monster_ok_for_vegans/
---
Asking for a friend lol
How, what, why, what now
/u/AspergersAndCoffee [5'2F | Last recorded weight 93 | SW 100 | Starting therapy soon]
Created: Thu Oct 4 13:14:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lexkn/how_what_why_what_now/
---
Today I got weighed. I was at a psychiatrist 17 days ago and they told me if I lose 2 kilograms more, I'm off to the mental hospital. I was weighed that day.
Now, apparently I lost one and a half.
I don't know how did that happen! I told my mom it has to be water weight (I was eating at maintenance the past few weeks. Felt deprived and starved but it was maintenance calories for me) but she doesn't listen. I don't know what to do. Since I feel worse about five days eating 10 calories more than I "should" than about eating a fuckton one day, and I'm invited to a birthday party, I'll probably let myself binge there so I'll gain weight with minimal guilt. But last time I overate made me end up on the emergency psychiatric unit the next day... I'm so conflicted.
This might be kind of a weird idea but...
/u/cmb77
Created: Thu Oct 4 13:03:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9leu9u/this_might_be_kind_of_a_weird_idea_but/
---
...anyone down to exchange snaps? I'm just looking for some lighthearted convo about everything and anything, sending fun cute snaps, I'm open to talking about ed stuff but conversation really doesn't have to be about that. I've been feeling really down lately and don't really have a local support network/can't afford therapist, and a lot of yall seem really genuine, kindhearted and lovely. I'd love to meet you :)))
I'll start: 21/f, uni student in northeast us, ana/ednos
[Rant/Rave] decided to sabotage recovery by taking my measurements :')
/u/AgreeableReplacment
Created: Thu Oct 4 13:02:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9letsx/decided_to_sabotage_recovery_by_taking_my/
---
ive been weirdly nostalgic for my eating disorder and kinda restricting the past while. i impulsively took my measurements and good lord did that trigger me. now im relapsing bad ugh why do i do this to myself.
​
[Help] Weird obsession with a dead girl?
/u/orthoreXXX [23F | 5’4” | cw 112 | gw 105 | bmi 19.6]
Created: Thu Oct 4 13:00:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9let8o/weird_obsession_with_a_dead_girl/
---
Ugh. This is a weird one, you guys.
She was my ex’s friend’s ex girlfriend. He brought her to a party once and I remember thinking she was one of the most beautiful tiny girls I’ve ever seen. Eventually he left her (I found out later that it was because her eating disorder was driving them apart)
About a month ago she died from relapsing into bulimia, and ever since then I’ve been obsessively scrolling through her Instagram and Facebook every day. Her Instagram is all about recovering from EDs and she had photos and statuses of her in the hospital at 70lbs, eating, doing yoga, pics of her as an overweight child, and attending a recovery group and I don’t know why but I feel so fucking terrified.
She was recovering and she still relapsed and died anyway. I’m just so scared that’s going to happen to me. I don’t want to die and I don’t want everyone to know that I died from an ED.
Idk why I’m so obsessed. Her insta and Facebook never changes but I still scroll through them top to bottom almost every day. I don’t really know if I’m looking for advice or if I need to vent but my ex has already seen her in my search history twice and I just want to leave her alone
[Discussion] Serious question
/u/LnD13313
Created: Thu Oct 4 12:56:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lerve/serious_question/
---
I know there are different ways anas deal with it.
But why haven’t the anas that like t cook and fixate on cooking, created a restaurant?
Low cal restaurant?!?!?!
[Rant/Rave] I CAN'T STOP BINGING AAAAAARRRGGHGHGH
/u/fatamyfitamy [Fatty McFatShit]
Created: Thu Oct 4 12:54:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lerag/i_cant_stop_binging_aaaaaarrrgghghgh/
---
I feel like I am losing my fucking mind. I literally cannot stop myself. Every fucking day it's something. What the fucking fuck, self!??!?!
How did you find this sub?
/u/WearyFinish
Created: Thu Oct 4 12:49:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lepou/how_did_you_find_this_sub/
---
I recently found this sub after lurking on 1200isplenty and loseit for a month and seeing it mentioned. I'd been fed up with the condescension and denial in those subs for a while. (Like why is every post in 1200 about shittier versions of junk food? lol)
So I lurked here for a bit too and was surprised how supportive and caring everyone is.
It's ironic how people on those subs will immediately demonize any commenter for participating in this one, meanwhile folks here are way nicer and care about each other's mental, emotional, and physical well-beings.
Anyone else come here that route?
Bulimia really snuck up on me...
/u/PrestigiousFun5
Created: Thu Oct 4 12:44:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9leo29/bulimia_really_snuck_up_on_me/
---
I was in recovery from anorexia for over a year, then started binge/purging one to two times a week a few months ago, and suddenly this last month I have realized I have been binge/purging everyday up to three times a day.
I honestly don't know how I got here or how to stop, and I am afraid I will gain a ton of weight since everyone says purging doesn't actually work... I am not even trying to lose weight I just don't want to gain any.
[Discussion] Does anyone NOT calorie count?
/u/curvylucifer [5'2 | F | drowning in coffee]
Created: Thu Oct 4 12:28:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9leiqf/does_anyone_not_calorie_count/
---
I used to calorie count. Obsessively. I've slipped out of the habit from getting into a new relationship but I still severely restrict/omad. Am I just wasting my time?
I probably count once or twice a week just to be aware. Does anyone else heavily restrict and not count?
[Other] 🍑
/u/lifesabreech [5'1" | 101.8 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 4 11:55:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9le85p/_/
---
Sorry if this is annoying & please delete if not allowed, but i just got peach and wanted to do a username dump? Mine’s @cottoncandybang 💗
I’m so upset I want to cry
/u/peacecorpsquestion3 [5’6 | 118]
Created: Thu Oct 4 11:48:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9le5sw/im_so_upset_i_want_to_cry/
---
Storytime....
So I was liquid fasting today so I’ve been basically chugging tea all day and my French teacher is really strict with bathroom passed. I asked if I could go, she said no, I didn’t want to interrupt so I just said fuck it and took the pass and left
I come in during lunch to present and she starts interrogating me about how much I pee? And how much I eat?? And this was in the middle of a silent room full of like 10 other people. And then made me do my presentation like normal. I was so shaken up I did really badly and I’m so pissed
MMC: should I break a fast early (not for health reasons)?
/u/WWEisVegan
Created: Thu Oct 4 11:27:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ldz9u/mmc_should_i_break_a_fast_early_not_for_health/
---
I'd been plateauing in the 150s for September, which is the cusp of overweight and normal weight for my height. I started October with a fast to break the plateau and get into the 140s and all, and I wanted to go for a week. But based on my progress I think I'll hit the 140s tomorrow, and I forgot when I decided all this that I agreed to have lunch with a friend and his mom on Saturday. So I'm sort of considering breaking the fast a day or two early. Break it tomorrow night after completing five days, or break it Saturday morning in preparation for eating with my friend.
Argument for breaking the fast is 1. so I can eat with my friend. 2. because while I don't feel dizzy or nauseous, I do feel foggy and weak, and I don't like it. 3. because I have a lot of unexpected school work to do this weekend and I don't know if I can concentrate on it if I'm this hungry, and 4. because I'm hungry and I wanna, honestly.
The downside of breaking early is that I'll probably just barely get into the 140s, so the risk of jumping back into the 150s as soon as a eat would be high. If I keep going, I'll get more solidly into the 140s (hopefully 145) and then I have wiggle room for the water weight when I do eat. Plus, I've never done more than five days before and I'd really like to just to experience it, and I'd rather get a week out of the way while I'm already halfway there instead of having to plan on doing this again. I was really hoping to stop doing extended fasts once I got into a normal weight, cause I sort of hate them, haha.
For what it's worth, if I don't break it I'll still go to lunch with my friend, I'll just either only order a drink or I'll order some food but not eat it and just take it home.
JUUL Users?
/u/angeryveg
Created: Thu Oct 4 11:25:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ldyj8/juul_users/
---
Hey everyone!
I was just wondering about people’s experiences with JUULs and their EDS.
I used to smoke cigs to avoid eating and they were great at subsiding hunger. I switched to a JUUL 6 months ago though, because I honestly believe it’s less harmful. I also got tired of smelling like cigs and staining my teeth.
ANYWAYS I’ve found that JUULing doesn’t help with my appetite nearly as much. Actually, when I use the creme pods, I crave sweet foods a ton. I’ve exclusively used cool mint for this reason and I go through about a pod per day. I hate being a nicotine FIEND but what can you do?!?
What pods do you use? How does it help you?
I feel like I can't admit I have a problem until I'm skinny enough that I look like I have a problem
/u/RosenWeiss9 [5'3.5 | CW 112 | GW 104 | LW 107 | F26]
Created: Thu Oct 4 11:21:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ldx7o/i_feel_like_i_cant_admit_i_have_a_problem_until/
---
which is like not soon
Anybody else lazy af?
/u/thnwhtln
Created: Thu Oct 4 10:53:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ldo9d/anybody_else_lazy_af/
---
I feel this is another stereotype that is... less than accurate. People on treadmills for hours and hours a day. Not me. If I’m not at work my lazy ass is in my bed browsing Reddit or watching Netflix lol
[Help] DAE go back and forth 5 times a day about whether or not they want to get healthy/restrict 4ever
/u/gkelleyr
Created: Thu Oct 4 10:31:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ldh79/dae_go_back_and_forth_5_times_a_day_about_whether/
---
I'm 5'5 and wanted to lose a couple lbs, went low carb (cut out fruit and processed foods) and started IF (I saw someone on hear saying that IF folks are basically ED and I think that's what happened to me, it got to the point where I was like "the only people who understand me are the people on r/proed") -- I dropped to 108 from 117 in a month. That was lower than I wanted but then I really liked how I looked, chiseled face and abs for the first time ever, etc. I then picked up chewing and spitting, but other than that, was eating at maintenance every day and eating back my exercise cals (before then I was eating at a surplus and not tracking, so eating my TDEE was like actually restricting). I then developed an obsession with food where it's all I would think about, had my first binge(s), etc. and lost my period (which might be from low carb and not restriction?) Last month, I took a week off tracking, and the last three weeks off exercise (overused my knees doing HIIT everyday). It's been so hard to get back into it. Now i'm in this limbo where I want my abs back but I want to not be a frickin weirdo about food and be able to eat with people like a normal person who isn't stairing at their food the whole time instead of like a starving person. the last week i just ate whatever and am up 6 lbs - now 115. but its like my body won't let me restrict anymore - i kinda binged last night (but felt a little more in control) so was going to fast today (which before would have been easy) but instead I ate a pint of halo top cause my brain was like no bitch we decided we would have a healthy relationship with food. I only got two pictures of my abs when i had them and they're bad i'm like literally i may never have abs again so while i'm close to it, i should try to get back there, but now i'm so far away. I JUST CAN'T DECIDE AND NEED TO MAKE UP MY MIND BECAUSE IT'S SO MUCH BRAIN SPACE. idk i flaired this help cause tell me ur stories. I can't even tell what my body looks like any more, i just know that at 108 i would look in the mirror and actually want to take a selfie and feel hot for the first time in like idk years.
[Discussion] Question for my night shift people...
/u/moonchldx [5'1'' | 114.4 | 21.7 | -11lbs | F | ]
Created: Thu Oct 4 10:21:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lddwv/question_for_my_night_shift_people/
---
I just started a new job at night so my days are all messed up and I find myself eating without counting calories which is freaking me out!
I gained 2 lbs since I started so I’m totally stressing because I don’t want it to become a trend... I can’t get fat!
I just bought a ton of cute clothes that I’m hoping fit so gaining more weight isn’t an option!
I did start smoking weed again which from the first time I remember I lost a ton of weight so I’m hoping it happens again!
My question is... how do you avoid gaining weight while still trying to lose with all the weird hours?!
I truly don’t know what I’m going to do it’s only been a few shifts and I’m already stressing out !
Thanks!
xx
The calorie burning machine
/u/diaperedwoman
Created: Thu Oct 4 10:20:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lddgg/the_calorie_burning_machine/
---
Has anyone ever thought of this crazy idea where it would be nice to eat whatever you want and eat just for the taste and for joy and entertainment without worrying about how many calories you will consume?
So I thought of what if such invention was invented where you can put any food into the machine and it removes all the calories and we can eat it all we want.
My mom thought this would be a terrible thing to happen and I asked her why, she said "There is already people starving in the world and food shortage in parts of the world, we don't need to make it worse. Everyone would be over eating and it would make a food shortage happen here too."
So I guess that many people wish they can eat whatever they want eh without worrying about getting to 600 lbs or 300 lbs. If I could put this whole cake into the machine, I could eat as much of it as I want until my tummy feels uncomfortable.
does vaping suppress appetite??
/u/africanhamster
Created: Thu Oct 4 10:13:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ldb5t/does_vaping_suppress_appetite/
---
I usually use coffee or monster zero/rockstar zero, but ngl I feel the aspartame slowly eating at my brain. What are the health effects of a nicotine vape? does it suppress appetite like cigarettes?
[Help] What if you're not worthy of help
/u/InBetweenTheLies [5'8.5 | 125.2 | 18.49 | -11]
Created: Thu Oct 4 09:40:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ld04y/what_if_youre_not_worthy_of_help/
---
I have a psych intake on Friday. It's not specifically for eating/food stuff, it's for general mental health. I've been anxious all my life but in the last year I've gotten supremely overloaded by anxiety and it's turned into despair. Which looks like depression and suicidal ideation. There's a fair bit of trauma from sexual assault thrown in there.
*(Because that all sounds pretty serious I don't know if food stuff will even come up. I've told myself I won't lie if it does)*
But regardless of why I'm about to spend 90 minutes talking to a stranger who's supposed to decide if/how the clinic will help me, I don't feel worthy. I don't feel worthy of their time and their energy. I don't feel worth the work. I don't feel like I deserve assistance. I feel like I should just die because I'm no-good, too-stupid, worthless-ugly. I feel like a monster.
Do you ever feel unworthy of being helped? And what do I do if I am?
[Rant/Rave] Things you can say about your ED when you’re fat
/u/plaidbluejammies
Created: Thu Oct 4 09:36:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lcz1g/things_you_can_say_about_your_ed_when_youre_fat/
---
- Being very open about eating <500 calories a day or fasting for days on end. It’s congratulated, “good on ya for having such self control.”
- Confessing that I tell myself I’m fat and ugly to keep myself from eating. “Whatever works to keep you motivated.”
- Opening up about my burning desire to be underweight. “If that will make you happy, I’ll support it.”
- Talking about how much I hate myself and starving is a form of comfort and self destruction. “Maybe you’ll be happier once you get to your goal weight.”
- Talking about abusing ephedrine and having it taken as a joke.
Ugh I just want them to see how sick I am, I selfishly want someone to care enough to worry about me. But because I’m still obese, no one would take my ED seriously. I just want to get down to at least 110 at 5’6.5, maybe then they’ll see how much I’m struggling.
Halfway to my GW
/u/sagittorius
Created: Thu Oct 4 09:23:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lcuu3/halfway_to_my_gw/
---
I have finally lost a noticeable amount of weight!! About 10 pounds or so. I threw out my scale because I moved and the numbers were bumming me out, but all of my clothes are looser! I even buttoned, wore, and rocked a pair of jeans that previously didn’t fit 😍
Imma keep on track and lose another 10. I can’t wait to weigh 120 pounds. It’s so close I can taste it.
I can’t wait to wow everyone at thanksgiving. Also a bonus because my SIL is Ortho and I’m excited to bond with her over safe foods.
Almost broke my fast this morning
/u/Call_me_Cassius [5'5" | CW: too high | GW: too low | -45lb | M21]
Created: Thu Oct 4 09:22:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lcugi/almost_broke_my_fast_this_morning/
---
Last night I went to bed at 8pm cause I was so hungry, and I just laid in bed for hours dreaming of waking up and breaking my fast with peanuts. This morning I got up and, while not hungry, I was cold and sort of dissociated, and had resolved to break my fast even though I'd gotten through the worst part (day 3, for me.)
And then I stepped on the scale. I had expected to lose .5lb overnight. I had hoped to lose 1lb. I had actually lost 1.1lb. The euphoria from that extra .1lb above even my ideal weigh in was just exceptional.
Fuck you, warmth and concentration and feeling physically present on this earth! Day four here I come!
What's a normal resting heart rate?
/u/iamsplendid
Created: Thu Oct 4 09:17:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lct17/whats_a_normal_resting_heart_rate/
---
I just had a physical, and they measured my resting heart rate at 46. The nurse told me that if it had been 45, it would be concerning to the point that she would have called a doctor. Mine has never been that low before-- usually it's in the 60s/70s. Is this normal when you've been restricting a lot?
It feels like a switch was flipped in my brain
/u/00110100-00110010 [5'4'' | CW 121 | GW 108 | 21.1 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 4 09:08:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lcq1o/it_feels_like_a_switch_was_flipped_in_my_brain/
---
Hello everyone, it's 00110100-00110010, I was somewhat active on here back in 2015-2016 (my, how the sub has grown since then!) and have been semi-lurking ever since.
The stress I'm experiencing in my second year of uni is comparable to when I started commenting on here in high school. I'm not a straight-A student anymore (thank *fuck*) and feel better at coping overall, but being this busy has completely wrecked my desire to eat.
So, anyway, hello again, it's good to see new faces and some old ones too.
[Rant/Rave] fasting for days/weeks/months to lose weight isn’t considered disordered
/u/twa1238 [F25| 158cm | CW 🐄 |]
Created: Thu Oct 4 08:57:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lcmi0/fasting_for_daysweeksmonths_to_lose_weight_isnt/
---
but low restricting is?? what? why is it okay when people say they won’t eat for WEEKS and people brag about not having eaten for MONTHS(???????) and post progress pics and everyone is so impressed and asks them for tips or when “small women” high restrict on a daily basis because their tdee is soooo different and they don’t nEeD more than 1000 calories thank you very much
but when I accidentally comment on anything on a diet/weight loss sub with this account someone will go trough my entire post history and point out to everyone that my opinions don’t count because I have an ED
even though I probably eat more than them (sadly) and my rules are not as strict as theirs
Anyone else feel more awake after taking biotin?
/u/halfcigarette [5'4"| CW: 👻 | BMI:20ish | 23F]
Created: Thu Oct 4 08:53:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lclcp/anyone_else_feel_more_awake_after_taking_biotin/
---
Defs not complaining lol- just wondering if y’all have ever felt this, too
[Other] coworker spotted my monster zero in the office fridge 👀
/u/Catii24 [5'4" | CW: 128.0 | GW: 108 | Female]
Created: Thu Oct 4 07:55:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lc3wm/coworker_spotted_my_monster_zero_in_the_office/
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she was like “omg that much caffeine is so bad for you, why do you even need that much energy? Don’t you get heart palpitations?”
inside I’m like “well I haven’t eaten anything for days so it’s the only thing keeping me going + constantly restricting or purging means my heart is fuuucked anyway”
but obviously I just said “I like the taste 😇”
I'm making a playlist of songs with eating disorder references or vibes. Please help!
/u/Ep1cDuCK [5'7.5" | CW: 105 lbs | BMI 16.2 | ]
Created: Thu Oct 4 07:46:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lc16y/im_making_a_playlist_of_songs_with_eating/
---
Hey guys. I'm trying make a spotify playlist of eating disorder bops. There are so many depression song playlists, we should get in on it!
So far I have:
​
\*Stay High by Tov Lo
\*\*Added because of the line "I come home I got the munchies, binge on all the twinkies, throw up in the tub then I go to sleep
​
\*Teen Idol by Marina and the Diamonds
\*\*Added because of the line " I want blood, guts, and angel cake, I'm gonna puke it anyway"
​
Do you guys have anymore?? I'll post the link to the playlist once I'm back at my PC!
[Discussion] Is fasting worth it?
/u/citrus_juuiice
Created: Thu Oct 4 07:30:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lbwm0/is_fasting_worth_it/
---
Like do you really lose weight or does it just trigger a binge? I’m starting day two of my water fast and I’m down 2 pounds.
Has anyone ever taken clonazepem/klonopin for anxiety? Did it affect your appetite at all?
/u/dxylightt [5’2 | 119 | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 4 07:23:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lbuls/has_anyone_ever_taken_clonazepemklonopin_for/
---
I recently switched from Wellbutrin to Prozac and it’s helped a lot with my binge urges (surprisingly, seeing how Wellbutrin is known to be an appetite suppressant). I still do feel on edge and anxious a lot of the times though, and I’m wondering whether klonopin would be worth going on since members of my family are on it and they think it’s helpful. I’m just worried that it’s going to lead to an increased appetite or make me have binge urges, which is something I don’t want.
Can anyone share their experiences with it, and whether you found the medication worth it?
I finally got my period again!!!
/u/carrotlime
Created: Thu Oct 4 07:08:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lbqj1/i_finally_got_my_period_again/
---
I thought I was pregnant, turns out I just don't eat whoops
[Other] Anti Binge Material
/u/SensiblePizza
Created: Thu Oct 4 07:07:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lbq4d/anti_binge_material/
---
Sorry if this looks weird I'm on mobile.
So I was doing really well for well over a year, from 12st 7lb to 8st 8lb and all was beautiful and I was hungry but I loved it.
Now, I can't stand being hungry. Even feeling slightly hungry is equated with feeling really unwell so I end up eating loads and loads and loads. For the past 6 weeks I've not restricted a single day and then last week I went on holiday to Romania and ate like a complete lunatic.
So, my bf filmed me eating and this is the best anti binge material I've ever had. I look like a freaking whale.
https://imgur.com/a/7Ki2gwb
Shortly after this j think I nearly died because orlistat and THAT much fat just ruined me. So there we are.
[Tip] Reverse Thinspsiration - "Thinner" by Steven King
/u/c_marier [5'6" | 109.6 | 17.76 | 24F]
Created: Thu Oct 4 07:05:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lbpp5/reverse_thinspsiration_thinner_by_steven_king/
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Anyone read this? I just started it and the premise is this overweight, middle-aged guy suddenly becomes cursed to lose weight, no matter how much he eats. The description of his mindless, constant eating grosses me out to the max and the description of his former habits of constant on/off diets, cheating on diets, gaining more and more weight, always being in denial etc speaks to me on such a level that I literally felt sick. I imagine it will stop being reverse thinspo at some point and instead become thinspo as inevitably this guy becomes "disgustingly" thin. So far, I can hardly continue reading and also hardly tear my eyes away. I know people are often asking for book recommendation about eating disorders and the same titles come up again and again, so I thought I'd put something fresh out there in case anyone is looking for a read!
[Rant/Rave] Relapse
/u/aha98 [160cm CW: 132.6lbs LW: ~115lbs GW: 105lbs F]
Created: Thu Oct 4 06:49:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lbl97/relapse/
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I hadn’t purged since may and today I fucked up and b/p a family pack of chocolate popcorn, a tub of vegan yogurt, (Popcorn instead of cereal on yogurt = heaven) one of those uncles Ben microwave rice bags (raw) with a whole pack of ham slices, pringles, ready to eat chicken breast, and a chicken salad sandwich that I had completely forgotten about until I saw the lettuce and tomatoes coming up. Like most of the food wasn’t even that good!
Today I missed I lecture just to b/p and I hate myself. I’m fucking disgusting.
I kept telling myself that I had everything under control but now that I’m living alone again I seem to be spiralling down worse than ever before and I AM AFRAID.
[Help] I fasted for a day and only lost 1 pound
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 |CW 118 | GW 115 | GW 105-110 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 4 06:40:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lbiuy/i_fasted_for_a_day_and_only_lost_1_pound/
---
I’m salty, how can that be. I guess I need to keep fasting. But why is this happening. Not even water weight was lost.
[Rant/Rave] why did i just compare a picture of me when i was bigger to now when i’m thin and think that i looked better before
/u/seeyasis
Created: Thu Oct 4 06:31:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lbgij/why_did_i_just_compare_a_picture_of_me_when_i_was/
---
excuse me but what the fuck
[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support October 04, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Oct 4 06:11:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lbbeo/weekly_emotional_support_october_04_2018/
---
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.
Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.
**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**
*****
Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! October 04, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Oct 4 06:09:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lbayh/daily_food_diary_october_04_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for October 04, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
Anorexia is the 'cure' to my anorexia-induced depression
/u/usernameblahhhhh [5 ft | 14.3]
Created: Thu Oct 4 05:56:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lb7op/anorexia_is_the_cure_to_my_anorexiainduced/
---
I'm depressed because my weight has completely screwed up my hormonal balance and the function of my neurotransmitters. But the food and exercise routines associated with my ED are the
only things that make me feel good about myself every day, and are also the only things that keep a regular structure in my life so as to keep my depression from impairing everyday function.
These same routines are also what keep me so depressed in the
first place.
Idiot, idiot. Delusional idiot...!
Well... it's just one of those days.
[Rant/Rave] Airing some frustrations
/u/dostoyefski [5'5" | CW:128 | GW:110 ]
Created: Thu Oct 4 05:44:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lb4s0/airing_some_frustrations/
---
None of my clothes fit and I know the obvious solution is to buy bigger clothes but that would feel like such a defeat
I’m just feeling fed up and frustrated!!!!! I’m sick of people saying “you look fine”. I know they are just trying to be helpful but I didn’t bring it up for validation :( sometimes I just need to vent
Right now I am living that scene in mean girls where Regina George is wearing sweatpants and she says “they’re all that fit me right now” like bitch! That! Is! Me!
[Goal] What do you want to do once you reach your goal weight?
/u/HonestRaspberry
Created: Thu Oct 4 05:43:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lb4jt/what_do_you_want_to_do_once_you_reach_your_goal/
---
I want to wear cute and pretty clothes and eat ice cream!
Expired??
/u/BigFrameSkinnyAddict
Created: Thu Oct 4 05:32:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lb1y4/expired/
---
So I have these Gardein Porkless bites and I havent tried them yet so I decided to have them for my only meal (dinner ha) but upon looking at the expiration date... Its a month over expired yikes, I havent opened the bag yet. Idk what should I do? Play it safe and trash it or risk food poisoning... Cause I'm cool with ethier 😂
I've gotten to the point that I can't give myself permission to really eat (≥1000) until I'm starting to feel faint upon standing.
/u/xerox13ster [5'7" | 243.6 | Goal: 225 | 36.6 | -81 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 4 05:07:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9law96/ive_gotten_to_the_point_that_i_cant_give_myself/
---
I've been eating less than 1000 (really no more than 4-600) for about a month and a half now, and I realized I only have "re-feed days" when I start getting woozy every time I stand up, bend over, or turn around quickly.
It doesn't feel like I've earned the right to eat until I get to that point, and even then it's difficult to justify eating anywhere close to maintenance. I feel like if I hit 1000 or 1200 I'll lose control and ruin all my progress, so I have to force myself to eat to that point and it always feels like a binge.
Yesterday was one of those days. All day long I was having to hold on to something for 10-30 secs whenever I stood up or bent over, so I told myself it was OK to get a mission burrito from my favorite place, but before I could earn it, I walked to the guitar store to check out basses and the library to pick up some books. By the time I got home with my burrito, I'd walked 11mi, kind of defeating the purpose of eating enough calories to re-feed.
I've always felt like a wannarexic because I always wanted to be skinny like "those girls" and I've been trying to get to this point since way back when I first starting inching into the 200s back in college. I would always fail and go back to eating whatever whenever, binging at basically any opportunity because my ex would either make a big meal, we'd eat out, or eat fast food. Now I'm single, live alone, and I'm back on my adhd meds and idk.
I've been justifying the restriction by telling myself I can stop when I hit UGW, but if I can't even eat when I'm at risk of fainting, I don't know if I can trust myself to know when to stop now.
Started a new position at work- the new dept does nothing but eat
/u/DasLetzteMadchen
Created: Thu Oct 4 04:26:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9landg/started_a_new_position_at_work_the_new_dept_does/
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They literally celebrate everything and use any occasion as an excuse to bring food and eat. Not dogging on them, it’s their love language, but I’m trying to be ana over here.
What super restrictive diet can I be on that will give me a really good excuse to not partake in the festivities?Having one bite is enough to spiral me into binge eating...
Was doing so well...
/u/cancookaroast [179cm | CW: 80kg | BMI: 24.9 | WL: 17kg | 22F]
Created: Thu Oct 4 04:18:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lallv/was_doing_so_well/
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Until I ate 3 croissants and had 520 calories. Now all I want to do is eat chocolate and chips and everything else in my house.
It's like I'm totally fine if I don't eat, but as soon as I start eating I can't stop.
No wonder I gained 2.3kg this weekend
[Discussion] snap support?
/u/wildcardwonder
Created: Thu Oct 4 03:56:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lah5v/snap_support/
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so yesterday I saw this post on here where someone suggesting exchanging snapchats and sharing the struggles normal people wouldn’t understand & in a way we can all laugh about it together, food ideas, etc. would anyone be interested? I just thought it seemed kinda cool.
[Tip] Appetite Suppressant
/u/Koko1318
Created: Thu Oct 4 03:44:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9laf0h/appetite_suppressant/
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Hello!
I’ve been pretty dependent on taking Sudafed as an appetite suppressant for well over a year now. I know it’s horrible for me, but honestly at this point it’s one of the less harmful things I do to my body.
Anyways lately I’ve been getting nauseous from it. Does anyone use something different? I just want to feel some what normal again, but I know I can’t give it up.
[Rant/Rave] Public pukefest and other epiphanies
/u/kimberlyjackson98 [5'4 | CW 206.4 lbs | HW 233.9 | 36.12 | GW 195 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 4 03:35:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lad8w/public_pukefest_and_other_epiphanies/
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I had the strangest day. Like others in this sub I not only suffer from my ED but that of chronic depression and anxiety. My life has been increasingly stressful lately. But the positive note is I am down 28.7lbs since June!! Anyways back to my story my life is stressful and while I had rent stress I met up with a girlfriend to complain about everything. I poured my heart out. I’ve never opened up with anyone like that to have been so candid and real in my friendship and to breakdown the nitty gritty of how my life is a mess.
Well in the middle of this heart to heart I forgotten I had ingested whole buttermilk earlier in the day, my mom took me with her grocery shopping and she insisted I “had my childhood favorite” ( yeah no wonder you raised me as a fat piece of lard) . Now I’m on a keto diet and do IF like others... when I tell you I physically got so choked up and emotional I vomited. I’ve never had that happen due to anxiety before. I’ve wretched but never full on puke in front of someone else due to emotional turmoil.
I didn’t let this just come spewing out either. I swallowed this bile like 4 times. It came all up into my mouth and I swallowed like a good girl. Ugh. So embarrassing. in the end I could not win and my stomach wanted all contents to be purged. It was physically cathartic in a sense and I was great I got that 3 large gulps of buttermilk acid smoothie out of me. No more dairy. I cannot keep damaging my body with it. And I think this whole incident is just validating as well to the greater lifestyle changes I’ll have to make.
Please if any of you can relinquish me from my embarrassing puke story feel free to comment 😭😭
P.s this all happened in the back parking lot of a grocery store right before we were about to eat sushi 🙃
[Rant/Rave] Update to chef who told me I should take my break
/u/Doctordoomduck
Created: Thu Oct 4 03:32:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9lacqr/update_to_chef_who_told_me_i_should_take_my_break/
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So a while ago I talked about how I take phone orders for a restaurant on graveyard, but the head chef was annoyed I would ask him for food an in opportune times and requested I take a break.
Well, we’re short staffed tonight so I literally can’t. He came up to me and asked what I wanted him to cook and felt strangely proud for being able to say, “no thanks, I’m good. Thanks for the offer.”
I refused food! Told him I didn’t need it! Feeling so happy to somehow show him I’m not weak!
[Goal] 10lbs in 10 days
/u/watchmedisapr
Created: Thu Oct 4 03:25:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9labcx/10lbs_in_10_days/
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I've had success in the past with three weightloss programs: extreme back surgery (no thank you, sir) keto and jackie warner's [10lbs in 10 days](https://www.amazon.com/10-Pounds-Days-Celebrity-Program/dp/1455507423/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1538645011&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=jackie+warner+10+pounds+in+10+days&dpPl=1&dpID=51WbFVgPSwL&ref=plSrch) workbook. I'm going to fall back on jackie to transition into tracking food and exercise again. I tend to go 300% at new goals and then burn out quickly so hopefully this will help me sustain and track in a way that encourages others and myself. If you want to participate too, jump in! I can put up screenshots of diet and workout plans.
I will use this thread to post daily for accountability and will upload screen shots of my tracking journal.
[Rant/Rave] My MIL said she was cold the other day
/u/monstersona
Created: Thu Oct 4 03:21:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9laar9/my_mil_said_she_was_cold_the_other_day/
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So Ive been restricting for something like 5-6 months and have lost 60 pounds. Its...noticeable. people talk about it. My boyfriend's family is constantly worrying about my weight, everyone knows. I try to ignore it. But its hard.
My boyfriends mother has always been obsessed with her looks. She controls her husband's eating habits and she controlled my boyfriends when he was a kid, resulting in both of them developing BED (p sure my bf is recovered, but my FIL still binges behind her back.) Well, a couple months ago when i was at about 40 pounds lost, his parents started saying stuff about my weight. His mum said something like "and [FIL] pointed it out the other day, but ive noticed. You lost q lot of weight." After she said that she started obsessively losing pounds. They were already trying something similar to keto, and she was telling me about her weight and her size.
my bf says everything is a competition to her, and that shes always had an unhealthy relationship with food. ive heard his father scolding her for how little she eats. yesterday when they left the house for work (my bf and his mother work at the same place) she said it was cold, "because of the wind." There was no wind. My boyfriend knows all too well that im ana, and that because Im ana Im constantly freezing. Weve talked about it. He texted me as soon as she said it and je felt so numb.
Part of me is terribly miserable over the fact that my eating disorder triggered hers even worse. It makes me feel sick to my stomach and I blame myself. another part of me is super frustrated because i want to lose more than her because i cant stand being bigger than anyone in this house, and right now im pretty sure im smaller than her. I know its toxic thinking but my mind can't rationalize it any other way.
has anyone else ever had someone see losing weight as a competition? how did you handle it?
[Intro] Hi y'all
/u/watchmedisapr
Created: Thu Oct 4 02:44:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9la473/hi_yall/
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I've been here awhile now but I've decided to move my ed related stuff to a dedicated profile. I'm not allowing to be secretive, just orderly. (TW, will list weights at the very end)
It's only the 3rd and I'm failing no binge october miserably. Although I'm not at my hw, I'm creeping back up there and I'm tired of this shit. Ultimately though, of all the reasons I could think of to get back to gw and push for ugw... the loudest reason in my head is that I think my ex husband is moving back to the area with his new wife and their kid. I don't want him back. He was a fuckwit who cheated several times and never could be an adult about the consequences of his decisions.... BUT the feeling of causally jogging past his house looking amazing, or bumping into him and his blimp of a wife while looking fabulous... that would taste so much better than any flavor of ben & jerry's.
I know, I'm petty. But I really want to get back to gw and have him choke on it would just be an added bonus. Anyone relate?
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Height 5'9"
CW 200lbs
GW 150
UGW 140
[Discussion] Does anyone else have rewards?
/u/milovsflo
Created: Thu Oct 4 02:28:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9la1c2/does_anyone_else_have_rewards/
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I’m thinking I’ll go blonde when I reach 55 kg, I can have my favorite pizza when I’m 53 kg etc.
Does anyone else do this?
Posted in r/beetlejuicing but thought it was here at first. Dreams in potato.
/u/Zombeedee [5'9 | shameful | -28 | female]
Created: Thu Oct 4 02:22:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9la0am/posted_in_rbeetlejuicing_but_thought_it_was_here/
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https://i.redd.it/oevcv2h5p4q11.jpg
[Other] Hello again, I'm back
/u/jackolantern_hat [5'9.5" | CW:149 | BMI: 21.22 | 21F]
Created: Thu Oct 4 01:29:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l9qz5/hello_again_im_back/
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Welp, after doing so well and not being on this sub I went into a binge cycle of 2 weeks with the excuse of it being my birthday. Idk if I gained weight or just water weight (refuse to weigh myself yet), I feel like garbage and purged a bit ago.
So here's to a fresh start of improved restriction! I'm hopefully starting a new *professional* job soon that uses a lot of mental concentration and math, so cheers to being too distracted to eat!
[Rant/Rave] TIFU by binging
/u/atticusflynch
Created: Thu Oct 4 01:19:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l9p4j/tifu_by_binging/
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My boyfriend and I were laying in my bed watching Netflix, nothing out of the ordinary. I was pinching my stomach fat and zoning out as I usually do when watching TV. My boyfriend turns to me and says “babe... I’m getting fat.” You? Fat? This man is a god and he thinks he’s fat? How does he see me? I’m literally flaming garbage in a sausage casing. I was suddenly aware of the armpit fat hanging over my tank top.
The movie ends and it’s time for him to go home. I drove him home and everything was fine. We said our goodbyes, kissed, and I waited until he closed the gate to drive off.
On the route home there are approximately 2 Taco Bell’s and a Del Taco which I can normally drive past no problem. Tonight though, on a night I am feeling especially disgusted with myself, is not a night I can resist. $35 at the first Taco Bell I passed and I’m on my way home.
I got home and laid my splendor out on the bed on a towel. I stood there looking at this dollar menu feast in all its splendor with my little voice saying “you can still stop, you can still throw it all away.” I didn’t though, of course I didn’t. The first bite was in slow motion, I knew that something was wrong but I just couldn’t stop it. What was in this burrito? Oh no... that wasn’t the burrito... I bit directly down onto my tongue ring and broke my fucking tooth. So now I’m laying here ridiculously bloated in a bed of wrappers with half of my molar missing. If only I had some self control 😂
What’s the most you’ve ever lost in a month?
/u/Ewimfat
Created: Thu Oct 4 01:09:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l9n9t/whats_the_most_youve_ever_lost_in_a_month/
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Mine is probably when I went from 130-110 in 3 weeks. (I don’t even know how...) but that was in 2016 and my lowest weight then was 80lbs at the beginning of January 2017 but then I went up to 180lbs in may 2018 and now I’m down to 130lbs again so I’ve still got a long way to go.
[Help] i both hate it and love it that boys help me to lose weight
/u/kittenbun [5'9 | GW 140 | F]
Created: Thu Oct 4 00:58:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l9l4f/i_both_hate_it_and_love_it_that_boys_help_me_to/
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if i have a guy in my life, it's like i've been filled up with that super unleaded, premium petrol, instead of the bog standard stuff i usually fill up my actual car with.
suddenly i have a new, burning energy - it's for *him*, it's so he will think i'm even more beautiful, it's so he'll be impressed and amazed that i can be so disciplined and lovely and perfect for him.
but this time is different. it's not just one boy, it's two. one is a friend and one is something more. and they both *hate* thicc girls and *adore* skinny girls. and i feel this immense competitiveness. i want to be thinner than all the girls they've been with. i want to be the *best*. i want to have the most remarkable figure, one that makes them think "oh, my ex actually wasn't that thin compared to her".
it's a double whammy this time.
but i hate it too. because even though it's helping me, it's so fucking twisted that here are these two real life, flesh and blood guys, thoroughly perpetuating the stereotype that skinny = beautiful and guys don't like girls that are heavyset or carrying extra pounds. and that hurts me a whole lot.
idk, i'm just thinking out loud at this point in time.
one of the nicest feelings is being worried about. my friend is more conscious of my ED and always tries to help me eat something of substance, even though i know he secretly loves that i'm frail, delicate, dainty, and getting more so by the day.
his comfort, care, worry, and the knowledge i have of him loving and being with tiny girls, is the most intense appetite suppressant. i've lost 5lb in the past week from just hardly eating, and even though i'm worried about my body too, i just can't stop or snap out of it.
[Discussion] Has anyone else never been diagnosed?
/u/Snowbae
Created: Thu Oct 4 00:29:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l9fox/has_anyone_else_never_been_diagnosed/
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I know for a fact I have an eating disorder because of the 2+ years of pretty constant binging an purging (with interspersed restrictive cycles in there), but I’ve never seen a doctor for this. I told the dentist once but it wasn’t ever followed up. Sometimes this makes me feel like a fake - a really close friend of mine told me I shouldn’t self diagnose because I’m not a doctor, but I’m pretty sure making myself throw up multiple times a day classes me as bulimic or at bare minimum EDNOS.
Kinda really want to get help, kinda happy to keep my head in the sand and pretend everything is completely fine, kinda don’t even know where I’d start
Does anyone else relate?
I’ve been reading my analog scale wrong
/u/TotallyNotARadar [6'1" | CW: 113 | BMI: 14.23 | F (MtF, Pre-HRT)]
Created: Thu Oct 4 00:19:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l9dkw/ive_been_reading_my_analog_scale_wrong/
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So I have this shitty spring based analog scale. I thought it was super inaccurate compared to my digital one because I thought it was both off by ten pounds and only have increments of 20.
The thing is, whenever I mass myself I take off all my clothes, including my glasses. I figured I could see alright but it turns out I was dead wrong. I thought the scale was reading me at a bit under 120 (while my other digital scale gave me at 113). As it turns out, I couldn’t see that the numbers on the dial corresponded to the long lines (120 in this case) and that the slightly smaller lines were implied to be 110 and so on.
So hurray, according to this scale I’m actually a tiny bit under 110! I know this scale is pretty inaccurate but still nice to see the number
[Rant/Rave] I’m crying watching my 600 pound life.
/u/carbslut
Created: Thu Oct 4 00:16:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l9czu/im_crying_watching_my_600_pound_life/
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I love/hate the show. That Dr Nowzaradan is such an a-hole. He just was screaming at this woman (Lisa) for being manipulative and threatening suicide. She didn’t even really threaten suicide. He was yelling at her for not losing enough weight and she just said everything was too difficult and she didn’t want to deal any of it anymore. (Is there anyone who can’t relate to those feelings??) He had her examined by a psychiatrist who determined she wasn’t suicidal, so he basically said “I told you so. I’m done with you” and sent her home.
Flash to when she’s home, and Lisa happily greets her grandkids but then has a conversation with her daughter about how she has given up.
And then the show ended with an “In Memory of Lisa 19??-2018.”
Eating yourself to death not suicide enough apparently.
FUCK YOU DR. NOW.
[Rant/Rave] I look bigger
/u/im_a_bullfrog
Created: Wed Oct 3 23:58:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l99ah/i_look_bigger/
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So my roomie's relative told her that I "look so much better with that weight on." She saw me twice in the last month.
​
I had gained weight, obviously, but have been working on losing it. I thought I was doing good getting back to normal. But apparently I gained so much that it was super obvious.
Unhappy birthday to me
/u/pinkribbon007
Created: Wed Oct 3 23:55:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l98q2/unhappy_birthday_to_me/
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Today is my birthday.. my boyfriend and his family have baked me chocolate coconut balls, creme brulee, blueberry and raspberry cake... FUCK FUCK FUCK I can't say no because they went to so much effort fuccccccck
:( Sometimes I feel like my BDD isn’t real
/u/shoeflygabs
Created: Wed Oct 3 23:50:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l97ui/sometimes_i_feel_like_my_bdd_isnt_real/
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because I might actually be fat.
I think it’s because I was a skinny kid, so being average weight now, my relatives have commented “wow you’ve gotten curvier” or “have you gained weight?”
I feel so destroyed whenever I look at the mirror
Feeling full
/u/minicemilo
Created: Wed Oct 3 23:45:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l96qs/feeling_full/
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Do you guys feel like shit when you are full or am i alone?🙃
[Discussion] Detoxes or cleanses anyone?
/u/mmblarg
Created: Wed Oct 3 23:00:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l8wpc/detoxes_or_cleanses_anyone/
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Any one here love a certain detox that they’d recommend?
I’ve never really given them much thought, but I just read an article about harder heavier toxins being stored in fat which makes it harder to lose, and I was like “whoa there, unscientific article! You are totally speaking to my need to drink all my problems away! I’m sold!”
It mentioned something called Ketosis that you do while fasting? Anyone have input on this?
fuck bread
/u/winterfoxes_
Created: Wed Oct 3 22:52:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l8uxy/fuck_bread/
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Why is it so fucking hard to purge bread?!
i gave in and ordered food and now i can’t get it out. it’s 9pm and this is the first time i’ve eaten anything today. still i’m upset. also, fuck elusive men who are so quickly dispose of you, #drunkenrant
[Rant/Rave] YIKES
/u/asiaticlily [5’10 | 134.4 | 19 | -47 lbs | F22]
Created: Wed Oct 3 22:50:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l8ujy/yikes/
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I just binged on spaghetti marinara at 12:45 in the morning because I’m a literal fucking moron. I hate when I’m PMSing and I can’t help but eat everything in sight. FUCK YOU HORMONES. I literally was at like 1,200 cals for the day plus a workout and I was already unhappy with that...then I had to go fuck it up by eating probably 500 cals of worthless carbs. Why. Why. Why. FUCK. My period is the ONLY time I can’t restrict. I never go over my calorie goal that I set for myself each day unless it’s because of PMS and it has me so salty right now. Being a chick sucks. Being a chick with an ED sucks even MORE. rant over.
STUPID PIECE OF SHIT
/u/scartttaaa
Created: Wed Oct 3 22:38:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l8rum/stupid_piece_of_shit/
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I'm about to binge because I am a stupid stupid fat piece of shit who deserves this ugly fat body to reflect my ugly fat insides. Today I feel like that episode of bojack horseman where we hear his inner monologue. The voices in my head have been telling me all day that I am this worthless fat disgusting creature, so I might as well make them right. Here's to gaining 50 more pounds you stupid fat disgusting low life.
Foods You Don't Count?
/u/hammerprice [5'11" | obese | -22lb | 27F | vegan | inbox always open to talk!]
Created: Wed Oct 3 22:37:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l8rp9/foods_you_dont_count/
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I know a lot of people don't count herbs/spices/some sauces because they're so low and you use them in such small amounts. But are there other foods that you let yourself snack on without really counting?
For me, it's pickles, kimchi if it's just a snack and not part of a meal, sriracha which I know has calories but whatever, and whether I log black coffee is 50/50, usually because I want to track how many cups I had and not the calories.
I think the highest cal food I don't count would be Halo Top which sounds like a meme lmao. Sometimes I do, but I don't make myself, because it helps me avoid a binge on more calorific foods. Like, if I started tracking my Halo Top calories, I think I would freak out about it and not feel comfortable eating it which might trigger me to binge on something else that would ultimately be worse for me. So I let myself just eat it whenever I want because I know that even if I ate a whole pint I'd probably still come under for the day, so my spoonfuls are going to be negligible in the long run.
It's weird because a lot of things I do count are consistently lower than these lol.
Any foods you let yourself eat without counting? Is it helpful for you overall or do you think it makes things harder?
[Other] Super late Inktober Day 1 (Poison) (sorry for quality)
/u/sunaflare
Created: Wed Oct 3 22:13:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l8m8y/super_late_inktober_day_1_poison_sorry_for_quality/
---
https://i.redd.it/zq3wqazog3q11.jpg
[Discussion] DAE live with someone or has lived with someone who enables them to binge?
/u/cobra_movement [5'6" | 160 | 26.5 | -4 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 3 22:07:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l8kqj/dae_live_with_someone_or_has_lived_with_someone/
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I live with my boyfriend currently and he knows I am trying to lose weight but he insists on buying trigger foods despite knowing one of the features of my EDNOS diagnosis is binging. Not only that but he leaves them out where I can see them, eats them in front of me and even offers them to me. It's driving me absolutely nuts. We got into an argument tonight because I'd had enough and asked him to at the very least not to leave them out where I can see them/not eat them in front of me and he basically unwilling to compromise because he feels he should be able to do whatever he wants whenever he wants. Has anyone else been in or are currently in a living situation like this?
[Rant/Rave] Going on vacation, hate this ED
/u/stalin-the-stripper [5’6” | 135lbs | 21.5 | 37lbs | F]
Created: Wed Oct 3 21:46:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l8fm8/going_on_vacation_hate_this_ed/
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I hate this stupid ass ED because I spend all of my time losing weight for an event just to be scared that I’m going to eat at it? What kind of plan is that lol? I’ve been restricting for this vacation for a few months, pretty hard the past couple weeks, and I’m just realizing that all my friends want to do is tour bakeries and bars😩I’m scared of gaining weight after all of this work, fuck lol
So I just found out that the Metamucil I've been taking is 50% SUGAR. WHY???
/u/balisunrise
Created: Wed Oct 3 21:34:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l8cpu/so_i_just_found_out_that_the_metamucil_ive_been/
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Why do they have to add sugar? I've been taking it all this time, I just wanna poop regularly not eat a spoonful of sugar every day.
[Other] Shut up science.
/u/KMH039
Created: Wed Oct 3 21:22:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l89zn/shut_up_science/
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https://www.cnbc.com/2018/10/03/artificial-sweeteners-are-toxic-to-digestive-gut-bacteria-study.html
[Rant/Rave] Replacing one problem with another
/u/uiume
Created: Wed Oct 3 21:19:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l8989/replacing_one_problem_with_another/
---
That's essentially what I'm doing. My idea of self care is restricting because I dont binge, purge, and I lose weight. I'm in control and it's great. The original problem of depression doesn't go away, it never will, but restricting and obsessing over losing weight is the only thing I can do to stifle my depression to the best of my ability. It makes me happy. Genuinely happy.
I keep myself distracted from my own emptiness and focus on staying as mentally busy as possible until I can sleep at night. This ups my productivity and I actually start studying for my classes, I don't procrastinate. When I feel a tinge of sadness that begins to linger, I watch television, study, scroll through this subreddit, calculate my BMI, log my food for the day, body check and compare to older pictures of myself, etc. I don't allow myself to feel sad. I can't, because sadness is so much more than that and I need to stay alive or at least try. I've been so so depressed this year and the last and the downs are more down than ever.
I don't know what the point of saying all of this is, really. I think I'm just reiterating to myself that there IS a point to what I'm doing to my body, and at the end of the day it's more than the simple vanity-related reasons (though they do exist, too.) So I'll keep going, I'll keep being happy, this is it.
I can't tell if I'm being honest or if I'm just really trying to delude myself, and I don't know which is worse.
its been 3 years and ive never loss more then 6 lbs
/u/med_z [5'2ft | cw:115lbs|gw:84lbs|nb lesbian]
Created: Wed Oct 3 21:15:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l8882/its_been_3_years_and_ive_never_loss_more_then_6/
---
I started purging when I was 12 during the time my depression started and since then its been off and on again every other month with me hating my weight trying to restrict yet eating normal/bingeing anyways then purging. Recently I spent the week of my birthday in the hospital for a suicide attempt and a patient their had a dianogse ed and the staff watched her food intake. She lefted a few days earlier then me but while was there its was so nerve wracking to eat knowing she had special food and barely ate it, she was bigger then me yet I felt fatter then her the whole time. What really got to me was how i heard her say she got there bc she lossed 15lbs where as I can barely lose one bc I cant control myself. I felt like i had to be in compete with her and there was a girl younger then me who had to be watched by staff everywhere she went and that set me off. I only cried once the entire time i was there bc I was envious of the two patients I mentioned and I felt like I wasnt sick enough especialy in the ed aspect. Now Im out of the hospital and I can tell Im way heavier then I was in the summer my clothes fit me tighter and I cant weigh myself bc the only scale in my house is broke. I cant stop eating anything i see i front of my face and at this rate I'll never be underweight, I feel like trying to off myself again.
[Discussion] If you could pick something to be calorie free, what would it be?
/u/rougoku [5'7" | CW: 136 & BMI: 21 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 3 21:15:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l886v/if_you_could_pick_something_to_be_calorie_free/
---
For me, it would be Stauffer’s whale crackers and alcohol.
Gastritis/Stomach Irritation from restricting?
/u/w_e_i_r_o [5'3'' | CW 143 | SW 148 | GW 104| LW 93]
Created: Wed Oct 3 20:59:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l83x3/gastritisstomach_irritation_from_restricting/
---
Am I the only one? I've had this problem since I was 13 (which is when I used to fast for days) and basically I feel like an ED faker because I can't fast or skip meals for even a month anymore without overwhelming nausea and stomach pain (I'm deathly afraid to vomit which makes it joyful).
I don't drink, it's not from NSAIDs, and I don't eat anything incredibly spicy to avoid it.
Is this just a me thing or is this something that happens with a restrictive ED? Any lower-calorie snacks that will help calm a sour stomach?
[Other] finally got this TAZO tea that i have been seeing on this sub a lot!!!
/u/crossdressingcarp [5’10 | 20 | f | cw: 🐘 | 🍑🌱🐻]
Created: Wed Oct 3 20:40:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l7yz2/finally_got_this_tazo_tea_that_i_have_been_seeing/
---
https://i.redd.it/6p3pg20403q11.jpg
Anyone else been called selfish?
/u/applesauceistheenemy [5’10.5” | 140 | 19.5 | -70 lb | female]
Created: Wed Oct 3 20:29:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l7w5p/anyone_else_been_called_selfish/
---
This happened a couple months ago, but I confessed to my girlfriend/fiancée that I was having trouble being motivated to eat because I wanted to be thinner. I mistakenly thought she’d understand, since she’s struggled with bulimia, but no. Her response was “that so selfish, you should be thinking of the family instead” (it’s not just us; we’re poly with our boyfriend and have a baby). Obviously, this did not stop my disordered eating habits. They’ve recently picked up again, and I’m hoping to get down to 130. Nobody else has really noticed, though, apart from my parents. But basically all that entailed was my dad saying “you’re getting pretty skinny, you okay?” And the only person who understands in the entire world is my brother, because he understands everything about me, and he recommended this sub to me as a source of support because he’s also dealt with it. Idk, I don’t really feel /bad/ about being called selfish anymore, but it’s made me more focused on my goals with my body. I can’t let myself get too underweight though, because I’m committed to donating blood every 8 weeks and letting myself get dangerously underweight in that case *would* be selfish.
weekly calorie counting is saving my life
/u/peacecorpsquestion3 [5’6 | 118]
Created: Wed Oct 3 20:07:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l7qd4/weekly_calorie_counting_is_saving_my_life/
---
ate like 2200 today but I actually don’t feel like shit? fasting tomorrow and low restricting the rest of the week
for some reason 5600 a week is way easier than 800 a day for me
[Rant/Rave] First binge in months :(
/u/blmatsuu [5'2 🍁 92.5 🍁 16.9 🍁 -58]
Created: Wed Oct 3 20:05:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l7pua/first_binge_in_months/
---
I asked my sister to heat up this microwave weight watchers risotto I had, I’d planned it out and everything and ate all of it because I thought it was just a weight watchers one. Turns out she made my fucking mum’s full fat, full calorie risotto instead even though I asked her to make the one I had?? And I cut myself for the first time in fucking weeks and I feel pathetic getting so upset over a fucking *risotto* that was a couple hundred calories more than what I was expecting and now I’m having two fucking bowls of noodles and a cereal bar and a bag of popcorn which doesn’t sound like a lot but holy fuck I feel so horrible and disgusting and I need to get back on track before I fall back into a binge cycle, I’m 12lbs away from my ugw and I can’t let myself gain a single pound more. I’ve had to have had at least 1200 calories today and I’ve not had more than 500 in months I just feel horrible fuckkkkfjbdbsb I want to starve to death fucking hell
NO, I AM NOT ORDERING PIZZA.
/u/caithaa [5'7 | 125 | 19.56 | 21F 🌼]
Created: Wed Oct 3 19:57:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l7nlg/no_i_am_not_ordering_pizza/
---
It's almost 10 PM and I have already eaten enough today. I DO NOT NEED TO ORDER PIZZA. Yes, maybe it'll be gooey and delicious, and it will maybe fill the sad emptiness inside of me for an hour or two so I can go to sleep feeling guilty for eating rather than feeling empty, but waking up to the same, or worse, higher weight is NOT going to be worth it. It is SO hard for me to not order this pizza right now so here's a short list of pros of not ordering this god damn pizza:
* Save the $15-20 it'll cost to get pizza and put it towards some cute booties or a sweater for the fall.
* Wake up feeling like I won a battle against my own sick mind!
* Not ruin my skin/digestive system/self-esteem by eating processed dairy and gluten doused in cheap oil and a bunch of nasty chemicals, because I'll probably order from a place the health department hasn't visited in decades for cheapness sake & make my body sick.
Here's the only con for not ordering the stupid pizza: I won't have some cheesy dopamine slice to make me feel better.
Ugh /r/proed community, I feel so pathetic sometimes. Why is this a struggle I have to go through? This is so sad. If someone I knew read this they'd feel sorry for me. God.
[Discussion] Anyone else start out ana/mia, then start binging uncontrollably & unable to work up the energy to purge?
/u/lizbites
Created: Wed Oct 3 19:51:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l7lzx/anyone_else_start_out_anamia_then_start_binging/
---
I started out restricting, and I got to my lowest weight ever. Then at some point, I just got so hungry I couldn’t take it anymore, and I started b/p’ing to deal with it.
I gained a ton of weight after I started b/p’ing, and now I just feel too numb, tired, and stupid to purge. I just eat whatever the fuck I want now, and then either sleep or do drugs to deal with the anxiety/depression afterwards.
Even if I can’t recover completely, I’d love at the very least to go back to restricting — but I just feel like such a dumb, fat fuck. I feel like I’m already dead inside. I don’t know where else to go from here besides suicide.
Anyone else in a similar situation? Anyone else been here and recovered? If so, how’d you do it?
Want to binge.
/u/Myrix10101
Created: Wed Oct 3 19:49:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l7la0/want_to_binge/
---
Guys I’ve been doing so so good. I’ve gotten down from 134 to 125 in like five weeks but dear god I just want to binge on donuts right now. I’m honestly thanking god I just don’t have the money but I want to go to this kitchen and stuff my face with any carbs I can get my hands on.
[Rant/Rave] Halo Top for the first time!
/u/wildcardwonder
Created: Wed Oct 3 19:44:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l7jxp/halo_top_for_the_first_time/
---
Just got a pint of the candy bar flavor! I’m so excited, so far it’s good! I just put on warm pjs straight from the dryer and curled up under cozy blankets! I rarely eat ice cream so at the moment this is pretty damn good. What flavors should I try next?
[Help] Desperately want to buy a scale
/u/ZygomaticArdvark [5'2" | CW:99.5 | BMI 18.2 | 16F]
Created: Wed Oct 3 19:43:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l7js6/desperately_want_to_buy_a_scale/
---
I currently can't weigh myself regularly because I don't have my own scale, the only one in the house is in my parents room and they're often home (CW is from last weekend), and the scale is super old and probably not accurate. It drives me crazy not consistently knowing how much I weigh. I've put off buying a scale because I know that would be feeding the disordered behavior, but I really can't stand it anymore. My therapist won't tell me my weight either. In some ways I think it contributes to disordered behavior because my brain and dysmorphia can trick me into thinking I'm gaining on 1,000 calories (my current situation) because I don't have the proof of seeing my true weight on a scale. I honestly think I'm going crazy from not knowing my exact weight regularly. I think about it CONSTANTLY
Any advice? Am I just hurting myself if I buy one?
I think shirataki’d right! 👌😍
/u/blood-n-caffiene [5’5 | just call me Nessie😵 | 19.6 | Not much :/|F]
Created: Wed Oct 3 19:29:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l7fuy/i_think_shiratakid_right/
---
No more fishy smell or rubbery texture.
My method was to rinse quite a few times, toss into strainer, pat dry w/ paper towel, then bowl for the time suggested on label- actually, could’ve been more like 5 instead of the 2-3 mins suggested-
Put back into strainer, pat dry again.
Serve!
I’m pleased with the results, and, IMO, it came out rather pasta-esque.
Yay, my first crack at making shirataki noodles didn’t come out like total shit!
Oh, does this fit here?
Bloating: OMAD or IF?
/u/_Spicy_Lemon_ [5'6 | CW 131.5 | GW 120 | UGW 100| F]
Created: Wed Oct 3 19:22:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l7e8n/bloating_omad_or_if/
---
For those that partake in fasting, do you feel less bloated if you do IF(8 hour window) , OMAD (one meal a day) , or spread your meals, like one in the morning & another late in the evening? I'm realizing food bloating is my biggest fucking trigger.
[Discussion] “Fierce Medicine”
/u/Runebird
Created: Wed Oct 3 19:19:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l7dbc/fierce_medicine/
---
Here with a book rec. If anyone's read it already (or if you read it later), I’d appreciate a discussion buddy.
Ana Forrest is a yoga instructor who struggled with ED when she was younger. She came from an abusive home. She was sexually abused, too. (She isn’t graphic, but it is clear the situation was bad.)
I’m bringing it up here because she talks about how she began to get past the ED, too.
This is not a “how to kick your ED” book, to be clear; it's part memoir, part yoga guide, part mental guide.
Specific to ED, she talks about:
1) fear of becoming like her abusive mother (she held a lot of fears around fatness)
2) investigating the nature of her ED (she clearly dealt with a few, but she specifically talks about binge/purge) and how it reflected on her psychologically
3) how she started repairing the emotional damage which compelled her to binge and purge.
Short version, from memory: there was a lot going on in her life which resulted in bottled up emotions with nowhere to release, so she was stuffing herself (with some really wonderful vegan foods) and then releasing it into a toilet as a proxy.
She got right by addressing the emotions she had been ignoring or denying, removing toxic influences, and consciously working on honoring her body's needs with her food choices.
It seems like people who struggle with food are also consistently people who struggle to feel like they aren’t in control of their own lives. Like, they had at least one parent who was manipulative or openly abusive, or their lives were overstructured as kids, or they were mocked for a body shape/size/quality they never had a choice about. When someone devalues you by stripping you of your autonomy, you seek something you CAN control, and that becomes food.
Confirm? Deny? Stray thoughts?
[Help] Please help
/u/jasmine0326
Created: Wed Oct 3 19:18:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l7d4y/please_help/
---
I took a couple laxatives after a binge for the first time ever, hoping to alleviate the calorie intake, and now i’m shaky and thirsty and scared. What should I do?? I’ve been drinking a lot of water
[Other] What’s been your weirdest fear that could mess with your weigh in?
/u/shapay199 [5‘2“ | favorite food ☕️ | F19]
Created: Wed Oct 3 18:41:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l734d/whats_been_your_weirdest_fear_that_could_mess/
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As in, ridiculous things that you think about making you heavier when stepping on the scale.
My top hits:
- grease in my hair
- nail polish
- blood loss during period
Luckily I’m not that stupid and after 2 seconds realize that that’s absolutely absurd, but still, I keep getting these weird af ideas. Do any of you all have these funny thoughts?
Army Troubles
/u/RichardStarrkey [6'0 | CW:FAT | GW:55kg | M]
Created: Wed Oct 3 18:38:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l7278/army_troubles/
---
Right dudes, I get drafted to the army in five hours [CHECK IT](https://www.reddit.com/r/cripplingalcoholism/comments/9l1ql2/richardstarrkey_gets_drafted/?ref=share&ref_source=link).
I made a mistake with this stupid ass eating disorder. I abused dulcolax to the max. Like, I'm comfortable taking four of those things at once, that kind of shit. So...I stopped taking them to prepare for the army four days ago except... I haven't pooped since then. And I'll be doing push ups in five hours, running around and all that. Richard be worried, yo.
ALSO I heard about the food in my specific camp! It's *the* camp that higher ups appear in for the food cause they've got like, spaghetti and chicken rice, and I even heard about pizza popping out of there. I'm gonna name some malay/chinese/indian foods that'll be foreign as hell to you guys so google them right now. **Nasi Lemak. Roti Prata. Wanton Mee. Mee Rebus. Mee Soto. Char Mee. Hor Fun. Sambal Chicken. Beef Rendang. Roti John. Fried Rice with Chili Padi.**
AHHHH this shit all good I'm gonna get fat in the military
I’ve been logging PB2 wrong for months??!
/u/shostakovichbanana [5'8 | 170.4 | too high | -35 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 3 18:29:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l6zwa/ive_been_logging_pb2_wrong_for_months/
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I couldn’t find my tablespoon, so I decided to use my food scale to weigh out 2 tablespoons (serving size = 2 tbsp and 50 cal). Apparently one serving of PB2 is half of what I used to eat, bc the serving size accounts for the tablespoon of water you mix in... so I’ve been eating 100 cal instead of 50 cal for months 🙃🙃🙃
[Help] How many calories is it if you suck all the chocolate off the peanut m&m's and spit out the peanuts?
/u/toddunnesmadchen
Created: Wed Oct 3 18:24:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l6yji/how_many_calories_is_it_if_you_suck_all_the/
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I know im a monster but i cant find an answer for this ANYWHERE
Have to wear a swimsuit next week and I’m freaking out.
/u/Illfollowyou
Created: Wed Oct 3 18:19:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l6x6u/have_to_wear_a_swimsuit_next_week_and_im_freaking/
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We’re going to a trip next week where I’ll be pretty much only wearing a bikini the whole time and I look soooo gross. About 2 months ago I made a goal to lose 15 pounds before the trip. Now it’s 4 days away and I’ve lost nothing. I’ve been binging for 3 weeks straight. I’m terrified of wearing a swimsuit and it’s honestly been making me want to die which I know is so stupid.
B/P’d. AGAIN. How do I just ignore food?!
/u/starrieuniverse
Created: Wed Oct 3 18:06:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l6tid/bpd_again_how_do_i_just_ignore_food/
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Hey y’all- I just recently joined this thread and I LOVE YOU GUYS! I’m trying my darn hardest to reach my GW of 115 (or 110! Or 105! HOW LOW CAN YA GO), but when free food is offered I can’t help but binge, and binge HARD. I almost ate a solitary 400 cals today (which is good for me), but then they had free pizza and I had 5 slices. I’ve purged today already, but I came home and just want to eat/purge again! How do you guys deal with your body betraying you like this!!!!!
[Rant/Rave] sometimes it feels like food is an addiction
/u/band-aide [5'5.5 | CW: 125 | BMI: 20 | F/19]
Created: Wed Oct 3 17:44:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l6np2/sometimes_it_feels_like_food_is_an_addiction/
---
i'm addicted to feeling good from tasting food. i'm very lonely and have no friends to hang out with, i am not close to my family, and i have no real hobbies that make me feel accomplished. i'm not a great student, just average. nothing special. i don't drink or do drugs, i figure what i do to myself is bad enough, but i also have no ways to get a hold of that shit anyhow, and i prefer to avoid alcohol because calories. so, i only get pleasure from tasting delicious food. and i hate it so fucking much.
​
i'm either controlling myself by restricting and feeling like i'm actually accomplishing something (weight loss), or i'm impulsively/compulsively eating and feeling good in the moment i taste, and i keep eating because i want the taste. then i feel shitty afterwards for eating so much. i make myself feel ill at times but i am afraid of vomiting so i'm too much of a coward to try purging.
​
i am chronically depressed and always have been; oftentimes i just feel numb. my relationship with food is so ambivalent. it makes me feel good quickly and it feels rewarding but i want it too much, and i want too much of it. i try to distance myself, to feel less out of control. of course i love food, these damn anorexia stereotypes about not \*wanting\* to eat, i love food more than anyone i know. i think about when i'll eat, what i'll eat, what i want to eat... i always crave just eating and tasting SOMETHING. i'm so jealous that normal people don't get obsessed with food the way i do. i was a skinny kid but i ATE so goddamn much, and i continue to be that way but i feel fat, look fat, am afraid of being fat. so, i try to avoid that by barely letting myself eat sometimes. god, i wish people would just lock food up away from me. i eat it too much, and treat my body like a complete and utter garbage can at times. i'm like a dog, i literally have to tell myself "that's enough, stop fucking eating" or i can't stop.
​
i tried telling my mom this but she just said "i never deprived you as a child, i don't know why you'd be like this." she always seems to think that when i open up about a problem, i'm trying to \*blame her\* for something, when it's not that at all. in fact, when she does that, then i HAVE a reason to blame her for something!
​
i just want to know why i'm like this and why i'm addicted to food. i don't even have a life anymore and my numbness is making my boyfriend upset every night and he should just leave me for being so numb and sad. he deserves to come home to a happy, positive, normal-functioning person like him, and not a neurotic, self-destructive girl like me. it would benefit him so much but he seems to disagree. i feel awful that he doesn't want to leave me. depression is a bitch. and my life is falling apart.
[Discussion] Movesum App
/u/virgomartini
Created: Wed Oct 3 17:36:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l6l9b/movesum_app/
---
Just found this app called Movesum and count how many calories you burn by walking thought out the day. It compare who many calories you’ve burn with food (like 350 calories = 2,5 ice cream = 1 pizza slice = 8 sushis = …)
It’s really good but idk if I should log it as calories off because it’s kinda natural to walk.
What do you guys thinks ?
[Help] ?? how to avoid food waste // impulsive/reactive fasting ¿¿
/u/lightningmcqueef69 [5'5.5" | 114.6lbs | 18.78 | 18 | enby 💛]
Created: Wed Oct 3 17:34:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l6ksd/how_to_avoid_food_waste_impulsivereactive_fasting/
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i bought my own groceries (finally) and prepped meals for this whole week, but i binged today and i'm planning on fasting until saturday to make up for it-- but i feel really shitty and like i wasted my money because now my food is going to go bad. double punishment i guess?
how do i minimize the food waste?? i have my meats + breads in the freezer so i think that should be okay but i boiled a whole damn dozen eggs and i still have 9 left that will be bad after sunday and i have no idea what to do with them 🙃 i could feed them to my dogs but i *really* don't want to deal with big dog egg farts all weekend lol
Forbidden pasta
/u/InsatiableLardo [5'5" | 189.7| 53 lbs. | F]
Created: Wed Oct 3 17:32:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l6kaj/forbidden_pasta/
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So, when I started restricting again, I thought I would never be able to eat pasta again. It's just too calorie and carb laden for me to feel comfortable. Enter stage right the Gerber pasta pickups. 70 cal for a reasonable portion of pasta. I am in hog heaven and I didn't give two solid fucks who finds out that I eat toddler meals. Plus, they're shelf stable so I can take them to work and just heat them up whenever I have time (no fridge.)
[Help] Weird thoughts
/u/MellowMelly [170cm(5'7) | 70kg (155 lbs) | BMI: 24.2 :(]
Created: Wed Oct 3 17:30:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l6jje/weird_thoughts/
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Ok here are my weird thoughts. It's 1:30 a.m. and I can't sleep. I have never discussed them with anyone. I have never even told them to anyone. Please excuse my English, I'm not a native.
When I'm outside and see a person eating something by themself I feel extremely pity for them. My brain somehow assumes they must be lonely and unhappy. Maybe this is because I eat alone when I'm lonely. It feels so heartbreaking. The feeling is even stronger when it's old people. Which leads to the next point: I could never be mean to someone who is eating. Because I feel a person eating is so vulnerable. Again I project myself onto others. But WHY do I feel vulnerable while eating?
Sometimes I'm really looking forward to eat something specific. I'm about to enjoy the meal, everything is fine. Suddenly I feel so guilty for feeling joy. I feel unworthy to feel joy about the food. I eat it anyway but with a bad feeling.
These two mentioned situations distract me every time, because I have no explanation for them and don't know how to stop the thoughts and feelings coming to my mind.
I can't be the only one! What is the reason and what do you do against it? Do I sound completely crazy?
I feel like I’m lying to myself
/u/malificentbeauty [5'2.5 | SW 150 | GW 110 | -9 | 21F ]
Created: Wed Oct 3 17:16:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l6fih/i_feel_like_im_lying_to_myself/
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I tell myself all the time; oh I’ll quit starving when I’m 120 lbs as it started out, then it was I’ll quit when I’m 110, then 105, now my goal is 99. I’m nowhere close yet, but it’s scary how I lie to myself that this restriction is something I think is short term in my head when I’ve been doing it for so long (and never going anywhere because then I binge). Because I look at people that are extremely underweight and think, I’ll never look like that, but if I think about it I’m constantly pushing what I should weigh down further and further, and eventually if I make it to my goals I will look like that. I’ll look like a frail grandmother when I’m 21. But even knowing that I still don’t want to stop restricting, it scares me too much.
[Discussion] DAE feel trapped in their own body?
/u/happy_but_unhappy [5'9 |CW 118.8 | 17.5 | GW 110]
Created: Wed Oct 3 17:14:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l6ey3/dae_feel_trapped_in_their_own_body/
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I feel like this is not the body I'm supposed to be in? I need to be tall, slender like model physique but instead I'm frumpy as frickkkkk....
It's just leaving me feeling trapped like I can't lose the weight quick enough? Does anyone else feel the Same?
High Tech Scale (geeking out)
/u/keepitcosmic [5'2" | Yikes | 🐷]
Created: Wed Oct 3 16:35:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l63t0/high_tech_scale_geeking_out/
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so i just ordered [this scale](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01N1UX8RW/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_JguTBbYZQJ2NR)
and one of the reviews compared the scale results to the Tanita Body Composition Analyzer you have to book an appointment and pay for. [Look at how](https://imgur.com/a/9kByRz9) close the results are!! and it’s $30!!! it shows you TONS of stats that gets sent to the phone app. this is the lamest thing i’ve ever been excited for. i’ve been using a $10 digital Target scale for years and i’m done with it.
When low cal ice cream goes on sale
/u/bulimicomrade
Created: Wed Oct 3 16:32:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l6358/when_low_cal_ice_cream_goes_on_sale/
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https://i.redd.it/aup1f88yr1q11.jpg
ED Reality Check at CVS
/u/ChugaChuga_ChooChoo
Created: Wed Oct 3 16:27:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l61ss/ed_reality_check_at_cvs/
---
In short: Powerade Zero and two bottles of 10,000mg of Biotin for my hairloss. It’s the first time I felt self conscious and nervous about what the cashier might be thinking. I do have a disorder, don’t I...
Put on 10lbs in less than a month🙃
/u/Snowbae
Created: Wed Oct 3 16:12:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l5x09/put_on_10lbs_in_less_than_a_month/
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This endless binging and purging and drunk eating has GOT TO STOP. Was literally finally feeling myself for the first time in years and managed to fuck it. Started a new job and went crazy. Back to the gym, back to restriction, back on my bullshit
Trader Joe’s is a godsend!!
/u/Aprikoosi_flex [5'9" | cw 127 | gw 117 | ugw 110 | 26F]
Created: Wed Oct 3 16:11:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l5wsa/trader_joes_is_a_godsend/
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Please mark RAVE!
I had their Low Guilt Mac n Cheese and hoooooollllly shit. It’s 270 cal for a whole package and it’s a decent amount. The flavor and texture is honestly the best I’ve had for a frozen pasta. It was 1.99$ and for me it curbed my pasta craving rather me go on a 10000 cal binge at Olive Garden. I put some of their everything bagel seasoning (also fucking amazing) on it and it was probably the best impulse binge stopper I’ve had.
Trader Joe’s also has a ton of vegan foods if you need alternatives btw!!!
It is wrong to love dating people with ED?
/u/KayaMu38grenoble
Created: Wed Oct 3 16:04:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l5uql/it_is_wrong_to_love_dating_people_with_ed/
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I'll explain myself, I've date two girls with ED and both of them during at least one year.
From this I've never been able to have feeling to anyone else, there's something that I really enjoy from those 2relation, I wasn't seeking for people with ED, it just happen to be the case and people with such disorder tend to be really active, helpful, careful and emotional as well as many other things that made it so enjoyable. Of course I had some those moment where's she was depressed and make many bad things toward me or herself but I've always been able to handle it, maybe without even trying, I've help them too much up to the break up, nonetheless I'm just asking myself if I should feel bad for this feeling?
[Discussion] Let's Rank all the Enlightened Flavors
/u/Sockapoodledoo [5'4 | CW: 125 | GW: 115 | 25F]
Created: Wed Oct 3 15:49:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l5qcm/lets_rank_all_the_enlightened_flavors/
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So I keep seeing posts about Enlightened, and I decided I'd make my own ranking for them if anyone was curious and wanted to try some flavors out since I have tried all of them but two (plain chocolate and plain vanilla). Sprouts was having BOGO free one day, so I bought all of them. What was I supposed to do, wait till they weren't BOGO? The ones I couldn't find in store I ordered online through [icecreamsource.com](https://icecreamsource.com). Yes, my wallet is sad--this is the life of a broke B/P bitch. YES, every flavor they have is better than every flavor Halo Top has, IMO. Calories are a bit higher on average but the taste is ugh so much better. Yes, I'm making this post to distract me so I don't binge on all 7 of the pints in my freezer right now.
​
This is just MY personal preference, so take with it what you will! I'm gonna rank the flavors in tiers and then put them in order within their tiers.
Tier 1=Needs to be in my fridge at all times.
Tier 2=Would 100% buy again
Tier 3=Pretty good but there are better flavors I'd rather have.
Tier 4=Meh/Trash
​
\- **TIER 1 -**
**Movie Night (360 cal)** \~ This is probably my favorite flavor. It's buttery popcorn ice cream with swirls of caramel and chocolate chips. It's a mixture of sweet and salty and it is TO DIE FOR. Sounds really weird on paper, but it's just amazing.
**Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip (400 cal)** \~ This is either my second favorite or a die for first. I am a peanut butter slut, y'all, and this is the best peanut butter flavored thing I've ever found. It's peanut butter ice cream with chocolate chips. It tastes so much like peanut butter you kind of even get that thick roof-of-your-mouth feel when you eat it. I'm obsessed.
**Chocolate Peanut Butter (360 cal)** \~ So this one is chocolate ice cream with a peanut butter swirl. The peanut butter in this one is more salty than sweet--still delicious. Better than Halo Top's. I bought a pint of this one and peanut butter chocolate chip and mixed them together.
**Marshmallow Peanut Butter (360 cal)** \~ One of the ones I ordered online because I couldn't find it in store, and it's breaking my heart because I need to have it always but I'm sure as hell not paying that shipping fee again. It's the same peanut butter swirl as chocolate peanut butter, but marshmallow ice cream instead. Heavenly.
**Caramel Oatmeal Cookie Crunch (400 cal)** \~ Lots of websites I see that do rankings rank this flavor as their #1 and they are not wrong. It's special. Caramel ice cream with caramel swirls and chunks of oatmeal cookie. CHUNKS. They're not messing around. The cookie bits have a really nice almost crisp texture to them and I loved texture variance in my desserts so I fucked with this flavor real hard.
**Black Cherry Chocolate Chip (360 cal)** \~ I thought this was going to be my least favorite out of all of them because I'm not a big fan of black cherry ice cream. I was so wrong. It's amazing. There's just something about it. The little chocolate chips in it are so good. I had my boyfriend try it who is also not a big fan of black cherry and he ate it, paused, and said, "......this is surprisingly fantastic."
**Triple Chocolate (360 cal)** \~ So real talk, I pretty much love all their chocolate flavors. Their chocolate ice cream base is really good. But if I had to pick one for tier 1, it would be this one. It has chocolate chips and chocolate fudge. It's tasty and less calories than the other chocolate flavors.
**Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough (400 cal)** \~ Who doesn't love chocolate chip cookie dough? Come on. This one's really good and the cookie dough pieces were very tasty, and they didn't skimp out on them too much. The base is really good too.
​
\- **TIER: 2 -**
**S'mores (400 cal)** \~ S'mores flavored stuff usually falls short for me and never compares to a real s'more. This is not so. It's delicious. Probably why it's 400 cal. Marshmallow ice cream with a chocolate swirl and graham cracker bits. It all mixes together and gets kind of gooey and so good.
**Sea Salt Caramel (320 cal)** \~ This one and butter pecan probably have the best two textures of all of the ones I tried. They were super smooth and creamy. I don't know if it was just the pint I got or the flavor, but yeah.
**Red Velvet (280 cal)** \~ I didn't like Halo Top's red velvet at all. I'm kind of over red velvet. Not this one. The ice cream is rich and chocolatey (in that red velvet kinda way you know), and it has swirls of CREAM CHEESE FROSTING IN IT.
**Glazed Donut (320 cal)** \~ This is birthday cake ice cream with rainbow sprinkles and a chocolate swirl. You'll find my review for birthday cake down at the bottom. This, however, is insanely better. The chocolate takes it to another level. I would eat it all the time if it wasn't one of the online orders.
**White Peppermint Mocha (360 cal)** \~ Tastes like a white peppermint mocha. It's really good, but I almost wanted more from it somehow? More chocolate maybe? The mint taste is really good though. It has little white chocolate chips which is cute.
**Pumpkin Spice Latte (240 cal)** \~ I'm a pumpkin slut about as much as I am a peanut butter slut, but for some reason pumpkin ice cream usually falls flat for me. This is good, but it falls to the same fate as other pumpkin ice creams. I did like the little espresso swirl though.
**Fudge Brownie (400 cal)** \~ Tastes really similar to triple chocolate but a little more fudgey?
**Cookies and Cream (320 cal)** \~ Halo Top cookies and cream was one of the most disappointing things I've ever tried. This one is way better. I think "healthy" food companies usually have a hard time getting the cookies and cream flavor down anyway. When I first tried it, I thought it was just okay, but it definitely grew on me. I started putting it on my chocolate mug cakes, so that might have something to do with it.
**Mint Chocolate Chip (320 cal)** \~ Love it. Very good. Better than Halo Top's. See a pattern? Has the same little chocolate chips as black cherry chocolate chip. We stan.
**Butter Pecan (360 cal)** \~ Very smooth and buttery, and it has big actual pecan chunks. That texture difference, tho. This was my boyfriend's second favorite out of all of them.
​
\- **TIER 3 -**
**Triple Shot Espresso (320 cal)** \~ I'm just not a big coffee ice cream fan, and that's basically all this was. It's coffee ice cream with an espresso swirl and little chocolate chips. If you love coffee ice cream, you'll love it.
**Brownies and Cookie Dough (400 cal)** \~ Okay, so this was actually the most disappointing flavor for me. and the reason is this: it's delicious--WHEN you get pieces of brownie and cookie dough. They are so few and far between it's like searching for a needle in a haystack. When you find one, the taste is glorious, but I dug through the whole pint trying to find them and before I knew it I finished the whole thing.
**French Toast (280 cal)** \~ My boyfriend's favorite. It's "french toast ice cream" with swirls of maple syrup. I liked the syrup, but I wish the ice cream itself had more of a spice to it, like cinnamon or something to give it just a little bit more. Tasted really similar to Halo Top's pancakes and waffles for me.
**Bananas Foster (320 cal)** \~ This one really surprised me. I thought it would have a really fake banana flavor to it, like banana taffy taffy or like the Halo Top chocolate covered banana, but it didn't at all. The ice cream base is actually really good for a banana flavor and the caramel swirl is really nice. Liked it a lot better than I thought I would.
**Frozen Hot Cocoa (360 cal)** \~ Frozen is right because this bitch took FOREVER to dethaw. If hot cocoa and especially frozen hot cocoa is your thing, you'll be a fan of this one. It falls somewhere between good and "meh" for me. It has a marshmallow swirl, which I can't decide if it's tasty or weird tasting.
​
\- **TIER 4 -**
**Snickerdoodle (240 cal)** \~ It was alright. Kind of boring. Described as "sugar cookie" ice cream but with cinnamon and spices like a snickerdoodle cookie. It was just fine. Boring by itself. I put it on a coffee cake crumble mug cake and then it was good.
**Toasted Almond (240 cal)** \~ Exactly what you think. Strong almond taste. Tiny little almond bits. It was fine, but wouldn't buy again.
**Cold Brew Coffee (240 cal)** \~ Meh. Like I said, I'm just not a big coffee ice cream fan and this is literally all it is. Doesn't have any extra toppings or swirls or anything. Just coffee ice cream.
**Strawberry Cheesecake (280 cal)** \~ Disappointing. Doesn't really taste like cheesecake at all, more just like strawberries and cream. It was okay at first, but turned it boring after just a couple bites. The swirl is nice, but just kind of tastes like strawberry jam. Threw it away without finishing.
**Birthday Cake (280 cal)** \~ I'm over birthday cake flavors. If I want a birthday cake, just get me a damn cake. The rainbow sprinkles were nice, but overall it was blah. I didn't even finish a quarter of it--threw it in the trash.
​
​
Hope y'all enjoyed! LMK if you have any questions and let me know what your favorites are!
Rice cakes aren't safe anymore
/u/Fuckingricecakes
Created: Wed Oct 3 15:48:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l5ptj/rice_cakes_arent_safe_anymore/
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Long time lurker. Y'all are beautiful people. I'm a BIT drunk and I wanted to sober up so I tried to eat some rice cakes. It was a disaster. I've c/s all of them, they're only 1mm thick as well. What even is life? Sorry for the ramble just have no one to vent this too. Stay strong you lovelies ♥
A couple notes on EC stacking I've noticed through the years
/u/CorrithLavellan [6'0" | 181.8 lb | 24.66/23.70 | -19.4 | 21F]
Created: Wed Oct 3 15:30:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l5kof/a_couple_notes_on_ec_stacking_ive_noticed_through/
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So I'm waiting for my adderall to kick in so I can actually get some studying done tonight. But while it's slowly dissolving in my system I thought I'd give a few notes I've noticed in my 2-3 years of using EC stacking.
1. It is not as effective if you do not drink enough water.
2. Adding another supplement (I use Yohimbe) makes the stack more effective as well- expecially if you've been using for a while.
3. PROTEIN IS A GODSEND. If I ECY stack I always feel jittery. I always feel anxious. I always get nauseated. Even if I have a piece of toast or crackers or a granola bar. BUT I decided to take it along with a protein shake with a small amount of coffee mixed in and have noticed it feels SO MUCH BETTER. I don't get the jitters. I don't get the shakes. I feel more of a light headed euphoric feeling rather than get so sick I can hardly function.
My mistake all along has been using the EC stack to not eat anything. And then I wind up eating something carby to try to stave off the nausea. It actually feels and works so much better when you eat a small amount of protein with it.
Or maybe I'm super late to the party and everyone knows this ☺ but I thought I'd share
Anyways. Hope you all are having a great morning/day/night. Love you~ ♡
I feel like I've done something wrong every time I eat
/u/Precaso
Created: Wed Oct 3 15:28:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l5jvz/i_feel_like_ive_done_something_wrong_every_time_i/
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No matter how healthy or unhealthy I eat, after the fact I always obsessively add up how many calories I just ate and think to myself "I could have saved all those calories by just not eating." Calorie = bad, at least that's how I think.
At this rate i‘m going to be 67 and still in this mess of a mindset.
/u/Flippingkittens [5'0 | CW 106 | GW 94]
Created: Wed Oct 3 15:25:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l5izt/at_this_rate_im_going_to_be_67_and_still_in_this/
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I haven’t had these thoughts for one year now. Well, here goes nothing. One drunk night and a weigh-in later I‘m spiraling again.
Whatsapp buddy from germany?
/u/eattillithurts [SBMI 39 | CBMI 25 | GBMI 19 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 3 15:20:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l5ha4/whatsapp_buddy_from_germany/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] "Your back looks so broad" - 5 words to smash my will to stop losing weight
/u/KivviApteryx [1.74 cm|54.1 kg|17.9|45 kg|F]
Created: Wed Oct 3 15:16:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l5g16/your_back_looks_so_broad_5_words_to_smash_my_will/
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So after losing lots of weight the past month I spontaneously bought new close secondhand of a nice girl from Facebook.
29 pieces of clothing sized S and XS, I was in heaven, looking at myself in clothes that finally fit again and felt okay. Even some crop-tops in the bunch, I never wore cropped Shirts before, cause I thought I looked to fat for them. Now it looked okay. Not like the pretty girls on the street kind of nice, but okay enough for me to look at myself and not starting to hate myself again.
So my boyfriend sat there, watching me putting on all my new stuff and being happy for the first time in a long time while trying things on and suddenly he says "Wow. I don't know why, but you have such a broad back. Like a weightlifter. It's less, when you take your shoulders back, but you really have a wide cross."
Crack.
That, dear ProED Community, was that little bit of self-esteem I gained from looking into the mirror and thinking of myself as okay. Shattered, just like my intentions of trying to hold my weight, instead of losing further pounds. All I know see is wide shoulders, to much backfat, a ribcage like a man.
He is such a sweetheart most of the time. Seriously, he worries about my wellbeing, loves me to death and makes sure I eat "enough", even though he doesn't know of my ED (Knows my physical disease - are together for nearly 9 years now), but sometimes he's so thoughtless and says what's on his mind, without thinking what it might cause. He knows how I feel about myself, that I don't like my silhouette and have low self-esteem, but sometimes he is just so stupid and doesn't think before he talks and now I'm sitting here, wanting to burn all the Clothes, cause I think they make my wide back looking even worse.
Why can't people sometimes think, before they talk?
Low heart rate during a fast? Cross-posting for help!!
/u/conuretrash [5'3.5''| 20 F | CW 148 | GW 115| -42 |]
Created: Wed Oct 3 15:15:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l5fwf/low_heart_rate_during_a_fast_crossposting_for_help/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/fasting/comments/9l5flu/low_heart_rate/
[Help] Any tips for avoiding the after school binge?
/u/Dontloseyour-Ed [5'1" | 102 | 19.2 | GW: 94lbs | 16f]
Created: Wed Oct 3 15:00:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l5b29/any_tips_for_avoiding_the_after_school_binge/
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It feels like everyday at school I eat nothing and then I come home and end up binging.. it makes me feel like an absolute failure. There's also the evening which is shit. I wish I could lock myself away and never eat again but I have to go out into the world and interact with food.
Does anyone relate and have any methods that worked for them? Thank you
[Rant/Rave] Rave advise?
/u/SkinnyisSexy [5'7 |125lb|19.6|-23lb|F GW115]
Created: Wed Oct 3 15:00:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l5b1c/rave_advise/
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I'm going to a rave on the 20th, I'm super excited. Trying to get to my goal weight before then. I know the days leading up to it I should try to be healthier. I usually candy flip but I haven't been to a rave since my relapse so I'm nervous. I have a Camelback so I'll be good on water. Any advise on how to eat the week before so I don't have a heart attack or shit my brains out (going from restriction to maintenance)
[Discussion] DAE feel like their body dysmorphia is destroying their sex life?
/u/famarino [5’3 | CW: 105| 18.5 | UGW: 90| F]
Created: Wed Oct 3 14:58:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l5agh/dae_feel_like_their_body_dysmorphia_is_destroying/
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Hey guys long time lurker/commenter, first time poster.
I feel like on the days that I eat, my body dysmorphia is horrible and I can hardly look at myself without feeling disgusted, ugly, and gross. Needless to say, this makes it very hard to make me want to get naked and intimate with my SO. I know she misses the intimacy (it’s been months) and I know it’s probably hurting our relationship, especially since she doesn’t know the reason for it.
I was wondering if anyone else has this issue and how you guys have handled it if so?
I’m equally terrified and delighted at how quickly and easily everything is coming back to me.
/u/StupidGarbageFire
Created: Wed Oct 3 14:52:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l58oy/im_equally_terrified_and_delighted_at_how_quickly/
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I’m not feeling a full introduction, so long story short: I spent most of my life completely consumed by eating disorders, I “recovered” by balancing my disordered eating tendencies and making healthier life choices, I’m currently relapsing hard.
I purged for the first time in a very long time on Sunday night. I had binged until I was nauseous, struggled to fall asleep, had terrible nightmares, woke up in a sweaty panic, and found myself in the bathroom, purging on auto-pilot.
When I laid back down in bed, I though, “Well, that was easy.”
I should have thought, “Fuck.”
I feel like that event flipped the switch. I felt compelled to weigh myself Monday morning. I measured out my coffee creamer and tracked it. When I went to the gym, I did cardio instead of my normal weight lifting. I didn’t eat until after 4:00 PM, and I ended the day with less than 1,000 calories.
Tuesday, I didn’t eat anything until my date at about 8:00 PM. I had cravings for diet Vanilla Coke. When we had dessert, I served him his pumpkin pie with whipped cream, and I ate raspberries. I guesstimated my portion of raspberries was about 80 calories...when I weighed it and tracked it, it was 88 calories. So close.
I woke up this morning down 4.2 lbs.
When I went to pick my son up from school this afternoon, I stood up from the car too fast, felt a bit lightheaded and the edges of my vision were fuzzy. I smiled. What the fuck.
I don’t really have a point to all of this. I know, logically and rationally, that I shouldn’t go back down this path...but I’m simultaneously so overwhelmingly eager and relieved.
My father broke up with my stepmom over a 27 y/o
/u/leoloewe19
Created: Wed Oct 3 14:52:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l58i2/my_father_broke_up_with_my_stepmom_over_a_27_yo/
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This is my first post on reddit plus I'm not a native speaker so please dont judge my English 🙈
So I have known about and talked with my father about his marriage problems for the past year, but now it's final and he broke up with her.
I have been talking to him this evening, we went on a long walk and I mostly listened. At some point he got angry with me for not showing enough compassion with his situation and not being enough of an adult to understand (I'm 20, but thanks to trauma I've grown up quite early..) and he attacked me for not speaking about my opinion etc while I was actually holding it in because I knew he wouldn't listen. I then told him that I am worried about my 10y/o brother(their kid) and that I love my stepmom and am not okay with the way he speaks about her and he attacked me some more on that and kept justifying why he is the good one here..
I knew he had a temper and I knew he is difficult, but he never attacked me in such a way. I cried on my way home and I will fast tomorrow. Plus I lied to my boyfriend (the only one who knew I started relapsing) about starting to eat again so that he won't worry. I never lie to him. This is a very bad sign and I think I really am relapsing. But it's the only way I can control my emotions and the only thing I can control at the moment, so it feels like in a weird way its good to have the ed atm because it makes me feel okay and in control of something I guess..?
Short and fat
/u/Ravenclawprincess25
Created: Wed Oct 3 14:33:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l52kk/short_and_fat/
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I'm short and fat. I keep getting stuck in binge mode. I just found myself eating an ice cream sandwich in the bathroom. After eating 2 cupcakes, cheeze it's, candy and pizza. All between lunch and dinner.
And I still have to go home and eat dinner with my family. Starting over AGAIN tomorrow. Im disgusting
[Rant/Rave] I GOT THIS FOR $75! It’s a $260 Bluetooth Nutribullet and I’m just so fucking excited to drink low calorie but nutritional smoothies that’ll help me poop 😭😭
/u/Lunabell2
Created: Wed Oct 3 14:07:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l4tr6/i_got_this_for_75_its_a_260_bluetooth_nutribullet/
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https://i.redd.it/nkbfj7zy11q11.jpg
The intermittent fasting fad is a BLESSING
/u/nsagaydo
Created: Wed Oct 3 14:03:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l4smn/the_intermittent_fasting_fad_is_a_blessing/
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Everyone at my office is obcessed with it (even though I truly believe that they are doing it completely wrong, but whatever) and now NO ONE even bats an eye at me when I skip lunch and drink tea with stevia all day long. I just have to say i'm doing intermittent fasting and everyone is super kind and understanding all of a sudden.
​
As much as I hate fad diets (CICO for life /: ) I hope this fad lasts as long as possible.
[Rant/Rave] Guys, I bought Brandy Melville pants…
/u/ghostsportclub
Created: Wed Oct 3 13:46:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l4mtb/guys_i_bought_brandy_melville_pants/
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AND THEY FIT. FUCK!
If anyone remembers one of my first ever posts, it was about wanting to order these so bad but being so scared of them arriving and not fitting (perks of being in a shit part of the U.K.). But I bit the bullet and decided to order them - they’re either gonna fit and I’ll be euphoric or they’re gonna be too tight and I’ll have even more reason to restrict super hard. Ive been pretty depressed and in pain today (my period is due tomorrow rip it’s gonna be a bad one) so I’ve been eating normally so I was super scared to try them on but ommmmgggggg they fit SO WELL. They fit my legs nicely (quite fitted around my thighs but relaxed at my calves - I LOVE that fit.) and it makes my bum look so peachy 🍑
Fuck I’m so happy. If any of you are on the fence about buying clothes you really want, plS do!!! I can’t wait to rock these pants every day 💕
[Other] a dangerous cycle
/u/deadgirlaesthetic
Created: Wed Oct 3 13:33:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l4ibw/a_dangerous_cycle/
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sleeping all day to avoid hunger/eating, going out less, seeing friends less, depression, loss of interest in my hobbies/daily activities, not caring anymore.... and it goes on and on and on
[Goal] Selena Gomez 5'5". her thighs look like a more realistic goal for me. also want her jacket now please thx 😹
/u/kalianda [5'4" | CW 129 | GW 115 | -10 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 3 13:32:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l4hud/selena_gomez_55_her_thighs_look_like_a_more/
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https://i.redd.it/vdyh7ibqv0q11.jpg
Anyone completely open and honest about their ED with their s/o?
/u/Anonymous_fiend [5'3 | CW:112.5lbs | HW:145 LW:83]
Created: Wed Oct 3 13:27:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l4g6v/anyone_completely_open_and_honest_about_their_ed/
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I need the support and am too stubborn to stop restricting anyway. My bf doesn't like that I starve or purge but I feel comfortable confiding in him. Plus I think he secretly likes how I won't get fat on him because of my disorder. At first he said he liked my body a little curvy at 123 but he's been too supportive sometimes of my weight loss. Like he congratulates me when I share I lost another pound. He doesn't want me to reach 100 lbs but he's very encouraging of me losing more weight since he know I want to. But he does want me to be healthy and tells me to eat more. If I started binging on him or gaining weight I feel he would be less understanding. Being a high restrictor is sexy to a lot of guys. I love the validation I get when I say how many calories I eat. I can eat junk/drink but I control myself and then eat super healthy the rest of the day. I hated how alone I felt as a starving teen with no one to talk to other than mpa. I compromise with him to eat around 800 calories but feel bad if he knows I ate TDEE that day. He keeps me accountable bc it's hard to pig out in front of him especially if he's not eating much. Sometimes I think it's worse than being alone because he triggers me. He's been losing weight and doesn't have the best relationship with food either. He used to have a six pack a couple years ago and let himself go. Maybe I'm too sensitive but it seems like a lot of people have unhealthy relationships with food.
Apps?
/u/fancyapollooo
Created: Wed Oct 3 13:13:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l4bkg/apps/
---
What apps can I use to stay on track? Fasting meters? Thinspiration? Etc.
has anyone not underweight stopped their period by fasting/heavy restriction the week before?
/u/problemproblem420 [5'6'' | 117 | 18.9 | 19F]
Created: Wed Oct 3 12:55:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l452u/has_anyone_not_underweight_stopped_their_period/
---
i've stopped my period when i was underweight before but never at a "healthy" bmi. is it possible? i really dont want it this month :(
[Other] Im trying not to binge, getting creative
/u/b-carbonate [5’6" | CW: 132lbs | BMI: 21.6 | 🏳️🌈 | 19F]
Created: Wed Oct 3 12:48:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l42ky/im_trying_not_to_binge_getting_creative/
---
https://i.redd.it/ppnhns8vn0q11.jpg
[Help] How the fuck do I maintain lmao
/u/blmatsuu [5'2 🍁 92.5 🍁 16.9 🍁 -58]
Created: Wed Oct 3 12:36:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l3yf9/how_the_fuck_do_i_maintain_lmao/
---
Went to therapy today and they’re letting me do DBT even though I’ve lost a kilo this week which is cool because I thought they’d kick me off, but they said if I lose anymore weight at any time I’ll be kicked off? Idk it’s bullshit, I think I might just refuse to be weighed. The meal plan they gave me is apparently to maintain but my TDEE is only 1100 and their plan is at the very least 2000 so fuck that. I don’t want to gain weight but I think I’m going to have to maintain for now. I’m not sectioned so I can refuse to be weighed but I’m too nervous to say, so I might get my parents to ring them and say I can’t be weighed. I have nooo idea. But if anyone has any tips on what to do/how to maintain please share!! I’ve never tried to maintain before so I have no idea what I’m doing :(
[Discussion] DAE get embarrassed by their loseit/mfp/etc. notifications
/u/piizza [5’4” | 131 CW | 110 GW | 22.7 | -13 lbs| F]
Created: Wed Oct 3 12:29:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l3vvl/dae_get_embarrassed_by_their_loseitmfpetc/
---
I’m the kind of person who needs the reminders from my apps (logging food in LoseIt, tracking fasts in Zero).
I’ve been pretty good about clearing the notifications as soon as they come in, but I was traveling with my boyfriend all weekend and he DEFINITELY saw the cheesy little reminders from LoseIt.
I was so embarrassed even though he didn’t say anything. I ended up binging that night just so he could see me eating and not ask if I’m restricting.
How do you deal with people seeing your notifications?
[Rant/Rave] TMI WARNING
/u/mmblarg
Created: Wed Oct 3 12:26:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l3unh/tmi_warning/
---
AAAAAAAAH I’m gonna have an accident if my coworker doesn’t get back from lunch NOW! Apparently Monster White and SlimFast were a bad combo 😖
Foods I couldn’t live without
/u/wildcardwonder
Created: Wed Oct 3 12:21:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l3sv0/foods_i_couldnt_live_without/
---
- can of black beans with salsa
- split pea soup
- vegetable soup
- basically any type of low fat, low cal soup
- olives
- pickles
- bananas
- whole wheat toast with some peanut butter
- almonds
- frozen fruit
- coffee
- water
[Rant/Rave] Restriction high
/u/uiume
Created: Wed Oct 3 12:04:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l3mis/restriction_high/
---
So good. Getting through my biology notes faster and more efficiently than ever while blasting music and dancing in place. I basically feel manic but without the unhealthy impulses to smoke/eat/spend money/tinder. :) So good. I seriously haven't felt this nice in such a long time.
[Rant/Rave] Boyfriend not understanding metal health issues
/u/spiritanimalryuk [5'2 | CW 🐄 | HW 165+ | | 22F | GW1 115 | UGW2 100]
Created: Wed Oct 3 12:00:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l3lbi/boyfriend_not_understanding_metal_health_issues/
---
**TLDR:** I love my boyfriend, but he doesn't understand mental health so sometimes says and does things that are insensitive and hurtful. So this is a long rant about that.
​
I just want to rant a little so forgive me for the length. So, my boyfriend doesn't know about any ED - just that I struggle with food and weight gain. And he also knows about my depression and anxiety. But has no idea that I have an ED.
​
I was watching Supersize vs. Superskinny (S1E3) and he comments that Amy-Jo looks healthy. We got to talking, we get into eating disorders in general and he says you can't tell if people have an eating disorder by looking, some people are just skinny. And I was like, well sure, but only to a certain extent - there's a certain point where you know. because they are very underweight And I also explained how you don't need to be skinny either to have an eating disorder... there are things like bulimia and binge eating disorder where often the people who struggle with these aren't skinny. And I have to say I am pissed with his response. " Binge eating disorder? You can't just call stick disorder at the end of words and it makes it a real disorder" so I explain that BED is a mental health issue, and that people with it don't eat for the sake of eating, it is an obsession and it is real. And I was getting pretty heated because he just doesn't understand mental health. And as great as he is with me now, it took a long time for him to understand depression/anxiety.
Also one other rant, this absolutely crushed me the other day. We were talking about weight, and I was talking about how I had gained a bunch and I was going to be healthy again. And we were just talking about weight in general and sizes and he said ya, you were really athletic before. You get like healthy but not skinny. He's not wrong, I have never been skinny but obviously I'm a little upset and kind of defended myself and was like well ya, I suppose, but I really struggle with food and it's hard for me to be skinny. He says, well you COULD be skinny, it's possible. And I'm like yes I know that physically I could be skinny, like yes I'm not trying to say that I break the rules of physics and can't be skinny, it's just hard. And just like wtf? why say that? Now I have spite goals LOL. Be skinny enough to be dubbed "skinny".
​
He will also comment on my food and doesn't understand why I get upset. So I have asked him to not comment because it bothers me, which he as respectively done. But just for a few examples of things he's said before I told him explicitly to stop:
\*as I go back for seconds\* "Really? You're still hungry?"
"Some days you just like don't eat then you eat a shit ton the next day, maybe try to eat normally"
"Wow, is that your 3rd slice of pizza?" (this one I responded with anger - why are you counting how much I'm eating? I KNOW I AM EATING TOO MUCH).
"Maybe you should slow down..." \*as I shovel food it to my face, and I know I should but SHHHH\*
"Are you still eating?"
​
GAAAH. Feels good to rant it out. And as bad as I am making him sound, he really is loving and caring. When he sees that I stayed home he always checks in to see how I am doing, making sure I am taking good care of myself mentally and is always a sweetheart. It's just something he never learned about so it can be frustrating being the one to have to teach him. He does really try - it just doesn't help that I have all these mental health issues that he can't really understand and are hard to explain to someone who doesn't know what it is like.
Watched “To the Bone” on Netflix
/u/unfuckmylifepls
Created: Wed Oct 3 11:33:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l3by4/watched_to_the_bone_on_netflix/
---
Throwaway here. I have found it really difficult to discuss my problems with anyone. My problems aren’t limited to having an ED. I’ve lurked on this sub for awhile.
I watched the movie *To the Bone* last night by myself and I was crying for almost the whole thing. I didn’t know there was a movie that I want to show people to “explain myself.”
Here are the quotes from the IMDb page - I relate to all of them:
Ellen: People say they love you. But what they mean is they love how loving you makes them feel about themselves.
Ellen: I just don't see the point.
Dr. William Beckham: In what?
[Ellen shrugs]
Dr. William Beckham: There is no point. Or, at least, big picture, we don't get to know what it is. Why we live... , why Megan lost the baby... , why that girl killed herself...
Ellen: You're not reassuring me doctor.
Dr. William Beckham: I can't reassure you. This idea you have, that there's a way to be safe, it's childish and cowardly. It stops you from experiencing anything, including anything good.
Ellen: You don't think I feel bad enough already? I know I'm messed up, but you're supposed to teach me how not to be.
Dr. William Beckham: You know how. Stop waiting for life to be easy. Stop hoping for somebody to save you. You don't need another person lying to you. Things don't all add up, but you are resilient. Face some hard facts and you could have an incredible life.
Ellen: That's your pearl of wisdom? Grow a pair?
Dr. William Beckham: That's a more concise way of putting it. Yeah.
Ellen: Unbelievable. Fuck you!
Kelly: If you die... I will kill you.
Dr. William Beckham: Your stepmom always talk that much?
Ellen: You know how sharks have to keep swimming or they'll die? She's kinda like that but with talking.
Dr. William Beckham: [about Kelly] She was the only one who had something to say that wasn't seen entirely self-serving.
Kendra: Damn, Dr. Beck! Are you trying to turn me straight?
[Luke whistles]
Dr. William Beckham: That's a different program.
Ellen: Bet you didn't expect this much gynery today.
Dr. William Beckham: I do think this is a record number of mothers for one patient.
Kelly: How many calories you think boogers have?
Ellen: I've got it under control. Nothing bad's gonna happen.
Kelly: How many people do you think are down there? Like 2 million? I bet a bunch of them who are about to die just said the exact same thing.
Judy: Ellen!
Ellen: Eli.
Judy: Uh, you know... Ellen was your great-grandmother's name.
Ellen: I bet she didn't like it either.
Luke: Jonathan Gold is my muse.
Ellen: Raymond Chandler was your muse a few minutes ago.
Luke: I know. Isn't that *fantastic*? Nobody can keep up with me.
Kelly: You really need to get better so you never have to see those people ever again.
[Other] Safe foods that are also binge foods?
/u/staticphat [Height: 5'3 | CW: Jabba the Hutt | GW: Bikini Leia]
Created: Wed Oct 3 11:28:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l3aht/safe_foods_that_are_also_binge_foods/
---
For me, Cliff Bars are a big safe food even though they are high in calories. I replace meals with them, and I love how they have so many different flavors. However, I have had moment where I’ll go into binge mode and eat ALLLLLLLL the Cliff Bars I have and no longer have any more food for the week :( I try to keep them out of the LOL so I won’t binge on them but accessible enough so I can pack some before I go to school.
[Goal] Im taking it back.
/u/ISetMyGnomesOnFire
Created: Wed Oct 3 11:27:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l3a23/im_taking_it_back/
---
Ive been seriously messing up since i lost my job but im done feeling sorry for myself.
​
Im going to get back into not eating before 5pm.
Im going to get back into only eating one meal.
Im going to get back the one thing keeping me sane.
[Discussion] I'm scared to leave the breakroom at work
/u/throwwawayyyyyy5
Created: Wed Oct 3 11:25:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l39gh/im_scared_to_leave_the_breakroom_at_work/
---
I'm sitting here at work after eating my lunch and they got us pizza and cookies, I didn't have any pizza but the bowl of cookies is just sitting there on the path out of the break room and I'm scared I won't be able to stop myself grabbing one.
[Discussion] DAE use this sub for a distraction/“entertainment” for their brain while exercising?
/u/asiaticlily [5’10 | 134.4 | 19 | -47 lbs | F22]
Created: Wed Oct 3 11:25:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l39fq/dae_use_this_sub_for_a_distractionentertainment/
---
I’m currently on the treadmill speed walking while scrolling through all of the posts. I just wanted to know if anyone else uses this sub for like mindless entertainment while walking/working out? It’s been really helpful for motivation to keep my steps over 10,000 a day while also feeling connected to other people with EDs. It’s probably super unhealthy that I’m even doing this.. but such is life.
[Discussion] Memory loss due to restricting?
/u/e_liz [5'7 | 122 | 19.2 | -113 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 3 11:21:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l382k/memory_loss_due_to_restricting/
---
I’ve been noticing some short term memory loss recently. I will forget someone told me something already and now it’s affecting my school classes. I’ll submit assignments twice or forget to do them completely. I’m not lazy when it comes to my assignments, I love school, I just genuinely don’t remember they exist. Today I was shocked to find 3 quizzes past due in a module in one of my online classes and I said to myself specifically, “well this isn’t my fault. I had no idea this module even existed for this class”. Then I realized I had already completed two of them earlier on in the semester. So in reality I did know they existed but my genuine shock at “rediscovering” them really scared me.
For reference, my daily intake has been under 1000 for a very long time but I am not underweight. It doesn’t feel like that would be enough to cause severe short term memory problems but I don’t know. Anyone else experienced this?
[Help] Tips on dealing with Bulimia?
/u/mbisa
Created: Wed Oct 3 11:17:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l36le/tips_on_dealing_with_bulimia/
---
I've been dealing with bulimia for 3 years now. I'm attending university and I find myself spending disgusting amount of money meal after meal just to purge 5 minutes later. I've been rapidly gaining as a result and my boyfriend and I (long distance) want to visit eachother and I can't look like this. Does anyone have any tips or restricting and saving money? Anything will help. Thanks.
[Rant/Rave] I just purged for the first time
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 95 | 17 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Wed Oct 3 11:15:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l35w0/i_just_purged_for_the_first_time/
---
I’ve been finally getting back on track and got my weight back down to 95 from 100 by just eating 2 protein bars a day for the last few days....promised myself I would keep this up until thanksgiving on Saturday and then go back to low restricting after that cheat day. Went to see my SO and he wanted me to go to sushi with him and got mad when I said no...he said I was “doing so well” and “finally didn’t look anorexic” and all I could think was that this will always be the pattern...so I went and ate a 10pc roll (no rice, wrapped in soybean paper) and a small bowl of whatever weird appetizer noodles every sushi place gives you. And I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t stand the guilt and not having any idea how many calories I ate so I just spent half an hour shoving a toothbrush down my throat over and over. I’m about to do it again. Until nothing comes out. It’s not pleasant. The muscle on the bottom of my tongue hurts and my eyes are watering so my makeup is all over my face but I need this gone. I still feel guilty because I know even with this I probably ate a billion calories. I want to see the 80’s so badly. I know how sick I am. But this is a new level for me...I just needed to tell someone
I already failed no binge October
/u/Moonlight_Unicorn
Created: Wed Oct 3 11:11:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l34gt/i_already_failed_no_binge_october/
---
Im a failure. I keep binging and purging today.
Back in the green!
/u/GQJohnDoe [6'2" | 233.2(!!) | 29.xx | 0.4 (>100 before) | M(ish)]
Created: Wed Oct 3 11:05:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l31gm/back_in_the_green/
---
Oh, Happy Scale, how your red has frustrated me! I'm still above where I was all happy to be 2 weeks ago, but at least the trend is *finally* moving consistently in the right direction.
I fucking **hate** being a fatass :( I was seriously starting to consider going to OA "100 pounder" meetings.
[Help] Looking for recommendations on psyllium husk powder
/u/puzzledbutton [5’0” | GW: 110 🍑 icedevil]
Created: Wed Oct 3 10:55:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l2ylx/looking_for_recommendations_on_psyllium_husk/
---
I searched this sub and couldn’t find specific brand recommendations. Preferably something that can be found in the US/in store? Looking for one that mixes well and is flavorless!! Thanks in advance :-)
I'm want to be a certain weight for homecoming
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 |CW 118 | GW 115 | GW 105-110 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 3 10:46:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l2w0r/im_want_to_be_a_certain_weight_for_homecoming/
---
I'm 118 right now, and I'm currently fasting. I wanna be 110-115 by the 27 so I'll keep to fasting or 200 calories for the next three weeks. There's so many cute outfits I want to wear and I need to be skinny for them.
[Rant/Rave] i’m only just know starting to believe that i have a real eating disorder
/u/milkeyedmenders [5'5 | CW 105 | BMI 17.7 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 3 10:28:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l2qaa/im_only_just_know_starting_to_believe_that_i_have/
---
i’m no stranger to this subreddit but i took a hiatus while i was “getting better” lo fucking l
i have a lot of other mental health issues that i get/have gotten treatment for but i’ve never talked to a professional about my eating habits because i always felt some degree of (perceived, at least) control over them. like yeah sure it was unhealthy to restrict and to vomit what i did eat and everything else i did/do but i felt like i could stop whenever i wanted, and once i got really small i DID just stop. and i felt fine for a while. but now i’ve gained back like 15 pounds and for the first time in my life i feel actually ADDICTED to food. i can not stop eating thousands of calories, all day, even when i don’t really want to, because nothing else makes me even temporarily happy. and then i hate myself even more and how fucking disgusting i’ve made my body so i’ll puke five times a day or attempt to fast to fix it but i always end up back here stuffing my face. i feel so utterly powerless in a way i never have before and it’s no longer just a NBD little weight management life hack or whatever. it’s ruined my entire life and i don’t know what to do or how to stop. i can’t afford to take time off for treatment (or afford it at all actually) even if there were good options accessible to me where i live which there really aren’t. plus i don’t know if i’d even be willing to accept it.
i have no friends or redeeming qualities and i haven’t completed a full semester of classes since i graduated HS in 2016 and i’m about to fuck up the early stages of what is the best relationship i’ve ever had with someone because he’s gonna realize i’m a nutcase and rightfully leave me. i dont really have anything to look forward to
missed u all it’s very bittersweet to be posting here again lol. i just don’t know where else to rant about this where anyone would understand.
attempting to fast, need tips
/u/everybhodyhurt
Created: Wed Oct 3 10:21:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l2nul/attempting_to_fast_need_tips/
---
i have only ever done a couple 24hr fasts that have been successful. they were extremely hard. i woke up extremely bloated due to a binge episode, i feel like shit and i want to fast today to saturday morning. i am off work thurs/friday. i work a 5.5hr shift which isn’t that bad but i do work retail and im on my feet the entire time. i do try to drink water whenever i can but i just want to know what you guys would recommend to make it go smoothly... i literally feel so gross.
Fasting
/u/prettypinkneversweet
Created: Wed Oct 3 10:14:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l2lgo/fasting/
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What was your longest fast, how much did you lose and how did it end?
Stomach growling
/u/aimuhlena
Created: Wed Oct 3 10:10:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l2k8y/stomach_growling/
---
Why is my stomach always so obnoxious? Like literally every 2-3 hours after I last ate, it'll start growling LOUDLY and almost constantly. I can't possibly be THAT hungry when I'm eating well. This will happen even after a binge. Anyone know what's up?
Lonely Peach!
/u/whoopsie__daisy
Created: Wed Oct 3 10:05:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l2icc/lonely_peach/
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Hello y'all! I made a peach account about a week ago and I still need more folks to follow! Share yer screen names? Mine is BabyShambles 😊🍑🍑🍑
I Get Very Sick While Fasting- Even For A Short Time
/u/alienmickey
Created: Wed Oct 3 10:01:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l2h5d/i_get_very_sick_while_fasting_even_for_a_short/
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DAE get feverish, wobbly, extremely nauseous, sick etc etc only after fasting for a day or so? It may be because i go from binging to straight fasting at the drop of a hat and my body can't keep up with it, but im not sure. I know part of it is due to dehydration so im making a point of carrying a thermos with water or gatorade with me everywhere i go. Yesterday i stopped eating again (i had a 100 cal bottle of tea and nothing else) and by the afternoon i was sick. I was hot, and sweaty and shaky. My legs got wobbly, my head was throbbing and i was constantly on tbe verge of dry heaving which to me is the Worst Thing Ever. Does anyone know how i can combat this? I used to eat a few saltines or almonds here and there, or a handful of grapes. I might start doing that again. And if it helps, i am at a normal weight, but have been disordered for eight years with my weight being all over the chart. Im afraid theres a lot of internal damage from all these years.
[Rant/Rave] Prescribed meds that increases appetite
/u/kernalmustache [169cm ♀ | CW 105lbs | BMI 16.7 | SW 130lbs 🌸]
Created: Wed Oct 3 09:53:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l2ebu/prescribed_meds_that_increases_appetite/
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UGH
Just when I thought I was getting better my doctor decided to recommend a medication for me that's supposed to help with another problem, and I really can't turn that down, but it increases appetite and I really don't want to gain weight 😠 guess I'll just have to go back to starving myself so I don't gain weight...
I’m in health and they’re talking about eating disorder after i just recovered.
/u/cinnamonpatt
Created: Wed Oct 3 09:47:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l2cmx/im_in_health_and_theyre_talking_about_eating/
---
i’m on my way to lunch right now after my health class just talked about eating disorders. I went to marching band practice during the summer which led me to recover from bulimia due from me being freaking dizzy and hungry all the time. it really helped and for a while i was happy, but now my health class is talking about eating disorders and i feel horrible. i know i looked too skinny when i had bulimia but i have a little stomach now from small binges a few times and just general unhealthy eating. And i’m not overweight, i’m 92 pounds but just hearing about bulimia makes me feel like i failed and that i should go back to my old ways, even though i still have band and i know i shouldn’t. what do i do i feel horrible and i’m scared i’m gonna relapse, i’m alresdy looking in the mirror badly again and noticing the buldge on my stomach....
[Discussion] DAE gain and lose the exact same 10lbs [rant]
/u/akahayes [5'6.5" bulimic mess| 148 :( | 23.5 :( | -34 | F | UGW ?]
Created: Wed Oct 3 09:42:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l2b6d/dae_gain_and_lose_the_exact_same_10lbs_rant/
---
Basically I'll lose 10 lbs, feel really good about myself, let myself have a lil binge session as a reward (which then inevitably results in a full-on binge phase), freak the fuck out upon gaining weight, and then lose the same 10 lbs and rinse and repeat. I'm like a really lame weight-related Sisyphus, not to be dramatic or anything hahaha.
[Other] @ all of Asia
/u/whitechocolateonly [5'8" | CW: 128.2 & BMI: 19.5 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 3 09:25:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l25l7/all_of_asia/
---
Thank you for making amazing, delicious tasty food full of low calorie options that make my own personal hell 1000x easier to live in
[Rant/Rave] "aren't you full?? why don't you just stop eating when you're full"
/u/burrochevola [5’3’’ | 127 lbs | ugw: 👻]
Created: Wed Oct 3 09:17:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l22ni/arent_you_full_why_dont_you_just_stop_eating_when/
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i don't fucking know dad, maybe because my disorder, uhm, doesn't work that fucking way?? no i shouldn't "eat more at lunch so it keeps you full more and i dont gorge myself on snacks" cause the whole point of binge eating is I'M NOT SATISFIED TILL MY STOMACH LITERALLY HURTS BY HOW MUCH I'VE EATEN, i don't just "stop when im full", that's called being a person with normal fucking eating habits and trust me id truly love to be one
he keeps pulling out the argument that "im letting myself go" and that im becoming fat again (my hw weight was 178 lbs at 5'3, lowest was 130, im currently stuck between 145 and 140) and keeps asking me if i really wanna end up like my grandmother (class II obese) and holy fuck it triggers me so fucking much like what the actual fuck is his problem
HE EVEN SAID "there's nothing wrong with you, you just are a bit of a gluttonous. you just need self-control"
FUCKING SERIOUSLY?
i feel like this is the equivalent of asking an anorexic "aren't you hungry?? why don't you just eat when you're hungry"
[Help] Vegan energy drinks?
/u/Soggy_Ramen [ 5’0 | Thighs the size of Jupiter | GW: 120 | UGW: 100| F]
Created: Wed Oct 3 09:06:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l1zau/vegan_energy_drinks/
---
Sorry, I tried searching and couldn't find anything which seems odd. I'm vegetarian and used to love energy drinks but gave them up for health reasons. I'd honestly like to get back into them, moderately, to curb my apetite but need ones without Taurine.
Has anyone tried any that are any good?
MAYBE IM LATE TO THE PARTY BUT THIS IS HEAVEN FOR MY KETCHUP ADDICTION
/u/lowfatavocado [5'6.5'' | cw117 | bmi18.6 | gw 110 | F23]
Created: Wed Oct 3 09:04:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l1yri/maybe_im_late_to_the_party_but_this_is_heaven_for/
---
https://i.redd.it/g32hgkfyjzp11.jpg
[Help] How to prevent bloating while fasting?
/u/throwaway__1893
Created: Wed Oct 3 08:58:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l1wps/how_to_prevent_bloating_while_fasting/
---
I’m looking to do a 2-3 day fast. Earlier this week I did a 1 day fast and got hella bloated. How can I avoid this cuz the bloat is so disheartening.
[Other] Would anyone here be interested in exchanging Snapchat for support? Delete if not allowed!
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 95 | 17 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Wed Oct 3 08:48:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l1tyg/would_anyone_here_be_interested_in_exchanging/
---
Was just sitting here taking a picture of my sad ED breakfast - mushed up quest bar and yogurt and coffee - and typed “sad ED breakfast but I’m back down to 85lbs as of today!” And obviously couldn’t send it to anyone. Sometimes I see like pizzas at work and just want to snap and be like “fuck off devil pie” but none of my friends would get that. Idk I feel like it would be a great way to find support. If you think that could help you too - or even just laugh together - feel free to pm me and I’ll send my username :)
WTF! +3 lbs in one day
/u/li_hu_sh [5'3 | UGW 105 | CW y i k e s]
Created: Wed Oct 3 08:44:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l1sps/wtf_3_lbs_in_one_day/
---
Okay help me out so I’ve been restricting to 700 but yesterday I binged to 1400 cals. I wake up and viola I’m fat again please send help
[Rant/Rave] Call it a cleanse and it’s fine!!!
/u/navillanavilla
Created: Wed Oct 3 08:43:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l1sf1/call_it_a_cleanse_and_its_fine/
---
I just told two people I’m on a “low cal cleanse” when they commented on how all I seem to eat is rice cake and deli turkey. They seemed to like that and within 5 minutes they had promised themselves that they too are now on a low cal cleanse. I’m so glad I can set a positive example for my friends who are trying to be healthier lmao
[Rant/Rave] Nothing suppresses your appetite more than..
/u/wildcardwonder
Created: Wed Oct 3 08:22:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l1lo8/nothing_suppresses_your_appetite_more_than/
---
waking up thinking you’ll have an amazing day only to find your little brother freaking out because our dad brought home a random whore from the bar last night and when he went to get ready for school, she was in his bed! I don’t feel like eating ever again I’m so fucking sick and disgusted. My mom just passed away like 2 months ago and I’m sure this woman knows that? I’m about to be a skinny legend because I lost my appetite forever!
[Rant/Rave] Proof that I’m invisible
/u/Adrenalize_me [5’6” | HW 226 | CW 217.8 | F]
Created: Wed Oct 3 08:11:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l1ibt/proof_that_im_invisible/
---
I think most people would agree that facial piercings are quite noticeable, yeah? Well, apparently not on me.
I have snake bites, and I took my lip rings out, back in May. No one except my sister-in-law noticed (they flat out said, “oh, shit, I didn’t even notice!”)
Well, yesterday, I decided to put them back in, because I only have college to keep wearing them. Once I start working in school districts, I’m certain I’ll be asked to take them out, so I figured I should wear them while I still have the chance.
No one noticed this time either. I literally now have sparkly shit poking out of my mouth, and no one noticed. My family is very big on “what made you decide to do x?” So if they’d noticed, I can guarantee I’d have gotten at least some comment. Nope.
Guess it’s just proof that people don’t like to look at you for too long if you’re overweight.
How’s that for depressing motivation to keep restricting?
On a happier note, though, I am now 34 hours into a dirty fast (I’ve only had coffee with 2 tbsp of creamer in each mug.)
That at least makes me feel somewhat better. Hopefully it’ll trigger a little whoosh (I wouldn’t complain about a big whoosh either though lol)
Anyway, if you’ve read this far, thank you.
[Rant/Rave] My ED feels like a reflection of how my life is going
/u/JustDreamn
Created: Wed Oct 3 07:50:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l1bsa/my_ed_feels_like_a_reflection_of_how_my_life_is/
---
Gaining and losing the same 5lb for almost a year.
​
Not in control of anything, going around in circles never getting anywhere and constant self sabotage :)
So about freeze dried apples...
/u/alienatkerba
Created: Wed Oct 3 07:26:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l14we/so_about_freeze_dried_apples/
---
They are great at first but they have like a canned spinach aftertaste! I was so excited about these lil thirty calorie sweets right up until halfway through the first bite. Eh I am sure I'll get hungry enough at some point to choke 'em down anyway bc I'm a piggy who can't resist any food for long..!
Ugh what a waste of perfectly good apples though ☹️☹️☹️
[Discussion] Restriction-induced Stupidity
/u/strangerrrdangerrr
Created: Wed Oct 3 07:25:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l14jl/restrictioninduced_stupidity/
---
Okay so I always hear about how fasting gives people a sense of clarity but does anyone else feel the exact opposite?
When in heavy restricting (like less than 200 Cal/day) I have SUCH mush for brains. I can't talk without jumbling my words, I can't maintain a line of thought. My work at my office job absolutely suffers and my productivity takes a nose dive. Just trying to type this out is so hard I keep forgetting what I'm trying to say. And normally I write for fun...
Honestly I feel straight retarded. I move so slow my reaction time is trash and I literally can't do anything right. I feel like I'm operating in this oppressive fog that just ruins my cognition but everyone else talks about how great they feel, how clear headed they are.i feel like I'm dying. The physical parts I expect - shaking, can't make a fist, can't lift anything heavy, going up the stairs or even just getting into my car are hard.but my brain too?
I've only been restricting like this for 3 days how do you guys function
when i accidentally overeat in the middle of the day so i angrily go all out with every snack in the house because the seal is broken now
/u/bulimicomrade
Created: Wed Oct 3 06:54:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l0w1y/when_i_accidentally_overeat_in_the_middle_of_the/
---
https://i.imgur.com/Y9CNpH8.jpg
[Rant/Rave] Feeling so alone right now.
/u/linedryonly [5'5"♀| CW 135 | SW 145 | LW 102 | GW 110]
Created: Wed Oct 3 06:44:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l0tfz/feeling_so_alone_right_now/
---
This is so childish but I need to get it off my chest so here goes:
I live by myself in Asia right now. I came here with no family and no friends with the hope of challenging myself and learning about other cultures and languages. I make a good life for myself here and and am lucky to have this opportunity to live life on my own terms in a lot of ways.
But the loneliness lately has been CRIPPLING. I have made friends here, but they often meet up without inviting me and I don't know why. I'm the kind of person to really value close friendships, so this hurts even though I wish it didn't. Every day I go to a soul-sucking job and then go home to my trashy apartment and starve and/or exercise until I fall asleep. I'm usually pretty good at being alone and I even often enjoy it. But lately the feeling of isolation and loneliness is so severe that it physically hurts. I have this constant agitating feeling like I've missed a step going down the stairs- and I remember that I have no one to talk to and no one waiting to see me.
I don't expect anyone to have the solution to this, but I think some of you on this sub can probably relate. I hate myself for not being able to get close to people. It's my fault that I'm alone, but I also can't change it.
How do you survive a day at work?
/u/little-paws
Created: Wed Oct 3 06:44:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l0tbj/how_do_you_survive_a_day_at_work/
---
I've got a new job as a server in a very busy restaurant, so I'll be working 8 to 10 hours a day, constantly on my feet.
I've been restricting to 600 a day, but being completely sedentary, so this will have to change.
How do you structure your calories and the kind of food you eat when you have a very active job? Would appreciate any advice for avoiding fainting and being able to concentrate!
Meal prep for the week
/u/helpmytonguehurts [5”6 |CW 156|GW1 130|LW 89| -6| 👩🏼]
Created: Wed Oct 3 06:22:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l0nl0/meal_prep_for_the_week/
---
https://i.redd.it/dqysvhp5ryp11.jpg
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! October 03, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Oct 3 06:11:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l0kmh/daily_food_diary_october_03_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for October 03, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday October 03, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Oct 3 06:11:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l0kjh/way_to_go_wednesday_october_03_2018/
---
This is the weekly achievement thread for October 03, 2018.
This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!
*****
Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Help] super nauseous - what can I do?
/u/twa1238 [F25| 158cm | CW 🐄 |]
Created: Wed Oct 3 06:01:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l0hxi/super_nauseous_what_can_i_do/
---
I was low restricting for a while, yesterday I had a binge but stayed around 1800 calories- still in a deficit because of the days before so I try not to worry too much about that (even though I gained almost two kilos sooooo.....where does water weight end and where does fat start)
Today I wanted to go to the gym first thing in the morning to use the energy at least but I feel so bad. Not full, but so nauseous and dizzy. I drank coffee which usually helps with the dizziness but it didn’t this time, I tried to eat a protein bar because i figured my body need something?, but felt so sick after two bites, like I was actually going to throw up (I tried but couldn’t). I drank a lot of water and went back to bed and I’ve been lying here for hours (thank god it’s my free day), my head hurts worse and I still feel like throwing up. I tried to drink tea but i can’t bring myself to drink it without feeling this oh here comes the puke-taste in my mouth.
I slept for a while but it hasn’t gotten better at all. I don’t dare to take an aspirin for my headache because I’m afraid of feeling more nauseous after? Anyone else knows something I could try maybe?
[Rant/Rave] My boyfriend heard me purging so guess the cat is out of the bag...
/u/sunshineandpuppies98
Created: Wed Oct 3 05:53:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l0fzz/my_boyfriend_heard_me_purging_so_guess_the_cat_is/
---
My boyfriend knew I was struggling with food and seeing a psychologist for that (and many other things lol) but last night I went to go “take a shower” after eating and it was so fucking hard to purge I could barely get anything up and he heard me coughing (it’s a very small apartment)
We had also just watched an episode of This Is Us (spoiler maybe idk it was from season 2) where Kaye finds out the thin girl (can’t remember her name) in her support group purges so OFC I come out and my boyfriend starts questioning me about it.
I think he was kind of half joking at first to hide his concern but I didn’t want to lie to him.
So yep now he knows so I definitely can’t do it when he’s home anymore. This whole thing just made me feel gross and now I just want to fast or restrict so I don’t need to purge and maybe that’ll be easier to hide.
Fasting support
/u/poetsandscientists
Created: Wed Oct 3 05:42:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l0ddy/fasting_support/
---
Idk if this is allowed so the mods can delete it but I really fucking just need some support.
I’ve been bingeing like crazy and am planning a 36 hour fast, I guess because I slept I am closer to doing a 24 hour one from this point on.
Basically, I just need any encouraging experiences about fasting reshifting your mindset/resetting yourself/motivation, etc. I know it boils down to just not eating but literally I am so anxious that I’m gonna break down and eat??
Idk if any of this makes sense I’m basically just petrified of bingeing AGAIN.
[Rant/Rave] my scale is a jerk
/u/alienatkerba
Created: Wed Oct 3 05:27:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l09wa/my_scale_is_a_jerk/
---
Same friggin' numbers for the last FIVE DAYS I have been restricting to 800 calories EVERY DAY
That's all, just needed to let that out somewhere!! ❤️❤️
[Rant/Rave] gaining weight on maintenance?
/u/ratpaq [5'1 | 103lb | 19.7 | 22lb | F]
Created: Wed Oct 3 05:02:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l048a/gaining_weight_on_maintenance/
---
i’ve been eating at/slightly below maintenance for almost a month and my scale tells me i’ve gained like 7 f* king pounds. i know SOME of it is water weight but 7 pounds feels like so much, especially since i weighed myself right after probably one of the biggest dumps in my life.
and no i don’t think i’m counting calories wrong lmao and i haven’t had any binges that would have been enough to gain 7 pounds even if i had counted wrongly
i hate this
[Rant/Rave] After trying to eat 1000 - 1200 calories per day, I AM BACK
/u/gauntlyghost [5'5 | CW: HEFFALUMP | GW: 116| F]
Created: Wed Oct 3 04:46:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9l00m6/after_trying_to_eat_1000_1200_calories_per_day_i/
---
I weighed 119.05, after my birthday I had a horrible binge cycle of 2 months. I have gained 8 pounds and I am so incredibly unhappy about it.
I've been trying to limit calories to 1000 - 1200 and I am not losing any weight.
Therefore I am back here and restricting to 850 cals again.
I will be 119 lb again!
​
No more excuses
/u/itsoobak
Created: Wed Oct 3 04:06:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kzsru/no_more_excuses/
---
I’ve let myself binge (im talking 3k-4k calories) every day for like three weeks and ive been telling myself its my period but thats a fat lie and i know it and i can physically see and feel the fat bunching up on my body and i wanna die a little but its my birthday next Monday and i told myself i’d be under 120 for my 20th birthday and i know its not gonna happen BUT! just until then im going to try to stay under 500 calories a day because that seems like my sweet spot as once i go over 500 i think well i might as well eat another 5000. so..... heres to no more excuses for the rest of the week and hopefully the rest of the year lol is it too late for new years resolutions
How does she maintain her weight?
/u/Appolinaris9
Created: Wed Oct 3 03:44:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kzok9/how_does_she_maintain_her_weight/
---
I don't know if you're familiar with emmymadeinjapan from youtube, she's a lovely person who makes tasting videos and such about food from all over the world. She has some videos too in which she shows what she eat during a typical week - this is one: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inzNltDXFWw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inzNltDXFWw)
I wonder though, how would you ever maintain on this? This are usually 500-800ish calories, and yes, she's thin and probably short, but she also exercises every day and has two kids. Wouldn't she be losing so much weight on this? I don't get it.
(Also I'm so envious about how she intuitively eats such cute small portions \*sigh in obsessed\*)
[Tip] Y'all are r****ded
/u/ProjectedAngst
Created: Wed Oct 3 03:40:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kzns4/yall_are_rded/
---
Seriously, I'm pretty shore that all y'alls days goes like this
9:00am - Depression kicks da fuck in and u wake up
9:01am - "I think Imma starve for 24 hours"
9:02am - Shit!! im so fuckin hungry, I think I'll give into my binging
(sometime later in day posts in this sub about how much fasting sucks)
[Discussion] Dae feel like eating "normal" will always be overeating?
/u/dragonnelite [5'2 F | sw 151 | cw 124 | gw 90]
Created: Wed Oct 3 03:30:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kzm2a/dae_feel_like_eating_normal_will_always_be/
---
Like even when i hit my gw, i think im gonna have a hard time maintaining by just eating "normal" because i cant simply stop counting, im so scared ill lose control and gain it all back. Because "normal" eating without counting calories just feels like overeating :(
[Other] Hold myself accountable
/u/sorrywhatshappening
Created: Wed Oct 3 02:29:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kzaz6/hold_myself_accountable/
---
I’m going to the kitchen to get one more handful of chocolate chips and that is going to be it. I’ve pigged out a bit tonight after I got off work... some multigrain chips and an apple, tangerine, and mint frozen yogurt bar. I’m still hungry so I’m going in one more time then I’m forcing myself to go to bed. Just using this post to hold myself accountable
uglier face when skinnier?
/u/Appolinaris9
Created: Wed Oct 3 02:26:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kzafc/uglier_face_when_skinnier/
---
So I used to have an okay-ish face when I was around a Bmi 30 (I don't really know actually, because I can't see my face subjectively but my selfies looked much better, I looked 10 years younger and my skin/cheeks looked so alive) and now at Bmi 21/22 I look REALLY old, I have a super big bone structure so my jaw is enormous and I constantly look sick/dead. I'm still chubby and really want to get at least to an BMI of 18, but I fear my face will get worse - add to that getiting older too (I'm 26) :( It's so unfair, it's either having an acceptable body or an acceptable face (I'll totally go for thinner body because I feel like society still treats you better if you're a skinny 2 than a chubby 5 and I can always get surgery lol).
Too much sugarfree candy
/u/Lairabel09 [175cm| 55kg| 18.0| F22]
Created: Wed Oct 3 02:24:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kza2m/too_much_sugarfree_candy/
---
I felt like death last night. Ate a bag of 70 g worth of Candy with Sorbitol and blacked out twice while trying to get water from the kitchen. There is puke everywhere. My toilet looks like it straight outta Fallout game. But most importantly, I felt weak, so fucking weak and helpless (I live alone) and was sure my stomache was going to burst :/ I lied on the cold kitchen floor for god knows how long, having hit my head a counter edge and that was the best part of the night since I my whole body went numb for a while🤷🏽♀️
I have ate the exact same candy in the same quantity when I was bigger and it was mostly fine. I don't know what the fuck happened.
All of this because I wanted to avoid a major binge and not go over 1000 cals. Not worth it. I want ice cream. There is a tub of salted caramel ice in my fridge and I am going to eat it :)
[Discussion] How do you reward yourself for doing well?
/u/shakeybreath
Created: Wed Oct 3 02:07:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kz782/how_do_you_reward_yourself_for_doing_well/
---
I've been binging for the last three days and I feel so gross. I'm going to fast for today and also go to the gym and try break this pattern and I'm telling myself if I fix the second half of the week I can buy some makeup or something idek yet but just something. (Even though I totally don't deserve it.)
What do you guys use for positive motivation?
Two words: Russian Models
/u/burningbambi
Created: Wed Oct 3 01:13:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kyxjh/two_words_russian_models/
---
I'm obsessed. They're all so gorgeous and flawless and I just can't comprehend it. I can spend hours on Instagram just staring at their ethereal beauty. I used to teach Russian students and every single girl looked like she walked out a magazine.
Flawless skin, slender build, shimmering hair- everything was just so effortless.
The worst part? My heritage is Russian. And I am just this sad sack of blemished skin and dumpy proportions. I feel like a babushka among these goddamn tsarinas.
это пиздец
[Rant/Rave] Trying to convince myself what I ate was okay..
/u/existing--
Created: Wed Oct 3 01:08:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kywk7/trying_to_convince_myself_what_i_ate_was_okay/
---
And that I don’t need to purge. Literally all I’ve had today is coffee, sugar free energy drink, tea & a tic tac. Now I’ve just scoffed down a big bowl of green beans and had one cookie and feel like a fat ass even though I couldn’t have possibly gone over 500 today. Probably haven’t even hit 250 to be honest.. but I feel guilty.
Why do I feel like such a failure when having even low calorie things? Like because I’ve had so much coffee / tea / zero calorie soda etc I feel fuller and like I’ve messed up even though I know it’s all fine... this is getting out of hand.
But at least I’m not b/p. Ugh. I don’t know. I really want to now that I’ve eaten I feel like “who cares then” and might as well go stuff my face. But I won’t. I know it’ll set me back. I want to lose 2 sizes by Halloween to wear a cute outfit I have but it’s unlikely. I am so far away from my goals right now and I just want to cry. And eat. And cry because I can’t eat.
[Help] I dont want to binge purge anymore! Can't i just fast!
/u/Jessica_Briefly
Created: Wed Oct 3 00:26:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kyod5/i_dont_want_to_binge_purge_anymore_cant_i_just/
---
It's been MONTHS, I'm not sure how many. I been eating crap total shit food and purging EVERYTHING!!! For months. I need to stop this and get back into fasting but i can't seem to do it for some reason and I have been able to in the past. I have been purging at least once a day on the days I'm working and on my weekend it's about 5 times a day. I'm starting to feel sick.
Tomorrow I'm going on a liquid diet. I'm going to get those green juices in the produce section and drink only those and something warm too.
So does anyone have any pointers to help me get back on track??
EVERYONE PLEASE SEND YOUR PRAYERS AND GOOD VIBES. I need them
[Discussion] Does anyone else, in some screwed up way, sort of rely on their eating disorder to live now?
/u/ImMissBrightside [5'2" | cw: 94 | gw: 90| 23f]
Created: Wed Oct 3 00:18:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kymv8/does_anyone_else_in_some_screwed_up_way_sort_of/
---
I don't know what I am without it anymore. If I just magically became healthy, what would happen? What would I do with myself? What identity would I have left? I'd be just another depressed student but with nothing to keep my mind busy.
My whole life is built around this cycle of food and starvation. Being the skinny girl who is never seen eating. Feeling excited to sleep and get to eat what I've prepared for the next day. Mindlessly exercising for hours.
Maybe this is why it's so hard for me to recover. If I can't think and focus on these little things, I don't know what exactly I'd even have left to live for.
Having energy to work out
/u/evaa98
Created: Wed Oct 3 00:17:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kymiw/having_energy_to_work_out/
---
I want to start going to the gym and work out a little (like weight lifting and stuff). But I do restrict quite heavily at the moment and can not manage to eat something every day.
How do you manage to have the energy to work out? I am afraid I will fade or have no energy at all
Asian food lovers, a salty spicy low cal meal that fills you up!
/u/misshomo
Created: Wed Oct 3 00:10:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kyl38/asian_food_lovers_a_salty_spicy_low_cal_meal_that/
---
Miso - 36 cal
1/2 cup kimchi - 35 cal
Egg - 72 cal
Actually so filling and only 143 cal!!
And for something sweet afterwards an apple or banana :))
[Tip] Tried something that may save me $ and cut cals?
/u/ketokitty13
Created: Tue Oct 2 23:33:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kydgz/tried_something_that_may_save_me_and_cut_cals/
---
So I LOVE LOVE LOVE Halo top, but it’s so expensive.
I had an little idea tonight - instead of a full bowl of Halo top - have a half bowl of Halo top and a half bowl of this SF vanilla jello pudding cup. Omg, it’s still just as satisfying!!
These jello cups are like 4 for $3 at my local Fry’s, and they’re around the same calorie count per cup as I’d normally be eating the Halo top! I realized as a volume eater that I tend to value the act of eating a treat over the EXACT food taste/texture.
Posting in case anyone else does this/would maybe like a sweet tooth hack! :)
cosplay
/u/backbysix [5'8" | CW 133 | GW 115 | SW 152]
Created: Tue Oct 2 23:09:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ky89v/cosplay/
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​
[my boyfriend plays overwatch. we were talking about who i would cosplay as and he kept saying mei. ok lol guess i'll die](https://i.redd.it/6oasji4qlwp11.png)
Beyoncé
/u/Cassiedood [18/F| 5'2"|CW:119|GW:108|👽| I'm not a bulimic, i'm a bulimist]
Created: Tue Oct 2 23:06:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ky7ni/beyoncé/
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I'm at the Beyoncé and Jay-Z concert OTR ii tour right now in Vancouver!
and on both sides of me are girls fucking tiny dancing like crazy.
I'm the ugliest person here lol.
I'm literally crying now because their songs are so relatable because me and my husband been having problems but working through it. and because I'm a fat fuck. Fuck my life. I'm gonna just get drunk and hopefully die on the walk home.
Preferred sweeteners
/u/buenothot [Height 5’3 | CW 200 | BMI ? | Weight Lost 128 lbs | Gender F]
Created: Tue Oct 2 23:03:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ky6ye/preferred_sweeteners/
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What are your go to sweeteners? I usually stick with equal but I’m curious what you guys use.
[Rant/Rave] Lost ~35lbs unintentionally
/u/cookiecutterhands
Created: Tue Oct 2 22:54:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ky4xz/lost_35lbs_unintentionally/
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I gave birth three weeks ago, and went from 156 to 120. Don’t get me wrong, I’m ecstatic that it happened without me trying, but I was doing well with managing my recovery because I forced myself to eat healthily and gain weight while pregnant. Now that the scale is showing weight loss again, my obsessiveness over numbers is going wild and I feel guilty for thinking about all of this irrelevant stuff when I should be focused on my son. I don’t even feel like I look that different, and that’s the worst part. I mean, I don’t have a baby bump anymore but now I’ve got big saggy breasts, and stretch marks on my thighs and *jiggles* and it’s a lot to handle on top of trying to raise a newborn for the first time. Here’s to being 20lbs away from my prepregnancy weight, I guess.
Overnight weight gain
/u/Toamatoperson
Created: Tue Oct 2 22:47:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ky3ff/overnight_weight_gain/
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OK you guys yesterday I posted saying I was underweight again. This morning I weighed myself (same scale) and suddenly I'm 3KG heavier??? I've had my weight fluctuating, but 3KG overnight? I only ate around 300kcal yesterday so... I'm freaking out T.T how big a difference have you seen between one day and the next? Any ideas why I could suddenly be this much heavier?
So, "binge food" is a redundant phrase
/u/RebelliousSquash
Created: Tue Oct 2 22:28:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kxz6v/so_binge_food_is_a_redundant_phrase/
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I feel like no food is safe from me sometimes. I've binged on straight sugar before, like just eating it out the bag. I've binged on fruit. I've binged on raisins, cold cans of soup, jellies, peanut butter, salsa.
Tonight, I binged on sauerkraut. I ate about 3/4 of a jar. Luckily, at that point my roommate came home and her presence stopped this from turning into a full-on binge.
What are some of the weirdest things that you've binged on?
[Rant/Rave] myproana rant
/u/tired_platypus
Created: Tue Oct 2 22:27:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kxz1r/myproana_rant/
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so i’ve always followed the ana threads on myproana and this reddit of course but recently i’ve realized that mpa is so toxic like i swear it’s like OH MY GOD I JUST BINGED ON 5 STRAWBERRIES like sweetie that’s not a binge and oh my god everything is so glamorized there and i feel like ppl who aren’t even rly sick yet go there to get “tips” or whatever and get so much worse and it’s so annoying to watch and ppl there hate on ppl when they wanna go to recovery like let them do what they want and thank god for this reddit cuz everyone here is so accepting
waiting all night for a 'proper' time to weight?
/u/Appolinaris9
Created: Tue Oct 2 22:21:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kxxmh/waiting_all_night_for_a_proper_time_to_weight/
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so very often I wake up at 3 or so and can't go back to sleep. and then I have to just sit around (like now) and wait for it to get close to a time where I would usually weight in so the result is as realistic as possible, and before that I can't drink anything or so -.- anyone else do this?
[Other] UPDATE: I Had the LEEP Surgery Done Today
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Tue Oct 2 22:20:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kxxh0/update_i_had_the_leep_surgery_done_today/
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It was emotionally and physically traumatic. The doctor and nurse were both very kind and they made me as comfortable as possible, but it was horrible. Afterwards, they just left me in a room by myself to gather myself. I know this apparently had to be done for my health, but I feel like I was assaulted and part of me has been taken away. My whole body was shaking uncontrollably and it was the scariest thing I've ever dealt with.
It's not even over. I go back in two weeks for the results. Im afraid I have cervical cancer. On top of everything, my immune system is horrible as it is. I wasn't even offered pain medication after I specifically said ibuprofen, naproxen, and tylenol don't work for my pain.
I started taking probiotics so maybe that will help. I also take a daily multivitamin. I can say this, my relationship with my boyfriend will probably end. I honestly never want to have sex ever again. I can't anyway for a few weeks and he understands, but I don't want to ever again.
I feel broken. I feel assaulted. I feel violated. I gained 3 pounds from stress eating during the weeks leading up to the surgery. I don't know if its safe to EC stack while I'm healing but I don't care. I want to be 89 lbs again.
I honestly want to die.
[Rant/Rave] Yeah sex is cool but have u ever..........
/u/ellerzverse [5’3” | CW: 149 | GW: 115 | 20 F]
Created: Tue Oct 2 22:13:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kxvp2/yeah_sex_is_cool_but_have_u_ever/
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Had a friend you haven’t seen in two months asked you if you’ve lost weight? And told you your face and legs, the pieces of yourself about which you are the very most sensitive, look much thinner and maybe even gaunt?
Eaten less than half of your small dinner with that friend even though you haven’t eaten that day? And have you taken the leftovers, proclaiming enthusiastically that you’d eat them as soon as you got home, only to bike five miles and sit on your back porch for hours, smoking cigarettes, while your leftovers lie untouched in the fridge?
Lost the twenty-five pounds you gained in your last shitshow of a relationship? And even rejected all of his manipulative attempts at getting you back?
All of that at once. That’s so fucking much better than sex.
Didn’t know with whom to share this excitement, so I came here. I hope you all have a great night, beautiful humans.
[Help] how the FUCK can i stop myself from binging when i get my period?
/u/iamacrazycatlady
Created: Tue Oct 2 22:12:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kxvjv/how_the_fuck_can_i_stop_myself_from_binging_when/
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seriously i feel truly insane, it’s like some switch just flips in my head and refuses to stop thinking about EVERYTHING SALTY OR CRUNCHY OR SWEET AND CREAMY like FUCK it’s making me so mad
[Discussion] Unexplained weight wonkiness
/u/little_tiny_pumpkin [5'5.5'' | CW: 121 | GW: 115 | HW: 136 | LW: 90 | 26F]
Created: Tue Oct 2 22:02:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kxt4r/unexplained_weight_wonkiness/
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K, so this is a frustrating anomaly, and I really wanna hear your input/experiences on this whole thing.
For about a month now, I've been consuming between 600-1300 cal a day, mostly being in the 800-1000 range (with no binges or untracked food).
On one blissful morning, my weight reached 119 (!!!) after a slooowwww creep downward.
Well, it almost immediately shot back up to 122. Water weight!, I said. But then it's just hovered between 122-124 for about 2 weeks now. OH, and this was also after I had been a somewhat "steady" 121 for a few weeks.
I don't \*feel\* like I've consumed enough to gain weight, and I've been drinking electrolytes regularly. I still just figure it's water weight + potential muscle gain... but it's still pretty shitty to see growing numbers and unrelenting belly squish.
So question: has anyone else here had their weight drop for just A DAY only to have it shoot up and plateau inexplicably?
Thanks for the love.
Anyone else with EDNOS just feel like a failed anorexic?
/u/peacecorpsquestion3 [5’6 | 118]
Created: Tue Oct 2 22:00:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kxsgq/anyone_else_with_ednos_just_feel_like_a_failed/
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like swear to god if I have to have an eating disorder that makes me miserable, occupies most of my free time, and makes me physically and mentally unhealthy... can I just be underweight please?
[Other] I wonder what my body actually looks like
/u/hamiifan [4'11 | 89.6 | 18.1 | -10 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 2 21:51:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kxqdh/i_wonder_what_my_body_actually_looks_like/
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I've always had issues with food and my own body and I kinda just accept that I'll always hate it. I think it's gross looking and the people who say they care about me tell me it isn't so that I'll feel better. I feel like I'll never really know what I look like or what other people really think of my body.
[Other] whelp. guess i’m just accepting my fate.
/u/rainbowcatvomit
Created: Tue Oct 2 21:45:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kxp2b/whelp_guess_im_just_accepting_my_fate/
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it seems like i will never get out of this self made hell.
i honestly don’t even know why i do it anymore. but i simply cannot stop. and it’s only getting worse as the days go by.
fasted with no issues the other day, then some shit happened and i became an emotional wreck, so what do i do? go to bed? no of course not. i go out and buy a bunch of food i really can’t afford right now just to throw it up. cool.
i don’t know, it seems like anytime i try to stop i only make it worse. so i just don’t know what to do anymore.
guess this is just my life.
Can any peeps in Auckland, New Zealand area recommend some safe foods?
/u/misshomo
Created: Tue Oct 2 21:42:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kxofn/can_any_peeps_in_auckland_new_zealand_area/
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In NZ we don't have a lot of the same products you guys can get everywhere else. Sucks because I hear about such cool products that are low cal and delicious but can't find any here :(( Also preferably keeping it relatively cheap, thanks!!
[Discussion] Help, how to predict goal weight sizing?
/u/fatpigeon_
Created: Tue Oct 2 21:28:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kxksx/help_how_to_predict_goal_weight_sizing/
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A bit excited, a bit cautious, but I got goal weight pants that almost fit (size 0) but are wearable, definitely would fit perfect in 5 pounds. Thing is, I’m still 15 pounds from my my end weight. I’m 5’2 and planning on getting to around 105, what have your measurements been if you’ve been around my height and weight goal? I’m thinking about returning them for a 00, but I can’t imagine having a 23” waist, but if I’m just a little tight in 24” now...
I don’t want to waste my money having pants that don’t fit in 2 months or pants that will never fit haha.
Compliment Story Train?
/u/ketokitty13
Created: Tue Oct 2 21:23:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kxjn9/compliment_story_train/
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It’s proven that people recall the negative comments made by themselves or others WAY more than they remember the good stuff!
So what was the last complement you received? This could be personality or appearance related! And it doesn’t have to be a deliberate comment - maybe someone suggested something positive about you while talking to you or about you, and it gave you joy?
For example, a friend was describing me and he used the words “toned” “hot” when describing my appearance! It’s been a while since I’ve been called either of those things!!
Your turn! Let’s keep our compliments from being forgotten! ❤️
comparison and trauma from the past
/u/waiting1836
Created: Tue Oct 2 21:13:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kxh22/comparison_and_trauma_from_the_past/
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My whole life I’ve felt unattractive, even though I know it’s not the case. I feel it most around my family, due to comments about my weight and eating behavior that I’ve seen my whole life. I want to be able to be around my family without feeling terrible, but I just don’t know how. Though they’ve stopped making comments about my weight and about dieting (I asked specifically), but my sister is an exercise addict and definitely exhibits disordered eating in the way she restricts herself. It’s been at an all time high lately because she just got married and was very conscious of her looks. Being around her makes me feel worse, which, in turn makes me feel bad for thinking that.
In my own home and city, I enjoy my relationship with food- I love food! I love cooking and eating new things, and I also have a fairly “healthy” exercise routine that’s not obsessive. But when I return to people from my past, it all springs up again.
Anybody have experience with something like this?
[Discussion] Lets talk comorbidity.
/u/whydiepizzapie
Created: Tue Oct 2 21:06:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kxfal/lets_talk_comorbidity/
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A ridiculously high number of those of us with EDs have a fun bundle of comorbid mental illnesses. What other fun brain bullshit do you have going on? How do you think it has effected your ED experience? If you've ever been to treatment, how did they do at addressing your complete mental health?
[Tip] I've gained so much weight lately from binge eating... I'm back to 154lbs :/ I need to lose weight before I see my family for Christmas. Any tips on how to avoid binging and the fastest way to lose weight without fasting? Fasting always leads to binging for me.
/u/listen2ana
Created: Tue Oct 2 21:00:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kxdn2/ive_gained_so_much_weight_lately_from_binge/
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help my poor bowels
/u/Georgie_Shrinks [5'7" | CW: 141lb | BMI: 21.1 | -18lb | 20♀]
Created: Tue Oct 2 20:51:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kxbdc/help_my_poor_bowels/
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help me i haven't pooped in literally 2 weeks and I am afraid for myself. I've purged daily for the last year, and don't eat much fibre so I assume that's a problem, but I've been eating normally for like the last week and nothing. where is it all going. am I just filling up with faeces like a backed up drain. help.
I bought some Laxettes chocolates but I've been reading some reviews and I'm not 100% sure I want to take them - I live at college with communal bathrooms so I don't like the idea of taking laxatives and having a bad reaction and cramping/vomiting/shitting my brains out in the bathroom all day.
Any other tips to trigger a whoosh/BM?? help my poor poop-filled body.
[Discussion] DAE have problems with metabolism?
/u/mmblarg
Created: Tue Oct 2 20:46:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kxa1y/dae_have_problems_with_metabolism/
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I’m currently 194lb but I’m losing weight at a fourth of the rate that a “normal” person would under the same circumstances. I’ve always had this issue and despite yo-yo diet and ED habits, my body never goes into weight changes, mass losing or gaining.... I’ve always been this shape ever since i was 5....
Just curious if anyone else here can relate
I spend a lot more money just to eat less.
/u/J0_f0_sh0 [5'2 | CW116 | -18lbs | GW115 | F21 | USMC ]
Created: Tue Oct 2 20:45:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kx9ve/i_spend_a_lot_more_money_just_to_eat_less/
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Konjac noodles in particular, but I seriously bought a 6 dollar jar of pasta sauce because its 10 calories less per serving than the 2 dollar sauce(probably could have found a cheaper one too).
Am I a bad person for wanting to be able to purge?
/u/qurrat361
Created: Tue Oct 2 20:09:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kwzxo/am_i_a_bad_person_for_wanting_to_be_able_to_purge/
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I can't purge. I've never been able to no matter how hard I've tried, and I hate myself for it, yet I feel so conflicted. I know purging isn't a good thing. I know it's bad for you. I know a lot of people struggle with it and would do anything to be able to stop, but I still want to do it, and I sill keep trying every time I fuck up and go over my calorie limit, and every time I can't do it of course and I hate myself even more. I feel like such an awful person for wanting this. Am I?
What are your thoughts on molecular gastronomy?
/u/Anonymous_fiend [5'3 | CW:112.5lbs | HW:145 LW:83]
Created: Tue Oct 2 20:02:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kwy9h/what_are_your_thoughts_on_molecular_gastronomy/
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https://www.modernistpantry.com/modernist-cuisine-gel-noodle-kit.html
[Discussion] dae feel scared to actually "love" their body cuz then they will eat normally and get fat?
/u/problemproblem420 [5'6'' | 117 | 18.9 | 19F]
Created: Tue Oct 2 19:58:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kwx17/dae_feel_scared_to_actually_love_their_body_cuz/
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like i am legitimately so scared to wake up and feel like im beautiful and i can eat anything because then i will and then i will die lol
[Rant/Rave] What have I done...
/u/gatechnightman
Created: Tue Oct 2 19:56:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kwwfc/what_have_i_done/
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I know that 1,000 calories a day will still lead to weight loss... but I've been eating 200-300 calories a day for weeks and months. I feel like I've screwed everything up.
Rationally, its not gonna make a difference but in my fucked up head I'm a fucking cow and I can't stop crying. I couldn't stay in control and I ate 1,000 calories... what's the point of life if I can't even do this right... here's to a 72 hour fast starting tomorrow.
do i buy a scale
/u/atla302
Created: Tue Oct 2 19:52:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kwvjp/do_i_buy_a_scale/
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so i know i've lost some weight since this semester started but i haven't gotten a scale yet for my new apartment cause I KNOW it'll cause me to get really obsessive...but im really curious as to what I weight now. what to do lmao
[Help] New to fasting, need some advice.
/u/lostandlonley333
Created: Tue Oct 2 19:49:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kwumg/new_to_fasting_need_some_advice/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/EDFood/comments/9kwokq/new_to_fasting_need_some_advice/
[Rant/Rave] Feeling so validated
/u/bingeyboa [5'0" | 98 | 19.1 | -19 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 2 19:47:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kwu5h/feeling_so_validated/
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Aaaah!! My dance teacher hugged me around the middle and said I was "so tiny!" A small thing but makes me feel good.
[Discussion] Tell me about a month when you lost weight
/u/mmblarg
Created: Tue Oct 2 19:46:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kwu0h/tell_me_about_a_month_when_you_lost_weight/
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Any old month, your best month, last month, whatever month you wanna share.
What was your starting weight?
How much did you lose?
What was going on at that time? (Stressed, relaxed, restricting, b/p’ing, exercising?)
I need a distraction so this is what I wanna read about ha
What could look like normal food but is actually low calorie food?
/u/Wollywell
Created: Tue Oct 2 19:36:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kwr6z/what_could_look_like_normal_food_but_is_actually/
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I eat almost each lunch with my school friends and, after a rough month of b/p, I'd like to restrict... a lot. But I can't straight up fast: so I'm wondering what I could eat in front of other that looks... normal but is (very?) low calorie food (konjac noodle, veggies, diet soda in a normal bottle, artificial sweetener, etc.) and won't get me in trouble.
[Discussion] What fear foods are you slaying??!
/u/dreamedotcom
Created: Tue Oct 2 19:34:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kwqqp/what_fear_foods_are_you_slaying/
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Carbs have been such a fear food for so long. I am slowing trying to bring them back in as I do a lot of exercise. Today I had porridge AND a banana. Double whammy for me.
Fear foods I’m still scared off... any fat. Low fat yogurt.
[Rant/Rave] DAE get annoyed when menus change?
/u/LumosErin [5'5.5" | 124.6 lbs| GW: 120 lbs| UGW: 115 lbs | 20F]
Created: Tue Oct 2 19:32:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kwpyx/dae_get_annoyed_when_menus_change/
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Seriously.
I eat at my campus dining hall and always plan my meal the day before so I stick within my calorie range. The dining website always lists what they serve and the nutritional info so I always know what I’m gonna get.
Well every so often I go in prepared with my limit and when I head to the certain station, they’ve changed something! Like today I was ready for a side of steamed carrots at 100 calories but they got rid of them altogether! I had to rearrange my whole count on MyFitness Pal.
That crap annoys me. Anyone else?
[Discussion] reminders for when you look in the mirror (and other ramblings of a scatterbrained anorexic)
/u/lightningmcqueef69 [5'5.5" | 114.6lbs | 18.78 | 18 | enby 💛]
Created: Tue Oct 2 19:29:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kwp4z/reminders_for_when_you_look_in_the_mirror_and/
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- your body looks different *every day*. there are a million factors that play into how you look today. bloating is almost always just water retention. you probably look and feel swollen after a hard workout. it's not permanent. your stomach is not flat after eating. this is okay. it's not permanent. that doesn't mean you can't eat. *it's not permanent*.
- your bone structure is unique to you. do not feel bad about your lack of thigh gap knowing you have narrow hips. do not feel bad about not having the slimmest silhouette knowing you have a large ribcage, or wide hips or shoulders. you are not failing. you can't control these things, and that's okay. it's okay to let go of the things you can't control. they're not worth crying over.
- you are worthy. regardless of how your body looks. regardless of what your ED and/or BDD tells you. you are human, and you have value.
- it's okay to hate your body. it's okay to love your body. some days you will feel both, or neither, or you might feel one for a very long time. whatever you feel is valid and deserves recognition.
- look at the parts you dislike. what's wrong with them, truly? why do you dislike them?
looking at my body introspectively and genuinely with love and concern has really helped me come to understand why i hate it so much. i love my body for what it does for me, because it does so much despite the ways i abuse it. it takes me where i want to go, i am able-bodied and athletic and not physically ill. it flushes out the toxins i pump into it every day. but i still want to change it. and i wish i could accept myself the way i am- i really, *really* do- but right now, and for the foreseeable future, i *can't*. and i'm okay with that. but at the very least, asking myself these questions and giving myself these reminders helps me in the day-to-day. it helps me go to sleep knowing i can work even harder towards my fucked-up goals, and it gives me this tiny speck of hope that this little bit of positivity every time i look at myself may one day blossom into the motivation to recover. i didn't ask for this, but i may as well work with it.
[Help] My 4 yr old son died of cancer in January. I have been reverting back to old anorexic habits and also drinking at night just so I can sleep. I'm dropping weight like crazy which feels great and like it gives me some control over my world. The more weight I lose, the more bearable life becomes.
/u/FancyForager
Created: Tue Oct 2 19:23:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kwnoy/my_4_yr_old_son_died_of_cancer_in_january_i_have/
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Post your fav workouts!
/u/meafy--
Created: Tue Oct 2 19:20:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kwmyf/post_your_fav_workouts/
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As everyone knows, working out sucks. But if you have that one routine that you could do for hours and be happy about it, you should post it here :)
Mine is that "1000 calorie workout" even tho its not *actually* 1000 calories
* 50 jumping jacks
* 2:00 running in place
* 15 pushups
* 2:00 running in place
* 40 squats
* 1:00 running in place
* 25 jumoing jacks
* 1:00 running in place
* 10 pushups
* 1:00 running in place
* 20 squats
* 1:00 running in place
* 1:00 plank
* 1:00 mountain climbera
I have frozen fries in the fridge taunting me.
/u/CorrithLavellan [6'0" | 181.8 lb | 24.66/23.70 | -19.4 | 21F]
Created: Tue Oct 2 19:04:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kwin3/i_have_frozen_fries_in_the_fridge_taunting_me/
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I want to cook them really bad. I'm not going to, but I want to.
Im having the worst day I've had in a long time.
I woke up to my cat heaving in my bed. Managed to throw her off before she ruined my comforter, but still had to clean up a nice pile of bile on the floor. Thats not before I stepped in it after I went to the bathroom in the morning and went to get the cleaner though.
30 minutes later I figured out its not my boyfriend's shoes that were making the closet reek but my asshole of a cat decided to make a box with my mail and plastic bags his new litter box. Everything in the box was covered in piss and shit. I had to throw out everything. My parents letters and notes I was keeping, bank statements, EVERYTHING.
Had a lab practical for microbiology. Went to one of the stations. Which was probably the easiest one: focus on the microorganism. I found what i thought was yeast or red blood cells. My professor said he couldnt see anything so I refocused on what i thought it was to make it clearer. He then told me it was not the organism but the cover slide, marked an x on my paper, and focused on the actual organism. I felt like the biggest fucking dumbbass. I lost like 12 points from my exam because Im literally fucking dumb as a rock.
Then 12 hours later the vomit cat from the morning shit on the bathroom floor. Right next to the litter box.
The litter box is clean. I clean it daily. So now I'm just convinced she saw me have a mental breakdown after I failed my microbiology final and decided to literally shit on my mood :-)
My boyfriend is away on a cruise without me. He relapsed on his cigarette smoking and is just drinking all day long having a blast in South America. I cant talk to him because he doesnt have wifi. I just saw him smoking and drinking and gambling because the sister of the guy he's with posted a snapchat story.
Im so mad at everyone. I just want to eat my feelings. But I wont. I will take my laxatives and be satisfied with my small dinner and do my homework and then go to bed. I will wake up lighter. And that will make me happy since everything else in my life makes me want to fucking kill myself.
[Discussion] 🍑 New Peach thread! 🍑
/u/thisgirlneedscontrol [6'0| CW : too high| -0 |BMI: 33.9 | gf + vegan| Gender: F]
Created: Tue Oct 2 18:51:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kwf8w/new_peach_thread/
---
I've been looking for new friends to add on Peach! This was one of my favorite things about the proEd community.
We can laugh, cry, and like each other's posts about calories, our lives, and anything else.
This is a wonderful, private way to talk about your ED in a space where no one will judge.
My user is thisgirlneedscontrol!
Please put your username below so we can add each other and let the fun ! :-)
Osteopenia
/u/tiflis
Created: Tue Oct 2 18:50:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kwf4c/osteopenia/
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This is pretty dark, but I just saw this study about a new drug that can help prevent bone fractures for people with osteopenia and it's got me feeling all kinds of ways. On the one hand it's really comforting, since I've been diagnosed with osteopenia when I was at my LW and I have yet to weight restore. On the other, it's brutal knowing I've gotten myself to this point. Where I have a bone condition so bad they're developing drugs for it. For elderly people, at that.
[https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2018/10/01/652617693/wider-use-of-osteoporosis-drug-could-prevent-bone-fractures-in-more-elderly-wome](https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2018/10/01/652617693/wider-use-of-osteoporosis-drug-could-prevent-bone-fractures-in-more-elderly-wome)
[Help] I was doing so good last week, what happened?
/u/AeronauticalSalad
Created: Tue Oct 2 18:46:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kwdzc/i_was_doing_so_good_last_week_what_happened/
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I wasn’t going over 500 a day, hunger was minimal, and I lost 10 lbs- mostly water weight, but still satisfying to watch the scale drop. This week my self control is complete shit. Please send me good vibes and motivation because I hate hate hate this.
[Rant/Rave] I’m so tired (slight tw)
/u/bigbeyoncefan
Created: Tue Oct 2 18:37:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kwbo3/im_so_tired_slight_tw/
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I am just soooo beyond tired of being this fat and I know I’m not that big it’s just the body dysmorphia 🤪 but Jesus Christ if I could change only one thing it’d be my stomach it’s so big and bloated and I don’t think it’s ever been flat once in my life. I feel like almost the default “average” body has a flat stomach and everyone around me seems to have that and it’s driving me nuts I just want to be tinier and idk how much longer it’ll take it’s funny that I think my life will magically get better when I’m thin but it definitely won’t be worse. I binged almost all of September and I’m gonna be more strict with myself this month bc I absolutely need to be small as soon as possible
[Other] Thermos cause a pretty funny side effect... [TMI]
/u/zaniathin [5’3” | CW: 154 | -6 lbs | F | Relapsed Again]
Created: Tue Oct 2 18:27:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kw8yy/thermos_cause_a_pretty_funny_side_effect_tmi/
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Like the title says, my thermogenic I take causes a pretty funny side effect.
It’s not something good per say but I’ve been thinking about adding on laxatives again to my routine.
Turns out I don’t have to because my thermos cause some pretty crazy diarrhea when combined with coffee.
Can’t get pizza out of my head
/u/Annual_Corgi
Created: Tue Oct 2 18:09:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kw3w5/cant_get_pizza_out_of_my_head/
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So I’m driving over to little ceasars and binging on a pepperoni pizza even though I just ate dinner... *sigh*
Anybody else have obessessive-like cravings that don’t disappear unless you indulge them?
[Discussion] Diet food and cancer
/u/lowfatavocado [5'6.5'' | cw117 | bmi18.6 | gw 110 | F23]
Created: Tue Oct 2 18:00:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kw1oy/diet_food_and_cancer/
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Hi everybody. For most of my life I've been drawn to the sugar free, calorie free drinks and foods. As we know artificial sweeteners aren't good for our health. Growing up I knew this and didn't care because welp, rather die than be fat right? No. That was my disorder thinking. Now, I love life, I think it's beautiful. I don't want to die. I still have an ED but I try to be as healthy as possible. Now I'm consciously turning down calorie free sugar free items in fear of getting cancer ya know? And when I do make the exception I just feel bad Ingesting it.
Side note: I also carry a jar of stevia with me everywhere I go, JUST IN CASE! I feel stevia is at least a little better.
I just want to know if anyone else feels this way? Is afraid of the zero cal sugar free lifestyle but also addicted to it?
Not trying to offend anyone who loves their low cal sugar free items! Love you all!
Thanks,
A scared human
[Rant/Rave] Sometimes I am pretty good at tricking myself into believing everything is ok
/u/m155fit
Created: Tue Oct 2 17:51:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kvzaz/sometimes_i_am_pretty_good_at_tricking_myself/
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So I feel as though I’ve gotten pretty good at believing that I’m better. That I’ve beaten my ED. My relationship with food is decent, I’m working out on a consistent basis and I feel happier with my appearance than I have in years. But the thing is, I have binge eating disorder. And every time things are going well and I get closer to my goal, I self-sabotage. I had a mini meltdown today because I thought I was going to have to work late and miss my workout. So I stress ate all of the protein bars in my desk. And then several sleeves of crackers. Depression settled over me like a blanket. I was right back where I was all those years ago. Or at least that’s how it felt. I’m just as fucked up as I ever was. I still cannot have a healthy relationship with food. And now I feel too depressed to go workout. I’m already over 2000 calories for my day and my Fitbit says I’ve only burned 1300. I just feel so defeated. Like I could never burn it off now so what’s the point. And now I have to walk into my house and face my boyfriend. And he’s gonna want to eat dinner so I’m probably going to feel pressured to eat more and since I’m depressed I’ll probably just binge out some more. Logically, I know this is the worst thing I could possibly do. But I don’t know how to talk to him about it. He tries his best to understand but he just can’t. He’s naturally slender and has never had to struggle with his weight. He supports me but he doesn’t get it. It feels like no one does. No one can. I just feel so defeated and I have no one to talk to. Sorry about the emotional vomit.
[Goal] I need to lose 20 lbs before my high school reunion!
/u/FeatherMahogany59
Created: Tue Oct 2 17:51:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kvz9v/i_need_to_lose_20_lbs_before_my_high_school/
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Send me good vibes! Need to get down close to my high school weight before my high school (5 year) reunion thanksgiving weekend.
I appreciate any advice!
[Tip] THE CURE FOR uhhh being blocked up
/u/nintentions [5’3 | CW: 112.4 | BMI: 19.9 ]
Created: Tue Oct 2 17:49:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kvysk/the_cure_for_uhhh_being_blocked_up/
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lemon water, double shot espresso and two ciggies. oh my LORD it gets things moving!! it’s my daily morning routine, and most of the time it clears me right out after 30 mins or so. obviously i don’t recommend starting to smoke if you don’t, but for you smokers i seriously think you should try it. what’s your morning routine?
can any of you guys post progress pics?
/u/delightism
Created: Tue Oct 2 17:43:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kvwws/can_any_of_you_guys_post_progress_pics/
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i love seeing progress pics and if any of you guys are down to upload your own or a link to progress pics that inspire yalll then please do!! :)
[Discussion] DAE like to watch people eat a fuckton of calories to feel better abt themselves?
/u/obviouslynotjackie
Created: Tue Oct 2 17:16:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kvpg3/dae_like_to_watch_people_eat_a_fuckton_of/
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I know this has been posted before but goddamn, I really LOVE it even though it’s kinda fucked up lol
I love watching asmr/mukbangs of people eating entire pizzas, donuts, any greasy fast food and then looking up the calories in everything and adding it all up 😩 especially when I’m starvingggg!
Pls tell me some of y’all do this too lmao
IM IN SO MUCH PAIN
/u/theplushbus [5'6" | CW: 98 GW: 107 | -34 | 19♀]
Created: Tue Oct 2 17:10:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kvnnw/im_in_so_much_pain/
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Oh sweet jesus unholy FUCK. So I binged, details don't matter. Now when I do this, I eat a LOT, and it practically comes out of me without any effort cuz of the pressure inside me. But right now, I can;t purge. I don't know why. Everything hurts so bad, there's tears coming out of my eyes. I weighed myself and im TEN POUNDS heavier than I normally am. I can't stand up without hunching way over. I'm in so much fucking pain and I can'tmove and my insides feel like theyre splitting and I can barely breathe whta do I do I need to get this food out of me I don;t even care about calories at this point I just hurt so bad
[Discussion] Beans tomatos and an egg
/u/BigFrameSkinnyAddict
Created: Tue Oct 2 17:05:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kvm9o/beans_tomatos_and_an_egg/
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This is all ive had to eat today and I choose this weird ass combination... I just love baked beans and tomatoes so much 😭 I need to get back on track so no more of whatever ive just made 😂
Easier to restrict on sweet foods vs savory foods?
/u/coconutoilmiracle
Created: Tue Oct 2 17:02:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kvlif/easier_to_restrict_on_sweet_foods_vs_savory_foods/
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Which category do you fall in? For me, I find it SO much easier to eat at a deficit when I’m mostly sticking to sweet foods rather than savory foods. I can easily overeat on things like pizza, fish & quinoa, teriyaki chicken with rice, sushi, chipotle bowls, etc (all relatively healthy things right?) but it’s very easy for me to eat a granola bar or protein bar with a can of soda and call it a meal.
The exception is when I’m about to start my period, in which case it doesn’t matter what I eat, I’m going to eat a ton of it and I’d rather eat a ton of savory foods
I trigger myself on purpose with TRP and MGTIW
/u/peacecorpsquestion3 [5’6 | 118]
Created: Tue Oct 2 17:02:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kvlgb/i_trigger_myself_on_purpose_with_trp_and_mgtiw/
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lol going on those subs just convinces me even more that I’m disgusting and worthless until I lose 15 lbs
Would sell my soul for a Skinny Gossip log in
/u/smokski
Created: Tue Oct 2 16:17:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kv8ib/would_sell_my_soul_for_a_skinny_gossip_log_in/
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My BMI will never be low enough to meet the requirements. Dammit.
Living alone and losing it
/u/CastleInTheAttic
Created: Tue Oct 2 16:13:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kv7jh/living_alone_and_losing_it/
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I always thought things would be better when I lived alone. I could keep trigger foods out of my apartment, I wouldn’t have roommates judging my eating habits, and I would have the space to cook healthy meals. I hoped that without any trigger foods in my apartment I would stop b/p-ing.
Well......that didn’t happen
I did manage to fill my apartment with safe food and only safe food. This means I b/p off of take out, chips from the corner store, or a whole box of doughnuts I took home from the office....:oh yeah.....it’s been bad.
Turns out, without the fear of housemates/parents judging me, I will b/p anything.
When I’m not caught in a cycle of binging and purging, I’m heavily restricting. And heavily drinking. I have a bottle of wine as an OMAD at least twice a month. Broccoli and beer has become my nightly dinner.
Before I had super judgey housemates. They would make snide comments on how much I drank, what weird shit I ate, and how often I had “food poisoning.” This forced me to act semi-normal around them.
Now I’ve moved across the country which means no housemates and no friends who notice that I’m losing it. Just me and my broccoli alone in this apartment in a new city.
I’m scared. I know I’m hurting myself. I know I’m pushing myself closer and closer to the deep end, which I can’t have right now because I just started a new job in my chosen field and am doing my best to un fuck my life.....
[Rant/Rave] I only lost 1 lb :'(
/u/skeletonsofawhale [5'2| 130| -55 | 18F]
Created: Tue Oct 2 16:12:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kv7by/i_only_lost_1_lb/
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Ok so I don't have a scale at home so I weigh myself once a week.
I only eat 200 cals a day and I work out 1-3 times a week + I walk A LOT. I should be losing 3 lbs a week but I only lost 1. I made sure to do all my little tuesday weighing rituals (wearing the exact same workout outfit, peeing before the weigh-in, etc) and I only lost a singular pound and now I feel like a failure.
I'd better see a 5-pound woosh next tuesday or I'm throwing a damn riot lmfao I work way too hard to see this 1 lb a week bullshit
PSA spread Halo Top on a rice cake
/u/alliebreanne
Created: Tue Oct 2 16:09:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kv6b9/psa_spread_halo_top_on_a_rice_cake/
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Maybe it’s the restriction speaking but OMG IT’S AMAZING. I did it just now with cinnamon roll halo top on a cinnamon toast rice cake. 100 cal, sweet and crunchy and perfect.
[Rant/Rave] I was asked to be a model today
/u/jewishtemptress
Created: Tue Oct 2 16:08:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kv60c/i_was_asked_to_be_a_model_today/
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I was walking around downtown, trying to walk off a mini-binge. A petite girl came up to me during one of my breaks and asked if I could be a model for her photography project sometime. She went as far as complimenting my body even though I *know* she’s thinner than me. I’m still trying to wrap my head around the idea of people actually liking my body despite me being nowhere near my ugw.
[Rant/Rave] Got my first comment and I’m thoroughly unsatisfied
/u/lilmdjd [5’3 | CW: 130 | BMI: 23 | LW: 94| - 17| 23F ]
Created: Tue Oct 2 16:02:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kv4d5/got_my_first_comment_and_im_thoroughly_unsatisfied/
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I usually wear really loose clothes to work (at first deliberately and now bc even my moderately fitted office wear have gotten looser) but today I wore a fitted black top and fitted pants. I was in the break room and a coworker asked me if I had lost weight. To which I responded “huh I don’t know, maybe I don’t keep track” and then she was like “oh maybe it’s because you’re wearing heels and you never wear heels” and for some reason that invalidated the whole compliment for me. As if because she wasn’t absolutely certain, it wasn’t good enough as a compliment.
I remember daydreaming about the first comment, now I got it and I feel nothing.
[Discussion] quest protein chips?
/u/3ghostly [5’3 | CW: 112.6 | GW: 110]
Created: Tue Oct 2 15:58:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kv2w9/quest_protein_chips/
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has anyone tried these? i bought a bag of bbq (the only flavor they had) because they were $.99 and they say they have 21g of protein — downside? 130 cal for the bag. tho it’s a decent sized bag. bigger than a snack bag of cheetos at least lol
i thought it was interesting because they were made with psyllium husk among other things. the protein blend is milk and whey “protein isolate,” whatever that is.
the MAIN reason why these caught my eye was because of a notice written on the back: “for weight reductions use only as directed with a prescribed diet plan. do not use in diets with less than 400 cal a day without supervision.” ive never EVER seen this on food before. is this something that is common on diet food/quest brand in particular?
i’m also just curious of what everyone else thinks of them. i think they tasted alright. a good substitute if it gives me all that fiber and keeps me full!! though i can imagine they’re hard to find — i got them at a discount grocer that rarely ever carries repeat items :(
Any other tall women out there?
/u/robreinerismydad
Created: Tue Oct 2 15:46:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kuzmi/any_other_tall_women_out_there/
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I’m 5’9, 177 pounds. Most of the measurements I see on here are for much shorter women. Do tall women with EDs exist? Sorry if this is weird, I just want to feel less alone.
[Other] Losing weight in my thighs and legs but not my arms??
/u/thirteencat [5'3" | CW:107 | GW: 95 | BMI: 19 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 2 15:44:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kuz1e/losing_weight_in_my_thighs_and_legs_but_not_my/
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I seriously don’t understand how my legs and waist are so unproportionally skinny to my arms?? My arms look the same as they did at my highest weight... and I literally have the body shape of a Dorito right now. Does this happen to anyone else when they lose weight??
[Rant/Rave] Coupes photo shoot
/u/lovleybones_
Created: Tue Oct 2 15:42:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kuycr/coupes_photo_shoot/
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Soooo.... I let my boyfriends step mom take couples photo of us finally. I have been saying no because I hate getting my picture taken by other people. For obvious reasons... welllllll I just got the photos back and I felt so beautiful. You could see my back rolls, and a double chin but my GOSH I felt gorgeous. I never thought I’d reach this point in my life. And I just wanted to share with someone :) recovery is hard as hell but I’m taking it one day and one meal at a time
[Discussion] Those who cook for themselves and a partner and/or children, how do you navigate that? Also, how do you navigate a partner cooking for you?
/u/dlilmmm
Created: Tue Oct 2 15:42:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kuybq/discussion_those_who_cook_for_themselves_and_a/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] still 110.
/u/itsyaboifranzi [5'0" | whale | -20 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 2 15:41:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kuy2y/still_110/
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ive lost all hope for it being water weight. i need to fix it all this month. i need to be beautiful but i cant fucking fast. i'm so fat i cant handle not eating. fuck my weight i hate this
[Rant/Rave] Vacation anxiety
/u/2worried2care [5'6" | CW 118.6 | BMI 19.1 | 26F]
Created: Tue Oct 2 15:39:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kuxh2/vacation_anxiety/
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I leave for California on Thursday (early) and I'm so anxious about the food/exercise situation while I'm there. Logically, I know I won't gain 25 lbs in 5 days but mentally I'm terrified. One night we're staying in an Air BnB so I won't have access to a gym but the rest of the time will be in a hotel, so I'm hoping that I'll have some time to go to the gym there. I just know my friend won't want to do that. I'm also hoping that I'll be walking around enough to burn some calories. I've also convinced my friend to go for a hike with me while we're out there so that would be good. I hate that I can't just enjoy my vacation but here I am.
Sidebar, I went to my doctor for the first time in a year and she talked to me about my weight and eating and offered to link me to a therapist in the office because I haven't been to a therapist in a few years. I always consider going back because I think it would be good for me but I don't think I'm ready yet? So I turned her down for now. I just don't think I'm sick enough for that right now, if that makes sense.
well dunkin iced lattes have now been fearlisted
/u/bhbubeepy [5'3" | CW: 125lbs | GW: 110 | 17F]
Created: Tue Oct 2 15:22:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kusch/well_dunkin_iced_lattes_have_now_been_fearlisted/
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Since forever I've thought that a medium iced latte was 170 cal, including flavored syrup. But now I'm seeing that it's somewhere more like 260-350 and I have no idea what to believe 🙃 Usually I don't even have full fear foods but I'm stupidly upset about this, I can't stop thinking about the times I drank them without knowing. Are there any dunkin employees who can actually explain what the calories are? I hate how both the dunkin and starbucks apps don't give the calories for specific orders, just a general one.
[Other] Diet Soda is A Sign. :))
/u/Belarie [5'4", 130, F :)]
Created: Tue Oct 2 15:20:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kurs3/diet_soda_is_a_sign/
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I just drank a diet soda willingly. It’s kind of like a sign that it’s getting bad. I stopped drinking soda a year ago. Before that I drank like 5 a day. I’m scared I’m going to do that again. Ugh.
[Rant/Rave] Cosmic messages
/u/justcallmeamess
Created: Tue Oct 2 15:16:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kuq7l/cosmic_messages/
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Yesterday I opened a Quest bar for lunch and it looked weird (like grey and fuzzy 🤮) so I checked the date and yup expired. Tossed it out. Today I bit into my apple at lunch and lo and behold, rotten to the core.
I think the universe is trying to say, “Are you /really/ going to eat that?”
mood
/u/biciklici
Created: Tue Oct 2 15:11:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kuouj/mood/
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https://i.redd.it/71e4u8vm8up11.jpg
Don't you love it when safe foods becomes unsafe in two seconds flat?
/u/plasTUSK [5'1" | CW: 105.4 | GW: 100 | 20.8 | 24F]
Created: Tue Oct 2 14:48:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kuhbr/dont_you_love_it_when_safe_foods_becomes_unsafe/
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I had a rough day. Well, it's been a culmination of rough days. I've been mostly good with my fasts though, actually logging in several 24 hour and even a 36 hour fast. The weight has been sliding off. I hit a new low today. I know 105 is not super low for most of y'all here, but for me, it's incredible and empowering.
But I'm depressed. It's time to just admit that to myself. And the inevitable depressed binge came with it that realization. I was *so good* with my apple and yogurt today for lunch. I actually felt full from that too. But in my drawer at work, I had Smashmallows. Why the heck did I even have those? I have been a vegetarian for over 10 years! They're not vegetarian, but they're so magically *~low calorie~* my ED brain had to buy them. Binged a near full bag of the cookie dough ones, and still had a full bag of the churro ones. They had to go into the trash bin before they made it into the "other" trash bin (aka my body). Those bags were like $4 each.
BUT IT DIDN'T END. Then I got home, fucking starving because of the damn sugar spike, and stuffed my face with two Fiber One cakes. I was going in for the third, and I just had throw them away. I threw away like $8 worth of Fiber One bars and oh god there are still like 5 of those TINY shits in my drawer at work.
I can't buy either of those things now. They're completely unsafe. The marshmallows **weren't even that good**. They were just sickeningly sweet and I swear that sugar set me off. Good riddance, I guess?
Looks like it's gonna be a 36 hour fast again (god I barely made it through the last one).
How about you folks? Any foods get their safe status revoked recently?
Anybody watched XX on Netflix?
/u/Call_me_Cassius [5'5" | CW: too high | GW: too low | -45lb | M21]
Created: Tue Oct 2 14:36:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kudjs/anybody_watched_xx_on_netflix/
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It's an anthology of horror stories centered around female protagonists and the first one speaks to me on every level. A mom and her kids are on a subway and her son peaks into a box that the man next to him has, and then he stops eating. Spoilers below.
The way the kid insists he's fine and not hungry while he's starving. The way he is outspoken about the fact that he isn't eating, correcting his parents when they assume he ate at school or has been sneaking snacks. That's me when I'm fasting. The way he whispers to his sister and dad and spreads it to them, makes them stop too, just makes me think of how I got started with fasting and disordered eating. The mom's anxiety dreams about her family eating her, being desperate for them to eat anything, feels like I'm watching myself when I'm in a restricting cycle and trying to talk myself into even just taking my meds and vitamins even though they have calories. The "if you don't eat you'll die" "so?" exchange he has with the doctor is, in my experience, a common attitude in ED circles that I don't see represented often. It all just really makes me think about how fucked up this all is.
But at the same time, the Christmas scene where they all try on sweaters that are too big is a huge goal. Seeing the dad, bony and emaciated, is a goal. Their effortless attitude to not eating, their complete revulsion to the concept of food, is a goal. The way it all brings the family together, how even though they're dying their lives are somehow improved. It all just inspires me at the same time as it scares me.
Mostly I love the way it takes the concept of nothing and makes it substantial. Nothing being a specific thing and not a lack of thing, you know? And the way it ties in with anxiety and desperation and hopelessness and not eating.
Idk, it's about 20 minutes long and from an ED perspective it speaks to me strongly, so I wanted to see if anyone else here has watched it!
[Other] Is anyone from NYC?
/u/PikachuQueen [5’4 | CW: 120lbs| BMI: 20| GW: 100lbs]
Created: Tue Oct 2 14:07:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ku4bf/is_anyone_from_nyc/
---
Guess I’m just looking for friends to have who understand the ED struggle. I was born and raised in brooklyn but live in the city (morningside heights) now. Just curious if anyone is from NYC and looking for a friend
[Discussion] DAE share their food?
/u/ThnksFrThMemeries
Created: Tue Oct 2 14:07:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ku44a/dae_share_their_food/
---
Like, I will log my snack/meal on my Fitbit app, but share it with my parents or fiancé. I was eating an apple (pink lady apples are the best imo) and gave my dad two slices, but I still logged it as a whole apple.
[Rant/Rave] I had a date yesterday
/u/idgaf417
Created: Tue Oct 2 14:07:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ku43z/i_had_a_date_yesterday/
---
Went on my first date since my last relationship ended (over 3 years ago). I’ve been feeling great, lowest weight I’ve been at since high school and felt super confident.
He didn’t think we had chemistry- the adult in me is happy that I wasn’t strung along. The fat adult in me is feeling depressed; can’t help but thing we’d have chemistry if I wasn’t such a fat ass.
Mood ruined and I’m a fat fuck again.
Posted from my bathroom
/u/xspacebunnyx
Created: Tue Oct 2 14:04:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ku35n/posted_from_my_bathroom/
---
Does anybody else ever purge and then look at it like “when the hell did I eat that???” I’ve been low/mid restricting for about a month and kinda went nuts and had a huge lunch, but when I went to get rid of it I immediately had a mild existential crisis because stuff came up that I had forgotten about😬
I wrote a thing
/u/lilmdjd [5’3 | CW: 130 | BMI: 23 | LW: 94| - 17| 23F ]
Created: Tue Oct 2 13:59:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ku1g4/i_wrote_a_thing/
---
It feels like every one of my thoughts and fears just wells up in me. They build from the bottom of my stomach and climb up the back of my throat, only to pour out of my mouth and land on some unsuspecting victim. Every drop of anxiety desperately clawing for dry land, something stable to hold onto. Waiting for the perfect words, a lighthouse glowing through the haze that has descended onto my reality. The words never come. I crash into the shore again and again.
It is like I experience life through eating-disordered colored glasses. Every event and comment filtered red by the same tired, terrified echoed thought. Am I good enough? Am I good enough? Am I good enough?
They tell me I need to climb out. Unravel myself from the fears that have permeated my mind, a wall of thorns and vines growing thick, engulfing my every thought. But they don’t understand that it is both the burn and the salve. It is my closest friend. My deepest secret. It is consistent and reliable. It is loyal, devastatingly loyal. Time and time again I look up only to realize I have fallen back in the depths, blinded by the gleam and shine , the lure of its empty promises.
I ask, my voice tired, my body weak, “when can I have myself back?” It says, “Soon. Soon. Just a little longer. Just hold on a little longer. We will be so happy together when we get there.” I look up, searching for the shoreline. There is no lighthouse.
[Rant/Rave] Beautiful people ruin my day
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 105-107 | UGW: 94 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 2 13:56:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ku0ta/beautiful_people_ruin_my_day/
---
So I had an hour break today for lunch and decided that instead of eating, I would go with my Diet Coke to the modern art museum. I was feeling pretty good about myself, look at me, being good at fasting and being all cultured, and having a really nice time. But then I saw this girl. And I think we’ve all had this experience where we see a person who seems beautiful and perfect and everything we wish we could be but aren’t... and my day was just completely and totally ruined. I left the museum and went back to work and I can’t stop thinking about her and how what this girl is is totally unattainable for me. And now I’m just so sad.
You guys inspired me to write something. I uses to love to write but haven't in a long time. Be gentle.
/u/SkinnyisSexy [5'7 |125lb|19.6|-23lb|F GW115]
Created: Tue Oct 2 13:55:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ku0f5/you_guys_inspired_me_to_write_something_i_uses_to/
---
Tall and lean and frail. Skin clung to the sharp edges of her bone. She felt powerful; a glass warrior. The chaos in her mind was saran wrapped shut with fictitious hopes of self control. She was a buoy in a whirlpool, infinitely drowning, then crashing to to the surface.
The others just saw a smile, a nod, a joke, a body, a lie. How could they know? How could they know the effortlessly carefree girl hancrafted her own world of inner pain? Nothing was inherently wrong, not now at least, happy job, happy lover, happy home, but a ruined mind-
How do you end the cycle? How do you stop the world from turning.... how do you stop the sun from setting to postpone the frightening darkness of night. Even in hours of health there were glimpses, as even at dawn you know the moon is so terribly near.
Perhaps she will learn to swim before her skin starts to wilt. Perhaps land is near ... but the weather isn't right, not yet. The moon clings tauntingly to the mid-sky and the wind churns the maelstrom.
Perfectly stretched, she felt the tug of resistance on her flesh. Collar bones nearly piercing through to the surface. Heart tight to her chest, playing an unfamiliar tune. Not yet though. Weak and withered the glass warrior carried on, hoping no stones were to be cast.
EC Stacking Alternative?
/u/tipsytoess
Created: Tue Oct 2 13:55:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ku088/ec_stacking_alternative/
---
For those who live in states/countries where ephedrines are illegal without a prescription, what do you take to get rid of the hunger?
[Rant/Rave] the universe is sending me signs i fucking swear
/u/lightningmcqueef69 [5'5.5" | 114.6lbs | 18.78 | 18 | enby 💛]
Created: Tue Oct 2 13:51:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ktz4q/the_universe_is_sending_me_signs_i_fucking_swear/
---
went to buy cigs and hot chocolate this morning before work but i couldn't find my ID and the machine only dispensed hot water so im taking that as a sign to
1) stop impulsively buying high cal food
2) quit smoking (just kidding i found my id and im buying cigs in like 10 mins bc if i don't smoke i'll binge :)))) )
on the bright side i saved some money bc ciggies are like $2 more at that store i was at but it's the only place that was open
[Rant/Rave] My manager subtly fat shames me?
/u/mcsweeniesweenies
Created: Tue Oct 2 13:47:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ktxtf/my_manager_subtly_fat_shames_me/
---
Mostly a rant, on mobile if it looks weird sorry
To begin with Id like to say I am still a bigger girl. I’m currently standing at 190lbs (reached one of my goal weights go me) but I started out at almost 300lbs so this is a new low for me and I’m actually kinda proud of myself. So I’m big but not as big as I was (went from size 22 to a size 16)
In all other aspects I really like my manager. I recently started this new job and she’s been incredibly patient with me. However, there have been a few instances that kind of stand out to me like “wtf?”
When I first started they gave me a pair of knee high rubber boots to work in. They didn’t fit around my calf’s well, which is a pretty common thing actually, when I mentioned having issues fitting into my boots she just rolled her eyes at me and told me to find someone to split the back of them in half and deal which I did. It’s not much of an issue anymore. That I kinda just shrugged at.
After that there was an instance where I needed to go to another side of the building to help them with finishing up their job. I was shown to the other side of the building where I met her and she was supposed to give me proper protection gear so that I didn’t get chemicals on my skin. She looked me up and down once and gave me a damn 4X lab coat and sent me on my fucking way without any other gear (which is a HUGE violation) I was pretty furious, not to mention that a size L is what I usually wear and was readily available, but I got over that.
Recently however, we’re getting team shirts at work and she was taking down sizes. She went around the table and most people said XL or L. Recently I went shopping and I realized that I do fit mostly into a size L now in shirts, I carry most of my weight in breasts and hips, she looked at me and asked what size I wanted and I said “write me down for a large” and she rolled her eyes at me and said “Are you sure about that?” WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN AM I GODDAMN SURE. I said “yeah I fit a large” and she laughed and said “okay fine I just know shirts shrink.” I told her to write me down for a xl then if it made her feel better. Because OBVIOUSLY she knows my body better than I fucking do. She did not once question anyone else in their sizes at ALL but she had to make a scene out of me saying I wanted a large in front of the entire room like what the fuck.
So yeah I’ll take the XL and when I get the shirt in three months I’ll be so tiny I won’t be able to fit it. Suck it.
[Rant/Rave] I FUCKING LOVE PROTEIN BARS
/u/dankluigi
Created: Tue Oct 2 13:37:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ktuhj/i_fucking_love_protein_bars/
---
What would I do without protein bars??? It’s been 2 days I’ve only ate 3 a day and nothing else (aside of coffee) AND I FEEL SO GOOD I have the energy to work out while getting 600 calories a day?!? FUCK YES also I have a tight budget so I bought a box (14 bars for $20) and I’m so happy I don’t have to spend anything else for this week (I’m thinking bout eating just 2 a day from now because they make me really full) anyways..... what brand do u guys buy?? I’m getting them Quest bars because I love the s’mores flavor:)
[Help] Apples...so many apples...
/u/BigFrameSkinnyAddict
Created: Tue Oct 2 13:33:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ktt3n/applesso_many_apples/
---
So uh my grandparents went to my aunt and uncles house in North Carolina and brought back a shit ton of apples and I need me some ideas/recipes on what to do with them
[Help] Coke Zero Gurus (so basically, most of you) please help! Which country's sell the 'disgusting one'?
/u/DenverTheLastDinosau
Created: Tue Oct 2 13:28:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ktrmb/coke_zero_gurus_so_basically_most_of_you_please/
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I couldn't think of a better title. Those of you who know, will know that there are like, two versions of Coke Zero. One is nice, one is gross and tastes like sweet carbonated water. I think in the UK we have always had the gross one, but now there's the switchover to the red cans with the black strip at top, I've heard all Coke Zero is turning to the 'good' one? Does anyone know if this is true, I've stopped myself buying it but now I'm seeing the red cans everywhere I kinda wanna get it because I have tried the 'nice' version before and it was good.
​
Sorry this is worded terribly, and some of you may be very confused, but I have seen this discussion on here before a few months back about the alternate cans and was wondering if any of you Coke Zero connoisseurs could answer my question.
​
Thanks!
[Rant/Rave] My boyfriend is in denial and my brother is bulimic.
/u/i_am_awful [175cm | CW: 199 | CGW: 180 | GW: 110 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 2 13:27:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ktrci/my_boyfriend_is_in_denial_and_my_brother_is/
---
Longtime lurker on this sub, here. I’m not quite sure how to start this post, so I guess I’ll just explain my boyfriend’s views on restricting. He doesn’t see any issue with it, because he’s restricted before without it being a disorder. It was just a casual skipping of a meal for him if he was getting ‘bloated’. Over months, he helped me keep down to my limit and I lost weight.
Eventually, I kinda lost it and apologized like crazy to him about it without really admitting to an ED- just that I was bordering on one. I started to eat more and recently, I was put on abilify for a short time and gained ten fucking pounds right off the bat. Now I’m back to restricting and I told him this. His response was ‘okay’ and ‘you’ll be fine regardless.’ I feel bad for being secretly upset but at the same time it’s not like I plan to stop restricting or admit fully to having a disorder.
Also, my brother recently admitted to being bulimic because I had pointed out certain markers to my mother- this is now making it so that my ED is just me taking on his problems. My therapist said that she thinks I’m going on an Easter egg hunt for other people’s issues and applying them to myself- however, I’ve been struggling with this for the past two years. It’s like my brother’s ED is overshadowing the slightest possibility in anyone’s mind that I might have a problem too- but because he’s skin and bones and I’m struggling to lose, it’s impossible for me to have an ED.
I feel like I’m faking, but I literally can barely swallow my food anymore.
[Other] Chipotle! And looking for a friend who gets it
/u/thenumberonemariho
Created: Tue Oct 2 13:27:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ktraf/chipotle_and_looking_for_a_friend_who_gets_it/
---
So two things.
1. I ate out at Chipotle today but still stayed under 700 cals for my whole day! Usually when my friends ask me out I feel disgusting but not now 😎
2. I’ve decided I’m in need of a person to talk to who actually understands EDs. It’s not like i can talk to any of irl friends about it bc they get weirded out and make everything uncomfortable. So if you’re interested... I’m a 20yo woman living in a city in the Midwest, currently in college. Much love!!
[Tip] Watermelon water?
/u/AugustusMarius [5'1 | 195 | 36.8 | -25 | M]
Created: Tue Oct 2 13:08:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ktl4h/watermelon_water/
---
Has anyone tried WTR MLN WTR? Apparently, Beyonce drinks this stuff. Maybe she's on to something because it's delicious. Looks like just cold pressed watermelon and lemon juice. It is 180 calories per bottle, but using it as a meal replacement today was pretty rad.
[Discussion] When is a thigh gap official?
/u/chezpajama [Height 5'9| CW 138.6 | BMI 20.6 | GW: 118 |🍑sweaterdove ]
Created: Tue Oct 2 13:07:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ktkv7/when_is_a_thigh_gap_official/
---
If I place my feet arch to arch and I don’t rotate my thighs / tuck my tailbone / lean forward, I have a thigh gap.
But I keep telling myself it has to still be there with thighs rotating towards each other or when I’m sitting back on my heels and squeezing my thighs like in chair pose.
I am pretty sure I’m insane and just making up excuses to motivate myself to lose more weight.
A thigh gap wasn’t even a goal of mine, but I guess I’m still happy to see something that’s a definitive weight loss mile marker.
[Discussion] Had anybody tried an egg mono????
/u/dreamedotcom
Created: Tue Oct 2 13:04:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ktjo3/had_anybody_tried_an_egg_mono/
---
I just love them so much, I’m sure I could eat them for breakfast lunch and dinner. Anybody tried? If so, how many eggs per day???
[Goal] Thigh high boots loose from last year :)
/u/kernalmustache [169cm ♀ | CW 105lbs | BMI 16.7 | SW 130lbs 🌸]
Created: Tue Oct 2 12:59:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kti7y/thigh_high_boots_loose_from_last_year/
---
So I have this pair of thigh high boots with a draw string to tighten them and I typically just tie them once and leave them like that. I haven't worn them in ages because it's been hot out cause, y'know, summer. Well now that the weather is getting cold again and since I just received a package in the mail with some autumn/winter clothes I ordered I wanted to try out some outfits with them. The strings were still tied super tight and yet when I pulled up the boots my thighs were about half as thick as the openings were tied to. I can't believe how much progress I made without even realizing! 😊
I don’t believe it
/u/lostinew
Created: Tue Oct 2 12:50:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ktf71/i_dont_believe_it/
---
I looked up on multiple sites...
A cup of broccoli is only around 50 calories????
And the same for Brussels sprouts????
I at a cup of each for lunch today and I’m stuffed which just makes me paranoid every site is lying.
[Other] This is the shit that keeps me awake at night
/u/NaejNire [5'9 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 2 12:44:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ktd5w/this_is_the_shit_that_keeps_me_awake_at_night/
---
https://youtu.be/hE2lna5Wxuo
so what's our plan to survive this winter?
/u/Appolinaris9
Created: Tue Oct 2 12:43:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ktcxn/so_whats_our_plan_to_survive_this_winter/
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I really really dread winter. I'm already freezing and it's still warm here. I can't live throught another winter crying because I'm so cold lol. What are some good ideas to feel warmer? I mostly mean long-term, so that you raise your core temperature or get used to cold weather (because I do have a heated blanket and a thousand layers of clothes and constantly hot drinks, but it's some kind of inner cold that can't be fought lol). I plan on upping my calories, but obviously not that much to stop losing..
[Help] Trying therapy again, any tips or recommendations??
/u/thingsarestranger [5’2” | CW:121 | GW1:115 | SW:160 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 2 12:40:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ktc1u/trying_therapy_again_any_tips_or_recommendations/
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So I’ve been to around 5 therapists in the last two years, some I stuck with for only one session others I went for months. I always request female counselors now because I realized the two I only went to one session with were both men. Never felt comfortable and didn’t feel like they understood. I want to go mainly for depression but also would like to deal with my body issues and disordered eating. Anyone had any success with therapy? What should I expect going into it? Anything you’d recommend for me or any tips? Just looking for people’s stories and perspectives on therapy in terms of mental health as well as ED’s. I struggle with depression and anxiety mostly but also have mild OCD. Not looking to recover fully but would like to at least not feel so overwhelmed and consumed by my eating.
[Rant/Rave] My psych doctor said BED wasnt really a disorder
/u/nickgalentine
Created: Tue Oct 2 12:37:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ktas8/my_psych_doctor_said_bed_wasnt_really_a_disorder/
---
Yall. My psychiatrist told me that binge eating disorder isn't really a disorder. I don't have anything else to add. I'm just annoyed because he wouldn't acknowledge that the eating disorders I have exist and he wouldn't try to treat them either. Wtf.
[Discussion] DAE feel cold all the time while restricting?
/u/almostdrunkkk [5'9 | 187 | 27.8 | -0 | M]
Created: Tue Oct 2 12:12:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kt2rf/dae_feel_cold_all_the_time_while_restricting/
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So I've been restricting and purging quite a bit recently after a 6 month shitty hiatus and have noticed something that I haven't before: I'm almost always cold??
I live in a tropical environment right know, where the temp is around 30 or 32C all the time, but at night when it dips to around 25C I start shivering and what not.
I haven't really lost that much weight yet, around 5kg, but man the cold is annoying.
Anyone else experience something similar?
[Rant/Rave] An amazing pizza party
/u/melithescrawny [5'1| CW 116 | GW 99 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 2 12:09:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kt1oe/an_amazing_pizza_party/
---
At this very moment, I'm sitting on my best friend's bed while he's eating a family size pizza from my favorite place. I'm on a water fast.
This is torture but I'm glad he's eating something since he never eats anything and I worry for him
While I'm writing this he's ushering me to order a pizza as well
oh heck
Do you ever really want to see a certain number on the scale and your body is like "lol no".
/u/ButterflyThin [66" | 174 | 28.20 | -76 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 2 12:06:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kt0np/do_you_ever_really_want_to_see_a_certain_number/
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I've been stuck at 177 forever and really wanted to see 175. I was 177 on Friday (my weigh in day) and 174 thismorning. While I am excited, I really wanted to see 175 :/ My brain was like "omg 174 that's higher!" for some stupid reason too.
[Rant/Rave] Ran into my ex, lost 15 pounds since i last saw him. Feels so good
/u/coffee-vanilla
Created: Tue Oct 2 12:01:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ksza5/ran_into_my_ex_lost_15_pounds_since_i_last_saw/
---
I broke up with him ~3 months ago and lost 15 pounds since then + started lifting weights and running. He came up to me (i just smiled at him and went on my way) and told me i looked really good and i could feel the tension between us lol. He was checking me out like it was the first time he saw me. Huge confident and motivation boost!
"Lost in the folds" a poem by Willow.
/u/Iamaloneanddepressed [5'9" / i dont know, a lot / too high/ not enough/ nonbinary/ ]
Created: Tue Oct 2 11:59:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ksyi5/lost_in_the_folds_a_poem_by_willow/
---
On mobile flair as rant or rave or art. I dont know I have been removed from this sub for a while. Lurking every now and then but pretty much just still as sick as I was.
Verticle lines drop to the floor. My mind a leaking IV. I lose my thoughts like socks on laundry day. The most sunny days to me all black and grey. I empty my guys with every step words in bondage to a mouth forever shut.
I cease to be a human form but several actors and actresses beneath a pile of fabric both tattered. Torn. Worn bright like an acid washed rainbow mascarading all the pain below. Lost in the threads without end but to my eyes they never began. I am.
Every plate is empty before it is filled. The wicked game I lose. My eyes consume pictures obsessively picking them apart wishing to be nourished just once without the loud voice. Abusing my self. Doubting the health. It is an atom bomb.
Stop.
Hands retreat in surrender. Cold and cracked skin hides beneath the blankets that for someone else would be clothes adorn for pleasure. Aesthetic. Anticlimactic . They are armour for sleep. To keep me inside. To hide and distort the harsh daggars of a lost reality beneath the sunken spirit of what was my youth.
Every gaze is from a stranger. Is it worry? Envy or disgust? I dont trust the picture anymore. I sink into the floor folding my hands beneath my sleeves. Relieved within my cotton cocoon. My iron maiden of soft sweet sorrow. It isnt about me. It is to listen. To feel something where there wasnt anything.
It kills me with every bite that brings me to life. The numbers rain from the sky
My realist is the truest lie...
[Intro] what up, i’m 19 and i never fucking learned how to eat normally
/u/galacticmarble
Created: Tue Oct 2 11:58:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ksy51/what_up_im_19_and_i_never_fucking_learned_how_to/
---
So i’ve been lurking here forever and just now decided that i’m gonna start posting because that helps me process things. My mom recovered from bulimia in high school and college, but still has a lot of weird habits and hang ups surrounding food, and recently got cool sculpting done for some belly fat (both of our number one body fears is belly fat). Tbh i can write a novel on how my mom’s food/drink habits screwed me up.
My dad is also extremely health conscious and is always on a new diet (right now it’s OMAD mostly vegan) and is very focused on weight loss. I honestly think that the main issue is that they tell me absolutely everything about their diet and exercise and weightloss/muscle building endeavors and it’s overwhelming. All of this health craziness led me to flip flop around to a lot of ways of eating and exercising and i just realized i truly never learned how to treat my body like a normal human
How *not* to get into my good books.
/u/eightstone [Height: 5ft 7 | CW: 8st 5lbs| BMI: 18.8 | Gender: F]
Created: Tue Oct 2 11:55:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ksx2t/how_not_to_get_into_my_good_books/
---
I went on a date with a guy and we were three drinks in and it was his round. He asked me what I wanted: "vodka diet coke, please".
"Right," he said, staring to walk away: "vodka coke".
"Vodka *diet* coke." I repeat.
"Oh, I'm probably not going to remember that." he replies nonchalantly.
"Please," I say, feeling panic creeping into my voice. "Regular coke is just disgusting to me."
He smirks, chuckles, and goes off to buy the drinks. I'm torn between following him to the bar to make sure he orders correctly and not wanting to seem disordered. Clearly this is not a relationship I will be pursuing.
[Help] Active Calorie Estimate Increased in Watch OS 5?
/u/SemicolonButterfly
Created: Tue Oct 2 11:21:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ksly0/active_calorie_estimate_increased_in_watch_os_5/
---
I use an Apple Watch Series 2 and last week I updated to Watch OS 5. I’ve noticed that the estimate of calories burned on my walks has increased significantly with the new OS (as much as 25% on my typical 3 mile loop).
Has anyone else observed something similar? I’ve googled a bit trying to find information on what was changed algorithmically and why, but Apple seems to be its usual inscrutable and secretive self.
My instinct is that the new calorie estimate is way too high, and while I always take the numbers with a grain of salt, this still really bothers me.
[Rant/Rave] Looking back on old body checks and realizing that you were still fat af even with a BMI of 17.5
/u/Bleepbloopbroke [65|CW 121.4|GW 110|UGW 84|20.44|]
Created: Tue Oct 2 11:10:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ksigp/looking_back_on_old_body_checks_and_realizing/
---
And then realizing you've gained since then and look even more like a disgusting blob. Please kill me
Normal people do this while preparing food, right? And then meticulously add it to MFP later?
/u/boxxfive [5'4" | CW: 114 | GW: 100 | -24]
Created: Tue Oct 2 11:10:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ksiei/normal_people_do_this_while_preparing_food_right/
---
https://i.redd.it/yaq6er6h1tp11.jpg
[Discussion] Does anyone else worry their diet drinks secretly have calories?
/u/Adamantyte
Created: Tue Oct 2 10:50:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ksbsd/does_anyone_else_worry_their_diet_drinks_secretly/
---
Sometimes my diet coke will taste sweeter than normal and I'll panic that maybe it's somehow not actually diet and stop drinking it
Other times only lately (especially when fasting but continuing to drink) I wonder/worry if the whole 0 calorie drinks thing is all BS and that I'm actually feeding my body liquid sugar and gaining weight
😩😩😩
It encourages me to drink more water I guess
[Help] Can I buy caffeine pills without being asked to show my ID or anything?
/u/anxthekitten [5’5.5 | 16F | SW 155lb | CW 141.6lb | UGW 110lb]
Created: Tue Oct 2 10:50:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ksbs0/can_i_buy_caffeine_pills_without_being_asked_to/
---
basically my dilemma. I hate coffee. I’m 17 so I’m not sure if I would be able to get caffeine pills then. And if I can, and do it through like self checkout at Walmart will it ask for an employee to verify or whatever, lol pls help and if you have any advice for this since i’m not going to be using bronkaid or any EC stack thanks 💜
sorry if this is a stupid question, couldn’t find anything anywhere specifically about this.
Fuck
/u/rottenmilkvomit
Created: Tue Oct 2 10:50:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ksbpp/fuck/
---
Tmw you find a safe food that you're comfortable eating but you end up getting too comfortable with it and you binge on it and it turns into a hate food..
[Discussion] Dreaming to be tiny so he can pick me up
/u/Shewantstolive
Created: Tue Oct 2 10:46:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ksad4/dreaming_to_be_tiny_so_he_can_pick_me_up/
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I have these dreams where I’m finally at my goal weight and my husband picks me up and carries me around with ease and twirls me and we laugh and kiss and I feel dainty and loved. And then I wake up. I’ve always wanted him to pick me up , to carry me around but I’m sure he’ll never do that as long as I remain this chubby mess of a beast. How can he? I’ll surely break his back . I can barely manage sitting on his lap without fearing I’m crushing him with my disgusting flabby body. I know he loves me tho, and I love and adore him tremendously . Like maybe too much for him some days idk . I adore him like when we first started dating ten years ago. He’s an amazing human being , he truly amazes me everyday. I want to be a perfect ten for him. I want to grow old together with him. I want to be outwardly What he’s never had . His dream girl what he’s most attracted to . And honestly he deserves a woman that is dainty and small with tiny boobs which is everything I’m not but is everything I will become if it’s the last thing I do and then he’ll be able to pick me up because he wants to and make my silly dream come true.
Just made Starbucks worker make me a new drink
/u/idk194
Created: Tue Oct 2 10:42:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ks946/just_made_starbucks_worker_make_me_a_new_drink/
---
Because she added sugar to my iced tea- while I proceeded to order a blueberry muffin... WHY AM I LIKE THIS
With Thanksgiving this weekend, what are some of the lower-cal holiday dishes? [help]
/u/pumpkinchailatte [5'2 | CW 123 | GW 110 | -32]
Created: Tue Oct 2 10:33:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ks6e3/with_thanksgiving_this_weekend_what_are_some_of/
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I'm not super strict on calories *every* single day... the occasional TDEE day is fine, as long as it doesn't become routine.
But Thanksgiving... every dish I can think of is pure butter. I'm planning to indulge a bit - but what substitutions can I make to feel better about it? Is there any way to eat a typical serving without it being a million calories?
[Rant/Rave] Happy and sad and stressed...
/u/bulafilly_squad
Created: Tue Oct 2 10:30:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ks59p/happy_and_sad_and_stressed/
---
So basically I’ve lost about 6lbs over the last two weeks and although you can’t tell by looking, it makes me feel happier that I’m closer to my goal so yay! But any time I wanna show off about it, literally no one cares and it’s really triggering. I told my mum and she was just like ‘oh. Well done.’ Completely deadpan but like surely 6lbs in 2 weeks isn’t a normal amount of weight loss, it’s actually a lot quicker?!? There’s a part of me that really wants her to notice what’s going on but I also really don’t want her stopping me doing this, kinda sucks. When we go food shopping I might point out some item of food thinking I could have it as a treat like once a month, she just goes like ‘that’s so bad for you we shouldn’t be buying that’ and makes me feel shit and enabling my ED but then she’ll cook a dinner that’s been covered in olive oil and it’s 15% fat beef mince?! And her portion sizes will be massive, so like I won’t be allowed to buy a bag of 120kcal crisps but if I don’t eat enough food for 2 at dinner time then it’s a worry? I honestly don’t get how her mind works but it makes me mega anxious around food. I don’t even know if this whole rant makes sense, my brain isn’t working today 😅
[Rant/Rave] Someone at work said I need a XXS shirt!
/u/rotting_the_crown
Created: Tue Oct 2 10:19:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ks1v7/someone_at_work_said_i_need_a_xxs_shirt/
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So I mentioned to this girl yesterday that I love tie dye and her tie dye shirt, and she was sitting in the same office with my friend. Today my friend mentioned that the girl wanted to make me a shirt, but said I would need like an extra extra small! It’s kind of ridiculous because I’m 5’5 130 lb, and wear a unisex small, but hey I’ll take it!
How to deal with thanksgiving
/u/throwawayluckybamboo [5'4" | CW: 145.2 | GW: 125 | LW: 115 | UGW: 105]
Created: Tue Oct 2 10:04:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9krwxe/how_to_deal_with_thanksgiving/
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It's Canadian thanksgiving this weekend. On one hand I'm excited because my husband and I are hosting and I'm super excited (it's only my mom and brother, but still!) because I love cooking. On the other hand I'm so stressed because I've had 1.5 weeks binge free (sad, I know) and feel in control again, but I feel like I won't be able to stop a binge on Sunday (when we host) and then it's my brothers birthday on Monday. I'm worried of ending back down a rabbit hole of binge eating. The same thing happened last Easter when we hosted. I want to enjoy but no matter what I do I know I'll be unhappy. If I eat too much, I'll feel like I ruined my diet, and if I eat a small or even moderate amount, I'll feel like I didn't enjoy time with my husband and family. I wish I could just eat like a normal person...
[Help] Vitamins that help with restricting?
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 95 | 17 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Tue Oct 2 09:45:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9krqvm/vitamins_that_help_with_restricting/
---
Hey loves ❤️ I hope you’re all enjoying the beautiful fall weather. I woke up optimistic today. I’ve discovered that protein bars (the ones that are like ~200 calories and taste horrible?) are the key to my restricting. They fill me up, I can eat a little piece throughout the day when I’m hungry and they don’t tempt me to binge on more because they taste so awful - lol 🙈 I recently found one that’s 170 calories, 20 grams protein and over 110% your DV of fibre - so it’s pretty much a miracle bar in fake ginger cookie form.
my question is - are there certain vitamins you guys take that you find help curb your appetite? Or turn the small amounts of food into energy in a more effective way? I’m currently taking a women’s multivitamin, b12 and b1 (drunkorexic checking in....) any suggestions are v appreciated :)
[Rant/Rave] Thank the proEd gods for iced coffee
/u/coffeecreamer06
Created: Tue Oct 2 09:42:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9krq3q/thank_the_proed_gods_for_iced_coffee/
---
Giiiiirl/duuuude, idk where I've been all my life without it. It helps curb my appetite and it's good AF with 0 to 10 cals per huge mason jar cup. I originally saw the recipe on Emma Chamberlain's channel so credits to her but omg yasss .
Apologies as this comes off super annoying but I'm so excited. This is a win for me. Lol
[Other] I got locked out of my other account months ago...and now I'm back.
/u/thisgirlneedscontrol
Created: Tue Oct 2 09:26:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9krl27/i_got_locked_out_of_my_other_account_months/
---
I made so many wonderful friends on this sub and the app Peach, and I'm looking for that same kind of community again. (I used to be girlmeetscontrol).
I'm also ready to commit to losing weight, and not worrying about getting caught! I live alone now, so this process is going to be the best it's ever been. I have been out of the game for about 6 months now due to others finding out and a slope into a hopeless depression.
I am very embarrassed about my CW, but I'm planning on spending the day browsing and thinking on how I can start fresh with the food in my house.
Hello to all of you!
I can't wait to make new friends. <3
[Other] read this comment in r/fatlogic and realized half my bw is 57lbs which... i still can't lift lmao
/u/lightningmcqueef69 [5'5.5" | 114.6lbs | 18.78 | 18 | enby 💛]
Created: Tue Oct 2 09:26:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9krkws/read_this_comment_in_rfatlogic_and_realized_half/
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https://i.redd.it/hcy1sdqxisp11.png
me this morning: iM gOiNg tO eAt iNtUiTiVelY
/u/lightningmcqueef69 [5'5.5" | 114.6lbs | 18.78 | 18 | enby 💛]
Created: Tue Oct 2 09:22:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9krjwk/me_this_morning_im_going_to_eat_intuitively/
---
me after eating a single 'normal' meal without knowing the calories: *fuck go back*
i couldn't even finish it!! i made myself stop bc i was full, like a normal person! and noW! im going to punish myself in the gym!
[Discussion] DAE find they look more sick?
/u/ghostsportclub
Created: Tue Oct 2 09:07:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9krevs/dae_find_they_look_more_sick/
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Besides the obvious fact I’m suffering with a restrictive ED and obviously am sick lmao.
Looking in the mirror today I just noticed I look really ill - pale and dark bags. I looked fine all summer bc I had adequate sleep, but now uni has started and I’m up for 9am lectures I have purple bags and look slightly dead. I started this shit at 125lbs, I’m now roughly 113lbs and that’s been over like a year and a half, not like a crazy rash deterioration; yet I still look like a zombie, but not in the frail fragile way unfortunately.
Does anyone else find this? Bc I’m fed up of looking undead and this bitch is too lazy to wear makeup ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
[Rant/Rave] Doctor Didn’t Comment
/u/_Pulltab_ [5'7"| CW 160| 25.1| WL 37 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 2 09:04:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kre5v/doctor_didnt_comment/
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I’ve lost 30 pounds in the past year since I was in to see the doctor last (it’s actually 37 pounds since this June, but he doesn’t know that).
Straight up didn’t say shit about my weight loss. Granted, I’m still technically overweight by a couple of pounds but not a fucking word.
Guess I’ll be working even harder.
How the FUCK do you exercise while restricting
/u/YouSmellOfButterfly [5'3" | CW 147 lbs| HW 155 lbs| GW 125 lbs| F | Vegan]
Created: Tue Oct 2 08:57:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9krbsp/how_the_fuck_do_you_exercise_while_restricting/
---
even just walking from my car to class I'm fucking dying. Sweating, out of breath, head hurts, back hurts. A 10 minute walk and I'm ready for a nap.
How the fuck do you do this? I need to burn more calories, I just sit around and do nothing all day.
[Rant/Rave] Relieved
/u/ilikepizza6665
Created: Tue Oct 2 08:52:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9krab6/relieved/
---
My goal was to be 115 lbs by Thanksgiving as I’m going away on a holiday with my boyfriend. I’ve been avoiding the scale for days now because I binged this weekend but I figured the higher number would give me some motivation. Turns out my weight was lower than I anticipated at 122.8 and even lower than the last time I weighed myself which was 123.4. Holy shit I’m so excited.
The only thing I can seem to control in my life is my weight and even that is stalling
/u/throwaway-threat
Created: Tue Oct 2 08:45:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kr874/the_only_thing_i_can_seem_to_control_in_my_life/
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Got up the courage to ask a guy out for coffee and got a wishy washy response back.
Under immense pressure to turn my failing PhD around ASAP.
Nothing I do works anymore. Was losing weight steadily on 1500 calories with plenty of excercise but lately it's been all stalling weeks. My headspace is so poor that all I want to do is excercise more and restruct harder to prove that there is something I alone get to control outcome wise.
Anemic with ED?
/u/lexielou48 [5"9 | 114 | BMI 16| ]
Created: Tue Oct 2 08:41:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kr6wl/anemic_with_ed/
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Does anemia promote weight gain? I am anemic and seeing a lot of stuff rn online about how people with anemia and iron deficiencies gain weight. I always thought it was the other way around and now I'm freaked out
[Discussion] Finding the food plan that works for you
/u/dlilmmm
Created: Tue Oct 2 08:37:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kr5u2/discussion_finding_the_food_plan_that_works_for/
---
I really liked /u/rachagainstlemachine 's post about their high protein/high carb/low fat food plan and it got me thinking - what food plans do y'all follow that make you feel good and also support your goals?
For me and my work as a baker, I have coffee and a slice of toast with a smear of avocado and a fried egg, and that gets me through my 8 hour shift until dinner (although I have to taste batter during that shift so I log an overestimate of snacks for lunch). Then dinner is usually a high protein, high vegetable meal. For exercise, I get a good arm workout kneeding dough all day and then i go to the rock climbing gym in the evening, then I do half an hour on the stationary bike when I get home. I clock in at ~1000 kcal per day, not including exercise. I feel good, both that i am under my calorie goal and restricting, but still feel enough energy to get through the day (and maybe even have a drink after dinner).
So what are you trying, what works for you, or what hasn't worked for you?
[Rant/Rave] My friend told me I've been looking great lately
/u/LynCross [152.5cm | BMI: 26.6 | CW: 137lbs | GW: 110 lbs| UGW: 100 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Oct 2 08:31:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kr3zi/my_friend_told_me_ive_been_looking_great_lately/
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She told me I'm blooming like a flower, either I'm in love or losing weight. I wish I was losing weight but I've just been eating the minimum for the past 3 days.
It looks like it's working tho 💖💖
Just found Enlightened where i live so i can finally see what yall are talking about..
/u/bashytr0n [5'2"|90lbs|17.1| GW 40kg/88lbs | LW 35kg/77lbs]
Created: Tue Oct 2 08:30:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kr3ja/just_found_enlightened_where_i_live_so_i_can/
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...and its friggen delicious! I bought the red velv and cookies and cream flavours and i can definitely see why they get so much positive attention. They are comparable to actual ice cream. Speaking of comparable-to-real, the quest hero bars are bomb as well. A protein bar that tastes like a rice krispie treat and is only 180 cals.. sign me the fuck up. So grateful for these amazing treats!
[Discussion] Health screenings today, I already know my stats, thanks lol
/u/7M7j7KGMM8uuwNnW [5'3" | CW 149lb | GW 120lb | BMI 27 | -20lb | F]
Created: Tue Oct 2 08:19:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kr0kc/health_screenings_today_i_already_know_my_stats/
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Work health screenings today (optional), they took blood and did my height/weight/waist. I had to fast 12hrs before.
My coworkers in line were grumpy about being hungry, I’m all smug bc this is normal to me... chill out, drama queens.
Nurse: “Are you fasting?”
Bitch please, 12 hours is default. I’m always fasting.
I kept my mouth shut as the nurse read what she wrote. I’m obsessed with my weight, I already know AND I’m down another pound! Write that shit down!
I don’t often feel smug about my habits but today I felt so superior to everyone haha
My dad knows that I love to cook, so he gave me a bunch of cooking supplies for my birthday..
/u/taikutsuu [5'9'' | cw: 119, -33 | 17.2 bmi | gw: 105 | 18f]
Created: Tue Oct 2 08:06:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kqwff/my_dad_knows_that_i_love_to_cook_so_he_gave_me_a/
---
It was package after package of cooking supplies. An iron steel pan to make brownies, a variety of asian oils, some extra plates and bowls, a bit more.
For a bit of context, my dad has a very narcissistic personality and growing up with him was very rough. He fueled my depression and anxiety, disrespected my privacy and fueled my eating disorder (I made a post about that a while back). He just took what his mum did to him and repeated it with me and my siblings.
After moving out, we sat down recently and I explained to him what he was doing to me, to us, and ever since, he has been trying to be better. Because, he legitimately didn't see how much he was hurting us. Not the narcissistic "I'll be nice to punch you again after" kind of better, he's been super supportive, he helped me arrange my birthday party on saturday, he spent a lot of money on drinks and food, spent two days preparing broths and soups and a family brunch and everything. He didn't yell at me at all in the two days I was there. Not once did he say something rude, and that usually was an hourly thing. He's really trying.
In the past, his gifts were always really.. careless? Like, he would gift me stuff he knew I wasn't interested in, I didn't get anything for my 18th birthday, and so on. Not to sound unthankful, but he had the means to put effort into making great gifts and just didn't care.
Now, he does. He went to a bunch of different stores to assemble all the gifts. He's a great cook, I learned cooking from him, and he looked at my favourite dishes and spices, thought about what to do with them, and gifted me things that would fit these dishes, stuff I can use to mix up flavours, all that. He even gave me some ideas for some dishes after.
So, I'm sitting there unpacking, and all I see is calories. Oils- calories. Chocolate- calories and big fear food. Big plates, big bowls. I felt like crying. I tried so hard to be excited, because they were great gifts, and he deserved a good reaction, because he put effort in. But I just didn't feel it. All I felt was disappointment in myself because I know I won't be using them.
I just needed to tell someone.
empty stomach nausea??
/u/totoro3333
Created: Tue Oct 2 07:50:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kqru9/empty_stomach_nausea/
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does anybody else get awful nausea when they dont eat? mine gets really bad to the point where i gag. because theres so little in my stomach usually nothing comes out but bile, but this morning i actually threw up. any solutions for this??
Mahjong app gets me
/u/ieateggs
Created: Tue Oct 2 07:44:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kqq0e/mahjong_app_gets_me/
---
https://i.redd.it/mm6r2rqp0sp11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] Forced to top restricting for weeks for medical reasons-- now I feel like dying
/u/impkidz [165cm ♡ CW: 114lbs ♡ GW: 90lbs ♡ BMI: 19.22 ♡ F(?)]
Created: Tue Oct 2 07:18:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kqiym/forced_to_top_restricting_for_weeks_for_medical/
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I've gained back everything I lost. I cant look in the mirror without sobbing. What happened to me? I was doing so well. I lost so much physical and mental progress all for 2 operations. Is not worth it. I was almost at my GW and now it feels miles away. I've never been so frustrated and hurt by myself.
Me hoping it stays cold while my parents are in town so I can bundle up and they won't notice how much weight I've lost
/u/DinosaursAndStarStuf [5'3.5 | 103.2 | 18.0 | 31F]
Created: Tue Oct 2 06:58:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kqddz/me_hoping_it_stays_cold_while_my_parents_are_in/
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https://imgur.com/OUJ4LHQ
High restriction success storys for girls 5'2 and under?
/u/Appolinaris9
Created: Tue Oct 2 06:54:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kqch6/high_restriction_success_storys_for_girls_52_and/
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I'd love to increase calories so prevent binges and be more productive and obsess less. I'm 5'2 and very inactive and after years of restricting, I always gain on over 1000 calories. I tried reverse dieting last summer and gained so much actual fat when I got to 1400 (where my TDEE should actually be).
Are there any other short, sedentary girls that have success with losing on higher restriction? If so, what's your calorie count? How did you get there? Any special eating style?
[Discussion] Lower and lower.. getting nervous
/u/ie63 [5'6 | CW:196 | GW:125 | -38 | F]
Created: Tue Oct 2 06:50:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kqbap/lower_and_lower_getting_nervous/
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5'6" female 24 195lbs started at 224lbs
My ED behaviors were just triggered a few weeks ago.. it started with okay only 1200 cal per day... then the guilt of eating that much started to set in and I began to purge... so i lowered the amount I ate to 1000... then 800... then 500... now im sitting here feeling guilty about eating 400 calories yesterday so im going to only have water until i have a small dinner tonight.
Im nervous, it just keeps getting worse to the point where i feel bad for drinking powerade zero because its not fucking water.... im still quite heavy and want this weight to go away quick.. it also doesnt help that my bf is actually 30 mins away and is busy with school so i only see him about once a week so I can do whatever I want to lose weight..
Just looking for support.. i also wanna know how low i can go without basically dealing with the bad side effects like hairloss so i can see how far i can push it without feeling the urge to purge..
[Rant/Rave] For once my problems aren't making my ED worse!
/u/Xelaalba [165cm | CW52.4kg | 19.2 | GW 50kg | F]
Created: Tue Oct 2 06:43:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kq9lf/for_once_my_problems_arent_making_my_ed_worse/
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Bit of background: i'm struggling to find a place to live, due to the housing crisis in my country. I've been searching for months now to no avail. I have to commute 2 hours every morning and evening to work. Shit sucks. But one upside of all of this is that my fear foods seem soooooo inconsequential now. "Oh, you're afraid of this bowl of pasta? You know what's scarier? Not finding a room to rent out for another few months and wasting all your wages and time on overpriced, mind-numbingly slow bus rides. Eat the fucking pasta" Carbs are literally the least of my concern right now.
So, I'm making progress! A few months ago I definitely would have restricted and used my ED as an escape from this sort of stuff, but I can't escape these problems - there's absolutely no comfort in restriction here, it just makes my days even longer, and makes my almost chronic sleep deprivation even more awful to deal with. So fuck that. I'm tired. I'm going to eat that bread, peanut butter, and pasta, if i WANT TO, because it's fuel for my body, which i NEED in order to not feel even more shitty in this situation. I'm a pro at making my life miserable but it's time for me to stop making things even harder for myself. Today I had a bagel (FEAR FOOD) with lots of PB for breakfast and I don't give a SHIT - it was delicious and satisfying and I'm sick too so I needed it. I'm gonna be okay.
Thinspo Tuesday October 02, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Oct 2 06:09:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kq198/thinspo_tuesday_october_02_2018/
---
Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to post pictures of anything that inspires or you find to be something "motivating".
**Please note that we are not using this post to glorify or glamorize eating disorders. Anything that is not clearly from a professional photo shoot or is "bonespo" (extremely thin to the point of being skeletal) will be removed.** Selfies, bodychecks, or OOTD posts will also be removed as they belong in the Friday sticky thread.
*****
Thinspo threads are posted every Tuesday.
Have any questions or concerns? Looking for self-care and beauty tips? Comment below, or [PM the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED) and feel free to take your self-care/beauty needs to the "Stupid Questions Saturday" weekly thread!
Daily Food Diary! October 02, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Oct 2 06:09:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kq18b/daily_food_diary_october_02_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for October 02, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
Is it uncommon that I don't care much about thinspo?
/u/thrway01010 [5'11 | BMI: 22 | 26F ]
Created: Tue Oct 2 06:07:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kq0pi/is_it_uncommon_that_i_dont_care_much_about_thinspo/
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Seeing incredibly beautiful, perfectly skinny girls with phenomenal proportions doesn't inspire me. I prefer to focus on making my own body as nice as possible. I know I can never look the way some girls look like (without extensive surgery which I'm not interested) so why bother looking at their bodies. I probably sound bitter (sorry!). I admit I regularly envy some girls, more so irl than online since I can see with my own eyes that they are gorgeous but online I feel like I can't know if someone really looks the way they present themselves online, maybe using photoshop or something. I don't want fantasy photos.
So the reason why I don't seek thinspo is partly because I'm trying to be realistic and partly because I'm trying to protect my fragile self esteem. I don't mean to offend anyone here, just interested to hear if anyone feels the same...?
[Help] Low calorie protein drinks?
/u/BigFrameSkinnyAddict
Created: Tue Oct 2 05:54:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kpxrw/low_calorie_protein_drinks/
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So my dad bought me these ensure shakes (he use to drink them when he was younger because he was underweight because he can't get through his head that I'm starving myself and I didn't gain his fast metabolism) and it sucks because theyre 240 calories for fucking 8 fl oz!!! That's all just sugar and corn syrup! But I'm going to drink them for a meal replacement for lunch (even if it adds calories to my day.... Cause I love my dad) but also my brothers drink them for breakfast so they should go by quick... Any ideas for low calorie protein drinks? Lol my mom told me "as long as you drink one of these or have a protein bar I wont worry about you!" Little does she know how little calories those things can be....
[Rant/Rave] TMI: !!!
/u/alienmickey
Created: Tue Oct 2 05:49:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kpwue/tmi/
---
i havent been able to sh*t for like a week and i think its bc i was using miralax almost excessively for like two weeks straight and now i cant get anything to actually move thru my body like its supposed to. I fucked up,i think. Its making me so anxious. I dont know what to do. Should i try excercising more? Drinking more water? Coffee isnt helping and im not gonna use more miralax. If you told me last year that id go from 90 lbs and atypical anorexic to 112 and bulimic i would have panicked but here i am lmao . and FUCK. I was five pounds from my ultimate goal weight. And now im 20 fucking 7. God.
Help me get through my wedding weekend and not hate myself
/u/lottieeeeee [5'4 | 52kg | F ]
Created: Tue Oct 2 05:34:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kptj5/help_me_get_through_my_wedding_weekend_and_not/
---
I think I need some support from people who understand. I'm an athlete and I am super careful about my food, eating basically \*just\* enough to keep me going. I'm a "healthy weight" but am around 12%bf (measured bio impedance), so pretty lean. I get hugely triggered by doing hard workouts and feeling hunger and needing to refuel, I feel like the world's biggest most disgusting pig having to eat. I can eat in public but I'm not super keen on it, and I don't like eating out because I'm not in control of the portion sizes/ingredients. I always think I over eat, but in reality I probably still eat less than most non-disordered people, even after already burning 1,000+ calories of exercise a day.
I'm getting married very soon. I really, really want to enjoy two meals: one fancy dinner with my family at a lovely restaurant, and then my own wedding lunch the next day. I don't want to end up in the toilets telling myself what a fat disgusting, greedy, revolting pig I am for eating "normally". I know I can workout hard the day before, but I'll be facing two days of no exercise which is awful for me. But I want to try to enjoy it, because it is my bloody wedding! Doeslyt help that my designer dress is super fitted. Freaking out already, help!
Fuck the last 6 months
/u/spiritanimalryuk [5'2 | CW 🐄 | HW 165+ | | 22F | GW1 115 | UGW2 100]
Created: Tue Oct 2 05:32:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kpt5e/fuck_the_last_6_months/
---
So, the last 6 months have been hella rough. For full details you can see my last post on my profile. But basically shit hit the fan leading to a large depressive episode which of course led to a ridiculous weight gain - 45+ pounds in 6 months. I really hate writing that out. I want to sob and give up. Well I did until recently, the switch has flicked and I need to fix this. I was only 3 pounds from my 1st GW, 18 from my 2nd GW.
October is going to be the month I need to kick it all off. My goal more or less is to fast the month of October and get back into going to the gym. 1 day in and I think ill be able to do this.
Fuck depression.
[Discussion] DAE sit there watching Supersize V Superskinny for hours on end? It saved me from a BP cycle.
/u/ryanhennessy91
Created: Tue Oct 2 05:21:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kpqvv/dae_sit_there_watching_supersize_v_superskinny/
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I've been watching for hours and I've seen all the episodes before.
I just love watching the show, I watch on in awe of the super skinny people and how they do it and wish I had their strength.
I was thankful for it as I was about to BP on some KFC however as I was driving into the shop I saw my gym and I remembered how long I spent there earlier today.
I then turned my car around and went back home, I'm quite happy with myself about doing that.
[Rant/Rave] want to disappear so bad
/u/harperNovaStrom
Created: Tue Oct 2 04:54:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kpl98/want_to_disappear_so_bad/
---
i want to like ghost on my whole life and just show up somewhere else with a new name and be a totally different person
i feel like the life i have now is so far from what i want
i really just want to be an adult and boring and have a simple job but im stuck in nyc with everyone ik sort of alienated from me and with a bunch of bad habits and illegitimate income sources
my boyfriend is my age but he’s not done being young and going out all the time and he still wants us to have roommates because we get a better apartment for cheaper
i keep finding myself wanting to go out to parties w him and then having a terrible time because i don’t give a shit about being cool anymore and social ladder climbing im just so sick of everyone being trash morally and i hate talking to people
taking antidepressants helps not feel existential dread but it also has other weird side effects that r just as bad.
i can never sleep and i have shit tons of anxiety and i have no real family
i feel super trapped in my life and super alone and i think that the only way i can escape it all is by evaporating but i don’t wanna die because i do enjoy things in life and the beauty of it all is really great i just don’t get to see the beauty from this perspective all too often
I'm underweight again
/u/Toamatoperson
Created: Tue Oct 2 04:49:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kpkhs/im_underweight_again/
---
I thought I was long past this. But weighing myself this morning, the numbers told me I'm underweight. And I felt SO happy and it's honestly motivating me to continue losing. When push comes to shove, starving feels strangely good.
Sorry, I guess I just needed to share with someone.
FitBit Records
/u/subarremos [5'3 | CW: 99 | GW: 88]
Created: Tue Oct 2 04:34:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kphgy/fitbit_records/
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For those who own a Fitbit: what are your records? I hate working out tbh so mine are a little low but I wanna beat them soon.
- floors: 28
- km: 13,26 km
- calories: 2134
[Tip] I found the diet that makes my body look and feel the leanest!
/u/RachAgainstLeMachine [5'3 🌻 CW: 93lbs 🌻 21F]
Created: Tue Oct 2 04:28:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kpgh7/i_found_the_diet_that_makes_my_body_look_and_feel/
---
High Protein, High Carb, Very low fat. Around 800-1100 calories per day + exercise.
Holy shit guys, I’ve tried everything. Years of restricting, chewing and spitting, normal dieting, you name it. But I finally found that eating JUST below the accepted bare minimum and exercising, along with eating tons of protein and carbs and very little fat makes me look and feel tiny.
I honestly don’t remember the last time I’ve felt this confident. I started eating like this about 3 weeks ago and I’ve really started seeing results. It’s awesome, I’d definitely recommend it if you haven’t tried it already!
[Discussion] DAE participate in weird "challenges" as a way to restrict?
/u/rosecoloredidiot
Created: Tue Oct 2 03:03:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kp1f9/dae_participate_in_weird_challenges_as_a_way_to/
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This is potentially wildly specific, but why not ask right! I've learned that it's more acceptable for me to talk about restricting in this context. For example, currently I'm doing a challenge where I try to eat the whole week with just 1€ per day. After the shopping and such, I planned out the meals. Today, because of this challenge my total calories will be 786. Honestly, mentioning this no one even batted an eye. One person said "that's not much" but nothing more. Definitely strange the way brains work. Person restricting for weight loss = give them shit. Person restricting for a "challenge" = cool, good luck?
If any of you have done weird and extra shit like this, please tell me 😂
[Discussion] Does vaping with nicotine suppress hunger like real cigarettes do?
/u/ViceroyInTheMorning [5'5'' | CW ☹️ | BMI 👹 | 1 lbs to next GW | F 20]
Created: Tue Oct 2 01:44:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9koovc/does_vaping_with_nicotine_suppress_hunger_like/
---
Thinking of buying a vape but only if it actually does help with hunger. I miss cigarettes lol
[Rant/Rave] i see my boyfriend in 11 days
/u/problemproblem420 [5'6'' | 117 | 18.9 | 19F]
Created: Tue Oct 2 00:59:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9koh3j/i_see_my_boyfriend_in_11_days/
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i haven't seen him since august 25 and i've lost around 12 pounds. ik its not that much but for some reason im nervous that i'll be too skinny when i see him and also that i won't be skinny enough. literally devil and angel on my shoulders. he knows about my ED but definitely doesn't know the extent and over the summer put a lot of emphasis on "eating good" and getting me thick -\_\_-
i don't want him to worry but also i wanna f\*ck him and feel sexy, and i literally only feel sexy when im restricting. but im also worried that by the time i see him my shit will be so wacked out that i'll be in a major ana mood and operating on 50 cals a day. basically im NERVOUS AS FUCK and venting to the internet thank you all any advice or personal experience is much appreciated xoxo
Males of proed, have any of you been an inpatient?
/u/ital21978566556432f
Created: Tue Oct 2 00:47:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9koeyx/males_of_proed_have_any_of_you_been_an_inpatient/
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I can't imagine being a male inpatient and not have an extra awkward experience. Another reason I'll probably never receive help. Care to share your experiences?
What was your awareness and understanding of eating disorders prior to developing your own?
/u/Pollyhotpocketposts
Created: Tue Oct 2 00:45:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9koeqf/what_was_your_awareness_and_understanding_of/
---
I always find it interesting to see the links between ED developed in families, friends etc.
I was wondering how much of an *awareness* of eating disorders you had before you developed your own. I had friends who had suffered but the severity of the situation never really became clear to me.
What was your exposure to eating disorders pre-ED?
[Discussion] Favorite Halo Top flavor?
/u/shepanda [5'8 |CW 135 | GW 115 | Female]
Created: Tue Oct 2 00:43:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9koebi/favorite_halo_top_flavor/
---
Mine is birthday cake!
[Rant/Rave] Where my irrationally anxious peeps at?
/u/linedryonly [5'5"♀| CW 135 | SW 145 | LW 102 | GW 110]
Created: Tue Oct 2 00:23:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9koav9/where_my_irrationally_anxious_peeps_at/
---
So I ordered some safe food to be delivered to my door (because I can't handle the grocery store). It was supposed to arrive Thursday, but it arrived a couple days early. And I'm on the verge of a panic attack right now because now I will have more food in my house than I planned for today. Like WTF?? It's all safe food! Why is my brain like this, I just want one day where I'm not panicking about food:(
does anyone else get mad when they see happy fat people?
/u/psychopathetick
Created: Tue Oct 2 00:14:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ko94a/does_anyone_else_get_mad_when_they_see_happy_fat/
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I know it sounds shitty but when I see people who are obviously out of shape and overweight especially if they're dressing to show off their figure I just get pissed off. Like how dare you, don't you see yourself in the mirror, you should be ashamed. Obviously I'm projecting here but the feeling is still there.
I'm wearing a size S bra for the first time since...
/u/Squirrella [5ft | CW 154.6| GW 100| 39 F]
Created: Mon Oct 1 23:27:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ko0i3/im_wearing_a_size_s_bra_for_the_first_time_since/
---
...ever? Puberty? Middle school? Something like that. And I am SUPER THRILLED about it! :D
[Tip] Just realised that I can add my binge calories onto my next several days...
/u/edthrowaway12121
Created: Mon Oct 1 23:20:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9knzaf/just_realised_that_i_can_add_my_binge_calories/
---
How did I just figure this out?! It’s probably a no brainer for most of you, but I literally just decided in a desperate attempt to erase a binge I can just take off calories for the next few days or so. And I know I sound silly, because duh... that’s what restricting is. But I’ve never actively while overeating for the day sat and added the extra calories for tomorrow, and the day after, etc.
I really don’t wanna binge again. If I blindly try to restrict to 600 tomorrow I will DEFINITELY binge. All I need to do is subtract 170 (though I’ll prob do like 200 at least lol) for the next 5 / 6 days and I’ll continue to lose! My biggest motivator to stop binging is facing the binge calories head on so this really may work for me!
[Rant/Rave] I am tired of restricting while loving food and eating too much at one go without much self control. I wish I can eat normally every day without worrying and fearing about kcals and gaining weight. Just..feel..FML...
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Mon Oct 1 22:53:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kntm7/i_am_tired_of_restricting_while_loving_food_and/
---
wtf head rushes??
/u/meafy--
Created: Mon Oct 1 22:51:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9knt5s/wtf_head_rushes/
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so im eating fine, not fasting or binging (50 cals+dinner) but i still get head rushes ALL the time. im not even exercising that much!! the feeling is satisfying, but def not practical. ugh people who dont get dark vision like that until fasting for days are so lucky 😩
Where's my fucking whoosh WHERE'S MY FUCKING WOOSH
/u/JayLenoBlows [18y | trans girl | 6’ | ~135? | GW >120]
Created: Mon Oct 1 22:31:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9knp1n/wheres_my_fucking_whoosh_wheres_my_fucking_woosh/
---
I've been doing mad exercise and restriction and my weight has barely gone down in the last week and a half or so, I'm not abusing the fuck out of my body for nothing! I want my results!! I'm hoping to be 130lbs at most by my birthday on the 6th, I know I'm holding a lot of water weight and stuff but man I'm upset. The whoosh cannot come fast enough.
[Rant/Rave] Small rant on people who don't understand that an ED is a mental illness
/u/HemophilicHamster [5'5" |CW: 🐳|GW: when I'm either happy or dead | F]
Created: Mon Oct 1 22:27:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kno2b/small_rant_on_people_who_dont_understand_that_an/
---
Hello. Apologies for the incoming rant! I had a very frustrating day lol.
I can't deal with people talking to me about food and dieting anymore. I can't stand the comments and the unwanted advice. I'm reaching a breaking point. Yes, I know I should eat more. Yes, I know that I should be happy with my body. YES, I KNOW HOW UNHEALTHY I'M ACTING. Stating the obvious isn't advice! Telling me you're soooooo jealous because "I'm one of those lucky girls who is able to lose weight" is actually going to give me a stroke. That's not how anything works! Anyone can lose weight! Everyone who tries should do it in a safe and healthy manner! What I'm doing is self destruction! Please, for the love of God, do not praise me for being **mentally ill**. This isn't me doing the cutesy girl "haha omg I wish *i* was thin like that model" stereotype. This is a *sickness.* I am *sick*. And I understand if someone doesn't know about EDs or isn't aware of what I have says something like that. But these comments are coming from friends and family who have watched me struggle with this *for years*.
Please stop talking to me about how little you eat, as if it's a competition. Please stop saying how you wish you were thinner, and then proceed to eat 2500+ calories in one meal like it's some sort of mystery how you got to this point. Please stop forcing me to eat like you're doing me a huge favor, and then pat yourself on the back while I excuse myself to sob on the bathroom floor. Please stop bringing up dieting and weight loss on purpose in my presence even after I've asked you *repeatedly* not to. I know you think you're helping but you're making everything 1000x worse. I can't deal with these comments anymore, and I'm starting to wonder if it's time to start isolating myself just to escape all the criticism.
Ugh. /End rant.
[Rant/Rave] I fit into my old jeans :(
/u/fccg12
Created: Mon Oct 1 22:18:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9knmaf/i_fit_into_my_old_jeans/
---
I haven’t fit into them since I was really disordered in high school. When I saw pictures of 16 year old me before I relapsed this year I thought I looked so thin. Now I’m that size again and I’m still huge in my head. I remember picking these jeans up months ago thinking I’d never be that tiny again. But here I am. It’s nowhere near good enough. Nothing makes sense.
[Help] maybe I'm depressed or something
/u/dollydomer [5'6 | 110 |GW 100 | F]
Created: Mon Oct 1 22:07:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9knjpn/maybe_im_depressed_or_something/
---
I'm sad. or I don't know. I just don't feel any emotions. no joy or sadness. occasional hopelessness maybe. I'm secluding myself more and more and I'm fine with it. I don't talk to anyone, except in person. I deleted social medias and don't text anyone. I think I am not eating enough for my brain to make emotions or something, I just feel like an emotionless robot. but I binge the past two days so I don't think I can just feel like this because I ate. maybe someone has an idea of why I am depressed or something.
[Discussion] Fatlogic
/u/AspergersAndCoffee [5'2F | Last recorded weight 93 | SW 100 | Starting therapy soon]
Created: Mon Oct 1 22:07:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9knjlx/fatlogic/
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Okay, I know that "it is not a fat hate subreddit",
"It doesn't promote EDs",
"People here are just healthy"...
But... Really. Not only the content they share is like "don't eat because you'll end up like this" meanspo...the community sounds disordered as well. A lot of people there count calories every single day of the year, even on thanksgiving, never ever eat too much, have their weight and exercise so under control....in askfatlogic I even saw a person saying they make their 11 year old count their calories. I was older than this beggining to count my calories, and I've always been considered mature for my age, but still a kid, and it fucked with me so much I'm here with anorexia. This kid will get an ED, I'm 99.9% sure. I've also seen some people talking about their dysmorphia... And lots of them rant about their family calling them anorexic. I know it's common to hear this as a typical dieter, but maybe their family knows SOMETHING?
[Rant/Rave] why am I so obsessed with what everyone eats
/u/ihate-chicken [5’7” | CW:116 | 18.1 |]
Created: Mon Oct 1 21:59:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9knhu7/why_am_i_so_obsessed_with_what_everyone_eats/
---
Like I understand why I’m obsessed with my own food but why do I care so much about what other people around me eat?!!?
It’s. So. Dumb.
Feeling super self conscious about my arms!
/u/pinkskyvillain
Created: Mon Oct 1 21:48:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9knf5u/feeling_super_self_conscious_about_my_arms/
---
So today I was reading some comments in one of the fitness subs and this guy was saying how it’s more attractive when guys have larger biceps than calves, but it’s better for girls to have bigger calves than arms.
I measured my upper arm and calf circumference and they’re almost the same size, the calf only wins by like 1 inch :(
Anyone else carry all of their fat in their upper bodies? I have the tiniest calves and I’m struggling to get them to grow a little after reading this because I’ve gotten so self conscious!
Me @ myself
/u/rebexca16ansell
Created: Mon Oct 1 21:41:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kndnx/me_myself/
---
https://i.redd.it/ipl01w2xyhp11.gif
I’m (f) breaking up with my boyfriend
/u/pacific_rimmed [5’6” | CW: 137 | HW: 152 | GW: 119 | UGW: 105 | F ]
Created: Mon Oct 1 21:40:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9knddm/im_f_breaking_up_with_my_boyfriend/
---
I can’t take the hot and cold. He ignores me until I get upset, and then acts all loving until I forgive him or even apologise for nothing.
I started dating him because he made me feel like he was the best I could ever have. But I’m realising now that I have a lot to offer, that I deserve more. I’m smart and cute and sweet and funny and kind and he’s.. hot?
He told me that he’s out of my league the other night. He’s definitely attractive, but he’s not movie star or model material. I think I’ve got potential. A cute face, and big tits and a small waist relative to my frame. But I’m soft. Big where I don’t need to be. I truly believe that if I was skinny he wouldn’t have a hope in the world. He leaves for six weeks in the middle of November. I’m on target to be 119lbs by then, if I stick to 800cal/day.
I don’t want to break up with him until I’m skinny, but I want to break up with him.
I’m scared because he’s vindictive and I know he’ll want to hurt me by fucking my (f) ex. She’s model thin and I don’t want that comparison.
He got me and kept by preying on my insecurities. I want him to see me at my peak before he loses me forever.
That’s my motivation.
[Goal] my old jeans fit again 🤙
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | relapse| gw: 97 | 23f]
Created: Mon Oct 1 21:28:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9knakz/my_old_jeans_fit_again/
---
my size 0 black skinny jeans fit again! i’ve been relapsing for the last few weeks and losing recovery weight faster than i thought. a couple weeks ago i could barely put these jeans on and now they fit perfectly again 🤟
[Rant/Rave] Terrified of the scale
/u/shmlurn [5'10" | CW 139 | 19.9 | GW 129| Female]
Created: Mon Oct 1 21:15:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kn7hr/terrified_of_the_scale/
---
I’m so scared to weigh myself after
Binge eating for 5 days straight. I’m talking like 2-4K calories a day. I was 133 before this and was supposed to be down to 128 this week. I’m so scared to weigh myself, I’ve been crying just assuming I’ve gained and even used laxatives for the first time since high school. I don’t know what to do and just needed to tell someone.
Moments like this
/u/peacecorpsquestion3 [5’6 | 120]
Created: Mon Oct 1 21:13:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kn6wb/moments_like_this/
---
I was sitting at my table in Drawing talking with the people around me and we were talking about Takis and I tried to do that carefree quirky girl who loves to eat “OMG I LOVE TAKIS” thing and the really cute guy next to me pulls out a bag and says “do you want mine?”
that was so awkward coming up with a response although ngl even if I didn’t have an ED id still feel guilty taking somebody else’s food
My bones are gone :(
/u/wrinkle-crease
Created: Mon Oct 1 21:02:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kn4c7/my_bones_are_gone/
---
I've been gaining weight like nobody's business the past month. I moved in with my mom, no longer living in a city walking everywhere. Instead I am sitting and sedentary basically all day long and feeling nasty, especially since I don't have a job out of the house at the moment, and sitting around so much makes me want to just eat more, and of course this has lead to gaining.
I've gained almost 10 lbs in the past month since I've been home, and today after showering I noticed that I can barely even see the bones in my chest anymore :( They really started showing once I dropped down to my LW and now I'm far from it again... I stopped my sugar addiction at one point but now if I don't eat sugary crap yet in a day, it's all I can think about until I do.
How do you all motivate yourself to get moving and even just keep busy to distract yourself from eating and thinking about food? How on earth did this happen to me so quickly?? :'(
Hands up if you binged the entire long weekend and are keeping the party going
/u/lunasouseiseki [180cm | 77kg | 23.8 | -10kg | F:snoo_shrug:]
Created: Mon Oct 1 20:48:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kn0ou/hands_up_if_you_binged_the_entire_long_weekend/
---
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😰🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪
Fighting Urges
/u/Precaso
Created: Mon Oct 1 20:41:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kmyxc/fighting_urges/
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There's a fresh container of oreos in the drawer... and since I've been restricting I could probably eat the entire thing 😅 especially after a hard days work and feeling a bit down...
I know eating 1 is game over, because eating processed sugar just makes me want more processed sugar. I'll keep resisting the urge because I know where I'd rather be in 1 weeks time. I just wish my brother didn't get so many oreos. Curse those cookies.
[Rant/Rave] Starving myself is the only thing helping me cope with my thesis/graduation anxiety.
/u/BladderPatrol
Created: Mon Oct 1 20:39:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kmyds/starving_myself_is_the_only_thing_helping_me_cope/
---
My dumb ass is happier starving than working on a small portion of my paper every day.
I’m supposed to contact advisors, go to career counseling, volunteer for conventions, attend cohort meetings, go to guest lectures, job hunt, write a thesis and project proposal and present my thesis, keep up friendships and a loving relationship all while working 6 days a week to pay my rent and car bills and try to save money for my loans.
Instead of doing all this I’m making excuses to procrastinate while just crumpling in on myself and starving.
Winter jackets make me look fat
/u/Iamveryspiteful
Created: Mon Oct 1 20:29:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kmvid/winter_jackets_make_me_look_fat/
---
I'm bottom heavy, most of my weight is distributed in my thighs/legs. Wearing a big, puffy winter jacket will make me look x5 my actual size... if anyone knows where i can shop to find a jacket that isnt so hideously unflattering- that would help greatly
The more meat the more to eat
/u/AT678
Created: Mon Oct 1 20:22:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kmtez/the_more_meat_the_more_to_eat/
---
Some guy literally told me that today I’m so UGH heavy restriction here we goo 😜😜
My neighbor grabbed me and said im getting too skinny
/u/Myhandisnumb96
Created: Mon Oct 1 20:20:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kmt2v/my_neighbor_grabbed_me_and_said_im_getting_too/
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So I’m trying to recover from bulimia. I went from purging 3 times a day to less than once a week. I’m on antidepressants and doing well in school. I’m single for the first time in 6 years and Im realizing my worth as a human being. That being said, I have no car, my antidepressants are suppressing my appetite, I walk EVERYWHERE, and im kinda broke so I eat the most basic shit ever.
I basically semi unintentionally lost some weight. My bmi went from a 23 to a 22.
Anyways she literally walks into my living room. Mind you im 21 years old. She grabs me by my hips and shakes me. She said i have no figure anymore, I dont look good, stop losing weight, she’s worried and my organs are going to shut down. My dad then said that I look like I lost 10lbs in the last month and I need to drink ensure.
I don’t get it. Why is everyone saying I look so thin. I haven’t lost THAT much weight. Why is it not as happy as I thought weight loss would be. I just feel bad about it. :(
Im not even an unhealthy weight.
[Rant/Rave] I SHARTED
/u/sstephenn [Recovering 5'10 | 126.2/57.2 | 18.1 | -60/27.2 | Male ]
Created: Mon Oct 1 20:19:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kmsqz/i_sharted/
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Okay, I officially feel bad that I laughed at other ppls posts about sharting themselves cuz it finally happened to me. This is totally different from mistrusting a fart, it’s like I couldn’t even stop it. Wow. Achievement unlocked. I have no further words.
[Discussion] I've just hit a new low
/u/throwwawayyyyyy5
Created: Mon Oct 1 19:58:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kmnar/ive_just_hit_a_new_low/
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There was someone either in every bathroom or in the room next to the bathroom so I just purged into a bucket in my room and dumped it down the garbage disposal in the sink...
[Discussion] DAE only restrict when their life is going well?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 105-107 | UGW: 94 | F]
Created: Mon Oct 1 19:56:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kmmnv/dae_only_restrict_when_their_life_is_going_well/
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I feel like when my life has gone to shit I stop caring and binge eat, and I only restrict when I’m otherwise happy and satisfied with my life. I feel like that’s a weird way to exist with an ED since most people restrict to deal with negative emotions... is anyone else like this?
[Rant/Rave] [TMI] Beware of the bananas
/u/feellikegucci [5'2 | 18 F | cw: 141lbs | 25.6 | gw: 88lbs | -17lbs]
Created: Mon Oct 1 19:47:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kmkiw/tmi_beware_of_the_bananas/
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For some reason yet unknown to me, I decided it would be a good idea to b/p on bananas. I love bananas to the core, but they're so calorie-dense they became a fear food for me. But they can do no harm if I purge them right away, right?
Wrong. I regretted it instantly. The taste of pure regurgitated bananas will haunt me to the rest of my days. It's so acidic it gave me countless shivers, and I couldn't even discern it from actual acid so it was hard to tell when I was done. And the smell, oh the smell... it all just felt *wrong*.
It made me question all my life choices with my head laying on the toilet seat; made me wonder what was the point of all this, whether or not it was worth it if that is the price I pay.
May my TMI experience be a PSA to y'all. Don't b/p on bananas. They're easy to binge on, but the devil to purge. 0/10, do not recommend, it is now my ultimate fear food because it's absolutely not purgeable.
Building muscle on a deficit?
/u/nintentions [5’3 | CW: 112.4 | BMI: 19.9 ]
Created: Mon Oct 1 19:43:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kmjdu/building_muscle_on_a_deficit/
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i started working out daily about 2 weeks ago and heard i needed to up my intake in order to build muscle. it’s TERRIFYING. i’ve been binging and using the muscle building as an excuse and i’m gaining so much weight. the problem is i can see the exercise is working - my thighs and ass are firmer, im feeling stronger. can i still build muscle like this when restricting to around 1000 cal a day? i hate this fucking fat all over me. i was underweight and now i’ve just fucking BALLOONED but i want toned legs and my small waist and thigh gap back :/
[Tip] 18% of weight lost is water
/u/kernalmustache [169cm ♀ | CW 105lbs | BMI 16.7 | SW 130lbs 🌸]
Created: Mon Oct 1 19:35:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kmh79/18_of_weight_lost_is_water/
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So according to some scientist guy in a TED talk about the math behind losing weight 18% of the fat you burn gets expelled as water and the rest gets expelled as carbon dioxide. We also know that when you're dehydrated your body retains water in order to maintain proper function. It's also worth noting that most of what you excrete technically never was in your, it was just in between you because waste is made up of stuff your body doesn't use like fiber and some random bacterial lifeforms living in your colon. So if you're not peeing enough or sweating enough you're holding on to 18% of the weight you already burned. If you drink too much that water will just pass through you, but if you drink too little you won't have enough after to get rid of any excess. Conclusion, drinking more water will help you lose the extra 2/11ths of the weight you should already be losing.
I need to find my water bottle.
[Help] Anybody reccomend some pro ana diets?
/u/chunkychigger
Created: Mon Oct 1 19:27:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kmezt/anybody_reccomend_some_pro_ana_diets/
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I suck at fasting but I can stick to low restricting. Does anybody have any pro ana diets that they got results from? If so pls say how much you lost! Thanks ❤️
I’m really scared I’m going to reach my UGW and still not be happy
/u/swj_289
Created: Mon Oct 1 19:27:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kmew0/im_really_scared_im_going_to_reach_my_ugw_and/
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I’m pretty much banking on finally being happy once I reach my ultimate goal weight. Like, I’m picturing myself having all the confidence in the world, going on all the dates, meeting all the new people. Finally having the life I’ve dreamed of.
But... what if I still hate myself? What if I still think I’m ugly/fat at my UGW?
I’m scared and I’m already so depressed, I can’t imagine what I would do if that happened.
[Rant/Rave] I can’t do it
/u/button_eyed_coraline [5'4" | 157 | 26.9 | -83 | Female]
Created: Mon Oct 1 19:26:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kmesg/i_cant_do_it/
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I tried to eat more. Switched back to “real food” from my all-Soylent diet. And ended up texting a crisis line today because the constant anxiety about solid food somehow making me gain again left me in tears on my baby’s playroom floor.
If trying to turn this ship around made me a good mom, I guess giving up makes me a bad one.
[Discussion] EDs in Media
/u/ErinNeeka_
Created: Mon Oct 1 19:15:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kmbv2/eds_in_media/
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How does everyone feel about how EDs are portrayed in the media? I'm just curious on everyone's opinions. And have you ever seen yourself in a character or portrayal?
[Rant/Rave] can't stop binging but I don't want to stop???? what
/u/kingarthersixties [166cm | CW: 130lbs| GW: 126lbs]
Created: Mon Oct 1 19:11:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kmamy/cant_stop_binging_but_i_dont_want_to_stop_what/
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This is kind of a pointless post, but I wanted to let this out somewhere. I have been binging a lot recently. I'm at college and don't have direct access to a scale so I don't know how much I weigh right now, but it wouldn't surprise me if I gained 10 pounds. I looked in the mirror the other day and was just disgusted with myself I don't know if it's dysmorphia adding to it, but I just looked so fat. I checked my thigh measurements as well and I have almost gained an inch. My binging is the worst it has ever been. But the thing is, I'm not doing anything about it. I'm in a cycle of "Oh no, I binged! I will restrict tomorrow. Oh no, I binged again, I will restrict tomorrow." I feel like I'm getting enjoyment from binging which makes me feel disgusting!!!!! I began using a calorie tracker, and I am including my binge today. Good news is I almost bought some deep dish cookie thing (just a large cookie) and a pound cake along with a hershey's cookies and creme and muskateers bar, but I only bought the bars! I still binged on them, but at least I made it a smaller binge. The calorie counter has definitely helped so far even though it hasn't even been a day.
idk wish me luck guys my binging is bringing me so much anxiety (which completely contradicts my not wanting to stop binging, i know)
to explain that more, I do want to stop binging, it's just that I have no motivation? It's like I'm procrastinating it.
Fucked up oct first . I need a restart
/u/Shewantstolive
Created: Mon Oct 1 19:04:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9km8r8/fucked_up_oct_first_i_need_a_restart/
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I literally was a glutton all day. Trying to sooth my emotional state of depression with the taste of sugary sweets . It did nothing but make me hate myself more. And so the binge/fast cycle continues . God dam me.
[Other] My plan...
/u/BigFrameSkinnyAddict
Created: Mon Oct 1 19:01:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9km80a/my_plan/
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Just a little note to hold myself accountable if I cheat-
Breakfast: coffee + creamer (30 cal)
Lunch: ensure protein drink (240 cals )
Dinner: (anything under 120)
Lets hope I can keep this up... Until the 31st... Ughhh I thought I was doing better...
I really really tought I was a monster
/u/dankluigi
Created: Mon Oct 1 18:53:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9km5ka/i_really_really_tought_i_was_a_monster/
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Hi guys, I’m a first time poster. Not from the US, so sorry if I don’t explain myself well in English. I’m gonna start with a little backstory:
I’ve grown up in a country where EDs are not even mentioned. Ever. Yeah we know anorexic and bulimic people exist and we have a serious problem with obesity, but it’s so common no one thinks “hey, maybe they actually have a psychological problem” they just “love food” obviously.
I grew up as a really REALLY fat kid. A 11 year old with a 102 kg weight is a really serious matter that my mom never understood, she’d get mad and deny everything at people telling her that her son was obese and even that caused my parents divorce. I was a quiet and really innocent kid that never really understood the gravity of everything when I was in elementary. I was happy eating pancakes for breakfast, hot dogs at school and Oreos with milk getting home and so and so. I’m also a little obsessive with things since I was born (id wash my hands every 5 minutes, I would spit my saliva instead of swallowing it, Id have an schedule for ridiculous things like showering at 7:30 or brushing my teeth at 6:30am etc. Pretty weird for a kid but I knew there was something wrong with me).
It was when I was 13 when, eventually, reality caught up to me. I couldn’t play sports, my back hurted and I started having headaches nearly every day. My mom took me to a doctor who stated the obvious: I needed to lose weight. I confronted her. I knew she loved cooking for me but I was really really scared about my health (being the obsessive person I am I thought I’d die really soon) so I started eating less, and less and less. My mom was a little upset at first. I dropped 20kg in one year which to her was insane. She would make me eat more than I wanted because she didn’t want me to be “unhealthy” (lmao) and so I started excercising. A lot. I started running (my first time doing any physical activities) and 6 months later I could do 10-15 km in a really great pace.
But with the exercise came the hunger, and the craving. I remember the first time looking at a toilet bowl pondering about purging everything I ate at the party I went earlier, and so I tried. I realized my gag reflex really was shit and after some days I gave up. That’s when I thought “hey, what if I get the taste but I spit it out without getting all those calories” and so I thought I invented c/s lmao. I’d always have an empty water bottle to spit food on it in my backpack and would always spit food even if it was a chip or a little bite of cake. That’s when the biggest weigh loss came; months went by and by and when I turned 16 I was in about 63kg (I’m 1.86m so I really looked skinny and sick, which I really liked) and i started obsessing. I’d c/s in the living room with a hidden ziploc bag, I’d bring a big pack of cookies or a really big slice of cake and spit it out in my room in plastic trash bags. Things got a little heavy when I started filling those damn bags. I’d feel fucking gross grabbing that giant slob of food and spit. My mom would look at me and cry and beg for me to start eating well. And then she found out one bag I forgot to throw in the kitchen. Hell broke loose.
She told me I was crazy, she thought I purged on bags and took me to various psychiatrists and I’d just lie to them telling them I did purge my food, which wasn’t true, but my mom never believed me I’d spit my food after chewing it so it was easier for me to say that. She cried a lot yelling me I was gonna get throat cancer and die, she destroyed me psychologically and kept me checked always, so naturally, I started doing it even more and crying because I felt like a monster doing it. I thought I was crazy and only a really mentally ill person would do things like these.
Time goes by, I move out my house for college and I’m now 18. I still c/s but in less frequency (money lmao) and fucking hate going to eat with my friends. I get anxiety attacks and feel insecure (btw I’m 72kg now, a healthy weight which I’m happy with but wish I looked skinnier) and one day, just by pure curiosity, I write “spit my food” in Reddit.
Oh god, oh my fucking god. I stumbled across this subreddit.
I can’t even describe the warmth I felt in my heart. I felt like i really wasn’t a maniac or something, just a normal person with an eating disorder like all of you. I spent hours reading popular posts and crying, looking at all the support and love you all give in this sub, and finally feeling not alone in this. After 2+ years of my mom telling me I was sick and crazy I finally feel like I’m not alone
I love you all. I really, really, really do. I’d hug the fuck out of everyone here. I want to thank you so damn much for making me feel less lonely. I’ve been just lurking for ~2 weeks bu I’m looking forward to posting and being a part of this wonderful community. I have no words for telling you all how brave and awesome you all are. I no longer feel like a monster.
[Discussion] The aftermath of a binge feels like how I imagine looking over a battlefield after a particularly bloody fight.
/u/mormoninquisition [5’3 F| CW 122.3 | BMI 22.14 | SW 137.5]
Created: Mon Oct 1 18:51:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9km597/the_aftermath_of_a_binge_feels_like_how_i_imagine/
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And I’m just sad. A little stunned. And defeated.
I’ve come out of that frenzy where I’m shoving entire packages of Oreos in my face, long past the point when I stopped enjoying them. I literally remember a point where I thought “I’m starting to hate these, I should stop.” But that little voice didn’t even feel like a part of me at that point.
I tried to throw it all up for the fourth time in my life, unsuccessfully, and I feel like a failure.
I’m just sad. I looked at my body in the mirror afterwards and I felt like I finally really saw it. My body is not that bad. Why do I hate it so much? I feel like I’ve lost an important fight. I’ve lost something.
I’m just sad.
[Help] discord groups??
/u/breebunny88
Created: Mon Oct 1 18:49:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9km4jj/discord_groups/
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Are there multiple discord groups for ED? Maybe one directed more for adults?
I hope everyone is doing ok! Sending positive vibes to every single one of you!!
Xxx
Thanks
[Discussion] DAE eat Extremely fast
/u/ZygomaticArdvark [5'2" | CW:99.5 | BMI 18.2 | 16F]
Created: Mon Oct 1 18:41:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9km2mt/dae_eat_extremely_fast/
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It seems common for people with restrictive ed's to eat super slow, but I eat ridiculously fast; not even just after it's been a while since I ate, all the time. I'm talking entire meals in 7-10minutes type of fast. People comment on it and my boyfriend has to remind me to take smaller bites. Does anyone else wolf down food like I do?
[Rant/Rave] Screw you too dad...
/u/mmblarg
Created: Mon Oct 1 18:33:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9km09q/screw_you_too_dad/
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First off, I love my old man and he doesn’t know I’m starving... BUT!!!
He came over to visit for a sec, saw my husband for the first time in 5 or 6 months and would no shut up about his fucking easy peasy didn’t even TRY weight loss.
“Whoa! Look at you! You lost weight! You look so good! You look so healthy!” And the final fucking nail in the coffin, Gestures to me as I’m slowly snacking on raw carrots and refusing to look up because if I make eye contact I’ll start bawling... then says “now we just need to work on my daughter! Har har har! Though looks like you’re trying with eating that bunny food! Har har HAAAAAAR!”
Yah dad, sorry your fat fucking daughter can’t fucking effortlessly lose weight, obviously that means I’M NOT EVEN TRYING SND EATING 230 FUCKING CALORIES TODAY WAS OBVIOUSLY TOO FUCKING MUCH!!!!!!
If teeth yellowing or breakdown wasn't a bulimia side effect would you continue b/p?
/u/throwawayyolonot [5'4"| 26F]
Created: Mon Oct 1 18:13:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kluyw/if_teeth_yellowing_or_breakdown_wasnt_a_bulimia/
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yes. I worry about it, but bulimia is so ingrained and it's pathetic of me. I know other options--healthier ones but I choose this I'm fucking up.
I "maintained" for September and I'll die mad about it
/u/Call_me_Cassius [5'5" | CW: 🐖 | GW: 98lb | -45lb | M21]
Created: Mon Oct 1 17:37:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kll6a/i_maintained_for_september_and_ill_die_mad_about/
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I was doing so well. Between May and August I binged *once.* I lost so much weight, I was doing so well. It sucked, and I was tired and angry and beating myself up over anything more than 15 calories, but *I was losing so much weight. And people were noticing.* And then September came around and suddenly I felt the binge urges returning. I thought I had escaped them forever, but no.
I knew I would give in, so I made a deal with myself. I would "take a break" for the month of September. Let myself get back into the swing of school and all, give my body a moment to recover, build back up my vitamin stores, get some cravings out of the way. The deal was I had to stay in the same weight decade (since I know I can vary about that much from water weight), and if I ever went up into the next decade I had to fast until I got back down (only had to do it once.)
So in a sense, September was good. I ate. There were times I even ate without worrying too much about it. At the start of the month I sorta felt great. I got to ride the high of my previous weight loss, while also eating whatever I wanted, and patting myself on the back for "maintaining." But then, of course, it slipped. My "break month" eating turned into genuine binging. I was weighing myself multiple times a day, just waiting to break back up into the next decade and worrying about whether or not I'd be able to successfully fast if I did. Every bite was agony; which one would set off the cycle where I gained all of the weight back and more? How close to the end was I?
But, surprisingly, it never came. And the binging sort of calmed down. I even did a three-day fast. And then October was right around the corner and I was furious. Furious that I had *wasted* a month messing around shoving bread in my mouth. It was one thing to try not to beat myself up over binges; it was too far to have given myself *an entire month* to stuff my face.
I'm starting October with a week-long fast to hopefully reset things, get off the water weight, and hopefully break down into the next decade. Get back on track. But I can't get back on track, not really, right? I'll never get September 2018 back. I could be 10 pounds lighter than I started September; instead I'm 7 pounds heavier. What a fucking waste.
And I'm scared I ruined it forever. That that was my one chance at really restricting and I wasted it and I'm back on my binge/purge bullshit. I know what triggered my restricting phase at the start of May. I know what reinforced it in July. And if I fuck up this fast, or if I don't reach my goal for the beginning of October, I'll fucking do it again. I found my really bad trigger and I will fucking use it.
I can't believe I wasted September. I was right above my LW too. If I had just even tried to keep going, I bet I coulda gotten a new LW. And instead I wasted it and patted myself on the back the whole time I was doing it. While not October! Not this month! My Halloween costume is gonna be my skeleton I swear it.
pumpkin season
/u/tiflis
Created: Mon Oct 1 17:32:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kljkl/pumpkin_season/
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So I've had this can of plain pumpkin puree sitting in my pantry for god knows how long. Planned to bake with it but never did (bit of a life theme). This whole time I kind of assumed it was high-calorie, but guys, the whole thing is just 175. Mix some with a bit of cinnamon, sweetener, and a dash of salt — so. damn. good. And filling too. Just thought I'd share the "recipe," in the spirit of what's finally feeling like fall lol 🍂
What are some eating rules you've set for yourself?
/u/Lunafleur52
Created: Mon Oct 1 17:00:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9klam8/what_are_some_eating_rules_youve_set_for_yourself/
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For example intermittent fasting/not eating after or before certain hours, no more than one serving of *X* per day, etc. Thank you.
OCTOBER optimism
/u/croutonsatan
Created: Mon Oct 1 16:56:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kl9l5/october_optimism/
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I’m so happy it’s fall it’s been a good day! Weather is perfect! My weight is in steady decline! I hit a reward weight today so I’m replacing my broken speaker! Went to kroger, got iron (lol), tea, monster, and my favorite coffee, all while avoiding the tempting snacks!! just wanted to express some positivity, hope y’alls octobers are looking as hopeful as mine <3
Feel like garbage
/u/rude_cockatiel
Created: Mon Oct 1 16:45:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kl6p3/feel_like_garbage/
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I've been binging for 2 months straight and ruined all my progress. Lowest I hit was 142lbs, and I'm probably 154 right now and I feel like such a cow. It's all in my boobs, tummy and thighs and it is so damn noticeable to me. I just feel it all over me, like my whole body feels just fat and I can't even make myself go to them gym because I'm so ashamed.
I asked a close coworker who knows about my horrible relationship with food, if I lookes like I gained and he said no and that he didn't notice anything different.
I was just eating pickled carrots and some chicken on the sofa, and my brother tells me it looks like I'm trying to gain weight because I'm getting fat again and he laughs and says "what its true" when I just looked at him. I never want to eat again, I feel like such a failure.
I'm proud of myself!
/u/CorrithLavellan [6'0" | 181.8 lb | 24.66/23.70 | -19.4 | 21F]
Created: Mon Oct 1 16:43:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kl5x0/im_proud_of_myself/
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I have 2 things of ice cream in the freezer! 1 gallon of Neapolitan which is opened and 2/3 eaten and 1 pint of chocolate chip which is unopened.
I have eaten the Neapolitan in small portions over the course of the past month and a half!! Not binge on it all at once like I normally do!
I'm so proud of myself I had to tell someone! 😊
[Discussion] Wal-Mart grocery pickup is amazing!
/u/ayybih
Created: Mon Oct 1 16:33:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kl3ax/walmart_grocery_pickup_is_amazing/
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I can sit on my fat ass checking allllll the calories and meticulously comparing products through my phone. Order it all there, and drive to the store and have them load it into my car so that nobody has to see me and I don’t have a meltdown in the grocery store! Hooray. You should really try it if your area has it.
Speaking of, what’s everyone’s favorite low cal foods?
[Rant/Rave] Who else wants to complain about clothing sizes lol
/u/piizza [5’4” | 132 CW | 110 GW | 22.7 | -12 lbs| F]
Created: Mon Oct 1 16:31:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kl2sz/who_else_wants_to_complain_about_clothing_sizes/
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I was so excited about fitting into size Small pants at Uniqlo this weekend
Then I looked at the reviews online and people were saying “these pants run soOoOo big!!”
God damn it lmao it ruined any satisfaction of buying small pants 🤡
[Rant/Rave] Fuck you, lady in line at the pharmacy... but thank you, nice cashier!
/u/theleftoveryou [5'5'' | 97.8 | 16.5 | GW 95? | 24F]
Created: Mon Oct 1 16:21:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kkzyb/fuck_you_lady_in_line_at_the_pharmacy_but_thank/
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This is both a rant and a rave. So I was at the 24 hour pharmacy at around 9:00 pm on a Sunday, as one does, and there was a bit of a line. I had a few vitamins and so on in my hands and was looking around for the end of the line. Someone asked me if I was dropping off or picking up, so I said just buying, and this one lady says to me all snarky *"well, why don't you just go to the front!?"* I said, because I need to show my ID, and this fucking lady is all *"I'm pretty sure you can just do that at the front."*
Well, I knew that wasn't true, but I'm pathetic and hate confrontation so much that I actually went to the front of the store and apologetically asked if I could make my purchase there. I ended up telling the cashier the whole story, because I didn't want to look like a total dingus. He confirmed that yeah, that lady had no idea what she was on about. But he was very supportive and said to me something like "don't worry about what people say -- trust that you know what you're doing."
Then he rang up my vitamins and gave me a 40% off coupon, which I took back to the pharmacy and they actually accepted it! So jackass lady ended up saving me like $6. Plus, she was still there waiting when I left. I gave her the best death stare I could manage. 💀
[Rant/Rave] Found my saving grace
/u/sadveggiehead [5’5 |SW.156 |CW.137 |GW.120 |23.07 |F]
Created: Mon Oct 1 16:20:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kkziz/found_my_saving_grace/
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Have been scared to eat at the dining hall because it just triggers overeating but I just discovered their soups. A nice selection of filling and cal soups! So I have been having soups and a English muffin for lunch which doesn’t even hit 300 cal somedays.
[Rant/Rave] Update on my pumpkin spice vape pen (no nicotine)!
/u/malificentbeauty [5'2.5 | SW 150 | GW 110 | -9 | 21F ]
Created: Mon Oct 1 16:19:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kkzad/update_on_my_pumpkin_spice_vape_pen_no_nicotine/
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https://i.redd.it/oj5sqstqfnp11.jpg
Apparently diet soda isn't safe anymore?
/u/RusselToveysEars
Created: Mon Oct 1 16:11:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kkwwy/apparently_diet_soda_isnt_safe_anymore/
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I hate my brain so much. Today at lunch my friend wanted to go to Sonic. I was looking forward to it the entire drive over, because it's one of the few restaurants I can get Sprite Zero. I told my friend I had already eaten (lol) and ordered a Route 44. But then my brain decided that there was no way to know that they'd given me Sprite Zero (I can't really taste the difference between it and normal Sprite), and that if I drank it I'd be drinking 1000 cals worth of pure sugar. So I had to pretend to drink it and pour it out when I got home. I'm honestly so upset rn
I'm going to be 20...
/u/bingeyboa [5'0" | 98 | 19.1 | -19 | F]
Created: Mon Oct 1 16:10:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kkwr9/im_going_to_be_20/
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I thought 20 means adult. Instead I'm sitting here 44 hours into a fast, chewing ice and ready for a dentist's appointment tomorrow to fill a cavity that I probably caused by b/ping on sweets. Oh well.
[Discussion] less food = less anxiety?
/u/isitafullmoon
Created: Mon Oct 1 16:03:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kkul9/less_food_less_anxiety/
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before i ever worried about my weight and calories and what not, i was diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder.
not too long after i realized my triggers were health related but also food related. after eating a large meal i would have a panic attack. every. single. day.
after going on meds it’s gotten A LOT better
but now fasting has led me to feel a lot calmer and social throughout the day and i feel like i can just be myself
anyone else experience anything similar?
[Help] Why am I bloated after not consuming water
/u/citrus_juuiice
Created: Mon Oct 1 15:56:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kksde/why_am_i_bloated_after_not_consuming_water/
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I’ve fasted all day today and had nothing but water and tea. Somehow I’m bloated and look fat. Why? How do I stop this.
Isolation
/u/tipsytoess
Created: Mon Oct 1 15:54:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kkry7/isolation/
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This relapse has been really hard. I don't even feel like the same person I was a week ago. I keep thinking to myself that I just want to die but I can't until I lose the weight again. I can't deal with friends and family or events or going out anymore at all. All I can think about is calories and losing. It's like a switch flipped in my head and I'm back to the mindset I thought I had recovered from.
/r/ProED Survey Summary Results
/u/EatLiftLifeRepeat
Created: Mon Oct 1 15:05:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kkclr/rproed_survey_summary_results/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] Stuck in a PHP Clinic
/u/slightlyannoyed0 [5'5 | CW:120 | GW:105| UGW: 90]
Created: Mon Oct 1 14:51:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kk8ee/stuck_in_a_php_clinic/
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This is going to be long, sorry for any typos or if I sound like I'm 6 years old.
So my mother decided it was time for me to get help after eating 20/30 grapes and 1/2 of trail mix a day. Did blood work and an EKG at the pediatricians, blood work was fine, iron was surprisingly fine (my fingernails were blue and purple, i was cold 24/7, etc etc) and my EKG showed severe dehydration. She checked me into a clinic an hour away from home for Partial Hospitalization (PHP), same hours as school time, and now I have to do homebound since I'm missing so much stuff at school. They made me eat something the FIRST DAY ("refeeding syndrome is bad" my fucking ass), which was last Friday, and I'm not used to eating breakfast OR lunch! Today was the SECOND day, and they didn't let me get away with a protein shake for breakfast and some celery and peanut butter for lunch, NO, they told me that I needed to fucking eat more, even though I didn't eat over the weekend, or they would sit in the same fucking room with me and give me a "Boost" (nasty ass drink) since I "wasn't getting enough from the protein shake" (the protein shake had all the shit i needed in it for breakfast). Do you know how many calories I had today just from two meals?? Over fucking 500! MORE THAN WHAT I HAVE IN A DAY. I still haven't seen the nutritionist, and the dumbass "therapist"/"specialists" (idfk) are telling me what to eat??? Last time I checked, they weren't a fucking nutritionist.
I'm on the verge of hiding all my food in my purse tomorrow while the specialists aren't looking (they're busy eating half of the time) and hope I fake my way out over the next 2/3 weeks, even though they do blood tests and vitals (smart idea... I know, I'm fucking stupid)
I'm so fucking hopeless and don't know what to do... I don't want to eat, I don't want "professional" help, my "eating disorder" is my only friend now, and I want it to always be there for me.
I just don't know what to do... please help me.
*internal body dysmorphic screaming*
/u/neverlearnedtoswim
Created: Mon Oct 1 14:47:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kk76f/internal_body_dysmorphic_screaming/
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just got pics of my vacation from one of the other girls that went. all the other girls were overweight or even morbidly obese and I have a BMI of 21. like I was the smallest by at least 60 lbs, but even up to like 150 lbs from the biggest.
so tell me why I look at the photos and my body looks indistinguishable from the others? I should have looked positively waifish next to them. I was eager to get these photos and use one for a dating profile because I look like Smeagol in fucking selfies and I never have photos of myself. like god forbid I get some excitement in my life and get laid and am genuinely happy right?
nope, can't use a single one of those pics. don't even get to enjoy them for memory's sake. great thing about someone else taking a pic of you is that you see what other people see and idk how anyone sees past my fucking ham hock arms long enough to start a convo. plus I've apparently been playing myself when I look in the mirror and like what I see. rip me
[Discussion] Low calorie Starbucks drinks
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | CW: 114 | GW:105 | UGW 100 | F]
Created: Mon Oct 1 14:38:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kk4aq/low_calorie_starbucks_drinks/
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I usually order a tall vanilla bean Frappuccino which is like 200 calories. What drinks do You all get and how many calories are they?
[Rant/Rave] Cried in supermacs
/u/elite-alien
Created: Mon Oct 1 14:37:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kk3xl/cried_in_supermacs/
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I was getting food with a friend from college because she said how hungry she was but after I ordered my tofu sub she didn't get anything and I got anxious.
Then my friends wanted to go to lunch but they got pints and didn't get food and I felt pressured to get soup because of the waitress. Anxiety.
Then I thought I fucked up already so I might as well get a milkshake and fries in supermacs but my friend made a "have you been crying" joke, so I cried in the fast food place while I stuffed my fatass face.
I took 2 xanax but my heart was racing so I took magnesium when I got home but that was 3 hours ago and it hasn't worked and I can feel myself getting heavier.
I just didn't realise I really had an ED. Ive always known I guess but never said it out loud. I felt real, anxiety and fear about how much I ate today. I relapsed far more than I realised. My head is all over the place.
I just want to be empty.
My boyfriend is coming over but I never told him about laxitives so what if they kicked in while he's here. I tried to get sick but I've never been able too and it was so loud.
[Discussion] What's more important for you, numbers or looks?
/u/BlurJAMD [5'4" | CW: 140lbs | GW: 110lbs | NB]
Created: Mon Oct 1 14:26:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kk0g9/whats_more_important_for_you_numbers_or_looks/
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For me it's a mix of both, I look like I've lost a little weight which I'm happy about, but the numbers on the scale haven't changed, so I'm incredibly torn... I definitely obsess more of numbers though.
How much water do you drink?
/u/prettypinkneversweet
Created: Mon Oct 1 14:03:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kjt58/how_much_water_do_you_drink/
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Does water actually help with metabolism?
It's a shame that making excuses doesn't burn calories
/u/wannabegrapefruit [23F | 5'4" | 135 :'( ]
Created: Mon Oct 1 13:58:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kjrgu/its_a_shame_that_making_excuses_doesnt_burn/
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Because if they did, I would be so skinny.
Me: "Uh oh, I better stop this binging and start restricting again. This is a problem."
Two seconds later while inhaling the fucking COOKIES I decided to bake: "These cookies wont last forever. Don't worry, this is the Last Binge Ever (TM) 🐽"
The next day: "no it's fine THIS really is the last binge ever. I was a big girl about ______ today"
And: "no I can't work out today, I think I sneezed at one point so I clearly still have a cold. Darn"
[Help] Does anyone read Mandarin and can help me figure out how many calories was in this?
/u/psychedelicpeach [5'5.5'' | 23.5 | CW:144 | GW:125]
Created: Mon Oct 1 13:52:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kjpg7/does_anyone_read_mandarin_and_can_help_me_figure/
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https://i.redd.it/g7kelkcipmp11.jpg
[Help] what "counts" as light exercise 1-3 times a week
/u/sexsymboI [5'9 | CW: 156lbs | UGW: 115lbs | 18F | 🍑: ladyluckless]
Created: Mon Oct 1 13:51:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kjp6c/what_counts_as_light_exercise_13_times_a_week/
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cause i just walk around for an hour & thirty minutes to get my 10,000 steps in & idk if that counts or i'm just deluding myself when i check my losertown predictions
[Rant/Rave] I hate myself so much
/u/psychedelicpeach [5'5.5'' | 23.5 | CW:144 | GW:125]
Created: Mon Oct 1 13:48:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kjo2t/i_hate_myself_so_much/
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I’ve been binging a lot and exercising a lot too but I’m at 146 lbs (up from 142 lbs) now. I go to the beach in 4 days and I wanted to be at 130 😭I’m so fucking sad. Today I barely ate anything and the scale said 146 (I’ve been drinking tons of water today and it’s probably just due to that) but I feel like shiiiit and I really just want to eat my feelings. I’m fighting the urge to binge rn but honestly I just feel so sad
Recommendations on protein intake?
/u/IDontLikeLollipops
Created: Mon Oct 1 13:47:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kjnyf/recommendations_on_protein_intake/
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I've noticed I do a lot better at restricting when what I do eat is protein. But my protein powder makes me sick, so I was wondering if you guys have good high/exclusively protein "meals"? Or protein shakes that don't make you sick on an empty stomach?
Thanks!
I just wanted some Chef Boyardee for lunch 😂
/u/vucio72 [5'1 | cw: 117 | gw2: 115 | -35 | f]
Created: Mon Oct 1 13:30:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kji2y/i_just_wanted_some_chef_boyardee_for_lunch/
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I went to the convenience store next door to work. All I wanted was some Chef Boyardee. I asked someone (standing in line for a sandwich at the deli counter) if he could move so that I could look at the cans. He commented that I'll "never be able to maintain that physique with that crap!" I responded "you'd be surprised", but still I felt so very judged in that moment. The women next to me tried to be supportive and encouraged me to get some Beefaroni if I wanted it.
I ended up buying an energy drink instead. Guess I'm not eating today after all 👌
[Intro] September was such a rotten month. (A bit TMI)
/u/storm_on_jupiter [5'9 | 148 | 21.9 | -22 | NB]
Created: Mon Oct 1 13:18:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kjeh1/september_was_such_a_rotten_month_a_bit_tmi/
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I don't know how many times I've been here before, and I keep coming back. Hello, fellow ED people. I don't know how long I will last here this time, but that's for my fucked up brain to decide, as usual.
First weekend of the month, I gave my first time with a guy - something I really cherished and it ment so much to me - to a dickhead who did not deserve it. At the age of 25, I got sexually abused. Again, and this time more serious than ever before.
Following that, my health deteriorated. I suffered a severe infection of pretty much my entire crotch area for about 2,5 weeks. I had to get time off work and spend a ton of money in pharmacies just to be able to have a bm again without straight up crying and shouting in pain. My period was late, so obviously, I was scared to death I got pregnant - even thought protection was in place and I was way too late in my menstrual cycle for that to happen. But there's no reasoning with anxiety, as most of us know. In the meantime, I also learned that everything I had in my head that mattered to me - my identity, plans for the future, ideas for art and actions, my belief in God - was all void. It has been taken away from me, plain and simple, and all of that pretty much has lost any meaning. It would be impossible to explain this in detail, but believe me, I was broken completely when I recieved the news. To sum up, the entire month, I got punched by life in the stomach repeatedly until I was hollow.
This year, my eating got better, a lot better actually. Most of my life, I was a serial BED offender, until at some point I snapped and went into some kind of EDNOS, with periods of starving and bingeing interlaced. For the last few months though, binges were much less severe and didn't happen that often, I was able to restrict nicely most of the time, and even when I ate more freely, I didn't feel shitty about it. With that approach, I managed to lose 22 lbs since the beginning of the year. In September, though, having to suffer this nightmare, I turned to food a lot of the time to help me at least relieve some of the pain for a short while. I gained merely 4 lbs max, but it was enough for me to get scared again. Not to mention, I'm still taking steroids for the symptoms of infection, and I know very well how they fuck with hormones and weight. When I look in the mirror, the fatty areas are so pronounced I cannot see anything else.
Right now, my health got better enough for me to have a clear mind again and be able to do everything I have to do without pain or discomfort. I had time and energy to reflect and really think about what to do now.
I decided I want to lose more weight.
Not for revenge. Not to punish myself. Not for men to lust over me, not for women to envy me.
For me. I want to do this for me.
I want at least two months of sort of asceticism: forgo junk, count calories, eat little to cleanse myself, to not focus on food, not abuse it, not rely on it for comfort. Instead, I'm gonna continue to focus on things I have to do, and things I want to do. Visibly getting smaller and losing the potruding fat will be a clear sign of getting better, reaching a higher place. I'm giving up on dating and relationships, cause clearly the universe doesn't have anything for me in store in that departament. Fortunately, there's a lot of cool things to do in this world, so I'm just gonna turn my attention to those. I have a MA to finish, I have my 9-5 job, good pals to talk and hang out with, and my artistic hobbies to pursue.
I will be okay. I just really, really want to feel in control again.
Thanks for reading.
why are rice cakes so gross to me
/u/depression_butterfly
Created: Mon Oct 1 13:14:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kjd3z/why_are_rice_cakes_so_gross_to_me/
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it feels like I'm eating lightly salted cardboard. I want to love them because rice cakes but I'm not sure how to make them more enjoyable to eat.
[Help] Please validate my dirty chai?
/u/elevenbravo274 [5'7 | 109 | 17.1 | 19F]
Created: Mon Oct 1 13:03:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kj9dq/please_validate_my_dirty_chai/
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Okay sorry I just need someone to reassure me I’m not gonna ruin anything. It’s cold and rainy here and I have to study, so I think I’m gonna get a dirty chai latte. If that’s all I have today I probably won’t gain weight right? (I mean long term not water weight) thanks sorry
[Help] Ballet Beautiful, Total Body Workout
/u/BunnyAwesome [5'7"| F | CW 116 | GW 105]
Created: Mon Oct 1 12:57:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kj7i5/ballet_beautiful_total_body_workout/
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Hello! I'm starting the ballet beautiful hour long total workout tomorrow, and i know its pretty popular so i wondered how people logged the calories burned doing the whole hour? I'm getting an activity monitor delivered soon but I've also seen that some don't pick up on it being exercise, so in case it doesn't what sort of calorie numbers am i looking at burning?
Thanks! 💖
Tmi about iron pills.
/u/SkinnyisSexy [5'7 |125lb|19.6|-23lb|F GW115]
Created: Mon Oct 1 12:41:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kj2fi/tmi_about_iron_pills/
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So I'm 90% sure I'm anemic (bruising, irregular period, the works) I am on my monthly now and decided to take iron supplements with my OMAD. I didn't realize iron was such a fickle bitch.
(This is where vulgar bm talk comes in)
Cramps were terrible and of course the dreaded period poops. I thought it was just normal symptoms I get as I have endometriosis. Nope currently shitting my life away. Iron pills if not digested properly can give cramps, heatburn, indigestion, and you guessed it, the most insane diarrhea ever. Luckily I was at home wearing a pad, thought i had gas..... nope hot iron supplement ass stew. I hope im okay for work. I have three hours to be a functional human that isn't peeing out her ass. Wish me luck. I think I'd rather be anemic.
[Tip] can't poo?? go work out
/u/lightningmcqueef69 [5'5.5" | 114.6lbs | 18.78 | 18 | enby 💛]
Created: Mon Oct 1 12:28:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kixul/cant_poo_go_work_out/
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i s2g i've felt so constipated for WEEKS but the past few days i've gone to the gym and immediately had to shit after i finish my workout lmaoooo
also side note, exercising more has really helped with my food guilt bc i know i'm burning it off :')
Best Starbucks drink
/u/wildcardwonder
Created: Mon Oct 1 12:18:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kiutp/best_starbucks_drink/
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Lately I’ve been obsessed with the vanilla sweet cream cold brew (light ice so you get less ice & more of what you’re paying for)! It’s perfect if you’re craving something sweet but don’t want to consume too much sugar! A grande has 110 calories, a venti has 200 but it has so much caffeine in it so you’ll feel full longer because it suppresses your appetite for awhile. It’s honestly fucking amazing.
[Rant/Rave] [Humble brag/Happy] under 120lbs!
/u/rattles-snakes
Created: Mon Oct 1 12:14:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kite1/humble_braghappy_under_120lbs/
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I started at the end of August at 60kg, and had been fasting the days before that so I imagine my high weight was larger. Before that I was recovere but binge eating for 8ish months, and before that I got down to 51kg. Regrets. Today/October 1st I am 54.7kg! 54.7! Im finally past a third of my current GW/45kg! I am officially under weight! I actually posted photos of my body on my story(usually crop them to my face as I can't hide it). I even sent a snap chat to my better half(what do I call you?) of my thighs? I am still as determined as ever, if not more, to get down the same this month. As disordered as it sounds I'd like to lose a little extra before Christmas so I can go (vegan) ham and enjoy myself fully. Just wanted to share this happy mile stone, its the most euphoric I've felt in a long time and I'm a daily stimulant user.
[Rant/Rave] Weighing yourself after you work out :'(
/u/msfixir
Created: Mon Oct 1 12:11:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kisgv/weighing_yourself_after_you_work_out/
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I didn't actually realize the difference in my weight between weighing in yesterday morning and then after working out yesterday (my lowest out of these weigh ins) and this morning. I usually just weigh in every morning. It was like a 3 lbs different between post workout and this morning.
I'm crushed because I feel like instead of losing a lbs I've gained one when I know that's not true! I know it was probably just water weight I sweated out in my workout but I can't help but feel angry at breaking my fast yesterday after I worked out bc I felt so proud of how far the scale had gone down. Body, why you do this to me??? Why bodies work like this???
[Rant/Rave] its hell
/u/tarantulahospital [5'7 | -40lb | F]
Created: Mon Oct 1 12:09:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kiru3/its_hell/
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im such a fatass that im actually having withdrawals from junk food i really want someone to shoot me
Vitamin recommendation?
/u/ripme-
Created: Mon Oct 1 11:50:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kilqq/vitamin_recommendation/
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Anyone have any multivitamin recommendations? I need something that’s vegetarian, and it would be cool if I could get it with Amazon Prime. Thanks in advance!
Has anyone tried an online therapist?
/u/FruitandBone [5'3 |CW:ohjesuswhatdidido! | F]
Created: Mon Oct 1 11:46:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kikhk/has_anyone_tried_an_online_therapist/
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I have been to a couple therapists irl, but I'm so socially anxious that I have a hard time telling them my issues unless they ask direct and specific questions. Also, I cry easily and leave their office feeling humiliated about it.
I was wondering if anyone has tried one of those online therapy companies. I have a writing degree and just feel like I am much more honest and clear when I can type out my thoughts. Has anyone else tried this, or have other suggestions?
continued raving about my vape
/u/-bluehoney- [5'3" | ƧᏔ 187 | ℂᏔ 177 | ᎶᏔ 120 | ƒ]
Created: Mon Oct 1 11:38:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kihu0/continued_raving_about_my_vape/
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Hi y’all. So today I left my soup for lunch at home on accident. Was gonna run back to my apartment to get it but I was starving at 1 and had to wait for a meeting with my advisor at 2. So I was like ugh okay, I can go to the caf on campus and make myself some Splenda coffee to tide me over.
I walk in and am obviously immediately overwhelmed. It’s buffet hell. I make my coffee but it doesn’t taste that good so I’m like, maybe I shouldn’t drive all the way back home, I’ll just grab some veggies at the salad bar and leave it at that. So I get my small cup of assorted vegetables and throw on a dash of basalmic but it doesn’t taste like anything, and the veggies are kind of stale. So I try to throw some hot sauce on and it’s just disgusting.
Normally at this point I would say fuck it and get a salami wrap from the deli bar and from there binge on whatever else, but I shoved my coffee into a to-go cup, went outside, and am now currently vaping my hunger pangs away.
https://i.imgur.com/yfv5YJF.jpg
Bonus: WiFi on this bullshit campus has been out with random spurts of service every now and then for the past three days with no end in sight from the provider. It’s so frustrating when I need some comfort that I can’t browse this sub! I’m kind of surprised at how bothersome it feels!
Work snack hell
/u/justcallmeamess
Created: Mon Oct 1 11:37:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kihg0/work_snack_hell/
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One of my coworkers is generous enough to bring in snacks and candy for our whole department. It’s really very sweet, and this time she actually brought in some apples that I will definitely be taking advantage of!!
The other stuff is all sugar and fat and salt and I CANNOT start eating it because if I do I will not stop...It’s always an exercise in restraint working here.
Not to mention that my other coworker who is obese and probably doesn’t care much keeps offering me some when she gets snacks. I usually politely decline or just take it and throw it away if I really have to. I don’t want to offend her by saying no all the time but ughhh girl i’m tryna be skinny and goddamn is it hard to not eat a giant sour patch kid when it’s already in your hand.
I’m going to go make a cup of tea now and look forward to my vitamin water zero and quest bar 😬😬😬
Rant over, thanks for reading 😵
I guess I’ll just fucking starve
/u/Lindseyj66
Created: Mon Oct 1 11:33:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kig0v/i_guess_ill_just_fucking_starve/
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In a program where I live with and work with 10 people. We have a shared food budget, my whole team prefers a plant based diet, so I figured I lucked out.
The “leader” just buys whatever the fuck she wants for food and it’s so much processed junk. All I want is some fricken produce in my life. 1 bag of apples isn’t enough for 10 people, we don’t want/need chips, oatmeal cream pies, or pasta.
We have a 20lb bag of rice and we didn’t need 12 bags of fucking pasta! We don’t even have enough pasta sauce to make it palatable, or any peppers/onions to add some bulk. None of us wants the gluteny grains.
I hate not having control, and I don’t really have the budget to buy what I want personally and be able to enjoy the sights of the area we’re in.
Honestly none of this is really a big deal to “normal” people. Some people on my team are definitely not happy but they say they can make do.
I already have issues eating the food because I either want to eat it all so I know I get my fair share, or I don’t want to eat anything because I don’t want to take it from other people.
Having no control makes me want to restrict and binge all at the same time and different days have different results.
I’m just a hot mess right now and needed to vent
[Help] to anyone who has managed to quit purging- how did you do it?
/u/duskedfur [5'7" | CW: 102 | 15.9 | UGW: 100 | F]
Created: Mon Oct 1 11:26:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kidsk/to_anyone_who_has_managed_to_quit_purging_how_did/
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i’m not really aiming to recover from my other ED habits, but i want to stop purging. it’s so awful for my health and i worry so much about my teeth and throat and stomach. i’ve tried telling myself that i can lose weight but can’t lose the damage i’m doing but in the moment, the thought of getting rid of the the calories usually wins out. i’m currently 1 day purge-free and i’m really trying to make it 7 but it’s been really fucking rough trying to stop for the last few weeks. any help would be appreciated <3
[Help] How do blue
/u/Yoni1660
Created: Mon Oct 1 11:05:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ki6rq/how_do_blue/
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How do you do the little blue writing next to your name? Thanks.
Just threw away $6
/u/KaitlynMK
Created: Mon Oct 1 11:04:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ki6ei/just_threw_away_6/
---
Just this morning I was craving something sweet. So my dumb ass decided to get some Starbucks. Not a small little tea. No, a venti double chocolate chip. I felt like an idiot the whole time I was ordering. While walking out I was thinking about how if I drank it I wouldn’t be able to have lunch. I took one drink and threw it away. I waisted money, but that drink wasn’t worth it.
[Goal] september was garbage, here’s to a thinner october!
/u/ScrunchiesandDraino [5’8”| CW: 249| BMI: 🐋|20F]
Created: Mon Oct 1 10:51:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ki28m/september_was_garbage_heres_to_a_thinner_october/
---
personally I want to lose 10lbs by my birthday (november 1st) and october is the month of skeletons SO THINSPO GALORE!!
i’m going grocery shopping today for skinny foods and diet soda, i just hope i can keep this up
[Rant/Rave] to the guy at work
/u/everybhodyhurt
Created: Mon Oct 1 10:51:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ki20t/to_the_guy_at_work/
---
yesterday i ate watermelon cubes, a little sandwich, and a small glass of iced tea. i work in a starbucks inside of a target. so i am still doing a lot of movement during my shifts. yesterday was an 8 hour and i decided to eat because i thought if i didn’t i might have ended up fainting. the guilt hit me so bad. i went to the family bathroom to avoid anybody else hearing me but to my luck, it was occupied. i quickly hurried to the back of the store where everything is back stocked. i saw nobody around so i thought it was safe. i purged, it was awful just as always. my cheeks and nose were all red, i had tears in my eyes and my breath now smelt awful. a glass of water and a couple mints sufficed. i walked out and he saw me. i looked like a mess. i was shaky, crying, and i felt awful lol. he was making his way over to talk to me meanwhile i decided to just walk away like i hadn’t seen him. i also have a thing for this dude so HA not happening now. i literally felt so stupid and guilty because i didn’t think anybody would’ve seen me. idk im just going to waterfast from now on at work. literally never eating at work again lol kill me
[Discussion] What does your goal body look like?
/u/coffee-vanilla
Created: Mon Oct 1 10:46:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ki0hm/what_does_your_goal_body_look_like/
---
So im wondering what you guys want your goal body to look like? For me personally it would be something like this: https://imgur.com/a/5u7ZtbH
I want to be skinny, but athletic at the same time.... What about you?
[Rant/Rave] Coworker called me out on my shitty eating habits as of late, in front of the whole office.
/u/fieryanxiety [5'7" | CW 119 | BMI 19| HW 159 | GW 110]
Created: Mon Oct 1 10:32:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9khvup/coworker_called_me_out_on_my_shitty_eating_habits/
---
I've been struggling lately to stay on track. For a while I was doing really well. Staying within my calorie limits, exercising.. I'm like a walking, talking myfitnesspal. Well my depression is spiraling hard. And once again, I'm turning to food for comfort. I can't seem to control myself. I know it's only a matter of time before I start binging and purging. I'm scared, upset and hopeless.
Today I grabbed a piece of cheesecake from the fridge at work and my office manager (who is significantly overweight) said something like "bet there are alot of calories in that!" and I replied kind of shitty like "yeah, bet there are." then a few minutes later I mentioned something about having Sonic this weekend and she said (I'm paraphrasing) "Wow what's wrong with you lately?? Usually you eat so healthy and you're eating terribly!" (in front of several people) and I'm like "Yeah thanks I know. I'm the one eating it." Then I walked out to the warehouse and cried.
She doesn't know about my ED, but still I feel like that's really fucking inappropriate to say to someone.. I just want to go home right now, crawl into bed and fucking die.
[Discussion] What's a healthy restriction / calorie deficit?
/u/LynCross [152.5cm | BMI: 26.6 | CW: 137lbs | GW: 110 lbs| UGW: 100 lbs | F]
Created: Mon Oct 1 10:32:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9khvs8/whats_a_healthy_restriction_calorie_deficit/
---
I lose weight from eating less and continuing with commuting home but I also don't want to lose muscle. I'm maintaining with 500kcal a day and I feel good so far.
[Help] Need dressing or dip ideas for raw veggies
/u/mmblarg
Created: Mon Oct 1 10:29:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9khv1b/need_dressing_or_dip_ideas_for_raw_veggies/
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I love hummus but all the brands at our store are 60-80 call per 2 tablespoons. I know i’d binge the fuck put of a container... but i hate veggies haha I need something more than a little salt and lemon juice...
Help?
Have you ever been called "stealthy"?
/u/Rotten_Muffin [5"3 | 101 lbs | GW: 100 lbs | 20F]
Created: Mon Oct 1 10:23:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kht46/have_you_ever_been_called_stealthy/
---
Of all the comments about my weight and body, this one has to be one of the weirdest. My coworkers said that because my movement is very dainty, and my footsteps don't make any sound, I make a very "stealthy" girl. That no one sees me coming because I'm always sneaking around.
Now that they mention it, it does happen a lot. I'm always scaring people because they never hear me coming.
Idk, I found it very funny, I'm the most dainty and cute ninja!
Share your fear food(s)!
/u/lexielou48 [5"9 | 114 | BMI 16| ]
Created: Mon Oct 1 10:23:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9khsum/share_your_fear_foods/
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What is y'alls fear food?
Mine is nuts and any type of meat, other than seafood.
What are your low calorie (but yummy) Starbucks orders!!?
/u/Lunabell2
Created: Mon Oct 1 10:01:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9khlxy/what_are_your_low_calorie_but_yummy_starbucks/
---
I love myself a venti hazelnut latte (hot) at this time of year but it’s 319 calories and.. wow. I mean, I can have it but I’d rather use those calories on a literal bucket of egg whites so I actually feel full. So what are your Starbucks orders? Particularly lattes because I love lattes :)
Is it sad that I’m asking for low calories latte orders so I can get one on my way to my ED therapist? Yes? Yeah.
Finally.
/u/ekeddie
Created: Mon Oct 1 09:51:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9khisf/finally/
---
I only had grapes for lunch. So happy my stomach is shrinking and I can stay full with just water.
[Help] Do I really need help or am I secretly fueling my ED?
/u/Appolinaris9
Created: Mon Oct 1 09:48:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9khhui/do_i_really_need_help_or_am_i_secretly_fueling_my/
---
So I'm in law school. I had my ED for like 2 years, and I was really bad with my studies before, but since then, it's been going downhill. BIG TIME. I never focus, I try to, but I just can't, I'm too depressed to even care to attend lectures or think about anything and it's like my life is falling apart and I see it and I just don't have the energy to stop it. I restrict, binge, purge, really struggle with my ED and although I try to get better and high restrict/not restrict to avoid binges/focus on important things in life, I can't and always fantasize about losing more weight.
So here's the thing. I studied for 5 years (in our country it takes a long time) and in about 5 months, the last big exams are due. Everybody has been preparing themselves for weeks and months now - those are people who start studying at 7 in the morning and won't quit until night time, studying hard core non stop and not even doing ANYTHING besides being in the study halls. They started on day one 5 years ago and now, it's the hot phase so they are super motivated. Even they are struggling. I really really tried and told myself that if I start doing it properly now, there is a slight chance that I might pass the exams (remember, you officially need a good year of hard core preparatory studying and still, 60% of those students fail. Yes, really). To be realistic, even if I did really well now, I probably won't have the time to do it until the exams. I could do the exams in 11 months too...but guys, I'm feeling so bad. Thinking about studying another day gives me a panic attack. I love law, I get how everyone's saying you should follow your passion and you can do anything in life, but honestly - I CAN'T. I'M TOO DUMB. I DON'T UNDERSTAND THESE THINGS. I'm highly depressed (long before the ED, but now it's even worse), have a lot of other psychological issues and just can't cope anymore.
But I also feel like if I quit now, there's a voice somewhere telling me 'yay! I can restrict properly again and lose weight and be all miserable and dizzy!'. Like I'm only quitting to further engage in my ED. I don't want to throw my life away for this.
I talked to my mom (she kinda knows about me 'struggling with food', but generally doesnt understand EDs/mental illness and tells me I have no other option than to do those exams and get a job, I'm quite old already (26 now) and I haven't yet finished my uni degree, never worked, and I don't even have an other plan. Which is completely right. I don't have an income and enough money to pay rent/stuff just until my exams. I don't know what to do. I need some proper life advise, guys, for real.
I'd love to get help/therapy, but it will take some months to get a place here. I'd be willing to work like a small job in the meantime (I'd actually love to, to feel useful for once and maybe think about what I actually want) and try to pay my rent and stuff, but I mean, who knows if I can keep up with a job even? What if I get my panic attacks there? It's not a lecture I can just not attend.
I can only lay in bed and cry, that's all I'm able to. Fuck.
[Discussion] ED safe food shopping thread?
/u/nickgalentine
Created: Mon Oct 1 09:40:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9khf7o/ed_safe_food_shopping_thread/
---
What would yall think about a thread for common ED safe foods beyond the Sunday sticky? Like a stickied post but not recurring if that makes sense. I'm curious to see what everyone else goes to and what I might be missing out on. So what are your fave safe foods?
[Help] Medications that have a side effect of weight loss?
/u/eva1588
Created: Mon Oct 1 09:24:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9khad7/medications_that_have_a_side_effect_of_weight_loss/
---
Anyone know of any meds that have a weight loss side effect? I already have adderall..... Have had it for a long time. It doesnt work as well as it used to because I have built up a tolerance. I am looking for more of a sedative, but anything that makes you loose is fine. Any suggestions?
[Rant/Rave] Life:
/u/HellloHannah
Created: Mon Oct 1 09:09:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kh5ag/life/
---
Life: Sometimes I wanna kill myself...and then I don't. XD
[Rant/Rave] Happier on the relapse?
/u/TheRealMarsRover
Created: Mon Oct 1 09:05:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kh49p/happier_on_the_relapse/
---
Over 5 years ago, I was super depressed and anorexic. I had anxiety and my ED was my coping mechanism. I’m 6’ tall and my lowest weight at that time was 128. I’ve been recovered for 4 years but recently relapsed 2 months ago for now apparent reason, and it’s so different this time around. I’m so happy and restriction makes me feel powerful, almost makes me feel giddy. I’ve dropped 20 lbs since the start of August and I’m so proud. I’m almost into 18 BMI and restricting just makes me feel on top of the world!
Anyone else have a relapse experience like this?! I honestly feel like I’ve never been happier. I love my job, my kids, my family, my body...I also just love restricting and getting smaller.
[Rant/Rave] Running is helping me change hopefully for the better 😊
/u/Isaidbiiiitttttttchh [Height 5’9”| HW:216| CW:150 | GW: 132 Gender: F]
Created: Mon Oct 1 08:53:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kh0h4/running_is_helping_me_change_hopefully_for_the/
---
I spiraled into disordered eating habits slowly. I have just realized that they progressed when I noticed others smaller than me. It became a competition. If I’m competing with someone I’ll push myself and eat 500 calories every other day just to win!
I think running is now replacing this weight loss competition and I couldn’t be happier. I have to eat to complete my running workouts plus this is something I can actually tell other people about without fearing judgement.
This is not to say my disordered eating habits are gone (I wish!) yesterday I had to convince myself it was ok to eat a 80 cal cheese stick which I didn’t end up eating because it didn’t seem worth it.
I have a run coming up that a coworker will also be at and she’s been running for years. My goal is to beat her! She runs a 28 minute 5k
You guys are just so supportive I just wanted to share an insight I made about myself today 😊😘
When the Starbucks barista adds one shot of non-SF vanilla because she ran out of SF 3 pumps in..
/u/Arionai [5'8 | CW: 129 | HW: 250 | -121lbs | 18F]
Created: Mon Oct 1 08:44:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kgxpk/when_the_starbucks_barista_adds_one_shot_of_nonsf/
---
She didn't even bother to tell me when she gave me the drink, I normally double check when recieving it but I felt it was off when I watched her get rid of the SF syrup, look around, then just grabbed a pump from the syrup area.
Wanted to cry when she told me, regular people wouldn't care about 20-30 kcal but it takes my 65 kcal drink up to 90 kcal. It was really humiliating having to ask her to remake it with a different syrup :/.
[Discussion] Cron-o-meter?
/u/alienatkerba
Created: Mon Oct 1 08:30:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kgth7/cronometer/
---
Anyone use this app? I like that it doesn't give me crap about my intake, and that I can reliably enter at nutritional into by scanning the barcode.
The diary and recipe builder are also great, but the trends graphs are always inaccurate bc they count by macros which aren't defined in every food entry.
I just wanna see my intake perfectly represented in a line graph!!
New bathroom doesn't have a full-size mirror.
/u/Flesh-And-Bone [Too Short | Too Fat | Too Old | Duderino]
Created: Mon Oct 1 08:20:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kgqlq/new_bathroom_doesnt_have_a_fullsize_mirror/
---
Old bathroom had a giant full-size mirror in it which resulted in tons of lost time on body checks and self-hatred. New bathroom does not. This has its upsides (less body obsession) and its downsides (get paranoid that I'm hugely bloated and can't verify it).
SOMEDAY I'LL BE NORMAL I SWEAR IT
[Rant/Rave] new boyfriend = alllllll the bad foods :(
/u/fweakybby [5’5” | 132| 22.0 | 68lbs | F]
Created: Mon Oct 1 07:42:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kgfgy/new_boyfriend_alllllll_the_bad_foods/
---
i’ve seen people post about this before but now it’s happening to me and i’m starting to panic. i’m 99% sure he’s aware of my food issues. i told him i had already eaten around 1,000 calories & he told me that’s still below normal, most people eat 3x a day and i’ve only eaten once, etc. it’s distracting me from my goal in a way. i did hit 125 which is 5 off from GW but now i’m convinced i’ll never hit 120 because he lives with me and eats like a normal person. :( i’m so scared i’m going to get fat. i already feel like i’ve gained.
[Rant/Rave] My mum keeps talking about my cousin’s ED relapse
/u/hollyy___ [5’08” | CW: 134lbs | BMI: 20.37 | WL: 21lbs | GW: 117lbs | 17F]
Created: Mon Oct 1 07:17:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kg8l7/my_mum_keeps_talking_about_my_cousins_ed_relapse/
---
So I have this cousin who struggled with an ED like early this year/last last year. She lost a bunch of weight but started recovering. Well a few months ago apparently she relapsed and has started losing more weight. My mum keeps going on about it to me and how tiny she’s gotten and she keeps pointing out that she wears size 6 clothes now. I don’t know if maybe she’s trying to make a point to me because she knows I don’t eat much and that my weight is dropping but honestly it’s just fuelling my habits. Like my cousin is about the same height as me and she had a bigger SW than me and obviously we have similar genetics so I just keep thinking if she can do it so can I. Not to mention the fact that size 6UK is my goal.
[Rant/Rave] this is so much better
/u/sleepyboyblue [5'5 | CW 110 | GW 80 | M]
Created: Mon Oct 1 07:12:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kg747/this_is_so_much_better/
---
it's 2am so of course night b/p cravings. i was just thinking about what to get when my stomach rumbled, and i realised i felt completely empty and fucking starving and i love it. who needs food, this is a hundred times more satisfying
[Rant/Rave] Why are made-for-TV female characters so skinny?
/u/anxthekitten [5’5.5 | 16F | SW 155lb | CW 141.6lb | UGW 110lb]
Created: Mon Oct 1 07:11:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kg6w6/why_are_madefortv_female_characters_so_skinny/
---
I realized this while watching some movie on Netflix that was probably on the Hallmark channel. They’re usually always like nobody actresses but are so slim, I don’t even see a little flab or roll when they sit down. I even remember my mom watched a Christmas movie a few months ago on their little July special that Hallmark does and she made a comment about how they always use skinny girls. That made me think like, why? Why is it that there’s only a few handful of movies with girls of all kinds of sizes, not just (im not even saying lean/slim) skinny. I don’t know, it was just like indirect thinspo the whole time on these movies. Even Lifetime movies too though, I love those a lot but the girls don’t even look normal-thin so it makes me feel even worse...
[Help] Is MiraLAX habit forming? Sorry TW for being gross
/u/madeinny88 [5'8" | 125 | 19.0 | 30/F ]
Created: Mon Oct 1 06:45:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kfzzy/is_miralax_habit_forming_sorry_tw_for_being_gross/
---
I know it’s supposedly non habit forming but I need to know from people who have experience with it whether this is true. I used to be addicted to laxatives and could not shit without them. I do NOT wanna go through being addicted to laxatives again, I’m just looking for something to take OCCASIONALLY when I am backed up. Helpppp. Please and thanks 💕❤️💕❤️
[Goal] This ends today
/u/throwaway002300 [26F | 5’3 | CW 102 | BMI 18 | GW ???]
Created: Mon Oct 1 06:26:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kfvdp/this_ends_today/
---
Okay y’all, you’re my witnesses. My goal starting today is to stop b/p sessions. I’m not going to go home, b/p and then spend the rest of the night recovering. Instead, I’m going to cook dinner for my husband and eat some progresso light soup. Then I’m going to make use of my time and clean up the house and spend time with him. My priorities need to change and I’m starting that today. I’ve spent too much time and energy on this stupid habit. Wish me luck
[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! October 01, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Oct 1 06:16:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kft27/weekly_stats_update_october_01_2018/
---
This is the weekly status thread for October 01, 2018.
The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.
Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):
* Height:
* Current weight (CW):
* Highest weight (HW):
* Lowest weight (LW):
* Goal weight (GW):
* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):
* Weight lost (WL):
* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))
* Age:
* Gender expression:
Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:
* Height:
* CW:
* HW:
* LW:
* GW:
* UGW:
* WL:
* BMI:
* Age:
* Gender expression:
*****
Status threads are posted every Monday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! October 01, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Oct 1 06:16:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kft1d/daily_food_diary_october_01_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for October 01, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Discussion] Worst part of the day?
/u/Ednosonline [175 cm/5'9" | 65 kg/143,3 lbs | BMI 21,2 | -2 kg | Female]
Created: Mon Oct 1 06:12:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kfs35/worst_part_of_the_day/
---
Sorry for overposting. Just feeling the "new week new start".
So, WHAT is your most difficult part of the day? I would absolutely say evenings because that's always when I binge/give in. Mornings are usually fine. Then again afternoons at work can be really f*cking hard with a groaning stoumach and no energy to focus...
[Rant/Rave] Post bday mini rave
/u/coffee_and_vape [5'2'' | CW: 133 :c | GW: 111| UGW: 95 | -77.2 | F]
Created: Mon Oct 1 06:12:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kfs06/post_bday_mini_rave/
---
Got up again and got a Gatorade, but my bf’s mom was up. I immediately apologized for getting sick last night and she said, “Don’t apologize! It’s ok. You’re a lot smaller than us so we’ll just be careful next time. It was a lot of food too. “ I’m still waking up, but I’ll be riding on this all day. 😂
[Discussion] Hierarchy of needs: seeking input!
/u/linedryonly [5'5"♀| CW 135 | SW 145 | LW 102 | GW 110]
Created: Mon Oct 1 06:12:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kfrz4/hierarchy_of_needs_seeking_input/
---
I'm going through Maslow's hierarchy to identify non-food-related ways of satisfying the varieties of human need. The basic idea is: if I can satisfy all of my physical and emotional needs without food, then I ultimately overcome my need for food due to being fully satisfied. This is what I've come up with so far, but I'd like more input. Please weigh in and I'll repost with all relevant submissions!
https://i.redd.it/1wfs4qw7ekp11.png
Master Cleanse and coffee?
/u/DuggarThrowaway123
Created: Mon Oct 1 06:05:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kfq8x/master_cleanse_and_coffee/
---
So I'm doing the master cleanse starting today. It's where you drink this mixture of lemon juice, cayenne, pure maple syrup, and water throughout the day for like 2 weeks. How badly do you think adding black coffee would effect my results? I'm not really doing the cleanse to "cleanse my body of toxins" or whatever, I just want to lose but I don't think I'll make it through 5 days of work without coffee
Feeling vindicated and absolutely crushed all in one go
/u/Kummerspeck101
Created: Mon Oct 1 05:50:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kfmrb/feeling_vindicated_and_absolutely_crushed_all_in/
---
My in all other respects wonderful boyfriend just admitted that one of the reasons he said no to me when i proposed a couple of months or so ago is because i am mentally ill and have troubles with myself and we all know that this is never going to go away entirely and im always going to have weeks long episodes of depression and anxiety sooooooo
Food for thought, I guess. Not sure if this is the right sub for this but hey i am so lonely and feeling so alone and i do not know how to deal
What does your tracking look like? It’s been a bad week but here’s mine!
/u/confusedchickenleg
Created: Mon Oct 1 05:40:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kfkps/what_does_your_tracking_look_like_its_been_a_bad/
---
https://i.redd.it/7ww9rxvt9kp11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] The overlooked ED demographic
/u/MildMannerdPate
Created: Mon Oct 1 05:30:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kfig0/the_overlooked_ed_demographic/
---
Whenever anyone thinks of ED they picture an underweight girl. I was even reading an article on feeling cold and it referred to my “cave girl mind” trying to regulate body temperature. Nobody every thinks the guy who used to be overweight and is now shredding pounds could have ED. The worst part about losing weight is how everyone is so proud and tells you how great you look even though you still look fat as hell and need to lose more. I hear that as “you look good now but could look better if you keep it up”. I even felt guilty about eating 300 calories of sushi yesterday. It’s good I guess because you can fly under the radar and avoid suspicion. But it makes me thinks a lot of people aren’t getting the help that they need and even though women have body acceptance movements, there’s little love given to men by these movements. Guys pretend they think they look great because it’s ingrained in our masculinity that we have to exude confidence but that’s really not the case. Masculinity is fragile and every guy has deep seated doubts and insecurities although they will never admit it. The overweight ED demographic is so overlooked by modern culture too. I got overweight by just binging as most Americans do. What’s to say their binging is worse than what we do. At least when we lose weight we aren’t clogging our arteries and giving ourselves diabetes.
[Rant/Rave] I’m Unreasonable
/u/_Pulltab_ [5'7"| CW 160| 25.1| WL 37 | F]
Created: Mon Oct 1 05:20:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kfgci/im_unreasonable/
---
I have been bouncing up and down a couple of pounds every day for the last few weeks and this week, I’m finally down 3 pounds from a week ago, so I think the stall is over. An I know 3 pounds is reasonable, and on the high end of what’s considered “safe” and yet I’m still disappointed. I have been hovering right above my current goal weight for weeks and I still have another 20-30 pounds to go before my UGW.
Why can’t I be happy with what I’ve accomplished so far?
[Discussion] Little Black Book
/u/subtleskeleton
Created: Mon Oct 1 05:19:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kfg7g/little_black_book/
---
I use MFP, and Lose It, and my scale app tracks my patterns. Still, I keep a little black book with charts of my weight and body fat and BMI and god knows what else, and delight in setting up my new month with my new chart and goals.
DAE do shit like this? How many trackers is too many😂?
Regarding my boyfriend’s ex:
/u/oxygens_overrated [5'4|CW:126|LW:113|GW1:125 |18F|]
Created: Mon Oct 1 04:24:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kf51q/regarding_my_boyfriends_ex/
---
I can’t wait until the day she sees me. It will be at a library, or at a coffee shop. I’ll be sitting there, engulfed in my literature, oblivious to her stares. Her breath will hitch, heart miss a beat. She will focus in on the pencil, dangling between my delicate fingers, a fragile hand hovering in the air in between taking notes. The shock will overcome her, leaving her breathless. She wishes she could be just as ethereal.
Then he will return to his seat next to me. He will place a light kiss on my carved cheekbone. A pang of jealously will run through her.
The boy who’s heart she broke no longer misses her.
Instead, his hands run up and down my slender shoulders, laying to rest on my tiny thighs. She feels her stomach drop, knowing mine is light in my chest. She will watch the way his eyes light up when he looks at me, and how his lips turn upwards into a grin when I catch his stare.
She was replaced, by me.
She will know that all the nights where he would cry over her are over. Replaced by him holding my small body against his. My existence will be a painful reminder of her mistakes. The way my collarbones caught the sunlight that day will be burned into her memory every night. She will spend hours recalling the way my shirt draped over my hipbones. And I will rest peaceful, engulfed in the arms of my lover, knowing that he is over her.
[Help] SOS! My morning droppings murder toilets!
/u/RachAgainstLeMachine [5'3 🌻 CW: 93lbs 🌻 21F]
Created: Mon Oct 1 04:18:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kf3uw/sos_my_morning_droppings_murder_toilets/
---
I swear this post is 100% serious. Sorry for the TMI but we should be used to it here.
Does this happen to anyone else??
Every morning I poop at the exact same time. The only problem is my poops are the size of goddamn logs because of all the fiber I eat. Because of this, whenever I flush, the big long log tries to go down the hole, but 9/10 times it doesn’t work and the toilet becomes clogged.
I live with my boyfriend and his family and I always blame it on the toilet but it’s really just my big poos:(
Is this normal? Does this happen to anyone else?
Can someone remind me of that website that was suggested a while ago as an alternative to LoserTown?
/u/eightstone [Height: 5ft 7 | CW: 8st 6lbs| BMI: 19 | Gender: F]
Created: Mon Oct 1 04:01:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kf0l1/can_someone_remind_me_of_that_website_that_was/
---
It was really simple to use and you entered in the weight you wanted to be by a certain date and it told you what your calorie intake would have to be between now and then to make that happen. I can't seem to find it now.
[Rant/Rave] The mindset is so powerful
/u/ZoAbii [5"2 | 18.5 | Female]
Created: Mon Oct 1 03:59:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kf06v/the_mindset_is_so_powerful/
---
Does it freak out anyone else how easy it is for your mindset to change? Three months ago I was probably at the best I've been - paying more attention to nutrition, and trying to provide what my body needs. I learnt to cook some new, healthy recipes, and I was proud of myself. I set a goal for myself to only go grocery shopping once a fortnight, and spend as little as possible.
​
I started to fall into OMAD, and it became easy - I actually lost some weight. This lead me back to occasionally fasting. Then, my boyfriend and I almost broke up which ensured a bunch of self-hate and irrational thoughts. He and I have worked through the issues, but MY issues still remain. I hate this mindset, I was happier when I didn't give a damn and ate intuitively. I thought to myself today, "how did I end up back here? I don't want to be here?".
[Help] Help me define a binge...
/u/PM_ME_BrusselSprouts [5'3" | CW: 165 | BMI: 30.0 | 33, F]
Created: Mon Oct 1 03:50:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9keyh2/help_me_define_a_binge/
---
When I was younger I did the typical binge when I binged (went to several different restaurants/stores, loaded up on tons of crap, ate it in one sitting in secret). Now that I'm "older" (ugh) I will do OMAD and eat 1000-1500 calories in one sitting, which feels bingey.
Yesterday was the first alcohol free day I've had in a week, so I got fast food, then I proceed to eat some toast, Fritos, etc. It was a bit out of control (2500 cals for the whole day, which is actually close to my TDEE) but not full-on binge... Maybe??
I just want strict parameters (don't we just love those) for a binge-free October. It can't be anything as strict as "don't eat unplanned foods" but nothing as obvious as "4000 calories in an hour is a binge."
Help a sister out?
[Goal] No offense but I miss looking like a crackhead
/u/Bookeisha [182 cm | 57.3 kg | BMI 17.3 | M ]
Created: Mon Oct 1 03:20:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kesx4/no_offense_but_i_miss_looking_like_a_crackhead/
---
My cheeks: were hollow
my skin: clear
My mind: delusional
My anxiety: gone
[Rant/Rave] I was doing so well yesterday
/u/TurnTechAstraeus [5 ft 4|116lb|GW: 110|19.86|Not Enough|Nonbinary]
Created: Mon Oct 1 03:11:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kerax/i_was_doing_so_well_yesterday/
---
I've lapsed again, still feel like a fake though cause I ate nothing yesterday apart from a share bag caramel buttons and quarter of a cereal bar before going to work and working a 6 hour shift and then managed to not eat until I'd had two alcoholic drinks and crawling into bed... Where I proceeded to eat six crackers and three handfuls of malteaser buttons.
I'm so pissed off guys I was doing well and I fucked up cause I drank on an empty stomach. I'm gonna attempt to make up for yesterday today because I need to make up for it and I'm freaking out that I'm not attractive to my partner anymore, I know I could just ask like a rational and normal human being but my brain says 'just lose weight you'll be more attractive' 🙃
[Discussion] DAE get triggered by the material your bf consumes?
/u/avakadava [5'6.5" | 130 | -24]
Created: Mon Oct 1 03:06:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9keqb6/dae_get_triggered_by_the_material_your_bf_consumes/
---
My boyfriend was reading Supergirl comics, and was comparing the old super girl to the new super girl. He was complaining how they've made her clothes much less revealing, probably due to feminism and everything. And then he showed me the 2005 vs. the 2016 super girls which you can see here:
​
[https://readcomiconline.to/Comic/Supergirl-2005/Issue-2?id=30889#2](https://readcomiconline.to/Comic/Supergirl-2005/Issue-2?id=30889#2) \--> 2005 version
[https://readcomiconline.to/Comic/Supergirl-Rebirth/Full?id=83400#3](https://readcomiconline.to/Comic/Supergirl-Rebirth/Full?id=83400#3) \--> 2016 version
And then he was like oh and the new one's so fat! I don't like her.
Now my new goal is to look like the 2005 super girl
​
i forgot how addictive this is.
/u/haleul [5'9 ☆ GW: 120 ☆ 17F]
Created: Mon Oct 1 03:03:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kepsf/i_forgot_how_addictive_this_is/
---
i always insist that i don’t have an ed because it’s off and on. i go through a while heavily restricting / fasting only to switch to a period of time where i’m binging all the time and eating abnormally large quantities of food. i just convince myself that because i keep gaining weight or staying the same that theres no way that i get to claim i have something so horrendous.
but then i remember periods of time where i render myself too weak to get up out of bed, or when i fainted and hit my head in my bedroom, or those times where my heart started beating so fast that i thought i was gonna die. when i ate so much that i was in pain and spent twenty minutes in front of the toilet arguing with myself about whether or not i should purge this time. i forget that sick rush i get when restricting - how this is the only time i feel slightly happy with myself and in control. seeing the number go down is the ultimate satisfaction for me and i wish it wasn’t. i can see this getting worse soon. i’m worried for myself but i don’t want to stop it.
i think i have an eating disorder. i can’t really keep running from the label anymore.
[Other] A stranger asked me if I was okay. I want to cry.
/u/losemore [5'10" | BMI 19.61 | -49.8lb | 22F]
Created: Mon Oct 1 01:39:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kebod/a_stranger_asked_me_if_i_was_okay_i_want_to_cry/
---
I posted a mirror selfie on my Instagram earlier. The last time I posted a photo where my full body was visible was when I was about 25 lbs heavier than I am currently. I don’t look overly great in it, I’m hungover and not wearing makeup and very dehydrated so my face is a bit more sunken in than usual, and various bones are pretty prominent. But I thought my outfit was really cute and genuinely felt okay with how my body looked in the photo which is rare.
A random person who’s followed my IG for awhile but who I don’t know / have never talked to sent me a DM, basically saying sorry if she is making any assumptions but asking if I was okay and that she knows we don’t know each other but thought she would reach out and let me know she’s always there if I wanted to talk.
Ya’ll, I was shook. Because I’m not okay. I’m fucking struggling at the moment, I feel completely out of control, increasingly depressed, anxious and isolated. And slipping further and further into my ED by the day. But not one person I know IRL has asked me if I’m okay. They all either compliment or make inappropriate comments about my sudden weight loss / body or ask me how I lost weight.. **But nobody has actually asked me if I’m okay**.
Someone actually cares enough to ask, even if it’s an internet stranger. Someone noticed that I am struggling, and I can’t even put into words how it makes me feel. It’s a bittersweet feeling but has made me feel the slightest less alone.
It’s my birthday
/u/khristy313
Created: Mon Oct 1 01:27:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ke9gq/its_my_birthday/
---
And I’ve had nothing to eat today. Definitely not hungry at all, for once. Cracked open a bottle of wine. Finishing my last cigarette in my pack. My boyfriend is on vacation in Hawaii, couldn’t go because I was stuck at work. Missed our anniversary on the 30th too. Broke up with my best friend tonight. Happy fucking birthday to me.
I wish I had never recovered
/u/tipsytoess
Created: Mon Oct 1 01:22:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ke8ke/i_wish_i_had_never_recovered/
---
I fucked up and scrolled through my old Tumblr. I saw pictures of me at my LW. I can't believe how fucking tiny I was. I've gained 40 pounds since then and I'm still small but obviously not as small as I was. I feel disgusting. I want my old body back. I don't care how painful it was. How every inch of my body ached all the time. How I got to the point that I couldn't walk across a room without my knees giving out. I want it back. I want to look like that again. I've lost 10 pounds so far but I'm just so concerned that I'll never be that small again.
Has anyone ever
/u/HellloHannah
Created: Mon Oct 1 01:07:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ke5su/has_anyone_ever/
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reached their goal weight by being vegan and just eating lots of vegetable and exercising a lot? not restricting.
Korean exercise for thigh gap!
/u/chunkychigger
Created: Mon Oct 1 00:57:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ke3ql/korean_exercise_for_thigh_gap/
---
https://youtu.be/3Pn3rs_LCfQ
[Discussion] irrational fears
/u/deadgirlaesthetic
Created: Mon Oct 1 00:52:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ke2zc/irrational_fears/
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does anyone else get extremely irrational fears/anxiety over crazy things? Recently, the death of an ex-lover has been plaguing my thoughts. (the only person i truly ever loved, if that is useful info at all) im afraid he is going to die. i keep thinking of his funeral and having breakdowns. especially before going out or going to work, ill think of him dying and start crying and eventually have an anxiety attack thinking about it and by then im a sobbing wreck. this fear is becoming constant for me. im sooo unnecessarily nervous about him dying it makes me sick in the stomach and feel like it’s in a constant knot, which helps me not eat which is good but still, i want this fear to ease :(
[Help] a boy im seeing /might/ have an ed?
/u/honeybabyiris
Created: Mon Oct 1 00:17:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kdwa5/a_boy_im_seeing_might_have_an_ed/
---
mentioned i was on caffeine pills while on a date w this guy and he asked me if ive ever heard of bronkaid so i played dumb and he explained what an ec stack was lmao as if i havent been on an ec stack every weekday the past two months
then i went far back on his instagram and he’s lost quite some weight, gained, and lost the past two years, but he’s way leaner now and probably at his lowest. his kitchen was devoid of anything with calories and the coffee we met up for he didnt even finish. i know i shouldn’t jump to conclusions and im probably reaching affff but holy fuck i cant imagine what dating a anyone who has/had a history of an ed would be like. we immediately hit it off, there was no lull in the conversation, flirted hard, fucked hard, havent stopped texting since we saw each other last. would we walk hand in hand the sweet road of recovery or would we spiral together and it’d just be 10x more toxic than every single relationship ive had w a man?
has anyone experienced this or at least anything close? was the ed brought up early in the relationship or later on? was the ed too much for the relationship? i cant get enough of him n i dont know if im ready and i probably just answered my own question but ahhhhh
I’m going to recover
/u/TumericTea [5'4 | 143 | 24.5 | gw1: 120|18F]
Created: Sun Sep 30 23:50:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kdquw/im_going_to_recover/
---
I had a wake up call tonight. A friend who knows about my ED told me that if I got any worse they’d have to tell my mom. I realized that I do not have to be underweight to be sick. I am not healthy. I am not happy. Food is not the enemy. I’m leaving this sub because I want to love my self. It will be hard, but I know it will be worth it. I care about all of you. I hope we can all get better one day.
53 hours into a fast and I broke... blame it on the unicorn cake... fml
/u/sos84
Created: Sun Sep 30 23:29:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kdmhi/53_hours_into_a_fast_and_i_broke_blame_it_on_the/
---
https://i.redd.it/vulhtdabfip11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] The birthday oops
/u/coffee_and_vape [5'2'' | CW: 133 :c | GW: 111| UGW: 95 | -77.2 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 30 23:27:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kdm0f/the_birthday_oops/
---
Long story short, got way too drunk at my birthday dinner. Just woke up, but at least I purged pretty much everything. Ty Tylenol and alcohol lol. Back to our regularly scheduled restriction. 🙌
Saw myself in a reflection and I looked deathly sick.
/u/Hairless_Human [6' | CW 136.5 | BMI 17.77 | WL -143.5 |M 21]
Created: Sun Sep 30 23:25:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kdlrf/saw_myself_in_a_reflection_and_i_looked_deathly/
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I was browsing at Walmart and the freezer doors showed my reflection. At first I didn't think anything of it but a rando chick walks by and I hear her "whisper" "holy fuck he's skinny" made me feel pretty fuckin awesome but when I looked in the reflection I saw how skinny I really was no dismorphia blocking me or anything just straight reality. My normal brain is saying BRO what are you doing. But my ED brain is saying keep going fatty it's not enough. I then proceeded to put back the flaming hot ripples chips :( . TMI ahead. Which sucks cause those things make me poop like no tomorrow. Don't want to go to laxatives yet so I will eat food that gives me the super poops regardless of calories to empty me out from several days of no pooping. Why does tomato soup make me not poop for days?? Only 220 calories for a whole can which is only 20 above my limit for a day.
[Discussion] Is it counterproductive to not drink enough water when fasting.
/u/mmblarg
Created: Sun Sep 30 23:09:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kdii5/is_it_counterproductive_to_not_drink_enough_water/
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Today I had nothing but a can of zero cal Monster white. No water no food, just the one can. I’m curious how bad that might be to do and if it’ll make weight-loss slower.
I honestly didn’t mean to, just today has been exceptionally depressing and my body didn’t even hint that it needed any water
[Rant/Rave] Laxatives: what the fuck was my day
/u/music_saves_me [5'3F | CW:106 | BMI:18.8|GW:100| UGW:95lbs]
Created: Sun Sep 30 23:07:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kdhy6/laxatives_what_the_fuck_was_my_day/
---
Y'all oh my actual fucking god, this happened maybe an hour ago. To start this began this morning.
I woke up after my boyfriend went to work and took some laxatives that would've hit either before he got home or when I went in to work.
Due to stuff I called out and was with him and it never hit.
Thinking that I bought them for cheap I was thinking they were just kind of a dud.
Until the urge did hit.
You know the stomach rumbles indicate soon you'll be shitting.
Me being a shy restroom user decides to hold it in for a long ass time since my bf and I are at a friends apartment.
Suddenly I know i *will* have to go and I have 15 min max.
There's a gas station not too far so I tell my bf I'll be back soon and am going there.
The thing is it's dark and this isn't the best area.
Here's when the laxatives save me.
I had been going the wrong way for a little bit and when I realized I started to turn back. Except someone there. A sketchy ass person who isn't letting me go forward. They start grabbing my arm and when I pull away they hit me. I am so fucking mute and scared at this point I struggle a little but can't scream out. After they get reallly close pulling me in. I tell them to back off and feeling their 'thing' I literally just shit myself when they put their hand on my ass. I partially could not at all help it. I was terrified and they were completely disgusted and left after I got passed them.
Had to walk 50min home with the threat of shitting myself again and no ride bc I can't stand for my bf to find any of this out. That 1) I fucking shat myself and 2) it was bc I was almost raped or molested or whatever the fuck.
I think I'm in shock but this feels surreal.
Do you ever stop and be like, damn I'm fucked up?
/u/IDontLikeLollipops
Created: Sun Sep 30 22:47:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kddpe/do_you_ever_stop_and_be_like_damn_im_fucked_up/
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So I'm p sure I just got sexually assaulted (it's kinda complicated, I'm praying it was unintentional), and on one hand I'm freaking the fuck out because I'm super fucking shook, on the other hand I'm like eh, being super fucking shook is great restriction/purge fuel...
And I'm just like what the fuck is wrong with me?? Who thinks like that???
I hate when the logical brain decides to look at ana and be like dude what up.
Sorry if this doesn't make sense. I've drank a lot on an empty stomach.
I love you guys, you make me feel less alone. Thanks for everything
Being a functioning human is overrated and I hate it. (long recovery rant)
/u/drugstore-diet [◆ 21/F | 5'5" | CW: too much ◆]
Created: Sun Sep 30 22:43:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kdctw/being_a_functioning_human_is_overrated_and_i_hate/
---
Hi first off I am really awful at making posts so!!! This is probably going to be a weird rambling mess. Sorry bout that.
BUT ANYWAY I decided a few months ago to try some sort of self recovery, I guess. Full disclosure I've never been formally diagnosed but I mean I think I can be *pretty sure* when I have spent the majority of the past 2 years skulking through grocery stores buying binge food and then spending the rest of the day/night with my head in the toilet SOO. Also the pizza delivery guy knows my name cause that's how often I order. He kept asking for my number so I started ordering shit off UberEats instead, RIP my Papa John's cravings.
BUT YEAH I went through a nice restriction phase a few months ago and almost passed out trying to hike literally a mile and realized that I have worn my teeth down to nubs and reread Wintergirls, which tbh I thought would trigger me but instead it just made me scared of rupturing my stomach every time I purge. And basically decided that I needed to get my shit together.
Cool that was way too much backstory so let's cut to the
**TL;DR: *EATING "NORMALLY" FUCKING SUCKS AND I FEEL SO FAT AND I AM SO OVER THIS.* **
Y'all for the past year I haven't been going to school, had a job, done anything but sit in my apartment and b/p. 2 months ago I decided I needed to not b/p so all my teeth didn't rot and fall out ya know (as if they're not already halfway there oops). Then 3 weeks ago my fiancé left for his deployment and I moved halfway across the country and started working out and got a job. And I can't eat less. Even if I get triggered **I CAN'T EXIST ON LIKE 600 KCAL A DAY AND STILL DO ALL THE THINGS I AM SUPPOSED TO BE DOING.** AND I FUCKING HATE IT. It is times like these where I am jealous of past me for having the freedom to heavily restrict if I wanted to even if I felt like death. Cause I need to show up to work every fucking day and I need to work out cause I'm trying to get an ass for my fiancé but holy shit I am so not about it tonight. *Functioning* and *living* feels so overrated right now. :/
Ugh sorry this got long and I just...don't know who else to talk to about this. I don't know if any of y'all can relate but thank you if you read any of this I appreciate you all <3
I hate that my eating disorder took away from what could have been some of the best years of my life
/u/ConsistentWing [recovered | 5'7.5", maybe?]
Created: Sun Sep 30 21:43:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kcyoz/i_hate_that_my_eating_disorder_took_away_from/
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Not to brag but I got lucky ... I had so much potential and I squandered it spending age ~18-21 alternating between being too hungry to function or too full of binge bloat to show my face in public.
Ways to stop stomach rumbling
/u/emerlemur
Created: Sun Sep 30 21:11:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kcra6/ways_to_stop_stomach_rumbling/
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The worst thing ever is your stomach rumbling madly in class! Help?!
[Rant/Rave] [Rant] I miss being skinny
/u/kainadian [5'6 | CW: 137.5lbs | GW: 120lbs | UGW: 115lbs| F]
Created: Sun Sep 30 21:10:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kcqzc/rant_i_miss_being_skinny/
---
I miss fitting into my clothes without worrying how I looked. I miss running without feeling my whole body jiggle. I miss how I could feel my hip bones. I miss getting random compliments from strangers. I miss not feeling insecure with my boyfriend. I miss feeling like I am actually worth something...
​
How do I really feel? I feel invisible, like no one gives a shit about me and I am easily forgotten. I feel like that fat tubby friend again. I feel like a 1 or 2, and I'm not sure how my boyfriend even finds me pretty. When I see my boyfriend's friends girlfriends, they are all so amazingly pretty and I'm just....? I don't feel like I even compare to them. I'm scared my boyfriend will meet someone more beautiful than me and leave me. I am so damn insecure and I pretend I'm not.
I've had low self-esteem my entire life, I have no idea how to get over this. I just miss being thin, I hate my body fat. I try to restrict but it's so damn hard, how do ya'll do it?
Dae have Instagram but never post?
/u/peacecorpsquestion3 [5’6 | 120]
Created: Sun Sep 30 21:01:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kcosy/dae_have_instagram_but_never_post/
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I have one cause I’m in high school and it’s weird not true, but I archived all my posts like 8 months ago and haven’t posted anything since, I’m not letting myself until I hit my UGW. I keep losing followers for it lol.
[Rant/Rave] Haha i’m trash
/u/muesally [5’7 | CW: 160 | 25.1 | UGW: 110 | female ❤️]
Created: Sun Sep 30 20:47:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kclcu/haha_im_trash/
---
the guy i’m interested in is going through a really rough time and due to stress & he lost like 10 pounds in a weekend. My first thought is that he’s ungrateful because I wish I had the willpower to do that. but then I realized that’s not normal because he doesn’t have an ED :/ I seriously wish I was one of those people that under stress don’t eat or don’t eat when they’re depressed. I do the opposite because I eat emotionally. I’ve always been jealous of my friends when they go through some shit they don’t eat for like 2 weeks and lose like 20 pounds, simply because food isn’t on their mind. When I get dumped, go through something traumatic, etc. I immediately turn to binging and I HATE it.
what do you guys do after a binge?
/u/actinoid-
Created: Sun Sep 30 20:44:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kckl5/what_do_you_guys_do_after_a_binge/
---
usually it triggers another binge for me. which then results in a purge. what’s your routine?
Man, 1200ip isn’t even being subtle anymore.
/u/Singrgrl14 [5'7" | CW 226.1 | BMI 35.27 | -44 lbs | 23F]
Created: Sun Sep 30 20:43:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kckhv/man_1200ip_isnt_even_being_subtle_anymore/
---
https://i.redd.it/ti7zj91bchp11.jpg
encouragement
/u/emerlemur
Created: Sun Sep 30 20:40:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kcjjp/encouragement/
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Ok so two years ago I restricted a lot and lost a lot of weight so quickly. I ate 300 calories everyday for two months. I’ve put on some of that weight now and I really really just want someone to encourage me to restrict and that I could encourage if they needed, if there’s anyone that would like that then please message me!
Kik: aguuamarine
When food doesn't meet your expectations
/u/strayclouds [5'4" | CW 97 | BMI 16.7 | GW 90|F]
Created: Sun Sep 30 20:29:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kcgmb/when_food_doesnt_meet_your_expectations/
---
I think this a rant idk man I'm on mobile
Does anyone else get extremely upset when you save all your calories for a certain meal and it doesn't taste exactly how you want it to? Like I've been craving a peanut butter sandwich all day but it didn't taste perfect (lmao idk how you can even mess that up) so I've been anxiously pacing around the kitchen for the last hour trying not to cry or fantasizing about cutting open my stomach to get the sandwich out bc yknow that makes logical sense right? I constantly build up how good the food I'm going to eat is when I IF or fast but then I'm always completely disappointed when it doesn't come out how I imagined and throw a temper tantrum or have a panic attack. I'm sorry this doesn't make much sense but I'm just so upset I waited all day for this shit and I'm terrible at purging so now I'm just sitting here. Like the fatass i am. With this disappointing sandwich weighing me down. I feel like 10 pounds heavier.
“Why do you enjoy harming yourself?”
/u/ilovebobabubbles
Created: Sun Sep 30 20:25:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kcfof/why_do_you_enjoy_harming_yourself/
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I fucking don’t, fuck you.
“Why do you enjoy harming yourself?”
/u/makauwau [Height 5’8” | CW 130 | GW 108|]
Created: Sun Sep 30 20:23:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kcf6n/why_do_you_enjoy_harming_yourself/
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I don’t.
Is this a warning sign? Should I be doing something?
/u/Hardseltzer215
Created: Sun Sep 30 20:18:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kcdrp/is_this_a_warning_sign_should_i_be_doing_something/
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Okay this is probably going to just sound like a ramble because I’m a few hard seltzers deep. Basically, I gained 30 pounds while dating this guy after moving to a new city. We broke up and I felt not attractive anymore. I’ve been trying to lose it back. I’m 22 pounds down and getting close to what I was. I’m also working out because I wouldn’t mind a bit of muscle. I’m genderqueer (assigned male at birth) and I just don’t feel attractive anymore. Before I came out I was a sexy twink and now even though I have people going “yass kween slay that makeup” and people telling me I’m gorgeous and to love myself, gay men don’t like me because I’m too femme and straight men don’t like me because I’m not a woman and even most bi men want a manly man or a womanly woman. I feel like I may have subconsciously associated this shift in how I’m seen with my weight and became kinda obsessed with being the perfect weight and being hot enough to still have people be into me. I’m eating like 1200 calories a day most days, except for days like today when I feel like shit and don’t feel like eating and ended up having most of the 700 calories I’ve had been alcohol. . Sometimes I eat more but usually only when I drink too much. I really don’t know where I’m going with this but I spent two hours reading posts from the past month on here and I don’t know that I totally resonate with everything but I also couldn’t stop reading. I just feel like I’m in a super weird place and I don’t know if I have an issue and should try to see someone about it or if I don’t. Life is weird. I’m sorry like I said I’ve drank too much and this is probably dumb and rambly, I just feel lost. To add some details I’m in my early 20s, moved to a city where I know super few people, make good money, constantly feel lonely, struggle with depression/anxiety which most often manifests in letting my apartment get super messy before cleaning it all in a one day binge, and never in the history of my life have I been considered overweight BMI wise even at my heaviest. I don’t know, does anyone have any words to share or something that’d help me feel less lost?
He asked “why do you enjoy harming yourself?”
/u/sonospaventato
Created: Sun Sep 30 20:14:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kccrq/he_asked_why_do_you_enjoy_harming_yourself/
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I fucking don’t
I refuse to walk down the aisle looking like a burrito in my dress.
/u/babybreathheart
Created: Sun Sep 30 20:10:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kcbrd/i_refuse_to_walk_down_the_aisle_looking_like_a/
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I'm getting married in a year and I'm so determined to get in shape before then. I want to go dress shopping without wanting to cry when changing, I want to wear a long backless gown without seeing my back rolls. I want to wear cute bikinis and cute sleezy lingerie on my honeymoon! Thankfully I have a year. Tomorrow is October and it's the perfect time to start.
Water fasting
/u/PancakeNinja13
Created: Sun Sep 30 20:09:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kcbej/water_fasting/
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What is the longest you water fasted for a wha results did you get?
[Discussion] DAE get hungrier knowing they are fasting?
/u/TinyLittleStars66
Created: Sun Sep 30 19:46:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kc55i/dae_get_hungrier_knowing_they_are_fasting/
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I noticed during my last fast, knowing I couldn’t eat made me hungrier! But whenever I don’t plan a fast I could care less about food? I don’t understand why my brain is like “oh you’re trying to fast? Let me just make your stomach growl like a dying wale!” And I cannot tune out my hunger pains knowing that I’m trying to fast.
my lack of control makes me sick
/u/ssakii
Created: Sun Sep 30 19:11:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kbvdd/my_lack_of_control_makes_me_sick/
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this is my first time posting here, so i’m a little nervous but i just need to let this out. i’ve had an eating disorder for around 7 years, and after so many failed recovery attempts, i’ve relapsed once again and am back to restricting. and i can’t even fucking do that right. i’ve been doing well and am 5 pounds away from 100, and then i went out for dinner with friends yesterday. and then we went for dessert. and then i binged when i got home. which led to many tears of course lol. i thought today would be better but because i’m a literal pig i just binged and felt like i would eat forever, it’s like i lost control of my body and just kept shoving food down. i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself
Hydration is so important
/u/lilmdjd [5’3 | CW: 130 | BMI: 23 | LW: 94| - 17| 23F ]
Created: Sun Sep 30 18:51:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kbpvm/hydration_is_so_important/
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https://i.redd.it/6sw7ut6y1hp11.jpg
IM FASTING FOR A WEEK!
/u/conuretrash [5'3.5''| 20 F | CW 148 | GW 115| -42 |]
Created: Sun Sep 30 18:46:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kbooj/im_fasting_for_a_week/
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I ate 4.000 calories today. It wasn't really a binge, it was me trying to make myself feel better because I have three midterms this week. I feel *worse*. Fuck that. I'm not eating for an entire week, that will make me feel better. I desperately need the support though. I'll probably make posts throughout the week for accountability. And the worst part about starting a fast, btw, is the first day because it feels like it doesn't even count. I wish I didn't break my fast for today. The fast only feels good once you get to the second or third day and you feel "powerful". I'm so annoyed I have to wait until Wednesday to feel good about myself.
Be careful on Wellbutrin you guys!
/u/HellAbove [5'8"| 143.0 | 21.5 | -20 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Sep 30 18:46:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kboj8/be_careful_on_wellbutrin_you_guys/
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Last Thursday I ended up having a seizure. Scariest thing in my life. I wasn’t really eating too well or staying hydrated. If you’re on Wellbutrin, please please please take care of yourself. I thought it was game over for me. I was in the hospital for two days. I’m okay now and have since stopped Wellbutrin! But please watch yourselves you guys!!!
oversized fall clothing looks like shit when you’re still fat 😐
/u/Ohshitaghost
Created: Sun Sep 30 18:44:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kbo64/oversized_fall_clothing_looks_like_shit_when/
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Fml. Did not hit my goal weight before our first trip to Europe (we leave Saturday.) I’m going to be that typical fat American and even though all the clothes I ordered from Asos are too big for me I still can’t rock the oversized look bc I’m not thin enough. I hate life.
[Help] i can’t tell if i was purging
/u/beenyolk
Created: Sun Sep 30 18:37:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kbmcj/i_cant_tell_if_i_was_purging/
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I used to purge everyday after almost every meal for a few months about a year ago. i then kept doing it but more sparingly and i eventually stopped and for a while i just ate 800 calories a day. eventually my cravings took over and i started to eat a lot more. if i gained too much weight i’d take a vyvanse and drop it all the next day. however, i don’t throw up anymore and i eat fairly normal now. i don’t take vyvanse bc it makes me feel horrible. but recently i have been eating way too much. and yesterday i was supposed to go to a date function and i realized my weight had gone from 114 to 119.6 in less than 2 days... that’s the most i’ve weighed in over two years. i freaked out when i looked in the mirror and i started throwing up. i didnt do anything to make myself throw up-and i didn’t really want to because i didn’t want to be bloated- but everytime i looked in the mirror or weighed myself again, i’d turn right back around and start throwing up. was this purging? or maybe stress induced vomitting or something?
[Help] How to help brain fog?
/u/angelakarui
Created: Sun Sep 30 18:28:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kbjua/how_to_help_brain_fog/
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When I don’t eat for a few days I develop a bit of brain fog. I’m not as alert/articulate as I should be, and sometimes I do stupid things (like today I poured tea out of the teapot and forgot to pull the lever, so it spilled on the counter lol). Do any of you have experience with this or have any tips to combat the issue?
[Rant/Rave] One Week of Binging/Purging
/u/vavskjuta
Created: Sun Sep 30 18:27:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kbjks/one_week_of_bingingpurging/
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I did it guys, managed to binge and purge every day this past week. Do I get an achievement? /s
Seriously, I eat all my food because I just want to get rid of it so I can start eating healthy again, but I don’t want to waste it. Then I purge it up again, thereby wasting it anyway. Tf is wrong with me
[Goal] Binge-Free October Challenge
/u/emmiinora [4’11 | CW: Too Much | GW: 70 lbs | 18F]
Created: Sun Sep 30 18:27:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kbjkl/bingefree_october_challenge/
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Hi guys! I’m still fairly new to this sub, but I was wondering if anyone would be interested in starting a group chat to stay on track this month? I’d really like to lose 15+ lbs by Halloween and thought talking with others could help me hold some accountability. If anyone’s interested, just comment below!
[Discussion] Am I at goal weight?
/u/coolmistmama
Created: Sun Sep 30 18:19:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kbhew/am_i_at_goal_weight/
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Because my disordered ass, who craves approval, got some high fucking praise today. I was told that my torso (where the ribs are starting to show more!!!) was the best part of my body because of how fragile I am.
And that my collar and shoulder bones were beautiful too. It’s like they looked in the ED handbook for all the perfect things to say.
So now my disordered ass wants to eat even less so I can be even smaller. Only sitting at 500 calories today, with lots of walking, and I think I can be set on food for the night if I stick to my guns.
/humble brag
[Other] Maybe its just me, but i noticed other people with an ED love pickles..?? I mean theyre okay, but i notice more often than not, pickles are always on the "safe foods" list..?
/u/qxmemie
Created: Sun Sep 30 18:17:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kbgwh/maybe_its_just_me_but_i_noticed_other_people_with/
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[Discussion] DAE spends all their money in drinks...
/u/b-carbonate [5’6" | CW: 132lbs | BMI: 21.6 | 🏳️🌈 | 19F]
Created: Sun Sep 30 18:17:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kbgtv/dae_spends_all_their_money_in_drinks/
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...Like coffee or diet anything so I can’t buy food?
I gave myself 10€ a day for food so what I do now is spending most of it in Starbucks or Monster so I can’t eat even if I wanted to:.
Also I feel rich if I go to Starbucks everyday (when I’m actually a student who have to choose between SB and food ha ha)
[Rant/Rave] Being happy when you get sick
/u/milovsflo
Created: Sun Sep 30 17:14:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kb0b3/being_happy_when_you_get_sick/
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I currently have a sore throat and I’ll probably feel even worse tomorrow (cold or something). And I’m happy about it because it means I won’t eat as much and I will lose weight!
With parents like these...
/u/Rotten_Muffin [5"3 | 101 lbs | GW: 100 lbs | 20F]
Created: Sun Sep 30 17:05:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kaxqv/with_parents_like_these/
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I've been trying to recover. After some friends intervention that was such a wake up call for me, I've been trying to be better. Eating a tiny bit more each time, cutting my fasts a little earlier.
Today I really didn't want to eat. But I know how my dad gets when I don't, so I forced myself to have a meal. Eat like a normal person.
After I finished, he said, in a demeaning voice:
*You finished all of that?*
Yes, I did. Fucking dick.
I can’t stop
/u/Phasianida
Created: Sun Sep 30 17:03:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kax7i/i_cant_stop/
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I can’t stop restricting. I am obsessed with what I eat and spend hours reading this sub a day. It’s no longer in my control. I am lost to this obsession.
bank teller told me I lost weight wtf
/u/nb_freek
Created: Sun Sep 30 16:57:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kavf9/bank_teller_told_me_i_lost_weight_wtf/
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Hi! Kind of new here, just wanted to share because I know people here will get it.
I was having a meeting with a financial advisor and she looked at my student card and asked when it was taken. I told her 2016. She said, "Oooh, you lost some weight. That's good!" So blatant, wtf! Is it rude to directly comment on a stranger's appearance like that?? At first I was stoked that it still looks like I've lost weight even though I'm not in the throes of high restricting, like wow maybe my weight has stabilized and I'm not ballooning like I thought I would from eating semi-regularly every day, cool! Then I was like, wow the only reason I lost so much weight is because of my ED - if I'm not high restricting I'm going to go back to where I was ahhhhhh BYE RECOVERY
Man, it's been hard trying to ignore that one. Don't comment on strangers weights k thx bye!!
Holy shit I'm so triggered
/u/peacecorpsquestion3 [5’6 | 120]
Created: Sun Sep 30 16:51:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kats3/holy_shit_im_so_triggered/
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Talking to my grandma today and apparently before she had my mom she was 5'7 and 95 POUNDS. That's even lower than my GW, time to lower it like 10 lbs.
[Rant/Rave] The aftermath of a 12 hour climbing comp
/u/no_worms_onthebed
Created: Sun Sep 30 16:50:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9katnc/the_aftermath_of_a_12_hour_climbing_comp/
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I went to a rock climbing competition over the weekend. It was a 12-hour long endeavor that involved hauling myself up and down rocks for 12 hours straight. Never have I eaten so much shit with reckless abandon. We literally crammed pop tarts and Nutella/honey butter sandwiches into our stupid mouths to keep our energy up.
And now I’m scared that this has seeped into my normal life. I literally bought pop tarts and Nutella at the grocery store today even though I haven’t let myself have them in YEARS.
Is this recovery? Or have I entered the BINGE phase of my ED?
My birthday is coming up
/u/throwwawayyyyyy5
Created: Sun Sep 30 16:45:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kasdr/my_birthday_is_coming_up/
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In my family we go out to eat and then have an ice cream cake for my birthday. Should I Mia it up or just enjoy my day and try and forget the calories? Any advice? I can't get out of eating. My mother knows I used to have a ED but doesn't know I've relapsed.
Buffets....fucking buffet
/u/xlilgirlpoptartx [5'7 | CW: 203 | SW: 245 | GW:135 | F/37]
Created: Sun Sep 30 16:20:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kalml/buffetsfucking_buffet/
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my roommate's going through a pretty rough patch in terms of her family right now, her dad's just had major surgery of which there have been some complications, it did not go as expected and he may not have too long to live....
So I offered to do anything she wanted that might help to cheer her up. And she had just got done saying how someone else had already taken her out to eat earlier and so she was FULL, too full to come eat anymore.
So I'm thinking that it's a safe bet to let her feel in control of something since she definitely feels out of control with what's going on with her dad. And what does she pick?
To go to a fucking buffet!!!
I love this girl to pieces honestly....in a i hate you for the stupid shit you do but fucking love you because you've had my back for 17 years ya bitch from hell....lol
but really she could have made any other choice and I might have had some self control, but it's all over now :(
Guess I'll make it under 200lbs some other week lol or not
Lunch Dudes
/u/Four_Names [5'6"|CW 137|BMI 22.2| -33.9| F]
Created: Sun Sep 30 15:50:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kad03/lunch_dudes/
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Exposition: I’ve been trying to recover from my bulimia for about a year. I’m not quite there yet, but it seems that each month I’m starting to binge and purge less, and I’m not as concerned with/happier with my current body. But today I had a slip up, the cafeteria at my university is buffet-style and sometimes I just can’t help myself. I had already eaten two boxes of Girl Scout cookies, a jumbo cupcake, and thought, “I’ll add something savory to finish it up”. Loaded up the plate and sat in the corner to continue the binge. Afterwards, two guys sat down at the table with me and started talking to me, we talked about connections that have to be made to be successful in our future careers, and they brought up how they go out to find theirs - there isn’t much success to be had by sitting alone. It reminded me of just how isolating this disease is, I leave my friends and people I care about so I can stuff and empty myself and repeat, I curse when the bathroom isn’t empty for me to purge in, alone. I used to avoid going out to eat because I felt like an animal when putting food into my mouth. The draw to bulimia and fucked up eating is so alluring to me, but I can’t live my whole life like this. one day I’m going to push myself in a corner and all I’ll have to show is bad teeth and a ruined body.
[Discussion] I’m sure I’ll never get better lol
/u/sunnyrai99
Created: Sun Sep 30 15:42:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kaaym/im_sure_ill_never_get_better_lol/
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Just had a flashback to when I was like 11 and was at myrtle beach. They had a restaurant with real mermaids, you know the ladies who wear the tails and can swim around and look beautiful? I remember trying to eat my food but being too busy worried about looking like them. Maybe one day! Sure as fuck not yet though I’m still huge! Had another big binge and the scale said I was up 5lbs! Kill me!
[Rant/Rave] Thank God for my new adderall pills!
/u/azuredreamtofsleep
Created: Sun Sep 30 15:40:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9kaaau/thank_god_for_my_new_adderall_pills/
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I have pretty bad inattentive ADD and I decided to try pills again. The last time I took adderall I was prescribed, I was so violently depressed.
So I went to a psychiatrist and got a new prescription for a different generic (because apparently even if they have the same active ingredients, the fillers in pills can sometimes cause dif reactions).
And! They're great! Not bad anxiety, no depression coming off them, but the best part...???
They make me violently gag at even the thought of eating food!!! ☺😆 WOOT WOOT!!!!!! 🎉🎉
[Tip] MISO SOOOUUUP
/u/fish110 [5'3.5"|CW122|GW110|F]
Created: Sun Sep 30 15:30:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ka7kq/miso_sooouuup/
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miso soup is good. Miso soup is great. If you're full but want to continue eating (which always leads to a binge for me :(, make some miso soup. I have this organic low sodium miso thats 30 cal each tbsp, and you can make like .5-.75 liters of soup with 1 tbsp. Its great and i'm super full and don't want to eat anymore lol thought this might help some compulsive eaters :)
[Rant/Rave] Roommate ate my food
/u/Derpy_Purple
Created: Sun Sep 30 15:18:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ka3y4/roommate_ate_my_food/
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Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.
My roommate just ate my low cal, perfectly portioned dinner. And I think I’m having a panic attack?? I just Purged the single piece of toast I had for lunch. Before that I sliced up my wrist for the first time in 2 weeks, which doesn’t sound like much but is really the ONLY achievement in my stupid fucking pathetic life. And now I’m bawling my fucking eyes out in my bed because I don’t know what I’m gonna eat or not eat for the next 2 days because they just fucking ruined it. I feel like I’m going insane. I don’t know what to do anymore, I’m probably gonna go cut again. I don’t know who/what else to do other than type my worthless overreactions on to the fucking internet, bc nobody likes me irl. Sorry for existing.
[Discussion] Any other insect-eaters here?
/u/hypothermi_a
Created: Sun Sep 30 15:18:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ka3wm/any_other_insecteaters_here/
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So cleaned, cooked & seasoned insects have a LOT of protein, little to no fat and a nice flavor. I’m going to start a mealworm farm so I can raise them for easier attainment. I’d love to eat mealworm snacks from Korea but I can’t find any!! I want to try some silkworm pupae fried (in a healthy way) and fried centipedes. I also want some crickets and grasshoppers sautéed in some spices. If it’ll help me lose this suffocating weight, I don’t really care what it is.
[Discussion] DAE take kratom?
/u/Lillie1990 [20F| 5’4 | CW 122.2 | GW 110]
Created: Sun Sep 30 15:15:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ka39l/dae_take_kratom/
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I randomly bought kratom when I went to a smoke shop a few months ago and I’ve totally loved it ever since. So now I order it online and it helps my mood SO much! I’m such a happier person when I’m taking it daily and I haven’t for a month or two so now I’m super stoked Bc I ordered some on the cheap the other day and it’s arriving Tuesday! Just wanted to see if anyone else here takes it bc I’m so excited to start again
[Other] BFO - Anything you binge you must post about.
/u/Ednosonline
Created: Sun Sep 30 14:59:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k9y9f/bfo_anything_you_binge_you_must_post_about/
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Binge free October.
I swear I will post anything I binge. Possibly with photos. Hopefully this will be a completely unnecessary thread but if not, the shame Will be mine...
Pregnant?
/u/Pinkdustbunny
Created: Sun Sep 30 14:39:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k9sdr/pregnant/
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I am 27 years old 5'7 and about 111-112 lbs. I have been lower than that when heavily restricting and I've never missed a period or even been a day late. My period was supposed to come on the 24th and it's now the 30th. I have been eating pretty healthy for the last 4 months and maintaining however I did restrict for a few days last week. I dont know if I'm pregnant or if it has to do with my weight. I dont think I'm low enough to miss my period. Btw I took a test and it came out negative it night be too soon to tell. Also my boobs are a bit sore. Please help me if you know anything about this.
[Rant/Rave] I binged last night/early this morning...
/u/cobra_movement [5'6" | 160 | 26.5 | -4 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 30 14:36:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k9rhl/i_binged_last_nightearly_this_morning/
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...and I am totally ashamed of myself. I was doing so well restricting all week and then bam! Six Oreos, two parfaits, a peach, a piece of breaded chicken and tortilla chips. It was seriously almost like I was possessed. I feel so gross and bloated now. I'm going to give up or anything but I could really use some reassurance that this won't mess up my progress in the long run. I mean, I know it won't, I just really need to hear it from someone else.
Holy shit I knew I had gained but not that much
/u/peacecorpsquestion3 [5’6 | 120]
Created: Sun Sep 30 14:32:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k9qb8/holy_shit_i_knew_i_had_gained_but_not_that_much/
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Right now I’m 123 lbs. I’ve never weighed this much in my life and I’ve let myself go so much. I’ve also never had a BMI in the 20s before now fucking kill me. I’ve let myself go so hard and I never want to eat again.
I just binge ate my feelings and feel like crap
/u/ninthusernamereddit
Created: Sun Sep 30 14:30:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k9pqu/i_just_binge_ate_my_feelings_and_feel_like_crap/
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What do I to hellllp I feel gross
Reflections from 15 years out
/u/nobodysaynothing
Created: Sun Sep 30 14:23:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k9nnn/reflections_from_15_years_out/
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I hope this post is ok—I think I’m staying on the right side of the “no unsolicited advice” rule but if the community doesn’t find this post helpful, please let me know and I’ll be happy to take it down.
Just found this sub and reading your posts made me notice a theme: I may be projecting how I felt when I was active in my ED, but it seems like a lot of you maybe sometimes view your eating disorders as problems “within” you if that makes sense. Like, “I’m such a mess, look at me I can’t control myself, etc.” Which I fully empathize with. Because society says, “you” should go to therapy, deal with “your” issues, stop “your” destructive behaviors, etc.
But it’s not just“your” problem. One thing I learned in my recovery was that an eating disorder is not like my private, secret flaw. It’s not a personal failing. It’s more like we all grow up in a toxic culture, and some of us absorb more than others. Like if your office is right next to the asbestos closet rather than down the hall. Maybe you have a full blown eating disorder whereas other people “just watch what they eat” but it’s just more or less of the same toxic culture. That’s one reason why it’s so hard to recover, because all you can change is you—you can’t actually get the asbestos out of the closet, not all by yourself, not on the timescale that you need to recover. Doesn’t mean recovery is impossible but it’s not just a matter of “stopping” your own personal disordered thoughts.
Anyway, good luck to you all in here. Again, if my post misses the mark, please let me know and I’ll take it down right away. It just makes me so mad that people living with eating disorders are told so often that their personal hell is also their personal failure. It’s such bullshit. It’s a whole culture that makes people sick.
[Discussion] DAE judge your SO's food intake
/u/Ednosonline
Created: Sun Sep 30 14:17:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k9lvy/dae_judge_your_sos_food_intake/
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Please God tell me I an not the only one doing this because I feel so fucking mean for doing this.
I generally don't really mind what others eat, because I only beat Myself up. But in the same time, I really love my SO's hot body and... I don't want them to get fat 😬 And even though they rarely eat crap, I do feel they're eating more than they should. I obviously don't call them out on it because RUDE but I sort of silently register what they eat all the time and I hate it and wish I could stop. I am the sick One, stop fucking projecting!
Prob just me tho...
drunk
/u/winterfoxes_
Created: Sun Sep 30 14:15:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k9l8w/drunk/
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my first meal of today = two pineapple mimosas.
nothing else. fuck i’m already drunk.
talk me, you beautiful people.
Do these calories look right?
/u/lilmdjd [5’3 | CW: 130 | BMI: 23 | LW: 94| - 17| 23F ]
Created: Sun Sep 30 14:12:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k9k9k/do_these_calories_look_right/
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https://i.redd.it/l6zzi2d6ofp11.jpg
[Goal] I’m gonna try to lose 80 pounds in three months, starting this Wednesday. Ho boy.
/u/hypothermi_a
Created: Sun Sep 30 14:05:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k9i75/im_gonna_try_to_lose_80_pounds_in_three_months/
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Ice baths, blackouts, dizziness & migraines here I come! Lmao this is gonna suck, but I HAVE to be presentable before next semester begins. I’ll keep you guys updated every month and I’ll probably rant a lot.
[Rant/Rave] Fuck look what my dad bought me-
/u/BigFrameSkinnyAddict
Created: Sun Sep 30 13:46:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k9cai/fuck_look_what_my_dad_bought_me/
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https://i.redd.it/647xyxbjjfp11.jpg
Is it worth it?!
/u/Taylor991
Created: Sun Sep 30 13:44:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k9bu4/is_it_worth_it/
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Ive been reading about this weight loss system alot lately. Just wondering if any of you guys have tried it. If so what was your experience with it??
https://twitter.com/rogerbailey77/status/1046482433984667649
“You aren’t THAT skinny”
/u/lavenderbruises [5'9"|CW 118lb| 20F]
Created: Sun Sep 30 13:42:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k9b5c/you_arent_that_skinny/
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So I was like “I wish I was curvier” the other day to my cousin, and was complaining that I felt like I was too skinny.
She says, “You aren’t even THAT skinny”. Wow. Ok. I get she was trying to make me feel better but wtf, that hurts. Almost like the time one of my classmates said “You aren’t THAT tall.”
I know I should not let my personal appearance dictate my identity, but its kinda already happened.
[Rant/Rave] I’m having a panic attack
/u/-Summerr-
Created: Sun Sep 30 13:30:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k97cm/im_having_a_panic_attack/
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I’m at the Girl Scout event, and there’s a whole table with desserts. There’s cake, cookies, every fear food is here. I’m actually shaking. Everyone is eating, my whole troop, but I’m just sitting in the corner. None of them are my friends, and I’m sitting here, all alone. My mom left twenty minutes ago, and some of the parents are talking about me, I can hear them. One of my friends (Never talk to her though) just arrived, but I don’t think she’s going to talk to me. Also, one of the people who bullied me (She was a little chubby) has lost weight and she’s thin. For some reason I thought “I wonder if she has an eating disorder.” I just heard one of the other girls say it’s sad that I’m alone, and then they all came over and tried to talk to me. My mom said just to text her when I want to go home, but I’m going to try to stay until 3:15pm. When I leave, I’m just going to take something from the snack table and throw it out when I get home. My social anxiety is KILLING me.
Active peach users drop their user below? 🍑
/u/wooshmedaddy
Created: Sun Sep 30 13:29:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k9796/active_peach_users_drop_their_user_below/
---
Mines Luluna 🤙
[Other] I’m not like other girls (TMI)
/u/getfreefromfood
Created: Sun Sep 30 13:29:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k9780/im_not_like_other_girls_tmi/
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Some girls want diamonds. Others want clothes. But me? I’m interested in the simpler things in life. Things one like me only DARES to dream of. So what is it I want? I just really want a BM.
[Rant/Rave] Binged Last Night & Bingeing Today as Well
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Sun Sep 30 13:20:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k94mb/binged_last_night_bingeing_today_as_well/
---
I'm a mess. The upcoming surgery I have is fucking with my head. Two days away. In 48 hours it will be happening. I'm so scared I'll feel everything.
Definitely ate 3,000 or more cals yesterday. (5'2, most likely around 95 lbs now, female). My boyfriend just left for work again and I'm drinking wine now and eating more. I'm such a mess, its embarrassing, but this bingeing is filling the void. I can't handle my own emotions.
Restriction starts again after the surgery. October is going to be a fresh start. I've already fucked today up. Sorry for my emotional ranting. I love you guys 💕
[Tip] Trouble pooping? Try 2tsp Apple cider vinegar & spicy V8 in the morning
/u/thebonefairy [5ft | CW90 | GW 80| 23F]
Created: Sun Sep 30 12:39:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k8rua/trouble_pooping_try_2tsp_apple_cider_vinegar/
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I don’t eat much but I take in a lot of fiber supplements which makes me bloated and painful backed up for days. I’m adding more solid foods but sometimes, it literally feels like I don’t have decent bowel movement for days.
I’ve been trying out Apple cider vinegar lately. I’ve played around with it:diluting with water, honey, etc and discovered it’s more palatable with spicy V8. I’ve been starting my mornings with that combo before my first cup of green tea and oatmeal and it’s amazing. Has really been really helping me with my digestion issues. I can actually squeeze out a tiny poo at the end of the day now. Lmafooo
I’m a huge fan of simple green organic apple cider vinegar with mother from Kroger. Doesn’t cost too much
When nutritional information is inaccurate
/u/never_alone686 [HW: 140.4 | LW: 97 | UGW: 112]
Created: Sun Sep 30 12:26:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k8nxt/when_nutritional_information_is_inaccurate/
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Just found out that something I've been eating almost daily is 220 calories instead of 150 as listed on its website. I am LIVID lmao how is this acceptable FUCK
Those who live alone: have you tried NOT keeping any food in your apartment?
/u/coconutoilmiracle
Created: Sun Sep 30 12:24:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k8nby/those_who_live_alone_have_you_tried_not_keeping/
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what was your experience? And do you feel like it's helped?
​
Id love to get to that place where like, I simply don't eat at all unless I'm at a social outing for that meal or something. Right now I eat a lot of "safe foods" which means I'm eating close to maintenance anyway but a lot of the foods I'm eating aren't particularly enjoyable or nutritious. It's stuff like rice cakes and granola bars, occasionally the hard boiled egg. If I do more fasting between meals and let myself really enjoy a meal out, I figure it could be better both psychologically and nutritionally
[Rant/Rave] Family brunch purging rant
/u/running_euphoria
Created: Sun Sep 30 12:23:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k8n2l/family_brunch_purging_rant/
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So my bulimia has started to come back. I knew that going to a brunch buffet would be bad but i had no say in the matter since out of town family was here. My uncle said he wants to go up for more food but was too full. I said jokingly, “do as the romans do!”
Well that opened a can of worms!
Of course my sis had to go on this huge judgemental rant about how its so disgusting how bulimics throw up and save their throw up-which i corrected her saying it is only to see how much was purged then throw it away (which i have never done) but god!
She was being so judgmental. You cannot understand the control, and lack there of, when it comes to this disease. It is an addiction!
She also knows that i struggled with bulimia/anorexia for years and i even gave her a look, like bitch do u realize you are offending/upsetting me!?!
So what did i do? I went home and tried to purge all the glutony I indulged.
I wish ppl wouldnt b so judgmental when they have no clue!
Btw, she has always embraced the way she looked whether skinny or bigger.
Are there others out there with fam like this?
[Help] Not “pro” ed at all but this feels like the only ed community who understands, and is ok with talking about, the dark side of this fucking disease. Does anyone have any advice for getting out of a depression/binge period? I don’t purge anymore so I’m literally just gaining weight :(
/u/definitely-not-julie
Created: Sun Sep 30 12:22:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k8mz5/not_pro_ed_at_all_but_this_feels_like_the_only_ed/
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I literally want to stop so fucking badly.
I have a love/hate relationship with purging. I would through up if I had the time, or run and do a ton of cardio until I felt that I had burned off the amount that I had eaten. I literally feel so out of control with binging that at least I was able to do damage control, and in hindsight I wasn’t even fucking fat when I was purging because I wasn’t letting the binges do that to me.
But thanks to treatment, I stopped purging. I’m so thankful I was able to do that because these days I don’t feel as much guilt from food and I don’t spend all day trying to burn calories.
However, I Fucking wish I was still purging because I can’t control these binges and I’m not doing any damage control. I’m just gaining the weight.
I feel so insane and powerless around food. Doing this is making me depressed as fuck. I still go to the gym, I powerlift now because it’s “””healthy””” exercise that I can’t over do and won’t turn into purging. I’m sure that’s what keeping me from getting over 150lbs lol.
Any advice on how to stop? I meal prepped and tried to make it easy for me but I feel like I can’t even stick to that. I can’t focus on anything but food and I’m in school. Please just I really need some help and I really need to lose the weight I gained from all of this binging and I don’t want to go back to treatment or therapy because they’ll just put me on a meal plan and tell me in being crazy and not let me even attempt losing this weight that I gained from binging (10lbs) even though it makes me feel like shit.
[Rant/Rave] DAE get sick of fighting their ED?
/u/NeutralSmithHotel [6'1.4 | CW: 179 | BMI: 23.4 | Weight Lost: -191| M]
Created: Sun Sep 30 12:16:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k8kv1/dae_get_sick_of_fighting_their_ed/
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Sorry I've been posting so much, but I'm just really tired of fighting my ED. Does anyone else just sometimes get sick of the screaming from the ED voice and just say... fuck it I'll restrict just shut the fuck up already.
[Rant/Rave] honestly fuck calorie counting apps + bonus: a dream i had last night
/u/-bluehoney- [5'3" | ƧᏔ 187 | ℂᏔ 177 | ᎶᏔ 120 | ƒ]
Created: Sun Sep 30 12:09:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k8iu1/honestly_fuck_calorie_counting_apps_bonus_a_dream/
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so this morning i went to log my food into MFP and it logged me out of the app. "No problem!" I think. "I will just log back in!" As one does.
​
except, it wouldn't let me. and i tried another account i had made in the past. nope. another one i had made. nope. last resort, i know i made one linked with my facebook, so i try logging in that way. nope. like?? what?? not only is that annoying and anxiety inducing bc i like to log things right before/right as i'm eating it, but all these apps have bothered me in general with not allowing a calorie goal under 1200, or a lbs lost per week above like 2. like, this is MY weight loss, you clearly have the tools to let me make this however the fuck i want, whyyyyy do you refuse to allow me to log MY food MY way just because it 'isnt healthy'? i could log 4,000+ calories in a day and that shit sure aint healthy! come ON!
​
so a few hours later, still unable to log into MFP (and after installing, looking at, and being equally annoyed by a few other cc apps), im like fuck it, let's make a spreadsheet. BEST IDEA i have had all month. you can color code it! you can make your own fuckin calorie goal, or not even have one at all (sometimes the pressure of SEEING a goal either makes me want to binge or stay way fucking under it. i know i'm comfortable in the 500-800 range, if its a random number between or underneath that then no problem!). you can add your weight or measurements data and see how they correspond with what you ate, or specify if you had weight gain bc period bloat (or if you're still losing through your period, make a note as to what food consumption/lack of thereof allows you to accomplish that). YOU CAN MAKE IT YOUR OWN. AND THERE AREN'T ANY FUCKING ADs so you arent PAYING INTO some bullshit company with your disorder (fk you underarmor). Ta-da!
​
Here is where the post about the magic of spreadsheets ends and the post about my dream begins!
​
an important note is to cope woth my disorder lately i've been drinking a lot of soup and tea. a lot... of liquids. anyway y'all this shit was wild and if anyone of you can interpret this pls let me know. in my dream, i am pregnant, unable to move, and in LABOR. (i am 19. i have never had a kid, seen anyone have a kid, nor do i have absolutely any desire to reproduce, literally ever). im in my bed in my apartment where i am also sleeping currently, but my mom is just through my door and in the kitchen (i hate my mom, she's never been to my apartment, wat). but also, I AM BAKED. pot in general unless its really high in sativa does NOT sit well with me, i get EXTREMELY anxious and paranoid and my muscles all contract to the point where they are sore the next day. the last time i smoked a couple weeks ago i had the worst panic attack of my LIFE (absolutely glued to the floor, uncontrollable sobbing with with a completely blank face and a racing heart and the overwhelming urge to kill myself for three hours straight). so since then i've declared no more pot, so finding myself in this dream and stoned made me even MORE terrified than being stoned already makes me. i'm like sweating and screaming, and it feels like it goes on forever, i can feel this TERRIBLE god awful pressure in my lower abdomen (but somehow i never managed to look at my stomach?). i'm yelling for my mom in the kitchen, and she keeps telling me to wait, and i keep yelling, and she still doesnt come, and I am PISSED about it. I start yelling that I have to pee, and i ask her to please help me to the bathroom, but she doesnt, she won't. eventually, after sobbing and screaming, i shove myself out of bed with monumental force and waddle, extremely slowly, to the bathroom. i heave myself onto the toilet, and i'm so ready for sweet sweet release, but it doesnt. come. i am HYSTERICAL. until suddenly im like, what the fuck, i am not pregnant. and i wake up.
​
AND I HAVE TO PEE SOOOOOO BADDDDDDD. and i get up and i pee and it was EXCRUCIATING. one of those pees where your bladder was so full its SORE for like half an hour afterwards. and also, i started my period.
[Rant/Rave] Just got my period for the first time in a year and bawled my eyes out
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 95 | 17 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Sun Sep 30 11:58:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k8flw/just_got_my_period_for_the_first_time_in_a_year/
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I feel like a failure. I’ve put on about 10lbs from my LW. I got down to 90lbs and everyone said I looked awful. Sick. I felt awful and sick. But I never wanted to weigh this much again. I thought 98lbs wasn’t SO bad, I could deal, as long as I was still skinny and didn’t go back to my old ways. I lost my period around 115lbs. Have felt oddly....comforted by that? If that makes any sense....getting it today makes me feel like I’ve failed, like I’m fat, like I’m going back to the huge girl with a huge appetite that I was before. I can’t handle this. I don’t want this. I’m just crying and knowing I won’t be able to restrict it away
Hip bones
/u/elliewulfy [5’5 | CW: 149 lbs | 25.0 BMI | GW: 125lbs | 21F]
Created: Sun Sep 30 11:41:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k8ads/hip_bones/
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I was cuddling on the couch watching YouTube with my boyfriend. He put his hand on my hip bone because I my head was laying in his lap, and he immediately started feeling it and squeezing it without saying anything. It went on for about 30 seconds, and I enjoyed it as much as he did.
Actually I loved it lol
[Discussion] DAE clean when they are distracting from eating?
/u/whydiepizzapie
Created: Sun Sep 30 11:38:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k89lw/dae_clean_when_they_are_distracting_from_eating/
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I used to be a fucking mess in my apartment, there was always clutter and whatever, but for some reason my brain has decided that if I can't eat, I might as well clean. And I mean like, deep clean. I'm not mad because at least my apartment is clean now but like wtf??? Has this happened to anyone else?
(Rant) DAE feels like a mess
/u/notyourpeach
Created: Sun Sep 30 11:27:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k868n/rant_dae_feels_like_a_mess/
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I’ve been feeling so defeated lately. It seems like I cannot do well at uni anymore and is killing my self worth (if I have any left), which makes me want to restrict. But I can’t. I can’t fucking stop eating. I can’t learn things and I cannot control my own body.
I feel like such a mess.
[Rant/Rave] jealous of my bf's ED
/u/Xelaalba [165cm | CW52.4kg | 19.2 | GW 50kg | F]
Created: Sun Sep 30 11:18:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k83jn/jealous_of_my_bfs_ed/
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So my boyfriend has what sounds like "Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID)" and i'm... jealous. I'm actually jealous. He just told me that during the day he'll never think of food??
He'll even sit at the lunch table with his friends, watch them eat and think 'ok i'll get some food now too' and then he just.. won't do it.
He just thinks it's a waste of time. He went all day on half a burrito yesterday, meanwhile i was literally binging non stop. I'd never admit it to him but it triggers the hell out of me when he tells me he forgot to eat again because 9 times out of 10, I ate waaaay more than him on that day. I shouldn't be envious :)) yet here i am
I can't even imagine what it's like to not think about food all the time. I feel like such a shit person for being jealous of what's a big problem for him but god what i'd give to effortlessly lose weight and not think about food all day
my eating disorder just throws my moral values out the goddamn window
[Rant/Rave] forced to eat
/u/BIueJayWay [5"3| CW:107 |GW: 102 |BMI:18.9 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 30 11:14:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k828c/forced_to_eat/
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summer was great for weight loss since i just kinda sat on my ass and ate like.. two? three maybe meals a day, counting dessert.. but now that school started it's absolute insane, i \*have\* to eat breakfast, \*have\* to eat lunch, and \*have\* to eat dinner. and of course, dessert after dinner.. it's crazy because i can't \*eat at a deficit\* anymore. i gained two fucking pounds. i hate this. i can't even excuse myself or anything because they'll know something's up and be extra annoying about it. i just wish they wouldn't fucking force me to eat. i keep thinking how, left to my own devices, i lost three pounds over the summer, and now that i don't have a say in how much i eat, i gained them all back. that's the worst thing about this: i'm not in control over \*my own body\*. i want to die.
[Rant/Rave] Thank you glasses!
/u/BigFrameSkinnyAddict
Created: Sun Sep 30 10:45:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k7ti0/thank_you_glasses/
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So I'm nearsided right? And whenever I use to look at myself in the mirror i looked huge. Well one day I had a vision test and was told I needed glasses... Ok whatever right? Well I finally get them,put them on and look at myself for the first time with full vision. Guess what? I actually somewhat liked my body wtf my vision was making my pale ass body have a blurry shield around it making me think I was bigger wow.
I thought I was having a heart attack
/u/cherryxnut
Created: Sun Sep 30 10:23:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k7mqi/i_thought_i_was_having_a_heart_attack/
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I’ve been b/ping all week. Last night, I binged, but didn’t purge. I did a moderate workout. I was sweating, shaking, I was involuntarily sick, breathless, chest pains. I honestly thought I was going to have a heart attack. But I went to bed, half hoping it would past, half not caring. I’m obese, so I’m afraid of telling my doctor my bulimia is worse than before. I’ve told them for years now that I purge on occasion. They don’t care because my weight doesn’t indicate an issue. I think I’m past the point where my body can deal with and recoup from the damage. I really don’t know who to turn to.
I thought I was going
/u/cherryxnut
Created: Sun Sep 30 10:20:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k7ln4/i_thought_i_was_going/
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[Other] He said I’m too skinny
/u/PikachuQueen [5’4 | CW: 120lbs| BMI: 20| GW: 100lbs]
Created: Sun Sep 30 09:48:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k7c8r/he_said_im_too_skinny/
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My bf has been in jail (long story) and got out for a day for a funeral. I got to see him for the first time in four months. He hugged me and kinda made this disgusted face, and said I got too skinny. He said I need to stay strong while he’s inside and I need to eat. He knows I have an ED and I have problems eating day to day but damn, I don’t want him to be thinking I’m some disgusting freak. The crazy part is I’m a normal weight for my height.
DAE remrmber having disordered thoughts before knowing what an eating disorder was?
/u/CorrithLavellan [6'0" | 181.8 lb | 24.66/23.70 | -19.4 | 21F]
Created: Sun Sep 30 09:28:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k76mo/dae_remrmber_having_disordered_thoughts_before/
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I remember being a child like 5 or 6 and i would look in the mirror and suck in my stomach and say "this is how it will look when I'm thinner". At 7 or 8, I started dieting and buying clothes that were too small because after the diet "I'd fit". At about 10 I started having vision of cutting open my stomach or arms or thighs to remove fat from my body.
Hindsight says these weren't normal thoughts. I feel so sad that young me felt so bad about herself. I almost didnt even have a chance to be a kid before this started.
[Discussion] Can someone put this into words?
/u/mg0221
Created: Sun Sep 30 09:25:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k75nc/can_someone_put_this_into_words/
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I have to see a doctor and nutritionist for help with my eating, not that I want to recover but that’s a story for another time. I’ve seen a lot here before that people think there’s a difference between an eating disorder and disordered eating, and I think that myself. But my medical team view them as the same thing, and I was wondering anyone can more eloquently explain how they’re different? Thanks
How do you go about calculating the calories in your avocado?
/u/eightstone [Height: 5ft 7 | CW: 8st 6lbs| BMI: 19 | Gender: F]
Created: Sun Sep 30 09:02:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k6zar/how_do_you_go_about_calculating_the_calories_in/
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Normally I only buy foods that have the calories printed on the packaging. However, in an attempt to be healthy(ier than usual) I bought this unlabeled Hass avocado from Aldi. I googled "calories in 1 hass avocado" and got a broad spectrum of results. I'm leaning towards going with the highest number suggested which was 300 calories. However, do you have a better way of assessing the calories in your avocado? Weigh the whole thing with skin and stuff? scoop out the flesh and weigh that? just assume every medium avocado is 300 calories? What would you do?
Managed not to purge yesterday!
/u/brokenchalkboard
Created: Sun Sep 30 08:37:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k6sob/managed_not_to_purge_yesterday/
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but that does mean I didn’t eat anything but a small salad at the end of the day. Oh well. Small victories.
I feel like a drug addict.
/u/ayybih
Created: Sun Sep 30 08:31:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k6r6g/i_feel_like_a_drug_addict/
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I mean I am, except my drug is food. I used to be able to restrict without a problem but then I got pregnant and my appetite became INSANE. I gained 50 pounds while I was pregnant. I lost 30 of it after giving birth. My son is now 2 and I’m still stuck at the same weight. My appetite is insane. I binge now. My relationship is absolute shit and I have no family in this state. To cope I just binge. Food fills the hole. I used to say “Just stop eating!! It’s not that hard”
But holy shit it is so hard. Food is seriously my only friend and I hatehatehate it. I’m trying so hard to replace it with something else, like cleaning or exercise. My BMI is 31 right now and I have never felt so disgusting. My lowest BMI was 21 and I cannot believe I’ve let myself go. I’m so disgusted with myself. I’ve went from struggle to eat, to absolutely stuffing my face constantly to the point that I’m sick. This is horrible. I just wanna stop fucking eating
[Discussion] The comments on this clearly underweight model are shocking. People actually believe you can achieve this with just ‘eating healthy and doing some exercise’
/u/coffee-vanilla
Created: Sun Sep 30 08:31:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k6r5r/the_comments_on_this_clearly_underweight_model/
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https://www.instagram.com/p/BnY8uPxledH/?utm_source=ig_share_sheet&igshid=1t299do8uvzdt
I just came across this post on instagram and the comments are crazy. Ok, half of the comments are telling her to ‘eat a sandwich’ but theres a lot of people in there saying stuff like ‘oh she could be naturally skinny, she just exercises’ etc etc. And then there are other verified modeld commenting things like ‘so beautiful’. Just shows how fucked up this world is really, especially the modelling industry with crazy standards.
[Discussion] Mom... I'm just like you
/u/BigFrameSkinnyAddict
Created: Sun Sep 30 08:26:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k6py0/mom_im_just_like_you/
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I'm currently talking to my mom about my ED and her ED... Its crazy how similar we are. She told me once she got to high school she was underweight, had a 19 inch waist, and felt really depressed because of her boyfriend(she left that bitch halfway through highschool). She told me that for weeks she constantly b/p... And she told me that while she was purdging one day, she stopped and said to herself "this is disgusting... This is FUCKING DISGUSTING" and ever since then she hasnt done it since, but she told me she understands my ED because shes gone through it so many times. I love her, I love having my moms beautiful face... I see her as my ultimate inspiration, not thinspiration, my inspiration.
Are Skinny Girl dressings any good?
/u/brita09234890235 [🍁 21.8 | 5'3.5 | CW 122.6 lbs | GW 110 lbs | 24 f]
Created: Sun Sep 30 08:20:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k6ogi/are_skinny_girl_dressings_any_good/
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Or is it just like Walden farms? Im not a fan of lemon on my salads so I'm trying to find an alternative to that and I can't stand dry salads. Has anyone tried them before? Best flavor to buy? And where do you find them exactly (aisle or fridge sections?) dang do they even sell them in Canada I hope so 😭
[Rant/Rave] I just want to get this off my chest
/u/sideboobtuesday
Created: Sun Sep 30 08:09:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k6lol/i_just_want_to_get_this_off_my_chest/
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So I have never posted here before but I have lurked for the longest time...and I am finally feeling brave enough to post!
​
I have always had disordered thoughts about food and body image, for as long as I can remember. It has been easier to cope for the past two years or so, and for a while I my eating habits were more normal than they had ever been. Recently though I just cannot stand to look at myself- I feel physically ill seeing my body. I hate it so much.
As weird as it sounds I just want to..like...get a knife and cut bits off my stomach, thighs and tits, as if I was carving a pig. I just feel so chunky, clumsy and repulsive.
​
I have started binging and purging with more regularity now :(
I wish I could restrict like I used to but I haven't done it in such a long time I'm a bit out of practice lol.
[Rant/Rave] You know what’s cool?
/u/elsacouchnaps
Created: Sun Sep 30 08:04:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k6kp6/you_know_whats_cool/
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Hitting a new LW Friday morning that I haven’t been at for awhile...and then spending the whole fucking weekend binging and gaining 5lbs. What the fuck is wrong with me? Ugh, hopefully I can just not eat the rest of today and then my stupid self back on track. Hope the rest of you are having a better day.
A mess of September. So here I am, introducing myself.
/u/Haybaybay2792
Created: Sun Sep 30 07:56:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k6iry/a_mess_of_september_so_here_i_am_introducing/
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Dear lovely mods, will you tag this as an intro?
Septemeber has been a trying month for me. I am going through a long and difficult divorce. We are finally gaining momentum and it is defintely getting closer.
Here I am though, finally able to admit heartbreak. I left an abusive marriage. I am not heartbroken I left him or heartbroken over him. I am heartbroken over the beginnings of the relationship I had when I was wearing rose colored glasses and the red flags just looked like flags. In our 6 years together before marriage, I was "happy"... I think. Except constant relapses I was in denial about, one voluntary 9 day hospitalization, and one involuntary three day hold plus 4 weeks partial hospitalization (both not ed related.) What was really eating me alive was the codependency and the abuse (sexual, verbal, psychological) I took from a narcissist because I was too afraid of being alone (my bpd was unmanged). I still grapple with thinking the abuse was my fault.
Am I living my best life? Dream job? ✔ Amazing relationship coming up on one year? ✔ Apartment to my self, reduced debt, and a month's salary in the bank? ✔
Ownership of my dog still? ✔
Sadly though, this hasn't been enough. I found out who he is sleeping with and the only thing that bothers me is he may now be happier than me. What if that is a case? But that doesn't matter I need to cut him out of my life. The competitive voice in my head says lose more weight (went from 212 to 170 in the last year) to really add more points.
Other things have triggered this relapse.
First off, I am an "insecure overachiever" and I have not been achieving to my liking at work and that just stresses me and slips me to black and white thinking. I either keep my job or get fired over little mistakes. What if I had too many? Yeah that's a huge fear. I dont deserve to eat.
Next off, I am coming up on a big change. I am a caseworker in a men's medium security prison. I am about to take over the lock up unit. Change + Imposter syndrome= no time to eat trying to prove myself and a mad ass feeling of being out of control because things are changing, encouraging me to starve.
Also, I am being sexually harrassed at work by an correctional officer in the lock up unit I am about to take over. I kept messaging with him in hopes to make a new friend, but he just kept asking about hanging out and he didnt get the message after a dozen No's. I found out, through several trusted sources, he has spread a rumor we have/are sleeping together. Depends who you ask which version you get.
Already emailed myself screen shots of all the messages to both work and personal emails. HR rep got an email of them too. Told my boss and she is supporting me. Going into HR at 8 am sharp to file the harrassment report. Then we wait and see.
This harrassment makes me feel ashamed of him finding me attractive. I feel objectified and debased. I worry about my reputation as a professional employee. I want to disappear. This isnt my first sexual harrassment case... Nor the second, and discouragingly probably not my last. But this is the worst.
Lastly, since I am losing so much weight, I keep being triggered by the physical changes and body dysmorphia that either confirms or denies it. My collar bones are starting to show at rest. Tons of clothes fit better or I am swimming in them. My wrist and hand bones are popping. I actually have a divet in my armpits. I had been so embarassed of my armpits before. But the mirror shows my 212 body, even though empirical evidence says no.
My goals right now are on the opposite side of the spectrum. Become attention-grabbingly attractive to match my 9/10 boyfriend and make my ex and his girlfriend jealous. And to become sickeningly thin until I just disappear and no one will try to fuck me.
These things have changed me from bingeing/purging to restriction and over exercise.
Thank you for listening. I am therapy and I do tell my therapist everything. I openly share most things with my boyfriend; he knows the bulimia and ephedra abuse in the past. I think he is startimg to notice my obsessions over calorie counts and weight again though. My family lives several states away but I talk with my sisters and parents daily both individually andnon the family group chat. Not about this though. I journal most days. My dog knows when I need snuggles.
I just want the bullshit I am dealing with now far away from me and in the past. Its just not there yet. Until then... As my love Fiona Apple says to cope: Hunger hurts but starving works.
[Other] End of the month
/u/nekkedpebbl [5'2.25🌻103.8lbs🌻-12.2]
Created: Sun Sep 30 07:53:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k6hwp/end_of_the_month/
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https://i.redd.it/mwy91oxfsdp11.jpg
[Discussion] Do you wonder how long are you going to restrict before you reach your goal weight?
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Sun Sep 30 07:41:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k6fkx/do_you_wonder_how_long_are_you_going_to_restrict/
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.. i am at a point where i still wanna lose some weight (cant help myself!!), even though i am currently seeking treatment (dont be like me, still trying to lose weight secretly while on treatment). so the goal to maintain or to lose is forever there. right now, i am aiming to be 84lbs (38kg). i have been taking days to reach 38.5kg, then it increase a little because i was unable to maintain the discipline. it is taking forever to lose that 2.2lbs (1kg). i dont know when will i reach 84lbs...
[Rant/Rave] WHY AM I THE SAME WEIGHT
/u/Yoni1660
Created: Sun Sep 30 07:35:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k6e9i/why_am_i_the_same_weight/
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I’ve been restricting all week except Wednesday and I keep going between 159-157. I should be at 154 now. I am so ANGRY.
HOW AM I STILL THIS WEIGHT
/u/Yoni1660
Created: Sun Sep 30 07:33:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k6dps/how_am_i_still_this_weight/
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I have been restricting all week except Wednesday and I’ve been between 158-157 AND I AM PISSED. I should have lost at least three pounds. I should be at 154. I AM SO ANGRY.
i feel like a wanna-rexic
/u/chzkayla
Created: Sun Sep 30 07:24:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k6bq9/i_feel_like_a_wannarexic/
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“oh i struggle with an ed”
*proceeds to eat like a normal human being*
lol ok disgusting fuck.
Shout-out to salted caramel rice cakes
/u/RosenWeiss9 [5'3.5 | CW 114 | GW 104 | LW 107 | F26]
Created: Sun Sep 30 06:44:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k633q/shoutout_to_salted_caramel_rice_cakes/
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I'm a known drunk binger (rip) but the past two nights I've had several drinks and still managed not to blow my calorie count out of the water thanks to the sweet, salty, crunchy satisfying magic of salted caramel rice cakes. At 80 Cals each they're definitely not the lowest option but to be able to pop one or two and be done snacking even while drunk off my ass.. it's a miracle. I think the brand is Lundberg.
[Rant/Rave] my dad is confusing !!! rant
/u/juptiers
Created: Sun Sep 30 06:37:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k61t1/my_dad_is_confusing_rant/
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my dad is very vocal about his negative opinions of fat people and has let me know that he notices i’ve gained weight. this is a massive trigger for me for obvious reasons and often prompts me to fast and heavily restrict. BUT he’s always offering me high calorie food and gets offended when i turn him down and tell him im trying to lose weight. i think the reason he does it is because i withdraw from him when he makes these comments and he recognises that food makes me happy but his behaviour is very frustrating. idk how to deal with it because he’s the most stubborn man on earth and any time i mention it he dismisses me. dads are weird and i can’t wait to move out lol :) can anyone relate to this/can give me advice?
Upvote this post if you binged this weekend
/u/BasketCaseSensitive [5'5 | CW148.8 GW130.0 | BMI25.05 | 170->220->150 | 27F]
Created: Sun Sep 30 06:33:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k6116/upvote_this_post_if_you_binged_this_weekend/
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I'm so lucky fasting before Sunday School is semi normal
[Discussion] DAE can never. ever. stand a caloric surplus/eating over your limit?
/u/AspergersAndCoffee [5'2F | Last recorded weight 93 | SW 100 | Starting therapy soon]
Created: Sun Sep 30 06:30:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k60fy/dae_can_never_ever_stand_a_caloric_surpluseating/
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I understand, it's logical. If I eat 100 calories over, it will be pretty easy to erase the *mistake-* I will eat 100 below tommorow and my weight won't change. I always eat a bit below my calorie goal to be comfy anyway so even if I'd not make up for those, I'd be fine and would not gain weight. But no. I never accept going over my limit (maintenance- I do have anorexia but I'm beggining treatment and my psychologist made a compromise with my illness like that.). Never ever. Even though I'm underweight and a bit of weight will not hurt me. Even though it would likely be stored as muscle and what I fear most is fat. Even though I move a bit and count my TDEE as sedentary. Even though many other pages tell me I should eat hundreds, thousands of calories more in a day. If I go above maintenance, I will go crazy and suicidal. (I *binge* (actually not binge, just eat a lot on occasions or when i give up and eat intuitively but my ana googles tell me it's binging) once in a blue moon, but I never count *binge* calories- no thanks i'm already so scared after such that last time I was on a party the next day I spent in the emergency unit of psychiatry far away from home, at 11 pm)...Anyone else never ever eats over their limit?
Sunday: Share your favorite recipes!
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Sep 30 06:11:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k5wrs/sunday_share_your_favorite_recipes/
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Looking for memes? [Right this way~](/r/ProEDmemes)!
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! September 30, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Sep 30 06:11:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k5wpv/daily_food_diary_september_30_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for September 30, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
I created a short /r/ProED Census (gender, height, current weight) just to get an idea of who visits this sub
/u/EatLiftLifeRepeat
Created: Sun Sep 30 06:09:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k5wen/i_created_a_short_rproed_census_gender_height/
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https://goo.gl/forms/CBKQMJ6e4vyqxQzH3
I don't hate anyone more than I hate myself.
/u/xStingx
Created: Sun Sep 30 05:27:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k5nu6/i_dont_hate_anyone_more_than_i_hate_myself/
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I've felt like this my whole life. I remember vivid memories of me as a little girl and people telling me, reminding me that I am nothing. I've had people treat me like pure shit for no reason, people who have hurt me to my core, made me feel less than human. And yet I will never hate those people more than I hate myself. I've somehow convinced myself that getting skinny will make me like me. I don't care what anyone else thinks about me. I just want to like myself. But I've gotten significantly smaller, or at least the scale says so, I don't see it. And yet, I still hate me. I still want the worst for me. 25 years I've been trapped in this body and I've never wanted out more than I do now. I still have more weight to lose. 30 pounds or so. That's the only thing keeping me going because I keep telling myself that I will love myself when I reach my goal weight. But I'm scared that I'll get there and it won't be enough. I try to love myself. I do. Or I did. But it's been too long. I don't think it's going to happen. I know we live in a world that constantly tells you to love yourself, accept yourself, be yourself. But I just can't. I swear. I can't. Is that okay? Because I need it to be.
[Help] Finding ephedrine/ephedra in the UK these days? UK version of Bronkaid?
/u/helpmytonguehurts [5”6 |CW 156|GW1 130|LW 89| -6| 👩🏼]
Created: Sun Sep 30 03:42:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k53ky/finding_ephedrineephedra_in_the_uk_these_days_uk/
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Where can I find ephedrine I’m going to start stacking again
ugh.
/u/throwawayyolonot [5'4"| 26F]
Created: Sun Sep 30 03:37:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k52df/ugh/
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I think I realize why I went the bulimia route.
It's an all or nothing thing with this
feel everything--versus nothing at all kind of shit
The guy I was dating for like 6 mo broke up with me
Now I feel an intense raw need for physical affection,
like an animal, voracious for sex hungering for lust, and begging for just the touch of human flesh.
...or maybe a binge and purge
It's a high either way isn't it
maybe it's that smoke
but I'm no regular and I know I don't drink to feel that high.
Food and emptiness
spikes and sharp edges
my drugs of choice.
All I know is, this is my reality and I chose bulimia
my personality was drawn to it.
Where my body dysmorphics @
/u/eloana12
Created: Sun Sep 30 03:15:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k4xlt/where_my_body_dysmorphics/
---
https://i.redd.it/zybt7tiwecp11.jpg
[Discussion] i feel so worthless because of my size so i just let people take advantage of me
/u/lowkeydeadinside [5'6" | cw: 148 | lw: 102 | ugw: 98 | 18F | 🍑: starvingprincess]
Created: Sun Sep 30 03:07:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k4whw/i_feel_so_worthless_because_of_my_size_so_i_just/
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i have zero self esteem. i do things i don’t want to do just because people lie to get what they want. everyone i’m into only ever wants to sleep with me. but i feel completely unlovable so i give in because i *crave* affection so much and i feel so, so ugly and gross that i let them do what they want so i can feel intimacy.
i’m having a really rough time in college, and i was talking to this guy i’ve liked for a while. we only ever hook up so i knew what he wanted. i kept telling him i really didn’t want to sleep with him, but he insisted he didn’t want to hook up he just wanted to see me and he could tell i wasn’t okay. he said he wanted me to spend the night because he just really wanted to be with me. i knew what he wanted, but i’ve been so down that i gave in. we cuddled for a while and he just kept telling me how much he liked me (as usual. and i know it’s a lie) but he kept trying to make a move and i kept telling him no. so he would stop for a little bit before trying again. i knew he wanted to fuck me and then kick me out and it made me want to cry so i just gave in so i could leave. i felt like crying the whole time and as soon as he was done he was hinting i needed to leave. i tried telling him how i feel about it after i left but he just ignored me and put his snapchat on ghost mode so i couldn’t see if he was active.
if i didn’t feel so disgusting and fat and unlovable, i would never put up with this. but i just let it happen every time because i like him and because i know it’s the only way to feel affection because no one wants me. i’m too fat, i’m too ugly, i’m all around grotesque. i do this every time with him, i don’t want to say yes. but i always give in eventually because i know it’s all i’m worth. please tell me i’m not the only one who does this. that i’m not the only one who feels like this.
the worst part is that i know if i were skinnier he would genuinely like me and not just want to sleep with me. i know it.
tldr - i’m worthless so i let guys do what they want with me because it’s the only possible way i can feel affection and intimacy.
[Discussion] i have no self esteem. please tell me i’m not the only one doing this.
/u/lowkeydeadinside [5'6" | cw: 148 | lw: 102 | ugw: 98 | 18F | 🍑: starvingprincess]
Created: Sun Sep 30 02:54:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k4uj0/i_have_no_self_esteem_please_tell_me_im_not_the/
---
i have zero self esteem. i do things i don’t want to do just because people lie to get what they want. everyone i’m into only ever wants to sleep with me. but i feel completely unlovable so i give in because i *crave* affection so much and i feel so, so ugly and gross that i let them do what they want so i can feel intimacy.
i’m having a really rough time in college, and i was talking to this guy i’ve liked for a while. we only ever hook up so i knew what he wanted. i kept telling him i really didn’t want to sleep with him, but he insisted he didn’t want to hook up he just wanted to see me and he could tell i wasn’t okay. he said he wanted me to spend the night because he just really wanted to be with me. i knew what he wanted, but i’ve been so down that i gave in. we cuddled for a while and he just kept telling me how much he liked me (as usual. and i know it’s a lie) but he kept trying to make a move and i kept telling him no. so he would stop for a little bit before trying again. i knew he wanted to fuck me and then kick me out and it made me want to cry so i just gave in so i could leave. i felt like crying the whole time and as soon as he was done he was hinting i needed to leave. i tried telling him how i feel about it after i left but he just ignored me and put his snapchat on ghost mode so i couldn’t see if he was active.
if i didn’t feel so disgusting and fat and unlovable, i would never put up with this. but i just let it happen every time because i like him and because i know it’s the only way to feel affection because no one wants me. i’m too fat, i’m too ugly, i’m all around grotesque. i do this every time with him, i don’t want to say yes. but i always give in eventually because i know it’s all i’m worth. please tell me i’m not the only one who does this. that i’m not the only one who feels like this.
the worst part is that i know if i were skinnier he would genuinely like me and not just want to sleep with me. i know it.
tldr - i’m worthless so i let guys do what they want with me because it’s the only possible way i can feel affection and intimacy.
[Discussion] How do you deal with coworkers noticing your ED?
/u/GloomyCup [F27 | 5'11" | 125 | -45]
Created: Sun Sep 30 01:53:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k4l7o/how_do_you_deal_with_coworkers_noticing_your_ed/
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My boss had a casual coffee meeting with me and lightly talked about her past experience with an ED, perhaps hoping I would open up about mine. I didn't say anything.
People in the office stare and always talk about how little I have on my plate at group lunches, I think they all notice I'm going downhill. I didn't realize it was this bad until I looked in the mirror tonight, down 45 pounds. I'm horribly embarrassed and hate going to work now. This is SO EMBARRASSING.
I'm afraid to see my family for the holidays because they're going to flip their shit that this is happening again. Fuck.
[Rant/Rave] The best appetite suppressant ever.
/u/lyhndzie [5'6" | SW: 170 | CW: still too high | F]
Created: Sun Sep 30 01:49:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k4kme/the_best_appetite_suppressant_ever/
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I did it, guys. I found the best appetite suppressant there ever has been.
It starts with a clog in the toilet. Maybe a wash cloth or something shoved down in there, preventing it from flushing. Then add in a family of 6, and a couple of friends who all have to poop.
Now flush everyone’s collective hot mess and watch the water rise and fall all over the floor. Oh, and it fills up the bath tub as well. Shit. Everywhere. At this point, the bathroom’s painted with shit soup. Brown as far as the eye can see. Flush a few more times? More shit. Turn the shower on? So much shit.
Watch everyone in the family ignore the mess. The whole house smells like shit now, like a hundred feces scented candles. Do you still want to eat? Well if that doesn’t work, try cleaning the entire bathroom by yourself, by hand, knowing that the plumbing still isn’t fixed and there’s no possibility of taking a shower.
I never want to eat again.
[Other] Just binged my ass off/ate what I want and I’m not going to care
/u/hollowedheart_
Created: Sun Sep 30 01:44:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k4jso/just_binged_my_ass_offate_what_i_want_and_im_not/
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Yep. I said it. I’m trying to REALLY not care about eating around 2,000 cals today. I enjoyed a movie night and ate snacks, actually ate breakfast this morning (first time in months) and ate hot dogs and Fritos with whatever I wanted on it. Normally and I still want to call it a huge binge day but since I fasted for 2 days and the broke it by eating 700 cals (wanted to kill myself for that but in comparison seems like nothing now.)
I’m just saying to myself my body needs food to live and one day of crazy won’t kill me. At most I’ve gained a pound- maybe if that. I’m still trying to push the negative thoughts away that I’m a fat pig now. But SCREW THOSE THOUGHTS! Anyways.... just a little celebration I guess that I listened to my body and actually ate. I know I’ll feel guilty at some point but I’m trying my hardest to not let that happen. I restrict SO much so gosh I deserve it!
Anyways.. anyone else who binges or really just eats a normal amount of calories in a day remember- we NEED energy or rather food to live and nourish ourselves! Keep fighting those bad thoughts guys and best wishes to all who suffer this daily battle :)
On doing what YOU want
/u/Appolinaris9
Created: Sun Sep 30 00:49:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k4b48/on_doing_what_you_want/
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So I made this long ass answer to a question someone posted, but realized then that their post was linked from another subreddit to here and I didn't want to spam them with ED-stuff because, you know, non-ED-people probably would have NO IDEA what the heck we're talking about and the weird way our minds go. But it's still something that I thought would be sharing:
I too have tried out a lot of styles, low restriction, high restriction, all the diets, intutive eating, cutting out certain things, low carb, IIFYM, everything.
One thing that has helped me a lot is a weird mantra for me - "just doing what I want". Sounds ridiculous, but hear me out! I like low restricting, but after a while, I binge because I can't take it anymore and feel so restricted and kind of sorry for myself. I really loved the idea behind intutive eating, but when I'm trying to lose weight still, I don't fully allow myself everything without feeling bad about it so I often end up binging to when I 'fall off the wagon' and eat when I'm hungry - it's basically a hunger/satiety diet masked behind a healthy approach when you're still in your Ed mindset (althought intuitive eating is my long term goal for when I want to maintain one day lol). But now I tell myself that I can basically do whatever I want. What I, the higher, rational me, wants. Not the binge urges. Not the perfectionistic Ed-voice that freaks out when I go over one calorie (because I rationally know that it really doesn't matter and it's not a reason to binge or overly restrict the next day). I just allow myself to do whatever style feels right for me in that moment, so one day, I'll restrict low, some other day, I might be okay with having some cake, then I might count my calories or don't and do it intuitively - what matters most is that I truly want it and be comfortable with my choice. Do I really want a cookie now? Yes! It's my birthday and it looks great. Do I really want the whole box after that cookie, or is it an urgent, compulsive drive that makes me want to eat them because 'I messed up'? No, I don't want them - they taste great, but I would feel too bad the next day over an extra 2000 calories, so I decide not to. Do I want to eat under 500 calories today? Nah. Do I want to eat even thought I'm not hungry and intuitive eating says I shouldn't eat? Hell yes. Do I want to skip or delay that meal because I want to finish off some work even thought I'm hungry? Jup. Do I want to wait until I'm hungry until I eat today? Yeah kinda. I don't have to eat that thing just because it's going bad, I'm not a trash can. But I still can decide to eat that thing even thought I don't love it because it's going bad and I don't like throwing away food and waste money. I get to decide what to do, not some diet rules or anti-rules so there's no reason for me to feel sorry for myself (which I usually tend to do) because I 'can't' or 'should'. I never have to give in to anything, but I'm even allowed to give in if that's what I want.
I still binge and restrict and feel bad about stuff and obsess over food,so it's not like it has healed me from anything or so. A lot of binge-eating/anorexia/bulimia-recovery specialists etc. say things like you're never allowed to restrict again or have to eat XY amount of calories to prevent binges or so, or not eat what you usually binge on and ban it from your house, or eat a lot of what you usually binge on and keep it all around your house to get used to it.
I certainly do believe there's a physiological truth to this (at least to the calorie thing), BUT - I don't want to HAVE to do anything. If I have to eat/do this or that to prevent anything, I'm still a slave to some kind of rule mentality. If I want to eat enought in that moment to let my body relax more, sure.
Sorry for the long ass rambling lol, this might not make any sense to you guys because you already figured it out long ago and don't even deal with binging/obsessing/anxiousness, but this thought gives me a lot of comfort, so maybe this will help someone out there. It takes away some of that restriction pressure and allows to really find what style you really want, you know what I mean? Whenever my mind goes to a nervous place and freaks out because I maybe binged and want to start the ABC diet right off tomorrow to make up for it or so (usually to justify eating as much as I can right before midnight lol), I tell myself that I can do whatever I want, so I can just calm down and go to bed and decide tomorrow if I want to do this still, or just go about my day.
Surely I am better than a bowl of rice, no?
/u/FreezePeach1488
Created: Sun Sep 30 00:27:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k47fi/surely_i_am_better_than_a_bowl_of_rice_no/
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I was three weeks purge free. Today I indulged myself with a bowl of white rice (with a splash of soya, vinegar and red sauce) after finishing my normal meal. Rice are a major fear food for me I don't know what the feck I was thinking.
Like five minutes later I had such a strong urge to rid myself of the empty calories that I literally ran towards the loo, mindlessly tying my hair on my way, like in a daze or something. I hardly need point out what happened next.
Great, now I'll have to deal with post-purge hunger on top of the routine stuff. I had already hardly slept last night because cheers hunger pangs.
I wish I were better than getting neurotic over a bowl of rice but I'm not. /end rant
Underweight FINALLY!!
/u/Hairless_Human [6' | CW 136.5 | BMI 17.77 | WL -143.5 |M 21]
Created: Sun Sep 30 00:25:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k474b/underweight_finally/
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Underweight in the standard and new bmi! Only by .1 of a lb but hell i'll take it. I'm so happy right now. You guys weren't kidding these 130s are a bitch to get through.
End of Fast
/u/ErinNeeka_
Created: Sun Sep 30 00:08:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k4412/end_of_fast/
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So I had a nearly 48 hour fast and I don't feel that upset about breaking it. I didn't lose control and binge, something I can't believe lol. Everything I had came out to 300 so I'm pretty happy. I'm proud of myself for not b/p immediately after my fast as usual.
[Other] Field Day Compliments
/u/suxdie [5"5| 115 | 19.1 | -10 | Female]
Created: Sun Sep 30 00:05:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k43jp/field_day_compliments/
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Some context, I go to a very outrageously active Early college high school. One of my dearest friend is the only person who knows how stressed I've gotten about my appearance.
​
That one friend who knows always tells me no one cares about my weight/body. She isn't very helpful.
​
Anyway, last Friday, we had field day (honestly every student was pissed because we had too much work to finish but would waste 3 hours doing a pep rally for a school with no sports). We had a multitude of activities, including a game called spider web.
​
Spider web is a very weight based game. You and your teams goal is to lift a teammate through a bungee cord web.
Lets be honest, in that group, I was not the smallest. There was one similarly smaller girl than me and a very short girl.
I'm an hourglass figure. But more hip heavy, which frustrates the hell out of me. This means I have a very small waist, (which i worked hard for), but a very large hip, around 10 inches larger than my waist. So maybe when looking at my middle I look small to other people?
​
I was very nervous about this game. Being touched and lifted by my friends? No thanks. But to my surprise, my team was accidentally flattering me in front of the opposing team of freshmen.
​
"We'll lift to the top one, since you're the skinniest"
"yeah, you like barely exist"
"you're hella narrow" (?)
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I was blow away by this, I never get compliments about my body, especially not in public setting.
​
At this point, being too heavy and not being able to be lifted through this small hole would've embarrassed the hell out of me. But I got through perfectly!
​
I feel like I've finally achieved all of those tumblr "imagine if you were skinny enough to be lifted..." stories.
​
This story really shows how compliment starved I am. But I really do crave those short, empty, on the whim, compliments.
[Rant/Rave] “you’re so delicate”
/u/poppybasket [5’10 | cw130 gw120 | 17F]
Created: Sun Sep 30 00:01:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k42kq/youre_so_delicate/
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via my boyfriend :’+)
that made me want to cry haha i’m so happy i wish i actually was delicate and he wasn’t just being nice but whether i believe it or not it was so very sweet (and exactly what i needed to keep restricting lol F)
[Rant/Rave] Long rant I guess. I'm just... Empty
/u/R0b0t_Skelet0n
Created: Sat Sep 29 23:53:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k40uk/long_rant_i_guess_im_just_empty/
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I've been dieting for so long. It recently escalated into very disordered behavior. Undiagnosed, but it's definitely not healthy. Every god-damned second of my life is planning food. How many calories, new recipies to replace favorites, planning to is so people don't notice, faking alcohol side effects so people don't realize, trying to meal prep meals for myself hidden among regular meals for my husband .. and I'm so tired.
I recently realized I can forget about everything if I fantasize about what foods I wish I could eat. And every once in a while, on date night, I'll budget to get one. A small milkshake. Creamy pasta. Pizza. A bite of chocolate. I don't need to tell you guys about this. You know.
Anyway 2 weeks ago my neurologist (#chronicmigraines) suggested dairy might be affecting me. So he had me do a cleanse. So for the past 2 weeks, no dairy. To test it, I've been eating between 800-1200 cals a day, super clean. It's been great. Sure, still over planning, but it's the perfect excuse to say no to foods. "oh you brought doughnuts? No thanks, doing a Dr thing!" And so on. And during the cleanse I thought how great this would be. Perfect reason to never go out with people unless I could see the menu and really plan ahead.
Today I was supposed to eat a ton of dairy and see how it affects me. Milk, yogurt, cheese, ice cream, all of it. To avoid the panic, I went to the store, got it all, came home got high and ate it all. Still under my TDEE, but not as low as I wish, but whatever.
Guess what. Instant migraine. Looks like the Dr was right. That means no dairy for me. Forever. Because it takes 2 weeks to clear out of your system.
All my fucking craving foods, gone. What do I have to look forward to? I thought this would be great, but it's just so fucking... Sad. I feel empty. I didn't think it would be this much of a blow. No one understands... How could they? I know I can replace dairy with even low cal stuff and I usually do anyways, but... Idk it just sucks. It's not according to plan. Sorry :( this was aong..
[Other] Small victory, I made it almost a whole month without crying.
/u/enviose
Created: Sat Sep 29 23:43:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k3ypd/small_victory_i_made_it_almost_a_whole_month/
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I’m like, a huge baby when it comes to overeating and failure in general. I’d cry as soon as I got a moment to myself (so usually wouldn’t last a week between cries).
Well I had a really shit day (totally my fault, let’s not talk about it) and I was scrolling through wholesome memes and totally started crying again, but I realized this is the first time I’ve cried for the entire month of September! And it was only a little one.
I just needed to tell someone. I feel kinda good about it.
DAE dream about eating something and wake up in a panic?
/u/bby_gsta
Created: Sat Sep 29 23:39:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k3xro/dae_dream_about_eating_something_and_wake_up_in_a/
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It doesn’t even have to be “unhealthy”. I just wake up and think “how am I supposed to log these calories if I don’t even have the nutritional info?!” Bonus: DAE restrict in their dreams then wake up and regret not enjoying something for once?
ive been hovering at the same weight for the past few weeks
/u/depression_butterfly
Created: Sat Sep 29 23:32:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k3w3u/ive_been_hovering_at_the_same_weight_for_the_past/
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this is honestly so depressing to me, I'm still overweight but I am losing weight so incredibly slow, like maybe one pound per week. its so fucking frustrating and it makes me angry with myself because I don't have the discipline to stick to a lower deficit. I keep eating extremely close to my maitenance because although my intention is to cut, I'm always stress eating because of school. I just feel really sad and helpless and needed to vent. thank you for listening
school stress
/u/atla302
Created: Sat Sep 29 23:13:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k3rmk/school_stress/
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nothing says school quite like purging all the disgusting snack foods i've been stress eating in the library bathroom at 1am :)
lmao @ those of you who think you can't binge on salad
/u/InTheGecko [172cm (5'6) | 61.5kg (135lbs) | BMI: 20.6 | -12.5kg | F | 23yo]
Created: Sat Sep 29 23:00:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k3o9a/lmao_those_of_you_who_think_you_cant_binge_on/
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https://i.redd.it/n0clloxe5bp11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] Extracurricular activities (Nervous about food and toxic people)
/u/-Summerr-
Created: Sat Sep 29 22:40:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k3jc9/extracurricular_activities_nervous_about_food_and/
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I’m bored, so I’m just going to rant. Anyway, tomorrow I have to go to a Girl Scout meeting (I’m really only in it for the cookies, after we got a new troop leader it sucks). In the meeting we’re going to be painting a mural, but I’m kind of scared to go. I think it’s because people who bullied me (Not about weight, they just did passive-aggressive stuff which is way more annoying because no one noticed). Not naming names, but one I was friends with, and then just turned on me. The other, moved to Korea for a bit, but then came back, again. Don’t know what the fuck I did to them, they just starting punching and laughing about it and acting like it was “fun”. They’re going to be almost the only people there. We’re supposed to meet at a hotel first, so I hope there won’t be any food, or I’m literally going to cry, because I’ll already be anxious. I don’t really want to go, but I need socialization, even if it’s only a little. Also, my mom FINALLY signed me up for tennis again. The fall season starts November 4th, so I’m happy I can use that to burn calories, but I also thoroughly enjoy it. Next, I want to start horseback riding again (stable kicked me out because of a misunderstanding due to my SA and said it wouldn’t work out). Found a new barn that accommodates kids with disorders, so hopefully that’ll work out. Lastly, I want to get back on the swim team, but not compete. When I tried to compete I had a horrible anxiety attack, so my mom said she’ll email the swim director about just having me do it, because I like swimming, and not to compete. Sort of like a junior masters swim team. I hope I’ll burn LOADS of calories with extracurricular activity. I’ll be sure to rant about what happened in GS. I think we’ll also get a candy order form, and that kind of scares me, because I can scarf down GS candy and cookies like no tomorrow. Hopefully I can sleep, I’m super nervous. Goodnight, assuming it’s still night when you read this. Sorry, super long and random, but I wanted to clear my head. I need someone to vent to every once in a while.
Sushi calories
/u/Hi55le
Created: Sat Sep 29 22:31:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k3h7j/sushi_calories/
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I just had what seemed like two huge rolls. A dragon roll (avocado, cream cheese, eel sauce, etc) and a Hawaiian roll (sashimi, spicy tuna, etc). Everywhere I look online says about 400 calories each, but I find that hard to believe. Does anyone have experience estimating these things? I feel so bloated and gross right now, on top of having anxiety about not knowing what I consumed. Any help is appreciated!
Binge eating disorder?
/u/floofernaut [5'5 | CW: 130 | BMI: 21.6 | F]
Created: Sat Sep 29 22:15:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k3d54/binge_eating_disorder/
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Seems like no one talks about it-- does anyone here struggle with it?
Everyone talks about ana/mia all the time but no one seems to mention binging and not purging. Is this something any of you all do regularly and if so why?
For me personally it's about trying to show myself that I can be naturally skinny and pretty like everyone else, and that I don't need to fucking diet myself or vomit to get to a place where a lot of people are naturally-- convincing myself that I am like or better than everyone else & that I fit in.
Of course after I'm done eating the gravity of what I've done dawns upon me and I realize that most people don't binge, eat junk food every day, and that I'm just gaining more & more weight. Sometimes I puke it out but usually because I have physically eaten too much for my stomach to contain and the food needs to get out or I'll vomit involuntarily, not because I want to purge myself of the calories (though I see that as a bonus).
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I feel like I am broken but that I do not have the right to characterize myself as "disordered" or "sick" because I do not suffer from ana or mia. I don't fall under the tragic ED stereotype of a skinny girl guzzling water or puking her guts out. I'm fat and have only been gaining since I started binging (obviously).
[Discussion] October Goals?
/u/psychedelicpeach [5'5.5'' | 23.5 | CW:144 | GW:125]
Created: Sat Sep 29 21:47:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k36ij/october_goals/
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September didn’t go as planned... I’ve been b/p like crazy and my weight has been on the higher side recently. What are everyone’s goals for October? I’m trying to be realistic with myself so instead of eating <1200 every day, my goal is to eat 1200 a day with one “free” day per week. Anyone else have goals for the new month?
[Tip] How to swallow vitamins/pills better
/u/-Summerr-
Created: Sat Sep 29 21:46:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k369z/how_to_swallow_vitaminspills_better/
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I know a lot of us take vitamins to fill the holes in our diets, but swallowing them can be a whole ordeal. I’ve always struggled to swallow pills, but I recently found a pretty good solution. Basically, I put a gulp of water in my mouth and practice swallowing it all at once. Then, when I’m ready, I put the pill in with the water and am able to swallow it fine. One of my pills I could never manage to swallow, but using this technique actually allowed me to swallow it instead of crushing it up and mixing it into a glass of water. I just thought this might help some people, because swallowing water is a lot less scary than trying to swallow pills.
[Tip] My obsession over not eating more than one of something is part of what’s keeping me so skinny
/u/Kore624
Created: Sat Sep 29 21:22:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k312y/my_obsession_over_not_eating_more_than_one_of/
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Idk if it’s a mild ocd (or even autism, idk) but I can’t bring myself to have more than one helping of anything. It’s not about stain skinny at all, it’s just something I don’t do. I wouldn’t consider myself anorexic at all, but I know I have “disorders eating”.
I can’t eat more than one apple or banana a day, I can’t eat more than one granola bar, I don’t go for second helpings of dinner foods, etc. Even if I’m starving and looking for something to snack on, if the only thing I find is something I already ate that day I just go hungry instead of having a second helping.
[Help] Lollipop suggestions?
/u/comemadamletsaway
Created: Sat Sep 29 20:58:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k2vy2/lollipop_suggestions/
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I'm looking for a low cal lollipop to keep my mouth occupied. I know those "appetite suppression" ones are a basically a scam & pretty expensive. But ring pops, etc are 45 calories each. I'd also like to avoid Splenda, aspartame & such because they don't agree with me.
Sorry for all the stipulations! But can anyone recommend a decent lollipop or even a hard candy or something??
Thank you in advance!!
How do I stay skinny when I’m being sabotaged!?!?!
/u/carsandbands
Created: Sat Sep 29 20:57:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k2vsl/how_do_i_stay_skinny_when_im_being_sabotaged/
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My sw was 184, my lowest was 126, now I’m 141.5 lbs and NOT IMPRESSED with myself. I’m pissed, frankly. I live with people who eat. And eat. And eat.
I can’t barely fit into my size five which is now becoming a trigger. I find myself looking in the mirror and grabbing my fat more than ever now.We got food the other day and I hadn’t eaten a lot but they knew I hadn’t. I was trying to keep it that way. I got a smaller meal with a Diet Coke to stay under 1,000. I was sabotaged. More food was ordered and I was expected to eat it. All I see is my fat body in the mirror and I’m so pissed. I just want to be skinny but they’re making it so hard! They don’t let me say no and notice how much I’ve eaten in a day. So when I’m feeling good at 600/day by dinner time they say something and then I’m forced to eat and end up eating till 1500-2000 calories. I’m so pissed and I don’t know what to do about it
[Rant/Rave] I have never been so bloated and uncomfortably full in my entire LIFE
/u/achildrenofbodomfan
Created: Sat Sep 29 20:50:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k2ucn/i_have_never_been_so_bloated_and_uncomfortably/
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So my mom had a little party tonight and I have been restricting/fasting pretty heavily for about a week. She had ordered an extra large pizza for everyone to share and put out a cheese and cracker plate, olives, pretzels, and fudge squares. I ate everything I could get my hands on and my stomach feels like it’s going to split open. I feel very guilty and gross because I had fasted all day today and just completely ruined a weeks worth of fasting and restricting by eating so much in such a short amount of time.
[Rant/Rave] “High Restriction Prevents Me From Binging!” & Other Lies I Tell Myself: an Autobiography
/u/lifesabreech [5'1" | 101.8 | F]
Created: Sat Sep 29 20:50:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k2uc4/high_restriction_prevents_me_from_binging_other/
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Stay tuned for the sequel: “At Least My Gag Reflex Still Works & I Can Purge Effectively!”
🙃🙃🙃 kill. me.
[Rant/Rave] What the fuck.
/u/robotsintrees [5'6 | 87.4lbs| 14 | Male]
Created: Sat Sep 29 20:21:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k2nwu/what_the_fuck/
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I was visiting family last week; every single day, dinner was either out, or homemade by my partner who overdoes everything.
I weighed myself when we got back; apparently I lost 2\~4 pounds (84.4 before breakfast, 86.2 a couple hours later?).
I want to let go of all these numbers and rules and bullshit, so fucking badly. But it's like... I don't know.
I love my mom but...
/u/ErinNeeka_
Created: Sat Sep 29 20:17:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k2n4a/i_love_my_mom_but/
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Does anyone else overcompensate with food in front of their family? Like when I'm restricting it's 500 or less because I actually try to keep it down. And my mother won't take that I'm fasting for an answer. She always has alot of snacks when I visit. They kind of inadvertently add to my b/p cycle.
For the first time in months - I ate so much I was too full to sleep
/u/chocolatemochas [163cm| 50kg|18.8bmi|♀️]
Created: Sat Sep 29 19:51:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k2h5k/for_the_first_time_in_months_i_ate_so_much_i_was/
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On holiday with family and ate out last night. My meal was lots of tiny portions, but I'd been good all day so I didn't max out my TDEE.
Holy stomach cramps!
How do you sleep on a full stomach? Or do you just wait for the fullness to subside? Any cures?
With 3 days of holiday left, we'll be eating out more but I don't ever want to feel full again :(
I realized how attached I am to food during a small dosing of shrooms. It terrified me.
/u/goodoink
Created: Sat Sep 29 19:43:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k2f7z/i_realized_how_attached_i_am_to_food_during_a/
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I didn't want to think about it too much, so I tried changing the thoughts in my head... but for a few moments, I realized just how attached I am to food, and it terrified me. I've been yo-yo'ing the same 15 or so lbs, with a slight increase (yikes) and it never stays away. Is it because I have always been lazy? Am I destined to be like this forever? I've tried different "tricks" (high-restricting, fasting, intuitive eating, just workin out, cutting suagar, vegan, just normal small portions, OMAD, purging/puking, drugs/adderall, nicotine, coffee) and it all always ends with me failing. I could go a week or 2 being successful, only to fail again. I'm not overweight yet, but it's like my body is like "lel you're staying right here, forever, cunt."
I just want to be small. I don't have to be underweight, but a 19 bmi would be great. IDEALLY yeah I'd like to be 16.5 but jesus christ. What gives? EVEN DRUGS couldn't ultimately help me lose, resulting in severe mood swings, acne, bad skin, and bingeing.
​
Ideally, I just want to eat small amounts and work out a lot. I want to be those people who enjoy running a few 5ks a month, going rock climbing, hiking, walking/cardio at the gym for hours, yoga, etc who always has a coffee in hand.
​
WHY IS THAT SO HARD?
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tl;dr my mild trip made me really scared at how attached to food I am. I can't explain how it made me feel exactly, but jesus christ it was scary.
​
Any of you managed to lose weight and keep it off for a while? what did you do lol
[Help] restrict all day only to eat “ok” at night
/u/seedlesssunflower
Created: Sat Sep 29 19:34:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k2df7/restrict_all_day_only_to_eat_ok_at_night/
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Am I wasting my time and faking my brain out to think this is productive?
By “ok” I mean a snack, wine, or candy
[Rant/Rave] Ate intuitively
/u/tentaclebarn
Created: Sat Sep 29 18:26:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k1xj6/ate_intuitively/
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Didn’t count calories and ate more than I usually do at dinner and had some chocolate. I stayed in control and didn’t binge, but it still makes me feel a little guilty and disappointed, and afraid I’ll slide back into eating a lot...
Looking for reassurance I guess...?
[Help] Water weight?
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | CW: 114 | GW:105 | UGW 100 | F]
Created: Sat Sep 29 18:06:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k1slr/water_weight/
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I have about 4 pounds of water weight that I’m trying to get rid of. I might take magnesium and eat a banana. What are your experiences with water weight and retention? It’s frustrating seeing it on the scale and it’s making me squishy and bloated.
[Rant/Rave] DAE feel like a normal meal is a binge
/u/chunkychigger
Created: Sat Sep 29 18:05:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k1si2/dae_feel_like_a_normal_meal_is_a_binge/
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Woke up and I was craving oatmeal but I'm only supposed to be eating 300 cal a day. A part of me is kind of trying to fight my ED brain though and so I was like 'nonono oatmeal is healthy all you had yesterday was pickles, crackers, and an apple'. So I start making it telling myself I can eat 500 today.
1/2 cup of rolled oats = 150 cal
1/2 cup of soy milk = 50 cal
1 tbsp of chia seeds = 60 cal
2 tsp of honey = 42 cal
1 banana = 105 cal
Total = 407 cal
I feel guilty and ashamed that I ate so much. I kind of want to purge...
[Help] How to stop binging?
/u/yknowholic [5'10" | fat | bulimic | 20F]
Created: Sat Sep 29 18:05:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k1sgm/how_to_stop_binging/
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Hi friends
I posted about a week ago on here about low calorie sweets because I'm trying to lose weight by restricting (I'm so tired of having the "not particularly fat but not thin either" body that 6+ years of bulimia gives you). Today I went grocery shopping and got a bunch of sugar free pudding (60 & 70 cals) and outshine fruit bar things (80 cals).
Got home, was really hungry, ate an apple and a 70 calorie pudding and then took a nap, woke up really hungry, & proceeded to binge and purge about 10 servings of pasta salad that I made (intending on using it throughout the week...) and then 6 eggs that I made into deviled eggs (eggs are one of the grossest things to purge rip).
I've managed to cut way down on cigarettes in the last month (I've smoked less than a pack since august 25 lol) but I don't know if I just don't have any self control anymore from that or what. One of my long-term goals in therapy too is to be at a healthy weight, which involves losing around 40 lbs and at least some degree of calorie restriction because if I eat too much, I overdo it and then purge and gain weight and hate myself more.
I've thought about re-downloading MFP but I tend to do weird shit with that because I like control (i.e. fasting until I can't keep down water or only eating liquids, developing a weird obsession with karen carpenter and consequently abusing laxatives, etc etc, bad shit) and then I get insanely hungry and the binge/purge cycle starts again.
​
I guess what I'm asking is how the hell do you restrict without fasting and taking everything to extremes? I'm going to be aiming for around 800 cals a day realistically because I'm a university student and man no one told me not to take biochem & microbio & genetics at the same time while also working in a research lab. :')
[Help] Tips for extended fast?
/u/Personal102 [17M | GW:130 | H: 6'0"| CW:160 | ]
Created: Sat Sep 29 17:50:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k1oy2/tips_for_extended_fast/
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To kick off my October I'm going to fast for a week. Can someone give me tips on how to fast this long and be able to function? I understand I need electrolytes but in what amounts?
New to the sub and not a 100% sure I belong here, but somehow feel like I do
/u/KivviApteryx [1.74 cm|54.2 kg|17.9|45 kg|F]
Created: Sat Sep 29 17:47:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k1od4/new_to_the_sub_and_not_a_100_sure_i_belong_here/
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I have to apologize in advance. I'm quite new to reddit with my main account, created this one so I could talk about whats bothering me for some while now and do it without any connection to anything.
This is my first own post to reddit, so im sincerely sorry if I do something wrong or make a mistake.
My Story is quite long, so I thank everyone who has the patience to read it.
​
So, to start of: I'm not seeking any kind of diagnosis, I think I'm quite sure of having some kind of eating disorder, but I kind of seek a few open minds, who might speak openly with and to me about everything. You might recognize - I'm quite unsure about my whole situation overall.
​
I'm a 25 y.o female diagnosed with different kinds of autoimmune diseases, one of them being SLE ( Systemic Lupus erythematosus). Due to taking lots of meds, being in really bad pain for a long time and ( let's be honest ) just being addicted to all kinds of sweets & stuff, i lived as an overweight person for the last 24 years of my life.
​
I always was quite chubby, being bullied in elementary school already and throughout my teen years I gained further weight. The disease (to much in pain to move much, Cortison and stuff) did the rest and last year august I ended up being 100 kg heavy and felt absolutely miserable with myself.
About that time my Lupus kicked in again and changed everything. My oesophagus muscle slowly began to quit it's job and now, a year later I'm not able to swallow anything else than liquids. No yoghurt, no small noodles in soup - just liquids. Two stenoses aggravated the whole situation on top and long story short: I started losing weight real quick.
I always hated my body to the core, had no self-esteem, hated looking into the mirror and was so full of doubt, that i nearly pushed my longterm boyfriend away, cause I thought of myself as absolute unlovable.
​
So I started losing weight - 45 kg up to now and I started to feel great again. I went down from an XL to an S, i started wearing shorts, dresses and finally can say, that i like looking into the mirror now. I feel okay, for the first time in my entire life.
But I can't seem to find an end to it. First it was "65 kg and I'm done. Then I will start drinking the high-calorie shakes my Doc. prescribed". "60 kg and I'll be totally happy with myself". "58 kg. Then I'm still healthy". "Just another kilo. Just one more". Now I'm down to 54 and i'm talking myself into 53 kg being perfectly fine. There's just this bit of belly that has to go. That little fat on my thighs. The chubbyness I still see on my cheeks.
​
The actual problem I have is nobody getting seriously suspicious about it, because I have the perfect excuse. "Yeah, I'm trying to put on a bit of weight again, but just haven't found the right balance between the shakes and soups yet." or "Having a bad time at the moment, my body is throwing up everything right now."
People are used to me throwing up, cause it is a serious condition I have besides of my mentality. I can't eat some days, cause my oesophagus is so inflamed, that it just swells up and won't let anything pass. But I have to admit to myself, that I force the food to come out again, because I'm so afraid of gaining just the slightest bit of weight again.
My doctors think I'm drinking the high-calorie shakes, my mum doesn't have much knowledge about my whole disease and is worried - but more about my medical conition, then really suspecting a mental problem on top. My boyfriend buys my excuses, even though he is a bit warily and starts to ask questions.
​
I feel alone and unsure about myself right now, still talking myself into bein able to handle it. "Just 54 kg and I'll start drinking the shakes." and feel sure about it, but as soon as I reach my goal I look into the mirror and wanna lose another kilo, just to get rid of that tiny bit of fat on my hips. I think i should seek professional help, but on the other hand I am afraid of what follows and even though rationally I see myself getting into an ED or being stuck in one already, i still somehow think I can handle it on my own.
People compliment me so much, since I nearly halved my bodyweight and finally I feel like having something like self-esteem. On the rational other hand I know what I'm doing isn't right and I'm on the wrong way. Just needed to get that of my chest tonight and thats what got me here. Feeling messed up and alone and misunderstood, without even confronting anyone with it, just because i'm scared of the reactions...
​
So that's my situation at the moment. I apologize for my bad english, I'm not from an english first-language country and on top of that my mind is just really confused and messy atm. Also I want to apologize again, if i'm wrong on this sub or did anything wrong - i read the rules, but on the other hand I just felt like I had to write it all down asap and just started.
​
​
PS: Before i forget, a few words to the medical situation.
I'm seeing my doctors regulary, but they don't really worry atm. They want to fix the situation, but with all the different diseases and different doctors having their hands on me, things are quite chaotic and even though there is a surgery planned to fix the stenoses, i will never be able to eat regulary again, since the muscle won't start working again, since its so full of scared tissue, that its not able to transport the food (besides fluids by simple gravity) anymore. So it's me and my shakes after all for the rest of my life. I actually just have to start drinking them. Such an easy solution, for so much whining on here right now. But some of you might relate: Something inside of me just doesn't want to at all, till im finally happy with my body...
[Rant/Rave] my mom said to me that i need to eat more
/u/impractically-me
Created: Sat Sep 29 17:46:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k1o6q/my_mom_said_to_me_that_i_need_to_eat_more/
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she asked what i had eaten today, and i had said "a rice cake and some yogurt and coffee" and she said that i dont eat enough anymore and that she wants me to eat more. lol no not happening
[Help] Tmi... my bowels hate me
/u/hopeless_anon [5'5 | CW: 109 LW: 85 | 17F]
Created: Sat Sep 29 17:43:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k1nhq/tmi_my_bowels_hate_me/
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Idk but I’m suffering. Last week I got intensely constipated, only a few pebbles everyday. So yesterday I got desperate, and caved to do an enema since I’ve already tried miralax and ducolax.
Guys it hurt so bad I almost passed out. I swear so much it was nasty but I had one of the biggest bms in my life (winner is still 1 month no poo). It felt a lot better but guys I didn’t poo today so I’m v nervous. Like I’m still doing miralax until it evens out but is this normal??
I’ve been eating a decent amount like 1200-1300 everyday
Thx
[Rant/Rave] Purging
/u/thebitchybulimic
Created: Sat Sep 29 17:35:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k1lfi/purging/
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I’ve been sick for the past week and have been restricting. Today I felt better and ended up binging and now I’m about to purge. Idk, I just feel so alone and would like someone to talk to 😥
Can this jelly really be 2 calories for the pot? It seems too good to be true.
/u/eightstone [Height: 5ft 7 | CW: 8st 8lbs| BMI: 19 | Gender: F]
Created: Sat Sep 29 17:24:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k1iwf/can_this_jelly_really_be_2_calories_for_the_pot/
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http://www.hartleysfruit.co.uk/our-range/hartleys-jelly/hartleys-10-cal-jelly-pots/hartleys-10-cal-cranberry-raspberry-jelly-pot/
[Rant/Rave] Small win
/u/glitchydowner
Created: Sat Sep 29 17:13:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k1gda/small_win/
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Went to a theme park with my husband's family today and was worried about going on rollercoasters without eating and about not having food to eat due to the stalls selling junk food.
Had myself a banana, some bits from the salad bar and a small dinner and the scales look ok this evening!!!
I did it guys!! I looked like a normal adult in public!
[Other] Okay be honest guys, do I look overweight?
/u/cattivity
Created: Sat Sep 29 17:05:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k1eiu/okay_be_honest_guys_do_i_look_overweight/
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https://i.redd.it/xbz959l7e9p11.jpg
[Discussion] DAE feel like EC stacking greatly improves their life?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 105-107 | UGW: 94 | F]
Created: Sat Sep 29 16:37:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k17rg/dae_feel_like_ec_stacking_greatly_improves_their/
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I don’t even mean in terms of restricting easier, although that helps too. But it makes me feel so energetic and capable of doing things and focusing, something I haven’t experienced without it in a long time.
Just saw myself in the mirror, what the fuck????
/u/JayLenoBlows [18ys | trans girl | 6’ | CW ~135lbs? | GW 120]
Created: Sat Sep 29 16:37:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k17nj/just_saw_myself_in_the_mirror_what_the_fuck/
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I saw myself in a mirror at my friend’s house and I’m...skinny??????? I have a thigh gap?? My legs (my worst problem area) look lean and skinny? I looked again half an hour later and look big again so I think that’s dysmorphia but fucking hell I’ll be coasting on this moment for weeks. I looked good for that brief minute.
I love being alone
/u/fishonthesun
Created: Sat Sep 29 16:37:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k17lq/i_love_being_alone/
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I was sad because I was finally gonna eat my OMAD but felt too sick after a couple bites. I portioned out those calories and couldn't even eat those and felt really depressed. Told my boyfriend I wanted to die (he knows I have severe depression and eating issues) and he opened the text but didn't reply. So now I feel like nobody cares about me and I'm going to punish my dumbass by working out too much for how little I ate (-:
Just another hot sauce discussion
/u/CorrithLavellan [6'0" | 181.8 lb | 24.66/23.70 | -19.4 | 21F]
Created: Sat Sep 29 16:21:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k13qu/just_another_hot_sauce_discussion/
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I know a lot of people use hot sauce as a weight loss mechanism. Makes you drink more water so you fill up and whatnot.
BUT my question is what is your favorite hot sauce? Im using sriracha and red pepper flakes but I'd like to branch out eventually and get a variety of sauces.
Thanks guys, love you all!
How do I make purging less harsh?
/u/IDontLikeLollipops
Created: Sat Sep 29 15:35:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k0ro6/how_do_i_make_purging_less_harsh/
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I've been having crazy purge cravings, it's been a couple weeks that I've been able to push them off, I've read all the tips on stopping, but I don't know how much longer that'll last (I don't binge, so most of the tips aren't really applicable to me). I'm very nervous about the pressure it puts on my head (I get burst capillaries and bloody noses every time I do it), sooo:
What are the easiest things to purge?
I know I'm supposed to keep my head up to reduce pressure, is there anything else that helps?
I feel like I scratch myself while I'm doing it, which is painful during and after, does anyone else have that?
If you have any other tips on how to make it easier on my body but also as satisfying as possible so u don't need to do it again for a while?
Thanks for everything, guys
Does anyone here dye their hair?
/u/finnkat [5'3 | 90lbs | 16.4 | 19f]
Created: Sat Sep 29 15:32:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k0qtw/does_anyone_here_dye_their_hair/
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My hair is already fine and starting to fall out but i really want to dye my hair. I'm already blonde so depending on the color i either wouldnt have to bleach it much or not at all but I would rather have thin boring hair than no hair at all because I tried to dye it while restricting. Does anyone have experience with dying their hair and restricting/malnutrition?
The happiest moment
/u/groundbreakingday44
Created: Sat Sep 29 15:20:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k0ngo/the_happiest_moment/
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Tfw you're going through my fitness pal tryna figure out if you can fit a small snack in/how you're gonna burn it off when you realize there's still food that you logged that you didn't eat yet;) also my school has free fountain drinks almost all day and there's diet Pepsi and I gotta walk a quarter mile to get it so bonus there.
Also it's been 2 years since I've had eating disorder probs and I saw a pic of me yesterday that sent me straight into a relapse so that's fantastic I actually hate myself so much why can't I just be happy with myself lmfao. Also the fact that I can't even eat right or anything makes me hate myself more and my depression started back too so that's how that's going rn.
For context I was anorexic from 9th-11th grade, recovered until mid 12th grade with my hugest relapse ever, recovered so I could run cross country in college, quit cross country for an injury that will never heal, and now here I am a sophomore in college relapsing :) gosh I hate myself
cramps
/u/winterfoxes_
Created: Sat Sep 29 15:09:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k0klr/cramps/
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does anyone get cramps when they consume very little? i had a quest bar and kombucha earlier and i feel like my stomach is going to explode. it’s achy, lower abdomen pain. it’s not my period or pms. i guess i could be ovulating, but the paid isn’t just subjected to one side. maybe i’m a bit dehydrated. frustrated af though.
Does anyone listen to Tool?
/u/Soybeansandsprouts [🍉5'5|109|GW:105🍌]
Created: Sat Sep 29 15:02:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k0ig6/does_anyone_listen_to_tool/
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I had a tattoo consultation today about a design I designed in high school at the peak of my disorder. It was inspired by Parabola and the Elder Scrolls video game series so very random haha but if you haven't read the lyrics before I'll leave them below. Shit hit's my sooo hard:
​
We barely remember who or what came before this precious moment
We are choosing to be here right now
Hold on, stay inside...
This holy reality, this holy experience
Choosing to be here in...
This body, this body holding me
Be my reminder here that I am not alone in...
This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal
All this pain is an illusion
Alive!
In this holy reality, in this holy experience
Choosing to be here in...
This body, this body holding me
Be my reminder here that I am not alone in...
This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal
All this pain is an illusion
Twirling round with this familiar parable
Spinning, weaving round each new experience
Recognize this as a holy gift and celebrate this chance to be alive and breathing
A chance to be alive and breathing
This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality
Embrace this moment, remember, we are eternal
All this pain is an illusion
[Rant/Rave] Comments about appearance
/u/WearyFinish
Created: Sat Sep 29 14:49:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k0eww/comments_about_appearance/
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Someone I've known for a while from my previous job is now working at my new one. I make fun of him a bit in what I consider a joking way, and often it's complimentary but presented in a mocking tone. Idk, it's hard to explain without sounding like an asshole, which maybe I am, but that's not the point. I've never commented on his weight or body except things like he has a really big smile and super nice white teeth.
He's gained a lot of weight and is clearly self conscious about it and talks about going to the gym, etc. But he also keeps making passive aggressive comments about my appearance that are very triggering, like about my double chin, which I'm incredibly self conscious about and have had shitty men mock a number of times. He also asked what my weight was last night and I said I don't know (which I don't) but maybe 120s (a low estimate because I was embarrassed - I'm probably more in the 130s and recently was at my highest lifetime weight of \~140-145). And he acted all shocked and said something along the lines of "You're not 120, all the girls your height I know who are 120 are rail thin." I'm 5'0, f (and he's a fucking dumbass).
Anyway, I just wanted to vent because since the first comment about my chin he made last month I've been exercising every day and trying to eat less but it pisses me off he's projecting his shit on me. And right now I'm semi-dating someone who is physically way out of my league and whose last partner is fucking supermodel skinny (from what I've heard she has ED behavior). So I worry what he thinks of my appearance all the time.
I've struggled with my appearance forever, and 7 years ago I moved out of a really toxic home environment where my parents and siblings mocked my weight from elementary school onward. I was depressed and suicidal all throughout high school and binged a lot to deal with it.
I hate being reminded of how I feel the world sees me, as a "fat girl," especially when I finally was starting to feel ok. Feeling super down right now.
Thanks for giving me a place to vent.
[Discussion] Does anyone do 5:2?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 105-107 | UGW: 94 | F]
Created: Sat Sep 29 14:39:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k0c7a/does_anyone_do_52/
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I sometimes fast/really heavily restrict during the week and eat “normally” (or at least, more normally) on the weekends a that my friends and family don’t notice. Does anyone else do this or is it weird to just me? I sometimes feel like it means I can’t have a “real” ED because I can eat semi-normally.
I look like a freaking whale in my costume this year.
/u/_gaystingray [5'3 🐝 CW: 144lbs | 26.3 | 18M]
Created: Sat Sep 29 14:28:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k091j/i_look_like_a_freaking_whale_in_my_costume_this/
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Title. I'm sorry, I really need to vent. So I've gained about 30lbs since last year. I inflated over a few months due to general overeating and a couple real binges a week. And then I've mostly maintained since then. I keep having motivation to restrict for about a week and then I fall off that wagon. So I haven't lost any of the weight I've gained. Well, with Halloween in a month, I thought I'd try on my costume from last year to make sure it fits. Now, I purposefully cross-dressed last year for the hell of it, so my (cat) costume consists of short shorts, knee high boots, fishnets, a sleeveless crop top, and the general cat accessories.
Boy oh fucking boy.
My hip/stomach fat, man. It was like they were balloons getting squeezed by the waist of my shorts and the waist of the fishnets. My arms looked extra thick and chunky. My boots which previously had a couple inches of wiggle room from my calf fit snugly. I am so disgusted with myself. I'll probably end up buying a new shirt to go with it that covers my stomach and also has sleeves (since last year I've obtained some nasty self inflicted scars on the sleeve part of my shoulder), but I'll still look gross. I have shit motivation to do anything in general but this just triggered me bad. I don't think it's possible for me to lose 20lbs in a month due to lack of exercise, but I can sure as hell try for at least 10. I currently have a bit of a drinking problem that's been adding an extra 600-900 calories to my diet most days if the week, plus whatever I decide to munch on while drunk, go me.
But guess who has an incentive to drink less now?? Guess who has the motivation to stop fucking eating all the damn time? Guess who has the motivation to get back into fasting? Oh my god, it's me. My body feels slightly tingly in this rush of rage and disgust and malcontent. I refuse to look this atrocious when walking around town on Halloween.
Unrelated but kinda related though, I had a coworker call me fucking thick (not even with 2 Cs) via snapchat last week. She's 14 and I'm 18 so that's already real weird and uncomfortable there, but it made me even more self conscious about my weight gain. I just hate myself. I can't believe I let myself get to this point anyway.
I wish October weren't so near. I don't wanna be a fatty fat cat.
[Rant/Rave] literally all i do is eat lately , i'm venting for myself here so feel free to ignore this lol
/u/Xelaalba [165cm | CW52.4kg | 19.2 | GW 50kg | F]
Created: Sat Sep 29 14:14:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9k057s/literally_all_i_do_is_eat_lately_im_venting_for/
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i can't even remember how i felt when i restricted, i miss feeling light and not thinking about food all the time, i hate feeling full like this WHY CAN'T I JUST STOP EATING wtf IS WRONG WITH ME
i baked a fucking pie today
??? ? ? ??
and sure everything i binge on is vegan but STILL that doesn't mean healthy
how much pastry have i even eaten today
probably the equivalent of an entire pie
and then bread
and avocado
and ice cream
and all the fatty things in my house
i'm not even hungry
earlier i was still full from eating all day, and i still made dinner for myself
wtf
wtf is wrong with me today
(honestly i think im just lonely and bored and uninspired so i fill that gap with food l m a o)
i need to get a life lol
my flair is DEFINITELY wrong now lol i've gained so much and i was doing so well
god damn it lol i just needed to vent here for a minute because i can't do it anywhere else
i want to forget about food
i don't purge but if i DID...
i want to feel empty again
light
my thighs feel so fucking huge
god
and my skin is disgusting again too
i feel like a bloated, fat cow
at least i'm getting out of the house all day tomorrow so hopefully i won't think about it so much , and i'll be far away from that fucking pie
im sick of myself
it's always the same - restrict for a few months, see results, lose motivation and start binging on anything i can find
if my dad would stop buying 2 baguettes at a time, jesus christ, we don't need that much bread, all it does is make me fat because i can't resist
part of me thinks this is almost good, because my mom and friend were getting worried about my weight so this will make them chill out .. but i feel so disgusting
OOOOOOFFFF
i have to stop
i have to get back on track
i can't let this get any worse i can't keep making excuses for myself
what happened to my will of steel
what happened to not even TOUCHING bread
i was terrified of eating lunch a month ago
and now i'm eating 3 meals a day PLUS snacking//binging
i hate myself ahah
im disgusting
peace out
How to handle restaurants?
/u/gurlpls
Created: Sat Sep 29 13:37:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jzvdy/how_to_handle_restaurants/
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Hey guys - not necessarily looking for advice on restricting, but I have to go to the hard rock cafe tomorrow for my dad's birthday. I can't find any nutritional info online and it's making me so anxious. I am going to HAVE to eat in front of family but I hate not knowing what is in the food, calorie wise. How do you guys deal with this? Thinking of fasting all day and getting a salad but the menu i saw makes every salad look super unhealthy. Plus I have to work tomorrow and I know I'm gonna feel like ass if I don't at least eat like a protein bar or something. What do you guys do in situation like this? the anxiety is literally eating me alive haha, i don't wanna break my current streak. Thanks!
[Rant/Rave] My mom sent me a care package
/u/oldNewBicycle
Created: Sat Sep 29 13:08:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jznhf/my_mom_sent_me_a_care_package/
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This is bad. I was so hype about this care package I thought it would be thinks like canned soup and fancy dark chocolate and socks (I really need socks) but it is homemade fudge. I tried it and it tasted so good -like sugar and butter. I keep on attempting to c/s it, but it just so easy to swallow, I just take small bites and throw out the rest of the cube, hoping to get through it. I have no idea the calorie count and it is totally ruining my day. It’s so kind that my mom baked me this, but I really wanna throw it right in the trash. Why do people feel the need to bake you things to show their love?
Suddenly realized something
/u/BleuBird18
Created: Sat Sep 29 13:06:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jzms5/suddenly_realized_something/
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Because I feel like a festering sack of garbage, my routine has been pretty minimal in terms of making myself look 'presentable.'
Daily upkeep feels like too much effort, but I went through the works today: shave, shower, shampoo, plucked eyebrows, enough lotion to glaze a wedding cake.
When all the preening, and scrubbing was done, I looked in the mirror and my only thought was "all that effort, for *this*?"
Still hideous, fat, and anxious. When I don't bother with normal stuff, feeling gross seems fine. Sincerely trying, only to realize I'm still horrible is somehow worse.
I just want to crawl back into cave and never leave.
[Rant/Rave] I Have a Feeling I'm Going to Binge Today....
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Sat Sep 29 12:57:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jzk5l/i_have_a_feeling_im_going_to_binge_today/
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I'm home from work because I'm in a lot of pain. My boyfriend is leaving for work soon. I'm nervous about my upcoming LEEP surgery and I also have anxiety in general. I'm gonna be alone all day. My car isn't working. Idk... fuck it.
I woke up planning to restrict again, but I really just think I'm going to end up bingeing. ):
Oh well.
What are your rules?
/u/EdFaggot
Created: Sat Sep 29 12:33:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jzdd2/what_are_your_rules/
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Hey everyone. As you know lots of people have rules about what they can/ can’t eat. And I’m just wondering what other people’s are.
I’ll start. Mine are:
I can’t eat anything I don’t know the exact calories are
Nothing over 200 calories
Nothing that can’t be purged (I don’t b/p. I purge after meals)
I’m veggie so no meat
Nothing with lots of sugar ( jut incase)
Anything over 100 calories has to be filling (and if it isn’t I c/s)
No high calorie drinks
This is only because the max amount of calories in a day for me is 300 and 400 if I have to eat socially (not very often my close friends know about it)
[Rant/Rave] Shopping with my dad
/u/BigFrameSkinnyAddict
Created: Sat Sep 29 12:15:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jz85d/shopping_with_my_dad/
---
So when I go shopping with my dad its the opportunity to get whatever I want because hes the one with the income (mom currently unemployed) so what do I decide to get? Fucking jar of bread and butter pickles and hazelnut creamer lol. I hate shopping knowing I'm most likely not going to even eat it
[Goal] I am so happy right now and I want to share this with you all!!
/u/twa1238 [F25| 158cm | CW 🐄 |]
Created: Sat Sep 29 12:10:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jz6h5/i_am_so_happy_right_now_and_i_want_to_share_this/
---
I wanted to go out but none of my friends (that sounds like a lot but actually they’re like one and a half people so w/e) wanted to come with and since I was bored but weirdly motivated to do something fun I’ve decided to try on a few clothes (tags still on) I bought that I felt too fat for.
Most of them are way too big now!!!
I bought a shirt at a Basar this spring that turned out to be children’s sized when I tried it on at home but it FITS NOW. I mean it’s snug and I wouldn’t wear it in public but when I wore it in spring I couldn’t even breathe!
My jeans are so loose now!
All my bras are too big too which got me sad for a minute and I almost obsessed over that as one does and my boobs felt weird and ugh and as I was already preparing a breakdown in my head for the first time in over two, maybe even over three months I got my jewelry box out of my closet.(I was so depressed and isolated even before I started restricting, I’ve been wearing baggy pants and oversized shirts/sweaters and my hair in a bun for so long now, I didn’t feel liked even trying to look good)
and I tried on my rings and they all fell off. so I know it’s nothing super special and I do already have small hands and thin fingers naturally and my arms are still fat and of course I lose most of the weight in useless places like my fingers and my boobs but guys———MY RINGS FELL OFF!!! I tried one on my THUMB and it was to loose to stay on.
So I pulled out chokers and stuff and OMG MY NECK GOT SMALLER TOO!!! I put on makeup and going out clothes and I looked GOOD. Like, not super skinny or super pretty or anything but LIKE A FEMALE HUMAN BEING INSTEAD OF A FAT HOUSE ELF!!
I’m so excited, I haven’t been this happy forever! I know I’m not at my goal yet or anything but I feel good today!!! Maybe it’s because there’s not a week worth of shit inside me anymore or maybe it’s because I’m at some weird point in my cycle where I would feel good anyway, I don’t know, but MY RINGS ALL FELL OFF OH MY GOD!!!!! THIS MEANS SOMETHING IS HAPPENING!!! WHO CARES ABOUT BREASTS
I know it’s so stupid but I have no one to share this with and I really wanted someone to know! And I know it’s not healthy and it doesn’t matter anyway because at the end of the day I’m still sitting at home, no friends and no life and no one to go out with and no one will see my outfits but OH MY GOD MY RINGS FELL OFF AND MY JEANS ARE TOO BIG !!!!!!!!!!
Now I’m in my pajamas and took of my makeup but can’t stop smiling, this is the best day on forever
[Other] Gained a pound back this week, made my mind up today and going back to restricting.
/u/coffee-vanilla
Created: Sat Sep 29 11:56:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jz2el/gained_a_pound_back_this_week_made_my_mind_up/
---
I binged for a week and feel disgusting right now. Im 10lbs away from my goal (130lbs) (im 5’9) and ate so much junk food! Im bloated from all the salt and the carbs and it just feels bad. I thought it would be a amazing to eat whatever i want but it feels worse than restricting. I feel miserable for being so weak. Getting back to restricting from now on, only drank a few cups of coffee today and its currently 8 pm.
I did the math and ate about 500-600 calories over maintenance everyday. My maintenance is 1800, was eating about 2300 everyday. Fuck. I used to restrict to 500. 2300 is SO MUCH, its crazy.
JUNK FOOD IS NOT WORTH IT :/
the crazy ways my brain punishes me
/u/xlilgirlpoptartx [5'7 | CW: 203 | SW: 245 | GW:135 | F/37]
Created: Sat Sep 29 10:46:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jygz8/the_crazy_ways_my_brain_punishes_me/
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Sitting here shoveling 40 calories worth of green beans mixed with 10 calories of salsa and telling my stupid stomach to give it up already and shut the hell up because i gained 2 pounds overnight, doesn't matter that I can tell anyone else that it's just water weight and not to worry, because now it's happening to me and I feel like I'm suddenly turning air into calories.
Also I can't poop, that's also where the extra weight is likely from....stupid body take a shit already!!! arghhh!
[Rant/Rave] /ANOTHER/ RANT BY A REALLY SAD BOY
/u/planetskinny
Created: Sat Sep 29 10:33:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jycus/another_rant_by_a_really_sad_boy/
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(tw)
•
i was supposed to die last night but nope i fucking woke up but im kind of glad i did at the same time so i can continue to torture myself by attempting to lose this weight because im finally losing weight so ill finally be happy right no i guess not because this is the seventh time since seventh grade that ive tried to fucking off myself and it didnt work and its all because of my disordered eating and relationship with my body this is fucking great guys we love this for me
Help, how do I check my scale???
/u/lilmdjd [5’3 | CW: 130 | BMI: 23 | LW: 94| - 17| 23F ]
Created: Sat Sep 29 10:26:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jyadg/help_how_do_i_check_my_scale/
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So I went to the doctor yesterday and my weight was about a pound and a half less than my weight at home (right before I left). So today I decided to try to weigh something else to double check it. I used a Costco size bottle of Clorox, and the container said it was 180 oz., which would be 11.25 lbs. does this include the packaging? How much could the packaging weigh? I weighed it on my scale and it was 12.7. Do you think the package could weigh 1.45 lbs?
This is killing me.... should I just buy a new scale?
[Other] I wish that something bad would happen to me.
/u/FeatherMahogany59
Created: Sat Sep 29 10:25:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jya8c/i_wish_that_something_bad_would_happen_to_me/
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I wish something bad would happen so that I would have a reason to be this crazy. I’m just crazy and starving myself or binge eating for no reason. I wish I were sick enough to be stuck in a hospital where keeping me alive would be somebody else’s job. Or something bad would happen so I’d have an excuse to lay in bed crying all day. Then I could say I overcame something big when I finally get better.
I made a push notification feed (desktop/mobile) for posts of r/proED that have a minimum of 50 Karma.
/u/netzdeppp
Created: Sat Sep 29 10:11:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jy5im/i_made_a_push_notification_feed_desktopmobile_for/
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https://pushmio.tk/feed/proED
[Other] The Psychology of Eating: From Healthy to Disordered Behavior is having 17% off.
/u/CodiHarris
Created: Sat Sep 29 10:10:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jy5gu/the_psychology_of_eating_from_healthy_to/
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https://twitter.com/Chattenii_fan/status/1046069113687355392
[Help] Just dropped into the double digits lads
/u/ZygomaticArdvark [5'2" | CW:99.5 | BMI 18.2 | 16F]
Created: Sat Sep 29 09:51:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jxz4h/just_dropped_into_the_double_digits_lads/
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I don't get to weigh myself often but today I had the opportunity and found out that I am officially under 100lbs. Some mixed feelings about this because I'm certainly proud (my previous LW was 101) and in some ways feel relieved that I've done it. At the same time I'm also very nervous because my therapist monitors my weight and will push me into a more intensive program if I keep losing, and my friends/support system will be upset that I've gotten this low.
I hate feeling the itch to always lose weight. Before, I thought that I'd be satisfied if I hit the underweight mark. Right after I calculated my new BMI at 18.2, my automatic thought was that I need to go for 17. Ugh I hate this disorder.
I never know what to do. Maintaining and *especially* gaining weight does not feel possible, but I'm letting everyone down by continuing to lose. Not really sure where to go or how to feel, has anyone else been in a situation like this before?
[Help] Bang energy drink
/u/loseitjen [5'8 |SW 140|CW ?!|GW 115| F21]
Created: Sat Sep 29 09:46:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jxxgu/bang_energy_drink/
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So I’ve seen a couple posts about this drink recently and just bought some and I’m wondering if it’s safe to EC stack on it?? Only slightly worried about giving myself a heart stack lol
What anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medications have caused you to binge?
/u/ricemask [5'6" | CW: 150 | -3 | UGW: 115 | 20F | 🍑: riceemask]
Created: Sat Sep 29 09:45:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jxx5d/what_antidepressants_or_antianxiety_medications/
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I'm seeing a psychiatrist soon for mental health stuff but I really don't want to start a medication that will make me go crazy on food. :( I found Wellbutrin was the best for not eating and it gave me so much energy, but after like a month it was like I was starving all the time.
[Other] Binged on chocolate, then I woke up
/u/SourRoach420
Created: Sat Sep 29 09:20:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jxoyx/binged_on_chocolate_then_i_woke_up/
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I had a dream that I was eating handfuls of chocolate that I was intending to C/S, but kept swallowing and I couldn’t stop. I suddenly woke up and I immediately panicked, thinking I had just binged like crazy on a bunch of chocolate. I soon realized that it was just a dream, but damn. I’ve never had nightmares about food till now. What’s wrong with me??
Went out to dinner with my peeps and didn't eat anything.
/u/couldbemage
Created: Sat Sep 29 09:17:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jxo3q/went_out_to_dinner_with_my_peeps_and_didnt_eat/
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(mobile, no flair) major success story
So went out to a diner after a thing last night, with my partners and other live in person. They all got giant burgers or buffalo fries. Which I'd love. But I'd already hit my goal for the day on mfp, so I just studied at the table while they ate. Didn't even eat one fry.
Kinda feel like a bad ass.
[Other] *internal screaming*
/u/angelakarui
Created: Sat Sep 29 09:06:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jxkeh/internal_screaming/
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https://i.redd.it/1nurgu5sz6p11.jpg
[Other] *internal screaming*
/u/angelakarui
Created: Sat Sep 29 08:54:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jxgjy/internal_screaming/
---
https://i.redd.it/v1mqbq6hy6p11.jpg
[Goal] and i won’t feel...
/u/duskedfur [5'7" | CW: 102 | 15.9 | UGW: 100 | F]
Created: Sat Sep 29 08:45:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jxdx4/and_i_wont_feel/
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...a thing.
i hit my ugw, weighed in at 100.6 this morning. haven’t broken my 40 hr fast, probably won’t for a while. i don’t feel any different. i look thinner, though. my chest bones are kind of grotesque, actually? and i found out recently that my ribs are slightly deformed on one side so i don’t even have that going for me. i don’t want to gain weight to look better so i’m just gonna be an ugly skeleton. don’t really know what to do with myself at this point. i don’t want to lose more weight but i still hate myself so idk.
gonna watch doctor horrible tho.
[Rant/Rave] I bought a ton of junk food at Walmart, convincing myself that I’ll “portion it out for school”
/u/anxthekitten [5’5.5 | 16F | SW 155lb | CW 141.6lb | UGW 110lb]
Created: Sat Sep 29 08:40:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jxcgr/i_bought_a_ton_of_junk_food_at_walmart_convincing/
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I’m just realizing now that buying all of that was a mistake. I know the smart thing to do would to portion them all into little bags according to the nutrition information, and take one or two with me to school so I don’t spend my money there, but god. why did I do this?! it’s BINGE worthy food!! I want to buy size 5 jeans and fit into them, Im trying to negotiate with my body, just being in the 130s would make me so damn happy, I can already feel my waist not being big enough for the size 7 jeans anymore. I want to throw all the food away or give it to someone but then I will feel bad that I wasted my money and that I’m not using it. So glad my days are so busy and Friday is the only day I’m at home, but I feel disgusting. I finally got the scale to say 140 exactly, and I’m scared to go back over that number again. Guess today at work it’s just going to be a salad and blue cheese dressing on the side, sigh. Just 10 more pounds, please, that’s all I want anymore in the world now. ):
[Rant/Rave] Ballet Beautiful my darling
/u/BigFrameSkinnyAddict
Created: Sat Sep 29 08:26:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jx7uy/ballet_beautiful_my_darling/
---
Omggg so I literally just started the 60 minute ballet beautiful workout thing like 2 days ago and the results are amazing. If you havent tried it yet please do!!! The hardest for me was the outer thighs one... That shit hurts to where I couldn't move lol
[Help] How do I buy diet soda?
/u/AspergersAndCoffee [5'2F | Last recorded weight 93 | SW 100 | Starting therapy soon]
Created: Sat Sep 29 08:08:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jx1l4/how_do_i_buy_diet_soda/
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I have a craving for it and a local store has so many diet soda options in it...But the cashier knows my mom and my mom told her I'm anorexic. She already frowns at me if I buy light dairy and fruit...if I'll buy a liter of some noncalorific ambrosia SOMETHING will be obvious.
[Other] literal shit post
/u/twa1238 [F25| 158cm | CW 🐄 |]
Created: Sat Sep 29 08:05:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jx0p5/literal_shit_post/
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omg so i haven’t taken lax for over a week (yay me, right?) and I’ve been very low restricting because water weight freaks me out and feeling food inside my body blah blah blah
so naturally nothing much happened in the bathroom (even though I took fiber supplements and stuff)
today I had to go for like 10 times already (idk why though??? like i ate a bit more yesterday but still under 500 and today I had a bigger breakfast but huh???) and it hurts so fucking much omg
Like abusing laxatives hurt so much and NOT TAKING THEM HURTS TOO? I swear I can’t even wear underwear today, or sit on a wooden chair.
I’m sorry for this information but I had to get it out. Like I had to get out many other things today. Thank you and have a blessed day.
[Help] Admission to psychiatric ward because of anorexia - HELP
/u/beaglesarebest [5'2" / CW:87 / GW:84 / BMI:16.2]
Created: Sat Sep 29 08:05:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jx0hf/admission_to_psychiatric_ward_because_of_anorexia/
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Hey guys.
My treatment team wants to admit me to the psychiatric ward by the beginning of next week as my anorexia has spiraled out of control - especially in the last few weeks. They're telling me I'm seriously ill, which I really struggle to believe. I've decided to comply (it would kill my loved ones if I didn't), but I'm so terrified about it all.
I'm extremely embarrassed and ashamed as I don't feel I am or look 'sick enough'. I'm convinced my treatment team is over exaggerating and that the other eating disordered patients will laugh at me. At the same time I know I'll continue losing weight if I don't get help, which is what I want. But there's also a part of me that do want to recover as this is not a life worth living.
I guess what I'm wondering is if anyone has experience from being inpatient at a psychiatric ward? ED-related or not. Did it help you and did you have to gain weight? How long were in you in there for? I'm scared and could need some words of encouragement...
The Halo Effect - anyone experience it with weight loss?
/u/coconutoilmiracle
Created: Sat Sep 29 08:01:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jwzeb/the_halo_effect_anyone_experience_it_with_weight/
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Not talking about Halo Top, though Halo Top is bomb
But it just seems like as you get leaner (up to a certain point) everything you do is seen in a more positive light. And people forgive you more for your less than stellar traits (like social awkwardness, anyone?)
And then it turns into a feedback loop. Because you realize others perceive you more positively now, you become emotionally stronger in a way. For example, in a social setting, you no longer have to hide behind a group of friends for “social proof” because you standing alone by yourself looking halfway decent is enough. And people actually come up to talk to you sometimes.
Anyone else experience this?
[Discussion] When did you loose your period?
/u/shortLavender [5'3"| cw:125 | gw1:120 | gw2:115]
Created: Sat Sep 29 07:39:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jws26/when_did_you_loose_your_period/
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Just interested in what point you all had to get to before you lost your period. I'm obviously not low enough now in weight or BMI, but even when I was 15 pounds lighter I still didn't loose it.
What was your weight or BMI when you lost yours and did it return at the same weight you were before you lost it?
"Have you tried just eating more?"
/u/galpalsupreme [5'9" | 165.6 | 24.5 | -94.4 | F]
Created: Sat Sep 29 07:29:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jwoyo/have_you_tried_just_eating_more/
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I posted yesterday about being on a bit of a slippery slope with restriction etc. I gained 4lbs water weight (I assume, since I eat like 800 calories a day so there is no way it's fat) after my period ended this week and my brain keeps telling me to fast. I don't want to get sick. I've had binge eating disorder for years and I don't want to have a new demon to fight after seemingly killing that one but I feel like I don't have another option. I asked some people for help troubleshooting this and I confided in one about my ED history and worries. She just said "Well...don't fast? Just eat more? It's not hard..."
​
It's not hard? Eating more is TERRIFYING to me. If I eat more I might end up eating everything. That's how I got to 260 pounds. I can't. I know I might have to to make the scale move again but I feel like I physically can't. I don't want this but I feel like I can't stop it, either. I posted in a non-ED group asking for help and I'm sure I'll get similar comments and feel like an absolute failure and end up deleting the post.
​
Why is everything so hard?
Update: Therapy question
/u/iwannaliveinhogwarts
Created: Sat Sep 29 07:05:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jwhir/update_therapy_question/
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Hey:)
I posted here around one week ago, for some help/support for my first therapy time. I had asked, how and if to approach the ED-subject, rather just wanting to deal with the depressive issues, feeling not ready for recovery.
Everyone’s answered were really extremely supportive and sooo nice :) and since someone asked for an update, here it is:
I went there yesterday and the therapist first asked, to describe how I’m feeling and my problems. I decided not to mention the ED-thing.
So she went along and spoke a with me, and then she said that she has a couple of questions for me. She started asking me about various things in my life, like alcohol consumption, drugs, sleep and I started getting quite comfortable, my nervousness calmed a bit.
Suddenly she looked at me and said: „so ok, I noticed that you look alarmingly thin. Please tell me your height and weight.“ I honestly couldn’t believe what I heard there. She knew it, and I knew that she knew it. I’m not a good liar and lying was pointless at this point, so I first started stuttering around. She proceeded to asking, if she had touched a subject there, and then proceeded to tell me that she knew it from the minute I walked inside the room, because she saw my body and my face :( that was quite horrible to hear. I didn’t know that my face shows any anorexia signs. I also didn’t think my body was skinny enough for someone to notice. At this point I almost started crying. She was the first person (in real life) I was speaking to about this.
She was very direct, and we talked a bit about the ED. She immediately named it as anorexia, sometimes as eating disorder. She was quite empathetic, but still very direct.
She now wants me to write a food diary till next week. She first wants to tackle the eating disorder and then the depressive issues, she says that’s the only way it would make sense, because of the brains neurotransmitter-system and so on.
Honestly I’m quite scared of everything and very confused, but I see how it goes on. I’ll try writing this diary, although it’s immensely triggering. I don’t feel ready for recovery at all, but talking to someone was helpful, I have to admit.
Thanks again sooo much for the support and I hope this post might help for someone struggling with the same questions concerning therapy/depressive issues.
Hugs :)
[Other] I occasionally dumpster dive for fun and profit. Tonight, the diving gods were in unison: I'm fat.
/u/crochetyhooker [5'8" | CW 186.6 |GW 180|UGW 140]
Created: Sat Sep 29 06:52:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jwe1a/i_occasionally_dumpster_dive_for_fun_and_profit/
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https://i.redd.it/86lyek9qc6p11.jpg
[Discussion] This is what my binging and restricting has caused (2004-2018)
/u/NeutralSmithHotel [6'1.4 | CW: 179 | BMI: 23.4 | Weight Lost: -191| M]
Created: Sat Sep 29 06:44:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jwc5m/this_is_what_my_binging_and_restricting_has/
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https://i.redd.it/6txbfml6b6p11.png
[Goal] I want to hate myself more
/u/LynCross
Created: Sat Sep 29 06:20:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jw6br/i_want_to_hate_myself_more/
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I think my willpower is not strong enough. No change because I'm not desperate enough. I'm going to memorize every inch of my disgusting body to hate myself more.
I dumpster dive occasionally. This pharmacy apparently thinks I'm fat T.T
/u/crochetyhooker [5'8" | CW 186.6 |GW 180|UGW 140]
Created: Sat Sep 29 06:12:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jw4kq/i_dumpster_dive_occasionally_this_pharmacy/
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https://i.redd.it/hg2ej4yl56p11.jpg
[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! September 29, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Sep 29 06:11:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jw4be/stupid_questions_saturday_september_29_2018/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for September 29, 2018.
Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.
Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**
*****
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
Daily Food Diary! September 29, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Sep 29 06:10:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jw42s/daily_food_diary_september_29_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for September 29, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Help] A question about logging tea?!
/u/-PM-ME-NICE-THINGS- [5"2 | CW: 51kg | BMI: 20.6 | Ortho]
Created: Sat Sep 29 05:56:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jw0u5/a_question_about_logging_tea/
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I don't know if I'm dumb or something, but I can't wrap my head around this!
I drink peppermint tea and I drink the fancy kind so I use one teabag for two cups. This takes away the bitterness of leaving it in the mug too long and it means I don't need to buy a new box every two minutes for a mortgage.
Anyway, do I therefore log it as one cup or two? I know it's the same bag but it's not like transferring it to a new cup makes all the existing calories disappear?
God. This tea is only 2kcals per mug. Only I'd care about this 🙄 hahaha
First time I've told someone during an episode, unsure of how I feel
/u/paletuvier
Created: Sat Sep 29 05:46:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jvyqk/first_time_ive_told_someone_during_an_episode/
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So, my undiagnosed but clearly existing ED (most likely osfed) is very cyclical. I'll restrict heavily for a month with a couple of binges that I unsuccessfully try to purge, and then I'll get in a constant binge pattern, and slowly go back to a... Semi normal pattern of just annoying emotional over eating and attempts at eating "healthy". Then wait a few months, more or less depending on depression and anxiety, and realise I've gained weight and still hate myself, and start again.
Thing is, I've only ever told my ex/my best friend AFTER the cycle was back to a sorta normal place. Never while restricting. This time around though, I had been discussing with my current significant other how triggering my phys ed class was, and how weird it would be for someone to know while I was in the cycle, if only because of the worry and examining of my eating patterns that would come.
Well, I'm back in the cycle now. But I told my best friend, because I was so anxious I just needed to tell someone, and after two days of almost completely liquid fasting, I ate a tiny portion of dinner with my boyfriend, had to force down every bite, and proceeded to have a panic attack after I was done. Sorta felt I had to explain it, so I did. But I'm only a few DAYS into the cycle, I am not planning on stopping restricting right now. I don't know what to do, it's weird to be like, heeeey, this is agony, I hate it, but I'm not stopping even though you know I'm hurting myself right now. Hope that's ok with you! Just... Ugh, weird.
TL,DR. Told my s/o about restricting, not planning to stop anytime soon, now have no idea how to act about it around him...
[Rant/Rave] water retention is making me cry.
/u/tipsypuppy
Created: Sat Sep 29 05:44:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jvya9/water_retention_is_making_me_cry/
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like holy shitttttttt I've been retaining so much water for the past week?? I want to blame my period that's meant to be due in a week's time, because my weight has been randomly jumping up 1kg at a time despite me eating maintenance calories and doing an hour on the exercise bike each day. two weeks ago I was complaining about plateauing at 55 kg, last Friday I somehow gained a full kg in one day and got stuck there, and now I've gone up to 57.7??? I can feel how full my stomach is, I can feel my thighs slowly filling up and UGHHH. I feel so terrible, so frustrated and just want to shrivel up and die. I hate my body so fucking much right now.
Why do I keep failing?
/u/iron_blanket
Created: Sat Sep 29 05:43:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jvy13/why_do_i_keep_failing/
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I've only recently started restricting and purging again and I know this is going to sound stupid, but I'm devastated by how bad I am at it. When I was younger restricting was so easy. Purging was easy. Exercise was easy. But now ... Urgh
Maybe it's because when I was at school I had a lot more free time, but now I'm working crazy hours and I've had two years of what I would describe as undiagnosed BED I just don't have the same drive. I cave so easily, I have a LOT of bad habits.
For example, this morning after me and my boyfriend had an argument, the first thing I did was run to the supermarket to buy boxes of chocolates, pastries, sweets and milkshake to gorge on. I feel so disappointed in myself. Why am I being so weak? Why am I allowing myself to fail like this. I couldn't even purge because I'm so dehydrated and my boyfriend came downstairs just as I was getting close.... Fuck
I'm overweight. How did I get here? I've gained 30kgs in the past two years. Wtf... It's insane!
Onwards and upwards. I've put the food down today and I'm not going to touch it again. I'm going to try get out and go for a run. So hopefully that will make me feel better
[Rant/Rave] I have such a love hate relationship with coffee and diet soda
/u/alonlioak
Created: Sat Sep 29 04:19:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jvgc5/i_have_such_a_love_hate_relationship_with_coffee/
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On one hand they taste really good and are my only saviour when I’m heavy restricting but at the same time, they tend to either make me really anxious or hyper if I’m not eating, which isn’t great when I’m around people all day, and they’re dehydrating blah blah
But then I get more done when I do drink them sooo I think I’m just gonna keep drinking my coffee and cherry Pepsi/Diet Coke and monster at least on weekends and after uni hours
Also does anyone else really like the new Diet Coke cans? I feel like they’re more discrete somehow? Like the grey sort of yelled ‘this is the dull version of Coke’.the red and black is way sleeker
How often do you weigh yourself?
/u/Fritochipteeth
Created: Sat Sep 29 04:04:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jvdzs/how_often_do_you_weigh_yourself/
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For me it can be upwards of 20 times a day...
Yall late periods suck
/u/itsoobak
Created: Sat Sep 29 03:56:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jvcr5/yall_late_periods_suck/
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I don’t know if anyone else has this happen but my period just came today, three weeks late, and while that’s a relief (i’m not pregnant even tho im a virgin ha ha) i deadass have had period cravings / bloat / general weight gainfor an ENTIRE MONTH because generally the week before my period i get bloaty and H A N G R Y and ive been like that since my period was supposed to come !!!!!!! god why!! at least now it’ll be easier to restrict
Anybody Else Try And Justify Laxative Abuse?
/u/Saltinmylattee
Created: Sat Sep 29 03:32:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jv91b/anybody_else_try_and_justify_laxative_abuse/
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I'll tell myself " Oh you haven't really had a BM in a while" and then take some lax. I absolutely die from it later though. The cramps are horrible! ><
Moments when I realise how much dysmorphia affects my perspective are wild
/u/COOKIE_PRINCESS [4'10" | 🍪 | F]
Created: Sat Sep 29 03:27:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jv8cw/moments_when_i_realise_how_much_dysmorphia/
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So I'm looking at my body and feeling like I look particularly bloated and fat. Decide to measure myself and find that I'm actually the exact same as yesterday and my previous low, and suddenly my body looks a whole lot better???
[Rant/Rave] 3 months progress, a visual guide
/u/BunnyAwesome [5'7"| F | CW 116 | GW 105]
Created: Sat Sep 29 02:50:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jv2fk/3_months_progress_a_visual_guide/
---
https://i.redd.it/jdw6t40o55p11.jpg
[Help] Scale help?
/u/elite-alien
Created: Sat Sep 29 02:43:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jv1fb/scale_help/
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My scale weighed me at 114lbs today. That can't be right. I got the scale from my housemate leaving it behind her... I think she had an ED too. How do I know it's right? Is this just my head?
Feeling like a fraud to my bf
/u/lovelysilliness
Created: Sat Sep 29 02:39:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jv0qz/feeling_like_a_fraud_to_my_bf/
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So today as I was making myself dinner I showed my bf (who I honestly think has some disordered eating behaviors, but I think they’re more linked to anxiety than self image or self hatred) this instagram that shows before and afters of people and celebs using facetune. And some of their posts are also extreme close ups and some are instagram vs reality side by sides. So I was telling him how silly it was and how they all looked fine and didn’t need to change their photos or distort their bodies into humanly impossible shapes and smoothness. Then my alarm for my food went off and I just felt so stupid and like such a fraud. Like part of me wants him to know about my struggle with food, but obviously part of me is trying to trick him into thinking I’m fine. But like I truly believe all of those people look amazing without editing their pictures!! It’s just me who’s gross. And then I felt completely insane as well as a fraud and a liar. Doesn’t help he’s an amateur photographer (tho I know he doesn’t edit models bodies). That realization made me feel stupid, too. I’m always telling him I’m not a model when he wants to take pictures of me. UGH. Sorry for the wall of text vent😅
[Rant/Rave] fuck food.
/u/deadgirlaesthetic
Created: Sat Sep 29 01:49:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jut35/fuck_food/
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fuck food. i hate food. i hate being hungry. i hate how disgusting i feel when it sits and digests in my body. i hate how deliciously tempting it is. i hate being near it. i hate (envy) people that can go out and eat at actual restaurants with actual meals and not gain 5 pounds in that one sitting. fuck food. i fucking hate food. fuck food.
When did you decide to see a doctor and what was the outcome?
/u/Jessica_Briefly
Created: Sat Sep 29 00:24:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jueqk/when_did_you_decide_to_see_a_doctor_and_what_was/
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This all started when I was 14 I think binging was first then I was seriously over weight (which is way bad bc I have always been FAT) which lead to purging. On and off ED, or drug addiction never both at the same time. If I was on drugs I didn't eat so I didn't have to worry about my weight. I had trichotillomania for a while too but thank God that went away! I think the drugs helped.... Annnnyway, sorry for the ramble, but I never have seen a Doctor for my ED and I think it might be time. I have been purging EVERYTHING I EAT. Even if I just have a piece of pizza. It has been like this for like 6 months. I don't know how to stop other than starting to do drugs again which isn't an option I'm doing great right now.
So when did you decide to see a doctor ?
What did the doctor recommend? Counseling? Medication? Both?
I'd like to hear from y'all :) Thanks
[Rant/Rave] my best friend is catching on and i really didn’t want her to
/u/sono-pazza
Created: Fri Sep 28 23:58:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jua7z/my_best_friend_is_catching_on_and_i_really_didnt/
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i was talking about making popcorn and she was like “yeah you didn’t eat much today.. i let you get away with it today but i don’t want that to keep happening”. all i ate was a yogurt and an apple. we’re best friends and live together so i’m sure that’s how she noticed. i’m glad she’s concerned but idk i just wanna go through and deal with this myself and my own way if that makes sense?
[Goal] Working my way back
/u/seedlesssunflower
Created: Fri Sep 28 23:49:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ju8kb/working_my_way_back/
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I suck at fasting. Or at least the fat slob in me sucks at fasting. For now I use the fasting timer as times for me to heavily restrict calories. In 23 hours I’ll have at most 600 cal and 2 monster ultra zeros. Anybody else incapable at fasting?
Ana’s Disciples Discord Deletion
/u/rspades [5’4” | 102 | 17.5 | -50 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Sep 28 23:24:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ju42w/anas_disciples_discord_deletion/
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Welp the discord server I was on since July got deleted and i have no idea how to find anyone from it or find one similar and it’s really throwing my life into a tailspin lol. Was anyone else on that server? It was so big and supportive I honestly feel lost
Jello
/u/lilmdjd [5’3 | CW: 130 | BMI: 23 | LW: 94| - 17| 23F ]
Created: Fri Sep 28 23:12:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ju1q0/jello/
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I’m laying here, stoned, daydreaming about jello. I want to make a massive quantity of sugar free jello and eat it all. Not sure how to avoid my roommates noticing a planet sized bowl of jello tho
[Help] Am I sick enough to recover...... or do I need to relapse even more?
/u/readiton_reddit55
Created: Fri Sep 28 22:52:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jtxwf/am_i_sick_enough_to_recover_or_do_i_need_to/
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Okay here is my rant I just don’t know what to do and I am so frustrated. I’ve had an ED since I was 9, in and out of treatment throughout high school but what sucks is that I was never underweight. I never had really damaging physical symptoms to prove how sick I was and I feel like a fake. More importantly, I feel really fat especially when I get blind weights done and told that I have maintained because god damn it freaking sucks. I just want to lose weight so bad, I want to see myself shrivel away.
At the same time I know that all that will do is land me in another residential treatment facility and I will have to put my life on hold again. I keep thinking that I can relapse into my eating disorder without that part where I get depressed and miserable and obsessed. Eh. I am already obsessed so I guess more obsessed would be the right way to say it.
I am in college and I want to experience college life but I am also afraid that if I let myself go I will gain a ton of weight back which can not happen.
Do I just say screw if, restrict, lose weight? Then I can feel like the therapy and dietician appointments I attend nowa are actually necessary. Do I keep feeling horrible and like a fraud and recovering?
If anyone has any ideas what I should do I’m open to anything and very desperate.
[Other] I love you guys
/u/landfill7707 [5'3| 101 | 17.9| 19F]
Created: Fri Sep 28 22:46:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jtwtp/i_love_you_guys/
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I’m a little bit drunk but I just want to say that no matter how shitty things get it always comes back to my ED which means it always comes back to you guys who make an impossible situation less not okay ❤️
I wish there was a drug that if you take it, you'll wake up skinny.
/u/twaked0uts0ap
Created: Fri Sep 28 22:30:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jttlt/i_wish_there_was_a_drug_that_if_you_take_it_youll/
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Unfortunately the closest thing to that is meth, but only you dont wake up, you look in a mirror one day during a bender and realize you've lost 40lbs. Haha
hello my name is keegz 500
/u/keegz500
Created: Fri Sep 28 22:28:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jtt72/hello_my_name_is_keegz_500/
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if any of you guys have one second please go to this link and subscribe i do funny blogs and video games my you tube is keegz 500 [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC\_eCOm-u3OwcZCMCNo63L0Q?view\_as=subscriber](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC_eCOm-u3OwcZCMCNo63L0Q?view_as=subscriber)
[Help] Pros and cons of vitamins?
/u/-Summerr-
Created: Fri Sep 28 22:19:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jtrga/pros_and_cons_of_vitamins/
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I recently started using vitamins that I’ve been stealing from my mom. Currently, I’m taking B12 and D3. I was wondering what exactly were the pros and cons of taking these vitamins. On the bottle, it said it strengthens bones, the heart, immune system, and some other things. Also, does anyone have any tips on swallowing pills? I struggle to get them down with water or applesauce. I’m trying to be “healthy”, so that’s why I’m starting vitamins. I’m not really sure what the cons would be, but that’s why I’m asking.
[Discussion] I feel like I am cracking and I’m holding myself up by the tips of my fingers. Below my breast’s is my stomach and there is one eye there that looks out from that place where I hold so much shame.
/u/EatingMyArtOut
Created: Fri Sep 28 22:10:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jtpqp/i_feel_like_i_am_cracking_and_im_holding_myself/
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https://i.redd.it/883nugopr3p11.jpg
[Tip] I feel like I am cracking and I’m holding myself up by the tips of my fingers. Below my breast’s is my stomach and there is one eye there that looks out from that place where I hold so much shame.
/u/EatingMyArtOut
Created: Fri Sep 28 21:58:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jtnaf/i_feel_like_i_am_cracking_and_im_holding_myself/
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https://i.redd.it/p75psiakp3p11.jpg
[Discussion] I feel like I am cracking and I’m holding myself up by the tips of my fingers. Below my breast’s is my stomach and there is one eye there that looks out from that place where I hold so much shame.
/u/EatingMyArtOut
Created: Fri Sep 28 21:42:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jtjwh/i_feel_like_i_am_cracking_and_im_holding_myself/
---
https://i.redd.it/uqad6o9om3p11.jpg
[Goal] New set of rules: time to hold myself accountable!!
/u/jaymi321
Created: Fri Sep 28 21:41:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jtjn8/new_set_of_rules_time_to_hold_myself_accountable/
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So I’ve completely sucked lately at keeping on track. I’ve binged far too often and just have kept to an awful eating schedule. SO I decided to make a whole new set of rules for me to follow for October (altho I’m starting early tmrw). I wanna post them here to help keep myself accountable, and I wanna know what other tips or goals y’all have or wanna suggest!
I’m also a college athlete so I have to have enough energy for practice and lift while still keeping under calories (which is a whole other struggle 🤦♀️), so if some of the rules seem strange or oddly specific that’s why.
Without further ado, they are:
- No breakfast except coffee, Wednesdays allowed a banana after conditioning
- climb every day after practice, only allowed to skip when I actually don’t have the time, no excuses
- lunch is a wrap/chicken sandwich or something calorically and macro wise equal, 1.5-2 hours before practice aka around 1
- one (1!!!) banana allowed before practice/lift, if can split so half before half after
- dinner == one (1!!!) protein bar, find a good one at the store
- fast on off days, allowed light before/after meal (aka under 300) when lift
- run a mile after lift
- run after games when I don’t play a full game
- run outside on off days with no lift
- drink full glass of water before eating anything
- when tempted to eat do school work instead
Lemme know if y’all have other suggestions or tips! Here’s to a skinnier me by the end of October!
[Rant/Rave] fellow bulimic BPd my SAFE FOODS (rant)
/u/swagcat9000 [5'5" | 131 lbs | 21.8 | -37 | M |]
Created: Fri Sep 28 21:08:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jtcjv/fellow_bulimic_bpd_my_safe_foods_rant/
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my bulimic friend ate all of my fucking smartfood white cheddar and gummy worms while high on weed i bought him and he purged it i am SO MAD because they were the only safe foods i had at the time and i understand how bulimia is because i’m also bulimic but still?
lowkey feel like a bitch for being mad but. that was my food.
[Rant/Rave] unexpected!!!! (rave!)
/u/swagcat9000 [5'5" | 131 lbs | 21.8 | -37 | M |]
Created: Fri Sep 28 20:57:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jta0w/unexpected_rave/
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(rant/rave flair)
yall!!! ive been in college for 4 weeks thought i was binging/bping like crazy not restricting enough but i weighed myself for the first time in over a month and i lost 10 pounds!
h o w is this possible! like i'm super psyched but how??? now i’m just 5 lbs away from losing the “freshman -15” (its like the freshman 15 except you lose 15 lbs instead of gaining)
[Discussion] I just binged and everything didn’t taste very good.
/u/Just-Another-Mom [5'8" | 142 | 21.5 | 43lbs | F]
Created: Fri Sep 28 20:31:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jt3v8/i_just_binged_and_everything_didnt_taste_very_good/
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Has anyone had a binge like this? Nothing tasted excellent and it seems like such a waste.
Despair felt when you’re so thirsty but you have to purge first
/u/Emorito [5'3 |CW: 109 |-36 | 22F]
Created: Fri Sep 28 20:27:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jt328/despair_felt_when_youre_so_thirsty_but_you_have/
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The realization that I can’t quench my insatiable thirst without first purging and dehydrating myself further is depressing af. Like I just want water SO bad right now, but I have to wait and expel water out my body now so too bad! At the end of my binges are often when I’m the thirstiest (especially if it’s the second/third time of the day). It’s too bad I’m too full to drink liquids or too concerned with how more liquid would screw up the liquid:food ratio in my stomach....wouldn’t want to make the purge less successful right.
[Discussion] Indulging in a little drunkorexia
/u/alienatkerba
Created: Fri Sep 28 20:22:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jt1sa/indulging_in_a_little_drunkorexia/
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I managed to drink enough wine to get tipsy *and* stayed under 1200 calories for today! Yay!
What's your preferred low calorie post-drinking breakfast? I feel like I'm more at risk for binging the next day, but starting out with protein and a little fat helps. Example turkey slices and avocado or a scrambled egg with some cheese and peppers.
Also why not tell me what your ed-related drama of the week is! I told a coworker that my weight loss secret is not eating! I'm sure that won't come back to haunt me 🙃
peach goes back up faster if you email their team about it being down
/u/xxxrxrrv [5'5 | CW: 105ish | GW: 100 | 23]
Created: Fri Sep 28 20:21:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jt1rx/peach_goes_back_up_faster_if_you_email_their_team/
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there are a few email addresses listed on their website - peach.cool - and i’ve noticed that if you send a note to (at least) one of them when it goes down, it usually comes back within like an hour
[Discussion] Do you workout?
/u/kickkkasss [5'5 | CW:134 | GW:110 | F]
Created: Fri Sep 28 20:17:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jt0nx/do_you_workout/
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A couple years ago I reached my lowest weight. At the time I was working out a lot. I didn’t feel like it at the time, but looking back I had some okay muscle definition and looked pretty good. I recently reached that weight again and I am not working out. And my body looks so different than it did when I was at this weight two years ago. My clothes from that time don’t fit either so I know it isn’t just in my head. I just have all this fat in my stomach and back and thighs and I look fat as fuck. I know it’s dumb, but I tell myself working out doesn’t matter it’s all about how you eat. Which is kind of true but obviously not completely true, but for some reason I can’t get myself to workout even though I have clear proof I need to. So do you guys workout? How do you workout? And how does it affect your body?
[Rant/Rave] Bronkaid is a god send
/u/LivelyGhost [5'6" | CW: 136 | GW: 111 | -28 lbs]
Created: Fri Sep 28 20:16:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jt0ko/bronkaid_is_a_god_send/
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Getting bronkaid was so god damn easy and stacking wasn’t bad at all! So far I woke up for an 8:30 lecture and popped one 100 mg caffeine pill and one bronkaid and one L-Theanine and I wasn’t jittery, but I had energy and I wasn’t hungry! The crash wasn’t as bad as I thought either, it was more of a gentle energy boost wearing off and that was it. I popped a half bronkaid and a little bit of coffee at around 5 pm and I’m back to not being hungry! All I’ve had today is one fiber one bar, like three spoons of Greek yogurt, a bite of a Clif Bar, and just now half of a fun sized 3 musketeers. I don’t even have to try to restrict because it’s not appealing in the slightest. One taste is fine, anything more is just unappealing. I’ll do my best to drink lots of water whenever I’m stacking and try and limit myself to 3-4 days a week of stacking only. But I’m just so pleased as someone with a binging problem. I’m not even thinking about food, it’s fucking fantastic!
💔
/u/Lets_leave_theparty [5'9 | CW:158.8 | GW:125 | 21F]
Created: Fri Sep 28 20:10:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jsz2e/_/
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Peach is down :(
[Discussion] Flatbelly brand teas and lollipops
/u/ArkhamBrothers [5’1 👻 CW:118 👻 GW:90 👻 F]
Created: Fri Sep 28 20:05:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jsxx0/flatbelly_brand_teas_and_lollipops/
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Have any of you tried this brand and has it worked? Any friends or family? I don’t trust the sponsored reviews.
Some kid on YouTube tried the lollipops and he was already skinny (healthy skinny) and he said they actually suppressed appetite. I can’t be having those at work so I wanted the tea.
Any luck with this? I want to know only about these products, so
before I get other suggestions, I use ballerina tea once a week. (R.i.p muh b hole)
I just don’t want to waste money >.<
I've gained some weight and was ok with it until body dysmorphia
/u/jeanisdead [5'2.5" | 98lbs]
Created: Fri Sep 28 19:52:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jsv3e/ive_gained_some_weight_and_was_ok_with_it_until/
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I'm on my way to being drunk on vodka waters instead of eating dinner tonight simply because my reflection has been consistently inconsistent since I have gradually gained some (probably) healthy, (fat) weight.
I'm petite. Sometimes I think the fact that I am small in stature makes this 2982929666x worse. Five pounds added to my frame is extremely noticeable. A five pound loss on my frame is extremely noticeable.
I've seen my body look fat, fit, and ok today. But guess which reflection I believe is the truth?
My period is due next week, which is most likely playing a massive role in all of this. I no longer restrict, I don't weigh myself. I work out regularly, I rarely b/p. Most days, I'm ok with my body.
But after a little gain, a little pms, a lot of mirrors, Windows, shadows, photos. It's almost as though body dysmorphia robs me of all of my progress. Hopefully this is temporary. Who knows. Maybe tomorrow I'll wake up nice and dehydrated and decide I'm looking good again.
Until I see my reflection in a car window or something.
Cheers<3
hi excuse me but WHAT THE FUCK
/u/seeyasis
Created: Fri Sep 28 19:49:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jsu65/hi_excuse_me_but_what_the_fuck/
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HOW DO I WEIGHT 52kgs IN THE MORNING AND THEN 54.5kgs IN THE AFTERNOON
[Help] I think I left part of my calorie counts in class today...
/u/malificentbeauty [5'2.5 | SW 150 | GW 110 | -9 | 21F ]
Created: Fri Sep 28 19:43:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jssvy/i_think_i_left_part_of_my_calorie_counts_in_class/
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So as the title says, I ripped my planned calories for today out of my food journal at the beginning of class because I switched my plan this morning. I folded it up and left it under my laptop because I was thinking I would throw it away later. I had to leave early though to go to my next class and I’m afraid I left it there. I was sitting with my group for a project and I’m afraid they might have picked it up and looked at what it was. What do I do if they did?? It was like max total 600 calories on that thing for a day.
What is it like for you when you walk through a grocery store?
/u/EatingMyArtOut
Created: Fri Sep 28 19:25:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jsoq4/what_is_it_like_for_you_when_you_walk_through_a/
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I always felt so alone in such a public place. I felt like everyone could see what was wrong with me while at the same time no one could actually see me. What is it like for you when you go to a grocery store? I am wondering how others feel when walking the long food isles. What does the struggle feel like? I always equated it to a struggling alcoholic having to walk through a liquor store. I am doing some writing around this and I want to know how it is for others too.
What's the point?
/u/deanhipchester [5' | lmao | 21F]
Created: Fri Sep 28 19:00:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jsivh/whats_the_point/
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I hate myself when I eat and I hate myself when I don't eat. I think I've just gotten to the point in my eating disorder where I'm just tired of it (but have no real desire to recover?).
**Side note:** I don’t think people get how inconvenient eating disorders are. Like I want to go out and have fun for homecoming weekend tomorrow but I can't because I gained weight. I can't even go back to my home city because it's a huge b/p place for me.
[Discussion] You guys are the only ones who get it
/u/ihate-chicken [5’7” | CW:116 | 18.1 |]
Created: Fri Sep 28 18:58:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jsig3/you_guys_are_the_only_ones_who_get_it/
---
I don’t wish an ED on any of my friends at school or at home but it feels so damn lonely sometimes having all of these feelings and irrational thoughts and not having anyone to share them with or not having someone who understands.
You guys are that someone in my life. You guys get it and I don’t feel judged ❤️ thank you for that
[Help] Meanspo??
/u/dreamedotcom
Created: Fri Sep 28 18:52:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jsh0v/meanspo/
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Hi don’t know if this is allowed here, so mods pls remove if not appropriate. This is going to sound like MPA old school but will someone please be my meanspo coach on Snapchat? I’m in a couple of support groups proed, but everyone is too nice, I need someone to tell me to cut my shit out and just put the fucking food down.
HW 84kg
LW 55kg.
Current weight is 60 kg and I can’t get my head around this upward trend with my weight. It took me a year to get down to 55 and I want to be 50 kg.
Please help. Pm me with ur snap
[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Vent] ~5month cycle of binging
/u/1578970
Created: Fri Sep 28 18:44:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jsf6k/rantvent_5month_cycle_of_binging/
---
Went from ~115lbs at 5'10" to 155lb+. Fucking end my life now thx
I guess this is what happens after eating alone like a legbeard to satisfy emotions
____________________________________________
Is this a low-effort post?
Pre-Party Blues
/u/PM-ME-CORGIS
Created: Fri Sep 28 18:26:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jsapi/preparty_blues/
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I picked out two outfits for a party for tonight a week ago. I'm super pumped and I do my makeup all nice and I go to put them on and BOTH don't fit. I knew i had gained some weight since I stopped counting every single calorie but wow I didn't realize it was this bad. Now I'm wearing some random dress and feeling really depressed. Happy Friday Night!
Which dish has the least cals? [urgent!!]
/u/BEDBulimic [153cm | CW: 55.8 | GW1: 55 | -8.2 | 20F]
Created: Fri Sep 28 18:16:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9js8d6/which_dish_has_the_least_cals_urgent/
---
https://i.redd.it/dpwa2khul2p11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] Binged and now im punishing myself
/u/HonestSpeak
Created: Fri Sep 28 18:10:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9js6ry/binged_and_now_im_punishing_myself/
---
I binge every day pretty much, but I was able to restrict once, I can do it again because while most people can restrict easier on weekdays, they are so hard for me. The weekend is coming up, though and I am ready to make any excuse I have to to stop fucking eating.
I hate being this way.
[Rant/Rave] My bank account is fuming rn
/u/markexclamationmark
Created: Fri Sep 28 18:10:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9js6oo/my_bank_account_is_fuming_rn/
---
Finally plucked up the courage to ask the pharmacist for Sudafed, had to supply my ID etc. I get home all pumped to try it out and reach my #goals™ and I open it up to find just 12 tablets...
That shit cost me FIFTEEN BUCKS FIFTY 😭 that's more than a dollar a tablet, and the max dose a day is 4.
I could theoretically burn through these in 3 days and be too scared to buy more incase I get jumped by the feds at the chemist counter lmao
[Goal] Anyone else excited for October?
/u/Personal102 [17M | GW:130 | H: 6'0"| CW:160 | ]
Created: Fri Sep 28 17:58:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9js3zo/anyone_else_excited_for_october/
---
Anyone else got goals set for October? Im taking a stance against the restrict/binge cycle. I'm going to restrict heavily and not binge a single day. I'm very excited for the results and am mentally preparing myself right now for this upcoming month. Boy is this month gonna be tough, but I will not fail. #NoBingeOctober
Just a thought: if my body is horrible after losing 12kg...
/u/lunasouseiseki [180cm | 77kg | 23.8 | -10kg | F:snoo_shrug:]
Created: Fri Sep 28 17:57:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9js3qq/just_a_thought_if_my_body_is_horrible_after/
---
...then how bad did I look before 🤮🤮🤮
[Help] Low calorie dining options in DC
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | CW: 114 | GW:105 | UGW 100 | F]
Created: Fri Sep 28 17:40:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jrznm/low_calorie_dining_options_in_dc/
---
My grand parents want to take me out to dinner on Sunday. I’m panicking looking for dining options. Not fast food but something where I can find the calories. Preferably under 800 calories.
[Rant/Rave] I’ve been sitting in the bathroom for 30 minutes
/u/speedayyyy [5’7 | CW 165 | BMI 25.84 | GW 120 | 21F| 50lbs lost]
Created: Fri Sep 28 17:33:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jrxzs/ive_been_sitting_in_the_bathroom_for_30_minutes/
---
Took a suppository laxative, stomach got angry because I haven’t had a bm in 3 days and now I’m suffering 😭 kill me
What's your eating philosophy these days?
/u/smallest_madeline [F 5'1" | CW 96.8 | HW 125 | LW 80| GW 70 🍑 smallest_madeline]
Created: Fri Sep 28 17:25:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jrw0x/whats_your_eating_philosophy_these_days/
---
Am I the only one fascinated by people's diets? People always joke about how boring it is to hear about what other people eat but I am like so obsessed with it!
What rules are you keeping? What diet are you trying? Any patterns in your meals you keep down versus those you purge?
I'm covering not eating with saving up money so no questions asked
/u/LynCross
Created: Fri Sep 28 17:22:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jrvcg/im_covering_not_eating_with_saving_up_money_so_no/
---
I lost a huge amount of money and bought new clothes. I want to fill my bankacc before a trip on oct 27 so I'm going to an extreme diet now. I want to fit cute clothes and the like, however; lunch is like a social gather and I don't want to lose my friends bc I don't eat with them, so I had the genius idea to let them know I'm saving up money so I can't eat! I will be pretty and more money! Genius!
[Rant/Rave] DO NOT talk to me while I'm eating.
/u/galpalsupreme [5'9" | 165.6 | 24.5 | -94.4 | F]
Created: Fri Sep 28 17:14:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jrtc6/do_not_talk_to_me_while_im_eating/
---
I'm in BED recovery and honestly I don't even think I can say that anymore because it has swung to the other extreme. If I eat over 800 calories in a day now I cry and feel like a failure and want to die. I do IF and because I eat so little/infrequently, I want to MURDER people if they try to talk to me when I'm eating. TALK TO ME LATER. ANY TIME BUT NOW. I NEVER GET FOOD. LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.
[Rant/Rave] Today is just one of those days.
/u/kayasawyer [ 4'11 | 119.8 | 18.5 | 20 | 22 F]
Created: Fri Sep 28 17:09:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jrs13/today_is_just_one_of_those_days/
---
I have food coming and I hope I can keep it down, actually I know I can but I’m afraid of how I will react if I do end up keeping it down. I’m probably just like psyching myself out and I’ll be okay. Especially after the loss of today and someone else a few days ago. My problems are so minuscule compared to them. I’m just trying. I’m trying so hard. I hope you’re all well. EDs are hard, yes I know it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with and that’s saying a lot but I’m trying to take a moment each day to realise that there are things I’m grateful for. Today I’m just struggling. I don’t expect it to “fix” me but it does help my other mental health issues.
Anyway, I hope everyone is doing okay. Tell your loved ones you love them. Hug them. If you can, get the toxic people out of your life. It’s too damn short. Grab life by the reigns and hold on tight to the good things. When we’re sick like this, it’s all we have.
[Rant/Rave] A small fuckin rant about bulimia
/u/Burlesqua [🌷 5'4'' | CW:108 | BMI:18 | 20/F]
Created: Fri Sep 28 17:09:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jrrzr/a_small_fuckin_rant_about_bulimia/
---
Hey guys, it’s me. Long time no see and I’m back with a damn rant because I’m so fuckin done.
Having bulimia is the WORST. You hate yourself for eating but you don’t stop *because* you hate yourself. You see the numbers going up and down on the scale but it’s NEVER enough. You throw up and tears are rolling down your cheeks because it’s painful but also because you’re ashamed of yourself. You hide and think of a million ways to puke without anybody noticing. You wake up and tell yourself “okay no more, I got this” just to end up at 2am punching your stomach because it’s so gross. Having to listen to your friends and family telling you you don’t need to lose weight but what they don’t understand is that it’s a mental illness. I know I don’t *need* to, but I fuckin crave it. Eating four pastries in a row with a whole pizza seem crazy and fun but it’s plain torture for people like us. The guilt is overwhelming. I got home from work after binging this afternoon and guess what my fatass did?? EAT MORE OF COURSE. Was I hungry?? No!! But I needed to feel the void!! Yayyyy, go me!!
I’m just so tired of it. I don’t even know why and how it happened. Fuck everything.
[Help] keeping off my meds to help myself restrict (tw suicide)
/u/kat-official [5'5" | -67.5 lbs | 🍑katv]
Created: Fri Sep 28 16:52:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jrndc/keeping_off_my_meds_to_help_myself_restrict_tw/
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stream of consciousness sorry for the rambling i don't own a journal. i'm usually on sertraline 50mg. for like anxiety and depression type shit. i haven't taken it in like 12 days just cause i can't be fucked to do it. i haven't actually eaten in like six days... just like ten crackers at a time four times a day. most of the time not even that. i don't feel hungry i just feel numb. i tried to OD on sunday but i just ended up with a really weird kinda high, and today i was supposed to go to therapy but i slept instead. my last therapist ghosted me. my last boyfriend ghosted me too and like twenty minutes ago i got dumped over text. everything in my life is - lack of a better word here - feeding this and it feels like what i'm supposed to be doing. i think i might be able to starve to death if everything stays trash.
[Tip] ultimate life hack
/u/honeybabyiris
Created: Fri Sep 28 16:30:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jrhlz/ultimate_life_hack/
---
juul pods
*mint juul pods
fuck spending money on food n 0 cal drinks ever i have saved so much lmao my wallets the only thing stayin thick here
[Help] yo yo yo squad fam guess whomst tf wants to game end
/u/itsyaboifranzi [5'0" | whale | -20 | F]
Created: Fri Sep 28 16:00:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jr9gi/yo_yo_yo_squad_fam_guess_whomst_tf_wants_to_game/
---
ya girl. i'm down half a pound. from 110lbs. i was at 106lbs before. my period bloat maybe? i dont know if its just bloat anymore and im losing hope. my period ended monday. how long does does it usually take for you guys to lose the extra weight from your periods? ive googled it but from my experience its not accurate for eds lol
[Rant/Rave] I just ordered the most basic, hipster thing to avoid eating
/u/malificentbeauty [5'2.5 | SW 150 | GW 110 | -9 | 21F ]
Created: Fri Sep 28 15:39:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jr3dl/i_just_ordered_the_most_basic_hipster_thing_to/
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I ordered a pumpkin spice vape pen. Now I can inhale my food instead of ingesting it! Think of the possibilities; French fry vape pen, pizza vape pen, steak vape pen...
Do any of you actually enjoy food anymore?
/u/finnkat [5'3 | 90lbs | 16.4 | 19f]
Created: Fri Sep 28 15:14:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jqwc3/do_any_of_you_actually_enjoy_food_anymore/
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Even when I give myself a cheat day and let myself eat a normal meal at my favorite resteraunt or get popcorn at a movie and not worry about calories, it doesn't even taste that good anymore. I always think it's going to be the best thing I've ever eaten and it's going to be so satisfying but it never lives up. Yea tacos are good and popcorn is fine but it seems like it doesn't taste as good as it used to, it's always so disappointing. And yet, I keep doing it? "This brownie is going to be sooo worth it, yea it's almost 300kcals but its worth it to treat yourself sometimes" No, it's not, its not satisfying and only makes me want more food that tastes like cardboard and I regret eating 5 minutes later.
[Discussion] Did anyone else have a “feeling” they would get an ED?
/u/elevenbravo274 [5'7 | 109 | 17.1 | 19F]
Created: Fri Sep 28 15:13:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jqvu5/did_anyone_else_have_a_feeling_they_would_get_an/
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Idk if this is a weird question or not. But I remember learning about eating disorders, specifically anorexia, and thinking, “Yeah that’s something I really need to watch out for because I can see myself falling into it” (I never thought I’d get bulimia but guess who got 2 for the price of one baBY)
Can anyone else relate? I definitely didn’t WANT it, I guess I just knew myself enough to know I’d be at risk for it.
[Other] Anyone from Madison, WI area?
/u/SourRoach420
Created: Fri Sep 28 14:50:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jqp8y/anyone_from_madison_wi_area/
---
I’m looking to meet someone that I can talk to that’s going through the same things as I am. It gets pretty discouraging when your friends and boyfriend don’t even understand why I am the way I am. I don’t know if these kinds of posts are allowed on here but it would be nice to talk to someone from the proED community in person.
Where do you find energy to do school work?
/u/HufflePuff_Badg3r
Created: Fri Sep 28 14:42:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jqn07/where_do_you_find_energy_to_do_school_work/
---
I go to a top ten university for grad school, so it's super demanding. And I'm NOT keeping up right now. But, also, I can't afford to fail.
But I have no energy from restricting. Additionally, I'm managing bipolar disorder, which the medications make it SO hard to concentrate.
Double whammy of ED and bipolar. Fuck.
How do you find the will/ability concentrate on school with no energy from restricting and medication related concentration issues?
I need to eat. But I can't. I won't. I need something else.
Drunkorexics Unite: Dry October anyone?
/u/gigi-has-issues [5'9"| CW 155| GW 115| F]
Created: Fri Sep 28 14:33:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jqk9x/drunkorexics_unite_dry_october_anyone/
---
I'm not a full on drunkorexic, but since I've gotten my bulimia under control I've started drinking more. (Before I used b/p for stress relief, but now it's wine...too much wine...several times a week and increasing in frequency). I am trying very hard to become a moderate person---not too much restricting, eating/binging, drinking, exercise---and I realized I am no longer a moderate drinker. I am going to try to not drink once in October. Does anyone want to join me?
[Rant/Rave] I'm afraid to step on the scale
/u/queenofbo0ks [5'6 | CW:148.5lbs | GW: 129lbs | UGW: 112lbs | 20F]
Created: Fri Sep 28 14:29:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jqj2c/im_afraid_to_step_on_the_scale/
---
A few weeks ago I wanted to actively lose weight and found a diet that I thought I could keep up with. I've never dieted before so I have my binges and fallbacks but I still manage.
The first week, I weighed myself, but after I saw the numbers go up a bit, I stopped.
Right now I've realized I've a full on ED. I won't go into detail, but I never thought I'd go this far. I won't stop though, I am fat and I need to lose weight. I just can't step on the scale. I'm afraid of what it will say.
I'm afraid I did not lose weight at all, that I have gained more than ever, even though I eat about 800-1200 calories a day, sometimes even less. I have lost my libido, which used to go through the roof, I hate wearing tight clothes and spend hours analysing my calorie intake and exercise.
I just needed to rant I guess, since there is nobody else I can talk to. My fiancé knows about my ED but knows he can't stop me. I just don't want to burden him with these thoughts.
I sincerely hope that I will dare to step on a scale again and see a better number than the last time I did.
Moment of weakness = $100 of binge-worthy groceries
/u/Jenny_Roberts
Created: Fri Sep 28 14:22:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jqh7t/moment_of_weakness_100_of_bingeworthy_groceries/
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(on mobile, can't flair, this is rant/rave)
I recently was able to get en EBT card (foodstamps) and my boyfriend spent the week with me, so we went grocery shopping and since it wasy first time buying with food stamps I went ham.
I bought:
4 steaks
a shrimp ring with cocktail sauce
Ice cream (2 halo top, 1 Ben n Jerry's)
croissants
cheese (3 kinds)
A metric heckton of produce
a pitcher of tea
two bottles of wine (not actually covered by the card but they were $3 each)
A giant lime-a-rita
whipped cream
A pizza
Yogurt (vanilla)
Bag of chips (I don't even like chips?)
A ton of soup
Imitation crab (family size)
A giant container of 10 cal margarita mix, which is the purchase I'm actually proud of.
I was planning on fasting for the next week, but now I don't want the food to go bad because I can't stand food waste. (I have BED but fasting actually helps me/reduces my disordered urges to eat everything)
Ughhhhh I'm so mad at myself. I want to freeze it but I can't freeze the cheeses or tea or a lot of the produce. Guess I'll invite people over for dinner until it's out of my hair. I was gonna make my BF take the cheeses with him but I forgot.
I'm also kinda paranoid that the power will go out and all my food will rot??? I always feel MENTALLY in starvation mode and have to horde food like I'm a hibernating animal?? Is anyone else like this?
Tl;dr: I got foodstamps for the first time and spent almost $100 on food with my boyfriend. Nevermind that I promised myself to fast this whole week. Oops.
Binged till it hurt, again
/u/eattillithurts
Created: Fri Sep 28 14:18:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jqfv1/binged_till_it_hurt_again/
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i do not binge because i am restricting, i am not even sure why i eat, i barely feel hunger. but my parents bring me food, which i eat although i often ate before or enough for the day.
i need tips on how to stop me physically from eating. Right now my SO pulled me literally out of the kitchen after my mother called him for help, me grapping the nektarine like gollum keeps his precious ring in his hands.
i need help
[Rant/Rave] I ate 2000 calories...
/u/jasmine0326
Created: Fri Sep 28 14:15:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jqf0l/i_ate_2000_calories/
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I know that it’s supposedly “normal” to eat 2000 calories in a day, but I feel so bad so bloated and so so terrible this is stressing me out and I just want to cry. It wasn’t even healthy food :(
[Rant/Rave] On “yummy” low-cal foods/recipes
/u/areddittoshowoff [5’3ish | C: 140 | G: 120 | H: 164 | F]
Created: Fri Sep 28 14:09:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jqdek/on_yummy_lowcal_foodsrecipes/
---
I really hope I’m not the only one who has no interest in them. The way I see it, an indulgence is an indulgence.
[Tip] You guys know about Gu?
/u/Squirrella [5ft | CW 155| GW 100| 39 F]
Created: Fri Sep 28 14:07:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jqcl4/you_guys_know_about_gu/
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There are these little packets of stuff for sale at places like R.E.I. called Gu, and you're supposed to take it before exercise and it has amino acids and caffeine and shit, right, but yesterday I tried the salted caramel one and it is FUCKING DELICIOUS and only 100 calories, and I wanted you all to know about it. :) You could probably spread one out over a few hours because they're really rich and straight up taste like an awesome dessert. I bought a few other flavors but that's the best one I've had so far.
Love my grandma but...
/u/SicRaven
Created: Fri Sep 28 13:29:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jq0rm/love_my_grandma_but/
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My parents told her i have bulimia, and the first moment I was alone with her she comes and tells me to stop the throwing up because it's not even a trend anymore, it's "out of fashion".
What.
Never underestimate a BM guys
/u/clairethelibrarian [Height 5’6’’ | CW 130 | BMI 21 | Gender 24F]
Created: Fri Sep 28 13:27:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jq028/never_underestimate_a_bm_guys/
---
Guys I woke up and weighed in at 133.4, almost a lb more than I weighed yesterday, which was especially frustrating since I’ve been eating in a calorie deficit and working out consistently
I was discouraged but I ate some breakfast which made me poop, and I felt optimistic so I decided to weigh myself again, and this time the scale read 132.6!
.8 lbs difference, even after eating a small breakfast and drinking water! And my scale is super consistent, so I know this was actually accurate!
Just a PSA 🤷🏻♀️💩
When you binge (i.e. eat a normal-person dinner) but you still wake up 3 pounds lighter and below 140 for the first time in months 🙌🏼😭
/u/[deleted]
Created: Fri Sep 28 13:08:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jptvc/when_you_binge_ie_eat_a_normalperson_dinner_but/
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https://i.redd.it/s4nsub8131p11.jpg
[Help] Halp!
/u/cobra_movement [5'6" | 160 | 26.5 | -4 | F]
Created: Fri Sep 28 13:05:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jpt0n/halp/
---
So, I do an hour of vigorous cardio on the stationary bike every day with a pretty high intensity rate. The bike's computer says I've burned only like 250 calories while MFP says I've burned almost 800. What's the deal? Does anyone know which one is more accurate? This is driving me absolutely nuts.
I’m so done
/u/gurlpls
Created: Fri Sep 28 12:51:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jpogr/im_so_done/
---
I’m so embarrassed about this. I was in work the other day, wearing a jumpsuit that I was iffy about anyway, because I’ve put on weight the last few months because I’ve been on a big binge cycle. ANYWAY. I’m standing there off to the side, doing stuff, and a customer being served by my colleague started trying to get my attention and then asked me if I was PREGNANT. I wanted to cry. I had just come back from my lunch break and I bloat really bad whenever I eat, no matter how small the amount. I just ignored him and then my coworkers were laughing about it and I was pretending I found it funny but I just wanted to die.
Guess I’m just gonna restrict until I fade into nothing hahaha. I’d kind of been in denial until this point about my weight gain but I just wanna be 120 pounds again :(
Husband ruins fast by being nice
/u/literaltent
Created: Fri Sep 28 12:50:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jpof0/husband_ruins_fast_by_being_nice/
---
18 hours into fasting and my husband comes home with my favorite food of all time ever.
We’ve been having some issues for the last few months, and he’s been extra kind and considerate for the last few days so I know he’s making an effort to work things out. And I appreciate it. Truly.
But the other part of me is like!!! Now???? Now that I’ve beaten myself up enough to regain control of how I eat? Now that you’ve treated me like shit for long enough that I’m ready to give up and give in??? And change myself so I will like what I see even if you don’t???? Now you’re being nice?
Okay 😑
[Rant/Rave] I just want to be thin
/u/MellowMelly
Created: Fri Sep 28 12:47:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jpnai/i_just_want_to_be_thin/
---
All I want is to lose weight and finally have my dream weight. But I can't stop eating. Last year I was so close to a healthy and kinda low weight. I felt so great. But then I gained almost everything back. I love eating so much, I feel so good while eating and forget everything around me, but afterwards I feel guilty. I sometimes wish I could change my food addiction to anorexia (not because I think anorexia is "a better ED", I'm just very desperate!) until I have my dream weight. But I can't stop eating. I even thought of getting a tongue piercing so I cannot eat. I need someone to arrest me and give me only a little of food. I hate it. Why can't I be addicted to something that doesn't make me fat ;_; I even started smoking, but the result was that I smoked while eating. I'm getting a tattoo next month and wanted to lose weight for it. But I didn't make it. I'm so disappointed by myself.
Food is everywhere. You cannot avoid it. People are suspicious if you eat very little and say it's not healthy, but if you eat much they just laugh and say they are glad you enjoy life and food! But I don't enjoy food, I like it because I use it as a drug.
Thanks for reading <3
Someone enable me with coffee cream.
/u/conuretrash [5'3.5''| 20 F | CW 148 | GW 115| -42 |]
Created: Fri Sep 28 12:44:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jpmc4/someone_enable_me_with_coffee_cream/
---
I put some cream in my coffee during my fast and obviously I deeply regret this horrible crime and of course despairing (I hate my brain). I probably put in around 80cals worth of cream, and that's being generous. I already burned off these calories from the walking I've done today anyway. So can someone tell me it's okay? That I didn't fail? I am so tempted to eat a brownie since I've already doomed myself.
[Rant/Rave] My friend sent me a snap of myself...
/u/catalystrose [5'1 | 111 | BMI 21ish | GW 95 | F]
Created: Fri Sep 28 12:38:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jpksi/my_friend_sent_me_a_snap_of_myself/
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...while I was eating out with a group of people. I am EXTREMELY triggered right now. I looked so fat. My arms were gigantic, and I was just shoveling food in my face.
I worked so hard to get my order exactly the way I wanted it so it would be lower calorie, even though this place was literally all fried carnival food. I don't think I'll be eating for the rest of the day now, or the weekend. I feel awful.
[Rant/Rave] My friends told my mum they think I’m bulimic and I’m really mad and don’t think I can trust them again.
/u/lilxrxdish
Created: Fri Sep 28 12:09:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jpbx1/my_friends_told_my_mum_they_think_im_bulimic_and/
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I dunno if this is the right place to post this but I thought I might get some support here. So I’ve been cutting calories, and working out a lot for the last 6 months. If I eat too much I’ll purge, but I don’t do this that often. My friend was over at mine a while ago and we got kinda drunk and I went to throw up. I told her what I was doing cause I was drunk and she said it was dangerous but I told her not to say anything to anyone and that I only did it sometimes.
Anyway fast foreword a few months and I come home the other day and my mum is like crying and asks me to sit down. She said she got a phone call from one of my friends telling her she thought I was bulimic. It wasn’t the friend who I told, it was another one, and my mum said that all my friends were worried. She also got a phone call from someone’s mum who works with people with eating disorders and she said she was really worried about me and that I had many signs of an eating disorder.
So of course I was mad. I’m not bulimic. Throwing up sometimes doesn’t make me bulimic. I told my mum I wasn’t but I dunno if she believes me or not. She knows I’ve lost a lot of weight but she knows it’s mainly from me cutting calories and working out. I’m only slightly underweight and quite happy with my body. Part of me feels like this is a jealousy thing. I get a lot of attention for my body now and I honestly think they’re just mad that Im getting more attention than them.
I asked my mum why they thought I was bulimic and she said that they had noticed that I always go to the bathroom for a long time after I’ve eaten anything and they can often hear me coughing. 🙄. Honestly Im pretty sure they just made this up so that it didn’t look like my friend had told them. I’ve never even thrown up around them. Also if they were actually worried why didn’t they come to me first and talk to me about it?
I’m honestly just so angry and I don’t know if I can forgive them. I’m not talking to them right now. I think they just wanted to create drama and are jealous and I don’t know if I ever wanna be friends with them again. I also don’t know why they think it’s their place to contact my mum about my body. Anyway if anyone actually read this essay then whats your opinion on the situation? Should I just cut these people out my life?
[Discussion] DAE have a Calorie reward system like this?
/u/-Summerr-
Created: Fri Sep 28 12:06:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jpaq6/dae_have_a_calorie_reward_system_like_this/
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Basically, my Calorie limit is 500 Calories per day. I usually eat 450 Calories, but if I eat under 450, those uneaten Calories add up and I let myself have a treat close to the amount of uneaten Calories at the end of the week. On the other hand, if I eat over 500, those Calories add up, and I have to subtract those extra calories from the next day or days. Just wondering if anyone else does this?
[Discussion] How true is this ugh
/u/PomegranateObsessor
Created: Fri Sep 28 11:53:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jp6x7/how_true_is_this_ugh/
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https://i.redd.it/1oxjjazjp0p11.jpg
I've plateaued at 144.2... for two weeks
/u/chillyilyily
Created: Fri Sep 28 11:48:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jp5ks/ive_plateaued_at_1442_for_two_weeks/
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Suggestions?
I've been restricting to 900-1000 cal a day with moderate exercise for a few months now, and I've had a few binge days with candy and chips that don't push me over 1300cal. I have 10 more pounds until I'm at 18.5 bmi but I just can't get out of 144.2!! Help?
You think YOU'RE cold?? (AKA I'm an asshole)
/u/DinosaursAndStarStuf [5'3.5 | 103.2 | 18.0 | 31F]
Created: Fri Sep 28 11:47:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jp521/you_think_youre_cold_aka_im_an_asshole/
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So it's been a shitshow of a week at work (feel free to creep on my other posts if you're interested in knowing more, I've been complaining A. LOT. lately.)
I'm a weight loss coach, yadda yadda, and we have a member chat page on FB where all our clients can talk to each other. I saw a lady on there complaining about HoW CoLd she was because she had lost some weight so I decided to look her up in the system. She's lost 25lbs which is no small dice (like srsly way to go, that's badass) but she still weighs 190lbs and is in the obese BMI category.
I just had to fuckin laugh about it!! I'm sitting right at an 18.0 BMI right now and goddammit I am freezing every second of every day. Please, laugh along with me, friends, 'cuz I need a fuckin' laugh this week.
(This is in no way a jab at individuals who are overweight/obese, just a jab at this particular ridiculous individual.)
[Rant/Rave] Ranting here because I’m not seeing a professional
/u/A-normal-account
Created: Fri Sep 28 11:40:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jp2w8/ranting_here_because_im_not_seeing_a_professional/
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On Sunday morning I weighed myself and the scale said 99 pounds. Although I know that’s on the unhealthier side for 5’4”, I felt relieved and maybe a smidgen proud of myself because it’s the thinnest I’ve been.
However, I’ve also been somewhat concerned because sometimes I look in the mirror and I’m unnaturally skinny-looking. My limbs are a bit *too* thin and my back is quite bony-looking. But this week I’ve massively overeaten on four separate days. Usually I do a big binge on Saturday or Sunday and then I restrict big-time the rest of the week to hit that calorie deficit. I’ll fast on Monday and Tuesday then eat very little amounts until the weekend.
But because of a change of routine this week, I was overcome with unnecessary anxiety and I fucked it up.
I can’t stop eating. I’m eating 4,000+ calories a day with the exception of Tuesday.
I’m gonna get fat again. And I can’t find it in me to stop and get my shit together yet.
What are your average cal in cal out routine?
/u/mmblarg
Created: Fri Sep 28 11:30:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jozn2/what_are_your_average_cal_in_cal_out_routine/
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First, heads up, my goal is to lose weight and my body is beyond uncooperative, so I selfishly want to compare. But I’m also really curious what everyone’s average day looks like and if you are trying to lose, maintain, or gain.
My average day is 500 cal (I basically live on coffee and slim fast cause least I get some nutrition in the absence of eating and supplements hurt my stomach) Cal out, I work a moderately physical job and ho to college at night so if FitBits are at all accurate i’m burning around 2500 to 3500 cal a day and spend 5-8 hours in a “fat burn” heart rate ( the kick in the pants though i only lost 4 pounds in 20 days, sigh. Thinking about waking up 2 hours earlier and adding some jogging to the routine)
So how about you? What’s a day in your life like?
[Rant/Rave] My body is a traitor
/u/lilmdjd [5’3 | CW: 130 | BMI: 23 | LW: 94| - 17| 23F ]
Created: Fri Sep 28 11:21:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jowur/my_body_is_a_traitor/
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I have lupus, and I’ve had it well managed for many years. I went to the doctor yesterday and she confirmed I am in a flare up. My body hurts. My muscles hurt. I’m tired and I have a fever. I’m angry that I may have to take steroids. Im angry that I have to switch over to injectable medication. I’m angry that my body is retaining weight from the inflammation and swelling and so I don’t know if I’ve lost. And most of all IM ANGRY I CANT WORK OUT. And I’ve tried. But my strength is gone and I’m in so so much pain. I hate this. I hate my body controlling me. I hate being forced to relax. I hate sitting still.
Sorry there was no point to this I’m just upset.
Practising my poker face for when the therapist asks how the ADD meds affect my appetite
/u/Such_fruits_as_these [5'3 | 111 | 20.39 | F]
Created: Fri Sep 28 11:13:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9joujs/practising_my_poker_face_for_when_the_therapist/
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Plz don't take them away 😭😭😭
[Rant/Rave] grandma WHY
/u/gracgrac
Created: Fri Sep 28 11:09:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jot7b/grandma_why/
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I just visited grandma with my mom. At one point me and grandma were alone in her kitchen and she asked me if I had had coffee. I said no so she offered to make some. I was up for that.
Then my mom came, grandma asked her the same thing and mom said she didn't want any. Now, my grandma has a hard time moving around so I felt bad having her waste her energy on one cup of coffee. I told her I wouldn't have coffee either.
But, just like every grandma, no isn't an option. She persists, I say no. Then she offers me cappuccino. I say no. She doesn't listen. She proceeds to put a few spoons of cappuccino powder into a mug, then I watched her put two (2!!!!!) spoons of sugar and then fill it up with regular cow milk. I wanted to cry.
First off, that's so many calories. Had I known this would happen, I would've accepted the coffee.
Secondly, dairy products give me pimples. Like, so many pimples. TMI but I'm already suffering from period-induced pimples, I don't need dairy ones on top of that.
Thankfully, I managed to avoid having any of her biscuits. I still feel bad for having that cappuccino.
[Rant/Rave] I’ve been binging like crazy...
/u/fear0fthemango [172cm| 45kg| 15.2 | 13kg| F]
Created: Fri Sep 28 11:06:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9josb7/ive_been_binging_like_crazy/
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... for about a week now and I can’t stop. I was so close to my UGW as well. I feel so awful, I’ve gained so much. I hate this. I’m so bloated as well and lax doesn’t help because I’m binging constantly. :(((((
[Goal] My size 25 shorts are now loose!
/u/lowfatavocado [5'6.5 | cw 119.5 | BMI 19 | gw 105 | 23F]
Created: Fri Sep 28 10:49:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jomo9/my_size_25_shorts_are_now_loose/
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https://v.redd.it/t181tz73e0p11
[Other] Not weighing myself till...
/u/moonchldx [5'1'' | 114.4 | 21.7 | -11lbs | F | ]
Created: Fri Sep 28 10:41:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jok1q/not_weighing_myself_till/
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Wednesday October 3rd because I’ve been soooo busy!
Feel like I’ve gained a million pounds though....
Hope everyone is doing better than I am!
xx
[Rant/Rave] I feel like I’m being suffocated
/u/delaneyjay
Created: Fri Sep 28 10:26:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jofll/i_feel_like_im_being_suffocated/
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Everything is just too much now. Like nothing in particular but I’m itching to get out of my skin. I wanna run away from everything or just go to sleep for three years. My grades aren’t good which affects my college applications and it’s too late to go back and fix three years of straight Bs, and I’m not on a sports team or a president of an important club or the first person to X. Literally nothing about me is significant.
I don’t have a lot of friends, nobody talks to me, I hate my job, I hate my appearance.
Anyway. I guess I’m just itching to start over. I’m gonna get into a college, maybe not my first or second choice, but I’ll get in and I can get a new beginning. But that’s so far away. I don’t know if I can stand another 7 months of this
[Discussion] Smol vs. Small
/u/thinsponeeded [5'6.5" | 110 | 17.5 | GW: 105 | F | LW: 109]
Created: Fri Sep 28 10:22:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9joe57/smol_vs_small/
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I've started to develop an understanding of the difference between the two, but....I'm still not completely sure. I'm not a teenager anymore, so feel kinda out of it when certain slang is used -- I know I'm hearing it far after it became popular! How would you define the two or explain the differences? Bonus points if you have pic examples to help explain the difference!
​
​
Milk Of Magnesia
/u/elite-alien
Created: Fri Sep 28 10:16:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jocns/milk_of_magnesia/
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Anyone ever use this as a lax? I don't know how much to take and some past experience using this would be great! I don't want to take any lax pills and this seems... Less dangerous.
Roommates making my disordered eating/binging so much worse
/u/bpurly [5'8 | CW: 160 | GW: 145 | UGW: 135 | 19F]
Created: Fri Sep 28 10:06:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jo99w/roommates_making_my_disordered_eatingbinging_so/
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I moved in to a new place with new roommates a couple months ago -- my relationship with eating and food was already bad by then but it's gotten worse because of my roommates. I don't want to sound rude/offensive/fat shaming at all, that isn't the intent of my post in any way. But I'm mentioning it because it's relevant. Two of my roommates are pretty overweight and they have SO MANY snacks and foods around our apartment all the time and they're always snacking at night. They're not only my roommates, they're close friends of mine so I spend a lot of time with them whether that's when we're studying, watching movies, just hanging out etc. And they always bring in food.
Honestly they probably have some type of ED as well from the way they binge almost nightly. But it's so horrible to be around. I think I weigh a good 5 pounds of actual fat more than I would if I didn't live with them and almost every single one of my binges over the past couple months has been when I'm with them. Even when I tell myself I won't eat anything outside my daily calorie limit, and I don't buy any food so that I have nothing to binge on, they always have something laying around and my stupid brain won't let me not eat with them. Ugh. Does anyone else have a similar experience with being triggered by roommates and eating? What did you do to get around it?
[Help] Well apparently I can go to school until I eat my breakfast
/u/hopeless_anon [5'5 | CW: 110 LW: 85 | 17F]
Created: Fri Sep 28 10:02:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jo82p/well_apparently_i_can_go_to_school_until_i_eat_my/
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My mom isn’t even being mean about it which makes me feel even worse. I’m such an assface that I can’t do it. I had some of it but it’s like 500cal.
I think I’m going to kill myself pretty soon.
Newly Diagnosed. [Long post]
/u/Keysandcodes [5' 6" | 192? | 31.11| 0lbs | F]
Created: Fri Sep 28 09:55:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jo63u/newly_diagnosed_long_post/
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So. I have been on this subreddit for quite some time, but it never occurred to me that I have an eating disorder. I know that my relationship with food has never been good, and the way I handle it is unhealthy, but I guess I was in denial.
I have binge eating disorder.
There is no in between for me. Either I eat until way after I feel sick, or, if I'm upset, I won't eat at all.
I hit my lowest weight about 2 years ago. I restricted to about 500cal a day, and quickly dropped down to 125lbs. At 5'6", I thought I looked really good. Even when I binged, it was okay because "omg look at my size 7 curvy figure!!!"
Then I was sent to the psych ward (unrelated) and I was "going to get better". No more not being able to focus because I hadn't had enough to eat, no more being tired all the time. So back to binging I went.
I've gained 80lbs in the last 2 years. And it's only getting worse. Eat because I'm already fat and ugly. Eat because I need to feel full. Eat because I'm home alone and no one can tell me not to. Eat at night because I don't have to hide. I HATE IT. I can't be home because all I do is eat.
I was prescribed Vyvanse, and started taking it today. I hope this will help.
Y'all are too fucking good to each other in this sub. I'm glad to be part of it "officially" (anyone want my ED? You can have it).
TL;DR: fat kid is surprised with an ED diagnosis despite being in this sub for like, a year.
[Discussion] DAE have fantasies?
/u/cherryxnut
Created: Fri Sep 28 09:51:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jo4r9/dae_have_fantasies/
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I’m allergic to mussels. I get horrific vomiting and diarrhoea. I have dreamed about eating them, then bingeing and purging would be so easy. I also dream about weighing my binge food and purging and weighing that too, so I’d know I got everything. I don’t know why I haven’t done these thing. Am I alone in this?
When You Have the Flu
/u/fatamyfitamy [Fatty McFatShit]
Created: Fri Sep 28 09:51:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jo4qy/when_you_have_the_flu/
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I find fasting makes me feel absolutely fucking miserable when I have the flu. I need to put something in my body in order to continue being a functioning human in society, but I don't want to put much.
​
I'm thinking chicken broth, or even a proper chicken soup if I can find one that isn't ridiculous. What else do you all have when you feel like you're dying (but in like, a different way than normal)?
I hate the fact that I can eat so much in one sitting.
/u/magicalpixiedust [Hugh Mungus]
Created: Fri Sep 28 09:44:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jo2ks/i_hate_the_fact_that_i_can_eat_so_much_in_one/
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I can put away so much food. And I’m not saying in that “quirky” way (you know what I’m talking about). I can eat whole cakes, family sizes boxes of cereal, etc. And then I’ll be satisfied. I can’t even eat NORMALLY I feel like I NEED to stuff myself until I feel stuffed to the brim. I really wish I could eat normally :/
[Discussion] Is anyone else just afraid of food?
/u/sparklejumprop3queen
Created: Fri Sep 28 09:40:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jo16w/is_anyone_else_just_afraid_of_food/
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Food terrifies me and I hate it and I just wish I could just live without it, like survive and not have to worry about eating anything. I guess food has just really messed up my life and now everything about it gives me anxiety. Bite sizes, chewing, swallowing. I just really don’t have a good relationship with food at all. But my problem is I have struggled with binge eating for two years (anorexia prior) and I don’t think I’m going to be able to fully recover from bingeing without intuitively eating because I binge because of my depression/anxiety and having extreme hunger and what comes with it will probably just make me give into bingeing because of how used to it my body is.
[Rant/Rave] I can’t believe this just happened.
/u/4gotmyfuckinpassword [172cm | HW: 68kg | CW: 66kg | GW: 56kg | 20F]
Created: Fri Sep 28 09:29:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jnxvn/i_cant_believe_this_just_happened/
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So I know I’m not that skinny. I knew I wasn’t small at all or anything but I didn’t realize I was THAT big. Like I want to cry.
I’m dress shopping for my brothers wedding. Looking through gowns in the store. Looking through the size 2 section and this lady who works there comes up to me and says “those will be too small on you. Shouldn’t you be looking in the size 4? That looks more your size. The size 2 is for small people...”
Like I was shocked. Like what the fuck??? I was so taken aback I said to my sister “guess I’m not eating for a month” which is something I’d NEVER say out loud.
Like holy shit. I was just called fat by a stranger. I never want to eat again. I wasn’t planning on fasting today but I don’t think I’m going to eat anything now. Like oh my god. I want to die.
[Discussion] I wish I could work every single day
/u/AugustusMarius [5'1 | 195 | 36.8 | -25 | M]
Created: Fri Sep 28 09:25:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jnwju/i_wish_i_could_work_every_single_day/
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At work I have my life together. I'm always moving. I feel like I'm making some sort of difference in other people's lives. I work 12 hour shifts. I don't eat, or I eat very little. Sometimes I even wake up at 4 to hit the gym before work. It's a really nice gym, too. I've actually got a side Planet Fitness membership to take away some of my excuses ("work gym too far away on day off, WAAAH")
At home, everything is at a standstill. I binge or order delivery food every day. I was doing so well a couple months ago, but now I'm trash. I need a schedule for days I'm at home, or some type of consistency. I need to get to the gym, clean the place up, get some papers written. I never want to leave the house. I don't get why. Leaving the house for work is never a problem. WHY DO I HAVE 2 LIVES.
I'm praying that today is my last order of delivery for at least a month. I work for the next two days, and that way October 1st is going to be a fresh start. I need to have all areas of my life together, and break this plateau. Please wish me luck.
[Help] Gochujang veggie/chip dip?
/u/Andersoncooperspenis [5'6 | CW:😭 | GW:115 |-29| F]
Created: Fri Sep 28 09:15:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jntme/gochujang_veggiechip_dip/
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I was wondering if anyone had any good ideas on how to create a gochujang dip for veggies or veggie chips and the like?
I’m such a hoe for gochu sos pls help
I’ve tried store bought ssamjang before with veggies but it didn’t taste quite right. Any ideas would be much appreciated!
[Help] What are your must haves?!
/u/ohdarlingyourefucked
Created: Fri Sep 28 09:12:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jnstn/what_are_your_must_haves/
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I need to go to the grocery store. I have the basics like diet soda, sugar free jello, pickles...etc on the list...but what else should I get? I’m on a budget so I want to have a list prepared instead of browsing like I usually do because I end up spending too much that way. What are your must haves?
[Rant/Rave] i will not hesitate,
/u/summerservice [5'2 | ??? | 19F]
Created: Fri Sep 28 09:10:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jns4z/i_will_not_hesitate/
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I had to leave class early the other day because I was on the brink of passing out twice (saved myself by sitting down even though we were supposed to be standing) and the professor gave me attitude about it?? my classmate had to like vouch for me by commenting on how pale my face was.
listen louise, if you want me to faint in the middle of your class I will, but you’re the one who will have to deal with me crying when I come to ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ sincerely a girl who passed out during a class last year and JUST finished paying off the hospital bill for it a month ago lmaoo
[Intro] well, hello everyone. 🐙
/u/xoxArielle [5'7 ✨115 ✨18 ✨who knows ✨23f]
Created: Fri Sep 28 09:08:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jnres/well_hello_everyone/
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hi guys. i've been a reddit lurker for ages and decided to finally make an account. might as well chronicle my time here! some backstory:
i was severely anorexic from the ages of \~12 to 15. it got to the point where we thought i was going to pass away - i think my lowest weight was in the mid-high seventies. it was rough, to say the least. i don't fully remember, but i was definitely eating less than 500 calories/day for a long time.
in high school/college, i recovered fully and gained to a normal weight. i graduated in 2017 and a series of changes/life events pushed me back into my old habits. one such event (cheated on, again, ouch) caused me to stop eating for around a week, completely unintentionally, and then i... sort of became addicted to the thinness it had given me. ever since then, i've been high-restricting to around 1,200/day (and love that subreddit too!).
anyway, i'll be on a 1,200 calorie diet with strength training every weekday, which is new. my hope is that this forum will provide me with safe foods and recipes that i can use to live a normal life (no more low-restricting).
if you've made it this far, thanks for reading! i hope to get to know some of you. 😇
So pissed at myself.
/u/xpetitallegro [5'7" | SW: 170 | CW: 158 | GW: 100 | 26F]
Created: Fri Sep 28 09:06:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jnqwq/so_pissed_at_myself/
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I tried doing the intuitive eating thing. I thought I would try my best to "recover", to stop having this little demon in my head dictating how and when I would eat.
I didn't step on the scale for a week, which is a record in my book. And when I finally did, I gained 6 whopping pounds. Yes, I know some is water weight/fluctuation. But there is nothing that makes your stomach drop as much as seeing your "positive" efforts result in negative results.
You know why it's so damn hard to recover? Because it makes you feel like shit in the process. I don't care how much mindfulness you throw at me or how many DBT skills there are in the book or how zen yoga is supposed to make me feel. I am just addicted to the satisfaction of seeing my weight graph trend down and nothing gives me that same high.
[Tip] My current wallpaper to motivate me to my goal weight and passing my deploma without losing a single mark. Easy to make and keeps me on track. Would advise to anyone on their phone as much as I am.
/u/rattles-snakes
Created: Fri Sep 28 08:55:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jnne7/my_current_wallpaper_to_motivate_me_to_my_goal/
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https://i.redd.it/y07bvo9stzo11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] I feel like a terrible person
/u/meineschatzi [166cm | CW: 78kg | BMI: 28 | GW: 52kg | 26F]
Created: Fri Sep 28 08:40:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jnj37/i_feel_like_a_terrible_person/
---
Down at the pub with my housemate and she gets hit on by two different guys - one was the bartender sending her a free drink to ask if she’s single (she’s not).
It was so upsetting to her because she just wanted to have a nice night with me.
But all I can think is that I’m the ugly fat friend that nobody wants and nobody will ever find me attractive. It was the trigger I needed to restrict again I think. I’m in a day program at the moment but only three days a week. I could not eat for the next four days and there’s nobody holding me accountable.
I just hate myself so much. Why do I have to be so fat and disgusting? Tonight proved to me that I’m repulsive the way I am and that I can’t be this size anymore. But the thought that it’ll take months for me to make any real difference terrifies me. I sometimes just don’t even want to be alive anymore if I have to stay in this body.
[Discussion] DAE feel like the ugliest person in the world?
/u/Brookie696 [5'1"| 105 |20]
Created: Fri Sep 28 08:29:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jnfr9/dae_feel_like_the_ugliest_person_in_the_world/
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No matter what weight, no matter what you wear, every single person is better than you in every way? I feel like not even plastic surgery could even help at this point.
[Intro] Yet another return!
/u/-bluehoney-
Created: Fri Sep 28 07:42:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jn1vd/yet_another_return/
---
Hi friends. I am back.
It’s been so long and I rotate reddit accounts so often that I don’t even remember which account I used to be active with on here for any of y’all to recognize me.
I decided to recover maybe six months ago? It went... badly. I didn’t eat healthily. I just binged. I gained weight. A lot of weight. I am now heavier than when my eating disorder was originally triggered years ago as a pre-teen (trigger weight 179, current weight 181.3). At my lowest I was 145. Usually I was around 155-165, though. I hated myself at that weight, but fuck what I could give to be there now.
I feel so lost and fucked up and disgusting.
I got into a new, great, amazing relationship with a really perfect guy that I am honestly going to marry one day. (He gets the benefits of fasting so like isn’t pushy with my eating disorder and holy fuck I also love him for that).
But his ex enjoys talking shit about how fat and disgusting I am. On like a completely objective level my face is more attractive than hers, and I didn’t think our bodies looked much different from pictures I’ve seen, and now I’m paranoid my dysmorphia is tricking me into believing I’m SMALLER than what I am to cope with ‘recovering’. Because I remember FEELING this size at 160 - that’s why I didn’t immediately notice when I gained weight. Maybe now my brain is working backwards this time?! I can’t fucking trust myself. So I’m also back to weighing myself every day. Yay.
I HAVE to be smaller than her. In one of her rampages at me, she told me her weight. It’s healthy and low. And I have to be at least 10-15 pounds smaller. At least.
I don’t know. All I know is I’m back. I love my eating disorder. I missed the comfort and control of my eating disorder. I feel so good today. I had to eat breakfast because I’m sick and need to take medicine that upsets my stomach - but it was only like ten carrots and maybe two tbs mustard and I’ve been sipping on some hot tea all morning. Wearing a cute outfit, did my makeup and all. I’m ready to go.
[Discussion] is there any reason i cant eat 200g of raw spinach every day
/u/cowboyhatcowboyhat [173cm | CW 53kg | 17.7 | GW 47kg | 17F]
Created: Fri Sep 28 07:36:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jn0fm/is_there_any_reason_i_cant_eat_200g_of_raw/
---
uhm...asking for a friend
[Rant/Rave] I wish my whole body was as skinny as my back and ribs. Everywhere else is fat and gross
/u/pinkribbon007
Created: Fri Sep 28 07:34:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jmzvf/i_wish_my_whole_body_was_as_skinny_as_my_back_and/
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https://i.redd.it/l5c7g4effzo11.jpg
High sodium foods
/u/buenothot [Height 5’3 | CW 200 | BMI ? | Weight Lost 128 lbs | Gender F]
Created: Fri Sep 28 07:29:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jmyby/high_sodium_foods/
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Is anyone here afraid of eating too much salt because it will make you gain water weight? I’ve started limiting my soup/broth intake just because I bloat up like a balloon. I guess diuretics are my friend?
I b/p every chance I get. How will I ever live alone?
/u/just-a-mess [15M | bulimic in quasi recovery | 5'5" | 115.6]
Created: Fri Sep 28 07:23:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jmwy1/i_bp_every_chance_i_get_how_will_i_ever_live_alone/
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i'm 15 and live with my parents. they know about my bulimia and lock the closet that has the majority of the food. every time it's open and i'm pretty much unsupervised, i end up b/p'ing and then lie about to them at my 'nightly check in'. also the last two days, i've been left home alone for a bit and have b/p'ed three times, on fucking peanut butter mixed with sugar.
i'm so fucking pathetic. how am i ever going to live alone without b/p'ing constantly? recovery is so damn impossible. i do b/p less because i stopped restricting, but i've still lost weight due to how much i purge. not much, only a couple pounds, but still. i'm glad i don't have a dietician (got kicked out of the ED program where my last one was and they won't re-accept me until i go to residentel), just a therapist and a psychiatrist, because aforementioned dietician would definitely be concerned with my eating habits.
b/p is my only true source of happiness, except it comes with so much guilt. depression has sucked away everything else that makes my days not-shitty and just... i'm feeling awful.
[Rant/Rave] My relationship with food is ruined. Guess, I won't buy groceries anymore...
/u/Soybeansandsprouts [🍉5'5|109|GW:105🍌]
Created: Fri Sep 28 06:49:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jmnst/my_relationship_with_food_is_ruined_guess_i_wont/
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I'm so sick of myself. Yesterday, I binged on Seaweed, dried apples, and honey which doesn't sound bad, but wtf? The day before it was prunes and flatout bread because I have barely any food in my house. Why couldn't I just have gone to sleep instead of eating everything I could get my hands on? I've don't keep binge foods in the house, but since I have nothing to pack for lunch or dinner on campus I end up spending money on a 7 dollar sandwich feeling guilty af.
I'm just going to stop buying groceries for a while until there's nothing left and leave my wallet at home because I'm tired of binging and tired of spending so much money on food. I've been stuck at 109-110 for 2 months because the binge-restrict keeps me at maintenance. I just want some control over one thing in my anxiety-ridden life. My parents are coming to visit me next weekend and I don't want them to see how much my life has fallen in to disarray, but they already know I've been struggling for a year.
My relationship with food is so fucked that I can't enjoy my favorite foods like a normal human being. It's binge or restrict, no in between.
I just took a laxative for no reason. On accident.
/u/LeOssa
Created: Fri Sep 28 06:45:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jmmuv/i_just_took_a_laxative_for_no_reason_on_accident/
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We all love a good poop post, right?
So I'm not a lax abuser these days but found myself sick of having not pooped for a week so, there I was: in my kitchen post work out, I loaded up some magnesium in a measuring cup, began pouring it into my mouth and quickly swallowed, when in that **instant** the immediate urge to poop washes over me.
Essentially, I am now going to shit my brains out for absolutely no reason.
Wonderful.
Not like I've got three kids to stay off the toilet for.
Thanks body. You bitch.
[Rant/Rave] my FREAKING ROOMMATE ate MY SAFE FOODS
/u/itsaani [5'2 | 66kg | 24.5 | 4kg | Female]
Created: Fri Sep 28 06:37:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jml0e/my_freaking_roommate_ate_my_safe_foods/
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all of the foods in the house; potatoes, bread (you have 3 LOAFS OF BREAD IN THE FRIDGE YOU MORON), ramen, oatmeal, chips, idk fkn crackers, and you EAT MY FREAKING RICE THAT I HAD COOKED THE DAY BEFORE SO THAT I COULD EAT IT ASAP INCASE I WAS FEELING REALLY DIZZY YOU IDIOT
i hate my roommate
[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! September 28, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Sep 28 06:12:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jmf0a/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread/
---
This is the weekly picture thread for September 28, 2018.
Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!
1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**
2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*
3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.
4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD
**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**
*****
Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
Daily Food Diary! September 28, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Sep 28 06:12:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jmeyo/daily_food_diary_september_28_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for September 28, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Rant/Rave] Fuckity fuck fuck
/u/NoZiffy
Created: Fri Sep 28 06:06:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jmdpa/fuckity_fuck_fuck/
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I’m at my highest weight ever and I can’t see the point in even trying
I’m also broke as fuck. Why am I like this
Inaccurate scale readings
/u/vladadoll
Created: Fri Sep 28 05:36:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jm72u/inaccurate_scale_readings/
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I weigh myself in kg and convert to st/lbs to log on MFP (it's a habit), but my boyfriend had changed the scale setting to st/lbs and my reading on that setting is 5lbs more than in kg. I'm horrified. I don't know what to believe and I'm so, so scared it's the heavier one. I weighed myself on the different settings 20+ times but there is still disparity. I've been crying for hours.
Does anyone have a preferred scale? I need a new one and I need it to be accurate for my sanity.
Some basic restriction harm reduction. What, When, Why, and How to mitigate.
/u/xerox13ster [5'7" | 243.6 | Goal: 225 | 36.6 | -81 | F]
Created: Fri Sep 28 05:06:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jm0s9/some_basic_restriction_harm_reduction_what_when/
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So this is the furthest I've ever been into restriction, I'm going on almost a month of eating less than 800 cal most days, never going over maintenance. Prior to this I've had shortened periods of heavier restriction and fasting, but interspersed with binges and days over maintenance in general.
I'm fairly certain this is a result of my adhd meds, which I started a month ago. It's more than that though, a friend and I recently decided to be ana buddies (I know, I know) so there's absolutely a mental component in that I'm terrified to eat, period, and generally consider it a failure if I eat more than 500 (1000/day is our allowance). Fair to say I don't see this letting up any time soon.
So
I know the body starts falling apart without nourishment, but I don't know what actually happens and when and so on (title). I'm still on the larger side
I know hair starts thinning (after 3 months?), but at what level of restriction? Can it be mitigated by biotin/protein/supplements?
Other things I know *of*, but not enough about:
***
Amenorrhea (unfortunately not applicable to me, but to others reading this)
Heart problems
Tooth decay
Dizzy/fainting
Anemia
****
How long does it take these things to show up, are they tied to weight or intake and what's the threshold, what causes them, and how can they be mitigated if at all?
If there are other things I don't know about or may not be common knowledge, please share them as well as their onset triggers.
Safe foods
/u/Phasianida
Created: Fri Sep 28 04:33:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jlua5/safe_foods/
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I am new here and, though I know this topic has no doubt been discussed before, I would like to know everyone’s favourite safe foods so I can hopefully pick some up for myself
[Rant/Rave] Frustrated
/u/_Pulltab_ [5'7"| CW 160| 25.1| WL 37 | F]
Created: Fri Sep 28 03:56:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jln3n/frustrated/
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Despite the fact that I’m still restricting quite a bit and have upped my exercise significantly, my weight loss has slowed down a lot. This month I only lost half the weight I did the last couple of months and before that I was losing almost three times as much. Despite all the logical reasons I know this to be reasonable, and the fact that I know I’m still losing, even if more slowly, it’s putting me in an emotionally terrible place. On top of everything else I’m dealing with in my life it’s causing me to get really dark.
I’m just putting this out there because I don’t have anyone to talk to about this.
told my boss I was doing better lately cause I’ve been eating
/u/Catii24 [5'4" | CW: 128.8 | GW: 108 | Female]
Created: Fri Sep 28 03:16:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jlfr6/told_my_boss_i_was_doing_better_lately_cause_ive/
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didn’t mention that I’ve purged twice a day for eight days straight now 🙃
[Rant/Rave] My perfect friend with a perfect life got an interview for my dream job
/u/sealcat92
Created: Fri Sep 28 02:14:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jl4w9/my_perfect_friend_with_a_perfect_life_got_an/
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im so sad. im better qualified but my fucking insecurities came out and I told myself I wasn’t good enough to even try. she only talked to them at career fair today only because she heard me rave about how great the company is and now she has an interview with them tomorrow. I missed my chance because im a senior in college and this is the last time they’re coming to campus. I didn’t know finding jobs would be this hard. :(
When a 900 calorie day feels like a binge
/u/whydiepizzapie
Created: Fri Sep 28 01:33:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jkxue/when_a_900_calorie_day_feels_like_a_binge/
---
My life is an absurd charade at this point. I've lost 30lbs in like just about 2 months. I've spiralled to a point that doesn't event feel real anymore.
Tonight I went to a very fancy bar with friends, planned ahead and committed to enjoying it. I had 3 drinks (2 fancy cocktails, 1 vodka soda) and because of the alcohol I ate a cucumber salad and some fries. I think I maybe had like 900 calories today to round up. Including exercise I probably netted around 700. As soon as I got home I tried purging because you know, who needs to have a healthy relationship with food??? I've been sub 300 calories all week this feels like such a failure.
Logically in my mind in know that isn't alot and that it won't cause real weight gain. But emotionally I feel like it's the end of the world. This disease has stripped everything from me and I have no idea how to cope. I'm so scared and somehow want it to stop and to keep happening and idk what to do with that balance.
[Intro] Short time lurker, first time poster
/u/AcceptableOccasion
Created: Fri Sep 28 01:24:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jkw3u/short_time_lurker_first_time_poster/
---
So I started lurking here a little while ago, obviously curious about my own eating habits, but never posted here before. And to be honest today was the first day when I actually entered into a thread to read about it. I was too in denial to "commit".
Is this subreddit simply about not feeling ashamed about your diet or your weight because you're just doing what you need to do to get through life in the best way that suits you?
\--\[ I put an Intro flair on this to show that I come here with an open & ignorant mind. One that is happy to discuss & understand different viewpoints. Not a "I'm here and your version of an ED is wrong compared to mine." post.\]--
There's some people who need to do extreme sports to be themselves. There's some that need to not eat pork.
And then there's some people that need to eat the 'right' amount because they need to be as big as they can (muscle or fat - take your pick, there's people that like either) or as little as they can so they can be as thin as they can.. And there's billions of variations in between.
The problem isn't what any one person decides to do to their own bodies, the problem is when it gets out of control and causes issues that are detrimental to the self.
So if you're the type of person that feels the need to eat junk food on Sunday as your "cheat day" because you're trying to lose a little bit of weight, or you need to eat virtually everything in sight to fuel your next weights session... Go for it, you be you.
If someone says what you're doing is wrong, it's for probably 2 reasons.
1. It's unhealthy
2. They're an asshole, insecure in their own body & minds and not comfortable with someone else doing something different to themselves.
So I should stop beating myself up over my all day couch session, stoned & eating junk food & watching youtube. Remembering how last week I cycled to work every day but ruined it all today. And I should start thinking, you're cycling so that you can DO all of those things! Good for you, for understanding where the balance in your life is and making it work for you. You've never been happier, and you've got family friends & coworkers that like you. So what's the big deal?
Unless it actually starts to mess me up, I don't have a "disorder" because I'm actually quite OK. Just that my habits are different than some others. Just like theirs are different to mine. I don't judge them, so they shouldn't judge me.
And if they do, they're #2.
And if they do, they're possibly just #1 and need to find a better way to communicate that to me & snap me out of it.
It's your own personal journey to work out where you are, and where the ones telling you it's wrong fit into the picture. Perhaps they are assholes. Perhaps they're just bad at communicating and the insult is coming from your mind. And perhaps you're just fine.
Am I absolutely completely off the mark? If I am, just tell me & I'll delete before the post gets out of hand & can talk about it in DM.
Please be mindful of kids.
/u/sappythrowaway85984
Created: Fri Sep 28 00:57:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jkr1g/please_be_mindful_of_kids/
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Very young kids and teenagers alike notice a lot more than you think. If their mom is skipping meals or disappearing afterwards to purge, they notice. If their teacher only eats diet yogurt and celery sticks every day at lunch time, they notice. If you dodge their questions and lie to them to “normalize” deadly behaviors like restricting and purging, you are doing them a disservice.
Little kids and big kids alike all notice, and many will mimic the behaviors they see. Be careful what you demonstrate to kids, they’re looking up to you as an example.
[Rant/Rave] i know i like... just posted here... but
/u/smolbeanbaby [5'2 | 132 | 24.1 | 34 | F]
Created: Fri Sep 28 00:47:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jkp64/i_know_i_like_just_posted_here_but/
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i’m really high right now and my friends aren’t responding and my boy is working. but omg i love him so much. i felt so good about my body today and he just tells me i’m beautiful whenever he feels like it and he looked me in the eyes today and was like “you’re the most beautiful thing on this planet” and i just loved him and myself so so so much in that moment. i felt okay in my stomach being out bc i just ate, my thighs didn’t feel annoying, my arms didn’t bother me. i just hugged him and i love him so fucking much. there were these boys making me uncomfortable af because one of them had been trying to hit me up so they started talking about me really loudly, so my boy came out from the kitchen when he went on a break, grabbed my hand and took me out to the park and we just cuddled. it was so nice and the boys left me alone after. i love him so much omg. i know this isn’t super ed related but aaaaa i just needed to talk about him
[Help] he destroyed me and i can't let go
/u/deadgirlaesthetic
Created: Fri Sep 28 00:44:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jkons/he_destroyed_me_and_i_cant_let_go/
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hi this is gonna be long and stupid and completely irrational. i'm fully aware these warped thoughts are a product of my mentally ill brain.
9 months later and he is still giving me mental breakdowns. he was the only person i ever trusted. the only person i ever opened up to and trusted and believed fully and completely, with no doubts, loved me. i knew he loved me. he was the only person i believed when they told me they loved me because i knew it in my heart. he was my best friend. the only stability i had. he was the only thing i cared about, the one keeping my head above water when i felt like i was drowning. i know he loved me and i watched him become a completely different person right before my fucking eyes i hate myself it was my fault. he knew how bad i was and he turned and did the worst possible thing he could have done to me. i suffered indefinitely because of his selfishness. i watched him deteriorate. he completely fucking destroyed me along with himself and i want to resent him so bad for ruining so much for me but i just can't, i just love him and i cant fucking stop, he gave me panic attacks. he made me hate myself. all i can think of is december and january, sobbing in my moms bed begging god not to take him from me, i couldnt handle losing him. he was the only thing i had. the only one i ever loved, the only one i even cared for. i remember drunk crying to her again. throwing my guts up because of him. and my stomach still twists just thinking about it now. how cold it was. how dark the living room was, crying my eyes out to her, asking why, why why why, my father was taken from me, my brother was taken from me, my sister, and now him. he became a sociopath. i blame myself. i taught him how to be horrible. im not innocent in this. and i have asked every question. i have tried every exercise. i have sought out closure over and over but nothing fucking works. theres no making sense of this tragedy. i dont know what i want. i want to hate him. i want to see his life fall apart and watch him suffer for everything he put me through. but then i want him to come back. i want the person he was before. the person that shuddered at the thought of losing me, i miss our jokes, the nights we spent together, all the things we went through and all the things he said and what we shared and how he loved me it just doesnt fucking make sense. i cant believe this happened, he was the only person i imagined remaining in my life forever. the only person i could never lose. god how i fucking loved him. how i still do. i watched my brother go through this. i watched him suffer a loss so earth shattering that he completely shut off and not feel anything. and he is incapable of loving me. he begs me not to hate him for it. of course i can't hate him, i love him so much and i don't want to. he can't love me. he's incapable.
ive found that this is the reason i do this to myself. im trying to make sense of it. why he did this. why couldn't he love me. he told me constantly it was because he was incapable of feeling it. his body wouldn't let him love. he couldn't love anything after what happened. i remember saying to him in tears when it happened, "why couldn't you love me" and his response, "I did." why did he turn into a monster. ive torn apart my insides, my mentality. the person i am. ive changed because of this. there is nothing left but the outside. my sick brain thinks that maybe if i am thinner, if i am tanner, if i am blonder, if i don't eat, if i purge, if the outside is beautiful, i can make him love me. if i am beautiful, i can be loved.
​
or maybe it's my sick way of validating my pain.
​
i know i sound like an idiot. i know i make no sense. i know i'm an idiot. i'm not going to eat tonight. i'm not going to eat tomorrow. i hope i wither away and die from this disorder
[Other] reasons to hate what you're craving
/u/goneralphio
Created: Fri Sep 28 00:33:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jkmld/reasons_to_hate_what_youre_craving/
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https://contrave.com/hate-your-cravings/#Home
[Discussion] 2 week weight loss/gain?
/u/problemproblem420 [5'6'' | 117 | 18.9 | 19F]
Created: Fri Sep 28 00:04:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jkgzo/2_week_weight_lossgain/
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what is the most drastic 2 week weight loss or gain you've experienced? taking into account measurements/physical appearance, not just water weight
How can I lose but not lose muscle mass?
/u/TotallyNotARadar [6'1" | CW: 113 | BMI: 14.23 | F (MtF, Pre-HRT)]
Created: Thu Sep 27 23:07:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jk5ux/how_can_i_lose_but_not_lose_muscle_mass/
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I’m already like pretty much no muscle but like this is getting inconvenient now. If my Fitbit and Apple Watch don’t lie (2560 or 2331) and my logging (1652) I’m pulling an okay/small deficit. This seems to be true, seeing as I’m correctly losing.
The problem, however, is that I’m losing in the wrong places. I want to drop fat on my chest and stomach and all that but instead it seems as if what little remains of my arm muscles is evaporating. Like I had to move a bed yesterday and holy shit it was harder than I thought. My school bag feels heavier despite having less in it.
This is a bigger problem for me because I play competitive sports which involve throwing and catching and smacking out at things fast and I seem to be getting worse and worse at these things.
Tips? I know there are limits to what I can control over my biology but surely there’s something right?
Well, I reached out and told someone about my ed
/u/im-nobody-too [CW: 109 lbs| GW: Maintain don't gain|26f]
Created: Thu Sep 27 22:45:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jk12m/well_i_reached_out_and_told_someone_about_my_ed/
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I had a panic attack today at work and ended up confiding in a co-worker that I used to have anorexia and that I still struggle sometimes. Even admitted that my current 'healthy' weight makes it hard for me to reach out when I'm having issues.
I'm regretting that I was so honest because I know she's going to be watching now, and I'm not planning on eating more. I was just feeling so alone and in the moment I wanted to let someone in.
Don't know what's going to happen now
Can finally restrict again after ~6 years, Vyvanse, and a bit of intuitive eating
/u/k473anderson
Created: Thu Sep 27 22:34:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jjym6/can_finally_restrict_again_after_6_years_vyvanse/
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First post, I'll try not to have too many feelings.
Brief life story: mild high school ED/restriction was basically a hobby I managed to maintain due to lack of stess. College was terrible and I gained a bunch of weight, lost it once, and then gained it back. Haven't been able to lose it all again (now 4 years out of college), have basically been clawing it off pound by pound over 4 years. And I've only lost 35 lb. OVER 4 YEARS. It's bananas.
I feel like my whole (okay maybe only 60%) mental health pursuit since the age of 18 has been about managing my stress and increasing my happiness so I'm less likely to binge. I got to a place where I was ridiculously happy but couldn't maintain a significant calorie deficit (nothing big folks, like 300 cals/day restriction, that's *it*) to save my life. I felt doomed to never lose the weight again and terrified about possibly gaining any because I'd never lose it either.
Then my ADHD was diagnosed and got on Vyvanse....there was an adjustment period, but now gradual weight loss feels entirely possible and like it won't make me crazy.
I hate that this medication seems to solve the fucking problem I've had for a decade. COULD HAVE SAVED SO MUCH TIME, UGH.
Also PS: anyone else intentionally cycle their calorie budget with their period? I've been doing that for 2 months and it has been amazing for calorie morale. Basically trying to incorporate my intuitive hunger patterns into my restriction.
[Discussion] Anybody else unable to eat red meat?
/u/mckatli
Created: Thu Sep 27 22:20:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jjvmy/anybody_else_unable_to_eat_red_meat/
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A year ago, I went to a nutritionist to figure out why my stomach hurt all the time. Turns out my malnourished ass can't break down complex proteins (like those found in red meat, whey, etc). I stopped eating red meat and immediately felt better but a year later I gotta say, I really fucking miss it. Turkey burgers just aren't the same as real ones. I one day will hopefully be able to eat red meat again but that would involve me putting on about 10 - 15 pounds.
Anyone else lusting after forbidden burgers?
[Goal] Screwed up goals
/u/ihate-chicken [5’7” | CW:116 | 18.1 |]
Created: Thu Sep 27 22:16:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jjusa/screwed_up_goals/
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I’m presenting in about a month in my psych class on anorexia and I feel like I have to lose a shit ton of weight so that people “trust” me when I talk about the topic. Even though I’m not supposed to relate it to me... it’s just supposed to be a factual presentation... I feel like people won’t believe the information I give them if I’m standing up there all fat and everything??
Why is this disease so ridiculous!!
[Discussion] DAE get heart palpitations after eating??
/u/ryanhennessy91
Created: Thu Sep 27 22:11:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jjtf1/dae_get_heart_palpitations_after_eating/
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I’ve just had a normal meal of spinach curry and 2 slices of low carb bread. Overall about 600 calories. I’ve just been restricting for the last 4 days with only about 50 cals a day.
After eating my dizziness is worse than ever and my heart is racing.
Is this normal??
Sobriety.
/u/bitchwhoreofastorm [163cm | too high | female]
Created: Thu Sep 27 21:45:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jjn9g/sobriety/
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I stopped drinking because I used to binge-drink a bottle of wine a night three times a week and my organs were hurting. I thought it would make me more productive, more focused, able to concentrate on uni work.
Instead it triggered a relapse into the eating disorder I had when I was 18. I'm less productive than I was because I can't concentrate and spend all my time trying to decide if I should eat something. I thought I'd waste less money when I wasn't buying alcohol but now I spend all my money on energy drinks and low-cal food and like, fucking halo top or whatever. It doesn't feel like anything's improved.
I'm not struggling with sobriety, I feel no urge to drink whatsoever, actually the thought of it makes me feel nauseous. But I have no idea if this is better or worse, an improvement or just a new way to hurt myself. I wish I could just go make myself buy the fucking sandwich I've been thinking about all day. I wish I could see myself normally in the mirror again. I wish I didn't feel so crazy right now.
I never want to drink again. I just wish quitting hadn't cause... this.
[Rant/Rave] My next fun diet
/u/InTheGecko [172cm (5'6) | 61.5kg (135lbs) | BMI: 20.6 | -12.5kg | F | 23yo]
Created: Thu Sep 27 21:38:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jjlnu/my_next_fun_diet/
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You might remember me from a few days ago, I posted about how I'm only eating food I'm given or manage to steal from work and hooo boy fun surprise, I've gained three kilos.
So now I'm not allowed to eat at all, but I can get calories from alcohol. Can't wait to update you in a few days when I'm four tequila shots in on a days-empty stomach lmao
How the fuck does the stupidly thin girl in my sharehouse manage to eat and get drunk every night at the same time, shit's impossible. I've been watching her and I don't think she even has an eating disorder. God it makes me feel so hopeless to know that she's thinner than me without even trying
[Rant/Rave] today was bad, but you know what?
/u/duskedfur [5'7" | CW: 102 | 15.9 | UGW: 100 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 27 21:33:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jjkcz/today_was_bad_but_you_know_what/
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i’m not letting that get in my way. i’ve been at 500 or under since monday, binged a bit today. i ate some of a snack size pack of fritos and ate 380 calories worth of pop tarts before noon for some fucking reason and couldn’t bear the guilt (took an important medication, couldn’t risk purging then) so i left class early to walk about 11,000 steps. fasted til 6 pm when i got a small bowl of pho tai w/ 2 spring rolls, felt too full so i purged most of that, then hung out with a friend and ate some dry cereal and a chocolate covered berry which triggered a mini-binge of 250 calories of rice krispies treats, 60 calories of marshmallows, a 180 calorie quest bar, and a 100 calorie granola bar. i purged most of the marshmallows i think but i’m not sure i got anything else up but i’m determines to fast til 8 am on saturday and get in 11,000 more steps tomorrow to make up for today. i’m so fucking close to my UGW. i can do this. one bad day won’t kill me.
Calorie counting logic
/u/LumosErin [5'5.5" | 124.6 lbs| GW: 120 lbs| UGW: 115 lbs | 20F]
Created: Thu Sep 27 20:49:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jj9rd/calorie_counting_logic/
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So I've been puzzling over this. Today at dinner I wanted to try this penne pasta salad. It was 130 calories for 1/2 a cup, which I carefully measured. However, after eating like three or four noodles I had to stop because it wasn't as good as I thought.
​
So I added on some calories, but seeing as I didn't eat the full 1/2 cup, maybe like 1/4 or even less than that, how the heck do I log it? Divide 130 by 1/8?
​
I'm having cheese pizza tomorrow for my designated cheat day and the pizza is about 700 calories (this is just a guestimation, as the pepperoni pizza is 740-790 calories. The red sauce is 20, cheese is 180, and the pepperoni is 200 so I figure that the pizza dough is 500-ish?) , cut into eight slices I think. So if I have three slices of pizza, do I divide 700 by 3/8?
​
ED math. Love to hate it.
[Help] Need a calorie experts advice pls!
/u/beezythegiraffe
Created: Thu Sep 27 20:31:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jj580/need_a_calorie_experts_advice_pls/
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Hey everyone ! So I just have a quick question. I recently started a job as a package handler, and I can't find any reliable info on how many calories I'm burning every shift! (Every source is giving me different info, from 500 cal to 2000 and its giving me serious anxiety).
Basically, I stack boxes up to 8 ft high in semi trucks for 6 hours a day. I stack approximately 200 packages an hour. I lift them off a conveyor belt and then move them to the stack. The boxes weigh anywhere from 10 lbs to 150 lbs. It's very repetitive and I'm trying really hard to use my whole body for it. Anyone have any idea how many calories I'm burning? (Also someone want to explain why, despite cutting my intake to 700 kcal a day, I've gained weight after starting this 3 weeks ago?!?!? While keeping up with my daily gym routine??)
Thanks lovely people!!
Me when I eat food out of trash as if I wasn't going dig it back up
/u/coconutfi [5'9" | 17.1 | 21F]
Created: Thu Sep 27 20:27:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jj4fq/me_when_i_eat_food_out_of_trash_as_if_i_wasnt/
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https://i.redd.it/leid85ee4wo11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] Your average PMS binge post.
/u/edthrowaway12121
Created: Thu Sep 27 20:18:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jj23v/your_average_pms_binge_post/
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Just ranting about my PMS binging. It’s exactly 2 days before my scheduled period and for the last 5 days I’ve been binging NON STOP. And when I say binging, I don’t just mean going over my TDEE by a couple hundred calories .. I mean being a legitimate bottomless pit. A giant wawa sub, 770 cals. 800 cals of Reese’s pieces. 300 cals for one of those stupid cereal bars. And finally, probably 900 or so for a massive Thai noodle dish ordered out which I reluctantly made my dad eat half of so I didn’t get the full 1400 or whatever.
I’ve been biting my nails and rocking back and forth debating whether I should go get a “dessert” or not... it’s been this bad, nearly identically, for THE PAST FIVE FREAKING DAYS. I’ve spent over $100 on food deliveries alone! Oh my god.
Does anyone know of any supplements or general appetite represents besides coffee? This entire week sets me back my whole month and it’s so shitty.
[Other] Ate under maintenance!!
/u/stalin-the-stripper [5’6” | 135lbs | 21.5 | 37lbs | F]
Created: Thu Sep 27 20:17:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jj22a/ate_under_maintenance/
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First day binge-free, I know maintenance is still a lot but it feels nice to sort of be in control again. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll shave another couple hundred calories off. Thank you guys for the support last night :)
[Discussion] Anyone else kinda depressed ‘for no reason’?
/u/cokezero-vanilla
Created: Thu Sep 27 20:17:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jj20d/anyone_else_kinda_depressed_for_no_reason/
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So basically my life is fine, i have a nice group of friends, im close with my family, have an ok job etc. But still feel unhappy most of the time for no particular reason and it makes me feel extremely guilty, because theres many people who actually have a reason to be depressed but im just sitting here unhappy as shit while my life is pretty good (besides my ED, lol). I really just want to play videogames and be alone (with my dogs aswell ofcourse) all the time. I dont really feel like i ‘care’ about anyone or anything (again, besides my ED and losing weight). Im very obsessed with losing weight and counting calories though. Just feel kinda blank if that makes sense. Everything seems boring and dull.
I tried therapy but it didn’t help and i dont wanna go on medication. Just wondering if anyone else feels the same way? I dont really have people around me who get it so that sucks.
Death
/u/literaltent
Created: Thu Sep 27 19:58:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jix98/death/
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On the brink of relapsing, but trying to stick it out because I’m breastfeeding (8 months postpartum, wanting to nurse for a year)
Tried to take nudes in preparation for some sexy time and guess what!!! I hate every inch of my body!!!! Surprise!!!! So that settles it!!! No more food for me!!!! Yay!!!!
does anyone else get triggered by stuff like this?
/u/gogurt1
Created: Thu Sep 27 19:51:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jivnx/does_anyone_else_get_triggered_by_stuff_like_this/
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from march-june of this year, i was doing SO well...i was restricting, working out everyday, got to my lowest weight. then i binged once in june and got in a downward spiral of binging and with moving away to college and all the stress it kept going. i gained around 20 pounds since june 15. i feel awful. a friend of mine had mentioned that back in june, at a family party i went to with her, her sister thought something was wrong with me because i had gotten so thin, and my “shoulder was sticking out of my body”. i remember back in may ALL my coworkers said i was “too skinny”, my mom told me i needed to stop losing weight...i miss it. i guess my friends disclosure or whatever really triggered something in me. i am DETERMINED to get back to that weight, preferably even lower. no more binging. i am so sick of this. i am mad at myself for gaining so much weight, but i KNOW i can lose it again. nothing will stop me. i guess this is kinda a vent/rant/holding myself accountable more than anything but i’m wondering if anyone relates (or wants to be accountability buddies causeeee i could rly use that lol)
My ed vs mom: who will win?
/u/hopeless_anon [5'5 | CW: 110 LW: 85 | 17F]
Created: Thu Sep 27 19:50:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jivc5/my_ed_vs_mom_who_will_win/
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Ed obviously....
My doctor told me I have to drink 3 boost per day... that’s 750 extra calories of chocolate milkshake. One in addition to every meal. I can say a few things for certain:
1. My mom is going to be all up on my case
2. No fucking way.
If residential couldn’t get me to drink 1 per day I’m sure as hell not drinking 3.
Yeet yeet time to ruin my relationship with the only person who loves me 😬
Send help
[Discussion] dae feel so glad when they vomit when drunk ??
/u/arabella_05 [F | 5ft11 | bmi 25 | GW skinny legend]
Created: Thu Sep 27 19:43:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jitbj/dae_feel_so_glad_when_they_vomit_when_drunk/
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lmao so I'm so super drunk rn and I feel like my ed is not real but I just drank soooooo much vodka tonight and I vomited as soon as I got home and my first thought was "omg all those 'empty' calories are out thank god" and that made me realise I am definitely not ina healthy mindset lol it's almost like spontaneous purging makes me so happy it's actually stupid !!! pls tell me I'm not alone
[Discussion] When people ask me how I lost so much weight
/u/EyeOfSisyphus [5'4 | CW 128.7 | -20.3 | F | GW 105]
Created: Thu Sep 27 19:36:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jirs4/when_people_ask_me_how_i_lost_so_much_weight/
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It's something that's been happening recently a lot, since I just got my uniform skirt fixed to fit my "new" body (-20 lbs) and I got this bunch of girls asking me what in God's green earth I did to lose 20 lbs in less than 2 months.
I just tell them "Oh, I dunno. Just happened I guess" but my friend jumps in and says "she's gone full on anorexic dude".
It's honestly so motivating. People acknowledging and praising my weight loss and also pointing out how little I eat. But I also feel kinda bad about it, because I feel like I shouldn't be happy people think (more like know) I have an ED.
What about you guys?
[Rant/Rave] i thought i was okay but HELOOOOO IT MEEE YA BOI (trigger warning: self harm; sexual assault)
/u/painxiety [5'5" | Water-Weight Princess | 23 F]
Created: Thu Sep 27 19:31:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jiqc8/i_thought_i_was_okay_but_helooooo_it_meee_ya_boi/
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i have been in a "recovery" mindset (still hated the way i looked but allowed myself the food i needed) for about 2 months. i managed to quit smoking (2.5 weeks cig free!) and have earned a 4.0 in my first term of my doctorate. so many good things happening, right?
​
and yet, at a club last friday, a man grabbed me and kissed me out of NOWHERE. it was not welcome. i was drunk and high and he pulled me in so fast that my hair was in the way and i hated it. i hated it. i didn't want it.
not to go too much into my history, but i was abused at 13 and again for a 2 year span from 19-20. i have not been able to date ever since. i havent kissed anyone ever since.
and that.... scumbag.... kissing me.... i didnt want it.... he just grabbed me and did it.... has sent me into a spiral. i skipped school all week. i havent studied. ive done nothing but lay on the couch and sleep. i cant eat. food has no appeal. i've cut. EVERYWHERE. i bled so much the other night. i was drunk when i was cutting and made stupid choices so some of them are difficult to hide. i haven't been so low in so long. all because of a kiss. why do i feel like i was raped again when it was only a kiss?
​
i've dropped more than 6 pounds since last friday. i cant stomach anything but alcohol to numb it out. and i can feel myself coming out of the depressive episode with the satisfaction of losing weight. i know that i will fall so far deeply into relapse in order to distract myself from depression that I may never come back. so here i am. you all have been so supportive with mental illness and i love this community so much for it. i dont want to restrict, but at this moment in time, restriction is the only distraction i have from ending it all. i hope you're all having a calm night. sorry for my rant. i do see a therapist and she knows what is going on with me currently, but obviously she is a human being and not available for my ramblings every second of the day.
Sliding into skinny jeans like
/u/dorisholliday
Created: Thu Sep 27 19:15:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jimhf/sliding_into_skinny_jeans_like/
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I feel really weird. I haven't worked out regularly in a few months because of two injuries I acquired over the summer. Before that I worked out 5-6 days a week. I've actually lost more weight since I stopped working out. I know it's muscle I'm losing, but guys, the number on the scale, ya know? Yesterday I put on a couple pairs of skinny jeans for the first time this fall and I fucking slid right into them. I was pretty small the last time they fit like this. I just can't see how it's real. I look like hell. I really love working out and was so looking forward to getting back at it regularly now that I'm finally healed up, but... fuck, maybe I don't? I can't wrap my head around these jeans vs how I look in the mirror. Haven't weighed myself in almost three weeks but I'm fairly confident I'm at least 6 pounds heavier than I was last time they fit like this. I know I need to work out for my sanity but I like this number. Life is weird. The end.
[Rant/Rave] why i hate living in Asia
/u/zeneith [5'7 | CW 147.7 | BMI 22.6 | SW 211.6| UGW 110]
Created: Thu Sep 27 19:03:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jijak/why_i_hate_living_in_asia/
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no such thing as quest cookies, halo top & white monsters. nothing is safe :( at least you can buy shirataki noodles i guess ha
[Rant/Rave] WHY DO I SPEND SO MUCH MONEY
/u/Yoni1660
Created: Thu Sep 27 18:58:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jihzh/why_do_i_spend_so_much_money/
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I keep buying food I’ll never eat. I spent almost $100 today on food and some house stuff. I have a ridiculous amount of food at home. Why am I like this. I don’t even binge.
[Discussion] What foods do you buy online?
/u/xxxanon1117 [5'7.5"| 105.4 | 16.3 | -123.1|FTM]
Created: Thu Sep 27 18:54:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jigz0/what_foods_do_you_buy_online/
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I live in the middle of nowhere. The closest actual health food store is over an hour away (and I have agoraphobia) so I do what I can with what is around me, but I have been looking into online grocery shopping more often. Does anyone get safe foods shipped to them from Amazon or other stores? I'm looking into Prime Pantry but wonder about other options.
[Help] "what did you eat before class today?"
/u/band-aide [5'5.5 | CW: 125 | BMI: 20 | F/19]
Created: Thu Sep 27 18:43:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jie5v/what_did_you_eat_before_class_today/
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there's this girl in my microbio class who is sorta nice but also kinda weird. like every single time we talk she brings up food and i get nervous talking about food with... normal people lmao? she keeps talking about what she eats and what is healthy and i guess because i told her i want to become an RD maybe that's why she keeps asking? it gets on my nerves because i hate feeling interrogated about food/weight stuff. at the beginning of class she sat down next to me and said "what did you eat before class today?" like WTF stop! i got so nervous and uncomfortable and my ability to act normal just flipped off so i got all tense and grimaced and i said "uhh um well i-i don't feel comfortable talking about it?!" and she was so confused and was like what do you mean and so i just stuttered "i-i-i have ibs and what i ate earlier just caused an ibs attack its u-um really uncomfortable for me you know" and she was like oh. alright.
​
does anybody else have people in their lives who freak them out about stuff like this? i'm like what are u onto me or something because girl i'm still fat af there's no way she would be able to tell because she only sees me in class like wtf. i have no way to explain this so i get fairly annoyed when i'm around her a lot because she keeps fucking asking me what i eat. when the semester started she asked if i ate healthy and i laughed and said "uhh my eating habits are all over the place. i'd never want someone to think anything i do is healthy." and left it at that. idk maybe that clued her in. a few weeks ago she was describing what basically sounds like acid reflux to me and how eating acidic things makes her feel sick. then she freaked me out because she said "you know like bulimia. do you know what bulimia is?" and i was like "uh yeah, are you vomiting on purpose?" and she said "no never" and i told her "well you're not bulimic but it might be acid reflux i would definitely look into that". like wtf guys? idk if its a language barrier or cultural difference because she is from india but i was like UH this is the last thing i'd wanna talk to a classmate about. does this sound weird to anyone else? dae experience people like this? i wanna feel like i'm not going crazy here
[Rant/Rave] Success in failure
/u/Internal-Panic
Created: Thu Sep 27 18:38:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jicwy/success_in_failure/
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SO I just binged. Like hard. Cheeseburger, fries, large coke hard. BUT I'm not going to purge. I've decided that I'm done with that. I feel....okay. Fat. I feel fat. But okay. I'm not dying. I'll start losing weight again tomorrow. For now I'm just going to sit with it.
[Rant/Rave] i think im relapsing :/
/u/AgreeableReplacment
Created: Thu Sep 27 18:31:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jib2y/i_think_im_relapsing/
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ive been trying to recover on my own for over a month and i think im relapsing already. i have no idea how much ive gained but i started at a bmi of like 14 and my brain for some reason thinks im like a bmi of 20+ now even though i dont think thats physically possible? i have no idea how much i weigh and im starting to panic.
ive been having more and more days where i "save" calories for later, ignore my hunger, etc. and the last few days ive been way under my minimum caloric needs. ive been taking ephedrine, purposely trying to trigger myself, lying to my SO, body checking, everything that i should be trying to avoid doing but i get sucked into anyway. idk why im posting this, i guess i just need to vent. my SO will be so disappointed if i relapse especially after everything he went through because of me.
ENLIGHTENED!!
/u/aeonamare [5'6| 156.4 | 25.2 | -58.6 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 27 18:15:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ji6up/enlightened/
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Holy moly guys - the Enlightened Movie Night ice cream is the best thing I have ever encountered in this world. Might just switch to eating a pint of that a day versus anything else.
[Rant/Rave] I feel like my progress is slow and worthless.
/u/LillyWhiteAndFrozen [5'4 | 163.6 lbs | -13.6 lbs |28.63 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 27 18:11:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ji5vu/i_feel_like_my_progress_is_slow_and_worthless/
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I'm six weeks into restricting again after eating whatever I wanted for several months and gaining around ten pounds.
I've lost 14 pounds. I feel like the weight has come off so slowly, but it's actually been pretty rapid - over two pounds a week.
I don't think I can sustain this pace for much longer because I've got no self control and I'm REALLY trying to high restrict to avoid binging and purging.
I'm just so IMPATIENT. It feels like I've made no progress at all and I know it will be another few months before I start feeling thinner again.
I don't feel like I deserve to have lost anything yet honestly.
[Rant/Rave] anorexic mindset but no willpower
/u/spaghetti-tacos
Created: Thu Sep 27 17:44:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jhywx/anorexic_mindset_but_no_willpower/
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it makes me so ducking mad because if i just had the willpower i’d already be at my goal weight. but nooooo food is to damn tempting. my mind doesn’t match my body at all and i hate it. does anyone else struggle with this or am i a fake ana?
[Rant/Rave] Me developing an eating disorder was not a coincidence (TW?)
/u/Bookeisha [182 cm | 57.3 kg | BMI 17.3 | M ]
Created: Thu Sep 27 17:41:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jhy1b/me_developing_an_eating_disorder_was_not_a/
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Seeing the amount of stress, anxiety and depressive episodes I've had to put up with (especially these last few years) and all the challenges I have yet to face, I'm not one bit surprised it ended up manifesting this way.
It's not just some shallow vanity. Sure I enjoy looking like a drug addict with hollow cheeks at my worst but it goes far beyond my appearance. It's like this continuous flow of mental abuse eventually did their thing and successfully dissociated my mind from my body. I mean why on earth would ignoring my most basic instincts become so normal? One is just burdening the other: my brain has gotten a fair taste of reality, it couldn't care less about vital nutrients and living another 50 years. There's something a little delirious knowing that if I go on just long enough, I might actually die from this. Like I actually have that kind of control over my life.
Honestly I think my body reached some sort of limit along the way and is just slowly shutting down.
[Help] Question about fasting/low restriction
/u/nekkedpebbl [5'2.25🌻103.8lbs🌻-12.2]
Created: Thu Sep 27 17:38:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jhxel/question_about_fastinglow_restriction/
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So I’ve basically been fasting for the last 48 hours (I’ve had some tea and 2 mints, so it’s not a “pure” fast) and the scale hasn’t gone down much but at least, ya know, it’s gone down instead of up throughout the day, so that’s awesome. But I have a sporting event that I’m competing in later so I need to eat at some point for performance.
Thing is now I’m afraid of the weight I might gain by breaking my fast. So I guess my question is, is my body going to “hold on” to the food more or will my weight probably go down by morning? How do y’all successfully break your fasts?
Also, felt fat asf this morning and now I’m feeling smol and sexy^tm even though the scale has literally gone down by .4, so yay body dysmorphia!
"you're withering away to nothing.."
/u/digiskunk [5'4" | 125lbs | 21.5 | 75lbs | M]
Created: Thu Sep 27 17:34:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jhwdo/youre_withering_away_to_nothing/
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how do you guys handle friends who approach you with sincere concerns regarding your weight loss?
my best friend has been very aware of my weight, which continues to drop at a fairly gradual rate, and it's really upsetting her. she confronted me today about how much i've changed; about how, just a few months ago, i looked somewhat healthy and now i'm beginning to "look scary" and how i'm "withering away to nothing." she's afraid of losing me and says that it would "utterly destroy her" if something were to happen. she's just incredibly concerned but i feel perfectly fine.
or maybe i don't. maybe i *do* realize that i look sick and feel like crap about it. and i wish i could eat more but i've reached that point where i view food as an enemy and a mere energy source rather than a delightful venture into dining, which makes binging so much more difficult.
i really want to get better and eat healthier; not only for me, but for her as well.
how many of you have experienced something similar, and how did you handle it? i just don't want to hurt my friend and it just makes me want to cry when i hear these things. i thought i was the only one i was hurting with my disorder, but apparently not...
[Rant/Rave] i just saw the photos from a family wedding i went to a couple months back and i cried for two hours
/u/jimblebitch
Created: Thu Sep 27 17:33:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jhvzf/i_just_saw_the_photos_from_a_family_wedding_i/
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i was texted a link to the photos from a family wedding. i looked at them. then cried. looked at them again. then cried some more.
i looked so pale... white as a ghost. i looked so fat next to all my normal family members. my arms, oh my god, my arms. i wore a sleeveless shirt, long skirt, and has gross rose gold hair. it was such an ugly look, but my body dysmorphia convinced me it was good enough.
since the start of the year, i’ve been dealing with such a violent relapse into both my ed and self harming habits. it’s scary how dark my mind had gotten in a matter of days. i’m afraid to admit i’m back at my worst, and probably even deeper. i don’t want help because i don’t deserve it. i feel like i’m being immature and pathetic for turning back to it. i should be a grown ass adult about this and yet, here i am again, half sobbing on my bedroom floor because of three simple photos.
i feel like a child for reacting this way. i haven’t been like this since i was 17. oops. i’m so ugly, my confidence has plummeted again. it really hasn’t helped that my move is becoming nasty and stressful, while my extra workload from school is getting to be overwhelming. i’m in too deep, and i can’t quit now. my ed and self harming is the only thing keeping my grounded while i gasp for air on the weekends.
but i’ve only lost 20 lbs. 20. fucking. pounds. that’s it. all this emotional distress and exhaustion for what feels like nothing. nearly ten months of this and nothing to show for it. normally i’d revert back to straight up bingeing, but with the stress, restricting is a new (and sadly satisfying) way to self harm. it’s a hidden one. something no one ever thinks the fat girl is doing to herself.
[Rant/Rave] the only thing i like about school
/u/impractically-me
Created: Thu Sep 27 17:31:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jhvkp/the_only_thing_i_like_about_school/
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how easy it is to restrict! my school has lunch really early, so i use that as an excuse to my mom to only have a rice cake for breakfast. then at lunch i have my 40 cals worth of yogurt, like 1/4 of a rap, and sometimes half of a rice cake, and sometimes ill have my friends low sugar jello. by the end of lunch ive had usually below 200 calories in total that day. then i get home and ha ha binge
[Rant/Rave] EVERY TIME i reach a new low weight i lose it
/u/myrtlewils0n [22F |5'6"| CW:119 | GW: 110 | BMI: 19 .2]
Created: Thu Sep 27 17:12:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jhq55/every_time_i_reach_a_new_low_weight_i_lose_it/
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I woke up today lower than I’ve ever been. Yay! So what do I do? I ate at least five or six peanut butter chocolate chip cookies and a massive bowl of mostaccioli. I just KNOW I’m going to get back on the scale tomorrow right where I was back in May and where I’ve floated around for nearly the past six months.
Why can’t I just let myself have nice things?
[Rant/Rave] Today was an interesting day
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | CW: 114 | GW:105 | UGW 100 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 27 17:05:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jho9n/today_was_an_interesting_day/
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So I have my psychiatrist appointment and my mom picks me up from college and goes to the appointment. The psychiatrist says she’ll drop me if i don’t find a therapist even though we’ve been looking and none have hit us back up. She said she’d drop me due to fasting and purging.
So I go home from the appointment toneat pizza. I planned on only eating 2 slices but ended up eating like 5. So I was up a couple of pounds. Then I purged from 122 to 118 and am feeling better.
How many calories do you eat a day?
/u/Phasianida
Created: Thu Sep 27 16:48:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jhjir/how_many_calories_do_you_eat_a_day/
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How many calories do you try to restrict to each day?
[Discussion] Trigger warning: I’m binging after a fast on a steak salad I made , I wish I could just enjoy it with out thinking it was a “binge”
/u/Shewantstolive
Created: Thu Sep 27 16:41:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jhhoo/trigger_warning_im_binging_after_a_fast_on_a/
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https://i.redd.it/tl7oyka20vo11.jpg
[Discussion] Safe food compilation!
/u/RachAgainstLeMachine [5'3 🌻 CW: 93lbs 🌻 21F]
Created: Thu Sep 27 16:35:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jhg50/safe_food_compilation/
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Not sure if this exists, but we should all compile list of our FAVORITE safe foods/meals!
For me it’s:
- Krinkle cut butternut fries
- Sugar Free/ Fat Free pudding mix
- Low Fat Eggo Waffles
- Reduced Calorie Bread/English Muffins/Buns
- Spray butter
- Velveta Cheese
- Morning Star veggie dogs
- Egg whites
- Pb2
-Sugar Free Jelly
- Morning Star garlic quinoa veggie burgers
-Unsweetened Vanilla Cashew Milk
Low Calorie ice cream pints and fat free whipped cream used to be on this list buuut I haven’t had much self control around them lately, so I’ve limited them to Fri-Sun treats.
[Help] Sodium overload?
/u/Personal102 [17M | GW:130 | H: 6'0"| CW:160 | ]
Created: Thu Sep 27 16:32:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jhfbi/sodium_overload/
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I just ate a whole jar of pickles as my OMAD, clocking in at over 6000mg of sodium. Is this dangerous? I don't do it all the time and I'm not feeling so good...Should I slam down a ton of water? Will I be bloated tomorrow? I decided to eat a ton of pickles because that always helps my sore throat, and it was only 100 calories for the entire jar. Yum yum though, even if it's killing me :)
[Rant/Rave] Water weight is dramatic AF
/u/ZoAbii [5"2 | 18.5 | Female]
Created: Thu Sep 27 16:09:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jh8mt/water_weight_is_dramatic_af/
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Weighed in at my lowest ever of 45.5kg's two days ago after fasting for three days, felt really shit and thought I needed some treats (my mistake) so I ate at maintenance for the last two days on mostly junk food and salty chips (my next mistake). Last night after I finished all this junk food I felt like I was gonna burst, my tummy is sensitive and I look like I'm pregnant:(
​
​
Knew I shouldn't have weighed myself this morning but I was curious, I know it's all water retention, 49kg's :| DAMN. I'm fasting again for the next few days hopefully, keeping up my electrolytes this time bc I think that's where I stuffed up last time. Plus its my second last week of uni so I'm feeling the stresssss.
Ankle weights as a belt for today's medical weigh in
/u/doesntckowt
Created: Thu Sep 27 16:06:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jh7zl/ankle_weights_as_a_belt_for_todays_medical_weigh/
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My weight is definitely in the normal range. That being said, my doc is up my ass about losing weight. I had my 3 mo check in today. Since then I've lost 20+ pounds. So I bought some ankle weights 2.5lbs each and fastened them together. Wore several tanks and a tee, flannel shirt, vest filled with 20 AA batteries, padlock, phone and keys, skinnies and moto boots. That added 11 pounds during my weigh in. She still mentioned the loss. So...i picked up another set. So I can add 10lbs next time. I don't have to go back until after Xmas. I was prescribed vyvanse for binge eating 4 months ago and that's why she apparently is monitoring my weight so closely. I credit my 25+ pound weight loss to that, restricting like crazy and working out. If I got caught????? Omg. I'm a grown ass woman! She would have yanked the script for sure.
i just took 350mg bisacodyl
/u/relativeletter6 [161cm | 52.7kg | gw 50kg]
Created: Thu Sep 27 16:04:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jh7c0/i_just_took_350mg_bisacodyl/
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aka 70 dulcolax (not dulcolax it’s a generic brand but. same deal lol)
wish me luck i might die tonight but i also wanna take more bc i ate 2800 calories and i’m 5 pounds above my morning weight XDD
[Tip] Ankle weights as a belt for today's medical weigh in
/u/doesntckowt
Created: Thu Sep 27 15:56:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jh52t/ankle_weights_as_a_belt_for_todays_medical_weigh/
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https://i.redd.it/9rdkhbs1suo11.jpg
DAE not want to practice self-love?
/u/dartsmcgee88
Created: Thu Sep 27 15:49:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jh2zq/dae_not_want_to_practice_selflove/
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Idk, I feel like I "loved myself" to an unhealthy weight, and now that I'm more strict/rigid with my diet and the weight is coming off... I'm still sort of unhappy that I'm hungry and tired and weak, but it's not as bad as being unhappy about being overweight. Anyone else scared that self-care is a slippery slope to over indulgence?
P.S. Any self-care tips that don't involve eating more would be appreciated! Thx!
Not hungry, but never full.
/u/reanbean117
Created: Thu Sep 27 15:35:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jgypc/not_hungry_but_never_full/
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I'm not sure if it's the Zoloft 200mg that I'm taking that is not making me hungry or if my hunger signals are messed up?
[Discussion] What’s the most you’ve ever spent on a binge?
/u/thingsarestranger [5’2” | CW:121.7 | GW1:115 | SW:160 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 27 15:15:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jgsmz/whats_the_most_youve_ever_spent_on_a_binge/
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Just spent $30 on junk to binge on bc I have no self control lately and b/ping is the only thing that gets me through the day/curbs my anxiety 🙃 I’ve been doing it 3 or 4 times a day for the past week I feel like such a failure I’m sure I’ve gained 5 pounds honestly maybe more of just straight fat
[Tip] Hope this helps anyone with fasting headaches
/u/kaylamia
Created: Thu Sep 27 15:06:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jgpvd/hope_this_helps_anyone_with_fasting_headaches/
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https://i.redd.it/tnjz0uztguo11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] I just got a panic attack for the first time
/u/kioskmongo
Created: Thu Sep 27 15:02:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jgolh/i_just_got_a_panic_attack_for_the_first_time/
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This has never happened before but I’m 98% sure I just got one?! I’ve been so stressed from school lately, trying to watch my diet and restrict (failing more than I’d like to). Gained 2kg. Have an exam on tuesday. But I thought I was kinda structured and haven’t really felt all that bad?
I was on my way home from school today, just strolling to the metro. Got on the train. Was feeling kind of nauseous but thought I was just hungry. Until my vision started flickering, I got tunnel vision and my hearing became limited, like my head was in a small room. There was like this pressure on me or my chest? I couldn’t breath! Which resulted in me hyperventilating. My hands felt tickly, like you know when your legs fall asleep? And the sweat. Suddenly it was so warm, my neck, arms and everything were soaking. It felt like my personal hell, like I was going to faint, my thoughts went to my diet right away - it’s now that I die, all that purging and all the vitamins I’m missing are finally catching up. Or maybe I got low bloodsugar because suddenly I got diabetes or something. I just was so sure that this is it. And it lasted for two stations, I think? I couldn’t really hear or see.
Anyway, I just wanted to rant because I don’t have anyone I trust/feel comfortable telling and I was honestly really scared and felt very alone in this and needed to get it out of me. Thanks for reading 🌈
[Help] How do you deal with nausea?
/u/munwolfex
Created: Thu Sep 27 15:00:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jgo65/how_do_you_deal_with_nausea/
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I've been eating around 900 calories everyday, but I feel sick until I eat something. Does anyone have tips on how to curve nausea???
[Other] bless my dad, may he remain oblivious forever
/u/Xelaalba [165cm | CW52.4kg | 19.2 | GW 50kg | F]
Created: Thu Sep 27 14:56:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jgmwq/bless_my_dad_may_he_remain_oblivious_forever/
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he came downstairs as i was mid-binge, all the cupboards open, stuffing my face with bread and peanut butter and he asks:
'what are you doing?'
'.....having a snack'(LMAO)
'is that your second cup of tea tonight?? you just had one an hour ago'
ahaha yes it's my second cup of tea but this is also the second baguette that i've eaten today : )
I found these on reddit! Ordered from ketochow.xyz. Mix a few drops in water, has a mild salt taste. Happy fasting! 0 calories.
/u/kaylamia
Created: Thu Sep 27 14:54:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jgm71/i_found_these_on_reddit_ordered_from_ketochowxyz/
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https://i.redd.it/tnjz0uztguo11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] I'm Not Okay AT ALL
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Thu Sep 27 14:49:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jgkpv/im_not_okay_at_all/
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I spent the past 4 days in a row binge eating and taking laxatives. I definitely ate over 3500 calories every day, so there's that.
I haven't eaten anything today and I don't want to. My LEEP procedure (which I've posted about several times on here, I'm sorry if this is getting annoying) is next Tuesday. Today has been absolutely horrible. I spent the first half of my day having an ongoing panic attack and crying/arguing with my boyfriend. He gets annoyed (like everyone else I've ever been with) every time I have uncontrollable anxiety because I literally repeat myself over and over and nothing makes me feel okay. He called me emotionally unstable and said I have the maturity of a 5 year old. I also found out recently that in November I have to get a lower impacted wisdom tooth taken out without laughing gas or being put under.
I know what's going to happen. The LEEP will be incredibly traumatizing and so will the results. I either have cancer, precancerous cells, or HPV. My tooth extraction is going to also be painful and healing from both of these procedures will be as well.
My body is failing and so is my life. I'm currently at work and the only one here until 6 so I can't just leave. I took half of my prescribed klonopin because I literally threw up from anxiety earlier but it's not helping. I feel numb now. I'm 24 yeara old and I want to die. I've had enough. I really, really have felt this way for a long time.
My father is soon getting a second divorce. My car is having serious problems. I'm financially unstable. My body is sick. My mind is sicker. I want to restrict/fast until I disappear. I'm sorry for this long post but I literally have no one else to talk to.
Also, I feel incredibly bloated and I KNOW I've gained weight. I want to be 89lbs again. My cervix is actually hurting and I don't know if its because of possible HPV/cancer or if it's in my head. I'm about to go in the bathroom and have another panic attack.
[Discussion] You know you’re in this deep when you’re really upset your boyfriend isn’t coming to school tomorrow but...
/u/Exoarmyl [5'4 | CW: FAT | GW: 140lbs | WL: ? | 17F]
Created: Thu Sep 27 14:24:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jgd94/you_know_youre_in_this_deep_when_youre_really/
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That also means he can’t force you to eat so you lose one, you win one. Gotta love our EDs
Ana’s disciples discord shut down?
/u/milk-and-honie [5'6" | 175 | 28.2 | 25 lbs down | female]
Created: Thu Sep 27 14:23:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jgcv3/anas_disciples_discord_shut_down/
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yo anyone have any information on this?
[Discussion] What's the longest you've fasted for?
/u/vandxm
Created: Thu Sep 27 14:18:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jgbcg/whats_the_longest_youve_fasted_for/
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I'm currently water fasting and I just hit 40 hours and I feel like shit lol. I can barely move and if I stand up I can feel my whole body shaking.
I'm just curious about what's the longest you guys have fasted for and how do you deal with the side effects?
[Discussion] Disgusting binge foods
/u/sadveggiehead [5’5 |SW.156 |CW.137 |GW.120 |23.07 |F]
Created: Thu Sep 27 13:57:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jg58w/disgusting_binge_foods/
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DAE have really gross binge foods you eat in private? I just started restricting again and last night at 2am I ate hot Cheetos dipped in chic fil a sauce. I’m not going to lie I’ve eaten this before. I will eat anything in chic fil a sauce I hoard the stuff. I need to throw the last packet away :(
[Rant/Rave] Why is it frustrating to watch people not have self control??
/u/InBetweenTheLies [5'8.5 | 125.8 | 18.6 | -11]
Created: Thu Sep 27 13:53:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jg3x0/why_is_it_frustrating_to_watch_people_not_have/
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I don't know what is wrong with me. This is probably going to make me sound like a terrible-awful person who is super judgmental and I promise that I'm trying *not* to be that person but agh.
CONTEXT: So I live with several housemates, most of whom don't make exactly wonderful food decisions. I'm the smallest (in weight, tallest in height) and only two of us work out. They eat out a lot.
Anyway, one of the housemates gets high a lot. I don't have any problem with pot, she's an adult and she smokes on the balcony so as far as I'm concerned, she can do whatever she wants so long as I don't have to smell it. She's the person who I'd say makes the worst food decisions anyway (Ramen and cereal only for days on end, and I've literally never seen her eat a vegetable). But when she's high she takes that up to eleven. All she'll talk about is how she *shouldn't* eat the pack of cookies, while she eats every one of them. Then she'll say she *shouldn't* eat several slices of bread, but do it anyway. She laughs and laughs and does this over and over. She'll call people in to see how much she's eating. She's not embarrassed of it, I think she likes the spectacle.
Then later in the night, when I'm blending some vegetables because my stomach doesn't work, she'll say something about my 'rabbit food' and how she 'wishes she had my self control' and it's so hard to tell her that if she could if she would just stop excusing all of her behavior. She goes on and on about how she's just a 'thick girl' (she's a healthy weight, just soft) and I wish I could tell her that there's nothing wrong with that, but it is in this case partially a choice.
Am I weird for finding that frustrating to listen to over and over?
[Rant/Rave] I got fucking dress coded
/u/BigFrameSkinnyAddict
Created: Thu Sep 27 13:50:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jg327/i_got_fucking_dress_coded/
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Wow. The one thing I look somewhat cute in. I got dress coded lol. A black longsleve and black leggings and a blue jacket around my waist... I looked slim and cute and then I got dress coded w t f thanks Spanish teacher
[Discussion] First time EC stacking
/u/landfill7707 [5'3| 101 | 17.9| 19F]
Created: Thu Sep 27 13:46:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jg207/first_time_ec_stacking/
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I know this isn’t really something to be excited about but I feel like I just pulled off some kind of heist. Made a joke with the guy at the counter about how I’m “not making meth, I promise” and now I’m walking home and I just can’t wait to finally not feel the need to eat for once
[Rant/Rave] Hahahahaha Never Eating Again
/u/peyton2724 [5'9'' | CW: 145 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 27 13:42:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jg0ud/hahahahaha_never_eating_again/
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Hey, for those of you who saw it, I was the one who made the Iceberg Lettuce and Turkey post yesterday.
So the other day my dad was getting groceries and asked if I wanted anything. I said Turkey slices because I wanted to try the turkey and lettuce thing. He got me Turkey slices. I ate five out of the six, because I asked for them and I thought they were for me.
My dad came home today and went absolutely ballistic. He called me selfish and a glutton, and repeatedly told me how there was no way I ate that much turkey because I was actually hungry, and that I was incredibly selfish and obviously didn’t give a shit about anything he did for me.
He doesn’t know I’ve been relapsing. He doesn’t realize turkey slices are low cal. and we’re only half of the 300 calories I ate that day. He has no idea that I’m still struggling with my eating disorder.
The worst part was I was literally looking up therapy options for my ED today to try to turn this thing around. Ha, forget that. I’m going to starve until I die.
[Other] I’m so weak lmao
/u/1caru3 [5'1 | CW: 113 | UGW: 100 | F16]
Created: Thu Sep 27 13:38:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jfzjd/im_so_weak_lmao/
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Hi it’s me, your friendly neighborhood fuck-up coming at you from the school nurse’s office because i tried fasting for 48 hours with no supplements and passed out in my Chem class.... in front of like 36 people
i’m now waiting for my mom to pick me up and debating whether i should eat or not like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ like yeah i haven’t eaten since tuesday morning but i mean i’m getting closer to my GW so.......
my mom’s probably gonna make me eat tho fuckin rip
anyways!! if you’ve fasted for more than 48 hours please tell me your secrets!!! (jk but also not jk) because i can’t fucking restrict like a normal person... it’s all or nothing for me yiKes
[Help] Is ECA stacking + Vyvanse Dangerous?
/u/AniTrash [5’5 | CW: 127.4 | BMI: 21.2 | SW: 190 | 22F]
Created: Thu Sep 27 13:23:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jfv1g/is_eca_stacking_vyvanse_dangerous/
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I know ECA stacking can have negative health consequences on its own, but I just started taking 10mg Vyvanse as well with it. Is there a high likelihood I’m going to have a heart attack?
[Rant/Rave] I cannot stand my face because I look like my abuser
/u/piizza [5’4” | 132 CW | 110 GW | 22.7 | -12 lbs| F]
Created: Thu Sep 27 13:19:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jftrg/i_cannot_stand_my_face_because_i_look_like_my/
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(TW: sexual abuse)
All of the political drama today is bringing all the pain, resentment, and helplessness of my past back—I need to vent. I’ve been crying all morning.
I can’t look like him.
I was abused by a family member for an extended period of my childhood. We bear an unfortunate resemblance to one another.
He’s always been overweight. Even when I’m a “normal” weight, my face is round enough that all I see in the mirror is his disgusting face.
I HAVE to get back to my low weight so my face is too angular to look like his. I never lost the baby-roundness in my cheeks. I’ve ALWAYS hated them. I’m doing water/broth “fasting” right now and I have to pee constantly, and seeing my ugly puffy face in the mirror is more motivation.
I’ve lost ten pounds in the past four weeks but I think it was just water. I can’t get myself out of the 130s and I’m going to fucking lose my mind. I HAVE to do this before the holidays roll around because he still gets invited to family functions!!!!
I just want to evaporate
Ta
/u/ViceIsNotNice
Created: Thu Sep 27 13:17:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jfszn/ta/
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Scared to figure out my "restarting" point
/u/loseitjen [5'8 |SW 140|CW ?!|GW 115| F21]
Created: Thu Sep 27 12:56:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jfmkn/scared_to_figure_out_my_restarting_point/
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So I got to my all time lw a couple months ago but then got into a pretty bad b/p cycle where I know I put on some weight but it wasn't anything too crazy, maybe 10-15lbs. But the thing is, I really don't know and I'm too scared to weigh myself. I've been doing really well at getting back into the habit of restriction but I'm honestly too scared to look in the mirror at myself and waaaay too scared to step on a scale. It's weird bc before I started restricting again I would look at myself in the mirror all the time just analyzing. But since I started up again I'm too scared to do it. So I don't know where I'm starting at and I'm too scared to figure it out. All I know is I'm eating under TDEE by a good amount so in theory I should be losing. I'm just scared that when I finally step on the scale again it's gonna show some absurdly high weight that throws me into a spiral. BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH why is my brain like this
Friends restricting making you super frustrated?
/u/Appolinaris9
Created: Thu Sep 27 12:30:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jfemx/friends_restricting_making_you_super_frustrated/
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So I have this one friend who I feel is always competing with me weight wise. I lost a ton (60ish lbs) and wound up way thinner than her, and people started commenting and complimenting me when she was with me - probably triggered her often because I know she's insecure about her body and always tries to get me to eat more, brings me chocolate and stuff (which makes me so angry lol). But lately she has lost a lot, while I have been binging and gained a lot back. We're about the same now, or I believe she's even thinner. I could live with that somewhat because I'm trying to lose now in a healthy-ish manner (as far as my ed allows it lol), but today she announced she went on a detox and can't have sugar or wheat or whatever. Damn, this made me SO ANGRY for whatever reason. I just started to get myself to eat more real food, as in, actual sugar and a little bread here and there instead of masses or artificial sweeteners and things to hold me over. Now I don't want to ever eat again :( I don't understand why it feels so offensive to me, I mean, she can do whatever the heck she likes and so can I. But still.. DAMN
[Intro] i don’t understand anyone.
/u/winterfoxes_
Created: Thu Sep 27 12:19:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jfb0f/i_dont_understand_anyone/
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my friend got upset with me for eating her food recently... even though she totally offered it to me! she didn’t say anything until today.
i’m thankful for this motivation to starve completely now. this is the type of shit makes me not what to eat.
The teens guys. THE FREAKING HUNDRED AND TEENS!!!!
/u/SkinnyisSexy [5'7 |125lb|19.6|-23lb|F GW115]
Created: Thu Sep 27 12:13:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jf97t/the_teens_guys_the_freaking_hundred_and_teens/
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Woke up at 119.8 today WOOT! One more lb and I'll have a bmi of 18.5. I still don't have a real thigh gap and my boyfriend hasn't mentioned my weight loss of almost 30 lbs but, whatever. Guys my bmi is 18.8. I'm so close to my LW. Plus I'm on my period right now (less good) but that means when it's over I'll probably weigh even less! Thats it kids. Still hate myself but I feel good about my weight r/n.
Apparently my habits make my coworkers self conscious.
/u/Rotten_Muffin [5"3 | 104 lbs | 18.9 | LW: 30 lbs | 20F | Relapsed]
Created: Thu Sep 27 12:13:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jf93v/apparently_my_habits_make_my_coworkers_self/
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So I eat at work. Like most my coworkers, we bring our food and eat it here because there's not that much time to go back home or go out. I haven't been working here long, but they kind of know what kind of habits I have. I always bring my meals prepped, and if for some reason I fall into temptation and buy something from the café underneath our building, I always make sure it's something light like one Zero Cal Juice they sell.
So yesterday after I ate upstairs, and went downstairs because I was going out, as I was passing trough the café where my coworkers were eating. They began mocking me because of my obsession with counting calories. They told me that apparently I made them self conscious about themselves and about what they eat. That I made them feel guilty for their habits. They were telling me the usual things like "how can you live like this" and "how can you possibly eat so little" and things like that.
I was pretty bummed out, it's not my fault I'm like this. It's not my fault she wants to eat two slices of pizza only to eat an entire full meal of entomatadas two hours later. If only they knew I don't actually enjoy being like this. I hope they don't find out I'm fasting today. Idk, I'm sad.
DAE go from 1200isplenty to here?
/u/cantdecidewhatiwant
Created: Thu Sep 27 12:08:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jf7kd/dae_go_from_1200isplenty_to_here/
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[Rant/Rave] i feel an unreasonable amount of anger when my bf doesn’t eat with me
/u/congratty
Created: Thu Sep 27 12:04:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jf6jy/i_feel_an_unreasonable_amount_of_anger_when_my_bf/
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(low key about to cry rn lol) so my boyfriend and i go out a lot and we bring food for each other sometimes, and he hardly eats any of the food we bring and it makes me so ANGRY IDEK WHY! I LITERALLY WANT TO SCREAM LIKE WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME TO FUCKING EAT IF UR NOT GONNA EAT GODDAMN.. this shit has me so heated and idk how to approach the subject 😭 he knows i have an ED but i hate talking about it :( i want to die fr
[Other] I'm so fucking done with binging
/u/audreyhepburnwho [no binge October~ Halloween goal 68kg cw 73kg]
Created: Thu Sep 27 12:04:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jf6bq/im_so_fucking_done_with_binging/
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Fuck binging. I've had BED since I was a fucking child. I'm 25 now. My body can't deal with this anymore. I feel like SHIT the day after, it's worse than any hangover, and still i keep doing it to myself for a measly few minutes of joy???? I had a very good September but then went and had 4 HORRIBLE binges last week. No more. No fucking more. I had to go on a plane only a few hours after a binge and spent the whole flight utterly uncomfortable, bloated as fuck couldn't even sit properly. Like, no! My face is all puffy, eyes swollen, skin breaking out, and i feel physically sick, my body hates me, and I'm too old for this shit. It's like I'm going and getting shit faced every other night before work, but instead of alcohol it's thousands of calories.... I'm not binging anymore. Overeating is fine, eating at maintenance is fine, binging isn't. And I'm gonna do my absolute fucking best until Halloween because I've yet to reach my September goal and so I'm moving the deadline but this time it's for real, i need to lose 10lbs until then, and then only 5 more until the end of November and I'm good.
I should be six pounds lower than i am right now AKA why i cant trust my body now
/u/fruitandfood [🦊 5'7" | 113.6 | 17.76 | F 🌻]
Created: Thu Sep 27 11:55:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jf3g2/i_should_be_six_pounds_lower_than_i_am_right_now/
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So i calculated my TDEE for sedentary and worked out how much to lose a pound a week
I was trying to be healthier
I gave it SIX WEEKS, six weeks of being bloated and sad, hating myself, feeling insecure everywhere and with everyone, hating everytime my bf would even touch my waist
I shouldve lost 6 pounds at the MINIMUM, but, realistically, more as I am far from sedentary and was increasing mileage and adding more exercise
And yet not only did i not lose 6 pounds i gained 2 pounds
*I hate myself. I hate my body. I cant trust it now and I wasted 6 weeks of weight loss.*
FML
[Rant/Rave] I’m both pissed and moderately satisfied wtf
/u/coffee_and_vape [5'2'' | CW: 134 :c | GW: 111| UGW: 95 | -77.2 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 27 11:53:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jf316/im_both_pissed_and_moderately_satisfied_wtf/
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I’ve been keeping below 900cal a day and seeing a consistent .2 lb loss, but I’m pissed I haven’t lost faster.
Time to up the anti. Fasting and 500cal here I come. 😤
[Discussion] Biggest binge of my life?
/u/sunnyrai99
Created: Thu Sep 27 11:31:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jew6i/biggest_binge_of_my_life/
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Okay maybe not my whole life but biggest binge in months.... and I waited too long to purge.. I’m so so sad. I know we all do it and it won’t set me back THAT far but literally I ate an unbelievable amount of food yesterday and I keep panicking thinking how I’m going to be in my old body because I ate like that. I’m so afraid and I know it isn’t logical but Fuck I’m stressed. Plus I know eventually I’ll need to eat :,(
[Rant/Rave] The idea of being ultra thin makes me feel safe
/u/whitechocolateonly [5'8" | CW: 128.2 & BMI: 19.5 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 27 11:22:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jetix/the_idea_of_being_ultra_thin_makes_me_feel_safe/
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I've always wanted to be skinny, for as long as I can remember. While I was never fat, just average, I spent middle school and high school dreaming of having the body of a model. As I've gotten older, I've started desiring an ultra thin, "dainty" body. While I don't mind being considered sexy I am terrified sexualized. I did not grow up in an environment where the female body was every really on display or objectified in that way and I struggle a lot with the hypersexualization I face as black girl so being sexualized and objectified by men ~~and there is a whole other sexuality discussion in there but that's for another time~~ terrifies for me and I feel out of control and unsafe. I also hate the thought of people thinking I'm a "loud and angry black girl" and taking up space. My field is very white so naturally I stand out despite trying not to. Being thin gives me small thighs, hips, and boobs. It makes my body less sexual. If I'm small and "dainty" then I want stand out as much and people will won't find me threatening and instead they'll want to care for me and protect me. I want someone to look at me and think "She needs love care and protection". Thinness is my safety blanket.
[Discussion] Do you burn more calories during your period?
/u/subarremos [5'3 | CW: 99 | GW: 88]
Created: Thu Sep 27 11:13:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jeqkx/do_you_burn_more_calories_during_your_period/
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🤔
[Discussion] DAE dress to their body dysmorphia?
/u/killingtiimee
Created: Thu Sep 27 11:04:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jeno0/dae_dress_to_their_body_dysmorphia/
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I have no other way to word it. But I will never wear short sleeves in public because I hate how how my arms look. Or I always have a jacket with me, not to mention the several I keep in my car.
I also have “safe outfits”, outfits I wear over and over because I’ve deemed I look ok in them. If I’m going out in a “new outfit” I have to try on everything in my closet and it’s kinda stressful. But I’ve been doing this since I was like 10.
Can anyone relate?
Sharing food
/u/KaitlynMK
Created: Thu Sep 27 11:00:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jemjh/sharing_food/
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Does anyone else hate sharing food? Or freaks out when people take Their food? Like today for lunch I had a 15 cal red bull and a small bag of combos. My friend kept eating my combos. I wanted to freak out. I even moved the bag away from her. I already had the calories counted, and she fucked them up. Like how am I suppose to subtract 8 combos from my
Cal count? I hate sharing food.
[Other] My yummy lunch :)
/u/Personal102 [17M | GW:130 | H: 6'0"| CW:160 | ]
Created: Thu Sep 27 10:56:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jel79/my_yummy_lunch/
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Lunch is currently going in right now. Everyone else is in the cafeteria eating their lunch, meanwhile I'm in a remote bathroom stall cracking salt into my mouth as I'm on a fast. Gotta get those electrolytes in. Lowest moment in my life? Probably.
Last year vs this year
/u/dallasdreamer
Created: Thu Sep 27 10:47:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jeigg/last_year_vs_this_year/
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Last year I was in a size 1X work shirt.
This year, at this moment, I'm wearing my size small work shirt, and it fits perfectly.
I was in size 22 pants.
And I'm sitting here in a size 5.
I was a size 40DDD bra.
Now I'm a 32C.
You guys...
I sTILl FeEL fUcKINg FAT! WHAT THE FUCK?
I dreamed of being this size my whole life. I was the 200 lb middle schooler. But I STILL 👏 FEEL 👏 FAT👏
When will I feel normal?
[Discussion] DAE take fluoxetine?
/u/Internet_Soup
Created: Thu Sep 27 10:25:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jebox/dae_take_fluoxetine/
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I've been taking fluoxetine for like 5 days now and it's making feel super trashy, I'm getting a lot of physical symptoms where it makes me feel ill. I feel like I can barely function.
If anyone here takes fluoxetine, what do you do to feel a little better?
[Rant/Rave] Diet Coke is DISGUSTING!
/u/sstephenn [Recovering 5'10 | 126.2/57.2 | 18.1 | -60/27.2 | Male ]
Created: Thu Sep 27 10:08:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9je6mc/diet_coke_is_disgusting/
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How the fuck do u guys drink this... I just had a Diet Coke (I’ve only had them a handful of times) and I’m literally gagging on how sweet it tastes in comparison to regular coke. Does Coke Zero taste more like regular coke than diet??
[Rant/Rave] I hate hate that I want to eat
/u/arteww [180 cm | CW 61 kg | BMI 18,7 | -9kg | F]
Created: Thu Sep 27 10:08:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9je6kl/i_hate_hate_that_i_want_to_eat/
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I want to eat. I hate that I want to eat. I hate that I hate that I want to eat.
I don't want to check how many laxatives I have left. I have to wait till next Wednesday till I can visit a pharmacy.
I just. Hate. This. Most awful is that I don't have anyone with whom I could talk about this all. Sucks.
[Discussion] Which scale should I trust??
/u/sicsicsickkk
Created: Thu Sep 27 09:46:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jdzon/which_scale_should_i_trust/
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We have two scales in my home. One is digital that we all use and I have an analog one that I’ve had for years secretly. I got it like 5 years ago when I was slipping really deep into my disorders. I’ve recently been slipping back into my old habits and have been really enjoying the support this community has to offer so I thought I would ask for your opinion! The analog scale says I weight about 4-5 pounds less than my digital scale. My digital this morning said 116 but my analog one looks very close to 110. I don’t really know which one to trust because that is a pretty large difference. Any opinions are welcome!!
Hope you lovelies are having a great day :)
Holy shit I want to cry
/u/peacecorpsquestion3 [5’6 | 112]
Created: Thu Sep 27 09:32:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jdvcu/holy_shit_i_want_to_cry/
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im an art student. we have a portrait assignment. we got in partners and took photos. fuck guys, I’m hideous. it’s easy to make yourself look good in a selfie but fuck irl? With other people taking pictures of you? in black and white? I want to die. I’ll never be pretty no matter how skinny I get
[Discussion] No period for a year
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 95 | 17 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Thu Sep 27 09:25:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jdtar/no_period_for_a_year/
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Is this something I should see the doctor about? I mean - I know why. Lol. I haven’t had my period since September of last year. It stopped and just never came back. I know it’s because of my weight loss and now probably just because of not great eating habits - but is this something serious or something that’s ok to just accept? I know you’re not doctors but just figured I’d ask for your experiences ❤️
[Rant/Rave] My waist is only 4 inches smaller than my husband’s 😭
/u/justiceforRandyMeeks
Created: Thu Sep 27 09:14:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jdptc/my_waist_is_only_4_inches_smaller_than_my_husbands/
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Been lurking for a while, finally created an account to post. Long rant ahead because I’ve never talked to anyone about this before, so sorry y’all.
Last night my husband and I were talking about healthy weights, how the BMI scale is flawed especially when you get to people who are very tall or very short, etc. He was looking stuff up and oh boy turns out your waist measurement can help calculate your BMI and “ideal weight” more accurately! He immediately ran to get the tape measure.
I was feeling good yesterday, down a pound from the day before, hadn’t eaten much and what I did eat was mostly veggies. So I joined the fun of measuring. He measures his waist - 33 inches. He measures mine - 29 inches. He is a 6’1” male who is v v v v healthy who works out and eats at healthy rates and I am a 5’3” female who has been starving herself and drinking coffee like it’s my job to suppress my hunger and burning as many calories as possible and yet my waist is only 4 inches smaller????? How does this happen???? I’m so upset.
I’m not upset at him. He doesn’t know. He knows I “have an unhealthy relationship with food” but he’s never suspected it reaches ED territory. He doesn’t know that in the months before our wedding I only ate 800 calories per day because I was so stressed about what I’d look like in my wedding dress. I’ve been good at keeping it from him.
But last night I got so upset I couldn’t fall asleep and then when I finally did I just had nightmares. Today I’m back to drinking a shit ton of coffee and just stressing over the fact that my waist is so f***ing huge. Idk what the point of even posting this was except I needed to just TELL SOMEONE how mad I am that my waist is 29 inches.
tl;dr - my waist is 29 inches and I am upset thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Lets talk coffee
/u/ie63
Created: Thu Sep 27 09:06:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jdnd3/lets_talk_coffee/
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Okay so I love my coffee as many of you do but i cannot drink it black... if im not gunna eat I want yummy coffee 😂.. anyways previously i was doing keto so I was using 2 equal sugar + 2tbsp heavy whipping cream in my coffee.. i want to find something with less calories..
What do you guys use?!
Fucking Panda Express
/u/HufflePuff_Badg3r
Created: Thu Sep 27 08:59:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jdl1x/fucking_panda_express/
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Fuck panda express. It's one of the few affordable options on campus. And there are hardly any low-cal options.
[Tip] How to avoid a late night binge (inspired by my comment on another post)
/u/exgfbff [5'9 | 144lb | -3lb | GW: 130 | 26F]
Created: Thu Sep 27 08:50:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jdihu/how_to_avoid_a_late_night_binge_inspired_by_my/
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This is just a tip I wanted to share in a post of it's own, because it's a trick I've used for a long time that helps me a lot and I hope it can help you as well!
​
If I have a craving to eat something late at night, I will make myself paint my nails before I eat anything. I bought a bunch of different OPI colors and top coat that take a while to dry and I really don't want to mess up. This makes me have to wait at least half an hour to an hour to touch anything which usually is enough time for my craving to subside. Try shooting for an extra coat of paint or top coat to make it last longer!
just need to let off some steam and vent. im truly at my limit.
/u/sunglowfox [>5ft | cw: 💔]
Created: Thu Sep 27 08:39:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jdfim/just_need_to_let_off_some_steam_and_vent_im_truly/
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long time lurker, first time posting. i just want it all to end. the daily panic attacks. the horror i feel after i eat more than i logged for the day. the gut wrenching anxiety when invited out for food. pre-logging meals and then still going over tdee even though weight gain is the one thing i fear more than life itself. accepting my disgusting body and that i'll never be happy. living in baggy clothes during the heat because i cant stand the physical feeling of my body. avoiding showers and smelling because i dont want to see myself naked. summer snacking and "intuitive eating" dragged me from my ugw to this stupid hideous awful couple pounds heavier me, having a very small frame meaning even if i gain one fucking pound it shows and i feel it. being screamed 'get help' whenever i try to confide in friends about the troubles i'm facing but nobody understands. wanting to throw the entire contents of my fridge and freezer in the trash because i hate my roomie's trigger foods making me succumb into snacking on them. 'but just don't eat them then?' even though i know i'll feel so much worse after a bite and then two and then half a tub, i can't stop. so then begins the fasting, the irritation, the days spent in self-inflicted depressed agony over the mistakes i've made with food. i just feel so miserable and alone and want it to end i can't take it any more. my heart is shattered into a thousand fucking pieces over how i've let myself become this, how i'll never love how i look, how i can't stop fucking eating then restricting then eating and my child-sized clothes are tight and i just don't want to live. i don't want to live. i can't do this.
[Rant/Rave] “Why are you so healthy?”
/u/purgeatory-
Created: Thu Sep 27 08:34:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jde16/why_are_you_so_healthy/
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I go to the gym every morning for a couple hours. Colleagues see me eat nothing but salads and lean meats. “Why are you so healthy?” they say “I wish I had your willpower” they lament. They think I’m this beacon of health, but I’m actually slowly killing myself. The cherry on top: I work in health care and I still have them all fooled. I genuinely don’t know whether to laugh or cry at this ‘accomplishment’. But I know you’ll all understand this confusing predicament. Thanks for listening.
[Other] Got mad at my boyfriend while I was asleep because food
/u/onepostforme
Created: Thu Sep 27 08:20:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jd9x4/got_mad_at_my_boyfriend_while_i_was_asleep/
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I've been restricting pretty hard lately. I'm also a very active sleeper, I move around in strange ways, have PTSD nightmares, talk in my sleep, and occasionally sleep walk. My boyfriend has lived with me for a while now and it's normal for us to laugh about the newest and strangest things I do in my sleep. The other night though I did something I hadn't done before.
As many of us here know, sometimes when we are restricting we have dreams about food. Well I had a dream I was making a salad. When I make my food I have to weigh and log everything and then wash all the dishes before I can take my food to my room and eat it. Lately that means he makes and eats his food while I'm prepping mine and tbh I feel insecure about that like I'm taking too long (yes we have talked about it and of course he said it's not a problem). So during this dream of making a salad I decided that her badgered me about how long I was taking. I rolled over towards his side of the bed and facing him with my eyes closed, said something in a very angry tone about how he wasn't helping me and to just put this back in the fridge and get the salt and the vinegar for me. I then realized I was dreaming, let out a deep frustrated sigh about how I got all worked up over dream food, turned away from him and fell back asleep. I was totally unaware that I said anything out loud so that was a fun conversation.
And that's the story of how I scared my boyfriend because I was dreaming fake ridicule about how quickly I can prepare a salad.
[Help] MAYDAY Starbucks is telling me my almond milk misto is 110 calories
/u/mormoninquisition [5’3 F| CW 122.3 | BMI 22.14 | SW 137.5]
Created: Thu Sep 27 08:06:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jd62b/mayday_starbucks_is_telling_me_my_almond_milk/
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That can’t be right! Is just coffee and a cup of almond milk!! Does anyone know if they use different almond milk?? Should I trust the app or the separate ingredients??
Day is slightly ruined. Starbucks strikes again.
Advice for faking weight gain?
/u/ZygomaticArdvark [5'2" | 102.6 | BMI 18.7 | F16]
Created: Thu Sep 27 07:52:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jd22c/advice_for_faking_weight_gain/
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I have to weigh in at my therapy appointment every week, and if I've lost weight this week then she's going to recommend me to a more intensive program (which I absolutely don't want). I've probably lost 1-2 lbs this week, any advice for faking it?
My appointment is tomorrow and my current plan is to load up on salty food today and drink less water than normal to maximize water retention, and then chug water right before my appointment in the afternoon on Friday. I don't want to do anything easily discovered like carrying weights in my pockets.
Has anyone had success faking their weight when they have to step on the scale?
[Rant/Rave] Excited about being alone all day because I get to fast!!
/u/alienatkerba
Created: Thu Sep 27 07:37:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jcxut/excited_about_being_alone_all_day_because_i_get/
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Good morning! I'm so happy because my team is working remotely today and I just found out my husband is working late so there will be noone around offering food and expecting me to eat it at all today! Water, coffee, and diet Coke all. Day. Long!! Honestly this feels like such a treat.
Just wanted to share with people who might understand my excitement..!
[Rant/Rave] So Mad At Myself!
/u/kit1289
Created: Thu Sep 27 07:33:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jcwms/so_mad_at_myself/
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I have been doing really well now that I am finally back on my way of eating and restricting again. I was keeping my calories below 1200, walking daily, and losing weight. Last night my partner and I hosted our weekly game night. Usually I am able to control myself, but the person bringing food brought a lasagna that I could eat (Low cal, made with veggies, no noodles). So I felt I had to have a small piece, well that ended up in me having a second piece, and then binging on my snacks I usually have. The morning I had gained 3.6 lbs. I know that this is not all fat and mostly water weight, but the number is so discouraging. After I hit 1300 I stopped entering into my fitness pal (denial). If I think about it, I probably had around 2400 cals (which is around my TDEE) so I know that I could not have logically gained all of that weight, but I feel bloated from all the salt and food that I am not used to. I am going to just start today fresh, but that is hard for me. The last time I had a binge, I said fuck it and feel off the wagon for 2 months. I am working to change this view and keep thinking of how I could have lost so much more weight by now if I had done this earlier and not let it derail me every time I binge, but I am just so frustrated I want to give up every time, which makes me even more angry at myself. So today I am drinking my usual coffee for breakfast and lunch and then having a small dinner.
I just needed to vent about this where other people understand that frustrations of food/eating and how much of a mental struggle it is. Thanks for Listening (reading).
​
TMI side note: I just went to the bathroom and it sure feels like I lost about 2 of those 3.6 lbs. Is it just me, or does anyone else wish they could have a scale to weigh in at work? (Yay for disordered thinking!)
[Rant/Rave] I don’t like cheat days
/u/Yoni1660
Created: Thu Sep 27 07:29:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jcvnz/i_dont_like_cheat_days/
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I had my first cheat day yesterday because it was date night. I still didn’t eat until the date and even during the date I couldn’t let myself go. I had three macarons but only ate half of each. I got a cup of leek soup instead of a bowl. I did have half a baguette and half a bottle of wine later though. I gained a pound. I don’t think cheat days are worth it and I doubt it’ll be a regular thing.
[Rant/Rave] Seriously wanna kermit cmao
/u/conuretrash [5'3.5''| 20 F | CW 148 | GW 115| -42 |]
Created: Thu Sep 27 07:24:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jcu3u/seriously_wanna_kermit_cmao/
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I failed two quizzes due to a lack of sleep and horrible nutrition- I know l the information but I blanked mentally. I could answer these questions in my sleep. I’m so angry and upset I feel like an idiot because only an idiot would fail these quizzes. I wanna die I HATE COLLEGE!!!!!!!! seriously I hate it but I need a degree.
Why do I bother anymore
/u/sammy_leigh
Created: Thu Sep 27 07:18:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jcsmn/why_do_i_bother_anymore/
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Hiii so this is my first time posting here...but I need to vent.
(A little about me - I've been struggling pretty badly with an ED since 2012. Ive been to treatment and all that blah blah..but recently I've been declining and slipping back into everything again..I'm just too tired and tbh idk if I even wanna recover or if I can)
Anyway, so I knew that my bf looks at pictures of other girls, but recently I found out that is basically ALL hot skinny girls..ones much much smaller and prettier than me. Like I will never look like that. What a great fucking feeling right?
I just feel like no matter what I do, what I put myself through...I'll never be skinny/pretty enough for myself or ANYONE. I always feel disgusting and awful. So i might as well just keep on sinking deeper. I will be thin.
My birthday is in 1 month and I want to be 15 lbs lighter. I'll get there..this whole thing just pushed me even more to do so.
Sorry for the vent :(
I think my GF has an eating disorder. What can I do and say when I know she's not eating?
/u/MrHuggz
Created: Thu Sep 27 07:13:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jcr2k/i_think_my_gf_has_an_eating_disorder_what_can_i/
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I try to remind her that she's beautiful a lot and that I dont care if she were to ever get fat and I'd still love and care for her but she sometimes just doesn't eat and then comes up with an excuse like "I forgot". She pukes it out a lot but says she her stomach cant handle it, I'm still not sure if it's on purpose or genuine. Any advice I'd appreciate.
My body will never look how I want
/u/HellaGayThrowaway [5'10"|CW:207|SW:225|GW:150|NB21]
Created: Thu Sep 27 07:10:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jcqcj/my_body_will_never_look_how_i_want/
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Even if I make it to my GW. Even if I drop down to 130 or 120. Even if I work out enough to be toned all over and get rid of the fat that always sits around the bottom of my stomach. I'm covered in stretch marks. Legs, arms, and especially my boobs and all over my sides and front of my stomach. I have a new stretch mark over my left hip bone that cropped up in my balloon up to 235 6 months ago. I used to like my hip bones but now I feel that stupid stretch mark. Beyond the issues brought on by all my weight cycling, my legs are also covered in scars thanks to my serious self harm problem from when I was 14 - 18. I can't wear shorts without announcing to the world, "Hey! I'm a freak! Look at the hundreds of cuts all along my thighs! Look at where I've carved 'fat', and 'ugly', and 'worthless' into my skin! Look at me!" I can barely even roll up the bottom of my skinny jeans without showing a burn scar or two at the bottom of my calf. All I want is to be able to wear crop tops and shorts like all the cute (and usually skinny) girls I see. Christ, I'm not even a girl, but I just want to be like them so maybe I can feel a little bit better about myself.
[Discussion] Has anyone else noticed that people with EDs tend to date jerks?
/u/alwaysrelapsing17
Created: Thu Sep 27 07:08:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jcpxx/has_anyone_else_noticed_that_people_with_eds_tend/
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This is something really weird and probably mildly offensive to some, so I’m sorry. This doesn’t come from a place of judgement.
I noticed a lot of people on here (and people I know with EDs irl) are dating real jerks. I’ve dated real jerks too. Like, 9/10 times when someone brings up an SO, it’s about how they cheated or they judge you for your weight even when they know your ED or just say mean things in general.
Just cause we’re unhealthy doesn’t mean we have to end up in unhealthy relationships. I’ve made this mistake too, but being single is better than being unhappy with a shit person. Don’t let people treat you like shit.
Struggling, need low cal go to foods to stop binging on crap ughhh
/u/Wontquittilfit
Created: Thu Sep 27 06:38:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jci4z/struggling_need_low_cal_go_to_foods_to_stop/
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My weight keeps going up and down, it’s like I’ll be near where I want to be then bam binge ugh.
I’m 5’4 148 lbs :(
What are some low calorie go to foods?
Is anyone else Forever Alone™ because of their ED/dysmorphia?
/u/linedryonly [5'5"♀| CW 135 | SW 145 | LW 102 | GW 110]
Created: Thu Sep 27 06:36:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jchlf/is_anyone_else_forever_alone_because_of_their/
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I've been single and out of the dating pool for the past 6 years in large part because I feel like a disgusting cow. I feel so ashamed of my appearance that I feel like no one could ever realistically be attracted to me- even though I'm a 'normal'/'healthy' BMI and have good hygiene. I've been single and hiding my body for so long that I literally don't know how to let people near me. I honestly so badly crave physical and emotional intimacy but I don't see that ever being a possibility.
DAE shut themselves off from love and sex because of their dysmorphia? Has anyone been able to get past it?
Anybody seen this in the news?
/u/tthisiswhy
Created: Thu Sep 27 06:27:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jcf8i/anybody_seen_this_in_the_news/
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https://imgur.com/U9olFQ9
[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support September 27, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Sep 27 06:11:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jcbfu/weekly_emotional_support_september_27_2018/
---
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.
Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.
**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**
*****
Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! September 27, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Sep 27 06:10:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jcb50/daily_food_diary_september_27_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for September 27, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
Libra used to have a diet plan line, now it doesn't. Any other app recommendations?
/u/letstryforkarma [6 ft | 260 lb | 32% BF | Male]
Created: Thu Sep 27 05:46:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jc5ho/libra_used_to_have_a_diet_plan_line_now_it_doesnt/
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I've wanted to set some eating rules for myself based on if I am following the downward trend for weight loss on track. Libra doesn't show that line on my phone anymore.
Any other recommendations where you can see the weight loss line you should be following?
[Goal] Attempting my first ever liquid fast... Ahhh
/u/BigFrameSkinnyAddict
Created: Thu Sep 27 05:36:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jc3bm/attempting_my_first_ever_liquid_fast_ahhh/
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Ive been doing really bad this week... So I decided to liquid fast today... I'm probably going to fail yikesssd
[Rant/Rave] my parents know and i hate it
/u/seeyasis
Created: Thu Sep 27 05:17:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jbyzk/my_parents_know_and_i_hate_it/
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this is going to be long because i don’t talk to anyone else about my ed so here we go teehee!!!
i talked to my counsellor about my ed and then had to get obs and then she told my parents blah blah if you want to read about that there is a complaining post i prepared earlier 😗
now when i’m at home i feel even more self conscious about my restricting, as i’m scared my parents will force me to eat. to avoid this i’ve tried to make my own safe meals as i usually do and eat away from them so they won’t judge me. however, i also don’t want them to be concerned and i just want them to leave it alone, so the past two days i’ve eaten dinner that they’ve prepared for me. when i start eating though, i don’t stop, and even went back for SECONDS!!! so on top of my “safe” eating, i’m also eating a large dinner. i’ve never been this bloated in my life. i’m seriously expecting to stand on the scale in the morning and weigh at least 4kgs heavier.
my counsellor told me that i have an eating disorder but haven’t lost enough weight to be classed as anorexic, and also told my parents about my purging. because of this they don’t understand what the problem is. i’m not labelled anorexic or bulimic, so they say i just have a “LITTLE EATING DISORDER” and i SCREAM
they aren’t understanding in the slightest and i don’t have the energy to let them in. i’m angry enough at my counsellor for telling them considering i don’t feel i’m in a place where i’m actively at risk, and now my safe place is the worst place to be. restricting finally felt like the easiest thing in the world but now i feel like i’m eating constantly. i feel like i’ve lost control of the one thing i could control.
Purged for the first time. Long story. Failed. Feel like a fraud.
/u/Ednasucks [180cm | CW 75kg | BMI 23 | Lost: 53kg | F]
Created: Thu Sep 27 05:00:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jbv8x/purged_for_the_first_time_long_story_failed_feel/
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Tl/Dr failing at recovery and restriction and now purging
I don't even think it was a binge before. I had a bowl of Chinese food (garlic chicken and friend rice) 4 mini spring rolls and some prawn chips.
My therapist had been accidentally unhelpful the other week when I was happy to report I let down some restriction rules regarding food. And she responded with is that what a healthy person would do. Is that a healthy breakfast food. Not trying to shame you or make you feel guilty we are just trying to get you into making healthy choices and this feels like you are going too far the other way which is the nature of eds to go to extremes.
Of course now this means I feel horrendously guilty when I don't eat but also guilty when I do eat too. Wonderful.
I was struggling since then and went back to low restricting (300-500) with a couple of higher days (900-1200). Then the weekend happened. Didn't eat anything other than a punnet of strawberries and then ended up having a bunch of chips at a party. And of course some one comments 'wow you're really digging those chips'. Fucking great. Then I hosted a dinner that a bunch of people bailed on ruining all enjoyment of the food. But dw they cancelled with not enough time for me to call dinner off so I ate. Sunday I had a date and didn't want to be weighing out our food so I just hoped for the best and didn't eat until Thursday morning. Of course I then ate a slice of cake and some cookies. Figured I could just not eat until Saturday to be safe and got a massive craving for the aforementioned Chinese. It wasn't even that good.
Feeling awful and alone I tried to throw it up. I forgot from my brief flirtation with purging a few years ago about how long it takes. I barely have a gag reflex (guys gal's and non binary pals she's still single). I got maybe a 1/4 of it up before giving up.
I feel like a fake. My doctor calls it anorexia but I'm not underweight. I usually average 900-1300 a day. I'm 2kg from my goal weight. I'm the smallest I've been in years. I'm a size 10 aus (I think that's a size 6 in America?). But it's not enough. I can't restrict. I can't purge. I didn't really binge I just gave into a craving and ate a reasonable amount. Didnt even get seconds. I'm not sick I'm just a dieting fraud.
Fucking hell I love taste but hate eating
/u/HonestSpeak
Created: Thu Sep 27 04:43:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jbrlh/fucking_hell_i_love_taste_but_hate_eating/
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I recommend fun dip if you relate to the title, 45 calories per pack.
Even the slightest restriction makes me binge
/u/titiparisienne
Created: Thu Sep 27 03:50:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jbgwq/even_the_slightest_restriction_makes_me_binge/
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I've been stuck in more or less the same binge cycle for a year now, and I've gained a ton. I feel so FAT and I can't stand to see myself in the mirror at this weight.
Mentally, I've relapsed hard. I'm back to all my old habits—fidgeting as much as possible, choosing the 11 kcal thing over the 14 kcal thing that I actually prefer, eating everything with coffee spoons the size of my pinky nail...
But I can't. Stop. Binging.
Every time I make any sort of progress, it's like my brain goes into red alert—starvation! *Restriction* is my binge trigger. My stupid brain is so paranoid of being deprived for one minute longer, because back when I was losing all the weight, I kept myself going by promising myself that I would never have to feel deprived again once I reached my gw.
How the hell do I get back on track now?
The basics of calories
/u/Phasianida
Created: Thu Sep 27 03:34:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jbdy2/the_basics_of_calories/
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So I am new to my ED, only a few months in, and I want to learn the basics of how many calories are maintenance per day and how my intake matches up. Today I have eaten 568.5 and I want to know more about what that means. Can anyone explain to me how calories work?
[Discussion] i want to isolate myself to lose more weight
/u/deadgirlaesthetic
Created: Thu Sep 27 02:30:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jb2ji/i_want_to_isolate_myself_to_lose_more_weight/
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i feel that whenever i go out with my friends every night, i feel so happy that idrc about eating. of course i beat myself up for it but it keeps getting easier and easier to eat and i hate it. i come home and have mental breakdowns. and almost want to kick myself back into a depression so i can lose weight? idk im fucked up
[Rant/Rave] i hate wasting food
/u/itsaani [Height | CW | BMI | Weight Lost | Gender]
Created: Thu Sep 27 02:24:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jb1nq/i_hate_wasting_food/
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my dad is always thinking of me and buying food / soft drinks for me or bringing something for me when he goes out to eat and it melts my heart but i physically cant eat it. coming from an asian family, throwing food away (especially rice) is a big no-no and i dont have the heart do that but i just cant eat it. i’ve tried to talk to him but he wont listen and encourages me to eat.
most of the food he gets me i end up feeding it to the stray dogs in the area so that they can be fed but i just feel so badddd
[Discussion] What are some rules that you make for yourself?
/u/fiyacht524 [5'6" |CW 50.5kg |BMI 17.89 | GW:48kg| Female]
Created: Thu Sep 27 02:11:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jazf2/what_are_some_rules_that_you_make_for_yourself/
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I set myself some pretty specific/strange rules when it comes to eating.
For example, if I accidentally binge at any stage, I have to exercise everyday for the next week. If I eat more than the planned amount of my favorite snack, I'm not allowed have that snack for a month.
Anyone else have any self-imposed rules like this? (Besides the normal 'restricting' rules?)
Being tall
/u/Bitchmcmuffin
Created: Thu Sep 27 01:55:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jawmt/being_tall/
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Being tall
(TW?? Maybe not suitable for people insecure about their height)
Some reasons why I d not like being tall...
...weighing as much as a healthy medium height dude would still be considered a healthy weight ( I try to stay under 62 kilograms because most dudes at least in my country do not weigh less ). The thought of being the same volume as an adult man makes me feel so uncomfortable and horrible.
Also , if I get am under 128 Pounds it is already considered underweight for my height (like what??? 128???) I generally feel very huge next to others. I would not even mind being average weight if I also was average weight (at least I think so, always been very tall. Being tall was the main trigger for my ed)
If I eat under 1000 cals I feel light headed every time I stand up. ( I am an undisciplined cow so eating "so much" will lead to me bingeing and bingeing more, so I prefer to eat veeeery little when I am actually restricting.)
My shoulders are naturally wider than those of a 5 foot girl (which is why they are also the part of me that I am most insecure about, generally the upper part of my upper body, cause fat arms, back fat and way to big boobs)
Clothes never fit, either they are lose or to short
I guess there also must be advantages of being tall, like being able to eat more and maintain, most girls get jealous ( I get jealous of them too haha), some men being intimidated by you( is not always and advantage , but at least for me only creepyish guys feel provoced by my height, I never had a problem regarding dates and stuff)
Okay so I wanna know how other tall people feel about their height/ or what you think about us 'giants' as a short or medium height individual.
i hope I did not insult anyone.
Feeling small in large clothes vs. feeling fat in small clothes?
/u/MsFaceless [176cm | CW 58kg | BMI 18.3 | GW 50kg | 28F]
Created: Thu Sep 27 01:52:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jaw9b/feeling_small_in_large_clothes_vs_feeling_fat_in/
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Hi everyone, just wondering what you guys prefer?
Would you rather buy clothes deliberately too big for you and feel small in them?
Or buy clothes that fit well or too tight in order to feel fat and motivate yourself to lose more?
I really hate when clothes are tight on me, so I normally buy larger clothes so I can look small in them.
[Rant/Rave] My body type kind of prevents me from being healthy
/u/PutinsThirdLover [173cm | 52kg | 17.37 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 27 01:43:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jaulj/my_body_type_kind_of_prevents_me_from_being/
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Okay, okay, this has just been bothering me lately, because I have the relatively classic ‘apple shape’ – so I store fat on my stomach, upper back, neck (?!), and boobs, but have relatively thin legs and arms, but my best friend gains muscle super easily, and stores it in all the ‘right’ areas. And it just annoys the fuck out of me, because I have to be underweight, or borderline in order to look remotely appealing naked, while she eats whatever she wants, weighs like, ten kilograms more than me, and still looks better.
And I feel as if my body were the same it would be so much easier to be free of a food obsession, counting calories, etc, because I’d have this safety margin in which I could gain weight.
Just a little rant/vent.
(Flare is out of date, by the way, restrictive eating morphed into bulimia and weight gain with a sprinkling of self loathing. Whoop whoop!)
[Discussion] Do you focus on weight or on measurement?
/u/InBetweenTheLies [5'8.5 | 125.8 | 18.6 | -11]
Created: Thu Sep 27 01:28:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jartf/do_you_focus_on_weight_or_on_measurement/
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Basically what it says in the title. I generally focus on weight because I feel somehow it's what translates best to the rest of the world.
However I was doubting some recent weight loss and decided to measure my waist for giggles and I'm down half an inch (to 25 inches) which makes the weight on the scale feel more real.
I don't know. Do you do only one? Both? Something else?
[Tip] Oh shit
/u/asiaticlily [5’10 | 134.4 | 19 | -47 lbs | F22]
Created: Thu Sep 27 01:03:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jan1o/oh_shit/
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Its 3am... and I just realized that I’ve lost my thigh gap once I just body checked myself... I’ve been eating more, and going to the gym more consistently over the past 2 weeks, so like, objectively, I know it’s probably a good thing for me to lose the gap because it means I’m gaining some thigh muscle/actually eating.. but because my muscle mass is horrible and I was low restricting sooooo badly I finally got the thigh gap for like a week...I want it back. I feel like I’m an an impasse here... enjoy being in the upper 130s... or go back to lower 130s with my thigh gap.. this sucks. Fml.
Back bones starting to come through
/u/pinkribbon007
Created: Thu Sep 27 00:56:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jalod/back_bones_starting_to_come_through/
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https://i.redd.it/7wewhgpgbqo11.jpg
[Discussion] DAE
/u/getfreefromfood
Created: Thu Sep 27 00:55:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jalht/dae/
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Switch from bulimia to BED? I feel like that’s the path I’ve been on since “recovering” from bulimia. I stopped purging but didn’t learn to control my binging and now I literally have stretch marks from gaining weight so fast. I hate myself. So now I’ve gone back to laxs 🙃 just bought a new pack for the first time in months. I miss mia. At least then I was a normal weight and fit in all of my clothing.
[Help] Stuck on GW1 for weeks
/u/Ednosonline
Created: Thu Sep 27 00:49:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jakbi/stuck_on_gw1_for_weeks/
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How have you gotten past plateaus? I've been on the same weight for 5 days now, and not really gone anywhere much in weeks. This includes Cheat days (I am doing vegetarian keto) and days with not much food at all. Getting really frustrated and unmotivated ;_;
[Rant/Rave] Almost in the 120’s
/u/Coldcoffeepls
Created: Thu Sep 27 00:42:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jaj4p/almost_in_the_120s/
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Ugh I’m literally so happy because I think I might be able to break into the 120’s by the end of the month and wow it feels good. Currently I’m at 130.9 and I’m so so close I can almost feel it. Also I worked out with my friend today and she told me I’m looking tiny, which I don’t think so, but it was still nice to hear, it’s so fun blaming my ed habits as a lack of time to eat (partially true + I haven’t been grocery shopping until today). Anyways I’m hoping to leave 130 behind.
[Other] god i love myself
/u/iamacrazycatlady
Created: Thu Sep 27 00:25:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jafyi/god_i_love_myself/
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i passed out on a hiking trip today because i didn’t eat breakfast and so i was forced to eat a clif bar (kms) then decided to run 4 miles at the gym 2 hours later to make up for it :-)
[Discussion] Nauseous while eating
/u/AllFamiliar [5’3” | CW: 107 lbs | BMI: 18.93 | UGW: 97 lbs | F]
Created: Thu Sep 27 00:01:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9jabi4/nauseous_while_eating/
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Sometimes when i’m eating i’ll take a few bites and even though i’m not full as soon as the food hits my mouth I feel like i’m going to throw up and have to stop eating because the feeling won’t go away. Does anyone else experience this and is this an ED related behavior or could it just be my GI issues? I feel so weird for it happening but maybe it’s just my subconscious trying to restrict?
[Rant/Rave] All I want to do is lose weight. I hate it.
/u/ScreamingNed
Created: Wed Sep 26 23:49:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ja90n/all_i_want_to_do_is_lose_weight_i_hate_it/
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I am too scared to tell my therapist what is going on. We have our first meeting in about 6 months tomorrow. So much has happened in those 6 months.
Numbers revolve my life. I hate that I want to lose weight. I hate hating myself. I’m so sick of it. DAE feel this?):
Thank you
I get sick when I see/smell food I used to binge on.
/u/PsychologicalRain0
Created: Wed Sep 26 23:44:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ja84e/i_get_sick_when_i_seesmell_food_i_used_to_binge_on/
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I'm nowhere near treatment, I'm terrified of anyone finding out. I know I need help, I know I need to tell someone. But I'm still in semi-denial and at this point, I don't know where to start.
So please don't recommend therapy, because I *know*.
I've been struggling with my ED for about two years but it only got bad a few months ago. I don't even really binge anymore, I just purge. As a matter of fact, food I used to heavily binge on makes me sick.
Like, actually physically sick. I feel nauseous and end up throwing up without forcing it.
Has anyone else experienced this?
[Rant/Rave] I hate my shape
/u/littlelivethings
Created: Wed Sep 26 23:39:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ja72l/i_hate_my_shape/
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I know I'm fat. I've always been self conscious about my body, particularly my lower belly overhang. I had it even when I was a size 4. I thought my body looked weird because I lost weight and muscle too fast with my ED. Now I'm a 10/12, and it's like, all the other problems are illuminated. My shape is not better with more muscle and losing weight more slowly. My arms are huge. My thighs are much bigger than they've ever been (and I've been as big as a size 14). I'm 5'1 and sort of hourglassy, but I'm very short waisted, and the narrow part of my waist is above my belly button, and half the time my 34DDD breasts swallow my waist. I have a flared ribcage, so no matter how thin I am, I always look like my bra band is digging into me.
I had this freak out today because I'm figuring out my Halloween costume, and I am very particular about making sure I don't dress as someone thin because it feels like a hoax. I'm going with silent film star theda bara (as cleopatra, of course). We have a similar body type, or at least I thought. I googled her measurements--33, 28, 38. And just, ugh. I'm bigger than her, which I knew, but not by all that much. 31 inch waist, 41 inch hips. I know I can lose at least another inch by Halloween. But. Oh my god. My breasts/ribcage just seem so huge in comparison. 40 inches. I've never had smaller than a 36-inch bust. And that was pre birth control. I still wore a D cup but at least I was petite and perky enough to go braless. I am an idiot for thinking that I could do a daring stick-on bra thing for Halloween. I will be a droopy mess and everyone will see my weird ribcage and wide, weirdly shaped breasts.
What's crazy is that I was feeling up enough on my body to pick this costume. But now I feel miserable. I wish I was more pear shaped with more waist. I've been doing pole dancing, which I love, but it's part of why my muscles have gotten bigger. I know I need to be stronger to get better, but then I see all these tiny fit women sooo much more advanced than I am. And it feels so unfair. I know I won't progress much farther if I don't expose more skin, but the idea of bearing anything below the smallest part of my waist is terrifying. What if my bottoms slip below my belly? Or fall off altogether? And I just can't do braless or low support bras because I fall all over the place. But of course my heavy duty sports bras highlight my weird rib cage and back fat.
I just....ugh. I've been working so hard to lose weight without relapsing. But my brain is a disaster. I'm objectively fat and don't carry it well but people don't run away screaming when they see me so I know part of it just be dysmorphia. But it's so impossible to tell. And I hate that I fixate on every wrong thing.
Struggling
/u/Poopburb
Created: Wed Sep 26 23:38:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ja6y0/struggling/
---
I’ve been doing so good. Down 8 pounds in 14 days. I’m keeping my calorie daily limit at 700 and doing a 500 calorie workout daily.
I can’t help dreaming of rewarding myself with just oneeeeee big amazing meal. Like a juicy burger or a whole burrito from chipotle.
I know that if I ate it I would end up purging and I am trying to stop doing that. I’m also terrified that if I end up eating a meal like that I’m going to gain 5 pounds and become such a failure. Ughhhhh
What’s up with YouTube Cheat days & Donuts???
/u/ketokitty13
Created: Wed Sep 26 23:21:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ja3iy/whats_up_with_youtube_cheat_days_donuts/
---
Why are all of the cheat day/food challenge vloggers on Youtube ALWAYS pounding donuts? Am I missing something?? It’s so common!!!?
(I post this here bc i knowwwww ya’ll watch these too lol!!)
[Rant/Rave] Hahah this disorder makes no sense
/u/fccg12
Created: Wed Sep 26 23:13:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ja1y4/hahah_this_disorder_makes_no_sense/
---
This summer I relapsed and lost about 40lbs. Fit into all my old clothes and bought cute new ones!
Couldn’t wait to get back to school so my friends would notice and I would have so many cute outfits to go out in and feel hot when I go out.
Buuuut every social outing apparently involves food so I say no to everything and have done less since I got back to school than I ever have.
I want to enjoy my body now but everything always has to be about food why can’t people do anything without food.
Also all of my friends are just concerned and watching me closely and I hate it. If I get one more comment about how much weight I’ve lost I’m never going to stop crying
Why am I like this
[Rant/Rave] congratulations, i played myself
/u/isaezraa [165 | cw 53 | gw 50 |16 f | ]
Created: Wed Sep 26 23:03:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j9zwj/congratulations_i_played_myself/
---
so i asked my dad if we could go out to this restaurant tonight since i could tell he was getting sus and i had enough calories left over to get something “normal”, but he said no because itd be too much effort and like fair enough thats a mood, so i ate 160 cals as a snack because now i had the room
or so i fucking thought
i just got off the phone with him and he said that he’d probably change his mind so now i don’t have enough room to get anything and i actually want to scream
fuck my life i hate myself
[Discussion] Is Anyone Else Not Depressed?
/u/Jessica_Briefly
Created: Wed Sep 26 22:26:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j9rux/is_anyone_else_not_depressed/
---
I am not depressed, and I have an eating disorder. I see this isn't the norm, but what is normal really? Im normal to me LoL.
I have also been stuck in a binge purge cycle and even though I have been dealing with this for about 20years I have never had support like we all have here.
[Other] I used to be so upset when a restaurant would skimp on the amount of food they give me.
/u/voteforgoats
Created: Wed Sep 26 22:25:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j9rn3/i_used_to_be_so_upset_when_a_restaurant_would/
---
Now I feel relieved that I can order a mini blizzard or some fries and have my cup filled only 2/3 of the way when it's handed to me.
TW She lost 14.5 kilograms in 16 weeks. How is that not restrictive?
/u/Gutterslutcunt
Created: Wed Sep 26 22:23:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j9r42/tw_she_lost_145_kilograms_in_16_weeks_how_is_that/
---
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-6203681/How-woman-transformed-body-just-16-weeks-WITHOUT-obsessive-exercise-restrictive-dieting.html#article-6203681
whelp.
/u/rainbowcatvomit
Created: Wed Sep 26 22:20:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j9qjq/whelp/
---
my drunk “starving” ass just ordered some pizza i can’t afford and i’m going to throw it up anyway so what the hell was the point?
do y’all do this bill shit too or is it just me
810 calories a day diet approved by Oxford. Thoughts?
/u/september2january [5’8” | CW 191| BMI 29| Lost 5lbs | F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 22:03:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j9mmu/810_calories_a_day_diet_approved_by_oxford/
---
https://www.oxfordstudent.com/2018/09/26/meal-replacements-shown-to-be-effective-for-weight-loss/
[Rant/Rave] My boyfriend told me I'll never be as skinny as his friend.
/u/PersonInTheBack
Created: Wed Sep 26 22:02:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j9mci/my_boyfriend_told_me_ill_never_be_as_skinny_as/
---
So to preface this, I'm in the middle of a terrible week. My period came (after 3 months) and I've been regularly binging and oversleeping since it started. I know it'll pass if I just wait it out and the pounds of what is probably mostly water weight anyway will come back off, but it's left me in a horrible place mentally.
This left me in a pretty awful spot to be talking about weight or food in general, and I've been trying to keep my mind off it, but during a conversation last night my boyfriend mentioned his friend and I just lost it.
I'm obsessed with his friend as thinspo. Her body is tiny and perfect and she gets comments about how tiny she is on everything she posts online and it gets in my head constantly. She's the standard I have for perfection. She's the goal I have been working for months to attain. I've lost 45 pounds since I started this and I have 10 or 15 more to go. I'm proud of how far I've come and I'm trying so hard to push myself to where I know I need to be.
So I asked him if I'm starting to look as thin as she is. I know the answer is going to be no, or some kind of "You don't need to be as skinny as her". I know that, but I just have to ask because it's consuming my thoughts.
Instead, he said "You're not as skinny as she is and you never will be. She's a vegan and she works out every day."
Honestly, I can't get it out of my head. I keep hearing the "you never will be". He knows I'm starving myself. He knows I restrict to exactly 800 calories a day and I work out every single day because of the guilt I feel from eating.
Yes I've been having a bad week as far as food goes but just to say that to me, at all, hurts me so badly. I can't stop thinking about it. I feel like a failure.
He apologized for what he said but I just can't get past the fact he said it at all. It's been eating me alive. I don't even feel like it's appropriate to bring it up because he treats it as a slip-up and that he recognizes he was wrong in saying it. But apologizing won't change how it affects me and it won't make me stop thinking about it every time I look in the mirror.
I know I shouldn't have brought it up but I just can't believe he would ever say that to me.
Me to me on a fast.
/u/justaskthebear
Created: Wed Sep 26 21:35:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j9ga8/me_to_me_on_a_fast/
---
https://i.redd.it/vgkok4gmbpo11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] getting mediocre food gets me emotional
/u/Rickticia [5'2| 124.4 lbs |23.57|-25.6|GW3:120|21F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 21:28:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j9ejd/getting_mediocre_food_gets_me_emotional/
---
I’m out with friends at a place that serves bar food that’s normally good...everything has been absolute trash. They gave us loaded fries that were burnt at all the tips, so we had to send it back to get new ones.
The new one’s cheese wasn’t melted, so I got grossed out and didn’t eat them. We got a brownie sundae for dessert, and the brownie was cold.
I feel like the smallest things about the food are triggering me. I’m honestly trying not to cry because I had been looking forward to this all day, but I just hate wasting my calories on mediocre food.
Why am I like this? I shouldn’t be so emotional over a lukewarm brownie.
[Rant/Rave] hahahaha i feel like a failure!!!!!!
/u/planetskinny
Created: Wed Sep 26 21:23:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j9dgy/hahahaha_i_feel_like_a_failure/
---
i KNOW eating disorders aren’t a competition, but sometimes i feel like they secretly are.
i’ve binged today, yesterday, and sunday. on monday, my intake was roughly 1000 calories. i usually try to keep my intake 1000 calories or less. i know for a fact that some people on eating disorder forums consume waaaay less than that and it makes me want to lower my intake. (although, i would just end up bingeing because i have no self control hahahahaha!!!!!! unlike 7th grade!!!!! lol!!!!!!!)
i just feel like i’m a failure. where did my self control go? when did my ability to restrict to 400-500 fly out the window? i know for a fact it’s there, but my failed attempt at recovery probably masked it. ugggggh.
DAE feel like feel like this? or at least resonate with any part of this? i don’t want to feel alone. /:
[Other] dae reach their initial goal weight
/u/thirteencat [5'3" | CW:107 | GW: 95 | BMI: 19 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 21:12:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j9ap6/dae_reach_their_initial_goal_weight/
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but still feel like they look like their hw?? i lost about 20 pounds but i swear my arms and waist still look as huge as before. i’m so scared that even when i reach my ugw, i won’t ever be satisfied...
Is Gatorade Zero coming back?
/u/TiSimpson87
Created: Wed Sep 26 21:12:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j9aki/is_gatorade_zero_coming_back/
---
Every store in town is officially sold out of Gatorade zero. It was awesome while it lasted. Anyone know if there going to make it a full time thing. I heard this release was a “limited run”. Anyone know how to purchase Gatorade Zero?
I got called out tonight
/u/Moonlight_Unicorn
Created: Wed Sep 26 21:09:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j99zt/i_got_called_out_tonight/
---
My husband called me out about my bulimia. He asked me who I was seeing for it. I lied and told him a therapist I am currently seeing (she doesn't know).
I cried. He told me I'm not fat. I am fat.
I'm not sure what the point of this is. I'm frustrated aND upset.
Meal plans
/u/Jwish91
Created: Wed Sep 26 21:03:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j98ih/meal_plans/
---
I’ve started recovery and am finding it tricky to eat regularly. I find I often get busy or it comes to the meal time and I’m not hungry so I just skip it etc. I’ve tried buying ready made ‘healthy’ snacks in pre portioned packets so they are safe foods that I know the calories for (such as carrot sticks and mini hummus dip tubs) but as above I’m often not hungry so I don’t eat it or I lose track of time and then it’s closer to lunch than snack so I just skip the snack etc.
Does anybody have any strategies that they found helpful to eat more regularly during the day?
[Rant/Rave] Does anyone else get paranoid while restricting/fasting that they won’t be able to fall asleep???
/u/puzzledbutton [5’0” | GW: 110 ]
Created: Wed Sep 26 21:02:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j981l/does_anyone_else_get_paranoid_while/
---
For some reason I seem to convince myself (EVEN WHEN IM GENUINELY NOT HUNGRY) if I haven’t had much to eat I won’t be able to sleep. And then I get anxious and stay up and it’s this vicious cycle?????
I can’t do melatonin because it makes me groggy. I’ve used magnesium which helps sometimes but it’s hit or miss. Usually when this happens it turns into a binge and I’m just trying to counteract it 😭😭😭
Like I had a nice like ~650 cal OMAD today. Wasn’t hungry after at all. But I still made myself a flatbread pizza for another 330 calories and ya I’m still at an ok deficit for today but I didn’t need it and im STILL up passed my bedtime like why am I like this hahaha ??????
Ugh. Just kill me now
[Help] Why wont my stomach STFU?
/u/Personal102 [17M | GW:130 | H: 6'0"| CW:160 | ]
Created: Wed Sep 26 20:49:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j94x1/why_wont_my_stomach_stfu/
---
My stomach won't stop making gurgling "digestion" noises and it's embarrassing af. When im either restricting hard or fasting the noises get worse. Could it be my large amount of artificial sweeteners I'm taking in? I drink (on average) 2 sugar free rockstars, 4 coke zeroes, 2 diet A&Ws, 2 powerade zeroes, and 2 diet ginger ales in a day lmao. I just want these stupid noises gone as they can be embarrassing when it gets quiet in class...
I’m a healthy BMI but there are days I wish I had gastric bypass.
/u/Flesh-And-Bone [Too Short | Too Fat | Too Old | Duderino]
Created: Wed Sep 26 20:39:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j92ei/im_a_healthy_bmi_but_there_are_days_i_wish_i_had/
---
It would make losing weight and staying thin so much easier. I wouldn’t have to worry and obsess over carefully planning out my meals to maximize satiety while minimizing caloric load. Nope, I could just eat whatever the hell I felt like and stay full. If I didn’t feel like eating a bag of cauliflower rice, I could just...not eat the cauliflower rice. I could live off of meat without worrying about having a pound of lettuce for a salad to go with it. I could have eggs and avocado without a bag of peppers to trick my stupid body into thinking it had lots of food.
Oh no! I'm getting better at lying!
/u/mmblarg
Created: Wed Sep 26 20:23:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j8y2w/oh_no_im_getting_better_at_lying/
---
That moment when you've been surfing proED for hours to keep you distracted from gnawing hunger and your S/O calls you to dinner then asks if you are still working on homework, and you say "yes." To which he smiles with pride and leaves you alone for the rest of the night....
I feel so good and so bad all at the same time!
Any ProED Tumblr Blogs?
/u/sakurasora [5'2 | CW: 130 | BMI 23.8 | WL: 0 | Trans FtM]
Created: Wed Sep 26 20:22:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j8xuq/any_proed_tumblr_blogs/
---
I’m trying to find some more blogs to follow for motivation and such. My blog is www.but-im-not-thin-yet.tumblr.com
[Rant/Rave] ugh
/u/impractically-me
Created: Wed Sep 26 20:11:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j8v3a/ugh/
---
i really need to sleep because ive been so sleep deprived and its really taking a toll on me. but i saw myself in the mirror before laying down and ive convinced myself that i look fat and that instead of sleeping i should work out. so now im battling myself deciding whether to sleep or work out. ugh fuck
[Rant/Rave] If only I had the same willpower when it came to schoolwork as I do when it comes to restriction
/u/andsometimesiwonder [5’1 | 108 | 20.8 | 15 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 20:07:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j8u34/if_only_i_had_the_same_willpower_when_it_came_to/
---
With food, I can tell myself no and that’ll be that. I have very strong willpower with food and I rarely binge and can keep a significant amount under my TDEE. My willpower is fueled by my
ED, yes, but it’s still very strong. When it comes to schoolwork I have 0 willpower and I can’t force myself to do anything. Maybe it’s because my ed sucks everything out of me but it’s so frustrating. If I exhibit such good willpower when it comes to food why can’t I just sit down for 30-60 minutes a day and do some basic school work instead of worrying about when to half ass my homework? DAE have the same dilemma?
Well, thank y’all for coming to my ted talk :)
[Discussion] Food log and feeling
/u/iridescentparis
Created: Wed Sep 26 20:05:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j8tk5/food_log_and_feeling/
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In the past three days I’ve eaten 16 carrots + dip, 10 cashews, 12 crackers+ cheese. Thrown up a bit of chicken tikka masala and a veg samosa (gross). I’ve worked out for two hours and taken one yoga class while walking about 3.6 Miles. I feel proud and like strong bc I’ve done it but I physically feel a bit numb
Under eye twitch?
/u/whydiepizzapie
Created: Wed Sep 26 19:51:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j8pwu/under_eye_twitch/
---
Okay so I've been low restricting (sub 300) for like a few weeks. The weight loss has been rapid. I always take a multi vitamin and drink so many electrolyte drinks. I am not yet underweight but have lost a significant amount of weight quickly. In the last few days I've developed this weird twitch under my eye. It goes away on its own and eventually comes back. Anyone experience this or have any idea what it might be or what might be causing it? It's slightly concerning to me.
[Discussion] Anyone else had a dirty house/kitchen as a child?
/u/lemonpepperfresh [5'1 | CW 117 | GW 92]
Created: Wed Sep 26 19:46:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j8ojp/anyone_else_had_a_dirty_housekitchen_as_a_child/
---
I'm just wondering if my ed stems from there. My mom never learned how to cook for us kids so my grandmother had to do it instead. My grandma has always been a dirty person... She never washes her hands, even when she goes to the bathroom. She's also really messy, so our house, and especially our kitchen, was always gross and dirty. So as a kid id be really grossed out by the food I ate... I just wish my mom would've cared about our health more, she thought a glass of coke was a good enough breakfast. That or breakfast cereals with 4 tablespoons of sugar
[Help] I can’t stop binging
/u/stalin-the-stripper [5’6” | 135lbs | 21.5 | 37lbs | F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 19:33:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j8lb8/i_cant_stop_binging/
---
I was doing so well with restricting/fasting but this last week I’ve been eating over maintenance by at least 500 cal a day, and it’s just bumming me out so much, I don’t know what to do :(
[Discussion] what do yallses think of these?
/u/pringlesbutthole [6’|F|116.1|BMI:15.1|GW:110]
Created: Wed Sep 26 19:21:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j8i9j/what_do_yallses_think_of_these/
---
https://i.redd.it/9mmu6juonoo11.jpg
Down 8 pounds in two weeks.. addicted to seeing the numbers get smaller and smaller
/u/Poopburb
Created: Wed Sep 26 19:11:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j8fpb/down_8_pounds_in_two_weeks_addicted_to_seeing_the/
---
https://i.redd.it/p5tfqs4zloo11.jpg
[Goal] 120 by 21- Update
/u/LumosErin [5'5.5" | 126? | 20.3?| GW: 115-120 | 20F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 19:03:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j8dl1/120_by_21_update/
---
It’s September 26, my 21st birthday is approximately one month from now.
I just weighed myself and I am 124.6! However I ate dinner at like 6:15 pm so give or take a pound or two.
I’m almost there! I’ve been trying so hard to be mindful when I eat at all, my bf really kind of refuses to eat clean with me (boi loves his fast food) so it’s been a struggle for a bit.
One more month to go!!! I got this!
[Rant/Rave] I just ate cake and I want to die
/u/Moose--And--Squirrel
Created: Wed Sep 26 19:00:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j8coe/i_just_ate_cake_and_i_want_to_die/
---
It's my dad's birthday and I just ate a piece of cake. It wasn't even that good. I'm just feeling awful about that. I want to go running but I have so much work to do tonight I can't. I'm just so sick of myself. Sorry. I just had to vent somewhere. Tommorow will be better.
justifying a binge like
/u/pinkdonutdemon
Created: Wed Sep 26 19:00:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j8cm2/justifying_a_binge_like/
---
https://i.redd.it/di7eykzujoo11.jpg
How does weight gain after binges work?
/u/bullymeahhh
Created: Wed Sep 26 18:56:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j8br1/how_does_weight_gain_after_binges_work/
---
I know there are 3,600 calories per pound. Say I were to binge on 3,600 calories, do I automatically gain a pound? I've done it and I don't usually gain a full pound based on the scale. Is that just water weight messing with me? Or does eating 3600 not necessarily equal gaining a whole pound?
Shout out to my school for giving me such an awesome tool
/u/TotallyNotARadar [6'1" | CW: 113 | BMI: 14.23 | F (MtF, Pre-HRT)]
Created: Wed Sep 26 18:48:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j89md/shout_out_to_my_school_for_giving_me_such_an/
---
So my school gets all their food from Sodexo, and I just learned today that they’ve finally made an app. I’ve always had a really bad time eating on campus since I couldn’t really judge well how many calories were in it other than Fitbit’s estimation and some guessing.
This app, however, is AMAZING. It lists the calories in every item and even lets you filter by dietary and calorie restrictions. That’s right, the app can be set to only show things that’ll keep you under your limit which mhmm so good. Anyways, other thing which is just awesome is every food in the app has a button which lets you instantly log calorie and nutrition info to the app.
Hell yeah!
I'm most alive when I'm Sick
/u/HausDeKittehs [5'1"| CW101.2lbs | BMI19.9 |Lost 11lbs | F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 18:46:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j8927/im_most_alive_when_im_sick/
---
I'm too old. I'm trying to make a career. All my time not working I am flipping from one addiction to another. Nicotine to alcohol. Alcohol to amphetamines. Amphetamines to severe, unapologetic depression. But no matter what, there is my eating disorder.
No matter my weight, there it is. I am addicted to addition. But NOTHING works like starving, like binging, like gaining, and like losing? Works? Why do I say works? Works on WHAT?
What is broken in me that I need this? It has NOTHING to do with appearance anymore. Maybe it did once. What does this give me? Why can't I quit? Why don't I want to?
I want to quit alcohol and nicotine. I could quit amphetamines anytime I want. But my eating disorder? Jeez, I AM my eating disorder.
I'm starting to feel like my eating disorder is blending with everything else. I'm losing control where my eating disorder used to give me control.
I am drinking so much that I am gaining weight. My eating disorder would have prevented that. But I am losing it. It's changing to just addiction. To anything. My best little measurable eating disorder.
Who the duck am I? I cant lose this career. I am trusted by this multi national company. They are investing money in me. They are sending me to other states from training. I am "high potential." I only care about my next drink and how that drink will make the scale creep up.
Wtffffff
[Discussion] What's your worst goal??
/u/canarybones
Created: Wed Sep 26 18:35:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j869t/whats_your_worst_goal/
---
I'm sure this question gets posted pretty often, but I hope it's okay to do it again :3
What's your worst/pettiest/scariest body goal or reason for being on this bullshit?
Mine is to be thinner than my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend, even tho she's no threat to me because my boyfriend refuses to even talk to her! :D :D :D
But this woman is goals. I know about her because she texted my boyfriend a while ago to try and get him back. He showed me the messages and showed me that he didn't reply, because he wanted to be transparent that he had received them - he's great! Anyway that was months ago, it was not a big deal at all, and he couldn't care less which of us is thinner.
BUT I CARE.
I look at her social media when I want to binge, she's so hot! So I can hate myself for looking at her feed and for being less hot, ahhhh!!!
[Rant/Rave] thankful my parents don’t care ab me
/u/poppybasket [5’11 | cw131 gw120 | 18.8 | 17F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 18:31:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j857r/thankful_my_parents_dont_care_ab_me/
---
if i lived with my dad who actually cares about me, he would have noticed ed symptoms. but i live with my mom and stepdad who, despite knowing that i struggle w suicidal thoughts and sh and other MI garbage, never check in on me. they only contact me to tell me to do their dishes or laundry or clean the bathrooms etc etc.
i’m hardly home anyway due to school, work, and loads of extracurriculars, and i avoid them further by going on super long walks from the time i get home until their bedtime. so i suppose they can’t be blamed for having no interest in my wellbeing because they never see me and don’t like me anyway (putting up with someone with emotional problems caused by MI is a huge chore i’ve learned.)
no, but here’s the kicker. my stepdad assumes because he never sees me eat that i must be eating loads of fast food. so he’s over here, obese and borderline diabetic, warning me that i’ll gain weight if i “keep on with the fast food habit.” ??? yes watch out u/poppybasket if you continue this extremely high calorie diet of pepsi max and ice cubes you’ll turn into squidward on that ep of spongebob where he is locked in a vault of krabby patties. please, the irony is too delicious.
anyway, yeah, the uninvolved ‘parenting style’ that i once hated and considered selfish is now my secret keeper + encouragement. whodathunk.
Why does it seem like a lot of people with EDs are vegetarian/vegan?
/u/bpurly [5'8 | CW: 160 | GW: 145 | UGW: 135 | 19F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 18:12:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j806d/why_does_it_seem_like_a_lot_of_people_with_eds/
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I want to open this post by saying I'm vegan! So this is in no way meant to attack vegetarians and vegans because I think you guys are really awesome (obviously since I'm one of you)!
I read a statistic a couple months ago that there are 20x more vegetarians/vegans in the population of people who have EDs than in the general population, but didn't think much of it or really even believe it. But after spending hours going through this sub and other ed related subs, I've noticed that a bunch of people are vegan. Like way more than you would find in other subs. I was wondering if there's a reason for this that any of you have noticed?
I coincidentally started developing eating issues around the time I went vegan, but that's also the same time I decided I needed to lose weight so I don't really know what the correlation is. I do know that going vegan made me pay a lot more attention to my food (for obvious reasons) so that could be a contributing factor.
[Discussion] Are you addicted to caffeine? Because i am.
/u/cokezero-vanilla
Created: Wed Sep 26 18:07:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j7ysy/are_you_addicted_to_caffeine_because_i_am/
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I drink wayyy too much coffee + monster + diet coke (ultra white monsters mhmmm so good). But now im kinda scared like what if i want to quit all the caffeine? I’ll probably get crazy withdrawal. I see people talking about caffeine withdrawal taking MONTHS to feel some energy again? Is it me or does that seem insane? Do you guys drink take in a lot of caffeine?
[Discussion] When you're a teacher and your kids notice...
/u/sucrederable
Created: Wed Sep 26 18:00:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j7x93/when_youre_a_teacher_and_your_kids_notice/
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My little ones pointed out the empty jar of baby food I had for lunch. Embarrassing. "She's eating baby food. Ms. why are you eating baby food?"
Restricting during the school day as a teacher is extremely easy. There's always something to do, but I can get irritable easily. It makes me feel bad. Anyone else here a teacher or work with kids daily?
Post the supplements you take!
/u/sleepyrats [182cm | 64.9kg | 18.88 | -12.8kg | F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 17:53:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j7v91/post_the_supplements_you_take/
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Okay so I had a fun idea last night to post here about my supplements, as I use a lot as part of my orthorexic tendencies, and wondered what you all take as well. Post the supplements you take and (if you want) a brief description of why. Here's mine
* **Magnesium** \- mental health, helps me poop in the mornings
* **L-Theanine** \- Anxiety reducer, especially helps me sleep at night where I get sudden feelings of doom
* **Ashwaganda** \- daily anxiety reducer, stops me being totally agorophobic
* **5-HTP** \- depression helper/sleep aid
* **Rhodiola** \- depression helper
* **Iron** \- I've always been slightly anemic, but recently it's been way worse so I'm tired all the time (is this depression or iron who knows 😁)
* **B Vitamins** \- I don't take these every day because I eat a lot of nooch, but I guess eating nooch is the same as taking it? This is mostly for hair
* **Healthy foods** \- so I am obsessed with eating healthy foods and have to eat flax, chia, cabbage (no one rates this superfood enough), blueberries and quinoa daily, along with a generous serving of fresh seasonal fruit and veg. Gotta make sure I'm getting all those micronutrients!
I fucking hate my stats now. Inpatient made me lose so much progress. I want to cry.
/u/HufflePuff_Badg3r
Created: Wed Sep 26 17:48:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j7u5s/i_fucking_hate_my_stats_now_inpatient_made_me/
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I want to die.
I gained ten lbs in inpatient treatment months ago. I haven't gained since I've been out.
I'm relapsing. Which is why I'm back here. But the weight I've gained makes me feel like I've lost so much progress (eating disorder progress, not weight gain progress).
I was totally in recovery mode for like, 5 months. But fuck it. I want my eating disorder. I want to be alone. And I want to die.
Shout out to all the proED’ers who live in large metropolitan cities
/u/guava_pastille [5'8" | CW 157 | GW 120 | BMI 24 | Lost 47.2 lbs | F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 17:34:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j7qgm/shout_out_to_all_the_proeders_who_live_in_large/
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Was just taking a walk and passed by a model being photographed and group of ballerinas and this is just the norm, seeing thin inspiration everywhere always.
If you have depression/mental illness, do you notice an improvement during a water fast?
/u/Highoffempty [5'9 | 138 | GW: 120 | UGW: 108 | Lbs Lost: 22]
Created: Wed Sep 26 17:24:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j7ntm/if_you_have_depressionmental_illness_do_you/
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I feel like if I evaluate the times I am most measured, calm, productive, and happy, I notice it is always during a fast.
Am I the only one who feels this way? Feel pretty stuck these days and hoping a water fast will get me out of this :/
I can't stop eating so now I'm just ranting.
/u/AlwaysKillingMySims
Created: Wed Sep 26 17:20:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j7mrk/i_cant_stop_eating_so_now_im_just_ranting/
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I'm the girl you hate. The fat one. Always have been, except for that glorious time in my life where I was growing so much I couldn't keep up. Now I'm obese. I went down to just overweight a couple of years ago but when my PTSD started acting up I just couldn't deal with being alive anymore.
I binge. I binge all the time. What else would you call eating a fucking bag of chips, a bar of chocolate and then still being hungry? All of this on top of eating dinner of course. I don't know what is wrong with me. I wish I was dead. Same fucking song stuck in my head, all on repeat. I think I'm having a breakdown but I can't grasp my thoughts for more than a second so who knows. I wish I could stop eating, she said while eating tomato soup. Crying. Therapy session on Friday. My therapist doesn't even know about my eating issues because I didn't even realize how fucked up I am before I came here. I wish I didn't have to be skinny for people to realize that my relationship with food is as chaotic as my entire life. But wait, my life is simple. Not going outside, that's pretty much it.
So now what? I created a new account to post on here but I can't even write a post because I'm just filled with hate for myself. Can I stay? I've been reading this subreddit for ages but never posted because I'm obese and don't restrict. But I'm just about as obsessed with food as most of you. Guess binging without purgeing is still a disorder, right?
Sorry for rambling, thanks for reading.
[Rant/Rave] Update: free food weirdness continues
/u/thingsarestranger [5’2” | CW:121.7 | GW1:115 | SW:160 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 17:11:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j7k58/update_free_food_weirdness_continues/
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Idk if the universe wants me to eat/binge but it happened again guys. I went to the food court on campus and I got a plate from Panda Express (1 side 2 entree), krab Rangoons, a slice of pepperoni pizza and 2 breadsticks from papa johns, a larger slurpee, and a bag of sour gummies. I used to not be able to eat in public and would always order food online bc I didn’t want anyone to know I was eating that much at my HW but now when I binge I give no fucks and buy mad food in person and no one ever gives me a weird look or says anything. I pulled up to the cashier with all my food and added the gummies at the last second. She reads me my total and I give her the card but I was only charged $9???? But the plate alone was $8? So howww lmao I just didn’t say anything and left bc I’m not gonna tell someone to charge me more when I’m a broke college student lol this is nice but it’s enabling me to binge and it’s slowing my weight loss by a lotttt I do usually purge but I’m sick so I haven’t been exercising on top of not purging while sick. Haven’t weighed myself in a week and im scared to after all the binging I’ve done since I hit my LW...
[Other] Article about obesity just sort of reinforced my own negative space about my body. Not sure how to process.
/u/Size666 [5'8 | 215 | GW1: 164 | -23 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 17:05:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j7ijl/article_about_obesity_just_sort_of_reinforced_my/
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Not sure if I should trigger warning this post, I just thought this was a really interesting read and since we are all pretty obsessed with the topic, wanted to share for those who hadn't seen it yet.
[https://highline.huffingtonpost.com/articles/en/everything-you-know-about-obesity-is-wrong/](https://highline.huffingtonpost.com/articles/en/everything-you-know-about-obesity-is-wrong/)
I fully appreciate and understand that the intent of the article was to humanize people who are obese and have to contend with the social and psychological issues associated with it, but there were just too many very-relatable and all-too-real statements that reinforced my own 'this is why you have to stop eating' cyclical thoughts. Some of this I've felt/said myself, other things I've suspected and didn't realize was actually researched and well-documented (particularly about the knee-jerk fat = lazy attitudes when traversing the work environment). I walked away from this article feeling both crestfallen about my own body and determined to change the trajectory of my own broken relationship with my body (not in the healthy I-can-love-me-at-this-current-size way, more like in a I'm-not-eating-until-next-week sort of way). I know I need to change something or I'm going to ruin everything. I want to be someone who is okay with being this size, but I never have been and I don't think I ever could be. I don't see any other choice but to double down on my disordered behavior...
​
Things I related to in the article:
> ... Sam \[...\] said that one glimpse of himself in a mirror can destroy his mood for days. “I have this sense I’m fat and I shouldn’t be,” he says. “It feels like the worst kind of weakness.”
​
> Growing up, my mother’s weight was the uncredited co-star of every family drama, the obvious, unspoken reason why she never got out of the car when she picked me up from school, why she disappeared from the family photo album for years at a time, why she spent hours making meatloaf then sat beside us eating a bowl of carrots.
​
> “My weight makes me anxious. I'm constantly sucking my stomach in when I stand, and if I'm sitting, I always grab a pillow or couch cushion to hold in front of it. \[...\] The worst part is that intellectually I know that I have worth beyond pounds and waist inches and stereotypes. But I still feel like I have to hide.”
​
> “Your conscious mind is busy the whole day with how many calories is in everything, what you can eat and who’s watching,” she says. After a few intrusive comments over the years—*should you be eating that?*—she has learned to be careful, to perform the role of the impeccable fat person.
​
> Research consistently finds that larger Americans (especially larger women) earn lower [salaries](http://www.jeffreyhunger.com/uploads/3/4/4/8/34481134/27._major_tomiyama___hunger.pdf) and are less likely to be hired and promoted. In a [2017 survey](https://moneyish.com/ish/only-15-of-hiring-managers-would-consider-hiring-an-overweight-woman/), 500 hiring managers were given a photo of an overweight female applicant. Twenty-one percent of them described her as unprofessional despite having no other information about her.
​
> Emily, the counselor, says she spent her teens and 20s “sleeping with guys I wasn’t interested in because they wanted to sleep with me.” In her head, a guy being into her was a rare and depletable resource she couldn’t afford to waste: “I was desperate for men to give me attention. Sex was a good way to do that.”
​
> She knows how hard it is to slim down, knows what women larger than her are going through, but she still struggles not to pass judgment when she sees them in public. “I think, ‘How did they let it happen?’” she says. “It’s more like fear. Because if I let myself go, I’ll be that big too.”
​
Thanks for letting me vent. I'd love to know what others are thinking about this article/topic.
​
[Rant/Rave] 5000 cals later
/u/problemproblem420 [5'6'' | 117 | 18.9 | 19F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 17:04:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j7ich/5000_cals_later/
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soooo remember when i was freaking out about eating 900 cals after low restriction for a while?
​
it turned into 3 days of all out binge eating (2500 a day probably) where my body literally went into autopilot feeding frenzy mode everytime food touched my lips. posting this here to hold myself accountable to get back on track :( i know i will definitely gain at least 2 pounds but i have to remind myself that its OK!!!! i will get my shit together!!! we always do right? right...????
​
sorry for the rant but i needed to put it out somewhere to remind myself that i am a young woman with an eating disorder and not a wild dog that has been starving for months.
What do you prefer: Ritalin or vyvanse?
/u/thinwishes_ [5'7" | CW 135 lb | GW 125 lb | UGW 120 lb | F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 17:03:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j7hzy/what_do_you_prefer_ritalin_or_vyvanse/
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[Rant/Rave] I wonder if a heroin addiction would be cheaper...
/u/SterileTechnique
Created: Wed Sep 26 16:42:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j7c0l/i_wonder_if_a_heroin_addiction_would_be_cheaper/
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I think as I buy my third $40 bag of groceries for the week. Heroin is so cheap now you can get high for $5-10 in my area. Not only that but there are dozens, probably >40, chem dep/substance abuse treatment centers and groups within a 5 mile radius. I'm lucky to live in a metropolitan area where there are TWO comprehensive eating disorder treatment programs, however one of them recently dropped 250 outpatients in order to focus their resources on the more lucrative inpatient/residential treatment business. The one I used to go to changed their scheduling policy making it harder for someone with a flex schedule like me to make appointments without months in advance. So I haven't been to treatment or a therapist in over two years. The copay was $30/session since neither ED treatment center are "tier 2" in my insurance network, and if I needed inpatient treatment I always had to pay the max deductible out of pocket.
Finding a substance abuse treatment center your insurance company will cover is easier since there is a plethora to choose from. Not sure if it's still a fight to get them to cover inpatient/residential treatment and outpatient treatment as it is with EDs. And if you don't have insurance, there's rule 25 assessments so the state will provide the funding to get you into treatment.
​
I'm not trivializing the horrors of heroin or drug and alcohol addiction in any way. 20 million Americans suffer from addiction in one year, compared to 30 million with eating disorders. 35% of those with substance use disorders also have an eating disorder. 50% of those with eating disorders have abused alcohol or illicit drugs.
Why is it so much harder to get treatment for an ED? Why does so little government funding per affected person go towards researching effective ED treatment?
I have been thinking about vodka almost every night these past couple weeks and it scares me. I only drank two days out of the past two weeks and at 2 drinks each night. There is no more alcohol in my house and I am resisting the urge to buy more. I think how nice it would be to have a drink just to help me sleep, not feel so anxious on my grad school homework. I can't start. I can't start. I see what happens to nurses who struggle with alcohol and substance use. I can't go down that path.
SOS my mom keeps baking pies
/u/enrichbitch
Created: Wed Sep 26 16:38:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j7azw/sos_my_mom_keeps_baking_pies/
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My mom just texted me saying “You’ll be so happy to come home tonight! I made apple pie and apple crumble, both vegan!”
I don’t want to go home now, because if I don’t go home then I don’t have to eat pie! What’s the point of fasting all day? Every day I go home and eat like a “normal person” just so my parents don’t suspect anything, and I’m really fucking tired of it.
Even if I’m doing OMAD and it’s a 400 cal slice of pie, it doesn’t feel like I’m doing enough!! It’s never going to feel like enough because it’s PIE
^Fuck ^my ^life
[Discussion] Has anyone's ED become a healthyish version of ED?
/u/NutelllaBellla
Created: Wed Sep 26 16:23:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j76yo/has_anyones_ed_become_a_healthyish_version_of_ed/
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What I mean is, I used to starve completely and have underweight goal weights. It was either that, or binging and purging and shooting up to an obese bmi. I've been both underweight and obese.
Now, my ED has morphed into what appears to be health and fitness, but is sort of OCD and meticulous. For instance, I track every morsel that I eat, even gum and splenda. I am obsessed with my macros. I take vyvanse and shit loads of coffee and spend two hours at the gym daily doing either cardio or lifting weights. My he is now at the low end of healthy, I want a 19.5 bmi.
To other people, who don't have EDs... this may look extreme, but compared to what my ED used to look like, I call this a "healthyish" ED. Deep inside, this fitness regime is fueled by self hatred, just like the anorexia and b/p was.
Who can relate?
I need help 😅
/u/butterscotch_puddin
Created: Wed Sep 26 16:20:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j761w/i_need_help/
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https://i.redd.it/6k4kjumdrno11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] ICEBERG LETTUCE AND TURKEY, GUYS
/u/peyton2724 [5'9'' | CW: 145 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 16:16:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j74zc/iceberg_lettuce_and_turkey_guys/
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Okay, so I know I am definitely not the first person (not even close) to come to this revelation, but I feel that this is an important message to spread to my fellow ED friends.
Listen, I was a non-believer. I thought, "Iceberg lettuce and turkey sounds great, but no way can turkey be that low-cal in the long run, and no way can it be nearly as satisfying as an actual sandwich. If I have a craving I'll just go for a low-cal sandwich, whatever." But, boy, was I wrong.
Listen, I just ate five whole fucking slices of glorious turkey with a glorious amount of iceberg lettuce and some mustard for flavor - and it was a religious experience. I was chowing the hell down for over thirty minutes on the most satisfying, crunchy, flavorful, and filling meal I've had in months and it was well under 150 cals. That's five slices of turkey, enough mustard to drink, and a truck-load of iceberg lettuce for under 150 cals - I can't believe this is not a federal crime.
I am beyond full, all of my cravings are gone, and I am one happy, enlightened bitch.
To whoever has known this and shared it already - thank you. To those who haven't - try it. Seriously. It's the best decision I've ever made.
[Help] Searcing for a budy/competition
/u/f-u-u-u-u-u-u-ck-you
Created: Wed Sep 26 16:11:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j73ly/searcing_for_a_budycompetition/
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I'm 19, female, 170cm/5'7 and 117kg/258lbs..
I lost weight two times before, both times huge amount but i'm a fuck with no self controle who once after losing weight starts to eat like a pig for 2 years. So here we go again. Both times i lost weight "the unhealty way".
It would help me, maybe also you to "compete" with someone who is losing weight and also to motivate and listen to each other. So if you want a buddy, pm me.
[Discussion] Is anyone else just convinced they're a fraud?
/u/starlit_skies [170cm | 46kg | 15.9| 20F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 16:05:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j71xd/is_anyone_else_just_convinced_theyre_a_fraud/
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Like okay they told me I had anorexia. In what world do anorexic people feast on a bag of popcorn *and* a bag of crisps in one evening?? Cus I sure as fuck just did that and now I'm questioning my existence because who am I if not anorexic?????
For the past week or so I've been trying to find the willpower to eat well for ONE DAY. Like just ONE DAY of sticking to the plan, not going over maintenance, just so I can feel better about myself and just so that I don't get this awful "I'm a fucking fraud" feeling because holy shit I do not know how to deal with that bs. But apparently I can't even do that so :))))) someone pls gimme an identity and/or kill me now :))
Anyone experience pancreas problems because of a purging disorder?
/u/921520
Created: Wed Sep 26 16:03:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j719s/anyone_experience_pancreas_problems_because_of_a/
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We're in the beginning stages of understanding if my spouse's pancreas problems are originating from a suspected purging disorder. Any thoughts or advice?
[Discussion] Is it just me or does anyone else find it strange when ‘recovery’ accounts literally just post photos of their bodies and nothing else
/u/shonamairead [5'6 | CW 140lbs | GW1 - 120 | -20lbs | F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 15:56:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j6z3e/is_it_just_me_or_does_anyone_else_find_it_strange/
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Like I understand you’ve come a long way from having an ED etc but there’s so many Instagram pages of people who have ‘recovered’ where they literally only post pics. It kind of comes off as constantly posting body checks. Is it just me or ???
[Discussion] I hope this is allowed but: how’s everyone doing today/this week/this month/this year?
/u/kayasawyer [ 4'11 | 119.8 | 18.5 | 20 | 22 F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 15:48:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j6wn0/i_hope_this_is_allowed_but_hows_everyone_doing/
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If this *is* allowed let’s have an honest discussion. This subreddit has helped me in the strangest of ways which when you get down to it you wouldn’t expect it to be here but clarity can come from the strangest of places. You don’t get to pick what makes you feel better, whole again.
**(10 points for anyone who can figure out what show I’m referencing to)**
Anyway, I’m sure this will be removed and I’m sorry if this isn’t allowed but people have helped me on here and Hell even a moderator helped me one on one. Won’t name names for privacy’s sake of course.
But if this allowed just let’s talk. Rant away if you need to. Let’s get to know each other for the ones who don’t know anyone and hell even the ones that do. Let’s chat and feel like we’re not alone. Even if it’s just for a few seconds. I can’t speak for everyone but I know for me even a second of feeling like I’m not alone feels like eons of minutes.
Thanks for reading.
[Goal] Ever feel conflicted about hitting a goal early?
/u/Doctordoomduck
Created: Wed Sep 26 15:37:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j6t9l/ever_feel_conflicted_about_hitting_a_goal_early/
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I wanted to lose ten pounds this month and I hit that yesterday. Now I’m wondering if I’ve calculated everything right and also if I should increase my calorie intake so I’m back on track. I want to lose weight, but for some reason I was mostly disappointed in myself for doing it
“so well”. Like maybe I could’ve added more meals in, not been so miserable, and still accomplished the same thing.
Anyone else feel odd after low weigh ins?
when a presumably healthy choice, is actually disordered....
/u/xlilgirlpoptartx [5'7 | CW: 203 | SW: 245 | GW:135 | F/37]
Created: Wed Sep 26 15:27:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j6q2c/when_a_presumably_healthy_choice_is_actually/
---
So I don't talk a shit ton about being keto because i didn't start out eating keto, even knowing it was keto. I was just a fat diabetic who was tired of giving myself 1 unit of insulin for every carb I ate because I was that insulin resistant and I was fucking tired of the fact that I couldn't stop eating a dozen doughnuts at a time, and huge bakery pieces of cake and sometimes up to 8,000 or possibly more calories in a day, only to not eat for days after because I felt so sick.
So I just stopped eating carbs, if I stopped eating them I wouldn't have to keep injecting so much insulin to feel ok, so that seemed alright. And then when I started this punishment because I treated it like one, every time I even thought about carbs I told myself off. And I stopped feeling hungry and I went wow this is kinda cool....not hungry, suddenly I can fast for a few days and not even notice, this is awesome!
Then comes the weight loss and that becomes exciting because I haven't lost weight in years and when I did I usually put it right back on within weeks of losing it.
Then comes to obsession with the weight loss and even though the sugar cravings are physically gone, I no longer even eat the keto fat bombs or sweets people make with artificial sugar, no desire to, food is fuel, I will just shove bland meat into my face and just be like ok full now, move along....but the emotional part still becomes punishment....friends are getting together for pizza...."no you fatass, you can't eat pizza....EVER AGAIN!!" And I stay home and treat myself like the bad kid who is grounded.
Nobody has said, you must eat this way, but me, and in most ways, it's like really good for my diabetes, really good for the weight loss in that I haven't binged since sometime in June. It's kind of good for my self-confidence in that I really need to buy some new clothes that don't fall off me....
But it's punishment, it's almost like self-harm. I've decided I'm eating this way forever not so much as a healthy choice because maybe in the short term it might work out alright for me, it does for some people, it doesn't for others, that's cool....everybody is different....but in the long term it's about making it easier to punish myself. Because I feel like I'm just preparing my body for a lifetime of starving and denial of any kind of enjoyment out of food.
So I sit there and look at the cake my friends are gonna have for someone's birthday, or the buffet they are meeting at next, or the candy at the movies, the bbq someone is hosting, and every single time, it's just another way to punish myself, for even daring to exist?
I wish I could just say it's motivation, like yeah one day I will be at my goal weight and it'll be enough and I'll eat carbs again and eat to maintain that weight. But I'm lying to myself, just like I was when I was at my heaviest and I didn't think I was all that big, I won't stop ar my goal, I'll make a new one, and make sure I still have control over this useless sack of skin that I am.....
It's alright for now, everyone around me just says what a good job you are doing! Wow that diet you are on must be amazing! Not really peeps, I eat on average 800 calories a day and I maybe only eat 4-5 days a week sometimes less. I'm not exactly young and when I do lose the weight I'll be full of flabby skin and no way to ever afford to fix it, so I'll look even older I have no one to impress here because I'll just be alone with my cats forever....
But I'm gonna do it anyway....because someone said I couldn't maybe? Because they said it wouldn't last? Because I have done that my whole life? They said I would never walk, or talk or tie my shoes, or graduate high school. About the only thing I cannot do that they said I would never is drive a car, (because blind people should really not be out on the road with all the other idiotd haha).
So why not this too? I beat the odds at every other illness that has come my way. I'm meant to be dead now with the challenges I have faced and yet still overcome.
The only problem is, the challenge I want to win at now, may be the one that does actually kill me.
And it's terrifying.
My experience with University and having similarly minded flatmates
/u/eldariya [1,91m 6'3.5" |90-67-90| 70,5kg / 155.5 | 18M | Bmi 18,18]
Created: Wed Sep 26 15:26:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j6q0w/my_experience_with_university_and_having/
---
So I moved to University 10 days ago or so and I'm gonna be honest I am enjoying it but it has been wild food wise, most days im existing on 300-600 calories of actual food and then 400-600 of alcohol and doing some drugs so it's a beautiful mess.
I haven't had a scale but I definitely feel thinner BUT I share a flat with 6 people and 5 are all tall and thin so I feel at home but one of the guys had the idea to have weekly weigh ins for everyone in the flat (CRAZY I KNOW BUT OMG I LOVE) and they all eat so healthy like avocados and protein shakes and all this and we've all joined a gym together but it's kinda wild because these people are inadvertandly making me wanna restrict morrreee, in addition the fact I'm insanely broke so I don't buy food just cigarettes lol.
But here's the killer, I met a girl who lives in the apartment below me and within a matter of minutes I knew she was bulimic as she had all the tell tale signs and we opened up to each other and basically every day we have purged together and it's so comforting to have someone who understands what is going on but I can see how worrying it may become but I'm trying to take it as it comes.
How long do you think I can just trick my roomates into thinking my normal diet is aloe vera juice, vodka, half a fried banana and a full bottle of diet coke in addition to protein shakes lmao because the other day I got really drunk and accidentally basically told them all that I'm Anorexic and Bulimic and I threw up outside the window and every night when we walk home from the clubs I throw up as we are walking and then very casually just pretend nothing happened.
I genuinely thought I would have had some people concerned but it's almost as if EVERYONE is encouraging my behaviours
[Rant/Rave] I don't want to eat
/u/ratorture [5'9 | 130 | 18.65| Perpetual Recovery Machine|]
Created: Wed Sep 26 15:18:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j6nf5/i_dont_want_to_eat/
---
/end rant
Starting to eat is so fuckin' hard. Once I start? All good. First attempt of the day? Can't get up the motivation. I feel passive. I feel a bit uneasy. I feel like running 10km this morning wasn't enough to justify it. I feel paranoid - is TDEE real? Is BMR real? Is my fitness tracker correct? Is medical science real? Am I a lone exception in this calorie-driven world, free of appetite because I don't need to eat? Who is fooling me? Who's responsible for all these lies and deceptions? Where are they? Why I outta!!!
I don't know what this post is about.
[Help] 540 calories left for a controlled binge... what should I have? (UK)
/u/happy_but_unhappy [5'9 |CW 118.8 | 17.5 | GW 110]
Created: Wed Sep 26 15:13:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j6m0e/540_calories_left_for_a_controlled_binge_what/
---
So I'm having a movie night (date) with a guy and I don't want to miss out on all the fun snacks so I've decided to burn 500 calories at the gym beforehand but allow myself 1400 calories for the entire day.... breakfast and lunch I've sorted and for dinner is gonna be snacks. So far I have
Halo top (320)
2 fibre one go brownies (174)
Which leaves me 540 left...
What should I Have?!?!? I can't decide
[Rant/Rave] basically a journal entry
/u/lightningmcqueef69 [5'5.5" | 114.6lbs | 18.78 | 18 | enby 💛]
Created: Wed Sep 26 14:59:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j6hkz/basically_a_journal_entry/
---
fuck this disease. i am so tired. i'm so tired of crying because i'm hungry, and i'm so over the shitty voice in my head telling me i'm only angry because i'm still fat; that i would have reached my gw if i had some self control. fuck that, control is an illusion. i have never been in control. it's always been the ed. i'm so tired, and i want my life back. but there's this part of me buried deep somewhere that *knows* i won't be happy until i'm thin. that these thoughts will always be there, so i might as well listen. i'm so angry, and so tired, and so tired of being angry. i feel disgusting.
So my first ED appointment was disappointing.
/u/Bustakrimes91
Created: Wed Sep 26 14:55:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j6g6l/so_my_first_ed_appointment_was_disappointing/
---
He told me he thinks I am neurotic and a control freak and don’t have an ED because it’s all about control for me and I am extremely negative about my self image.
Now I feel like an imposter who just can’t handle stress. I am so medically underweight now but he said I look‘ healthy and active’
I don’t know where I fit anymore. Now I don’t have an ED am I even allowed to post here anymore? The fact that all my calories are liquid (coffee, soda, alcohol which is my fave sue me)
I don’t know what to do from here tbh. Any advice from anyone in similar situations is welcome where did you go for support from here?
Dae wish they got plastic surgery instead of going to college lmao
/u/manateens [5'4 20F | 145 / UGW 98 | BMI27]
Created: Wed Sep 26 14:50:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j6ekn/dae_wish_they_got_plastic_surgery_instead_of/
---
My degree is worthless and i'm about 30 grand deeper into debt from my student loans than if I had just gotten a full body and face surgical makeover so basically I could be happy with my body and in less debt than being miserable and in more debt
Clearly there is a better option here let's be real
[Rant/Rave] Have to gain weight for procedure
/u/Roseemacculate02
Created: Wed Sep 26 14:49:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j6e97/have_to_gain_weight_for_procedure/
---
So I've been wanting this cosmetic surgury ever since like middle school. Basically one half of my jaw is missing bone so my face is noticeably asymmetrical, and I know everyone's face is but it really bothers me. Anyways, I finally am at a point where I can afford this surgury. The only downfall is I have to gain weight since it's a fat transfer... I've been internally battling my self over this. I'm currently 5"4 at 105 which has been my goal weight for a while and now I have to purposefully ruin it. I'm hoping that maybe this can give me a glimpse of what it's like to recover, but I'm terrified. I didnt realize how hard eating normally would be, but I'm pretty determined since it doesnt have to be a forever thing and I really want this surgury done. The weird part is my body dysmorphia feels like it's gone, every time I look in the mirror I'm like "oh yeah, you are skinny! I like looking this way" super weird. Also, it has been easier to eat less, I keep having to force myself to eat. On the bright side I can eat everything I wouldn't allow myself to for a couple months ! Already planning to fast hella when it's done and safe to again though lollll...
Thanks for listening, as always.
[Help] Calories vs calories from fat
/u/ArkhamBrothers [5’1 👻 CW:118 👻 GW:90 👻 F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 14:30:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j68jj/calories_vs_calories_from_fat/
---
So when logging calories what am I supposed to do exactly? I honestly don’t understand calories vs calories from fat.
Example: my soup is 160 calories. But! Calories from fat are 5. I have been logging 160 because I always log the highest numbers of things. What do calories from fat mean and am I supposed to look ONLY at the “calories” label when choosing food?
I’m so embarrassed to ask this but I’ve gotta know. Please help me you kind souls 🙏🏻
I'm tired and I wanna go home
/u/Call_me_Cassius [5'5" | CW: 🐖 | GW: 98lb | -45lb | M21]
Created: Wed Sep 26 14:29:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j685d/im_tired_and_i_wanna_go_home/
---
I'm in a language independent study and I dread it every day because I am stupid and bad at vocabulary and never understand anything and today I'm 75 hours into a fast and I'm so tired and I have zero will or focus and this lesson is gonna suck and I know I can just shut down and numb it out but it's still gonna reinforce to my professor that I'm dumb as fuck as I just stare into space when he speaks to me and I'm gonna spend the whole time thinking "I'll eat when I get home and feel better, 75 hours is long enough" but I know I'm gonna get home and suddenly switch to "hey you may suck at everything but at least you're good at not eating, keep doing that!"
And I just want to skip this class I can't do it I'm so fucking tired but I can't skip it cause it's just me and the professor! That's too vulnerable for skipping! Completely wasting his time!
I don't want to do this I don't want to go I want to go home and bake bread and throw it away and feel like I've accomplished something
[Discussion] 48 hour fast. Does anyone else struggle with the maths?
/u/COOKIE_PRINCESS [4'10" | 🍪 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 14:24:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j66rp/48_hour_fast_does_anyone_else_struggle_with_the/
---
So if I ate lunch on Tuesday at 2pm, didn't eat anything on Wednesday and then had lunch at 2pm Thursday, is that a 48 hour fast?
Adding it all up says yes, but my brain tells me I'm cheating and I only didn't eat for one day. Help.
[Discussion] The guide to the dessert table
/u/LumosErin [5'5.5" | 126? | 20.3?| GW: 115-120 | 20F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 14:16:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j64cl/the_guide_to_the_dessert_table/
---
So like many of us I have a sweet tooth. And when you have an ED, UGHHHHHH. I'm a 20 year old college student that still frequents the dining hall even though I live off campus. (It saves me money, and I can plan my meals). And as many dining halls do, mine has a dessert bar. Here is how I survive.
​
Disclaimer: I OMAD under 500 calories a day, with one YOLO (cheat) meal a week (any POPsters out there? Ya'll know what I mean), but I allow myself one sweet treat a day under 150 calories, or at least under 200. It's almost always a cookie; sugar cookies are 120 calories, chocolate chip cookies are 130, and a 1/2 cup of vanilla ice cream is 130. I had a red velvet cupcake this week that was 160 and I still clocked in under 500 calories.
​
1. DO NOT SIT NEAR THE DESSERT BAR. You'll look at it the whole time you're there. Don't even go near it until it's time to go.
2. Following up on #1: Grab your treat when you leave and eat it outside. My campus requires you to sign in/out when you go to the dining hall so I eat my treat as I leave so I'm not tempted to go back to the table to get more.
​
3. If you can stand it, select your treat in advance and have it on the table in front of you. If you can't deal with temptation, that's fine.
​
4. It's okay if you lose control and indulge on something. Both dining halls make these Lucky Charms bars (think Rice Krispie treats, but with Lucky Charms, the East dining hall makes them SO BIG) at 140 calories apiece and OMG ya'll. Those things are like crack. If those are out for the day, I end up eating like six and hating myself afterward. But I gotta keep reminding myself: there's always tomorrow.
[Rant/Rave] I'm an energy vacuum
/u/AspergersAndCoffee [5'2F | Last recorded weight 93 | SW 100 | Starting therapy soon]
Created: Wed Sep 26 14:06:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j60xn/im_an_energy_vacuum/
---
I'm eating 1600 calories a day now. I even try to make up for my workouts with more food on the days I do sports... It looks for me like a lot of food and I often feel stuffed. But still, I have super low energy levels, crave obnoxious amounts of calorific foods and it would probably feel too cold for me to sit in a sauna while wearing a winter jacket.
What. The. Hell.
1600 is meant to be so much for someone with my weight and height.
Yet I could easily down at least 1k calories for breakfast alone if I allowed myself to.
The last time I felt somehow alive was when I ate... Like... 2-4k calories a day?
I feel like a big, dangerous energy vacuum.
Do I have some sort of disease?
Is it just because I'm underweight?
What? Why? How?
[Rant/Rave] my person
/u/smolbeanbaby [5'2 | 132 | 24.1 | 34 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 14:01:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j5zg3/my_person/
---
i am so... happy. i’m sharing posts from here with him and we laugh about the funny shit some people say, i tell him how relatable some things are. i’m not sucking my stomach in around him, he tells me i look good in everything and encourages me to do what i want. i broke one of my vape tanks and normally i would’ve started crying, but i just looked at him and i’m like “i broke it why’d you let me do that” and he started laughing so i started laughing and it was so NICE. he makes me so comfortable and happy. i love myself. my thighs aren’t the center of my focus anymore, food doesn’t look like just numbers, it just looks like how i’m going to trick him into letting me buy dinner for once. i love him. i love me.
[Rant/Rave] DAE end up binging on days they wake up feeling thin?
/u/RachAgainstLeMachine [5'3 🌻 CW: 93lbs 🌻 21F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 13:57:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j5y7b/dae_end_up_binging_on_days_they_wake_up_feeling/
---
This morning I woke up, looked in the mirror, and felt the best that I had in a long time.
I went to work and started getting a little lightheaded from not eating.
When I got home, I had a normal lunch and then...I made the mistake of baking.
And long story short, it all went downhill from there.
And it’s like why do I do this to myself? I felt fantastic this morning and now I feel like a lump.
Hopefully it turns into a whoosh...
My friend/roommate just walks in my room and eats whenever she wants to talk
/u/YouSmellOfButterfly [5'3" | CW 147 lbs| HW 155 lbs| GW 125 lbs| F | Vegan]
Created: Wed Sep 26 13:48:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j5v9t/my_friendroommate_just_walks_in_my_room_and_eats/
---
I'm not sure where else to talk about this but it bugs me a lot. Basically, I'm very good friends with my roommate. We share an apartment but have separate bedrooms and bathrooms.
I should socialize with her more, I know, but I need alone time after class every day and that's when she wants to talk. So I'm already on edge. Then, she brings this tasty looking food in and starts munching away. Some things you should understand:
* When I'm restricting (which I always am...) I'm always starving. I can feel the hunger. Smelling or seeing food is extremely exhausting. Especially tasty food.
* I hate eating noises. All of them. Chewing, munching, slurping, everything. She eats very noisily so I hear every second of the food she gets to enjoy and I can't.
* I am embarrassed when eating around others and generally find others eating quite disgusting. Mostly the sounds I guess but I just hate being around other people eating.
So she chats away and munches away and I haven't eaten since yesterday afternoon and I'm dying, I have been d y i n g for subway and she comes in with my favorite... 12 in footlong italian. I'll settle for the veggie delite because I'm vegan, but man watching her scarf that sammich down was almost inspirational. I was so jealous and filled with a resentment that I knew wasn't fair.
Every moment of my life feels like it's bombarded by the desire for food. Internally and externally. I am constantly telling myself I want to cook and eat and enjoy. And the world is telling me I must cook and eat and buy and enjoy. Everyone else can stop when they're done and moderate. I can't. I can't put anything in my mouth that I'm not 100% sure I will not binge.
So to be around that every day, even if I avoid food at school she comes in like clockwork with her lunch every day. It always smells amazing and she doesn't seem to pick up on my anxiety. The worst day was probably kfc. She will also come in with snacks like chips, candy apples, chocolate... holy shit. I'm so jealous. I can't even have it near me without my sympathetic nervous system kicking in.
My room is the only place I feel remotely comfortable and safe in this entire world. I feel more out of control of my surroundings than I ever have before, which is very frustrating and motivates my restricting.
Sorry for the dumb post. thanks
[Help] I feel like my brain is shutting down
/u/elevenbravo274 [5'7 | 110 | 17 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 13:37:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j5rgi/i_feel_like_my_brain_is_shutting_down/
---
Ive been in such a brain fog lately that nothing feels real anymore. The past few days I’ve been trying to study but I can’t get my brain to think. I’m just so numb and depressed and exhausted, even though I get a decent amount of sleep. Does anyone know what’s going on? Thank you. Sorry. Hope you guys are doing okay 💖
[Rant/Rave] Body Check Blues + Dysmorphia
/u/ketothrowaway95 [5'2 | 125.8 |GW 115 | UGW 95 | BMI 23.01| -60 lbs| F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 13:36:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j5r5g/body_check_blues_dysmorphia/
---
DAE feel like for a minute you can actually SEE your progress and then that feeling is totally crushed when you try and take a body check pic?
The past week and a half or so I’ve been losing weight pretty consistently but not feeling any thinner, there have been a few moments where I feel like I look smaller but the second I try to validate that it’s real with a pic, my phone is like “nah, you a whale”. Strangely I have a few selfies when I weighed 5 to 10 lbs more but I feel like I look smaller there than I do now. the heck is this phenomenon.
To anyone who has somehow made it out of this body check elo hell, around what BMI did you finally start feeling like your body checks were acceptable? Do you think the body dysmorphia ever goes away?
[Help] Am I okay?
/u/desaparecida [5'0" | CW:101lb | BMI: 19.7 | 25]
Created: Wed Sep 26 13:32:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j5prs/help_am_i_okay/
---
Trigger warning: sexual harassment
I am not sure whether this is the right place to post this. Throughout the years I come and go from this sub because I never fully recover, which is a bit sad I guess. But something that always stuck with me is how supportive this community has always been. Whether it's for recovery, asking for advice, sharing tips, or just for ranting, I never felt out of place here. I think I want to share something with you.
Last night I had an encounter that left me shaken and I honestly just don't know how to feel about this. I was waiting for a tram to get home very late at night. I was already a bit uneasy since there were no people and almost no cars passing by this street. It was just me at 1am. Out of nowhere a man appeared at the tram stop and tried to strike up conversation. I do not speak the local language (he did not seem to be a native of this country either) but I can understand it, and was trying just to ignore him. It escalated rather quickly to him trying to get closme. to me, asking me to have sex with him, to trying to touch my breasts and actually grab me by the arm. I got away from him pulling as hard as I could and ran towards the street where a car was passing by. The car was not going so fast but still made quite the tire screech when it stopped. I guess the driver thought I was just drunk or stupid and he started swearing and yelling at me from the window, but once he looked at my face he got out of the car and kinda understood what was happening. The man run away.
I was shaking, crying and just grabbing the driver's arm because I guess I felt safe (?) even though I had no idea who this person was. He called the police and two officers came quickly. They asked us a lot of stuff about the guy, filled their report, comforted me and brought me home.
I am home now, the day after. I even went to uni as usual, hung out with friends, but once I got home I just broke down and cried for an hour. I think there is something that's definitely bothering me. Nothing happened to me thank goodness. At most I have a bruise on the arm he grabbed, but really nothing happened to me. I should be thankful and consider myself lucky, and yet I cannot help but feel nauseous and just keep looking at myself in the mirror. I feel so strange. I really don't know if I'm okay or not, and if I'm not, what should I do? How does one act or behave when something like this happens? I called my mom but I couldn't bring myself to tell her exactly what happened. I wouldn't like to worry her with me being so far away from her (she's back in my home country).
I don't know how to feel :(
[Help] How to shit when fasting?
/u/throwaway__1893
Created: Wed Sep 26 13:28:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j5ogx/how_to_shit_when_fasting/
---
I feel like I have poop weight (tmi) and I need it to go away. I’ve been drinking coffee and that hasn’t work. I feel gross and backed up how do u shit when your fast? It’s been 1 day thus far.
[Other] I need to stop: what purging has done to my hands
/u/music_saves_me [5'3F | CW:106 | BMI:18.8|GW:100| UGW:95lbs]
Created: Wed Sep 26 13:23:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j5mx2/i_need_to_stop_what_purging_has_done_to_my_hands/
---
https://i.redd.it/6my7womsvmo11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] A week with friends and family.
/u/robotsintrees [5'6 | 87.4lbs| 14 | Male]
Created: Wed Sep 26 13:22:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j5ml5/a_week_with_friends_and_family/
---
A week of massive dinners; black bean wrap, my partner's homemade pizza, thai restaurant, wedding reception dinner, cake, my partner's homemade curry, bbq tempeh wrap with beans, gigantic quinoa burger with blue cheese and braised onions and a salad with dressing...
I weighed myself on a scale at one of the blood lab locations, I was told it wasn't very accurate, but it said less than 90lbs...
[Other] I need to stop: when purging is starting to get to my hands
/u/music_saves_me [5'3F | CW:106 | BMI:18.8|GW:100| UGW:95lbs]
Created: Wed Sep 26 13:17:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j5l0u/i_need_to_stop_when_purging_is_starting_to_get_to/
---
https://i.redd.it/05h941iqumo11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] I actually lost weight and it's surreal
/u/110_percent_bot [5'5"F | CW 142lbs | HW 170 | LW 120 | GW 110]
Created: Wed Sep 26 13:04:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j5gw7/i_actually_lost_weight_and_its_surreal/
---
Weighed myself for the first time in two months. For the last year, I was at 150ish. Today I weighed myself and was 142. I tried on some of my "skinny" clothes and they fit again. I don't feel or look different though. This is surreal. I'm 40 hours into a fast and had been planning on breaking it at 36 hours, but I'm scared of gaining the weight back.
How accurate is this BMI visualizer?
/u/RedFoxDVM [5'3" | CW: 114 | -23 | UGW: 90 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 12:56:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j5e5x/how_accurate_is_this_bmi_visualizer/
---
I stumbled on this website that supposedly estimates what you would look like at a given BMI. Can anyone vouch for how accurate they think it might be? Because apparently I look way fatter than I thought I was....
[http://bmijs.is.tuebingen.mpg.de/en/body\_masses/get\_data](http://bmijs.is.tuebingen.mpg.de/en/body_masses/get_data)
Portions wrong on nutrition label...
/u/mylktea
Created: Wed Sep 26 12:55:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j5dy1/portions_wrong_on_nutrition_label/
---
So I bought a can of Annie's organic black bean chilli and it says 1 serving = 1 cup (200 cals). 2 servings per can. So I measure out 1/2 cup to make it 100 cals..but after measuring out the 1/2 cup there was only 1/2 the can left?! Shouldn't there be 1.5 servings left in that bitch?
So now I have no idea if I truly ate 100 cals or 200 and wtf is life 🙃
[Rant/Rave] My bulimia is so out of control my parents had to lock up the binge food
/u/fernsandfoxes [5'5.5"|CW:109|BMI:18|GW:100|19F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 12:48:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j5blu/my_bulimia_is_so_out_of_control_my_parents_had_to/
---
So now I binge on beans, rice, and oatmeal and I’m just as bad as before. Sorry for eating all your chips, Dad.
I am a total shitbag
/u/LeOssa
Created: Wed Sep 26 12:43:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j5a5f/i_am_a_total_shitbag/
---
So, I'll preface this by saying that it's really not that bad. Also, I am dead inside, devoid of all emotion and feel nothing in my black,icy heart.
We all know the marvelous wonder of dietbet, cheating already having an ED however.. reading all the posts on there I realize how much of an outlier I actually am. Every post is about how "this time I'm really going to lose weight" "definitely going to stick to it this time". These people willing to legit *risk* money in hopes that that motivates them.
Meanwhile, here's my ingenuine ass. Three months postpartum ED addled personal trainer losing baby weight with a 100% guarantee to win each and every dietbet I have joined and using it for the free money and trigger.
I'm an asshole.
[Rant/Rave] Food ads while restricting
/u/chicagorie [5'7"|GW 108 |CW want 2 die|F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 12:41:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j59bn/food_ads_while_restricting/
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UHG, I have such a love/hate relationship with food ads/pics ect while restricting, sometimes is all I want to see/hear....but right now I am ANGRY with them, like I just want to listen to my podcasts without hears 50,000 Blue Apron (or the like) commercials about their food in graphic pornographic detail (or maybe it just feels pornographic because I've been eating under 400cals for several days now). Like, I just shouted at my phone to "fuck off with the fucking food" while trying to skip ahead.
I'm going insane.
Plus, maybe thats means I'm malnourished and will whoosh soon.
There is no point to this mindless ranting, rambling, of a calorie deprived person
[Rant/Rave] Wellbutrin is lit
/u/waking_up_inside [5’3” | SW: 149 | CW: less than 149 | GW: 95 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 12:26:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j54l3/wellbutrin_is_lit/
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I can barely eat 200cal at a time without feeling full, and I don’t have my usual symptoms of depression. Win/win lmao
[Rant/Rave] “You should eat intuitively!”
/u/jewishtemptress
Created: Wed Sep 26 12:16:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j51ig/you_should_eat_intuitively/
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Argh. My friend pushes a lot of fat logic towards me, and she knows that I’m bouncing back and forth with recovering.
Her favorite line is: “99% of dieters gain back all of the weight and more! Just eat *intuitively* like me!”
Gaining back that weight honestly terrifies me. I simply *cannot* eat intuitively because I use it as an excuse to binge without counting calories. It works for some people in recovery, and that’s great. Whenever I try to explain that to her, she gets pissed off and assumes that I’m suggesting “fat people = bad.” I think all body types are stunning in their own way; I just don’t want to gain weight. If that means counting calories until I die, so be it.
Why do so many people care about what I do with *my* body? I know that eating less than 1200 calories isn’t good for me. I’m aware of the long term effects as well. You don’t go up to every smoker you see on the street and try to dissuade them from smoking by harping on them with anti-smoking facts. They know what they’re doing with their bodies, just like I know what I’m doing with mine.
banana and peanut butter
/u/hairbrushes
Created: Wed Sep 26 12:05:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j4xvr/banana_and_peanut_butter/
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y’all i’m watching my friend eat a banana but every bite she puts like... a huge spoonful of crunchy peanut butter.... like.... SO MUCH ON EVERY BITE OHMSUDHEJW it looks so fucking good and the ed in me is fucking shook
[Other] I don’t normally log my binges but I think my bulimia really outdid itself today 😂
/u/Catii24 [5'4" | CW: 128.8 | GW: 108 | Female]
Created: Wed Sep 26 12:04:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j4xkn/i_dont_normally_log_my_binges_but_i_think_my/
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https://i.redd.it/ukyqtmmshmo11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] Saw Florence & the Machine live last night 💕
/u/theleftoveryou [5'5'' | 98.6 | 16.6 | GW 95? | 24F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 12:02:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j4wpf/saw_florence_the_machine_live_last_night/
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I might have cried. Several times. Especially during Hunger.
I love Florence 💜
[Help] What is peach and how do I get started on it?
/u/fccg12
Created: Wed Sep 26 11:50:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j4t25/what_is_peach_and_how_do_i_get_started_on_it/
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Sorry if this is a stupid question I just see it mentioned everywhere lol
[Discussion] free people vanity sizing?
/u/problemproblem420 [5'6'' | 117 | 18.9 | 19F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 11:48:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j4sd5/free_people_vanity_sizing/
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i ordered free people leggings in size small, feeling optimistic that i would fit into them cuz all their models are fucking tiny and im at a relatively low weight right now. there was no xs option. they are wayyyy too big for me!!! has anyone else experienced this with free people? or is my body dysmorphia super crazy? i feel like im really not an xs in anything considering i still have huge thighs and hips :/
I had a terrible dream last night.
/u/SkinnyisSexy [5'7 |125lb|19.6|-23lb|F GW115]
Created: Wed Sep 26 11:40:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j4pl3/i_had_a_terrible_dream_last_night/
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Last night in order to have good thoughts before bed, I just imagined me with the perfect body. I know it's juvenile, but hey it calmed my mind. In my dreams later on there was my full sized bedroom mirror and i was looking in it at my body, it looked the same as always and was... disappointing.
I leave my room and walk back to see if it changed. I looked like bone hanging from skin, when I turned to the side I could see the back top of my hip bones protruding. It was sick, I looked like I was on the verge of death. No matter how many times I left and came back I just saw a corpes body with my face. I just thought of what I had done to myself, I couldn't believe I thought I was fat. The last time I walked by I saw an overweight body (I've never been medically overweight) I was actually relieved. I wanted to see the fat body, I didn't want to see how I really was. Of course, I wake up with a normal bmi of 19. I'm not dying, I'm not literally bones like my dream, but it was truly terrifying. It felt so real...
Even though I've lost so much weight, I feel as though I'm the same. I actually tell myself I don't have a problem now. I feel like my OMAD is enough and any more is just gluttonous. I'm scared of what my future holds. I've been EDNOS off and on since i was about 10 off and on. Usually, its just like a switch. It turns on and I need to lose weight, I decide myself when to stop and I go back to normal. I've never really been diagnosed, never been to therapy I just struggled to figure it out by myself. This time feels different. How do I feel so in control and out of control at the same time. I don't feel disordered but I know I am.
[Rant/Rave] I gained seven pounds in a day??? How is this possible.
/u/conuretrash [5'3.5''| 20 F | CW 148 | GW 115| -42 |]
Created: Wed Sep 26 11:26:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j4l4m/i_gained_seven_pounds_in_a_day_how_is_this/
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This morning I posted because I lost almost six pounds this week fasting, apparently not. I ate under maintenance and the stupid nurse made me get on the scale and I’m seven pounds heavier than this morning. I’m so fucking distraught. I wish I didn’t eat at all and just died.
[Help] Movie theater snacks??
/u/hunnyangel
Created: Wed Sep 26 11:23:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j4kat/movie_theater_snacks/
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I’m going to the movies soon, but we are stopping at a store first. What should I get to snack on?? What’s your favorite low calorie snack that I can smuggle into the theater??
Please for the love of god help me so I don’t end up binging on popcorn
Reached 100 but...
/u/coffeeandcamels [5"4.5 | 16.9 | CW: 100 | UGW: 90]
Created: Wed Sep 26 11:17:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j4ief/reached_100_but/
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I finally reached 100 pounds today!!! It’s been flunchtating between 100-101 for the past few days so I wanted to wait and make sure I was actually 100. Just 10 pounds until my gw, 15 until my ugw!
I was feeling pretty good about it until I went to my second day of Starbucks training. The other new hire is an asshole, likes to insult me, etc. Like he said I was taking money from the government for my full ride to college (hell yeah, I am) and how I was “too smart” to be a Democrat when I mentioned something political. He’s just made the first day hell and ruined the second day.
I mentioned my eating disorder in the context of my honors thesis I’m writing (stigmas and eating disorders) and he just looked at me and goes “you don’t look like you have an eating disorder. You can’t tell at all.”
It was so triggering and rude and my body dysmorphia is off the charts anyway, so this made it so much worse. I’m underweight, have pretty low body fat, work out everyday, and have a 16.9 BMI, but I must still look huge to everyone.
I was so excited to finally hit 100. It means my goal is in sight. But now I feel like I look horrible and I’m wasting my time and this is all just bullshit. I want to cry.
Yeah, not looking forward to this job thanks to him. I love people!!!
I love cooking- but I never eat it all- anyone else?
/u/SugarMintSweet
Created: Wed Sep 26 11:16:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j4i3s/i_love_cooking_but_i_never_eat_it_all_anyone_else/
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I love going to the grocery store. I love browsing the food, or inventing/finding new recipes and spending hours in the kitchen trying to make something elaborate.
But then I never eat it.
I spent 6 hours making homemade pasta from scratch. Hand rolling and cutting the dough, shaping it over a fork.
Then I cooked enough for one bite, and froze it all.
My freezer is constantly full of foods I’ve made but don’t eat. Soups. Pastas. Tamales. I never thaw it out or eat it because I only eat food I’ve made fresh- or just like vegetables.
Things just go freezer burnt and get thrown away. Then I feel guilty because food waste and horrible and I’ve spent so much money on the ingredients.
But I keep doing it.
And here I thought the disordered eating I’ve been experiencing would save me money on food. Instead I’ve just become obsessed with it.
Anyone else here love cooking, but won’t eat it?
[Rant/Rave] When you try to eat maintenance and someone calls you overweight....
/u/lilmdjd [5’3 | CW: 130 | BMI: 23 | LW: 94| - 17| 23F ]
Created: Wed Sep 26 11:13:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j4h3y/when_you_try_to_eat_maintenance_and_someone_calls/
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So we were standing in the break room talking about BMI. Everyone is going around saying at what weight they’d be overweight (my office is obsessed w diet talk) they get to me and I’m like idk I think like 138? Which i think is true I’m not sure. Anyway, this dude looks at me and goes “oh so you’re right on the cusp huh?” I just stood there speechless.
You don’t know my life. You don’t know that I almost died of heart failure last year bc I lost 40 lbs so fast and was inpatient before I gained it all and then some back. You don’t know that I’m fighting so hard not to full blown relapse and I’ve lost 17 lbs in the last month and a half. I have a BMI of 123 and an above average muscle mass. I Workout 5 times a week and I’m a SIZE 4. What does this dude want from me? Why would you say that? Everyone always tell me I look like less than what I weigh, but what if he’s right?
The kicker is this dude found my Twitter before I made it private and there was definitely a tweet about my ed.
But it gets better. He then sends me some cryptic email about how nothing he says is serious and how he has nothing but respect for mental illness and addiction. What?
ANYWAY now I’m fasting for AS LONG AS POSSIBLE.
[Other] This had me laughing far too much u ok your majesty
/u/laurenwhats
Created: Wed Sep 26 10:56:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j4bon/this_had_me_laughing_far_too_much_u_ok_your/
---
https://i.redd.it/ixa5rc0k5mo11.jpg
[Discussion] Friends (tv show inspiration) - Jill gets fat
/u/LeeCarruthers
Created: Wed Sep 26 10:37:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j45jc/friends_tv_show_inspiration_jill_gets_fat/
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Every time my mind tells me “I’ve only gained 15 pounds, it’s not that bad” I think of this episode of Friends where Amy (Rachel’s sister played by Christina Applegate) is talking to Rachel about their other sister Jill.
Amy says Jill has gotten fat, Rachel’s in disbelief.
Amy: Mom says she’s gained like 15 pounds. Rachel: :O! Hips and thighs? Amy: Ass and face. Rachel: OH GOD.
At least that’s how I remember it.
Where’d I gain my weight? Ass and face (and midsection, but who’s counting hahahahaha).
I’ve been restricting, lost 5 pounds since Saturday. Now my motivation is how Monica’s dad talks about Richard’s “25 year old Twinkie in the city” before he knew it was Monica. I’m 25 for a few more months. I want to be considered a Twinkie !!!!
Side note: I really like how Friends was so cool talking about weight. Monica never wanted to be fat again, Monica helps Chandler get back in shape after he’s gained like 10 pounds, plus the above example.
Does anyone have any other examples from TV shows like this?
[Rant/Rave] Customer at the froyo shop: “I couldn’t work here and be skinny like you!”
/u/lynnB123
Created: Wed Sep 26 10:33:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j444w/customer_at_the_froyo_shop_i_couldnt_work_here/
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[[[cheers in eating disorder]]]]
Little does she know I always eat a giant cup of sugary froyo for OMAD when I work bc if I eat normally the rest of the day I know I’ll binge on yogurt anyways ((: I am nutrition lmao
Sometimes I dream about liposuction
/u/saptashati [5'6" | 153.6 | 24.6 | 26.4 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 10:32:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j43qo/sometimes_i_dream_about_liposuction/
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My cousin just got back from getting a very aggressive weight loss surgery in India. They wouldn’t give it to him here because you need to demonstrate a dedication to weight loss before they give it to you and he couldn’t do that.
We talked the other day and he was like how did you lose all that weight and I was honest I said “I ate a lot less” and he said something around the lines of “I’m only eating 1000 calories a day and you’re eating all that rice it’s not fair”. And I want to rage because I finally have a near ok relationship with food and a clinical psychological problem. He got to take the easy way out with surgery, I didn’t get to do that. I had to think about nothing but food and restrict and sleep hungry for months and years and I still get criticism.
Now my family is so worried about his food anxiety post surgery because he can’t eat spicy or fatty food as a result. But when I had an actual eating disorder everyone was basically proud of me. This is fucking ridiculous.
I want weight loss surgery so bad. I want liposuction to suck out every inch of fat on my body. I want to cut my skin, reach my hand inside me and throw out every inch of excess weight until everyone leaves me alone.
[Rant/Rave] "You look good" (My boyfriend made me cry)
/u/ciggiesandcabbage [5'1| CW: 88lbs | 16.4| -25lbs | F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 10:24:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j411e/you_look_good_my_boyfriend_made_me_cry/
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Rant: We were laying in bed and talking about deep important things and the subject of my eating habits came up. He said "You used to look sick, I was really worried about you. You don't look fat now and you don't look skinny. You look healthy. You look good." But there's a problem with that. I've lost weight since the time he was talking about. ALSO saying "you don't look skinny to someone with a restrictive eating disorder is something that would seem obvious as a trigger! Also that day I had been on my feet for 8 hours and working for 10, so I got myself a veggie burger and onion rings as a treat for exercising that much. So he told me, his sad bloated lover, that I "look healthy" despite being underweight (visibly, according to my friends). Now I can't even enjoy veggie burgers in peace. Sorry for long rant, I'm just really sad and upset.
“Friends” tv show inspiration - Jill gets fat
/u/dreabobeya
Created: Wed Sep 26 10:24:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j410w/friends_tv_show_inspiration_jill_gets_fat/
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Every time my mind tells me “I’ve only gained 15 pounds, it’s not that bad” I think of this episode of Friends where Amy (Rachel’s sister played by Christina Applegate) is talking to Rachel about their other sister Jill.
Amy says Jill has gotten fat, Rachel’s in disbelief.
Amy: Mom says she’s gained like 15 pounds.
Rachel: :O! Hips and thighs?
Amy: Ass and face.
Rachel: OH GOD.
At least that’s how I remember it.
Where’d I gain my weight? Ass and face (and midsection, but who’s counting hahahahaha).
I’ve been restricting, lost 5 pounds since Saturday. Now my motivation is how Monica’s dad talks about Richard’s “25 year old Twinkie in the city” before he knew it was Monica. I’m 25 for a few more months. I want to be considered a Twinkie !!!!
Side note: I really like how Friends was so cool talking about weight. Monica never wanted to be fat again, Monica helps Chandler get back in shape after he’s gained like 10 pounds, plus the above example.
Does anyone have any other examples from TV shows like this?
[Help] I need a seminar for my major. The only one being offered before I graduate is about Fat Studies. I want to fucking cry.
/u/Ep1cDuCK [5'7.5" | CW: 105 lbs | BMI 16.2 | ]
Created: Wed Sep 26 09:59:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j3sos/i_need_a_seminar_for_my_major_the_only_one_being/
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I'm a double major in Biochemistry and (for all intents and purposes) "Cultural Studies". I only need one more class--a seminar. Next semester, the only seminar being offered is about "Deviant Bodies". This is the first ever fat studies seminar being offered at my college--just my luck.
​
I'm so fucking terrified to take this course. I really really really don't want to talk about diet, health, obesity, etc. in front of a group of normal people--especially a group of strangers, and especially a group of Fat Activists. I am worried that I won't be able to successfully feign a fat-positive attitude, and as consequence I will do poorly on my papers and be shunned by my peers. I am worried that I will be unable to discuss such subjects aloud, or else that I will burst into tears during class. I am worried that class discussion is going to be full of "fat logic"--and that I'm going to be the bad guy if I say anything to oppose it. I am worried that the class is going to be triggering.
​
Should I drop my cultural studies major?? I'll still have my biochemistry major (for which I've already completed all the necessary courses) so my graduation won't be put on hold. I'm in tears. I don't want to lose my cultural studies major but this class is literally a nightmare scenario.
[Help] I keep gaining and losing the same 5 pounds of water weight
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | CW: 114 | GW:105 | UGW 100 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 09:53:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j3qvw/i_keep_gaining_and_losing_the_same_5_pounds_of/
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It's so frustrating. By Friday/Thursday I'm down to 115/114 but then I'm forced to eat on the weekend and gain it all back. I needa get past this and actually lose real weight.
Tried to give my friend healthy eating advice
/u/ThinCityHereICome
Created: Wed Sep 26 09:51:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j3q9x/tried_to_give_my_friend_healthy_eating_advice/
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My friend isn't fat, but she wants to lose a bit of weight. I've lost quite a lot of weight so she asked me for some advice, so I told her about CICO, and said she should eat 1500 calories a day and emphasised the importance of not skipping meals and eating a balanced diet. I don't want her to have an ed like me, so I made sure to give her good advice.
How do you come up with your target date?
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | CW: 114 | GW:105 | UGW 100 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 09:44:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j3ntg/how_do_you_come_up_with_your_target_date/
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I'm not asking how to reach it, but how to set one. Mine are always super unrealistic and I get discouraged. Like my first gw is 110 and I'm 117-118 now. Trying to lose water weight.So how do you go about calculating your goal date.
[Help] Need help recognizing/fighting irrational thoughts
/u/Gyuu
Created: Wed Sep 26 09:41:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j3mvg/need_help_recognizingfighting_irrational_thoughts/
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I’m sure you all know what it’s like to struggle with irrational thinking. We all have beliefs about our bodies or rules that we set for ourselves that we KNOW are illogical, but at the same time, we somehow “know” them to be true.
Recently I’ve been struggling a lot with worries that seem irrational. I was hoping that someone here could remind me what the reality is - even if I don’t believe my own logic, maybe I can trust another person.
For instance, I have this idea that even though I’m 5’3, 120lbs, and moderately active, my TDEE must be around 1000-1200 calories. There is plenty of evidence to the contrary: this month I’ve been restricting pretty consistently, eating around 700-900 calories a day, and I have lost around 8 pounds. If my TDEE was as low as I expect, then I wouldn’t be seeing these results, but I don’t trust that they are real. I attribute the weight loss to being dehydrated or the fact that I weigh myself in the morning before I eat.
I am working so hard at restricting, you guys. I get cravings every day and think about food constantly. I weigh every single thing that goes into my body unless I specifically plan/restrict for a “social” meal. I am tired all the time but I force myself to walk around and go to the gym when I can. But I cannot allow myself to eat what I want because I fear that my TDEE is so low that I’ll never recover from the excess of calories.
Over the last school year I gained a ton of weight from comfort eating, frequently bingeing, and sleeping all the time because I was depressed. Rationally, I know that I gained then because I was eating a disgusting amount. It should stand to reason that, if my TDEE is accurately calculated by online tools at around 1500 a day, I could eat a normal amount of food and not gain weight, especially if I stay active. But I don’t believe that. I truly think that anything over 1200 calories will cause me to balloon back to my past body and I couldn’t take that.
I’m losing weight but I’m getting depressed because it’s so fucking hard, avoiding meals with my friends and fighting the urge to binge all the time. I feel like I’ll never live a normal life.
Sorry, this became a rant. Basically I want to ask, danyone else struggle with this kind of thinking? If so, how do you calm yourself down? If not, what are your irrational beliefs?
[Goal] lost 11 lbs in a week and a half...
/u/suomenlapinkoira
Created: Wed Sep 26 09:27:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j3i7p/lost_11_lbs_in_a_week_and_a_half/
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...without even trying as my appetite is pretty much nonexistent at the moment
you could say i am quite ecstatic about this
Peach
/u/tipsytoess
Created: Wed Sep 26 09:20:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j3g0m/peach/
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Just downloaded it. Who should I add? Im tipsytoess.
well it helped me save money
/u/xlilgirlpoptartx [5'7 | CW: 203 | SW: 245 | GW:135 | F/37]
Created: Wed Sep 26 09:06:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j3bdu/well_it_helped_me_save_money/
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I'm a poor disable fucker, living off the government, basically, the money I get pays my rent and utilities and very little else.
My roommate, (yes that bitch if you've read other posts), is always fucking complaining about how she can't ever save money and it's so hard.
And yesterday I had to go out to an appointment, (I can't drive so unfortunately she's my ride), and she, of course, has to go through a fast food drive through on the way home.
She's shoving chicken nuggets in her mouth and lamenting about how she'll have to beg money off family to afford an oil change next month. And then saying how I could probably loan her some seeing as how she *knows* I must have some since I never eat out with her anymore, (and of course a guilt trip thrown in about how awkward it is that I will let her order something and make her eat in front of me while I sip on water).
And I realized how good it felt, to say that I couldn't, because I was saving up money for a tv and an xbox.
That NEVER would have been possible before.
So yeah i'm not exactly forming any new healthy relationship with food here as of late, (day 4 of a fast going on right now), but at least I can afford to buy some nicer things because i'm not constantly eating out like she is.
Which is probably just adding to the jealous tension in the house, but it made me feel a little more in control to realize there was at least some silver lining to the mess my life has become.
[Goal] Today’s meal plan. 641 total calories and a workout burning 537. I just wanna be at my goal weight alreadyyyy
/u/Poopburb
Created: Wed Sep 26 09:01:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j39kc/todays_meal_plan_641_total_calories_and_a_workout/
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https://i.redd.it/33yrlz24llo11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] I NEED TO LOSE 4KG BY THE END OF THE MONTH AND I'M ON MY PERIOD
/u/BroItsJesus [🍑 ebirdy | 5'4 | CW ? | GW100 | 18F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 08:54:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j3785/i_need_to_lose_4kg_by_the_end_of_the_month_and_im/
---
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
[Rant/Rave] Feeling like I'm not sick enough for treatment
/u/NeutralSmithHotel [6'1.4 | CW: 179 | BMI: 23.4 | Weight Lost: -191| M]
Created: Wed Sep 26 08:01:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j2r5e/feeling_like_im_not_sick_enough_for_treatment/
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So I started voluntary treatment last week (my ED loves that I did this before I was even thin) and I've been eating a bunch... its terrible. Just a week and a half ago, I could effortlessly do 900 calories a day while intensely working out (I know this aint shit to people who eat nothing, but I was burning a lot of fat every week).
Now when I shoot for 2100 I keep over shooting--had 2700 yesterday. 2700 is probably around my maintenance. I'm not binging, just eating more greek yogurt and protein and PB at the end of the day, but I feel like such a fat slob that I can't even stick to 2100 calories.
Makes me feel like I never had any self control and that I'm not really that sick. If I were really sick, I would have just stuck with 900... which is kind of what I want to go back to.
How am I supposed to
/u/coffeexsmokes [5'2" | 100 | -50 | 21F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 06:59:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j29i8/how_am_i_supposed_to/
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scream into the void if Peach is unavailable to me????
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I HAVE SO MUCH FOOD AND WORK STRESS TO VENT PEACH COME BACK
In other news, if anxiety burned calories I would be at my goal weight by now, even with all the stress snacking.
[Rant/Rave] Why am I the asshole here?
/u/rosecoloredidiot
Created: Wed Sep 26 06:46:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j2686/why_am_i_the_asshole_here/
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I swear, all of my posts are rants. But *jesus christ, y'all*.
In a group I'm in, a guy was talking about how you basically *need* to do keto to lose weight. That is pretty clearly not true. So of course I explained that it's calories in vs calories out because physics, and that a high calorie keto diet won't make you lose weight if it's over your TDEE. He went on about how tracking calories didn't work for him, keto is the only answer etc.
And of course, I look like a dick. For trying to be helpful and explaining how physics work! I wasn't even rude about it. Just letting people know that they don't need to adhere to these stupid diets in order to lose weight. (Not that keto is stupid, personally its not for me)
Gah. So much for trying to help ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Swollen epiglottis + Anime Recs?
/u/BEDBulimic [153cm | CW: 55.8 | GW1: 55 | -8.2 | 20F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 06:42:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j2540/swollen_epiglottis_anime_recs/
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What a random title lol (pls flair as help)
Basically a series of unfortunate events have left me with what I think is a swollen epiglottis
1. i’m sick with the flu
2. I’ve b/p’d like 10 times in the past 3 days
3. My throat was already hurting (like I can feel the epiglottis painfully)... and I choke on my omega-3 pill
4. Had some spicy korean food leftovers from rents’ dinner because I haven’t eaten korean in so long......
So basically my throat hurts SO FUCKING BADLY. It hurts to swallow my saliva, let alone water. It feels like my epiglottis has a fiery marble fucking attached to it and is sliding around in my throat. Send help.
SO I need something to distract me!!!! Please!!!!! I can’t fucking stress eat like I want to or it’ll make my situation worse.
So to my second point
> ** Please tell me your fave animes! I’m a total noob and I want to get into it! **
Like youtube weirdly recommended these eps of My Monster or something? about some high school kids and now I’m super interested in something light, funny, probs romantic, bonus point if it has delicious food.
I’ve watched Howl’s Moving Castle, Spirited Away + would love more recs!
Trying to stop purging
/u/lightswornmomma
Created: Wed Sep 26 06:30:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j21z7/trying_to_stop_purging/
---
Purging is inherently my vice. Restrict, eat normal amount, purge. It's my lifelong cycle. But my doctor called me the other day and informed me my potassium is slightly low. Not low enough to cause super concern, but low. So I decided I will do my best to stop purging. But this is so hard.
Do you know your macros for weight loss?
/u/subarremos [5'3 | CW: 99 | GW: 88]
Created: Wed Sep 26 06:29:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j21rp/do_you_know_your_macros_for_weight_loss/
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I used the bodybuilding.com macros calculator, enter my stats and goals and it delivered the following results:
- carbs: 115 g
- protein: 115 g
- fat: 26 g
Though I don’t think I can consume that much food, maybe I can try to increase my protein intake and lower my carbs intake.
Do you follow certain rules regarding macros for your weight loss? Or you just care about calories?
ED & sobriety
/u/hope_fiend
Created: Wed Sep 26 06:29:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j21pq/ed_sobriety/
---
I’m a few months sober, but by the end of my drinking and drug use, I was finally losing weight without really trying. I basically stopped eating - I couldn’t afford food (well, I could, but I preferred spending it on liquor) and I stopped feeling hungry because I was sort of in a daze all the time. I was also abusing stimulants which helped with the whole not eating thing.
That weight loss stopped as soon as I got sober...I started binge eating A LOT (always a problem but it got way worse, apparently common for people in early sobriety). Now that I’m back to restricting, I can’t help thinking I should go back to drinking/using. Which I know is crazy! but i can’t stop thinking about it - even something like using ephedrine would count as a relapse. And at the same time, if I’m restricting, I might not be using a drug but I’m getting a similar effect so am I really “sober”? It’s still an addiction fucking my life up.
Anyone else struggle with the relationship between their ED and their alcoholism/addiction?
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! September 26, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Sep 26 06:11:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j1xdc/daily_food_diary_september_26_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for September 26, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday September 26, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Sep 26 06:11:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j1xco/way_to_go_wednesday_september_26_2018/
---
This is the weekly achievement thread for September 26, 2018.
This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!
*****
Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
What are you craving right now?
/u/pillbus [5'0 | GW: 90 | 19F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 06:05:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j1vuq/what_are_you_craving_right_now/
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I have pumpkin bread in my fridge and I wanna eat all of it.
[Help] I passed out from the heat of the shower. Help me please.
/u/conuretrash [5'3.5''| 20 F | CW 150 | GW 115| -40 |]
Created: Wed Sep 26 06:00:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j1ul7/i_passed_out_from_the_heat_of_the_shower_help_me/
---
I’m so scared. I straight up passed out- I was getting so nauseous and light headed that I stepped out of the shower and passed out. My head hurts. I yelled for help and my roommate got me water. What do I do I’m so scared I have class in an hour I can barely move.
[Rant/Rave] Had 1000 calories today and feel like a failure :(
/u/narkreturn
Created: Wed Sep 26 06:00:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j1ul6/had_1000_calories_today_and_feel_like_a_failure/
---
This is why I’ll never reach my GW
[Tip] Make dessert flavour green tea more delicious with this one handy tip...
/u/BunnyAwesome [5'7"| F | CW 116 | GW 105]
Created: Wed Sep 26 06:00:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j1ul1/make_dessert_flavour_green_tea_more_delicious/
---
ZERO SUGAR SYRUP
I had some kind of next level idea to put my choc nut cookie zero syrup in a cup of caramelized apple green tea and BOOM
Absolutely gorgeous 🔥
I've also tried coconut and chocolate, and cherry bakewell with various dessert syrup and honestly it's amazing and scratches my need for sweet things.
[Help] How am I down 6lbs this week? Is it all water weight?
/u/conuretrash [5'3.5''| 20 F | CW 150 | GW 115| -40 |]
Created: Wed Sep 26 05:53:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j1syt/how_am_i_down_6lbs_this_week_is_it_all_water/
---
I’ve restricted very heavily for five days after a binge. My average net cal is 650 a day (I binged once at the start of this week). Is this just me entering ketosis and losing water weight? The last two days I’ve lost two pounds a day. I’ve also been really constipated so it’s not like I lost from that. I’m so afraid to break the fast and put it all back on. I’m also overweight still but two pounds from being a normal weight. I haven’t been drinking much water at all the past four days and have been instead having coffee/energy drinks/diet soda. What’s up with this? It has to be fake.
[Rant/Rave] Avoided pizza, lost some weight
/u/ArkhamBrothers [5’1 👻 CW:118 👻 GW:90 👻 F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 05:51:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j1se0/avoided_pizza_lost_some_weight/
---
Avoided the devil in red (those delicious pepperonis!) by not going into the break room and eating shredded chicken for dinner. Lost .4 lbs. not a huge deal but any day the scale shows lower is a victory! Got my Luna bar and a lime Diet Coke for breakfast and lunch. Wish me luck ya’ll!
I’ve been keeping on track lately and I’m seriously so proud of myself! Hope you all are doing well in your weight loss journey yourselves! 😊
on hitting a new LW, body dysmorphia, my inability to eat normally, and youth
/u/duskedfur [5'7" | CW: 104 | 16.2 | UGW: 100 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 04:45:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j1dsg/on_hitting_a_new_lw_body_dysmorphia_my_inability/
---
today my scale told me that i was 101.8 lbs. i weighed a few times to make sure, changed the batteries in my scale, all that. 101. some people in my position would be jumping for joy that they're so close to their UGW but you know what i did?
cried. i sat down and sobbed. my scale sits in front of the full-length mirror in my dorm. i cried because you know what i had been doing before i weighed myself? staring in the mirror, pinching at my flab, thinking how fucking disgusting i looked. i continue to have the 'nothing will be low enough' every time i hit a goal, but i still keep making goals. because i can't stop losing weight.
i'm sick right now. i should be at least attempting to eat maintenance. i could barely even make it to 500 calories because i just couldn't force myself to eat. not that i wasn't hungry or anything, because i am hungry, but because of a mental block. this is dangerous behavior, i know, but i don't really care anymore. i'm just so used to losing weight and hating myself for eating that i don't want to change my routine.
some days, i'll want to recover and i'll eat around maintenance and then i'll end up purging it because i can't fucking stand to have those calories inside my body, and i'll fast or restrict the next day. i don't even know how normal people eat anymore. my binges don't even happen when i'm hungry because i don't eat when i'm hungry. they happen purely emotionally and me being 'full' doesn't stop me from continuing to eat because i just want to eat. when i'm not binging i'm either fasting or restricting. i'm never maintaining because i don't fucking know how to at this point.
it is surreal, though, to know i'm losing my youth to this disorder. i'm in my early adulthood and i should be enjoying my freedom and youth but i'm consumed by a disorder that will damage my health and relationship with basic human sustenance for the rest of my life. i'm completely aware of this and yet i won't choose to recover. when/if i do recover, i'll regret wasting time hating myself when i should have been having fun. there is nothing poetic about a loss of youth and innocence, it's disgusting and sad. i hate being fucked up, but i refuse to change, because i fear and loathe who i am when i'm 'normal' because i'm fucked up.
sorry for using this sub as a diary, but i'm thankful for this community for listening when i can't talk about this to anyone else.
THIS IS PEACH DAD
/u/Discountmein [🍑 5'6" | 146 | 77lbs down | Agender]
Created: Wed Sep 26 04:39:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j1chd/this_is_peach_dad/
---
Is Peach down for everyone?!?!? I am flipping out kiddos xoxo Dad
Flavored chapstick
/u/moon___night
Created: Wed Sep 26 04:08:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j1673/flavored_chapstick/
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Who else uses flavored chapstick? It feels a bit ridiculous but sometimes it helps when I'm craving something sweet. I have a Burt's Bees mint chocolate and I used to have a green tea & mint one that I loved before I lost it. Do you have any brands or flavors to recommend?
[Goal] First day in over a month I did not purge 🙌🏻
/u/armheartbrain
Created: Wed Sep 26 03:57:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j13wr/first_day_in_over_a_month_i_did_not_purge/
---
I felt amazing brushing my teeth for the night and getting in bed knowing I did it throw up yesterday. It was a lot of mental work and an accomplishment I felt really good about.
Waking up today I sorta feel like an idiot for being proud of something like that. And I know it is going to be just as hard today. It's going to be hard everyday for a while. But I do really want this. It's just a little painful to wake up today and realize this is going to be something I have to consciously work toward everyday.
Having a bad day
/u/PizzaCutter
Created: Wed Sep 26 03:56:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j13qr/having_a_bad_day/
---
So I'm running on four hours sleep.
I'm in between ed and recovery, on a good day I can do it, but today's not a good day.
My hubby is helping me I guess, but it's hard, he doesn't really get it. I can't just decide to eat something, some days I need him to encourage me or to tell me it's ok to eat something other than the safe stuff.
I told him I needed that tonight, but he just couldn't get it.
So, after a lot of hard work, I convinced myself it was ok to have a grilled cheese (all of 200 calories)
And I burnt it. My last two slices of bread. And it just pushed me over the edge.
The dog enjoyed it though.
So now I'm crying over a burnt grilled cheese taking it as a sign I shouldn't eat anything anyway.
I'm exhausted, I can't fight it on my own, but tonight that's exactly where I am. On my own.
Can’t take a 💩
/u/subarremos [5'3 | CW: 99 | GW: 88]
Created: Wed Sep 26 03:21:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j0xdc/cant_take_a/
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I haven’t gone to the bathroom in like 3 days, though I want to, I can’t. My belly looks so bloated and Im like 1.5 kilos heavier (ew), even though Im restricting. Its so frustrating. The cherry on the cake is that I got my period this morning (I thought it was gone forever)
I have had all foods that make you go to the toilet like coffee, oatmeal, fruits, etc, but I can’t. DAE has this problem?
I will have to buy laxatives, which I have taken like once in my life.
Anyway, any advice? 🚽
My mom keeps "body checking" me.
/u/eeeerrrrrrr
Created: Wed Sep 26 03:08:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j0v21/my_mom_keeps_body_checking_me/
---
My weight has fluctuated wildly in the past couple of years. I have been from obese to normal weight and back more times than I can count. My mom has taken note of all of this. Right now I am overweight bordering on obese and she's been nagging me to "just lose weight." As if it's that fucking easy.
Regardless, currently I am pretty deep in restriction and the weight is coming off quickly. That's what eating 600 calories a day while working an active job will do. Aside from the crippling depression, I feel pretty good about my weight loss even if it is entirely fueled by self-hate. At least I'm not binging (as often) anymore, which always makes me feel out-of-control and even worse about myself.
My mom is incredibly "supportive" of my weight loss. I know she means well and just wants me to be a healthy weight, but damn she is clueless as to how fucked up I am mentally. Lately she has been "body checking" me to see my progress by wrapping her hands around my arm and then commenting on how much smaller it's gotten. I fucking hate it. Not only because I don't like her touching me, but it also reminds me of how far I need to go.
So... what can I do to get my mom off my fucking back? I don't even want to talk about anything weight-related with her, or anyone for that matter, and I especially don't want her body checking me. She has no sense of personal boundaries and I'm afraid I'm going to snap and smack her next time she tries.
Oh, and I'm not the only one she does this to. My sister is 5'0 and 110 lbs and she body checks her too! And then comments on whether my skinny little sister had gained or lost weight. What the fuck.
[Rant/Rave] praise the gods for green tea 🍵
/u/annoyingdoggy [154cm | 48kg | F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 02:23:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j0n4o/praise_the_gods_for_green_tea/
---
you mean there’s a zero cal beverage that doesn’t leave me shaking and anxiety-ridden (i’m looking at you coffee). sign me the f up
[Rant/Rave] I am T R I G G E R E D
/u/edthrwy776
Created: Wed Sep 26 01:58:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j0iq1/i_am_t_r_i_g_g_e_r_e_d/
---
hi everyone, I’ve been a lurker on this sub from my main account for a long time now but I’ve decided to make a throwaway account so I can post on this sub (i can’t risk people finding me here from my main account).
I was backing up my photos tonight and I thought it would be fun to take a stroll down memory lane and look at my pictures from the last three years and oh my god that was a bad idea.
I’m looking at all of these pictures from when i was at my high weight and holy shit I was huge! And I was in complete denial. Looking at these photos makes me want to die I’m so embarrassed that I ever looked like that and no body even told me how huge I was.
I’m not hating on being overweight, I just hate my body enough as it is and seeing me look like that is just really triggering me to want to die I can’t believe I was ever that big.
Idk if this is the right place for this but I just needed to vent, I just feel so alone rn.
[Discussion] Can you pin point where you eating disorder ‘began’, or the final straw that caused you to develop an ED?
/u/ifonlyiicould
Created: Wed Sep 26 01:25:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j0cmw/can_you_pin_point_where_you_eating_disorder_began/
---
Are you able to remember a certain day where things were different and you realised food was no longer under your control?
For me it was meeting my current boyfriend for the first time. We went out to a park to walk around and I saw an ice cream shop. I had already been unhappy with my weight for as long as I can remember and had recently got out of a LTR so had extra weight from the break up (At this point I was 76kg/167lb). I pointed out the ice cream to him and suggested we got some. He said he wasn’t hungry and my mind was BLOWN! I realised I wasn’t hungry either, I just wanted ice cream... Suddenly I realised that the reason I let my weight get out of control was because I ate for the sake of eating the food, never because I was hungry!
Fast forward a few weeks of me eating ‘normally’ (what any usually person dieting would eat) and he partner would constantly say how great I was looking, all of my friends were suddenly gushing over how I looked and for once, I was the pretty one. I realised that I was able to skip meals and I realised I could lose weight faster by skipping meals and getting by on as little as I can. Now if I eat more than one small meal a day I view the day as failed.
This was 6 months ago and I am now 57kg/125lb. I know my progress is slow in comparison to some, however I can’t wait to lose more.
How does your story start?
I started using meth again tonight
/u/twaked0uts0ap
Created: Wed Sep 26 00:42:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j045w/i_started_using_meth_again_tonight/
---
I should be back down to 115 in no time. Im so stoked.
[Discussion] An attempt at balance: outsourcing my meal prep
/u/piizza [5’4” | 132 CW | 110 GW | 22.7 | -12 lbs| F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 00:39:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j03o7/an_attempt_at_balance_outsourcing_my_meal_prep/
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My “””meal planning””””” has been all over the fucking place, y’all. My weight and energy are fluctuating all the time and my diet is either nothing or complete shit. I usually start snacking out of anxiety and it frequently snowballs into binging.
So last night while my mind was screaming too much to let me sleep, I looked up local meal prep services and decided to try one out.
I’m buying 10 meals for under $7/each and they are all under 500 calories. So next week I can eat lunch and dinner every weekday if I want to and can even pre-log it all!! As long as I don’t snack I should be under 1000 cal/day! And I guess if I freak out about the calories I can give the food to my roommate or something so it’s not wasted.
It’s probably not sustainable long-term because of the price, but I’m willing to try it for the sake of my anxiety (and packed work/school schedule).
For those who have successfully integrated meal prep into their schedules, how has it worked out for you?
Wish me luck, ya'll.
/u/curvylucifer [5'2 | F | drowning in coffee]
Created: Wed Sep 26 00:31:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j0220/wish_me_luck_yall/
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Not totally relevant to proED, but I'm scared and nervous. I'm wide awake in a city I've only been to once before with an hour and a half before I have to get up to go to my heart surgery.
I have a progressive (terminal) genetic heart disease I was diagnosed with almost three years ago and I've had a wide spectrum of ED's for almost 10 years which has me wondering every day how much my ticker has left to tick.
I've been strong and non chalant about the surgery up to this point. But now, I'm terrified and nervous and I'm struggling to keep it together for my support team here, which is my mom, her friend/a close family friend, and my boyfriend.
I know I'll be ok. This 5 hour procedure is supposed to help, and make my heart beat easier but, I just need a positive thought or two. Wish me luck, ya'll.
[Rant/Rave] Eating in front of other people/in public
/u/4gotmyfuckinpassword [172cm | CW: 68kg | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 00:22:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9j00ak/eating_in_front_of_other_peoplein_public/
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Ugh. Like sometimes I’ll just go back over it in my head - like scenes of me eating in front of other people.
I’m a pig when I eat. I eat quickly. I shove food down my throat. I’m greedy.
It’s disgusting and it’s shameful and I’m appalled at myself for being so careless and vulgar.
I feel like my worst traits come out when I eat.
My sloppiness. My laziness. My greediness. My inability to stop when I should. My gluttony. My stinginess with sharing.
I can’t believe I’ve let people see me eat. I can’t believe I’ve let myself be so vulnerable in front of friends and strangers.
I need to stop eating in front of people. Or if I do, eat slow. Eat dainty. Try to show good qualities about me when I eat, and not the fatass pig that I truly am.
I’m so ashamed of eating in front of other people. I can’t believe how willingly and plainly I showed people my flaws. I regret everything
Is peach down?
/u/unpollutedfantasy [🍑cucumberr]
Created: Wed Sep 26 00:03:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9izwk4/is_peach_down/
---
Ughhhhhhh
[Help] FUCK I COULDN’T PURGE
/u/kaylee_why [5’4’| CW124lbs | 21.3 | -31lbs | F]
Created: Wed Sep 26 00:02:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9izwgh/fuck_i_couldnt_purge/
---
My dumb ass waited too long in between binging and purging and I barely got anything out. It was immediately after the end of my fasting day too. FUUUCK. What do I do??
[Other] I'm on a trip and I won't let my ED ruin it
/u/staticphat [Height: 5'3 | CW: Jabba the Hutt | GW: Bikini Leia]
Created: Tue Sep 25 23:48:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iztly/im_on_a_trip_and_i_wont_let_my_ed_ruin_it/
---
I've already had mild anxiety today about calories, especially since I had to buy food from a place that didn't have calorie counts on the menus. But I'm not going to stress about it. I'm walking a lot - I need fuel. I'll be networking with people who will potentially give me jobs and other connections in the future - I need to have a solid mind when I talk to them. I can't fix this overnight, but I can try really hard to push it aside for a couple days (or at least that's what I tell myself), and that's what I'm going to do.
[Discussion] Did you personify 'the voice'?
/u/SalehRobbins
Created: Tue Sep 25 23:33:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9izqop/did_you_personify_the_voice/
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I'm just curious. By 'the voice,' I mean those thoughts you think to yourself. You're screaming at yourself not to eat, arguing with yourself over how much you ate, ostracizing yourself in your head about your weight. But the thoughts you think are so much different than your usual self. Like a completely different person is in your thoughts.
[Rant/Rave] Relationship on the rocks? Hello restriction.
/u/cobra_movement [5'6" | 164 | 26.5 | -19 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 25 23:25:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9izp0w/relationship_on_the_rocks_hello_restriction/
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I finally just got it through my thick skull that whenever I have guy troubles, I end up restricting. Boyfriend is being emotionally abusive? Physically abusive? Restrict. He's showing interest in other women? I'm cheated on? Restrict. He's neglecting my emotional and/or physical needs? Restrict. Break-up? Restrict. A guy I have feelings for doesn't like me back? Restrict. Jesus Christ, I wish I could handle my interpersonal problems like a normal adult...and yet I don't.
[Discussion] DAE love it when they get stomach flus?
/u/azuredreamtofsleep
Created: Tue Sep 25 23:21:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9izo8n/dae_love_it_when_they_get_stomach_flus/
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I hate being sick and puking in general but what keeps me positive during stomach bugs is knowing my tummy will look way flatter for a lil bit after it's over lol!
It's really dumb, and my stomach inflates again once I'm well enough to eat, but it's still a nice feeling! xD does anyone else feel similarly?
[Discussion] Reality is too harsh
/u/lilmdjd [5’3 | CW: 130 | BMI: 23 | LW: 94| - 17| 23F ]
Created: Tue Sep 25 23:08:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9izlh5/reality_is_too_harsh/
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When I’m low restricting, it causes me to sort of low level dissociate all the time. You know what I mean, the floaty detached half there feeling. It’s warm, it’s safe. It’s like there’s a layer of cotton between me and reality. It dulls the harshness. I know it’s there but I just don’t care. When I eat, I’m much sharper. Everything is too loud, too bright, too intense. It’s too much. My thoughts go too fast.
Does anyone else feel like this? That their restriction/ed sort of serves as a numbing agent for reality?
[Help] How the fuck do I not eat?
/u/boyyoufateatsalad
Created: Tue Sep 25 23:05:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9izkr6/how_the_fuck_do_i_not_eat/
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Please help! I need some tips and tricks
Appetite suppressant ideas?
/u/mmblarg
Created: Tue Sep 25 22:55:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9izidx/appetite_suppressant_ideas/
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Coffee works well - actually it works cause it upsets my stomach and gives me the poops... but it works. The big problem with coffee and me is that I hate coffee haha. I have to make it not coffee to drink it, which means lots of sweet and tasty to cover up the terrible terrible coffee taste followed by a heck of a lot more restriction cause I just burned up 200 cal on a damn drink...
Anyone have better suggestions under 200cal to curb that monstrous appetite and maybe have a little energy kick?
[Discussion] Heartbeat in belly?
/u/kernalmustache [169cm ♀ | CW 105lbs | BMI 16.7 | SW 130lbs 🌸]
Created: Tue Sep 25 22:40:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9izf3w/heartbeat_in_belly/
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Is it normal to be able to see your belly bump up with your heartbeat when you're lying on your back?
[Rant/Rave] I was triggered into fasting for a whole week [TW]
/u/Malebolgia999
Created: Tue Sep 25 22:31:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9izd9x/i_was_triggered_into_fasting_for_a_whole_week_tw/
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When I get so angry and upset over things somebody said to me, that had no right nor entitelment to speak about has triggered me into a fast - unintentiinaly. I've fasted before in the past, and the rage and anxiety I still feel over the whole situation has made me feel 0 hunger and no need for food. I'm unable to get a single bite before acid starts running back up from all the things in my head, as if I was trying to starve it away.
One part of me knows this won't last long and I'll end up binging away every item I have left in the house. The other part of me wishes that this agony lasts - fucked up right?
I'm afraid when I do start eating I won't be able to stop myself.. Anyway, thanks for reading..
[Other] Sorry I have to get this off my chest (TMI)
/u/gothicapples
Created: Tue Sep 25 22:23:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9izbg1/sorry_i_have_to_get_this_off_my_chest_tmi/
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I have to poop so freaking bad and nothing is helping I don’t want to take laxatives because I will have to take at least 30 for them to do anything (previous lax abuse)
Does anyone have any other suggestions?
[Help] I need to recover before the end of this year or else my gap semester turns into a gap year.
/u/speedingsloth
Created: Tue Sep 25 21:58:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iz5pa/i_need_to_recover_before_the_end_of_this_year_or/
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I know recovery can be very zig zaggy but I need to freaking heal. Not sure how I can go about doing it, tbh.
I’m super lost right now and have absolutely no motivation, no power or will to do anything.
Please please tell me what to do
[Help] how long do you wait between eating at night and weighing in the morning?
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 95 | 17 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Tue Sep 25 21:57:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iz5jf/how_long_do_you_wait_between_eating_at_night_and/
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the first thing I ever want to do when I wake up and get undressed for the shower is weigh myself - but I know this is dumb because I generally eat so late. Like today I had no problem not eating a thing all day - then something really bad happened and I just started stuffing my face and drinking. Thankfully I haven’t allowed myself to grocery shop so it was all mostly safe foods - in about 30 minutes I went from a 0 calorie day to a 700 calorie day - but there have been way worse binges so I’m okay with it...even if I’m broken hearted, idk, it’s weird I’m even thinking about this but how long should I wait between now (midnight) and when I weigh in? If I do it at 10 am as usual I feel like the food won’t be as digested as if I tried to wait - I just don’t know how long is best to wait....does this make any sense? Day 2 under 800 calories like I promised myself - I just want to see some damn progress you know? 😔
Fasting
/u/cortizonegnome [5'3" | bingetastic CW: 107 | GW 92 | UGW 88 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 25 21:55:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iz4w4/fasting/
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I feel like shit. Like absolute shit. I've binged so much my stomach feels tight and I feel groggy and gross. It's 11:52 p.m. right now and I've decided to fast for the next two days. It's ambitious because I've never fasted for more than 24 hours but the thought of food and the smell of it on my mouth makes mew want to puke and I feel so rolly polly that I can't move without feeling my stomach slosh around. So idk ig if anyone else in the universe happens to also be post-binge right now and has also decided that they need a restaurant we're in this together. pls complain at me in this thread or even dm me if you want a fasting buddy. idk if this is a rant or a rave or a discussion or just me shouting into the void but I need to tell someone. my eating has been extremely emotional recently but the more I wreck my body the worse it makes me feel. I need to reset.
[Rant/Rave] my counsellor told my mum
/u/seeyasis
Created: Tue Sep 25 21:47:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iz36k/my_counsellor_told_my_mum/
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my counsellor was the one who picked up on my disorder first, i wasn’t the one to bring it up, but once it was brought up i told her the things i struggle with constantly, and the things that worry me the most. i told her i was fine though and that i knew what i was doing but she told me she wanted me to gain some weight by eating regular meals. i didn’t and ended up losing weight, but i still felt like i didn’t have a problem serious enough for an intervention. i went back today, and i had observations done, to which she told me i was dangerously close to being underweight. to this i was like, “but i’m not, so we good lol” but she brought in a doctor and he did more observations and then they both sat me down and told me they needed to tell my parents. i said no, but they said since i posed a risk to myself it was their legal right to tell a parent. i begged and begged for them to just give me a week but they couldn’t and so my mum was brought in. she reacted in the way i expected her to - “but she eats?” “do you just want to be skinny?” “what else is wrong with her” “ive had to go through so much because of you” “i thought you weren’t depressed anymore” “why didn’t you tell me”.
i know she’s going to force me to eat and i’m scared for what’s going to happen.
[Discussion] Will I ever truly see my reflection for what it really is? Or will I ever be happy with what I see staring back at me?
/u/hollowedheart_
Created: Tue Sep 25 21:42:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iz1ug/will_i_ever_truly_see_my_reflection_for_what_it/
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My parents and brother say I’m “very thin” but I never ever see it. I’m guessing I have bad body dysmorphia, I don’t know. Or then maybe I’m not really thin? I just know I need to lose more and more. I think I already surpassed my GW- but I’m too scared to weigh myself. All I know is I want to rip my fat body to shreds when I look in the mirror. I don’t feel thin enough. I want to be insanely thin- very bony. Will I ever see it? I’m thinking perhaps not. I don’t know.. ALL I want is to BE HAPPY with what I see. I’m begging to see what my parents see. I’m not content with I see. This mental torture...
[Rant/Rave] The absolute worst: eating other people's foods aka being the worst human being
/u/hidesnducks
Created: Tue Sep 25 21:42:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iz1u2/the_absolute_worst_eating_other_peoples_foods_aka/
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I am a horrible horrible horrible disgusting waste of space. I just binged eat a whole pot of spaghetti, so my mom didn't get to eat that for dinner. She had to settles for a quesadilla. I apologized. She told me if I really love her then I wouldn't eat her share. I am ashame right now and I wish I could take it back. Yes, I am horrified at how disgusting I am. I don't even feel human anymore.
[Rant/Rave] today was going to be my last hurrah with junk food after a heavy binge laden week and i can’t even do that right
/u/ScrunchiesandDraino [5’8”| CW: 249| BMI: 🐋|20F]
Created: Tue Sep 25 21:23:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iyxcr/today_was_going_to_be_my_last_hurrah_with_junk/
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today i made myself puke for the first time since july. and what’s weird is i know how to do it. you binge and puke it up as SOON AS U CAN, but today i grocery shopped and had all my binge food by 9am, binged all fucking day, and only now before my shower at 8pm did i decide to purge.
i do not know why i am the way that i am but i guess i’m just so fucked up i can’t even have an ed right. wish me luck on attempting restricting starting tomorrow (i’m not going super low i’ll keep between 1000-1200 so i’m less likely to binge)
I hate how skinny girls are pressured to lie about what it takes to maintain their body
/u/peacecorpsquestion3 [5’6 | 116]
Created: Tue Sep 25 21:18:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iyw3a/i_hate_how_skinny_girls_are_pressured_to_lie/
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Gotta preface this with a) yes I’m not even that skinny and b) yes I’m aware that there are many people who truly maintain BMIs between 16.5-18.5 without putting any thought to it
I’m so tired of hearing about how I’m naturally skinny apparently or hearing people say shit like “id love to have your body buuuut my metabolism!!!” because this shit ISNT natural. I’m thin because I run every day and eat 1000 calories a day with the occasional binge.
I feel the same way when I see models/people who are paid to be skinny pretend that they eat 10 slices of pizza and a gallon of beer a day. I know it’s part of the whole wanting to look cool and carefree thing. I don’t even blame them though, because if they told people what they really did to maintain 5’11 and 120 lbs, they’d be crucified.
It’s just so annoying, like how we have this society where we idolize being skinny (being UNDERWEIGHT) but at the same time shun any behavior that helps maintain a skinny body. Why do we have to make it look effortless? Why isn’t it ok for skinny girls to say that they’re skinny because they work out and count calories?
Sorry if this is one long ramble but I’m frustrated. As toxic as Asian diet culture is I do enjoy the refreshing honesty I get from my cousins about their diets and exercise patterns.
[Rant/Rave] so many EDs in social services
/u/snerckdrawer
Created: Tue Sep 25 21:16:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iyvpp/so_many_eds_in_social_services/
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I know we’ve had the “careers” talk before, but I used to work in medicine before moving into social services (focus on traumatized children) and I’ve been going to a lot more networking events recently....holy fuck, it’s not just my agency that has an INSANE number of employees with EDs.
At least in the medical office where I used to work, the majority of people either had normal/healthy eating patterns, or they were overweight but in line with US standards and content.
80% of social service workers I’ve met are obsessed with what they eat and (*almost* openly) struggling with anorexia or BED, to the point of constantly being distraught about food and bodies. Straight men are included in this...I feel like the whole culture is different.
My brain is awful and is also telling me: the workers who actually care about the kids are WAY more likely to be disordered.
I thought I’d like more ED friends but I don’t want to talk about food anymore.
[Discussion] People trigger me on purpose
/u/Nutellapples
Created: Tue Sep 25 21:09:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iyty5/people_trigger_me_on_purpose/
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My mom for example knows I haven't been eating normally for a long time now, yet she reminds me of times I used to binge or judges me when she sees me eating , it's gotten so bad I'm ashamed of people watching me eat I just feel like they are judging me.
I also told this girl before that i have lost weight and lied saying 'oh I'm sick' and she kept calling me fat and lazy and that she is skinnier than me ( she is 5'3 and like 80 lbs :( I'm so jealous honestly) , she says she hates being skinny yet the whole time we were hanging out she kept saying my appetite is too much and that I am eating too much ( I ate like 2 slices of pizza and she ate 1 slice and said she was full :( sorry I'm 5'11 and I cant be full on damn slice of pizza .. ).
Another girl also used to tell me to stop eating altogether and shame me everytime I'd talk about food or my favourite snacks.
So many people like this , my family and people I run into everyday. They all trigger me so bad and I end up shaming myself for even enjoying food. I feel like i deserve to starve to give others what they want and to prove them wrong at the same time.
[Discussion] I never really know how much I’m consuming?
/u/sunnyrai99
Created: Tue Sep 25 20:47:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iyo35/i_never_really_know_how_much_im_consuming/
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It always seems like y’all have a pretty good idea of how many calories you consumed or if you purged you know that you got it all? I’m assuming it’s bc you’re so anal about it which I understand but sometimes I feel very blind in the whole mess lmao
I’ll eat, log it, purge it and be like “did I wait too long? Did I get it all? How much should I count for? My binges and purges mash together so much that it’s hard to know. Like always I wish I could just restrict again haha. Any thoughts?
DAE procrastinate binge?
/u/Astrobadgr
Created: Tue Sep 25 20:38:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iylwx/dae_procrastinate_binge/
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Whenever there's something that I'm dreading and can avoid I use food as a way to avoid it. Like if I need to write a paper then I'll say that I should eat first, but then I'll eat WAY too much simply because I don't want to get to the paper..
[Other] She followed my personal IG and I don’t have a finsta.... what?
/u/FitCelery3 [5'7" | 118| b/f 11.4%| UGW 113 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 25 20:36:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iyl88/she_followed_my_personal_ig_and_i_dont_have_a/
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https://i.redd.it/qqr1ezh3who11.jpg
[Discussion] Looking for a friend to hold each other accountable through the day? :)
/u/binya__binya_
Created: Tue Sep 25 20:28:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iyj7g/looking_for_a_friend_to_hold_each_other/
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I’m in NY and would love to find a friend who I can text throughout the day to hold each other accountable/vent! Just saying my location for time zone purposes. My message box is always open!
SOS my roommates mom just knocked on my door and delivered a random giant plate of rice and salad, but ive been waiting all day to eat my usual dinner...now its just sitting in my room...no idea what to do and im starving but shes in the living room 😭
/u/sadiefb
Created: Tue Sep 25 20:16:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iyg4t/sos_my_roommates_mom_just_knocked_on_my_door_and/
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Looking for an anabuddy
/u/chunkychigger
Created: Tue Sep 25 20:14:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iyfv1/looking_for_an_anabuddy/
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I'm trying to fast for a month (ik it's dangerous but I high-key wanna die so it's fine) from now but I'll really need some support! Would anybody be open to PMing each other?
[Help] Anybody experience weight gain with antidepressants?
/u/Nutellapples
Created: Tue Sep 25 20:10:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iyer7/anybody_experience_weight_gain_with/
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I am currently taking prozac and I found it actually suppresses my appetite but I'm not losing at all. I'm thinking of switching to amitriptyline, anyone took it and experienced weight gain?
[Help] How much weight can I lose in 5 days with a 700 calorie restriction?
/u/binya__binya_
Created: Tue Sep 25 20:05:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iydia/how_much_weight_can_i_lose_in_5_days_with_a_700/
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I’ve only done a 1000 calorie restriction a while ago. I’ve been binging this whole week and have an event Sunday and I HAVE to come down. I’m done binging and purging ugh. Thanks in advance xox
[Rant/Rave] feeling proud of myself. just thought i’d post
/u/xlaaane
Created: Tue Sep 25 20:01:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iyc79/feeling_proud_of_myself_just_thought_id_post/
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https://i.redd.it/bsslf3rtpho11.jpg
[Goal] Meal planning for the week. I’m eating 641 calories and burning 536. I just wanna be at my goal weight alreadyyyyyy
/u/Poopburb
Created: Tue Sep 25 19:59:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iybuf/meal_planning_for_the_week_im_eating_641_calories/
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https://i.redd.it/r3djd5glpho11.jpg
Stupid period binges
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2, 146, -16, 21F]
Created: Tue Sep 25 19:57:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iybcc/stupid_period_binges/
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I haven't had a binge in over a month, But today I was just super PMSy and was hungry all day and I finally gave up and just ate. I'm up around 2,500 for today now, Which all considering it's probably not THAT bad. I just feel like extra shit because I was suppose to be upping my calories to 1200 tomorrow and now I feel like I need to make up for the binge first before I get healthy lmao
they're blue. deep blue. not my eyes.
/u/AriAir1994 [5'3.2" | 99 lbs | bmi 17.4 | 13% BF | 24 yrs]
Created: Tue Sep 25 19:51:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iy9le/theyre_blue_deep_blue_not_my_eyes/
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It's my hands. Most peeps here have probably experienced Cold Hands Syndrome, followed swiftly by White/Blue Fingers Time. We've all dealt with the blue-tinged fingernails. Big hurrah, poor circulation low oxygenation is the name of the game.
BUT. BUT BUT BUT. I recently hit lw again, only this time I'm not getting the usual blueness. I was using my right arm to prop up my body in lab. After a short bit, I looked down at my hand, and it looked like a HIDEOUS dark purple-blue spiderweb atop blue-ass-blue skin! My hand splotched blue and red, marbled red, then eventually, after what felt like ages, got back to its normal pale pink veiny marbleness. It felt painful yet slightly numbed, but I could feel the sensation of my friend checking for equal temperature (we're nursing students...).
idk, pals, its just WEIRD & kind of funny to have my body doing weird new shit to me this time around. I'm also having a harder time breathing deeply or even regularly this time. But again. Name of the game, or whatever.
[Rant/Rave] Everyone always copies me
/u/muesally [5’7 | CW: 160 | 25.1 | UGW: 110 | female ❤️]
Created: Tue Sep 25 19:44:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iy7r6/everyone_always_copies_me/
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I’ve had an on and off ED for awhile now and I don’t usually tell many people about it. Most just know of it as a diet. When I tell friends i’m trying to lose weight they immediately go into restricting mode. I’ve had multiple people start starving after I told them I was dieting. I didn’t even tell them I was actually starving. It’s so annoying! My current friend keeps bragging about not eating and she doesn’t even know the half of it.
[Help] On the brink of crying because of food
/u/victoria97viv
Created: Tue Sep 25 19:40:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iy6vb/on_the_brink_of_crying_because_of_food/
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I’m hungry , but I know if I eat I’ll just want to binge . If I restrict and don’t eat , I’ll be feeding my restriction side . And either way I’ll end up miserable and sad . Life is fun .
[Help] my chest hurts?
/u/itsyaboifranzi [5'0| 105.6 lbs | 20.6 | ~20 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Sep 25 19:37:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iy5zj/my_chest_hurts/
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im so anxious. i know i literally just posted here and im sorry for spamming but my chest had felt weird for the past day or so, and my chest started having a dull pain/tightness in the center and im panicking. i googled it, but it could be anything bc people dont usually have anorexia in mind when writing causes for health problems like this. im so scared. it's less there now, but my panicking isnt helping. do i tell someone? what do i do?
[Rant/Rave] guess who just got slimming leggings??????? :)))))))
/u/itsyaboifranzi [5'0| 105.6 lbs | 20.6 | ~20 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Sep 25 19:25:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iy2oy/guess_who_just_got_slimming_leggings/
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ya girl. thing is, i put them on and somehow i looked EVEN FATTER. im pissed. they were medium in womens too, and i usually fit in small teens sizes. i also got these adorable dotted tights and guess what??? they were so stretched and tight around my thighs and they were medium/large in womens. i feel so disgusted. on top of all of that, i overate like yhe fucking pig i am today and im still bloated/6lbs heavier from my period/eating like a goddamn animal. i feel so disgusted and i wanna throw up :)))) ))))
tl;dr: fat cunt tries tight things for once, discovers teen sizes are all vanity sizing and confirms that shes still fat.
Is anyone here overweight or obese?
/u/vladimirlovescake
Created: Tue Sep 25 19:12:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ixzih/is_anyone_here_overweight_or_obese/
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I've been battling ednos/osfed for nearly 10 years now and I'm almost 300 pounds, my lowest weight was 125. I always feel awkward actually engaging with ED communities because so many are very much "you can't have an ED if you're that huge" which is obviously a massive trigger that only adds onto my self loathing.
The boots I've been dying for were just delivered to my house.
/u/sadbucket
Created: Tue Sep 25 18:47:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ixsrr/the_boots_ive_been_dying_for_were_just_delivered/
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It's been a while since I bought some new shoes and I was super excited. I put them on right away and looked in the mirror and... ugh.
I feel like a fat poseur. It's the same way I feel when I try fun, heavier makeup. All I can think of is the phrase "lipstick on a pig."
On the bright side, I guess it's good motivation.
[Goal] I think I’d better go
/u/Heartfeltregret [5’4| CW:103| BMI:17.7| GW:95 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 25 18:44:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ixs7r/i_think_id_better_go/
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Welp. It’s time y’all. I’ve finally reached my breaking point, and I’m ready to recover. less than 10 pounds from my UGW and nearly 30 pounds lost, but I’m done. I’m so drained, I just want to be happy, and this is where I’m starting. I’m young. I want to be healthy now.
What's your view on whoosh meals? Do you have them?
/u/ameliasophia [5'3 | 107.3 | 19bmi |-19 lbs |GW:90|UGW :80 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 25 18:41:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ixr7t/whats_your_view_on_whoosh_meals_do_you_have_them/
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Obviously one of the major downsides of long term restriction is not shitting for weeks. Having one almost 'cheat day' can cause your body to flush everything out causing a whoosh in weight loss as everything leaves your body. Does anyone do these intentionally to keep their digestive tract moving? If so do you find that it helps?
​
Another plus side to these kind of whoosh meals is that having a regular breaks from excessive restriction can reduce the likelihood of re-feeding syndrome when you do try to start eating normally again.
​
Anyway just looking for anyone else's experiences really?
[Help] Snack ideas
/u/ihate-chicken [5’7” | CW:116 | 18.1 |]
Created: Tue Sep 25 18:40:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ixr3k/snack_ideas/
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I tend to eat a lot of snacks at night when I’m in my room. I’ve come to learn I’m a volume eater and just want to eat a lot, no matter what it is. (A lot is relative... I guess I’m probably not eating a lot A LOT but anyways)
Anyone have any good snack foods that can satisfy my volume eating? But that aren’t too high in calories?
[Rant/Rave] I am an idiot
/u/throneofweigh
Created: Tue Sep 25 18:40:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ixqyu/i_am_an_idiot/
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I'm really sick right now and I've been trying to find a way to get over it as fast as possible. Fasting made me feel like I was dying, 2 monster energies and a bowl (i don't know what I was thinking) obviously did not work, bingeing on everything I was craving because "recovery" didn't work at all...and it's only now that I'm realizing the ephedrine I have can be used for its intended purpose. It literally says decongestant on the bottle. I'm taking as much as I can and passing the fuck out.
[Goal] Halloween goals
/u/unecessarilymargie [5'3 | CW:120 |HW:160 |GW:99| Gender]
Created: Tue Sep 25 18:18:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ixlbx/halloween_goals/
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So this Halloween I have decided to go as the black swan queen- specifically Natalie Portman’s character in Arofonsky’s Black swan. I’m currently 5’3.5 and 120. I’m trying to get to 100 by Halloween, wish me luck 😭😭
[Help] Nausea with low restrict
/u/quinoaslut [5'4"| 110 | 18.9 | -10| Woman]
Created: Tue Sep 25 18:08:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ixikj/nausea_with_low_restrict/
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I’ve decided to go from a high restrict to a mid low about 500 cal a day. I’m at 490 rn bc I’m sick and made some lentil soup and that bitch has way more calories than anticipated. It’s only 4 hours later and my mint tea and juul are not helping. It’s not the hunger pains I just always get nauseous when I don’t eat. Particularly at night. I find it’s often easier to just fast bc eating a little stimulates my hunger. Any suggestions for rn/ how to deal with this in the future?
[Rant/Rave] Why does eating 1200 a day feel like binging
/u/thyme1999
Created: Tue Sep 25 18:08:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ixihv/why_does_eating_1200_a_day_feel_like_binging/
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I really think I screwed myself over, I’ve had an ED with off and on intensity since I was in 6th grade and I’m in college now. For years I’ve only been able to eat 12-1600 a day and THAT was my maintenance, despite what food calculators say. Really, for 7 years now if I eat more than that for a few weeks, I gain weight. So now I’m heavy restricting again around 5-600 a day and if I hit 1200 due to social situations I’m like well fuck..... I feel so full I could die...
[Rant/Rave] When you fit the clothes you couldn’t fit before and STILL feel fat...
/u/Rosebug1717
Created: Tue Sep 25 17:41:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ixbnu/when_you_fit_the_clothes_you_couldnt_fit_before/
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I can now fit into my outfits that I was saving for when I was skinny. It’s all a bunch of size 4 stuff. They are even kind of loose yet I’m still fat and think I need to go down to a size 2 now. Before I was sure size 4 would be perfect. It’s like I’ll get to size 2 and think need to go to zero. It’s never-ending *sigh*.
Not really ED related, just looking for some support and a place to vent.
/u/DinosaursAndStarStuf [5'3.5 | 103.2 | 18.0 | 31F]
Created: Tue Sep 25 17:35:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ixa1l/not_really_ed_related_just_looking_for_some/
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I started my current job last October '17. It's in weight loss. Our centers can either be corporate or franchise. Without going into any details, we are transitioning from one to the other. Back when I was applying for jobs, I quit cannabis completely to prepare for a possible drug screen. There wasn't one for this job, so after I was 100% certain that I had the job, I resumed smoking.
I was just informed today that we all have to submit to a new background check and drug screen for the changeover. That could happen any time between tomorrow and October 1st, next Monday. I am not going to pass. I am not sure what's going to happen, but it looks like I may lose my job. For what it's worth, I'm in a legal recreational state. I know that doesn't matter because it's still federally illegal.
To say that I feel this is unfair is an understatement. I just needed to vent/rant about it somewhere. Thanks, fam.
[Rant/Rave] Vanity sizing
/u/b-carbonate [5’6" | CW: 132lbs | BMI: 21.6 | 🏳️🌈 | 19F]
Created: Tue Sep 25 17:33:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ix9j4/vanity_sizing/
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Seriously what the hell with that?
I know that I’m not an XS like I’m a M and sometimes a L, very rarely a S but last time I was a H&M with a friend and I was looking for some pjs and saw cool pants, I take one that seemed to fit me and wtf, XS, I know it’s not body dysmorphia, I can tell that it was waaaaaay bigger than what a XS should be!
Idk what happened in France but so much brands are doing this shit and, what does vanity sizing change to the fact that someone is fat?
Ok I get it, it’s the point, making people feel better about themselves but in a while when every overweight people wears a XS, what are they gonna do?? Change it again?
Hurr Im so sorry for this mindless rant but it triggers the fuck out of me for some reason, I feel like vanity sizing has the opposite effect on me as I know it’s a thing, not like my 40BMI best friend who were like "wow I think I lost weight, I can fit in that extra elastic M pjs" and now she’s just eating like shit again (not the ED thoughts talking btw, I think that for most people 2500 cal a day is a lot and even more when you’re sedentary af) and I’m here livid and being angry on nothing!
Whatever man, have a good night :)
[Discussion] DAE feel angry when your s/o or friend eats less than you?
/u/Melon-mochi [5'7" | 116.0 | 18.1 | -51.5 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Sep 25 17:25:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ix7j5/dae_feel_angry_when_your_so_or_friend_eats_less/
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My s/o keeps telling me he’s worried about my weight, then eats 200 cals worth of dinner after I prepared 500 cal for myself. Today for lunch, he got both of us a small salad to split. He ate his without dressing, then got cranky when I turned down my half of the pita.
I feel like he intentionally tries to eat less food than I do. Jokes on him, I’m dumping out half my plate in front of him. Does anyone have any friends or family that you feel always make a point to try to eat less than you? Like, I’m petty as heck. If someone prepares a smaller plate than me, I’ll just stop eating my meal.
What are you favorite soup/noodle things?
/u/nikkapa
Created: Tue Sep 25 17:18:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ix5re/what_are_you_favorite_soupnoodle_things/
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Sometimes I just drink bone broth if I have a craving but I was wondering if anyone else has good store bought or homemade soups that are guilt free and maybe taste better than just broth?
[Rant/Rave] gimme my adderall
/u/pringlesbutthole [6’|F|CW:112.2|BMI:14.6|20]
Created: Tue Sep 25 17:18:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ix5jq/gimme_my_adderall/
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I’m sooo frustrated I’ve been trying to buy adderall off my coworker for like a week now and she keeps forgetting!!! EC stacking is okay but nothing takes my appetite away like adderall and I’m trying to get back on track and I’m sooooo fucking annoyed but I can’t say anything bc it’s rude but godDAMN bish!!! I want my addies :’(
[Discussion] I pretend plan binges on MFP. Anyone else?
/u/NutelllaBellla
Created: Tue Sep 25 17:17:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ix5fa/i_pretend_plan_binges_on_mfp_anyone_else/
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I used to binge like hell, but recently got a tight grip on restricting and losing weight.
I'm so food obsessed though that I watch YouTube videos of 10k calorie challenges and food reviews.
Then I begin pretending that I'm going to binge or do the 10k challenge, and I go in MFP for the next days entry and add everything I am craving to see what I would hypothetically binge eat. Cookie dough, ice cream, Cheetos, pizza rolls, mac and cheese, cans of betty Crocker frosting... and I just lust over all of it but don't actually binge.
Does anyone else do this?
[Rant/Rave] "So she thinks she might have a little eating disorder"
/u/metaphoric_mayhem [5'6" | cw: 115 | 18.64 | gw: 105 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 25 17:05:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ix253/so_she_thinks_she_might_have_a_little_eating/
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So I went to my initial appointment required by my university as the "hey this is what's going on" step, and they schedule you where they think you should go from there. Making the appointment alone was a huge deal for me because I'm very bad at accepting I need help with things. I walked there on the verge of a panic attack and trying to calm myself down.
And this man was so disgustingly ignorant.
I told him I was feeling kind of helpless going from excessive restriction to now bingeing every night and that I wanted to work on not going to either extreme. His response? "Ah, so you spent time this summer making your body empty so now you're just like *mimes someone shoving food into their mouth with both hands* ARG FEED ME!"
LIKE. WHAT?
AND THEN.
There was a general mental health questionnaire and he prefaced one of the questions by saying "I'm not saying you have but some people decide they want to hurt themselves and do crazy things like..." and went on to list them.
You. Don't. Say. That.
Strike 3 was when we walked back to the receptionist and he starts out by very loudly announcing "so she thinks she might have a little eating disorder."
I cannot you guys. I'm beyond frustrated.
[Intro] My story. Will I ever get better?
/u/_ThatGirl_InPink
Created: Tue Sep 25 16:56:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iwzks/my_story_will_i_ever_get_better/
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Hi everyone, I’m a long time lurker, first time poster. I made an account awhile ago to post and then never got the courage to lol. Anyways, I’m 23 and have had an eating disorder since I was 13. Basically about half my life at this point. I started out being bulimic and then one day just stopped eating and have been starving myself ever since!
I had an extremely traumatic childhood and my teenage years were just as traumatic. My father suffered a stroke when I was 15, leaving him completely paralyzed and suffering from severe brain damage. During that time, my ED really took hold of me and I lost a significant amount of weight.
I ended up becoming addicted to opiates through pills and then eventually got hooked on heroin. I loved the feeling of heroin and loved that it kept me skinny. At 17, I overdosed 3 times and ended up being put in rehab. At rehab, I never told anyone about my eating disorder. In fact, I had been in therapy for 3 years prior to going to rehab, and had never told my therapist. Although I think it was pretty obvious to her...we just never discussed it. Honestly, I’ve never told anyone. It’s been my darkest secret for all these years. I’ve never even typed it out until now.
I’ve tried recovery SO many times, and sometimes I’m sort of successful. I’ll have an okay relationship with food for awhile and be happy, enjoying life, and then I’ll gain weight. Once I gain 10 pounds, it’s over for me. I’ll pick right back up where I left off starving myself and lose all that weight plus more. I’ll think to myself “okay, yeah you look great, I guess you can enjoy food for a bit” and then the cycle repeats itself. I’ve been stuck in this never ending loop for years.
I’m 23. I still fit into clothes I had in middle school. I’m just a few pounds heavier than the weight I was when I graduated high school. I’m still obsessed with control, losing weight, and staying at a certain number. I wonder if I’ll ever get better. I wonder if I’ll ever want to. I enjoy being thin and having people think I have a super fast metabolism. I enjoy the feeling of starvation and the rush when I see the number on the scale is decreasing. Whether I see the changes in the mirror or not, I feel better.
My ED has been my only coping mechanism for most of my life and I’m afraid it’s going to kill me one day. I managed to free myself of the demons of drug addiction (I’ve been sober for 4 years!!) but somehow I doubt I’ll ever be able to rid myself of the monster inside me that fuels my ED.
[Discussion] Does anyone else think ANY food tastes amazing after a fast?
/u/Personal102 [17M | GW:130 | H: 6'0"| CW:160 | ]
Created: Tue Sep 25 16:51:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iwy9n/does_anyone_else_think_any_food_tastes_amazing/
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Finally fasted for 48 hours and I just ate 300 calories. 2 rice cakes, spinach, balsalmic vinegar, and an apple never tasted so good, holy shit. Anyone else think bland and boring foods taste AMAZING after a fast? It was one of the greatest and tastiest meals I've ever had...
Why do people get so offended when you refuse food?
/u/im-stressed-af-fam [5'3 | UGW: 108 | CW: binged]
Created: Tue Sep 25 16:49:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iwxnz/why_do_people_get_so_offended_when_you_refuse_food/
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I have 2 internships this semester. My first one always has food catered in. Whenever I refuse food, like a pastry, the person asking gets kind of uncomfortable. Today I started my second internship. Someone brought in donuts for someone else's birthday. My supervisor asked me if I wanted one and I said no, and she looked so taken aback and a little bit offended. Is this a normal reaction? Maybe I'm just incredibly awkward
[Rant/Rave] Baked beans and fried rice.... Urgh
/u/BigFrameSkinnyAddict
Created: Tue Sep 25 16:36:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iwtvg/baked_beans_and_fried_rice_urgh/
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I just ate like 2 fucking bowls of baked beans and fried rice, like, I'm still hungry and my stomach is huge like wtfffff
[Help] Epsom salt drink?
/u/celeryfordinner [5’5” | 113.5| 18.9| -13.5 | f]
Created: Tue Sep 25 16:35:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iwtn2/epsom_salt_drink/
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Has anyone done this? I’m curious what to expect.
People with naturally chubby cheeks, when did that start to go away ?
/u/peacecorpsquestion3 [5’6 | 116]
Created: Tue Sep 25 16:27:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iwrii/people_with_naturally_chubby_cheeks_when_did_that/
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I’m BMI 19 but my cheeks are chubby as shit and I look like a chipmunk when I smile. My mom has the most elegant looking cheekbones and facial structure but I’m like the polar opposite. Do y’all think if I go down to like BMI 17 (my GW) my cheeks will look less fat? I’m a teenager if that makes a difference so it might just be baby fat :/
“When im skinny” clothes
/u/heyimbored_
Created: Tue Sep 25 16:25:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iwqvl/when_im_skinny_clothes/
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So I’m trying to find some smaller clothes for my UGW and I was wondering if anyone knew anything good? I know primark has slim/skinny jeans but are there any others (for any type of clothes)
Is diet soda actually bad for weight loss?
/u/Astrobadgr
Created: Tue Sep 25 16:22:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iwq5x/is_diet_soda_actually_bad_for_weight_loss/
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This sub seems to love diet sodas. But a lot of people say it's bad for weight loss. Is this true, or just a common myth?
[Discussion] Dae log things you eat that are legitimately 0 calories?
/u/peacecorpsquestion3 [5’6 | 116]
Created: Tue Sep 25 16:21:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iwpr7/dae_log_things_you_eat_that_are_legitimately_0/
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I’m not talking about like celery or hot sauce but every morning I have to log my iron supplement and green tea. I feel so stressed if I don’t
I can’t get below 95 pounds
/u/dumb-bitch69
Created: Tue Sep 25 16:19:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iwp64/i_cant_get_below_95_pounds/
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I don’t know if it’s because I’m eating too much or because I’m plateauing but I’m stuck at 95 pounds
I'm terrified of my parents noticing my disordered behaviours but at the same time I'm angry that they aren't
/u/peacecorpsquestion3 [5’6 | 116]
Created: Tue Sep 25 16:12:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iwn96/im_terrified_of_my_parents_noticing_my_disordered/
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Sometimes I'm like.... "damn does my dad really not even care that I get home from school and eat one corn tortilla with sriracha and drink black coffee with sweet n low and then do homework until I go to sleep? does he notice at all? is he in denial? am I just not skinny enough for it to matter? is what I'm eating just normal and it's me who has a skewed view? do I not actually have an ED?" but then sometimes my parents noticing is my worst fucking nightmare.... ugh why am i like this
8 months ago I bought a bridesmaid dress and I'm wearing it this weekend
/u/rachelrayromano [5'4" | CW BINGE BLIMP | 19.86 |F]
Created: Tue Sep 25 15:56:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iwien/8_months_ago_i_bought_a_bridesmaid_dress_and_im/
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When I bought this dress, I purposely bought a size 4 knowing that I measured as a size 0 according to the website's size chart. In January I felt a binge-streak coming and I leaned into it, hard. Now I feel so heavy and flabby and just awful but for the past few weeks I tried to avoid excessive restricting so I could fit in this dress and not look like an asshole next to the bride, who is my best friend and also has an ED. I've been spending all summer balancing this binge/restrict bullshit so I can fit into this dress for one day. I can't tell anyone irl and I'm not about to dump any of this on my friend before her wedding but ohmygod after this weekend I'm going to restrict until my world turns upside down. I miss my low weight from last year. I miss how my clothes used to fit all loose. I miss my old, small self.
[Help] Easy way to help with constipation...
/u/refinnejjjj
Created: Tue Sep 25 15:53:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iwhtn/easy_way_to_help_with_constipation/
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Have one cigarette and then you’ll get explosive diarrhoea!!!! Works a treat!!!!!! Lol I can’t even with my body today
Anyone else too f*cking scared to go to the dining hall?
/u/ricemask [5'6" | CW: 150 | -3 | UGW: 115 | 20F | 🍑: riceemask]
Created: Tue Sep 25 15:51:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iwh8z/anyone_else_too_fcking_scared_to_go_to_the_dining/
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I started school yesterday and I live in the dorms and we're required to have some sort of meal plan. What is even worst, the dining hall is set up to be a buffet. We have one of the best dining halls on the West Coast - literally whatever you want, we have.
Fuck even our coffee is delicious but it's so tempting to get order an omelette from the omelette bar everything but I must ReeeeeEEEEesSISsTt
[Discussion] DAE feel like complete recovery with weight restoration would be an impossibility to them?
/u/sugafreedreams [18M / 181cm 🏳️🌈 HW: 101 (BMI 30.8) / CW: 56 (BMI 17.1)]
Created: Tue Sep 25 15:25:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iw9gc/dae_feel_like_complete_recovery_with_weight/
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Sure, I've made a lot of progress in regards to minimizing the amount of disordered stuff I do (I no longer count calories or weigh myself daily, purging has gone from daily to about once a month), but I don't see any possibility that I could just start eating whatever I wanted and truly recover/weight restore. I personally have a pretty unique reason as to why that is: gynecomastia, A.K.A manboobs.
I'm a CIS guy (not trans), but have inherited abnormally chest-heavy body fat distribution from my mom's side of family. I do have a tiny bit of actual breast tissue development that is impossible to get rid of with weight loss (actual gynecomastia caused by a mild hormonal imbalance), but like 90% of the boobs I used to have luckily turned out to be just excess body fat, and have shrunk so much with weight loss that I'm basically flat-chested now. At my current underweight BMI I can even wear slim-fitting size XS T-shirts without anything poking out or looking off.
Even back when I was obese and didn't have a "diet mentality" or care about body image at all, I REALLY didn't like the fact that my tits were visibly poking through my shirt no matter what I wore. It made me have extremely poor posture in effort to make them look less noticeable, which probably just made me look worse than if I would have just stood straight and let them poke out full force. My manboobs were actually the main thing that drove me to start losing weight in the first place, I really grew an intense hatred towards them, because I felt that they just weren't a part of who I am as a person. I guess it was a bit like the dysphoria that FTM trans guys feel towards their chest?
If I start weight restoring and without any restrictions naturally maintain a BMI of let's say 23 (that's highly highly optimistic), the boobs are gonna come back to haunt every single moment of my life once again. I even had them so bad at a BMI of 21, that I couldn't feel comfortable standing with proper posture if I was wearing anything remotely slim-fitting.
What's the point of truly recovering and letting go of diet mentality, if I can just continue living with a flat chest at the weight I'm at now? How can it be worth it? My ED is very under control and doesn't cause me daily torment like it used to, but I simply can't see myself ever accepting any weight gain that would make them visible again. What do you all think, do you also have an area that you couldn't bear to see change with weight restoration?
[Rant/Rave] I did it!
/u/cosmicjellyfish03
Created: Tue Sep 25 15:17:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iw75w/i_did_it/
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I’ve been struggling to get my binging under control and today I’ve managed to keep it under 500 calories!!! After my last job, I gained 10 lbs and it put me around my heaviest weight (130lbs, 5’4”) and I’ve been having a really difficult time with food since then. Here’s to hoping I can keep this up and get down to 115 before the year ends!
[Rant/Rave] Your arms are fat, have you been working out?
/u/BigFrameSkinnyAddict
Created: Tue Sep 25 15:07:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iw433/your_arms_are_fat_have_you_been_working_out/
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What the actual fuck. So today at school I went to sharpen my pencil, and an old friend of mine (I never really see her except for my last class) and she is just staring at me, and says "dang your arm is fat... Have you been working out?" And in my mind I didnt know if she just ment big as in muscle or my arms ACTUALLY LOOK FAT like wtf this ruined my afternoon little fucking comments like these from people who have no idea what they are talking about. Then my best friend Drake was talking to this dude about weight right? And I said that in the past 3 years ive lost 30 pounds, and he goes "yeah I can see that, your very cute sized" like omggg that shit right there lifted my soul and sent me to heaven 😍
[Tip] 22 cal Trader Joe’s cookies
/u/CrushedOats
Created: Tue Sep 25 14:58:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iw12i/22_cal_trader_joes_cookies/
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So I went to Trader Joe’s the other day and oh my god, their tons of cookies are actually super low cal if you do the math for them!! I’ve gotten the “quadruple almond butter cookies” and I know the name sounds super daunting but oh my god each cookie is 22 cals. 22 CALORIES. AND THEYRE REAL COOKIES. so please if you’re ever at tj’s and u need a treat that won’t make u feel like trash after eating them, look for the cookies!!
[Rant/Rave] Want to feel like shit about yourself??
/u/orthoreXXX [23F | 5’4” | cw 112 | gw 105 | bmi 19.6]
Created: Tue Sep 25 14:49:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ivylm/want_to_feel_like_shit_about_yourself/
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Try on a bodycon dress!
This morning, my stomach looked fairly flat so I tried on a bodycon dress that I’ve been saving for when I’m skinny, and BOOM I instantly looked three months pregnant with gigantic love handles! Woohoo! Great! Excellent!
He asked me out!!!
/u/Ewimfat
Created: Tue Sep 25 14:35:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ivu2w/he_asked_me_out/
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Hi I previously posted here : https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hcpgr/i_sat_on_his_lap_and_i_felt_so_horrible/ and yeah basically the guy asked me out 2 days ago now. He’s so sweet and he’s constantly picking me up or cuddling me and he makes me so happy haha. I’m kinda scared I’m falling too quick but I’m being careful!
I always feel bad when he picks me up and stuff though because he actually told me how much he weighs (He’s like 5’10 and is only 55kg) so I weigh 5kg more than him... so I need to get to 50 at least!
Is miralax (or similar products) okay to take every day or two?
/u/TinyJarOfRocks [5’1 | CW 107 GW 95]
Created: Tue Sep 25 14:35:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ivu1k/is_miralax_or_similar_products_okay_to_take_every/
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I avoid using actual stimulant laxatives as much as possible but miralax works great for me
[Rant/Rave] Swoon.
/u/audreyhepburnwho [no binge October~ Halloween goal 68kg cw 73kg]
Created: Tue Sep 25 14:34:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ivtz4/swoon/
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Hi guys. This is gonna be a storytime type of post only slightly related to my ED. Tbh the main point of this post is that I have no one IRL to share this with and I really, really need to share it with someone.... Long story short, I'm kinda falling for a guy that I've been seeing for about 2 months now. We've been hooking up and everything, in the beginning it was just fun, now Im really falling for him. One of the things that I love about him, is ED related. Stay tuned.
I havent dated in almost 2 years since I broke off a rather serious/long relationship, because I felt like I wasnt ready to be intimate with someone again until I reached my goal, and also because dating usually involves food and that is terrifying to me. My ED keeps me away from alcohol too so "grabbing drinks" is a hard pass. Going out to dinner, even worse. So yeah, no dating for a while. My ed thoughts keep me busy enough anyway so I didnt really miss it.
I met this guy, let's call him A, a very long time ago (I was still with my ex) at a party (a party where I was "on" a few redbulls and my heart felt like it was gonna explode but that's another story lol), at the time I didnt have any sort of feelings towards him but we hooked up at another party only 2 months ago. This party was a weekend long thing at a friend's place, but I managed to fast the whole weekend and no one noticed. That weekend I actually felt very happy with my progress and my body. I felt good and I was determined to hookup with someone. It was either gonna be this guy, plan A, or another guy I had fooled around in the past, plan B. (or, plan C, some totally random guy, dont judge.). I wasn't super sure if A was coming to the party but when he did I kinda put the moves on him, and at some point it seemed like it was working but I wasn't sure. At some point everyone was sitting around sharing some drinks and he gave me this look and I was like, oh crap, I need some alcohol in me. You see, A is attractive as FUCK. Like, more attractive than any other guy Ive been with, but like by faaaar. When I met him I thought he was beautiful and like completely out of my league. I think it was the fasting high that gave me the confidence to go for it, no joke. Anyway, I got up to get something to drink, decided on some white wine, and in my fasted state it didnt take long for it to work. I hadnt been drunk in months (thx ED) and man, I had missed it. The feeling of total confidence. Drunk me took total control of the situation and got exactly what she wanted, plan A.
The next morning, I got some coffee, and me and A spent the whole day together, kissing, cuddling, and hanging with our friends. I didnt eat the whole day, and A didnt question me on it. At some point I went to help some people with cleaning the kitchen, and afterwards may have told A that I had already eaten.
Before leaving, A asked me for my number, and we started meeting semi-regularly after that weekend. The first times we just met at a park, no meal plans involved, and then we started meeting at either his or my apartment. We hang out, have very cool conversations, hook up, make out, cuddle, he smokes, I drink tea or coffee... We've actually talked about food and I loved what he said: he said food is a practical thing, a survival thing, and that he goes days on end eating the same thing because it's more convenient. I said that I dont like eating at restaurants because I get the feeling that I could cook the same things at home and make it cheaper, and also that I don't like how people make food such a social thing and I'd rather eat if/when Im hungry instead of having fixed meal times (this is, ED aside, very much how Ive always thought about mealtimes). He agreed. Score! So not once have we eaten together. We usually meet after work, he's mentioned that he's going home to shower and eat something before we meet, but some days we were together from like 5 pm to midnight, and none of us ate anything during that window. I love that he doesn't question me, and I also love that he goes a long time without eating. My ex boyfriend could barely make it to 3 hours without complaining of being hungry which was super inconvenient when I planned afternoons out with him.
Now, I know what you might be thinking, maybe A has his own ED. I don't know, honestly. He has an amazing body, slim, just enough muscle, I've seen him eat when we were at parties together before we hooked up, I have no clue but I suspect he's just similar to what I was before my ED started - food is practical, not social.
Either way, the point of this post is, now Im totally falling for him, he's amazing, funny, intelligent, did I mention drop dead gorgeous? Makes me feel tiny cuz he's so tall, makes me feel beautiful, gives me a ridiculous amount of motivation to restrict the days before we meet so I can look as lean as I can, and we have such a great fucking time..... And not once did I have to stress about eating in front of him and that just makes me so happy. I have a feeling he's also developing feelings for me too, because the vibe between the two of us, and the vibe I get from him, are kinda different now than when it started, where it was more of a friends with benefits type of vibe and now it's more cutesy/romantic. Im not gonna rush anything though, just gonna enjoy things as they are at least for now, but it feels fucking amazing to feel like this since I hadnt felt these butterflies in years.... and I just really wanted to share. sorry if this post is all over the place!!!
[Rant/Rave] needing some support today.
/u/winterfoxes_
Created: Tue Sep 25 14:34:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ivtxc/needing_some_support_today/
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so..fuck. the month of september has been such a blur, i can barely even recognize myself anymore. i feel like my friends are beginning to notice my bizarre behavior around food and they’re slowly distancing themselves. i wasn’t invited to wing night last night, so i took a walk and ended up at a bar up the street from my house. i met some welcoming people at a near by table and they gave me some shrooms. i ate a small amount and got drunk on a completely empty stomach. woo. i messaged way too many things to a person of interest as per usual and of course it’s typical for me to be ignored like this once again. i’m never good enough for anyone. not even myself.
now i’m hiding in a hotel lobby’s bathroom and having a full blown panic attack over something i have no control over. it’s been an exhausting day already and it feels like everything is slowly closing in on me. at least the lighting is dim in here. i’ve barely eaten anything in over a week and when i do, it comes back up. i feel like a child, even though i technically have most of my shit together on paper. i make more money than all of my friends, strangers love me, my job is secure, great family..fuck, wtf is wrong with me. so many things.
thank you for letting me vent. i feel so alone and afraid at the moment. you all are always so kind and understanding. love.
tfw you almost cry because of Starbucks
/u/sloggingon [FtM 5’6” | CW gross | UGW 99]
Created: Tue Sep 25 14:22:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ivqbn/tfw_you_almost_cry_because_of_starbucks/
---
I wanted a maple pecan creme frap but I wasn’t sure if this location had them. According to the cashier they did, so I ordered one, got to the station to wait for it, and was told they actually didn’t. No big deal, I just asked for a pumpkin spice creme one in place of it.
I had ordered a tall, nonfat, no whip, and was given a grande with whip, so I’m pretty sure it was made with whole milk too. Took me a while to realize it was even my order because, well, that’s not what I was expecting. So by the time I drank any of it, it was melted and tasted kind of gross. I ended up throwing 90% of it away and wasting $5. Almost cried over it when I was walking back to my room lmao.
I feel so fucking pathetic for being so upset over this. I had planned for that goddamn frap; I really wanted to try it. Guess I’m just never going to that location again (not even the first time they’ve done something I didn’t like but it’s the closest one to me so I brushed it off).
[Rant/Rave] Raving about things my boyfriend says (NSFW)
/u/onepostforme
Created: Tue Sep 25 14:07:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ivlnb/raving_about_things_my_boyfriend_says_nsfw/
---
I saw someone who commented that they love to read the relationship related stuff on here and felt inspired to share.
Five days ago he was leaving for work and I was sitting in my sports bra and shorts with a blanket wrapped around me smoking a cigarette. He was just about to leave and we kissed good bye and he said my arms looked "so muscular" and I could feel the disbelief on my face. I said "really?!?" And he said yeah and smiled and lightly pinched the back of my arm and I was like even back there?!? And he said yes and laughed at me and it made my day. He has such strong arms and I used to years ago but even after loosing weight they have felt jiggly for too long. I've been working out though and it really helped me see some progress. He wasn't lying I just hadn't seen it, and it has made me feel like I'm achieving my goal astatics and not just numbers on the scale. Even when I weigh less than this my arms usually looked worse and I can lift more for longer now and I don't know if I would have noticed or cared if it weren't for him.
And then yesterday he came home so I got off the treadmill mill and refilled my water and he told me I looked "so skinny" and I blushed like mad even though I had been thinking the same thing. I hit a lower weight yesterday that had been a mini goal and I told him and he told me that was good. We had sex later on in the night, and the sex was great but what made it even better was him continuously telling me I'm perfect. Just over and over again. And then when we were done and we were laying together briefly on our sides facing each other and he told me again that I'm so perfect and he ran his hand up the side of my body. He really only calls me perfect when he finds me at my peak attractiveness. I have 10lbs I still want to loose for me, but it's nice to know he sees the changes better than I do and be appreciated.
Sorry if this whole thing made someone feel bad, I thought a while about posting because I don't want to trigger anyone, but I hope someone else can relate to the good. It's nice to focus on the positives and feel proud every once in a while, it's not like I magically love my body or like I can eat like a normal person or not beat myself up for the time I spent typing this that I could have spent working out. It's not like I feel like I'm enough now, but I know I'm enough for him, and because I love him more than I love myself it truly is deeply comforting and meaningful.
Hope you all have lovely days. And I hope one day all of us can feel like we are enough, whatever that means to each of us.
[Rant/Rave] My entire life is a lie
/u/ISetMyGnomesOnFire
Created: Tue Sep 25 14:05:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ivkve/my_entire_life_is_a_lie/
---
Last night while using the bathroom at my boyfriend's rich friends house, i noticed the scale. Knowing my scale is off i H A D to get on.
​
This entire time i thought it was 127lbs-125lbs. I never expected to see 115lbs staring back at me.
​
So now i have to completely change my GW because obviously 100lbs isnt enough.
[Rant/Rave] I feel like there’s no point opening up or talking to anyone about this
/u/glow8192
Created: Tue Sep 25 13:43:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ivdma/i_feel_like_theres_no_point_opening_up_or_talking/
---
I’m short, my TDEE barely hits 1300 on GOOD days. It’s hard for me to lose weight, but I’ve lost around 25lbs in the past year through terrible disordered eating habits. I’m still around 108lbs at 5 feet tall and I feel huge. My disordered eating habits make my life hell, today a friend of mine witnessed me pick up and put down the same bag of chips 5 times before I decided to buy it while looking frantic. This was between lectures, and it’s the first time anyone’s seen me be truly disordered about my food, as I do a great job of hiding it. He made a joke about how indecisive I am, and it just made me wanna scream.
I feel like there’s absolutely no point in opening up about this to anyone. I’ve never told anyone about how I’ve been heavily restricting or binging constantly for the past three years. No one knows I weigh my food on two separate scales, or that that I can’t stand to look at myself in any reflective surface. I feel like it’s such an immature problem to have at 23, or like their reaction would be that I could stand to lose a bit more weight. I can’t relate to anyone when it comes to food except when I look on this subreddit. It drives me crazy some days, whenever I’m restricting and something doesnt go my way, my immediate solution is to try and fast as long as possible.
I’ve always felt that even if it’s hard, I could still talk out loud about depression or anxiety or any other mental illness. Why is it so different for EDs? Why can’t we just be able to be open and honest about it without the hostility and shame?
You know you’re restricting too much when...
/u/helpmytonguehurts [5”6 |CW 160|GW1 130|LW 89| -2 | 👩🏼]
Created: Tue Sep 25 13:30:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iv9s8/you_know_youre_restricting_too_much_when/
---
I’ve been restricting to ~900kcal and starting work 7am-6pm chasing kids around for the last week and a half.
Today I was in the supermarket buying toilet roll and a lady came up and asked if I needed any help. Realised I’d been stood there sniffing shea butter toilet roll like it’s crack.
Think I might need more than a dairylea and some ham for dinner
[Help] I feel squishy and it bothers me
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | CW: 114 | GW:105 | UGW 100 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 25 13:19:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iv67j/i_feel_squishy_and_it_bothers_me/
---
I feel so bloated and squishy. I hate it like dae feel bloated and squishy. How do you get it to go away.
Goal setting...how did your September go and what is one thing you will you do better in October?
/u/throwawaytodayokc [5'4.3"| GW 96 lbs |33 y/o]
Created: Tue Sep 25 13:15:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iv4xv/goal_settinghow_did_your_september_go_and_what_is/
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My goal was to reach 100 lbs by October, but I'm sitting around 105.4 lbs now, so I'm disappointed.
One thing I am doing in October--I am signing up for a running group, and plan to run 3-4 times a week with group members.
So sigh...September was full of lots of binging and purging. I will commit to trying to plan more and not bringing money with me to work so it is harder to do.
[Rant/Rave] So sick and tired of being sick and tired
/u/ihate-chicken [5’7” | CW:116 | 18.1 |]
Created: Tue Sep 25 13:05:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iv1ro/so_sick_and_tired_of_being_sick_and_tired/
---
Today is one of those days where I’m absolutely so over having an eating disorder and I’m so mad and sad and every emotion in between.
I’m freezing all the time, I don’t enjoy what i used to, I want to cry every two seconds, I can’t eat a cookie without it preoccupying my mind for the rest or the day, I’m irritable, I’m exhausted
Everything feels like it’s falling apart and usually my ED feels like the one thing that “keeps me together” but not today...
Words of encouragement would be lovely, or if anyone else feels like this, let me know because I am here for you ❤️
oh fuck my life
/u/duskedfur [5'7"|CW: 104|16.2|UGW: 100|F]
Created: Tue Sep 25 12:53:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iuxzb/oh_fuck_my_life/
---
i'm 99% sure i have bronchitis :( i get it about every year because i'm asthmatic but i've never been deep into my ED with it before. i started feeling bad while staying over at a friend's house for the weekend, but they have a cat so i figured it was just my horrible allergies, but my usual OTC meds weren't working as effectively as usual but i didn't question it, just assumed the cat was making it worse. i binged/purged on friday, fasted all day saturday then drank a ton and binged/purged that night, and ate around 400ish sunday. i broke a 40 hour fast a couple hours ago with 280 calories because i was feeling really bad, then the coughing started. it's definitely the painful, productive bronchitis cough, and i still have really bad sinus symptoms. i'm not letting myself purge until i'm better (which is a good thing because i've been really really trying to stop) but i want to continue restricting. is that a really bad idea? i take lots of vitamins and i'm usually really good on keeping on top of my electrolytes, but because of my respiratory issues i want this to go away as fast as possible. i'm at my lowest adult weight so i'm already freaking out about potentially weighing myself at the doctor's but i've never had bronchitis while underweight so idk what could happen this time. the concept of eating at maintenance scares me because sometimes it triggers a binge and i'm so close to my UGW that i don't want to risk it. i'm a mess right now hhhhh
Me when I lose just a little bit of weight
/u/psychopathetick
Created: Tue Sep 25 12:53:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iuxs1/me_when_i_lose_just_a_little_bit_of_weight/
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https://i.redd.it/o3ret2uflfo11.gif
I don't know why I do this to myself.
/u/vydka [5'4''|CW 126.4|GW 110|F]
Created: Tue Sep 25 12:40:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iutox/i_dont_know_why_i_do_this_to_myself/
---
I went through all of my old pictures. I remember being that small, how unhappy I was all of the time, but I still took comfort in somehow knowing "well at least i'm tiny." My life was an absolute nightmare.
Being hospitalized several times made me gain so much weight. Things were okay for a little while. I found someone I love, I made a life with him, we have our own place and our cats and logically everything is going well. I'm getting married in less than a month and we're going on our dream honeymoon.
I still am happy with that part of my life. But I can't help thinking how much better this would be if I had all of this going on AND I was back to my old weight. Before, my life was in ruins. I lived in a toxic environment, was in a toxic relationship, there was so much negativity and I didn't want to exist. Now that things are better, I feel like continuing to lose weight would make everything perfect.
Even though on the outside my life is going well, I'm a mess. I'm so unhappy in my own skin, feeling all of this extra weight. It's like I don't even belong in my own body. We just got our engagement photos back and I want to cry because even though they're so perfect, I look so fucking huge and disgusting.
I'm running on day 2 of black coffee and cigarettes. I kind of feel like it's the beginning of a mixed episode. I'm so depressed but I have all of this energy and I don't know where to channel it. I called out of work today just so I could obsessively go back through all of my old tumblr posts and pictures from when I was in college. I started to throw away all of the food in the apartment but thought better of it because that would just hurt my fiance.
​
I don't know. I'm not even sure why I'm posting this. I guess I just need to rant. No one in my life understands or knows what's going on inside of my head. I feel so ashamed to bring it up to them because all they'd do is start worrying.
[Help] I think I need to stop, guys.
/u/PinkyOutYo [170cm | CW: 46.8kg | 16.1 | GW: 45 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 25 12:09:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iujzo/i_think_i_need_to_stop_guys/
---
Sorry, incoming wall of text. Tl;dr: I'm recovering except I'm actually not and can't work out if I want to or not.
​
I'm so confused right now. I am so close to fucking up my relationship because of my stupid mental illnesses and so in a fit of whatever, I promised that I would try to start eating. And I meant it.
​
I know that it's not a competition (although I know that the mindset can get that it is) but I know that there are people here with lower BMIs that me. It's just, for the last couple of weeks, I've caught glimpses of myself in the mirror and I've felt sick. The first time it happened, I nearly passed out. I look fucking emaciated. My ribs, my hips, my clavicles, I look sick. And to be honest, that's how I've always wanted to look, but I didn't realise what it would actually look like, you know? But then I'll see myself in the mirror another time and I'll feel disgusting and corpulent and like I actually want to cut the fat off of my body.
​
I just don't know what to do. I'm a restricting bulimic, but I usually don't eat in front of other people and do an OMAD binge/purge, so as far as my boyfriend is concerned, me eating 400 calories is front of him is the first step in my recovery. What it's taught me, though, is that I don't actually have to b/p and that I can actually just do the restricting thing. Again, I know that 400 calories is probably a binge to some people here but cutting down from about 1000 cals a day is a big deal for me.
​
And because I've been restricting, I'm actually losing weight more quickly and so I'm in this bizarre limbo where I'm recovering (from purging) but I'm getting worse in my restricting, and I LIKE it. I keep nearly passing out, and I LIKE it. I feel like I'm achieving something, and it's so addictive.
​
I genuinely think that I want to get better. I'm killing myself. I can see it in the mirror, I'm killing myself. My heart could give out every time I purge. I just don't know how to commit to it when I'm so, so, so terrified of putting on weight, because that is the only value I have to society and I want people to keep treating me the way they do now, rather the way that they did when I was 60.2kg or even [53.kg](https://53.kg).
​
I don't know what I'm asking here, if anything, I think it's probably just encouragement or validation or something. But I need to be done. Or I'm going to be dead.
Medicaid fully covers my Vyvanse 👀
/u/trytostay
Created: Tue Sep 25 12:08:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iujri/medicaid_fully_covers_my_vyvanse/
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I used to have to pay like $90 a month for this shit and now it’s free. Heeeeell yesssss.
[Rant/Rave] WHO ELSE RUINED THEIR FAST TODAY
/u/speedayyyy [5’7 | CW 167 | BMI 26 | GW 120 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 25 12:03:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iui1u/who_else_ruined_their_fast_today/
---
fuck my life. Hit 40 hours and ruined it for a stupid quarter sized piece of bread 🤦♀️ I hate working with food ugh.
[Rant/Rave] I'm already having mental breakdowns over thanksgiving send help
/u/skeletonsofawhale [5'2|137|-48 | f]
Created: Tue Sep 25 11:59:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iugps/im_already_having_mental_breakdowns_over/
---
I live in Canada so it's literally happening in 2 fucking weeks. Otherwise I'd be chill.
I'm planning out all my fasts and I legit have meal plans for the entire month of october already planned out.
But how the fuck am I going to get away with eating 1000 kcal for thanksgiving? My fucking parents are obviously not going to count the calories and will probably cook everything in like 1000000 liters of oil and I'm freaking out. I feel like I should be the cook for this year's thanksgiving so that I know exactly how many cals I'm eating, except for the fact that my mom has a literal degree in cooking and works in a SUPER high end fancy restaraunt for a living, while I am but a lowly design student in college. I'm trying to find low cal recipes but THEY AREN'T LOW CAL ENOUGH.
At this point I'm panicking and there's a really fucking dumb part of me that feels like I should run away from home on thanksgiving weekend and come back when the days return to normal.
I hate life so much :'(
I’ve fucked up
/u/BasicallyBelle [5'5 | CW 143 | GW 113]
Created: Tue Sep 25 11:47:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iud24/ive_fucked_up/
---
In the past year I’ve gained about 50 pounds and I don’t know what to do. I’m always hungry and it never stops. I can’t get jobs anymore because I’m not thin. I don’t know how to fix this... I work out, I eat relatively healthy when I do eat... I want to die. Yesterday I made the mistake of jokingly weighing myself at the Winn Dixie and now I’m ready to just kill myself. I can’t even watch the Black Swan anymore (my favorite movie) because it makes me sick to see how far I am from what my goal was.
Decided to try on dresses instead of going to work today
/u/vucio72 [5'1 | cw: 117 | gw2: 115 | -35 | f]
Created: Tue Sep 25 11:32:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iu80n/decided_to_try_on_dresses_instead_of_going_to/
---
I mean, I'm sick and was out yesterday and I asked my boss if I could come in late because I had a splitting sinus headache this morning so it's less dramatic than it seems, but it was still surreal. I weighted myself after eating a cheese stick and drinking some water (to take a decongestant and some motrin without immediately throwing it back up) and I had hit a new lw??
So then I went through my closet and tried on these fancy dresses I had bought from the Rent the Runway clearance a few months ago. I bought them as size 2s because I had just barely fit into a size 2 then and I wanted to keep motivating myself. One of them didn't zip when I first bought it, but this morning it did, and it was even a little loose on the top. Not on the bottom, though, because I am **hella** pear-shaped.
When I realized those fit, I went and tried on a bunch of my dresses from my freshman year of college, the last time I remember weighing close to this much. I weighed about 115 then -- not that I paid attention because I had never been fat before then LOL -- and while I've thrown out a bunch of old "hoe" dresses since then I still had a few. I tried them on and they finally, finally fit! These super tight XS cocktail dresses from when I was 17-18 fit me again, though I'm less toned than I was then.
I'm at work now, writing this with a cup of tea and a sore throat and a stuffy head, but I think I felt beautiful again this morning, if only for a moment. I looked elegant in the mirror, even with my red nose and bedhead.
but I'm back to feeling stubby and thicc and I guess I'll eat my progresso light soup for lunch and drink monster for dinner again.
[Discussion] What kind of exercise use do you guys do?
/u/throwaway__1893
Created: Tue Sep 25 11:21:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iu4qz/what_kind_of_exercise_use_do_you_guys_do/
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Right now all I do is walk and that gets boring on the treadmill. So I’m looking for other ideas for exercise. Any suggestions are welcome.
[Rant/Rave] I tried to be better but screw it
/u/doublecouponn [5'2 | CW wailord | GW 112 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 25 11:16:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iu2vz/i_tried_to_be_better_but_screw_it/
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So I decided to be hEaLtHy and exercise (jk kimora i did it because im a fat fuck) and i felt good about myself. For once.
Did my omad and felt exceptionally decent.
Woke up in the AM and weighed myself... i weighed more than yesterday.
Um. No ty. Currently wanting to cry because I thought this was the start of getting better.
[Rant/Rave] Tfw the camera really does add 10lbs
/u/BlurJAMD [5'4" | CW: 140lbs | GW: 110lbs | NB]
Created: Tue Sep 25 11:07:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iu053/tfw_the_camera_really_does_add_10lbs/
---
I thought I looked good but after taking a selfie I've decided to become a hermit and only wear potato sacks cus it's What I Deserve™.
Advice for someone in a relationship whose partner has an ED
/u/newsome60
Created: Tue Sep 25 11:05:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9itzbd/advice_for_someone_in_a_relationship_whose/
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The only people who care about my ed are over-eaters.
/u/BreMarieNirvana
Created: Tue Sep 25 10:41:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9itrgv/the_only_people_who_care_about_my_ed_are/
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Nobody who eats a "normal" amount of food cares or even notices. But people who eat a few days worth of food (for me) in one sitting will definitely notice, and say something.
I wonder why that is? Luckily, I'm not very sensitive about my ed, but I think it's probably because they have a ed as well (in the other direction) and are implicitly biased. Just something I've noticed.
Alcohol makes me so hungry and I hate it
/u/OriginalJokeGoesHere [170cm | GW 45kg | 🇨🇦 ♂︎ | 🍑 same]
Created: Tue Sep 25 10:26:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9itmqb/alcohol_makes_me_so_hungry_and_i_hate_it/
---
Pretty much what the title says tbh. Every time I have like one or two drinks I become *starving.* Honestly it's so frustrating because I'm already wasting calories on alcohol and now I also want to eat everything in sight?
I'm also in a highkey vicious cycle right now where I drink because I hate myself and then eat too much and gain which makes me hate myself more which is *awesome* 🙃
[Rant/Rave] how tf do you restrict in cold weather??
/u/goneralphio
Created: Tue Sep 25 10:15:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9itj7z/how_tf_do_you_restrict_in_cold_weather/
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im eating 300 or under for the next month or so because i have an event.
im fucking freezing. it's not even that cold, like 50s and 60s but i feel like ive never been colder. last night i wore two pairs of sweats, two pairs of socks, two sweatshirts and a snuggy to bed
i love dressing cute but im getting to the point where i might just wear shit like that out because otherwise im shivering all day
i havent restricted in the winter so how do you guys do it? im so cold that i think it's starting to be suspicious. i mean i can only have so many cups of tea in a day
my mom said i can't have a space heater because it kills our monthly energy bill and its only september
help help what are your tips/ideas?? theres approx 6 months of cold to come and i dont know what to do
[Rant/Rave] Learned about EDs in class today..
/u/catpotatotots [5'4|CW: 151 |GW: 100|F]
Created: Tue Sep 25 10:08:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9itguy/learned_about_eds_in_class_today/
---
I’m taking a Child Psych class and learned about how eating disorders affect children/adolescence
We start talking about bulimia and my professor says how most people with bulimia are actually overweight because it’s impossible to purge more than 20-30% of the cals eaten/absorbed
Meanwhile I’m just sitting there thinking how b/p led to me losing 30 pounds in one month but okay sis you’re the one with the degree not me 🤷🏼♀️
Hurricane Florence is ruining my life
/u/sadfatho [5'5" | CW:kms myself | GW: ??? | 23F]
Created: Tue Sep 25 10:02:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9itenu/hurricane_florence_is_ruining_my_life/
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I live in a town that was really devastated by the hurricane. On top of it being a horrible disaster, a tree fell on my apartment and destroyed part of it. While I wait for my landlords to repair it, I have to stay with my parents. This means I can't restrict at allll and we have "family dinners" every single night while we're all out of work. I'm so miserable!! I also feel shitty and selfish for complaining about having to eat with my family. I know I'm so lucky that none of us were hurt, but I can't stop thinking about how much weight I'm going to gain as a result of this :-( pls comfort me
[Discussion] Eating while in college
/u/TumericTea [5'4 | 143 | 24.5 | gw1: 120|18F]
Created: Tue Sep 25 09:58:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9itdkm/eating_while_in_college/
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PROS: no parents making you eat, you can save money by not eating, nobody will really pay enough attention to you if you restrict
CONS: my roommates all eat total crap. Like, SO much junk food, that’s all just sitting in our mini fridges and food storage containers. Also, all the social events seem to be tied to food. The few foods I DO want to eat (powdered PB, halo top, almond milk) are all so freakin expensive.
I have totally fallen victim to my newfound freedom and binged a couple nights ago and overate the last couple nights. But today is a fresh start! Trying to start with 1,000 and keep reducing throughout the week.
[Discussion] Skinny Halloween character ideas
/u/celeryfordinner [5’5” | 113.5| 18.9| -13.5 | f]
Created: Tue Sep 25 09:58:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9itdgy/skinny_halloween_character_ideas/
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I want to dress as someone who is known to be really skinny, aside from a skeleton. The only character I’ve thought of so far is Sally from the nightmare before Christmas. I don’t watch a lot of tv or movies so I’m hoping you guys could help me out. 😊 thanks!
[Discussion] Ideas for dinners you can make to share with your SO but so you can have less calories and they can have a normal amount and not notice.
/u/indentionsofme [Height 5"10 | CW 100| HW 142| GW 95 l BMI 14.3]
Created: Tue Sep 25 09:47:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ita80/ideas_for_dinners_you_can_make_to_share_with_your/
---
I pretty much eat OMAD with my SO during the week. I am looking for some lower calorie stuff to make for both of us where I can portion it out so he gets the amount of calories/nutrition he wants and needs for his height and weight and I can have a smaller amount but it’s pretty low calorie.
I guess I’m looking for normal foods that can be low cal for me but not too noticeable if that makes sense.
We are both vegetarians and I feel sometimes our dinners can be higher in calories.
Any suggestions would be wonderful.
Scared I'm developing an eating disorder
/u/bpurly
Created: Tue Sep 25 09:44:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9it98j/scared_im_developing_an_eating_disorder/
---
Hi all. Sorry if this isn't the right place to post this, but I was hoping to get some advice/help. Over the past few months I've developed a lot of unhealthy attitudes and tendencies when it comes to eating/my body image. At first I didn't think I had a problem but now I'm scared I'm heading on the path towards an eating disorder.
I'm 19 years old (F), a sophomore in college. My whole life until around two years ago, I had a pretty good relationship with food and my body. I was known as the "tall, skinny" girl in my friend group and I never restricted or really binged either. But a couple years ago I went through a few months of depression and basically began to rely on food. I gained a good 10 pounds over my senior year of high school but still didn't have negative body image. But then over my freshman year of college, the freshman 15 was definitely real and I gained another 5-10 pounds.
I made a goal in May this year that I would lose 10-15 pounds over the summer. I decided to do this with CICO and it worked great for a month, I lost 5 pounds in June. But then I started getting so focused on what I would eat each meal that I developed an obsession with food... which somehow resulted in me binging every night and counteracting the CICO I did during the day. Then I would wake up the next morning hating myself and feeling extreme guilt. And this is pretty much where I still am. I do great with CICO throughout the week but then I have an extreme binge over the weekend or late at night (another problem is I find it so hard to resist food at night, like there's a block there), gain back a couple pounds, and really hate myself. I also think I'm struggling with very mild body dysmorphia because I can't tell if I like how I look or hate how I look, all within the same day (my self image swings back and forth a lot).
Most of my thoughts during the day have to do with food and my weight. Even when I'm focused on something else/in class/studying, my next meal and how much I want to weigh the next morning is always on the back of my mind. I stopped eating breakfast so that I could stick my calorie limits and I feel a bit lightheaded and weak every morning until I can finally eat lunch. And when I binge I wake up hating myself so much. Even when I'm doing well with my calories I wake up in the morning feeling guilty about my body and have to remind myself that I stuck to my calorie limits the night before in order to stop the guilt. And it scares me a lot because I recognize these issues and know it isn't healthy but it almost makes me happy that I'm doing this to myself... like as bad/guilty/weak weak as I may feel a part of me likes it because I feel like I'm overcoming something and losing weight.
I don't even know what the point of me posting this is but I guess I was wondering if anyone had any advice on what I should do. I know the easy response is, just stop tracking your food and eat when you're hungry but a) I really do want to lose weight, I'm not overweight but my BMI is around a 24 so I'm kind of on the edge and would like to return to how I used to look a couple years ago. and b) when I'm not tracking, I binge a lot and it's just such a messy and tricky balance. Sorry for how long this was and thank you in advance for any comments you may have.
You guys inspired me to get one and try it!
/u/Poopburb
Created: Tue Sep 25 09:43:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9it8v5/you_guys_inspired_me_to_get_one_and_try_it/
---
https://i.redd.it/2f86anloneo11.jpg
[Help] Doctor’s appointment at 2:pm est. Scared
/u/extraclevermongoose [5'7" 🐇 Underweight bmi 🐇 They/them]
Created: Tue Sep 25 09:40:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9it7w5/doctors_appointment_at_2pm_est_scared/
---
it’s a routine checkup but they will be weighing me for the first time since I was at my hw. I have no way to get out of it.
I’d water load but i’m morbidly curious to see my weight on one of those medical scales....Ugh.
My mom is also going to bring up my mysterious stomach problems which were my cover for lax abuse/purging/i feel too sick to eat/ etc so I feel pretty screwed. Help!!!!!!!
[Discussion] DAE start experiencing ‘symptoms’ early in their relapse?
/u/moisiny
Created: Tue Sep 25 09:21:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9it1w6/dae_start_experiencing_symptoms_early_in_their/
---
I’ve had a (diagnosed) eating disorder for almost 6 years now. Since the second week of September of been slowly slipping back down into my old ed habits and I’d say I’m in full relapse.
I’ve been eating what a lot of you would count as high restricting (I’m EDNOS) and fasting about 20 hours a day.
Point is, I’m already cold all the damn time??? Where I’m living we’re headed into to spring so it’s not as if it’s getting colder. Plus I feel that whole not eating = invincibility levels of confidence.
[Rant/Rave] Nope, still have an ED
/u/ClassicDescription
Created: Tue Sep 25 09:09:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9isxzd/nope_still_have_an_ed/
---
I occasionally like to think that I'm a semi-recovered, regular human being that's just trying to lose a few pounds. I don't meticulously count calories, my UGW isn't in the 80s, and when I find myself hungry at the end of the day, I eat. I don't avoid events, and will happily have candy or cake or brunch depending on what the occasion is. I don't think I'm obese, and honestly I recognize that to an average person, I probably look pretty good.
It's extra frustrating then, when I step on the scale in the mornings and find my weight a bit higher than I thought it would be, I am anxious and restless to the point of not being able to concentrate. Even though rationally I know that there's no way I gained 2 pounds in a couple of days, I still feel the whirlwind of dread, worthlessness, and failure every. single. time.
I know I'm not 'recovered', just like I know I'll probably want to keep losing weight 5-10-15 pounds from now, and just like I know that my two 300-400 calorie meals a day isn't normal or healthy. But i've gotten old enough and lived with an ED long enough that it feels normal, I feel normal, and it always sucks when I get the nice little morning reminder that my normal isn't really normal, and i'm not really better.
yknow?
[Rant/Rave] when you can see your ribs but still have cellulite
/u/aha98 [160cm CW: 132.6lbs LW: ~115lbs GW: 105lbs F]
Created: Tue Sep 25 09:01:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9isvoe/when_you_can_see_your_ribs_but_still_have/
---
also fuck primark fitting rooms. their lighting and mirrors only enhance the fat on my legs. and their sizing is messed up too.
Dreading my 21st birthday.
/u/conuretrash [5'3.5''| 20 F | CW 150 | GW 115| -40 |]
Created: Tue Sep 25 08:35:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9isno7/dreading_my_21st_birthday/
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When I first started dieting/heavy restricting I was always so excited for my birthday. I chose to go to this really fattening place where my family usually completely pigs out: multiple apps, meal, and of course a slice of cake each. At the time I thought it would be an epic cheat day. Now? I'm completely terrified. I planned my meal and it's going to be around 4,000 calories, possibly a little more. I'm fasting for five/six days the week before going there, and plan on fasting for at least three days after going there. I wish I didn't "cement" these plans with my family already- my mom is now saying we're definitely going there and I better eat!! I am so dreading this. It's going to make me super bloat with water weight bc I've been in ketosis for awhile, too, and it's going to stretch the capacity of my stomach so I'll be hungry, and the sugar and carbs will be so high I'll be craving, and on top of all that I'll also either have my period or be about to get it. Sooooo I'm gonna be like 10lbs heavier that week, too. I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Help] Help - Caffeine not cutting it for my fast. What do y'all drink?
/u/Soybeansandsprouts [🍉5'5|109|GW:105🍌]
Created: Tue Sep 25 08:32:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ismwk/help_caffeine_not_cutting_it_for_my_fast_what_do/
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I'm on day 3 of my fast. The hunger really isn't bad but my stomach is getting upset. The only calories I am allowing myself are from sugar free lozenge. I think about food all the time whether I'm binging or restricting so nothing new. Woooppeee.
​
I've done some reading on fasting and a lot of people said it provided them with so much mental clarity and they just felt amazing but I feel tired and in a fog. Coffee barely helps if at all and I spend an extra hour in my bed tossing and turning because I can't sleep even though I know I am exhausted. I'm typically a morning person but damn these mornings are rough. I thought maybe I was low on electrolytes so I drank pickle juice for sodium lmao and it was actually really good as nasty as the sounds. I was even looking forward to having more because my brain is fucked like that :/
​
What do you guys take or drink while fasting? Or do you just say oh well this is going to suck and push through it?
[Tip] Dude... Broccoli with Hummus is amazing! Who needs chips?
/u/NeutralSmithHotel [6'1.4 | CW: 179 | BMI: 23.4 | Weight Lost: -191| M]
Created: Tue Sep 25 08:14:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ishqh/dude_broccoli_with_hummus_is_amazing_who_needs/
---
So I love me some chips and hummus. When I wanted my hummus fix, I used to get the Sabra hummus (700 calories in the container) and then chips (600-900 calories). This meant that this was really only a food I could get if I wanted to binge. However, recently I found a tasty wholefood hummus that is only 350 calories for the whole package and I tried it with broccoli. Honestly, in my opinion is was just about as good and I only ate 1/2 the package of hummus.
I turned a 1400 calorie snack that left me unfulfilled into a 200 calorie snack that made me super full. This is a game changer for me... super psyched.
[Rant/Rave] Post binge madness
/u/frida569 [163 cm | 74 kg | 15 kg | female]
Created: Tue Sep 25 08:11:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9isgtx/post_binge_madness/
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After 5 consecutive days of binging I have managed to gain 7 kgs!!! Yes 7 fucking kgs! That’s about 14 lbs for my non metric friends. I want to fucking die. I have not been this fat since last year and I feel like ripping my skin off.
[Help] How do you survive weekends?
/u/citrus_juuiice
Created: Tue Sep 25 08:08:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9isfon/how_do_you_survive_weekends/
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I do fine and lose all week but then the weekend comes and I binge and gain it all back. So I have a cycle of gaining and losing the same 5 pounds.
What made you relapse?
/u/alwaysrelapsing17
Created: Tue Sep 25 08:05:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9isewc/what_made_you_relapse/
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I was doing okay til my ex cheated on me but now i’m relapsing. First I’m gonna get so thin and hot he’ll miss me to death. Then I’m gonna get so thin he’ll worry I’m on the brink of death. I’m 5’4, current weight unknown (125-130ish). My goal is 98 but I’m always open to going lower. I don’t really have much to live for anymore.
[Discussion] DAE...make their Sims eat ??
/u/conuretrash [5'3.5''| 20 F | CW 150 | GW 115| -40 |]
Created: Tue Sep 25 07:58:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iscp8/daemake_their_sims_eat/
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This sounds so silly but when I fast I get so hungry. So I log onto the Sims 4, put on ultra graphics, and have them cook and make them overeat to get fat. I love making them get obese lol. I have them max out the baking skill too so they eat the good shit. Anyone else do this?
I just want to fast and purge, school can go fuck itself
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | CW: 114 | GW:105 | UGW 100 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 25 07:57:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iscff/i_just_want_to_fast_and_purge_school_can_go_fuck/
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I just wanna focus on getting back to 114. I hate that school gets in the way. I might go to the bathroom and purge during class because it's all i can think about. School just gets in the way. Fuck it. I just want to purge and fast.
[Discussion] What’s your experience with hair loss?
/u/littlestpeach [5'7 | CW 118? | 20F]
Created: Tue Sep 25 07:47:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9is9cy/whats_your_experience_with_hair_loss/
---
I was just wondering if you guys could tell me if you’ve experienced hair loss, and if so, how much hair loss and how much were you restricting and just anything really!
Also, this is a stupid question, but does anyone know how I can tell if I’m losing more hair than normal or if I’m losing the same amount as I always have but I’m just being paranoid about it?
Hope everyone has a good Tuesday 💞
What do you all like to wear?
/u/ImMissBrightside [5'2" | cw: 94 | gw: 90| 23f]
Created: Tue Sep 25 07:44:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9is8pq/what_do_you_all_like_to_wear/
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This is just me being curious about what sort of style everyone here has, and maybe to help cut through all the negative worthless stuff I post on here all the time.
My ED makes me feel sort of dirty and unclean, so I always wear a bunch of colorful sweaters dresses and button ups and stuff because in some weird way, wearing happy looking clothes makes me feel a little better.
Ironically, even though all of this is to look better, I still cannot help but feel anxious when i show my skin, so I always wear long sleeves. It's also to cover the bruises and cuts i have sometimes.
What about you guys? Does your ED affect your style at all?
appetite suppressants???
/u/chicagorie [5'7"|GW 108 |CW want 2 die|F]
Created: Tue Sep 25 07:40:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9is7ib/appetite_suppressants/
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I live in US. I do take Brokaid and it helps some, but I was wondering if anyone else know of anything worthwhile? There's a limit of how much brokaid and similar things one can buy per-month at least in my state, which is usually 2 boxes (because meth-heads)
Ideally I'm looking for a supplement or something like that.
​
Thanks :)
[Help] Things cutting can solve
/u/sriracha_henny
Created: Tue Sep 25 07:20:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9is244/things_cutting_can_solve/
---
So, to preface, I know that cutting isn't any kind of solution. I know that in my heart. That's also why I tagged the post as 'Help', because no other category felt appropriate and I do *not* want to belittle people who struggle to stop cutting. That having been said:
​
Cycling through the same 5 pounds? Cut yourself.
Despairing about spending a lifetime without a romantic partner? Cut yourself.
Convincing yourself of fictions that couldn't possibly exist? Cut yourself.
Incapable of fasting? Cut yourself.
Isolating everyone around you on purpose? Lmao cut yourself.
​
This is my one real secret, since there really is no concept of privacy in my household. This is the one thing I can have to myself. I may not always be able to afford gum, coffee, or diet coke, but I will always have my tiny razor wrapped in plastic that I can hide away. Anyone feel the same?
What's your favorite flavor of monster ultra?
/u/MarieSage [5'5 | 126.8lbs | 21.35 | -10.8 | 21F]
Created: Tue Sep 25 06:44:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9irsao/whats_your_favorite_flavor_of_monster_ultra/
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I just found out that there's blue and purple and red but I'm too scared to leave my lovely white monster haha
Most of you have probably already watched this....but I thought I’d share it in case some haven’t! If you appreciate dry humour, then you will love this video.
/u/BeginningBarnacle [5'4"|CW120|HW136|F]
Created: Tue Sep 25 06:42:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9irrzd/most_of_you_have_probably_already_watched_thisbut/
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https://youtu.be/1v9Y4m7sR74
[Other] Reading Stephen King's Thinner, really enjoyed this part
/u/onepostforme
Created: Tue Sep 25 06:21:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9irmz9/reading_stephen_kings_thinner_really_enjoyed_this/
---
https://imgur.com/gallery/DLX9QsD
[Sticky] Thinspo Tuesday September 25, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Sep 25 06:09:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9irk36/thinspo_tuesday_september_25_2018/
---
Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to post pictures of anything that inspires or you find to be something "motivating".
**Please note that we are not using this post to glorify or glamorize eating disorders. Anything that is not clearly from a professional photo shoot or is "bonespo" (extremely thin to the point of being skeletal) will be removed.** Selfies, bodychecks, or OOTD posts will also be removed as they belong in the Friday sticky thread.
*****
Thinspo threads are posted every Tuesday.
Have any questions or concerns? Looking for self-care and beauty tips? Comment below, or [PM the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED) and feel free to take your self-care/beauty needs to the "Stupid Questions Saturday" weekly thread!
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! September 25, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Sep 25 06:09:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9irk20/daily_food_diary_september_25_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for September 25, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Help] How do you deal with dysmorphia?
/u/AspergersAndCoffee [5'2F | Last recorded weight 93 | SW 100 | Starting therapy soon]
Created: Tue Sep 25 05:53:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9irgf7/how_do_you_deal_with_dysmorphia/
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As I state in the title, what are your ways to deal with it? I'll probably be forced to gain weight and am pretty tired of being underweight anyway, but I can't imagine daily functioning with my thigh canyon turning into a small gap, my face getting chubby again and my stomach being soft!
[Help] Sprouts Farmers Market ideas
/u/BigFrameSkinnyAddict
Created: Tue Sep 25 05:30:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9irbew/sprouts_farmers_market_ideas/
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Good mirnings guys! So my dad offered to take me to sprouts again (yay!!!) And I was wondering if youve ever been to one, and if so tell me your low calorie products you get! - 💙
[Rant/Rave] Shit I don't want to hear when I have an ED- additions welcome!
/u/rattles-snakes
Created: Tue Sep 25 05:06:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ir6iu/shit_i_dont_want_to_hear_when_i_have_an_ed/
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"I'm so glad to see you eating!" "You look so healthy!" "You eat so much how are you skinny?!*" "I recognised you immediately! You look just the same as when I last saw you!" "That's high fat/calories/carbs/sugar so I'll have xyz instead" "stArVaTiOn MoDe" *points at someone who's on deaths door* "see thats why you dont want to be anorexic!" "But men like women with curves!"
*this is the first thing I've eaten this week and I will be purging it, shut your shit hole Barbara.
Please feel free to add to this. It's driving me insane. Don't talk to me or my snacks ever again.
I gained 10 kg over the summer
/u/erikafei [170cm | 73kg | BMI 25 | 15kg lost | F 25]
Created: Tue Sep 25 05:05:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ir689/i_gained_10_kg_over_the_summer/
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and I hate myself and I don't know how I let it happen so fast and did I mention that I hate myself?
Trying desperately to get back on track
I feel like the biggest failure
[Rant/Rave] Absolute scale insanity
/u/melithescrawny [5'1| CW 116 | GW 99 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 25 04:50:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ir32v/absolute_scale_insanity/
---
I feel like I might've lost 5 lbs in the past week, but I'm way too scared to step on the scale. I've weighed myself 1-3 times a day for months because I knew I was gaining and wanted to see it stop. But now it's different again.
Every time I feel like I've lost weight I haven't and it's just too scary to step up on that scale again, I don't want to face the same number
Every time it happens I feel like my body just suddenly grows, like I can almost visualize it. I feel like I look at myself and think about my eating and feel like I've lost weight and then look at the number and when I look back at myself I'm suddenly way bigger again
eugh
[Help] How do ya’ll maintain a running schedule while restricting?
/u/subtleskeleton
Created: Tue Sep 25 04:37:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ir0n3/how_do_yall_maintain_a_running_schedule_while/
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So I’m typically bulimic, but I am in this HARD break up restriction thing and doing like 500/600 cal a day, while working full time, full time school and trying to hit the gym. I sleep like 3-4 hours a night on a good night and I walk at least 10,000 steps in a day without counting the gym.
I’m supposed to be running a half marathon next month, but omg I can’t run without getting a debilitating side stitch or feeling faint. Those restricting and running, how do you manage?
[Rant/Rave] my family purposely triggers me
/u/deadgirlaesthetic
Created: Tue Sep 25 04:36:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ir0dn/my_family_purposely_triggers_me/
---
im having an actual complete full brown mental breakdown over the fact that my family not only CONSCIOUSLY purchased regular PEPSI.... but also had to make the extra effort to get COKE while they were at it. my mom is ALWAYS buying liters of diet coke for me when she goes grocery shopping(im 18 and just graduated hs which is why i live at home and my mom does the grocery shopping), so it isn’t like she was just picking up anything. this was a fully conscious, petty decision. they literally do this just cause its the only indirect way to trigger and upset me since i dont speak to them. I fucking hate them all i hope they all choke. obviously i can buy my own diet coke but the principle of the situation is the fact that they did this to upset me.
also my number one binge trigger food is kettle cooked chips. every time they purchase them i finish the whole bag in one session and i know they hear me purge despite my efforts to hide it bc ive heard them discuss it. and then the next day, there will magically be another full bag of the chips. who buys that many fucking bags of of the same chips in one week? its fucking psychotic. im literally convinced they do it solely to trigger and mock me. maybe im making this up in my head but im convinced. im furious.
[Discussion] Lemme see some fridges
/u/existing--
Created: Tue Sep 25 04:35:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ir0d8/lemme_see_some_fridges/
---
https://i.redd.it/dwnnxxpr4do11.jpg
Fats and Ana/Ortho?
/u/linedryonly [5'5"♀| CW 135 | SW 145 | LW 102 | GW 110]
Created: Tue Sep 25 04:35:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ir08g/fats_and_anaortho/
---
I've been working towards lower restriction but I'm scared of having so little fat in my diet (my safe foods happen to be non-fat). In the past when restricting, the lack of fat destroyed my skin and hair which I really want to avoid as I'm getting older and don't have youth to fall back on. Does anyone have fat-containing safe foods they can recommend? Or any other ways you preserve your skin?
[Rant/Rave] Where is my whoosh?
/u/subarremos [5'3 | CW: 99 | GW: 88]
Created: Tue Sep 25 04:26:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iqyn9/where_is_my_whoosh/
---
I have restricted all these days and was doing ok when the scale started going up for 2 days. I know its not my fault, and it is probably water retention since I haven’t gone to the bathroom lately 💩, but I cant help but feel desperate/frustrated. I don’t want to restrict even more..
[Rant/Rave] The downsides to reaching your goal weight
/u/redtopiary [5'2 | 16.9 | 21F]
Created: Tue Sep 25 04:08:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iqv56/the_downsides_to_reaching_your_goal_weight/
---
It just kind of hit me this morning: I can't stay at this weight forever. I finally got down to the weight I want to be, but my body is already just like...nah, not happening, not letting you do this to me.
And I still feel that constant, creeping urge to lose more weight. I know most of you feel that way--its like you finally get to the weight that you've been striving for for \*so\* long, and yet you're overwhelmed with this empty feeling. Like its not enough. I'm already fully aware that I will always feel that way, but I'm still trapped with this bullshit illness. The goal weight I had for myself the beginning of summer is now the weight I'm at when I'm bloated or just ate something. I'm terrified of watching it creep up again.
I was taking a shower the other day and noticed that this small clump of hair came out when I was combing it. Then when I took a shower today I saw little strands at the bottom of the tub. I know I have to gain weight, at least something, but it \*sucks\* because I'm actually somewhat comfortable with where I am now. But I don't want to become this dull, hairless creature. I wish I knew how the hell people clawed their way out of this mess, I hate having an ED.
[Discussion] Dae dream with food?
/u/wrappedinlust
Created: Tue Sep 25 04:00:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iqtig/dae_dream_with_food/
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Ive been eating 100 calories a day since... thursday. Im trying really hard not to binge. And this last two days ive been dreaming that i eat a lot of calorie dense food. And the dreams are so real that i wake up feeling extremely guilty and it takes me a while to realize that it was just a dream.
Aussie / NZ safe foods!
/u/BEDBulimic [153cm | CW: 55.8 | GW1: 55 | -8.2 | 20F]
Created: Tue Sep 25 03:58:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iqsz5/aussie_nz_safe_foods/
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HellooOo I feel like there’s a lot of food that gets discussed here that isn’t available in Aus / NZ, so I figure we should chat about safe foods that we can access!
Here’s some of mine
- 7/11 Slurpee Zilched: the Pink Creamy Soda one is 3.3cal/100mL. Not as low cal as a diet coke, sure, but filling and the best flavour ever pls don’t fite me on this
- Chang’s lo-cal noodles (10 cal / 100g, available at Coles) is generally $2 cheaper than the Slendier shirataki noodles in the health food aisle. Slendier has more variety in noodle style ie. fettucine, angel hair etc but the texture is more... sproingy? cromchy? idk how to explain it
- Hart & Soul does a decent pho soup (32 cals). Don’t bother getting the pho + shirataki noodles version, they have like 5 strands of noodles >:(
- Keep It Cleaner has some shirataki noodle meals. I’ve tried Vegan Napoli (65cals) which is pretty decent, but I’m interested in trying the other flavours like pad thai (although they’re higher cals)
- Quorn. Um hello you sexy vegan minx where has it been all my life? I tried the cottage pie (177) which was GOOD, real real keen to try their mince (4 serves is only 285 perfect for omad)
- Skinny cow icecream sundaes (120). Yes we have overpriced Halo Top but I’m the type of person who eats through the whole package of something even if it’s more than 1 serving. These sundaes are individually packed which makes it easier for me.
- Harvest snaps (93/serve, 465 for bag) have a lot of cronch factor. I like to get the chilli flavour and add lite-salt to it since it’s pretty unsalty as it is compared to the original flavour.
- Musashi low carb mini protein bars (90). The choc fudge is tasty but not uber decadent enough to trigger my binges? Also doesn’t taste like artificial chalk like Quest bars loool. Yes they’re fairly small but the protein honestly keeps me full, and it’s got the best macros (real low on carbs). Shame they’re like $2.5 each >:(
- Fibre one bars (90). I’ve only seen the brownie and the salted caramel ones though. Yummy but again doesn’t trigger binges for me? Also lots of fibre so it makes me check myself before I want to commit to bingeing on them. Yummo when microwaves.
Is this is even possible?
/u/Blackbirdlearn
Created: Tue Sep 25 03:39:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iqpqx/is_this_is_even_possible/
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Last week I restricted below 500calories (Monday, Tuesday) and water fasted (from Wednesday to Saturday night).
Saturday night I broke my fast with a binge 800 calories above my TDEE. The same happened on Sunday.
Apart from feeling utterly disgusting and shitty, I've gained 4 kg (my initial weight was 57 kg and in the end I weighed 61kg, whereas before breaking my fast I weighed 55.8kg). I'm 1.71m tall.
I feel bloated and my bowels are full of food and I can feel it and I feel ashamed.
The question is: have I really gained weight? Because a 4 kg (or 9 lbs) gain is huge to me. And if I eventually lose these pounds, will I be below my initial weight (i.e. <57 kg)?
Bad day
/u/iron_blanket
Created: Tue Sep 25 03:23:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iqmzq/bad_day/
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I hate been trapped in this awful body. I hate that I have had to sacrifice my weight for my mental health. I'm still depressed and crazy and now I'm fat too. Fuck my life - I hate this.
Why aren't I losing faster? Oh, because I can't control myself when I eat. I'm like a vacuum. When I get triggered instead of restricting, I binge. I hate this so much. I can literally go for a week of eating 500 cals a day, then I'll have one day of stuffing my face and it will be like I didn't even restrict. I'm not even hungry when I binge. Just depressed or anxious.
I'm back to obsessing about the scales and I've only lost 400g. What even is that? A giant shit that's what. FUCK!
Urgh I needed to get that off my chest
[Discussion] Diets and breakfast....
/u/BigFrameSkinnyAddict
Created: Tue Sep 25 03:09:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iqklc/diets_and_breakfast/
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Ever since ive had a ED I never eat breakfast (unless offered but that's normally only on weekends and not at my house lol) and so whenever I look for diet plans it sucks how nearly all of them have zome sort of breakfast, but I know I could never bring myself to eat it... Anyone else like this?
[Discussion] what's the most weight you've gained or lost in a ridiculously short amount of time?
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | relapse| gw: 97 | 23f]
Created: Tue Sep 25 03:08:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iqkek/whats_the_most_weight_youve_gained_or_lost_in_a/
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the most i've gained in one night would definitely be the ten (?!) pounds of water/sodium weight i've gained tonight (lmfao how does that even \*happen\*? i regret 100% of the things i put in my body tonight). weirdly, i've never noticeably dropped a ton of weight overnight (my bmi has always been pretty low and never fluctuated that much so it makes sense) but hopefully that'll change in the next few days cuz you \*know\* i'm starting a fast tomorrow
​
what about you guys? what's the most ridiculous change you've seen on the scale overnight?
“We turn skeletons into goddesses as if they might teach us how not to need.”
/u/deadgirlaesthetic
Created: Tue Sep 25 02:38:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iqf50/we_turn_skeletons_into_goddesses_as_if_they_might/
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-Marya Hornbacher
[Other] My therapist wants me to try as an “experiment” to eat around 1,000- 1,200 calories this week
/u/hollowedheart_
Created: Tue Sep 25 01:20:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iq1s8/my_therapist_wants_me_to_try_as_an_experiment_to/
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She knows I only eat 500 if not under at times and I’ve been so messed up lately mentally she really wants me to try and treat myself better and eat more to nourish my body. I was SO SCARED at first but I did it tonight :) it’s going to be really hard this week bc naturally I would want to exercise for 2 hours tmw and fast but I’m going to try really, really hard this time. Wish me luck and that I won’t turn into a balloon!
[Rant/Rave] I can't stop eating
/u/SalehRobbins
Created: Tue Sep 25 01:18:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iq1kc/i_cant_stop_eating/
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I'm so fucking pissed off. I can't even just stop eating. It's my only comfort but at the same time I shouldn't be eating. Purging fucking sucks. The taste, the smell, having to fucking pull strings of mucus out of your mouth with a towel. I just need to stop eating but I can't bring myself to. I was good about it when I first started, but I went from 85lbs to fucking 120 again. Hell I'm probably 130 right now and I'm so fucking mad at myself. I have nightmares about it. I'm so fucking pathetic and just. Ugh. Fuck.
I feel like an attention whore for doing this but I just need someone to sympathize. I'm so tired and stressed.
Anyone wants to be restriction buddies?
/u/fuck__r3ddit
Created: Tue Sep 25 00:16:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ipq0k/anyone_wants_to_be_restriction_buddies/
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[removed]
[Rant/Rave] progress!!
/u/isaezraa [165 | cw 53 | gw 50 |16 f | ]
Created: Tue Sep 25 00:02:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ipnbb/progress/
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I was trying on jeans today and since I was wearing a huge jumper I had to lift it up to do the zip, and holy shit you guys. I actually fucking audibly gasped when I saw my stomach, its so flat and toned and I actually can’t believe it, i’m so happy oh my god. I can’t wait to weigh myself and take measurements on the first
[Rant/Rave] IU Diet?
/u/WinterFaeKit [Height 5’8 | CW: 116 | BMI: 17 | Female]
Created: Mon Sep 24 23:52:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iplhd/iu_diet/
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So I’m vegan and have the hardest time eating anything but frozen veggies and soup? I’m also broke and not able to buy much when I grocery shop which limits my options further. I’m thinking of trying the IU diet which is from k pop star IU (obvi).
Essentially it goes like this:
Breakfast: an apple
Lunch: 1 to 2 sweet potatoes
Dinner: protein shake
Which sets her to about 300kcal.
I don’t believe she does this anymore but it is popular on the internet as a quick way to reach a goal weight. This includes an hour of cardio a day too to be successful.
I’ve been thinking of trying this just until I reach my goal weight? Especially since I have some shoots and shows coming up? I just am not sure if anyone has had any experience with it?
[Discussion] Carbs VS Cals
/u/askthedustinstead
Created: Mon Sep 24 23:47:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ipkll/carbs_vs_cals/
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Ol, I am eating (vegan) keto for a few weeks now.
And to be honest (ok, I wasn't really eating much carbs before I 'officially' went keto because of obvious reasons) I killed my sweet cravings with it (I even quitted al the zero drinks) and I feel 'better', more active an so on (as 'better' as one can get with an ED, ignoring all the pains and stuff).
But vegan keto makes me choose between low carbs and low cals, the combination is rare to find (besides allowed veggies)
Anyone else out there with the same problem?
What do you guys choose? Cal or Carbs?
(Most of the time the cals win, cause of CICO but I notice carbs are becoming very important also)
Note: sorry if it isn't very clear where I am going with this. Just need some advice or tips. Thanks!
[Discussion] is competitive eating linked with eating disorders
/u/lizzleplx [6'3" | cw: 156.6 gw: 150 ugw: 135 | 19.6 | -93.4lb | nb]
Created: Mon Sep 24 23:42:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ipjjv/is_competitive_eating_linked_with_eating_disorders/
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this might just be me projecting my own issues with food but i can't imagine that eating absurd amounts of food really fast is ever really that healthy... i was watching people eat on youtube (so i don't have to lmao) and i got curious, are there competitive eaters with eating disorders? would it be sorta... *necessary* to have an unhealthy relationship with food to do that sort of stuff in general?
one time i watched a youtube video where they ate everything on the mcdonalds menu and afterwards they all purged it. like. isn't that just an eating disorder but for views??? does this mean people get paid to have a fucked up relationship with food?
I bought taco bell and it's right in front of me. I hate myself
/u/SmallerSnail
Created: Mon Sep 24 23:35:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ipi6i/i_bought_taco_bell_and_its_right_in_front_of_me_i/
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I was SUPPOSED to be fasting, but I ate 100 calories of baby food. Than, like and idiot, I went out to taco bell and bought 3 taco Supremes. A stupid fried shell and 190 calories each (which isn't too crazy for me but there are three and I don't trust myself to stop at one.
Now it's just sitting there in the bag.
I'm "in recovery" ie. I was put in residential for anxiety and depression and when they noticed my weight loss, I was shipped off to the eating disorder residential. I've dropped down to iop, but I'm really only still in the program to get the anxiety/depression support. So part of me wants to rationalize eating them.
But I have a problem with night eating and I NEED to know I can control myself.
[Rant/Rave] I wake up holding my arms and panicking that I’m fat and huge
/u/Wander3 [Height: 162cm | CW: 37.6 kg]
Created: Mon Sep 24 22:57:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ipael/i_wake_up_holding_my_arms_and_panicking_that_im/
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How does that even happen😓
The little voice that tells me I've ruined it
/u/lunasouseiseki [180cm | 77kg | 23.8 | -10kg | F:snoo_shrug:]
Created: Mon Sep 24 22:37:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ip66f/the_little_voice_that_tells_me_ive_ruined_it/
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I finally made it to 75kg. It's been such a goal weight for me for so long (naturally now my UGW is 68kg and my Super Mega Ultimate Supreme GW is 65kg).
I was ready to take on the world and wearing my GW clothes when I made the mistake of eating lunch. A big lunch.
I know that eating one meal isn't going to reverse months of work. I get that. However, I'm hanging out for tomorrow morning after my BM to weigh myself and make sure. I feel ridiculous, but I also can't stop the fear.
Weirdly hungry and indecisive
/u/smallest_madeline [F 5'1" | CW 96.8 | HW 125 | LW 80| GW 70 🍑 smallest_madeline]
Created: Mon Sep 24 22:00:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ioxj6/weirdly_hungry_and_indecisive/
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I have been so weirdly hungry lately. I'm not even low-body fat or even losing quickly so I don't get it at all. I don't know how to solve my hunger either.
I keep oscillating between wanting to fast so that I can get to the point where I'm no longer hungry. Or just eat the junk I crave (but I figure if I keep stuff down I want it to be healthy). So I've just defaulted and binging and purging and I hate it. I think I want to do high restriction but I feel like a full stomach makes me want to purge anyway. I just can't make up my mind but I feel constantly hungry!
Is anyone else like this? Like indecisive of what strategy you want to utilize to lose weight?
[Discussion] It’s Monday! Woo I got this!
/u/Shewantstolive
Created: Mon Sep 24 21:49:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iov0x/its_monday_woo_i_got_this/
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So I just want to say if you have goals for the week like I do , commit! Meet that calorie goal ! Exercise that amount of time! Whatever it takes, feel motivated because I sure fucking do. We got this . Control control control . I don’t know why I’m posting this I just don’t want to feel mother fucking alone any more I guess . Pathetic yeah probably but at least it’s honest . Hugs!
[Rant/Rave] Control Freak.
/u/AnaTroi [5'9" | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 24 21:40:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iospv/control_freak/
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Dammit. I haven't purged all month. I was feeling so much more in control. But the last two weeks have been hell... And when I feel like I'm not in control of every minute detail of my life, I resort to purging. Restricting isn't enough. It's almost like I'm punishing myself.
Argh.
So I purged tonight.
😩
[Other] I'm scared to take antibiotics
/u/dollydomer [5'6 | 110 |GW 100 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 24 21:39:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iosl8/im_scared_to_take_antibiotics/
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I'm more scared to take antibiotics than I am to eat.
​
I am obsessed with taking a fuck ton of probiotics because they help introduce good gut bacteria.
​
a good gut bacteria would mean to me that if I fuck up and eat too much ( especially too many carbs ), my gut bacteria won't have a hard time digesting any food.
​
I only started doing this this summer because I got really bloated and couldn't digest any food whatsoever, but when I started drinking kombucha and kefir religiously, my symptoms resided.
​
I have a sinus infection now and got prescribes 10 days worth of antibiotics
​
I am so incredibly scared to take them because antibiotics absolutely kill gut bacteria and then I would have to start from scratch to rebuild my bacteria.
​
please let me know if this is the same with anyone else
​
so I am scared to take antibiotics because keeping a relatively healthy gut is my safety net
[Rant/Rave] Screw it, I'm relapsing. [rant]
/u/SchtivanTheTrbl [5' 10"| CW: fat as **** | BMI: too damn high | -52 | M]
Created: Mon Sep 24 21:31:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ioqqw/screw_it_im_relapsing_rant/
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I don't even care anymore. I have nothing to live for. Not really. I'm unlovable because I'm so fat. Nobody will ever see me as anything more than "their one fat friend". So screw it. I'm going back to restricting. I wanna just waste away. Maybe. MAYBE if I lose the weight someone will give me a reason to keep living. *Maybe* somebody will love me. Maybe. I tend to doubt it though. But if nobody loves me before I end up wasting away, well, then I'll die without ever having gained something to keep living for, right? That's basically winning at the game of Life, innit? Dying without regret because there's nothing left for you to live for.
I just had this epiphany and felt like I needed to share it with someone, but I think this is really the only place where I feel I can share it without judgement. Without someone thinking of themselves when it comes to my list of reasons to keep kicking. I want a reason for MYSELF. I don't want the only reason I keep on living to be because I would upset my friends and family. Right now that's what's keeping me from just drinking myself to death or jumping off a cliff (or both). But with as apathetic as I've been feeling lately, I don't know if that's going to hold out forever. So instead I'm just gonna kill myself slowly, and hold out that last little bit of hope I have that maybe, if I stop being such a fat piece of shit, someone will find me worthy of love before I finally die.
best energy drinks?
/u/zeneith [5'7 | CW 147.7 | BMI 22.6 | SW 211.6| UGW 110]
Created: Mon Sep 24 21:26:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iopg8/best_energy_drinks/
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been wanting to try a few since black coffee isn’t really my thing. Ya girl needs something sweet... going to the supermarket today, there’s only Monster and Redbull though. Any recommendations? x
I posted on amiugly
/u/PikachuQueen [5’4 | CW: 120lbs| BMI: 20| GW: 100lbs]
Created: Mon Sep 24 21:15:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iomvv/i_posted_on_amiugly/
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And I’ve just been crying. I’m getting people telling me to gain weight, people saying to lose weight. I’m being told by some people I’m gorgeous and other that I’m hideous and others are saying what I need to improve.
This post was a horrible idea and it’s triggering but i really don’t want to take it down yet. I’m in recovery and have gained a few pounds but now I want to go lose it all. I’m at a loss when it comes to my appearance and I guess I’ll never have a positive outlook on myself.
A lil dramatic me
/u/sadbean17 [158 | 57.8kg | 24 | 18F]
Created: Mon Sep 24 20:55:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iohyv/a_lil_dramatic_me/
---
Can't flair, on mobile. I guess this would me under "other".
Basically, this is just me spewing my emotions in dramatic writing I guess. I've found writing my feelings down helps me. You don't have to read, it's just me spewing my thoughts I guess? Anyway, here goes.
SISTER
When you called my legs chubby, it hurt me. As it is, I already over think them for hours on end.
And when you asked me what I was eating, I told you that I ate nothing but bad food. I figured that was more believable than me intentionally starving myself for days at a time.
Any when you didn't notice that I didn't eat for the days I spent with you, I couldn't blame you. No one would think someone of my size would starve.
I looked to you, mum. For support. But you gave none, you just shrugged. But I guess you and I are the same. She mocks your weight too, doesn't she? Is it because she's thinner? Is that why you starve yourself too?
I want to goto you, tell you, without it turning into a competition. Who can starve the longest.
Sometimes I think you're my trigger,
Sometimes I think I triggered you.
Mum, do you know? How could you not? I'm so obvious. Saying I'm not hungry, even though I haven't eaten a thing. Crying over eating a piece of toast. The sound of me dry heaving over a toilet bowl. The food, months old, stashed hidden in my room. You saw it, didn't you? She saw it too.
That's all I really wrote down, sorry if it's stupid lmao
[Rant/Rave] Bingeing
/u/cez80
Created: Mon Sep 24 20:54:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iohll/bingeing/
---
Damn it I’ve been so good! I had two beers and now I’m stuffing my face with ranch veggie sticks and I can’t stop.
[Discussion] My mom has an ED
/u/muesally [5’7 | CW: 160 | 25.1 | UGW: 110 | female ❤️]
Created: Mon Sep 24 20:43:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iof31/my_mom_has_an_ed/
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My self-hatred began when I got fatter than my mom because she convinced me she was naturally skinny. When she was drunk she admitted she starves and restricts. Anyone else feel like their ED was influenced by someone else? She’s been like this for years and hasn’t had any health problems and I feel like that’s motivated me.
[Rant/Rave] relapsed after two years
/u/brokenchalkboard
Created: Mon Sep 24 20:42:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ioem0/relapsed_after_two_years/
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it’s been two weeks, and I’m back in the grips of bulimia. fun. I’ve already lost 10lbs and i can’t stop the frenzy I’ve fallen into again. starve, binge at dinner, purge, cry. If I’m honest, I didn’t think I’d be “clean” forever, I expected a relapse at some point, but I’ve forgotten how painful it is emotionally and physically. f u c k my entire l i f e
COTTON CANDY GRAPES Y'ALL
/u/laisserai [4'11| cw: 🐳 | F | -10lb]
Created: Mon Sep 24 20:37:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iodjh/cotton_candy_grapes_yall/
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I'm one of those people who needs to eat something sweet at least once a day. I bought some cotton candy grapes and they're SO sweet and taste exactly like cotton candy!!!! I literally ate just 2 grapes and my sweet tooth is satisfied. I'm so amazed guys
Does anyone else believe in the set weight theory?
/u/babybreathheart
Created: Mon Sep 24 20:31:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iobtd/does_anyone_else_believe_in_the_set_weight_theory/
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My physiology professor was the one that first introduced me to this theory. It basically theorizes that your body has a "set range" that it likes to be at and will always fight to maintain that. So basically, repeated dieting is useless because no matter how much one trys, their body will always fight to get back to the set range. I think about it from time to time and it really discourages me. I feel like I have to fight really hard to be "thin". And if I just eat without thinking of my "diet" I instantly start gaining it back.
If one were interested in researching this theory MIT has a really good article about it.
Body dysmorphia feedback thread?
/u/Jenny_Roberts
Created: Mon Sep 24 20:28:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iob5j/body_dysmorphia_feedback_thread/
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(on mobile, can't flair. Also let me know if this is allowed?)
I see a ton of people on here who struggle with body dysmorphia, including myself. I'm an artist, so it's literally my job to be able to correctly see someone and be able to replicate it on paper, and it kills me that I can't objectively do that to myself.
From the posts I read on here, a lot of people don't trust ANYONE'S comments on their body, unless it's negative.
Thay being said
I personally find it helpful when others tell me what I look like and give me honest feedback, and this seems like the safest place to do so. Not a compliment circle jerk, but a place to give honest, uplifting feedback.
Is anyone else interested in this? Is there another sub that I should be looking at that I don't know about? I'd love a place or a weekly thread where we post body checks and can give our opinions. It's not for everyone, but it could be really helpful for some people.
[Rant/Rave] gained 7 lbs in 2 days?! wtf?!
/u/coffeebean27
Created: Mon Sep 24 20:23:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9io9r0/gained_7_lbs_in_2_days_wtf/
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So I apparently gained 2 lbs in 2 days!!! The fuck? How... I mean I know that I ate over my calorie limit and didn’t run but damn (I ate about 2,500-2,700). I workout everyday and burn 500-700 calories so I thought it was okay to take a day off. I’m freaking out... shit...
I’m think of restricting to 1,000 cals (it’s high but I also have to be able to run 3-5 miles a day and sometimes swim too). I’m so fucked... i hate this. I feel like absolute crap.
Like how did this seriously happen??
How am I GAINING weight???
/u/alysiakw
Created: Mon Sep 24 20:07:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9io5qq/how_am_i_gaining_weight/
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Three day fast, drinking plenty of water. When I do eat, it’s always under 600 calories. And yet I keep seeing the scale go up over the last week. What am I doing wrong? I hate this. I need this extra weight off of me. And the more my weight goes up, the more I restrict, and it’s just getting to be a lot right now.
When you try to eat like a normal person:
/u/Flesh-And-Bone [Too Short | Too Fat | Too Old | Duderino]
Created: Mon Sep 24 20:06:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9io5iu/when_you_try_to_eat_like_a_normal_person/
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“Have I eaten too many calories?”
“Am I hungry or am I thirsty or am I both?”
“Should I eat this or is it going to put me over my daily limit?”
Rant: I tried to eat like a normal person on Saturday. Hungry at midnight driving home from a fair distance. Stop at Arby’s.
“Oh, they have meat and I can just dump the bread. A gyro sounds good.”
Check the calories today. Over 700 for one. I had two because they were running a special. Fuck you, this is why I have an ED.
[Discussion] Is anyone else a volume eater?
/u/TinyJarOfRocks [5’1 | CW 107 GW 95]
Created: Mon Sep 24 19:51:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9io1f8/is_anyone_else_a_volume_eater/
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For instance today I stayed under 700 calories BUT I had v8 juice (30), hot and sour soup (110), peach yogurt (80), pb2 (50), smoked salmon (160) Brussel sprouts (88), two hot pickles (10) AND popcorn (100).
I am so jealous of those of you who can restrict and eat so little physically. I spend a ton on groceries.
Just relapsed after 2 years of recovery. Need some words of support
/u/arsenicswimmingpool
Created: Mon Sep 24 19:40:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9inynk/just_relapsed_after_2_years_of_recovery_need_some/
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I stopped going to therapy for ED awhile back and instead worked on my CPTSD. I was recovered. I was fine and actually eating what I wanted. But like the bitch anorexia is, she came back and clawed me by the throat and dragged me into hell.
Need some words of support. Not encouraging me to lose weight but just knowing someone is there for me lol
Also I am not skinny at all in my opinion and pretty overweight but I am still way skinnier than I was overall pre-ED so like idk
[Rant/Rave] What the hell is going on lately????
/u/thingsarestranger [5’2” | CW:121.7 | GW1:115 | SW:160 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 24 19:38:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iny5y/what_the_hell_is_going_on_lately/
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So in the past month I’ve gotten food for free around 7 times and twice at a discounted price for no reason. Men and women employees who don’t know me and don’t even say anything about it they just do it. I hit my LW and this is triggering as fuck for me. Am I finally attractive now and people want to give me shit for free??? Am I actually skinny and they want to feed me??? This has never happened before in my life especially not at my HW... Just now I got an x-large slurpee at 7-11 and the girl only charged me $1. The other day I paid for sushi and a drink at my campus food court and got only charged for the drink (the sushi was $13 and the drink was $2 lol). People are suddenly just always nice to me and always giving me food for free. I just rly don’t understand what the hell is going on lately
The absolute terror I feel about losing my hair is the only reason I don’t restrict to under 500 calories a day.
/u/mormoninquisition [5’3 F| CW 121.6| BMI 22.14 | SW 137.5]
Created: Mon Sep 24 19:09:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9inqjw/the_absolute_terror_i_feel_about_losing_my_hair/
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I have long, thick, auburn hair, about waist length now. While it never does what it’s supposed to, people have always complimented the color. It’s one of the only things I like about my body.
And I’m still starting to lose it 😢
What are your odd little reasons keeping you from giving in totally?
[Rant/Rave] Everyone wants me to stop losing weight and it just makes me hate myself more and more
/u/ManWithTheHands [6'5" | HW-333 CW-242 GW-220 | 26.68 (so close) | -92 | 19M]
Created: Mon Sep 24 18:37:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ini8z/everyone_wants_me_to_stop_losing_weight_and_it/
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Everybody i know seems to think i'm at a good weight, when:
-my bmi still says im a fat fuck
-my stomach looks like i belong in some sort of freak show
-they haven't seen me with my shirt off
It just makes me want to fucking die because i know i will never get better. I have little to no fat on my arms, legs, and chest, i just have this disgusting layer of shit on my abdomen, and it makes me suicidal nearly every time i think about it.
If anyone knows how i can get rid of this layer of stubborn fat on my lower abdomen, feel free to let me know.
Old men keep caaling me fat on the street and im losing it
/u/andamaria
Created: Mon Sep 24 18:29:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ing4m/old_men_keep_caaling_me_fat_on_the_street_and_im/
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So for some weeks i ve been very depressed and haven't manage to restrict as much, therefore im not at my desired weight, but rationally speaking (as in, in my mind i ll always be f**--hate the word, but sometimes reality checks help) i wouldn't categorize myself as very f** right now, and clearly not as big as to drawn that much attention publicly.
Idk what s going on, but 3 weeks ago some homeless old man i ve never seen before, after basically asking for a blowjob and me ignoring him, said without any context 'hahaah you gained weight'. I mean why would someone random say this anyway. He could have said anything else that could have bothered me in his opinion and he went with this, why?
Another time as i was walking on the street, some old man walking from the opposite direction, suddenly made, as he passed by me, a remark to my thighs, but in my language, the word he used kinda depicts meaty thick thighs.
Im sure i ve repressed other such situstions, but now today, as i passed by 2 old men, i heard after one of them saying 'she's so fat, This girl'. Now i know, he could have been talking about someone else but i dont think so because it was an immediate reaction after i passed by them.
I dont get it, either my bdd is apparently making me see myself lighter than i actually am nowadays but i rly dont think that's the case, either the old men in my country are assholes for no reason (i mean especially old men, isn't the old male generation supposed to appreciate rather meaty women?) , or im just being paranoid and hearing stuff that's not real
Either way im losing my mind hahhahahhahaa thx
[Discussion] Scoliosis and my ED
/u/subspacehipster [5'5'' | 119 | 20.03 | -16lbs | F]
Created: Mon Sep 24 18:19:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9indcz/scoliosis_and_my_ed/
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So I have a really weird relationship between my ED and my scoliosis. I have mild-to-severe scoliosis, not so bad you can tell from far away but close up you can see how weirdly my shoulders rest and I sometimes have to use a cane.
I stopped growing 6ish years ago, in middle school I really peaked but then just stopped.
I am left thinking very frequently that if I had the corrective surgery (somewhat unlikely) how much taller I’d be, at least an inch, and how My BMI would change. That perhaps my body holds extra weight because it thinks I’m taller than I am. Frankly these are excuses I am telling myself but I still think about it.
I also wish to have the surgery just for all the weight loss in recovery, it would be hell but I’d lose so much.
Any thoughts?
Consultation...
/u/slightlyannoyed0 [5'5 | CW:120 | GW:105| UGW: 90]
Created: Mon Sep 24 18:04:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9in93j/consultation/
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My therapist recommended some eating disorder specialists the other week, and my mother recently contacted a few close by to where I live. I have a consult Thursday and am forced to go. I don't need or deserve help, my BMI is healthy, my blood pressure and heart rate are fine, I am a fat whale who needs to lose more weight, if anything. I don't think they'll even consider helping me until I am at a low BMI for my height (which I believe is 108). I don't have anorexia, I don't have bulimia, I'm too fat for both of those and my symptoms don't match up. So what if I eat less than 600 calories a day? So what if it's difficult to pay attention in class? So what if I want to be the skinniest at school? I am 99.9% sure that they will just shrug me off as some "wannabe" and just "stressed from the pressures of junior year". They'll tell me "come back after your BMI is lower than 18.5", which to me, sounds like a challenge that I am willing to partake in. I hate even stepping into a clinic, especially when someone is skinnier than me (which is mostly everyone). I don't think I can handle this--being told that I don't have an eating disorder since the criteria given isn't enough for a diagnosis. I also don't think I can handle being told that I have an eating disorder, especially if I definitely don't think I have one. I feel hopeless and worthless 24/7, why can't I just loathe in self-pity and hope I lose weight from crying (I wish). I haven't purged in a while, especially after reading an article that terrified me on an autopsy of a young girl with bulimia and anorexia, but I do restrict and fast a lot, I don't binge though, I never do. I still think I need to lose 20 more pounds before I will actually be considered as someone with an eating disorder. My mind has been programmed to tell myself that if someone is losing weight at an alarming rate, I should help them and make sure they aren't suffering from an eating disorder. But when I lose weight, I become ecstatic and don't think twice about how what I am doing is "unhealthy".
I just don't know what to do. I don't think I should have a specialist waste their time on someone who is perfectly fine, like me. I... don't even know anymore.
Sorry this was long... didn't know how else to get this off my chest.
Now the amount of food I eat is being noticed...ugh
/u/ChasityJay
Created: Mon Sep 24 18:03:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9in90r/now_the_amount_of_food_i_eat_is_being_noticedugh/
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I haven’t eaten in almost two days and my dad handed me a plate of food and I made a stupid excuse so I could throw it away. He brought me another plate and wouldn’t leave until I took at least one bite. I’m so angry cause I almost went two days without anything at all and I was feeling so good. He then said I need to eat more and I was gonna die if I didn’t start eating..
I didn’t know it was that obvious cause I’ve been longer without eating and he randomly just said that to me. I don’t know how to feel about it honestly.
I’m still trying to figure out a way to throw my plate of food away without him noticing cause most of the time I just don’t get or make a plate of food and he never says anything but for some reason tonight he’s forcing me to eat.
It makes me angry and sad 😔
[Help] people have been saying i’m “tiny” but i cant see it
/u/seeyasis
Created: Mon Sep 24 18:02:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9in8qh/people_have_been_saying_im_tiny_but_i_cant_see_it/
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i lost 5 kgs in a small amount of time after already losing quite a lot of weight previously. i was talking to my ex for the first time in months and she asked if i was taking care of myself and i asked what she meant, and she told me as soon as she saw a photo of me she knew what was going on, but i look at those photos and still see someone reasonably big and definitely not skinny. i then went out with friends and was borrowing clothes but they told me i was too small to fit in them, and i had to wear a size smaller than i usually did to fit a skirt. then after that night a friend told a mutual friend i looked “tiny”. i also saw an old friend and she mentioned to me that i was “tiny” as well.
i don’t see it though! i honestly still think i look the same and i still want to lose more weight. i don’t understand what people are seeing when they see me.
even with my clothes, i’ve gone down to the smallest size but i still think that’s a pure fluke and that the clothes must run big. it’s as if numbers and comments mean nothing to me.
i feel like i don’t really know what i look like.
[Rant/Rave] Veganism is ruining my weight loss
/u/Hielier [21F | 175,5cm| CW: Fat | UGW: 49kg ]
Created: Mon Sep 24 17:58:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9in7tf/veganism_is_ruining_my_weight_loss/
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I've been vegan for 3 years and before that it was so much easier to lose weight. Like I would only eat tomatoes, canned tuna, chicken breasts, turkey york and eeg whites and that would satiate me a lot. Vegetables, on the other hand, are so fast to digest that I get hungry five minutes later after eating them, and legumes have too much calories and bloat me a lot. And not to talk about all the processed low-cal food I can't eat because they contain some animal product.
​
I'm not thinking about leaving veganism because I do it for ethical reasons but it just annoys me so much.
[Help] Ways to suppress appetite?
/u/lift098 [F/5’9 CW:150 GW:135]
Created: Mon Sep 24 17:50:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9in5hs/ways_to_suppress_appetite/
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Hi,
So i really want to lose 15 pounds so im skinny again instead of ‘normal’. But everytime i lose the first few pounds, i get hungry AF and start binging again. So im looking for things that can suppress my appetite, especially during weak moments.
Any ideas? Only thing i can come up with is caffeine (from coffee mostly)
[Other] My boss is concerned?
/u/lemonpepperfresh [5'1 | CW 117 | GW 92]
Created: Mon Sep 24 17:48:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9in512/my_boss_is_concerned/
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So today my boss talked to me in private to ask about my eating habits. She said that she only saw me drink coffee for lunch today, and that if she skipped lunch like I did she'd feel really tired. I lied (obviously) and told her I just eat two big meals a day, and that that is the way I've eaten since high school. She also mentioned how I have too many energy drinks and how I should stop since I'm young and it's bad for my heart.
I feel like crying. Now whenever I have my coffee or drink during lunch I'm gonna feel so self conscious and watched... Its real bad since we all eat in a small room at the back of the store, so its not like I can really hide what I'm eating from her.
Thoughts? Should I keep eating as is or should I try to bring a small fruit or snack to work?
[Discussion] DAE get sick from Cliff Bars
/u/PrincessQuinn [5'5.5 | 125 | 20.5 | Goal: 105 | MtF]
Created: Mon Sep 24 17:43:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9in3o6/dae_get_sick_from_cliff_bars/
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These things are so fucking disgusting to me :c one bite from them makes me feel extremely full and nauseous. I have no idea how people even without an ED could eat an entire one.
(mostly recovered at least!) BED logic
/u/incognitomiscreant [5'6 | CW: 129 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 24 17:31:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9in0l5/mostly_recovered_at_least_bed_logic/
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better eat all 3000 calories of this box of cookies at once so i don't have them around the house to tempt me!!! (((:
I hate myself.
[Rant/Rave] fibre one bars, you are my new god
/u/sexsymboI [5'9 | CW: 156lbs | UGW: 115lbs | 18F | 🍑: ladyluckless]
Created: Mon Sep 24 17:19:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9imx6j/fibre_one_bars_you_are_my_new_god/
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not like, literally but you know what i mean.
bought my first box of fibre one bars today & i swear to god i almost cried. cinnamon bun flavored? tasting like ACTUAL cinnamon buns?? ONLY 90 CALORIES??? get in my fucking mouth. im walking back to walmart to buy 36292 more boxes. its 7:30pm & i live in an ultra shady area but do i care? absolutely not. i would marry the creator or fibre one. does he want me to suck his dick? idk how many calories cum is but god knows i'd do it. i actually got up & prayed for the first time since last ramadan. i will never again doubt r/proed amen amen.
offtopic but i had a convo with my best friend about weight loss & i found out she's 85lbs, which was super triggering. like. how. i always knew she was skinny & tiny (she's 5'0) but literally how. i calculated her tdee & its almost exactly less than 1200 & she doesnt ever eat at maintenance i just. HOW DO YOU NOT EAT????? im baffled.
anyways all hail fibre one bars i love you little bitches
It's been so easy
/u/blabberbomb
Created: Mon Sep 24 17:18:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9imwyt/its_been_so_easy/
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I really don't know how or why, but I've slipped back into restricting more and more. This is my second 24 hr fast in the last week, week and a half, and I went to the gym today! And have another fast planned.
I've had so many problems with binging (it was primarily binging) and restricting and hating my body for the last 13 years. I've tried, as terrible as it sounds, to trigger myself over and over. But I take mushrooms one time and now I accidentally have an iron will over food?????
Okay, I guess. But I'll take it.
[Help] MFP gone completely insane?
/u/BunnyAwesome [5'7"| F | CW 116 | GW 105]
Created: Mon Sep 24 17:04:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9imtc3/mfp_gone_completely_insane/
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Hello all 😊 so I've been using MFP for a while now and connected it to Google fit and recently Sworkit but it seems to have gone completely insane.
It's started zeroing my calories burned using the step tracker if i log anything via Sworkit or manually? Did the same for pacer but that seems to be a "feature" of the app... and now MFP is talking some bollocks about not letting me go below my goal calories?! I mean... wtf?
I might go back to Loseit if this continues... anyone else had trouble with syncing apps and random removal of calories burned?
[Rant/Rave] ..,not even eating makes me feel better...
/u/CastleInTheAttic
Created: Mon Sep 24 16:56:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9imqvq/not_even_eating_makes_me_feel_better/
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So I’ve been feeling sad about some relationship woes and I decided to get some Taco Bell as a treat. (The Fresca menu is pretty healthy and I threw away my lunch)
And as I was looking for the nearest Taco Bell I realized I didn’t even have interest in that.
Welp, I guess it’s time for some good, old fashioned, depression fasting.....
[Discussion] What makes you happy?
/u/FeatherMahogany59
Created: Mon Sep 24 16:47:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9imol5/what_makes_you_happy/
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Aside from food and caffeine, what makes you happy? I think I am crashing from caffeine and/or lack of food, so I am in the process of adjusting my calories and schedule to prevent it, but I am always SO SAD and anxious after work or when I try to relax.
I’m curious, what makes you all happy?
[Discussion] DAE feel guilty after eating their OMAD?
/u/mich8881
Created: Mon Sep 24 16:34:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9imkru/dae_feel_guilty_after_eating_their_omad/
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I save 90% of my calories for dinner but feel guilty when I eat a 900 calorie meal and my total for the day is still only 1000 calories
[Discussion] my friend made me feel pretty good today
/u/impractically-me
Created: Mon Sep 24 16:32:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9imk73/my_friend_made_me_feel_pretty_good_today/
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so i was showing my friends a picture of me in my homecoming dress. the dress is two piece and shows a little bit of stomach, i wanted to step out of my comfort zone a little and i liked the colors of the dress and the design. so anyways, my one friends says to me as she looks at the picture, “oh my god, youre an actual skinny goddess!” and that made me feel pretty good
[Rant/Rave] Just ate my Weight in Veggie Straws
/u/peyton2724
Created: Mon Sep 24 16:29:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9imja4/just_ate_my_weight_in_veggie_straws/
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I’d been restricting so well for so long. I haven’t binged even remotely in months. And now here I am, waiting for this dumb pumpkin pie that I’ve been looking forward to all day to cook and I just ate loads of veggie straws.
I realize it was probably way less than I thought, and that there’s no way it could even set me close to my maintenance for today, but I’m freaking out. My self worth has never been so low.
“Who can relate?”
[Discussion] Lying to the nurse
/u/Butterfly_Rose
Created: Mon Sep 24 16:28:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9imizu/lying_to_the_nurse/
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I had to go into the sexual health clinic today for my annual contraceptive pill collection.
They take your blood pressure and weight.
I was dreading it, I knew it would come up as underweight, I tried wearing heavy shoes and clothes but I had to take the shoes off.
45.5kg. BMI 18.
I'm .5kg away from my goal but I have to hide my happiness, lie about not intentionally loosing 9kg, and my eating habits. I had to make so many excuses and play dumb.
I said it was due to a stressful summer job, and that I didn't have time to eat but it's fine now.
I don't know how to feel about this. I'm usually an honest person.
I don't know what the point of this post is... I just feel so dirty for lying and there's noone I can tell.
Anyone else remember the first time they had to lie for their ED?
Lettinft yourself go
/u/ItsAMe-username
Created: Mon Sep 24 16:24:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9imhvy/lettinft_yourself_go/
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My BMI used to be 11.1 about 13 years ago.
Many people die at that point. I can't really remember how I got better because those years are a foggy memory. I barely remember body checks, my mom hugging me as an excuse to count my spine. I vaguely remember them preparing my funeral arrangements.
Since then, even when still under weight, it's been a steady progression of letting myself go.
Even as I restrict I always tell myself it could never get that bad again.
But I see a lot of people talking about lowest weight and goal weight and I can't really relate because even in the midst of my disorder I tell myself "not that far."
And in Ed forums it can be very frustrating to know I will hopefully never hit my lowest weight Target ever again.
But maybe I'm lying to myself because it's been so long since I was starving, and I forget that drive to disappear.
I want to be seen. I just want to be seen as skinny.
What I can say is that once you get to a certain point, it feels like any amount of recovery is a lie.
I wish I could go back and just stop this 15 year long internal war from starting.
Is it possible to ever accept a normal relationship with food and body? I feel like I should be over this by now.
It's strange when an extreme ED as a teenager becomes a hidden ED as an adult.
You're no longer valid because you aren't dying.
[Rant/Rave] my friend i haven’t seen in a few weeks told me i looked skinner!!!
/u/sono-pazza
Created: Mon Sep 24 16:23:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9imhmr/my_friend_i_havent_seen_in_a_few_weeks_told_me_i/
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i’m so happy!! she just started going to a college that’s down the road from me (brownie points if anyone happens to guess it). yesterday she asked if i wanted to buy some of her adderall (i’m kinda fucked mentally rn and i need to focus on studying😅). so she comes over and wants to see my room and i had a crop top on, then she told me i look really cute and skinny!! her and i both suffer from eating disorders so she knows how much that means to me. i’m still happy 🤩
[Rant/Rave] I’m about to have a meltdown over pizza
/u/achildrenofbodomfan
Created: Mon Sep 24 16:20:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9imgrj/im_about_to_have_a_meltdown_over_pizza/
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I’m in the car with my older sister and she wants to get two large pizzas and she wants to share one with me. I have been restricting between 0-300 calories all week and i :) don’t :) want :) to :) fuck :) it :) up but I feel like I have to eat it because she’s paying for it and so no one suspects that I’m relapsing.
[Rant/Rave] Feeling like a can of trash after a night out
/u/theminiaturelife
Created: Mon Sep 24 16:11:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9imedp/feeling_like_a_can_of_trash_after_a_night_out/
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I’ve lurked for a while here and I just want to apologize in advance for the ranting word vomit I’m about to unleash but I just feel like a living dumpster and apparently today is trash day. I was doing so much better over the last few months. I was eating more and my parents were happy to see me put on weight. But that’s changed and I’m sliding back down into my trash habits. Right now it’s Monday afternoon and I haven’t eaten since Saturday evening. I took Adderall to cheat through work without food, like a weakling because right now I’m not even mentally strong enough to properly fast.
I probably put on ~25-30lbs while I was “recovering” aka juggling a mental state of simultaneously 1) knowing that numbers-wise I’m not the heaviest I’ve ever been, but 2) still thinking I’m a fat bloated whale for gaining, yet 3) trying to break the food obsession so my hair will regrow and my skin will stop looking like crumpled up crepe paper. Even if it meant my clothes got tighter. To not be cold all the time. To stop the self loathing and hatred and obsessive thoughts and pill abuse and hiding laxatives and sneaking around in general. Now I feel like I’m falling into bad behaviors but...I feel strangely happy about it? Because it means I’ll feel attractive and happy again.
This weekend I went out bar hopping/clubbing with my friends which I hadn’t done in a while. My best friend is a model and musician. She’s blonde and tall and beautiful with this unreal tiny waist and amazing proportions. She breezes to the front of any line at a club and bouncers just wave her in. Guys stop her on the street to ask her who she is. I am not exaggerating. It’s almost unbelievable the attention she gets. But she’s a warm, genuine, amazing person. I don’t resent her for her good looks, cause we should build each other up not tear each other down. I feel terrible for envying her....
Saturday night she and I tried to skip to the front of a line/get in free and the bouncer turned us down :( I know it was because of me, because earlier that night she got in free to the previous club solo.
And I know I absolutely should NOT complain about not being able to skip lines at clubs! Talk about first world problems right?! But it happened all the time when I was 30lbs lighter...
To make it worse, at brunch (where I could blame the hangover for just pushing food around my plate instead of eating) one of my other friends in the group called us out. Her words keep replaying in my head “hah! These two thought they were soOoOo hot they could just skip the line by smiling at the bouncer! Y’all might be pretty but you don’t look THAT good - you have to wait in line with the rest of us!!” She didn’t mean to be cruel but her words just rubbed it in my face.
And of course the group wanted to take pictures on pictures on pictures that night and they’re all posted in our group chat...and my “healthy” body is disgusting. I know it’s the pics that really triggered me and I shouldn’t look but I can’t stop. I’ve been looking through them every chance I can get since Sunday morning.
The pictures are horrifying. Knowing I’m walking around looking this bloated and sausage-like is even worse. Even though I ~technically~ fit into my clubbing clothes (tight dress, thigh high boots aka Standard Hoe™️) the pictures are making it clear I shouldn’t have even tried. At work on my breaks today I can’t stop zooming in to see my fleshy upper arms, my huge sausage waist, my double chin, my fat violin hips. All the rolls on my sides. You can see my fat arms bulge through the jacket I was wearing. And even though I did my hair up you can still see the bald spots where it hasn’t grown back from falling out :( I joked when I put on my thigh-high boots that the boots weren’t tall enough to go up properly up my knee but inside I know - and I’m sure from the outside everyone else can tell - it’s because my thighs are huge ham hocks.
I’m just not attractive anymore and it fucking sucks. When I was thin I was pretty. I could ride the coattails of her group into parties and events and stuff, and at least kind of fit in. Now even all dolled up for a night out I look like a mountain troll. I hate comparing my now self to everyone else and to my thinner self. I feel like I’m back in elementary and middle school, half a foot taller and 30lbs heavier than everyone else. Looking through the pics from Saturday I just kept hearing my old classmates “fatty fatty!” and “look at the cottage cheese spilling out of your ripped jeans!” and “you’d have nice legs if you just stopped eating so many chips” etc.
But I can’t blame my mental problems on anyone else. I can only blame myself and I feel so messed up.
If anyone read this far...thank you for reading through my relapse rants ❤️
[Rant/Rave] I am a freaking whale
/u/nadaatractiva
Created: Mon Sep 24 15:59:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9imaon/i_am_a_freaking_whale/
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I was finally losing weight (10#)and went on a eat-every-single-thing-you-see kind of week and now I gained 12 pounds, I am so mad with myself I don't even know what to do. Came to work today walking instead of driving (2.5hr walk) and haven't eaten anything in 26 hours and I feel like fainting but don't really wanma put anything in my mouth cause I look as fat a a fucking wgale6
Guys with ED, any tips on increasing your libido/performance in bed?
/u/ballzofsteel37
Created: Mon Sep 24 15:54:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9im98h/guys_with_ed_any_tips_on_increasing_your/
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Sorry for the TMI but ED has absolutely wrecked my erections (or lack of) in bed and it’s fucking embarrassing. I finally bring a beautiful girl home after a month of dry spell and couldn’t perform. I’m young and active so any tips would help please :(
caffeine resistant ???
/u/monkychunky
Created: Mon Sep 24 15:53:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9im903/caffeine_resistant/
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hello all, I was wondering if any of you are in the same boat as I where caffeine doesn’t seem to boost you like it does others!!! I don’t think it’s an issue of tolerance- ive just never experienced a noticeable change when I drink it. I just got back to university and am in a restrictive mode for the first time in years and it really sucks. I’m struggling to keep my energy up and am doing my best to eat nutritious things when I can.. Is there anything else I should look into besides energy drinks and coffee for the times when I can’t bring myself to eat anything?
[Help] I don't understand why I eat so frequently???
/u/aswerefallingdown
Created: Mon Sep 24 15:50:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9im87b/i_dont_understand_why_i_eat_so_frequently/
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I eat *all the time*. I have no idea why. It doesn't matter how much or how little I eat. The nutrient, the volume of the food, the type of food... I just eat/drink a LOT. It's obviously a habit but it's the one thing I can't control. I don't know why, but I feel the compulsion to eat or drink all the time. Lately, I can feel my body and mind needing a break from it. I don't know how to explain it... I need some peace and I need to stop consuming things, but my brain just won't stop wanting to consume things (even though I'm usually full or satisfied).
Can anyone help me? I've tried switching out foods, diets, etc. I eat way more healthy than before as of now, but I am still eating just as frequently. I eat maybe every 2 hours and, tbh, it's quite exhausting. I'm never full or hungry, just kind of inbetween. I need to take a break from food. I'll listen to any suggestions. Thanks.
[Rant/Rave] I can’t believe it???
/u/unlicensedrussian
Created: Mon Sep 24 15:40:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9im524/i_cant_believe_it/
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Today I was at work just putting stock out and this woman comes up to me and asks me whether an XS (uk size 6/8 so probably us 4/6 I think please correct if wrong) coat would fit me. I nearly laughed in her face but being a good sales assistant I was like I’ll try it on for you if you’d like!!! So I put it on and it fit!!!!! It was slightly tight across my boobs but it zipped up!!! I could have worn it!!!! I know it’s not the smallest size ever but I’ve never fit into something that small before, an XS too! It just shows that the image I have of myself is completely different to what it actually is.
Still gonna restrict tho lmao
[Rant/Rave] [Rant]Could you not?
/u/ditchwater_Sal
Created: Mon Sep 24 15:37:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9im48v/rantcould_you_not/
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( on mobile so I apologize for formatting and proper flare)
To the much thinner than me woman on the subway
Could you not laugh with your friends as *soon* as I get on the subway about the fact I have a mcdonalds bag? Yes. I'm very very aware about the calories in my fries. I dont need your commentary about how deliciously little you consume. I'm not going to turn to you and tell you while your half an avocado is impressive I'm struggling to stay on the wagon after a week long fast that followed a 2 week under 100 restriction. Im not going to point out that I both caved and proudly ordered this thing of fries because it took half a block and the whole line to convince myself I had eaten barely anything lately so it's ok. It's not the gold star flirting technique you're trying to use it as, so could you just not?
[Rant/Rave] That time where my friend almost exposed me on a party and I drunkenly tried to cover it up.
/u/Trowawaysadness
Created: Mon Sep 24 15:20:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ilzfw/that_time_where_my_friend_almost_exposed_me_on_a/
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TLDR; My attention seeking friend commented on my weight at a party and my drunk ass spend 4 hours trying to get out of several awkward situations.
This happened a while ago but I just had a shower, thought about it again and realized it still pisses me off.
Short backstory: I met G. a few years back, when I hit my lowest point ED wise. We became inseparable and she really helped me get through one of the most difficult years of my life. After high school we both went our separate ways, and our friendship faded a bit. We now only see each other on social gatherings.
She is the one of the only people in my group of friends was there/who knows about my ED. The rest has no idea and I like to keep it that way.
Now G. is the kind of person who likes to exaggerate things, make her life seem a bit more dramatic that it actually is and sometimes it's almost as if she's desperately trying to turn her everyday life into some kind of indie movie or something. And on that particular evening, I (involuntarily) was side character.
As soon as she arrived she hugged me and immediately said: "oh sweetheart! what have you done to yourself? you're so skinny, i felt your ribs!" . Mind you, this was in front of all my other friends, who -like I said - don't know about my ED past. I was a bit drunk and immediately stressed tf out and I kind of just awkwardly laughed and tried to shut her up.
She then decided to pick me up. "Look, I can even lift you up!" My drunk ass, now in the air, could only think 'fuck.' 'Cause as soon as she put me down, this became a weird fucking game where everyone tried to pick me up. At the time I thought it was a great idea to kiss everyone who picked me up on the forehead as a way to distract them (you know... like a sober person would do).
Fast forward to when the deep fried snacks and spring rolls were served and my other friend kept offering/feeding me them, saying "Take another one! You're still growing!" (as a joke, I'm tall af and stopped growing like two years ago). Yes, I ate them all. I'm disgusting.
A few minutes later my friend (who is pretty small, and again: I'm pretty tall) was giving me a piggy back ride outside and she was like "I'm 120lbs and even I can carry you! You must weight less" and she looked at me expecting an answer. I mumbled 'idunnoman' and pet her hair or something, I can't even remember. But she looked at me a second too long in the eyes and that still keeps me awake at night.
I quickly went over to G. and hooked my arm through her's. We started talking about her life and for a moment it was fine. But then she started talking about her body and how she gained a few pounds and got fat etc. So I was all like "you're not that fat, no worries haha", cause she really isn't and I'm trying to be kind her. But she morphed that comment into a "fat= bad, skinny= good, Leander has a fucked up view on bodies" kind of thing." (I mean, I do, but just my body). Well, shit. This cover up isn't going great.
Half an hour later. I'm on the ground because I tripped over a friend. I walked over to the bench where the rest is sitting as well and show of my freshly bruised knee to my friend. "Leander, you have REALLY small legs." WELL FUCK. Better bring my 'critique my body' bingo card next time, might win something.
I was so done by the end of the night. I was a bit too intoxicated to be mad about the whole situation, but now I am really pissed. Especially because I notice how some now pay more attention to my eating habits. Or maybe I'm just paranoid. Anyways, fuck you G.
How long can I fast for "safely"?
/u/conuretrash [5'4''| 20 F | CW 154 | GW 115| -36 |]
Created: Mon Sep 24 14:57:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ilsa7/how_long_can_i_fast_for_safely/
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I went three days without eating and had 450 cals so far today. I don't want to eat anymore, or at all tomorrow. I'm already planning to fast next Monday-Thursday though. Is this "safe"? Will I collapse? I'm in the overweight BMI so I think I should be fine but I found all these articles online saying it's bad and my therapist said it's super dangerous, although both of these just sound like fat logic to me. I need to weigh in the 140s by next Friday. It's just three pounds away! Part of me doesn't want to eat until I get there but IDK if that's too far.
someone explain why this is only 8 calories but has 9g carbs (36 calories?!?!?) this is why I have trust issues
/u/aha98 [160cm CW: 132.6lbs LW: ~115lbs GW: 105lbs F]
Created: Mon Sep 24 14:46:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ilovz/someone_explain_why_this_is_only_8_calories_but/
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https://i.redd.it/aeww15ct09o11.jpg
So hungry but I still can’t eat
/u/ChasityJay
Created: Mon Sep 24 14:44:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ilo12/so_hungry_but_i_still_cant_eat/
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I didn’t eat at all yesterday or today and it’s getting late in the afternoon. I’ve been drinking so much caffeine to drive way the urge to eat. I was thinking about eating a few crackers but even that will stress me out mentally and emotionally if I do that.
It’s so annoying sometimes cause I want to eat but my mind won’t allow me to, no matter what it is.
[Rant/Rave] I knew everyone thought I was fat
/u/yellowposy2
Created: Mon Sep 24 14:42:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ilnoq/i_knew_everyone_thought_i_was_fat/
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I’m technically in recovery so everyone is super nice to me about appearance but I know I’ve gained weight and I feel like a whale. Today I went to see my Nana who I haven’t seen in about a month and the first thing she said to me is that she could tell I had gained weight. She followed it up by saying if I wore clothes that were less tight, I wouldn’t look overweight. I knew it. That is 100% confirmation that I am the fat cow I thought I was and I need to lose weight. My best friend is tiny and perfect and beautiful and she works out every day. I’m going to do the same. I’ve been going to the gym 2-3x a week but I need to make it more if I’m going to keep binging like the fat ass I am. Fuck I hate myself. I hate my body. I will always hate my body because I was cursed to have literally no waist so I look disgusting at any size but now I know other people think I look gross too.
I wish I never figured out that I could control my own body weight.
/u/RosenWeiss9 [5'3.5 | CW 115 | GW 104 | LW 107 | F26]
Created: Mon Sep 24 14:38:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ilm77/i_wish_i_never_figured_out_that_i_could_control/
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I feel like discovering CICO ruined my life. In the past 10 years since I stopped growing, I've never exceeded 130 lbs or been lower than 110 (except briefly over the past year (I'm 5'3 or 5'4). I've been omnivore, vegetarian, vegan, athletic, lazy, had an active job, sedentary job, everything. If I never tried restricting and gotten below 110 I would have just continued believing I'd never have a skinny body and been fine with that like I was before. I'd be the exact same weight as I am now just without the obsession and unhappiness. Its so stupid and so regretful but I just really need to prove to myself I can do it.
[Rant/Rave] My friend tried to expose me in front of all my other friends and I think she did it just for her own amusement.
/u/Trowawaysadness
Created: Mon Sep 24 14:33:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ilkyr/my_friend_tried_to_expose_me_in_front_of_all_my/
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This happened a while ago but I just had a shower, thought about it again and realized it still affected me.
Short backstory: I met G. a few years back, when I hit my lowest point ED wise. We became inseparable and she really helped me get through one of the most difficult years of my life. After high school we both went our separate ways, and our friendship faded a bit. We now only see each other on social gatherings.
She is the one of the only people in my group of friends was there/who knows about my ED. The rest has no idea and I like to keep it that way.
Now G. is the kind of person who likes to exaggerate things, make her life seem a bit more dramatic that it actually is and sometimes it's almost as if she's desperately trying to turn her everyday life into some kind of indie movie or something. And on that particular evening, I (involuntarily) was side character.
As soon as she arrived she hugged me and immediately said: "oh sweetheart! what have you done to yourself? you're so skinny, i felt your ribs!" . Mind you, this was in front of all my other friends, who -like I said - don't know about my ED past. I was a bit drunk and immediately stressed tf out and I kind of just awkwardly laughed and tried to shut her up.
She then decided to pick me up. "Look, I can even lift you up!" My drunk ass, now in the air, could only think 'fuck.' 'Cause as soon as she put me down, this became a weird
[Discussion] dae not want people to notice their weight loss?
/u/lightningmcqueef69 [5'5.5" | 114.6lbs | 18.78 | 18 | enby 💛]
Created: Mon Sep 24 14:29:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iljp2/dae_not_want_people_to_notice_their_weight_loss/
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like, i just want to reach my gw and stay there, and not have anyone ever remember i was fat. i think part of that stems from not wanting others to be concerned, but idk? one day i want to just be 'skinny friend' and not "fat friend who lost a lot of weight"
[Other] important
/u/acrsita [Height 5'7| CW 47kg | BMI 16.5| Weight Lost ??| Gender ??]
Created: Mon Sep 24 14:29:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iljfe/important/
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you might not be new to suffering from an ED. you might've just stumbled across this subreddit when you were already neck deep into your illness, like i did. in that case, what i'm about to say probably won't help or apply to you.
but if you feel like this is a new obsession, if you feel like you could stop if you truly wanted to, please give this a moment of your time.
i had anorexia a few years ago, after years of insecurities and self-loathing that i didn't truly understand. it was simple then. i never purged, i only became moderately underweight. i don't believe it was as severe then, either. i wasn't as obsessive, i thought about other things. i didn't weigh myself, do bodychecks, and i wasn't truly 'into' it apart from the fact i starved myself every single day. i knew what i was doing, though, and i knew its name.
somehow, with no intervention at all, i lost the ED mindset entirely. i was then carefree about food for a long time. sure, i was still extremely insecure, i still looked for validation in dark places, but i didn't bother starving myself anymore.
honestly, i'd forgotten about my little ana phase.
but sometime early this year, i relapsed. i started purging after meals to begin with. it wasn't nice, but i remember it felt easy. all i wanted to do was drop a few pounds, then i'd be 'perfect'. at that time i had an idea of what was objectively perfect, and it wasn't underweight. i believed i'd stop there when i came to it, and i believed i could stop purging and restricting if i wanted to. honestly, i think i could've. but for some reason, i also believed the consequences didn't apply to me. my teeth wouldn't get messed up. i wouldn't become isolated. it wouldn't take over my life. binging and purging would never hurt me, i wouldn't have a heart attack, nobody would ever find out. and so i carried on.
i'm not sure when it turned into something inescapable, but it did. it has. there is no way i can get rid of this anymore, it is ingrained in my head and it is all i think about. it has ruined my life, and there is nothing to look forward to unless my thighs are two inches apart when i stand with my feet together. my UGW keeps getting lower. my binging keeps getting more fucking insane, my urge to starve forever is even more insane. i can't not have this, it's like a drug. it's like a knife that's going deeper and deeper into my chest, that hurts and makes me wish i was fucking dead, but is everything i love and everything that's keeping me alive and the motivation to leave the house in the morning. i don't want to be pretty anymore, i don't want to be wanted. i want to be the smallest, i want to be the sickest, i want my bones to be visible through clothes. i don't care if it kills me at this point, i want to die anyway.
thinspo is a lie. this disorder isn't a petite girl in skinny jeans you can see right through. it's being hunched over a toilet, forcing out anything you have left in your system for the fifth time that day, praying that nobody can hear you. it's walking around your room for hours until you have blisters on your feet, it's trying on everything in your wardrobe at four in the fucking morning because you can't go out tomorrow if you look FAT. it's your hands and feet going numb when you leave the house because you can't get warm no matter what you wear or do. it is the consequences we read about in the beginning, when we're unsure.
because yes, i am ill now. i can't digest food anymore, not really. today i threw up something undigested that i binged on two days ago. i have to make sure i purge everything i eat that isn't liquid, or it won't go anywhere. i am in constant agony because of this bullshit. and yes, i'm fucking skinnier. but i hate myself more than i ever have, and for what? for nothing.
i think it's too late for me. but if even 1% of you feels like you could stop this before it turns into the end of your life, please, for the love of god try. nobody fucking deserves this.
i'm sorry if this post is against the rules. i just wish i'd been here to read it before i let this illness become every fiber of my pathetic being.
just drank 8 shots of espresso after 48hrs of fasting
/u/DavidMitchellTurtle [5'8" | M/18 | CW 192.6lbs | UGW 115 | BMI 29.7 | Lost 70]
Created: Mon Sep 24 14:24:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ilhw0/just_drank_8_shots_of_espresso_after_48hrs_of/
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what's making my hands shake??? caffeine???? low blood sugar??? literally starving???? bipolar mania?? who fucking knows
if my family insists on a funeral, make sure it's closed casket cause bitch ain't at his ugw yet
[Rant/Rave] Pissed I am now best friend's thinspo
/u/insect_peece
Created: Mon Sep 24 14:23:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ilhsf/pissed_i_am_now_best_friends_thinspo/
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I have lost a significant amount of weight in the past year. I rarely ever talk openly to friends about weight, diet, or exercise. I consider those topics taboo and off-limits. I've learned conversations about these things can devolve very quickly and can be very triggering for me or others. So I've imposed a Fight Club-esque rule on myself. Never talk about your diet.
Anyway my closest friend has noticed my weight loss and now has taken up running and cutting out dairy and gluten. Like after years of... doing nothing/yo-yoing. Before my weight loss I was characterized as obese and I think she identified with that (she is also overweight) and she felt a sort of camaraderie with me.
Again, I oppose bringing up the topic of weight loss and diet but she is constantly prattling on about it. I give her no prompt. She'll tell me about how far she ran over the weekend. What she is having for lunch. How her treadmill broke. How dairy gives her stomach upset. How she is "allowing" herself gluten after she finishes her 5k. And now she's into eating squash for lunch, which is something I do all the time because it's low-cal and filling and I know she's silently observed me and taking inspiration from what I eat.
It wouldn't be so bad if she didn't bring it up all the time. I honestly think she keeps trying to bring it up to get me to spill the beans. She wants more tips and tricks. She doesn't like how I am the one that is getting the attention, that is presenting with weight loss. I know it and it's creating a tension and I just want her to stop. I want her to diet and exercise and do her thing, but I don't want a fucking up-to-minute weather report about it. It's triggering af for me. I want to get to a place where she can't catch up, and when she realizes this I want her to shut the fuck up.
This is a rant and I have no desire for advice, just wanting to get this off my chest. I do love my friend, but the more I diet, the more the volume on her obsessive going on about dieting and exercise goes up. I don't want there to be any correlation between my personal struggle and her self-esteem.
​
Keep in mind.
/u/catsalways
Created: Mon Sep 24 14:20:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ilgv6/keep_in_mind/
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https://i.imgur.com/WQLOxuw.jpg
[Other] My dad said I was melting away!
/u/BladderPatrol
Created: Mon Sep 24 14:14:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ilewp/my_dad_said_i_was_melting_away/
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He never comments on my weight and I don’t see him very often so that was a really nice boost!
[Help] QUEST BARS ARE DISGUSTING! And a question about caffeine
/u/heyitsme-n
Created: Mon Sep 24 14:02:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ilayn/quest_bars_are_disgusting_and_a_question_about/
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YES i bought a quest bar today, chocolate chip cookie dough and eww, they taste like ass.
Now the question, how much caffeine do you guys consume in a day and does it have any negative effects on you? I tried to quit caffeine and i get insane hunger without it so now im back on lol. Im also addicted to white monster and coke zero lemon
Historically laughing alone on my scale.
/u/SkinnyisSexy [5'7 |125lb|19.6|-23lb|F GW115]
Created: Mon Sep 24 13:56:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9il9cb/historically_laughing_alone_on_my_scale/
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I've been bouncing between 123 and 125 the past few weeks. Today I was 124 after eating under 600 the past 3 days, of course this leads to a huge binge. I had chips, carbs, salsa, soup, pb2 mixed with coffee... then purge. After my b/p I weighed 123. I BUSTED UP laughing. Wtf body how did you lose a lb. I didn't use the bathroom in between other than to vomit so.... bodies are weird.
[Rant/Rave] Why do people always want to eat out?
/u/hollyy___ [5’08” | CW: 134lbs | BMI: 20.37 | WL: 21lbs | GW: 117lbs | 17F]
Created: Mon Sep 24 13:53:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9il86a/why_do_people_always_want_to_eat_out/
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I love my friends to death and this post might come across as bitchy so I want to make it clear that I understand that this is my problem not theirs and I’m not trying to hate on them but oh my god I feel like every time I make plans with people they only ever want to go out to dinner or something. I really hate eating out because it’s expensive and usually super high calorie. To be fair I’m one of those people who eats junk food in very small amounts instead of just eating a higher amount of low calorie food so I’m not afraid of a little grease (ok I’m slightly afraid of a little grease), but I think what sucks about it is that it’s high calorie and it’s not even on your terms. Like I’m only eating out because they are, if I didn’t have plans with people I would not be eating out that night. If I’m going to ruin my calorie count for the day I want it to at least be slightly by choice lol.
Another great thing about eating out is all the triggering commentary on eating habits that no one asked for. One of my friends (he doesn’t know I have any kind of issue or that this was my first and only food of the day) kept saying things like “where do you put all that?”, “I can’t believe you ate it all you seem like the kind of person that would leave tons of food” and “I wish I had your metabolism if I ate that I’d gain so much weight.” Gee thanks! Guess it’s time to fast for 300 years.
[Rant/Rave] Psychological constipation? (TMI)
/u/Hielier [21F | 175,5cm| CW: Fat | UGW: 49kg ]
Created: Mon Sep 24 13:42:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9il4tg/psychological_constipation_tmi/
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So I've been developing anxiety towards bathrooms ever since I started living in a shared flat. I have become more conscious about cleaning and it's giving me a lot of problems with pooping, basically. I can't poop in the flat because my flatmates are pretty dirty (well, the average at their age but it annoys me anyway) and I can't poop at my parent's house because it is also a freaking mess (which I realised when I moved out). I can't poop at uni either because the toilets are disgusting.
​
Summary: I CAN'T POOP ANYWHERE AND I HAVE A HUGE BELLY AND LAXATIVES DON'T WORK BECAUSE IT'S PSYCHOLOGICAL AND I'M FREAKING SCARED AND ANGRY BECAUSE MY TUMMY KEEPS GROWING AND MY ED BRAIN THINKS THAT THE ACCUMULATED POOP IS GOING TO BECOME FAT TISSUE.
​
Jeez my ED just makes me develop the weirdest obsessions.
[Other] New job... thinking about one thing only
/u/moonchldx [5'1'' | 114.4 | 21.7 | -11lbs | F | ]
Created: Mon Sep 24 13:32:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9il1jk/new_job_thinking_about_one_thing_only/
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Started a new job today and had to be in a classroom for the 8 hours or what not and the only thing I could think of was....
IM FREEZING!!!
I’m wearing a long sleeve shirt (super thin though) and yet I’m still so cold.
At our lunch break, I sat out in the sun too afraid to go back inside to the freezing room...
All I want is to go home & still make money okay?!
End of whatever this was...
Have an amazing day everyone !
xx
friends
/u/impracticalmickey [5'8 | 138 | 20.9 | -52]
Created: Mon Sep 24 13:28:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9il075/friends/
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so I know another person who doesn't eat a lot (because they "forget" or are too sad to). my friends get really worried about this person and force them to get something to eat every day cause we always eat together once a day. im going to start fasting and shit cause I feel like crap and I really just don't want to eat, like at all. how do I keep them from making me eat, cause I love them and I know they care a lot but I don't want that right now. I just want to be allowed to not eat if I don't feel like it.
[Help] Have yall tried the new(ish) diet coke flavors?
/u/isthischick4real
Created: Mon Sep 24 13:27:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ikzqv/have_yall_tried_the_newish_diet_coke_flavors/
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I think its ginger lime, blood orange, twisted mango, and fiesty cherry. They only sell them in 4 packs near me so I don't want to buy all of them.
"I see from your post/comment history that you have an ED so..."
/u/Ronskyroo
Created: Mon Sep 24 13:23:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ikyol/i_see_from_your_postcomment_history_that_you_have/
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Fuck you.
**That doesn't invalidate my opinion**. It's derailing the conversation and has a false veneer of condescending 'concern' that's just an attempt to dismiss me. It's also shamey as hell.
I would understand if I was out there trying to promote ED habits, but I'm not, so stop creeping on my profile and leave my ED the fuck out of this.
/rant.
____
Thanks for reading this, I'm so over it
Sad awful moment with my baby girl
/u/button_eyed_coraline [5'4" | 157 | 26.9 | -83 | Female]
Created: Mon Sep 24 13:18:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ikx7y/sad_awful_moment_with_my_baby_girl/
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Last night, I was rocking my baby to sleep and she started playing with my collar bone next to her head on my chest. My bones start showing at a higher weight than some, and I’ve had to start putting a blanket on my chest for her to rest on because she isn’t comfortable without it anymore. But my bone was sticking out above the blanket and she started fiddling with it as she fell asleep. The first thing that came to mind was “wow my baby is doing my body checks for me.” And then I was so overwhelmingly disgusted at the thought, I wanted to crawl out of my skin and merge with the clouds. Hahaha I wanna die :) :) :)
[Goal] I think imma revise my UGW
/u/coffee_and_vape [5'2'' | CW: 134 :c | GW: 111| -77.2 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 24 13:15:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ikw65/i_think_imma_revise_my_ugw/
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Because the gamer in me wants my TDEE to be 1337 XD
[Thanks TDEE calculator](https://imgur.com/a/GWAXvcI)
[Help] Best BMI calculator?
/u/CrushedOats
Created: Mon Sep 24 13:14:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ikvys/best_bmi_calculator/
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Hey so uh I’m 5’5, 17 and female and 114.8 pounds, my app I use to track my weight (Nokia health mate) says that I have a BMI of 19.7 while if I use a BMI calculator it gives me a BMI of 19.1. I’ve also used calculators online that give me a bmi of 18.1 and I don’t know which one to trust. What calculator do you guys use to find BMI? It’s such a struggle ugh
[Help] How soon do calories get absorbed?
/u/lunaaathemoona
Created: Mon Sep 24 13:14:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ikvyf/how_soon_do_calories_get_absorbed/
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And how do you know if you got everything up when you purge?
I’m paranoid that I’m getting the calories from what I intake.
[Discussion] Kinda have ED, kinda not?
/u/perfectlyhereandnow
Created: Mon Sep 24 13:08:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iktuh/kinda_have_ed_kinda_not/
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Is anyone is in the weird space where you’re kinda disordered, kinda not, kinda recovered, kinda not? I had full blown disorder for many years, but then many more years going back and forth trying to recover / giving up in-between...
It’s like I have an ED, but not in a way that it affects my life anymore. I have a lot more ED thoughts than I actually act on nowadays. My first reaction to upsetting things is to decide to not eat for a day or 5 day, but I don’t actually do it. I am not obsessive about counting calories, and I don’t feel any foods are unsafe. I’m very flexible, can eat with family or friends anytime anywhere, anything. I’ve learned to cook “normal” meals, even just for myself, and enjoy it! But I also still do eat EDfood meals sometimes too. I’m still totally calorie AWARE and can guess and tally up in my head, and I don’t feel anything wrong with eating as little as I can easily get away with. My version of “intuitive eating” truly feels like it leads me to skip meals in a normal, healthy way sometimes. My GW is technically underweight, and I like how I look best like that. But where I live in Asia I’m basically normal size at this weight anyway. I am on and off the scale all day long, but I also consciously no longer let myself berate myself for being fat, deny myself nice things, or avoid doing things just because of my weight.
So many of my eating behaviors I’m not even sure if they’re disordered or not, what with all the IF/OMAD, CICO, 1200isplenty type stuff I read nowadays. Actually I feel like my mindset around food is even healthier than a lot of people...I just also have days where I eat way too little, or binges I eat objectively weirdly much. Some days I feel so normal and even recovered, some days (like today, I’m awake in the middle of the night can’t sleep because I’m hungry) I’m not so sure. Except for when I binge, it feels like I’m living a (very oxymoronic) normal, healthy, effortless, non-disruptive/high-functioning ED.
A lot of the things I read on this sub, I catch myself thinking, that’s so sad and disordered, BUT I totally get it, and wait, some of the things I do aren’t much better?? Sorry for the long ramble. I guess it doesn’t even really matter. Just wondering if there’s others out there like me... and de-lurking myself finally to get this off my chest.
Modeling
/u/BlackModelTruthWoke
Created: Mon Sep 24 12:56:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ikq5r/modeling/
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I am 5'10" at 135 pounds, 10% body fat
At the beginning of the year I was 200 pounds at 5'9"
Since losing the weight I was approached by a modeling agency and now I don't know at what point should I stop losing the weight
The current deficit is 500 calories daily which equates to a pound per week. I am at a BMI of 19.5 and I am not sure how far should I go for the optimal leanness. My goal is 130 pounds which puts me at a BMI of 19, 0.5 above the underweight category
I want to get as skinny as possible before lean bulking as to maximize my potential future benefits
I understand that this can be somewhat an obsession given being obese in the past
I'm tired, exhausted. Is 130 pounds a good place to stop? The goal then is to eat at a maintenance at some time (a month?) to "re-comp" before the lean bulk (125 daily surplus)
More stats:
Male, 24, 29" waist
I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO LIVE
/u/throwawaybaby401
Created: Mon Sep 24 12:47:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ikn83/im_not_good_enough_to_live/
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I'm utterly fucking useless. I look silly. I can't write. Everybody walks all over me. Time for me to mercilessly stab my self with scissors. :)
need some support :(
/u/problemproblem420 [5'6'' | 119 | 19.2 | 19F]
Created: Mon Sep 24 12:34:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ikj3j/need_some_support/
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hi guys i've been feeling like death lately due to low restriction and forced myself to eat 900 cals today
im already spiraling into regret and guilt and not even feeling the energy from the food so it doesn't even feel worth it :( sorry for the attention-seeking post but it would help so much to hear that other people are struggling with the same thing or have before.
I didn't realize that if you just STOP eating and have like 200mg of caffeine that you feel both awesome and like your body is a San Francisco earthquake
/u/violentyetflammable [5'6" | CW: 175 | UGW: 95 | F22]
Created: Mon Sep 24 12:17:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ikdu5/i_didnt_realize_that_if_you_just_stop_eating_and/
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but I'm waiting on a date to arrive that I'm super excited about so I just hope I feel high and not like I'm dying lol
[Help] When do you know you’re going to pass out?
/u/sunnyrai99
Created: Mon Sep 24 11:46:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ik40b/when_do_you_know_youre_going_to_pass_out/
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Feeling lightheaded at work, don’t want to worry everyone but really don’t want to eat for another hour and a half. I still have to make the 30 min walk home then though so idk..
This thread. Right here. My sentiments exactly.
/u/Flesh-And-Bone [Too Short | Too Fat | Too Old | Duderino]
Created: Mon Sep 24 11:40:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ik22t/this_thread_right_here_my_sentiments_exactly/
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https://np.reddit.com/r/1200isfineIGUESSugh/comments/9e2297/sick_of_1200isplenty_people/
[Rant/Rave] My GI disorder is masking all my eating behaviors.
/u/InBetweenTheLies [5'8.5 | 125.8 | 18.6 | -11]
Created: Mon Sep 24 11:34:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ik09v/my_gi_disorder_is_masking_all_my_eating_behaviors/
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I have a GI problem that honestly is going to cover me for any weightloss I have ever. While it's a horrible horrible disease, it has destroyed my ability to digest entire types of food, causes me to feel full for a very long time after eating, and generally just gives a great excuse for why I can never take people up on food offers (everyone at work knows I'm on an extremely restricted diet). Developing it is really when I started doing weird things with food, and then I started feeling more in control and I got to liking that control.
At the same time it's got a doctor perma-breathing down my neck about my nutrients because horrific nutrient deficiencies and Ensure and NG tubes are pretty par for the course if you keep getting worse. And I'm getting worse.
In a lot of weird ways I don't see my eating behavior as being a set of decisions that I make. Instead they're kind of a failure to fight the way this disorder is destroying me. Like I could buckle down and drink a ton of Ensure and figure out how to boost my calories and get more substance in me. But....I hate myself. So instead I'll let my body do this to me. I don't try to feed it when it doesn't want to be fed. I don't drink very much Ensure. And in a few weeks I'll show up to the nutrition appointment and be like "welp".
[Rant/Rave] My ex said I was “wasting away” and it’s motivating the hell out of me
/u/orthoreXXX [23F | 5’4” | cw 112 | gw 105 | bmi 19.6]
Created: Mon Sep 24 11:22:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ijwh4/my_ex_said_i_was_wasting_away_and_its_motivating/
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I saw my ex fiancé to pick up the rest of my belongings from his place, and when he gave me a hug, he said “Your waist isn’t even there anymore. It’s like you’re wasting away” then he mentioned that he didn’t think I should lose any more weight.
Idk why but that comment literally made me feel high and even more motivated to restrict now 😍
[Discussion] Is it possible to reach a low bmi or low weight (80-110 lbs) by eating 1200 calories a day? Has anyone here done that?
/u/chrysanthemym [🌻 she/her | cw: 134 | gw: 115 | vegan 🌻]
Created: Mon Sep 24 11:06:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ijqwz/is_it_possible_to_reach_a_low_bmi_or_low_weight/
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I’m struggling on 600 calories a day as a student in university. Even though my ED brain is freaking out over eating over 800 calories I’m thinking I may have to in order to function in class.
So I’m here to ask, has anyone reached their low weight or goal weight/bmi by high restriction? Did you exercise?
Because... most people can’t gain on 1200 right? So wouldn’t you technically lose weight if you eat that?
[Discussion] Can you reach a low weight 80-110 lbs by eating 1200 calories?
/u/chrysanthemym [🌻 she/her | cw: 134 | gw: 115 | vegan 🌻]
Created: Mon Sep 24 11:00:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ijotq/can_you_reach_a_low_weight_80110_lbs_by_eating/
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[Help] Therapy question- I need help
/u/iwannaliveinhogwarts
Created: Mon Sep 24 10:56:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ijnpb/therapy_question_i_need_help/
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Hey :)
I never posted something here, only lurked, but the support culture is really great, and I have a question, so thank you so much in advance!
I‘m going to therapy for the first time this Friday, because Im not able to concentrate/function/be happy/lead a normal life anymore, because of stress, probably depression, and anorexia. First I thought I wouldn’t want to tell her about the ed-part, now I think I changed my mind, because if I’m very honest it’s crippling me. (I’m 20 btw, if that’s important)
But I don‘t know how to tell her, I’m so afraid she won’t take it seriously, or that she’ll take it too serious... although I’m at a BMI of 15.5, I don’t really look like it, and I just feel bad often ...I’m not even sure if I want to recover, i definitely don’t want to gain any weight, I just want to get rid of the thoughts that are dragging me down. I never told anybody about this, so this is totally new...I feel like totally fake, and definitely not ill enough, but I as said I cannot function properly anymore
One part of me (a very disordered part) doesn’t want to tell her, just to see if she’ll be able to detect it without telling- it would mean that it „is bad enough“... this thought is reallly triggering :(
Should I talk to her about it? And if so, how should I approach the subject? I also am afraid that by mentioning the ed-issues, the depression issues (which I guess are causing to some part my ed) will be overlooked...
Sorry for this chaotic post, I feel so panicked and overwhelmed right now :/
Thank you so much, and all the best :)
[Rant/Rave] I found a one time trick!
/u/queenofbo0ks [5'6 | CW:148.5lbs | GW: 129lbs | UGW: 112lbs | 20F]
Created: Mon Sep 24 10:53:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ijmmg/i_found_a_one_time_trick/
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So tonight I was going to make some Vegan Shoarma for my fiancé and I. He would take it with him to DnD.
I already figured that I wouldn't eat it with the bread to lessen my calorie intake, but then his best friend called him to ask what he was going to eat for dinner.
My fiancé told him that I made him some Shoarma and then I got the genius idea to make some for his friend too! His friend agreed as the meal had enough proteins for his liking and I made an extra portion.
This left very little for me to eat and my fiancé felt very guilty that I did that (he didn't see beforehand how much I had left, only when I had already made the second meal). I told him he shouldn't feel guilty because I made this choice myself and that I would have some soup as a sidedish (I probably won't).
Another day, another way to eat less :)
Still looking for the perfect way to stop feeling hungry though...
[Discussion] It’s the boredom
/u/cntrxpy
Created: Mon Sep 24 10:53:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ijmg6/its_the_boredom/
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I can fast, as long as I’m busy. When I’m at work I’m fine. When in class or working on papers I’m fine. But I find myself semi-panicking with down time, because all I can think about is what I’m gonna do instead of eat. I usually won’t even be hungry, I just have nothing better to do than go hang out in the dining hall or something. And once I have the thought that I COULD eat, nothing will hold my interest except for food. It’s like I’m addicted. How do I break this?
[Rant/Rave] I’m going to lose this 10lbs starting today
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 95 | 17 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Mon Sep 24 10:50:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ijlif/im_going_to_lose_this_10lbs_starting_today/
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I’m tired of getting on the scale and seeing these little increases despite eating at a small deficit and working out - I can’t handle it. Today is day 365 since I started counting calories - I lost 70lbs in 7 months and managed to slowly continue creeping down until this month. Everyone was saying I needed to gain so I started eating more. Still not above maintenance - and I’ve already put on 8lbs in just a few weeks. This ends today. Today is the first day of going back to my previous restriction and rules. No more fear foods. No more calories than 800/day. I will not eat any of the food from my new job no matter how tempted or tired I am. I can do this.
[Discussion] $0.99 shop zone
/u/gratchc
Created: Mon Sep 24 10:41:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ijij3/099_shop_zone/
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https://lenkmio.com/g/2316b8f8567b81b5eb2d22af2ed61b/
Has anyone here had an ineffective laser hair removal because of very low weight/ hormonal fluctuations due to not eating?
/u/zikjerstikjeris
Created: Mon Sep 24 10:22:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ijcvc/has_anyone_here_had_an_ineffective_laser_hair/
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Ok, throwaway bcus this me talking my gross body.
I've wanted to do laser all my fucking life because I have alien bodyhair that I can't get rid of without bad rashes/ingrowns with any other method (no suggestions needed, I've tried it all lmao)
But, alas! I've read that even after laser hair can sometimes grow back due to hormonal fluctuations. I'm worried that I might go down to crazy low weights (which, as we all know, messes w lady hormones) after I've done laser and fuck the results up. Can anyone share their experience?
On a side note, do they even allow you to undergo treatment if you're seriously underweight? (say, bmi of 15-16)
[Other] I'm leaving.
/u/geisteslos
Created: Mon Sep 24 10:21:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ijcd8/im_leaving/
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I've never been super active here, and I've been posting a bit lately.
I've been recovering, or I've been trying to.
And someone made me realize that there is one last step to take to actually do so.
And that is leaving.
God, I sound dramatic. I've truly felt supported here, in a weird way. Seeing other people struggle with the same shit as I do.
But I have to let go of these struggles. All of you are beautiful people. Take care of yourself. I'm doing what I have to do to take care of myself now.
goodbye. I truly wish each and every one of you the absolute best. 🧡
I just bought $90 worth of sushi
/u/Risperdoll
Created: Mon Sep 24 10:15:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ijaom/i_just_bought_90_worth_of_sushi/
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I've been on a 5 day fast and today I ate some fruit. My fucking brain took that as a sign to EAT EVERYTHING NOW. So now I have a sushi platter for 3 coming to my door in like 15 minutes. I hope I die.
[Rant/Rave] a boring rant against my BED &a helpful tip (in recovery)
/u/hayleystark [5'4"|NB]
Created: Mon Sep 24 10:13:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ij9vb/a_boring_rant_against_my_bed_a_helpful_tip_in/
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first of all, fuck BED. last night i bought 2 meals from my fave fast food binge place, and chewed and spit them. i felt terrible. my gf will be so upset if she finds out. then i bought a medium pizza which i dont remember doing, but i did!!! chewed and spit that too. its been years since i've done that. i feel horrible. at least i have therapy today.
​
also -- i downloaded an app called Tip Jar, which allows you to put money from you bank into this "tip jar" and every time i dont binge i give myself $5. it helps me save money that i then take out to pay off my credit cards. idk how helpful it will be to you.
​
sorry for the boring word vomit. this community helps a lot. thank yall
[Rant/Rave] When you’ve been restricting all day and your parents get takeaway 🙃
/u/ghostsportclub
Created: Mon Sep 24 10:12:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ij9di/when_youve_been_restricting_all_day_and_your/
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Lmao it’s my favourite takeaway as as celebration of starting uni and there’s nothing else in the house. No way I can get out of it but it’ll have been the only thing I ate today ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ fuk
Right, this is such a triggering thread! Please tell me I’m not alone
/u/Lotillieeeeey
Created: Mon Sep 24 10:09:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ij8j6/right_this_is_such_a_triggering_thread_please/
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https://reddit.app.link/LXEAoJyBtQ
[Help] Some EC stack questions
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 105-107 | UGW: 94 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 24 10:09:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ij8ik/some_ec_stack_questions/
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I’ve been EC stacking for a while but I’m not sure I’m doing it right so I have a few questions for you all...
1. How immediately do you have to consume caffeine after taking the ephedrine for it to work? Usually I drink it with a cup of coffee but it can take me up to an hour to finish my coffee.
2. How many times a day do you take it?
3. Are you supposed to take breaks from extended use?
4. Does bronkaid/primatine expire?
Thanks for any help you have. You guys are always the best.
Why can't I ever find what I need ?
/u/Arkhamgel [Height | 173| 27.7 | +22 | Male]
Created: Mon Sep 24 10:05:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ij7em/why_cant_i_ever_find_what_i_need/
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https://i.redd.it/48vshxwpm7o11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] my ed will kill me and nobody will notice
/u/pdxfonix [5'4" | CW: 97.5 lbs | GW: 90 | 20 NB]
Created: Mon Sep 24 09:56:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ij4i6/my_ed_will_kill_me_and_nobody_will_notice/
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ive been struggling with my ED for a year and a half now. when i started i had a lot of access to help and support, but of course i refused it. i was 162 lbs and i hated myself. but as many of you know, starving can make you mean. i became somebody who i never thought i would or could be. as a result ive lost everyone in my life who was close to me. i dont have any good friends anymore, i live alone, i have nothing to stop me from starving into oblivion. i cant make myself eat, even when i want to. its not worth it. im now 97 lbs. im always freezing cold, my eyes cant focus very well, all of my muscles ache. its painful to realize that you are completely alone. that nobody cares that you're dying.
sorry for the edgy post
[Discussion] dae inhale the smell of good food when it's around like a maniac
/u/band-aide [5'5.5 | CW: 126 | BMI: 21 | F/19]
Created: Mon Sep 24 09:52:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ij3cd/dae_inhale_the_smell_of_good_food_when_its_around/
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every day before my first class this girl sits near me and legit eats the most delicious smelling mac and cheese ever. every day. i'm so jealous but hellooo ed i can't let myself enjoy anything. i'm so in awe of how she can enjoy that mac and cheese like every day. i'm like yes please eat it near me because i just fucking love the smell of good food like yesss enjoy it i am living vicariously through it. i keep watching her out of the corner of my eye because it smells so fucking good and looks so creamy. i bet it tastes so fucking good. damn. i would love me some mac and cheese.
does anyone else mentally go crazy when someone eats good food near you? like mac and cheese is one of my favorite things and i just. HNNNG i want it. but i can't have it. ): i also am so jealous she can just like enjoy food at any time during the day? i make myself wait until i get home from class which is like 5:30 fucking pm and i have to eat my food alone in my room on the floor with the fucking lights off while i watch a youtube video. like imagine not being disordered af and being normal wtf. what a concept. anyways i'm so sad she's like finishing up the mac now and i can barely smell it. i just needed to say this even though its weird af.
My SO confessed he loves collarbones
/u/R0b0t_Skelet0n
Created: Mon Sep 24 09:47:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ij1tn/my_so_confessed_he_loves_collarbones/
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I've always been chinny, but I'm finally on the upper end of the healthy BMI, and my collarbones are super visible! My S/O, myself, and a bunch of his friends were out to brunch and they got talking about butt or boobs, and my SO confessed he's always been a collarbone guy. I'm so so so happy mine are visible finally, and talk about motivation!!
[Help] Does anyone find doing exercise makes them more hungry/eat more???
/u/narkreturn
Created: Mon Sep 24 09:46:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ij184/does_anyone_find_doing_exercise_makes_them_more/
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[Help] Gym advice?
/u/Yoni1660
Created: Mon Sep 24 09:18:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iist9/gym_advice/
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I’m planning on going to the gym tomorrow and I’ve never worked out in public before. Should I stick with a treadmill? Idk you guys
[Rant/Rave] me @ me: staring at the fasting counter isn't going to make it go faster
/u/Awassya
Created: Mon Sep 24 09:06:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iip6n/me_me_staring_at_the_fasting_counter_isnt_going/
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As soon as I hit the 24h mark I start checking and re-checking it every few minutes, and it's the equivalent of staring at your coffee pot hoping it will boil faster. :/
My therapist had my husband throw my scale away and I cried
/u/Monkeymoosillygoose
Created: Mon Sep 24 09:06:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iiow6/my_therapist_had_my_husband_throw_my_scale_away/
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So I’ve been in therapy for a couple years off and on since the birth of my daughter 3 years ago. I have also had my ED since she was born. Now I’m seeing an ocd/ED therapist and I LOVE her. I see her twice a week, Friday’s session was the hardest one yet. She had me write down a list of reasons to live. Then she watched me as she told me to text my Hubby to throw my scale away. She wants me to cover all the mirrors in my house( damn near impossible cause all my closest are mirrors and I have one in the entry way) and in each bedroom. We’re trying to find what triggers me to purge but I think it’s a combination of things like my toddler and husband. As well other stuff I’m just not aware of. Anyway when she saw me send the text I started bawling. Like the stupidest thing to cry over but it’s the unknown that kills me. I used to be well over 300 pounds and now I’m considering underweight and I’d rather die then get that big again, she doesn’t want me to get that big but it’s a slippery slop when the therapist said to just eat and not count calories. Ugh not sure where I’m going with this but thanks for listening
[Rant/Rave] I hate it when I slip about my ED
/u/Yoni1660
Created: Mon Sep 24 09:00:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iin35/i_hate_it_when_i_slip_about_my_ed/
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I hate talking about food with people because I always say something that might sound suspicious. Then I get really paranoid whenever I eat around or talk to them.
[Rant/Rave] I just turned down hot Cheetos
/u/eughfuckthat
Created: Mon Sep 24 08:52:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iikn9/i_just_turned_down_hot_cheetos/
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HOT FUCKING CHEETOS MAN I love hot Cheetos they’re my favorite junk food and my fat ass is so sad because I miss them but i got this!!
[Other] Didn’t buy laxatives
/u/twa1238 [F25| 158cm | CW 🐄 |]
Created: Mon Sep 24 08:51:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iiken/didnt_buy_laxatives/
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Sorry, second post today but I feel so miserable today and I really need someone to put this all in perspective maybe.
I haven’t taken any lax for almost a week which I know is nothing but it feels like a lot to me. I broke my plateau today by ~gaining~ 200 gram (almost half a pound) even though I low restricted so good last week. But I ate a lot yesterday (overall 1300 calories). I tried to tell myself that’s it okay and I’m still in a deficit but I‘m not constipated anymore and the food must be out already so I don’t feel like it’s water weight but like maybe my tdee dramatically changed or something? I lost like a kilo every week before while restricting less heavy, so I don’t get it.
Today I had to walk trough some stores for work and I only saw super pretty skinny people, couples where both of them looked so hot and stylish and I felt like the ugliest person alive. I saw a girl wearing the same jeans as me and she looked so good in them while I looked like a whale with legs. Maybe a really fat mermaid. With thin hair that keeps falling out.
I went to a grocery store and wanted to buy so many things to binge on, Ice cream and cake and donuts and there was strawberry Fanta and I started crying like an absolute freak in a supermarket aisle because in my head there was this voice telling me “yeah go ahead buy it you fat piece of shit you’ll never look good anyway just kill yourself already” over and over and over again but hey at least I didn’t buy anything beside monster zero.
In one aisle they sell the laxatives I love the most and I really wanted to get them but I didn’t which is huge for me but I only didn’t because I told myself that I know it’s not going to change how I look and that’s I’m not allowed to feel good on the scale, not even temporarily, I have to live with my fat and ugly and gross body because I made it look like that myself. So I didn’t buy them and I’ve been home for an hour now and can’t stop thinking about going out and buying them again but also I don’t deserve it.
So it would be nice if someone maybe could show me a different perspective or tell me I’ll reach my gw one day or something like that? Because I don’t feel anything beside hate towards myself right now and I can’t take it, honestly.
DAE tell people with normal food relationships about your ED?
/u/onepostforme
Created: Mon Sep 24 08:46:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iiirk/dae_tell_people_with_normal_food_relationships/
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Okay, I was gone for a minute but I'm back now.
Anyway, who else talks to normal people about their ED? I was diagnosed anorexic a few years back but it's probably nosed/ednos/whatevernewphrase because I've had binging issues way before the heavy restricting and forgetting to eat.
I'm an upfront person, I do well at holding my tung when it comes to criticism that is unasked for, but I'll tell you the brutal truth 9/10 or more if you ask. I'm also that person who calls them self a week person while lighting up a cigarette. Basically I'm pretty aware and pretty honest even when that honesty is harsh about myself. This works out because people are for some reason attracted to this mess and I find the more real I am the more people think I'm interesting, I've had a few guys fall for this whole mysterious bitchy straight talking rebel girl thing.
My bf/soon fiance knows about my Ed and even helps me with it if I ask. He knows I won't be right mentally if he tries to force me in one direction or another and that I'm that person who takes everything to eleven. I can't just loose weight slowly, I can't just eat one calorie heavy thing or not know the calories, I can't smoke one cigarette, it's buy alcohol every night or get that shit out of the house, it's clean or stay glued to a chair all day, it's get 10,000 steps and lift my dumb bells or it's 873steps and a depressed day. He knows and he has learned and after about eight years give or take he still loves me, infact much more than he loved me at the beginning when these weren't such intense problems.
My female friend who has know me for ten years of on and off friendship knows I have an ED but she doesn't say much when I tell her about it. Her face reads uncomfortable, but the most she will say is "yeah that's probably not a good thing" which lands me in a rant about how I know it's fucked up and that's why I like it or that I know it's fucked up and I hate it. Our conversations are usually us complaining about anything and everything or talking about our pets, so it works for us.
And I have a guy friend who I have known for half my life now (11 years and I'm 21) and to this day I can call him at two am and drunk cry about bull shit and he is amazing. I just wish he understood my ED. If I tell him I'm intermittent fasting, working out fasted, only had 12calories, jealous of his food on Snapchat, he just tells me something along the lines of I'm unhealthy and I should eat. Thanks bro but you're not the one I'll be taking food tips from, no offense meant. I forget what I said one time but he was very adamant about how I was being unhealthy and I went into a complete rant about how I know that and it's not like I can eat normal and that I've had food issues since before he knew me and that it's not as simple as wanting to be healthy, my brain makes it impossible to forget the number of calories in most foods and a lot of stuff that would worry normal people, infact things that might worry some of you even, and we haven't talked about food or anything of that sort since.
And then there is my family. I am strangely open. I think it's because I know them and they aren't the type to force me or have an intervention, and the mini interventions are always easy to deal with. I'm not going to lie, I like the way they study me, I like it when they ask if I've eaten, and when I tell my dad I won't be eating what he's cooking for dinner, and all that sick twisted jazz. Anyway I'll tell my mom I've eaten too much food and I feel uncomfortable and have no appetite and just repeat that for days after a binge because it's how I feel. I've told them before that I had major issues with binging and they always get uncomfortable because they binge but don't like to think that it's an unhealthy way to treat food. My sister recently said she didn't think I was ever that big and I told her I used to weigh three pounds less than my mom, I just carried it as an hourglass not as an apple. My aunt and grandmother complimented my leg muscles and I told them that my butt is all fat and I hate that it's not firm. My aunt loves to tell me that I look thinner and I love to tell her the truth, weather I've maintained, lost, gained, because she likes to live through me vicariously and it's hard not to be straight with those people, the ones who think you're young and pretty and have a man so you have it all and even if you have some major health issues you're young and you're pretty and have a man so you have it all and rinse and repeat with anything bad in my life because my family thinks I just have it all.
Anyway, rant aside, who here is like me and tells normal people their fucked up shit? Even if it's not ED stuff, am I the only one who completely dumps the reality of my life on people? I don't even think it's about venting I think it's just because I hate people who talk about nothing and I have relatively nothing to lose. Also I notice that even when I make people feel uncomfortable being real makes them stick around. When I would put limits on what I would say I was trying to please people and not being my truest self, but when I'm completely, sometimes horrifically, straight with people it seems like they like the authenticity that is lacking in most people. Like even if they don't like what I'm saying people tend to just be interested in the fact that I'd even say such things or talk about myself so negatively and openly.
Idk.
Got called tiny at work
/u/olegreatthrowaway
Created: Mon Sep 24 08:43:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iiht0/got_called_tiny_at_work/
---
I’m usually more of a lurker but I’ve gained 15ish points since coming back to the USA and I hate it, I keep trying to restrict but I’m a poor student and a bartender where I get free food.
It was 11 am and we just opened. This lady that comes in every once and a while came to eat lunch. Since she was the only person I was just chatting with her. She asked what appetizers were good and my fat ass said the fried Mac and Cheese bites and that I eat them in the back all the time.
She just looked at me and said: “well you can you are the size of one of my legs”
THIS LADY IS NOT BIG BY ANY MEANS
I’m really thankful to her now I’m motivated to start restricting again
That feeling of gratitude when my safe food still tastes good to me...
/u/i_love_junk_food [5'1" | HW 72kg | CW 60.9kg | LW 51kg | GW1 55kg | GW2 48kg | F]
Created: Mon Sep 24 08:42:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iihqm/that_feeling_of_gratitude_when_my_safe_food_still/
---
I dread the day when my 100kcal PSL no longer satisfies me. I don't restrict by a high margin but breaking my 15 hours with this overpriced milkshake is one of the few things that make me happy.
I have a fear that if I get fed up of a safe food then I will start binging uncontrollably again.
Water weight questions
/u/lilmdjd [5’3 | CW: 130 | BMI: 23 | LW: 94| - 17| 23F ]
Created: Mon Sep 24 08:37:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iig0f/water_weight_questions/
---
So I have a few water weight questions, and I know this is a super common topic around here so I thought I’d throw them out.
1. What’s the most water weight you’ve gained? What do you think is normal amount to gain after trying to eat “maintenance” from restriction?
2. do you count your “real” weight as the weight with water weight or without? When I’m eating carbs, I gain about 5 lbs of water weight. Is that my “real” weight?
3. This is super specific, but does inflammation/muscle soreness/joint swelling increase water weight?
Feel free to throw on any other questions, maybe someone else will have an answer.
[Other] You might have an eating disorder if...
/u/Wigforfire [5'2 | 100.3 | 18.89 | 30lbs | Female]
Created: Mon Sep 24 08:06:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ii76l/you_might_have_an_eating_disorder_if/
---
...it took you a half hour to pick what type of zero calorie sweetener you wanted to buy from the grocery store, and then almost didn't buy any at all, but then bit the bullet and bought stevia because it's easier to justify to people as a healthy option.
[Rant/Rave] In 4 minutes I'm calling to get help and I'm terrified
/u/metaphoric_mayhem [5'6" | cw: 115 | 18.64 | gw: 105 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 24 07:58:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ii4rk/in_4_minutes_im_calling_to_get_help_and_im/
---
I'm so sick of feeling out of control. Either I'm restricting or I'm binging until im in pain every single night. I'm so sick of this controlling my life. I can call to set up an appointment when they open in 4 minutes...but I'm terrified. I wish getting help wasnt so stigmatized
[Rant/Rave] Going home to body judgement
/u/manatrabanter [5’5 | CW: 111 | GW: 120 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 24 07:58:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ii4px/going_home_to_body_judgement/
---
Have any of you had it where your ED develops in another state and then you need to visit family / friends after a while of not seeing them? I swear literally every single person I’ve seen since being back has said something about how skinny I look. My dad told me I actually look like a sick person twice. People try to put their hands around my biceps and are so shocked!!! It’s very uncomfortable. My mom, dad, brothers, sisters, friends, acquaintances, all keep saying how skinny I am. I even put on some jeans and thought my ass looked great, which I vocalized, to which my sister replied, “See!? This is why you need to eat.” I am just feeling so negative about my body image at this point and it kills my appetite more. It’s just such a bad cycle sometimes how you choose to withhold nourishment in equilibrium because of your fucking wacked out body and mental space! All we need is support. Jeez.
TLDR; FML
[Discussion] Does anybody else’s skin get worse during restricting?
/u/sunnshine67 [5'4 vampire | 23.14 | -29.6 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 24 07:48:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ii281/does_anybody_elses_skin_get_worse_during/
---
I see people talk all the time about how their skin is better while restricting but I feel like mine get noticeably worse. I never have pimples or redness until I stop eating enough
[Other] Having ED can be an isolating experience in real life...
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Mon Sep 24 07:41:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ii0ge/having_ed_can_be_an_isolating_experience_in_real/
---
just a thought
[Rant/Rave] I realised that non ED people are not going to be fully understand us. Only those who suffer will be able to.
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Mon Sep 24 07:39:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ihzrl/i_realised_that_non_ed_people_are_not_going_to_be/
---
learning this, i am become careful to who i share my ed to. one of my co worker said i dont look sick enough to stay in hospital for treatment. but.. ED is a mental illness.. we can look fine but have illness..
[Rant/Rave] I just want crispy waffles
/u/BigFrameSkinnyAddict
Created: Mon Sep 24 07:20:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ihuw3/i_just_want_crispy_waffles/
---
I brought 2 kashi blueberry waffles for my lunch and I put them in a Ziploc bag... Well noe theyre soggy because of the build up moisture wtf 😭
[Rant/Rave] Hunger pains
/u/breebunny88
Created: Mon Sep 24 07:15:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ihtf0/hunger_pains/
---
DAE feel dreadful if they don’t wake up starving? If I don’t want up feeling hunger pains typically my whole entire day is shot 😭 please someone else tell me I’m not the only one...
Other than that I hope everyone is having a great day.
Xxx babes
Monday morning blues
/u/art_istical [5'5 | CW: 104 | BMI: 17 | GW: 99 | Female]
Created: Mon Sep 24 07:09:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ihru7/monday_morning_blues/
---
Drinking my electrolytes and hoping this week goes well for all of us. What are you all looking forward to this week (food or otherwise!)?
[Help] Boyfriends family constantly comments how I need to eat more.
/u/lowfatavocado [5'6.5 | cw 119.5 | BMI 19 | gw 105 | 23F]
Created: Mon Sep 24 07:06:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ihr3p/boyfriends_family_constantly_comments_how_i_need/
---
So, my boyfriends dads side of the family will comment on how I need to eat more. Mainly his grandma and dad. I understand completely where they're coming from. I'm afraid I come off as rude when I don't finish my food. I feel sad, because the last thing I want to to is disrespect my elders, you know? Most of my life has consisted of taking care of my elders. I love them.
I'm stuck. If I force myself to eat more than I'm comfortable, in front of them, it'll show. My mood will change, I'll visibly become anxious and sad. And then they'll think I'm odd or ask me if I'm ok. And if they ask me if I'm ok ILL CRY BECAUSE THATS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME IF IM OK. lol.
My boyfriends dad keeps mentioning it when I'm not around. How I should eat more. My boyfriend is fully aware of my ED and tries his damn best to be the most supportive and loving. He's the best. But we both don't know how to approach this situation. So, since we don't have an approach we're dead set on, he thinks we should just tell his dad that I have some problems with food that I'm trying to get over. He thinks his dad will take a hint and ease back a bit. His dad is very supportive of me, and his family does really like me, so none of this is ever done in an attacking manner.
If anyone has been in a similar situation, I'd love to hear how you approached this situation! And maybe if you just have advice, I'd love to hear that too!
Thanks fam
X
[Other] I hope it's ok that this isn't directly ED related but i feel like we all can use some motivation sometimes and this one spoke to me.
/u/audreyhepburnwho [no binge September.]
Created: Mon Sep 24 06:28:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ihhj6/i_hope_its_ok_that_this_isnt_directly_ed_related/
---
https://i.redd.it/i0b7qw9wj6o11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] Gained a bunch of weight feel sick
/u/ProvocativeSkeleton
Created: Mon Sep 24 06:24:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ihgmy/gained_a_bunch_of_weight_feel_sick/
---
Had cancer, and thyroid surgery. I was overweight many parts of my life (due to thyroid issues) and have always restricted until I felt down to what I thought was “acceptable”.
I’ve gained a bunch of weight recently (I’m way over 200 lbs now) and I’m so depressed. I’m constantly anxious, feeling awkward and am depressed. I keep trying to restrict but it’s so difficult, especially because I keep getting random problems like kidney infections and colds. When I get sick I overeat too, and combined with bed rest I just end up gaining more!
I don’t want to be obese, I don’t like feeling so fat and awkward and ugly. I wish I could just get over this horrible feeling I get when I restrict it’s really scaring me, I don’t want to become diabetic and stuff, my blood pressure is already high.
I’m struggling to exorcise too, I can walk, but anything more than that I feel very ill. I went to my doctor (she knows I restrict, she’s actually okay with it) and she didn’t know what to do.
Anybody in the same boat? I just really wish i could get a handle on this 😭😭
fasted to prove her wrong, ended up feeling super in control now don't want to stop
/u/xlilgirlpoptartx [5'7 | CW: 205 | SW: 245 | GW:135 | F/37]
Created: Mon Sep 24 06:15:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ihemn/fasted_to_prove_her_wrong_ended_up_feeling_super/
---
So I wrote about my roommate's little tantrum over me losing so much weight, even though at this stage losing that weight is extremely healthy, and there's nothing at all wrong with it.
Granted she has seen and knows some of the more unhealthy ways and mindset that I'm going about it, but I honestly think she's more upset that I won't go out to buffets and to buy discount boxes of doughnuts from the bakery anymore than she is actually is concerned about my health.
So yesterday she cleaned up all the snacks she had left all over the kitchen in an attempt to tempt me or sabotage all my progress, but I'd already snapped at her in an angry moment and said that the joke was on her, that I was fasting yesterday and there was nothing she could do to make me eat those things.
And then she left! She is going out of town until Thursday. So the little bit of pride I felt in not eating, felt stripped away from me. But I'd already said I was gonna, and it was stuck in my head, no eating today, I just simply wasn't allowed. The scale had stayed the same as yesterday, maybe I needed this push to force my body into losing more, at least that's what I told myself.
But it turned out ok, I had a few moments where I realized she wouldn't even know or probably care if I did eat something, but it got easier. By the time 4 pm rolled around, I realized it had actually been 24 hours since I last ate, but I felt fine and so decided I could keep it up until this morning.
At about the 24-hour mark, I also realized how in control I felt. I was choosing what could go in my body, or what could not. I was drinking every tea flavor I owned and realizing I'd never even tried some of them before, and they were pretty tasty! And I started to feel like things would be ok, I felt really euphoric about it and like....yeah fuck her and everyone else who is trying to parent me for my bad life choices, because at the end of the day, this body still belongs to me and I can do with it what I please.
And then when I got up this morning, not even hungry, and the scale says 2 pounds lighter and I'm thinking I can do this, I can get where I want to be at, and nobody is gonna stop me, not even myself.
[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! September 24, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Sep 24 06:14:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ihegt/weekly_stats_update_september_24_2018/
---
This is the weekly status thread for September 24, 2018.
The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.
Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):
* Height:
* Current weight (CW):
* Highest weight (HW):
* Lowest weight (LW):
* Goal weight (GW):
* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):
* Weight lost (WL):
* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))
* Age:
* Gender expression:
Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:
* Height:
* CW:
* HW:
* LW:
* GW:
* UGW:
* WL:
* BMI:
* Age:
* Gender expression:
*****
Status threads are posted every Monday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! September 24, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Sep 24 06:14:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ihefe/daily_food_diary_september_24_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for September 24, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Rant/Rave] Wasting delicious japanese food
/u/whaaaaaaatisthis
Created: Mon Sep 24 05:49:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ih8s2/wasting_delicious_japanese_food/
---
I'm currently on my vacation in Japan and I've never felt so sad. I love japanese food and for this trip, I booked myself a kobe beef meal and another japanese traditional kaiseki meal because I'm in a ryokan. Couple months prior to this trip, I went back to old ways and became super restrictive with food. Before coming to this trip, I told myself to enjoy myself and eat everything that I want, because I can walk everywhere I go. Hikes, walking and clocking almost 30k steps a day, checked. Now I'm sitting here at my dinner and I can't find any way to stomach all this food. It's so sad, I'm almost force feeding myself at this point but it also feels like a waste to stop eating :(
[Rant/Rave] [Rant] Summer fcked me up
/u/LateAsparagus [24F | BMI 24.5 -> 20.3 -> 22.3]
Created: Mon Sep 24 05:47:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ih8f4/rant_summer_fcked_me_up/
---
I purged (ha) my closets last spring when I was a good 3-4 kg lighter than I am rn, throwing out all my bigger clothes. Well, then came summer, I had no access to a scale and I only wore shorts from last summer when I was heavier than I am now (like, in the beginning of the summer I needed a belt) and being an idiot, I didn't think twice when the clothes started fitting better. Now it's getting colder and I can't breathe in any of my fucking jeans.
On a lighter note, it's hilarious how people think that wearing a dress or a skirt is automatically a put together look. Like people compliment me and go "ugh, I wish I had the energy to put that much effort into my outfits" and I'm just sitting here like girl. Please. Nothing else fits me. Once I get rid of this summer weight I'm back to jeans and t-shirts.
So sick if guys who love the fact that I'm thin but also get irritated that I don't eat and drink with them
/u/BrandNewJayRab [5'7.5| CW: Too high | GW: 130 | Older Female]
Created: Mon Sep 24 05:11:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ih0oi/so_sick_if_guys_who_love_the_fact_that_im_thin/
---
[This is a rant. On mobile so not sure how to flair the post.]
I'm sure non-ed women do similar things to their partners but I'm just telling this from my perspective (I don't mean to generalize any particular gender).
I've always been a big fluctuater and when I don't practice ED behaviors, my weight always creeps up to an overweight BMI. Even obese at my worst. It's like, even when I'm not binging and trying to just eat reasonably, my body *wants* to be at a 26-30 BMI. It sucks.
So when I am thin, after months of ED behaviors, I of course get a lot more attention from men. I don't blame them since I am not attractive at higher weights (I do NOT carry it well). But the part that fucks me up is, these same men will get irritated if I don't want to go out drinking or to lunch, etc. because I'm at my calorie limit for the day. I explain to them that it is either this, or I get fat. I know once in a while doesn't kill me, but I get very easily triggered into binging when I'm not on a structured plan. And when I fall off the wagon, it's hard for me to get back on. So this is what it takes and I'll okay with that. I'm 33 years old and I know my body.
At first they love that I'm slim and watch my figure. But as soon as I start telling them that they are welcome to order a pizza but they'll be eating it by themselves, they start on this rant of "just work out more/eating a few slices won't kill you"). But no motherfucker, I know my body and I know what it takes to be thin. Period.
And these same guys are always the ones who do not like bigger girls. I know they wouldn't be talking to me if I was still big. I'm just so over it.
[Help] Didn’t gain after 3 day binge... when will I see it on the scale?
/u/Soybeansandsprouts [🍉5'5|109|GW:105🍌]
Created: Mon Sep 24 04:55:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9igxhq/didnt_gain_after_3_day_binge_when_will_i_see_it/
---
Thursday to Saturday were baaaad days for me. I was eating at or slightly below maintenance for about a week and half prior to that and was feeling kind of proud of myself but lo and behold, eating more food inevitably leads to eating all the fucking food.
I don’t really have a calorie count for those days but maybe 3000 each day? Honestly idk I ate to the point that felt sick and pained and on Friday I even made myself puke until it stopped hurting so bad.
Now I’m on day 2 of what will be a 7 day fast to make up for the binges and maintaining. I tell myself that this is a “spiritual cleanse” but I know damn well it’s just my ED running wild. I weighed myself yesterday and was up a pound. Weighed myself this morning and I was back to 109.4. So when is all the binge weight going to come back and bite my ass? When will I see the scale go up??
Recovery is hard
/u/MSplinterED
Created: Mon Sep 24 04:38:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9igu5s/recovery_is_hard/
---
Recovery is hard. Obviously.
I knew it would be. But I had this idea that I would begin outpatient, and I would follow my plan and be compliant, and I would easily fall into a perfect weight and not hate myself all the time.
Instead like a month later I'm here crying because my friend took a snap of me and I am convinced I look like basically jaba the Hutt.
My roommate said it's dismorphia. But it's not dismorphia if it's true and I'm actually a sack of lard.
I put my check in tonight as like 5/5 with wanting to purge. I didn't. But all I wanted to do was throw up.
Fuck this whole thing
[Tip] Be safe even when you're struggling.
/u/jazledisko
Created: Mon Sep 24 04:14:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9igpnm/be_safe_even_when_youre_struggling/
---
Hey beautiful people ♡
I'm not sure if anyone else has brought this up before but ive found this immensely helpful.
In the midst of an almost relapse after realizing how much weight I'd gained (now sitting at 69.5kg), i stumbled across intermittent fasting and the art of eating one meal a day.
Now back in the day, this shit used to leave me dizzy, foggy headed and useless... with the help of some slightly yucky tasting salty water I've been maintaining eating in a 1hr window every day for 4 days so far.
Please be aware I'm not promoting fasting to anyone who's in a fragile place but i want you to know urgently about "snake juice" as it will keep your electrolytes in check and stop you from fainting, getting heart palpitations and feeling super out of it if you are restricting at the time. Doesn't do shit all for hunger unfortunately, but such is life!
Have a Google but the basis of it is approx:
1/4 teaspoon sea salt
1/2 teaspoon potassium (nu salt/salt sub brands)
1/2 teaspoon bicarb of soda.
1 litre water.
I prefer to do less bicarb and more salt but that's just me. Dont overdo the potassium or have more than 1 teaspoon worth of it per day. Have at least 1L (maximum 2L) of this mix per day, can be further diluted or just neck a glass here and there during the day cause it's kinda gross.
Hope this can help anyone who's struggling or trying to get in control of things again, or even just trying out intermittent fasting like myself. Much love to you all! Stay safe 😘
I just "binged" on 12 cans of diet vanilla coke WTF.
/u/Hairless_Human [6' | CW 137.4 | BMI 17.88 | WL -142.6 |M 21]
Created: Mon Sep 24 03:44:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9igk7j/i_just_binged_on_12_cans_of_diet_vanilla_coke_wtf/
---
Idk what happened. I just kept drinking can after can. I couldnt stop. I have been pissing over and over. Thank god it was zero calories but man my stomach is freakin huge and hurts like hell. The amount of water weight I just put on is crazy. Brb gotta pee... again.
I’m going back to restrictive <1000 eating after almost four years. I just feel the need to be less than 17 BMI again. This sub is the best thing that’s happened to me in a little while, so I’m going to try and keep a public record of my progress. Day 1 Body.
/u/SimDelCalSalBris
Created: Mon Sep 24 03:42:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9igk0g/im_going_back_to_restrictive_1000_eating_after/
---
https://i.redd.it/t19lyewdq5o11.jpg
Treated myself to Duncan's coffee this morning...
/u/PM_ME_BrusselSprouts [5'3" | CW: 165 | BMI: 30.0 | 33, F]
Created: Mon Sep 24 03:36:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9igiwj/treated_myself_to_duncans_coffee_this_morning/
---
Splurged after a good day of eating yesterday on coffee this morning. Extra large with one cream and Splenda. Normally I don't use cream unless it's a treat.
Get the fucking coffee and the motherfucking bitch put 5 creams and 5 Splenda in it. I was in the drive through and didn't notice until I was long gone because it's always too hot to drink.
That's literally breakfast and lunch for me.
I'm so angry and sad right now. I want to call there and cus her out cause this legit ruined my entire morning. I brewed some coffee at work and I'm using this as sweetener but damn. WTF is wrong with people.
How do 'normal people' stay low calorie long term?
/u/Appolinaris9
Created: Mon Sep 24 03:19:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9igg8i/how_do_normal_people_stay_low_calorie_long_term/
---
I red a lot about the people of okinawa, or people who do calorie restriction for longevity - they often eat quite little (the okinawans clock in at around 1200 calories), althought healthy, but they don't seem to care/miss anything more, they're quite satieted. Also, for whatever reason, they don't get skinnier and skinnier over time.
Me on the other hand, I start binging sooner or later no matter what the calorie limit is and I'm always food obsessed :(
How come? Is that the whole 'intuitive eating' mindset, when you believe you can have it but don't really want it, and eating according to hunger makes you eat less?
I so wish I could eat intuitively and be effortlessly skinny, my hunger is actually never so much, it's usually just the cravings that get me! And when I have a bite of this and of that without counting, I'll get super anxious that I'm eating triple of what I would usually eat and flip, so I always go back to a set number (althought, after some time this makes me crazy too lol).
DAE get really triggered when PARENTS aren't feeding their children healthy?
/u/Chunky-chunker
Created: Mon Sep 24 02:57:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9igcg6/dae_get_really_triggered_when_parents_arent/
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So I grew up on junk and meats + starchy carbs + regular pizza nights. I don't blame my dad as I'm too endeared to him and see him way to positive a light. He was a single parent, worked a low grade job, 3 kids, probably had Depression to a degree etc.
I currently live with a family who's got separated parents. The mother works lmost week days besides 2 days of the week. The other days of the week the dad comes and makes decent dinners, usually veges and a meat source. Average standard of "healthy" - he does often bring either muffins or donuts, but he makes his youngest son eggs for a snack often. I've only just really noticed how bad/ lacking the mother is in regards to making dinners. I was acutely aware of fridays being a pizza night / kfc night, same with Saturdays... but I don't know if I've EVER witnessed her cook a dinner for her sons. Like literally ever. She's overweight, like obese, but ALL her sons are underweight.
I've seen her eat nutella from the jar, same with her youngest son. There's always cookies in the house. Two minute noodles too. Fruit? Bread? Weetbix and yoghurt? But beyond that not much. It's fucking disgusting the more I think about it and I can understand budget, so atleast the fruit is okay. But she neglects the kids so much and it hurts me to see. I'm wondering how the weekly pizza thing effects budget, plus the kids habits later in life.
Relevant link: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DaqOe2mMURc](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DaqOe2mMURc)
What was your craziest "diet"?
/u/Pollyhotpocketposts
Created: Mon Sep 24 02:47:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9igawb/what_was_your_craziest_diet/
---
Inspired by this recent post https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ie2md/my_latest_crash_diet_is_probably_also_my_dumbest/
What crazy or bright ideas led to your wackiest diet attempts?
the thinner I get, the more I hate my body
/u/memumem
Created: Mon Sep 24 02:34:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ig8z9/the_thinner_i_get_the_more_i_hate_my_body/
---
Usually just lurk here but felt like sharing today, so here goes:
I used to be so confident in my body— I modelled professionally, ate whatever I wanted, slept around and felt like hot shit. I remember the way guys would look at me when they saw me naked for the first time, how excited I'd be to take off my clothes.
Now I don't even want my boyfriend to see me. We hardly have sex—I always tell him I'm on my period, but I don't even get periods anymore.
I know what my body looks like—I was underweight when I was at my healthiest (5'11, 125 lb). I'm only 13 pounds down, but I feel like death. I'm cold all the time, I'm weak, I'm faint, I'm meant to be writing my dissertation and I can't focus at all. I can't have caffeine anymore because it turns me into an anxious mess. I can't sleep.
And I know that I'm not attractive anymore. I see how my bones protrude. I can see my tailbone, and my ribs in my back. It's grotesque. Men don't look at me anymore. I didn't realise how much they used to. It's like I'm invisible.
But it's sickly satisfying. I'm wasting away, and I want to keep wasting away until I disappear.
Doesn’t starving make it harder to lose weight?
/u/floorboard67
Created: Mon Sep 24 01:52:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ig2fc/doesnt_starving_make_it_harder_to_lose_weight/
---
Every time i read about it on the internet it just says starving makes your metabolism super slow and makes it harder to lose weight, also that when you do end up eating you will gain any weight back super fast. Anyone have any information about this or any reasons that this doesn’t matter?
[Discussion] halloween costumes
/u/isaezraa [165 | cw 53 | gw 50 |16 f | ]
Created: Mon Sep 24 01:49:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ig1vm/halloween_costumes/
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[removed]
[Discussion] What are your Halloween Goals?
/u/Shewantstolive
Created: Mon Sep 24 01:46:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ig1iq/what_are_your_halloween_goals/
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Okay mine is definitely to lose down to 130 which is only 10 pounds away. I know I can do it for sure and hoping to weigh less than that honestly but at least a ten pound loss is more doable . My plan is to drink monsters and water and coffee and eat salads when I break my fasting days . I really want to be something sexy for Halloween and I can’t be if I’m all flabby and gross . What about you?
[Tip] Laxatives
/u/rayodelunalele [F | 17 | 5’4 | BMI: 27.7 | CW: 161 | GW: 135 | UGW: 115 ]
Created: Mon Sep 24 01:27:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ify8h/laxatives/
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I’m super bummed out because I spent 15 dollars on MiraLax and it doesn’t work for me. 😭 Softens my stool (when I do poop) but it doesn’t actually promote movements.
With DucoLax does it actually promote movements for you? If so, how soon?
Any lax recommendations? I want one that produces that shit instantly 😂 (Literally) 😂
But I’m also super scared of cramping. Please say the upside and downside of anything you’ve used!
[Other] I initiated sex with my boyfriend just to burn a few more calories before ending my week on LoseIt
/u/chezpajama
Created: Mon Sep 24 01:26:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ify2r/i_initiated_sex_with_my_boyfriend_just_to_burn_a/
---
I should probably feel bad, but I don’t. Maybe relapse has made me a shitty person or maybe I always was one 🤷🏼♀️
[Rant/Rave] Can't have your cake and eat it too.
/u/CompetitionEater
Created: Mon Sep 24 01:16:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ifweu/cant_have_your_cake_and_eat_it_too/
---
So I just made a cake. Just, on a whim. No event, no nothing. And now, instead of tasting my masterpiece (jk, it's pretty sloppy) I have to just let it sit in the fridge.
I'm going to bring it to school tommorow and have my friends eat it, so it won't be there to taunt me anymore. And also just because I love them and they deserve cake.
If any of you are interested it's a Russian honey cake. The layers are thin and round and almost cracker-like (presumably the filling will soften them up overnight). I had a little chunk and it tasted kinda like a grahm-cracker. The filling is just whipped cream and sour cream,sweetened with honey. I coated it with the filling and then crumbled up the extra cake bits and put those on the outside. It actually looks okay!
Anyways, I just had to get that out because I don't have anyone who won't give me a weird look if I tell them that I can't eat cake. Pray for me. Goodnight, I love y'all!
Caught my reflection in a store window...
/u/Meeskeesk
Created: Mon Sep 24 01:08:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ifv0w/caught_my_reflection_in_a_store_window/
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And my jaw looked so defined! Usually I never put my hair up because my cheeks are so round (small jaw and chin) but I was coming home from the gym so I had my hair pulled back. Yay!
[Discussion] Has anyone done so many different food eliminating/restrictive diets that NO food seems safe?
/u/allthestarsinyoureye
Created: Mon Sep 24 00:51:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ifryq/has_anyone_done_so_many_different_food/
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I mean I guess green vegetables are the exception, but I’ve done keto and been full blown vegan, oh and of course! Clean eating, and when I was younger super low fat/low cal, but not caring about sugar/carbs.
Now? I feel scared by everything... I don’t know which is the TRUE perfect diet. There’s literature for and against ALL of them.
The truth is I just love food rules so I easily latch onto diets the eliminate food groups. I felt good on keto but grossed out by all the animal products, I felt ok on vegan and better ethically and lost weight but was bloated 24/7. Clean eating, um, I can’t give up sweet and low ever, it’s pathetic, so I always fail that one.
I wish I was just oblivious to it all but I read every article, piece of literature because I want so badly to know the PERFECT foods for my body.
And then since I can’t? I fuck it up and b/p and destroy my health anyways. Genius.
[Discussion] Biggest “whoosh” you’ve had?
/u/ImmediateAlien [5'3 | CW: 105.6 lbs | GW 99 lbs | BMI: 19.2 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 24 00:47:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ifrar/biggest_whoosh_youve_had/
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Hi guys,
I’m curious about what was your biggest whoosh and how did it happen, since I think I never had one.
Or I guess I just need an excuse to eat carbs lol.
P. S: Stay hydrated <3
[Rant/Rave] Everyone on the subway is skinnier than me today
/u/twa1238 [F25| 158cm | CW 🐄 |]
Created: Mon Sep 24 00:41:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ifq4z/everyone_on_the_subway_is_skinnier_than_me_today/
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Even the clearly overweight people are thinner than me. What the fuck. Also I gained 200 gram today after high restricting yesterday. I -really- want to take laxatives to see if it’s water weight but I haven’t for six days (feels like two months) and I know I shouldn’t. Everything sucks.
[Intro] And Now We're Here (Intro)
/u/InBetweenTheLies [5'8.5 | 126.8 |18.7 | -6 ]
Created: Mon Sep 24 00:29:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ifo2q/and_now_were_here_intro/
---
There is no paperwork that says I have an ED. Quite frankly I have no proof, just suspicions. Log after log into calorie trackers and long, long runs and the scale deadcenter in the bathroom, kept carefully aligned with wood on the sink.
I know exactly when this started. That's a lie. Some aspect of it was always there, in the 9th grader who skipped both breakfast and lunch because she couldn't be bothered, in the 10th grader who smiled when she was told she was thin, in the 1st-year-college student who ate only three bananas and a bottle of Gatorade in five days and felt proud.
But it really started when I was sexually assaulted, and then immediately developed thyroid failure. First I gained and then I started playing games. Lost and gained and lost and gained.
And now we're at the lowest that we've been at since we were that first-year-college-girl with her bananas and her Gatorade. We can't go back to being her, the trauma ripped her away. But now we're here.
Hi.
I am very lonely.
My weight is stopping me from feeling good enough for people - sex as self harm?
/u/AloneStyle
Created: Mon Sep 24 00:29:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ifo1v/my_weight_is_stopping_me_from_feeling_good_enough/
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I feel pretty, I feel like I'm a good person but my weight is stopping me for feeling worthy of anything.
I've fucked a ton of people. Meaningless sex just to make me feel like I'm good enough for something even if it hurts me in the end.
I never feel good enough for relationships: I'm fat and they can do so much better I think indirectly I may be ruining my chances but I'm already ugly anyways so what's the point?
On one hand I feel like I deserve one and on the other I think there's no point because they can do better than me. I have a good personality and I'm loving but my weight makes me worthless.
Just broke a fast with a binge
/u/backup4reelz [5'5" F | 121 | 115]
Created: Mon Sep 24 00:03:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ifjdq/just_broke_a_fast_with_a_binge/
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49 hours all for nothing and i was gonna go to sleep but instead I ate like. A lot. Gonna restart my fast again tomorrow whoopsies
I’m gonna cry myself to sleep whoops night y’all
[Rant/Rave] Fuck
/u/angelakarui
Created: Sun Sep 23 23:57:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ifi85/fuck/
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I don’t know why 1200 feels like an insane binge. I don’t know why I’m crying and calling myself a fat piece of shit when I’m not. It was eating over the span of a day, and I ate healthy food, and I logged it tonight and it ended up being 1200 calories. I never go over 600 and today I just let myself eat an actual meal and snack and not worry about logging it as I went. Which I never do. It wasn’t even satisfying, it was healthy food and I didn’t eat until I was full. I fasted for a couple days so I thought I’d just let the reigns go and eat a real meal. And somehow I classify this as me being a stupid fat fuck. Even 900 calories feels like a binge to me. I can’t have regular food and it makes me really sad. I just drink protein shakes and drink eight cups of tea and eat stupid vegetables all day. Now I’m just going to have to fast again and take laxatives to get this food out of me. I can’t stop crying and I’m just so frustrated with this way of living
[Other] Beautiful poem my anorexia told me at breakfast
/u/AspergersAndCoffee [5'2F | Last recorded weight 93 | SW 100 | Starting therapy soon]
Created: Sun Sep 23 23:56:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ifi0h/beautiful_poem_my_anorexia_told_me_at_breakfast/
---
Food, food, you cook, fry or bake,
The more you eat, the more you weigh,
The more you weigh, the more you're hated,
So you should be emaciated
[Help] Talk me through the day?
/u/Ednosonline
Created: Sun Sep 23 23:49:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ifgvc/talk_me_through_the_day/
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Heya People. Anyone want to join in on a lazy talk throughout the day to make monday a great start of the week? I have been on my GW1 for like 10 days now and an going to try out IF for this week to see if it helps... I might need distractions :3 (Vegetarian keto also).
So, I realize a lot of you are probably asleep right now. Any fellow Europeans awake yet? I just made myself lemon water and coffee and am about to get going towards the train to work. You? :)
Food controls my whole life and I am MISERABLE
/u/chpbnvic [5'4" | CW 160.6 lbs | GW 115 | 25F]
Created: Sun Sep 23 23:48:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ifgj8/food_controls_my_whole_life_and_i_am_miserable/
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The biggest factor of my binge eating is my job and I’m working so much. I feel like I might have to quit my job soon for something less stressful so I can get my life back. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. My life is spiraling out of control.
[Discussion] Diet Coke or Coke Zero?
/u/gothicapples
Created: Sun Sep 23 23:21:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ifbjx/diet_coke_or_coke_zero/
---
What do you guys like better?
I used to like Diet Coke more but lately I have found it too sweet and switched to Coke Zero
Castlewood
/u/GQJohnDoe [6'2" | 233.2(!!) | 29.xx | 0.4 (>100 before) | M(ish)]
Created: Sun Sep 23 22:55:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9if6fa/castlewood/
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Did anyone here ever go to Castlewood, especially the "original" house (800)? Is it totally gone?
[Other] This sub makes me feel so much less alone in the weird things I constantly obsess about
/u/halfcigarette [5'4"| CW: too freaked to check | BMI:20ish | 22F]
Created: Sun Sep 23 22:40:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9if3e9/this_sub_makes_me_feel_so_much_less_alone_in_the/
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Thanks for existing, people.
Frozen Dessert Creations?
/u/AndyRectum [5'11" | CW 119 lbs | 25M]
Created: Sun Sep 23 22:39:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9if36q/frozen_dessert_creations/
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I've been messing around with little frozen desserts. I was wondering if any of you have tried your hand at anything like this? Hits or misses - I'd love to hear them both! Lately, I've been freezing a cup or two of unsweetened almond milk as the base and then doing various add-ins throughout the week. Stevia packets, cinnamon, sugar-free syrup, peanut butter powder. This week I'm adding in two tbsp of lite Cool Whip and a 1/4 cup of cottage cheese. Cottage cheese and Cool Whip is an amazing combo (I know that sounds a little bonkers haha).
Binges make me more productive and I fucking hate it
/u/peacecorpsquestion3 [5’6 | 116]
Created: Sun Sep 23 22:37:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9if2na/binges_make_me_more_productive_and_i_fucking_hate/
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When I restrict I’m a lazy exhausted mess but after I binge it’s like I feel the need to atone for what I’ve done and I become almost manic. I just have to go and get shit done and go run and do all my homework and clean my whole house. Today I binged and then I organized my clothes drawers and closet, did my Ancient Greece project that isn’t due for a week, finished reading and annotating 60 pages of this book and studied like 2 hours for the sat.
I just binged. 3,500 calories worth.
/u/chrysanthemym [🌻 she/her | cw: 134 | gw: 115 | vegan 🌻]
Created: Sun Sep 23 22:16:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ieyem/i_just_binged_3500_calories_worth/
---
I'm so pissed at myself. I'm beyond pissed off.
I hit my lowest weight today in months, 130.5 lbs. That's nearly fifteen pounds away from my first goal weight of 115 lbs and I just fucked it up by binging.
Please ease my worries before I have a breakdown.
[Goal] October
/u/windowtea
Created: Sun Sep 23 22:12:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iexg1/october/
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I’m making October the month I try recovering from bulimia. It won’t be perfect and surely won’t happen in just a single month, but as long as I can decrease the frequency is all that I care about. I have a meal plan and limit already set in place and I’m quite excited but scared simultaneously. Any b/p preventative tips welcomed!
cold all the time hack
/u/swagcat9000 [5'5" | 131 lbs | 21.8 | -37 | M |]
Created: Sun Sep 23 22:11:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iexc2/cold_all_the_time_hack/
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so if youre anything like me and youre cold literally all the time (even under the blankets in bed)
i suggest investing in a hot water bottle!
i bought it to help the broken blood vessels in my eye (from purging lol) heal faster but i started using it in bed at night and i’m in love plus it helps with cramps too
tip flair
[Rant/Rave] please don’t roast me guys
/u/ScrunchiesandDraino [5’8”| CW: 249| BMI: 🐋|20F]
Created: Sun Sep 23 21:59:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ieueu/please_dont_roast_me_guys/
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enlightened ice cream is so much better than halo top
if u can get it where u live it’s worth the $$ per pint
Just started working for Postmates on my bike doing deliveries, can now burn calories and get paid at the same time. Nice.
/u/eggheck [5'3" |SW: 128lbs |CW: 109 |GW: 95 |BMI: 19.3 |Male]
Created: Sun Sep 23 21:52:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iesva/just_started_working_for_postmates_on_my_bike/
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https://i.redd.it/6iwuyhitz3o11.jpg
Veggie Broth
/u/schizodepressive2
Created: Sun Sep 23 21:49:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iescz/veggie_broth/
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Does anyone have any recommendations for a good, low cal vegan broth? They're all so flavorless and unsatisfying. Maybe it's too much to ask for, but I want something that tastes good while I'm restricting. Any ideas?
[Help] how do you look less sick??
/u/itsyaboifranzi [5'0| 105.6 lbs | 20.6 | ~20 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Sep 23 21:27:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ienjl/how_do_you_look_less_sick/
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man i just gotta know... its 11pm i look sick as FUCK and im not boutta get caught 10 lbs from my gw no thanks
The most insensitive thing anyone has said to me about my ED
/u/HufflePuff_Badg3r
Created: Sun Sep 23 21:20:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iem2o/the_most_insensitive_thing_anyone_has_said_to_me/
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It was subtle: but my best friend said that she'd never guess that I had an eating disorder. My bmi was 15. It felt like she was saying that I didn't look thin enough to be anorexic. That hurt.
[Rant/Rave] Feeling the need to hit rock bottom
/u/ZygomaticArdvark [5'2" | 102.6 | BMI 18.7 | F16]
Created: Sun Sep 23 20:39:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iebzw/feeling_the_need_to_hit_rock_bottom/
---
I've tried to recover in the past, but always relapsed because I had never felt 'satisfied' with how far my ed got, if that makes sense. I always want to go back and go further. I really feel like I need to hit absolute rock bottom before I'll recover for real, but I'm obviously worried about the consequences, not to mention that I have no idea where rock bottom is for me. I want to get excessively thin, go inpatient, be hospitalized, pass out, Everything. I have a feeling that, honestly, rock bottom doesn't exist & if I kept going, I wouldn't stop until I was dead.
I'm at my LW right now and my therapist is threatening to send me to a more intensive program (which would alert my currently ignorant parents to my condition) if I continue to lose. I don't know what to do because it feels like I'll never have closure with this ed. Like no matter what, I'll always have the itch to relapse and go further than before. It feels like this will always be a part of me. At the same time, I can't go all-in because I know that it would absolutely destroy my loved ones, especially my boyfriend.
I just don't know what to do. I'm deeply ashamed of not really wanting to let go of ana, and I know I won't want to until something bad enough happens to me but I can't handle to guilt of hurting the people around me by continuing this. I feel so stuck and unhappy.
Sugar addiction
/u/peacecorpsquestion3 [5’6 | 116]
Created: Sun Sep 23 20:14:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ie68i/sugar_addiction/
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Coming to terms with the fact that most of my binges are from being addicted to sugar. Going cold turkey tomorrow. Anyone else got experience with this? Maaaan this is gonna be hell
[Other] I feel so sick and sad
/u/lemonpepperfresh [5'1 | CW 117 | GW 92]
Created: Sun Sep 23 20:12:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ie5ra/i_feel_so_sick_and_sad/
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After successfully restricting for more than I week I binged so bad :( . Around 2 cups of rice and beans and I dont know how much milk, my stomach feels so full and painful and it feels like im gonna vomit. I want to fast tomorrow but im scared its gonna happen again. How do you get into the right mindset for fasting?
[Rant/Rave] Felt normal for the first time in a while!
/u/tentaclebarn
Created: Sun Sep 23 20:07:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ie4ix/felt_normal_for_the_first_time_in_a_while/
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I'm so happy! Got together with a new friend for dinner and it went really well--he wanted a salad place so it ended up all being safe food and menu online!! I ate like a normal person and didn't feel nervous for the first time in weeks, and even had a snack when I got home while staying at my calorie limits! I love how calm and quiet my brain feels! I hope I feel this way again soon.
Unsure about getting treatment
/u/lunaaathemoona
Created: Sun Sep 23 20:07:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ie4f3/unsure_about_getting_treatment/
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I’ve been purging technically for 4 months, but it just got really bad about a week or so ago (immediately purging all food and beverages I consume). I kind of feel it evolving already to restriction, because most of it is related to feeling dirty with food inside me, ANYWAY. I told my therapist about it a few days after it got bad because I don’t want to derail my life again (I have a long, intense history of mental illness issues). She asked me to go to this place for an assessment for the different treatment options they have. I assumed I would probably be placed in IOP, but nope, they recommended residential level 😳 I was really surprised because I’m totally not underweight (I have hypothyroidism and I actually still have like 25 pounds to lose).
I’m really scared. I feel like I shouldn’t have told anyone. I at least wanted to reach my goal weight before I’m forced to stop doing what I need to be doing. I’m afraid that I’m going to gain more weight and spiral further down. I’m afraid I won’t be able to purge and that I will get tubed if I refuse to eat. I need to keep doing this to be ok. I hate myself for telling my therapist and going to the assessment. I’m wondering if I should just back out.
My latest crash diet is probably also my dumbest
/u/InTheGecko [172cm (5'6) | 61.5kg (135lbs) | BMI: 20.6 | -12.5kg | F | 23yo]
Created: Sun Sep 23 20:00:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ie2md/my_latest_crash_diet_is_probably_also_my_dumbest/
---
It's pretty simple. I'm not allowed to buy food. I can only eat what people give me or what I steal from work.
Problem is I'm working 12 days in a row, by myself, at a mexican fast food joint. Every morning I promise myself that today will be different and I won't eat anything, and every day I end up three plates deep into vegan nachos. You guys, I have unlimited access to guacamole. I've been following this diet for weeks and I'm actually gaining weight.
Bank account's looking fly tho
DAE get nauseous for smelling or eating
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | CW: 114 | GW:105 | UGW 100 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 23 19:55:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ie1mo/dae_get_nauseous_for_smelling_or_eating/
---
My roommate had food and I can smell it and my stomach is up. Like I can feel the vomit in my mouth. And this whole weekend after I ate I would get little bits of vomit in my throat.
[Rant/Rave] So mad at myself
/u/lilgreentea
Created: Sun Sep 23 19:40:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9idxts/so_mad_at_myself/
---
So I'm on vacation this weekend with family, and I've been doing really well so far. I have a cousin who also restricts and its been so great because we've been holding each other accountable. Unfortunately tonight we had a family dinner. She couldn't make it, and I ended up binging on a RED VELVET CUPCAKE... 400 calories!! So now I hate myself and have to do an extra long workout even though I'm exhausted 😭😩
PSA: Cotton Candy has Surprisingly Few Calories 😍
/u/InSkyLimitEra [AN-R]
Created: Sun Sep 23 19:32:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9idvtc/psa_cotton_candy_has_surprisingly_few_calories/
---
https://i.imgur.com/mVnzDvF.jpg
[Goal] To hide in sweaters
/u/sunnyrai99
Created: Sun Sep 23 19:12:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9idqt8/to_hide_in_sweaters/
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I love sweaters and hoodies and anything oversized.
I hope that once I slip into them I’ll get so used to it that by next spring I’m shocked that everything else will be too big. I just want to continue as I am and not let you the fall/winter depression bring me down or more importantly blow me up.
Do y’all know any good instant soups? I gotta plan ahead haha.
[Rant/Rave] I'm stuck in limbo
/u/sellie41434
Created: Sun Sep 23 19:06:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9idp8z/im_stuck_in_limbo/
---
I'm so stressed out from school already. I have an E in chemistry (it's so hard and my teacher is really bad at teaching and I so desperately want to drop out of chem). It's stressing me out to the point where I'm already literally thinking about ending my fucking life, and the only thing that helps me to calm down is eating but eating stresses me out I am stuck in limbo nothing calms me down and I'm getting farther and farther away from my goal weight I want to cry or die or both help
[Rant/Rave] I have a whole new take on the "clogged shower drain" horror story
/u/bingeyboa [5'0" | 99lbs | 19.3 | -18lbs | F]
Created: Sun Sep 23 18:58:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9idn9r/i_have_a_whole_new_take_on_the_clogged_shower/
---
So the other night I clogged my shower drain. No biggie. Panic of course, then calm down. I can't clear it with my hands. All right. Figure I plunge it. No plunger. So I have to leave it chunky vomit in standing water, two am. Thank god my roommate's out of town. I'll buy one tomorrow. After a nightmare trying to plunge, it drains and clears. I scoop out the chunks and go to town on the tub with bleach spray and an old sponge. The tub looks better than it has in a while, I think I'm in in the clear.
Well.
Turns out the overflow drain on the tub is infested with ants. I have no idea what to do. There must be food in there somewhere, but hell if I know how to clean it out.
I guess I'll just be playing innocentnif my roommate notices it. It's almost winter so hopefully they'll die soon...
[Rant/Rave] You know you're fully in Ana when...
/u/subirban [5'6" | SW: 160 | CW:141 | GW:110 | Female]
Created: Sun Sep 23 18:49:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9idl0q/you_know_youre_fully_in_ana_when/
---
You were out of depression for a while and then BAM! depressed again but this time you can't go to a therapist! Why not? Because you're too worried about getting found out about restricting and purging that you don't wanna risk it and now your depression is fueling your binge/restrict cycle better than ever...
Relatable amiright?
trapped in my own body and head
/u/daddylongschlong
Created: Sun Sep 23 18:40:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9idisl/trapped_in_my_own_body_and_head/
---
I feel trapped. I feel anxious. My life is a yo-yo and my year is divided into the months where I feel happy and when I feel unhappy again because I gained.
If I am stressed, I restrict easier but I am unhappy. I got back to college this year and finally was feeling really good about my body after eating raw all summer. But since I am happy, I am not restricting. But then I become miserable again.
I hate going out with my teammates for frozen yogurt and things I cannot even enjoy myself. I'm tired of buying cute clothes that I'm not confident enough to wear. I'm tired and sad and I just want to be normal. I'm tiredddddd. I hate pinching my skin and feeling around for the fat that I've gained.
What is wrong with me? My body is amazing and it can do amazing things! I am a d1 athlete and I have just ran the best 5k I have ever ran and I'm MISERABLE. I'm tired please help me I'm so tired.....
​
Way more productive when I'm restricting
/u/burrole
Created: Sun Sep 23 18:35:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9idhoe/way_more_productive_when_im_restricting/
---
Hi everyone!
I've realised that when I restrict I sort of have the motivation to revise or do work (obvs don't get the energy!) whereas if i binge i think of myself as basically worthless and I just go to bed early. Does anyone else get like this?
[Rant/Rave] Where my fellow unemployed peeps at?
/u/Lunar_Heart [5'2" | 81lbs | BMI: 15-something | -?lbs| f]
Created: Sun Sep 23 18:21:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iddzl/where_my_fellow_unemployed_peeps_at/
---
Sometimes i feel everyone else with an eating disorder is wildly successful 😅 I didn't even graduate high school. I can't drive, I can't work, I can't really do anything but b/p, and so that's what I do, all day, everyday, because I have *nothing* to distract me.
I wake up sometime closer to sunset than sunrise, and from there, I pretend for a few hours that i'm gonna starve all day but invariably just binge and purge all night in between smoking pot, doing shots, and crying.
What a fucking life 🙄
I have no obligations, no responsibilities, and it feeds into all of my bad habits. I have way too much time on my hands and my self esteem plummets every time I remember I have no job, no money, and no future (which is often) and it just keeps getting worse.
Im kinda just waiting to die at this point.
[Help] Do any of you do cleanses
/u/citrus_juuiice
Created: Sun Sep 23 18:17:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9idcxv/do_any_of_you_do_cleanses/
---
I feel gross and have been considering a cleanse. I was wondering your experiences with them.
[Rant/Rave] I’m on a streak!
/u/coffee_and_vape [5'2'' | CW: 134 :c | GW: 111| -77.2 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 23 17:49:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9id5yq/im_on_a_streak/
---
Kinda posting to keep myself psyched up, but I’m on a 3 day streak of 900cal or less and I’m determined to keep it up and maybe even fast a couple days so I can just enjoy by b-day next week.
I’m still going to count everything, but goddammit I’m gonna make good progress before I can enjoy my first b-day off work in like four years. ✊
[Discussion] DAE feel guilty for eating anything more than ~500 calories?
/u/lift098 [F/5’9 CW:150 GW:135]
Created: Sun Sep 23 17:45:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9id4zb/dae_feel_guilty_for_eating_anything_more_than_500/
---
So i ate 1200 calories today and feel guilty as hell lol. Fasting tomorrow to make up for it
Can't keep anything down+higher intake blues.
/u/extraclevermongoose [5'7" 🐇 Underweight bmi 🐇 They/them]
Created: Sun Sep 23 17:33:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9id1qr/cant_keep_anything_downhigher_intake_blues/
---
Lately I've been struggling with having any food in my stomach. I'm anorexic but have been on a purging kick (both ends...Isn't life great...) because of how upsetting it's been to feel food in my stomach/knowing it's there. Even if I can't get everything out it's starting to become a comforting ritual of mine to vomit a little bit after eating. Wtf self.
Secondly, I've been eating more so I can focus in school properly and It's really hard to keep the self loathing at bay. 700-900 used to be so little to me, now I feel sick seeing my calorie logs at the end of every day. Ugh. I miss the summer where I was super on track with low restriction. I was dying, yeah, but I was losing so well.
[Discussion] DAE feel like they don't deserve to tell people they have an ED?
/u/false-and-homosexual
Created: Sun Sep 23 17:31:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9id19v/dae_feel_like_they_dont_deserve_to_tell_people/
---
Like I told my friend today that I used to have bulimia and I feel very ashamed of telling him. He asked if I still have it and I said no because I'm not bulimic anymore, I just restrict. My brain is telling me I have no right to let him know that I'm currently struggling with one. Almost like it's a secret until I'm actually skinny? He's my best friend and I don't like keeping secrets from him, but I feel like this isn't real until I become small. I also have this certainty that people won't believe that I have an ED, because I'm still obese.
Idk y'all I'm assuming I'm not alone, but any of y'all wanna holler and validate my feelings?
[Rant/Rave] An introduction & rant.
/u/Throwthisaway512
Created: Sun Sep 23 17:27:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9id05i/an_introduction_rant/
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So first off I've been lurking for quite some time and I really am thankful for a community like this where we can be our true selves.
Two years ago I was fat, got healthy and then slipped into my Ed. Then I got sexually assaulted and balooned back to my original weight. With stress and lack of control in my life I am going back into my old habits. Speaking of control... A small rant.
Who hates when people eat your safe foods? Like I now work at a crappy job because I'm in a remote area and don't make as much as I used to. Yesterday I bought some food and like three Halo tops. I now am taking care of my boyfriend's family while he's finishing up his last semester of school.
Anyways, I open the freezer to defrost one peice of salmon and all three Halo tops come falling out. I notice they are light and I look inside. I shit you now there was one bite in each. ONE. And someone didn't even take the wrapper part under the lid completely off so it appears to be full. WTF YALL? I didn't eat any of them. Not even 24 hours passed.
So what do I do? I want to yell but I'm just crying in the backyard. Being out in the country I'm lucky to even find that item, much less my favorite safe foods.
So thanks for being there. At least y'all will get this. My boyfriend thinks I'm being silly. But those aren't cheap.
I’m feeling very called out google
/u/primaddonna [5'4 | 98lbs | 16.8 BMI | Female]
Created: Sun Sep 23 17:25:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iczjl/im_feeling_very_called_out_google/
---
https://i.redd.it/jddgwwu6o2o11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] DAE feel guilty for having a mental illness?
/u/shapay199 [5‘2“ | favorite food ☕️ | F19]
Created: Sun Sep 23 17:09:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9icvf6/dae_feel_guilty_for_having_a_mental_illness/
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Feeling kind of shit right now because I binged, so bear with me, but sitting here in my miserly I can’t help thinking what in the actual fuck made me this way. In addition to my everchanging forms of ED, I’m depressed, and I kind of think I have anxiety disorder, but have only been diagnosed for the former two. The answer I’d like to know to the question why I am such a broken, weak human bean, no therapist has been able to give me. I had an awesome childhood, I have the greatest, most supportive and loving parents I could wish for, I learned to eat healthy, was never put under pressure, had friends...I grew up incredibly privileged, and still, I’m throwing all my gifted potential down the drain because I can’t get my fucking brain in check. Other people had traumatic experiences or hardships in their lives that „justify“ being ill. I am embarrassed to say I have problems, because none of them are real. I’ve literally had people I told about my struggles say they don’t understand how I could be depressed in my situation. I must come across as the most annoying, spoiled little brat out there. Fuck.
[Rant/Rave] I was happier when I was dying
/u/AmbiguousWitch
Created: Sun Sep 23 16:49:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9icq5f/i_was_happier_when_i_was_dying/
---
Basically the title. I keep telling myself that I’m happy and “recovered”, but I miss the high I got from starving. I miss the head rush when I stood. I miss the feeling of my bones. I miss the feeling of almost blacking out. I miss the caffeine and ritalin jitters.
I’m irreversibly fucked in the head.
[Rant/Rave] I can't talk about food normally.
/u/Dontloseyour-Ed [5'1" | 102 | 19.2 | GW: 94lbs | 16f]
Created: Sun Sep 23 16:35:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9icms0/i_cant_talk_about_food_normally/
---
I swear I make like 3 posts a week lmao.
Anyways.
My girlfriend messaged me a picture of dinner that she cooked for herself and it looked really good, as I told her. A little later I get a text along the lines of "god I made too much food. I'm stuffed." I assumed this meant she couldn't finish so I told her cold leftovers are good. She replied saying that the problem was that she ate it all and that is why she's stuffed. Immediately I start feeling what I can only describe as fear. The sort of fear you'd get if you watched someone trip over and break their nose. I didn't feel disgusted about it or anything. I didn't feel like it was gross she could do that, I just felt really anxious about the idea of eating a lot of food. I couldn't figure out how to reply. I was weirdly panicked and the only path my mind could follow was
Eat too much = throw it up.
And if it was me my brain would be telling me I fucked up.
I think my brain formed new pathways or something... food clearly has a different effect on me now than it used to.
I ended up replying "oh." Because I could think of nothing else. I told her it was good that she enjoyed it but the whole thing made me uncomfortable, anxious and isolated. The rest of the conversation I felt depressed and couldn't really engage in anything with her. I could tell my responses were monotonous and disingenuous so I tried to fake some excitement when she was telling me about a tv show she watched. For the most part I wanted to curl up and cry.
I don't really feel like anyone else can relate to this except maybe this subreddit. Idk.. does anyone else have a similar experience? It sucks that we find it hard to perceive food in the same why as others.
All I want to do...
/u/Precaso
Created: Sun Sep 23 16:33:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9icm89/all_i_want_to_do/
---
I spend the whole working day thinking about, worrying about, and even fantasizing about food. I just want to stop by the store, clean out the entire desert shelf, and send myself to heaven. A heaven that will probably last for under an hour, and then shoot me straight back down to despair. This isn't healthy.
I literally get so excited thinking about food to the point where I will physically giggle, smile, and day dream. I could eat SO MUCH and it thrills me.
How to avoid binging when you get the munchies
/u/lilmdjd [5’3 | CW: 130 | BMI: 23 | LW: 94| - 17| 23F ]
Created: Sun Sep 23 16:32:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iclsh/how_to_avoid_binging_when_you_get_the_munchies/
---
I always had a problem with binging after smoking weed. But today being high just turned on some weird hyperawareness of all the fat on my body and then decided to trigger myself more by looking at old pics of myself at my LW. No interest in food at all.
I'm anorexic, people are complimenting me, and I hate it :(
/u/funnyhappygirl123
Created: Sun Sep 23 16:30:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9icl95/im_anorexic_people_are_complimenting_me_and_i/
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So, brief background: I'm around 5'3.5'', and was around 107 lbs before summer. Now I'm back in school, after summer, almost 20 pounds down (so yea I'm about 86-87 lbs). I'm eating 500 calories a day on an incredibly busy schedule, my nails and lips are literally blue in the morning when I'm cold, and I've been lying left and right to avoid eating with friends or acquaintances. I still care about my appearance though, and I make sure I dress fashionably, in a way that doesn't reveal how prominent my bones are.
​
And I've been getting so many compliments. And I hate it. And the bizarre thing is I *wanted* this at the beginning, but I don't want it anymore. I want concern. I want people to know how sick I am. I don't know what to do, but I just can't stop starving myself :(
low calorie sweet foods?
/u/yknowholic [5'10' | fat | bulimic | female]
Created: Sun Sep 23 16:15:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ich69/low_calorie_sweet_foods/
---
hi friends,
I've been trying to cut down bingeing- ideally to cut down purging in the broad sense because my heart rate and blood pressure have been really bad and I'm also trying to lose weight through restricting (yaaaay). I love to binge and purge sweet and salty food together and I'm looking for something to satiate the sweet cravings? Salty is usually fine bc I can salt some vegetables or whatever but most of the sweet foods I like are insanely caloric and I'm not a fan (big calories = binge, binge = purge).
I've heard low calorie hot chocolate is good but I never really feel full from drinks lol
[Rant/Rave] This week was the slow and steady beginning of a possible descent back into AN, and I don't care.
/u/kpatable [5'9.5" | 135 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Sep 23 16:09:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9icfjz/this_week_was_the_slow_and_steady_beginning_of_a/
---
Last weekend 3 awful things happened all at once, and I guess it was a major ED trigger for me. I'm not, like, truly restricting yet, but I've been significantly below maintenance for the past 7 days, and it's been relatively easy to do so. My true ED diagnosis is usually EDNOS, but I have had two episodes where it turns into AN.
I have no idea how long this will last, and maybe I'll be back to the binge/restrict cycle soon. This is mainly just me venting...
I am aware that my subconscious reason for undereating is because I want to hurt myself, and I want people to see it. Or maybe I just want my mom to see. Idk for sure. But like... My mom doesn't care when I cut myself anymore. She hasn't for a while. But I *know* she would care if I starved myself. She makes me feel powerless, but then expects me to be the opposite. So I guess starving myself to death will be the only way to show her how powerless I really am. Idfk... I highly doubt it will get anywhere near that bad. I just needed to get that out.
[Help] Im a fat fucking bitch and I’ll never be skinny
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | CW: 114 | GW:105 | UGW 100 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 23 16:04:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ice93/im_a_fat_fucking_bitch_and_ill_never_be_skinny/
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I just weighed myself after a weekend of binging. 124. I’m up 10 pounds from what i was like last tuesday. It makes me want to cry. Now I’m even further from my goal weight. I feel so disgusted with myself I never want to eat again. I just want to cleanse my body of all this grossness. I don’t know what to do. I done fucked up. I’m fasting for at least a day now.
[Discussion] Soylent
/u/Coldcoffeepls
Created: Sun Sep 23 15:52:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9icb0p/soylent/
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Has anyone else tried soylent as a meal replacement? What do you think of them, because I was thinking they keep me full for a while (read pretty much the whole day) so they might be good to have around.
[Rant/Rave] Let’s just pop some
/u/ytrew_w
Created: Sun Sep 23 15:52:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9icay5/lets_just_pop_some/
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Norcos yayyyyy. Ate 700 cal when I told myself I was gonna fast & it’s not even THREE PM YET. I’m scared I’m gonna binge later. im going to try to sleep through it :(
Worst fears irl
/u/octopihomie
Created: Sun Sep 23 15:50:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9icag8/worst_fears_irl/
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Mirrors and people commenting on how I look. Common fear, especially those of us here.
Anyway, at the place I volunteer there is a hall of mirrors. I can see myself from every possible angle. I have to go through this hell at least 4 times a day. On this particular day my allergies are tryig to kill me so I've been going about my day with a headache and stuffy nose.
As I walked down this hall with my headache and a not so cherry face a lady and the end yelled,
"You should smile more"
No thanks, let me die now okay.
Hour 36 of a fast, woke up in the middle of the night and ate half a brick of baking chocolate
/u/EDLuke [5'10" | 60kg/132lbs | GW 55kg/120lbs | Bi 20M]
Created: Sun Sep 23 15:50:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9icacx/hour_36_of_a_fast_woke_up_in_the_middle_of_the/
---
It tasted like a literal block of dirt but it was the closest thing to confectionery I had and I just COULDN'T STOP.
I was doing so well, and now I feel like there's a lead weight in my stomach. I;m such a mess
[Rant/Rave] I’m losing my thigh gap
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 95 | 17 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Sun Sep 23 15:49:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ic9x1/im_losing_my_thigh_gap/
---
Someone please grab me and shake me until I stop fucking eating! I used to eat maybe 700-900 calories a day and I lost so much weight and always consistently. I got down to 91lbs and I felt so sick all the time I decided to try maintaining. Apparently there is no maintaining - either I’m restricting and losing weight, or I’m gaining. I’ve been eating between 1,000 and 1,500 calories a day, and burning about 5-600 (I get 20-30,000 steps a day at my new job.) I eat at the end of my shifts but usually go all day without eating beforehand. My weight just keeps going up. Last night it was 101...this morning it was 99.8....and I can see huge differences. My torso is fat. I don’t have that hourglass look. I have extra stomach fat. And before, if I put my feet together the only place that would touch on my legs was my knees....today I noticed the smallest part of my fattest part of thigh touching again. I want to crawl into a hole. I’m so sick right now and I want to eat but I’m terrified, apparently if I eat any more than 800 calories a day for longer than I day or two I just gain weight and I don’t understand it. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck :( I’m so disgusting and disappointed in myself. Why can’t I just stop eating again
[Help] Everyday is a “bad” day.
/u/hollowedheart_
Created: Sun Sep 23 15:40:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ic7kd/everyday_is_a_bad_day/
---
The past month has easily been one of the most difficult months in my life. My anorexia is at its worst. I have extreme negative, self destructive thoughts and I have “freakout” days when I harm myself (bruising my legs, cutting) bc I hate myself so much. My family can’t handle the way I live anymore and how I’m destroying the family. I workout like crazy and feel bad if I eat 100 calories (still binge though a lot) My body dysmorphia is at an all time high and it’s gotten so bad where everyday my mind is obsessing and obsessing over how fat I look. The more I lose (even though I don’t weigh myself-too scared) the more I feel fatter. My mind just won’t stop. My brother has said I look “too thin” but I just can’t see it AT ALL. Please someone I need encouragement because all I want to do is end it all at times. I need logic- I used to be this logical, factual, scientific-minded individual and now she’s completely gone.
My brother keeps saying your body is AT LEAST burning 1,000 calories a day so if you eat 800-900 it’s gone. But my mind obsessed over numbers, etc.
Thank you for even reading this. It seems so dark right now and all I feel is guilt.
[Other] My weird and expensive restricting habit...
/u/edthrowaway12121
Created: Sun Sep 23 15:28:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ic4bx/my_weird_and_expensive_restricting_habit/
---
So I rarely eat whole meals or real foods when I’m restricting since I hate cooking and find packaged foods just so much easier to keep track of. But the irony is, when I do eat a real meal, it HAS to be ordered from a nice restaurant.
I have safe meals: most Vietnamese dishes as long as they aren’t rice based, salads of various kinds from organic eateries, tofu bowls, no grain burrito bowls, etc. The biggest downsides are that they’re basically always expensive (I only order pure cheap junk when I’m in binge mode) and that I don’t know the calories for most of them since they’re local.
I’ll live on coffee all day and then order a meal, nearly 4 times a week. In my head I feel like I do this because growing up, I’d always watch those reality tv shows with skinny objectively hot women like real housewives, girls next door, the hills etc and watch them basically eat out every night and have the same type of thing like a big salad and whatnot. I still watch those shows and take note.
Another possible reason is I feel like if I waste $15 on a ‘healthy’ OMAD I won’t be compelled to spend $10 on a ton of binge food. And even then, sometimes I cave when I’m home at night alone. :(
ECA stacking question
/u/problemproblem420 [5'6'' | 119 | 19.2 | 19F]
Created: Sun Sep 23 15:26:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ic3ma/eca_stacking_question/
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Is drinking a cup or 2 of coffee sufficient for the "c"?
[Discussion] Diet subs have completely lost their appeal to me.
/u/RosenWeiss9 [5'3.5 | CW 116 | GW 104 | LW 107 | F26]
Created: Sun Sep 23 15:06:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iby05/diet_subs_have_completely_lost_their_appeal_to_me/
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Anyone else used to browse diet and low-calorie subs but feel totally alienated by them now? Its like I know how to eat/cook low calorie its just a matter of making myself comply/surviving until I feel better about myself.
I also hate how they're filled with smug superiority and overly positive. Everyone knows not eating 12 cans of Pringles per day sucks, stop pretending you're happy about it.
Also, I hate that I used to be one of them.
[Rant/Rave] I tried
/u/asiaticlily [5’10 | 134.4 | 19 | -47 lbs | F22]
Created: Sun Sep 23 14:52:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ibts3/i_tried/
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I tried to not count calories, and not care about what I ate for a few days...annnnnd I’m 137 pounds now. So yeah, back to restricting. My stomach is growling, and it makes me feel happy to know that I’ll get back to 134 soon. Yikes. Is it weird to feel euphoric off of the hunger?
Can someone tell me I'm not a bad person for throwing away bread?
/u/Call_me_Cassius [5'5" | CW: 🐖 | GW: 98lb | -45lb | M21]
Created: Sun Sep 23 14:42:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ibqtn/can_someone_tell_me_im_not_a_bad_person_for/
---
I guess I'm looking for reassurance. I've been in binge mode for most of September. Bread and peanut butter are my ultimate binge foods and I've just had so much of both. Last night I went to Walmart for diet coke and ended up getting two bags of rolls and three loaves of bread from the clearance for $3. I ate one of the bags of rolls literally in the car on the way home. I've eaten most of the second one already today, and I've only been up a couple hours.
I regret buying this bread. I don't want to eat all of it, I certainly don't want to eat all of it within just a day or two. I want to get rid of it. I want to stop myself, and the only way I can do that is by throwing it away.
But it's a lot of bread. Three whole loaves! I can't shake the feeling that I'm a bad person, that I'm privileged and wasteful for buying so much bread and just throwing it away. That if I didn't want to eat it I shouldn't have bought it, and since I did buy it now I have to eat it.
I hope this is okay to post. Just, can someone reassure me that I'm not a monster for trying to get rid of a binge food? And if I am, help me figure out what else I could do with this bread?
[Help] Lowcal food high in iron?
/u/ilonacamille [162cm | Whale | -12.6lbs | F]
Created: Sun Sep 23 14:12:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ibhus/lowcal_food_high_in_iron/
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Hi everyone
I'm going to donate blood on Tuesday. However, I'm a vegetarian (11 years so far woohoo) but my iron levels were too low last time. I know spinach is supposed to be high in iron but are there any other options? Will those electrolytes drinks help me?
[Discussion] Peach buddies?
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | CW: 114 | GW:105 | UGW 100 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 23 13:44:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ib9cm/peach_buddies/
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[removed]
I don't want to recover
/u/unsureofwhatiwant_ag
Created: Sun Sep 23 13:30:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ib59y/i_dont_want_to_recover/
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At the beginning, I did. I worked hard to try to pull myself out of my habits. But I've been losing weight, and I like it a lot. I don't want to go to a therapist or nutritionist who will make me eat more and possibly gain back the weight. Logically, I know I am not in control of this situation at all, but I honestly, truly feel like I am. My two friends who know the details of my issues think that it's worse than it is and keep trying to make me get help. I kind of want to lie to them and pretend I am, even though it kills me to do that, I think I will have to. I refuse to gain back the weight. I need to lose more. I need to stay away from the freshman 15. I think about food all the time. If I lose just a little more weight, then I'll be okay, and I will be able to go back to normal and healthy, right?
[Rant/Rave] I’m doing so much better mentally!
/u/Annewellmorrel [18F|SW100kg|UGW50kg|5’6]
Created: Sun Sep 23 13:24:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ib3ii/im_doing_so_much_better_mentally/
---
Wanna record how far I’ve come. I still restrict when I’m stressed, but things are going amazingly well. I’ve been suffering with BED as well as restrictive tendencies for over 5 years now, so I’m just throwing stuff at a wall to see what sticks, really. No judgement, please.
-> I no longer think about food and body image constantly
-> I am no longer postponing life until I reach my GW
-> I’ve only a kg left to lose before I’m overweight instead of obese
-> I no longer have an issue with eating things I don’t know the calories of [most days]
-> I no longer spend hours watching Supersize vs Superskinny/My 600 Lb Life/ Secret Eaters.
-> My memory is, like, amazing now! I recall things from French that I learned 3 years ago easily.
-> I developed an unhealthy passion for diet cola 3 years ago, but I’ve been drinking less of it without meaning to! Water all the way.
-> Whenever I meet someone for the first time, my focus is no longer on their body size.
-> When I walk/exercise, I don’t do it in order to burn calories. I often even find myself enjoying it!
I would also like to:
• stop counting calories after reaching & maintaining GW
• Do 100 days binge-free (almost a month in the bag)
• do more exercise and start going to the gym
What I want for my 22nd birthday
/u/wolfhitler
Created: Sun Sep 23 13:20:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ib25g/what_i_want_for_my_22nd_birthday/
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To be 21 again.
Fuck me, I feel like I've wasted all my youth being obsessed with my weight =/
What my ED looks like (pic)
/u/Throwaway17898753 [5'11" | CW 171 | GW 175 | -101 | 35M]
Created: Sun Sep 23 13:18:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ib1ml/what_my_ed_looks_like_pic/
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Strange thing is, no matter which shirt I wear, I feel the same.
https://imgur.com/a/vTuzXny
I fit into size small shorts!!
/u/Raiiinboe
Created: Sun Sep 23 13:17:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ib1gc/i_fit_into_size_small_shorts/
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And they are even a bit loose!
I bought them like a year ago and they were so tight everywhere. But now they fit!!!
[Other] Down we go again!
/u/ScreamAndScream
Created: Sun Sep 23 13:15:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ib0sw/down_we_go_again/
---
https://i.redd.it/tjvz903mf1o11.jpg
[Discussion] What to eat with cucumber?
/u/littlestpeach [5'7 | CW 118? | 20F]
Created: Sun Sep 23 12:47:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iasn9/what_to_eat_with_cucumber/
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What are some seasonings/dips/toppings/combination ideas that can give plain cucumber more flavor? It’s great on its own, but what are some ways you guys eat cucumber?
For example, some people add a little salt and vinegar to them to sort of mimic salt and vinegar chips, or eating cucumber with a wedge of laughing cow cheese, etc
[Discussion] Does anyone else not count calories explicitly
/u/AbjectRepresentative [Height | CW | BMI | Weight Lost | Gender]
Created: Sun Sep 23 12:44:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iarpt/does_anyone_else_not_count_calories_explicitly/
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I've been the spreadsheet-style perfect calorie counter in the past, but my more recent method that has worked (because it really is just cico) is just not eating meals. I'll have a skim iced coffee and a light dressed, no other toppings but veg salad, maybe a fiber one 90 calorie bar, and a literal bite of something for dinner, another snack, or if I'm really hungry, a 1200isplenty sized meal (300-400 cal). It doesn't add up to over 1200, or if it's a little higher, the low days balance it out. I don't mindlessly snack. I do read calotie labels, but I don't track them unless I get anxious about intake and impulsively write everything down. I'm probably malnourished (read:I'm definitely malnourished) but it works. I lose weight. It's bad because I don't consciously think of this as an ED unless I will myself to. I just think I "eat like a bird" and naturally need to be underweight/dont need a lot of food (or deserve it) which is what I tell people. But when I'm alone I'm very aware how much I'm killing myself (and I don't care because I'm not a very useful person and think it would be best if I died)
finally confessed
/u/aeonamare [5'6| 156.4 | 25.2 | -58.6 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 23 12:30:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ian9k/finally_confessed/
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Told my boyfriend a couple days ago that I was back to my ED ways and I'm grumpy because I haven't eaten more than 300 calories every day, and he's been understanding but trying to help me at the same time.
​
This morning, he asked me to bring him breakfast to work and ordered double what he normally did - and he sat in the parking lot with me while he ate forcing me to take a few bites of his breakfast just to make him feel better that I ate something today. Makes me feel better that someone cares, and just understands that I'm not ready to recover yet.
[Discussion] A lil bit nsfw but stay with me, it's a ride
/u/landfill7707 [5'3| 101 | 17.9| 19F]
Created: Sun Sep 23 12:17:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iajcj/a_lil_bit_nsfw_but_stay_with_me_its_a_ride/
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Oh-so-healthy me has been on a nice binge-purge-restrict cycle for the last month because my body is a temple and I give it the love it deserves. Last night, I went to a party and ended up making out with a guy (he was kinda cute and I'm a hoe when I'm drunk, sue me) and he was feelin me up and all and couldn't stop complimenting my body and telling me how good I looked. Y'all. I'm not one to feed off of compliments but so many people commented on how "toned" I look (thanks, compulsive sit ups in bed every night when my roommate's asleep) and now I'm full of myself and think I'm hot shit.
In conclusion, I'm hopped up on caffeine + a serious restricting high right now and it's so good to feel progress and I just wanted to share. Revel with me, friends.
[Discussion] Did anyone else ever have a friend with whom they shared an ED?
/u/KhomaBrutI [5'6" | CW: 150 | GW: 110 | HW: 160 | 24F]
Created: Sun Sep 23 12:02:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9iaeww/did_anyone_else_ever_have_a_friend_with_whom_they/
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This all started back in third grade. I had a friend who was stick thin, while I've always been a bit more muscular/athletic. But she and I had the same behaviors--we would compare not eating at lunch; when we did eat, it would be a mint chocolate energy bar (Pria for me, Promax for her, sometimes Clif or Luna). We would count the bones on our wrists and see whose were more prominent. We would fold our arms and tuck them under our ribs.
Looking back, it seems fucked up that a couple of eight-year-olds were doing this, also I kind of see that we weren't *really* friends (she herself used to say "I'm not your friend, I'm your rival." She also used to make fun of me. A lot). But she was the only "friend" I had, and I took what I could get.
I miss being able to tuck my arms under my ribs. This bingeing only started when I was extremely isolated, and I really have no friends. I'm convinced that if I weren't socially crippled and had friends, I'd be thin like I was before.
[Discussion] DAE have their life “on hold” until they reach their UGW?
/u/jewishtemptress
Created: Sun Sep 23 11:36:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ia7f9/dae_have_their_life_on_hold_until_they_reach/
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I have ~66 lbs to lose until I hit my UGW. Until then, I’m just putting *everything* in my life on hold.
My boyfriend and I are talking about getting married. We’re both pretty excited about it, but we agreed to wait until 2025. In a twisted way, I’m excited because I’ll definitely be at my UGW by then. I have it so deeply rooted into my head that if I’m thinner, I’m going to enjoy [x] a lot more, which is good enough to not enjoy it *now.*
[Discussion] DAE overeat/binge but still have "fear foods" related to calories?
/u/throwawaysilentcurt [5'5"|CW:127ish|HW:200|GW:110|20M]
Created: Sun Sep 23 11:18:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ia28u/dae_overeatbinge_but_still_have_fear_foods/
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I have days where I can't stop eating- I won't call it bingeing because it is more like just obsession and inability to stop thinking about food for a second/eating throughout a day, not in a short period (I binge too sometimes, like up to 8000 calories in a few hours, but that's another story).
And even though I'm consuming so many calories I still could never eat some things. I can eat like 1500 calories of assorted stuff from my kitchen but I'd probably cry if I had to eat a spoon of nutella or real peanut butter.
I will eat several bowls of cereal with light unsweetened almond milk but would freak out if there was a tablespoon of whole milk in my tea.
I always put splenda in my coffee instead of sugar which probably saves like 15-20 calories, I would NEVER put sugar in my coffee, but then I'l impulsively eat toast or something with the coffee, which is obviously way more than what I save from sugar.
In general I'm much more likely to eat 500 calories of a bunch of low calorie things than one 200 calorie snack. I can not handle the idea of a protein bar because it's so dense.
It's all so crazy and irrational, but maybe I'd be even fatter if I had no rules at all, who knows.
i suffered six years from an ed now i make happy healthy (and a bit sarcastic) videos about what i eat in a day
/u/ikbenlynne
Created: Sun Sep 23 11:18:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ia26b/i_suffered_six_years_from_an_ed_now_i_make_happy/
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https://youtu.be/Sr17DKRRV2E
[Discussion] Today I cried while driving and listening to Katy Perry’s song Roar
/u/Shewantstolive
Created: Sun Sep 23 11:18:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ia1ze/today_i_cried_while_driving_and_listening_to_katy/
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So I don’t know what came over me but I was driving to go get supplies so I could make my family a fancy Sunday breakfast at the store , all well knowing I wasn’t going to eat any of it and that song came on and I cranked it up and cried because it’s about battling people or mind sets that keep you down and winning. I related to it in a negative way I guess as in I’m gonna keep restricting and fight to be thin because I want it so bad but also it’s so hard and makes me sad inside that I can’t just fucking be normal and eat breakfast with my family. Idk maybe I’m just a weirdo . Anyone else cry at songs or just cry because they have an ed ?
[Rant/Rave] diet root beer why do you make me so bloated
/u/psybeams [5'4” | 17f | cw : 110 | gw : 100 | bmi : 18.9]
Created: Sun Sep 23 11:08:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i9z6l/diet_root_beer_why_do_you_make_me_so_bloated/
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props for keeping the hunger away but man do i look gross lmfao...anyone have tips for bloating or nah
[Rant/Rave] Preparing to hate myself once the weekend ends
/u/ytrew_w
Created: Sun Sep 23 11:01:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i9x5m/preparing_to_hate_myself_once_the_weekend_ends/
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I had a lot going on this weekend making it impossible to restrict my usual limit... I know I ate at maintenance maybe a little over I dont know. But Monday comes I’m restricting like usual & im already preparing myself for the hatred I’m gonna feel towards myself & my body bc I fucked up this whole weekend smh.
[Rant/Rave] back to reality
/u/arthroego
Created: Sun Sep 23 10:59:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i9wk7/back_to_reality/
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this is going to be straight up a mess of a post bc imr anting and im just so fucking hurt and feel so ugly and disgusting and idk.
god. hit 145 (was 163 august 25th), got a new cute shirt as a reward. made the mistake of getting a little confident, wore it out. hung out with my very pretty very thin friend, ate way too fucking much, above maintenance to be social... even just saying to be social feels like a fucking excuse, i couldve stopped nyself, or gotten something lower cal, or just not eaten but No. i got cocky and felt like i worked hard and deserved bar food and pizza lol.
posted a selfie on my story with my friend. five guys ive slept with replied to it being like "whats her snap/ig shes really hot." these are all guys that have ghosted me or breadcrumbed me. like great im not worth replying to in a "hey are u free tn" text but they see a hot girl and yep they have time to reply. im honestly so hurt and ive realized no matter what i do with my appearance its just lipstick on a fucking pig. im embarrassed this made me spiral so much but its literally because im just fat and unattractive. and my friend kept trying to comfort me and was being like "thats just shitty, ignore it" "you need to derive value in yourself from something other than your appearance" "you'll find guys who are crazy about you and wont disrespect you like that" etc etc and i just got so irrationally pissed. like of course You could say that, youre conventionally extremely attractive and your bmis like 18. and i was just so fucking mad, not at my friend, but i still really wanted to lash out at her bc of this like jesus christ what is wrong with me lol but now i cant even look at myself in the mirror im so disgusted. all that eating wasnt even fucking worth it and im afraid to go step on the scale and see what it did, but im going to smoke a bowl, do it, survey the damage, make a pot of coffee, and live off that for the next two days so i can punish myself for being so cocky to even think it was actually personal shit and the excuses guys give me that was the reason they dont want to talk to me. like, nah, im just ugly and available and easy and thats why they'll sleep with me. im stupid for thinking theyd ever want to see me more than once or be seen in public with me. 99% sure im part of the frat challenges to sleep with the fattest/ugliest girl they can find lmao. bc look at me. broad shoulders, no hips, beer belly, bingo wings, double chin, huge forehead, stubby man hands, weird face, frizzy hair. its me. i cant fix my face, but ill fix my body. or just kill it. look how you made me suffer.
so petty and so fucked and im mad at myself that they had to bring my best friend into this like i KNOW im the ugly one and im usually a peace with it but fuck, every once and a while something like this happens and i just cant. i just cant. and i cant even complain to my friends about this bc it turns into the whole "youre not fat!" "youre not ugly!" thing like of course great my friends are willing to lie to me too like i dont have empirical evidence this is true lol. sorry this is incoherent and dumb i just want to fucking die and/or hit 99 lbs and then i dont even know what i still wont want to go out in public bc i cant fix my face, maybe get a nose job and forehead reduction and just live in the woods as a hermit bc i cannot stand people looking at me any more. ugh. ugh. UGHHHHHH.
body dysmorphia weirdness
/u/xlilgirlpoptartx [5'7 | CW: 205 | SW: 245 | GW:135 | F/37]
Created: Sun Sep 23 10:56:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i9vlm/body_dysmorphia_weirdness/
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When I was at my heaviest, I had a hard time pinpointing my size, and also I was in a shit ton of denial, so like if I *could* squeeze into a stretchy large pair of pants, I would, even though a 2 or 3x would clearly have fit nicer and not made me look like such an awkward weirdo. But hey at least I could say I was wearing a large!
And now that I'm 40 pounds lighter I keep staring at my body and all I see is all the fat, even comparing pics from then to now is hard....1 because i hated taking pics of myself, because it forced me to confront how big I had gotten, and 2 i just hate how i look in general, don't know that i will ever consider myself attractive no matter how thin I manage to get.
but anyway the one time i notice a different is laying in bed and seeing how much less of a belly there is so i can actually comfortable rest my hands on my stomach.
I just wish that I could see how loose my clothes are, but because I was so messed up then, now my clothes are just starting to fit instead and that for some reason depresses me even more instead of being a good thing.
maybe taking more pics would help but right now the thought of it is like eww, that looks about the same as before, even though a few people have commented how much thinner my face looks, and people probably generally appreciate that the skin tight leggings i used to force myself into now appear to be made for the size I am at now. (or getting close to it)
not even sure there was a point to all this rambling but, thanks for listening anyway
My boyfriend
/u/elliewulfy
Created: Sun Sep 23 10:52:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i9uj5/my_boyfriend/
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He was kissing me and pulled away to say I was sexy despite my body being out of shape. He could tell it hurt my feelings, but he doesn’t know that I now think about it every time I look in the mirror.
Fucking hell.
I’m back, bitches.
[Rant/Rave] i am so jealous of my boyfriend
/u/itsaani [Height | CW | BMI | Weight Lost | Gender]
Created: Sun Sep 23 10:44:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i9s2y/i_am_so_jealous_of_my_boyfriend/
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my boyfriend has got the most beautiful, slender body i’ve ever seen. i constantly tell him how pretty he is, but it also sometimes triggers me so much
my boyfriend is 187cm, and is 55kg which is underweight for his height but he tries to bring his weight up but it wont budge. and im 158cm and 67 kg (overweight) and would kill to switch place w my boyfriend
i love him to pieces but i often struggle w feeling beautiful and thin enough (both things i am not) for him
Ugh
/u/SinfulCinnamon
Created: Sun Sep 23 10:42:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i9rmv/ugh/
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I was working on recovery for a decent amount of time. Like 3 months I think. It was fine. I enjoyed eating again but recently couldn’t shake the voice telling me I’m disgusting and shouldn’t eat as much as I was. Now I’m realizing I’m not as thin as I’d like to be.. so wanted to lose weight in a “healthy” way.. running at the gym but not overdoing it. Meal prepping. Whatever. The more I’m looking at myself and not being as small as I want to be I’m falling back into disordered thinking and habits. I don’t want to be like this. But it’s either binge eat all the food and get fat. Or eat damn near nothing and telling myself that’s what it takes to get thin. Why can’t I find a fucking middle ground and live a balanced life with healthy food and eat intuitively. It’s a process. And idk why I can’t just get it together. I recently moved across the country and people here are starting to catch on to my bullshit.. do I use my tricks so hide my shit (which would make this all real again for me) or try and balance myself to live the way I wish I could. Fuck
Has anyone here reached their low weight through high restriction (i.e. 1000-1200 calories)? How long did it take?
/u/chrysanthemym [🌻 she/her | cw: 134 | gw: 115 | vegan 🌻]
Created: Sun Sep 23 10:33:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i9p19/has_anyone_here_reached_their_low_weight_through/
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DAE get really mad when they use the bathroom more than expected?
/u/ffj_ [5'5" | way too much | ridiculous | -18 | F | UGW: 77.2]
Created: Sun Sep 23 10:22:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i9lyc/dae_get_really_mad_when_they_use_the_bathroom/
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Like "I didn't even eat that much why am I pooping" or "I barely drank anything why have I peed 4x today" it's really irritating to me.
I'm going inpatient this week.
/u/elevenosix__ [158 cm| 44kg | 17 | 10kg | F]
Created: Sun Sep 23 09:42:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i9amg/im_going_inpatient_this_week/
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I'm angry. Frustrated, sad, disappointed and terrified. I feel like im not sick enough to go IP but at the same time i cant wait to finally recover.
I'm so so scared
Any advice or something?
I’m relapsing, vaguely exciting and deeply terrifying.
/u/alwaysrelapsing17
Created: Sun Sep 23 09:26:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i964m/im_relapsing_vaguely_exciting_and_deeply/
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I gained a bunch of weight and I cannot wait to shed it and be underweight again so I can show everyone who fucked me over how badly they hurt me but how much more thin and beautiful I am despite it all.
I’m so fucked up, time to slowly kill myself and plaster on a zero-calorie smile as I do it!
[Help] Lost weight after binge???
/u/gjvthcrshnu
Created: Sun Sep 23 09:23:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i95hm/lost_weight_after_binge/
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My weight has been fluctuating between 178 and 182 after a 30 pound weight loss. Anyway, I had an anxiety-depression episode over the weekend and binged on like a full size bag of takis, doritios ,and ice cream. Imagine my suprise when I stepped on the scale and it read 175lbs. Did I just fucking loose weight from binging????
[Discussion] Any tips for fatigue
/u/sstephenn [Recovering 5'10 | 126.2/57.2 | 18.1 | -60/27.2 | Male ]
Created: Sun Sep 23 08:56:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i8y59/any_tips_for_fatigue/
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I’m tired all of the time do you guys have any tips. I mean caffeine helps a little, but it just makes me feel anxious. I just feel like it’s too much work to hold my head up. Thank u.
[Rant/Rave] DAE Feel like if they wake up late, that they haven't burnt enough calories to eat anything for the day, and just want to fast?
/u/HungryThrowMeAway [🌹4'11 | CW 91-90 lbs | GW 85 lbs | -35 lbs | F🌹]
Created: Sun Sep 23 08:48:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i8vxj/dae_feel_like_if_they_wake_up_late_that_they/
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I'm asking because I just woke up at 11:44 AM, and the only things I want to eat are a litre of Pepsi Max and a hand grenade (my breakfast plans are pretty bomb, I know).
​
For some reason, I just feel like whenever I'm up late, that my body hasn't burnt enough calories to justify dinner, or my morning almond milk. Wondering if anyone else can relate.
[Help] Prozac?
/u/croutonsatan
Created: Sun Sep 23 08:44:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i8ux1/prozac/
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I’m starting prozac today. Does anyone have any experience with weight gain as a side effect? I’ve been losing pretty steadily the past month and would really like to not fuck it up.
Those of you who smoke weed... how do you not feel guilty (about food)?
/u/CorrithLavellan [6'0" | 181.8 lb | 24.66/23.70 | -19.4 | 21F]
Created: Sun Sep 23 08:39:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i8tot/those_of_you_who_smoke_weed_how_do_you_not_feel/
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When I smoke weed I become an uncontrollable eating machine.
I was high enough that I basically couldnt move from my chair. My boyfriend gave me some homemade ravioli before he left for work and I became that usual binge monster.
I ate so much absolute shit... I distinctly remember grabbing a pint of ice cream and some whipped cream from the fridge and I went to get back in bed to eat and I almost had an out of body experience... saw a tubby, fat little monster rolling into bed to scarf up that ice cream. And I felt terrible. I stared at the ice cream for what felt like an hour (probably less than 5 minutes) before returning it. My high ED brain then proceeded to make me feel horrible about everything I ate. I realized I was starting to spiral and managed to distract myself but I was so close to having a breakdown...
I've done this once before (also high) while in the middle of eating a cookie and ended up having a panic attack infront of my boyfriend about how much I ate. I remember having the same sort of out of body experience when I saw a fat round ugly girl sobbing on the bed while her boyfriend laid over her huge frame trying to comfort her. I probably hyperventilated and cried for an actual hour while he tried to calm me down because I couldnt get that image out of my head.
I guess my question is how do you either not eat while high or how do you not feel like garbage about it. I feel like shit about myself on a daily basis, but when I'm high I get next level distress about my body...
[Discussion] Tell me your twisted ED logic
/u/subtleskeleton
Created: Sun Sep 23 08:28:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i8qre/tell_me_your_twisted_ed_logic/
---
I’m seeing a friend later today and she wants to go to lunch but doesn’t know where. So I’m freaking out.
I got home from a weekend sleepover around 10 with nothing in my system by coffee. I legit looked at the clock and said ‘oh there’s no point in eating breakfast; I’m gonna eat lunch in like 4 hours.’
4 hours, ya’ll. Like the space most humans have between breakfast and lunch, and lunch and dinner.
So tell me about your twisted ED logic, and the thoughts you think that no other human in their right mind would think.
[Rant/Rave] Sometimes wish I had someone I could talk about food with
/u/ameliasophia [5'3 | 108 | 19.1 |7 lbs |GW:90|UGW :80 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 23 08:21:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i8p4u/sometimes_wish_i_had_someone_i_could_talk_about/
---
I am obsessed with food. I spend all day watching mukbangs and binges on youtube or repeats of Secret Eaters or Supersize vs Superskinny.
I think about food all day - the food I will eat on \[x\] day (3 months in the future!) that i have assigned to being a day where I'm allowed to eat something.
But worst of all, food is all I want to talk about. I've just moved to Singapore for 3 months and my boyfriend is back in England and when we message I only want to talk about food and I make him send me pictures of everything he eats so I can imagine eating it.
The problem is, I know it's boring for other people to talk about food and I know that it makes it suspicious that I am doing this again. Being away from everyone I know this is the first time in a very long time where I have had full control over how much I can restrict. I've never lost weight this quickly being around my family or my boyfriend.
​
I just wish I could talk about food with someone as obsessed as I am so that I don't end up talking about it with the people who will know what I'm doing and will want to stop me.
[Rant/Rave] Mirrors... U succ
/u/BigFrameSkinnyAddict
Created: Sun Sep 23 08:19:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i8oiw/mirrors_u_succ/
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So at my house our mirrors are very high up so I cant see my full body... Plus the lighting is shit... And it makes me look huge. I'm at my cousins and she has a full length mirror, and their bathroom mirror is wide with lots of great lighting, and I look skinny asf I never want to leave... I know when I go back home and i look in the mirror I'm gonna hate myself again
I feel and look no different (starting weight: 167.8 - current: 144.6)
/u/kaereddit
Created: Sun Sep 23 07:52:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i8i3h/i_feel_and_look_no_different_starting_weight_1678/
---
https://i.redd.it/d8rlmhv2uzn11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] When you know better, but do stupid ED things anyway
/u/NeutralSmithHotel [6'1.4 | CW: 179 | BMI: 23.4 | Weight Lost: -191| M]
Created: Sun Sep 23 07:11:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i8937/when_you_know_better_but_do_stupid_ed_things/
---
So I started recovery this week and I ate a bunch of calories on Monday-Friday (averaged 3000 per day... super super scary). They are still letting me workout, so this should still be at about maintenance for me or possibly a smidge over. So what did I do? I weighed myself Friday. I had "gained" 10 lbs... now if someone else posted this I'd say "Oh it's just water weight". I was convinced I had already gotten super fat... Anyway, so I restricted yesterday and drank a bunch of water... now I'm only up 2lbs. from where I started. Why is this so hard...
Just a reminder that it's easy to be kind to others and give them smart advice... but so much harder to do this for yourself.
[Tip] A good motivator for this next month
/u/orthoreXXX [23F | 5’4” | cw 112 | gw 105 | bmi 19.6]
Created: Sun Sep 23 06:49:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i84le/a_good_motivator_for_this_next_month/
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I bought a skin tight Halloween costume and now I’m extra motivated to restrict because I’ve already told everyone what I’m going as so now I literally have to wear it!
Side note: what are yall being for Halloween?
[Other] "no don't worry, I just at some of this!"
/u/carrots084 [75in. | 130lbs | 15.3 | 10lbs | Female]
Created: Sun Sep 23 06:33:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i81le/no_dont_worry_i_just_at_some_of_this/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/surrealmemes/comments/9i1e21/try_it_now/
Which Miracle Noodles type do you recommend?
/u/subarremos [5'3 | CW: 99 | GW: 88]
Created: Sun Sep 23 06:20:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i7z5m/which_miracle_noodles_type_do_you_recommend/
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I want to buy Miracle Noodles, but they are pretty expensive in my country and I wanted to know whats your favourite one? (Black, garlic, etc)
[Help] EC Stacking Ephedrine Question
/u/-honey-bunny-
Created: Sun Sep 23 06:14:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i7xzq/ec_stacking_ephedrine_question/
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So i’ve been trying to start EC stacking and every guide i’ve been seeing talking about using Bronkaid. I’m in canada so i can only get ephedrine HCL and am not sure if the dosages are different. Can someone help me out?? :(
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! September 23, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Sep 23 06:11:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i7xfb/daily_food_diary_september_23_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for September 23, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
Sunday: Share your latest grocery+food hauls!
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Sep 23 06:11:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i7xdb/sunday_share_your_latest_groceryfood_hauls/
---
Feel welcome to post pics of your latest and greatest hauls~! Consider adding commentary on:
* what country you're in
* what store, site, market or Co-op you shopped at
* how much you spent or any sweet deals you found
[Rant/Rave] holding myself accountable
/u/justprettyconfused [5'4 | CW: 113 | GW: 100?? | 19F]
Created: Sun Sep 23 05:42:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i7s6p/holding_myself_accountable/
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just like the title says, i’m making this post to hold myself accountable. i got back to college a month ago and have been stuck in a horrible binge cycle, definitely amplified by all the binge drinking that comes with the first few weeks of school. my bronkaid just came in the mail and i’m starting EC stacking this morning. i’m going to get back on the wagon and lose the weight i gained and then some. i’ll make a post about my first experiences with EC stacking soon. as always, thanks to all of you lovely people for being so helpful 💕
[Other] started setting reminders on my phone and they're v helpful/calming/motivational???
/u/lightningmcqueef69 [5'5.5" | 114.6lbs | 18.78 | 18 | enby 💛]
Created: Sun Sep 23 05:18:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i7o5i/started_setting_reminders_on_my_phone_and_theyre/
---
https://i.redd.it/mdmhg9yk2zn11.png
How accurate is fitbits calories burned?
/u/PizzaCutter
Created: Sun Sep 23 04:52:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i7k0k/how_accurate_is_fitbits_calories_burned/
---
So I've had a fitbit for two weeks now and I've noticed that it's telling me that I'm burning like 1800-2000 cals each day!
I'm 5'4" and 102lbs. Is this actually right?
I'm doing upwards of 10000 steps a day though so maybe?
My goal was 100lbs. I'm so close, but I'm trying to do the last bit slower and stop restricting as much (trying to get better), but it feels like sooo much food! I'm sticking to under 1200 though just to be safe.
I'm just not ready to gain yet.
[Goal] Getting Serious
/u/Personal102 [17M | GW:130 | H: 6'0"| CW:160 | ]
Created: Sun Sep 23 04:37:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i7hod/getting_serious/
---
I'm taking it to the next level. Sorry for the long read but I felt inclined to share, and anyone is free to join my anti binge, anti bullshit, get skinny fast brigade.
Starting this week I am getting serious. No more binging, no more bullshit. I plan on fasting Mondays and Thursdays but I live with my parents and if they make me eat dinner, I'll eat dinner to avoid suspicion. I should be able to fast 2 days so I will do that whenever possible, maybe even fast more.
In another attempt to deceit even more I will start buying bread, peanut butter, and bananas. I will make 2 peanut butter and banana sandwiches, and throw then out every day. I will buy the cheapest bread and peanut butter as that will make me feel better about tossing it out, even though deep down I will be hurting for doing this.
On Sundays I will have a "refeed day". I will do this for three reasons. Reason number one is mental health as I will be able to eat foods I'm craving on these days, most of my foods will be nutrient dense however (I'm scared of nutrient deficiency). Another reason is I can go out and be a "normal teen". If I want to hang out with my friends. It will create an illusion of normality, as I was always the friend who could eat pounds of food (exercise bulimia, but that's another story) The final reason is to keep my metabolism up, and hopefully get a whoosh. I've read a lot of posts of people here who ate at their TDEE or above, and lost weight the next day. I get so jealous and I want a whoosh too, and I'll get my fucking whoosh.
No more bullshit guys, no more posts about regretting a binge. I'm so motivated. Thanks for reading. If anyone has more tips for me, please let me know.
Not gonna allow myself a mistake for 7 days.
/u/ViceroyInTheMorning [5'5'' | CW ☹️ | BMI 👹 | 9 lbs to next GW | F 20]
Created: Sun Sep 23 04:17:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i7esy/not_gonna_allow_myself_a_mistake_for_7_days/
---
In 7 days I’ll get the keys for my new flat and I’m gonna meet my two roommates for the first time. I’m so scared that I’m gonna be the fattest one and they’ll hate me so I’m gonna stick to 500 calories a day till I meet them at least. I’ve been sort of in recovery for the past months but hello again, I guess lmao. I‘ve never gone 7 days of low restriction without b/p but I really don’t want to get into purging again, so no mistakes allowed and I know I can do this!
[Rant/Rave] I don’t get it
/u/boyyoufateatsalad
Created: Sun Sep 23 03:37:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i78u0/i_dont_get_it/
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I’m 120lbs (trying to get to 95) and I LOOK LIKE I HAVE A GODDAMN BEER BELLY 😭 I try everything to get rid of this stomach that makes me look 8 months pregnant but it just won’t go away lol I feel like I’ll never be able to wear the clothes I want without people looking at my stomach.
[Rant/Rave] Addicted to carbs
/u/VioletVendetta06
Created: Sun Sep 23 03:34:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i78fu/addicted_to_carbs/
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Carbs are my enemy!!! They make me break my restrictions every single time. Cakes, breads, sweets, pastas, fruit, are seriously like the best foods and yet they are the highest calorie foods>://
I work in a grocery store and every time I go by the bakery I want to buy so many things lmao
the OTHER monsters
/u/wordsandwoods
Created: Sun Sep 23 03:04:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i73y7/the_other_monsters/
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so curious. what are your relationships with drugs?
[Help] Hey!:)
/u/boyyoufateatsalad
Created: Sun Sep 23 03:03:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i73v1/hey/
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does restricting your calories to 100-200 a day make you lose more weight than not eating or is it the other way around?
[Goal] I don’t want to go to school unless I have lost 5 pounds
/u/dickslappernohomo
Created: Sun Sep 23 03:00:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i73e3/i_dont_want_to_go_to_school_unless_i_have_lost_5/
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I have to go to school tomorrow, and I don’t want to go. I have for sure gained weight since last time I showed up(which was 4 days ago). I hate my flappy arms and my soft body. Everyone there is going to think I’m fat or that I have gained weight. Last time I weighed myself was 2 months ago. I was 109.1 lbs and 5’4. I am probably 111 now, but I have no fucking idea. No scale, no nothing. If I can just lose 5 lbs really quick. I need to be at least 104 lbs. I really, really, really want to lose weight quickly. I can’t exercise because I have no motivation or self discipline. I really need to lose the weight, but it’s not possible to do that for tomorrow. Should I skip school tomorrow? I really want to. I hate myself so fucking much. I can’t stand touching my body even accidentally. I don’t want to move, because then I will accidentally touch my body. I’m so fat and disgusting. I hate myself. I will try to eat really few calories and see if I had my goal. 900.
[Rant/Rave] Rant about having to lose a little weight but not being able to
/u/billionsofatoms [5'4"|Walrus|LW: 95lb|GW: 88lb|F]
Created: Sun Sep 23 02:56:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i72ro/rant_about_having_to_lose_a_little_weight_but_not/
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I'm likely not alone in this. For the past 5months I'm trying to get to underweight BMI again. I need to lose 9lb for that. In 5 months, I didn't manage to lose 1 lb. Because you see, I binge, and restrict, and binge, and the restriction is high, which I could do so well before, when I was at my lowest weight. I mean, eating just 300-500cal under maintenance cannot possibly be that hard. I wish I stopped stuffing my fat snout and actually lost the weight any normal person could lose in like 2 months. I am a gross 🐋. I just need to lose so little and I cannot 😭.
officially underweight!
/u/BunnyAwesome [5'7"| F | CW 116 | GW 105]
Created: Sun Sep 23 02:46:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i718y/officially_underweight/
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Weighed in at 116. Down from 140 a few months back. So pleased with myself! The body fat calculator seems to think I'm 14% body fat too which is great news.
Yay! Sorry for fluff!
Quitting smoking and weight gain. Oh boy!
/u/cobra_movement
Created: Sun Sep 23 01:48:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i6sia/quitting_smoking_and_weight_gain_oh_boy/
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To give some background, I have a long history with EDNOS marked by cycles of binging and restricting. I quit smoking for 7 weeks ago which triggered me to binge quite a few times. I'd been a pack and a half a day smoker and then a vaper for like ten years straight. I'd put off quitting for so long because I knew I would gain weight but I got to the point where my body felt seriously crappy and I didn't want to accelerate my body aging anymore than I already had so I finally gave in. Anyway, this morning I stepped on the scale for the first time since I quit only to see that I've gained 19 pounds! I was absolutely mortified. Seeing my weight jump from 145 to 164 was like being sucked directly into a nightmare. This is the most I've weighted in a year and a half. Needless to say, my self-esteem and sense on control have taken a serious nose dive. Starting today, I'm back to restricting and aggressively exercising. Hopefully I can undo this so I can go back to feeling like I'm human again.
[Rant/Rave] i'll be ~hot~ when i'm thin
/u/aplanetkid [5'7" | 133.6 | 20.85 | -16.4 | male]
Created: Sun Sep 23 01:40:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i6r7r/ill_be_hot_when_im_thin/
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i'm sure i'm not alone in feeling this way, but restricting my eating has helped me cope a fuck ton with feeling unattractive and like no one will want to date me.
i've recently been getting over an unrequited crush (although it's kinda complicated) and part of me keeps thinking that if i were thinner he'd like me (i know it's not true logically but it's motivational!)
i just don't find myself attractive at my current weight and although i look better than i used to, i'm still kinda flabby and chubby.
i'm just throwing this here cause i thought ppl could relate and maybe it'll start a conversation.
Goodbye anorexia
/u/dew_berry [5'2" | LW: 102 | CW: 112 | GW: 108 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 23 01:10:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i6mr8/goodbye_anorexia/
---
I’m doing it. I’m going to heal and nothing can stop me. I believe in myself. I will be a strong person and I will love myself. Goodbye ProED, I hope you all can be happy in life too, we all deserve it. 💕
[Help] Is oatmeal the better choice?
/u/usagilunr
Created: Sun Sep 23 01:03:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i6lhr/is_oatmeal_the_better_choice/
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I’ve been falling so out of control with my eating the past two weeks, and I can’t handle it anymore. I purged twice this week and that’s not okay. If I restrict myself to just oatmeal and no other foods, will i feel full from eating it? (I add peanut butter to it to make it taste yummy). I know I can’t go back to purging since I’m trying to “recover” from that but I can’t keep eating all this bad food. What I’ve been binging on is Tostitos dip and I add hot sauce to it, and chips. And it’s a waste of money to keep doing this but I found myself at the store earlier and bought some more.
It’s funny to me that I’m falling out of control with my eating disorder again when I’m actually really happy with my life at the moment. By that I mean I got my first boyfriend and he’s so sweet. But yet I go and binge?
[Help] Motivation Plsss
/u/kaylee_why [5’4’| CW124lbs | 21.3 | -31lbs | F]
Created: Sun Sep 23 00:56:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i6kan/motivation_plsss/
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Ahh so I’ve lost weight waaay faster than I ever expected (lost 10lbs in two weeks yayy!!) but I’ve been stuck at around 124lb for the past week and I wanna break 124! Tips, advice and general motivation (of any variety) are all accepted and appreciated!!
[Rant/Rave] Anorexic alcoholic, you feel??
/u/thenumberonemariho
Created: Sun Sep 23 00:30:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i6gah/anorexic_alcoholic_you_feel/
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Tw, alcoholism
.
.
Okay, so lately I’ve been returning to my binges from previously restricting a lot. I also struggle with using booze to numb my pain (lol doesn’t take much to get drunk on either when you restrict a shit ton). I remembered tho that the most get-drunk-and-purge move I can do is mix my vodka with magnesium citrate and VitaminZero... do you feel?
Side note— does anyone have any good low cal booze tips so I don’t feel as terrible the next day?
I don’t think I have an eating disorder.
/u/waking_up_inside
Created: Sun Sep 23 00:15:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i6dsu/i_dont_think_i_have_an_eating_disorder/
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But I do. And I have for a much longer time than I’d care to admit. If I’m not eating ice cream out of the carton, meals made for two three times a day, and drinking as much as I want, I’m eating 900 calories a day and ignoring my hunger. But I don’t have an eating disorder. Because 900cal/day is too many to have a problem.
I feel fine. My heart feels weak, and my stomach has shrunk, and I shake, and I’m cold all the time, but I’m fine.
I could continue like this forever. Until I real my goal weight. Every week I talk myself into going lower. My head is fuzzy.
I don’t know how to stop.
I give up on healthy
/u/mmblarg
Created: Sun Sep 23 00:02:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i6bl5/i_give_up_on_healthy/
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I need to rant, and maybe I don't belong here or this will be offensive in one way or another or someone will tell me I'm not trying hard enough like I always get, but you might be the only community that can possibly understand.
​
I'm 30 years old, married, and weigh 200lb. I have been fat since I was five, even though my whole family is skinny, we all ate the same shit, and no matter what I've tried I've never been able to loose weight. I was always blamed for sweets and snacks disappearing because I was the fat kid in the family. The open opinion about my fatness was how crippling it would be for me growing up - I even remember when I was going into my freshman year of high school, my mom tried to give me a pep talk by having my skinny ass older brother tell me how "it's ok, some dudes date fat chicks."
​
I've gone through Weight Watchers, took karate as a teen, constantly went on 5-10 hour hikes, restricted calories, took every diet pill under the sun and nothing. I remember distinctly one nutritionist telling me "sure, you'll loose weight fast with these fad diets or diet pills, but it's not healthy and you'll never keep the weight off." and yet, the thing that apparently happens so easily for everyone else doesn't' happen for me.
​
What I didn't understand as a kid and a teenager is that my body is broken. I used to have some ray of hope that I just have to try something else or try harder. But now. Now I'm 30, I've had an ovary removed after a cancerous tumor formed, my whole reproductive system has been a giant shit show since my first mensuration and I have low testosterone. All of which no doctor will take the time of day to help with. And when it comes to my health and diet, I'm told time and time again that I need to loose weight. No one listens to what I'e been through and tried. No one tells me how to fix my body in a healthy way. and when I tell them all that I've tried they just look at my fat fucking ass and insinuate that I'm lying because obviously I wouldn't be the shape that I am if I weren't.
​
And the topper to this crap cake - my husband is allergic to wheat and milk. We both have taken on a paleo diet (because unlike him, I fucking understand how hard it is to change a diet when a spouse gives no fucks about what is in the house...) He lost 35 pounds in 5 months... Our family doctor couldn't be happier and, as he felt he needed to share with me, asked him if I had also lost weight.... guess what the fucking answer to that is....
​
I'm done trying to be healthy. I'm done with this disgusting broken body. I hate my body, I hate myself, I hate my doctors and I want to punish all of the above. So starvation here I come.
Day 12 and I can usually go most days on an intake of 2 slimfasts and a coffee. About 560 cal. The real bitch is when the husband has to stick his stupid fucking normal ass nose into shit and forces me to eat dinner with him. This would be 100% easier if I weren’t married. I should be blaming him for the last 20 pounds anyways. I barely ate from age 13 to 22, then marrying him and sharing a life he decided for me that my eating habits weren’t “normal” when it was all I could do to fucking hold my weight at 180lbs.
My body is hurting now. It’s always hurt and no one’s fucking cared… but it hurts differently now and I’m fucking happy about it. I like that I get headaches and my near constant nausea is caused by my own fucking hands rather than whatever medical thing is going on that no doctor will help me with. I’m happy that my legs are starting to shake and my hip is aching. Because it’s by my own fucking hands.
[Other] When it’s 2AM
/u/its_freaking_bats [5'7" | CW 125 | BMI 19.6 | GW 120 | F]
Created: Sat Sep 22 23:57:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i6as4/when_its_2am/
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And the 4 laxatives you took kick in so now you’re on the toilet every five minutes instead of sleeping.
Halp.
Please helppppp
/u/bullymeahhh
Created: Sat Sep 22 23:51:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i69te/please_helppppp/
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I've completely spun out of control. I went from binging and restricting to just straight binging almost daily with not time in between to make it up (no purging). I've gained about 30 pounds since I started and about 20 in the last 4 months. Any tips to get it back under control????
The curse of Pumpkin Spice Season
/u/whydiepizzapie
Created: Sat Sep 22 23:50:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i69ja/the_curse_of_pumpkin_spice_season/
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I just want pumpkin spice everything!!!!! but it's all so high cal!!!!!! I would give anything to enjoy a pumpkin spice latte, scone, or muffin, but I know even if I get one of those things I'll hate myself so much while consuming it that I wont enjoy it anymore. FML I fucking hate this fucking disorder for ruining my favorite food season.
[Discussion] DAE has a habit of cleaning their plate?
/u/AspergersAndCoffee [5'2F | Last recorded weight 93 | SW 100 | Starting therapy soon]
Created: Sat Sep 22 23:43:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i68jr/dae_has_a_habit_of_cleaning_their_plate/
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Before ED, I didn't have it. I'd stop eating if I'd not like the food and/or be full, in most cases. I'd throw out a gross tasting cupcake after eating a bite.
But now, I got accustomed to thinking a plate of food for me = already logged every gram to a calorie counting app, I have space in my calorie budget and I'm starving 24/7 TIME TO EAT AS MUCH AS I CAN!!!
So, when I get my average miserable portions of food, I always eat every grain of rice. Every oat flake. Every drop of milk. I lick the spoonfuls. If I make single serve pancakes, I eat the remaining batter like crazy. The plate after my eating barely has signs of food being served there a few minutes ago.
If someone makes food for me or I'm in a restaurant, ice-cream parlor... Whatever. I will always eat everything I got. On Thursday, I ordered 2 scoops of craft ice cream. Caramel meringue (yum) and passion fruit (tasted like kool aid diluted in vomit) but I still ate the passion fruit scoop and logged all because I already began to eat the passion fruit one so I have to finish or I'll waste the calories I haven't yet absorbed, right?
When you go out to eat with a friend and your left overs have to go in two boxes..
/u/Poopburb
Created: Sat Sep 22 23:23:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i64zv/when_you_go_out_to_eat_with_a_friend_and_your/
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https://i.redd.it/t8ke5cg7bxn11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] Bear with me... I think I’m eating cause I’m horny
/u/ingenue__
Created: Sat Sep 22 23:14:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i63c0/bear_with_me_i_think_im_eating_cause_im_horny/
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This sounds so fucking weird. But I think the reason behind my constant teeth grinding, gum chewing, panicking, overeating— is all cause I’m a 24 year old closeted virgin. I used to think I just struggled with my weight from bad habits... but I broke those bad habits almost a decade ago when I lost my baby fat in high school. This is something deeper. This definitely is because I’ve been in the closet and I’m stressed out about it. I hope this revelation makes me not overeat tomorrow.
[Thinspo] Just made my first self post to the thinspo sub!
/u/Hairless_Human [6' | CW 137.4 | BMI 17.88 | WL -142.6 |M 21]
Created: Sat Sep 22 23:12:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i6316/just_made_my_first_self_post_to_the_thinspo_sub/
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I've always hated taking pictures of myself but today I wanted to try a XS shirt on at aeropostale cause I always wore large cause the smaller shirts make my belly show after I put the shirt through the dryer. I was so happy that I fit in it so perfectly. I know being a dude posting on that sub will just get me downvotes but I don't really care. Here's to loosing 37.4 more lbs to see if I can fit in a XXS. Currently searching for tall and slim shirts online in size XS. No luck so far. :(
[Discussion] The line between DE and logical thinking is so f*ing thin
/u/Isaidbiiiitttttttchh [Height 5’9”| HW:216| CW:150 | GW: 132 Gender: F]
Created: Sat Sep 22 23:06:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i61w7/the_line_between_de_and_logical_thinking_is_so/
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You guys it’s sooooooo hard sometimes to distinguish between a smart idea and disordered thoughts.
Oddly running is helping me get more on track with eating properly because I can’t high restricting after running 3 miles in 90+ temps. And I’m trying to encourage myself to let lose and eat occasional fast food or snacks but I also don’t want to over indulge and I’m not sure I know how to tell the difference anymore :-/
Anyone in the same boat? The disordered voice in my head whispers that I’ll get fat if I eat chips regardless of my calorie count for the day. But I also can’t let myself eat 2500 calories everyday or I will slowly gain.
What do you guys do when this happens?
TW BELOW, mods feel free to delete
/u/taglilie [🍑:taglilie | 5’2 | 127| 23.2 | -11lbs | F]
Created: Sat Sep 22 23:04:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i61nn/tw_below_mods_feel_free_to_delete/
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Hey guys, I hope you’re all staying safe, I’m proud of all of you, but I just want to raise awareness for major issues such as CP and abuse.
Many people that suffer with EDs suffered abuse through their childhood that affected them to be who they are now.
If you or someone you know is a victim of sexual abuse, take your chance to report them when you’re in a safe place to do so, please. It can save lives and mental health, preventing more people from becoming like us.
Lots of love, stay safe 💕
[Discussion] DAE do this??
/u/th3Y3ti [5' 3.5" | CW 119| UGW 103| F]
Created: Sat Sep 22 23:02:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i61an/dae_do_this/
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when they’re planning a binge have the internal debate of deciding whether to start with the healthy stuff so that you might get full before you do too much damage versus knowing that it won’t matter how full you get, you know you’ll keep going anyway so there’s no point wasting space and calories on “healthy stuff”?
I have no clue if that makes any sense...sorry everyone I’m a little stoned lol
Binged and couldn’t purge it because I was at my boyfriend’s
/u/mich8881
Created: Sat Sep 22 22:36:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i5wgg/binged_and_couldnt_purge_it_because_i_was_at_my/
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Binged on a ton of fried chicken and fries today and tried to purge but my boyfriend got suspicious why I was in the bathroom for so long. Now I feel like a sad, fat lump. Every time I eat now I feel afraid that I’ll go over maintenance. I’m 5’7 and have gone from HW 130 to CW 115 and have gotten obsessed with the numbers on the scale
[Discussion] DAE have a low heart rate?
/u/ihate-chicken [5’7” | CW:116 | 18.1 |]
Created: Sat Sep 22 22:31:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i5vev/dae_have_a_low_heart_rate/
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Like how low? And how low is too low? Mine is between 32-40 resting and it hurts sometimes tbh. But I’m also kind of a runner so it may be low due to that as well.. not sure
[Rant/Rave] I NEVER WANNA F*CKING EAT AGAIN
/u/ConstantIt
Created: Sat Sep 22 22:11:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i5rra/i_never_wanna_fcking_eat_again/
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I'M FUCKING ASHAMED & DISGUSTED WITH MYSELF. I HATE RECOVERY. IT'S ALL A LIE.
FUCK MY LIFE
I wish I had that disease where your body attacks itself and you lose weight no matter how much you eat.
I hate my body. I hate not being able to look at myself. I hate my ex boyfriend (fuck you if you're reading this) & I hate my fucking life. I wanna starve to death.
[Rant/Rave] white monster
/u/altoristics [5’3 | cw 106 | (new) bmi 19.30 | gw 90 | F]
Created: Sat Sep 22 21:57:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i5oui/white_monster/
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okay so i didn’t previously understand the ED hype around white monster but i tried it today and sweet christ. i just ran up and down the stairs four times. i feel like i could punch god in the face.
omw to get more rn
My psychiatrist is worried about me.
/u/PersonInTheBack
Created: Sat Sep 22 21:57:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i5ou4/my_psychiatrist_is_worried_about_me/
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So there's been a new development in the course of my dietary journey, and it's not pretty.
I haven't achieved any of my goals. I want to be at 115, but I'm sitting at 123-124 right now. However, my psychiatrist has taken notice of the fact that I'm losing weight pretty rapidly and while I'm still at a healthy weight, I'm getting closer and closer to underweight every time I see her.
She says I look very thin and very tired and always gives me snacks when I'm at her appointment's. She doesn't believe that I'm taking in any more than 1200 calories a day (which is correct) and she's pushing for me to contact a service in my city for the treatment of eating disorders. I can tell she's really worried about me. She's sat me down and told me about how I'm putting my health, and especially my heart, at risk.
I just don't know what to do. Everybody around me says I'm becoming very thin and from what I see, not even the scale reflects that. Ever since I started antipsychotics, I haven't been this close to my goal weight. It has been almost five years.
The idea of gaining weight now when I've already made so much progress makes me feel sick. I want to cry. I'm not thin at all. I'm not even close.
What do I do now? I just feel so helpless.
Gaining even though I'm eating way under maintenance
/u/shiveryourselfskinny [H 5'2 | CW 117 | BMI 21.4 | Weight Lost 38 | Gender F]
Created: Sat Sep 22 21:56:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i5okw/gaining_even_though_im_eating_way_under/
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So basically I went from either fasting or restricting below 200 cals a day (OMAD and only veggies). They forced me into recovery and am now eating 200-400 cals a day (different food groups and spread out meals). I'm obviously way below maintenance and should still be losing, but I'm gaining like crazy and it's killing me. Does anyone have any idea why this is happening and how I can stop it? I also just started zofran and stool softener (i havent pooped in 3+ weeks). Please if anyone has any advice, I'd really appreciate it...
[Tip] being dumped is great motivation
/u/pdxfonix
Created: Sat Sep 22 21:38:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i5l2z/being_dumped_is_great_motivation/
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So my boyfriend of nearly 3 years dumped me out of the blue last week. Completely threw me for a loop and I spiraled fast into self dustructive behaviors. I honestly thought I would just start constantly binging, but I have no appetite anymore and all food just sounds repulsive! I'm down to about 500 cals a day. Soooo if you're really looking to heavy restrict with ease then just go out and get your heart smashed and your world shaken! Silver fuckin linings right? /s
[Other] So I found these giant tortillas...
/u/coffee_and_vape [5'2'' | CW: 134 :c | GW: 111| -77.2 | F]
Created: Sat Sep 22 21:34:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i5k8t/so_i_found_these_giant_tortillas/
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And they're spinach, but they're like, baby-sized burrito level tortillas. One whole one is 140cal, and honestly I could probably make a wrap out of half of one, so would anyone have ideas for good, low-calorie wraps I can do? I already thought of just a salad wrap and maybe chicken, but I haven't made a wrap in forever. Thanks!
What do you guys do on nights in instead of boredom eat?
/u/caithaa [5'7 | 125 | 19.56 | 21F 🌼]
Created: Sat Sep 22 21:14:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i5g8h/what_do_you_guys_do_on_nights_in_instead_of/
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So I bailed on plans with friends today because I felt too fat. It's been occurring more and more frequently lately, mostly because they want to go to places where they know everyone & I know no one, which is making me focus heavily on how I look, which then makes me focus on my thighs and stomach and arms, which then makes me cancel plans.
So here I am sitting on my bed with a mug of oolong tea while the people upstairs are having a party. I'm so damn jealous. I love hanging out with my friends, just not recently with the kind of events they keep wanting to go to. I hate being alone, I'm really extroverted, I'm about to crash the party upstairs like LET ME HAVE SOME HUMAN CONNECTION PLEASE.
But even though I know why exactly I feel ashamed/alone/pathetic, all I want to fix it is food. I was so close to ordering a pizza. I don't even like pizza, it's not even a guilty pleasure, it's the last thing I crave, ever. I'm just so SAD and BORED and I want to fix it with oily salty dopamine slices.
So please tell me, what do you guys do on nights like this where the only answer seems to binge and cry to sleep?
[Discussion] What restaurant’s ads really test your control and get on your nerves?
/u/NewBullMoose
Created: Sat Sep 22 21:04:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i5e5r/what_restaurants_ads_really_test_your_control_and/
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I have Hulu but it isn’t ad-free. Lately Publix has been bombarding me with their ad for $6 subs and every time I see it I lose a little more of my sanity. What’s your Pub Sub?
[Help] I had a terrible weekend
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | CW: 114 | GW:105 | UGW 100 | F]
Created: Sat Sep 22 20:43:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i59sw/i_had_a_terrible_weekend/
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I went home and ate so many Oreos. I feels so fat and I feel so fat and gross and backed up. I just want to be thin but I end up eating like shit. I need to recover from the binge fest that was this weekend. I’m thinking a fasting Monday-Tuesday and eating very little tomorrow. This is why I’ll never reach my goal weight.
I refuse to start off 2019 at an overweight BMI
/u/deconcerte [4'11 | 23F | not weighing myself]
Created: Sat Sep 22 20:35:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i589s/i_refuse_to_start_off_2019_at_an_overweight_bmi/
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I know New Year's resolutions are made closer to the end of the year, and meant to be kept throughout the next year. But I can't stand the physical and mental anguish of being overweight, and I won't let myself start off a new year overweight.
I've been trying really hard for the past couple of months to not weigh myself and to not count calories. All it got me was a 25 BMI and aches and pains when I do anything strenuous. It's ridiculous. I'm in my early 20s, but my feet hurt after a couple hours of shopping? I'm ashamed.
There are 100 days left in 2018. That's 3 months, plus change. Easily enough time to lose a bit more than 20 pounds. I ate at 1200 calories for the last couple week or so, so my weight tomorrow morning should be accurate. But I'll try to keep weighing at a minimum to keep the obsessive thoughts from popping up frequently. But I don't know how to lose weight without counting calories, so MyFitnessPal's coming back into my life.
It's strange how suffocating it feels to try not to lose weight. It's strange how empowering it is to actively try to lose weight.
2018 meet me in wildy bruh, lets go
B5 works for multiple purposes
/u/fighterpilot909
Created: Sat Sep 22 20:32:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i57jr/b5_works_for_multiple_purposes/
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Ok, so I have had pretty bad acne my whole life. I heard that megadosing b5, like 5 grams a day, could clear it up, so I decided to try it. It has worked pretty well for that, my skin looks way better than it ever has! (Which is amazing, because I've been battling this FOREVER and tried everything short of prescription meds)
However, I learned pretty quickly that it also acts as a laxative, especially when taken on an empty stomach. It's gentler than the lax I've taken before, it doesn't make me so sick or dehydrated, but still gets the job done.
Win win!
[Rant/Rave] Lonely.
/u/lilmdjd [5'3 | CW: 130 | HW: 147 | LW: 115 | 23F]
Created: Sat Sep 22 20:23:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i55in/lonely/
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I am so lonely. So deeply, overwhelmingly, entirely lonely. I have no friends who live near me because my eating disorder has wrecked all my relationships. When I’m engaged in my eating disorder, wrapped up in the numbers and the averages and the macros and all the details, it’s like I forgot that I am so empty and alone. It keeps me company. The last few days I sort have been trying to pull myself out of heavy restriction, because it’s unsustainable and I don’t want to jeopardize what little of a life I have been able to build since I ‘recovered’. But I’m still so big and burly and husky and I hate the way I look and I feel like everyone else hates the way I look. And now I have nothing left to distract me from it.
I’m just laying here crying because I’m so frustrated and disgusted with myself. Why can’t I be normal and lose weight healthily and build muscle and have functional relationships and stop being so whiny and self-absorbed?
I hate everything about myself, and I feel like everyone else does too and that is why I am so alone.
[Help] Please help, it’s been 24 hrs since my binge and I’m still so sick and bloated
/u/sappythrowaway85984
Created: Sat Sep 22 20:15:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i53qf/please_help_its_been_24_hrs_since_my_binge_and_im/
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TMI ahead.
Last night I binged. I don’t want to write everything out. Over 3000 cal maybe 4000. It’s been a full 24 hours and I’m still so extremely bloated and I’ve been feeling the worst nausea of my life all day. I’m having bad acid reflux and my stomach is in so much pain. I had 2 BM’s but it hasn’t helped. I keep feeling like I’m about to throw up but then I just have acid reflux.
Please help. I have no idea what to do. I wouldn’t make this post if I had any sort of clue where to go from here or how to make it better. I ate today because I thought it would help, just a slice of bread at breakfast and an hour ago I had half a box of apple juice. I feel terrible, I don’t even care about my “progress” I’m just in so much pain it’s worse than I’ve ever experienced from a binge.
previously supportive best friend has decided to "ruin" all my progress
/u/xlilgirlpoptartx
Created: Sat Sep 22 19:58:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i4zy6/previously_supportive_best_friend_has_decided_to/
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I've had disordered eating since I was a child, was always overweight, the entire family was overweight, you learned to just gobble up every at the table or there would be nothing left. I remember once carefully saving the frosting rose from a piece of birthday cake, so I could eat it last, because the cream cheese frosting was my favorite, and my mom came along, scooped the rose right off the corner of my plate and informed me I shouldn't save the best for last, that I had to just eat it all uicker or it would be gone.
And that was the story of my life.
I was constantly stealing food as a child and a teen, getting bigger and bigger. As an adult living with other roommates I was the one stealing their food and binging on massive amounts of things sometimes up to 8,000 calorie a day or more.
For a long time I didn't care either, got into the fat acceptance thing, hung around a lot of people who "loved the curves" and guys who would flatter me for all of the disgusting results of how much food I had shoved down my pie hole over the years.
But I had a wake up call this year, a huge medical wake up call and it sprung me into action. I started the keto diet which was really helpful, it made me get unaddicted to the sugar, I no longer really even crave it, but I think that is also because I don't see it, my roommate/best friend has been so nice about keeping foods that I know I'll binge on away from me locked in her room, our cabinets and fridge are now almost 90% containing only safe, approved foods and that's helped me so much.
So I lost 40 pounds in 3 months, and slowly the amount I eat each day has decreased. I have noticed that within the last week or 2 that I eat less than 800 calories a day and that hasn't really phased me, I have felt fine, had energy and good mental focus.
But I'll admit, it's had me a little obsessed with how the numbers on the scale go down so quickly lately, and getting on the scale to see 205 this morning made me really excited, excited enough to say I could maybe fast for a few days and feel totally fine with that.
Now, I know I have an addictive personality, and an issue with feeling out of control, so I know this could spiral out of control, in fact the wheels are already turning for it to, I know how I am.
So my roommate and I were both on myfitnesspal, I added her so we could kind of keep an eye on each other, back in her more supportive days. But today she started to lecture me about my 800 calories days and how I was gonna go into starvation mode eventually and not lose weight anymore, and get even fatter and was just going off the deep end about being worried, that 40 pounds in 3 months is a lot and I should slow it down and eat twice what I have been.
And the thought of eating twice what I had been , suddenly made my brain say, well I've only eaten 600 so far today, and now I'm gonna stop at that, and maybe not at all tomorrow, she made me feel really gross and like it is hopeless for me to ever be healthy.
Then she brought out all the snacks from her room and put them out all over the counter. And she said she was done being helpful, that now every chance she had she was gonna tempt me to binge until I got back up to weigh as much as her.
And I've just spent the last couple hours crying my eyes out.
I know I'm messed up, I know this isn't THAT serious yet, yes I know it could be....but I'm 37 years old with a psych degree I'm pretty sure that I understand the pathway my brain has been walking along, I don't need her fatlogic shoved diwn my throat about how I'm gonna stop losing weight soon.....and I don't need her putting all that food out there making me want to eat it!
I've not done any actual fasting yet but now I want to if only to prove to her that I will not give in and ruin everything I have done, just to have her try to put a stop to it.
I'm sorry if this does't really belong here....I'm sorry for existing honestly....thank you for listening and reading anyway
[Help] I feel so conflicted...
/u/MarieAmber
Created: Sat Sep 22 19:53:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i4z03/i_feel_so_conflicted/
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I want to take the ECA stack. It did work and for some reason I’m finding difficulty fasting right now. I really wish I had it. I wish I didn’t throw them away. I promised L—- I wouldn’t take it again, but it’s so hard keeping that promise. I want to take it behind his back, but I know I’ll eventually tell him and he’ll get upset.. 😞 Sometimes I wish I didn’t have any friends or that we stayed as friends and I didn’t open up to him as much. I just want to lose weight so badly. I want to see that number go down. I want to be 70lbs - 90lbs already. I’m tired of this. I don’t care that I have an eating disorder. I don’t see what’s so wrong about wanting to lose weight. I want to cry. I hate this.
[Other] Supportive SOs and other fun stuff
/u/beezythegiraffe
Created: Sat Sep 22 19:50:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i4y6r/supportive_sos_and_other_fun_stuff/
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So I've posted on here before about my wonderful boyfriend and how clueless he is about my ED and EDs in general (I'm pretty sure he can't even spell anorexia, let alone define it) but damn it if he doesn't try his best to support me through my pain, despite having no clue what's going on.
I chart my weigh ins on a poster above my scales (3 - 4 entries a day) and it was starting to bother him how upset and obsessive I'd get over the chart, so the other day I got home and noticed he put up a matching chart........with the cats weight. Now every time I weigh in, he comes in after me and weighs the cat 😂 Not entirely sure what his thought process was but it definitely cheers me up every time.
Do any of you have SOs that try and support you in the most unusual ways? Drop stories here!!! We need some positivity today guys :)
When your food plans fall through
/u/emls
Created: Sat Sep 22 19:45:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i4x2i/when_your_food_plans_fall_through/
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Rant-I've been restricting an today just had two hard-boiled eggs so I could get through studying. I was really looking forward to my food plans for dinner all day which was like a \~500 calorie meal. But I was cooking dinner and went to get an ingredient that was moldy, so now that dinner is like impossible. I started crying and I just hate that food controls my emotions so much. I'm exhausted but also feel like I need to eat dinner so I guess I'm gonna order pizza now because that feels like my only choice. So a whole day restricting for no reason because I'm gonna end up eating a ton a cals anyways. And I get so embarrassed opening the door for the pizza guy, like he's judging my fat lonely ass whose eyes are red from crying. Thank you for letting me vent ya'll.
[Other] People keep telling my I look skinnier but I feel and look fatter
/u/staticphat [Height: 5'3 | CW: Jabba the Hutt | GW: Bikini Leia]
Created: Sat Sep 22 19:15:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i4qga/people_keep_telling_my_i_look_skinnier_but_i_feel/
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My old boss (my last day was today) kept asking me if I lost weight, and she said I looked good now.
When I got together with family they asked if I lost more weight.
My friend told me today I looked skinnier.
But I think I gained weight? I weighed....a lot when I went to the doctor a couple weeks ago. And I feel fatter and look fatter and I’ve had more bad/binge days. Did I grow an inch? Is everyone playing a sick joke on me?!?!? I feel so fat and disgusting honestly I don’t know who to trust.
[Rant/Rave] FUCK
/u/manfromanother-place [5’1.75 | CW:102.5 | GW: 98 | 19.62]
Created: Sat Sep 22 19:06:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i4oco/fuck/
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i’m actually fucking stupid. my mom got some assorted candy and i THOUGHT it said the mini milky ways were 60 cal for 5 (which in hindsight is dumb) so me being the dumbass i am i ate 5. guess what? turns out i misread the fat cals as the total cals, and it’s actually 190 for 5. time to die
[Discussion] DAE get pissed at “compliments” from your SO
/u/edthrowaway12121
Created: Sat Sep 22 18:50:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i4kwu/dae_get_pissed_at_compliments_from_your_so/
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My boyfriend and I are long distance. I sent him a sexy picture with my boobs in it and he exclaimed how they got a little bigger and how he loves them and I basically just started crying because it means I’m either bloated or got fat lol
Anyone else receive compliments on body parts like boobs / butt etc that are meant super well but hit you in the brains so negatively?
[Help] How do you let someone love you when you can't love yourself?
/u/Internet_Soup
Created: Sat Sep 22 18:40:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i4iev/how_do_you_let_someone_love_you_when_you_cant/
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Having an eating disorder means it comes with a butt load of insecurities and issues with loving yourself. My question is how do some of you date another person while you still hate yourself?
I feel really bad that I bash myself or don't love myself enough as I should while my boyfriend here is so loving, understanding, and tries to make me see the value in myself. I feel selfish and guilty. He doesn't deserve that and it makes me cry how much I overthink and hate myself for it.
I don't want this to be the reason he breaks up with me :(
[Rant/Rave] guess who just binged after restricting all day?
/u/impractically-me
Created: Sat Sep 22 18:39:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i4i7z/guess_who_just_binged_after_restricting_all_day/
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this gal!
i didnt eat breakfast or dinner, i was restricting so well. then i got left home alone all night. and well, i completely just binged. im so annoyed with myself right now. like i really had to go do that? tomorrow i will not allow this to happen again. tomorrow i will completely restrict... so i tell myself
i hate myself ugh smh
[Discussion] What vitamins do you take and why?
/u/sorenkierkegels
Created: Sat Sep 22 18:34:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i4h74/what_vitamins_do_you_take_and_why/
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I’m asking because I’m about to go shopping and I want to know if there’s more I ought to add to my list. Also I like knowing about you guys! 💕
I currently take magnesium (because electrolytes) and iron (because anemia lol) supplements. And I’m planning on adding b12 (because it’s supposed to boost energy) and biotin (for hair & nails) to that!
I feel like my ED is kind of invisible
/u/peacecorpsquestion3 [5’6 | 116]
Created: Sat Sep 22 18:27:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i4fli/i_feel_like_my_ed_is_kind_of_invisible/
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Usually I don’t eat. And my parents and friends kind of notice. But they don’t really care, because I’m not underweight. I look “healthy” at least on the outside. But when I’m having a fucking awful binge and people see it they aren’t concerned or anything because I’m not fat or even average weight. I’m just a quirky skinny girl who loves food xd.
I feel like I’m even a failure at having an ED. I miss being 100 so much. I miss all the attention I got. How girls were jealous of me or were worried for me. And how I got more male attention than I’ve ever gotten after that. God I sound like a bitch
[Help] Energy Drink Paranoia
/u/Personal102 [17M | GW:130 | H: 6'0"| CW:160 | ]
Created: Sat Sep 22 18:24:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i4f0o/energy_drink_paranoia/
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I had two of those zero calorie rockstars (white can) today and they tasted so fucking good. Like, the best thing I have tasted in a LONG TIME. I want to drink them more often but I hear a lot of stories of people dying as a result of them. I don't even want to drink it for the energy or anything, just the taste when in fasting. Is this fear rational? Or am I just paranoid. If there is a danger, is there another 0 calorie beverage that tastes like energy drinks without the caffeine? I just want to drink my rockstar without fear of dying tbh
[Discussion] dae’s body change super quickly?
/u/poppybasket [5’11 | 134 | 19 | 17F]
Created: Sat Sep 22 18:21:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i4eas/daes_body_change_super_quickly/
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does anyone else’s body show an almost instant change from fasting to a bad day or a restriction day? my weight only fluctuates a bit directly after, and maybe it’s just body dysmorphia, but after eating i appear to have a chubby stomach and after fasting really well i feel like bones.
it’s a double edged sword because when it happens when i’m fasting i’ll feel so good and keep pushing the fast to go longer and i feel great
but when it’s after i’ve eaten i feel disgusting and have all types of s* thoughts and thoughts of sh hah it’s gets pretty fuckin awful
does anyone else’s body respond super quickly in this way?
My BMI is under 30!
/u/freakytreesprite [5'2'' | 162 | 29.6 | -5lbs | F]
Created: Sat Sep 22 18:13:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i4clc/my_bmi_is_under_30/
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I'm officially just overweight! I have a BMI of 29 now
I used to be 17.5 three years ago and then I binged too much (like the fatass I am lol) Wish me luck on losing more!
[Rant/Rave] DAE experience recovery jealousy?
/u/annfartin [5'2 | 104lb | F]
Created: Sat Sep 22 18:04:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i4ac2/dae_experience_recovery_jealousy/
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my boyfriend spends a lot of time on his phone... like A LOT of time. i went through his likes on twitter, and he’d liked half naked photos of a girl with the caption “so happy i can gain weight without being scared. i beat ana and i’ve never looked or felt better” or something along those lines. i’ve been struggling with bulimia for over a decade, and i relapsed a few months back after abstaining from purging for over a year. seeing as i’m bulimic, all the weight i gain goes to the bottom of my belly. look swollen and pregnant; i do not gain weight gracefully and said weight is by no means distributed evenly. i would never ever minimize someone else’s ed recovery struggle or think their’s is any easier than mine, but seeing my s/o “like” photos of someone who has a more beautiful recovery body than i do makes my head hurt. this makes me sound like a bitch; maybe i am a bitch. anywAY... i thought maybe someone might understand what i’m feeling or maybe might want to tell me i’m just being silly and rude.
[Help] snickers new ad campaign is just my b/p cycle
/u/whatsacal
Created: Sat Sep 22 17:53:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i4821/snickers_new_ad_campaign_is_just_my_bp_cycle/
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https://i.redd.it/d3onfjbdovn11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] I decided to stop restricting on weekends.
/u/Dontloseyour-Ed [5'1" | 102 | 19.2 | GW: 94lbs | 16f]
Created: Sat Sep 22 17:49:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i476n/i_decided_to_stop_restricting_on_weekends/
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Honestly the worst choice I've ever made.
I still restrict, and I don't have 3 meals a day. But I don't let myself count (I've got too good at adding things in my head though lmao). If I want something like cereal or bread, chances are I'll have it. Sometimes if I think "do I really want it though?" The answer is no, but if it's yes, I can have it. I also try to pay attention to whether or not I'm hungry.
I feel like I've been forced to make this decision in order to help myself because I live with my mum (I'm 16) so I can't just not eat until dinner like I do during the week.
Unfortunately, this fucks with my mental health a lot. I spend the entire weekend second guessing whether or not I have an eating disorder, convinced that I must be a liar because I just ate toast and a banana. My derealisation gets really bad, probably because this identity crisis I'm having every weekend. I don't want to go back to school but at the same time I do just so I don't have to eat. I thought about not weighing myself but I can't handle not knowing so I end up weighing myself upwards of 15 times a day, watching the number go to 104 and then I have to convince myself it will go back to 102 in the week. It sucks. I feel like I'll never lose weight because of the fluctuation that comes from the weekend. It sucks so so much and I wish I could just lose without interference. Idk what the point of this is but I just needed to complain given I still have tomorrow to suffer until Monday. At least we're busy tomorrow so hopefully I won't eat a lot.
why can I not stop chewing and spitting
/u/coffeeandcamels [5"4.5 | 17.2 | CW: 102 | UGW: 90]
Created: Sat Sep 22 17:43:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i45pl/why_can_i_not_stop_chewing_and_spitting/
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This is the most repulsive habit I've ever had. I've quit laxatives, been through recovery, stopped overexercising, all that jazz, but I can't stop chewing and spitting.
Eating more doesn't help. Smoking or drinking coffee/water or driving doesn't help. I literally just can't stop and I'm petrified of gaining weight or stalling my weight loss because I want to lose about 15 pounds by Christmas and I'm just so tired of this :/ but I'm sure I'll do it again tomorrow because of course I will!!!
Being attacked for what I ate on a different sub...
/u/heyimhayley
Created: Sat Sep 22 17:14:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i3z0t/being_attacked_for_what_i_ate_on_a_different_sub/
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I posted on a different subreddit my full day of calories (which was just under 1200). One of the things that I posted was that I had two chocolate covered strawberries for 280 calories... it was crossposted to a CJ sub where people were talking about how ridiculous my post was and how it's 100% disordered eating...
​
Reading through it was just really hurtful because I honestly HAVE struggled with disordered eating for a long time, and this is actually the first time in my life that I've lost weight in a healthy way. I follow this subreddit I relate to the feelings that you all experience still, but for the most part, I've been losing weight in a reasonable way (CICO 1200-1500 calorie goal). In my past, I would crash diet and eat <500 calories a day followed by periods of binging.... There were so many times in my past that having any sort of dessert would have spiraled me into a 3000 calorie binge. It was either that or I would avoid kind of dessert food like that because once I started, I couldn't stop, so the only way to be skinny was to completely restrict.
​
But yesterday, I didn't let 2 chocolate covered strawberries be the end of my day, I still had a healthy dinner afterwards and stuck to my calorie limit. And I was really proud myself for that. So I'm finding it hurtful that my efforts towards a healthy lifestyle are being attacked by people who know nothing about me besides the fact that I had 2 chocolate covered strawberries yesterday.
I LOVE FOOD!!!
/u/mpjcx
Created: Sat Sep 22 17:11:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i3ycz/i_love_food/
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I really resent the stereotype that people with EDs hate food. I fucking love food. I love everything about food, the taste, the smells, the texture.. fucking everything. I go to bed every night and dream about food. I wake up in the morning thinking about food, I spend my whole day imagining what I could eat and how delicious it would be.
I think my ED fuels my obsession, but my obsession fuels my ED, if that makes any sense.. the more I think about food and dream about it and imagine eating it, the more conscious of it I become and thus the more heavily I want to restrict. I feel like I almost know too much, lol.
Counting fried food calories stresses me out so much HOW DO I KNOW
/u/peacecorpsquestion3 [5’6 | 116]
Created: Sat Sep 22 17:07:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i3xdg/counting_fried_food_calories_stresses_me_out_so/
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Just made some fried tofu with my friend... the tofu portion I had was 110 calories and had 20 calories of flour on it, I’m counting it all as 300 I think? Like 170 calories of oil? But idk if that’s too much or way too little
Totally OT, but I noticed I have this weird bowing/indent on my ribs
/u/TotallyNotARadar [6'1" | CW: 113 | BMI: 14.23 | F (MtF, Pre-HRT)]
Created: Sat Sep 22 16:57:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i3uuz/totally_ot_but_i_noticed_i_have_this_weird/
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I’m at my lowest/tallest I’ve been as far as I can reasonably remember and I was checking myself out when I noticed that two of my ribs on my right side jut out for like two inches before they go back in line with the rest. I’d felt it before running my hands across my chest but I’d never seen it until now.
It bothers my a bit that my rib cage is weirdly shaped but I’d be a lot more comfortable if I knew it weren’t an actual issue and just like a natural deformity. I know it’s not that I’ve broken my ribs (as far as I can remember, maybe when I was very small?)
Sort of an overreaction but like what’s the probability this is serious (fuckin bone cancer??) and not just me having a weird structure I’ve never noticed?
[Rant/Rave] my ed has made me jealous and unkind
/u/lightningmcqueef69 [5'5.5" | 114.6lbs | 18.78 | 18 | enby 💛]
Created: Sat Sep 22 16:35:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i3plg/my_ed_has_made_me_jealous_and_unkind/
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today at work some random guys came in, obviously stoned. i took their order, got it out, and they left. my coworker came up to me and asked, "did they ask to take your picture too?" and my heart sank. they didn't. she's easily half my size at barely 100lbs and 3 inches shorter. she's cute, and tiny. i instantly felt jealous, but just told her "that's creepy"(they didn't explain why they wanted a picture). then i started wondering why i was even upset- it's creepy, and i don't particularly like men, so why am i jealous? just because she's smaller than me? why do i care if two random teenage boys think i'm cute? is this what i've become?
in my heart, i want to uplift women and other nb/trans people; i have no desire to please men (not that i would ever admit to). but my ed makes me competitive above all else. i felt guilty for not being small enough or cute enough to be considered for whatever the fuck it is they were doing. and knowing this makes me angry, but not enough to do anything about it- just enough to fuel my disordered habits more. i choose to be like this. i could recover if i wanted to, but i don't. i like being sick.
[Rant/Rave] A relapse but not really
/u/noirvince
Created: Sat Sep 22 16:30:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i3o9q/a_relapse_but_not_really/
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I haven't purged in a couple of months but I've been emotionally binging and I've constantly felt guilty about it and dealt with it by self harming. I don't even know why I haven't purged, I used to do it multiple times a day, every day for months at a time on and off the last 3 years.
Tonight I felt so stressed and upset that I purged without binging or even going over my \~safe\~ calorie limit. Is it even a relapse if you weren't actively trying to stop? Either way it felt good, scarily good. It made me feel even guiltier for all the times I haven't purged over the last few months though, I feel so sick thinking about all the food I didn't throw up.
I feel guilty for being relived that I'm purging again but when I wasn't purging I felt guilty about that too; I just wish my life wasn't one massive guilt trip.
[Help] Gummy vitamins while fasting?
/u/existing--
Created: Sat Sep 22 16:13:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i3jx6/gummy_vitamins_while_fasting/
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I know vitamins are important obvs but they make me nauseous on an empty stomach, so I have adult gummy vitamins and they’re 20 calories.. full of sugar :/ but it’s all I have right now.
Should I have these daily still when I’m doing a fast (aiming for 5 days this time) or just ignore the vitamins for the length of the fast. I’ve heard anything under 50 cals technically doesn’t break it but I still feel I’m failing somehow if I have them.
Or can anyone recommend any multivitamins that don’t need to be taken with food? (Australian brands)
[Rant/Rave] Single Digits!
/u/_Pulltab_ [5'7"| CW 160| 25.1| WL 37 | F]
Created: Sat Sep 22 16:12:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i3jud/single_digits/
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I straight up started bawling today in a fitting room because I was able to fit into size 8 Levi jeans (non stretch even). I haven’t been in single digits for at least 10-11 years.
Actually fuck recovery. I'm going full speed ahead now.
/u/AbjectRepresentative [Height | CW | BMI | Weight Lost | Gender]
Created: Sat Sep 22 16:02:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i3ha9/actually_fuck_recovery_im_going_full_speed_ahead/
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My life my very well collapse around me in the year ahead and I'm hoping that I at least look good if it all works out (which, if it does, it'll work *well*), and if it doesn't I can kill myself and have a beautiful corpse. Or my eating disorder just kills me. I don't care at this point. I can't handle everything happening in life right now and a lot of people are depending on me and I'm going to let them down. And when I do, if I do, when they read my obituary I know deep down they'll be glad. Because I was such a useless time wasting ass in life I'm better off dead.
But for now, I welcome the bliss of hunger pains and the shred of self esteem I get from being skinny
SW/stats: 119 lbs, 5'3.5", "recovered"
GW: 100 lbs
UGW: dead 🌼
[Help] chests pains, should I be worried?
/u/jadewillowx
Created: Sat Sep 22 16:02:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i3ha1/chests_pains_should_i_be_worried/
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I’ve been in recovery for a good couple months now. I recently had a few days where I restricted to 1000. I had issues sleeping (which i expected) but I kept waking up with chest pains? any of u had issues w this before? should I be concerned/go see my doctor?
thanks :)
[Rant/Rave] Money
/u/tentaclebarn
Created: Sat Sep 22 15:59:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i3gh7/money/
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JustEDthings:
Wanting money to have fun with friends, determined to eat less so money is saved without having to get another part time job. 🙃 two birds with one stone.....?
[Discussion] Gaining loads of weight in 5 months possible?
/u/ArkhamBrothers [5’1 👻 CW:118 👻 GW:90 👻 F]
Created: Sat Sep 22 15:45:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i3d2l/gaining_loads_of_weight_in_5_months_possible/
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So I went from 87 lbs to 90. Then 95-98 on and off, magically I ended up 110. Now I’m 124.8 and want to die. I am so disgusting and my arms and hands have fat on them now. I binge eat almost daily and don’t calorie count as often as I should/used to. I’m so upset you guys.
In my head it’s like “well I’m fat now so why bother” and I just keep eating. I got down to 113 then back up to 118. Now back to 124. I can’t keep the weight off. My metabolism has slowed because I’m nearing my 30’s. I’m so upset that I can gain weight and keep it on so easier now. I’m not used to this.
I miss being tiny and 87 having hip bones and gorgeous thin hands. Help me with encouraging words or advice please. I desperately need a pick me up.
Last night I asked my boyfriend to come into the bathroom, I had these huge red marks all up both hips near my backside where I could barely see them but they weren’t scratches. I asked him what they were. Extremely hesitant he said “those are stretch marks......” I yelled “AGH KILL ME” and from the room to the bathroom he shouted “I still think you’re really pretty” (love that man 😭)
[Discussion] What’s everyone current daily calorie goal??
/u/navillanavilla
Created: Sat Sep 22 15:13:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i34q1/whats_everyone_current_daily_calorie_goal/
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Just curious and have a deeply insecure need to compare myself to people right now
Spent two hours alone in my apartment taking videos of my naked body
/u/navillanavilla
Created: Sat Sep 22 15:11:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i347a/spent_two_hours_alone_in_my_apartment_taking/
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19 years old and I still can’t comprehend what I look like
[Rant/Rave] Depressed and stressed
/u/Internet_Soup
Created: Sat Sep 22 15:07:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i334t/depressed_and_stressed/
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I've been eating quite a bit and I was in a slightly good and okay mood throughout that time but today I'm so depressed that I've lost my appetite. And while I hate feeling depressed I'm pretty damn happy that it helps with letting me restrict. I don't know how to feel better right now.
[Discussion] Orthorexia??
/u/breebunny88
Created: Sat Sep 22 15:00:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i317l/orthorexia/
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Anyone out there dealing with the struggles of ortho that might need a buddy for support?? 😊
Xxx babes
Baby food
/u/Poopburb
Created: Sat Sep 22 14:55:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i2zs3/baby_food/
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Has any tried eating this for meals? I was babysitting today and while feeding the baby a whole jar/pouch was only 70 calories with all natural veggies. Wondering if anyone has tried eating this— Please don’t laugh at me for asking haha it’s a serious and I’m debating doing it.
Feeling like I can't talk to anyone about my food issues.
/u/mycaloriesfrombooze
Created: Sat Sep 22 14:39:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i2vra/feeling_like_i_cant_talk_to_anyone_about_my_food/
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Just need to vent because I feel like you all will understand.
I've suffered from extreme food obsession my whole life. I've been extremely overweight for most if that time (was thin for a few glorious years in my early twenties). I've tried all the things; fat acceptance, portion control, vegetarian for 12 years/vegan for one, therapy, meal replacement, exercise, my fitness pal, so much work! And I can't seem to get anywhere.
I generally eat healthy foods, just a lot of it and a lot of carbs (and chips are my weakness.) I'm 30 now and sick of being this way and I'm fucking taking control. I'm experimenting and trying to change my relationship to food, and finding that it's easier to abstain than change portion sizes. It's easier to not eat breakfast than to have one piece of avocado toast, then want to snack for the rest of the day.
A couple of times this week I've had a meal replacement shake in the morning, then nothing until dinner. I don't find that doing so has made me binge unhealthy things for dinner, in fact I've spent each day planning a good, healthy dinner that fills me up and I can feel good about. It's not exactly sustainable, but like I said I'm experimenting.
Anyway, I've found I can't talk to friend about it. My partner gets it, because he sees all of the pain I've gone through and all the things I've tried and he's happy that I feel in control right now. But my friends... I can't believe the shit that they're saying when I talk about it. Suddenly they're so worried about me, but they weren't worried when I would eat a whole basket of fries in 7 minutes? Also I could lose 100 pounds and still be at a healthy weight, so I feel like I can skip some meals and be fine right now. Like, please wait to be worried if I seem too thin?
I'm totally down with body positivity, but they're throwing all of this bullshit at me, like "skipping breakfast actually makes you fatter!" and starvation mode blah blah blah and I just want to shout "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!" I'm just being slapped across the face with all of this fat logic and I wish they'd be happy for me that I'm making a change.
It's just become very obvious to me that I have to keep my eating habits to myself, which seems way more disordered to me. I'm very frustrated at my friends. They're all overweight and they say they're happy with their bodies, and I'm happy for them that they don't think like I do. I wish they'd support me in not being happy with it and wanting to change it.
Trying to stay on track
/u/Radioactive_isotrope
Created: Sat Sep 22 14:38:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i2vfx/trying_to_stay_on_track/
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https://i.redd.it/c30cmuqhpun11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] I just made a regular batch of chocolate chip cookies using a normal recipe.
/u/sloggingon [FtM 5’6” | CW gross | UGW 99]
Created: Sat Sep 22 14:35:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i2uup/i_just_made_a_regular_batch_of_chocolate_chip/
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They’re smaller (20g batter per cookie) so they’re only 91 calories each, yay.
I still ate almost 400 calories worth of batter, not so yay.
but it isn’t funny because it’s literally me on a card. thank u @ target for triggering me loll. but nah today is a 45 calories in mints typa day
/u/everybhodyhurt
Created: Sat Sep 22 14:33:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i2u53/but_it_isnt_funny_because_its_literally_me_on_a/
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https://i.redd.it/jolm29uloun11.jpg
I haven’t lost a thin this week!
/u/cherryxnut
Created: Sat Sep 22 14:32:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i2u0z/i_havent_lost_a_thin_this_week/
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My calorie intake has been so restricted this week (100 cals or less) and I haven’t lost a damn pound. I’m close to ripping my hair out. This week has been utter shite and that same number staring up at me from the scales just makes me want to scream. So I binged (1700) today, thinking fuck it! I bet I’ll gain 10 fucking pounds from it too! Fuck you ana.
[Rant/Rave] Did I just learn to completely ignore hunger?
/u/sugafreedreams [18M / 181cm 🏳️🌈 HW: 101 (BMI 30.8) / CW: 56 (BMI 17.1)]
Created: Sat Sep 22 14:32:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i2tud/did_i_just_learn_to_completely_ignore_hunger/
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I have frequent headaches due to hereditary migraine, so over the years I've gotten pretty good at minimizing the pain with different patterns of thinking until I can get hold of a painkiller. Obviously worrying of getting a headache when it's about to start is going to give you one and thinking of how much it hurts is just going to make it worse, so I've learned to kind of acknowledge its existence while pretending that the state of pain I'm in at that moment is the norm and nothing to worry or make a fuss about. I'm pretty sure that's why the headache doesn't return after taking a painkiller, because once the pain temporarily goes away, you'll stop thinking and stressing about it, making it disappear for good.
3 days ago after simultaneously having a headache and food cravings I got the idea of applying that same pattern of thinking to my hunger, and since then it has kind of... disappeared? I've gotten away with eating less than 1000 calories a day ever since without feeling hungry at any point, even though my appetite would normally be screaming at me to eat more with 1500 a day. Right now I'm having physical hunger pangs that I'm managing with water, but I've learnt to kind of mentally accept the fasting state I'm in, and the drive to actually put food in my mouth has completely vanished. I guess this is what it would feel like to be on appetite suppressant drugs?
I'm not sure if the hunger I'm not experiencing now is gonna come back to bite me in the ass in the future, but so far so good. If this keeps working (I don't see why it wouldn't), it might be one of the most helpful things I've ever learnt. This isn't a tip as it's obviously not possible to teach a pattern of thinking, but it had never clicked to me before that a headache and hunger are identical in nature. Both come in waves (headache manifests as pain, hunger manifests as an urge) and learning to slow down down those waves makes them eventually calm down and disappear.
[Help] How to add stats/blue lettering next to username on mobile?
/u/addledd
Created: Sat Sep 22 14:30:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i2tj6/how_to_add_statsblue_lettering_next_to_username/
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[Rant/Rave] a REALLY negative rant that i need to let out or else i’ll burst (tw !!! please read with caution if you do)
/u/planetskinny
Created: Sat Sep 22 14:29:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i2t1m/a_really_negative_rant_that_i_need_to_let_out_or/
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i will never be beautiful.
i have acne, eczema, and wear glasses. my face is round and my thighs are huge. my body is so weird looking and i have big bones.
i know “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” but what about me? will i ever see myself as beautiful?
i’m still pretty young (in high school) so i’m going through changes but my peers are honestly so damn attractive. most of them are healthy looking (read: skinny), have no acne, and DEFINITELY don’t have eczema. and if they do have acne, they can rock it! or they wear makeup and actually KNOW how to do makeup.
sadly enough, my definition of beauty is being skinny. i blame it on my disordered eating and disordered thinking because i used to NEVER think that. of course all bodies are beautiful and all the jazz, but i can never see mine as beautiful.
ugh.
r/gainit is triggering
/u/FedoraTipper15
Created: Sat Sep 22 14:28:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i2t0g/rgainit_is_triggering/
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Seeing guys who are 6'2 and 125 who struggle to put on weight an can easily go days without eating-HOW? I go hungry after 6 hours without eating, even with high protein meals like grilled chicken and broccoli.
triggered by bf’s friends
/u/zeneith [5'7 | CW 147.7 | BMI 22.6 | SW 211.6| UGW 110]
Created: Sat Sep 22 14:11:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i2od4/triggered_by_bfs_friends/
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everyone calling me “okay looking” or “nerd” when i appear on his socia media wearing my glasses. a guy friend messaged him last night and they were talking about life, ended up talking about me and he said i was nerdy looking... kinda triggered me. now im gonna starve myself bc skinny = pretty and i wont look just “okay” anymore.
tldr; my idiot self thinking starving would make everything go right and everyone will like me.
[Other] Do you ever just look in your shopping cart and laugh
/u/Lillie1990 [20F| 5’4 | CW 122.2 | GW 110]
Created: Sat Sep 22 13:53:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i2jd9/do_you_ever_just_look_in_your_shopping_cart_and/
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Today I went to the grocery store and halfway thru my shopping realized how fucking hilarious my cart was
-a 12 pack of Cherry Coke Zero
-Romaine lettuce
-3 jars of baby food
-tank top
-bandaids
-melatonin
-Miralax
It was so stereotypically ED that I couldn’t help but laugh. And then proceed to hide the miralax and baby food and make a bee line for the self checkout
[Rant/Rave] Overuse of the word “binge”
/u/wlfn90 [F28 | 5’3” | HW 200 lbs | LW 88 lbs | Recovered]
Created: Sat Sep 22 13:41:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i2g8v/overuse_of_the_word_binge/
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Maybe I’m just triggered AF today, but I am getting really annoyed by how people refer to overeating in general as a binge. I’m not referring to on this sub, people here recognize that they have food issues hence why we are here. I **am** referring to people on other subs who call their 2200 calorie day of eating for a special occasion a binge when their TDEE is like 1800. No. That is not a binge. You overate. Calling it a binge is incredibly insensitive to people who actually do binge eat.
I’m going grocery shopping Friday
/u/not_an_actual_egg [5'3" | 123lbs | F]
Created: Sat Sep 22 13:32:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i2dss/im_going_grocery_shopping_friday/
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heres my list lmao
* jalapeños
* low fat cream cheese
* sour cream
* frozen cauliflower
* frozen strawberries
* low fat cheddar cheese
* corn
* tuna
* ritz crackers
* various soups
* chicken bouillon
* canned jalapeños
* pickles
* pumpkin puree
* light cool whip
* garlic powder, salt, pepper, paprika, cinnamon
I’m trying to stock up for the next month or so, any other ideas? I only have a microwave, fridge/freezer, and a mini crockpot.
[Help] Okay guys serious help needed
/u/quinoaslut [5'4"| 110 | 18.9 | -10| Woman]
Created: Sat Sep 22 13:23:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i2bgz/okay_guys_serious_help_needed/
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I’m high restricting anorexic but I’ve been really trying to eat this past week. Been at about maintenance plus. Yesterday I woke up late, had 3 servings of oatmeal at like 3pm w some frozen raspberries and when I got home at 7 I had a bagel with peanut butter and some tortilla chips.
Then I went to a party with the frat I’m a sweetheart in. It was a fancy ish party and I know everyone there super well. I drink a good amount every weekend (normal tolerance) and I smoke a couple times throughout the week.
I had a mixed drink when I got there at 8:30 drank really slowly, had a beer at 9:30. Took a small hit of my friends joint somewhere around 10. I poured all my own drinks and am confident no one would drug me. Checked with my friend the weed was normal no one else had a problem with it at all.
Now I was feeling lowkey short of breath soon after I got there but sometimes that happens to me like j randomly Ill feel out of it not even when I’m restricting I had BAD pneumonia as a child and we think there may be like scarring on my lungs or something so I didn’t think anything of it but it made me take it easy.
Right after smoking I was not good. One single hit and I was like okay I gotta sit down. I just kept feeling worse rather than better. Then the sweethearts all got called up to the podium and I was like nope can’t stand grabbed a friend and was like I’m not okay and she took me to one of the guys rooms. I don’t remember getting there bc my vision went completely white and my ears were ringing like crazy and I just shlumped on the bed for 20 min. I managed to call an Uber and get home, make some food and pass out at around 11-12.
Any fucking advice on what just happened??? I’m not the type to pass out even with high restricting and exercising bc I have a high blood pressure and HR. I have a high drinking tolerance and I don’t smoke a lot but enough that one hit shouldn’t affect me like at all. I know I wasn’t drugged and the weed wasn’t laced. I still feel out of it today and out of breath.
TL;DR: I ate, I barely drank, barely smoked, and fainted even tho I never faint. What’s going the fuck on.
Teetering between recovery and relapse. Fuck. Fuck.
/u/HufflePuff_Badg3r
Created: Sat Sep 22 13:16:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i29i2/teetering_between_recovery_and_relapse_fuck_fuck/
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I had a bmi of 15.5 until I went to inpatient treatment in February. My bmi went up to the higher end of 17. I haven't gained weight since treatment, even though I'm still underweight (and was, at one point, committed to recovery).
But I've been restricting, and have lost a few pounds over the past few weeks. It's not significant--but I dropped to the lower end of 17 bmi.
I'm working with an ED psychologist, an ED specialist psychiatrist and a ED specialist doctor.
I want recovery. But I also want to be alone and have my ED.
[Other] Happy Fall Everyone!!
/u/BladderPatrol
Created: Sat Sep 22 13:15:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i294v/happy_fall_everyone/
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The holidays are terrifying but this is my favorite time of the year. I hope everyone has a lovely start to the new season! I just wanted to send a little love and positivity out there!
Things my husband has said
/u/ItsAMe-username
Created: Sat Sep 22 13:09:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i27h1/things_my_husband_has_said/
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I've been restricting heavily, feeling incredibly fucked up, but my body doesn't show it.
He's on keto, nothing but muscle. I had a baby six months ago and shaking it off.
4 lbs in a week. Progress. Haven't eaten all day. Progress.
Because he said
"I don't think you've changed your diet as much as you think."
And
"You could do keto..." When I'm a vegetarian and keto would severely limit my diet.
I was eating some soup and after only 300 calories in the day, thought I was full and didnt want me to purge. So he said "don't eat anymore." And pulled me into a cuddle.
I really just felt uncomfortable eating anything and was still hungry, but I stopped.
He wants me to recover from bulimia, not realizing the other option is anorexia.
But I don't look anorexic.
I hate twisting his well intentions into triggers ... But damn, no one gets it unless they've been there...
Last night I tried to order a bunch of fried appetizers as a combo at a meat joint... They wouldn't do it. So I ate my tiny cup of soup and salad and then felt bloated all night. The waitress fucking up was the best thing... He asked how I could be full...
While telling me to go keto because I felt bloated
Lost 30+ pounds...from my ASS!
/u/conuretrash [5'4''| 20 F | CW 154 | GW 115| -36 |]
Created: Sat Sep 22 12:58:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i24ca/lost_30_poundsfrom_my_ass/
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Bruh I just looked in the mirror, to send some progress pics to my sister, and for the first time in awhile I truly saw my body: I have literally no ass anymore and my chest is soooo flat. I'm a big girl, still, so I've always had a fat/thick booty. My whole family has big butts too, not just the overweight girls. I always obsess over how big my stomach is so I can see how I missed that I have been losing weight, just in my butt and bust! Man I'm kind of upset, but kind of not because it's so flat that I'm going to have to lose weight from my stomach now. There's really no where else left to lose from!! I mean, I went from a C cup to I think an A cup now to be honest. I look horribly disproportionate now.
[Help] 17 years ago today I purged for the first time with my best friend at that time. Today I got an invitation to her wedding. I really don’t wanna go.
/u/madeinny88 [5'8" | 125 | 19.0 | 30/F ]
Created: Sat Sep 22 12:57:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i245e/17_years_ago_today_i_purged_for_the_first_time/
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I haven’t seen her much in the past several years because I live 10 hours away. I would have to travel 10 hours to get to the wedding and see a lot of people I don’t want to see from my past. What would you guys say if you were me?
[Rant/Rave] my little brother called me a thot
/u/dollydomer [Height 5'5 | CW 109 lbs| Weight Lost 15 lbs | Gender F]
Created: Sat Sep 22 12:48:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i21lu/my_little_brother_called_me_a_thot/
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I tied my shirt up for an easy outfit. my brother asked why I like thot knots so much. what the fuck. then my mom called me sweetie. she knows how much I hate being called anything but my actually name and its because I get so much sexual harassment and having my own family do it just fucking sucks.
​
I yell at my family overtime they call me anything other than my name and they still do it. it is so disrespectful.
​
oh and my brother told me to kill myself and my mom went to talk to him after aggressively trying to kick me out for arguing about my veganism and my brother said I deserve to be dead and I deserve everything that people say to me.
​
I know that people say that because they are mad or whatever but I have tried to kill myself too many time and my brother was completely unfazed. so I can't help but believe I do deserve all of this.
​
on a good note I was going to make pizza but I'm not hungry.
[Rant/Rave] a healthy balanced meal
/u/tarantulahospital [5'7 | -40lb | F]
Created: Sat Sep 22 12:47:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i21df/a_healthy_balanced_meal/
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turns out the bag of hot cheetos I binged on was only 1600 calories, not 2000
:')
[Help] Can't lose weight
/u/Hellah8ed [5´11| 18.8 | 134lbs]
Created: Sat Sep 22 12:44:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i20kt/cant_lose_weight/
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Been eating between 400-600 calories a day for two and a half weeks.. haven't lost a single pound..
Does this happen to anyone else..? I'm really depressed now because I try to work out too but I just don't lose weight, it's as if it's impossible for me... don't know how to survive this
So hungry it hurts to laugh
/u/JayLenoBlows [18ys | trans girl | 6’ | CW 135lbs | GW 120]
Created: Sat Sep 22 12:42:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i201x/so_hungry_it_hurts_to_laugh/
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Everything is so painful and sore, my hands are going numb and I'm falling apart. I'm in day two of this fast and it feels like for the last two weeks I've been almost exclusively fasting. I've lost so much weight and it feels amazing but it's obviously never enough and the toll it's taking on my body is so intense. I've worked out for five hours in the last two days.
It feels like the world would end if I ate again.
[Rant/Rave] DAE Hate the way they look especially from the side?! My coworker just randomly filmed me working and omg. I thought I was doing so much better but welp.
/u/KawaiiFirefly [Height 5'4 |CW175|BMI30|HW210|GW140/20F]
Created: Sat Sep 22 12:14:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i1s05/dae_hate_the_way_they_look_especially_from_the/
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[Help] Help. I cannot stop bingeing
/u/kaylamint
Created: Sat Sep 22 11:53:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i1mb3/help_i_cannot_stop_bingeing/
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So I'm in probably one of the worst binge cycles I've had and I cannot freaking stop. My mind screams at me to stop but my body wins everytime. Any advice or tips on how to stop?
My BMI is down from obese to overweight!
/u/HellaGayThrowaway [5'10"|CW:207|SW:225|GW:150|NB21]
Created: Sat Sep 22 11:44:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i1jrv/my_bmi_is_down_from_obese_to_overweight/
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I've dropped almost 20 pounds in a month from restricting (and somehow lost ten pounds in the six months before that without even trying)! 35 pounds more to get down to a "normal" BMI. I know the first month or two is always the easiest with restricting so I'll really have to start being careful to avoid binges. I haven't been in a normal BMI range since I was about 14 and I haven't been my goal weight since I was 10 or 11 so I'm really hoping I can actually make it down that far. Wish me luck!
Nothing fits me!! & not in a good way!!
/u/kelseyh1995
Created: Sat Sep 22 11:31:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i1g55/nothing_fits_me_not_in_a_good_way/
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I have an interview coming up so I figured I should get new clothes. I knew I was fat but NOTHING FIT!!!!! :) :) literally not one thing fit me and looked good and the sales associate was smaller than a piece of rice and was like “maybe you should get a bigger size” UGH i just feel like I’ve put in so much work and nothing is showing :/
So can I eat unlimited pickles?
/u/jellybellynashville
Created: Sat Sep 22 11:30:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i1g0o/so_can_i_eat_unlimited_pickles/
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Y’all I post here too much, but I can’t talk to anyone about this struggle in real life.
Pickles SAY 0 calories... so can I just live off pickles?
[Discussion] Can we talk about body dysmorphia
/u/twa1238 [F25| 158cm | CW 🐄 |]
Created: Sat Sep 22 11:27:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i1f1l/can_we_talk_about_body_dysmorphia/
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Okay, so I don’t know if I have it or not.
And I don’t know how to know as long as I’m
not seriously underweight on paper and can compare the fact of that to how I see my body.
I always used to think that I may ~think~ I’m more heavy than I was maybe and I have the feeling that my perception can’t be completely right because sometimes when I’m sitting next to a really overweight person I still think their legs are thinner even though I know it’s just not possible.
But I used to think that no matter what my minds playing, seeing my collarbones, hip bones or ribs couldn’t trick me.
For years I had my collarbones as an indicator for my weight. They don’t prominently stick out ever, but when I can’t see them and feel them easily I know I’m binging too much/gained weight - then I go back to restricting(eating better when I’m recovery), this always happens around the same weight (a few hundred grams over/under but it’s always the same)
Then they’re kinda there and kinda visible until I go hard on restricting and really lose a lot of weight. Then I feel them all the time and they are always sticking out no matter how I sit or stand.
So now I’m at that weight again and sometimes I see them.. and sometimes I absolutely don’t. I thought it may be bloating but for example this morning my water weight was gone and I couldn’t see them in the mirror. Right now, after eating dinner, they’re clearly sticking out.
It’s really been messing with my mind lately, I don’t know. I think I’ve always thought I’m pretty realistic with seeing myself and now I’m so afraid that I’m actually not. No one has commented on my weight loss and while I love that, it’s kinda freaking me out. Deep
Down I know The weight I lost must be gone but I feel like it’s still hiding somewhere and just doesn’t show up on the scale :( I am careful about my protein intake so I don’t ~think~ I only just muscles but maybe I did?? I have to start exercising again but that means upping my calories and I feel so fat ughh
How do you know if you have BD? Do you see your bones? Is it really like this comic cliche thing where a skeleton looks in the mirror and sees a fat person?
I always thought this might be exaggerated but I honestly look like the mirror version
Might as well get stuff done
/u/LynCross
Created: Sat Sep 22 11:23:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i1e4z/might_as_well_get_stuff_done/
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I hate it how I was having a good self control with eating less a few weeks ago and now I'm here eating until 1am. I hate myself for eating too much. I'm feeling so hopeless right now. I haven't dropped in weight for 2 weeks. I'm a broke student but I'm thinking of getting lipo in the future. Any tips or encouragement for me so I can control myself better this week?
there's only one time i don't swallow ;)
/u/DavidMitchellTurtle [5'8" | M/18 | CW 193lbs | UGW 115 | BMI 29.8 | Lost 70]
Created: Sat Sep 22 11:19:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i1cxi/theres_only_one_time_i_dont_swallow/
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makes it way around my gay, starving, sleep-deprived mind every time i chew and spit
External pressures to be thin has made me a hungry hermit.
/u/september2january
Created: Sat Sep 22 11:01:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i17o4/external_pressures_to_be_thin_has_made_me_a/
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Hi. I live in a cave. I’m fat. For the first time in my life I’m fat. I’m having trouble accepting that it’s true. I’ve been overweight for 18months with the weight creeping up thanks to reckless binging. I never let myself overeat before and it was fun for a month or two. Then food became my best friend.
At the beginning of this year my doctor actually said something because I was almost getting to a 30bmi.
The thing is I live in Hollywood. Not just the place, but the industry. I need to be thin. My husband needs me to be thin. We have parties and red carpet events. I just don’t go. Two years ago this week was my last red carpet. I don’t go see my husband at work because I make him look bad. I don’t socialize. My husband has stopped asking if I want to go. He has mostly stopped going as well. I feel like he needs me to look good so that he has more power in his career. He would never say that but man did he love it when he considered me his arm candy. I know that sounds terrible. But it’s the way this town works. I know I’m going to have to get a little work done after I lose the weight because I just will. He thinks I’m ridiculous but I told him to start budgeting for it.
I have some health problems that complicate all of this. Makes me somewhat bed bound. So I can’t workout to get those high feelings and speed up the calorie burn. I just have to restrict, but because I’m not out socializing, squeezing into cute clothes, having a life, it’s just me at home trying to be motivated to restrict. The payoff is soooo far away it’s hard to stay motivated. And then I worry I’m going to be a saggy aged mess at the end and still feel ugly. And because of my illness, the payoff isn’t really that big because I used to have to back out of events because I was too ill. I guess that’s the beginning of what got me here to this day. My doctor said to me that she was doing her best to make me as well as possible but if I continue to be fat, then I’m working against my own health. She told me I would lose my looks and never get them back if I don’t lose NOW but slowly because then I’d also lose my looks from the skin sag. Then she told me to skip meals and pound caffeine. I immediately lost 15lbs but I’ve gained it back.
I’m not sure how to restrict when I’m not living a life that keeps me in check. It’s a lot easier to not eat when you have somewhere to be and be seen or people who will tell you you look great or judge you because you aren’t good enough. I’m hiding in bed so I have nothing to motivate me.
I guess I’m just venting and wondering if anyone has some advice. I’m hoping to reach some sort of goal weight, whatever can make me presentable, by mid January. How do you motivate and stay on track when you are a hermit, hiding in the shadows? For anyone that read this far, thank you. I just needed to get all of these feelings and pressures out. Thanks for listening.
[Rant/Rave] A lesson of eating a piece of chocolate taught me
/u/AspergersAndCoffee [5'2F | Last recorded weight 93 | SW 100 | Starting therapy soon]
Created: Sat Sep 22 10:52:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i15ae/a_lesson_of_eating_a_piece_of_chocolate_taught_me/
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So, since I might be put in a mental hospital by force if I lose 2 more kilograms, I'm trying to eat at maintenance.
Today I even tried to eat intuitively, but I was not ready for it.
I was afraid of overeating so I estimated the calories anyway...I thought I had 1600 (highest amount I'm comfy with, maintenance) but then I gave up, confessed to MyFitnessPal and it turned out to be a bit below...1200!
First I was proud because of eating so little, but then I reminded myself I can't lose weight, so I decided to up my calories a bit. Today wasn't a good enough mental health day to eat 1600 but I thought that the more, the better and every calorie less below maintenance matters.
I thought about eating some chocolate. (I bought a Lindt 85% bar today, my favorite treat EVER ♥)...
I got myself some water.
I was afraid i will not do it in moderation because I either pig out on treats or don't allow myself any.
I always ate entire supersize bars pre-ED anyway...
But I did it. Either way, my mom took one piece of it so if I'd eat the entire thing I would be around maintenance, plus I gotta swim a bit soon.
I took one piece, devoured it in a long amount of time...
And it was pleasant. Tasty. I didn't binge on the rest. But I also enjoyed the chocolate and didn't feel guilty. I didn't feel like my entire life revolved around it but I also thought it was awesome. I ate like a human. I feel like with the help of the mental health proffessionals, my eating will be like this way more often...I'm looking forward to it.
I feel like this piece helped my health a lot...(hint: not only because of the health benefits of cocoa 😉)
​
###
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[Other] Teacher making me eat with her every lunch
/u/sioclip
Created: Sat Sep 22 10:50:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i14pf/teacher_making_me_eat_with_her_every_lunch/
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It all started after our school's parent teacher conference. My teacher mentioned to my mom that she doesn't see me eat "real food"/eat at all.
So she told her that she was worried about my health. Honestly, hearing her (my teacher) say that made me extremely happy lol because no one in this house cares about my eating habits.
I'm confused since at the same time I don't want anyone to get suspicious?
Anyway, she started making me eat with her on her table every lunch time to make sure I finish everything.
By the way, our school works/looks differently from normal schools so it doesnt seem weird lol. It's very normal for the students here to stay on the teachers table (tables are long) during break times.
Luckily the food doesn't have to be from our school or that would've been torture. She's totally fine with me eating vegetables only. As long as I eat a lot it'll be fine with her. Since they are just veggies, my lunch would always be less than 200cals!!!
I used to stay with my friends every break time but stopped because they would always offer me food. So I started making excuses about studying in our classroom during break time so that I wouldn't have to feel guilty about not accepting their offer.
Really wanted to share this because it makes me really happy that some people care<3 there's one more person who is looking out after me but that's for next time since I don't want this post to be that long haha
The laziest way to get a thigh gap
/u/blmatsuu [5'2 | 96 | 17.6 | -54 | FTM]
Created: Sat Sep 22 10:22:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i0wx9/the_laziest_way_to_get_a_thigh_gap/
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The other day I got bored and started browsing MPA and I found this post about how to get a thigh gap in like a week? And I thought it was bullshit but I’ve tried it and my thigh gap is a little more prominent and my legs are smaller after a couple of days, it’s crazy
Literally all you have to do is lie in bed and put a pillow between your thighs and then squeeze it as hard as you can for a few seconds and then repeat. Genuinely feels like I’ve had a good workout after a few minutes of doing it!! Plus I can just lie in bed watching Netflix and doing shit on Reddit and I’m still getting a workout lmao. I don’t want to seem like I’m giving out ~*tips and tricks*~ I just wanna share this with you guys, it’s really cool and I think it’s working,,
[Rant/Rave] I just want to get back to the way I was
/u/toro93 [5'6"| 149 | 24.0 |-30 | F]
Created: Sat Sep 22 10:16:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i0v5s/i_just_want_to_get_back_to_the_way_i_was/
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I used to be so in control before recovery. I was amazing at restricting, I was willowy, and I was the small one. It was amazing, until my butt got shoved into a recovery program. Now I feel like I’m constantly spinning out of control. I binge/purge constantly and fluctuate the same freaking 15 pounds. I just want everything to “click” back into the way they used to be. Things have gotten so bad that I called my friend to come over and take away all my bingeable food so I don’t shove it down my throat while studying. I just miss it and it feels wrong. I just needed to rant, I’m sorry!
Post binge blues
/u/iron_blanket
Created: Sat Sep 22 09:32:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i0jge/post_binge_blues/
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So lets see how much I've eaten today .... vegetarian kiev 300 cals, bacon 90, baked beans 200, chocolate 850, chips 300, biscuits 400.
Gross
I feel like I keep sabotaging every step of the way. It's so frustrating. I punish myself so much obsessing and restricting and then I go and throw it all away. I wasn't even hungry. Why did I do this to myself.
[Rant/Rave] Tried to purge for the first time today
/u/Tonilier [160cm 🍒 19.7 🍒 cw:111lbs 🍒 gw:97lbs]
Created: Sat Sep 22 09:22:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i0got/tried_to_purge_for_the_first_time_today/
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I didn't even get much up.
I was binging on Jaffa cakes, and mini bars of Oreo dairy milk and bournville chocolate, so it wasn't even one of my worst binges- half way through I just thought I can't keep this in. So I went to the bathroom, stuck my fingers down my throat and tried to throw up. I tried for a while but not much came up, so I went back to my room and chew/spit the rest of it before trying again, still with only minimal up.
What sucks most of all is that whenever I've seen posts about people purging I've thought damn that sounds horrible to go through, Ill never do that to myself, but here I am, in all my shameful, not even successful glory. I don't want to end up on this road, but I'm already afraid it's too late- when it was happening all I could think is how I needed to make this work, it would make my binges so much less devastating even though logically I know it's a bad plan. Sorry for ranting, I just need to tell someone and this is the only place that won't judge me.
[Rant/Rave] DAE compare themselves endlessly to their siblings?
/u/band-aide [5'5.5 | CW: 126 | BMI: 21 | F/19]
Created: Sat Sep 22 08:54:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i095s/dae_compare_themselves_endlessly_to_their_siblings/
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so i just noticed this morning that my brother fucking came home for some reason?? (he’s like 23 and i’m aaalmost 20) i don’t want to leave my room now. he has always made me feel so inadequate and shitty. i always want nothing more than to be the favorite and i guess in some ways i am but... my parents love talking to him and they think he’s so funny. i dislike him so much though, he’s gross and drinks and smokes too much and literally doesn’t understand how to clean up after himself. but he’s older and more experienced and much more educated and does better in school (but he has like no common sense, he couldn’t drive for most of this year due to a DUI, and he thinks females are another species altogether).
i just feel like shit. i am a very isolated, introverted person, but i also really dislike my family. i can “get along” with them just fine but i feel very distant, prefer to see as little of them as possible, and would prefer living alone. does this make me a bad person?
i also think much of the resentment i harbor for him is due to the fact that he completely obliterated my relationship and trust with my parents when i was 15, because he told them he saw my self harm scars. there just feels like there’s no real love or trust for me. it felt more like a way to make himself look better. there was no sympathy from any of my family members, only unbridled anger.
he’s literally in the kitchen explaining sterols and hormones to my mom and i just wish i was further in my education. we are both science majors but he knows more than i do. it just makes me feel inadequate as fuck. i mean he got kicked out of school once but he got reinstated. i got nearly all a’s last semester but his gpa was like .3 higher than mine and he made the dean’s list at his school and it just made me feel shitty. god i wish i didn’t have a sibling i hated yet compared myself constantly to.
i think another reason i dislike him (besides him being irresponsible af) is that he called me anorexic as a joke so much when... i fucking was and still am and probably always will be? he makes fun of me for not eating dinner time and time again. he also has major anger issues sometimes and will physically hurt me and my family will do nothing, not even say “he was wrong to do that.” on christmas he yelled at me (i had called him an asshole for hiding food from me, i was so fucking hungry and we know how many of us get about food here) punched my arm really fucking hard and it was bruised for an entire month. what did my parents do? my mom took me out to eat and said he told *her* he was sorry (but not to me? he neverr talked about it again!) and she said that he did it because he was sick of my “attitude problem”. wtf does that mean! i was furious like seriously?
see what i mean? how could i feel close to my family when they treat me like this and never ever change? i guess i’m asking to feel like i’m not the only one who feels distant from their family but also feels shitty and guilty about it. they wonder why i dislike them even when they treat me like i’m a terrible person.
welp guess i’m not leaving my room for the weekend since if he sees me he’ll probably insult me as a “JOKE” and get mad if i don’t pretend to laugh. i just hate how i really desire to do better in life than him but i probably won’t since i fuck up every relationship i have and i’m not studious enough and i’m too anxious to be like him. god, i don’t want to even be like him, i just want to be BETTER than him. it sucks.
Molasses
/u/AspergersAndCoffee [5'2F | Last recorded weight 93 | SW 100 | Starting therapy soon]
Created: Sat Sep 22 08:37:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i04ls/molasses/
---
I just bought some carob molasses and it is amazing for a few reasons:
* it's lower cal than normal sugar
* you could make a brown sugar substitute with erythritol and some of the stuff
* hard to binge on, too rich
* tastes like some buttery, sweet caramel with lots of flavor so you only need a bit of it
* H E A V E N with pb
* Will probably give a bit of dat **Cookie Dough** flavor
* is kinda rich in iron, magnesium and calcium!
* Is a 'cleaner' food than white sugar so if you are ortho it might be a safe food
Dinner will be lowfat cottage cheese with some pb and it because I try to make some cookie dough-esque treat lmao
[Other] Hello boyfriend
/u/siempremequejo
Created: Sat Sep 22 08:19:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i0081/hello_boyfriend/
---
So my boyfriend went through my Reddit last night and got really upset (I didn’t even know he knew it). So if you’re reading this, hi! I love you, I know I should eat more technically... it’s just not that simple.
[Rant/Rave] “oh that is really good self control!”
/u/2ndfirstday [5'5" | 101 lbs | 16.8 BMI | -3 lbs | F]
Created: Sat Sep 22 08:19:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9i0063/oh_that_is_really_good_self_control/
---
I turned down some mini cinnamon rolls last night from my sister. It was actually kind of challenging, and I verbalized my thought process because (???).
She held the plate of rolls in front of me while I was in bed, and at first I even picked one up and handed her back the plate. She motioned for me to pick up more.
“Well, I already brushed my teeth.... but I want one... but i’m tired... but i shouldn’t... but you brought them back for me... but i already brushed my teeth... but I want one....”
I put the cinnamon roll back on the plate and handed it back to her. “Can I have it for breakfast instead?”
She picked up the one I put down, popping it into her mouth. “Sure,” she shrugged, got up, and began leaving the room. “Oh, that is really good self control!”
After she left, I smiled. Oh. That is really good self control.
[Rant/Rave] Its scary how fasting can be so easy
/u/audreyhepburnwho [no binge September.]
Created: Sat Sep 22 07:58:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hzuzr/its_scary_how_fasting_can_be_so_easy/
---
I hadn't been able to go over 24 hours in weeeeks even though I've done plenty 5day fasts in the past. I figured out it was too much water and too few electrolytes at the wrong times (i chugged a glass of electrolyte mix at night, now i dissolve it in my water bottle and sip it through the day) . I corrected those issues and am now on day 3 of what hopefully will turn out to be a 7 day fast, breaking my longest record of 5 days. I feel great, not hungry, more energized than when i was restricting (i always forget to take electrolytes when I'm restricting because in my head i only need them when fasting as if 300 cals a day is plenty of food wtf) and i look lean and yeah.. Its just kinda scary how easy it can be if you do it right. Like I said totally gonna fast until my vacation and then again right after. Fo you realize how insane that is? Like if I told ANYONE in my life that i haven't eaten in 3 days they would have me committed. People lose their shit when i say i dont eat breakfast lmao. But i feel so powerful. And it's so much easier to do this than to spend the whole day wondering what i can eat and how much.
[Rant/Rave] Couldn’t purge. Just getting drunk because fuck everythingggggg
/u/existing--
Created: Sat Sep 22 07:56:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hzuht/couldnt_purge_just_getting_drunk_because_fuck/
---
Ate too much at my parents house and drove home as quick as possible but couldn’t get it up.
So I got drunk instead. More calories? Yes. But do I care right now? No.
At least when I’m drunk I’m somewhat feeling SOMETHING else... sigh. But I’m lonely and sad and I have no one to talk to and I’ve messaged a few people but no one is really responding so fml 🙃
Worst thing is I’m a grown ass adult and I’m just sitting here on a Saturday night getting drunk on my own to at least try and forget for a short time that I have nothing going for me in life and I have no one who really knows me or really cares enough to know. Fuck. Like I should be embarrassed at my age that this is my life right? But whatever. I plan on fasting from tomorrow for at least 5 days because I’m at the highest weight I’ve been in a while and I can’t deal. A big part of my brain thinks once I’m thin again life will be better.
I mean I’ll still be fucked up, sure. But I’m fucked up now too, and at least I’ll be thin.. and feel somewhat okay about myself... maybe.
I know I have friends that care about me but like where are they now. I’m alone. I’m fucked up. Everyone in my life has someone/something more important. All I have is myself and my fucked up disordered brain trying to get some sort of order in my life idk.
I don’t know what this is. Sorry. I’m just drunk and sad and lonely AF and I don’t even know.
[Discussion] Hesitation
/u/BigFrameSkinnyAddict
Created: Sat Sep 22 07:42:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hzr0v/hesitation/
---
Omg so were at mcdonalds and me and my cousin didnt want any food, but she ordered a chocolate chip Frappe (which is 500 calories for a small) and she hesitated so much, I felt so bad because I know what shes been through with ED's. When we sat down she said "urgh I'm about to drink 500 freaking calories... Whatever ive done good that's just what I need, to gain 2 pounds..."
I fucked upp
/u/Onedayillbethin [5'4| 130.6 | 22.6 | 64.4lbs | Chicky]
Created: Sat Sep 22 07:39:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hzqg6/i_fucked_upp/
---
I just got high again and if my man finds out he's gonna leave me and I'm really scared and that just makes me wanna be more high???
[Rant/Rave] Personal best, still going.
/u/GetToTheStore
Created: Sat Sep 22 07:16:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hzle3/personal_best_still_going/
---
https://i.redd.it/tova1f5pisn11.jpg
[Help] My TDEE seems too high.
/u/milovsflo
Created: Sat Sep 22 06:56:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hzh1w/my_tdee_seems_too_high/
---
Last week I decided to start dieting like a normal person. Not only that, I also gave myself permission to have one cheat day. I'm 5'3 and 131 lbs, so my TDEE should be around 1700 calories. Last week I ate around 1300 calories a day, and lost 1 kg in a week. This week I ate even more, and I lost 800 grams so far. I'm also eating lots of carbs and I'm on my period, so it's not necessarily water weight. The TDEE spreadsheet says my TDEE is around 2200 calories which makes sense now, but it seems too high. I'm not really active, I do workout but other than that I spend my days in bed.
Castlewood (now alsana)
/u/throwawayxoo
Created: Sat Sep 22 06:53:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hzggl/castlewood_now_alsana/
---
I've had an ed since I was a kid. Tons of different weights over the years. I'm obese now (sigh), in my mid 30s, and hate having an ed but still do all the ed behaviors. My mom taught me how to purge and it was all downhill from there.
I did resi at another facility earlier this year until insurance kicked me out.
My dietician has been suggesting that I do a day program or iop because I'm weighing myself and back to using MyFitnessPal and exercising too much. Most are terrible where I live so my counselor suggested day program at Castlewood in st Louis.
Is this a good place? I heard that they let you keep electronics. I have a phone eval with them Monday.
[Discussion] Has anyone else how much harder it gets each time to purge?
/u/Rickticia [5'2| 124.4 lbs |23.57|-25.6|GW3:120|21F]
Created: Sat Sep 22 06:32:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hzcdd/has_anyone_else_how_much_harder_it_gets_each_time/
---
I used to be able to purge with 2 fingers, but recently it’s gotten a ton harder as I’ve gradually lost my gag reflex. I was on three, and now I’ve transitioned to using four in a desperate attempt to get anything out. Even then it takes a lot longer to trigger my gag reflex (sometimes a few minutes). Is that causing more harm to my throat? Should I stop for a bit to let my throat recover so I don’t have to use as many fingers?
[Help] Felt so full I was in pain?
/u/2worried2care [5'6" | CW 119.4 | BMI 19.3| 26F]
Created: Sat Sep 22 06:27:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hzbhq/felt_so_full_i_was_in_pain/
---
Every year I go to this big festival and do a lot of drinking and generally have a great time. Well this weekend is the big weekend and I went out last night.
During the day, I ran 4 miles and ate about 455 calories. Then before we went out, we decided to get some food so we wouldn’t get too drunk too quickly, so I got a salad (250+40) and a soft pretzel (270). I drank one glass of water before going out. This was a big meal for me but I didn’t feel super full or anything, I didn’t even finish the salad.
Then we get to the bar, I take 2 sips of my beer, and it feels like there’s a balloon in my stomach, stretching it painfully. I force down 2 more beers but then I have to stop because it was physically painful to stand up. My stomach felt so full, my lower back started hurting. I ended up throwing up in the port-a-potties (ew) to try and relieve some pressure but it didn’t help. It didn’t really get better without drinking/eating either. I also noticed that I hardly had to pee, despite drinking 3 beers. It almost felt like my body just wasn’t digesting. I feel a little better today, maybe still kind of full/stretched out. Has anyone had a similar experience or know what this could be? I’ve definitely eaten more during a binge than that dinner so I feel like that shouldn’t have caused it alone...
[Rant/Rave] Being Ridiculous
/u/tentaclebarn
Created: Sat Sep 22 06:23:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hzalx/being_ridiculous/
---
I went to a friends house for dinner last night, and he made curry for me. I only took a little bit and he said "that's all you're getting....?" (in a funny/nice way)...I knew he wouldn't let it slide though because he kind of knows I have a history with food, but doesn't know the extent of it or the fact it's still an issue...I ended up going to the kitchen after a minute to "look for salt," dumped a lot of the food down the drain, and put water in the bowl/rearranged things so he wouldn't notice from a distance. I feel so silly/wasteful but also felt as if I would die if I ate it all. I ate a safe dinner at home later, not a binge!
It feels especially silly because although I'm really fussy about food, I still eat close to a healthy amount of calories because I'm scared of losing too fast and it jeopardizing my schoolwork/health. It was nice to manage experiencing a meal with another person without worrying about the calories I was consuming, but it was definitely a weird thing to do haha...
[Discussion] Those doing IF, do you feel anxious during your eating window?
/u/modest_butt
Created: Sat Sep 22 06:22:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hzahy/those_doing_if_do_you_feel_anxious_during_your/
---
I’m pretty strict about not eating after my eating window, so when it finally comes, I’m like “yes finally I don’t have to think about eating!”
During my eating window, I’m constantly watching the time to try and space out my food, checking MFP multiple times a day even though I log all my food in the morning, trying to see how I can lower my cal count without feeling like shit later. I’m an anxiety riddled wreck until 4pm rolls around, then I’m totally fine because I know I’m just not going to eat anymore and that’s that. It’s like my ED brain just turns off and I can finally start to think about other things.
[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! September 22, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Sep 22 06:11:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hz875/stupid_questions_saturday_september_22_2018/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for September 22, 2018.
Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.
Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**
*****
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! September 22, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Sep 22 06:10:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hz7ym/daily_food_diary_september_22_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for September 22, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
So this is the shoot I'm so scared lol
/u/BigFrameSkinnyAddict
Created: Sat Sep 22 06:01:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hz65a/so_this_is_the_shoot_im_so_scared_lol/
---
https://i.redd.it/t7hwhila5sn11.jpg
Owl City today!!
/u/art_istical [5'5 | CW: 104 | BMI: 17 | GW: 99 | Female]
Created: Sat Sep 22 05:42:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hz2pq/owl_city_today/
---
I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS WEEKEND FOR SO LONG AND IM SO EXCITED!! I'm seeing Owl City in concert tonight and honestly I feel like i could cry, I love Adam Young so so much his music is amazing. And I'll be in a city all day walking everywhere because both my boyfriend and I are huge walkers. Plus he rarely eats (he pretty much just does OMAD unintentionally, one massive massive meal a day) so I won't even have to worry about people being concerned or my own desires! And i told myself I would eat a good meal right before the concert so I don't fall asleep or panic due to hunger. GUYS I AM SOSOSOSOSOS EXCITED!!!! What are you excited for??
Well, now I can't ever eat at work ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
/u/eksyneet
Created: Sat Sep 22 05:33:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hz163/well_now_i_cant_ever_eat_at_work_ツ/
---
Been working at my current job for 5 months. The other day there was a pipe emergency and the water got shut off so I had to go to a nearby cafe (never gone there before, even though everyone else gets lunch there) to pee, and bought a sandwich because it would've been too rude to just use their bathroom without buying something.
Ate the sandwich at my desk and then made a joke to my coworkers that they shouldn't let me go to that cafe ever again because the sandwich was too good. One of them replied "so this is the first and last time I'm seeing you eat?". I was like whaaat, but then it dawned on me that she's actually right, it was the first time she saw me eat a meal.
Don't get me wrong, it made me feel good. But what my coworkers will think of my eating habits had never previously factored into my decision-making in terms of eating at work, because I didn't think they'd even notice. I mean they eat at their desks all the time and I barely notice, so I assumed they felt the same and the only reason I didn't eat was to pursue my goals. And now I know that they do notice, and I absolutely definitely can't eat at work again because if I do, I'll defy their expectations, kinda? You know what I mean? They'll notice and they'll be like "oh you're eating, wow!". Can't have that. And the worst part is that knowing I can't eat is making me want to eat. Argh.
[Rant/Rave] Grocery Shopping Alone
/u/Wigforfire [5'2 | 100.3 | 18.89 | 30lbs | Female]
Created: Sat Sep 22 05:29:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hz0gk/grocery_shopping_alone/
---
Today is the day; Today is my day; Today I will take my time and explore every part, read every label, put things in my cart and put them away as much as I want. I will buy my food based on it's caloric content and no one can stop me from examining each nutrition fact once and then twice, maybe even three times. I will loop around as many times as i want and will not feel anxious about having to leave because no one wants to stay in the grocery store as long as I do. I will buy foods for my boyfriend and surprise him with them too! I will make healthy choices for the coming week for the days I feel confident that I can do it, so long that those foods can be saved in case those days don't happen. I will enjoy myself this morning, and be productive, alone at costco and trader joes
Is this weight loss for real or just dehydration?
/u/lonelycatgirl69
Created: Sat Sep 22 05:21:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hyz3q/is_this_weight_loss_for_real_or_just_dehydration/
---
tldr: managed to lose 3 pounds after b/p but is it just water weight and have i actually gained? ???
I b/p twice in 24 hours on a lotttt of food and there is no way in hell I got it up.
I decided to fast on Friday which worked out surprisingly well! ( almost 36 hours into my fast, never been able to fast thing long so I'm just going to ride this out for as long as possible)
Today I weigh 3 pounds lighter *cue bitch wtf moment* in my head
Am I going to gain regardless? Have I already gained and this "low weight" of mine is just a result of dehydration tricking my brain into thinking for once I've actually made real progress!!!???
i have been drinking! gatorade zeros, h2o, pepsi max, tea, coffee
[Rant/Rave] Going out partying for the first time in months today
/u/sigvi [160cm | LW: 40 | CW: 58 | GW: 47 | F18]
Created: Sat Sep 22 04:56:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hyuhf/going_out_partying_for_the_first_time_in_months/
---
I put together an outfit that I’m fairly comfortable in. I still think I look massive in it but it’s wearable. Problem is, when I sit down my stomach folds into huge rolls and it looks disgusting. So right now I’m in bed under a blanket thinking about canceling my plans.
I always panic when I have to get ready and put nice clothes on. On normal days I can just hide everything under oversized sweatshirts, but that’s not exactly an acceptable party outfit. I hate trying to make myself look as nice and sexy as possible and when I’m finished getting ready I’m still just fat and ugly. Tonight is going to be greeeat....
My least favorite coworker
/u/hammerprice [5'11" | obese | -17lb | 26F | vegan | inbox always open to talk!]
Created: Sat Sep 22 04:41:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hys0g/my_least_favorite_coworker/
---
... Is the only person so far to have noticed my weight loss without already knowing I'm trying to lose.
She's now my favorite coworker.
[Help] fellow bulimics; any tips for quitting b/ping?
/u/sleepyboyblue [5'5 | CW 110 | GW 80 | M]
Created: Sat Sep 22 04:11:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hyn19/fellow_bulimics_any_tips_for_quitting_bping/
---
i just wanna go back to restricting and not shut off and spend too much money on food to puke up several times a day lmao, anyone got advice on how to do it? do i try and keep my mind off food altogether? eat 5lbs of cucumbers a day?? help im desperate 😂
[Help] I eat at the restaurant too often?
/u/Doctordoomduck
Created: Sat Sep 22 03:30:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hyg9i/i_eat_at_the_restaurant_too_often/
---
So I take phone orders at a delivery restaurant and were given the choice between taking a one hour break or eating a free meal at the kitchen. Usually I just ask the chef for a chicken breast and that’s more than enough for me.
Tonight he said that I should start taking a break and that “we can’t feed you *every* day.”
I know he maybe feels sick of having to cook for me all the time, but now I don’t really know where else to go for food. I work graveyard and almost everywhere is either closed or fast food. I also can’t help but feel if I were thinner it wouldn’t be an issue, which I know it isn’t but there’s no way to turn off the voice in my head that I deserve this for eating too much.
[Help] PRO ANA
/u/spongyboobie
Created: Sat Sep 22 03:29:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hyg0n/pro_ana/
---
Help guys? I want to be thin! I am 16. My height is 5’5 and 52kg. How to lose weight fast and maintain it? I badly want to be thin. I started my diet two weeks ago and I only lose 4kg. I want to be 45kg before this month end. Any tips? Diet tips? Exercise routine? And meal plan!
[Discussion] DAE insult/mock internet people when feeling hungry
/u/polieusses
Created: Sat Sep 22 02:23:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hy5vf/dae_insultmock_internet_people_when_feeling_hungry/
---
lol i discovered that raging on random people calms my hunger and anxiety and makes me feel better
[Help] Quiet sick with an infection, should I still restrict?
/u/lostandlonley333 [5"2 | 110 | 20.3 | -28 | F]
Created: Sat Sep 22 01:26:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hxwu2/quiet_sick_with_an_infection_should_i_still/
---
My ED says keep restricting but the logical part of my brain is telling me I need nutrients to heal. I usually only restrict to 1000 cals so its not like I'm barely eating, and I have literally 0 appetite and eating makes me nauseous afterwards, but at the same time I cant help but wonder if I should be eating more. Its some sort of throat infection that I need antibiotics 4 times a day for ://
Thoughts or similar experiences?
Self sabotage
/u/jishinseiren
Created: Sat Sep 22 01:20:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hxvub/self_sabotage/
---
Do you guys self sabotage so that you can never be happy/satisfied?
I’ve had my ed since I was 9. I don’t remember any other way of life.
I’ve had my metabolism/weight struggles, and ironically I was my biggest when I exercised the most. I was an exercise addict along with being anorexic. (I would run 25-35 km a day, or kickbox for 3-5 hours. I took one day off a week, and ate 300-700 calories a day) I’m not sure HOW I managed to do that for so long (2 years pr so) but I had continued to gain weight unexplainably. Maybe it was a failing metabolism, maybe it was a lot inflammation, I don’t know, but I know I’ve finally returned to a weight I like by being more moderate with exercise.
Still, i get triggered so easily. When someone else at my gym seems to be doing more than me, I can’t take it. I have to double/tripple what she does. But if I do, i get injured, puffy, and I’m too tired to do anything else, so I hate myself because I’m fat. If I don’t do as much, Even if I’m thinner I’m a lazy-self-indulgent pig who doesn’t deserve to live.
I realize there is no way to win but my mind likes it that way or something...
Does anyone else relate?
This pattern actually applies to many aspects of my life, not just this.
[Rant/Rave] i look older than i am
/u/pringlesbutthole [6’|F|CW:112.2|BMI:14.6|20]
Created: Sat Sep 22 00:35:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hxnzd/i_look_older_than_i_am/
---
i just realized how badly my ED/drug abuse/cigarette addiction is aging my skin and face.
i’m only 20 but most people think i’m at least 25. like when i first started at my job my 23 y/o coworker thought i was older than him when i was just 19 lmao. i saw a pic of me from when i was 18 compared to now and it’s just... like i’m ugly? i have permanent under eye bags, i’m breaking out constantly. i never used to have big pores or blackheads on my cheeks. my forehead has wrinkles and fine lines. i always have at least one pimple.
like damn. i used to have lil chubby cheeks and a light in my eyes and then just. so much abuse and pain happened and it ruined me. i miss my innocence.
whatever anyways. bummer! wish i was still pretty and young.
[Help] Throw up advise?
/u/yellowdaisyjennee
Created: Sat Sep 22 00:32:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hxnjx/throw_up_advise/
---
I have been really trying to throw up after eating but it seems like I can't get it out even if I am already chest level full. I only spit saliva and my throat already hurts from my constant poking. Hoping somebody can help me with this. What are the techniques and stuff to throw up easily? Like do I have to throw up 5mns after meal blabla.. please help, I'm so desperate.
I am known for my order at my local burger shop...
/u/nicolajr21
Created: Sat Sep 22 00:13:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hxke7/i_am_known_for_my_order_at_my_local_burger_shop/
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I order a small serving of crumbed zucchini and a jug of water about 2-3 times a week and now they don’t even ask for my order anymore, they just make it. I don’t consider this a weird order but every single person that I see eat there orders a burger and a large fries, so I guess their perception is just distorted? Idk, I feel uncomfortable about it but I have trouble finding food on my lunch break, so I guess I’ll just deal with it
[Goal] 5lbs away from Goal weight
/u/shmlurn [5'10" | CW 139 | 19.9 | GW 129| Female]
Created: Fri Sep 21 23:51:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hxgi5/5lbs_away_from_goal_weight/
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I want to be 128lbs, officially underweight for my height. Today I weighed in at 133 and...I feel like shit? I’ve lost 15 pounds in like less than two months but it doesn’t even feel like progress. Doesn’t really feel like a “real” relapse either. I just feel like nothing and I needed to tell someone.
[Help] How do you guys get your weight/bmi and goal weight and stuff under your name?
/u/rayodelunalele
Created: Fri Sep 21 23:17:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hxafx/how_do_you_guys_get_your_weightbmi_and_goal/
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I’ve been seeing it lately and I want it too! LMAOO
i just had my first legitimate binge and i want to fucking die
/u/duskedfur [5'7"|CW: 104|16.2|UGW: 100|F]
Created: Fri Sep 21 23:11:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hx9dd/i_just_had_my_first_legitimate_binge_and_i_want/
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i’ve “binged” before on low/avg calorie food, usually never going above 1,000 calories in one sitting and purging half of it but my friend brought back panera pastries from her work and i ate so many, i stopped counting at 3,000 calories and absolutely NONE of it came up when i tried to purge it because it’s all bread and it was stuck together. i’ve been fasting/restricting under 800 all week and i hit a new LW of 102 and now i actually want to kill myself??? why the fuck did i do that??? i’m staying with my friends so i don’t think i can get away with fasting to make up for it and i know it’s going to take so long to get rid of what i just did, i can’t weigh myself to see the damage for a few more days and i want to die i want to die i want to die fuck fuck fuck
I feel like a failure for only losing 4 pounds this month
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2, 146, -16, 21F]
Created: Fri Sep 21 23:09:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hx93b/i_feel_like_a_failure_for_only_losing_4_pounds/
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Yeah we still got a week and a bit left but realistically I'm not gonna lose much with how things are going.
​
The beginning of the month I started out with the mindset of "Eat 800-1000 everyday", Then I had a couple maintenance days ended up at my goal for the month 146. Yay I guess. My stretch goal was 144 by the end of the month and I'm not gonna hit that because I physically cannot restrict very well, I keep eating up to 1,000 thinking that's "acceptable" then I get hungry and eat another 100-500. My loseit week is still over by 539 calories and I've not had a week over my budget since I started using it(it's set at 1,030). Like I know that 4 pounds is good, and maybe I should take the next week at maintenance just to reset, but it's annoying the crap out of me I'm nowhere near my goal, or even healthy weight and I can't seem to control my eating. I don't *DESERVE* maintenance
​
I lost 12 pounds last month, Why can't I do that again
[Rant/Rave] i had some photos taken
/u/girlinamber [5'6 | too much | not enough | nb]
Created: Fri Sep 21 23:03:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hx7ue/i_had_some_photos_taken/
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as the title implies, kinda
i had the opportunity to have some professional photos taken with a group im in and even though i really, really didn't want to do it, i sucked it up and just did it
i was sent them last night and i've been breaking down ever since
i didn't realize i looked like... that. i've always been ugly, but jesus christ. i also know i've gained weight. i've been too depressed and suicidal to get out of bed lately, with a lot of calories in and not many out, if at all, and the food i have eaten is... not the absolute worst, but definitely not super healthy either
my hair looked super greasy because it was so windy, despite the fact i showered a few hours earlier. my acne was bright red because of the cold. im too much of a pussy to look at the camera, so my head was down a lot, giving me fifty chins and the worst posture imaginable
i dont know how to feel. i dont know if im grateful. i should be but i cant bring myself to feel that way. every time i think about it i start to cry. i tried having a some yogurt earlier and nearly choked on it. i spent the entire time i was out grocery shopping with my partner glancing at glass and mirrors to see if it really was that bad, maybe i was exaggerating. i wasn't.
why did i ever think i was fat when i was 110 lbs? look at me now. i dont even know how much i weighh now but i know it's not good. everything i worked for has gone down the drain these past few years and i don't know what to do. i eat my vyvanse like candy so i dont feel hungry, but at the same time, it gives me so much anxiety because i know that if i do it too long, it wears off, and the sickness of knowing im going to binge gets to be too much to bear. i messed up my body so badly by gaining and losing so drastically, so back and forth, that my body will never look normal again. i did this to myself.
why am i like this? why can't i be normal? why can't i be small and beautiful again? now im just a whale invading space that isn't meant for me. every time i bend and feel my skin fold i just want to vomit. every time i see the way my spine has altered my back i feel hot with pure anger. i hate myself so, so much. this is getting to be far too much for me to handle. i never wanted it to be this bad but it is and i don't know how to fix it and im scared of what i've become and how everybody sees me now. i feel like a monster
i just want to disappear and never show up again
Rare footage of me during a binge
/u/lift098 [F/5’9 CW:150 GW:135]
Created: Fri Sep 21 22:49:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hx52l/rare_footage_of_me_during_a_binge/
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https://i.redd.it/ovopqgiss0j11.gif
Me when i talk myself into a binge
/u/lift098 [F/5’9 CW:150 GW:135]
Created: Fri Sep 21 22:48:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hx4uo/me_when_i_talk_myself_into_a_binge/
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https://i.redd.it/ovopqgiss0j11.gif
[Discussion] First time using MiraLax
/u/rayodelunalele
Created: Fri Sep 21 22:43:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hx3q4/first_time_using_miralax/
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Super excited to see what results I get here, because
1. I’m always bloated
2. I’ve actually been backed up like (I know TMI lol) but my shits are not as often as they should be and they’re small and hard to get in the toilet lmfao
I’ll update y’all on the effects gonna weigh myself before and after just for shits and giggles 😂
How soon should I expect a “movement” lmfao
[Help] EDs and Dating
/u/tentaclebarn
Created: Fri Sep 21 22:20:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hwz1f/eds_and_dating/
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For those of you with a significant other, what was it like in the beginning of your relationship managing your ed behaviors along with the new relationship? I often find early on most dates involve calorie consumption...any ideas that have worked well for you? Going on walks, movies, coffee, or museums have occurred to me. Any others? Low budget options get extra points!
[Discussion] What are some goals you crave, but will never be able to reach?
/u/rougoku [5'7" | CW: 136 & BMI: 21 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Fri Sep 21 22:09:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hwwq5/what_are_some_goals_you_crave_but_will_never_be/
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For me: double digit weight.
Do people still juice?!
/u/FeatherMahogany59
Created: Fri Sep 21 21:47:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hws2s/do_people_still_juice/
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I’m thinking of doing a juice cleanse (I’ve done one before a couple years ago and I lost 7 lbs in 3 days, but that’s when I was heavier). Does anyone actually still do juice cleanses? Or are they totally out? Any tips? I was thinking of buying a 3 day cleanse and stretching it out to 5 or 6 days since a lot of them are close to 1,000 calories a day, which is similar to my intake now.
My dad told me I'm fat if I weigh over 117 lbs.
/u/TornadofThought
Created: Fri Sep 21 21:39:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hwqc0/my_dad_told_me_im_fat_if_i_weigh_over_117_lbs/
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I'm normally in the 112-115 lb range, but after having a bad binge week, I weighed in at 116.8 pounds this morning (I'm 5'4). I told my dad and he said "117 and over is a danger zone for you. You should stay at or below 115". Then I asked him "How?" And he responded "your face gets chubbier and your butt becomes saggy." This reminded me of the time my eating disorder crept its way into my life back when I was 17. My dad would always say "your butt is too disproportionate for your body, you should lose some weight" despite me being a healthy bmi... Then once my dad noticed I got upset, he said "I'm just kidding, you're not fat and even if you are, you can lose it just as easily as you've gained it".. I felt like imploding. So instead I'm ranting on here to feel better.. My dad has always had some sort of obsession with thin/fit women and I had to watch his friends make fun of him for marrying an overweight woman. Now I dont even feel like existing in public without putting my body in a big giant garbage bag until I'm able to lose this binge weight. Doesn't help that Im already so fed up of fasting several days ago.
[Discussion] Triggered by husband Le sigh
/u/Shewantstolive
Created: Fri Sep 21 21:25:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hwnaa/triggered_by_husband_le_sigh/
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So my hubs we were talking about porn and he said he prefers small boobs to big ones . Totally triggered . Guess who has big boobs? Guess who wishes she had tiny ones . Guess who’s starving herself till she has tiny boobs? I’m at 140 down from 156 but I have a long way to go to my gw of 100. Le sigh. I never feel enough ever and I’ve been fasting with barely any water for 5 days now. Not breaking till Sunday when I have to because of a family get together and then my plan is to take laxatives and starve for another week and hopefully I’ll manage to get down to 130 which by no means enough. Feeling pretty sad right now .
Laxatives
/u/Poopburb
Created: Fri Sep 21 21:15:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hwl7k/laxatives/
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Anyone have some good recommendations? US based.
I had a really bad binge today and this guy I’m into left me on opened and I never want to eat again
/u/peacecorpsquestion3 [5’6 | 116]
Created: Fri Sep 21 20:53:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hwgid/i_had_a_really_bad_binge_today_and_this_guy_im/
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I feel like a fatass balloon. If I have a fucking eating disorder why can’t I just be fucking skinny oh my god
[Rant/Rave] “If I were skinny”
/u/CrushedOats
Created: Fri Sep 21 20:45:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hwept/if_i_were_skinny/
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Oh my god so my friends all went to that “stupid one size fits all store” pacsun/brandy Melville and smalls were fitting me?? So I tried on the cutest dress and when I would go out to show them the outfit they would throw another shirt at me to try on I felt so tiny!!! When I was changing back into my normal clothes I could hear them going on and on and on about what “I would wear if I was skinny” and I’m.. I’m the skinny one to them. IM THE SKINNY ONE
[Discussion] Afraid of losing my ED fuel confidence in recovery.
/u/NeutralSmithHotel [6'1.4 | CW: 179 | BMI: 23.4 | Weight Lost: -191| M]
Created: Fri Sep 21 19:57:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hw3t7/afraid_of_losing_my_ed_fuel_confidence_in_recovery/
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So last night I went out and danced my ass off and a totally cute girl was all over me. I've never had a random stranger (let alone a very pretty one) show that kind of interest in me... especially without me having to talk or be clever. This last month since I've been hardcore restricting, I feel invincible (ok not all the time, but I get bursts of it).
I've started recovery and I'm really really afraid of two things: getting fat and losing this confidence I have. Honestly, I don't think I've been 1/10th this confident my whole life. Anyone else get this fear?
[Rant/Rave] Just started a new job yesterday...
/u/unsols
Created: Fri Sep 21 19:39:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hvzns/just_started_a_new_job_yesterday/
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My trainer wants to eat out for lunch everyday. One of my major higher ups offered everyone donuts (other superiors pressured me into taking one) and I just can’t see this going well. I’ve been miserable since recovery with all the weight I gained, and this will only makes things that much worse. Also too nervous to go to the on site gym because I don’t want my coworkers to see me doing 90+ minutes of cardio. God. I have to get it together.
Happy!!
/u/art_istical [5'5 | CW: 104 | BMI: 17 | GW: 99 | Female]
Created: Fri Sep 21 19:17:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hvup9/happy/
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I ate so many nutrition dense foods today. I met quite a few of my "nutritional requirements" on my calorie counting app. I ate only vegan. And the best part??? It was all only 390 calories, I don't feel hungry, I feel happy, I'm excited for this weekend, and life is good.
What are you happy about?? 💛🌻
[Help] Fastest way to lose 10lbs?
/u/fish110 [5'3.5"|CW122|GW110|F]
Created: Fri Sep 21 19:16:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hvunh/fastest_way_to_lose_10lbs/
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What's the fastest way to lose at least 10lb? I freaked out today. I was recording myself dancing because I have an audition next friday and need to see what I need to change. When I watched it I looked awful. My dancing looked flimsy, and I literally had no jawline. My neck and face were f\*ucking connected! WTF, I looked disgusting. There is no way I could perform confidentally knowing I look like that. What is the fastest way to lose weight other than fasting for a week?
[Rant/Rave] My mom noticed I’m getting skinner
/u/throwaway2019170
Created: Fri Sep 21 19:09:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hvt04/my_mom_noticed_im_getting_skinner/
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omg guys. Ive always been a chubby kid with a big appetite. I’ve always been the butt to the fatty/piggy “lighthearted” joking in our immediate family which understandably made me feel like even more shit then i already did before
my mom saw my shirt go up a little bit and said “Skinny minny! You need to eat more!” And has been calling me tiny ever since. I’m so happy I could cry
[Help] Getting ready for an event!
/u/ketokitty13
Created: Fri Sep 21 19:02:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hvr98/getting_ready_for_an_event/
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Hello sub!!
I’m attending a 2 day music festival in a week!
What are some tips/trick out there that will help me look lean leading up to this event? I.e., cut down water weight, bloating, etc.??
what’s something you want to say to some regarding your ED, but can’t?
/u/fiascofiesta [5'7" | 131.4 | 20.51 | 23F]
Created: Fri Sep 21 19:00:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hvqsx/whats_something_you_want_to_say_to_some_regarding/
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basically the title.
i just feel like i need to do this for therapeutic reasons and maybe it’ll help some of y’all, too ♥️
i want to say:
just because i “look okay” doesn’t mean i’m not struggling. i throw up every day. multiple times a day. i hate myself. i hate the way i look. i’m not fishing for compliments, i’m verifying how i’m perceived, because it matters so much to me. this isn’t for attention, this isn’t me throwing a fit, this isn’t me begging for anything, i’m just sick, and i’m terrified of getting fat. why can’t you just comfort me instead of accusing me? or insulting me? I KNOW IM NOT THAT SKINNY. YOU SAYING THAT MAKES THINGS TEN THOUSAND TIMES WORSE. you’re supposed to be there for me no matter what, but you always think i’m lying, and then you get angry when i don’t “let you in” or “reach out.” i’m confused. i know i’m too much handle, but can we talk about something else?
[Rant/Rave] Recovery
/u/yellowposy2
Created: Fri Sep 21 18:43:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hvmuk/recovery/
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I went to treatment in the spring and at the time it felt like the best thing I could ever do for myself and now I’m feeling enormous and I keep triggering myself. Today I weighed myself on a scale in a thrift store, and I also weighed myself a week ago at the school gym, and I’ve gained at least 14 lbs from my LW and I feel so disgusting. I’m back at school and everyone keeps calling me healthy and commenting how they’re happy to see me eating (ughhhhhhh) and I just feel like everyone who doesn’t know me and my life probably think I just let myself go (ughhhh x10million). I’m feeling so stressed. I keep eating. I also have a huge frame and everyone keeps telling me I should weigh more because of it but sorry I don’t want to be at a BMI of 21+ (and to be frank I don’t want to be at a BMI of 18+ but I’m in recovery 🙄). Just feeling so stressed so I needed to rant.
[Help] When work interferes
/u/bbdoc826
Created: Fri Sep 21 18:34:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hvkmw/when_work_interferes/
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Have been so busy and exhausted from working long hours including 2 >24 hour shifts this week that I have only worked out 1 day and wimpy compared to my usual workout and have been higher restricting thanks to PMS and needing energy at work :(
scale hasn’t budged in a while and yesterday was my first day that nobody commented on my weight loss at work - I was embarrassed and frustrated by the comments but now just feel so huge. Feel like September is going to be a lost month for weight loss and feel further and further from my goals. Any tips for getting back on track or fighting pms cravings??
Soup is great
/u/art_istical [5'5 | CW: 104 | BMI: 17 | GW: 99 | Female]
Created: Fri Sep 21 18:33:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hvkhp/soup_is_great/
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So I'm really high and I've had a great day and I was just contemplating how amazing soup is. I mean you can have just plain veggie broth at 15 cals a cup, or you can throw in veggies in endless combos, with endless spices. Or you can add some coconut milk to a veggie soup and blend it for something creamy. And it's SO GOOD. AND if you add veggies it gives you a chewing opportunity as well, which is good for me anyway. Plus it takes forever to eat and I rarely finish because i get distracted. And it's always so very low calorie. Idk man I just think soup is such a good food.
[Help] Give me low cal products plsss
/u/BigFrameSkinnyAddict
Created: Fri Sep 21 18:28:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hvj7u/give_me_low_cal_products_plsss/
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So imma get 105$ (maybe even more!!!) Tomorrow for doing a photo shoot for the clubcar catalogue, please give me some low calorie products I can buy!!!!!! (Also if anyone knows anything from Sprouts tell me!!!)
How do I feel better after a two day long binge? I feel like crap
/u/thinwishes_ [5'7" | CW 135 lb | GW 125 lb | UGW 120 lb | F]
Created: Fri Sep 21 18:20:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hvhem/how_do_i_feel_better_after_a_two_day_long_binge_i/
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[Rant/Rave] Y’all..
/u/Aquadvrk
Created: Fri Sep 21 18:11:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hvezb/yall/
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My MIL eating a LARGE bag of ruffles w a jar of ranch dip while watching my 600lb life...the irony keeps me up at night. Also while I’m on a multi day fast 🙂🌈🙂🌈🙂🙂🙄
Went for a bike ride and passed out twice...
/u/JayLenoBlows [18 yrs | trans girl | 6’ | GW >120lbs?]
Created: Fri Sep 21 17:59:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hvc0s/went_for_a_bike_ride_and_passed_out_twice/
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I had a freak out about my weight so I took an EC stack and ran off on my bike for an hour and REALLY pushed the pace, but in my haste I neglected to bring water when I was already dehydrated. The Arizona sun on an afternoon like this really did a number on me, not to mention the fact that I didn’t eat today. I hate my eating disorder. I’m supposedly skinny but I’m just abusing the shit out of my body and I can’t even enjoy the results because of my dysmorphia.
Fuck everything
what do you do with leftovers?
/u/Appolinaris9
Created: Fri Sep 21 17:50:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hv9ra/what_do_you_do_with_leftovers/
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So when I dipped into intuitive eating (failed lol, back to restricting because I'm a fatass), I learned that I only need quite small portions to feel satieted and usually leave a few ites behind. I would like to keep being somewhat mindful while still counting calories, but what do I do if I already weighted and logged my food and there's a few bites left? Do you guys just eat that later? Or throw it out and still count it?
[Discussion] Men of Pro/ED how did it start for you?
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | CW: 114 | GW:105 | UGW 100 | F]
Created: Fri Sep 21 16:52:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9huv0g/men_of_proed_how_did_it_start_for_you/
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I’m just curious about your experiences and any similarities or differences.
[Rant/Rave] Wishing i could have my old mindset back.
/u/jazledisko
Created: Fri Sep 21 16:38:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9huri6/wishing_i_could_have_my_old_mindset_back/
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I don't doubt for a second that plenty of you feel the same way but i really needed a vent and i guess maybe some advice on the topic.
I've been intermittent fasting for a good month at least now and whilst initially i seemed to lose almost 3kgs, they've crept right back despite my efforts.
Last night i wound up looking at old photos in my phone and couldn't believe how much smaller i was but i knew very well i was desperately seeking approval from my bf of the time and didn't feel good enough for him at all. My current boyfriend is worlds apart and i just feel so comfortable around him despite him being an absolute babe. Why do i feel like I'm enough for him?? He deserves better than to have this chunky failure on his arm :/
Back then i would eat barely anything and work out heaps but my job didnt need my concentration quite as much as my job now and all i want is to be able to tap into how i felt back then so i could lose the weight as easily as i did before.
Will probably try and attempt a 24hr fast when I'm not at work tomorrow and see if that helps kick start things but god, I'm just so angry at my body right now and feeling so pressured to lose the weight so i don't look like a whale next to my boy :(
Delurking hoping to fit in
/u/Phasianida
Created: Fri Sep 21 16:35:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9huqjd/delurking_hoping_to_fit_in/
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Delurking to introduce myself to everyone. I have an ED hoping to fit in here. Hope to meet some more pro-ED friends.
[Discussion] Body check buddy ?
/u/faddermarn
Created: Fri Sep 21 16:32:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hupqt/body_check_buddy/
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[removed]
[Help] How is bulimia deadly?
/u/throwaway__1893
Created: Fri Sep 21 16:31:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hupnw/how_is_bulimia_deadly/
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Like what complications are there that are deadly?
[Rant/Rave] I am not going to allow myself to feel guilty
/u/lovleybones_
Created: Fri Sep 21 16:22:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9humw7/i_am_not_going_to_allow_myself_to_feel_guilty/
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I am not going to allow myself to feel guilty for drinking a milkshake today with my boyfriend. I’ve forgotten how much I LOVE them.
And after I drank it, I still loved myself.
How about that?
[Rant/Rave] My work passed out free energy drinks and laxatives today
/u/jellybellynashville
Created: Fri Sep 21 16:17:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hulh8/my_work_passed_out_free_energy_drinks_and/
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Wtf??
I work at a retail company so they pass out free shit that we sell all the time. Thanks guys, this is the best gift ever for a person with an ED 😅
[Rant/Rave] Fuck pizza
/u/BigFrameSkinnyAddict
Created: Fri Sep 21 16:16:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hulda/fuck_pizza/
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I havent eaten anything at all today, then went to my nannys house to eat dinner with her and my aunt, and we had pizza and I had 3 slices.... Fuck meeeeeeee I WAS GONNA DO MY FIRST EVER FAST WTFFFFFF I FAILED URGHHHH
[Help] No one eats at my new job and I can’t cope
/u/bulafilly_squad
Created: Fri Sep 21 16:05:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hui6a/no_one_eats_at_my_new_job_and_i_cant_cope/
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Basically I got a new job recently (yay me) and it’s in this little office with max 5 other people. The issue is literally no one in there ever eats?! It really triggers me to the point where I really stress about getting my food out but I’ve been restricting to about 900 a day and I’ve been having lunch so now my stomach will rumble so loud if I don’t eat and it’s so quiet in there 😭 I’ve had multiple cups of coffee but I don’t like it without milk so it’s not exactly calorie free! I don’t know what to doooo, I feel like I can’t eat but my stomach hasn’t shrunk enough yet heeeelllpppp
[Help] how to estimate calories?
/u/UnsweetAlmondMilk
Created: Fri Sep 21 16:04:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9huhlt/how_to_estimate_calories/
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hi, so i’m a long time lurker and i’ve finally decided to post. i’m at boarding school so all my meals are served in a dining hall. i obviously can’t weigh anything and i have no idea how the food has been prepared (oil / butter etc.) i’m so used to strictly counting calories on mfp and i find not knowing how much i’m eating so stressful. how do i accurately estimate calories for food i haven’t made myself? i’ve basically been living off of cucumber and beetroot bc those are the only foods i feel safe eating lol. please help, this is making me irrationally anxious.
My state of mind & weight affects how often I check this subreddit, anyone else?
/u/mermaiddreamsss [5'8 | CW: 131 lbs| GW1 : 125 | -13 lbs]
Created: Fri Sep 21 15:47:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9huctx/my_state_of_mind_weight_affects_how_often_i_check/
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Got two pounds of bloat on me right now, so I haven't been here in a few days. Almost like I don't deserve to be here?
When I'm successfully restricting I'm refreshing for new posts like every 5 minutes. what is my life.
Does anyone feel like vaping can help avoid binges?
/u/rocksnowls
Created: Fri Sep 21 15:38:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9huakj/does_anyone_feel_like_vaping_can_help_avoid_binges/
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Basically at this point I'm insanely desperate to escape this crazily long binge cycle >:'(
[Discussion] No cooking/cheap/low cal food ideas. Help!
/u/coffeeisafood
Created: Fri Sep 21 15:24:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hu6px/no_cookingcheaplow_cal_food_ideas_help/
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I’m staying with family temporarily for the first time since I moved out when I was young. I’m typically no contact because they really put me in a bad mental state, but shit happened and here I am.
My parents are overweight, cook everything in a ridiculous amount of oil and butter, heavy cream, etc. it’s an actual nightmare. The kitchen is filled with chips and little Debbie snacks and it gives me so much anxiety. I was very overweight growing up in their house, and that’s all I can think about is how I’m going to return to that if I’m not careful.
I try to avoid them at all costs, I’m starting a new job this week, and should be able to get a new place within a month. In the mean time, I can’t really cook in their kitchen without being talked to about my eating habits, so my food needs to be kept in my room or an easy grab and go from the fridge.
I have tons of tea, a coffee pot in my room, gum, popcorn, protein powder, and that’s it. I was thinking about getting some better than bullion to make broth. Maybe frozen veg and lean cuisines? Im not sure. I’m trying to save money, keep my sanity, and atleast be semi-functioning for this new job. I feel so overwhelmed here and not being able to cook my safe foods. I was meal prepping but caught a lot of hate for that 🙄 I just have to make it through the next month or so. 😞
What are your favorite lower calorie meals/snacks that don’t require cooking or much prep? Or easy snacks to keep in my room or car? Please help. 😭
[Rant/Rave] Extreme guilt over eating normal/more
/u/ihate-chicken [5’7” | 119 | 18.4 |]
Created: Fri Sep 21 15:02:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hu07e/extreme_guilt_over_eating_normalmore/
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I’ve been so hungry ever since last night and have just been eating sooo much as a result to try and satisfy this extreme hunger. It won’t go away. I’m trying to “binge” on healthy snacks so that I’m not actually consuming many calories but feel full and I just can’t seem to feel full.
I also feel so guilty because I was going to go to the gym but I feel so sad and shitty about myself from these “binges” that I can’t bring myself to go.
Would love some encouragement to go to the gym/help dealing with insane hunger
[Rant/Rave] 92lbs and still the “fat friend”
/u/innocentkitty [5'1.5 | CW: 90 | 17.0 | GW: 85]
Created: Fri Sep 21 14:54:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hty3h/92lbs_and_still_the_fat_friend/
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i’m underweight, i have to buy children’s clothes and jeans because no adult shops carry a 22/28, i’m constantly feeling light headed and tired and nauseous and yet i’m still the fattest of my friends
i thought i might have body dysmorphia, because i figured there’s no way that i can still be the fattest looking of my friends with the stats that i have but NOPE i guess i’m just destined to always be the fat one. i feel so sad that my friends have no issues with food and they don’t have to deal with this but are still skinnier looking than i’ll ever be. fuck.
(for anybody interested in what sparked this i was having a drink with 4 guys playing the drinking app piccolo and one of the cues that came up was “the fattest person and the skinniest person in the room have to drink” (which is so fucking rude anyway i would’ve skipped that if i was in control) and one of my male friends who doesn’t realise i have a problem was like “[me] and [a really skinny guy] drink” and nobody called him out on it and they all just sat there looking really sheepish in a “i can’t believe you actually said that but it’s true” kinda way. he later apologised for what he said but if anything that made it worse because it made me realise he actually meant it)
fucking rip.
[Rant/Rave] I'm eating meals without guilt ......
/u/Xelaalba [165cm | CW52.4kg | 19.2 | GW 50kg | F]
Created: Fri Sep 21 14:39:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9httiq/im_eating_meals_without_guilt/
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........ and all i had to do was start a job where I can restrict all day and burn off most of what I eat :) this is totally sustainable :) i'm tooooootally not setting myself up for terrible thoughts and disordered behaviour on days where i'm NOT standing all day :)
at work my lunch consists of an energy bar and a coffee and when my coworker asks me if i'm hungry i just shrug it off like nah my head isn't spinning, i'm totally NOT exhausted or anything :)
but at least i can eat dinner without hating myself now because i feel like i've 'earned it' in some way
same with breakfast, it's fine now because i literally NEED to eat now, but before i would do nothing all day and i'd feel like a complete slob pig person for eating 3 meals a day
unrelated:
the reverse thinspo there is REAL
some of my coworkers there will eat the most disgustingly rich stuff for lunch, and then they'll talk to me about wanting to lose weight while i'm standing there like ? ?? u can start by not eating a 600 calorie, cheese-filled wrap for lunch everyday
my ED makes me such a judgemental bitch tbh but i can't help myself
[Discussion] Does IF or general fasting work?
/u/queenofbo0ks [5'6 | CW:148.5lbs | GW: 129lbs | UGW: 112lbs | 20F]
Created: Fri Sep 21 14:32:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9htrke/does_if_or_general_fasting_work/
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I felt like shit today because I ate very little calories up until dinner (homemade cauliflower pizza w veggies) and my dinner was so calorie rich that I just felt like giving up and staying fat forever. Counting calories frustrates me a lot.
I did read a lot about people fasting or doing IF lately and I was wondering if it truly works and how to stay fasting? I sometimes have those days where I do not feel the need to eat AT ALL, but on other days I just eat everything that's in the kitchen.
Does anyone have any experience with this and if so, how do I start/keep up the fasting? I want to start by doing it half a day I think, then maybe a whole day and so further on.
FML
/u/funnyhappygirl123
Created: Fri Sep 21 14:27:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9htqa8/fml/
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Welp my roommate who already suspects that I'm anorexic just walked in on me doing a no-jumping workout while watching Stephanie Buttermore's 10K challenge at 2 in the morning. I've officially reached a new low.
[Rant/Rave] someone befriend me i cant do this alone anymore
/u/aha98
Created: Fri Sep 21 14:20:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9htobb/someone_befriend_me_i_cant_do_this_alone_anymore/
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First time posting here, been lurking for a long time.
This is going to be quite long.
I was supposed to go out tonight and didn’t know what to wear so obviously I had to try my whole wardrobe on.
NOTHING FITS AS IT USED TO! All I want is to scream and cry.
It’s not like I’ve gained a massive amount of weight but I clearly was wayyy smaller than I thought around this time last year (fuck body dysmorphia) and none of my old clothes look good anymore. And I refuse to get larger ones.
I ended up staying at home and feeling miserable about myself.
I’m done with this bullshit attempt at recovery. I wasn’t even underweight to begin with. All I’ve done this past 6 months or so is gain weight. I know some of it is muscle cause I’ve been lifting and it’s pretty visible. But guess who spent way too much time doing bicep curls? Arms are huge and some shirts don’t fit anymore.
I feel like I have no one to talk to. My friends (who know about my ed) will probably tell me I look healthier now (I still don’t get how they thought I looked sick before cause I wasn’t even underweight???) and my parents (who don’t know about my ed) will probably tell me to just lose weight but not so much (because apparently they also thought I looked sick *facepalms*)
The past two years have been horrible regarding my eating habits and it really affected my grades, especially last semester. Uni keeps getting harder and this semester I clearly won’t have time for that b/p bullshit. I’m afraid will fuck up and ruin my future.
So anyways I start restricting now because I always am more organised in every aspect of life when I’m in control of my eating.
Hopefully I’ll get back to where I was (and maybe look even better because of the muscle??)
I feel like this is the only place where I can find people who understand.
[Goal] 44 hour fast, proud of my self!
/u/Personal102 [17M | GW:130 | H: 6'0"| CW:160 | ]
Created: Fri Sep 21 14:16:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9htn21/44_hour_fast_proud_of_my_self/
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I was really aiming for 72 hours, but it would be impossible as I'm being forced to go out tomorrow for breakfast ;( I was going to wait until tomorrow morning to eat but I have to drive later and could barely see straight. Anyways I'm still so proud of myself for making it 44 hours, which is my longest fast ever. Didn't binge after either, and only ate 1500 calories which is a good amount of calories for 2 days worth of restricting (2500 calorie deficit :D) I'm so happy with myself!
I can only exist in the extremes
/u/lilmdjd [5'3 | CW: 130 | HW: 147 | LW: 115 | 23F]
Created: Fri Sep 21 14:10:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9htl6i/i_can_only_exist_in_the_extremes/
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I hate that I am like this. I want so desperately to be able to just be moderate. Balanced. To exist in a space of effortless moderation. It is like my brain just can not grasp anything but the extremes. I tried to eat maintenance yesterday (~1500) and ended up at 2000. I know it’s not the end of the world but that makes 2 higher calorie days in a row. And rationally I know my hunger was in response to my restriction and exercise and that I needed the food, and my weekly average is still 1200/day. But I am still mad I couldn’t stay in the middle ground. It’s like when I start eating I can’t stop. Something turns on. And when I stop eating its so easy to stop pretty much entirely. My options are 700 cal a day or 2000 apparently.
So now I’m left in this place where the part of me that wants to slow down this relapse feels guilty bc im definitely fasting til Sunday after those two high cal days. And the ed part of me feels guilty bc of the high cal days. It’s like I just can’t fucking win.
My plan is to fast 48 hrs, drink a fuck ton of water to flush out all this water weight and then on Monday I’m upping my daily calories to 1000 and going back to IF.
DAE get incredibly cold after binging?
/u/notlubglubs [5'4 | 139 | 24.33 | -12 | F]
Created: Fri Sep 21 14:08:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9htkkg/dae_get_incredibly_cold_after_binging/
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Or even after a medium to large meal? I always get this and and it's like a deep, penetrating cold that makes it difficult to not just curl up and shiver.
It's funny because even when I'm severely restricting I feel warmer and more energised, because the amounts I eat are small enough to not set off those ~20 minutes of being freezing.
Anybody else that gets this feeling? I'm actually overweight rn so it's not even a low bodyweight thing.
What are your favorite zero/low calorie beverages and snacks to keep stocked at home?
/u/Swanhilda
Created: Fri Sep 21 14:07:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9htkfz/what_are_your_favorite_zerolow_calorie_beverages/
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Need ideas for grocery shopping because I’m tired of eating the same things
Newbie here, Recommendations on zero/low calorie things?
/u/Swanhilda
Created: Fri Sep 21 13:56:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hth8d/newbie_here_recommendations_on_zerolow_calorie/
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I’ve never tried loosing weight before, I’ve just always been small. Even after pregnancy I dropped back down to my natural weight of 103-105 (I’m 5’3) within two months. I would say this is genetics because I have “normal” eating habits. But I am very harsh on myself about my weight and always feel/look “skinny fat” and flabby no matter what, so I definitely have an unhealthy body image.
Well cue a divorce and depression and lots of fast food and I now weigh the most I ever have (without being pregnant) at about 113-115 (I don’t have a scale at the moment so I’m not sure exactly)
I want to get down to 100-105 again as quickly as possible. I want to cut out meals and instead drink lots of liquids and eat low calorie snacks. And I want to incorporate this type of diet into my life more, since I comfort eat gross foods way too often, which is not only expensive and unhealthy but makes me feel bad about myself afterward.
I’ve seen things mentioned on here like Coke Zero and zero calorie jello and such.
I just need a list of things to get at the grocery store that will keep my alive and keep my tummy content while I drop the pounds.
Thanks for the help!
[Rant/Rave] Thanksgiving is Almost 2 Months Away & I'm Already Getting Anxious....
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Fri Sep 21 13:54:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9htgjt/thanksgiving_is_almost_2_months_away_im_already/
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This sucks. I HATE Thanksgiving. It sucks because my parents are divorced so I already am obligated to go to 2+ Thanksgiving dinners. I also am currently living with my boyfriend and his family is quite large, so we'll have to do Thanksgiving dinner(s) with them too.
I'm a 24 year old woman and I literally cried this morning just thinking about this holiday. I feel so dumb. I love my family but they're so dysfunctional and everyone is basically an alcoholic and I honestly don't even want to celebrate Thanksgiving. All I'll get is comments like "Wow you need to gain weight, eat more!" or "Why don't you eat this?" or "Wow you lost a lot of weight."
FUCK.
[Rant/Rave] On shopping, clothes and self image.
/u/3cats_in_atrenchcoat
Created: Fri Sep 21 13:45:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9htdy9/on_shopping_clothes_and_self_image/
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How do people *enjoy* shopping for clothes? I'm genuinely baffled.
My girlfriend wants to take me to some fancy steak house (which is completely a waste of money for me, but she has really wanted to go for a long time) and I literally have nothing fancier in my wardrobe then some office wear and an old summer dress in horrendous coral.
I've been stalking the halls of this mall for 2 hours and been to like 5 different stores. Dresses are the worst thing to shop for on the planet.
Everything is just making me look like an eel in a tube sock, all bunched and drab or tight and bulging. Either hanging like a sack off me or squashing me until I feel like a trussed up roast.
Everything on the racks is just a waiting insult. Most of the clothing is tasteful and nice and I can picture the bodies these clothes where made for and none of it's for me. Yes I get it, I'm picky but it feels like every time I'm trying something on I'm failing, not meeting expectations. I honestly don't have a lot going for me so I try to make it up to her by at least being a pretty package but that's not an option.
I don't have a body that can be made beautiful , it's all lipstick on a pig and they don't even have my colour.
[Rant/Rave] binge rant :(
/u/cowboyhatcowboyhat
Created: Fri Sep 21 13:38:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9htbuu/binge_rant/
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i feel so disgusting. ive been eating around 800 cals a day recently, not that low but i have to function for work and college. i knew i would probably eventually go a bit over, i go under quite often so i wasn't feeling too nervous, but today i ended up eating like 300 cals worth of rice cakes ??? which r usually a safe food for me. and i went over. felt so weirded out and greedy and over the last hour or so ive had a nakd bar (135c), a protein flapjack(140c), some vegan apple cake(???) and literally 200g of these kind of gross organic dried apricots (a completely disgusting 480c). SO much sugar and SO many calories im so repulsed by myself. i can't believe ive done this i haven't felt this full in so long im rly not typically a binger. i would have purged (not something i do super often anymore but i just want this food out of me) but my teeth aren't up to it, i rly damaged the backs of my front teeth when i used to purge and ive had some rly bad tooth pain recently and i just can't deal with it getting any worse . im not even allowed to eat acidic foods like apples and grapes atm let alone stomach acid :^/
i stayed home tonight to work on college stuff instead of going and seeing my boyfriend, partially because i was worried his dad would make me dinner, which he often does and he makes such lovely healthy vegan food but i was afraid of the calories. and now ive done this ?? and i haven't even done any college work. i actually want to die all i think about is restricting and now ive ruined it
[Rant/Rave] Got screamed at by my emotionally abusive parent
/u/coffeeandcamels [5"4.5 | 17.1 | CW: 101 | UGW: 90]
Created: Fri Sep 21 13:37:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9htbcv/got_screamed_at_by_my_emotionally_abusive_parent/
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So I'm living with my dad for college. I got a full ride 8 hours away from home and figured, hey, why not live with the emotionally abusive man who I mostly blame for my ED?
That probably sounds horrible but his emotional abuse, mental health issues (including binge eating, he morbidly obese), and his lovely demeanor really spurned my anxiety/depression from childhood, which go hand in hand with my anorexia. I know EDs are mostly genetic/neurological but he didn't help.
But I hated my dorm experience last year and decided I could deal with him for 2 more years. I get money back if I commute and it didn't seem like a horrible idea. I start my job at Starbucks on Monday and I commute so I rarely see him.
He flipped his shit today. Came in screaming about me taking my car to a mechanic, yelled at me for my bumper sticker (vote Beto if y'all are in Texas!) and told me I'm so stupid and can't pull my head out of my ass, the usual. Started throwing shit. Told me he wouldn't have a democrat in his house and to get out. So I went to my neighbors for a few hours. I think he's at work now but I'm just a mess.
BUT MAIN ED POINT: I am happy with the water weight I shed from crying!!! Jk but I chewed and spit out of stress and feel like shit but I also know I'll stay out of the house more so I can avoid food! I'll try to pick as many shifts as possible once I'm trained.
I love life!!!
[Discussion] DAE get super warm when they IF/OMAD?
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2, 146, -16, 21F]
Created: Fri Sep 21 13:20:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ht6kg/dae_get_super_warm_when_they_ifomad/
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On days where fast all day until dinner I start feeling very hot a couple hours into the fasted part. Like could be in a cooler and still my face is bright red and I feel just inconsolably warm. I guzzle ice water, Turn the AC way up but nothing really helps. Then I eat and it goes away? I know being cold is a symptom of low restricting/fasting, but burning up?
I’m so weird and embarrassing
/u/jellybellynashville
Created: Fri Sep 21 13:17:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ht5er/im_so_weird_and_embarrassing/
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I c/s in the bathroom at work every day... usually a snickers bar or two. I try to spit it out in toilet paper (along with as much chocolatey spit as possible) and just flush it away. Somehow the toilet paper became too wet or I completely missed and spit it all over my pants and the floor. Yay go me now I have chocolate spit all over my pants and had to sit in the stall and wait out my stall neighbor leaving so they didn’t question me on the big brown splatter.
[Other] 2 months b/p free + no restricting
/u/mipiacelapizza
Created: Fri Sep 21 13:04:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ht1nv/2_months_bp_free_no_restricting/
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I don't know how but yeah, I think I did it. It's been 2 years since I've decided to stop this hole thing. Sometimes I failed but eventually I'd start again, I'm still learning to listen to my body and I still get some bad thoughts but I try to keep them away. Please don't give up. You deserve to be happy🌼
Doctor visit
/u/httpram
Created: Fri Sep 21 12:53:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hsybb/doctor_visit/
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i went to my doctor today! I got diagnosed with a million different mental issues and my BMI is a little in the overweight range but he said my
jawline looked smaller since last time i saw him!!!!!!! im so happy. he was worried i would get sick by only eating 700 cals during the week but he said i looked smaller... i’m so happy
$105 HERE I COMEEE
/u/BigFrameSkinnyAddict
Created: Fri Sep 21 12:32:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hsrvq/105_here_i_comeee/
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So my aunt just called me and asked if I wanted to do another modeling thing for clubcar (I know its stupid shuuuuu) and I agreed but then I was like o h s h i t because I realised pictures of me would be on catalogs for the golfcarts o h n o but at least I get 105$ 😅
[Rant/Rave] Couldn’t even handle a fun size snickers...
/u/SourRoach420
Created: Fri Sep 21 12:22:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hsotp/couldnt_even_handle_a_fun_size_snickers/
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So in my biochem class the professor handed out candy to us to eat after class. I usually always walk out with my friend and she wanted candy so I waited in line with her and told myself that I would be a normal person and eat one piece. She ended up taking 2 so I also took 2.
As soon as we parted ways I could feel the candy melting in my hand and my stomach was growling from the high restricting I’ve done this month. I wanted chocolate so bad and I told myself I’ve been good and deserved one piece. As soon as I put the one piece in my mouth I instantly felt the urge to C/S.
I wanted to swallow so bad... But I knew it wasn’t worth worrying about the extra calories all day. I ran to the bathroom and hid in a stall before I put the other piece in my mouth. As soon as I felt the chocolate starting to creep towards the back of my throat, I spit both bars into an empty water bottle in my backpack.
Why can’t I just be normal? Why do I feel the need to look up the calories in a fun size snickers before I eat it? I’m fed up with starving myself and eating egg whites and pickles for my one meal a day. I’m sick of weighing everything I eat and drink. God I’m disgusting, but I can’t stop.
-Rant over. Thank you for listening
I HIT 99LBS! (5'1)
/u/namjoon1994
Created: Fri Sep 21 12:08:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hsk5y/i_hit_99lbs_51/
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what is going on!! I've weighed 101 for weeks now.. suddenly got down to 100 and this morning im 99!!
Food before alcohol?
/u/tonithepony [5'7 | SW: 272 | CW: 213 | GW: Not disgusting]
Created: Fri Sep 21 12:05:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hsj2o/food_before_alcohol/
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i usually do a 500 cal OMAD but i dont want to do that before drinking (too much food) - do you have any suggestions of something small i can eat before drinking so i don't get sick?
[Help] chronic pain and ed??
/u/transedthrowaway
Created: Fri Sep 21 12:01:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hshg9/chronic_pain_and_ed/
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Heeeey, so I'm wondering if anybody else here deals with a chronic pain condition as well as ED? If so, have you found a way to manage it so your pain doesn't get in the way of what you're trying to achieve wrt weight loss?
I ask because I'm stuck with fibromyalgia and it's been kicking my ass and making me miserable every time I try to incorporate some exercise into my routine. Two days ago I ran for only 12 minutes and did just 7 minutes of pilates and because of it I was stuck in bed almost all day yesterday because my muscles were pretty much screaming in agony and making me regret even thinking of working out. So yesterday night I forced myself to just do 7 measly minutes of pilates and no running to see if that helped me, but NOPE. It's today and my body is once again screaming at me lmfao.
I just want to be able to work out but it's like thete's no way for me to do that without my muscle pain making me regret my entire existence the following day
[Rant/Rave] I used to starve myself as a replacement for cutting, but now eating feels more like self harm.
/u/justonenon-blonde [5'3| CW: 115.2 |GW: 98 |-22| F]
Created: Fri Sep 21 11:55:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hsfne/i_used_to_starve_myself_as_a_replacement_for/
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I hate myself when I give in and binge. I hate feeling full and I hate how much I throw up.
Starving used to be a way to punish myself, but it turns out the feeling of gorging myself is so much worse because it reminds me of how weak and pathetic I am.
​
tough day today, sending out love to anyone else who needs it right now <3
[Discussion] DAE not care about the media?
/u/_Spicy_Lemon_ [5'6 | CW 131.5 | GW 120 | UGW 100| F]
Created: Fri Sep 21 11:54:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hsf24/dae_not_care_about_the_media/
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Sorry I've been posting & commenting so much lately. Life has be unexpectedly shitty & I have very few outlets irl & none for anything ED related at this point.
Anyhow I don't feel like the media has influenced my restriction or why I keep going down this rabbit hole. Or even why I had weight issues as a child. I do love fashion but it's more abstract & personal. Occasionally I feel triggered by people but mostly myself. Idk Does anyone else feel like they are just this way & not because of anyone else?
[Discussion] DAE have a specific place that they need to eat to make it feel like it was “worth it”?
/u/Lillie1990 [20F| 5’4 | CW 122.2 | GW 110]
Created: Fri Sep 21 11:45:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hsc2w/dae_have_a_specific_place_that_they_need_to_eat/
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Whenever I eat I have to prepare it in my kitchen and then take it to my room so I can get comfortable in my bed and lay down with a show on or browsing reddit and eat it comfortably (whether that means taking a small bite every few minutes or inhaling that shit in 30 seconds depends on the day). If I eat like, standing in my kitchen or at the dinner table it feels like l wasted it. Does anyone else have that specific place that makes food feel worth it?? I still experience the same guilt after eating I just almost feel like I didn’t even eat if I don’t eat in bed hahaha
reddi whip
/u/HotMessCentral [5'2.5" | 97 | 17.5 | -4.5 | F(Recovery)]
Created: Fri Sep 21 11:33:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hs7uj/reddi_whip/
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Okay so I know a lot of y'all are looking for lighter ice cream/don't like some of the common ones and I am here with a suggestion. So I'm in recovery and on a whim I froze some reddi whip to make ice cream and it was so good at only 120 calories per cup and way cheaper than Halo Top. I used normal but you could use fat free to cut down on calories to only 40 (!) or non-dairy for 80. There's even chocolate hersheys whipped cream or reddi whip (80 and 120 respectively) and peanut butter (120).
Can I just induce a flu
/u/adjustyourinsides
Created: Fri Sep 21 11:16:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hs1w0/can_i_just_induce_a_flu/
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I just want to lose five pounds without trying. Just barf and watch netflix for a few days. I don’t want to go to work i have such bad anxiety today.
[Help] Bulimics: how long does it take for red eyes to fade??
/u/Catii24 [5'4" | CW: 128.8 | GW: 108 | Female]
Created: Fri Sep 21 10:59:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hrw6r/bulimics_how_long_does_it_take_for_red_eyes_to/
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Think I’ve burst some capillaries from straining?? Been purging for years but might have overdone it. My eyes aren’t usually still red and swollen all day afterwards :(
Delurking!! Hope we can be friends!
/u/alienatkerba
Created: Fri Sep 21 10:55:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hrutn/delurking_hope_we_can_be_friends/
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Hello, I'm Alien and I'm newish to reddit and this sub in particular. Been reading for a few weeks and thought I'd say hi. A bit about me, I'm 32, been a member on and off in various online ed communities since I was 17 or so. I'm trying to get back to a comfortable size after being on and off steroids for my autoimmune disease for about two years. I've fluctuated a lot over the last few years, and the time on Prednisone really messed with my appetite and self-perception.
Currently I've been restricting to 800 calories or less per day for the past two weeks, and planning to continue for another two weeks when I'll be meeting a comedienne at a local show who I've been a fan of for years. She is so tiny and hilarious so I just want to not look like a big dumb creepy whale standing next to her in the after show selfie.
I got here because I started restricting as a teenager when I realized that being at a higher weight influences people's perception negatively in all ways. At lower weights my weirdness is seen as cute and quirky, higher weights it comes off as creepy and annoying. I'm taken more seriously and more easily accepted into social interactions at a lower weight. My career is very male-dominated, so being taken seriously and accepted easily is important if I ever want to be really successful. All the really powerful women in my field are gaunt, androgynous ass-kickers, so I know it's gotta be a factor for real and not just in my head. My whole future and continued success will be heavily affected if I don't maintain an acceptable appearance. I hope I don't sound too negative because I really like my work and I also like controlling my caloric intake so it's all good.
Anyway, enough navel gazing. I just thought y'all all might appreciate knowing who is reading in here and I hope we can all be good friends 😀😬💖
[Help] I just binged so bad I can breathe well. And I’m so full of shame.
/u/Samantha039 [5'3" | 31F]
Created: Fri Sep 21 10:47:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hrs0a/i_just_binged_so_bad_i_can_breathe_well_and_im_so/
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I just.... it was so much food. I just couldn’t stop. I looked at it. And wanted to stop. I watched myself. Just bite after bite. Now I’ve hit the labored breathing stage where I have to lean back and just breathe because I can’t bare to move. I’m. So. Full that I’m nauseous. I don’t purge. I can’t. I want to. But can’t.
I... what the hell. I was going so well. And today isn’t a bad mental day, I just sat down to have a normal lunch with my normal coworkers on a normal day. I didn’t eat a normal meal. I ordered and ate a massive (don’t want to talk about specifics). I ate my food and theirs and I.. goddamn. What. I can’t even describe.
My heart is pounding and racing. My eyes are sleepy and I just want to cry. I’m climbing into a food coma and I just can’t bare it. I was being so good to myself.
What the fuck happened.
[Discussion] DAE way more productive when starving?
/u/foulmeister
Created: Fri Sep 21 10:46:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hrru3/dae_way_more_productive_when_starving/
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I swear i am way more energetic and its easier to get things done when i keep the calories low. Completely cleaned the bathroom, my bedroom, and half the living room in a matter of two days (and my house is kinda nasty tbh. Nobody ever really cleans)
I will never be skinny enough to attract white men
/u/aceshighsays [5'2" | +9.2 | LW: 107.8 | GW: 95]
Created: Fri Sep 21 10:35:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hro6k/i_will_never_be_skinny_enough_to_attract_white_men/
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Met someone from Tinder and a few hours before meeting him I asked what he was looking for. He gave a half assed response, and I told him that I was looking for friends only. I didn't mention that I'm seeing someone. Anyway, I meet up with the guy and we were talking about food and he said that I weigh like 120 or 130. I got offended and told him so. I will never be skinny enough to attract white men :(
[Rant/Rave] I slipped back into old habits
/u/thenumberonemariho
Created: Fri Sep 21 10:30:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hrmdw/i_slipped_back_into_old_habits/
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Welp, it finally happened. I broke up with my SO and was feeling angry and sad, so I binge ate. I was literally doing so well before this, but now I feel disgusted with myself. Ew. Any advice?
[Rant/Rave] the whole “i like THICKER girls” bs men say
/u/band-aide [5'5.5 | CW: 126 | BMI: 21 | F/19]
Created: Fri Sep 21 10:29:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hrm49/the_whole_i_like_thicker_girls_bs_men_say/
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it’s such bullshit. when i’m at a higher weight i barely get attention from men and it fuels my dysmorphia. when i’m starving and thinner, guys find me incredibly attractive and flirt with me a ton.
the whole “i love CURVES” feels like empty lies to me. i don’t really change anything to impress men, but when i’m skinnier and have a foggy ED brain with less inhibitions and i’m more sarcastic men for some reason are all over it. when i’m eating whatever i want and i’m an anxious mess they couldn’t care less about me. it’s just something i’ve noticed the past few years personally. anyone else experience shit like this and it fuels their ED? i find when i restrict i’m a bit more narcissistic and unapologetic as well.
[Rant/Rave] Waking up to random bruises; a series
/u/lowfatavocado [5'6.5 | cw 119.5 | BMI 19 | gw 105 | 23F]
Created: Fri Sep 21 10:24:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hrkae/waking_up_to_random_bruises_a_series/
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https://i.redd.it/xpit5vybbmn11.jpg
[Discussion] Spicy Brown Mustard for appetite control
/u/eva1588
Created: Fri Sep 21 10:02:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hrcko/spicy_brown_mustard_for_appetite_control/
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I dont know why but if I have spicy brown mustard (0 cals) it totally helps me not be hungry and it is very satisfying. It HAS to be the spicy brown mustard, not reg or Dijon. Ill use it as a dip for raw veggies, carrots, cucumbers, celery, and it is super satisfying. Anyone else use this magical condiment? Or have any other low cal/no cal condiment/dip recommendations? Love this stuff.
Has anyone tried non invasive lipo (ultrasonic cavitation or laser)?
/u/Anonymous_fiend [5'3 | CW:115lbs | HW:145 LW:83]
Created: Fri Sep 21 09:52:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hr998/has_anyone_tried_non_invasive_lipo_ultrasonic/
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There's some great deals on it in Miami currently since it's after summer. Is it worth $$$ to lose 2 inches on the waist. Does it even work? I'd go for minimum 6 treatments and a touch up treatment ever other month to keep more toned. Zerona and verashape look decent bc coolsculpting is over $300 per treatment with discount. I'm 115 lbs but I'm pear shaped so it sticks to my stomach which I hate. Any experiences here with lipo?
My boyfriends body sort of triggers me...
/u/skydiver89 [5'4" CW 133 GW 125 UGW 115]
Created: Fri Sep 21 09:52:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hr97c/my_boyfriends_body_sort_of_triggers_me/
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I've never been jealous of a guys body..but damn, my boyfriend seems like he has no fat on his body. But he's also not skinny. He's like a bit below average...ugh wtf, I don't know how to describe it. But I wish I was smaller than him. His ex was shorter and definitely under 100 lbs. I must look like a whale to him, hahaha...FML.
why am I such an ass
/u/cortizonegnome [5'3" | bingetastic CW: 107 | GW 92 | UGW 88 | F]
Created: Fri Sep 21 09:33:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hr2th/why_am_i_such_an_ass/
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god damn I keep forgetting that I'm technically a normal weight so when I complain abt being fat and wanting to lose weight it really offends the people around me adsfda. I normally am good at keeping these thoughts to myself (esp bc I can vent here) but I'm on my period and I told my friend (we're not that close tho) how gross and bloated I felt and I let slip the Actual number which ofc is technically a healthy weight and she didn't say anything but i saw her face and she made This Face and looked so annoyed and then i realized that we're abt the same height but she's probably like 15 lbs heavier than me and asdfasd Fuck I'm so bad at social relationships she probably thinks im so annoying now ugh. she was like "oh hm" and I Immediately was like "shit." and changed topics:/
Eat a defecit every day - gain weight unless severely restricting - fabulous!!!
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 95 | 17 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Fri Sep 21 09:04:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hqstl/eat_a_defecit_every_day_gain_weight_unless/
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I’m sitting in the bathroom crying because I weigh 100 lbs and pretty sure I have to officially update my flair. I got down to 92 lbs and shared to get really sick so I decided to start eating one or two meals a day - still keeping a decent defecit. I also started a new job where I’m getting anywhere from 10,000-30,000 steps a day. Yesterday I get on the scale - 100lbs - holy crap I want to die. So all day yesterday all I had was a protein bar and a wrap and like 50 glasses of water. I got 25,000 steps at work. Wake up this morning - 100.5. Perfect. Just great. Not only am I going to be fat again (and already feeling huge and seeing it in my stomach) but it doesn’t seem to matter what I do unless I eat NOTHING. Either I’m losing or I’m gaining - there’s no in between - it makes no sense :(
I feel like such a mess
/u/hope_fiend
Created: Fri Sep 21 09:03:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hqsau/i_feel_like_such_a_mess/
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I have a huge binge eating problem. I have purged a few times and love it in some really fucked up way...my old roommate was deaf so there was no risk of being caught, but now I’m too afraid of my roommates hearing me and telling my landlord. In the past I would restrict...I think it’s possible that triggered the binges but I don’t know. It’s gotten much worse since I stopped drinking/using drugs. I feel like a mess - I got sober and my life is supposed to be better but I can’t stop eating.
I’ve always thought I was fat but didn’t start really gaining weight until the end of high school. My parents used to call me fat, put me on diets, etc even though looking back at old pictures...I really wasn’t. But it broke something in my brain I guess and now I’m out of fucking control and hate myself.
I’ve started moving toward restriction again and god damn do I wish I could just rail adderall like I used to while fasting...or try the whole ephedrine/caffeine thing but I know that counts as a relapse and I’m trying so hard to hang onto my sobriety.
I’m so fucking fat, and I hate myself so much, and part of me wants to just have a normal non-fucked relationship with food but the other part of me just wants to get better at restricting. I miss that buzzy feeling I’d get from restricting and taking stimulants.
I just wanted to rant...sorry for being such a mess.
[Goal] 3 Pounds from my UGW and underweight and still fat
/u/whatsupbitchezzz [19F | 5'2" | CW 108 | SW 130 | GW2-105 UGW-95]
Created: Fri Sep 21 08:47:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hqn47/3_pounds_from_my_ugw_and_underweight_and_still_fat/
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My ugw was 105 for the longest time, then i switched it to 102 (one pound above underweight for my height). Well, I'm 105. Not only am I not happy, not only did I not have any kind of euphoria whatsoever when I stepped on the scale and finally saw the number after working at it for 2 years and losing almost 30 pounds, I'm less happy than I was when I was fat and ugly. And I'm still fat. Less fat, sure, but I'm not thin, and I don't understand because I was soooo sure that I would be happy when I got here. What should I do/can anyone relate?
[Intro] Newbie first post
/u/isapc
Created: Fri Sep 21 08:23:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hqeac/newbie_first_post/
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Hi guys! I’m new here. I stumbled upon this sub by accident and am really happy with the positive atmosphere vibes I get from reading everyone’s posts.
I don’t know if I have an eating disorder, but I have been “dieting” and watching my weight ever since I can remember. Even as a child (~7) I wasn’t able to eat the same things everyone ate because I would gain weight very easily. My mom used to tell me how I had to be careful (I grew up around very thin cousins with very fast metabolisms and if I followed their eating habits I would gain very fast).
Fast forward 12 years later (still dieting) I stumble upon this subreddit and relate a lot to some of you guys posts.
I’m really looking forward to being a member of this subreddit and hope to learn/relate from everyone here!
Thanks for reading!
random question, how to add that snippet next to my name with my physical stats?
I can’t make people find me attractive but I can fix my body
/u/Isaidbiiiitttttttchh [Height 5’9”| HW:216| CW:150 | GW: 132 Gender: F]
Created: Fri Sep 21 08:07:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hq8r4/i_cant_make_people_find_me_attractive_but_i_can/
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Well after being repeatedly turned down last night I’ve decided to sink all of my efforts into having the perfect body.
I can make guys find me attractive but with work I can get down to a new low weight and get great at running.
Yaaaaaaaaay for healthy thoughts......
Light ice cream better than halo top
/u/lowfatavocado [5'6.5 | cw 119.5 | BMI 19 | gw 105 | 23F]
Created: Fri Sep 21 08:03:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hq74z/light_ice_cream_better_than_halo_top/
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I was just wondering if anyone has tried the light ice cream brand called Enlightened. It's , in my opinion, way better than halo top. Anyone ever try it?
Also! Question about light ice creams. On the nutrition label they usually say , for example , sugars 5g erythritol 5g. So that's stating that the sugar in the ice cream is the erythritol OR that there's sugar aaannndd erythritol in the ice cream? I think I know the answer but my ED desperately wants it to be that there's only erythritol in the ice cream lol.
Thanks y'all.
[Discussion] DAE hate people commenting on their weight loss in public?
/u/refinnejjjj
Created: Fri Sep 21 07:37:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hpygj/dae_hate_people_commenting_on_their_weight_loss/
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A guy I worked with just said to me in front of like 4 other people “you’ve lost so much weight recently” (I haven’t lost that much) and tbf it made me happy that people noticed but also ????? It made me soooooo uncomfortable lol what do you say in that situation??? Thanks for noticing I hate myself when I eat sometimes??? Haha oh life
[Other] [NSFW] [NSFL] I inadvertently drew two variations of thinspo whilst doodling in class lol. Thought it apt to post here
/u/EvilSheepUprising
Created: Fri Sep 21 07:20:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hpshw/nsfw_nsfl_i_inadvertently_drew_two_variations_of/
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https://i.redd.it/wifycb6feln11.jpg
My ED gave me a purpose...
/u/nyanyachan99
Created: Fri Sep 21 07:19:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hps64/my_ed_gave_me_a_purpose/
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And without it I feely so empty and just useless... Like I was so good at loosing weight >.<
[Tip] ED pro tip: buy clothes when you feel fat
/u/Throwaway17898753 [5'11" | CW 171 | GW 175 | -101 | 35M]
Created: Fri Sep 21 07:10:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hpp8k/ed_pro_tip_buy_clothes_when_you_feel_fat/
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So I hit up thrift stores and such when you’re up a little in weight for whatever reason. I’ll buy a thing or two and then the next time I wear it, I’ll remember “you bought this when you were a whale, so it’s gotta look better on you now”. Most of the time it works to trick the ED/Dismorphya.
[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! September 21, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Sep 21 06:12:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hp5d3/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread/
---
This is the weekly picture thread for September 21, 2018.
Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!
1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**
2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*
3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.
4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD
**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**
*****
Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! September 21, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Sep 21 06:12:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hp5bd/daily_food_diary_september_21_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for September 21, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Rant/Rave] [RAVE] I HAD A WHOOSH AND BROKE INTO THE 130s
/u/Thtcrazygiraffe
Created: Fri Sep 21 06:07:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hp3go/rave_i_had_a_whoosh_and_broke_into_the_130s/
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Oh my god guys!!!!!! I had my first whoosh!!! I’ve been bouncing around in the 140s (im 5’11”) this whole summer, never making any real progress, and then this week I fasted once and was good about restricting other days, except yesterday I ate at maintenance so I thought I fucked it all up. BUT THIS MORNING THE SCALE SAID 138! AND THAT WAS WITH ME WEARING JEANS AND A SWEATER! I was 143 yesterday and was initially too scared to weigh myself this morning but omg im so happy.
Peace and blessings to y’all, I’m converting my happiness to good energy and sending it over to anyone who is having a rough time!
What's the weirdest thing extreme hunger has made you do?
/u/Pollyhotpocketposts
Created: Fri Sep 21 05:45:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9howzq/whats_the_weirdest_thing_extreme_hunger_has_made/
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Heavy cream, boiled eggs, olive oil and PB in a mug eaten with a spoon...why would you choose this brain? We had normal food options available!
[Rant/Rave] In a bad place - rant
/u/strawberriesnsymone [5'9"| CW: too much | -29 | F]
Created: Fri Sep 21 05:37:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9houqp/in_a_bad_place_rant/
---
I'm having a tough time right now .... I am going back to the Intensive Outpatient Program in my city October 2nd and this will be the second time. I am really nervous and scared. If I fail at this again (plus the inpatient and regular therapy I've already had) I might get recommended residential treatment. Which would mean having to leave the state. And take more time off work. I'm reducing my hours to part-time to go to IOP again, I already took a month off in Feb. to go inpatient, and I don't know how much more my boss will let me get away with ... Even though that kind of thing is probably covered under FMLA ... I don't know, my anxiety is crazy right now. I know this is only a slight possibility, but it's freaking me out.
It really just adds the icing on top that I can't stop this disordered behavior, even though I am afraid of what's in store. The ed part of my brain is just begging me to lose as much weight as possible before IOP starts. The rational part wants to actually try this time and even though it will be scary, persist anyway. I don't know. I just can't stop. I guess my fear of gaining weight is bigger than my fear of treatment? I feel so lost.
​
[Discussion] DAE do this...
/u/frozensun202
Created: Fri Sep 21 05:37:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9houlf/dae_do_this/
---
DAE avoid booking holidays or going away on holidays because they are scared of looking fat in a bikini or summer clothes and don’t want anyone to see them that way?
[Rant/Rave] School- the worst thinspo
/u/BigFrameSkinnyAddict
Created: Fri Sep 21 05:30:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hosok/school_the_worst_thinspo/
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So today is a half day and normally I go to the bathroom before class right? Well today a bunch of girls were in there too including one of my friends. She starts randomly squeezing this other girl saying "omg you're so tiny!!!" And then proceeds to grab MY ARMS and wraps them around the girl "omg isnt she just so tiny?!" I felt like a piece of shit like I fucking get it theyre are naturally skinny ass girls in my school 😭
Any bulimics with lip fillers out there?
/u/littlegoldsmith
Created: Fri Sep 21 05:13:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hont7/any_bulimics_with_lip_fillers_out_there/
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Just got my lips done yesterday and kept down everything I ate. really want to b/p today but my lips are still a lil swollen. How will it affect my lips? Will it even affect them?
Can’t figure out if I’m happy or mad
/u/glow8192
Created: Fri Sep 21 05:10:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9homyl/cant_figure_out_if_im_happy_or_mad/
---
I caved in and I splurged on a great fitting pair of pants last month, got them tailored and everything. Today I put them on and they’re starting to get a little baggy. 😂😭
What are you going to do when you hit your UGW?
/u/subarremos [5'3 | CW: 99 | GW: 88]
Created: Fri Sep 21 04:47:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hog9a/what_are_you_going_to_do_when_you_hit_your_ugw/
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How are you going to celebrate ？
Arent you afraid you would want to go lower and lower? Or do you think you can stop whenever you want?
I think I can stop at any time, but that’s what most drug addicts also say so..
Went through big depression and it threw me off my path but I’m back on it and last week I was 184 and I stepped back on the scale today and I’m 179 🤤😩😩👌🏽
/u/Anaisdabomb
Created: Fri Sep 21 04:44:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hofg8/went_through_big_depression_and_it_threw_me_off/
---
https://i.redd.it/uytwtt8nmkn11.jpg
[Discussion] things bird brain makes u do
/u/lightningmcqueef69 [5'5.5" | 114.6lbs | 18.78 | 18 | enby 💛]
Created: Fri Sep 21 04:41:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hoeta/things_bird_brain_makes_u_do/
---
- turn around and go home to make sure i hid my scale before i left
- start taking my scale to the car and hiding under the seat every day so i know no one will find it (i only weigh myself once a day??? it just sits there???)
- c/s entire meals even though my jaw hurts bc it's the only way to satisfy my cravings
- force myself to eat foods i hate to kill my appetite
- wear my baggy ass clothes everywhere because i refuse to buy new things until i reach my GW (my jeans are so loose that even with a belt i have to constantly pull them up because the loose fabric slips out from under my belt :))))
- massively overestimate my calories even if i'm 99.9% sure the package is correct bc i don't own a food scale and can't use one without raising suspicion
- start shaving my legs/pits/etc again even though i hate it *just in case it makes me lighter*
im sure theres more but this is what i can think of rn pls continue in comments
How can I lose the most weight possible in one week?
/u/Jksaldf
Created: Fri Sep 21 03:57:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ho2wk/how_can_i_lose_the_most_weight_possible_in_one/
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I have an event in exactly one week and need to lose as much week as possible after a week of hardcore bingeing (I'm talking 3000+ cal days if not more). I'm planning on a 7 day fast but is there anything else I can do to increase the amount lost?
[Help] New job has networking lunches
/u/rougoku [5'7" | CW: 136 & BMI: 21 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Fri Sep 21 03:06:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hnq9m/new_job_has_networking_lunches/
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So, I’m a college student and I recently got an internship working for a small business in town. (Go me!) However, my boss told me that they often take clients out to lunch and I am invited :( not only that, but they often order food and eat it in the office. these are obvious networking opportunities, but I just feel reeeeeeally anxious about this. Should I just say I’m on the keto diet and do intermittent fasting or whatever??? :/
DAE Watch plus-size youtubers to feel better about themselves
/u/MissD3nt1st
Created: Fri Sep 21 02:24:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hnga8/dae_watch_plussize_youtubers_to_feel_better_about/
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And to also act as motivation to not binge? I like to watch their lookbook and 'What I Eat In A Day' videos. I know this is mean but hey, it's the truth.
What are your non scale goals?
/u/BIueJayWay [5"3| CW:107 |GW: 102 |BMI:18.9 | F]
Created: Fri Sep 21 02:20:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hnfl0/what_are_your_non_scale_goals/
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For example, a certain item of clothing you want to fit into someday, using another notch on your belt, wrapping your fingers around your arm, etc!
How easy would it be to restrict without tastebuds?!
/u/TipsySnailfish [5'10 | SW: 160 | CW: 135 | GW: 127 | F]
Created: Fri Sep 21 01:48:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hn8xj/how_easy_would_it_be_to_restrict_without_tastebuds/
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You guys I just watched a video where a guy got a cold and somehow lost his sense of taste and it got me thinking - how easy would it be to not eat without a sense of taste?! Like I'm fully obsessed with different flavours, but if I couldn't taste I reckon it would be so easy not to eat....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHcjF9lrBoc
sometimes dark thoughts sneak up on you and you almost say them out loud
/u/isthischick4real
Created: Fri Sep 21 01:18:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hn2nx/sometimes_dark_thoughts_sneak_up_on_you_and_you/
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I cook around my apartment almost every night. When I get a craving I drink a bunch of water and start to meal prep, like cut up vegetables as small as I can, and see if the hunger passes. My roommate asked me today in front of her friends how I cook so often and eat so healthy and my first thought was, "You just have to hate your body more than you hate vegetables". Then I realized this is a light hearted conversation and I just got a compliment and I felt really weird about it.
​
Also pro tip for those who don't like veggies: cut them up as small as possible while you're watching tv and roast them in the oven, they lose all texture and flavor. Then you can cover them in garlic powder and put them in ramen or whatever has a stronger taste. Don't do actual ramen, it has a mountain and a half of sodium. My fav is at home chicken fried rice.
​
[Rant/Rave] Gotta love work stress
/u/BonnePomme [5'6" | 81 lbs | 13.1 | 21F]
Created: Fri Sep 21 01:13:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hn1o2/gotta_love_work_stress/
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I work as a software engineer, and my team has a BIG release coming up next week, so I've been working 10-12 hours a day. My schedule has basically devolved into utter shit and I've been going into work at odd hours (about to head in now and it's 3AM). I also pretty much haven't been running, although I normally do about 40 miles a week. I've given up on food, all week I've had protein bar during the day and b/p-ed in the evening when I get home as a "reward."
Well, at least the upside to this is I'm down 2 pounds since Monday. Probably at least half is dehydration, but it's still nice to see that number on the scale.
Anyone can relate?
I am too old for this.
/u/sagittorius
Created: Fri Sep 21 01:13:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hn1ka/i_am_too_old_for_this/
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I pulled a/several muscles while purging tonight.
I. Pulled. Muscles. Purging.
Fuck.
How did I get here?
I’m going to a lecture/meetup thing tomorrow for moms with eating disorders,
I need recovery. This is fucking scary.
Exercise routines
/u/iron_blanket
Created: Fri Sep 21 01:13:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hn1js/exercise_routines/
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So I've launched back into my ed like a ferral animal getting in to a grocers trash can, and I was wondering what kind of exercise routines y'all do? I'm already back to obsessively doing squats all the time and going up and down the stairs in my house, but I was wondering if anyone followed any good workout videos they could share so I don't feel like I'm just doing the same thing over and over.
I have weights at my house that I use (5 kg each) which I'm happy to incorporate into my routine.
[Help] My friends know and I don’t know what to do
/u/bowiebonnie
Created: Fri Sep 21 00:33:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hmu8l/my_friends_know_and_i_dont_know_what_to_do/
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I am freaking out. Id like to start with the fact that Ive never been formally diagnosed with an ED but Ive struggled with my eating habits for about 6 years now. Sometimes I restrict, sometimes I binge and purge. Ive been purging a lot for the past year and i know its bad. Apparently I told my friend a few months ago when I was really drunk because i had purged earlier that day. She brought it up today and I dont know what to do. She didnt even say it directly but she was like you told me something and i think you need help. And i know what shes talking about and she said she wasnt comfortable talking about it yet but that she would be soon and that shes really worried about me. Apparently all my other friends know too?? I really am fine, i havent been purging that much. And idk what shes going to say. How do i deflect? I really need to know how im going to approach this before the day comes.
Tldr; my friend knows about my purging and idk what i will say if she brings it up again. Any ways to deflect?
MFP or LoseIt?
/u/dew_berry [5'2" | LW: 102 | CW: 112 | GW: 108 | F]
Created: Fri Sep 21 00:32:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hmu49/mfp_or_loseit/
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I use LoseIt simply because it was the one I found first, but it seems to me like more people on this forum use My Fitness Pal. Which do you think is better?
[Rant/Rave] “You need to eat a hamburger,” and other things that infuriate me enough to almost have an out of body experience
/u/bizzarepeanut
Created: Thu Sep 20 23:48:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hmm5s/you_need_to_eat_a_hamburger_and_other_things_that/
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So I have been recovering from an ED for several years. While I still have my bad days and self destructive thoughts most times I can reel them back and tame the thoughts like a tiger whose ferocity is one step below Siegfried and Roy’s. Lately I have been going through a ton of stress, mostly due to family issues. Somehow I had been designated the mediator between my abusive step-father and my mother while they are separating regardless of the fact that I am a self sustaining adult and I declared my boundaries over and over until I had to cut ties with my step-father.
I guess I’m saying all of this to give you an idea of where my head is at and how I’m trying not to rely on any of my historically destructive coping mechanisms. But I digress, I worked a 14 hour double shift today. I am a bartender at a mid level high end restaurant. I had a couple come in; they are regulars, let’s call them Susan and Fred. They had a reservation so while they waited for their party they had a drink at the bar. After their dinner they came back to the bar for a couple after dinner drinks. Since this is a small family restaurant some of the girls will order a drink or wine at the end of the night. Generally I do not do this but after 14 hours I was in “fuck-it” mode. Also since I knew Susan and Fred* I didn’t feel weird sitting and having a drink after they cashed out.
Susan knew I worked a private event that morning and asked if I ate anything and I said yeah, I ate a bit of chicken around 2 (it was around 10:30 pm.) She said, “oh well, if you don’t eat something you’re going to get wrecked off of that drink.” At this point I’m a little pissed, it’s over an hour after close besides the fact that I am not allowed to eat while people are at the bar anyway. This is coupled with the fact that I am sarcastic to a fault on a good day so I respond with, “well I guess it’s good thing I’m not driving then, huh?”
As they are leaving Fred* goes to the men’s room and while Susan* is walking toward the exit she says, “Come on! Look at you! You need a hamburger I just want to feed you. Not that you look BAD or anything but you’re just so small you worry me!” BITCH YOU DONT KNOW ME. I AM WITHIN MY HEALTHY WEIGHT RANGE AND I DONT APPRECIATE RANDOM PEOPLE COMMENTING ON IT.
Anyway her husband is back and leaving as well and he fucking says, “Be careful! You’re playing with fire being that small. I just want to feed you a nice hamburger.” WHY THE FUCK IS A HAMBURGER THE GO TO, END-ALL BE-ALL of food. I don’t even really like hamburgers.
I just really don’t appreciate random people commenting on my weight. They are both overweight and I guarantee if I had said something about how, “Look At you! You don’t look bad or anything! You’re just overweight and you worry me! I just want to show you how to eat in moderation and exercise!”
It’s just maddening to me that anyone—be it an acquaintance or a perfect stranger feel perfectly comfortable judging my weight and eating habits because I’m thin. But if you reverse that it would be BEYOND rude. Also the fact that I have always been small, I have a small appetite. Even when I’m not in the throws of my ED sustaining my weight can be a struggle and when people do this when I’m not in a good head space it is really FUCKING triggering and I have to be extra careful not to fall into my bad food habits.
I know this is long, had already been said a thousand ways, and not very interesting to boot but I just needed to get this frustration out. Even if nobody reads this I can’t think of a better way, at the moment, to do that than just shouting it into the void.
End rant/
*obviously not their real names
Revealing ED to Professor/GSIs?
/u/RockerBabi
Created: Thu Sep 20 23:44:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hmld4/revealing_ed_to_professorgsis/
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I've been struggling in my classes because, obviously ED reasons.
I tried reaching out to my school's counseling team but I don't have proper finances for that.
I'm wondering if any of you ever told your professors or graduate student instructors that you have an ED in response to falling behind? If so, what happened?
Thanks for the advice :)
Spiraling down, down, down
/u/bohemiansparks
Created: Thu Sep 20 23:43:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hml3i/spiraling_down_down_down/
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You guys, I know this probably most definitely isn’t the right sub to post in about this, but I’m struggling.
It’s really hard to just not end everything right now. I can keep pretending like I’m okay. I can’t ask for help anymore, if anybody irl knew how bad it was I would be committed.
I’ve wanted to kill myself since I was like ten. I’m fucking 25 and I still feel the same way. Fuck antidepressants, fuck depression, fuck anxiety, fuck migraines, fuck pcos and endometriosis, fuck fibromyalgia, fuck fucking bingeing and purging and restricting and still being fat as fuck.
I can even handle my friends joking around with me anymore. I can’t handle being the fucking basket case I am. I’ve tried getting better. It does matter. It doesn’t change. It doesn’t “get fucking better” for some people.
I’ve completely spiraled downwards and since I’ve been on this self destructive path for so long, no one even fucking cares anymore. I’m just a hypochondriac and pathetic depressed girl who can’t get her life together.
I guess I just had to post here, I read all the posts and get a little comfort in this community.
I don’t know, I wish I had the courage to end it. Maybe I finally will, I feel like I’ve pushed past the wall that has always been stopping me.
Its my birthday
/u/Onedayillbethin [5'4| 130.6 | 22.6 | 64.4lbs | Chicky]
Created: Thu Sep 20 23:38:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hmkaz/its_my_birthday/
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Hey guys. Its my birthday. Spending it hunched over in lax pain at 1;30 am with a random nosebleed. Then I'm gonna work 8 hours. On my birthday. And I can't even eat at work cuz of the party I low-key didn't want that I have to save my calories for. Honestly my homeboy death sounds better
[Rant/Rave] tfw ur roommate brings home leftovers for u at MIDNIGHT
/u/angelic-rose [🌹 19F | 5’6 | 124.2 | 20.02 | GW1 118]
Created: Thu Sep 20 23:28:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hmi7u/tfw_ur_roommate_brings_home_leftovers_for_u_at/
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My roommates went to a real taco place downtown and I couldn’t go because I was stuck doing homework. One of them brought back her leftovers and I fucking INHALED them just now. Fuck. I guess I can subtract 500 calories from my OMAD tomorrow which is going to be dinner now apparently!!! cool
Sigh. I was so proud of myself for choosing my homework over tacos. I finished the assignment and immediately binged on the leftovers...so I guess I got both in the end? A normal person would be happy this happened but I feel like shit because I was nearly 10 hours fasted and about to go to sleep.
I hate that I’m upset. I’ve been doing really well for the past 5 days, OMAD 1200 cals or under with exercise every other day plus 10000+ steps a day. I was back to my usual 1 lb/week loss. My BMI is BARELY over 20. I know it’s not ruined but I feel so bad.
The tacos were good tho.
One of the few upsides to being a thin male
/u/EDLuke [5'10" | 60kg/132lbs | GW 55kg/120lbs | Male]
Created: Thu Sep 20 23:19:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hmgdc/one_of_the_few_upsides_to_being_a_thin_male/
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My dick looks huge next to my toothpick legs 🤷🤷
[Help] How will my eating look like in recovery?
/u/AspergersAndCoffee [5'2F | Last recorded weight 93 | SW 100 | Starting therapy soon]
Created: Thu Sep 20 23:02:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hmd2g/how_will_my_eating_look_like_in_recovery/
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I'm beggining to talk to a lot of therapists, psychiatrists and sign out of school randomly.
My life is pretty much a chaotic mess right now, but since it's all because people are trying to make me recover, I'm fine like that.
Though, I have a few concerns and the biggest one is how will I eat.
Right now, I'm trying to eat what a calculator told me is maintenance for me (even though i feel like starving) and mostly healthy food, because if I drop 2 kilograms more I will be force put in a mental hospital.
But when I'll find the therapist that's gonna have therapy with me, when I'll get a regular schedule of appointments, further in recovery, how will I possibly eat?
I've heard about everything, from being tube fed to eating whole pints of Ben & Jerry's... Kinda scared.
[Discussion] dae zone out and realize you ate 3 granola/snack bars in 2 minutes
/u/lynnB123
Created: Thu Sep 20 22:55:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hmbki/dae_zone_out_and_realize_you_ate_3_granolasnack/
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I just got stoned and came to my room and immediately inhaled some so fast lmao all these wrappers
[Help] is this normal
/u/cactirootz [4'11 | 84 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 20 22:22:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hm4it/is_this_normal/
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so I’m trying to get back into eating a little more after pretty heavily restricting for the past 6ish months straight. and I can’t eat normal food without getting gas bubbles and diarrhea after eating every. fucking. time. is this normal?? like ?? what do i do? the gas bubbles or whatever are really painful and i’ve learned how to not fart without sitting on the toilet because half the time, my asshole fucking explodes. sooo uh what do i do. what exactly is causing this
[Rant/Rave] ALL OF MY FOR-WHEN-I’M-SMALLER CLOTHES FIT
/u/summerservice [5'2 | ??? | 19F]
Created: Thu Sep 20 22:01:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hlzez/all_of_my_forwhenimsmaller_clothes_fit/
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Y’ALL I AM S C R E A M I N G I kept clothes from my LW (and some accumulated gift clothes that didn’t fit) that I didn’t want to let go of and I just tried them all anD THEY ALL FIT. not barely. they fit WELL!! I look SO CUTE!!!! I am IN TEARS!!!!!! I’m nowhere near my goal weight, but fuck, I feel so good right now.
PSA: Bronkaid causes seizures
/u/depression_butterfly
Created: Thu Sep 20 21:47:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hlwg9/psa_bronkaid_causes_seizures/
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I had been taking one tablet a day for a week maybe two weeks at the most with caffeine pills. I got startled by something and I think that it caused my heart rate to go too fast or something? Fucking thing sucks. Don't make the same mistake I did, its not worth it
Chew + Spit central ... And how “erotic” food has become during my fast. (Lol join me on my fucked up journey yah???)
/u/One_messy_bitch
Created: Thu Sep 20 21:23:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hlqu8/chew_spit_central_and_how_erotic_food_has_become/
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(I don’t mean engage in my behavior, but I can’t force you to not lol)
Oh my GOD. Everything- and I mean EVERYTHING- is SO much more decadent when fasting.
Shoving all the food in my mouth, chewing it, then opening my mouth slightly to let everything fall out into the bowl.
The smell of BREAD! I bought a pack of cheap burger buns, and kept taking a whiff of them during my ride back. I grabbed one and squeezed it into my hand. Now THAT is sexual. Fuck actual sex, lol.
I’m drinking all the diet sodas (fuck coke when there’s like a million other brands with different flavors like vanilla root-beer amirite???) and all the “0 cal” energy drinks and coffee.
I’m sipping olive, pickle, pickled fennel, and those spicy pepperocinni peppers JUICES straight from the jars—- hey I’m fasting I need the electrowhatevers right??
The idea of gorging carrots or celery sounds divine to me- but I’ll refrain for a bit more. Why?
Well, see, *valley girl voice* ahem. *I neeeed to lose, like, a lot of weight for this event because this dude that sort of doesn’t want a ltr with me but still hangs out and pulls the while “ohh but I doooo like youuu Ashweyyy” bullshit is gonna be there and I want to see if weight was what turned him away and if being skinny would make him suddenly crawl for me. *
Pathetic? Of course. All of it is. And? :)
I only have exactly 2 weeks to lose as much as I can, so light-but-long cardio and fasting with some vitamins and salty shit.
HAHAHAHA GUYS ISN’T THIS SAD? :-)
~~~tl;dr follow me as I literally go to burger king to chew/spit a big, tasty meal and then jog a bit.
Such a bad day
/u/RadiantInsurance
Created: Thu Sep 20 21:21:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hlqaf/such_a_bad_day/
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Having the worst day. I binged so bad yesterday, I don’t even remember why. But it had something to do with it being convinced it was the “last time”, which obviously is never ever true. So I’m super fat and my pants are so tight today. But I had to wear them because I had to go to a meeting, which I REALLY didn’t want to and felt like I shouldn’t have to in the first place. But I went, in the rain, dragged my kids along. Of course they both did the worst poops of their life while we were out and I had to deal with that.
Because of the rain I can’t even go for a long walk and walk off the binge a little. I can’t fast because I’m breastfeeding (what kind of sick person blames breastfeeding for not being able to starve themselves?). I just feel so gross and of course weirdly just want to binge again because what the heck, and because that’s what I do when everything sucks. I haven’t yet...and I’m hoping writing this for myself to read will make me feel shitty enough that I don’t.
[Rant/Rave] I am honestly so sick of being awake
/u/Moose--And--Squirrel
Created: Thu Sep 20 20:54:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hljt1/i_am_honestly_so_sick_of_being_awake/
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My schedule for my university is horrific. I decided to max out my credit hours this semester and do under grad research because I'm trying to look competitive but honestly it's not worth it. I have to wake up at 6:20 every morning to drive for an hour to my college then drive an hour back in the afternoon and nearly everyday I end up going to sleep after 1 am. I'm so mad because over the summer I was doing so well I had so much control, especially because I could sleep in until like 12 and skip breakfast and lunch and just wait till dinner. Now I just get so hungry when I get home that I end up binging from being tired and stressed. I don't know how to make it better. I'm thinking of just trying a fast to reset myself and then going from there.
But basically, I just want to sleep more lol.
I don't know what the fuck
/u/ceruleanohara
Created: Thu Sep 20 20:51:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hlj5h/i_dont_know_what_the_fuck/
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I should throwaway, which means I'll probably delete tommorow. But I'm not eating because we have no money. We're broke. It's all over- he had all this money that I didn't give a shit about when we met but it's gone.
I can't pay bills. But I can lose a pound a day. Every day. Fuck you scale, you've been a bitch to me for two years. I'm less every fucking day. Watch me hit 120- I dare you. Give me two weeks of not having food to eat! I gotta feed the kids hot dogs but I can restrict like you have no idea. Fuck food.
Work trouble
/u/Poopburb
Created: Thu Sep 20 20:50:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hliu7/work_trouble/
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I work in a big corporate office that has many floors. I always go up to another floor when I purge as there is usually no one in this bathroom. However, someone walked in while I was in the middle of *doing it*. My automatic reaction was to yell while in the stall, “don’t worry.. I’m pregnant. Just morning sickness”
Now I don’t know what to do when I see her again.. ugh.
good calorie burning exercises that don’t involve being on your feet?
/u/emotionalthr0w [5'9 23F. SW:182 CW:131.6 BMI 19.08]
Created: Thu Sep 20 20:44:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hlhfj/good_calorie_burning_exercises_that_dont_involve/
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I usually walk several miles a day, but due to overdoing it the other day (10+ miles in shitty shoes) I’ve ended up w some blisters that might get infected. I know I need to give my feet a break. Are there any other accessible calorie- burning exercises I can do in the meantime? I’m not interested in weights or anything to build muscle. I’m kinda freaking out about this disruption of my routine :( ty!
[Rant/Rave] purging: not even once
/u/theleftoveryou [5'5'' | 100 | 16.9 | GW 95? | 24F]
Created: Thu Sep 20 20:33:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hleu9/purging_not_even_once/
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I swore up and down that I would never, ever, ever purge. No matter what.
Welp.
There was free food at work. There's been a lot of free food at work lately and I've been avoiding it, but it's been giving me some real bad FOMO because I used to looooooove free food more than anything. So today I decided to treat myself and eat some. I thought it was going to be fine. I didn't even eat that much. It wasn't exactly a binge. I ate, like, the amount a normal person would eat. I'm certain I was still below maintenance for the day. But I felt so full and so disgusting and I just had to get it out of me, immediately.
So I purged it. It sucked, and I don't want to do it again, and it's certainly put me off eating any more for quite a while. I'm going to think about it every time I want to eat and it's going to remind me to stick to my limit.
But also... I feel so much better after doing it.
I'm fucked up, you guys.
Damn if it ain’t me
/u/kaylee_why [5’4’| CW124lbs | 21.3 | -31lbs | F]
Created: Thu Sep 20 20:32:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hleg8/damn_if_it_aint_me/
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https://www.facebook.com/groups/shitpostingais/permalink/2340338346007665/
[Rant/Rave] 'around the dinner table' forum
/u/AgreeableReplacment
Created: Thu Sep 20 20:29:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hldpx/around_the_dinner_table_forum/
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ive struggled with disordered eating since i was basically a child and finally decided to give full recovery a shot. while researching i came across this forum meant to support parents with ED kids and its been making me kinda depressed, not only because its sad knowing so many families are struggling but also because my own parents gave no fucks about my mental health.
the parents on that forum seem so supportive and determined to help their children. they take the ED seriously and realize its a real illness. i never got that support. i was ignored when i told my parents about my anorexia. i was physically and emotionally abused when i talked about my depression and anxiety. it fucked me up big time.
now here i am at 22 years old desperately trying to climb out of this big fucking hole i dug for myself even though it probably could've been prevented or at least minimized if i had decent parents. :/
end rant.
Slightly Different - but DAE watch dance videos as a form of thinspo?
/u/Chunky-chunker
Created: Thu Sep 20 20:25:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hlcuz/slightly_different_but_dae_watch_dance_videos_as/
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An example: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6odQ9U6W4WY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6odQ9U6W4WY)
[Rant/Rave] My family doesn’t know what “healthy” is.
/u/mromcl
Created: Thu Sep 20 20:23:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hlc5k/my_family_doesnt_know_what_healthy_is/
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I admit I don’t know what healthy is either. Let me start off, I grew up in an overweight family, me being overweight myself, which started this terrible ED cycle. I’m WAY better now weight wise but still not good enough. ANYWAYS, onto my main topic, I’m in a hotel 2,400 miles away from my house and my parents went out to eat again. They ask if I want anything as a night snack. Me, having hunger pangs from starving myself in self guilt inside of a never ending cycle of regret, agrees to this. I tell them to bring me something “light and healthy” and they start recommending some things since I don’t know what I want myself. “Caesar salad? Burgers? Chicken nuggets and fries? Italian?” I refuse all of it, and in the end don’t get anything, because I refuse so I don’t waste their time. In my head, I know what I find “safe enough” to eat, but can’t put my thoughts into words for them. I tell them that they don’t know what healthy is, as I have before, (not in a menacing, mean tone), and they ask if I have any ideas of what I find to be “healthy”, then of course I reply “no.” I hate it sooooooo much. I love them and all, but they just don’t get it sometimes!
[Help] We're eating mexican tomorrow and it's a huge trigger/fear food
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2 | 148 | Aiming for 146 by 10/1 | -12| f21]
Created: Thu Sep 20 20:17:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hlarc/were_eating_mexican_tomorrow_and_its_a_huge/
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Ahh shit, haven't gone in months but my dad has a day off and was like "let's treat our selves!". 100% of the time I freaking binge on mexican, I guess I'll do omad and try not to eat all the chips. It's even worse because im super high restricting(1000+) so I have absolutely no calories to spare, but I guess I do techically get 1,000 to work with.
I usually get nachos, fajitas or enchiladas and queso, and a million chips. I don't know what to order that won't be suspicious (salads are out)... On the bright side I have dance tomorrow, my once a week exercise program lmao
[Goal] You’ll never guess the new low I slurped...
/u/conuretrash
Created: Thu Sep 20 20:13:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hl9st/youll_never_guess_the_new_low_i_slurped/
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I drank cold soup straight from the can. I do not recommend, it was gross, but I really couldn’t help it I needed to eat. It was a sad, ugly binge.
[Help] SO threatening to leave if I get no help
/u/keatonvct [6'2" | 167lbs | 20.3 | GW: 140lbs | 18M]
Created: Thu Sep 20 20:12:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hl9mn/so_threatening_to_leave_if_i_get_no_help/
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Sorry if this is a dumb post, or if people talk about this constantly, or if I shouldn’t post or use this flair for this but I feel so broken. I have been with my girlfriend for over a year now, and I fell in love so quickly with her, we have shared so many amazing moments. However, we broke up for about a month earlier in the year, and ended up back together, for the past few months she has seemed like I make her miserable. I struggled with my ED at the beginning of us talking but it wasn’t very bad, 1 month of <700 restricting and then just maintaining but I eventually got help and worked through it. The issue is recently I relapsed and have been struggling worse than ever before, and I guess now thats too much to deal with. I 100% understand that being in a relationship with someone that has an ED can be hard, and especially when they don’t want any help, but she is threatning to leave because i’m not immediately making an effort for recovery. I dont even believe that I have an ED, I talked to my therapist about it twice and she put me down for ARFD (srry if thats wrong) and is pushing me toward another counselor with specific ED qualifications and whatever, but I don’t WANT treatment. I don’t believe my problem is even bad, I’m still 30 lbs from my UGW which is just at the underweight mark, I still hate everything about myself and just want at least another 15 gone, I get it, it’s hard, but does she not understand how hard this is for me too?? Like I don’t feel the side effects also? Like I’m not up until ungodly hours bc of hunger insomnia, like my other disorders don’t eat me alive on top of this? I’m sorry to rant and post a novel, but I’m at a loss, i don’t know if any of you will even HAVE advice on this. I just want someone to understand, and talk to.
[Rant/Rave] I guess I'm just never going to have a sexual relationship
/u/smallpaint [M | 193lbs | 6'2"]
Created: Thu Sep 20 20:02:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hl72k/i_guess_im_just_never_going_to_have_a_sexual/
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Marked as NSFW just in case, none of this is graphic.
​
My ED kills any true libido I have (at least, I assume it does -- at this point I've forgotten what it was like before). Actually meeting up with people makes me sick -- I don't understand how I'm supposed to enjoy it when all I can think is that they probably agreed because I seemed like a quick, less-attractive match.
​
And maybe I'm okay with it? I don't know, I'm really just looking for advice -- can I op out, forever, volcel style? It's just so exhausting, I want to focus on my career and my body and actually enjoying my life -- not on forcing myself to do something because it's expected, or because of some slight remaining biological drive. I'm tired. I never want to think about men again.
This should be a wake-up call.
/u/MeNoGivaRatzAzz
Created: Thu Sep 20 20:01:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hl6mh/this_should_be_a_wakeup_call/
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https://highline.huffingtonpost.com/articles/en/everything-you-know-about-obesity-is-wrong/
Triggered by the goddamn Spider-Man
/u/LiamNeesonsMegaCock [5'4'' | CW: 147 lbs | 25.38 | GW: 105 lbs | F]
Created: Thu Sep 20 19:51:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hl4ad/triggered_by_the_goddamn_spiderman/
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I was so pleased to see the portrayal of MJ in the new spider-man game. She looks normal, not hyper thin or over sexualized, and is a well fleshed-out character, especially for a game.
Until I glanced at the “character profile” sheet for Mary Jane:
5’8” 120 lbs
WTF. It’s like they tried to figure out how low she could be at that height without technically being underweight. Or it’s just a bunch of dudes who just don’t know better. “120 lbs? Yeah hot girls are 120 lbs.”
WHO PROOFREADS THIS SHIT
[Tip] For those afraid of cold
/u/HIITKix09
Created: Thu Sep 20 19:44:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hl2g1/for_those_afraid_of_cold/
---
https://i.redd.it/ee9uhn6gngn11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] I binged so much I can’t eat til Monday
/u/conuretrash
Created: Thu Sep 20 19:38:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hl13e/i_binged_so_much_i_cant_eat_til_monday/
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Rip me. I ate 3287 cals after finally reaching my lowest weight- I weighed this much two weeks ago but binged for an entire week, went up a million pounds, then fasted, and finally this morning I weighed less. But in true proED style, I of course was triggered to binge uncontrollably all day after starting out today with yogurt. It had a ton of sugar in it but I didn’t think I’d go so crazy?? But I did. So my fat ass is just getting fatter. It sucks because I noticed the other day I still have a double chin :( it’s a lot less noticeable now but still I didn’t know it was still around. Anyway I’m bummed out because now I can’t eat at all and I just picked up veggie omelette supplies. They’re perishables too so I’m afraid they’ll go bad. And bummed out because dammit I want to eat! I had planned out my whole weekend w light calories but enjoyable food and that’s all! Gone! To! Shit! Ugh sorry for rambling, I just figured I never really see overweight bingers post so I decided to be the change I want to see lmao. Y’all ain’t alone 😩💕
dark circles wtf
/u/croutonsatan
Created: Thu Sep 20 19:34:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hl044/dark_circles_wtf/
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this week i’ve been eating in the 600-900 range (im 4’11 so this is not as little as it may seem) and yesterday i woke up with the worst dark circles i’ve ever had. it looks like i have two black eyes. do y’all think it’s because i’m not eating enough? please help
[Other] I really don’t want to live the rest of my life like this.
/u/drowing_dancer [5’7” | CW 135 | 21.1 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 20 19:29:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hkytj/i_really_dont_want_to_live_the_rest_of_my_life/
---
That’s it. I’m just in a lot of pain right now and I needed to share with someone who understands.
[Rant/Rave] I just ate food for my dog....
/u/CastleInTheAttic
Created: Thu Sep 20 19:21:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hkwu8/i_just_ate_food_for_my_dog/
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So I’ve been doing really well. I’ve been restricting, but not too much. And exercising, and drinking water.
I don’t keep much food in my apartment. Just frozen veggies really so if I binge them all....meh
But my dog got sick and I’ve been feeding her pumpkin mixed with brown rice for the fiber. (With her dog food - don’t worry, my dog is well fed)
So long story short, guess who binged on a literal metric fuckton of pumpkin and brown rice....... this food was meant for my sick dog, and I ate it all.
Now I feel like a garbage person
Please take a moment to laugh with me
/u/thintay
Created: Thu Sep 20 19:15:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hkvca/please_take_a_moment_to_laugh_with_me/
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When the fantastically wonderful app, MFP, tells me that Apple Pie Moonshine is high in fiber 😂
“Triggers”
/u/katie1220
Created: Thu Sep 20 19:08:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hktkp/triggers/
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Earlier I saw a post asking something along the lines of “what triggers you to relapse into your ED?” Most peoples were certain food/food combos.. for some reason the only thing that has that effect on me is the way people treat me, do you guys have more emotional triggers or anything like this? For example, if someone is mean or dismissive of me my first thought is always “if I was skinnier this person would like me more, and wouldn’t be so mean to me.”
[Goal] Ate Indian food today! And didn't feel bad (Not a joke).
/u/NeutralSmithHotel [6'1.4 | CW: 179 | BMI: 23.4 | Weight Lost: -191| M]
Created: Thu Sep 20 18:46:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hknxm/ate_indian_food_today_and_didnt_feel_bad_not_a/
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One of my goals in stopping restriction was to have this Indian food I have been wanting for 8 months. I ate the whole dish (chicken korma) with garlic Naan. It was pretty tasty. I even got a small ice cream cone after. I'm sure I'll start stressing about the weight gain from this week soon... but for one day I was a real adult person. I went to a restaurant I love and had a meal. Ate the whole thing and had a little dessert.
Like I could do this once or twice a week as be normal? Probably not...
Anxious as fuckkkk
/u/Avadakaboom [5'8.5" | 135lbs | 19.94 | -95 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 20 18:43:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hknbe/anxious_as_fuckkkk/
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So, i developed my ED after getting obsessive when losing over 150 lbs. I have a lot of loose skin, which fuels my ED a metric fuckton.
I'm going tomorrow AM to my pre-op appointment for an abdominoplasty that's scheduled for mid October. I'm so anxious I can hardly function. I even waited until an hour ago to apply and get approved for financing because some part of me was hoping I'd get denied.
I just dont know, ugh.
[Rant/Rave] ayce kbbq
/u/staticphat [Height: 5'3 | CW: Jabba the Hutt | GW: Bikini Leia]
Created: Thu Sep 20 18:36:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hkln3/ayce_kbbq/
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im going to an AYCE kbbq place tmmrw w/ friends and i didnt want to say no bc i wont see them in a while bc of college and i was gonna restrict this week to minimize damage and now i kinda hate myself bc i binged yesterday. i would normally fast the whole day but i have work tmmrw but i guess if i drink enough gatorade zero i’ll be fine?? ughh im stressed :(
mb ill go on a rly long run tmmrw or something ive had horrible binges at kbbq
[Help] How do I eat a healthy amount of food without feeling like a fake?
/u/bulimicomrade
Created: Thu Sep 20 18:33:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hkkt6/how_do_i_eat_a_healthy_amount_of_food_without/
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Whenever I try to eat like a normal person instead of fasting or low restricting (until eventually binging), I feel like I'm just pretending that I am trying to get better from my eating disorder as an excuse to be gluttonous. How do I get out of this mindset that I'm a horrible and disingenuous person for eating an adequate amount?
[Discussion] DAE have self-harm scars/how do you help them heal?
/u/FeatherMahogany59
Created: Thu Sep 20 18:20:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hkhqq/dae_have_selfharm_scarshow_do_you_help_them_heal/
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I know it’s not directly related to eating disorders but I’m guessing I’m not the only one with a comorbidity... I have some self harm scars on my arms (that aren’t that bad because I’d obsessively cover them in aloe after) but they’re still... obviously self inflicted wounds. Has anyone had any success in fading them with a scar cream or anything? I haven’t had much luck so I’m looking for any ideas.
[Rant/Rave] 18 by 18!!
/u/poppybasket [5’11 | 134 | 19 | 17F]
Created: Thu Sep 20 18:14:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hkg2o/18_by_18/
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sup brothers i just had the exciting realization that, if i keep my shit together, i could be at bmi 18 by my 18th birthday!!!
send good luck wishes pls haha 💖💖
candied ginger, y'all are welcome.
/u/taikutsuu [5'9'' | cw: 119, -33 | 17.2 bmi | gw: 105 | 18f]
Created: Thu Sep 20 18:00:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hkcgg/candied_ginger_yall_are_welcome/
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okay, so maybe not all of you, ginger isn't for everyone. but ginger is 80 cals/100g, the sugary coat is very slight and it stays in your mouth for ever.
it's a bit spicy, a bit sweet, and it's incredibly good for giving yourself something more to chew on that just gum throughout the day. because it's very fibrous it doesn't just dissolve, you kind of have to pick it apart a bit. i've chewed on a 14 cal piece of ginger for two hours- it occupies your taste buds, it helps with my hunger (pains)..
bish i need me some more candied ginger.
Mono diet experiment
/u/BEDBulimic [153cm | CW: 55.8 | GW1: 55 | -8.2 | 20F]
Created: Thu Sep 20 17:54:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hkay0/mono_diet_experiment/
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I know CICO is the only thing that matters and that you end up losing water weight buuuuut the binge monster in me is waking up and I’m thinking of trying it lmao
- Has anyone tried it before?
- Does anyone have suggestions you’d like me to try and I’ll report back to you my results?
Parents refuse to take me to the gym and I'm freaking out.
/u/a_bit_uncanny
Created: Thu Sep 20 17:52:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hkalu/parents_refuse_to_take_me_to_the_gym_and_im/
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I've had body issues for a very long time and the gym was my one way to feel good about my body. It was the only way for me to feel good about eating food, instead of starving myself so I wouldn't get fat. And now they're refusing to take me, and my body's going to decline into a skinny-fat waste. All my progress will be gone.
weak willed help me
/u/xero11j
Created: Thu Sep 20 17:50:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hka2m/weak_willed_help_me/
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so i can go the entire day without eating and i know its not healthy but i have to lose weight really fast, but anyway i always make it to like 2 in the morning and then for some reason or another i start to binge. i mean noodles with hotdogs then an hour later i eat two sandwiches. does anyone have any tips
[Discussion] Does anyone else eat extremely plain food and is a picky eater?
/u/misssarajones [5'2 | CW: 139 | HW: 175 | UGW: 110-115 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 20 17:41:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hk7mx/does_anyone_else_eat_extremely_plain_food_and_is/
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**TL;DR at bottom**
​
I have a binge eating disorder and sometimes I eat the same plain foods over and over again in large amounts. This stems back to my ADHD because we have high rates of impulsiveness (which triggers bad eating habits) and weird sensitivity to eating ugh.
​
Anyways.
Sometimes I binge on plain foods - like a whole plate of white rice used to be my thing (until I started my weightloss journey). That and plain slices of pizza. I hate toppings.
French fries. Just salt. Chicken nuggets....I hate sauces though besides ketchup....
I can eat plain fruits with nothing on it, but I'm so picky, I only eat particular fruits like mangoes and apples.
I hate watermelon, peaches, pears, strawberries....unless it's blended up in a smoothie.
It took me FOREVER to like the texture of bananas. I used to throw up whenever I ate one.
​
I just recently tried to eat more varieties of foods with toppings/condiments, because everytime I go out, I can't eat anything because I feel like there are wayyyyy too many foods in one. Like, I went to panera bread once. I like how they put the dressing on the side. But one time, I went in, and they put the dressing alllll over the salad and I had a hard time eating it and I was shaking a bit.
​
My friend also introduced me to beef teriyaki. I HATED it at first - the teriyaki was too strong for me and tangy. But after I left, I was like...that wasn't bad.
​
But now I'm upset, because I started bingeing on that same meal. It's a lot of calories and I know the sauce and salt on it doesn't help with my PCOS. :((
​
**TL;DR :** My eating palette is so small. I just eat rice, beans, french fries, potatoes, and only two fruits. I hate all other types of fruits and I hate sauces/condiments besides like...ketchup. I eat everything so plain and if there's a condiment on top of the food, I'll have a mini anxiety attack and start shaking while struggling to eat.
​
On top of that, I really HATE IT when people comment on my food. :( I'm so glad we can all agree on that.
​
​
[Rant/Rave] Constantly triggered by my own body
/u/noodle0
Created: Thu Sep 20 17:37:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hk6la/constantly_triggered_by_my_own_body/
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I don’t even know why I’m posting this here other than it’s seemed to have helped in the past. Just ranting and getting it out of my head. I had such a long hard battle with anorexia and I’m so far past it but I’m triggered now still over the dumbest things. I have a really big bone structure despite being tall and lean, broad shoulders, big rib cage, big hips and even now weighing 155 my hip bones jut out when I lie down and I get so excited over it. Like I want more, I get hesitant to eat again because if I get bloated maybe they’ll go away even though I’m not trying to lose weight. It’s so weird, I don’t know. I guess it always sticks with you but I hate the constant reminder of “remember this?”
1000 calories a day, but not losing weight anymore.
/u/AcornsAreGreat [Height 5'6 | CW 138lb | BMI 22 | Weight Lost 14lb | Gender F]
Created: Thu Sep 20 17:35:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hk660/1000_calories_a_day_but_not_losing_weight_anymore/
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I've been eating less than 1000 calories a day for almost a month now. I lost a good amount of weight the first two weeks, but now it stopped. I don't know what to do! If I eat any more, I gain weight. I can't eat any less, this is already so low. I can't keep it at 1000 because I'm not losing any more weight me so it's not worth feel weak and tired all the time. I put myself in a crappy situation :( has anyone else been here? What are some things I can do to not mess up my weight or diet?
[Rant/Rave] Fuckkk I thought I could make it past dinner
/u/BigFrameSkinnyAddict
Created: Thu Sep 20 17:29:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hk4hf/fuckkk_i_thought_i_could_make_it_past_dinner/
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https://i.redd.it/9ft33vq5ahn11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] I thought I could make it past dinner.....😭
/u/BigFrameSkinnyAddict
Created: Thu Sep 20 17:26:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hk3nl/i_thought_i_could_make_it_past_dinner/
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https://i.redd.it/ia2avcam9hn11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] I thought I was gonna be good today :(
/u/sunnyrai99
Created: Thu Sep 20 17:12:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hjzn6/i_thought_i_was_gonna_be_good_today/
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It was all going so well, walked to work, was surrounded by food all day and didn’t cave. Walked home with my xl diet my dew sipping and enjoying life. Once I got inside I ate:
1. Almost an entire bag of sweet chili pistachios
2. A quarter bag of Reese’s covered pretzels
3. Half pint of halo top peanut butter cup
4. Stale old waffle fries from last nights dinner
I just purged and now I’m laying in bed defeated. I don’t know why I’m so extra sad about this, I almost always mess up. I guess I just really felt like I had the strength to say no today.
New here, wanna chat?
/u/anniehila
Created: Thu Sep 20 17:11:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hjzf1/new_here_wanna_chat/
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Hi! I’m a female. I weight 142 (started at 155!) and I’m 5’4”.
I’ve been restricting (also binging and purging) for a couple years but I’ve recently decided to take it seriously. The cravings and self control are tough. Anyone wanna chat? You can help me and I can help you :) i don’t really have any friends irl. My closest friend just moved to Hawaii for the next half a year. This seems like a place I can make some friends I can actually talk to :)
[Other] Just going to leave this here (first comment is gold)
/u/GQJohnDoe [6'2" | 233.2(!!) | 29.xx | 0.4 (>100 before) | M(ish)]
Created: Thu Sep 20 17:00:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hjwau/just_going_to_leave_this_here_first_comment_is/
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https://i.redd.it/or4lvisv4hn11.png
[Rant/Rave] Is it a binge if it’s lower than 1200?!
/u/moonchldx [5'1'' | 114.4 | 21.7 | -11lbs | F | ]
Created: Thu Sep 20 16:56:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hjv73/is_it_a_binge_if_its_lower_than_1200/
---
It sure feels like it!
I posted earlier about how I was stuck at 114.4 and how I was going to allow myself to eat more than the 500 cals I try to limit myself and of course I ate 1080cals today minus 200 of cals burned so 880 but still I feel so gross!
In another note; eating helped my uncontrollable headaches I’ve had for the past couple of days now I’m ready to cuddle up into a ball and try to sleep.
P.s NEVER EVER am I skipping my addy again... eating is not for me...
xx
[Rant/Rave] Parents called me thin but I don’t feel thin at all
/u/crybabyyyy [20F|165cm|58.7kg|-4.2kg|BMI 21.23:pupper:]
Created: Thu Sep 20 16:24:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hjm95/parents_called_me_thin_but_i_dont_feel_thin_at_all/
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Lol exactly what the title says, my parents keep commenting on how thin I’ve gotten and that I better eat otherwise I’ll end up “anorexic” (thanks wog parents). But whenever I look at myself I look exactly the same: fat face, fat stomach and fat thighs! I just want to be skinnier and skinnier because I hate how chubby I look, and it motivates me more when my parents say I’ll end up anorexic soon. This is form the parents that kept telling me to lose weight when I was 11 otherwise I’d end up as a “fat checkout chick” so I feel like I shouldn’t trust them whatsoever for my weight. Anyone else experienced this?
[Rant/Rave] Guess who is 102lbs??
/u/Dontloseyour-Ed [5'1" | 102 | 19.2 | GW: 94lbs | 16f]
Created: Thu Sep 20 16:20:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hjl51/guess_who_is_102lbs/
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This gal!
I have been stuck at 103 for weeks and weeks on end and I couldn't seem to shift it. This morning I step on the scales and oh my god: 102.4!! Later on I was 102.8 and that's great as I was expecting to be back up to 104. This comes after last night where I ate half a box of coco pops and had so much food (looking back I realise it was just a normal sized lunch but it made me feel shit).
I know it's only a pound but I'm actually losing weight! I'm not delusional or calculating calories all wrong; I'm actually losing weight!
I'm ill so maybe that helps? Who knows?
I hope everyone else had an okay day today, I felt like crap and was a bit delirious because of that and I'm still very sick but somehow this made me feel a bit better.
Good night reddit :)
[Rant/Rave] The lettuce is really good
/u/BigFrameSkinnyAddict
Created: Thu Sep 20 16:07:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hjht3/the_lettuce_is_really_good/
---
So whenever I go to my nannies house (my grandmother) I know I'm gonna have my favorite foods, but heres the problem... She also has a ED. Yes, you heard me right, a 66 year old women has a ED. She has that old way of dieting where its 2 small meals and NO DINNER but when grandkids come, she eats dinner. Now since I know were gonna have a pretty nice meal I wont eat all day, yet she gets on to ME and ill ask "what have you had today? Hm?" And she gets so angry lol. So we once had salmon and salad and the second she takes a bite of the lettuce she says "this lettuce is really good" it was so awkward, because I mean... Its lettuce yo it aint that good
Bath time 😁
/u/BigFrameSkinnyAddict
Created: Thu Sep 20 15:56:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hjen8/bath_time/
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Asked my mom if I could wash my hair as its dirty as fuck but also IM SO COLDDD I got my tea and I'm gonna enjoy myself!
[Help] minor chest pain/soreness; is this common when bingeing and purging often?
/u/jimblebitch
Created: Thu Sep 20 15:52:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hjdjp/minor_chest_painsoreness_is_this_common_when/
---
first of all, i hope this is okay to post here. i don’t really know where else this would fit? i’m not looking for a diagnosis, more so looking for advice. anyways, onto why i’m here 😅
all this week i’ve had to purge about three times a day because i’m expected to eat, and yesterday i noticed a slight soreness in my upper chest around the collarbone area. it feels more like muscle soreness you’d get from working out than a burning or sharp pain. it’s persistent and most prominent when i take deeper breaths or when i’m throwing up. i’m accustomed to b/p once a day since i’m weak-willed and usually crack around dinner time (which opens up a huge gate for straight up hardcore bingeing), so i’m thinking it’s just the stress of doing it three times day.
i guess what i’m asking is if anyone else has had this happen to them? and what did you do to fix it? this period shouldn’t last much longer since the weekend is so close, but i’m hoping that i’m not pushing a more serious problem to a breaking point. it’s been bothering me and even when i’ve looked into it, i can’t get a solid answer. the pain doesn’t stop me from doing anything, but i can very well feel how it might start to.
i’m 100% down with going to the hospital if needed, but obviously i’d rather not since i’m here on reddit lol
[Intro] Ready to admit I have a messed up relationship with food.
/u/twilekprincess [5’7” 28f| CW 164lbs | GW 150 | PW 215 | LW 155]
Created: Thu Sep 20 15:47:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hjc20/ready_to_admit_i_have_a_messed_up_relationship/
---
My weight has always fluctuated. Pictures as a teenager are really obviously different.
I have a diagnosed mental illness. And undiagnosed EDNOS. I don’t tell people about my eating habits, or I’ll just lie.
I lost a lot of weight last year, as I often do, when people asked how I did it I would give them general diet tips. Count calories, be sure to calculate your tdee, eat lots of fibrous vegetables, exercise, lift weights, intermittently fast. When in reality I was was surviving off of black coffee, Metamucil, and sugar free jello.
Then I gained it all back. Forty pounds packed on in three months.
Now I’m back down.
I laugh sometimes and tell people my appetite is as bipolar as my emotions.
Meanwhile if I eat a cookie I can’t handle life until I spend 45 minutes on the elliptical with my heart rate at 170.
[Other] Hello ED my old friend
/u/butlb
Created: Thu Sep 20 15:33:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hj7yy/hello_ed_my_old_friend/
---
I’ve recently fallen back into my restrictive/purging behaviours. At first I fucking hated going back to old habits I thought I’d kicked in my teenage years... but I stepped on the scales today and saw that I’ve lost 8 pounds in just over two weeks!!
Welcome back? 🤷♀️
[Rant/Rave] Bad news/good news
/u/chicagorie [5'7"|GW 108 |CW want 2 die|F]
Created: Thu Sep 20 15:00:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hiy8i/bad_newsgood_news/
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Bad news is my ceiling is caving in and I own the damn house so no landlord to call :/ the pro is I’ve been so stressed and busy dealing with this that I haven’t eaten in like 36hrs! So that’s a big plus, especially since I’m sure I won’t be able to afford food after repairing this son of a bitch
[Rant/Rave] I’m so fucking done with being cold!!!!
/u/gothicapples
Created: Thu Sep 20 14:53:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hiw4c/im_so_fucking_done_with_being_cold/
---
I have not been warm in years no matter how many sweaters I put on or how high I turn my heating blanket I’m still freaking cold
I live in southern Ontario and even though it’s not freezing here (it will get there trust me) I go outside in 2 sweaters a long sleeve shirt and I just can’t stay warm
End rant
confession- even though i'm not used to the units, sometimes i switch my scale to kilograms to see a smaller number
/u/duskedfur [5'7"|CW: 104|16.2|UGW: 100|F]
Created: Thu Sep 20 14:48:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hiusj/confession_even_though_im_not_used_to_the_units/
---
also i get to see numbers like 46.7 and pretend they're pounds because i wish i was dead :)
[Rant/Rave] Wisdom tooth removal
/u/glitchydowner
Created: Thu Sep 20 14:43:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hit9f/wisdom_tooth_removal/
---
Had my two lower wisdom teeth removed today and because I was feeling sorry for myself I decided to binge before the local anaesthetic wore off.... Twat...
[Rant/Rave] I Had a Win Today
/u/_Pulltab_ [5' 7| CW 165.4 | BMI 25.9 | -30.6 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 20 14:42:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hisyh/i_had_a_win_today/
---
I’ve been in heavy restricting mode. I’m also vegetarian and eating keto, all part of my weird food rules right now. Well, vegetarian isn’t that’s just how I choose to eat.
Last week I added in weight training and have been dragging. Like, sleeping 10-12 hours, exhausted, completely loopy, a total wreck.
Today I decided to try some targeted carb loading in the form of a small protein shake with banana and vegan protein powder (about 250 calories). He banana, quite frankly, scared the shit out of me. And I was terrified that it would lead me to eating all day as is usually the case when I eat earlier in the day. Oh yeah, I do OMAD because if I eat earlier in the day I’m prone to binge all day.
It’s almost 5pm and the only thing I’ve eaten since the protein shake was 70 cal worth of moon cheese. I managed to go all day after the gym without standing in the kitchen and eating everything I can get my hands on! Woot!
[Rant/Rave] After Hitting my Newest LW, I Binged 3 Days in a Row and Most Likely Fucked it All Up.
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Thu Sep 20 14:34:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hiqqd/after_hitting_my_newest_lw_i_binged_3_days_in_a/
---
Posted a few days ago that I hit my newest LW of 89lbs. What did I do the next three days? Binged. Every single day. I always ruin my own progress. I havent stepped on the scale and I don't even want to. I know all three days I ate well above 3500cals, so theres no way I didnt gain from it.
I hate myself. I'm such an idiot. I worked SO HARD to get to 89 lbs and now it doesnt even matter. My jeans are tight on me and I feel fat everywhere. I havent eaten a thing today and honestly, I'm probably staying under 500cals for the next week. Fuck it.
I have a LEEP procedure coming up so as long as I focus on how anxious thats making me, I can make my hunger go away. I also have to get a lower wisdom tooth removed. Yay for surgeries and uncontrollable anxiety.
Sorry I'm being so negative. You guys just understand and no one else in my life does. You all are beautiful. Have a lovely day. Thanks if you read this. 💕💕💕
Is this the real life
/u/tentaclebarn
Created: Thu Sep 20 14:30:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hipjx/is_this_the_real_life/
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I want to lose a little but I get scared of all the health consequences. For those of you who have lost a good deal, have you found any ways of doing it where it is sustainable? I've gathered from several subs that slow weight loss is less harsh on the body (as opposed to dropping a ton real fast). If you've done this, how did you go about it? My guess would be to start at a relatively "normal" calories limit and slowwwwllly ease it down from there?
My thumb makes it look like i have man hands but !! Bones!! finally
/u/itsoobak
Created: Thu Sep 20 14:04:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hihn8/my_thumb_makes_it_look_like_i_have_man_hands_but/
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https://i.redd.it/4mzqe2kn9gn11.jpg
What would you like to see In an ED movie?
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | CW: 114 | GW:105 | UGW 100 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 20 14:03:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hihax/what_would_you_like_to_see_in_an_ed_movie/
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I’m an aspiring filmmaker and I want to write a piece about eating disorders. As someone who also suffers from one. I see a lot of hate towards ed movies here and I wanna know why and what you’d like to see.
[Discussion] DAE struggle with moderation in all other aspects of life?
/u/killingtiimee
Created: Thu Sep 20 13:53:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hieds/dae_struggle_with_moderation_in_all_other_aspects/
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Whether it’s my ed or smoking or whatever vice I have, it’s either in full effect or none at all. I’m either starving and never going over 500 cal or I’m binging 5000 cal. I’m either not smoking or I’m smoking 4 times a day pack to pack. I’m either completely sober or drinking for a week straight.
Anyone else feel like this? Anyone know the cure lmao?
Stomache has been in knots after heartbreak
/u/mojojojoez_scraps
Created: Thu Sep 20 13:53:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hie6p/stomache_has_been_in_knots_after_heartbreak/
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But damn I’m loosing some weight. Something positive out of the bs
[Intro] I tried. I'm back (a re-introduction)
/u/Size666 [5'8 | 215 | GW1: 164 | -23 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 20 13:43:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hib5i/i_tried_im_back_a_reintroduction/
---
I tried to do what the therapist suggested. I stopped counting calories. I stopped fasting. I stopped berating myself over binges. I stopped c/s'ing. I stopped weighing myself. I stopped tracking meals and weighing ingredients. I stopped setting goals and deadlines. I ate what I wanted because that's what I thought intuitive eating was. I talked about my feels. I journaled. I cut off people (and subs) that were 'triggering,' and politely changed topic when it veered back to food, bodies, goals...basically everything that I've identified as a fundamental aspect of my personality for as long as I can remember. I bought clothes in my current size. I did the things I was waiting until I was skinnier for. I told myself that I would not worry about what I looked like anymore.
For a while the binge urges stopped. The anxiety switched to other things, like work, and moving across the country. I inadvertently yanked myself off of my anti-depressants by packing them away when I scooped up the rest of my life and left everything and everyone I know. But I was okay...until I weighed myself and realized I wasn't okay. I am not. Okay.
Forty pounds. In the span of a year I gained a whopping 40lbs. I almost undid all of the progress I've made since I started taking weight loss seriously. Forty. Fucking. Forty!!!!!
So now I'm taking the opposite approach. I said goodbye to the therapist - if this is what 'recovery' entails, I want no part of it. I would at least like to look sick before I have another intervention. Going from fat back to obese isn't fixing a problem, it's adding another.
Anyway, hi guys. I'm back. You may have remembered me, I'm Size666. I have a great job and a new start in a new city clear across the country from where I spent my entire life. I'm turning 34 in about 6 months and I weigh 215lbs as of this morning. (Ow. That was hard to type out). I refuse to give up the one thing I know is integral to my happiness.
I'm going back to my fasts, and my obsessive charts counting and scrutinizing every bite. I'm coming back to my 'triggers.' I've missed you all.
[Rant/Rave] no progress whatsoever
/u/disorderedthrowaway1 [5'6" | CW: 126 | GW: 115-110 | BMI: 20| -10 | 19F]
Created: Thu Sep 20 13:28:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hi6ea/no_progress_whatsoever/
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28 days of restricting, with an average net of 872 calories a day. I've gone over 1200 consumed (not net) maybe 2 or 3 times, I've started working out including running and tennis, I drink more water and I use laxatives (normal amount for me, no abuse yet lol).
28 days later I've lost TWO POUNDS. two. JUST TWO. ONE PLUS ONE. I am confused and devastated and I simultaneously want to give up and double down. I hear a lot about water retention and "whooshing" but I've eaten pretty close to maintenance before (around 1600) and it didn't change anything. Any idea what's going on??
[Discussion] I trust a reflective window to accurately tell me what my body looks like more than an actual mirror.
/u/dbt-girl [5'2" | self-care]
Created: Thu Sep 20 13:06:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hhzvq/i_trust_a_reflective_window_to_accurately_tell_me/
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Do you think there’s any validity behind this?
Best electrolyte drink?
/u/slightlyannoyed0 [5'5 | CW:120 | GW:105| UGW: 90]
Created: Thu Sep 20 13:04:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hhz6i/best_electrolyte_drink/
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So I have been floating around 120 for the past week and a half, restricting my calories to 600-800 per day and stressing since I suck at life. I did some research on how to lose water weight, since I do take birth control and that is a side effect. The water retention is highly annoying, and I am pretty sure I could lose maybe 2 or 3 pounds just by getting rid of the water in my circulatory system. Upon more research, I found out that you should
-not be consuming high sodium products (not a big fan of salty things, unless I am forced to eat it)
-drink more water (would this be considered as "fighting fire with fire"? I am trying to lose the water, not add. Unless it flushes it out somehow...)
-take magnesium supplements (I have never had those before, and I don't want to go to GNC right now to obtain them, are there such things as cheap magnesium supplements that actually work with water retention? I am aware that magnesium can also help with bowel movements, which I REALLY need (magnesium citrate helps the most, apparently) plus I don't want my magnesium levels to be through the roof while my calcium and iron levels are lower than Hell. One side effect of taking magnesium supplements is... drum roll... changes in electrolytes in the blood) Speaking of electrolytes (since magnesium is one... I believe), that leads to the next tip:
-electrolytes
My electrolytes are fucked up from not eating as much, and drinking so much water. The imbalance may be what is retaining the water in my body, so that's why I ask this question:
What is the best drink for electrolyte imbalance and what can help with water retention the most?
(I'm also 16, which might be a contributing factor (age) for retention also. I won't be able to menstruate for another month, so hopefully I won't be sitting at 120 until I get my period)
I want something low calorie or NO calorie since I am near my maximum caloric intake for today (600cal). I also live in America (southern), so I need stuff that might be located at a Target, Whole Foods, or Sprouts.
Thanks for reading this... it's hella long, I'm sorry. Thank you for any responses that are helpful in any way also!
Today has been terrible and it isn’t even noon yet
/u/stingerlightning
Created: Thu Sep 20 12:53:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hhvxt/today_has_been_terrible_and_it_isnt_even_noon_yet/
---
My morning went normal except for the fact i didn’t get my coffee cause no caffeine for my test i just had. I went to my morning class and it was okay but then i had to leave for my EEG and thats where everything went south. I got super anxious and then during the EEG i had to quickly breath for like 3 whole minutes and my blood pressure and heart rate went up and i started getting dizzy and feeling like i couldn’t breathe. This sent my anxiety through the fuckin roof but thats what i get for having shitty smokers lungs. Then i got even more nervous after the test and started crying in the parking lot and my dad got incredibly confused. I just went home and sat in the shower and cried. Now i get to get ready for school again. What a great fucking day.
[Rant/Rave] Purged for the first time in over a month, face looks like I instantly gained 10 pounds...
/u/sugafreedreams [18M / 181cm 🏳️🌈 HW: 101 (BMI 30.8) / CW: 56 (BMI 17.1)]
Created: Thu Sep 20 12:48:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hhufs/purged_for_the_first_time_in_over_a_month_face/
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I was doing really well with not purging even once in the past 6 weeks (before which I was doing it daily for months) and my face had even slimmed down considerably, until I suddenly got a massive inexplicable urge to go out and buy over a liter of cheap ice cream to b/p on. The hands-free skills that made my purging so bad have apparently not gone away or even gotten weaker at all, everything came up effortlessly in less than 30 seconds projectile vomiting style, kinda like that scene in The Exorcist. I guess purging is a lot like riding a bike, you can't really unlearn it once you've succeeded in it even once. And now I'm stuck with puffy cheeks for a couple of days, all for one b/p that wasn't even as good as I expected it to be.
It's probably not something that anyone else can notice, I just look bloated in the face even though I'm well hydrated and my stomach isn't bloated at all. Doesn't really help that I already carry an abnormal amount of fat in my cheeks and lack any sort of sharp angles in my face. Don't do it kids, for the sake of your cheekbones.
I ran SIX MILES last night and GAINED 3 POUNDS?!?!!!
/u/Squirrella [5ft | CW 155| GW 100| 39 F]
Created: Thu Sep 20 12:46:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hhtp5/i_ran_six_miles_last_night_and_gained_3_pounds/
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FML, time for nothing but coffee today. :(
DAE take vyvanse? What are your experiences with it?
/u/thinwishes_ [5'7" | CW 135 lb | GW 125 lb | UGW 120 lb | F]
Created: Thu Sep 20 12:42:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hhskg/dae_take_vyvanse_what_are_your_experiences_with_it/
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[Rant/Rave] I’m so mad
/u/FastestDickEver
Created: Thu Sep 20 12:39:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hhrkd/im_so_mad/
---
There’s this girl on my uni course who’s just so naive but today really blew my mind.
I study fine art and most of my practise at the moment is sculpture inspired by my ed. Well today I was explaining this to her and when she questioned what I eat I told her about my fear foods and all that. Now I don’t mind her asking that, if she learns something about how fucked up this illness is then that’s got to d a good thing right?
However her response was ‘well can you give me some of that please, id love to eat less!’ And laughed in my face.
Yeah for sure let me give you some of my deadly mental illness????
And to top it all off she later came up to me and waved a chocolate bar in my face and laughed. Who the fuck thinks taunting someone with an ed is a good idea?!
I’m so sorry for the rant but I just can’t believe this happened. I think cause I’m still visibly a ‘healthy’ weight she doesn’t take me or my illness seriously. I’m so fed up of not being listened to or people treating me like I’m not bad enough to be suffering yet.
[Rant/Rave] I've started eating more since I've gotten a food scale and it's weirding me out
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2 | 148 | Aiming for 146 by 10/1 | -12| f21]
Created: Thu Sep 20 12:33:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hhpwj/ive_started_eating_more_since_ive_gotten_a_food/
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Food scale, I love you, but you make me eat too much. So I feel like most people have the opposite problem, ie eat more before they use a food scale. But I'm eating more? Like being accuate with my calories has felt like it's given me permission to not over estimate, or say "I get one date" because 3 small ones were 46g so I got 3 for the price of 2! It's like it's made me feel more comfortable
Also coincides with eating 1,000 come hell or high water which I think is equally adding to the feeling of eating a ton, those extra 200 are a lot man.
I'm worried now that I'm over eating or something like that. It's ridiculous because a normal person would be elated to be able to eat more, but I think about getting too compliant with eating a lot and then stop losing or gaining even though that's impossible on 1,000. Ugh I'm not anxious about food for once and that makes me fucking anxious, what's wrong here
[Rant/Rave] Panicking over going to a restaurant tonight that doesn’t have published calorie counts
/u/sneakyburrito
Created: Thu Sep 20 12:29:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hhomm/panicking_over_going_to_a_restaurant_tonight_that/
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It’s so fucking dumb. I hate that I can’t just go to a restaurant every once in a while and enjoy a small portion of food like a normal person. But I’m legitimately dreading this. I’ll aim for the lightest thing possible and only eat half, but still. It’s a control thing and I’m fucking panicking.
[Goal] My chest sticks out further than my stomach!!!!!!!!
/u/kpatable [5'9.5" | 135 lbs | F]
Created: Thu Sep 20 12:28:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hhoat/my_chest_sticks_out_further_than_my_stomach/
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And I have very small boobs. So this is a huge deal! 😅😍 I was a borderline obese child, so I've had a tummy since then, even when I got down to my LW during my AN relapses. Plus I have mild IBS, so I bloat super easily. But I've been exercising more regularly for the past several months, and recently I've been eating less bc my depression has been worse (yay 😳), so I guess that all has finally come together!!! This has NEVER happened before y'all! Granted, I had zero boobs pre-transition (i'm a trans girl), but like, still! Gah! 😍
I've been weighing and measuring myself less often recently, so Idk what's going on with the numbers and such (flair is accurate since the last time I weighed). But I'm very happy with this result right now! 😊
[Discussion] Caring for others by feeding them
/u/1354267
Created: Thu Sep 20 12:25:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hhnel/caring_for_others_by_feeding_them/
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because you won’t care for yourself in the same way.
It’s so weird to me that if someone I care about is hungry, I’ll drop what I’m doing and cook something nice for them. If I’m hungry, I’ll grab a sparkling water and try to figure out something that sounds good and is worth however many calories, only to give up and only eat dinner. If one of my friends told me they were hungry, I would NEVER just tell them to drink a sparkling water instead. But I tell myself that all the time.
Weirdest Internet diet you have tried?
/u/subarremos [5'3 | CW: 99 | GW: 88]
Created: Thu Sep 20 12:24:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hhn4f/weirdest_internet_diet_you_have_tried/
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Healthy tips and tricks that have helped me with binge eating.
/u/Flesh-And-Bone [Too Short | Too Fat | Too Old | Duderino]
Created: Thu Sep 20 12:23:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hhmwi/healthy_tips_and_tricks_that_have_helped_me_with/
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I have been reducing my binges by eating slowly and mindfully. When I'm tempted, I remind myself that binge eating makes me feel gross, that it will leave me puffy and bloated, that it reverses my progress.
Whenever I have a day when I go overboard on calories, I restrict the next day...but not too low.
I also regularly plan cheat days into my diet because I've found that those help with not binge eating. If I have one day a week where I can eat whatever I want, I don't need to worry about it. If I'm craving something, I can eat it. If I'm not craving something, I don't bother.
When I do crave something, I try to think of healthy substitutions. I love popcorn and tortilla chips, but I also love rice cakes. If I really want tortilla chips or popcorn, I can eat them, but I could also crunch on some rice cakes, which are lower calories, lower sodium, and higher volume. Mist them with oil (lightly) and sprinkle on just a touch of potassium salt and they're 90% as good (to me).
Aside from that, there's no secret. It's a struggle. There are days when I see a pack of Little Debbie's and I want to down them right in the store. Eating food mindfully helps, as I mentioned. Chew it slowly, savor every bite. Eventually, I'm like, "Hmm, this isn't interesting to taste anymore," and I'll put it away. I can have more later.
As an example of this stuff in practice, a few weeks ago I wanted ice cream. It was a cheat day, so I can have ice cream if I want. The store had all these delicious flavors, and I decided to try out one of the "low calorie" options, some kind of Halo Top competitor. Cinnamon? Yes. It was something new, it was something cold, and it was something sweet: all things that I wanted. It wouldn't be quite as good, but what the hell. Slowly and deliberate, I ate it, and by the time a third was in my belly, I was done with it. I did the same thing twice more that day. When all was said and eaten, I had my fill of ice cream *and* didn't binge anything.
If I had gobbled up the whole container, I would have just gotten another later in the day and repeated the process.
from freshman to sophomore year of college
/u/cortizonegnome [5'3" | bingetastic CW: 107 | GW 92 | UGW 88 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 20 12:12:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hhjl9/from_freshman_to_sophomore_year_of_college/
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I've witnessed my peers gain the freshman 15 (..20,25...etc.). like I didn't notice it at first but after a summer apart its really obvious. and like god I'm terrified. I hate how my body insecurities make me so hyper aware of others' weights but I just *can't help* but notice. I just see how different they look with the weight on and I can't help but imagine how I'd look if I freshman 15'd in reverse. like I know what another 15 lbs looks on others so just imagine if I could take a pair of shears and cut if off of my own body. I just had to confess this to someone bc no way in hell im letting anyone I know irl that I notice others' weights to any degree b/c that's truly an asshole thing to do:/
[Discussion] DAE...
/u/FitCelery3 [5'7" | 118| b/f 11.4%| UGW 113 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 20 12:08:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hhiin/dae/
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Drink a lot of coffee/diet soda to avoid hunger?
Like to lose weight?
Feel prettier when skinnier?
Smoke to avoid hunger?
Feel uncomfortable around food?
Just checking to make sure it’s not just me lol hi ProED sub
[Rant/Rave] I HATE asking for spinach at Subway! 😡
/u/kernalmustache [169cm ♀ | CW 105lbs | BMI 16.7 | SW 130lbs 🌸]
Created: Thu Sep 20 12:07:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hhi7w/i_hate_asking_for_spinach_at_subway/
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Every single time I ask for spinach the sandwich makers without fail grab the ranch bottle and put **so much** dressing on my sandwich despite my immediate and repeated objections. Even if I point to the spinach they still do it! I just want a healthy sandwich. I don't need to waste my calories for the day on thick creamy sauces.
Problems with unauthorized touching?
/u/Linzcro
Created: Thu Sep 20 12:02:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hhgl8/problems_with_unauthorized_touching/
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I work in a small office (less than 10 employees). I’ve mentioned before on here that I don’t have an eating disorder per say but I have been losing weight rapidly due to effort and illness/medication. I’m down at least 45 lbs and want at least 30 more gone to be at the low end of healthy BMI.
This is the most supportive and helpful weight loss forum I’ve found so I thought I’d post here especially since if I post on r/loseit they’d hate on me for being part of this community and even having this problem.
There’s this woman at work who is overweight by quite a bit. I only add that detail because maybe that’s why she does this but I don’t know. Anyway, since I’ve lost weight she’s started feeling the need to touch me and say something like ‘ooh look at you losing weight! I lost 3 pounds last week!’ She started at my hip but today she touched MY FUCKING COLLARBONE! Not a day goes by where she doesn’t comment (I hate this too!) or touch me.
We have no HR. I wear scrubs to work (not that that matters, I could be naked and she doesn’t have permission) and I don’t mention anything about my diet or illness. I am extremely private.
What I can’t understands why I can’t tell her to fuck off as I would tell my 10 year old daughter to say, or my husband if anyone touched them without their permission.
I was just wondering if any of you fine ladies and gents knew of a tactful way of addressing this. This woman in particular has never been my favorite but it’d be the same sentiment.
Any input and anecdotes would be appreciated. TIA
[Rant/Rave] i’m happy??? pt 2
/u/smolbeanbaby [5'2 | 132 | 24.1 | 34 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 20 11:52:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hhdz0/im_happy_pt_2/
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i feel good about my body?? i’m staring at myself in the mirror before i get in the shower and i have all these scars but i look pretty? and i love myself right now so much it’s crazy. i’m just glancing at myself and nothing is grossing me out. i have my matching necklace with ‘my’ boy on and my hair is messy and i don’t have eyebrows on and there’s so many bandaids on my arms but i feel, like, beautiful.
we didn’t go to the arcade last night but i went over to his house after work and we just sat outside and looked at the stars and vaped and talked. a lot of talking and dumb jokes. and we kissed after like months of build up and it was amazing?? and i was/am just so happy and calm it’s incredible. i missed him so much and now that he’s here again it’s like the world has stopped being so overwhelming because i know he’s here and i have him with me again. i love this fucker so much i can’t. i want to hug him for forever
[Rant/Rave] I am a fucking mess
/u/Yoni1660
Created: Thu Sep 20 11:45:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hhbtz/i_am_a_fucking_mess/
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I decided to eat a burger today since I put myself through hell yesterday by restricting too much and my boyfriend said jr. bacon cheeseburger instead of jr. cheeseburger no cheese and I corrected him and he had to think about it and then it was too late ( we went in the drive through) and I was panicking and literally about to cry over a fucking BURGER! he got mad at me because he thought I was mad at him and now he’s being moody. I told him it wasn’t his fault but he’s still moody. Why am I so fucking pathetic and why is he too DENSE TO REALIZE I RELAPSED
i feel fat
/u/fluxoldrums
Created: Thu Sep 20 11:33:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hh8hu/i_feel_fat/
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i'm only 3 pounds from my comfortable weight at the moment and i don't know how. i've been binging for a couple months nonstop and eating out a lot. everyday i try to count calories or fast but it doesn't work and i'm so stressed i don't have the motivation i used to but i also feel bad about myself all the time and i feel bloated and disgusting. i feel like i've become comfortable with eating a lot and it scares me i just want to lose 6 pounds to be at 100 and maintain it but it seems impossible. is there anything that helped you guys get out of this?
[Rant/Rave] I’ve done it!!! My first ever 48 hour water fast!! Now I’m going to do a very low calorie OMAD from now on and then maybe try another water fast some other time!
/u/Throwaway-hideaway [5’2” | CW:48.6kg | SW:57kg | F | Maintaining?]
Created: Thu Sep 20 11:31:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hh7uj/ive_done_it_my_first_ever_48_hour_water_fast_now/
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https://i.redd.it/bq2xa2waifn11.jpg
[Help] Help I’m panicking
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | CW: 114 | GW:105 | UGW 100 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 20 11:28:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hh73b/help_im_panicking/
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So I’m trying to get to 110 and this week I’ve been stuck at 115. I’m trying to stick to 600 calories a day. I’m going home from school tomorrow through Sunday. I don’t know how to maintain 600 calories at home since I can’t count calories. I’m so sorry I’m gonna start gaining again.
[Discussion] Question about short and long term effects of restriction on heart rate
/u/SemicolonButterfly
Created: Thu Sep 20 11:27:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hh6s5/question_about_short_and_long_term_effects_of/
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In the short term, restriction seems to result in an elevated heart rate for me. I mostly notice this while exercising. My chest feels tight...almost like an anxiety attack. I’m taking on plenty of fluids so it’s not dehydration, though I suppose potassium/magnesium deficiency could be in play.
But then in the long term, restriction/low weight seems to result in a dangerously low heart rate.
Curious how the same eating behavior produces different effects over time. (Hopefully not a stupid question.)
Dae enjoy watching those around you eat caloric food?
/u/epevapa
Created: Thu Sep 20 11:26:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hh6e4/dae_enjoy_watching_those_around_you_eat_caloric/
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English isnt my first lenguage so I hope you understand. Does anybody else enjoys watching your friendsde eating so much calories than you? For example today i had my friend having lunch at home and we cooked pasta, i served myself a small portion with nothing but offered my friend sausages, olive oil, cheese, coke. And knowing her food was a lot mor caloric than mine gives me pleasure. Or going for coffee and having a blackcoffee while my friend gets one with milk cream etc and I Also suggest them to buy something to eat. Is it weird?
How the F did I get here?
/u/ParkLaineNext [5'4" | 127 | 22 | 14 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 20 11:19:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hh4my/how_the_f_did_i_get_here/
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Every rational part of me knows eating below BMR is stupid. I weightlift, I want to be strong and build muscle. But every fiber of me wants to get rid of the fat.
It’s all I think about. I’ve lost close to 14 lbs and I forgot how much I loved being small. Between compliments from men and women, a woosh, and being able to restrict for a whole week straight... It’s not helping. I’m not even restricting very low (1000-1300) but every day has been a 600+ deficit.
The control is euphoric. Pray for some sense.
I just needed to get this off my chest. I can’t tell anyone else 😩
[Discussion] DAE Obsessively want fruit after a b/p?
/u/AniTrash [5’5 | CW: 127.4 | BMI: 21.2 | SW: 190 | 22F]
Created: Thu Sep 20 10:56:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hgxrt/dae_obsessively_want_fruit_after_a_bp/
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It always happens, after I’m done purging my brain is like “hey you know what you need right now? Kiwis, apple juice, watermelon, cantaloupe, coconut water, bananas, a berry smoothie, peaches, etc”
Is it the electrolytes in fruit like potassium? Or is it just that fruits are water-rich and I’m dehydrated?
[Rant/Rave] Here’s a huge FUCK YOU on behalf of everyone who’s ever been scrutinised for how they eat.
/u/CalmConcern [175cm/5'9"|53.4kg/117.8lbs|17.4 |F]
Created: Thu Sep 20 10:39:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hgswm/heres_a_huge_fuck_you_on_behalf_of_everyone_whos/
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I have this one auntie, who isn’t a bad person, at least I don’t think so. But EVERY SINGLE TIME I eat anything in front of her, she HAS TO COMMENT ON MY FOOD. ALWAYS. Not once has she seen me cooking/preparing my meals/eating and not say a single thing.
And I don’t know about you guys, but I’m extremely protective of my food (not sharing, partly due to ed and partly due to germs), and I kid you not, she once PUT HER HAND INTO MY BOWL AND GRABBED a chip from a bowl of chips I was eating from. I was so pissed off, but I was so dumbfounded I didn’t say anything.
Here are a list of things she’s said about my food :) maybe you guys can relate to these annoying as fuck comments:
1. That looks so sad
2. Wow i could never eat like you
3. Are you sure that’s filling? Where’s your protein? (I’m vegetarian)
4. You might as well not have eaten
5. I would never eat that (with disgust on her face) (well I didn’t fucking offer it to u u minging bitch)
6. I can’t believe you’re not eating this
AND ALWAYS IN FRONT OF PEOPLE SO OTHER PEOPLE START WATCHING ME EAT BLOOdy hell
Guys I’m so sorry about the unpleasantness and excessive swearing but I’ve fucking had it with her.
[Other] oh yes
/u/MeelinFelo [166cm | 52.2kg | 19.1 | -20kg| F]
Created: Thu Sep 20 10:32:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hgqtv/oh_yes/
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https://i.redd.it/pisyopat7fn11.jpg
[Help] To fast or not to fast....
/u/lilmdjd [5'3 | CW: 130 | HW: 147 | LW: 115 | 23F]
Created: Thu Sep 20 10:23:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hgo5b/to_fast_or_not_to_fast/
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I’ve been restricting around 700 for a few weeks now ( we a few exception days here and there) last night it caught up to me and I felt so faint during my yoga class. Like just really, really weak. I have been supplementing electrolytes etc so I know it’s not that. Anyway, I woke up at 3 am and my body was demanding carbs. I ate about 1000 calories of healthy food (protein smoothie, cliff bar, almonds) , putting me at around 1700 for the day in total. My maintenance is generally around 1600, so even though rationally I know it’s not a big deal I want to fast today. But also I feel like I’m spiraling and I only want to lose like 5-7 more pounds and maybe I should just let myself eat normally for a day and lose it a little slower?
I have 40 min to place my order for lunch at work. I want to get veggie sushi, which would only be around 300-400 cal. But I feel obligated to fast today. And I’m scared if I eat the sushi I’ll lose control and eat everything later. Idk what to do. This blows.
[Help] waist trainers/corsets?
/u/goneralphio
Created: Thu Sep 20 10:17:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hgmji/waist_trainerscorsets/
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have any of you guys tried either of these? im coming to the realization that no matter how much i lose im still going to be built like a little boy (no boobs, no butt, hip dips. thanks mom & dad!!)
im curious if a waist trainer or corset would help? im so jealous of girls who look feminine no matter what they wear because of their bigger hips and tiny waist.
i also think that the compression on my stomach could be comforting when fasting, or to help when i feel jiggly
do they work? if you've tried either let me know what you think or if you have recs!!!
Wrong order gone right.
/u/xStingx
Created: Thu Sep 20 10:17:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hgmhn/wrong_order_gone_right/
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I've been stuck at the same weight for the whole month now. 142 pounds. These past two weeks have been pretty Rocky for me because I've been eating way over my calorie limit. Not enough to gain weight but enough to make a person with an eating disorder freak out. I had been starting to think my eating disorder was going away. The thought scared me, but didn't stop me from hitting up one of favorite restaurants yesterday. They sell Mediterranean foods and have a lot of cool vegetarian, vegan dishes.
I always get the falafel with pita and a side of fries 'cause I'm vegan (or at least I was, lol. Keep reading). So I place my order, they hand me a number and I go sit at an empty table, thumbing through my phone to kill time. I'm so fucking hungry at this point and can't wait to get my mouth on those little balls of chickpea. Sitting at a table in front of me was a woman and her two kids, waiting for their order as well. My phone dings and it's a text from my sister reminding me to meet her at my place so that we can go to Walmart. I text back telling her that I'm on my way, just waiting for my food. About ten minutes go by and a guy comes over with a bag of three trays. He hands me a peice of paper with my order on it and proceeds to read it back. I nod, letting him know it was correct and he points over to a station where the napkins and silverware were, then he thanks me and goes back to the kitchen. I look at my bag. Three trays. Wow. This isn't really something unusual for them. I'd ordered once before and they'd given me two trays. I figured maybe they just put everything in separate boxes. Before I leave, I go grab a few napkins and then head out to my car. Once inside I pull a brown paper bag out that was sitting on top of the three trays. I open it. Inside are different sauces and I'm just like. ''Wow, they really outdid themselves. I never get sauces'' (lol). Anyway, I pull out of the parking lot and I'm on my way. As I'm driving the smell of the food is so enticing so once I hit a red light, I open up the first tray, just a little, and grab out some fries. Light turns green and I press the gas, about ten minutes away from my apartment at this point. I'm still shoving fries into my pig whole and now I'm dying to get my mouth on some falafel. Next red light, I flip the tray open completely and gasp in disbelief at what I see. A fucking cheeseburger. ''No fucking way.'' I yell out. Flipping the lid closed and pulling out the second tray. I was sure the next one was my falafel. I open it, my heart breaking once again. Another cheeseburger. The light is green now, I press the gas hard. I'm upset, I can't turn around I'm already more than halfway to my place. But there was still one more tray left. I'm hungry and I want my fucking falafel. I pull the last tray from the bag, say a silent prayer, and flip back the lid. ''FUCK,'' I scream out. Chicken strips. I'm hurt at this point. I call up my sister and tell her about my devestating discovery. She's laughing and is also in disbelief. ''They must have given me the order of the lady and her two children.'' I tell her. I'm still not sure how they manged to fuck that up. I'm about five minutes from home now, the smell of the food is almost taunting me. I say fuck it and grab one of the burgers, ravenously biting down into it. Damn, it's good. A few more bites as I'm pulling into my parking spot, half of the burger gone. I place everything back into the bag and head up the stairs to my apartment. My sister is inside, laughing as soon as she sees me. I give her a tray with the other burger and I give the chicken strip tray to my younger brother who had stayed the night. The other half of my burger, I tell my sister to give to her son. I don't even know how many calories I consumed yesterday, it will forever be a mystery. At Walmart I ended up saying fuck it again and bought a KitKat bar. I mean my vegan diet was already fucked that day, might as well exacerbate it. I went to sleep depressed that night, quite sure the scale was gonna punish me for my sin. I stepped on the scale this morning and whaydoyaknow--139.5.
I whooshed.
And now I'm a vegetarian.
[Help] Where do you get ephedrine to ECA stack?
/u/binya__binya_
Created: Thu Sep 20 10:17:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hgmbw/where_do_you_get_ephedrine_to_eca_stack/
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My binges and purges have gotten out of hand. I’m done purging. I cannot do it anymore. I’m always exhausted and feel completely depleted. I’ve been reading about ECA Stacks but I’m confused about the ingredients/ where to buy? Thanks!
[Other] Lost 20 lbs, jeans fit the exact same?
/u/elevenbravo274 [5'7 | 110 | 17 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 20 10:10:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hgkhi/lost_20_lbs_jeans_fit_the_exact_same/
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Yesterday was the first semi-chilly day we’ve had in months, so I put on my jeans. The last time I wore them I was 20 pounds heavier...they weren’t loose or baggy in the slightest. I’m trying to convince myself it’s because I haven’t worn them in a while so they haven’t gotten stretched out, but idk
[Rant/Rave] I lost my job and now I'm broken
/u/ISetMyGnomesOnFire
Created: Thu Sep 20 09:57:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hggbc/i_lost_my_job_and_now_im_broken/
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I lost my job yesterday.
Now I'll be too broke to eat.
My boyfriend is oddly okay with the possibility of us breaking up and me moving out of state.
At least i can control my food intake since obviously i cant do anything else
​
I bet if i was skinny he wouldn't be so easy to let go.
[Other] Stuck for the last 5 days...
/u/moonchldx [5'1'' | 114.4 | 21.7 | -11lbs | F | ]
Created: Thu Sep 20 09:37:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hgav5/stuck_for_the_last_5_days/
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I’ve been 114.4 lbs for the last 5 days...
It hasn’t moved... I think today I’m going to do a higher than 300-500cal day maybe allow myself to not take my addy and just try to eat normally but idk...
I say that now then boom I take my addy and I’m running around my house like a chicken with my head cut off doing random stuff 😂
Okay okay ! Have an awesome day everyone !
xx
[Help] help!! best strategies for breaking a binge cycle?
/u/justprettyconfused [5'4 | CW: 113 | GW: 100?? | 19F]
Created: Thu Sep 20 09:26:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hg7of/help_best_strategies_for_breaking_a_binge_cycle/
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i've been stuck in an awful binge cycle for about a month, causing me to gain 7 pounds. it's made me really fucking depressed too. i'm desperate to get back to normal but i'm having a really hard time because this doesn't usually happen to me. if you guys have literally any tips on how to break a binge cycle and get back to low restriction asap, that would be lovely. thank you guys as always <3
What’s so bad about laxatives?
/u/jellybellynashville
Created: Thu Sep 20 09:26:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hg7mc/whats_so_bad_about_laxatives/
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So I realize that lax can be abused... but is there anything wrong with taking it 1-2 times per week? Last night/today was my first go-round with lax and it worked amazingly well considering I haven’t pooped since Sunday (sorry tmi). It’s hard to regularly poop when you eat very little, so after today I’m really thinking this could help... but I’ve heard about the dangers. What do y’all think?
[Rant/Rave] Anyone else delete any journaling or food mapping app after binging??
/u/vanilla_soy_latte [5'2" | CW: 110 (?) | GW: 95 |]
Created: Thu Sep 20 09:15:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hg4g0/anyone_else_delete_any_journaling_or_food_mapping/
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Legit i go thru these phases where I want to map out everything I eat and then when I do binge I get too guilty to record everything so I delete the app instead :')
Ps: wth does DAE stand for
[Help] How do you guys do the college thing?
/u/aisha7 [5'2'' | HW 141 |CW 129| -11 lbs | 18F]
Created: Thu Sep 20 08:59:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hfzto/how_do_you_guys_do_the_college_thing/
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I’m a freshman in college. I just failed my first exam because I spent all last night b/p instead of sleeping or studying. I binged bc i was stressed, I purged because I hate feeling full. I’m literally crying on my dorm floor because I finally feel like my ED has taken over my life. I don’t have anyone talk to because they think I’m recovering or they don’t know. Do y’all have any advice for me?
[Rant/Rave] eating under 600 cals for past 2 weeks...1 lb weight loss?
/u/lowfatavocado [5'6.5 | cw 119.5 | BMI 19 | gw 105 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 20 08:56:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hfz2i/eating_under_600_cals_for_past_2_weeks1_lb_weight/
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What in gods forking name? Does the air have calories? Am I absorbing the calories I watch other people eat? What the tator tots is going on here...
Homecoming
/u/KaitlynMK
Created: Thu Sep 20 08:32:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hfsj6/homecoming/
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My boyfriend straight up told me he wouldn’t go to homecoming with me if I wasn’t setting. 😂😂 suuuuure
[Discussion] Everyone around me has disordered eating
/u/BladderPatrol
Created: Thu Sep 20 08:22:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hfpgm/everyone_around_me_has_disordered_eating/
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I feel like I’m aware of a pretty high number of people with eating disorder patterns. Maybe it’s the kind of people I like or maybe undiagnosed EDs are waaay more common than I think. Has anyone else experienced this?
It makes me feel like the way I treat food is strange, but so many people I’ve known have mentioned disordered eating so I don’t think it’s really out there. I still don’t believe that I have an eating disorder. But I find it odd that so many people have shown signs of one.
Some examples:
A woman I work with says she used to have a terrible ED. She restricted a ton when she was younger.
A close coworker and I mutually revealed we suffered from severe restriction and purging and body dysmorphia.
One of my close friends is clearly orthorexic, but I don’t bring it up.
My best friend moved to LA and I could see her struggle with disordered eating and body image for years.
A friend in high school was terribly thin. She wouldn’t eat anything. She got pregnant and was so frail she had to be put on bed rest for like 6 months and doctors wanted her to gain a lb a week, but she wouldn’t eat because she ‘wasn’t hungry’
A girl I was close friends with in high school restricted and purged.
A thin, lovely girl I worked with just wrote a blog about her disordered, restricted eating and unhealthy relationship with food.
Apartment complex is giving out free to-go breakfast for resident appreciation week.
/u/demonofequality
Created: Thu Sep 20 08:17:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hfo6b/apartment_complex_is_giving_out_free_togo/
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Initially when I heard this I was like "sweet, free food!"....so this morning they hand out these bags as you leave the complex containing: fruit snacks, juice box, and a fucking chocolate chocolate-chip muffin. 630 calories total.
My immediate first thought - "at least they give you juice to throw it back up with"
I get to work and reiterate this story and thought to my boyfriend (who knows my issues and is as supportive as possible) and he offers to take it from me (and eat it) "No."
I don't want to eat this muffin. But I don't want to give it up.
If I do eat this muffin, I will puke it back up. Fully knowing this I still 100% refuse to throw it away or give it away.
\#iamdumb #thisisdumb #dumbdumbdumb
Just need to vent about how I've been feeling
/u/noodlesandshit [173cm | 48kg | 16.4 | -50kg | i still hate my body ]
Created: Thu Sep 20 07:58:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hfiww/just_need_to_vent_about_how_ive_been_feeling/
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This is going to be a long one, sorry.
I reached my goal weight a while ago. Then I decided to drop a couple more kilos just to be ”sure” and ”safe”. So I did that. And it still doesn’t feel enough.
I’ve come to realise how weak I am physically. I can’t run, squat or even ride a bike without feeling like my legs are going to give in. I am constantly freezing cold. I know I’m sick and I am a bit concerned about it but not enough to stop restricting and wanting to lose weight.
I think about food all the fucking time. What can I eat today? How many calories is good for today? Weighing everything, counting calories in everything, panicking if I don’t know the amount of calories in what I eat. Dreaming about eating junk food. Weighing myself everyday and feeling absolutely disgusted if I had gained even the smallest amount of water weight.
I started uni this fall. I want to do good, I want to get good grades. I also want to socialise and make friends and have a good time. But I can’t. Everything involves food or drinking. Restricting large amounts makes my head all cloudy and it’s difficult to concentrate which makes studying all more challenging. My life revolves around food. And I choose to do this all to myself. For what, really? I hate my body, I always have. I used to be BMI 32 four years ago. Now I’m a pile of bones, weak muscles and skin. I drape myself in oversized clothes to hide my body. I have to pile layers upon layers to only feel slightly cold.
A lot of people have noticed and are concerned. I don’t want them to be. I mean it’s all twisted and shit because sure, I want random people to look at me and notice how thin I am and all that, but I don’t want my friends and family to worry about me. Obviously I can’t have both. I have to lie to my own mother about my weight. ”No, mum, I haven’t lost any more weight.” ”Yes, mum, I’m trying to eat better and more.” ”I promise things are going a lot better.” ”You don’t have to worry about me.”
I hate all this. I hate myself. I’m terrified of getting fat. I want to be skinny, I want to weigh less, I want to eat, I don’t want to gain any weight. But I don’t really want to die either, you know.
[Rant/Rave] Its so obvious I'm emotionally eating but i do it anyway
/u/PhoneWalletInsanity
Created: Thu Sep 20 07:58:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hfiv0/its_so_obvious_im_emotionally_eating_but_i_do_it/
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I had a bad day yesterday; a lot of walking in between errands but I got very little done. Then I came home and felt lonely the entire evening; missing my friends back home, my ex back when he was in my heart, my life when it was simple.
So I decided to meal prep breakfast. And eat each pancake minutes after it came off the griddle. After getting a quality six hours of sleep, I've had a bowl of cereal for no reason other than to fill the void. Toast and yogurt sound good about now too even though I can genuinely feel the weight of food in my stomach.
All this is just because my emotions are in more turmoil than usual and eating food makes me feel safe (funny how having a restrictive ED in recovery makes me now associate eating with being in a safe place and safe body) when what I really need is a hug that goes straight to my soul from someone who actually cares about my wellbeing.
Despite knowing all this, I think I'm going to go eat something else and then maybe what I planned for dinner as well because I false sense of security is better than no sense of security.
[Help] DAE find that eating breakfast makes them hungrier?
/u/Soybeansandsprouts [🍉5'5|109|GW:105🍌]
Created: Thu Sep 20 07:58:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hfirp/dae_find_that_eating_breakfast_makes_them_hungrier/
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I usually skip breakfast and have coffee but it’s been leading to an upset stomach lately so I decided to start eating a small breakfast like fruit or protein/granola bar but now my stomach won’t shut up! I thought eating something small would make it content and satisfied but My stomach won’t stop growling and churning it’s so uncomfortable. I’m so hungry but I already ate two kiwis this morning. Yesterday I had a 300 cal protein bar and a few hours later it was back to rumble rumble rumble throughout class :/
Do any of you guys have this problem when you eat in the morning? What do you do to keep it at bay?
[Help] Diabulimia (2018) Documentary - "This is the story of Erin's life with diabulimia -- labeled as one of the most dangerous eating disorders."
/u/xnxblkout
Created: Thu Sep 20 07:50:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hfgwh/diabulimia_2018_documentary_this_is_the_story_of/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmtr4g_VopU
My sister moved a mirror into the bathroom facing the shower again!!!!
/u/charlottegsilva [5'7 | 165lb | 23 | GW: 132lbs ]
Created: Thu Sep 20 07:45:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hffcd/my_sister_moved_a_mirror_into_the_bathroom_facing/
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What the heck!!!! Apparently it’s for some art thing but she moved a mirror facing the shower so when I shower I get a good view of my body. It’s making me lose my mind!!!! Then I got on the scale and am now sobbing in my bed at 12am... I haven’t weighed myself for weeks and thought I was actually making progress in recovery lately but that sent me over the edge and am now planning a fast lol. Does anybody else feel like they let themselves go sometimes?? And then you relapse and your instincts kick in. Omg I am so afraid of a frickin number. I swear I will get even smaller than my GW because I can’t stand my self
that devastating moment
/u/2fckk
Created: Thu Sep 20 07:28:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hfaph/that_devastating_moment/
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when you sit down and take a sip of your fucking $6 green tea latte that you spent 60 minutes debating buying instead of black coffee because calories. and you realize you forgot to order is soy for the first time ever and you haven't had milk in years. So now I'm agonizing over whether I gulp this dumbass 2% hormone-ridden disgusting milk latte because I spent the money and could use the calories tbh. Or just toss it out and remain clean.
An average person would just go ask for a soy one but I'm below average.
[Rant/Rave] Hot Bobby I'm having a bad day
/u/bingeyboa [5'0" | 99lbs | 19.3 | -18lbs | F]
Created: Thu Sep 20 07:27:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hfahg/hot_bobby_im_having_a_bad_day/
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Started by oversleeping my alarm. I'm trusted at work to open us up to patrons by 7:30. Woke up at 7:10. Its an 11 minute walk to my job and no parking ever. I ran the walk in five minutes and almost gave myself an asthma attack. Sprinted through all opening duties and got it done by 7:28 but computers were down so I couldn't clock in until 7:40. Work until 9, class at 9:30, but I got out of work late so I couldn't walk back to my apartment to get things for my class without risking being late. I have the textbook in my work locker and some spare paper but that's it. It's freezing in class and my jacket is at home. I couldn't put in my contacts so I'm wearing my glasses from 2014, and I'm the ugliest (and blindest) bitch to walk the earth. I've already had five guys give me the up down dismissal today since 8am, which hasn't happened this often since I was a fat dough girl in high school.
I bought a monster to wake up and I had to pay the 400% mark up at the school store. I'm on my 84th hour of a 0-cal fast and I'm so cold and can't stop shaking. Because I woke up late I didnt even get to weigh myself, and I can't do it when I go back because I'll have drunk my monster and added weight and my anxious mind can't handle that.
I'm obsessed with my job, so being late gave me a low-level anxiety attack that's only just now abating bc I was able to confess to my boss that I was late and he said it was okay. It's going away, but ever since 7:10 am my chest has been hurting, I can't breathe, my hands have been shaking, and my entire face has had a bone ache from fear and worry. My jaw still feels like its vibrating and having electric shocks sent through it. To top it all off I had nightmares that I fell off a rollercoaster and lay there in the agony of being almost dead for most of the night (screwed up, I know), then that my mom locked me in a room and forced me to eat cake, pizza, and rice, then made me not purge.
I have classes until 7:45 and 300 pages of homework to read, and I have to record some combos to send to my dancers for the piece I'm choreographing Saturday which is due to the department on Sunday, but I've lost two dancers and the other two haven't said if they will be there on Saturday even though I know they can be and sent out the rehearsal last sunday.
I'm just hoping I don't pass out in nutcracker rehearsal today.
Thanks for listening. I just needed to vent...
Any supplements to help hairloss?
/u/ChugaChuga_ChooChoo
Created: Thu Sep 20 07:27:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hfafk/any_supplements_to_help_hairloss/
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I've been on a cycle of restriction(~400 cal) during the weekdays and binging and purging during the weekends (purging maybe only 2 times the entire weekend! HUGE improvement). It's been working well for me to shed the pounds.
Because of my binging weekends I thought I was in the clear, but always wondered why I was losing so much hair.
WELP - time to face the truth. I'm not in the clear. Not enough food is not enough food. But as all of you will probably understand, I'd rather keep this cycle sort of going but find a different way to prevent hairloss.
Would anyone know of any nutritional supplements or hair products that might help take care of this...? I've got long Asian hair btw.
Finally ready to stop
/u/maxpowersquared
Created: Thu Sep 20 07:22:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hf94i/finally_ready_to_stop/
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This is tough for me because I have only opened up to my ex wife about my struggles with bulimia (self diagnosed-I have never been to any sort of doctor about it). I am a 34 year old male and I feel like it is less common for men to develop this ED. I have had several chances to “come clean” with doctors but the words never seem to be able to come out. I delevoped this ED in basic training and it has continued for the last 10 years. I made excuse to keep doing it, first telling myself I had it under control and then telling myself I didn’t want to affect my security clearance by seeking help through mental health. But I’m done worrying about the consequences if I do seek help because I’m worried about the consequences if I don’t. Just looking for some advice on what a good first step would be. Do I see a doctor to assess any potential damage I caused? Do I seek a therapist?
Do you feel hungrier after having a low cal day the day before?
/u/dxylightt [short | 125 | GW: 95 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 20 07:20:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hf8n4/do_you_feel_hungrier_after_having_a_low_cal_day/
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I’ve always typically been an <500 or 5000+ girl when it comes to my disorder, but lately I’ve been restricting at 800-1000 and find that the next morning I’m hungry but it’s tolerable. Yesterday I had about 350 calories all day and today I woke up reaally hungry and I feel like I’m going to stay hungry all day. Does anyone else have the same thing happen to them after a low cal day? No wonder I always used to binge after 2-3 days of low restriction.
[Rant/Rave] Apparently I’m dead
/u/Yoni1660
Created: Thu Sep 20 07:13:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hf6rt/apparently_im_dead/
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These people are trying to tell me it’s impossible to be alive eating 500 calories a day. I log everything. Measure everything. Weigh everything. It is correct. On top of that they’re shaming me for having an ED. Wow thanks, I’m cured.
[Rant/Rave] Toot toot! All aboard the bulimia train
/u/purgeatory-
Created: Thu Sep 20 06:51:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hf0wn/toot_toot_all_aboard_the_bulimia_train/
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https://i.redd.it/n42iw67f4en11.jpg
DAE get terrified weight loss has stopped...
/u/InsatiableLardo [5'5"| CW: 193 | Weight Lost: 49.3 lbs | female]
Created: Thu Sep 20 06:45:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hez8r/dae_get_terrified_weight_loss_has_stopped/
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..if you only lose part of a pound than a while pound +? Sorry to the non-freedom units users on this sub. I am terrible at the maths.
I've been on a steady pattern of losing 1.1 to 1.4 pounds per day with my restriction this week. I woke up to my period and then a loss of only .4! Part of my head is trying to keep in mind that my hormones are wonky right now, it's still a loss, etc. The other part is in full on panic freak out mode that I'm going to stop losing and start gaining and be a legendary whale for the rest of my fucking life.
[Rant/Rave] buffets/buffet people disgust me
/u/morganej
Created: Thu Sep 20 06:44:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hez82/buffetsbuffet_people_disgust_me/
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I feel really disgusted and even more motivated to never touch food again when I think of all you can eat restaurants, buffets, or any public cafeteria.
Somehow the gluttony of it all, the image of people lining up with trays and empty plates, waiting like cattle to be fed disgusting food that multiple people have already spooned and probably dropped and touched disgusts me to my very core, it makes me gag and feel really uncomfortable.
I know this might be because of how much thought and care I put into my food, I plan everything religiously and when I do eat, I make it ultra healthy and home prepared, meanwhile there’s all these people who gorge themselves (in public, nonetheless) on all the oil and fat and then they go back for even more food and they stuff their faces without a care in the world. I know it’s wrong and I know some people might find this deeply insulting, but that image alone makes me feel so proud of myself and so in control of my body, even though I am probably destroying mine more than they do lol
Messed up really badly yesterday and spiralled into an awful binge 😔 But I’m trying to find the positive: I still logged every single bite and still weighed myself this morning.
/u/estoniark
Created: Thu Sep 20 06:32:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hew8e/messed_up_really_badly_yesterday_and_spiralled/
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https://i.redd.it/5i1orwoz0en11.jpg
Weekly Emotional Support September 20, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Sep 20 06:11:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9herd2/weekly_emotional_support_september_20_2018/
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We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.
Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.
**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**
*****
Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! September 20, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Sep 20 06:10:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9heqxn/daily_food_diary_september_20_2018/
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This is a daily food diary thread for September 20, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
Recommend your strangest, but tastiest food combo
/u/illsleep [5’3 | 106 | 18.7 | 78 | 🚺]
Created: Thu Sep 20 06:09:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9heqq1/recommend_your_strangest_but_tastiest_food_combo/
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mine is egg salad with just chipotle vegan mayo LMAO
[Rant/Rave] It's almost jumper weather!!!
/u/mandolinwaterfall [5'6 | 129lb | 20.8 | -32lb | F🐷]
Created: Thu Sep 20 06:08:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9heqh0/its_almost_jumper_weather/
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Okay I know this isn't a fashion sub, but In England it's starting to feel Autumnal... I'm just so excited that I can FINALLY wear big wooly jumpers again to cover up. Honestly I'm sick of people's comments in summer when more skin is showing.... BRING ON THE LAYERS!!!
Since I lost a pound this week I'm thinking about rewarding myself with a new one (rather than binging as usual and undoing the hard work...). [What do you guys think of this one?](https://www.riverisland.com/p/petite-pink-chunky-knit-jumper-721100)
[Discussion] Love for God vs ED
/u/breebunny88
Created: Thu Sep 20 05:49:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hem3o/love_for_god_vs_ed/
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DAE feel like their ED has an impact on your relationship with God? I am a Christian and I love God more than anything in this world. He is my light but I feel that having my ED, is truly keeping me from having a true relationship with him. I have never felt so far away from him (even though I know he is right here with me as I type) because of my obsession with my body, with food, with everything pertaining to the way my mind and body operates. I’m so focused on my body that is consumes majority of my thoughts/life.
I know God will get me through this rough patch in my life I’m just feeling all sorts of guilt.
Thanks for taking the time to read this regardless of your spiritual beliefs.
Xx
[Discussion] Is anyone else constantly disappointed with food?
/u/PM_ME_BrusselSprouts [5'3" | CW: 165 | BMI: 30.0 | 33, F]
Created: Thu Sep 20 05:41:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hekjl/is_anyone_else_constantly_disappointed_with_food/
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I just ate breakfast for the first time in months and it was so disappointing. I usually don't like sweets but I'm hungover and I got a free muffin at DD, so I thought why not. I'm already a fat fuck and I've completely fucked my diet up this week. First muffin I have eaten in probably three years, I got coffee cake which is my favorite, eating it with my favorite coffee and for what? It was edible but not that good.
That's how I feel most of the time. I look forward to dinner, even something I love like sushi or a burger and it's still never good enough.
So why even eat and why am I not skinny?
[Rant/Rave] Anyone else bothered by super over the top instagram food?
/u/chezpajama
Created: Thu Sep 20 05:33:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9heiq5/anyone_else_bothered_by_super_over_the_top/
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I’m talking the milkshakes with a huge scoop of ice cream on top, a donut, candy pouring out the side, a chocolate straw etc etc.
I enjoy eating food and looking at food, but I feel like I can’t keep that sort of shit off my feed.
Seems futile to keep clicking “see fewer posts like this” on cheddar waffle sandwiches stuffed with fried chicken & bacon, soaking in a soup bowl of maple syrup.
I get that it’s for visual effect, but who the fuck eats (or wants to) eat these things? They’re also super unwieldy looking and would probably end up all over your face / hands / clothes.
[Rant/Rave] stop polluting the earth
/u/twa1238 [F25| 158cm | CW 🐄 |]
Created: Thu Sep 20 05:28:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hehig/stop_polluting_the_earth/
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I used up all my vacation days this summer to limit the times my co workers interrogate me about not wearing shorts
Now it’s the beginning of fall. I happily put all my coats from the basement back into my closet, bought a new scarf and just as I did all that the sun came out again and it’s going to be around 86 degrees again all week
And everyone’s so happy ????
WELL THE POLAR BEARS AREN’T AND ME NEITHER
Does seeing the calorie count printed on a menu affect what you order?
/u/Pollyhotpocketposts
Created: Thu Sep 20 05:22:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9heg84/does_seeing_the_calorie_count_printed_on_a_menu/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/nutrition/comments/9h6uqt/does_seeing_the_calorie_count_printed_on_a_menu/
89cal beer! (UK)
/u/BunnyAwesome [5'7"| F | CW 118 | GW 105]
Created: Thu Sep 20 04:46:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9he8qf/89cal_beer_uk/
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hey lovelies, I found something I thought I should share. Asda in the UK (idk about abroad) are selling Skinny lager which is 89cal for 330ml, and it has excellent reviews too! I'll be getting some come payday and will let people know if it's any good then.
related: there's instant quinoa soup at 35-50cal depending on flavour for a mugful, which is also vegan. oh, and the beer is vegan too.
[Tip] PSA: Bai drinks have chemicals
/u/ArkhamBrothers [5’1 👻 CW:118 👻 GW:90 👻 F]
Created: Thu Sep 20 04:45:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9he8ho/psa_bai_drinks_have_chemicals/
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I know it’s around a year old but Bai supposedly has chemicals. Idk if that means that makes them secretly over 5-10 calories a bottle or not. Since they lied about that I feel they lied about calories. They got sued back in 2015 for the antioxidant claim.
I’m not saying to not drink them anymore, just warning those who might want to know! I haven’t had one in almost 3 years. It used to be my breakfast at work everyday. R.i.p.
Wasn’t sure what to flair this. Mods please change if need be.
Holy F**ing S**t: She's 17kgs
/u/MsFaceless [176cm | CW 58kg | BMI 18.3 | GW 50kg | 28F]
Created: Thu Sep 20 04:42:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9he80j/holy_fing_st_shes_17kgs/
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https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-6184159/Anorexic-woman-26-weighs-just-38lbs.html
Bad emotions this morning
/u/art_istical
Created: Thu Sep 20 04:40:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9he7nn/bad_emotions_this_morning/
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My emotions this morning are conflicting and dark and I don't know how to get through the day. How do you guys feel today? Any super awesome/super bad things going on in your lives?
How do you reward or treat yourself?
/u/moon___night
Created: Thu Sep 20 03:58:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hdz75/how_do_you_reward_or_treat_yourself/
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Food doesn't feel like much of a reward anymore (especially if it's for reaching a new GW - I'd just be too scared that I might gain from it!) I've thought about treating myself with a new piercing but I'm also worried that it won't heal well when I'm low restricting.
[Discussion] DAE obsess over camgirls or porn stars as thinspo
/u/PresentZombie
Created: Thu Sep 20 03:57:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hdz4z/dae_obsess_over_camgirls_or_porn_stars_as_thinspo/
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Hi everyone! Long time lurker, first time poster. So recently I've become really obsessed with cam girls as thinspo. Honestly it's v much because my bf has a real close friend who is also a really gorgeous and famous cam girl. She's the gf of one of his best friends but I've never met her even though we've been together for a few years. Butttt he's mentioned her before and I managed to find her online and now I can't stop stalking her! I know it's weird but she really triggers me and i can't help myself! Shes so pretty and thin! And it's lead me to obsess over other cam girls, so now I am super triggered. Why are they so tiny and perfect (like oh I see you don't have any stretch marks, that's cool...)
Sorry I'm on mobile but this is a rant/rave. Please feel free to rant about your thinspo!
[Rant/Rave] BF broke up with me (partly) because of my weight
/u/fatnihilist57 [5'8" | gw: 119lb | peach: fatnihilist | 20F]
Created: Thu Sep 20 03:39:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hdvxi/bf_broke_up_with_me_partly_because_of_my_weight/
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When I met him, I was curvy and pear shaped, now I'm just bony and I don't really have curves anymore. He'd always make comments about how I needed to weigh more and "go back to the body I used to have", but I just couldn't do it. We'd fight about it all the time, and I think it's part of the reason we broke up. I wouldn't want to deal with it either so I can't really blame him. Still sucks though, I miss him.
[Discussion] Can you gain weight from c/s?
/u/dostoyefski [5'5" | CW:128 | GW:110 ]
Created: Thu Sep 20 03:36:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hdvci/can_you_gain_weight_from_cs/
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I feel like there’s so much false information online. I know it’s not completely calorie free but it must be better than b/p right?
[Discussion] can we have a group vote on this or something
/u/isaezraa [165 | cw 53.5 | gw 52.5 | f | trying to be "healthy" lmao]
Created: Thu Sep 20 03:20:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hdsdo/can_we_have_a_group_vote_on_this_or_something/
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it seems different people think these terms mean the complete opposite to what other people think, so can we all get on the same page here because its lowkey confusing lol
**1. does high restriction mean**
a) eating a “high” amount of calories but still below maintenance to lose slowly (ie; 1000-1400)
or
b) “highly” restricting to lose weight quickly (ie;50-500)
**2. does low restriction mean**
a) eating a “low” amount of calories to lose weight quickly (ie; 50-500)
or
b) eating a “low” amount of calories below maintenance to lose weight slowly (ie; 1000-1400)
what helps your body image???
/u/misterrazorz [159 | 44.4 | 17.9 | a]
Created: Thu Sep 20 03:15:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hdrji/what_helps_your_body_image/
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so i've been sad and hungry, need some recovery inspo. please put in comments things you do that help your self/size/body image! thanks in advance; i'll start:
* dressing fashionably
* eating vegan/veggie
* going to gym
* skincare (lol)
* travelling
[Other] Yup
/u/ConstantIt
Created: Thu Sep 20 03:12:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hdr1e/yup/
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https://i.redd.it/6qnhg7ac1dn11.jpg
New job position at work mixed feelings.
/u/Hairless_Human [6' | CW 137.4 | BMI 17.88 | WL -142.6 |M 21]
Created: Thu Sep 20 02:32:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hdk0z/new_job_position_at_work_mixed_feelings/
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So I got this new job position at work. I love it except for the fact that I only walk 4-8k steps a day now vs the old 18k-23k I wouldn't really call them steps either its really just trotting back and forth pressing buttons on the machine I operate. Guess its back to walking about after work to make up for the loss. It pays really good. Like to good like how can I get so much money to simply push these buttons??? Then again if I screw up I could seriously fuck some massive shit up. But that's not the reason I love it. I love it cause it makes me feel skinny. Idk why but there are these fans that run 24/7 that blow on me and the shirt I wear is kinda baggy and I could feel it wrap around me and I just felt so freakin skinny. My other coworkers pointed out how skinny I was getting and it made me feel awesome. One said I looked sick with how skinny I was and that made me grin ear to ear. The dude probably thinks I'm on meth or something but I can assure you I have not done a single drug in my life, not even a cigarette or chew or even alcohol. I know I'm a pretty boring guy that still has his freakin V card. I went home and looked down at my body and could see my ribs and flat stomach for once instead of my dysmorphia showing a giant glob of fat. Sadly I ruined that with having to eat 2k calories. I have started eating 1 time a week on a Wednesday, I eat 2k calories of whatever then absolutely nothing till next Wednesday. Why Wednesday? Idk tbh. Sorry for going on and on but this place just makes me feel at home.
[Help] Binge eater for life?
/u/RadiantInsurance
Created: Thu Sep 20 01:47:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hdchu/binge_eater_for_life/
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I hope this is okay to post here - my first post about this, here or anywhere. I've had an ED, or at best ED behaviors, for about 15 years now. Started with restricting and over exercising, but then therapy and trying to "recover" just taught me how to binge eat. Ever since, I don't think I've gone ONE single week without a binge, in well over a decade now. And I'm talking about serious, serious binges. I feel like I've tried EVERYTHING now, and nothing has helped me stop.
The binge eating is the one thing that remains constant. I've gone through periods where I restricted super heavily, exercised regularly, and binged religiously but remained very thin. I've had times where I've been completely out of control, binged every day for days on end with no normal days in-between, and gained a ton of weight. Since I have a family and social life now, I've worked really hard to learn how to eat like a "normal" person. I don't restrict any food, or starve myself. I don't hate on my body or punish myself or hide. I don't obsessively weigh or measure myself. I've even learned to be fine without having any time to exercise in recent years. I don't let my binge eating interfere noticeably with my life (although it obviously has physical and financial consequences). I just eat with normal, healthy moderation....except when I still binge.
No one knows about this. I live a completely normal life. I'm almost 30 years old. I feel so pathetic, and sad, and hopeless that I'm still struggling with this. Like I said, I've tried pretty much anything and everything. Binges have gotten smaller and less frequent, I think I'm finally beating this, but it's always only part of a cycle that ends up getting back worse again. I've read all the books, seen all the therapists, tried all the strategies. I feel like I've resolved all my issues around food, eating, and exercise, and yet somehow the binge eating remains. I eat and act like a completely normal person 90% of the time, except for the times I'm thinking about, buying, stocking, and eating binge food. I don't know what I'm doing wrong here, but I feel so lost and hopeless sometimes.
Has anyone truly recovered from binge eating? Any insight, advice, encouragement? Am I at least not the only one? I'm not giving up, but I feel like I genuinely don't even know where to go from here. Thanks to anyone for reading and giving me a space to finally open up about this.
A waterfall of a post from an ED “vet” (x post to bulimia)
/u/allthestarsinyoureye
Created: Thu Sep 20 01:33:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hda4m/a_waterfall_of_a_post_from_an_ed_vet_x_post_to/
---
On paper I should be so happy. I have a successful medical career. I have two beautiful kids. A husband. A nice house. A luxury car. As my husband puts it “you’ve won”. But I’ve had an eating disorder since I was 15. I briefly “recover” during my pregnancies then eventually revert. I vary between restricting/purging with massive weight loss then pure binging with massive weight gain and then full blown bulimia until the cycle restarts. I feel like the biggest fraud in the world. I literally binge and purge in my call room. I wonder if security sees me stuffing my purse from the vending machine on some camera in the hospital and laugh. I wonder if people can hear from the bathroom in my call room though I run the water. Even more fun is I am borderline alcoholic. I drink every night I’m not at work, with my husband and then wait u til he sleeps and order food and b/p in the rarely used basement bathroom. No one knows this. No one. About 5-6 years ago I had a friend similar to me (also a mother) and we engaged in behaviors together. It sounds so insane to type this out. We no longer talk. Which is good since we encouraged horrific behaviors. My kids are well taken care of. They have NO idea that I drink or b/p. Once on a while I will put a tv show on and sneak upstairs and purge but not often.
I guess I just had to get this off my chest. I can’t goto treatment because I make 6 figures and my husband makes far less, I pay most of the bills. We also owe a lot to the IRS currently. We would lose everything if I wasn’t making
Money. I think I’m so smart supplementing with vitamins and magnesium when I feel muscle cramps or weakness. I know better but I still somehow think I’m above it.
I just need someone to know.
I’m still here, 11 years and I’m still lost. God, how did this get so bad?
Edited to add my husband has not indicated he knows anything currently. I once a few months ago told him I had been purging at work (his response was to stop or he would take the kids and leave) and also he knows early in our relationship I was anorexic/purging because the aforementioned friend “outed” me. I hide everything.
Going on a 7 day fast
/u/audreyhepburnwho [no binge September.]
Created: Thu Sep 20 01:16:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hd6un/going_on_a_7_day_fast/
---
Been falling off the wagon. Hard. Binged for the first time in September, two days in a row. Wanna reset it. Maximum I've gone was 5 days abd recently I've never been able to go longer than one.... But I know i can do it. At least 5, shooting for 7. I'm allowed coffee, tea, monster ultra, electrolytes, pickles and cherrys tomatoes in small amounts. Anyone wanna join? If so we could message back and forth for accountability. Please DM me if so. But please only if you think you have a real shot at making it till rhe end! If you've never done long fasts, don't shoot for such a long one immediately, i did MANY shorter fasts before. That being said if anyone seriously wants to join and start now or soon, I'd love to have someone to message every day to keep each other accountable. Now. Pray for me lol. I'm doing this because in 7 days i go on a vacation, trying to get rid of as much bloat and water weight as I can, hopefully will shed some fat too but I'm not even gonna weigh, i just wanna look and feel my best and i also don't have time in the next week to workout so this is how I compensate I guess.
Im kind of really freaking out (trigger warning kinda suicidal and hate myself and body)
/u/dollydomer [Height 5'5 | CW 109 lbs| Weight Lost 15 lbs | Gender F]
Created: Thu Sep 20 01:04:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hd4h7/im_kind_of_really_freaking_out_trigger_warning/
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I think I'm having a panic attack. prolly not the best time to post.
​
I really really don't think I'm pretty. I don't know why I'm not pretty. I want to be beautiful. I want to be perfect and the ideal girl. and people tell me all the time that I am pretty and gorgeous and whatever but the people who usually tell me just say that because they know I have body issues. they are just saying it to say it. but I have been told how pretty I am my whole life so why can't I believe it and not think they are lying. I don't know why I have an eating disorder. I have been to so much treatment and they all say they don't know and sometimes people don't know why they have an ed. I hate it. I hate not knowing and I hate not liking what I see in the mirror. I'm so tired of it. I made a calendar for my calories everyday because I have been eating around maintenance cals and I FUCKING hate myself. I want to die.
​
I am sorry if this is triggering to anyone. I have been diagnosed with bipolar 3 times and am in total denial about it but I don't even think bipolar is a real diagnosis. I have been actually happy lately and not depressed but I think starting my junior year has kick started a severely depressed and really suicidal state. I'm done I'm just done I don't know how else to put it. I want to die but I'm not planning anything or going to hurt myself so far
documentaries on anorexia
/u/BunnyAwesome [5'7"| F | CW 118 | GW 110]
Created: Thu Sep 20 00:58:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hd3cd/documentaries_on_anorexia/
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hey all, idle request and I am really sorry if this is answered elsewhere. looking for anorexia documentaries (beyond fiction like To the Bone and shows like Secret Eaters and SS vs SS which show vast food consumption)
found AnorexiaDocumentaryTV on YouTube but anything else would be appreciated.
have a great day/evening my lovelies, you really are the best community here xxx
I posted elsewhere but am hoping for support here.
/u/oh-hye-mark
Created: Thu Sep 20 00:50:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hd1sg/i_posted_elsewhere_but_am_hoping_for_support_here/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/bulimia/comments/8rhgac/at_the_beginning_and_scared/
Does anyone else get a crazy urge to binge after purging?
/u/DstroyerOfHausPlants
Created: Wed Sep 19 23:57:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hcrwf/does_anyone_else_get_a_crazy_urge_to_binge_after/
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I just purged and have an insatiable urge to binge. Does anyone else deal with this? If so, how do you keep yourself in check?
I sat on his lap and I felt so horrible.
/u/Ewimfat
Created: Wed Sep 19 23:44:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hcpgr/i_sat_on_his_lap_and_i_felt_so_horrible/
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Basically I was out with some friends and this guy who I kinda have a crush on (He also has a crush on me, we’re just waiting until one of us ask the other out) and we were messing around and he constantly had his arms around my waist and stuff but by the end of the night because there wasn’t enough space he got me to sit on his lap and I told him how bad I felt about it because I’m so fucking heavy but he said “Don’t worry, you’re the lightest person I’ve ever lifted.” I’m fucking like 60kg how??? He’s so sweet though and he makes me feel so tiny and pretty haha, he can fit one hand around both my wrists easily and I love it.
Anyone feel dizzy/lightheaded the day after b/p?
/u/cursedgehrman
Created: Wed Sep 19 23:42:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hcp1g/anyone_feel_dizzylightheaded_the_day_after_bp/
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Sometimes I feel extremely dizzy the day after b/p from pervious night, don't know if anyone feel the same?
[Help] need a pep talk
/u/problemproblem420 [5'6'' | 122 | 19.7 | 19F]
Created: Wed Sep 19 23:30:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hcmhi/need_a_pep_talk/
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hi ive been feeling so shitty this week. i was low restricting the past month and lost 10 pounds, then binged for 3 days, and now i've been fasting/high restricting on and off the past week. it's such a mess and i'm too scared to even step on the scale because every day this week my stomach has been so round and bloated. i really need a pep talk or some affirmation that it will get better. my motivation to keep going is usually losing weight--but i'm not losing any. i have about 3 weeks until my birthday and i really wanna not feel disgusting by then :( advice on getting back into low restricting? or just feeling better in general??
[Help] My best friend is falling into an eating disorder and I don't know how to help her.
/u/Space-Punk [5'11 | 22.95 | -76lbs | M]
Created: Wed Sep 19 23:30:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hcme5/my_best_friend_is_falling_into_an_eating_disorder/
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I was super active on this sub a year or so ago. I've since (sort of?) recovered and haven't been on in a long time, but my best friend is very rapidly developing what I see as an eating disorder and I don't know how to help her. She's aware of it, saying things like "I wanna have the strength to live off of tea apples and water," and "1 hour 30 minutes of cardio PER day. Limiting my food intake, MAJORLY. I'll be beautiful."
​
She knows about my ED and I've always sensed that she wished she could lose weight as I did. I've told her many times that it's not fun, that it's not a diet and that she shouldn't want to be like this, and she agrees, but when I told her that trying to lose weight like this puts so much stress on a person's body she said "I really don't care about that. I can't even think about dinner without crying because I'm scared of getting hungry."
​
What scares me is that this all happened literally overnight. Two days ago she was fine, maybe not happy with her size but not openly claiming to hate it. She followed BBW Facebook groups and wasn't afraid to eat. Now she's deleted all her photos, left all those groups, and is in major weight loss mode.
​
I totally support her losing weight if she wants to do it safely and for the right reasons but I have no clue how to steer her away from the way she's going about it without seeming like a hypocrite.
​
I don't know, I guess I'm not sure what kind of help I'm hoping for. This is probably more of a rant really. Thanks for reading.
[Rant/Rave] Purged for the first time in YEARS...
/u/catalystrose [5'1 | 112 | BMI 21.2 | GW 98 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 19 23:25:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hclmk/purged_for_the_first_time_in_years/
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I come from a very large family, so the only time I really got attention as a kid was when I was sick. Being the attention whore I was, I started making myself sick. It used to never be about the food or weight or calories, but it definitely turned into that a few times in my early teens before I just stopped doing it (turned into a teen who didn't care about parent attention or looking good lol most teens look awful anyway #puberty).
I was trying so hard to do No Binge September, but I may have taking it too far... what would have been a small binge a week earlier--something I definitely would not have attempted to purge--turned into a mindless haze of brownies, ice cream, soda, pizza, cheese, chocolate, and more pizza.
I had read tips on purging in some post about a year ago, and still remember them all. All the food came up extremely easily. I'm scared at how easy it all was, and how good it felt to weigh the same as I did this morning right after purging. I don't want to go down this road, my life is already screwed up enough as it is.
I wish I didn't try to put myself under all this pressure, because transferring schools into a really hard major and then piling on homework and interviews on top of restriction and exercise... I think I've lost a lot of control right now. My throat hurts so badly, but I still feel sort of blank and hazy, like I could go for those leftover cookies and the burritos right now and just throw it up later. I'm not going to do it due to the shame I feel right now, but in an hour? I don't know.
I need to take a break from restriction, I know that. I've been doing it for so long now, I'll go crazy if I don't. But of course, so scared of gaining weight. I don't know what to do. I've been wanting to get help for a while, but my family is way too poor for me to afford therapy or something.
I just wish I was normal. I saw my roommate grab a cookie out of a pack yesterday and just eat it while talking to me, like it was the most natural thing in the world to not think about every calorie you put in your body. I want that. I want to never have to think about food. I hate myself for counting everything, and feel very weak when I do it. Something that isn't even alive has too much control over my life.
[Rant/Rave] Rant
/u/Khajiit_Trouble
Created: Wed Sep 19 23:19:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hck7h/rant/
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Im so pissed at my partner lately!!!
Something something, he's been gaslighting me so much, I just realized it today.
I feel so numb, I feel so worthless and stupid. I AM stupid. Hes said that many times in many different ways. Hes right.
Luckily all this misery is making me eat less. Food doesnt taste like anything, and I barely eat all day with ease.
I guess the only thing I can be good at and smart ablut is losing more weight right??
I want to just starve and die like the waste of air I am. Hopefully in nature somewhere so nature can consume whatever is left..
[Discussion] my mom said i “only need a little liposuction”
/u/fiascofiesta [5'7" | 131.4 | 20.51 | 23F]
Created: Wed Sep 19 23:01:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hcgg1/my_mom_said_i_only_need_a_little_liposuction/
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brb gonna kill myself lmao
good thing i threw up all the food she made me right
Can’t sleep and I just want to cry.
/u/thinwishes_ [5'7" | CW 135 lb | GW 125 lb | UGW 120 lb | F]
Created: Wed Sep 19 22:53:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hcesf/cant_sleep_and_i_just_want_to_cry/
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I started intermittent fasting and I’m probably consuming less calories than I should be and find that I’m getting dizzy and feel faint more. And I can’t sleep. Could IF cause me to have trouble sleeping? I’m also on 30mg vyvanse which is a low dose and never caused problems like this. Either I can’t fall asleep or I fall asleep and wake up at 3am and can’t go back to sleep. All day I was exhausted and felt like I was hit by a bus. Now it’s almost 1am and I’m wide awake. I just broke my fast with junk food. I’m going to not take my vyvanse tomorrow and see if that helps. I’m all out of benedryl to help me sleep :( I just want to sleep and be thin.
binged and now i'm having a breakdown
/u/lonelydazee
Created: Wed Sep 19 22:42:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hccm0/binged_and_now_im_having_a_breakdown/
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yesterday i ate around 1200 calories because i got high and i had been fasting for quite a few days. i felt like such shit after i ate so much and promised myself i would fast all day today.
then my family and brother began to keep insisting i eat and telling me i will get sick if i skip meals, no matter how many times i've told them i haven't been feeling well lately. my family is familiar with my ED so they get very defensive about this. this caused me to eat around 1000 more calories today.
i tried purging it but my gag is no where to be found. such a shitty night.
[Rant/Rave] My goal is so far away
/u/AnActualBagofLard [5’0|CW:136|HW:151|GW:85|FtM]
Created: Wed Sep 19 22:33:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hcamv/my_goal_is_so_far_away/
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(Tired and disappointed rant incoming honestly it probably won’t make any sense) It’s ridiculous. I want to hit 80 pounds so badly. Only 10 lower than I was in high school. But back then I wasn’t overweight beforehand. Getting that size was conceivable. A few fasts, skipping some meals, and I did it in weeks. Now, at 135lbs, losertown says it’ll take 6 months from now. I eat 500 calories a day but I’m going to drop it. 200 from now on. I’m not going to binge. No excuses. It’s still so far away regardless but I need it. I need it to spite my ex. I need it to maybe finally feel okay with myself. I need to put this disgustingly fat and lonely body behind me so maybe I can move on from him. Start over with a fresh, thin body. If only I was as fat now as I thought I was back then, I could do this in a month. Thanks for reading this trash. Stay safe everyone.
[Tip] Thank you ex, for crushing my heart, because I haven't eaten for an entire day. (Does anyone have tips for staying in restriction mode?)
/u/Sushisavage
Created: Wed Sep 19 22:32:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hcae3/thank_you_ex_for_crushing_my_heart_because_i/
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Hello, hunger. I've missed you. :-)
Fasting and bad breath?
/u/fish110 [5'3.5"|CW122|GW110|F]
Created: Wed Sep 19 22:22:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hc87n/fasting_and_bad_breath/
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Does anyone know how to get rid of bad breath when fasting without gum or mints? If I don't eat for a while, my breath reeks, but I don't like gum or mints. Maybe put cucumbers/lemons in water? Or drink tea? What do you guys do?
[Other] Letter to my bf
/u/dreamedotcom
Created: Wed Sep 19 22:19:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hc7jh/letter_to_my_bf/
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When we met last year I was 75 kg. Now I am 57. I kept losing weight. I wanted to to tell me to stop. You knew about my ed and you really didn’t care about my health. One time I came over and you told me I was tiny. I wish you had told me more often that I was beautiful. That my health was more important. That you loved me and didn’t want me to lose any more weight.
Yes I am insecure. I feel fat all of the time. So I allowed you to treat me without respect. You have been mean to me. Inconsistent with how you treat me. Stood me up. Told me I’m fat when we were fighting.
I’m emotionally drained. It’s only one day and I miss you already. I just want some comfort, to feel loved. I can’t stop thinking about you and I hope I have the strength to stand by my decision.
I said I was unhappy and I was willing to try for another month if things in our relationship would change. You said you weren’t willing to change a single thing.
I love you I miss you. I’m all alone now. Restricting has never felt so easy.
Not losing inches from my waist
/u/Coldcoffeepls
Created: Wed Sep 19 22:18:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hc7cm/not_losing_inches_from_my_waist/
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okay so basically this is a rant. I’m honestly so annoyed because even though I’ve lost nearly 8 pounds I haven’t lost any inches from my waist. I’ve maintained around 27-28 inches, and it just makes me feel like shit because even though the scale is going down my body looks the same. I’m so sad because I can’t see any changes and my tape measurer confirms that I’m still the same size
[Rant/Rave] incoherent vent post
/u/maskedcam
Created: Wed Sep 19 22:14:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hc6e6/incoherent_vent_post/
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i just need to get this out somewhere
​
i feel so incredibly selfish. my longterm girlfriend is trans, and she's starting HRT soon, which obviously i'm super happy about. the thing is, over the last year or so, that's all we ever talk about. she rarely takes an interest in my day or how i'm doing, she doesn't really ask me on dates or suggest activities anymore.
​
i feel so fucking sick and manipulative but all i can think these days is *maybe if i get small enough, sick enough, she'll care about me again* and i know that's wrong and i'm a horrible person for twisting what should be a beautiful thing into something so ugly and fuck goddammit all to hell i just feel so lonely
How can I maintain my cognitive function while restricting?
/u/FreshOpportunity [5'1 | GW 105 |CW 110 | HW 145| F]
Created: Wed Sep 19 21:55:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hc21g/how_can_i_maintain_my_cognitive_function_while/
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People always recommend eating maintenance calories, but are there specific macro/micronutrients that I could take instead? Omega 3's? Caffeine? What do y'all do?
[Discussion] Anyone that’s been anorexic/bulimic for a long time what brings you back to the beginning of your eating disorder
/u/gothicapples
Created: Wed Sep 19 21:49:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hc0os/anyone_thats_been_anorexicbulimic_for_a_long_time/
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I was in the store today buying tea and I came across a tea I haven’t seen since the beginning of my anorexia it is a mint tea and I smelled it all the memories of my ED just flooded back
I remember the early pro Ana sites,drinking so much mint tea I would get sick along with all the rituals that slowly went away to be replaced with more permanent ones that are more self destructive (mainly I became a better Ana if you will)
What smell or whatever brings you back to the early days?
What is the longest period of time you've consistently restricted for?
/u/thrownawaykalbi [5'7"|CW 92.6|BMI 14.4|SW 108lbs|21F|🍑yuzukalbi🍑]
Created: Wed Sep 19 21:45:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hbzq1/what_is_the_longest_period_of_time_youve/
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Just wondering.
Sometimes I feel a little exhilarated over how good I am at this. I feel in control. It gives me a power rush.
I feel like I could do this forever and it makes me smile, yet at the same time I want to cry because living like this is absolute hell and I hate it.
Also cause according to Libra's trend prediction I'd be dead in less than 6 months if I kept losing at this rate.
So... is this super unsustainable, and am I bound to break at some point and start eating again?
What's the longest you've gone before breaking and either binging back to a higher weight or recovering?
Actual good day of clothes shopping...
/u/Squirrella [5ft | CW 155| GW 100| 39 F]
Created: Wed Sep 19 21:31:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hbwcy/actual_good_day_of_clothes_shopping/
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I've been slowly purging my closet of anything with an L or an XL on it, even though I know the sizing is bullshit. All those clothes are going into bags onto the back porch, hopefully to never be worn again. Everything I tried on today fit fine, so I am a solid M. Still appallingly fat, but I've been exercising like crazy and restricting and slowly the results are coming. :')
DAE feel physical pain in their throat when drinking/eating after a fast?
/u/rejected_desk_puppy
Created: Wed Sep 19 21:30:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hbw1s/dae_feel_physical_pain_in_their_throat_when/
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Especially carbonated beverages I can feel them go down my throat and into my stomach like it’s a freaking baseball of pain. Anyone else? I don’t purge (for years now) just restrict and it’s freaking liquid so it’s not too big of a bite or anything... it’s like my throat closes.
[Discussion] anyone else put in how many calories they ate into losertown after a binge to make sure they didn't totally fuck up their progress?
/u/DavidMitchellTurtle [5'8" | M/18 | CW 193lbs | UGW 115 | BMI 29.8 | Lost 70]
Created: Wed Sep 19 21:30:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hbw1b/anyone_else_put_in_how_many_calories_they_ate/
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its a long article, but def worth a read if you're a plus size ed sufferer
/u/emmzizleez888
Created: Wed Sep 19 20:52:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hbn6j/its_a_long_article_but_def_worth_a_read_if_youre/
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https://highline.huffingtonpost.com/articles/en/everything-you-know-about-obesity-is-wrong/
Coffee........
/u/lift098
Created: Wed Sep 19 20:26:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hbgub/coffee/
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Anyone else here chugging coffee all day to decrease appetite? I have coffee with vanilla taste (0 calories) and i love it so much
[Rant/Rave] I just want to disappear
/u/Ohshitaghost
Created: Wed Sep 19 20:25:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hbgib/i_just_want_to_disappear/
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I’m tired of feeling like a fucking fat ass. I hate every part of my body. I hate feeling alone and I also don’t want anyone near me. Caught in limbo as always.
Lets talk stimulants- how much and when?
/u/DiminishIntoTheWest
Created: Wed Sep 19 20:22:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hbfva/lets_talk_stimulants_how_much_and_when/
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Hey guys,
I’ve been feeling a bit paranoid about by caffeine intake lately. Wondering if we could all share a bit of a journal of an average day of caffeine and other stimulants with roughly when and how you are getting them?
I suck at formatting, but maybe something like this:
5am: oxyshred (150 mg caffeine)
1130am: tea (25-90 mg caffeine)
3pm: monster zero ultra 250ml (80 mg caffeine)
6pm: tea (25-90 mg caffeine)
Daily total: 280mg +
Of course I binged the night before I’m leaving for a weekend vacation. Tips on de-bloating??
/u/swj_289
Created: Wed Sep 19 20:16:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hbef0/of_course_i_binged_the_night_before_im_leaving/
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I hate myself haaaa but what the fuck is new
I’m planning on fasting tomorrow, but what are the best ways to de-bloat by Friday??
I’m actually supposed to meet up with a guy in the city Friday night but we’ll see if I don’t look like a whale
How do you guys handle people who judge you for eating a certain way?
/u/strawstring [5'10 | CW 155 | GW 140 | 21F]
Created: Wed Sep 19 20:13:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hbdeu/how_do_you_guys_handle_people_who_judge_you_for/
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I'm already freaking out a little for thanksgiving and the holidays, when I'll have to explain why I don't eat this, or I do eat that, or blah blah blah to family who think I'm just being too picky or rude or just think it's insane and pretentious to not want to eat bread rolls and burgers. This isn't even about eating too little (that's a separate issue) but rather *what* I eat (no meat, no processed foods mainly).
Anyone have any tips/stories/thoughts? I don't want to come off as a stuck-up "I will only eat all this expensive whole foods vegan bs" (which I think is what they think, and that's entirely not true).
Bad breath
/u/depression_butterfly
Created: Wed Sep 19 20:10:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hbcts/bad_breath/
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Hey! So I've gotten into restricting again recently after a couple years of being 'recovered' AKA BED. I don't remember this sort of bad breath I'm talking about, its like metallic and even if I eat it comes back within 30 minutes. I'm thinking it might be the diet soda? Thats completely new to me in terms of being a staple for restricting. I've also been using ephedrine (bronkaid) and caffeine. I don't know what the source is but its a very pesky problem to have when I'm around people all the time and also it just is gross for me. What is it/what do i do
Anyone else live off of starkist tuna packets?? They’re so low calorie and 13 to 15g of protein each and sooo yummy.
/u/Chimom121
Created: Wed Sep 19 19:50:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hb7kj/anyone_else_live_off_of_starkist_tuna_packets/
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https://i.redd.it/4scrzk2euan11.jpg
The Bingeing/Restricting Cycle
/u/ProseBeforeHoes1
Created: Wed Sep 19 19:48:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hb73m/the_bingeingrestricting_cycle/
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When I’m in the middle of restricting or fasting, I wonder how I ever binged... it feels SO good to be in control, to not feel inflamed and sick.
When I’m in the middle of a binge, I wonder how I ever restricted/fasted. How was I not starving ?! Food is so good who cares how it makes me feel ! Feeling bloated and nauseous isn’t so bad as long as I can eat X or Y !
i truly forget what it’s like on the other side of the cycle and it always shocks me because it wasn’t that long ago that I was on the other side. The perfect place in the middle and away from either extreme always seems out of reach.
[Discussion] Just Ana things
/u/CoffeeAndArt
Created: Wed Sep 19 19:45:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hb6dh/just_ana_things/
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Getting elated when at work someone says I've lost weight! Then being even happier when you let it slip that you haven't eaten all day and they're all impressed that you managed to get through half a day on empty, and commenting on how little you eat! Was gonna have a whole bowl of konjac rice and Ashoka brand curry (168) cals, but now I'm only gonna eat half because im loving this feeling too much!
[Rant/Rave] happy yom kippur everybody!
/u/110_percent_bot [5'5" | CW: 145ish? | LW: 120 | GW: 110 | I hate my body 😎 ]
Created: Wed Sep 19 19:30:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hb2ol/happy_yom_kippur_everybody/
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Traditionally, you fast to celebrate. I fasted today. Except I'm not jewish. Just have an ED. Hahahahahahahaha why am I like this :)))
[Rant/Rave] My roommate called me thin as an insult
/u/Yoni1660
Created: Wed Sep 19 19:29:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hb2e5/my_roommate_called_me_thin_as_an_insult/
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My roommate is complaining about me loudly to her friend because she’s getting evicted because she does a bunch of crazy stuff. Anyway, she was talking about when she hit me in the face with a whiteboard and how I should have caught it. Lmao...? She said she could crush me because I’m thin and fragile lmao! I’m so weirdly happy rn.
[Rant/Rave] Idk what the hell is wrong with me
/u/coffee_and_vape [5'2'' | CW: 138 :c | GW: 111| -73.2 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 19 19:19:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hazud/idk_what_the_hell_is_wrong_with_me/
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Rant; I have to finish typing this before my bf gets home, but I’m drinking the last 5oz of white wine I had in the fridge because I’m so upset with myself.
I have celiac, so I get excited when I find goodies I can have without getting sick. I found these peanut/chocolate bars that I really shouldn’t have bought because it’s just pure carbs and one is 240cal and the other is 360 for the whole damn thing (it’s like a small oat bar).
Everything went downhill today when I brought them with me to work. I usually just drink black coffee and don’t eat until I get home, but I was an idiot and had those damn bars plus a small chocolate bar in the span of five minutes. I was so hungry by the time I got home I devoured Brie, crackers, three chicken egg rolls, two more chocolate bars, and now my last glass of wine.
I goddamn hate it because I was finally making progress toward the 120’s and probably just fucked up a week of work. I want to stay sub 1000cal but that went out the window today. >:( Ugh! So mad at myself.
[Rant/Rave] too tiny for boyfriend
/u/hairbrushes
Created: Wed Sep 19 19:06:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hawkn/too_tiny_for_boyfriend/
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(this is kinda nsfw i think)
ohmygod i’m sky high right now. i’ve recently relapsed so hard and finally the weight is coming off and tonight (this might be weird idk) i was fooling around with my boyfriend and he was trying to like.... feel me up and cup my boobs and grab them but they are so so so small now he like couldn’t he just kept grabbing my bones essentially like when i lay down they are almost completely flat and just ohMYGDODJDID this is such a weird fucking thing im sorry but just knowing i’m getting too small for him to even hold is... amazing
[Rant/Rave] i’m so gross!!!! kool!!!!!
/u/poppybasket [5’11 | 134 | 19 | 17F]
Created: Wed Sep 19 18:56:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hatyc/im_so_gross_kool/
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the tiny period of time in a day where i feel like “hm i’m pretty dizzy and confused i should eat” ruins my whole day!!!! because then i’ve ruined a perfectly good day to fast i’ve ruined my body i’ve pushed back the date i could’ve reached my gw even further and it just invites more suicidal thoughts and self hatred than i would’ve been stuck with anyway! and i always feel shittier in every way possible after but i still have zero fucking control over the only thing in my life that is completely up to me!
the scale says i’ve lost significant weight in the past monthish but i swear to god my torso and legs are fatter than ever and i want to die so fucking bad! i constantly compare myself to everyone, including literal children (“wow she’s so skinny i’m so gross fuck” she’s thin because she’s like 10 dumbass!)
and after all this!!!!! after spending ungodly amounts of money on zero calorie drinks, eating ice with lemon juice for dinner, long walks, and, worst of all, abusing lax, the weak days where i let myself lose control ruin it all!!!!!! and so i stay where i am, miserable, fat, and disgusting!!
kool!
I gained weight and feel disgusting.
/u/existentialcrisiskid
Created: Wed Sep 19 18:51:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hasmm/i_gained_weight_and_feel_disgusting/
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Since school started I've been binging so much. I'm 95 pounds now (I'm 5 foot) and I feel so fat and gross and ugly. I'm starting to give up, like I'll never get to my goal weight but at the same time I refuse to gain anymore weight. It's a weird conflict. Can anyone relate or have advice?
[Rant/Rave] Starvation Rage
/u/coolmistmama
Created: Wed Sep 19 18:48:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9harvt/starvation_rage/
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Give me a quick sec here:
I JUST WANT TO FUCKING SCREAM AND RAGE AND HIT SOMETHING REALLY FUCKING HARD RIGHT NOW. IT FEELS AMAZING TO SCREAM EVEN LIKE THIS.
I FUCKING HATE EVERYBODY WHO IS TRYING TK HELP ME AND BE THERE FOR ME BECAUSE HEY ARE TRYING TO HELP ME AND BE THERE FOR ME.
AND I JUST WANT TO PUSH THEM AWAY BUT I WILL BE FUCKING LIVID IF THEY GO AWAY. WHY CANT PEOPLE FIX ME AND WHY CANT I FOX MYSELF AND I AM SO FUCKING HUNGRY RN.
I CANMOT CONTROL THIS FUCKING RAGE AND IM MISERABLE BUT THANK FUCKING GOD MY THIGHS DONT TOUCH RIGHT?!
/end rant
[Discussion] today my mother
/u/klfet
Created: Wed Sep 19 18:46:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hard0/today_my_mother/
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was waking by me. she stopped dead in her tracks to tell me “wow you really look pregnant”
we do not live together but happen to work in the same building. she literally told me in front of all of my colleagues during the middle of the day...
nothing quite like an insult from your mother to put you in a spin
Anyone else lose a LOT and have extreme body dismorphia?
/u/dallasdreamer
Created: Wed Sep 19 18:46:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9har3s/anyone_else_lose_a_lot_and_have_extreme_body/
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I've lost 110 lbs. About 80 of it has been from restricting. I used to be very obese, my bmi was 48. Now it's 26.9. I look very different but I feel the same.
I've become socially retarded. When I was big, I was awkward, but I was funny and social and could talk to almost anyone. Now I literally get hit on just about once a day, but I can't even hold a conversation with someone I don't know. I've become unbearably shy. I've been told I'm above average and definately thin, But I don't feel like it. At all. I feel like someone has put these strangers up to complimenting me. Seriously. Someone trying to talk to me in public makes me shut down, start stuttering, turn red... It's fucking awful.
Has anyone else gone from obese to normal and not processed it right? It's really fucked me up, and it was supposed to be the best thing that ever happened to me... but I'm a fucking wreck.
A slight distinction
/u/strangerrrdangerrr
Created: Wed Sep 19 18:31:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9han7i/a_slight_distinction/
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guys should I eat a half a pizza or pickles for dinner tn hmm
He said I can’t be more than 124 pounds
/u/jellybellynashville
Created: Wed Sep 19 18:26:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ham0m/he_said_i_cant_be_more_than_124_pounds/
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Hey everyone I’m back after deleting my old account... haven’t been counting calories or anything since FEBRUARY! Go me! I’ve been maintaining around 115 (5’6) and I wasn’t totally unhappy with it until this:
I got a new desk job recently with a huge store inside the office filled with junk food. I was jokingly telling this guy that I’ve been on and off with for about a year about all the candy and ice cream we have at work. He said something about “packing on the pounds” with my new desk job and all. I tried to brush it off by saying that I weighed 114 that morning, and he was like “as long as you never get to 124.” My facial expression probably showed how much that comment affected me, and he was all “omg I’m jokinggggg.” But he SO wasn’t joking.
I met this guy last year when I was around 105 lbs and he loved how thin I was. I started being happy and eating more, but it seems like he really loved me being so thin. When we first met I would never eat in front of him and he never batted an eye. I even admitted a few months into dating that I was taking shit tons of bronkaid so that I didn’t feel hungry... and he didn’t really care.
I can’t believe I’m back doing this again. I’ve eaten one serving of that “healthy low cal” popcorn and a 6” sub from subway with only vegetables and hot sauce since Monday.... but heyyyyy it’s working!
Y’all... I absolutely hate myself. I will never be good enough.
[Rant/Rave] A pro and a con: Initial weight loss always in stomach area....
/u/thyme1999
Created: Wed Sep 19 18:24:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9halkz/a_pro_and_a_con_initial_weight_loss_always_in/
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Don’t get me wrong, I love that when I restrict I lose weight first in my stomach/ waist, then in the rest of my body, but it sucks for a few reasons...
That’s ALSO the first place I gain when I eat normally for a while, making me look like an apple.
Also, when I get it down to a pretty hourglass snatched waist, it’s like I have to wear form fitting things everyday or else I still look just as fat as before because of my arms and legs. It also makes me feel like I can never slip up when restricting because even the slightest bloating just throws it all off.
Anyone else?
[Rant/Rave] Wanting to tell people, but not being ready to change...
/u/Invisiblimp
Created: Wed Sep 19 18:12:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hai77/wanting_to_tell_people_but_not_being_ready_to/
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I'm struggling hard here because I desperately want to tell the truth all the time. I want everyone to know what I'm doing and to just be honest about it. It's not quite that I want attention exactly, it's just that it's an additional painful stress to not be able to say "whoops sorry I'm an asshole/crazy/erratic person today, but I haven't topped 300 calories in a week."
BUT I am in no way ready or willing to recover. I want nothing to do with being healthy right now. I have too far to go, and it's already going to take WAY TOO LONG to get there, and the last thing I need is someone guilt tripping me into eating.
Lots of thanks to you lovely people here for letting me rant all the time and just say what's really up. Nice not to hide in the shadows sometimes.
[Rant/Rave] Broke a 24 hr fast with alcohol
/u/ImmediateAlien [5'3 | CW: 109 lbs | GW 99 lbs | BMI: 19.7 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 19 18:08:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hah84/broke_a_24_hr_fast_with_alcohol/
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It all began with the fucking ATM swallowed my card. Had to go buy a ton of food for this party I’m hosting on Friday, and now I have no money or card until they send another card, which takes 48 hrs. FML. Was going to cook my guests a bunch of stuff and not eat any of it of course. Now I feel so frustrated I broke my fast with alcohol, and want to either swallow everything in my fridge or not eat for a week.
Hiding Fasts From Fanily
/u/Personal102 [17M | GW:130 | H: 6'0"| CW:160 | ]
Created: Wed Sep 19 18:05:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9hagfn/hiding_fasts_from_fanily/
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Anyone have tips on how to hide a fast from my family? I don't want them worrying about me or getting ideas about my disordered eating (they probably already know). Is there even a way to hide not eating? Its easy to skip breakfast and lunch because I just wake up late or go straight to school from the gym. Lunch is really easy to skip too as I can just go into a bathroom stall or library. Dinner is very hard to skip, even though I eat alone most of the time. Any other tips on fasting for extended periods of time would be greatly appreciated.
The book 1984 gave me an idea
/u/coffeeismyhomeboy-
Created: Wed Sep 19 17:48:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9habzd/the_book_1984_gave_me_an_idea/
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I call my morning and evening perusal of my weight loss subs “the daily hate”, and it helps to make me feel more confident in my choices to heavily restrict. I know it’s super weird, but it’s a decent coping mechanism... haha kill me
I fcked up really badly today and completely spiralled into a bad binge. Will be fasting the next 2 days 😔
/u/estoniark
Created: Wed Sep 19 17:34:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ha8dt/i_fcked_up_really_badly_today_and_completely/
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https://i.redd.it/a2ljrmp86an11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] Cheat day
/u/Yoni1660
Created: Wed Sep 19 17:32:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ha7qr/cheat_day/
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Today is my cheat day and the day I’m supposed to reward myself with a 250 cal hamburger from McDonald’s for losing 10 pounds and I can’t bring myself to eat anymore. I ate less than 300 calories today. Anyone else have trouble with binge days?
[Rant/Rave] health class incident
/u/AeronauticalSalad
Created: Wed Sep 19 17:27:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ha6ee/health_class_incident/
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Teacher smugly calls me out for drinking diet coke, it’s bad for your metabolism and makes you fat.
I tell him my metabolism is already fucked from developing an eating disorder is 4th grade and drinking diet coke is literally the least of my health issues right now (I’m going through chemo, sucks ass but I’m losing weight like a motherfucker).
[Help] I have no sex drive and it’s ruining my relationship
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | CW: 114 | GW:105 | UGW 100 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 19 17:18:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ha470/i_have_no_sex_drive_and_its_ruining_my/
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I hate my body and I don’t have enough energy to maintain a sex drive. My bf is starting to notice and it’s hurting the relationship. I don’t know what to do.
[Discussion] What’s your favorite low cal food to put hot sauce on?
/u/cntrxpy
Created: Wed Sep 19 17:15:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ha36k/whats_your_favorite_low_cal_food_to_put_hot_sauce/
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Mine is hot sauce in chicken broth
y’all black coffee drinkers are tough as nails
/u/BEDBulimic [153cm | CW: 55.8 | GW1: 55 | -8.2 | 20F]
Created: Wed Sep 19 17:10:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ha1tv/yall_black_coffee_drinkers_are_tough_as_nails/
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tried my first ever long black and it tastes like HOT LIQUID BIN JUICE and even sweeteners aren’t helping 😷😷😷
when swimsuit season hits late
/u/serketcircuit [5'6" | CW: Landwhale | They/Them]
Created: Wed Sep 19 17:08:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ha1fp/when_swimsuit_season_hits_late/
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usually im able to avoid the whole beach body bullshit since my family never goes to the beach or the pool or literally anywhere during the summer, so havent had to buy a swimsuit in years
this year though were going to california for my birthday in a couple weeks and i had to get something
so i order one i like thats on clearance and of course when i get my non refundable purchase the damn thing just :) barely :) doesnt :) fit :)
so i guess im just not eating until the trip
Just Binged
/u/Personal102 [17M | GW:130 | H: 6'0"| CW:160 | ]
Created: Wed Sep 19 17:08:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ha1be/just_binged/
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Just ate 18 fig bars and feel like shit now. Gonna go on a 72 hour fast and exercise 2 hours each day to mitigate the calories from the binge. Wish me luck. Hope I don't binge again.
[Discussion] anyone else let themselves eat only gross foods?
/u/AeronauticalSalad
Created: Wed Sep 19 16:58:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h9yii/anyone_else_let_themselves_eat_only_gross_foods/
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for example, today i only let myself eat dates. so if i got light headed i would eat one but then i’d feel nauseous and wouldn’t want anymore.
First time using a hoodie since last year, and it looks SO different now!
/u/Rotten_Muffin [5"3 | 104 lbs | 18.9 | LW: 30 lbs | 20F | Relapsed]
Created: Wed Sep 19 16:51:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h9wrg/first_time_using_a_hoodie_since_last_year_and_it/
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So I have this special hoodie of mine that I like a lot. It's purple, long and comfy. Anyway, I bought it last year because even though it's XS, it's bigger than normal and back then it fit me quite tightly so it made me look thinner and slimmer.
But the summer came around and I stopped using it, until today. It rained a lot yesterday so it was chilly, so I put it on.
I look SO MUCH BETTER. I swear. Since last year I lost like 30 lbs, and now I look so much different in that hoodie. Even though it now fits me big, I look super thin and cute. Almost like an anime girl. It hides my shoulders and my arms, which are the parts I'm most self conscious about, I swear my arms look like tiny twigs, I love it. And because it's so long as well, it goes down to my legs and makes my thigh gap super obvious. Not not mention it's also comfy and on my favorite color.
Do you like hoodies as well? I love winter fashion, I can either go with oversized stuff that make me look tiny and cute, or tight jackets that help me shape my figure. I have a lot more control over winter clothes than in summer clothes, because summer clothes are usually all about showing skin.
Cream of Potato Soup
/u/Kitkat9229
Created: Wed Sep 19 16:37:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h9t3y/cream_of_potato_soup/
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On mobile, please tag rant/rave.
I just wanted to share a little recovery victory that I had yesterday. So over the past few weeks I've been trying my best to eat intuitively and it's been going surprisingly well (this time around.) I have been seeing a therapist and dietician for some time so this definitley wasn't an overnight change. Yesterday I was getting some lunch and I really wanted soup. In the past I'd only allowed myself to eat either chicken noodle soup or ministrone because they are the lowest calorie options offered. But yesterday was different. Yesterday they had "loaded great of potato soup" and I actually got a bowl of it. It was fucking delicious and brought back so many happy memories from childhood. It's my favorite soup and I probably haven't had it in at least 5 years. It was such a small thing but it made me remember how much I used to enjoy certain foods and how much I've missed that feeling. I'm not sure what switched finally flipped in my brain but I just wanted to share a happy little recovery story. I hope everyone is having a nice Wednesday. :)
[Other] Binging and purging is the only thing that brings me happiness anymore
/u/orthoreXXX [23F | 5’4” | cw 112 | gw 105 | bmi 19.6]
Created: Wed Sep 19 16:37:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h9syt/binging_and_purging_is_the_only_thing_that_brings/
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Just slept with my ex fiancé (who I’m still completely in love with) who’s moving across the country next month and currently trying to dry my eyes enough to order 4 large fries from chick fil a thank god it’s not Sunday
[Rant/Rave] “Do you eat? I haven’t seen you eat since you started working here!” (Rave)
/u/ArkhamBrothers [5’1 👻 CW:118 👻 GW:90 👻 F]
Created: Wed Sep 19 16:35:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h9sb9/do_you_eat_i_havent_seen_you_eat_since_you/
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Honestly why did this make me so happy?
I mean, I eat my 60-140 calorie soup almost daily in the break room but my disordered head heard “I never see you eat, you look so thin!” Made my terrible day 100x better!!
[Help] Calcium supplement reccommendations? And any more information on osteoporosis?
/u/HungryThrowMeAway [🌹4'11 | CW 91-90 lbs | GW 85 lbs | -35 lbs | F🌹]
Created: Wed Sep 19 16:29:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h9qtb/calcium_supplement_reccommendations_and_any_more/
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Hello to you all, it is your friendly neighbor Coke addict here with some questions.
​
What is the best calcium supplement? I take a multivitamin, but today I realized it only has 175 mg calcium, and only 125 mg of it are from the more effective type of the b o n e b o o s t i n g j u i c e. RIP me. Well, since I don't want to RIP 6 feet under (or Rest In Pieces, which is what will probably be happening if I don't get some of that spoopy skeleton mineral inside my meat suit anytime soon), I should probably pick up a calcium supplement. So, anyone here willing to help an unfortunate skeleton in need and give some recommendations, would be very much appreciated.
​
Aaaand before I go off to do some more Coke (Zero), I have one more question.
What is the prognosis and life expectancy for a young person with osteoporosis? Can you live a normal-ish life span, or are you going to die at like 30 if you have it early in life? Will starting up on my birth control pills and getting my period back make me less likely to get it, or more likely? (I've heard conflicting information) Andcansomebodypleasesendcatsivebeenhavingapanicattackaboutthisalldayandneedfluffybois.
​
Well, back to guard my Coke stash! Thank you for reading my questions!
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Fake anorexic.
/u/Lunnaris [5’ | CW: 110’2 | UGW: 99’2 | 25F]
Created: Wed Sep 19 16:15:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h9mum/fake_anorexic/
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I feel like shit. I ate “healthy” during this weekend bc I was attending an Arctic Monkeys show and I didn’t want to faint. So I’m cured, right? That’s what I think. If sí manage to eat and not check calories for two days, I must be a fraud.
I got like 3hrs early to the airport. I promised myself that I was going to only have black coffee for the whole day to compensate. Well, every single food at the lobby was marked with its calories. I was hungry af but the lowest cal thing I found was 350kcal. That’s way too much! I can’t eat that many calories. Cue to mental breakdown while I sip on another coffee.
Got home yadda yadda. That was on Monday. Only coffee (decaf) as I promised. All well and good until yesterday I binged on one and a half huge bags of crisps. And a jar of PB. Cried myself to sleep because of that. But I ate so I’m cured right?
Today I woke up at 7pm. Finished the bag of crisps. More crying. I’m back to 50kg and I hate myself.
Planning on a three day fast on coffee.
But I still feel cured. I am a fake anorexic.
Everyday
/u/manzaneg
Created: Wed Sep 19 15:53:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h9go5/everyday/
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https://i.redd.it/7zj0yfd3l5n11.png
[Rant/Rave] i’m happy????
/u/smolbeanbaby [5'2 | 132 | 24.1 | 34 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 19 15:49:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h9fp2/im_happy/
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i reconnected with a guy that i had gotten really close to and then distanced myself because i felt like i hurt him. we’re going to the arcade today and we fell asleep on the phone last night and then called this morning. he makes me feel pretty?? like he calls me beautiful and means it and said my eyebrows look nice and i’m like omg marry me. and we were joking around and he’s like “you’re like family to me” and i’m like “woah woah woah”(we kind of have/had a thing) and he’s like “well duh you’re my future wife” and i started blushing so much? and then he’s like “i’m just kidding calm down” and i’m like omg i’m literally a tomato rn. idk i’m really happy
[Other] I just binged on an entire bottle of mustard lmfao
/u/skeletonsofawhale [5'2 | 138 🐳 | -47 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 19 15:49:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h9fk5/i_just_binged_on_an_entire_bottle_of_mustard_lmfao/
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My relationship with mustard is weird. Like, it's technically a safe food because it's 0 calorie (doubt it btw, it has to have some cals, which makes me feel worse, depending on how dense it is I may have actually had 100 cals worth of mustard, which is stressin me out as a low restrictor) but I can't just have 1 tbsp. I have to have the whole thing.
But it's also suuuch a good appetite suppresser as well. Like better than coffee imo. Although pickle juice/vinegary foods as a whole are like that. IDK how to feel rn.
My stomach hurts and I feel like this is my 2nd lowest point in my ED right next to that one time where I spent 3 hours straight c/sing 3500 cals worth of food while crying.
[Discussion] do you eat foods you actively dislike?
/u/percussivesilence
Created: Wed Sep 19 15:44:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h9e22/do_you_eat_foods_you_actively_dislike/
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all my safe foods/foods i can keep in the house without eating immediately are foods or flavors i don’t like. for example, i have a microwave pot of couscous in my cupboard. i fucking hate couscous. it reminds me of my stepmom so it’s not even surface level. i figure is have to be really actually hungry to eat it. same thing with peanuts, lemon yogurt, any beef frozen meal.
[Rant/Rave] Made Cookies last night and didn't binge... but ate more this morning
/u/NeutralSmithHotel [6'1.4 | CW: 179 | BMI: 23.4 | Weight Lost: -191| M]
Created: Wed Sep 19 15:35:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h9bh3/made_cookies_last_night_and_didnt_binge_but_ate/
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I'm supposed to be upping my calories... but it's so god damned scary. I was too brave, too early. Making my favorite cookies and thinking that would be ok. \*sigh\*. It was just a mini binge... but My weight on the scale is so high... I know its mostly just the carbs and water now... but fuck.
I want to do an extended fast but..
/u/CaloriesInCaloriesIn [160cm| 61.8kg | 24 | -11kg | F]
Created: Wed Sep 19 15:14:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h9549/i_want_to_do_an_extended_fast_but/
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I don't know if I should tell my partner or not. He's not super aware of my disordered eating. He knows I want to lose weight and that I have issues with binge eating but that's about it. Should I tell him I'm planning on fasting for several days so he won't question me when I don't eat but risk him trying to talk me out of it or discovering I'm more disordered than he thinks or should I not tell him and just try to convince him that I'm still eating? Bearing in mind sometimes we spent the entire day (or couple of days) together so it would not be easy to say "oh I ate earlier" or whatever.
[Rant/Rave] Fell back into this hell hole a few days ago and just had a massive binge.
/u/Rickety-Ricked
Created: Wed Sep 19 15:11:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h94ev/fell_back_into_this_hell_hole_a_few_days_ago_and/
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So I sort of relapsed a few days ago. School is super triggering for me because i see people thinner than me and that makes me feel sad and inadequate.
Was clean and had been eating without thinking about claories for about 3 months and now im back to square one. Downloaded the loseit app and have been logging everything, today i ate 200 calories up to 9pm and for some sick, twisted reason felt really good (but hungry) becuase for some reason my messed up brain has equated hunger to self confidence. Then I ended up binging on an idian takeout my family got. The damn dish is literally called BUTTER chicken AHHHH. I feel so awful and ive never ever considered purging before but oh god it was probably 1000-1500 calories and its tempting to just get rid of it all...
[Rant/Rave] im always sick
/u/harperNovaStrom
Created: Wed Sep 19 15:08:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h93a9/im_always_sick/
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ed has fucked up my immune system so much
i never heal
im always getting sick
Anybody fasting for Yom Kippur today
/u/nadaste
Created: Wed Sep 19 14:57:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h9003/anybody_fasting_for_yom_kippur_today/
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How’s it going?
[Discussion] Is there a certain point at which low weight / BMI becomes inherently dangerous?
/u/lemonbasilthyme [5'3" | 93.4 lbs | 16.5 BMI | GW: 89 lbs | 29F]
Created: Wed Sep 19 14:56:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h8ztr/is_there_a_certain_point_at_which_low_weight_bmi/
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**TL;DR: Does anyone have opinions or experience on what makes a low weight dangerous?** Is it mostly related to factors like stress on the body through extreme restriction, or is underweight just bad in and of itself regardless of how you get there? And then, assuming nutrition is good and weight loss hasn't happened too rapidly, at what point does being underweight actually start to produce health risks in and of itself?
Reason why I'm asking: Since late April, I've dropped from 112.8 lbs to 93.4 (that's a BMI of 20 to 16.5 in five months). It's been very gradual and I don't feel terrible, just maybe more severely fatigued and moody than usual.
I'm mostly worried because I run alone a few times a week and I don't want to have a surprise heart attack or something when I'm six miles down a forest trail. I know the answer will be "talk to your doctor," but... I don't have any bad symptoms and I feel foolish because I actually do have health anxiety and other chronic health issues that are more important. It's embarrassing that I fear the worst-case scenario when I'm sure that's laughable since I'm in such good health.
Things in my favor:
* I feel well-nourished: eating a whole food plant-based diet (think "clean eating") with some restrictions due to allergies/intolerance/preference... can't eat nuts or seeds, don't eat meat or dairy, no soy, etc. I'm averaging 1330 kcal per day!
* I feel decently fit: been running regularly for 5 months now, typically 15-16 miles per week with occasional long runs up to 8 or 9 miles. I'm in good cardiovascular shape.
* No warning signs: dramatic symptoms like massive hair loss, fainting, and patulous Eustachian tube were all things that happened previously, but not this time around.
Things not in my favor:
* Lack of period for two months
* Low white blood cell counts
* Low resting heart rate... sometimes 39, but usually 42-45 when I'm lying down
Soooo... I know everyone is different and I apologize if this type of question has been discussed a million times already. I guess I'm just overly worried about exercising at a low weight and possibly being caught off guard by heart risks that I'm not aware of?
Craving pizza right now
/u/guardianangel33
Created: Wed Sep 19 14:46:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h8wov/craving_pizza_right_now/
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I am wanting to binge on a pizza right now my craving are so beyond right now.
[Rant/Rave] Here we go again
/u/psychedelicpeach [5'5.5'' | 23.5 | CW:144 | GW:125]
Created: Wed Sep 19 14:44:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h8w51/here_we_go_again/
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I was making great steps towards recovery! Meditating instead of purging, bingeing on healthy foods, and just mentally doing better than usual. My boyfriend broke up with me today because he “still has feelings for his ex and is so so sorry”. Now I’m eating muffin mix batter with a spoon....
Side note: homecoming dance is this Saturday so I’m super torn between eating my feelings or starving :/ guys I’m fucked up
[Discussion] DAE get...well...turned on? by? restricting?
/u/Internal-Panic
Created: Wed Sep 19 14:24:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h8pun/dae_getwellturned_on_by_restricting/
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Alright, this one is a weird one folks. Whenever I'm restricting, I get the usual high, but I also find myself feeling quite a bit more randy than usual. My boy appreciates it at least. I guess it's that weird confidence surge plus the euphoria from my EC stack. Anybody else, or am I just a freak (iN tHE sHeeTS)?
[Rant/Rave] I want to fucking die
/u/Carokoneko
Created: Wed Sep 19 14:20:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h8oda/i_want_to_fucking_die/
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I‘ve been moving the past week and since we can’t really cook we‘re eating out every day and I am just bingeing without control.
I gained 2kg this week and I just feel terrible.
I just want to restrict again...
[Other] i’M HaViNG A REcoVeRY DAy
/u/staticphat [Height: 5'3 | CW: Jabba the Hutt | GW: Bikini Leia]
Created: Wed Sep 19 14:19:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h8o7n/im_having_a_recovery_day/
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....i tell myself while binging on 5000 calories after restricting for three days
[Rant/Rave] i hate lunch at school
/u/impractically-me
Created: Wed Sep 19 14:15:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h8n4b/i_hate_lunch_at_school/
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it is my least favorite part of the day
i sit there surrounded by my friends who eat all the things i wish i could be eating. my friend walks over the other day with a package of mini donuts and chips, alongside her full lunch. i havent had donuts in months smh.
i always feel so self conscious when eating as well, because i feel like theyre judging me for eating my safe foods, i feel like theyre judging me for how much less im eating than them. i feel like theyre judging me for how much quicker i finish before them. and god am i jealous. it must be nice being able to eat whatever you want without worrying about calorie intake, it must be nice to eat candy bars and cakes and donuts and chips. it really sucks ugh
[Help] What’s up with the predictions on LoseIt
/u/twa1238 [F25| 158cm | CW 🐄 |]
Created: Wed Sep 19 14:14:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h8mqw/whats_up_with_the_predictions_on_loseit/
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I don’t get it, it doesn’t matter if I logg 200 or 2000 calories, the prediction doesn’t change? I mean I appreciate they’re not nagging like MFP but at least the prediction there wasn’t only based on my daily budget? Am I missing something?
[Rant/Rave] Reached goal weight despite binges?
/u/frida569 [163 cm | 74 kg | 15 kg | female]
Created: Wed Sep 19 14:14:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h8miw/reached_goal_weight_despite_binges/
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I’ve been restricting pretty well these past 2 weeks but eat above maintenance at least twice a week and this week binged twice because of pms
Will I ever reach my goal
I’m just so disappointed and I hate myself and it’s ruining my life and my days constantly I just hate being this fat
[Help] I need friends
/u/Onedayillbethin [5'4| 130.6 | 22.6 | 64.4lbs | Chicky]
Created: Wed Sep 19 14:05:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h8jk7/i_need_friends/
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Does anyone here wanna be friends? like legit friends. shoot the shit. talk, help each other in a non life threatening way hahahha. Im just so so lonely. IDK!!!. help..(wasabi)
[Rant/Rave] I find normal dieters more triggering than ed people, wtf
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2 | 148 | Aiming for 146 by 10/1 | -12| f21]
Created: Wed Sep 19 13:55:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h8gd8/i_find_normal_dieters_more_triggering_than_ed/
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Been trying to be more healthy(aka eating 1000 and only weighing twice a day) so I've been around loseit and 12isplenty more often than here....And holy shit, I feel so bad about my intake. It's not healthy enough(why is there this thing on 1200 where people shit on meals for no reason other than 'I wouldn't eat that"), I'm now paranoid I'm over estimating despite weighing everything because that's the general consensus... At least around here we accept our fucked upness and don't usually push it on others.
I think I just need to isolate myself from diet stuff again
[Rant/Rave] Not trying to be dramatic but my literal worst nightmare happened last weekend
/u/twiceasfar
Created: Wed Sep 19 13:29:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h889k/not_trying_to_be_dramatic_but_my_literal_worst/
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I have never posted in here before but have frequented the sub for about a year now. Something finally happened that I just really need to rant about to people who understand??
Last weekend my boyfriend wanted to introduce me to his friends from the military so we went to his buddy’s house. The guys little cousin was there (maybe 5 or 6 years old?) and as we were saying bye she ran up and hugged everyone. When she went to hug me, she poked my stomach and said “What’s in there?” At first I was sort of mortified. Does she think I’m pregnant?? Then I realized I had my phone tucked in the waistband of my leggings so okay, a rush of relief. “Oh it’s just my phone!” She then shakes her head and says “No! in your tummy! Is there a baby?” This is in front of like seven or eight people I just met. My boyfriend knows I have ED issues and tried to make a joke of it and I kinda laughed and said “Hopefully there’s no babies in there.” I was fucking mortified. I haven’t stopped thinking about it. My stomach looks huge to me now. I’ve lost 64 pounds and STILL look like a fucking whale to strangers. Plus kids are honest because they don’t know any better so you know it’s true :(
I am just absolutely devastated right now. Only good thing is now I have motivation to restrict again! ugh
So ya TLDR: a little girl drew the attention of seven strangers to my stomach asking if I was pregnant
The Irish Festival and my sick, jealous ED games
/u/Wigforfire [5'2 | 100.3 | 18.89 | 30lbs | Female]
Created: Wed Sep 19 13:29:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h884r/the_irish_festival_and_my_sick_jealous_ed_games/
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This coming weekend the city I live next to is putting on an Irish Festival which I've never paid much attention to. I am vaguely aware that things happen in the city, there is a Greek Festival, an Italian Festival, there are farmers markets and food truck parades. I can't say I have never attended any of these things or have never been interested in going, because I have gone and I have considered going to a couple, but never to the Irish Festival... that is, until about 3 weeks ago when the signs began popping up around the city and the town I live in nearby, and my boyfriend suggested we go. Now for most people that seems like a cute date idea, go out, experience some culture, maybe pick at some food, sip some alcohol maybe, right? WRONG! Enter stage left: ED Brain, Self Conscious Brain.
​
*He used to go there with his ex girlfriend because she works at the Irish Club and she is going to be there. You know that, he definitely knows that.*
​
So I'm apprehensive and say maybe even though he and her dated in high school... a decade ago. He can tell I'm upset and drops it... until this week when he says "I forgot about the Irish Festival, it's such a good time we should go". And still I was apprehensive but I made a slight nod to say maybe and let it on like that... until today because today, 2 days from the Festival where I won't want to eat and I won't want to drink my calories; At the festival that I, in my own disillusion, have turned into some competition with my boyfriend's ex (even though he probably just wants to go out and do something with yours truly), I will show her how small I have gotten since we went out to the cheesecake factory together in an effort to be friends one time; I will eat ALL the food to prove that I can be skinny and still be able to drink and eat (as if that actually matters to anyone but me); I will come out on top, even though there is no competition at all... And thinking about all of this, sitting in my car made me feel smug and content, because I know that I am smaller than I was and I know that I am smaller than her... isn't that just... revolting...
125 can you please get the fuck out of my way?!?!
/u/SkinnyisSexy [5'7 |125lb|19.6|-23lb|F GW115]
Created: Wed Sep 19 13:26:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h87aw/125_can_you_please_get_the_fuck_out_of_my_way/
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Seriously. It's been a week of eating between 200 and 800 and I still am fucking 125. I'm thinking of just amputating a leg. It's frustrating because I was losing so fast and now it's like done. I know, I know it'll woosh. I know the lower you get the slower you lose. I wish I could fast but I am a hairdresser, if I fast I'll end up fainting while doing someones hair. My job is too fast paced. I don't even have two days off in a row to fast during. I feel like I typically over count calories but maybe I'm under counting. All I eat is soup, sweet potatos, or 70 cal boca burgers. I'm going to go crazy if I'm not 119 by the end of the month. I just want to be in the teens again, even if I just get to a bmi of 18.8 at 120 I'll be happy. Bmi under 19 plz dear god send me some antifat fairies. Sorry, it's just so disheartening to be restricting and see the same number every morning.
[Rant/Rave] Im going crazy please tell me im not going to be fat forever
/u/dortuh [5'8" | 110.7lb | BMI 16.8 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 19 13:15:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h83wh/im_going_crazy_please_tell_me_im_not_going_to_be/
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Fell off track and got fat AGAIN. Got kicked out of my mom's and things have been hard and I just got fat.
So I'm up like 20 lbs
Monday I did strenuous workouts and according to the Fitbit I burned 2800- I ate about 700
Same weight the next day
Last night went for a 3 hour walk pushing a stroller (while sore af from Monday) and ate 600- then fucked up at night and ate cereal which I didn't count, but I know it wasn't more than I burned that day
Still, I've been 129.5 for THREE DAYS
Normally when I get started on a diet again, the water weight falls off real fast and I easily lose 5 lbs in the first week. Normally 2 lbs a day the first two days.
Why am I plateauing ALREADY while having a deficit, exercising, and eating healthy low fat shit?
I'm so frustrated.
[Rant/Rave] ... And then I woke up sad
/u/Adrenalize_me [Height | CW | BMI | Weight Lost | Gender]
Created: Wed Sep 19 13:15:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h83v9/and_then_i_woke_up_sad/
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Last night I had a very realistic dream where my husband was telling me how worried he was about me and how I was too skinny and it felt like I’d break if he hugged me.
And in this dream, that made me so, so happy. And because it felt so real, it was fucking brutal to wake up as still-fat me.
Ugh.
And we’re just going to go ahead and not talk about how fucked up it is that the best dream I’ve had in a while involved me being ecstatically happy that I was worrying someone I love.
[Rant/Rave] I told my husband where my laxative stash was..
/u/Lunabell2
Created: Wed Sep 19 12:57:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h7y91/i_told_my_husband_where_my_laxative_stash_was/
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And I let him destroy them. My 23rd birthday is in one week and I just gave myself the most fabulous present of all.
They were under the silverware organizer so I would remember that they were there every time I got a fork or spoon to eat with.
FUCK THAT. I’m on my way to happier life.
Ethan's Inspirational Quote Of The Day
/u/JaninesEye [5'5|221|35.5|-11|F16]
Created: Wed Sep 19 12:33:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h7qr3/ethans_inspirational_quote_of_the_day/
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https://i.redd.it/b6e40hhff2n11.png
hunger by florence and the machine
/u/winterfoxes_
Created: Wed Sep 19 12:30:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h7ppj/hunger_by_florence_and_the_machine/
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current mood, sadly.
My Fav Delicious Snacks From Around The World
/u/HeartPromotions
Created: Wed Sep 19 12:14:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h7krd/my_fav_delicious_snacks_from_around_the_world/
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https://youtu.be/nlKzwo9aeCQ
My mini rant about the posts sometimes
/u/High_as_red [5'4 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 19 12:12:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h7kci/my_mini_rant_about_the_posts_sometimes/
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I'm not trying to target anyone specifically at all, or insult the community. But there's so many posts like " do you guys also like when you dont eat much " "Do you guys also like seeing your bones " " Am i the only one that likes how it feels when i dont eat " " Does any one else like wearing small sizes " "Is anyone else jealous of models " . DEAR GOD we're thousands of people brought together by the sole idea of being thin😂 OfFUCKINGcourse we also like bones and starving. How is that even a valid question?
Any other bipolar fasters?
/u/vydka
Created: Wed Sep 19 12:09:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h7j9g/any_other_bipolar_fasters/
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Do you feel like fasting affects your manic symptoms? I'm in hour 17 of my fast and my thoughts are starting to race. I feel like I'm all over the place, my mood is elevated, my brain is like "yes I'm ready let's do all the things" but then there's no follow through. I get distracted and begin something else.
It's under control for now, especially because I'm aware enough that it's happening. But it kinda sucks. Fasting used to make me feel empty and in control, but over the years as my bipolar disorder got more intense, now I just feel like this wired ball of intensity that could explode at any minute.
[Rant/Rave] I did it!
/u/Throwaway-hideaway [5’2” | CW:48.6kg | SW:57kg | F | Maintaining?]
Created: Wed Sep 19 12:05:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h7hz8/i_did_it/
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Rave.
I’ve done my first ever 24 hour water fast!! And I still feel good, I don’t feel hungry at all! Maybe I can extend it to 48 hours!
[Discussion] How is your day going?
/u/Bookeisha [182 cm | 57.3 kg | BMI 17.3 | M ]
Created: Wed Sep 19 11:47:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h7cka/how_is_your_day_going/
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Just curious how y'all doing today
Fuck! I just stress binged
/u/iron_blanket
Created: Wed Sep 19 11:32:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h77o6/fuck_i_just_stress_binged/
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There is a really important meeting next week and I completely dropped the ball on something I was meant to do. I had to get chased by someone very senior to remember. So I have been panicking to get it finished
In the process I have just polished off a box of these super rich chocolate truffles. They are not even good!!! I feel so stressed and guilty. I'm afraid to look on line for how much I just consumed. They are from this artisan place so there isn't even anything on the box.
AND I have the period from hell
Fuck my life
[Help] addicted to green tea blended drinks and i’m not sure whether they’re bad for me or not
/u/vvccvv
Created: Wed Sep 19 11:28:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h76ki/addicted_to_green_tea_blended_drinks_and_im_not/
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okay so i’ve been in looooove with blended green tea drink for like the past 2 weeks or so and at the same time i’ve been intermittent fasting (20-4/16-8) but i’m seeing little to no weight loss.
is it because of the drinks i’m buying?
i ask for it to be subbed with almond milk and the only other thing it has is ice and [this.](http://www.thefrozenbean.com/products/44/creme-blends/green-tea)
i also make my own at home to save *some* money and use the ito en japenese matcha blend: [link](https://www.itoen.com/matcha-green-sweetened)
tl;dr i’m obsessed w a drink and i’ll probably keep sabotaging myself not knowing if it’s healthy but i’d like some peace of mind please
[Other] Dilated pupils?
/u/chezpajama
Created: Wed Sep 19 11:26:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h760v/dilated_pupils/
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Anyone else have permanently dilated pupils?
I legitimately look high 24/7.
Because this can be a symptom of so many different things, I’m not sure how to remedy it. I think it’s likely either fatigue (restriction has worsened my insomnia and I’m sleeping 3 hours a day, max) or iron deficiency.
I ate a whole block of tofu and I’m adding more leafy greens to my diet.
I think maybe I just need to do a maintenance day and rest? I’m just having a hard time allowing myself to eat 2100 calories. That’s a lot of fucking calories.
[Rant/Rave] Crepe Day (my living hell)
/u/bluebay5
Created: Wed Sep 19 11:17:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h735z/crepe_day_my_living_hell/
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Twice a month on Wednesdays a client at my work has "crepe day". He brings a skillet and whips up the batter in the office and brings in every delectable topping you can imagine. Fortunately I am shy and would never ask for any or make my own but he always insists on bringing one to reception to me. I say "no", but there is no backing down to this guy without being harsh. My go-to is to stash it in a drawer until I can throw it away without being seen.
Survived today.... but the crepes will be back. 😷
[Discussion] does anyone else not like ED media?
/u/duskedfur [5'7"|CW: 105|16.4|UGW: 100|F]
Created: Wed Sep 19 11:01:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h6y1e/does_anyone_else_not_like_ed_media/
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books, documentaries, movies- i don’t want to watch them at all. i get really uncomfortable when EDs are depicted in media and i can’t really express why. i don’t like focusing on the fact that i’m disordered, i just want to focus on the weight loss i guess? i watch a lot of supersize v. superskinny and secret eaters which is the closest thing i get to ED media. i spent a lot of time on MPA when it was active and i spend a lot of time here now and a lot of people talk about reading wintergirls or watching to the bone obsessively and that just does not appeal to me whatsoever idk? i actively avoid stuff like that.
potentially related, i really don’t want to know anyone else with an ED irl. i like going through this entirely alone. i’ve been fine with messaging people online but only briefly, i don’t want to talk about how i feel in depth. am i the only one??? i constantly see people fantasizing about having ‘ana buddies’ or whatever to be competitive with/binge with/fast with and that kinda freaks me out to be honest
[Rant/Rave] i need to rant about last night/my feelings
/u/psybeams [5'3 | 17f | cw : 110 | gw : 100 | bmi : 19]
Created: Wed Sep 19 10:50:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h6uiu/i_need_to_rant_about_last_nightmy_feelings/
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i dropped out of normal school to do night school because i can’t stand school, especially my old one. literally just thinking about it gives me anxiety. i would rather be dead than go to school. yesterday i had my first class of night school, guess how long i lasted? 45 minutes. i was anxious as fuck but that got 100x worse when these two girls walked in.
legitimately super model gorgeous, stick thin, and bitchy. they sat in front of me and were already talking shit about this girl on the other side of the room, calling her “tubby” even tho she literally wasn’t even close?? once i heard that i started tearing up because i know i’d hear something about me, whether it be my quietness or my weight. i know how girls like that work, i’ve been “friends” with a few. i got up and asked the teacher if im allowed to leave, she said yes so i did. i cried in my car in the parking and the whole way home. i hate myself so much.
anyways my whole family is calling me a loser and yelling at me, like yes thanks i don’t already fucking hate myself. you guys can get your money back so get off my dick please. i’m not even alive for myself, im only alive because of my family, but I DONT EVEN LIKE THEM SO WHY AM I BOTHERING? they’re controlling, think-they’re-better-than-everyone assholes. i want to die. i don’t see a future for myself. i don’t WANT a future for myself. how am i the selfish one when i’m the one going through this pain EVERY DAY for my family? i’m not fucking selfish for wanting to end my suffering, i’ve had the same feelings every day since i was 12/13 and i’m exhausted and i just want to go already.
today i haven’t gotten out of bed and my grandma is trying to force me to eat. i’ve told her so many times that i don’t like to eat, it makes me hate myself. yet here she is, trying to fucking sabotage me by buying SOOOO MUCH calorie dense food it’s not even funny like please stop. i just want to see myself how everyone else sees me because all i see is fat, while everyone else sees unhealthily skinny. I AM NOT SKINNY WHATSOEVER. anyways sorry for the rant thanks for listening love you guys.
(also before anyone asks yes i’m in therapy. on my 11th therapist since i was 13. nothing fucking helps. yes i was on meds, first wellbutrin, then prozac, then zoloft, which i stopped because it doesnt fucking work. yes i’ve tried exercise. i don’t want help anymore i want to die.)
[Rant/Rave] My ed RUINS my sleep schedule
/u/lilmdjd [5'3 | CW: 130 | HW: 147 | LW: 115 | 23F]
Created: Wed Sep 19 10:49:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h6u44/my_ed_ruins_my_sleep_schedule/
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When I’m restricting, I cannot sleep normally. Nothing helps, not Benadryl or zzquil or magnesium. Nothing. I fall asleep fine but I wake up every two hours like clockwork. A doctor once told me my body was letting me rest a little and then waking me up to go find food. Sometimes I indulge it and go have a small protein-y snack. Sometimes I just get up and waste a half hour body checking instead. Man Id give anything to sleep through the night.
Dae have this problem?
Any narcissists here?
/u/littledeadkitty
Created: Wed Sep 19 10:40:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h6rdg/any_narcissists_here/
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I'm diagnosed with pretty much all of cluster B (except histrionic) but my psych brought up the link between NPD and EDs today. It was pretty interesting and it completely explained how my ED formed for me personally, considering I was never bullied or anything. I know this disorder in particular gets a bad rap on Reddit but its comorbidity with eating disorders is high. I remember a post here a while ago about personality disorders and the top comment was about NPD but it was deleted. So it got me wondering, anyone else here with NPD (traits)?
Figured out why I was gaining weight while restricting, but now I have another problem
/u/TheGlassBetweenUs [5'8 | CW: 146.6 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 19 10:33:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h6p17/figured_out_why_i_was_gaining_weight_while/
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This is tmi but whatever lol turns out I'm constipated? I drink coffee every day and drink lots of water but my body is just stopped. Debating picking up some laxatives after work and seeing if that helps...
Any other ideas though? I've eaten under maintenance for over a week yet I've gained 2 pounds
I was banned from Ana's Kingdom discord server :(
/u/wishfulthinkings [5'4" | CW:150+ | GW1:125 | GW2:107]
Created: Wed Sep 19 10:26:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h6n5q/i_was_banned_from_anas_kingdom_discord_server/
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And I have no idea why. I wasn't very active but posted a few times a week maybe. I was there for community feeling and support. I don't know what I did wrong. Now I feel all alone again.
Hello world and all who inhabit this sub
/u/Onedayillbethin
Created: Wed Sep 19 10:18:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h6kiq/hello_world_and_all_who_inhabit_this_sub/
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Hey guys I'm new here. How is everyone. What's life like. Currently watching shitty documentaries. Hating my life. Feel free to chat with me. Also. How do I make that cute box after my username with my stats. Lol ok.I'm sorry I have no idea how to handle socialization
[Other] Interview oppertunity for people of color dealing with EDs
/u/l_plmr
Created: Wed Sep 19 10:14:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h6jcj/interview_oppertunity_for_people_of_color_dealing/
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Hi everyone!
I’m a second generation mixed Chinese woman and I’ve struggled with an ED since I was 10. A few years ago I went to a residential treatment facility and while it helped some, I was absolutely disgusted with how white washed/cis centric treatment was. This inspired me to do my senior thesis on people of color and eating disorders. My completed thesis will create an intersectional theoretical framework to better understand ED’s in people of color. This framework will center lived experiences of poc with eating disorders and provide a starting point to rethink how we diagnose and treat ED’s. Too many people of color who suffer from ED’s go undiagnosed and untreated because of white capitalistic patriarchy, and that needs to change. If you are a person of color and you are interested in answering a few questions about your experience with your ED (which I will post below for transparency) please DM me or comment below. Some things to consider: I will change your name/username and paraphrase your response (which you will approve before I put it in my paper) so there will be no way your response can be traced back to you. You don’t have to answer all my questions, and you can go off topic in your answers.
Questions:
1) if you are comfortable disclosing this information, what kind of ED do you have?
2) have you received treatment for your ED? If so, how was your experience with that? If not, why haven’t you experienced treatment?
3) how would you describe the way food, eating, and cooking function in your family, either growing up or currently?
4) how would you describe your experience with embodiment/how you exist inside your body? Are there any specific events that have shaped how you relate to your body?
5) Can you describe your experience with the diagnosis process (self diagnosed or professionally)
Before, my nightmares used to be about losing someone I loved...
/u/funnyhappygirl123
Created: Wed Sep 19 10:13:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h6izc/before_my_nightmares_used_to_be_about_losing/
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And last night, I dreamed that I ate 4 freshly baked cookies and deadass woke up in a cold sweat. Took me half an hour to fall back asleep. Wtf has this disorder turned me into
Do you ever just...
/u/bulafilly_squad
Created: Wed Sep 19 10:13:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h6isg/do_you_ever_just/
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Think ‘oh I’ve only had 100 calories today how come I haven’t lost 30lbs?!?!’ It’s so rude of my body, I feel personally victimised.
Even eating nothing I still lose weight waaayyy too slowly for my liking 😭 clearly just gonna be a fat fuck forever 🙃
P.s new(ish) to this subreddit hi fellow messed up people 👋🏻
[Intro] NO weight lost in two weeks - Also hi, introduction post
/u/uglydeer
Created: Wed Sep 19 10:09:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h6hn7/no_weight_lost_in_two_weeks_also_hi_introduction/
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Hello everyone. I've been a long time lurker (of Reddit in general)...I know you guys, but you don't know me, and I never really knew what to say until now. I've been around for a while. Kicked off my dieting adventures with keto, then ZC, then PSMF, then fasting. I've been up and down in weight, never even close to underweight or indicating that I have adopted some unhealthy food habits to others, but I have. I have. It's affected my relationships, my academics, my career, and my happiness. Got a little CPTSD in my life, to boot. Never been diagnosed but, if I were to wager a guess, this is probably EDNOS.
​
So okay, clickbaity title, but not altogether untrue. I've been intermittent fasting/OMAD for a long time, and these past two weeks, I've only had two meals (not healthy or low calorie meals, but normie meals at least.) Besides the initial water weight of 5 lbs lost about a month ago, I have not budged.
​
I don't count calories or macros or anything (not religiously, like I used to, so I have an idea of what I'm consuming), but come on...two meals in two weeks, total. I'm not saying I'm a scientific anomaly that breaks the rules of thermodynamics, but where's the whoosh? Is there going to be one? Two weeks, mind you, *at least.*
​
I also have a witness. He knows about my issues with food and has watched my intake, and he would know if I was being shifty and sneaking a bite or two somewhere (besides a pinky-glob of ranch dressing to test myself, I have not consumed anything but water, tea, and monster ultras!) He is as baffled as I am.
​
Tell me my weight scale is broken. I started off snarking at it as a joke, but now I'm genuinely hating its sass. I guess I shouldn't bother listening to it as long as my clothes fit better, but that's hardly been the case, either. Kill me?
​
Thank you for reading. Love you guys.
[Other] Getting drunk easy
/u/Yoni1660
Created: Wed Sep 19 10:06:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h6gsn/getting_drunk_easy/
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I only ate two eggs yesterday at like 12 so by the time I got home from work I had an empty stomach and I had like two glugs of rum and was really drunk really fast. I didn’t know it was so fast and easy when restricting lol
I am so upset I don’t have the self control to not buy the food in the first place. How do you prevent yourself from buying it in the first place?
/u/laceandlatex
Created: Wed Sep 19 09:50:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h6bmg/i_am_so_upset_i_dont_have_the_self_control_to_not/
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I just think about junk food all the time...it’s just so depressing
What is your goal BMI?
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | CW: 114 | GW:105 | UGW 100 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 19 09:33:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h66f0/what_is_your_goal_bmi/
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Mine is 16-17. I was just curious about you guys. If there's any reason why you chose that BMI, feel free to explain! i just wanna know you guys' goals.
[Help] Any recommendations for good sugar free low calorie or no calorie candy or throat lozenges?
/u/eva1588
Created: Wed Sep 19 09:26:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h6477/any_recommendations_for_good_sugar_free_low/
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I am looking for a hard candy to suck on that is low calories, like 5 calories or less. I think it will help me with my oral fixation of always needing to be chewing on something. Any suggestions?
Meltdown
/u/cherryxnut
Created: Wed Sep 19 09:01:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h5w7f/meltdown/
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I’m in crisis. I’m being completely ostracised by my class. They sit away from me like I smell. I gain a pound. My anxiety and sadness are so bad I haven’t eaten. I’m crying. I feel the pains in my chest like a heart attack/panic attack. And the straw that broke me was my vape (my appetite suppressant, my dearly loved habit) is just spewed vape fluid everywhere. I broke down in sobs. I can’t keep going. I am at my wits end here. I don’t know where else to go or who else to talk to. I phoned the GP and they can’t see me for three weeks.
that
DAE feel prettier when starving?
/u/gigi-has-issues [5'9"| CW 155| GW 115| F]
Created: Wed Sep 19 08:56:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h5usm/dae_feel_prettier_when_starving/
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I feel way better about my appearance on days i fast, even if I rationally know there is no physical difference. I legitimately think I look better in the mirror.
[Rant/Rave] I hate being scared of living
/u/dragaynite
Created: Wed Sep 19 08:49:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h5siv/i_hate_being_scared_of_living/
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I hate how food controls me. Calories dictate if I can go out with friends or if I come up with another excuse as to why I can’t see them.
“Oh, I forgot I had a family event to go to. Maybe next time!”
“I would love to, but I’m super far behind in my studies”
“Can we rain check? I’m not feeling to well tonight and would rather stay in”
So on and so fourth. I hate not enjoying my life because I’m terrified of how food dominant our society is. I can’t go out without being bombarded by calculations and compromises. Which food is the lowest calorie but would raise the least suspicion? What can I do to avoid eating without people noticing? How many calories is that? Is that in my budget?
I’m so tired of being so lonely, but the only way to get a break from the pressure eating places on my mind is to just isolate myself. I just want to be happy. But I hate myself so god damn much I would rather starve in isolation than go out and enjoy a meal with my friends
I have devised the best way to fast and have no figure out I have an ED
/u/fortunefeaster
Created: Wed Sep 19 08:48:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h5se3/i_have_devised_the_best_way_to_fast_and_have_no/
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I'm fasting for a school project! Well, not really, I'm fasting because I'm a whale but now I have a legitimate reason and people aren't allowed to judge me as much. Now my only problem is going to be writing a paper on my fast when I'll probably be so hungry I'll be half out of myind while writing it. ED stealth = 💯
[Discussion] what innocent comment made you plunge right back into your ED?
/u/tifaloch
Created: Wed Sep 19 08:15:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h5ioa/what_innocent_comment_made_you_plunge_right_back/
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yesterday i was chatting with a well meaning friend who knows i have struggled with ED my whole life (she works at the treatment center i was in for a while this year and also in 2014).
as we were talking, i mentioned my boyfriend holds my ED over my head and uses it as ammunition to put me down. and she says...
“but you’re recovered now!”
i know she meant well. but...
nope.
recovered? i look recovered? well. i’m a whale. time to restrict even lower. 🙂
[Rant/Rave] Jogging on Empty , feeing awful
/u/Shewantstolive
Created: Wed Sep 19 08:14:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h5i92/jogging_on_empty_feeing_awful/
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So this is day 3 of no eating and this morning i swigged a drink of water and then I did a 4 mile jog . It took me 54 minutes , it was a super slow jog. . At mile like 2.5 I couldn’t jog anymore . My body physically was like “you’re fucking exhausted we’re taking a break if you like it or not”. And I just started walking for like half a mile and ran the rest because the mosquitos at 6 in the morning here in lower Texas are brutal. I felt like such a failure when I was walking. I ran 5 miles straight on Monday morning but the night before I had a binge so my body had the energy to manage running . I don’t intend on eating anything today either and I hate my reflection so much. My husband looks at a lot of nude girls online and I don’t care that he does it anymore but it’s an absolute trigger none the less . Sigh, I just want to be skinny and then at least I’ll have that.
[Discussion] ED related preferences?
/u/gameofboness
Created: Wed Sep 19 08:13:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h5htc/ed_related_preferences/
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what are your aesthetic preferences that might seem unrelated but are actually driven by ED thoughts?
for example, i love long stiletto nails because they make fingers look thinner. i dislike short or square nails because i think they make fingers look fat.
also, when i play video games with sliders i always put my character as small as possible. i love playing tiny characters and won't ever play as orcs or larger ones.
[Help] Does anyone here know someone who lost recovery weight without relapsing?
/u/ScottieBFerguson
Created: Wed Sep 19 08:06:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h5g00/does_anyone_here_know_someone_who_lost_recovery/
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TL;DR I’m overweight and need to lose but relapse every time I try.
I was anorexic in my teen years (ednos atypical for most of it; I’m 5’2’’ and started out overweight so it took my awhile to hit underweight). And eventually decided I wanted to live, and if it was still possible, have children. So I fought and was lucky enough to recover. The problem is that “intuitive eating” really led to binging. And 8 years later (from the start of recovery 6 years from relapse) I was 30 pounds into the obese category. Every time I tried to lose weight I would start to get those nagging ED voices again, panic and eat a pizza to prove to myself I wasn’t relapsing and go back to gaining weight. But coming up on 200 lbs I had to do something. I told myself all my past attempts were just a game of chicken and I was swerving too early, so I’d stick it out for longer this time. Except then I totally relapsed. 5 day fasts, proana, lying to family, self hatred, refusing to go out, the whole nine yards. I lost 35 pounds but then freaked out about my period getting wonky and went back to maintenance. For months I focused on building myself up and building healthy coping mechanisms etc. Told myself I wasn’t going to focus on losing weight just making healthy choices. BAM 💥 it literally took a day and now I’m on day three of a fast. I hate it. I hate how it affects my marriage and my self image. But I also need to get to a healthier place and not just stay fat in the name of recovery. Has anyone seen actual success stories that aren’t just people trading an obsession with calories to an obsession with fitness/macros?
10 lbs down!
/u/PolitelySuicidal [5'7" | 131 | GW <90 | UGW dead lol | 20F]
Created: Wed Sep 19 08:04:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h5ffp/10_lbs_down/
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It doesn't seem like much, but I thought I was never going to lose weight again after my last binge phase, so I'm excited to have met at least one goal.
Any suggestions on ways to reward myself? Can't be food related.
[Other] it's not worth it
/u/gameofboness
Created: Wed Sep 19 07:54:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h5c94/its_not_worth_it/
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i went through all the paces. i gained the weight, i got new clothes without crying at the tags, i ate without thinking about calories. i have a boyfriend who thinks i'm the sexiest woman alive, a loving family.
and its not worth it. its not worth it because theres that little worm in the back of my head that knows when i'm not the thinnest in the room. that remembers the high of loss and bones and falling numbers. and people might look at me and think a lot of pretty things, but if they don't think "wow, she's small" then it's not worth it.
[Rant/Rave] Apparently reaching out is just looking for attention
/u/siempremequejo
Created: Wed Sep 19 07:40:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h58nw/apparently_reaching_out_is_just_looking_for/
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So my mom got mad at me for talking to my boyfriend about my relationship with food. I just want someone to hold me accountable and so I talked to him. He’s very understanding and tells me how proud he is when I don’t restrict too low. Yet my mom over heard me saying “I promise I’ll eat breakfast” and got mad because I’m “manipulating him for attention”? Tbh my mom doesn’t help with anything, she’s says she raised me to be smarter and she’s always stealing my pre-made meals I make for lunch.
[Rant/Rave] I wanna let go of my fear of food and self loathing. I cant... Living with this everyday is a struggle. I just wanna let it go.
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Wed Sep 19 07:34:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h572v/i_wanna_let_go_of_my_fear_of_food_and_self/
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All time low
/u/little-paws
Created: Wed Sep 19 07:05:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h4z7p/all_time_low/
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I hit a new LW this morning and I feel nothing, I'm just empty inside.
My self confidence is at an all time low. The guy I've been seeing told me he'd slept with someone else (which is technically fine, we're not exclusive) but god it hurts. I'm not good enough and I am basically disposable.
I want to crawl into bed for a few days. I don't know what I need, some advice, some kind words?
[Help] How much weight have you lost on 2468?
/u/throwaway__1893
Created: Wed Sep 19 07:03:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h4yms/how_much_weight_have_you_lost_on_2468/
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So I just fasted for a couple of days and only lost like 1 pound. I’m thinking next week of trying the 2468 and was wondering your experiences.
[Tip] Social anxiety coping tips
/u/linedryonly [5'5"♀| CW 135 | SW 145 | LW 102 | GW 110]
Created: Wed Sep 19 06:28:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h4pgu/social_anxiety_coping_tips/
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Hey all,
I've recently had some breakthroughs with my social anxiety and thought I would share what I've been doing just in case my experience might help anybody cope.
My social anxiety is pretty severe. It is especially bad around men and a lot of that has to do with feeling disgusting and unattractive, but there's also a big portion of my anxiety that comes from having lots of negative experiences with men in my life. I also recently moved to Asia, where I feel like a giant blithering Sasquatch most of the time. My first few months here I couldn't handle leaving my apartment except for work and even those trips were too much. Anyway, I had a lot of therapists try to talk me out of caring what people think, but that didn't really work. Partially because I don't really care what people think (I just don't want to be noticed at all), and also because I know rationally that social anxiety isn't useful to me but I can't help myself from reacting the way I do.
So what eventually helped? In a nutshell: disappearing people.
It started with being so overwhelmed by the people passing me on the street that I would just imagine them disappearing into little clouds of smoke as soon a they passed. I imagined an infinite plane extending parallel to my body from each shoulder. Any person that passed that plane disappeared into smoke and ceased to be a part of my consciousness. The visual really helped me to let go of the burden I felt as I passed people on the street and I was finally able to relax a bit while I was out.
Fast foward to living in Asia: the above strategy no longer works as well because some people here actively stare me down from blocks away. The pressure of being watched was debilitating. Having every single person on the street watch me intently from every direction was exhausting and disappearing them didn't really work because they took so damn long to pass me!
Enter new strategy: muppets. I was trying to find a way to mentally disarm these people and it occurred that the best way to combat the fear was to think of something funny. I'm not sure why I landed on muppets, but YOU GUYS it instantly worked. Every time I'm faced with a sleazy guy following me on his motorbike or a judgmental grandma, I turn them in to muppets in my head- complete with silly bouncy walks, pompom noses, pacman mouths, and flappy arms. This approach has yet to fail me because I just imagine more and more outrageous muppets until a person's presence doesn't bother me anymore. I still feel anxiety when I'm about town, but I have a strategy now to combat those feelings so I'm no longer paralyzed by the thought of leaving my apartment or running errands.
So there it is- unconventional at best, but highly effective for me. I hope it proves useful to somebody else or at least gives you all a good laugh or two.
TL;DR Imagining people as muppets really helps.
[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday September 19, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Sep 19 06:11:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h4le6/way_to_go_wednesday_september_19_2018/
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This is the weekly achievement thread for September 19, 2018.
This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!
*****
Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! September 19, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Sep 19 06:11:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h4ldp/daily_food_diary_september_19_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for September 19, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
In the absolute depths of a relapse, how quickly it all comes back.
/u/JayLenoBlows [18 yrs | trans girl | 6’ | GW 120 | underweight ]
Created: Wed Sep 19 06:00:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h4ima/in_the_absolute_depths_of_a_relapse_how_quickly/
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I was obviously starting to relapse for a couple weeks before this started. More compulsive about exercise. More neurotic about calories. More distorted body image. More depressed.
But I'd forgotten the highs and lows of this illness. I'd been restricting pretty hard until around a week ago I started a four day fast. I then ate 1400 calories for two days and haven't eaten since monday. I'm not gonna eat until thursday. It's all back, it's so easy. Old habits. Running the calories into a total. Drinking only water and eating only air for days at a time. The EC stacks help. I'm so sick, my clothes are falling off of me. I'm lethargic and my thoughts are cloudy, I'm suicidal like I've rarely been before, I'm overtly self loathing, I'm jumpy. I'm fucking starving.
Good riddance to bad trash, first the body fat then the rest of me.
What if I try the IU diet for a week, and then go back to my normal 800 kcal eating? Would I gain the lost weight?
/u/subarremos [5'3 | CW: 99 | GW: 88]
Created: Wed Sep 19 05:59:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h4ihy/what_if_i_try_the_iu_diet_for_a_week_and_then_go/
---
The IU diet is basically structured like this:
* 1 apple for breakfast
* 1 sweet potato for lunch
* 1 proteine shake for dinner
If only they knew 😂
/u/isdrunknskinnyathing [5'2" | CW 102 | GW 95 | the floor is calories]
Created: Wed Sep 19 05:58:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h4i9o/if_only_they_knew/
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So I'm going to university in a couple days (for the second time in a different country woohoo drug recovery!) and I've been packing up my stuff all day with this guy I've been seeing. As I was sorting through my underwear/Nintendo games drawer, I saw him glancing a little too long at the panties I was folding away. I was like what dude, these are not sexy panties, you can't possibly be wanting me to be wearing these. And he goes "I'm sorry I've just been watching you put all of these away and all of them are such crazy different sizes! You really only need..." *picks up three or four of them * "these ones. The rest are either way too big or way too small. Are these your mum's?" And I just fucking could not stop laughing. I laughed for like five minutes and he started to look a little worried lol. God love these dumb dudes cause no one else will.
In 4 weeks I ruined months of progress. I lost a grand total of less than a pound because of what I've gained. I feel hopeless.
/u/Highoffempty [5'9 | 138 | GW: 120 | UGW: 108 | Lbs Lost: 22]
Created: Wed Sep 19 05:02:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h46bq/in_4_weeks_i_ruined_months_of_progress_i_lost_a/
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I lost 22 lbs in a few months time...then I went on a 4 week binge and now I've lost less than 1 lb. I fell pathetic. I gained 21 lbs.
Guess what I'm going to do now? Lose it as quickly as possible. Half of my hair fell out...I love my hair. That's one of the only things I like about myself. Apparently that isn't going to stop me.
I'm not sure if you can die doing this starting at a normal bmi or have a heart attack but I don't care. I'm fasting for 21 days and I will do anything to get to my gw.
I was just thinking about it and I don't understand myself at all. How can I have so much motivation time and time again after failures to try again? If this was a skill any sane person would quit by now...why don't I have this motivation for anything else?? If I were as motivated with other things as I am with my ed I'd be a master at something. Then I realized..it is not like I'm some superhuman who cannot be discouraged and who has a will of steel. It's my disorder. My disorder makes me stand up every single time I fall and try 10x as hard. I'm so annoyed that I can't transfer that thinking to productive parts of my life.
So yeah...21 days of nothing but water and diet soda. Who knows where I'll end up.
[Goal] The most inspiring transformation pic
/u/FitCelery3 [5'7" | 118| 18| UGW 113 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 19 04:43:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h423b/the_most_inspiring_transformation_pic/
---
https://i.redd.it/ug0batemc6n11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] Two weeks without drinking + binging!
/u/climbupme [5'3 | 142 | 24.5 | 12lbs | F]
Created: Wed Sep 19 04:24:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h3y7e/two_weeks_without_drinking_binging/
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I've gone two weeks without drinking! And also then, two weeks without binging, regrets, alcohol-calories and night food. Man I feel so much better. Saved a lot of money too. Made me realize how much I drank. I'm going out with friends on Saturday but maybe I can swing by and only have a glass of wine. Beer is a no go now. I don't wanna binge again. I'm finally on track and it's now or never. I have a weigh-in in October, and I wanna be thinner than last time I went there.
[Discussion] lowest possible BMI ??
/u/pringlesbutthole [6’|F|CW:112.2|BMI:14.6|20]
Created: Wed Sep 19 03:46:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h3qyd/lowest_possible_bmi/
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okay so today was slow at work and me and my fav coworker were just chilling and talking. he had gastric bypass surgery around 2-3 years ago and get this. he told me he was at a bmi of 44 before, and then within less than a year he was at a bmi of TWELVE. like .... bitch are you for real!
I’m looking stuff up now and like... is that even possible??? can you have a BMI that low and sustain it for any length of time? at the time it instantly triggered me and my little rat brain was like, fuck now I have to lose another 20 pounds ASAP. but that’d put me at like 50+ pounds underweight for my height and I already look like I’m dying where I’m at now.
now I’m just so mad bc I can’t tell if he was exaggerating/mistaken or if it’s really possible to go that low and I have some catching up to do lmaooo. I know BMIs widely inaccurate and it varies a loooot from person to person but like... for REAL wtf
[Discussion] Body Structure
/u/Hollowlce
Created: Wed Sep 19 03:46:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h3qx2/body_structure/
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Does anyone else get really annoyed that no matter how much weight you lose that your body will never look the way you want it because of how your bones are structured?
Then just get insanely jealous of people who have your idea of a perfectly structured body?
[Discussion] whats your guys weighing routine?
/u/arthroego
Created: Wed Sep 19 03:38:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h3pnc/whats_your_guys_weighing_routine/
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how often/what do you do before/naked or clothed etc?
i weigh myself a few times a day, whenever i notice i'm not bloated but especially after every bm
usually i wake up, pee, zero my scale, get naked and weigh myself. then ill have a cup or two of coffee and a glass or two of water and wait until i pee a ton and hopefully shit as well (lol) then i rezero my scale, get naked, and weigh again.
if i'm fasting i weigh myself after every time i pee, which can be frustrating bc its all over the place, but it helps me push through hunger cravings lol.
i also always weigh myself right after i wake up and go to the bathroom after a night of drinking or a hard workout bc uhhh bye water weight idc if its not real fat loss it makes me feel good
i always count the lowest weigh in for the day
what about y'all?
To the people that chew and spit..
/u/KajaIsForeverAlone [height:5'9 | CW: 135 BMI:20 | weight lost:25 lbs | Gender: F]
Created: Wed Sep 19 03:00:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h3igi/to_the_people_that_chew_and_spit/
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How on earth do you break the cycle? I've been doing it every day for like a solid week and I can't fucking stop
Send help
When you're the always the cold one in the relationship.
/u/Pollyhotpocketposts
Created: Wed Sep 19 02:56:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h3hoa/when_youre_the_always_the_cold_one_in_the/
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https://i.imgur.com/7w3sq8i.gifv
[Discussion] DAE feel the need to weigh all their food even when it's not useful
/u/pvnkskies
Created: Wed Sep 19 02:34:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h3e66/dae_feel_the_need_to_weigh_all_their_food_even/
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I always feel the need to weigh out all my food even in situations where it's really not necessary like when I eat a cookie it already tells me on the package how many calories one cookie is or when I'm eating cereal I know how much I usually eat by eye and overestimate it by about a hundred calories anyway so weighing doesn't influence my estimate. Even when I'm eating something at a time where I'm not actively counting calories and restricting I still want to know how much it weighs even if I don't know the nutritional information.
Honestly I'd carry my food scale around with me if it was socially acceptable because not knowing how much everything weigh just makes me really anxious.
sugar baby and ed
/u/harperNovaStrom
Created: Wed Sep 19 02:12:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h3agi/sugar_baby_and_ed/
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does anyone else who is a sugar baby find it crazy that u can make more money the more weight u lose? like the girls ik who make the most money are super underweight and i always get positive feedback from SDs when i look thinner
I had a dream where I binged on pasta and chicken, is there a way to know if I actually sleep ate?
/u/anxiety-and-theatre
Created: Wed Sep 19 01:53:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h37af/i_had_a_dream_where_i_binged_on_pasta_and_chicken/
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So many emotions (rant)
/u/desertfractal [5'5" | CW:128.6 |GW:111 | SW:143 | 23F]
Created: Wed Sep 19 01:48:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h36es/so_many_emotions_rant/
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Today was so overwhelming. My friend asked if I lost weight today and it’s the first time anyone’s ever asked that, I was ecstatic. I wish my day was only that, but I invited a different friend to do yoga w me today and she said she had to “run errands.” It really wouldn’t be that big of a deal except that this was a friend from my high school friend group and I feel like they’re slowly ex-communicating me lol. I know they have a group text without me, they say it’s for the country concerts they go to (I hate country) and that they don’t want to annoy me when they make plans for them, but I know they pretty much use that all the time now. Plus, my friend just had a birthday and they all went to California and posted pics having a grand ol time, it wasn’t even mentioned to me, I wasn’t invited at all. Then, today, my friend that had to “run errands” had a cute little wine night with my other friend and they failed to mention it. Whoops. It’s fine, I kind of felt us drifting apart, I just wish they would straight up tell me they didn’t want to be my friend instead of doing shit without me and making it obvious they could care less about me. It’s cool, it’s triggering me anyway, and knowing they wouldn’t give a fuck if I had an ED (which I’m not even sure I even do but whatever). It also sucks because one of my friends in this group developed ana when her ex broke up with her. She lost so much weight and went from a 7 to a 10, and now she just maintains so she has energy and is skinny and beautiful. It sucks, I don’t think I’ll ever get there. Sorry for the rant. Oh also, I biked like ten miles today, it sucks that all the good shit that happened today is so over shadowed by all the bad shit. It’s fine, tomorrow’s a new day and I ran out of pickles so I’ll probably just fast.
Mukbangs are making me want to b/p
/u/norkay5
Created: Wed Sep 19 01:42:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h35i1/mukbangs_are_making_me_want_to_bp/
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It’s so weird that I have this new obsession with watching mukbangs on YouTube, like I literally cannot stop watching them. The bigger the portion sizes, the better. I think I secretly like being able to watch someone eat a huge amount of ‘taboo’ food that I normally would b/p with? Now I feel the urge to go buy like four McDonald’s big macs in one sitting even though I KNOW I’m gonna purge them. Ugh I feel so weird about it. DAE find these fucking eating videos triggering???
[Tip] To all cliff bar lovers
/u/usagilunr
Created: Wed Sep 19 01:00:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h2xup/to_all_cliff_bar_lovers/
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I’ve done this for years but I am not sure if everyone knows this, but here is a tip to make your cliff bar taste like a warm cookie. Just put it in the microwave for around 30 seconds and bam, you have a delicious healthier option if you are afraid of eating actual cookies. I do this every day with the chocolate chip ones and thought I would share! Also add a glass of almond milk too if you’re feeling fancy :)
Why do people ALWAYS feel the need to comment?
/u/landfill7707
Created: Wed Sep 19 00:39:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h2ty1/why_do_people_always_feel_the_need_to_comment/
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I’m just so fucking frustrated. I (20F) live with 3 other girls. A isn’t disordered, but B and C both have disordered habits, B more so than C. But recently, C has been commenting on everything I eat — how much is on my plate, what’s on my plate, what time it is, etc. “I could never eat that much!” “What even IS that?” “Are you really eating right now? It’s so late!” I. KNOW. If you see me eating, it’s the result of hours of deliberating, counting exactly how many calories I can afford to have, if I’m going to be able to purge afterwards, if it’s even worth it. I reached my goal weight a few days ago (technically last week but I’ve finally accepted it) and I know I’m now 30+ lbs lighter than C, who is my height. I also know that C is probably just projecting ED anger on me — honestly, I do it sometimes too. But it’s just incredibly triggering and frustrating and I just feel shitty, even though there’s no reason for me to be: I’m at my GW, it’s not like she’s lighter than me, and some days I actually think I look okay. I just wish people would stop commenting on other people’s food/weight/habits.
[Help] asking for a friend
/u/honeybabyiris
Created: Wed Sep 19 00:32:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h2sku/asking_for_a_friend/
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does my skin absorb calories?
if i stand over the sink with the cookies/chips/white bread in my hand long enough debating whether or not to shove it into my mouth do the calories seep into my skin? does it count?
if i handle cheese am i still dairy free and will i break out in 5 minutes?
just curious. asking for a friend. thank U very much
ugh
/u/impracticalmickey [5'8 | 138 | 20.9 | -52]
Created: Wed Sep 19 00:28:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h2rti/ugh/
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so, I posted a while back about my parents packing me with a lot of candy and snack foods to take with me to college. i'm about five weeks in now, and most of it is still there. i still feel really shitty though. my friends are all so thin, and they said they think i am too, but i feel worse here than i did back home. i started trying to lose some more weight again (as if I wasn't trying to anyway). but i get up early now to walk for a few hours before class. i also had the bright idea of substituting caffeine pills for meals. i've been averaging 800-1000 calories since I started this (and then i burn about 500ish from walking). i have to wear a nice dress at the end of this week and i kinda hope my friends notice, cause i think i'll be able to lose a bit by then. but this shit is really stressing me out cause i get in a really dark place when i go back to my room at night. i just hate it all right now.
[Rant/Rave] A boy brought back my ED
/u/sealcat92
Created: Wed Sep 19 00:28:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h2rpb/a_boy_brought_back_my_ed/
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Meeting a cutie when I go to Chicago next weekend. Last time we met, I was 20 lbs lighter. He’s literally my mf dream man and has abs like Adonis
I look like a bloatiss and im afraid he’ll never talk to me again when he sees how fat I am irl lol
lmk if y’all know of any other Adonis abbed, Ivy League educated cuties that I can replace him w when he realizes the girl he’s hyped up for 6 months is actually a fatty 🤧
How can I turn from fat ugly slob to kinda hot, kinda skinny goddess in 6 weeks?
/u/ImKindaFatOof
Created: Wed Sep 19 00:25:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h2r7d/how_can_i_turn_from_fat_ugly_slob_to_kinda_hot/
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Basically I’m about 130lbs 5ft 3 40-30-40 but I’d like to be a lot smaller, when I was at 100lbs I was 36-22-36 and I’d love to get back to that but idk if I could do that in 6 weeks. Any tips? Like exercise ideas and food and skin stuff?
HOW ADORABLE ✨
/u/BEDBulimic [153cm | CW: 55.8 | GW1: 55 | -8.2 | 20F]
Created: Wed Sep 19 00:19:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h2q3g/how_adorable/
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On the way back home from work (hospital) just having a shitty day- bloated af, feelig constipated, haven’t slept in the last 2 days, clutching onto an empty cup of sugar free slushee, browsing r/proed to trigger myself...
> And a random high school girl sitting next to me on the train says “Hey I really like your pants they look amazing on you. And your top- I can never find such a nice form fitting top”
It was so dang CUTE and WHOLESOME she must’ve been like 16? and I’m 21 and I remember being her age and thinking 21 yr olds are old af and have their shit together, but really I feel like she could’ve been my lil sister. I feel like a high schooler again, like she could’ve been my friend when I was younger.
Man there’s no point to this post IM SORRY but this baby made me smile to myself how pure and sweet and innocent she is. Hope she lives a beautiful undisordered life.
Hope y’all having an amazing day, I think you’re all fucking beautiful and deserve more than we’ve been dealt ✨
WTF are kcals?!??
/u/isthischick4real
Created: Wed Sep 19 00:11:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h2olp/wtf_are_kcals/
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My roommate bought an air fryer so I bought some potatoes to make low calorie french fries but when i was looking at recipes one of them said 80 kcal. So I google kcal and it basically said that calories is different from Calories is different from kcal. So an apple isnt 70 calories, its actually 70,000. I know that doesnt change anything logic-wise but I could feel my blood pressure shooting up and I start freaking out at the thought of eating 10,000 calories. Idk i feel like i still dont understand and i also want to cry??
[Tip] Mix the peanut oil in, please
/u/AspergersAndCoffee [5'2F | Last recorded weight 93 | SW 100 | Starting therapy soon]
Created: Tue Sep 18 23:52:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h2ktu/mix_the_peanut_oil_in_please/
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Soo, a few months ago I bought a jar of peanut butter.
When I opened it, there was oil on the top.
The jar said to mix it in, but I didn't listen... After all, the oil has to make the pb way more calorific and if I 86 it it will be basically like PB2, right?
Nope.
The peanut butter became clumpy, thick and unspreadable.
I mixed in some water.
It became even worse.
After long fight with the peanut butter, I decided to throw it away due to it tasting and having the consistency of cardboard puree.
Conclusion: Don't try to save the cals.
Mix the peanut oil in.
DAE get stuck in specific moments?
/u/GQJohnDoe [6'2" | 233.2(!!) | 29.xx | 0.4 (>100 before) | M(ish)]
Created: Tue Sep 18 23:37:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h2hpk/dae_get_stuck_in_specific_moments/
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Flashbacks and stuck in a loop around certain "moments" (however long that is; an hour, a day, a 2 month stay at residential, start of a line of places/people deciding you're too fucked up ("you need intensive intervention your insurance won't support") and dropping you like you're painful to touch? IDK. Is that trauma? Lowercase "t." (I lived through a fucking plane crash, but what keeps haunting me - every time I hear one of the Rihanna songs we used to play during meals, or the stupid Flo-Rida song my "treatment BFF" and I weirdly bonded to ("oh hot damn") - is that experience. I got (repeatedly) derailed and never better. Fatter, but never better.
Signed: [Robot Boy](https://g.co/kgs/4TNWqY)
Anybody into American Vandal?
/u/locking_glass
Created: Tue Sep 18 23:35:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h2hbz/anybody_into_american_vandal/
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Season 2 is great for completely obliterating my desire to binge 😂
I recommend season 1 to get the full backstory of the documentarians (also because it's fucking funny) - but it's not necessary to follow along. Relevant to this sub, season 2 follows a series of disgusting pranks involving literal shit. It's seriously stomach-turning, but also great satire. I've been watching it in the couple hours before bed (prime binging time) and haven't thought favorably about food in days lmao
Just wanna see what the proED sub thinks..
/u/1-Up-Boy
Created: Tue Sep 18 23:27:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h2fot/just_wanna_see_what_the_proed_sub_thinks/
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https://i.redd.it/x2lh77fbs4n11.jpg
Fuck.
/u/GQJohnDoe [6'2" | 233.2(!!) | 29.xx | 0.4 (>100 before) | M(ish)]
Created: Tue Sep 18 23:27:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h2flg/fuck/
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The last few days have been awful. All nighter Thursday into Friday, but got the work done (barely). Gained a pound. Lost it over a weekend alternately working and just dead to the world recovering from an 80 hour week. Monday was balls to the wall preparing for an all day hearing today. Overnighter, too (working on like 3 hours sleep). Got it done. Hearing was ultimately inconclusive (argh; but all that's left now is one Hell Brief, in about 2 months). Came home. Crashed. (Did okay during the day. Lots of water. A cappuccino just to keep my eyes open. Three shrimp street tacos w/ guacamole for lunch.) came home. Crashed for a few hours - hard. Got dragged out to a local bar. 1/2 order wings, 1/2 order loaded fries, 3x glasses of wine. FML!!! :( Scared to weigh tomorrow. I was *finally* not obese. I'm sure I blew that to hell. Tomorrow I have a monthly dinner at the county club (missing would be a bad idea). FML again...
[Rant/Rave] Just had one of the worst binges in a while
/u/remmyowlbean
Created: Tue Sep 18 23:16:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h2df8/just_had_one_of_the_worst_binges_in_a_while/
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I’ve been doing so good the past week. I lost 7 pounds and was making good headway doing IF.
But nope! Fuck me, time to ruin everything I worked on.
Why do I always do this?
[Discussion] Which enlightened flavors taste good?
/u/elevenbravo274 [5'7 | 110 | 17 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 18 23:09:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h2c1t/which_enlightened_flavors_taste_good/
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I had a bad experience with enlightened this summer, I think I got one that had oatmeal in the name, but it tasted pretty weird/chemically to me. However tomorrow I’m going to a place that sells it (and not halo top) and I’m willing to give it a second try. are there flavors you guys enjoy?
[Rant/Rave] love yom kippur
/u/InLoveWithStyrofoam [5'5" | 104.6lbs | GW: 100 | Female]
Created: Tue Sep 18 22:35:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h24v6/love_yom_kippur/
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my sins include binging
jokes aside, this is the first yom kippur i’ve has an ed for so i’m antsy about how i’m gonna take it mentally :/
[Help] God I hate myself
/u/nekkedpebbl [5'2.25🌻103.8lbs🌻-12.2]
Created: Tue Sep 18 22:31:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h2419/god_i_hate_myself/
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Hey it’s me again from the post about the amazing whoosh the other day. Remember how I said hopefully I don’t fuck it up by binging??
Yeah. I fucked it up. 107.8 as of this evening. Yeet. Fuck me. 4 lbs in 3 days... but the thing is I don’t even feel like I’m binging that much, just eating slightly below maintenance. I fucking hate myself.
Idk. Help me? How to not be a fatass? Thanks. Sorry for bothering y’all.
Working on while restricting
/u/Poopburb
Created: Tue Sep 18 22:04:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h1xp3/working_on_while_restricting/
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I workout with HIIT hour and 15 minute classes 6 days a week. I only eat the bare minimum amount of calories so that I can workout and not pass out. Sometimes it’s really hard and I feel guilty for even eating. Does anyone else ever feel like this or have tips??
[Help] smoking and vitamins
/u/isitafullmoon
Created: Tue Sep 18 21:51:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h1unb/smoking_and_vitamins/
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so i'm not too sure what's going on right now- i smoked (weed not cigs) for the first time in a while and i felt fine until i took vitamins and i started to get hot flashes and nausea. i've been heavily restricting lately and passed out earlier. because of that i ate a little more (but not to maintenance) i just want to sleep now but maybe i should eat a little bit? should i eat to my maintenance? or am i just trippin. i also shit too and that made me feel better lmao maybe it's just because i ate.
sorry for rambling!! vitamins are weird and i'm tired
[Discussion] DAE feel fatter the longer they go without losing weight?
/u/ZygomaticArdvark [5'2" | 102.6 | BMI 18.7 | F16]
Created: Tue Sep 18 21:39:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h1rmk/dae_feel_fatter_the_longer_they_go_without_losing/
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Like I've been hovering around 102lbs for a couple of weeks (purposefully) and it feels like the longer I'm at this weight, the more unsatisfied I am and the fatter I feel. I remember when I first got to 102 I actually felt *small* and was sort of happy with how I looked. But now that I've been here for a while, I just feel huge. The urge to lose more weight gets stronger daily and I'm starting to feel desperate to get smaller, even though I haven't gained anything and losing more weight would put my health at risk.
​
Has anyone else experienced something like this?
[Rant/Rave] Just purged for the first time in 4 years.
/u/inkwelldreams
Created: Tue Sep 18 21:30:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h1pkn/just_purged_for_the_first_time_in_4_years/
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Fuck this and *fuck* recovery.
All throughout high school, I was stuck in a really bad cycle of restricting then binging/purging. I finally recovered when I was 17, and in the process of recovering went from 110 to 150. (I'm 5'4"). I lost some of the weight healthily at first and settled at 130, but in the past 4 months I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years and have felt myself slipping into old habits. I didn't want to admit to myself I was going under again. But I've lost 11 pounds in 2 months and my body dysmorphia is back with a vengeance. I look exactly the same to myself as I did at 150 - bloated, flabby, and disgusting.
Today I saved my 600 calories for dinner but after I ate I felt so bloated I couldn't bear it...so I purged. I can't ignore this anymore. I'm falling back down the rabbit hole. And the worst part is, I have *no one* to talk about it with.
I've been too afraid to do anything but lurk on this sub because I felt like posting would really make it impossible for me to pretend I'm recovered but now that I can admit my eating disorder is back, I could really use some support. <3
Imagining The Big Reveal
/u/PolitelySuicidal [5'7" | 131.6 | GW <90 | UGW dead lol | 20F]
Created: Tue Sep 18 20:58:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h1hmv/imagining_the_big_reveal/
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I just can't stop thinking about the big reveal when I finally take off my sweater and show Her how much weight I've lost. What's really fucked up is that I know she won't like it, She'll worry about me, but that's kind of what I want, I guess?
It won't be for a while, probably not until next semester. Even if I eat less than 300 calories a day and never binge (both of which are impossible, because I sometimes live with my parents and always binge), I would only hit 100 by our last class together. And I want to be *really*, ***really*** skinny, less than 90 lbs.
And actually it won't happen ever at all because this is just some sick fucking diseased fantasy, but it's the only way I can get to sleep at night. Thinking that She'll worry about my weightloss and that'll prove she cares. The truth is that if I ever get near my goal weight I'll be hospitalized and I'll have to move in back with my parents full time. So fuck this.
[Other] I had a slice of pizza...
/u/ohdarlingyourefucked
Created: Tue Sep 18 20:44:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h1e2w/i_had_a_slice_of_pizza/
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For the sake of everyone around me. I was hungry and had a massive headache and man was I grumpy. Like “breathe around me and I’ll kill you” grumpy 😂 I’m disappointed that I had to eat it. My head still hurts but I’m not as angry as I was. 🤷🏻♀️ I’m just thankful I was able to stop at that and not have it turn into a full blown binge like it usually does.
Anyone else have gross binge dreams?
/u/celestialmermaid
Created: Tue Sep 18 20:44:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h1e1g/anyone_else_have_gross_binge_dreams/
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Hey there! First time poster but long time lurker.
My bulimia used to be pretty bad but now it's just the occasional purge with waaay too much binging and then restricting to make up for my bad decisions.
Anyways, last night I had a disgusting dream about chugging chocolate milk and just eating an entire chocolate cake, barely even swallowing just shoveling the food into my mouth lol. And then in my dream I fully intended to throw it all up but I never did and woke up feeling so stressed and guilty :( At least it helped curb any chocolate cravings today lol.
[Discussion] Breaking a Routine
/u/its_freaking_bats [5'7" | CW 125 | BMI 19.6 | GW 120 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 18 20:36:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h1c4c/breaking_a_routine/
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Where the majority of us are control freaks, I’m sure a lot of us can appreciate how difficult it is to change an eating schedule once we get into it.
All summer I was eating a 300 cal a day OMAD (except for the days I shamefully binged) at around 7PM. Now that I’m back in school I’m finding that absolutely impossible. I upped my intake to 600 a day OMAD at 7PM but found myself starving to the point of being useless by lunchtime at school. SO I then had to spread out my calories to allow myself to eat at lunch as well.
This upset in my routine definitely led to a couple of binge days this month. Eating in the middle of the day definitely triggered me to just keep eating. Also during the first few days when I had no food with me at lunch I would be so hungry I would run and grab whatever was at the cafeteria (usually high calorie) which would then lead me to binge.
I’ve finally settled into my new routine (although I’m suffering from insomnia due to restricting) and hopefully can limit any binges. I just wanted to write this in case anyone else is currently struggling with getting into a new routine and could relate.
[Help] Asexual here, trying to understand the connection between this and my body image issues
/u/thinsponeeded [5'6.5" | 111 | 17.6 | GW: 105 | F | LW: 109]
Created: Tue Sep 18 20:22:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h18nx/asexual_here_trying_to_understand_the_connection/
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So after 3+ years, I've finally understood that I'm ace (maaaybe gray ace, but jury's still out on that), and I'm realizing it's deeply tied to my relationship with appearance. Kinda want to hear from other asexual peeps if you're out there?
​
I used to think I wanted to be sexy, attractive, but I actually cringe when I realize people find me sexually attractive (part of how I realized with asexual), BUT it's part of why I don't want to be heavier. I don't want to be sexy, I don't want to be super curvy. I want to have a tiny waist, but I just want to be tiny. I don't mind being thought of childlike, because children aren't sexy. I want the descriptors of elegant, graceful, willowy, ethereal, mysterious, etc., but NOTHING related to sex, and in my head, the only way to achieve this is by being slimmer.
I'm still trying to figure out all these emotions, so I'd really love to hear from anyone else in a similar situation...
[Discussion] your best compliment/motivation ever?
/u/strugglesbus [5'1" | 52.4 kgs | GW: 47 kgs | SW: 60.3 kgs | 18F]
Created: Tue Sep 18 20:08:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h14w6/your_best_complimentmotivation_ever/
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My brother usually calls me fat and a pig all the time and it was part of the reason I started having a disordered mindset. Today for the first time ever, without me even bringing up the topic, he told me I lost a lot of weight and that my legs look like sticks (was going to eat packet of instant oats since I fasted all day but I suddenly felt sick like his comment made me not want to eat). I'm so happy because it means my hard work is paying off.
What are some compliments that motivate you or anything for that matter?
How did 'I just want to feel pretty' turn into 'I hate myself so I hope my body suffers'
/u/glossboy [5'2 | CW:😷 | GW:94 |-29 | 🍑: glossboy]
Created: Tue Sep 18 20:00:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h12nw/how_did_i_just_want_to_feel_pretty_turn_into_i/
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Ever since high school I've only ever wanted one thing and that was to be skinny enough to fit in all the clothes I could never pull off or have the confidence to. Come college and a little weight-loss experiment fucked me over real bad when I found out the true "secret" to losing weight (lmao) a.k.a starvation mode is bullshit type of deal. For a good while I kept telling myself, okay this is definitely *bad*, but I can take comfort in it for a while and just leave it when I'm satisfied. Boy was I fucking wrong! Looking in the mirror is such a numbing experience. I don't even hate the way my body looks nor do I like it, it's just *there*. What started off as vanity goals turned into "this is how much I fucking hate myself so you don't deserve food," "I'm suffering mentally but people can't see that so I might as well do something to show for it!"
What the fuck! ! ! Lmao I've realized at this point it feels like there's no turning back. I played myself!
need an excuse to fast?
/u/ariana1234567890
Created: Tue Sep 18 19:59:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h12l7/need_an_excuse_to_fast/
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yom kippur!!!
tzom kal my fellow jews and anyone else fasting for any reason❤️
Anyone else have social anxiety in addition to ED?
/u/KhomaBrutI [5'6" | CW: 150 | GW: 110 | 24F]
Created: Tue Sep 18 19:54:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h11av/anyone_else_have_social_anxiety_in_addition_to_ed/
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So on top of being unable to make friends and function socially, I've never had a boyfriend. I'm 24, so people in my family are starting to ask about why I'm not dating. The truth is that I feel so anxious at the thought of a guy being anywhere near me because I hate how fat I am. Every time I see a guy, I look at his legs and hate the fact that they're thinner than mine. Even at my thinnest, I remember comparing my thighs to a male classmate's and feeling sick over how thin he was in comparison to me. I don't even look men in the face because I *don't* want to find them attractive (and want to avoid attention) because I know I'm too fat, too awkward, too pathetic and dysfunctional to be with an attractive, well-adjusted person. And to me, *anyone* except me is a attractive, well-adjusted person. How screwy is that?
It's especially bad right now because I'm the fattest I've ever been. It's all depression and binge weight--I started bingeing back in 2013 when I was super isolated, and every time I feel particularly socially inept/rejected, I binge. It used to stay in check because I do work out like a fiend (12 miles today, glad about that at least!), but now it's just not producing the same results anymore.
This is kind of rambling, but I just needed to get this off my chest. The social anxiety/depression subreddits are full of people being like "Exercise and dress well! It gets better!" And I'm like, yeah, I do both of those things, but it really doesn't get better. Nothing ever changes. Rationally, I know I'm not a total monster. But I always feel just awful about the way I look, and I feel so anxious when a guy talks to me, I actually throw up (bonus, I guess). I have been isolated for so long, I don't know what to do or how anything will ever change.
[Discussion] Damned if I weigh, damned if I don’t.
/u/edthrowaway12121
Created: Tue Sep 18 19:47:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h0zfo/damned_if_i_weigh_damned_if_i_dont/
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Weigh myself every single morning until I reach a goal weight is good and all, but for some reason, the second I feel my goal weight, I BINGE
Decide to step away from the scale and promise to weigh myself one day a week, and ... I BINGE
The question is, which is better? I feel like when I weigh daily, if I can just push through that mental block of feeling like I can treat myself after reaching my goal weight I’d be much less likely to binge. When I stop weighing daily, I get less triggered by a slight scale fluctuation, but I also feel like I can binge and suffer no consequences the next day cause I can just ‘restrict hard’ (lol I won’t)
What do you do?
[Discussion] DAE feel like they don't look like their weight?
/u/peanutbutter_monster [5'6 |CW: 108|GW: 105| Female]
Created: Tue Sep 18 19:43:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h0ybg/dae_feel_like_they_dont_look_like_their_weight/
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So despite seeing the numbers go down bit by bit I somehow look fat/fatter? And looking at other people with similar stats it seems like they look thinner than I do right now… Can't tell if its cuz I have light bones or like literally no muscle **🙃🙃🙃** (or maybe my scale is lying) when did you guys feel like you finally started looking 'skinny'?
DP;DR that directly correlates with ED relapse?
/u/xz8362614455921r [5'2.5" | CW: 109lbs | GW: 84lbs | 26y/o]
Created: Tue Sep 18 19:34:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h0vzm/dpdr_that_directly_correlates_with_ed_relapse/
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Can't flair b/c mobile, but wanted to start a discussion on this as I'm wondering how common it is??
Contrary to what I see on a lot of ED pages, when I'm deep into my relapse/restriction phases, I tend to, uh....spiral out of my body? Lol. Like, yes, my goals on the surface are for a smaller (see: nonexistent) body.
However, the more intensely I restrict (or even the longer I stick to "high restriction"), the further I feel from my own physical body.
Anyone else get this way, or am I just nuts haha?
I'm way more prone to episodes of: deja vu, "out of body" experiences (like watching myself do things from a distance), feeling depersonalized/fake, and....well, Idk how to describe it, but just not being "here" anymore!
I'm curious about others' stories or input relating to this! Thanks! xo
[Rant/Rave] Work rant
/u/siempremequejo
Created: Tue Sep 18 19:32:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h0vdi/work_rant/
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One of my coworkers asked for weight loss advice (I used to weigh 250lbs) then she said something like “we kinda look like the same weight” I got very offended, then she got mad at me. I weigh around 140-150. She admits she weighs around 200+ but says she “doesn’t look it”. She openly admits she doesn’t look like she weighs less than 170 and yet she doesn’t get why I’m offended and says I’m just calling her fat???? Ugh and everyone else agrees with her and says that I’m just being mean by saying I don’t look like I weigh 200lbs?
[Help] Will the negative voices ever stop?
/u/katya_del_rey
Created: Tue Sep 18 19:29:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h0uhp/will_the_negative_voices_ever_stop/
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I’ve been trying to overcome that aspect of my ED for a while now, but whenever I seem to be making progress of some sort, I end up snapping and regressing back into my old mindset.
Like today. I looked in the mirror and it seemed the voices just overcame me truly out of nowhere. I wasn’t even in an upset or sad mood, I was actually quite excited for the day. But then those horrible voices began. I’ve been doing good all week, but now I just can’t stop thinking about how much I must’ve ate this past week or how little exercise I did in comparison to past weeks.
I feel hopeless. I felt that therapy would help me, but I can’t get these fucking voices to stop. I feel genuinely trapped in a situation I really do not want to be in. Is there any hope in getting rid of these negative voices or am I stuck having to deal with this for the rest of my life?
[Rant/Rave] I feel like I’ll never get to my goal weight
/u/citrus_juuiice
Created: Tue Sep 18 19:26:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h0ttk/i_feel_like_ill_never_get_to_my_goal_weight/
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Right now I’m between 116 and 114. My goal is 100-110. I need to lose 4-6 pounds but they won’t budge. I feel as though I’ll be stuck this way forever.
[Help] Keep wanting to purge
/u/mikhuy [5' 0'' | CW 105 | BMI 20.5 | GW 95lbs | F21]
Created: Tue Sep 18 19:24:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h0t7g/keep_wanting_to_purge/
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I think it's due to stress (just went back to college) and I keep having the urges to purge. This past summer I did really well and didn't even really think about it. However, now every time I eat a sizable meal my first thought is to go and purge. Anyone have any tips on how to not let your stress effect your ED???
[Help] liquid fast- tips?
/u/lightningmcqueef69 [5'5.5" | 114.6lbs | 18.78 | 18 | enby 💛]
Created: Tue Sep 18 19:19:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h0rwz/liquid_fast_tips/
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i'm planning on starting a liquid fast/diet asap because i have an event at the beginning of october that i desperately want to lose weight for. so far on my shopping list i have:
-low carb protein powder
-frozen strawberries (for smoothies)
-electrolyte drinks (powerade zero, nuun tabs, hi-lyte drops)
-0 cal energy drinks and sodas
-teas
-broth
-???? what else can i add that's not high carb or calorie dense,,, i want some variety but im kinda nervous already bc i'm not used to drinking calories in the first place
tia 💖
[rant] Realizations
/u/shrinkinq
Created: Tue Sep 18 19:15:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h0qpp/rant_realizations/
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Went to therapy today. The therapist kind of made me realise everything for me was about food and weight and like even my relationships with people are based off how worthy I feel I am from what I eat/weigh/etc. and her challenge to me is not to talk about numbers/weight/etc.... well the same day after I came home I was thinking and I just... don’t really have friends anymore. I feel like I’m really annoying and ugly and I’m a really bad friend. I don’t really have anybody to talk to. Anyway, after I realised that, I went to check on my one remaining “I talk to this person everyday” person and she basically made it clear she doesn’t really want to be my person anymore. In her words “I don’t really know how to be your friend” and “stop throwing a pity party, I know I do this all the time, but you’re fine. Stop.” And then she basically said it was unfair to her that I said I understand she needs a break and I’ll be here if she wants to talk later.... and like I don’t know what I did wrong other than kind of talking about my own feelings for once. Anyway this just feels like a lot for one day and I’m struggling and I feel worthless and annoying and awful and just.... like a literal trash bag.
Sorry if this doesn’t make sense. Sorry I’m being selfish. I’m like on the verge of crying and I just don’t know how to cope. God I need a fucking hug.
[Rant/Rave] Getting weighed at a podiatrist appt
/u/sellie41434
Created: Tue Sep 18 19:06:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h0oik/getting_weighed_at_a_podiatrist_appt/
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Y'all so I went to the podiatrist earlier because I tend to roll my ankles inwards while standing and my mom is worried it'll mess with my posture. Once they called me in to see the nurse she weighed me. This was a particularly stressful weighing because I was fully clothed and I had just eaten a huge portion of soup (96 calories for the whole pot of soup, a lot of broth) and I weighed 6 lbs over since last week (which is a load of bullshit because I've been eating at most 700 cals at the least 100 cals every day). Anyways, I ended up having an anxiety attack in front of my dad and I think he's getting suspicious of me
Unemployed again and relapsing.
/u/Gutterslutcunt
Created: Tue Sep 18 19:05:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h0o27/unemployed_again_and_relapsing/
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I feel so guilty.
My fiance is trying to transition to working part time and I don't have any work again which is going to make it impossible.
Why can't something go right in my life for once?
The worst thing is it's all my fault. The workplace had space for me but after having me for a semester they decided I was too inexperienced and hired someone else.
Fuck me. I suck.
I just purged today.
/u/wrappedinlust
Created: Tue Sep 18 19:03:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h0njm/i_just_purged_today/
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Its the first time i do it. I was behaving so well, i didnt eat anything all day... until i binged. I ate approximately 1800 calories. I felt defeated. So i purged. I took a toothbrush and puked. I couldnt puke everything i ate, i saw blood. How am i supposed to know when i puke it all? Is the blood normal?
[Other] my omad — cant wait to die from lack of vitamins 🙃
/u/crossdressingcarp
Created: Tue Sep 18 19:02:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h0nbq/my_omad_cant_wait_to_die_from_lack_of_vitamins/
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https://i.redd.it/5dg2spr0h3n11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] Drug abuse and ED's... a rant.
/u/Invisiblimp
Created: Tue Sep 18 18:57:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h0m2p/drug_abuse_and_eds_a_rant/
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Idk wtf I'm doing. Probably going to have a heart attack, or seizure, or both. Maybe lose my job for passing out on site or for being a crazy person amped up on shit. Completely aware of how ridiculous this is and yet ZERO desire to stop. Got a certain psychiatric med off books, and every over the counter option possible. Wonder how long it is before I walk through my gateway drugs to the harder alternatives...
Bottom line: My appetite is DEAD and I probably will be soon. Yipee.
As always, any stories to feel less alone are very much welcome.
My binge haul for tonight
/u/IndependentAstronaut
Created: Tue Sep 18 18:33:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h0fmr/my_binge_haul_for_tonight/
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Liquids
-473ml of 1% strawberry milk ~320 cal (bad at math folks)
-720ml of the Fruit Punch Powerade 150 cal
-1 litre of 2% milk 520 cal
-375 ml of raspberry Smirnoff 775 cal
-50 ml of Baileys 175 cal
Solids
-Mr. Noodles Bowl 110g 500 cal
-Miss Vickie's 66g 350 cal
-Ben and Jerry's Half baked 1160 cal
-Oreos ~1450
Ciggies
Total: 5400
Now let's eat as much as fast as I can until I can binge and throw it out into the garbage bin on the street so no one will see the waste.
Here's to never doing this again.
DEA watch documentaries and videos about eating disorders to convince themselves they're not that bad?
/u/lunasouseiseki [180cm | 77kg | 23.8 | -10kg | F:snoo_shrug:]
Created: Tue Sep 18 18:31:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h0ez8/dea_watch_documentaries_and_videos_about_eating/
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These videos always have the extreme. The woman admitted to hospital. The girls that are so small and withered. Hollow eye, stringy hair, begging to get better but can't.
That isn't me. I'm meaty. I'm rolly. I don't want to get better. I don't need to get help, because I'm not *that* bad.
I have food issues.
/u/GemRocking [15F | 5'4" | Goal: 110 lb // 18.9 BMI]
Created: Tue Sep 18 18:27:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h0dz8/i_have_food_issues/
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I eat all the fucking time. I’ve always been a BMI of 23-24. Now I’m overweight, at a BMI of precisely 25 (148 pounds and a bit over 5,4”). I’ve gained 8 pounds in a few months and I’m disgusted with myself.
I eat a shit load of junk; I can’t stop. I’m practically addicted. It’s embarrassing. Everybody around me notices—even my little brother, who we used to tease for being a “bottomless pit,” is eating FAR less than I am. And he’s losing weight! My dad’s on the keto diet and he’s eating less than ever. My mom has kept a very strict diet for months now; she initially only ate 600-700 kcal a day, and is now eating maybe 1,200 a day. She’s thin now. I’m the fatass of the house, and everybody, my family and my friends, all know it.
I hate my body so much. I’m horrible to look at. My face is all chubby; I’m jiggly and thick. I just want to be fit and svelte. I want to look good in clothes, and look good fucking *naked,* even. I want to look androgynous and strong and disciplined instead of like a lazy, weak, estrogenic slobber excuse for a dyke. I want girls to like me instead of being so repulsed by me. God, I hate myself.
I’ve got to stop eating. I have almost 40 pounds to lose. I’m done being ugly.
My Day Sucked
/u/Personal102
Created: Tue Sep 18 18:17:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h0bb4/my_day_sucked/
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(Disclaimer: I do OMAD and I always eat the same thing every night)
I got up extra early today to get a workout in because its the only time I have to exercise. My exercise was fucking awful too. I usually swim and every time I did a flip turn my vision got all distorted and my brain felt all hot, and I was struggling to stay in a straight line. Anyways, I was fasted for over 15 hours after working out (only had coffee after working out) and felt like shit all day at school (lightheaded and could barely focus). After school I had to go to work for 4 hours, and there's a lot of lifting involved there (I work at grocery store stocking shelves). I don't know how I got through all that but I did, shockingly. The entire shift the only thing on my mind was my calculated dinner of 650 calories that meets all my micro nutrient needs. After my shift all I wanted to do was go home and eat my fucking meal and watch YouTube or go on reddit or something because this is the only free time I get before my 2-3 hours of homework. This is on top of going to the library at lunch to do some homework instead of sitting there doing nothing, answering peoples dumb questions about why I'm not eating. I wish they would mind their own business. (I say it's because I'm too lazy/busy to make a meal, or that I eat after school or something dumb like that to get them to shut up)
​
When I get home though my mother however prepared a big meal for me that I couldn't track and that already made me want to cry. My entire day I just wanted my stupid, boring, bland, and disgusting meal of vegetables and to relax. However I had to sit in the kitchen while I was asked a ton of stupid questions about my shitty life, and that made me want to burst out in tears even more. I only took a little bit of the food (it wasn't very calorie dense but I wasn't going to take any risks in case she used a ton of oil or something). After one plate I tried to tell her that I wanted to go upstairs and shower and that I had a lot of homework to do, but my mom kept forcing me to eat more and more. The thing is I didn't want any more of the fucking food and just wanted to go in my room and do homework because by this rate I would already be up until 11:00 and then I'd only get like 5-6 hours of sleep. But I sat there eating more food holding back my tears and finally she let me go do my homework after she felt I ate "enough". Now I feel all fat and disgusting because I ate too much for today, so I'm going to wake up even earlier tomorrow to burn off the food and probably fast the entire day tomorrow or something because I hate myself.
​
The problem is that now she wants me to bring the leftovers to school tomorrow and I will feel like an absolute asshole throwing out her food. Realizing this when I got in my room I just broke down in tears on my bed. I don't want to eat her food, but I also don't want to let the food go to waste and just toss it out because she worked hard making it so I could enjoy it.
I don't want to enjoy it though. I just want my dumb vegetables.
​
Lost all control
/u/AntiqueStatus
Created: Tue Sep 18 17:51:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h04h6/lost_all_control/
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I used to be able to restrict heavily. I loved the feeling of being empty.
Then I went on a 6 month binge of beer, tequila and fast food and gained almost 20 pounds.
I've been trying to restrict and minimize my drinking for 4 months now and I haven't lost that much weight. I have a hard time restricting now and I feel completely controlled by food.
[Rant/Rave] i'm so messed up
/u/happyplantlover [5'8 | CW:114lbs | GW: 112lbs | -25 lbs | F20]
Created: Tue Sep 18 17:50:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h0434/im_so_messed_up/
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This may be long...
Lately I have been coming to realizations about my health. I have realized that I am wasting away. I am missing out on opportunities to make great memories with my loved ones and friends because I am afraid of so many foods. I realized that in one week I will have not had my period in 1 year and 2 months. I have realized that I am scared. I worry that I will not be able to have children when I want to. I fear that my low body fat percentage will contribute to a higher likelihood of early death. I am aware of so many of the awful effects that this lifestyle is having on my body; a fully-functioning and entirely capable body that I should be honored and grateful to have. When I decide to start consuming more calories, I begin to enter panic mode and have breakdowns about all of the extra calories I am eating. I don't want to gain weight but at the same time I know it will be good for me. I love feeling my collarbones and checking my ab muscles for definition. I thrive off of caffeine and apples and rice cakes, yet I know that I need to have a more balanced diet. I am in turmoil, and my happiness is dwindling. I fear that I will regret spending my twenties in this never-ending cycle of self-hate and starvation. I want to be better, but I just can't.
That's all
[Rant/Rave] DAE think laxatives make them more hungry?
/u/Yourtiming [Height 5'3 | CW 110| BMI| Weight Lost 15lbs| Gender F]
Created: Tue Sep 18 17:44:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9h02i0/dae_think_laxatives_make_them_more_hungry/
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Idk why but after having laxatives or a big 💩 in general I feel like I’m hungry afterwards. Maybe it’s just in my head but I took laxatives today and I’m feeling so hungryyy
[Rant/Rave] realizations and imperfections
/u/sugarpiIl [5’4 • 194.4 • F]
Created: Tue Sep 18 17:33:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gzzlt/realizations_and_imperfections/
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i feel like i will never be skinny sometimes.
my weight loss feels slow though it is anything but, even if i was restricting the “healthy” way i would be 30 lbs lighter than i am now by january which is crazy in itself.
The way i am restricting now will leave me under 160 by january regardless. This fasting and exercise will just bring me well below that. I could very well be 100 lbs by my birthday next year. Its crazy to think about.
I am so focused and I need this. I cannot believe how all consuming this disorder is. I wake up and eat foods I dont like but know I should and take pictures of every part of myself I hate.
I was never skinny I was average at my lowest weight and I never cared. What I would give to go back to that. But there is no longing. Taking everything a day at a time helps. I hope one day I feel okay eating over 1000 calories again. Im rambling I just realized that even if I am not a lot smaller right now I will be closer to being the tiny girl ive dreamed of being someday.
Today's fast.
/u/astorysofar
Created: Tue Sep 18 17:10:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gzt7m/todays_fast/
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https://v.redd.it/334tmlhjw0n11
[Help] I hate my body, I’ve fasted for 2 days and thus far it’s stuck at 116
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | CW: 114 | GW:105 | UGW 100 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 18 17:10:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gzt1k/i_hate_my_body_ive_fasted_for_2_days_and_thus_far/
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How do I cope with this? Like I’ve literally not eaten for 48 hours and my body hasn’t rewarded me yet. I hate my body, it’s out against me. And tomorrow I have to eat with my boyfriend. Which means I’ll just gain more. I hate this so much.
[Rant/Rave] All my targeted ads on social media are for workout gear, weight loss aids/protein shakes .. and Better Help
/u/RosenWeiss9 [5'3.5 | CW 118 | GW 104 | LW 107 | F26 ]
Created: Tue Sep 18 17:01:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gzqh7/all_my_targeted_ads_on_social_media_are_for/
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Thanks internet also fuck you.
[Rant/Rave] Who else turns into an endless pit during their period??!!
/u/speedayyyy [5’7 | CW 171 | BMI 26 | GW 120 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 18 17:01:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gzqd6/who_else_turns_into_an_endless_pit_during_their/
---
My period is starting this week, I can feel it and I’m bleeding a little. I’ve been an endless fucking pit. Still eating under 1,200 calories the past two days but I’ve been so good at restricting to 500 a day or less lately so I’m frustrated. I am just SOOOO hungry. Any time I get my period, I’m always extremely hungry and extremely exhausted. Plus, I also weigh a ridiculous amount more! Five pounds heavier yesterday and I am bloated up like a damn balloon. I haven’t even weighed myself today because I know it’ll cause me to have a full blown panic attack and I’m already extremely anxious right now. Also very hungry. Pls save me. Rice cakes aren’t cutting it right now. I just want pizza and a greasy ass burger with a milkshake. /sobs
[Discussion] dae feel angry about not having a gag reflex
/u/lightningmcqueef69 [5'5.5" | 114.6lbs | 18.78 | 18 | enby 💛]
Created: Tue Sep 18 16:41:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gzkoa/dae_feel_angry_about_not_having_a_gag_reflex/
---
so on top of feeling like shit from binging the past 3 days it turns out i have a stomach virus. which is like, cool i can get all the garbage out, but fuck man. i wish i could purge. i know that's fucked up, but i can only throw up if my body does it by itself. i've tried and tried and tried and i just... can't? make myself? my body refuses to puke unless i'm seriously ill.
[Rant/Rave] Boyfriend asked me why I looked so skinny
/u/shonamairead [5'6 | CW 140lbs | GW1 - 120 | -20lbs | F]
Created: Tue Sep 18 16:40:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gzkil/boyfriend_asked_me_why_i_looked_so_skinny/
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I feel so good!!! Especially since I’ve been in a crazy binge spiral for the past 2 weeks??? I feel like I’m a lot heavier than my flair says rn but I haven’t weighed myself until I know I’m back down to 140 at least. But yeah, he asked why I looked so skinny and said soon I’ll be skin and bone. Internally I was like yep that’s the goal lmao
My boyfriend is going to know I binged
/u/imgital [5'4 | too big | F]
Created: Tue Sep 18 16:38:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gzjz0/my_boyfriend_is_going_to_know_i_binged/
---
Fuck.
Yesterday I bought one of boxes of 16 mini brownies from the grocery store. Why? Because I just loooove to sabotage myself.
Right now there are only 4 of them left. My boyfriend ate 2 or 3 of them, but I ate all the rest. And now he's going to come home and see that I ate ALL of the brownies. And he'll probably make another comment about how consuming that much sugar is gross and I have to watch out because I might get diabetes.
He knows about my past with my ED, but he still says this stuff because I don't think he realizes that this is part of it. UGH he's going to be so grossed out by me and see that I have zero self control :( I can't really hide the box of the remaining brownies because he already knows about them.
WHY DID I DO THIS. Ugh I'm so close to being my lowest in a couple years and then I do shit like this.
To anyone else observing Yom Kippur
/u/whydiepizzapie
Created: Tue Sep 18 16:30:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gzhkm/to_anyone_else_observing_yom_kippur/
---
I have no idea how many other Jews are on this subject but I needed to get this out.
Yom Kippur is a complicated day for me. As my community fasts (no water, no food, no sex for 25 hours) to atone for our sins, I often feel so guilty. Fasting is not spiritual for me anymore, it's compulsive and destructive. I silently and shamefully love that I don't have to hide that I'm not eating on this day. It feels so good to be able to fully participate in this one day when normally my Jewish life is so focused on food. But I know when I fast, I'm not doing it for the right reasons, and that hurts me and my community.
This is the day in the Jewish calendar where our fates are sealed for the next year. We are either written in the book of Life, or the book of death. For the better part of a decade, I've feared every year which book I would be written in. This is not what this day is about.
There isn't really a purpose to this rant, except to say to everyone - Jewish or not, G'mar chatima tova -may you be inscribed in the book of Life for this next year, and may it be a year of health and healing.
[Rant/Rave] So... I hate every aspect of my life at this point
/u/slightlyannoyed0 [5'5 | CW:120 | GW:105| UGW: 90]
Created: Tue Sep 18 16:30:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gzhim/so_i_hate_every_aspect_of_my_life_at_this_point/
---
This is going to be PATHETIC
I can't stand looking at myself in the mirror anymore, I don't want to look like myself, I just want to be extremely skinny and tall. I have stopped looking in the mirrors all the time because I am so ashamed of how I look. My therapist thinks I have an eating disorder again... but not anorexia since you apparently have to be "skin and bones to fit the major criteria". That's all I want to be, skin and bones, bones and skin. Skinny enough to see every bone in my fucking body. But hey.. at least there's more to me than my weight and shortness. Wait... NO THERE ISN'T.
What upsets people the most is when I am asked to write a list of things I hate about myself on one side of the paper, and things I like about myself on the other. There is always so much to add to the side of what I hate about myself, I even had to get 2 more front/back pages of paper, but nothing was on what I like about myself. I am ashamed of my eyes, even though I used to be complimented on them (that was until I started pushing people away who gave me compliments), there is no beautiful aspect about me. I have told myself so many times how disgusting I look to the point of actually believing what I tell myself. I might look like a decent 1/10, but then I get self-conscious when I see someone who is so gorgeous and skinnier than me.
There was a girl I used to be best friends with, "ugly duckling" and had barely any friends when we were young, and now she is stunning and popular and I get so jealous to the point of where I call her ugly, which is ANOTHER bad trait about me, time to add that to my list.
And it seems like I'm throwing a pity-party only for me since I was the only one invited, but I don't want empathy, I just want to know that I'm not alone in self-hatred and loneliness.
I am actually alone. I don't really have any friends, they've all floated away over the summer and we lost contact. I sit in a teacher's room during lunch to avoid the cafeteria and eating and the people who I used to consider good friends. I'm not popular or in any sport, I'm not the captain of the volleyball team or pitcher for varsity softball. I just feel like such a fucking failure.
There are people who have a life so much worse than mine, I think about that every day, and it makes me feel worse to even feel like this.
I feel like such a failure, and just by living makes me feel even worse.
Does anyone else feel like this? Hopefully I'm not alone in this situation at least...
Sorry for the long post
(I usually don't sound like a whiny 10 year old, but when I'm depressed, I start responding like one)
[Discussion] Still heavy, anyone else?
/u/sydneyrenee12
Created: Tue Sep 18 16:25:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gzg82/still_heavy_anyone_else/
---
Ive been heavy restricting, fasting, and purging over the past month. Before this i was doing keto.. im a heavy girl 5'6, 204lbs .. anyone else heavy in here still? I see a bunch of posts but not many girls that are still my size... anyone start off this big and then get down?
Ive had an ED before i had kids and I started much smaller so I feel like im almost afraid im too big and its too late
Any other alcoholics here?
/u/PinkyOutYo [170cm | CW: 46.0kg | 15.9 | GW: 45kg | Female]
Created: Tue Sep 18 16:12:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gzc90/any_other_alcoholics_here/
---
I mean, I'm not an actual alcoholic, although I was in my three-bottles-of-wine-a-day phase. Just, is there anyone else here that has a drinking problem alongside their ED? I feel so alone.
Skipped lunch date with a new friend
/u/starvy_punk
Created: Tue Sep 18 15:48:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gz58b/skipped_lunch_date_with_a_new_friend/
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Why does it always have to being going to grab food. Let's hang out and.....eat? Ugghhh
I posted a couple days ago in proedmemes asking for help finding some korean food that fits my needs, cause i was meeting a friend for lunch. Well, i was supposed to anyway. But the menu had nothing. No serving sizes, no nutritional info.
How am I supposed to try a new food if i dont know what it's going to do to me?
So I bailed. Now thwyre understandably upset, but honestly I dont really care. I dont want to meet up just to fucking eat, i dont want to eat, i dont want to eat 😒
So yeah, i think I kinda messed thup up.
Yeeet.
[Help] Is yogurt safe?
/u/LumosErin [5'5.5" | 131-132 | 21.5-21.6 | GW: 115-120 | 20F]
Created: Tue Sep 18 15:39:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gz2i5/is_yogurt_safe/
---
As I wrote in my last post, I may have to forgo my usual OMAD at 6:15 pm bc my body is getting used to a new wake-up schedule. The dining halls on my campus are open at terrible hours and I have class from 8-10, workout between 10:30-11:30 and then class from 12:30-3 ish every day.
There is an Einstein Bros on campus and the most healthy snacky-snack I can see besides a salad is a yogurt parfait. Maybe if I just eat the yogurt as is without the fixings maybe it’s less calories? Idk but I really don’t eat dairy anymore so I’m apprehensive about reintroducing it in my diet.
Any yogurt loving ED folks finding success in this?
[Help] Don't know what to do
/u/coffeeandcamels [5"4.5 | 17.2 | CW: 102 | UGW: 90]
Created: Tue Sep 18 15:32:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gz0gy/dont_know_what_to_do/
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So I've been struggling with c/s for a while and I've recently been trying to stop. It's so hard and I keep screwing up so then I'm like "well the day is ruined so it doesn't matter now"
I was planning on eating more today and not chewing and spitting (normal dinner of broccoli and cauliflower, then a quest bar or something higher calorie like that rather than yogurt or sugar free jello or whatever) and I was doing great until I got home from classes. I didn't do it as much, just a couple of cookies, but I was super stressed about multiple things so I just went for my coping mechanism which is chewing and spitting.
I don't know what to do. Do I eat what I planned and hope to god I don't gain weight since my body is so screwed up? Do I eat what I usually have and start fresh tomorrow? I'm just a mess and no one gets any of this except for y'all. Why is it so hard to just eat more low calorie stuff instead of chewing and spitting?
My goal is to lose 12 pounds (more ideally, 15) by Thanksgiving/Christmas. I've stalled losing weight and am hoping for a whoosh, but I know I'd lose faster if I stopped c/s. I'm just so stressed and tired and want to uhh cry so thanks for reading my rant!!!
Getting off the pill
/u/cancookaroast [179cm | CW: 80kg | BMI: 24.9 | WL: 17kg | 22F]
Created: Tue Sep 18 15:30:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gyzyg/getting_off_the_pill/
---
Yesterday I got an IUD inserted because I'm sick as frick of the pill.
When I first started taking the pill I gained a lot of weight. Will it be easier for me to lose weight now? Or will it be much the same? Has anyone else done this?
Ughhh, plumber coming Friday AM.
/u/dorisholliday
Created: Tue Sep 18 15:23:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gyxx9/ughhh_plumber_coming_friday_am/
---
Okay long story:
We've been having trouble with our toilet in the master bath for a bit over a year now... and I can only suspect why, but I hope I'm wrong.
We've had the plumbers come out a handful of times and they always say it's clay that's clogging the pipes under the house because the house is old and the foundation is settling. Landlord had someone come out to check the foundation and it's fine. So then he had some plumbers come and send a camera down the pipes to see what's up-- the plumbers said there are breaks in the pipes because they're old and cheap. This was a couple months ago. Yesterday the landlord called because he wants them to come AGAIN and redo the camera stuff. (He really doesn't want it to be the pipes because it'll be expensive to fix; I think he's trying to find a way to blame us so he doesn't have to pay for it?)
So obviously I'm terrified they're just going to find massive amounts of vom in the pipes and it's actually all my fault that we've had such bad plumbing problems. We also have problems with just tubs and sinks draining poorly.
Anyone experienced something similar before? Any ED'ed plumbers around here? Are they gonna find just tons of puke??
IM messages for ED support
/u/Phasianida
Created: Tue Sep 18 15:23:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gyxtq/im_messages_for_ed_support/
---
New to ProED and looking for people who can support me through IM.
I have
Discord
Kik
Facebook messenger
I am hoping to gain support through this
Reddit
The tiny upside of getting dumped
/u/FallenLeafOnTheWind [5'8 | CW 175 | GW 120 | SW 212 | 22F]
Created: Tue Sep 18 15:22:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gyxd1/the_tiny_upside_of_getting_dumped/
---
My now-ex-boyfriend of a year-and-a-half ended the relationship because I told him that I loved him. Well, technically, he ended it because he got scared of commitment and suddenly thought he could never love me as much as he loved the chick who stomped on his heart three years ago, but y'know. Semantics.
It hurt like hell, but hey, at least I get to blame my lack of appetite on the emotions surrounding the breakup in my persistent quest to hide ol' Eddie.
Binge eating
/u/burrole
Created: Tue Sep 18 15:20:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gywv8/binge_eating/
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Hi everyone!
So since January i lost around 3 stone by restricting loads and i was really disciplined with it, but in june(ish) i just started binge eating everything, its like i have no control over it. The longest ive gone without binge eating so far is a week. I know all i need to do is NOT eat but it feels so much harder than that, and it makes me feel so awful when i do binge. Is there anyway i can get out of this cycle? All i want is to start losing weight again but at this point it's a miracle if i can just get out of this destructive mindset.
Thanks for reading! :)
[Discussion] DAE view weight as gaining or losing?
/u/dootdootoops
Created: Tue Sep 18 14:57:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gyphh/dae_view_weight_as_gaining_or_losing/
---
I’ve been taking easing back into old eating habits so I don’t binge, but I’ve been having cravings since I ate all of my calories at 12 instead of waiting until now or laterish. Went and played with Lose It’s settings to look, and maintenance for me is like 1,800 calories. What? It probably is higher since I’m about 10lbs overweight, but now I’m even more conflicted. I know eating an extra 140 calories over my limit isn’t going to stop weight loss and make me gain 5lbs, but it really feels like it will.
It still feels like if I go over even a calorie I’ll loose even the smallest bit of progress I’ve had.
Honestly can’t wait until my body gets adjusted to less calories. I’d love to be able to fast or have 600 calories in a day and feel full again. Cold when everyone else is complaining about being hot and wearing fuzzy jackets all of the time. I never realized why I was cold, but now I miss it.
Might lift some weights and see how I feel about the cupcakes.
[Rant/Rave] Why can’t I just POOP
/u/squishysponges [5’5” | SW 220 | CW 181.8 | GW 120 | 19F]
Created: Tue Sep 18 14:53:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gyo66/why_cant_i_just_poop/
---
This is gross so I’m sorry but I’m so frustrated. I’ve been eating fiber like a motherfucker. Eating 1200 a day. Taking extra fiber supplements, multivitamins, you name it. I only shit little rabbit poops this morning and I know I’m all stuffed up with food and poop because I’m like 5 lbs heavier than I should actually weigh!! I should be under 179 by now. But I’m 183!!! I hate laxatives (literally took one Friday and shit my brains out Saturday so I’m stuffed yet again from Saturday’s food onwards :-) ) and really want to avoid ex lax as long as possible but I’m. So. Mad. :-) what the fuck
[Discussion] Oh shit its happening again-
/u/BigFrameSkinnyAddict
Created: Tue Sep 18 14:49:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gyn6z/oh_shit_its_happening_again/
---
Honestly im not surprised that I relapsed. I was so happy when I thought I "finally broke through" haha... Lies. As the past 3 months have went by ive been getting worse... But now I know this is going to hit me harder than before, I know more now, more foods and ways to lose weight, ways to suppress my apitite, and overall I'm never hungry any more. I'm prepared for the next few months to be cold,shakey, and lookin like I'm about to drop dead any second
[Help] Protein powder dessert-ish recipes
/u/lilmdjd [5'3 | CW: 130 | HW: 147 | LW: 115 | 23F]
Created: Tue Sep 18 14:28:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gyghn/protein_powder_dessertish_recipes/
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Hi friends!
I have 2-300 calories left in my budget and would like something sweet tonight.
Does anyone have any dessert-y low cal/low carb recipes that you make with protein powder? I saw one for ice cream the other day but I don’t have the blender necessary to get that whipped effect , I only have a nutri-bullet.
I usually would just make a smoothie but I don’t wanna eat the fruit carbs :(
Constantly and obsessively looking in the mirror
/u/interstitialtissue
Created: Tue Sep 18 14:26:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gyfy4/constantly_and_obsessively_looking_in_the_mirror/
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I've noticed this new habit forming. Every morning I'll get up, pull my top up, look at my stomach in the mirror. Then I'll get dressed. Then I'll look at it again. Then I'll get to work and go to the toilet and look at it again. Then all night I will be going to the mirror and looking at my stomach, back, etc. Then I'll even get out of bed in the middle of the night and keep staring at my body. Hating it. Checking to see if it looks OK and it never does. It makes me cry. But I can't stop this habit. I used to have bulimia and it's starting to crop back up again. Is this obsessive looking in the mirrors thing an ED thing? Just curious if anyone else does this.
[Discussion] Self love
/u/rachelsquared
Created: Tue Sep 18 14:24:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gyf8d/self_love/
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Do you think it's possible to love yourself and still have an eating disorder?
I have moments but in general I have learned to love myself....but I still binge and purge and restrict and obsess about food.
Can you do both?
Or am I just in denial about something?
[Help] Weightloss advice needed! How to get through the plateau?
/u/casual-cabbage [5'10" | CW: 139.6 |19.94 | GW: 130 | 21F]
Created: Tue Sep 18 14:23:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gyetb/weightloss_advice_needed_how_to_get_through_the/
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Hey, guys!
I've been trying, unsuccessfully, to get into the 130 lbs. I'm pretty tall at 5'10" and this is getting into lower weight territory for me, so it's becoming so much more difficult for me. I go to the gym regularly and do both weight training and cardio around 5 times a week.
I tried to up my fiber and protein and decrease carbs and fat. That didn't work.
I tried lowering my carbs and sugar. That didn't work.
I tried replacing all not natural sugars with artificial sugars. Nope again.
I tried upping my caloric intake for a while and binging. Nope. I just gained 1-2 lbs.
What should I try? What do I do?
I'm at a size 6 right now, but I really want to lose just 8-10 lbs more. I need my BMI to be 18.5 for wiggle room. That's the ultimate goal.
Any tips on what could be stopping me from getting there?
How do you handle people taking your photo?
/u/Sqwigglefish
Created: Tue Sep 18 14:21:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gye75/how_do_you_handle_people_taking_your_photo/
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I hate how I look in photos. Always have- its really rare for me to like a photo of myself.
Yesterday my boyfriend took a photo of me - walking towards him. He was laying down on the couch and took what honestly might have been the ugliest photo of me I've ever seen. (Father was a photographer- I literally have thousands of photos of myself- mid puberty, swimsuits ect. I have seen many terrible photos of myself.)
I was having a good day- until I saw my triple chin in full force, mid conversation expression and never even mind the rest of me.
I barely kept it together- put my glasses back on and told him to delete it, explained why it was so ugly ect. He just wasn't having it- insisting it was fine ect. Tried taking more photos of me (while still laying down!!!) to convince me it was fine and I wasnt a beast (impossible).
I don't know what to do about him- I love my boyfriend and I'm positive he means well but he literally the worst photographer and if I see another candid photo like that I might have to kill myself 🙃
Do any of you have friends or family who do things like this? How do you keep it together when you see a photo that makes you want to peel off your meat suit?
[Rant/Rave] i keep posting but here’s another poem i wrote when i was high
/u/smolbeanbaby [5'2 | 132 | 24.1 | 34 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 18 14:18:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gydag/i_keep_posting_but_heres_another_poem_i_wrote/
---
he told me to breathe
and my lungs wouldn’t
cooperate, all i did
was cough up blood,
sweat, and fear, empty
dreams and lost hopes.
i bled sadness and terror,
afraid of the future like
i used to be afraid of the
dark, and in a sense it’s
the same thing because the
unknown is always terrifying.
and suddenly i puked up my
feelings, i haven’t purged in
weeks yet here i am, expelling
bile at a toilet, hunched over
like a monk at a shrine, praying
to a god i’ve never believed in.
i’ve considered the pros and cons
of numbness, and all i found were
a strong pro and some weak cons
(i’ve always valued quality over
quantity), and i exhale my emotions
and inhale it the nicotine.
When you finally go out to buy food...
/u/Lillie1990 [5’4 | CW 122.2 | GW 115 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 18 14:18:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gyd8t/when_you_finally_go_out_to_buy_food/
---
And literally cannot even wait to get home to eat it.
I couldn’t even wait a few minutes to let the halo top melt a lil like they say to. So like a true binger I busted out the cottage cheese and ate that while I was waiting for my beloved red velvet to ✨soften up✨.
Y’all.
I was cruising down the highway squeezing the damn ice cream carton directly into my mouth with a container of cottage cheese in my lap. I only stopped gorging myself to smoke a cigarette. And then purged it all when I got home. I didn’t let it ruin my day. But holy shit. What AM I. Honestly just thinking about the sight cracks me up. Sometimes I feel like such an ED posterchild lmfao.
[Rant/Rave] Disproportion dysmorphia
/u/exgfbff
Created: Tue Sep 18 14:14:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gyc4m/disproportion_dysmorphia/
---
Does anyone else suffer from intense dysmorphia due to body disproportion? Like my thighs are so massively disgusting IMO yet my waist and tummy are pretty small and I can see muscle definition/ribs/hip lines etc. Yet I can’t stop focusing on my huge jiggly disgusting thighs and it makes me super depressed. This day in age it’s like having thicc thighs and booty is hot but I HATE it. I would give anything for thin legs/thigh gap 😞
[Rant/Rave] Bf said I look skinnier!!!
/u/thingsarestranger [5’2” | CW:122.2 | GW1:115 | SW:160 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 18 14:07:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gy9x0/bf_said_i_look_skinnier/
---
I only lost 5 pounds since I last saw him (2-3 weeks) and he said I was “looking smaller than when I last saw you.” Aka skinnier!!!! I didn’t even think he would notice unless it was like 10+ pounds so the fact that he mentioned it unprovoked made me so happy. Not a rant but definitely a rave. Closer and closer to my goal. He says he thinks I’m thin enough but I feel like I’m just getting started
[Other] A Story About fasting
/u/shootingstar2 [5' 4.5"| 142 | 24.48 | ? | F]
Created: Tue Sep 18 14:05:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gy9a1/a_story_about_fasting/
---
http://geekxgirls.com/article.php?ID=3850
[Other] Who needs an S/O when both mfp and Fitbit have barcode scanning options for logging food?
/u/landfill7707
Created: Tue Sep 18 13:53:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gy5gw/who_needs_an_so_when_both_mfp_and_fitbit_have/
---
It’s all about perspective.
Issues with healing?
/u/SkinnyisSexy [5'7 |125lb|19.6|-23lb|F GW115]
Created: Tue Sep 18 13:48:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gy3v3/issues_with_healing/
---
I've always had some acne, but here lately it just won't heal. I have a great skincare routine but since restricting (always between 500-800) my marks just wont heal. Idk if I'm just picking more without realizing or what. Anyone else have issues with this? I am restarting my zinc vitamins so hopefully that helps a bit.
What workouts do you do to get lean figure? Do you lift any weights?
/u/subarremos [5'3 | CW: 99 | GW: 88]
Created: Tue Sep 18 13:44:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gy2k3/what_workouts_do_you_do_to_get_lean_figure_do_you/
---
I feel like most workout videos right now teach you how to be muscular or thick rather than lean.
do you recommend any workout or youtube/instagram person? I only follow Tessa Renee on youtube because she has that beautiful ballerina body and has good workout videos.
Anybody else have the most ridiculous swings with your ED?
/u/Internal-Panic
Created: Tue Sep 18 13:43:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gy2ed/anybody_else_have_the_most_ridiculous_swings_with/
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So, I've been swinging back and forth between restriction, binging, and bulimia for the last few years. I'm EDNOS to the max. My typical pattern is that I obsessively restrict until I feel good about the way I look, convince myself that I can eat what I want, lose control and begin binging, gain 15 lbs, begin vomiting, and then return to restricting until I start the whole cycle over again. Mild success this round though: I lost the weight and saw myself returning to binging. I ended up gaining about 5lbs, but I got myself out of the binge phase early. I'm on my second EC stack today and am officially back into fasting/restriction. Good thing is that I'll actually have the Halloween body I've always wanted and may get to dress up as a sexy whatever for my favorite holiday. Yay me. Small light in the darkness of my deteriorating mental health.
[Other] My flatmate brought me cheese and I pretended to eat it :(
/u/Catii24 [5'4" | CW: 131 | GW: 108 | Female]
Created: Tue Sep 18 13:30:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gxy7l/my_flatmate_brought_me_cheese_and_i_pretended_to/
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I feel really sad. It was super sweet of him to bring me something to eat because he knows I’m skipping meals. And he brought me my absolute favourite cheese in the world that he brought back from Italy the other week (we are both Italian but live in the UK where you cannot buy this particular cheese).
But I’ve been fasting since Saturday and can’t bring myself to break it, especially not on something as high calorie as cheese. I pretended to eat it, then wrapped it in cling film and snuck it back into the fridge when he was upstairs. I feel really bad because it was so lovely of him to try and help me.
[Discussion] Metamucil pills
/u/celeryfordinner [5’5” | 113.5| 18.9| -13.5 | f]
Created: Tue Sep 18 13:15:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gxto4/metamucil_pills/
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Does anyone take Metamucil pills or anything like that? Any recommendations or warnings?
[Rant/Rave] DIET SNAPPLE IS A SCAM
/u/subirban
Created: Tue Sep 18 13:08:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gxrkj/diet_snapple_is_a_scam/
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I've been scammed my guys (not really, I'm just dumb). My whole life I just assumed snapple's diet lemon tea was 0 calories bc that's what normal diet drinks are??? and today I decided to look at the label and it's 10 calories and I want to die.
I mean, logically a 10 calorie difference is not that big but in my fat heart it is... damn, time to go back to diet arizona I guess.
Anyway that's my rant on snapple, I'll probably still have it occasionally but I'll have to log it :/
Lemme know if u guys have ever been scammed/are stupid like me and made assumptions... lol
[Rant/Rave] My food scale has opened up a new world to me
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2 | 148 | Aiming for 146 by 10/1 | -12| f21]
Created: Tue Sep 18 13:05:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gxqlb/my_food_scale_has_opened_up_a_new_world_to_me/
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I legitimately love this little gadget. I thought it would bother me more tbh but instead it makes me feel happy and less anxious believe it or not. I can weigh my chicken to know it's 4oz exactly, I can weigh my popcorn bowl before and after I eat so I know exactly how much 2/3rds of a bag is. In some way it makes me more obsessive but more comfortable because it's EXACT and I believe it.no more staying up at night worrying 1/4th cup of yogurt was over filled.
Like this is amazing, I get a whole half a chip extra today because 10 wasn't 30 grams. And making nachos I can just pour in whatever and input it without having to find/dirty measuring cups. I've never used a food scale but I'm oddly excited to be able to restrict with it now and be accurate
Ever heard of hate eating?
/u/resistersista [5'6"|CW:110 |BMI:17.8 |GW:125 |F]
Created: Tue Sep 18 12:53:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gxmrc/ever_heard_of_hate_eating/
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This weekend my husband brought home lunch. I'd actually eaten a small sandwich a few hours earlier but I could eat a little more. Hot dog or hamburger, my choice, and fries. Consistent with there always being an issue with my food, the hot dog had a hair and I trashed it. I over-reacted and didn't eat anything other than a few fries. Husband got really pissy, and I got upset and angry back at him, but felt very defeated.
I grabbed half the burger and most of the fries, went into another room and literally shoved them in my mouth as fast as possible, bawling the entire time. I don't know how to describe it other than "hate eating". I'd never done anything like that before and it was awful.
[Rant/Rave] rant.
/u/dietcigsss
Created: Tue Sep 18 12:25:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gxe06/rant/
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sorry in advance, this is gonna be a doozy.
so me and my bf have been dating for almost 3 years. we both were pretty thin when we first started dating but as time went on, so in love, and comfortable, we both gained weight. over 20 pounds. of course, I’ve been trying to lose that, and more. he’s been having body issues as well, so he only eats once a day, usually late at night. he never weighs, he’s never hungry during the day. meanwhile, I’m ravenous.
a few months ago, we started noticing his pants (which are skinny jeans mostly) fitting a lot looser than usual. he’s obviously losing weight. while I’m just stuck. he still won’t weigh but I’m sure he’s almost lower then the original weight of when I met him.
I’m really trying not to make this a competition but my ed is like... you gotta lose what he lost and more. i love him, and I don’t wanna be competitive but something in me is feeling like more of a loser than usual.
Idk what to do. Obviously, I’ve been dry fasting, restricting and just overall trying to lose. And it’s working but not fast enough as whatever the hell it is he’s doing. I just wanna be 73 again. I thought that was fat but now at over 100 pounds more, I’m really actually fat. No body dysmorphia, I’m ACTUALLY, in real life fat.
I’m literally so over everything.
[Help] Fasting, ate shitaki noodles, my uh “peach” is killing me?!
/u/conuretrash
Created: Tue Sep 18 12:18:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gxbmw/fasting_ate_shitaki_noodles_my_uh_peach_is/
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Guys so I’m 60+ hours into a fast and I had some 20 cal noodles. I also drank 60oz of water so far today. Well after eating the noodles, my stomach is KILLING me and my asshole too? Idk why but I’m seriously concerned from how much pain I’m in. I’m probably going to eat a salad or something to throw inside me hopefully easing the pain. Does anyone know what up? I’m really constipated too, I’ve been trying to go to get the pain out but there’s nothing. Gosh this sucks. No one eat noodles on an empty stomach!!!!! Why is my asshole killing me??
The damn pregnancy question...
/u/prairiepoppins
Created: Tue Sep 18 12:07:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gx8a9/the_damn_pregnancy_question/
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In the past week, TWO coworkers have told me that multiple coworkers asked them if I was pregnant... but I'm NOT! Which means that apparently I'm just so fat and/or bloated that everyone at work thinks I'm pregnant, which basically instantly derails me from whatever kind of eating efforts I'm making. (more, less, intuitive eating, calorie counting, etc.)
Like, why do I even bother trying to lose weight/control my eating if everyone's just going to gossip about how fat I apparently look & how maybe I'm pregnant? Apparently nothing I do works & instead I just look like I have a baby bump.
<1200 calories a day? Nope, still look pregnant.
>1200 calories a day? Nope, still look pregnant.
Hours of exercise? Nope, still look pregnant.
Baggy clothes? Nope, still look pregnant.
How do you guys handle the mental chaos after someone asks if you're pregnant? I basically want to give up in every single way possible right now.
[Help] feeling dehydrated but drinking copious amounts of water?
/u/skeletonsofawhale [5'2 | 140 🐳 | -45 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 18 12:02:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gx6nb/feeling_dehydrated_but_drinking_copious_amounts/
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Earlier this week, I had a pretty mild cold. Ever since yesterday, the cold is gone, but now I feel super hydrated, and no matter how much water I drink, it won't fucking go away. My throat feel scratchy and dry and there's no cure.
​
I took electrolytes, I tried lemon water, I took multivitamins, I tried drinking 4 entire fucking Liters of water yesterday, and nothing is working. Does this have to do with my ED? I also read online that it's liked to diabetes. I drink lots of diet soda and artificial sweeteners which do increase insulin, but there's no fucking way I've developed diabetes, especially not this quickly.
[Other] Peach usernames?
/u/Throwaway-hideaway [5’2” | CW:48.6kg | SW:57kg | F | Maintaining?]
Created: Tue Sep 18 11:52:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gx3ni/peach_usernames/
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I know I’ve literally just posted but I’m bored and have nothing to do😅 So I’ve been lurking on here and realised that loads of you on here are using Peach? I don’t really know what it is but I’ve decided to download it and would like to add you all!
My username on there is floatingfeather
What’s yours? :)
[Help] DAE invent new ways to burn calories when they are trying to stop losing?
/u/NeutralSmithHotel [6'1.4 | CW: 179 | BMI: 23.4 | Weight Lost: -191| M]
Created: Tue Sep 18 10:46:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gwi73/dae_invent_new_ways_to_burn_calories_when_they/
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So I'm trying to follow my treatment plan, which says I can't walk more than 4 miles per day. But now I've noticed that I am starting to "dance" and shake more. My hands move a bunch... my body is just inventing new ways to try to burn calories off... (Sorry if I'm posting too much).
Has anyone figured out ways to deal with this?
[Goal] Going to start my first ever water fast today!
/u/Throwaway-hideaway [5’2” | CW:48.6kg | SW:57kg | F | Maintaining?]
Created: Tue Sep 18 10:37:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gwf3u/going_to_start_my_first_ever_water_fast_today/
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I’m not sure how long I want it to last, so I’ll try one day first and then see how it goes after! Wish me luck! I plan to just stick to water and the occasional tea/Black coffee if I need to taste some sort of flavour
[Other] Stevia is my new best friend 💕
/u/impkidz [165cm ♡ CW: 114lbs ♡ GW: 90lbs ♡ BMI: 19.22 ♡ F(?)]
Created: Tue Sep 18 10:22:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gwadf/stevia_is_my_new_best_friend/
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Ive been trying so hard to get off sugary drinks and other garbage lately and ive found out about Stevia and how amazingly normal it tastes. So many other sweetners taste like chemicals, but finally I can enjoy over tea again for onluly 35 cals......sometimes life is good!
[Discussion] Any tall people here who hate not weighing the same as shorter people?
/u/Nutellapples
Created: Tue Sep 18 10:21:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gwa67/any_tall_people_here_who_hate_not_weighing_the/
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I absolutely hate my height for other reasons , but at the same time it's such a trigger for me because a 5'3 girl can get to 99lbs and still be okay but if I get to that weight I'll be almost dead and that's my goal weight .
I've also gotten comments from guys saying 'yeah I'd expect a tall girl to weigh more than the average girl' and it really hurt to hear that. I just wanna feel small :( I'll never get compliments like 'tiny' 'small' 'petite' because of my height....
Shoutout to my period
/u/rosecoloredidiot [21F | CW: 64kg BMI: 24.5 | GW: 45kg ]
Created: Tue Sep 18 10:17:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gw8vm/shoutout_to_my_period/
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That triggered a binge in which I ate an entire 1800 calorie pizza (in addition to the 400 I ate today). I'm not even generally a person who binges.
THANKS, MOTHER NATURE.
[Discussion] anyone else subscribed to nsfw subreddits as thins lmao
/u/cortizonegnome [5'3" | bingetastic CW: 107 | GW 92 | UGW 88 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 18 10:13:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gw7xl/anyone_else_subscribed_to_nsfw_subreddits_as/
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I'm pretty darn straight (ok well maybe asexual tbh but I'm not really into tits is what I'm saying) but I looooove /r/kpopfap and /r/asiangirlsbeingcute b/c it's just thin asian girls being pretty and dudes salivating them and it really fulfills my whole "I need to be thin to be loved" thing. other subreddits r pretty white so I can't relate or a lil #thicc for my liking. just curious is any of u guys aren't into girls/guys but subscribe to (n)sfw subreddits for said gender for the motivation. any other creative uses of subreddits for ur own ED gain lmao?
[Other] Omg I had two clear moments today without my BD!!!!!!!
/u/twa1238 [F25| 158cm | CW 🐄 |]
Created: Tue Sep 18 10:11:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gw7bg/omg_i_had_two_clear_moments_today_without_my_bd/
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Omg I’m so overwhelmed I just have to share this with you all!!!
So my place of work finally developed the pictures they took this summer (I work with children). I’m on almost none of the pictures because I felt especially fat and tried to fucking disappear whenever someone with a camera even looked at me. I have a co-worker that has an effortlessly skinny body, so in comparison it was even worse and I was VERY ambitious about never being seen with her.
There was one picture ([Heres a link if someone is interested lol](https://ibb.co/hvSGre) with some children and I thought it was her arm and I got so jealous. I thought how skinny and tiny this arm was, even compared to baby bodies and all. Then I saw her arms were on the other side and not as skinny as the one I saw. I inspected the arm and it’s...mine,??? Obviously now that I know it’s mine I don’t think it’s skinny anymore and it’s looks fat to me but I had this three seconds being so surprised and it was amazing lol. I know that’s pathetic.
And then I remembered. Yesterday I’ve reached my gw. I had planned to reward myself everytime I reached a mini goal but then I relapsed hard back into my ED and obviously felt like a failure every step of the way so I never did. Felt super down because I wasn’t happy at all with my weight yesterday and convinced myself to buy a coat.
Went into some kind of outlet store where they sell things that got sent back to an online store because somethings wrong with them. Went to the medium/large section and saw a coat. It was labeled as petite medium which I didn’t think I‘d fit into since I felt too fat(petite is smaller than normal sizes) but I’ve tried it on and it looked alright and I was straight up bullying myself in my head already but the price was good. So I looked for the fault and didn’t find one and asked a girl that worked there. She looked at the coat and said oh yeah the labels wrong on this one, this is way too small to be a medium, they aren’t allowed to sell it with this label.
Like I GOT what she was saying but I didn’t understand? Bought the coat, went home, felt depressed about being fat and wearing medium AFTER reaching my gw
AND JUST NOW I TRIED IT ON AND SAW MYSELF IN THE MIRROR AND REALIZED
If this is “way too small” to be a medium size in petite this means it’s a small. A. Petite. small. And I looked small in the mirror. Like cute and tiny and not like me at all??????
Now I look fat again but man, I saw that I’m not really fat TWICE today. I haven’t seen that for so long.
The day was so shitty but this was really nice.
Sorry for the wall of text. I just had to share.
I hate having my period
/u/iron_blanket
Created: Tue Sep 18 09:54:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gw1g2/i_hate_having_my_period/
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I hate how disgusting it makes me feel. I wish I was a cave woman and I could just be exiled in a yurt for a week, away from food, away from the temptation to binge.
I've been eating 600 and below but I've still managed to gain. Fml
I'm going to go for a run to hopefully make me feel better.
[Help] I’m in day two of my dash and my scale hasn’t budged
/u/citrus_juuiice
Created: Tue Sep 18 09:47:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gvzai/im_in_day_two_of_my_dash_and_my_scale_hasnt_budged/
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If anything is gone up. I’m at 115.5-116. Why is this happening. It’s so fucking frustrating. I thought I’d be done to 113 by now. The last dash I did I lost like 3 or 4 pounds in a day and now I’m just plateauing. Maybe tomorrow will be better.
Seasonal relapse risk? [x-post r/fuckeatingdisorders]
/u/konmarimylife
Created: Tue Sep 18 09:44:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gvyk8/seasonal_relapse_risk_xpost_rfuckeatingdisorders/
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I'm a little at odds with this subreddit for someone in my position because I consider myself recovered for a few years now. But cross-posted here because the other subreddit has very little activity comparatively, and I know folks here are competent, experienced, and supportive.
I noticed the last couple of years that Fall is when I risk relapse, which sucks because it's my favorite time of the year. Aside from anticipating an entire season of food holidays that make me anxious (Birthday late October, then Thanksgiving, then Christmas, then Chinese New Year), I don't know what might be the cause of this. I can get triggered for random reasons throughout the year and it makes for a crappy day, but I can usually bounce back and not fixate. It's around this time of the year that it seems like I start having more prolonged thoughts about restricting and achieving "goals."
The worst part is that I'm not even unhappy. I love the season, I like my outfits, and how beautiful the landscape is. I'm pretty happy with my body compared to other times this year! I've been tracking my mood with a daily app, and nothing is out of the ordinary. I'm busy and fulfilled, and have strong friendships, and a happy relationship. The flirtation with restriction feels a lot more "pragmatic," like I'm tricking myself with the following thoughts....
• It's not healthy, but not THAT risky
• I actually take really good care of myself in a lot of other ways/I'm still way healthier than other people I know
• I'm having stupid unrelated health issues that are out of my control so what's the point of trying
• This is the quickest way to getting to my "destination" (and if I don't, I don't even know what kind of state I'll be in by February, so this is actually being kind of proactive)
• Nothing bad has ever truly happened to me except low energy and less than optimal mental health, and there's only so much I can do about the second thing
• [Various "deals" one makes with oneself]
However, I'm noticing this as part of a pattern and trying to be honest with myself. The thought of not being able to trust my own judgment is very destabilizing. I went bra shopping for the first time in like three years, which was destabilizing in its own way. I positioned the mirrors in the changing room so I could see myself from different angles and look at the fit. I'm a less common size, and I wanted it to be right because these things were $60 a pop and I was buying three of them! Anyway, just looking at my body, it was hard to evaluate what the fuck was going on. Thinking: if my weight hadn't yo-yo'd so much when I was younger, I could not have to deal with this at all, and just wear $15 bralettes all the time (but I fucked up, or it feels like I fucked up, and now underwear is expensive, FML). Dropping almost $200 on some no-frills bras that make you feel neither pretty, nor confident in your own judgment is pretty demoralizing.
My parents offered to fly me home on Thanksgiving or Christmas and I'm making excuses about how much vacation I can take because of how anxious I am about having so much food around me and being shuttled from one family gathering to the next, where I'm expected to eat more and more. It sounds so dumb, but I'd rather be alone in the office doing nothing (because everyone else is on vacation) without an obligation to do anything, including working or eating.
I'm trying to keep it together but this feels like the beginning of a darkening tunnel, so I could really use some words about what you do when you notice yourself falling into a pattern. Is it seasonal for you? Can you anticipate it? What are ways you cope?
Can somebody from the UK please confirm that the old Starbucks app and website had a facility where you could build drinks and see the calories of the customisations?
/u/i_love_junk_food [5'1" | HW 72kg | CW 62.1kg | LW 51kg | GW1 55kg | GW2 48kg | F]
Created: Tue Sep 18 09:38:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gvwty/can_somebody_from_the_uk_please_confirm_that_the/
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I am going crazy trying to customise an order on the app because the nutritional values don't change when you customise. They just base it on the regular drink and don't tell you what it would be without the whip etc or with sugar free caramel syrup vs regular. I have the nutritional information page open but it's just a bit too much of a **process**. I swear like 5 years ago you used to be able to build drinks from scratch and see the calorie information per ingredient. It's less stressful for me to come up with a mcdonalds order because of their calculators. Why is this not a thing for Starbucks!?
How do I stop binging?
/u/evaa98
Created: Tue Sep 18 09:36:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gvw1j/how_do_i_stop_binging/
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It has been my Birthday on Saturday so that day I had to eat "normal" after weeks of heavy restricting. The problem is I can't stop binging since then. Can someone explain that to me? It has been so easy for me the last weeks/month. I feel like loosing control and everything I've worked hard for. How do I stop it? I feel horrible and fat
High restriction
/u/teapip99
Created: Tue Sep 18 09:33:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gvv4q/high_restriction/
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So I’ve been doing high restriction- around 1200 a day with exercise for 2 months & im wondering if I should be worried about supplementing electrolytes? I sometimes get dizzy when standing but I got that before restricting too.. I do take a multivitamin daily.
What do y’all tell your doctors, psychiatrists?
/u/marshmallowwsx
Created: Tue Sep 18 09:29:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gvu0y/what_do_yall_tell_your_doctors_psychiatrists/
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Just curious because so many of you seem to have issues with health workers becoming involved in your ED. Is it because you have lost weight rapidly while under their care or do you tell them truth, or something that tips them off?
My BMI is 16.5 and the most I’ve ever been asked is if I exercise (yes, run 3 miles a day), what does my diet look like (a lot of salads, egg whites, and grilled chicken), and how is my appetite (fine). No one has batted an eye or expressed any concern whatsoever. At one point I was even put on an antidepressant that causes weight loss without any mention of that being an issue.
Wondering if ‘healthy answers’ are key, or there’s more to it?
My soup is an accidental laxative??
/u/bloodyhellron [5'6 | 151 | 24.4 | -19| F]
Created: Tue Sep 18 09:21:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gvrdq/my_soup_is_an_accidental_laxative/
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I've been meal prepping. It's how I restrict without alerting my entire house that I'm disordered. They see me cooking these huge pots of soup every two weeks or so. Surely I'm eating healthily *evil cackle*.
Each bowl of soup comes out to be 180-200 calories, so even if I have 3 meals a day, which I don't, I usually come in under.
For this recent soup, I changed nothing, but added a curry seasoning. I find I have to go to the bathroom semi urgently soon after eating. I don't know enough about laxatives to know if this is potentially helping my weight loss? Or if it just makes me have to go sooner? Thoughts?
Sorry if this was gross, I didn't know who to ask.
My one year progress. Only - 5 kg less, but I think it shows. Only 5 kilos left to hit my UGW!
/u/subarremos [5'3 | CW: 99 | GW: 88]
Created: Tue Sep 18 09:19:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gvqwd/my_one_year_progress_only_5_kg_less_but_i_think/
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https://i.redd.it/rpkpv4x0l0n11.jpg
[Discussion] DAE imagine eating food whilst fasting?
/u/Dontloseyour-Ed [5'1" | 103 | 19.4 | GW: 94lbs | 16f]
Created: Tue Sep 18 09:17:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gvq3h/dae_imagine_eating_food_whilst_fasting/
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I haven't eaten anything today (I just left school) and I walked past the vending machine with chocolate bars in it. Usually it's like I know I can't have one and that's that. Ofc I love them but I I don't have a strong desire to eat one. This time I found myself fully imagining the flavour and texture of a Crunch bar and it was really really nice. Like it actually made me feel the same as tasting it irl.
This happens a lot to me and mainly whilst fasting. I think everyone can imagine eating food like that but I wondered if anyone ever did it regularly as part of an ED. I also used to do it as I went to sleep weirdly.
[Help] which scale do i trust ;-; help
/u/band-aide [5'5.5 | CW: 126 | BMI: 21 | F/19]
Created: Tue Sep 18 09:12:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gvon3/which_scale_do_i_trust_help/
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i bought myself a scale while i was away at college last year, and it always gives me a lower reading than my parents' older scale at home. both are digital, but it's easier to "zero out" my newer scale.
this morning i was annoyed because yet again i decide to check my weight multiple times on both. mine says 125.4, my parents' says 127.2, and that is such a big difference to me that it annoys me! idfk what to trust. mine is probably cheaper but it's newer! my parents' scale is like, 5 years old.
do scales get unbalanced over time? someone help me on this ;-; idk which is more of my "true" weight.
[Goal] I've ate 1600 for two days and wooshed into my September goal
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2 | 148 | Aiming for 146 by 10/1 | -12| f21]
Created: Tue Sep 18 08:48:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gvgzs/ive_ate_1600_for_two_days_and_wooshed_into_my/
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I...just don't have anyone to share this excitement with. Started at 150.8 the 1st, My September goal was 146 by the 26th, then things came to a standstill at 147.9/148.
So I ate at maintenance ish for two days kind of by accident, And this morning I'm 146.8. Fully expected at least a water/food weight gain. But no, I'm at my goal already. I have my lose it on 2lbs a week and even it told me I'd be there by the 20th. So yeah 4 pounds in 2 weeks and three days...I'll definitely be incorporating high days again
Next goal is 136, 10 pounds to not be overweight anymore! Hopefully in a month +-?
[Help] How to stay sane when high restricting ?
/u/cowboyhatcowboyhat
Created: Tue Sep 18 08:44:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gvftt/how_to_stay_sane_when_high_restricting/
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am studying for my a levels (final exams summer 19 aaaa) and also work two part time jobs currently. don't feel hungry but feel sooo tired and a bit unhinged nd loopy tbh. get that good good massive dizziness whenever i stand up but i weirdly quite enjoy that
anyone got any ways of coping with this ?
(am also vegan but when i remember i do take A-Z supplements and an extra B vitamin one (including b12), both in pill form)
Xx
[Intro] Long-Time Lurker...
/u/lifesabreech [5'1" | 104 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 18 08:42:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gvfah/longtime_lurker/
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I’m (kind of?) new so I thought maybe I should make a quick intro post. I’ve been lurking this sub on my main account since I relapsed in March; I decided last night to make a throwaway so I could be more active. I genuinely love this sub and you all seem like really cool people.
I’ve struggled with variations of Anorexia and Bulimia since high school. Recovered for a few years only to relapse with a vengeance this past spring. I’m 27 years old and feel like I should be over this shit by now, but I think we all know that’s not how this works.
Anyway, I’m always here to talk if anyone wants to message me. I know how important support is, and no one except my therapist knows I’ve relapsed (in fact, everyone else in my life has been congratulating me on my “self-improvement” lol), so I’m sure there are others out there who could use some support or someone to listen to them as well.
Thanks for reading this & stay safe, everyone ❤️
How should I log sobbing on mfp?
/u/couldbemage
Created: Tue Sep 18 08:36:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gvdcp/how_should_i_log_sobbing_on_mfp/
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Been crying all morning and I've lost a full pound.
Boyfriend
/u/KaitlynMK
Created: Tue Sep 18 08:34:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gvd37/boyfriend/
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I went on a date to see Searching yesterday. While I was in the parking lot my boyfriend was staying at me. I asked him what he wanted, and he told me I look so tiny. I felt so good. That the first time he’s said something like that to me.
[Discussion] Anyone else hate waking up early
/u/siempremequejo
Created: Tue Sep 18 08:19:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gv8ms/anyone_else_hate_waking_up_early/
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I’ve been waking up at like 5-6am lately instead of my usual 10am. Makes it harder to stay away from food longer. :(
Number on the Scale
/u/littledahmer [5'5" |CW: 120 | HW: 165 |BMI: 20 | -45 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 18 08:17:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gv83f/number_on_the_scale/
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Since I reached the 20’s, it just seems like the lower I go on the scale, the bigger I’m actually getting. That doesn’t make sense, but I just feel that way.
This morning I weighed in at 119.8 lbs (54.3kgs) and I just looked in the mirror, and looked bigger than before.
I thought I’d be excited to reach the 10’s, but somehow, I’m just not content. I fear that I’ll just *need* to continue losing weight to see the results in the mirror.
I just don’t understand. It makes me feel worse instead of being happy about losing the weight. Maybe I’m just having a bad self esteem day. Maybe tomorrow I’ll look in the mirror and go “wow, that’s a pretty lady” but not today.
I just needed to get that off my chest before school.
"You could eat chips for the rest of your life and still be fine."
/u/boxxfive [5'4" | CW: 114 | GW: 100 | -24]
Created: Tue Sep 18 08:16:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gv7k5/you_could_eat_chips_for_the_rest_of_your_life_and/
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I ate out with an acquaintance two nights in a row, and both times I made the mistake of saying something along the lines of "oh, this is so good, I haven't had one in forever!" and wondering whether I should get a dessert or not. The second night he pointed out, with some bemusement, that I'd said so. I brushed it off with something about trying to eat healthy. He was like "uh, you're super thin, trust me," and said his brother (who I'd seen the previous night) couldn't believe I'd had kids. Then he added, "You could eat chips for the rest of your life and still be fine." I've always secretly wanted to be the girl that others think that about so yeah, kind of made my weekend!
[Rant/Rave] I have to lose at least 4 pounds in 2 weeks
/u/2worried2care [5'6" | CW 119.4 | BMI 19.3| 26F]
Created: Tue Sep 18 08:06:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gv4fe/i_have_to_lose_at_least_4_pounds_in_2_weeks/
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This shouldn't seem difficult but I have been hovering between 119-120 for almost 2 weeks now and I just don't understand. I run 2-5 miles 7x per week. I eat <1000 calories per day. Why am I having such a hard time?? I saw my mother the other day and she mentioned that I look "too skinny" multiple times and also tried to get other family members to say it. It was so uncomfortable but I know it isn't true and I just want to lose more. I'm going on a trip to California in two weeks; one of the days I'll be at a music festival and am even considering wearing a crop top but I refuse to do it until I'm at 115 lb. Ugh, there's really no point to this post aside from just complaining about how stressed I am about this stupid plateau.
Wow... I fit into a "small" today and still look just as fat
/u/NeutralSmithHotel [6'1.4 | CW: 179 | BMI: 23.4 | Weight Lost: -191| M]
Created: Tue Sep 18 08:00:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gv2in/wow_i_fit_into_a_small_today_and_still_look_just/
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So I know I have some dysmorphia, but I didn't realize the extent till this morning. I'm not super skinny like a lot of you, but for me a small is quite small (broad shouldered 6'1 dude here). Even if it was a big small, it is crazy to me to think I fit in a small but still think I look this big. Wow...
[Help] TDEE calculator for me
/u/AspergersAndCoffee [5'2F | Last recorded weight 93 | SW 100 | Starting therapy soon]
Created: Tue Sep 18 07:35:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9guvoq/tdee_calculator_for_me/
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I was at the psychiatrist yesterday.
He told me that 2 less kilograms and I'll be put in a mental hospital. I don't want that to happen, so I'd try to eat maintenance calories, but I don't know what they are for me, so currently I eat 1600 cause that's the most I'm comfortable with, but I feel malnourished and fatigued all the time and it goes away only if I eat a loooottt more.
I'm adolescent, so the TDEE calculators aren't accurate for me... Does anyone know anything about the nutritional needs of kids and teens? Any calorie need chart? I need this ASAP, as I've said.
welp
/u/peacecorpsquestion3
Created: Tue Sep 18 07:15:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9guqa4/welp/
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This guy I’m flirting with doesn’t seem that into it? Must be bc I’m bmi 19 and not bmi 16.5 like I want to be. Time to restrict lol. I use the littlest fucking things as motivation
Think I lost my gag reflex
/u/Jellygator0
Created: Tue Sep 18 07:12:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gupe8/think_i_lost_my_gag_reflex/
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So I've been throwing up several times a day for the last week. Consistency is key and all that right? Had a cheesecake slice and tiramasu and got it all(?) out but later for dinner when I had this pack of ready to eat satay noodles I couldn't get anything to come up for almost 40 minutes!!! I've occasionally had decreased gagging but never this much trouble before - never 'nothing'. My throat feels raw and I pretty much was touching half way down my esophagus but nothing... I panicked and had some ice cream and tried again, and the ice cream sorta comes out but nothing else. WHAT IS GOING ON. I waited the usual 20 min for things to get sorta digested, then gave it an extra 20 min in between purging attempts in case it just wasn't broken down enough to come up. The guilt and shame that's flooding me feels unreal - this is why anorexics are thin and, well, I'm not. I can't ever eat normally again if I don't have this undo button in my life anymore. Can anyone shed any light on this situation?
P.S. ProED literal showerthought: you know when you kneel in the shower to purge and the floor just painfully digs into your knees and ankle bones? I've been feeling like it's penance. It's the price I pay to earn forgiveness after failing myself around food... Again.
[Discussion] one meal a day?
/u/dietcokeangel [5'3 | 103lbs | 18.3 | -24lbs | GNC F 21]
Created: Tue Sep 18 06:50:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9guje2/one_meal_a_day/
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anyone else only like eat one or two meals a day?
i tend to end up eating like one big cal meal once a day and then i'll sprinkle the rest of my calories like here and there. like i ate 200 cals this morning, and then burned it off going to meet with a friend for coffee, and when i came home i ate 800 cal worth of moz sticks lol. i know i'll burn off like 300 cals more, but i end up feeling full so easily and often just eats like every now and then because it's there lol.
3 meals a day? idk her
[Goal] Broke my streak
/u/ilikepizza6665
Created: Tue Sep 18 06:47:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9guikv/broke_my_streak/
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Restricted for 18 days (vegan) and saw so much progress then overate for 4 (while eating dairy bc I’m an idiot) and now I feel like shit. Terrified to weigh myself so I’m absolutely not doing that. But I’m starting my morning with a coffee and my juul :) and I’m determined to get back on track. Staying at 1000 cals every day this week, no excuses.
[Rant/Rave] I told my boss
/u/xfatasseffx
Created: Tue Sep 18 06:38:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gug9m/i_told_my_boss/
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I work at a spa and I got a massage from my boss. There was paperwork to fill out. There was a long list of things to check off. One of them was eating disorder. I checked it.
She asked me what kinda eating disorder I had. I basically just said “body dysmorphia, but I’m fine now, I shouldn’t have checked it.”
And she nodded, looked me up and down, and I knew that she was thinking about how fat I was and that it was impossible for me to have some kind of eating disorder.
She is a small woman, skinny and shorter than me by a lot. Everyone that works at the spa is so skinny and fit. I don’t know why my boss hired me. I don’t belong there, not a fat ass like me.
[Other] Anyone used to think of the mfp logo as thinspo, but now think to yourself...’maybe a little less padding on the hips...’
/u/BeginningBarnacle [5'4"|121|-15|F]
Created: Tue Sep 18 06:29:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gudr4/anyone_used_to_think_of_the_mfp_logo_as_thinspo/
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https://i.redd.it/bi6by0jqqzm11.jpg
[Help] Stupid question, I’m a little confused about Dunkin Donuts latté calories. Can anyone who drinks them give me a good estimate?
/u/dxylightt [short | 125 | GW: 95 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 18 06:22:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gubwy/stupid_question_im_a_little_confused_about_dunkin/
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Dunkin Donuts’ nutritional calculator online is shit, almost all of the customized options you put in for coffee says the data isn’t available. So, I’m a little confused.
I know they have unsweetened flavored shots and flavored swirls, the former being sugar-free (ranging from 20-110 cals) and the latter being a lot higher cal and containing sugar.
I’ve been drinking lattes there a lot lately because they’re AMAZING. I usually get a medium (unsweetened flavor shot) blueberry latte with Splenda and almond milk, and since the website doesn’t offer the nutritional information I’m worried I’m somehow wildly underestimating it. I usually count it as 200 but I’m not sure.
Are lattes something that can vary a lot depending on the person who makes them? Like just for example, if you’re at a restaurant and you ask for vegetables with a little bit of butter, one cook could give you 50 cals of butter while another cook could give you 200 cals worth. Like, can latte calories vary that greatly depending on how much milk or flavor syrup the barista is using or am I being overly paranoid?
Rant of life
/u/Penelope120
Created: Tue Sep 18 06:16:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9guaff/rant_of_life/
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Ok so this is my first Reddit post. And ok like here goes, like I'm back in AA or some shit. My name is Penelope and I have an eating disorder.
Lol. But so yeah... Help i guess?
I was diagnosed with anorexia when I was 17 after having lost 40 lbs approximately over the course of maybe 9 months ? I went from about 108 lbs to 68 lbs. I was attending a professional ballet school and had been told at 110 lbs and 5'2'' that I needed to be careful and that I needed to change my body so my limbs looked longer. Is that normal?
I didn't really realize what I was doing.. this was in 1996 so like before the internet hahaha. I didn't use a calorie counter, I didn't visit proana sites, I was just dancing all day and eating very little.
So ok fast forward to a couple years of therapy, anti depressants, better eating, gaining to a healthy weight, then quitting dance for a few months (after graduating ballet school) (then going back to Dance a few months later but with less focus on ballet more on contemporary dance) getting some sweet dance gigs, starting partying, started discovering sexuality etc..
Blamo. Find myself using drugs and alcohol to deal with the underlying stress and depression.. lol
Fast fwd through my twenties which are just drug induced stupor anyway (fired from dance jobs because high all the time) - also note that being high all the time keeps me shrinking from my set point of like 130lbs to a approximately 106 lbs.. Which I feel ok about I guess.. although the desire to be smaller never really goes away.. does it.
Ok so fast forward after 4 months inpatient rehab.
I'm now back to 130lbs ish and I'm clean and sober..
Slowly over time I go back to dance, and NATURALLY, with mild restriction over the course of like 5 YEARS .. I'm fluctuating between 109 - 114 lbs ish ... So like that's ok.
I get married, have good dance jobs all's well. Mild restriction and healthy eating but not overly life consuming and I still have my period!
Four years ago we move to a new country (I'm now 33) and the stress of the new life, coupled with a very high pressure dance job sends me back into the land of cognitive restriction and body dissatisfaction and voila here I am relapsing A-FUCKING-GAIN.. but now this shit is sneaky and has developed into some kind of polarizing effect of it undereating down to 105 lbs but ok so, lose period, start to alienate people, colleagues get worried, husband threatens divorce if I don't go into recovery etc etc..
Fine fine so I spent ALL OF LAST YEAR FUCKING YO-YOING
Undereating down to 107 ish then up 109 then down to 108 up 110 down 109 up 111 etc.. All the way up to 115 theb down, up , down, up thank fucking God I have never (and will never) purge.
But now here I am after a LOT of therapy and I am 120 fucking pounds..
It's unbearable. I don't care that I still don't have my period. I don't care if people say I look good. This is WAY WAY WAY WAY TOO BIG.
IM a professional dancer and my body fat is 20% !!!!
Hell no.
No.
Ok so maybe 107 is too low. Fine.
But this no.
So I'm back to restricting and lying to husband, and weighing myself in secret (husband hid the scale) and on MPA and EDC and lying to nutritionist and therapist and fuck..
REALLy ?!? Is this my life now.
Jesus Christ.
Ok . Rant done.
[Other] i had my first whoosh!!
/u/cole-ck
Created: Tue Sep 18 06:11:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gu967/i_had_my_first_whoosh/
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...and then gained all of it back in the span of one day :)) i hate myself
[Rant/Rave] Why do people need to comment on what other people eat???
/u/traashpanda
Created: Tue Sep 18 06:09:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gu8u1/why_do_people_need_to_comment_on_what_other/
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I just need to rant to some people who understand okay here goes.
So I just started a new job with 12 hour shifts (7:30-19:30). It’s a care home and we get fed breakfast, lunch and tea every day.
The meals are generally quite calorie dense and I can never measure anything because it’s just plated up and fed to us.
We all sit in the dining room together and eat with the residents.
I could bring my own low calorie food and eat that but I love fasting so I would rather just skip the meal.
I decided to stop eating breakfast there because I’m a grown fucking adult and I don’t have to eat if I don’t want to.
Every single day EVERY SINGLE DAY since, one of my coworkers asks me why I’m not eating. I tried to explain to him about fasting but he thought it was a load of shite. Yesterday he asked me why I was starving myself, in front of all the kids and other staff, mortifying.
Today we are at staff training and we were in a room full of a load of staff I don’t know and this guy pulls out a multi pack of chocolate bars for everyone. He offered me one and I said no thanks and he said ‘oh yeah, I should’ve know you wouldn’t eat anything’
Like??? Fuck off dude you’re not my dad. Why do you care so much if I’m eating or not?
Ugh geez, I just hate when people get in other peoples business like that, but I feel better after this rant. Thanks guys, ly
[Sticky] Thinspo Tuesday September 18, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Sep 18 06:09:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gu8si/thinspo_tuesday_september_18_2018/
---
Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to post pictures of anything that inspires or you find to be something "motivating".
**Please note that we are not using this post to glorify or glamorize eating disorders. Anything that is not clearly from a professional photo shoot or is "bonespo" (extremely thin to the point of being skeletal) will be removed.** Selfies, bodychecks, or OOTD posts will also be removed as they belong in the Friday sticky thread.
*****
Thinspo threads are posted every Tuesday.
Have any questions or concerns? Looking for self-care and beauty tips? Comment below, or [PM the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED) and feel free to take your self-care/beauty needs to the "Stupid Questions Saturday" weekly thread!
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! September 18, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Sep 18 06:09:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gu8ri/daily_food_diary_september_18_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for September 18, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Rant/Rave] goodbye my boobs 💔
/u/seeyasis
Created: Tue Sep 18 06:00:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gu6e1/goodbye_my_boobs/
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i lost more weight but i swear i’ve only lost weight from my boobs... i’ve gone from a 12dd to a 10b 😭 i have to wear the bras i wore 5 years ago when i first started getting the bloody things
Breakfast safe foods?
/u/teahontas
Created: Tue Sep 18 05:44:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gu2rx/breakfast_safe_foods/
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I love breakfast foods when I go on binges.
Like everything. Eggs, breakfast meats, potatoes, blueberry pancakes.
I’m sitting here trying to plan out my calorie intake for the day like I do every day (typically resulting in me usually not eating because nothing is worth getting fat) and I can’t think of anything for my growling tummy to take my medicine with this morning.
I’d like some help, giving me ideas of things to take from home is also welcome but in my current situation, I’m at work and would have to send someone to grab me something. Probably fast food unfortunately and I know, fast food is the farthest thing from considering a safe food but I’m really hungry and stuck. Are there any hidden treasures of low calorie goodness at places that I’m aware of this morning?
Everything I have near me atm:
McDonalds
Burger King
KFC
Taco Bell
Tropical Smoothie
Panera
Culver’s
Arby’s
Tim Hortons
[Help] Just ate 3 Trek bars +- 236 calories per BAR
/u/gauntlyghost [5'5 | Fatty | BMI 19ish | Peach: GauntlyGhost]
Created: Tue Sep 18 05:30:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gtzio/just_ate_3_trek_bars_236_calories_per_bar/
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Just ate 3 Trek bars (+- 236 calories per BAR) so I could start over tomorrow and stop binging. I did so well. I was almost at my goal weight then I fucked it up. I've been binging ever since my birthday end of August. I make healthy food, eat that, then eat peanut butter out of the jar or baking dark choc chips out of the pack. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to stop. It's making me extremely depressed. I guess I'll try to start fasting after dinner tonight, then slowly work up to 750 calories again. I just wanted to vent.
i feel disgusting when i try 2 recover
/u/someonestilllovesu
Created: Tue Sep 18 05:15:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gtwd2/i_feel_disgusting_when_i_try_2_recover/
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but my best friend and i are moving in together oct 1st so i have to hide eating habits really well because he has been really into making sure i recover since he first picked up on things a year ago. tips? :l
[Rant/Rave] the worst thing just happened to me
/u/milovsflo
Created: Tue Sep 18 04:51:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gtr5i/the_worst_thing_just_happened_to_me/
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I got a new scale. Okay, good. Only I found out my old scale was wrong the whole time, and I'm actually TWO (2) kg heavier than I thought. I feel suicidal right now.
[Rant/Rave] The stress of taking medicine as a habitual purger
/u/Lunar_Heart [5'2" | 81lbs | BMI: 15-something | -?lbs| f]
Created: Tue Sep 18 04:32:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gtn2e/the_stress_of_taking_medicine_as_a_habitual_purger/
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I sat in a sore throat for three weeks, delaying a doctors visit for a myriad of reasons, the dominant force being my being severely underweight.
At 70-something pounds, going to a doctor is panic inducing.
I was pleasantly surprised to find that i'd put on a few pounds and broke back into the 80s, however (yay me! i've been working toward that for a few long, hard weeks).
But then came the bad news.
I have strep.
And apparently I've had strep for all those weeks my throat was killing me.
I'm lucky it didn't develop into something worse.
(look after yourself, y'all)
But anyway- I was prescribed antibiotics to take twice daily.
Should be a happy ending.
But i'm in deep with my ED.
I purge *everything.*
Even water.
I'm fucking crazy. I know I'm fucking crazy. It's a big problem and I'm working on it.
But I'm terrified I won't be able to keep these pills down.
Currently, I'm freaking the fuck out with three sips of water and a tiny little pill in my stomach because it feels like i've had a feast, and everything in me is begging me to go and relieve the ache in my stomach.
Purging feels like the only option, but I've got to convince myself it's *not* an option.
Not for now, at least, and not for the next ten days.
Living at home for the first fime in years. Used tio regularly fasting 24-72 hours--how do I cope?
/u/frankxcastle
Created: Tue Sep 18 04:10:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gtirq/living_at_home_for_the_first_fime_in_years_used/
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My mum cooks really healthy food, but I'm gonna be expected to eat every meal time, though no will notice if I skip breakfast. Fasting/purging has been my only method of weight loss that works, and I'm a serial binge/purger. All of this developed away from home. I have a lot of weight to lose... I know I can do it with cico, as the food will be healthy. But I have no idea how I will stop my binging (can't even imagine the purging!) But it's the fasting that will be the hardest to let go of...what methods do you guys have when you live with others?
favourite ways to burn calories?
/u/lostandlonley333
Created: Tue Sep 18 04:08:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gti7t/favourite_ways_to_burn_calories/
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[Intro] Starting over...
/u/helpmytonguehurts [5”6 |CW 160|GW1 130|LW 89| -2 | 👩🏼]
Created: Tue Sep 18 04:07:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gti11/starting_over/
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Used to be a severe anorexic 7 years ago. Got hospitalised and taken out of school. Weighed 89 (4 pounds off my ultimate goal weight).
Had to refeed. Stayed at ~115 for about 4 years by continuing to restrict (1200 daily, OMAD, orthorexia)
Just lost my discipline and self control. Starting drinking beers. Starting liking stuffed crust pizza. Sick of being told I have ‘curves in the right places’ or being called ‘thicc’. Saying you don’t think I’m fat at all doesn’t help. I don’t want to ‘not be fat’, I want to be skinny again. The entire time I’ve counted every calorie, beat myself up over every meal and still lived disordered. Just I ate which made it worse.
Here’s to me digging deep and gaining that discipline back. It’s obvious my heads never going to sort itself out so I’d rather be skinny and have an ED than be 🐳
[Help] Tips to make stomach look as flat as possible?
/u/lyhndzie [5'6" | SW: 170 | CW: still too high | F]
Created: Tue Sep 18 02:45:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gt2ol/tips_to_make_stomach_look_as_flat_as_possible/
---
So I have an event to go to on Saturday. A lot of people I know will be there, including one person who used to incessantly comment on my weight when I was at my HW. She would insist that I was pregnant, feel/poke/grab at my stomach, etc. She has been a huge driving force in this last relapse.
I had a GW for this event, and I’m about 9 pounds away. I know I’m not going to reach the goal before the event. But I’ve come a long way since the last time she has seen me. Still, I feel like my stomach sticks out a bit too much for me to feel ready to see her.
Do you guys have any tips on how to stop bloating, etc? I know to drink a lot of water, but other than that, I’m pretty clueless. Thanks in advance!
[Tip] Any tips on hating yourself less?
/u/Caketryahaim
Created: Tue Sep 18 02:34:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gt0sq/any_tips_on_hating_yourself_less/
---
Finally back to restricting after a collosal binge-related weight gain. I've lost ~15 lbs and I'm at my lowest weight in 1.5 years. Clothes are looser, bones are starting to protrude, etc.
But I fucking hate myself so much. I hate how far I am from my GW. I hate that I'm at a "healthy weight". I hate how long it took me to stop bingeing.
I hate how I have to start from scratch again. I resent every calorie I eat and every time I'm too exhausted to burn a any of them off.
Every time I look at myself (which is often, yay body checks), all I can do is cry. I look like shit.
All the compliments and attention I'm starting to get are reminders of how much more everyone will like me at my GW. Just 40 fucking lbs to go. Urgh.
Who *doesn't* hate themselves like this? Anyone? How do y'all do it? Teach me plz. :(
[Other] Late night ramblings/prose about my body.
/u/TumericTea [5'4 | 143 | 24.5 | gw1: 120|18F]
Created: Tue Sep 18 01:38:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gsqwk/late_night_ramblingsprose_about_my_body/
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I know it is not healthy to feel powerful when I almost faint. When I stand up and get dizzy. When my hands shakes and stomach churns and body aches and groans. When my body begs for something and I laugh and ignore her. I want to crush this flaw in my system beneath my soon-to-be dainty feet. I want to destroy the stupid, pointless, desire to eat. I want to spit in the face of my hunger pangs, do a roundhouse kick and slap her ugly rearing head. Of course, if I tried to do those things I might pass out, but I’d be okay with that. I want people to worry. To have them to tell me to eat more. I want a boy to be able to pick me up like it is nothing and toss me on to the bed. I want people to look at me, at my bones, and admire my delicate, dangerous figure. I want to be so small i can drift away with no consequences, a leaf, a ladybug. My mind was weak and stupid, so my body will have to be strong. It will embrace the pain and eat when I say so, not when it tells me to. It will have to other option. I will starve it and beat it in to submission until it starts falling out beneath me and I am left with a vessel that is soft and sharp at the same time.
[Other] I would walk 10,000 steps~
/u/to-be-a-feather [5'2 | 100 | 18.3 | SW 130 | 19F]
Created: Tue Sep 18 00:40:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gsg4n/i_would_walk_10000_steps/
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Just spent over an hour pacing in my room starting at midnight so I could add another 10,000 steps on my chart. What a start to my day
Is your period irregular? And if so, at what point did it start to happen?
/u/existentialpanic
Created: Tue Sep 18 00:21:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gscfv/is_your_period_irregular_and_if_so_at_what_point/
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So, I'm not entirely sure if I belong here. I have ARFID (avoidant restrictive food intake disorder), and my weight loss is unintentional. So my apologies if my post doesn't fit with this subreddit. I realize we don't have the same issues.
Anyway, I'm extremely underweight (BMI of 13.7) and I'm obviously quite unhealthy. But my period is almost always on time, and with only a few exceptions I've gotten it every month. I've been severely underweight for six years now, and I've never had a problem with it. Is it only a matter of time before I stop having it?
On a similar note, when (if it became an issue at all) did hair loss come into play?
Can you guys remind me how important it is to be thin. Everyone says looks don't matter, but we know that's bullshit, right?
/u/Periwinkle_Panther
Created: Tue Sep 18 00:12:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gsanw/can_you_guys_remind_me_how_important_it_is_to_be/
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Thanks, I love you all.
[Other] shocked myself
/u/thirteencat [5'3" | CW: 109 | GW: 95 | BMI: 19.3 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 18 00:04:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gs8t0/shocked_myself/
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After a whole week of eating at/above maintenance I was sooooo anxious of weighing myself. But when I got on the scale today, I was at 108 (my lowest weight ever!!!) 😭
[Rant/Rave] poem i wrote while i was high(aka right now)
/u/smolbeanbaby [5'2 | 132 | 24.1 | 34 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 17 23:54:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gs6o2/poem_i_wrote_while_i_was_highaka_right_now/
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starvation
after a prolonged period with
insufficient nutrition, the human
body begins to consume muscle.
your heart, coincidentally,
is also a muscle.
perhaps this is why i fast,
in hopes that this form
will eat itself so much
that it blends into bone
and i won’t have to feel
with this damn heart anymore.
idk i’m really lonely and distressed rn and none of my friends are talking to me
Just had to check my cheekbones before I could decide what to have for dinner.
/u/wymwyn
Created: Mon Sep 17 23:52:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gs6bv/just_had_to_check_my_cheekbones_before_i_could/
---
Been ‘recovered’ for over 10 years and still catch these thoughts all the time. The ED gets quieter but it never ever leaves.
[Discussion] Too small for most clothes?
/u/ZygomaticArdvark
Created: Mon Sep 17 23:49:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gs5j5/too_small_for_most_clothes/
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I currently wear a size 00 in jeans (American Eagle is the only brand of jeans I wear) which is very confusing to me because I still want to lose more weight (CW 103). I'm a 5'1" shortie so size 00 isn't really impressive. I just don't understand what I'm supposed to wear once I get smaller, I'm already struggling to find clothes that fit. It just doesn't make sense because I feel so huge, but i can't find clothes small enough for me. Basically everything I try on is too big. Where on Earth are the girls thinner than me getting their clothes?
Any suggestions for clothes that might fit, or brands that run really small?
[Discussion] whats up with monster?
/u/problemproblem420 [5'6'' | 122 | 19.7 | 19F]
Created: Mon Sep 17 23:32:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gs21l/whats_up_with_monster/
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i only drink black coffee for energy and i've never tried monster because i feel like i won't like the taste--but i feel like everyone here LOVES it. what am i missing out on? does it give u more energy than coffee? does it taste amazing?
i hope this isnt dumb question. i obsess and research every "food" item i buy like many other disordered folks
[Rant/Rave] It's been forever since i've been able to lose body weight instead of just water weight and i'm losing my mind
/u/rocksnowls
Created: Mon Sep 17 23:31:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gs1u9/its_been_forever_since_ive_been_able_to_lose_body/
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I cannot find the balance between eating enough, eating the right foods, and pacing my eating in order to lose weight while also having a mind that is not obsessively thinking about food due to hunger. I'm enraged at myself over this. No matter how hard i crack down on a meal plan that should work, i only manage to lose water weight instead of body fat. Then i end up blackout-bingeing and gaining all the water weight back (plus undoubtedly some fat as well)
I don't know what to do. I have a slight urge to cut up the skin covering the fat on my inner thighs. I want to punish the parts of my body that dare disobey my deepest wish. I would do anything to become what i used to be.
(Don't worry about the drastic-sounding, self-destructive stuff i spew; the rational part of me is currently overpowering the stupid part)
Losing weight for a more angular face and defined features
/u/rkellz1
Created: Mon Sep 17 23:27:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gs15v/losing_weight_for_a_more_angular_face_and_defined/
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Is this anyone else's motivation??? Am I crazy?Like sure... I want to be a bit smaller. But higher looking cheekbones/more defined jawline and a thinner face seems to be my motivation at the moment?????
Introductory post and rave!
/u/EllieCross
Created: Mon Sep 17 23:12:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9grxwr/introductory_post_and_rave/
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I've been lurking here for quite some time and finally decided to create a throw away, so I could join.
I've been in a constant binge/ purge (not often, but when I am mentally not great)/ restrict cycle since I was 20 or so (I'm 23 now), although my ed tendencies started when I was 14. I lost like 20 kg. a few years back by restricting in what I thought was a healthy way (lol, living on Skyr and Monster Zero and sleeping 12 hours every day is way heathy, right guys?).
Anyways, since then I've been slowly gaining and I've gone from 60 to 68 kg. since last summer. My UG is 50-55. I'm 167 cm. I've really started to be disgusted with my body and myself and have been restricting for a few days before biinging on nachos/ pizza/ chips/ anything with carbs or cheese. It's been hell and I hate myself every goddamn time. I've also thrown up a lot more - especially when hungover, because then I could just tell people it was because of that (btw why do so many bulimics tend to have a dysfunctional relationship with alcohol too?).
Last week I decided "fuck this" and began restricting heavily and I've actually fucking kept going this time! (Except for Saturday when I was hungover af). I've kept below 400 calories a day for 8 days now and this weekend I joined a gym, so yesterday I ate 450 calories and worked out for an hour and a half (plus I biked to and from school) which burned 550. A negative day! That's fucking magical.
And you guys! I feel awesome! I sleep less and feel more energetic. I still hate my body and hate looking at it, but the self hatred simply motivates me to restrict more and burn more at the gym. My roommate is one of those "forgets to eat"-people and that's perfect, because she literally doesn't notice when I don't eat.
I think my newfound lack of obsession with food (I could spend days looking at food pictures, recipes, mukbangs, you name it) is partly due to me going off my birth control pills for the first time since I got on them at 14 (see the overlap?). I still get cravings, but not nearly as intense as they were when I was on birth control.
Unfortunately, I've got friends coming over for dinner tonight and tomorrow night, so I'm kind of dreading that. But I'll join have to go to the gym Thursday evening and Friday morning and fast.
I know I’m really fucked up when
/u/nukemily [5'2 | 128 | 23.59 | -5 | 16F]
Created: Mon Sep 17 23:11:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9grxkb/i_know_im_really_fucked_up_when/
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I joked that I was huge to the guy I’m fucking and he was like “no! my ex was a ...bigger girl”. and that shit made my month. more than when he said that i’m like eighty pounds. more than when he picks me up with ease. even more than when he told me i had the most perfect body he’d ever seen. it made me feel better than her. i hate how good this makes me feel.
[Discussion] 😘 😾😘 .sexy girls Invite you to FUCK them ...😘 😾😘 this rate, Virginia supplies the West,
/u/katelynl13
Created: Mon Sep 17 22:38:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9grq6l/sexy_girls_invite_you_to_fuck_them_this_rate/
---
http://5DUPYHxQ.redad.com.cn/?xdTt8s4LMGKzM60KKKgajtzsnAKCl8daDTJ46uqdLrlwJf1ksodZgp=mWLQ5JqbEwZX4LeBJpKslFt8ODf9P4nh3cdlmruR4SfsabLJYfGUFZKqQGK3h0eEnfCogVEiZYRH0lE9FwIZ6.jpg
[Rant/Rave] I wish I relapsed sooner
/u/Yoni1660
Created: Mon Sep 17 22:00:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9grh0w/i_wish_i_relapsed_sooner/
---
I got so fat. Now I have to start all over. I’m so tired of not being able to be comfortable in the clothes I used to wear. I hate myself.
[Other] TIFU at a Froyo shop
/u/Sockapoodledoo [5'4 | CW: 125 | GW: 115 | 25F]
Created: Mon Sep 17 21:59:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9grgqt/tifu_at_a_froyo_shop/
---
My favorite Frozen Yogurt place was offering “$5 unlimited yogurt and toppings” today. Naturally, I see this as a wonderful binge opportunity. I fucking love frozen yogurt.
So I go in and start planning all the different combinations I want to try. Load up my first bowl, tell them I’m doing the $5 unlimited whatever, sit down and go at it.
Turns out, $5 unlimited yogurt means “pile up all the yogurt and toppings as high as you can and regardless of how much it weighs, the most it will be is $5.” Not, “fill your bowl with yogurt and toppings, eat it, and refill it as many times as you want.”
I know this, because on my third trip back when I’m loading my bowl up with toppings, the employee comes out from the back and says “Excuse me miss, I’m sorry, but I think you misunderstood...” and politely tells me what $5 unlimited yogurt actually means.
Lmaooo. So I’m like “omg I’m so sorry I didn’t know I just assumed.” And he says it’s totally okay and just for next time so I know. Super nice. I want to die. So he disappears back to the back and I rush back over to the yogurt dispensers, fill up the rest of the bowl with yogurt, throw on even more toppings, and then quickly exit the building.
I had three more flavor combinations planned too. Damn.
Feels like Christmas...
/u/ihate-chicken [5’7” | 119 | 18.4 |]
Created: Mon Sep 17 21:59:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9grgqi/feels_like_christmas/
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I’m getting a new scale in the mail tomorrow and I’m so anxious but also so excited. I’m terrified that I’ve gained weight since I haven’t weighed myself in 4 weeks. Wish me luck that this doesn’t completely backfire!!
Low Calorie foods are so expensive!!! Ugh
/u/ketokitty13
Created: Mon Sep 17 21:53:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9grfhx/low_calorie_foods_are_so_expensive_ugh/
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At least the somewhat “fun” ones - I.e., PB2, low calorie bread, egg white cartons, yogurt, sugar free ANYTHING, all of the carbonated and flavored drinks, etc.
Do you guys have any foods that you like that help you with restricting but are also not more expensive than the alternative??
Questions- curious about everyone's answers about their ED
/u/FitCelery3 [5'7" | 118| 18| UGW 113 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 17 21:41:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9grcmy/questions_curious_about_everyones_answers_about/
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1. Who is unintentionally the most triggering person in your life?
2. In contrast, who would you recover for?
3. What body part are you proud of?
4. Does your therapist (if any) inspire you to recover... or lose weight?
5. Is there anyone on social media that inspires you to recover?
6. How does your S/O support you?
7. What food do you buy EVERY day?
8. Is there anyone you're losing weight "for"? Alternatively, who do you want to notice?
9. What celebrities do you know, for sure, have your same ED?
10. What was the chronology of your real descent into the darkness?
11. What's your plan right now?
12. What is your favorite zero-calorie drink? Your safe drink?
13. What is the thing you do to trigger yourself? OR what is the trigger you AVOID?
14. What was your highest and lowest moment? (I've see this asked before)
[Other] Out of hospital, again.
/u/robotsintrees [5'6 | 87.4lbs| 14 | Male]
Created: Mon Sep 17 21:27:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gr9b8/out_of_hospital_again/
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A week or 2 to get medically stable turned into 4 weeks on Psych.
I'm shocked that I only gained 6lbs (I'm at 89 right now; 84 or 85 when I was admitted, went down to 83 after the first weekend). Considering I was tube fed overnight for 3 weeks, eating (among other things) peanut butter and bran flakes every single day, and mostly on bed rest (I was using an electric wheelchair to get around). Still a solid 30 pounds to go to reach a reasonably acceptable weight for a grown man.
ED is a bugger.
[Help] How do I eat very little at school without anyone noticing?
/u/kaereddit
Created: Mon Sep 17 21:24:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gr8j1/how_do_i_eat_very_little_at_school_without_anyone/
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I’ve been plateauing for forever now I’m gaining. I don’t think a whoosh is coming I need to take matters into my own hands.
Re: the title how do I go about doing that best?
[Discussion] does an easy day of fasting make anyone anxious?
/u/goneralphio
Created: Mon Sep 17 21:22:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gr840/does_an_easy_day_of_fasting_make_anyone_anxious/
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I fasted today and it was surprisingly easy. It makes me anxious because I feel like I'm not doing enough. I need to feel the lightheadedness and feel sick to my stomach or I think I'm not going hard enough lol. I know it didn't happen but I'm always scared that I blacked out during the day and ate
any one else relate??
p.s. eat up it's good for you by two door cinema club just came on shuffle on spotify. lmao if this is a sign from a higher power they can go fuck off
[Rant/Rave] well, looks like it finally happened
/u/doesntmatterjusvntin
Created: Mon Sep 17 21:16:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gr6ji/well_looks_like_it_finally_happened/
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posting on an alt for my alt because this is so embarassing lmao! warning, this post is gross! i just need to tell someone????? i always told myself no, it could NEVER happen to me, i don't use lax, i'm not that bad, it's all good. but nope. yesterday i ate like 15 sugarfree hard candies in an attempt to purge my body of whatever food was left inside of me from my weekend binge and gotta say, it worked. i was pretty gassy for the rest of the night but all was well until a few hrs ago. i fasted til like 4 pm and then ended up eating some chicken broth, 2 mini rice cakes, some ketchup, 3 sugarfree jello cups, and a can of soup. ended up being less than 300 cals for all of it, but i felt extremely bloated and gross afterwards. i drank 2 cups of coffee before that as well so my guts were definitely a'rumblin. went to the bathroom, no BM or anything, all was well- til i went to the sink to wash my hands. suddenly, there was... warmth? unfamiliar warmth. yep, i shit myself! i fucking shit myself! i'm a god damned adult woman who shit herself today!!!!!!!!!!!!! i threw away the underwear i was wearing, laundered everything i was wearing, and immediately showered for like an hour and i still feel unclean. and you know what? i'm still not going to stop restricting, fasting, binging, and purging. not even LITERALLY SHITTING MYSELF is keeping me from recovering. i'm fucked, y'all. if your disordered behaviors are just now starting, please get help. this isn't pretty.
[Rant/Rave] A breakthrough!!!
/u/Contron_2
Created: Mon Sep 17 21:10:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gr4xo/a_breakthrough/
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Dude, Im so jazzed. (And I know that today isn't the small achievement day, but I just need to share my excitement)
Now I don't want to jinx it, but today was the first day in MONTHS I ate under 700 cal. Now this might seem like a lot, but keep in mind that I have been in a 1500-3000 cal /day binge cycle for the past few months. I feel like I am finally gaining control again. This is a clean slate for me.
Wish me luck with this. \(;u;\)
[Help] (tmi) I'm really worried about tomorrow
/u/lemonpepperfresh [5'1 | CW 117 | GW 92]
Created: Mon Sep 17 21:09:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gr4p5/tmi_im_really_worried_about_tomorrow/
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So since yesterday I've only had water, a white monster, chicken broth and tea. So ( this is the Tmi part) an hour after I had the broth and the tea I got really watery diarrhea... and im worried its gonna happen again tomorrow at work :( I don't really know what to do, should I just break my fast and eat something solid?? it hasn't even been 24 hrs yet...
I purged for the first time and I feel both exhilarated and scared
/u/Newthrowyacct
Created: Mon Sep 17 21:00:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gr2cq/i_purged_for_the_first_time_and_i_feel_both/
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I've struggled with binge eating for a couple of years now. It's gotten worse in the past year, and I've gained about 20 pounds because of it. I've never purged before. I've never thought of it really.
A few days ago I started feeling nauseous, kind of like I wanted to throw up. And then I tried to make myself???? But I didn't, so I was like "Ok whatever." But then it happened a couple more times, I felt nauseous and tried to make myself throw up but couldn't. The nausea kind of helped with my binge eating, because I legitimately didn't want to eat.
But I just binged. And I just tried to make myself throw up. And I did a little. It wasn't a lot, but I know that doesn't matter, because I tried to again almost immediately.
I used to self harm in the past by cutting. And I feel exactly like how I did then, when I first started. That exhilaration. Fear.
I'm older now. I regret all of my cutting. I regret all of my scars. I know I do NOT want to go down this self harming path again. So why am I here?????
fuck meal plans
/u/turtlecaulif
Created: Mon Sep 17 20:58:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gr1uv/fuck_meal_plans/
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I’m in college and really struggling. It’s so easy to go to the dining hall and eat so much food. Or go to the burger place on campus. Or the ice cream place. Once I start eating it’s so hard to stop. I feel like I’m wasting my money because I paid for the meals if I don’t eat. I miss the summer :( no temptation. I could go all day on 400 calories but now I feel like I eat 2000+ every fucking day and I hate myself for it. I already see myself ballooning and it’s been 3 weeks. I could have lost 10+ pounds but now I’ve probably gained 10+.
Does anyone have advice?
[Rant/Rave] long distance SO :-/
/u/vanilla-cola
Created: Mon Sep 17 20:52:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gr0bs/long_distance_so/
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I’m going to see the love of my life in a couple months for the first in time 7 months and I’m stoked!!!
the thing Is that I really wanted to be thinner. or at the very least, at a point where I could feel okay about myself. i guess I still have time to get there, but I’m getting down and out about it
for the record, he doesn’t care and he’s told me so many times how he thinks I’m beautiful. he’s the safest place in my life and I’m so thankful for it—but it doesn’t stop the ED voices in my head.
anyways, just a vent I guess. I want to be small when I see him.
[Help] fuck????
/u/itsyaboifranzi [5'0| 105.6 lbs | 20.6 | ~20 lbs | F]
Created: Mon Sep 17 20:50:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gqzqh/fuck/
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so ive been weighing myself daily and i ate more than normal like a few days ago, (like the food's weight i mean, it was still under what i burn daily) and ive been at 111lbs since. i mean at the time i was like, "okay i feel disgusting but i probably wont gain from this, just let it pass and i'll be lighter again??" and its been so long and im still fucking 111 im so frustrated. did i gain??? is it just bloat??? is my period starting on time for once??? what the fuck is going on????
also i think i look somewhat the same?? i mean im still fat but everything looks about the same and my measurements are about the same too, does it mean that when/if the bloating or whatever the fuck it is goes away i'll be thinner?? im so confused and i dont know what to do... is it even reasonable to gain 5lbs just from period bloat or am i just gonna have to (almost) start over?? is my scale just fucked??? what is going o n
[Rant/Rave] Forgiving myself
/u/grapedates
Created: Mon Sep 17 20:41:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gqxee/forgiving_myself/
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Today was not great. I ate a piece of cake at work and purged as well. Came home- binged on about ~2000 calories, purging once in the middle. I’m not going to purge again, my mouth hurts too much. I’m so tired. I’m trying to forgive myself for all of this, telling myself that tomorrow is a fresh start. Eating normally.
Let’s hope 🤞
[Rant/Rave] Today I went to Menchies 3 different times and did 3 hours and 20 minutes of cardio on the elliptical
/u/lynnB123
Created: Mon Sep 17 20:39:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gqwy7/today_i_went_to_menchies_3_different_times_and/
---
Everything is fine and I totally have a grip on reality lmao
[Help] I’m sick of bingeing every night - I need to start an extended fast tomorrow, tips for a first time?
/u/mormoninquisition [F 5’3 | CW 126| BMI 22.95 | GW 110]
Created: Mon Sep 17 20:38:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gqwo8/im_sick_of_bingeing_every_night_i_need_to_start/
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I’ve binged the last three nights. Tracking on MFP for 90 days but I’m still gaining and losing the same five pounds.
I’m fucking sick of it. How fat I feel after. I would purge if I could, but for the fucking life of me I can’t make myself throw up.
I want to do an extended fast. Partially to prove that I can, mostly to lose that stupid five pounds. And hopefully I’ll be better at sticking to my limit after. I’ve tried before, but I can’t seem to make it past 24 hours. Any tips? I’m already ECY stacking, it helps, but I think I need to take it at night too, which is when I get the hungriest.
Just found this community, amazed at all the support 🖤
[Rant/Rave] no longer a borderline diabetic? celebrate with cake!
/u/poppybasket [5’11 | 134 | 19 | 17F]
Created: Mon Sep 17 20:09:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gqott/no_longer_a_borderline_diabetic_celebrate_with/
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my relatives’ repulsive food habits probably play a role in my disgust with food and fear of weight gain, but that isn’t really the main topic at hand.
i don’t know much about how diabetes works, but one of my relatives apparently just narrowly avoided the diagnosis by lowering her A1C levels and is celebrating by gorging on some chocolate cake. a huge piece, at that. i’m just so incredibly confused as to how someone could be okay with being her size and eating that way, barely avoiding a lifelong condition as a result, and still not learning anything about healthy eating? (i understand the irony in someone who considers a cup of lettuce and a 0 cal energy drink a sufficient meal calling another person unhealthy, but jesus christ.)
in addition to this, this same relative tries to lecture me on my eating habits and has suggested that once i move out i’ll probably put on some weight. hell no. drown in chocolate syrup asshat.
I hate that I "recovered" from my ED
/u/dontgotofargo
Created: Mon Sep 17 20:04:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gqnlu/i_hate_that_i_recovered_from_my_ed/
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I lost about 30lbs back in 2014 after a few months of restricting/vomiting almost every day. I ended up "recovering" by switching most of my disordered eating habits with drinking. I became an alcoholic. Naturally, I gained a fuck ton of weight.
I'm sober now, and am only really coming to terms with what I've done to my body. In 4 years, I ended up gaining around 100lbs. I became exactly what I always (wrongly) feared I was - obese - and didn't even realise it until it was too late.
In the four months I've been sober, I've managed to lose 20lbs, but I still feel like I'm making no progress and I feel so fucking disgustingly disappointed in myself. I can't stand to look at myself, I hate getting dressed or shopping or being touched or looked at. I want so badly to be where I was 4 years ago, but it seems like it's going to be so long before I get there - ***if*** I can get there.
I used to feel scared that I would end up replacing drinking with disordered eating, but I welcome it with open arms now. I need to gain control. I need to be thin again. I'm really sad right now, and I can't wait for things to get better once I lose more weight.
[Discussion] Other People and Food
/u/littledahmer [5'5" |CW: 120 | HW: 165 |BMI: 20 | -45 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 17 20:02:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gqmz9/other_people_and_food/
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DAE get offended, or just feel bad in general when someone says they don’t want to eat.
Like, when you’re hungry and don’t want to eat alone so you ask someone “do you want anything” and they say no. It sounds silly and stupid, but it always makes me feel bad when I’m the only one eating.
I don’t like being the only one eating because I always feel like a fatass. I can only feel calm if the person eats with me. It’s as if I’m trying to make myself feel better about being hungry and wanting to eat.
If someone else is eating, it’s like “don’t worry, you’re not the only one getting fat”. I’m curious to know if others feel this way.
First time trying this. Can’t wait to inevitably eat it in one sitting.
/u/butterscotch_puddin
Created: Mon Sep 17 19:49:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gqjk5/first_time_trying_this_cant_wait_to_inevitably/
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https://i.redd.it/ps04hqyikwm11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] Ok I’m slightly freaking out
/u/genericdietcola
Created: Mon Sep 17 19:49:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gqjiu/ok_im_slightly_freaking_out/
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So I’ve been really really low restricting for about a week now (60-300 calories a day). I’m a college student and I live on campus, so it’s easy to avoid junk and not have anyone bother me about food. Tonight my parents took me out to dinner which was very nice, so I decided to not worry as much about what I ate. I still looked up ahead of time and found the lowest calorie meal, but I ate a bowl of soup, a breadstick, about 1/2 of the meal, and then I threw caution to the wind and get dessert. That’s the one thing I didn’t plan for ahead of time, so I just picked something and ate the whole thing. Come home to find out it was close to 900 calories!
I’m trying to reassure myself, it’s just one day, it won’t make me gain tomorrow. I still ate under my maintenance which is a huge 2,400 and I went to the gym today and had my lunch as my single calorie. I know overall I’ll be fine but that 900 just threw me through a huge loop and I’m just all over the place in my head. I ate so much today and I don’t want to keep doing that. I can’t gain weight.
[Discussion] anyone else have songs not about EDs that still act as thinspo for you?
/u/luckyskunk [5'4|19 f| cw: blastoise | gw: alakazam]
Created: Mon Sep 17 19:32:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gqez2/anyone_else_have_songs_not_about_eds_that_still/
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i was just thinking about this last night and now i lowkey wanna make a playlist for them lmao.
for me it's Rumors by Neffex \[[x](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXptPzKNMq4&ab_channel=NEFFEXMusic)\] & Cola Song by INNA \[[x](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLyfA3g8Lo4)\]. the first is singing about a girl that's basically my entire goal aesthetic, and it's def. my fav.
anyone else? 😂
It wasn’t a binge, but it felt like it.
/u/Flesh-And-Bone [Too Short | Too Fat | Too Old | Duderino]
Created: Mon Sep 17 19:29:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gqdyr/it_wasnt_a_binge_but_it_felt_like_it/
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Saturday I was hungry. So hungry. It was an unconquerable hunger. I had to eat because I was working long hours, so I ate...and ate...and ate... Greek yogurt, berries, apples, two enormous salads, beans, carrots, green beans, eggs, a turkey sandwich, protein bars, steak, the list goes on. It must have been like 4,000 calories total, and none of it was junk food. It was all healthy, nutritious crap, and at the end of the night, I could have eaten more.
It was awful. I felt like a fat, gluttonous, disgusting pig. I wasn’t out of control. I could have stopped myself, but I was hungry, and I rationalized it by it being healthy.
I didn’t eat a single bite of junk food. My stomach wasn’t painfully full. I was just hungry, and it’s frightening to think that my hunger is the equivalent of a binge.
[Rant/Rave] fast all day, gain 2 lbs.
/u/tifaloch
Created: Mon Sep 17 19:13:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gq9h8/fast_all_day_gain_2_lbs/
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just as the title says. i’m just pissed. i literally have fasted all day. i ate nothing yesterday, just drank 800 calories of alcohol. get home, weigh self... 2.2 lbs up.
hurray.
somebody tell me it’s lying before i destroy my restricting streak with a binge. 😖😫
[Intro] Introduction post
/u/strawberriesnsymone
Created: Mon Sep 17 19:02:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gq6i4/introduction_post/
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I've been lurking for a while but I just decided to actually make an account.
So I'm Symone, I've been struggling with anorexia and bulimia for 7 years. In February I was hospitalized and then went to IOP, and then I relapsed and now I have to go back to IOP. That's pretty much where I'm at right now. I don't want to go back, but my husband is making me. Maybe I can make this time the time I actually recover.
Anyway, it's nice to meet all of you! :)
[Help] How to get back on track?
/u/vitalogy95 [5'5" | CW: 155 | BMI: 25.79 | GW: 115 | HW: 176]
Created: Mon Sep 17 18:45:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gq1rt/how_to_get_back_on_track/
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I was doing great for 10 months and then I just got off track and starting messing up. I start my day with good intentions and then I get depressed and eat and then I get depressed for eating and eat more. It’s like a chain reaction and I end up hating myself by the end of the day.
How can I get back in control? I feel completely out of control right now and it’s consuming my every thought.
[Tip] don’t ever purge meat. ever. i just had one of the worst purging experiences
/u/everybhodyhurt
Created: Mon Sep 17 18:42:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gq0yt/dont_ever_purge_meat_ever_i_just_had_one_of_the/
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i used to do a lot of binging and purging late 2016-/early 2017. i broke the cycle for awhile but fell deep back into binging. i stuffed my face every chance i got. i haven’t purged in months...
i ate a large portion of chili, carelessly. i felt awful and i forced myself to purge. i told myself i needed it. it was so much force that midway through my purge i choked, my stomach felt tight and it all came out within seconds. i was so lightheaded right after that i had fallen and hit my head on the bathtub. granted, i was on my knees so hitting my head wasn’t too awful but i was out for at least 5 minutes. my cheeks are flushed and are bright red, my throat is burning and my head is aching. honestly I’m 99% sure it was due to all the steak content... i hate myself
My boyfriend just told me i felt so little
/u/edanon7
Created: Mon Sep 17 18:39:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gq0c9/my_boyfriend_just_told_me_i_felt_so_little/
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He just came home from work and I gave him a hug and he held me a bit and told me I feel so little now!! oh my god I could cry!! I feel like it's kinda fucked up but I'm so happy!!
[Rant/Rave] Idk what I expected
/u/muesally
Created: Mon Sep 17 18:38:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gpzwl/idk_what_i_expected/
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I told the boy i like about my ED and idk why??? Like I really don’t know what reaction I want when i tell people. He basically tells me i’m already attractive and I don’t need to lose anything but all that does is piss me off bc I do. But i also don’t think I want him to call me fat...idk what i want from this 🙃
[Discussion] Group chat?
/u/breebunny88
Created: Mon Sep 17 18:38:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gpzvo/group_chat/
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Does anyone want to get a group chat going? Discussing our struggles, thoughts, how do deal with ED’s...??
Xx
[Help] how to deal with feeling lightheaded?
/u/seeyasis
Created: Mon Sep 17 18:37:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gpztb/how_to_deal_with_feeling_lightheaded/
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i’ve had no appetite for the past wee while (thank god, makes my life easier) so i’ve been living off 0 cal drinks. i’m so light headed and out of it it feels like i’ve smoked something!!! what can i do to make it go away???
Better to go back to restricting after a binge or fast until you've evened out calories?
/u/lostandlonley333
Created: Mon Sep 17 18:37:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gpzp8/better_to_go_back_to_restricting_after_a_binge_or/
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From experience which is more effective?
[Rant/Rave] when the first laxative shit u’ve taken in days doesnt stick to the toilet bowl
/u/2ndfirstday [5'5" | 101 lbs | 16.8 BMI | -3 lbs | F]
Created: Mon Sep 17 18:36:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gpzja/when_the_first_laxative_shit_uve_taken_in_days/
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👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
[Discussion] What vitamins do you take?
/u/FeatherMahogany59
Created: Mon Sep 17 18:33:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gpyra/what_vitamins_do_you_take/
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I know they’re no replacement for food, but I still like taking them as a precaution, and because my skin and nails always look better! But a lot of them make me sick (even if I take them with food). Do you guys take vitamins? What kind?
[Rant/Rave] (Rant) 7 days of fasting to lose only 3 pounds?!?!?
/u/happy_but_unhappy [5'9 |CW 118.8 | 17.5 | GW 110]
Created: Mon Sep 17 18:24:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gpw56/rant_7_days_of_fasting_to_lose_only_3_pounds/
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So.... this is fkn rude.... Say my TDEE is 1500 a day.... if I fast for 7 days does that mean technically I'll only lose 3 lbs???? Are you kidding Me????? No! That's not fair.... all that work for 3 lbs? But yet it's so easy to put on what the hell I'm so angry at this
Wait gals but gum is actually really high calorie
/u/prettyplease2468 [5'5 | CW: 111.2lb | BMI: 18.5 | GW: 107 | SW: 124 | 18F]
Created: Mon Sep 17 18:12:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gpsyy/wait_gals_but_gum_is_actually_really_high_calorie/
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So I'm guilty of eating like 20 pieces of gum a day and I'm thinking
5 cals per piece * 20 pieces = 100 cals
20 pieces is tiny volume
Smh justeatingdisorderthings
When you’ve got a friend coming you might fuck and you were skinny the last time they saw you...
/u/whenTheWreckRambles
Created: Mon Sep 17 18:09:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gpry1/when_youve_got_a_friend_coming_you_might_fuck_and/
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Time for a strict regimen of protein powder and stimulants
[Help] throat hurting when i speak
/u/polieusses
Created: Mon Sep 17 18:02:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gpq44/throat_hurting_when_i_speak/
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ive been fasting for 19 hours, i only drank water with some lemon juice (no sugar) and then took a nap. now i woke up and my throat hurts when i talk!!! i don't know what to do. i just ate a little bit to try to calm this down!!
[Rant/Rave] Freaking out
/u/cntrxpy
Created: Mon Sep 17 17:53:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gpnre/freaking_out/
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I’ve been sticking to 900 a day trying to break the b/p cycle I’ve been in
Today I was feeling shitty and just didn’t eat at all
When I woke up this morning I was 198 and I just weighed myself and I’m 203
I’m honestly at the end of my fucking rope I miss when I used to go weeks without breaking 500 cals a day
I can’t believe I look like this an weight this much I hate myself more than I can say
Shower thought: under all this fat I must have some wicked abs from purging
/u/BEDBulimic [153cm | CW: 55.8 | GW1: 55 | -8.2 | 20F]
Created: Mon Sep 17 17:52:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gpniv/shower_thought_under_all_this_fat_i_must_have/
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Shame I’ll never see them hahahahaha fuck
I can't fast anymore?
/u/birdsbirdsbirds339 [25F| 160cm | gw1: 137 | -26]
Created: Mon Sep 17 17:52:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gpnhd/i_cant_fast_anymore/
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Lately whenever I try to liquid fast I always feel super nauseous and on the verge of tossing my cookies by noon. Typically I start a fast by drinking a coffee with 15ml cream and 2 packs of stevia. Could it be the caffeine on an empty stomach? The caffeine never bothered me before, wtf stomach?? :^ (
[Help] Munchies and ED?
/u/coffeebean27
Created: Mon Sep 17 17:51:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gpn9y/munchies_and_ed/
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LIKE HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH IT?!?! I binge so fucking bad when I smoke weed... I feel awful later but my bf is always there so it’s not like I can go throw it up. Any tips or tricks you guys have? Fuck i really don’t want to gain weight and am stressing. Also we usually make out or fuck and I love it but there are moments (after I eat like crap) in which I feel so insecure but then i forget. But yeah I kinda just want to know how you guys deal with it.
[Rant/Rave] [RAVE] Bless you vegetable broth!
/u/Thtcrazygiraffe
Created: Mon Sep 17 17:50:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gpn0x/rave_bless_you_vegetable_broth/
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Omg. Vegetable broth tastes sooooo freaking good right now. I’ve fasted all day so I’m feeling a little light headed, but want to get a work out before bed so I made a cup of broth (10 calories). Let me tell you. The saltiness feels so good on my tongue, I even added more salt to the broth and had a magnesium pill for extra electrolytes. It feels so weird but so good to subside a craving without feeling like I ate!!
[Rant/Rave] Fuck recovery is hard
/u/NeutralSmithHotel [6'1.4 | CW: 179 | BMI: 23.4 | Weight Lost: -191| M]
Created: Mon Sep 17 17:50:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gpmw4/fuck_recovery_is_hard/
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I am eating 2000 calories today. I lifted for 1.5 hours, but agreed not to walk more to burn off extra calories. This whole week I'm supposed to eat 2000 calories everyday (my maintenance is like 2800-2900 without much extra walking, but I had been eating 900). It's so weird how much food that feels like to me... Fuck.
[Rant/Rave] Someone called me anorexic today
/u/arinisbored
Created: Mon Sep 17 17:48:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gpmfk/someone_called_me_anorexic_today/
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He made a joke how there’s “two anorexic people at the table” (referring to me and my bf) and i don’t know how to feel. Should I be happy? Sad? I’m confused. I don’t like it and I don’t want him to make jokes like that anymore. But i am flattered he didn’t think I was fat.
[Rant/Rave] Restricting high to avoid binging and purging and the weight is coming off SO SLOWLY
/u/LillyWhiteAndFrozen [5'4 | 165 lbs | -12 lbs |28.88 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 17 17:39:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gpjvl/restricting_high_to_avoid_binging_and_purging_and/
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It hardly feels worth it and I get so frustrated. I really, really don't want to binge and purge anymore. I don't want to binge at all. At this rate, I won't reach my goal weight FOR OVER A YEAR FROM NOW.
It's so hard not to just throw my hands up and say fuck it, I guess I will just be a huge whale forever and people can keep congratulating me on how successfully I recovered from my eating disorder. Jesus Christ.
I was underweight once upon a time. I was legitimately skinny and pretty and my hair was bigger than my waist. I can't believe how hard it is to get back to that. I feel so hopeless and lazy and helpless.
Most of all, I feel like a fat fucking fraud.
[Discussion] DAE wish they had an ED as a kid?
/u/ManWithTheHands [6'5" | HW-333 CW-242 GW-220 | 26.68 (so close) | -92 | 19M]
Created: Mon Sep 17 17:38:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gpjec/dae_wish_they_had_an_ed_as_a_kid/
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Like, I just wish that, when i was 13 or something, i starved myself half to death. This is weighing so hard on me right now (no pun intended).
Someone please just mutilate all the fat off my body, thanks 🙃
Bulimia support -- information from my dentist
/u/gigi-has-issues [5'9"| CW 155| GW 115| F]
Created: Mon Sep 17 17:28:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gpglf/bulimia_support_information_from_my_dentist/
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I am very open about my bulimia given my age (29) and I wanted to share some harm reduction tips from my dentist. I've had easily more than $10K (probably $20K....) in restoration, so I take this really seriously.
​
There is conflicting info online about what to do after you purge. I had one dentist tell me to chew tums. Some internet sources say to brush your teeth right after, others say not to.
​
I have a new dentist and I can tell she really knows her shit. She told me to rinse with ALKALINE water (you can get from health food stores) and then maybe 15 minutes later use ACT mouthwash (the remineralization kind). Do NOT use baking soda or tums or anything else like that as it will destroy your enamel--it is too harsh. DO NOT BRUSH YOUR TEETH. Do not use whitening tooth paste ever as it will scrub off the top layer of enamel. Do not drink anything acidic, like water with lemon, diet sodas, etc. She prescribed me a tooth paste with extra fluoride. I highly recommend you guys ask about this if you have "weak enamel". You don't even need to say you are bulimic. Just ask about your enamel quality and request a prescription. It's about $10 more, but will spare you a lot in tooth restoration.
Someone to talk to
/u/evaa98
Created: Mon Sep 17 17:26:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gpfz9/someone_to_talk_to/
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Hey 🙂 as most of you I don't really have anyone to talk about my ed or thoughts, because no one really understands me. That's why I would really like to find someone to talk to, maybe on here. Of course it would be very good if you are kind of in the same position as I am (that we can understand each other)
Some things about me:
- 20 years old
- history of restricting/anorexia (since age 12 I think)
- just got a lot worse again a few month ago
- I want to be healthy but I think I am not quite mentally ready to stop right now
- feeling really bad when eating (and not being able to stop eating when I do)
Just comment or message me :)
[Discussion] DAE have a memory of realizing how attractive your ED body is? What is it?
/u/leezyleezy [5'5 | CW: 115.5 | BMI: 19.2 | GW: 105 | -35 lbs | 17F]
Created: Mon Sep 17 17:16:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gpd9e/dae_have_a_memory_of_realizing_how_attractive/
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Last year, I was in bed with a guy. We'd had sex before, but I don't think he'd seen my body in its entirety without clothes on at that point, and I am definitely someone who looks better that way. I was completely naked, and I got out of bed to get my phone from across the room. I remember that after I grabbed my phone, I stood there for a moment checking my notifications, and from across the room, he said to me: "wow leezy, I don't think I've ever noticed how fucking perfect your body is." I looked back at him and he was just staring at me like he couldn't believe I actually looked that way. Even when I got back into bed, he kept looking at me. Usually, I feel really self-conscious when people look at me like that, but there was something so genuine about the way he looked I knew he wasn't just saying it. It sounds stupid, but I freaking loved it .
Before then, I thought my body was just average, and that no amount of starving myself would ever make me perfect in other people's eyes. I only did it to make myself less ugly. But after that, I realized that people love my body when I'm thin. I saw for the first time that if I lose the right amount of weight, I CAN have the perfect body. I was 115 at that point (I'm 123 now), so I was significantly skinnier. Five months later, I started gaining weight and actually made it up to 131, but I am in the process of losing it again, and I'm 8 lbs closer to where I want to be.
Whenever I feel shitty, I think about that moment, and I remember how attractive I felt. It serves as my motivation for getting thin again, and it makes me realize how attractive my ED body actually is.
I'm curious to know if anybody else has had a similar experience, whether it was someone else's comment or simply just looking in the mirror. Either way, I want to hear your story: when did you realize how attractive skinny looks on you, and how?
[Rant/Rave] I threw up but I still feel full
/u/itsforathrowawaynext
Created: Mon Sep 17 17:09:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gpb90/i_threw_up_but_i_still_feel_full/
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Basically the title. I threw up but still feel huge. I can't get past feeling like a huge cow. Just needed somewhere to rant.
When you’re in bio class and realize that you don’t need a tapeworm...
/u/Wigforfire [5'2 | 100.3 | 18.89 | 30lbs | Female]
Created: Mon Sep 17 17:03:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gp9ki/when_youre_in_bio_class_and_realize_that_you_dont/
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...because you already have all the physical and mental complications associated with someone who has one 😬
[Help] How to avoid constipation while fasting
/u/citrus_juuiice
Created: Mon Sep 17 17:02:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gp9ea/how_to_avoid_constipation_while_fasting/
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I’m 24 hours into a 48 hour fast and have only had a small poop. How do I get rid of poop weight without eating?
All i want right now is buy a lot of chocolate.
/u/elevenosix__ [158 cm| 44kg | 17 | 10kg | F]
Created: Mon Sep 17 16:56:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gp7ec/all_i_want_right_now_is_buy_a_lot_of_chocolate/
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I am so hungry. I don't even think I'd b/p i'd just eat 2000 calories worth of chocolate and take laxatives.
Someone stop because i swear to god im gonna be angry af if i binge. But i'm so hungry and desperate for food.
Who else has an infatuation with the fashion industry because it's a socially acceptable outlet for your desire to stare at gorgeously thin women that you simultaneously love because of their perfect stature and gaunt faces but hate because you will never be as tall and thin as them? 🙃
/u/kenziixoxo
Created: Mon Sep 17 16:29:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gozq5/who_else_has_an_infatuation_with_the_fashion/
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Just wondering.
More or less sexual after e.d?
/u/faddermarn
Created: Mon Sep 17 16:16:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gow5m/more_or_less_sexual_after_ed/
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I myself have become way more. Like I use it for self affirmation or whatever it is called also. But the drive is high. Some last thing may have accentuated that. A friend of mine she became asexual. So idk ?
[Rant/Rave] so sad and upset
/u/chicagorie [5'7"|GW 108 |CW want 2 die|F]
Created: Mon Sep 17 16:14:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9govlu/so_sad_and_upset/
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I know i'm new here, but I just have to get it out there that I am just so struggling today. I went to therapy and just felt worse after. I was talking about needing to/feeling like I need to lose weight and my therapist (who knows about my ED) kind of in a round about way agreed with me I think. I cant even remember now because I was so spaced during it, but as I drove home I was great, even my therapist thinks I'ma fat worthless slob. (she said something like shes more for body acceptance and that being better than if she were to focus on helping me lose weight....but again IDRK). It just makes me feel more worthless and helpless and hopeless. I need to lose weight fast....like I'm wondering how to break my jaw so I can get it wired shut, or something. I cannot keep living like this.
So sorry for this post, I know it's whiney and rambling. I also had to take my Xanax (as prescribed to me) d/t having a panic attack so that can make me rambling too. Thanks if you read this far.
Are there any brands/products that publish calorie counts you just don't believe?
/u/peacecorpsquestion3
Created: Mon Sep 17 16:14:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9govkf/are_there_any_brandsproducts_that_publish_calorie/
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I absolutely refuse to accept that one Auntie-Anne's parmesan and garlic pretzel is 380 calories. That thing has gotta be like 800.
[Rant/Rave] I got jealous of a mouse...
/u/Rosebug1717
Created: Mon Sep 17 16:14:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9govjj/i_got_jealous_of_a_mouse/
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My bf snapped a picture of a mouse he found outside and my sister was like “looks like my sister (aka me)” and he goes “it’s skinnier”. My sister runs and tells me and I kid you not I gasped out loud. I was completely offended when he was obviously joking but I still took it to heart and played it off as a joke. I even sent him a series of half serious texts about how he will never get me back. Ha ha ha HA HA HA. I need help for real.
[Other] BF is bringing home food so...
/u/moonchldx [5'1'' | 114.4 | 21.7 | -11lbs | F | ]
Created: Mon Sep 17 16:08:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gotzg/bf_is_bringing_home_food_so/
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I’m popping an addy knowing it’s late in the day and I probably won’t sleep!
😭
[Discussion] Does anyone else's stomach make weird gurgles and noises immediately after eating?
/u/xanmanorbartard
Created: Mon Sep 17 16:05:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9got62/does_anyone_elses_stomach_make_weird_gurgles_and/
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It's like the sound of the start of digestion. I swear I can also feel food and liquid and waste moving around in my abdomen when this happens. It might happen every meal, I'm not sure, I don't notice it all the time. Weird and slightly uncomfortable.
Caramel...
/u/cherryxnut
Created: Mon Sep 17 15:58:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9goqu5/caramel/
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I LOVE soft caramel. Chocolate covered caramel. But I can’t find any low calorie enough for me to feel ok about and I sure as hell cant purge it. I’m lying in bed, first day of uni tomorrow, drooling over the thought of caramel. Fml
[Discussion] Come commiserate - break up/ stress weight loss!
/u/subtleskeleton
Created: Mon Sep 17 15:47:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gonpk/come_commiserate_break_up_stress_weight_loss/
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Girlfriend and I are on the verge of breaking up and it’s making me cry daily but ALSO, I have no appetite and no binge urge so I’m dropping weight like craaaaaaazy. Any one else out there losing weight due to stress or break ups? Tell me all about it!
[Help] I wish I could undo yesterday.
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | CW: 114 | GW:105 | UGW 100 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 17 15:40:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9golph/i_wish_i_could_undo_yesterday/
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So last week I went from 121 to 114. Now I’m back at 117 because i binged kn goldfish while high. I’ve been drinking water all day and now at points I’m up to 120. I want to die. I’m so fat. I undid all of that work. Now I’m fasting today, tomorrow and Thursday to get back at it. I feel so mad at myself right now it’s all I can think about. I’m just hoping I can get down before I go home and inevitably have to eat. I have a head ache and no energy but I don’t care I have to undo yesterday’s damage.
Just made stacks of french toast
/u/coffeecreamer06
Created: Mon Sep 17 15:22:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gogfb/just_made_stacks_of_french_toast/
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But I'm not eating any of it. Lmao, has anyone here watched The Office? Remember that episode where Michael has this nervous break down after quitting hos job to pursue his own paper company and makes breakfast until Pam stops him? 😂😂😂 my kitchen except all the food is for my SO and his mom and maybe I'll see if any of my SO's friends want any. But me? I've got this alcohol here I waited all week for, watching beauty guru videos on youtube. ✨
[Rant/Rave] I notice our society getting more body positive and thats great and everything, of course I want people to be happy, but whenever I see/hear nythng like "Love your body at any size! Big girls are sexy too!" Yada yada, I always think 'thats bullshit'. I hated being fat, so so much.
/u/HellloHannah
Created: Mon Sep 17 15:21:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gofw6/i_notice_our_society_getting_more_body_positive/
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https://i.redd.it/yhaqr24m8vm11.png
[Rant/Rave] I’ve made myself intolerant to Diet Coke sweetener
/u/anthrthrowawayreddit
Created: Mon Sep 17 15:12:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9godec/ive_made_myself_intolerant_to_diet_coke_sweetener/
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I have no idea how I’m going to stay sane. Whenever I restrict, I go out and have refillable drinks. It means I get to enjoy being in a restaurant with my mum, and all the flavours are like a buffet; many days, it’s the only sweet thing I allow myself.
Now I’m lying here trying to hug away the nausea and bloated feeling from lunch :(
Can someone find something heavy to drop on my head (possibly my CW) and end my pain?
Feel bad without EC :(
/u/peachapplecake
Created: Mon Sep 17 15:12:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9god7m/feel_bad_without_ec/
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I have been taking EC stack once a day for the past 2 months and lost about 10 lbs so far. I stopped taking it last week and gained a pound. While I was off it, I noticed I felt more shitty and unmotivated. I also felt like I’m less pleasant for people to be around. So I started taking it again today and upped my dose. I don’t know what to do. I think the EC improves my mood and makes people like me more. But I don’t want to take it forever. I hate who I am without EC… Is there anything else that can make me feel better?
[Rant/Rave] A pair of sneakers made me want to cry
/u/wrappedinlust
Created: Mon Sep 17 14:54:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9go7kc/a_pair_of_sneakers_made_me_want_to_cry/
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So, i wanted a pair of ugly sneakers that i saw in a store. I wasn't sure about them, because they were pretty colourful and i usually don't wear colours. So, i send a photo of the shoes to my group chat with my friends, asking for opinions, and one of them told me, essentialy, that i was to fat for them, that they are supposed to be worn by girls with thing and long legs. I know she didn't said it in a bad way, but it triggered me so much i want to cry right now.
IM SO FAT THAT I CAN'T EVEN WEAR A PAIR OF SHOES THAT ARE UGLIER THAN ME.
[Rant/Rave] Unnoticed victory
/u/AnActualBagofLard
Created: Mon Sep 17 14:48:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9go5xa/unnoticed_victory/
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Two months ago I was at 151lbs. Almost obese at my height. I started to “recover” and in half a year gained 40 pounds. I felt secure and kept eating. I have very recently discovered my boyfriend of 5 years was cheating for almost the entire relationship. In my weird fucked up way that motivated me. Today I weighed at 135, I’m barely overweight in stats now but look a million times heavier than before. Somehow, no one has noticed the weight drop so far, but I am not going to stop. Thank you for reading my rant, stay safe everyone.
[Rant/Rave] Stopped myself from binging again!
/u/NovANDP [5'2' / 150 lb / 27.4 bmi / Neutrois]
Created: Mon Sep 17 14:44:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9go4gr/stopped_myself_from_binging_again/
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Today started with going to Wawa, where I haven't been in long time, and I realized the sandwich I wanted was 1,040 calories. Over my limit, no thanks. So I changed from Provalone Cheese (200cal) to America Cheese (100cal), removed mayonnaise (200cal), and changed from Short Roll to Half Short Roll, and I ended with a 306 calorie sandwich, and it was delicious! And for lunch, I couldn't decide on anything healthy so I just got Salt And Vinegar Chips (my favorite!), and I got a bowl of sound 180 calories, but I decided since I was getting the urge to stuff myself, I would be allowed one more bowl, and no more. I am finishing my second bowl now, and feeling really proud of myself. I just wanted to share :D
[Other] I broke down and ate lunch at 3 pm
/u/robreinerismydad
Created: Mon Sep 17 14:31:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9go0mf/i_broke_down_and_ate_lunch_at_3_pm/
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Tried to be “healthy” and made rice, eggs, and broccoli. I felt gross towards the end so I threw the last of it away. Now I wish I hadn’t eaten any of it. No wonder the scale won’t move, I have so little self control. Hoping for better days tomorrow and Wednesday.
[Rant/Rave] When your friend takes an off guard picture of you and you actually look skinny!???
/u/damnbitchimfatasf [5'4 | 27.5bm| 23lbs | female ]
Created: Mon Sep 17 14:29:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gnzyx/when_your_friend_takes_an_off_guard_picture_of/
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Haha jk i looked like an obese buck-toothed hankhill. I knew i was ugly but not THAT ugly. I feel like shit
[Goal] DAE find fitting into clothes from middle school so exciting???
/u/impkidz [165cm ♡ CW: 114lbs ♡ GW: 90lbs ♡ BMI: 19.22 ♡ F(?)]
Created: Mon Sep 17 14:08:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gnt78/dae_find_fitting_into_clothes_from_middle_school/
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I'm able to wear the same t-shirts I did as a scrawny 12 year old girl again (with the exception of the fact that I have actual tits now, lmao), and it's literally exhilarating. Im back to junior's sizes in jeans, and honestly how can I care about size numbers when theyre meant for someone 8 years younger and thinner than me? Something about cramming back into when i used to be rail-thin is so so wonderful, it makes me happy to see my progress!
[Rant/Rave] My mom comments on my weight every time I see her and restricts my brother’s diet against his will
/u/piizza
Created: Mon Sep 17 14:08:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gnt75/my_mom_comments_on_my_weight_every_time_i_see_her/
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Thanks to my mom’s comments, I know that apparently my face is the first place I gain/lose weight 🙃 every time I visit my parents, she’ll tell me if my face and/or body look “bloated” or “inflamed” or “bigger.” Every time. As soon as I walk through the door. It makes me not want to visit her. But that’s not the worst of it.
And the whole time I visit, she’ll try to control what I eat. If I’m looking fat, she’ll try to overfeed me(?!) and when I look thinner, she’ll actually take away any snack I try to have...this happened last week after I had been fasting for 25 hours and took a few chips from the cupboard. She took the bag and said “you don’t need to eat those” after greeting me with “you’ve lost weight!”
This is the scariest part. She restricts what my brother eats (he is young and lives at home) and it stresses him out so bad. He’s underweight and is still at a growing age. I haven’t lived at home for years and I have no idea how to help him. I can’t take him out to eat very often, but I try. He ends up fighting with my mom when he tries to talk to her about her controlling behaviors.
Does anyone else’s mom pull shit like this? Am I crazy for finding this situation completely abnormal? I have no idea how to fix this!
[Other] No cake
/u/_Pulltab_ [5' 7| CW 165.4 | BMI 25.9 | -30.6 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 17 14:07:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gnsw8/no_cake/
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Just told my husband I don’t want cake for my birthday that is later this week and he looked at me like I was kidding. I repeated it and said, “Really. I don’t want it. No cake”.
If he gets me a cake I will lose my shit.
[Discussion] DAE sub to food-centric subs?
/u/landfill7707
Created: Mon Sep 17 14:01:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gnqx0/dae_sub_to_foodcentric_subs/
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Places like r/foodporn are 1/2 vicarious eating and 1/2 a weird masochistic punishment. They used to trigger binges but now I just like to try to estimate how many calories are in that photo.
Kinda binged today 🙃
/u/ghostsportclub
Created: Mon Sep 17 14:00:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gnqj9/kinda_binged_today/
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So, today was my first day of uni so I decided I would have an “eat normally day” which means I eat way too much ffs. Currently need to shower and I’m sitting lying on my bed bc I ate too many tangfastics and now feel sick :) Back to restricting tomorrow bc I do not wanna be a fatass on campus lmao
Took My First ECA Stack...
/u/Could_You_Not [5'7" | CW: 133 | GW: <90 | 20F]
Created: Mon Sep 17 13:51:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gnnrb/took_my_first_eca_stack/
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I don't know if I'm just a hypochondriac, or if it's because I haven't touched caffeine in over a year, or if this is how it's supposed to work, but my whole body is literally vibrating. I feel hot and my heartrate is relatively high (though it usually is lol). I'm going to dog training with my mother in half an hour and I have no idea how I'm going to keep her from noticing that something is off, I can see myself shaking in the mirror.
This shit better make me skinny lol.
[Discussion] Is anyone else on Wellbutrin?
/u/gothicapples
Created: Mon Sep 17 13:47:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gnml5/is_anyone_else_on_wellbutrin/
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I was prescribed it well I was hospitalized over the summer and I always heard it kills your appetite but I find for me it’s not killing it or increasing it
I’m curious about others opinions
[Rant/Rave] First day after many months
/u/Hielier [21F | 175,5cm| CW: Fat | UGW: 49kg ]
Created: Mon Sep 17 13:37:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gnjdd/first_day_after_many_months/
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So after many months of failed diets and constant binging I've decided to get back on track. I always say so but this time I want to make it real. I have already set a food schedule and my planned goals and now that I've started a new year of uni I'm going to take advantage of that to stop thinking about food so much.
​
I really need this because my life has been a mess for the last year and I want the control back. I hope this time is for real.
​
Just wanted to share it because if I say something I have to do it.
​
​
[Help] how do i keep myself accountable
/u/lightningmcqueef69 [5'5.5" | 114.6lbs | 18.78 | 18 | enby 💛]
Created: Mon Sep 17 13:28:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gngh7/how_do_i_keep_myself_accountable/
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i've eaten more in the past 3 days than all of the previous month combined. granted im on my period but in the future how do i fucking,,, stop eating?? i'm not even hungry at this point, i feel physically sick but i can't purge (no gag reflex) and i want to just fast for as long as i can and i think i will but im scared that when i eventually eat it will happen again. this is fucking, self-sabotage,,,, i hit a low weight and then ate myself into oblivion and i hate myself so much. i just want to be skinny. i'm scrolling through my thinspo folder crying because i don't have the self control to be that small. i planned out my OMAD perfectly, ate it, and then ate more and more on top of that instead of stopping like i told myself i would.
sorry for the word vomit, i just feel so powerless and i don't understand why i can't stop
[Rant/Rave] vaping and other stuff
/u/smolbeanbaby [5'2 | 132 | 24.1 | 34 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 17 13:20:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gne0m/vaping_and_other_stuff/
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i started vaping and i don’t get really hungry anymore. like my stomach will growl but i don’t feel actual hunger. i’m using only 3mg juice and it helps so much i love it. i feel like i could fast for days. i just vape when i feel a craving coming on and it’s gone. i think it’s partially the flavor and partially the hand to mouth action, like how people eat food when they’re bored.
also idk if anyone reading this remembers my last post, but i got super high and told the guy i sort of have a thing with that i’m bulimic, puke up most of what i eat, and i hate eating but i love food and basically just went on about how i feel fat. and he didn’t say i’m crazy or that i don’t need to lose weight or anything. he just said i’m not fat, i said “i’m not skinny right?” and he said no you’re not skinny, but you’re not chubby or fat or anything. and i think that’s the best reaction i have ever gotten from telling someone about my problems with food.
on the other hand he’s hella nonchalant about certain things, so i was like “yeah i ate a lot today” and he was like “doesn’t count if you puked it all up” and i just started blushing lol. called tf out. he knows i don’t wanna recover yet and he’s not pushing me to. it’s honestly amazing and i appreciate him so much
[Other] My boyfriend just said I eat loudly
/u/PinkyOutYo [170cm | CW: 46.0kg | 15.9 | GW: 45kg | Female]
Created: Mon Sep 17 13:18:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gndbg/my_boyfriend_just_said_i_eat_loudly/
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So I can never eat in his presence again. Let's watch the kilos fall off!
Pre-edit: seriously, I've said it before, why is there no shitpost tag?
I’m fasting but felt sick so I ordered three pickles from a deli. I didn’t realize how big they were until they arrived... it was then that a woman asked if I was PREGNANT (she assumed this was a craving). She ruined the only thing I’m eating today.
/u/ProbablyNeedGlasses
Created: Mon Sep 17 13:17:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gnct8/im_fasting_but_felt_sick_so_i_ordered_three/
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https://i.redd.it/tudm5atgmum11.jpg
[Discussion] getting back in the mind set
/u/running_euphoria
Created: Mon Sep 17 13:08:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gn9w8/getting_back_in_the_mind_set/
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for years i was ana...killed myself in the gym 6 days/wk, eating 500-600 cal a day...lost all my weight and was 98lbs!! i was really happy...then i gained weight out of nowhere, turns out thyroid cancer. wasn't able to workout much and started eating carbs and whatever. i have been trying to lose the weight again, but now that it has been so long that i have been eating 1000-1200 cal/day, so hard giving up the tasty food! oh, i used to binge and purge but with other health conditions had to stop purging
now im 144lb-want to get down to 110....yes im back working out 6 days/wk
how to get that mind frame/control again?????
[Other] Those of you who think of trying lax: DON’T!
/u/twa1238 [F25| 158cm | CW 🐄 |]
Created: Mon Sep 17 13:07:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gn9rn/those_of_you_who_think_of_trying_lax_dont/
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I’m restricting for 46 days now, there were a few days where I ate a bit more but the highest calorie intake was around 1200. Yesterday I had my first binge again and ate over maintenance. Probably around 2200, am not sure because I couldn’t stop eating to weigh my food. Body wasn’t used to all this fat, so felt really bad but decided to not be stupid and don’t take lax (I don’t take them on work days because laxatives are like a box of chocolate, you never know what you’re gonna get or how long you’re gonna be stuck in the bathroom)
Woke up in the middle of the night and took two pills anyway (I usually take more but I’m kinda trying to stop and wanted to be responsible lol). The package says that if you take the recommended dose of two you’ll go once after 6 hours and that’s it.
Nothing happened, thought to myself that obviously my body doesn’t even notice recommended doses and went to work. Has to go few hours later, hurt a bit, wasn’t too bad though. Fasted the rest of the day
Guess who just shit them self on the subway. 18 hours after taking the minimum amount of lax.
losertown calculation
/u/problemproblem420 [5'6'' | 122 | 19.7 | 19F]
Created: Mon Sep 17 13:00:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gn7mg/losertown_calculation/
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anyone feel like they lose waaaay faster than losertown projects???? i'm on my feet for a couple hours a day but i don't think that counts as "light exercise" so i always put sedentary. But i lose way faster than the projection everytime. wtf?
[Discussion] DAE get terrified eating after a fast?
/u/subtleskeleton
Created: Mon Sep 17 13:00:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gn7am/dae_get_terrified_eating_after_a_fast/
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Ughhhh. So relationship trouble has left me with no appetite, and I didn’t eat for like two days - BAM, 3 lbs gone. I had to eat today to function at work and I am TERRIFIED that my 3 lb loss will disappear. I’m only 400 calories into my day. It’s not that bad but I’m still SO scared that I’ll be up tomorrow. Anyone else totally freak out when eating after a fast?
[Rant/Rave] Fuck clothing brands
/u/Hiyoheyyo
Created: Mon Sep 17 12:56:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gn67p/fuck_clothing_brands/
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So I fit comfortably in a size two in most pants, namely old navy. On their website they say that a size 2 pant is for someone with a 25in waist. I thought it was too good to be true. Well it was. I just bought a measuring tape and measured my waist and I’m no where near 25in. In fact I feel I’ve made no progress at all. Yay. Fuck women’s size measurements.
When I'm fasting....
/u/LucidlyAlive
Created: Mon Sep 17 12:52:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gn4qk/when_im_fasting/
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Today is my 4th day on my water fast and I was thinking....
I have really weird poops.
I work with food at a pizza place and the past few days the food doesn't look real to me because I'm not allowed to eat it.
It looks almost plastic.
I've lost 7 pounds so far. I keep thinking about food.
When I take medicine it hits me hard and has me woozy. Almost high.
Sleep is hard, but when I sleep....I SLEEP!
My stomach keeps making weird noises.
It's hard cause I usually binge/purge and not binging is the hardest thing... especially living alone.
Anyone notice weird stuff while fasting?
Laxatives
/u/hardlyyjewish
Created: Mon Sep 17 12:47:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gn31e/laxatives/
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I’ve been taking about two a day and just now starting to get off them..the bloating and being so uncomfortable is killing me not to mention the immediate weight gain.
I know it takes time for all of this to go back to normal but I’m having a hard time keeping my thought positive. Has anyone gone through this? If so what did you guys do?!
Any help or words of wisdom are appreciated :)
[Discussion] How was day?
/u/Bookeisha [182 cm | 57.3 kg | BMI 17.3 | M ]
Created: Mon Sep 17 12:44:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gn24t/how_was_day/
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I don't even know what to put here. Just tell me how you're doing lol
My necklace is longer.
/u/Whimsyprincess
Created: Mon Sep 17 12:43:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gn1ut/my_necklace_is_longer/
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I bought a necklace to be an almost-choker a few months ago, and now it hands down to my collar bones.
Which would be just awesome, if it now didn't tangle with the necklace I purposely bought to be long.
But I'm afraid to get a new chain for the first one in case it ends up being too small and ends up being a trigger.
I swear it's the littlest things about this disorder that freak me out the most. I can't dedicate my mind to recovery rn, but I sure as hell can spend a half hour agonizing over a necklace.
I literally just fucking hate myself
/u/mks_993 [5'6| 131| 21.1 | GW: 110 |F]
Created: Mon Sep 17 12:39:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gn0in/i_literally_just_fucking_hate_myself/
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I guess I just needed somewhere to vent.
I’ve already eaten 800 calories over my goal today and it’s not even 2pm.
I just wanna fucking die bc I’m supposed to meet up with this guy this weekend and he’s probably going to think I’m a fat POS.
I don’t deserve a romantic relationship or any relationship for that matter. Who would even want to be friends with a pathetic person like me.
Sorry I don’t need replies I just needed to rant.
[Goal] Goal: be skinny by my birthday
/u/Rosebug1717
Created: Mon Sep 17 12:35:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gmz48/goal_be_skinny_by_my_birthday/
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I have been fat for far too long. 22 years and I will not be fat for age 23. My bday is early October and I’m going on a trip and I refuse to be fat. I need to be skinny and reach my goal. I’m almost there and some would even consider me “skinny”. Due to recent stressors it looks I’ll make it because I just don’t have the appetite. Wish me luck y’all!!!!!
[Rant/Rave] Same weight for over a year?
/u/curvylucifer [5'2 | cw 130 | gw115 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 17 12:25:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gmvvc/same_weight_for_over_a_year/
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Just wanting to feel not so alone with this.
I dropped approximately 60-70 lbs last year around this time. Probably took me 4 or 5 months tops. I've been hovering around 130-133 (give or take a few lbs due to binging and starving) but generally in this range I've stayed for almost a year now. It's like my body just won't budge.
I know it's the overeating balancing with the bouts of fasting. Its just defeating and discouraging. Anyone else been stuck at a certain weight for almost a year or more?
What do you bring to work for lunch? I need ideas
/u/thinwishes_ [5'7" | CW 135 lb | GW 125 lb | UGW 120 lb | F]
Created: Mon Sep 17 12:11:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gmr0j/what_do_you_bring_to_work_for_lunch_i_need_ideas/
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[Discussion] This is my groceries for the next three days and I made eye contact with the girl in self checkout next to me who had just monster, halo top, and pickles in her cart and we just nodded at each other, anyone else have any “oh I know what you’re doing” moments in public?
/u/sunnshine67 [5'4 vampire | CW 137.2 | 23.7 | -27.8 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 17 12:03:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gmo6x/this_is_my_groceries_for_the_next_three_days_and/
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https://i.redd.it/nyw46a5c9um11.jpg
Things To Consider Before Conducting An Intervention
/u/Cryptroppel
Created: Mon Sep 17 11:59:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gmmui/things_to_consider_before_conducting_an/
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An intervention is never easy. It is one of the most difficult things a person can go through, especially for the those conducting the intervention. Many people, organizations, and companies do not believe in the concept of forcing someone to make changes. Here are some of them:
American Academy of Psychiatry and the Law (AAPL)
American Bar Association
American Heart Association
American Medical Association
Chipotle Mexican Grill, Inc (CMG)
Harvard University
Jesus Christ
Princeton University
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
University of Washington
Weight Watchers
There are also many people, organizations, and companies who do NOT believe in free will (free-agency). Here are some of them:
ADX Supermax Federal Prison
Adolf Hitler
Al-Qaeda
Aryan Brotherhood
Hezbollah
Satan
San Quentin State Prison
Sinaloa Drug Cartel
Taliban
Washington State Penitentiary
If you find you have much in common with one of these people, companies, or groups it may not be necessary to read this remaining article. For those still on the fence about forcing someone to conform, change, or stop or start some behavior please read the following warning and carefully consider your options in attempting to remove another person’s options.
If you answer yes to any of the following questions, avoid an intervention at all costs:
Does the person you plan to intervention have any secrets about you do not want shared?
Does the person you plan to intervention have any secrets about your family you do not want shared?
Has the person you plan to intervention shown any tendency to stand up to bullies or expose the truth regardless of the cost to them?
If you know someone in your family sell drugs or takes illegal drugs, don’t intervention them for drugs. Everyone who originally agreed an intervention is the only choice, is going to quickly change their mind if they are exposed as someone who sells drugs.
It never hurts to plan ahead and ask those involved in the intervention if they are conducting illegal or otherwise embarrassing activities.
If the person who gets interventioned regains access to the internet, your life is going to be hell for years to come.
[Discussion] DAE get irrationally jealous of 10 yo girls?
/u/dumpsterfiredive
Created: Mon Sep 17 11:40:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gmgn2/dae_get_irrationally_jealous_of_10_yo_girls/
---
LIKE HOOOOWWWWW ARE YOUR LEGS SO TINY
And then I felt guilty about how crazy my thoughts are.
Getting my IUD out
/u/throwawayluckybamboo
Created: Mon Sep 17 11:17:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gm9k7/getting_my_iud_out/
---
Just made an appointment to have my IUD (Jaydess) removed! I'm so excited because I'm pretty sure it's the reason I've gained almost 10lb in the last few months. I'm just always so ravenously hungry I can't control myself. No matter how much I eat I just feel like I can keep stuffing more in. I even started on wellbutrin again for depression which usually helps with appetite and it did nothing. It's been the worst experience - I was hoping I'd stop getting periods and I'd stop pms bloating, weight gain and depression but instead my cramps which were minor normally got worse, my period which was normally light went from lasting 2.5 days to lasting 7 days and I don't even ever feel like having sex because despite how my old family doctor dismissed me, I'm pretty sure it made my depression and anxiety worse. I'm glad I found a doctor who admitted that some people are sensitive to even small levels of hormones so it is possible. I felt like I was going crazy.
I don't know why I'm posting this, but I'm sitting here with awful period cramps when I'm not even on my period so I'm so excited to have it out. I hope I haven't ruined things and everything goes back to normal soon.
[Discussion] Starbucks drink order help!
/u/ArkhamBrothers [5’1 👻 CW:118 👻 GW:90 👻 F]
Created: Mon Sep 17 11:01:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gm4kl/starbucks_drink_order_help/
---
Hello! I love Starbucks but I’d like to try new low calorie things. What’re some things you all get? Can anyone help me out with teas or anything to order drink wise that isn’t coffee or coffee flavored? I can’t stand the taste and aftertaste of any kind of coffee ):
[Discussion] DAE not have one single actual friend?!
/u/moonchldx [5'1'' | 114.4 | 21.7 | -11lbs | F | ]
Created: Mon Sep 17 10:57:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gm3b8/dae_not_have_one_single_actual_friend/
---
I’ve been stuck at home for the past 3 months due to looking for a job while my bf basically maintains us which he has never complained about I mean I know he’s excited for me to start my job next week which I am too because I’ve been losing it being at home everyday!
I have absolutely no actual girlfriends to call and ask to hang out or go over and visit... I mean I have a friend or two I can text but it’s not the same.
It gets lonely real quick and it sucks, I’m either sleeping or cleaning or walking my dogs when my bf is at work... I’m going crazy !
Social media doesn’t help either seeing so many people “happy” while you sit at home waiting for another episode of whatever your watching start...
Ugh idk I’m going nuts plus I basically binged yesterday and took tons of lax so yayyy me !
Sorry it’s so long and boring! Hope your day is a million times better than mine !
xx
[Tip] Kimchi!!!
/u/AspergersAndCoffee [5'2F | Last recorded weight 93 | SW 100 | Starting therapy soon]
Created: Mon Sep 17 10:39:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9glxci/kimchi/
---
I just ate some freshly fermented homemade kimchi and wow! This is a godsend, it's ridiculously low-cal, rather easy to prepare, tastes like some utter junk (cuz it's so good) but it's actually very good for you... If you're into spicy things you'll be in love.
Grab yo cabbage and jars, friends.
[Rant/Rave] Co-occurring mental health disorders SUCK
/u/asiaticlily [5’10 | 134.8 | 19 | -47 lbs | F22]
Created: Mon Sep 17 10:37:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9glwr2/cooccurring_mental_health_disorders_suck/
---
This is going to be a total rant post because I’m so angry and having to try to cope with my anorexia and alcoholism at the same time. I feel like it’s like playing Russian roulette with my body, and I honestly will end up dead if I ever go on another binge like I had this past weekend. The only thing keeping me stable is a Benzo every 6 hours, and I hate that I have to go through detox right now, AND deal with my inability to make myself eat. I’m just so concerned my vitamin levels are all messed up that all of the multi-vitamins and Gatorade in the world can’t help me. I know it’s probably just the crippling anxiety I’m dealing with right now and total exhaustion... but shit. I’m just so tired guys. I want to eat again. I want to not think about the calories in every single bite of food I put into my mouth. I want to workout because I’m bettering my body.. but as punishment for having more than 1,200 calories in a day. I’m just mad at life right now, and throwing a pity party. Eating disorders suck, and alcoholism sucks even more, but putting them together seems like the worlds shittiest combo in the world for your body’s health..
[Discussion] DAE feel like hitting puberty early contributed to the development of their ED?
/u/smileyslimey [5'5 | 98 | 16.3 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 17 10:35:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9glw2k/dae_feel_like_hitting_puberty_early_contributed/
---
I recently listened to a podcast where the host where talking about how the insecurity that women get from early puberty continues on their whole life. And holy shit, I related so much.
While I've always been small, I was one of the first girls in my class to develope boobs and "womanly" wide hips, and that was when the very skinny ruler-type body was considered ideal.
So for the next few years I hated my new curves and wanted to starve them away. Even most of the bigger girls still had that childlike body and I'd have traded in a heartbeat.
I really think that my body developing so early was a big trigger to my ED, and it makes me sad that I'm still carrying the mental scars that happened way back then. Anyone else?
Um.. I shit myself today?
/u/sagittorius
Created: Mon Sep 17 10:34:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9glvqg/um_i_shit_myself_today/
---
I’ve seen other posts where people have talked about this, but I was totally caught by surprise.
Wtf? Could someone please advise?
[Tip] Morning After Binge Starter Pack
/u/m155fit
Created: Mon Sep 17 10:29:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9glu6u/morning_after_binge_starter_pack/
---
https://i.redd.it/jio5a44nstm11.jpg
[Goal] F/5'10/23 Reached my goal to lose 10lbs! Gonna aim to lose another 10lbs:)
/u/amooni95
Created: Mon Sep 17 10:28:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gltn5/f51023_reached_my_goal_to_lose_10lbs_gonna_aim_to/
---
https://i.redd.it/3wdgya7bstm11.jpg
Helpp-Stretching out pants
/u/lexielou48 [5'9 | 125 |BMI: 18 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 17 10:20:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9glr9p/helppstretching_out_pants/
---
Okay so I have these BEAUTIFUL pants I just bought. They are a size 00. I'm usually a size 1 in this brand. I was being stupid and thought if I bought them anyway (only came in 1 size- got them at Platos) that they'd magically fit. I can get them all the way on but I can't button/zip them. I'm determined to make these fit. Do you guys have any tips for stretching pants waistband out?
[Discussion] DAE use appointments as motivation?
/u/ohdarlingyourefucked
Created: Mon Sep 17 10:19:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9glqtv/dae_use_appointments_as_motivation/
---
My doctor always asks if I’m eating. I have another appointment in a month and I’m like “let’s see how much weight I can lose before then.”
[Help] Does anyone else have extreme exhaustion?
/u/indentionsofme [Height 5"10 | CW 100| HW 142| GW 95 l BMI 14.3]
Created: Mon Sep 17 10:08:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9glmvm/does_anyone_else_have_extreme_exhaustion/
---
I have been so exhausted I feel I can barely function. I want to sleep 24/7. Last weekend I slept 15 hours straight and this weekend I slept 19 hours straight without waking up.
Both times I was so disoriented and obviously completely dehydrated. All I want to do is lay down.
I just want to reach my GW. Caffeine level is at like 1000mgs a day and I’m still dead.
How are you guys with rest and sleep issues? I feel bad I can’t do things and am a disappointment to many.
My favorite part of the day is when I get to weigh myself first thing (after a ‘good day’ of course)
/u/chpbnvic [5'4" | CW 160.6 lbs | GW 115 | 25F]
Created: Mon Sep 17 09:45:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9glf9x/my_favorite_part_of_the_day_is_when_i_get_to/
---
Is it tomorrow yet?
Also I’ve finally been able to get out of my binge cycle. Up 15lbs tho from my last restriction ughhhhh
[Rant/Rave] i’m at the same weight that i was before my ed, but ironically, my body looked much better before all of this began
/u/__shipwreck [5'6"//107//17.34]
Created: Mon Sep 17 09:41:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gleax/im_at_the_same_weight_that_i_was_before_my_ed_but/
---
has this happened to anyone else? i’m back at the weight that i was at before my ed, and actually okay with being at that weight. however, my body is way more disproportionate. my arms are super skinny and stick like. my chest is almost 100% flat, and looks like a man’s unless i’m wearing a really tight shirt, and a bra that’s too big for me. my ribs stick out and look emaciated. my stomach protrudes because i’m always bloated and my digestion is fucked up. all my weight went to my ass when i first started gaining, so it overly protrudes in a way that looks weird and unnatural, because my thighs are actually relatively slim, and don’t match my butt in a way that looks cohesive (i hate it to the point that i only wear skirts and baggy straight leg jeans). in addition, i have wide hips + shoulders and a large-seeming skeletal structure, so all my perceived flaws are only compounded by how wide i feel. idk, my body (proportionally), kinda just looks like someone took that bmi visualizer tool and randomly fucked with all the settings as a joke. and this is all because of my weight fluctuations (gaining 5 lbs, losing 15, gaining 10, gaining 10 again, losing 10) etc. if i had never messed with any of this, and just learned to accept myself, i’d still have the natural, proportionate figure that i was meant to have at this age (ed started in late teens, and i’m 20 now).
but every day i have to deal with the fact that i took all the things i hated about my body before, and made them even worse, through my ednos bullshit. when i could’ve had a perfectly nice, slim, normal figure.
in addition, all this is compounded by past trauma, and severe discomfort with anything on my body that doesn’t look completely androgynous (aside from my chest, which i perceive as too small and unbalanced). honestly, i can barely stand to leave the house these days, because i know that i’m sexualized for looking ~thicc~ and whatnot. if only i could get liposuction, i wouldn’t need to be severely underweight! i’m just struggling so bad right now, with how uncomfortable i feel in this body, and how much i hate myself. yet, i’m just so exhausted and tired of engaging in disordered behaviors. but it feels like losing weight is the only way for this body (that seems grotesque to me now) to feel like mine again, whatever that means.
i know this post is *a lot*, i just really need to vent, because i’ve been in a really dark place lately, and just don’t know how much longer i can handle this. even just getting myself to leave the house for work is a struggle at this point.
Living with S/o?
/u/strangerrrdangerrr
Created: Mon Sep 17 09:37:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gld04/living_with_so/
---
Okay so how do you guys manage this? I can't purge or use laxatives bc he will hear the noise/toilet. he will accept one day fasts but after that will question me incessantly about what I've eaten to break my fast. Our schedules are almost completely identical and I am really at a loss as to how to keep this from him. I have gained a fucking shit ton of weight since we started living together.
He doesn't deserve a fat gf.
[Discussion] DAE get really mean when restricting?
/u/hypermagical20 [5'5" | 133 | GW1: 130 | GW2: 122 | UGW: 115]
Created: Mon Sep 17 08:59:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gl12f/dae_get_really_mean_when_restricting/
---
I've been doing some fairly heavy restricting for the past 5 days or so and I feel like my fuse is impossibly short. I keep snapping at my boyfriend for things that normally wouldn't bother me and I can just tell him being nasty and irritable. I also have a ton of other stressors at the moment, but I usually just get sad when I'm stressed. This mean person is new to me.
Have you noticed being dumber when restricting/being at a low weight? I'm super scared of that
/u/BadLifePLanner
Created: Mon Sep 17 08:38:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gkv7g/have_you_noticed_being_dumber_when/
---
I am starting a new job where it's crucial to pay attention to little details. I'm afraid to screw up my brain and performance. Do you feel that restriction/very low bmi has left a mark on your cognitive abilities?
Drug struggles
/u/Hollowlce
Created: Mon Sep 17 08:20:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gkq1p/drug_struggles/
---
About a month ago now I realised that some of my antidepressants were appetite enhancers and I felt so cheated, all the binges after the hard work of exercising and being careful with what I’ve been eating wasted over something which was supposed to make me feel better but only results in me feeling worse off.
So long story short I went cold turkey on every medication that increased my appetite and fell into the problem of now starting drugs which reduce my appetite. I feel like I’m in an abyss which I can’t get out of. Anyone had any similar problems?
[Help] Is it a fast if I have a 70cal soup?
/u/conuretrash
Created: Mon Sep 17 08:20:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gkpz5/is_it_a_fast_if_i_have_a_70cal_soup/
---
Ey fam lmao
I’m on hour 36 of a fast and I really want this soup later but technically it would break the fast I think. It’s progresso French onion soup so no chewing. What do y’all think?
[Discussion] I bought 6 laser lipo treatments for $82.00
/u/ISetMyGnomesOnFire
Created: Mon Sep 17 08:03:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gkkdt/i_bought_6_laser_lipo_treatments_for_8200/
---
THANKS GROUPON
​
has anyone had any experience with it?
What if my interests and hobbies are just part of my ED?
/u/strawstring [5'10 | CW 155 | GW 140 | 21F]
Created: Mon Sep 17 08:02:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gkk7a/what_if_my_interests_and_hobbies_are_just_part_of/
---
I'm extremely interested in food and nutrition science, as well as exercise science and overall wholistic health practices. Reading books, researching, and practicing these things is a HUGE part of my life/what I spend my time on, and I've even looked into getting a master's in nutrition.
BUT now I've been kind of worried that it's just another shift in disordered eating and whatever. Although I struggle to not binge and purge (1 week purge free!!!) and I know I should be eating more than 800 a day, I follow what I've learned in terms of what/when/how to eat and live. On one hand it's like, yeah, this could be seen as "orthorexic" because I don't want to eat grains and sugar and processed things and certain "healthy and normal" foods, but on the other hand, there is so much research showing that it is better for overall health, why wouldn't I live this way????
Idk if anyone else gets this feeling, but the conflict in my head about this is so.... much.
[Help] leaving on vacation for a month
/u/pastelmang [ 5'10 | cw167.5 | bmi24.0 | gw150 |-82.5 | 24f]
Created: Mon Sep 17 08:00:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gkjep/leaving_on_vacation_for_a_month/
---
HELLO! It’s been a while since I’ve posted but I need some advice... currently I’m yo-yo-ing between 160-167 pounds.. I’m so worried that I’m going to gain or just maintain while I’m on vacation. I want out of this plateau.. any bbs other there with any advice while I’m out there? I’ll be vacationing alone but I’m out there to visit my family if that helps.
[Help] Question for guys n gays
/u/yellixis [160/ 5'3" | 62kg | 24 | 13kg | M]
Created: Mon Sep 17 07:59:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gkj4q/question_for_guys_n_gays/
---
Do any of you other guys wish to be small and thin to be seen as delicate and cute? Cause I do :( I guess it's not very masculine of me but I really want to be seen as the tiny and energetic gay guy who is super adorable...lol...as if! But I can dream.
My friend called me a twink the other day and I felt so valid. lmao.
[Help] How do you deal with gaining muscle weight?
/u/uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhidk
Created: Mon Sep 17 07:51:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gkgz8/how_do_you_deal_with_gaining_muscle_weight/
---
So first of all, lately I've been doing really well with my weight, I've actually been eating healthy and stuff and about two weeks ago I signed up in a gym because I am weak af and wanted my body to be toned rather than mushy.
When I signed up they did some kind of analysis of how much of my body is fat and it was kinda low so I was quite happy and went into training with full on excitement, because they also told me because of that I don't need to get rid of fat, but should instead focus on gaining muscle.
So I went to a couple of courses and exercised a bunch on my own time.
But then I noticed I was gaining a bunch of weight? I was still eating just like I was eating before, so there was no change, so if must have been due to me gaining muscle, I even noticed my butt being a little bigger/firmer (something I thought I wanted).
My weight fluctuates a bunch so I hoped it was just an intense spike but it stayed that high and it scared the shit out of me...
So yeah now I'm away at my parents place for a week (they're not home, so no one can watch my eating habits) and I've gone into fasting, but I just don't know how to deal with the weight gain in the long term.
There isn't all that much fat I can loose, or at least it won't be easy, but I do want to continue exercising, since I would like to have a toned body. So it feels inevitable for me to continue gaining weight, I just don't know how to deal with it.
bf said i looked "healthy", very triggered
/u/lostandlonley333
Created: Mon Sep 17 07:44:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gkfft/bf_said_i_looked_healthy_very_triggered/
---
Title says it all really. He knows I'm in the downwards spiral of a relapse and I'm sure he wouldn't have thought saying I looked "clearly healthy" when referring to my body would trigger me but boy it did. To me this is almost the same thing as calling me fat.
i honestly feel like i gave myself brain damage
/u/moutoncarpet
Created: Mon Sep 17 07:41:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gkeo9/i_honestly_feel_like_i_gave_myself_brain_damage/
---
i went down to my lw over a year ago, and of course i was restricting so much that my mental capabilities were trash. at the time i had a hard time making sense of things i read, speaking cohesive sentences, and understanding what people were saying to me. i remember crying because i had to have my dad read sentences to me that i could manage to understand when i read them to myself. well, i gained about 20 pounds since then and am still slightly underweight but just barely so. i’m pretty much healthy, weight-wise.
after gaining a considerable amount of weight back, i feel like my brain still doesn’t work right. i don’t remember having stuttering problems before my ED. i don’t remember feeling like my mind can’t understand anything as soon as i get hungry. it takes me so much longer than it used to to comprehend things, and it makes me feel so frustrated. like, why isn’t my brain back to normal even though my body is? did i actually let my nutrition get so bad that i fucked myself up permanently? how is this possible?
did you guys who have gained weight back at some point feel like your mental capabilities got back to normal? this is so frustrating, i hate feeling stupid and knowing that i did this to myself.
Morning After Binge Starter Pack
/u/m155fit
Created: Mon Sep 17 07:19:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gk8uh/morning_after_binge_starter_pack/
---
https://i.redd.it/u3sss0wnusm11.jpg
Do you guys feel safe to drive?
/u/littledutchbird [24F|5'8"|150 lbs|BMI 22.5|-35 lbs]
Created: Mon Sep 17 06:48:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gk0rs/do_you_guys_feel_safe_to_drive/
---
I've been planning to do some extended fasting from here on out. More specifically Mondays to Thursdays with some restricting in between. I've been out of control for so long, and I'm overweight and I'm disgusting. The only way I can seem to get it under control at all is to just abstain. The thing is I spend two hours a day in my car. The longest fast I've ever done was 72 hours, but they were planned and I didn't spend much time driving. So do you guys feel safe driving when you do a long fast?
[Discussion] Isolated
/u/breebunny88
Created: Mon Sep 17 06:41:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gjz2x/isolated/
---
DAE feel so isolated within this disease? I’m a very independent woman but as time passes I’m realizing more and more how my “independence” has become more of isolating myself from family and friends? I honestly feel so insecure around anyone and everyone lately it’s all too consuming. (Note this is not me complaining, bitching or even being depressed) just a thought I had that might be a good discussion topic.
[Help] Not losing weight wtf???
/u/lecollecteur
Created: Mon Sep 17 06:31:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gjwmt/not_losing_weight_wtf/
---
I figured this place would be a lot more knowledgable and helpful than any medical subs but I’ve been restricting to under 600 calories for about 2-3 weeks now and some of those days I fasted, I haven’t binged and I drink a lot of water. I’m 5’1 and my I’m not underweight at all, v chubby and I haven’t lost a single pound. I also try to be as active as I can everyday.
Sorry that I can give a history wrt me restricting and fasting, I was never allowed to have a scale when I lived with my parents so I couldn’t weigh myself.
[Rant/Rave] This is my life now
/u/Shewantstolive
Created: Mon Sep 17 06:27:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gjvt9/this_is_my_life_now/
---
https://i.redd.it/ncrqo0qdlsm11.jpg
Symptoms?
/u/heyimbored_
Created: Mon Sep 17 06:25:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gjva0/symptoms/
---
So I have all the symptoms of anorexia, and some of bulimia (binging, exercise purging, normal/overweight), but I go through periods of extreme restriction (negative calories up to 300cals) and then periods of constant binging. I know I have a ed, and the restriction has left me malnourished and miserable. Does this sound like any specific ed or would it be under EDNOS?
Good morning!
/u/art_istical
Created: Mon Sep 17 06:23:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gjuzq/good_morning/
---
Hi everybody! I haven't posted yet but I thought I would check in with everybody this mornibg! How are you all feeling about the week ahead of us? I'm a bit anxious, I woke up this morning to find that the scale had broken and I can no longer weigh myself throughout the day as I'm used to. It's a scary thought but I'm trying not to let it get to me. How are you??
[Rant/Rave] I’m glad I’m not eating today
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | CW: 114 | GW:105 | UGW 100 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 17 06:18:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gjtj2/im_glad_im_not_eating_today/
---
I got high this weekend and got the munchies and ate too damn much. Now I’m fat and need to get back on track. I’m not doing that again, anytime soon. I’m up 3 pounds from yesterday hopefully it’ll go away today.
DAE feel like life with magically get better once they reach their GW?
/u/_anacantha [Height | CW | BMI | Weight Lost | Gender]
Created: Mon Sep 17 06:14:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gjshf/dae_feel_like_life_with_magically_get_better_once/
---
In my mind, everything will somehow sort itself out and suddenly be my "dream life" as soon as I lose enough weight. Logically I know it doesn't work like that, but it's become my excuse for everything lately. Oh, didn't get the job you wanted? It's because you're too fat. People are rude to you? It's because you're too fat. Work stressing you out? If you weren't so fat you wouldn't be so stressed.
I'm so tired of this taking over every little aspect of my life.
[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! September 17, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Sep 17 06:14:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gjsel/weekly_stats_update_september_17_2018/
---
This is the weekly status thread for September 17, 2018.
The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.
Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):
* Height:
* Current weight (CW):
* Highest weight (HW):
* Lowest weight (LW):
* Goal weight (GW):
* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):
* Weight lost (WL):
* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))
* Age:
* Gender expression:
Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:
* Height:
* CW:
* HW:
* LW:
* GW:
* UGW:
* WL:
* BMI:
* Age:
* Gender expression:
*****
Status threads are posted every Monday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! September 17, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Sep 17 06:14:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gjsdl/daily_food_diary_september_17_2018/
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This is a daily food diary thread for September 17, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Help] Help, I got high and ate a bunch of gold fish now I’m up 3 pounds
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | CW: 114 | GW:105 | UGW 100 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 17 06:13:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gjs1p/help_i_got_high_and_ate_a_bunch_of_gold_fish_now/
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Yesterday I ate two pancakes, a burger, some fries, some cookies, and goldfish. I purged the cookie and burger and fries. But I’m still up 3 pounds. How do i get it to go away
[Rant/Rave] I just feel dumb
/u/sstephenn [Recovering 5'10 | 126.2/57.2 | 18.1 | -60/27.2 | Male ]
Created: Mon Sep 17 06:04:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gjplh/i_just_feel_dumb/
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Honestly I just feel dumb. I said I was recovering, but I’m just maintaining. I’m so DUMB. This is kinda negative, but eating every day just doesn’t seem like a sustainable behavior I can develop :\ ugh I’m so dumb
[Rant/Rave] I binged for the first time today...
/u/iluvmnms [164cm (5'4) | 49.4kg (108lbs) | 18.4 | GW: 47 (103lbs) | 18F]
Created: Mon Sep 17 06:01:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gjou9/i_binged_for_the_first_time_today/
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and didn't regret it!! Today has been kinda an emotional day, i properly told my mum about my problems with eating although she already had her suspicions. She cried with me but she was so supportive, she didn't understand all the terminology i was using like trigger foods, safe foods and she gave me a notepad to write down things that she can research so she can properly understand when i'm venting to her. I planned on just restricting today without b/ping but that was hard and i ended up binging, with every intention to purge. But my mum came into my room and saw me eating but all she said was 'please for me, more importantly for yourself, try to enjoy this meal' and she had this sad smile. and idk that just kinda hit me and now here i am letting myself digest the food. I know i might feel bad about it tomorrow and i might gain weight but for now, I feel okay about it.
What's the most amount of weight you've ever lost in a month?
/u/vkomova [5'11 | ugh | ugh | ugh | F]
Created: Mon Sep 17 05:49:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gjm5a/whats_the_most_amount_of_weight_youve_ever_lost/
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(not to glamorize but to commiserate lol)
[Help] I need help eating 500 calories a day
/u/fccg12
Created: Mon Sep 17 05:46:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gjlf6/i_need_help_eating_500_calories_a_day/
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I need to know it won’t make me gross. I’m so weak but I’m so scared.
How is your sleep schedule?
/u/LazyFawn
Created: Mon Sep 17 05:08:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gjdfx/how_is_your_sleep_schedule/
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I keep waking up when restricting. About to stop my fast, but the last 2 nights I've woken up 10-ish times because of stomach cramps maybe??? It doesn't even hurt, just feels empty, so whyyyyy do I have to wake up
​
Was wondering how everyone else's sleep is?
[Rant/Rave] Whyyy do i do this whywhywhywhy
/u/audreyhepburnwho [no binge September.]
Created: Mon Sep 17 05:02:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gjc54/whyyy_do_i_do_this_whywhywhywhy/
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I hate myself so fucking much right now... Usually i can accept my ed, deal with it, it's been like 10 years already anyway. Do I wish it would go away and I could use my brain for more useless things instead of obsessing about weight and calories and food and goals day in day out? Yes but I've accepted it. Now what i dont accept is this. I've met a guy I really like, and that's rare for me. I see him about once a week and we chill and hookup, it's been perfect. Except that now I shape my entire routine around my dates with him, as in, I'll always low restrict the day before and fast the day of so I can be as lean as possible. One time i told him i was on my period just so we didn't have to have sex because i had binged the night before and thought I'd look bloated, fml. Anyway, I saw him last week and tbh I looked bomb. It was right after my whoosh, i was FEELING myself and i spent the whole time with him in my underwear. He complimented me a thousand times that night. I never in my life felt more beautiful. Fast forward to yesterday we hooked up again except that morning i didnt look so lean because i didnt fast the day before and i was so weak from low restricting but instead of being a regular human and eating so i could have more energy, i met him totally weak and lethargic and didn't even have the energy to talk much. Looking back i was boring as fuck, didn't mak interesting conversation like i usually do. Then we hooked up and i wasn't feeling myself and therefore didn't enjoy myself st all. He seemed to have fun anyway but he only called me pretty one time and it was after i complimented him. Rationally i know i looked just as good yesterday as the week before. But for some reason he didn't call me beautiful a thousand times like he did last week. And because of that i feel totally worthless. Why the fuck do I need his compliments so much?? During the days where i dont see him, i can Still feel pretty sometimes and usually i really don't rely on outside approval like this but fuck, last week when he called me pretty and beautiful so many times it was like a drug.... And then it made it so easy to go on restricting... Now I'm like, he's probably bored of me because i was boring, and maybe i dont even look that good and he just said it last time because well i gave him good head and guys like that, right? Fuck my brain for thinking like that. After our date last night i ate two points of ice ben n jerrys. I'm bloated and disgusting today and just feel like eating everything on sight and giving up because i feel like i found THE guy, and if this goes south because of my ed brain, what even is the fucking point anymore. This is so dumb. I'm usually super independent and confident in my abilities other than my looks, and now I'm having these thoughts?? Wtf.
Body dysmorphia clear now
/u/fishaboveH2O
Created: Mon Sep 17 04:41:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gj80k/body_dysmorphia_clear_now/
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I had an eating disorder all throughout high school but I’ve always been a good few inches taller than the rest of the girls my age so always a couple pounds heavier even when my bmi was at its lowest (like 19 which isn’t too low but I was really athletic and looked pretty slim). But because I was always bigger than he other girls I considered myself huge and fat and a whale. Now I’m in college and I’ve put on weight and I’m legitimately overweight I can’t stop looking at old picture thinking about how skinny and hot I was wishing I could go back to that so I could appreciate it for once. I know it’s probably not even true but I keep thinking I’ll be happy again once I get back to that weight
[Rant/Rave] I’m overwhelmed by options
/u/coffeeandcamels [5"4.5 | 17.2 | CW: 102 | UGW: 90]
Created: Mon Sep 17 03:41:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9giwbt/im_overwhelmed_by_options/
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In my quest to stop chewing and spitting (screwed up this weekend so today is the official first day of my journey), I have decided to up my calories. Instead of barely eating in order to c/s, I plan to eat...actual food.
But I’m overwhelmed by options!! I usually just eat broccoli and cauliflower rice for dinner, and I plan to keep doing that. But now I can eat more for a night snack??
Quest bars, vitatops, apples, yogurt, oatmeal, popcorn, frozen fruit bars, peanut butter...
I’m stressed now and want to c/s at 4 am so this is going great!!
[Rant/Rave] dropping weight super quick dysmorphia
/u/arthroego
Created: Mon Sep 17 03:20:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9giso0/dropping_weight_super_quick_dysmorphia/
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so, august 10th i weighed 164, i'm 149 currently, like 5 weeks later. i dont know what i look like??? before 164 i bounced around 157-160 for months, and even then, im almost 10 lbs lighter than that now. my clothes are looser or fit again, my waist went from 31-32 (bloated all the time, ty binging) to 28 and a few of my friends i see sporadically have commented on my weight loss. and like its so sudden i cant see it at all? if anything i feel bigger than usual?
but i keep looking at pictures of me last year around this weight (145-149) and im still fat in them but like i definitely look bigger this time around? is it because i hate whatever i currently look like the most or bc i have more body fat? or am i imaging it and i look the same as last time? what do i LOOK like? do i look noticeably overweight (5'1-5'2ish, still 14 lbs overweight, so probably to most people), do i look obese? am i fat or chubby or thicc or what? what do people think when they see me? definitely not skinny.
when i was 130 i still felt huge. i'm now careening back towards that weight super fast and im so worried that when i get back to it or lower im still gonna feel this fat or fatter? what the fuck do i do then? theres only so much weight i can lose without dying. im so stressed about hating my body no matter what i do to it.... idk. according to happy scale, my average loss is 3.1/week which id expect to start slowing down soon since my bmis in the lower half of overweight instead of obese now but even if its just 2 lbs thats still what? less than 2 months to be back at 130? wtf
but at the same time, i dont want to get ahead of myself. ive gone through a pattern of lose 30, gain 10, lose 20, gain 30, lose 15 etc etc all in relatively short periods of time. my brain could just say fuck it next week and put me back in binge mode. but its def not normal to faint all the time while you lose 15 pounds in a month, and its not normal to eat until you physically feel ill and gain 10lbs/month. i still feel like a fraud and like i dont have a problem with food since ive never been morbidly obese, or underweight. my overeating or restriction isnt bad enough to kill me either way, just enough to make my happy scale charts wavier than the ocean. like lmao. what a fucking joke. can i just pick one, at least id know what to fucking expect.
all this bc im up at 5 am, netting 1000 for the past 3 weeks while smoking a pack a day plus 2 juul pods worth for the metabolism boost, looking between me, the mirror, pictures from a month ago, pictures from now, and pictures from a year ago and only seeing fat fat fat fat. even if i didnt like what i see i just want to objectively KNOW what i look like. like PLEASE if i could just see myself with honest eyes for once, thatd be great, ugh.
You get to make one food calorie free...
/u/Pollyhotpocketposts
Created: Mon Sep 17 02:47:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gimwa/you_get_to_make_one_food_calorie_free/
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You can choose to make one food, ingredient or meal calorie free with no other consequences. What do you choose and what happens next?
[Discussion] Does anyone else think they look better with clothes on?
/u/unlicensedrussian
Created: Mon Sep 17 02:44:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gimbk/does_anyone_else_think_they_look_better_with/
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Like, when I’m wearing certain clothes you could be convinced that I’m skinny and that I look good. As soon as I’m naked that all goes out the window and I can see how truly disgusting my body is
When the Unspoken is Spoken?
/u/whatxever [5'2 | 121 | 22.2 | F | GW: 119]
Created: Mon Sep 17 01:35:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gia8o/when_the_unspoken_is_spoken/
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My mom and I don't talk about my ED. She knows I have one, or at least has suspected it throughout its entirety, but it's never out in the open. During my discovery of purging back when I was 13 - when she made a discovery of her own (vomit in the toilet, oops) - it wasn't discussed. My psychiatrist brought The Incident up, but like all of my other issues I talked my way out of it and it was never mentioned again.
Yet my mom is not a private person. She asked if I wanted a vibrator when I was 16. She told me the details of her failed marriage with my dad at 14. She's arguably an over-sharer, which is what makes this one issue so unique Even my depression & social anxiety are talked about; she's the one who forced me into therapy when it first began. But my ED is different for whatever reason. I'm not sure if I resent that or appreciate it. I guess I'll find out her thought process when I eventually seek recovery & do my own speaking of the unspoken.
Tonight, it was discussed. Or alluded to. For background: I somewhat stupidly left MiraLax out when I used it to clean up after a "binge" (definitely uncontrolled eating in a frenzy of hunger, but it was a normal amount of calories). She told me not to use it when she saw it and we left it at that. There was one similar incident this summer with Dulcolax and she essentially had the same reaction.
But she repeated herself tonight. I'm not sure if she knew I used it again since the first comment was made or she felt comfortable enough to elaborate on the issue after given time to think. She also told me I needed to stop chasing numbers. Idk if anyone else does this, but I am so obsessive compulsive when it comes to weight-tracking; I have written lists of numbers on everything (120 119 118, for example, are on my whiteboard, a piece of paper in my bed, at least 3 notes on my iPhone, and several ED forum signatures + threads). In high school, every single journal for classes had at least 5 pages of shit like that - rarely ever different in style or organization, just a list of weights I could cross off and feel, palpably, my accomplishment. So, she told me, I had been doing it for so long - chasing numbers. Since 7th grade, 7 years, and 40% of my life. I was surprised at how accurate she was. My ED, in my opinion, officially began that year. Then, she told me I transcend numbers (I laughed bc she initially said "you are bigger than numbers"...which, come on, is very ironic in this context). I know how sensitive this topic is and how significant her addressing The Numbers really is - she has never, not once over 7 years, said anything about the numbers and, although I ideally would've wanted her to never notice, I didn't exactly hide it (like putting it on my whiteboard for example lol).
That's really all there is to it. She addressed it and it was weird...I wasn't nervous or super uncomfortable. And even after I almost feel neutral. Like: ok, and? Don't get me wrong, I really appreciated this happening. It confirmed, at least to a degree, my problem is real. But ultimately it is irrelevant and I will keep chasing the numbers and make this new LW of several years turn into a LW for all of time (well, in terms of my post-ED development weighing history).
I don't know. I felt the need to tell someone but it didn't feel right to say it to someone who knows and cares for me, even out of the disordered friends I have. So thanks for being my journal lmao. Don't feel the need to reply if you've read it, but it would be nice to have someone tell me they can relate. I feel like EDs are much more isolating and lonely than depression. You can tell someone you're profoundly sad, even if it's reductive, & they can understand - or think they do. You can't tell someone about your ED as easily because you can't narrow it down to one emotion or feeling or lack thereof. :/
[Rant/Rave] It seems like my recovery is a myth
/u/space-crumpet [178 cm | GW: 65kg | F]
Created: Mon Sep 17 01:13:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gi6be/it_seems_like_my_recovery_is_a_myth/
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So, we've been on holidays recently. I felt like a normal person for few days. I was eating a lot, including desserts and alcohol, we were hiking every single day (around 20 km/day). It was a good time, I felt so free. I expected to gain some weight, but I didn't care.
We're back home. And I'm back to my ana (bulimia is not back yet, I guess), my destructive thinking, false body image, etc. I lost 2 kg during holidays, and it triggered me A LOT. I wasn't expecting to it happen, but it did, and now I'm struggling again. I was doing so good in terms of my recovery, I was eating up to 1150 kcal a day before holidays, etc.
I've changed my therapist recently, and I'm going to the new group therapy tomorrow. But I don't want to go, I want to go back to restricting, and finally stop struggling. Restricting is my comfort zone, and I need it so much right now.
The most depressing part is that I'll have to admit all that to my husband, who is actually so freaking tired of my everyday BS. I know he's not going to leave me or anything, but my relapses make us drift apart from each other.
I know you'll all understand me.
Orthodontist visits and purging?
/u/IDontLikeLollipops
Created: Mon Sep 17 01:03:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gi4es/orthodontist_visits_and_purging/
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I started purging relatively recently, so I don't think there's tooth decay yet, and I only have 3 months of braces, so I'm hoping it won't be clear because of that.
BUT what about the actual bruising? Like I've heard dentists can see when you've given blow jobs recently, and I'm v sure purging is rougher. Anyone have any idea how long the bruising sticks around? And whether or not it's obvious that it's from purging rather than blowing?
Imagining the feeling of a thinner body
/u/PeachLeak
Created: Mon Sep 17 00:58:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gi3hv/imagining_the_feeling_of_a_thinner_body/
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Sometimes I'm standing around and feel a sudden consciousness of.. my height, the weight on my feet, the alignment of my hips and legs, the feeling of my clothes, my muscles underneath my fat.
And I can also imagine how it would feel to be thin right then and there. I can project the image of a thin girl onto where I'm standing. Close my eyes and pretend to look down and see narrow, long legs in skinny jeans, with an extra small tshirt ending just a bit above them. I can travel up my body and feel where my waist curves into my body, and imagine it being smaller and smaller, leaving my shirt empty around me.
I try to practice being mindful like this, sometimes before I go to sleep (helps me fall asleep too). In middle school we had a one off meditation class where we were told to feel and imagine the positions of all our limbs, and flex and relax each one slowly from the bottom up. That really stuck with me and it's become my main trick for thinspo.
Another method I have is sitting on the edge of a chair and looking at my thighs and knees. I'm overweight but they look quite thin here, so it's very motivating to see that and want to make it come true. When I sit up straight on the edge like that I can pretend I have a thigh gap, too And my knees, I love to feel them and imagine how they're becoming bonier. I squeeze them and feel how I have a long way to go.
DAE get really annoyed when people make any comment whatsoever on what you’re eating
/u/thyme1999
Created: Mon Sep 17 00:48:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gi1qa/dae_get_really_annoyed_when_people_make_any/
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Eating a safe food and people go “eeeew what’s that “ makes me want to stop eating what little food I allow myself anyway
Also like it feels like being seen while eating is a weird personal thing that can’t be avoided sometimes like “you can see me eat? I thought I was invisible. I swear this isn’t normal behavior for me I usually live off air like a fairy”
Bottom line I wish I could just tell everyone I know to never comment on what I’m eating because it makes me so unreasonably self conscious and pissed off but that would raise red flags soooo
Imagining the feeling of a thinner body
/u/PeachLeak
Created: Mon Sep 17 00:46:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gi19c/imagining_the_feeling_of_a_thinner_body/
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Sometimes I'm standing around and get hit with a sudden consciousness of.. my height, the weight on my feet, the alignment of my hips and legs, the feeling of my clothes, my muscles underneath my fat.
And I can also imagine how it would feel to be thin right then and there. I can project the image of a thin girl onto where I'm standing. Close my eyes and pretend to look down and see narrow, long legs in skinny jeans, with an extra small tshirt ending right under my belly button. I can travel up my body and feel where my waist curves into my body, and imagine it being smaller and smaller, hiding underneath my clothes.
I try to practice being mindful like this, sometimes before I go to sleep. In middle school we had a one off meditation class where we were told to feel and imagine the positions of all our limbs, and flex and relax each one slowly from the bottom up. That really stuck with me and it's become my main truck for thinspo.
Another method I have is sitting on the edge of a chair and looking at my thighs and knees. I'm overweight but they look quite thin here, so it's very motivating to see that and want to make it come true. And my knees, I love to feel them and imagine how they're becoming bonier and bonier.
[Discussion] DAE have a separate schedule/calendar for their ED & Habits, Inc.?
/u/landfill7707
Created: Mon Sep 17 00:39:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gi05i/dae_have_a_separate_schedulecalendar_for_their_ed/
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I’m actually off the deep end now. Just added a separate calendar on google calendar to plan out my meals, workouts, goals, times I can purge, etc. Someone slap me.
I need help reducing my hunger
/u/brokenchalkboard
Created: Mon Sep 17 00:13:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ghvhj/i_need_help_reducing_my_hunger/
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I literally will eat a fuckton of veggies and fill myself up, but like twenty minutes later I have a raging hunger and it’s impossible to ignore. What helps? Caffeine? Water? Diet drinks? ECA stacks? Dieting pills? I just need something to help me suppress my damn appetite 😭😭😭 I can’t stand wanting to binge every twenty minutes
[Rant/Rave] Trying to recover and ditch MFP while the package of chips literally be like "count calories!" on the front, y a y :)
/u/AspergersAndCoffee [5'2F | Last recorded weight 93 | SW 100 | Starting therapy soon]
Created: Sun Sep 16 23:14:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ghk6q/trying_to_recover_and_ditch_mfp_while_the_package/
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https://i.redd.it/w8r9vw27gqm11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] single for good lol
/u/psybeams [5'3 | 17f | cw : 110 | gw : 100 | bmi : 19]
Created: Sun Sep 16 23:07:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ghioj/single_for_good_lol/
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time to start restricting so i can fucking die already
[Rant/Rave] okay but DAE get super pissed when restricting?
/u/tifaloch
Created: Sun Sep 16 22:56:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ghgfj/okay_but_dae_get_super_pissed_when_restricting/
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like... i want to be at ~400 calories for the day (net, thanks to 24k steps). i do.
and yet, i’m super fucking angry about it. i want some of the dinner i made my boyfriend. i was willing to settle for some fucking lettuce with yogurt dressing.
i told my bf don’t let me have another drink, let me eat instead. he says: “stop being a martyr, you’re an adult. do what you want”
so i’m having the drink.
and i cut myself.
i’m so angry at literally everything.
please tell me i’m not alone.
[Rant/Rave] I almost thought I’d found a balance...
/u/originalRedBull [5'5"| 94lbs | 15.83| -40lbs | F]
Created: Sun Sep 16 22:26:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ghadp/i_almost_thought_id_found_a_balance/
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Between school/work/social life and of course my constant fluctuating weight. I almost, almost had a solid 3ish months of confidence. I was gaining super slowly but a lot of it was due to my increased work hours (it’s a pretty active job).
I feel like I don’t know how I got to this point but currently my grades are down, work is killing my soul and I haven’t been this heavy in months.
Like what the actual fuck happened? Did I just black out for weeks and let my stupid drunkass alter ego take over? I thought I was happy but looking back on the stuff I remember I really don’t think I was.
Regardless I’m sure as shit depressed now. I lonely af but I see people almost every day at work or school.
I have an exam in 7 hours and I haven’t cracked a book for it. On the other hand today has been great in restricting as I’m only about 4 beers in to my daily limit (also why don’t they put Cals on all booze containers? I’m drinking so I’ll forget my guilt anyway mmkay).
I just have no motivation for anything except starving. I’m too tired of this stupid ass cycle of almost recovery. Antidepressants haven’t helped, therapy has been a joke. I’m too pussy to do anything except starve so in a way it’s perfect I guess.
I don’t even know what triggered this. I’m physically repulsed by myself like I am anxious to show my face in class tomorrow even though no one will be thinking about anything except the exam. I can tell I’m losing it but the only way I’m coping is seeing that number drop faster than my GPA.
I so apologize for this sad beer rant. But I really appreciate being able to post.
[Discussion] I feel kinda bad about noticing other people’s weight changes.
/u/edthrowaway12121
Created: Sun Sep 16 22:25:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gha38/i_feel_kinda_bad_about_noticing_other_peoples/
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Does anyone else notice weight gain or loss on their friends / family / coworkers and almost fixate on it for a bit?
I feel super weird and kinda bad about it. I’m a dancer at a strip club and work sometimes 5 days a week so I see the same group of girls that I’ve seen for years basically half naked on a regular basis. One of them who I use to be close with has fluctuated a lot, recently losing some but I can’t keep my eye off her body now. And another girl who took a break for a little bit came back and has gained probably 10-15 pounds.
I can’t stop looking at them and their bodies. Not while they can see of course but when I get a chance. Like it sounds horrible and judgy , but I almost put myself in their head and think “wow that sucks” or “keep going”
It’s horrible.
I figure at least someone else is the same way with girls / guys at their job or maybe family members and close friends.
i feel like my ed is preventing me from being in any real relationships
/u/peacecorpsquestion3
Created: Sun Sep 16 22:13:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gh7c4/i_feel_like_my_ed_is_preventing_me_from_being_in/
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platonic or otherwise. I’m 16 and I’ve never had a real boyfriend. I have a lot of friends but I feel like they’re all “shallow” friendships if that makes any sense? I’m actually like interested in a guy rn but I just think about going to the effort to get to know him and my ed brain is like “nope how will you be able to concentrate on gymnastics and starving yourself then?”. I feel like my anorexia itself is kind of like an abusive relationship in my head that sucks up all of my time. and at this point it’s kind of a crutch. Lol fuck this I’ll just go be a ho
*Water fasts for 4 days after months of failed attempts, then breaks fast by eating enough food for 4 days*
/u/zagadatbae
Created: Sun Sep 16 22:11:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gh6zj/water_fasts_for_4_days_after_months_of_failed/
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http://i.imgur.com/hLy2wnd.jpg
[Other] The satisfaction of throwing up solid food
/u/seedlesssunflower
Created: Sun Sep 16 21:32:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ggxw2/the_satisfaction_of_throwing_up_solid_food/
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Not on purpose. Just drank a lot of wine and the lovely saturated fat chow mein I bought Front the store minutes before came up whole. I’ve posted before about gagging for personal comfort. This wasn’t on purpose (I think) but it feels nice. Last time I said something g remotely close to this it turned out to be the pre-mia
[Help] Trouble with fasting ! Need Advice
/u/pringlesenthusiast
Created: Sun Sep 16 21:32:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ggxs0/trouble_with_fasting_need_advice/
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I’ve never fasted for more than 48 hours. Most of the time I only do it for 24-36 hours and then go back to OMAD/low calorie intake. My problem is I get dizzy and light headed and feel weak. I know that’s all normal but sometimes when I’m fasting it’s worse and bad enough I can’t really function. How can I fast and avoid getting so dizzy lightheaded and weak
[Rant/Rave] I can’t keep any solids down
/u/titsncats
Created: Sun Sep 16 20:25:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gghxq/i_cant_keep_any_solids_down/
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I’ve tried soup, etc and it just starts this never ending cycle of burps until I have to purge to relieve myself. Then, I make a cocktail. I should be stoked on this but for some reason I’m frustrated.
[Discussion] All hail the poop gods!
/u/1354267
Created: Sun Sep 16 20:13:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ggerc/all_hail_the_poop_gods/
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I hadn’t pooped for three days before today, and fuck do I feel better. Turns out restricting and binging ISN’T GOOD FOR YOUR GUT. Who else wants to thank the poop gods today?
[Goal] i just hit my lowest weight again!!
/u/seeyasis
Created: Sun Sep 16 20:10:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ggdwu/i_just_hit_my_lowest_weight_again/
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i weigh 53kg right now but my goal is 50. i’ve never been able to get lower than 53 without gaining weight again so fingers crossed!!
[Rant/Rave] Talking to people about weight loss
/u/Coldcoffeepls
Created: Sun Sep 16 20:07:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ggd3y/talking_to_people_about_weight_loss/
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Sometimes I get super frustrated because i try to talk to people about how I want to lose weight and everyone just wants to tell me how to do it healthily. I already know how to lose weight healthily but I don’t want to because it won’t make me lose weight fast enough. I just want to be thin.
Like I told my coworker that my calorie goal is 1000 and they laughed at me and said I would go into starvation mode with 1000, but the reality is that I feel as though 1000 is way too many calories to even lose any weight, and I usually try for 800 or less. Ugh. I just wish I wouldn’t be judged for this.
[Other] a showerthought
/u/duskedfur [5'7"|CW: 105|16.4|UGW: 100|F]
Created: Sun Sep 16 20:01:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ggbfx/a_showerthought/
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the best way to describe AN B/P subtype is adding something to myfitnesspal and removing it 10 minutes later.
[Rant/Rave] havent reached my goal at all.
/u/2ndfirstday [5'5" | 101 lbs | 16.8 BMI | -3 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Sep 16 19:47:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gg7wa/havent_reached_my_goal_at_all/
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been tracking everything for the past 9 weeks (longer, but my “goal” started 9 weeks ago) and i’m still at the same weight. I’ve done heavy restriction some days, but i know my binges ruined everything. it’s been so humiliating for myself. 2 weeks left until my personal deadline. i feel like absolute shit.
[Help] Anyone else use the google fit app?
/u/lemonpepperfresh [5'1 | CW 117 | GW 92]
Created: Sun Sep 16 19:37:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gg5fu/anyone_else_use_the_google_fit_app/
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I'm just a bit worried because it says that I've walked 8400 steps but only burned 1000 cals... is this accurate?
[Rant/Rave] I’ve been sick
/u/Moz22
Created: Sun Sep 16 19:27:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gg2ri/ive_been_sick/
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I’ve been sick recently. I allowed myself to binge once because I was feeling extra shitty and really wanted a damn burrito. And I haven’t been working out because I’ve been #dying. I weighed myself today and I’ve lost 2.5 lbs. wtf??? How? I’m not mad but like what lol okay cool body keep doing you.
[Rant/Rave] Frustrated :/
/u/la_perla_negra
Created: Sun Sep 16 19:26:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gg2ij/frustrated/
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It's been ages since I've posted on here & as the title states I'm frustrated...
I had a wisdom tooth removed last month which was great b/c I couldn't binge and I got to the lowest weight I had been in F O R E V E R (178) the downside was I gave up ephedra during this time due to not knowing how it would interact with my antibiotics.
Now I feel like a frustrated cow, I'm almost 10lbs heavier, granted I maintained in the low 180's for soo long and I know most of this weight is period bloat but it makes me feel awful.
I have coworkers who comment on my height/weight (I'm 5'9) and call me tiny/skinny/slim; some days it's great, other days I feel like a fraud.
Stress from getting my shit together to move, stress from work, stress from my family, my long distance relationship...all of it makes me want to scream- I dance between starving my self and living off of diet soda and juul pods or I eat like a famished person.
At this point I'm debating on going back to ephedra...I miss being below 130lbs, and that's a decade behind me; at this point I would just settle for being under 180lbs.
Alright...rant over, thanks for letting me vent
[Rant/Rave] Difficult Family
/u/staticphat [Height: 5'3 | CW: Jabba the Hutt | GW: Bikini Leia]
Created: Sun Sep 16 19:15:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gfzqa/difficult_family/
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I’m a little angry right now because he didn’t get what I wanted for dinner and now I have to eat a 900 calorie dinner.
But my dad makes my unhealthy relationship with food worse. He’s only home on weekends and his number one concern is always what are we going to eat, who’s cooking, etc. He grew up really poor so I kind of understand the mindset but we’re very middle class and not going to starve any time soon. He always wants to make/eat high calorie foods and always asks why I don’t eat more. He also really pushes for family meals and gets really angry when I’m not hungry. He also gets really mad when we don’t have extra food left over; whenever I cook I make enough for each of us to have a reasonably sized portion and he gets really angry because I “didn’t make enough” even though no one else is complaining and he doesn’t even finish his portion.
What REALLY pisses me off though is when we’re with our grandparents and my dad pushes me to eat. He gets irrationally angry when I say I’m not hungry or I don’t want to try the food they have. He says I’m not appreciating them and that he never asks me for anything (not true) and the least I can do is eat when and what he wants me to. He’s a control freak. It’s my body; I’m not going to push myself to discomfort for the sake of meeting your unreasonable demands.
[Goal] I think I'm going to work on being healthier
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2 | 148 | Aiming for 146 by 10/1 | -12| f21]
Created: Sun Sep 16 19:01:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gfwgt/i_think_im_going_to_work_on_being_healthier/
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I'm kind of inbetween a real ed and extreme dieter tbh but lately I've realized I CAN eat more and be okay with eating in general..not in a binge way, still losing weight, feeling better ect. I'm going to take a break from here and try to be better while still achieving my goal(120, not even underweight!)...So I guess thanks for letting me vent here, sorry if I was a poser.
[Help] binge/restrict cycle woes; has anyone stopped the binge/restrict cycle?
/u/scornedcinnamon [4'11.5" | CW: 87.5 | BMI: 17.4 | GW: 80 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 16 19:01:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gfw83/bingerestrict_cycle_woes_has_anyone_stopped_the/
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the binge restrict cycle really messes with my head.
can anyone relate? i feel so mentally distressed from restricting myself during the day but i create further anguish when i binge at night. it is so fucking frustrating to basically maintain my weight because all my brain can remember is the mental battles that i do have when i am able to restrict. but my brain doesn't seem to remember when i binge. sometimes i think "woe is me, my weight isn't going down" but yeah it isn't going down because i do both reactive eating and emotional eating. i really wonder what these binge/restrict cycles are doing to my hormone levels, fat cells, insulin, etc lol i can't imagine it's good.
does anyone have any experiences with stopping the binge/restrict cycle? i'm going back to college soon and i can't imagine what things would be like in AYCE dining halls oh dear.
I've been sitting here twirling a chocolate bar in my hand for an hour trying to decide whether I should eat it or not
/u/ImMissBrightside [5'2" | cw: 94 | gw: 90| 23f]
Created: Sun Sep 16 18:37:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gfqid/ive_been_sitting_here_twirling_a_chocolate_bar_in/
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bored eating is the worst. If only I never conditioned myself to eat something when I watch stuff
people are fat and happy
/u/cortizonegnome [5'3" | bingetastic CW: 107 | GW 92 | UGW 88 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 16 18:37:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gfqia/people_are_fat_and_happy/
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so I'm just gonna start of by apologizing in case anything I say is rude b/c it might be--I'm just trying to b transparent with my thoughts.
I was leaving one of my TA sessions and I saw one of the students walking in front of me and I stared at her b/c..I mean she was in front of me and I have a horrible tendency just to analyze people's bodies. she was overweight, not crazily by American standards, but definitely heavy. I watched her sort of waddle (I'm sorry that's rude to say but it's what I was thinking to myself as I looked at her) and the way her thighs chafed and the rolls on her stomach etc. and then I saw her link hands with the guy next to her and I was like "oh! they're dating". and idk it's such an obvious revelation but I realized that she's content. she has a bf and probably feels lovely at the weight she is at. she is fat and she is having a grand time. you don't need to be thin to be loved. you don't need to be thin to live the life you want to live. idk. it sort of ridiculous that the fact that you can be fat and happy occurred to me as sort of an epiphany but it did. there are a lot of overweight people in the world and a good deal of them are having the time of their freaking lives. I should try to be happy too. why does my weight matter so much to me. I don't have to be thin to be happy right ?
idk
[Help] injury not allowing me to work out :( restriction without exercise?
/u/scornedcinnamon
Created: Sun Sep 16 18:36:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gfq2a/injury_not_allowing_me_to_work_out_restriction/
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ngl so last week i injured my glute area, presumably when i was trying to exercise off my binge calories lol. it is pretty bothersome to even walk, let alone do the kind of stuff i was doing before (some hiit, light weights, youtube videos almost every day for 1-1.5 hours). also, i've been stuck in a binge/restrict cycle for a while and it is so damn frustrating because i can't exercise any of it off!!! i tried counting calories for a while, but it just made me too conscious of how many calories i had left, so i just sort of mentally track. i have already binged today and with every day that i don't exercise, i literally *feel* myself getting squishier.
have any of you been successful without exercising a lot? i have noticed that my appetite has been somewhat lower, but i did just have a mini-binge 30 minutes ago *soooo* who knows.
[Discussion] watching food videos right before a binge
/u/scornedcinnamon
Created: Sun Sep 16 18:28:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gfo6w/watching_food_videos_right_before_a_binge/
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i realize that 97/100 times before i binge, i'll be watching youtube videos about food, reading blog posts about food, scrolling through yelp, etc. even all of the buzzfeed quizzes i do revolve around food. at times i'll fall asleep watching youtube videos about food lol. after a while, i'll end up binging and suddenly i have zero desire to be around food any more.
is anyone like this? also, on a slightly unrelated note, what kind of things do y'all watch on youtube that aren't about food? i try to keep my mind off of it, but i end up subscribing and unsubscribing to the same food youtube accounts lol.
[Help] Going to the dentist?
/u/bingeyboa [5'0" | 99lbs | 19.3 | -18lbs | F]
Created: Sun Sep 16 18:26:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gfnsn/going_to_the_dentist/
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Hey, I'm going to the dentist for the first time in seven years tomorrow to get an X ray and a cleaning done. Any advice?
I purge usually 3 out of seven days of the week and rinse my mouth with a dissolved tums afterward. I'm over 18, so they can't tell my parents.
I figure lying to them would be worse than anything, as purging leaves such distinctive signs on the teeth. Should I tell them up front, or should I wait and let them bring it up (if they do)?
My medical insurance sucks ass, and for a long time all our dental money was allocated for my brother's braces, which is why I haven't been since I was 12. Unfortunately, my wisdom teeth, which I was told I didn't have, just erupted, so I'm going in for an emergency check of what's happening to see if I need surgery.
[Rant/Rave] Wow why do I do this to myself??
/u/moonchldx [5'1'' | 114.4 | 21.7 | -11lbs | F | ]
Created: Sun Sep 16 18:12:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gfjy1/wow_why_do_i_do_this_to_myself/
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Said I was going to stay 300-500 cals....
I did so amazing for a week and lost 6lbs
Now I’m in a funk because I’m losing my mind at home... I ate 850 cals today, I know it’s below that 1200 cal recommendation blah blah blah but I feel like crap!
Ugh why do I do this to myself?!
Rant is over...
[Discussion] DAE not have a problem fasting but as soon as you start eating....
/u/strugglesbus
Created: Sun Sep 16 18:11:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gfjj1/dae_not_have_a_problem_fasting_but_as_soon_as_you/
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I'm new to posting, but I wanted to know if it was just me or not? I can fast for 7 days max (only done it once) but I like fasting because it makes me focus on other things like school work and being productive. For a while I did intermittent fasting as a way to restrict on a 20-4 schedule but stopped. My eating schedule is very weird now due to work and school but I can't seem to eat without opening a flood gate. It could be a small apple or a handful of blueberries and suddenly I crave everything.
My girlfriend called an eating disorder clinic and the worst possible outcome happened
/u/Nebulous_Idea
Created: Sun Sep 16 18:09:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gfiwv/my_girlfriend_called_an_eating_disorder_clinic/
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After me and her friends tried our best to convince her to, she finally decided she needed help and she called a clinic. They took her weight, which already upset her immensely, but it was necessary as that's information important to a doctor.
And then they told her that she isn't bad enough for them to help her.
And since then the poor girl has been absolutely spiraling. Binging and starving, taking laxatives and forcing herself to throw up again and again. It's horrific. It's sad. Its unfathomably depressing. I don't know what to do, she's lessened the initial reaction, but the damage of hearing a supposed medical *professional* tell her that she needs to get worse for her to get help is already done.
How do we overcome this titanic setback?
DAE smoke to fall asleep?
/u/desertfractal [5'5" | CW:130.8 |GW:111 | SW:143 | 23F]
Created: Sun Sep 16 18:04:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gfhkr/dae_smoke_to_fall_asleep/
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Pretty big lurker here first time post haha but does anyone else smoke weed to fall asleep? Days where I’m fasting I could just lay in bed for hours and not fall asleep, and if I smoke enough, even if I don’t fall asleep right away, I relax so much and it puts me in the perfect sleeping mood. I usually hate weed because it gives me social anxiety and always makes me tired no matter how high my tolerance is, which is why it’s perfect before bed because I’m by myself and so awake. I’m on mobile so I can add flair but my stats are: 5’5” GW: 111 CW: 128.6 (finally in the 120’s) -15lbs
[Tip] Tips for getting drunk and not eating the whole fucking kitchen?
/u/gigi-has-issues [5'9"| CW 155| GW 115| F]
Created: Sun Sep 16 17:55:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gff6k/tips_for_getting_drunk_and_not_eating_the_whole/
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I am trying to learn to drink in moderation like a real ass adult, but even moderate amounts of alcohol make my hungry/lose control. Any advice?
Binging on and loosing the same 20 pounds over and over like an idiot
/u/Shewantstolive
Created: Sun Sep 16 17:53:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gfeus/binging_on_and_loosing_the_same_20_pounds_over/
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Listen I’m so fucking sick of myself . I restrict myself to where I’m not even drinking water for days get down from 150 to 135 was my lowest so far and then something triggers me or someone offers me food and I just binge it all back on . This has been going on for 3 months now . I’m so sick of my lack of self control . I want to weigh and see 99 pounds on that Mother effing scale dam it . Someone punch me or motivate me or tell me to stop or tell me they beat this kind of self sabotage because I just want to fucking see my bones for god dam once . -end rant
[Discussion] Diet soda guilt?
/u/lilmdjd [5'3 | CW: 135 | LW: 95 | GW 115 | 23F]
Created: Sun Sep 16 17:39:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gfb8q/diet_soda_guilt/
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Does anyone else feel guilty for drinking too much diet soda? Like, I don’t consciously believe any of the “artificial sweeteners make you gain” bullshit BUT for some reason I still feel bad about it? I think partially because growing up my mom always used to tell me it would make me retain water so now I just think about that?
I just want to go buy a huge 7/11 fountain Diet Coke and drink the whole thing but I just can’t get myself to not feel guilty 😭
DAE do "small exercises" constantly?
/u/GQJohnDoe [6'2" | 233.2(!!) | 29.xx | 0.4 (>100 before) | M(ish)]
Created: Sun Sep 16 17:19:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gf6gp/dae_do_small_exercises_constantly/
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When I first went through this cycle years ago I was exercising like a fiend (cycling, lifting, etc) and my first few weeks in treatment I found myself constantly in minor motion (foot tapping, tensing/releasing leg muscles, etc). Tiny calorie burns, but, IDK, just something I was doing. Recently found myself doing it again. Anyone else?
Same Petrovich
/u/sonnivo
Created: Sun Sep 16 17:09:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gf40p/same_petrovich/
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https://i.redd.it/i2k1ec81nom11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] This post is fucked up and could come off super mean so I made a throwaway 🤷🏻♀️
/u/ashamedthrowawaylol
Created: Sun Sep 16 17:04:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gf2kz/this_post_is_fucked_up_and_could_come_off_super/
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Does anyone else think it’s kind of odd when people use this sub for dieting? People who are overweight or obese who just randomly start starving themselves and post about it like ooh I lost 5 pounds in a week! No shit Nancy you’re 250 pounds that’s nothing. Or saying they “can’t” eat more than 500 cals a day yet they’re morbidly obese... you don’t get that fat by struggling to eat food. Does a switch just go off in the brain that makes them go from BED to Ana? I just find it fake and forced. They have a hard time restricting or fasting and are always complaining again like it’s a diet sub when it truly isn’t. Maybe I’m fucked up and I’m just a jealous bitch who’s mad they got to eat so much food to get to that weight in the first place. I don’t like when people identify as Ana/restricters but they struggle with binging and overeating on the regular. That’s BED or bulimia or EDNOS not Ana... im on day 3 of a 5 day fast rn so if I come off as crazy I’m sorry but I’m crazy
Edit: made a throwaway bc I know this post won’t be well received and I’m fucked up for even thinking this
[Rant/Rave] Forcing myself to eat more while restricting, What is this normal eating :p?
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2 | 148 | Aiming for 146 by 10/1 | -12| f21]
Created: Sun Sep 16 17:02:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gf282/forcing_myself_to_eat_more_while_restricting_what/
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Today's been weird, I genuinely didn't like supper so I ate maybe half but logged full calories but even then I'm still several hundred under my low limit of 800. Having a low limit is interesting because my usual mentality of "Eat as low as you can each day" has been replaced with "what can you fit into 900 today?!" with a cushion of 100 in either direction, It's been honestly great? But today just feels....Wrong, I have 300 extra and I'm making myself eat it, I feel normal. Like a normal dieter who underrate by accident hahah. At any rate I have crackers, Boursin and apple to look forward to tonight and pretend for a moment I got this under control and I'm completely normal
[Discussion] Question for the Bulimics from an Ana...
/u/skeletonsofawhale [5'2 | 140 🐳 | -45 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 16 16:53:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gf010/question_for_the_bulimics_from_an_ana/
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Ok so you guys know how normies see those people who eat a lot of food and maintain/lose weight and assume they have a high metabolism?
How many of those people do you think are actually secretly bulimic? Like I stg I've seen some super skinny girls at school eat obscene amounts of junk food and not gain weight at all. I really hate them because my whole life, I've been overweight. Every week in my house, my mom wants to start a new weight loss diet. I always had to eat healthy food, but I was still fat (looking back, I was constantly overeating, and it was calorie dense healthy food.) The saddest part is, none of those diets ever worked for me except anorexia, which really fucking sucks. I feel like a failure bc I had to sacrifice my mental health just to get down to an acceptable weight. My weight loss story will be one of turmoil and self-hatred, not success and health. But I never had the fucking patience. I would usually yo-yo and give up 15 lbs before my goal. Now I have real motivation with freakishly fast results, but at what cost? Doesn't matter anyways, I don't want to stop.
Anyways, I used to have a hatred for those girls who ate absolute shit and never gained. I still do, but after developing an ED, I now realize that a lot of those people might have actually had bulimia and their life may not have been as peachy as I thought I was.
I still harbor some hatred towards girls like that. I watch a lot of mukbangs and unhealthy cooking channels, and it pisses me off to see people like Steph Pappas (mukbanger I'm subscribed to) and Julia from Hellthy Junk Food (extremely unhealthy cooking channel) stay so slim yet eat so much, but now I just assume they all have bulimia in order to calm me down. I know that's cruel of me, I've never had bulimia so I don't understand the struggle. But it eases the jealousy.
So long post aside, **TL;DR: How many people who claim to have a "high metabolism" actually suffer from bulimia? Is it really possible to have a metabolism that high?**
Got called a fat bitch by a stranger
/u/sadfatdragons
Created: Sun Sep 16 16:51:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gezcg/got_called_a_fat_bitch_by_a_stranger/
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So I'm basically starving myself til I die now its fine
[Intro] Anyone else over 20 and/or SW over 200lbs?
/u/PizzaKitty93
Created: Sun Sep 16 16:46:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gey74/anyone_else_over_20_andor_sw_over_200lbs/
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This is my first post here, so sorry in advance for all the oncoming rambling.
I've been calorie restricting since I was was a teen but after having a baby I skyrocketed to 205lb. I'm back down to 199lb in the last week. So that's cool I guess.
I've been following this sub with my other account for months now, and I've been following "proana", "proed", "thinspo", ect tags on Tumblr for literally years. But now I'm 25 with a kid and I'm seeing the majority of the population in this "group" (lack of a better term) is significantly younger than me and at a starting weight that's also significantly lower than mine.
I'm feeling pretty isolated because like, a) I'm overweight as fuck and b) I'm old in comparison. Soooo anyone else in their 20s or older? Anyone else here parents? Anyone else starting over 200lbs?
List your low-cal pumpkin foods/drinks
/u/SuicidalSuccubus
Created: Sun Sep 16 16:36:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gevpc/list_your_lowcal_pumpkin_foodsdrinks/
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It's that time of year, folks. I am obsessed with almost everything pumpkin-flavored, but it seems like most things (lattes, pies, muffins, etc) are super caloric! What are your favorite low-cal pumpkin things?
how to redeem after binge
/u/running_euphoria
Created: Sun Sep 16 16:31:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9geuc5/how_to_redeem_after_binge/
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ive been starting to lose weight again, and then today i drank 2 glasses of wine which i then ate a huge scoop of icecream with toppings, and a cupcake :( i feel so bloated and am truly upset with myself. is there any way to redeem myself and get rid of the bloat without fasting the entire next day?
Hi body, if you want me to eat, stop giving me stomach pain and nausea and diarrhea when I do. Thanks.
/u/graeciamagna
Created: Sun Sep 16 16:28:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9getnk/hi_body_if_you_want_me_to_eat_stop_giving_me/
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[Rant/Rave] 11lbs up in 3 days. Holy shit, somebody please hit me with a fucking bus.
/u/losemore [5'10" | BMI 19.61 | -49.8lb | 22F]
Created: Sun Sep 16 16:24:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gesi3/11lbs_up_in_3_days_holy_shit_somebody_please_hit/
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Oh my god. After a weekend of alcohol on Friday + Saturday night, fast food all 3 days and fuck all sleep and water. I jumped on the scale this morning and am 11lbs up from my Friday weight.
I’m not overly concerned as I know it’s mostly all water retention as my normal diet involves none of the food I ate over the weekend, and even though I was eating terribly, I wouldn’t have gone over my TDEE by very much at all, and at the absolute most I probably would have gained half a pound as I normally low restrict to around 300ish calories a day .. but it’s still fucking with me, my face looks swollen and puffy, my stomach is sore, swollen and hard, and I feel disgusting and lethargic.
Does anybody have any tips on how to remove water retention ASAP? Almost tempted to pop a few lax and shit all my bad decisions out, buuut I sometimes get bloated from lax too fml.
I’m a few hours into a 4 day fast and upping my water intake, but any other suggestions at all that will get rid of the bloating slightly faster are welcome.
Gas station food
/u/Anonymous_fiend [5'3 | CW:115lbs | HW:145 LW:83]
Created: Sun Sep 16 16:19:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gerfa/gas_station_food/
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Me and my bf went to Wawa after a couple hours doing a ropes course and zip lining. I was too anxious to find somewhere safe last minute to eat out so we got food there. Not only do they have Coca-Cola Freestyle so I can get 32 oz Coke Zero Raspberry, vanilla, cherry or a mix for $1 but they have an amazing food section. You customize your order on a touchscreen without any human interaction. The best part is it shows the calories as you go. Vegetarian friendly with many options. I got a black bean and rice burrito bowl with cheddar cheese sauce, lettuce, jalapeños, and salsa for around 300 calories. Plus you can mess with the nutrition calculator online so you find a safe food. Super filling.
im back
/u/RosenWeiss9 [5'3.5 | CW 118 | GW 104 | LW 107 | F26 ]
Created: Sun Sep 16 16:18:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ger1m/im_back/
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everything in my life is going great right now except for the fat i put back on my thighs and everywhere else on this stupid body.
send help
[Rant/Rave] My roommate is driving me crazy
/u/rp42069
Created: Sun Sep 16 16:12:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gepb3/my_roommate_is_driving_me_crazy/
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I know I can’t really be too mad at my roommate, but she’s driving me insane. We’ve been living together for a month (I didn’t know her before this) and she keeps talking about food and how hard it is to be skinny. She’s like the skinniest person I know in real life, so like yay real life Thinspo when she walks around our room is basically nothing! But when we first met she was telling me how she can never gain weight, she’s so skinny she doesn’t like her collarbones to stick out etc. and it kills me because I’m actually obese and I would kill to have a body like hers.
So today she starts telling me she needs to gain weight so her boyfriend made her this special diet where she “had to eat, like, all the time” and talking about how she needs to eat all this bread and it’s just making me crazy.
[Other] 3 calorie tea bags
/u/xxmybrokendreamsxx
Created: Sun Sep 16 16:09:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9geog5/3_calorie_tea_bags/
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I found lemon ginger tea with honey that's organic and only 3 calories a drink
I'm so happy
[Rant/Rave] Birthday binge :(
/u/eughfuckthat
Created: Sun Sep 16 16:06:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9genju/birthday_binge/
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So I turned 17 on Wednesday and this whole week I’ve done nothing but eat so much junk food. I’m actually horrified to even think about how much weight I’ve gained. I’m on hour 23 of a fast and I’m about to break it on a fucking 600+ calorie dinner and I’m so stressed
Well that was a shitty idea
/u/sydneyrenee12
Created: Sun Sep 16 15:45:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gehgq/well_that_was_a_shitty_idea/
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Ive been trying to lose weight the "healthy" way instead of purging my 600 calories/day for two days now... So i didnt purge today and thought "hey ill make a side by side of my progress to look at and itll make me feel better about how far ive come"... wrong. Made me feel worse and like an idiot for not throwing up calories today 😒.. so i think those 400 calories are enough for today.. ugh why am i like this
[Rant/Rave] I'm in a fitness group and my success gets ignored, and I'm pretty sure it's because I'm thinner than most of the ladies in it. And it pisses me off.
/u/tinywolfxo [5'4"|C 113|G 105|H 162|L 97|F|]
Created: Sun Sep 16 15:34:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9geeob/im_in_a_fitness_group_and_my_success_gets_ignored/
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This is a very small group and we all know each other from another group that's connected. Whenever one of the over weight or average woman lose weight, hit a new fitness goal, they get praised so much. I'm a good 20+ pounds lighter than most of them, but I'm skinny fat. I have way too much body fat and basically no muscles, and I'm working really hard to fix that. When I post progress in my fitness and weight loss, it gets practically ignored and it really pisses me off because I cheer everyone on and don't get the same support. The only reason I can think for this to happen is that they're jealous petty bitches, which sucks to have in a supposed to be support group 😩😒
Ugh. End rant.
[Discussion] DAE hate "foodie" memes/slogans?
/u/impkidz [165cm ♡ CW: 114lbs ♡ GW: 90lbs ♡ BMI: 19.22 ♡ F(?)]
Created: Sun Sep 16 15:30:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gedf6/dae_hate_foodie_memesslogans/
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Something about those "pizza will always love you"/quirky food-obsessed social media posts always drive me up the wall. They always seem to be about bot taking care of yourself and pigging out. Maybe its because my relationship with food has always been screwed up, maybe it's because it feels like it encourages unhealthy relationships with eating, maybe it's my fast getting to me, idk. I just always hate seeing memes and stuff on social media that makes some big fuss about food.
Bronkaid in Oregon?
/u/SvelteDreams [5'5" | CW 121lbs | GW 100lbs | 21F]
Created: Sun Sep 16 15:17:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ge9n3/bronkaid_in_oregon/
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I want to start EC stacking but live in Oregon. Can I get bronkaid here or do I need to make a trip to Washington in order to get that?
[Discussion] What body type are you and how does it affect your daily life?
/u/ArkhamBrothers [5’1 👻 CW:118 👻 GW:90 👻 F]
Created: Sun Sep 16 15:12:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ge89o/what_body_type_are_you_and_how_does_it_affect/
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I’m a pear shape and it kills me to know I’ll never have skinny long beautiful legs. On the plus side, my waist is extremely small and I love it. But being pear, all my fat stays on my hips and thighs. ALL. OF. IT. What about you guys??
[Discussion] College feeds my ED but not me
/u/landfill7707
Created: Sun Sep 16 15:04:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ge61j/college_feeds_my_ed_but_not_me/
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My ED is living its best life. I’m currently restricting to 200 cals for the next 4 days hopefully (started yesterday). I’ve had half of an Oreo today and no one knows. I’m saving money, losing weight, and I have so much time on my hands now that I don’t lose an hour or more to meals. My suitemates and I all have fitbits so I have an excuse to overexercise and rack up my steps, and my roommate (we share a bedroom within the suite) likes to study in the library so she’s never here to notice if I’m fasting or b/p ing. As long as I don’t fuck it up by bingeing i think I’ll be good.
Anorexic gf
/u/thr0w4way4s3cret
Created: Sun Sep 16 15:04:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ge5yx/anorexic_gf/
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Not sure if this is allowed so apologies if not.
My gf is currently in recovery but I don't want her to gain weight, I love how skinny she is. Kinda just need to vent. I respect her decision to recover but im kinda losing interest. I'm not attracted to her illness but I am interested in how skinny she is/was
How do you guys make/serve/cook sweet potatoes?
/u/Paisleybabe
Created: Sun Sep 16 15:00:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ge4it/how_do_you_guys_makeservecook_sweet_potatoes/
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[Rant/Rave] DAE feel like their body is broken?
/u/chicagorie [5'7"|GW 108 |CW want 2 die|F]
Created: Sun Sep 16 14:59:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ge4eg/dae_feel_like_their_body_is_broken/
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I feel like my body is "broken" and by that I mean it will NOT seem to lose weight on the "1200-1600" cals most adult females seem to be able to lose on.
Like I HAVE to eat 500 or less, ideally under 350. and I run 30-90min 6 days a week, plus OTF 3x a week. So it's not like I'm not active.
Is this in my head? I feel like I am going crazy. And if anyone says one thing about "starvation mode" I'm going to lose it, b/c thats not a real thing (at least not to the extent that many make it out to be, eg "you're gaining weight on 1000 a day b/c of starvation mode, no. thats science BS, you metabolism may slow down, but not that much).
Sorry I'm fat and grouchy today.
[Tip] Cheaper, homemade Halotop alternative (frozen protein fluff)
/u/PhoneWalletSanity [156cm/5'1.5| 100 lbs| 19.4| 18F| Exploring Recovery]
Created: Sun Sep 16 14:56:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ge3ez/cheaper_homemade_halotop_alternative_frozen/
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Idk why I haven't posted this before, especially with how excited I was when Halotop came to Canada last year but there's a homemade alternative folks; 3-4 ingredients plus a hand blender/stand mixer = frozen protein fluff!
I'm not sure how much cheaper it is per 500ml but I always have protein powder in the house for after pole sessions but I imagine at 2 lbs/tub and 30g/scoop, it's definitely cheaper than $7/500ml (ugh, Canadian prices).
The recipe I use makes about a quart and might make more but I use an immersion blender with a whisk attachment so it might not get as fluffy versus a stand mixer.
Mix 1 scoop protein powder (110 cal for vanilla Isoflex), 1/3 cup cold liquid of choice (10 cal for unsweetened cashew milk), 2 g xantham gum (5 cal and you can skip it if you don't have it but it keeps it fluffy for longer).
Beat with anything but a manual whisk for ~10 minutes until it's big and fluffy. Freeze it over night and you have a mousse-like ice cream that's 125 cal/500ml as opposed to 360+ cal with ~27 g protein, low fat, low carb, vegan friendly if you use vegan protein powder (but then you need the xantham gum and I'm pretty sure only certain vegan protein powders work).
Flavour variations: put everything in a blender first with frozen fruit then fluff it. Add pumps of sugar free syrup. Throw in some sprinkles. Swirl with psyllium jam. Change up the flavour of protein powder.
If you don't want to freeze it, the unfrozen version is like a protein coolwhip.
heed my warning
/u/vulturepants [5'5 | SW: 175 | CW: still too much | GW: 115]
Created: Sun Sep 16 14:55:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ge35h/heed_my_warning/
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do not take a bunch of laxatives before a long car ride because you assume they won't kick in until after you arrive. DONT do it
[Rant/Rave] What a lovely ending to the week...
/u/kristine0711 [158cm | 46.4kg | BMI 18.6 | 17F]
Created: Sun Sep 16 14:43:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gdzrv/what_a_lovely_ending_to_the_week/
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I was just standing in the kitchen making some food before I’m off to bed, as eating right before I go to bed is basically the only regular meal I have. And before you know it, I’m getting awfully nauseous and dizzy. I sit my stupid ass down for a min because I know I’ll pass out otherwise.
Ok, been sitting for a minute now, time to get back up and finish my food. BIG MISTAKE.
Next thing I know, I’m laying on the kitchen floor, with an awful headache and my arm is burning. Turns out, I passed out right after I got back up, fell over my oven, burning my arm, and then hitting my head on a kitchen machine I got standing in the corner.
[Rant/Rave] Carrying out ED behaviours unknowingly
/u/worrxrrx
Created: Sun Sep 16 14:26:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gdunm/carrying_out_ed_behaviours_unknowingly/
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I came across this [https://broadly.vice.com/en\_us/article/xwqj7w/the-women-sleeping-their-lives-away-to-lose-weight?utm\_source=vicefbus](https://broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/xwqj7w/the-women-sleeping-their-lives-away-to-lose-weight?utm_source=vicefbus) and reading the description of this "diet" it reminded me of the first year I spent living away from my parents.
My ED got really bad and I was taking a lottttt of valium, xanax etc etc cause they were easy to come by. I used to not eat for days during the week when I went to work. And when I'd come home on the weekends, I lived in a shitty apartment with insane roommates, I was super depressed, bored to death and lonely as hell. The only thing that would keep me going was comfort foods but also I knew I couldn't eat them. And that's pretty much how the sleeping pill addiction started and I'd purposely take a bit too much on a friday evening after coming home from work and sometimes I'd sleep all through Saturday. To be honest, I'm surprised I survived for as long as I did. It was awful. But at that time I didn't even want to admit I had a problem so I just thought that was normal. But it's when I read something like this that puts my own behaviour in a different perspective and I realise I had a problem all along.
Anyway, yeah not a huge point to all this just wanted to share. Also when I quit the sleeping pills I had insomnia for about 2 months. Honestly don't know how I survived. I'd sleep maybe 2-3 hours a week. So glad I'm not in that place anymore.
Talking about your innermost ED feelings with people who don’t have an ED = big mistake.
/u/dxylightt [short | 125 | GW: 95 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 16 14:05:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gdofs/talking_about_your_innermost_ed_feelings_with/
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I just had a really long talk with my (obese) mother where I told her how awful this past year has been since I’ve gained 30 pounds from binging. She then went on how to tell me how “sickly and disgusting” I looked at my LW (which was a fucking 18 BMI), and how now I look “normal and healthy” and if I ever got back to my LW again she’d try to admit me. It’s not like my BMI was <15. She thinks anything close to underweight is like a death sentence. She’s so, so ignorant it hurts.
I am an agoraphobic with extreme anxiety and depend on her for absolutely everything, so moving out isn’t an option anytime soon. I feel so trapped, if I got to my GW I’d have to deal with her threatening to admit me, but if I stay where I am now (which according to her, is “healthy and normal”), I’ll just feel like an insecure blob all the time.
Sorry for the rant, I’m just so depressed and feel so misunderstood and alone. I tried opening up to her only to feel shut down and even more miserable than before.
[Other] Just a lil motivation
/u/michellenemangepas
Created: Sun Sep 16 14:05:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gdob2/just_a_lil_motivation/
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https://i.redd.it/915ck8u5qnm11.jpg
[Help] Does anyone know how many calories are in a qdoba taco shell bowl
/u/throwaway__1893
Created: Sun Sep 16 13:58:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gdm2x/does_anyone_know_how_many_calories_are_in_a_qdoba/
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I love those things. But I have no idea how many calories it is. I’m guessing at least 300-400 cuz it’s like a giant chip.
why does it matter so much
/u/Xelaalba [165cm | CW52.4kg | 19.2 | GW 50kg | F]
Created: Sun Sep 16 13:36:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gdfm5/why_does_it_matter_so_much/
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why does it matter that my thighs are __ inches or that I weigh X amount or that my arms are skinny enough to fit between my thumb and middle fingers
why does it matter
why does it upset me so much when my thighs do the THING when i sit down, or that I can't wrap my fingers around them all the way
why should i feel guilty for fuelling my body when it's starving
why should i feel happy that my hair is falling out, or that i'm the skinniest person out of all my colleagues, or that my friend is worried about me
why should i feel like i don't deserve to be here if i weigh 1 kg more
why do i let myself give this shit so much energy, energy I could easily be putting into my actual passions, into making myself a better person, or helping other people
just
why is it so important that I fit into kids' jeans and not that i'm a good person who makes beautiful things, who brightens other people's days
why would i rather die underweight over live a good life at a healthy weight
why am i so masochistic
why do i hate myself this much
why can't i understand myself
it's not worth it
how much time have i spent pinching myself and browsing thinspo, time i could have given to reading my books, or drawing, or talking to a friend, or spending time with people i love
how much time have i given to calorie counting
how many delicious things have i turned down because ..numbers
how much time have i fucking wasted
it's been nearly 7 years now
that's too fucking long to spend hating yourself for no good reason
any amount of time is too long
I haven't even done anything really bad, why should i be punishing myself
If i heard anyone else was hurting themselves or not eating enough as punishment for existing, i'd want them to stop immediately, i'd give them a hug and tell them there's no reason for that.
i'm literally punishing myself for existing 'wrong'
i'm not even 'wrong'
who defined what's right? and who said that can't be me?
... i did.
this is me, formally telling myself to go fuck myself and to get a GRIP before I waste even more of my life. I'm almost 22. People my age have achieved so much. I can't even lose the weight I want to lose so why should I dedicate my life to something so utterly fruitless.
If i didn't have an eating disorder: i would have more experiences, i wouldn't be afraid to eat new things, i would have done better in college, i would be smarter, i would be healthier, and the people i love wouldn't worry about me as much.
I would just enjoy life (more)
I'm not even that far gone, I mean today I ate more or less normally, it was just my mind that fucked me up in the end. I could be okay if i tried, I could get over this shit and actually.....recover. That word is scary. But death is arguably scarier than gaining a few pounds.
[Rant/Rave] Compliments in the wild
/u/Wigforfire [5'2 | 100.3 | 18.89 | 30lbs | Female]
Created: Sun Sep 16 13:30:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gde2b/compliments_in_the_wild/
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Okay, so I really need to rave about this because it happens to me so rarely that... it feels insane.
​
​
So yesterday my boyfriend and I went to the mall because we had nothing to do and we went into a shoe store. I went to go show him something and the girl who was working came up and asked us if we needed help with anything and then kinda stopped and asked if my boyfriend worked at restaurant at some point, to which my boyfriend was like "yeah, we worked together didn't we?" So the girl did the whole *OMG it's been so long you look so different and.... THIS MUST BE YOUR FIANCEE???* And my boyfriend was like 'Yup that's my fiancee' and the girl -- literally guys I felt like I was in a movie-- just looked at me for a while like she didn't know what to say and kinda shook her head and went "wow you're gorgeous" and looked at my boyfriend and congratulated him!! I was like W H A T???? ME? I was wearing no make up, my hair wasn't done, I had just eaten... Then we keep talking to her and she keeps stopping to tell me how good I look in various ways, my eyes, my hair! LIKE WHAT!?
​
​
So then we're walking out of the store after all that and one of the other attendants that works there was wearing these really cool shoes so I complimented her on them and she was like "oh hey, your leggings look great on you and I need to buy some that fit my hips cuz I'm really..." then she motioned to say that she was thin "ya know? and we're about the same size, and those look like they fit really nice." G U Y S, this girl was THIN, like tall and really thin, when I walked in I was like WOW and now she said me and her are the same size! I almost wanted to be like "ARE YOU BLIND!! YOU ARE LIKE THE SMALLEST THING I'VE SEEN ALL DAY" but i just told her where I got them and moved on.
​
​
And it doesn't end there! Today I went out to get my boyfriend and his cousin lunch while they worked on my boyfriend's car and when I frantically burst into Subway to get their sandwiches with frozen groceries melting in my car the woman behind the counter complimented the shirt I was wearing and told me that I was really cute. AGAIN NO MAKE UP!!
​
Guys people must be on some major drugs this weekend, like someone laced the water around here with mdma or some shit because people are complimenting me in the wild and it like... idk is just so surreal that I had to share
alright fam. let’s get real.
/u/rainbowcatvomit
Created: Sun Sep 16 13:29:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gddkx/alright_fam_lets_get_real/
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i realized you basically sum up my life by looking at the one bag of trash in my car. like 5 different flavors of empty propel bottles, a bunch of various quest bar wrappers, empty cigarette boxes, and an empty box of plan b.
well fuck.
i love my disaster of a life.
Haven’t eaten since Friday, looking to break the fast on Tuesday morning.
/u/JayLenoBlows [18 yrs | trans girl | 6’ | CW 139, GW 130?]
Created: Sun Sep 16 13:28:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gdd88/havent_eaten_since_friday_looking_to_break_the/
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Finish out today and then one more. You can do this. You don’t have anything to do tomorrow. Stay strong.
I had three hundred calories on Friday morning and nothing since, a pure water fast. Let’s see how much I weigh on Wednesday morning, I can hardly wait!
My thighs...
/u/bemybaegel
Created: Sun Sep 16 13:24:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gdc5b/my_thighs/
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DON'T TOUCH/RUB WHEN I WALK ANYMORE. WTF. I never want to lose this feeling.
Which dressing room mirrors are actually accurate?!
/u/mks_993
Created: Sun Sep 16 13:19:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gdao8/which_dressing_room_mirrors_are_actually_accurate/
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This annoys me so much. I went shopping earlier and some mirrors made me want to cry, but in others I felt okay.
I can definitely tell when a mirror makes me look skinnier than I actually am, but I just want one that’s completely and 100% *accurate*
One store I can think of that seemed fairly accurate was Nordstrom Rack. Can anyone back me up on this one? Or did you think it wasn’t super accurate?
I just don’t even know what I fucking look like and it drives me CRAZY
I want to tell my boyfriend
/u/dew_berry [5'2" | LW: 102 | CW: 112 | GW: 108 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 16 13:17:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gda8n/i_want_to_tell_my_boyfriend/
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I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 3 years. He knew I used to have anorexia before we dated and he helped me figure myself out a lot during the relationship. I have relapsed really badly and been secretly restricting for a while now and I want to tell him and reach out for help but I’m afraid of revealing that I’ve had a secret for a while and breaking his trust. Does anyone have advice or similar experiences?
[Discussion] i think i had my first woosh? (+ a question!)
/u/planetskinny
Created: Sun Sep 16 13:02:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gd5i7/i_think_i_had_my_first_woosh_a_question/
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(this might be tmi? possibly?)
so yesterday morning i weighed in at 167.4 lbs. this was after i used the bathroom, before i ate anything, and after i took my clothes off. i ate roughly 922 calories that day.
this morning, i weighed in at 164.9 lbs. (the same exact way as yesterday.) that’s a 2.5 lb difference in ONE DAY! i plan on eating under 1001 calories with at least 60g of protein today.
but could i have had a “woosh” due to how i was eating?
here’s how i ate last week:
sunday, sept 9th: 1450
monday, sept 10th: 1480
tuesday, sept 11th: 929
wednesday, sept 12th: 1382
thursday, sept 13th: 894
friday, sept 14th: 1370
saturday, sept 15th: 922
tdlr: i had my first woosh; it was a 2.5 lb loss! but could it have been the way i was eating? i’ve ate on and off with less than 1000 cals to 300-500 more.
I purged last night for the first time in a year.
/u/OhhhDarla
Created: Sun Sep 16 12:49:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gd1n0/i_purged_last_night_for_the_first_time_in_a_year/
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I had everything under control. I had been sticking to my Keto diet and no longer felt the need to binge and purge.... then last night happened. We went to a different restaurant than what I’m used to. I couldn’t find anything safe on the menu and the people I was with convinced me that I could cheat on my diet at least once. Maintaining my diet was the only way I have been controlling myself this past year but i figured “what the hell a little bit of bread won’t kill me” so I ordered a donut burger (yes a burger between to glazed donuts) and it was delicious. The minute I finished it (I finished the whole thing) I felt a wave of anxiety hit me. I tried to convince myself to keep it down but I just couldn’t. I went to the bathroom and purged. For the first time in nearly a year. I was surprised at how easy it was. It came up almost instantly and I was so quiet.... it was oddly cathartic.
I guess purging is like riding a bike... you never really forget how to do it.
[Rant/Rave] Yo help I did a planned binge and now I feel like shit
/u/blmatsuu [5'2 | 96 | 17.6 | -54 | FTM]
Created: Sun Sep 16 12:20:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gct3f/yo_help_i_did_a_planned_binge_and_now_i_feel_like/
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I hit a plateau so I made a bunch of food and honestly it was probably around 600 calories (had a 100 cal kitkat too) which is hardly anything??? But I’ve not eaten over 500 in months so I’m panicking, like what if I end up gaining? I just want to break this plateau and eating a ton is meant to help but I can’t even eat over a couple hundred cals without feeling guilty anymore assfggjklll am I gonna gain?? I’m panicking, I don’t want to purge anything because it always makes me feel shittier but idk man
[Discussion] Question for those who have lost A LOT...
/u/Adrenalize_me
Created: Sun Sep 16 12:13:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gcqym/question_for_those_who_have_lost_a_lot/
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My starting weight was around 225 lbs, until I relapsed last week, and I’ve decided to run with it. This will be the most weight I’ve ever lost, and I’m wondering...
Those of you who started in the 220+ (like 110-ish kg) arena, and have gone down to like, the 140s or less, did you have a ton of excess skin left over when you got that low?
That’s the one thing that terrifies me. I’ve seen people lose a bunch and then they’re thin, but they still hide themselves because they have the loose skin.
[Other] My heart is telling me to eat, my brain has a gun to my head
/u/ISetMyGnomesOnFire
Created: Sun Sep 16 12:09:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gcpq4/my_heart_is_telling_me_to_eat_my_brain_has_a_gun/
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Well its sunday.
My boyfriend is still sleeping and my anxiety wont let me eat before he wakes up.
I want food but i know i shouldnt. Am i going to bother telling him im hungry when he wakes up?
​
but why does this small issue feel like the end of the world?
I didn't buy the cookies.
/u/EDLuke [5'10" | 60kg/132lbs | GW 55kg/120lbs | Male]
Created: Sun Sep 16 11:43:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gchms/i_didnt_buy_the_cookies/
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Hi, I'm new here.
I never go to the supermarket for one reason, the bakery. Almost every time I walk past, I'm drawn to the bakery and I can't resist buying this one box of cookies, all 750 grams and 3000 calories of the hateful little fucks, taking them home and eating them all in one go because I'm a disgusting slob with no self control. Hell, they even introduced self serve checkouts, the shame and judgement from cashiers was the only thing that could stop me from becoming a ravenous ape. I'm elated when they're out of stock, it's nice to have something out of my control for once.
The cookies don't even do me the decency of tasting good, they're disgusting sugary crap and yet I can't resist eating them one after the other, not stopping until they're gone. I eat until I feel like throwing up, and then I press on.
Then comes the aftermath. I eat nothing for days, sustained by coffee, diet pepsi, and shame, only to repeat the process the next week.
Today I didn't buy the cookies. I haven't eaten in a few days and I feel fantastic, I didn't want to ruin that feeling.
[Tip] I have a tip, I guess?
/u/MommyInTheMoshPit
Created: Sun Sep 16 11:41:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gch3y/i_have_a_tip_i_guess/
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Hi I'm the mosh pit mommy, 33/F/USA, BN/BED, BMI 20.5. Long time lurker. I'm on mobile and can't tag anything but here's something that helps me when I'm craving sweets and don't want to make a fat pig of myself. Jolly Rancher Hotties. They're hard to chew so they last a while, they're slightly spicy in a way that's unpleasant after 2-3 but sweet in a way that help my candy cravings, and they're 23cal each. Also they make any food you eat afterwards taste wrong. Just a suggestion for folks who are like me and wanting to eat an entire cake but trying not to eat an entire cake. Hope this helps at least one person.
[Other] I’m slowly accepting that there might be something wrong with me
/u/staticphat [Height: 5'3 | CW: Jabba the Hutt | GW: Bikini Leia]
Created: Sun Sep 16 11:40:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gcgwn/im_slowly_accepting_that_there_might_be_something/
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I was never officially diagnosed with an eating disorder, but I’ve definitely participated in these types of communities like r/ProED and myproana.com for as long as I can remember. Last summer, I went berserk and lost over 20lbs in the span of 3 months. When school started (my senior year of high school), I struggled to maintain my weight, going through a binge/restrict cycle. When school ended, I gained 10 lbs on vacation. I lost five, and am struggling to lose weight before school starts.
This sucks ass. I feel as if this cycle of binge/restrict is taking over my life. I have a lot more anxiety about food now. Some days, I’ll eat at maintenance/high restriction and think I’m fine, but others, I’ll binge or go almost the whole day without eating and realize how sick I am.
I know theres something wrong with me, and I want it to go away but I can’t imagine a life where I don’t care or have as much control as I do now. I love and hate at the same time that I am sick. Might as well just accept that it is part of me.
[Other] yeah i stopped taking birth control lol
/u/sugarpiIl [5’5 • 197.4 • F]
Created: Sun Sep 16 11:32:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gcenr/yeah_i_stopped_taking_birth_control_lol/
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the cravings were hitting too hard and im not having sex anytime soon. wasnt worth it lol
[Discussion] Anyone else boycotting pictures til their LW?
/u/ketokitty13
Created: Sun Sep 16 11:17:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gcadh/anyone_else_boycotting_pictures_til_their_lw/
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I’ve subconsciously noticed that I’ve been avoiding picture like the PLAGUE since I’ve reached my highest weight a few months ago. I’ve dropped some weight since, but I have zero desire to take spontaneous photos with friends/selfies/pictures during proud moments (school or work events). When I was maintaining my LW a few years ago, I was a photo whore. I literally haven’t posted a thing on Instagram in almost 5 months, and I’ve hardly noticed!
That being recognized, I’m excited to be on the path to feeling comfortable with myself in photos. Hopefully at my GW I’ll be there mentally.
[Other] Two days was good enough
/u/moonchldx [5'1'' | 114.4 | 21.7 | -11lbs | F | ]
Created: Sun Sep 16 11:13:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gc939/two_days_was_good_enough/
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Past two days I’ve let myself eat “normally” I guess you could say. I ate no more than a normal person but still felt like bingeing but I didn’t punish myself. I had craving on my period so I allowed myself to have them.
Today is a new day & I’m feeling a lot better, no cravings so I’ll be back to my 300-500 calories.
Hope everyone’s day starts off well & ends amazingly!
xx
Is this period weight gain or...?
/u/Tatytat24
Created: Sun Sep 16 11:11:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gc8hv/is_this_period_weight_gain_or/
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I feel like I'm going crazy. I was 124.3 lbs a week and a half ago. Had a bad binge, took laxatives, etc.. I didn't weigh myself for that whole week to let myself recover and not go crazy. Well I weighed myself and I've gone up to 128.5 lbs.. I'm supposed to start my period today so I'm hoping it's just period weight gain? Ugh someone help a girl out.
What’s your goal look? Share examples
/u/dew_berry [5'2" | LW: 102 | CW: 112 | GW: 108 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 16 11:01:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gc58e/whats_your_goal_look_share_examples/
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I really like and want that look of a thin body with a sweet face.
I think my goal weight is a bit more in the direction of “thick” than super thin. I want to have a small waist with hips but no ribs showing and I don’t mind my legs and arms being a bit thicker and not twiggy.
What kind of look are you going for?
Do you guys have any favorite accounts/people you think capture your goals? I have a couple. I know a lot of how these girls look is because they have a beautiful face but I just think they are all perfect especially body wise:
Leighton Meester
https://goo.gl/images/epMwwz
Emily Browning https://goo.gl/images/dihxL8
Mathilda Mai
https://www.instagram.com/mathilda.mai/?hl=en
Noël Wells
https://goo.gl/images/7CnSmW
I hate going out in public.
/u/lotsoffuchs
Created: Sun Sep 16 10:52:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gc2v2/i_hate_going_out_in_public/
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I went to an amusement park yesterday and all I see are the tall thin people I want to be like. I feel like I don't even deserve to be outdoors because of the way I look. I can feel everyone looking at me in a mixture of disgust and sympathy, thinking "look at that poor little fat girl wearing jeans and a long sleeve in the middle of summer."
Sigh, even after walking around all day I feel disgusting and bloated today. I HAVE CANKLES. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE AFTER BEING ON MY FEET ALL DAY?
I digress. Body dismorphia is a bitch.
[Rant/Rave] Hit cgw and Binged like absolute crazy
/u/thinraindrop [5.3/162cm | 51kg | 19.4| -24kg | F]
Created: Sun Sep 16 10:40:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gbz7e/hit_cgw_and_binged_like_absolute_crazy/
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Why am I like this
Why am I such a failure
My stomach hurts like fucking crazy. I ate so much today and I can't believe myself. This week I've been so fucking organized. Deep cleaned my entire house, on top of my skincare routine and was in total control of my diet. Now everything went to shit and I could really use some help on how to get back in my flow. I feel like shit I want to die.
Guess I won't be updating my flair anytime soon lol
Okay k bye I love you all though and I love my dog so those are positives to end it on
Dog related talk is also welcomed.
Idk Im drunk now I'll go home
the social dominance that comes with being thin
/u/2fckk
Created: Sun Sep 16 10:35:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gbxtr/the_social_dominance_that_comes_with_being_thin/
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it's like......I can't shake the statistically proven evidence that thin females are seen as socially superior to average/overweight females. Because I have extreme self-esteem issues. I see myself as annoying, dumb, too shy, clumsy, weird, off-putting, uncomfortable to be around, awkward, ugly, odd, etc etc etc. The ONLY positive thing I think I have going for me in the context of the work environment and general social engagements is....thin. If I put on weight during recovery, I'd have......nothing. I've been 150, 135, 125, 120, and 115. I can't unsee how differently I'm treated at 150 v 115. I seemed to get more opportunities, more forgiveness for flaws, more attention, etc. My oddness turned to "mysterious and quirky" v "uncomfortable and awkward." Idk, the social dominance that comes with being thin is a safeguard against all my self-esteem issues. I hate myself for feeding this contingency because it's NOT what I ultimately believe in. It doesn't align with my values. But it's one super convincing reason not to recover. It's hard.
Does anyone knit/crochet/bead? I realized that always having something to do with my hands prevents me from wanting to eat.
/u/KittyMClaire
Created: Sun Sep 16 10:19:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gbsym/does_anyone_knitcrochetbead_i_realized_that/
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So far I've picked apart a plastic utensil set over the course of 5 hours with my hands, put glue on them at least 10 times in the past week, painted my nails to just pick it off later, and a bunch of other things like that. This list sounds ridiculous lol
Any success with knitting/crochet/bead/etc to avoid binging? I think maybe I should try and experiment with that sort of thing so I can actually feel accomplished with a skill and not overeat at the same time.
Questions for Starbucks employees
/u/Mample [5'7 | CW: whale with a waist | GW: 115 | 24F]
Created: Sun Sep 16 10:18:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gbski/questions_for_starbucks_employees/
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Hey guys, long time lurker etc etc straight up I am a coffee fiend. I will save every single one of my calories for a glorious sugar free milk alternative cup of the good stuff. I live and die by the bean! I have the Starbucks nutritional info bookmarked and go by the calorie info on the page and was just wondering a couple things (I’m in the UK if that makes a difference?)
-Is the calorie info accurate? Like do you guys abide by the recipes strictly to the oz or ml, or if it’s busy or the person is particularly nice do you add an extra bit of milk or an extra pump or something to the coffee?
-How often do you make mistakes? Are you honest about the mistakes? I’ve started boycotting my local Costa Coffee as they’ve made me milk lattes twice instead of oat and had to come back in the store after sucking down half of it and nearly being sick
-I know that in the US you’re quite free to customise your drink however you want, is this the same in the UK? I feel like we’re more uptight about the rules and I’d love to order ‘2 pumps of this, one of this hold the..’ but I’m really shy and don’t want confrontation with people especially in public!
-if you added an extra shot of coffee to a drink, would you put less milk in or would it be the same amount of milk with the additional shot?
Sorry if this post comes off as neurotic.. coffee is my safe space food wise and just want to see if I should be rounding up more so than I do or if the info is accurate.
Thanks in advance!
[Help] Please tell me I'm crazy for thinking this
/u/bitpattern
Created: Sun Sep 16 10:11:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gbqet/please_tell_me_im_crazy_for_thinking_this/
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So, I've started university and my ED is back (sarcastic yay), & my perfectionism is really kicking in. I did my first 2 tests and I got an A- on both. I'm literally in tears because that grade doesn't feel "good enough", which is crazy right? It's all I can think about, I know objectively a good grade, but my brain cant seem to realise that.
Just had my first monster
/u/coffeeandcamels [5"4.5 | 17.2 | CW: 102 | UGW: 90]
Created: Sun Sep 16 10:09:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gbpnz/just_had_my_first_monster/
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...and I'm ready to start spending even more money on ED related food/drinks because it was AMAZING and I've been missing out y'all
[Help] Bronkaid dosing help!
/u/depression_butterfly
Created: Sun Sep 16 10:08:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gbplb/bronkaid_dosing_help/
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Hey y'all so I want to preface this by saying that I've read over and over its best to not take bronkaid with a meal because its not as effective and it seems counterintuitive.
​
However, my issue is I get so disgustingly naseuos when I take it on an empty stomach and I just generally start feeling ill. At that point its like the empty stomach feeling gets exentuated even more. Then even just eating something small like a banana helps me feel better.
​
Questions:
How do you guys recommend dosing to avoid the naseous/sick feeling?
Should I be eating a small meal every time I redose?
And: How do you personally dose/use the EC stack
Half enabling, half supportive mother
/u/LizE4 [5'3.5 | CW: 103.4 | BMI 18 | GW: 90 | 🍑 butterscotchpanda]
Created: Sun Sep 16 10:02:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gbni2/half_enabling_half_supportive_mother/
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It's weird. She knows I have food and weight issues and will tell me that I'm not fat and that I shouldn't worry, yet she gets halo top for me and lets me hoard food in my room. <3
I'm not even forced to eat anymore, which is weird, because she used to force me to eat before I developed an ED, even things I was allergic to that made me sick.
I'm really confused about what's going on in her head lately, but I definitely appreciate the halo top and the lack of pressure on me despite her being aware of my issues. Normally she likes to yell at me for all of my problems so this is new.
Anyone have the slightest clue what might be going through her head though? Might be worth mentioning she's very underweight herself.
[Discussion] DAE use stalls in weight loss to convince yourself you don’t really have a problem?
/u/e_liz [5'7 | 126 | 19.7 | -109 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 16 09:46:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gbizr/dae_use_stalls_in_weight_loss_to_convince/
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If my weight loss stalls or I plateau for over a week, I’ve found myself justifying it to myself by saying things like “well that’s because you don’t really have a problem with eating” or “great, no more weight loss means you must be getting into a healthier mindset around food”. Now the crazy part about all of this is, my eating and behaviors don’t change. At all. So I know in the back of my mind my weight trend will at some point continue downward. Because I’m not fixing anything. But I still try to use these plateaus as almost “proof” to myself that I’m completely fine. DAE use things like this to justify disordered behaviors?
[Discussion] Perfectionist?
/u/breebunny88
Created: Sun Sep 16 09:38:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gbgsq/perfectionist/
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DAE feel this overwhelming since of having to be perfect/have everything around you be perfect before you let yourself eat? Most days I find myself perfecting my make up/hair than off to work,gym extra... when I come home I have to clean the house make it look absolutely spotless, (aka doing all the laundry, clean the kitchen, vaccum, mop ) make my husband the perfect breakfast, the perfect lunch, the perfect dinner before I even begin thinking about what I am going to eat/ put in my body. I don’t know if I just refuse to sit still because what calories am I burning by not moving or if it’s a combination of I’ve completed my goals for the day you are now allowed to have food/you accomplished what you set out to do reward yourself. OKAY I sound nuts! Someone commiserate with me lol please so I don’t sound like a total looney tune! K thankssssss babes
Xxx
Is this only me?
/u/EDm-
Created: Sun Sep 16 09:37:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gbgji/is_this_only_me/
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So I usually eat under 300 calories and I fasted for a day and then ate 300 again. And obviously I was feeling dizzy. But where fat is on my body was all tingly and weird. But my hand suddenly started to seize up and I could still move it but with great difficulty and it was really slow. It wasn’t painful or anything just a little scary.
Is this only me?
/u/EDm-
Created: Sun Sep 16 09:36:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gbga9/is_this_only_me/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AnorexiaNervosa/comments/9gbftx/is_this_only_me/
New to this sub, unsure if this is ED behavior?
/u/siempremequejo
Created: Sun Sep 16 09:06:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gb816/new_to_this_sub_unsure_if_this_is_ed_behavior/
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So I went from 240-148lbs last year. Still trying to get to my goal weight. I do this thing where I eat 400-800cals a day or just go ham and eat like 2000+ on a bad day. I don’t purge (I wish I could I’ve tried). I just can’t stop once I start eating so I try to wait till the end of the day to eat or I distract myself so I don’t think about food. No one in my family or friend group seems to be worried so I don’t know if I’m just being over dramatic lol
Captain Naive.
/u/_Spicy_Lemon_ [5'6 | CW 130.8 | GW 120 | UGW 100| F]
Created: Sun Sep 16 08:55:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gb57x/captain_naive/
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Well I caved and texted the guy to wish him a happy birthday. (who I thought ghosted me) We pretty much texted non stop till this morning when he drops a huge bombshell on me this morning... Says texting is fun but it's unethical that we continue to text.... Guess he never broke up with his "ex" girlfriend or whatever or they got back together or he just..fuck vague texting.. after all & I just hate myself. Maybe if I thinner & more disciplined & less awful of a person..this wouldn't have happened...
[Rant/Rave] My scale completely glitched out today
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2 | 148 | Aiming for 146 by 10/1 | -12| f21]
Created: Sun Sep 16 08:47:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gb344/my_scale_completely_glitched_out_today/
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Woke up and even argued with myself if I needed to weigh...Well I think the scale was trying to tell me something.
But I first weighed the same as yesterday, 147.9, So I zeroed it out since that had to be wrong, Then it was 146 wtf, zero out again, 145? Okay now it's really wrong let's try again...148......Thanks I have no idea what I weigh now. It's in the same spot it always is, It's on hardwood floor and level. The batteries are new, So I have no idea why today it wants to bother me. Ugh I guess I'm not weighing for awhile
[Discussion] Counting down the days to autumn
/u/thassaspicy [5'4 | CW 118.8 | GW 110| -31.2 | 25F]
Created: Sun Sep 16 08:47:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gb31y/counting_down_the_days_to_autumn/
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I don’t know about y’all but I find it so difficult to restrict in hot weather!! I’ve gained like 5 lbs and been basically unintentionally maintaining that since JUNE 😵. Here in the Northeast US it feels like the last gasps of summer this weekend and I’m desperate for the cold weather. There is something about the heat and having to wear dresses, shorts, and tank tops that triggers my binges. It’s fucked.
I always lose so much weight in winter since no one gets suspicious that I sleep instead of eat, live off miso soup and coffee, and wrap myself in XL hoodies. I need to go into hibernation mode.
[Intro] Relaspe #....75? 156? 260?
/u/ItsAMe-username
Created: Sun Sep 16 08:28:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gay1c/relaspe_75_156_260/
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As is a constant in life, when shit gets too heavy I revert back to old ways
I never was really recovered, I can try and lie to myself... But recently my husband called me out on my purging so, classic move, stop purging and restrict.
It's weird to relaspe at an overweight bmi because for five days, the flip has switched, and I've lost 5 pounds, but I'm still fat and no one is worried.
But every night my thought pattern is:
I'll eat what I deserve which is nothing. I'm fat, ugly, awful, terrible, I want to die. If I was skinnier, he'd be happier. I am not enough.
Rinse, repeat, those same lines as a mantra thirty minutes before bed.
Wake up, wonder how the day will be.
Oh, everything is still fucked up so I won't eat today.
Eventually rubbing my hips will bring me comfort instead of anxiety.
[Rant/Rave] My height was wrong this whole time??
/u/WaffleWolf14 [5’7” | CW: 113.8 | BMI: 17.7 | F | GW:100 |]
Created: Sun Sep 16 08:17:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gavhj/my_height_was_wrong_this_whole_time/
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Fuck. Fuuuck.
I went to the doctor to get a physical and she said I was 5’6”. Fuck.
I’ve been told by doctors that I’m 5’7”, or they would round up to 5’7”. She said I was BARELY 5’6”.
Could she be wrong?? Could a doctor be wrong about my height? I’m way too young to be shrinking, so it doesn’t make any sense.
Also I put on some weight for the scales at the doctor and my mom said “Oh goodie, you’re back up to 119!” (I can’t change my flair because I’m on mobile, kinda don’t want to tbh lol)
The whole thing was triggering AF and now I realize that even at my lowest weight, 105, I was only 16.9 BMI and not 16.3 like I thought.
My doctor also offered to put me on anxiety meds, but I said no because I was scared I wouldn’t be as anxious about eating. My mom AGREED that it was a bad idea, and now I want to lose a bunch of weight to show her.
[Goal] 6'1 and finally 179! Start treatment tomorrow!
/u/NeutralSmithHotel [6'1.4 | CW: 179 | BMI: 23.4 | Weight Lost: -191| M]
Created: Sun Sep 16 08:16:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gav0l/61_and_finally_179_start_treatment_tomorrow/
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I start treatment for my ED tomorrow and got to 179 and 6'1. I literally cannot remember a time I as below 180... not even back when I was like 9.
I'm pretty muscular and by no means thin, but I can feel my ED getting out of control... I keep pushing my goals lower. I'm hoping that treatment helps and I don't get fat. But today I'm feeling great and also that I want to push lower...
[Goal] My feelings
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Sun Sep 16 08:14:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gaujy/my_feelings/
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I throw away food that triggers me to eat. I secretly threw away food offered to me. I throw away food when my mind is thinking of eating it. I throw away everything and no one notices.. i hate myself for doing this, but i throw foods away simply to prevent myself from eating, from gaining weight. i feel like i have no sense of self control. whenever i dont hit my targetted calories of the day, i hate myself. i feel like a failure. i feel like i cant accomplish anything. i just want a sense of control of my diet, being able to resist whatever foods offer to me, and being able to be determine enough to choose foods that will hit my goal. i just want this anxiety of failing to meet my goals to just go away ...
I gained 10 pounds in ONE WEEK?!?!
/u/FeatherMahogany59
Created: Sun Sep 16 08:14:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gaueg/i_gained_10_pounds_in_one_week/
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I haven’t weighed myself all week and finally did and I’m up 10 pounds!!!! I’ve been hungry all week!!!!!!!! How is this even remotely possible!
[Rant/Rave] I got high and purged
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | CW: 114 | GW:105 | UGW 100 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 16 08:10:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gat8o/i_got_high_and_purged/
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I was high off my ass and ate like 6 girls court cookies, panicked and attempted to purge. Very little cane up and that’s ok because I’m down 0.2 pounds.
Fat breaking up in tummy?
/u/Munchiedenied [5'3.5" | CW: 121 | BMI: 21.60 |GW: 105 | F/24]
Created: Sun Sep 16 08:02:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gaquj/fat_breaking_up_in_tummy/
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So I'm not sure if I'm imagining it, but since I've started losing more I have noticed more weird bubbles on my abdominal area? Are these fat bubbles and are they going away? I hope so.
I want my tummy to be flat... it is getting flatter but now I can see these weird nodules of what looks like fat sticking out of almost smooth areas. It almost looks worse than having slight soft fat all over the tummy. Grosses me out... ugh. Do any of you lovely people have any experience with this? I need some reassurance...
[Tip] How do you fast without being hungry?
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Sun Sep 16 08:00:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gaqej/how_do_you_fast_without_being_hungry/
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Am thinking of fasting, but feels like i am not able to do a 24hour fast without feeling hungry and thinking about food. What tips do you guys have? thanks:)
Self introduction after all this time [intro]
/u/ArkhamBrothers
Created: Sun Sep 16 07:26:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gaj0p/self_introduction_after_all_this_time_intro/
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Hello lovelies,
I’ve been lurking in Reddit 3-4 years along with this sub reading every single post (let the rain of upvotes for you all begin!)
This is such a supportive and sweet community and I hope to be welcomed. So here’s some useless stuff about me:
I’ve struggled with Ana and Mia from when I was 13. My days now consist of binging my body weight in crackers & cheese, crying, purging, starving the next day, maintaining the next, then repeat step one!
I have 0 self restraint around snacks so I don’t buy any. I’m doing my best and trying to stay positive. I can’t flair because I’m on mobile. Also, excuse the format. (P.s., can anyone tell me how I can add my stats by my username like you all have?)
My name is ArkhamBrothers. I love comics, anime/manga, cosplaying, rock/Metal/punk pop music, and obsessively playing animal crossing: pocket camp (add me!) nice to meet you all :)
[Rant/Rave] The whoosh is so fricking real
/u/nekkedpebbl [5'2.25🌻105.2lbs🌻-10.8]
Created: Sun Sep 16 07:18:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gah2z/the_whoosh_is_so_fricking_real/
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I think if I had to see 106.2 (TO THE DECIMAL) on the scale for one more day I was flip. After a long week of restricting and one mini binge that was justified as “resetting my metabolism” I finally whooshed from 106.2 to 103.8 and I’m ecstatic. Now just to not fuck everything up by binging :)
[Rant/Rave] My dad just told me I "need to gain a few pounds"
/u/ImpishImp
Created: Sun Sep 16 06:57:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gacmt/my_dad_just_told_me_i_need_to_gain_a_few_pounds/
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and I mistakenly thought he said I needed to LOSE a few pounds and horrifyingly lifted my shirt to show him my concave stomach in my defense. I made his worry so much worse 😟
I binged two days ago and just weighed myself and I am up 2kg
/u/dostoyefski [5'5" | CW:128 | GW:110 ]
Created: Sun Sep 16 06:56:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9gace0/i_binged_two_days_ago_and_just_weighed_myself_and/
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HOW!!!!!!!!!
Is this just water retention? I am freaking out :)
[Rant/Rave] Oh yayyyyyy
/u/asiaticlily [5’10 | 134.8 | 19 | -47 lbs | F22]
Created: Sun Sep 16 06:38:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ga8k5/oh_yayyyyyy/
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Well, it seems like my eating disorder along with horrible alcoholism might actually have some long term consequences. I’m trying to hope that dying isn’t in the cards for me... but it sure does feel like it is. My body is in total shutdown mode and and I’m just praying to god that I can taper successfully without going to a hospital. Mods can delete this shitpost if need be. I just figured I should document it somewhere.
[Other] my friends just unknowingly fed my ed
/u/manfromanother-place [5’1.75 | CW:102.5 | GW: 98 | 19.62]
Created: Sun Sep 16 06:32:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ga7eg/my_friends_just_unknowingly_fed_my_ed/
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and i’m not even mad! one of them wrapped his fingers around my wrist and was like “omg your wrist is so tiny” and the other one said “all of her is so tiny”!! nice!!
>:)
[Rant/Rave] Ran a 10km race this morning despite my ED !!!
/u/Catii24 [5'4" | CW: 133 | GW: 108 | Female]
Created: Sun Sep 16 06:30:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ga6zv/ran_a_10km_race_this_morning_despite_my_ed/
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Ok so it took me a REALLY long time and I was pretty certain I was going to drop dead around the 8km point but I FINISHED!!!
I used to run all the time but since my ED got worse I haven’t been able to. I’d already bought my ticket for this big race event months ago and didn’t want to waste it.
Idk it’s been really hard lately and I guess I’m just happy that my eating disorder didn’t stop me from doing something I wanted to
[Other] I got my dream job
/u/Yoni1660
Created: Sun Sep 16 06:12:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ga3kt/i_got_my_dream_job/
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Well not my ultimate dream job, but short term. I’ve been working at this grocery store for about a year now. I started out as cashier and then moved to the bakery. I hate the temptation of being in the bakery along with many other things. The guy who does the samples on weekends quit and I asked the store manager for the job and got it! Now I can watch people eat all day and live vicariously through them! Yay!
Did I overreact?
/u/stupidusernamelogin
Created: Sun Sep 16 06:12:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ga3jv/did_i_overreact/
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So I had eating disorders my whole life, a mix of anorexia, bulimia, binge eating, OCD exercising, taking laxatives excessively. And my (ex)boyfriend knows that I have an eating disorder, at least of some type. So basically we were talking about BMIs and girls' weights and I showed him a picture of this underweight model, and I said "I think guys do like the underweight look" and he replied "I like it yeah I am not going to lie".
​
I just felt so overwhelmed with emotion and just so heartbroken because I go through so much pain and I think I did damage my health to some extent just to get skinnier , I can't explain it, I just felt so hurt like I could never be what was most attractive, and plus he knows I have an eating disorder and that this is a big deal for me because I been bullied my whole life over my weight and I get so obsessive over food and weight and I just broke up with him. Am I being a bitch and overreacting? I am so scared that I am being the terrible one and just overreacting. I just want to know. I just couldn't stop crying, it hurt so bad. I don't know to explain how heart broken I felt. Maybe I am just a stupid bitch and I just overreact and maybe I may be forever alone because maybe my expectations of people are too high.
[Sticky] Sunday: Share your favorite recipes!
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Sep 16 06:11:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ga39t/sunday_share_your_favorite_recipes/
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Looking for memes? [Right this way~](/r/ProEDmemes)!
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! September 16, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Sep 16 06:11:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ga36o/daily_food_diary_september_16_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for September 16, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Discussion] Hunger pangs, go away
/u/grapedates
Created: Sun Sep 16 06:06:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ga25f/hunger_pangs_go_away/
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I feel sick, I’m going to eat today.
I fasted for ~42 hours but ended it with a binge (~800cals) and a purge last night. I was happy I purged but I woke up and now my stomach is REALLY hungry. And I don’t normally feel the effects of hunger all that much. But today it’s to the point that I feel nauseous with hunger.
What are your fave low cal foods / methods to get the hunger pangs to leave?
[Rant/Rave] Im doing it
/u/UsualLetter [5’0 | ?? | ?? | 40LBS | F]
Created: Sun Sep 16 06:05:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ga21q/im_doing_it/
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So, my boyfriend hung out with another girl last night. and they were drinking. awesome. that totally doesn’t make me feel inadequate or insecure.
on the bright side its pushed me into fasting for a week.
why am i not enough?
I'm handling this so much better
/u/iron_blanket
Created: Sun Sep 16 06:03:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ga1lo/im_handling_this_so_much_better/
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I am pms'ing so hard right now and my body is screaming out for a binge. Usually this time of the month I completely give in and would eat non stop, but this time around I have maintained control. I have been eating low fat cottage cheese and rice cakes with siracha to combat my carb and fat cravings and I have these mini frozen yogurt fruit pops for my sweet tooth.
Even though I managed to go out with a friend for lunch yesterday, I stuck to my goals.
Just had to share
[Rant/Rave] Just feeling anxious and upset, need to get this off my chest
/u/lilllyyy [5'7"|122.2|19.1|F]
Created: Sun Sep 16 05:55:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g9zym/just_feeling_anxious_and_upset_need_to_get_this/
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So I had a great week of restriction up until last night. I currently live with my parents and they decided to order pizza, normally I make my own dinner, but I haven't had pizza for months and have been hardcore craving it so I thought why not I'll just eat pizza with them. Already felt super embarrassed and ashamed about that, but okay.
Well, that turned into an evening of snacking on other things as well, basically to the point where I went to bed feeling incredibly full, uncomfortable, bloated, etc. Just generally awful. I couldn't sleep until about 3AM because of how horrible I felt. I sipped on tea and chugged Peptobismal until I could finally calm down and get some rest..
Now I just woke up and am in tears thinking about last night. I know I didn't get much sleep so that can definitely make everything seem 10x worse, but I need to let this out because my parents don't know about my ED and I don't want them to ask why I'm so upset.
I know one day won't ruin everything. I'm just terrified. I *hated* that full feeling and giving in to my cravings. I've never binged and I am scared that having nights like last night where I just kind of "let go" of the reins of restriction that I'll start at some point?? Idk I've had times where I'll eat like 500-800 calories (maybe 1000 max??) over my daily limit, but I've never felt like I couldn't control myself even in those situations. I just accept that I'm eating at/slightly over my tdee that day. I don't know. I'm just really scared and anxious. I just need to stick to restricting and remember how horrible this feels.
​
bless you if you actually read all this lol I'll probably delete it in a bit, just needed a space to let it out so I can pull myself together before my parents wake up..
I "fucked up" and will actually do it now
/u/AspergersAndCoffee [5'2F | Last recorded weight 93 | SW 100 | Starting therapy soon]
Created: Sun Sep 16 05:38:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g9wzc/i_fucked_up_and_will_actually_do_it_now/
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Today is my grandma's nameday (a tradition in Poland) and we're feasting.
I planned to eat one healthified brownie and a handful of Greek salad.
But my mom forced me to eat because I almost passed out.
I told everyone I allow myself everything today... My family was so proud.
So yeah, I had cake.
Fudge. Apple pie. Cheese. Butter. Lots of salad. We'll have sweet soup that is basically fruit and heavy cream with noodles. And ice cream.
Just like everyone.
It's a huge feast, after all.
So now, my ED tells me I fucked up.
I know I haven't.
I should allow myself some indulgence.
But no, it took over me and maybe today I eat but I'll start a five day fast.
Maybe I'll pass out in school.
Who cares.
I deserve it after today.
What was your ED like before smartphones?
/u/BasketCaseSensitive
Created: Sun Sep 16 05:21:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g9u4t/what_was_your_ed_like_before_smartphones/
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I see a lot of MFP/LoseIt talk around here. As well as some other apps, like GrubHub for the bingers, but I just wanted to reflect on some of the ways I remember my eating issues manifesting before the ubiquity of smartphones.
[Other] Various Reactions
/u/_Pulltab_ [5' 7| CW 165.4 | BMI 25.9 | -30.6 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 16 05:14:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g9t3e/various_reactions/
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1) I saw my therapist last week. I disclosed to her that I’ve had a lot of disrupting thoughts around controlling food. I had also mentioned my weight loss and the fact that I’ve had to buy new clothes (this was not all part of the same train of thought but over the course of the hour.) Re: the food thing she just said, well, sure you’re trying to control food, you are losing a lot of control in your life right now (ie NBD 🤷🏼♀️) . Re: the clothes/weight-loss - Really? You’ve had to buy new clothes? :/ I’ve lost 37 pounds in the last 4 months and she only sees me every 2-3 weeks.
2) My MIL came over yesterday and immediately commented on my weight (in alarm). But she just saw me 2 weeks ago and I’ve maybe lost 3 pounds since then. She wouldn’t leave it alone. So then my husband says maybe I should back off the weight thing now (because his mom said something). He’s never once commented until now. But to be fair, he never commented when I was 55 heavier last year, either. I basically just chuckled and said “no risk of me starving to death, I’m still officially overweight” and changed the subject.
How can I be simultaneously annoyed when people don’t noticed as well as when they do?
And also, I can’t weigh this morning because we are out of town and I am about to come out of my skin because I don’t know what I weigh today.
[Discussion] What’s a really obscure/random body part you irrationally fixate on?
/u/4gotmyfuckinpassword [172cm | CW: 68kg | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 16 04:54:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g9psd/whats_a_really_obscurerandom_body_part_you/
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Like something no one else gives a flying fuck about and doesn’t pay attention to like ever, except for you it’s like the Worst Thing Ever.
For me it’s my giant man hands+chubby fingers, my hips being LONG (it’s weird.), and my ribs being super round
What about y’all?
[Help] How do you measure bulk prepared food?
/u/4gotmyfuckinpassword [172cm | CW: 68kg | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 16 04:39:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g9nlz/how_do_you_measure_bulk_prepared_food/
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So my situation is this - unless I’m eating like packaged food (i.e. tuna/yogurt/etc) I’m eating food that’s been bulk prepared for a lot of people.
How do I measure this?? Like it’s usually oily and idk how it’s cooked. I usually add a tbs of oil into the calories with whatever amount of food I take because it’s oily but like still. I hate eating this shit but it’s all I have.
How would y’all go about measuring this? Pls help a gal out 🙏🏻🙏🏻
[Rant/Rave] When UberEATS ruins ur binge RANT
/u/edthrowaway12121
Created: Sun Sep 16 03:22:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g9bmo/when_ubereats_ruins_ur_binge_rant/
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Late night worker here. felt pretty good about my body today so of course I decided that I deserve to binge. Decided to order a shit ton of calories from UberEATS and specified all of the information about my apartment in the info.
I was super excited and hyped up. Then .. the driver called. Started yelling at me about not being able to find my apartment. Basically made me guide him through my complex on the phone ~ slowly ~ for about 10 minutes before telling me in broken English
“I think you should stop getting UberEATS because this is so complicated to find your apartment. I would never do this again”
... my food is cold and disgusting. I left an entire note for him guiding him through to my door and yet he still called me and annoyed the crap out of me. Sigh at least I’m consuming less calories bc my food is gross now.
Anyone ever have a bad experience with uber eats or another delivery service in any way? Besides the fact that they exist in the first place since they make it so easy to binge :’)
I think I just saw reality in the mirror. Freaking out.
/u/ichbindertod
Created: Sun Sep 16 03:07:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g996b/i_think_i_just_saw_reality_in_the_mirror_freaking/
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I'm pretty sure I have body dysmorphia even though it's hard to disbelieve what I see and feel about my body every day. People have indicated that I'm small, my clothes labels would agree with them, although I'm not tiny like I want to be. My version of myself ranges from soft and slightly overweight to obese, depending on how I feel, except on the occasional 'good day'.
On a good day, when I'm sure what I'm seeing is the **real** me, the me that my boyfriend says doesn't have any weight to lose, the me that gets concerned looks from my mother, the me that people call slim or thin or skinny, I am seeing an athletic body with full muscles that make my thighs and arms round and solid (if shapely), and my waistline thicker than I'd like. On those days, I think, yeah, that is probably me. I work out. I lift. I prioritise protein. Sure I look like roughly a UK 12, but there's muscle there along with all the jiggly bits. That must be me. OK. OK.
Then I woke up this morning, and I got out my gym clothes, and I went to get changed in front of the mirror because I love to torture myself, and holy shit, you guys. I think I just saw the real me.
My body is *small*. Not biggish. Not medium. Not muscular in the way I thought. I looked in the mirror today and I saw the kind of body I look for in thinspo, and cry over because that can never be me. I stood there looking at myself from all angles, I thought about taking a picture to see if I'd see it there, too. I rolled my shoulders back and forth so I could look at my collarbone and shoulderblades, I looked at my hips and ribs, I couldn't stop staring at my arms and thighs, which are SO different from the picture I had in my head. I look like death. My face looks gaunt and tired. The dark circles I've had under my eyes for weeks, seemingly without remedy or explanation, suddenly seem to make sense to me. I look ill. I *am* ill. I look so tired. I don't look like someone who wouldn't be believed if I said I had an eating disorder (as I've always told myself).
I have no idea if this sudden vision of 'truth' (?) is due to a sudden significant weight loss, or if this is more or less how I've looked for a very long time. I've been restricting more than usual lately, at least I think I have, I don't know any more. Checking my spreadsheets I can see I've been eating about 100cal less than I usually do on my 'high calorie days' for a few months, but all that really means in practice is eating 700cal instead of 800cal for 4 days a week, while maintaining my 1 0cal day and my 2 400cal days. And I don't think that could suddenly have taken me from a muscular but slightly flabby body to the body I just saw.
I have no idea if I'll see it later. I have no idea if I'll see it ever again. I'm absolutely sure that later on, at some point, my brain will try to convince me that this was some kind of reverse body dysmorphia, and the underweight version of myself I saw was the real illusion.
I'm sorry for ranting.
TL:DR, dysmorphia's had me thinking I'm huge for years, this morning I randomly saw the truth of an underweight, sick and tired looking girl. Freaking out ensues.
Like an addict... (Ana triggering)
/u/dew_berry [5'2" | LW: 102 | CW: 112 | GW: 108 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 16 02:15:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g91gl/like_an_addict_ana_triggering/
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I feel my trust broken on getting better.
Are we people who have the same thoughts as all the others but we can’t help but respond with action to the insecurities? Like, I feel like every woman cares about how she looks and if she is beautiful but many don’t develop eating disorders.
I tasted that confidence (that relief) for a bit. For a few months I was so good. I totally thought I recovered. I ate without thinking, and I didn’t binge every meal. I didn’t ask myself if I was fat often and when I did ask I told myself I was beautiful and healthy and didn’t need to lose weight, but I’m back again like an addict and I feel trapped. The fact that I “recovered” once and fell back in makes me not trust the feelings of getting over an eating disorder anymore.
And like an addict I am being sneaky, lying, and keeping secrets from those around me. Guilt and shame are probably the real emotions that drive us to our eating disorders but eating disorders only grow those feelings more. Starving yourself never achieves happiness or self love, but in some moments I’ll feel that way, like how for the duration of their high an addict feels like drugs make them happy. In reality addicts or people with eating disorders... we all know that our methods don’t do that.
Excuse the musings and pretentious sounding paragraphs. It’s super late and I feel in the sand about things.
Some 3AM thoughts about shit because hello insomnia my old friend.
/u/Bisexuwhale21
Created: Sun Sep 16 02:10:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g90mm/some_3am_thoughts_about_shit_because_hello/
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I forgot my sleeping medicine 😧 and the laxatives I took yesterday hit me again like 30 minutes ago so yay.
BUT I've been thinking. Specifically about the difference between now and then I was (very specifically) 45.4 lbs lighter. At that point I was underweight.
Something really bad is how I react to situations now.
I never want to do anything. I never want to be photographed. I never take selfies. I never wear nice clothes. I never try. I was looking through old facebook posts my mom did of me and I was so small. I looked happier. I was centerfold in photos, and I didn't hate being phorographed. I miss that feeling. I want to want to go out and do things.
Now her pictures of me are just my head in the background as I use everyone else to block my body. And when you do see my body I'm wearing huge clothes which are 100× too big...
I hate that this is my reality. Why is my weight so tied in with my ability to enjoy life?
[Help] help
/u/polieusses
Created: Sun Sep 16 01:20:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g8sn6/help/
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im deciding whether to drink a glass of milk with chocolate powder or not?? if i do it ill probably drink another one later. those two drinks would be the only thing i will consume for the next 24 hours.. the problem is that when i eat even the smallest amount of anything, i feel like i just ate 10000 calories and get sad... should i just drink it or fast on water?
[Discussion] What are you craving rn?
/u/angelic-rose [🌹 19F | 5’6 | 125.2 | 20.18 | GW1 120]
Created: Sun Sep 16 00:50:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g8nuh/what_are_you_craving_rn/
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11.5 hours into an impromptu fast & I’m fuckin HUNGRY. I’ll start:
> motherfuckin BEN AND JERRYS ice cream? I don’t understand......ive never had it, it’s horrifically calorie-dense, AND I’m lactose intolerant. R.I.P. my asshole and my skin if I ever cave & get my gremlin hands on it
> on the topic of ice cream, I’m always a slut for ice cream sandwiches. I could eat 3 or 4 rn.
> cereal, of fucking course. i had some earlier but now i want more. I’m craving Frosted Flakes specifically for some reason.
> peanut butter sandwiches on white bread. i miss both of those things. soft and,,,peanutty
That is all. I wish I could lucid dream so I could dream about eating this shit. Damn.
Goodnight :)
/u/caithaa [5'7 | 125 | 19.56 | 21F 🌼]
Created: Sun Sep 16 00:18:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g8iag/goodnight/
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Felt too fat to go out with my friends tonight. Convinced myself to get some work done, but then distracted myself reading horoscopes and scrolling down Twitter. Now I'm watching Stephanie Buttermore eat donuts in her car.
​
All of the dysfunction I just described feels so normal, like home – as if today was a good night in, when all I really did was obsess about the way my clothes fit so I bailed on plans, then was unproductive for over five hours, and then watched a bodybuilder have a cheat day on youtube while my stomach growled seriously disturbingly from being starved for days. Really makes you think about how weird EDs are really are, yet how normal it becomes after years and years.
​
Goodnight friends :) see you all tomorrow. Hopefully we'll all have better days.
Fake anorexic
/u/AspergersAndCoffee [5'2F | Last recorded weight 93 | SW 100 | Starting therapy soon]
Created: Sun Sep 16 00:03:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g8fh4/fake_anorexic/
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I'm fighting my ED.
Trying to.
But the biggest calorie intake I'm accepting, so the one I'm aiming for, is 1600.
I might want to cry with every bite.
I might think i binge eat even though I eat two times less than my family.
I might have an even bigger TDEE because I'm adolescent.
A mental health professional might have diagnosed me with anorexia.
I might think about food all the time and show symptoms of malnourishment.
My BMI might be underweight.
But I feel like I'm faking.
Most girls in my class look so much skinnier than me.
Someone in my school said I'm getting fat recently.
I can't even see my ribs well and my thighs are bigger than Australia when I sit.
And 1600 is so much! People out there are on 500 calorie diets and fasting, even without an ED!
How can someone eat more than three times this and be anorexic?
I feel so fake.
[Rant/Rave] Feeling full ...
/u/breebunny88
Created: Sat Sep 15 23:53:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g8dlc/feeling_full/
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DAE hate I mean literally hate the feeling of being full ?! Even if you haven’t eaten much but you still feel full!? For reals I CANT STAND THIS FEELING. (Not yelling or angry) just can’t stand having much of anything in my stomach.
Hate feeling full.
Hate ED.
Love feeling empty.
Why is my body/mind like this?!
Oh my please tell me I’m not the only one that thinks like this...
I never fast completely because I never ever ever want to binge. But today I didn’t eat much at all even after a killer workout than had 2 cups of green beans and I’m so uncomfortable. ( I know this isn’t much of anything but I can barely suck in my stomach) RAWR 🐯
[Help] Drunk told my friends I hate my body and need to lose weight
/u/ihate-chicken
Created: Sat Sep 15 23:53:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g8dlb/drunk_told_my_friends_i_hate_my_body_and_need_to/
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And now they’re concerned and I definitely sounded some alarms.
HELP
Talked to my ~*naturally skinny*~ boyfriend on how he stays so thin
/u/bunnywithbpd [5"2 || 104]
Created: Sat Sep 15 23:47:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g8cf3/talked_to_my_naturally_skinny_boyfriend_on_how_he/
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My bf is 6"1 and weighed 130-140 at his lowest for a while and now he's at 155 (because I cook for him and he has more money to eat out). He's a gamer so he spends his days waking up, going straight to the computer, then leaves for work, has a lunch there and then comes home a little late and just goes back to his computer and sleeps.
He used to eat like, once or twice a day, doesn't snack but likes drinking coke. And it would be just a bowl of cereal or ramen and that would be it. His day just "goes by" and by the end of it he just goes to sleep and restarts the next day.
I asked him how he doesn't eat and he goes "Oh, no, I'm literally hungry all the time, I just ignore it because I'm too lazy to get food/too picky/just don't care."
I never seen him binge eat, just got really excited for huge meals and when he is stressed/sad he actually loses his appetite. He mentioned he used to skip eating because of he was afraid of his dad who yelled at him for a lot of random things like getting a bowl of cereal at night.
Anyway isn't that just WILD guys? LIKE JUST WOW. I could study these types of people all day. :D
It's kind of insightful to see that we shouldn't really be jealous of "naturally thin people" they all have some sort of background where they feel anxious towards food.
Did anyone talk to a "naturally thin" person on how they stay thin? I'm just really curious what they might be repelled from food because in Supersize vs. Superskinny, they both had backgrounds where it affected their eating.
appetite suppressants
/u/zeneith [5'7 | CW 147.7 | BMI 22.6 | SW 211.6| UGW 110]
Created: Sat Sep 15 22:51:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g82bd/appetite_suppressants/
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has anyone tried any? like green tea extract or glucomannan pills? were they effective and did you have any side effects?
[Rant/Rave] Housemate is home
/u/meineschatzi [165cm | CW: 58kg | BMI: 21.5 | GW: 52kg | 25F]
Created: Sat Sep 15 22:46:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g81b1/housemate_is_home/
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So I can’t purge the two yoghurts and four nut bars I just ate (plus a handful of cereal straight out of the box). I knew restricting again would lead to this and now I’m in panic mode. I’m so ashamed. I’ll have to tell my psychiatrist and dietitian that I binged. I only ate like 245 calories before this so it’s not the end of the world but it honestly fucking feels like it. For three whole days I could restrict again and it felt so good. Why did it have to go away again? Now I have to try and eat to my meal plan again so I don’t binge again, ugh.
[Rant/Rave] BYE 150S!!!!
/u/arthroego
Created: Sat Sep 15 22:35:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g7z36/bye_150s/
---
YALL IM SO HYPE I JUST WEIGHED IN AT 149.4 AFTER A WEEK OF 150.2-150.6
TURNS OUT IT WAS MY PERIOD MAKING ME RETAIN WATER
AND I FOUND OUT AFTER A 24 HR LIQUID FAST AND I WENT TO A DAY PARTY W A GUY WHO WAS SUPER CUTE AND KEPT COMPLIMENTING ME AND WE KISSED A FEW TIMES AND LIKE STUCK TOGETHER LIKE GLUE UGHHHHH
LIFE IS SO GOOD RIGHT NOW 💖💖💖💖💖💖 I HOPE EVERYONES HAVING A GOOD NIGHT!!!!!
ps im LIT as FUCK right now off 3 shots shoutout to not eatng before drinking
[Rant/Rave] I made a stupid mistake
/u/d_hatesthis
Created: Sat Sep 15 22:33:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g7yui/i_made_a_stupid_mistake/
---
I accidentally misread the nutrition label on a bar of chocolate my friend had given me; she ate a quarter of it and offered me the rest. I had stashed it away for three days because I didn't feel like I deserved what I thought was a 210 cal chocolate bar. Then today I thought this was going to be the day. I had only had a 60 cal coffees drink fir breakfast and two slices of vegan cheese (120) for lunch; I was sure today I had finally deserved that chocolate. I waited patiently for nine pm, just in case I ate something else, for this chocolate and started eating it. In the middle I decided to log it into my fitness pal and that's when I found out that it's actually 210 cal for half the chocolate bar. I feel so stupid and out of control and I ended up eating the rest of the chocolate cause what's the point, I'll just be the fatty I am. The most frustrating part is that I've been trying to go from 800 cal a day to 400 and I thought I finally achieved that. I had read in fatlogic a while ago about how some of the posters there considered 600 cal to be high for restricting and I have been eating 200 cal over that. I suck at fasting, I don't exercise (only walk), and barely restrict. I read that and decided that I would finally make a change. It's been hard and I've been working really hard to cut those last 400 cal and I thought today was the day but nope, 495 cal. So here I am, this fat blob that can't read simple labels and am still eating too many calories to be considered eating disordered by normal people and I hate myself for it. I don't even know why I want this, if anyone noticed that I had a "problem" then they tried to get me to stop and I'm nowhere close to my goal. Still I find myself trying to slyly tell my friends that I'm not OK but because I'm fat they just keep encouraging me to lose weight and that should be a dream come true but it feels suffocating I don't know why. They would probably like me better if I was skinny like them. I thought that I had finally made some progress but I failed like I always do and now I'm not just letting myself down I'm letting all my friends down too and it fucking sucks.
My body is working against me
/u/coffeehearts [5'5" | CW 125 | GW 116 | BMI 20.8 | F(26)]
Created: Sat Sep 15 22:31:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g7y7r/my_body_is_working_against_me/
---
I'll admit I'm not that small. But I am at my lowest weight in years and I feel like I have been fighting tooth and nail lately. It feels like my body is resisting losing any more weight because it wants to go back to where I started! I'm just hungry hungry hungry all the time lately and I can't make it stop. It's like my body is saying "Okay we are done with this now or we will die". I can't even stay under 1200 lately which should be plenty.
Just needed to vent so I don't eat anything else tonight. I had two half assed attempts at working out tonight but couldn't follow through. All I can do now is just wait until I'm tired enough to fall asleep and start over tomorrow. Solidarity, my friends.
Senpai noticed me. I don't mean to brag but...
/u/SkinnyisSexy [5'7.6 |128.4|gw115|19.6| F]
Created: Sat Sep 15 22:30:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g7y07/senpai_noticed_me_i_dont_mean_to_brag_but/
---
So before I relapsed I was still a "healthy" weight of 147. I was eating French fries like a monster at work and one of my cowokers was like "wow how are you so skinny when you eat like that?" (Mind you almost all of my coworkers are female and anywhere from slightly overweight or obese) her friend chimes in "oh, it'll catch up with her. Remember how skinny I used to be." They laugh, I pretend to laugh. Good times. Fast forward to today. I walk into work at 125 wearing a tight dress, and they greet me. As i walk past i hear one asking the other "has she always been that skinny?" Ahhaahhahaha BITCH NO I HATE MYSELF AND LOST 20LBS BY STARVING! I just pretended not to hear and kept walking. I'm sorry to brag but this is the first time someone other than my mom noticed. My mom also thinks i lost weight when i haven't though and it's super paranoid because she knows my history.
[Discussion] Imagine your ED as a venn diagram. The good, the bad, and the overlap. I will start....needed a chill post we can relate to.
/u/indentionsofme [Height 5"10 | CW 100| HW 142| GW 95 l BMI 14.3]
Created: Sat Sep 15 22:01:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g7rds/imagine_your_ed_as_a_venn_diagram_the_good_the/
---
Here are mine.....I may add some
​
Pros:
lost/losing weight
getting to buy new clothes and feeling better in them
feeling that ED "high"
always having something I can fall back on.
​
Middle:
Learned what calories really were and how they affect the body.
Lots of caffeine keeps me going. EC stack keeps me alert to life.
Helped with my bipolar and controlling it at times with my ED.
A hobby for when I literally can not do anything else due to depression.
​
Cons:
Bad health issues and (suicidal idealization relating to ED symptoms)
Constantly tired, really, really tired. Sleeping sooooo much.
B/P
Crazed supermarket experiences.
​
​
Is r/fasting full of people with ED?
/u/LurkerofTheNights
Created: Sat Sep 15 21:40:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g7n13/is_rfasting_full_of_people_with_ed/
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Sorry but they go on for weeks without food. I don't want to get banned but I know some people here visit both.
I'm high and this made me think of us. Tim and Eric (mark nsfw cause kinda gross)
/u/idontevenliketeatbh [23F 5'3" | cw.147 | ugw.100 | lost.63lbs ☕ ]
Created: Sat Sep 15 21:39:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g7mv3/im_high_and_this_made_me_think_of_us_tim_and_eric/
---
https://youtu.be/INfEyMvb2-E
[Goal] Ate about 1k over my restriction goal for the day, but still a “normal” amount. Tell my sick brain I’m not going to gain 10 lb overnight?
/u/DistortionPuddle [5'7"| CW:137 | BMI:21.5 | GW: 125 | 31F]
Created: Sat Sep 15 21:28:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g7khi/ate_about_1k_over_my_restriction_goal_for_the_day/
---
https://i.imgur.com/cqCTCEQ.png
all of my mental instability feels like a lie
/u/edthrowaway98
Created: Sat Sep 15 21:27:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g7k8x/all_of_my_mental_instability_feels_like_a_lie/
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dae feel like their mental illness(es) are a lie/exaggerated? I’ve come to terms w the fact that my eating disorder is real but i have been coming to the realization recently that i’ve been cyclically depressed for 5-6 years now but every time i want to do something about it i always back out and tell myself i’m being dramatic. Surely i can’t be the only one feeling like this. My parents are older and conservative but overall pretty accepting of the idea of mental illness and getting appropriate treatment so it’s not like i’ve been raised around the idea of mental illnesses being invalid. I guess it’s just an idea that imprinted in my mind idk i feel INSANE someone pls commiserate
[Other] i’m a terrible mom bc i got some weird pleasure that my 1yo son’s arm didn’t look much smaller than mine in a pic 😑
/u/iToldAnotherLieToday [5'7| CW: 98.4 | 28F]
Created: Sat Sep 15 21:11:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g7gue/im_a_terrible_mom_bc_i_got_some_weird_pleasure/
---
https://i.imgur.com/Vz9059I.jpg
[Other] “Out”, a shitty piece of prose I wrote today after my two day binge.
/u/staticphat [Height: 5'3 | CW: Jabba the Hutt | GW: Bikini Leia]
Created: Sat Sep 15 21:11:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g7gq8/out_a_shitty_piece_of_prose_i_wrote_today_after/
---
“I wish I had an eating disorder” she said, ordering the “Fresh and Healthy” grilled chicken salad with quinoa, lentils, olive oil, avocado, and sun dried tomatoes off the menu. 987 calories (assuming she didn’t ask for cheese on top).
“If only I cared about my figure that much!” she added with a chuckle while I pretended to browse the menu. I had already looked up the menu and calculated what would be my lowest calorie option. 350 liquid calories (assuming I finished the whole thing).
“Don’t say that, it’s just a model thing that they do to look thinner and not get fired” someone else at the table chimed in, sipping at a sugar-filled “coffee” with too many heaps of whipped cream and enough syrups to make Canada jealous. 550 calories (assuming she ordered whole milk).
Later that evening, after everyone finished their lunch (I boxed mines up to finish for dinner), we bid our farewells. That night, the group chat flourished.
PING.
“Hey, that eating disorder conversation got me thinking...” was all I saw of the preview while I shoved food after food down my throat.
PING.
Ben and Jerry’s, Oreos, Nutter Butters.
PING.
Half frozen chicken nuggets, bagels without cream cheese, Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
PING.
Raw instant noodles, Vienna sausage from the can, three day old rice.
PING.
“I gained like five pounds LOLZ”
I shut off my phone, rubbing my stomach and feeling immense guilt and remorse. I felt my double chin expand, my thighs stretch, and my heart beat harder in an attempt to digest the immense amount of food I just consumed.
Another day wasted, I thought, while the bottom of the styrofoam cup with my leftovers from lunch stared back at me.
[Rant/Rave] relapse hell
/u/asdfasdf12312369
Created: Sat Sep 15 21:10:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g7gob/relapse_hell/
---
last year, i was in the depths of anorexia, bmi of 14. exactly one year ago, i started recovery. and on the same exact day as i was told last year i was going to die if i kept going, i threw up on purpose. i've always been anorexic with exercise purging, but i feel like this is starting something even worse. i'm fat and my body is disgusting now, even though i know i'm still below my doctor's goal weight and people at school say i look "malnourished." i went from a bmi of 14 to a bmi of 19.4, not sure if i should just throw myself in front of a train or try to lose all the weight as fast as possible. i want to die :) eds are hell
[Help] TW: purging...help needed ASAP please :(
/u/TheRealMarsRover
Created: Sat Sep 15 21:07:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g7fza/tw_purginghelp_needed_asap_please/
---
I’ve been restricting, and tonight I had dinner with a friend. I told myself to be normal and enjoy my meal like a sane person. Well it wasn’t off my list of safe foods and I am having a lot of anxiety right now. I need to purge. I’ve been recovered for 4 years, relapsed this August. I’m still a pro at purging but I’m so afraid of damaging my teeth, can someone please tell me the baking soda/water ratio I should rinse with? I need to know ASAP bc I’m just going to panic until I can purge :(
I’m on mobile so I can’t do flair, sorry
[Discussion] Small Accomplishments
/u/its_freaking_bats [5'7" | CW 125 | BMI 19.6 | GW 120 | F]
Created: Sat Sep 15 20:47:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g7bq6/small_accomplishments/
---
Yesterday we had a luncheon at work where they served pizza and cookies during a meeting. I made sure that I ate my 200 calorie lunch right before so that I wouldn’t feel tempted. I have to admit, the pizza was hard to resist, but I did it!
The meeting went for an hour longer than I thought it would and I got super hungry and I did end up having a small cookie. I was worried about this because even the smallest bit of junk food will send me spiraling into a binge. BUT IT DIDNT HAPPEN THIS TIME GUYS. I ate ONE cookie and stopped. Usually I would run like a maniac to the grocery store after and buy a ton of junk food and binge, but I just went home and waited till late in the evening to eat my normal 500 calorie supper. I woke up this morning and was down 1 pound!
I know that if I told someone I was proud of myself for only eating 1 cookie they would think I was insane, but I know a lot of you can relate.
Hooray for the little things!
[Other] what the FUCK. 660 per cookie??? these fuckers are smaller than my hand i feel attacked
/u/itsyaboifranzi [5'0| 105.6 lbs | 20.6 | ~20 lbs | F]
Created: Sat Sep 15 20:44:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g7avy/what_the_fuck_660_per_cookie_these_fuckers_are/
---
https://i.redd.it/p755cbkfkim11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] A letter to my future self when I’m about to binge
/u/elevenbravo274 [5'7 | 110 | 17 | F]
Created: Sat Sep 15 20:37:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g79fp/a_letter_to_my_future_self_when_im_about_to_binge/
---
It’s not worth it.
I just ate 6 bowls of sugary cereal with almond milk, and then 5 dark chocolate peanut butter cups, because “why not”. I’ll tell you why not, right now I’m lying down feeling my heart beating a mile a minute, nauseous and breathing hard, knowing that all my hard restriction work is down the drain because “I’m on my period and dark chocolate is good for me”.
No. Stop it. Put down whatever it is you’re about to binge on. And don’t c/s either, because evidently that’s a slippery slope that leads to binging, and all the guilt I’ll be feeling for days after.
Restricting is hard, but giving in is much, much worse.
[Rant/Rave] I’m actually mad I weigh 92 lbs
/u/motivation-cat
Created: Sat Sep 15 20:18:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g74x6/im_actually_mad_i_weigh_92_lbs/
---
I’ve been recovering (eating a normal amount of calories a day, trying to get rid of the ED thoughts but not actually making a huge effort to gain weight) for two weeks now, after my weight hit 90 lbs as a 5’4” teenage girl.
I expected to gain weight, and I saw myself gaining weight. My thighs are closing in on me and I’m not nearly as bony as I used to be. My ribs no longer stick out, my waist is significantly less tiny, and my shoulders and back are covered by a thin layer of fat. I didn’t weigh myself during those two weeks.
With the changes i saw every day on my body, I estimated a big weight gain. Like, I thought I’d weigh around 94/95. That’s how much fat I’ve gained.
I weigh myself and prepare to see a number in the high 90s.
NOPE. NINETY FUCKING TWO. TWO POUNDS. I GAINED TWO POUNDS OF FAT.
How do I look so much fatter despite gaining two pounds?? How have my thighs gained SO MUCH on only TWO POUNDS????
I’m so upset and honestly a bit triggered. If I look so fat right now, I don’t want to know what I’ll look like at a healthy weight.
Tl;dr I gained so much fat I thought I’d weigh more than I did, and I am upset that for such little weight gain I’ve gained so much fat.
[Discussion] Lets be honest, being fat sucks
/u/HellloHannah
Created: Sat Sep 15 20:17:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g74kv/lets_be_honest_being_fat_sucks/
---
https://i.redd.it/qvu5mr3nfim11.png
[Rant/Rave] Today is going great 🙃
/u/binkybarnes6969420 [5'2.5"|106.2|19.72|-28.816F]
Created: Sat Sep 15 20:11:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g735g/today_is_going_great/
---
Woke up today ravenously hungry, went to driving school, got home, ate 8 servings of Doritos(1200), 1/4 cup of baking chocolates(280), two pieces of old-as-fuck leftover pizza (506) and 6 waffle cookies(140).
I also texted the boy I literally JUST broke up with for calling me thick because I’m so lonely. Now I’m waiting for the 3 dulcolaxes I took to kick in. I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself
Stunted growth
/u/Fuguenocht [21M | 113]
Created: Sat Sep 15 20:06:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g71pj/stunted_growth/
---
An adolescent ED stunted my growth significantly. It's hellish and I'm suffering. I can't think of anything else or bear to inhabit this deformed body. By comparison, it's an unbelievable blessing to only care about weight: I could do something about it, and see effects, all for free. Whereas for growth there's nothing I can do, save for a distant sustaining hope of limb lengthening surgery (not a perfect replica of real growth, but at least it's something) which costs 50k at minimum. But no hope of achieving more than that insufficient partial replica of what I crave, only endless pain and mutilation that will stain me until I die. I literally can't inhabit this body. At least there's no reason to *not* restrict now that all the damage is done.
I don't even feel like I'm part of modern society. Food is so cheap nowadays that even the very poor don't suffer from stunted growth the way they did in the past. 99% of the people around me grew normally and had normal nutrition. I'm marked as inferior forever and I'd do anything to be fixed.
[Rant/Rave] update on my sister
/u/lightningmcqueef69 [5'5.5" | 114.6lbs | 18.78 | 18 | enby 💛]
Created: Sat Sep 15 19:57:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g6zqo/update_on_my_sister/
---
up to 4 posts today bc y'all know i have no life
i made a post a while back about being worried about my sister developing an ED. i generally figured out what to do and started trying to be extra nice/complimenting her and hadn't told my mom yet but today i found a scale in her room and knew i had to tell my mom before it got worse. she works from home and said my sister is 'eating well and often' and that there's no purging going on, which is relieving. she said that she'd pay attention and talk to her if things get concerning, but hopefully it's just typical teenage body image issues and nothing serious. i know before my ED i was still worried about my body but knowing that my mom is aware of what's going on with my sister (and that she's amazing at handling mental health issues, i love her to death) is relieving. i feel guilty bc i'm so deep in my ED and apparently hiding it very well, but i would never wish this upon anyone else. if anyone has any tips to help foster a better relationship w my sister or just support her if it gets worse that would be lovely but i just felt the need to update since my first post was pretty emotional??
[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Rave] Stunted growth
/u/Fuguenocht [21M | 113]
Created: Sat Sep 15 19:55:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g6za8/rantrave_stunted_growth/
---
An adolescent ED stunted my growth significantly. It's profoundly hellish. I can't think of anything else or bear to inhabit this deformed body. By comparison, it's an unbelievable blessing to only care about weight: you can do something about it, and see effects, all for free. Whereas for growth there's nothing I can do, except for that distant sustaining hope of limb lengthening surgery (not a perfect replica of real growth, but at least it's something) which costs 50k at minimum. But no hope of achieving more than that insufficient partial replica of what I crave, only endless pain and mutilation that will stain me until I die. I literally can't inhabit this body. At least there's no reason to *not* restrict now that all the damage is done.
I don't even feel like I'm part of modern society. Food is so cheap that even the very poor don't suffer from stunted growth the way they did in the past. 99% of the people around me grew normally and had normal nutrition. I'm marked as inferior forever.
[Rant/Rave] How I FINALLY wooshed!
/u/linedryonly [5'5"♀| CW 135 | SW 145 | LW 102 | GW 110]
Created: Sat Sep 15 19:33:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g6u7l/how_i_finally_wooshed/
---
I've been stuck at 61.3 kg for the past month and it was killing me. I weighed myself this morning and I'm down to 60.4. I've almost lost a full kg in 6 days!
I did high restriction OMAD for the past week (1000-1600cal), intermittent fasting 23/1, and walked for 1-2 hrs at night. It feels SO good to finally see that number move. If I keep it up this week, I'll be down below 60kg for the first time in several months and I'm so excited.
To anyone else stuck in a plateau, be patient, I promise your woosh is coming too.
[Rant/Rave] I never seem to eat under my weekly maintenance
/u/violentyetflammable [5'6" | CW: 175 | UGW: 95 | F22]
Created: Sat Sep 15 19:33:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g6u56/i_never_seem_to_eat_under_my_weekly_maintenance/
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Under my daily? Sure, I have some awesome days. But then I have the days where I can't stop eating. Like today, I thought I'd make it. I made it until two hours ago and I ate cause I felt dizzy now I'm ravenous and feel insatiable. I feel so fake and I've been going up and down the same five pounds for two months now and I just feel so lazy and fake with all this.
Relapsing maybe?
/u/wlfn90 [F28 | 5’3” | HW 200 lbs | LW 88 lbs | Recovered]
Created: Sat Sep 15 19:29:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g6t5y/relapsing_maybe/
---
I feel like there’s a chance that maybe I’m starting to slip back into my ED. I have been recovered for a couple of years now with only a handful of slip ups in that time, but I started dieting in April because my weight got way too high.
Everything was going great for awhile, but lately I’ve been noticing a lot of bad thought patterns. Only 2 days in the last week have I actually come close to eating my 1200 calories. The rest have all been 500-800.
It’s difficult because I have another 20 pounds to lose before I am even at a healthy BMI, plus I need to lose an additional 20 to be at my goal weight. I definitely don’t want to do anything to hinder my progress, but I don’t want to go too far either.
What would you do?
[Other] Just venting about bone structure
/u/r0separade
Created: Sat Sep 15 19:28:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g6t3a/just_venting_about_bone_structure/
---
Ever since I was a little kid, I wanted to be smaller than what I was. I was a very outdoorsy, active kid who played soccer, but still I’d always mentally compare myself to other girls. Lining up in height-order for school pictures, I would slump my shoulders or bend my knees a tiny bit to not be so close to the front of the line. I wanted so badly to be shorter.
As a teenager, my dysphoria shifted from my height to my weight. I believed I was fat at 125 lbs (largely because of my hips) and that if I simply had the self-control to eat less and lose weight, I’d achieve the look I wanted. Once I weighed less and less, I realized it isn’t skinniness and bonyness or even a lesser weight I desire; it’s smallness. It’s a terrible realization because it’s not something I can really fix. I can’t change my height and bone structure. At my lightest adult weight of 111 lbs at 5'5", although my jeans were roomier, I still wore a size 4.
I’m studying physical therapy, and in school we have to touch each other to find various body parts and muscles. The other day a girl was finding my hip bones and she was like “wow you have wide hips!” almost in a surprised voice because I don’t have much fat on me in that area. This wasn't the first time someone has commented on them. It just sucks because this is the smallest I can get.
I’ll never look the way I want, and even worse I’ll never be happy with myself.
To my boyfriend,
/u/2fckk
Created: Sat Sep 15 19:27:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g6sw1/to_my_boyfriend/
---
I am so sorry. For everything I put us through. My chest aches when I see reality clearly. So I prefer to float above reality by means of restriction from food. This cycle has left my control. I'm sorry that my inability to focus comes across as uncaring. I'm sorry that my lack of emotion comes across as callous and bored. I'm sorry that my lack of energy comes across as boring. I'm sorry that I snap at you because my brain contorts meaning. I'm sorry that I slip under a veil of darkness and negativity. I'm sorry that it inadvertently covers you too. You didn't fall for me in this state but perhaps you feel obligated to stay with me in this state. I'm sorry that I respond to your kindness with sarcasm. It's hard to believe someone could be genuinely kind to me when I place all of my value on my size. I'm sorry that I respond to your love with doubt. I am paranoid. I am tired. I am sick. I am distorted. I am sad. I am irritable. I am nervous. I am tense. I am confused. I am hopeless. I am high. Me, me, me, me, me. I'm sorry for filling our relationship with me. Me, me, me. It's disgusting. I'm sorry that my personality dissolves under a pile of paranoia and insecurity. I'm sorry that you pick up the pieces of my meltdowns so I can pretend they didn't happen. I'm sorry you had to meet me. I'm sorry I let myself bring you in. I used to be okay when I was a child. When I was a kid, I had a personality. I was funny, I was positive and playful and excited and hopeful. People liked me. I have faded away. I am sorry for me.
[Discussion] social isolation bc of fear of calories?
/u/gogurt1
Created: Sat Sep 15 19:27:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g6spg/social_isolation_bc_of_fear_of_calories/
---
this has probably been mentioned already, but i just need to hear that i’m not alone in this. i just started college, and it’s going very well. i joined a sorority which forces me to go out and make friends, and i’m generally a very outgoing person and i make friends very easily. however, ever since late march i’ve been slowly isolating myself from my hometown friends, declined offers to hangout, starting picking up more shifts at work, all because it made it so much easier to stay within my calorie limit if i wasn’t going out (drinking, eating out at restaurants, or smoking, which we all know leads to the munchies...) i was foolishly hoping this wouldn’t happen at college, too, but here we are. it’s a saturday night and all my sorority sisters are going out partying, but i’m staying in my dorm, lying to myself and saying i have a ton of homework to do. this isn’t a complete lie, i’m in a lot of honors classes and they really pile on the work, but i could easily do it tomorrow—i just don’t want to drink all the high calorie beverages. ugh. it just sucks. i know if i didn’t care about calories i would definitely be out w friends right now, but here we are. i feel so alone in this, i don’t have anyone to talk to who would understand. hoping some of you guys can relate ):
Is this normal?
/u/funnyhappygirl123
Created: Sat Sep 15 19:24:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g6s06/is_this_normal/
---
Hey guys! So I've been restricting pretty heavily for a while (300-500 calories/day). It was really hard the first month--I was constantly hungry, weak, and had to force myself to not eat anything. But now, I'm just not hungry anymore, and have to consciously force myself to eat at least 300 calories for the sake of nutrition (and sometimes I can't even succeed with that), even though I'm now moving around way more. Is this normal?
[Discussion] DAE gain a lot of weight through the day? Then goes back to normal after sleeping?
/u/fish110 [5'3.5"|CW124|GW110|F]
Created: Sat Sep 15 19:21:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g6rhf/dae_gain_a_lot_of_weight_through_the_day_then/
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I've been really struggling with binging lately, and i've been constantly bloated. I weigh myself in the morning and i'm around 121, and then at night i shoot up to 125, and then after sleeping i go back down. does that happen to any of you? It makes me really sad everytime i go to sleep because i feel so heavy.
[Help] Site similar to losertown
/u/rejected_desk_puppy
Created: Sat Sep 15 19:15:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g6q0l/site_similar_to_losertown/
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A few days ago someone here made a comment with a link to a site similar to losertown but better. It calculates how many calories you’d have to have to be at a certain weight by a certain time frame. But not as difficult as losertown.org. I can’t find it anywhere and I’m obsessively trying to find it. Any leads?
[Rant/Rave] can i just rant (long. again.)
/u/intensitei [5’8 | fat | 23F]
Created: Sat Sep 15 19:12:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g6pe6/can_i_just_rant_long_again/
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literally all I do here is rant these long ass rants & idk how u guys deal with me but u guys are the only ones who understand & u always make me feel heard & understood so. idk :(
TW!!!!!!!!!!!: suicide as a topic?
so today marks one year since I had my attempt. I’ve been struggling ever since. and recently it’s been upgraded to not only having suicidal ideations/thoughts, but extremely dreadful existential crises too! woohoo living hell
since that day, though, I’ve been in a kind of “fight” mode. im struggling my ass off but I’m really trying to hang on, take my meds, & get my shit together so I can eventually get therapy and maybe have some kind of life one day.
but I made it. I made it one more year. and last year was so traumatic for me that every month on that date (15th), I struggled. badly.
so to treat myself, I’ve been planning to get a semicolon tattoo on this day.
weeks ago, I drew on my arm. I drew in my notebook. I took a photo of my arm, used an app and placed a semicolon on it and edited it until it was absolutely perfect. I tried to plan it out carefully so it wouldn’t end up like my first tattoo where I was terrified and the guy was mean and now it’s scarred and ugly lol
but anyways I’m an artist so the EXACT details are very important to me. which may be a fault. idk.
so yeah I’ve had a VERY shitty week. like absolutely terrible. and then I’ve been planning this tat & i’d already emailed the shop well in advance (and they were like “yeah ok we do walk ins on Saturdays so just come in early”) and so I’m anxious and I’m trying to hang on so I can make it to that 1 year mark, you know
I go in, anxious as fuck. there’s a line even though I got there before the opening time for the shop!!! (they didn’t say anything about opening THAT early in the email?!?)
then get assigned to an artist that I saw bad reviews on (apparently he was rude/demeaning) but had great art. I’m like “well fuck. at least he’s a good artist so this won’t be as bad as my first tattoo”
lol
I also hadn’t eaten in two days (SO stupid) so that added to my anxiety/jitters
so idk he’s cool or whatever. very dry and a little intimidating but not terrible. but I’m an EXTREMELY anxious person so I try to navigate these situations gently so I can be as “palatable” as possible (I have trauma so I’m always trying to avoid ppl getting mad/annoyed with me) which I guess is stupid but idk. I just thought I had a handle on it.
I asked him to go back and change the outline at least 10 times before I was like “ok” and i thought I was being responsible! but I guess I got nervous and mixed up while doing it & lost my vision for my tattoo. at some points, he seemed annoyed.
I also showed him the photo (my arm with the exact size and placement on it) and it was like he wasn’t really trying to match it up precisely, he just kept doodling it on and didn’t care if it was straight or not
ugh I don’t know. I thought I was okay. I saw him tattoo it and even checked it, had him change something, and then looked down at it and said “okay!” when i should have looked at it in the mirror :(
(Side of wrist, not easily visible)
I feel like I, without knowing, went into survival mode and just tried to make a beeline through the situation without stepping on any toes except my own. so I just said yes to everything because I was intimidated by him. I just wasn’t aware that I was doing it at the time.
so idk I get home, take everything off to wash it and I hate it. I’m already planning laser removal for when it heals. it looks nothing like the photo and honestly it’s all my fault. I was too fucking anxious to do anything right.
maybe since I have trauma, I shouldn’t go to male tattoo artists anymore.
maybe I shouldn’t have tattoos at all. maybe this is a sign.
and idk this makes NO sense but my brain is telling me NO more tattoos until I’m skinny lmfao. what kind of sense does that make.
I guess I’ll have less anxiety about being seen in public and by strangers. I’m not as silenced when I’m not worrying so much about my super round face being stared at.
I guess my wrists won’t be so warped by fat that I can’t judge where tattoos should go. I guess I’ll like them more when I’m more comfortable in my skin (if that happens). I guess I won’t feel as hideous and uncomfortable going to get these things done. I guess I’ll deserve it more then.
so all of this just to end up where I started. I’m feeling really low, guys. I’m not going to do anything to myself but I’m really down. this is my first visible tattoo and I hate it. I really hate it. I have to walk around with this thing until it heals and THEN until I can save up for laser. it’s really small but it’s so ugly. fuck.
so much for one year. at least I made it I guess.
Wasting food depresses me
/u/girlinschool
Created: Sat Sep 15 19:09:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g6ons/wasting_food_depresses_me/
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I had to discard two canned foods because they were dented during shipment (I bought it online). I also had to give away around 6 canned foods to the family (was about to *reluctantly* throw them away, but I was stopped by the family).
It was probably fine to eat, but botulism is scary. Then I opened my mini refrigerator and these last couple of days, I had two dead fruit flies (yuck). Don't know where it came from. I had to clear out the refrigerator and throw away ~2lbs of baby carrots, which were 2 weeks old but still good enough to eat (baby carrots last a *looong* time).
Having ED, I have an obsession with food and wasting it depresses me so so much. I once saw a video on Youtube of a gourmet chef recreating Twinkies and she threw away this huge pile of Twinkies on the counter and it made me furious.
Wasting food triggered me. I have so much regret and I just don't feel mentally well right now. Of course, I binged.
Every time I'm depressed, I'm reminded of all of the shitty parts of my life. I hate everything right now.
Not sure if this is relatable, but I'm just trying to get this off my chest.
DAE over compensate with vitamins?
/u/abcupcake27
Created: Sat Sep 15 18:54:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g6l9u/dae_over_compensate_with_vitamins/
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I have literally been living off of coffee, low sugar low calorie Gatorade and light and fit 80cal yogurt. I over compensate and take double the recommended gummy vitamins and gummy fiber supplements. It makes me feel like by not eating I'm not going to die of a deficiency.
[Rant/Rave] Tooth operation
/u/glitchydowner
Created: Sat Sep 15 18:45:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g6j5t/tooth_operation/
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So I have good news and bad news.
We'll start with the bad - I have an operation coming up next week and I'll have to have my gum cut open and then stitched. I'll have to have the other side done aswell in the near future. I'm so nervous I can't stop thinking about food. Im trying not to binge but I keep buying snacks and sit looking at them and then I end up eating some here and there because it's stressing me out.
Good news - once it's done I won't be able to eat proper food for a week or so! I guess that's a bonus. 😓
[Help] how to not binge after a fast???
/u/lightningmcqueef69 [5'5.5" | 114.6lbs | 18.78 | 18 | enby 💛]
Created: Sat Sep 15 18:45:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g6izh/how_to_not_binge_after_a_fast/
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how many times can u/lightningmcqueef69 post to r/proed in one day??? we're up to 3! wow!
so i fasted for 6 days this week and had my food planned perfect for today at EXACTLY 688cal, but I got my period and ended up eating just over 2300. I feel physically ill. I've done this every time I break a long fast and while I know it's not too bad, I hate eating over 600 in a day ever. how do i stop binging when i break my fasts??? do i just only keeo the foods i plan on eating around?? fuuuuucccckkkk i feel like absolute shit
[Rant/Rave] DAE deal with extremely petty jealousy or....?
/u/beezythegiraffe
Created: Sat Sep 15 18:40:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g6hvn/dae_deal_with_extremely_petty_jealousy_or/
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So my boyfriend's best friend has a girlfriend who I have always been wildly jealous of. She's got like the perfect face, beautiful long shiny hair, and I'm 99% sure she has an ED too, and she has lost a ton of weight lately while I'm sitting over here all fat and atrociously ugly. (Not to mention she's one of those girls with the seemingly perfect life --- $25 an hour job, nice house, college degree, new car, etc).
Anyway, I was really upset when i got home because I saw her today and she is now way way thinner than me (also I was in my pajamas when I saw her, with filthy bun hair and no makeup while she was in some designer sort of outfit and looked impeccable), so I was venting about it to my boyfriend, who goes "yeah she's way skinnier than you now, she looks like a model or something. Her legs look like sticks, and you're tiny, I can't believe she's actually smaller than you!"
So now I seriously want to die?? And like I know how childish I'm being and all but seriously fuck?? And I tried to talk about why I'm so upset with my boyfriend (who has no idea I have an ED) and he just totally doesn't get it. His rationale is "well I'm not sexually attracted to her so what's the big deal?"
Just iiiifjjjshshahakskekejebdjkklska I wish I could be a normal person who could just be friendly and happy for her, but instead I'm this childish bitch about the whole thing. Help.
(Also my stats bcuz I'm on mobile: F/21/5'1/cw 94.62 lb/gw 85.00 lb)
Marc Maron appreciation.
/u/_Spicy_Lemon_ [5'6 | CW 130.8 | GW 120 | UGW 100| F]
Created: Sat Sep 15 18:38:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g6hir/marc_maron_appreciation/
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I know his show is loosely based on his life with addiction & what not... But I love how open he is on there about his body issues.... He's constantly binging & restricting with everyone poking at his supposed weight gain. Idk I'm a bit high & can't articulate... Like personally I'm in this weird weight limbo. I don't feel validate, I get compliments but if I take about loosing weight it's a huge no from anyone & I claim up. Lol. Whoops. I just relate to his character is all.
Cardio Calories burned?
/u/lilmdjd [5'3 | CW: 135 | LW: 95 | GW 115 | 23F]
Created: Sat Sep 15 18:30:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g6fcl/cardio_calories_burned/
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I’m trying to burn off some of my mini-binge, but I know most calorie estimates are way way off. I was thinking of doing 1 hr on the arc trainer at a high incline (estimated 600, I’m thinking 350ish?) and running 2.5 miles of intervals (1 min sprint, 1 min walk) (estimated 300, I’m thinking 250ish) How many calories do you think this would burn? Is 500 for the whole hour and a half of cardio unrealistic?
Btw, my flair stats are wrong I’m at about 130 now, just in case that affects estimates.
[Intro] 🍑peach🍑
/u/BunnyAwesome [5'7"| F | CW 118 | GW 110]
Created: Sat Sep 15 18:22:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g6d85/peach/
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I know the last one of these wasn't very long ago but I'm want more people to talk to 💖
Add me @wreckless_abandon
Love to you all xxx
[Rant/Rave] That oh so sweet and terrible ed validation
/u/luluAita
Created: Sat Sep 15 18:19:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g6co6/that_oh_so_sweet_and_terrible_ed_validation/
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I used to be in a somewhat toxic relationship that ended back in April. Since then I lost 16 lbs out of massive restriction.
While we were together, my ex would always comment on other girls appearances in front of me, even his exes and friends and would NEVER compliment me in any way. At most he would say things like “the color of your dress is nice”. At most. Fucking jerk.
Anyway, I have been feeling pretty low recently, no self esteem at all. But yesterday I went to a party and my ex was there. I said hi very politely and went to talk to other people, low key pretending he wasn’t there at all.
Over the night I caught him looking at me at distance, nothing creepy or anything, and didn’t thought much about it.
Today i wake up to a message on my phone from him. He wrote “ it was nice seeing you. You’re looking very hot :) “
At first I was “YYAAAAY finally all the restriction paid off, sweet revenge :D now I want to eat even less and get even more skinny”
But then it hit me how sad it was that I need so much validation from people, especially the one that are not good for me and my mental and physical health.
Anyway, just needed to share. Do you guys ever get this roller coaster feelings over compliments?
At a steady 75kg
/u/lunasouseiseki [180cm | 77kg | 23.8 | -10kg | F:snoo_shrug:]
Created: Sat Sep 15 18:15:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g6bl1/at_a_steady_75kg/
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I'm still fat and I feel nothing
[Help] Lmaooo I'm a fat bitch
/u/damnbitchimfatasf [5'4 | 27.5bm| 23lbs | female ]
Created: Sat Sep 15 18:03:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g68fq/lmaooo_im_a_fat_bitch/
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Me: *hits a new gw*
Me: let's not fuck this up
Also me: *eats over 2000 calories in junk food*
Guess who's taking a laxative and working out extra hard tonight?
[Discussion] I had enough sense to try and purge my munchies.
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | CW: 114 | GW:105 | UGW 100 | F]
Created: Sat Sep 15 17:43:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g63j1/i_had_enough_sense_to_try_and_purge_my_munchies/
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I had a few cookies and tried to purge them. High. I still got anxiety over eating. God damn.
Is it possible to have a ED without body dysphoria?
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2 | 148 | Aiming for 146 by 9/25 | -12| f21]
Created: Sat Sep 15 17:41:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g62zk/is_it_possible_to_have_a_ed_without_body_dysphoria/
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I really don't think I have BDD, I don't obsess over how I look most of the time, I don't think I grossly misshapen or whatever. Sometimes I don't know how I truly look or see differences in myself but I think that's pretty common in normal people...I dunno
[Discussion] anyone else dealing with ed as a parent?
/u/Ohshitaghost
Created: Sat Sep 15 17:20:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g5xzv/anyone_else_dealing_with_ed_as_a_parent/
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I’m a single parent & raising a bright girl on the spectrum. She’s always been in her own little world but recently has also commented on me not eating dinner with her (only a couple times) she’s also somehow learned about people’s sizes and has told me twice now I have a fat belly and she is skinny which threw me down a rabbit hole for a bit. she definitely doesn’t get my genetics in that sense as she is very slight framed. And she did finally tell me yesterday she wants a big belly and wants to be fat, so I’m guessing to her this is something she sees as cute. does anyone else struggle with the food relationship in front of their kids? she has a very healthy personal relationship with food, so I’m not really worried about that...
[Rant/Rave] Im disgusting
/u/b-carbonate
Created: Sat Sep 15 17:01:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g5t85/im_disgusting/
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Hello it’s your local dumbass bingeing on schnitzels and random cookies at 1am!
I don’t even know why though, I’m not even hungry or particularly emotional yet I’m in my kitchen eating microwaved food with my hands like an animal ...
Im so fat and I know I should close the damn fridge but I can’t !
It’s like im being controlled by voodoo magic or something...
Im even hurting from the binge and still am trying to look for some food in my now empty fridge!
Guess I’ll have to drink the condiments now...
Sorry for the rant that it’s probably full of typos and just not interesting or anything but I just needed to vent about something literally no one knows about me...
[Rant/Rave] Got on a scale for the first time in over a week
/u/Heartfeltregret [5’4| CW:103| BMI:17.7| GW:95 | F]
Created: Sat Sep 15 16:56:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g5s02/got_on_a_scale_for_the_first_time_in_over_a_week/
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Holy crap, So my mom his my scale a little bit ago, and I don’t have enough money to get a new one yet, but I was at my friend’s house and was able to use hers, and IVE LOST 3 POUNDS! I thought I was gonna have gained, but no! I’ve finally escaped my bouncing between the cursed 104 and 108 and am at 103.0! I’m so psyched...
[Discussion] OMAD in College
/u/angelic-rose [🌹 19F | 5’6 | 125.2 | 20.18 | GW1 120]
Created: Sat Sep 15 16:49:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g5qcw/omad_in_college/
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Excuse the word vomit.
I’ve been reflecting lately as my weight loss has slowed a little bit (.5 lb this week which is less than half of what i was losing before when i wasn’t exercising rip.) During this time I realized that I was losing faster when I was binging in the middle of the day then chugging 0 cal drinks until the next day. Not only was I losing faster, but I had more time to do assignments and was losing over a lb a week essentially eating whatever I wanted without exercising.
I don’t even know why I stopped. I guess I hated wasting my meal swipes, but I can always use them up when I reach my goal weight later this year. I’d get there faster if I went back to OMAD anyways, especially since I’m running every other day now.
Does anyone else do OMAD in uni? What’s your intake? Do you exercise? When do you eat?
Cereal Hate Thread
/u/nightmaerceci [5'11" | CW: not gonna talk about it | GW: 132]
Created: Sat Sep 15 16:47:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g5pxf/cereal_hate_thread/
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**FUCK CEREAL.**
Cereal is my biggest trigger food and my literal arch nemesis. Not only is it stupidly calorie-dense, no matter how much I eat, I STILL WANT MORE. **It NEVER fucking fills you up, EVER.** EVEN IF YOU EAT THE ENTIRE BOX...ever done that? I HAVE. An entire box of Reese's Puffs. How many calories is that? Try 1400 FUCKING kcal...NOT EVEN COUNTING MILK.
**FUCK CEREAL.**
[Discussion] DAE feel like some of their body parts are too skinny?
/u/sugafreedreams [17M / 181cm 🏳️🌈 HW: 101 (BMI 30.8) / CW: 56 (BMI 17.1)]
Created: Sat Sep 15 16:42:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g5olm/dae_feel_like_some_of_their_body_parts_are_too/
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Even though my BMI of 17.1 isn't shockingly low, I feel like my upper body looks like a BMI of 15 while my lower body looks like a BMI of 20. My arms and collarbones are already getting well into emaciated territory even though my stomach isn't even fully flat and my thighs still spread out really wide when I sit down. The arm situation isn't helped by me having a wide skeletal frame, which makes the larger-than-normal arm joint bulge out compared to how thin the top part of my arm is. There's actually a bone sharply sticking out from the arm joint when you look at it from behind, something that I haven't really seen on anyone else above a BMI of 15. I wish I had a smaller bone structure so I could at least have a really skinny arm that doesn't look bony.
I feel like I can't fully reach what I want to look like without looking like a concentration camp victim from the stomach up, you can already see almost every single one of my ribs no matter how I try to hide them with poses. Even the top part of my spine is starting to permanently stick out, where as before I had to purposefully poke my head out for it to show. Losing even 1-2 more kgs from here would just make it way worse without having much impact on my stomach or legs. Maybe the lower body BMI 20 thing is just body dysmorphia caused by me paying so much attention to those areas, who knows.
[Help] Visiting family full of foodies
/u/lilgreentea
Created: Sat Sep 15 16:42:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g5ogj/visiting_family_full_of_foodies/
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So this coming Thursday I'll be going to visit my family and I'm super nervous. Almost everything we do together somehow involves LOTS of food. I love my family and don't want to spend vacation with then basically alone and totally avoiding food and hanging out, but I'm worried about giving in and just straight up binging for the four days I'm with them. Anyone have any tips?
I purged for the second time ever today
/u/Driftin327
Created: Sat Sep 15 16:38:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g5ni5/i_purged_for_the_second_time_ever_today/
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And it wasn’t even because I ate too much. Tomorrow is my birthday and I kind of gave myself the weekend to eat whatever but then...
I went out with my boyfriend for brunch and when we got back it sort of came out from other roommates that tonight we’re also celebrating another friends engagement. And my roommates girlfriend informed my boyfriend that she wants me to know that “tonight is about (me), friend A and friend B.” ok... and another friend thought it was someone else’s going away party.
It’s my birthday party that I put together. Like, a bunch of people are already coming late because the engaged friends are going out with a bunch of people to celebrate their engagement. And tomorrow we’re all going out for brunch tomorrow to actually celebrate friends A and B. I didn’t want it to be 100% about me but to be informed secondhand that it’s not sucks.
And I already hate my birthday. So I got really really fucking stressed out and upset and threw up everything I’ve eaten today so that I could have something to feel better about. Birthdays might suck but at least there’s nothing in my stomach anymore.
[Discussion] DAE feel like some body parts of them are too skinny?
/u/sugafreedreams [17M / 181cm 🏳️🌈 HW: 101 (BMI 30.8) / CW: 56 (BMI 17.1)]
Created: Sat Sep 15 16:37:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g5n82/dae_feel_like_some_body_parts_of_them_are_too/
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Even though my BMI of 17.1 isn't shockingly low, I feel like my upper body looks like a BMI of 15 while my lower body looks like a BMI of 20. My arms and collarbones are already getting well into emaciated territory even though my stomach isn't even fully flat and my thighs still spread out really wide when I sit down. The arm situation isn't helped by me having a wide skeletal frame, which makes the larger-than-normal arm joint bulge out compared to how thin the top part is. There's actually a bone sharply sticking out from the arm joint when you look at it from behind, something that I really haven't seen on anyone above a BMI of 15. I wish I had a smaller bone structure so I could at least have a really skinny arm that doesn't look bony.
I feel like I can't fully reach what I want to look like without looking like a concentration camp victim from the stomach up, you can already see almost every single one of my ribs no matter how I try to hide them with poses. Even the top part of my spine is starting to permanently stick out, where as before I had to purposefully stick my head out for it to show. Losing even a couple more kgs from here would just make it worse. Maybe the lower body BMI 20 thing is just body dysmorphia caused by me paying so much attention to those areas, who knows.
[Help] Trying not to feel like shit
/u/fawnuss [♡ 5'6" |GW 115|NB| bb demon ♡]
Created: Sat Sep 15 16:30:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g5li0/trying_not_to_feel_like_shit/
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Been doin’ real good lately with being active and low restricting consistently- so I’m trying not to feel bad about the wine and pizza I’m gonna have for dinner with my family.
It’s giving me such freaking anxiety though ugh help.
😞😣😖😓
I weighed myself for the first time in weeks
/u/throwawaysilentcurt [5'5" | CW:127 | GW:105 | lost -72 | 20M]
Created: Sat Sep 15 16:23:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g5jat/i_weighed_myself_for_the_first_time_in_weeks/
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I didn't bring a scale with me back to school because I had been bingeing so much I knew I probably gained like 10 pounds. And I was getting back on track but the last couple days I've been bingeing again.
Today I was in Target and there was a floor model of a scale, and I couldnt resist. In my jeans, sweatshirt, and shoes, and having just chugged a bunch of water, I weighed 131. So maybe I "really" weigh around 125??
I was around 122 before the binge bender this summer. That means I gained a lot less weight than I thought I did. I feel so relieved. I think I need to get a scale again.
2018 has been the worst year of my life
/u/purcell00
Created: Sat Sep 15 15:49:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g5afn/2018_has_been_the_worst_year_of_my_life/
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I can’t stop eating I’m so out of control and I miss my restrictive ED. I legit want to die when I look at old skinny photos of myself I hate myself so much now. Fully want to die 😖😖😖😖
How to get rid of bloat ASAP?
/u/little-paws
Created: Sat Sep 15 15:46:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g59ox/how_to_get_rid_of_bloat_asap/
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I'm feeling so shitty - got down to a new LW and have eaten mostly at maintenance for the past week, except for two big days of food and alcohol.
I am SO BLOATED. I've gained a pound but I just look so disgusting, my belly and my face are so puffy and gross. What can I do to help get rid of it as soon as possible? Thanks!
BMI 16 or under health check-in?
/u/duskedfur [5'7"|CW: 105|16.4|UGW: 100|F]
Created: Sat Sep 15 15:20:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g5326/bmi_16_or_under_health_checkin/
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so i've been within a bmi of 16.1-16.8 (depends on the time and day) for a while now and i wanted to check in with other people with this range or lower because i have a few questions, i've only been this underweight for about a month or so.
1- do you have any health problems specifically related to your weight? i haven't experienced any major issues other than headaches when restricting/fasting, muscle twitches, and an irregular period, but those can happen at any weight. my end goal is to maintain a bmi of 15ish so i'd like to know if there's anything to expect.
2- do you still fast? i never fasted for extended periods of time even when i was at a healthy weight, but fasting makes me a bit more nervous now than it used to. my ED says that i should fast for 3+ days, but the logical part of me knows that's probably not the best idea anymore idk. i've found my sweet spot to be about 40 to 50 hours before i break my fast.
3- what vitamins/supplements do you take, if you take any? i currently take multivitamins, an iron supplement, and a calcium+magnesium+zinc supplement. i try to take these every day but i can't always. do you find that these help you at all?
4- if you're maintaining, how many calories do you try to eat per day? i know every height is different, my TDEE is different from others, but maintenance calories are usually really low at this BMI range. do you find it difficult to maintain?
5- do you plan on losing more? personally, i still don't think i'm quite thin enough, so i would ideally like to lose more. i'm well aware that i am at a much higher risk of health problems but i don't think anyone here is deluding themselves into thinking this is healthy.
[Other] Negative Self Talk
/u/BeginningBarnacle [5'4"|121|-15|F]
Created: Sat Sep 15 14:04:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g4hxc/negative_self_talk/
---
This is definitely therapist couch material, however, I know I’m not alone.
What kinds of things do you say to yourself that impedes your recovery? And what strategies do you employ to counter them? Or have any of you had helpful advice from mental health professional that worked/works for you?
My internal dialogue is generalized self-hatred and doubt in the form of OCD repeating. I swear the worst swear words in my head and when alone, I whisper them. Sometimes it’s four times other times over and over and I’ve ‘let it out’. And when I’m tired/anxious/stressed I’ll randomly cuss people out around me, then I feel terrible because they don’t deserve to be cussed out.
The only strategy I have now is to try and distract myself, breathing counts, sometimes those work(50:50), when I use them.
Funny little tip that helps me: Tell yourself no
/u/ButterflyThin [66" | 177 | 28.68 | -73 | F]
Created: Sat Sep 15 14:02:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g4hbp/funny_little_tip_that_helps_me_tell_yourself_no/
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There is an open bag of potato chips that was given to me by a family member that said they would not eat them. My SO has been taking a serving to work each day but this is a huge family sized bag so it'll last a long time (if I don't touch it). To resist the temptation of eating the ENTIRE bag I have been saying "No" outload to myself every time I reach for it. Something about saying it *out loud* really helps me.
[Rant/Rave] Celebrated my LW with new clothes
/u/thingsarestranger [5’2” | CW:122.9 | GW1:115 | SW:160 | F]
Created: Sat Sep 15 13:58:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g4gch/celebrated_my_lw_with_new_clothes/
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So I hadn’t bought new clothes since I started losing about a year ago and I was 160 then. Pants I had were all tight on me so I chose to start to stop binging everyday and restrict rather than buy new bigger pants. Before I was a size 12. I am down almost 40 pounds so I decided to treat myself to new jeans since all my old ones constantly fall off me and look terrible. guys!!!! I am a size 5! Hopefully these pants will be baggy on me in a few months too. Anyone have any good things happen to them today they’d care to share?
i hit 88lbs
/u/urkillinmesma11s
Created: Sat Sep 15 13:31:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g48rq/i_hit_88lbs/
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i made it.
except... now i feel too thin but i'm still scared of calories to gain a little weight back.😒
New Lows
/u/Could_You_Not [5'7" | CW: 133 | GW: <90 | 20F]
Created: Sat Sep 15 13:22:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g46i6/new_lows/
---
TW: suicide mention, lots of talk of purging
My parents are worried about me killing myself, so I have to come home on weekends when I don't have class. That means that I have to pretend to eat normally in front of them. So some sneaky shit ends up occurring.
Yesterday, everyone but me was out of the house (not a very effective suicide watch if you ask me, but whatever lmao), so I restricted as usual. Except for one difference. I knew that today I would be around my mother all day, so I needed an excuse to not eat. So I played a new card. I intentionally didn't take my pills. When I skip my pills, I always have really bad withdrawals the following day that make me incredibly nauseous, so I could claim that I felt too sick to eat, and if I was made to eat anyways, I could immediately purge and claim it was from the withdrawals.
So I was all prepared for today, but I still had to get through yesterday's dinner. But then my mother informed me that we would be going to a farm that does woodfire pizza for dinner. Pizza always triggers a binge, so this was not ideal for me. But I had to go, and I had to eat so as to not be suspicious, which means I was going to have to purge. There. At a farm.
So that's my new low. Purging in a public outhouse. No flushing available, just throw sawdust over whatever you do.
On the bright side, my pill withdrawal plan has worked so far today, so now I just need to figure out how to get through tomorrow and it's back to regularly scheduled restricting at my apartment on Monday.
Don't know if anyone will read all of this, just kind of wanted to ramble.
[Help] we got an oven
/u/lightningmcqueef69 [5'5.5" | 114.6lbs | 18.78 | 18 | enby 💛]
Created: Sat Sep 15 13:17:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g453z/we_got_an_oven/
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after not having a working one for two years.
i'm excited to be able to bake stuff, but now that we have an oven again(i live with my parents and sister), my mom is really excited to cook. how can i avoid eating what she makes without her noticing??? i feel so guilty but i'm fasting most days and she loves all my biggest fear foods.
usually if someone gives me food, i'll take the plate into my "apartment" (garage half converted into an efficiency) and throw it out or package and refrigerate/freeze it, but i know she's going to want to sit down together for meals again and i'm fucking terrified. please help.
also, sorry for posting so often. i have no one irl (or online other than this sub lol) to vent to.
[Help] JUST A QUICK QUESTION BC I FEEL LIKE I’M DYING
/u/planetskinny
Created: Sat Sep 15 13:17:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g453i/just_a_quick_question_bc_i_feel_like_im_dying/
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okay so.
DAE drink anything with caffeine and/or coffee and their heart feels heavy? like, not beating fast or beating irregular, but you can just /feel/ your heart in your chest?
it’s a very uncomfortable feeling. it’s like that one time i got high and drank a white monster before. it’s the feeling before my heart “fell asleep” and i had a panic attack.
tldr: does anyone else’s heart feel heavy/you can feel it in your chest when you drink caffeine and/or coffee?
[Rant/Rave] Today I Hit 89 Pounds.
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Sat Sep 15 13:16:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g44sg/today_i_hit_89_pounds/
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Can't post stats because I'm on mobile. I'm a 24 year old 5'2 female. The title basically explains it all. I can't believe I finally made it to the 80s. I NEVER thought I would get here. My hard work is paying off, guys!!!
I feel so small and tiny...
But I still have more weight to lose.
[Tip] Red hots in unsweet tea for only 60cal? Yes please
/u/lbrake88
Created: Sat Sep 15 13:14:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g447g/red_hots_in_unsweet_tea_for_only_60cal_yes_please/
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https://i.redd.it/00irk372cgm11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] halo top, how could you do this to me?
/u/lightningmcqueef69 [5'5.5" | 114.6lbs | 18.78 | 18 | enby 💛]
Created: Sat Sep 15 13:13:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g444x/halo_top_how_could_you_do_this_to_me/
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i waited all week to buy a single pint of cinnamon roll halo top. i fasted for 6 days, broke my fast with a light but filling omelette, and waited giddily to get to the grocery store.
i saved my calories for the day to be sure i could enjoy it without guilt.
....it was barely halfway full. still fucking delicious, but i feel betrayed. and how the fuck do i log this?? do i just log the whole pint, or 1 3/4 cups?? :(((
[Help] How much weight could i expect to lose on this diet
/u/citrus_juuiice
Created: Sat Sep 15 13:13:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g441a/how_much_weight_could_i_expect_to_lose_on_this/
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Sunday and Monday: fast
Tuesday:300 calories
Wednesday: 400 calories
Thursday: fast
Friday: 500
I’m trying to lose weight before I go home.
[Rant/Rave] Hahaha, fuck.
/u/michellenemangepas
Created: Sat Sep 15 13:13:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g43wa/hahaha_fuck/
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So I'm on Reddit looking at thinspo and reading ed and fitness shit trying to distract myself from hunger and lightheadedness.
This bitch. Knocks on the door. And is selling chocolate.
Like DUDE PLEASE NO.
That is all lol
[Rant/Rave] People are exhausting but I hate being alone
/u/Wigforfire [5'2 | 100.3 | 18.89 | 30lbs | Female]
Created: Sat Sep 15 13:09:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g431f/people_are_exhausting_but_i_hate_being_alone/
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Is it this way for anyone else? I know it was like this for me when I was heavily restricting but J E S U S!! I have been maintaining just under/above what is considered, for my height and age, underweight and I am so irritable when it comes to dealing with other people and yet I absolutely hate the idea of being alone once people are around, even though they're pissing me off... That's... crazy right? But also I live in a house with 6 people and two dogs and two cats and there is rarely a moment when it can just be me... and it's driving me insane and it makes me so much more tired on top of my disorder.
​
This week alone it has been so much worse because I've gotten a taste for what it's like to actually have the house to myself without my boyfriend's grandfather's TV blaring through our wall at 1000 decimals, what it's like to not have to feel like I'm in anyone's way when I feel like baking or cooking something; what it's like to not have my boyfriend's sister's dog BARKING AT NOTHING because no one is here to trigger his anxiety... I am so productive. I get laundry done, I hold myself accountable for meals, I go for a walk, I bake, I prepare food for lunches, I clean the room, I get dinner prepared for the family, I hold myself accountable for meals... I am just zen and then all of a sudden EVERYONE is back and it's like I hit a brick wall and I want to scream.
​
​
Wednesday, my boyfriend worked long hours and went out with my dad and I didn't have classes and I was so scared of what I would do alone all day after work. I got home, threw in laundry, went for a 4 mile walk, switched the laundry all in less than an hour. Then I had lunch, and watched some supersized vs super skinny (gotta get my fix), folded the laundry from they drier and did another load, baked cookies, made 2 batches of banana nice cream I had been meaning to make, made oatmeal, then proceeded to do homework and cook dinner for my boyfriend's mom without her asking because I love her and she was rushing around. Prepared lunch for my boyfriend and I while his family ate, then sat for dinner myself, then my boyfriend came home and we went to bed. It has been MONTHS since I've been so productive or at least that's how I felt.
​
​
Then yesterday my boyfriend came home from work and we did some homework before going out to dinner. When we got home we started doing homework again and it was just us home, quietly working on homework. Not long after his stepdad came home and has to make commentary on everything that he does and make comments on me/the way I have my backpack (I bring it everywhere so it has books/work/clothes/snacks) and I wanted to be like 'dude it's obvious that neither of us want to talk to you or listen to you talk because I'm reading and he's doing math' but I can't say that. and on top of that he was literally SLURPING his milk. W H Y??
​
​
Today was no different. I woke up at 6:30am after my boyfriend had already left for work and heard that his grandfather was awake which immediately triggered me to be pissed off without any real reason besides feeling like I'm always in the way, or alternatively, I move around so much that he is always in my way/in the bathroom when I need to pee like a mother. But then he went back into his room so I had the freedom I wanted to run up and down the stairs from my fridge to the kitchen to get my breakfast ready. Had breakfast in peace and planned my morning around prepping a good meal for my boyfriend and I for lunch. Put our sheets in the washer, changed them to the drier, then went to the store, bought my boyfriend a card, bought the food to make lunch and even challah bread for my boyfriend to make him french toast sometime this week. I came home and at 10am everyone was still asleep (except his grandfather who was in the basement apartment anyway) so I prepared our lunch and wrapped it up to cook it later, then suddenly everyone had left! And I was home alone so I switched the laundry, and went for a 2.5 mile walk around the neighborhood ensuring my boyfriend had to get a haircut before coming home giving me at least an hour and a half. Walked for a half hour, went showered, and when I went to finish making the bed EVERYONE CAME HOME AT THE SAME TIME and my mood all changed because I went from being able to be productive to being in everyone's way and feeling like an encumbrance. UGH!
​
​
I guess this really doesn't have to do so much with my disorder, more so than it makes me feel more disordered because I like to be around people, certain people, but I'm just lacking the energy to keep up with a household of 6 people and to do dishes because of them, and to not have the freedom to keep laundry in the dryer for a while without someone telling me I need to do it because they need to do laundry, but when I'm alone none of it bothers me and I feel better about eating because I can do it on my time and no one is gonna say anything if I don't eat enough or if I pick at my food, or if it takes me an hour to have a protein shake. U G H! I just need people to be less... energy sucking
​
Any good documentaries/episodes of something on YouTube?? (ED related)
/u/lynnB123
Created: Sat Sep 15 13:08:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g42hq/any_good_documentariesepisodes_of_something_on/
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I’m celebrating hitting a weight goal tonight by indulging in a decadent dinner and dessert and getting high/wine drunk af and want to watch something. I’m weird I know, who here doesn’t watch ED related stuff though
[Help] I’m invited to a birthday brunch tomorrow :(
/u/twa1238 [F25| 158cm | CW 🐄 |]
Created: Sat Sep 15 13:05:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g41rn/im_invited_to_a_birthday_brunch_tomorrow/
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And I don’t want to go.
I’ve been anxious about this the whole week, but now my friend texted me a picture of her fridge and she was so proud of having so much food and obviously I zoomed in but I couldn’t figure out what exactly she bought. I’ve tried to ask her about it without it being too obvious and she just said that’s she’s gonna make a soup with coconut milk (biggest fear food), and a salad with dressing today in preparation.
I plan on getting there a bit too early (“oops,
I thought I’d need longer to get here:)”) to check out the calories on everything before everyone else arrives and she throws out the packaging but ughh
I was hoping there’d be boiled eggs because that’s easy to count but I didn’t see any and I know she always puts a lot of fat in everything she cooks (seriously, I don’t know anyone that uses that much oil!).
And she showed me the drinks... besides all the wine and champagne she only has full fat milk and coke (the real one... with full sugar) and juices... like ... what kind of person does that. It’s okay, I’ll drink water anyway, but WHAT.
Does anyone know how I can be seen eating and not destroy my whole week of restricting?? She plans on having people over ALL DAY but I already said I can’t stay longer than five hours.
LPT: Use Shirataki noodles in veggie spring rolls to make it more filling! Each roll is only 45 calories :)
/u/ignorado [🍑: ignorado]
Created: Sat Sep 15 13:02:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g40vi/lpt_use_shirataki_noodles_in_veggie_spring_rolls/
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https://i.redd.it/71npz9oz9gm11.jpg
Red hots in unsweet tea for only 60 cal and a completely different flavor yes please
/u/lbrake88
Created: Sat Sep 15 12:59:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g4052/red_hots_in_unsweet_tea_for_only_60_cal_and_a/
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https://i.redd.it/imdfn6bj9gm11.jpg
Finally underweight. I thought I would have to get lower
/u/celeryfordinner [5’5” | 113.5| 18.9| -13.5 | f]
Created: Sat Sep 15 12:56:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g3z6g/finally_underweight_i_thought_i_would_have_to_get/
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https://i.redd.it/ghxv4vxx8gm11.jpg
Today I broke restriction and even ate 500cal over maintenance and it felt great!!111
/u/billionsofatoms [5'4"|Walrus|LW: 95lb|GW: 88lb|F]
Created: Sat Sep 15 12:39:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g3up5/today_i_broke_restriction_and_even_ate_500cal/
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...
Just kidding, I feel absolutely miserable and I want to slowly and painfully rip my fatty fatfat adipose tissue off. Gotta love panic attacks induced by eating. Aren't EDs super glamorous, you guys?
[Other] Oof. Here’s an ugly snapshot of a week’s worth of binging. This is really the only place I feel comfortable enough to admit that I’m like this.
/u/aprilfades
Created: Sat Sep 15 12:04:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g3k92/oof_heres_an_ugly_snapshot_of_a_weeks_worth_of/
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https://i.redd.it/3vvpxl0rzfm11.jpg
[Discussion] Fasting... best 6 mile run in forever?
/u/LeithLeoni
Created: Sat Sep 15 11:58:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g3ibm/fasting_best_6_mile_run_in_forever/
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But HOW? I never run. I always do sprints on stairs because running is a drag. Yet today, day 2 on a fast, I easily ran 6.
Not good enough yet
/u/proteinsadness
Created: Sat Sep 15 11:57:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g3hri/not_good_enough_yet/
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Does anyone else take rejection as a sign that they're not in good enough shape yet?
Like I had coffee with someone I really like and it went really well. I asked them out again early this week and they said they were busy.
In my head that could only mean one thing: I'm obviously not skinny or muscular enough yet.
I just want to scream.
[Discussion] Naked vs Clothed
/u/littledahmer
Created: Sat Sep 15 11:43:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g3dxw/naked_vs_clothed/
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I find this really weird, but I'm curious to know if there are others who also think like this.
When I'm naked and I look in the mirror, I feel sexy and I really like the way I look, but when I look in the mirror when I'm fully clothed, I just feel ugly and gross looking. I look fatter, disgusting - I just don't like the way I look in most of my clothes. Am I narcissistic for thinking this way, or is this normal?
[Discussion] Anyone else have wierd "safety" mechanisms?
/u/booberryapocalypse [5'6 | 145 | 23.4| -10lbs | Female]
Created: Sat Sep 15 11:41:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g3dfm/anyone_else_have_wierd_safety_mechanisms/
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So I currently have two safety mechanisms built into my eating disorder that have kept me on track and sane these past few days of restriction (which I'm very new to, previous a binge/purger, haven't had a serious binge in four months, yay me).
First is my iced coffee vanilla smoothie, which I end every day with. Decaf iced coffee, non-sweetened almond milk, half a banana, 1/2 tbsp peanut butter, and a scoop of vanilla protein powder. About 190 calories, but it's thick and creamy, especially if the banana is frozen, and it just kind of sets my nerves at ease. There are days when I'm nervous about having it because in my mind I don't want to waste chewing calories on a drink, but that nervousness translates into a mindfulness while drinking the shake, so I take my time and really taste it no matter what. After it's done, I'm always calm and never feel like I'll fall into a binge trap, simply because my mind space is different. Plus it's something to take my pills with (fat soluble electrolytes).
Second safety mechanism- weighing myself in my sweat pants. I KNOW I KNOW, it's adding an unknown number to my weight. But I recently came down from a series of mini-binges after a LONG FAST (got down to 61.2kg, felt amazing, haven't seen it in two weeks). Now I average between 63.6-63.3, which is a serious 2kg up, I know, but the fact that I'm seeing that number while in sweat pants gives me this hope that I might actually have already gotten to that lower number. I'm gonna keep weighing myself in sweatpants until I'm really close to a breakthrough goal OR one day the number that shows up is just discouraging as fuck and then TADA my trump card! It gives me an extra something to look forward to, and then when I DO see my weight drop, I can say "woah, that's even with my sweat pants on!"
Anyone else have weird little things like that, that break the 'rules' of an eating disorder, but are still helpful?
[Rant/Rave] When I was at my smallest
/u/SkinnyFatActually [5’2”|cw 105lb|gw 99lb|Lw 89lbs|-5| F]
Created: Sat Sep 15 11:35:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g3bvz/when_i_was_at_my_smallest/
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I hated it. It was on accident, because I was a depressed pothead going through some major life changes that were pretty scary. Everybody told me I looked awful and sickly and needed to gain weight. I didn’t really feel ugly until they started telling me that. Then all i could see was bones and sickness. I didn’t feel sexy or feminine.
I found some pictures of me from that time (or around that time). I looked fine. Thin, but not like I was dying. I looked feminine enough.
https://imgur.com/a/jfpJRqQ (fyi I have no clue how much I weigh in these pictures. The top two are from 2010 (21 yrs old) and I don’t *think* I was underweight then. The bottom four I think we’re from around 2007 (18 yrs old) when I was probably underweight but I don’t think it’s very noticeable except for maybe my arms and wrists and my hips in the swing picture. I don’t think it looks bad or unhealthy.)
Ok now back to my life story lol. I was so happy after I had my son that I was able to retain that extra 10 lbs that I “needed”, which then turned into 15 lbs after I stopped breastfeeding. And at 110lbs I felt ok-ish...but then I crept up to 112 and I didn’t like the way I looked anymore. Still smallish but bigger belly and even a little double chin. I looked into calorie deficit and fasting and have doing that ever since (not realizing that those things were how I accidentally lost weight the first time from doing OMAD).
So yeah, now I think about food a lot more, and eat a lot less of it. I’ve been really happy because I feel like it’s something I’m good at, and I’m not very good at very many things. I don’t know if I have an ED. I felt that maybe I did after I found this sub because I related to everything so much, and because the last month I’ve been restricting and fasting more than ever. But I really don’t know. I don’t like my body, but I’ve never really liked it. It looks fine with clothes on. I also don’t know that many people who love their body. Most of the people I know, thin or fat, talk about their bodies in a negative light, so it makes me think I’m pretty normal. I’m honestly more concerned about my drinking issues than if I’m losing weight for an unhealthy reason or not doing it right.
I hope that when I get to my goal weight I’ll want to maintain but I’m not too worried about it yet. Even if I change my goal from 99 to 95, I think my frame and the way I hold my weight (I look heavier than I am) it will be ok (my lowest weight was 89lbs, probably not that weight in any of the pictures though, more like 95, maybe). I’m going to take my vitamins, drink my water and tea and intermittent fast while eating at a (in my opinion, not dangerous) deficit. It’s one thing in my life that I can really control (I know that’s super cliche when talking about disordered eating, but it really is the thing that makes me so happy). Because I have a 6 year old son, it is important to me that I’m not killing my self. I hope I will be able to tell if/when this gets to be something that will take a toll on my health.
I’m starting to think that I don’t actually have an ED. I’ve never been diagnosed (except the Anorexia when I lost weight and couldn’t figure out why. But not anorexia nervosa). I took some online tests today, and was as honest as possible and one said “you may be at risk” and the other said “low risk”. Which was a relief because it makes me think that I’m still in an ok place. Maybe there’s something that I don’t think or feel that is required in order to have an ED that i don’t have.
Thanks for reading, i just needed to get some of these thoughts out since I have nobody to talk to about what I’m going through.
Also i hope nobody is offended by me flippantly talking about whether or not I think I have an ED. I don’t think ED’s are trendy or cool, nor do I think they’re something anybody should be ashamed of. The only reason I hope I don’t have an eating disorder (other than the fact that it’s a very scary thing to go through mentally and physically, and I’m not sure I’m strong enough to go through it) is because of my son. I have a debilitating fear of being an unfit or mentally ill mother (which is probably GAD, ironically enough).
I also want to reiterate that in no way do I feel that people with mental disorders or EDs are bad or unfit parents. It’s my own bullshit that I lay on myself and has to do with childhood stuff and other things. The feelings I have about it are uncontrollable and placed on me by myself, towards myself. I hope that makes sense!
If you’ve made it to the end, thank you so much for reading. It feels good to talk about these things. I have nobody to talk to. My family and friends are lovely and I don’t want to worry them with this part of my life.
[Rant/Rave] Two day binge and I LOST weight??
/u/rattles-snakes
Created: Sat Sep 15 11:31:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g3aoe/two_day_binge_and_i_lost_weight/
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Thursday I hit a new low weight, a number I haven't seen in about a year. Since then I've eaten an extra 1-2,000 calories a day to curb alcohol cravings during a turbulent time.
This morning& afternoon my binge began to wind down, I was back to eating when hungry rather than when feeling empty/all the time.
This morning I had gained 1.8kg from binge eating. This evening, having had mc donalds fries, cheesy fries, spinach mashed potato*, AND crackers. I weighed .4 kg less than this morning when I got in.
TMI but no BM, not more than 10,000 steps, or anything that should explain a 1 pound shift in 8 hours while eating heavy calorie dense carbs.
I can go days fasting and not lose what I lost over eating and not purging today.
Wtf body.
*can you tell how much I like potatos?
Gums bleeding after purging
/u/lizbites
Created: Sat Sep 15 11:30:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g3aaa/gums_bleeding_after_purging/
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Has anyone been able to protect their teeth effectively while/after purging?
Normally I rinse my mouth out with mouthwash immediately afterwards, then drink water/Gatorade/something with electrolytes for 15-30mins and then I brush my teeth normally.
But today when I went to rinse my mouth out, I spit and there was, like, a shocking amount of blood dripping from my gums....
[Goal] What are your measurements and goals?
/u/ImKindaFatOof
Created: Sat Sep 15 11:18:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g377d/what_are_your_measurements_and_goals/
---
My current measurements last time I checked (3 weeks ago somehow) are 130lbs, 5 foot 3, 42-30-40 and my thighs are 25 inches.
When I was 80lbs, I was 36-22-36 and my thighs were around 16 inches. That is my current goal.
ASMR mukbangs!!!
/u/BEDBulimic [153cm | CW: 55.8 | GW1: 55 | -8.2 | 20F]
Created: Sat Sep 15 11:17:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g36tk/asmr_mukbangs/
---
I hate normal mukbangs, 10000000 calorie challenges and competitive eaters on youtube because they trigger my b/p cycles SO BAD. Like I’ll literally start craving whatever they eat and start joining them. Seeing the amount they eat feels like it gives me free license like “I’m not that bad” (((lies)))
BUT asmr mukbangs are the shit???
- no random chitchat or aggravating “wHaT’s uP gUys” or annoying royalty-free music in the background. If there’s any talks, only whispers please
- there’s some fucked up part of me that enjoys thinking how many cals they’re consuming, that I’m not consuming so I win in my imaginary ED game. Especially satisfying when they finish the huge dish completely.
- kudos if they’re eating it with a neutral/normal expression bcos it makes me writhe seeing youtubers eat orgasmically (ie. nicokado avocado... no hate but I can’t stand it)
- extra kudos if they’re eating it with big, almost-pained bites... i feel ya
- love it when they’re eating at a slow pace and the mic is amazing quality: it’s kinda grounding, it’s like I can vicariously eat through them without the dissociative binge mode haze
I’ve been loving [Keemi ASMR](https://m.youtube.com/channel/UC5wwiM659vjvKNvP63cPoaQ) and these ASMR cooking/baking videos that have a soft aesthetic and have no music or talking (can’t recall their names rn but if I find them I’ll link!)
How do y’all feel about them? Any recs?
[Discussion] After period...
/u/moonchldx [5'1'' | 114.4 | 21.7 | -11lbs | F | ]
Created: Sat Sep 15 11:10:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g34q7/after_period/
---
DAE wait to weigh themselves after their period is over or throughout it?
I try to weigh myself the day before or day of, then I try to wait to weigh myself (if I CAN wait...)
I want to wait till the end this time because yesterday felt like a binge for me (being the 1st day) I ate below maintenance too so it shouldn’t affect me but it does...
xx
Need some help/advice
/u/biciklici
Created: Sat Sep 15 11:00:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g31rh/need_some_helpadvice/
---
Hey,i already posted this to another sub and apparently i cant copy paste it here
Anyways, i need some advice on how to tell my boyfriend that i indeed have anorexia.
I am currently at 45kg/99pnds and i relly look sick/malnourished. Today when we were on a coffee we were talking and all of a suddem he asked me if i have bulimia or anorexia. I got scared and told him no right away and i changed the topic.
Later today, he asked me to visit him for the dinner and he described the ingredient to me and how much of the stuff is going to be on one plate. I feel like he realized i am sick and i need some help now about how to start that topic with him.
I feel like that if i told him that i am anorexic that he will be dissapointed and want me to recover. I dont want to recover. We are really good and we tell each other everything and i really trust him, he trusts me too. I know this is a big thing and i cant keep it hidden from him forever and i know i must tell him, sooner or later.
How do i start that conversation?
Thank you and stay safe♡
BBC: Kate Moss Regrets “Nothing Tastes as Good as Skinny Feels”
/u/sugar-free_sam
Created: Sat Sep 15 10:59:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g31n1/bbc_kate_moss_regrets_nothing_tastes_as_good_as/
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https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/newsbeat-45522714
[Rant/Rave] Plateau sadness
/u/bbdoc826
Created: Sat Sep 15 10:19:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g2px9/plateau_sadness/
---
I haven’t lost any weight in a week - hoping it is just my period coming or some water weight from starting personal training (or maybe need to do a colon cleanse...), but it is so frustrating! I eat under 700 calories usually around 500 and usually burn 800-1100 calories a day, but this week excessive squats with PT left me incapacitated and I missed multiple days of working out - even though still 500-700 calories the scale has only gone up and I’m getting so depressed about it. I lost 80 pounds in the last 5 months but still have more to lose - my body can’t give up now! Have eaten a little more for a couple days to try to boost metabolism
But have had no whoosh this time around :(
Anyone else feeling my pain?
[Goal] Hit my woosh?!? Bitch wft
/u/damnbitchimfatasf [5'4 | 27.5bm| 23lbs | female ]
Created: Sat Sep 15 10:09:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g2msc/hit_my_woosh_bitch_wft/
---
Ummm dropped 4 pounds yesterday like out of nowhere??? Bitch wtf thank you god
I'm just so lost.
/u/-humanbean
Created: Sat Sep 15 09:59:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g2jga/im_just_so_lost/
---
Hi all, i'm a long time lurker and first time poster. Something happened this morning and its made me see maybe I have a problem surrounding my eating/weight. I'm 5'4 in height and have always been a bit funny about my body.
A bit of context- My parents separated a few years back and I was in a relationship with a VERY abusive and hateful man. I got myself up to 13.01 stone, which is around 182 in pounds I think..
I wanted to die, I cut myself repeatedly and ate anything and everything to try to fill how empty I felt. I had no friends and people treated me like shit, like I didn't matter..
Fast forward to 2018, I now weigh around 9 stone/just below on a good day. I don't really eat during the day, just black coffee and cigs but I smoke weed in the evening and have a meal then at around 5/6pm- my issue is it can sometimes turn into a binge of snacks after I eat my meal. But thus far I'm doing okay, I wish I was thinner but I figured everyone felt that way. But it's gotten to the point where I am terrified of gaining.. I want to LOSE.
My current boyfriend is amazing, doesn't put me down or make me feel bad about my body like the last one did. But I feel like i'm making him sad because he knows i'm starving a lot of the time. Does anyone else get snappy and short tempered with people when they are fasting? Anyways, to conclude..
I feel like i'm developing an eating disorder but I don't want to be disrespectful to those who are diaognosed. I feel so fucking fat and gross. Even scrolling on this sub and seeing how light everyone is makes me feel not even worthy of saying i'm struggling. I'm still not little. I want to be frail and dainty and cute and light as air..
But I feel like a chubby, frumpy loser who can't even starve right. I can see bones but it's just not enough. I don't know why I posted this, I feel alone, weak, lost, lightheaded and I just wanted someone to talk to, I'm trying to avoid going back to self harm.
In a nutshell..
*TDLR* Former obese girl (I) struggle with idea that I have an eating disorder, even though I'm sure deep down I do.. Because i'm not small enough. I just wanted to talk to someone, no one understands.
Excuse me, I’m trying to live vicariously through you. I’m gonna need details.
/u/traashpanda
Created: Sat Sep 15 09:38:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g2duv/excuse_me_im_trying_to_live_vicariously_through/
---
https://i.redd.it/4wgap18o9fm11.jpg
[Discussion] My boyfriend gives me junk food
/u/Yoni1660
Created: Sat Sep 15 09:36:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g2dcp/my_boyfriend_gives_me_junk_food/
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I love my boyfriend to death but he always gives me pizza or candy and I feel bad turning him down. It’s always at the end of the day too so I don’t have any calories left. He also wants to go out to eat like one every other week and it’s so STRESSFUL.
I wrote a short thing: "The Lie"
/u/DinosaursAndStarStuf [5'3.5| 104.6| 18.2| 31F]
Created: Sat Sep 15 09:35:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g2cx0/i_wrote_a_short_thing_the_lie/
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There may be a lie, I fear. I wear it, I project it, I live inside it. I whisper it silently to myself, I say it to the skinny girl in the mirror. (But is she really skinny?) I've not convinced myself that it really is a lie:
"I'm fine. I know what I'm doing. I'm in control. You don't have to worry about me."
I’m housebound and as sedentary as one could possibly get. Is high restricting even going to produce results?
/u/dxylightt [short | 125 | GW: 95 | F]
Created: Sat Sep 15 09:33:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g2ckb/im_housebound_and_as_sedentary_as_one_could/
---
I know this is an idiotic question and if someone else in my situation were to tell me they’re eating 700-1000 calories a day, I’d obviously be like “Duh, you’re going to lose weight.” But, I still have a hard time wrapping my head around that I’ll lose weight since I don’t leave the house (agoraphobia), I’m pretty short (5’2), and am too lazy to exercise.
I pretty much just sit in my room all day aside from the occasional walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Weighing myself *always* triggers me to binge, so I really do my best to avoid the scale and just go by how my clothes are fitting.
I’m finally breaking out of a year long (yep) binge cycle, and the sweet spot for me lately seems to be 700-1000 cals a day with the occasional 1200. Anyone else who is short and completely sedentary still receive noticeable results on a higher restrictive intake before? I’m worried that it’s going to take forever to get to my GW this way.
[Help] Birth Control
/u/eva1588
Created: Sat Sep 15 09:22:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g29p0/birth_control/
---
I decided to go on birth control to get the body composition I wanted. I was on it for years and it made me look more feminine overall, and I was still thin. Just gave me a better waist hip ratio and bigger boobs. I got back on it again and I don't know if I like what it is doing to me. Its been about 2 months and I see the changes, but it did change my appetite, making me more hungry at times and not hungry at all at other times. I also haven't been able to get good sleep on it. Has anyone here got on birth control while trying to loose? How do you deal?
[Rant/Rave] I just don't care about food right now
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2 | 148 | Aiming for 146 by 9/25 | -12| f21]
Created: Sat Sep 15 09:19:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g28ow/i_just_dont_care_about_food_right_now/
---
I feel like something is wrong with me because I ALWAYS obsess over food. I'm not hungry, I don't want to meal plan, I don't want to cook. I just want to avoid it completely, been like this the last few days. It's a struggle to eat even 800 and I know that's my lower limit for a reason but why eat more if I don't want it?
I think my anxiety has morphed into apathy or something.
[Discussion] What counts as a relapse to you?
/u/grapedates
Created: Sat Sep 15 08:52:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g21lf/what_counts_as_a_relapse_to_you/
---
Some background- I had eating issues in high school- lots of binging/purging, lax abuse, heavy restriction, exercise obsession. I spent the first 2 years of college eating relatively normally, but I’ve found myself restricting again, I’ve only purged a couple times and I’m not really exercising.
My question is- what counts as a relapse anyway?
[Rant/Rave] I feel... small? maybe?
/u/grapedates
Created: Sat Sep 15 08:37:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g1xtq/i_feel_small_maybe/
---
MY STATS:
HEIGHT: 5’4”
HW: 134.5 CW: 117.2 GW:110 UGW:100
Age 20
This’s very stream-of-consciousness so bear with me-
It’s weird. I can’t decide if I think I’m small or not. Sure, I wear size small- sometimes? Other times I wear size XL. None of my jeans fit because every time I go to buy them, I freak out and think I’m a bigger size than I really am.
But back to today- I think I’m feeling small? I look at my thighs and they look smaller (possibly). The gap is there without forcing it. 2 years ago I don’t think I could say the same thing (at 134). BUT my stomach is still the same weird fatty shape that it was before. Not flat, a bump under my belly button that will never go away. But still I feel small?
I’m drinking my coffee and smoking my weed thinking about what I could eat today. I have been liquid fasting for approx. 36 hours. Do I even want to break the fast? I feel like I could keep going. But if I do that I risk binging once I come out of the fast. I’m thinking of eating something around 3 pm. That gives me only about half the day to eat. Trying to stay below 800 cals- but that’s not hard for me anymore. I have all my safe foods I could want in my apartment and absolutely no junk. Anything I could binge on is low enough calories that I will probably get full before going calorie crazy.
Body dysmorphia is a bitch and a half. But thankfully, at least for right now, I don’t feel huge.
ELI5 pros and cons of different sweeteners?
/u/BEDBulimic [153cm | CW: 55.8 | GW1: 55 | -8.2 | 20F]
Created: Sat Sep 15 08:32:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g1wbs/eli5_pros_and_cons_of_different_sweeteners/
---
Ya girl has a major sweet tooth and I’ve only tried a few different types of artificial sweeteners but honestly idek the difference between them?
I’m not worried about the whole debate on whether it spikes your insulin stuff.
But like taste-wise? Which types make you bloated and gassy? Which give ya the runs? Which has an after-taste for you?
[Rant/Rave] Drank a Coke Zero instead of binged and woke up to a new LW!!!
/u/thingsarestranger [5’2” | CW:122.9 | GW1:115 | SW:160 | F]
Created: Sat Sep 15 08:28:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g1vfz/drank_a_coke_zero_instead_of_binged_and_woke_up/
---
Really proud of myself, even tho I got rly off track the first two weeks of September I’m finally back down to my LW and reached an ever lower weight. Still a ways to go but every pound is just a little closer. Goal is to be 118 or below by the end of the month. This way it’s only 3 pounds off my goal for the month. Anyone else reach their LW (which isn’t even underweight) and suddenly find it so hard to not binge??? Bc lately that’s me and I’ve been considering having a maintenance day but I know it’ll just turn into a binge bc I have no self control.
Edit: might celebrate by letting myself b/p a slushee later lmao my new obsession
SCHOOL IS HERE AND I'M UNABLE TO RESTRICT, HELP
/u/depression_butterfly
Created: Sat Sep 15 08:15:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g1rxx/school_is_here_and_im_unable_to_restrict_help/
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I feel so fucking disgusting all the time because I need to lose weight like I'm actually overweight. But I use food as motivation to study which is so bad. Even worse, I feel like I cannot function in school while I'm hungry like I have really low energy and I'm unable to sit down and study. My issue is I'm not eating healthy food either. I was restricting pretty well during the summer but I completely fell off the boat and its hard to get back on.
​
This is seriously depressing the fuck out of me, I feel so hopeless about my weight loss. Thankfully I have not gained anything, but I'm now stuck on the same weight I was when school started
Does eating a cheat meal really help a plateau?
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | CW: 114 | GW:105 | UGW 100 | F]
Created: Sat Sep 15 08:06:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g1pa5/does_eating_a_cheat_meal_really_help_a_plateau/
---
I’ve been stuck at 114 since Wednesday even thought I’ve fasted and eaten less than 500 calories a day. I’m afraid to spike calories and eat more. But I really wanna get past 114. My body stalled at 114 last time and took some heavy restricting to get below it. So would eating a cheat meal really help?
[Discussion] Trigger warning - I like being like this
/u/just-average1
Created: Sat Sep 15 07:03:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g1ar8/trigger_warning_i_like_being_like_this/
---
Restriction was at around 800 now at 650-700 and I feel amazing. I love being cold, I love feeling light. I love how fast I am losing weight.
Anyone else feel like they don’t want to “get better”?
[Help] I need motivation and help
/u/CoffeeAndArt
Created: Sat Sep 15 07:02:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g1ajy/i_need_motivation_and_help/
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So I'm going to Japan in less than a month and at the start of the year I was motivated to get down to 55kg by then, because I'm going to look like a literal whale next to the average Japanese citizen and I know that will send me into a very dark spiral. But since I'm a depressed piece of shit with bulimia and binge eating disorder I only lost like 6 kilos.
I want to lose at least 3 more kilos before October 1st but I'm just so dead that I can't seem to care enough until it's too late and I've binged and I'm hating myself even more. On top of that I work at a cafe with constant temptations and my partner always gets me to eat, especially junk food.
I know I may be a lost cause but can anyone help to make me motivated more consistently and to binge less and deal with being hungry better? Also any fast weight loss tips would be greatly appreciated!
[Help] I'm ill and I can't stop eating
/u/damnitjanet6 [5"5'| BMI 24.8 | -47lbs| 🍑 damnitjanet6 | 20F]
Created: Sat Sep 15 06:59:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g19m5/im_ill_and_i_cant_stop_eating/
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I have flu and I'm basically stuck in bed. Everything hurts. I keep shoving food into my stupid fat face. I'm way over my tdee and I can't exercise because hooooly shit everything hurts to move. Oh god. Ow. Kill me please.
Feeling proud
/u/iron_blanket
Created: Sat Sep 15 06:42:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g16aa/feeling_proud/
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I'm hungover and got a massive urge to binge on junk. I tried to drink tea and it didn't work, so I thought fuck it I'm going to go to the supermarket and spend 20 quid on cheap desserts, chocolate and sweets and shove it all my mouth like an animal.
As I was walking there I was hating myself so much. As soon I got in I was confronted with a girl who was tiny skinny, like absolute goals, she had a crazy thigh gap and wrists so danty. She was buying a huge binge haul for herself. I could tell it was for only her. I recognised the expression on her face and it resonated with me. She looked defeated and ashamed, knowing what was coming.
It made me stop in my tracks. I don't want to be in that place too. I decided that I was still going to buy food, but instead of doing a binge on high cal food I will eat low cal instead and still get high volume. I can get that uncomfortable full feeling without eating 5000 calories. So I bought all safe foods.
I have consumed 430 calories, which I prefer I hadn't but it's sooooo much better than what could have been.
In a moment of feeling out of control I made the right decisions and I'm really proud of myself. Considering how much self loathing I had before walking to the supermarket and the fact I've just stuffed my face, I actually feel really positive.
Just thought I'd share 💙
[Other] Having a party this evening and feeling like Prince Gristle from Trolls.
/u/dansla116 [5'9" | 137.6 | 20.3 | -17.4 | M]
Created: Sat Sep 15 06:29:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g13nd/having_a_party_this_evening_and_feeling_like/
---
https://i.imgur.com/XIKA7vM.gifv
Yo I need me some lunches....
/u/DaddyBlueD
Created: Sat Sep 15 06:25:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g12rk/yo_i_need_me_some_lunches/
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So currently my lunch is 1 cup of whatever cereal we have in the house (Honey bunches of oats & special k protein original) and my mom wants me to bring more but I absolutely hate bringing large containers to school, its an embarrassing feeling for me... (anyone else like that?) So anyone got any easy to bring lunches that are at least under 300 cal? Maybe something with oats? Cause I have a shit ton of them. Thank you!
[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! September 15, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Sep 15 06:11:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g0zxy/stupid_questions_saturday_september_15_2018/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for September 15, 2018.
Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.
Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**
*****
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
Daily Food Diary! September 15, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Sep 15 06:10:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g0zrk/daily_food_diary_september_15_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for September 15, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Rant/Rave] Off topic, but not really
/u/_Pulltab_ [5' 7| CW 165.4 | BMI 25.9 | -30.6 | F]
Created: Sat Sep 15 05:21:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g0qqt/off_topic_but_not_really/
---
Without going into details: my husband and I agreed to a course of action, I was stuck trying to figure something out related to that plan and asked him to take it on. Without discussing it with me, he completely course reversed and changed everything which, in the great scheme of things is not a big deal. But it has me spinning out so hard that I’ve decided I am going to go on a hunger strike today.
Because minor issues that have not a fucking thing to do with food warrant starving myself over.
And, he probably won’t even notice so I’ll be seething and miserable all day in silence.
Soooooo much common sense.
DAE use mfp just for like breakfast lunch and drinks
/u/Sb22312 [170 cm| 134 | 21.05|-16lb]
Created: Sat Sep 15 05:03:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g0nuw/dae_use_mfp_just_for_like_breakfast_lunch_and/
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So living with my parents and family this summer while still restricting . I haven't been able to control my dinner as they cook it . So I've been setting a limit of 400 for meals that aren't dinner and it's quite helpful because then it stops me freaking out in general over what they cook making me go over my limit
My mom just barged in the bathroom while I was getting out of the shower..
/u/min_imalist [♪ h: 5'0 | cw: 65lbs | bmi: 12.5 | F ♪]
Created: Sat Sep 15 04:46:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g0l2s/my_mom_just_barged_in_the_bathroom_while_i_was/
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... I was completely naked, with a tiny towel in hand that would cover only a part of me.
Without thinking, I covered my stomach first.
I think it really says a lot.
Fav Restaurant was unexpectedly closed, now what?
/u/Doctordoomduck
Created: Sat Sep 15 03:55:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g0ci0/fav_restaurant_was_unexpectedly_closed_now_what/
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Fasted the whole day so I could go get a burger at a local diner, turns out they’re closed. Not sure why, Facebook told me nothing.
Now I’ve got 1,000 calories saved up for basically nothing.
[Rant/Rave] Spiraling—Trauma: new and improved go fuck yourself edition.
/u/bizzarepeanut
Created: Sat Sep 15 03:11:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g05h5/spiralingtrauma_new_and_improved_go_fuck_yourself/
---
I have been in recovery from anorexia for 7 years now. But if I’m being honest more like 4 years.
I keep getting these fucking thoughts lately that I haven’t had with this frequency in years. I know I’m under a lot of stress right now and I know that stress, anxiety, depression, helplessness, and loss of control trigger my ED because it was my coping mechanism for a long time while dealing with trauma and guess what just got dragged up into the overcast daylight: surprise it’s your trauma again. But this time you have to deal with fixing everything for everyone else and nobody cares about you so hey be an adult and also fuck you nobody gives a shit about you. And in addition to that we are all going to pretend it never happened to you because it is happening to me and the way I would look to other people for not protecting you as a child is more important to me than you. 😂
It’s just that even though I KNOW IT IS HAPPENING AND I KNOW WHY I can’t seem to fucking stop the automatic thoughts. The subconscious restriction. I have always been petite, I have always had a small appetite even before my ED. I have to eat small amounts and frequently because I literally get physically “I feel like I’m dying—this is my last will and testament” sick if I eat too much so it’s always been hard to keep and put on weight.
The there is the fact that I have no idea how much I weigh because my very well-meaning boyfriend (of 8 years) knows about my struggles and knows my obsessive scale tendencies so he hasn’t allowed one in the house for over 5 years since we have lived together. He even went behind my back once when we had our previous roommate. The roommate had put a scale in the bathroom shortly after he moved in. I had noticed.... obviously 💁🏻♀️. And the next day it was gone. I didn’t find out until months later when it came up that my boyfriend had kindly asked him to remove it and keep it in his bedroom because he didn’t want a scale in the bathroom to trigger my inevitable nervous breakdown because I am obviously a fragile hand-blown glass champagne flute waiting to be tipped over so I can shatter. (Re-reading this I sound like an asshole. He was just trying to be thoughtful and cautious and may have been right but I just wish I had been conferred with.) While I appreciated the thought and the foresight I wish he would have checked with me before putting my ED on display to a person I barely new (though the previous roommate and I are good friends now it was still embarrassing to know I was being treated like a misbehaving child in hushed tones.)
I digress, so I know I have been stressed which kills my appetite which in turn makes me lose weight which after -5lbs makes me spiral which in turn makes me isolate which I am already doing. Regardless of not having a scale I have certain tells when I lose more than that amount (mostly the way my work clothes fit since I wear them most days) and I can tell it is starting and I’ve had a really hard fucking year and this is the ABSOLUTE LAST FUCKING THING I NEED RIGHT NOW. I know I’ve been physically and mentally in recovery before and I know that it’s possible but I also know how fucking hard it was for the first 3 years and just don’t think I can do that shit again. I’m so lost and helpless and I don’t know what to fucking do. If this is happening then it might as well be a fucking death sentence.
[Rant/Rave] So I caught bf texting another girl sexually and now I’m triggered
/u/Rosebug1717
Created: Sat Sep 15 02:46:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9g01cc/so_i_caught_bf_texting_another_girl_sexually_and/
---
Yep. They were sexting and I snooped and found it on Snapchat. She he had a gf and even mentioned multiple times. He instigated the whole thing too. I haven’t eaten in 3 days. Hopefully I’ll reach my goal weight faster now.
[Help] Will my meds make me gain weight?
/u/wannathrowyouaway
Created: Sat Sep 15 02:26:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fzy7h/will_my_meds_make_me_gain_weight/
---
Not only do I have an eating disorder, I also have OCD and depression. I take zoloft and abilify and I'm seeing some improvements, but I read they can cause weight gain and now I'm considering just stopping taking them.
[Discussion] Anyone have any experiences/reviews of ‘Slim’ foods?
/u/innocentkitty [5'1.5 | CW: 90 | 17.0 | GW: 85]
Created: Sat Sep 15 02:17:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fzwqp/anyone_have_any_experiencesreviews_of_slim_foods/
---
https://i.redd.it/nfxhyovv2dm11.jpg
[Discussion] Cool stuff to buy in France?
/u/geisteslos
Created: Sat Sep 15 02:14:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fzwa0/cool_stuff_to_buy_in_france/
---
Hey!
I'm currently on my way on a day trip to France, and we're going to go grocery shopping there. I'm hoping to find some cool low calorie stuff, or just things that are incredibly good and worth the cals lol.
To the French people on here (are you there?),
What are your go to low or zero calorie foods and snacks you can get from a Carrefour market?
I see many cool things from the US here, and maybe there's some similar things in French supermarkets? Idk. Any ideas on what to buy there?
Thank you! :D
I purged at my friends
/u/iron_blanket
Created: Sat Sep 15 02:14:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fzw9l/i_purged_at_my_friends/
---
As I walked out. She said I heard what you were doing in there.
I froze. Fuck! I didn't realise I was even being loud.
She said I heard how many times you flushed the toilet.... Couldn't get that huge poo to go down huh? And then just burst out laughing
Hahaha kind of gross but I'm relieved she just thinks i take huge dumps instead of making myself throw up
[Help] DAE have stretch marks from weight loss?
/u/Butterfly_Rose
Created: Sat Sep 15 02:09:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fzvjo/dae_have_stretch_marks_from_weight_loss/
---
I woke up this morning and there they were on my hip. I'm freaking out. I'm crying. I have to leave the house soon but I feel so disgusting.
Where have they come from??
Is this punishment for eating some potato wedges? Should I just never eat again?
Has anyone else experienced this? Wtf should I do I'm just getting uglier by the minute.
[Discussion] Anyone else have a tanita scale analyzer done? Interesting.
/u/pixie342
Created: Sat Sep 15 01:45:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fzron/anyone_else_have_a_tanita_scale_analyzer_done/
---
https://i.redd.it/66w9m946xcm11.jpg
Recovery???
/u/narkreturn
Created: Sat Sep 15 01:27:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fzora/recovery/
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Is it recovery if I stop counting calories and skipping meals but make sure I have a small lunch, dinner and a small snack after dinner?? Like the day total would be 800-1200 max. But it would stop my binge restrict cycle and force me to stop skipping lunch. Is this what recovery is?
I want to lose weight still but I want to get over my anxiousness towards eating and calories.
[Rant/Rave] Even at my lowest I was never really skinny.
/u/Coldcoffeepls
Created: Sat Sep 15 01:05:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fzkxh/even_at_my_lowest_i_was_never_really_skinny/
---
I guess for context when I was at my skinniest and arguably healthiest (meant more in the working out sense) I was 106 pounds and 5’2. Now that was like maybe 5 years ago. Anyways I’m like 20 now and 135.5, ugh I’m so fat it makes me cry (although I have lost 7 pounds in the last 4 weeks). And I just go back and look at pictures I have from when I was skinnier and I just think about how even when I was at my skinniest I was never even that skinny. Like all my taller friends had thinner legs than me and it just makes me feel like shit. I just want to be able to have small thighs and clearly there ankle bones without anyone commenting anything. I just want to have small legs and arms and a tiny waist.
I guess I’ll just restrict all day tomorrow and tell my boyfriend that I ate before I left to see him. Hopefully I don’t pass out tomorrow.
I love refusing to let people buy me calories.
/u/kenakinns [5'5" |114.6 | 19.1 BMI |-24 lbs | Female]
Created: Sat Sep 15 00:05:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fzaic/i_love_refusing_to_let_people_buy_me_calories/
---
“No, thank you. I just ate.”
[Discussion] Does anyone else get obsessed with the skinniness of their hands/fingers/wrists?
/u/pinkribbon007
Created: Fri Sep 14 23:51:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fz7ug/does_anyone_else_get_obsessed_with_the_skinniness/
---
https://i.redd.it/xn36xqusccm11.jpg
Anyone else began to be a less picky eater?
/u/AspergersAndCoffee [5'2F | Last recorded weight 93 | SW 100 | Starting therapy soon]
Created: Fri Sep 14 23:47:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fz7ai/anyone_else_began_to_be_a_less_picky_eater/
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Before my ED, my busy mom would either leave me some money to order food or a meal she'd make for me to nuke.
I usually didn't eat her food and just bought random junk such as candy, potato chips or a bar of chocolate, ate it and called it lunch (I still don't know how was I only 100lb at my HW lol). Now, I think about the food she made for me and think I'd eat that.
I also began to love bread, peanut butter, oatmeal, raisins, cake, semolina pudding, any good, greasy meal my grandma makes... While all those stuff were either eww or meh.
I also fantasize about binging on nuts and banana chips 24/7, and even though I always loved Nutridrinks (Ensure but sold in Poland, smaller bottles and more calorific) now I treat them like Ambrosia and feel sacred if I allow myself one.
Found some old pics from when I was thinner
/u/SkinnyFatActually [5’2”|cw 105lb|gw 99lb|Lw 89lbs|-5| F]
Created: Fri Sep 14 23:47:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fz78g/found_some_old_pics_from_when_i_was_thinner/
---
From about a decade ago. I didn’t like when I was at my lowest weight and thought I looked like a skeleton. I let people shame me into hating my body and looking back, I looked fine. So sad I can never be happy with myself.
https://imgur.com/a/jfpJRqQ
Top two pictures are from 2010, the rest were from 2007
[Rant/Rave] Just ruined all my progress and I’m so upset.
/u/TumericTea [5'4 | 143 | 24.5 | gw1: 120|18F]
Created: Fri Sep 14 23:12:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fz0qk/just_ruined_all_my_progress_and_im_so_upset/
---
I had been doing really well this past week. Eating below 900 and drinking tons of water. I finally got to the 130s and was so happy. And then two nights ago I had taco time and I was upset but figured that maybe it wouldn’t kill me and might help my metabolism or something? Idk, I was trying to reason with myself. So I decided to fast for 24 hours to make up for that, but I still live at home and had to eat dinner with my family.
And instead of eating a small amount I could have purged, I just HAD to eat two bigass bowls of pad Thai, two slices of cheese bread, a Gatorade, Reece’s pieces, red vines, and Cheetos. My mom got us junk food as a “treat” for family game night but now I hate myself and feel nauseous. It’s too late to purge. I’m so upset, I know I’ve lost so much progress. And I don’t know how I’m going to survive in this house that is now full of junk food.
No more night binging
/u/HowToBeAsian25 [5'3.5F | 113]
Created: Fri Sep 14 23:11:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fz0nv/no_more_night_binging/
---
Take some clothes off. It doesn’t have to be all of them. Just a shirt will do.
[Rant/Rave] I’m a useless failure
/u/balletarius
Created: Fri Sep 14 22:56:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fyxs8/im_a_useless_failure/
---
My ballet studio had auditions for our nutcracker this weekend and all I could focus on is how fat and ugly I am. Ballet is supposed to be graceful but my feet are too small, my gigantic weight crushes them, and my limbs all look like overstuffed sausages. I played Clara years ago so I thought I would get a decent part, as I’m generally considered one of the good dancers, but I apparently I don’t even have that going for me. I got the same role as a girl who’s father’s on the board and is worse at ballet than a horse on roller skates. The one thing in my life I enjoy/makes me feel special is ruined and I’m a failure at the one thing I thought I was good at. I’m basically a hippo in an ugly costume, I don’t even know why I try. Sorry for the rant
♥️
/u/addledd
Created: Fri Sep 14 22:55:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fyxmk/_/
---
https://i.redd.it/7chsscf03cm11.jpg
[Discussion] Does anyone else fast for the whole day but ends up binging right before going to bed with a stuffy ass stomach and have to deal with the uncomfortable heaving feeling for a hour before being able to comfortably fall asleep?
/u/laceandlatex
Created: Fri Sep 14 22:51:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fywpx/does_anyone_else_fast_for_the_whole_day_but_ends/
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Pain.
I hate not feeling hungry
/u/mabver321 [5'1 | CW 137 | GW 100| LW 6| F]
Created: Fri Sep 14 22:44:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fyvj2/i_hate_not_feeling_hungry/
---
I hate loosing that starving feeling in my gut after eating. It feels like I lost a comforting friend
Make-up thread? Maybe?
/u/dorisholliday
Created: Fri Sep 14 22:42:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fyuy1/makeup_thread_maybe/
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This is for everyone who needs make up tips? Or is it just me?
I know I need some blush. I've been extensively googling what color I should get. How do I know what undertone I have? I want my cheekbones to POP obv. I have like, medium skin so I read that I should go for maybe rich pink/mauve? But whyyyy is this so hard. I definitely spent half an hour or more looking at blushes at CVS.
I eventually settled for Loreal Sweet Ginger. No idea yet whether I made the right decision. I've never bought blush in my life.
So here's your open thread re:makeup.
[Help] Where to buy ephedrine online?
/u/angelakarui
Created: Fri Sep 14 22:35:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fytm6/where_to_buy_ephedrine_online/
---
I know about vitasave but their Ephedrine HCL has been out of stock for like a month. Have you guys ordered it from any other reliable websites?
[Other] The only thing I’ll miss about my HW is my ass
/u/skinnylilalien
Created: Fri Sep 14 22:31:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fyssf/the_only_thing_ill_miss_about_my_hw_is_my_ass/
---
GAH my ass is so bomb... like yea it’s not perfect & as big as some girls but my booty has never been this good (IN MY EYES at least). I’m gonna really miss it when I’m back down to my GW... maybe it will stick around?? Haha prob not but I can hope!!
[Rant/Rave] I lost 4.2 lbs in 6 hours
/u/hamiifan [4'11 | 89.6 | 18.1 | -10 | F]
Created: Fri Sep 14 22:27:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fys18/i_lost_42_lbs_in_6_hours/
---
Things haven't being going well recently. I gained some weight and got to my highest weight ever. I felt so unattractive and disgusting. I decided to stay in tonight and just drink some laxatives. I had 10 oz of magnesium citrate and 8 oz of water (with miralax) and I have already dropped 4 lbs!!
I have chronic constipation because of IBS, so I knew they'd be effective but damn I didn't think they'd be this effective! Now I just gotta keep the weight off.
Social activities that don’t involve consuming calories?
/u/DistortionPuddle [5'7"| CW:137 | BMI:21.5 | GW: 125 | 31F]
Created: Fri Sep 14 22:22:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fyqzb/social_activities_that_dont_involve_consuming/
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I need ideas for things I can suggest to do with friends after work on Saturday nights that don’t involve ingesting calories. My social time and energy are so limited, and I pretty much only have a social life on occasional Friday/Saturday nights. Usually my friends want to grab dinner/drinks, and I’m so tired at that point that my self-control is pretty much nonexistent. What can I suggest that is a) not at my home, b) low or no calorie temptation, and c) is a fairly short late-night quality time friendship activity? All I can think of is going for a short-ish evening walk. Keep in mind I get off work at 8-9pm and live in a major city. Thanks!
Is it possible to develop an allergy to aspartame?
/u/qurrat361
Created: Fri Sep 14 22:21:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fyqti/is_it_possible_to_develop_an_allergy_to_aspartame/
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Like most of us here, I drink a lot of Diet Coke. I've been drinking it for years, but just recently I've begun to experience some negative side effects. Basically every time I take a drink of it I end up sneezing, sometimes multiple times in a row, and I almost never sneeze so this started to make me concerned, and it's also been making me itchy sometimes (not sure if it's hives or what?) I know you can be allergic to aspartame, but I was wondering if you can develop it later on in life, because this is making me really concerned and I really don't want to give up on Diet Coke
[Discussion] DAE have like a million notes of multiple food related plans?
/u/sadpeanutfriend
Created: Fri Sep 14 21:53:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fykqy/dae_have_like_a_million_notes_of_multiple_food/
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I have notes for weekly and daily food diary, calorie counts, weight loss diaries, calorie + deficit calculations, reminders to not binge (& logging how shitty I feel after a binge), reminders to drink x amount of water, time stamps for everything, fantasy binges, grocery lists, everything.
but hey all the planning keeps my hand out of the cookie jar so who’s the real winner
[Rant/Rave] just ended my absolute worst calorie day in months!!!
/u/summerservice [5'2 | ??? | 19F]
Created: Fri Sep 14 21:41:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fyi8w/just_ended_my_absolute_worst_calorie_day_in_months/
---
2500!!! I had friends over for dinner and we all ate so much!!!! I started today feeling so GOOOOD I WAS WEARING A CROP TOP AND NOW I want to DIE aaaAAAAAA!!!!!
so I drank three bottles of water, I started a nice fast that’ll end in 18 hours, and I have 450 calories total planned for tomorrow. so that should kick off the undoing of the damage. :-)
how’s everybody else doing on this friday night
I just fucking can’t anymore
/u/_Stormi
Created: Fri Sep 14 21:31:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fyg7h/i_just_fucking_cant_anymore/
---
I’ve tried restricting, and I’ve been decent at it. I started during summer, and I was doing great. Then 8th grade started, and I was hungry ALL the time. I was still restricting a bit, and exercising enough that I was still losing weight. My mom noticed my weight loss and told me that I was looking too skinny. (FYI, I’m not. I’m a BMI of 18.9, 5’7” and 120.8 pound 13 year old girl. Closer to being overweight than to underweight.) I told my mom I wouldn’t lose anymore weight (I lied) and I’ve been desperately trying to be in the 110s. For the past few days, I’ve been the same weight, and then I go and pig out at Luna grill. In my heart, I know it’s not a binge. I ate half of my meal, so 500-600 calories tops. That puts me at around 1600 calories for the day. I want to purge, but I’ve never purged before and I’m just scared. I want to cry, but I don’t want my family to worry. Sorry for rambling, I just needed to rant.
[Discussion] DAE feel like not binging is restricting
/u/welcometomindjail
Created: Fri Sep 14 21:14:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fycby/dae_feel_like_not_binging_is_restricting/
---
I've never really restricted. Probably the lowest I've ever gone in a day is like 1100 lol because I'm the champion binge eater.
You know how they say restricting causes binges or whatever? What do you do when not eating an entire cake or plate of cookies feels like restricting?
Also for all of you thinking about going to therapy, joke's on you, it doesn't work and may have possibly made me worse 🙃
i just had a great idea - fast together!
/u/KrimsonKatana
Created: Fri Sep 14 20:29:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fy25u/i_just_had_a_great_idea_fast_together/
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hey so I'm thinking about doing some more restricting over the next couple of days and I thought, if I had a partner who wanted to restrict we could motivate each other against binging!
So here's my idea: if anyone wants a partner to restrict with, post in the comments how long you want to do it for and a Snapchat link. Then you two can discuss details more :)
Ive always been thinking about this and maybe this can help us get rid of binging! if you feel the need to binge, the concept would be to send an sos to your partner and they could talk you of it.
Thoughts? <3
please motivate me to stop binging
/u/finnkat [5'3 | 90lbs | 16.4 | 19f]
Created: Fri Sep 14 20:06:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fxwt2/please_motivate_me_to_stop_binging/
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I've fallen into a binge phase and want to stop before i get paid next week and have enough money for it to get out of control. do you guys have any tips/tricks to stop binging. or quotes that help you?
[Rant/Rave] new home same old me lmao
/u/crossdressingcarp
Created: Fri Sep 14 19:50:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fxt89/new_home_same_old_me_lmao/
---
i’m moving and at first i was like yaaaas new home new me i’m not gonna binge and purge anymore !!!!!! but tonight is literally the first night in my new apartment and guess who binged???? this girl!!!! :-))))))))) weak
[Discussion] Family members losing weight is really triggering
/u/-Camellia-Sinensis-
Created: Fri Sep 14 19:44:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fxrqa/family_members_losing_weight_is_really_triggering/
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My brother in law has lost 50 lb on keto since around the beginning of the year, and now his wife (my SIL) is visibly losing weight too. I overheard her discussing it and it sounds like she’s 16/8 fasting and I stupidly joined in the conversation about it when I should’ve kept my god damn mouth shut but whenever the family talks about eating habits or losing weight I feel so terribly jealous and insecure. And competitive. Like I need to beat them somehow. Ugh I feel like such a fat shit now, and stupid for talking about it with them.
[Other] Partner graduating college this year
/u/Scarab-Beetle
Created: Fri Sep 14 19:43:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fxrjm/partner_graduating_college_this_year/
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[removed]
[Other] Partner graduating college this year
/u/Scarab-Beetle
Created: Fri Sep 14 19:43:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fxrfy/partner_graduating_college_this_year/
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[removed]
Any suggestions as to what I should buy for a two week fast?
/u/gaykhaleesi
Created: Fri Sep 14 19:32:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fxp08/any_suggestions_as_to_what_i_should_buy_for_a_two/
---
So I posted an intro not too long ago talking about how I was doing a two week fast. I’m only a few days in and I’m starting to feel so tired, especially when I have a full time job where I work on my feet.
I’ve always just fasted before, I’ve never looked into vitamins or special drinks or water with electrolytes or any of that.
I’m head to the store right now, what are your go to supplies/vitamins when fasting and heavily restricting?
[Rant/Rave] Gonna be going to an anime con in a little over a month, which always used to be a massive trigger for me...
/u/foulmeister
Created: Fri Sep 14 19:24:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fxn7l/gonna_be_going_to_an_anime_con_in_a_little_over_a/
---
Back in the Throes of my ED, cosplay and cons used to be huge triggers. Lots of fasting before I went to be able to get as small as physically possible. I've been in recovery on and off over the years, put in a lot of weight. I'm already kind of broad shouldered and tall, so it's really anxiety inducing. I use to read a tumblr called something like weaboo horror stories? Idk if it's still around, but back when I was 14 it was absolutely horrifying, n I never wanted to be like the subject of the posts there. The term "hambeast" comes to mind. Basically I'm a size 12/14, and I'm just.... so terrified to cosplay... excited, mind you, since I'll be going with friends, unlike conventions I went to before (which would always end up with loneliness meltdowns in bathrooms :() I've been not in a full relapse, just the beginning stages that I've tended to start with in the past but,God. I wanna lose as much as possible before then, especially since I'm cosplaying a fairly well known, very cute character, and I'm scared of being made fun of :/ I feel like a self conscious teen all over again UGH
Able to hold phone with collarbone and chin now.
/u/Hairless_Human [6' | CW 139.8 | BMI 18.20 | WL -140.2 |M 21]
Created: Fri Sep 14 19:22:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fxmoj/able_to_hold_phone_with_collarbone_and_chin_now/
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I needed some light at the dead of night and also needed 2 hands. Well I did the ol shove phone in chin and collarbones with flashlight on thinking maybe it'll work this time and boom it did. When I was fatter I could maybe hold it for about 3-4 secs before it would slip out and drop on the ground and I would panic thinking I cracked the screen. I was able to hold that phone for the entire duration I needed it held (about 10 mins).
[Rant/Rave] Extremely wrong weight guesses?
/u/dietcigsss
Created: Fri Sep 14 19:20:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fxmd5/extremely_wrong_weight_guesses/
---
Okay so I’m 5’4.5, about 187 pounds. (Gross, I know) and I’m pretty popular on Facebook. I asked my friends to guess my weight and they no nothing about my ed so they did. One person knows about my ed and she commented like “holy fuck, they’re actually doing it”. That’s besides the point. I guess I just wanted to see what other people see when they see me. I have a few full body pics so I posted one with the caption “guess my weight”.
Idk if it’s the picture or the way I’m proportioned but the highest guess was 135 and the lowest was 116. HOW? like I know I’m fat, whatever but I also know that most people don’t think I’m pushing 200. It’s just a shock to think that most people see me as 135 at most. Even on ed twitter, I get curious and ask. Still. 135 at most. It’s triggering (and I knew this) bc if they think I’m that weight now, imagine when I actually get down to 135. What will they think then? Will I be too skinny? Will I get those weird stares again. I can only hope. Considering my ugw and lw are far lower than that, I can’t wait.
[Rant/Rave] Self-Sabotage
/u/_Pulltab_ [5' 7| CW 165.4 | BMI 25.9 | -30.6 | F]
Created: Fri Sep 14 19:16:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fxlc5/selfsabotage/
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Finally had a couple good scale days, 2.4 pounds from my next goal weight, and I ate 1400 calories today, including 93 net carbs.
I’m a fucking asshole.
My weekend is going to make it impossible to restrict and I’m not going to be able to make it to the gym, either. So much for making GW by my birthday next week.
[Rant/Rave] someone called me skinny and pretty today
/u/itsyaboifranzi [5'0| 105.6 lbs | 20.6 | ~20 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Sep 14 19:13:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fxknm/someone_called_me_skinny_and_pretty_today/
---
i dont get it. i'm not thin, i mean i get my weight and bmi is kinda low-ish but its all fat and no muscle. i'm not thin i'm still fat.
it was so surreal, ive never been called skinny by anyone but my (fat) parents before. it felt so weird but good and i can go back to fully restricting now. i told her about how much fatter i used to be and she seemed genuinely impressed, she was already concerned though so i had to lie about how i did it, but it still felt great to be reminded of how much progress ive made
[Other] drinking on empty
/u/tone_v2 [6'|CW:140|GW: 135?|BMI:18.25|20M]
Created: Fri Sep 14 19:06:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fxj1t/drinking_on_empty/
---
So tonight and the last few nights I’ve been going out and drinking on a mostly empty stomach. Pretty much exclusively vodka with seltzer or some other 0cal mixer, with a few sips of beer here and there during drinking games. For everyone else that’s drinking after not eating all day, remember to pace yourself and be safe. We physically just can’t keep up with people who have been eating all day, and there’s no need to try, because there’s nothing to prove.
In the end we’ll all get where we need to be, wherever that is.
[Discussion] DAE strategically use salt?
/u/depressionbunny [5'6" | 138 | 22.6 | -12 | FM]
Created: Fri Sep 14 18:57:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fxh6m/dae_strategically_use_salt/
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I've got it down to a science.
When I'm heavily restricting/leading up to a fast, I consume more salt in a day than a roman soldier's monthly salary.
Which, I know too much salt is bad. (BuT eD iS bAd ToO mMmKaYy!)
But it zero calories and helps me soooo much with cravings, appetite control, and fullness. I like to take tiny bites of protein or veg and literally dip it in sea salt, followed by big glugs of water.
And I know I'll be bloated tomorrow. But because I've only had \~700 calorites today, I know it's absolutely just water weight. And for this phase of restriction, over salting keeps my calories low so I can burn more fat.
Then, once I've done enough of this, I'll go salt free. Usually via a water/tea fast, breaking it with fresh veg or something with no sodium.
And then WHOOSH!
Anyone else?
ordering strawberries as a safe dessert and then watching helplessly as the woman dumps THREE HEAPED TABLESPOONS OF HEAVY CREAM onto them
/u/WhatAreSnailsDoing
Created: Fri Sep 14 18:46:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fxeqg/ordering_strawberries_as_a_safe_dessert_and_then/
---
it's okay clueless old woman, i was already planning on going to bed for dinner, just fuck me up
[Rant/Rave] A Benefit to Being Sad
/u/primaddonna
Created: Fri Sep 14 18:36:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fxc8z/a_benefit_to_being_sad/
---
Hello, hi, longtime viewer of this sub but have never posted here so sorry if I've messed up somehow posting this!
​
Anyways I just needed somewhere to say how I've had one of the worst possible days I've had in a long time. I've just been so anxious all day its made it impossible to get out of bed and everything in life seems absolutely pointless. So basically spending my day in self pity has been bad. I've had no one to talk too and my own best friend is barely even answering me in favour of hanging out with her ex.
​
However this has completely ruined my appetite and I've been unable to make myself go get food so at least I've been able to fast. Its so bad but its the only thing that is somewhat good in my head rn :(
[Discussion] How to stop eating in front of the TV?
/u/titiparisienne
Created: Fri Sep 14 18:28:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fxacm/discussion_how_to_stop_eating_in_front_of_the_tv/
---
Whenever I spend the night at my parents' house, we watch TV together before bed.
Problem is, I've Pavloved my dumb dog brain into *needing* food whenever I watch TV. I can't start eating until the show starts, and if I run out of food before it ends, I feel like my stomach is going to cave in no matter how much I just ate.
I try to choose high-volume foods and eat them really slowly, but I always run out anyway and I keep fucking up days that were *going so fucking well*.
How do you break the TV = food association?
[Discussion] DAE actually like the feeling of being weak and lightheaded and almost blacking out or am I crazy?
/u/thinwishes_ [5'7" | CW 135 lb | GW 125 lb | UGW 120 lb | F]
Created: Fri Sep 14 18:28:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fxaa9/dae_actually_like_the_feeling_of_being_weak_and/
---
It’s like a natural high to me idk
[Discussion] DAE get weirdly frustrated when they see kids eating complete shit as a treat?
/u/iamacrazycatlady
Created: Fri Sep 14 18:26:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fx9s9/dae_get_weirdly_frustrated_when_they_see_kids/
---
I watched some kid freak out and get a cake pop as a treat which is basically like 200 calories and I can’t help but think about how that’s like an entire meal’s worth of calories for me and they just act like it’s fucking nothing and it pisses me off idk :-(
[Rant/Rave] I want to be able to eat normally...
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | CW : 114| GW: 110 | UGW: 105| Female]
Created: Fri Sep 14 18:24:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fx9eo/i_want_to_be_able_to_eat_normally/
---
...but I’m convinced anything more than 600 calories will make me fat and that I shouldn’t eat hard to purge foods. I really want to get to my goal weight and I’m getting closer so I’ll just restrict until I get there and I’ll reward myself. Plus I’m trying to lose before I start therapy and they make me gain. Hopefully I’ll be out patient and can still restrict. I wish I was ready to recover but I’m not and idk if I ever will be.
[Discussion] Anyone else struggle with wanting to heavily restrict but not wanting hair to fall out
/u/SkinnyAgain259 [Height 5’7”| CW 155lbs | BMI 24.2 | Weight Lost 5lbs | Gender F]
Created: Fri Sep 14 18:16:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fx7ii/anyone_else_struggle_with_wanting_to_heavily/
---
I need to get to my GW by the end of the year because my current weight is driving me crazy. Have lost and gained the same 10lbs three times so far. Whenever I start restricting to like 400 calories a day I start panicking about losing my hair.
It’s been super damaged in the last year, it’s thinning and my hairline is receding :/
I keep upping my intake a tiny bit more and then binging because of it and it’s making it super hard to focus on restricting. I don’t want to lose my hair but I can’t stand being so gross for much longer.
[Goal] My goal for tomorrow
/u/coffeeandcamels [5"4.5 | 17.2 | CW: 102 | UGW: 90]
Created: Fri Sep 14 18:12:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fx6dt/my_goal_for_tomorrow/
---
I deleted my other post, but tomorrow, I WILL NOT chew and spit. I’m tired of my own bullshit and it makes me feel horrible and gross and obsessive about calories and weight. I’ll eat a little more than I have been (I’ve been basically living off of sugar free jello and broccoli), drink water or coffee, and make myself sit down or go outside instead of wandering around the kitchen looking for stuff to chew and spit.
I haven’t been successful in like two years, but I’m 12 pounds away from my goal weight - I’m motivated to get there ASAP!!!
Wish me luck y’all - I’m sure I’ll be quite active here tomorrow 😂
Can you get Bronkaid in Illinois without a prescription?
/u/gigi-has-issues [5'9"| CW 155| GW 115| F]
Created: Fri Sep 14 18:06:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fx54m/can_you_get_bronkaid_in_illinois_without_a/
---
I'm thinking about moving to Chicago, and I am trying to find out if I can get Bronkaid without a prescription in IL. From what I've found, it seems like I can, but I want to double check. It's giving me a lot of anxiety. I'd have to get back on a prescription for the Bulimia if not. Thanks!
DAE convince yourself you look good when you’re looking in the mirror at home but then go out into the world and instantly hate yourself?
/u/throwaway_acct_23
Created: Fri Sep 14 18:05:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fx4ua/dae_convince_yourself_you_look_good_when_youre/
---
This always happens to me. Today for example I worked from home, and of course I spend at least a few minutes of every hour analyzing myself in the mirror... but sometimes ill think to myself, you know what, I actually look pretty good. I’d date me!
....and then you take two steps outside and see beautiful/skinny girls everywhere and you’re instantly put in your place. Like what was I thinking. I’m ugly as fuck.
I’ll never win.
[Help] I might order Chinese food tomorrow
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | CW : 114| GW: 110 | UGW: 105| Female]
Created: Fri Sep 14 18:00:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fx3rr/i_might_order_chinese_food_tomorrow/
---
I’ve been craving it but I’m terrified of the calories. General tso chicken and white rice is what I want but I’m afraid to eat it. I’m fasting today and wanted breakfast but I might sacrifice it for the Chinese food. I don’t know, any thoughts?
"you look like you're 105, at most 106"
/u/band-aide [5'5.5 | CW: 128 | BMI: 21 | F/19]
Created: Fri Sep 14 17:56:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fx2pt/you_look_like_youre_105_at_most_106/
---
this dude in my last class freaks me out. we're friends i guess and get along pretty well, but he hits on me nonstop. i'm so emotionally unavailable and i have a boyfriend anyway but my ed of course is ruining my relationship because i don't want to be close to anyone now that i'm relapsing. he has no worries bringing up touchy subjects at all. he guessed my weight today as "105, no more than 106. 90 is like, super bony, but under 110 is pretty thin." i just told him that it was interesting that he thought that, and when he tried to get me to elaborate i wouldn't. no way am i gonna be like "actually im struggling to get below 128 but ok"
it's nice that people think i weigh less than i really am, i feel that maybe i carry my weight well, but i also feel shitty because i'm NOT 105. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to be 105, especially below that, but i'd be surprised if i hit that weight before late december...
he's a skeevy guy anyhow, and guys like that often don't understand that women and men's bodies are different. he's pretty skinny so i guess he knows nothing about BMI or how height plays into it so he assumed i must weigh less. i bet i weigh more. i don't even care about this guy but men get into my head really easily and make me overthink everything. especially since i have an ED and some guy giving me a ton of... flirtatious attention calling me thin, it makes me freak out.
my life is in shambles basically. especially my love life. i have a genuinely sweet boyfriend who wants to make me happy. what is wrong with me? i'm going to ruin the only good relationship i had in my life. i can't believe i want to become a nutritionist too like my ed will ruin everything good i have going for myself eventually i think and i still love my ed and embrace the self-destruction all over again whenever i'm stressed out, which is always
[Other] some boy today tried to tell me diet soda makes you gain weight
/u/manfromanother-place [5’1.75 | CW:102.5 | GW: 98 | 19.62]
Created: Fri Sep 14 17:55:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fx2go/some_boy_today_tried_to_tell_me_diet_soda_makes/
---
trust me, RYAN, i know how fucking calories work and i know diet soda doesn’t have any, fuckass
🤷♀️
[Discussion] DAE feel like their whole entire day has gone to shit when you don't follow a timetable / eat exactly what you planned and just binge in rebellion??!?!
/u/africanhamster
Created: Fri Sep 14 17:50:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fx1aq/dae_feel_like_their_whole_entire_day_has_gone_to/
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[Rant/Rave] "You're not THAT small are you?
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2 | 148 | Aiming for 146 by 9/25 | -12| f21]
Created: Fri Sep 14 17:47:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fx0hn/youre_not_that_small_are_you/
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Exactly words that were told to me by my dad, In a "you got too small of a dress" way not a good way. Gee, Thanks. It's in fact a little bit big on me, But thanks for making me feel like I'm huge now.
[Discussion] Got honked at twice on my way back from CVS with binge food...
/u/catalystrose [5'1 | 112 | BMI 21.2 | GW 98 | F]
Created: Fri Sep 14 17:37:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fwy9u/got_honked_at_twice_on_my_way_back_from_cvs_with/
---
...and I didn't binge. I was pissed at the time it happened, but kept thinking about it on my way back to my apartment, and ultimately didn't binge. I still ate two of the cookies and 1/4 of a cup of ice cream, putting me just a little bit over my daily limit, but I've been doing great for a few weeks now (NO BINGE SEPTEMBER) so that doesn't matter at all.
It's weird that being honked at is what prevented me from binging, because I'm not really doing this for validation from assholes who can't actually talk to you outside of their car barriers. I do want to look great, but only for people I actually like. But whatever works? I'm glad I can still keep going with no binge September. My goal has been to see a number under 110 on the scale, which is lower than I was when middle school started, and I saw 111.2 this morning so I'm very happy. It's only the middle of the month, so if I keep it up I'll definitely reach under 110.
Have you guys ever not binged after fully planning on doing so because of something like this? I feel like all the effort I've been putting in to not binge has made me look so much better, but now I also get the sort of attention I definitely don't want. I used to never get catcalled or honked at, and now I do almost every time I walk out of my apartment, and while at first it felt good, now it sort of pisses me off more than giving me any validation. How do you guys feel about this? Is it insulting/embarrassing?
[Other] Cheat day and learning to not feel guilty about it
/u/Throwaway-hideaway [5’2” | CW:48.6kg | SW:57kg | F | Maintaining?]
Created: Fri Sep 14 17:32:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fwx27/cheat_day_and_learning_to_not_feel_guilty_about_it/
---
I fasted all day today because I knew that I was going to a party tonight where there’ll be free food and drinks. I went to the party, ate whatever I felt like eating and drank whatever I felt like drinking (as long as I wasn’t “overly, can’t move at all full). I haven’t been able to do that in a long time but it was a good party and I actually had fun without worrying too much about the amount of calories I must’ve eaten today (which btw was probably wayyy more than my TDEE). Of course when I got home, i started thinking more and more about the calories, but I realised that I’ve been restricting for so long, I’m a couple kilos under my goal weight this morning, and so one rare cheat day today isn’t going to make me fat. Sure, I am a bit bloated from the junk food and alcohol and I’m sure that if I weigh myself tomorrow morning, I’m not going to like the number because of water retention etc but in the end, I know that when I go back to restricting and going swimming tomorrow and for the next week, I know that I will be back to the weight I started with this morning, before I went to the party.
So instead of weighing myself every morning like I have been doing, I’m going to stop weighing myself for about a week so that I can just focus on getting back on track without getting discouraged.
Sorry this is a bit of a ramble (I’ve just got back from the party and I’m in quite a good mood to say the least😂)
TLDR; one rare cheat day won’t make you fat. Just take a break from weighing for about a week and concentrate on getting back on track. And most of all, enjoy yourselves on nights out with friends :)
bullshit logic
/u/hopeless_anon [5'5 | CW: 115 LW: 85 | 17F]
Created: Fri Sep 14 17:23:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fwuut/bullshit_logic/
---
The nutritionist at my treatment center forced us to watch this shit. But I pointed out the obvious logic fails here and I got put on level 0 for it because of "staff bashing and not being recovery minded~".
here is the video if you want to lose braincells
[Bullshit^bullshit]
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H89QQfXtc-k)
[Goal] Almost back to my LW!
/u/hawaiianhaole01 [5'6 | 120.2 | 19.1 | GW 115 | F]
Created: Fri Sep 14 17:13:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fwshf/almost_back_to_my_lw/
---
I was admitted into a psych ward a year ago, for 3 months (a year ago I was actually still in it). I went in for a suicide attempt, but I was also deep in my ED. The place I went to was duel psych and ED treatment, so they put me on a meal plan, got me back up to my 'healthy weight' then released me into the world with some shoddy plans of medications that I told them I wasn't gonna take and therapy appts I wasn't going to keep. Honestly, not really sure how I got out and not committed to a state hospital for bipolar 1 and anxiety, but whatever.
Granted, my LW isn't that low as I kinda sucked at having an ED for many years, but my depression at the time made me so thin, it was actually commented on instead of just being acknowledged as being small.
I got out, moved an ocean away, fell in love with the most perfect girl for me, and theoretically shouldn't be losing weight or in ED and depression land, but I am. I'm at the best point of my life that I can remember, and I've been restricting slowly, losing slowly, and am dominating at it. I was 150 when I got out, I'm now at 125. My LW at admittance was 120. I know it's not that low for someone who's 5'6, but I'm just so thrilled with myself. Thank you veganism and surfing!
I am extremely high functioning for my diagnoses, so I'm pretty sure I can keep this up almost indefinitely. No one knows where I was for those 3 months other than my one friend I made while in there, but she lives across the ocean and country, so I'm pretty safe.
[Rant/Rave] I finally really weighed myself for the first time in months
/u/publius-esquire [5'6" | LW 117.2 | GW 110 | HW 146 | F]
Created: Fri Sep 14 16:49:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fwmam/i_finally_really_weighed_myself_for_the_first/
---
I go to school over 5 hours away by flight from home. At school, I have a scale. I love that thing. It’s glass, it rarely gives super different results, and it came with a fucking measuring tape. However, I couldn’t take it home with me because it weighed too much...ironic.
My parents have a pretty shitty scale that I can’t use everyday because, well, duh. Then I moved to California for two months. I felt weird getting packages delivered to the house I was staying at, and also I was broke, so I bought a dial scale that told me jack shit. Whatever, I was trying to #recover and I was able to use my grandparents scale once to confirm I wasn’t gaining too much so it was fine.
Now I’m in a foreign country, studying abroad at an acting program. I’ve been eating like shit for all types of reasons. Mostly waiting until my stomach is cramping from hunger and then eating sugar sugar sugar on the 2 mile walk home from class.
But she arrived today. Black, cool, and flat, with a blue-lit screen that is scaled for .1 lbs. I put it right in front of my bed, in a little space just for itself. I closed the curtains, stripped naked (in the middle of the afternoon), went to the bathroom although I didn’t need too, and stepped on. My toes left little marks on the surface. My holy space. My daily judgement. It felt like panic and fear and potential.
I’ve gained a kilogram and a half since last spring - lost about a half a pound since this June. That’s fine, I am not totally fucked. Probably not that noticeable on a 5’6” frame that I’ve learned to disguise.
But looking at myself - I look fat.
Birth control has made my boobs disgustingly inflated on my chest (R I fucking P my relatively small C cups) and my stomach constantly bloated and tender. I can’t see my upper rib cage as clearly. I can pinch and roll inches and inches of fat between my fingers on my front and sides. My thighs look like teardrops from how much fat has accumulated at the top, and they chafe together. Even my fucking wrists and hands look fat. They used to look bony and elegant, the tendons on the back of my hand flexing so clearly. My fingers are chubby and my hand again looks like a child’s. The veins I could see through the pale skin of my lower belly/upper hips are gone, buried under fat.
When I look in the mirror, a girl who would never be looked at twice by a casting agent or a hot girl at a bar looks back. She’s chubby, oddly shaped, and bloated. She doesn’t look like anyone. She disappears in the crowd.
I don’t “feel” 121.6 lbs. I don’t look 121.6 lbs...
But the scale is Absolute. I may not understand, but I cannot argue. She resolves me of my sins when I don’t deserve redemption and frustrates me with her Wrath when she feels like it. I’m so relieved. Finally something that tells me my self worth every day. Finally something that cannot warp before my eyes. The scale is Infallible.
I don’t have an eating disorder. I have an altar and a religion and a god powered by 3 AAA batteries (included).
My mother forced me to break my fast after two days
/u/Westher98
Created: Fri Sep 14 16:39:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fwjkh/my_mother_forced_me_to_break_my_fast_after_two/
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I'm on my cellphone, so I can't flair this post. Sorry.
So... after 48 hours of me being on a water fast, my mother forced me to drink a 100-calorie drink.
She'd noticed my constant exhaustion and, once I had come back home from work, she sat me down and asked me whether I'd eaten. I lied but she still forced me to drink something, because she wanted to see me ingest some food. She was on the verge of crying. I hesitated for several minutes before emptying the cup and rushing to my bedroom, angry.
I'm so frustrated because I know she just wants me to be fine, but I see my very first 72-hour-long fast ending abruptly. In fact, although I'm not new to fasts, this was an attempt on losing my very last kilo (or couple of pounds) which I've been struggling to lose in this last month.
It's unnerving and I'd lie if I said I didn't cry. I feel miserable but I'm too stubborn to give up now, so I won't quit until tomorrow night.
I'll try another fast next week.
End of rant.
[Discussion] DAE binge in front of other people because you want them to think you’re “naturally skinny”
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 105-107 | UGW: 94 | F]
Created: Fri Sep 14 16:34:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fwicb/dae_binge_in_front_of_other_people_because_you/
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My work had pizza today and a bunch of my coworkers are bigger and on diets. So my weird ED brain decided that I had to eat four pieces of pizza in a row so that everyone would believe I’m naturally skinny and don’t have to think about my weight at all. So now I’ve eaten like, two days worth of calorie in pizza and it wasn’t worth it at all. Does anyone else do this? It’s so self-sabotaging, it drives me crazy.
Drinking my Garcina Cambogia out of an appropriate bottle today
/u/wethail
Created: Fri Sep 14 16:34:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fwi5g/drinking_my_garcina_cambogia_out_of_an/
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https://i.redd.it/lcojtq6v6am11.jpg
My favourite diet is the break up diet.
/u/tinycat1 [165cm| 60kg | 20F | GW: 45KG]
Created: Fri Sep 14 16:29:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fwgx1/my_favourite_diet_is_the_break_up_diet/
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We broke up on Thursday. Since then I've only eaten one meal and a whole lotta wine. I have no desire to eat and it doesn't even cross my thoughts, I don't feel hungry anymore. Soon he will move out and I will be alone again. I'm broken.
[Discussion] DAE look up photos of people you find attractive to stare at when you’re feeling fat, to make yourself feel bad? Just me? Cool.
/u/Adrenalize_me
Created: Fri Sep 14 16:13:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fwcpw/dae_look_up_photos_of_people_you_find_attractive/
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ruined my life, still binging, gained over 20 lbs and I. JUST. CAN'T. ANYMORE. HELP PLEASE
/u/Appolinaris9
Created: Fri Sep 14 15:34:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fw1zz/ruined_my_life_still_binging_gained_over_20_lbs/
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So I was in binge/starve cycles for the last two years or so. was 49kg in february and really happy. binged up to 56ish. got down again to 53. binged to 57. binged to 59. binged again today, so I'm over 60kg which means I'm where I was about two years ago.
Ang I really tried the last weeks to not even restrict, do this intuitive/mindful eating thing, allowing everything, just concentrating on not giving into binge urges instead on focusing on losing weight. Guess what? I still binged so much in this time. Even if I wanted to continue to not count and restrict anymore (honestly I love the idea of not tracking and listening to my body etc.), I KNOW that I will turn it into a diet by eating little portions and feeling bad about every extra bite. That's even worse than plain tracking because then, I'll set a limit of like 1000 calories, eat 600 or so and KNOW I could have that extra candy or whatever if I actually wanted to. Yes, tracking makes me crazy after some time and I promised I would fix my relationship with food first before trying to lose weight, but GOD, I don't even have clothes that fit and I refuse to stay in this body. 20lbs in like a month break havoc on how you look. Everyone must've noticed already. The grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side, when i'm tracking I dream of eating intuitively, and when I do eat intuitively, I dream of having some structure and actually knowing if I had 300 or 3000 calories today.
So, this time, I just really need to stick throught. 1000 calories until I'm under 55kg, 1200 until I'm under 53, and when i'm under 50, I'll go up to 1400 and see if I can go even higher after some time and stay there for a while. I never had such high calories in years, so there's no binging excuse. And I'll like I want, so if I want only 200 calories that day so it'll be. Then, some day in the future, when I'm at a human weight, I'll do this intutive eating again.
It's so sad that one year ago, I did EXACTLY the same ordeal. yoyo-ed like crazy, fasted, binged, tried IE, gave up, restricted way too hard, binged for months. Every year it's the same.
Yesterday my friends gradtuated from law school, and we all started in the same year. I'm still not graduating because my mind is all wired up in this ED thing and I don't have any brain space for anything else.
Guys. I need some proper advise. Is this a realistic plan? Am I setting myself up for the same shit again that I'm going throught every year? Is there any other solution that i'm just not seeing? I'm going vrazy :(
I feel like i never developed an ED i would be an intuitive undereater
/u/bunnywithbpd [5"2 || 104]
Created: Fri Sep 14 15:17:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fvxfm/i_feel_like_i_never_developed_an_ed_i_would_be_an/
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I tried "intuitive eating" when I was trying to recover, in fact, I was doing pretty well in terms of ED. No purging, small binge here and there. however due to years of calorie counting to the dot my brain gave me good estimations without me trying to count it. My intake was only 600-800 cal a lot of days and I would freak out because I used to starve as punishment for being fat and then binged because "food is happiness". If I never treated food like this weird obsessing pleasure punishment thing I think I would eat just fine and that makes me just regret a lot of things in my life lol. If I never knew how to calorie count or freak out over being fat which led to binge/purging I would just be happy eating super little without noticing and I am just appalled because I feel like a lot of us are like this on here. We only eat a lot because we feel like shit due to ED which makes us binge which contributed more to ED. What a cycle eh?
[Help] Please help my skin
/u/fernsandfoxes [5'5.5"|CW:109|BMI:18|GW:100|19F]
Created: Fri Sep 14 15:05:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fvtuk/please_help_my_skin/
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So I’ve been doing pretty bad lately, fasting a lot and throwing up everything I eat. So naturally my skin has gone to shit. My face is dry and pale, I’ve got terrible dark circles, and I have some acne that isn’t healing. Does anyone have any advice that might help? (besides eating normally cause that’s not really an option right now)
Ice Machine for Snackies
/u/Heartfr0st
Created: Fri Sep 14 14:57:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fvr67/ice_machine_for_snackies/
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I really love crushed ice, and recently discovered there's ice machines that you can get off Amazon that can make it! I have a silicone ice tray that kinda makes crushed-like ice, but having a machine would make things so much easier, and then I'd actually have enough ice to feed my cravings. Does anyone know of ice machines that are under $100 though?? As much as I want one, they're all way out of my budget. Maybe even a machine that crushes regular ice cubes, though all the ones I've seen have horrible reviews.
Tips for stopping c/s?
/u/coffeeandcamels [5"4.5 | 17.2 | CW: 102 | UGW: 90]
Created: Fri Sep 14 14:43:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fvmzb/tips_for_stopping_cs/
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I’ve been struggling with chewing and spitting for over 2 years now and it’s gotten out of hand. The past month or so I’ve managed to cut back A TON from what I was doing but I want to stop completely. I’m usually a cold-turkey kind of person, but this is by far one of the worst ed habits I have and it’s become a physical compulsion.
I’ve tried upping calories, chewing gum, all that - it doesn’t help. I live with my dad so I can’t just hide from the food. The only viable option I can see is to stay out of the house as much as possible but I’m a college student and a homebody. I don’t want to be running from myself 24/7, and I need to learn to deal with it anyway.
Has anyone managed to stop successfully? I’m so tired of it but it’s such an automatic thing at this point. Like, i feel like an animal hunting for food when I’m doing it. I’m 12 pounds away from my gw and i know this is slowing my weight loss down and I’m just tired of my own bullshit tbh. I’m happy to hear experiences, reward ideas, other habits, distractions, whatever!!!
Finally weighed down
/u/mabver321 [5'1 | CW 137 | GW 100| LW 6| F]
Created: Fri Sep 14 14:42:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fvmv3/finally_weighed_down/
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I dont know what I would have done if I stepped on that scale and saw a higher number. Those two intense binges didnt help
[Other] Ate over 3500 calories today, so I walked 44,000 steps.
/u/frankxcastle
Created: Fri Sep 14 14:29:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fvj0w/ate_over_3500_calories_today_so_i_walked_44000/
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It's a new personal best. The step count, not the binge.
I have no idea the amount of calories I burn when walking, so I just kept walking until night fell. I know it won't be enough though.
Has anyone else forgotten what it's like to be normal?
[Other] So I just had a monster for the first time...
/u/jasmine0326
Created: Fri Sep 14 14:07:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fvcgn/so_i_just_had_a_monster_for_the_first_time/
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And oh my god😍😍 Thanks to this thread I finally tried a monster, and it was a white monster zero.
I've been reading this sign about 25 times now and am still not convinced.
/u/HowAboutThatUsername
Created: Fri Sep 14 14:00:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fvaer/ive_been_reading_this_sign_about_25_times_now_and/
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https://i.redd.it/z5kjg5kn89m11.jpg
DEA have stomach cramps
/u/cherryxnut
Created: Fri Sep 14 13:47:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fv6fg/dea_have_stomach_cramps/
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I have been having the worst cramps in my stomach. Luckily it’s taken my most of my appetite away. It’s intense, and it almost makes me feel like I’ve just eaten and I’m full... then my stomach growls. Anyone else get these? Don’t get me wrong I am glad it took away my hunger, but I’m wondering if this is an ED thing or a potential stomach flu?
[Rant/Rave] Triggered by autocorrect
/u/BlondeActually [Height 5’4 | CW 94| BMI 16.1| HW 120| LW 89| GW 88 | F]
Created: Fri Sep 14 13:46:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fv62j/triggered_by_autocorrect/
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My autocorrect changed ‘staycation’ to ‘starvation’ just as a reminder for me to not overdo the buffets and drinks this weekend. It knows.
[Other] if you need to be triggered, watch at own risk
/u/audreyhepburnwho [no binge September.]
Created: Fri Sep 14 13:28:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fv0nn/if_you_need_to_be_triggered_watch_at_own_risk/
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Ok so I found his video hilarious and needed to share. She's you during a binge. He's your ED judging you.
​
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cUqqfU6eMwc](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cUqqfU6eMwc)
[Goal] Hit a new LW accidentally
/u/cokezeroshill [5'7.5"| 19.14 | GW 99lbs]
Created: Fri Sep 14 13:12:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fuvm4/hit_a_new_lw_accidentally/
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So I have to go to the hospital every week for ketamine infusions and because the dose depends on your weight they have to weigh me every time. It had been 2 weeks since the last time I'd been there and I had been eating more than usual and not exercising as much so going in I was expecting to have gained at least 3 pounds. I thought I looked like I had gained as well so I was pretty much certain that when I stepped on that scale it was going to be 127. Nope. 123.5 lbs. I lost a pound. I'm confused but definitely not upset. The past few weeks have been especially difficult but I guess the ED gods are smiling down on me. How comforting.
When you drive up to the Burger King window and remember too late that you forgot to hide the big bag from McDonald's where you went only 5 minutes ago
/u/HowAboutThatUsername
Created: Fri Sep 14 13:09:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fuurb/when_you_drive_up_to_the_burger_king_window_and/
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https://i.redd.it/h8n60xxl59m11.gif
[Discussion] Where is the first place you notice any weight loss? Where do you struggle the most?
/u/ThnksFrThMemeries
Created: Fri Sep 14 12:58:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9furlw/where_is_the_first_place_you_notice_any_weight/
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I’m not sure if this is an appropriate post but I will delete if it is.
Over the years of struggling with this, I’ve noticed that the first place I lose weight is in my collarbones and then my face shortly after. My thighs are next but they take a little longer.
My belly is the hardest, unfortunately 😕
What about y’all?
[Other] a dilemma
/u/planetskinny
Created: Fri Sep 14 12:55:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fuqj1/a_dilemma/
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hi. so... i’m obviously struggling with disordered eating (and the only reason i call it that is because i haven’t been diagnosed with anything). you guys out of everyone would know that.
anyway, onto the actual content.
i’m going to italy and greece in the beginning of april or sometime near then for a school trip. for the sake of time (and the reader’s sanity), i’ll just summarize what i’m thinking.
• i’m not sure if i should recover so i can actually enjoy the trip. my parents are paying for it and i’d feel eternally ungrateful if all i thought were disordered thoughts about food/weight/etc.
• this honestly just motivates me? because by then i could definitely be at my ugw. like,,, i could lose 2 lbs a week and be at my ugw by then!
• and if at was at my ugw, i could try to maintain? so it would be higher cals and stuff like that but that’s so terrifying to me.
• i’m nervous because the food in italy is going to be expensive. but, i could just buy salad i suppose so i save money and can buy more souvenirs. (see! i’m already planning how to minimize calories! i hate this way of thinking so much. ugh.)
also, i don’t want recovery advice! i’m just really conflicted between recovering and staying in my current mental state. ugggggh.
Tfw you find screenshots of instagram models on your boyfriends phone
/u/kainadian
Created: Fri Sep 14 12:49:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fuomy/tfw_you_find_screenshots_of_instagram_models_on/
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And then shares it with his friends saying he would, worth it. Or that he wants to bite their ass and sleep on it like a pillow
#feelsbadman
Gonna go starve myself now
[Discussion] DAE have weird lil bodychecks they do in public?
/u/acrsita [Height 5'7| CW 47kg | BMI 16.5| Weight Lost ??| Gender ??]
Created: Fri Sep 14 12:36:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fukdg/dae_have_weird_lil_bodychecks_they_do_in_public/
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I wrap my fingers around my wrist, feel the bones in my arms, feel my collarbones, or kinda grab my hipbone all the way around one side. I wonder if anyone notices. It’s really comforting for me.
TMI gross purging habits.
/u/SkinnyisSexy [5'7.6 |128.4|gw115|19.6| F]
Created: Fri Sep 14 12:35:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fuk9z/tmi_gross_purging_habits/
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When I was bulimic and still lived with my family I would only purge with the shower on for noise pollution. Then I ended up purging in the shower and it was so comforting, like the water was gently patting my back while I snotted and cried everywhere. This is where it gets gross... so of course showers can't handle my regurgitated chunky body soup as well as the toilet so I'd have to go fishing with my hands. Why would I do this? It's gross. I'm gross. Welp stopped purging for a long time and then started again and now I have a new technique. Its gross, but no messy vomit hands. I had a cup in the shower I used to bathe my dog, now it's a handy dandy puke cup. Easily transported to the toilet and then rinsed in the shower. I am disgusted with myself lol.
Fibre added to morning shake, fibre pills before light lunch
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 95 | 17 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Fri Sep 14 12:34:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fujs7/fibre_added_to_morning_shake_fibre_pills_before/
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Work in T-2 hours, unable to move from bathroom, pray for me
[Discussion] Apidex
/u/BasketCase0218 [5’7 | CW: 182.9 | BMI: 28.65 | WL: 0 | Female]
Created: Fri Sep 14 12:31:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fuj0l/apidex/
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Has anyone had any experience with this appetite suppressant?
I know they're just trying to be nice...
/u/GiveMeASmosh [5''2' | 101.2lb | 18.5 | -13lb | f]
Created: Fri Sep 14 12:24:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fugw8/i_know_theyre_just_trying_to_be_nice/
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But if I order a small and you give me something larger please please just agree to swap it. I was doing so well and decided to treat myself. I only drank a few sips of what I ordered because I couldn't handle the thought of accidentally drinking more than I planned for. I felt so bad, but it just ended up in the trash :(
Therapy without recovery
/u/moon___night
Created: Fri Sep 14 12:15:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fue4w/therapy_without_recovery/
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Does anyone have experience with going to therapy while also not working on recovery or wanting to recover? Does your therapist know about your ED or not?
[Rant/Rave] Sometimes I can’t believe I fucked up my relationship with one of my most basic needs
/u/Lillie1990 [5’4 | CW 128.8 | GW 115 | F]
Created: Fri Sep 14 12:07:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fubkm/sometimes_i_cant_believe_i_fucked_up_my/
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Most of the time I can just coast by and think of my disordered eating as something that I’ll stop once I get to my goal but fuck, sometimes it dawns on me that I’m really in this. I fucked up and ruined my relationship with one of my basic fucking needs. So this is a lifelong thing. Even if I recover completely from it, it will always be something I think about. Like it’s FOOD. I NEED IT TO LIVE. And when I see a plate of it I don’t think “that looks good, I think I’ll order that” I think “400? Maybe 500? Let’s go with 600. Who am I kidding this is a restaurant, there’s no way it’s under 1000.”
It freaks me out. Fucking food. I’m afraid of food. Something that I encounter every day of my life. Something that I am supposed to have every day. And I have anxiety over it. FOOD. It’s unbelievable sometimes.
The feeling when you're blindly walking through a city you don't know very well just to get your daily 15k steps in
/u/taikutsuu [5'9'' | cw: 119, -33 | 17.2 bmi | gw: 105 | 18f]
Created: Fri Sep 14 12:03:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fuaek/the_feeling_when_youre_blindly_walking_through_a/
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And then proceed to get lost and have to get new mobile data to find the train station again. At least now I can walk even more and find my way home after, and I can post this here now! Negative calories today guys, ay!
Sucks that my home city is full of criminals and I can't walk around there at night. Also, I'm walking through j town as we speak and fuck, I have a weakness for asian food of literally any kind.
Rules becoming stricter and stricter
/u/e_liz [5'7 | 126 | 19.7 | -109 | F]
Created: Fri Sep 14 12:03:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fua9g/rules_becoming_stricter_and_stricter/
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Hey guys. A few weeks ago, I had a health scare related to not eating enough, then driving and feeling like I was going to pass out. So I promised my mom and bf I would try to do better. But since then, if anything, the “rules” I set for myself are becoming more and more strict, and it just sucks. I’m right back at my 800-900 limit any day I can get away with it when I promised myself I’d try to eat up to 1,000 every day (huge difference I know, but I was trying for baby steps). Also, now I “have” to count calories in things I didn’t “have” to before. Like my drink flavorings, splenda, coffee, foods labeled zero cal, etc.
My whole goal was to be EASIER on myself from now on so I don’t worry the people around me. But I just can’t do it. I literally don’t care enough about myself to hold myself accountable to doing better. I can’t give myself permission to relax around food. Instead I want to keep punishing myself more and more because I guess I just don’t deserve to feel the happiness that I do get from food. I’m not small enough to have a problem, or sick enough to stop, so why not continue? Can anyone else relate? Just not in a good place right now.
[Discussion] Sweaters: the double edged sword
/u/Yoni1660
Created: Fri Sep 14 12:00:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fu964/sweaters_the_double_edged_sword/
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I love sweaters because I am prone to always being cold and it helps hide rapid weight loss but they MAKE ME LOOK SO FAT. I wear them year round but I’m excited for the colder weather so it’s more socially acceptable.
[Rant/Rave] DAE find expenses *increasing* with restriction?
/u/SemicolonButterfly
Created: Fri Sep 14 11:43:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fu3uo/dae_find_expenses_increasing_with_restriction/
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I’ve been low restricting this week and I swear my food-related expenses are higher even though calories have been 500 per day or less.
I mean, crappy carbs are cheap. Whereas diet soda, poweraid zero, low-carb low-cal protein powder, Himalayan salt, vitamins/diet pills, etc. add up quick.
Not to mention the spiralizer and blood-ketone monitor I’m lusting after.
It’s frustrating. But at the same time, purchasing things that I know will help me restrict kinda gives me a high.
Anyone else experience something like this?
[Rant/Rave] things people said to me when I was growing up fat and ugly
/u/sadgirl44
Created: Fri Sep 14 11:31:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fu08u/things_people_said_to_me_when_i_was_growing_up/
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I'm feeling very sad and angry. I've lost 40 pounds so far and counting. Today, I told my mom I want cosmetic surgery for my eyes. I'm Asian and I have a monolid and it's another thing people used to make fun of me for. For the first time ever, my mom told me I was pretty, didn't need surgery, and that I'm better looking than other girls. I was so mad I was seeing red... where was that reassurance when I was in my teens? I'm going to compile a list of things people told me when I was overweight between the ages of like 12-20 because I remember most of them because I just need to vent
- When I was 13, Dad told me I should start throwing up to be thinner
- Stepmom pulling up pictures of thin, Asian girls off Google and both her and my Dad asking why I can't look like that
- Mom's friend told her I'm ugly and my mom agreed
- Stepdad comparing me and my friend's appearance, told me I had a fat head, and telling us that she would find a boyfriend before me
- Guy in the back of history class whispered to his friend "sadgirl44's kind of fat isn't she?"
- Guy in my class said he would rather kill himself than watch a porn featuring me
- My friend admitting she uses me in her snapchats to make herself look better
- A man and his wife pointed at me in a grocery store, started whispering in Spanish, and laughed
- My cousin pointed out I was the fattest out of all my friends
- My aunt telling my cousin "thank God you don't look like her"
- Visiting family in China, sales associate followed me around (literally walking with me side by side) in a store and kept slapping my hand whenever I would reach for a piece of clothing because she thought I was too fat
- Guy in middle school told me I should wear a brown paper bag to cover my face
- Victoria's Secret employee seeing me grab a medium and saying "that's a medium, are you sure you're going to fit that?"
- After going out to eat, sister's boyfriend whispering to her "just give the leftovers to sadgirl44, she'll eat anything" like I'm a human garbage can
- Sister's boyfriend calling me ugly compared to my sister
Hobbies you guys have that you can do even when fatigued or have brain fog?
/u/addledd
Created: Fri Sep 14 11:05:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ftsc6/hobbies_you_guys_have_that_you_can_do_even_when/
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[Rant/Rave] Was a kg away from my ugw less than a month ago and gained it all back on a week-long holiday
/u/vhe419
Created: Fri Sep 14 11:00:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ftqro/was_a_kg_away_from_my_ugw_less_than_a_month_ago/
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After a week of heavy restricting (under 500kcal a day), I was *almost* there. I was ***basically*** there. My hipbones showed when I stood. My shoulder blades were so defined. My stomach was flatter than ever. My legs were slim and felt light as a feather when walking. My face look so beautifully sculpted. My wrists - dainty.
On top of it all, I felt **good.** I was so happy with how I looked. I didn't want to lose any more. This was it. I did it. I have the body I wanted. For a year I've struggled with plateau after plateau after plateau...but I did it. My self-consciousness vanished.
Then I had to go on holiday with my fatass family where every meal was eaten at a restaurant and dinner was always followed by desert. I had no control over anything that was going into my body. I knew I was gaining and wanted to restrict so badly, but it was impossible with my family eating every meal with me.
And now I'm back to where I was stuck at a plateau for like, the past half year.
How the hell am I supposed to get back down to my goal weight before uni starts. How could I have been such an idiot?
Tip for slimmer legs overnight!
/u/ketchupbomb
Created: Fri Sep 14 10:59:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ftqac/tip_for_slimmer_legs_overnight/
---
I recently came back from Japan where I got a pair of compression leggings that you're supposed to wear to sleep. And HOLY CRAP do they make a difference! It's most noticeable after 2-3 nights and it's pretty damn amazing.
They're called Dr. Scholl Medi QTTO, and they have several different lengths. I have the purple ones that go up to your waist, but I got my mom a pair of the black ones (with hip support I think) and she really likes them too.
My favorite pastime is ordering things at the drive thru but then driving out of line.
/u/teahontas
Created: Fri Sep 14 10:56:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ftpmm/my_favorite_pastime_is_ordering_things_at_the/
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I don’t do it on purpose, I just regret it as soon as I say it.
I’ll spend an entire hour working myself up to order something to eat/drink before I go back to work. I drive around my entire lunch hour trying to convince myself of what to get. Then I make a “decision” and order, but the second the words come out my mouth, I instantly regret it. So I drive off and go back to work because now I’ve ran out of time during my lunch.
[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Rave] I got antidepressants and my life has changed a lot.
/u/idontevenliketeatbh [23F 5'3" | cw.147 | ugw.100 | lost.63lbs ☕ ]
Created: Fri Sep 14 10:44:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ftm4i/rantrave_i_got_antidepressants_and_my_life_has/
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So since August 2017, I've lost about 60lbs. I got married that August and I was devastated when the pictures came back and I looked like a busted can of biscuits in my dress. I tried to lose the weight "healthily" but it didn't come off fast enough and I'd get discouraged. Cue proed eating habits. I started restricting to 1000, then 900, then 600. I lost a ton of weight in about 4 months. But I was depressed and I figured the restrictions weren't helping. So I ate at maintenance from about April to now. I'm 149 atm, still overweight. And until about a month ago, still depressed. So I was like not restricting didn't make a difference, I'm still depressed. I got some medication for that and now I'm a real neurotypical™ but something else happened when I got in the meds.
My hunger is... Normal? I feel hungry, I eat a small amount, and feel full. Wtf! I've never felt not hungry after eating except when abusing caffeine/ephedrine (which is a no no on these meds) Maybe normal isn't the right word, but I feel like those people we all know who eat one piece of pizza and go, ugh I'm so full! How could I eat more?! Basically annoyingly "naturally" skinny people. I ate my normal 3 pieces of pizza and my stomach was over full, bloated, awful feeling. It's so weird, like i got weight loss surgery. This med is one of the most weight neutral antidepressants, but it's like it rewired my mind and stomach. I don't know what my point in writing this is, but I just feel happy and wanted to share if maybe someone is thinking about getting medicated for their depression or mental illnesses.
Anyone else feel physically awful after eating?
/u/Milkmaiden_
Created: Fri Sep 14 10:36:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ftjoi/anyone_else_feel_physically_awful_after_eating/
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Just broke a 48hr fast, I was feeling really good. I mean not incredibly good, but not miserable. Then I decided to eat and I just feel physically terrible, like my heart rate is going too fast, slightly light headed, I'm nauseous and am burping a LOT. I ate plain pierogi and sauteed vegetables in a tiny bit of oil, I've eaten this 100 times with no ill effects. I am pretty new to fasting too... I just wish I could not eat if this is what eating does! If this does happen to you what can you do to avoid it? Bleh I just want this feeling to stop
[Rant/Rave] DAE get sort of excited when bad things happen to you because it makes it easier to restrict?
/u/InTheGecko [172cm (5'6) | 61.5kg (135lbs) | BMI: 20.6 | -12.5kg | F | 23yo]
Created: Fri Sep 14 10:12:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ftcen/dae_get_sort_of_excited_when_bad_things_happen_to/
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I just very bluntly asked one of my housemates to sleep with me, we were making out at a party the other night and my other housemate (who I'm also sleeping with - complex situation) said she wanted to have a threesome but I think threesomes go better when everyone's slept together one on one first so told I told him no, that we should wait. Tonight when she got home from work I asked her to come to bed and she was like, really not interested so idk if he made the whole thing up or whatever but I'm SO EMBARRASSED. like, fucking RIP lol. I feel like such a fucking creep omg. Embarrassment is one of my biggest triggers and I know that even though this is a small thing that it's gonna fuel my restriction for a long ass time. Aaaaaaaaaa I have to live in a house with her 😩😩😩😩
I used to wish I had an ED
/u/Whoevera
Created: Fri Sep 14 09:57:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ft7k3/i_used_to_wish_i_had_an_ed/
---
I was always one of the bigger girls from my pre-teen years all the way throughout high school. I remember wishing I could have an ED (bad I know) just so I could lose weight and be like all the other girls. but I had absolutely no control when it came to food, and would eat and eat crap all day long.
In college I lost 50 pounds by cutting out junk food and shrinking portion sizes.
It caused me to become even more fixated with food and now, over a year later, I can’t stop binge eating again like I did throughout my teen years except now its binging healthy foods that used to be “safe” during my weight loss. And it’s like I look in the mirror and see myself with those 50 pounds back on when its really only been 5 or even maintenance (depending on what I consider my lowest intentional weight) and I am more insecure in my body than ever.
I coming to terms with my ED, (even tho I still feel like I’m not “sick enough”). I wish I could sit here and say the younger me who yearned for it was wrong but ana kind of feels like my friend or like home so I’m just 100% twisted thanks for coming to my TED talk
Side note this community is my saviour thank you guys i love you all and hope you have a beautiful weekend
[Discussion] Said I wouldn’t weigh myself daily...
/u/moonchldx
Created: Fri Sep 14 09:57:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ft7cq/said_i_wouldnt_weigh_myself_daily/
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But I totally did this morning...
Didn’t think I’d see a lower number on the scale since I’m expecting my period any day now!
Do you have any safe foods you allow yourself during your time of the month?
I allow myself hot Cheetos they are my weakness!
Anyways: does anyone know how to add the blue info next to your name? I know it can only be done on the computer which I’ve tried but I need like step by step instructions apparently haha
Please & thank you!!
xx
[Other] Accidentally inhaled a bug during a meeting...sign not to eat or unexpected ~*protein*~? Share in my embarrassment.
/u/WantsToPetAllTheDogs
Created: Fri Sep 14 09:56:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ft73j/accidentally_inhaled_a_bug_during_a_meetingsign/
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Waiting for Hurricane Florence to hit, and thought y’all might get a kick out of sharing in my embarrassment.
Met with my mentor to finalize some plans for upcoming meetings - decided to meet at a pizza spot downtown (I hadn’t eaten all day so I was ok with the thought of one slice).
We were talking about how the last year of law school is hectic and exhausting (I’m a 3L), and we got in line to order.
Y’all, I shit you not, when the cashier turned to me and asked what I would like to order, I inhaled to speak and a gnat FLEW. INTO. MY. MOUTH. and I SWALLOWED. A. GNAT.
I started coughing and it just wouldn’t stop, so of COURSE I get embarrassed and start turning red and nervous sweating. Coughed out “I think I just... inhaled a gnat... but uh, protein, right?” *awkward silence* Cashier asked what I’d like on my slice, “cheese please, no protein.” 🤦♀️
Hope anyone reading this in the path of Florence is staying safe! Side note: F gnats.
My period is going to kill me
/u/buenothot
Created: Fri Sep 14 09:36:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ft0ty/my_period_is_going_to_kill_me/
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I gained 2 pounds OVERNIGHT even though I stuck to my calorie limit. Good thing is I’m not hungry at all and it’s making me puke, bad thing is it’s giving me chest pain and making me miserable.
I never really 'recovered'
/u/eIIa_ [5'6'' | 145 | 23 | -1.6 | F]
Created: Fri Sep 14 09:27:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fsy1d/i_never_really_recovered/
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struggled with an ED all through high school and in grade 12 I got help from a counsellor. for like 6 months and she really helped a lot. five years later I still am obsessed with food and i think about it every day, constantly.
every day basically instead of working i'm worried about what i ate for breakfast or what i am eating for dinner. if anything.
like, i'm eating too much, i'm eating the wrong foods, one day I feel comfortable eating quinoa the next day i'm afraid of anything with carbs. I dont know what to do:(
i just want to be eating only clean pure foods but sometimes i dont even know what that really means with all the conflicting information out there
[Discussion] DAE look at food when you're hungry
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | CW : 114| GW: 110 | UGW: 105| Female]
Created: Fri Sep 14 09:25:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fsxkc/dae_look_at_food_when_youre_hungry/
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I like to google pictures of pizza or wing or burgers but never eat or order it. Then I usually weight myself and the cravings stop. Does anyone else do this?
Heart Issues?
/u/meltsplitopenandmelt
Created: Fri Sep 14 09:21:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fswe0/heart_issues/
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Do any of you suffer from heart issues? I find I've been really bothered by my heart whenever I get down to a certain weight and I feel like I'm forced to eat more :/ I guess it's serious, but it's frustrating, like how do girls get so crazy skinny without problems?
Hot Take: “Intermittent fasting” is just a fancy way of saying “skipping meals” with less negative connotations.
/u/gengar001
Created: Fri Sep 14 09:12:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fstku/hot_take_intermittent_fasting_is_just_a_fancy_way/
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🤷🏼♀️
[Help] help!!! having to take meds
/u/skinny-star-boy
Created: Fri Sep 14 09:08:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fssb9/help_having_to_take_meds/
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so my biggest problem rn is that i have to eat breakfast every day i work (5 days a week at least) because have to take my pain meds and i can’t take them on an empty stomach (don’t want to fuck up my stomach more and also they don’t work as well) so does anyone have any suggestions on what i could eat that’s filling but not a lot of calories?? (also fair warning i have a lot of restrictions being vegan, allergies to all nuts along with bananas and avocados) please help i’m kinda desperate
[Other] Anyone else not gay/bi but weird about girls?
/u/dew_berry
Created: Fri Sep 14 09:05:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fsrei/anyone_else_not_gaybi_but_weird_about_girls/
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I feel like I check out other girls more than guys do, especially on days that I'm feeling bad about my body. Like sometimes I'll just be walking and I'll see a super beautiful girl and just kind of walk behind her and look at her while she walks. I'm positive that I'm totally straight though. Younger me used to think I might be bi for a bit but I eventually realized that the way I look about girls is not about wanting them it's about wanting to become them.
[Discussion] Thinspo for short girls
/u/Brookie696 [5'1"| 105 |20]
Created: Fri Sep 14 08:47:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fsmap/thinspo_for_short_girls/
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Does anyone else find it hard to find body goals because every celebrity is like 5 inches taller than you? I feel like the only person I can really relate to in the media is Ariana Grande lol. Anyone else have this issue?
Thinspo for shirt girls
/u/Brookie696 [5'1"| 105 |20]
Created: Fri Sep 14 08:45:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fslj6/thinspo_for_shirt_girls/
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Does anyone else that’s short have a hard time finding celebrities as body goals or thinspo? I feel like the only person in the media I can really relate to as a short girl is Ariana Grande, lol. Anyone else have this issue or no?
[Other] Imagine..
/u/lilith2569
Created: Fri Sep 14 08:37:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fsj0x/imagine/
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Waking up used to suck. Well, technically it still sucks but just not as much. You roll over and sit up on the edge of the bed and stretch your arms above your head. The mirror is across from you and as you stretch you see how skinny you are now. The ribs that expand and contract beautifully, perfectly visible. The collarbones and dips they form. A smile comes to your face and you stare into that mirror. All those months of restricting and exercising and working paid off. Ana whispers in your ear “you look good, but not as good as me.” She is already dressed in leggings and a sports bra, her hair up in a ponytail sleek and shiny. You jump up and dress quickly, donning the same outfit. She’s right. Not as good as her. Good. But not as good. You go for a quick run around the neighborhood and come back home to shower.
Getting dressed used to be so stressful. Laughing to yourself you grab some skinny stretchy jeans and a black long sleeve. Ana says “damn girl! Those hip bones!” You look down and yes, those hip bones! You slide the jeans on and god does it feel good to not be squeezed and stuffed like a sausage in them. The relief is so powerful you let out a shaky breath and smile. You need to hurry if you want time for coffee and green juice from the cafe down the road from your job. Checking yourself in the mirror before you leave is euphoric. Chunky boots accentuate your long skinny legs. The black long sleeve fits and is a tad loose around your belly. Your oversized cardigan will keep you warm. Your face is thin and angular, eyes big and shining, cheekbones and jawline sharp as glass. Skin smooth and white as porcelain. You look good. And you didn’t even try hard. Your stomach grumbles and Ana softly laughs. “You look good baby. Really good. But we can look better..” You nod and as you head out the door Ana comes with you, thank god. She keeps you in check. In control. So you can be perfect.
Family and friends are noticing!
/u/lilgreentea
Created: Fri Sep 14 08:20:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fse65/family_and_friends_are_noticing/
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I started restricting again a couple weeks ago, and a couple coworkers have commented that I look like I've lost weight which feels awesome! Also I live with my parents and this morning my dad told me that he's really noticed my weight loss and that it's inspirational to him 😊
[Other] Keeping the Birds Alive
/u/lilith2569
Created: Fri Sep 14 08:13:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fsc2c/keeping_the_birds_alive/
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Sitting here at my desk barely awake and reflecting. Once upon a time I was 135 lbs. I remember what I did to get there. I can do it again. Yesterday was good. I was 53 calories over 1000 so I won’t complain. I ran 2 miles and lifted weights last night. This morning one of the sweet office ladies came and told me “honey I know you don’t eat enough to keep a bird alive, but just so you know there is food in the back if you want some at lunchtime.” That made me happy. And there are green beans so I’ll eat a good helping of those. I won’t weigh myself until Monday. Which will be motivation for this weekend to keep it under control. I’m so glad it’s Friday. I’m tired of talking to people.
[Rant/Rave] Feeling like a massive troll in Korea **TW**
/u/linedryonly [5'5"♀| CW 135 | SW 145 | LW 102 | GW 110]
Created: Fri Sep 14 07:59:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fs81g/feeling_like_a_massive_troll_in_korea_tw/
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I've been walking 2 hours in my city every night and I feel like such an ogre around all the women here. I feel like people are looking at me and judging how fat/ugly I am. Feeling totally worthless right now.
[Rant/Rave] Those who save their calories for alcohol are braver than U.S Marines
/u/ISetMyGnomesOnFire
Created: Fri Sep 14 07:41:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fs330/those_who_save_their_calories_for_alcohol_are/
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As usual i didnt eat till around 6:30PM. My mom made pomegranate martini's so i figured i could have one and an apple and be okay.
​
B O Y W A S I W R O N G
​
woke up and threw up everywhere. feel like crap. work will be brutal.
yall got guts to do this on the reg.
[Help] poop timing question (tmi sorry)
/u/disbeetch [5'3'' | 120 | 21.3 | -48 | F]
Created: Fri Sep 14 07:37:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fs277/poop_timing_question_tmi_sorry/
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so a few years ago every day when i woke up i had to poop right away. my morning routine was wake up, poop, weigh myself, then get ready for the day. it was PERFECT because when i weighed myself i knew i was the emptiest i'd be that day (poop got out, no food/water got in yet) so i felt confident that it would be my LW for the day. i dont know what happened, but now my bowel schedule is off so that it happens every day without fail like an hour after i get to school. it's really harshing my vibe because 1. why would i want to go at school when i can go in my own bathroom and like... listen to a podcast and 2. its fucking up my weighing schedule!!!
​
tldr, does anyone have advice on how to shift my poop schedule a few hours earlier so i can get back to empty weigh ins?
[Help] does anybody else bruise really easily??
/u/seeyasis
Created: Fri Sep 14 07:37:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fs23p/does_anybody_else_bruise_really_easily/
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my iron levels have been tested and they’re fine, but it seems like whenever my eating is particularly disorded - purging or restricting - i bruise suuuuper easily. i look like a banana that got thrown down a flight of stairs. i also feel as if this draws more attention to my body and i’m even more insecure.
does anybody else bruise like this? and is there anything that can be done to prevent it (apart from not being clumsy... i already figured 😋) or to help them fade? x
[Rant/Rave] STILL seething from a comment my doc made over a week ago
/u/slaywacher [5'9" | CW:115 | 23F]
Created: Fri Sep 14 07:17:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9frwwg/still_seething_from_a_comment_my_doc_made_over_a/
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I moved to 3000 miles to a new state a few months ago. Despite being half-assedly engaged in recovery efforts, I was at my LW (ignore my flair, I’m on mobile, but def heavier now). I saw a counselor and my dr regularly in order to stay medicated.
I had been procrastinating seeing a new doc here, bc I had a 90 day supply of all the meds I needed. You’d think my dumbass would have saw my supply getting low, but still somehow when I ran completely out of things, I was fucking shocked by surprise.
So I scrambled to try to get my medical records sent to the new doctor, but couldn’t on such short notice. When I went to the new doc and the medical assistant took my vitals and asked about my medical history, she then switched the topic and asked “do you have any current medical conditions or concerns?”
I told her, clear as day, “I have an eating disorder.” This bitch responds with, “Have, or *had*?”
Now I realize she was just trying to clarify, but it still felt invalidating and like I wasn’t “Ana-enough” to deserve seeking treatment.
I was able to brush it off at the time as I was in withdrawals from my meds, but now as I lie awake at 3am, I’m seething.
Sooo learn from this thoughtless persons mistake... let’s all just be kind and mindful of our words. You can’t take them back, and you never know when something you think is small and innocuous will keep someone up at night.
Be kind. Be mindful. Be humble.
TL;DR three little words at my new doctors office made me feel like I didn’t deserve treatment.
[Help] Hysterical in a bad way. I don't know how I've gained 10 pounds since June
/u/LeithLeoni
Created: Fri Sep 14 06:55:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9frr8r/hysterical_in_a_bad_way_i_dont_know_how_ive/
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This is probably relatable to everyone.
​
I'm not in recovery. I'm 5'7", 27, and was 115 (but that was high for my usual 113) when I moved to a new city for a new job. I also had certain measurements that aren't interesting. Slowly but surely, my measurements and weight have crept up. Today, my measurements are the highest they have been since 2016. I'm not weighing myself, but my weight is certainly above 120. I have boobs that weren't there before.
​
The thing is, I'm not aware of what I'm doing wrong. My diet doesn't contain carbs, except for occasional chocolate that I chew/spit out. I drink socially maybe once a week, and it's always Tito's vodka and soda water. I don't have a lot of dietary fat, either. I basically just eat egg whites, chicken, spinach. The only new thing is that I drink a lot of the shitty CVS 0 cal flavored seltzer water. How on earth can I be gaining weight?
​
I was on Vyvanse for awhile to control a big binging episode. I got off of it recently because it was making me insane. I've been back on bronkaid/coffee for about a week and a half, and I have \*gained since then\*!
​
What do I do, guys? I'm at the end of my rope. Do I take a week off of work to just... starve myself? Back in March, I ate nothing but coconut oil for 2 weeks and of course lost 10 pounds, but that was all water weight. And I've never been able to have the body I had, and liked before that (I did it because of harmful bacteria in my gut). Before the coconut oil thing, I did PSMF and it really, really worked well. But now I'm terrified of vegetables because they make me hold water. I literally don't eat vegetables except for spinach once a week.
​
Any advice, please send my way. What do you do when you have random weight gain? Should I go on a coconut oil fast, or should I trust PSMF (which is super easy to google) and eat my iceberg lettuce and cauliflower again? I'm ready to self-harm a lot.
[Help] Tell me i can stick to my goals please
/u/softdyke
Created: Fri Sep 14 06:36:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9frmon/tell_me_i_can_stick_to_my_goals_please/
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I went on holiday and ate like shit and just need some encouragement that I CAN get back to restricting/fasting and that a couple of days isn’t a disaster
I feel okay today and have been fasting so hopefully this weekend won’t be too bad and I can manage to eat as little as I can without my partner mentioning anything
Hope you’re all doing okay! How is your day going so far? X
Today is a rough day physically
/u/trytostay
Created: Fri Sep 14 06:20:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9frips/today_is_a_rough_day_physically/
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I keep feeling like I’m going to pass out. I think it’s general exhaustion coupled with lack of food. I got a large iced coffee and had them put cream and sugar in it, so hopefully that will help, but that means that I’m not going to want to eat anything until dinner...
The thing is, I’m a nanny. I feel like me being this out of it and weak physically is actually somewhat putting the little girl I watch at danger, or at the very least causing me to not be very beneficial to her development. I’m supposed to play with her, read to her, take her to the park, be happy and excited and make her feel loved. That’s literally my job: just to make sure she has a fun, learning-filled day. And I just can’t get off the couch to engage with her the way she needs. :(
I’m exhausted and the coffee didn’t help very much. It’s only 8am. It’s gonna be a long day and I have to take her, her stroller, and everything else she needs via public transportation to her music class soon. Ugh.
[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! September 14, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Sep 14 06:12:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9frgwr/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread/
---
This is the weekly picture thread for September 14, 2018.
Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!
1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**
2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*
3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.
4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD
**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**
*****
Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! September 14, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Sep 14 06:12:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9frgvm/daily_food_diary_september_14_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for September 14, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
I lost 5 lbs this week!!!
/u/PM_ME_BrusselSprouts [5'3" | CW: 165 | BMI: 30.0 | 33, F]
Created: Fri Sep 14 06:02:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9freiz/i_lost_5_lbs_this_week/
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Hey guys! I posted a few days ago in tears, worrying that my high restricting & exercising wasn't working... Well Friday is my weigh in day and I lost 5 lbs. I'm very happy since I started my period this week and I ate more last night then I was planning to (still under 1000 cals). I am hoping for another 3-5 lbs this week (I'm at a high weight rn) when my body returns to normal post-period and with a few days of fasting in. Very happy I waited to weigh in for a few days, and happy that I can be happy about weight loss even though my brain is telling me I shouldn't have gained in the first place.
Happy Friday, ladies and gentlemen!
[Help] question about belly fat
/u/robotwithadream [5'7" | CW: 132.6 | GW: 110 | F |]
Created: Fri Sep 14 05:59:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9frds9/question_about_belly_fat/
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https://i.redd.it/6bovspyl17m11.jpg
Progress!! I'm not caring as much about weight gain
/u/kingarthersixties [166cm | CW: 130lbs| GW: 126lbs]
Created: Fri Sep 14 05:57:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9frd7s/progress_im_not_caring_as_much_about_weight_gain/
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I just put on some jeans I haven't worn in like.,,,,,,8 months, and they I had to do the thing where you jump up while pulling them in. But I feel nothing!!!! I don't think I should restrict or anything!!!! So that's good!!! bUt, I've been having a small binging problem except it's less binging and more just me eating a lot. I'm in college and I thought it would be easier to lose weight, but I think I'm gaining. My measurements are about the same, my waist and stomach belly button being kind of smaller. So idk what that means. but I'm going off of memory because idk where my little list is of my measurements, and I may have even gained an inch around my thighs?
Idk just wanted to share some progress. I don't have an ED but I have some disordered eating habits, and before this would have upset me more I think. :D
Progress!! I'm not caring as much about weight gain
/u/kingarthersixties [166cm | CW: 130lbs| GW: 126lbs]
Created: Fri Sep 14 05:57:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9frd78/progress_im_not_caring_as_much_about_weight_gain/
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I just put on some jeans I haven't worn in like.,,,,,,8 months, and they I had to do the thing where you jump up while pulling them in. But I feel nothing!!!! I don't think I should restrict or anything!!!! So that's good!!! bUt, I've been having a small binging problem except it's less binging and more just me eating a lot. I'm in college and I thought it would be easier to lose weight, but I think I'm gaining. My measurements are about the same, my waist and stomach belly button being kind of smaller. So idk what that means. but I'm going off of memory because idk where my little list is of my measurements, and I may have even gained an inch around my thighs?
Idk just wanted to share some progress. I don't have an ED but I have some disordered eating habits, and before this would have upset me more I think. :D
[Discussion] Massive headache and fever(?)
/u/melithescrawny [5'1| CW 116 | GW 99 | F]
Created: Fri Sep 14 05:52:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9frc7z/massive_headache_and_fever/
---
I've been really cold all week, my hands and feet feel freezing to touch. I thought it would stop if I ate something but now I'm thinking it's just my period coming up again
Anyone else have a week of feeling very sick before their period?
[Rant/Rave] No weight loss this week :/
/u/grapedates
Created: Fri Sep 14 05:22:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fr5pc/no_weight_loss_this_week/
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So I’ve been consistent for 2 weeks- never went over 1000 cals, not purging much, walking a few miles most days. I weighed in this morning and I’m EXACTLY the same weight I was 1 week ago :/ what gives? I know I’m tracking all my calories correctly, in fact I think I overestimate them most times. It’s so discouraging and makes me want to fast so I can see some results- but I don’t want to binge and ruin the streak I have going. Ugh.
[Help] Group chats?
/u/YourSheepsBoyfriend
Created: Fri Sep 14 05:13:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fr3pc/group_chats/
---
Anyone know or have any group chats
Want to join please
[Discussion] DAE has a clean eating obsession even though not orthorexic?
/u/AspergersAndCoffee [5'2F | Last recorded weight 93 | SW 100 | Starting therapy soon]
Created: Fri Sep 14 04:42:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fqxjo/dae_has_a_clean_eating_obsession_even_though_not/
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I have anorexia and I have my main hyperfixation on, of course, calories.
I think the science of weight loss is CICO.
But I also barely eat junk. I avoid it as much as I can.
I don't eat refined sugar, I don't eat processed stuff...Even though the Oreos I have in the pantry are tempting af and I could work it in my maintenance calories (trying not to restrict because i'm trying to fight my ED but I still count my calories because I'd freak out and not eat anything if I wouldn't) I will not eat them because I heard junk food contributes to weight gain more than natural food.
Probably BS but I'm too paranoid about weight gain and after reading all those 'I only ate 500kcal of junk a day, nothing more, and gained 1000 pounds!2121!' stories I don't want this to happen.
Perhaps I am the only one who thinks this. I’m drunk and made this and maybe only you guys will understand
/u/Arcadian_Archangel [5’9|🍑: arcadianskye]
Created: Fri Sep 14 04:31:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fqvk1/perhaps_i_am_the_only_one_who_thinks_this_im/
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https://i.redd.it/px9vdscxl6m11.jpg
[Discussion] Anyone else get very little satisfaction from seeing their weight decrease unless it's a new LW?
/u/markexclamationmark
Created: Fri Sep 14 04:28:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fquyk/anyone_else_get_very_little_satisfaction_from/
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My weight fluctuates a ton due to emotional binge periods then restriction periods. Even if I work hard and manage to lose some weight, if I'm not reaching new lows my brain goes "uh YEAH this where you are SUPPOSED to be! Congrats on doing the bare minimum 😒"
It's so demotivating, hence why I'm not going to weigh myself for a few more weeks or until I can see in the mirror that I'm approaching my LW
Note: my LW was still only a 23.5 BMI
[Rant/Rave] i ended my longest relationship almost entirely because it made me gain weight
/u/arthroego
Created: Fri Sep 14 03:53:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fqogi/i_ended_my_longest_relationship_almost_entirely/
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long post/kinda rant about being conflicted on this situation
so i had been dating this guy on/off (mostly on) since last october, and we broke up for good a few weeks ago. i was around 128-132 i think the day we met and in a huge restrict cycle. we met through tinder and chiefed and got pho and started hanging out to watch tv and play video games, setting the tone for what we'd do the entire time we dated.
all my ex and i did together was smoke and eat. he'd show affection through food too, whenever we'd hang out he'd get food and bring me some without asking, which was a nice gesture, but super enabled my binge eating since i literally cant refuse food thats offered to me..... and being baked all the time didnt help. he was also bulking for lifting at the time so his idea of a portion was disgustingly huge, and since i slept at his house all the time i stopped weighing myself regularly, and after 2 weeks i became afraid to. stressed me out to the point i started binging on my own too. flash forward to january, i finally step on the scale. 1 fucking 5 fucking 9. 3 months. 30 lb gain. repress repress repress. instead of triggering a huge restricting cycle, binges just got worse and worse and i felt so bad about myself i started keeping my clothes on almost every single time we had sex.
my hell brain ™ started blaming it entirely on him. he was a very insecure, jealous, possessive dude... like, he'd get mad when i'd hang out with my guy friend i had known platonically for SEVEN YEARS because he wasnt there with me to make sure my friend wouldnt "try" anything. so my brain starts being like "hes making you fat so no one else will want you and you wont want to be seen naked by anyone" and the once-sweet gestures of bringing me food started making me irrationally upset. i ended up slowing down the weight gain, and from February to late august i "only" gained 6 pounds. still avoided the scale, until the day we broke up. i had just moved into my dorm for this year, and my scale was set up in the bathroom so i decided to weigh myself after i peed. 164 ://///////// i had a panic attack. my highest recorded weight was 2 years ago at 177 after 1 month of dieting before weighing in. i was a stones throw from being as fat as i was in highschool.
i SERIOUSLY called him later to come over and talk and broke up with him on the spot. like i said this whole "i need to focus on myself and school" thing and in my head i was just like i cant get any fatter and i know itll be 100x easier without you getting sad when i dont wanna go on any food dates or sit on my fat ass and smoke weed all day.
its been 4 weeks and im 150.2 as of 3 hours ago. i dont.... feel great about my body yet? but like i stopped being able to feel my ribs or seeing even a hint of my collarbones this summer, all my clothes were way too tight, and my face started getting round like the moon. i still feel and know im a fucking fatass but my collarbones have started being ~barely~ there again, but faint lines are there. my stomach doesnt poke out above my ribs when i lay down. my waist went from 32-33 (constantly bloated from all the binging) to 28.5-29 now, more of my clothes fit or will again in the next 5-10 lbs... and omg the rush of weighing myself and seeing any drop and using that as fuel to eat less and less and getting compliments from people who didnt see me since the 4 weeks i started restricting... im so happy. im probably gonna hit the 140s this week, and im aiming to be 130 by halloween and 110 by the end of the semester.
but on the flip side i feel so, so bad and so selfish that 75% of my problems in dating an otherwise great guy were because i cant control myself around food and him enabling me to binge eat. like holy shit..... he's been intermittently texting me stuff about how he's feeling and how torn up and confused he is and i can't even bring myself to read it because i literally left him out of the blue, 2 weeks before we were supposed to go to a wedding together (but fuck seeing photos of me from that wouldve made me suicidal lol), a month before a concert we bought seats together to, among other things. he's having such a hard time, and i really only miss having someone to sleep next to bc the high of restricting heavy and dropping 2-3 lbs a week outweighs anything else.
like, there were other issues and tbh some of them were probably more ~serious~ but they didnt really bother me. what bothered me was getting so, so fat. i couldnt even look at myself and stopped taking care of myself because i hated looking down in the shower, so i was always greasy with no makeup wearing a massive sweatshirt with sweatpants bc 1) none of my clothes fit 2) hiding my body.
im just like???? great, not disordered "enough" to be thin but im disordered enough to have weight gain consume me to the point of making me almost hate my ex and now weight loss making me happy enough to negate all the good things i should probably miss but dont he did for me. just yikes. and lol who the fuck drops 14 pounds in 4 weeks like 4-6 were def bloat weight but thats still like 3-4 lbs a week and if anything im starting to lose faster and faster bc each loss fuels me to eat less and its just like ?????? guess this is a problem again. guess ill ignore it like usual and ride the wave until im not a total lard ass again lol
sorry for the wall of text shouting into the void. i feel like a huge crazy bitch about this and i dont want my friends to look down on me :/ but ive been thinking about it so much i cant sleep
[Discussion] How do y’all do it?
/u/squishyskeleton [Height 5”5 | CW 52kg | GW David Bowie's lowest | BMI 18.9 ]
Created: Fri Sep 14 03:43:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fqmon/how_do_yall_do_it/
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So I’ve been fasting this week for twenty hours a day or more and on two of the days I’ve drunken a bunch of coffee. Maybe not a good combination. But the coffee especially has made me super sick. First day, I felt like my heart was trying to leap out of my skin, it was all out of wack my usually normal resting heart rate had now quickly shot up to 95-100 and then today I literally can’t stand up without wanting to vomit.
How do y’all drink coffee on an empty stomach? I swear caffeine never usually effects me this way but I can’t even have two coffees without dying.
Hey
/u/littlebabby
Created: Fri Sep 14 03:27:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fqjqd/hey/
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Y’all I really wanna purge rn? I’m drunk as hell and I just binged in McDonald’s. I’m sitting on my bathroom floor and I rlly wanna vomit it out bc it hurts so fucking bad. Help
[Rant/Rave] Binge queen
/u/notworthausername [5'7" | 28F | 20.45 | CW: 131 // floatingspirit]
Created: Fri Sep 14 02:51:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fqdgm/binge_queen/
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I cannot stop eating. Back and forth of eating a row of Newman-O’s, purging hardly anything, being so full you get anxiety, swallow stool softeners and senna and a lax.... then you’re okay for a bit, no anxiety. (After eating a side salad, chicken tender, sushi roll, miso soup, and dessert, mind you.)
“Wait I need Mac and cheese.”
La la la. * boils water *
“I’ll only cook half the pasta but all of the cheese with no butter or milk.”
Continues to watch Netflix. Mindlessly eats Mac and cheese but before I’m done I’ll puke some. Go back for more, no wait I’m a pig, I’ll C/S this bite of Mac and cheese back into the Mac and cheese so I won’t eat the rest of the Mac and cheese.
La la la. * eats two more Newman-O’s *
This is why I’ve gained 20lbs in six months. Binge binge binge, purge like shit, binge. Fast. BINNNNGEEEEEEE.
How many times am I going to “start over”
[Rant/Rave] I relapsed hard.
/u/wannathrowyouaway
Created: Fri Sep 14 02:39:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fqbf8/i_relapsed_hard/
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I've started fasting again, and restricting during my eating window. I know I'll drop weight soon, which makes me happy.
I hate being at this weight, I need to get back to my low weight of 45 kg. Fuck recovery, it's not for me.
I don't even feel the urge to binge, I eat just to get some nutrients but nothing more. I feel numb towards food, nothing sounds good. I guess being poor helps, if I don't have food in the house I can't eat even if I wanted.
But yeah, I'm sick of being fat. Sick of "You're not fat, but you're not skinny either". Sick of being "thick". Sick of my old clothes not fitting anymore.
This time I won't give up.
[Rant/Rave] I can’t take it anymore
/u/dreamedotcom
Created: Fri Sep 14 02:27:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fq9ll/i_cant_take_it_anymore/
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I’ve been binging for 4 days. I hate myself so much and I can’t stop. I’m not even purging #recovery (fml). My bf is so sick of me. I’m so sick of me. I can’t get out of the cycle and I feel so Fukin huge. Someone please help me to stop 😭😭😭😭 I’d be happy even to eat at maintenance
I had an IV iron infusion yesterday, has anyone had success with them?
/u/bangsofsteel2 [5"3/BMI 19ish/ (made a new account)]
Created: Fri Sep 14 02:00:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fq58m/i_had_an_iv_iron_infusion_yesterday_has_anyone/
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Basically my ferretin levels are stupid low and have up and down with my ED for years, yesterday I got an iron booster via IV.
I'm sure my anaemia has been causing me to binge for months now - specifically sugar cravings which are a symptom of low iron.
Can anyone share their experience of the effects of sorting out their iron deficiency? So far I feel... I think a little better? Main thing is I have no appetite to speak of atm so that's a plus!
Is cooking spray really 0 calories?
/u/angelakarui
Created: Fri Sep 14 01:45:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fq2qk/is_cooking_spray_really_0_calories/
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It says 0 calories for “1/4 second spray”, but I tend to saturate whatever pan I’m cooking in for a couple seconds in lieu of using actual oil. How accurate is this?
[Other] Should I eat when I get home?
/u/blood-n-caffiene
Created: Fri Sep 14 00:15:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fpmnx/should_i_eat_when_i_get_home/
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Yeah, this is dumb lol. But it’s 11 pm, I just got off work, and the only meals I’ve had today are avocado toast for breakfast and a Quest bar on my lunch break. Granted, I did have a Mexican mocha with the avo toast, but it wasn’t like I ate a bunch today, and it’d be like hummus and veggies - definitely not a big, heavy meal.
Also, I am planning on not eating before I work out. Trying out fasted cardio as a regular thing. Idk 😐
[Rant/Rave] I actually did it today
/u/kayasawyer [ 4'11 | 119.8 | 18.5 | 20 | 22 F]
Created: Fri Sep 14 00:10:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fplpb/i_actually_did_it_today/
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I fasted all day. No food. Just alcohol. Like two or four glasses of wine. And I did it and I’m feeling fan-fucking-tastic.
Tomorrow I shall eat something amazing because I feel it’s too dangerous for myself to fast two days in a row but fuck yeah I did it. I’m so proud of myself.
[Rant/Rave] Weird Mirror differences
/u/Bleepbloopbroke [65|CW 121.4|GW 110|UGW 84|20.44|]
Created: Thu Sep 13 23:36:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fpfpb/weird_mirror_differences/
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I look in the mirror pretty much anywhere and I am a fat fucking roll of lard. Go to the gym and I start thinking my legs look kinda scrawny? And I'm not even looking and comparing to other people at that point?
I feel like the gym mirrors are lying to me
Or binge...Am I overly sensitive? Probably.
/u/catsalways
Created: Thu Sep 13 23:00:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fp8h5/or_bingeam_i_overly_sensitive_probably/
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https://i.imgur.com/AZWvt1x.jpg
Low calorie spaghetti options?
/u/KrimsonKatana
Created: Thu Sep 13 22:55:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fp7jk/low_calorie_spaghetti_options/
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I tried shirataki noodles, got rid of the fishy taste by washing it with water but it has a disgusting texture. Boiled it for like 8 minutes (came soft in the water package) but it was like I was choking on works.
Other ideas?
Also I heard I can feel better by taking a vitamin before a fast.
True/false?
After periods of heavy restriction, my brain is asking me to eat, eat, and eat. Anyone?
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Thu Sep 13 22:36:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fp3oe/after_periods_of_heavy_restriction_my_brain_is/
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So i will start restricting tomorrow to lose more weight 😎
I found the most disordered piece of wall art I've ever seen at a chain store today.
/u/whittiez
Created: Thu Sep 13 22:31:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fp2nf/i_found_the_most_disordered_piece_of_wall_art_ive/
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[Thanks, Hobby Lobby...](https://i.imgur.com/4DVg1Bj.jpg) 😐
[Discussion] The first comment
/u/lilmdjd [5'3 | CW: 135 | LW: 95 | GW 115 | 23F]
Created: Thu Sep 13 22:27:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fp1vg/the_first_comment/
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Does anyone else fantasize about what they will say/do when they get their first comment? I have this whole scenario where someone says something like “oh have you lost weight” and then I go “oh I don’t know......... haha.... I don’t really weigh myself. I guess maybe?” And just act super blasé and carefree.
I get such a thrill imagining this. But at the same time I know it’s unrealistic and not at all how it will play out bc this is not my first rodeo and by the time someone mentions something it’s usually from a place of obnoxious concern and then I will just get irritated and uncomfortable lol
possible to have ED without depression?
/u/KrimsonKatana
Created: Thu Sep 13 22:26:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fp1nj/possible_to_have_ed_without_depression/
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I definitely have Ed but don't feel like I have depression.
Or am I just lying to myself?
[Rant/Rave] I hate my boobs so much
/u/squishysponges [5’5” | SW 220 | CW 182.6 | GW 120 | 19F]
Created: Thu Sep 13 22:03:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fowkj/i_hate_my_boobs_so_much/
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My boobs straight up suck. I’m still a 40DD ish after losing nearly 40 lbs, and they’re just hanging there. They’re sweaty and gross and don’t make me feel feminine at all. If anything they make me feel the complete opposite of feminine!!! Is anyone else dealing with this cause I feel like this makes me dysphoric and hate my body even more. If I had small perky boobs this wouldn’t be a problem, and I wouldn’t be so upset with my body because otherwise I’m making good progress :(
Y'all ever just start typing out binge ideas
/u/fastingfrycook
Created: Thu Sep 13 22:02:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fow7h/yall_ever_just_start_typing_out_binge_ideas/
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https://i.redd.it/j0y4dmiho4m11.png
[Rant/Rave] DAE feel like they never really recover, but just swap an addiction for an addiction?
/u/sisterberlin [5'5" | CW 130 | GW 108]
Created: Thu Sep 13 21:58:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fovhn/dae_feel_like_they_never_really_recover_but_just/
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Hello my friends. Sorry for the rambling vent to follow.
So- I had an ED for multiple years, but then managed to return to a semi-normal diet thanks to my SO. I subsequently started using drugs & it spiraled pretty quickly after that though, and I was a functional drug user for a few years. I had a steady job and plenty of income, and no one but my best friend knew I was abusing drugs. I’ve since kicked and moved across the country from my dealer.
Now, I’m 113 days off of heroin, but I’m more miserable than ever. My ana tendencies crept back in and now I’m right back to eating a meal a day and crying over binges. At least when I was using, I was too wasted to think about how many calories were in the saltines and sour patch kids I lived off of. I had money (albeit money I spent on drugs) and friends and a giant beautiful city to explore. Now I feel like all I have is Diet Coke and depression/anxiety. :’)
I don’t know what I want more- to be thin, to be high, or to be a normal person.
Sorry about the pointless post. I’m having a hard time staying clean lately, and I’m nauseous with guilt and carbs, after binging on an entire bag of tortilla chips like a friggin maniac.
Does anyone else just seem to swap bad habits instead of ever ACTUALLY recovering?
Pretty sure I hit a new low today
/u/-dreams- [20 | M | 5'9" | 🏳️🌈 ]
Created: Thu Sep 13 21:57:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fov5r/pretty_sure_i_hit_a_new_low_today/
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Was brushing my teeth and swallowed some toothpaste on accident
Panicked and googled the calories in toothpaste and proceeded to log it as 50 calories anyway just to be safe
why am I like this :/
[Rant/Rave] My friend just made me ramen and watched me eat it
/u/kangieroo
Created: Thu Sep 13 21:54:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fouk4/my_friend_just_made_me_ramen_and_watched_me_eat_it/
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I accidentally let it slip that I only snacked for dinner (bread and cheese and an apple, so it was around 240 cal anyways) but I was feeling really full and good about myself... and then my friend got mad and worried and made me ramen. It was tasty ramen that he brought from home, so it meant a lot that he made it for me, but I really really didn’t want to eat it. He sat down and watched me eat it so I couldn’t even throw it away (and I wouldn’t want to waste it anyhow).
Ack you guys he put so much care into it though, and it was really sweet that he cared, but now I just feel so gross knowing I went over my daily calorie limit AND broke my IF streak unless I just eat at like 5 PM tomorrow... but I’ve never been great about not eating lunch and agh I was doing so well!!
He really meant well though, even though ramen isn’t healthy and isn’t better than just snacking for dinner in terms of health anyways... but maybe I’m overthinking it. Just gonna fast as long as I can tomorrow I guess!
[Rant/Rave] feeling awful and disgusting and fucked up because of it
/u/transedthrowaway
Created: Thu Sep 13 21:44:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fosbe/feeling_awful_and_disgusting_and_fucked_up/
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tomorrow I'm going over to the home of one of my abusers (could never confront her with what she's done to me because it would put me in danger of being abused again, so it's one of those "it happened but we don't talk about it" things) because she needs someone to take care of and walk the dog she's fostering while her husband is at work and she spends the day getting checked out at the hospital
as much as i wanted to say "no fuck you", i agreed to do it because i don't want to leave an innocent dog alone in a crate for 8+ hours just because i can't magically get over the stuff her foster mom did to me when I was a child. So I'm going to do it but now I can't stop thinking about what happened and having flashbacks, and of course my first instinct was to go out and grab two family size bags of chips to binge on and ruin a day of eating under 500 calories, instead of dealing with my trauma issues in a healthy way lmfao
to my credit i haven't opened and eaten any of them yet but GOD i really want to ughhhhh
am i the only male with ED here?
/u/KrimsonKatana
Created: Thu Sep 13 21:41:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9forj8/am_i_the_only_male_with_ed_here/
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lmao i just discovered this community and everyone refers to each other as female. i guess ed is a lot more common but still :(
I literally want just one thing
/u/ScottSteinerPhD [5'8" | CW: 109 | 16.4 | 30M]
Created: Thu Sep 13 21:39:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9foqys/i_literally_want_just_one_thing/
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I need some kind of not shitty food that has the emotional wallop of pizza when I'm drunk and the caloric and nutritional content of a kale salad.
[Discussion] myfitnesspal.
/u/dietcigsss
Created: Thu Sep 13 21:37:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9foqok/myfitnesspal/
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DAE still use myfitnesspal? i just rejoined and don’t have any friends. if you wanna be friends, message me your emails or post them in the comments. 🖤
[Help] Stomach pain
/u/breebunny88
Created: Thu Sep 13 21:34:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fopxv/stomach_pain/
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DAE have stomach pain??!? I feel like I have so much pressure/gas/air in my stomach all day errrday! It’s soooo annoying! Can anyone commiserate with me? 😂😂😂 please and thanks. Xx
welcome to ednos hell, aka, "do i even have an eating disorder" 1000 times a day
/u/howunfortunate_ [5'3 / cw: 115 lbs / bmi: 20.9 / -24 lbs / gw1: 109lbs]
Created: Thu Sep 13 21:05:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9foj1h/welcome_to_ednos_hell_aka_do_i_even_have_an/
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*tries to fast*
*binges instead*
*binge is what a normal human eats in a day*
*feels suicidal over it anyway*
*wonders if i have an eating disorder at all despite a formal diagnosis and having spent TWO fucking hours in a grocery store panicking over food instead of studying like holy FUCK WHY?? why at all? why*
save me from endless hell. ive been doing this for like 4 days now and i have three huge exams next week and two lab reports due tomorrow but all i can think of is the food i ate :(((
[Help] I need some love
/u/michellenemangepas
Created: Thu Sep 13 20:43:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fodry/i_need_some_love/
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Probably gonna delete this, but whatever.
I am going through stressful shit. I didn't sleep last night because of it. And because I was hungry and mad at my body for still looking like it did 30 lbs ago.
I just felt alone. I really wanted to reach out to my SO for help. I needed to get a lot off my chest, but how could I when most of what was bothering me was food/restricting/weight loss/body image related?
That's a part that just sucks. I'm alone in this and I do it to myself.
Idk. I just need some love right now.
Cheerio Mono
/u/MOSEDalt [5'1 | 104.2 | 19.2 | GW 84 | NB]
Created: Thu Sep 13 20:40:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9focx0/cheerio_mono/
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Hey, I'm ready to try another mono diet again, but this time with some knowledge. Calorie intake for the day will be around 500. All intake is cheerios except for lunch, which will be cheerios and propel w/ salt (electrolyte drink). Anything else I should be aware of?
DAE get suicidal thoughts because of their weight?
/u/internal--screaming
Created: Thu Sep 13 20:38:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9focii/dae_get_suicidal_thoughts_because_of_their_weight/
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I'm constantly suicidal when I think about how I don't fit into my clothes anymore. I was forced into the hospital and I gained an enormous amount of weight. I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror and it doesn't help that I feel like I have no self control anymore. Every part of me wants to die because I can't control my weight or appetite anymore.
[Rant/Rave] ran across a pic of me in the depths of my disorder.
/u/dietcigsss
Created: Thu Sep 13 20:29:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9foa8c/ran_across_a_pic_of_me_in_the_depths_of_my/
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new account here, but I’ve been stalking this sub forever. hi. Anyways, I saw a picture of me from like 5 years ago when I was almost at my lowest weight and now I’m incredibly triggered and never wanna eat again. I’ve gained more than 100 pounds since then and all I can think about is getting back down to that weight. I’m horrible at planning but fasting is lie second nature now. I’ve already lost a few (10) pounds this month but the weight isn’t coming off fast enough.
I can barely fit any of my clothes, I hate weighing myself and my restriction is sub par at best. I wish I could just post 50 pounds overnight. I’m so over being fat. I can’t believe I’ve let myself balloon like this in the name of recovery. Ugh.
Anybody have any tips for Emotional Eating
/u/RockerBabi
Created: Thu Sep 13 20:19:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fo7rn/anybody_have_any_tips_for_emotional_eating/
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... or eating because you’re bored?
I ate a meat bun because I was procrastinating on homework, after I watched like shows that turn food off like Hell’s Kitchen.
Then I ate half a pint of ice cream because the laundry machine broke with my laundry in it.
Etc...
Thank you
[Help] i don’t know what to do to stop myself
/u/iamacrazycatlady
Created: Thu Sep 13 20:18:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fo7ia/i_dont_know_what_to_do_to_stop_myself/
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i’m at work and i just finished a mini c/s binge and it was so embarrassing trying to hide myself in the back room and spit it all out in time to help people and i just don’t know why i couldn’t control myself enough to not do it? normally it’s a struggle to make myself eat enough and i just feel so humiliated and disgusting.
[Help] Help! Ephedrine and caffeine stack
/u/BeginningBarnacle [5'4|122.6|-14|F]
Created: Thu Sep 13 20:17:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fo79e/help_ephedrine_and_caffeine_stack/
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I am tweaking out
I am on my fourth day and if the end of the jitters is near, I will stick it out because it is an amazing appetite suppressant.
Anyone taken both and can tell me when the jitters wear off?😭😖
I can't unsee/hear it, now neither can you. Jesus thinks you're fat.
/u/LeOssa
Created: Thu Sep 13 20:05:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fo48i/i_cant_unseehear_it_now_neither_can_you_jesus/
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https://youtu.be/Y2DsQ03B0RQ
I just discovered the Eat This Much app, even if you want to set super low caloric restrictions it will help plan your meals to get you the needed amount of vitamins and nutrients. Plus, it’s super customizable, even with just the free version!
/u/Nurse_with_needle
Created: Thu Sep 13 20:05:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fo42c/i_just_discovered_the_eat_this_much_app_even_if/
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here we go again
/u/w_alnutcreek
Created: Thu Sep 13 20:01:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fo35e/here_we_go_again/
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here’s the timeline
2013: I restrict for the first time in my life. I do it for maybe like 2 weeks cause I was 13 and even though I was so small my brain was fucked and I thought I needed to be skinnier.
since then, Ive kind of shifted all over the place. some years I’d be fine and eat whatever I want (how??) and then id go through months where I’d loathe my body but not really change much about my habits
ok so April this year I start calorie counting in attempts to get healthier. It works for 3 weeks (again how???) at like ~1400 until I get stressed about prepping for uni and basically say Fuck It ™
how I felt about myself didn’t change though so one date I’d hate my body and the next I’d b like damn I’m cute- oh wait nvm
and here we are. my uni classes just started and I’ve been binge eating like a bitch cause stress but these past few days I started by unintentionally restricting and then when I realized how much I didn’t eat I got such a weird high from it
so the past few days I’ve been trying to not eat all day and see how long I can go. once I get hungry or my head gets fuzzy (like today) I eat something small and a drink and then wait until I get home/til it’s late (like 8pm) to eat anything else
I’m like... a little terrified
I don’t wanna restrict like I was in 2013 (basically nothing) but also what is healthy???? how do I count calories??? if I eat and not hungry isn’t that good enough?? I just wanna drop from this plauteau I’ve been at for like 2 years man
[Discussion] The day with the bf
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | CW : 114| GW: 110 | UGW: 105| Female]
Created: Thu Sep 13 19:53:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fo0yz/the_day_with_the_bf/
---
So we go to Johnny rockets and I got a burger and tater tots because why not I’m fasting tomorrow anyways. I should be ok with eating right? No. I purged in public for the first time today. 2 times to be exact. I got up most of the tater tots but none of the burger. Boy was that satisfying to see. And then we go to the mall where I get the Auntie Anne’s pretzel bite things and eat half of those. But no opportunity to purge. We did walk 6 and a half miles though and I only gained two pounds which so be gone by tomorrow evening. What a day.
How do get out of a b/p cycle
/u/ashliiiita
Created: Thu Sep 13 19:44:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fnypt/how_do_get_out_of_a_bp_cycle/
---
I can’t handle it anymore omfg.. this is taking over my life. It’s so bad literally even my mom is starting to notice something is up. I barely have been talking to friends and have been ignoring my boyfriend because I feel so disgusted with myself. It’s like I can’t stop once I start binging until I’m disgustingly full and then I just purge it all promising myself “this will be the last time” but it never fucking is..... What helps you???
[Discussion] Everybody name something (or more than one thing) that you are grateful for!
/u/madeinny88 [5'8" | 125 | 19.0 | 30/F ]
Created: Thu Sep 13 19:42:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fny39/everybody_name_something_or_more_than_one_thing/
---
I’m grateful to have a washer and dryer in my house so I don’t have to worry about having clean clothes to wear!
Also I am grateful to be out of chocolate! It sounds stupid but it’s like a huge weight is lifted from me when I don’t have a stash of chocolate tempting me.
[Help] Need you guys
/u/ImmediateAlien [5'3 | CW: 109 lbs | GW 99 lbs | BMI: 19.7 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 13 19:31:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fnv81/need_you_guys/
---
Ok so bf and I just ordered fast food (I didn’t go crazy, hot dog with cheddar as topping and small fries), but I’m already regretting it and feeling guilty and planning on c/s or purging (never done neither of those before). I just finished a 24 hr water fast and lost 2 lbs since yesterday. I swear I just wanna enjoy this meal without feeling like a total failure, so any support is welcomed.
What is the weirdest food you eat to avoid actually eating?
/u/Ineedthinspo [5'6 | 146 | 23.6 | -45 | ]
Created: Thu Sep 13 19:31:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fnv4f/what_is_the_weirdest_food_you_eat_to_avoid/
---
For me it's a tablespoon of Valentina's... it's gotten to the point where instead of feeling hungry I start craving hot sauce.
[Rant/Rave] I saw myself in a new mirror today
/u/throwmoneyatme223388
Created: Thu Sep 13 19:24:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fnthd/i_saw_myself_in_a_new_mirror_today/
---
And it was incredible because I finally looked semi thin. I don’t know if it was because of the different mirror or I’ve finally lost weight but it was exciting.
[Goal] just hit my goal!
/u/tseokii [19F | BMI 19 - holy shit it's the same number]
Created: Thu Sep 13 19:23:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fnt3p/just_hit_my_goal/
---
height! i hit my goal height! lol.
or maybe not idk if i was mismeasured before or if i managed to pop up another quarter inch at my age. but i'm really happy lol. previously i was measured at 5'8.75" but i went to the doctor and found out i'm a bit over 5'9"!!!!!
not that it makes a difference in any real way but I always wanted to be 5'9" and was so upset about being a damned quarter inch shy.
so... i'm satisfied. for my metric ppl 5'9" is about 175-176 cm.
i've also been dieting well and am about to hit the underweight category for my height, which feels good although experience tells me that i'm bad at actually staying underweight. wheeeee
[Rant/Rave] i don't get it
/u/celinat0r [5'3 | CW: 107lb | GW: 99.9lb | 18F]
Created: Thu Sep 13 19:06:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fnon8/i_dont_get_it/
---
i'm about 5'3 and a half, 5'4 on a good day and my weight fluctuates between 106-108. hit 105.2 last week. so that puts me at just around borderline underweight/normal weight bmi. i should look small but i... don't? i carry all of my weight in my legs. not even my butt, just my legs. i have super muscular quads and calves and then stick-thin arms and abs. i hate being so disproportionately sized. i hate that i'm pretty light, but my legs make me look huge and bulky. shouldn't i look smaller??? do i just have bdd???? fuck
excerpts from my journal
/u/frunalimon [5'4 | 134lbs]
Created: Thu Sep 13 19:02:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fnnp2/excerpts_from_my_journal/
---
I was unpacking some of my stuff that was sitting around in a box since I moved and I found a journal I started writing in March, around the time my interest in dieting kind of mutated into a possible ED. Some excerpts follow:
​
\>28/3
\>All three flights were with Virgin. Soy crackers with tea and milk + sugar. Then coconut cake + tea + milk. Then a packet of nuts with a glass of orange juice. I didn't eat everything. I got the idea that I didn't want to eat anything at all, following my breakfast of "truffled eggs with citrus mushrooms on toasted ciabatta". I ended up getting a salad from Mad Mex. I told Di I might get a kinder egg and she encouraged me. She worried, over a week ago now, that I was developing an ED. Would that I could!
​
\>Anyway, I can go back to calorie counting tomorrow. I put it on hiatus while visiting Con. I just figured I had enough on my plate without obsessing over food. And it didn't cause me any kind of anguish to eat with her. I did overeat though. After restricting for a couple of weeks, my old portion sizes, which was \[sic\] more or less equivalent to those of Con, Leslie and Gus, seemed excessive and gut-busting.
​
\>19/4
\>I've eaten under 800 calories for the past two weeks I have no idea why I'm not thin yet.
\>Actually I think this restrictive model is easy for me. Just as easy as eating excessively like I used to. I "binged" once when I got back from Con's house. Just ate random stuff to the measure of 1600. Yesterday I had 299 calories. I'll probably have something around 500 today.
​
Reading over these, I was surprised to realise that as little as 5 months ago I considered 800 calories to be a small amount. Now I get upset if I go over 480. This "ED" just came out of nowhere and progressed so fast I can't believe this time last year I barely even knew what a calorie was, let alone how many are in a single kidney bean (1). Funny how that happens.
​
[Help] Where can I get those new Diet Coke flavors in Cali??
/u/skinnylilalien
Created: Thu Sep 13 18:57:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fnmbt/where_can_i_get_those_new_diet_coke_flavors_in/
---
Never been so happy to find hair in my food
/u/officialtarantino
Created: Thu Sep 13 18:22:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fndet/never_been_so_happy_to_find_hair_in_my_food/
---
So I ordered a bunch of these fancy flavored peanut butters a few weeks ago in a moment of extremely lapsed judgment (pb is such a binge food for me). They finally came and I was so excited to try them. I knew having them in my house was dangerous but the damage had been done, and I didn't want to throw out $30 of peanut butter.
Anyway, I had a pretty big OMAD dinner tonight, and I was about to "have a few bites" of the PB (would definitely have led to a binge), when I noticed a thick, black hair in the jar. I GAGGED and spit out the PB that was in my mouth. I'm a germaphobe so I figured the other jars couldn't be trusted either, so I ended up tossing them all. All hail the all-natural appetite suppressant.. other peoples' hair. Binge was stopped in its tracks.
Finger's crossed I get a refund!
[Discussion] Just tried my first monster, oh my god what have i been missing
/u/tarynughhh
Created: Thu Sep 13 18:13:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fnb0o/just_tried_my_first_monster_oh_my_god_what_have_i/
---
https://i.redd.it/y4cdtqcqj3m11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] Too Ugly to Work
/u/whitechocolateonly [5'8" | CW: 128.2 & BMI: 19.5 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 13 18:12:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fnamd/too_ugly_to_work/
---
Something hilariously sad happened to me this past week.
​
So, I applied for a job that I was more than qualified for and the recruiter was very enthusiastic about my application and I was contacted that same day I applied to do a video interview the next day. JSYK, I'm ugly and the most unphotogenic person to have ever existed. In real life, like face to face, I'm at least passable but on camera I ugly. My face isn't just asymmetrical, its straight up lopsided on camera. So anyway before I do the interview I see myself in the camera and I already I'm not getting the job. I mean objectively I looked so ugly. My face wasn't just lopsided but it also looked SO fat. I did my interview, was prepared, and all of the questions were very basic questions about my experience and my interest in the company. It'll be one week tomorrow since the interview and they have not contacted me even though the recruiter said she would contact me withing 24 hours of the interview. Despite all my qualifications, my ugly face ruined me.
​
I have also been binging non-stop so ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
I just found out that sports medicine at my school will “flag” any athlete under a 20 BMI
/u/i-want-to-be-little [5’2” | 18F | CW: 117 | GW: 105]
Created: Thu Sep 13 18:08:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fn9kr/i_just_found_out_that_sports_medicine_at_my/
---
Good, now I know exactly what weight to be just barely over for next year’s weigh-in. Now I’m just ever so slowly making my way back down to my LW of 109.5 I guess.
Forced to eat
/u/mabver321 [5'1 | CW 143 | GW 100| F]
Created: Thu Sep 13 17:56:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fn6jd/forced_to_eat/
---
So a friend of mine who im sure had good intentions made me eat half a small bag of chips. I was very upset about it and ended up in the bathroom trying to get it out of my body. I seems like no matter what i do it wont come up. I havent been this stressed in a long time
[Rant/Rave] Not attractive anymore
/u/amooni95
Created: Thu Sep 13 17:39:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fn25s/not_attractive_anymore/
---
10lbs. I gained 10lbs since the beginning of my relationship in 2015. Before, he was so cuddly. 2 months ago he very politely suggested I "commit to the gym". If we weren't dating and I seeked his attention like I do now, I'd totally think he wasn't interested in me and would stop hitting him up. But we are dating. And he claims to want me. But these past two months, he's avoided anything sexual, even just sexual conversations :( I feel so unwanted and haven't been able to stop crying at the mere thought of not being good enough.
Not weighing myself until October
/u/lemonpepperfresh
Created: Thu Sep 13 17:34:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fn0q7/not_weighing_myself_until_october/
---
Considering I've been pretty good at restricting lately and how Im on my feet all day I'll put off weighing myself until then. Weighing myself daily just prompts me to binge so I'll try my hardest not to step on my scale (I'll hide it somewhere). I'll make a new post on October 1st so I can update my results.
I LOVE EVERYONE YAY I AM FEELING HAPPY
/u/gabebega
Created: Thu Sep 13 17:30:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fmzqn/i_love_everyone_yay_i_am_feeling_happy/
---
GUYSSS SO I AM RESTRICTING AND I HAD A COUPLE OF DRINKS AND I FEEL EUPHORIC!! like I am so happy that I have this little online group that I can talk about EVERYTHING and you will not judge me! people that have eating disorders know how lonely this can get. The voices that speak in our heads...the everyday struggle of living with our own bodies and the hunger and the pain...I WILL DEFEAT THIS DISORDER AND YOU WILL TOO! And you know what? I am beautiful!! you are too! AND WE CAN LIVE A GOOD LIFE. Tomorrow I will not eat...next week I will probably binge. But I AM ALIVE! we are dealing with this shite TOGETHER. Thank you! we are human beings and we deal with this shit but we are not alone. HONESTLY...this subteddit helpls me so much...WE ARE NOT WORTHLESS! WE DESERVE HAPPINESS! that’s it hahhha
[Other] Why do people comment on other people’s bodies?
/u/crankyhedgiebutt
Created: Thu Sep 13 17:30:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fmzp8/why_do_people_comment_on_other_peoples_bodies/
---
I was legit just on the phone with my dad and he put me on speaker without telling me. That’s grievance number one. My aunt proceeded to say she saw a pic of me recently and I looked bony. Asked if I’ve been eating. Wtf? I’m within a normal BMI. I swear my family thinks chubby is healthy.
This honestly just made me feel shitty.
My longest fast yet...
/u/mermaiddreamsss [5'8 | CW: 131 lbs| GW1 : 125 | -13 lbs]
Created: Thu Sep 13 17:30:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fmzmz/my_longest_fast_yet/
---
It only took $4000 and the removal of my wisdom teeth. ::cries::
Let's see how long I can go.
[Rant/Rave] New job => actual progress?/I'm happy for once
/u/Xelaalba [165cm | CW52.4kg | 19.2 | GW 50kg | F]
Created: Thu Sep 13 17:21:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fmx4f/new_job_actual_progressim_happy_for_once/
---
I don't think I've made a ~~positive~~ post on this subreddit yet, but anyway
So this week I started working in a cafe and I'm literally on my feet, running around and cleaning for 8-9 hours a day. I've already lost ( I can't weigh myself until tomorrow morning but I'm SURE I've lost) because apparently you burn like 100 cals an hour when you're standing?? Is that possible?? I'm just super excited lol because I can easily stay under 1000 cals while working and then burn it all off during the day. Does anyone else find their job makes it sorta... easy? Like I'm exhausted but I don't even care because I'm finally seeing some progress lmao and now I don't have to worry about working out as much. I'm just so happy since now I can feel like I 'deserve' to eat since I'm working my butt off, and I don't feel as guilty as usual.
On top of that my co-workers are all ....pretty ....big which has always been like reverse thinspo for me. Feeling pretty optimistic!!
[Discussion] Do any of you feel like their height was a huge contributing factor to the development of their ED, especially if it developed in their late childhood/early teens?
/u/xanmanorbartard
Created: Thu Sep 13 17:07:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fmtf7/do_any_of_you_feel_like_their_height_was_a_huge/
---
Because I definitely do. I'm only 5'8 which is on the short side of tall, but I stopped growing when I was 14 (pretty sure I stunted my growth)
By age 11 I was 5'6 or 5'7 and easily a head taller than most of my classmates. I also developed early and basically stuck out of my peers pretty obviously.
I also did ballet which has height and weight implications on its own. It lead to me deciding that I had to be tall, I sure as fuck wasn't going to be fat. I was never overweight as a child and had a healthy relationship with food up until that point so it was mostly I think self consciousness manifesting as self hatred manifesting into an eating disorder. I didn't believe I deserved to take up so much space.
How did your height affect y'all, tall or smol?
What's for breakfast?
/u/lunasouseiseki [180cm | 77kg | 23.8 | -10kg | F:snoo_shrug:]
Created: Thu Sep 13 16:23:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fmhdx/whats_for_breakfast/
---
Me: This breath mint
*Staff member laughs*
*I laugh*
Me: ...
[Rant/Rave] when my unknowing friends say “you can eat all you want, you have such high metabolism”
/u/ladytulips [5'7'' | 114lbs | 17.7 | -28lbs | 19F]
Created: Thu Sep 13 16:23:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fmhbn/when_my_unknowing_friends_say_you_can_eat_all_you/
---
as you’re eating your meticulously planned out mini bag of chips after a two day fast. in one way, it makes me feel accomplished, and happy to think my friends sees me as effortlessly thin. wasn’t that the goal? in one more slightly twisted way it frustrates me since i’m suffering and staving to attain some airy image. it’s so much work and they all think i just way what i want. it’s all smoke and mirrors. i’ll never be the effortlessly skinny, confident girl who can eat a whole pizza without ballooning. i’m just not, and i hope someday i’m recovered enough to see that it doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. one day
[Rant/Rave] I broke my resolve
/u/LumosErin [5'5.5" | 131-132 | 21.5-21.6 | GW: 115-120 | 20F]
Created: Thu Sep 13 15:55:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fm9ox/i_broke_my_resolve/
---
I OMAD with 500-700 calories but lately it’s becoming really difficult. My feeding time is 6:15 pm and it’s a real struggle to get there. Last year I could do it no problem but this semester it’s really hard.
Today I’m feeling extremely weak. My legs are very blown out from all working out/walking and I’m ready to drop. I was thinking to myself earlier “If I don’t eat something like, now I’m going to pass out.” So that’s why I’m sitting here at 4:52 pm eating some carrot sticks and a fruit cup knowing full well I’ll be having Chick-fil-a at like 7 pm (my boyfriend is coming up to my college town for the weekend, eeeeee!). I just couldn’t make it to my regular feeding time.
I feel like I may have to adjust my feeding time? I wake up at 6:15 am every day (education majors holler at me!) and I guess my body is getting used to it and being hungry more quickly than before. I’m thinking I should probably stop working out altogether, too or at least skip leg day since I’m on my feet a lot.
This got long.
[Discussion] How do you guys low restrict for days on end?!
/u/puzzledbutton [5’0” | GW: 110 ]
Created: Thu Sep 13 15:40:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fm5cv/how_do_you_guys_low_restrict_for_days_on_end/
---
Yesterday I had ~500 calories and was fine bc I ended up with a terrible tummy ache that if I was hungry I wouldn’t have felt it 🙃
Today I am feeling better and am planning on another ~500, a lot of chicken basically..... but I just want to eat all the carbs!!!!! Like I really want French fries or pizza. It’s been ONE (1) day. How do you guys do this for extended periods of time????
I’m only doing this bc I have a wedding next weekend and really wanna be down a few more pounds/feel better. I’m getting closer to my goal weight so of course the weight loss is taking much longer now. I’m just wondering if my body will get used to it after a few days (again I don’t plan to do this forever) or if everyone just deals with it?!
Horror movie moment
/u/3cats_in_atrenchcoat
Created: Thu Sep 13 15:26:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fm1d5/horror_movie_moment/
---
I almost just bought the super sour orange rockstar (270 cal) instead of the recovery (25)
Diet soda, good or bad?
/u/AcornsAreGreat [Height 5'6 | CW 138lb | BMI 22 | Weight Lost 14lb | Gender F]
Created: Thu Sep 13 15:22:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fm01i/diet_soda_good_or_bad/
---
I see everyone loves diet soda here, but has anyone ever had a bad experience with it? A friend of mine told me that if you drink it, after a while you start to gain weight from it. Has anyone experienced anything like this?
I don't know if I'm allowed to ask this since rule 1 says don't ask for diet tips so if I'm breaking any rules, I'm sorry.
[Tip] PSA: You deserve to have a refuel day once in awhile
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2 | 148 | Aiming for 146 by 9/25 | -12| f21]
Created: Thu Sep 13 15:20:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9flzdw/psa_you_deserve_to_have_a_refuel_day_once_in/
---
It's okay to eat more sometimes be it 500, or maintenance. it's okay to eat up to that, especially if you have something important to do, or you're just extra hungry. Maybe you put in a lot of effort on a workout your body deserves to repair itself, Maybe you need to have a clear mind. Eat dinner, Get a spiecal snack you've been craving, You are worth it. One day won't make you fat
I know there's a fine line between a binge and a high calorie day. But sometimes eating more won't hurt you, especially if it's maintenance or higher deficit. Can even trigger a stubborn plateau to woosh.
[Rant/Rave] [rant] annoying girl in the dining hall
/u/bingeyboa [5'0" | 99lbs | 19.3 | -18lbs | F]
Created: Thu Sep 13 15:18:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9flyoq/rant_annoying_girl_in_the_dining_hall/
---
Ugh, yesterday I was b/ping at the dining hall (purging in the hidden corner bathroom b/c no shame...), and this girl walks in talking to her friend like, "Sometimes I just don't eat. Like I'll go for a week and not eat ANYTHING and then the next week, I'm like, super hungry!"
I know she has no idea what she 's talking about, and she is probably not counting the four starbucks frappuccinos she drank every day or whatever, but it made me really mad, and I just... ugh. Because I intentionally fast for 5 days, and somehow I'm still fat. Ugh. Kill me.
I got weighed today
/u/sylas69 [5’4 | 118 lbs | 20.25 | f]
Created: Thu Sep 13 15:09:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9flw3p/i_got_weighed_today/
---
5’3 and a half inches and 104 pounds!!! Y’all I’ve lost so much
Crazy ferocious appetite during/right before period
/u/dorisholliday
Created: Thu Sep 13 15:02:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fltuz/crazy_ferocious_appetite_duringright_before_period/
---
I'm worried, guys. Last week I was so good and my weight was at a place I was okay with, only about 8 lbs from goal weight.
Cue this week. My period is going to start probably in a few days and I'm just SO hungry. I've been eating at maintenance or a little above all week. I'm not going to weigh myself until my period is over. I just can't get over how HUNGRY I am. I'm having a really hard time not eating ALL the things. Usually I have relatively good self-control, but this week it's like I barely care. Or like.. I do care because I really don't want to gain weight, but I also really want to eat a lot more than usual. And for some reason it's been hard for me to remember to do appetite suppressant-type things before I just chow down. Right now, by the end of the day I'll be at 1126 calories, and even knowing that I want to eat like a protein bar and some fruit and maybe cheese. Dinner is in an hour, though, so I'm fighting through it lol.
I'm pretty worried that when my period is over and I finally weigh myself I'm gonna be like ten pounds heavier. My pants are already fitting a bit more snugly than last week. I keep reading the "PSA" post regarding the whoosh and hoping it will happen to me.
/rant
DAE have signs like this not to eat?
/u/damnbitchimfatasf [5'4 | 27.5bm| 23lbs | female ]
Created: Thu Sep 13 14:50:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9flqa1/dae_have_signs_like_this_not_to_eat/
---
So while I was walking to lunch with my friend she starts talking about how since volleyball isn't in season and she's not on track how she's gained so much weight.
Now keep in mind this girl is tiny as fuck, talking Mila kunis in black swan small. So i was thinking oh maybe she used to be a fat kid and was getting ready to ask her about it when she said, " Yea I was at 120 i was huge I looked so fat, you're not supposed to be 120 at 15 that's just huge."
I got quiet after that because I'm 158 and 15, a god damn whale and I just wondered on the rest of the walk there if i look huge to her??? Like in her mind she's fat but does she think I'm fat?? I've lost weight but still have 28 more pounds to go but that probaly won't be the end of it lol.
When we got to the cafeteria I started looking for my chips I always eat that are 130 cals and they didn't have them. So i just sat down and felt like a fatass while the rest of my petite friends ate. That was the 2nd sign.
Then when i just got home i just wanted to idk eat. I'm so tired and I have so much homework and I have holes in my cheek from chewing gum to stop cravings. So my fatass decided oh I'll have some Ice cream. And I kid you not I go in the freezer and it's desolate, literally so empty lol. The universe is trying to tell me something lol.
So please tell me I'm not alone in taking signs like this
[Help] HELP going out to dinner
/u/ihate-chicken
Created: Thu Sep 13 14:46:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9flp4q/help_going_out_to_dinner/
---
I know must of us probably get anxious about going out to dinner but I usually don’t get THAT anxious... but today is different.
I was invited to dinner last minute and I have to go but I am unbelievably anxious about it.
I need some words of encouragement or something...
The rational part of me knows that it’s just one meal and I can probably get a low calorie option but the other, the ED side, of me is completely panicking
[Rant/Rave] I don’t trust my TDEE
/u/Soybeansandsprouts [🍉5'5|109|GW:105🍌]
Created: Thu Sep 13 14:45:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9flp2k/i_dont_trust_my_tdee/
---
I’ve been having a shitty few weeks dealing with anxiety and depression so I challenged myself to eat at maintence for a bit of “self care” to see if my mental fog would improve. managed to keep my calories (still tracking lmao I’m a slave to it) under my TDEE which is something like 1520 If I’m living a sedentary life.
That just seems like so much to me! Can I really maintain my weight with that many calories??
This thinking is so illogical because plenty of people eat normally everyday, 3 meals 6 meals whatever, and maintain their weight but I just can’t believe that I am capable of eating like a regular human being. For the past 6 years I’ve been either restricting or binging so this feels so crazy. I’m going to fast tomorrow just to make sure I don’t gain even though I know my body follows the laws of thermodynamics and I shouldn’t be gaining.
There’s so much food in my stomach and I can feel it sitting there. How does anybody live like this :/
[Other] Tumblr
/u/lilith2569
Created: Thu Sep 13 14:44:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9florp/tumblr/
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If anyone is interested I have a tumblr dedicated to thinspo.. been running for about 5 years. Thousands upon thousands of thinspo pics, tips, rants, etc.
Jstkeepslimming is my username.
Anyone else take tums every day for years and now are scared about aluminum?
/u/ingenue__
Created: Thu Sep 13 14:44:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9floko/anyone_else_take_tums_every_day_for_years_and_now/
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I took tums every day for years because I was told I had low bone density and didn’t realize there was a major difference in calcium carbonate pills and Tums. I had anorexia so I would often use the Tums to stop hunger pains. Although I now know this was stupid, I can’t change what I did for a teenager for 6 years. Do I need to detox my body of aluminum?
[Rant/Rave] Two victories today 🎉
/u/ghostsportclub
Created: Thu Sep 13 14:22:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fli5a/two_victories_today/
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GUYS. Holy fucking shit. Ok my day has been a DAY.
I woke up and tried to take some ~sexy pics~ (if you read my last post you know more about this lmao) and it just was. not. happening. All I could see was my bloated tummy and big thighs and I just felt disgusting in general. But I had an appointment in the city, and with starting uni next week I went in early to do some shopping beforehand. One of the shops I went into was Hollister and HOLY FUCK EVERYTHING I TRIED ON WAS AN XS AND EVERYTHING FITTED!!! I FIT A HOLLISTER XS!!! I haven’t done this since I was about 12 😭 I’m soooo happy and gonna go back in tomorrow and buy their whole store bc I’m euphoric about fitting it lmao
My second (and slightly lesser) victory of the day was that I was able to stop eating when I was full! Usually I’ll eat whatever the hell I’d in front of me until I feel literally fit to burst. But tonight I was able to go wooooah ok I’m full. Stop eating. You can heat it later if you want.
This has been such a rant but I am feeling proud :’) Hope everyone else’s day has went well!
Poor poop planning
/u/wrinkle-crease [5'4" | 112 | 19.7 | -28 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 13 14:20:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9flhhh/poor_poop_planning/
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I took a few laxative pills around 8 hours ago. I haven't pooped since Saturday so I'm desperate! and they didn't kick in by the time I have a bunch of things to do D:
Well, now I'm babysitting and I took my kid over to his band practice, then he has karate....and I feel a low rumbling beginning.
POOR PLANNING because I'm going to be driving around and waiting in public places for the next 2 hours then I have a self defense class! Cue explosive shitting at the worst time.
Where is the worst place your desperate poops hit you?
[Other] Going to a psychologist for the first time
/u/carlems [5'2| CW: 101,8 | GW: 97 | -19]
Created: Thu Sep 13 14:17:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9flgp7/going_to_a_psychologist_for_the_first_time/
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I don’t know what to say to her. I usually don’t even feel like my problems are real, but I really can’t take this alone anymore. I’m scared as fuck.
Almost had a breakdown in a 7/11
/u/thatc0fveve-h0 [5ft 9in | 194 | 28.6 | -12 | 21F]
Created: Thu Sep 13 14:11:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9flery/almost_had_a_breakdown_in_a_711/
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I’m not very active rn because of a recent surgery but I mustered up the strength to walk like .25 miles to 7/11 for a treat. The treat? A quest bar and a monster.
I get there, and they’re out of Ultra Red. Near panic. But it’s fine. Plenty of ultra sunrise. I walk over to the bars section to grab a brownie quest bar... AND THEY RAISED PRICES BY $1. I didn’t bring enough cash. And so I grabbed a Coke Zero and sat in the corner between the energy drinks and sodas and just stared at both of them, because if I got the coke I could buy the quest but I REALLY wanted this monster.
(It’s all fucking irrelevant but I can’t ever see that)
Ultimately I left with only the monster. And I’m now drinking it whilst crying into 81g if shelled edamame instead.
I’m never rational lmfao kill me.
Got exciting news...
/u/aeonamare
Created: Thu Sep 13 13:53:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fl941/got_exciting_news/
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My boyfriend who I live with is leaving for a weekend to go hunting, which means I can go on with my fasting without being questioned or him getting suspicious. I hate when he's gone but I also hate hiding this from him. 72 hour fast here I come
DAE not like their body as they lost weight?
/u/PikachuQueen [5’4 | CW: 120lbs| BMI: 20| GW: 100lbs]
Created: Thu Sep 13 13:45:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fl6l6/dae_not_like_their_body_as_they_lost_weight/
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I lost my curves, and everything I liked about myself. I went from 34D to a 30B, but I feel so off; like my boobs don’t match my chest and I feel like they’re deflated and disgusting to look at. I hate having my shirt off around my man too. And my butt is non existent. I’m a size US4 in pants and jeans are too tight on my waist with a muffin too, but are often too big for my butt and legs. I get made fun of for having “chicken legs” as some of my friends call it. Oh, and a customer at my job asked me if I was really man bc “your body looks like a mans”
I thought if I lost weight I would gain some confidence but honestly I hate my body even more and people always comment on how horrible I look...
stream of ED consciousness...
/u/depressionbunny [5'6" | 138 | 22.6 | -12 | FM]
Created: Thu Sep 13 13:42:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fl5nn/stream_of_ed_consciousness/
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I have no one to tell but you.
Long story short, scrolled through my photos and saw the adorable pictures of me and my former flame. Love was always unrequited and now he has a new girlfriend and I hate him so much because I love him.
... Hoping this green tea fast will make me disappear. Because I just want to shrivel up into nothingness.
Fuck love.
Happy dance! Threshold passed.
/u/GQJohnDoe [6'2" | 233.4(!!) | 29.xx | 0.4 (>100 before) | M(ish)]
Created: Thu Sep 13 13:41:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fl5fv/happy_dance_threshold_passed/
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A [couple of days ago I was 0.4 away from being non-obese](https://old.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9efywl/still_obese_by_04_lbs/), per the "[old BMI](https://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/educational/lose_wt/BMI/bmicalc.htm)" (and then [I learned about the "new BMI"](https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9emju1/weekly_stats_update_september_10_2018/e5rwrpi/), but w/e.). Even after [going in the wrong direction for a minute](https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9emju1/weekly_stats_update_september_10_2018/e5qarkt/), and miraculously in spite of last night's [recrimination-inducing intake](https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ffmhr/anyone_else_not_care_about_alcohol_calories/e5w5k33/), though, I'm happy to report: 29.9 BMI (old style) as of this morning!
[Discussion] Is there truly such a thing as 'naturally skinny'?
/u/Nutellapples
Created: Thu Sep 13 13:41:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fl5d0/is_there_truly_such_a_thing_as_naturally_skinny/
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I just dont understand it or believe it. I mean how can a person eat like 2500 calories a day and still remain underweight? Unless they workout a ton or something? I know a couple people who don't have an ED yet they weigh like 99lbs and 110 lbs at 5'10-6'0 both guys and girls. They say they're naturally skinny. Is there such a thing?
Broke a 3-day water fast with a rice cake today
/u/Catii24 [5'4" | CW: 134 | GW: 108 | Female]
Created: Thu Sep 13 13:39:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fl517/broke_a_3day_water_fast_with_a_rice_cake_today/
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Jk I binged on fuckin everything in my house 🙃
Gained weight even when staying on track
/u/estxlleee
Created: Thu Sep 13 13:36:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fl42e/gained_weight_even_when_staying_on_track/
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Kinda annoyed because I was 56kg when I started being more aware of what I’m eating and over a while I’ve moved to be 63kg and I feel so disgusted and physically sick
My therapist said I look skinnier than usual!!
/u/JayLenoBlows [18 yrs | trans girl | 6’ | CW 139, GW 130?]
Created: Thu Sep 13 13:33:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fl388/my_therapist_said_i_look_skinnier_than_usual/
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IT’S WORKING OH MY GOD IT’S WORKING!!!!!
[Help] ED behavior around your period?
/u/problemproblem420 [5'6'' | 122 | 19.7 | 19F]
Created: Thu Sep 13 13:32:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fl2x2/ed_behavior_around_your_period/
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what are ur eating habits before/during ur period? does ur body retain extra weight? does weight come off faster when ur cycle is over?
I've been feeling awfully the past couple days and finally caved, figuring it was just because i was restricted and my body NEEDED food. I ate roughly 1400 cals the past 3 days, freaking out about the weight gain and kind of accepting the fact that im now in a "binge cycle" and will gain back all the weight i'd lost. BUT i magically just got my period?? im hoping once it runs its course i will be able to go back to restricting like i have been all month.
[Rant/Rave] Frustrated and Afraid. Appointment got Pushed Back a Week...
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Thu Sep 13 13:23:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fkzy9/frustrated_and_afraid_appointment_got_pushed_back/
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I've posted a few times on here that I have to get a LEEP procedure done soon. High grade abnormal cell changes were found on my cervix. Originally it was scheduled for the 25th of August. Then, they pushed it back to the 25th of September. Today, I just got a call from my OBGYN saying the doctor won't be in on the 25th, so AGAIN my appointment is pushed back to October 2nd.
I have literally been losing sleep and not eating over this fear of the surgery and the outcome. It's either HPV or cervical cancer and honestly my ED is just getting worse and worse. I went from 95 lbs to 90lbs in 6 days because my restriction has been getting worse. I'm happy about the weight loss, but I JUST WANT TO GET THIS STUPID PROCEDURE OVER WITH. JFC I HATE THE MEDICAL SYSTEM AND I HATE MY LIFE BUT AT LEAST I'M LOSING WEIGHT RIGHT???
End rant. Thanks for listening.
[Discussion] Distractions...Books & movies
/u/moonchldx
Created: Thu Sep 13 13:20:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fkz13/distractionsbooks_movies/
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Soooo... I’ve read a lot of posts on here from other people who get super sleepy while restricting which I thought would be awesome once I started but I have extremely bad insomnia & nothing helps...
I stoped smoking w**d because of a job DT which I haven’t heard back from yet but it was really the only thing helping me actually fall asleep...
DAE have trouble sleeping? What helps you?
Also as the title says....
I need movie & book recommendations!
I love love horror, thrillers, mysteries!
Can be your favorite ana book too !
I’ll read anything & watch everything!
xx
[Discussion] What’s your #1 trick to consuming less cals?
/u/ketokitty13
Created: Thu Sep 13 13:08:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fkvgj/whats_your_1_trick_to_consuming_less_cals/
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Personally, mine is drinking an insane amount of carbonated drinks. If you had to pick ONE tip that plays an integral part in your weight loss what would it be?,
What's the highest moment of your life with an ED? Your lowest?
/u/stresssedthrowaway [5'3" | 119.0 | -18.2 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 13 12:55:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fkr6p/whats_the_highest_moment_of_your_life_with_an_ed/
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(on mobile please flair as discussion) I'm coming up on a decade of disordered eating (diagnosis wise, anyhow) and I've been reflecting on this, I'm curious about everyone else's experience.
My highest moment: fitting into a very expensive pair of goal jeans, the moment they actually fit and felt good on me was euphoric.
My lowest: having to leave an art museum I really wanted to enjoy because I was throwing up from taking too many diet pills, while simultaneously outing myself to my ex-boyfriend and his family. Yikes.
When going down the ED rabbit hole feels so good
/u/SemicolonButterfly
Created: Thu Sep 13 12:32:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fkkat/when_going_down_the_ed_rabbit_hole_feels_so_good/
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I struggled with an ED back half a lifetime ago. It took probably 8 years to shake my mental obsession with calorie counting and “allowed” foods. But I never developed a healthy relationship with food, even as I “recovered”.
Now, as a result of psych meds and a lot of emotion eating I’m at a really high weight and I haven’t managed to lose weight by moderate means.
I’m not sure how, but the old ED got triggered and this time I’m letting it happen. I’m remembering how clean and powerful I feel when I restrict. I’m almost euphoric. Plus, the number on the scale is finally going down.
It feels like welcoming back an old friend. Stocked up on poweraid zero, beef bullion, and sugar free jello today, just like old times. I feel in control of my life for once.
I know I’m playing with fire but I’m sooo going back down the rabbit hole, because nothing has felt this good in a long long time.
[Other] Finally got a food scale...
/u/skeletonsofawhale [5'2 | 140 🐳 | -45 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 13 12:29:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fkj7t/finally_got_a_food_scale/
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I've previously only measured my cals via cups and tbps. I'm so fucking scared that my cups cals are wildly inaccurate and I've consumed 100000000s more calories than I thought I did this whole time.
Oh well, on the bright side, my measurements will now be way more accurate. I no longer have to stay awake at night knowing that my cal counts are probably wrong. I'm scared and excited at the same time. I also got a really good food scale for only 10 bucks bc it was on sale.
I'm scared af but it had to be done.
Cheers to more accurate calorie counts y'all!
[Rant/Rave] got a medusa piercing and now i can’t eat. bonus fuckin points.
/u/fweakybby [5’5” | 132| 22.0 | 68lbs | F]
Created: Thu Sep 13 12:07:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fkcl0/got_a_medusa_piercing_and_now_i_cant_eat_bonus/
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yeah just that really. i started to get hungry and was like oh wait no my shit hurts too bad to eat. haha
[Other] Day off
/u/moonchldx
Created: Thu Sep 13 12:03:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fkbc0/day_off/
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Bored...
Took an addy, painted my nails, now watching scary movies alone with my dog...
Love days off!
Also wanted to say I’m obsessed over Gatorade Zero ! They are so yummy but I’m out so I’m trying sparkling ICE it’s not bad & 0 calories so heyyy!
DAE find flaws in everything they eat?
/u/lilllyyy [5'7"|122.2|19.1|F]
Created: Thu Sep 13 12:00:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fka3x/dae_find_flaws_in_everything_they_eat/
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I'm not sure if this even makes sense, but lately I've had a hard time distinguishing between what "I" want vs. what the ED wants and want to know if anyone else can relate to this\~
The past few weeks I have noticed I repeatedly find something "wrong" with nearly everything I eat, even my favorite foods. All morning I had been looking forward to a specific Quest bar for lunch (lol), then when the time came to actually eat, I convinced myself that I wanted a *different* flavor Quest bar because I've had it for a while and "need to get rid of it." Buuuuttt..... it also had ten less calories than the one I was going to eat. A whopping ten calories - wtf. The apple I ate was "too big," my PB2 is "too much," my ice cream was "too melted," dinner isn't "warmed up enough" etc. etc. you get the idea lol. I've found the same with my running lately - I'll tell myself "only x amount of miles today" then when the time comes to stop, I think "If you've already done x, what's another mile?" even if I feel like sh\*t already.
It's kind of scaring me actually. It's hard to tell what I truly want anymore because everything seems tainted and never good enough. I don't know how to distinguish between ED behaviors and my own thoughts.
​
Does anyone else feel like this??
do y’all have any weird reasons you don’t want to recover?
/u/acrsita [Height 5'7| CW 47kg | BMI 16.5| Weight Lost ??| Gender ??]
Created: Thu Sep 13 11:59:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fk9pe/do_yall_have_any_weird_reasons_you_dont_want_to/
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like, aside from how you’ll look and feel.
personally, i don’t want my periods to start, and i don’t want my thighs to touch when i walk? i don’t want to feel them like,,, touching?? the feeling disturbs me and it’s become synonymous in my mind with weight gain. i genuinely can’t deal with it.
[Discussion] DAE get a lump in their throat while restricting?
/u/BladderPatrol
Created: Thu Sep 13 11:55:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fk8ol/dae_get_a_lump_in_their_throat_while_restricting/
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I drink tons of water to stay hydrated, but I always have a lump in my throat when I’m suuuper hungry. Every Sunday I eat Dim Sum with my mom (safe food in small portions!) and this lump goes away as soon as I start eating a more reasonable meal.
Does this happen to anyone else? Does everyone know what this is and I’m out of the loop?
[Discussion] has there been a spike in subscribers?
/u/acid_chunk
Created: Thu Sep 13 11:27:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fk02k/has_there_been_a_spike_in_subscribers/
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because holy shit, lots of posts, and not enough people responding. Not complaining, certainly not AT anyone. Just curious. I know this 'community' goes through strange waves.
The ProED Starter Pack
/u/r1cecream- [5'10 | CW: 145 |BMI: 20.8 | WL: 70 | 23M]
Created: Thu Sep 13 11:13:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fjvi2/the_proed_starter_pack/
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https://imgur.com/a/GZK1xoi
~350 calorie binge. Morr info in the comments!
/u/amooni95
Created: Thu Sep 13 11:00:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fjrf6/350_calorie_binge_morr_info_in_the_comments/
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https://i.redd.it/c0v8bl3je1m11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] 55.8! 55.8!
/u/rattles-snakes
Created: Thu Sep 13 11:00:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fjr9e/558_558/
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55.8! I'm under half a kg away from being underweight! Almost 5kg gone in 20 days!
Celebrating with lots of pot, candles, and two litres of my Lord and Saviour diet coke!
Restricting/fasting is the only thing I’m in control of right now.
/u/gaykhaleesi
Created: Thu Sep 13 10:58:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fjqm4/restrictingfasting_is_the_only_thing_im_in/
---
My life is a shitshow. And I have zero control over it.
My weight is a different story. Losing weight and looking the way I
want to is the only thing that’s going to keep me going right now.
I’ve been working out and eating right in the past to lose weight but now I just want to restrict and fast as much as possible.
Currently on a two week fast and adding 2-3 gym days a week, however my workouts won’t be as intense since I’m fasting...unless I feel up to it. 😅
I just want to forget about how shitty everything else is and relapsing back into an ED seems to be the only way to do it. Ironic isn’t it?
muscle spasms? help
/u/band-aide [5'5.5 | CW: 128 | BMI: 21 | F/19]
Created: Thu Sep 13 10:54:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fjpfx/muscle_spasms_help/
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i have only been low restricting (for the 9458304th time) for about a week now and i'm already getting really annoying muscle spasms, mostly in my left knee and leg. like when i went to bed the other night it wouldn't fucking stop. in my classes they're even more annoying. i know this probably means i need to be drinking more water and making sure i get electrolytes.
are there... "electrolyte supplements" that exist that i can take? i don't like drinking powerade or anything like that, i hate the taste. i want pills that i can just stop to buy at target. any recs? i don't really know what to look for to make sure i don't end up in the hospital really dehydrated again like last year...
[Help] Yay, someone noticed! Oh no....someone noticed....
/u/robreinerismydad
Created: Thu Sep 13 10:43:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fjlwt/yay_someone_noticed_oh_nosomeone_noticed/
---
https://i.redd.it/rkg3xlmdb1m11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] if i stop eating maybe people will see my pain
/u/wannathrowyouaway
Created: Thu Sep 13 10:41:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fjlbu/if_i_stop_eating_maybe_people_will_see_my_pain/
---
Right now, nobody really knows how depressed I am. Even if I try to explain, they don't understand. It's not serious enough. But if I just starve and lose enough weight to be underweight, someone surely will help me.
[Other] DAE use losertown.org to keep themselves motivated??
/u/skinny-star-boy
Created: Thu Sep 13 10:34:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fjj52/dae_use_losertownorg_to_keep_themselves_motivated/
---
So I calculated it and if I eat 250 cals a day I will be my second to last gw by the time I visit back home and that’s all I want to talk about but I can’t with anyone else
[Discussion] DAE think mirrors are distorted to make people look thinner?
/u/catalystrose [5'1 | 112 | BMI 21.2 | GW 98 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 13 10:28:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fjhj5/dae_think_mirrors_are_distorted_to_make_people/
---
I have a full body mirror in my room that makes me look thinner than I think I am. I used to own one of those cheap mirrors from walmart, and that one was definitely distorted to make me look way taller and thinner.
Now my mirror is a better quality one, but I just bought it a week ago and I feel like it is distorted too. Because if I actually look like that right now, then I don't need to lose as much as I thought. But there's no way. I guess I need to get someone else to stand in front of it so I can see whether that mirror works properly. Do you guys have full body mirror recommendations?
[Rant/Rave] What’s with girls on social media and eating?
/u/staticphat [Height: 5'3 | CW: Jabba the Hutt | GW: Bikini Leia]
Created: Thu Sep 13 10:23:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fjfvi/whats_with_girls_on_social_media_and_eating/
---
I’m a little annoyed with the current trend on social media of girls being obsessed with food. I always see things like “I’m not me when I’m hungry” (relatable af tho) and stuff about girls always needing to eat and girls being obsessed with food and GIRLS WITH FOOD. Ngl it’s a little bit of a trigger for me seeing pretty Instagram girls pretend to chow down a whole pizza. When I do the same, I look disgusting and probably not as happy as the girls in the photo PLUS I’d probably starve myself for a long period of time just to not gain weight from the pizza. Also why is liking food considered a personality trait now I don’t get it.
Sorry for the long nonsensical ramble.
[Discussion] Do you use loseit! Or myfitnesspal, And why?
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2 | 148 | Aiming for 146 by 9/25 | -12| f21]
Created: Thu Sep 13 10:13:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fjcpn/do_you_use_loseit_or_myfitnesspal_and_why/
---
I've been using loseit, I love the weekly calorie budget(helps when one or two days are over budget) and it doesn't complain, even gives me projections when I eat 800 calories. I like the simplicity, it doesn't make me obsess over macros, I just know the basics. But I feel like it's more limited? I used mfp for most of my calorie history and I'm thinking about using it again, but I don't know if I NEED to.
[Help] How does family counseling look like?!
/u/AspergersAndCoffee [5'2F | Last recorded weight: 93 | SW: 100 | Recovering]
Created: Thu Sep 13 10:10:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fjbtm/how_does_family_counseling_look_like/
---
My therapist just told me this is the most likely way I'll recover but I am afraid because I'm autistic, introverted and a mess and no one from my family but my mom knows about my anorexia...I'm panicking.
Is it as embarrasing and awkward as it sounds like?
[Rant/Rave] Physicals are the death of me
/u/mellobaby
Created: Thu Sep 13 09:53:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fj6ee/physicals_are_the_death_of_me/
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Just got a physical done for a be job and being weighed and having the nurse write it down is so triggering for me that I genuinely want to bawl my eyes out like a child
[Help] Bingeing in the night
/u/eva1588
Created: Thu Sep 13 09:46:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fj46k/bingeing_in_the_night/
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I binged on pb and banana in the night. I fucking hate doing this. I feel so slow in the morning and bloated and am still burping up the pb. I want to stop this so bad but can't and I feel like I am gaining weight. Anyone have any suggestions? I am looking for a replacement for the pb. Something that is satisfying but low in cal....
economists HATE her! find out how this girl saved money and time with this one easy step!
/u/smittenkitt3n [Height: 5’4 | CW: ew lol| BMI: fat as fuck]
Created: Thu Sep 13 09:33:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fj0cp/economists_hate_her_find_out_how_this_girl_saved/
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not eating lol
[Goal] It finally happened
/u/asiaticlily [5’10 | 136 | 19.2 | 46 lbs | F22]
Created: Thu Sep 13 09:28:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fiysl/it_finally_happened/
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I’m 135 pounds. I’ve never been this thin in my adult life. I actually made my goal weight. I can’t even describe what it feels like. I’m so sore from the gym yesterday, but I want to go run for miles because of how happy I am. This is such a weird feeling. Also, I’m thinking I can get to 130, and still not set off any serious alarm bells with my friends/family. We’ll see. Guess this is how this works? Finally hit the weight I’ve been dreaming of since I was 15... only to want to lose 5 more pounds.. *sigh*
I've literally regressed on my recovery in every aspect except my weight :')
/u/Bisexuwhale21
Created: Thu Sep 13 09:18:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fivux/ive_literally_regressed_on_my_recovery_in_every/
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I was "recovered" for about 9 months. I stopped laxative and ECY stacking. And eventually binging. I stopped thinking about food 24/7 and calories (for the most part). I gained weight back, putting me in the upper end of healty, verging on overweight.
And now here I am, shitting my brains out 2 hours before my exam with the fucking ECY jitters.
I've been "relapsed" for almost a month now, but only lost 5 lbs of the 54 I gained.
I feel like a walking disaster. Like a failure- at both my ED and at my attempt at recovery.
DAE suck at counting calories?
/u/vydka
Created: Thu Sep 13 09:04:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9firi2/dae_suck_at_counting_calories/
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I'm awful. I suck at math, always have, and trying to calculate the amount of calories in something, unless it's clearly written on a label, just totally overwhelms my stupid brain.
I've tried so hard to improve, because it would make calculating my intake so much easier, but I always get overwhelmed and end up crying and giving up and feeling stupid and worthless.
So instead I just restrict to a certain amount of food. As long as I'm only eating a tiny amount of something, and never finish my portion, then I'm okay. Kind of. It's still at least relatively safe in my head.
Logically in some part of my brain I know that I'm still sick, but I fight with myself over it. I feel like I'm "unworthy" of my diagnosis because how can I be sick if I can't even get counting calories right? That's like a major staple of the disorder.
Blah. Just another reason I'm a failure.
[Rant/Rave] RANT: I hate being short
/u/banhmislut
Created: Thu Sep 13 09:01:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fiqkj/rant_i_hate_being_short/
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I’m a 4’11 representative of the lollipop guild. I’m a size 24/00/whatever always the smallest basically and it means NOTHING. There are gorgeous girls who are 5’9+ who wear the same sizes I do and actually look thin.
But what do I do if I lose more weight? I can’t buy pants. I’m in the smallest size they make. Kids sizes? Not an option. I graduate in May and I need professional, adult clothes, plus my hips are too big for kids pants. 😫
I wan to scream and die that is all. 🙃
[Rant/Rave] THE WHOOSH GODS BLESSED ME
/u/lilmdjd [5'3 | CW: 135 | LW: 95 | GW 115 | 23F]
Created: Thu Sep 13 08:45:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9filmq/the_whoosh_gods_blessed_me/
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After being stuck at 135 for almost 2 weeks, despite averaging 700 calories a day, I FINALLY whooshed and I’m down 2.6 lbs this morning!! I wasn’t expecting it at all and almost wasn’t gonna weigh myself bc I wanted to wait until after I got my period. I didn’t do anything special tbh I skipped the gym last night and opted to lay in bed and watch Netflix w a boy. Apparently my body was a fan of this choice though. I’m SO happy!! Officially 13 lbs down in 7 wks!
Thyroid?
/u/fluoreffervescent
Created: Thu Sep 13 08:16:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ficxs/thyroid/
---
Does anyone else have hypothyroidism? I'm really scared that I do, and I hate going to the doctor for anything other than meds to fix sickness...
If any of you all have it, what are the symptoms? I feel like I'm way too big for the amount of calories I consume, but I can't tell if that's true or if it is just my ED talking. I will state what I think are symptoms on replies because I don't want to go into too much detail in case I'm just being harassed internally by my ED.
Haven’t weighed myself in forever out of fear, and was 133 at doctors appt just now!!!
/u/lynnB123
Created: Thu Sep 13 08:15:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ficn3/havent_weighed_myself_in_forever_out_of_fear_and/
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Also I grew an inch, I’m 5’8 not 5’7 lol
Let’s hope this refreshing information does not trigger a 2,000 calorie celebratory breakfast lol
[Rant/Rave] Trigger warning: self-harm
/u/meineschatzi [165cm | CW: 58kg | BMI: 21.5 | GW: 52kg | 25F]
Created: Thu Sep 13 08:13:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fibvx/trigger_warning_selfharm/
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My housemate took my scissors away last time, now I only have these shitty ones and I just need to cut properly and I feel like getting in the car and driving to the shops to get a new pair but it’s midnight.
I was doing so well guys :( now I have these dumb ““cuts”” (scratches) all over my thighs. I can’t even do this properly
I don’t want to go to day program tomorrow. I want to stop eating until I wither up and die but instead I’m stuck in this big fat body (I’m at 78kg now, fucking kill me)
I’m not suicidal but I don’t want to be like this anymore.
[Discussion] Anyone else smoke instead of eating?
/u/AcornsAreGreat [Height 5'6 | CW 138lb | BMI 22 | Weight Lost 14lb | Gender F]
Created: Thu Sep 13 08:10:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fib3p/anyone_else_smoke_instead_of_eating/
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I started doing this about a year ago and it's pretty much got me to where I am. Now I'm trying to quit and it's sooo hard. Is there anything I can do instead of smoking? I don't want to go back to where I was with my weight before but I need something to release this tension and stress and I just can't go back to food.
Anyone here ever lost 4lbs in 1 week? (Not just water weight)
/u/mks_993
Created: Thu Sep 13 08:03:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fi8yc/anyone_here_ever_lost_4lbs_in_1_week_not_just/
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I need to lose four *actual* pounds by next Thursday.
Okay, I don’t need to, but I really reeeeallly want to!! Going on a mini vacay and if I could break into the 120s I’d be very happy.
Currently 5’6 and 132. I suck at restricting but I think I could do 700/day with some exercise (e.g. 3-4 mile walks)
Thoughts??? Experiences??
As you lose more weight, each pound has more of an impact on measurements and visuals, right?
/u/xerox13ster [5'7" | 258 | Goal: 250 | 40.9 | 30 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 13 07:59:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fi7t8/as_you_lose_more_weight_each_pound_has_more_of_an/
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RIGHT?
Cause I swear to god I'm almost down 80lbs, and I feel like there's been no difference. I haven't been measuring (because that's really depressing rn), and I know my dysmorphia is lying to me, but it really seems like the lbs haven't mattered at alllllll.
I'm hoping as I approach 200, each few lbs of loss will actually make a difference in my flab, because if not I think I'll break. for real.
[Other] This one time, at the dinner table..
/u/lilith2569
Created: Thu Sep 13 07:44:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fi3ms/this_one_time_at_the_dinner_table/
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Yesterday was a good day. I ate under 1000 calories and I made it to the track and ran. My mother said something to me that calmed me down. “You didn’t get this fat in two weeks, it’s gonna take more than two weeks to lose the weight.” And she’s right. Usually what happens is you work and work and work and see no progress. Then one morning you wake up, weigh, and realize “holy fuck I’ve lost weight!” You’re clothes fit different and you see the changes on your body. A few more weeks go by and other people start to notice. So I just have to keep holding on. Stay motivated. Look at thinspo. Don’t eat the cookies at the office. Drink my diet cherry coke. My 1.5 liters of water. Go running when the weather is good. Lift my light weights and do body weight exercises at home. And it will happen.
To the lady at Starbucks...
/u/coffeeandcamels [5"4.5 | 17.4 | CW: 103 | UGW: 85 ]
Created: Thu Sep 13 07:42:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fi2z7/to_the_lady_at_starbucks/
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To the lady at Starbucks who watched me stir miralax into my coffee, started whispering to her friend and said, "wow, that must taste good!" and started laughing...
uh miralax tastes a hell of a lot better than the 25+ lax pills I was downing 3 weeks ago so uh just go drink your frap and leave me be
On the plus side, i'm almost 3 weeks free of laxative pills! I feel a hell of a lot better physically. If anyone is considering starting laxatives - DON'T. There are too many reasons to list why you shouldn't but just trust me!!
[Rant/Rave] traveling and eating
/u/chzkayla
Created: Thu Sep 13 07:37:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fi1jz/traveling_and_eating/
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i basically ate 1 week worth of food in 2 fucking days. and i am freaking out bc i can’t see my ribs anymore? and i need and know that i need to stop eating, but fuck my life, i am with my dad SO I CANT NOT EAT. i keep telling him i am full, but that dude refuses to not let me eat djwkbdoqbdpwnwogwow
i am freaking out bc everybody is so fuckinh skinny AND THOSE FUCKING GURLS HAVE LEGS THAT I WILL DIE FOR. LIEK STRANGLE ME WITH THOSE LEGS. AND EVERYTIME I WALK PAST A SKINNY PRETTY GIRL I JUST REMIND MYSEF RHAT I JUST ATE
HAHAHAHAHHAHA
WHAT THE FUCK IS 3 MEALS A DAY.
WHERE ARE MY DAMN RIBS GIVE THEM THE FUCK BACK TO ME PLEASE I WANT MY RIBS
PLEASE RETURN THEM TO ME LIKE WHO do i report my missing ribs to?!!!!!
ok other than that me eating 3 meals and skinny fucking girls.
i love that this place have so many 0cal drinks to choose from. love it.
[Rant/Rave] That moment good ol' BDD hits in full force
/u/ISetMyGnomesOnFire
Created: Thu Sep 13 07:31:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fi00t/that_moment_good_ol_bdd_hits_in_full_force/
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Im getting my period and ive accepted (this month at least lol) that i'll have water weight.
I left the house this morning feeling pretty cute. Tattoos kinda out, big wings, kids size M kitty sweater which is actually pretty big on me, and of course a coke zero as an accessory. But then during my morning walk it hit me. H A R D.
"Why are you wearing that?'
"people definitely think youre too fat for that top."
"who let your fat ass think this was okay"
​
AAAAAAND now my jacket is on all day :)
I'm so jealous of my cats
/u/R0b0t_Skelet0n
Created: Thu Sep 13 07:23:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fhxrx/im_so_jealous_of_my_cats/
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2 of my cats started getting SUPER fat by stealing food, eating others food, ripping open the cat food to eat all of the bag... Sound familiar? I took them to the vet and we worked out a diet. It's not super extreme, but now they literally can't overeat. Everyone gets their perfectly portioned food twice a day, alone in a room, and if they want more they cry for it but I just give them cuddles and play with them
I wish someone would control my calories like this...
[Other] Saw this on r/fasting and seriously thought I was on this sub.
/u/anxthekitten [5’5.5 | 16F | SW 155lb | CW 141.6lb | UGW 110lb]
Created: Thu Sep 13 07:11:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fhuhj/saw_this_on_rfasting_and_seriously_thought_i_was/
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https://v.redd.it/xgcdxuvkwfj11
One month without laxatives.
/u/_Spicy_Lemon_ [5'6 | CW 130.8 | GW 120 | UGW 100| F]
Created: Thu Sep 13 06:55:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fhq7m/one_month_without_laxatives/
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Well it's been about a month. It has sucked. I don't deserve nutritional. I'm already so behind in classes. The weather is terrifying & I haven't completed a basic 24 hour fast in about a week. I'm so prone to bloating everytime I eat. The really sweet guy I started talking to about a month ago has ghosted me....But whatever I've made it a solid month without caving...
[Goal] Ultimate Thinspo??
/u/gabebega
Created: Thu Sep 13 06:36:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fhlcj/ultimate_thinspo/
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Do you have those saved pictures that you can say “THAT’S EXACTLY HOW I WANNA LOOK”? Mine are a bunch of Miley Cyrus 2013/2014, Bella Hadid, Kate Moss, and my biggest dream: Natalie Portman on Black Swan.
I have lots of pictures saved and look at them before going to bed hahaha but sometimes I get scared I am deluding myself and that I am never going to look like that...even though I am pretty close to my goal weight.
[Help] how the hell do i eat ~healthy~ foods when i hate vegetables
/u/lightningmcqueef69 [65.5" | 117.6 | 19.27 | 18 | enby]
Created: Thu Sep 13 06:30:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fhjyp/how_the_hell_do_i_eat_healthy_foods_when_i_hate/
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i'm currently fasting but trying to plan a healthier meal for when i break it. my issue is that I can't stand the texture/flavor of 99% of veggies and it makes me legitimately angry because I want to like them so badly. my meals would be so much more filling if i could just eat a fucking salad without gagging. what do ???? is there a way to trick myself into eating things i hate??
[Discussion] Chew spit face
/u/chipmunknutter [5'10"| CW | 21.2 | maintenance | F]
Created: Thu Sep 13 06:27:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fhjaf/chew_spit_face/
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So I assumed my face was now so huge because I’ve gained so much in “recovery.” I’ve always known about the face associated with bulimia but never associated it with chew spit (dumb, it’s similar). Anyway, I’ve been chewing spitting for hours a day. I wonder if this is why my eyes, cheeks and neck feel so big. It could be fat but I’m just curious if anyone else experienced this from chew spit? How long did it take to resolve after you quit? Does anything help like a cold face mask? I’m on my way to quitting but if my face is from all the chewing I’ll be skyrocketed to really wanting to quit.
[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support September 13, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Sep 13 06:11:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fhfeu/weekly_emotional_support_september_13_2018/
---
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.
Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.
**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**
*****
Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
Daily Food Diary! September 13, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Sep 13 06:09:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fhezk/daily_food_diary_september_13_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for September 13, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Rant/Rave] cold all the time, mentally foggy, bad lab work, screwed up personal life, anxiety... still fat
/u/tifaloch
Created: Thu Sep 13 05:24:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fh4so/cold_all_the_time_mentally_foggy_bad_lab_work/
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i’m unable to sleep. too much anxiety from a ton of things. so i’m here ranting.
i’m a total drunkorexic. i high restrict to about 800-1000 cals a day, but about 600-800 of them are from alcohol. lately, my brain is just not functioning. i think it’s from the obvious, and also stress and depression.
i’m literally wearing a jacket or sweater 24/7 because i’m so damn cold. my coworkers are constantly making fun of me for it. “it’s 80 degrees out, how are you still cold?” ha ha! yeah ha ha ha. just leave me and my extensive sweater and jacket collection alone.
my doctor ran labs and i am all screwed up. all my minerals, b, d vitamin ranges and whatnot are non existent. i know it’s from restricting.
my boyfriend of nearly 3 years has been awful to me (most recently was not allowing me to attend a family event, saying he never wants our families to meet and literally yelling at me in public about how he will not marry me or even think about engagement, so don’t ask)... so i took everything with us off my facebook and started talking to other guys (i told him i was doing this) in childish retaliation. but now he came around a bit and is being kind of nice and plus i went and looked at old photos of us and now i feel badly about being distant and cruel back to him and i’m afraid i’m going to lose him. plus, one of the guys that started talking to me is a real creep and yes i blocked him, but i feel he’s going to try and destroy my life somehow. he’s been threatening to contact my boyfriend or come by my work and “good luck with that” once he does.
i have major social anxiety lately because i’m so uncomfortable in my body, that literally every interaction is torture and i’m hiding in the bathroom at work having panic attacks on the daily.
i’m afraid i’m going to lose my job because i’m performing like crap due to all of the above.
and i’m not even fucking skinny for all of it. i’m inching ever closer to my higher weight range and i want to just check out. take a bunch of pills and be numb. you know it’s bad when you find yourself wishing you’d end up in the hospital just so you have an excuse to take a break.
i think i’m very depressed.
[Rant/Rave] PSA: WAIT FOR THE WHOOSH
/u/audreyhepburnwho [no binge September.]
Created: Thu Sep 13 05:17:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fh3jj/psa_wait_for_the_whoosh/
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Guys, seriously, pay attention. You might remember me making a post about a month ago about not weighing in for 2 weeks. No weigh-ins until September. I made that post after a very bingey weekend where i surely put on a couple lbs because i went over my TDEE for 3 consecutive days, by thooousands. My thigh gap was gone and my clothes were tighter. So I went back to restricting. 2 weeks later, i weighed-in as planned and i was still mucjlh heavier than pre-binge, after 2 weeks of heavy restriction and fasting that should've been enough to repair the damage..... That really killed my Motivation, it was really fucking painful to see, but i persisted. Mind you it wasn't just weight, i was definitely bigger than before that huge binge, i could tell by the way my clothes fit. I kept going. I stopped weighing after a while because my weight DIDN'T BUDGE. For a month guys, up until a couple days ago, my weight was exactly the damn same, despite heavy restricting, no bingeing, and heavy exercise. BUT. These last 3 days, I WHOOSHED LIKE A MOFO. Again, not just weight. I swear to god the shorts im currently wearing barely fitted 3 days ago. I wore them on Tuesday and they were a bit looser. Today they are FALLING OFF. I can also tell my stomach is much flatter,the same Shirts are looser, and my Collarbones are visible and they weren't a few days ago. I'm visibly leaner! This didn't happen in 3 days, this is the progress i made throughout the last month but it only arrived NOW. Since i looked so trim this morning i grabbed the scale back from the closet where i had hidden it from myself. I weighed and I'm finally lighter!!! I dropped 5 pounds like THAT. AFTER ONE MONTH OF WEIGHING THE SAME DOWN TO THE GRAMM!! I didn't change anything these last few days, ive just been consistent. I also obviously have more muscle on my legs, whichever helped retain water, it's visible and I'm doing better at the gym. Guys, seriously if you're struggling because the scale isn't budging, or you don't see progress, hang in there, don't give up, don't ruin it with a huge binge, just give it time. They say fat cells hang on to water to keep their shape therefore you not only stay the same Weight, you can stay the same SIZE despite losing fat. That's very obviously what happened here. But it comes off eventually!
I'm so giddy. Since Tuesday I can't stop looking in the mirror and smiling. Fuck yeah i deserve this. This progress really hit me like a truck over fucking night.
[Goal] 7lbs by my birthday
/u/LeithLeoni
Created: Thu Sep 13 05:10:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fh21l/7lbs_by_my_birthday/
---
It’s the difference between being normal thin and boney thin. I have 11 days.
You might have an ED if
/u/morose_adipose [5'2 | 100ish but dropping again | F]
Created: Thu Sep 13 05:08:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fh1n7/you_might_have_an_ed_if/
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....you have a major natural disaster (fuck right off, Hurricane Florence) coming at you and there is a very high chance you will be trapped/flooded in without power, so the trip to Wal-Mart should involve stocking up on whatever non-perishable food items you can get your hands on but instead you wander around for 3 hours reading labels and determine that basically nothing is safe in any kind of quantities with that fat-ass binge monster lurking inside of you. So you just buy some turkey jerky, dried edamame and a few cans of broth, cross your fingers and hope for the best.
My dogs are set though, so I'll be fine. And hey, if I run out of jerky and edamame, guess who's fasting for an unforseen amount of time? This chick!
Y'all stay safe though if you're in the path of this bitch. Don't be me - stock up and be prepared if you have time still. <3
Daily body check. I’ve lost over 10kg and I’m still fat.
/u/heyimbored_
Created: Thu Sep 13 04:13:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fgquk/daily_body_check_ive_lost_over_10kg_and_im_still/
---
https://i.redd.it/ccw4kzwsdzl11.jpg
birth complications and ED?
/u/manateens [5'4 20F | 145 / UGW 98 | BMI27]
Created: Thu Sep 13 03:53:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fgn1b/birth_complications_and_ed/
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Sorry for the low effort post but its 5am and i'm not capable of better right now
I was looking into it as I was talking to my friend about how I was born with a knot and the cord around my neck, severely oxygen deprived and was commenting on how lucky I was to not really have major issues resulting (like they can cause seizures and cerebral palsy and possibly linked to SIDS) when I looked it up and apparently some studies have been done linking it to eating disorders and affecting appetite programming throughout adulthood
anyone have any thoughts on this or experience? or know where the fuck to go from here if it is truly something traceable to my literal actual fucking birth?
[Discussion] Weight loss clinic
/u/fluobun [183cm | 31.05 | 23F | BED]
Created: Thu Sep 13 03:50:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fgmjn/weight_loss_clinic/
---
This is kinda fucked up, but wouldn’t it be amazing if there was a weight loss clinic where they would just ask for your goal weight, then hook you up on an IV and put you in a coma only to wake you up when you’re at your goal weight? I feel like I am just too weak to crush this horrible binge cycle I’m in right now alone.
[Rant/Rave] I’ve spent my grocery budget for the month
/u/BlondeActually [Height 5’4 | CW 94| BMI 16.1| HW 120| LW 89| GW 88 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 13 03:19:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fggxq/ive_spent_my_grocery_budget_for_the_month/
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And although I’m sad I won’t be having any energy drinks, I am happy that I’ll have to live exclusively off of tea, coffee, and skim milk. I have two lonely packets of soup and a bit of oatmeal in my cupboard, and a small bowl of chopped watermelon in the fridge. My boyfriend won’t be happy but c’est la vie.
[Help] first fast... help me
/u/BunnyAwesome [5'7"| F | CW 120 | GW 110]
Created: Thu Sep 13 03:12:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fgfdu/first_fast_help_me/
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hello lovelies, I'm home alone today on a day off and I ate a bit much this week (1100 at the weekend, then yesterday 900+) and I'm considering doing a fast. I've never fasted on purpose before, so I've got a case of coke zero, and a can of monster zero, and just got some celery and mustard in case I fail miserably (my shopping this morning was just ED city lmao I looked so suspicious) but does anyone have any tips or advice? I know I'm going to start getting hungry at some point, how do I ignore it? I'm planning on spending the whole day on ESO to pass the time, and watch some trigger tv on youtube... but anything else would be greatly appreciated. I don't want to feel like more of a failure at the end of it...
Thank you <3
Friend who is showing disordered tendencies always trying to "sabotage" me
/u/smileyslimey [5'5 | 98 | 16.3 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 13 03:11:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fgf8t/friend_who_is_showing_disordered_tendencies/
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So, I have a close friend who has always been into healthy eating and exercise and veganism and weight loss. For reference, I'm around 5'5 105 lbs and she is probably 5'7 and 120 and she's super kind, beautiful and athletic.
She doesn't know about my ED and thinks Im just naturally this thin.
Recently, I've noticed some worrying behavior from her. She talks about chugging bottles of diet coke and coffee (when she always insisted that those were unhealthy before) to not eat during the day, struggling with binging on non-vegan junk food, feeling extremely fat and guilty for eating. I'm very worried about her and tried to support her and encouraged her to bring this up to her therapist she is seeing for other reasons.
Now what I've also noticed is that she seems to intentionally try to sabotage others, especially me. When she got gifted sweets for her birthday, she gave them to me and other friends and said we should eat them so she could feel "less fat". She keeps watching everyone eat and it's extremely obvious and uncomfortable and she becomes very upset when someone eats "not enough", although my friends are all fit and healthy and eat well.
I eat normal portions when I'm with others but she keeps encouraging me to eat more, and even putting high-calorie foods on my plate without asking me and telling me to eat it. When she asked how I take my coffee, I said black and she brought me coffee with tons of cream and sugar in it. And all this while she never eats anything and never drinks anything with calories.
Since she is my friend I want to support her, and it's not like I don't understand that disordered people always compare their food to others and like when others eat more than them. But this constant, obvious behavior is very uncomfortable and also hella triggering to me... I'm really unsure of what to do because I don't want to trigger her any further.
What does “mess up your metabolism” actually mean?
/u/subarremos [5'3 | CW: 103 | GW: 88]
Created: Thu Sep 13 03:00:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fgdde/what_does_mess_up_your_metabolism_actually_mean/
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I have an account on a calorie counting app that also enables users to post things and comment.
When someone is heavily restricting, theres always that “you will mess up your metabolism” coming from either gym bros or girls that eat junk all day and don’t understand why they are not losing weight.
what the hell do they mean by that?? I feel its like the starvation mode bullshit to avoid people from heavy restricting.
for what I understand, you have a higher metabolism if you are more active and a lower metabolism if you sit on your ass all day (like me)
* sorry for any English mistakes
[Other] 50% of the time I want to increase my intake. The other 50%, I feel like shit for eating more than 500 calories.
/u/chezpajama
Created: Thu Sep 13 01:59:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fg34a/50_of_the_time_i_want_to_increase_my_intake_the/
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Title says it all, I guess. I’m in a weird place.
On one hand, I want to work towards being stronger and healthier. On the other, I want to push myself to be underweight and “above” the comfort / enjoyment of food.
My intake goal changes daily. Sometimes I think 800 is ok. Sometimes 1200. Sometimes I want to cry because other people are getting by on 200 and it makes me feel fake af.
To further complicate issues, I have a predilection for substance abuse (to cope with depression, anxiety, ED). So I know nutrition is even more important.
I’m just so frustrated with myself.
In the 130's now!!
/u/Hairless_Human [6' | CW 139.8 | BMI 18.20 | WL -140.2 |M 21]
Created: Thu Sep 13 01:43:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fg0ik/in_the_130s_now/
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139.8lbs! Only by .2 but man the feeling that hit me when I stepped on that scale was AMAZING. I have also lost more weight than I currently weigh right now (-140.2lbs lost after 1.5 years). 39.8 more lbs to go!
"Have you gained weight?" I'm spiralling a bit right now, I can't sleep.
/u/KhomaBrutI
Created: Thu Sep 13 01:22:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ffwwn/have_you_gained_weight_im_spiralling_a_bit_right/
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I'm so upset, I came running back to Reddit, don't know where else to go. My dad is so manipulative, and my mom just sweeps everything under the rug. Here's what happened: my dad has a sore knee, and sometimes he'll ask me or my brother to sit on it while it's extended to put some pressure on the joint (apparently it helps). Today, I refused because I don't want to cause damage. He then said, "Fine, if you won't help me, don't talk to me." Because I'm pathetic, I walked right into his manipulative BS--went ahead and put pressure on the joint. He says, "get up, you're doing it wrong." Three more times this happens. Finally, he looks at me and says, "Have you gained weight?" And starts laughing, looking me right in the eye. I said nothing, just left the room. But once I was back in my own room, I started hitting myself, which I haven't done in a while. I get so angry, I'm afraid of hurting other people, so instead I hit myself.
Earlier today I was so pleased that I can feel my ribs again without pressing down at all. But now I'm so disgusted with myself, I wish so badly I could go back to two years ago before I gained all the depression/binge weight. I can't believe I thought I was fat back then. And I know that when I am that weight again, I'll just want to keep losing. No one knows about my weird weight behaviors, they only notice when I gain and then they have all kinds of things to say. The other day, my mom was reminiscing about when I was thin, she said "you were like a model." My dad just scoffed "yeah, sure." It's never enough, when my weight is down, he tells me I need a nose job; when my weight is up, he says how fat I am. I did both running and swimming today. I can put my pinky and thumb around my forearm, no problem. But it's never enough. Now I can't sleep, I'm manic, all I can think about is the different strategies I'm going to be using once I'm back at university, away from my parents so that I can get back to my pre-binge weight.
[Rant/Rave] Not to be dramatic or anything but my life is a nightmare from which I cannot awaken
/u/binkybarnes6969420 [5'2.5"|107.0|19.87|-28.0|16F]
Created: Thu Sep 13 01:17:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ffvwk/not_to_be_dramatic_or_anything_but_my_life_is_a/
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WARNING: wall of text incoming.
Haha so this boy I met a few weeks ago invited me over to his house today to play Final Fantasy and maybe make out. You know how it goes.
A lil bit of background info: this boy is very skinny and petite. He is like 5’5” at most and 98 pounds. At first I was weary because part of the reason my last relationship ended was my bf being skinnier than me(at the time I was borderline overweight), and my shallow ass couldn’t handle that apparently(there were a whole myriad of reasons, not just that, that led to us breaking up but here is neither the time nor place).
So I’m at his house, we’re in his room and we start kissing. He not so subtly tells me he’s hard; meanwhile I am feeling nothing and I can’t tell if it’s because I’m not attracted to him or if it’s my nonexistent libido from hardcore restricting the past few days. Anyway, I end up laying on his arm and I quickly apologize with something along the lines of “oh sorry my fat ass crushed you lol”. And then he says, predictably, “you’re not fat”.
I love to hurt myself though, so I couldn’t just leave it at that. I pressed. I said: “do you think I’m fat?” I know I shouldn’t have said it. What was I expecting anyway? For him to tell me I’m a whale and kick me out of his house? I wish I could say it slipped out, but to be truthful I know it didn’t. That was all I could think about.
He said “No I don’t think you’re fat, I do think you’re thick though”.
THICK.
I wanted to off myself right then and there. While he was attempting to molest my neck with his tongue I stared intently at his bedroom wall trying not to cry.
Was my scale lying to me? Was I not 106.4lbs this morning? Can I trust what I see in the mirror? For the first time in as long as I can remember, these past few weeks I’ve actually felt like I could see a difference in my body versus what I looked like at my highest weight. I had finally gotten back to what felt like ‘being good’ at restricting. All of this was dashed away by one well intentioned comment.
In these situations I must ask myself: why am I so damn fragile? How could one comment wreck my entire self worth like this? All I know is that I’m not eating tomorrow.
"I'm so cold!"
/u/JaneLane26
Created: Thu Sep 13 01:04:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fftjf/im_so_cold/
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Please label Rant
And I'm a fatass that has blubber, so I'm never cold, is what I wanted to say.
Instead I said : "Because you're so small!", cheerfully.
A girl at work who is the absolute opposite of me - petite, fun, attractive, sweet and skinny skinny skinny(!!!) - said this to me today. Did she say this on purpose? (the voice of this disorder)
To add salt to the wound, there's a guy I've casually been hooking up with and they flirt also. Me and the guy are totally casual, so I'm typically not jealous because he's just as flirty with others as I am. But with her I can't not be jealous because she just embodies all the things that I fail to be.
It even baffles me that he finds my gross body attractive enough to have sex with it.
There are other things going on that have brought my old habits back, but this was definitely the cherry on the sundae that I consumed and purged. God damn it.
Low-Cal Substitutions That Did Not Work
/u/hammerprice [5'11" | obese | -17lb | 26F | vegan | inbox always open to talk!]
Created: Thu Sep 13 00:58:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ffs6p/lowcal_substitutions_that_did_not_work/
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A friend of mine drinks caramel-flavored instant coffee black with sweetener, and I thought that sounded interesting, so I tried adding some sugar-free maple flavored syrup to my black coffee. Baaarrrrf. I didn't know it was possible for something to be simultaneously too sweet yet not sweet at all. Think I'll wait for syrups that are actually supposed to go in coffee lmao.
What are some low-cal experiments/subs you tried that were a big flop?
Scared.
/u/xStingx
Created: Thu Sep 13 00:54:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ffrc3/scared/
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These past four days I've been just eating. Which is odd for me because I've been doing low restriction since Jan. I'm scared that I'm becoming normal again and I'll get fat again. It terrifies me. I just went in my fridge and cabinets as ans threw out a lot of food. I've all already had my period so I know it's not that. I'm freaking out. I hate food and I just want to die at this point.
[Help] What happens if you purge after taking a birth control pill?
/u/eighttorches [5'2 | 15 from goal | F]
Created: Thu Sep 13 00:44:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ffpfm/what_happens_if_you_purge_after_taking_a_birth/
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I never thought id be asking this but if you purge a few hours after taking the pill can it make it not effective? Sorry im a hungover anxious mess right now
Which should I try first?
/u/Hairless_Human [6' | CW 141.6 | BMI 18.43 | WL -138.8 |M 21 ]
Created: Thu Sep 13 00:35:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ffnqk/which_should_i_try_first/
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https://i.redd.it/u26vcvguayl11.jpg
[Tip] everyone should read The Subtle Art if not Giving a Fuck and here’s why
/u/dollydomer [Height 5'5 | CW 109 lbs| Weight Lost 15 lbs | Gender F]
Created: Thu Sep 13 00:32:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ffndf/everyone_should_read_the_subtle_art_if_not_giving/
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anxiety comes with eating disorders and so does way overthinking. we all care too much about what other people think about and make our decisions based off of other people (i used to deny this but it’s true, if you don’t believe this maybe spend a day being conscious about it and ask yourself why you edited that insta photo or anything). we all do things we don’t want to because we want to be nice to someone.
jim carrey once said in an interview « i realized i am not a boy experiencing the universe i am the universe experiencing a boy »
the only thing that matters in this world is what you do, because you are the universe. we shouldn’t be living our lives because of other people; they don’t matter.
we stress out over not fitting into clothes bigger than our regular size because we overthink, when in reality it’s just clothing. but yes clothing size is gratification. and eating disorders thrive off of gratification. however we can get the same gratification off of just looking in the mirror or the number in the scale go down or waist or leg size go down.
THE POINT IS we stress too much about the little things. and that’s why i think everyone should read that book. even though i still struggle really bad it just changed my mindset so everything just clicks and i understand how this is all supposed to work
(i would love to hear thought and comments down below as it is late and did not structure my thoughts very well. still working on that. this is why i’m also sub to the r/ADHD :D)
anyone else not care about alcohol calories?
/u/gogurt1
Created: Thu Sep 13 00:27:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ffmhr/anyone_else_not_care_about_alcohol_calories/
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idk if it’s just me, but i’m so meticulous with counting every piece of food or beverage that gets anywhere near me, but for some reason if it’s alcoholic i literally don’t give a fuck
[Discussion] Intrusive thoughts
/u/AllFamiliar [5’3” | CW: 107 lbs | BMI: 18.93 | UGW: 97 lbs | F]
Created: Thu Sep 13 00:06:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ffie5/intrusive_thoughts/
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Long story short i’ve been saying i’m recovered knowing damn well i’m not in the slightest bit and still ec stack and restrict and used to purge but haven’t in years. I’ve never gotten professional help for it but i’m going to open up to my doctor for the first time soon. I don’t necessarily think i’m ready to recover yet but I’m trying to stay away from purging again. It’s been a bad week and my ED is worse than it’s been lately. I’m laying down right now and had an intrusive though to go vomit right now because I feel too full, now i’m worried i’m going down the road to purging again. Has anyone else gone through that and how do you distract yourself when it happens? Usually I drink water or eat to distract myself from things so I’m stuck right now and it’s night time so I can’t work out either which is my other way I distract myself AHHH!!!
[Other] Looking for a quote - anyone know?
/u/habeas-corpses [5'4 | CW: 105 | 18.0 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 13 00:01:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ffhbf/looking_for_a_quote_anyone_know/
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I saw a quote once that went something like “never believe a woman with an eating disorder when she says she hates food ... food is her life” or something to that effect.
Does anyone know this quote? It’s been bugging me, I wish I had saved it when I first saw it!
Which should I try first?
/u/Hairless_Human [6' | CW 141.6 | BMI 18.43 | WL -138.8 |M 21 ]
Created: Wed Sep 12 23:40:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ffdfb/which_should_i_try_first/
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https://i.redd.it/xig92zr21yl11.jpg
[Discussion] DAE feel guilt with OMAD?
/u/SkinnyisSexy [5'7.6 |128.4|gw115|19.6| F]
Created: Wed Sep 12 23:29:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ffbf7/dae_feel_guilt_with_omad/
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I have to restrict all day otherwise I binge, OMAD saved me guys. I have to at least eat the nights before I go to work ( Don't want to be a bitch at work, I'm on my feet all day and will faint). I know I only ate 500 calories (at most) but god damn, feeling full makes me feel like a failure. I know it's irrational poopy ED head but for farts sake woman, get it together. Anyone else have this issue?
“You remind me of a young friend I have who can’t gain weight either.” -Random McDonald’s Patron
/u/kenakinns [5'5" |114.6 | 19.1 BMI |-24 lbs | Female]
Created: Wed Sep 12 23:29:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ffbdp/you_remind_me_of_a_young_friend_i_have_who_cant/
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I was grabbing lunch on a road trip & was by myself in Mickey D’s. This old man and his wife were leaving and he said this to me.
I was both flattered and kinda upset!! Like why was I at McDonald’s?? I didn’t finish all the food I bought. I never do. That’s my rule.
[Other] feel like i’ll never reach my ugw
/u/thirteencat [5'3" | CW: 109 | GW: 95 | BMI: 19.3 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 12 23:18:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ff94y/feel_like_ill_never_reach_my_ugw/
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I’ve been binging so much lately and I feel so disappointed in myself... I’ve been yo-yoing between 108 and 110 for the past two months, but I can’t seem to stop eating a ton after starting school again :( how can i stop stress eating????
DAE feel sick to your stomach after skipping a meal?
/u/im-nobody-too [CW: 109 lbs| GW: Maintain don't gain|26f]
Created: Wed Sep 12 23:03:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ff683/dae_feel_sick_to_your_stomach_after_skipping_a/
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My pattern right now is eating twice a day, at around 8am and 5pm. So basically, like a normal person except without lunch. But almost every day, I feel really sick, like I'm going to throw up, in the early afternoon. I haven't thrown up yet, but it feels AWFUL. And sometimes it takes a few hours to go away.But I never feel that sick when I've actually eaten.
Anyone else get this?
(probably should mention, I've had an eating disorder for a long time and I've gotten this feeling before, but it's never been this bad before, like where it happens on the daily)
do i SERIOUSLY look the fucking same
/u/duskedfur [5'7"|CW: 105|16.4|UGW: 100|F]
Created: Wed Sep 12 22:45:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ff2gs/do_i_seriously_look_the_fucking_same/
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i've lost 30 pounds since the beginning of the summer. 30 POUNDS. i went from 134 to 104 and none of my friends have said a single word to me about it. my dad, who i live with, hasn't said a word. my mom, who i don't live with, didn't notice when i came to visit. i posted a progress pic and deleted it after i got a comment asking how much i'd lost, because they couldn't see a difference. i've lost 4 inches from my waist, 3 inches from my thighs, a cup size, 3 jeans sizes, and NOBODY HAS SAID SHIT TO ME. i'm obviously not doing this for attention but it really fucks with my head to know that i must obviously look the same as i did when i was bigger even though the numbers have changed so much. i've never been this thin in my life and since my friends have known me but apparently nobody can tell. the only person to comment on it this entire time is my grandmother who offhandedly commented "you look a little thinner" yeah, 30 pounds thinner. i thought 30 pounds would be enough but i at least want to look somewhat different so i have to keep going lower, fuck this honestly
[Rant/Rave] Feeling triggered by people not noticing your weight loss?
/u/IllegitimatePigeon [5'2 | 97lbs | 17.7 | 20F]
Created: Wed Sep 12 22:45:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ff2gl/feeling_triggered_by_people_not_noticing_your/
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Man I feel like I’m playing with a double edged sword here because I get so upset when people mention my weight but at the same time get equally upset when they don’t??? I lost 12 pounds this summer just from diet changes and being poor and stuff which I know isn’t a huge amount of weight but it was enough to bring me into the mid 90’s and make all of my clothes fairly loose. And yet, when all my friends came back from school, literally no one mentioned anything. Not even my best friend who’s normally pretty sensitive to my weight fluctuations.
I know I should be grateful that no ones riding my ass about losing weight but at the same time,,, I just feel like I’m still so huge and fat still and I need to lose more so that people will actually notice. Yet the moment someone does comment, I’m probably going to get as equally triggered?? Why am I like this???¿
[Other] Waking up and feeling lightheaded/dizzy
/u/staticphat [Height: 5'3 | CW: Jabba the Hutt | GW: Bikini Leia]
Created: Wed Sep 12 22:36:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ff0mr/waking_up_and_feeling_lightheadeddizzy/
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Sometimes I wake up and feel kinda lightheaded or dizzy when I restrict and it feels SO GOOD knowing that it’s working and I’m doing something right. On the flip side, when I overeat/binge, going to bed and feeling my body digest feels HORRIBLE.
[Rant/Rave] Ive never been this suicidal before
/u/cas215
Created: Wed Sep 12 22:26:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9feyjl/ive_never_been_this_suicidal_before/
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My ED and my depression are on a seesaw, and my ED is not as bad as it has been, But its not like im not completely restricting, im still OMAD, but ive never been both restricting AND suicidal at the same time, and i can only remember one time before when i felt this bad. I cant stop my brain and everything just feels like shit. Sorry, I lied to get discharged from therapy so i have no other way to vent about this.
tfw you've been fasting for 24hrs and you suck in your stomach and your waist looks tiny 👌👌👌👌👌👌
/u/110_percent_bot
Created: Wed Sep 12 21:53:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9feqwd/tfw_youve_been_fasting_for_24hrs_and_you_suck_in/
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Now if only I could look like that without sucking in my stomach -\_\_\_\_-
[Help] What happened? Help
/u/thingsarestranger [5’2” | CW:123.9 | GW1:115 | SW:160 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 12 21:40:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fenrc/what_happened_help/
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I got home from work and school today and had been up since 7am. It was 7pm and I couldn’t keep my eyes open or my head up, literally ended up using my dogs bed as a pillow for a few minutes bc I couldn’t get off the floor. I had one meal today and today is the first day I didn’t b/p once all day (normally have been doing it 2-3 times a day). Didn’t have any caffeine today either normally have a coffee and 1-2 monster zeros depending on how tired I am. Normally I walk 8-10 miles today I only walked 5.5. Is it all just catching up to me?? I ended up feeling very hot when I eventually moved up to the bed and passed out for 4.5 hours. Any idea what happened and how I can avoid this next time?
Little trick that works for me: When I get hard cravings or am in danger of bingeing, I imagine that food item with a huge smear/spoonful of mayo on top. It grosses me out enough that I don’t even want to think about eating it anymore.
/u/estoniark
Created: Wed Sep 12 21:32:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9felx5/little_trick_that_works_for_me_when_i_get_hard/
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This has worked stupidly well for me so far. Even my absolute favourite snacks like Cheezits, hot Cheetos, and fruit are safe because imagining them with mayo is just too disgusting.
ED tricks am i right 🙃
[Discussion] Husband vs my orthor
/u/breebunny88
Created: Wed Sep 12 21:31:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9felsk/husband_vs_my_orthor/
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So late night run to the G-station with the husband to get me my zero calorie BLUE flavor power aid (yes it’s bomb) when my husband comes back with the biggest most giant Hersey’s chocolate bar. Oh my gosh lol low key dying on the inside. What a lil sh**t haha jk thank goodness I don’t like milk chocolate! But if it was dark chocolate with almonds oh man alive 😂😂
[Discussion] DAE feel the universe given you signs
/u/BEDBulimic [153cm | CW: 55.8 | GW1: 55 | -8.2 | 20F]
Created: Wed Sep 12 21:29:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fel5a/dae_feel_the_universe_given_you_signs/
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Sitting at a McD’s for the free wifi, drinking my water and Coke Zero.
I realise it’s kinda cold inside, so I stake out a seat outside. The only seats in the sun is at a table where someone finished their meal...
and left with their chips untouched and unopened aoli sauce.
Binch I’m naturally side-eyeing this and the lizard binge brain in me is whispering EAT EM EAT EM EAT EM EAT EM EAT EM (which is gross but honestly at my lowest point I’ve eaten out of my trashcan before so...)
Suddenly a huge ass gust of wind knocks the chips down on the ground and scatters them everywhere. Now I’m gross but I’m still vain/have a shred of dignity so I ain’t eating chips off the ground.
I feel like the universe spoke to me.
[Rant/Rave] Okay what the fuck???
/u/ManWithTheHands [6'5" | HW-333|CW-250 | GW-220 | BMI-27.56 | -83 | M19]
Created: Wed Sep 12 21:26:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fekmh/okay_what_the_fuck/
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I did nothing but stuff my fat fuckimg face when I got home today, and still ended up with a deficit of 1500. Am I really that fucked in the head that I think I'm bingeing when I'm still "under eating"?
Getting Weighed Tomorrow (pray for me)
/u/mabver321 [5'1 | CW 143 | GW 108| F]
Created: Wed Sep 12 21:21:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9feja9/getting_weighed_tomorrow_pray_for_me/
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I have a doctors appointment tomorrow and I dont have a scale at home so I dont know how much i weigh right now. Hopefully I can edit my flair to something lower
[Rant/Rave] My ED has made me severely anemic and vitamin deficient, now I am scared I am going blind.
/u/indentionsofme [Height 5"10 | CW 100| HW 142| GW 95 l BMI 14.3]
Created: Wed Sep 12 21:04:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fef64/my_ed_has_made_me_severely_anemic_and_vitamin/
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I knew I was anemic after seeing my general practitioner a few years back. She treated my ED like it was just something that happens and even when I asked her not to tell me my weight she said "oh good it's up a little from last visit" soooo fml I restricted for months after.
​
She had me get blood work and urinalysis done and it came back I was very anemic and had something wrong with my liver enzymes...whoooo knows! I never went back since I honestly do not give AF about my organs and she seriously triggered me to the point of avoiding all doctors.
​
A week ago, after not seeing a doctor for years, my pdoc. does blood work to test my lithium levels and also did general blood work since she asked if I had it in a while.
​
I am severely anemic right now and I guess I need to make an appt. with a doctor asap.
​
​
​
Here is the thing, my vision in one of my eyes has been messed up lately. I noticed it in the dark one night.
​
When I close my left eye my right eye is pitch black and when I close my right eye I can see fine out of my left. I looked into everything I do (EC stack, ED things, my many, many meds.) and all I found were sites saying anemia can cause blindness. Here I am now freaking out and going to make an eye doctor appointment tomorrow.
​
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My ED can kill me, that is fine. But as a visual artist and teacher, if I lose any vision I am done. DONE at life. WTF am I doing. That is all I have. Take my organs down, but not my eyes.
​
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Obviously I am doing the whole internet diagnosis and it can be something totally different, but I have "anemia eyes" and the one is bad and feels swollen. ughhhhhhhh fuck man.
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Just a nervous rant eekkk.
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"That's a lot of calories" -Panera Employee
/u/honeymilk66 [5'2 | cw: 130 lbs | -43 lbs | gw: 98 lbs]
Created: Wed Sep 12 20:33:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fe6zb/thats_a_lot_of_calories_panera_employee/
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I was at Panera today and in a moment of weakness I ordered a kitchen sink cookie. So this woman looks at me and she says "Oh, that sure is a lot of calories" and *then* hands the fucking cookie over to me. I was with a friend and I don't think she heard what went down but god I was mortified. I got this rush of like "Is this what people are thinking every time I order food?" and "Do people watch me eat and calculate my caloric intake?"
I feel like I'm disgusting for even ordering that cookie. But I ate it. The whole thing. In less than an hour. While I was driving. With my friend sitting next to me, who may also have been silently judging me.
Need a distraction!
/u/amooni95
Created: Wed Sep 12 20:30:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fe67w/need_a_distraction/
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I don't care what story you tell me but please tell me a story. Idc how random & Idc about what! I'm having a bad night and need some friends so I've down the only sensible thing to do... Turn to the internet for guidance lol it can be as simple as "today, I saw the weiner hotdog mobile and it reminded me of ASK ME ABOUT MY WEINER so I walked around with a goofy smile plasted on my face."
why
/u/robotwithadream [5'7" | CW: 135.8 | GW: 110 | F |]
Created: Wed Sep 12 20:21:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fe3zv/why/
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is it so much easier to restrict when im crushing hard!! hell yeah i cant control his feelings but i sure can control my intake!! why would anyone like a fat pig like me!!
[Rant/Rave] I’m so mad at people who “can’t seem to gain weight”
/u/aprilfades
Created: Wed Sep 12 20:06:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fdzub/im_so_mad_at_people_who_cant_seem_to_gain_weight/
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Because I can’t seem to STOP.
There’s an old say that goes something along the lines of “Some people live to eat, and others eat to live,” and I cannot FATHOM how there could be people that exist that don’t revolve their lives around food like I do. I’m just so jealous lol
[Rant/Rave] aaaAAAAAAAAA *tooting a trumpet with regret*
/u/LivelyGhost [5'6" | CW: 136 | GW: 111 | -28 lbs]
Created: Wed Sep 12 20:00:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fdyan/aaaaaaaaaaaa_tooting_a_trumpet_with_regret/
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guess who binged on: a croissant breakfast sandwich (400, fukc u aunt jemima), a chocolate muffin (750), a bowl of udon (250), 6 chicken fucking nuggets (220) for a grand whopping total of 1670 calories!!!! Including the spicy 900 calories I ate and was planning at stopping at today!! HooOooooOOOOooÕÕ boy.
I’m just gonna pretend like this didn’t happen and start fresh tomorrow!
And that is what I would say if I could tackle my eating behaviors like a relatively normal person, what I’m really going to do is put on a face mask, lie down, and then fast for the next 2 days. Only for the cycle to repeat after a week of restricting!! :-)
Shortest Recovery Attempt?
/u/Death_by_Hedgehog
Created: Wed Sep 12 19:58:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fdxr3/shortest_recovery_attempt/
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8:45 pm Google: "Anorexia recovery meal plans (no weight gain)
9:30 pm Self-trigger by re-watching To the Bone
​
[Rant/Rave] why the fuck am I craving so much bread?
/u/music_saves_me [5'3F | CW:106 | BMI:18.8|GW:100| UGW:95lbs]
Created: Wed Sep 12 19:53:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fdwan/why_the_fuck_am_i_craving_so_much_bread/
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Goddammit.
I reached my first GW of 105. That was with a b/p cycle (though I wouldn't really binge, more just purging).
I am currently trying to start restricting my calories and exercising beyond what's a given (walking a mile and a half to and from University every week day and walking another mile to that to work 3 days out of the week).
But I am failing right now. Bread is my ultimate weakness (bagels, pancakes tho I know those don't really count).
How can I distract myself from it?
Also ughajdkfks it's so frustrating how hard it is to purge bread out. Like I fail or always take forever to get a little out, with by how long it does take I might as well not even have purged bc my body absorbed calories.
Which question, how much cal does the body absorb in 15-20min? Ugh
Sorry to all who read but f$*ck am I frustrated.
Going out for a 5 mile jog in a bit to start the exercise and hopefully can maintain my fast til the weekend to make up for eating bread
Better coping mechanisms?
/u/electraisdead [5’5 | 150 | 24.9 | 0 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 12 19:52:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fdw44/better_coping_mechanisms/
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After a hard day or a bad class I eat. and today it wasn’t that bad bc i didn’t eat in the morning and now i’m at the gym but seriously. Any ideas on things i can do to distract myself from my bad day that don’t result in me getting fatter? cause that’s what got me here in the first place unfortunately
Nausea from a binge.
/u/edthrowaway12121
Created: Wed Sep 12 19:40:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fdsyx/nausea_from_a_binge/
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I’ve been med - high restricting 650-1200 ish this entire past week and a half. Doing so good. Tonight I decided to ‘happy’ binge and now I feel so full and nauseous. I don’t purge because I actually have a phobia of vomiting so I’m both freaked out and disgusted.
Lol why do I do this to myself......
[Help] Anorexia Is My Personality
/u/coolmistmama
Created: Wed Sep 12 19:31:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fdqp6/anorexia_is_my_personality/
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I recently had an outburst with someone who has become increasingly special to me. This outburst came after eating about 600 calories of food that day and inhaling more alcohol than would be prudent on a 2,000 calorie day.
I ruined their night and their opinion of me. And in the fallout I’ve realized that I have let anorexia take hold of who I am as a person. It’s a crutch, it’s my best friend, it’s behind every action I take. I lash out uncontrollably, I cry regularly, and I’m so miserable.
And is it worth it? Like I don’t even have a goal weight but I almost imploded the second of two very important relationships in three months. And to that end I have destroyed a friendship at a time when she really really needed my help. I couldn’t give it because who I am is so wrapped up in myself and my pursuit of “thin”. Hearing her tell me what she’s been going through while I am more concerned with how little I can eat was so fucking jarring.
I’m so disappointed in myself. Disappointed that I am so weak that I have allowed anorexia to completely poison my mind. Ana isn’t me. At least it’s not who I want to be. But she’s all I think about and it’s all I do.
I want to be recovered. I want to be able to be healthy enough for my hair to grow back. I want to be healthy enough that I can have another kid one day. I want to live to get married and have a healthy relationship with my husband that isn’t centered around food.
Fuck I am so tired of thinking about food. Of not living. Of just all these starts and stops on the road to recovery. If anybody has advice for someone who is struggling and consistently failing at recovery I’d gladly take it. I’m so fucking sick of anorexia defining me and of me letting it rob me of health and happiness.
[Rant/Rave] haha i’m in danger
/u/smolbeanbaby [5'2 | 132 | 24.1 | 34 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 12 19:23:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fdoip/haha_im_in_danger/
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a guy i’m hooking up with counts calories. i barely ever see him eat and he said he doesn’t like to eat after 7. i was talking to him about how i can’t fast working here and he said he has, but i need to drink more water and electrolytes.
i asked why he fasted, he said to burn fat, i said “isn’t fasting the hallmark of anorexia?” and he was like i don’t do it that often. he definitely doesn’t look anorexic, like he’s fit af and has muscles but yeah.
i’ve lost more of my appetite since hanging out with him unless i’m smoking because it doesn’t revolve around food!! whenever i go out with other people it’s like let’s go get dinner and he’s just like ehh i’m not that hungry and i’m like this is great for my mental health.
god bless my competitive mindset
Everything sucks, so I eat, even though I need to be thin more than ever
/u/okokokstop [5'2.5 | CW118 | GW109 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 12 19:00:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fdipp/everything_sucks_so_i_eat_even_though_i_need_to/
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Warning: extremely unoriginal thoughts ahead.
I have been having sort of breakdown for the past week and a half. I mean, I've been depressed for years, but then in the last week I moved into a shit apartment, work got stressful, my work crush turned into an asshole, and I basically want to die (more than the usual).
So my eating and exercise have gone to shit. But if I could just get control again, I could get through all this shit. Losing weight would make it tolerable. I wouldn't be happy, but I'd survive. But I can't seem to do it when I'm this stressed and despairing. I need to figure out how. I'm only good at restricting when I'm a little more stable or I have something to motivate me. I have nothing right now.
Any one have any tips on how to get out of the overeating and not exercising pattern and back into being good, even when so stressed and depressed? How do I remind myself in those moments when I feel like I NEED to eat crap that if I just stick to a diet I will actually feel better.
I know there are no easy answers, I'm an idiot, no one can fix this for me. Maybe I'm hoping that just posting about this could help turn it around. I wish.
I thought I was overcoming emotional eating as I got older but I guess not. I can't even keep a stupid potato in my fridge, let alone anything tastier. I suck. Food is my only comfort and my enemy.
I'm so totally alone so if you read this, thank you!
[Rant/Rave] Feeling disgusting but still under 900 calories ! 🤦🏻♀️
/u/psychedelicpeach [5'5.5'' | 23.5 | CW:144 | GW:125]
Created: Wed Sep 12 18:56:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fdhdt/feeling_disgusting_but_still_under_900_calories/
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https://i.redd.it/qhn3l3ydmwl11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] When you’re still under 1000 calories....
/u/psychedelicpeach [5'5.5'' | 23.5 | CW:144 | GW:125]
Created: Wed Sep 12 18:52:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fdgir/when_youre_still_under_1000_calories/
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https://i.redd.it/mc2ne5uslwl11.jpg
[Help] Does your period make you weigh more?
/u/citrus_juuiice
Created: Wed Sep 12 18:29:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fdabz/does_your_period_make_you_weigh_more/
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Mine just started today and I’m a bloated whale. I’d been losing at a pretty good rate from restricting but I’m wondering if this will cause stagnation.
[Help] Help
/u/bitpattern
Created: Wed Sep 12 18:26:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fd9pl/help/
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I'm relapsing and i just want to fucking die
[Other] raise your hand if your goal weight is 100 lol
/u/sugarpiIl [5’5 • 197.4 • F]
Created: Wed Sep 12 18:26:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fd9l8/raise_your_hand_if_your_goal_weight_is_100_lol/
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i feel like so many of us have that as our magic number
idek why but like no other number feels right lol
[Rant/Rave] my ex-friend had a fake ed and it pissed me off so much
/u/itsyaboifranzi [5'0| 105.6 lbs | 20.6 | ~20 lbs | F]
Created: Wed Sep 12 18:25:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fd9c1/my_exfriend_had_a_fake_ed_and_it_pissed_me_off_so/
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back when i was in denial this cunt i knew said she never ate, she called herself fat, her ig profile pic said "skinny girls dont eat" but yet she ate. she ate all the damn time and complained about being hungry every second she wasnt eating. a lunch for her wouldve probably be around 950 calories, not counting the food she'd steal from her friends or her big-ass breakfasts and dinners. i'd say her bmi is maybe 25 or so amd it has been there since i met her (if not, higher) but yet everyone treated her as if she was dying from anorexia and every time i didnt eat they'd tell me not to starve myself like she did. she never exercised or anything either. all she posted on ig was thinspo girls with basic ass captions like 'omg i wanna look like her so bad😍😍👌👌👏👉👏😍💯💯💯™️😍'. keep in mind, it was her personal account. everyone in my school knew about it and were always telling her to eat. she wouldnt hesitate for more than ten seconds and badly pretended to be bothered by it then proceed to eat the whole thing as normal. i was so worried she'd beat me to getting thin at first but now i see i dont need to anymore. i feel like a dick for thinking like this but i just had to get it out
Disney Had NO Chill And I'm Feeling Personally Attacked RN [Triggering]
/u/DootDeeDootDeeDoo [5'0|BMI:46.6|SW:285|CW:237|GW:75|FtM]
Created: Wed Sep 12 18:19:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fd7x1/disney_had_no_chill_and_im_feeling_personally/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tt0OByKSLxM
OMFG. I Feel Personally Attacked.
/u/DootDeeDootDeeDoo [5'0|BMI:46.6|SW:285|CW:237|GW:75|FtM]
Created: Wed Sep 12 18:15:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fd6tc/omfg_i_feel_personally_attacked/
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tt0OByKSLxM
[Rant/Rave] I hit just under my original GW yesterday and I sure as hell don't feel any different
/u/ZoAbii [5"2 | 18.8 |Female]
Created: Wed Sep 12 18:06:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fd4gu/i_hit_just_under_my_original_gw_yesterday_and_i/
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I've always wanted to get to 47kg's and thought it would be the number that would make me happy. Yesterday both of my scales showed a consistent 46.8kg's and I am full of hardcore doubt that that's even real. My "mini-relapse" started around 50kg's so it doesn't even feel like that much. Time for a second goal weight, maybe to 45kg's until I see what I want. :( I had 3 seconds of happiness and then BOOM gone.
I spent an hour and a half grocery shopping
/u/Yoni1660
Created: Wed Sep 12 18:04:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fd3v1/i_spent_an_hour_and_a_half_grocery_shopping/
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Anyone else just walk around looking for new “safe” foods or just drooling over high calorie food? I spent like $60 and most of it was zero calorie drinks. On the other hand if it’s crazy busy I quickly get my stuff and run to self checkout before anyone can see my cart.
[Discussion] Whale needs support
/u/damnbitchimfatasf [5'4 | 27.5bm| 23lbs | female ]
Created: Wed Sep 12 17:54:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fd1a9/whale_needs_support/
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So yesterday I hit 159 and I know i should be glad that I'm finally starting to some progress but idk??? My highest weight ever was 190 3 years ago because I used to be a hard core binge eater.
Like I'm talking pop tarts in the morning buying chips and cookies at school, going home and eating peanut butter crackers and more pop tarts and on top of that eating a heavy dinner afterwards. In short was a fat bitch lol still am but eh. It's just weird to think of a certain things I couldn't do back then like I thought i would die if i didn't have breakfast,lunch, or dinner but now it's eh. Sometimes an intense wave of hunger hits me but it's kind of faint now. I thought people who starved themselves were stupid and "thick" is where it's at but now i want to be thin or dainty so fucking bad. All my life I've been obese or overweight and I just want to be normal for a chance you know?
Wear jeans and don't have to worry about chub rub and ripping them in a month, wearing shorts and not have to worry about my massive thighs jiggling and disgusting calves. Just be healthy and not self aware I guess. And I'm so fucking close to it. Just being normal. So fucking close.
High restricting going well but I'm literally fatter... What gives?
/u/PM_ME_BrusselSprouts [5'3" | CW: 165 | BMI: 30.0 | 33, F]
Created: Wed Sep 12 17:46:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fczep/high_restricting_going_well_but_im_literally/
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I am on 6 days of eating much, much better than I normally do, averaging about 925 (cleanish) calories, working out an hour an a half a day, every day. This is coming off a summer of binging where I put on 15 lbs in like 6 weeks. I have also been doing the ~900 calories in a 4 hour eating window, tracking my fasts and getting at least 20 hours in of fasting a day.
The thing is, I'm overweight/obese and this should be like all I have to do to feel skinnier/lose weight. I initially lost and then started my period 3-4 days ago so I am waiting to weigh myself again on Friday. I feel bloated, my stomach is enormous and normally that's the first day of my period and then I'm fine. I took measurements and I'm afraid to take them again on Friday and get discouraged.
I have been eating 80% of my calories in fruit, veg, some tuna, etc. I weigh all my food to the gram and tend to over estimate, or leave food on my plate. I log every single thing I eat. No alcohol. Coffee daily and only two diet sodas total... I drink at least a half gallon of water a day and have a mildly active job. My TDEE is at LEAST 1700 cals, prior to this I was eating (drinking) minimum of 2200 cals a day.
I'm really afraid for Friday (weigh in before cheat day). I think I'm going to have a lunch (471 cals) of fruit and smoked salmon tomorrow and then fast for 29 hours before my cheat meal, but at this point I am actually petrified to step on the scale... Or even eat that many calories! But I kinda have to have something because my job/coworkers/workout is demanding.
Tl;dr: restricting and feeling even fatter and bloated
[Help] What to expect when outpatient?
/u/shiveryourselfskinny [H 5'2 | CW 117 | BMI 21.4 | Weight Lost 38 | Gender F]
Created: Wed Sep 12 17:33:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fcw4o/what_to_expect_when_outpatient/
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Well, my mom was finally able to force me into a doctor's office and now they're making me be outpatient at some clinic, I was wondering if any of you have any advice (I don't want to recover) or can tell me what to expect.... ?
[Rant/Rave] Does anyone else who’s been “in the game” for a long time feel like it’s harder now?
/u/tickerrtape
Created: Wed Sep 12 17:21:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fcszx/does_anyone_else_whos_been_in_the_game_for_a_long/
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I’ve had an ED for about 10 years now and have relapsed quite a few times (currently “relapsing”). I feel like when I first developed my ED fasting/restricting/using lax was so much “easier”??? I know that sounds sorta fucked up, but I can’t help but be frustrated with myself right now. I used to fast for days and days on end, but now it’s hard to go even 18 hours, even though I am currently just below my original starting weight (GAG). I took lax the other night and felt extremely weak and dizzy when I woke up the next morning, but I used to take up to 8 at a time and now just two makes me feel impossibly bad. Does this happen with anyone else? Does anyone else feel like these behaviors used to be “easier” or am I just a big baby now??
[Rant/Rave] a good old fashioned depressive spiral
/u/lawsoflife [5'5'' | CW: 170 GW: 110 | -40 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 12 17:14:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fcrjd/a_good_old_fashioned_depressive_spiral/
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I’ll be so happy and doing well in classes and work and going to the gym and hanging out with my friends and then I’m suddenly incapable of doing anything. It sucks bc I know I need help but I’ll have a really good month where I’m like oh I can handle this and then it all comes crashing down and then I really can’t do anything about it. I’m at a plateau, but that didn’t stop me from eating 2200 calories yesterday and 1000 today :(. I purged for the first time in forever and now I just want to lay in bed for a month, drop out, and never talk to anyone again.
[Rant/Rave] How have I only just discovered this?
/u/happy_but_unhappy [5'9 |CW 118.8 | 17.5 | GW 110]
Created: Wed Sep 12 17:05:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fcp90/how_have_i_only_just_discovered_this/
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Omg so I always rolled my eyes at the whole stereotypical eating disorder cutting food into very small pieces... until I just tried it. Damn... this is amazing the food goes on forever!
[Rant/Rave] I feel like a liar.
/u/edcody729
Created: Wed Sep 12 16:56:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fcmgm/i_feel_like_a_liar/
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Had a follow up Dr. appt today. It's only been two weeks since my last appointment and I only lost one pound. Constipation and bloating helped with that. Well because I didn't really lose much he didn't run bloodwork and stated that if I continue to maintain he won't run bloodwork at my next appointment either which is 3 weeks away. So what am I doing now? Fasting of course. He's trusting me and I can't keep myself from fasting.
I think I’m going to start purging
/u/Exoarmyl [5'4 | CW: FAT | GW: 140lbs | WL: ? | 17F]
Created: Wed Sep 12 16:51:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fcl3c/i_think_im_going_to_start_purging/
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As the title says, I think I’m going to start purging. Restricting is basically impossible for men because my boyfriend forces food in my mouth at any meal we have together, and then I feel like I already ate a bunch so might as well just binge more later. All this is doing is packing on more and more pounds, and I’m already way too overweight, so purging seems like my only option now.
Purging shouldn’t be that hard for me since I already have acid reflux (or whatever it’s called when the food comes back up a bunch of times) from my mother. It doesn’t come back up to the point where I can just rely on that to empty out my entire stomach. But that paired with my extremelyyyy easy to trigger gag reflex, throwing up isn’t really a problem for me. I’ve just been putting off purging cause I wasn’t sure if I should start, but now that school has started and I can’t even restrict there, this has become my only way out.
So yeah, I think I’m gonna start purging.
Euphoric AF right now
/u/DinosaursAndStarStuf [5'3.5| 107.4 | 18.7| F31]
Created: Wed Sep 12 16:50:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fckw1/euphoric_af_right_now/
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So I've been doing a decent job w/ my intake, having at least 2 protein shakes and lots of veggies during the day at work, then a semi-normal dinner at home. Last month, I wasn't eating at all at work.
Today I ran 4mi, walked 1.5mi, and have only had my 50kcal lunch of raw veggies after restricting pretty hard yesterday. Like, I wanna have my protein shakes, but I am SO fucking euphoric right now that it feels like I'm on drugs. And feeling like I'm on drugs is literally one of my favorite things - nothing too crazy, just alcohol, weed, occasional xanax but I'm careful about it, and goddamn MDMA if I could ever find it again.
I'll probably have my shakes tomorrow, but I just feel tooooo amazinggggg right now to fuck up this high.
Anyone else get super euphoric when restricting/fasting/in ketosis?
To weigh or not to weigh
/u/shapay199
Created: Wed Sep 12 16:46:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fcjsw/to_weigh_or_not_to_weigh/
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Recently I’ve been thinking about something. A little over a year ago, I stopped weighing myself in order to „not give that number that much power“, you know, r e c o v e r y. While I still think it’s probably better to not be to attached to your weight, being realistic, (at this point at least) I absolutely cannot let it go. I constantly guesstimate how much I weigh, how much I’ve gained or lost, how much I need to eat to lose x amount of pounds. I still very much care about my weight, I just don’t know the number, and it drives me insane. I feel like knowing gave me some kind of guidance as to how I’m doing, these days I don’t even know if I’m supposed to feel skinny or fat. Weight is a fact, admittedly not one you should base any self worth or even necessarily skinniness on, but it’s something I can trust, it’s not affected by my dysmorphia and can be reassuring (and yes of course also devastating).
Anyhow, this has lead me to the idea of starting to weigh in again, which sounds terrifying because I’ve definitely gained a bunch since last stepping on a scale, but I sometimes feel like i torture myself just as much not weighing myself. Thoughts? What are your experiences with weighing? Do any of you feel better either way?
[Other] The story of my WORST purge (feat. not my sink)
/u/Auredious [5,9 | CW: 125 | BMI 18.5 | M]
Created: Wed Sep 12 16:33:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fcg5e/the_story_of_my_worst_purge_feat_not_my_sink/
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Disclaimer: maybe a little disgusting and longgg
​
Backstory:
I'm a chemistry uni student currently on holiday in Yorkshire for my granddad's 90th in a holiday home (happy birthday granddad!). I started purging properly in my first year at uni but managed to kick the habit a couple of months later, which is a whole story in itself. Only when I am really triggered or down do I tend to purge.
Only my girlfriend knows I used to badly b/p and none of my family know (currently).
​
Events of the night:
\-Arrive back from a tiring day of hiking around Yorkshire dales, planning on making something healthy for dinner as well as baking some cookies. Wait? Sister thinks a family Fish and Chips ^(tm) is a good idea- all concur that a cheap fish and chips is exactly what we need to recover energy. Great, well if I make something quick I can have a few chips and then I won't be bothered by family members telling me to eat my share.
​
\-Skips forward 15 minutes and food has arrived and cookies are in the oven. I sit down and my shitty impulse gives way and I eat a good deal of cheap greasy chips. SHIT, but at least I can purge in the bathroom ASAP if I excuse myself. Family not worried at all. Turn on loud music and start the purge.
​
\-Reach the only bathroom and ready to go. Omg everything comes out, **no effort**, probably because its been a while since I needed to hurl and my gag reflex is on point. Try and use the plug to push down the remnants of my dinner as nobody wants to see this mess of orangey brown water filled to the top of the sink.
​
\-FUCK Fuck FUck, its not going down- quick look round the bathroom and no plunger (like what bathroom doesn't have a plunger??). Roughly 10 minutes passes of me trying to shove my chip-puke down the sink, what do my family think im doing? what if they need to use the ONLY toilet in the house. Quick think!
​
\-My fingers aren't long enough to push the blockage out (that i can't fuckin' see), therefore rip toothbrush, I can shove your handle down and hopefully make a hole. No luck. Push further- there are always sacrifices in war. Fully submerge toothbrush and hit bottom of sink but no luck. Now all I have is a disgusting toothbrush and a family which must think I have diarrhoea. Flush the loo to pretend the last 20 minutes was productive.
​
\-Getting desperate so decide- lets turn on the bath, tell people that I am just running a bath and they can't go in. Mission: find a cupboard with a plunger and make it inconspicuous (I smelt of puke right then therefore no contact). Open the door and leave. Shit forgot the cookies (still edible just a lil' dry). Plan works so far- no plunger but I find a small bucket, a cup and a sponge.
​
\-Quick google- how do I get rid of a blocked sink? 1. Baking powder and vinegar. Oh shit I can do that (#chemistrystudent) but I better be quick. Grab the ingredients and enter the bathroom.
​
\-Use the cup and sponge to get rid of as much shit as possible into toilet. Pour baking powder then vinegar. Make sure the bath is a good temp, yeah its good, but wait the baking powder reaction ain't fixing nothing. Another 10 minutes has passed at this point ( tldr my family have large bladders).
​
\-I examine the sink and reckon if I bend my toothbrush (which is already fucked) then I can poke at the blockage in the corner of the sink. Shit the toothbrush is stuck and wtf would it look like if I left it like that. Quick run out back- family on the desserts and so I retrieve a pen knife from Dad for an "unknown reasons".
​
\-Yay toothbrush out! Bath is nearly overflowing so better drain that (atleast that drain works :( ). Attempt 2# Wire coat hanger. Still no improvement so i'm thinking of excuse on how I blocked the drain with chips. Run to my bedroom and steal a coat hanger and fashion it into a hook (while thinking bear grylls would be proud).
​
\-At this point I'm thinking fuck it lets have a bath, but after no joke, another 10 minutes of scratching round the sink, it bloody well works. At this point I am hot and sweaty, but I need to clean the sink and get rid of the vinegar, toothbrush and coat hanger. Vinegar and coat hanger out the window, and toothbrush in the bin. Voila!
​
\-After about \~45 minutes of fucking around I finally get in the bath and curse myself for not throwing up in the toilet like any sane holiday maker. Genuinely so fucking stressful but writing this out is soothing.
​
tldr; purged in the only bathroom next to family eating their dinner. Sick got stuck :/
​
Real life images of my adversaries:
[https://imgur.com/a/efzcIWj](https://imgur.com/a/efzcIWj)
​
DAE get ridiculously sleepy when restricting?
/u/Throwaway413vander
Created: Wed Sep 12 16:09:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fc96h/dae_get_ridiculously_sleepy_when_restricting/
---
I'm wondering if this is an ED thing or something else but when I've been restricting it seems like I'm always sleepy. Like I could go for a nap less than 3 hours after waking up
[Discussion] Mini binge!
/u/glitchydowner
Created: Wed Sep 12 15:36:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fbzcs/mini_binge/
---
Dae start having a binge without thinking and then realise?! I stopped as soon as I worked out what I was doibg...Not sure whether to feel bad or proud
[Rant/Rave] Weight loss myths
/u/staticphat [Height: 5'3 | CW: Jabba the Hutt | GW: Bikini Leia]
Created: Wed Sep 12 15:16:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fbtd3/weight_loss_myths/
---
I don’t know why it’s so hard for people to understand that weight loss is just CICO. Instead, there’s all this bullshit about “fast metabolism” and “detox tea” and “starvation mode”. Yes, it’s 2:00 AM, and yes, I’m eating a cookie but I didn’t eat anything the whole day so shut the fuck up about late night snacking making me fat.
[Other] My life feels perfect
/u/landfill7707
Created: Wed Sep 12 15:05:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fbpwi/my_life_feels_perfect/
---
I’m honestly happy for once. I’m doing well in classes, I’m at a pretty happy neutral most of the time, and as my last post stated, my ED isn’t making me miserable anymore. I’m just a little worried because I know I’ve been eating more and subsequently purging more (in quantity and frequency) and not to sound dramatic but I feel like it’s too good to be true. I keep expecting it to catch up to me and for me to start spiraling but keep your fingers crossed for me I guess
Anxiety about going to small restaurants
/u/back-on-mybullshit
Created: Wed Sep 12 15:03:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fbpcp/anxiety_about_going_to_small_restaurants/
---
Sooo basically I have some friends coming into town for a college football game on saturday and we had planned to watch the game at a local sports bar. It's three days away and I've been compulsively poring over their menu (it's online, no calorie counts) for the whole day. I'll probably end up getting some sort of salad with all the good stuff (cheese, croutons, etc) removed and the dressing on the side but two of my friends know about my ED past and I don't want them to be suspicious. Plus there'll definitely be drinking of beer and probably going out to a bar afterwards if we win.
IDK I just want to have fun this weekend since I don't see them very often anymore (they graduated this May, I didn't) but I've relapsed hard into restrictive habits in the past few weeks and food is all I can think about. I've been good this week calorie-wise and I don't even hate the idea of a cheat meal/day where I eat at 1200 or maintenance, I just want to know what exactly I'm putting into my body. I really wish small restaurants were required to have calorie counts the way big chains are. Maybe I'll just work out/fast on sunday to make up for it. Maybe I'll eat at home before I meet them there (drinking on an empty stomach is no bueno for me). IDK
[Help] How many calories in sriracha?
/u/gothicapples
Created: Wed Sep 12 15:00:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fbo4a/how_many_calories_in_sriracha/
---
It says 5 calories per teaspoon but other places say zero calories
Why all the different information?
I want to fast tomorrow but I can’t
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | CW : 114| GW: 110 | UGW: 105| Female]
Created: Wed Sep 12 14:59:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fbo2a/i_want_to_fast_tomorrow_but_i_cant/
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I have a date with my bf and we’re getting food together. So I’ll just get a salad and call it a day and fast Friday and Saturday. But I want to fast now. I ate 400 calories today and I worry it’s messing up my weight loss.
Dae blame themselves for anything bad that goes on in a relationship.
/u/DoNotEatAllTheDonuts
Created: Wed Sep 12 14:54:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fbmjo/dae_blame_themselves_for_anything_bad_that_goes/
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Ok, so like I've been hooking up with the guy who has been my best friend since I was 14. He just got divorced a little less than a year ago and everything else. Anyway, I spent the week with him and I was HAPPY. I didn't purge once, I ate a normal amount of food, I wasn't worried about how disgusting I am(ok, that's a lie. I was worried but I wasn't obsessive with it). After frick fracking, I told him I have feelings for him and everything else because I'm an idiot. And I got the whole I'm not ready for a relationship thing, still not completely over my exwife, and I just think of you as a friend. I went from being ok with myself to hating every ounce of fat on my body. What is wrong with me where my best friend can't even love me? Why am I so disgusting? Why would I eat all that food around him? Like I know he's still destroyed over his ex-wife and everything else but I can't shake that it's because I'm a disgusting, horrible human being. I've been home less than 24 hours and I've thrown up 7 times. Why am I like this
[Discussion] What are your safe foods? How often does it change?
/u/twa1238 [F25| 158cm | CW 🐄 |]
Created: Wed Sep 12 14:53:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fbm39/what_are_your_safe_foods_how_often_does_it_change/
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Just wondering what your safe foods are and for how long you can think of them as that.
Mine stuck with me for a long time but somehow feel like fear food these days.
Restricting while having medical issues
/u/Someone_Who_Isnt_You [5’3”| SW: 250 | CW:195 | UGW: 110]
Created: Wed Sep 12 14:29:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fbehd/restricting_while_having_medical_issues/
---
How do you restrict when your body is trying its hardest to keep every pound?
Sorry, but this post is going to sound like an angst live journal blog. A month ago,my thyroids starting acting up. First I had the “fat” thyroids, hypothththen a week later, I enter into a state of extreme hyperthyroidism. I lost 35 pounds in a few weeks, I finally went under 200 pounds, and even though I hated my body, at least I can enjoy my weight loss.
Unfortunately, my doctor told me that I have Graves Disease and the rreamfent will make me gain weight. Not only does the radiation, make me “feel crazy” (the doctor’s words, not mine), I will also have concentration issues, mood swings issues, and other fun shit normal 25 year olds don’t want to do through.
Very weird and possibly TMI "does anyone else..." question
/u/eightstone [Height: 5ft 7 | CW: 8st 8lbs| BMI: 19 | Gender: F]
Created: Wed Sep 12 14:27:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fbe0h/very_weird_and_possibly_tmi_does_anyone_else/
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Sometimes at night, as I lie in bed, ravenously hungry, I scroll through buzzfeed articles about food or foodporny subreddits. When I see an image of a particularly delicious looking food I get this... *feeling* in my solar plexus that isn't a million miles away from what I might feel during arousal. Like a kind of spasm in my gut, in a very good way, and I even sometimes make a little involuntary moan sound. I don't feel "turned on" in a sexy way, but that's the only sensation I can think of that's similar to that involuntary shudder and feeling of stimulation I get when I see a particularly tasty food-pic when I'm low restricting. Please tell me someone else feels this! I promise I do not sexualise food or want food involved in my sex life in any way!
ED, the “gift” that keeps on giving
/u/JSC2011 [5’1” | CW: 98 | GW: 88 | 26F]
Created: Wed Sep 12 14:18:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fbbct/ed_the_gift_that_keeps_on_giving/
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So I have been in recovery for about two months now and have been feeling good. I stopped weighing myself and started eating what I wanted. I gained back some weight and didn’t freak out about it..... until I went and picked up my bridesmaid dress for my sister’s wedding. I completely forgot about it, but I got measured for that dress a the height of my eating disorder. The wedding is in two weeks and I have to lose 5 pounds in order to even look like I fit into it. “Thankfully”, I know all the tricks to lose weight fast. I’m back to working out two hours a day and eating nothing. Just hoping I don’t pass out in public. Fuck.
[Tip] from design to data, i made these personalized, color-coded calendars to keep my calories on track. (more info in comments)
/u/gatechnightman
Created: Wed Sep 12 14:15:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fbaes/from_design_to_data_i_made_these_personalized/
---
https://i.redd.it/hdy8iz0e8vl11.jpg
How to lose whilst studying for final year in uni
/u/gvbridgewater
Created: Wed Sep 12 14:07:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fb7u3/how_to_lose_whilst_studying_for_final_year_in_uni/
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I have a lot of commitments this year, my final year in my degree, which I want to get a good mark in as I may go on to do a masters. I also live in a shared house with my dog, work 2-3 shifts a week as a supervisor in a music venue, and want to get back to pole dancing twice a week. Any tips on how to maintain energy whilst losing? I know I should high restrict but I'm worried I won't see the results. Anyone got any foods that help maintain energy? Tips on inspo when I'm low on energy etc xxx
[Discussion] Does anyone else get scared just seeing calories?
/u/rattles-snakes
Created: Wed Sep 12 13:56:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fb48z/does_anyone_else_get_scared_just_seeing_calories/
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I dont see food any more. When my family have me for a meal it's no longer a lovely dinner in good company. Its 400 calories of pasta, 80 calories of olive oil, 1-200 calories of cheese, 200 calories of juice or wine, and it stares at me like a disgusting monster on the table until I can no longer force myself to breathe the smell of it in the air incase I somehow get calories from the scent. Even other peoples food scares me, a similar fear to standing on the top of a tall building and being afraid you may suddenly be consumed by the urge to jump.
Does anyone else feel anything similar?
'Emma' on amazon prime kept me from purging
/u/SpaceWhale88 [5'3 | CW 20lbs overweight | HW 197 | LW 122 | 30F]
Created: Wed Sep 12 13:54:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fb3pz/emma_on_amazon_prime_kept_me_from_purging/
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It's a doc about a young girl who is dying from anorexia. Its really, really sad. The whole time I was watching it I cried. I dont want to die. I want to live. And I dont want my ED to kill me.
Yet I still want to be thin. I dont want to be underweight I just want my size 4 body back (currently size 10). I want to lose weight in a healthy way but I'm really struggling. I either undereat or overeat. I can't seem to find the balance but I want to.
[Discussion] Baking sweets for others.. please only read if talking about food does not trigger you!!!!
/u/breebunny88
Created: Wed Sep 12 13:54:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fb3ks/baking_sweets_for_others_please_only_read_if/
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Okay so I love love love to bake. Always have. Ever since I was little. However my baking has somewhat turned into a habit of feeding others what I can’t /allow myself to eat with orthor. Tonight I’m making my husband Peanut butter and blue berry jam stuff French toast with sprinkled blueberries and powdered sugar maybe even topped with crisp bacon. I’m seriously so excited to making this I can’t even tell you ... but I’m thinking like is this my love for baking or my love for seeing beautiful treats that I won’t eat...?! Does anyone else do this?!?
Protip for people who binge on peanut butter
/u/bingeyboa [5'0" | 99lbs | 19.3 | -18lbs | F]
Created: Wed Sep 12 13:48:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fb1r4/protip_for_people_who_binge_on_peanut_butter/
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Hey, if you're like me and you b/p with peanut butter, try mixing the peanut butter with vanilla yogurt. It makes it less painful to purge, and if you keep it down, it's a bit lighter.
[Rant/Rave] I was a toxic friend.
/u/skinthin [5'0| 100 | 19.3 | 35 lbs | F]
Created: Wed Sep 12 13:31:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9faw6i/i_was_a_toxic_friend/
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Hey everyone, this is going to be a little long, but I just have a lot to get off my chest.
I’ve been seeing a lot of posts here about toxic friendships.
This year I’ve changed who I am for the better, I have completely devoted myself to it. I’ve recovered from self-injury, started working, gone back to school, broken off a 6 year long toxic relationship, gotten sober, opened up about my ED/started the process of recovery, and done everything I can to make peace with my past and become a better person. It may sound silly, but I truly feel like I was reborn...
In this process I’ve realized how toxic I once was. I was competitive with my friend in our ED, even if it wasn’t intentional some of the time, I was bitter about my situation and felt sorry for myself, and I just truly wasn’t a good person. I was toxic in so many ways. Thinking about the way I treated the people I claimed to love makes my stomach hurt.
I was the toxic friend I have been seeing so many posts on here about. I lost a really good friend because of it and I need to call myself on my bullshit, even if it isn’t who I am anymore, it could still be affecting that person, this community showed me that. I don’t know why I did the things I did. Part of me thinks it was because I enjoyed not being alone in the struggles of my ED and SH, part of me thinks I did it out of spite or just because I was sick and mental illness can turn you into someone else. It doesn’t matter why I did the things I did, in the end there is no justification, how can there be?
These posts have been sobering, and I want to make peace with it somehow. I guess I’m making this post because one of the last steps in my process of bettering myself is to admit I was wrong, I was toxic, and I didn’t realize the toll I took on my friends and relationships until I could see it from a new perspective, and also seeing how badly it affected you all through your posts. I want to be a good person, a good friend. I guess this is a start.
[Rant/Rave] "joke" insults about weight
/u/aplanetkid [5'7" | 21.04 | -15.2 | gw 110 | male]
Created: Wed Sep 12 13:10:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9faph4/joke_insults_about_weight/
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this probably sounds dumb but I was having a conversation with my friend last night and she responded to something I said by calling me chunky and then felt bad and said "in a good way"! I can't tell if she's serious because I'm not technically overweight but I feel like I look fat (why else would I be here?) and it motivates me more to make her regret commenting on my weight.
does anyone else take these kind of jokes way too seriously? I feel like an idiot.
[Help] Supplementing electrolytes!?? HALP!!
/u/peachygyaldem [Height 5'5 | CW 116 | GW 100 | -30 | 22F]
Created: Wed Sep 12 12:51:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9faj0i/supplementing_electrolytes_halp/
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Could anyone point me in the direction of which supps are the best for getting rid of those pesky heart palps, nausea etc associated with low restriction? Working a tough job as a student physio is really making me slow and foggy with restricting.
I have a general idea of what to supplement, but if I’m not getting a normal diet I need to supplement A LOT according to nutritional guidelines, whereas potassium and magnesium I’ve found in stores tends to be at super low doses to take alongside a normal diet...
I’m kind of at a loss, has anyone found the perfect combo of supplements/drink for throughout the day, or even a nutritious low calorie snack to add to the mix so I’m not as much of a zombie??
*whispers* one of us, one of us
/u/refinnejjjj
Created: Wed Sep 12 12:41:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fag18/whispers_one_of_us_one_of_us/
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https://i.redd.it/khvus9rmrul11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] I need my roommate to leave so I can purge
/u/citrus_juuiice
Created: Wed Sep 12 12:40:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fafpk/i_need_my_roommate_to_leave_so_i_can_purge/
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She should be leaving in the next 20 minutes so I can finally undo this terrible binge of Cheetos. But I’m getting anxious about it and it will only continue as long as she’s here. Also I worry my weight loss will be facing a set back so I’ll just fast friday.
Scale batteries.
/u/heyimbored_
Created: Wed Sep 12 12:25:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9faayj/scale_batteries/
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The batteries on my scale at home have been dead for 4 days, I keep on bugging my mum about it but I still have to wait 2/3 days until I can weigh myself again and it’s driving me insane
[Other] About to finish up my first 72 hour fast- but I’m pretty proud of my other stats too. :)
/u/alysiakw
Created: Wed Sep 12 12:21:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fa9i6/about_to_finish_up_my_first_72_hour_fast_but_im/
---
https://i.imgur.com/ZTVOarD.jpg
[Discussion] Does anyone else not like eating from bowls?
/u/BlondeActually [Height 5’4 | CW 94| BMI 16.1| HW 120| LW 89| GW 88 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 12 12:07:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fa572/does_anyone_else_not_like_eating_from_bowls/
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I can’t eat from a bowl. It’s hard to cut my food up into pieces, you can’t really see how much you have and I feel I eat faster from a bowl than from my little plate. Idk maybe I’m just weird.
Might be dying idk
/u/drowing_dancer [5’7” | CW 135 | 21.1 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 12 12:02:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fa3ol/might_be_dying_idk/
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My chest is so tight, it feels like someone is throwing a tantrum against my forehead, my body temperatures are going from extremes to extremes, keep getting the shakes, I’m lethargic af, constantly dizzy, and my stomach feels like it’s being stabbed. This round might kill me boys.
Google Fit calculates my maintenance calories way lower than anything else and it scares me
/u/MailingMaize [5'1 | CW: 111 | BMI 21.5 | GW: 95 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 12 12:00:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9fa2ur/google_fit_calculates_my_maintenance_calories_way/
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Most Android users probably know the Google Fit app, which downloads automatically and tracks your activity based on where your phone is. It's not as accurate as a Fitbit or other tracker, but once in a while I'll open it up and freak myself out because, at the end of the day, it tells me on a day of normal activity (if I don't run), I burn like ~1100-1200. Most other online calculators tell me 1600-1800. That can't be right, I hope? Anyone else use the app?
Ugh, eating is so hard. *need advice on stomach pain and cramps*
/u/IdidntChooseThis [5'11| CW: 121 | LW: 116 lb | bmi: 16.34]
Created: Wed Sep 12 11:21:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f9qwq/ugh_eating_is_so_hard_need_advice_on_stomach_pain/
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So, I've been here awhile, and I've been trying to pull out of this eating disorder for a while. Or at least eat once a day. I just don't like eating anymore, occasionally I'll eat out and enjoy the meal, but this eating disorder over the past 3 years has just fucked my stomach up. The alcohol probably doesn't help, but it really sucks that I can't eat food and that when I do I have to be prepared that i might want to sleep or lay down. I've literally had nights where I laid on my bathroom floor with cramps and stomach pain. Like, damn, it only took 3 years at a <17 BMI to completely fuck my life up. All in the name of beauty, pain, suffering, and self-loathing.
I'm a winner yall. How the fuck am I supposed to power through eating and weight maintenance if I can't even eat a meal out of the house without worrying if I'm going to have to poop immediately or lay down from the pain. God, residential and hospital refeeding must really suck if I have to eat three of these meals a day when my stomach can only handle 2 max on the good days.
This is your daily reminder that eating disorders suck and the aesthetic kills you. So get help before you end up shitting yourself and spending all your time in bed wondering when your kidneys are going to fail.
just a vent...
/u/yellixis [160/ 5'3" | 62kg | 24 | 13kg | M]
Created: Wed Sep 12 11:12:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f9o4s/just_a_vent/
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so at the weekend I had my scheduled quarterly breakdown and ended up at A&E. I waited hours to see someone...then eventually saw a Dr who was like. "Wow...that sounds so awful...jeez! You should try yoga."
I SHOULD TRY YOGA. She gave me a slip of paper with her favourite Yoga YouTuber on it...! I WISH I WAS KIDDING
Yeah honey doing yoga isn't going to cure me believe me I have watched enough exercise videos on YouTube (ha...).
So anyway. I used my student loan payment to buy like ££ books (for studies and some self help books. Ha!) from Amazon. Apparently they were delivered yesterday but the delivery guy decided to leave them on the outside doorstep of my building where they were promptly stolen...nice! Arguing with Amazon rn...
Last night I used up an entire box of rice crispys and two bars of chocolate, made a giant Sticky mess and ate it at 4am with a wooden spoon. Poured kitchen cleaner all over it to Stop the binge then scrolled through toxic proana tumblr until dawn when workmen arrived to tear out the neighbouring flat with the loudest tools known to man
Decided to fast all day but I'm somehow starving even though I binged
Somehow even from 2 weeks of this nonsense I haven't gained weight...small victories. But I'm not on track to meet my Halloween goal either
And cherry on top, as I was sneaking around campus yesterday (sneaking because I quit my on campus job and haven't gone back since Monday even though I'm supposed to work til October...) my head of department spotted me and asked me to come to a meeting tomorrow one on one before class to discuss issues. "Issues"
Just another day/ week/ month/ year in my life! :)
Remember when..
/u/ketokitty13
Created: Wed Sep 12 11:08:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f9mn6/remember_when/
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Remember when “being present” while eating was difficult? Like how it was hard to NOT to multitask while eating?
Hopefully it’s not just me, but since restricting heavily, I never have a problem with eating without distraction. It’s probably a combo of looking forward to my meals due to restriction or because I associate too many calories with weight gain or lack of progress.
I literally CANT think of anything else but my food while I’m eating now lmao.
[Rant/Rave] Confession.......
/u/gothicapples
Created: Wed Sep 12 10:57:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f9j8r/confession/
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I fucking hate celery
Sorry not sorry
[Rant/Rave] 1200isplenty makes me think I eat too much
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2 | 148 | Aiming for 146 by 9/25 | -12| f21]
Created: Wed Sep 12 10:46:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f9fuf/1200isplenty_makes_me_think_i_eat_too_much/
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Or too much "normal" food, And I eat 200-400 LESS than 1200. Arguably I do only eat 1-2 meals a day with a small snack once in awhile so I don't have to fit in 6 meals like some people. But I regularly eat 600-700 calorie normal meals with real rice and bread. I don't eat "diet" food other than some drink mixes once in awhile(I still even use sugar). I've only ate halo top once before I was even restricting again lmao. I'm even planning on eating pound cake today because it's my sisters school assignment and I don't want to upset her(plus have the calories). My resolution was I could restrict myself to few calories while sticking to a very normal intake..And may not always be 200% healthy stuff it's working for me, I just feel anxious that it's more than I think somehow because 1200 seems so...diety haha.
Yeah so I'm triggered by normal dieters today....
First attempt at foodles: I drew everything I’ve been craving (inspired by u/sad_skelly)
/u/Gyuu
Created: Wed Sep 12 10:28:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f9ab7/first_attempt_at_foodles_i_drew_everything_ive/
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https://i.redd.it/0hipn97u3ul11.jpg
[Other] One week weigh in...
/u/moonchldx
Created: Wed Sep 12 10:11:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f94u8/one_week_weigh_in/
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Last Wednesday: 122.6lbs (basically 123!!)
This Morning: 115
Down -8lbs
Can I do it another week?!
I’m not even fasting either... or maybe I am...
I don’t know anymore...
[Rant/Rave] Depakote...mood stabilizers in general...
/u/2sugoiii2dieee [5'3" | 200 | 35 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 12 09:55:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f8zjz/depakotemood_stabilizers_in_general/
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So I started taking Depakote about 2-3 months ago. My psychiatrist did warn me to watch out for weight gain, because usually I refuse to take anything that lists weight gain as a common side effect. I didn't notice anything at first, and in the past month I've actually been exercising and restricting, then I weighed myself a few weeks and BAM I gained 10 lbs. I am stopping this immediately... I don't know if I will take another mood stabilizer, I've tried so many, I think I'll just stick with Prozac and Vyvanse, maybe ask for Topomax again. For anyone who stopped taking Depakote and/or other mood stabilizers, did you find it difficult to lose that med weight-gain?
[Help] questions about recovery
/u/AgreeableReplacment
Created: Wed Sep 12 09:45:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f8wdj/questions_about_recovery/
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I'm about a month into recovery and I'm curious about a few things, I'd love if some of you could share your experiences.
Firstly I'm still experiencing pretty bad water retention specifically in my shoulders, back, lower tummy and thighs/knees. It causes a lot of soreness and stiffness as if those areas are all bruised up. For anyone who experienced this, how long did it take to go away?
For those who experienced amenorrhea - how long did it take you to get your period back? Mine has been gone for about a year and I'm worried that I did some permanent damage.
Also I'm still in this weird hyper metabolic state where my heart is beating really fast, I'm getting hot flashes and night sweats and my digestion is travelling at the speed of light lol. Has anyone else experienced this? If so how long did it last?
For those who experienced extreme hunger, what did your hunger feel like? I'm constantly questioning whether or not I'm actually hungry because I have zero physical hunger cues, I just get specific cravings like for oatmeal, potatoes and chocolate and i think about food a lot. I often feel physically full but still have a huge appetite. Also I crave water like mad for some reason, idk if this is normal. Its not that I'm actually thirsty, I just crave it and feel this need to chug water especially before or while I'm eating.
Also I'm losing soo much hair. It started before recovery and its gotten bad. I can't wear my hair down because it keeps shedding everywhere and I'm curious as to how long this might go on for? Its really annoying lol. Also I'm wondering whether my lanugo will ever go away?
Sorry this is a lot, I'm just struggling and it would help hearing about other peoples experiences :)
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Finally some “good news”
/u/Isaidbiiiitttttttchh [Height 5’9”| HW:216| CW:150 | GW: 132 Gender: F]
Created: Wed Sep 12 09:32:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f8sip/finally_some_good_news/
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I have two roommates who are at least 8 inches shorter than me, and I have long ago come to grips that as a 5’9” woman my skinny size is bigger than a short woman’s skinny size. That being said, I love being smaller than other people.
Yesterday I “peaked” at my roommates shorts that were drying in the laundry room and we’re the same size!!!! The sick part of me is so happy that I must be thinner than her to fit in the same size pants. Honestly it feels good and drives me to get just a size smaller.
Any other tall people with short friends who know where I’m coming from?
[Goal] I am 9 pounds from my goal weight
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | CW : 114| GW: 110 | UGW: 105| Female]
Created: Wed Sep 12 09:25:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f8q11/i_am_9_pounds_from_my_goal_weight/
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My UGW is 105 and I'm 114. I've been fasting and restricting, so I'm down 7 pounds. if I keep this up I might be able to reach this is two weeks. I'm so excited. I can see the finish line. I'm just worried I'll gain it all back.
tfw i'm too good at hiding my ed
/u/lightningmcqueef69 [5'5" | 118 | 19.6 | 18 | enby ]
Created: Wed Sep 12 09:24:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f8pl7/tfw_im_too_good_at_hiding_my_ed/
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gave myself a full-blown panic attack bc i hid my own scale too well. i always keep it under my couch and yesterday morning i slid it under so far that i couldn't reach it today and thought someone had found me out and almost passed out from panic #rip
but i found it and i hit a new LW! 117.6!
also my feet are numb and i can't walk more than 20 feet without getting dizzy but fuck me if im not gonna keep fasting until sunday like i planned lmao
[Discussion] How did your ED start? When does it go from dieting to disordered eating?
/u/throwawayyy1513
Created: Wed Sep 12 09:23:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f8pem/how_did_your_ed_start_when_does_it_go_from/
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This is a throwaway because I have friends who know my main Reddit account and I don’t want them to know this is happening.
I’m extremely overweight, obese by BMI. I had an injury for 7 years that basically made it almost impossible to properly exercise, I got super depressed, gained a ton of weight, and here I am.
My injury is finally recovered to a point that I can properly work out and I am so disgusted with myself that I got this bad that I want to lose weight ASAP.
I am trying to lose ~100lbs (I know, it’s like an entire person). I started with exercising at least an hour of pretty intense cardio and eating 1400kcal of healthy foods - focusing on unprocessed, whole foods. I was losing weight a bit, but not as quickly as I want.
So, I am trying to increase work out a bit, but have cut my kcal to about 900/day, but if I could eat less I would happily. For the most part, I eat a lot of salad, so I feel decently full most of the day, and I am at least getting decent nutrition. But I have noticed that I am trying not to eat, or minimize how much I am eating. If I feel hungry, I make tea. Before I eat, I drink an entire 32oz or water before I let myself eat so I eat less.
The other day, I wanted to hit 800kcal for the day, but made a salad that put me a little over 900kcal and my eyes actually watered I was so upset with myself. I bought a food scale now so I can weigh the foods and make sure I’m not eating too much, and I just keep thinking the larger my CICO deficit, the more weight I lose.
With exercise and everything, I burn over 3000kcal a day (according to Fitbit), and I just get so ecstatic when my deficit is 2k+. I’ve started weighing myself every morning, and sometimes a few times a day just because I so desperately want to see that number go down.
My goal weight keeps kind of changing. I first said 120, then 110, but this week I started thinking “How cool would it be to weigh 99lbs? To be in double digits?” I wouldn’t call this an actual goal... but 99lbs just sounds so little. I have lost 14lbs in 3 weeks, and the last two days I lost 1lb each. It just doesn’t feel like enough, like if I work harder I can lose 5lbs/ week.
I dunno, sorry for the ramble. I started looking at thinspo on tumblr bc I was hungry and didn’t want to eat and the little warning “is everything ok?” Actually made me be like... “Shit. Is everything ok?”
I’m honestly not trying to offend anyone. I know there is a huge difference between EDs and dieting, but I am slightly concerned that this is moving towards a disordered mindset about food, but I honestly don’t know anything about EDs, other than the common knowledge, and I don’t know what behaviors signal an ED vs just wanting to lose weight and maybe a bit of a radical diet.
Per community guidelines (and common sense) I am not looking for a diagnosis, but more stories of how other people started to progress with their EDs. What kind of behaviors are concerning vs just dieting?
That one time I laughed at my pants with my friend
/u/StarburnerRav [5' 10" |Trumps salary in lbs | -40 lbs | Male]
Created: Wed Sep 12 08:54:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f8giq/that_one_time_i_laughed_at_my_pants_with_my_friend/
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I was just thinking about this event that happened to me in the days before binge restrict cycles and obsessively thinking about food. It's one of the key moments I feel like I can pin point where my ED started and it still haunts me whenever I'm getting dressed or doing laundry, much less eating.
I remember my friend was over at my house and we were just hanging out in my room. We were probably 12 or so and we had been friends for years. She was always very very small, and did karate religiously. She could eat like no one I've ever met before but she worked out so much that she was a size 00.
I remember she was pushing away a stack of unfolded laundry so she could sit on my bed and in doing so she saw a pair of my jeans. I was by no means small and they were probably between sizes 36 or 40. She burst into laughter. Side splitting, can't breathe, turning purple kind of laughter. She absolutely could not contain herself at how "comically large" the pants were. I laughed with her and told her they were my moms (she was and still is morbidly obese) and she just spent awhile longer laughing and gasping for air, while holding the pants up to her or trying to put them on to show that you could fit multiples of her in there.
Ugh.
[Help] The reason why I’m currently trying to fast…
/u/ghostsportclub
Created: Wed Sep 12 08:44:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f8dh1/the_reason_why_im_currently_trying_to_fast/
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So I can take some ~sexy underwear pics~ and send them to my bf (we’ve recently become long distance). Trying to make my stomach not look like I’m pregnant ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
But the reason for my help flair (that isn’t completely ED related soz, remove this post if need be!) - can someone pls help me with poses and how to take sexy pics? I’ve never done this before and probably wouldn’t be if we hadn’t gone LDR aaaaaaaaaa
(Also poses that make me look thin are appreciated bc I would like to look at these and not wanna kms)
So thankful for dreaming.
/u/InversionDink
Created: Wed Sep 12 08:42:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f8d0e/so_thankful_for_dreaming/
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Last night I was having hunger pains while asleep. My sleeping brain turned that into me binging on way to much food in my dream, which resulted to me panicking because I wanted to purge but I couldn't because I was suddenly surrounded by people. Freaking out freaking out, then boom, I'm awake. No binging for me thank FORK. Thank you sleep gods.
[Help] How to deal with guilt of lying to friends
/u/TumericTea [5'4 | 143 | 24.5 | gw1: 120|18F]
Created: Wed Sep 12 08:27:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f88oz/how_to_deal_with_guilt_of_lying_to_friends/
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Yesterday I saw one of the most wonderful people I know, and she saw how bad my ED had gotten and made me promise that I would try to recover and would text her every day telling her what I ate. I promised her that I would try my best to get better, but I totally have no intention of doing that anytime soon. I feel so bad lying to her, I know she only wants the best for me. It makes me so sad, but I know there’s no way in hell I can eat more than 1,000 calories per day MAX right now. How do you guys deal with this problem?
121 hours.
/u/sleeplesschris
Created: Wed Sep 12 08:25:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f882n/121_hours/
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that's how long the fast i just ended was.
i didn't eat the muffin the other day (see: [i bought a muffin](https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ex93b/i_bought_a_muffin/)) and then i just kept going. i broke my fast, technically, with a low-carb monster at 9am this morning but i'm still liquid fasting. i have two dance classes today so i'll probably eat something small for lunch. i'm not sure, though. this i the longest i've ever gone and I almost don't want to stop.
My ex bf just added his old summer biddie and I am livid
/u/HellAbove [5'8"| 143.0 | 21.5 | -20 lbs | F]
Created: Wed Sep 12 08:21:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f86pa/my_ex_bf_just_added_his_old_summer_biddie_and_i/
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Okay so me and my now ex broke up in May after about a year together because he was offered his dream job in Brazil and didn’t want to do long distance for fear of us absolutely hating each other.
Which ya know, understandable but I was/am sad as shit. I have since lost 20 lbs since we split.
Occasionally I like to do a lil Facebook stalking and see how he’s doing and what he’s up to. Then underneath my “friends you should add” list was his summer fling that he was hooking up with before we started dating exclusively. A few months ago they weren’t Facebook friends, and NOW all of sudden they are :-))))) Like I know we are broken up and stuff but that shit still hurts.
Lol and she’s really skinny too :)))) Looks to be at least 125 and about the same height as me. lol wow I am sad, guess I’ll fast
[Rant/Rave] The Desolation of Lilith
/u/lilith2569
Created: Wed Sep 12 07:46:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f7w65/the_desolation_of_lilith/
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Losing weight is hard. There, I said it. I’m hungry literally all the time. And I want it to feel good. I want it to make me feel powerful and like it’s doing my body good. But then I get pretty angry and want to rip off people’s heads and eat them. According to my therapist I’m not allowed to do that. I think it’s bad right now because I’m about to be on my period. I’m bloated and hungry and cranky and feel like I’m failing. I have to stop weighing everyday. It’s hindering my progress. Yesterday I went 215 over my calorie goal and Ana would not stop telling me what a stupid fat ugly bitch I was. So last night was nice. I’m liquid fasting until dinner tonight. It’s 8:46 AM and my stomach is growling. Beauty is pain.
[Help] Help, why did I gain weight?!
/u/thisisathrowawayicry
Created: Wed Sep 12 07:46:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f7w2d/help_why_did_i_gain_weight/
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Hey so I’m freaking out rn so hear me out
I’ve had distorted eating for almost 7 years but recently I’ve gotten a little bad again.
But the thing is I’ve actually been eating. egg for breakfast and chicken breast for supper. Lots of water and Diet Coke. Oh and so much seaweed.
Overall for the last week I’ve been eating 300-500 calories daily
I’ve been losing a pound a day, weirdly enough. Since I’m at such a high bmi I guess it’s to be expected (especially when I used to eat like 3000+ calories DAILY)
Yesterday I ate an egg, 3 diet cokes, a chicken breast, and some water. That’s all. Nothing else.
Today I woke up, went to the bathroom, (had a bm yesterday night), weighed myself, AND I WEIGH OVER TWO POUNDS MORE THAN I DID YESTERDAY. Even though I had 100 calories less than usual!!
Why did this happen? What can I do? I exercise somewhat and I’m wearing my usual weigh in clothes, nothing I’m doing it wearing should mean 2 pounds!!
Any advice/anything??
OOF
/u/peachiefaerie [5'2" | SW: 187lbs | UGW: 100lbs | Female]
Created: Wed Sep 12 07:44:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f7vns/oof/
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My sister asked how often I weighed myself (I lied and said once a week) and she said "okay cause if you weigh yourself too often you might become obsessed with the number and get an eating disorder haha"
whoops too late, sister.
[Tip] What do you do instead of binging?
/u/lilstickbutter
Created: Wed Sep 12 07:04:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f7kaw/what_do_you_do_instead_of_binging/
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Feeling a binge coming on since I’ll be alone this weekend. What do you typically to do avoid binging?
Exercise vs ED
/u/breebunny88
Created: Wed Sep 12 06:51:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f7gq6/exercise_vs_ed/
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Anyone else spend hours in the gym on top of their already busy schedule? I literally live in the gym (love every minute of it) but anxiety sets in if anyone or anything tries to interfere with my routine. I honestly feel like I can’t eat that day if I haven’t hit the gym... I know that is absurd way of thinking but keeping it real. This is how my brain works.
Oh also who else lives in baggy sweaters? I literally try to make my husband’s football team sweaters cute. Why am I obsessed with the oversized clothing look?? —this is so weird 😂
[Rant/Rave] I'll probably binge to death and i'm okay with that.
/u/milovsflo
Created: Wed Sep 12 06:48:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f7fz6/ill_probably_binge_to_death_and_im_okay_with_that/
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I know most of you here restrict so I feel like an outcast, but I don't know where else to post.
I don't eat to live, I live to eat. When I restrict or even eat normally, it's hell and I feel physically sick, like an addict trying not to use drugs. I can restrict for days even, but that doesn't stop me from thinking about food. I'm constantly waiting to stuff my face until I feel sick. And yes partly I do it to fill a void, but really I love food, I'm addicted to it. Food is the only thing that I have left. I want to binge and purge until I die, which I know it'll kill me before I'm old. And I'm okay with that, honestly. I kinda don't want to live anymore, so it's a win win.
[Rant/Rave] obese friend: "wow that's a lot of calories!"
/u/styroprincess [f 🏩 5'3½ 115 20.0]
Created: Wed Sep 12 06:29:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f7apm/obese_friend_wow_thats_a_lot_of_calories/
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ok so this all started over lunch yesterday. i packed maybe 400cal worth of planned chinese leftovers (mostly rice/eggroll) and i've been hard restricting for a while. that was the only thing i had yesterday besides 2 apples and sugar free jello and i treated it like my cheat day.
however, at lunch my very round friend decided to let me know she thought my pickles smelled disgusting. i'm looking at her like, obviously you don't like low calorie foods? every time i bring something like seaweed or kimchi she crinkles her nose because she literally lives on carbs and Starbucks frapps. all i did was tell her i liked them. then she exclaims, "oh my god! i just realized you're eating today. wow! that's a lot of calories!" referencing my meal. i was just so taken aback by her offhanded comment and i was like "haha yeah it is," even though i knew i ate less than her every single day.
she's the type that goes out to eat and posts all the food on Snapchat and she straight up *lies* to me about how much she eats in a day. ever since i became a little bit open about my ed to her after she pried, she suddenly has been trying to diet/lose/fast. she is terrible at it but i'm not going to invalidate her so i take her seriously. it just bothers me so much because if anyone would know the calories it's me. she knows i count perfectly too.
she says to me, "i haven't had anything AAALLL day," when i just saw her eat cheetos. then she texts me over the span of 5 hours in the evening, talking about how she just *cant* eat and when she restricted that one time and what she thinks about my food/weight.
i felt so fat when she was just sitting there not eating while i was eating most of my alloted intake for the day. even if it was 550. even if i lost another POUND of water weight this morning. i watched mukbangs all night trying not to binge because of her comments on what i was eating. 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
[u get the gist...](http://imgur.com/EeyuE3P)
[Discussion] DAE look for meal prep videos but then see that meals are too high in calories and then NOT make it?
/u/gauntlyghost [5'5 | Fatty | BMI 19ish | Peach: GauntlyGhost]
Created: Wed Sep 12 06:18:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f785l/dae_look_for_meal_prep_videos_but_then_see_that/
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I honestly wish there was something like a 800 calorie meal prep.
I now just watch these videos for ideas, but it's still pretty shit that most even 'weight loss' meal preps are too high in calories.
[Discussion] Podcasts for distraction?
/u/damnitjanet6 [5"5'| BMI 25 | -45.7lbs| 🍑 damnitjanet6 | 20F]
Created: Wed Sep 12 06:11:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f76ja/podcasts_for_distraction/
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Does anyone else use podcasts for distraction from ED problems? I'm listening to one of the grosser episodes of Sawbones right now to put me off my food cravings, I love Night Vale and the Adventure Zone for distraction from hunger or to listen to while running, and I like Pappy's various podcasts as well for trying to cheer myself up lol. Anyone else use podcasts to keep their minds off food? Any recommendations?
Daily Food Diary! September 12, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Sep 12 06:11:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f76g1/daily_food_diary_september_12_2018/
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This is a daily food diary thread for September 12, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday September 12, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Sep 12 06:11:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f76fj/way_to_go_wednesday_september_12_2018/
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This is the weekly achievement thread for September 12, 2018.
This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!
*****
Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Rant/Rave] God bless weight watchers soup!!!
/u/audreyhepburnwho [no binge September.]
Created: Wed Sep 12 06:03:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f74f5/god_bless_weight_watchers_soup/
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Yaaaassssss! I don't live in the us so i was super surprised to see a WW product in a supermarket near my house. It's asian chicken soup, 87 calories per can. It's the PERFECT thing to bring to work for lunch. I usually prefer to do OMAD and eat it later in the day, but I need something to eat in front of my colleagues, so I like having something very light so I can still save my calories for later in the day. This is absolutely PERFECT, it's so convenient and easy, it tastes really good and it's actually pretty filling and a good way to get some electrolytes. And it actually looks like a regular soup so as long as I hide the actual can from my co-workers they wouldn't be able to tell that it's such a low calorie food. Yaaaay!
What do you do instead of binging?
/u/lilstickbutter
Created: Wed Sep 12 05:46:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f7078/what_do_you_do_instead_of_binging/
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Looking for advice on what works for you.
[Discussion] what would be your dream, no consequences meal?
/u/sleepyboyblue [5'5 | CW 110 | GW 100 | M]
Created: Wed Sep 12 05:43:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f6zey/what_would_be_your_dream_no_consequences_meal/
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if you could eat anything you wanted without having to worry about calories/cost, what would it be? (i love thinking of this stuff when i'm restricting hahaa)
[Help] hair growth while restricting?
/u/hunterxgreen [5'4'' | CW: 162 | GW: bones | F]
Created: Wed Sep 12 05:37:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f6y0b/hair_growth_while_restricting/
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i know restricting affects some people’s hair quality, but does it slow growth too? i personally haven’t noticed my hair get dryer or anything but i’ve always had it pretty long. this is the first time i’m trying to grow it out from a short cut. will restricting significantly slow down the growth? i don’t want to give restricting but i also want it to grow. i’m taking all the recommended supplements and watch my protein and iron. in the past my hair seemed to keep growing while i was restricting but it was longer so i wasn’t really trying to notice growth.
[Rant/Rave] A small rant
/u/Throwaway-hideaway
Created: Wed Sep 12 05:11:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f6rry/a_small_rant/
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Hi everyone! Long time lurker, first time poster on a throwaway account here! So, I’m from the UK and it was the first day of college. Over the summer holidays, I’ve managed to lose 5kg and that might not sound like a lot but I’m 5’2” so the difference is quite noticeable sometimes. I was so happy; I’ve managed to fit into a pair of jeans that I couldn’t fit into before etc. But when I started college today and saw all of my friends, no one commented on how I look smaller or anything! Sure of course, people shouldn’t comment on someone’s weight but I can’t help but think that I still look as fat as I was when they last saw me and it just makes me want to lose even more! I’m already a couple kilos under my goal weight too but now I feel like I should lose a couple more. Ugh.
How to cope on a trip with friends?
/u/i_love_junk_food [5'1" | HW 72kg | CW 61.7kg | LW 51kg | GW1 55kg | GW2 48kg | F]
Created: Wed Sep 12 02:24:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f5w20/how_to_cope_on_a_trip_with_friends/
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Nobody knows about my restricting/IF but I am going away to a different country this weekend with 40 people I know. Some of them are good friends and 3 of them are very close friends of mine who know nothing about my eating patterns.
We will be at a salsa festival so we are expected to attend back to back workshops and eat meals that are provided to us. Luckily only breakfasts and lunches are provided so we’re expected to fend for ourselves beyond those meals. On the other hand I can easily binge on crisps, chocolate and snacks which I know my friends will gorge themselves on when we’re hanging out. The friend who I’ll be sharing a bed with is a bit older than us and quite healthy and wouldn’t bother with snacks like that so I’m thinking I can stick with her. However, she and I have had dessert dates in the past (where it’s been my omad) so she’ll still be up for food if it’s good. If I were to look up local specialities etc which sound tempting I could say I’m saving myself for those things and my friends would believe me as they know me as somebody who knows a lot about food (obviously).
I can also say I don’t eat breakfast etc and that will work too. Anybody else got any suggestions on how to cope in these situations? Basically it’s a short holiday with a ton of people I know 🙄.
A molecule produced during fasting or calorie restriction has anti-aging effects on the vascular system, which could reduce the occurrence and severity of human diseases related to blood vessels, has been discovered by scientists in a new murine model study.
/u/Hielier [175,5cm | GW1: 59kg | GW2: 54kg | UGW: 49kg]
Created: Wed Sep 12 01:52:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f5qm0/a_molecule_produced_during_fasting_or_calorie/
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https://news.gsu.edu/2018/09/10/researchers-identify-molecule-with-anti-aging-effects-on-vascular-system-study-finds/
[Discussion] Anyone else feel like their ED doesn't "count" sometimes?
/u/Toamatoperson
Created: Wed Sep 12 01:38:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f5o8p/anyone_else_feel_like_their_ed_doesnt_count/
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I've been restricting for a long time, have tons of disorded thoughts and struggle with BDD, but I can't make myself sick and I don't over-exercise. I feel it's easier to just not eat at all instead of exercising a lot. Sometimes this makes me feel like my problems aren't.. real? Or serious enough to even call it a problem. Anyone experience anything similar?
[Help] Does anyone ever get this feeling?
/u/Lionheart78239
Created: Wed Sep 12 01:22:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f5l7h/does_anyone_ever_get_this_feeling/
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I keep getting these weird headaches and my eyes would lose focus. Kind of feels like they relax and start to roll up, my heart beat feels weird. Like it flutters or the weird headache sensation spreads to my heart. I don’t know what’s happening. This has happened before, but it’s more bothersome now and happening more frequently tonight.
Was so proud of feeling "recovered..."
/u/life-as-a-loon [5'3" | 109.7 | 19.97 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 12 01:15:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f5k1k/was_so_proud_of_feeling_recovered/
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Until I decided to watch the movie Seven for the first time and when they did the autopsy in the beginning I went and purged. I was definitely boredom eating all day too so it felt super relieving. Intrusive thoughts have been creeping in so much recently and they've been getting harder and harder to ignore but that scene just got me like I immediately hit pause and went and purged. I'm really hoping this "episode" doesn't send me into a downward spiral. My inner monologue has just been so fucked up lately and now that summer's over I'm not working 60 hours a week so I actually have to like spend time with myself and my thoughts which is never good....Idk just needed to get that off my chest.
[Help] Hi. I can’t seem to stop eating, and the binge/purge cycle is killing me. Is there anything I can do to annihilate my appetite?
/u/Emanuel179
Created: Wed Sep 12 01:07:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f5iic/hi_i_cant_seem_to_stop_eating_and_the_bingepurge/
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Hi, I’m new to this sub and if this post really breaks the rules I’ll get rid of it, but I just had another binge / purge last night , (another night of 2-3 hours sleep eek) and need to stop. My productivity has been decimated as I just feel so drained from the constant fasting / binging. I eat clean but I eat BIG. I will not stop at 2000 calories oh nonono. I could eat my weekly calorie allowance in salads if I wanted to, my stomach knows no bounds... I’ve tried all forms of fasting, Keto, carnivore etc etc... i overeat on all diets...
I wanna know what can kill an insatiable appetite - and not the usual ‘’eat more protein’’, ‘’brush your teeth’’ or ‘’drink lots of water’’ please ... :/ Because if it’s a softcore tip I’m either I’m already doing it, doing that wrong or it doesn’t work for me. I’m willing to take whatever substances I need if you tell me they work. Thanks.
[Rant/Rave] I ate a normal amount of dinner after not eating for two days
/u/speedayyyy
Created: Wed Sep 12 00:54:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f5fiu/i_ate_a_normal_amount_of_dinner_after_not_eating/
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I’m still extremely full after 7 hours and I haven’t purged it so I guess that’s good. I made dinner,
Macaroni salad and Rotisserie chicken which are my favorites. I ate very slowly but I feel like I should’ve ate less. I’ve been stuck at the same weight for the last two weeks, despite 45 pounds lost in total. It’s driving me crazy because 10 pounds until my officially a healthy weight for my BMI which is a start. I went grocery shopping the other day and got two different types of diet soda plus a buttload of zero calorie Powerade (which I tried for the first time the other day and it’s so awesome!). Currently still guilty. Feeling extra gross due to bloating. Wish I could just be normal I guess and be happy about my progress but it just never feels like enough. Meh.
I have stretch marks and loose skin and I was never even overweight :)
/u/dirrkdigglerr
Created: Wed Sep 12 00:08:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f5781/i_have_stretch_marks_and_loose_skin_and_i_was/
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Hey y’all, so I’m kind of freaking out. I’m looking at my inner thighs and there’s some loose skin that looks hella gross. It’s like all these deep lines that are literally indented in. I’m 20f and 5ft6 and started at 138lbs and am now 126lbs. I didn’t even lose that much and am still young and already my inner thighs looks like this? I’m pear shaped so my legs are where I hold most of my weight - I guess my legs were/are so big my body is fucked forever. Does this loose skin ever go away or am I destined to have this even worse when I lose more weight. I just don’t get how this is happening when I’m only 20 and am keeping well hydrated + moisturized
[Discussion] This guy tries different diets for a week to see how much weight you can lose he also funny
/u/gothicapples
Created: Tue Sep 11 23:38:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f51hu/this_guy_tries_different_diets_for_a_week_to_see/
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https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6QoIzC-fxLA
They are all called “a week on”
Even proved you could lose weight eating McDonald’s everyday just by following low calories
[Discussion] DAE feel so fucking alone
/u/qqknv
Created: Tue Sep 11 23:09:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f4vq8/dae_feel_so_fucking_alone/
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title. it's so hard. i'm so fat and exhausted. today i was sitting in the library doing homework and then suddenly my brain starts screaming LOOK AT THAT PERSON AT THAT TABLE OVER THERE THEY'RE JUDGING YOU FOR BEING F A T and then i left because i couldn't focus with all those thoughts swirling in my head. it's so hard and i feel like i can't talk about any of this to anyone. it's so damn hard and i'm tired and fat. was just curious how other people dealt with feeling like this. thanks for reading.
[Other] if i can’t be skinny i’d rather just die
/u/sylas69 [5’4 | 118 lbs | 20.25 | f]
Created: Tue Sep 11 23:08:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f4vhs/if_i_cant_be_skinny_id_rather_just_die/
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Encouraging and motivational way to deficit cals! :')
/u/li_hu_sh [5'3 | CW:115 | 20.9 |-5| Female]
Created: Tue Sep 11 23:08:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f4vh8/encouraging_and_motivational_way_to_deficit_cals/
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https://i.redd.it/hj7hvlfzpql11.jpg
Moving in with boyfriend's mom who is a food pusher
/u/babybreathheart
Created: Tue Sep 11 23:04:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f4ul0/moving_in_with_boyfriends_mom_who_is_a_food_pusher/
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My boyfriend's mother is the sweetest lady ever, however she is definitely a food pusher. She loves everyone and one of her ways of showing love is to cook for people. A lot of times she will make me food and then I feel like I must accept and it's usually deep fried or something not so healthy. I really want to stay on top of my fitness goals while living with her but I know she's going to try to make me high calorie dinners and offer me food all the time. Any tips on how to deal with this?
[Discussion] DAE watch those korean mukbang binge eating videos?
/u/pm-me-kitty-pics [18F | 5'5" | SW: 181.6 | CW: 170 | GW: 150 | UGW: 135]
Created: Tue Sep 11 22:44:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f4qbh/dae_watch_those_korean_mukbang_binge_eating_videos/
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i always thought they would make me want to binge but instead i just watch them with like... a morbid fascination. they’re high key addictive lmao
Had a mental breakdown at work today.
/u/SkinnyisSexy [5'7.6 |128.4|gw115|19.6| F]
Created: Tue Sep 11 22:35:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f4ohw/had_a_mental_breakdown_at_work_today/
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Backstory: I'm a hairdresser. I had an extremely unreasonable client today at work, I kept cool and calm until she left then proceeded to go to the back and cry. I was physically shaking, nauseous, couldn't breath. I just wanted to die. I had to turn down a walk in and go home because i couldn't keep my shit together. What's even better (as if i didn't already feel like a failure) i went home and binged. Chips and guac, asparagus and hummus (now at this point i felt sick) so i make a halo top, peanut butter, and almond milk shake. I chugged it then purged for the first time in two god damn years. I couldn't even purge it all, just the shake. All I've done is cry. I lost 18 lbs and I probably gained back 3 or 4. I don't know what to do. All of my coworkers saw me break down, then I went home and ruined the only thing i was controlling. Fuck.
[Rant/Rave] Anyone notice “fake recovery”?
/u/NotStephany [5'5| 193 | 32.49 | -101lbs | F]
Created: Tue Sep 11 22:27:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f4mmf/anyone_notice_fake_recovery/
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Before i get into what i want to say, i’m not writing about why recovery is wrong because it’s not. it’s something we should all strive for.
however, i’ve kind of noticed that sometimes when i see pages of (not exclusively but often) women who are into weight lifting or veganism , claim that they’ve fully recovered by adopting these lifestyles. Once again there’s nothing wrong with that. being able to get outside of your own ED brain to start doing things you enjoy like working out or eating is a gift and i’m sure it’s helped both women and men across the board.
*But here’s the problem I have* I’ve noticed that sometimes people think those things are recovery and they are not. Maybe they stop starving themselves but they spend **hours**. in the gym. Or they’ll eat a vegan diet full of fruits and veggies and to the untrained eye it looks like a lot of food but for those of *us* that *know our calories* , that bowl of fruits and veggies might only add up to 300cals. The problem is, you’re not really recovered when you do that, your just switching behaviors. So instead of obsessing about intake calories, you obsesses about getting x minutes on the tread mill or running x miles a day.
My point is i don’t know, i know every bodies recovery is different but it just makes me mad when people do this. This all got started because i was on the instagram search page and i saw a post about a girl who recovered from her eating disorder and she talked about how much she changed (which i’m sure she did) but then she included her work out routine that runs over the course of 4 hours /2x a day. That’s ridiculous. And maybe i’m wrong maybe that is recovery for someone but I feel like..... this is not it.
Do you guy know what i mean? thoughts?
[Help] How to keep a flat stomach throughout the day
/u/lilmdjd [5'3 | CW: 135 | LW: 95 | GW 115 | 23F]
Created: Tue Sep 11 22:18:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f4kp9/how_to_keep_a_flat_stomach_throughout_the_day/
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So I’m seeing my kind of bf tomorrow night after him being gone for 3 weeks and I’ve lost a little weight and been working out a lot so I feel kinda good about it. BUT I probably won’t see him until pretty late bc I work all day, and I usually eat an OMAD dinner. I want my stomach to stay cute and toned and my hips to peak through a little like they do in the morning but I feel so pushy at the end of the day. Idk how to avoid this, maybe smaller more spread out meals? But what about water, doesn’t that make you bloated too? And I don’t wanna avoid that. I don’t think I can fast bc ive been heavy restricting and honestly might faint if I do.
Tldr; how to keep my stomach flat throughout the day so I’m cute for my bf tomorrow night?
Starting working out again tomorrow after a long time
/u/caithaa [5'7 | 125 | 19.56 | 21F 🌼]
Created: Tue Sep 11 22:07:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f4i38/starting_working_out_again_tomorrow_after_a_long/
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I've been avoiding the gym mainly because I'm honestly not sure if I look fine in my old gym clothes, also because I'm so scared of how much I've let myself go. Like can I still run a 5k or has my binge-eating and hiding in bed for the entire summer ruined me? Ugh, I just don't know, but I'm done hiding and hating myself more and more each morning I wake up. I'm literally a 10 minute walk from my gym, I need to start being a grown ass woman and take some responsibility for how I feel about myself and how I'm not doing anything to fix it. I'm getting up early, dragging myself to the gym whether I hate it or love it, and then cleaning my apartment. I'm going to promise myself to go to the gym everyday at least for the next 7 days, like a buzzfeed challenge or something. If I stop on the 8th day I stop, but I'm not allowed to stop for the next 7 days. Even if it's a 15 minute ab workout. This post is to keep me accountable and also to let anyone out there who's also had a shit summer that we can do this!!!
[Discussion] DAE get a type of “high” seeing their friends/family eat more than them?
/u/ihate-chicken
Created: Tue Sep 11 21:38:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f4b31/dae_get_a_type_of_high_seeing_their_friendsfamily/
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It’s like a fucked up game.
I’m in college and LOVE seeing my friends eat more than me at lunch and dinner. I love love love when they get fatty foods and I just eat my little salad. It’s like a twisted game. I even encourage them to get more food or to eat dessert.
Why am I like this? And why does it feel so good?
[Rant/Rave] DAE get abnormally pissed off when other people you know talk about losing weight in an unhealthy way?
/u/theposhest
Created: Tue Sep 11 21:34:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f4aa1/dae_get_abnormally_pissed_off_when_other_people/
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This woman at work feels the need to tell me that she’s been keeping her calories under 800 a day to lose weight. And she is like a married accountant (a normie). And so almost every day at lunch, she complains about her shitty 200-300 lunch she brought (and I’m like having a Publix sandwich falling out of my mouth listening to her with a Diet Coke in my left hand). Or she’ll be like “I have such a hard time on the treadmill when I get off work”. And its like fucking duh you’re operating on the caloric equivalent of a handful of almonds.
I was bulimic (am not anymore ... like I don’t puke 3-6 times a day, but am like 1-3 times a month now) either way I look normal (ie overweight). I don’t talk to this bitch about disordered eating. I don’t know why she shares her dieting and whines about her dieting with me. Ugh I just hear her popcorn popping in the microwave down the hall. And I can smell it too. I know that’s all she’s eating. And it just sends me in a rage. Like I feel my heart rate speed up.
What do I fucking even say to her? On one hand, it’s like - “nooooo, that’s starvation mode and unhealthy lol.” And then another part of me wants to be like - “why stop at 800, just don’t eat anything at work and that way when you go home to your husband and kid, you have more wiggle room with the calories. And then you can lose even more weight!”. Like should I be the voice of reason? Or egg her on to go even lower in her calories just to see if she’ll do it?!
And then the OTHER part of me is starting to compare my eating habits with hers. And its just like - if you’re going to eat under 800 cals, i just feel like you should do that in secret. And not try to carry on a conversation with the slightly overweight ex-bulimic about your disordered eating you’re masquerading as a “healthy diet.”
I don’t know if this matters but she’s like mid-40s and I’m mid-30s. I talk about exercise a lot with her but I’ve never mentioned my ED or going to therapy or treatment with her. I’m old enough where I feel like I’m not gonna go full bulimia but when she talks about this shit with me I don’t know how to respond. And a big part of me is annoyed that I’m not currently on a fast and like out dieting her. Idk its just pissing me off. And when I see her lose weight I’m just a huge bitter bitch and I hope she gains it all back and then some.
Being sick after not eating enough?
/u/brgr77 [Height | CW | BMI | Weight Lost | Gender]
Created: Tue Sep 11 21:31:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f49iq/being_sick_after_not_eating_enough/
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I’ve gone more hours of eating less than this before but this hasn’t ever happened? I had a berry/spinach/pineapple juice smoothie around noon, one fun size airhead around 5 pm, and have been drinking a Diet Coke throughout the evening. I’ve felt mostly fine except for a headache (I never drink enough water) but while I was going to the bathroom a few minutes ago a huge wave a nausea hit me out of nowhere and I was sick. I didn’t know you could get nauseous/throw up due to not eating? Does this happen to anyone else?
[Help] How do you guys get over the guilt of upping calories ???
/u/narkreturn
Created: Tue Sep 11 21:16:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f4625/how_do_you_guys_get_over_the_guilt_of_upping/
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I’ve been suffering through a constant binge and restrict cycle in which I restrict too much one day which causes me to binge. I’ve decided to up my calories to 800-1200 but aiming to hit 1000 calories as a way to stop binging. So far I haven’t binged but my brain thinks 1200 is too much and I won’t lose any weight. I had 1215 calories yesterday and feel guilty and am thinking about how I should eat around 700 calories instead. How do you guys get over the guilt of eating more??
[Other] DAE love the feeling of having a lot of caffeine without food?
/u/staticphat [Height: 5'3 | CW: Jabba the Hutt | GW: Bikini Leia]
Created: Tue Sep 11 21:04:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f431v/dae_love_the_feeling_of_having_a_lot_of_caffeine/
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It’s kind of like a high to me...I feel so energetic but not fat and it makes me feel like I’m losing weight. I feel like it might kill me though.
[Other] I overate today
/u/staticphat [Height: 5'3 | CW: Jabba the Hutt | GW: Bikini Leia]
Created: Tue Sep 11 21:03:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f42qr/i_overate_today/
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This is my third day binge free....sorta. I’m trying not to call today a binge bc I didn’t binge eat I just overate because I felt really hungry but I still feel the guilt and uncomfortable fullness.
I had noodles, chocolate covered frozen banana slices, bread and pate, a Kind bar, a bagel, and three lemon Fiber One bars. I kinda hate myself right now.
Also how many Fiber One bars can you eat in a day I’m asking for a friend.
It just never ends
/u/AndyRectum [5'11" | CW 119 lbs | 25M]
Created: Tue Sep 11 21:01:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f4264/it_just_never_ends/
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I knew. I knew when I went against my better judgement by buying the three pints of Halo Top on Sunday. I never buy things I like this. I thought that I could somehow now magically have the willpower to only eat half a pint (but budget for the whole pint, knowing that is what I would totally do). Last night started off with a half pint of the Oatmeal Cookie. Delicious. Satisfied, but then then slowly meandered back into the kitchen to eat the rest.Well, this morning I thought, "I am all scheduled for what I will eat today, so that I can eat a whole pint of the S'mores and still have 300 cals leftover." I knew for a fact that I was going to eat both pints. Cut to eating 640 calories in 20 mins and not enjoying a single bite. What's fucked is that with how much I am on my feet at work and how much I fidget throughout the day and log and plan everything I eat - I may very well have still come within my calorie limit, but I still feel like a failure and am fully prepared to have a shitty day tomorrow and be terrified for what I know I can't control that will end up happening nevertheless. At least the fucking ice cream is gone.
[Discussion] Anyone else watch anorexia stories on youtube?
/u/BasketCase0218 [5’7 | CW: 182.9 | BMI: 28.65 | WL: 0 | Female]
Created: Tue Sep 11 20:54:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f40i6/anyone_else_watch_anorexia_stories_on_youtube/
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Like seeing girls get down to their lowest and seeing their bones in their pics, 😩 Like why can’t that be me? Im obsessed.
[Discussion] dae feel kind of like a child?
/u/orkestrels
Created: Tue Sep 11 20:52:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f403c/dae_feel_kind_of_like_a_child/
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i was thinking about how i tend to order off the kids menu at restaurants and stuff like that a lot and wondered if anyone was the same? after thinking about it some more,
my friend joked that i was having the grownup version of a kid’s lunch because i had the cauliflower version of tater tots, and some vegan chicken tenders lol. thinking it over,i realized that, in general, a lot of my meals are kind of “childish”— apple sauce, uncrustables, fruits cut up into cute shapes, things like that. i even grab snacks from the baby section of shops, lol, and chug pedialyte whenever possible.
my habits are kind of like a child’s too – i don’t like certain foods to touch or i mix everything together in a gross mixture and feel real proud of the mush that results (soups mostly lol). of course, this might be just having an eating disorder in general - for me, i guess, it’s about returning to a feeling of safety and comfort. it’s funny because i think a lot of what i eat now is kind of processed, but i ate a lot of home-cooked stuff as a kid. it’s like i’m trying to live out a different childhood. dae have a similar experience?
why can't I just let myself have nice things
/u/smallpaint [6'2" | god help me | M]
Created: Tue Sep 11 20:40:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f3wy7/why_cant_i_just_let_myself_have_nice_things/
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this guy I've been talking to for months finally hooked up with me, and after a few hours of debate I ended up binging. apparently I can't just accept that sometimes nice things happen to me even though I'm not at a 19 BMI anymore.
​
I forgot what it's like to be doing good diet-wise and suddenly slam into a wall -- does anyone have advice?
[Rant/Rave] didn’t get the job. 3 months and two intense interviews later.
/u/guava_pastille [5'8" | CW 157 | GW 120 | BMI 24 | Lost 47.2 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Sep 11 20:34:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f3vlv/didnt_get_the_job_3_months_and_two_intense/
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Just ate an XL bowl of chocolate muesli with milk. Threw up that and part of dinner. The eating and spacing out feeling helped me. I need my ED to feel comforted. I didn’t want my husband to touch me. Just feel rejected by humans. Think there is something fundamentally wrong with me. What’s hilarious is since losing almost 50 lbs I’ve been rejected for 3 jobs. So, obviously EDs don’t get you want you want in the real world, but in the inner psychic world they give me comfort, a sense of feeling nurtured, temporarily. Purging feels better than crying.
Binging as Self Harm
/u/booberryapocalypse [5'6 | 145 | 23.4| -10lbs | Female]
Created: Tue Sep 11 20:33:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f3ve4/binging_as_self_harm/
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So tonight I fucked up big, in a social faux pas way, it doesn't really matter what I did except that it was one of those moments where you freeze up and are mortified and would rather be shot in the head than live another second in that situation. A terrible case of "I didn't mean it that way but oh god everyone took it that way and people's real opinions of who I am have shifted dramatically and for the worse". I came home feeling terrible, like shit.
Recently I've been channeling my binges really well. Thoughts that used to help me included, "It's just easier to not binge, because getting the food requires effort", "fasting is actually a healthier state for your body", and similar stuff, which I DO recommend, these thoughts at the right time are lifesavers!!! But when I got home there was nothing but hate in my head. I binged through (TW binge food list):
1 omelette
3 Sweet Potatoes
1/2 chocolate bar
1/2 cup of nuts
Jar of salsa
3 bowls of strawberries
1 bowl thai soup
1 avocado
All totaling 2090 kcal PLUS my day of 1000kcal equally 3090 calories which destroys me inside. I want to fast for a day, a month, a year. I'm being overly dramatic, but this feels like it's killing me. Nothing was fixed, I'm just full and disgusted on top of being embarrassed and full of self-loathing. I feel like I deserve to feel this way. Ugh sorry for the negativity. One day I'll have something positive to post here hahaha
is anyone else here MTF??
/u/clifbarlegend
Created: Tue Sep 11 20:30:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f3uh6/is_anyone_else_here_mtf/
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i stopped taking hormones because i kind of felt like it was pointless and also i was holding onto weight i think?? at least i convinced myself i was
but i was on hormones for a year and had absolutely no breast growth at all and i’m pretty sure it’s because i was losing so much weight and maintaining a low weight :( i don’t even want big boobs i just want enough that i can wear a t shirt and you can still tell there’s something there
Paranoid about college food people (update)
/u/fxuk
Created: Tue Sep 11 20:25:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f3tdu/paranoid_about_college_food_people_update/
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Hey guys, a couple days ago I made this post: https://www.reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bxng6/paranoid_about_college_dining_hall_workers/?st=JLYIUSL5&sh=121dcbfb AND GUESS WHAT? Today one of the ladies said: “Hey, didn’t see you this morning!” So my hypothesis was correct. They do remember people. Fml
[Rant/Rave] i wish people knew how much i trust and like them if i eat around them/eat food they make for me
/u/itsyaboifranzi [5'0| 105.6 lbs | 20.6 | ~20 lbs | F]
Created: Tue Sep 11 20:23:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f3sti/i_wish_people_knew_how_much_i_trust_and_like_them/
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it's just so hard to do, i wish i could say something about it without making people force me into actual recovery
lol im so pathetic
Appetite vs ED
/u/breebunny88
Created: Tue Sep 11 20:18:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f3ri5/appetite_vs_ed/
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Has anyone lost their appetite because of restricting so much/ excessive exercise? I rarely feel hungry anymore... any advice is helpful. Thanks babes
Xxx
[Discussion] Doing my first 24 hour liquid fast tomorrow. What have been your results from one? How was your first one?
/u/-Zed_Leppelin-
Created: Tue Sep 11 20:13:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f3qaj/doing_my_first_24_hour_liquid_fast_tomorrow_what/
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I keep hovering around the same weight and I'm getting pretty annoyed with it. Trying a fast to see if I can get past it.
So far I plan on having - coffee, bone broth, green tea, Crystal Light, water and maybe a bouillon cube and a Monster Ultra White if I'm bored later in the day and need something else.
If I stay busy, I feel like I'll be able to do it. Kind of nervous since I work at an office and I'm afraid I'll get bored with it and want to snack.
How has it gone for any of you?
Thanks in advance. 🖤
Nausea during low restriction??
/u/alovelytime
Created: Tue Sep 11 20:11:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f3psr/nausea_during_low_restriction/
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Honestly have no idea how many calories I've been consuming but the past month I have fallen back into severe manic depression and I can't find the will to eat much anymore. The past couple weeks i've been waking up with intense nausea and I'm almost 100% it's related to the lack of eating. Does anyone have any experience with this? I actually involuntarily threw up some coffee this morning while brushing my teeth due to how nauseous I was. Is their anyway to lessen the nausea?
[Rant/Rave] planning my "binge" like...
/u/lightningmcqueef69 [5'5" | 118 | 19.6 | 18 | enby ]
Created: Tue Sep 11 20:09:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f3p8e/planning_my_binge_like/
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2 posts in one day, sorry
so i'm planning to fast until Sunday (7 days total) and decided i'd plan what food i eat so i have at least a little control. just for shits & giggles, i decided to add up the calories of every individual thing i've been craving- totals at 4720. the fucked- yet also mildly comforting thing- is i could fucking eat all of it and still net at an average of 675cals per day. but i'd honestly rather get it out of the way all at once. i'm trying to find alternatives for the things i want that will be filling and satisfying, and failing.
btw here's exactly what i want, with calorie counts lmao
whataburger:
honey butter chicken biscuit (560)
biscuit and gravy (470)
cinnamon roll (430)
taco bell:
chicken quesadilla (510)
steak quesadilla (510)
jack in the box:
bacon & swiss buttery jack (890)
small curly fry (280)
mcdonalds:
bacon egg and cheese mcgriddle (420)
hash brown (150)
2 reese's cups (220)
ben & jerry's chocolate chip cookie dough mini-pint (280)
i'm tempted to go ahead and just get it all even though it'll end up over $30 in one fucking day, even though i know i won't be able to finish it and i'll just feel like shit. i should just fast until my goal weight, rip.
How do you do the thing at the side of your name where it says your CW and HW and stuff?
/u/desertfractal
Created: Tue Sep 11 19:59:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f3mfs/how_do_you_do_the_thing_at_the_side_of_your_name/
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You know the stuff in blue? I'm kind of new to reddit and I'm just curious how I put my current weight and goal weight and stuff by my name haha
[Discussion] DAE ED feel like a person inside their head
/u/NeutralSmithHotel [6'1.4| CW: 185 | 24.1| WL: -185 | M]
Created: Tue Sep 11 19:58:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f3m59/dae_ed_feel_like_a_person_inside_their_head/
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Mine has been kind of in the background for the last year, but this last month it just keeps getting stronger. I keep waking up with the plan of stopping... of upping my calories from 900 to 1800 (which is still at least 1000 calories below maintenance for me). But then I don't. Not only do I not stop, but I stay at 900 and add a 4-5 mile run to more normal workout.
It feels like me and this mother fucker that just keeps preventing me from working or doing anything but losing... I'm happy that I'm thinner,but it's getting way hard to stop. Treatment starts Monday... I think it's time. I'm not even underweight, but I can feel that if I don't stop soon this shit is gonna get out of control.
​
TD:DL--> My ED is raging hard and I'm ready to try to stop.
[Rant/Rave] Walked 10 miles, wasn’t hungry, still binged..
/u/ProbablyNeedGlasses
Created: Tue Sep 11 19:49:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f3ju5/walked_10_miles_wasnt_hungry_still_binged/
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I’m on a work trip and ended up walking 10 miles today for various reasons. I’m super tired, but got home and want actually hungry. Yet somehow I still managed to binge on almonds and protein bars. I reasoned with myself, saying “you’ll feel like shit for work tomorrow if you don’t have nutrients” and telling myself “get all the protein!!”
But now I’m just so embarrassed that I probably went way above my maintenance and I’m totally freaking out. I just got a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I’ve never felt worse about my appearance.
[Tip] What are your best restriction / binge prevention tips?
/u/BEDBulimic [153cm | CW: 55.8 | GW1: 55 | -8.2 | 20F]
Created: Tue Sep 11 19:42:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f3hwy/what_are_your_best_restriction_binge_prevention/
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So far what’s worked for me:
- Caffeine and bubbles obv. Ya girl lives on Coke Zero.
- fasting as long as I can in the morning but having safe foods at standby. Yes it can be tempting to just eat the safe foods now, but are you actually hungry or emotional or bored? Also I know that for me,once I start eating, my stomach “turns on” and I’ll feel like eating every few hours after.
- artificial sweeteners because I have a major sweet tooth. Also pickles kill my sweet cravings sometimes.
- if I know a binge is coming soon, I drink a ton of water then go “preventative damage control” shopping. I buy single serves of protein bars that replicate desserts etc, while I’m still semi-lucid before my lizard binge brain takes over.
- post binge: chuck out all ya leftover binge foods. I don’t care if it’s a waste of money, if you eat it now to “prevent a binge later” you will regret it. You already know this. If you have to, douse your food with detergent so you won’t eat outta the trash like a trash bandicoot.
What are y’all tips?
High volume vs Low volume foods?
/u/BEDBulimic [153cm | CW: 55.8 | GW1: 55 | -8.2 | 20F]
Created: Tue Sep 11 19:25:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f3dcc/high_volume_vs_low_volume_foods/
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I’m so conflicted... what are y’all preferences for eating high volume vs low volume foods for the same number of calories?
My thoughts;
High volume low cal foods
- ✔️ very filling initially, somewhat helps prevent binges
- ❌ i hate feeling bloated afterwards, sometimes triggers purging, scared of checking my weight although it’s literally the weight of the food...
- ❌ i tend to get hungry soon after though, since high volume low cal means I don’t eat much protein / fats
Low volume ie. denser foods
- ✔️ not as scary seeing the scales
- ✔️ Intermittent fasting / OMAD seems more attainable
- ❌ hit or miss regarding satiety... upping fats/protein sometimes keeps me fuller, but sometimes i still feel snacky and overdo it... so it just becomes a calorie heavy binge
I C/S in front of family and they don't care
/u/HimawariHyuuga [5'1| CW 90lbs | F]
Created: Tue Sep 11 19:23:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f3csg/i_cs_in_front_of_family_and_they_dont_care/
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I rewarded myself with some pumpkin seeds after getting top score on a test at school. I ate them while watching football with my brothers and cousins, and after a while I started chewing/spitting them out of habit. My cousin noticed and pointed it out, but my brother just waved it away and said 'she does that a lot, that's why she's skinny.'
It's nice that they didn't make it weird or uncomfortable, but I guess it's not a good thing either that my behavior towards food is considered normal now.
Forced Food Log
/u/fitisthegoal [F21|5'6|CW127 |GW110]
Created: Tue Sep 11 19:04:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f37tu/forced_food_log/
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One of my professors is requiring us to document the next 10 days of our eating but is stressing it's just about access and she's not going to look at the food or type or calories just how we said we prepared or bought it.
​
This assignment makes me so anxious to essentially have to do a completely fake food log while simultaneously logging for personal use. Yikes.
[Help] Freaking out because my bread was too...dense
/u/quietpandaa [5'1 | 86 | 16.3 | -25 | 20F]
Created: Tue Sep 11 18:56:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f35he/freaking_out_because_my_bread_was_toodense/
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Okay so I'll preface this by saying that I have OCD and that + ED turns me into hell on toast.
I bought a loaf of Nature's Own whole wheat bread, which is what I usually get at home. These slices feel somehow heavier and denser than usual (I might be imagining this idk). So I weighed my slices out for dinner and what was supposed to be 56g (2 slices) was 70g. I ripped pieces off until it was 56g and just ate that but now I'm freaking out that I still ate too many calories.
I'm worried that the denser bread has more calories, even though I ended up having 1.5 slices. Now I'm doubling the calories in a usual serving just in case, but I'm still freaking out that it'll make me gain. I have 400 calories left today even if I double the bread and I'm hungry, but I'm terrified.
Please help me calm down. :(
My period is about to start and I ate everything I found
/u/subarremos [5'3 | CW: 103 | GW: 88]
Created: Tue Sep 11 18:55:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f354h/my_period_is_about_to_start_and_i_ate_everything/
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I don't even feel guilty, but I know I will tomorrow.
Do you eat a lot when you are on your period? what do you do to avoid the cravings?
I already ate all the snacks at work and bought more because I NEEDED chocolate. I want to be responsible tomorrow.
[Help] Can’t keep Binging/Purging, it’s destroying me. I ~~need~~ want a way to annihilate my appetite.
/u/Emanuel179
Created: Tue Sep 11 18:41:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f318c/cant_keep_bingingpurging_its_destroying_me_i_need/
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Hi, I’m new to this sub and if this is a stupid post then I’ll get rid of it, but I just had another binge / purge and it’s 2am , another night of 3-4 hours sleep if I’m lucky. My life is completely suffering from this, like, I’m not doing my work or attending my exercise classes because I just feel so drained from the constant fasting / binging. I eat clean but I eat BIG. I will not stop at 2000 calories oh nonono. I could eat my weekly calorie allowance in salads if I wanted to, my stomach knows no bounds... I’ve tried all forms of fasting, Keto, carnivore etc etc... i overeat on all of em.
**Id appreciate any advice you have to kill an insatiable appetite** - and not the usual ‘’eat more protein’’, ‘’brush your teeth’’ or ‘’drink lots of water’’ please ... :/ Because if it’s a softcore tip I’m either I’m already doing it, doing that wrong or it doesn’t work for me. I’m willing to take whatever substances I need if you tell me they work. Thanks.
[Rant/Rave] Losing friends left & right....
/u/moonchldx
Created: Tue Sep 11 18:38:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f30ki/losing_friends_left_right/
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Okay ladies & gents..
Sorry for the rant !
Am I alone in this...
As long as I can remember I’ve had at least one good friend and we would do EVERYTHING together... but it always ends somehow...
I see people I went to HS with getting married & they all have someone they’ve been friends with since HS as their groomsmen or bridesmaids...
I try so hard to make friends and keep them, I’m the kind of person who will do anything for them but I always lose friends and sadly it has nothing to do with my ED...
One thing my old college friend told me that will stick with me forever was “You are a terrible friend, I’d rather be alone then hang out with you” in this situation I was a freshman in college going home for break and she happened to break things off with her then bf and expected a 19 yr to not home to see family and stay back with her (she lived in the school town).
I mean I was there for her, I listened to her cry on the phone, text with her all day to make sure she was okay... yet the one week I went home and wasn’t there for her, I messed the friendship up...
Point is: I have no friends, I apparently suck at life. Period.
Is this sub about erectile dysfunction?
/u/Longboarding-Is-Life
Created: Tue Sep 11 18:38:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f30jt/is_this_sub_about_erectile_dysfunction/
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[Rant/Rave] 10+ days without reddit
/u/ST4RV3
Created: Tue Sep 11 18:33:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f2z6y/10_days_without_reddit/
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I’ve found a game Im now absolutely addicted to! Ive forgotten about counting calories and starving, I’ve been so much happier without worrying if the extra bite will make me fat. Life is great 👍🏻
[Goal] I'm in the 120s
/u/xanmanorbartard
Created: Tue Sep 11 18:32:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f2yzn/im_in_the_120s/
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I mean just barely. The scale read 129.7 this morning, but even that is a victory. I still feel empty.
This is the first time I've been in the 120s in 6 years.
My GW is between 123 and 125, I'm so close, but I know now that I won't be satisfied when I get there. I have severe hypochondriac tendencies that will keep me from getting underweight because I'm afraid of the long term consequences, so I guess I'll start attempting body recomp.
My parents think i already stopped losing weight, and am eating at maintenance and I figure if I lose the last 4-6lbs over the next two or three months, just reaaaaally reaaaaally slowly, they won't notice, especially because it'll be winter and I'll be able to cover up. I'm technically an adult and it's not like they'll force me to eat or anything, I just don't want to worry them.
That's all. Just needed to write down my thoughts. Thanks guys
does anyone have an edc accountability?
/u/relativeletter6 [161cm | 54.1kg | gw 50kg]
Created: Tue Sep 11 18:20:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f2vpr/does_anyone_have_an_edc_accountability/
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[removed]
I’m diagnosed with ADD from when I was a child, if adderall suppresses appetite, should I try to get some?
/u/anxiety-and-theatre
Created: Tue Sep 11 17:35:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f2jk4/im_diagnosed_with_add_from_when_i_was_a_child_if/
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Why is my belly so bloated?
/u/Tatytat24
Created: Tue Sep 11 17:05:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f2ba6/why_is_my_belly_so_bloated/
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I mean I kind of know why because I b/ped last night and wasn't able to get all of it out. So I took a magnesium citrate liquid and that usually does the trick for me.. well it's been over 12 hours since I took it and not as much came out and my belly is slightly bloated. I drank a bunch of water, took a hot bath with Epsom salt mixed with lavender to calm me down..
I just hate myself so much right now.. I just want to go back to my LW again but I probably ruined it all.
[Rant/Rave] Sometimes I like to look at my pictures from senior year because I love to trigger myself
/u/remmyowlbean
Created: Tue Sep 11 16:27:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f20yg/sometimes_i_like_to_look_at_my_pictures_from/
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Also I’m a fucking idiot 🙄
[Discussion] Favorite flavor Diet Coke?
/u/FeatherMahogany59
Created: Tue Sep 11 16:19:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f1yqh/favorite_flavor_diet_coke/
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Now that all the new flavors of Diet Coke have been out a little while, what are your favorites? I am in LOVE with feisty cherry! It’s so sweet and spicy at the same time. But I haven’t tried the other flavors. What do you like?
[Discussion] DAE get frustrated just being NEAR other people while you’re eating?
/u/lizbites
Created: Tue Sep 11 16:18:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f1ybm/dae_get_frustrated_just_being_near_other_people/
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Today’s dinner for me was a potato hot dog bun (130) and 1/4th cup of shredded cheddar (110). It’s not like, the weirdest meal I’ve ever eaten, but it’s certainly not something I’d brag about, you know?
I live with my BF, and he knows how I eat and didn’t comment on it—but while I was making it I got like unreasonably furious that he was home and that I wouldn’t be able to eat this on my own.
THEN, right as it was all toasted/melted the way I liked, I was about to sit down to eat it, and my neighbor stops by for a visit. Boom, done. I’m sitting at the table trying to hide this pathetic lil plate of food from her, wishing I lived alone in the middle of nowhere.
DAE feel like this? I don’t ever want anyone to know what I’m eating, to see me eating, or be in the same room while I’m eating.
[Rant/Rave] [TW] The beginning stage of relapse is my favorite part.
/u/peachpuss [5'7" | 147 lbs | 23 | ~43 | female]
Created: Tue Sep 11 15:50:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f1qab/tw_the_beginning_stage_of_relapse_is_my_favorite/
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The only part of relapsing I enjoy is the very beginning, when I’m heavy. When I’m fed up with overeating and laziness and everyone is encouraging and congratulatory that I’m making changes. I have a couple of months left of this phase before the weight loss becomes apparent, unmistakable. I’ll definitely be taking advantage of being “fat” until then.
Right now it would appear to others that I’m really just being healthy. My obsession with having water or herbal tea in my hand at all times, the careful calculation and restriction. They all look like components of an innocent diet because I’m overweight. Hardly anyone I know these days could identify these preliminary stages of relapse; they’re trademarks of fitness/health consciousness.
I’m counting calories, I’m exercising, I’m being responsible and health-oriented! Look at me, everybody, practicing the power of WILL. Don’t you all wish you could stick to a fucking plan like I can? Isn’t my dedication so admirable? “Resisting” “naughty” food like a “good” girl.
I look too heavy to be afflicted by any problems. People can’t gawk at me when I’m picking apart a small carton of yogurt (80) with a soft, tiny spoon meant for babies until I’m skinny again. It’s just: good for me!
People can’t hug me then give a concerned look afterwards because they felt the hard ridges of my spine beneath my clothes. Not until I’m skinny again.
They can’t comment on how little I ate, or long I go between meals, because fat people could stand to be hungry for a little while.
But I know that in a not-very-distant future I’ll have to combat the hovering worriers, the concerned “talks”, the comments that were supposed to come off as helpful but really only encourage me to prove everyone wrong. “I’m fine.” “I’ve never been healthier.” “I’m the exception.” “I’m in control.” “I know what I’m doing.” Always a justification, because I’m convinced this is the cure to my misery.
There’s a light at the end of this tunnel and we all know it, or else why would we wander so far into the darkness? We’re not stupid like the rest of them. We know how far is too far. We know the truth about ourselves that you’d never understand, so don’t even ask. We’re in control.
[Rant/Rave] Dad made me some fried rice and gave me some low sodium soy sauce but I’m terrified to eat it and my brain can’t process why.
/u/kayasawyer [ 4'11 | 119.8 | 18.5 | 20 | 22 F]
Created: Tue Sep 11 15:48:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f1plq/dad_made_me_some_fried_rice_and_gave_me_some_low/
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I know *why* I’m having trouble eating it logically because I’m ill but I’m still having trouble processing why today of all days I’m having trouble. I’ve taken my daily medication and maybe that’s why I’m having trouble because it completely suppressed my appetite but I’m hungry because of a different medication it basically cancels each other out I dunno. Anyway, I’m having trouble. I really thought I was doing better but here we are. I’m considering flushing it through the toilet. What the fuck is wrong with me? And what the hell is the point of this post? I’m not sure. I guess I just feel comfortable talking about my issues here because I’m anonymous and other men and women understand what I’m going through. Well I guess that’s it.
[Rant/Rave] I didn't do anything wrong so why am I upset?
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2 | 148 | Aiming for 146 by 9/25 | -12| f21]
Created: Tue Sep 11 15:42:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f1o10/i_didnt_do_anything_wrong_so_why_am_i_upset/
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Today was a regular day, had a pumpkin-yogurt smoothie, strawberries, milk tea and homemade veggie pizza. All normal food for me totalling 900 cals, Which is right in the middle of my acceptable range. I ate 1,000 yesterday and was totally fine....But today I'm really, really anxious and upset my intake was too much, worried I didn't add the pizza right, I ate too much pizza, The smoothie was unnessicarily large, Why did I snack....gzafhfg all kinds of crap. Why can't my brain shut up
Anyone down to hold me accountable?
/u/conuretrash
Created: Tue Sep 11 15:12:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f1fku/anyone_down_to_hold_me_accountable/
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I need some help, someone to just talk to when i feel a binge who can just remind me it’s not worth it. I’ll also do the same for you. I just feel all alone with this.
So i got really into mukbang vids all of a sudden...
/u/mymonoclemakesyouhot [Height: 5'6" | CW: 133lbs | BMI: 21.5 | GW: 120lbs | F]
Created: Tue Sep 11 15:09:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f1era/so_i_got_really_into_mukbang_vids_all_of_a_sudden/
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and i just salivated while watching one. like legit drooled on myself. wtf is my life 🤣
[Rant/Rave] Things I apparently can’t buy anymore because I binge on them
/u/madeinny88 [5'8" | 125 | 19.0 | 30/F ]
Created: Tue Sep 11 15:05:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f1dlj/things_i_apparently_cant_buy_anymore_because_i/
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Fucking caramel corn rice cakes (I just ate 6 of them, with Nutella, FML)
Nutella (obviously, I mean wtf was I thinking ever buying it?)
Cashews (seriously? Fucking cashews? Im a fucking hog)
Any kind of protein bar or “snack” bar (apparently I have no self control whatsoever and can’t ever just eat one of these)
I’m disgusting, AMA
[Help] Will EC stack help me stop binging?
/u/thingsarestranger [5’2” | CW:123.9 | GW1:115 | SW:160 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 11 15:00:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f1bxr/will_ec_stack_help_me_stop_binging/
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Lately I’ve been purging and binging 2-3 times a day. Completely fucked up binge free September hence me just giving up on posting about it. I’m still maintaining my LW somehow even tho my binges are 2-4k cals each time. Guess I purge more than I think or walking 5-8 miles a day (sometimes 10-12) burns more calories than I think. Anyways my hunger has been out of control lately and I can’t fast or restrict for shit. So I need something to curb my appetite and nicotine isn’t for me, does an EC stack help anyone get out of a b/p phase?
I "binged" today so I did something I hate: I ran for an hour
/u/voidnasp [153cm | CW 55,6kg | 24,96 | -12kg | F]
Created: Tue Sep 11 14:51:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f19lk/i_binged_today_so_i_did_something_i_hate_i_ran/
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... And I loved every second of it!
I'm on mobile so I can't add flair rn but damn I can't believe it! And this is a bit long but I have no one to tell this, I'm sorry!
I had to eat sushis today, at an all you can eat restaurant so of course I had no self control and ate about 1000 cal (I know it's not much, I don't want to offend anyone of course!). I already walked for 80 minutes before to limit the damage but it wasn't enough. I walked out of the restaurant and felt so guilty. I knew it would happen, I lost control, I was in pain from eating so much. I tried to convince myself it wasn't that bad, as I've been eating about 500-700 cal a day for two weeks now, but I just felt like a failure. So I spent the rest of the day laying down, thinking about what I did and feeling every part of my belly. I relapsed recently, and I have a hard time resisting to purging. I told myself that I will work out (i actually lol'd at that thought) even if it burn only 100 calories.
My boyfriend (who isn't aware of my relapse) went to sleep, I put my sports bra on, and I decided to run in place at a slow pace (I know it doesn't burn as much calories but I just can't exercice with other people seeing me...). I've always hated running with all my heart, but I wanted to burn these calories so bad. I told myself "just do 10 minutes", but I wasn't tired after that?? So I went on and on, increasing the pace?? And I decided to stop after one hour. I was running in front of the mirror, using my reflection as motivation. At first it was all self-hatred, "look at how fat you are", "remember this person who told you were fat", and slowly it became "oh my gooood look at yoouuu girl! You're actually doing it!" and I didn't want to stop. According to MFP I burned approximately 400 calories (I put a bit less though to be sure), and I'm back to 500 calories net!
It gives me so much hope. I always thought i was too fat to run more than 3 minutes, but maybe I can try to lose the weight in a healthier way. I am so proud guys!
Now excuse me while I go treat myself with green tea and a few liters of water!
Lost control
/u/aeonamare
Created: Tue Sep 11 14:49:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f18ud/lost_control/
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Long time listener, first time caller. I just restricted all morning to come home and eat like four sun chips (my fucking jam) and then I immediately went to go purge it all. IDK what to do, never gotten to this point mentally where I feel like purging everything I eat
[Help] birth control + weight?
/u/lightningmcqueef69 [5'5" | 118 | 19.6 | 18 | enby ]
Created: Tue Sep 11 14:44:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f17gp/birth_control_weight/
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so i've been on ortho tri-cyclen lo for a year now, and while it's been amazing for clearing my acne i'm worried that it's stalling my weight loss. i'm terrified of going off the pill and having horrible skin again but i also desperately want to reach my gw :') what are y'all's experiences w/ bc in relation to weight loss? good? bad? indifferent? pls help a pal out
So she just sent me this. She does it for a couple days and I’m a bit worried. Does this seem like eating disorder behaviour to you guys?
/u/heyimbored_
Created: Tue Sep 11 14:21:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f10kv/so_she_just_sent_me_this_she_does_it_for_a_couple/
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https://i.redd.it/jno3gjix3ol11.jpg
She said I didn't need to diet
/u/Could_You_Not [5'7" | CW: 135 | GW: <90 | 20F]
Created: Tue Sep 11 14:16:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f0z6w/she_said_i_didnt_need_to_diet/
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I was hanging out with my crush today, and somehow dieting came up. Obviously I wasn't going to tell her I have an ED, but I did say, "Oh I'm always dieting lol." She said that she never diets because her weight's so low already. (She's super skinny, like absolute goals) I said that made sense, and that she definitely doesn't need to diet. She immediately fired back that she didn't think I needed to diet either. I explained myself with a, "Eh, maybe not, but body image." and that was sort of the end of it.
What's really weird is that now I'm more motivated than ever to lose weight. I should feel confident in my body if someone I care about so much says I'm fine, but for some reason it just made me want to be thinner. I've been telling myself that when I'm as thin as she is that I'll tell her how I feel about her, and I want that day to come sooner. I don't know if I feel good or bad about what she said, but I know I feel strongly about it.
i don’t know how i exist like this
/u/madcapmango
Created: Tue Sep 11 13:50:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f0rb7/i_dont_know_how_i_exist_like_this/
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i buy iced coffee pretty much every morning. normally i fast on tuesdays and fridays (or approximately so anyway) but i went to the gym this morning and hadn’t eaten since noon yesterday so i was starting to feel the hunger. cue me, walking to starbucks, agonizing over whether i should buy a bagel or not. ultimately i decided not to, and i’m glad i didn’t, because i unexpectedly ran into this person i have vague feelings towards a few minutes later. i didn’t embarrass myself quite as much i usually do. it’s probably my ridiculously sick brain talking but i feel like low restricting/fasting makes me better at interacting to an extent. i feel slightly more comfortable around people, a bit lighter, like my mental illness isn’t weighing me down so much and i’m not quite as preoccupied with self-loathing and all that bullshit.
if i had bought the damn bagel i probably would have been freaking out about it all day instead of walking away mildly giddy over the simplest interaction.
[Discussion] Does anyone else watch mukbangs?
/u/maybenot1212 [H: 6'1 | CW: 164 | BMI: 21.64 | WL: 15+ | M]
Created: Tue Sep 11 13:46:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f0pxz/does_anyone_else_watch_mukbangs/
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AKA eating vids on YouTube? It's awful, I have several channels in my subscription box all about food. But they oddly help me control my binges to an extent.
GOD 👏 BLESS 👏 ARTIFICIAL 👏 SWEETENERS
/u/band-aide [5'5.5 | CW: 129 | BMI: 21 | F/19]
Created: Tue Sep 11 13:40:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f0oai/god_bless_artificial_sweeteners/
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https://i.redd.it/7qr2eyi6xnl11.jpg
anyone else really like watching naked and afraid?
/u/strawberrypey
Created: Tue Sep 11 13:28:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f0kjn/anyone_else_really_like_watching_naked_and_afraid/
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when I was in treatment we would watch it during free time and I always thought it was super interesting. I love finding out how much weight they lose after the 21 days and seeing how much they ate.
[Tip] Maybe don't take an EC stack and laxatives after the gym on an empty stomach
/u/Pinetree_grrl
Created: Tue Sep 11 13:10:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f0f3o/maybe_dont_take_an_ec_stack_and_laxatives_after/
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Sitting at work trying not to black out or throw up. So much regret. You'd think I'd learn after the freaking hundredth time. ☠️☠️☠️
[Discussion] Losing weight making you look older
/u/mladyisthename
Created: Tue Sep 11 13:05:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f0dr9/losing_weight_making_you_look_older/
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I'm almost 30 and I look like I'm 40 lol. What are y'all's ED skin remedies? I drink water and I've been on a retinol regimen to hopefully slow down the process of aging but I swear I look older because of my ED.
Anyone else have problems with this? I wish botox lasted longer goddamnit!
[Rant/Rave] Anyone else nervous for the holidays
/u/Yoni1660
Created: Tue Sep 11 12:51:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f09lp/anyone_else_nervous_for_the_holidays/
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Not just the food but the questions
I hate when my family ask “how did you do it?” Because I’ve been chubby for years and they know I don’t have a fast metabolism. I usually just blame my medication or something. I’ll be wearing my giant Christmas sweater I got on sale last year though so hopefully it helps. Last year someone asked me if I was on drugs so I really want to avoid that again.
It worked for her, so it should work for me, right? (Spoiler: lol no)
/u/piizza
Created: Tue Sep 11 12:50:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f09f7/it_worked_for_her_so_it_should_work_for_me_right/
---
I could never breathe word of this irl and I just need to vent. A close friend of mine went through some truly devastating things in her personal life a few months ago and she straight up stopped eating. She basically fasted for a month and was MISERABLE but she was also proud of the weight she was dropping. We all knew this wasn’t the healthiest way of getting her self-proclaimed “revenge body,” but everyone was showering her with compliments.
So now I’m feeling even more pressured to succeed with my fasting (I’ve been completing 22-24h fasts over the past couple of weeks). Of course I have no self discipline, so I eat it all back over the weekend!! I’ve struggled with major depression, self-harm and body image for over half my life at this point...childhood abuse has a way of convincing you of your worthlessness.
Am I not miserable enough to have the discipline for extended fasting? Won’t I be happier once I get back down to my lowest weight where everyone told me I was so thin and cute??? Isn’t my doctor right when he makes fun of me and says my depression is attention-seeking?
I could scream.
🙃
[Discussion] I haven’t been on here in awhile..
/u/fuckingeffy [20 | 5'5 | CW: 170 | BMI: 27 | GW1: 140 | Enby]
Created: Tue Sep 11 12:40:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f06q3/i_havent_been_on_here_in_awhile/
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Hey y’all, I’ve been too embarrassed to post in here as I’ve gained so much weight and completely lost my mind. 🙃 However I’m back on track now! 1 day, 11 hours, and 39 minutes into my fast! Woot! How is everyone doing??
Don't chug Coke Zero without eating
/u/kernalmustache [169cm ♀ | CW 105lbs | BMI 16.7 | SW 130lbs 🌸]
Created: Tue Sep 11 12:38:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f067n/dont_chug_coke_zero_without_eating/
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Oof, I just drank a whole can of Coke Zero really quick for the caffeine, but I haven't had anything to eat since last night and my stomach does not feel happy about this. Don't make the same mistakes I have. Remember the sins of the father.
I was 2 lbs away from my UGW and lost it all.
/u/prettyplease2468 [5'5 | CW: 111.2lb | BMI: 18.5 | GW: 107 | SW: 124 | 18F]
Created: Tue Sep 11 12:30:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f03zm/i_was_2_lbs_away_from_my_ugw_and_lost_it_all/
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Two months ago I was 109 lbs, 2 lbs away from 107. Lol I thought I was fat then.
Now I'm 117.4, and I can't stop eating and gaining weight. I can't control myself.
Fuck what happened??
Do I just give up and accept that I'll never be as thin as I want?
Omlette calories
/u/comrade_toastboy [65" | CW: 118 | GW:110 | UGW: 105 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 11 12:30:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9f03so/omlette_calories/
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I enjoy breakfast foods. I really want to have an omelette, jalapeños, ham, spinach, onion, and maybe cheese. My school makes them to order but I have no idea how many calories it is. They're pretty big so I'd probably eat half of it anyways, but I don't know how to log it.
[Rant/Rave] Don't You Hate It When...
/u/thetexangypsy
Created: Tue Sep 11 12:15:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ezzhz/dont_you_hate_it_when/
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Your family is full of foodies that like eating out whenever possible?
And then change their minds when you're halfway to a restaurant so you all go somewhere else?
I had an entire meal planned based on the restaurant she picked and now we are going some place else... with bigger portions and more calorie dense food.
And looking up a menu would seem SUPER sketchy.
Plus my wife is a chef, which is great because that means home cooked meals I can portion out. And she incorporates a lot of veggies into her recipes, which is also great. However, she loves using butter to cook with.
Sorry guys, I had to get this out.
[Rant/Rave] “And how much do you weigh?”
/u/travelers-unite [5'8" | CW:155 | GW:100 | ♂]
Created: Tue Sep 11 12:04:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ezw2b/and_how_much_do_you_weigh/
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Last night I had to go to the ER. As I was writhing in pain on the hospital bed, the nurse asks me for my medications, height, and...
My weight.
I have a “healthy” BMI but I felt so disgusted and embarrassed having to tell her that (in front of my 95lb husband too. He doesn’t have an ED, weight just doesn’t stick to him)
Definitely motivation to restrict harder than ever :))))
[Rant/Rave] Aaahhh I can’t fucking concentrate on studying when I’m restricting
/u/alonlioak
Created: Tue Sep 11 11:40:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ezosw/aaahhh_i_cant_fucking_concentrate_on_studying/
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I’m so torn between prioritizing school and losing my holiday weight so I’m not so damn unattractive
Nothing is going into my head
That is all
[Rant/Rave] i feel normal sometimes
/u/annoyingdoggy [154cm | 48kg | F]
Created: Tue Sep 11 11:40:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ezoog/i_feel_normal_sometimes/
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it’s really confusing because i’ll have “normal” days that are actually low-cal binges (in the sense that i lose self control yet typically stay within my maintenance cals) and ill convince myself that i’m fine.
then i look in the mirror and i’m so painfully aware of the fact that i’m not at the weight that i want to be. i’ve gained a bit since starting school due to actually eating the school lunch and that felt fine for a while until now. i’m disgusted with myself for finding myself “normal” when in reality i feel fat with a capital F.
Exercise depression
/u/Yoni1660
Created: Tue Sep 11 11:37:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eznm9/exercise_depression/
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Anyone else get super depressed when you think you’re burning a lot of calories by exercising and it’s really only like 5 calories? What’s the point of even exercising now ugh.
[Rant/Rave] Just b/p'd at work
/u/ImpishImp
Created: Tue Sep 11 11:36:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eznh0/just_bpd_at_work/
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I don't b/p often but I have been in a huge binge mood for about a week. I got a ton of food on my lunch break and came back feeling like I was nine months pregnant. I went to the downstairs bathroom (which no one uses) and locked the door. I hate purging but it feels so good to start over(ish). I feel like I only started bingeing when I lost weight. Like wtf I'm supposed to be happier but all I can think about now is food. So that's how my Tuesday is going :|
[Rant/Rave] "Don't eat under your BMR!"
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2 | 148 | Aiming for 146 by 9/25 | -12| f21]
Created: Tue Sep 11 11:27:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ezkmq/dont_eat_under_your_bmr/
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This is a new one I just heard from some show. My bmr is like 1400 with activity my tdee is maybe 1500-1700 so uh...I guess if I followed this advice i'd lose weight by next year at the soonest. I guess it could work if you exercise A LOT or want to lose very slow but otherwise I think most people would basically maintain, right?
Diet Coke?
/u/curiosipey
Created: Tue Sep 11 11:08:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ezf2v/diet_coke/
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I drink Diet Coke to curb my cravings... Is this bad?
The weird shit we do to/with food.
/u/LeOssa
Created: Tue Sep 11 10:35:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ez4lk/the_weird_shit_we_do_towith_food/
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So I do some weird shit with food to fulfill a craving or a caloric gap.
One thing I've loved for years is taking sweet potato or pumpkin, mashing it up with sucralose, cinnamon, ginger and Greek yogurt or a tablespoon of coffee creamer
to fulfill my full need for pie.
I didn't realize how weird this was until my husband who has never seen me do this looke at me like I had ten heads and asked why I wouldn't just eat pie.
I have dozens of things like this that I do
What weird shit are you into?
[Discussion] Anyone else wake up feeling delusional ?
/u/Bookeisha [182 cm | 57.3 kg | BMI 17.3 | M ]
Created: Tue Sep 11 10:19:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eyzew/anyone_else_wake_up_feeling_delusional/
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I don't know if it's 100% ED related (probably anxiety induced) but I've noticed this pattern for a long time now. Every morning I wake up with all those "goals" and compulsive thoughts and it takes a few hours for my mind to settle and calm down.
Like this morning I woke up and decided TODAY was the day I needed to stop eating at maintenance and go back to my apartment so I can isolate myself, fast and loose a bunch of weight. In the heat of the moment, I was scrolling through thinspo, later did a salt water flush, took a shower and then at some point I realised I didn't actually want to go. A whole agitation for nothing - that salt water was disgusting btw and gave me a headache but it worked... Something similar happened last week and my luggage is still lying in a side of my room waiting for me to go.
My classes only start next week, there's logically no reason for me to leave my parents' house atm. I know I like to spend time with my family better than being a reclusive and starving mess. Weight loss is always in the back of my mind, I get it and I've gained a little bit lately, but why does it get so intense in the morning?
100 days of Keto?
/u/pleasepickupitsjay
Created: Tue Sep 11 10:18:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eyz7y/100_days_of_keto/
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More like 100 days of heavy restricting ;)
How do you keep track of your daily weigh-ins?
/u/aceshighsays [5'2" | +10.2 | LW: 107.8 | GW: 95]
Created: Tue Sep 11 10:13:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eyxrj/how_do_you_keep_track_of_your_daily_weighins/
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I've been using a scale and writing my weight down in a notebook, but I'd love to digitize it and make it more hands off. Any suggestions for scales or ideas of how to keep track of your weight? Thanks!
HAE started panicking about Christmas?
/u/cherryxnut
Created: Tue Sep 11 10:10:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eywrz/hae_started_panicking_about_christmas/
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It’s September but I’m already stressing about Christmas Day. I’ve been planting the seed of vegetarianism in my parents head so I can turn down certain foods. Other than that... I guess I’ll just stress and stress...
[Rant/Rave] Grocery shopping online
/u/PsychadelicSpaceCat [65"| 122lb | BMI 20 | GW1: 119lb | 24F]
Created: Tue Sep 11 10:05:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eyvby/grocery_shopping_online/
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ANYONE ELSE OBSESSED? lmao.
When I'm in a long restrictive phase, my favorite "fun" activity to avoid binges is to fill up and empty online carts with food. It's the best. I use Amazon and Walmart and I rarely buy anything, just window shop.
12-pack of shirataki noodles, low sodium seasonings, 10 cal flavoured broth, Nori snacks, anything that sounds safe and good BOOM added to cart. I don't even need to checkout it just makes me feel so safe and secure inside. Is that crazy? Idek lol. I can't wait for the future when drones deliver all our fresh groceries and I never have to shop in public again
Anxiety after ordering
/u/GQJohnDoe
Created: Tue Sep 11 09:38:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eymfb/anxiety_after_ordering/
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Does anyone else have like huge anxiety after ordering food? Like, my favorite salad place, you order at the counter and they bring the food out to you like 5 minutes later. Those 5 minutes I'm like digging what nails I have into the palms of my hands (sometimes, arms). IDK why. It only really happens at fast casual / fast food type places (maybe because the few times I go out to a real full service restaurant I'm always with someone so there's conversation and distraction).
[Discussion] Dae have very specific times they eat and if it's changed they get upset?
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2 | 149 | Aiming for 146 by 9/25 | -12| f21]
Created: Tue Sep 11 09:20:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eyh4q/dae_have_very_specific_times_they_eat_and_if_its/
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I eat at 11am and 4pm with optional 8pm. Every. Single. Day. If it accidently gets skipped or someone suggests eating at any other time I get very anxious and upset.
It's so stupid but it's important to me :/
I need permission. Validation?
/u/conuretrash
Created: Tue Sep 11 09:17:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eygde/i_need_permission_validation/
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I feel so worthless. I am 5'4'' and around 158 pounds. Ten pounds from being a "healthy" weight. But. I've lost 30 pounds in these past few months and I just want a break. I just want to relax. Stop logging for a little bit (not go crazy, I can still estimate how much cream I use in my coffee by overestimating).
But I feel like I'm too fat for that. Like I don't deserve it. I'll be seeing my sis who lost a ton of weight in a month and I feel like I need to be thin too, or else I'm a failure. But mentally I'm so exhausted and drained and it's effecting my schoolwork. Someone tell me I can relax. I don't have to think about food all the time. Why is being fat making me so miserable??? Or if I'm disgusting tell me I'm disgusting and I deserve this stress. I can't tell anymore.
Do I have ED?
/u/Nataniel_PL
Created: Tue Sep 11 09:12:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eyemr/do_i_have_ed/
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So I guess I'm not the kind of person most people would assume have ed, because I look healthy, have regular weight and don't look like someone who is struggling to maintain that.
I used to be overweight as a kid, I had really terrible eating habits from home, a bit unfortunate genes and a tendency to stress-eat. In my home we were taught that we always have to eat everything that was prepared to eat, so nothing would stay and the food was always very fat, caloric and plenty. My dad and older brother were always very thin, so it didn't seem to be a problem. I got weight gaining tendencies after my mother. She did some dieting, but never bothered to ask me if I'm interested in eating healthier than the thin part of our family and I was always to ashamed to ask. During my teen years I've developed a habit of stress-eating, especially some unhealthy food I was forbidden to eat when I was a kid. I would eat whole bag of chips/crisps while drinking coke, and than be so ashamed of myself and regretful that I would eat another one.
After I moved out of home I started preparing my own meals (my mom did not like me messing in her kitchen) it took me a while to learn to eat healthier, but I did. I've stopped drinking any sugar, gone vegetarian, and started paying attention to what I eat, and soon without any real workout or dieting I started to look and weight as supposed to. I don't really have trouble maintain that, I eat healthy, do some workout to maintain general health, although I'm not very into sport, but everything seems to be fine. I still have problem with binge eating, and when I get my hands on some chips/crisps it is really hard for me to stop reaching for more, even if I no longer want to eat it. I find it hard to stop eating if I'm full but still have food on my plate. I still feel the need to eat when I'm nervous. And when I have some stomach problem I always feel this kind of relief that I managed to cheat some calories out of me and wish I could do that more often. I know my body looks and weights healthy, but when I look at myself naked in the mirror I still have these feelings that I'm still fat and should loose some more.
​
My partner says I have eating disorder. I used to always deny that - I look healthy, don't starve myself, don't make myself puke. Maybe I have some unhealthy tendencies, but I don't REALLY have an eating disorder. At the same time I can see in my partner struggling with depression the same behaviour - they deny being REALLY depressed and REALLY needing help and I they needed really long time (and feeling much worse than they used to when I first suggested they have problem) before admitting to it and starting the treatment. A lot of suffering could have been avoided.
​
I know my tendencies are concerning and even if I don't really have ed right now, I can easily see myself developing some in the future. I would really appreciate any advice you can give me to prevent that. I don't want to wait until I'm in much worse condition to start doing something about it. Any insight will be very appreciated :)
Little ED thoughts
/u/carinahm9
Created: Tue Sep 11 09:10:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eye13/little_ed_thoughts/
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I just wanted to know if anyone gets anxious whenever they are sharing meals with someone else while restricting, like I start to think that the other person is going to comment on my little amount of food and I start to paranoid.
I dunno if its normal but I like a lot cooking fatty meals for other people, is like satisfying my cravings without eating them. I like to prepare big plates of pasta and deep fried chicken for my brothers and chocolate cakes, it's like I really like food but I cant stand the guilt of eating it so I stay in contact with it without having the bad part.
I hate working in a bakery
/u/Yoni1660
Created: Tue Sep 11 09:02:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eybow/i_hate_working_in_a_bakery/
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I work in a bakery at a grocery store and I usually work by myself so it’s really tempting to eat cookie dough or other sweets. I hate it when people order like 5 desserts because I wish I could eat them. I lowkey judge the obese people that buy a bunch of sweets too and I always feel guilty. I wish I could just eat whatever I wanted and let myself go.
Why am I like this
/u/asiaticlily
Created: Tue Sep 11 08:49:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ey7gh/why_am_i_like_this/
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me: tries to get skinny
Also me: *drinks 15 shots of vodka on an empty stomach*
......... where my resident alcoholics at, because this shit is about to be the cause of my weight gain...
[Discussion] Social life
/u/carinahm9
Created: Tue Sep 11 08:45:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ey6e9/social_life/
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Is anyone else feeling lie they are losing their social life bc of ed?
I can feel that I am isolating myself a little bit more each day bc meeting people means contact with food.
For instance my best friend (who doesnt know anything) invited me a week to her grandparent's house and the first thought that crossed my mind whas ;wtf reject that, you are not going to be to control what you eat and wont be able to skip meals otherwise they will suspect. You also wont be able to exercise or take your laxative teas, etc... And I told her that my mum hasnt allowed me even though I havent even asked her.
I feel like crap bc Im losing a lot of wonderful things I should be doing at this age (Im 16) but my ed thoughts always win.
I also tend to avoid parties for many reasons: I cannot drink alcohol as I never have dinner (which means that I will end up puking the alcohol, not very pleasant) parties means food, parties means staying awake for a long time and I am not able to do this as Im tired AF all the time, I also get very anxious bc I see all the beautiful girls with miniskirts and shorts and amazing bodies and that depresses me and more reasons
I really know Im ending up alone but its like I do not really care.
Trying to recognize my binge cycle
/u/not_arunner
Created: Tue Sep 11 08:45:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ey66r/trying_to_recognize_my_binge_cycle/
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I think if I can catch myself before a binge, I can minimize the damage.
What goes through your head pre-binge? For me it’s “Fuck it. I’m already fat. This isn’t really going to matter THAT much”
But over and over, time after time, it adds up and yes it DOES matter. I can’t understand why I do this to myself.
As a side note, I’d rather eat a bag of Doritos than 15 salads. F this eating meaningful calories keeps you satisfied bs. I want cheesy powder all over my fingers.
[Rant/Rave] Just ate cake and feel GROSSSS
/u/carbaholicc
Created: Tue Sep 11 08:41:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ey4yb/just_ate_cake_and_feel_grossss/
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I was doing so well all day, eating healthy but then after my meal I caved and had a slice of chocolate cake and now I feel nauseous and disgusting. Just wanted to rant ab how shitty this feels rn :/
I'm not ready to recover
/u/comrade_toastboy [65" | CW: 118 | GW:110 | UGW: 105 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 11 08:38:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ey47z/im_not_ready_to_recover/
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I want to get to my goal weight of 105 before recovery makes me eat. But I have an appointment in a week from now. Maybe I'll fast and eat 200 calories this week and hope for the best. After yesterday's fast I'm down 5 pounds. So maybe I can get down to at least below 110. Idk it's all just frustrating.
New scale
/u/Yoni1660
Created: Tue Sep 11 08:37:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ey3xs/new_scale/
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I got a new scale and it says I’m still the same weight as yesterday, which is impossible because I only ate 400 calories yesterday! I ate a piece of bread and a small cup of coffee for breakfast because I was upset I didn’t lose and I weighed myself again and I gained a pound. I have no idea how water weight works but I’m so ANGRY.
[Rant/Rave] Illogical AF
/u/carinahm9
Created: Tue Sep 11 08:35:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ey3ce/illogical_af/
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When I was told my parents would go out for 4 days I got excited and started making my food plans for those days (I'm obligated to eat what they prepare me). I planned a fast for the first 2 days and one single 400kcal meal for the other 2 days.
Turns out I have ended up bingeing more than when they are at home and I feel more worthless than ever like why cant you just go through 4 fucking days sticking to your diet plan? Why are u like this? Now Im really scared of stepping on the scale bc even though I havent eaten more than 2000 kcal in a day, I feel very bloated and I can already feel the fat coming where it isnt wanted.
Can’t tell if this is irrational ED response or normal human frustration?
/u/onthewaydownnn [25F | 5'7" | ▼ 27 lbs | ▽ 21 bs]
Created: Tue Sep 11 08:02:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9exti8/cant_tell_if_this_is_irrational_ed_response_or/
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I’ve been strict Keto for 3 years now. Really helps me manage my mental health and body image issues. It’s been a game changer and I’ll probably eat this way forever.
Got married 9 months ago. My husband eats low carb because it makes him feel good, keep his weight steady, and likes to support me. (Also because I’m the cook and that’s what we eat. Lol)
I make large batches of keto cookies, peanut butter cups, and other desserts to have available when we ocassionally want dessert. I spend a lot of time making these things and calculating macros. *lots of time.* But baking is also a hobby of mine so it works out.
This morning, my husband takes a HUGE Tupperware full of like 16 cookies (8 of each type) and about 10 keto Reese’s cups? Says he wants to snack on them during a long conference today, and give some to the other guys to snack on that eat keto.
At first I was like “oh, yeah, sure totally. Take them so you don’t eat the cookies and candy and stuff there.” But I kept getting ready throughout the morning and was more and more and more upset. I mean I understand taking a treat to not eat other things you’re trying to avoid. But then to take SO MANY and take them for other people as well? I mean the guys don’t even really eat keto/low carb. It’s like an option but it’s not an everyday thing. They can easily eat all the cookies and popcorn and pizza and still be fine. Me on the other hand, my body is like NO.
I asked him if he could just take a couple of each instead of that huge Tupperware. I said “it just takes me so long to make these things and calculate all the macros. I just, yeah, it just takes me so long. The likelihood of you eating all of those is so low, and then they’ll probably sit in the car and melt, or you’ll eat them just because they’re there. That’s not really why I make these.”
He was a little offended, like he wasn’t able to eat the food in our house. I didn’t want to sound like it was only mine.
Idk. Is this normal? Should I have not said anything? Is this ED brain?
[Rant/Rave] Lack of control around food causes me way too much anxiety
/u/sunshineandpuppies98
Created: Tue Sep 11 07:57:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9exs6k/lack_of_control_around_food_causes_me_way_too/
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It’s so contradictory because I will legit binge on half a pizza, cake, and multiple bowls of cereal but someone offers me a donut or suggest we go out for lunch or dinner and I want to cry. My boyfriend offered me a single French fry and I said no but then I ate a bag of popcorn and cake?? But the French fry would have been too much??
Like not knowing the calorie count at a restaurant, not being able to plan for it, planning my whole day of food/eating and being “surprised” with a donut stresses me tf out.
But for some reason if I’M the one to suggest we go out to eat, or buy donuts, chips, etc. I’m okay because I made the choice. I mean I feel like crap afterwards and hate myself but what else is new.
Like how tf do you explain that to people? I know they’re just trying to be nice when they offer me food, they don’t know about my disordered tendencies so I can’t blame them but fuck I wish I didn’t stress out so much about eating off plan. But I only stress about it when OTHER PEOPLE force me off plan. If I go off plan like I still hate it and get mad at myself but I don’t feel that same anxiety/stress in the moment because I’m the one making the decision??
Sorry for the rant I just get like I had to put it in writing and work out my thoughts. DAE experience this?
orthorexia ED
/u/breebunny88
Created: Tue Sep 11 07:52:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9exqub/orthorexia_ed/
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Hey y’all I’m Bree. 30yof
I’ve been struggling for 3 years with orthorexia and I’m looking to talk to anyone that might possibly be in the same situation.
I seriously don’t even want to admit this because I know it’s so weird but in my spare time I’m addicted to watching “cheat days” on YouTube. For whatever reason it has become comforting watching other people eat/binge on incredibly unhealthy foods. It calms me down and eases my anxiety towards foods that I would never put in my body. I literally hate that my entire day is revolved around food. I think about it constantly —-I want it to stop! Lol please someone tell me they have experienced this with their ED!
Any advice , thoughts, words of encouragement would be lovely.
Thanks babes.
Xxx
[Discussion] Made first GW, got asked 'how'
/u/shortLavender [5'3" | cw:127 | gw1: 125 | gw2: 120 | ugw: 110 ]
Created: Tue Sep 11 07:52:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9exqow/made_first_gw_got_asked_how/
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I made my goal weight the morning we left for a family wedding out of town this weekend. I felt pretty awesome, but that turned to garbage when my cousins would ask about how I did it and what they need to do to also accomplish that.
Of course we talked health, nutrition, and exercise, but when they would express frustration that they did all those things but weren't getting the exact results they wanted, I felt terrible. Those feelings were my trigger as well so I very much empathized, but couldn't tell them what I did/do to help that.
Does anyone else feel like a fraud when talking about being healthy to achieve goals? Or like a liar or imposter? Last time I was deep in it, no one talked to me about it so I haven't experienced this before. It gives me guilt for some weird reason.
But yay for hitting my first goal weight!!! (right? Haha)
Let's see how much weight I can lose before my appointment
/u/comrade_toastboy [65" | CW: 118 | GW:110 | UGW: 105 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 11 07:49:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9exq0x/lets_see_how_much_weight_i_can_lose_before_my/
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I have an appointment for an ED therapist in a week and I'd like to be at a weight where I seem sick. From yesterday I'm down 5 pounds from a fast. Today I start 2468, so lets see how this goes.
Cant tell if I'm getting better or worse?
/u/ManWithTheHands [6'5" | HW-333|CW-250 | GW-220 | BMI-27.56 | -83 | M19]
Created: Tue Sep 11 07:48:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9expje/cant_tell_if_im_getting_better_or_worse/
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I'm bingeing less often, but I'm also not really getting hungry ever, and it's really confusing.
So I'm just ??? Changing ???
[Discussion] Do you think having anorexia makes us so good at restricting?
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Tue Sep 11 07:38:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9exmsw/do_you_think_having_anorexia_makes_us_so_good_at/
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I have been restricting and controlling my weight. I don't eat a lot even though I am hungry. I am able to control my weight and maintain it. Is anyone like me? And I guess it's the anorexia that makes me keep losing weight, right?
[Rant/Rave] Appreciate our bodies!
/u/bingeyboa [5'0" | 99lbs | 19.3 | -18lbs | F]
Created: Tue Sep 11 07:29:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9exjzj/appreciate_our_bodies/
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Just a shout out to our bodies! Honestly as rough as it can be and as much as we hate our bodies for many reasons, it's damn amazing that after everything we put our miserable meat sacks through, that they're still kicking.
Like, I hate my body, sure, but given that I fast like an idiot, pass out on the reg, and b/p like three times a day each weekend, it's a miracle I'm not dead.
Do I have issues with it? Ya. But at least I'm still breathing. Sometimes I want to die, but other times I'm just so incredibly grateful for the time I have been given, for the fact that I can call my mom, or hug my sister, or go to dance class.
So, even though we are all dissatisfied or struggling, take a minute to thank your bag of bones, cartilage, and blood for keeping up the fight, because today I got to pet a cat and plan out my Masters degree and laugh with a coworker.
I'm feeling weirdly sappy, but I wanted to share.
Which tv shows got ED wrong?
/u/ljodzn [5'3" | CW 153 | GW 120 | BMI 27 | -14 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 11 06:56:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9exasq/which_tv_shows_got_ed_wrong/
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I keep thinking about the ep of "The Office" where their branch is in competition to lose the most weight for 5 more vacation days, Kelly has a weird juice drink and gets really weak "I look amaaaaazing" and then she faints at the weigh-in.
It's all handled as a joke but I was like "this... is not funny"
ALSO it's completely inaccurate. I've been doing this shit for a few months now and even at my most desperate I've never looked as sick as they made Kelly look for the sake of a laugh.
i bought a muffin
/u/sleeplesschris
Created: Tue Sep 11 06:49:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ex93b/i_bought_a_muffin/
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because i knew i needed to eat but i didn't want to so my bulimic brain was like "get the least nutritional item on the menu, duh" so i DID and now i feel like i have to eat it because I paid for it. fuck
Using kindness to go from a bad binge to a 'good' binge
/u/Judo_Noob_PTX [5'1" | CW: 126 | BMI: 23.8 | WL: 24 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 11 06:30:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ex49k/using_kindness_to_go_from_a_bad_binge_to_a_good/
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I ended up in the town centre today, hungry, with a pocket full of cash and a McD's in walking distance. Recipe for disaster much?
As I am walking to get some lunch, I saw a homeless man sitting on the floor near the McDonalds. Not begging or anything, just sitting there, and its quite a cold, windy day.
I go in and buy a Big Mac meal (small, I'm not a complete monster 😂) and using my student card, I could get a free cheeseburger. After I had finished, I took the unopened cheeseburger and left.
Fortunately the man was still there, and I gave him the burger, which he thanked me for. I feel slightly nauseous (thanks McDonalds), but even though I'm not going to eat much of anything else today, I don't feel as guilty as usual, because I managed to help someone mid binge, and stop myself, because I only ate about half my food.
[Sticky] Thinspo Tuesday September 11, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Sep 11 06:09:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ewyw6/thinspo_tuesday_september_11_2018/
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Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to post pictures of anything that inspires or you find to be something "motivating".
**Please note that we are not using this post to glorify or glamorize eating disorders. Anything that is not clearly from a professional photo shoot or is "bonespo" (extremely thin to the point of being skeletal) will be removed.** Selfies, bodychecks, or OOTD posts will also be removed as they belong in the Friday sticky thread.
*****
Thinspo threads are posted every Tuesday.
Have any questions or concerns? Looking for self-care and beauty tips? Comment below, or [PM the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED) and feel free to take your self-care/beauty needs to the "Stupid Questions Saturday" weekly thread!
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! September 11, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Sep 11 06:09:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ewyv8/daily_food_diary_september_11_2018/
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This is a daily food diary thread for September 11, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
JUUL for weight loss?
/u/LeithLeoni
Created: Tue Sep 11 05:56:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ewvde/juul_for_weight_loss/
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Im not a smoker but kind of wondering about using JUUL for two weeks to get out of a binge cycle. I had tried vyvanse, which helped, but it was messing way too much with my mood. More dangerous IMO.
Can anyone talk about how it suppressed their appetite?
I lost a childhood friend and now I'm more motivated than ever
/u/ketchupbomb
Created: Tue Sep 11 05:41:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ewrxq/i_lost_a_childhood_friend_and_now_im_more/
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Hello everyone, long time lurker first time poster here. Also, English is not my first language so sorry for any mistakes.
I recently had a big argument with a long time friend after we came home from a trip together. I won't go into the details of the argument, but she stooped down to calling me names, attacking me and my family, as if completely disregarding our previous friendship. I tried to keep is as civil as I could, even though I was very hurt and frustrated, but in the end I knew that I couldn't save our 7 year friendship no matter what I said. It only happened a few weeks ago so I'm still angry about it.
She is much taller and broader than me, and would often comment on how tiny I was. How I could fit all of the clothes but she couldn't, especially when we traveled in Asia. She would make snarky comments about how my bones were too protruding, always comment on what I ate and drank (she hates coffee, tea and coconuts so to her I was disgusting for liking those foods). Even backhanded compliments on how she hated that I was too perfect, never had to put work into my looks (expensive haircuts and unhealthy skincare obsession don't count) and I didn't understand how it was having low self-esteem (tell that to my body dysmorphia). I always took her comments as a joke and didn't really think about it.
I would try to be supportive of her, no matter what she struggled with. I would call her beautiful when she felt bad, I always made sure that she was comfortable during unfamiliar interactions so it wouldn't provoke her social anxiety. I went on a different trip to London with her just to help her fulfill her hobby. Now that's she's acted like a judgmental jerk towards me, I'm angry with how much of my time and energy I wasted on someone that ended up treating me like garbage. All this resentment has fueled my restriction like never before, and every time I feel like binging I think about how I need to get skinnier just to show her that I can. I've had some amazing few weeks, and even felt comfortable enough to wear yoga pants in public, which I would never do before. I hope to get over this frustration soon, but I can't help to be excited about how much I lost because of it.
Sorry for the long rant, I've just been thinking about this for a long time and nobody outside this sub would understand.
[Rant/Rave] Best thing to do when you eat slightly more than half your maintenance is to...
/u/billionsofatoms [5'4"|Walrus|LW: 95lb|GW: 88lb|F]
Created: Tue Sep 11 05:41:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ewrwd/best_thing_to_do_when_you_eat_slightly_more_than/
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Just binge until you reach 3k calories because it's "a wasted day anyway". 😰Amirite? Anyone else?
Second edition of Foodles! (Term coined by u/Gyuu) 😁
/u/sad_skelly [5'8"|125lbs| F]
Created: Tue Sep 11 05:30:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ewp9f/second_edition_of_foodles_term_coined_by_ugyuu/
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https://i.redd.it/f91qp9qphll11.jpg
DAE cringe when women talk about "bulking" or hitting the weights?
/u/PM_ME_BrusselSprouts [5'3" | CW: 165 | BMI: 30.0 | 33, F]
Created: Tue Sep 11 05:29:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ewp2t/dae_cringe_when_women_talk_about_bulking_or/
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I'm a pretty thick girl, and I proportionately have big thighs and some T&A going on. I am also overweight. I consider myself to be pretty body positive but I am sick of society excusing obesity, and while the whole 'thicc' culture is great for someone with my body type, I can't stand it.
I see these girls on fitness and progress pic subs that talk about bulking, or they get really small and lean and the top comment is "time to hit the gym." Because you know, girl needs to bulk up to look healthy?! This is such bullshit! I like an athletic look, but more toned and not 'my thighs don't fit in these jeans'. These are real women, not skin and bone, in normal weight ranges, they're not necessarily skinny-fat either. They don't need to bulk, and the people on the sub don't need to put it in their heads!
I'm venting here because I know I'm disordered and just as wrong as those people, but I AM better because I would never tell someone, 'Time to fast and run 5 miles a day to lose some of that muscle mass!'
I just saw a post where a girl struggles with being an apple shape (skinny legs and no butt) who said she bulked and then cut and ended up with a more disproportional body type, adding to the bulk on her stomach and losing a large amount on her ass (which she was trying to bulk). My heart broke for her when she was talking about her trainer saying she should have a bigger ass than she does considering all the glute exercises she does. I get that's the aestetic she's going for, but she's making her body worse listening to these communities of people on their bulk and cut cycles. It sounds a lot like dismorphia and b/p cycles.
It also means that I can't really ask for advice anywhere but on these communities. I don't want bigger thighs! This is blasphemy on fitness subs and when I say I wouldn't mind losing muscle mass I'm downvoted to oblivion. Even though I am nearly obese! I am not going to need all this muscle when I'm 50 lbs lighter! And sure you can't spot reduce but look at professional atheletes and tell me you can spot bulk. I want to reverse spot bulk. Look at ballerina exercises versus the "do 100 squats a day to get a nice ass." No, that ass isn't nice if you can't see the difference between it and the tree trunks coming out from under it!
Anyways, this is the only place I can vent. I know I'm judging them and it's not my place, I just feel like we have such an uphill battle and have to justify the long and lean aesthetic anymore. Everything we do is disordered but that isn't dismorphia? Smh.
[Rant/Rave] made a throwaway so i could post on this sub more
/u/sono-pazza
Created: Tue Sep 11 04:02:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ew6sv/made_a_throwaway_so_i_could_post_on_this_sub_more/
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hey y’all! i just wanna post and rant. sorry for a huge wall of text. it’s also 5:50am because my anxiety woke me up and i can’t fall back asleep:)
sooo in general i feel myself literally spiraling out of control!! i’ve dealt with a lot of trauma in my life and i used to be like this a lot. sad and anxious all the time. then my life stabilized for a bit, had a great senior year of high school (am currently a college junior). i had great friends, got really pretty that year, got a boyfriend, etc. then in the summer before college one of my friends was killed by a drunk driver which was awful. time goes on and i readjust to life again as best as i can.
i made my friends in college and i still have the same group pretty much. last october i broke up with my ex boyfriend because he just wasn’t treating me right and taking me for granted and i was sick of it. then he publicly embarrassed me by getting a new gf 3 days later and posting it all over social media after over a year and a half together!! i was sad for a while because even though i broke up w him i still loved him. i gained 15 pounds from binge eating and since i’m 5’2” it looked awful on me.
my ED developed fully over this summer. i’d eat one meal a day and it would be something like a bowl of cereal, soup, roasted veggies, etc. i lost all the weight i gained and i still feel like a lard!! i’ve been starving myself the best i can at school but i live with my best friend and i don’t want her to know. i just wanna be super skinny again and my anxiety/depression are fueling it. i used to care so much about the rest of my appearance but i’ve just started getting lazy and it bothers me. i get too sad to take off my makeup some nights (when i actually wear it) and then fall asleep accidentally laying in bed and i’ve been breaking out from it!!!:) i also can’t stop using my juul even though i know it’s bad for me.
i have an appt next week w the counseling center at my school but i really feel like i can’t wait that long. doing my homework is so hard because i’m so unmotivated and i just wanna focus on not eating anything. anyway yeah that’s me right now so i’m sorry for the tmi or whatever but i’m just awake and anxious so i wanted to spill it.
[Rant/Rave] Family scale is incorrect
/u/Butterfly_Rose
Created: Tue Sep 11 03:58:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ew5to/family_scale_is_incorrect/
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Omg I weighed myself this morning and it seemed too low and I was like oh maybe the floor is uneven here so I moved it to a different spot and I went up a whole kg and then I moved it to another and it changed again!
Is it the scale or the floor?! I went into every room each with a different flooring and my weight keeps on changing and I don't know what it is anymore :( I thought I was so close to my goal weight and now suddenly I'm 47.4kg(highest one showed) or shall I just delude myself into being 46kg (lowest one showed).
I'm so disgusting ew ew ew. I don't know what to do or think.
I can't wait to go back to university and be in full control again because I'm making now progress at home.
I hate this...
I hate that I am back to this but I love that it's working.
/u/i_love_junk_food [5'1" | CW 62.4kg | GW 50kg | F]
Created: Tue Sep 11 03:56:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ew5fj/i_hate_that_i_am_back_to_this_but_i_love_that_its/
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I hope you don't mind this stream of consciousness. Not the best at sentence structure or paragraphs when I have a slight hunger headache.
In January last year, when I was BMI 29, I hired a trainer who set me 1500kcal a day and I was losing only two lbs a month/ an inch all over but at least it was a loss and I was proud of myself for being physically strong for once in my life. But I hate going to the gym and wouldn't do anything outside of our sessions beyond dance. I am also really really into cooking, baking and learning about cuisine so it's hard to resist delicious things I make or going to restaurants. My weight loss plateaued like 6 months ago and I was paying out of my ass to see my trainer because it was what I was used to and we're actually friends. I hated myself for consistently going over 1500kcal and I'd also binge but I discovered that I could do a 56 hour fast (with difficulty but it was there). I stayed at my plateau and went on holiday at the end of august and hated myself in many pictures. Came back and I'd gained 2lbs(wrote a post about that). My face was fat... which is weird because at a higher weight I didn't notice my face being particularly fat. My self loathing had increased but I like it because the last time I hated myself this much I did become skinny but a year abroad in France and then horrible life events led me to gain 10kgs .
My dad went away for ten days and I had the place to myself (I work for him and we work from home but I hate him. Working on leaving... but he's a huge narcissist... naturally). I tried and failed at fasting for more than 18 hours at a time because I'd binge in the evenings. However, I used this time to figure out how I was gonna actually succeed at losing this weight.
I stopped seeing my trainer claiming post holiday finances were tight which meant less scrutiny on what I was eating and my activity levels. Not that she was strict but more that I felt accountable to lose weight and it was frustrating me that I was failing so bad. She told me it would be good to have a break and kick this plateau. lol.
I have stopped using MFP. I treated it like a fun target for me whereas it should have been a window. A much smaller window. I've basically been restricting but I eat when I see my friends and had a huge brunch with everything you could imagine on Sunday. I even went for pizza with my dad and brother on Saturday. I am good at estimating calories (I sometimes consult MFP to get an idea but don't log) so I don't even bother snacking anymore and tell myself I can eat xyz delicious food for dinner if I don't go over 1000 in total. I basically save my calories for food I love and for the evenings which is clearly when I get most hungry. I guess I average 900 a day? But I have stopped eating late at night because the scale always upsets me the morning after. During the day I live off electrolytes, vitamins and coffee. My dad will notice if I don't eat lunch so I make sure to eat something small in front of him. I am also lucky that the friends I hang out with the most consider smoking shisha a good enough social event vs just eating out (which is what I would have proposed most of the time) so a pot of tea and a smoke is basically zero calories... Last time I allowed myself a bit of food but didn't feel guilty as I had barely eaten during the day. We also dance socially and I would attend more socials if it wasn't for my dad having an issue with me not being in the house.
This weekend I am going to a four day dance festival and I want to look ok. Also my birthday is on the 25th and I have a dress I need to fit into. I've lost 3lbs this week and I am happy to be back at my lowest weight of the year which I had only reached in February (the boy I liked was having his bday party. cringe at me). It's addicting seeing the scale go down like this but it's sad that I couldn't do it the sustainable way. Now that I have gone back to my old ways I should hopefully be more than half way to my goal come the new year. The difference is this time I have a community for when I am feeling particularly horrible. The people on the Discord are wonderfully kind. I have a dull hunger pain in my stomach but I'm gonna keep chugging this peach tea electrolyte water and ignore it.
@neomlei on Instagram makes hautingly beautiful drawings, this one really touched me
/u/dumpsterfiredive
Created: Tue Sep 11 03:53:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ew51i/neomlei_on_instagram_makes_hautingly_beautiful/
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https://i.redd.it/n10pln9i0ll11.jpg
weight loss plateau
/u/hertha2919
Created: Tue Sep 11 03:34:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ew1b6/weight_loss_plateau/
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a little context, i’m 5”1 and 95 lbs and i just want to lose a little more, but i seem to be stuck at this plateau for AGESSS. tried restricting more, increasing food intake to overcome the plateau, changed my diet etc. but to no avail. does anyone have any suggestions what i could do?
No food is safe for me anymore
/u/KajaIsForeverAlone [height:5'9 | CW: 135 BMI:20 | weight lost:25 lbs | Gender: F]
Created: Tue Sep 11 02:20:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9evo39/no_food_is_safe_for_me_anymore/
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I've eaten once in the past 2 weeks and I just can't get myself to eat anything. I'll chew and spit, then purge what I accidentally swallow. But that's it. I don't know how long I can keep doing this and I don't know if I want to seek help
[Help] How do you guys fast without keeling over?
/u/blood-n-caffiene
Created: Tue Sep 11 01:46:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9evi9d/how_do_you_guys_fast_without_keeling_over/
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Seriously! I see some of your posts about fasting for days on end, and I’m like, “How do they do that?” I’d fucking pass the fuck out or at the very least, get so hangry I might choke a bitch. And it’s not like I’m very tall - 5’5 (I’ve said 5’6 in the past because I rounded up lol), but I’m 118, and tbh, I’d really like to just be within the 115-where I’m at weight range. I don’t strive to be underweight, just the lowest end of healthy.
This is basically a stupid rant, and I’m sorry, but the basic gist of this post is how do you fast and not fucking die? Because food is great, but it also really fucking sucks. Ok bye
[Rant/Rave] I gained 15 lbs from stress last spring
/u/leezyleezy [5'5 | CW: 115.5 | BMI: 19.2 | GW: 105 | -35 lbs | 17F]
Created: Tue Sep 11 01:20:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9evdmm/i_gained_15_lbs_from_stress_last_spring/
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I used to be pretty thin for my body type. I was 114 lbs at 5'5 and maintained it through light restriction and occasional fasting (to reset the slip ups). Last spring, however, everything went to shit. I had a really bad manic episode followed by one of my lowest depressions yet. My ADHD made it impossible to focus on schoolwork, so my grades suffered and my anxiety skyrocketed, causing me to basically lose my ED mindset. I was so stressed out that every day was just a slow, constant binge. I lost the habits that my ED gave me, even the healthy ones like drinking a lot of water and eating healthier foods. My grades have recovered (I ended up with all As), I'm on a higher dose of my antipsychotic, and my anxiety is almost under control aside from the full body tremors i get in place of panic attacks. But I haven't been able to lose any weight. I'm sitting at 128 lbs right now and I look terrible. At 114, I wasn't exactly satisfied, but I definitely didn't feel as repulsive as I do now. There were times where I looked in the mirror and felt close to my ideal body. Now, it's so far away I can't even picture it being me. My ED mindset is back, so I started restricting lightly again last weekend, but I haven't lost any weight. Now it's time to go full ED on this bitch, I need to be skinny again. No more of this 350 calorie meals, I'm skipping them now. I've had enough, I haven't been this depressed in so long and I need to change it.
[Help] JUUL emergency weight loss?
/u/FitCelery3 [5'7" | 118| 18| UGW 113 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 11 00:36:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ev59l/juul_emergency_weight_loss/
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I’m not a smoker and I’ve tried all the addictive things in the past. But lately I’ve gained 10lbs from stress eating.’
Honestly I wonder what you all think of me using JUUL for the next two weeks. I’ll give it to my bf (omg distance) after. Would it help??
[Discussion] DAE feel pretty sometimes but nobody confirms it so you convince yourself you're not
/u/lavenderbruises [5'9"|CW 115lb| 20F]
Created: Tue Sep 11 00:06:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9euzpb/dae_feel_pretty_sometimes_but_nobody_confirms_it/
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Like sometimes when I do my makeup and look at myself in the mirror, I'm like, "um I'm lowkey kinda hot???" But then I walk around and nobody looks at me or compliments me at all and I'm like, "Ok nvm lmao."
And this is such a sad thing to admit but a month ago I met this terrible/borderline sociopathic man. I'm a fucking pushover so of course I had sex with him on the first date. I pretended like I was this depraved ho although I secretly just wanted a cute loving relationship, all because I wanted him to like me and not get bored of me.
He caused me so much pain but of course I continued to see him. He said to me "You're beautiful" twice and I swear to God I felt so validated...like I legit never felt so happy in my life. No man under the age of 65 has ever ever called me beautiful before, not even my fucking ex-boyfriend, and it was such a HIGH. Like, bitch this guy said I'm beautiful!!!1
Anyways he hasn't said it in like 2 weeks so guess that means I'm ugly. Hehehe God I'm pathetic
[Help] Lost rapidly, now I'm plateauing hard?
/u/bittrspittr
Created: Mon Sep 10 23:51:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9euwsv/lost_rapidly_now_im_plateauing_hard/
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I'm so confused, I lost 20kg in a bit over 4 months almost effortlessly. Now I'm restricting far More than before and exercising quite a bit, and I've been 56-53 for 2 months. Plus my thighs and arm flab won't fuck off. Sorry this sounds rushed I'm on a bus but any tips for this or an explanation?
[Rant/Rave] Uggghhh
/u/moonchldx
Created: Mon Sep 10 23:33:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eut4p/uggghhh/
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I’ve been eating lower than 550 cals the past 7 days doing so well and today I had 980 or something and I feel like I’m going to rip my hair out !
I wish eating below a “normal” amount of calories didn’t feel like a binge... I feel disgusted with myself...
I posted earlier that I wasn’t going to weigh myself today cause I was 116 on Sunday but now I HAVE to tomorrow morning I can’t stop all these feelings.
I’m sorry for the rant.
Hope your day was 1000000x better than mine!
xx
[Discussion] DAE feel like they’ve sort of reached an emotional middle ground with their ED?
/u/landfill7707
Created: Mon Sep 10 23:29:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eusd9/dae_feel_like_theyve_sort_of_reached_an_emotional/
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I was so fucking miserable even just a month ago. I was puking my guts out, hating hunger, hating life in general. I still remember what fasting highs feel like, but these days I’ve just been sort of content. Still puking after 9/10 meals, still restricting, but it doesn’t make me miserable or euphoric anymore. It feels so wrong but I feel less disordered and it’s a little unsettling. I’m not in a place where I want to recover — or even believe that I can fully recover. But fasting doesn’t make me happy or satisfied or proud anymore, but I’ve also stopped bingeing. It just seems like such a give and take but it feels weirdly okay...almost too okay.
[Rant/Rave] things that stress me out 101
/u/sleesprint
Created: Mon Sep 10 23:01:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eum7l/things_that_stress_me_out_101/
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https://i.redd.it/72b73j5ckjl11.jpg
I’m back and wanna fuckin die lmao
/u/leftshoelauren [5'3"F | SW 185 | CW 152 | GW 110 | 🍑 tinyren]
Created: Mon Sep 10 22:54:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eukta/im_back_and_wanna_fuckin_die_lmao/
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I don’t know what’s gotten into me.
I’ve just fallen out of my regular behavior. My rating is still VERY much disordered, but I haven’t logged into MFP in a month. I used to religiously count and restrict to <500 every single day.
Now I eyeball to 500. Clearly I shouldn’t trust my eyeballs anymore because it’s been a whole month and I haven’t lost a single fucking pound lmao.
Part of me knows this can’t be possible- I eat the same stuff I ate when I was obsessively logging. I don’t drink nearly as much water and I haven’t laxxed in nearly a month as well. I’m trying to rationalize this by telling myself “your body is holding onto every calorie because you only drink coke zero and hardly shit” but I’m 20 days away from a huge trip and I wanna die
There is no way to lose 10lbs in 20 fucking days to play catch up lmao. I am in fucking tears. I bought Zara size 8 jeans to fit into before I leave for my trip but they barely zip up- sitting is not an option.
I’m so mad because I tried on Topshop size 8 jeans and they fit like a glove. It feels like cheating. I’m sitting here pissed at my brain for going into fake-recovery without my permission, now I’ve wasted a whole month and I leave in 20 days. My stomach is bloated, I don’t even come close to comfortably fitting in these jeans, and I am just as fat as I was a month ago.
I’m going to fast until I pass the fuck out. Hopefully that will “reset” me. God I hate this.
I'm disgusting
/u/RosenWeiss9
Created: Mon Sep 10 22:15:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eubbi/im_disgusting/
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but I don't know what to do about it
[Rant/Rave] tip plan a day of maintenance calories to scare yourself into not eating
/u/dollydomer [Height 5'5 | CW 109 lbs| Weight Lost 15 lbs | Gender F]
Created: Mon Sep 10 22:07:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eu8o8/tip_plan_a_day_of_maintenance_calories_to_scare/
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i really want to eat like a normal person. i really do. but my ed is such a meanie.
i use MFP to track my calories when i want to eat like a normal person kinda and track my macros. i go into so much detail with it i will spend hours trying to plan out vegan meals that’ll hit my macros almost perfectly. last time i tried to eat normally i was 2 inches smaller (same height as my stats) so it was lower calories. i tried to track my macros and plan out my meals for tomorrow and i put in my new stats and said i want to maintain and it said i’m supposed to eat 120 grams of protein and 1600 cals!!! that’s so frick fracking much!! it’s so scary. so i tried to plan my meals anyways, but it’s so much more food than i usually eat that i ended up breaking down and had a panic attack.
i want to eat normally so i can build more muscle. i know i have to be in a surplus for that so i just tried to start easy. but i am conflicted because i want to be bony and sickly skinny but also want to be strong and have muscle definition. the thought of me eating all that food even if i’m trying to build muscle scares me so frick fracking much. i didn’t know if i should eat normally or restrict, so i just said fuck it and said restrict. i told myself that i can have two cups of kefir (probiotics yay) in the morning not including dinner. but it’s 300 fucking calories and even THAT scares me.
i had no idea that food gave me this much anxiety. i always considered myself to be completely unfazed by the thought of eating, and that i just choose to restrict. but guess not lol. anyways i’m not going to be tracking any of my calories for a while and any food will probably make me cry tomorrow
tldr:: i tried to track my macros at maintenance cals and it was so much food it gave me a panic attack. i decided to just restrict and be a bony skinny sister
[Other] She weighs 2 lbs under her goal weight. What happens next will shock you!
/u/elevenbravo274 [5'7 | 110 | 17 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 10 22:04:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eu7sf/she_weighs_2_lbs_under_her_goal_weight_what/
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My life still sux
[Help] nearly 1 month into unexpected recovery, thought i'd share my experience in case it might help someone out
/u/AgreeableReplacment
Created: Mon Sep 10 21:55:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eu5fl/nearly_1_month_into_unexpected_recovery_thought/
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so basically i relapsed bad about a year ago and went through hell to get to a bmi of 14. my body was not having it at that weight even though i was eating the "minimum healthy intake of 1200 calories a day." i was essentially a vegetable rolling around on rock bottom while slowly dying lol. anyway one day i was out on my usual walk and somehow i deviated off my route and ended up buying binge food at the store. i ate probably 5000+ calories for 3 days straight and swore i'd "get back on track" asap. Well i guess that good dose of glucose kick started some rational thinking because i had one heck of an epiphany and decided to just stick to recovery.
anyway ive been eating at least 3000 calories a day since, usually around 5000 but up to 10,000 some days. i should mention i experienced refeeding syndrome because i went all in right away, apparently you're not supposed to do that lol.
surprisingly i haven't gained that much because my body has entered this hypermetabolic state. i can tell my body is just burning through all this food because my heart rate shot up from \~40bpm to the 130's range, i feel really hot and sweat a lot, i have this insatiable appetite or "extreme hunger" and i poop like 10 times a day no joke. i don't know my weight but according to my nurse I'm still well below a "healthy" bmi. i took some pictures too and i don't look much different aside from some water retention around my torso, thighs and shoulder area.
generally ive been feeling much better. i feel less like death physically, i sleep 100000x better and my anxiety and depression has improved soo much, including food anxiety. I still struggle with negative thoughts but they're getting easier to deal with as i continue to eat anything i want, face fear foods, cut out triggers and surround myself with healthier influences. anyway like i said, just thought i'd share my experience so far while its still fresh in my mind:)
​
[Rant/Rave] Face goals?
/u/ketokitty13
Created: Mon Sep 10 20:54:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9etpsv/face_goals/
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Personally? Half the snapchat filters. Lmao, how fucked up is that. All of the cute filters slim your face, and I’m convinced that when I was at my lowest weight, my face looked like what filters look on me now. Haha.....
does anyone else start to hate a certain number, even if it's low, just because you keep seeing it?
/u/duskedfur [5'7"|CW: 106|16.5|UGW: 100|F]
Created: Mon Sep 10 20:33:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9etkf4/does_anyone_else_start_to_hate_a_certain_number/
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idk if the title makes sense or not but yeah. i remember being really surprised and happy the first time i saw 108, now it's what i weigh after eating/drinking and it makes me want to fucking kill myself. it feels horrible and disgusting and like failure when it used to feel like success. i'm 106 on an empty stomach and even that feels wrong and bad now because i've seen it so many times. my weight loss is stalling rn because i'm in a bad binge/fast cycle and i would kill to see literally anything lower than 106 again because god, i'm SICK of the 107-110 range.
Just Binged. I feel like crap.
/u/interstellartortise
Created: Mon Sep 10 20:29:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9etjd4/just_binged_i_feel_like_crap/
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4000+ cals. Haven't done this in over 4 months. Ugh. Wtf can I do? Fast?
[Help] Question for Bronkaid users...
/u/itsthereifyouwantit [5'5" | GW: 112 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 10 20:14:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9etff6/question_for_bronkaid_users/
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For those of you that've been taking Bronkaid for a while (6 months or longer), how much has it helped you? Have you lost a significant amount of weight taking it? How much of your weight loss do you attribute to taking it daily?
​
Asking for a friend.................
Thank you in advance <3 xo
PMS without a period?
/u/lemonbasilthyme [5'3" | CW: 94.2 lbs | BMI: 16.7 | 29F]
Created: Mon Sep 10 20:03:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9etcmw/pms_without_a_period/
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Long story short, I haven't had my period since July. I missed it in August, and I think I just missed it for September. I have always had extremely severe, quasi-debilitating PMS, so I'm used to feeling like garbage for 5-10 days a month. Last week was pretty miserable in terms of fatigue, hunger, and emotional instability. But my period still hasn't arrived, and somehow I feel like it's not going to show up again (apart from a migraine this past weekend, and the aforementioned fatigue, I don't have the typical physical signs). Is it possible that I've been experiencing PMS-like symptoms without actually having a period? Can I expect this to keep occurring if I continue to not-menstruate?
The last time I was this underweight, I just didn't have PMS or a period at all. It was great. I don't know what to expect anymore, though...
how to stop binging at night
/u/lizbites
Created: Mon Sep 10 19:38:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9et69p/how_to_stop_binging_at_night/
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It’s 9:30pm and I’m eating shredded cheese out of the bag with my fingers.
I’ve tried the whole “don’t keep bad food in your house so you won’t binge” thing, but turns out I’ll just eat whatever the fuck is available to me.
I keep ruining food restriction days with late-night binging. How do I stop?
Tired of suffering alone.. can anyone relate?
/u/GeorgiaLavendula
Created: Mon Sep 10 19:12:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eszqc/tired_of_suffering_alone_can_anyone_relate/
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This is my first ever post on reddit after lurking in a couple different subs for a few months. I've suffered from bulimia for about 1.5 years now. My purge rates have varied between once a week to 6 times a day. I really wanted to recover, even going so far as telling my parents about my disorder after a really bad b/p cycle broke me to the point of near suicide about 3 month ago.
It started after I was assaulted near the end of my freshman year of college. That summer I read a story about a girl who used ED's to gain some form of control over her life after she was assaulted. I tried restricting, but just kept binge eating more than I would of if I ate normally. I went up from 170 pounds to nearly 200 in one month. I felt terrible, so terrible that one day I decided to purge, to release every foul thing that had ever happened to me into the toilet. It was easy too, I thought I was lucky that I could make 10,000+ calories worth of food come up with just a clench of the stomach. But I didnt lose enough weight, not in the way I thought I would. I told my self I could control it, that it was my choice to purge, that I could stop at any time once I was comfortable with my body, and I was wrong.
After I told my parents, I've tried to recover. I adopted a beautiful kitten, because I thought if I had someone to live for, I could move past my ED that is slowly killing me physically and mentally. But now every slip up feels like a broken promise. Every binge in the last three months have racked me with guilt to the point where I'm terrified of food. I started EC stacking so I wouldnt\` be hungry, and working out to the point of passing out, all to avoid food. I used to love food, love to cook and explore different cuisine. But now I cant even bring myself to finish a bowl of 160 calorie oatmeal without wanting to jump off of a cliff.
I've gone from a size 16 to a size 8 in about 5 months. It feels great, and that's the scariest part. I don't want to stop anymore. I want to watch myself go to a size 6, 4, 2, 0. I don't want people to congratulate me on my weight loss, I want them to be shocked when they see me. I want to be a wet fucking dream in high heels that gets cat called with every step she takes.
I thought I was in control. I thought b/p and restricting gave me the control over my life that I needed. Instead I think its taken over the little control I had left. I'm not really sure what the point of this post is, maybe I just need to rant to people who I hope will understand what I have been living with for nearly 2 years. Everyone in this sub seems so amazing, honest and open with each other and never judging one another. I want to be a part of this community, and find friends that understand.
​
(P.s. Im not sure how to mark or title this so if something is wrong lmk)
an ode to all this shit
/u/PMMECUTEASIANDUDES [1,57 | 75 kilos | Too much | 5 kilos | F]
Created: Mon Sep 10 19:05:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9esxxg/an_ode_to_all_this_shit/
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here i lay
sleepy and wasted
(hungry)
tried to fast
but all i tasted
(under 200 cals)
in my cave
(my lonely tub)
stomach grumbles
hold it in!
my fast in crumbles
(i ate but a cookie i ate but a bit i ate just a little bit and it still feels like i'll never be thin)
the scale looks
with a scroutinizing eye
and i scream HEY
fuck you it's hard to rhyme
^(when^you're^hungry)
[Rant/Rave] I miss baking - rant
/u/CrushedOats
Created: Mon Sep 10 18:48:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9estka/i_miss_baking_rant/
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I miss being creative, making cakes and breads and cookies and spending time and care to decorate each one to perfection. I miss being able to carelessly lick the whisk. I miss dipping my finger into a thick buttercream icing and letting it melt on my tongue. I miss being able to spend hours creating and being able to sit down and enjoy the fruits of my labor. I miss not having flour and sugar scare me. God I miss being “normal”.
What do you miss?
[Help] Should I break my fast tomorrow
/u/citrus_juuiice
Created: Mon Sep 10 18:24:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9esn87/should_i_break_my_fast_tomorrow/
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I’m about done with my first day of fasting and I’m down 3 pounds already. Though it’s probably water weight. I’m worried I’ll gain it back tomorrow, even though I onlynplanned on eating 200. Maybe I drink a meal supplement idk.
why does eating 1100 feel like a binge
/u/problemproblem420 [5'6'' | 122 | 19.7 | 19F]
Created: Mon Sep 10 18:17:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eslht/why_does_eating_1100_feel_like_a_binge/
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i just wanna feel normal wtf
i felt like a truck hit me all day probably because i've only been eating 500 a day for 3 weeks and i decided to try and eat some more today
but now i feel like shit and guilty and scared im gonna weigh 3 pounds more tomorrow ughhhh can anyone relate
[Rant/Rave] Was supposed to do an extended fast starting today...
/u/puzzledbutton [5’0” | GW: 110 ]
Created: Mon Sep 10 18:16:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9esl4p/was_supposed_to_do_an_extended_fast_starting_today/
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But I had a killer headache that no amount of Excedrin would take care of SO I did my OMAD, mom made tacos and then I was still kinda hungry afterwards so I did a microwave 300 calorie pasta thing.... as I was taking the carton out, I didn’t realize one of the corners had lifted and when I grabbed it ALL THE STEAM hit my pointer finger on my dominant hand 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 just took the most uncomfortable shower of my life trying to wash my face with a burn on my finger it was so painful and this is the universe punishing me for not finishing the fast even though I only had ~1000 calories today 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃
[Discussion] Never hungry anymore
/u/Roseemacculate02
Created: Mon Sep 10 17:53:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9esfc1/never_hungry_anymore/
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I just don't feel it anymore, it's kinda a huge relief honestly. Since I don't feel hungry, I never feel like I have to/ want to eat till I'm full. It's great, cause I think one of the main roots of my ED is how much I hate feeling full. I mean it sort of freaks me out, but mostly I'm excited about it lol. Any one else at this point ?
Relapse as a coping mechanism for stress?
/u/shmlurn
Created: Mon Sep 10 17:37:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9esavl/relapse_as_a_coping_mechanism_for_stress/
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I’m about to graduate from college (Horray! Right?), and planning on applying to grad school.
I don’t know what happened, the stress got to me or some shit and I’ve totally adopted my restrictive eating habits again (I’ve been mostly recovered since I was 17 with only a little relapse at 20).
The brain fog is making it so hard to study and I just have no idea what to do. I’m so grossed out by myself that I don’t even want to get help.
I think it’s probably time to admit to myself that I have zero control over this.
/u/JayLenoBlows [18 yrs | trans girl | 6’ | CW 139, GW 130?]
Created: Mon Sep 10 17:33:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9es9t7/i_think_its_probably_time_to_admit_to_myself_that/
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I can’t stop the cutting, or the restricting, or the occasional purging. I need help. I won’t let this control me any longer. I need to get my life back before I lose it altogether.
[Rant/Rave] It’s my 4 year anniversary and I didn’t hit my goal weight
/u/shonamairead [5'6 | CW 140lbs | GW1 - 120 | -20lbs | F]
Created: Mon Sep 10 17:10:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9es3ln/its_my_4_year_anniversary_and_i_didnt_hit_my_goal/
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I wanted to be 130 and I’m still here at 140 if not more because I’ve been bingeing like there’s no tomorrow for the past week 🙃
[Rant/Rave] Fucked up your gut with on off restriction? Have laxatives for a long time!
/u/TurnTechAstraeus [5 ft 4|116lb|GW: 110|19.86|Not Enough|Nonbinary]
Created: Mon Sep 10 17:07:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9es2x8/fucked_up_your_gut_with_on_off_restriction_have/
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Been to A&E for severe stomach pains and was told that other doctors hadn't been managing it correctly (giving enemas instead of oral lax) so I've been sent away with oral lax and guys something feels wrong about this, I'm just concerned that this'll do more damage, I know I'm looking a gift horse in the mouth but I'm in so much pain
I ate 2 toast with unmeasured PB for breakfast so let's log that as 4000kcal and hate myself for the rest of the day?
/u/Cocoleia [5'7 | CW ? | GW 111 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 10 17:05:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9es2c8/i_ate_2_toast_with_unmeasured_pb_for_breakfast_so/
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Does anyone else overestimate their foods and then panic or hate themselves after? It's gotten insane. Even when I weigh out and measure food I still add on a few hundred. Then I wonder why I can't restrict like everyone else... I do but then I add on 500kcal to be "safe" and end up beating myself up over it! I can't even rationalize 2 pieces of bread with a bit of PB on each as being less than 1000 cal because i'm sure that somehow the labels are wrong or I really put THAT MUCH peanut butter so it has to be like 1000 calories. Then I spend the rest of the day thinking I reached my maintenance cals and anything else I eat or drink makes me a pig.
Does your mental health get worse when you restrict?
/u/chrysanthemym [🌻 she/her | cw: 134 | gw: 115 | vegan 🌻]
Created: Mon Sep 10 17:01:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9es10u/does_your_mental_health_get_worse_when_you/
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I suffer from depression. I was diagnosed roughly early last year and have been on medication since (thank the gods for Lexapro). Lexapro has saved me from a lot of really dark moments in my life and my depression's been under control since taking it.
​
However, lately, especially since I started restricting, I've noticed my mental health sort of slowly plummet and It's just been getting worse. I've been feeling more "on edge" lately, fuzzy, anxious, antisocial, and just overall depressed than usual. Does restricting your food intake make this worse? Or, is it just me?
​
What have you guys experienced? Especially those of you that suffer from depression? Do you have any advice for managing it while restricting?
SOS cant get the last 15
/u/kiddogambino [5'3 | CW: 127 | GW1: 120 | GW2: 110 ]
Created: Mon Sep 10 16:55:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9erzll/sos_cant_get_the_last_15/
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I've been stuck in a rut and although I think some of the weight I've been working off has become muscle mass I still need to lose 15 pounds. A year ago I'd eat 400 cal a day and now I'm binging all the time on whatever food I see. I weigh myself constantly and have days here and there where I restrict heavily but I'm tired of feeling like a pig. I need to get back in the mindset I was before and I just can't do it :(
[Help] fucked up my stomach by restricting and then binging? help?
/u/altoristics [5’3 | cw 106 | (new) bmi 19.30 | gw 90 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 10 16:47:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9erxf6/fucked_up_my_stomach_by_restricting_and_then/
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uhh okay so genuine medical concern here
basically last week I’d been eating maybe 300-700 cals per day, doing fine, and decided to fast from Friday night to Sunday. ended up binging on Sunday because who even knows, ate maybe 2200 calories from 3pm-9pm. at 9pm I was very very full and kind of sore/bloated but was like eh I’ll feel fine in the morning. come Monday morning and my abdomen feels very tender when I move and touch it. I’m like uhhh i guess it’s just still bloated. ate 900 cal on Monday and called it a day. It’s now Tuesday morning here, I’m back to the weight I was before the binge, and my stomach still hurts when I move around and put pressure on it, and when I ate a light breakfast
have I fucked up my stomach lining or tissue or something??? anyone else had this happen? pls help
Need to be underweight again to fit in my clothes...
/u/cloudy_gaze
Created: Mon Sep 10 16:41:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ervin/need_to_be_underweight_again_to_fit_in_my_clothes/
---
So I got down to a BMI of 15.8 in January. But now I'm relatively recovered, I guess. But I'm still preoccupied with not gaining any more weight and maybe wishing to lose 5 or so. I'm probably right around 18.5 now. But I bought a ton of jeans when I was probably around \~17 BMI (US size 15, or 0). I'm 100% sure they don't fit anymore and trying them on would be really triggering so I haven't. But summer is ending and I'm going back to college, and I'm going to need jeans. It just makes me feel really nostalgic of the time I could fit into those jeans and they looked really good on me. I don't want to get really thin again, I just want to look good and really like my body the way I did when my BMI was a little lower. I just look better at \~17, and I don't even think it's that unhealthy to be at that weight as long as you're eating healthy.
Sweater hype
/u/melithescrawny
Created: Mon Sep 10 15:48:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ergar/sweater_hype/
---
Anyone else excited to hide in huge sweaters for the fall and winter? Finally, turtlenecks and long sleeves without questions!
Honestly I feel like fall is the best time for me personally to lose weight and feel good. Somehow I feel safer the more layers I have on. Every time I visit my mother she complains more, but the thicker the sweater the less she has to say, huh.
Just weighed myself for the first time in two months, certain I'd gained weight...
/u/glowinglightning
Created: Mon Sep 10 15:22:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9er8x9/just_weighed_myself_for_the_first_time_in_two/
---
...aaaand I've actually lost two pounds. Yet I've spent the last two months freaking out over weight gain and repeatedly asking my poor boyfriend if I looked different. This was all because I was eating close to maintenance calories.
​
Why am I like this? I'm 5'7" and 128 pounds. I'm a perfectly healthy weight and I probably look good to most people, but because I have a tiny tummy and thicker arms I still want to get to at least 120. I know I'll spend the next months agonizing over eating at 1,200 calories a day, even though I don't even need to.
​
I wish I could reset my mind.
[Discussion] DAE do video body checks?
/u/lightningmcqueef69 [5'5" | 118 | 19.6 | 18 | enby ]
Created: Mon Sep 10 15:12:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9er5v7/dae_do_video_body_checks/
---
For the past month or so, every day before I shower I'll take a video of myself completely naked in every position/angle I can think of. Not in a sexual way, just like... an evaluation? I want to see where my bones are starting to show and what I look like without posing to look thinner. When I get hungry (especially during long fasts like rn) I watch them and compare to see if my weight loss is visible. I'm not hungry after watching for about 15 seconds :') Seeing how much my body jiggles and how much fat I have left makes me feel so sick.
It also motivates me to work out more, so win-win I guess?
[Help] I’m trying to do 2468 but on Thursday I’m gonna have to eat a lot
/u/comrade_toastboy [65" | CW 119| GW 110 | UGW 105 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 10 15:05:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9er3gy/im_trying_to_do_2468_but_on_thursday_im_gonna/
---
My bf wants to go to Johnny Rockets, a burger joint and I don’t know how to keep it under 600 calories. Everything is so many calories and I don’t wanna ruin this. Maybe I’ll fast the day before.
first post/introduction
/u/coffeeandcamels [5"4.5 | 17.4 | CW: 103 | UGW: 85 ]
Created: Mon Sep 10 15:02:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9er2ci/first_postintroduction/
---
Hey guys, I've lurked on and off on this sub for a while but I finally made a new account (my other one was a mess of subreddits tbh) and I just wanted to introduce myself.
I've struggled with anorexia since I was 12. I'll be 20 tomorrow. I've been in treatment twice, have gone to therapy, taken the antidepressants, the whole shebang. Here we are, 8 years later. I've dealt with overexercising to the point of waking up in the middle of the night to run in place for hours; I've recently stopped a laxative abuse problem where 25+ pills a day was the norm; I'm attempting to stop chewing and spitting, a horrible habit that is the one thing I can't seem to kick.
I'm here because I need support. I'm currently a double major on a full ride at a large state university, but everyday, I feel my motivation for anything slipping away. I can't focus enough on my schoolwork because I low restrict, but school is also the only thing I'm good at, so it's a double edged sword. I recently got a job at Starbucks but already want to quit before training because I know my mental health will decline more than it already has. I'm 8 hours away from my only support system, my mom, and my dad (who I live with to save money) doesn't believe in eating disorders/mental illness, even though he is the textbook definition of about 10 different mental health issues, including BED.
Optimally, I'd like to lose 20 pounds by Thanksgiving (sooner, ideally, but I'll be realistic). I restrict quite low and exercise every day. Once I kick the c/s, I think I can do it - but I'm sure I'll be posting my daily mental breakdowns. I can't wait!!!
[Rant/Rave] Binging while driving is an extreme sport
/u/lynnB123
Created: Mon Sep 10 14:28:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eqruf/binging_while_driving_is_an_extreme_sport/
---
[Rant/Rave] Hard Relapse
/u/SentientBee
Created: Mon Sep 10 14:26:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eqra9/hard_relapse/
---
Howdy. I've lurked here forever, but some shit happened last night that tossed me right in the relapse I'd slowly been slipping into already. For some more background I struggled with binge eating disorder in my teens and now struggle full blown anorexia sprinkled with bulimia.
My fiance and I have been staying at his mother's house because he's sick with the flu and needed someone to keep an eye on him while I worked. (He has a note from the doc excusing him from work until Wednesday.) I went to the store to grab safe food for myself because I TOTALLY was still recovering....totally. I get back to his mom's place and grab my little 80 cal tuna packet and get ready to open it.
She pipes up that she still has rice and this sauce leftover if I want it, and I responded yeah, I'll eat a little bit of it with my tuna. I'd had a little less than 700cal so it was okay right?
"Wow, okay pig."
She said it jokingly but I left without saying anything to go sob in the bathroom. Full on fucking ugly crying. As I left I heard my fiance start ripping her a new one, but God it fucking wrecked me. I'm at a "healthy" weight for the first time since I was like 8 years old while shes seriously overweight, and my fear of gaining has been horrific recently due to me starting on hormone replacement therapy (ftm) and the possibility that could put some pounds on me.
So guess it's back to the restrict and grind y'all.
DAE spend a lot of time looking at food?
/u/theleftoveryou [5'5'' | 101 | 17.0 | GW 95? | 24F]
Created: Mon Sep 10 14:19:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eqp2t/dae_spend_a_lot_of_time_looking_at_food/
---
I used to put off going to the grocery store and I was a very efficient shopper, grabbing my food and getting out. Now I make up reasons to go three or four times a week. I'll go to Target for something unrelated and wander into the grocery aisles, I'll even volunteer to shop for coffee creamer for my department, which is a job everyone hates doing. When I go, I just walk around staring at the food. I'll read the labels on things then put them back. Eventually I'll walk out with nothing or with some sparkling water. When I'm actually shopping, it takes a really long time because I'm agonizing over everything -- at least if I'm "just looking" I don't have to make any hard decisions.
​
I also sort of do this at home, I'll go into the kitchen and open the fridge and the pantry and just stand there looking at my food, like I'm surveying my kingdom, lmao. I just discovered the Starbucks mobile ordering system and since then I've spent a good couple of hours looking at the menu and all the nutrition facts and putting together "favorites" that I will probably never order.
​
It's like I'm torturing myself, but at the same time it's weirdly satisfying? Not as good as eating, but better than just \*thinking\* about food. Why am I doing this weird shit :/
I can’t live like this anymore
/u/Bleuarteri
Created: Mon Sep 10 14:17:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eqol9/i_cant_live_like_this_anymore/
---
I want to kill myself. I legitimately want to lay down and die. I just ate so much and I want to die. I want to die. I can’t do this. I’m so fat that I should not be allowed to continue breathing.
No more food. Tomorrow is a new day. I can’t eat anymore. If I eat again, I’ll be dead not long after.
[Rant/Rave] America’s Next Top Model
/u/sadveggiehead [5’5 |SW.156 |CW.137 |GW.120 |23.07 |F]
Created: Mon Sep 10 14:15:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eqnst/americas_next_top_model/
---
DAE self trigger with antm. These girls are all so thin and perfect. I can’t help but watch this show instead having dinner. It’s so great. Plus all the drama is hilarious. I also love to pay attention to what and how each girl eats.
[Discussion] DAE just feel fat ALL the time and feel insecure in their clothing?
/u/hollowedheart_
Created: Mon Sep 10 14:12:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eqmwn/dae_just_feel_fat_all_the_time_and_feel_insecure/
---
I know I have bad dysmorphia- at times I do see myself for how I actually look and I’m somewhat pleased but most of the time I just feel stupid and bulky- or normal “healthy” like. I have good days when I feel “thin” and then the next day I can feel the exact opposite and want to die. Does anyone else feel this way as well? It’s so annoying to have a good day and then feel like a whale the next. ESPECIALLY when I catch a bad angle in a full body mirror- I want to kill myself. Completely wrecks the whole day.
Hope everyone is doing ok today and if not please message me if you’re in a bad place 😊💜 we’re all a family here.
The Russian roulette of an ED: Hot pot with friends
/u/nfiniteee [5'10" | 124 CW | 17.2 BMI | 110 GW | 24F]
Created: Mon Sep 10 14:09:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eqm3e/the_russian_roulette_of_an_ed_hot_pot_with_friends/
---
I'm meeting up with a friend/her boyfriend I haven't seen for forever tonight and I'm terrified. In theory this should be great - total control and as long as you eat super slow no one will notice you aren't eating - but my self control is so shit that I'm probably not going to be able to stop myself from gorging. Can't wait! 🙃
[Other] Pressured into eating cake
/u/sadveggiehead [5’5 |SW.156 |CW.137 |GW.120 |23.07 |F]
Created: Mon Sep 10 14:06:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eql5y/pressured_into_eating_cake/
---
A friend of mine has been displaying signs of restrictive eating and I’ve talked to her about it but she is in denial that’s actually what it is. We were having lunch today and I was just having some veggies with hummus and lunch and obviously trying to eat clean and says we should split a slice of cake. I said sure because I don’t want to pressure her to not eat it. She sets it down and says it’s 400 calories so now it’ll be only 200. I c/s the entire thing without her realizing and I feel bad that she ate it thinking I did too. It was such a small piece for 200 cal there was no way I would swallow it.
Shoutout to ginger chews!
/u/Sunny_Mayhem
Created: Mon Sep 10 14:04:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eqkj7/shoutout_to_ginger_chews/
---
These little things are amazing, they make me feel satisfied when I'm craving sweet and helps cubs all other cravings too. They also make my nausea disappear and helped my skin tremendously as well! They taste spicy and do do many good things for you, I wanted to share because I'm one of those who hates gum and I'm sure there are others here as well! :)
[Discussion] DAE get stomach pains after proper meals?
/u/Butterfly_Rose
Created: Mon Sep 10 13:55:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eqhb6/dae_get_stomach_pains_after_proper_meals/
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I'm used to eating light meals or skipping meals now, but sometimes I have to have a proper meal when I'm with the family or boyfriend.
I get serious stomach pains soon after though, my tummy is just like wooooooot is happening. It hurts and I need to lie down/curl up and it takes a few hours to get over it.
Anyone else? Is this normal?
Just feeling blue
/u/SaddBunni
Created: Mon Sep 10 13:42:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eqd8w/just_feeling_blue/
---
Hey ya'll, long time lurker. First time posting. Been feeling kinda shitty lately. Been eating "normal" for awhile now, I never stopped counting but I was eating high amounts for months now (and not overexercising) and i'm really starting to panic now. I feel fatter than ever and terrified to weigh myself. (Though my clothes don't feel tighter, I feel and look fatter to myself...) I also can't stand my face more than ever, and to add to my self hate I am feeling like an old hag at 23, 24 in December. Idk, I guess I just wanted to say it somewhere cause I can't say it to anybody else. My mind is just driving me mad. I'll probably delete this later. 😔
[Rant/Rave] I've been thinking about weight loss a lot today
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2 | 149 | Aiming for 146 by 9/25 | -12| f21]
Created: Mon Sep 10 13:24:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eq7jx/ive_been_thinking_about_weight_loss_a_lot_today/
---
Yes it sucks that I'm "only" losing 1.5 pounds a week instead of 2+, Yes my goal will be pushed back but I can actually live on the amount I'm eating and I don't need to restrict my food or amounts more. 1.5 is still great, A lot of people aim for that amount who are much bigger than me. Getting to gw then going back into a binge phase isn't going to help anything.
In a fucked up way I feel healthier, Yeah I'm still aiming for 800-1000 calories which most people think is starvation but it's stupidly sustainable for me. I need to stop thinking about if I stopped eating bread, or dinner, or even just fasted once in awhile. This is my life, and maintaining will be much of the same. No need to get tired already.
[Discussion] Anyone else eating in their car rn
/u/lynnB123
Created: Mon Sep 10 12:59:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9epzv6/anyone_else_eating_in_their_car_rn/
---
I just left my livestreamed online class to drive to the taco cabana a half mile away and get some nachos, this is my dinner so now gotta spend the rest of the day trying to not eat more smh
Does talking about all your disordered thoughts and actions make them worse?
/u/hypermagical20 [5'5" | 134 | GW1: 130 | GW2: 122 | UGW: 115]
Created: Mon Sep 10 12:34:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eps4r/does_talking_about_all_your_disordered_thoughts/
---
I started therapy last week for a multitude of issues (mostly anxiety), and my weird disordered habits and horrible relationship with food and my body came up. I'm so fed up with it at this point, I had no problem admitting to it (although we did just dance around it...no nitty gritty details), although I was kind of shocked how easily it all came out. It could be because this therapist is AWESOME so far. Anyways, since owning up to a bit of it, I feel like it's gotten WORSE. Like now I admitted to it, but I feel like I have to prove it or something? I've never been overweight or underweight and I never purge, so I feel like I need to get worse immediately or she'll think I'm a Meghan Whateverherface is who said she "tried" to have an ed. Has this ever happened to anyone else??
Super excited for an empty kitchen!
/u/Ineedthinspo [5'6 | 146 | 23.6 | -45 | ]
Created: Mon Sep 10 12:32:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eprcb/super_excited_for_an_empty_kitchen/
---
I'm moving this weekend and I've been excited for weeks about having a fresh, completely empty kitchen. So tired of all the junk in my current house.
I'm not gonna let any bad foods enter my new house. :)
[Help] I want to work out but I don’t want to eat. Advice?
/u/BladderPatrol
Created: Mon Sep 10 12:27:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eppud/i_want_to_work_out_but_i_dont_want_to_eat_advice/
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Like the title says. I want to start working out to help speed up some of my worth loss (low impact things like swimming or doing stair climbs) but I’m afraid working out will arouse a healthy appetite. I have a very solid morning routine to control my hunger and I’m worried if I start working out in the morning (the only time I have) I won’t be able to maintain what I’ve got going now.
Im not afraid of developing lean muscle, but I’m terrified of eating too much because I won’t be able to realistically calculate the calories I’ve burned while working out (so no eating them back).
Does anyone have any advice?
Uncontrollable 2 Day Binge
/u/kladarling [4'11"| SW 201 |CW169 | GW 95 |23F]
Created: Mon Sep 10 12:06:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9epja8/uncontrollable_2_day_binge/
---
So, the title says it all. This past weekend, my family was out of town and being alone doesn't usually fare well for me. I ended up eating non stop huge volumes of super high calorie, greasy foods. The part that disgusts me the most is I never felt full. I shoveled so much food down my throat and I never felt satisfied. I ate an entire medium pizza and sweet bread pizza the same size in one sitting and still felt like I could eat more. Now I'm back at work and I feel bloated and fat and disgusting. So, yeah that's how things are going right now...
[Rant/Rave] Who could ever love me
/u/sigvi
Created: Mon Sep 10 12:03:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9epicc/who_could_ever_love_me/
---
I see a lot of you on here who have boyfriends/girlfriends. And some of you are even married.
Having a relationship seems so farfetched for me. Even if I was skinny enough to love, I would have to mention my issues at some point. And who could ever hear my entire eating disorder history and still think “ok this seems like a sane person that I want to spend my time with”?
Idk guys. Unloveable by The Smiths is my song right now. Anyone else who feels like this?
What do you do when you’re just having a shit day
/u/bitchincoffin
Created: Mon Sep 10 11:58:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9epgho/what_do_you_do_when_youre_just_having_a_shit_day/
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It’s rainy and gloomy. A huge zit erupted overnight. I’m annoyed with my boss. And, the fucking cherry on top: I binged so bad for the first time in a while. I feel gross and huge and bloated. What do you do when you’re feeling miserable?
[Other] upcoming fall trend trend
/u/praduh [🥀🍰 * 15.6, 5'5"]
Created: Mon Sep 10 11:53:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9epf4u/upcoming_fall_trend_trend/
---
broken red pin point capillaries around your eyes making you look like a malnourished vampire from purging too much. wow, such a great look. /s
anyone else sporting this for fall?
Pro Ana kik group chat
/u/thatgentleman28101 [5’4 | CW 107 lbs | GW 85 lbs| ]
Created: Mon Sep 10 11:48:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9epdem/pro_ana_kik_group_chat/
---
[removed]
[Discussion] Why is this easy now?
/u/just-average1
Created: Mon Sep 10 11:32:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ep8m7/why_is_this_easy_now/
---
I’m at that stage where I find it so easy to say no to food, I can go all day without feeling hungry till around 5.30 pm. This is the stage of no return for me, I know I should change things but I’m not going to - I don’t want to. I’m on around 800-1000 call a day. One large meal and a snack before bed.
As of this morning I’m 13lbs down and im at that addicted stage. I’m so conflicted.
Exercise makes eating feel safe.
/u/Flesh-And-Bone [Too Short | Too Fat | Too Old | Duderino]
Created: Mon Sep 10 11:30:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ep7rj/exercise_makes_eating_feel_safe/
---
I feel safe and comfortable eating food after I've gotten a fair amount of exercise in. Once I've hit that point, it's like, "I've done work, I've earned food, and there's no way that dinner will be more calories than I've burned today."
[Tip] Diet pills?
/u/Hellah8ed [5'11 | 17.7| 127lbs | M]
Created: Mon Sep 10 11:22:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ep5do/diet_pills/
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A controversial question to many, but have any of you had luck with diet pills? I tried DNP and it worked wonders but soon after it turned out to be illegal in my country and I had to find other alternatives. I am currently trying Garcinia Cambogia now but it does absolutely nothing.
If you could recommend any, that'd be swell - mind you it'd have to be online ordering as I don't live in America or other countries which seem to have such pills at their local pharmacies
[Rant/Rave] i technically just ate 3 whole pizzas, lucky charms, coffee cake, and pudding
/u/ScrunchiesandDraino [5’8”| CW: 249| BMI: 🐋|20F]
Created: Mon Sep 10 10:58:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eoxwb/i_technically_just_ate_3_whole_pizzas_lucky/
---
granted it was lunchables, a 100cal cereal bar, a fiber one coffee cake, and a cup of sugar free pudding BUT
I AM FULL AND I WILL PRETEND I ATE REAL JUNK FOOD SO I DONT BINGE LATER
(also i wanted to tell other ppl that lunchables are usually less than 400cals per box and if u low restrict they’re a p good omad or just a full meal if u do a higher restriction)
[Help] Help
/u/runner_618 [5'5 | 116.8 lbs | HW 126.6 lbs | GW1 115 | GW2 108 lbs | UGW104 ]
Created: Mon Sep 10 10:55:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eowyf/help/
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Ok so I was supposed to go in to work for literally an hour today but that got rescheduled until tomorrow. I'm at home with nothing to do and I want to drink but I have to keep my cals low so I am REALLY trying to ride this urge. Help distract me please!
[Other] Any other guys here?
/u/Hairless_Human [6' | CW 142.8 | BMI 18.59 | WL -137.2 |M 21 ]
Created: Mon Sep 10 10:49:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eov2a/any_other_guys_here/
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Just wondering is all. Been trying to find some thinspo of guys and not having any luck really. The thinspo sub has like 3 posts out of like a million. Using a chick for thinspo doesnt exactly work all that well cause well im a guy sooo. Google shows me lots of fit dudes and I dont want to be fit I want to be a twig.
I feel sick after eating now
/u/browngl4m
Created: Mon Sep 10 10:38:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eory1/i_feel_sick_after_eating_now/
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Hi, I've lurked this sub for a long time and recently I've realized that on my quest to lose weight I've been engaging in some disordered eating habits. MFP has my daily calorie goal at 1200 but these last few weeks I've been trying to eat less and less. I used to live for food but now eating anywhere from 600-800 calories is enough for me. This morning I decided to make a proper breakfast, but since eating it I've been feeling sick to my stomach, like my body is refusing to digest it. Currently I'm chewing on some gum to get rid of the nausea but it's not working all that well.
Is it normal to feel so sick after eating something substantial after eating so little for a while?
Thought I was slick logging my late night mistakes under today, but now waking up and realizing I apparently can’t eat today...
/u/heyimhayley
Created: Mon Sep 10 10:24:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eone3/thought_i_was_slick_logging_my_late_night/
---
https://i.redd.it/ob9f13zdtfl11.jpg
Nightmares
/u/monstersona
Created: Mon Sep 10 10:17:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eokx0/nightmares/
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DAE have nightmares about binging and being unable to find anywhere to throw it up? Had a nightmare about this last night. Woke up with my tummy empty but my anxiety high.
[Other] Random thoughts on lbs lost
/u/moonchldx
Created: Mon Sep 10 10:07:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eohuh/random_thoughts_on_lbs_lost/
---
Not going to weigh myself this morning.
Not going to weigh myself this morning.
Not going to weigh myself this morning.
Ive lost 6lbs since Wednesday.
Weighed myself yesterday morning...
I know some of it is water weight but keeping a strict diet of 800 but eating no more than 500 while having a cold is making me super tired.
Sorry just random thoughts had to write it out so I can hold myself to it !
safe dinner to make with my bf??
/u/sadfatho [5'5" | CW:kms myself | GW: ??? | 23F]
Created: Mon Sep 10 10:05:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eoh61/safe_dinner_to_make_with_my_bf/
---
ok so my bf is not wise to my whole ED thing, and he wants to have a romantic night of cooking together tonight and he wants me to choose the recipe! HELP idk what would be a safe low-cal thing to cook together that won't make him suspicious?
(also I know this is my second time posting on here today lmao sorry!!)
[Discussion] Anyone else on a goal weight deadline?
/u/mermaiddreamsss [5'8 | CW: 131 lbs| UGW: 115 | -13 lbs]
Created: Mon Sep 10 09:49:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eoccu/anyone_else_on_a_goal_weight_deadline/
---
I have 12 days to lose the last 12 pounds before I go on vacation... lol FML
Nothing but fasting for me I guess.
Anyone else have a deadline?
What are you fave supplements/vitamins? Additionally, have any of you guys tried appetitee suppressants/diet pills? Did it work? Did it not?
/u/cortizonegnome [5'3" | CW: 107 | GW 94 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 10 09:37:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eo8fa/what_are_you_fave_supplementsvitamins/
---
This is a self indulgent post bc I’m curious lol. I just bought some psyllium husk bc I’ve heard good things but I’m very much a baby at the supplement game. I’ve heard abt ECA stacking but I don’t know much abt that/what exactly it is or does tbh.
[Help] Diagnosis.
/u/ruckertlieder
Created: Mon Sep 10 09:18:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eo2lz/diagnosis/
---
So I got one. The letter says “Bulimia Nervosa (extreme)”.
I knew it was coming but I’m still kind of...stunned.
I’m on a wait list for treatment and I’m supposed to be making monthly check-ins with the treatment centre but I don’t know what comes next? Part of me is relieved. Part of me is terrified. Part of me wants to work even harder so that I’m sicker when I see them again.
I’m scared and confused and I don’t know what to do.
[Other] When I have intense cravings, I draw food
/u/sad_skelly [5'8"|125lbs| F]
Created: Mon Sep 10 09:06:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9enyu5/when_i_have_intense_cravings_i_draw_food/
---
https://i.redd.it/ead4drkbffl11.jpg
I can't drink alcohol and not eat...
/u/aceshighsays [5'2" | +12.2 | LW: 107.8 | GW: 95]
Created: Mon Sep 10 08:46:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ensji/i_cant_drink_alcohol_and_not_eat/
---
This is the 2nd time in 3 days where I put myself in a dangerous situation. This happened before (although less frequently). Each time I tell myself that I will be careful, but I don't listen to myself.
The first time, I was out with people that I very recently met, I remember taking a cab partially home and I remember vomiting on the train (and people running away from me). The second time, I met with a guy that I very recently started seeing. He even said that he was surprised I was able to drink so much, but then I blacked out... I remember vomiting everywhere, and him cleaning it up :(
I've gained a little bit of weight and I'm trying to lose it, but how the fuck can I lose it and still drink?!
[Help] What to do when the scale is wrong
/u/emoghost [Height 5'5" | CW 125 | GW 115]
Created: Mon Sep 10 08:28:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9enmcb/what_to_do_when_the_scale_is_wrong/
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At my parents house the scale read 119. So excited to finally be under one 120. Moved away to college and the scale says 122.4. I was devastated and bought a new scale. New scale also says 122.4. I am so miserable I don’t know what to do.
Poop help!
/u/TinyJarOfRocks
Created: Mon Sep 10 08:18:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9enjg8/poop_help/
---
Usually when restricting I have no trouble with pooping, however I am restricting more than usual (cutting out 200-300 calories from my usual restriction goal) and I can’t go!
I’ve been eating fiber, taking miralax, and drinking black coffee but still nothing. Any tips?
[Rant/Rave] Watching a poor 8yo being primed for an ED
/u/markexclamationmark
Created: Mon Sep 10 08:07:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eng3e/watching_a_poor_8yo_being_primed_for_an_ed/
---
Just need to get this off my chest, it made me feel so sick.
At the studio where I teach dance, there is an 8/9 year old girl who is very obese, like she struggles with moves that involve jumping, but she does her best, whatever, we treat all the kids equally. We were getting the kids' costumes ready for concert and had to get sizes and...
Me to the girl: "what size do you reckon you are hun?"
Her mother, in front of a bunch of teachers, parents and students "oh, the biggest size you've got haha. As you can see she's a BIG girl"
Me, internally cringing : "I guess we will try this one then"
Mother: we'll have to see if it fits over her stomach! :))
*another time*
Mother, to girl: we'll have to get you new shoes, you've outgrown your old ones
Girl's 6yo brother: She's ALWAYS outgrowing clothes! :D
This makes me so angry. Firstly, what does publicly shaming your kid for their weight achieve, other than teaching everyone around that riduculing overweight people is fine and normal? Secondly SHE'S A FUCKING CHILD! Who is responsible for providing her food and teaching her how to eat?? Disordered eating doesn't appear out of nowhere at that age. And the tone that this woman had... You could tell that she put all the blame entirely on her own daughter. What's worse is this is just what I've overheard from seeing them occasionally. No doubt the girl regularly gets far worse at home. Her life is destined to be fucked up by her mother in one way or another, and there's nothing I can do :'(
[Rant/Rave] I deleted libra because I find it triggering
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2 | 149 | Aiming for 146 by 9/25 | -12| f21]
Created: Mon Sep 10 08:07:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9enfrd/i_deleted_libra_because_i_find_it_triggering/
---
I feel proud, I was trying to figure out why I feel like I have to weigh every single day and I realize it's because I feel like I have to record it in the libra app every day. Plus my body is being veryyy stubborn about losing weight right now so seeing my average go down is very, very demoralizing.
I think libra is suppose to help but I'm finding it worse for me.
[Rant/Rave] Frustrated with low calorie foods
/u/sadbirdie12
Created: Mon Sep 10 07:58:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9end5j/frustrated_with_low_calorie_foods/
---
I hate using low calorie alternatives like almost zero calorie noodles, “riced” vegetables, bread substitutes, etc. I just want to be normal. I want to eat actual rice and sandwiches, I want to be my goal weight so I can feel okay eating like a normal person.
Now I’m stuck in a binge/restrict cycle because I can’t buy more than I eat so I end up eating disgusting amounts of low calorie food when I feel the need to binge after days of fasting.
One of the best parts of being skinny is going to be eating like I’m normal. I just want to be able to have a grilled cheese for breakfast, or a slice of pizza with friends, and eat appropriately around that to maintain my weight.
[Rant/Rave] fuuuuck cafeteria food
/u/summerservice [5'2 | ??? | 19F]
Created: Mon Sep 10 07:55:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9enc9y/fuuuuck_cafeteria_food/
---
i’ve been at college for a week and now that I have a kitchen in my dorm I don’t want to eat in the dining hall at all. I still go between classes and look at the choices and it all just seems so gross and unappealing. I end up just taking a coffee back and dealing with food in the dorm. but also I had to buy a meal plan and if I waste as much of it as I did last year I’m gonna be mad at myself :( (though I did enjoy, in a morbid way, telling people that I had x amount left in my meal plan because they’d always be like “omg do you not eat ???” heheh)
BUT on the other hand I find myself wanting to eat out like, all the time lmao. I have too many restaurants around me here in the city. chipotle delivers and that’s a problem for me. but then fasting up until then is also hard because my roommates like to all eat together and I fear they’re already picking up on the fact that I’m saying “I will later” and “I did already” too often. shrugs.
I bought broccoli. gonna make broccoli now. thanks for your time.
Can't even eat 1 "normal" meal without resulting in starting from scratch?
/u/TheGlassBetweenUs [5'8 | CW: 144.4 | 22.0 | -5 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 10 07:55:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9enc5y/cant_even_eat_1_normal_meal_without_resulting_in/
---
I keep losing 5-6 pounds, eating 1 normal meal and then end up ballooning back up to my starting point. How?? It's not a temporary balloon either. It's right back to square one and takes about a week to get the number to budge again.
Am I just..dumb? What am I even doing wrong? I make sure the bigger meal calories are still low and I'm still at or under what the "maintenance" amount would be
I just want to be able to have a bowl of pasta every once in a while..
[Rant/Rave] i’m so fucking stressed
/u/band-aide [5'5.5 | CW: 129 | BMI: 21 | F/19]
Created: Mon Sep 10 07:47:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ena2t/im_so_fucking_stressed/
---
i hate living at home, but i’d rather live with my parents than roommates because i had bad experiences last year. my parents are still so fucking messy and all they do when they come home is drink and watch tv. they don’t even train the dogs well so one of them keeps pooping in the house, and if i don’t clean it up, they won’t even clean it up. i get that their jobs are stressful but wtf! you think you’d want a nice, clean house.
i’m nearly 20 and i’m in a pre-algebra class and i’m already lost! like wtf. i keep fucking up and i hate math so much. but i’m fucked if i don’t do well in my classes and they’re all ones i have to take and pass. i feel like a complete idiot. even in the classes i like, i feel like i’m gonna be fucked once exams come around. i get home at 5:30 so i don’t eat until then three times a week and i just want to eat what i planned on eating and work on personal art projects. sometimes i can barely manage to write much that i look back and go “hey that’s decent” and it makes me so dissatisfied.
and i don’t hate my boyfriend and he knows what i’m going through and understands but it worries him and i hate it so much. i just can’t lie to people especially him because it’s easy to be honest with him but i honestly just want to be alone and focus on all this work i have because i hate how talking to people is something i have to do. it’s just a chore now the only person i talk to is him
i’m gonna be at home forever. i’m gonna be at school for years because i want at least a master’s in both nutrition and psychology. i love the subjects but the tough classes on top of other classes that i don’t care about but are also tough is so stressful. i’m trying to spread it out so i’ll have summer school because i want to be out of the house next summer but i hate the stress.
my parents keep giving me weird looks and comments about my lack of eating and i hate it.
i just want to fucking move out of the state finally and live on my own. i want my career already so i can be away from everyone and self-sustainable. i think i know what i’m doing but it’d be so much easier if i could be on my own. dealing with people is too much. too bad my anxiety disorders and stress from school is going to keep me from getting a sustainable job. Fucking hell.
tl;dr i want to die a little
does anyone else feel like your ED makes you more of a ho?
/u/sadfatho [5'5" | CW:kms myself | GW: ??? | 23F]
Created: Mon Sep 10 07:13:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9en0wh/does_anyone_else_feel_like_your_ed_makes_you_more/
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ok this is kind of weird, but I think the validation I get from sleeping around is suuuuuper important for my ED. like, if I can "reel someone in" and they find me attractive enough to sleep with me, then I feel way less disgusting about myself. DAE do the same fucked up thing??
(also I get that this isn't healthy behavior or whatever, but honestly do any of us actually have healthy behavior??)
two months discharged from inpatient and I’m back
/u/strawberrypey
Created: Mon Sep 10 07:01:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9emx8r/two_months_discharged_from_inpatient_and_im_back/
---
I have been really trying at recovery but honestly not being in college rn ( going back in spring) makes me feel terrible and like a waste
. I am currently 124 lbs 5’6 and I’m a pound under my weight range that my treatment team set for me. I’m ready to be a whole lot more under that range. fuck recovery I can’t do this anymore, I’m ready to go down the rabbit hole again, recovery just doesn’t feel worth it.
I know my boyfriend isn’t going to like it but he basically survives on Mountain Dew so he can’t be mad when I want to survive on Coke Zero. Sometimes I wish I were single so I could restrict in peace.
Weighing everyday vs every week or longer... Thoughts?
/u/PM_ME_BrusselSprouts [5'3" | CW: 165 | BMI: 30.0 | 33, F]
Created: Mon Sep 10 07:00:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9emwwv/weighing_everyday_vs_every_week_or_longer_thoughts/
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I have generally come to terms with the scales lies (and the actual math behind CICO), but I still live and diet by the scale. However one of the most successful I have been restricting was when I went a month without weighing myself. Now I'm on this 30 Day all-out boot camp and I'm thinking I'll weigh once a week.
What do you all do? How are you motivated (or not) by the scale?
[Rant/Rave] my mom keeps feeding my sister trash and it's making me very pissed
/u/thatmujigae
Created: Mon Sep 10 06:34:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9empij/my_mom_keeps_feeding_my_sister_trash_and_its/
---
*cracks knuckles* okay guys it's rant time.
I am so pissed at my mother.
she always talks about how the parents are not to blame for overweight children, that it's the nanny's/maid's fault for giving the child sweets and that if the child wants to eat they *will* eat.
last week my mom bought a half kilo bag of one of those really cheap chips that taste like transgenic corn and sodium. yesterday she bought 1L of ice cream and served like 1/3 of it to my sister using one of the biggest bowls we had in the house.
detail: she criticized me multiple times for using that same bowl to eat cereal, and I only filled half of it.
she buys nutella and a shit ton of unhealthy snacks for my sister, even more than she used to buy me when I was her age.
my sister is 10, and she is bigger than every single one of her friends and I am 100% sure she's already overweight.
and whenever I confront my mom about my sister's eating habits and her health my mom flips out on me, blames the maid and says I should take care of myself and my food.
my sister is walking the same path as I did and if she keeps going she'll probably reach 100kg before she's even 18.
I hate this cycle
/u/iron_blanket
Created: Mon Sep 10 06:15:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9emk1g/i_hate_this_cycle/
---
All weekend I have been on a huge binge mission and I feel so disgusting. I've been purging as well, which I promised myself I wouldn't do anymore.
I have gained so much weight because of my stupid mental health problems. Now I am incapable of eating normally to lose weight. I'm so obsessed. I either restrict like crazy or binge like crazy.
This is going to make me sound like an awful person, but I just watched Sierra Burges is a loser (or whatever it's called) on netflix. I looked up her bmi and low and behold she is only 22. I have a bigger bmi than the 'fat girl' in a movie. By quite a bit.
It makes me hate my body so much. It makes me think I am delusional if I ever thought my body hadn't changed that much and I didn't look that overweight. I can't stop crying. I feel humiliated by the way I look.
But I can't stop binging.... it's insane. Why am I like this?!?!
[Sticky] Weekly Stats Update! September 10, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Sep 10 06:14:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9emju1/weekly_stats_update_september_10_2018/
---
This is the weekly status thread for September 10, 2018.
The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.
Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):
* Height:
* Current weight (CW):
* Highest weight (HW):
* Lowest weight (LW):
* Goal weight (GW):
* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):
* Weight lost (WL):
* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))
* Age:
* Gender expression:
Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:
* Height:
* CW:
* HW:
* LW:
* GW:
* UGW:
* WL:
* BMI:
* Age:
* Gender expression:
*****
Status threads are posted every Monday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! September 10, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Sep 10 06:14:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9emjsj/daily_food_diary_september_10_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for September 10, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
Pledge to not weigh myself for at least one week.
/u/bigteethsmallkiss
Created: Mon Sep 10 05:55:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9emetm/pledge_to_not_weigh_myself_for_at_least_one_week/
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Hi friends. Really struggling to find the balance between healthy weight loss and compulsive undereating. I've been on both ends of the eating spectrum, most recently binging, and trying to get that under wraps. I've been very restrictive the past few days and weighing myself multiple times a day.
I'm here pledging to all of you that I will not weigh myself for one week. I will not let my efforts to finding healthy behaviors become an obsession, and I am going to start with this. Feel free to join me if it would be helpful for you.
Take care. ❤️
I know I sound like a complete bitch, but I love this ad, it’s like my daily reminder not to eat a lot
/u/Jksaldf
Created: Mon Sep 10 05:51:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9emdza/i_know_i_sound_like_a_complete_bitch_but_i_love/
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https://i.redd.it/7djor54lgel11.jpg
[Tip] Posted this to r/loseit, someone suggested I share to here. Hope this is able to help someone.
/u/bigteethsmallkiss
Created: Mon Sep 10 05:17:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9em5fj/posted_this_to_rloseit_someone_suggested_i_share/
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https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/9eidq0/for_the_bingers_anticalorie_counters_or_obsessive/
[Rant/Rave] having a minor freakout because of some instant noodles
/u/death-crush [156 cm | 45.8 kg | BMI 18.8 | 19F]
Created: Mon Sep 10 03:34:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9elirk/having_a_minor_freakout_because_of_some_instant/
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so i went to the convenience store and got some coke zero, bouillon cubes and frozen veggies, and next to the bouillon i saw some instant noodles. those things are my guilty pleasure tbh - i know, i know, they're super unhealthy but i find them kind of comforting + i can never eat more than one a day so i don't have to worry about binging on them hahah.
they had spicy shrimp and beef, and i bought two of each. so i want to eat the shrimp one, and i look at the nutritional value and.... it's 60 cal/100g? and the package is just 60g.
so i'm like, isn't that really low? did they make a mistake? so i take out the other package, and nope, same value. i log it into mfp, and it's still 60 cal. then i compare them with the beef noodles, and those are 449 cal/100g. and i'm starting to freak out 'cause "how can the difference be so big? are those calories without the flavor packet? maybe they're calories for 10g? maybe they forgot a 0 and they're 600cal??"
i still ate them though, and uh in other news i'm def not eating anything else today hahah. does anyone else doubt calorie counts like this?
[Help] Advice on things to do during gap year aimed for recovery
/u/considerthepineapple
Created: Mon Sep 10 03:05:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9elcez/advice_on_things_to_do_during_gap_year_aimed_for/
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I am taking a year out of my studies to focus purely on recovery. It occurred to me over the summer break that I was actually using my course as a way to "cope" with no longer being allowed to exercise and as a form of distraction. This has been so difficult to admit so now I am left with a very uncertain year that I am unsure what to do with/during. I also feel like I have lost my whole identity.
**I would love some suggestions on how I could spend this time, in a way that will support my recovery. Anyone going through/gone through this? What did you do?**
*Current situation:*
I am waiting for my therapy to start sometime this month. It will be an hour a week once I start. I have a weekly drop-in group and fortnightly support group that I also attend for ED. I currently can't work or do voluntary work (I have a placement ready for when I am able to do this). I am not allowed to exercise at all (not even yoga). I am not currently following a meal plan (trying to create one causes huge amount of stress/anxiety to the point of crisis breakdown). I don't have a team per say, I had been getting treatment for my OCD which meant I wasn't allowed to also see the ED team, they also won't let me have a dietitian because my BMI is "healthy", despite my mind/thoughts/behaviours clearly being destructive to my day-to-day life. Money is incredibly tight and I can not afford to pay for private treatment.
[Other] just purged for the first time in months
/u/pringlesbutthole [6’|F|CW:112.2|BMI:14.6|20]
Created: Mon Sep 10 02:57:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9elafc/just_purged_for_the_first_time_in_months/
---
feeling pretty weird rn. my bf broke up with me back in june bc i started purging again (one of many reasons but that was the catalyst. long story, but he isn’t in the wrong for that). after that i was like, welp this is ruining my life time to stop!
i also haven’t been doing it bc my ThingTM with germs is getting worse. i literally wore a glove on my hand while i did it lmao.
i’m not really mad at myself. i just feel. weird about it? i used to do it every day multiple times a day last summer. then when i moved in with my bf i switched to restricting bc it was easier to hide than purging.
idk whatever i’m just feeling really weird about it and i kinda wish i hadn’t but. oh well lmao. :(
[Rant/Rave] “You’ve lost too much weight.” “Why are you getting so thin?”
/u/losemore [5'10" | BMI 20.2 | -48.5lb | 22F]
Created: Mon Sep 10 02:54:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9el9od/youve_lost_too_much_weight_why_are_you_getting_so/
---
I know I’ve ranted about this before in this sub. But HONESTLY. What the **FUCK** goes through someone’s head that makes them think it’s okay to comment MULTIPLE TIMES on someone’s weight?
The same shitty fucking coworkers (who are overweight), at least twice a week have some sort of comment on my weight and body. What are they wanting me to say? To turn around and reply, “Oh yeah Karen, it’s called eating less and exercising more, you should try it sometime and lay off the fucking doughnuts maybe, u lard xx”.
Honestly FUCK OFF with the projection of your own weight insecurities onto me?!
I go to work to do my job, and I just want to be left in peace. I’m not at an underweight BMI, and the comments just cause huge amounts of anxiety and are a daily reminder of how fat I used to be. The only time I will take into consideration a comment about my weight by a coworker is if it starts to effect my job performance. But until then.. get OFF my fucking dick.
Good vibes thread
/u/tentaclebarn
Created: Mon Sep 10 02:25:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9el42w/good_vibes_thread/
---
A thread for those of us who need a bit of positive cheering on (I know I need it this week haha!)
You can do this. If you failed yesterday, it’s a new day. You won’t lost all your progress in a few days off the bandwagon, and this sort of thing is never linear. Just take it one day at a time, one hour at a time. You’re not a failure or a bad person or greedy or stupid...you’re just living an extremely disciplined life in a world where the norm is lack of discipline.
Um excuse me, what.
/u/Aprikoosi_flex [5'9" | cw 127 | gw 117 | ugw 110 | 26F]
Created: Mon Sep 10 01:50:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ekxd3/um_excuse_me_what/
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Started taking flax oil with my vitamins and I’m loterally so gassy I feel like I’m going to break my toilet. My sweatpants were tight today before I exploded 😩😩 please tell me it will stop.
Drunk me can see the real me in the mirror
/u/kernalmustache [169cm ♀ | CW 105lbs | BMI 16.7 | SW 130lbs 🌸]
Created: Mon Sep 10 01:46:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ekwgk/drunk_me_can_see_the_real_me_in_the_mirror/
---
AND I am just so fricken tiny. Like I did not expect this! I've been eating over 1700 calories per day on average lately and I just haven't gained any weight. Not only that, but I wrapped my hands around me and I can feel *so many bones*. Like I am literally so thin, but sober me can never see it. Weird thing though, I wore my jeggings for the first time in a few months because they were so loose on me and I haven't gained any weight since the last time I wore them (thigh gap is at least as big as ever to boot) and they were barely loose on me. They fit well enough to just keep on wearing. ??? Like, how is that possible? I'm at my thinnest right now, jeggings from my heaviest weight shouldn't even come close to fitting me. They're certainly not tight, but they're also not hanging off me the way they used to. I mean, this is a good thing, I look great and I can wear my jeggings, it's just confusing. (I was still sober when I put them on and realized this. Figured they would look great with my sweater if they fit so I tried them on and they totally did.) Maybe I'm just finally on the brink of kicking my ED and my dysphoria. They both told me I was big for so long, and now I'm just not and I look great, and I think I can probably focus on recovery. I am already a high restricter, but I'm kinda planning on going higher still and making up for it with exercise. The next step is absolutely to tone my body and maybe get a bigger butt. I need yo maintain my weight from here. ALSO, I realized how many calories were in the alcohol I drank tonight and hardly even cared. I was basically just like whatever. Is that what being a normal person on a diet is like?
I constantly judge “fat” people for their weight... I feel guilty, though
/u/ivyse [5’ 10 | 150 | M (18)]
Created: Mon Sep 10 01:27:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eksd8/i_constantly_judge_fat_people_for_their_weight_i/
---
I’m not super thin or anything, but I’m not fat. I’d say right now I look “slim,” mostly because I’ve lost 55 lbs in the past few months. I can really only see the difference in pictures, but that’s my dysmorphia, lol. Anyways-
When I see an overweight person I immediately think “lol at least I’m stronger then that.” I feel bad about it right away, but it still happens. I even mentally talk shit about my normal weight friends- thinking “oh I have a flatter stomach then her” or “haha he doesn’t even have collarbones.”
I dunno. Just wondering if anyone else is the same way.
[Rant/Rave] Had my first Coke Zero. Holyyyyyy shiiiiiit guys
/u/xanmanorbartard
Created: Sun Sep 9 23:43:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ek45q/had_my_first_coke_zero_holyyyyyy_shiiiiiit_guys/
---
After I turned 16 I mostly cut out soda. Not for calorie reasons or even health reasons, it just kind of fell off of my radar and I got past the phase of "omg I have my own money I can buy junk food all the time."
On top of that (please don't murder me for this) I never liked the after taste of Diet Coke so I wasn't tempted to drink that either. In the three years since then I've had maybe 5 sodas in all.
I had a night class this week and needed that extra little boost to make it through without flagging, and grabbed a Coke Zero from a vending machine (also sprinted up a flight of stairs to the vending machine, woohoo more calories burned) and oh my godddddd
This is such a fucking game changer. It was so good I gasped when I had my first sip. I'm going to limit myself to one on the evening of my night class so I don't get into a serious habit but wowowowowow I get it now you guys I get the hype over diet soda!!!!!
[Rant/Rave] Out of control
/u/metaphoric_mayhem [5'6" | cw: 115 | 18.64 | gw: 105 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 9 23:36:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ek2sj/out_of_control/
---
Its 12:30am and I just ate 6 brownies after eating 2 with dinner and sampling ice cream at work. Yesterday I ate an entire box of extra toasty cheez-its. This happens every single night no matter how much I do or don't eat during the day.
This week is my first full week of my classes including time in an elementary school as a part of my degree. I wanted to make a good first impression but instead it's been weeks of night bingeing and I'm too scared to see what my weight is at.
I dont have the time or money to figure this out.
[Tip] Can we start a "binge shows not food" thread?
/u/spiderpockets [5'5 | a literal whale 🐋| 20F | GW 130/UGW 100]
Created: Sun Sep 9 23:34:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ek2i3/can_we_start_a_binge_shows_not_food_thread/
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With the new season of Atypical, I've been watching so intently that I've completed a whole fast with so much ease. I don't know if anyone else is like this, but when a show is just really good, I don't think about eating while I watch at all. I was wondering if y'all have any shows that are compelling enough to distract from food. If enough of you have them, we can swap shows and keep each other off of binges 😅
Has anyone here done the ABC diet?
/u/100618
Created: Sun Sep 9 23:33:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ek2ai/has_anyone_here_done_the_abc_diet/
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Hi, I think this is my first post on this account. I'm starting the ABC diet today, it's a 50 day diet with an average of 250 calories a day. Has anyone here completed it? How much did you lose?
[Tip] PSA protein shakes cost about $1 a shake and are really good for you and are really tasty, only 130 cals for 25g of protein
/u/kenakinns [5'5" |114.6 | 19.1 BMI |-24 lbs | Female]
Created: Sun Sep 9 23:33:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ek25q/psa_protein_shakes_cost_about_1_a_shake_and_are/
---
https://i.redd.it/75dbdvy3lcl11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] Another rant
/u/anxiety-and-theatre
Created: Sun Sep 9 23:27:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ek0ts/another_rant/
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My mom and dad fought today and it got pretty bad. My mom also kept calling me ungrateful and stuff like that even though I say thank you all the time. She is now determined to stop supporting me. Like straight up “I don’t care about any of your opinions. You’re doing everything yourself from now on” and I DIDNT FUCKING DO ANYTHING! I guess if she keeps not caring about me it’ll make it easier to kill myself if need be.
[Rant/Rave] when people complain about being petite
/u/sugarpiIl [5’5 • 177.5 • -25.1 lbs • F]
Created: Sun Sep 9 23:26:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ek0kq/when_people_complain_about_being_petite/
---
i get so upset
as someone who even at my LW could not achieve a small frame because i m not built that way i get so sad when people complain about being TOO small
i know we all have our insecurities but i know they would rather be small than fat and hearing them complain makes me feel super sick.
[Rant/Rave] Has a partner ever said something that destroyed your confidence?
/u/plaidbluejammies
Created: Sun Sep 9 23:25:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ek0cj/has_a_partner_ever_said_something_that_destroyed/
---
[removed]
being broke: the ultimate suppressant. lost my job of 5 years and burned through my savings. now i'm burning through my depression weight. :•)
/u/f0ool [5'5" | CW: 126 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 9 23:18:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ejyuw/being_broke_the_ultimate_suppressant_lost_my_job/
---
https://i.imgur.com/MuDi9cp.png
Anyone else got a pile of gum?
/u/Hairless_Human [6' | CW 142.8 | BMI 18.59 | WL -137.2 |M 21 ]
Created: Sun Sep 9 23:13:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ejxtd/anyone_else_got_a_pile_of_gum/
---
https://i.redd.it/kpniy7qmhcl11.jpg
What is the point of monos?
/u/lilmdjd [5'3 | CW: 135 | LW: 95 | GW 115 | 23F]
Created: Sun Sep 9 23:06:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ejw69/what_is_the_point_of_monos/
---
Why would you only eat one food? Is there a purpose or benefit To doing this? I’ve seen egg monos and maybe I could see them being beneficial just bc it is so low carb it kicks you into ketosis. But in theory... calories are calories? Idk I’m looking into it bc I’ve totally plateaud
[Other] so i saw someone post about that smooth move laxative tea in here the other day
/u/iamacrazycatlady
Created: Sun Sep 9 22:53:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ejt5o/so_i_saw_someone_post_about_that_smooth_move/
---
and god damn bitch.
that is all i have to say.
this is both dangerous and delightful knowledge you have given me.
[Rant/Rave] 20 Day Goal??
/u/penguinochu
Created: Sun Sep 9 22:38:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ejpn5/20_day_goal/
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So my dad, who’s the main person in the house who gets me to actually eat, is going to Greece tomorrow for 20 days and leaving me at home with my mom and sister. Which means I can skip as many meals as I want without getting yelled at! How many pounds can a person realistically even lose in 20 days? Time to find out if I can actually control myself.
[Help] I had 3600 calories
/u/Nutellapples
Created: Sun Sep 9 21:48:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ejeb3/i_had_3600_calories/
---
I am having a fucking panic attack right now . Oh my God. Idk what to do holy shit.
There's nothing I love more than when the store brand version has fewer calories the the real thing
/u/J0_f0_sh0 [5'2 | CW117.6 | -16.4 | GW115 | F21]
Created: Sun Sep 9 21:34:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ejbbu/theres_nothing_i_love_more_than_when_the_store/
---
Slightly Freaking Out
/u/ButtSteak69
Created: Sun Sep 9 21:34:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ejb6h/slightly_freaking_out/
---
I don't know if any of you have been put on Phentermine before, but my doctor put me on it to help me get to a normal BMI while taking thyroid meds. I took it for three months straight and barely had an appetite! It was like a dream for me. Never got hunger pangs, I could fast all day, and basically it just fed my ED that much more.
But then I got taken off of it... And the hunger was fierce. :( More hungry than I had ever been in my life. The past month has been really rough, and I have just been dowing coffee and water to try and avoid any hunger from appearing. Plus I started a new job where I can't really hide the fact I'm not eating. Ugh. Just ranting. Thanks for being the one place I trust to go to with this.
[Discussion] I am thinking about why I might have problems with bingeing/why I generally only eat indulgent food.
/u/throwawaysilentcurt [5'5" | CW:127 | GW:105 | lost -72 | 20M]
Created: Sun Sep 9 21:25:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ej94r/i_am_thinking_about_why_i_might_have_problems/
---
I spend about half the time bingeing uncontrollably and half the time starving myself to make up for it..
When I binge I feel like I can't stop. I don't enjoy food at all really and I often will eat something half-cooked because I can't wait anymore, even if it's gross. Also just random combinations of food- last night I mixed chai concentrate and egg whites on the stove with a piece of stale white bread. I'd have eaten anything- I couldn't wait long enough to go out and get food. BUT I also feel this pressure, when I'm not in the middle of a binge, to ONLY eat my favorite foods. I am SO uncomfortable eating anything that I won't love- it just doesn't seem "worth the calories" to eat an apple because I'm not getting everything I can out of the traumatic experience of eating... or something?
My parents both had eating disorders and I always associated food with shame. They both mocked fat people and people who ate junk food, really looked down on them. Someone told me a story about how when I was like 5 I mocked some kid for eating a non-organic snack. My parents also restricted what kinds of food I could eat, with no wiggle room. I NEVER ate candy, had soda, ate chips or white bread or normal cereal. And of course it's good to limit these things with kids, but I actually didn't try soda until I was 16. I only had candy on halloween and even then it was limited to one piece a week or something (a bag of halloween candy always lasted until it went bad). I would go crazy if I went to a friend's house who had cheez-its. When my family went out to eat, my dad would act disgusted with us if we even asked if we could have fries, like we'd asked to eat 12 sticks of butter. Occasionally he'd say yes and just act extremely disgusted by us and be very passive aggressive, or actually mad. Usually he just said no though.
I would go down to the kitchen in the middle of the night and sneak food. My siblings do/did this too. I'd eat slices of bread, scoops of protein powder, bags of frozen food, handfuls of dry cereal, and, most of all, sugar. I have memories of being very young and desperately shoving raw sugar into my mouth with my hands in the middle of the night. This forbidden thing, just out of reach, except when I could steal it. I stayed at my grandparents house once and tried to drink a bottle of chocolate syrup in the middle of the night but threw up. Who knew when I'd get the chance again?
When I was 13 or so my mom started trying to get me movie auditions, and would talk about my weight (and her own) constantly. She said I was beautiful and perfect but also would talk about the specific numbers of my weight a lot and how I'd have more success if I was skinnier. She was mostly trying to get me this role of an anorexic girl in some movie (I didn't get it lol). I should note that I was underweight and people often thought I was sick.
When I got my driver's license, everything changed. Every single day I ate like I was going to die the next day. I spent ALL my money on food. Each day at lunch I'd eat a pint of B&Js, 3 tacos from chipotle, and a bag of doritos. Also just candy, constantly. Every day for 2 years. I went from 100lbs to 200lbs my junior year of high school.
Eventually, three or four years ago, I came out as trans and transitioned, and felt a lot more comfortable and relaxed in my body, started testosterone, and lost like 70 pounds. But the feeling never really left. I'm only starting to put it into words recently but I do eat like it's my last meal every time I eat- and then starve so it doesn't make me fat. The only meals I choose are palak paneer, cheeseburgers, mac and cheese, and cereal. I just can't "justify" spending calories on anything else. And I eat those things whenever I am offered them. I've never passed them up. My kid brain is just thinking "when am I going to have this chance again?" I guess.
[Other] but people have it worse...
/u/w-i-l-d-flower [5’7” | CW 118 | GW 110 | 24F ]
Created: Sun Sep 9 21:21:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ej86r/but_people_have_it_worse/
---
that line is so toxic, and yet it’s the thing i say to myself the most.
like when my therapist asked if i would consider treatment for my ED - of course my response was that “it’s not that bad” “i’m doing better” or “i ate today”
even if it was a lie
someone else deserves treatment more
and besides.. i’m surviving just fine (right?)
i know i’m not ready to face the facts. if i accept treatment then i’m accepting that i truly have this demon
where do i go from here
Haven't seen my cousin in years, one of the first things she said was "damn you used to be skinny, you blew up. what happened?"
/u/ittajii
Created: Sun Sep 9 21:19:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ej7o7/havent_seen_my_cousin_in_years_one_of_the_first/
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Lordddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd.
My cousins were talking about their bodies (one super skinny, one big) and the skinny one turned to me and said "Didn't you used to be skinny? Damn you blew up" I was like "haha yeah" ready to kms obvs. She said "was it stress eating?" I said "no I guess I just been treating myself too much" she said "yeah seems like you been treating yourself every day"
:) :) :) :) :) :) :)
Skills I learned in treatment...
/u/lilmdjd [5'3 | CW: 135 | LW: 95 | GW 115 | 23F]
Created: Sun Sep 9 21:17:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ej76e/skills_i_learned_in_treatment/
---
The irony of being taught how to urge surf in treatment and using it to avoid eating 😂 tbh, I think a lot of the skills I learned it treatment I have twisted into benefitting my eating disorder. Like, positive self talk is way more effective at motivating me. And being less extreme and black/white thinker means much less binging.
Triggering music?
/u/ohwhoaa [5'11"| CW 119.6lbs | GW 115lbs | BMI16.90 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 9 21:16:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ej71s/triggering_music/
---
I legit cannot watch any of Ariana Grandes music videos. The ‘Side to Side’ video especially because she looks PERFECT. She’s so tiny I just stare with jealousy. Love her music but cannot watch her lol. Anybody else have musicians they avoid?
[Other] Peach!
/u/redhotjillypepper [5'6"|105|F21|HW:127|]
Created: Sun Sep 9 21:15:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ej6po/peach/
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Hi! some very helpful people just told me about the Peach app and I have just joined it. I'm hoping to make some friends in this sub on there! My peach is the same as my reddit user. please add me!
I have a doctors appointment tomorrow
/u/eughfuckthat
Created: Sun Sep 9 20:54:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ej1fl/i_have_a_doctors_appointment_tomorrow/
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So I’m basically obese and my biggest fear is the doctors :/ I’ve had ED issues for as long as I can remember ranging from restriction, B/P, etc so my weight has fluctuated quite a lot. Right now I’m at an all time high and I’m so terrified my doctor is going to say something about it
I want to quit already
/u/skinntylegend
Created: Sun Sep 9 20:54:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ej1eh/i_want_to_quit_already/
---
On mobile pls tag this as rant/rave
anywAYS im forcing myself into self recovery after having strong paranoia about my hair falling out- ive been noticing more hair in my comb when i brush my hair but i honeslty dont know if thats coincidental at this point.. it wouldnt be that much of a big deal except I spend a shit ton of money on my hair, like $250 every 6 weeks to get it looking legit white (think Khaleesi from game of thrones), and thats where i draw the line
Ive been restricting for about 6 months with a handful of “cheat days” sprinkled here and there, and I can only imagine the damage i’ve been doing to my body along the way :/ i know im doing myself a favor but its so mentally exhausting
on the bright side im getting to the point where im finally happy with my body but i stiillll want to lose like 10 more lbs - so i thought i could HEALTHILY restrict to get me there, but after a full day of eating 1100 calories and attempting to weight train i want to quit and go back to my old ways sigh. why is this so hard 😞
[Rant/Rave] fasted for what?
/u/nervousyoungbean [5’2 | cw 98 | ugw 85 | f]
Created: Sun Sep 9 20:44:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eiyxn/fasted_for_what/
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i finished a 72 hour fast today and i was looking forward to eating a cauliflower crust pizza with a friend (he was making his own food so i could have my own special meal). i made the pizza exactly the way the package described the crust comes out soggy, i spill nearly half a container of black pepper over one side of the pizza, and somehow none of the vegetables cooked. so i threw the pizza out. it wasn’t worth the calories even though it only came out to about 600 for the whole thing and it wasn’t worth eating even though my hunger pangs were really bad in the last twelve hours. it’s so immature and i could have easily eaten something else but i’m so pissed and i don’t feel like i even deserve food after that. well—here goes another 72 hour fast!
[Rant/Rave] Terrible haircut is making me want to die
/u/CS191
Created: Sun Sep 9 20:30:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eiuts/terrible_haircut_is_making_me_want_to_die/
---
I spent weeks hyping myself up about getting my hair cut when I got back to my lowest weight. It’s the shortest I’ve ever gone (right above my shoulders) and I had some good pictures and a clear idea of what I wanted. I was going to go to my favourite salon yesterday, but I was fucking 0.2 kg away from my lowest and it felt like cheating to go before I saw that number . And so today I went to another salon because my favourite is closed on Sunday and they butchered my poor head.
I look like shit, 10 times more than usual. There seems to be nothing I can do to make this suck less, and I can’t even tie it back to hide how bad it is. I wasted so much money on this shitty haircut, and somehow this seems like a punishment for not losing enough weight fast enough. So now I’m in bed crying because I look like shit.
This morning I was feeling happy and confident for the first time in ages, and I actually liked how I looked leaving the house. I was so excited for this and now I want to crawl into a hole and die. I have a horrible haircut that manages to be puffy and flat at the same time, in the worst places, and I feel like this is some divine sign that I’ll never be good enough, or look good enough, or feel good enough.
I don’t think there’s any advice that would make me feel better, but I wanted to let everything out.
[Other] Staying under 900 tomorrow
/u/lemonpepperfresh
Created: Sun Sep 9 20:23:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eit03/staying_under_900_tomorrow/
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Posting this here because I feel way worse disappointing other people than myself lol. I've already got everything cooked and packaged for tomorrow, so I'm feeling pretty confident. Wish me luck.
[Other] Just joined peach! i want some ed friends haha
/u/tarynughhh
Created: Sun Sep 9 20:13:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eiq8c/just_joined_peach_i_want_some_ed_friends_haha/
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let’s vent about our problems together :) i’m @skinnylegendtaryn
[Rant/Rave] I ate a maintenance the last two days
/u/comrade_toastboy [65" | CW 119| GW 110 | UGW 105 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 9 19:49:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eik27/i_ate_a_maintenance_the_last_two_days/
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Tomorrow I’m fasting and then after that I’m starting 2468. Hopefully this gets me thin fast. I wanna lose weight by the time i go home later this month.
On a side note I contacted some ED therapists, so we’ll see how that goes.
[Goal] last cigarette!!
/u/problemproblem420 [5'6'' | 122 | 19.7 | 19F]
Created: Sun Sep 9 19:34:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eigb7/last_cigarette/
---
hi i am mostly posting this here to hold myself accountable--since i am doing so poorly with my ED i decided i will quit smoking and do something good for my health :) i just had my last cigarette EVER. yay me :) sorry for the fluff post but im so happy right now.
if you're struggling with your ED and can't deal with it right now i suggest finding another unhealthy habit to kick!!!!! it feels fucking good!!!! <3 :)
Loneliness... again
/u/redhotjillypepper [5'6"|105|F21|HW:127|]
Created: Sun Sep 9 19:17:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eic43/loneliness_again/
---
I made a similar post last week. The same problem still persists. All my friends Ive had since the start of college moved away at the end of last year. This is my second weekend of my Junir year of college and it's been a cycle of go to parties/get drunk/try to make friends with drunk people/fail/hate myself.
I have a club and some people that live out of town but irl I have no one.
All I want is a small group fo people who give a shit. Like I used to have. But now theres no one. I leave my apartment to go to class, eat, and to look for friendship. None of it feels worth it.
The only thing that gives me a boost these days is losing weight
[Discussion] 2 day binge damage control??
/u/gabebega
Created: Sun Sep 9 19:06:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ei9da/2_day_binge_damage_control/
---
So on friday I was happy that my skirt was loose...I have been restricting a lot these days and it’s working. BUT THEN I FUCKING BINGED ON SATURDAY AND TODAY. ok. I have fasted before and my record is 3 days. If I go about 5 days only drinking water....maybe I will be ok? I am so scared now, like i will wake up super fat
Can anyone relate or is this just me?
/u/cutetinytroll
Created: Sun Sep 9 18:51:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ei5vm/can_anyone_relate_or_is_this_just_me/
---
Anytime I get drunk or high I become very intensely aware of my the fat on my body and it becomes extremely uncomfortable to sit in any position because of how disgusting I feel. Lol anyone else? I should probably just not drink with friends anymore bc it always happens
[Other] Just a post to say
/u/-PM-ME-NICE-THINGS- [5"2 | CW: 51kg | BMI: 20.6 | Ortho]
Created: Sun Sep 9 18:43:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ei3s0/just_a_post_to_say/
---
You guys are honestly amazing :) and no, I'm not being sarcastic! I've yet to come across another sub that is as friendly, supportive and caring as this one.
I love a scrolling through your comments, the way you cheer each other on and offer advice and genuine sympathy. The humour on here is great the judgement is nonexistent.
So what I'm *trying* to say is that although I'm a lurker and not overly active, I do love coming on here. You guys make this subreddit what it is and I thank you for that
dear halo top, i’m sorry for thinking you tasted like shit. i was actually just eating you wrong this entire mf time.
/u/congratty
Created: Sun Sep 9 18:42:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ei3j3/dear_halo_top_im_sorry_for_thinking_you_tasted/
---
https://i.redd.it/zkel77w85bl11.jpg
[Help] I fucking sharted today
/u/staticphat [Height: 5'3 | CW: Jabba the Hutt | GW: Bikini Leia]
Created: Sun Sep 9 18:42:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ei3fg/i_fucking_sharted_today/
---
I see a lot of posts about sharting in the ED community but this is the first time it’s happened to me. Wtf I feel so gross also how do I fix this
[Rant/Rave] It’s been a good week for milestones, but I just feel anxious
/u/1354267
Created: Sun Sep 9 18:38:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ei2df/its_been_a_good_week_for_milestones_but_i_just/
---
Yesterday 2 people called me skinny. Today I was shopping for clothes, and I saw a pair of jeans that were the perfect color, but definitely too small (size 2). I took them just in case, and they’re the only pair that wasn’t loose. I have a feeling it’s vanity sizing, but it’s calvin klein so I don’t know how much their sizing differs from reality, but it said the waist was a 26. I don’t know guys, this doesn’t feel real. I still see the same girl in the mirror who never fit into any jeans. I pulled a bunch of size 4’s and all of them were big. That’s never happened? Jeans don’t tend to fit me because my measurements are funky, but the size 2 wasn’t even super high waisted and it fit. I’m kind of shocked. I just feel like I need to keep going to reach my goals.
I start a new job tomorrow, so hopefully I’ll be on my feet all day and burning a lot more calories. I always lose a lot faster when I work in a situation that has me standing and walking all day.
[Rant/Rave] My weight has been the same for a month:(
/u/linedryonly [5'5"♀| CW 133 | SW 145 | LW 102 | GW 110]
Created: Sun Sep 9 18:26:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ehzjh/my_weight_has_been_the_same_for_a_month/
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During a period of high stress, I was in a terrible binging cycle and gained 8kg in 6months. It was horrible and took me a while to dig myself out. Starting about a month ago, I stopped binging, started walking at least an hour a day, and started limiting carbs. My weight won't budge! I'm exactly 61.3kg every morning and it's killing me to see that number every morning.
I know that stopping binging doesn't guarantee weight loss (it only means I stopped actively gaining weight). But I used to be anorexic and I was used to losing .2kg on the scale every day. It's just really frustrating to not see the number move. It's giving me crazy anxiety. I hate this. /rant.
[Other] Anyone in the LA/OC area be interested in being part of a student film?
/u/trappedinaclub
Created: Sun Sep 9 18:07:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ehul9/anyone_in_the_laoc_area_be_interested_in_being/
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Alright so long story short I’m a film student specializing in documentary production and after going through my own struggles with an ed I really wanna do my next project about like the realities of eating disorders buuttttt I need one or two people to interview that would want to talk about their struggles and share their story, anyone of any size/ethnicity/disorder etc. If anyone here would be interested let me know here or send me a message and I can tell you more about it!!! If this post violates any rules I’m sorry 😐
[Help] URGENT please help!!!
/u/BEDBulimic [153cm | CW: 55.8 | GW1: 55 | -8.2 | 20F]
Created: Sun Sep 9 17:52:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ehqqv/urgent_please_help/
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- I woke up from sleeping this morning at 6am because I felt like I had to diarrhoea (which is fair enough since I had a very strong black coffee before sleeping and hadn’t pooped last night).
- As soon as I stood up out of bed, this huge wave of nausea hit me and I felt super super light-headed.
-I tottered to the toilet, and without using fingers, my body started purging up this extremely acidic, clear, light green liquid???
- I did end up poopin too lol, then went back to bed with extra pillows because I still felt nauseous lying down, but woke at 8am again to vomit up the sour stuff again.
For context, yesterday
- fasted til 3pm: tuna, lettuce, avocado, brie, 1 pickle
- 6pm: had my black coffee with sweetener
- 10pm: lil extra brie, peanuts and 1 sweet potato which I immediately purged
Wtf is wrong with me??? This is the biggest mia related health scare I’ve had... did I give myself GORD? Fuck my anxiety is through the roof I’m shaking writing this
[Tip] Instant oat chocolate cookies! (25 cal each)
/u/CrushedOats
Created: Sun Sep 9 17:39:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ehne0/instant_oat_chocolate_cookies_25_cal_each/
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https://i.redd.it/wub003kxtal11.jpg
[Help] FEELING SICK, CAN SOMEONE HELP ME?
/u/gabebega
Created: Sun Sep 9 17:31:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ehlds/feeling_sick_can_someone_help_me/
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Guys, I binged really really hard today. I am not even feeling worried so much about the weight. I am worried about my health. I am feeling so sick right now, I ate so much garbage and there's a lot of food still..I can feel my stomach exploding. I am super bloated. My heart is racing. I am feeling really scared. And also weird of all this food shit I mean it's not hunger it's pure anxiety....and all this food at once after weeks of heavy restricting is putting my body under so much pressure. WHY DO I DO THIS? WHY DO I HURT MYSELF SO MUCH? I could have had a normal nice Sunday. I could have eaten normally...butno I just ordered a burger fries pizza candy...........Iam hurting so bad, don't wanna puke because it's going to hurt a lot :( I wanna start therapy, I can't take this anymore.
Actually way less hungry on IF
/u/mks_993
Created: Sun Sep 9 16:52:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ehbbf/actually_way_less_hungry_on_if/
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Just thought I’d share - I recently started intermittent fasting, and I find that the hype around having more energy and less hunger is legit!
I do 16:8 and eat between the hours of 10am and 6pm. I still count calories of course, but sometimes when 10am rolls around I’m really not even hungry, and I find that I can go through the day on snacks here and there and be totally fine when I go to sleep.
Anybody else have experiences on IF?
[Help] Not feeling too much of an effect from ECA stack, am I doing something wrong?
/u/sunnshine67 [5'4 vampire | CW 137.2 | 23.7 | -27.8 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 9 16:46:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eh9yt/not_feeling_too_much_of_an_effect_from_eca_stack/
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I take a 25 mg Bronkaid and a 200 mg caffeine pill with a baby aspirin but I don’t really feel much? Like I get some energy for about 20 minutes and then it kind of mellows out, and it doesn’t help with appetite suppression all that much. Should I be changing my dosage? I also only take a stack once a day, usually around 1 pm since I will have a meal at night
[Intro] I’m back.
/u/taiteisnotcool [5'8 | 120.5 | 18.3 | -28 | Female]
Created: Sun Sep 9 16:41:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eh8fh/im_back/
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It’s been almost four months since my second hospital admission, from 119 to somewhere around 130, and still miserable. I just graduated IOP last Thursday and am back in school for my junior year of high school almost 10 pounds higher than I was freshman year, taking tons of courses to make up for the fact that my sophomore year I only got one credit after missing all of my finals while being sick in the hospital for a whole month. 79 days ago I said goodbye to r/proed and for the third time I’m back. Maybe this time I’ll finally get to my ugw.
Opened up to a friend about my anxieties over food related social events. The next day she invited me to breakfast in front of two people.
/u/Gyuu
Created: Sun Sep 9 16:39:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eh7w3/opened_up_to_a_friend_about_my_anxieties_over/
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I know it’s crazy to be upset over a friend wanting to have breakfast together, but I was so hurt. I thought someone would finally understand me after I opened up to this friend the other night. I told her how uncomfortable it makes me when I can’t weigh and measure my food, how I wish that we could spend more time together but I was afraid to ask her to hang out because every social event involved food.
She told me that she understood and that we could do activities together like drawing or studying, which made me so happy! But the NEXT FUCKING MORNING, she invited me to a restaurant in front of two other people, putting me in a really uncomfortable position where I couldn’t say no because I already admitted to being free all day. So I went, ate something like 700 calories (I have no self control at restaurants) and felt like shit.
I feel hurt and frustrated and like I’ll never be able to have a normal social life. This sucks.
[Help] How can I fry something and make it low-calorie?
/u/hypothermi_a
Created: Sun Sep 9 16:35:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eh6ve/how_can_i_fry_something_and_make_it_lowcalorie/
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Is it possible? I’m buying mealworms (great protein and low fat! Don’t judge me lmao) and I want them crunchy! I’m not looking for much of a taste outside of the worms’ flavor. I’ll also be doing this to various other insects as part of my diet, like crickets, grasshoppers, and maybe some ants. I know of the precautions to take before consuming any sort of bug, so I don’t get a disease or parasite.
TMI but small weight gain from no BM?
/u/edthrowaway12121
Created: Sun Sep 9 16:26:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eh4f6/tmi_but_small_weight_gain_from_no_bm/
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Has anyone else experienced this?
I’ve been restricting to a T for days and have avoided weighing myself because usually when I reach a goal, I binge for some reason.
But today I weighed after 2 days and instead of weighing the same, I actually GAINED 0.6...
I’m freaking out. I tried to weigh out all of my options. I haven’t had a BM for about 2 days after being pretty regular, could that be it? I know that it’s a small amount of weight but it makes me want to cry given I was expecting to see at least a .2 loss... never mind a gain...
It’s gonna take all my strength not to binge because of this.
Being poor makes my ED worse
/u/dogsquad420 [5''9 | CW: 179.4 | HW: 190 | GW: 175 | UGW: 150 | 21F]
Created: Sun Sep 9 16:15:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eh1mr/being_poor_makes_my_ed_worse/
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I can't afford much food, which was great at first because it gave me a kick to lose some pounds. But since i'm so broke, healthy/low cal things are harder to afford and i have to take advantage of whatever food i can get. I'm eating the free pizza at work, buying cheap fast food, and i hate it.
​
Easier with friends
/u/random8012
Created: Sun Sep 9 16:13:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eh11e/easier_with_friends/
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I’ve always struggled with my weight and binging, but I found it a lot easier to make progress toward my goal weight when I was dating a girl whose body was true thinspo. Watching us together in the mirror was so hot! Being with her helped me replace binging with going to the gym, but I’ve lost discipline since we broke up. I guess I do best when I have accountability to someone, because she’d see the improvement I made to myself in the gym and could tell when I had restricted for a while and lost my most stubborn fat.
Has anyone had a similar experience? Is this healthy or am I deluding myself?
[Rant/Rave] I’m proud of myself
/u/TumericTea [5'4 | 143 | 24.5 | gw1: 120|18F]
Created: Sun Sep 9 15:50:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9egur6/im_proud_of_myself/
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I’ve never had this much willpower before. I’ve been eating under 1,000 calories this past week every day and today I’m gonna make it under 800. I leave for college in 10 days and I know I’m gonna feel so much better looking the way I do :)
How's your day going?
/u/Tatytat24
Created: Sun Sep 9 15:33:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9egq25/hows_your_day_going/
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I called out of work today because I'm still sh*ting my brains out from the laxatives I took. I feel like a POS for letting my coworkers down.
So i'm currently drinking black coffee (hoping to poop even more) and reading Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson.
How's your day going?
What excuse can I make to delay this date?
/u/mks_993
Created: Sun Sep 9 15:16:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eglaw/what_excuse_can_i_make_to_delay_this_date/
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This is probably going to sound completely ridiculous, but I matched with this guy on tinder and he asked me out, but I want to wait until next week bc I just want to lose a littttle bit more weight to reach my next goal and I will feel so much more confident.
So... in the event that he asks me out and proposes this week/weekend, what could I say to be like “I can’t this week but I’m free next week!”
I mean.. I realize I could literally say just that, but I feel weird not giving an explanation. I was going to say I’m going home for a wedding, but damn tinder shows your location in relation to your match’s. Ugh.
Any ideas?
Opposite end of the spectrum. Eating a lot.
/u/13and200lbs
Created: Sun Sep 9 14:56:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9egfc6/opposite_end_of_the_spectrum_eating_a_lot/
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https://i.imgur.com/h1jELlz.jpg
[Goal] F // 163lbs // 5’4 // GW: 130 // UGW: 115 // iMessage buddy? Or iMessage group?
/u/rayodelunalele
Created: Sun Sep 9 14:34:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eg8x8/f_163lbs_54_gw_130_ugw_115_imessage_buddy_or/
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[removed]
Does anyone else have physically demanding jobs?
/u/finnkat [5'3 | 90lbs | 16.4 | 19f]
Created: Sun Sep 9 14:25:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eg6dh/does_anyone_else_have_physically_demanding_jobs/
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I work in the dairy section of a superstore so I spend most of my 8 hour work days throwing around milk crates, pulling giant carts, and carrying heavy crates of eggs. It doesn't honestly seem like much but my muscles hurt and I feel like I burn more calories with this job than at my last retail job where I mainly just walked around and folded clothes. I've also been trying to eat less while I work here, I usually eat something small before work, oatmeal or a yogurt, nothing for lunch, then a bowl of cereal after work. Logically, I know that eating less and doing more will make me weaker and more tired, but the other day I had to go on break early and eat something because I almost passed out and I feel like a failure. Again, logically it makes sense (plus I'm on my period which doesn't help anything) but emotionally I feel like shit.
bed & ana - help stop bingeing
/u/menswear98
Created: Sun Sep 9 14:24:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eg67x/bed_ana_help_stop_bingeing/
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i suffer from both bed and anorexia and it’s awful enough anyway but i’m constantly invalidating myself because those two are literally polar opposites it feels impossible for me to have both. most of the time i restrict/fast so barely eat but a few other times i’ll binge and eat everything. does anyone have any tips to stop bingeing?? i know neither of these are healthy but i’m still overweight and frankly i’d rather stop bingeing than my other habits
For those who are naturally on the thin (but not skinny side), what is your ideal BMI and how are you getting there?
/u/theworldinagrain
Created: Sun Sep 9 14:19:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eg4rp/for_those_who_are_naturally_on_the_thin_but_not/
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Hi,
So I'm just a smidge over 5'2 and currently 108 lbs, but would love to get down to 98-100 (which is around the 18.5 bmi cut off under the NEW bmi calculator which takes into account height). I'm not looking to be severely underweight, and want to maintain lean muscle, just eliminate most fat. Whenever I tell regular people that I want to slim down more (because I'm already "slim") they say it would be unhealthy. However, I've seen plenty of healthy women my height at much lower weights still strong and healthy looking, and I have a small frame too so any extra weight stands out on me.
Have any of you lowered your BMI starting at around 20 to 18 or so? I've never been overweight, but I just want to be thinner without looking unhealthy. I just hate extra fat on my thighs and upper arms, even though I have a thin waist and am like a size 0... just don't feel thin.
Thanks!
scary new world of b/p
/u/lonelycatgirl69
Created: Sun Sep 9 14:17:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eg3xq/scary_new_world_of_bp/
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Hi i've never posted here but I'm feeling really down right now so thought I'd just vent. I've had disordered eating for a while now. It started when I started eating and exercising. I lost 30 pounds the healthy way and was a normal weight. I began mildly restricting but would have massive binges. Slowly that turned into chew and spit.
Now I've been b/p for a couple months. at first i was like yes, i finally made myself throw up (tried throughout my youth multiple times) it began as once a week, then twice, now 3-4x/week which i know isn't even a lot for some. I can't stop, I keep saying no, not this day, give yourself at least a week but it happens again.
I'm scared. I've read about how purging is a game of russian roulette, you can die the first time you purge or the 500th you never know, etc.
I've just gone and done it again. still covered in and stinking of vomit. my chest is tight. i'm crying. i just want to eat healthy, exercise. i;ve done it before why does it feel impossible now. the short high i get from buying or making my binge food isn't worth the way i feel afterwards. filthy, disgusting, wasteful, fat. and me, a piece of shit, still wants to eat sometimes afterwards.
even worse is i know i'm not losing weight because i'll eat normally then binge and purge. i know for a fact i'm not getting everything out. basically doing double damage/ i just needed to vent
[Rant/Rave] Coworker said I have no ass
/u/thingsarestranger [5’2” | CW:123.9 | GW1:115 | SW:160 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 9 14:02:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9efznt/coworker_said_i_have_no_ass/
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Fuck my feelings got hurt today. My coworker was talking about how her sister was bulimic and recovered so she went from skinny to “thick” and then she says when she was in high school she got obsessed w the gym and lost a lot of weight. “I looked really skinny like you except I had an ass” and I was just like aha. Then she goes “not that you have no ass but you know what I mean girl” like yah you rly just said I have no ass lmao tf don’t try and cover your shit. Then she goes on to say how she started eating more bc she wanted to get thick and now she’s happy with her body but would like to lose weight but her man won’t let her bc he likes her thick. I was biting my tongue the whole time. Yeah I’d have a fat ass if I was overweight like you like don’t tell me I have no ass I have a perky gym booty sorry I’m not fat 🤷🏻♀️ she’s got like 70 pounds on me no shit your ass is fat your everything is fat. I hate when women act like they’re better than you bc they’re too lazy to work out and eat less; anyone can be “thick” it takes literally zero effort. Meanwhile I’m over here trying to get a nice lean fit body like abs and everything. I don’t WANT my ass to be huge. I want a nice butt but nice =\= big. Sorry just had to rant bc I was getting no-butt hurt
Still obese by 0.4 lbs
/u/GQJohnDoe
Created: Sun Sep 9 14:00:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9efywl/still_obese_by_04_lbs/
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I’ve been weighing myself religiously. Haven’t calculated my BMI though. Didn’t want to know. :( But I should be tracking that, too. Have had good days all this week. As of this morning, 30.0, just ~0.4 lbs above being simply “overweight.” (Which is equally unacceptable, but, it’s a linear progression...) I have the day’s intake planned and it should be alright. I hope to start the week in a new BMI tier. WML!! (How did I let myself go like this?!?!)
triggered by grindr - again *ramble*
/u/fentyways
Created: Sun Sep 9 13:52:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9efwlb/triggered_by_grindr_again_ramble/
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hey queens so ive been in recovery for a while i guess just as some background and i have huge issues with any kind of intimacy or relationships bc of my ISSUES (internalized homophobia, anorexia, body dysmorphia, whatever) anyway i usually kind of mentally block myself from the idea of having a sexual/emotional relationship but today i felt the urge and wanted to try it so i opened up grindr again (first mistake) and then this guy who i was attracted to but was out of my league (super fit) messaged me so we talked. then he asked for pics (other than my face) which i sent to which he responded: "sorry im looking for fit or skinny" at which point i deleted my account. idk why i ever thought someone could find me attractive. ive made this mistake so many times. i dont want to eat anymore but i dont want to relapse in ed or self harm. im so dumb sometimes....
I’m deciding to join the peach community! Anyone whanna be friends?
/u/chrysanthemym [she/her // queer // fuckin' pear shaped]
Created: Sun Sep 9 13:49:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9efvmf/im_deciding_to_join_the_peach_community_anyone/
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Hey everyone -
I’m deciding to join the Peach Community here too after having several people reccomend it.
I adore this community so much because everyone’s so kind, sweet, genuine, and so forth and I’m glad to join some of you guys on peach.
A little info about me, I’m at 21 year old girl, vegan, and currently losing weight. (Hopefully to get to my first gw of 115lbs). I love music (especially the 1975, the nbhd, our girl, wolf alice, iron & wine, and more).
I’d be open to being friends with anyone and everyone! I’m a little bit of a introvert so, honestly, being able to make friends (especially those that understand the struggles of eating disorders) means so much to me.
Once we add, feel free to reach out and talk! I’m always happy to be friends.
My 🍑 username’s : chrysanthemvm
[Rant/Rave] Constant Distractions are great.
/u/ghostlythin [61.25” | CW 98.4 | BMI 18.4]
Created: Sun Sep 9 12:55:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9efg11/constant_distractions_are_great/
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Even with a binge this week, I’ve ate at a deficit for 6/7 days AND have technically lost a pound this week (I count deficits. I’m also short, taking weight loss slow, and have school to focus on. Don’t judge me lol.)
Im still in high school, with college classes Monday thru Thursday, so school during the week keeps me busy and I have a catch-up/essay day on Friday. I’m working at Walmart on the weekends, so that’ll keep me busy, AND I can take walks outside now that it isn’t 80+ freaking degrees out!!!
Also have a list of tv shows I’m going to binge in my free time this year: House M.D., Skins, Red Band Society, and I’ve heard starving in suburbia is kind of stupid but I hope it’s still triggering??? (I’ll take recommendations too.)
To top it all off, restricting during fall-spring just seems easier to me? I’m more motivated to look skinny under layers of clothes- I use to have a thigh gap with two thick layers on, and I’m DETERMINED to get back to that. There’s something about fall and winter aesthetics, seasonal drinks and outfits, and impending food holidays that just make me want to restrict. And with everything going on in my life right now, restricting is so easy. Anyone else?
How to communicate with family??
/u/damnitjanet6 [5"5'| BMI 25 | -45.7lbs| 🍑 damnitjanet6 | 20F]
Created: Sun Sep 9 12:36:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9efa7i/how_to_communicate_with_family/
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Does anyone else have family who are lovely half the time, and the most triggering, insensitive fucks the other half? After my supreme binge today, I was trying to talk to my mum about my problems. I told her everything I ate, and she said I'd make myself sick eating like that. No shit. That's why I'm saying I have a problem. I told her I think I have a binge eating disorder and my dad says he thinks that's complete and utter bullshit. He tried to make me go for a walk, saying that I was just being lazy today. I have been for a walk every single day for the past three months or so. I hate myself so much today I just want to be left alone and not move. He says I just need to exercise more (I walk at least 8 miles a day on a regular day) and "eat more balanced meals" fuck off i just told you i think i have an eating disorder that's not in any way a helpful response.
so how do you guys talk to your parents about this kind of thing? i'm stuck in this binge/starve cycle, and torn between wanting to be left alone to slowly starve myself to death, and wanting help to deal with stopping myself binging. I don't want them to stop me "dieting" but i want help stopping the binges? I don't know. just, anyone have experience talking to their family about this kind of stuff? any advice? <3
Smoking, munchies, guilt
/u/peach783
Created: Sun Sep 9 12:30:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ef8p3/smoking_munchies_guilt/
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I smoke to calm me down but if I dont go to bed immediately I'll totally get the munchies and binge! I love smoking, it helps me a lot but then it makes me way more likely to binge and feel guilty after.
I dont wanna give up smoking, any tips to avoid the munchies?
Does anyone else have this problem? Is it just a matter of pure self control? Is there anything I can do?
P.S I live in Michigan so its legal, is there any strains or like things I could buy that wouldnt give me the muchies? A few people have suggested wax pens but im not sure!
[Rant/Rave] Guys... I’m starting to fit into my high school clothes again.
/u/boneylo [5’7” | 143.0 lbs | 22.53 | -30.6 lbs | F | vegetarian]
Created: Sun Sep 9 12:30:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ef8jx/guys_im_starting_to_fit_into_my_high_school/
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For the first time in like 5-6 years. Mostly shirts cause that’s all I have left from then, and I’m definitely not near my high school pants size.
But I fit into a high school t-shirt and cute little costume and I can’t believe it. They’re a little snug but I’m getting there and I can’t believe it!!! It’s giving me so much motivation.
This is huge because I grew up like a string bean and went through a huge depression around college and gained a shit ton of weight rapidly and never seemed able to get it off completely. But I’m getting so close to getting my old body back and keeping it!!
Moringa Instead of Vitamins
/u/Jessica_Briefly
Created: Sun Sep 9 12:13:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ef415/moringa_instead_of_vitamins/
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Does anyone here take moringa everyday instead of a traditional multivitamin? I do I bought the powder this last time but I think I am going to go back to the capsules because it is just so much easier. This stuff really gives you a lot of energy and makes you feel really good. I have done a few 3 day fasts while taking moringa and felt super good. I just though I would share with y'all because who doesn't want to feel good?? I added a photo hopefully it shows up it tells how good this stuff is for you. I will list them here though just in case.
* 92 Nutrients and 46 Antioxidants In One Tree Moringa Oleifera
* 4X more iron than spinach
* 3X more potassium than bananas
* 7X more vitamin C than Oranges
* 2X more protein than yogurt
* 4X more calcium than milk
* 25X more vitamin A than carrots
The list goes on and on just Google it is you are interested. :)
How to keep a feminine figure?
/u/Raiiinboe
Created: Sun Sep 9 12:11:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ef3di/how_to_keep_a_feminine_figure/
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This is my first post here. I love this sub ♡
Anyways, I've lost 15 pounds so far (114 currently) and I've lost my butt. I expected it but is there a workout you guys could recommend that would maybe help me get ot back? I feel dumb about it but I really liked my butt ):
Canada EC Stacks
/u/paleartichoke [5'4" | CW:125 lb | SW: 167 lb | F]
Created: Sun Sep 9 12:05:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ef1m2/canada_ec_stacks/
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Hey all. I use these Proenzi99 ephederine hydrochloride pills (https://well.ca/products/abundance-naturally-proenzi-99_30136.html) to "EC stack". I take 2 at a time and kick them in with my usual beverages (my preferred selections are Monster zeros, sugarfree redbull, and black coffee).
Is this the same as bronkaid? I have never seen that brand in Canada. Are there any other Canadians here using EC stacks? If so, what do you take?
[Goal] first time i've heard someone say "you're almost getting too skinny". two more goal weights to go!
/u/taikutsuu [5'9'' | cw: 120, -32 | 17.2 bmi | gw: 105 | 18f]
Created: Sun Sep 9 12:04:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ef1e5/first_time_ive_heard_someone_say_youre_almost/
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Woke up at a new LW today, on a good restriction train at the moment and my mum actually said that today!!
Of course I lied my ass off about my weight loss when she asked me about how much I weighed, and when she asked me whether I was eating well - I weighed in at 54.2 today and told her I was 57.8, to which she responded "oh, would've estimated 59".
I also talked a bunch of shit about running and trying to become a lot more fit to improve my back pains, and she ate it up perfectly. "Me, not eating enough? Pff, I would never sacrifice fish sticks or cheese! Also, don't forget that I just eat way better than I used to and stopped drinking soft drinks; you know I don't care about weight as long as I feel good with myself". Sometimes I'm scared of how well my lies work.
Great to hear I still look fatter than I actually am, but oh well. I'm motivated as fuck! I'll be 52 by my birthday xx
[Discussion] My dad finally asked if I’d lost weight
/u/milk-and-honie
Created: Sun Sep 9 11:56:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eeyzm/my_dad_finally_asked_if_id_lost_weight/
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I was 202 lbs early April, my hw. I just hit 175 recently. Today I came downstairs in a shirt and pants that were frequently tight on me when I was that size, and now hang a lot looser. He looks at me, then at my step mother, then at me.
“Did you lose weight?”
Before I can even respond, my mom jumps in. “Of course she did!”
Dad looks surprised, then pleased. I have to say that was very on par with my own emotions in that moment. I’ve been going to the gym for a bit recently so I blamed it on that and not my calorie restriction. I can’t believe my mom noticed and didn’t say anything - and then my dad, the least observant person ever, noticed too.
I’m thrilled!!!
[Rant/Rave] Triggered by 'Friends'
/u/ThrowPotential [5'6 | CW: 170lbs | BMI: 27 | -7lbs | F]
Created: Sun Sep 9 11:48:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eewxs/triggered_by_friends/
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I want to be as thin and delicate as Monica. I want collarbones to stick out like hers do. Let me be that skinny, please
[Other] A guy I’m talking to asked what I had for lunch today, I said soup, which isn’t technically wrong lol
/u/sunnshine67 [5'4 vampire | CW 137.2 | 23.7 | -27.8 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 9 11:42:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eev71/a_guy_im_talking_to_asked_what_i_had_for_lunch/
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https://i.redd.it/52egf2rc29l11.jpg
how to enhance broccoli with five calories?
/u/eightstone [Height: 5ft 7 | CW: 8st 8lbs| BMI: 19 | Gender: F]
Created: Sun Sep 9 11:39:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eeuaq/how_to_enhance_broccoli_with_five_calories/
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I have just five calories to spare until I hit my calorie target for the day. I am going to have some broccoli and want to make it a bit more interesting than just salt on broccoli, if possible. Is there anything extra I can do that uses 5 calories?
[Discussion] Two gym memberships
/u/AugustusMarius [5'1 | 195 | 36.8 | -25 | M]
Created: Sun Sep 9 11:37:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eetom/two_gym_memberships/
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I am already a member of my employee gym for $10/month, but my work/that gym = about 20 minutes away. I was thinking about how I'm totally unmotivated to go to the gym on days off, since it's "far"... I'm probably just lazy. It's a very nice gym with some bells and whistles, but I also am guaranteed to see someone I know anytime I go. Also, the dudes' showers are communal and I don't want people looking at the fat rolls tbh. I usually sneak into the gender neutral bathroom to shower if I must.
So today I had the bright idea to join the Planet Fitness by my house as well (feel free to come at me for that, it's not the best gym but it's about the closest). Then I have no excuse on my days off. And maybe I can "get away" with more if I don't see my co-workers. Plus private showers.
Anyway, DAE have two memberships to keep up with what your brain tells you? DAE think it's a smart move? I think it's gonna be worth it. PF is $10 for the basic membership, so in total I'd still only be spending $20/mo on the gyms.
FINALLY a way to block myself from ordering food
/u/petitcherub
Created: Sun Sep 9 11:35:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eet8h/finally_a_way_to_block_myself_from_ordering_food/
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OK so i really struggle with being able to order food on my phone, im constantly binging and spending $ that i dont have. ive tried using the blocksite app but u can just turn it off and theres no password option. today i was SUPER DETERMINED to find a way to child lock myself lol & it was suprisingly hard to find an app that blocks apps AND sites AND has a password option (& is free lol), but I finally found a solution & im super proud :)
so the app BlockSite was still the best one i found to block apps & websites (the chrome extension does have a password option so i use that on my laptop). i keep all the food ordering apps installed on my phone so i can keep them blocked, then also block any pizza sites i use (luckily i HATE calling & if i cant look at a menu i wont bother). Now to stop myself from just turning blocksite off i use AppLock - i can use this app to lock BlockSite and i need to enter a password to open it, i set a number password i wont remember and gave it to a friend. u can also lock uninstalling & changing the app in ur settings so i feel extra secure!
TLDR BlockSite & AppLock
How to function while full and bloated after a binge???
/u/strawstring [5'10 | CW 155 | GW 140 | 21F]
Created: Sun Sep 9 11:30:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eerpt/how_to_function_while_full_and_bloated_after_a/
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I've been trying so hard and doing so well this week. But of course I just haaaaddd to fuck it up. Last night I binged on what I had in the house (so healthy-ish foods, just very large quantity, but sugary) and this morning I was feeling the food in my stomach still. It wasn't awful and I could have just fasted like I normally do in the morning, but nope. I don't even remember the thought process, it was like I just lost all rational thought and ate a huge slice of cake/bread with nuts and nut butter. Then I went out and hit the drive thrus. I really don't know what the hell was happening.
But now I'm laying in bed, look like I'm pregnant, and can't imagine leaving the house. Tried to purge ofc but it wasn't working (think I'm loosing my gag reflex completely) and couldn't keep trying too hard because I have housemates and sound travels. I'm panicking. 4000 cals today, probably around that last night.
Sorry if this was a boring rant, but I have things to do in a few hours, have to see people and function. I don't know if I can try to purge again. What do I do!!!!! I look and feel like a whale!!!!
binge-free for 2 weeks!
/u/holdenmacrotch
Created: Sun Sep 9 11:27:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eeqos/bingefree_for_2_weeks/
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so this whole summer I've been good during the weekdays and losing my everloving shit on the weekends leading to a comfortable 15lbs gained. so now none of my pants fit and I've managed to hold myself together for 2 weeks without a binge! turns out once I have a streak going it's a lot easier to stick to the plan.
ᕙ( * •̀ ᗜ •́ * )ᕗ
[Tip] Children’s Museum Thinspo
/u/coolmistmama
Created: Sun Sep 9 10:49:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eefy5/childrens_museum_thinspo/
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Feeling bad about your recent period weight gain?
Just take your kid to a children’s museum and get the ticket person to put the wrist band around your wrist. When she exclaims that you have the wrist of a small child consider it high praise and maintain your goals.
[Tip] Exchanging Habits
/u/amooni95
Created: Sun Sep 9 10:21:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ee7lm/exchanging_habits/
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Everytime I feel the urge to snack or eat, I do one task that will make me feel better. Such as tidying up my room/opening the blinds, doing my hair, whitening my teeth, or studying/reading a book. I swear there is a direct correlation between my grades rising and me fasting lol What are some things you do to keep busy and keep hunger off your mind?
[Help] 500cal a day for one month?
/u/lecollecteur
Created: Sun Sep 9 10:20:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ee7gz/500cal_a_day_for_one_month/
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I have a month to lose as much weight as possible and every calc I’ve searched online says that I’d only lose about 4lbs if I ate 500cals every day for a month. Ik every body is different but this sounds like nothing ??
[Rant/Rave] I don’t see the difference in a BMI of 24 or a BMI of 21.
/u/trytostay
Created: Sun Sep 9 10:13:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ee5at/i_dont_see_the_difference_in_a_bmi_of_24_or_a_bmi/
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In May I was 175 pounds and I had a BMI of 24. Now I am 145 pounds and I have a BMI of 21.
I’m not fat, but I’m not skinny either. I’m 5’ 10” so no matter what I’m always going to be a “big girl.” Even if I was skinny, people would call me big, because I’m tall.
Having a BMI of 21 makes me feel like I’m floating in this weird limbo where I don’t feel like I’m a huge, disgusting blob of cellulite but I still have a double chin and my cheeks are chubby and my arms have flab and I’d never dare show my knees in a dress. Seriously, what the FUCK is up with my double chin?
It makes me feel like I’m not skinny enough to have an eating disorder and all I’m doing is dieting and I’m an impostor and I don’t have a problem and I need to get over myself.
It also makes me feel like I’m fat. A healthy BMI is 18 to 24. I still feel like I look relatively the same as I did when I had a BMI of 24 despite the fact that I have lost 30 pounds. I really do. I really see very little differences in my appearance.
Nothing is really changing. I really don’t think I have body dysmorphia. I think I see myself as I am. And honestly? I’m not that different. I’m still big. I’m still bulky. I’m still...chubby, fat, thick, whatever the terminology is.
Just a rant on this rainy Sunday afternoon. I should be studying for the GRE that I have to take in like 18 days. Fml.
[Discussion] New routine: 600cal a day
/u/lecollecteur
Created: Sun Sep 9 10:04:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ee2pd/new_routine_600cal_a_day/
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After a summer of on and off bingeing and fasting. I plan to eat 600calories a day and workout for 20mins everyday (ik this isn’t a huge amount but it’s all I can fit in with work and school ):)
Does anyone have any tips on how to deal with brain fog/hunger pangs when studying ??
[Rant/Rave] I feel like restricting today
/u/sstephenn [Recovering 5'10 | 126.2/57.2 | 18.1 | -60/27.2 | Male ]
Created: Sun Sep 9 10:01:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ee1s7/i_feel_like_restricting_today/
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omg plz stop telling me I don’t deserve to eat brain it’s like not nice!!! I was doing so good why are u doing this to me??? I just want a break 😓😓😓😓😓 ugh why me 😓
[Tip] For anyone who might need this today.
/u/spinachavocado [5'3.5" | 121 lbs | 21.6 | -29 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 9 10:01:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ee1mp/for_anyone_who_might_need_this_today/
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I have this saved from about a year ago. I would give credit to the original account if it wasn't deleted but this has helped me on some bad days and I wanted to share it again for anyone who hasn't seen it yet.
"Tutorial on how to feel better :)
If you haven't showered in 36 hours, it's probably a good idea to do so.
Do you have any vitamin supplements? If yes, have you remembered to take them? They might have a small amount of cals (depending on the pill) but if you're in it for the long run, it'll help.
When is the last time you've gotten a full night of sleep? If it's been a while, try cutting down on the caffeine right before bed. You'll feel so much better if you're well-rested.
How long is it since you've cleaned your room? Are there any plates, any old food, or any empty cans/bottles? If so, remove them immediately. I find that if I'm in a clean environment, I'm less likely to binge.
What time is it? Are you dressed? If no, put on some clothes. They don't even have to be tight or appropriate for leaving the house, but it's always good to wear clothes.
Have you taken your prescribed meds today? If not, take them.
How is your pet? Does it have food? Is the water-bowl filled? Have you played with it lately? Maybe give it a quick scratch or a cuddle.
Have you had any water today? If not, try getting down a little glass. It might feel weird, especially if you're fasting, but being hydrated is always good.
Make sure to stretch after you work out/exercise. If anything, it's extra calories.
How long is it since you've talked to a family-member/one of your friends/your partner? Often, I find that it has been days if I don't focus on it. It'll help your mental health.
How are your plants doing? Give those fuckers some water, you've probably forgot.
How long is it since you've brushed your teeth? If you've forgot, do it now. You can brush your hair too, but it's optional.
Try printing and coloring a Disney princess. Buy a new houseplant. Go for a smoke. Write a short essay. Browse through nosleep. Light some candles. Put on soft socks. Read an old book again, or read an entirely new one you've been putting off for way too long. Do your hair. Paint your nails. Dance to your favorite song. Make a Spotify playlist. Binge-watch your favorite YouTuber. Do the dishes. Go shopping.
Take care, guys."
You don't have to do all of these. Accomplishing even one of these is a step in the right direction
today is a normal day
/u/crossdressingcarp
Created: Sun Sep 9 09:47:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9edx8d/today_is_a_normal_day/
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woke up and for some reason decided i’m not counting calories today. i even feel sort of calm about not having to stress about food today — i’ll just listen to my body and treat myself dor once. i know i’ll 10000% regret this day tomorrow, but whatever, i’mma ride this wave. 😎
[Discussion] DAE go through all their social media photos?
/u/invincibletitan33 [5'4.5 | 52kg | F]
Created: Sun Sep 9 09:43:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9edw98/dae_go_through_all_their_social_media_photos/
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When I'm feeling in a particularly disordered mood, I go through all the photos of myself on Facebook or Instagram, analysing my appearance, whether I'm skinny compared to other people in the photo, looking at my legs, at my face, at my hair, etc.
I don't know why I do this because it doesn't make me feel great, but I end up doing probably once a week, even though there aren't any new photos on there!
DAE do this?
[Help] How does one start limiting calories without it falling into full blown anorexia
/u/Kat13254
Created: Sun Sep 9 09:15:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9edodu/how_does_one_start_limiting_calories_without_it/
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I have a history of not eating at all, but I don't want to do that this time, I want to still be able to function.
[Help] Need help controlling food jealousy
/u/DesperateViolet [169 cm | SW 111kg | CW 71.6kg| GW 55kg | F]
Created: Sun Sep 9 09:05:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9edln8/need_help_controlling_food_jealousy/
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Not typical ed related, I right now don't care about calories, I have a serious problem and I am at a point where I know that I can fix my food issues (weight and so on) if I can solve this last problem.
I have 'Futterneid', I am jealous of food.
I eat every food, doesn't matter how bad it is for me, if it's in my near. I snuggle food away, even if it's free. Not imaginary jealousy, not 'oh I wish I should have ordered a burger too and not a salad, her burger looks delicious'
I mean, real idiotic irrational fear of not getting to eat it or that someone else will eat it before me.
Example: right now I ate 3 apples on a full stomach even tho I didn't want them. We have an apple tree, I can get as many as I want, I didn't had to eat the last apples in the bowl out of fear of never getting apples again.
I can't stop when I start to eat. Physical pain is not enough to stop. Reading about how to stop food jealousy between animals isn't helping. I rationally know how to get food, any kind of food, I have money, I am an adult.
How do I stop my food jealousy? How do I train myself to stop when I don't even want the food. Nobody is taking it away from me.
Tldr: how to stop food jealousy in adults who rationally know it's not necessary?
(Or which sub should I ask this?)
[Help] Is it normal to be this fucking cold?
/u/skeletonsofawhale [5'2 | 140 🐳 | -45 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 9 09:01:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9edkm4/is_it_normal_to_be_this_fucking_cold/
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Ok so I haven't weighed myself in a while so I might be in the high 130's club by now, which is on the borderline between overweight and healthy for my height by now. So it's defintely not due to low body fat.
I'm a very low restictor (<400 per day, plus I fast a lot) which might explain my coldness but I'm sure I still have more than enough body fat to sustain some fucking heat???
It's like 14°C in Toronto right now and like 21 or 22 inside my house but I haven't felt this cold since the dead of winter. This happened all very suddenly and I'm currently sitting in bed with 2 heavy blankets over me while wearing a massive fucking jacket, still cold as fuck. What the fuck is happening?
And to all the fellow Torontonians in here, are you also as cold today as I am? My family is walking around in t-shirts and are making fun of me for being this cold rn because the weather is normal.
[Help] Restricting Under 1000cals, but no Whoosh?? Advice? ):
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Sun Sep 9 08:57:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9edjjs/restricting_under_1000cals_but_no_whoosh_advice/
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I am 5'2, 95 lbs, 24y/o female. I recently broke my binge cycle and have been restricting under 1000 calories since Tuesday (with the help of Bronkaid and caffeine). It's now Sunday. Before I started this restriction, I weighed about 96lbs. I'm really confused as to why I'm not losing weight faster. I've only been eating between 500 and 850 cals a day. After i went to the bathroom this morning I weighed myself. 95 lbs. Wtf?? I'm definitely eating under my BMR. The scale is barely moving.
Does anyone have any insight? Am I stalling and just waiting to experience a whoosh? Do I need to restrict even lower??? I feel like a failure. Should I just start fasting completely? I'm sorry for complaining. I know any weight loss is progress but I've done higher restriction before and the weight came off faster...
[Rant/Rave] Despite my best efforts I don't seem to be losing much at all
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2 | 149 | Aiming for 146 by 9/25 | -12| f21]
Created: Sun Sep 9 08:55:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9edj4m/despite_my_best_efforts_i_dont_seem_to_be_losing/
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Yeah I know it could be water, I know weightloss isn't a straight line. But I can't say I'm not annoyed.
Since the beginning of the month I've been religiously eating 800 other than one day of 1,300. Should be +- 2 pounds a week and it HAS been that in the past. I thought I lost 1.5 pounds a few days ago but I regained it? I know it's not period time and maybe I ate too much salt yesterday...But I just feel like I'm not seeing results of my very regimented eating, I always thought if I ate 800-900 every single day I'd lose consistently. But maybe my erratic eating where I throw in very low and very high days mixed with a moderate amount most days actually is better in the end for me?
So I just B/P’d until there was nothing but blood but I still feel food in my stomach..
/u/HistrionicSlut
Created: Sun Sep 9 08:53:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9edigf/so_i_just_bpd_until_there_was_nothing_but_blood/
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Had a little freak out after binging on like 1k calories. And purged for almost 30 minutes. My throat hurts, I was puking blood, and I still feel the food in my stomach. It’s like I can’t even purge right. Yay me.
[Help] feel like death after purging too much?
/u/sleepyboyblue [5'5 | CW 110 | GW 100 | M]
Created: Sun Sep 9 08:18:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ed9nb/feel_like_death_after_purging_too_much/
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been b/ping 2-3 times a day for the past few months, usually it takes me like 10 minutes to purge but today i spent so long trying i had to stop because i was about to pass out. my gag reflex is almost dead and my stomach keeps throbbing, im fuckin worried do any of you guys have experience with this?
[Rant/Rave] I got my period back..
/u/JanusMichaelVincent
Created: Sun Sep 9 08:10:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ed7lb/i_got_my_period_back/
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Its been almost a year since it dissapeared. When it did was when I hit an “unhealthiness” milestone of being in the double digits at last (yay!) but feeling fainty all the time. I stopped working out as much because it would make me faint, and lost the ability to enjoy low cal energy drinks (because my heart would protest).
Last night it spontaneously returned and my boyfriend is ecstatic. Hes taking it as a sign that im “finally trying to get healthier”.
.. And I’m sitting in the bathroom feeling like an absolute failure. I’m crushed.
[Rant/Rave] Got told by two people I looked thinner.
/u/notadolphin1823
Created: Sun Sep 9 07:56:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ed4cz/got_told_by_two_people_i_looked_thinner/
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It felt so good! I haven’t had anyone say that in such a long time. Just the trigger I needed to keep going
CBT-E vs CAT therapy
/u/Jwish91
Created: Sun Sep 9 07:54:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ed3q2/cbte_vs_cat_therapy/
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Has anybody engaged in therapy using CBT-E or CAT? What was your experience? I’ve been offered both and have read a bit on google but an after advice from people with ED that have had a go at either therapy.
Bronkaid?
/u/strangerrrdangerrr
Created: Sun Sep 9 07:44:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ed1vr/bronkaid/
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Under what name and where are you guys finding this year's ago I know they sold it at Walgreens but now I can't seem to find it anywhere.
I have a desperate need
[Help] I wish my ed doctor would stop pushing me to gain weight... I can stop visiting if i want to but i am on medication...i dont want to risk discontinual symptoms
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Sun Sep 9 07:21:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ecwwb/i_wish_my_ed_doctor_would_stop_pushing_me_to_gain/
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trying desperately to stop binging
/u/damnitjanet6 [5"5'| BMI 25 | -45.7lbs| 🍑 damnitjanet6 | 20F]
Created: Sun Sep 9 06:45:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ecp7o/trying_desperately_to_stop_binging/
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oh gooooddddddd.
hit a low weight this morning. i was finally out of the overweight category, into the "healthy" category. then i decided to ease up on my planned 300 calorie restriction for the day, and go for like 500.............................
i'd planned to buy some bread and make a sandwich. i haven't had bread for so long. but NO THE UNIVERSE DECIDED TO KICK ME IN THE TEETH LOLLL. someone robbed the corner store and it's all blocked off with police so i couldn't buy my planned bread.
and it just opened the floodgates.
almost 4000 calories later and i can't move. everything hurts. i'm hot, sweating so hard because i'm fuckin gross. just want to curl up in a ball and never do anything ever again omfg. i feel like i've gained like 5 lbs. want to die.. ugh. i can't do anything right.
[Other] I ate 4,000 calories yesterday on vacation and this morning I feel... okay?
/u/madeinny88 [5'8" | 125 | 19.0 | 30/F ]
Created: Sun Sep 9 06:32:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ecmna/i_ate_4000_calories_yesterday_on_vacation_and/
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I know this will change once I get home and actually step on the scale, but there’s no scale here so no torturing myself haha 😂
Seriously though, I can’t tell you how freeing it was yesterday morning and this morning to wake up here and have NO SCALE to have to report to 😂 feels like I’m a rebellious teenager or something escaping punishment!
Honestly, it makes me want to throw away my scales when I get home, but I know I can’t do that 😔 I wouldn’t be able to handle not knowing, long term, on a daily basis, that fucking number that I let define me/control me on a daily basis. But if it wasn’t the number controlling me, if I threw away the scales for real, it would still be the fucking disordered thoughts controlling me and the obsession with not knowing the number on the scale controlling me 😫 so I guess I might as well keep knowing my number because this fucking ED will still be here with or without knowing, it ain’t going nowhere........ it’s Ed and me for life 😆
[Other] Favorite Mukbangers?
/u/audreyhepburnwho [25F | 5'8 | cw 159 | hw 196 | sw 172 | lw 150 | ugw 145]
Created: Sun Sep 9 06:24:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ecl4f/favorite_mukbangers/
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I've been watching Stephanie Buttermores cheat days and I finally understand the joy of watching someone eat huge amounts of food lol! I watch Trisha Paytas' videos but I hate her mukbangs, I hate how she talks with her mouth full and licks her fingers lol it's just kinda disgusting to me. I like how Stephanie shows a whole day and not just one meal and also speeds over some of the chewing. Any similar ones i could look for?
[Sticky] Sunday: Share your latest grocery+food hauls!
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Sep 9 06:11:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ecimo/sunday_share_your_latest_groceryfood_hauls/
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Feel welcome to post pics of your latest and greatest hauls~! Consider adding commentary on:
* what country you're in
* what store, site, market or Co-op you shopped at
* how much you spent or any sweet deals you found
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! September 09, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Sep 9 06:11:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ecikx/daily_food_diary_september_09_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for September 09, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
how do i distract myself from binging?
/u/zeneith [5'7 | CW 147.7 | BMI 22.6 | SW 211.6| UGW 110]
Created: Sun Sep 9 06:04:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ech6g/how_do_i_distract_myself_from_binging/
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i keep getting these temptations to eat even though i am not hungry. Sad to say i’ve succumbed to them and gained at least 12lbs. I feel sad and disgusted with myself and I want to go on a fast but how do i keep these temptations at bay?
Anyone else who had the same issues and managed to overcome them?
[Rant/Rave] I don't know if it counts as a binge, but it feels like a binge...
/u/NovANDP [5'2' / 150 lb / 27.4 bmi / Neutrois]
Created: Sun Sep 9 06:00:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ecgll/i_dont_know_if_it_counts_as_a_binge_but_it_feels/
---
Last night, I had a family member who I love a lot, come to visit. We went to a Mexican restaurant that I very love, although I have not gone there in a long time (not once since I started restricting seriously). I flip through menu to my favorite food. It's 1240 calories. That's more than the maximum for my entire day. I only ate half of it, but I feel like the fattest person on Earth now...
[Rant/Rave] About to break my fast at 107 hours
/u/bingeyboa
Created: Sun Sep 9 05:54:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ecfhp/about_to_break_my_fast_at_107_hours/
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https://i.redd.it/o1u2m1v9c7l11.jpg
How can I gain 1 kilo en 2 days?! Im not even eating 1300 kcal!!
/u/subarremos [5'3 | CW: 103 | GW: 88]
Created: Sun Sep 9 05:39:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ecctd/how_can_i_gain_1_kilo_en_2_days_im_not_even/
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Im so mad, I ate like a normal person yesterday and socialized (but STILL watched what I was eating. No alcohol, no bread, no dessert. I eat chips in moderation) and I gained weight.
I feel like my body begs me to starve.
I dont know what to do anymore. Low kcal day I guess 🤷🏻♀️
today is the day i've lost my first stone (14lb) since 2012!!
/u/kittenbun [5'9 | GW 140 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 9 05:24:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ecaez/today_is_the_day_ive_lost_my_first_stone_14lb/
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despite the struggles, the setbacks, the hunger pains and tuning into my own radio station all the time (Stomach Gurgles FM) today i finally lost a stone since my 'start weight' back in july.
i just wanted to post here about it because *there is no way* i could have done this without you guys. the support community we have here is so overwhelmingly positive and loving and understanding and since finding this place i feel like i've got a home to come back to - somewhere we can all convene and take a deep breath of relief, knowing everyone here is in the same boat.
thank you so much guys <3 i hope in a few months time i'll be posting about losing my second stone, and then one more time when i've lost the third! hopefully before the year ends - we will see!
A meal fit for a queen
/u/retro-morte
Created: Sun Sep 9 05:20:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ec9n0/a_meal_fit_for_a_queen/
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https://i.redd.it/ghve27ida3l11.jpg
[Other] Found this at my local shop. Amaaaazing. Bottle cherry zero is so rare. They said they will have them all the time.
/u/Kittyscatsspeed [5'5 | CW: 163 lb |GW: 128 LB | BMI: 27.2 | Female - Fatty ]
Created: Sun Sep 9 05:13:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ec8gd/found_this_at_my_local_shop_amaaaazing_bottle/
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https://i.redd.it/5dsktczv47l11.jpg
[Other] Turning I after obsessing through ED ?
/u/faddermarn
Created: Sun Sep 9 05:03:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ec6u1/turning_i_after_obsessing_through_ed/
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Just curious. I’ve found myself more and more liking girls , this has happened after several years of ed with intense obsessions about body and being skinny and looking at other girls photos.
Just curious wether I’m alone in this ...
shortbread
/u/Georgie_Shrinks [5'7" | CW: 141lb | BMI: 21.1 | -18lb | 20♀]
Created: Sun Sep 9 04:01:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ebxd3/shortbread/
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I've always loved baking for my friends and family, and before my ED developed I loved to eat as I baked - the raw dough/batter is so good and I've always had a weakness for it.
But now I've developed this crazy habit - I'm super low on money at the moment but my urges to b/p are through the roof, so I've concocted this way to binge without really spending much money.
I buy butter, cornflour, flour, vanilla and icing sugar and I make a batch of shortbread dough in my room and just eat it raw until I feel sick. The raw ingredients are really cheap, it's rich enough that it makes me feel sick before I've finished the whole batch and it's surprisingly easy to purge.
The fact that it's so cheap and easy has really fucking backfired because I'm doing this like every day and I'm somehow not sick of it yet.
Does anyone else do shit like this??
Room for me here?
/u/GQJohnDoe
Created: Sun Sep 9 03:32:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ebt2m/room_for_me_here/
---
It’s kind of a question with multiple meanings. Because I’m fat (like, actually overweight basically obese - for now). But also a guy. Diagnosed AN (370.1 FTW, until I got too fat (again) and got that fucking ED NOS label). Somewhere along the way, I lost the path. But I’ve been (more safely this time) restricting again, and watching the #s on my [hyper-accurate scale](https://media.tanita.com/data/product-brochures/BWB-800AS?rev=9D36) go down. And on top of the TTT (is that too 00s livejournal?), could use discussion & support.
Tea and coffee
/u/just-average1
Created: Sun Sep 9 02:53:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ebnf0/tea_and_coffee/
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Anyone else live on tea and coffee during they day then have one main meal at night? I’ve don’t this for last two weeks. Week one I lost 8 lbs and week two I lost 4 !!! Weighed myself this morning which is day 2 into week 3 and I’ve lost another 1. I don’t even feel hungry wtf.
Think I’ve beat the binge cycle
[Discussion] “You have a fat ass for a skinny bitch.”
/u/kenakinns [5'5" |114.6 | 19.1 BMI |-24 lbs | Female]
Created: Sun Sep 9 02:47:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ebmo8/you_have_a_fat_ass_for_a_skinny_bitch/
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“I remember when you once told me, ‘I only have an ass because I eat Taco Bell every day.’”
Triggering af!!! Like plz don’t remind me of the stuff I said when I was fat. I’ve lost 10 lbs in the past three months. I know it’s not much but I’m the lowest weight I’ve ever been in my life. I’m fucking trying to be thin. I don’t want a “fat ass”.
What’s something triggering someone has said to you lately?
[Rant/Rave] Went to the fair, couldn’t enjoy fair food
/u/kenakinns [5'5" |114.6 | 19.1 BMI |-24 lbs | Female]
Created: Sun Sep 9 02:36:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ebl2n/went_to_the_fair_couldnt_enjoy_fair_food/
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I normally LOVE fair food. I ate one bite of a corn dog and I couldn’t finish it. Didn’t eat any funnel cake. No kettle corn.
I mean, I’m proud of myself for not eating a bunch of cals that I can’t really afford. I just kiss being able to enjoy eating food. I’m so sad that I can’t eat anymore.
Good news: I weighed only 115 at my psychiatrist appt. the lowest that I have EVER weighed at that doctor. I’m officially the thinnest I have ever been in my life.
tfw ur ed is the only thing keeping you alive
/u/orkestrels
Created: Sun Sep 9 02:11:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ebhf5/tfw_ur_ed_is_the_only_thing_keeping_you_alive/
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my boyfriend broke up with me recently. before, not restricting just made me feel horrible. now, i feel like if i don't restrict, i feel like i really have no reason to live. i don't even feel depressed per se, but i do feel empty. i feel like my eating disorder makes me value that emptiness, as if i'm embracing it - my eating disorder is the only thing that can cheer me up about this. it's the only thing that says i'll be okay without him, even though i know that sounds pathetic.
my friends are trying to comfort me and spend time with me, but now, all i feel is numb, empty, and worthless. i really do feel like nothing. my eating disorder makes me feel like i have at least one thing. when people try to give me advice to recover, i feel upset because it's the one thing that really makes me happy. honestly, part of me (mostly my ed) feels as though even feeling sad because of the breakup is stupid, because i didn't deserve it, because i'm only trash, so i should have expected it to happen all along. i'm just too fucked up to be in a relationship with anybody.
but my eating disorder is always there for me; tomorrow i won't eat anything, and i'll feel like i have a reason to be here, and as if i won't always be worthless. that disordered part of me is saying it's good he broke up with me, even though i love him, and even though i feel so empty, because now i can just focus on losing weight. i don't even have to care about worrying anybody anymore
Skinny Syrups!
/u/BunnyAwesome [5'7"| F | CW 120 | GW 110]
Created: Sun Sep 9 01:52:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ebeje/skinny_syrups/
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Hey lovelies, I need to sing the praises of Jordan's Skinny Syrups and their zero calorie range of absolute delights! Coffee just won't ever be the same again! I recently got a bit of a haul, the pumpkin spice (obvs), s'mores and the pecan, maple and bourbon one and oh my GOODNESS they are sooooo goood! If any of you are looking for calorie free sweetness for your coffee please consider these, they're a godsend!
[Rant/Rave] So much weight anxiety
/u/squishysponges [5’5” | CW 185 | GW 120 | 19F]
Created: Sun Sep 9 01:50:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ebebz/so_much_weight_anxiety/
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I just posted on progresspics for the first time and realized after I posted I don’t even look any different. I think a big issue of mine is that I weigh myself 10+ times a day to see the fluctuations, and if it goes up or down (depending on food and water I consumed) I get either upset if it went up or feel mild if it was the same/lower like it was no big deal. Half the time I eat really late dinners (BF works 2nd shift so I usually OMAD around 8 pm with him on his break) and in the morning I haven’t pooped so the scale freaks me out. Sorry for the rant I’m just consistently panicking about numbers as usual!!!!
Is you dehydrated/empty stomach weight your "real" weight?
/u/bashytr0n [5'2"|90lbs|17.1| GW 40kg/88lbs | LW 35kg/77lbs]
Created: Sun Sep 9 01:30:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ebbgi/is_you_dehydratedempty_stomach_weight_your_real/
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For instance if i weigh myself after waking up, peeing and in a 16+ hour fasted state, is that my actual weight or is it artificially lessened because you're supposed to account for how your body is going to be normally, throughout the day?
Cause i fluctuate a fair bit so i dont even bother noting down anymore when ive "lost" a kilo because i feel like it just leads to disappointment when it comes back, like im claiming a false acheivement.
I also think ive hit a plateau point now where shifitng that last bit of weight is the difference between fully functioning and starting to feel like shit.
Things I disgustingly binged on today
/u/mabver321 [5'1 | CW 143 | GW 108| F]
Created: Sun Sep 9 00:10:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eaxre/things_i_disgustingly_binged_on_today/
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Hello! its currently midnight and all ive eaten was a measly two whoppers, two Large fries, an entire bag of family sized salt and vinegar chips, and two packs of ramen.
I actually wanna die
[Rant/Rave] hi... question
/u/planetskinny
Created: Sun Sep 9 00:05:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eawvc/hi_question/
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PLEASE DO NOT DELETE THIS POST! it deals with emotional bingeing and i'm just giving a LOT of context because i need advice.
​
is it selfish to block a friend for a few days that called my selfish? let me explain.
me: hey! can you send me your birthday message for \*\*\* since it’s her birthday?
my friend: no. i told you i’m not doing it. i’ve known her longer than you have, anyways.
me: sorry
friend: i literally have wattpad deleted for a couple of days.
context: this friend went on hiatus. wattpad is a writing app. on my spam, i was collecting birthday messages for \*\*\* (my other friend) so i could post it.
me: i have shit memory and i swear i asked you. oh, okay. sorry again.
friend: yeah, whatever
me: why are you always mad at me???
friend: im not. you always just text at the worst times.
me: oh, okay
friend: and you start talking about the subjects i don’t like.
friend (and i quote): maybe you should stop thinking of yourself!!!
context/note: so basically, they called me selfish. and that’s a huge trigger for me. because i believe i am selfish, blah blah blah.
me: you know what… maybe i should
friend: yeah
me, ten minutes later: i’m not trying to pick a fight or anything but i’ve got someone telling me i’m not selfish while everyone is telling me i am (including myself) so please be fucking honest… am i selfish?
friend: pj you aren’t, but stop talking to me
me: okay
friend: you have been getting on my nerves. and i literally hate it. like you’ve been honestly annoying. i don’t know why. but i’ve been in bundles of bad mood lately. so just don’t talk to me. for now. i can only talk to two of my friends w/o getting frustrated.
me: whatever. bye.
friend: im sorry
me: just don’t fucking talk to me, alright?
context/note: i was so upset + angry and wasn’t thinking straight.
friend: lol ok.
this happened on sept 3rd. they texted me on sept 7th with a full on breakdown, saying sorry. my other friend (the birthday friend) basically said i shouls forgive the friend who called me selfish. i’m still upset but i just… i can’t anymore? i don’t know. for the love of god, send advice please. i want to stop bingeing because of the emotions from this…
New prescription stopped my binges
/u/TimberBarron [5'10" | 179 lbs| 25.1| M]
Created: Sat Sep 8 23:41:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9easub/new_prescription_stopped_my_binges/
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I've been battling almost nightly binging for over a year. Never purged, just binged. It was embarrassing for me personally because I used to have a abs, adonis belt, jawline, etc. Now it's just a bleh true dad bod. It was something I took pride in that I lost.
I finally worked up the courage to tell my doctor about it. I thought I could correct it on my own, CBT, etc. I couldn't though. I asked for Topamax. It's a migraine medication but off-label it's used to zap your appetite and help mitigate binges. It's been highly effective at low doses so far, and I've even dropped almost 10 lbs I'm the past two weeks without even trying.
I used to go think about my binge from about 6pm on. Craft beer, nachos, cheeseburgers. Just copious amounts of shit almost nightly.
The change has been crazy, I have to push myself to eat enough now. (I need enough to recover from workouts.) There's been a generic for years, I didn't know it was an option until recently. I actually feel like I have control over my life and decisions now. No more shame, no more hiding and eating, just a normal lifestyle. And literally from one little pill. It's not supposed to work that way, but it's happening.
I think that's when it really really dawned on me. It is a disease. I mean I knew it was, but thought I could still choice by way out of it since it was mental. Even the CBT strategies for it were based around choice. But treating this disease the way you'd treat any other real disease, with drugs, has been a game changer.
I've been mostly a lurker, just reading the stores of others who we're going through the same thing I was. I really appreciate those who posted, because I was way too embarrassed before, even anonymously online.
free halo top on september 22
/u/carrotlime
Created: Sat Sep 8 23:10:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eanak/free_halo_top_on_september_22/
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Just fyi the [halo top website] (https://halotop.com/new/) is giving out a manufacturers coupon on September 22 for one free pint (And I'm sure there's a way to abuse it because I'm sure as hell gonna try...) :))
[Help] One binge actually helps?
/u/elevenbravo274 [5'7 | 110 | 17 | F]
Created: Sat Sep 8 23:06:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eamh8/one_binge_actually_helps/
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I’ve been heavy restricting and I’m at my lowest weight in years...tomorrow is my birthday dinner and to say I’m terrified is an understatement. I’ve heard somewhere that having a cheat meal every once in a while is ok because of something to do with metabolism? Idk but I really really need someone to reassure me that things will be ok
[Other] Eating back restricted calories?
/u/staticphat [Height: 5'3 | CW: Jabba the Hutt | GW: Bikini Leia]
Created: Sat Sep 8 22:30:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eafmm/eating_back_restricted_calories/
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Sometimes when I feel a little bingey I eat back calories I burned restricting. For example, yesterday I had 500 cals left over from maintenance and today I ate at maintenance but kinda felt like binging so I allowed myself 500 calories of bacon. Does anyone else do this?
[Rant/Rave] I got really high and I'm losing my mind
/u/baby-lips
Created: Sat Sep 8 22:28:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eafan/i_got_really_high_and_im_losing_my_mind/
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last night I hung out with a few friends and took like two hits from a joint and got so fucking high from lack of tolerance that I just went home, got in bed, and laid there trying to imagine what I look like to other people. and my stupid dysmorphic brain kept imagining myself bloat and stretch and all of the things I hate about myself just got so highlighted to me that I can't stop thinking about them.
I hate my body. I hate my personality. I hate my face, I hate how ugly I am, I hate how lazy and unsuccessful I am, I hate that no one seems to pay any attention to me. I hate that I've lost 30 lbs and my boyfriend still doesn't seem to want to have sex with me and is still so distant. I hate that I do so many things for him and he is so indifferent to it all. I hate that I told him I loved him, and I hate how he just feeds my disordered thoughts (no pun intended) and keeps reiterating that he wants a slim, tiny girlfriend, and that I can get there with hard work. I hate when I collapse in public from starvation and I tell him and he doesn't seem to care. I hate that I took him back after he cheated on me and I hate that I allowed our relationship to get so bad again.
I'm just in this awful cycle where I can't stop exercising to the point of passing out, and I hate myself for not getting help for the rest of my shitty mental health and ptsd because I don't want to get told I have an eating disorder. I'm scared to stop but I just want to be so skinny and beautiful that my boyfriend realizes what he has and I can just be whole again and be happy :/
[Other] Has anyone here gotten an adderall prescription mainly to lose weight?
/u/vitalogy95 [5'5" | CW: 155 | BMI: 25.79 | GW: 115 | HW: 176]
Created: Sat Sep 8 22:20:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eadmj/has_anyone_here_gotten_an_adderall_prescription/
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It seems so easy to get and it’s so tempting. I’m depressed and can’t focus on school work. And my depression is making me eat more and not lose weight.
I feel like adderall would solve my issues. Blah
[Rant/Rave] Birthday party blues
/u/beezythegiraffe
Created: Sat Sep 8 22:09:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eabk0/birthday_party_blues/
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So today is my wonderful SOs birthday, so obviously I threw him a party, complete with a huge taco bar, BBQ, and huuge Reeses ice cream cake. I've been restricting super heavily lately, and he has been starting to catch on so he's been watching me like a hawk -- also I didn't want him to think about anything but how awesome he is today, so I tried to eat as normally as possible.
In total I had 2 tacos (soft shell, with lettuce, avocado, salsa, and sour cream) (250 cal each) and a huge slice of cake (660 cal). I tried really hard to purge all of it but I think I only got about half up and in summary I feel so shitty and bloated and awful, and I can't believe I couldn't even keep my boyfriend's birthday dinner down. I feel even fuller than I did before I purged and I am way too fat and disgusting to have such an amazing boyfriend and just ughhh and I won't have any time to go to the gym for a few days because work so it's all going to just turn into fat help me
I'm so sorry I have no idea where I was going with this I just needed to rant to people that would get what I'm feeling :(
[Discussion] Has anyone else brought these up here? I just found these dieting lollipops that are supposed to suppress appetite. All the reviews of it I’ve found on YouTube claim it works. I’m tempted to try them
/u/almc879213
Created: Sat Sep 8 22:05:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eaaln/has_anyone_else_brought_these_up_here_i_just/
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https://flattummyco.com/products/flattummylollipops
[Help] May be a bit TMI but a legit question
/u/BadHeart25
Created: Sat Sep 8 22:02:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9eaa2d/may_be_a_bit_tmi_but_a_legit_question/
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After restricting to about 400 cal (going from 1800 so not very gradually) my bathroom breaks started to change. It’s was a bit harder to go, is this normal for things to change like that?
[Rant/Rave] 0 calorie chai latte from target!
/u/miugee
Created: Sat Sep 8 21:47:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ea6xz/0_calorie_chai_latte_from_target/
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https://i.redd.it/l5zdsczcx4l11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] something normal people wouldn't think twice about!
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | relapse| gw: 97 | 23f]
Created: Sat Sep 8 21:43:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ea60u/something_normal_people_wouldnt_think_twice_about/
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i royally fucked up restricting today and just ate 1,900 calories (at least, might've been like 2k). i know logically that fasting tomorrow and monday, combined with the past week of restriction, means that i won't gain from this, but i feel so bloated and disgusting. time to obsessively walk around my neighborhood in the dark + pound ice water + plan my fasts for the next forty-eight hours.
​
oh, well. at least the 4 tortillas i ate were the only unhealthy food i have in the house. lmfao.
[Rant/Rave] can’t stop binging every three days!
/u/tarynughhh
Created: Sat Sep 8 21:21:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ea1dl/cant_stop_binging_every_three_days/
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i fast for two days and then binge on the third and it’s a never ending cycle UGH i’ll never lose any weight like this
235.6 to 130. Not where I want to be, but at least via photos I can see changes
/u/PorkedPork
Created: Sat Sep 8 21:18:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ea0qq/2356_to_130_not_where_i_want_to_be_but_at_least/
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https://imgur.com/QE1eiyB
Tried to explain my body dysmorphia to my husband tonight
/u/sneakyburrito
Created: Sat Sep 8 21:05:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e9xy8/tried_to_explain_my_body_dysmorphia_to_my_husband/
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I went to a bridal shower today and took pictures with a number of the girls there. I saw the pictures tonight and the conversation went something like this:
Me: I don’t think I look bad in these photos. And I don’t think that any of the girls (in the photo) are anywhere close to fat. And In this photo it looks like I’m the same size or a little bit slimmer than everyone in the same shot.
Husband: Yeah. Because you’re not fat. The picture is reality.
Me: No no no, see, the girl (me) in this picture looks pretty alright in comparison. But that’s not how I feel. She’s okay in that shot. I’m fat.
Husband: ...
I then proceeded to grab at my stomach fat to prove my point but I’d already lost him. Can anyone else relate to this objective comparison / subjective sense of being?
[Discussion] Do you have special utensils?
/u/plasticpeonies
Created: Sat Sep 8 20:56:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e9vyt/do_you_have_special_utensils/
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Whenever I can, I eat using the same utensils. It's comforting to me for some reason, and I feel an uncomfortable tinge when someone uses "my" eating utensils. For me, it's a cute little fork with little space twinkles carved into the silver handle and a special painted wooded spoon my family brought over to the US from Russia. I've been looking for a bowl to be my go-to, but I haven't decided on the size yet, and am still thinking about whether I should go with ceramic or bamboo. Does anyone else do this? Do you get upset when other people use the thing you decided is yours (even if you never told them lol)
YALL IM FAT
/u/conuretrash
Created: Sat Sep 8 20:27:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e9pli/yall_im_fat/
---
This could be triggering, warning.
i dont know why. but. i thought it was okay to have an ultimate cheat day today. 4.500 cals down (estimated). 2,500 down yesterday too. now i just watched some rapid weight gain stuff and ive come back to my senses!!!! i NEED to fast until Friday. That will still put my net cals around 800/day (500 or less is the goal) after all the walking I'll do but it's better than this.
I feel like I get very triggered (I opened up to a counselor about some abuse from an ex on Friday night) then allow myself to cheat a little, then once i get the taste of food in my mouth I can't stop. I can't. I swear to God I'm so disordered, I either fast or binge uncontrollably because I can't control my intake. I literally don't feel like I have control, I've been in so much pain all day but I couldn't stop. It sounds like an excuse but I really can't help it, I think I dissociate after I get triggered and idk what happens but I don't want to eat anymore. I'm afraid my stomach will burst. I can't eat anymore. I'm praying I can't stuff anything else in there, I even took sleeping pills to hopefully knock me out. I'm in so much pain. And I'm fat. I'm 5'4'', 156 pounds. Probably more now. So, overweight. I want to be thin so bad and I know nothing tastes as good as skinny feels but I need to cram this empty feeling with something and food is all I know. I just want this to end, it's a struggle everyday. All day I obsess about food, I can't even function normally most days and I'm only 20 and I just transferred to a new college and should be having fun and making friends but all I do is think about food and shame myself for my weight and tell myself I don't deserve to have friends, I don't deserve to have fun with people because I'm so fat no one will want me. I want to be thinner so I can start relaxing. I feel so uptight and wound up all the time because if I taste food I go insane and binge but if I don't eat I think about what I will finally get to eat and plan out food and throw away anything that seems appealing. I went to a vending machine twice today and stuffed snacks in my backpack from it, something I've been too mortified to do, and like now I know there's no hope for me. Previously I've thrown out all my appealing foods thinking that will stop me but now I know I'll just go to a vending machine or order in or walk to the dining hall because I have no control. Ugh.
I like that other people understand, but I'm sorry y'all do. I like posting here because I don't have anyone to talk to irl about this (official counseling starts Monday though so soon I will) and I feel safe here.
CALLING ALL CHOCOLATE SLUTS
/u/theplushbus [5'6" | CW: 98 GW: 107 | -34 | 19♀]
Created: Sat Sep 8 20:19:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e9nu7/calling_all_chocolate_sluts/
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GUYS. I found the best chocolate treats ever! See's chocolate lollipops. https://www.sees.com/lollipops/chocolate-lollypops/200852.html They're 80 calories a piece. And you might think "hey that's not very special or low cal," but these things take AGES to eat. Sucking on it nonstop takes like half an hour. And it's impossible to bite into too, so you can't crunch it and eat it super fast. I like to suck on it for a bit, and then put it away and go back to it all throughout the day whenever I need a chocolate fix. And they're soooo good too, very chocolatey and yummy! I order these fuckers in bulk they really get me through the day. Thought I'd share!
Best halo top flavor with lots of stuff in it?
/u/thingsarestranger [5’2” | CW:124.3 | GW1:115 | SW:160 | F]
Created: Sat Sep 8 20:10:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e9luy/best_halo_top_flavor_with_lots_of_stuff_in_it/
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Heading to the store rn bc i have a coupon and it fits into my cals for the day so what’s the flavors you guys would recommend and which have chunks of stuff in them? Like cookie dough or chocolate chips or just something that’ll give it texture. I don’t rly like just plain ice cream I like when it has something in it. Thanks!! Bonus points if you include the cals as well as the name lol
[Help] i keep having chest pains and i feel like a dumbass, help
/u/sleeplesschris
Created: Sat Sep 8 20:05:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e9kty/i_keep_having_chest_pains_and_i_feel_like_a/
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little background, i've been bulimic for five-ish years but my family believes me to have been recovered for like a year and a half now when in reality i'm probably the worst i've ever been.
pretty much every single day for the last 4-ish months, without fail, i get some amount of chest pains but they're usually kinda bearable (as bearable as chest pain can be) but i never went to a doctor because I'm supposed to be healthy and fine and blah blah blah
but during the last month i'll have a day every like 5-7 days where i can't breath from it, it feels like my lungs are closed or i'm being stabbed, and it lasts for like 15-20 minutes and then goes away and i'm exhausted for the rest of the day but I'm fine for the next 5-7 days until it happens again. i'm scared my heart is giving out or something but at the same time i feel fine on the days where this doesn't happen and i just don't know what to do. has this happened to anyone else?
i almost don't want to go to a doctor. i'm a senior in high school but i'm not going to get into any colleges because i have literally never tried in school at all *ever* because i expected to be dead by now. isn't this what i wanted? i know that's such a fucked up thing to say but i just can't think clearly anymore. i don't know. please let me know if anything similar has happened to you or if you have any idea what might be going on.
[Rant/Rave] Obese childhood friend's "keto" instagram
/u/LeithLeoni
Created: Sat Sep 8 19:41:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e9fd7/obese_childhood_friends_keto_instagram/
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I have a childhood friend who has been nearly 300lb for years, then decided to try to lose weight by doing orange theory and keto. She documents her meals and workouts on an instagram account she created for this ordeal.
​
I should unfollow this account because it frustrates me to no end.
* Keto may allow high fat, but that doesn't mean you can eat 2000 calories of sausage and cheese shit multiple times a day
* The amount of cheese you eat is disgusting
* Your cheese and slop bomb nachos "without tortillas" are not healthy/fit
* When you post about the 500 cals you burned in an hour, I cringe, because I know you think that means you can eat an extra 500 cals of shit today
* NO, YOU DO NOT NEED A CHEAT MEAL
* 25 pounds lost in three months for an obese person is not adequate. Obese people can lose 60 pounds in that long.
​
Sorry I'm happy she's making efforts but it's taking so much will power not to tell her that she is doing things wrong.
Just remembering some stuff
/u/PMMECUTEASIANDUDES [1,57 | 75 kilos | Too much | 5 kilos | F]
Created: Sat Sep 8 19:34:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e9dpp/just_remembering_some_stuff/
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When I was a kid I was very overweight. My pediatrist kept telling my parents that I needed to lose weight.
They didn't of course help me in healthy ways, but in terrible mildly PTSD inducing ways: for example, after serving myself a second serving of pasta, my mom started screaming at me, and then she started crying. I'll never forget this: I'd be crying saying "I'm sorry mommy I won't eat the pasta", my mom crying, forcing me to finish eating it.
My mom was also obese btw.
Idk man. I feel like blaming them for all of this. Both my parents are obese.
My mom found laxatives in my purse and she was all "it's ok to use them, just don't tell your dad, he'll be worried". A year later she found weed in that same purse and all hell broke loose.
How is that even...? Like she was ok with me having an eating disorder but was completely against consuming a bit of MJ.
Anyway, thinking about this brings suicide idealization so maybe it's not the best for me.
I'm sorry about the rant beauts. Can you tell me about the relationship between your parents and food and your disorders?
[Discussion] Any other online active communities like this one?
/u/chrysanthemym [she/her // queer // fuckin' pear shaped]
Created: Sat Sep 8 19:13:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e98zf/any_other_online_active_communities_like_this_one/
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Hey everyone!
I absolutely adore this community. Everyone here is so kind, respectful, understanding, and it feels like everyone genuinely looks out for and cares about each other.
That said, do you know of any other "ProEd" websites, forums, etc. similar to this one?
It always makes me sorta sad whenever I run out of things to read from here, so I would love to hear about what else you guys follow/look at!
I hate how, the more extreme and disordered my eating becomes, the more the world compliments my appearance
/u/quesoandcats
Created: Sat Sep 8 19:11:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e98ka/i_hate_how_the_more_extreme_and_disordered_my/
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I was overweight my entire life, and I hated my body so I dressed like a slob to hide it. I was completely unprepared for the amount of attention I'd get once I lost weight. Compliments, people being so much nicer to me, asking me what my secret is (the secret is i'm insane and measure every gram of food that goes into my stupid worthless body), telling me how hot/pretty/skinny/whatever I am.
Part of me appreciates it but another part of me wants to shake them by the shoulders and scream and cry and sob because I wish I could just eat a damned slice of cake without having a panic attack and wanting to carve my insides out.
I told my friend about something and now she's ignoring me
/u/throwawaysilentcurt [5'5" | CW:127 | GW:105 | lost -72 | 20M]
Created: Sat Sep 8 19:02:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e96cl/i_told_my_friend_about_something_and_now_shes/
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Today someone at work basically shamed me for eating something that was under 40 calories at the absolute most. I've been restricting a lot, and the shame involved with eating in front of other people is difficult for me, and I was too weak to lift an iron skillet of onions with one hand. I knew I had to get my blood sugar up so I just had a bite of something. And this guy just acted disgusted with me.
​
My close friend, who knows that I'm really struggling with eating right now, texted me and asked how I was feeling. I told her about this, and how awful it made me feel and how I had to leave work early because I couldn't stop thinking about it and I felt so gross, especially working with food for the rest of the day. I called her and she asked to call me back in 10. She didn't and she's been ignoring my texts all day since then. I feel even more ashamed now.
​
Now it's 8pm and I haven't eaten anything else today. I feel like I should since I feel very faint, but I just feel so much shame.
[Help] how many shots to get fucked up without too many calories?
/u/peachypeachy9 [5'6.75" | CW 129lb | GW 115lb? | F18]
Created: Sat Sep 8 19:01:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e965i/how_many_shots_to_get_fucked_up_without_too_many/
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i want to drink tomorrow but like one shot of the vodka i have is 150cal, lol
i'm like a 127-128lb and 5'7" girl, and i drink wine like once or twice a month so i dont think my tolerance should be too good. if i drink 2-3 shots on an empty stomach do you think that would be enough to get me drunk?
not sure if this counts as asking for tips but i figured someone whos been drinking for longer would know (im underage lmao)
Book Recommendations?
/u/3owlsinatrenchcoat
Created: Sat Sep 8 18:51:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e93va/book_recommendations/
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Does anyone have any ED related book recommendations? I know we have a library and I've read and enjoyed a lot of them, but I was wondering if anyone had any personal favorites that weren't there.
tbh i'll take any book recommendations you guys have. I'm a slut for reading.
[Rant/Rave] I used to think my family was trying to make me fat on purpose. [possibly TW -recreation of events that led me to the ED]
/u/Malebolgia999
Created: Sat Sep 8 18:39:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e914i/i_used_to_think_my_family_was_trying_to_make_me/
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Weird how our ED's make us feel...When I was younger about 4th grade, I used to get paranoid whenever my mom would cook me food, that she put something in the food (like appetite enhancers) to try to get me fat. It was same irrational fear with vaccines as well. I don't even know where did I got the idea from and I'm just realizing how fucked up my thought process was.
I remember one time when I was with my family at sea, I never felt hungry. I would eat hot dog for breakfast maybe an ice cream and whatever my dad made me eat after he would throw a fit at me and my mother. I felt like it would be better if I didn't exist and I kept loosing the apetite, especially after his anger outbursts. For some reason I contracted a stomach bug, and couldn't eat anything and he would make us go to resturant and order me to order something for myself. (I despised eating out, bc the food would always be greasy and I wouldn't trust it) Then he'd keep asking that I order more even if I clearly said I can't, and that would always end up with me crying and feeling like utter shit.
For some reason during that stay, I remember getting weaker and weaker, the stairs were harder to climb each time (4th floor) and I had to make million pauses. And when we finally went home I remember feeling exstatic that I "lost" my belly fat and felt so good about it.
I used to feel so big in my body and now that I'm looking at my old photos, I can't see what I saw back then. I don't see her fat at all, I see every bone pertruding from that body, and I can only remember the disgust I felt when I didn't look what I wanted to look. My wasted years.
[Tip] pro tip!!
/u/asiaticlily
Created: Sat Sep 8 18:38:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e90uk/pro_tip/
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I’m super trashed and I just took body pics and...holy god, I’m never eating again. I actually look so skinny. I’m literally taking mirror pics like I’m some kinda vs model. I can’t wait to be 125 pounds.lol does anyone else hype themselves up with selfies?
my mom keeps ticking me off
/u/band-aide [5'5.5 | CW: 131 | BMI: 21 | F/19]
Created: Sat Sep 8 18:14:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e8v56/my_mom_keeps_ticking_me_off/
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this is just a dumb rant but i hate how my mom worries all the time about me eating. when i was actually bony af years ago and barely ate she literally didnt care but now that i'm a normal weight (ew) she keeps buying me food i didnt ask for (so naturally i throw that in the garbage once she leaves for work), bringing home leftovers i didnt want (went in the trash as well), cooking me food i didnt ask for (she NEVER cooks me food when i'm eating normally), and constantly asking "DID YOU EAT ANYTHING TODAY BESIDES A GRAPE" (WTF i fucking ate more than that just in front of you... but that was all i ate today sure)
i honestly don't care anymore if it's obvious that i STILL have an eating disorder, because i swear my mom knows jack shit about them and probably assumes they just go away or they're a phase or whatever
i could tell she was pissed after she made me something and i said no thanks because she immediately went out to go smoke
i just don't gaf anymore, i hope i finally reach the weight i used to be this time because it's not like she can legally make me go to therapy anymore
not all of us are comfortable with our weight like you jfc let me lose some weight. i'm always paranoid that she's trying to fuck up my weight loss!
maybe if you cared years ago and gave me some sympathy instead of screaming anytime i have a problem (while also denying that i could possibly ever have a problem...) i wouldn't still be like this
but who knows i figured out years ago i'll always sink back into my eating disorder
[Help] Weird idea
/u/ketokitty13
Created: Sat Sep 8 18:13:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e8uyq/weird_idea/
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Has anyone thought to intentionally eat high-cal foods to mentally train yourself to “eat less” overall? (Volume wise).
Ex: I track like crazy. Because I am SO strict about my calorie limit, eating something like macadamia nuts or avocado for a meal will prevent me from eating much otherwise all day. Eventually I’ll transition to doing this with low cal foods to then further reduce my calorie limit.
Thoughts? Is this self sabotage??
Dependency
/u/nodamncatnodamncradl [5'10 | 140 LB | 20.1 BMI | F]
Created: Sat Sep 8 18:01:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e8ru3/dependency/
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Just thought I'd solicit thoughts and opinions about how everyone considers the idea of dependency.
I've been dependant on romantic partners in the past (co-dependent maybe... and I think this is very common, maybe kind of a defacto result of the patriarchy? idk). I've witnessed so many harmful co-dependent parent/child relationships... although that too is hard to avoid, it seems like human nature to have fucked up parent/child relationships
substances: food, drugs, coffee, or even "highs" from risky behaviour or from the "soothing" compulsion to hoard/misbehave/avoid food or people... all of these things suit needs... and can have positive and negative effects. The positive effects create the dependency. Or.. does habit itself (the pattern reinforcing) have just as much part to play in the maintenance of a "bad habit"
Should we fight interdependence? Is this how to feel more "balanced" ? Or should we embrace "where we are" to feel more free and will this naturally lead to lessen the panic of restraint?
Will we always have dependencies that stress us out? How should we assess which we should address for better health/ self-actualization (and WHEN is it best to address each?)
I don't know what I'm talking about really but o well
[Rant/Rave] Got a job, was called “tiny”
/u/CrushedOats
Created: Sat Sep 8 17:57:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e8qwy/got_a_job_was_called_tiny/
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Omg so I just got hired at a certain mouse children’s entertainment place (it’s my first job woo hoo!!) and the manager when discussing uniform options said “Go to the little boys section at target. You’re tiny and can get your shirt from there”. I honestly think I was more happy to hear that from her than the fact that I was hired. 😅
290 cals, tres pupusas and pico. Sub 500 calories today and I still feel fat. 🤷🏻♀️ show me your food!
/u/Ohshitaghost
Created: Sat Sep 8 17:54:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e8q7x/290_cals_tres_pupusas_and_pico_sub_500_calories/
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https://i.redd.it/2uyn734tr3l11.jpg
[Help] I’ve lost weight but I still feel fat
/u/hopeless_anon [5'5 | CW: 115 LW: 85 | 17F]
Created: Sat Sep 8 17:14:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e8gal/ive_lost_weight_but_i_still_feel_fat/
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Just feeling sad and idk what to do. I used to be skinny, 85lbs until I was sent to the hospital (which I needed tbh) and i left at like 92lbs. But after I got sent to residential for 5 months and I gained all the way up to 120!
I was fed equal amounts of food and bullshit logic. They seriously limited my veggies to one cup per day... and shoved HAES logic in my face. I guess I feel a bit better that I have a doctor that relays on actual science now and tells me to eat veggies and moderately exercise.
But I’ve managed to lose ~8lbs (putting me at 112) in the past few weeks but I still feel so gross. :(
Why didn’t I know about these? Only 11.99 USD at target!!!
/u/Aprikoosi_flex [5'9" | cw 127 | gw 117 | ugw 110 | 25F💎]
Created: Sat Sep 8 17:12:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e8fpm/why_didnt_i_know_about_these_only_1199_usd_at/
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https://i.imgur.com/zJWsu2B.jpg
Up 8lbs in one month
/u/itsafood
Created: Sat Sep 8 17:10:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e8f4z/up_8lbs_in_one_month/
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So frustrated. Made it to an all time adult LW in March this year, gained 12lbs by July, lost 9 in August, then gained 8 again in just the past month. I'm 25lbs from my 1st GW and it looks so far away. I want to waste away to nothingness, I don't want to lose more muscle mass, I want to magically become perfect overnight or die in my sleep either is fine.
Mentally I'm just all over the place. I'm trying to read up on adult ADD and it's (predictably) going poorly. There's been so much coffee and so little mental alertness. It's like I'm walking a tightrope and most days I can only just get by, some days I can look up and forward, and too often I feel like I'm falling and the fear of hitting bottom is all consuming.
I don't know what to do with myself. It's not just about weight, I wish it was just about weight.
Food baby - thanks for making me want to never eat again :/
/u/napoleonfucker69
Created: Sat Sep 8 16:57:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e8br1/food_baby_thanks_for_making_me_want_to_never_eat/
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I can't be the only one that gets excessively bloated everytime they eat an average sized meal. I'm tiny and recently lost quite a lot of fat - so much that my stomach has for the first time in my life looked normal and not as if I was constantly munching on burgers. But the moment I put food into my system, I seem to be ready to give birth. And the bloating doesn't go away until I birth the food baby through my asshole.
It's been 8 hours since my meal and I had a poop since (tmi!) and I still look like an inflaten baloon. Fuck me, this wasn't a good day for wearing a tight dress.
Relapse
/u/amooni95
Created: Sat Sep 8 16:50:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e89zc/relapse/
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August of 2017, I decided to stop smoking. I picked up the habit after avoiding food and it worked. Fast forward a year and I'm struggling with binge eating again and somehow the one time smoke session I had last week is still happening. I feel like shit. Either I eat or I smoke. Fuck me and my addiction to addictions.
Today I found and fit in a shirt I thought I threw away years ago because I got too fat for it.
/u/xerox13ster [5'7" | 258 | Goal: 250 | 40.9 | 30 | F]
Created: Sat Sep 8 16:43:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e88fr/today_i_found_and_fit_in_a_shirt_i_thought_i/
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It fits like a dream! It's still soft and comfy, and it doesn't even show my muffin top off like other t-shirts (I hate t-shirts in general because of that)
I'm so so happy. I never wanna take it off now, it was my favorite shirt, and now I have it back! 😆❤❤❤❤
I'm an evil liar?????
/u/doubleflipheart [SW - 70 kg ❣️ CW - 55.5 kg ❣️ GW - 47.5 kg]
Created: Sat Sep 8 16:43:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e88e7/im_an_evil_liar/
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My friend is trying to lose weight and be healthier because she's on the heavier side. Every time she asks me for advice on what to eat or what's healthy I lie. She doesn't know about nutrition to she makes poor choices thinking they're healthy and I just agree and let her think that. I don't want her to get thinner than me. She's already prettier and rn I'm the skinny one. She's already the center of attention and super popular. I feel so guilty, but I just want to have this one thing going for me, you know? The monster inside of me is just causing me to be a horrible person
fuck target dressing rooms
/u/reallypissedoffrant
Created: Sat Sep 8 16:39:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e87kh/fuck_target_dressing_rooms/
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I was having a pretty decent day up until now. Hiked 6 miles, ate well within my calorie limit, saw a movie with a friend, and went thrifting. Then I went to target and my dumbass decides to try on a dress that was on clearance.
The store had one of those 3-way mirrors and fluorescent lighting that lets you see EVERYTHING. I guess I’ve been avoiding my reflection lately, and I was absolutely horrified. I am massive. Huge stomach, thighs, cellulite. Cue mini breakdown, crying for an hour, and my mom yelling at me for eating salad without dressing for dinner.
Fuck target mirrors and fuck forced recovery.
[Rant/Rave] Anyone else bitter that no matter what they do they just cant lose weight
/u/BlurJAMD [5'4" | CW: 140lbs | GW: 110lbs | NB]
Created: Sat Sep 8 16:36:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e86sx/anyone_else_bitter_that_no_matter_what_they_do/
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Should I do more exercising? Half my calories? Cut off a leg???
[Rant/Rave] post-fast weighing
/u/songfireleaf [5'8 | CW 159 | BMI 23.91 | GW 100| he/him]
Created: Sat Sep 8 16:34:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e8685/postfast_weighing/
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The worst thing about a fast is that I compulsively weigh myself after I break the fast. I have to weigh myself after every time I go to the bathroom if I'm at my apartment, and I just in general weigh myself too much. I weighed myself yesterday before breaking it, and then after breaking it. It was like a 1.5lb difference and I didn't have a ton of high-calorie stuff and I had a lot of water, but god it hurts so much to see the difference (even if logically I know it's not that much of a difference, especially since I definitely didn't even eat maintenance yesterday). It also really, really hurts to know what weight I should expect to be in the morning, and see myself higher than that weight because I ate. It makes me just want to curl up in a ball and stay there forever. Everything feels gross. I feel gross.
[Tip] who else loves these???
/u/crossdressingcarp
Created: Sat Sep 8 16:32:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e85j4/who_else_loves_these/
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https://i.redd.it/qq27ib32d3l11.jpg
Terrified of balooning up
/u/cornpoppet [160cm | CW🐳 | BMI ~21 | -35lbs | 17F]
Created: Sat Sep 8 16:32:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e85ii/terrified_of_balooning_up/
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I'm really scared. I still can't get out of this 4 month long binge cycle properly. I can restrict for a day or two but I can never make it to day three, which always leads to a day long binge.
Im already so uncomfortable with my body being in the 110s. If I gain any more I am terrified of what it will do to my mind. I was never the major binging kind before and now i feel so out of control. A few times ive turned to alcohol as a means of punishment. Sometimes I mix it with drowsy medication as well.
It feels like I can't stop. Restrict. Binge. Punish. No matter what I do, I feel like my health is in jeopardy. FML
*Sorry if this is unreadable, im on mobile.
Just started restricting after gaining like 40 pounds in two years. Someone please tell me wether rice cakes will make me fat or not.
/u/lokiinthesky
Created: Sat Sep 8 16:31:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e85cq/just_started_restricting_after_gaining_like_40/
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I tend to eat when I’m bored, and I’ve been cut from a lot of my working hours so I’m at home way too often with nothing to do. I recently started to stay under 1200 calories a day, and I basically eat a rice cake for breakfast and whenever I feel myself about to binge on something sweet.
That means that I eat about 3 rice cakes a day total. My other food usually includes fruit, focaccia with chicken salad on it, or tuna mixed with spinach.
I don’t eat a shit ton of carbs or anything, but will the rice cakes make me bloat?
I’m so paranoid
Spent like 2 hours planning out my lunch, finally convinced myself to eat & then I settle for good ol’ iced coffee
/u/skinnylilalien
Created: Sat Sep 8 16:09:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e7zso/spent_like_2_hours_planning_out_my_lunch_finally/
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I Feel like I wasted all that time stressing over what I’m gonna eat 🙃
[Rant/Rave] Rant of sadness and shame
/u/Yazqueen88
Created: Sat Sep 8 16:00:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e7xcp/rant_of_sadness_and_shame/
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My coworkers bought me a gigantic veggie burger and fries (probs 1200 calories or some ridiculous shit) and I just ate it all. D:
I hate the feeling of it in my stomach, it's like a giant rock that is melting in to fat that will stick to my bones. What a huge setback, I'm so upset and disappointed in myself for not finding a way to not eat it without disappointing everyone.
Sorry for the rant, just feeling so alone and upset right now.
[Rant/Rave] He called me skinny
/u/1354267
Created: Sat Sep 8 15:48:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e7u9y/he_called_me_skinny/
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I’ve been sleeping with this guy for a long time, and I definitely really like him. This morning he looked at me while I was totally naked and said that it looked like I had lost a lot of weight and I was looking skinny. I cannot tell you the last time that’s happened to me. I honestly have been having a hard time seeing progress recently, but that just felt so fucking validating. There are a lot of posts about how being called thicc kinda sucks, and like 6 months ago people always said I look thicc, but now no one says that and it feels kind of awesome. I don’t know. I’m just really happy about it.
[Rant/Rave] Daily struggles
/u/Poopburb
Created: Sat Sep 8 15:19:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e7mpo/daily_struggles/
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Everyday I wake up saying “I’m gonna eat super healthy and stay under 1,000 calories” then mid day I end up getting hungry and binging on so much junk food. Once I’m done eating I feel so terrible and upset with myself for not practicing self control so I decide to throw it up. After my stomach is empty I tell myself “tomorrow will be different. I won’t do this again”.
And everyday I end up doing it, again.
[Discussion] Dreams/Nightmares...
/u/moonchldx
Created: Sat Sep 8 15:02:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e7i2v/dreamsnightmares/
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So the past couple of days I’ve eaten quite low in my calorie intake due to being sick and just tired all the time... sucks cause I haven’t been able to even workout either!
But... last night I had 2 nightmares literally nightmares about waking up in the middle of the night & eating all the cookies, tub of ice cream and a cake we have in the fridge... I had to check this morning to make sure it was a dream and I wasn’t like sleep walking or something!
I’ve never had nightmares like this before... it was soooo strange!
Does anyone else have these types of dreams/nightmares?
[Rant/Rave] pride and p a i n
/u/lightningmcqueef69 [5'5" | 119.6 | 19.75 | 18 | enby ]
Created: Sat Sep 8 14:49:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e7eh4/pride_and_p_a_i_n/
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i may physically feel like shit- my joints hurt, head hurts, it's hard to move around or even stand without feeling like i'm going to pass out- but my total calories for the week are less than a single day of maintenance! (yet i've only lost 2.6lbs yikes)
i've fasted 5/7 days and i'm aiming for 6 days next week! feel free to brag about ur victories this week, or go off! idc!
*also gentle but firm reminder to hydrate even if ur not eating u need it babes*
I started crying because of a salad.
/u/twelve_dollars
Created: Sat Sep 8 14:36:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e7b5o/i_started_crying_because_of_a_salad/
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It wasn't even my salad.
Last night my mom went to the store for a couple hours, and on her way home she stopped and ordered a salad without really looking at the menu, and was thinking she was getting something healthy. It wasn't.
The salad came out with two side cups of dressing and dressing already on it, three large pieces of fried breaded chicken, avocado, tortilla strips, and some other vegetables. The whole thing was just over 900 calories.
I love my mom, and she is overweight. Part of it isn't her fault. She had breast cancer a few years ago, and it spread to her lymph nodes, which she then had to get removed. So she has a lot of fluid retention that despite going to physical therapy for, she cannot completely control.
Part of it is her fault. She says she wants to lose weight, and follows a diet for a few weeks or so, before losing steam, and going back to overeating at night.
When I saw her salad I just couldn't help it my heart just dropped, and started to cry. I had made oven baked falafel for myself, and made more than enough for her, but I hadn't been clear enough about that and she felt like she had to get something out. And I just felt so guilty and seeing so many calories in one meal just made me start to panic.
When she saw me crying, she was confused, and I explained that it was super unhealthy, and very calorie dense. I guess in an effort to comfort me, she told me that she didn't want it to go to waste, but that I could portion it out for her. She said, "I guess it is pretty bad, but I don't do eat like this very often." which made me just cry harder, because she's in denial. I portioned out what I thought was okay, and put the rest in the fridge, and gave her a hug.
I love my mom so much, but I feel like the way she eats is killing her, and I don't know how to communicate that. I don't want her to die, ever really, but especially not soon. And I just feel so guilty. Guilty for not communicating better that I could provide her something better, and guilty for making her watch her 19 y/o son cry over a stupid salad.
[Other] Ate a pickle and I feel full???
/u/Thtcrazygiraffe
Created: Sat Sep 8 14:27:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e78nn/ate_a_pickle_and_i_feel_full/
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This whole week I’ve been bingeing, like 3 meals for dinner level bingeing. Today I decided to fast to reset and just now I ate a half a pickle (10 cals) and I literally feel like I binged. Like it’s making me feel guilty now for even just those 10 cals because I was happy with how hungry I felt before
Do you ever "binge" but when you actully count out your calories you are still way under a "healthy" amount?
/u/ButterflyThin [66" | 177 | 28.68 | -73 | F]
Created: Sat Sep 8 14:18:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e76c1/do_you_ever_binge_but_when_you_actully_count_out/
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Do not get my wrong, I have had massive 7000 calorie binges. But last night I felt like a failure and like I had binged. I had just under 900 calories, which is still 400 more than I wanted but 300 less than "healthy". How can my stupid brain even see that as a binge?
DAE if I call every other workout "active recovery" I'm not hurting myself?
/u/canarybones
Created: Sat Sep 8 14:14:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e758k/dae_if_i_call_every_other_workout_active_recovery/
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I'm really puffy and sore all the time and losing no weight. I think it's water from the stress of overtraining, masking my fat loss? I eat too much, yeah, but I've stopped binging and there's just no way someone could go to the gym and fuck themselves up as bad as I do every single day - typically an hour of lifting heavy ("Gluteal Goddess" program from Strong Curves) + 3 mile run + 1-2 miles incline walking - and not be at the VERY LEAST recomping?
It's hard to tell if I'm recomping, because I look like the same old blob! I hurt so much I can barely move! I keep googling if being sore means you're still burning calories, and it's all contradictory pseudoscience! What to do? DAE??
[Discussion] Favorite low cal snacks / fall treats?
/u/WantsToPetAllTheDogs
Created: Sat Sep 8 14:01:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e71on/favorite_low_cal_snacks_fall_treats/
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Trying to stock up on supplies before the big storm (potentially) hits, and curious about what y’all’s favorite snacks and fall/seasonal treats are!
[Rant/Rave] Sick for weeks and not able to eat, and am having some serious mixed feelings
/u/cocacolonization [5'8" |cw maintaining| 27F]
Created: Sat Sep 8 13:52:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e6z5r/sick_for_weeks_and_not_able_to_eat_and_am_having/
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Why does it feel so different to throw up after every meal when I’m not doing it on purpose? Why don’t I feel the same satisfaction from fasting for days when I physically can’t eat?
I used to think being sick like this would be the kind of godsend I’d need to finally reach my goal weight, but I’m fucking miserable. I don’t want this. I have no idea what’s wrong with me, I’m more exhausted than I’ve ever been while sleeping 20 hours a day, I can’t go out in public for more than 30 minutes without a fainting or puking near-miss, and I just want everything to go back to normal.
You need a small...
/u/laisserai [4'11| cw: 🐳 | F]
Created: Sat Sep 8 13:24:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e6rbs/you_need_a_small/
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At work we change shirts every ~month - 2 months. I always get a size medium. It's not big but it's not right. It's just loose enough that I feel comfortable.
We got new shirts today. The only sizes left were large and small. I was going towards a large because I absolutely hate tight shirts. My manager said oh no you need a small. And I said oh I usually wear medium so I'm just gonna grab a large she said no, save it for the people that need it. (We always end up having extra large shirts left so I know there is more than enough)
So I wore a small. And every step I take I can feel the fabric of the shirt touching my hips. I feel like everyone is staring at me. I have been sucking in my whole shift which I guess is a good workout but I am so so so so uncomfortable.
I'm honestly thinking of calling in sick next week so it's one less shift I have to wear this shirt.
I feel so disgusting... I want to restrict even more now. :(
- on mobile so can't flair
I just broke a tooth mid-binge,
/u/HowlingRedWolf
Created: Sat Sep 8 12:37:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e6ec9/i_just_broke_a_tooth_midbinge/
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chewed on it, swallowed it; then stopped for a minute to realize what just had happened. I slid my tongue across my teeth, stared at my crooked smile in the mirror; I cried and I carried on my binge.
​
[Rant/Rave] A rant on pancakes and avocados
/u/liveinthemeoww
Created: Sat Sep 8 12:25:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e6b1v/a_rant_on_pancakes_and_avocados/
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In my early 20's I was very anorexic. Now, late 20's, all I've done is gain and gain and I'm now classified obese.
Pretty sure I'm my old self's worst nightmare.
Anyway, today was pretty standard. I tried to eat well, ate one thing outside of my plan (a fucking avocado) and then decided to c/s some pancakes and give up counting cals for the day AGAIN.
I *need* to lose some weight, I'm so tempted to go back to 500 a day but I have a heart condition / issue I'm waiting to get checked out so I know it'd be a potentailly bad idea to restrict heavily at the moment. I feel so lost and confused and I'm not sure and I don't know how to lose this weight in a *normal* way.
I have to have a med review soon and I'm worried they will switch my antipsychotics to something that will make my appetite even bigger. I can't live like this!
/rant.
Thought about cooking homemade food for my dogs so I feel safe knowing I can cook without needing to eat.
/u/m3th4n3
Created: Sat Sep 8 12:03:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e651v/thought_about_cooking_homemade_food_for_my_dogs/
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I’m not going to because I’m not confident in my ability to get their specific nutritional requirements met without the help of commercial kibble (one of my dogs is still a puppy) but I was really excited about it for a while.
I figured I’d get to be involved in nutrition and food prep without ever needing to eat anything I cooked but I don’t want to put my own needs/ED over the health of my beloved dogs. Oh well :(
Just wanted to vent my disappointment... Thanks for reading ♡
[Discussion] How do I get back into a restriction phase?
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Sep 8 11:47:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e60ti/how_do_i_get_back_into_a_restriction_phase/
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[deleted]
[Rant/Rave] Wooo boy today is going to be a high calorie day
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2 | 149 | Aiming for 146 by 9/25 | -12| f21]
Created: Sat Sep 8 11:42:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e5z8u/wooo_boy_today_is_going_to_be_a_high_calorie_day/
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Just a whiny rant
I've been hanging around 800-900 since the end of August. Today I'm being forced to eat a ton of high calorie stuff and I want to which is worse. Like this use to be my routine and I know that one day of 1500-1800 won't matter in the long term, But I couldn't say I'm exactly comfortable with the number. At the very least it's planned so it's not a binge which is a little better
[Help] Help.. I binged last night. Need some encouraging words please?
/u/Tatytat24
Created: Sat Sep 8 11:42:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e5z5o/help_i_binged_last_night_need_some_encouraging/
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So I binged hardcore last night. I was 125.4 now I'm 127.9 this morning. I'm hoping it will go back down in 2 days. Going to pick some water pills and magnesium citrate probably after work. I'm so sad/mad at myself for doing this again.
[Help] What do I do with my hair?
/u/the_stalking_leopard
Created: Sat Sep 8 11:38:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e5y6b/what_do_i_do_with_my_hair/
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I've had a really bad b/p for the past few months. My hair a few weeks ago just really starting showing what's up, and it's like straw now, and all my curl is gone, I might as well be a broom tbh.
What can I do to save it besides trying to be a healthy person? Would a certain haircut help??
[Rant/Rave] social obligations UGH
/u/cortizonegnome [5'3" | CW: 107 | GW 94 | F]
Created: Sat Sep 8 11:30:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e5w0u/social_obligations_ugh/
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For once, I'm not hungry. I'm genuinely not hungry. I have no interest in eating and I know if I keep to it I could probably do a fast and get to my GW quicker. HOWEVER I have club activities and social obligations and it's my friend's birthday. pizza, korean fried chicken, hot pot, soju, svedka, makgoli, bdubs, etc. fatty, fried, alcoholic. all shoved down my throat b/c that's just how college kids eat. Just over the next two days I'm going to have to eat multiple meals and heavily drink multiple times because eating is so central to our culture. I want to just stay inside so I can eat the way I want to eat but when I cancel plans it feels good in the moment but makes me sad in the long run b.c, turns out, if you keep turning people down eventually they'll go away. Why can't get togethers be *experiences* why does it always, always have to be around eating. One of the groups I'm drinking with tonight is mostly Korean and their drinking culture is actually going to kill my liver I swear to god. It's just like I *always* want to eat and I *always* overeat. And the one week that I could actually diet well I find myself forced over and over to go out and eat/drink. Ik this is stupid and I should be grateful for my friends. I am! Truly! I feel very lucky to even have this as an issue. but just..im so fat rn guys asdfdas
First time posting
/u/bbdoc826
Created: Sat Sep 8 11:17:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e5sew/first_time_posting/
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I have been following this group for months since my most recent relapse, but have been too nervous to post, but seriously needed to vent. I have had an eating disorder for 13 years, but haven’t been under weight in 7-8 and am desperate to get back. Had to post today because I am going crazy - started with a personal trainer to Incorporate more weight lifting etc into my usually exclusive cardio and ab workouts and did way too many squats and this is the third day I can’t work out - have not missed more than a day in months and I can’t handle it, but my legs are so painful I can barely walk :( trying to restrict to under 300 compared to my usual 5-700 (with 1000 calorie workout on top) but I am a doctor and work crazy hours on my feet and need to be mentally clear. Any advice? Any other doctors out there?
[Rant/Rave] Injured my foot. S/O to drunk me.
/u/_Spicy_Lemon_ [5'6 | CW 130.8 | GW 120 | UGW 100| F]
Created: Sat Sep 8 10:39:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e5ixp/injured_my_foot_so_to_drunk_me/
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It sucks. I can't function like this. I need my cardio. I need the stress relief. I need it to balance out those 6 beers that led to injury. I was supposed to be on a long hard hike today. Instead I'm just gaining the ability to not wince with toe movement & ate a huge slice of pizza w/egg after being screamed at by my mom. I was so close to eating normal with minor restriction. Nope. Haha Happy Saturday yall.
[Rant/Rave] can this kill me faster thanks
/u/milovsflo
Created: Sat Sep 8 10:31:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e5gmt/can_this_kill_me_faster_thanks/
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I binged again. This means I'll starve myself tomorrow. And I don't feel any kind of emotion about all of this, in fact I feel empty. Which is probably the reason why I do this in the first place. I have no purpose in life other than hurting myself. I'm numb to everything other than food and weight. I'm literally going through the worst time of my life, just waiting for my shitty habits to kill me.
[Help] How to encourage a woosh?
/u/lilmdjd [5'3 | CW: 135 | LW: 95 | GW 115 | 23F]
Created: Sat Sep 8 10:29:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e5gbq/how_to_encourage_a_woosh/
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I haven’t binged at alllll in 2 weeks, fasted 50 hours and have been staying between 800-900 the rest of the time AND have been exercising 3-5 times a week moderately. And I have still only lost about ONE pound.
I know it must be water weight. I have rheumatoid arthritis and I’m very sore so I know my joints are probably retaining some fluid. Plus my period is next week. Any tips to encourage a woosh? Other than a higher cal day which I may or may not do on Monday? I’m also gonna chug a ton of water today and maybe take the weekend off from running to let my muscles rest.
[Help] Has anyone tried the 2468 diet?
/u/citrus_juuiice
Created: Sat Sep 8 10:28:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e5gbk/has_anyone_tried_the_2468_diet/
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I’m thinking about it. How much did you eat on weekends? How much did you lose?
[Rant/Rave] Delusional friend??
/u/Xelaalba [165cm | CW52.4kg | 19.2 | GW 50kg | F]
Created: Sat Sep 8 10:09:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e5bok/delusional_friend/
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My friend thinks I'm too skinny and I think she's actually nuts
Like okay, I might be on the thinner side when compared to the "average" person but I'm healthy and I'm not underweight in the slightest, my BMI is 19.2 ffs. But she's CONVINCED that I'm too skinny and should put on some weight. She thinks my legs look 'childlike', which straight up isn't true - since when are perfectly normal sized legs 'childlike'?? And anyway, lets not pretend those comments won't encourage me to lose more weight because hell yes my legs look like that to you?? gREAT!!
I just want to know what's wrong with being thin? She thinks that just because I'm not curvy or 'thicc' I should gain weight. I'm convinced it's because she's slightly overweight that she sees me like this. And I'd be the last person to tell her to lose weight.
Part of me wants to lose weight just to prove that I'm not underweight, like "YOU THOUGHT I WAS SKINNY THEN, LOOK AT ME NOW" but I'm not that petty lol
I'm not gonna gain weight because she thinks I should, anyway. In the end, shouldn't it be what makes me happy? And gaining would make me want to kill myself so that's NOT what i'm about to do...
I just needed to rant about this for a sec because she's really been getting to me with the comments on my body. I don't need to be mothered!!! Let me be as happy with my weight as I can be!! Stop confusing me even more!!!
[Rant/Rave] Last night
/u/aceshighsays [5'2" | +12.2 | LW: 107.8 | GW: 95]
Created: Sat Sep 8 09:46:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e55ey/last_night/
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Yesterday I was out with my party friends. They kept getting cabs for our group but always ordered for less than the actual amount of people we had. I sat on 3 different individuals laps and constantly apologized for weighting so much. I am so HUGE!
Resisted the pastries!
/u/DistortionPuddle [5'7"| CW:138 | BMI:21.6 | GW:125 | 31F]
Created: Sat Sep 8 09:43:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e54su/resisted_the_pastries/
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(On mobile, but do we have a flair for personal victories?)
So at the coffee shop where I work, we get new pastry in on Saturday mornings, which means any old pastry is up for grabs. Usually it gets thrown out, but sometimes we’ll take them and snack while we get ready to open. I’ve been restricting pretty successfully this week and actually hit 136.5 this morning (lowest in a couple years! Woohoo!), so I was def feeling snacky. I thought I wanted to tear into the scones, but I took one bite and found I didn’t enjoy it AT ALL. Spit it out and threw them all away. The only pastry I *did* want was the super buttery cornbread, but the only one left got dropped on the floor as I was about to take it. Exploded into a million crumbs, so I couldn’t even call “five second rule.” Lol! Saved from myself by gravity.
All this to say, avoided a pastry binge! Plus I walked an hour to work rather than driving, so I’m feeling good about my day so far.
[Discussion] Did the pill effect your weight??
/u/lecollecteur
Created: Sat Sep 8 09:27:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e510e/did_the_pill_effect_your_weight/
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Did it make you gain weight ??
[Rant/Rave] People calling me "thicc" as a compliment
/u/hi_im_hippo
Created: Sat Sep 8 09:17:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e4yvd/people_calling_me_thicc_as_a_compliment/
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Different account from my main for privacy. I've lurked on this sub for a bit now but first time poster.
I get it's *supposed* to be a compliment, but it kills me inside. Yes, I have thighs. No, I don't want them. Please stop commenting on other people's bodies! It always triggers me into not eating the rest of the day, which imo is great, but it also leaves me feeling really negative. I hate thinking about my body or being made aware of it.
I hate how erratic and illogical weight loss seemingly is sometimes.
/u/gengar001
Created: Sat Sep 8 09:15:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e4yej/i_hate_how_erratic_and_illogical_weight_loss/
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It is so stupid how there are days where I have fasted, only to see the number on the scale stay the same or even rise! Conversely, I have had days where I was sure that I would gain weight and see a higher number on a scale because I had binged or just eaten, but the scale shows that I have lost weight. Metabolically, these things should not be happening because of thermodynamics and CICO, but clearly, there are about a thousand other unaccounted factors at play as well.
It is legitmately driving me insane, particularly because I run on such a heavy (hah) feedback loop. Losing weight motivates me and makes me want to keep going, keep restricting, keep fasting. Seeing that I’ve plateaued or gained only triggers another binge. Sigh.
[Discussion] Another Asian models diet video
/u/Gutterslutcunt
Created: Sat Sep 8 08:57:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e4uol/another_asian_models_diet_video/
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https://youtu.be/fW5HB7q0B4w
[Discussion] PMS hitting a lot harder/sooner when restricting?
/u/twa1238 [F25| 158cm | CW 🐄 |]
Created: Sat Sep 8 08:41:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e4rip/pms_hitting_a_lot_hardersooner_when_restricting/
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I usually am a cry baby two or three days before my period and a bit more sensitive but I’m never hungry or craving anything the week before my period.
Often I use the time to fast.
The week before my last period I started low restricting, but this week it was so hard to control myself, I had constant cravings, I couldn’t get full. I never ate over maintenance but almost every day I doubled the calories l ate before (around 1000). Yesterday I was so tired I slept almost all day, even though I went to bed early the night before. I’m super tired again today, I just want to go to bed and it’s only 4 in the afternoon. My mood is terrible, I’ve had nightmares the last few nights, I cried while walking the dog, I got into a nonsense fight with someone.
I also gained 500 gram over night, which didn’t help cheering me up, actually I also had a nice hour long cry about that too. Yay!
Now I’m desperately hoping it’s my period and water weight but it’s 5 days too early for that (I’m like a clockwork usually) and I didn’t even restrict as hard as the weeks before the last 6 days so there’s no reason for my body to act like this...
[Tip] Black Swan is triggering as fuck... Natalie Portman is ultimate short girl goals
/u/PM_ME_BrusselSprouts [5'3" | CW: 165 | BMI: 30.0 | 33, F]
Created: Sat Sep 8 08:32:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e4pmk/black_swan_is_triggering_as_fuck_natalie_portman/
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https://i0.wp.com/clothesonfilm.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/black_swan_movie_image_natalie_portman_02.jpg?fit=1040%2C693&ssl=1
I'm a chocolate addict.
/u/[deleted]
Created: Sat Sep 8 08:13:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e4lyb/im_a_chocolate_addict/
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[deleted]
[Rant/Rave] Oh boy!!!
/u/asiaticlily
Created: Sat Sep 8 08:07:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e4krd/oh_boy/
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When you drink a literal shit ton of wine, and end up being 136 pounds because hangover nausea takes away your appetite???? Did I just figure out a way to make my way to 130 pounds while also getting wasted all the time??
[Rant/Rave] Nothing is working
/u/comrade_toastboy [65" | CW 119| GW 110 | UGW 105 | F]
Created: Sat Sep 8 07:32:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e4d8u/nothing_is_working/
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I’ve hit a plateau at 119, been stuck here for a week and it’s getting really discouraging. I’ve been eating less than 700 calories a day and starving myself and purging all for nothing. It’s as if my body is trying to hold on to as much fat as possible. Next week I’m gonna go down to 400 max and exercise more and see if that helps.
[Rant/Rave] 'you're too fat haha' kinda jokes and a rant about friends
/u/taikutsuu [5'9'' | cw: 120, -32 | 17.2 bmi | gw: 105 | 18f]
Created: Sat Sep 8 07:11:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e48l0/youre_too_fat_haha_kinda_jokes_and_a_rant_about/
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I hate them so much. I mean, the jokes. I can usually take a lot of jokes and shit, and my friends know. I get all kinds of shit thrown at me all the time, and I don't really mind. It's always been like that and I'm used to it, honestly.
But with the fat jokes, it's a bit different. They actually do hurt like hell. Yesterday a jeans of mine ripped at the knee a bit when I kneeled down and a friend felt the need to say 'hah, maybe you're just too fat for these jeans haha!!'.
I can't say I'm offended because I'm obviously not fat, so why even care or take it seriously? I can't say they offend me despite that because I struggle with my weight, because my friends wouldn't fucking believe. I'm fasting and restricting to 300 cals and they see me eat some fries once and ask 'why the fuck aren't you fat, all I see you do is eat'. They're so ignorant.
One friend of mine I legit told I was eating like 400 cals a day for the past two weeks and he's "you are so lucky, I would be so hungry if I did that lol". Like ????? Dude, my BMI is almost in the 16's. I've lost 30 pounds in like the past three to four months and y'all know I don't exercise. I'm fucking starving and fainting in front of y'all and blaming it on lack of sleep so I don't have to explicitly say that I have anorexia because it hurts me too much. It just feels like they don't give a fuck. Could you please care?
Currently crying in Starbucks car park
/u/graeciamagna
Created: Sat Sep 8 06:57:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e458m/currently_crying_in_starbucks_car_park/
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I ate at around 800 all week, yesterday I went over my calories and ate like 1400, and I've gained weight this week too. I thought I'd treat myself to a Starbucks today because I've been feeling super down the last few days. I did a mobile order because fuck talking to people. I ordered a Maple Rooibos Tea Latte with maple syrup sugar, maple syrup and some extra sugar free syrups. Because I went over yesterday sure but I was and am still fucking starving and I've eaten bland shitty food all fucking week.
I go in and they don't have my drink. They didn't bother to call. They start hounding me about what I want as a replacement and don't offer me a refund so I take some dumb caramel latte and walk out, now I'm sitting here crying because I had planned and customised this drink for like five days straight and they didn't bother to call me to tell me they didn't have it. And fuck off if I'm wasting calories on something I don't want.
No one else understands how much it hurts to have your food plans thrown under the bus. I'm so upset. I wanted a refund but he was so like DO YOU WANT THIS THIS THIS THIS IS and I was like no I don't even really come here I just really love Rooibos tea and he was like WELL WE DON'T HAVE ANY DO YOU WANT THIS THIS THIS and I was like jesus christ just give me a fucking whatever latte so I can get the fuck out of here before I start crying
How important is fibre?
/u/eightstone [Height: 5ft 7 | CW: 8st 8lbs| BMI: 19 | Gender: F]
Created: Sat Sep 8 06:53:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e4482/how_important_is_fibre/
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Hello all! I try to eat around 500 calories a day and admittedly I don't pay much attention to fibre. I regularly eat things like baked beans, tinned chickpeas, spaghetti hoops, popcorn, and cup-a-soups. I honestly don't know what the fibre content is in these foods. I've recently been considering adding Fibre One 90 calorie brownies to my shop but the brownies look pretty small for 90 calories (take up less space than an 80 calorie cup-a-soup or an 85 calorie bag of salted popcorn in my tum). However, if the added fibre in a Fibre One brownie will make me feel extra full, then they may be worth it. Do any of you recommend/recommend against bothering with Fibre One? I've read some reviews that suggest that the fibre content in a Fibre One isn't even particularly high and I'd be better off eating an apple.
[Rant/Rave] i should have never bought a scale
/u/fweakybby [5’5” | 132| 22.0 | 68lbs | F]
Created: Sat Sep 8 06:45:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e42o1/i_should_have_never_bought_a_scale/
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it’s always in my closet saying “hey ya know you could weigh yourself”. which sucks bc it’s even worse when i know i’ve been fucking up restriction and it feels like my brain is trying to punish me by forcing me to look at what i’ve done. ugh i’m so over all this. i low key thought i could stop whenever i wanted but it’s becoming very apparent this is something i’m stuck with. i don’t want help because help means gaining weight, but i’d be lying if i said this isn’t scary. i’ve been eating & stuff trying to ignore it but i can’t. on loop in my head is “don’t fucking eat that you already ate 300 calories before 5pm”. i’m realizing how easy it is to fall into this. it started w me losing weight on my own, then i kept saying well if i actually stop eating so much i bet i’ll lose more. and it’s been like that for the past year and a half, down 60+ pounds. now i’m stuck at 132 because i can’t get my shit together and maintain my 1,000 calorie max. ugh sorry this is all over the place just needed to rant.
What do you do at the gym?
/u/thinwishes_ [5'7" | CW 135 lb | GW 125 lb | UGW 120 lb | F]
Created: Sat Sep 8 06:16:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e3wsq/what_do_you_do_at_the_gym/
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[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! September 08, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Sep 8 06:11:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e3vpr/stupid_questions_saturday_september_08_2018/
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This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for September 08, 2018.
Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.
Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**
*****
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
Daily Food Diary! September 08, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Sep 8 06:10:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e3vhr/daily_food_diary_september_08_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for September 08, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Discussion] What’s something you always buy from the grocery store?
/u/elfphy
Created: Sat Sep 8 05:31:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e3o6s/whats_something_you_always_buy_from_the_grocery/
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For me it’s coffee, eggs, and lettuce! Aka the most boring foods on this planet
I might need help spicing up my next shopping trip :P
I made a push notification feed (desktop/mobile) for posts of r/proED that have a minimum of 50 Karma.
/u/PathOfSilence
Created: Sat Sep 8 04:44:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e3fyq/i_made_a_push_notification_feed_desktopmobile_for/
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https://pushmio.gq/feed/proED
[Discussion] An songs/artists that keep you going?
/u/blood-n-caffiene
Created: Sat Sep 8 04:01:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e38j6/an_songsartists_that_keep_you_going/
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Doesn’t necessarily have to be ED-themed, but stuff you relate to/makes you feel good/ inspire you/ anything! I’ll share mine:)
1. “Fuck You” - Toxic Narcotic
2. “The Woman Song” - Resist & Exist
3. “Both Human” - Thulsa Doom
4. “Sexist Appeal” - Aus Rotten
5. “Head Split” - Necro
6. “Know Your Enemy”- Rage Against the Machine
7. “Seneca Falls”- The Distillers
[Tip] Low cal alcohol
/u/taglilie
Created: Sat Sep 8 03:49:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e36f0/low_cal_alcohol/
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Does anyone know any low cal alcohols?
I live in Australia but feel free to list low cals from your country for others :)
Your ultimate celeb inspo?
/u/BEDBulimic [153cm | CW: 55.8 | GW1: 55 | -8.2 | 20F]
Created: Sat Sep 8 03:32:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e33pk/your_ultimate_celeb_inspo/
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atm for me, it’s Timothee Chalamet at TIFF... holy fuck, his cheekbones and jaw and his lean ass body in that fucking unisex suit
binch i wish i was such a skinny legend
Others include: Phoebe Tonkin, Zoe Kravitz, Fernanda Ly, Devon Aoki, Hoyeon Jung, Xiao Wen Ju
What about y’all?
Good low cal food to eat before drinking???
/u/clare988
Created: Sat Sep 8 03:32:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e33n8/good_low_cal_food_to_eat_before_drinking/
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going to a party tonight. i want to keep the calories to a minimum today but also don't want to get really wasted later and end up embarrassing myself (inevitable, who am i kidding)
part of my brain is telling me i should just fast because that way i'll get drunk on less alcohol, meaning fewer calories and as, a bonus, less damage to my poor young liver. another part of my brain is telling me this might be true in theory but in practice i'll overdo it (inevitable, who am i kidding)
so a good in between might be to eat a nutritious meal right before i go out that's around 300 calories.
drinking friends of proED what do u like to consume prior to overconsumption of alcohol? any good lowcal meal ideas that "soak" up booze well?
[Rant/Rave] FINALLY losing weight again
/u/Snowbae
Created: Sat Sep 8 03:13:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e30oa/finally_losing_weight_again/
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Lost 4lbs and am now at my lowest ever weight. Im now 128.8lbs and 5’4” so I’m not exactly thin, but I’ve been gaining and losing the same lbs for literally 2 years now, cycling between 138 and 130 thanks to the dreaded binge cycle. I feel like this is FINALLY progress and I am so happy about it.
I’ve been doing IF and I honestly think it’s changed my life. I haven’t b/p-ed or even gone over my calories in 10 days and I start my new job on Tuesday and idk I finally feel like I have gained control of things. This defo won’t last and I’ll be binging again in either days or weeks or months but I wanna ride this feeling of success and control for as long as possible
I just love the feeling of control and restraint when I’m restricting; anyway end rave, I’m just in the part of the cycle of this ED that I enjoy for a while and I’m gonna enjoy it while I can
[Help] I think my job is causing me to relapse
/u/usagilunr
Created: Sat Sep 8 03:01:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e2yvm/i_think_my_job_is_causing_me_to_relapse/
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Hi, I’m currently a senior in college and I transferred stores for the school year so I would be able to make some money. I work at a fast food/convenience store, and I’m having the worst time of my life. I don’t know anyone there, and I’m surrounded by food all day. We are also constantly busy and when I get home I end up eating everything in my house and I feel like I need to purge it because I can’t stand the weight gain. It’s making me so unhappy and I dread having to work there every week. Should I look for a new job? It’s honestly stressing me out so much. The only thing holding me back is my pay, but it’s not worth my sanity
Keep Fucking Up :/
/u/blood-n-caffiene
Created: Sat Sep 8 03:00:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e2yjq/keep_fucking_up/
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Heyyy, y’all! What’s up? I’m trying not to binge and/or purge, but here I am 😂
Okay, I went to the gym and then walked a whole bunch before going to work, where I stand for at least 7 1/2 hrs (yes, standing burns calories). I ate less than 1000 calories prior to right now, but I honestly don’t feel too bad about it...?
Celery, salsa, light cream cheese, sriracha and vegan cheese isn’t so horrible, right? Right...? 😰
Jfc, fucking kill me 😬🔫💊🔪
*so many of da self harms
A lot of people have a fucked up relationship with food: a story about women and their cake
/u/clare988
Created: Sat Sep 8 02:51:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e2x2r/a_lot_of_people_have_a_fucked_up_relationship/
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Maybe "fucked up" is a bit harsh. But what I'm saying is, don't be too hard on yourselves. Sometimes I feel like a fucking loser for struggling with eating. Like wow, I'm an anxious, irrational mess about fucking food. FOOD. Jesus.
But a lot of people, even if it's not to the same degree, really do have similar anxieties and thoughts from time to time. Yesterday was my last day at work in a kitchen before I start uni. My coworkers baked me a giant fucking chocolate cake to say goodbye. Moist, rich, delicious and iced with my name. I was so touched and heart warmed. Those assholes.
I started cutting it and I had to eat a slice. Immediately I was feeling guilty about a multitude of things: guilt about the cake obviously, but also guilt about feeling GUILTY and BAD and STRESSED over a lovely gesture. But then I saw my work mate, who is probably obese, umming and ahhing and stressing about having a slice. "No I don't want one.. Yes I do.. No I don't!" People weren't taking it seriously, obviously, because actually this behaviour is common. "Just have one!" they laughed. In the end she cut herself a truly giant piece and also took some leftover strudel to take home. She was smiling but she looked a bit defeated. I stayed quiet because I didn't want to pressure her either way.
What I'm saying here with this ramble about women eating cake is that food is a source of mental stress for a LOT of people. In a culture in which both thinness and overconsumption of junk food are encouraged, it's inevitable. Maybe it sounds bad but seeing her verbally play out the mental turmoil I constantly have but rarely express was relieving and made me feel less like a freak. Less alone.
Pain as motivation
/u/MOSEDalt [5'1 | 104.2 | 19.2 | GW 84 | NB]
Created: Sat Sep 8 01:39:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e2kps/pain_as_motivation/
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Okay, this sounds kinda weird, but I love the hunger pain. Could anybody who's been able to fast for long periods of time describe the type of pain they feel? For me it's not too bad since I use meds to keep me nauseous to ignore the pain.
[Rant/Rave] ED brain says therapist thinks I’m fat
/u/yknowholic
Created: Sat Sep 8 01:16:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e2goj/ed_brain_says_therapist_thinks_im_fat/
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So I’ve started going to therapy for the first time in around 6 years because I’m doing the DBT created for PTSD (which means the government is covering therapy because I’m a broke undergrad) and I am about as bulimic as someone can possibly get.
I’m at the third appointment I’ve ever had with this therapist and we’re discussing goals. Most of my goals were career oriented as well as being more independent and not live with abusive family members or roommates and not live in an apartment etc, then I discussed “not wanting to hate myself” and my therapist asks me “would that be easier if you were in a healthy weight range?”
cue me picking at my hangnails until I bleed because holy shit she just implied I’m fat??? I gained around 30 pounds (making me overweight) when I was 18/19 but I’m also tall and the “oh you carry your weight well” comments my friends have always made to me kind of feel like nothing. If a woman I’ve interacted with three times thinks I’m fat then I’m obviously fat?
She’s honestly a great therapist otherwise but wow I just keep replaying this in my head
I’m also realizing “recovery” is definitely going to be incredibly hard because I have PTSD, depression, & anxiety on top of it and that I’m definitely not currently “ready” for it lol
The roof of my mouth hurts when I try to eat food?? Help
/u/thrownawaykalbi [5'7"|CW 94.7|BMI 14.7|SW 108lbs|21F|🍑yuzukalbi🍑]
Created: Sat Sep 8 00:45:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e2b1q/the_roof_of_my_mouth_hurts_when_i_try_to_eat_food/
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I've been restricting pretty hard this week and now when I try to eat, my mouth really hurts. Mostly the roof of my mouth but also my gums a little bit. It's kind of like a stinging aching feeling, as soon as food makes contact with my mouth.
What is going on?? It's kind of scaring me. I barely eat anything and I want to at least enjoy the little food I do get to eat but I can't even do that. It hurts. It makes me not want food even more.
I did reach a new LW of 93.7 lbs (42.5kg) yesterday. This just started happening recently. Does anyone know if it might have anything to do with the weight loss, or am I sick with something else??
Does anyone know anything about working at/for a gym?
/u/starvy_punk
Created: Sat Sep 8 00:35:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e295k/does_anyone_know_anything_about_working_atfor_a/
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Ive lately really grown ibterested in helping others reach their fitness goals (in a healthy way) and i really like the idea of being surrounded by athletic people in a work environment.
Does anyone here work in a gym or know anything about working for one, getting a foot in the door, teaching classes, personal training, etc.
I feel like I'm slipping
/u/fishysandwich [5'3" | CW: idk 110? | GW: 100 | -35 | F]
Created: Sat Sep 8 00:24:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e271g/i_feel_like_im_slipping/
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I don't understand how people tell me all the time that I'm so pretty and sweet and shit and yet when I try to interact with others they edge away from me. I feel like a fucking repulsive parasite.
Sick of looking on my snapchat and seeing my peers going to the city having fun with each other. They claim to know how it feels to be alone but it's fucking bullshit. Have they spent years sitting alone at lunch tables like me?
The only thing keeping me going is my family. If I were to majorly fuck myself up it'd devastate them. I guess my eating disorder will do for now.
[Help] Purging even when I don’t binge
/u/thingsarestranger [5’2” | CW:124.6 | GW1:115 | SW:160 | F]
Created: Fri Sep 7 23:37:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e1zf0/purging_even_when_i_dont_binge/
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Not sure what’s wrong with me lately but anytime a normal sized meal is in my stomach it’s like I NEED to get it out. I just feel so anxious. I purged twice today even though I was at the gym for 90 mins and burned 1000 cals... idk how much I ate today bc I didn’t measure anything (visiting parents) but I had: a protein bar, maybe 1/2 cup noodles and 7 brussel sprouts (purged), 1.5 cups pasta and 4 turkey meatballs with 1 cup broccoli (purged, and 110 cal pretzels with 70 cal cheese. So I have noooo idea what my intake was even like today or if I’m going to gain. Just having a hard time lately. throwing this out to the void.
Can’t sleep
/u/worrxrrx
Created: Fri Sep 7 23:36:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e1z7c/cant_sleep/
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Does anyone else find it really hard to sleep and stay asleep when they’ve been fasting for a few days? It’s really driving me crazy
[Rant/Rave] Guys. I am drunk and I love you but I’m kinda sad
/u/landfill7707
Created: Fri Sep 7 23:01:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e1tbq/guys_i_am_drunk_and_i_love_you_but_im_kinda_sad/
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You guys are so supportive and loving and I just wish I could be just as nice to all of you because you all deserve a break.
Sometimes I feel the urge to purge, even though I’ve never done it
/u/dootdootoops
Created: Fri Sep 7 22:46:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e1pw0/sometimes_i_feel_the_urge_to_purge_even_though/
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I don’t get it. After eating at night if it feels like I had too much or I’m more depressed about my weight all I’ll want to do is purge. I know it’s not good for my body, so I haven’t, but god do I just want to.
It doesn’t help I’ve found a mantra (kudos to a redditor who thought body > personality) to basically shame me from not trying to hit 0 calories/day with accounting exercise.
I just want my 80lb body back. I’m tired of feeling fat.
Being home is so triggering.
/u/imgital [5'4 | too big | F]
Created: Fri Sep 7 22:41:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e1oql/being_home_is_so_triggering/
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I normally live ~1000 miles away from my family. I came home to visit my family and older sister. My family is well aware of my history with eating disorders. To their knowledge, I am recovered and have been for years. Coming home always makes me anxious, because there is ALWAYS weight/food talk. This time is no exception.
My mom, sister, and I went shopping today. The 3 of us were in the dressing room while my sister was trying on dresses, and a lot of the dresses were too tight on her butt. Cue weight talk. My mom says my sister just needs to drop a few pounds to fit the dresses. My sister replies "3 months ago I was X pounds, now I'm Y pounds. I'm not happy unless I'm X pounds. I haven't changed my eating so I don't know why I'm gaining." My mom chimes in "well you need to cut out carbs. That's how you drop weight. You eat more than you think." And then my mom was talking about how she needs to lose weight too and saying what kinds of food she's avoiding (she has a BMI of 22.0 and is 60 years old..she's fine).
Basically, it was a 30 minute conversation in a dressing room (with other people around) about how in order to be happy in your body, you need to lose weight, and be a certain number, and carbs are the devil.
My family is just SO obsessed with weight and thinness. You would think they would've shaped up since they had to deal with me going to treatment and what not (I lived at home when my ED was at its worst). But no. Ugh.
[Help] So sore after exercise
/u/lilmdjd [5'3 | CW: 135 | LW: 95 | GW 115 | 23F]
Created: Fri Sep 7 22:28:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e1lzl/so_sore_after_exercise/
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Ever since I started restricting more, I don’t seem to recover from my workouts. It’s gotten really painful. I would assume it’s because I’m not getting enough protein/carbs. But I really don’t want to up my cals. Has anyone else experience this? Any ideas on what might help?
Anyone else get brain fog when they hard restrict?
/u/JayLenoBlows [18 yrs | trans girl | 6’ | CW 139, GW 130?]
Created: Fri Sep 7 22:23:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e1l2x/anyone_else_get_brain_fog_when_they_hard_restrict/
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I think my memory is what really goes to hell when I hard restrict, been on a pretty damn low calorie limit recently and I’m really feeling it.
Muffin Death
/u/penguinochu
Created: Fri Sep 7 22:04:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e1gi6/muffin_death/
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Today I binged 5 600ish calorie muffins on top of eating meals I hate myself :)
How long do laxatives stay in your system?
/u/Call_me_Cassius [5'5" | CW: 🐖 | GW: 98lb | -45lb | M21]
Created: Fri Sep 7 21:50:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e1d70/how_long_do_laxatives_stay_in_your_system/
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And how soon after taking them is it worthwhile to take more? Asking for a friend
I was about to reach my GW and binged on potato chips
/u/subarremos [5'3 | CW: 103 | GW: 88]
Created: Fri Sep 7 21:50:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e1cy4/i_was_about_to_reach_my_gw_and_binged_on_potato/
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Uuuggghh.. I guess Im fasting tomorrow??
Im scared to step on the scale
need support
[Rant/Rave] I innocently bought some snacks for a club in a few days during a fast. Can you guess what happened next?
/u/conuretrash
Created: Fri Sep 7 21:11:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e13vo/i_innocently_bought_some_snacks_for_a_club_in_a/
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...I binged 1,370 cals.
It physically hurt especially because I was 82 hours into a fast. Emotionally I’m a wreck. Failure, fat ass, worthless whale. I’m not eating for two more days. Why did I think I could trust myself???? I had to pour cleaning liquids on the snacks to stop myself after all of that because I would have kept going. 82 hour fast for nothing. I weigh the same now as I did before it, plus now I’m bloated af and knocked out of ketosis so I’ll gain water weight. I’m physically in so much pain. Why do I do this? I had to waste $15 in food many people in the club could have enjoyed all because I’m not normal. I didn’t even like the food I ate- that’s why I bought it!! It was so sweet I was nauseous but apparently not nauseous enough to throw it all up. I hate myself. I haven’t had food I like in weeks? Months? I don’t remember the last non-diet or appealing food I’ve eaten. I decided I’m not eating until Monday as atonement, and on Monday I’m going to get chicken tenders and fries from my school to at least have some sort of joy again. And then I won’t eat until Thursday and have something else tasty then. Maybe that way this never ending fight with food and self control will be bearable. I’m so tired. I look so tired but no one cares because I’m still fat.
[Other] Instead of binging, I took a bath, drank tea, and cleaned
/u/gravythegravy
Created: Fri Sep 7 20:56:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e10jx/instead_of_binging_i_took_a_bath_drank_tea_and/
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Broke up with the boyfriend so we don’t have to do long-distance. I still feel the urge to down some pizza and ice cream, but I’m going to try and sleep early, instead. :/
[Help] Starting a new job threw me off track and im freaking out
/u/lemonpepperfresh
Created: Fri Sep 7 20:53:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e0zv0/starting_a_new_job_threw_me_off_track_and_im/
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I started a new job a week ago, and I guess just having a change of schedule messed with me. I used to have coffee for both breakfast and lunch most of the time but I didn't want to make my ed obvious at work so I brought in lunch...Big miss steak
so now I still drink only coffee for breakfast but eating lunch at work makes me anxious afterwards and I end up binging when I get back home :( what do you guys bring (if anything) for lunch that looks like a sort of normal meal? I just want ideas for low calorie stuff that keeps my stomach full...
I guess change isn't good for me... I started having lunch for a week now and I've been too scared to weigh myself :(
[Other] Feeling so full you question your calorie counts?
/u/staticphat [Height: 5'3 | CW: Jabba the Hutt | GW: Bikini Leia]
Created: Fri Sep 7 20:50:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e0zbe/feeling_so_full_you_question_your_calorie_counts/
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Today I ate exactly 1002 calories but I feel so stuffed I feel like I ate at least 1800. It might be because I ate a lot of low calorie items and a lot of liquids. Anyone else feel this way sometimes?
[Discussion] I put them back.
/u/LumosErin [5'5.5" | 131-132 | 21.5-21.6 | GW: 115-120 | 20F]
Created: Fri Sep 7 20:44:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e0xt2/i_put_them_back/
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Today I went grocery shopping (if you noticed by my earlier post) and was very careful about what I bought. I already had the ice cream with me but I considered buying some cookies, too.
Y’all know those heavily frosted soft sugar cookies? Yeah those are the shit, but they were like $6?! So I ended up in front of the Double Stuf Oreos. And I stood there. For a good three minutes just contemplating. I was within my budget, it was only $3, but that would mean binging on them! I ended up taking a package with me to self checkout.
I scanned everything else but the Oreos and continued to look at it. Then something in my head said “Not worth it.” I set them aside, paid for everything else, walked them back to where they came from and put them right back.
I’m so proud of me!
[Help] lost .4 lb in 3 days of fasting. should i be expecting a whoosh?
/u/xlaaane
Created: Fri Sep 7 20:43:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e0xs5/lost_4_lb_in_3_days_of_fasting_should_i_be/
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details are as title suggests basically. i’ve been fasting for 9 days today and ever since i started my period like 3 days ago i’ve only lost .4 lb. i don’t want to get my hopes up but do you guys suppose my true weight might be lower...?
Was on the recovery wagon, stress has made me fall off and I dont know if I care
/u/ditchwater_Sal
Created: Fri Sep 7 20:35:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e0w0c/was_on_the_recovery_wagon_stress_has_made_me_fall/
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My apartment building caught fire and I have to live with my Dad until my new lease kicks in.
It fucking sucks. Everything in that house is a trigger.
I'm trying to tell myself that its okay, if I count but keep above a certain number its okay. Its okay that I have upped my water intake drastically to curb my hunger because one time someone told me that people mistake thirst for hunger. Im not hungry, Im just thirsty. so its fine that I aim to drink my body weight (in ounces) water every day all of a sudden.
Its cool that Im back to weighing myself everyday and feeling things about a point something of a pound in either direction.
As this ticks on, and its only been a week, Im finding myself caring less and less about it. Its so tempting to go back in to that complete control and safety of restriction. I used to be able to go days with out feeling hunger, and now if I dont eat by dinner Im a hangry bitch. My inability to restrict for long periods and my weight has me really bummed and feeling like a failure.
[Help] Period Dilemma!
/u/dugeun
Created: Fri Sep 7 20:27:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e0u5i/period_dilemma/
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I lost my period about a year ago (due to my ED, but my mother doesn’t know that’s the reason why) after losing a lot of blood, and haven’t had one since. Yesterday my mother took me to an endocrinologist, and she prescribed me progesterone, which I’ll start taking in a few days.
The problem is, I DONT WANT MY PERIOD. I’m perfectly fine without it. I don’t even think that the progesterone will work, because of my eating habits (fasting and such). My mom doesn’t know about my ED, and dismisses everything I tell her. I’m worried that the hormone will cause damage and it might be dangerous to take on a near empty stomach.
Does anyone have any experience with this kind of medication? How did it go? Any advice?
[Tip] I created a reward system for dealing with binges.
/u/throwawaysilentcurt [5'5" | CW:127 | GW:105 | lost -72 | 20M]
Created: Fri Sep 7 20:15:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e0rd3/i_created_a_reward_system_for_dealing_with_binges/
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I created this little reward system for myself...
Every time I binge (and/or eat over 1600 calories in a day), I put a colored sticky note on my wall.
I can only remove a sticky note after completing one day of heavy restricting (<500 for me).
I started with 20 sticky notes on the wall because that's about how many "binge" days I've had the past couple months, by my estimates. The guilt from those days are still weighing on me- and I also definitely gained 5-10 pounds this summer (got rid of scale). Now I know I'm doing something about it.
However, I don't have to do them all in a row. They aren't going anywhere til I compensate for them, but there is no immediate need to deal with them. I can take my time.
Today I took down my first sticky note and I feel really proud. Things don't feel so out of my control now, and I feel like I'm being patient with myself, and this is a good way for me to discourage bingeing.
[Rant/Rave] I'm about to overeat then fast for most (maybe all) of tomorrow and i have no intention of stopping myself
/u/PhoneWalletInsanity
Created: Fri Sep 7 19:57:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e0n8u/im_about_to_overeat_then_fast_for_most_maybe_all/
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I just caved and ate my breakfast for tomorrow now (at 21:45) and just got the bright idea to have all six cinnamon buns out of the tin.
Yeah, I intended on having three then saving three but if I eat all six then I'll just have chia seed tea at some point tomorrow and call it a day.
Why am I like this. I'm not even heavily restricting anymore (max 250 calorie daily deficits) so this isn't a reactionary binge.
You know what it is? Stress. Redoing first year uni, being 65+ km away from anyone I'd consider a friend plus, having my first class at a new pole studio (where the curriculum is entirely different and I looked like an idiot) is the perfect combo for filling the hole inside with food.
All I wanted all afternoon was to give someone a hug; not to receive one but to have the reassurance of knowing that I can reassure someone else. Obviously, that didn't happen but food makes me feel warm and squishy and as much as I hate myself for being warm and squishy, I need that now because it's the closest thing to human warmth.
God, I'm such an emotional eater but will definitely never get help because I need a referral, a) I'm "too small" for that and b) My binges are never over 1400 calories. But isn't one's mental state while eating more important? Apparently not.
Oh well, at least tomorrow's a weekend so I can just lay down if I feel really bad hunger pangs because pseudo recovery weaned me off of fasting for longer than 19 hours.
[Other] Check out this magical moment!
/u/_Pulltab_ [5' 7| CW 165.4 | BMI 25.9 | -30.6 | F]
Created: Fri Sep 7 19:56:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e0mzl/check_out_this_magical_moment/
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https://i.redd.it/3nk5shhl8xk11.jpg
Why does having explosive bowel movements make me feel so good.
/u/LucidlyAlive
Created: Fri Sep 7 19:38:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e0ir8/why_does_having_explosive_bowel_movements_make_me/
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Just the fact all that waste is coming out is such a satisfying and disgusting experience. Anyone ever weigh theirselves before and after? Like, it's pretty freaking morbid but so amazing at the same time.
[Rant/Rave] Today I accepted that I fell back into my old ways
/u/CathairNowhere
Created: Fri Sep 7 19:11:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e0cpn/today_i_accepted_that_i_fell_back_into_my_old_ways/
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Sorry, I just need to vent and I feel like this is the sub where I can be competely free.
I got through this whole week on 900 calories which is my absolute maximum daily goal right now. I know it's a lot for some here, but 1200 is plenty for sure and a binge. Even those 900 feel unnecessarily much. I already feel so light and nice. I have been "okay" for three years. It had its results - I went from 42 to 65 kgs. I still look "okay". At my lowest I heard comments about how I was too thin and people kept asking me if I was dying. Now the same people keep telling me how I got thick. Please make your fucking minds up.
I think this is my normal weight, this is what I can maintain without trying. But this is not where I want to be. I miss it when I was the smallest size (and in tops I still am because apparently putting on 20kgs doesn't mean you get boobs). I look "normal" but guys stopped chatting me up unless they are twice my age or have a mild fetish or really desperate. My boyfriend says he prefers me this way but our sex life is nonexistent recently. I miss when my thighs didn't touch when I lied down. When I first got very skinny and I was freaking out for a good couple months because I thought I had rectal cancer but it turned out it was just my poop I could feel out in my abdomen. Ridiculous but I'm still looking for that.
This week was really shit. I realised I was falling back into my old habits. I started restricting and making up weird food rules. I very meticulously budgeted real ice cream into my day once and I was super proud and immediately disgusted. I know why I'm doing it. My life is spiralling out of control right now.
I know for sure I won't make myself sick and won't go back to laxatives again. But I know something is amiss, that everything is shit, and I need something I can control. And the funniest thing is, I am eating better than at any point in the last three years. In a way, I am looking after myself more, but I know it's coming from a bad place.
Got up the courage to tell him...
/u/IDontLikeLollipops
Created: Fri Sep 7 18:43:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e05w6/got_up_the_courage_to_tell_him/
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Talked to my therapist today. He was extremely nervous about my suicidal thoughts. I told him about my self harm (including my purging/restriction) and he kind of blew past it and focused on my anxiety rather than my depression/eating. Most of what he said is not possible for me right now. And now I feel like shit again.
If I eat I'll puke.
If I don't eat I'll net less than I burned.
I fucking hate myself.
In light of today's news
/u/xz8362614455921r [5'2.5" | CW: 109lbs | GW: 84lbs | 26y/o]
Created: Fri Sep 7 18:38:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e04ld/in_light_of_todays_news/
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[Long post ahead // Sorry for no flair, as I'm on mobile]]
Sorry for posting on here so much lately; I've received a lot of support from this page & want to offer some back:
My inbox is always, ALWAYS open to anyone struggling with any substance abuse.
Moreover, if you think or know you have a substance abuse problem, please please talk to someone, anyone about it!!
It is my personal belief that ED's and addiction go hand-in-hand (the mindset is similar). Personally, I have struggled with alcoholism for the better part of a decade, and also unfortunately had a stint with methamphetamine last year.
Addiction does not discriminate. It is not fair. And it is killing so many. It can happen to anyone. People with EDs tend to think we are somehow above or beyond being hurt by external forces. I just want to remind y'all that's a lie.
I'm not proud of this life, but am also tired of the stigma surrounding both disorders.
No one deserves to suffer in silence.
So, once again, if this applies to you, I urge you to reach out to someone -- not even necessarily to Be Cured, but just so someone can know your status and check in with you. And if you think you have no one, know an internet stranger's inbox is fully open!!! (Srsly, I'm an recently-unemployed nerd with a lot of free time & am extroverted as heck so hmu!)
Also, if you know someone who suffers from addiction, please check in with them when you are able.
Stay as safe as possible, loves!! xo It's a mad world. I wish you all the best
[Help] I have to eat with my friend
/u/cicadashellgirl
Created: Fri Sep 7 18:33:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e03j2/i_have_to_eat_with_my_friend/
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I have a friend who is recovering, and I want to support her in that. But recently I have had a bit of a relapse and am restricting and fasting again. She knows I have a history but she doesn't know that its gotten bad again.
Whenever we hang out there is usually a meal involved or implied or it centers completely around food. In a way, I like that it all revolves around food because then I will know that she is eating and how much.
But I am afraid to refuse food around her. Last week I refused a brownie and I think she looked at me funny. And especially with our other friends around I can't skip a whole meal. If I don't eat around her she will know something is going on.
I have no idea how many calories are in anything that she makes or we get when we go out.
And she is the only person I don't want to notice if I lose a noticeable amount of weight because I am afraid of triggering her. But I am equally afraid of not losing weight....
I don't know if there is anything I can do to keep my sanity and also not trigger her by not eating around her???
[Discussion] Post hook up mood
/u/bigbeyoncefan
Created: Fri Sep 7 18:32:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e03b1/post_hook_up_mood/
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https://i.redd.it/8om7hzpptwk11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] i just ate a large dairy queen blizzard :(
/u/fweakybby [5’5” | 132| 22.0 | 68lbs | F]
Created: Fri Sep 7 18:28:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9e025q/i_just_ate_a_large_dairy_queen_blizzard/
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i’ve been doing good n shit and now i’m so mad at myself. i’m so bloated and sad. i don’t want to purge bc my dumb ass got huge chocolate chunks so that wouldn’t be easy. sad :(
Recovering from “recovery” binges
/u/skinnifat [5'4" | CW: idk | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Fri Sep 7 18:18:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dzzvj/recovering_from_recovery_binges/
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A year ago I was at my lowest weight. I lost 30 pounds in less than 6 months. I also lost my period. And that was when I decided it wasn’t time to try to recover on my own. Which has now evolved into insane binge eating. I’m still unhealthy. I still don’t have a period. And this shit sill sucks. Anyone in the same boat? Anyone find anything that works for them? Just looking for some conversation, anything really.
82 cal chocolate cake!! 1 egg white (17cal), whipped to peaks; 1 tbsp 100% cocoa powder (20cal), 7 chocolate chips (15cals), 1/3 banana (30cal), mashed; 1/8 tsp baking soda (0cal); 3 packets stevia (0cal). First whip your egg whites, mix dry ingredients separately, incorporate together, add banana!
/u/justlivinnng
Created: Fri Sep 7 18:16:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dzzbj/82_cal_chocolate_cake_1_egg_white_17cal_whipped/
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https://i.redd.it/8wdg6usrqwk11.jpg
[Discussion] What's your favorite 0 calorie beverage?
/u/Astrobadgr
Created: Fri Sep 7 18:14:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dzyug/whats_your_favorite_0_calorie_beverage/
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My personal favorite is La Croix. Specifically the orange flavor. What other drinks out there should I try that won't ruin my calories for the day.
Who wins? My ED or obsessive need for value for money at a buffet?
/u/funkmon [6'6" | 210 | M]
Created: Fri Sep 7 17:58:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dzusv/who_wins_my_ed_or_obsessive_need_for_value_for/
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Neither.
I took my sister out to a nice dinner at a baseball game (they have a luxury restaurant thing out in right field). I remembered having a club sandwich there once. Anyway I figured I could get out relatively cheap and light.
We sit down, and the buffet is fucking $40. Nothing else there. I believe I was mistaken, and settle into a $40 shitty buffet with a $50 bottle of wine.
However, as the world's cheapest man, I can't just eat a salad and go. I had to make a $40 buffet worth it. A pound of prime rib, a pint of ice cream, 2 salads, sushi, etc. I probably had about 7500 calories.
As we are walking out I see a woman having a club sandwich. I ask about it. She ordered it off the "bar menu" for $15. FFFFUUUUUUUUUU
Prunes=Nature’s laxative!
/u/beeeleave
Created: Fri Sep 7 17:13:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dzjr9/prunesnatures_laxative/
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[Discussion] Has anyone else's definition of "skinny" changed a lot as they've lost weight?
/u/sugafreedreams [17M / 181cm 🏳️🌈 HW: 89 / CW & LW: 56 🏳️🌈 BMI 27.2 → 17.1]
Created: Fri Sep 7 17:11:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dzj8f/has_anyone_elses_definition_of_skinny_changed_a/
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I remember a year ago (before an ED) being very shocked at seeing Eugenia Cooney's videos, but nowadays they don't seem to cause any sort of reaction in me anymore. It's like the threshold of what I see as very thin and enough to draw special attention has been raised, making even the majority of underweight people "average" territory and nothing to have a wow-reaction at. I also know for a fact from pictures that my friends and classmates haven't gained weight during the past year, but my perception of what's skinny and not being warped has made me see even the skinniest people I know as just average instead of something eye-catching.
Maybe it also works in the opposite case of seeing someone as too skinny even when they're not underweight. What's seen as too skinny in America can be very very different from what's seen as too skinny in Asia. The perception of weight classifications just depends on what imagery you base it on, me being underweight and routinely viewing/admiring the types of bodies I do makes my brain see that unusual weight as the norm. It also kind of sucks, because at a BMI of +27 I viewed myself as normal and average, but now after dropping over 10 BMI points I still see myself that exact same way. You can't really become skinny if the image in your head of what that is is constantly changing.
[Discussion] Longest you’ve gone without eating?
/u/dyingtobepretty [5ft|85lbs|F]
Created: Fri Sep 7 17:01:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dzgiz/longest_youve_gone_without_eating/
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I’ve been crying so hard over Mac Miller’s death. I keep dry heaving because I have nothing to throw up. My head is poundinggg. It’s scaring me a little; I haven’t gone multiple days without eating in a long time. But my tummy’s so flat I don’t wanna ruin it. So just to comfort myself, what’s the longest you’ve gone without eating?
((At least I’m crying so hard I can use it as an excuse to not go to my friends and be forced to eat. I would gain 50lbs if it meant we got the keep Mac, though.))
I’m excited to try this soon!
/u/LumosErin [5'5.5" | 131-132 | 21.5-21.6 | GW: 115-120 | 20F]
Created: Fri Sep 7 16:53:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dzejw/im_excited_to_try_this_soon/
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https://i.redd.it/v0c7rna0cwk11.jpg
Free food is the death of me
/u/CountingKittyCats
Created: Fri Sep 7 16:42:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dzbd9/free_food_is_the_death_of_me/
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We had a bunch of free food at work today. I always plan to have a bit, but I seem to always instead eat to the point of discomfort. It was so bad today that I was still feeling horribly overstuffed and gross even 7 hours after the free lunch.
The worst part is that I have no gag reflux to speak of, so I just have to suffer through it. I planned to drink, but drinking seems like a futile effort when my tolerance would be abnormally high from all of the food in my stomach.
HAE had cosmetic procedures? Do you want any?
/u/bangsofsteel2 [5"3/BMI 19ish/ (made a new account)]
Created: Fri Sep 7 16:37:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dza5e/hae_had_cosmetic_procedures_do_you_want_any/
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I've become pretty fixated on getting a tiny bit of filler along my jawline. I don't hate my face but idk I'm constantly trying to 'refine' it - if that makes sense? I love the idea of non surgical procedures. I actually got Cool Sculping on my abdomen in May. It was dangerously simple to just go out and do...
The more I see women with these reversible, easy and not even majorly expensive procedures, the more I want to just do me and get my jaw sharpened! I just... It seems like a slippery slope to more, you know?
Anyone had any experience or majorly considered cosmetic work?
[Help] I fainted
/u/ih8mesomuch
Created: Fri Sep 7 16:37:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dza4f/i_fainted/
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Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had some pretty bad experiences with lightheaded ness, but this time was different. Sure I’ve fell to the floor before, hurt myself doing so, tried to catch my breath. But this time I was out.
It was 3 am. I couldn’t sleep because I was hungry and anxious. I got up to go to the bathroom because the Diet Coke was getting to my bladder, when I felt the extremely usual, normal lightheaded ness. I usually widen my stance and hold a wall as my blackened vision recovers. This time, I held onto the bathroom door as my whole body convulsed and swung around. Pretty seizure like. Next thing I know, I’m dreaming about watching TV and I wake up on my bathroom floor. My foot aches and my elbow is bleeding. My head ACHES. A few memories come back to me a little later. I remember the bathroom door slamming into the wall, while my shoulders get thrown against my cabinet. And it was so loud. I’m pretty sure I was out for a while, in fact it’s my first time really being OUT.
Part of me feels so accomplished. My nutritionist is seriously threatening to send me to inpatient (that’s not gonna happen I just threaten my life on them if they try), I’m dropping weight, i can’t get up without my vision going black, and I finally fully passed out.
A small part of me is worried. Right after I woke up I was like fuck. I need to fix this. But now, the morning after, I use it as a sign to keep going. I’m so alone. I’m just so alone.
[Rant/Rave] Well that didnt go to plan...
/u/glitchydowner
Created: Fri Sep 7 16:36:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dz9xv/well_that_didnt_go_to_plan/
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I had it all planned out... I was going to fast until tomorrow so I could have a drink at a gig and some bacon in the morning (trying to look normal ish) well 4 hours into our car journey to Leeds (UK) I felt travel sick from not eating and had a burger king meal... Then got to our friends and I binged on chocolate... Urgh I'm so disgusting!!! Why do I do this!?! I can't weigh myself as no scales and I'm driving myself mad! What happens if I get home Sunday and can't stop eating? How much weight will I put on? Will my shirt fit tomorrow evening after all the food today?? Fuuuuuuck!! End.
[Discussion] Has anyone tried fiber water?
/u/throwawaysilentcurt [5'5" | CW:127 | GW:115 | lost -72 | 20M]
Created: Fri Sep 7 16:32:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dz8pk/has_anyone_tried_fiber_water/
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I've been thinking about how to get the most nutrients and stuff for "free" and I saw some flavored water infused with fiber on the shelf in a store. I think it was 5 calories or something like that?
​
That and Powerade Zero seem like they could keep your body running pretty well while fasting
I broke down over a lip scrub
/u/Pinkwashtub
Created: Fri Sep 7 16:24:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dz6ci/i_broke_down_over_a_lip_scrub/
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I just had a full blown panic attack over a lush lip scrub. I had managed to stay below my calorie goal all day, so I thought I'd treat myself to a lip scrub. A tiny bit of the sugar went into my mouth and I just panicked and cried. Does this happen to anyone else, or have I finally lost my mind?
My favorite artist died and I’m trying so hard not to do the worlds biggest binge and purge.
/u/sonospaventato
Created: Fri Sep 7 16:20:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dz5ei/my_favorite_artist_died_and_im_trying_so_hard_not/
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I have never been upset about a celebrity dying. This will probably be the last time I will be upset about a celeb dying. I am trying so hard not to do the worlds biggest binge and purge rn. I’m probably going to fail and end up doing it. Help lol.
[Help] How to stop headaches when you’re restricting?
/u/TumericTea [5'4 | 143 | 24.5 | gw1: 120|18F]
Created: Fri Sep 7 16:17:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dz4k9/how_to_stop_headaches_when_youre_restricting/
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So I’ve had about 300 calories today which I’m REALLY proud of, but I have this awful headache I’m sure is related to my low calorie intake. Does anyone else get this when restricting and how do they get rid of it?
My parents have so much food at home and I'm fucking PISSED
/u/PM_UR_PUPPY [5'7" | CW 130 | GW 120 | LW 118]
Created: Fri Sep 7 15:52:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dyxmg/my_parents_have_so_much_food_at_home_and_im/
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Quick rant - normally I live by myself in San Francisco and can control what food I have at home (pickles, greek yogurts, etc). This weekend I'm home at my parents' house and there is food. Fucking. Everywhere. Jars of peanut butter in the pantry. Cookies out on the counter. Mostly-full PINTS of ICE CREAM in the freezer and a full on mother fucking cake in the fridge!!!!! Bread as far as the eye can see, and the expectation that they'll be making every meal for me. All I want to do is to be left alone to fast in peace.
Stomach painfully empty while sleeping + fasting?
/u/110_percent_bot
Created: Fri Sep 7 15:48:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dywbb/stomach_painfully_empty_while_sleeping_fasting/
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So last night at around 8pm I hit the 24hr fast mark, so I figured why not make it a 36hr fast and sleep without food. Usually I love sleeping hungry, but last night was really different for some reason. It was painful no matter how I positioned myself in bed. At one point my stomach was growling not in the bottom but like in my ribcage right below the space between my boobs. It felt hollow. Really strange. I woke up like every 2 hours in the middle of the night. Anyone have tips for sleeping hungry? Maybe I should have drank more water or something??
[Rant/Rave] I hate people commenting on what I eat or don't eat.
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2 | 149 | Aiming for 146 by 9/25 | -12| f21]
Created: Fri Sep 7 15:38:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dytnq/i_hate_people_commenting_on_what_i_eat_or_dont_eat/
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I don't usually have to deal with it. I live with my parents but they're really careless about what and how much I eat as long as I consume 2 bites of dinner.But met up with someone in my family today And gahjhh wanna strangle her
Everyone ate breakfast out so I only had a chai tea which prompted "Breakfast is sooo important"(my drink had as many calories as food, Won't die I promise). then skipped lunch by accident being busy and I ended up eating a big thing of frozen cranberries(surprisingly tasty!) As a snack and she was like "you haven't ate anything solid allllll day"(berries aren't food?). Finally made dinner, Sausage with rice and roasted veggies. A very normal meal for us, I ate my portion and she didn't say anything. But a comment of "it's so greasy and fattening!"....Maybe if you didn't eat out all day you'd have the calories for a tiny bit of olive oil on some vegetables. It's so infuriating when I'm just eating what I'm comfortable with and it's not a tone of concern but bossy and annoying.
[Rant/Rave] Doesn't eat, gains weight (that is water weight and will drop off in a few days): Well I'm just a whale let's just fuckin binge I'm fat anyway who fuckin cares woohoo
/u/graeciamagna
Created: Fri Sep 7 15:33:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dys27/doesnt_eat_gains_weight_that_is_water_weight_and/
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What the fuck is my dumb brain man
[Rant/Rave] the best way to restrict
/u/ariana1234567890
Created: Fri Sep 7 15:28:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dyqsw/the_best_way_to_restrict/
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let your boyfriend give you a stomach virus !!!! i havent eaten all day and ive been shitting and puking every hour !!!!
oh and don't worry, hes still sick, and we only have one bathroom in our apartment🙃
[Rant/Rave] people asking if i’m okay
/u/toastysnivy [64.75" | 114 lbs | bmi 19 | -60 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Sep 7 14:56:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dyhd1/people_asking_if_im_okay/
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since i’ve been back at high school a bunch of people have definitely noticed my weight loss. I only lost like 10/15 pounds over the summer but a girl i’m sort of friends with saw me in the bathroom and was like “you look really skinny are you okay?” and I don’t really know how to feel about that. Also a close friend of mine said a few people asked her if i’m okay too. Like i kind of appreciate that rather than other comments like “i CaNt BeLiEvE hOw MuCh WeIgHt YoUvE lOsT” like ok... thanks i know i was fat lol u dont need to point it out. thing is im not even really skinny at all, people seem to think i am but i beg to differ. How does everyone else feel about comments like these? Usually I hate when someone i am not close to mentions my weight loss like in a positive way but I don’t really mind the concern
[Discussion] DAE like test their ED?
/u/drowing_dancer [5’7” | CW 135 | 21.1 | F]
Created: Fri Sep 7 14:49:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dyevj/dae_like_test_their_ed/
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I know it sounds weird, but sometimes I feel like I push myself with my ED. For example, I used to obviously push how much I restricted. But now that I’m b/p I’ll test what I’m able to rid my body of. I’ll get like the hard to purge stuff and see if I can get rid of it or not. Idk I feel weird about it, but like logically I could just purge soup if I really needed to and still lose weight but the challenge of like pizza or something is way more enticing. I wish I could just stop. :(
[Rant/Rave] this disease is stealing my life from me
/u/lightningmcqueef69 [5'5" | 119.6 | 19.75 | 18 | enby ]
Created: Fri Sep 7 14:42:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dycaz/this_disease_is_stealing_my_life_from_me/
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word vomit ahead
i quit the things i love because my restriction made them too hard. i'm too physically weak to do anything but work and sleep. but i can't stop, and i won't. ¯\_(ツ)_/ ¯
but hey even if i could keep skating and going on *~adventures~*, i'm too fucking broke to do anything! yeet! just gonna keep starving and making coffee for other people until i have a heart attack or pass out and hit my head a little too hard
[Discussion] Waist trainers/corsets??
/u/lecollecteur
Created: Fri Sep 7 14:09:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dy1kt/waist_trainerscorsets/
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Has anyone tried them ?? What has your experience been like ?? What companies would you suggest ??
[Help] How does intermittent fasting actually work??
/u/lecollecteur
Created: Fri Sep 7 14:05:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dy05v/how_does_intermittent_fasting_actually_work/
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I feel like this q is too dumb for r/intermittentfasting but how exactly does it work for weight loss?? ie if you were eating 1200kcal normally vs eating 1200kcal and fasting for so many hours in the day ??? Sorry if this is a dumb q
ED, change, & growing up
/u/sleepypuff
Created: Fri Sep 7 13:48:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dxus7/ed_change_growing_up/
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Did anyone else develop an ED from, among other things, a desire to “stay the same” & try to hold onto the past?
I was a string bean growing up & when I was 15 & hit puberty, started to diet bc I saw my new post pubescent body as fat & couldn’t cope with it. I hate change of all forms in my life. Even now, I’m 26 & I’m what other people would call an okay or average size but I hate it. My body looks womanly & old & responsible & maternal to me...none of those things which I feel. I just associate thinness to my youth & I never want to let it go.
[Help] Will Ativan fuck up my heart rate?
/u/hopeless_anon [5'5 | CW: 115 LW: 85 | 17F]
Created: Fri Sep 7 13:25:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dxnga/will_ativan_fuck_up_my_heart_rate/
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Sorry for too many posts today but I’m debating taking an Ativan as prescribed by my psychiatrist because I have a doctor appt today and I’m hella anxious about it. So like what will fuck my heart rate less going in anxious af or taking an Ativan?
I just have epic flashbacks of them springing the hospital on me and I lost my shit. But now I’m like a healthy BMI and just the thought of them possibly sending me to the hospital to force feed me 3000+ calories makes my heart pound and my palms sweaty. Send help 😨
I’m 30 pounds above my LW. Tell me some success stories of when you gained a ton of binge weight but were able to eventually lose it again.
/u/dxylightt [short | 125 | GW: 95 | F]
Created: Fri Sep 7 13:22:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dxmfo/im_30_pounds_above_my_lw_tell_me_some_success/
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I went to go to a counselor’s office today, and the entire time I was there I kept thinking about how the last time I was seeking help, I was slightly underweight and now I’m nearly overweight. I’m just depressed, it’s been months of being at this weight and every day I feel less and less like myself. My clothes are all tight, I feel invisible to everybody, and I’m mad at myself for thinking I was fat a year ago when I was only a mere few pounds from my GW. Now? I’m so far away from it, it feels like I’ll never get there again.
Have any of you ever gained a ton of weight back through binging and lost it all again? Maybe hearing some success stories will reassure me, because right now I just feel gross and hopeless.
Bronkaid feels like cheating
/u/gigi-has-issues [5'9" | CW Fat | GW 115 | F]
Created: Fri Sep 7 13:15:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dxk1x/bronkaid_feels_like_cheating/
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Mainly a bulimic but go through restriction periods. When I was a teenager (13-14 years ago) and I started to go down this rabbit hole, I starved myself and had to put up with intense hunger pains. It's now an option for me (Bronkaid + vaping) just to fast and not feel true hunger, or at least not feel the desperate hunger of before. I get dizzy, headaches, feel faint....and of course I WANT food, but it's not actually physically painful like it used to be. It kind of feels like I'm cheating. It also makes me feel like I'm not as "strong" about this as before because with all these aides I could be able to fast longer, restrict more and push myself more but if anything I'm doing less. :(
Does anyone have amazing bowel movements when they fast?
/u/SuperMarioFart
Created: Fri Sep 7 12:53:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dxchc/does_anyone_have_amazing_bowel_movements_when/
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[Rant/Rave] Fear of Cancer is Aiding my Restriction (NSFW?)
/u/coffeeeecatttt
Created: Fri Sep 7 12:51:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dxbpf/fear_of_cancer_is_aiding_my_restriction_nsfw/
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On mobile so I cant post stats (5'2, 94lbs, 24, female).
I've posted about this on here before. I had an abnormal pap smear, was scheduled to have a colposcopy, and it turned into me having to get a LEEP procedure at the end of this month. I'm so terrified. I have high-grade cell changes in my cervix. I've done some research and heard others' stories. I'm expecting to be told I either have HPV or cervical cancer.
I cannot mentally handle this. My appetite is completely gone and I only ate about 500 calories yesterday on top of working. This fear and anxiety is causing me to restrict harder than ever. This is all I can think about. All day, and all night. The anxiety is CONSUMING me. HPV is incurable and I was never even vaccinated for it when I was younger because my mother is a piece of shit parent. The thought of cancer is even more terrifying. No one is taking my fears seriously. My boyfriend is annoyed with me because of my constant panic attacks and being on edge.
Taking my prescribed klonopin isn't helping. Smoking weed doesnt help. Trying to "think positively" isnt helping. The only good thing is that I'm losing weight. At this rate, I'll hit the 80s in no time. I cant take this much longer......
[Help] My weight is going up and I need to stop it
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 95 | 17 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Fri Sep 7 12:34:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dx65n/my_weight_is_going_up_and_i_need_to_stop_it/
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It took me 8 months to lose 70lbs. I’ve been between 90-98lbs since March. The last two weeks or so all I want to do is eat and eat and eat. I’m trying so hard but I just got on the scale and it says 100.3. This is unacceptable. What is wrong with me? I need help. Someone tell me what to do. Why is it so hard all of a sudden? I need appetite suppressants or something, anything anyone can suggest....I simply can’t gain this weight back. I’m so disgusted and panicked
[Rant/Rave] My favourite shorts shrunk
/u/eloana12
Created: Fri Sep 7 12:30:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dx4r0/my_favourite_shorts_shrunk/
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They shrunk in the wash. It’s definitely them who shrunk and not me getting larger. I checked my weight, haven’t gained.
Fuck there are tears flowing over something so trivial. I hate this mindset.
I’ve been doing okay ED brain wise for the past month, but this tipped me over the edge and now I feel like utter crap. Gotta be awake in 6 hours yet I’m downstairs downing tea to force out a shit, wishing I was something else. Ugh guess I’ve officially relapsed back into old thoughts and habits. It fucking sucks.
[Other] Reasons Not To Binge
/u/staticphat [Height: 5'3 | CW: Jabba the Hutt | GW: Bikini Leia]
Created: Fri Sep 7 12:00:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dwucv/reasons_not_to_binge/
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I’m coming up with a list of reasons not to binge to look at and remind myself every time I get the urge. Feel free to add!!!
- The day after feels disgusting, both mentally and physically. You’ll feel like you weigh 1000 lbs, and part of you will say that you look about the same weight too. You’re stomach will feel disgusting and bloated; you won’t want to stomach anything for the whole day; not even water, even though you know you’re dehydrated. You’ll feel too sick to even go for a run.
- You’re wasting food and money. All that food you ate was supposed to be for meals and feeding your family, not to shove into the empty void. Plus, the void isn’t even that empty because you’ll gain calories from it.
- You’ll gain weight
- Food can be delicious and should be enjoyed with other people. It’s not as tasty when you’re shoving your face with old pasta by the handful and drinking OJ out of the carton.
...Nevermind I guess
/u/theplushbus [5'6" | CW: 98 GW: 107 | -34 | 19♀]
Created: Fri Sep 7 11:57:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dwtdg/nevermind_i_guess/
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https://imgur.com/a/JzwVreB
I’ve already failed at September
/u/ellerzverse [5’3” | CW: 149 | GW: 115 | 20 F]
Created: Fri Sep 7 11:45:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dwp99/ive_already_failed_at_september/
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Hey lovelies, I hope this doesn’t break the rules. I’m real bummed and I would really appreciate some support because I feel like a total failure.
I was so excited for a B/P free September but I’ve already failed almost every day. I have no problem not eating or eating very little during the day but when it gets late, ten or eleven pm, I lose ALL control. Yesterday I was so close. I made myself a small dinner under 300 calories. And then I remembered the sweets and carbs in the house (I recently moved back in with my mom, who keeps the fridge stocked; I really miss living alone because I never had any binge food around). Aaaaaaaand of course I decided to give up and I binged and purged.
I’m scared to get on the scale. I know I’m not making any progress. I don’t know why I do this to myself. I don’t know why I lose control at night. I’m so disappointed. I shouldn’t let myself eat even small things because I clearly can’t control myself.
But today is a new day and I’m NOT going to perpetuate the cycle. Granted, that’s what I’ve been telling myself each day and I’m no good at following through. But today I have my heart and soul set on actually succeeding.
I would really love some reassurance that I’m not a total fuck up, or maybe some tips for resisting the evil evil urge to binge and purge, to help me get through the weekend.
Thank you all. ❤️
[Discussion] Anyone else wish they could lose weight for someone else?
/u/DinosaursAndStarStuf [5'3.5| 108 | 18.8| F]
Created: Fri Sep 7 11:43:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dwojd/anyone_else_wish_they_could_lose_weight_for/
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The thought of existing in an overweight (or even higher "normal/healthy" weight tbh) just terrifies the shit out of me, but I wish I could like... pilot someone else's obese body for a month and just lose a shit-ton of weight for them. How insane would it be to just watch that scale drop daily by restricting your balls off?
Of course I'm not sure what would happen to my body while I was piloting someone else's. I literally wouldn't trust anyone in the world to take over mine!
Anyone else have this weird thought?
BOOK: Nice is just a place in France - diet chapter
/u/littlejanedoe- [Height | CW | BMI | Weight Lost | Gender]
Created: Fri Sep 7 11:31:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dwkkt/book_nice_is_just_a_place_in_france_diet_chapter/
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https://i.redd.it/mur3kakfquk11.jpg
[Rant/Rave] My mom is forcing me to eat and it's stressing me out
/u/melonstarmoon
Created: Fri Sep 7 11:29:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dwjyr/my_mom_is_forcing_me_to_eat_and_its_stressing_me/
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So my mom found out that I'm anorexic and bulimic and the way she's handling it is totally stressing me out. She keeps telling me to "stop copying people" and that I need to "snap out of it" instead of realizing I have a fucking mental illness and getting me the help I need. Recently she's been watching me eat/forcing me to eat and it's stressing the fuck out of me. I've been forced to eat meals under her supervision. I get what she's trying to do, but eating literally causes me so much fucking stress and anxiety I can't focus on anything until I vomit up what I ate, which I've been doing secretly after each meal. I thought my life would be better once she found out about my problems, but it's just so much fucking worse. Whenever she suspects I'm not eating she makes comments like "you're skinny, you need to eat" or "there's nothing wrong with you, you're beautiful" which for some reason just triggers me even more. I wish I had never told her anything.
Starting Tracy Anderson 30 day boot camp today...
/u/PM_ME_BrusselSprouts [5'3" | CW: 165 | BMI: 30.0 | 33, F]
Created: Fri Sep 7 11:21:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dwh1q/starting_tracy_anderson_30_day_boot_camp_today/
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For those of you who don't know who she is, her focus is on exercising the small muscles around larger ones to give a "dancers body," or what she likes to call "teeny-tiny." I figure if I give the next 30 days 100% effort and see what I can accomplish, then I can go back into my old ways that have never worked for me (binging, drinking, etc). She also emphasizes a low calorie (900) diet filled with natural foods. I will keep the spirit of that, with my own food, since it involves working out 1.5-2 hours a day and I have a physical job I will aim for 1100 cals.
If anyone wants to join in, that would be great. If not, wish me luck!
See this girl that completed it and went from a size 8->2/4: http://laurastroud.blogspot.com/2010/11/pictures-3-weeks-after-boot-camp-before.html?m=1
[Rant/Rave] Anybody else low restrictics with junk food?
/u/AstridItesm
Created: Fri Sep 7 11:02:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dwamq/anybody_else_low_restrictics_with_junk_food/
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Yesterday I had 347 kcal submarinos. Today I’ll have 313 kcal cookies and cream pingüinos.
I absolutely love junk food and everything tastes a thousand times better when you haven’t eaten in practically 24 hours (though I know by experience this isn’t always the case). It makes me excited to start every new day just for my little meal despite all the other shitty things going on in my life that only keep getting worse and worse. So long as I get my junk food and occupy myself for the other 24 hours with music and books and Bloodborne, all while in that restricting high, I don’t really care much for anything.
[Other] I’m back
/u/sadveggiehead [5’5 |SW.156 |CW.137 |GW.120 |23.07 |F]
Created: Fri Sep 7 10:33:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dw0mt/im_back/
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Got too excited and decided I wanted to lose weight the “healthy way”, I deleted all my posts and started eating again and low and behold gained back 10 lbs. I saw 133 on the scale almost a year ago and now I’m 143. I’m done beating around the bush. I want to be fucking skinny again. You can expect to se more of me here.
first time posting a pic! OOTD and body pics
/u/wrinkle-crease [5'4" | 112 | 19.7 | -28 | F]
Created: Fri Sep 7 10:31:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dw03w/first_time_posting_a_pic_ootd_and_body_pics/
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stealing my sister's clothes ftw! love how my collarbones look in this:
https://imgur.com/a/ykZM4lN
body pics from this week:
https://imgur.com/a/4nruHdR
is there a discord/group chat? should we make one?
/u/disorderedthrowaway1 [5'6" | CW: 126 | GW: 115-110 | BMI: 20| -10 | 19F]
Created: Fri Sep 7 10:26:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dvy8r/is_there_a_discordgroup_chat_should_we_make_one/
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idk sometimes i feel like a lot of these posts and the interactions on them would be better as a chat... would anyone here want to be a proed group chat?
[Rant/Rave] my friends birthday is coming up
/u/twa1238 [F25| 158cm | CW 🐄 |]
Created: Fri Sep 7 10:21:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dvwhq/my_friends_birthday_is_coming_up/
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and she’s driving me crazy. For her actual birthday she invited me to a brunch with her family. they’re a big family and eating and drinking is super important to them and every dish has a looooot of calories, even for normal people.
The next day she wants to have dinner with other friends but that’s okay, I already picked out what I’m going to eat there and it’s alright. I’ll have a salad and just say I’m still full because I had to eat at work and I can’t drink because I have to be up early. Most girls that will be there are super picky eaters with a tendency to EDs anyway and the boys think it’s so cute and funny that girls don’t eat so I’m good lol
But the week after she asked me to go to a restaurant with her as her birthday wish. I said yeah sure and checked the Menue and it’s the worst. It’s a Swedish hipster one (I didn’t even know these existed and I don’t really get what the target groups supposed to be) and since it’s new and small and soo fancy they have very limited options.
Literally everything beside dessert is with mayonnaise or heavy cream. There are soups and salads as entrees but they’re small and you can’t order them alone. They only have elk meat and fish, the fish is always fried. The only vegetarian option is “veggie meatballs with cream sauce and fries” which contains two of my fear foods so yeah thanks I’m good. It’s all very overprized too which is extra annoying
I’m so anxious now. Like the birthday is still a week away but I’m supposed to reach my goal by October and it’s just not possible if I eat so many calories two weeks in a row. She wants to go in the middle of the day too, which I HATE, I don’t want to eat before dinner time ever. I think I can get away with eating little at the brunch (if I don’t sit next to her grandma at least) because it’s gonna be so loud and crowded) but there’s no way I can pull that when we’re at a restaurant, just the two of us?!??!ahhhhhh
Why do people make such a big deal about their stupid birthday. You know what I did on my birthday. I didn’t eat and it was terrific.
[Goal] 2 pounds from underweight
/u/quinoaslut [5'4"| 110 | 18.9 | -10| Woman]
Created: Fri Sep 7 10:16:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dvv39/2_pounds_from_underweight/
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I weighed in at 109 today and I’m so fucking happy 2 more pounds before we hit the 18.4 BMI but I’m also nervous bc I feel like every time I hit a new low I start overeating so pls wish me luck
[Discussion] Pressure of restriction sabotaging weight loss?
/u/eva1588
Created: Fri Sep 7 10:14:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dvubg/pressure_of_restriction_sabotaging_weight_loss/
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Sometimes I feel like the pressure to restrict sabotages my weight loss efforts- only being able to eat a certain type of food, a certain amount, at a certain time, sometimes makes is hard for me to feel confident about loosing weight. Sometimes it is comforting and makes me feel in control. I am thinking about trying a new approach where i eat what I want when I want, making sure it falls in the calorie range I am in. Has anyone had better results this trying it this way?
[Discussion] Dae purposely wear baggy clothes to look bigger to others so that when they finally hit their GW they can have a big reveal?
/u/conuretrash
Created: Fri Sep 7 10:10:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dvt3j/dae_purposely_wear_baggy_clothes_to_look_bigger/
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Sometimes I purposely wear baggy sweaters to look larger than I am. It triggers the fuck out of me, enabling my ED, but also pleases me to think everyone thinks I’m a land whale so one day I can stun them all. I should reach my GW by mid December the latest so it’s so exciting. Can’t wait to be thin enough to wear baggy things without looking huge!
[Tip] The only thing keeping me alive at hour 72 of my fast.
/u/conuretrash
Created: Fri Sep 7 10:04:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dvrci/the_only_thing_keeping_me_alive_at_hour_72_of_my/
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https://i.redd.it/xr8o07myauk11.jpg
Sorry I've been posting so much, but I am so ecstatic!!!!!
/u/SkinnyisSexy [5'7.6 |128.4|gw115|19.6| F]
Created: Fri Sep 7 09:51:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dvn0p/sorry_ive_been_posting_so_much_but_i_am_so/
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I officially match my flair from 2 years ago. I started to border between a high healthy weight and overweight for awhile there while I was "recovered" NOW MY BMI IS IN THE TEENS AGAINN!!!! I am not at my goal yet but I feel like I passed a milestone. I don't know why, but everything seems easier this time around. I don't really binge and when I do I'm still under my 1200. I don't know what changed this time over the last 12 years but something has. I don't order food, I don't b/p, I don't eat until I can't move, which happened every single time before. I feel like this time I can get to my goal and actually maintain it. Next step is getting to 117 so I will be officially underweight which I haven't been since I fell ill as a teen. Guys I know I post a lot, but you make me feel so much less alone. You're the only ones that I can talk to.
I wish I was sick enough to get pulled from school
/u/comrade_toastboy [65" | CW 119| GW 115 | UGW 110 | F]
Created: Fri Sep 7 09:46:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dvlkc/i_wish_i_was_sick_enough_to_get_pulled_from_school/
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I want to reach my goal weight, so I'll be sick enough to get out of school.I'd be thin and pretty. Maybe I'd more accept recovery because I don't like living like this, but i can't stop it. I'm just stuck.
What is that website that lets you see how a body would look at a certain height and weight?
/u/MarieSage [5'5" | CW: 132.2lb | GW: 110 | BMI: 22 | Weight Lost: -4.4 | 21F]
Created: Fri Sep 7 09:36:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dvi7f/what_is_that_website_that_lets_you_see_how_a_body/
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You know the one with the blue people who don't actually look like humans, just blue simulations? I feel too weird to ask this anywhere else haha love y'all
Who will you be at your UGW?
/u/depressionbunny [5'6" | 138 | 22.6 | -12 | FM]
Created: Fri Sep 7 09:33:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dvhbx/who_will_you_be_at_your_ugw/
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I imagine myself as a svelte and stylish New York City lady. I’ll feel taller. I’ll wear stylish black suits that accentuate my angles and bones. My cheekbones will be prominent. Hair dark and slicked back. Honestly, I want to channel Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada. Serious and focused. I know the point of the movie was to despise her, but I couldn’t help but admire her. That scene when her expensive ribeye steak is tossed in the trash because she had a better option... goals.
What about you all??
When do you know it's working?
/u/Flesh-And-Bone [Too Short | Too Fat | Too Old | Duderino]
Created: Fri Sep 7 09:33:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dvh91/when_do_you_know_its_working/
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I know it's working when the hunger reaches everywhere in my body, and when the prospect of eating overtakes my thoughts, and when the scent of raw beef causes my mouth to water.
That's when I know for certain that things are progressing smoothly.
[Tip] Sugar free gummy bears 👌🏻
/u/hopeless_anon [5'5 | CW: 115 LW: 85 | 17F]
Created: Fri Sep 7 09:18:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dvc06/sugar_free_gummy_bears/
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I initially bought them to help with my constipation, but holy shit they taste amazing! Tastes like a high quality normal gummy bear and the whole bag was 180 calories. Just a heads up to anyone with a sweet tooth. :)
[Help] Body composition problem
/u/eva1588
Created: Fri Sep 7 09:13:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dvab7/body_composition_problem/
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Its like I cant win. When I run I loose fat and my face look more lean, more of a cut jaw line, but my legs get too muscular looking. When I don't run, and do less intense exercise, my face looks soft and long and my whole body starts to resemble a string cheese. But my legs aren't muscular. Its like I cant find a lifestyle that gives me the body I want. I feel like I am going to need to stop being so active and just focus on restriction only. Anyone feel similar or found a lifestyle that is giving them the results they want?
[Rant/Rave] Why does food have to have calories
/u/karamilk8 [5'10" | CW132 | BMI 18.9 | -18 | F20]
Created: Fri Sep 7 09:09:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dv8y2/why_does_food_have_to_have_calories/
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I just love food so much, the aesthetic, the experience, even the freaking names. But I can’t have it and I hate myself for being so obsessed 🙃🙃🙃
[Help] My breathing is getting worse
/u/ISetMyGnomesOnFire
Created: Fri Sep 7 08:47:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dv1dc/my_breathing_is_getting_worse/
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Ive posted about this before but its getting worse.
I feel like my heart is actually slowing down and my breathing gets rapid. Its very painful and not like a panic attack at all so i can cross that off the list of possibilities.
​
Anyone else deal with this?
[Rant/Rave] Why am I not losing weight
/u/citrus_juuiice
Created: Fri Sep 7 08:45:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dv0ql/why_am_i_not_losing_weight/
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I’ve been purging and eating less than 1000 calories but my scale still says 119. I’m so frustrated, all this work is for nothing. I swear to god, I just want to lose like 15 pounds. But my scale won’t budge. I’m gonna restrict lower (400) every day next week and see how that goes because I’m sick of this.
How to break the binge cycle when you aren’t even restricting that much
/u/catacomical [5’6” | CW: 114 | GW: happy | F]
Created: Fri Sep 7 08:35:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9duxf4/how_to_break_the_binge_cycle_when_you_arent_even/
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I’m so fucking mad at myself. Binged on five mug brownies and half a pint of butterscotch ice cream. I literally used up half a stick of butter and so much chocolate. I don’t know wtf is up with my body - if I eat less than 1800 for a couple of days I will definitely binge which is like ???? 1800 is a decent amount of food ???? why am I like this ???? Can anyone offer tips on how to regain SELF CONTROL
Have trouble waking up after normal amount of sleep when restricting?
/u/TouchedDistortion
Created: Fri Sep 7 08:11:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dupcq/have_trouble_waking_up_after_normal_amount_of/
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After a couple days of heavy restricting (0-500Cal/day) I find I have a lot of difficulty waking up for things (like class). Does anyone else get this???
[Discussion] Are any other mental illnesses as badly stigmatized as anorexia?
/u/wholedwarf [5'5.5" | CW 125 | GW 115.5 | HW: 155 | F26]
Created: Fri Sep 7 07:55:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9duk49/are_any_other_mental_illnesses_as_badly/
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This is an honest question. I’ve never been to a therapist and and pretty inexperienced to the world of mental health in general.
I would never tell anyone in real life that I think I have anorexia. I feel like the general population looks down on it as something selfish, vane, deliberate, and childish. Are there any other illnesses that are as misunderstood and trivialized?
[Rant/Rave] I broke a stall by only eating chocolate yesterday
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2 | 149 | Aiming for 146 by 9/25 | -12| f21]
Created: Fri Sep 7 07:43:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dugha/i_broke_a_stall_by_only_eating_chocolate_yesterday/
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Honestly it's probably not BECAUSE of the chocolate since it's been 7 days and bound to break anyway, But in spite of eating 800 calories of chocolate over a couple hours yesterday I uh am down 1.5 pounds today.
I just find it hilarious because I've been craving chocolate so bad, apparently my body needed it lmao
[Discussion] The feeling of a full stomach
/u/Contron_2
Created: Fri Sep 7 06:50:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9du0r4/the_feeling_of_a_full_stomach/
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Is it just me, or is the feeling of a 'full' stomach when restricting different than a full stomach on a binge-cycle? I know that there is an obvious contrast in the amount of food, but it feels so much better to get full off of a small bowl of berries than being full of caloric-dense foods.
[Discussion] I should stop eating breakfast
/u/citrus_juuiice
Created: Fri Sep 7 06:42:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dtyl2/i_should_stop_eating_breakfast/
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It’s my favorite meal but everything is so high in carbs. Also I throes iff the rest of my calories for the rest of the day. Plus since I started eating breakfast, I’ve Plateaued.
[Other] 20 lbs down, 20 to go
/u/boyandgirlmom
Created: Fri Sep 7 06:13:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dtrb8/20_lbs_down_20_to_go/
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I have lost 20 lbs since the middle of summer, and 20 left to get back to my pre pregnancy/around my lowest weight. I have no one to discuss this with, so I posted here. Everyone else is either tired of hearing about my weight loss, or says "but you look fine!" Which is not encouraging. So anyway, yay me.
[Sticky] Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! September 07, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Sep 7 06:12:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dtr45/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread/
---
This is the weekly picture thread for September 07, 2018.
Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!
1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**
2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*
3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.
4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD
**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**
*****
Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.
Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)
[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! September 07, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Sep 7 06:12:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dtr2e/daily_food_diary_september_07_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for September 07, 2018.
You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.
A possible format:
* **Breakfast**
* **Lunch**
* **Dinner**
* **Snacks**
* **Total:**
For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)
[Rant/Rave] Disordered Eating Logic
/u/gauntlyghost [1.68cm | CW :cake: | BMI 19something | F]
Created: Fri Sep 7 05:40:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dtj73/disordered_eating_logic/
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Ate Falafels, Kale and Spelt for Breakfast this morning.
My Brain (After eating falafels and broccoli for lunch at a restaurant): You should stop eating so much junk you're going to get fat.
I just made myself throw up for the first time and I’m so ashamed
/u/ChasingHouse
Created: Fri Sep 7 05:37:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dtihf/i_just_made_myself_throw_up_for_the_first_time/
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I’ve “purged” with exercise and lax before but not throwing up, I just started binging on ice cream and started chugging water to try stop myself but ended feeling nauseous and I didn’t even think before running to the toilet and cramming my whole hand down my throat.
I’ve been trying to work on recovery and I feel like I just set myself back so far. Every where I’ve seen says once you do it the first time it’s like a seal breaking and you use it as an excuse to binge and I’m so scared.
This is super useless I’m just upset with myself and ashamed because what would my boyfriend say??? And my throat hurts so much right now I just wanna die
Just joined an ED support group on Facebook. This was the most recent post =/
/u/Minicarrotmuffin
Created: Fri Sep 7 05:34:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dthrr/just_joined_an_ed_support_group_on_facebook_this/
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https://imgur.com/TBH2gyj
meh i just want validation
/u/thegirlwhothrewaways
Created: Fri Sep 7 05:20:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dtegq/meh_i_just_want_validation/
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it sounds so stupid but i’ve lost 15kg (30ish lbs) and nobody has mentioned anything so part of me is like woo sneaky but the other part feels like i’m not doing enough ugh i hate this
Shirataki noodles
/u/audreyhepburnwho [25F | 5'8 | cw 159 | hw 196 | sw 172 | lw 150 | ugw 145]
Created: Fri Sep 7 04:29:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dt1nc/shirataki_noodles/
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I recently found shirataki noodles from the same brand i usually buy from, but as a reader to eat meal with a packet of teriyaki sauce. Just pour the sauce, stick it in the microwave and bam. Super low cal, and actually delicious but mad expensive. I never really thought of using shirataki noodles this way though. So to save money I'm gonna buy a ton of shirataki noodles from the Asian store, they're much cheaper there, and hopefully find some ramen flavor packets, or just straight up use broth?? I also thought of buying a jar of some sauce, like pesto, and use tiny portions of that. Would be perfect for a late night meal. Anyone do something similar?
[Rant/Rave] I’m doing so good and it’s gonna be ruined :(((
/u/dyingtobepretty [5ft|85lbs|F]
Created: Fri Sep 7 04:08:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dswfc/im_doing_so_good_and_its_gonna_be_ruined/
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I haven’t eaten in 2 days. All I’ve had is water and a large coffee from dunkin (with almond milk, 50cals) everyday and a 15cal sugar free redbull today. And I’ve burned a ton of calories working out strenuously and running around at work. I’m feeling really good about this time restricting. I feel so motivated. Even when I get hit with a hunger pang, I don’t think about eating, it motivates me to do my workout routine over again. I don’t wanna ruin the (little) progress I’ve made. I just want to lose as much as I can as fast as I can.
I made plans to smoke and drink wine with a couple coworkers and one of them snapchatted me today to ask if I’d bring taco meat because “we’re making tacos!!!!”. I can’t cancel on them. Like I said in my last post, I haven’t done anything fun in so long, and I’m leaving soon so I won’t have many more opportunities to hang with these people.
I don’t even like tacos that much. It’s a waste of a cheat day I didn’t even plan on giving myself. I guess I should have assumed we were eating something, because normal people eat dinner every night, but this really hit me like a ton of bricks. I’m scared I’m gonna get sick. I’m scared I’m gonna lose my motivation. I really just wanna stop eating until I’m happy about how I look. These damn tacos are gonna make me feel like I’m starting all over again, and I feel like I can’t waste a second that my body could be eating my fat instead of digesting food.
Why am I gaining weight immediately after restricting? How am I supposed to tell what my actual weight is?
/u/LadyCatTree [5"3 | 111 | BMI: 19 | Goal: 110 | 31F]
Created: Fri Sep 7 03:59:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dsu5s/why_am_i_gaining_weight_immediately_after/
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I went through a breakup recently and due to stress, just didn't eat for about three weeks. I had entire days where I ate nothing and several where I ate a handful of crackers, or maybe half a bowl of soup. So I went from almost 9 stone, to under 8 stone.
The initial stress has now subsided and I've started eating a little more. Not exactly huge quantities, I'm sure I'm still under 1000 calories a day - I'll have like, a sandwich and a coke zero at lunch, then soup for dinner. At the start of the week I was 7 stone 12 pounds and now I'm already weighing 8 stone 1 pound.
I want to be able to eat small meals without feeling like I'm going to just store all of it! I guess being in starvation mode gives you a specific 'empty' weight and then when you start eating you're naturally a little over that because of like, food mass being in you. But how much should that be happening? Am I going to keep gaining? Surely if I eat at under 1000 calories a day (I'm 5"3) then I should at the least, maintain?
Monster Absolutely Zero vs Monster Ultra Zero
/u/sunaflare
Created: Fri Sep 7 02:28:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ds9ve/monster_absolutely_zero_vs_monster_ultra_zero/
---
Hi guys!
Is there a difference between Monster Absolutely Zero (the black and blue can) and Monster Ultra Zero (white can)?
[Discussion] DAE hate wasting food
/u/moon___night
Created: Fri Sep 7 02:27:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ds9pg/dae_hate_wasting_food/
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I hate throwing out food that has gone bad but I feel even worse not finishing my meal or throwing out leftovers that are perfectly fine to eat. I hate that I can't leave half a plate of food even if I don't want to eat more of it just because I don't want perfectly good food thrown out. I even feel too guilty to fast right now because I have a bunch of apples that I know will go bad if I don't eat them soon 😧
I am officially crazy
/u/happyplantlover [5'8 | CW:114lbs | GW: 112lbs | -25 lbs | F20]
Created: Fri Sep 7 01:54:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ds3ho/i_am_officially_crazy/
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I just binged on RAW MUSHROOMS dipped in MUSTARD, air popped popcorn, blueberries and rosemary seasoned cashews and almonds. When you read that you think "at least all healthy", right? but straight up I ate so many cashews and almonds that I may have eaten 1,000 cals worth. I don't even want to begin to think about how many grams of fat just started packing onto my thighs.
I am vegan, and I 85% of the time I eat mainly fruits and vegetables and some grains, but occasionally like once a week I get these ravenous cravings for something with fat in it. I usually opt for nuts in attempt to healthily get a fix. But, does anyone else go through these phases of deprivation? It drives me crazy because I wish I could just be a perfect human that doesnt give into bingey urges :( I am so close to goal weight and Ive let my ED mind take over far too much of my life to not get there
I was doing so good but now I'm drunk and on a binge
/u/awildEDhasappeared
Created: Fri Sep 7 01:50:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ds2oo/i_was_doing_so_good_but_now_im_drunk_and_on_a/
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Fuck me guys, fuck me, drunk and upset about shit in life and now I can't stop drinking and eating. How the fuck do you stop this shit?
Fasting buddy!
/u/Hannahbutterflyana
Created: Fri Sep 7 00:04:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9drfx0/fasting_buddy/
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[removed]
Heart palpitations?
/u/Emorito [5'3 |CW: 109 |-36 | 22F]
Created: Fri Sep 7 00:02:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9drfj5/heart_palpitations/
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I’ll be fine for weeks, or just feel them every once in a while but then there’s periods where I feel then every single day and it’s painful. This period is triggered by one day of dehydration. How do I get back t not having palpitations? I’ve been drinking water with electrolyte powder a lot and it helps a lot but not completely.
[Rant/Rave] cheesecake
/u/ratpaq [5'1 | 103lb | 19.7 | 22lb | F]
Created: Fri Sep 7 00:01:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9drfff/cheesecake/
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i bought myself quinoa and cheesecake yesterday because its my birthday on sunday and i felt like being nice to myself, and i thought for sure id wake up and have an extra pound this morning but i actually lost a pound overnight, and now im about 3kg away from having an underweight bmi, which feels like something i can achieve reasonably soon?
i'm pretty stoke about it and didn't know who to tell
[Help] supplement recommendations please!!
/u/problemproblem420 [5'6'' | 122 | 19.7 | 19F]
Created: Thu Sep 6 23:53:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9drdjy/supplement_recommendations_please/
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since my relapse i've only been able to bring myself to eat around 500 cals a day. i am in no place to deal with my ed right now, but i want to make sure i don't become insanely malnourished (i know its inevitable but hey im trying)
can anyone recommend some basic necessary supplements? I've read a lot about ed people taking iron, magnesium, fish oil, etc. What else? thank you thank you <3
I’m so tired of this nonstop pain that is my ED
/u/Emorito [5'3 |CW: 109 |-36 | 22F]
Created: Thu Sep 6 23:21:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dr6cs/im_so_tired_of_this_nonstop_pain_that_is_my_ed/
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I’m just really sick of this nonstop cycle of binging and purging and then resisting food. I’m always in pain because I’m either stuck binging or resisting eating and while doing that I’m resisting and the pleasure of eating because I’m eating only stuff that’s good for me. My life consists ALWAYS of this bullshit and I’m so tired of it. And I get filled with so much water weight because once a week or so I binge and can’t purge because my gag reflex is shot or I make some excuse about why I can eat shit and I don’t lose weight. I’m soooo tired of this.
[Discussion] Anyone oddly obsessed with their shadow??
/u/WaffleWolf14 [5’7” | CW: 113.8 | BMI: 17.7 | F | GW:100 |]
Created: Thu Sep 6 22:58:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dr135/anyone_oddly_obsessed_with_their_shadow/
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This is a bit out there, and it’s late so I’m sorry if I ramble, but is anyone kind of obsessed with their shadow??
I don’t just mean when the sun is low and stretches out your shadow where it looks like a barbie (though tbh, that’s goals), but just, in general your silhouette.
I HATE my body and have lately had horrible dysmorphia, but when I see my shadow it kind of just goes away. It’s sort of even, idk, sexy?? Even when there’s no distortion.
I’m right between a mirror and a wall with my shadow. The mirror horrifies me, but my shadow is fine. It’s like you can’t see un-proportionate fat, chubby cheeks, or blemishes, and the lighting can’t make you look worse because, well, it’s just an outline. I love looking at it because it actually looks nice, and it’s the closest I can get to looking at myself without disgust? Which is making me think I’m just as worried about my skin/face as my body, but since I can’t change it I’m simply starving as a form of control. It’s super bizarre, and a bit of a revelation, and I was just wondering if I was the only one???
Starving and dieting just feel the same to me
/u/littlelivethings
Created: Thu Sep 6 22:58:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dr0wm/starving_and_dieting_just_feel_the_same_to_me/
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I feel like crap. I ate about 1300-1400 calories today, which is my healthy goal for weight loss. I planned to stick to 1000. Dinner was satisfying enough--I made a cauliflower crust veggie and chicken sausage pizza, 550 calories for half. I idiotically figured I was done for the day and had a vodka soda. Then of course I got hungry again and had a 1/2 pint of chilly cow low calorie ice cream and a salad with shredded chicken. My 800 calorie day became a 1400 calorie day because I already hit 1200 with the vodka and ice cream and was still fucking hungry and caved.
I'm so fed up with trying to lose weight a healthy way. I hit my highest ever pre-ED weight again 1.5 years ago, lost about 20 pounds, then gained back 15. Now I'm down 10ish lbs from my high weight again. I'm barely out of being obese. It has taken me all summer to lose those stupid 6 lbs because I've been trying to eat a normal 1200-1500 range for weight loss. The worst part is that I'm just as hungry on 1200 as I was on 600. I know some people do IF and aren't disordered, but that isn't me. I stick to 300 calories or fewer before 6 pm, just so that I don't have to bed hungry. Whether I eat 500 or 1,000 calories for dinner, I still feel hungry and dissatisfied. It's just so aggravating to feel miserably hungry and obsessed with my weight and diet when I'm supposed to be "healthy." I just feel like I have an eating disorder without the benefit of actually losing weight.
[Other] Arguing with myself that I could lose weight "normal" and "healthfully"
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2 | 149 | Aiming for 146 by 9/25 | -12| f21]
Created: Thu Sep 6 22:48:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dqymf/arguing_with_myself_that_i_could_lose_weight/
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Then I remind myself I just did OMAD so I could have 800 calories worth of chocolate today...What is normal
[Rant/Rave] Down the rabbit hole again
/u/mckatli
Created: Thu Sep 6 22:48:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dqyl1/down_the_rabbit_hole_again/
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Last year, once my doctor realized I was super underweight and couldn't digest meat anymore, I got shuttled through the recovery process. I had monthly appointments with a dietitian, weekly therapy sessions, etc. I was doing really well by the end of the school year. However, over the summer I had a job that required me to live in a college dorm for 6 weeks. The building where I TA'd had a single meal option that more often than not was disgusting (once I was served legitimately raw chicken parm) so I started skipping lunch. Then, I became disgusted by all the dining hall options and started barely eating dinner. God knows I never ate breakfast to begin with lol.
Anyway, now I'm back at school and actually have control over what I can make myself to eat. However, once I got on that relapse train it's really fucking hard to get off it. My insurance is currently in lapse because my mom just got a new job and so I can't see any of my doctors. I don't have a scale in my apartment so I don't focus on weight as much, but every day I feel like I'm letting down everyone who was so proud of my progress last year.
I just really needed to vent about how good it feels to not eat and how hard it is to start recovering again, especially because my Wellbutrin suppresses my appetite. Why can't I just be normal?! What the fuck is my problem?!
[Discussion] DAE Self harm when they fail a fast or binge?
/u/PanWitchyPunkster
Created: Thu Sep 6 22:36:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dqvov/dae_self_harm_when_they_fail_a_fast_or_binge/
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I've started doing that lately as my stupid body will not let me purge...
[Discussion] What do you think when you see “”real women”” used in an advertisement?
/u/lynnB123
Created: Thu Sep 6 22:34:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dqv4h/what_do_you_think_when_you_see_real_women_used_in/
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Obviously all women are real (chill plz) but I use the term to be concise and how people use the term real women to mean women who aren’t the traditional model type
Anything I can use instead of oil?
/u/SkinnyisSexy [5'7.6 |128.4|gw115|19.6| F]
Created: Thu Sep 6 22:23:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dqsg1/anything_i_can_use_instead_of_oil/
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I love stir fry and frying up some veggie, but honestly, oil scares the shit out of me. There has to be another way for me to cook without sticking.
Will Ducolax work?
/u/hopeless_anon [5'5 | CW: 115 LW: 85 | 17F]
Created: Thu Sep 6 22:21:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dqs47/will_ducolax_work/
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I basically never touch stimulant lax but im getting desperate guys. I even started eating a decent amount of food again because I want to poooooooooop
I'm eating 1300ish and for over a week ive been pooping nothing but pebbles. I've even taken a few stool softeners and miralax but to no avail. So today I took a dose of miralax and 2 ducolax. You guys think its gonna work?
I'm even thinking about getting some sugar free gummi bears :(
[Discussion] Quitting binging is incomparably harder for me than quitting drinking ever was, and I was/am an alcoholic
/u/halfcigarette [5'4"| CW: too freaked to check | BMI:20ish | 22F]
Created: Thu Sep 6 22:20:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dqrv1/quitting_binging_is_incomparably_harder_for_me/
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Just wanted to put this out there
What have your binge-quitting experiences been like?
/generally, how has quitting binging been similar/different from quitting other habits?
[Discussion] Best compliment you’ve ever received about your body? Or comment that made you feel good about yourself?
/u/ihate-chicken
Created: Thu Sep 6 22:14:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dqq4q/best_compliment_youve_ever_received_about_your/
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Trying to spread some positivity and I bet we could all use a space to remember what others have complimented us on as we probably don’t see ourselves in the same light as others do
[Rant/Rave] Icecream cones are my weakness
/u/skinnylilalien
Created: Thu Sep 6 22:13:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dqpwy/icecream_cones_are_my_weakness/
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Ugh I’ve been saving my calories for this moment... I reached 500 cal today why am I freaking out?? I know I won’t gain ya ya but fuck I feel guilty. Now I just want another cone but I refuse to go over my cal limit fml
[Help] Short leg thinspo request
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 105-107 | UGW: 94 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 6 22:08:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dqojk/short_leg_thinspo_request/
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Has anyone seen thinspo of girls who have proportionally short legs compared to the rest of their bodies? I feel like all the thinspo I see is girls with super long legs, even if they’re short.
[Rant/Rave] Water weight is killing me!
/u/alysiakw
Created: Thu Sep 6 22:06:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dqo3p/water_weight_is_killing_me/
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Okay. Visited my mom over the long weekend. Never went over 1000 calories, but it was all restaurant food, so the salt content was crazy. Get back and I gained FIVE POUNDS in four days. I know it’s all water retention, but it won’t move. I had just hit a new low before the trip and I want back there so bad!! As of this morning, I’m still two pounds up. Just super irritated and I want to flush it all out. Ugh.
[Rant/Rave] should i eat those last two pieces of cheesecake or cry instead? lol i’m torn
/u/3ghostly [5’3 | CW: 116 | GW: 110 ]
Created: Thu Sep 6 21:50:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dqjsb/should_i_eat_those_last_two_pieces_of_cheesecake/
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so let me explain: i bought a giant cheesecake a couple days ago because i just had a craving. a $20 craving. a “the only reason i didn’t stuff my face of 16 pieces of cheesecake was because my family is watching me” sort of craving.
but now there’s two pieces left. and yes, i’m already over my daily calories. do i need the extra 600 on top of the 500 extra i’ve already had???
like, duh. fucking no. but i can’t help but feel the need. i have such an unhealthy relationship with food. it’s honestly fucking gross. i wish i could go back to when i didn’t give a shit about calories. i hated my body but at least it wasn’t hard for me to eat food. i just ATE it. i didn’t cry, i didn’t feel guilty. i had three pieces of cake and felt GOOD. because it’s delicious.
and now i’m freaking out about calories that any normal person wouldn’t give a damn about. on the verge of tears because i want it, but i know i’ll feel worse.
ugh i just needed to rant. im going to tell my brother to eat it instead. i need it gone
tomorrow is a new day .___.
"From Fit to Fat and Back again"
/u/Chunky-chunker
Created: Thu Sep 6 21:45:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dqim7/from_fit_to_fat_and_back_again/
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[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ew7g7AqGqzo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ew7g7AqGqzo)
I am seeing my therapist tomorrow
/u/IDontLikeLollipops
Created: Thu Sep 6 21:37:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dqghl/i_am_seeing_my_therapist_tomorrow/
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I don't know how I'm going to feel about talking to him tomorrow, but I know if I don't talk to you guys first I'm not going to feel normal enough to tell him shit.
Since the last time I've seen him, I've fallen pretty deep into a couple rabbit holes.
I got less good at restricting, because I felt very responsible to the friends I made over the summer.
But I started purging and chewing/spitting because they couldn't tell. Then I went home, but still felt responsible to them and wanted to be "good" for them because I went to visit over labor day.
Now I'm here. I want to kill myself both directly and indirectly. I want to restrict forever. I want to throw up every time I eat. And there's no one I feel responsible to right now. I don't know how to live for myself.
I fucking hate myself.
I hate myself because I don't want to recover, and now I have no reason to because the only person I want to be healthy for doesn't care...
I'm dying.
Successfully purging nougat?
/u/BEDBulimic [153cm | CW: 55.8 | GW1: 55 | -8.2 | 20F]
Created: Thu Sep 6 21:33:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dqfgv/successfully_purging_nougat/
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Just had a mini binge of 4 europe nougat bars and really want to purge... is it even possible to purge nougat or should I just give up?
lol screams pls help
[Tip] First post but ONLY 66CAL!!! Dying
/u/aieacrn
Created: Thu Sep 6 21:30:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dqen2/first_post_but_only_66cal_dying/
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https://i.redd.it/82qcav1ikqk11.jpg