[Help] Just keep slimming 🐠
/u/lilith2569
Created: Thu Sep 6 20:56:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dq5hu/just_keep_slimming/
---
I used to have access to ADHD meds or adipex. I no longer do. Is there anything that mimics that appetite suppressant? I have recently heard of EC stacking.. but I can’t get ephedrine without a prescription. I’m thinking the ephedra extract is sold but I’m unsure of where to buy, what brand to buy, if it’s worth it, etc. Does anyone know of anything that acts like the adipex or if the EC is worth it and can recommend what to get?

Halo top is finally in NZ!
/u/moisiny
Created: Thu Sep 6 20:54:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dq4xr/halo_top_is_finally_in_nz/
---
https://i.redd.it/nst8y47udqk11.jpg

[Rant/Rave] I binged and I’m wasted
/u/throwmoneyatme223388
Created: Thu Sep 6 20:35:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dpztv/i_binged_and_im_wasted/
---
I binged in chips and Queso and margaritas. I’m drunk and I’m ugly and worthless. I just want to be skinny and beautiful and guys to like me but here I am fat and fucking ugly and unlikable.


I wish I had never been abused by an older man when I was younger. I just want to be that normal, skinny, beautiful girl and I’m not. God I want to cut myself. I wish I would just starve until I die, but I can’t because I’m a fucking hippo. Sorry for the rant. I just wish I didn’t exist.

[Rant/Rave] [Rant] Just binged for the first time in a while
/u/xz8362614455921r [5'2.5" | CW: 109lbs | GW: 84lbs | 26y/o]
Created: Thu Sep 6 20:33:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dpz8v/rant_just_binged_for_the_first_time_in_a_while/
---
[Also: mild drug TW]

I made it 19 days (almost three weeks) without binge-eating. That's the best I've done in ages.

But fucked up today. Yesterday, my intake was the lowest it's been in a while, and I've been ill. Then tonight, a friend came over to smoke a bl/nt with my roommates and me. I haven't smoked in ages, and ended up getting 'the muchines.' Ate at least a couple hundred cals of tortilla chips and salsa, WHILE one of my roommates was chatting with and watching me.

So disgusted. I feel like I could barf. Roomie insists it's fine and 'making up for [me] not eating enough,' but I don't necessarily believe her, haha.

Anyway, sorry/thanks to anyone who read that trash. I guess lately I've been dealing with the first relapse I've had of a problem I've been dealing with for over a decade and I'm tired of this life, lol. [/end pity party]

Found in another sub...
/u/AbjectRepresentative [Height | CW | BMI | Weight Lost | Gender]
Created: Thu Sep 6 20:32:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dpz15/found_in_another_sub/
---
https://imgur.com/NCIxHHt

Fuck I miss starving
/u/WarriorChica
Created: Thu Sep 6 20:18:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dpus3/fuck_i_miss_starving/
---
A couple of years ago I was crashing hard & did the whole treatment thing (Castlewood, McCallum, EDCA, UCLA, fucking River Oaks, I maybe forgot one or two). Kinda got my shit together. Scale says I'm maintaining (on the wrong side of a Big Weight indent, but w/e). Got my career established. Got out of foreclosure. Could concentrate on work. All that shit. But a friend asked me out for "drinks and nibbles" so I skipped lunch like I do when nothing critical has to be done in the afternoon and there's going to be OMG Such Intake in the evening. Got to the place before they did. And it hit me like a wave. That opioid flood of starving. "Hello starving my old friend..."

[Discussion] Different periods of eating?
/u/staticphat [Height: 5'3 | CW: Rice Paddle | GW: Chopstick]
Created: Thu Sep 6 20:17:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dpudz/different_periods_of_eating/
---
Does anyone else have binge/restriction/maintenance periods? Like I’ll have periods of several days where I binge heavily, days where I restrict, days where I restrict, and days where I maintain. Then it starts all over again :( I’m trying to get over the binging but it’s really hard

Favorite (un)intentional thinsporation? This singer used to post stuff like this so often it almost seemed purposefully pro, although not so much anymore. I still look at old pictures every day tho
/u/AbjectRepresentative [Height | CW | BMI | Weight Lost | Gender]
Created: Thu Sep 6 20:16:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dpu8k/favorite_unintentional_thinsporation_this_singer/
---
https://imgur.com/a/r5H74JM

DAE get muscle twitches
/u/cicadashellgirl
Created: Thu Sep 6 19:52:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dpmwa/dae_get_muscle_twitches/
---
this past week ive been restricting and fasting and i keep getting these awful muscle twitches that i think are related... there is this one in my upper back that has been twitching for 12hr today its so annoying and borderline painful. anyone else get these? anything help them go away?

[Help] Anyone ever purge with other people in the room?
/u/comrade_toastboy [65" | CW 119| GW 115 | UGW 110 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 6 19:39:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dpj3w/anyone_ever_purge_with_other_people_in_the_room/
---
I live in a dorm with a bathroom. I wake up before my roommate and usually I wait till I’m alone to purge but it’s getting harder to keep food down. If I turn on the shower and play music that should cover the sound right?

[Discussion] SO DAF?
/u/youcansaynoyouknow
Created: Thu Sep 6 19:36:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dpi7d/so_daf/
---
Just curious. I’m married and was borderline underweight to begin with, so I don’t blame him. But I do still. My BMI is below 17.5 for the first time in several years, but he shows ZERO interest/concern, so I am starting to feel like, wow, you really DGAF about me? Or are you just dense? Or think I’m fine, or think I’m totally doing this with full control? I don’t think he understands how messed up my head and obsessive tendencies are—except when he rolls his eyes. Which is super helpful... 🙄 I mean, I don’t bring it up except in very casual chat, but come on, dude. I’m your wife. Ugh.

[Rant/Rave] I've hit a plateau and thinking about using ADHD meds to help my restriction
/u/sucrederable
Created: Thu Sep 6 19:32:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dph2p/ive_hit_a_plateau_and_thinking_about_using_adhd/
---
I do have ADD with a prescription and now I think I might take it more often. Especially on the weekends. I need to control my hunger and intake.

It's driving me insane. I eat 200-250 cals for breakfast, then fast until 5pm. But then I just eat so much in the evening. I try to hit 1,000 every day. The weekends are worse, because there is nothing keeping me busy. It's so frustrating.

I really need to lose this weight. I'm at a 21.5 bmi, but want to get down to 18.

[Rant/Rave] Sleep-sleep eating
/u/elevenbravo274 [5'7 | 114 | 17.8 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 6 19:21:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dpdy4/sleepsleep_eating/
---
Ok I have to admit this is kinda funny. Last night I had a dream that I went to eat pizza, but there was none left. My mom told me I had eaten the entire thing IN MY SLEEP. That’s right folks. I didn’t even get to dream about eating a whole pizza because it happened while I was asleep IN A DREAM. so disappointed lol

Can we have a moment of appreciation for Pepto Bismol?
/u/xx420bluntymcbongxx [5'7" | CW 125 | BMI 19.51 | 25F 🇨🇦]
Created: Thu Sep 6 19:21:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dpds2/can_we_have_a_moment_of_appreciation_for_pepto/
---
I mean, come on now - not only is it great for a sour stomach after a purge/binge, but it tastes BETTER THAN CANDY!!

You're the one thing in my life that never lets me down, you saucy pink ambrosia of the gods.

[Help] what were the first symptoms of malnutrition you felt?
/u/aplanetkid [5'7" | 21.44 | -12.4 | male | GW 110]
Created: Thu Sep 6 19:20:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dpdg5/what_were_the_first_symptoms_of_malnutrition_you/
---
ive been restricting for a little while now and starting to feel different, wondering if these are due to restricting and normal

[Rant/Rave] you ever freak out over eating normal amount of calories
/u/summerservice [5'2 | ??? | 19F]
Created: Thu Sep 6 19:15:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dpbwm/you_ever_freak_out_over_eating_normal_amount_of/
---
I'm kidding obviously y'all know what I mean

I'm trying to restrict to 800 and I've been good the past few days but today I missed lunch and my roommate got a lil upset with me and so I ended up with about 1200 for the day (my dumb ass stayed wanting JUICE for some reason) and I was stressing hardcore but like... 1200 is totally normal for a person who is dieting.... I will still lose at 1200.......... I'm still mad though

also I didn't bring my scale to school so lol no idea what I weigh rn !! I have lost about an inch off my waist since the last time I measured though ;-)

[Help] Any documentaries about ED’s that don’t focus on bulimia or anorexia?
/u/trappedinaclub
Created: Thu Sep 6 19:10:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dpal6/any_documentaries_about_eds_that_dont_focus_on/
---
Ok does anyone know of any documentaries about eating disorders or people with an eating disorder that don’t focus on the extremes? Like I feel like all of them just look at the extremely thin side or the extremely obese side of ED’s but i don’t know of any documentaries or movies that look at people with an ED that are like more middle range

Having trouble deciding
/u/Adventurous_Mango
Created: Thu Sep 6 19:10:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dpaha/having_trouble_deciding/
---
Ive been a lurker for a while. I was hoping for some advice. Going back to my Mental Health doctor in a few days to get a prescription for my ADHD. Im looking forward honestly because with my bipolar i get stuck in these binge and purge loops for days. I have seen that vyvanse is something that might help me and help me to reach my restricting goals. Does Ritalin help as much as vyvanse does with appetite? ritalin is cheaper with my insurance, but if vyvanse is better i will try to go with that. Thanks in advance for the words of wisdom.

[Help] Thinspo of women with HUGE AF ribcages?
/u/110_percent_bot
Created: Thu Sep 6 18:58:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dp6w5/thinspo_of_women_with_huge_af_ribcages/
---
Does anyone know where I can find thinspo of women with huge ribcages?

Reason: I have a huge ribcage. It's just...really thick. Like even if you get rid of back fat and just measure the bones, it is huge. I hate it so much since I know I'll never be able to look petite and dainty like I want to. I just want to see what I could look like at my ideal BMI (20 or lower)...

[Rant/Rave] DAE hate compliments?
/u/katkicksthesky
Created: Thu Sep 6 18:57:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dp6aa/dae_hate_compliments/
---
I've been heavy restricting since February and I've lost 55 pounds as of today. Everyone keeps telling me how good I look and honestly, I fucking hate it. I don't feel good. I still have so much weight left to lose before I hit my gw. I don't get how they look at me and can say that with me still being such a fucking whale.

I can't restrict like I used to as a teen
/u/moderatefemme
Created: Thu Sep 6 18:56:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dp61c/i_cant_restrict_like_i_used_to_as_a_teen/
---
Im 25 now, and I tried to go a whole day without food. I got incredibly angry and lashed out, I was too weak to walk more than a mile, and had to order something with sugar from a cafe so that I could have the strength to walk home. My previous record was a week on just fresh juice at age 20. I feel like I don't know to restrict anymore now that my body is older and apparently fed up with my bullshit. My ED has been in remission for a few years, and now that my metabolism is healed and my body is healthy, restricting is like this! Where is my fasting high and feeling of invincibility? What's wrong with my body?!

[Rant/Rave] I've been telling my friend more and more about my ED habits and I'm beginning to think I'm being a burden on him
/u/110_percent_bot
Created: Thu Sep 6 18:52:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dp4vw/ive_been_telling_my_friend_more_and_more_about_my/
---
I have this close friend. A while ago we were talking about some personal stuff, he was having relationship problems with his now ex girlfriend, and my ED came up, and I sort of hinted at it "oh back in high school I starved myself". Ever since, I've been opening up to him about it more. Very slowly, I'd say over the span of six months. Now he's heard quite a bit. I'll sometimes tell him if I'm fasting that day, or if I had ephedrine and am feeling jittery. I never tell him about binges though, because I don't want him to think I am disgusting. We even sort of joke about it. Like he'll say "I'm going out to dinner with friends" and I'll say "Haha eating" and he'll say "Please eat", stuff like that. He is supportive and kind and never says anything wrong, he doesn't lie to me and tell me I'm skinny but also doesn't hurt me and tell me I'm fat or need to lose weight.....

But I also worry I'm becoming a burden on him. I'll sometimes say "sorry this is too much I shouldn't be saying this" and he will just ignore it. Also in a way having a person to tell ED stuff makes me feel successful in a really fucked up way, like, I must be losing weight if I'm restricting enough for someone to be worried.

For example, today I just did a 24 hour fast and am still going strong...I really want to tell him (we text a lot, sometimes just small stuff like "I saw X movie today", so saying this isn't so weird other than the subject matter) ....but I can't tell why, is it because I am proud and want to share my accomplishment, is it because I want him to care about me more? Will he just be annoyed that I am not following his advice to get help from a doctor?

What makes things even more complicated is that I think I have a crush on him. So a part of me wants him to know this stuff so he cares about me more, and the other part is wondering whether I blew my chances since I told him too much and now he thinks I'm too messed up. And then I also catch myself thinking how great it'd be to lose weight "for him" and ugggh... This is just the worst. I hate myself

[Discussion] dae use b/ping like a drug?
/u/sleepyboyblue [5'5 | CW 110 | GW 100 | M]
Created: Thu Sep 6 18:48:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dp3ih/dae_use_bping_like_a_drug/
---
i like drugs bc they let me forget im me, and when you blank out and have a good big b/p sesh it kinda feels the same. is this just me or do u guys do it too??

[Discussion] DAE watch cartoon/movies/shows and focus on what the characters diets are like more than actually watching it?
/u/bunnywithbpd [5"2 || 104]
Created: Thu Sep 6 18:43:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dp1xl/dae_watch_cartoonmoviesshows_and_focus_on_what/
---
Movies like Black Swan, I monitor everything the main ballerina (Natalie portman) eats as well as mila kunis's character.

In Skins too, I watch Effys eating pattern, Cassie's (obviously), and Michelle's.

I watched Alpha the other day and I was like wow! This guy is unintentionally fasting (as a man in the Ice Age lol) what goals!

Then watching the Last Airbender I'm like, wow Katara and Aang are such skinny goals, they must burn so many calories and eat so healthy in that world

Then NGL, spongebob makes me mad jealous knowing he can eat krabby patties and have such thigh gap goals 😤 (OK I'm joking on this one)

Anyone else?

[Rant/Rave] anddddd I binged -_-
/u/ohdarlingyourefucked
Created: Thu Sep 6 18:42:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dp1h9/anddddd_i_binged/
---
I was doing great today. But needed to go grocery shopping because we were almost out of everything. Because I was hungry and bought anything and everything my gluttonous eyes saw. Then got home and tore through all the junk I shouldn’t have bought in the first place. Now I’m hating myself but still wanting to go back for more. Why am I like this omg 😫

FUCK DINING HALLS
/u/duskedfur [5'7"|CW: 106|16.5|UGW: 100|F]
Created: Thu Sep 6 18:37:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dozxm/fuck_dining_halls/
---
i've been trying really hard to restrict well since i'm at my original UGW (104/105) but damn i still feel fat lol. my college dining hall is all you can eat but they list the calories in everything and portion it all out, which is nice? they also have sandwich and salad bars. yesterday i planned on making half a sandwich for ~100 calories, a small salad, and a bit of vegetable soup (~80) and have that as an OMAD, but nope!!! i ate all of that plus a fuckton of desserts and i ate like 3 entrees and it was fucking terrible. i can't control myself if i'm surrounded by food and i hate hate hate knowing i can't go back there. i've binged almost every time i've gone in and it fucking sucks. i purged maybe half of it and then my dad visited in the afternoon and bought fast food so of course i ate a ton of it and then purged that too, at least fasting today went pretty well because my throat hurts too bad to eat anything :')

[Discussion] Is it bad to want irl ed friends?
/u/FatsiaJaponica
Created: Thu Sep 6 18:36:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dozfw/is_it_bad_to_want_irl_ed_friends/
---
As much as I hate having a shit relationship with food, and not wishing it on anybody else, or wanting to trigger/encourage others to have bad relationships with food, I still sort of wish I had someone irl I could just hang with that also had an ed? I mean, I dunno. Being at university and having friends who want to do food-related things oe have perfectly normal food-relationships gets tiring. They're so fine, and I have to act fine as well (or have them comment on my habita). It would just be nice to have someone to talk to... That being said triggering another human would suck ass.

[Help] How many calories are in general tsp’s chicken
/u/citrus_juuiice
Created: Thu Sep 6 18:27:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9downa/how_many_calories_are_in_general_tsps_chicken/
---
I really love this dish but I can’t bring myself to eat it because I have no idea how many calories are in it. It’s been so long since I’ve had it too.

[Discussion] Anyone else on here NOT skinny?
/u/FeatherMahogany59
Created: Thu Sep 6 18:18:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dou1d/anyone_else_on_here_not_skinny/
---
I mean, I know none of us think we are... but I mean actually overweight or close to it? I just this month lost enough that I’m considered healthy weight. I lost a TON of weight from restricting while in college (after a long time binge eating), gained it back, and recently started restricting a lot again.

Just wanted to see if anyone was in the same boat as me. Is anyone else trying to lose a lot of weight, or are you guys working to get to 100 instead of 105?

Stuff we already know, but probs a good all-in-one guide
/u/rizzie_ [5’2 | 126.7 | HW: 142 | F | 🍑: rizzie_]
Created: Thu Sep 6 18:10:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dorgp/stuff_we_already_know_but_probs_a_good_allinone/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/1200isplenty/comments/9dmyet/starbucks_guide_by_a_1200isplenty_barista/

[Rant/Rave] New record??
/u/ManWithTheHands [6'5" | HW-333|CW-250 | GW-220 | BMI-27.56 | -83 | M19]
Created: Thu Sep 6 17:52:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9domd1/new_record/
---
I just weighed in at 248, the lowest I can remember being before this is 280 lmao, I'm closing in on my GW

[Rant/Rave] UGHHHHHHHHH
/u/kahmanee [6’2” | 180 | 23.1 | 80+ lbs | Male]
Created: Thu Sep 6 17:46:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dokd2/ughhhhhhhhh/
---
why is it whenever I’m having a good day I manage to screw it up somehow? I fasted for 23 hours today and I felt so nice and skinny, it was amazing. of fucking course I ruined it and binged. I wouldn’t be feeling too bad about binging but unfortunately this past week i’ve been eating around maintenance and I hate it. I just know the bloat and water weight is gonna stick around for a while too ugh

[Tip] **PSA** Feeling a binge coming on? Trying to kill time while restricting? Having a bad day? Volunteer at your local animal shelter!
/u/coconutfi [5'9" | 17.1 | 21F]
Created: Thu Sep 6 17:35:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9doh4s/psa_feeling_a_binge_coming_on_trying_to_kill_time/
---
I can answer yes to at least one of those questions almost daily.

This never occurred to me so I wanted to mention it. I was having a really shitty day, but then I went to a volunteer orientation at the animal shelter. I feel so much better!! Didn't even get to see animals today, it was just a really wholesome environment.

Kill time, give some love to animals that need it, and let them give some love back! It's a win win win.

Please consider for both your sake and the animals ;)



[Tip] Starbucks guide by a 1200isplenty barista
/u/groovedude
Created: Thu Sep 6 17:29:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dof1h/starbucks_guide_by_a_1200isplenty_barista/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/1200isplenty/comments/9dmyet/starbucks_guide_by_a_1200isplenty_barista/

Gonna do a No-Body-Checking challenge for the rest of the month.
/u/bunnywithbpd [5"2 || 104]
Created: Thu Sep 6 17:23:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dodgz/gonna_do_a_nobodychecking_challenge_for_the_rest/
---
No mirrors, no poking my thighs, no tight clothes, no fat pinching, no measuring, no scales nadaaa.
Had some sort of mass hysteria yesterday for half an hour with my legs looked like they were huge, had a horrible freakout, then after I looked at them again and they looked back to normal. Excuse me but what the fuck brain? LOL.

Decided looking at my body causes a lot of triggers and I perform better on my diet by not feeling like a sack of blob. I'm pretty sure I'll feel a lot better after.

Here's to oversized shirts and shorts for a month 👍

[Rant/Rave] struggle
/u/AugustusMarius [5'1.5" | CW202.4 | BMI38 | -18 | 22M]
Created: Thu Sep 6 17:12:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9do9p8/struggle/
---
yesterday my girlfriend (which, apparently, I've got one now) told me I look "AMAZING" with my shirt off. I almost never take my shirt off.

she also told me it pisses her off when people don't take care of themselves & their bodies and she could never be with someone like that. I started laughing and asked her if she was aware that I was fat. she said it's different and I obviously put in effort. she has no idea.

an old friend told me today that I'm like a superhero because I got through school, kick ass at work, am dieting, etc. I couldn't take her seriously.

I'm doing well at work, & the person training me has to harass me to eat or else I'll go all 12 hours on caffeine and bronkaid. If she catches me skipping breaks, I'll eat a 200 calorie "meal" or some graham crackers and peanut butter.

But on my days off I lay here like a lump, don't go to the gym, and eat a disgusting amount of food. I can't get my mind right on my off days. I don't even want to leave bed. Why am I like this?! I smell a looong restriction phase coming on. It seems to be part of what people admire me for.... Or my delusional brain tells me everyone will love me more this way.

Everyone loves me except me. 🤷‍♂️


[Other] Looking for people to add on MFP
/u/madeinny88 [5'8" | 125 | 19.0 | 30/F ]
Created: Thu Sep 6 16:51:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9do32g/looking_for_people_to_add_on_mfp/
---
Let’s keep each other accountable... my username on MFP is Madeinny88, please feel free to add me or leave your MFP username in the comments and I will add you! 😃

Fitbit friends
/u/sugarfreeicetea [5'7"|-50|18F]
Created: Thu Sep 6 16:43:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9do0af/fitbit_friends/
---
I just got a fitbit and I want to add friends to do challenges with!
If anyone would like to join message me your email and I will add you to the challenge!

[Rant/Rave] DAE remember that episode of Freaky Eaters with the woman who would chew and spit all her meals?
/u/RachAgainstLeMachine [5'3 🌻 CW: 93lbs 🌻 21F]
Created: Thu Sep 6 16:40:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dnzi0/dae_remember_that_episode_of_freaky_eaters_with/
---
I think the episode was called like “addicted to liquids” or something (I don’t exactly remember), but I’m surprised this hasn’t been talked about on here!

I remember watching this episode like 3 years ago, before I had even thought of chewing and spitting as a means of weight loss (I was just fasting).

After seeing this episode, I immediately bought a package of Oreos and adopted chewing and spitting. It’s now an every day, multiple-times-a-day ordeal.

This episode quite literally ruined my life.:(

Ahhh, last-minute meal out w/ coworkers...
/u/DinosaursAndStarStuf [5'3.5| 106 | 18.5| F]
Created: Thu Sep 6 16:33:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dnww9/ahhh_lastminute_meal_out_w_coworkers/
---
I started smoking weed again because I missed it and because my fiance was worried about me - I got down to 103lbs which is around an 18.1 BMI. I got up to 20 BMI last month and felt super uncomfortable so I just cut out weed again this week. I'm already back at an 18.8 and finally feelin' groovy and like myself again after about 2 months of smoking+eating more than I wanted to in the evening.


So we had our staff meeting and there's a girl from corporate visiting and at like 3:30pm everyone decided we're going out for dinner at 7pm and she's paying - plus we're all leaving from work together. We're a small group - only 7 of us - and I really do like my coworkers. I'm so conflicted. I do want to go, and maybe I'll just have a salad and say I had a snack before dinner. I kinda wanna come up with an excuse and go home to eat my tiny portion of stir-fry leftovers w/ shiritaki rice too though!!



Fuuuuuck I had no time to prepare for this! Halp.

I start university in a week. I'm freaking the fuck out.
/u/bangsofsteel2 [5"3/BMI 19ish/ (made a new account)]
Created: Thu Sep 6 16:26:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dnuuc/i_start_university_in_a_week_im_freaking_the_fuck/
---
1. I lost to 103lbs back in June and I *know* I've gained so fucking much since then I'm scared to weigh myself.
2. I've been binging for the past week and I'm super bloated.
3. The only thing I can think about is my ED.
4. My time table shows I only have lessons 2 days a week and I'm scared free time might be the literal death of me.
5. I have this drive to restrict hard whenever I have my own space, social life and responsibilities be damned.

I'm so out of my element. I literally have no clue how to handle everything right now.

[Rant/Rave] Embarrassed
/u/thingsarestranger [5’2” | CW: 125 | -35 | GW:95 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 6 16:08:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dnovy/embarrassed/
---
So I’m honestly ashamed bc I’m the one who made the binge free September post but after school today I went home and b/p a shit ton of food. Ice cream, a brownie, a fuckton of leftover Chinese, and a slurpee. Went to the gym for 50 mins to try and make myself feel better but I just feel fat and gross. How’s everyone else doing?

Binge :(
/u/ViceIsNotNice
Created: Thu Sep 6 16:06:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dno21/binge/
---
Saw that I had lost more weight than I was expecting since yesterday. Rationally, I knew it didn’t really mean anything. But I was so hungry, and I decided to have a piece of cheese. Five minutes later, 800 calories gone.

I feel so ashamed. My spouse is encouraging me to at least eat up to maintenance today. Probably because they think I’m going to fast for the next three days now. That’s not entirely wrong...

So angry with myself.

[Rant/Rave] Ummm I just weighed in at 132.2
/u/not-creative-enough-
Created: Thu Sep 6 16:02:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dnmmj/ummm_i_just_weighed_in_at_1322/
---
WOW!!! I mean I’m sure it’s just a lot of water weight that I lost, but I haven’t been able to break the 140’s for awhile now. And I’ve binged quite a bit the past couple of days, but even when I did restrict and run I hadn’t lost nearly as much water weight. I was super scared to step on the scale lol Hopefully it’ll stay on a downward trend and now that school has started it’s easier to restrict!!

Btw, I’m 5’5 and a bmi of 22.22 as of now!!!

[Discussion] Has anyone ever felt bad about relaxing all day?
/u/chrysanthemym [she/her // queer // fuckin' pear shaped]
Created: Thu Sep 6 15:57:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dnkwu/has_anyone_ever_felt_bad_about_relaxing_all_day/
---
I know this is somewhat off-topic from ED things, but, it's been something on my mind.

I have school from Mondays through Thursdays, 7am to 5pm, I'm constantly going. Even after 5pm, I have homework, notes, studying, etc. (it never ends).

On the times, the little and big moments that I have, sometimes even days, I take time to relax. And by relax, I mean scroll through reddit, chill out on my bed, drink a nice cold coke zero, scroll through pinterest, and just veg out. Sometimes, this lasts for a couple hours then I start being productive again. But some days, I legit do this all day aside from making meals and what not. And, well, I can't help but feel somewhat bad about that?

Has anyone ever spent a whole day relaxing, not doing anything, and vegging out? Maybe even more? How do you feel about that?

I’m a 6ft tall and 140 pounds girl
/u/patjetski
Created: Thu Sep 6 15:54:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dnk3w/im_a_6ft_tall_and_140_pounds_girl/
---
And I still feel fat.
Should I loss?

I Have Dentures now!
/u/Jessica_Briefly
Created: Thu Sep 6 15:42:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dnfwp/i_have_dentures_now/
---
I'm 34 I been struggling with an ED of one or another since my teen years. Here I am back at it again. I have NEVER been the skinny girl. I was born to a young mother who just stuck a bottle/food in my mouth to keep me quite. Lowest size was 12 which I got down to after bulimia and anorexia and exercise. Couldn't get any lower ever :( . Gave up and binged myself up to 300+ I did this Twice. Now I am back down to 194.6 and hoping to get to a healthy weight at least. All of this made my teeth rot out of my skull and last year I got dentures. It was a bit to get used to but hey it ain't that bad... Anyway I just want to be healthy, eat healthier foods, and get down to size 11 😂😂😂 Hi Everyone!!!

[Rant/Rave] I begged my mother to hide the scale.
/u/misssarajones [5'2 | CW: 139 | HW: 175 | UGW: 110-115 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 6 15:32:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dncim/i_begged_my_mother_to_hide_the_scale/
---
I begged her to hide the scale, for atleast a week. I've been driving myself nuts with my weightloss, and I even purged for the first time yesterday in my life to lose a pound.

​

Every morning.

Every evening.

Every night.

​

I would just weigh myself constantly. It was driving me nuts. The number was making me scared to eat. I'm sick of this!

I begged my mother to hide the scale.
/u/misssarajones [5'2 | CW: 139 | HW: 175 | UGW: 110-115 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 6 15:31:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dnc4n/i_begged_my_mother_to_hide_the_scale/
---
I begged her to hide the scale, for atleast a week. I've been driving myself nuts with my weightloss, and I even purged for the first time yesterday in my life to lose a pound.

​

Every morning.

Every evening.

Every night.

​

I would just weigh myself constantly. It was driving me nuts. The number was making me scared to eat. I'm sick of this!

[Goal] Woooooo for the win! I hit my goal!
/u/xerox13ster [5'7" | 258 | Goal: 250 | 40.9 | 30 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 6 15:23:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dn9l4/woooooo_for_the_win_i_hit_my_goal/
---
ok ok ok, it's not strictly my goal, I have another .8 lbs to go, but I'm at 250.8! I haven't been this low since I left college!

New goal: 225

I haven't been there since the beginning of college. I got this now, lessgo!

Just bad lately, so bad.
/u/Newbeginningtake2 [5'2" | 81 | 15.35 | 54lbs | Female]
Created: Thu Sep 6 15:22:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dn91l/just_bad_lately_so_bad/
---
In the past four months I've gained 10 pounds. I'm at 92 as of this morning. B/p-ing has become my new cutting. Cutting does so much for me, feels when I don't feel anything, stops the feelings when they are too much, etc etc etc and now I feel like since almost every cut of my past few times have been so major and requiring medical attention, stitches, I'm too afraid to cut. Even though I miss it. I drank heavily for 3 months. I'm 3 days sober and not planning on drinking again, ever. Not worth it. My depression is at an all time high making me choose 12 hours of sleep a day rather than my 10 mile runs. Everything feels like it has fallen to shit. I've gotten my period three months in a row after 3 years of not having one for crying out loud. I know the weight gain is from the bing in ng and purging. But every morning I step on my Aria and see both my weight AND BF% going up and I want to absolutely die. However, I want to leave a 75 lb corpse, so I cant even fucking kill myself yet! Divorce sucks, it has been almost 4 years and it still hurts, I am only workingb2 days a week, have 2 classes, and I'm a 35 year old, single mom with primary custody of an amazing girl who asks, does this swimsuit make me look fat? Fuck. I'm a horrible role model. I dont know where to turn. Meds and therapy aren't effective anymore and I am at my wits end. I'm too embarrassed of my gain to even update my flair. Sorry. I dont know where else to vent this, but at least it is out now. How dangerous or expensive are these EC stacks I hear about? Can they curb sweets cravings that lead me to binging?! Is anyone out there? 😭

[Rant/Rave] Relapsed into restrictive yesterday, binging today. Kill. Me.
/u/WaffleWolf14 [5’7” | CW: 113.8 | BMI: 17.7 | F | GW:100 |]
Created: Thu Sep 6 15:19:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dn817/relapsed_into_restrictive_yesterday_binging_today/
---
So yesterday I started restricting again, and fasted for most of the day until I got home. Did okay.

Then I got my first period in 3 or so months 🙃

Cue binging on fruit gummies and chips while I’m at home sick, already eating three meals a day because my parents are home and we eat meals together. I don’t even wanna know how many calories I’ve had, and a part of me doesn’t even wanna give a shit.

And I’m bloated so I feel pregnant already, which doesn’t help... I would have purged this by now but my parents are home and I can’t, uGHHhhhHh.

It’s always really bad the first day and then usually goes away, so hopefully by tomorrow the restriction will continue as scheduled. Wish me luck while I go eat some cookies because I’m a fatass! 🙃

So today I was invited on a date for the first time in my life
/u/burn_herostratus
Created: Thu Sep 6 15:10:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dn4to/so_today_i_was_invited_on_a_date_for_the_first/
---
I've always been fat and never was taken out before. What am I worrying of?


That man? Nah, son, he's kinda nice but I'm just mildly interested, not infatuated. So if it doesn't work out no hard feelings for me.


My personallity? Would he like me? Ha! I know I'm fucked up beyond repaire so I'm just tracking time before he runs away screaming.


My body? Well, it's a shit. You can't be 275 lbs and then go to 150 lbs without a trace. The poor man gonna take it as it is or leave me be but I'm not gonna freak out whatever.


No, the only thing that's bothering me is what we gonna at least drink some wine and I am on my fucking week-long fast. Not sure my 'first ever' date is worth breaking it.


Yep, I am that fucked up.


restricting makes me feel like i have my shit together
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | relapse| gw: 97 | 23f]
Created: Thu Sep 6 15:09:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dn4jm/restricting_makes_me_feel_like_i_have_my_shit/
---
me when not restricting: procrastinating everything, stressed out, spends too much energy on food guilt, generally feels lazy and shitty

me while restricting: Extremely Productive, running a million errands, planning lowcal recipes and focusing on dressing well, thriving, wayyyyy over-caffeinated, literally unstoppable

lmfao anyone else?!

Fasting for a 5 days
/u/frozensun202
Created: Thu Sep 6 14:58:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dn0hc/fasting_for_a_5_days/
---
Gonna do my first fast, aiming for 5 days... Anyone got any tips or advice to help me get through it?

[Other] my anatomy teacher basically gave me tips on how to restrict better
/u/ScrunchiesandDraino [5’8”| CW: 249| BMI: 🐋|20F]
Created: Thu Sep 6 14:45:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dmw0z/my_anatomy_teacher_basically_gave_me_tips_on_how/
---
she told us about the whole myth of starvation mode, and stuff like that, but she then talked about dieting. and she told us that even if we eat nothing, the body will function normally, if not better, if you provide it with a bunch of water and vitamins and electrolytes. i immediately went to cvs and picked up a bunch of different vitamins and zero cal gatorade.

she also said that very thin women have a hard time getting pregnant which is great for me because i wanna look like a skeleton and i never want kids!!

My 7 year old tells me she’s sick...
/u/playboyhunties
Created: Thu Sep 6 14:38:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dmtb5/my_7_year_old_tells_me_shes_sick/
---
And as soon as she started throwing up trust and believe I kissed my baby right on the mouth. Give me that flu, baby girl. Why am I like this?! 🙃

[Discussion] I am going to attempt this for my October month cover page. Anyone else here into bullet journalling/tracking your progress offline?
/u/fluobun [183cm | 31.05 | 23F | BED]
Created: Thu Sep 6 14:11:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dmjkq/i_am_going_to_attempt_this_for_my_october_month/
---
https://i.redd.it/97ftdr6g8dk01.jpg

[Discussion] DAE doubt their logged food, even when they know they've not eaten more?
/u/BunnyAwesome [5'7"| F | CW 120 | GW 110]
Created: Thu Sep 6 13:53:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dmd3u/dae_doubt_their_logged_food_even_when_they_know/
---
Basically title. I've found the last couple of weeks I've been somewhat obsessively looking at MFP and doubting the number I see... even though I know for a fact I've not eaten any more or less and i feel like I must have eaten twice or more what's in the app? It's the weirdest thing and i wonder whether anyone else gets it or if I'm actually going loony.

Back on my bullshit after a year long binge
/u/back-on-mybullshit
Created: Thu Sep 6 13:53:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dmcyp/back_on_my_bullshit_after_a_year_long_binge/
---
Just needed to make a throwaway to vent. Lost 20 pounds in a couple months last summer after relapsing, then developed an alcohol problem. I binge eat when I drink. I'm officially the fattest I've ever been even though my weight has been up and down for like 8 years. Officially obese now. I literally hate my body and since I gained so much weight so fast (like 50 pounds in a few months) I now have stretch marks everywhere - stomach, thighs, arms, even my calves.

Anyway I'm back on my bullshit now, I'm quitting drinking and I bought my first pack of Bronkaid in like a year. Only thing that sucks is I'm going to have to purge since I moved back home and can't just fast like I could when I lived alone - I have to at least eat one normal-ish meal a day.

I'm just so disgusted with myself and how I let myself get this way. I was once able to get down to 115 with restriction alone and that was like 4 years ago. I've refused to buy new clothes since like 30 pounds ago and so I just look like a stuffed sausage hoping it shames me into losing weight faster.

[Rant/Rave] My baggy sweater betrayed me
/u/sorryihaveaboyfriend [5'6" | 119 | 19.2 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 6 13:48:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dmb6c/my_baggy_sweater_betrayed_me/
---
I'm having so many mixed feelings right now omg

Okay, so even though it's still really hot where I live, it's freezing in the morning and I work at 6am so I dress rather warm. Today I was wearing a baggy, oversized cardigan and kinda feeling myself tbh but then THIS happened and I wanna cry lmao

I get off work and stop by the mall really quickly because I had a 20 off of 50 rewards card for Victoria's Secret and I'm a slut for coupons. I was just browsing the underwear when the sales associate greets me and tells me about a sale on sports bras and I'm like oh hey I actually need one so we walk over to the display and she's telling me about the styles and just getting a feel for what I'm looking for. I let her know my size (32D), and that I prefer a good amount of support because I'm a runner (an enormous exaggeration - I run a ten minute mile on a good day and wheeze all the while buuuut I digress).

Anyway, she ends up showing me one I really like and I immediately grab a small because like that's my size but noooo this girl looks me up and down and then suggests a medium "just in case".

🙃

I'm a pathetically polite person so I just smiled and took both to the fitting room and GUESS WHAT

THE SMALL WAS TOO BIG

I NEEDED AN XS

But apparently I look much bigger than I am so fuck me lol

Like she was unbelievably nice and professional and whatnot but the fact that she just assumed I was a bigger size than I am totally killed me and I just needed to rant

But hey, it's motivation to fast for the rest of the day so yay





[Discussion] Anyone else feel guilty after eating?
/u/ohdarlingyourefucked
Created: Thu Sep 6 13:32:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dm59b/anyone_else_feel_guilty_after_eating/
---
Like it doesn’t matter what it is..it could be a couple hard candies or even a glass of water and I feel guilty. I had a roll with some peanut butter..first think I had all day aside from a coke zero (it’s 3:30pm) and I feel so damn guilty about it. Ugh.

[Other] Fucking ayy lmao
/u/Grellous8 [5'6.5" | Fatkunt (CW: ~150lbs.) | LW (110lbs.) | 16M]
Created: Thu Sep 6 13:24:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dm2ju/fucking_ayy_lmao/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/Showerthoughts/comments/9dm1ue/as_a_kid_you_love_to_eat_junk_food_and_not_care/

[Discussion] DAE have really bitchy weight-related thoughts?
/u/doses_and_neuroses
Created: Thu Sep 6 13:21:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dm1f4/dae_have_really_bitchy_weightrelated_thoughts/
---
Ever since I fully descended into bulimia/madness like a year and a half ago I have such judgmental and awful thoughts when I see overweight women. I would never, ever want to make anyone feel bad or say any of those thoughts out loud, but it’s like an automatic response to seeing fat women these days. Like there are a lot of bigger girls in one of my classes and I find myself just automatically judging them when they bring frapps and snacks to class or wear revealing outfits I’m too chicken shit to wear in public. They’re so nice and, again, I would never want to make them feel bad, but it’s like an automatic response.

I think it’s because when I see an overweight woman, I project my own self hatred into them. Like they represent some of the things I dislike the most about myself, i.e. binging, having no self control, et cetera. Even saying that sounds so awful. Maybe I’m just a bit of a cunt :(

[Help] heart palpitations?
/u/smallpaint [6'2" | god help me | M]
Created: Thu Sep 6 13:11:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dlxz1/heart_palpitations/
---
My heart will beat more heavily than normal — enough for me to feel it — for a while sometimes, not just after exercise but after a walk home from class or whatever. Is this worth getting checked, or ...? I stopped using EC stacks 4 months ago but I still vape.

👏You👏aren't👏hungry👏until👏you👏are👏eating👏vicariously👏through👏Mukbangs👏
/u/gigi-has-issues [5'9" | CW Fat | GW 115 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 6 13:06:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dlw3e/youarenthungryuntilyouareeatingvicariouslythroughm/
---
Shit post

[Other] Imposter syndrome/ feeling 'normal'
/u/Xelaalba [165cm | CW52.4kg | 19.2 | GW 50kg | F]
Created: Thu Sep 6 13:00:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dltue/imposter_syndrome_feeling_normal/
---
Does anyone else go through phases of just not giving a shit and eating almost normally?? ? Like not counting cals, eating without guilt, not body checking, or not even looking at thinspo or anything. If I told my friend I was feeling like this she'd be ecstatic, and would tell me she's proud of me for doing so well, for recovering or whatever. But I don't want to recover. Not yet. So I feel so fucking guilty for even feeling okay because it means that I'm probably gaining since I'm not counting my cals, or working out at 2am lol.

Then coming on this sub and seeing you guys fasting and shit, while I'm sitting here thinking about having cookies after dinner, I don't feel 'sick'. It's like it comes in cycles - when I'm not feeling guilty about eating, I feel guilty about.. NOT feeling guilty. what the fuck.
But the next day I'll wake up and sob over how fat I look and not leave the house that day, or straight up cry when thinspo comes up on insta (does that ever happen to anyone else?? just crying because their bones show and yours don't??). And it goes back to normal and ED brain wakes up again and makes me care about my body and hate myself again.

It's just frustrating having your ED be a source of some fucked up type of validation and then doubting if this huge part of your life is REAL whenever you feel okay. It's like doubting a part of your identity every other day.
Like fuck I'd love to someday get over this and feel good about myself at a healthy weight but I'm not ready for that yet, I'm quite not ready to erase that part of me so I'll continue to resent myself for feeling normal, yeee hawwww





[Rant/Rave] DAE try to trigger themselves into a previous fucked up time in their life where restriction was so easy?
/u/rotting_the_crown
Created: Thu Sep 6 12:38:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dlmbm/dae_try_to_trigger_themselves_into_a_previous/
---
Or is it just me 🙃


A long time ago in a city far away (hehe) I was super fucked up mentally. I’m moderately better (read: heavily medicated) now, but at the time, I was having an extreme mixed episode of mania and depression. I was out of mind. No meds would work, I was planning murder/suicide type of stuff, basically it was all bad.


BUT, the only good thing was that I was able to restrict so easily! I lost so much weight in such a short amount of time, and felt so wonderful and small (looking at pics, I could have lost another 10 lb at least 🙃).


But now, all I do is binge, binge, binge no matter what, got goodies on my mind I can never get enough! (🎤)


I’m trying to trigger myself back into that mind frame, which is horrible. All I can think of right now is playing the same music that I did back then, but it’s not helping. Sigh. Can anyone relate?


Sorry about the emojis 😂 if you can’t laugh then you cry 😕

[Rant/Rave] Friends with problems
/u/songfireleaf [5'8 | CW 159 | BMI 23.91 | GW 100| he/him]
Created: Thu Sep 6 12:26:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dli3c/friends_with_problems/
---
Just a bit of a... kinda happy but also awful thing? I think this counts as a rave. We're gonna go with that.

My best friend's sister (who is also a coworker of mine) has an eating disorder, and we've talked about our issues a little in the past. But today we're just texting back and forth about our issues and general ED problems, complaints, etc, and it feels so good.

Like, you can't just talk to a person without an ED about fasts or calorie obsession or binges or safe foods without feeling a little awkward, and they always get (validly) concerned. And personally, the concern just eggs on any issues I'm having, because I feel like I'm "not sick enough" for them to be concerned, so then I feel like I have to be "worse." It feels amazing to be able to just casually talk and complain with a friend about our food issues. Especially since my hardcore restricting urges (which calmed down a little in July) have decided to punch me in the face again. Eating disorders are so, so isolating and being able to relate to someone I know about this stuff is incredible.

It's awful that she's dealing with this too, and I desperately wish she didn't have these problems. But I can't make her magically recover, just like she can't make me. In the meantime, it's nice not to be so alone while struggling.

[Discussion] Watching choices
/u/gracgrac
Created: Thu Sep 6 12:25:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dlhpn/watching_choices/
---
When I'm restricting, I catch myself watching shows like Supersize vs Superskinny, Secret Eaters and such, but after binging I always feel like watching teen pregnancy related videos.

I think it's partially because I want to make myself feel better, as in"look it could be worse, at least you're not pregnant". Also, binges obviously make my belly big and bloated so if the 'thank god ur not pregnant' thing doesn't work, I start pretending I AM pregnant and can totally relate to teen moms. The only difference is that they deliver their babies within 9 months while my (food) baby arrives a day or two (depends if there's sauerkraut in the house or not) later.

How do your watching choices differ from restricting and binging or anything in between?

(P.S. I do not mean to disrespect or mock teen mothers with this, you guys are incredibly strong and brave. I can only wish to have the same traits as you.)

[Rant/Rave] My roommate keeps eating my food!!! Aaaaarghhhh
/u/kleinecapricorn
Created: Thu Sep 6 12:24:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dlh4d/my_roommate_keeps_eating_my_food_aaaaarghhhh/
---
The title says it all! I live with a girl who is 6 feet tall and runs at least an hour a day... so she eats like a monster. When we first moved in together, we agreed to split groceries. I have been regretting that decision for over a year now and I’m at my breaking point. You’d think having her eat all the food would be comforting bc it means I don’t have to. But instead, it means we’re splitting grocery bills and she eats three times as much as I do and I have no control over how much food I have to chose from or how long I can make it last.

I’m at my wits end!!! I used my therapist as an excuse to get her to buy her own groceries the past week, but seeing how much and how fast she eats is so triggering and infuriating. I guess I’m probably jealous.

What do I do? Does anyone have advice for successfully coexisting with a roommate like this? I swear to god she eats like 3000 calories a day and is underweight from running so much...
every time I look at her I’m pissed. :,( maybe I’m meant to be alone.

[Rant/Rave] This is the worst thought I have ever had
/u/ThrowPotential [5'6 | CW: 170lbs | BMI: 27 | -7lbs | F]
Created: Thu Sep 6 12:06:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dla9w/this_is_the_worst_thought_i_have_ever_had/
---
I teach in school, and have a class for the first time this year. There's one child who has a terrible home life and has 2 meals a day provided for her by the school. This means she probably hasn't eaten well or food of enough quality for her development over the summer break.

And yet, my stupid brain wants me to be as thin as she is. It's horrible. I'm an awful person. I can't believe my head has had this thought. Certifiable trash human and idk what to do with my brain.

Feeling like a complete impostor
/u/ladeda1312
Created: Thu Sep 6 11:40:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dl0fv/feeling_like_a_complete_impostor/
---
I feel like a complete impostor as of lately. I don't feel tiny at all even though people around me keep telling me so. I can still see all the fat on my body and just feel it weighing me down. I was called small by a friend because he thought I was making a negative comment about my body even though it wasn't about that. That took me by surprise because I don't see myself as small at all. My grandma told me that I look tiny like my mom, and while it made me super happy to hear, it still didn't register in my mind. What are all these people seeing?? I can still grab so much fat from my legs, belly, and arms. I still have about 15 pounds that I want to lose. I feel like I take up so much space and I just want to hide my body behind my clothes, so that no one can see what my form really looks like.

​

I went shopping for a new pair of work pants yesterday and I was really nervous. This was the first time I had been shopping in months, so I had do idea what my size would be. I went to different stores and tried on different pants....each store had me in a size 0. It made me kind of upset?? Like I shouldn't be fitting into that size based on how I look?? And then thinking about vanity sizing. And I wonder if other people look at me and think that I'm not actually that size or that I'm really not tiny at all. I feel stocky and pudgy. My measurements from the last time I took them are: 35-25-35, but then I wonder if I'm even measuring correctly or maybe my tape measure is off. I still want my waist to get down another 2-3 inches and I think that's completely possibly considering how much fat I can grab still. But then I'm worried that even if I get down to where I want to be....what if I still don't look small and dainty??

​

What are your experiences for not feeling like your size? How do you feel when other people perceive you as something different than how you perceive yourself?

[Other] I have bronchitis for the 3rd time this year
/u/raspberryfleur [5'4 | 102 | 17.5 | -75 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 6 11:28:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dkvvn/i_have_bronchitis_for_the_3rd_time_this_year/
---
I got it for 2 weeks in January.
2 weeks in March.
And now it’s September, and I’ve had this cough for a week. I hate bronchitis so much. I can’t sleep on my back, or else I get coughing spasms and stop breathing. It’s the worst.

First two times I got it, I was 115lb. Now I’m 105lb.

I wonder how long this thing will stay. After my work saw me have a coughing spasm, I got pressured to go to the doctors.

They gave me an inhaler and asked me “do you eat enough? We need to take your weight.” I think they low key want me to gain.

:/ yet I don’t want to gain. No advice please, I just need this off my conscience.

[Rant/Rave] I want this week to end and my self control to come back ugh
/u/twa1238 [F25| 158cm | CW 🐄 |]
Created: Thu Sep 6 11:23:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dku3a/i_want_this_week_to_end_and_my_self_control_to/
---
Warning this is just me rambling

I’ve been restricting for a while now,fasting on the weekends, I didn’t crave anything, I had energy, all was well. Monday I felt like binging, but I didn’t. Ate 900 cal though (usually around 600?), then Tuesday I fucking ate 1000 because I thought it might prevent binging and I really really wanted to binge that day. Felt happy and full after that and thought I‘d forgive myself and just restrict/fast the next days. Wednesday my friends made me eat a dish while staring at me and when I got home I was so angry and frustrated that I just continued to eat. 1100 calories. I drowned a pack of lax,was too late anyway but at least I didn’t feel it inside me anymore and thought that was a great start to fast again. While I’m siting there crying because it hurts so bad MY FUCKING BODY GETS HUNGRY AGAIN????? WTF???So I manage to ignore it because the pain is real bad and go to bed. Wake up at night, lax still kicking in. Morning still terrible.
My body still demands food. Ate 1450 calories. 1.4.5.0. all in chocolate and fries. Didn’t do anything else. Just ate and felt miserable and ate more. I have my whole kitchen packed with snacks and food because usually I’m really good when I’m restricting and now I can’t stop about anything else.

I Don’t have any laxatives at home anymore which sucks but maybe that’s good for my stomach...look at me trying to be positive.

I always measure myself on fridays so I’m pretty afraid of tomorrow. I lost weight this week though wich angers me even more because I’m so close to my goal and I fuck it up every time. Every time I’m close I start to binge again.

I feel like I gained at least a kilo today fuck my life




[Other] Binge + awkward compliment = me
/u/ISetMyGnomesOnFire
Created: Thu Sep 6 11:03:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dkmxw/binge_awkward_compliment_me/
---
So i had a total of 4 slices of pizza + 1 pizza induced panic attack last night.

Woke up this morning feeling disgusting but of course THATS when my mom says "your so skinny skinny".

​

She has NEVER complimented my weight. Shes only ever made fun of me for being overweight...since i was 6.

im not sure why i feel off about everything :)



[Rant/Rave] Moving out
/u/gierschotel [Height: 172 | CW: 67 | BMI: 22.5 | GW: 57 | ]
Created: Thu Sep 6 11:01:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dklsd/moving_out/
---
I recently moved out and I now live in a house with 4 others. I feel too depressed to properly cook or even talk to them while I'm cooking. Every time I get home I just get a sense of purposelessness and I don't want to do anything. I'm afraid they will notice my eating habits, and I think it's really getting in the way of my recovery. Having the ability to control all the food that enters my body is not giving me freedom it's trapping me.
Sorry for this rant I just needed to vent it somewhere and you are the only ones who would understand <3

my boyfriend supports my ED
/u/thindreaming [5'9 | 158.6lb | 25f]
Created: Thu Sep 6 10:57:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dkka3/my_boyfriend_supports_my_ed/
---
When we first started dating, I told my bf that I had struggled with bulimia in the past and had some serious body image issues. He was supportive at first about helping me avoid purging, but then it kind of... changed?

We've been dating for a year and a bit now and sometimes after a big meal I'll say that I feel sick and he'll suggest throwing up cause it will make me feel better. Or when I downloaded the Zero app I'll talk to him about fasts that I want to do and he'll suggest going on longer ones, even joining in on them with me.

Now he definitely doesn't have an ED but he wants to lose 5-10 lbs, so I think he may be encouraging this behavior to be supportive and not in a malicious way at all. But I think I weirdly like it - today I said I wasn't going to eat until I had accomplished X and Y tasks, and he replied "sounds perfect!" and said I had been looking skinnier lately.

Idk I've never been able to restrict/fast, I just b/p and work out like crazy but I think having this support may be what I need to finally get some control on my eating.



Side note: I haven't purged in 11 days and I've lost 5lbs even though I've been eating way more than I should sooo I'm hoping to finally get off the b/p train and get on the restricting wagon!!!

Stomach issues post recovery
/u/HellloHannah
Created: Thu Sep 6 10:52:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dkis7/stomach_issues_post_recovery/
---
They don't tell you, or at least I was never told, that I would likely deal with stomach issues for a long time after I recovered from anorexia. It's been about 3 years since I "got better" and by that i mean stoped restricting, but I've only just started to link my intestinal problems with my ED. I never had intestinal issues before I was anorexic. I ate whatever and didn't have any problems. Now, I can't eat cabbage, garlic, onions, I'm sure some other things. But I didn't really put two and two together until recently. In doing some research, it seems it might be a fructose malabsorption. Since cutting out foods high in fructose, I have not had any stomach issues. It's been 3 days. I'm really hoping this trend continues because my stomach problems have been keeping me from living a happy life, not feeling good, not able to work out regularly, etc. Anyone else have intestinal problems after they recovered? If so, what were your symptoms and what foods did you notice you could not tolerate?

[Help] Should I get the pound cake?
/u/citrus_juuiice
Created: Thu Sep 6 10:50:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dkhzz/should_i_get_the_pound_cake/
---
I’ve been craving Starbucks lemon pound cake. It’s 400 calories and I’m already at 250 for the day. My fear is that I’ll end up bingeing in it the longer I gonwith out it. But I want to stay strong and functio only off breakfast.

[Help] What do I do?
/u/nihilistatari [5'2 | Too much | 21 | Not enough | Male]
Created: Thu Sep 6 10:40:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dke7k/what_do_i_do/
---
I’ve been binging everyday for a little over a month. I will be able to get through with no breakfast, but then I have to go to hell on earth priso- I mean high school, and my complete and utter hatred of this horrible place just inspires me to stop caring about not eating, so I binge at lunch. However, sometimes I can get through both! HOWEVER AGAIN, I DO THAY, THEN I GO HOME AND EAT 2k CALORIES IN ONE SITTING EITHERWAY.

I’m serious. I am so damn unhappy at my current weight and I just need to get back into restricting. Please help me. I need serious advice.

I've stopped weighing myself.
/u/Flesh-And-Bone [Too Short | Too Fat | Too Old | Duderino]
Created: Thu Sep 6 10:39:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dkdyd/ive_stopped_weighing_myself/
---
I can't deal with the emotional roller coaster that is stepping on the scale in the morning. I cannot keep living a life where my entire day is informed by the number that comes up on the scale. I can't do it anymore, and so I've stopped.

[Rant/Rave] I can't see a future without my ed
/u/wannathrowyouaway
Created: Thu Sep 6 10:37:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dkdfj/i_cant_see_a_future_without_my_ed/
---
I know the title sounds so bad. I should want to recover, right? But I don't. I honestly see myself living a life that accommodates my eating disorder, if that makes sense.

I'm going to live alone. A clean and neat apartment. I'll obsessively clean every day. No food in the pastries. Maybe some veggies and fruit in the fridge, and obviously diet coke, but nothing more. I won't have any temptation around. Breakfast will be black coffee, lunch maybe sushi but not enough to go over 800 calories, dinner it's black coffee again. I can always have diet coke if I get hungry. And I'll have a personal "gym" with a yoga mat, dumbells, a kettlebell and maybe some cardio machine if I can afford it. I'll work a job that I like and that keeps me away from food, but gives me enough free time to exercise. I won't spend unnecessary money on food, because the only meal I'll eat is lunch. And nobody can stop me.

This is my dream life. I know it's fucked up. But maybe I won't feel so damn empty without him, if I have this life that I imagine? Because I'll have something else to put all my energy into, that I won't even think about him.

[Rant/Rave] ate a normal meal but my brain’s convinced it was a binge
/u/choustrings [5’10 | cw: 155 | 22.2 | -30 | f]
Created: Thu Sep 6 10:31:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dkb3j/ate_a_normal_meal_but_my_brains_convinced_it_was/
---
i cooked dinner for my boyfriend and our friend and initially had plans not to eat but took a xanax and decided to let go. realistically, it was a normal meal. a bit of pasta and chicken. some wine, a couple of cookies for dessert. i feel like shit now and don’t even want to calculate calories. on top of this i had the worst dreams of my life including my abusive ex, my deceased alcoholic father, my boyfriends ex gf who plagued my every day thoughts. i woke up panicking and crying multiple times and now i don’t want to eat ever again even though that feels like it won’t repair the damage done.

this is truly the worst i’ve felt in a long while

Has anyone ever just snacked on salsa?
/u/chrysanthemym [she/her // queer // fuckin' pear shaped]
Created: Thu Sep 6 10:21:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dk7ok/has_anyone_ever_just_snacked_on_salsa/
---
I know that's kind of a weird and random question, but, it's low calorie and tasty, so, i'm curious. Anyone?

[Help] Been overeating for two weeks help me stop please. How to start restricting?
/u/im_an_actual_hippie [5'1 | 123 lbs | 23 .2 | 17 lbs | Female]
Created: Thu Sep 6 10:15:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dk5pq/been_overeating_for_two_weeks_help_me_stop_please/
---


Just a reminder to take calcium!
/u/SkinnyisSexy [5'7.6 |128.4|gw115|19.6| F]
Created: Thu Sep 6 10:09:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dk3st/just_a_reminder_to_take_calcium/
---
Osteoporosis is real guys (especially if you take certain alternate birth controls like me) Anyone know low cal foods that have calcium? I have suppliments too but I don't always remember to take them.

[Discussion] favorite fall coffee/other drink order?
/u/3ghostly [5’3 | CW: 118 | GW: 110 ]
Created: Thu Sep 6 10:02:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dk19w/favorite_fall_coffeeother_drink_order/
---
i was wondering what everyone’s favorite drinks are this time of year!

i personally love dirty chai lattes. got ofc because i’m cold all the time. they’re the perfect mix of espresso (blonde for me, because i’m a weenie) and the spiciness of the chai. its hard to make them low cal because i NEED the milk in it. that’s what makes it so delicious, u know?

i absolutely adore fall and i’m SO excited that it’s coming around. granted, it’s still getting to be 90 degrees where i live, but STILL.

off note: i wish there was a drive through soup place. i want to drink my soup out of a to-go cup. soup would definitely be my favorite fall drink if that was an actual thing where i am.

when you love skin care but have an ED at the same time
/u/cursedconcubine
Created: Thu Sep 6 09:00:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9djfyg/when_you_love_skin_care_but_have_an_ed_at_the/
---
https://i.redd.it/mrew92szqmk11.jpg

[Help] Resist snacking?
/u/Hellah8ed [5'11 | 17.7| 127lbs | M]
Created: Thu Sep 6 08:56:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9djeuq/resist_snacking/
---
How do you guys resist snacking? About 2 years ago I was thin and once I got in a relationship, I started eating and snacking a lot with my SO and got chubby. Now I'm single again but the eating habits won't go away. Every time I think of crispy chips and pizza and soda, I try to have a cigarette instead or get on the weight and remind myself of how fat I am, but it has the opposite effect and I start to pity eat instead.. it gets worse in the evening because I play computer games as a hobby and I automatically start snacking at that point... so any tips on how to resist eating when I'm bored/depressed or just hungry? :<

[Help] In horrendous pain what do I do
/u/SoylentGAhhItsPpl [🖤5'2" CW:106 BMI:19.5 UGW:99🖤]
Created: Thu Sep 6 08:53:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9djdrd/in_horrendous_pain_what_do_i_do/
---
Hoh boy so I discovered sugar free butter candy. I have also discovered it does NOT go well with chugging diet coke. My stomach really hurts, it honestly reminds me of when I had kidney stones it hurts so bad. Also my throat feels like it's burning and I don't know wtf is going on. Literally lying in bed and howling in pain

&#x200B;

&#x200B;

Anyone else been here??? What can I do (if anything) to alleviate the pain? Should I try purging or drinking water or should it get better soon? Hope this doesn't break any rules :(

Would Anyone Be Interested?
/u/MarieAmber
Created: Thu Sep 6 08:46:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9djbap/would_anyone_be_interested/
---
I’m thinking about making a discord server for us. I know about Peach, but it doesn’t feel like enough. It doesn’t feel like I’m able to connect with anyone. Maybe because discord feels more accessible to me than Peach. So if you’re content with Peach then forget it. I’m fine with that, but I’m planning on making a discord server with different chats for difference reasons like a venting corner, memes, general, and any other that people may suggest. And of course corners for those with the different types of disorders. If no one’s interested that’s fine. I’ll just delete this, but if so then leave a comment or pm me. If enough people are interested then I will make it.

[Discussion] DAE experience a sudden decrease in caffeine tolerance?
/u/eloana12
Created: Thu Sep 6 08:30:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dj5x4/dae_experience_a_sudden_decrease_in_caffeine/
---
The first thing that goes down my throat every morning (that isn’t water) is coffee. During lunch I’ll usually grab another. Today, whilst working, about half an hour after my coffee lunch, I felt the caffeine kick me way too hard. Had trouble concentrating, was really fidgety, basically felt like I drank too much coffee even tho it was the same amount as always. I did go over my calories the day before and the day before that, so today I was fasting to counteract that. But this has never happened before despite fasting while drinking that bitter bean from the gods.

Plateauing
/u/xoidontgiveashit
Created: Thu Sep 6 08:29:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dj5im/plateauing/
---
I've had a plateau of about 49kg for almost two weeks now, despite being on the 2468 diet (the 8 boosting metabolism while 2 obv restricts you know the story) for 10 days now. I thought it could be water weight so I did literally everything Google said to get back on track if it was that, but nope. It's super depressing because I'm super close to my current goal weight (45). The only thing I hadn't tried yet was upping my calorie intake to my TDEE then going back to restricting. I don't think I'd reach my TDEE easily since I have a naturally low appetite and not even my binges exceed 1,000cal. I'm just going for an intake of 1,000 today, but I'm seriously worried it's just gonna let me gain. If this doesn't work I'm going back to fasting, since that usually worked even (though it usually led to binging...)

[Tip] PSA these Walmart mushrooms are 25 cals and 3g protein for a whole little can! 😍
/u/PsychadelicSpaceCat [65"| 122lb | BMI 20 | GW1: 119lb | 24F]
Created: Thu Sep 6 08:21:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dj2se/psa_these_walmart_mushrooms_are_25_cals_and_3g/
---
https://i.redd.it/w23h0q9snmk11.jpg

[Discussion] Dae lose weight in a series of plateaus and wooshes?
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2 | 149 | Aiming for 146 by 9/25 | -12| f21]
Created: Thu Sep 6 08:18:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dj1oa/dae_lose_weight_in_a_series_of_plateaus_and/
---
I'm starting to learn that I tend to hang around one number for 5-10 days then suddenly drop a pound or three over a couple days, Then repeat. It's very inconsistent but I end up losing the same or more than I'm supposed to all together.

Which you'd think at this point I'd realise that I don't make much progress day to day so I need to stop weighing everyday and getting frustrated over the same thing that's happened 4 times before haha.

Just ran my hand through my hair and a bunch of hair came out
/u/starvy_punk
Created: Thu Sep 6 08:09:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9diy6x/just_ran_my_hand_through_my_hair_and_a_bunch_of/
---
Comung out of work, and on...well tbh a pretty long restriction run. Ive lost track. I ran my hand through my hair when i got out and a clump of hair came with. Idk what to think. Kinda nervous. Kinda just bummed knowing im orobabky just doing this to myself and its not just a product of my haircare routine. 😔

[Rant/Rave] Today’s been great but really bad in terms of ED shit
/u/blmatsuu [5'2 | 100 | 18.3 | -51 | FTM]
Created: Thu Sep 6 08:00:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9div0t/todays_been_great_but_really_bad_in_terms_of_ed/
---
I hit 99lbs this morning!!!! That’s been a goal for ages, but then I had therapy and holy shit my therapist wasn’t happy when she weighed me, apparently because I keep losing weight she said I need to eat more and have ‘some mashed potatoes with butter and a milkshake’ like how the fuck are two massive fear foods gonna cure my ED? To be fair after that she said it’d be fine if I just had more of my safe foods but fuckkkk. Also she told my parents to sneak butter into my food so looks like I’m never trusting them make me anything again :’)

Plus on the way back my parents got fucking McDonald’s and I had to get something so I had a plain grilled chicken wrap (‘healthiest’ thing on the menu’) and haha I want to die, I feel like I’ve just fucked all my progress up and now I’m going to have to waterload and start trying to cheat the scales because I need to keep losing weight, I’m just in the double digits now and I need to keep going ://

[Help] Mom hid my scale.
/u/Heartfeltregret [5’4| CW:104| BMI:17.85| SW:121 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 6 07:52:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9disel/mom_hid_my_scale/
---
Or got rid of it. She knows I have “weird food habits” and “body image issues” but isn’t aware of the full extent. I think she’s been getting more and concerned about me as I’ve dropped pounds. I was going to weigh myself yesterday morning but low and behold it was gone. I know that it’s probably for the best and I should be grateful she’s saving me from myself... but tbh now I’m just going to buy a new one in secret and hide it in my room.

[Rant/Rave] Mom found trash from binge food
/u/narkisseh
Created: Thu Sep 6 07:50:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dirto/mom_found_trash_from_binge_food/
---
My mom found two bags full of empty binge food wrappers/containers/etc in my closet and she just yelled at me why I had all that trash and why I didn‘t throw it away and shit like that and I didn‘t really answer bc honestly what was I supposed to say. I just feel so weird rn because my family doesnt‘t even suspect that my eating is disordered I think and now she found all that garbage and of course told my sister and dad like???? Fuckkk

Hahahaha! I should be a beautiful instagram model. Thinspo or what?
/u/cherryxnut
Created: Thu Sep 6 07:35:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dimze/hahahaha_i_should_be_a_beautiful_instagram_model/
---
https://i.imgur.com/eH75WuW.jpg

[Rant/Rave] [Rant/Rave] Went to buy some soy sauce today and I am confused
/u/LateAsparagus [24F | BMI 24.5 -> 20.3 -> 22.7 | queen of weight fluctuation]
Created: Thu Sep 6 07:21:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9diig3/rantrave_went_to_buy_some_soy_sauce_today_and_i/
---
Man. What the hell. Went trough all the bottles the store had, and they were all similar stuff in similar bottles, but some were 24 calories per 100ml, some 77, and the highest I saw was 117. There was nothing to mark that they were any different from one another, none of them was labeled to be "low" in anything or "free" from anything, and (apart from maybe the preservatives, I wasn't about to start comparing all the different e-codes) they all had the same ingredients.


Anyway, let this be example #/3747 why you should always read the label.

[Rant/Rave] My brain says yes by my body says no
/u/comrade_toastboy [65" | CW 119| GW 115 | UGW 110 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 6 07:21:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9diidk/my_brain_says_yes_by_my_body_says_no/
---
I wanna lose weight, but my body doesn’t. I’ve stalled at 119 and it sucks cuz i need to lose 14 pounds in like 2 months. Why body, why must you spite me. Just let me get to my goal weight.

[Tip] Sources for progress pictures
/u/smallest_madeline [F 5'1" | CW 96.8 | HW 125 | LW 80| GW 70 🍑 smallest_madeline]
Created: Thu Sep 6 07:19:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dihl8/sources_for_progress_pictures/
---
I love seeing progress pictures and before/after pictures of weight loss. I scour the subreddit called progress pics but most of those people’s after pics are bigger than I’ve ever been. It’s hard to find good ones on Instagram too because most of those show thicc people. I just want to be triggered! Lol! What do you guys search or how do you find good progress pictures? Especially people going from normal weights to underweight (or close to it)?

Starting Over
/u/Renegade_always_was [5'6 | cw 129 | gw 115 | 20.8 | 31 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 6 07:11:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9diexk/starting_over/
---
My personal life got really happy really fast; i have an amazing girlfriend who means the world from me and im about to graduate college. But i have found that i do this thing where when i get into a new relationship i put on weight, even if it is only 5 pounds, and then when i notice it i break down, thats where i am now. My girlfriend is tiny with a crazy fast metabolism and just looks amazing and i feel inferior, im neraly 35 pounds more than her and it makes me so self concious, so i guess im back on my old shit.

Holy shit I forgot about fasting euphoria
/u/gigi-has-issues [5'9" | CW Fat | GW 115 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 6 06:58:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9diafx/holy_shit_i_forgot_about_fasting_euphoria/
---
On only day 3 of fast. Smile plastered on my face. I forgot about the fasting high (at least, I forgot how great it was). Basically I feel like when you have two glasses of wine at a dinner with really good girlfriends and laugh all night. Why don't I do this more often?!

[Rant/Rave] Ive been hanging out with a guy that hardly ever eats and its been awesome
/u/crazylama13 [5'2 | CW:103 | BMI: 18.8 | GW:100]
Created: Thu Sep 6 06:56:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9di9o3/ive_been_hanging_out_with_a_guy_that_hardly_ever/
---
I met a really nice, interesting guy last week and we have been spending a lot of time together for the past few days. We have just been going on really long walks to places because it's my favorite thing to do and he never asks about food. Like on one of our walks the entire day I only saw him eat half a piece of cheese bread and throw it away. It's gotten to the point that I have been favoring plans with him over my friends because my friends always want to eat out. Im not sure if he has an Ed but I really don't think so. Maybe he's just one of those lucky people who forgets to eat.

[Help] How to explain things to my overweight friends
/u/facesonplaces
Created: Thu Sep 6 06:53:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9di8q3/how_to_explain_things_to_my_overweight_friends/
---
I’m trying to explain that just because I think I’m fat doesn’t mean I think they’re fat. I try not to put myself down in front of them and I try to keep my body hatred to myself. But they know I have an ED and think I’m fat. One of my friends in particular got really offended when I told her I hated my body. How do I explain to them that I have severe dysmorphia and I don’t see everyone’s body the way I see my own? I couldn’t care less what my friends look like and I would never body shame anyone that isn’t me. Help?

[Rant/Rave] How to deal with HANGER
/u/gauntlyghost [1.68cm | CW :cake: | BMI 19something | F]
Created: Thu Sep 6 06:49:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9di7ey/how_to_deal_with_hanger/
---
I've been fasting since about 19:30 last night and I'm doing OMAD for dinner.

This is the longest I've fasted (I know it's not very long, it's been 19 hours).

How do you not get HANGRY? I'm not too bothered about food and I'm not thinking about food. My thoughts about food are replaced by thoughts about violent murders (please don't report me, I'm not crazy) - Well maybe a little but I won't murder anyone.

So basically if anyone has any wisdom on how to deal with HANGER that would be so great.

Is anyone here willing to send meanspo
/u/sabeneanie
Created: Thu Sep 6 06:27:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9di0rg/is_anyone_here_willing_to_send_meanspo/
---
I'm jumping back into my usual restriction, but I keep allowing recovery thoughts to slip in. Can some of you here with low or underweight BMIs tear me apart as a person (and my physique) so that I can cut that shit and actually reach my goals? You'd think my self loathing would do the trick but my fat ass seems to like indulging more lately...

[Other] Tumblr
/u/throwaway4638294y
Created: Thu Sep 6 06:18:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dhy3g/tumblr/
---
Posting from a throwaway cos I'm deffinitely being watched. But I've just joined Tumblr (cos I'm definitely being watched) and wanted to know who of y'all are on cos I'd really like some Tumblr friends hahaha

[Tip] New pro-recovery server!
/u/Lunnaris [5’ | CW: 110’2 | UGW: 99’2 | 25F]
Created: Thu Sep 6 06:12:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dhwch/new_prorecovery_server/
---
Hello there! A friend made this brand new server that’s all about pro-recovery. You don’t have to be in recovery to join, what matters is your attitude, and maybe it helps!
Give it a try, you’ll feel loved and supported here :)

https://discord.gg/2aTAUnF

[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support September 06, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Sep 6 06:11:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dhw0c/weekly_emotional_support_september_06_2018/
---
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**

*****

Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)


[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! September 06, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Sep 6 06:10:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dhvng/daily_food_diary_september_06_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for September 06, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)


[Rant/Rave] When you f’ed your joints working out to hard and have to quit doing high intensity
/u/gkelleyr
Created: Thu Sep 6 05:23:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dhium/when_you_fed_your_joints_working_out_to_hard_and/
---
https://i.redd.it/dbakd14xrlk11.jpg

FREE Pint of Halo Top® Pumpkin Pie (or any flavor) - Print Coupon 9/22 at 12:01 a.m. EDT while supplies last, redeem 9/22 only
/u/operadiva31 [5'6" | CW 212.4 lbs | 34.42 | -25.2 lbs | UGW 131 lbs]
Created: Thu Sep 6 04:51:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dhaqr/free_pint_of_halo_top_pumpkin_pie_or_any_flavor/
---
https://halotop.com/new

[Rant/Rave] I just wanna be normal for once
/u/The_Immortal_Unicorn [167cm | cw: 62kg | gw: 52kg | 17f]
Created: Thu Sep 6 04:29:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dh5ey/i_just_wanna_be_normal_for_once/
---
I haven't been eating much the past few days, and even though I'm proud of it, it's horrible. I'm super tired, my stomach is killing me, I have no energy in my body whatsoever, I'm extremely dizzy all the time and right now I can't even get up from the kitchen floor because I'm scared I'll pass out. All these problems and yet, I still don't wanna eat. It's not like I'm deliberately not eating to lose weight, I'm actually scared of losing so much I also lose my boobs (aka the only thing I actually like about my body) I know I have to eat something, but I'm not even hungry anymore. Nothing seems appetizing anymore, nothing seems worth the calories. And yeah, I know I have to eat much more than 800 cals to stay at this weight, but then I also wanna lose my stomach and be in control of the number of calories I eat everyday. It feels like a failure when I eat enough, it feels like an accomplishment when I eat as little as possible. I have no idea why I'm like this. I'm a mess. I wanna eat, but I can't. I tried. I really did, but after two tiny bites I threw my bread away because I didn't want anymore food. I don't wanna be like this anymore but I don't know how. I just wanna be normal and like my body and don't have a fucked up relation with food...

[Tip] Just found my new favorite meal/drink ever
/u/BlondeActually [Height 5’4 | CW 94| BMI 16.1| HW 120| LW 89| GW 88 | F]
Created: Thu Sep 6 04:08:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dh08x/just_found_my_new_favorite_mealdrink_ever/
---
Guys why has nobody told me about this before - ayran! It’s like a drinking yogurt but super salty (great for electrolytes and kills cravings like a motherfucker). The best part is 14 calories per 100ml!! It’s 30 calories a bottle. And it keeps me full and it’s just sooooo good. I’ve found it while on vacation in Azerbaijan so I’m hoping it’s not only a regional thing because if I can’t have it again I might cry.

I got this brand [ayran](https://imgur.com/gallery/f1l7KUh) if anyone is interested. I’m going to scout all the supermarkets around my house till I find more!

[Discussion] favorite low-cal Dutch Bros orders?
/u/luckyskunk
Created: Thu Sep 6 03:21:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dgp7u/favorite_lowcal_dutch_bros_orders/
---
i live on the west coast and while i like Starbucks, Dutch is usually my go-to. ive found tons of yummy low cal starbucks orders but i can never really translate them into a dutch bros drinks & i haven't found many lowcal dutch options that aren't, like, basic boring drinks 😔 any help would be hella appreciated!

I think if I was more patient, i wouldn't starve myself so much
/u/gorgingpuddle
Created: Thu Sep 6 02:20:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dgc0i/i_think_if_i_was_more_patient_i_wouldnt_starve/
---
I always bounce around with weights every 3 or so years, usually underweight , sometimes slim, and now I'm just a chunky fuck. I have EDS, so I have stretch marks everywhere, and ugh. I just want them to go away.


I've been restricting for a couple weeks now, and I wish it would happen faster. I measure myself, and don't weigh myself...even though I'm eating LITERALLY NOTHING, and then eating ~800 calories...I'm losing like, half an inch a week, combined, across my whole body. I'm getting very frustrated tbh. One of those instances where it sucks being tall.

[Rant/Rave] How to stop twisting EVERYTHING ?
/u/BowlWithLegs
Created: Thu Sep 6 02:15:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dgaxh/how_to_stop_twisting_everything/
---
So I'm *trying* to recover but I've realised my biggest set back is that I COMPLETELY twist everyone's postive/helpful/encouraging comments.

I'm literally laying in bed having a big ol' cry because my partner told me he'd put my dinner in the fridge because I said I'm not sure if I'm hungry. I've convinced myself he's putting it in the fridge because I don't deserve dinner. But I know that's not true, but then again I'm sure that's what his intensions are ?!

Heeeeeelp




[Rant/Rave] I am so upset right now
/u/remmyowlbean
Created: Thu Sep 6 02:03:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dg8a3/i_am_so_upset_right_now/
---
My husband started only drinking zero calorie energy drinks last week and has lost 10 pounds already. I am proud of him for losing some weight but also, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!?

10 pounds! In one week! Just by drinking zero calorie energy drinks instead of his normal ones. Do you know the last time I had a calorie drink???

[Discussion] DAE rotate between eating disorders?
/u/undertheweather123
Created: Thu Sep 6 01:04:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dfubx/dae_rotate_between_eating_disorders/
---
I was thinking about this tonight after a particularly bad b/p session, and found it kinda weird how my mindset can “switch” so often.

When I was younger, I would binge intentionally to make myself uglier (long, complicated, & traumatic reasoning behind this), but once I got to fifth grade I began purging along with binging. I was primarily bulimic until 9th grade where, even though I pretty much stopped binging, I kept purging almost everything I ate while restricting my calories.

Over time the restriction just got heavier and heavier until around eleventh grade when I slipped back into binging and purging along with chewing and spitting. That went on through the beginning of my senior year, but around halfway through I fell back into restriction again.

After graduating, I became very depressed/anxious/stressed and honestly stopped caring. I went back into binging, with just the occasional purge. Now, after gaining weight from binging, I’m going back and forth between light and heavy restriction, fasting, & binging and purging.

So, I was just curious as to other people’s experience with going between different EDs, or if you’ve always just stuck to (for lack of a better term) one?




[Help] Is it even an ED if I don’t feel any guilt towards food?
/u/lupoverde
Created: Thu Sep 6 00:51:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dfqzw/is_it_even_an_ed_if_i_dont_feel_any_guilt_towards/
---
Basically the title. I restrict every day so I’m ALWAYS below 1200 (I try to aim for below 1000). I used to calorie count but I got lazy and now I just basically skip meals and go a longer time without eating. Yesterday I stopped eating at 2:30pm and the day before I only ate a few bites. If I count up what I ate yesterday I guess it’ll be around 700-800 cals.
But anyway. What’s weird is that I do this kind of effortlessly and don’t even have food guilt. And basically I eat in public/in front of people but I rarely eat by myself, like I never actually make a meal for myself ever unless I’m at a friends house. And yeah when I do eat I kinda shrug it off like “well you probably won’t eat much tomorrow so it’s okay”. But it’s weird like, how is it possible to eat little and kind of be okay with it?? Like I’m hungry yeah but ??? And when I do eat I have NO guilt at all??? I also often eat sweet things like cake or muffin but I always make sure that by the end of the day I’ve eaten less than 1200.
Maybe it’s because I high calorie restrict? I’ve lost like 9lbs in 5 weeks or something so I’m definitely losing weight

[Rant/Rave] Is anyone else tired of the "lol can't you just eat a small piece of x food/eat healthy instead of binging" bullshit?
/u/churromatsuisbae
Created: Thu Sep 6 00:48:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dfqcy/is_anyone_else_tired_of_the_lol_cant_you_just_eat/
---
I'm so done with thissss.

Like, if I could eat small portions instead of ending up consuming 3000+ calories on a binge *of course I would* but it's not that easy. Do they really think we haven't thought that before? I'm just so mad rn.

Is anyone else dealing with this shit?

[Discussion] DAE bruise like a peach when restricting?
/u/transedthrowaway
Created: Thu Sep 6 00:18:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dfj2f/dae_bruise_like_a_peach_when_restricting/
---
Pretty much what it says on the label.

I normally don't bruise easily, but when I first started restricting last year bruises started popping up everywhere on my body. Then it stopped when I was in "recovery" for like 6 months. And now that I'm restricting again, I've got small bruises all over just like last time.

Is this common with restriction, or is my body just weird? (Which tbh it very well could be. I've got both fibromyalgia and PCOS, buuuut afaik bruising isn't something those conditions are well known for.)

Battle of the horrible coping mechanisms
/u/asiaticlily
Created: Wed Sep 5 23:52:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dfcwi/battle_of_the_horrible_coping_mechanisms/
---
literally fml. I count cals like a psycho, while also trying to starve myself. Sober me used to be able to restrict to >1000 a day for months on end. Now that fatass/drunk me is back in action, I can’t even restrict because I’m drinking and eating so much. Literally would like if someone would sew my mouth shut :)))

Purging is starting to become excessive
/u/daintynfainty [5'4 | cw: 117 | bmi: not ok | gw: 92 | 21F]
Created: Wed Sep 5 23:15:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9df3l6/purging_is_starting_to_become_excessive/
---
During the early stages of my BED I would only purge after a big binge. Recently, however, (i'd say the entire past week) I have been purging after every meal, up to 4-5 times a day. I freak out imagining the food in my stomach and it's so relieving to rid myself of it. I think this is mostly because I don't want my ED to be obvious, so I eat normal meals/bigger portions when I am around my bf/friends which I justify because I tell myself I can just purge after.

&#x200B;

Anyone have advice on how to cut down the purge urge?

&#x200B;

All my best, always.

Lost weight and got uglier.
/u/xStingx
Created: Wed Sep 5 23:06:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9df18c/lost_weight_and_got_uglier/
---
I thought losing weight would make me happier and make me feel more confident in myself. I've suffered from low self esteem since I was so young. I'm talking kindergarten. I have vivid memories of me not liking who I am. I was also bullied a lot because of my LOOKS. I'm 25 now and seeing myself makes me really depressed. Last year I had so much anxiety that I didn't leave my apartment except for work because I was scared of people seeing me. Now I know what some of you are thinking. ''I'm sure you're not ugly.'' sigh. I've lost a lot of weight this year and although I do like that my body is coming together slowly but surely, I'm still at war with my face. It sucks and it makes me even more depressed and anxious because I feel like no one will ever love me. I've lost all hope at this point. For the most part, I try to put it behind me and just accept myself but it's hard. Especially with an eating disorder and I'm quite sure I have body dysmorphia. I've been to counseling but nothing has changed. I just want to be okay with who I am. Just okay. But it's impossible.

[Other] Other tracking apps?
/u/ketokitty13
Created: Wed Sep 5 23:04:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9df0nk/other_tracking_apps/
---
I use MyFitnessPal, but I’ve heard of others using tracking apps that aren’t MyFitnessPal. If you do, which one and why? Maybe I’ll change what I use!

[Discussion] Gum and Binging? Any Correlation?
/u/kingarthersixties [166cm | CW: 130lbs| GW: 126lbs]
Created: Wed Sep 5 22:58:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dez5z/gum_and_binging_any_correlation/
---
I've notice when I'm in my binging phase I chew a lot of gum. Do I chew a lot of gum because I'm in a binging phase, or does chewing a lot of gum lead me to binges?

I've deadass chewed like 10 pieces of gum in the last 2 hours idk what's happening. Any ideas? Or actual knowledge about this Lol.

I can kind of tell, "Oh no, I'm probably going to go through a binge later," based on if I chew a lot of gum earlier that day. I was just curious.

[Rant/Rave] I just started using Carrot
/u/staticphat [Height: 5'3 | CW: Rice Paddle | GW: Chopstick]
Created: Wed Sep 5 22:53:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dey0r/i_just_started_using_carrot/
---
I had a bad binge yesterday and started using Carrot today to record my calories. I ate over maintenance by 600 cals bc I went out with some friends. At least I didn’t binge and even though I feel fat tomorrow is a new day and I can electrocute my avatar and hate myself.

[Rant/Rave] Sick of hiding
/u/remiisme
Created: Wed Sep 5 22:41:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dev17/sick_of_hiding/
---
I’m so sick of trying to hide my disordered behaviour from everyone! Just let me fucking suffer in peace, don’t judge me, yes my sense of humour is EDmemes just laugh along STOP GETTING MAD seriously one of my best friends and only Ana Buddy killed herself last month and now I have no one to talk to just LET ME LIVE

(/end drunk rant sorry everyone)

[Goal] i’ve lost 5 pounds in the past week
/u/pringlesbutthole [6’|F|CW:114.1|BMI:14.88|20]
Created: Wed Sep 5 22:39:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9deuj3/ive_lost_5_pounds_in_the_past_week/
---
and now it’s only 1.6 pounds to go until my UGW ??

all I did was started intermittent fasting 22/2, OMAD and restricting at 500~ calories a day. I started on Sunday, it’s Wednesday. I’m fucking SHOOK. I’m only 1.2 pounds more than my LW?!?!

I’m fucking THRILLED

[Rant/Rave] What the fuck is wrong with me
/u/IsAFailure [~5'6 | Last known weight: 110~]
Created: Wed Sep 5 22:36:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9detsr/what_the_fuck_is_wrong_with_me/
---
Wanted to have fun with my best friend so I came out and smoked with him. We ran in Walmart and I bought a whole baguette. (1,440 cal) Ate half of the baguette in his car.

I went to his work with him and am hanging around because he’s working the night shift. Ate the rest of the baguette with packets of grape jelly and a big chunk of it with fucking ketchup. Gonna try to fast again tomorrow because I deserve it.

I feel guilty because I'm on my college's meal plan.
/u/cortizonegnome [5'3" | CW: 108 | GW 94 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 5 22:27:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9derix/i_feel_guilty_because_im_on_my_colleges_meal_plan/
---
My dad is super cheap but since he grew up without food or access to education higher than the elementary level he's always said not to skimp on food or schooling. So as a result he paid for me to stay on my university's meal plan. I feel so guilty:/ Oftentimes I don't use up my meal swipes by the end of the week and I'm definitely not eating enough to make up for the price. I keep telling him I want to just cook for myself but he's always worried for my nutrition and he thinks the only reason is that I don't want him to spend money (while this is true it's only like half the reason why) so he won't take me off of it. I feel guilted into eating even though he's miles and miles away. I'm not even trying to restrict rn tbh b/c I've been on the road to #recovery and eating like a normal person which led me to message a tinder match and he ghosted me and asdfs basically I don't even have an appetite anymore which only makes me feel WORSE and idk this rant has lost its direction. I just feel sad and I want to stop eating to make myself feel better but it only makes me feel worse for wasting money. Also it turns out one of my fave Kpop singers is only like 5 lbs from my weight on their profile but I feel like I look so much fatter?? The weight loss feels kind of meaningless b/c I won't have their face anyways and no one will ever love me and jeebus I sound like a sad sack of potatoes. idk where im going with this love u all here's a million warm ooey gooey zero calories cookies if you've read this all

[Rant/Rave] Almost out of the overweight bmi
/u/sunnyrai99
Created: Wed Sep 5 22:18:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dep0p/almost_out_of_the_overweight_bmi/
---
HW was 158lbs on a 5 ft 1 body
Bmi of 29.9 literally one point from being obese
CW 134lbs! Bmi of 25.5 sooo close to being "normal"
Hahaha isn't it funny all the times I've puked to be normal now LOL

[Help] Do artificial sweeteners cause weight gain?
/u/tarynughhh
Created: Wed Sep 5 22:13:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9denoe/do_artificial_sweeteners_cause_weight_gain/
---
I just came across several websites that were all saying that people who consumed artificial sweeteners were more prone to weight gain?? wtf?? sweetnlow is all i drink so i’m screwed if that’s true, please tell me it’s not!!

[Other] dae use a weight tracker to track progress?
/u/mindlessly_ [161cm | 49.9kg | BMI: 19.3]
Created: Wed Sep 5 22:10:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9den1j/dae_use_a_weight_tracker_to_track_progress/
---
https://i.redd.it/rh85svlrmjk11.jpg

[Rant/Rave] Been having tons of little bumps crop up all over my face.
/u/poip67
Created: Wed Sep 5 21:51:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dehtx/been_having_tons_of_little_bumps_crop_up_all_over/
---
It’s Splenda. One fucking packet a day plus one sparkling ice.






Fuck everything.

[Rant/Rave] Ughh this day was trash
/u/brattybiologist [5'8" | CW: 140 | 21.3 | UGW: 123 | 25F]
Created: Wed Sep 5 21:50:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dehjc/ughh_this_day_was_trash/
---
tldr - had a bad day, needed to rant. Sort of ed-related, but also I don’t really have anyone to vent to irl and I had to get this out.

So I got a new job last month and I’m still getting to know my new coworkers. I think generally it’s going well, but not today! I sat down to lunch with a few coworkers and one of them was eating a veggie burger and was sort of going on about what was in it. Maybe it was rude of me but I asked if she was a vegetarian. She said she was, so I was like “oh cool, I’m vegan! we should swap recipes somewtime” (not that I would actually eat them lol, I was really just trying to make a connection since I’m new and still getting to know people). And then she goes, “I’m actually vegan too, I just don’t go around announcing it.” Like?? Okay?? Sorry for trying to relate to you?? For some reason her response bothers me way more than when people think my diet is a joke? Like, shouldn’t we have some kind of solidarity? Idk it just really rubbed me the wrong way and yeah I honestly never want to tell anyone I’m vegan ever again. 🙃

Also the fall semester at my school just started and being constantly surrounded by girls who are skinnier, prettier, younger, and smarter than me has me triggered af 😬😬😬 My thoughts are like a constant stream of “I hate myself” every moment on campus that I’m not actively in class or working on homework. And lol I was so excited to get back to working out the rec center? I must have forgotton that all the girls there are freaking models and I’m just... not. I hate college so much.

So anyways. How was y’all’s day? Anyone else have any rants they want to get out? We can bitch about school together if you hate it too 👀

[Discussion] DAE get excited about the prospect of growing old on your deathbed so you can finally binge on all the foods you ever wanted without caring at all
/u/miugee [5'2 | CW: ? | BMI: 19.12 | WL: 25 lbs | F]
Created: Wed Sep 5 21:48:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9degxv/dae_get_excited_about_the_prospect_of_growing_old/
---
im craving so many foods rn......i finally moved out and started college a few weeks ago so i've been restricting and tbh this sucks

granted i havent binged since i got here (food in ny is so expensive wtf) but im thinking of visiting home this weekend just so i can eat everything

idk what to do if i go then i'll come back heavier and if i stay then i'll starve and be miserable. just wish i was old and on the verge of dying so i can eat as many jars of nutella as i want

[Rant/Rave] People telling me I look good is messing with my head
/u/binches [5'1 | SW 160 | CW 142 | WL -18 | GW 120]
Created: Wed Sep 5 21:43:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9defib/people_telling_me_i_look_good_is_messing_with_my/
---
Hey everyone!

During the summer I lost 20 pounds due to strict restrictions and eating around 700 calories every day. Coming back to school, I've had plenty of people tell me how good I look which you think would be motivating, but instead it just reminds me how ugly and fat I must've looked. It just makes me never want to eat again. Anyways just wanted to get that off my chest.

[Rant/Rave] i’m done. so done
/u/rainbowcatvomit
Created: Wed Sep 5 21:40:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9deesl/im_done_so_done/
---
eating sushi as i type this. great job.

i’ve had such a bad september and i know it’s just started and i have the whole month to make it better but fuck i’m just so tired of doing this. i’ve binged every day since friday, gained so much weight and it definitely shows. i need to cut this shit out but man it’s not easy right now. i’m so stressed and i just can’t help myself.

okay so now that i’m done eating that delicious mess i’m done. i need to get my shit together.

hope everyone else is having a nice september.

[Rant/Rave] lifehack; if u cant stop compulsively b/ping just get so depressed you cant leave your bed, much less get food!
/u/sleepyboyblue [5'5 | CW 110 | GW 100 | M]
Created: Wed Sep 5 21:30:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dec0k/lifehack_if_u_cant_stop_compulsively_bping_just/
---
/s

&#x200B;

i want to die lol

[Rant/Rave] The loss of other interests is something I hate most
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2 | 149 | Aiming for 146 by 9/25 | -12| f21]
Created: Wed Sep 5 21:29:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9debya/the_loss_of_other_interests_is_something_i_hate/
---
I try to force myself to do ANYTHING other than food related and it's extremely boring or anxiety inducing. All I want to do is go into the world of weight loss documentaries, Counting up tomorrows food, How can I get rid of calories here or there. When I first relapsed I still was sewing and playing Splatoon a lot, I thought "oh yeah this time I won't lose interest if I force myself" but uh...Yeah it happened. Nothing feels rewarding as food(or lack there of) now, I don't care about ANYTHING else. and I HATE IT SO MUCH, My interests are what keep me happy.

&#x200B;

Fuck this ED sometimes

[Discussion] Who is your worst Trigger Person? (Discussion + TLDR rant)
/u/markexclamationmark
Created: Wed Sep 5 21:24:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9deadj/who_is_your_worst_trigger_person_discussion_tldr/
---
We all have events/comments/shows that we find triggering, but DEA have a person that just sets them off in the worst way possible?

I've been staying with my Grandma for 4 days and I swear I've gained at least 2kg. Bless her heart she is very kind and giving, but now she is approaching 85, lives alone, and her mind and body are starting to give out a bit. I'm someone who needs time alone to recharge, but if my Grandma doesn't know exactly where I am and what I'm doing she will call out for me. She will try and talk to me when I'm on the toilet, when I've gone outside, when we're both in bed in separate rooms. Even when I have gone off to do something she asked me to do, she will ask where I've gone. You can hear her trying to have a whole convo with you when you can hear her properly.

I went up to the shops for her and was gone for 1.5 hours. When I came back she grilled me on why I had taken so long, saying "i thought you might have run off home" (i literally live in another state). I was dawdling just to get a bit of time to myself. The stress of doing all the cooking and cleaning for her makes me reach for food like crazy. She keeps a ton of junk food in the house, but is forgetful enough that I could eat almost all of it and she wouldn't notice.

Every night I have been saying I'm going to bed an hour early, just so i can sit on my bed in the dark (she comes by to check if I'm asleep) binging on food and watching youtube because it's the only way I can release enough nervous energy to sleep. I was going to try and fast today to get my eating under control, but then at 8:30am, while I'm still in bed, Grandma's friend comes around and she says "my granddaughter is here why don't you go and say hi". Nothing like a strange 80yr old man waking me up early to get my stress-binge muscle working overtime.

She asks me to make her specific meals that she rarely finishes (she is ill so not much appetite, i feel awful that I'm jealous). And every time she eats she will insist that I also eat the same thing, even if I don't like it.

She has always triggered me to an extent because she will try and feed me junk, but then comment on my weight.

Above all, I don't want to complain or isolate myself because she is old and unwell and my time with her is precious 😔

TL;DR:
Staying with demanding, aging Grandma, never getting a moment's peace from the stress and anxiety, binging like mad to compensate.

[Rant/Rave] Tomorrow is my birthday and I’m freaking out because people are going to make me eat
/u/fight-me-grrm
Created: Wed Sep 5 21:24:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9deabp/tomorrow_is_my_birthday_and_im_freaking_out/
---
So tomorrow is my birthday... honestly I don’t really see the point in celebrating since birthdays don’t seem like they should be a big deal to me. But my coworkers want to take me out to lunch, and my parents want to do a fancy dinner, and my friends want to have a party. I tried to ask my parents if we could move the dinner to the weekend instead and now they want to have a weekend dinner AND do something for my birthday.

I don’t object to all of these by themselves... but these are a lot of things that revolve around food. I normally restrict on weekdays so I can chill about eating over the weekend. I fast or eat one meal MAX. I try not to make exceptions for special occasions because the last time I did that set off a year-long binge that started at Thanksgiving and ended 70 pounds later.

Now we’re talking about a full day’s worth of food... four times over. It’s stressing me out and it means I’m going to have to restrict over the weekend which messes with the only rhythm I’ve found that keeps me from going off the deep end.

Not to mention the fact that I’m turning 25 and I feel like my ED has stolen the last ten years of my life and I’ve wasted my youth :(

[Discussion] Goal clothes
/u/CrushedOats
Created: Wed Sep 5 21:19:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9de93y/goal_clothes/
---
I’ve had this Vera wang children’s dress I picked up while preparing for my first year of high school. It’s blue, starry non-stretch fabric with an adorable collar on top. Four fucking years it’s been my goal to wear it comfortably. It fucking fits. It’s the weirdest feeling in the world. Senior year is on to a wild start 🎉

Do you guys have any goal clothes you’ve been saving?

[Help] Help me not cancel the doctor appt I scheduled myself?
/u/youcansaynoyouknow
Created: Wed Sep 5 21:17:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9de8hg/help_me_not_cancel_the_doctor_appt_i_scheduled/
---
Tldr: relapsed underweight runner in 30s, have scheduled doctor appointment tomorrow but have every reason to just cancel it.

Help me go or cancel and just use this as a guidepost to straighten up. I’m old and body isn’t what it once was.

I’m a mom. I don’t want to die. I’ve had an ED since whenever (a teen?) and I’ve been to outpatient treatment. Got to a borderline healthy BMI. Still obsessive. Afraid of my own binge tendencies. Once I was healthy, I got back down to probably I’m guessing 114-116, probably yo-yoing up to 125 sometimes, but I never weighed myself really. This was, like, 8 years. I’m old. Ok so, then I had a kid and sort of couldn’t/wouldn’t get below what I was when I initially got pregnant (basically an 18.5 BMI, just enough to ovulate, for my body). I was breastfeeding and then just maintaining while running a lot.

But THEN I gained a bit (long story) up past 125, though I was afraid to weigh, so I flipped a switch and lost down to borderline underweight. My running suffered. My anger management suffered. My energy suffered. It was worth it. And I haven’t stopped. I restrict REALLY high because I run so much (40+ miles/week). I keep thinking, ok, I’m testing out higher ranges, like from 1400s to 1500s to now 1800s and I’m still randomly losing a whole pound or two every week or two. It’s sudden, because I’ll be retaining water and then boom. So now I’m at 110 in the morning even after a big dinner. Oh and I’m 5’7”. My heart rate feels funky. I don’t feel as energy-zombied as I did, but I want someone to tell me it’s ok to run and just try to do better. That I’m not risking my life. I want to maintain, and I want someone to reassure me that it’s ok to run while I do that.

But WHY would a doctor encourage me right now? That seems unlikely. And I do NOT want someone to tell me not to run based on an arbitrary gut feeling and then leave me all freaked out. Should I go for the sake of getting as much information as I can? Tell me not to cancel? Halp!

FINALLY
/u/birdsbirdsbirds339 [25F| 160cm | gw1: 137 | -24]
Created: Wed Sep 5 21:13:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9de79u/finally/
---
Broke into the 140s I've been waiting SO long for this!!! Fuck you plateau!!! I'm still fat as hell but still!!!

And fasting will be easy because I got into a fight with my SO and now I dont want to eat for the next week!! Trust in the process amirite?

[Rant/Rave] Welp. Here comes a binge.
/u/boneybabybitch [5'4" | GW birthweight | BMI 16.3 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 5 21:02:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9de46t/welp_here_comes_a_binge/
---
I ate so well today. I got super motivated by something I read (on reddit) yesterday, and put it into action all day today. I ate breakfast AND lunch (wow! I usually OMAD, at most eat 2 meals, but 3 is scary!). Both added up to 341 calories. I was prepared to go home and make myself a sensible dinner.

Then comes the text.

“I need a drink!”

Well, duh. I’m never one to pass up a drink. “Dinner will be liquid now,” I thought.

Five hours later and I just ordered pizza. A $20 minimum means I ordered a LOT of pizza.

I already know what will happen. I already know how I will feel after.

I don’t know why I needed to project this into the void, but thanks for listening.


OMAD vs. 24 hour fast?
/u/ketokitty13
Created: Wed Sep 5 20:57:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9de2rs/omad_vs_24_hour_fast/
---
Sorry if this is silly, but could anyone elaborate on the difference? OMAD just sounds like sustainable, everyday 24 hour fasting?

i cannot wait until i live on my own
/u/DavidMitchellTurtle [5'8" | M/18 | CW 193.8lbs | UGW 115 | BMI 29.9 | Lost 70]
Created: Wed Sep 5 20:52:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9de17w/i_cannot_wait_until_i_live_on_my_own/
---
being able to just not eat? only keep safe foods in the house? self harm, drink, and smoke without having to explain myself or hide it? fasting to save up for a giant meal i'd be embarrassed to eat in front of others? weighing myself all the time without question? working out at 3 am with no one to wake up?

god dammit i need some fucking privacy for once in my short, short life

[Rant/Rave] Wake up call [rant]
/u/Thtcrazygiraffe
Created: Wed Sep 5 20:50:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9de0ks/wake_up_call_rant/
---
So for over a week I’ve been bingeing non stop, constantly reassuring myself with the trope, “oh I’ll start fresh tomorrow!” But tonight I was on a hammock and it fucking broke because I’m a fat whale. So I’m not going to eat until I don’t know when. Maybe when I look in the mirror and don’t hate what I see.

I will say though, I haven’t purged in a really long time, but even though I’ve been bingeing and by not purging it’s caused me to gain weight, I think in the long run it’ll be way better that I’ve gotten out of the habit of purging. So that’s me trying to see the silver lining.

Just a few questions regarding nutritionists...
/u/digiskunk
Created: Wed Sep 5 20:34:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ddvzo/just_a_few_questions_regarding_nutritionists/
---
hey guys,

i'm a long-time lurker and perhaps you've seen me comment on a few threads here or there. i've been seeing a therapist lately and she's been quite concerned about my eating (or lack thereof), so she suggested that i seek out a nutritionist who can help me balance out my diet. i'm assuming i can do this on my own or ask my primary doctor for a referral, ether/or.

i'm honestly quite intrigued by this because i think it may be a step in the right direction for me, and helping me combat how i view food.

however, i have no clue what seeing a nutritionist really encompasses, so if any kind souls here could shed some light on this subject, i'd be utmost grateful. i know i could easily search google but i'd prefer to hear first-hand experiences so i really know what to expect, what these visits consist of, etc.

if this breaks the rules in any way, i apologize, i will remove this thread if necessary

thank you guys! <3

fasting for ice cream
/u/jujuyk
Created: Wed Sep 5 20:20:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ddrmq/fasting_for_ice_cream/
---
didn’t eat all day so I could eat at my programs ice cream social. feel so bloated from the dairy but the cherry garcia was worth it lol. + nobody questioned me at all.

[Other] What are electrolytes?
/u/tvshve
Created: Wed Sep 5 20:14:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ddpxn/what_are_electrolytes/
---
What are electrolytes and how can I get them with minimum caloric intake? I know there drinks like Gatorade but I’m trying to save money.

Obsessing over my stats for today- finally feel like I’ve done one thing right this whole week
/u/justoliverflynn
Created: Wed Sep 5 20:13:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ddplp/obsessing_over_my_stats_for_today_finally_feel/
---
https://i.redd.it/tchbpmat1jk11.jpg

I can't be positive and I don't think I can change
/u/SpaceWhale88 [5'3 | CW 20lbs overweight | HW 197 | LW 122 | 30F]
Created: Wed Sep 5 19:58:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ddl3e/i_cant_be_positive_and_i_dont_think_i_can_change/
---
My sponsor ended our call early because I was being too negative. I knew I'd chase her away with my real feelings eventually.

I kinda feel the fuck it attitude right now. I wanna eat some ice cream and throw it up out of spite.

I'm irl a terrible person and I always have been and always will be. I just cant change. I've been rewatching Bojack Horseman and when he has that [sad break up with his Lisa Kudrow Owl GF](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=huPtWcb982o) describes me perfectly. Once people know the real me they leave.

Why try and change? I'll always feel empty so why not just continue on like I have been? Why not just restrict and binge and purge? I can still lose weight like that. Why bother with recovery? No one who knows the real me wants anything to do with me. I just chase them away. So why not allow myself the comfort that allows me to function and pretend to be someone who people like? Every time I open up people leave. My insides are necrotic.

Sugar-free candy doesn’t give me the “laxative effect”
/u/ghostlythin [61.25” | CW 98.4 | BMI 18.4]
Created: Wed Sep 5 19:54:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ddjr1/sugarfree_candy_doesnt_give_me_the_laxative_effect/
---
...which is bad, because that means I wasted 400 calories on 10 Werther’s sugar free caramels, in a weird attempt to satisfy my sugar cravings (during a binge) AND be able to shit SOMETHING out after my binge.

Or I’ve got a big storm coming 🙃

[Rant/Rave] I feel like I've lost
/u/CrabGothHero [5'6" | 204.5lbs | 33.0bmi | 3.4lbs | Female]
Created: Wed Sep 5 19:45:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ddgw1/i_feel_like_ive_lost/
---
Hey there, I'm new. I hope this is allowed, but I just wanted to vent a bit. That being said, it might be triggering. (Also, I don't know if I should tag this as a rant/rave or an intro, I'm sorry)


Ever since I was little, I've had a weird relationship with my weight. I would be at the playground, and see all these kids whose arms were half the size of mine. I'd come up to my mom later and tell her, "I'm fat," and she'd tell me I'm not. This was a consistent thing until I was 13. At that point, the conversation would go,
"Hey mom, I think I should lose weight,"
"We've had this conversation since you were little, you're fine." So I'd leave it alone for a while. I wasn't comfortable with my weight, but my mom said I was fine, and she's smarter than me, so I must be fine.


Then I noticed my thighs were large, and I made the comment at a friends house. Her mom told me that they're good for having kids. I was happy about that for a while, because I want to be a mother.


Then, by the time I was 15, I had developed depression. I hated looking in the mirror. I hated wearing a swimsuit. I hated it all. But every time I'd ask Momma, she would say, "You're fine." You're fine. You're fine. You're fine. I hated those words. I don't feel fine. I don't look fine.
Momma and I got in a fight, I decided I'd kill two birds with one stone. I wanted to lose weight, and I wanted to punish myself for doing wrong, so I'd just not eat. Almost went a day without food, but then Momma made supper, and I thought, "What am I thinking?" and gave in. But the idea never really went away.


I've been battling with the idea of not eating, or not eating enough, for three years. I'd never stuck with it, I'd never gone through with it. Until this year. You can see where I'm at right now. I'm over 200 pounds. I feel like a whale. It's to the point where my mom actually told me that I'm obese according to the BMI (where before she said the BMI was bullshit).


So here I am now, restricting my calories to anywhere from 400-1000 under my Base Metabolic Rate. It didn't start that way. I wanted to know how many I should eat so I could stay there or above. But as time progresses, I set less and less to eat. I feel like I've lost. I've lost a battle with my OCPD, I've lost a battle with my self destructive tendencies.


But I'm winning against my depression. I'm actually happy. I'm actually out exercising when just last year I could barely get out of bed. I'm losing weight so quickly. I feel awful when I think of how this is going to affect my fiance, but it goes away when I complete that mile, or when that number on the scale goes down way quicker than it should, or when I feel empty by exercising right after eating a meal. It feels liberating, even though I know it's not.


I shouldn't feel this way, but I do. And it is really confusing.

Just want to be normal. Why can't you be normal?
/u/SoftElevator [5'5.5"| CW 138.6 | SW 153.8 | 28 F]
Created: Wed Sep 5 19:42:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ddg5s/just_want_to_be_normal_why_cant_you_be_normal/
---
I just want to be normal. Why can't you be normal...? Eminem understands me, why can't I understand me? Ugh. This new album is FIRE btw loves.

[Discussion] DAE eat food that will intentionally make them sick?
/u/BladderPatrol
Created: Wed Sep 5 19:40:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ddffl/dae_eat_food_that_will_intentionally_make_them/
---


Ive done this my whole life. If I eat something way too spicy or drink too much coffee or eat some McDonald’s ice cream my body just decides to get rid of everything and it makes me sooo happy. I caught myself today getting excited because my spicy lunch and black coffee combo was making me super sick.

I’ve done this since I was a little kid! I guess I’ve always had issues with food, but I don’t abuse laxatives like I did when I was a teenager so yay recovery.

[Discussion] recipes with rice paper?
/u/pringlesbutthole [6’|F|CW:115.3|BMI:15.03|20]
Created: Wed Sep 5 19:40:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ddfde/recipes_with_rice_paper/
---
I bought some rice paper the other day bc 1 sheet is only 25 calories but I have no idea what to put inside of them that’ll be low cal and not gross. I was thinking tuna/salmon maybe?? i really don’t know lol. any ideas?

[Rant/Rave] I have the ultimate thinspiration right now.
/u/dyingtobepretty [5ft|85lbs|F]
Created: Wed Sep 5 19:36:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dde7n/i_have_the_ultimate_thinspiration_right_now/
---
I’m sorry if this is weird to post here, but I need to talk about this and idk where else I’d be free to talk about it.

A little over a year ago, my life spiraled out of control. My 5 year relationship ended, and I cut off contact with nearly everyone and moved hours away. I became so incredibly depressed and anxiety-filled, I really stopped living. I haven’t done something fun in so long. I haven’t felt like myself in so long. Eventually, I broke. I called my family and asked to move back in with them, so I’m doing that at the end of the month.

During my, like, 10 day total breakdown, I texted my ex. Within 5mins of talking, we both admitted we were still holding onto the hope that we’d end up together, and that we felt in our hearts we were soulmates. It’s going to be a while before we can actually be together, but he wants to see me when I move back. I’m already thinner than I was when I saw him last, but I just need to be thinner. I need to look as good as I possibly can. I need Alexis Ren’s body in 3 weeks.

I’m gonna eat as little as I possibly can, and workout as much as I can, for the rest of this month (and prob longer). I used to go full weeks without eating, but I haven’t restricted in sooo long, it’s only been about 20 hours and it’s already hard. The only thing I want more than steak ‘n shake right now is to look good when I move back. I just keep thinking about how critical every calorie is right now. I keep imagining how flat I could get my stomach, and how much easier it’ll get the longer I go. I keep pinching my arms and thighs. I keep looking up thinspo on pinterest and planning all the cute outfits I’ll finally be able to buy (since I won’t have bills to pay anymore) and imagining how good I could make them look. Ugh. I want to eat but I also want to get more fat off my body before I move back than is even humanly possibly. So nothing but coffee, diet coke and water until I’m passing out. The restricting highs already setting in a little and jesus did I miss this.

[Help] worried about my sister.
/u/lightningmcqueef69 [5'5" | 119.6 | 19.75 | 18 | enby ]
Created: Wed Sep 5 19:35:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dddvo/worried_about_my_sister/
---
I'm a snooper. I love looking through other people's shit, especially when I know I shouldn't be. I never take anything, it's just sheer curiosity.

While looking through my (14 year old) sister's room, I found her journal. It's absolutely an invasion of privacy, but I peeked.

She has a food log. She writes about feeling fat, someone making fun of her, counting calories, crying at night. She has her exact body measurements written down, everything. Luckily she doesn't know about my scale.

She just went vegan, and because I just discovered all this I suspect part of it was so she can prepare her own food all the time, and avoid going to restaurants. At least that's what I would do, but I'm fucked up.

I don't know what to do. Do I tell my parents? I feel like a fucking hypocrite. I've been dealing with my own mental health issues since I was even younger than her, and I don't want her to feel alone like I did. I don't want her to go down the same path. I didn't get help until I was almost 18, and it wasn't even for my ED. My ED is my dirty little secret but I don't want her to keep the same secrets as me. I want hers to be good.

...What do I do? Fuck.

bruh I’m so dumb??
/u/BEDBulimic [153cm | CW: 55.8 | GW1: 55 | -8.2 | 20F]
Created: Wed Sep 5 19:34:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dddp2/bruh_im_so_dumb/
---
I just realised I can use sparkling water to dilute my beloved white Monster Zero.

I’m so dumb this is PERFECT how did I not think of this sooner?

* still hella strong flavour (1:1 ratio)

* my water intake is upped and I don’t like drinking plain water ha

* there’s so much liquid and bubbles in me I can’t even think of food??

* I’m trying to cut down sweeteners (growing kinda dependent on them for my sweet tooth lol) and caffeine (since I’m high restricting and caffeine is death)... so win-win

Lmao sorry if this was hella obvious to everyone but I am newly in love don’t @ me

[Rant/Rave] My new twisted hobby
/u/landfill7707
Created: Wed Sep 5 19:33:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ddd9n/my_new_twisted_hobby/
---
Long story short, our water filter broke and we have to go to another floor of our dorm to fill up our water bottles. Next to the closest fountain is a private bathroom. It’s the easiest excuse to go to the fountain after a meal, let my bottle fill up, slip into the bathroom, purge it all out, and then head back to the room without any suspicion. It’s honestly the best and worst thing for me rn

[Other] This subreddit keeps me from relapsing
/u/daintywannabe
Created: Wed Sep 5 19:29:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ddc14/this_subreddit_keeps_me_from_relapsing/
---
So I don't know why this happens. I've been struggling with binge eating and with "anorexia" (it feels weird to write that). I've gotten to the point where I would see black spots by just walking upstairs. And I've also been overweight. I didn't think it was a problem until I counted my calories. I joined this subreddit shortly after (and made my first post).

After almost fainting again at the gym and being told by the doctor that my heart rate was "weird", I decided to stop restricting. I realized that I had gone too far for too long. I decided to start eating 1200 calories. But I became kinda addicted to this site.

It's been hard. Sometimes I binge and sometimes I feel like even drinking water in the morning will make me fatter... At both times I get into this subreddit and read some posts... and somehow, that stops me from binging/not eating.

It's weird, I know. I don't even read anything specific, just being with you all, reading your posts... it helps me. It's like this subreddit keeps me from falling back down the rabbit hole. Idk, just wanted to say thank you. Thank you all for always being supportive and nice. ♡


i felt hella weak today so i'm gonna try to get my health back before it's too late
/u/itsyaboifranzi [5'0| 105.6 lbs | 20.6 | ~20 lbs | F]
Created: Wed Sep 5 18:52:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dd0s4/i_felt_hella_weak_today_so_im_gonna_try_to_get_my/
---
i know i just celebrated reaching 105, but ill be very careful and try not to gain. i wont binge or restrict or fast for the rest of the month or until i feel good again, it's been nice here but i think for my own safety i should ease up as well as i can for a bit. see you guys later, stay safe ♡

[Discussion] Let’s talk business travel
/u/crazy-mcgee [5’5” | 140 | 23.3 | who even knows anymore| F]
Created: Wed Sep 5 18:33:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dcv86/lets_talk_business_travel/
---
Do any of you have a jobs that require business travel? How do you manage it?

Without going too much in detail, I have a job that requires extensive travel about 25% of the time. In a few days, I’m leaving home and won’t be back until the end of next month. I’ll be driving 10,000+ miles in that time around the US. It sounds exciting, but it really isn’t. I wanted to be Eloise when I was little, but the Comfort Inn isn’t quite the Plaza! Anyway, we have to turn in receipts for all of our food expenses (company credit card). My last boss used to make fun of the receipts we’d turn in during the last trip, when I was going through a hard binge phase and gained a ton of weight (“haha crazy-mcgee, sour patch kids aren’t a food group!”), so now I’m very self-conscious even if no one sees the receipts. Thankfully, all my meals are on my own, so there’s no pressure at group dinners.

I’ve relapsed hard to restricting in recent weeks, and am nervous about managing my intake. What if I don’t eat enough and crash the car? How can I justify eating nothing but a Panera salad, Diet Coke, and black coffee on my receipts? What if I start binging with access to so much trash food and can’t stop?

ugh I hate this

[Help] Alcohol help
/u/lilith2569
Created: Wed Sep 5 18:29:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dctnv/alcohol_help/
---
I am a borderline alcoholic. Well, I used to be. I would buy mini bottles of liquor and drink them in the bathroom at work sometimes because my job was boring. I drank a bottle of wine every night. Now it’s a little different. I live in a dry county and can’t get it as often as I used to, however my mother buys it and keeps it in the house and I can drink with her. I do so so SO good during the day. And then At night I want to sit down with my mom and have a glass of wine. Or the whole bottle. How do I not want the alcohol?

[Help] Anyone else have weird heartbeats when restricting?
/u/sellie41434
Created: Wed Sep 5 18:25:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dcsp4/anyone_else_have_weird_heartbeats_when_restricting/
---
I'm restricting heavily (400-800) and I've noticed that my heartbeat feels off. Like, it feels like my heart is beating too fast even if I'm sitting down and it beats weirdly. Does this happen to anyone else? Should I go to a doctor? I'm not underweight by any means (I'm 5"1' and 128.6 lbs) and I thought stuff like this only happens when you get underweight

[Tip] Vapour snacks - potentially genius idea??
/u/jazledisko
Created: Wed Sep 5 18:02:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dcld3/vapour_snacks_potentially_genius_idea/
---
Sooo I'm sure i can't be the only one whos thought of this, but vaping yummy food flavours instead of eating the foods? Does anyone do this and how has it worked out?

I gave up smoking years ago and know that was always something to do instead of food and since vape liquids come nicotine free and so many yummy flavours it seems like a great idea right?

Side note - do proper carb heavy meal flavours exist and if so are they any good?? If there's a garlic bread vape liquid out there then i need it in my life!!

Awkward interaction at work
/u/jazzcatss
Created: Wed Sep 5 17:46:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dcg6i/awkward_interaction_at_work/
---
I was sitting on my break at work just eating my lunch and a coworker made a comment about losing weight and how they dislike eating healthy. My lunch was not healthy by any means (I was stuffing a ready made meal into my face + other snacks PLUS red bull because I desperately need the energy to function properly at work). I thought I would make a joke to lighten the mood and said "just be fat and miserable like the rest of us" followed by taking in a mouthful of food. Few people in the staff room laughed but this person was then like "yeah but you lost all your weight so you can't talk". I didn't really know how to respond. All I said was "hmm I haven't lost all of it yet" and they were like "yeah you have". Then a couple minutes later they were like "you just CAN'T say you're fat and miserable when you've lost all that weight." I didn't know how to respond so I just nodded my head and continued to eat my lunch while they sat and stared at every bite of shitty food I took.

&#x200B;

I still quiet haven't processed the interaction I had with them. It just keeps coming across my mind. I still don't know whether I liked their response or not. idk I just thought I would share this awkward story with y'all.

[Other] Around how many calories does walking burn?
/u/mks_993
Created: Wed Sep 5 17:36:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dcd5a/around_how_many_calories_does_walking_burn/
---
I know it varies, but generally how many calories per mile can I expect to burn when walking?

My personal stats are F/5’6/133

I looked at my Apple health app and so far today it says 2.5 miles walked (which is from walking to and from the train, and around my office - which is quite large). Can’t tell if that’s an overestimate tho.

Anyway, what do you guys think?

I keep falling off the wagon
/u/comrade_toastboy [65" | CW 119| GW 115 | UGW 110 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 5 16:58:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dc12t/i_keep_falling_off_the_wagon/
---
And I’m not losing weight and it’s so frustrating. I keep binging and then I end up throwing it up. I just wanna lose 5-10 pounds and it’s so difficult.

[Discussion] Tell Me About Your Day
/u/AnaTroi [5'9" | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 5 16:52:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dbz8m/tell_me_about_your_day/
---
Having an extra-super-duper crap-fest of a day. It's great, because if I cry it completely wrecks my appetite. Now if I can just avoid the temptation to chug half a bottle of whiskey when I get home.

Sitting at 130 cals for the day and intended to stay there!

Anyway, how's your day? Distract me. 😂

I feel like such a baby I’m only on my 21st hour of fasting and I’m already feeling so fucked up!
/u/lizard_dreams
Created: Wed Sep 5 16:22:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dbpgg/i_feel_like_such_a_baby_im_only_on_my_21st_hour/
---
Im not even underweight so I don’t know why my head already feels like it’s swimming! It’s true though that the feeling is really float. I am planning on eating today but I’m just seeing how long i can go... I’ve had so much coffee i feel totally dissociated from the desire to eat.

[Rant/Rave] Has anyone had success on 700-800 a day?
/u/notadolphin1823
Created: Wed Sep 5 16:14:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dbmu6/has_anyone_had_success_on_700800_a_day/
---
I want to try to stay a functional human, but the anxiety I feel eating over 1000 cals a day is unbearable. Is 700-800 too much? I’m 5’7. I’m sorry if this isn’t allowed, but I’m just honestly panicking that I’m going to gain with that much and not lose.

[Rant/Rave] Forgot how good the restriction high feels
/u/fernsandfoxes [5'5.5"|CW:109|BMI:18|GW:100|19F]
Created: Wed Sep 5 16:04:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dbjg5/forgot_how_good_the_restriction_high_feels/
---
I’m getting out of a bad binge/purge cycle rn and oh man did I forget how good that restriction high is. It feels like I’m waking on air.

[Discussion] For those in College, where do you study?
/u/Soybeansandsprouts [🍉5'5|110|GW:105🍌]
Created: Wed Sep 5 16:04:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dbj8k/for_those_in_college_where_do_you_study/
---
Right now, I'm in one of those slightly caffeine induced manicy states that I enter whenever I am working on essays or my research for my honors thesis. I don't want to brag, but I am pretty good writer. This is only because I obsess over every damn sentence. When I'm working on an essay or reading papers related to my research, hours pass like minutes and if I add coffee then woop now its 3:00 AM and I haven't thought about food once. The only thing that will get me to leave is running out of coffee and being to cheap to buy more from the cafe. These are the times when I'm super content with everything in life and feel like I've got all my shit together, and I like working on these at the library or cafe's because there are no distractions and the white noise is kind of calming.

Anyway, where do you guys like to study? For those of you who study at home, how do you do it? I live super far away now and don't like walking home alone late at night for numerous reasons, so usually I try to stay on campus as long as I can before it gets too dark. There are some things I can't do at home because they require me to be in lab, but in general, my bed tends to distract me so I only do "light" classwork at home like reading and reviewing notes. I'm a morning person so I try to get to campus by 7:30-8:00 everyday and I can be very productive for a few hours before I need to go into class or lab. I find that the ideal environment really depends on the work that needs to get done, but the longer I am away from home, the less food I am around so that is plus. What about you guys?

&#x200B;

&#x200B;

&#x200B;

&#x200B;

&#x200B;

There are a few very specific subjects that cause me to enter a manic state in which I work endlessly

Family making you eat breakfast
/u/BadHeart25
Created: Wed Sep 5 15:38:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dbaak/family_making_you_eat_breakfast/
---
I’ve lied about me eating twice and my mom caught me both times. I don’t want to eat breakfast but my parents won’t let me. I feel so upset when I eat breakfast. Any ideas in how to fake eating? My mom and Dad don’t know that I consume 800 cal a day or that I weigh myself.
I hate throwing away food but that may be my next thing.

I need control over my body again
/u/multicolour-squirrel [5'8 |71kg? 67kg? who knows|GW:60kg|26F]
Created: Wed Sep 5 15:22:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9db4ud/i_need_control_over_my_body_again/
---
I have decided it is time to fix my relationship with my body and with food. ALL I have done is restrict, binge, restrict, binge. I have nothing to show for it. I weighed in at 71.5kg this morning, my highest weight in months. I have completely lost control and it is time to regain it back. No more fasting, just straight CICO steady every day at at least 1200 calories. No more massive cardio binge sessions. No more pushing myself through various injuries to try and just lose some weight. I need control over my body.

Peace out, you're all fabulous and amazing. I hope to not come back.

[Other] it is SO much easier to restrict at school!
/u/manfromanother-place [5’1.75 | CW:102.5 | GW: 98 | 19.62]
Created: Wed Sep 5 15:07:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dazcy/it_is_so_much_easier_to_restrict_at_school/
---
i at a slice of pizza at lunch and a half bag of lays at quizbowl practice. 450 calories 👌

[Rant/Rave] Not sure what’s worse...
/u/ShannonAnon
Created: Wed Sep 5 14:48:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dasxe/not_sure_whats_worse/
---
...that I screwed up not one, BUT TWO very important presentations in my first week of school, or that when I ran home crying I realized I had to no one to reach out to.

Seriously, I don’t call family up crying and I’m not close enough to any of my friends to justify ugly-crying to them. My boyfriend broke his phone and is unreachable unless in front of his computer, so here I am. Now I get to go to a class where I know I did the homework wrong and the teacher is terrifying.

I wish I had friends hahahahaa

[Goal] Made it! I think?
/u/myedthrowawaydotcom
Created: Wed Sep 5 14:39:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dapo9/made_it_i_think/
---
Today marks the first 24hr fast I have done in my entire life, I really didn’t think I would make it, especially since today is also my first “I quit smoking” day, and I’ve been craving everything. Cigarettes. And a sandwich. A cigarette sandwich. But I made it!! Unless chewing sugar free gum and drinking diet coke and tea counts as breaking the fast??? Oh dear God is my life a lie?
Either way, here’s to doubling this (hopefully) fast! 🥤



[Discussion] Thoughts on Drunkorexia?
/u/queen_of_quartz
Created: Wed Sep 5 14:36:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9daok0/thoughts_on_drunkorexia/
---
I’ve inevitably fallen into starting to eat at 2pm and having one small meal and just drinking for the rest of the day. Not like until I’m drunk. Talk me out of this or share experiences. I’m so stuck.

[Other] Thank you!
/u/twa1238 [F25| 158cm | CW 🐄 |]
Created: Wed Sep 5 14:15:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dahd4/thank_you/
---
I just wanted to tell you all how much I appreciate this sub. This is such a relaxing and calming place for me, it’s so great to not feel judged. And I love the friendly atmosphere and that everyone’s genuinely happy for others when they talk about recovering but that it’s also okay to say you’re not ready.

In other ED forums I always felt left out and the general tone was so bossy and condescending and I can’t deal with that, but here it’s just so nice. Idk.

Sorry for rambling but you all saved my day many times.


Thank you.

[Other] Found out my body dysmorphia is way worse than I thought
/u/thingsarestranger [5’2” | CW: 125 | -35 | GW:95 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 5 14:06:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9dadyy/found_out_my_body_dysmorphia_is_way_worse_than_i/
---
I had always figured my bf and I were pretty close in weight and I’m pretty sure I had weighed the same as him when I met him bc I was at my HW of 160 and he had just gotten over being rly sick and was super skinny. He’s 5’11” and I’m 5’2”. He’s beefed up since we started dating (I feed him what I won’t feed myself lol) and I’ve dropped weight. Got new batteries for my scale so I went to class came home and he says he weighed himself and he’s 190 and that his BMI is overweight and he was upset about it. He has a lot of muscle tho (like I can pinch his stomach but that’s it he isn’t fat) but I weighed myself and I was 125. I weigh 65 pounds less than him?????? I figured maybe I was down to like 20 pounds less than him. Really is fucking with my brain right now lol anyone ever have a similar experience?

dae buy clothes that are way too small because 'when i'm skinny i'll be able to fit into them'
/u/kittenbun [5'9 | GW 140 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 5 13:32:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9da1i8/dae_buy_clothes_that_are_way_too_small_because/
---
because i've been doing this for literally 10 years and it's ridiculous because i play 'favourites' with my clothes and i'm 99% sure that even when i've lost 27lb i will still favour all my tatty old jumpers and the fluffy pink dressing gown i've been wearing for the last decade lmao

[Help] Shaking/trembling?
/u/elevenbravo274 [5'7 | 114 | 17.8 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 5 13:31:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9da15s/shakingtrembling/
---
Does anyone else shake when they’re restricting? Normally I can keep up with restricting and exercising but today at breakfast it seemed my motor functions wanted to make me look like a goddamn fool. Like, food was falling off my fork and at one point I even spilled water on myself. Does this happen to anyone else? I’m so confused.

I finally went down thank god! Soon my weight will actually match my flair!!
/u/SkinnyisSexy [5'7.6 |128.4|gw115|19.6| F]
Created: Wed Sep 5 13:24:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d9yrj/i_finally_went_down_thank_god_soon_my_weight_will/
---
147 and today im 130. Yaasssss bitch the past 3 days I've been between 133 and 132. I fasted all day yesterday and plan to today. Coffee, water, powerade zero. I will get to 128 soon, havent been in my 120's in two years. Goal is 117. I feel like I'm so fucking close. I just cant fuck it up, no binge sept. Woot.

[Help] Conflicted about eating meaningful meals
/u/impkidz [165cm ♡ CW: 114lbs ♡ GW: 90lbs ♡ BMI: 19.22 ♡ F]
Created: Wed Sep 5 13:20:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d9x99/conflicted_about_eating_meaningful_meals/
---
My mom recently has seen how depressed I've been (and I've been at a very critical low lately) and has been trying really hard to cheer me up and show she cares because she wants to be supportive of me (our relationship is rocky, but were trying to make it better lately). Shes been doing it this past week by making my favorite meals from when I was a kid. It makes me cry when I see how thoughtful it is of her, but I've been faking nausea because the meals are all super rich and fattening and I know if I eat them it would be even more damaging to my mental health because I'd be terrified of gaining weight from it. I'm scared she's going to catch on soon and I'll hurt her feelings because I'm turning down her really sweet attempts to help me. Should I just start working out even more and just make her meals my OMAD? Should i just keep faking sick? I can't tell her the truth, it would only make her more worried for me. I really don't want to hurt my mom because my ana makes me selfish like this.

WATERMELON RIND BROS
/u/bingeyboa
Created: Wed Sep 5 13:18:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d9wl1/watermelon_rind_bros/
---
Fuck me, but I have discovered the joy of watermelon rind. I love me a good melon. Red/pink life cubes? Low cal? Count me in!

But they're expensive, and there's a whole rind left behind.

Well, my dudes, cube that bad boy and freeze it and you have smoothie fodder for the rest of recorded history. Not even kidding. Frozen rind, water, sweetener, and ice in the blender and you have a mild sweet drink. I sometimes put 0-cal drink powder in there instead of sweetener (my favorite so far is peach), and add more ice and water.

Damn. So good.

100g of rind is 18 calories, and for a good full-textured smoothie, it takes at most 50-70g of rind, so like, 10 cal smoothie of delicious filling joy.

Damn good shit.

Of course, my dumb ass still panic purges it sometimes, because I usually have it with air-popped pop corn which can become a binge food if I'm not careful, but when I have it alone, I love life.

Just make sure you blend the rind and water alone first, to get the texture right, or else it will be a little stringy. Once you've got it blended then add the powder a bit more water, and the ice.

It's also amazingly fibrous which is a blessing.

I ate a bunch of protein and fiber. Kill me now.
/u/HistrionicSlut
Created: Wed Sep 5 12:46:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d9l3j/i_ate_a_bunch_of_protein_and_fiber_kill_me_now/
---
My intestines hurt. I’m dying. I have an abdominal CT because I got issues and I’m so embarrassed they are gonna know. I want to run away but I already drank the drink they gave me. I think that is killing me too. Send help. I’m so bloated.

Goal tracking for September
/u/throwawaytodayokc [5'4.3"| GW 96 lbs |33 y/o]
Created: Wed Sep 5 12:38:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d9i9t/goal_tracking_for_september/
---
https://imgur.com/BYv0qy1

[Rant/Rave] I keep saying I'll stop weighing tomorrow and then I weigh again
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2 | 149 | Aiming for 146 by 9/25 | -12| f21]
Created: Wed Sep 5 12:33:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d9ggz/i_keep_saying_ill_stop_weighing_tomorrow_and_then/
---
I'm like an addict 😣. Didn't weigh for a week+ in August and it was great, Lost 2 pounds and I didn't have the stress. So I keep meaning to not weigh,but every morning I just NEED to know , or it's out of habit I dunno. I feel bad for failing to meet my own goal but also for not weighing Haha

[Help] How do you avoid eating at work?
/u/im-stressed-af-fam [5'3 | UGW: 108 | CW: binged]
Created: Wed Sep 5 12:15:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d9a7c/how_do_you_avoid_eating_at_work/
---
I started an internship last week and it’s my 4th day here. People keep asking me if I brought my lunch and why I didn’t bring anything. They also bring in catering a lot and I had to eat a slice of pizza today to fit in. I like to ECA stack on days that I go in and really don’t want to eat if I’m not even hungry or craving anything. How do you guys avoid food at work?

Am I supposed to just accept that my medication will make me gain weight?
/u/KlokWerkN [5'9" | 128 | 18.9 | -59 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 5 11:35:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d8vcc/am_i_supposed_to_just_accept_that_my_medication/
---
I have been having a really hard time lately. I am on a current combination that makes everything better except it makes me hungry all the time and I can't control my eating. So I either take my medication that makes me feel pretty good but it makes me gain weight or do I stop taking that medication, spend months possibly a year until I find a new combination that works while starving myself and give in to my ED.

Was doing so good
/u/ButDoYouHaveCookies
Created: Wed Sep 5 11:34:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d8v29/was_doing_so_good/
---
Sorry if format is weird also this is my first time posting here. I signed up for a 5k next month and promised myself not to binge eat and to eat almost at maintenance untill my race. Which has been really hard. Well today I had a test at school for welding and I was told I'd get a perfect score if my weld bent so after all the work I did It cracked and I got a zero so I stoped at a gas station on the way home and ate 4 chocolate brownies and a coke (hasn't had coke in forever) and now I hate myself.

Today I will fight the urge. [other]
/u/mynormalheart [5' 3" | CW: 155 | GW: 137 | UGW: 115| 25F]
Created: Wed Sep 5 11:33:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d8usw/today_i_will_fight_the_urge_other/
---

I will not binge on a whole bag of chicken nuggets.


I will not set my calories to an unsustainable amount.


I will not go on LoserTown to see how quickly I can get to 100lbs


I will not stand in the grocery store for unreasonable amounts of time staring at nutrition labels I’ve already memorized


I will not spend hours inputting food combinations into MyFitnessPal only to eat nothing


Yeah I know it’s gonna be hard and I’m gonna mess up. But I want to be different this time. I *want* to eat a reasonable amount of calories. I *want* to have the energy to exercise. I *want* to put an end to the restricting/binging cycles. I *want* to stop obsessing over food. I want control over my life and my weight again




Slimfast - Does it work?
/u/ladydaft
Created: Wed Sep 5 11:08:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d8m1g/slimfast_does_it_work/
---
Ive bought the slimfast meal replacement powder and have been having it the last few days with a normal dinner.

I think when i next go shopping ill be getting another tub and taking it more seriously cause I enjoy the taste.

Has anyone had any experience with Slimfast?

Lunch breaks
/u/snottygurl [5'2" |CW 108 | BMI 19.6 | UGW 100 | 24F]
Created: Wed Sep 5 11:08:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d8lqc/lunch_breaks/
---
What do you guys do when you have lunch breaks at work. I feel weird when I don’t have any food with me but I’m forced to take at least a 30 min lunch break every day...

Since it’s still warm out I can sit outside but when it gets colder I’m not sure where I can hide!!

[Intro] Well this is a story all about how my ed recovery turned upsidown
/u/handzies
Created: Wed Sep 5 10:51:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d8fke/well_this_is_a_story_all_about_how_my_ed_recovery/
---
I would like to take a minute just sit right there,
I'll tell you how I gained 20 pounds and never left my chair.

Hi everyone. I used to be a very active member here till I had some health issues and had to be put on a mess of supplements so I would stay kicking. I also had one comment in a popular thread that got a good bit of attention and I did not want to invite trolls into the garden.

I have had my ED for a very long time, on and off for 10 years about. Low weight was about 112 and high weight was about 172. I am now about 150 (typeing that makes me want to die). I did not intend to gain this much but somewhere in my recovery after I was no longer supervised I turned to fear eating. Aka bineging. 😥

My health issues did not actually occur at my low weight. I was about 120(a low healthy weight for my height) when I finally had to go to the doctor. I was severly anemic. Im talking 3% blood iron.

Now! I am healthy. But heavy. But I have an odd fear that I am still not eating enough and going to die. Because I feel like im not eating enough, I'm not working out. Because im not working out I'm depressed. Also, when I look in the mirror I am like "what the fuck handsie how could you do this to us, plz starve hoe"

Long story short, I am about to struggle through "healthy weight loss methods" friggin pray for me.




[Other] "Your dedication to health and fitness is inspiring"
/u/ISetMyGnomesOnFire
Created: Wed Sep 5 10:51:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d8fj2/your_dedication_to_health_and_fitness_is_inspiring/
---
\*sips second coke zero of the day\*

Me everytime I go to eat a cheeseburger
/u/holakitty123
Created: Wed Sep 5 10:47:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d8ecw/me_everytime_i_go_to_eat_a_cheeseburger/
---
Fuck it. My husband thinks I'm cute. Just be fat. Eat the cheeseburger. Enjoy the cheeseburger. Cheeseburger is life.

Me post cheeseburger: Fuck I'm fat. How do I live like this?

[Rant/Rave] Why do I keep gaining weight?
/u/snaafuuu [5'3| 185 | 34.41 | -19.7 | 22F]
Created: Wed Sep 5 10:39:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d8b4n/why_do_i_keep_gaining_weight/
---
I ask myself as I eat two family size bags of salt and vinegar chips in one sitting and washing it down with 2 full calorie Rockstars. Like, Hello?????????????? OBVIOUSLY THERES SOMETHING WRONG HERE?????? WHY AM I SURPRISED EVERY TIME I STEP ON THE SCALE???????

&#x200B;

Sorry guys I'm just super fucking annoyed at my shit tier self control.

How much do you think I weigh? (NSFW)
/u/throwaway86_443
Created: Wed Sep 5 10:37:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d8ai0/how_much_do_you_think_i_weigh_nsfw/
---
I’m just really curious what others think. Please be *completely* honest

I’m 5’6 btw. And I’ll probably delete this soon 🙃

https://imgur.com/a/1HXRivP

[Discussion] I drink coke zero and other "diet drinks" as if they were water. Is that bad?
/u/chrysanthemym [she/her // queer // fuckin' pear shaped]
Created: Wed Sep 5 10:36:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d8a9n/i_drink_coke_zero_and_other_diet_drinks_as_if/
---
Coke Zero is honestly what keeps me at 700 - 900 calories a day (I eventually want to eat less, but, baby steps, baby steps...). It's the lifesaver that keeps me from going on rampant binges and the drink that satisfies my sweet cravings. It's a godsend.

But, thing is, I drink it all day, every day, several times a day, (like maybe two to four 24oz bottles a day), and I don't drink water. Is that, well, bad?

In the past when I've attempted eating 700-900 calories a day and stuck with only water, seltzer water, coffee, and tea, I always ended up binging on sweet things, whereas, Coke Zero, Sprite Zero, Zero Vitamin Water, and Diet Tea keep me from binging and always helps me in hitting my low calorie goals.

So, what do you guys think? What's your relationship with diet drinks? Healthy? Unhealthy? Don't care?

[Discussion] Coke Zero, (and other diet drinks), are like a godsend. But, are they "healthy"?
/u/chrysanthemym [she/her // queer // fuckin' pear shaped]
Created: Wed Sep 5 10:35:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d89pz/coke_zero_and_other_diet_drinks_are_like_a/
---
Coke Zero is honestly what keeps me at 700 - 900 calories a day (I eventually want to eat less, but, baby steps, baby steps...). It's the lifesaver that keeps me from going on rampant binges and the drink that satisfies my sweet cravings. It's a godsend.

&#x200B;

But, thing is, I drink it all day, every day, several times a day, (like maybe two to four 24oz bottles a day), and I don't drink water. Is that, well, bad?

&#x200B;

In the past when I've attempted eating 700-900 calories a day and stuck with only water, seltzer water, coffee, and tea, I always ended up binging on sweet things, whereas, Coke Zero, Sprite Zero, Zero Vitamin Water, and Diet Tea keep me from binging and hitting my low calorie goals.

&#x200B;

So, what do you guys think? What's your relationship with diet drinks?

[Help] I finally don't feel hungry but it's at the worst possible time.
/u/PersonInTheBack
Created: Wed Sep 5 10:31:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d88gz/i_finally_dont_feel_hungry_but_its_at_the_worst/
---
I've been restricting pretty heavily for 3 weeks, since the first time I got weighed in a long time, keeping myself at 500-800 calories a day. I know I personally think that's great and that's exactly where I want to be. It may not be much, but I feel like it keeps me energized enough to get through the day and I'm finally breaking through a plateau I've been at all summer.

The problem is, my appetite is slowly disappearing. I'm eating less and less and I can't even manage to eat a meal of 250 calories. The reason this is becoming a problem is because I exercise a lot to get around campus (about 10,000-12,000 steps a day) and it's starting to take a toll on my mind and my body.

I failed a chemistry quiz after an accidental all-day fast simply because it was at the end of the day and my body just couldn't take any more. My brain was in such a fog I couldn't understand a single question.

I've always dreamed of reaching this point. Of eating very little and never missing it, but I can't be like this at the expense of my grades. I'm at school almost full-ride, on a scholarship I can't afford to lose.

I know this is a little weird to ask here, but I really need to know how to overcome the loss of appetite that comes with restricting at least enough to function. Does anybody have any experience with this issue?

[Rant/Rave] How does my weight keep going up when I’m eating below my TDEE?
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 95 | 17 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Wed Sep 5 10:22:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d855c/how_does_my_weight_keep_going_up_when_im_eating/
---
I only ate around 900 calories yesterday which seems high but my appetite has been through the roof lately - and I went to the gym for an hour. I was so sure I would wake up today and be back down to my weight from last week. Nope. Last week I was 94lbs and now today I just got on the scale and it says 100. Three digits. How does that make any sense??? I’m so hungry but I just want to curl into a ball and cry

[Rant/Rave] I have no idea what I look like and it constantly fucks with my head
/u/myrtlewils0n [5'5" | CW: 120lbs | BMI: 20 | UGW: 110 | 22F]
Created: Wed Sep 5 10:20:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d84s2/i_have_no_idea_what_i_look_like_and_it_constantly/
---
I have a job interview next Monday. Hurrah! This means I have to get something nice to make a good first impression. Uh....

So be me, in Macy’s. Go to the petit section. I grab a skirt in a 2 for shits and giggles, then a 4 and a 6 bc sometimes I fluctuate depending on the brand. Get into the dressing room. The 2 is baggy on me and the four is falling off my hips. The six i could pull up over my chest.

Wow! Maybe I shrunk? Go grab a size 2 in jeans — cannot pull them up over my thighs. Proceed to feel like a tube of sausage being pushed thru a garden hose. Sigh and put EVERYTHING back on the rack, even a cute dress that fit perfectly because it can’t POSSIBLY be a 2 I’m sure that’s just a misprint.

Walk around the mall aimlessly, don’t buy anything, waste an hour and a half and achieve nothing.

Bottom line: fuck vanity sizing. Fuck self image but also fuck vanity sizing. Everything should just written out in inches or cm and you should be able to buy clothes based off your real measurements and not an arbitrary “2” or “14” that at this point mean NOTHING.

(Can you tell this interview is stressing me some? Sorry.)

Thoughts on meal replacement/protein shakes ??
/u/lecollecteur
Created: Wed Sep 5 09:57:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d7w2x/thoughts_on_meal_replacementprotein_shakes/
---
Do they keep the hunger at bay? Do you feel the usual brain fog from restricting when drinking them ?? I’m really trying to focus on studying this year and I’m terrified of not being able to concentrate. Do you have any recommendations on the best kind of shakes ??

Thanks ! ❤️

Just binged and I feel like death
/u/nope707
Created: Wed Sep 5 09:56:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d7vzr/just_binged_and_i_feel_like_death/
---
I just binged and I'm freaking out. Will exercising today make me gain less or will it just be a waste of time and effort at this point?

The combination of new BMI and Asian BMI.
/u/bunnywithbpd [5"2 || 104]
Created: Wed Sep 5 09:43:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d7qy4/the_combination_of_new_bmi_and_asian_bmi/
---
puts me freaking 15 pounds less to be classified as overweight. Are you freaking kidding me. Let me just die and realize I was medically overweight for most of my life.
With old bmi and 25 bmi being overweight meant 135+ pounds for my height.
With Asian bmi of being overweight at 23 (Asians develop health risks at lower weight because we just have more fat percentage) and new bmi, my "medically overweight" minimum is 120. SERIOUSLY?!? I want to scream
//on mobile so rant

[Rant/Rave] Labor Day/Gordon
/u/lilith2569
Created: Wed Sep 5 09:17:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d7i0m/labor_daygordon/
---
It’s so irritating to have a holiday when you restrict. Macaroni, bacon, green bean casserole, honey ham, and rolls for Labor Day. It was like a mini thanksgiving. Oh and banana pudding, can’t forget that. So instead of being a strong, disciplined Ana worshipper, I basically said fuck it. And ate. Whatever I wanted, I ate it. And now I’m disgusting and fat and a stupid bitch. I have yet to be able to fast for 24 hours. I am going to try today. Again. But when your family is telling you “dinner is ready come to the table and eat” it’s hard to say no thanks without raising suspicion. If I can get home first I’ll say I ate and early dinner and all will be well.

[Discussion] Is this an ED thing?
/u/NovANDP [5'2' :cake: 150 lb :cake: 27.4 bmi :cake: Neutrois]
Created: Wed Sep 5 08:47:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d78eu/is_this_an_ed_thing/
---
Goes to the mall without buying anything. All the time. Either because I want to save my money for when I'm thin enough, or because I think I look too fat in everything. Relatable?

i really cant with myself
/u/sexsymboI [5'9 | CW: 156lbs | BMI: 23.4 | 18F]
Created: Wed Sep 5 08:30:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d72r3/i_really_cant_with_myself/
---
sat next to an older gentleman on public transport. my bigass thighs expanded in the seat of course, spilling over into his seat & he spent the whole bus ride trying to subtly pull away from my fat.

he's my african studies prof.

I’m such a pig but immmm so hungry.
/u/justaskthebear
Created: Wed Sep 5 08:20:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d6zmk/im_such_a_pig_but_immmm_so_hungry/
---
I am trying to do homework before my film theory class and I can’t even focus because I want to eat so bad. But I’m such a pig and I want to be lovely.

Encouragement needed pls... vacation nightmare!
/u/Anonymous_fiend [5'3 | CW:115lbs | HW:145 LW:83]
Created: Wed Sep 5 07:54:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d6rbt/encouragement_needed_pls_vacation_nightmare/
---
I just got back this morning redeye from a 10 day vacation where I hiked/swam/climbed mountains for 1+ hour every day. My left thigh even was sore for days after possibly hurting it from being so active. I skipped breakfast so I could have some beer at night. I didn't think I ate that much but there was no food scale or reliable internet. With my activity level (calculated by my bfs apple watch) I burned at least 400 extra calories than normal. I purged 3x when eating a normal meals/not binging towards the end of the trip (once on the plane even) after not purging in months. And yet I gained 2lbs. My bf said it could be from muscle since he lost 4+ lbs on this trip. Did I really pig out that badly? To gain I'd have to eat about 2500 which is pretty hard for me. At least I thought. Maybe it's water retention from all the salt, heat, and exercise? Or hormones and whoosh? I don't feel bloated like when I drink too much and haven't had severe constipation. Maybe I'm just a 🐖. Whelp there goes my cute school body plans for next week 😭

[Discussion] It's time for another 🍑 post ya'll
/u/BroItsJesus [🍑 ebirdy | 5'4 | CW ? | GW100 | 18F]
Created: Wed Sep 5 07:24:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d6ico/its_time_for_another_post_yall/
---
Comment your usernames below

&#x200B;

Ya girl goes by ebirdy, happy to add you guys

SKORTS are the BEST THING to wear!
/u/BadLifePLanner
Created: Wed Sep 5 06:44:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d66br/skorts_are_the_best_thing_to_wear/
---
I'm skinny and I have cute long legs that would be a shame not to show off. Now, I love me some short skirt, but god, it flies up, you can see, hm, under it (think stairs or all glass elevators lmao). I WILL WEAR TONS OF SKORTS FROM NOW ON. Just google skorts and take a peak at how cute (and short!) they are. Woohoo!

[Discussion] Before I’ve asked what triggered you lately, but what about the opposite? Has anything made you feel good or validated your ED behavior?
/u/sunnshine67 [5'4 vampire | CW 137.2 | 23.7 | -27.8 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 5 06:31:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d62ev/before_ive_asked_what_triggered_you_lately_but/
---
This guy that I’ve been friends with since my freshman year (I’m a senior) and I have started talking, after a year of losing touch after I started seeing my ex. Before he would have never looked at me in a sexual way but I’ve lost weight and I think we’re going to hook up really soon. Based on his history of partners and his own straight up admission, his type is skinny women and while we were flirting and talking about types he said “your skinny tbh”. I mean he’s def wrong, I’m not skinny I’m a normal BMI but the fact that he said it made me fucking ecstatic lol

[Rant/Rave] Vanity sizing at my college...
/u/skeletonsofawhale [5'2 | 140 🐳 | -45 | F]
Created: Wed Sep 5 06:16:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d5y79/vanity_sizing_at_my_college/
---
So my first day of college was yesterday, and I went to visit the bookstore to shop for clothes.

&#x200B;

At most stores, I fit into size M (US/Canada sizing).

At my college bookstore, I fucking fit into a size XS!?!?!?!?!? like how???? I'm still technically overweight for my height, thankfully not by much, but still.

I get that I'm only 5'2, but I saw a couple girls that must have been like 4'10 that were at a healthy weight, and \*countless\* girls that were super skinny at 5'4. If I fit into XS now, then what would I even be able to wear when I'm at my UGW?

&#x200B;

This is euphoric, confusing, and triggering all at once.

&#x200B;

Too bad all the sweaters cost $65 dollars each so I probably won't buy them anyways.

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! September 05, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Sep 5 06:11:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d5wpu/daily_food_diary_september_05_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for September 05, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)


[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday September 05, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Sep 5 06:11:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d5wjq/way_to_go_wednesday_september_05_2018/
---
This is the weekly achievement thread for September 05, 2018.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!

*****

Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)


[Discussion] What do you guys usually have for breakfast?
/u/httpram
Created: Wed Sep 5 06:05:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d5uz5/what_do_you_guys_usually_have_for_breakfast/
---
i always have eggs, but ive been looking to change it up recently.

[Discussion] Can we talk about what we like about our bodies
/u/audreyhepburnwho [25F | 5'8 | cw 159 | hw 196 | sw 172 | lw 150 | ugw 145]
Created: Wed Sep 5 05:47:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d5pza/can_we_talk_about_what_we_like_about_our_bodies/
---
I know there's been posts like this but, we spend so much time hating our bodies and talking about it here, what we wish we could change, what we're trying to change... Can everyone mention at least one thing they actually like? I'll start.

I like my face. It's puffy when I gain but at least when I'm thinner, i find it to be pretty. At least when i feel like shit about my body i can try to fix my hair and makeup and like how i look.


Now you.

[Goal] I’m doing my first ever fast today.
/u/notadolphin1823
Created: Wed Sep 5 04:22:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d54qg/im_doing_my_first_ever_fast_today/
---
I’m allowing myself broth when needed, calorie-free liquids, and coffee. I just want to make it 24 hours. Wish me luck.

Do any of y'all also constantly shop for korean/japanese fashion?
/u/taikutsuu [5'9'' | cw: 120, -32 | 17.2 bmi | gw: 110 | 18f]
Created: Wed Sep 5 04:21:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d54j6/do_any_of_yall_also_constantly_shop_for/
---
I have this whole bookmark file with all kinds of dresses and tops and stuff, their fashion is so.. stylish, and classy.. All the models in asian fashion are so dainty and slim and it just makes me wanna be them. Once I hit my fucking GW I'll buy all of that shit. I haven't bought any clothes for myself in years, I'm wearing my jeans from seventh grade again.

goal weight ahoi

[Help] Can someone please help me
/u/twa1238
Created: Wed Sep 5 04:16:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d53a6/can_someone_please_help_me/
---
please I need your help

I‘m at IKEA with two friends right now and I knew they would want to eat something and one of them always gets pissed when I don’t so I looked up the calories and figured a small dish with meatballs for 800 calories would be okay as my OMAD since I’m in a huge deficit anyway

but I just CANT its the worst and humiliating and I ate so slowly and it didn’t even taste good I just didn’t want to have it inside me

The whole dish (8 meatballs, huge ball of mashed potatoes, sauce) is 802 calories according to the website but I don’t believe it

I’m currently still sitting in front of my food while they’re getting dessert please can someone help me count the calories please please please

I ate 6!!!!!!!! of the meatballs and a spoonful of mashed potatoes but there was a little of the sauce on it- maybe a teaspoon, let’s say two.

I have to watch their stuff and can’t go to the bathroom to cry omg I’m so pathetic
My hands were literally shaking while eating I hate this

Bought 11 cans this morning, already drank 3
/u/acykq
Created: Wed Sep 5 03:08:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d4ooh/bought_11_cans_this_morning_already_drank_3/
---
https://i.redd.it/hkhe9imnydk11.jpg

[Help] What are the best laxatives from the grocery store?
/u/rayodelunalele
Created: Wed Sep 5 03:00:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d4n8b/what_are_the_best_laxatives_from_the_grocery_store/
---
Totally TMI but I’m backed up right now, and I really just want to clean my entire fucking colon out. 😂

[Discussion] It is time get sex with your local girls!-----xFUCSzSa
/u/maparrar
Created: Wed Sep 5 01:57:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d4a6p/it_is_time_get_sex_with_your_local_girlsxfucszsa/
---
http://t.support-ch.link/?iamlink??proED?2D8YC4FsMASumX=hgtlicWk1ioMdpR

[Discussion] Buddies?
/u/jazledisko
Created: Wed Sep 5 01:42:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d4783/buddies/
---
[removed]

[Rant/Rave] Attack of the binge.
/u/jazledisko
Created: Wed Sep 5 01:15:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d41q3/attack_of_the_binge/
---
So I'm in the midst of a ridiculous day-long binge... at work no less... i literally cannot stop eating today and I've pretty much consumed everything last thing i had at work plus about 100 pieces of gum, i don't know how my guts haven't exploded yet honestly.

But the worst of it is that i don't have time to leave the building during the day and the vending machine has like 2 things i can eat... neither are filling or THAT good.

Not that it even matters cause even filling stuff I'll just eat and eat and eat. Does anyone else binge on really wholesome food though or is it just me?? I swear id eat an entire tray of lasagne if the opportunity arose. Can't wait to go home and have left over veggie tacos then go the heck to sleep so i stop freaking eating 😫

When your husband walks out on you first thing in the morning... Guess this is mu breakfast,lunch and dinner today...
/u/glitchydowner
Created: Wed Sep 5 00:43:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d3uot/when_your_husband_walks_out_on_you_first_thing_in/
---
https://i.redd.it/kzuoksg29dk11.jpg

[Discussion] Do you get that satisfying feeling after eating?
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Wed Sep 5 00:29:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d3rre/do_you_get_that_satisfying_feeling_after_eating/
---
I dont. I tried to eat two meals in a row and i dont feel satisfied, just full. It seems like the feeling is gone? Whats going on?

Sleeping pill binge
/u/iron_blanket
Created: Tue Sep 4 23:59:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d3kyt/sleeping_pill_binge/
---
I took a sleeping pill last night at about 10 pm and I have this insane memory of me waking up around midnight and binging on like a loaf of plain bread, four bowls of cereal, all of the fruit in the house, all the icrcreams from tbe freezer. Pretty much anything I could shove directly in my face was gone.

I come downstairs this morning, and sure enough I've completely cleaned out all my food.

I hate sleeping pills so much because I feel they don't even leave me rested but I hadn't taken any for ages and I needed to get a good night sleep, so I thought why not.

Well now I now why. I feel like shit this morning from eating so much carbs and sugar. It's like I have the hangover from hell. Looks like I'm not going to be doing this again.

Does anyone else binge like crazy on sleeping pills?

[Rant/Rave] I can’t believe I’ve let myself get this fat. 5’4 // CW: 165lbs // GW: 130lbs // UGW: 115lbs // AGE: 18
/u/rayodelunalele
Created: Tue Sep 4 23:59:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d3kyq/i_cant_believe_ive_let_myself_get_this_fat_54_cw/
---
The past two years for me have been a crazy binge/restrict cycle. But lately I’ve been on a binge cycle that has lasted way too long. Since I was online schooled I just totally gave up on my appearance and let myself become such a huge lard ass. I was talking to a really attractive and perfect for me guy, first guy I’ve liked in years. He said he’s only ever dated skinny girls. He said it’s not because he prefers them it’s just because that’s who he’s dated. He also told me one of his friends (who is also my like acquaintance we’ve hung out before several times) called me fat but he didn’t think so. It just hurt so much to know that his friends were telling him that because even if he didn’t care about my size he had to think about it and know that other people think I’m fat. Oh the story gets better! We’d been talking for two weeks planning a date and then one day he just texted me saying he didn’t wanna talk anymore and it wasn’t gonna work out. I’m just so disgusted with myself right now. Not even just because of the above mentioned situations, just because I’ve let myself go. I used to be sexy and confident now I’m shy and a fucking whale. I have a fucked up relationship with food. It’s not for taste anymore. It’s for indulgence. Whenever I’m having a shitty day I plan a huge binge. This was okay, it used to be just comfort food when it was happening once a month or whatever. But it’s come to being every fucking week, 3-5 times a week. I need to cut the fucking bullshit and get back on my grind. I’m done being sloppy. I’m done being ugly. I’m done binging. I’m going back to restricting. I’m going back to no carbs. I’m going back to working my ass off everyday. I’m going back to being pretty and confident and doing whatever the fuck I want because I’m pretty and confident. I have no friends because I isolated myself because I was so embarrassed about my weight. I could really use some buddies (off all stats) to help me stay focused and motivated towards my goals. I’d love to make a group chat if any of you are interested? Please help guys at this rate I’ll be 200lbs by next summer, PLEASE help me help myself.

I’m gonna be doing a salt water flush tomorrow followed by an extended water fast for HOPEFULLY 21 days( I’ve got enough fat right not to be able to do that healthily because I’m overweight, I don’t suggest if you are already underweight!) DOES ANYBODY WANNA DO THIS WITH ME? I’M READY TO BE SKINNY AGAIN.

What's the safest way to prolong a fast?
/u/Kaynobii [5'3 | CW: 116 | GW: 105 | HW: 148 | 19F]
Created: Tue Sep 4 23:52:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d3jar/whats_the_safest_way_to_prolong_a_fast/
---
I would like to lose weight as fast as possible without reaching the point of passing out or getting so hungry I binge. Ideally I'd like to lose 10 pounds within two months. How many calories should I restrict? I'm considering a juice/smoothie fast.

[Help] Obsessed with food, finding alternatives?? Advice please
/u/justoliverflynn
Created: Tue Sep 4 23:40:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d3gnr/obsessed_with_food_finding_alternatives_advice/
---
My BED has been especially bad lately, but I think I’ve chalked it up to liking to have something in my mouth, so yes- gum, but I want to know other ideas as well.

I was thinking about like a pacifier just for when I’m alone obviously but I need some other ideas!!

[Help] how to calculate maintenance?
/u/problemproblem420 [5'6''| 124| 20 | 19F]
Created: Tue Sep 4 23:30:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d3ehv/how_to_calculate_maintenance/
---
how can i calculate the fewest calories needed to just maintain? is it really 1200? help

[Help] Night/post dinner hunger
/u/ihate-chicken
Created: Tue Sep 4 23:22:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d3cwg/nightpost_dinner_hunger/
---
I’ve recently been super hungry after dinner/at night and can’t seem but get rid of this feeling. It usually leads me to binge or at least snack which I hate doing so “late” at night.

Any thoughts on why this? Help?

Cereal sadness
/u/guesstimate217
Created: Tue Sep 4 23:13:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d3au6/cereal_sadness/
---
So this week I bought my favourite cereal growing up (honey flavoured weetbix bites) and decided to eat the same serving as a used to as a 13yo. Turns out I was eating 500 calories for breakfast every day hahahaha no wonder I was so fat. Cereal is so misleading 😢

[Other] How bad is a birthday binge?
/u/elevenbravo274 [5'7 | 114 | 17.8 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 4 22:56:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d3709/how_bad_is_a_birthday_binge/
---
My birthday is on Sunday and I think I’ll treat myself that day. This is stupid but how bad of an effect will it have if I eat:

-calorically dense breakfast like French toast or eggs Benedict
-a cheeseburger or steak and fries for dinner
-two scoops of ice cream

I feel like I sound shallow but this is really stressing me out and any insight is appreciated. I also am planning on going to the gym between breakfast and dinner. Thanks!

[Help] Just got a positive pregnancy test
/u/LumosMegan
Created: Tue Sep 4 22:46:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d351b/just_got_a_positive_pregnancy_test/
---
I’m kind of freaking out. It isn’t a bad thing. I have two little girls. But I hate myself because I’ve lost ten lbs purging and restricting since July and now all I can think about is how I’m going to gain weight and not be able to lose anymore. I’ve worked so hard. I am purging like 5 times a day. Now what the hell do I do? Treatment, I guess. Because I have to or else I’ll miscarry, and I have a history of recurrent miscarriages.

Like seriously what kind of selfish monster am I that all I can think about is myself and my body

[Rant/Rave] I got a massage tonight and it helped me quite a bit mentally
/u/button_eyed_coraline [5'4" | 165 | 28.3 | -75 | Female]
Created: Tue Sep 4 22:25:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d3058/i_got_a_massage_tonight_and_it_helped_me_quite_a/
---
I have this friend, I’ve known her almost a decade. She’s a retired massage therapist and basically only massages my husband and me at this point. She comes to our house and sets up in a room, plays soft music and dims the lights. It’s fantastic. I’d give her half my budget to come more often.

As she was massaging me tonight, I had this strange epiphany: she has been massaging me for nearly 10 years. Whether I was thinner, heavier, pregnant, or injured, I’ve been baring it all for this woman and she touches me with tender kindness every time. She finds all the hidden places where I keep my pain and my anxiety and soothes them, if only for a brief time.

I wish I could see myself through her eyes. I wish I knew what she sees when I’m laying on the table. But most of all, I wish I could be as kind to my body as she has been all these years. This train of thought caused me to start crying silently as she massaged my head and face. She wiped my tears without a word and kept going.

That’s all. I just wanted to share that somewhere and this felt like the right place. I’m a limp noodle now and I’m going to bed. Tomorrow may not be any easier for me but I have a feeling that I’ll sleep well tonight all the same.

Meal prep!
/u/plaidbluejammies
Created: Tue Sep 4 21:41:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d2q5u/meal_prep/
---
https://i.redd.it/zjx8m12mcck11.jpg

Okay not sure if this will kill me guys.
/u/SkinnyisSexy [5'7.6 |128.4|gw115|19.6| F]
Created: Tue Sep 4 21:31:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d2nns/okay_not_sure_if_this_will_kill_me_guys/
---
I've almost completely replaced water with powerade zero. I drink two of the huge bottles a day. Am i going to die? XD No, but really is this terrible for me?

[Tip] People to Follow on Insta??
/u/versperalaxis
Created: Tue Sep 4 21:18:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d2kc9/people_to_follow_on_insta/
---
weight loss goals, basically. preferably ED accounts. looking for motivation rn.

[Discussion] Anyone else aiming to lose muscle?
/u/ketokitty13
Created: Tue Sep 4 21:18:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d2k5y/anyone_else_aiming_to_lose_muscle/
---
Title pretty much says it all! I’m curious. If so, how are you going about it?

I was lifting for over a year, but gained weight a few months ago, so now I look bulky and I just want EVERYTHING off. Prior to weight lifting, I used to be so skinny :(

How much do you think I weigh? [NSFW]
/u/throwaway86_443
Created: Tue Sep 4 20:58:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d2esq/how_much_do_you_think_i_weigh_nsfw/
---
Please be *completely* honest. I’m just really curious what other people think.

I’m 5’6 btw. And I’ll probably delete this soon!!

https://imgur.com/a/1HXRivP


[Help] I want to quit therapy...
/u/bmalaur [5'4" | 24F | HW: 127 | CW: 103 | LW: 85]
Created: Tue Sep 4 20:51:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d2coi/i_want_to_quit_therapy/
---
Every session I'm like "So I don't think I'm really getting anything else out of this and it's really expensive and my weight is stable" and then they somehow guilt me into continuing? I've been doing this for a year. I'm not doing "great" but I'm like relatively stable all things considered and am doing OK at maintaining.

How do I just fucking quit??? It's outpatient fyi.

[Other] To everyone vowing September to be a binge free month
/u/Just-Another-Mom [5'8" | 143.4 | 21.7 | 41.6lbs | F]
Created: Tue Sep 4 20:47:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d2bfp/to_everyone_vowing_september_to_be_a_binge_free/
---
I failed this weekend. I really wanted to have an incredible month with you all, but I failed you more than once in the span of 2 days.

I’m sorry.

Those of you going strong, keep going. Much love to everyone.

[Rant/Rave] my entire thought process while shovelling pasta into my mouth
/u/throwingaweight [🌸5’7” | CW:129 | BMI:20 | GW:120🌸]
Created: Tue Sep 4 20:33:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d27rk/my_entire_thought_process_while_shovelling_pasta/
---
“you are bingeing. you are bingeing. you are bingeing”

i can feel myself thinking it, i can feel my stomach protesting, but i just have to finish this bowl, then i’ll be done i swear

At the beginning of July I couldn't even run a mile, now I'm at a 10 minute mile! 😀
/u/Bisexuwhale21
Created: Tue Sep 4 20:19:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d2437/at_the_beginning_of_july_i_couldnt_even_run_a/
---
https://imgur.com/n1jhgHV.jpg

[Rant/Rave] The recent discovery of my ED. I dont know how to move forward.
/u/halfblueshirt
Created: Tue Sep 4 20:11:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d226r/the_recent_discovery_of_my_ed_i_dont_know_how_to/
---
I (24 F) was a competitive gymnast growing up and was always in pretty good shape. About 2 years ago I realized that eating like trash and binge drinking didnt agree with my body so I made an effort to change. It started with small changes, like choosing sweet potato fries over normal fries or ordering chicken grilled instead of fried. In addition to healthier food choices, I got back into my hobby of bouldering. The weight started to come off and I was feeling more confident again. I noticed that the less I weighed, the better I could climb. The more weight I lost, the more "health conscious" (neurotic) I became. I would weigh out my food and check the calories of everything. I developed the weirdest habits of taking small bites of food or spitting out food if it didnt feel worth it. I was climbing 5-6 times a week and was hungry ALL the time. I stopped losing weight because I would restrict too closely then binge and regain any lost weight. I was stuck in a cycle. I recognized this cycle and I was going to change. I was going to break it. I started crossfit. I was already strong so it seemed like the perfect extra activity to add. Some gymnastics, some cardio, a bit of weightlifting. **que horrible idea lightbulb** I got bulky. I dont like looking so damn strong but the workouts were too much fun, I didnt want to stop going. So what did I do? I tried to cut weight again. I got down to my lowest body fat percentage. You could see my abs. I still looked too strong but I didnt have any fluff. I was climbing better than I ever have. I wasnt happy with my body but it was the closest I've been to being happy with my appearance. Ever. Who wants to guess what happens next? I started getting dizzy while bouldering and at workouts and eventually I started over eating again. I couldn't stop binging. I still cant. My body is on overdrive. I've gained 6 pounds in 2 weeks. I look in the mirror and feel disgusted with my body.

Then the other night my ex told me I had an eating disorder. I cried immediately because I always knew something was wrong but I had never heard it out loud. He was concerned and understanding. For once it felt like someone was on my side. Until I find out that he has told our entire friend group that I openly admitted to having an eating disorder. He told everyone. Why would anyone do that? I already feel so isolated and now I want nothing more than to not face them.

Well there is one thing I want more than perpetual isolation: to stop binging.

TLDR: too much exercise + not enough food= eventual binging. I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that I have an eating disorder. I did not have the opportunity to share it with any close friends because my ex beat me to the punch. I feel disgusting and I don't know how to move forward from here.

Afraid of taking medication because of weight gain side effect
/u/mabver321 [5'1 | CW 143 | GW 108| F]
Created: Tue Sep 4 20:01:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d1z46/afraid_of_taking_medication_because_of_weight/
---
So im currently taking latuda and ive noticed that the side effect of many medications or antidepressants like this one is a ton of weight gain so ive been too afraid to take it

someone compared me to jonah hill
/u/DavidMitchellTurtle [5'8" | M/17 | CW 192lbs | GW 115 | BMI 28.8 | Lost 68]
Created: Tue Sep 4 19:58:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d1yg4/someone_compared_me_to_jonah_hill/
---
no offense to jonah hill, but i'm gonna go starve myself for ten years

The most weight you've lost in a short amount of time?
/u/awildEDhasappeared
Created: Tue Sep 4 19:56:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d1xx7/the_most_weight_youve_lost_in_a_short_amount_of/
---
Honestly curious, I'm a fucking fat shit right now at 5'7 and 160 pounds because BINGEBINGEBINGEBINGEBINGE for months and I want this shit to fall off right now. I'm restricting to 900 calories a day to get back into the swing of things before I cut more. I need to be 120 pounds fucking yesterday. I've done fast weight loss before and I can do it again, wish me luck.

Also post inspiration if you ever managed to lose super speed

[Discussion] DAE eat coffee beans?
/u/tifaloch
Created: Tue Sep 4 19:48:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d1vsn/dae_eat_coffee_beans/
---
they’re crunchy, have caffeine... you can buy flavored kind, so it’s kind of desserty.

also, they have such an unpleasant texture after you chew them (gritty), that i end up feeling disgustingly full, even if i’m not, for hours.

not to mention, laxative side effect. 😏

[Help] How to combat fasting mania?
/u/poetsandscientists
Created: Tue Sep 4 19:38:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d1t98/how_to_combat_fasting_mania/
---
Title says it all. Every time I restrict my calories I lot I have an insane amount of energy and literally can’t focus/sleep/anything. I do drink a lot of caffeine but u can pry my Diet Coke out of my cold dead hands lol. Anyone have any good tips????

[Tip] here's a tip: taco bell is nothing to be afraid of
/u/duskedfur [5'7"|CW: 107|16.7|UGW: 100|F]
Created: Tue Sep 4 19:29:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d1qub/heres_a_tip_taco_bell_is_nothing_to_be_afraid_of/
---
fresco style is the bomb! a fresco soft taco is 140 cals, a side of black beans is 80, a side of seasoned rice is 120, the chips and pico de gallo are 170, a fuckin nacho cheese doritos locos taco is only 160 y'all. their sauce packets are 0 cals. if your friends want fast food you could order 3 fresco style beef soft tacos and be under 500 cals, get a giant diet soda, you appear normal! i've had so many taco bell OMADs while low restricting it's incredible. just letting all of u that have sworn off fast food forever kno that [taco bell has ur back](https://www.tacobell.com/how-to-eat-fewer-calories)

[Rant/Rave] It’s not a big deal, but it’s a big deal.
/u/drowing_dancer
Created: Tue Sep 4 19:26:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d1q5s/its_not_a_big_deal_but_its_a_big_deal/
---
I desperately needed legitimate groceries and I decided to go to the grocery after work. I thought about low cal meals and planned while I was shopping because my weight is shit at the moment. All of a sudden, all of my urges to buy food to purge on later came up for me (lol). I started putting my usual binge foods in my cart and then I thought about it for a second and how miserable I’ve felt during this bulimic phase of my EDs. AND I PUT IT ALL BACK AND LEFT WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT. I know it’s not a huge deal, but it felt good to say no to that finally.

56 hours into a fast and nothing seems worth breaking it. But if I keep going I'll end up binging...
/u/xerox13ster [5'7" | 258 | Goal: 250 | 40.9 | 30 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 4 19:22:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d1p5e/56_hours_into_a_fast_and_nothing_seems_worth/
---
I've gone over all my options, I really should break this fast, but my appetite is nil and nothing sounds good. Like starting eating again is gonna be a thing now, it's gonna lead to me losing control as it always does.

I'm afraid to eat too much of anything, because calories, and anything that's not too high in calories doesn't seem worth shooting myself in the foot for. Even broth is a fear food right now and I don't know what to do with myself.

[Rant/Rave] "Enjoying" food
/u/Xelaalba [165cm | CW52.4kg | 19.2 | GW 50kg | F]
Created: Tue Sep 4 19:20:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d1oe6/enjoying_food/
---
**I just want to get this off my chest - feel free to ignore as it's going to be a long post.**

I've been thinking lately... I don't have a favourite food anymore because of my ED. Not because there's so many amazing things to eat out there that I couldn't possibly choose, but I literally couldn't pick out something I "love". I used to live to eat but now I eat to live. Not only that but the idea of having a favourite just makes me feel so guilty, as if for some reason enjoying food and wanting to eat certain things makes me a greedy, fat, cow. It's frustrating. I mean.. it's not the end of the world that I don't have a favourite but it seems a little bit sad to me now. The fact that I would really enjoy a slice of pie or a doughnut doesn't make me fat. Having cravings and favourites don't make me fat, they make me *human*. Why is this illness so fucking illogical. We can't exist on air, so why is even just thinking about delicious things so sinful to me now??

I used to love cooking and trying new things and got really excited about food, but years of relapses and being too poor and stressed as a college student just killed it for me. I used to spend hours finding recipes, saving them and actually TRYING THEM but now I just think, "what's the point if I'm just gonna eat it, spend money on it and then feel shit about myself". If i make something that sounds good, I'll have to actually eat it and deal with the mental consequences, and that outweighs the excitement I used to feel. Yes I want my food to taste good, but it has to be safe, vegan, not too much, and not interesting by anyone's standards. I'll feel guilty for merely *considering* food that I want purely for enjoyment, not for sustenance. OOOF.

I've just been comparing my thoughts on food with those of my friends lately and it seems like another world.. my boyfriend doesn't believe in not eating at certain times just because it's too late/too early to eat, he eats when he's hungry and has told me he has never even considered relating body image to food. Imagine!!!! When he eats, he doesn't think about how it could affect how his body looks, he just enjoys the food and appreciates that he will have more energy after eating. I'd kill for that mentality. He straight up doesn't think about food, to the point of forgetting to eat. This in turn makes me feel worse about myself - "wow fatty, you're thinking about what to have for dinner when he will probably forget to eat until 9-10pm?"

It feels like such a waste of energy now, to obsess over the impact of say a COOKIE, on my life - it's just a cookie, why can't i just fucking eat it and forget about it!!! I once watched my bf sit and eat a whole bag of mini brioches without a care in the world, while I debated having one for the entire time and ended up not having anything. Ugh.

Essay over, it's bedtime. Feels good to just write this stuff down, even if nobody reads it, and if you did: thanks, random human <3

&#x200B;

&#x200B;

I’m just pumped about all the good diet drinks I got today!
/u/robreinerismydad
Created: Tue Sep 4 19:19:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d1o3v/im_just_pumped_about_all_the_good_diet_drinks_i/
---
Grocery shopping rocked. I picked up Vanilla Coke Zero, diet squirt, diet iced tea, sparkling water, and tried a Monster Zero for the first time! The monster really surprised me—it was tasty! I actually really enjoyed it. It felt like a fairly successful trip.

[Discussion] anyone else get really fuckin sad in grocery stores?
/u/itsyaboifranzi
Created: Tue Sep 4 19:04:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d1kh4/anyone_else_get_really_fuckin_sad_in_grocery/
---
i was just in a grocery store and it made me feel so sad knowing i'll never get to eat any of it. the bakery was the worst part. i'm in the middle of a 2 day fast and now i just crave bananas and oreos. fuck this. why does everything have so many fucking calories

Can’t stop binging. Want desperately to be back on restriction.
/u/Emorito [5'3 |CW: 109 |-36 | 22F]
Created: Tue Sep 4 18:46:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d1fiu/cant_stop_binging_want_desperately_to_be_back_on/
---
So I’ve been binging the past few days without purging and I just want this shit to stop. My gag reflex is shot right now so I can’t throw up but I also can’t stop purging either. I tried getting back to restricting today but then I just kept going and going and going when I tried to finally do OMAD at 8:30 pm.... fuck. What should I do :( I just want to be back on my restriction cycle but it feels so impossible Rn. I feel worthless as I am at this weight.

[Discussion] DAE take showers in the dark
/u/sstephenn [Recovering 5'10 | 126.2/57.2 | 18.1 | -60/27.2 | Male ]
Created: Tue Sep 4 18:35:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d1co5/dae_take_showers_in_the_dark/
---
I did today and it was very nice I’m not scared of the dark well not the darkness that’s in my bathroom anyways but I organize my soaps so I know where to grab them from 😎 and u don’t rlly see ur body but like a silhouette if there’s light coming from under ur bathroom door so it’s kinda aesthetically pleasing

[Rant/Rave] Dreamed up a binge
/u/StarburnerRav [5' 10" |Trumps salary in lbs | -40 lbs | Male]
Created: Tue Sep 4 18:18:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d1878/dreamed_up_a_binge/
---
I have an important trip I'm taking in a month so I've been restricting like crazy and working out. I haven't been sleeping well at all and I was finally able to pass out for a few hours after 2.5 days of no sleep. I dreamt up this super elaborate plot and a large portion of it was dream me having the binge of a lifetime. Dream-me was loving it and then I woke up and real-me was extra upset that I fallen off the wagon. Except I hadn't fallen off the wagon. I stayed cranky for like 4 hours because 'damn me for eating that bean dip what is wrong with me?' BUT THERE WAS NO FREAKING BEAN DIP. If I'm going to feel like garbage about myself I should at least get bean dip.

[Discussion] Vision going black/blotchy
/u/DisguisedAsMe [5'3" | 115 lbs | BMI: 20.93| -13.7 | 21F]
Created: Tue Sep 4 18:10:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d15u2/vision_going_blackblotchy/
---
I have been restricting and had to leave my sports practice early today cuz my vision started to go black and I felt like I was going to pass out. Any tips for handling this?

[TW?] What do you guys think of the hypothetical connection between EDs and sexual abuse?
/u/MiauMiau1919
Created: Tue Sep 4 17:49:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d10hp/tw_what_do_you_guys_think_of_the_hypothetical/
---
I found some studies that suggest a correlation between bulimia and being a victim of (childhood) sexual abuse, others that seem to cast doubt on that. What do you guys think?

[Intro] I'm new
/u/sellie41434
Created: Tue Sep 4 17:31:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d0vqm/im_new/
---
Hi everyone, I'm new here (I've had ednos for about two years but I just now found out about the community on reddit). I'm 5"1' 16 girl my SW was 140, my CW is 130.8 my CGW is 120 and my UGW is 98. I just wanted to say hi!

[Rant/Rave] Completed my very first >20 hr fast!
/u/yungelectric [5'7 | CW: 132| HW: 202 | 23F]
Created: Tue Sep 4 16:39:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d0hc1/completed_my_very_first_20_hr_fast/
---
I made it to 40:34 hours y’all! I know it’s probably not that big of a deal, but I’ve been doing 18:6 IF since January and have always been weirdly scared of doing a 24 hour fast. Until now my longest was 22 hours, but I finally managed to push myself further than I had even planned for

No wonder people fast all the time lmao, what an easy way to drop extra weight on top of regular old restriction

Odd request for winter coat recs from my UK ladies
/u/isdrunknskinnyathing [5'2" | CW 102 | GW 95 | the floor is calories]
Created: Tue Sep 4 16:34:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d0fuy/odd_request_for_winter_coat_recs_from_my_uk_ladies/
---
I know this is not *totally* related to EDs but it kinda is. Cause you get really fuckin cold when you haven't eaten anything all day. I'm about to move up country for uni and I need a really good winter coat to keep me warm this winter because I know my weight is going to drop like a sack of yesterdays potatoes once I have autonomous control over my eating habits in student accommodation. Plus I drive a moped so that makes my life 10x colder. So if any of you lovely UK ladies (which I have noticed, there are quite a few of us here) have a bomb-ass winter coat that they want to try and claim advertising money for, please let me know. Every winter it's as if I have to choose between eating and being a comfortable temperature (guess which ones wins hahaaaaaa kill me). I just wanna be cosy.

&#x200B;

Please delete this if its not allowed, I'm a little drunk and have an irrational fear of the cold

I’m so alonei
/u/lasirenexx [5'4" | CW: 104.5 | BMI: 17.9 | GW: 99.5 | 29F]
Created: Tue Sep 4 16:31:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d0f42/im_so_alonei/
---
I’m such a fucking baby because I’m 3 pounds up from my adult LW where I modeled and felt beautiful and LIKED MY BODY but now I feel like a gross pig and of course my dumbass is drinking cheap wine and binging because my husband is out of town and my reflection horrifies me... my face is even more horrifying than this run on sentence. Why does the slightest gain effect my face so much? I feel so ugly; it’s one thing to hate my body, but now I despise my face which I actually loved at times! I feel like a worthless pig and I’m so alone and it’s all my fault and I’ll probably delete this rant but I just need some human acknowledgement. I’m in so much pain. Please help me before I cut... I’m going to drink more horrible wine

[Help] Should I b/p tonight
/u/facesonplaces
Created: Tue Sep 4 16:25:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d0deq/should_i_bp_tonight/
---
Or should I try not to? Regardless I’ll end up eating over my limit cause im a fucking pig. I hate myself. Anyone else stuck in the cycle?

I should be thin by now [Rant]
/u/xz8362614455921r [5'2.5" | CW: 109lbs | GW: 84lbs | 26y/o]
Created: Tue Sep 4 16:01:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9d06l3/i_should_be_thin_by_now_rant/
---
On mobile, so apologies for bad formatting and/or typos!!!

Dear lord, I went from binge-eating nightly to OMAD ~700 or less (that's a lot, I know, but am easing back into actual restriction), and I still!!! Cannot lose weight!!!!

Sorry for the lame post, I'm just frustrated by my lack of progress. Obv the answer is restricting more and, most importantly, finding distractions, but I'm just.....shocked that cutting my intake hasn't worked as well as it used to :/

Genius Foods
/u/strawstring [5'10 | CW 155 | GW 140 | 21F]
Created: Tue Sep 4 15:30:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9czxi9/genius_foods/
---
So I'm in a sort of pseudo-recovery type mode right now, making active moves to primarily stop purging but also to stop fasting unreasonably and lose the last 15lbs ~healthfully~ and all (but still kinda low restricting). One of my biggest issues is that I love how I feel when I'm "empty" and hate feeling food in me, even if it's just a ton of raw veggies that I know won't make me gain or anything. I think this might also be the case for some of you guys, and if it is I recommend reading Genius Foods by Max Lugavere. I initially bought it because the primary focus of the style of eating he recommends is to help the brain - things like preventing dementia and alzheimer's and boosting neuroplasticity which can also help depression, anxiety, etc. I have a huge fear of (for lack of better wording lol) losing my mind through mental illness or early onset dementia or any loss of memory/function. It initially freaked me out because healthy fats are given a huge emphasis, and obviously things like nuts and egg yolks are calorically dense and scary and I usually avoid olive oil like the plague, BUT I've found a lot of unexpected upsides:

1. Eating healthy fats keeps me much more focused than anything else
2. My stomach is not as full feeling after I have a meal since I've been eating things with smaller volume and the same calorie count, so I can continue on with my day and not feel pregnant
3. It gives me peace of mind knowing that the things I'm eating are directly affecting my brain in a beneficial way
4. Instead of not eating processed carbs and sugar because "it will make me fat" I've mentally switched to "that will affect the chemicals in my body and cause direct harm to brain function" (this is also a better excuse to say no when someone offers you processed foods - people don't argue when you hit them with a "i'm preventing dementia")

Everything he claims is backed by soooo many studies and pure evidence, the specific biochemical pathways that occur are explained, and there is even a lose meal plan and recipes at the end. There's also a lot of ways to find alternatives to the nutrients in meat/eggs that are recommended if you're plant based because he lays out exactly what in the foods is good and where else you can get them.

The book really really helped me with a bit of peace of mind so I thought maybe it could help someone else too!

Anyone want to fast with me?
/u/conuretrash
Created: Tue Sep 4 15:11:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9czrt1/anyone_want_to_fast_with_me/
---
Hey y’all. I binged 1,280 calories today so I’ve decided I’m not eating until Saturday. Anyone wish to join? Maybe we can make a group chat lol. I need help being held accountable, my longest fast was 51 hours. It’s so much easier to just not eat than to eat at a deficit.

[Rant/Rave] The perfect day is upon me
/u/PainlessMe [17F | 1.75 | CW: 58 | GW: 50 | SW: 70.1]
Created: Tue Sep 4 15:07:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9czqpi/the_perfect_day_is_upon_me/
---
Tomorrow is like literally the perfect fasting day for me, and I haven’t fasted in a while so I’m very excited and wanted to share.

For starters, my school starts quite late, so I wake up when my mum is already gone for work. Skipping breakfast? Check.

When I’m at school I usually only drink Coke Zero and my friends don’t seem to notice, which I really don’t mind. Skipping lunch? Check.

Lastly, I have a movie thing at 18:00 so I already told my parents I’m eating with a friend beforehand and I told her I’m eating at home. Skipping dinner? Check.

Now all I have to do is remember to bring my water bottle, and remember to stay away from snacks. So I think this is quite easily achievable.

God, I love planning so much.

I wore the (previously too-small) shirt my friends got me for Christmas!
/u/SlutForGarrus [5’6”|CW:148|HW:240lbs|GW1:130|GW2:118|F]
Created: Tue Sep 4 14:55:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9czmp8/i_wore_the_previously_toosmall_shirt_my_friends/
---
As the title says. It sat in my closet all this time. I only see them a couple of times per year and had gained a few pounds last fall, so the juniors medium they picked was too snug (which I was in denial about initially and then just didn’t want to say anything to them about it). But we had them over for dinner the other night and I wore the shirt they bought me and it fit perfectly! (And one of them called me “boney” when he hugged me. Hehehe.

[Rant/Rave] back back again
/u/northernmountaingirl [5'3" | recovery/relapsing | 23f]
Created: Tue Sep 4 14:51:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9czlq6/back_back_again/
---
welllll, looks like my disordered ass is back in business!

&#x200B;

in january of this last year, i finally started to recover. i've gained about 15lbs, my waist is 2 inches bigger, clothes that used to be ridiculously big on me fit again. i deleted all my calorie tracking apps AND made it through a totally heartbreaking breakup without relapsing. and it's just.......not working??? i can feel myself relapsing and i don't have \*any\* desire to stop it. it's cool to see new users on here and familiar usernames too! this community is so welcoming and supportive. it's good to be back.

[Discussion] Has anyone tried XLS Medical supplements ??
/u/lecollecteur
Created: Tue Sep 4 14:49:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9czkwu/has_anyone_tried_xls_medical_supplements/
---
Did they work? What was your experience with them?
Have you tried any other weight loss supplements or aids that really worked?

[Discussion] DAE cries listening to The Carpenters?
/u/subarremos [5'3 | CW: 103 | GW: 88]
Created: Tue Sep 4 14:42:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cziyb/dae_cries_listening_to_the_carpenters/
---
Goodbye to love is so sad and the fact that she died of anorexia makes everything more sad.

I feel like a creep.
/u/Slice_n_diced
Created: Tue Sep 4 14:27:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cze8q/i_feel_like_a_creep/
---
I work at a highschool guys, so all day I'm surrounded by skinny teenage girls and I feel like I'm ALWAYS checking them out. They're such a source of thinspo for me. I love looking at their legs and arms and wrists and guessing how much they weight and wishing I could look so small and dainty like they do.

I also am a little delighted when I notice one of them has gained weight lmao.

I feel like a creepy asshole and I need to Stop.

I think I woodshed? 7.6lbs since Saturday
/u/schwarz-loch
Created: Tue Sep 4 14:11:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cz99i/i_think_i_woodshed_76lbs_since_saturday/
---
https://i.redd.it/vkrkt26c4ak11.jpg

Felt like this might belong here tbh
/u/SpacePrinxePhoenix
Created: Tue Sep 4 14:10:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cz8y9/felt_like_this_might_belong_here_tbh/
---
https://i.redd.it/ciual8wa3ak11.jpg

[Tip] A flower a day.
/u/audreyhepburnwho [25F | 5'8 | cw 159 | hw 196 | sw 172 | lw 150 | ugw 145]
Created: Tue Sep 4 13:53:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cz370/a_flower_a_day/
---
Ok so, where my September Goals peeps at? I know a lot of us have specific plans set out for this month, a lot of us having come from a rather shitty August. A lot of us are doing No Binge September. I have a few other rules for this month but that's the most specific daily one. No bingeing. So i came up with a way to keep track of it. It's kind of like when you check a day off the calendar and watch the streak grow longer, but, better. I'm buying myself one of my favorite flowers for every successful day. It's a way to reward myself with something non food related, it's something i can look forward to because i love having these flowers. I don't have to go to the flower shop every day, but then when i do ill buy as many flowers as I'm allowed, not more. And yes, they'll eventually start dying so it's not like I'll have 30 flowers at the end of the month but that's just kinda extra motivation to keep going, otherwise I'll end up with zero flowers again. Seeing as many of them as possible in my apartment will give me joy. Obviously this won't mean the same for everyone but mayne you can think of something else? Another idea i had was making a cute origami for each day and taping it to the wall as decoration. I like this better than keeping a chain calendar because if i do break the chain eventually it'll be hard to feel like I'm restarting from day 1. If i do have a bad day and don't buy a flower for that day, I can easily get back on track the next day. Hopefully that won't.happen though. I have 3 flowers so far.

[Rant/Rave] finally got down to 105 lbs!!
/u/itsyaboifranzi
Created: Tue Sep 4 13:51:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cz2s9/finally_got_down_to_105_lbs/
---
ive been stuck at 106-7for two or so months (tbf last month i was binging mostly but still) and today when i weighed myself it read 105.6. i havent had a single calorie today (so far, its only 4pm) and i'm so fucking hungry but that just motivated me to keep going and not have any more calories today. now i'm 10 lbs from my first goal and im so hyped!!

Starting school again means eating like an idiot, apparently!
/u/rawtruism [5'2 | cw: 100.5 lbs | gw: 88 lbs]
Created: Tue Sep 4 13:44:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cz0gm/starting_school_again_means_eating_like_an_idiot/
---
Ugh. Blegh. I have seriously been eating SO HORRIBLY for the past three weeks. Starting school really was tough. I can't stop eating, but I don't have the energy for cooking, especially since when I actually do cook, I don't have the energy to clean up again, so my kitchen is fucking disgusting right now. But anyhow, I don't have the energy, so I eat snacks or order food, or make something simple that's still fucking disgusting.

I need to get out of this horrible cycle !!! Does anyone have any advice? I need to just. stick to eating fruit or something.

[Rant/Rave] Found a private purge spot and now I feel sneaky
/u/7M7j7KGMM8uuwNnW [5'3" | CW 153 | GW 120 | BMI 27 | -14 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 4 13:41:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cyzpw/found_a_private_purge_spot_and_now_i_feel_sneaky/
---
My company is on the edge of town and encourages office employees to take outside walks every day. I take full advantage for the sake of my weight loss and my mental health.

I gave into hunger and quit my fast after 20 hours, the food I ate (not my usual safe food) made me queasy and I hated how it felt in my stomach.

The multi-stall employee bathrooms are gross, plus traffic in and out makes it less than ideal for purging.

Out on my walk I realized there’s a small hill behind our building out of sight. I purged in peace and it’s my new secret spot!

I hope you all are so fortunate to have a purge spot that isn’t a disgusting public bathroom!

[Rant/Rave] suddenly lost the mojo
/u/smallpaint [6'2" | god help me | M]
Created: Tue Sep 4 13:22:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cytr8/suddenly_lost_the_mojo/
---
I was doing great for August, and then three days after being back at uni I binged & am barely holding it back today. How do I get my momentum back before I spend another year wallowing in the binge/restrict cycle?

[Goal] If you're starting school in a body that's not your goal body:
/u/bunnyalert [62'' (167cm) | 164lbs (74kg) | F? :illuminati:]
Created: Tue Sep 4 13:20:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cyt9z/if_youre_starting_school_in_a_body_thats_not_your/
---
I'm with you and I wanted to give you the same pep talk I just gave myself to get me out of bed.

It sucks to be on the other side of summer without achieving what you wanted, but whatever progress you made is still progress. And if you didn't make any progress and are starting today, you'll be much closer to your goal in two months. Tomorrow, you will have wished you started today. You're going to be okay, just start working towards that goal in any little way you can.

The marking period / semester / trimester will be over before you know it and you have a chance to start the new calendar year off in a better body. Imagine yourself in January, proud of everything you accomplished this fall and proud to show off your figure in cute new clothes for the new season.

I love you and I believe in you! And good luck with school!

Losing weight in all the wrong places
/u/moon___night
Created: Tue Sep 4 13:12:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cyqph/losing_weight_in_all_the_wrong_places/
---
Parts of me look skeletal while other parts look flabby, my tits are gone but my stomach pudge clings on for dear life. I look like shit but I can't stop wanting to lose more weight :/ It's like my brain thinks that if I just reach my GW I'll magically start looking great even though I know that's a lie

[Rant/Rave] Getting blocked after sending a picture of myself
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2 | 150 | Aiming for 146 by 9/25 | -12| f21]
Created: Tue Sep 4 12:41:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cygzm/getting_blocked_after_sending_a_picture_of_myself/
---
Wow what a confident boost that is! I don't usually talk to people, but hey someone messaged me and I thought I might be interested in them. So when they asked for a current picture I sent one, I immediately get blocked. Wtf, not explanation. I know I'm fat and look young, and maybe you don't like puppies...but why block me after asking for a picture? At least say WHY or something dude.

[Other] [Other] Want to be miserable
/u/sriracha_henny
Created: Tue Sep 4 12:37:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cyftt/other_want_to_be_miserable/
---
I have a therapy appointment coming up, after months of hemming and hawing and not getting around to it. Now I desperately want out, but I can’t cancel this time. I know how stupid this sounds, but I’m not thin enough for therapy. I don’t have a fucking problem; it’s all in my head and I need to stop being a baby.

I deserve to be this miserable because I made myself fat. I genuinely don’t want to feel good about myself for any reason until I’ve given myself a reason to—i.e being thin. Will it require a 30 pound weight loss? Yeah. Will that take me MONTHS, by which time I will get worse? Yeah. Do I care? Honesty, not really. I don’t care about my own well-being because if I did, I’d stop raiding the pantry every other day at 11pm.

I want to isolate myself until I lose weight. I want to be alone with my campus gym and Clif bars until I’m ready to come out and be a functional human again. I’m so tired of seeing my fat face in the reflection and thinking that anybody can help me out of this except for myself.

TL;DR: Angry uppity bitch is too fat for therapy.

Who needs friends tbh
/u/Literally_a_Gorilla
Created: Tue Sep 4 12:25:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cyc0b/who_needs_friends_tbh/
---
I'll just be friends with my skeleton.

[Help] Having a hard time being rational
/u/lilmdjd [5'3 | CW: 135 | LW: 95 | GW 115 | 23F]
Created: Tue Sep 4 12:03:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cy4z3/having_a_hard_time_being_rational/
---
So, I successfully avoiding binging over the long weekend (yay!) though I did eat slightly above maintenance yesterday but It was controlled and I also hiked for like 2 hours so I figure it’s ok.

What I’m having a hard time with is despite this binge, my weekly average is about the same as last weeks with my two binges. And despite the fact that was kind of the whole point (increase cals slightly, reduce binging) I still am sort of upset?
It’s dumb because I only want to lose like ten lbs. I don’t need to do it fast or aggressively. But still, seeing an average of 1100 is upsetting me so much and I am having a hard time focusing at work bc of it. I also know it’s even a little lower than that bc I didn’t include my exercise cals.

I hate that I can’t just be rational and normal about all this. I’m not doing anything wrong or to be ashamed of but I feel like I am.

Oh, my sweet summer child. How do I answer this without my crazy seeping through?
/u/DoNotEatAllTheDonuts
Created: Tue Sep 4 11:54:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cy25s/oh_my_sweet_summer_child_how_do_i_answer_this/
---
https://i.imgur.com/sPaivk0.jpg

[Goal] September goals--what are yours. Check in for Week 1.
/u/throwawaytodayokc [5'4.3"| GW 96 lbs |33 y/o]
Created: Tue Sep 4 11:40:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cxx8b/september_goalswhat_are_yours_check_in_for_week_1/
---
Alright. Let's set some September goals. Then I'll start a thread in October and see how we managed. Maybe I'll make a thread each week on this for all of us to check-in and get support for accountability and to tweak our plan so we can be successful.

**Start**

I am currently about 108 lbs, and that is far from okay. I would like to be 102 lbs by October, which is fairly reasonable.

** Plan **
* Target of 850 calories and 50 g protein.
* Get in 10,000 steps a day everyday and exercise 3-4 times a week

[Discussion] What would you be binging on right now if you could?
/u/rattles-snakes
Created: Tue Sep 4 11:37:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cxwc2/what_would_you_be_binging_on_right_now_if_you/
---
(Sourdough bread, olive oil coated pasta, roast potatoes for YEARS)

[Rant/Rave] Boyfriend starts his new job today, meaning I have a B/P window.... every single weekday.
/u/LillyWhiteAndFrozen [5'4 | 167 lbs | -10.2 lbs |29.23 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 4 11:31:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cxuay/boyfriend_starts_his_new_job_today_meaning_i_have/
---
I get home from work at 3:15 in the afternoon.

Starting today, he will get home around 6:30 in the evening.

I'm getting really excited for a massive binge and purge session already. I feel like it's inevitable at this point and now I'm just really stoked and planning what I'm going to eat.

Why... am I such a nightmare

[Rant/Rave] Forced out of my comfort zone for NOTHING
/u/BladderPatrol
Created: Tue Sep 4 11:28:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cxt62/forced_out_of_my_comfort_zone_for_nothing/
---
I spent the whole Labor Day weekend visiting my partner’s family and being forced to eat out of my comfort zone and way, way beyond even my maintenance calorie limit (I logged everything). Every time we visit food is always a weird issue (I can’t tell if it’s my ED that I don’t really have or if they are just totally weird), so this time I even brought a ton of safe foods that I could eat secretly (what ED??) and not feel totally helpless.


I spent the whole weekend eating fondue and sausages and fucking bacon and cheese eggs so that I could look like a normal part of the family and support my partner. MY PARTNER HAD A HORRIBLE TRIP SO IT WASN’T WORTH IT. I go on these food bender trips with him to try to make him happy but he’s always just so miserable and I feel like I ate thousands of calories to appease people that are miserable.


Hope your Labor Day weekends were a delight!

anyone else troubled by how their ed conflicts with their personal beliefs
/u/cowboyhatcowboyhat
Created: Tue Sep 4 11:14:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cxogq/anyone_else_troubled_by_how_their_ed_conflicts/
---
i feel like my relationship with food/my body really makes me view other women in a really misogynistic light - my initial mental response to meeting another woman is so often to look at her body, compare it to my own, and, to be perfectly honest, draw some conclusions about her as an individual on that basis - something i OF COURSE make a conscious effort to correct whenever i become aware of it (and i do try to be constantly aware nowadays, since noticing it as a pattern of thought).
i know it's a complex issue, and that all women, even ones who have a more 'normal' relationship with food, are encouraged by our capitalist patriarchal frame of society to view other women as rivals in our never ending quest to become the perfect thkinnyyy commodity but i do think it's something exacerbated by ed thinking?? and it's something that rly bothers me

what are people's thoughts !!

[Tip] This product literally changed my life— it’s SO much easier to lose weight now
/u/RachAgainstLeMachine [5'3 🌻 CW: 93lbs 🌻 21F]
Created: Tue Sep 4 10:50:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cxg8s/this_product_literally_changed_my_life_its_so/
---
[This mini bike pedal-y boi was literally the best investment I’ve ever made](https://www.amazon.com/Portable-Pedal-Exerciser-Vive-Equipment/dp/B01G8ZU2N0)

I just sit on the couch all day, use my phone, watch TV, strap my Fitbit to my ankle, and pedal away! It doesn’t even feel like exercise. I literally get like 18,000 steps alone using this bike and I don’t even have to leave the living room lol.

I was skeptical at first but I’ve lost like 5lbs because of it. I didn’t really want to spend the $45 at first, but honestly this bike has changed my life.

I don’t have to go on 55849393 walks/day, and I can finally focus on other things like school work without worrying about being sedentary.

It’s also nice because I can spend time watching movies with my boyfriend— something I’ve always had a hard time with.

I’d definitely recommend this— it’s seriously improved my quality of life and has made my ED waaaay more bearable.

I want my ed to kill me
/u/throwaway254411
Created: Tue Sep 4 10:42:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cxd6p/i_want_my_ed_to_kill_me/
---
On mobile, flair as rant.

I have nothing left other than my eating disorder. No friends, no relatives that I trust, my boyfriend constantly ignores me, I have no passions or dreams, nothing. I'm numb and absent most of the time. I'm so scared of the future, actually I can't even see a future.

But I still have my ed. Starving, binging, purging, obsessing over numbers. It keeps my mind busy. My ed will never leave me or ignore me, it won't kiss its friend after saying it wants me.

I just hope it'll kill me eventually. I think it'd be a good way to go.

Are you hungry or are you FLABS?
/u/thinandmint [5' | 110 | GW 90 | 🍑 thinandmint]
Created: Tue Sep 4 10:42:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cxd0r/are_you_hungry_or_are_you_flabs/
---
F = frustrated

L = lonely

A = angry

B = bored

S = stresssed

Saw this acronym in a psych video and thought it was a good way to prevent emotional binging. Thought I should share!

(Yeah, looks like I'm always just flabs 🐳)

[Rant/Rave] Feeling motivated to get on track after a rocky weekend
/u/TumericTea
Created: Tue Sep 4 10:28:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cx80r/feeling_motivated_to_get_on_track_after_a_rocky/
---
This weekend kind of was awful, I isolated myself and felt extremely lonely. I binged and purged multiple times. But today I feel better. I realized I’m going off to college in 3 weeks and I want so badly to be skinny to make a good first impression. I re downloaded my fitness pal and am going to work out after work. I’m planning to start at 900 calories, which may sound like a lot, but I know I’ll binge otherwise. I can work my way down from there. I can definitely do this.

shitpost - not a professional quotemaker or anything
/u/gigi-has-issues [5'9" | CW Fat | GW 115 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 4 10:04:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cx004/shitpost_not_a_professional_quotemaker_or_anything/
---
In this moment, I am euphoric. Not because of any phony God's blessing, but because I am fasting. 😇😂😎



[Rant/Rave] Beating my flair
/u/blewlurker [5'3 | 125 | 22.1 | F | 18]
Created: Tue Sep 4 10:03:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cwzk5/beating_my_flair/
---
Like my flair says, my CW was 125 at some point but then I got into a nasty binge cycle and I def gained like 10-12 lbs. I’ve been successfully restricting for about 2 months. I recently came back to school and I didn’t want to bring my scale because i get too obsessive about it. I’ve noticed my clothes are bigger on me and my friends have complimented me on my weight loss so logically I knew I lost weight but I finally broke down and bought one to see. This was this morning after three days of eating & drinking and I weighed in at 124.6, even after a big breakfast!!! I’m so proud of myself strangely even after eating a shit ton this weekend. I’m finally back at what my CW says and I’m probably lower without all of the water retention and bloating. It’s also encouraging me to not weigh myself as often and that I can lose weight without being a slave to my scale!!!

[Goal] Overcame my gym anxiety!!!
/u/thingsarestranger [5’2” | CW: 125 | -35 | GW:95 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 4 09:50:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cwurb/overcame_my_gym_anxiety/
---
Used to be in the gym 5-7 days a week then this past month I found it hard to go at all and went maybe 1-3 times. Ended up having a 2-3 week streak where I didn’t go at all. Finally got over it and went back today. Only did 30 mind cardio and burned 300 cals but it’s a good start. Binge free September has started off meh I haven’t binged but I have eaten a lot more than I’d like to.

[Intro] Found somewhere I feel safe
/u/Kittyscatsspeed [5'5 | CW: 11 st 12 | TW: 10 st | Female :cat_blep:]
Created: Tue Sep 4 09:49:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cwucf/found_somewhere_i_feel_safe/
---
Hey, I've finally found somewhere I can talk about my illness. I've got other MH issues, that have caused me to be on pysch drugs that have made me balloon. This has raised my old bulimia and anorexia, as well as body dysmorphia. I'm not telling my pysch about it, even though I have weekly meetings, she is proud I'm exercising, if only she knew the half of it. I see myself as a whale so I have started under 500 cals, ive lost 4 pounds in 4 days! Im finally out of my low where I didnt have the energy to exercise and I'm burning off most the calories I eat.
I'm struggling with what I can eat to keep me under 500, if anyone has any ideas help. Im not really eating but with my meds and not eating im starting to feel faint. So i need something low calorie yet filling.
Thank you guys for being so understanding and non judgemental. My SO is aware how far this can go and is starting to worry. Im ignoring his pleas because I know he wants me to lose weight.

Dinner party hosting PANIC
/u/PermanentHysteria
Created: Tue Sep 4 09:24:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cwlz3/dinner_party_hosting_panic/
---
My parents are coming over tomorrow for dinner. I just found out and am nervous. What do normal people eat? My SO is fighting some unresolved food allergies and meat is one of my fear foods. My question is, 1) what is a normal meal template, and 2) what are some foods I can make to serve?

My parents know about my ED so every time they come over, I go a little overboard trying to prove I'm normal. This is a farce. I have no idea what normal people eat.

I eat a one-pot rice/beans/veg meal on the daily so doing multiple dishes is stressing me out. Is roast chicken, baked potatoes, and salad an acceptable meal?

Is chicken okay or should I do pork chops or fish? If so, how to season?

Do I need to serve a bread basket? What is a gluten free alternative?

Do people eat dessert after dinner everyday or just on holidays?

Do tasty low-cal gluten-free desserts exist?

What else should I be aware of?

omg ive had to put new holes in my belt and im so happy
/u/dreamtforyears [5'9 | GW: 100 | -44 | 15M]
Created: Tue Sep 4 09:20:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cwkpo/omg_ive_had_to_put_new_holes_in_my_belt_and_im_so/
---
so today was my first actual day back at school after like 6 weeks of summer

before that break, i was struggling to get my belt to the last hole, and sometimes i wouldnt even make it and go second to last

now over the break i wasnt noticing *any* change at all, like i thought i looked *exactly* the same as when it started, so i thought my belt'd be fine for the first day back

anyway, this morning my trousers were literally falling to my ankles if i didnt hold them up, and even the last hole on my belt didnt feel secure enough to hold em up

i know it sounds so stupid and small but its really validating to me lol, literally one of the biggest reasons i wanted to lose weight was because i hated the amount of space i felt i took up just by existing, and this just shows that im getting smaller and im really happy about it lol

[Rant/Rave] Rant
/u/suckkira505
Created: Tue Sep 4 09:09:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cwh48/rant/
---
I am so unbelievable scared to go to school tommorow. They're gonna measure us and weigh us so our uniforms fit well. Since they announced this, the only thing i can think about is how i am gonna be emarassed in front of others because of my weight and measurements. It's driving me crazy. I have never thought about buying laxatives but i need to have lower weight so i bought them. I can't think of anything worse, some older students said that we will have to get in to our underwear so they can get the perfect measurements. For real i am so stressed and stress makes me eat even more. Oh god i hate myself for being so fat... anyone feels the same?
Ps: i am sorry about my english, it's not my first language

[Discussion] Jealousy
/u/Lilith-Rising [5'7'' (170cm)|F|CW:165|GW:130]
Created: Tue Sep 4 09:02:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cwevy/jealousy/
---
Do you experience jealousy, and how does this interact with your ED? How do you cope with jealousy? I’m a self-aware and introspective lass, but when it comes to envy, it consumes me. I see beautiful thin and smol women, especially on insta, and I’m almost angry(not at them of course lol). I’m in therapy but I’m just wondering what you do that’s effective to cope.

It’s not healthy which is why I’m asking, but the best I can do is frame it like “Don’t be jealous, you will be that delicate and beautiful too, soon enough. Just don’t eat until then(btw which I think isn’t a concern bc I’m overweight anyway so restricting and fasting is healthy at this point so it’s kinda laughable).” It’s the only thought that can soothe my distress. It’s constant anxiety and envy when I’m around thin women, I can’t think of anything else. I’ve literally always been this way, I’ve only just noticed how deep the feeling goes. It’s my biggest aesthetic inadequacy.

[Intro] First Post
/u/shortLavender [5'3 | cw:127 | gw1: 125 | gw2: 120 | ugw: 110]
Created: Tue Sep 4 08:40:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cw7hf/first_post/
---
(long time lurker etc...)

Made this profile since the husband knows my other one and I would like to start posting here. I don't have anyone I can talk to about this stuff and this community is really supportive. This isn't my first go-round, but last time I was much younger and had a close friend that I was able to talk, restrict, c/s, and over exercise with. She has since fully recovered and that was many years ago. This time I thought I could do it all alone, but with no one to even share the small victories or stresses with, I am feeling more frustrated with my plateaus. It also feels much more secretive, but since I am really the only one who KNOWS it also feels like I am more under a microscope. Sorry for the rambling, I have never posted to Reddit or participated in a community like this one and just wanted to make initial contact with hopes that it will at least temporarily make me feel better :)

[Goal] I fit into a uk 10 in jeans!
/u/softdyke
Created: Tue Sep 4 08:27:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cw3hg/i_fit_into_a_uk_10_in_jeans/
---
I have been overweight since I was about 14 and my goal had been to fit into a uk size 10 pair of jeans!!!! I carry most of my weight on my lower half and I can’t believe I reached this goal!!!! Still a long way to go but I have lost over 40lbs and I can finally see a difference!!! Also the jeans were top shop so even better !!!

[Discussion] cucumber snack ideas?
/u/iluvmnms [164cm (5'4) | 50.2kg (110lbs) | 18.7 | GW: 47 (103lbs) | 18F]
Created: Tue Sep 4 08:10:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cvyg4/cucumber_snack_ideas/
---
I've had the most weirdest craving for cucumbers and just saw a post about eating them with sriracha sauce which sounds sooo yummy. I'm not much of a cook but would love for anyone to share any prepping ideas or weird combos that would spice these lil babies up!!

[Discussion] I just want to say something about the ED community:
/u/iidktorii
Created: Tue Sep 4 07:48:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cvrn2/i_just_want_to_say_something_about_the_ed/
---
Well, not specifically the reddit community, I'm talking about the ED community as a whole and everyone who suffers. You guys (or we..) are the most kind and accepting community I have ever come across. We are honestly such beautiful souls. We are dying and suffering and we just spread kindness and love to each other and others and I think its just so beautiful. Like I feel that we truly accept everyone for who they are and we our differences as as beauty and confront everyone with love and care whereas others view differences as flaws and confront them with hatred and aggression. Whenever I go to an ED community whether or be here, on tumblr, maybe YouTube even, I just find myself feeling somewhat grateful that I am included in such a wonderful group of people all over the world.

I ate probably 6k calories over my 4 day weekend. That's double what I've been eating per week lately :( buttttt
/u/gorgingpuddle
Created: Tue Sep 4 07:32:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cvmx3/i_ate_probably_6k_calories_over_my_4_day_weekend/
---
Man, fasting after all that food this weekend feels great. I have that gnawing hunger feeling back in my stomach from eating and then ceasing, but not the mental "omg, must eat now" feeling I've had in the past. Usually, day 1 of a fast is the hardest mentally for me ...but today, I feel nice about it. I kinda enjoy that hunger, and being able to resist it.


I'm not trying to brag or make you feel bad if you're having a hard time with whatever you have going on, because believe me...it's usually not this easy to start fasting after eating again, lol. I just feel really happy that I have some self control again. Saying "no" after all that is super satisfying.


6k might not seem like a lot of calories, but considering at least 1.5k of that was from alcohol....yeah. whoops.

[Rant/Rave] I hate being so fixated on food!
/u/ghostsportclub
Created: Tue Sep 4 07:21:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cvjf9/i_hate_being_so_fixated_on_food/
---
Restricting makes me so crazy obsessed with food and it is the WORST. Over summer I’ve ended up eating normally for most of the time - obviously that started in binging but I got to the stage where I was eating when hungry and I could legitimately turn down food. Now I’m back to restriction I kick myself for all the food I turned down! I just hate it. I hate being hungry and I want to eat so badly, so many wonderful foods! Even earlier my mum offered to make grilled cheese and I turned it down bc the thought of the calories was way too high - I wanted the grilled cheese so fucking bad but my wish to be skinny wins higher I guess.
This is such a rant - I apologise, but I’m just really fed up of food being my every thought. Why the hell cant I be normal :(

[Goal] Finally Completed My First 24 Hour Fast! And then binged and gained 2lbs
/u/ISetMyGnomesOnFire
Created: Tue Sep 4 07:20:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cvj6f/finally_completed_my_first_24_hour_fast_and_then/
---
Well i finally did it. I completed my first 24 hour fast. and then my boyfriend took on an amazing date and i ended up gaining 2lbs. But now that i know i can do it...FASTING HERE I COME

[Help] Effect of gaining weight on breast size?
/u/kernalmustache [169cm ♀ | CW 105lbs | BMI 16.7 | SW 130lbs 🌸]
Created: Tue Sep 4 06:46:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cv9vs/effect_of_gaining_weight_on_breast_size/
---
So like, when you gain weight does it tend to be proportional, as in 2 inches to bust at the same time as 2 inches to underbust? I'm a 26D now, so if I gain weight could I reasonably expect to become like a 30D?

[Rant/Rave] My friend who also has an ED, makes sure I eat even though she doesn’t herself
/u/EvenRainbowsScream [4'11 | SW:117| CW:106 | GW:85 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 4 06:36:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cv73o/my_friend_who_also_has_an_ed_makes_sure_i_eat/
---
From the title, it’s pretty self explanatory. My friend and I are open about our emotions and the things that are going through our life, one of them being our eating disorder.

She’s a bit on the heavier side but when it comes to food, she eats nothing. She’ll drink 4 cups of coffee and 96oz of red bull. I try to tell her there are alternatives like tea instead of red bull since it can be very damaging to her heart, but she ignores me.

It’s so hypocritical of her to ask me to eat when I’m not looking to recover and still in the process of getting to my goal weight. I know she cares about me but we’re both in the same situation and understand why our goals are..

Has anyone else dealt with this?



[Rant/Rave] I see normal size girls and think, "Holy shit she's so thin and beautiful." And then I realize she's just normal, but I see them as something amazing.
/u/Ironicbanana14
Created: Tue Sep 4 06:34:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cv6nt/i_see_normal_size_girls_and_think_holy_shit_shes/
---
I probably see them with such amazement and admiration because I know i can never be like them and im past the stage of jealousy into acceptance.

Thin girls or even just slightly overweight girls look so much better than me, they look so good with thin arms and tight, tanned skin. Hipbones and collar bones, wrists, jawline, all the simple little beautiful dainty things I wish i could have. I admire them as people and almost like an art piece I will never be able to afford. And just like an art piece, im afraid to hug any thin person out of fear of hurting them or them feeling how fat I really am...

I just hope they realize how blessed they are, and if they somehow went through the same struggle as us, then I really hope they can see how beautiful they are.

[Sticky] Thinspo Tuesday September 04, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Sep 4 06:10:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cv0kw/thinspo_tuesday_september_04_2018/
---
Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to post pictures of anything that inspires or you find to be something "motivating".

**Please note that we are not using this post to glorify or glamorize eating disorders. Anything that is not clearly from a professional photo shoot or is "bonespo" (extremely thin to the point of being skeletal) will be removed.** Selfies, bodychecks, or OOTD posts will also be removed as they belong in the Friday sticky thread.

*****

Thinspo threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Looking for self-care and beauty tips? Comment below, or [PM the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED) and feel free to take your self-care/beauty needs to the "Stupid Questions Saturday" weekly thread!


Daily Food Diary! September 04, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Sep 4 06:10:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cv0j8/daily_food_diary_september_04_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for September 04, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)


waking up super bloated
/u/relativeletter6 [161cm | 54.2kg | gw 50kg]
Created: Tue Sep 4 05:13:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cuno4/waking_up_super_bloated/
---
gah. these shorts are typically slightly loose and now they fit perfectly. i dunno why i’m so bloated. period is 2 weeks away, ate <1000 i of fairly low-volume food yesterday, currently 17 hours fasted, drank 3 litres of water yesterday. so fucking WHY this is so annoying. i wasn’t even bloated when i went to sleep.

i haven’t weighed yet, can’t till i get home later so another ~10 hours and hopefully it’s gone down by then and i’m back to normal but i look like i’ve gained 5 pounds and i want to die

anyone else wake up bloated for no fucking reason?

Fucking hate my sister (triggering af)
/u/BEDBulimic [153cm | CW: 55.8 | GW1: 55 | -8.2 | 20F]
Created: Tue Sep 4 05:10:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cumz3/fucking_hate_my_sister_triggering_af/
---
Sorry can’t flair as rant since I’m on mobile.

My sister caught me eating ONE handful of granola straight from the pantry.

I wasn’t even going to embark on a full blown binge, and she knows I eat absolute junk when I do.

She fucking RECORDS ME on her phone and is fucking AFFRONTED and FILMS ME FOR 5 MINUTES FORCING ME TO EXPLAIN MYSELF and interrogatig me about what I’m doing. She’s shaking with the self righteous indignation of a “I want to speak to the manager” type of mom.

She sends this clip to my mom, who knows I emotionally eat (and yes I’m pretty stressed rn from exams). Thank god my mom’s in a good supportive spell so she helped calm me down and let me off the hook.

I’m fucking triggered and I hate her. I am already ashamed eating normal, healthy food and she does this shit. At least now I’m motivated to fast for the next few days out of spite- she’s trying to lose weight too and I have to beat her, since she’s the one who made this a fucking competition to begin with.

Fuck her.

How much does ana slow down BMR?
/u/heyimbored_
Created: Tue Sep 4 05:04:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9culj3/how_much_does_ana_slow_down_bmr/
---
So I read something online saying that extreme dieting/fasting damaged the metabolism quite a bit so I was wondering if anyone knows if it’s true, and how much?

I just discovered this song. So relatable, but in a sick twisted way, this motivates me to keep my fast going. ([TW] because I haven't watched the video)
/u/xerox13ster [5'7" | 258 | Goal: 250 | 40.9 | 30 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 4 04:59:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cukh1/i_just_discovered_this_song_so_relatable_but_in_a/
---
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36QMyiRAv-Y

Has anyone ate the same thing or at the same place everyday for a month?
/u/PM_ME_BrusselSprouts [5'3" | CW: 165 | BMI: 30.0 | 33, F]
Created: Tue Sep 4 04:46:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cuhx8/has_anyone_ate_the_same_thing_or_at_the_same/
---
Just got a new job that's quite exhausting, there is a Subway on the way home. Thinking about getting a veggie sub everyday as my one meal. I would do it with Chipotle but that's a bit out of my way. Just wondering everyone's experiences.

Chia seeds wtf???
/u/ImpishImp
Created: Tue Sep 4 04:35:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cufo6/chia_seeds_wtf/
---
I've always put chia seeds in everything, lately my favorite was unsweetened applesauce with chia seeds and cinnamon, I just thought to look at the nutrition facts. 160 cals per 2 tbsp??? And 10 grams of fat?!?! Holy shit I hate myself.

[Discussion] How do you deal with weight gain?
/u/BlondeActually [Height 5’4 | CW 94| BMI 16.1| HW 120| LW 89| GW 88 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 4 04:11:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cuao5/how_do_you_deal_with_weight_gain/
---
Having gained about 5 pounds and visibly being a bit larger to the point where my jeans are now a bit uncomfortable and my face is slightly rounder, I’m back in full restriction mode but I feel so shit about the weight gain. I don’t want to see anybody that I know in case they comment, I’m embarrassed for being a failure and giving in to one too many binges. I feel ashamed to show my face in public until I’m back down to 95 pounds.

How do you deal with slightly visible weight gain? Do you wear your biggest clothes to stay comfy or squeeze into your skinny jeans? What do you say when people comment that you look ‘better’ now, or respond when they tell you that you look ‘healthier’ or you ‘were too thin’ before?

It feels like the only reason I eat anymore is to remind myself how much I hate eating
/u/littledeadkitty
Created: Tue Sep 4 04:10:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cuaiq/it_feels_like_the_only_reason_i_eat_anymore_is_to/
---


Has anyone on here ever gone back to long term restriction after a prolonged binge/restrict cycle?
/u/PM_M3_UR_SECRETS [163cm | CW 48kg | GW 45kg | HW 80kg]
Created: Tue Sep 4 04:05:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cu9fr/has_anyone_on_here_ever_gone_back_to_long_term/
---
I was doing so well restricting a while ago, I reached two of my GWs and was feeling in control. Then I had a protein deficiency and was made to up my protein intake drastically by my doctor and I've been in a horrible binge/restrict cycle ever since. I binge for 2-3 days, fast for 2 days, restrict for 2-3 days and then it starts all over again.

I've tried upping my daily calories, but I can't force myself to stop counting calories or eating at maintenance longterm. I've been pretty much maintaining at my first GW, but it doesn't feel good enough anymore because it's not my lowest. And I'm constantly bloated and puffy from binging.

Has anyone ever gotten out of this cycle and felt in control again? I'm starting to lose hope that I ever will tbh and it feels so fucking horrible. I feel so fat and weak willed, and my anorexia diagnosis feels so wrong and fake because what kind of anorexic stuffs their fucking face like this? I'm around like a 17.8 BMI now I think, so technically I don't even qualify anymore. It's so stupid and it seems so ridiculous (because who the fuck wants to have any kind of eating disorder, whether it's binge eating or anorexia) but I honestly just want to go back to when I was in control and not the disgusting binge monster inside me.

[Rant/Rave] Kill Me Right Now: 6 pounds in 3 days
/u/_Pulltab_ [5' 7| CW 165.4 | BMI 25.9 | -30.6 | F]
Created: Tue Sep 4 03:58:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cu7rc/kill_me_right_now_6_pounds_in_3_days/
---
This weekend was a total trash fire. It went from a controlled burn to an all out inferno. I had breakfast with a friend on Saturday, which I knew would lead to me wanting to eat all day so I was like, fuck it, I’ll just be cool and it will be fine. We wound up going out to dinner and I ate a giant appetizer of avocado egg roles, tons of bread, etc.

Sunday we were on the road and food options were limited so I was like, fuck it, just one meal, who cares if it’s bad except we got home late that evening and I proceeded to vacuum up a bunch of bullshit food.

Yesterday we had family over and I was like, fuck it, this whole weekend has been a train wreck. I’ll start fresh tomorrow when everything is back under control and I ate chips and corn and potato salad and like 4 cookies.

Since I normally do keto, and ate ALL the carbs this weekend, I knew I would see a gain related to water/inflammation, and I KNOW it’s not possible that I gained more than an actual pound or so of fat (I know what it takes to gain a pound of fat and while I ate a lot, I didn’t eat THAT much). And I knew weighing myself this morning would be the biggest of mindfucks because the scale was going to lie. And I did it anyway. Because I am not rational or reasonable.

So. 6 pounds in 3 days. Actually, 6.4 pounds. Fuck.

[Rant/Rave] I lost the weight I gained from binging and am still fat.
/u/twa1238
Created: Tue Sep 4 03:49:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cu62m/i_lost_the_weight_i_gained_from_binging_and_am/
---
I don’t get it. I am 500gram over my starting weight (before I started to binge for months) and I looked healthy and good before. Not skinny but thin enough for me to be happy. (I hadn’t had an issue with my ED for a long time then so that might have helped)

Then it came back and I started to gain weight and felt terrible and gross. Lost almost all the weight now. But I look FATTER????????

I went on the scale today and saw that I reached the goal I set up a month ago but I didn’t feel happy or motivated at all.

I take progress pictures for like two years now, just to know what I look like with different weights, and I can’t see even a tiny difference between my fattest time (five kilos more than now) and now????? I see my clothes are loose and I see the scale and all but I don’t SEE it.

It drives me crazy. My legs look okay in the mirror but when I look down I can’t believe how fat I am. I had to drive home again yesterday to change my tight jeans into a long skirt because I suddenly noticed I look like a whale.My wrists look tiny and kinda gross honestly when I look at them when I’m around others but my arms in general are so FAT. My collarbones are there, i can feel them poking out but when I look in the mirror they’re just...gone??? Can I be bloated on my shoulders? What?

I don’t know where all the weight is hiding, I mean I know a few kilos are gone but it seems like my body doesn’t know????

No one commented on my weight loss but to be honest I don’t think anyone cares about me enough to look so that’s not the best argument maybe.

Is it possible I only lost muscles and all my fat is still there? Last time I lost my binge weight in a short time I exercised 6 times a week but I can’t do that right now and am too weak to even get in my steps some days.



[Rant/Rave] Mias are tougher than US Marines
/u/whatsacal
Created: Tue Sep 4 03:11:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ctyr6/mias_are_tougher_than_us_marines/
---
got a stomach virus and spent the last two days just puking over and over and over again. as a super-restrictive ana I thought I was tough, but you mia folks are next level

the whole time I kept thinking "see this is why we dont eat in the first place, putting up with this regularly is next level"

so shout out to the purgers, you're harder than nails



[Discussion] i can't keep doing this forever. (post-binge thoughts and a goodbye for now)
/u/scornedcinnamon
Created: Tue Sep 4 02:53:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ctvc2/i_cant_keep_doing_this_forever_postbinge_thoughts/
---
i just had one of the biggest binges i've ever personally experienced at 12:30 in the morning and i just feel like letting my thoughts out. i can just feel the food sitting in my stomach and know that i'll be super bloated when i wake up. i've been lurking on here since the beginning of my relapse this summer and have actually found this subreddit to be a really supportive place despite only being here for a short time. for some reason, this particular binge made me really stop and think about what this summer has been like for me. restricting for a few weeks only to binge for the weeks after. rinse and repeat.

i go back to college in a few weeks and i just get so much anxiety at the thought of my food situation there. i get so much anxiety when i'm at the market wanting to buy all of the snacks but being worried i'll binge on it so i get nothing, but i binge on my family's food later. i get so much anxiety looking at nutritional facts at food i'll never eat. i get so much anxiety thinking about going out to restaurants and dreaming what i'll order on yelp. i get so much anxiety at the thought of my relationship with food when i'm older.

i thought i had the recovery thing down when i recovered the first time but i'm human and i have an eating disorder. this subreddit has actually provided me with a community where i feel others will understand (and has reintroduced me to pickles and kombucha). that being said, even though i haven't been here for a long time, i will be leaving this account indefinitely to try and sort out my relationship with food. my head is fighting this so badly and i want to get back to restricting but i feel like that will be my one way ticket to rebounding. i hope i will be able to maintain around the weight i am now because if i average out my restriction and binge days, it is around my supposed maintenance, but a girl can dream.

wishing you all the best and hoping you all stay safe. thank you.

[Rant/Rave] Binged with a waist trainer on!
/u/congratty
Created: Tue Sep 4 02:41:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ctt2q/binged_with_a_waist_trainer_on/
---
(Rave) i feel SO FULL on so little rn, i planned on eating a lot but i only had a 270 cal sandwich and a little bit of chicken soup and two mini cookies (probably about 600/700 cal total) and i can hardly breathe. honestly what’s wrong with me? why do i break fasts by eating until i can’t breathe lmfaoo but at least i don’t have to clear my pantry when i have an urge

I ate 300cals in the last two days and still feel like a walking sack of lard
/u/JayLenoBlows [literal sack of human garbage]
Created: Tue Sep 4 02:00:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ctlij/i_ate_300cals_in_the_last_two_days_and_still_feel/
---
What the fuck is wrong with me? Why can't I feel ok about myself even though I'm underweight?

[Rant/Rave] I Can't Believe I Fucking Hate Food Even Though It's So Good
/u/pugsaremydrugs [Height 5'8" | CW 114 | BMI 17.3 | Weight Lost 3 | Gender Male]
Created: Tue Sep 4 01:47:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ctixs/i_cant_believe_i_fucking_hate_food_even_though/
---
All through this fucking week I've been looking at pictures of food on Tumblr and Reddit. Fatty, great, sugary foods; hamburgers, pizza, and the worst is cheese.

Before I became whatever the fuck I am now I used to love cheese so much. I used to know lots of types, technical terms, histories, the places they're made. I bought at least two blocks a month, and now I realize they're probably filled with calories.

Even when I get to points that near recovery I think of cheese and then I go back to thinking of only calories.

Invent negative calorie gouda please

[Discussion] DAE have other dysmorphias?
/u/ManicPixieBallerina
Created: Tue Sep 4 00:52:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ct7nu/dae_have_other_dysmorphias/
---
So apparently my hands don't look the same to me as they do to other people. I see short, kinda stubby, and very childish looking hands.

But other people are seeing something else. Ladylike, elegant, and "piano hands" are common ones. But just looking at my hands I don't see it most of the time. Occasionally, I see it, in flashes around a thin stemmed wine glass, with long, painted nails (though not anymore, no more nails), practicing keyboard, but only for a few seconds.


The only thing I know for sure is I have small hands, that or XS are the size of gloves that get thrown at me, and my ring size is 4.75. I don't know what I look like, and up until recently when I brought up the hand thing nobody believed me, and now it's only 3 maybe 4 people who believe me about my hand thing.


I'm so confused.

[Help] Australian Multivitamins?
/u/sleepyperi [5'2" | CW: 155 | GW: 100 | 20F]
Created: Tue Sep 4 00:32:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ct3tp/australian_multivitamins/
---
Basically title. Do any Australians here have recommendations for multivitamins I can buy? Or non-Australians: what should I be looking for in a quality multivitamin?

[Rant/Rave] Food = Energy = Power
/u/PhoneWalletSanity [156cm/5'1.5| 100 lbs| 19.4| 18F| Exploring Recovery]
Created: Mon Sep 3 23:49:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9csvbx/food_energy_power/
---
I'll admit, eating two scoops of ice cream at 1:00 am wasn't exactly a super meal.

But it gave me the energy to go through every single photo of my ex that I've kept hidden in my phone for months, put them all in a folder on Google Drive and delete all 118 of them off my phone. I looked at every picture, even the ones of us together and still haven't cried.

Yes, a lot of the motivation behind this came from my supportive group of friends but having something I genuinely enjoy in my system gave me that final push to free myself of him and the rest of the "friends" I made a year ago.

Despite knowing I ate 600 calories, I feel very little guilt or regret. This time six months ago I'd eat a nutritious 300 calorie bowl of oatmeal and still feel like I "wasted" those calories.

Food gave me the power to be free of parts of a dark year. While I'm not even close to recovered yet, this was one huge step in the right direction

how many calories are actually absorbed when c/sing?
/u/altoristics [5’3 | cw 109 | bmi 19.85 | ugw 95 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 3 23:49:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9csv85/how_many_calories_are_actually_absorbed_when_csing/
---
i just c/sed some fries and I’m wondering like what % of cals do you actually take in?

[Rant/Rave] how the hell do i spend $1000 on food?
/u/peachypeachy9 [5'6.75" | CW: 136 | GW: 110 | F18]
Created: Mon Sep 3 23:36:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9csspl/how_the_hell_do_i_spend_1000_on_food/
---
my university requires me to be on a meal plan. this includes a prepaid $1000 to spend at dining locations and food retail stuff around campus. theres 15 weeks in the semester.

i have no idea what im gonna do. spend it on starbucks and diet coke? i cant think of any nonperishable + available in shitty-gas-station-type of store foods that are good for restriction.

Ok google, how do i drown out my sorrows with vodka without the calories?
/u/deadpetz [6' 0" | CW: 149 | 20.2 BMI | 112.8 Lbs Lost | Male]
Created: Mon Sep 3 23:34:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cssac/ok_google_how_do_i_drown_out_my_sorrows_with/
---
seriously

[Help] Relationships and EDs
/u/monstersona
Created: Mon Sep 3 23:06:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9csmmm/relationships_and_eds/
---
So the other day I was making these special low cal brownies I like and messed up the measurements. My boyfriend said to add more water but that just made it runny. He said "So just add more flower or something" and I started hyperventilating because with these I know how many calories are in them. If I added more flour or cocoa I wouldn't know for sure and it was really freaking me out and when my freak out was over he told me I need to start seeing a support group or something. He said he was really worried and scared and he started to cry and say "this is seriously taking a toll on us." Weve been together for 7 years and hes known all this time Ive had an ED but its never been this bad. I know hes right but the very idea of eating more than 200 calories a day drives me into panic mode and Im scared hes gonna get fed up and leave me. I know that might be unrealistic but Im so paranoid and insecure ALL THE TIME that this has got me so on edge. Hes my rock and he tries to tell me he loves how I am everytime I pull out my scale but Im so so terrified hes gonna leave soon. Does anyone else have any advice or experience with this?

I knew ana was ruining me but I didnt expect it to ruin us too. I really want to recover but I could never do that before reaching my UGW. Can anyone help me? Or at least talk to me. Thanks.

[Rant/Rave] Big personal victory: turned down work lunches for the rest of the year
/u/linedryonly [5'5"♀| CW 133 | SW 145 | LW 102 | GW 110]
Created: Mon Sep 3 23:03:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9csm01/big_personal_victory_turned_down_work_lunches_for/
---
I started a new job in February and workplace lunches have been a huge trigger for me. I live in Korea where communal lunches are a big part of the workplace and it's frowned upon to sit them out. I tried to stick it out, but I was getting triggered so bad- no way to measure or calculate calories, don't know what we're having until moments before, social pressure for not cleaning my plate, etc. It was torture.

So yesterday I notified my employer that I will no longer be part of communal lunches. My boss is mad at me, but I don't care. My level of anxiety is so much lower now that I don't have to worry so much about food at work.

It's a small thing, but I'm really proud of myself:)

[Discussion] Scale anxiety
/u/monstersona
Created: Mon Sep 3 22:40:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9csgsz/scale_anxiety/
---
Every morning I weigh myself and for some reason tonight I'm terrified to go to sleep bc in the morning I'll have to weigh myself and even though I ate under goal today I feel like Im going to have gained weight. Does anybody else have this problem, an overwhelming fear of weighing yourself, even when by yourself? How do you handle it?

Right know, in this moment, I want so bad to be curvy, sexy or some kind of normalweight. 5 minutes later "omg i am fat"
/u/tryllebukser
Created: Mon Sep 3 22:34:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9csfif/right_know_in_this_moment_i_want_so_bad_to_be/
---
I feel fat and disgusting or sometimes bony and disgusting. There is no where in between. Im thinking about eating something rn but i know the fat feeling will appear with the food in my stomach. I know im not the only one. Just really sick of it

gotta love triggering yourself
/u/scaledrops [5'8" | CW: too much | i do art | F16]
Created: Mon Sep 3 22:26:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9csduo/gotta_love_triggering_yourself/
---
why do i even go on tumblr at this point
i know ill spend hours scrolling through thinspo and just eventually turning to my sketchbooks because holy crap i just wanna look like that

my best friend has a bmi of 18 because he's tall and just naturally lanky and skinny, like?? give me that holy shit.

thanks for coming to my ted talk

Why am I such a wide set bitch!!!!
/u/SkinnyisSexy [5'7.6 |128.4|gw115|19.6| F]
Created: Mon Sep 3 22:05:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cs925/why_am_i_such_a_wide_set_bitch/
---
Mama always told me I have birthing hips.. too bad even when I was underweight they just stayed. Damn it I don't even want kids why they gotta be so damn WIDE. I never see thinspo with wider set women, I always see long lean ballet girls (which is obvi what i want, but bitch I cant have it) I feel stout... i know I'm relatively tall compared to some of you lucky 5 ft cuties, but i feel like i lool like a tall dwarf. Broad shoulder wide set ass mother fucking genes. Unless my bmi is like 16 i dont think i could even touch a size 0. BUT LIKE HELL IF I WON'T TRY. Since relapse I went from 146 to 132 in two and a half weeks, so at least there is something I'm doing right for now. Sorry for the rant, other wide set people plzzz vent back to me. Make me feel less alone here

[Help] water weight is the WORST
/u/pringlesbutthole [6’0|CW:116.6|BMI:15.2|20]
Created: Mon Sep 3 22:01:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cs85i/water_weight_is_the_worst/
---
weighed myself this morning at 116.6, got super excited bc I haven’t been that low in months. i just kept repeating “116.6” in my head all day, i felt so tiny and clean. i drank nothing but water and energy drinks. just got home, weighed myself at 118.7. lmao I’m pissed.

i’ve always had really bad problems with bloating, no matter what it is I eat. idk if there are any reliable ways to prevent water retention, but any tips?

[Rant/Rave] Bad but relatable? Poetry
/u/rubytwilights
Created: Mon Sep 3 21:54:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cs6ri/bad_but_relatable_poetry/
---
I never post here but I’ve been lurking for a while, also I’m in a Mood and wrote some shitty slam poetry about how my ex only made my ED’s worse. Just tell me if you hate it or if I shouldn’t be posting it here I guess

Anything It Takes To Feel Something

Hungry? No.
Full? Never.
I can eat and eat until my pants are bursting but I still can’t fill the emptiness she left in me.
Even trying the “less is more” and leaving my esophagus an open door helps nothing.
Letting only water fall down the rabbit hole into my deprived digestive system at least gives me something I can control.
But this isn’t Alice in Wonderland.
The only mad hatter here is myself.
I want to be filled with her touch, her lips, her attention, her love.
But instead I shove and shove food into my gaping mouth until the conveyor belt turns in reverse and suddenly I’m even more empty than I was before.
I sit on the bathroom floor, crying and wondering when or if I’ll be able to endure life without her.


[Rant/Rave] watching call me by your name and got triggered
/u/bigbeyoncefan
Created: Mon Sep 3 21:54:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cs6n7/watching_call_me_by_your_name_and_got_triggered/
---
I’ve been trying to recover my restricting eating habits but i got high and started watching cmbyn and man oh man! Elios body is making me go insane and the fact he’s shirtless half the movie smh...he’s definitely how I want to look like once I lose weight, and I’m a girl idk why my ideal body for myself is a lanky twink???

Being around others who are eating
/u/passionmango82
Created: Mon Sep 3 21:29:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cs14m/being_around_others_who_are_eating/
---
The people around me get extremely uncomfortable when I'm not eating something and they are (e.g lunch breaks). How do I distract them from the fact I'm not eating or... What are some very low calorie foods I can bring with me to eat in front of them? At the moment I am eating one meal a day (dinner).

[Other] Guess who limped 11,000 steps with a broken toe? 🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️
/u/hopeless_anon [5'5 | CW: 115 LW: 85 | 17F]
Created: Mon Sep 3 20:50:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9crrxf/guess_who_limped_11000_steps_with_a_broken_toe/
---
I’m such a dumb ass and my big toe hurts even more but at least I got my steps in. Why tf am I like this?

Tomorrow is a new day
/u/littledutchbird [24F|5'8"|150 lbs|BMI 22.5|-35 lbs]
Created: Mon Sep 3 20:48:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9crrfy/tomorrow_is_a_new_day/
---
Labour day weekend is over and I'm starting over. I am more than my food cravings. I am bigger than them. I can control them. I can fast. I'll show them. Please help me, I need all the support. Food is a bad friend.

help! how do i keep sugarfree gum from hurting my stomach?
/u/bayareagoddess
Created: Mon Sep 3 20:32:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9crncr/help_how_do_i_keep_sugarfree_gum_from_hurting_my/
---
i used to chew gum a lot in high school, as an oral fixation thing and as an appetite surpressant (5 gum reactmint flavor all day lmaooo). i had to take a break from all gum after a particularly bad upset stomach and bathroom adventure.

i want to start chewing gum again so i don't eat all day at school. what are the best ways to keep the gum from messing with my stomach/making me go to the bathroom? i'm assuming drinking more water will help but is there anything else?

[Rant/Rave] My dad/family ate the best parts of the food I was gonna binge on tonight so I said screw it, went to bed hungry, and gonna start watching Insatiable instead.
/u/pinkie-pie-promise
Created: Mon Sep 3 20:11:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9crihs/my_dadfamily_ate_the_best_parts_of_the_food_i_was/
---
https://i.redd.it/i2oojyxor4k11.jpg

My doctor weighs me tomorrow and I’m screwed.
/u/sonospaventato
Created: Mon Sep 3 20:02:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9crg2y/my_doctor_weighs_me_tomorrow_and_im_screwed/
---
I saw her on Thursday and she told me if I lose too much before Tuesday she would recommend group therapy 🙃 I liked her, but looks like after I get my implant I’ll be looking for another doctor lol.

[Discussion] Salt Craving?
/u/installmentplan [5'0" | 143 | 28.1 | -19 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 3 19:59:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9crfgg/salt_craving/
---
Does anyone else get uncontrollable salt cravings? Like driven to the point of just eating salt straight? I've been doing it a lot lately and the bloat is unreal.

stress relief??
/u/problemproblem420 [5'6''| 125| 20.2 | 19F]
Created: Mon Sep 3 19:57:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9crexv/stress_relief/
---
i got 4 hrs of sleep last night and then had class from 8-4 and came home feeling so stressed---so naturally i decided to let myself indulge ED voice as reward??? wtf?? i went to the grocery store and walked around for an hour and a half looking at food that i did not buy. i layed in bed and read ED stuff for hours. i feel too weak to go do anything else but resolving to eat something makes my stomach turn. somehow this makes me feel like im relieving my stress, when i know i am doing the opposite! maybe it is cuz its easier to listen to that voice then to not?


does anyone else do this?? am i just digging myself deeper into the hole??


[Rant/Rave] I ate a normal serving and my mom brought it up.
/u/milk-and-honie
Created: Mon Sep 3 19:56:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cremk/i_ate_a_normal_serving_and_my_mom_brought_it_up/
---
My mom got pizza for the first time in two months, she served herself first. I didn’t eat breakfast or lunch, so I grabbed three (I know I shouldn’t have...god, the calories).

The second I pick up the third slice she says:
“Leave some for the rest of us!!!” as if she doesn’t already have two slices and some breadsticks and a coke. So now I feel doubly as shitty about eating. I literally don’t deserve to eat on the most fundamental level. It’s so lame and it makes me feel horrible but hey on the bright side I didn’t go back for more pizza or breadsticks tonight and I’m fasting for the next four days now. :,-)

What do you all think of canned soup for a lazy meal?
/u/maerynbird
Created: Mon Sep 3 19:22:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cr5qr/what_do_you_all_think_of_canned_soup_for_a_lazy/
---
Hi all! I was wondering what you all thought of classic canned soup. I love cooking but calorie counting is SO exhausting and sometimes i just want to cook something up that’s warm and quick and require almost no effort. Recently canned soup has come to mind. The can already has cal counts on it too.




Low sodium varieties are an obvious choice because soup has so much sodium in it and i don’t want to retain water. If it’s bland i can spice it up with my extensive spice pantry and maybe eat it with some boiled broccoli or bell pepper slices for a crunch. I already make my own soups but i’m so tired after college every day since i get home late and have to immediately start on hw that it would just be easier to warm some up. I could even only use half the tin and freeze the other half for later.




What are your favorite brands of soup or some other lazy meal ideas that you have?

[Rant/Rave] Craving chips and gravy?
/u/celestialmisstep [5'4" | -37lb | F]
Created: Mon Sep 3 19:09:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cr29f/craving_chips_and_gravy/
---
Just drink a whole fucking mug of gravy. The whole fucking thing. Why am I like this.

[Discussion] #Discussion Does Anyone Else Feel Like Recovery is Hell?
/u/chachival
Created: Mon Sep 3 19:05:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cr194/discussion_does_anyone_else_feel_like_recovery_is/
---
It could be that because I’ve been dying to binge (and subsequently purge) all day but recovery really sucks. I didnt have many close friends before recovery, and now that I am avoiding triggers I lost many friends I thought were close now. I’ve havent told anyone and it’s so hard for me. I feel so alone and this is just really hard to not give in. Basically while feeling v sad and sorry for myself, how can I get through recovery while I’m completely alone in this?

I just wanna look hot when I see this guy 😭
/u/mks_993
Created: Mon Sep 3 19:03:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cr0ht/i_just_wanna_look_hot_when_i_see_this_guy/
---
So I’m meeting up with this guy in exactly 18 days (long story, but the abbreviated version is: we matched on tinder, and our schedules don’t line up until ~2 1/2 weeks from now bc of traveling, etc)

But he’s literally my DREAM GUY. He’s super hot, and he’s a musician ... basically my kryptonite. Lol

Anyway, I suck at restricting normally, but when there’s an end goal in mind (like this date) I’m way more motivated.

I’m 5’6 and my cw is 133 (bleh) but if I stick to 800-1000/day, which is probably a lot to most people here but it’s the lowest I can do without ending up bingeing, how much do you think I could lose? I also do exercise (not intense cardio though, but 3-4 mile walks everyday)

Thoughts??? If I have to go lower.... I can try. I want this guy so damn bad. Hahha




i’ve only eaten a clementine and drank 2 hot teas today
/u/iamacrazycatlady
Created: Mon Sep 3 18:52:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cqxng/ive_only_eaten_a_clementine_and_drank_2_hot_teas/
---
why do i still feel like a fat piece of shit lol

[Rant/Rave] My roommate got the food I’ve been craving
/u/comrade_toastboy [65" | CW 119| GW 115 | UGW 110 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 3 18:37:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cqtp9/my_roommate_got_the_food_ive_been_craving/
---
There’s this food truck that comes on campus on weekends and they serve fries and and fried food. I’ve been craving it’s since I’ve been back but I haven’t been able to bring myself to get it. So i was happy that i got to smell it. Maybe I’ll fast Thursday evening to Friday evening and eat it.

[Discussion] high cal to low cal?
/u/dollydomer [Height 5'5 | CW 109 lbs| Weight Lost 15 lbs | Gender F]
Created: Mon Sep 3 18:27:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cqr3g/high_cal_to_low_cal/
---
(cant figure out a good title) what are some ways that you guys make usually high calorie foods lower cals? like making your own tortilla chips from low cal tortillas ..

[Discussion] What’s up with the double edged sword called weight loss?
/u/AnnahxD [5'9" CW137 GW127 | F21]
Created: Mon Sep 3 18:25:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cqqgo/whats_up_with_the_double_edged_sword_called/
---
Can someone please tell me why in a certain sub for progress pics if you post your end goal as still in the over weight range everyone is totally cool with that, like I’ve seen people borderline obese stating to have met their goal and no one comments BUT if you are even close to the low end of your healthy BMI everyone will call you out almost immediately? I’m talking not even officially underweight, just on the low end. What the heck is up?

Weigh-in went surprisingly well!!
/u/i-want-to-be-little [5’2” | 18F | CW: 117 | GW: 105]
Created: Mon Sep 3 18:15:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cqns5/weighin_went_surprisingly_well/
---
So last month I was bitching on here about weigh-in for fall season of my sport. Well guess what? The scale at sports medicine is .5 pounds lower than my scale at home, and I weighed in at 116.9 pounds! I started off at 125 two weeks ago (mostly water weight but it was very stubborn water weight) and I’m so proud of myself for making it through this weight-loss sprint. Last year I was 119, so this is some progress. Most people gain weight between yearly weigh-ins, and I think this number is really good for my prospects on this team.

I’m going to go get drunk now. Here’s to a good fall season!

Does adding a flavor to a diet soda add calories?
/u/conuretrash [5'4" | 165 | rotund | -30 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 3 18:13:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cqni8/does_adding_a_flavor_to_a_diet_soda_add_calories/
---
Hey guys, my school has a soda machine dispenser thing. It has Diet Pepsi and all the normal soda drinks. You can add flavors (vanilla, strawberry, etc.) to the diet soda but I’m not sure if this adds calories? I’ve been choosing Diet Pepsi with vanilla but now I’m freaked I’ve been adding sugar or something. Help ya peep out please :)

Scale batteries are dead and it’s giving me major anxiety
/u/thingsarestranger [5’2” | CW: 125 | -35 | GW:95 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 3 18:08:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cqlsa/scale_batteries_are_dead_and_its_giving_me_major/
---
I have no idea how much I weigh rn and my bf is coming to see me tonight. I’ve been eating a lot lately and I’m just afraid I’ll look super fat so I wanted to weigh myself so I can know if I gained or not. The stupid batteries died on my scale today so I have no idea how much I weigh. Torn between wearing something super baggy to look not huge (but my bf said when I wear huge clothes it isn’t “flattering”) or wearing something form fitting to hope it slims me down. UGH. He’s going to want to have sex and i feel so uncomfortable in my disgusting fat body rn I don’t even want him to see me naked or touch me sos

[Rant/Rave] back at college, depressed
/u/smallpaint [6'2" | god help me | M]
Created: Mon Sep 3 17:53:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cqhvf/back_at_college_depressed/
---
I’m 6’2”, 193(before today) pounds, and 19yo.

That said, I can’t fucking cope anymore. I go on Grindr just to be ghosted / sometimes weakly complimented by guys who barely looked at my photo. There are lots of times where I delusionally feel attractive enough to chat with someone but as soon as they ask me to come over I panic.

I don’t want an STI. I don’t want somebody more attractive (even if heavier) to see my body. I want to rot in my apartment with my juul and my homework and my protein bars. And then sometimes, like today, I end up binging and then I don’t even have the happiness of looking a little better the next morning.

I don’t know what to do, guys. If I get to 170lbs (sort of a GW for me) will I suddenly be capable of living somewhat normally? Will I always just be a prisoner of my own crushing thoughts? Is fixing my body enough, or is my face even worse?

I’m sorry that this isn’t really interesting content for the sub I’m just feeling so exhausted & wondered how you guys deal with intimacy / relationships while having an ED.

[Rant/Rave] My favourite thing about travelling to the USA from overseas.
/u/CalmConcern [5'9" | 54kg/119lbs | Female]
Created: Mon Sep 3 17:46:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cqg3c/my_favourite_thing_about_travelling_to_the_usa/
---
... nutrition info/calories provided for most popular restaurants!! I never eat out at home if I have a choice because it makes it makes me so anxious to try to track without certainty. But i was able to eat out with a lot more ease because I could look up the nutrition information online/on the menus and plan accordingly. :')

I know this might be the norm for most countries, but it isn't in mine, so it really helped me enjoy my holiday!! Just needed to rave about this because I was so chuffed!



Anyone else in here in their 30's have BED and unable to think how they would even look at GW?
/u/confused123456
Created: Mon Sep 3 17:23:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cq9zx/anyone_else_in_here_in_their_30s_have_bed_and/
---
I keep bingeing thinking whats the point but I'm so large that if I lost 100lbs to be normal weight again I don't even know how I would look like... a melted candle? Then I go what's the point and binge. My life is shit anyway.

[Rant/Rave] Mom walked in on a binge
/u/killingtiimee
Created: Mon Sep 3 16:38:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cpxz4/mom_walked_in_on_a_binge/
---
My mom walked in my room at 3 am to see my bed covered in Twix rappers. I started yelling and crying, “Please leave! Please leave!”
She was so confused asking, “what are you so embarrassed about? It’s okay?”
God. Does anyone else try and hide food? Even if I’m eating alone, I will hide all reminisce of it. Eating is such a shameful act to me.

Overweight
/u/heyimbored_
Created: Mon Sep 3 16:35:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cpx72/overweight/
---
So I’m overweight/obese, still have a while to go until normal/under. But the fact that I don’t look anorexic makes me feel a bit isolated and jealous of all the overweight girls in the community and I was wondering if anyone else felt like this?

[Rant/Rave] fReSHmAn fiFTeEn
/u/aplanetkid [5'7" | 139.4 | 21.76 | GW 110 | Male]
Created: Mon Sep 3 16:23:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cpu1h/freshman_fifteen/
---
i just started college and it seems like everyone i talk to is telling me about the freshman fifteen and that "everyone gets it" etc etc etc.

now, i see some kids eating absolute garbage in the dining hall and i have no doubt they're going to gain weight. but hearing that shit just makes me twice as determined to lose 15 (hopefully like 30) pounds, whoops 😂

[Discussion] Does anyone else drink bullion cubes like tea? They are only 5 calories and it helps me ton when I’m craving salt.
/u/beeeleave
Created: Mon Sep 3 16:14:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cprlt/does_anyone_else_drink_bullion_cubes_like_tea/
---


i need help how to not empty out my fridge at night
/u/-sadgarden [Height | CW | BMI | Weight Lost | Gender]
Created: Mon Sep 3 16:14:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cprh8/i_need_help_how_to_not_empty_out_my_fridge_at/
---
like srly. EVEN when i had totally normal meals at day and reached my recommended calorie goal, i still cant avoid adding like 500-1000 cals after going to sleep 😭
when i wake up in the middle of the night or am about to fall asleep i basically have no control over my thoughts. and not being restricted by thoughts is the signal for my brain to just go and binge.
this is fucking frustrating, especially since i cant plan ahead for this.
and theres the issue with "do i log these for today or tomorrow?". like ive gone to sleep already so the day has passed. but the next day hasnt begun?? and i also dont want to wake up and already have x amount of cals logged for the day.
ughhhhhhhhhh

[Rant/Rave] Labor Day meal semi-averted
/u/7M7j7KGMM8uuwNnW [5'3" | CW 153 | GW 120 | BMI 27 | -14 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 3 16:01:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cpnz0/labor_day_meal_semiaverted/
---
Was at my in-laws for Labor Day dinner. I’d had a normal lunch (by non-ED standards) and was feeling stuck. Like, how can I avoid dinner but not arouse suspicion?

Ate my dinner, decided I was going to purge, ate desert because why the fuck not, it’s coming back out anyway. Snuck away downstairs and purged about half.

Balance in the universe has been restored. Back to my normal fasting routine tomorrow!

Fuck calories, I have a GW to hit.

[Rant/Rave] Had a weird day yesterday
/u/sorryqueen [5'2" | 105lbs | 19.11 | 30lbs | 23F | 🍑sorryqueen]
Created: Mon Sep 3 16:00:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cpnqx/had_a_weird_day_yesterday/
---
Let me just timeline this out for yall.

In the morning I made muffins. We had a pool party coming up later and I decided to say "fuck it" and let myself have the day. I made blueberry muffins and put two on a plate: one for me, one for the boyfriend. I also brought the butter over, because I put some butter on my blueberry muffins. I asked him if he wanted any and he said "HAHA NO! I don't want it to be like, 800 calories! HA!"

Oh ok, one small muffin and a small pat of butter is not even close to 800 calories, but thanks for making my little cheat day feel fucking awful from the start.

So I said something along the lines of "Wow, that was fucking rude." and sat there all pissed off while he started apologizing.

Then, if that wasn't enough, I told him I think I have back fat, which I totally do. He then started pinching all the places on his body saying he was fat so I should be talking.

Oh ok, invalidate what I'm saying and feeling. Great response.

So I told him to drop it and just kind of sat in silence while we finished breakfast.

Then, the pool party was supposed to start at noon. People didn't show up until 1pm or later. I cannot fucking stand when people are late. I'm never late, it's so rude. But I digress.

Since people didn't show until later, my boyfriend and I started snacking on the food we prepared for people. I shoved apple slices, hummus, pita chips, and even meatballs (I'm a vegetarian so UGH) into my face because everyone probably hates me and that's why they were late.

So once a few people showed, we started getting ready to head to the pool. I put on my bathing suit and it was...loose? Even though I was eating like a madwoman? Uh, whatever, I'll take it.

At the pool, everyone started talking about dinner. Uh, what? We just ate lunch and snacks? Ok, sure, dinner. Suggestions were: McDonalds, Panda Express, or Olive Garden. The party decides on Olive Garden.

Great, so now in addition to being fat, I'm going to broke. Nice. What I wanted.

So we all head to Olive Garden. I order alfredo because I hate myself. Ate about 1/2 of it. My boyfriend wants the rest of it, so I ask for a box to take it home. They bring me a box and anOTHER WHOLE ENTREE OF ALFREDO BECAUSE ITS THE STUPID "BUY ONE TAKE ONE" DEAL. Fine, whatever. I'll just eat it all and add another breadstick on top for good measure.

So we get home and I'm in a shitty mood, shocking, I know. My boyfriend and I sit on the couch because #foodcoma. He asks if I want ice cream. I say no.

\-End Scene-

I mean. JFC. Is that a normal person's day? Because fuck that.

[Discussion] DAE get weird about touching their own body?
/u/planetskinny
Created: Mon Sep 3 16:00:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cpnmq/dae_get_weird_about_touching_their_own_body/
---
TW - body dysmorphia and semi-detailed imagery of said body dysmorphia

okay, so let me explain if you have NO IDEA what i’m talking about.

my theory is that it’s a side effect of bad body image/body dysmorphia. like, being able to feel all of the fat that hangs off your bones kind of body image. so when you touch yourself (not in that way!), you just kind of cringe and feel repulsed by your own body.

for example, i was trying to sleep a few nights ago but my thighs and arms were touching so i couldn’t. i felt so disgusted with myself that it probably took an hour to fall asleep.

TDLR: is anyone else not able to touch their own body sometimes? i think it’s because of body dysmorphia. i was trying to sleep but couldn’t because i could feel my own body (?).

Work is my biggest binge trigger.
/u/DramaticDoubt5
Created: Mon Sep 3 15:48:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cpkei/work_is_my_biggest_binge_trigger/
---
I work alone almost everyday (for atleast 4-5 hours) in a small store that barely gets any customers. Being alone with even a small selection of food in front of me is enough to spark the urge to binge.

I also have the privilege of getting a free protein bar for every shift I work. I take advantage of this often, but don't feel satisfied after one so I end buying 5+ bars extra on top of other snacks like chips and candy.

I've ended up eating almost all the free chocolates that are only meant for customers. The store has also ran out of bars much faster than anticipated and sometimes they question it. I feel so guilty, but don't want to confess that I'm the one who eats everything.

To make matters worse, this is probably one of the better jobs I have because there's no bathrooms to clean, no uniforms to wear and most of my time is spent making phone calls, doing paper work, dusting and organizing shelves. It does get very boring most weekends and evenings which leaves me with a stronger urge to binge.

I've contemplated going back to a job that's crappier, but has a lot more customers and employees around, just to avoid binging. Any advice?

[Help] Need help finding the lowest calorie option!
/u/fernsandfoxes [5'5.5"|CW:109|BMI:18|GW:100|19F]
Created: Mon Sep 3 15:27:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cpeh6/need_help_finding_the_lowest_calorie_option/
---
I’m going to a vegan cafe with friends for lunch tomorrow and I’m freaking out cause there’s no calorie counts. Any guesses as to what the safest option might be?

[Menu](http://tnkvegancafe.com/gallery/)


[Help] losing pounds but gaining inches?
/u/cole-ck
Created: Mon Sep 3 15:14:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cpano/losing_pounds_but_gaining_inches/
---
today i weighed in at ~2 lbs less than i did last time, but my waist measurement has gone up an inch or two?? i don’t track my waist measurements very strictly (yet) but i remember that last time was lower than this time even though i actually weigh less now. have any of you guys had the same problem??


[Help] You guys, I can’t stop eating/buying chocolate! I just ate a whole 6oz huge bar! Can’t stop buying the shit!!!! Wtf is wrong with me and why can’t I just be a normal fucking person!!!!
/u/madeinny88 [5'8" | 125 | 19.0 | 30/F ]
Created: Mon Sep 3 15:13:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cpaja/you_guys_i_cant_stop_eatingbuying_chocolate_i/
---
I feel disgusting and straight up toxic after eating the whole bar. It’s called Tony’s Chocolonely and I get the milk chocolate sea salt caramel crunch bar. It’s the only chocolate I get anymore, it’s like the last thing that I just cannot stop getting. It’s also between 5 and 6 dollars per bar depending on the store.

I promised myself I wouldn’t buy any more chocolate/candy after my birthday and I broke that promise, I bought 2 big ass bars of the amazing chocolate I mentioned a few days ago, and just ate one of them in one sitting (?!!!) one bar is like 1,000 calories. Why am I such a gluttonous hog?

How can I be smarter and not buy any more sugar? I’m trying to eat a healthy diet with minimal sugar and failing MISERABLY! It’s so disgusting! I’ve successfully quit cigarettes, alcohol, heroin, cocaine, adderall and ephedrine, but never once have successfully quit fucking eating sugar. It’s pathetic.

I feel soooo sick to my stomach and feel a massive fucking migraine coming on. Worst part is I wasn’t even enjoying the second half of the bar, in fact I pretty much stopped enjoying it after the first few bites to be honest 😖

[Discussion] does anyone eat less when they don’t count calories via app?
/u/dollydomer [Height 5'5 | CW 109 lbs| Weight Lost 15 lbs | Gender F]
Created: Mon Sep 3 15:11:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cp9uc/does_anyone_eat_less_when_they_dont_count/
---
i find that when i track my calories and scan the barcode and measure food out i eat more because i can see what my actual calorie count for the day is and justify eating more. when i don’t track or even look at the calorie counts on foods or measure anything out i tend to round WAY UP and eat way less. i know i round up but i’m too scared to go close to the prolly actual calorie count of a food

Cravings Suck
/u/mabver321 [5'1 | CW 143 | GW 108| F]
Created: Mon Sep 3 15:01:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cp6x4/cravings_suck/
---
So i've been craving like the fattest burger imaginable for a week now and it tearing me apart (ಥ_ಥ)


I haven’t eaten a thing today I’m so proud of myself.
/u/EDm-
Created: Mon Sep 3 15:00:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cp6o5/i_havent_eaten_a_thing_today_im_so_proud_of_myself/
---
I was out with my friends and they all had such nice food and they wanted to share with me. But I said no each time and I have only drank water too. I feel so good about it and I don’t really feel that shit physically too

[Rant/Rave] [Trigger Warning] I fucked up bad today.
/u/kayasawyer [ 4'11 | 119.8 | 18.5 | 20 | 22 F]
Created: Mon Sep 3 14:54:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cp4yl/trigger_warning_i_fucked_up_bad_today/
---
I purged 3 times today. For the first time ever. I found the perfect mix of things to help me succeed in doing that which I obviously will not share. I just hope I have the strength to not do it again. It literally happened 3 times but I have such an addictive personality I’m afraid I’m going to do it again and again and again. I’m going to try as hard as I fucking can not to. Maybe I can do it. Maybe I can.

[Rant/Rave] I feel like shit, so here is a rant (-:
/u/slightlyannoyed0 [5'5 | CW: 123 | GW: 100 | UGW: 90]
Created: Mon Sep 3 14:44:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cp217/i_feel_like_shit_so_here_is_a_rant/
---
Does anyone ever feel like ABSOLUTE shit after eating? I want to cry everytime I do eat, I just cried from eating a damn banana. I want to lose so much weight, and I don't know how to because my fatass loves to eat! I feel like I HAVE to be the skinniest person in the room, and on top of that, I have problems with wanting to be 5'5 and 80 pounds because that sounds like the definition of "beautiful" and "perfect" for my height, not what I am at now. I want to lose 10 pounds before September ends, maybe even more. I am so desperate to lose that weight, that my grades are already terrible focusing my time on not eating and day-dreaming during class about being skinny and how other people in the classroom are skinnier than me. There are times where I think "I have an eating disorder, these thoughts mean nothing and I am better than this", but then there is always that large portion of my conscience telling me "no one will believe you have an eating disorder or give you attention until you are smaller than everyone else". I'm just so sick and tired of this and being upset every night, and I have this feeling of if I weren't so fucking fat, I wouldn't be upset. I just don't know how to help myself anymore, and no one else does either. Whether that help means being close to death trying to be skinny or not, I just wish I were somewhat normal, if that's even a thing.

Sorry if that was a long post... I just feel worthless right now

c/s chocolate macaroons
/u/pastelmang [ 5'10 | cw167.5 | bmi24.0 | gw150 |-82.5 | 24f]
Created: Mon Sep 3 14:40:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cp0om/cs_chocolate_macaroons/
---
that are 200 cals for 6... terrified of how much got sucked in by my salvia. i've been doing too good to have this fuck me up. i broke though, there's so much bad food here cause we had guests all weekend. big fuck.

[Discussion] DAE feel like they’re drowning when they lay down?
/u/spacekookiyo [5'4 | CW: the fat friend | -50 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 3 14:38:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cp08b/dae_feel_like_theyre_drowning_when_they_lay_down/
---
I feel all weight of the fat when I lay down. Like my real face is buried under these chubby cheeks and double chin.

[Discussion] "Controlled binge" went as planned.... cool?
/u/LillyWhiteAndFrozen [5'4 | 167 lbs | -10.2 lbs |29.23 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 3 14:36:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cozp1/controlled_binge_went_as_planned_cool/
---
I've been restricting pretty successfully over the past several weeks, which is longer than I've gone without giving up or falling back into binging and purging. I'm trying to be more lenient with myself to prevent a total loss of control.

I felt the warning signs of a major BP session today, so I decided to have a controlled binge. I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to come get junk food with me, and then I had a meal worth 1,104 calories. It wasn't NEARLY the amount of calories I would have eaten if I'd let myself really binge, and I didn't purge, which is cool.

I don't know. I still feel like a failure and SO SICK and hopefully I won't eat anything else today, which would put me well under maintenance.

I don't know whether I should feel proud or disgusted. A bacon cheeseburger and fries, really?

TLDR; fat girl binged and will still bitch about not meeting goal weight next month

Started the month with a binge weekend. Gained 7 pounds
/u/Call_me_Cassius [5'5" | CW: 🐖 | GW: 98lb | -45lb | M21]
Created: Mon Sep 3 14:33:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9coyqx/started_the_month_with_a_binge_weekend_gained_7/
---
TL;DR I had a binge weekend, scale went up 7 pounds even though I think technically I ate at a deficit, but the anxiety that has been pushing my restriction hasn't come out to play and I'm worried I'm going to keep binging and I genuinely am not sure how I want to react to these events

It's been two months since I've had a real binge. I'm out at college, and my mom came out to visit and wanted to go out for dinner every night and also buy me a bunch of groceries. So I decided I was gonna let it be a weekend where I ate what I wanted and didn't restrict and didn't weigh myself and didn't take laxatives or anything. Of course, I couldn't stop myself from counting calories in my head. Friday my total was 1,940. Saturday was 2,770. Yesterday was 3,220. 7,930 for the weekend.

Now, I trust my fitbit's calories burned, because it's generally pretty accurate. And we were doing a lot of hiking and climbing this weekend and whatever, and I have a high TDEE. So when my fitbit tells me my average for the weekend was 3,584 a day, I believe it. And even if I use the absolute lowest estimate I can find for my BMR, I only ate enough over that to have gained only about 0.6lb the whole weekend. And last night, at midnight, when binge weekend was officially over, I took laxatives, and I have completely drained myself of massive amounts of food waste.

So why, if the weight of the food is out of me, and I only overate by calories by a max of 2,270 calories and almost assuredly significantly less than that and possibly even was at that much of a deficit, if even my "I'm eating so much I'm physically ill" numbers aren't that bad, WHY THE FUCK DID I JUST STEP ON THE SCALE AND WEIGH 7 POUNDS KORE THAN I DID FRIDAY MORNING.

I know it's water weight. It has to be, right? The numbers don't add up for it to be anything else. It was a lot of carbs, a lot of salt. But holy fuck, that means before I took the laxatives I was probably in a whole nother decade of weight! I was two pounds from a goal and now I'm nine.

7lb. 7 pounds. Seven pounds. Even if it's just all water weight, it'll take me a week to undo. And now my apartment is full of food, and the front of my brain is screaming "you have to fast to fix this as quickly as possible!" and the back of my brain is screaming "quick, eat all the other food before we starve again!" and I genuinely don't know what I'll do. I don't know what I want to do. I want the number to go back down of course, but do I use this as a chance to try to balance out my carb intake to avoid getting so spooked by water weight in the future? Do I use this as a turning point in my strategy, just give myself a calorie limit and stick to it and trust the numbers and be patient instead of my current strategy of weighing myself every day, fasting if the number hasn't gone down, and eating as little as possible to avoid ruining the progress when it does?

I didn't think I'd make it the weekend without weighing myself, but I did. I was able to count up the calories in my head without immediately switching to restrict mode the second I passed 300. I was able to reassure myself, "you're a young adult man who just went bouldering for 10 hours and carried his adult sister on his back for most of it, you can eat 3,000 calories, it won't kill you" and I listened and believed it. But stepping on the scale and seeing the number that much higher was just a shocking reminder of why I *don't* do those things. If I weigh myself every day, the number can't shock me so much with its fluctuations. If I decide to eat less when I've only eaten a little to begin with, I'll never eat a lot. If I never eat a lot, I'll never have to worry about whether or not my activity justified the food.

But what scares me the most is that it's not bothering me as much as I think it should. Intellectually, of course, losing my mind. But viscerally, I'm not that upset. I'm not upset at all. I'm hungry. My brain says restrict, my body says keep eating. And without the anxiety pushing me from my gut, I don't know if my brain can win.

I only need to repeat this weekend six times to undo all of my progress. But there are eggrolls in my freezer and I want them, and there's only 1,040 calories in the whole box.

Can I bitch for a sec about my vape?
/u/dorisholliday
Created: Mon Sep 3 14:17:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cotqd/can_i_bitch_for_a_sec_about_my_vape/
---
Because dude at the vape store told me Phix has more flavors than Juul, so I bought it. He was wrong.

:-( :-( :-(

Sorry if this a low effort post. I'm just really sad now. I had to get it off my chest.

[Discussion] How’s day 3 going for the other September goal setters?
/u/enviose
Created: Mon Sep 3 14:16:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cot9m/hows_day_3_going_for_the_other_september_goal/
---
I’m not sure about you guys but I’m doing OMAD this whole month and trying to keep things below 1000 cal/day. Is anyone else doing a 30 day September challenge? Things have been going alright for me so far. I topped out at just below 900 yesterday and felt almost too full after my meal, while during the day I only got distractingly hungry like twice. Drinking a ton of water really helps and so does going for a run (the Nike run club app will make you a workout plan!) because I swear running is an appetite suppressant (plus it makes you thirsty so you drink more water).

Anyway, I know a few people here mentioned going zero binge for September, which is also my primary goal, so I wanted to check in and see how everyone’s doing. Are things easy, hard, weird, boring?

[Rant/Rave] Woke up to a 2 lb gain...
/u/catalystrose [5'1 | 114 | BMI:21.5| GW 98 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 3 14:01:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9coou1/woke_up_to_a_2_lb_gain/
---
My weight increased by two pounds this morning, which came as a shock since I hadn't binged the day before or anything. I had gotten invited to a BBQ potluck, made a whole casserole of homemade mac and cheese, and let everyone else finish it so I wouldn't eat any then or later. There was so much food there, but I barely had any. I was so proud of myself, and really upset about the gain.

But, I just found out that I'm on my period! A whole week early, so I wasn't expecting it, but I usually gain a little around my period. Thankful that it's just water weight, hopefully! Hope y'all are having a wonderful day.

Anyone else anxious about the holiday food already?
/u/ButterflyThin [66" | 177 | 28.68 | -73 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 3 13:58:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9coo2w/anyone_else_anxious_about_the_holiday_food_already/
---
I am HYPED for the holidays but already stressed about all the food.

A post about recovery
/u/throwaway66667843 [5'2 | in recovery ]
Created: Mon Sep 3 13:24:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cods1/a_post_about_recovery/
---
Hey guys, I haven't posted here in a really long time. I used to post here avidly, and I've had posts get over 100 upvotes. You get what I mean.

A little background: I was very very deep in my ED exactly a year ago. Things went from concerning to extremely bad from August 17' to December 17'. I was in IOP from the end of October until December, and then stepped up to PHP. I was supposed to go back to college in January 18', but my treatment team essentially said that if I didn't go into Residential treatment I'd not be able to make it even a month into the semester. I was in Residential from January until March. Then did PHP, then IOP, until May. Now I'm just in therapy.

It's been an absolute BITCH. But I'd like to post here to give you some hope.

I was at my absolute worst back in January. Every day felt like a bad fever dream. I had bald spots, bruises everywhere, blue fingernails, etc. I couldn't go a single day without purging or restricting. Life felt so awful. Yet I still saw myself as this obese whale. I was severely underweight.

After going through treatment my life has only gotten better and better. I still struggle with body dysmorphia and some days are worse than others, but I would not change a thing about what I decided to do. Going into a treatment program changed my life, and I am so grateful. I'm learning to accept this new form I have now, and honestly I can say I am infinitely happier than I was a year ago.

Before I did it, I was terrified. I was resistant. I fought the program every step of the way, until finally it was so bad that I had the chance of being forcibly made to seek a higher level of care. It took every bit of strength I had to get through treatment.

If any of you are seeking out treatment options, please DM me or feel free to comment. I hope the best for each and every one of you. I know how incredibly difficult it is to seek out help and start the process of recovery, but I promise you that in time it will only make you feel better about yourself and your life. I used to restrict extremely heavily, and purge daily. Now I feel as though I can eat fear foods, not exercise obsessively, I don't purge, and I don't think about calories as much.

I love you all endlessly, as always. I hope nothing but the absolute best for you. <3

[Help] Need help finding the lowest calorie option!
/u/fernsandfoxes [5'5.5"|CW:109|BMI:18|GW:100|19F]
Created: Mon Sep 3 13:16:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cobba/need_help_finding_the_lowest_calorie_option/
---
http://tnkvegancafe.com/gallery/

Permission to scream ?
/u/ghostcandi
Created: Mon Sep 3 13:11:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9co9wz/permission_to_scream/
---
This has been my third attempt at fasting in three days . All of which started off well and went into a gradual descent around 6. How is it possible to be social and not eat ?? Why can’t I turn down food ?? I’ve just binged around 1500 calories - probably more.

I was planning on purging it, until I realise I physically can’t make myself sick. So that time slot has been filled with looking in the mirror and crying !! I can feel myself getting fatter but I seriously cannot stop eating . Kinda hating myself more everyday.

On the bright side I ate a whole pack of sugar free wafers. Maybe I’ll shit myself into oblivion ?

Back to (new) School
/u/Grellous8 [5'6.5" | Fatkunt (CW: ~150lbs.) | Better (110lbs.) | 16M]
Created: Mon Sep 3 13:02:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9co78z/back_to_new_school/
---
Back to school is tomorrow. Tell me what you guys think about wearing the red wristband thingy to see if there's anyone from here that we go to school with. Meh...

[Discussion] Does this work?
/u/ManWithTheHands
Created: Mon Sep 3 12:57:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9co5ny/does_this_work/
---
I heard that having a shot of apple cider vinegar kills appetite, does it really work?

[Rant/Rave] DAE feel unattractive even though you're close to your goal weight?
/u/Butterfly_Rose
Created: Mon Sep 3 12:55:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9co50a/dae_feel_unattractive_even_though_youre_close_to/
---
My anniversary is coming up and I want to dress nice. I'm trying on all my nice dresses but they're all too loose and saggy, I look like I'm wearing bags :(

In a way it's a good thing I suppose, that I'm too small for them now. In fact I reached a BMI of 18 today!

Just sucks that I still feel unattractive even though I'm still close to my goal, I don't want him to think that I'm gross :(

Is anyone else going through/ have gone through this?

[Help] phenylephrine vs ephedrine? (EC stacking)
/u/lightningmcqueef69 [5'5" | 119.6 | 19.75 | 18 | enby ]
Created: Mon Sep 3 12:53:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9co448/phenylephrine_vs_ephedrine_ec_stacking/
---
has anyone tried sudafed (phenylephrine) as a substitute for bronkaid (ephedrine)? i'm too chicken to ask for bronkaid so i bought sudafed and vivarin but i've never had sudafed when i'm not actually sick and i'm kinda terrified of it fucking me up somehow; i'm on hour 63 of an 84 hour minimum fast and i have work in the morning so i'm scrambling to find a combo that will keep me awake and alert enough to get through my early ass shift. tia 💗💙💛

Busy College Students, what do you eat when you study?
/u/Paisleybabe
Created: Mon Sep 3 12:51:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9co3qi/busy_college_students_what_do_you_eat_when_you/
---
This may sound so dumb to most people but I need food when I'm studying like before I relapsed I really didn't care how bad the food was or the quantity of what I was eating because it motivated me to sit there for 5+ hours. Also now that school started I seriously have no time for anything it feels like so now my hobbies are put on the side which sucks.

&#x200B;

But my main question is how do you guys continue to restrict when going to school fulltime and taking hard classes. Its like I cant put in half as much effort into restricting because I'm so focused on school. GAH

back to school stresses? (college)
/u/tamootto
Created: Mon Sep 3 12:51:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9co3jt/back_to_school_stresses_college/
---
is anybody here going back to school and is in full panic mode? socializing is all about food in the first few days of school, i’ve been doing my best on restricting and it’s going fine but it’s fueled by my stress and panic about the freshman 15. does anyone have any recommendations on keeping this stress at a low so i can just focus on my ED

it was also really hard to word how i’m feeling without sounding like i’m fat shaming my peers. :/ i’m not upset at them for eating but every time i watch them eat/go out i have this thought in my head that their stupid for not realizing what their doing. does anyone have any tips on not being judge mental of other people’s eating habits? mine alone are enough to deal with.

[Rant/Rave] Is anyone else already freaking out about holiday food?
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2 | 150 | Aiming for 146 by 9/25 | -12| f21]
Created: Mon Sep 3 12:41:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9co0nm/is_anyone_else_already_freaking_out_about_holiday/
---
Autumn is nigh and people around me are already talking about Halloween, thanksgiven, christmas foods. In my family we basically have a solid 2-3 months of constant baked goods and rich food between various get togethers and just for the hell of it.

My first goal weight is projected to be achieved by November/December just for added fun! I'm just not ready for the holidays, Maybe by then I'd be okay at eating around maintenance for awhile, but internally I'm still freaking out about food by other people and uncountable stuff :|

Supplements?
/u/MOSEDalt [5'1 | 104.2 | 19.2 | GW 84 | NB]
Created: Mon Sep 3 12:39:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cnzxe/supplements/
---
What supplements do y’all use? I’ve just started high restricting and I’m def feeling the effects.

I FOUND A RARE GEM, AND I GOT FIVE MORE!!
/u/Chocomelandcookies
Created: Mon Sep 3 12:31:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cnxh6/i_found_a_rare_gem_and_i_got_five_more/
---
https://i.redd.it/jxjcn9zhh2k11.jpg

[Rant/Rave] I don't know if it's okay to be upset
/u/flightlesspotato [5'5 | CW: 134 | 22.4 ]
Created: Mon Sep 3 12:18:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cnti6/i_dont_know_if_its_okay_to_be_upset/
---
My friends threw me a surprise farewell party today because I'm moving to another continent completely for college. I really should be happy. I am. I've never been important enough before for anyone to even bring me out for a surprise dinner on my birthday or anything. I've never had anyone plan anything like this for me before. So is it wrong for me to feel like complete shit at the end of the day because when we were taking photos one of them said that I look fat?

I've been binging the past week and I've noticed my weight gain. I've gone up about 6-8lbs over the past 2 weeks and I know that my face shows my weight loss and gain first, but tonight I was really feeling quite ugly and I had to take so many photos. I'm so angry at myself for feeling like shit when my friends put in so much effort to do something nice for me and I had to be all sensitive over one comment. In his defence, he doesn't know that I have an ED and in my culture it's very normal to comment on other people's bodies.

But I can't stop myself from thinking about it and how I've really let myself go over the past couple of weeks and I feel my clothes getting tighter but now it feels like his words have wrapped a cord around my neck and it's getting hard to breathe.

Just last week I underwent surgery for a whole slew of intestinal problems and I was told that I might have colon cancer, and it really shook me to my core. I'm thankfully cancer-free, but I was told that my gastritis may develop into stomach cancer if I don't watch out. One of the causes include skipping meals. Actually, almost all of my conditions happened because of my ED. This isn't fucking helping I just want to not die and not be fat why is this so difficult haha

I just feel so guilty for not being happy.

[Help] What laxatives work for you?
/u/iidktorii
Created: Mon Sep 3 12:08:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cnqho/what_laxatives_work_for_you/
---
What lax actually works???? What do you take and how often??

Self care is not weighing yourself the day after bingeing
/u/trillbabe
Created: Mon Sep 3 12:06:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cnpvc/self_care_is_not_weighing_yourself_the_day_after/
---
It was so hard

[Goal] Holy fuck I’m officially underweight
/u/blmatsuu [5'2 | 100 | 18.3 | -51 | FTM]
Created: Mon Sep 3 11:54:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cnm8y/holy_fuck_im_officially_underweight/
---
My old scales were breaking so I got new ones today; thought I was 103 pounds, but now I’m 100!!! Doesn’t sound like much but those few pounds were the difference to me being underweight or not and holy shit I’m so excited??? I mean I don’t see a difference between me now and me when I was overweight but idk how to word shit right I’m just really happy!!! And within the next day or two I should be into double digits for the first time since I was around 5, I’m really happy and I’m gonna treat myself to a chicken wrap (~200 cals), I’m just waiting for the chicken to defrost lmfao. This is genuinely the happiest I’ve been with my weight in ages, like I still want to go lower, but I’m proud of myself :’))

[Goal] My lowest weight this year!
/u/rattles-snakes
Created: Mon Sep 3 11:28:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cndyy/my_lowest_weight_this_year/
---
https://i.redd.it/4mp4o4zd62k11.jpg

[Rant/Rave] I can’t stop buying goal clothes
/u/lawsoflife [5'5'' | CW: 173 GW: 110 | -37 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 3 11:20:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cnbcj/i_cant_stop_buying_goal_clothes/
---
Ugh I’ve gained about 5-6 pounds since heading back to school, mostly just from drinking and not being able to work out as much because going to my university’s gym makes me anxious. That’s fine, I can live with it for the most part and will get back into the swing of things sooner or later. But whyyyyy has my new way to cope become buying clothes a size or two too small :-) I think being able to fit into my first set of goal clothes a few weeks ago has flipped the crazy/obsessive switch in my brain

20 pounds down after 6 weeks! But it’s not good enough!
/u/ThermalAnvil [5’4” | SW: 232 | CW: 212]
Created: Mon Sep 3 10:47:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cn16i/20_pounds_down_after_6_weeks_but_its_not_good/
---
Don’t normal people lose 2 pounds a week? So I’m losing a little over 3 pounds a week. But I’m restricting myself! High Restriction for one extra pound??? I’d rather just completely starve than the satisfaction I get from eating one meal only to lose one extra pound!

[Help] Feeling so irritated at night
/u/eva1588
Created: Mon Sep 3 10:17:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cmrzp/feeling_so_irritated_at_night/
---
In the evening I get sooooo irritated. It usually starts about 3 hours after I have my dinner. I have a salad for dinner and a couple bits of chicken. I exercise during the day to create a larger deficit, but idk if it is making restriction more difficult. I do budget calories for a snack before bed so I can sleep but lately the snack isn't doing it for me. I like feel like screaming. I don't know if it is physiological or psychological at this point. I don't physically feel hungry, but but it is like my mind and body can't rest until I feel full or satisfied. Does anyone else get this feeling? What do you do to cope? Do you end of eating something or does the feeling go away on its own?

[Rant/Rave] If I say I’m not hungry it took everything I had to do so, don’t ignore my wishes...
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 95 | 17 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Mon Sep 3 10:01:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cmn18/if_i_say_im_not_hungry_it_took_everything_i_had/
---
I’m at the cottage and my friends step mom is a lovely person but just doesn’t listen to me and now I’m sitting here wanting to cry because she ignored what I said. She asked if I wanted an “egg McMuffin” for breakfast and I said no thank you. I had already eaten a yogurt and a clementine. And yes, I wanted one - they smelled amazing - but I don’t eat bread, or cheese, or egg yolk, like it’s literally a sandwich of fear foods.....fast forward ten minutes she comes out and puts a plate in front of me and says “here you go, I made you one without buttering the bread!” And it’s like....wow ok I appreciate the effort, but the egg is dripping in the butter you fried it in, there’s an unholy amount of cheddar cheese melted all over it, and you replaced the butter with Caesar dressing....but now she’s made it, and put it in front of me, and I can’t get out of it. So I just had to eat it. And now I’m bloated and disgusted and I’ve already been doing nothing but eating all weekend and I’m terrified to weigh myself. I start university in a couple days and all I wanted was to be thin and look good and now I feel like I’m just fat and a failure. Over a sandwich. Whyyyyy

[Help] Controlled binging??
/u/twa1238
Created: Mon Sep 3 09:49:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cmjey/controlled_binging/
---
Okay I have to take up my vacation days this week which is always a nightmare to me when I’m broke and just staying at home. I live alone and I’ve got adhd and without structure it’s all just very chaotic and nerve wracking to say the least and I want to have at least one day of smoking weed and watching adventure time and just stay on the couch to kill time.

I’ve been restricting and fasting a lot lately and I lost weight and I am terrified I’ll binge when I’m high. So I’m thinking of doing it once- but in full control. Like I’ll order JUST a pizza and logg the calories and stuff my face and go right to sleep after and maybe that’ll help not binging uncontrolled and staying strict on restricting?

I can’t purge pizza but I take lax

Do you think this will work or am I kidding myself? I know this sounds stupid but free time is so bad for me, I’m so afraid I’ll binge anyway and I think about just getting it over with tbh (and after that i may feel so gross I won’t need to do it again? Idkkkkk)

Doritos is gaslighting me
/u/MissLovelorn
Created: Mon Sep 3 09:39:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cmgbr/doritos_is_gaslighting_me/
---
Two days ago I got a bag of Doritos from the convenience store in my building, and it was 140 calories per serving, or 420 for the whole bag. I bought the exact same thing today from the exact same store, and the label says 150/serving, or 450 for the bag...

I love my life 🙃🙃🙃🙃

[Rant/Rave] Is this hell?
/u/ManWithTheHands
Created: Mon Sep 3 09:38:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cmg39/is_this_hell/
---
My weight fluctuates by 8 pounds every fucking week, going between restricting and overeating is causing me so much grief but I dont know how to stop, I wish I could just take the parts of me i dont like away.

I told my husband.
/u/dharmaticate
Created: Mon Sep 3 09:23:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cmbig/i_told_my_husband/
---
I've been disordered the entire time he's known me. I've wanted to tell him for a very long time, but there was always an excuse to avoid it.

First I didn't want to tell him before I got skinny so that he couldn't "stop" me.

Then I got skinny, and I still didn't want to tell him so that he wouldn't be stressed before our wedding or during our honeymoon.

Then we got married, and I didn't want to tell him because I didn't want him to think I was hiding it until he couldn't back out.

But I finally told him. I feel like a weight's been lifted off my shoulders.

Middle-aged man is my best ED partner....?
/u/PM_ME_BrusselSprouts [5'3" | CW: 165 | BMI: 30.0 | 33, F]
Created: Mon Sep 3 09:22:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cmbae/middleaged_man_is_my_best_ed_partner/
---
[removed]

My results from majorly restricting, exercising, and being raw vegan for two-three weeks
/u/thinning_bones
Created: Mon Sep 3 09:19:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cmagb/my_results_from_majorly_restricting_exercising/
---
So I went to juvie for running away. I got super depressed and let my mind take full control of me. I started this at ~130lbs. I stopped eating all together for a couple days, and when they noticed, I had to eat at least a little, so I ate maybe an apple and an orange a day. I drank lots of water and read a lot of books in my free time. I worked out by doing squats, planks, hydrant leg lifts, jogging in place, push-ups, three different types of crunches, and butterfly stretches, all with 100 reps each a day. I became obsessed with working out and loved how I looked. I never once touched the food they served because one it was disgusting and two I wouldn’t let myself open my mouth to that shit. I felt amazing for the first time in my life. I had a thigh gap and toned abs and a butt!! My acne went away, my hair looked great, and somehow my depression started to lessen. But then I had to fly home. The clothes I had brought didn’t fit properly but that’s okay. I felt attractive and sexy and so many other great feelings. When I finally arrived home I got to weigh myself. I went down to 116!! I couldn’t believe it. Everything was great until it settled in that I had to stay there for a couple years still. He went back to his old ways and all of my progress went down the drain. Now I’m fat, no thighgap, no abs, no ass, greasy face and hair. I’m feeling worse than ever from eating my stress and feelings away. Help.

[Rant/Rave] I lost a pound over the weekend instead of gaining four
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | CW 120 | GW 115 | UGW 110/115 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 3 09:05:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cm6f0/i_lost_a_pound_over_the_weekend_instead_of/
---
Last weekend when I was with my bf i was up to 120. Idk how, but i ate more this week and somehow managed to lose a pound. Now I’m at 119 and hopefully I can get to 115 by Friday. Today and maybe tomorrow I’ll fast. But I just worry about gaining water weight after it.

[Rant/Rave] I broke my stupid toe aaaaaahhhhhh
/u/hopeless_anon [5'5 | CW: 115 LW: 85 | 17F]
Created: Mon Sep 3 09:04:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cm6bs/i_broke_my_stupid_toe_aaaaaahhhhhh/
---
I’m so upset, yesterday I broke my big toe and it hurts like a mofo and I can barely walk. Now I can’t get all my steps in and I’m so upset even though it’s stupid. :(



[Goal] Back to school, got complimented a lot!!!
/u/s_chill_er [5'7''|CW: 117|GW:110|18.3|18F]
Created: Mon Sep 3 08:56:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cm408/back_to_school_got_complimented_a_lot/
---
Im sorry to brag or something but i always had really low self esteem and not happy with my looks but after today im so happy rn i had to share!!! So I havent seen most of my classmates during the summer because of travelling and i lost around 15lbs in the summer and i was working out almost everyday (i did not lose a lot but i wasnt really that heavy to begin with) I noticed i lost a bit but still couldnt see changes just that im still fat and have to lose a bit more. Im friends with the boys in the class and they kept coming to tell me that i lost so much and they were talking about how hot im and how good in a shape i am and they were talking about me between each other various times!! Im so sorry to ramble but i was so depressed this summer and didnt notice (positive) changes so that i had to share!!! But on the other hand my mind keeps telling me that i cant eat because then i will lose this form...cant win i guess lol .Thank you for letting me share because this is the only place i trust and sorry for my bad english💕💕

Just broke a 3-day fast by ordering $50 worth of Oreo’s and Poptarts and frosting online.
/u/dxylightt [short | 125 | GW: 95 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 3 08:38:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9clyue/just_broke_a_3day_fast_by_ordering_50_worth_of/
---
Why am I like this :)))))

Anyone ever fuck up a fasting streak with ridiculous food/binge choices? Let me hear some and make me feel better please

[Other] Ever been called out by a sweater?
/u/mendozaaaaaa [🍑mytiredeyes🍑]
Created: Mon Sep 3 08:17:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9clt8c/ever_been_called_out_by_a_sweater/
---
https://i.redd.it/efdek89681k11.jpg

I really hate my mom...
/u/aceshighsays [5'2" | +12.2 | LW: 107.8 | GW: 95]
Created: Mon Sep 3 07:35:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9clilk/i_really_hate_my_mom/
---
I saw my parents and aunt yesterday. My aunt saw me and said that I looked fantastic and wanted to take pics of me - I'm pretty sure she's trying to find me a husband. She congratulated me on keeping my figure. I felt uncomfortable and nodded and smiled. My mother said that I had poor manners bc I didn't say thank you. I should prolly mention I'm in my mid 30's...

Later on in the day, I had dinner with my parents. I split a meal with my dad, and we didn't finish it. My mom gave me the remainders to take home. We came home and I saw my parents had a huge tin of chocolates. I took 3 pieces of chocolate while I drank tea. My mom saw me eating the chocolates and said that she's noticed that I'm eating a lot and that I'm getting fat... In the mean time, I'm trying to watch what I eat but I've still gained some weight.



I have lunch plans for today... and I'm considering canceling them. I hate how everything is revolves around food. I STILL don't know how to handle this...

[Rant/Rave] I am not happy with my weight..
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Mon Sep 3 07:33:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cli5f/i_am_not_happy_with_my_weight/
---
and I am reaching a point where it is hard for my weight to drop. Worst of all, I felt like co workers have been taking notice of how I eat and it is making me stressed and self concious. I wanna see how far I can go with my weight. I want to make scarifices even if it means to starve myself of food I love. I am willing to go the distance. You can say, i am kind of desperate for my weight to to down. Besides my co workers noticing how i eat, they have been commenting about my weight. like "too skinny", "you should eat more", "do you not eat because you are scared of eating or do you not eat because you are not hungry".. at first, i feel happy knowing that people care but some of my co workers seem to be overly corncerned and its causing me some stress on my part.. i wish they would just stop and let me be myself for abit. i am aware they find me skinny but i cant convince myself i am skinny but only do better to lose weight and feel happy about it. just ranting .. just wanna lose weight and be satisfied with myself

[Rant/Rave] Greek yogurt is the best
/u/androgynousgoals
Created: Mon Sep 3 07:30:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9clhdl/greek_yogurt_is_the_best/
---
Its taste so good and you can add small fruit to it if you dont like the normal flavor. Its low fat usually and has less sodium and more calcium. Greek yogurt is top quality food.

[Goal] Only 11.7 pounds to go until i’m no longer overweight🙃
/u/turdddburger [5’3 | cw149 | 27.5 | gw100 | f]
Created: Mon Sep 3 07:27:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9clgl8/only_117_pounds_to_go_until_im_no_longer/
---
i’m. so. fucking. surprised????? but happy at the same time??? i’m in the 140s for the first time in 3 YEARS. i’m still a fucking whale, but i’m getting closer and closer to my goal. i’m so excited man

[Discussion] Need a bit of encouragement
/u/softdyke
Created: Mon Sep 3 07:08:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9clccc/need_a_bit_of_encouragement/
---
Hi, I’ve been fasting / heavily restricting the last week and had a day of eating normally/ more than I would like to yesterday as it was my housemates birthday and my girlfriend was really paying attention to what I ate. Trying to fast today and tomorrow but I think my gf might try and make me eat dinner, does anyone have any advice or encouragement ? X

Left residential AMA, am now a fat piece of shit that can’t lose the weight
/u/reallypissedoffrant
Created: Mon Sep 3 06:30:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cl3ai/left_residential_ama_am_now_a_fat_piece_of_shit/
---
hi there. 18F here. sorry for wall of text.
I have had an ED (AN) since I was 13. To make a long story short, I was forced into impatient/res for 3 months and weight restored from 95 to 120 lbs (I’m 5’3). I feel like they WAY overshot my weight because I am disgustingly fat now- giant thighs, potbelly, cellulite everywhere. I sighed myself out AMA the day I turned 18. That was mid July.
It’s 60 days later and I’ve lost 4 pounds. Four. I’ve also out on a decent amount of muscle, but still. I used to be able to restrict fairly easily. I went years without touching desserts and once went an entire summer sub-90 lbs dancing for 6 hours a day. Now, even high restriction feels impossible. It’s like my body is rebelling after being fed well for a couple months.

I HAD been managing fairly well and mostly sticking to my 1500cal/day with workouts (I’m on my feet all day at my job so that’s a loss of about 1.5lbs/week if consistent), but I smoked a lot last Thursday and greened out (it was out of a bong which I don’t usually do) and it reacted horribly with my medication- paranoia, panic attacks, hallucinations, and a whole slew of other things. I also binged (yay, munchies) and purged, which I’ve never done before. It was a new low for me. I’m still extremely bloated, feel like shit physically because I tore my throat up, and am ashamed because my friend saw me binge. I’m also more depressed than I’ve ever been because what tiny amount of weight I’ve lose is probably now gone.

I’m not sure what I’m looking for here. Support? Hope from someone who’s been in the same situation? Thanks for reading. Sorry I’m such a mess.

[Discussion] What weight related goals do you have that aren't based on the scale?
/u/rattles-snakes
Created: Mon Sep 3 06:29:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cl35f/what_weight_related_goals_do_you_have_that_arent/
---
I'm looking forward to breaking 18.5 BMI, and seeing my hip bones again :)

[Discussion] How does ED affect your daily life?
/u/Jani110
Created: Mon Sep 3 06:18:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cl0to/how_does_ed_affect_your_daily_life/
---
I desperately want to stop counting calories, restricting, and caring so much about my weight or looks. Why is it that my weight my greatest source of preoccupation right now? I'm thin enough. I need to gain weight. I can't even find clothes that fit me in stores. They're all too big. Nothing looks good on me. I'm too conscious to wear short sleeves because I'm too bony. Nonetheless, I still run every day. If I don't get my exercise fix, I get super stressed.

I find I don't have the energy to be spontaneous and exciting like I wish I can be. I would rather stay home, not meet people, thus I'm not in a relationship like I wish I could be. I wish I could be more caring for people, but I just am not. I can't eat with people either.


I feel selfish as well. I despise fat people, but I envy the fact that they dont restrict themselves or feel like a zombie.

How has ED affected you, and how would you like to change?



Weekly Stats Update! September 03, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Sep 3 06:15:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cl024/weekly_stats_update_september_03_2018/
---
This is the weekly status thread for September 03, 2018.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:

*****

Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)


[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! September 03, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Sep 3 06:14:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cl018/daily_food_diary_september_03_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for September 03, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)


[Rant/Rave] Did anyone else develop their ED super young?
/u/jewishtemptress
Created: Mon Sep 3 06:11:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ckz8k/did_anyone_else_develop_their_ed_super_young/
---
I started restricting super hard when I was 11. I only ate exactly 370 calories every day — a can of Cherry Coke and a Hershey bar. Not exactly the most nutritious food, but it is what it is. I dropped 8 pant sizes in a matter of months; I honestly think I stunted my own growth until I was sent to an inpatient facility.

[Rant/Rave] My restrictions
/u/Jani110
Created: Mon Sep 3 06:04:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ckxs4/my_restrictions/
---
I don't eat anything I dont know the exact calories of.
I also don't eat anything during the day besides coffee, chewing gum, diet sodas, and other zero-calorie drinks.

[Intro] Hello, I think I have disordered eating
/u/mandolinwaterfall
Created: Mon Sep 3 06:03:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ckxgp/hello_i_think_i_have_disordered_eating/
---
Hey, I'm not sure if I belong here or not.

F/24/ SW - 168lb, CW - 130lb, GW - 120lb, Lowest weight - 123lb.

I've was always a chubby kid who did zero exercise. It never used to bother me. I then went to university, got depressed and gained, gained, gained. Highest weight was 12 stone (168lbs for those across the pond). I was very depressed. After my long term university relationship ended, I made a conscious effort to get healthy and to kick depressions arse. It was rough, but I did it. I managed to get down to 9 stone over a period of 12 months. I did it with what I thought was healthy eating. I still believe it is. I was consistently at 1000 calories (usually coming in around 800, exercising 6 times a week). I also socialised regularly and partook in a moderate amount of alcohol. I was doing so well.

I then met my fab partner. He's brilliant but he can eat like a horse and never gain. And I found myself getting fat again because it was just so easy to overeat and not do any exercise because we were out doing fun things instead. This is amplified by the fact he works away 6 months of the year, so when he's home we really go wild. When he's away I can restrict as much as I want. The problem is when he comes home. I binge and binge and binge, do no exercise.

And now I've lost my motivation, I'm struggling with getting back to my old pattern and instead can't stop myself binging. Last night he left for another trip and I found myself binging, but like never before. I started chewing and spitting. I literally stood next to the bin with a packet of crisps, chewed it and then spat directly into the bin. I'm absolutely disgusted with myself. It's foul and it's made me realise maybe I have some form of eating disorder. I have tried to vomit before now but my gag reflex is non existent so (luckily) I can't do that.

I just want to go back to my regime, with my exercise and 1000 calorie diet. I was happy, it was simple. I was alone but it was okay.
My partner brings me so much joy and happiness, but it's countered by the feelings of failure and disappointment because I lack any sort of self control when he's around. I also met him at a time when I was the lowest weight I've ever been, so when I gain I feel extremely unattractive and unsexy (which is made worse since he is muscly with very low body fat).

So, TL:DR - When I am left alone to my own devices I'm happy and so in control. I can consistently see the results I crave. When I'm with the people I love, I hate myself.

Do you guys feel like this? If so, how do you manage your weight loss successfully and not end up isolating yourself?


Im not really even sure what the point of this post was, but it was cathartic so thanks for reading if you came this far.







[Rant/Rave] Why do companies post incorrect calories?
/u/Snowbae
Created: Mon Sep 3 05:35:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ckro6/why_do_companies_post_incorrect_calories/
---
Hartley’s 10 cal jelly pots are actually 5 calories per pot, yet monster ultra says that is zero calories but actually is 15 for a can. Wtf ??? Why the inconsistency ???

Me_irl @losing weight
/u/RachAgainstLeMachine [5'3 🌻 CW: 93lbs 🌻 21F]
Created: Mon Sep 3 04:53:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ckijs/me_irl_losing_weight/
---
https://i.redd.it/go3zrgst70k11.jpg

[Discussion] The era of abject "fat people hate" is pretty much over on reddit, but the consequences live on in my skull.
/u/neutralities [5'5 | 103.2 | BMI 17.2 | F | GW: 95]
Created: Mon Sep 3 04:44:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ckgwq/the_era_of_abject_fat_people_hate_is_pretty_much/
---
I am underweight. I have been for quite some time now, and this is a fact that I can understand and articulate.

Unfortunately, understanding that fact doesn't mean my perception of self is on the same page. I'm obsessed with how I stand/walk/sit, and whether or not anyone can tell I'm fat. I'm obsessed with how people perceive me, to the point I avoid any and all social outings, I shop online almost exclusively, and avoid people to a psychotic extent.

Prior to this behavior forming, I remember being obsessed primarily with how I viewed myself.

I really think my POV changed with the explosion of FPH/Fat People Stories, which I read obsessively when it was at the height of popularity.

Not because I derived any sort of sick satisfaction from reading it, but because having multiple subreddits obsessed with discussing/bullying fat people convinced me that there would be a random stranger that would see me eating something and go home and post about me on reddit.

It's been ages since FPH got banned, but I still can't stop thinking about whether or not someone is judging me for how I look or sit or dress. If my thighs spill a certain way that make me look fat.

Anyways, regardless of the effect social media has on me, I wish people would stop making content solely for the purpose of belittling other people and doing nothing to help literally anyone

also it's 4 am so goodnight proed

Colloquial/regional words for food?
/u/clare988
Created: Mon Sep 3 04:33:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ckero/colloquialregional_words_for_food/
---
I'm interested in language and stuff and since we're from all over the place I thought it might be kinda fun to hear what slang words yall have for food. I'm from the North of England and here lunch is called Dinner and dinner is called Tea. And we call food scran. Eating is sometimes called "scanning"

Pls feel free to delete if u think this is lame

[Discussion] DAE have particularly triggering meals?
/u/mpjcx
Created: Mon Sep 3 04:33:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ckeqq/dae_have_particularly_triggering_meals/
---
Like, what the fuck is lunch? I'm serious, what IS it? It gives me so much anxiety. It's just a random meal in the middle of the day!!!! Who decided lunch was a good idea?!

[Discussion] DAE watch Lexi Babe on Youtube?
/u/jackolantern_hat [5'9.5" | CW:149 | BMI: 21.22 | 21F]
Created: Mon Sep 3 04:26:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ckdgo/dae_watch_lexi_babe_on_youtube/
---
She does mukbangs on Youtube about 2-3 times a week but is tiny! And it doesn't look like she exercises it off since I see no muscle definition at all.

Most of her meals look to be 2,000+ calories eaten in 30 minutes or less and she says she eats normal the rest of the week so how is she managing to stay so skinny?

Side note: her mukbangs are pretty satisfying to watch

[Rant/Rave] My mum bought me coke
/u/BlurJAMD [5'4" | CW: 140lbs | GW: 110lbs | NB]
Created: Mon Sep 3 02:16:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cjpyq/my_mum_bought_me_coke/
---
I love her and everything but cmon full sugar full calorie coke? 20 CANS. I'll feel bad if I don't drink it :(

i got prescribed adhd meds
/u/dollydomer [Height 5'5 | CW 109 lbs| Weight Lost 15 lbs | Gender F]
Created: Mon Sep 3 01:29:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cjh8y/i_got_prescribed_adhd_meds/
---
so i am a junior and this year i have been really struggling with keeping up with my classes. every other year i have been doing fine because i am smart so i wouldn’t do my homework but do well on tests. this year is hard because i’m taking college level classes (2, the rest are reg) so i have to keep up with homework and all that jazz. so i talked to my psych who is a family friend and he said that just from knowing me he knows i have severe adhd. it was never treated before because 1) we had to treat other issues first (depression, suicidal thoughts, eating disorder, which still aren’t fixed but i lied a lot) and 2) i was doing well in my classes. he asked some questions and i got prescribed a long acting stimulant. not adderal but pretty much the same thing but long acting. suppresses appetite really well and i’m so excited because i have never taken anything except caffeine to suppress appetite. it’ll be way easier to restrict now plus if my mom or family member notice i’m loosing weight i can blame it on the meds and say i will try and eat more :)

tldr: i got prescribed a stimulant for adhd and now i can restrict easily and blame weight loss on the meds

[Other] ED "quizzes"
/u/aplanetkid [5'7" | 139.4 | 21.76 | GW 110 | Male]
Created: Mon Sep 3 01:22:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cjfyy/ed_quizzes/
---
is anyone else kind of addicted to those intake/self dx quizzes that test you for different signs of eating disorders?
ive taken a shit ton in the past and just got an ad on instagram saying "test your knowledge about eating disorders?" and i hit that link so fast.

logically i know it's probably because every time ive told people about my ED they discount and invalidate/don't believe me so this is sort of a way i can prove to myself that i DO have one.

also obligatory if you have links to any good quizzes like this, i love validation!

[Other] WhatsApp group for support, or just for chatting in general?
/u/lemondropsicle [5'3.5" | now: 24" waist | goal: 22" waist| ]
Created: Mon Sep 3 00:56:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cjan6/whatsapp_group_for_support_or_just_for_chatting/
---
Hi! I was wondering whether anyone would be interested in joining a WhatsApp group where we could just hang? 😅 it could be for support or just talking about your day, anything really :-)

If you’re interested dm me your number! If I get a few I’ll make a group :—)))

how much weight do you guys consecutively lose per week/per month?
/u/kittenbun [5'9 | GW 140 | F]
Created: Mon Sep 3 00:43:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cj7r8/how_much_weight_do_you_guys_consecutively_lose/
---
i'm really curious to know what the 'norm' is for everyone, granted i know all of our bodies are different but an 'average' would be something great to go by. i feel like my 2lb a week is *really* slow considering i've been at a 1000 calorie deficit every single day for the last 6 weeks and 4 days.

[Other] y’all wish me luck
/u/MyGloriousMane
Created: Mon Sep 3 00:30:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cj567/yall_wish_me_luck/
---
i justgot hella crossfaded w friends for the first time in foreve. i ate a pint of ben n jerry’s, like a whole bag of chips, and cookies. ya bitch is fucked lol. i already gained 2 pounds andn now imma gain more from this shit :’)

Is weight loss possible in 25 mg Topamax
/u/earthcrossers
Created: Sun Sep 2 23:59:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ciytl/is_weight_loss_possible_in_25_mg_topamax/
---
I’m not sure if I want to go up, but it’s useless to take it unless it will help with weight loss. Does anyone have experience?

[Rant/Rave] I can’t believe this...
/u/undertheweather123
Created: Sun Sep 2 23:46:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ciw99/i_cant_believe_this/
---
I’ve been fucking reading the calorie count wrong on Outshine frozen yogurt/ice cream this whole fucking time.

I’m trying to give myself the benefit of the doubt because I was trying a new flavor tonight when I noticed it (so like maybe it was just on this specific flavor) but the serving size was 3.5 servings per container and I’ve been reading it as 2.5 for months!!!

The worst is I didn’t realize my mistake until I finished it (I usually check the calories before and after I eat something) so the damage has already been done.

I’m so upset...not only did I eat a whole serving more than I thought I was but I found out apparently I can’t read either. I hate myself.

[Discussion] DAE make food taste bad on purpose?
/u/backup4reelz [5'5" F | 124 | 115]
Created: Sun Sep 2 23:32:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cita4/dae_make_food_taste_bad_on_purpose/
---
I find it easier to justify eating less/nothing if I purposefully make my meals taste like shit. Either no seasoning or too much or whatever and then I can tell myself that I cant have anything else to eat until I finish that, which will take longer because im getting myself smaller portions and putting off eating meals because it tastes so bad.

i’m super drunk and i just told someone abt my ed
/u/duskedfur [5'7"|CW: 107|16.7|UGW: 103|F]
Created: Sun Sep 2 22:49:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cik5u/im_super_drunk_and_i_just_told_someone_abt_my_ed/
---
i’m about to eat pizza please kill me i’m not gonna log the calories i swear i love her so much she’s so accepting she told me nobody can stop me if i starve myself til i’m 99, it’s not ok and i need help but nobody can stop me and she’s the second person i’ve told and i’m gonna eat calories without putting them into myfitnesspal i swear ok i swear it

i love you all please stay safe i love you all so much if you’re new please don’t make yourself worse it’ll ruin your life it’s not worth it keep yourself safe and take care of yourself, it’s going to be okay

[Rant/Rave] The problem is I’m fucking SKINNY FAT in my stomach!!!!
/u/lynnB123
Created: Sun Sep 2 22:07:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ciaxk/the_problem_is_im_fucking_skinny_fat_in_my_stomach/
---
Depending on which way I position myself I’m either okay this is fine or I’ll be about to have a psychotic break. Fuck

[Help] How do you print photos?
/u/LnD13313
Created: Sun Sep 2 21:48:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ci6wt/how_do_you_print_photos/
---
I love printing out photos and making collages in my exercise/food diary. Lately I haven’t been able to print anything because my printer has been messing up. Basically what happens is I print something it won’t print and then will print out later on in the week usually when it’s the most inconvenient time and someone’s there. Does anybody know of any places that you can print out photos where they won’t judge you?

Anyone else terrified of dying from a heart attack or something from EC stacking
/u/fortunefeaster
Created: Sun Sep 2 21:26:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ci204/anyone_else_terrified_of_dying_from_a_heart/
---
I currently am sitting up, unable to go to sleep cause I took an event stack like 5 hours ago and I'm paranoid that all have a heart attack in my sleep. Worries about my health are always on the back of my mind when it comes to stacking but whenever I stop I almost always binge. Guess I'd rather be thin and die horribly than be fat and alive 🤷‍♀️

DAE get the feeling their fingers fall asleep?
/u/SkinnyisSexy [5'7.6 |128.4|gw115|19.6| F]
Created: Sun Sep 2 21:19:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ci0hb/dae_get_the_feeling_their_fingers_fall_asleep/
---
When I'm driving they go and i jave to shake it off. Same with my feet when i pee. I started taking more vitamins so hopefully it's something to do with that. I just relapsed and always noticed it starts happening when i start restricting.

It feels like my bf is meaner when I gain
/u/ookateookate
Created: Sun Sep 2 21:18:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ci0cl/it_feels_like_my_bf_is_meaner_when_i_gain/
---
I know part of it has to be my mood when I gain any weight. It can't be fun to deal with. Though even when I try my hardest to be kind and thoughtful he loses patience so much quicker. He makes more comments on my posture and clothing choices. I feel like it doesn't happen as often when I am at a lower weight. He is a good person otherwise. I'm not sure how to feel. Maybe I am just paranoid.

being anorexic is being your own skeleton in your closet
/u/DavidMitchellTurtle [5'8" | M/17 | CW 192lbs | GW 115 | BMI 28.8 | Lost 68]
Created: Sun Sep 2 21:07:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9chxqa/being_anorexic_is_being_your_own_skeleton_in_your/
---
this joke has been brought to you by my sleep, food, and blood deprived brain

please don't delete for being low effort. I put a lot of effort into this and also /r/proedmemes doesn't allow text posts

How to stop a days' long binging spree?
/u/thatantlerssong
Created: Sun Sep 2 20:55:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9chv7r/how_to_stop_a_days_long_binging_spree/
---
Omg, I've been binging TERRIBLY the past week or so. I'm talking 2500+ calorie days, every day. I'm pretty sure I've gained like 5 lbs. I was 105.6 lbs a week ago but I'm pretty sure I'm 110 by now and I can SEE all the fat building on my body (I'm 5'1 so every lb really shows) and it bums me out so much. HOW DO YOU STOP THE BINGING SPREE.

I go from periods of being really disciplined to periods of binging but I CAN'T GET OUT OF THE BINGING SOMEONE PLS HELPPPPPPPP

[Help] Calorie estimation help - Sunlife Organics
/u/fxuk
Created: Sun Sep 2 20:53:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9chur7/calorie_estimation_help_sunlife_organics/
---
Visited Pasadena today and ate at Sunlife Organics. I got the Hawaiian bowl. Any idea how many calories???

[Discussion] DAE start eating when you feel overwhelmed/stressed even though you otherwise try to restrict?
/u/WantsToPetAllTheDogs
Created: Sun Sep 2 20:16:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9chmgi/dae_start_eating_when_you_feel/
---
School has me feeling so overwhelmed and lonely and sad that the only comfort I have is with food now. Food is my go-to when avoiding tons of work. In my final year of law school and it’s all hitting me now.

[Help] How do you guys exercise for multiple hours?
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | CW 120 | GW 115 | UGW 110/115 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 2 20:02:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9chj9r/how_do_you_guys_exercise_for_multiple_hours/
---
I was in the gym for about 25-30 minutes today and was bored as hell. How do you do this for hours at a time?

[Help] waist training
/u/acid_chunk
Created: Sun Sep 2 19:28:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9chbfv/waist_training/
---
Anyone do this, or have done this?

I'm 5'7" and I just don't have a defined waist. My mom doesn't either. And my dads side is pretty solidly built. So it's just how the cookie crumbled, whatever.

But I really don't like it. I feel very unfeminine. I feel like even a half inch more narrow would do-I'm not talking anything obscene.

Just wondering if anyone here had a similar distaste for their rib cage shape, and if waist training is a real option.

[Discussion] What and how much do you eat/drink on a normal day?
/u/almc879213
Created: Sun Sep 2 18:56:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ch4cc/what_and_how_much_do_you_eatdrink_on_a_normal_day/
---


[Discussion] Weight Question
/u/thingsarestranger [5’2” | CW: 125 | -35 | GW:95 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 2 18:20:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cgw4w/weight_question/
---
So I’m curious if I weigh myself before I binge then weigh myself after and purge until I’m the weight I was before will I still gain weight? Like I can’t figure it out mathematically or scientifically like am I dumb or would i still get fat?

[Rant/Rave] Recovered physically, but suicidal!
/u/Sisi21cent
Created: Sun Sep 2 18:04:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cgs7c/recovered_physically_but_suicidal/
---
Hi there!
I’m a bit older than most over here I guess. I’m 24yo and I have been doing well for the last couple of years.
I don’t even consider myself an anorexic.

But, mentally I’m a train wreck. And it’s not about the lack of control that I miss.
All day everyday I think about suicide. Crashing my car or something like that.
I can’t cope with this, pretending it’s not there anymore.

So basically I got on thing in control and got myself in trouble somewhere else.

Has anyone been through this?

Who are your favorite proED / restricting youtubers?
/u/Paisleybabe
Created: Sun Sep 2 18:01:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cgrk9/who_are_your_favorite_proed_restricting_youtubers/
---
Mine is oatfiber, I'm trying to find more like her hence my question :p

&#x200B;

But what I like about her, is her recipes and her days in the life because I get inspiration from it

[Discussion] Do you remember the origins/first flags of your disordered eating?
/u/The_Lovely_Lonesome
Created: Sun Sep 2 17:57:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cgqhw/do_you_remember_the_originsfirst_flags_of_your/
---
I remember breaking down at dinner once. It was really embarrassing and my younger brother made fun of me for it.

Then my dad also told me to “watch what I eat”. My mom heard it and brought it up recently when we talked about his abuse, so at least she felt for me.

She knew about my ED all along, but I didn’t know it until we talked about it recently. So that’s also kind of embarrassing. I cringe thinking about who else knows.

Feeling lonely and YUGE
/u/skinnifat [5'4" | CW: idk | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 2 17:48:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cgofk/feeling_lonely_and_yuge/
---
Anyone else? I just need a friend. If anyone feels like talking, my inbox is always open <3

[Help] How do you get yourself to start restraining?
/u/qt-bunny
Created: Sun Sep 2 17:31:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cgkab/how_do_you_get_yourself_to_start_restraining/
---
I’m not sure I can consider myself having an ED yet, but I’ve had a nasty relationship with food and my body for as long as I can remember.
Right now I’m at my heaviest due to a 3 year-long fight with anxiety caused by PTSD, and I can’t stand myself any longer. I feel totally out of control when there is food involved: I eat and then I regret it all the other times that I’m not eating.
I want to gain more control over my intakes, reducing or eliminating portions until I can reach one meal a day. What are your motivations that started you gain control over the situation? Thinspos? Meanspos? Group support?

Please I need all the ideas I can get. If I don’t start getting myself to eat less I’ll rip my fat out with my bare hands.

What are you craving right now?
/u/PM_UR_PUPPY [5'7" | CW 130 | GW 120 | LW 118]
Created: Sun Sep 2 17:25:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cgiwl/what_are_you_craving_right_now/
---
Rather than going out and buying / binging what I'm craving, I'm going to post it here instead. For the past few days I've been dying for peanut butter and jelly. Like, I want to make PB&J sandwiches with white bread and cut the crusts off and dip the sandwiches in cold milk. Also, just eating it straight out of the jar would be amazing.

[Rant/Rave] Buc-ee’s is like an ED’s dream. 32oz Coke Zero for 69 cents. And fucking airheads gum. Bless.
/u/chrysanthemym [she/her // queer // fuckin' pear shaped]
Created: Sun Sep 2 17:13:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cgg5a/bucees_is_like_an_eds_dream_32oz_coke_zero_for_69/
---
https://i.redd.it/np5clysxqwj11.jpg

[Rant/Rave] Studying abroad is making me worse
/u/violetteskies
Created: Sun Sep 2 16:59:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cgcns/studying_abroad_is_making_me_worse/
---
I’ve only been here a week but I can already tell I’m dropping weight. (No scale but my abs are becoming more visible in the mirror..) The thing is I really don’t want to restrict right now. I wanted this to be the best year of my life and I wanted to immerse myself in the culture, not worry about my weight and food. But my anxiety and self hatred have really been getting to me lately. I can barely get myself to get groceries or order food so I’ve been skipping meals.

But I just feel like such a freak here. I don’t know anyone yet so I’ve just been going out alone and all the girls here are so beautiful and skinny. I can’t imagine any of them wanting to be my friend. Doesn’t help that the moment I open my mouth everyone notices my accent/and or can’t understand me. I’ll never fit in.

I just really hate myself right now. At least being skinny will make me feel better about myself

[Rant/Rave] i have lied about my ed my entire life
/u/dollydomer [Height 5'5 | CW 109 lbs| Weight Lost 15 lbs | Gender F]
Created: Sun Sep 2 16:43:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cg8i6/i_have_lied_about_my_ed_my_entire_life/
---
there have been time when i have been honest about it, just small things like having anxiety about food. i don’t lie to my friends about it as much but when i was sent to treatment, they sent me to an eating disorder residential because i was severely depressed and had a “slight ed”. i never told my psych that the reason i attempted suicide was because i was so done with feeling guilty after eating and having trouble restricting hard enough. i lied when i was in treatment about my ed behaviors and depression and suicidal thoughts so that’s why i was discharged. when i got out i lied my way out of iop but i was restricting and not doing well. i took myself off of my meds without consulting with my psych and then tried to kms with the pills i had stockpiled. and then i ended up in the hospital and told them i just wanted to get high. my ed got bad again after that and it was killing me so i told my mom i needed to go to treatment and she tried to but the insurance wouldn’t pay for it. so i lied again and gained weight so she wouldn’t think i’m struggling but i lost it all again. i recently went to my psych and my ed thoughts are worse then ever but i still lied and said i get a little anxiety about it but not bad, even though i’m still really depressed due to it. he told my mom that i am perfectly fine besides adhd and my mom agreed and said i have never been happier. i never realized how much i lied about my mental health until now, when my ed is worse than ever. i weigh a little more than i used to but i am 2 inches taller and can see my ribs a little bit and my hips. im depressed but happy with my weight and looks but of course still don’t think it’s good enough. when will i be able to be honest about my thoughts? i don’t think i ever will be ready. fortunately i am not suicidal, just depressed but i am learning to be happy

[Help] Is anyone's migraine triggered by binges...?
/u/Nyriss
Created: Sun Sep 2 15:54:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cfw55/is_anyones_migraine_triggered_by_binges/
---
Had an episode worse than usual today, and trying to figure out what might have caused it. I'm not feeling more stressed than normally, no alcohol or a lot of coffein - and I've had worse binges, but Friday was my birthday, so there's cake at home...

I read that restricting is a trigger for some people, at least I didn't have a problem with that yet.

On the bright side, it made me throw up the small amount of food I had today and I feel completely incapable of eating anything right now... yay?

[Help] Do I eat tonight?
/u/7M7j7KGMM8uuwNnW
Created: Sun Sep 2 15:52:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cfvng/do_i_eat_tonight/
---
Breakfast: 1 egg (with butter and salt)

Lunch: Yogurt with raspberries + 2 cookies

Dinner: ??

I’m down -14lbs but I want to hit -45lb. I don’t count calories, I just eat as little as possible and call it good. Yesterday I fasted for 24 hours, I’d do it for days if I could but I eat dinner to appear healthy in front of my husband.

I’m feeling like shit because of some family drama (trying to avoid). I want to eat for therapy but I can’t eat *and* lose weight.

I could always eat a modest dinner and purge it.

Please tell me your thoughts...

Tried Bronkaid today
/u/lilbabymonkeys
Created: Sun Sep 2 15:52:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cfvlw/tried_bronkaid_today/
---
I took adderall every day (about 20 - 40 mg) for about 2 years when I was younger - I didn't have a prescription but my room mate did and didn't want them. They legitimately made me feel normal when it came to eating; I didn't over eat, and I didn't really under eat. I just ate when I felt hungry and stopped when I didn't feel hungry. It was like a whole new world. Well, that room mate moved away lol.

So I've been trying to deal with my appetite, binge eating, and overall obsession with food on my own for a year now and I've gained an upwards of 30lbs. I tried Bronkaid today with some sugar free monster and it's definitely not adderall but I can feel a difference when it comes to my cravings and constant dwelling on food. I ate a normal breakfast and haven't really been hungry since. I forgot what that felt like. So I took a whole one in the morning after my work out and another whole one later in the afternoon. Honestly it just makes me really miss amphetamines. :(

Grocery Shopping Woes
/u/thetexangypsy
Created: Sun Sep 2 15:25:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cfohi/grocery_shopping_woes/
---
My wife and I had to move back in with my dad temporarily and hes been commenting on my eating habits... today he gave me money to go grocery shopping, and told me "go get real food. None of that low cal bullshit!" and expects a full pantry when he gets home in the morning. I really don't understand what he wants, I feel if I go by his wants that it'll be wasted food because I won't eat it.

Does anyone else ever deal with this?

[Other] Oh yeah I remember being keto..(what I get for eating only cheese for lunch)
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2 | 150 | Aiming for 146 by 9/25 | -12| f21]
Created: Sun Sep 2 14:46:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cfe70/oh_yeah_i_remember_being_ketowhat_i_get_for/
---
https://i.redd.it/cjc1c83u0wj11.png

[Discussion] I’m gonna try to do a 2 day liquid fast
/u/citrus_juuiice
Created: Sun Sep 2 14:18:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cf6es/im_gonna_try_to_do_a_2_day_liquid_fast/
---
I’ve done one day days before but I ate like shit this weekend and need to undo it. Or at least make up for it, so we’ll see how this goes.

Ugh, family BBQ
/u/newforvevernever [5'6'' | CW 113.7 | GW 101 | WL 4 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 2 14:12:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cf4t8/ugh_family_bbq/
---
I invited the in-laws over for a labor day get together. Lord knows why. Kindness? Boredom? Well-meaningness? MIL is a super eater, always looming over my intake (much like my conniving acquaintances.) Crossing my fingers I can make it through this. I've gained about 7 pounds in the last two months and I'm dying at how heavy I feel. God. People and their food obsessions, or worse, really—their obsession with making people behave and consume just like them. I don't criticize your 5 helpings of potato salad. leave me alone with my quarter serving, thanks.

I'm so fucking ashamed and tired and I just want to go back to how I was before.
/u/pm_me_for_nudes
Created: Sun Sep 2 14:10:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cf477/im_so_fucking_ashamed_and_tired_and_i_just_want/
---
Exactly a year ago, during my second year of uni, I joined the swim and volleyball club. I'd become a little chubby in my freshman year, and just wanted to be a little more healthy and active. Everything was fine for a while. I exercised 4-5 times a week, ate a balanced diet, was able to keep up with schoolwork, and even went to a couple parties. I was so intensely happy.

At one point something inside me broke. I got my period, and it wouldn't stop for a month. I stopped swimming, volleyball, weight training, and fell behind on schoolwork. I didn't go to parties. I became irritable and anti-social, a hermit.

I don't know exactly what triggered it, but in may, the day after mothers day to be exact, I decided bc I wasn't exercising as much and it was almost summer, I'd cut down my calories. I found r/1200isplenty, and while I loved the community at first, and I was able to stick to my diet for the most part, I could tell I was become obsessive. I weighed out EVERYTHING (including onions like wtf why) and I isolated myself from eating with my friends/roommates. I binged during the weekends when I went home to visit my family.

When second year uni ended, after about 3 months of the "diet," I went home to my family for the summer. I was terrified at first, because I knew I wouldn't have a set schedule, and the thing I feared the most in the world happened: binging. I couldn't stop eating. I ate so much bread, with fuckin mayonaise, or butter mixed with sugar, or 3 billion slices of cheese. I'd go to bed feeling nauseous and guilty and ashamed. I tried purging but that didn't work.

I left home a week early to chill on my own at uni bc I thought I wouldn't get triggered, and the food I had here was "healthy" but it didn't work. I bought a bunch of boring healthy snacks to take with me to classes, and I ate all of them over the course of two days. Today I turned down pizza bc I'd eaten the snacks and was just gonna fast for dinner, but I proceeded to eat more bread and a ridiculous amount of oatmeal with nut butter. I don't even mind my the way my body looks atm but I just want to stop having this urge to binge, and the bloated guilty feelings after binging (also if it continues like this i will start to hate my body). Every night I go to sleep promising myself the next day will be different.

I also met this guy and I'm meeting him tomorrow and I was planning on wearing this tight dress that makes me feel bomb af, and I wanted to feel light and fresh, but after binging the entire day today there's no way I'm wearing that dress, and I'm dreading seeing him and having him see me as the fat, bloated, hot mess I am. (also i know that having a guy's approval shouldn't be worth everything but sometimes it's nice to know that someone appreciates you)

I don't even know what I'm trying to achieve by writing this post. I'm venting, but also hoping someone has some advice or some kind words of anything.


I am so done
/u/skinnifat [5'4" | CW: idk | GW: 105 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 2 14:08:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cf3kp/i_am_so_done/
---
This is just one of those “keeping myself accountable” rants. I’m so sick of this place, this food, my brain, my body. In a year I went from 135 to 106 to 120. I haven’t had a period in 11 months. I’ve binged everyday for the past two weeks minimum. I’ve purged half of those times. I can’t take it anymore. I’m ballooning tf up. I’m not comfortable in my body. I wake up thinking it’s going to be a good day just to fuck it all up. I just don’t know anymore. I’m destroying myself, my relationship, my friendships, my life. Idk.

[Rant/Rave] I’m trapped in a body that I hate
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | CW 120 | GW 115 | UGW 110/115 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 2 14:04:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cf2kk/im_trapped_in_a_body_that_i_hate/
---
I’m too fat, my boobs aren’t big enough, my feet are too big, my Afro isn’t big enough. I’m too small but also too large and I have the ability to have offspring. I hate everything about my body from my fat stomach to my ugly face and I get pleasure out of depriving it of food until it’s perfect.

[Rant/Rave] Found old pics
/u/avocado4life
Created: Sun Sep 2 13:52:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cez13/found_old_pics/
---
https://i.redd.it/oyj67072rvj11.jpg

I have no more hobbies or interests. [rant, only vaguely ed-related]
/u/7x-2x [🦄]
Created: Sun Sep 2 13:41:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cew20/i_have_no_more_hobbies_or_interests_rant_only/
---
I just... don't do anything. I have a pile of books I just got from the library, and even though I USED to love to read, I don't want to open them.

I'm on the verge of quitting my job because I absolutely cannot stand it. I'm calling in sick tomorrow, because the thought of having to go in is sending my stomach in knots. I'm also anxious because I feel like I've taken way too many sick days and days off for Dr's appointments in the last few weeks. Which is dumb because I'm about to quite so I shouldn't worry about being a ~bad employee~, but I Don't Like Failing and right now I'm Failing.

I have a €5,500 dentist bill coming up. Even though I'm in Germany, the land of good, free health care, I've managed to fuck up my mouth *so badly* that I'm still stuck with a huge bill.

When I'm not stressed, I'm bored. So bored. Everything is either terrifying or boring. I have somehow lost the ability to feel any other emotions.

And because I'm a big huge faker, I'm too bored/lazy to even bother restricting, and also too bored/lazy to go get binge food. I kind of want cake or chocolate muffins or something, but the thought of getting on the train to go to the one store open on Sunday? Meh.

I'm too lazy to even pick something to watch on Netflix. I scrolled through and nothing looked appealing. I don't want to re-watch any old favourites, but I don't have the energy to watch something new.

I want my emotions back.

/rant

[Help] Getting a defined butt?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 105-107 | UGW: 94 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 2 13:38:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cev4s/getting_a_defined_butt/
---
Sorry if this is a little OT but I figured one of you might know. Currently, my upper thigh and butt are pretty much the same thing. Are there any exercises to help make my upper thigh slimmer or my butt more defined? I feel like it would help me look more proportional and my legs look longer. Also, will the problem get better once I lose more weight?

[Discussion] DAE feel soooo sleepy after eating
/u/twa1238
Created: Sun Sep 2 13:25:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cerfp/dae_feel_soooo_sleepy_after_eating/
---
When restricting I’m full of energy but then in the evening when I sit down and eat something, no matter how little and light, I get so tired suddenly, like I just took a sleeping pill. not in a bad way, super peaceful and cozy, but I have to be careful to time my meal because I can’t do anything else after

can anyone relate?

[Discussion] Does anyone ever view subreddits for skinny people?
/u/Belarie
Created: Sun Sep 2 12:46:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cegdi/does_anyone_ever_view_subreddits_for_skinny_people/
---
So I like to overlook subreddits such as r/XXS or other subs for skinny people. Just seeing the sizes they put and the problems and perks they have of being smaller is motivating to me. I feel bad because I kind of feel like I’m fetishizing them or something even if that’s not my intent. :,/ I don’t post there because I’m definitely not skinny enough to even think of posting there yet. Anyone frequent any subs like this?

Pitching major league worthy fits...
/u/Invisiblimp
Created: Sun Sep 2 12:34:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ced2n/pitching_major_league_worthy_fits/
---
Anyone else get some *extreme* rage up in this life? Anybody so much as thinks about telling me no or changing something without my explicit permission and I LOSE IT.

It's like, full on angry crying with a side of the meanest shit I can think to say to put that who-the-fuck-do-they-think-they-are asshole back where they belong.

Idk, misery loves company? Crazy is as crazy does? I cannot figure out how to curb it without benzos because mothafuckin' alcohol just *had* to be a high calorie vice D':

Please share with me your most hardcore meltdowns so I can feel less alone?

How to avoid bloating while fasting?
/u/AnaBrideToBe
Created: Sun Sep 2 12:11:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ce6fd/how_to_avoid_bloating_while_fasting/
---
I read online that fasting can cause bloating. I was wondering if there is a way to cut down on it? How soon before I need to be not bloated should I stop fasting?

[Rant/Rave] "At least you're not fat"
/u/monday-mundane
Created: Sun Sep 2 11:15:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cdq7t/at_least_youre_not_fat/
---
I opened up to a friend about my ED and they just said it's better than being fat. They're only mildly overweight and are perfectly healthy otherwise.

Ugh. Sounds like something I would tell myself.





[Rant/Rave] Another "imposter syndrome" rant
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2 | 150 | Aiming for 146 by 9/25 | -12| f21]
Created: Sun Sep 2 11:12:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cdpfd/another_imposter_syndrome_rant/
---
I really don't know where I belong, I think I might just be a anxious dieter. Back when I got the suggestion of ednos/aa I totally understand why, but this time around I'm way less...disordered. I still have the obsession and anxiety but I tend to do that with ANYTHING I get interested in tbh.

Like I know I'm going about this in a relatively unhealthy way but, I have a end goal of a healthy bmi I plan to maintain. So I dunno, I think in the end I just have a odd personality but maybe not a ed in it's truest sense.

[Discussion] DAE get triggered to relapse while attempting to live healthier?
/u/nomuddnolotus [5'5" | CW: 122.2 | GW: 105 | 28F | 🍑gingerteababy]
Created: Sun Sep 2 11:01:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cdluh/dae_get_triggered_to_relapse_while_attempting_to/
---
Basically, during my periods of pseudo-recovery (aka eating a totally unhealthy diet at maintenance cals and not exercising at all), I’ll decide at some point that it’s time I get my shit together and ~sTaRt LiViNg A hEaLtHy LiFeStYle~. Which in my mind means working out a reasonable amount and making healthy eating choices. I’ll start off relatively ok, like just monitoring my macros rather than calories, opting for healthier food options, and working out moderately a couple of days per week. But then at some point a switch gets flipped and the next thing I know I’m restricting super low and doing intense cardio up two hours every day. It’s like I’m either at 0 or 100, no in between. It’s like my brain cannot fathom moderation in any aspect. I also wonder if it might be that I have a subconscious urge to compete with myself. Can anyone relate?

[Rant/Rave] Everything crashing down
/u/elevenbravo274 [5'7 | 114 | 17.8 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 2 11:00:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cdlj4/everything_crashing_down/
---
Probably will delete soon. But I’m at the lowest I’ve ever been (110), and I’m losing my mind. Because of things going on in my life (school, commitments), I’ve been so stressed and restricting. However, lately I’ve started to feel so incredibly sick and I cry for no reason ALL THE TIME. I have a therapist and we’re having another meeting tomorrow, but until then I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m spread so thin and have never felt more alone.

[Tip] PSA: if you’re restricting a lot or skipping eating altogether, please make sure you’re getting enough electrolytes!
/u/puzzledbutton [5’0” | GW: 110 | 24F]
Created: Sun Sep 2 10:59:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cdl0x/psa_if_youre_restricting_a_lot_or_skipping_eating/
---
Hope this post is okay!




I’ve been seeing a lot of posts here recently about lightheadedness or dizziness. I wanted to share an electrolyte supplement I’ve found that I use for extended fasts:




https://www.lyteline.com/products/lyteshow-4-oz-bottle-electrolyte-concentrate-for-rapid-rehydration









It’s very reasonably priced and comes with a little travel flask that has a cap for measuring. PLEASE NOTE that the single dose should be mixed with at least 32 ounces of water because it’s pretty gross otherwise! I know a lot of ppl here either work in restaurants or are working out a lot so if you’re restricting heavily or not eating at all it’s important you have your electrolytes replenished!





If you do end up buying these definitely don’t go overboard! I’m not a medical professional by any means, but overdoing it with supplements of any sort can usually be dangerous. I just wanted to make this post since I’ve been seeing a lot of “I’m about to pass out” posts lately.






Stay safe everyone :)

[Intro] I’m back.
/u/hijainen_enkeli [5' 3" | 146.2 | 26.61 | -49.8 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 2 10:43:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cdgff/im_back/
---
Well, I’m back. I guess I’ve been back for a while but I decided to announce it now. I left back in 2016 when I found out I was pregnant. The entire pregnancy was a mess. I ended up in the hospital twice for dehydration from getting sick. Then I developed gestational diabetes. I gained back all the weight I lost plus some. The only good thing to come from it was my little man. He turns 2 in December.

I started eating “normally” after I gave birth. Then I started binging a bit while dealing with undiagnosed postpartum. I started getting back on track around his first birthday. Then there was an event (police shootout in front of our house) and we decided it was time to move back to our home state. I stress ate the entire time we looked for a house and dealt with the moving process.

Now we’re back home by family and friends. It’s a blessing and a curse. Some times this means I can go all day without eating because I know I’m having dinner with my family. Other times it means eating too much because I’m spending the day with friends. One plus, is two of my friends want to start working out together. One is because she wants to lose the weight from having a little one of her own. The other is to help me with my weight loss. I think she has an idea about my ed but she wants to help me in a healthy way.

The last two months have been a mess of my new dr putting me on meds for bipolar and migraines. Then she messed things up and put me on a blood pressure medicine. That gave me ridiculous vertigo. Now I’m completely med free and thinking about fight back to ec stacks.

I don’t necessarily want to be back, but I can’t seem to help it. I’ve been viewing posts on here for quite a while now but I’ve been to afraid to comment on any of them. I was afraid to admit that I never really let go of this.

Sorry this is so long.

Losing my mind
/u/pizzaneet
Created: Sun Sep 2 10:41:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cdfzq/losing_my_mind/
---
I’ve been stuck at the same weight for two weeks, and I’ve been eating 750 or less. I’m so worried that I’m gonna be this weight forever, I don’t want to be this fat anymore, I feel sick

What do I do? Should I restrict down to 600 or less? I can’t fast because I live with family and they already think I don’t eat enough with OMAD.

Can I get a sharper jawline by exercising my face?
/u/subarremos [5'3 | CW: 103 | GW: 88]
Created: Sun Sep 2 10:22:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cda9x/can_i_get_a_sharper_jawline_by_exercising_my_face/
---
Im already thin but I have a weak jawline game. How can I lose the double chin?

[Other] Our messiah
/u/Fatalope [Height 5'4 | CW 136 | GW 104 | HW 168 | 21 F]
Created: Sun Sep 2 10:12:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cd7kk/our_messiah/
---
https://i.redd.it/9ry5n46unuj11.jpg

[Rant/Rave] Scared for college
/u/staticphat [Height: 5'3 | CW: Rice Paddle | GW: Chopstick]
Created: Sun Sep 2 09:53:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cd2e0/scared_for_college/
---
I start school this month, but in October/November I’m going to start living on my own and I’m so excited to have full control of what I’m going to eat but I’m also scared of not eating enough and fucking up my education (school is really important to me). My plan was to lose as much weight as I can this month starting after this weekend (I’m with relatives rn and I’m overeating and hate myself but that’s irrelevant) and work on maintaining during the school year but I know that I’m going to binge during the school year because of the stress and that’s going to make me want to restrict really low/fast.



My roommate is going to get suspicious..
/u/warmcorgi53
Created: Sun Sep 2 08:53:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cclj5/my_roommate_is_going_to_get_suspicious/
---
I am obsessed with weighing out my food and counting calories. I move into college tomorrow and I'm horrified of her finding me weighing out precisely 30 mL of coffee creamer every morning and thinking I'm psycho.

Dorm snack suggestions?
/u/warmcorgi53
Created: Sun Sep 2 08:51:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cckx8/dorm_snack_suggestions/
---
I'm going grocery shopping for my college dorm today. I have a mini fridge with a freezer compartment. I mainly will be using the dining hall but I'd like some suggestions!

[Rant/Rave] Unmotivated, depressed, and not sure what to do next
/u/lvalmp
Created: Sun Sep 2 08:44:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ccj5i/unmotivated_depressed_and_not_sure_what_to_do_next/
---
I have had just a shit few years. Domestic violence, divorce, losing my job. Just life kicking my ass.
Today I found out my dream job opened up in my dream location. It's about 2000km away from where I am now, in a tropical climate, in my field... just totally what I've always wanted to do and where I've always wanted to live. I'm so on the fence feeling like I'm not good enough to get this job, feeling like if I apply and don't get it I'll feel worse... if I don't apply I'll hate myself. Ugh!!

Back
/u/bannaberry
Created: Sun Sep 2 08:22:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ccdjo/back/
---
I’m back to ECA stacking.

I have 2 big events happening in April: my 29th birthday and a festival in Austin.

I want to be in the 120s by then.

Only 30 lbs to go 😪

[Rant/Rave] I’m never leaving the house without brushing my teeth EVER AGAIN.
/u/2ndfirstday [5'5" | 101 lbs | 16.8 BMI | -3 lbs | F]
Created: Sun Sep 2 08:04:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cc9bx/im_never_leaving_the_house_without_brushing_my/
---
I went to a party last night. No one told me I had basil in my teeth from my rice cakes for about TWO HOURS. I’m so embarrassed.

And after thinking about it, I’m going to start brushing my teeth after every single meal as well, to avoid snacking between meals.

UGH I hate basil now!!!!

[Rant/Rave] I am stuck at 88lbs (40kg) and I have been stuck at this weight for past few months.
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Sun Sep 2 07:58:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cc7s6/i_am_stuck_at_88lbs_40kg_and_i_have_been_stuck_at/
---
Guess I need to do smth more drastic, like have only black coffee, cucumber, and few sweets to eat when i work. Hopefully my weight drops. Good luck to me, I am going to try until i succeed. ✌

Lose weight fast!! - Go through a terrible breakup and don’t eat anything because you don’t care anymore.
/u/Jumpedunderjumpman
Created: Sun Sep 2 07:12:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cbxun/lose_weight_fast_go_through_a_terrible_breakup/
---
I’ve lost somewhere around 3lbs in 3 days! I still hate everything though and my heart is in a million pieces but at least i’m becoming thin!!!

I’m a bit of a mess rn.

[Rant/Rave] The whoosh is real
/u/ShannonAnon
Created: Sun Sep 2 07:11:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cbxmq/the_whoosh_is_real/
---
I’ve been stuck at the same weight just constantly gaining a few pounds then getting back down to the same exact weight. Well, I was trying to figure out what causes a “whoosh,” and I read that eating carbs after fasting/eating at a big deficit can cause a whoosh... 2.5 pounds y’all

Weighing more in the morning than at night?
/u/sonorie [5'4" | F | SW 135 | CW 119 | LW 113 | GW 105]
Created: Sun Sep 2 06:55:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cbu74/weighing_more_in_the_morning_than_at_night/
---
I weighed myself last night, went straight to bed, woke up and weighed myself again and the number WENT UP? Wtf how is that possible??? Has this happened to anyone else? I feel like I'm gonna lose my mind

[Discussion] Marina - Teen Idle ???
/u/kernalmustache [169cm ♀ | CW 105lbs | BMI 16.7 | SW 130lbs 🌸]
Created: Sun Sep 2 06:31:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cbphz/marina_teen_idle/
---
When Marina sings the line *"* *I'm gonna puke it anyway"* do you think she's talking about in an ED way or in a getting alcohol poisoning way?

I have a problem....(And this excludes the cans in my garbage)
/u/4gotmyfuckinpassword [172cm | CW: 68kg | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 2 06:28:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cbp3f/i_have_a_problemand_this_excludes_the_cans_in_my/
---
https://i.imgur.com/MGr5Lzf.jpg

[Goal] My plan for the next 2 weeks
/u/audreyhepburnwho [25F | 5'8 | cw 159 | hw 196 | sw 172 | lw 150 | ugw 145]
Created: Sun Sep 2 06:16:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cbmxq/my_plan_for_the_next_2_weeks/
---
Idk if the flair is right, i didnt reach a goal, i made a new one.

I am gonna go HAM these next two weeks. This is for accountability, and for me to have somewhere i can come back to if i "forget" what my plan is, and also maybe for motivating anyone else out there.

I hate how much time i spent trying to calculate how much i can lose in a certain amount of time and freaking out if i dont like predicted amount and ending up not following the plan because "iTs nOT woRth It"


So im just gonna go ballistic for two weeks and see where that brings me. Im always losing slow, then faster, then regaining but I haven't gone 2 weeks straight on track. I want to treat this almost like a science experiment, instead of thinking oh if i burn x calories and eat y calories i will lose z lbs, i want to just do my best, whatever that is, and see where i am in two weeks.


I also am gonna take progress pictures which i usually don't. So, my plan:

- stay everyday under 500cals, less if possible

- IF 18:6

- I can, if i want to, skip a whole day of eating but i can't go longer than 48 hours cuz that leads me to binge

- gym every day. If i dont do to the gym I'll go for a hour long walk instead.

- obviously, no binge September

- keep carbs under 30g

- ive started ec stacking recently so hopefully that'll help with restricting and energy levels




Wish me luck






How much more calories do you burn when you don't sleep?
/u/kernalmustache [169cm ♀ | CW 105lbs | BMI 16.7 | SW 130lbs 🌸]
Created: Sun Sep 2 06:14:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cbmku/how_much_more_calories_do_you_burn_when_you_dont/
---
So I often don't sleep and when I don't sleep I tend to get way hungry. My guess is that being awake and doing stuff burns more calories than sleeping. Further evidence, it's much easier to go over 12 hours without eating when you sleep in the middle of that than when you stay awake doing even very simple things like lying in bed on your phone. Anyway, anyone have any idea how many extra calories you burn by staying awake all night?

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! September 02, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Sep 2 06:11:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cblzk/daily_food_diary_september_02_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for September 02, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)


[Sticky] Sunday: Share your favorite recipes!
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sun Sep 2 06:11:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cblyi/sunday_share_your_favorite_recipes/
---
Looking for memes? [Right this way~](/r/ProEDmemes)!


[Rant/Rave] Boyfriend went to a party
/u/UsualLetter
Created: Sun Sep 2 06:00:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cbk2d/boyfriend_went_to_a_party/
---
My boyfriend went out to a party last night (drinking, weed, ect.) with a few friends and didn’t invite me. I feel inadequate, like i dont look good enough for him to want to go places with me. there was a girl there that we’re friends with and she is so much prettier and skinner than me and i know he was drunk and high last night and i’m nervous he’s going to love her more. shes more interesting and pretty and more skinny than me. ive been having a panic attack about it all morning and i just needed to get this out.

I wish I could talk to my boyfriend about all this
/u/ChasingHouse
Created: Sun Sep 2 05:16:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cbcm4/i_wish_i_could_talk_to_my_boyfriend_about_all_this/
---
My boyfriend knows I’m a little iffy with food but not details.

I’m having a shit day and I’ve had 971 calories today and I feel so fat and gross and I just wish I could talk to him about it because he’s the only one I want to talk with when I’m upset but I know it’ll just stress him if I say I’ve been low restricting 😕

:/
/u/cankle_skank [5'7" | 123 | 19.4 | 18F]
Created: Sun Sep 2 04:41:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cb73k/_/
---
Having just recently moved to college, I haven’t purged in the longest amount of time since it started, and I feel extremely guilty about it... I start to wonder if this was ever really an issue to begin with or just something I exaggerate.

[Goal] So happy!!
/u/biciklici
Created: Sun Sep 2 04:02:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cb14s/so_happy/
---
im finally at 45kgs (99pounds)!!!!
im so happy,i just weighed myself! I finally passed the plateau i have been at for weeks, i took 2kgs in few days, from now on im only taking those number down faster ^^

Think of weight loss like Warfare.
/u/RJW256
Created: Sun Sep 2 03:21:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9cavaj/think_of_weight_loss_like_warfare/
---
You could, with great difficulty, beat your enemy with superior weapons and tactics.

Its much more efficient to starve the bastards out. Cut their supply lines and watch them reduce.

[Help] A weekend away
/u/glitchydowner
Created: Sun Sep 2 02:52:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9caqy3/a_weekend_away/
---
Going away to stay at a friend's house weekend coming and I can't get over eating out of my head!! I'm having issues losing atm as I'm stuck at a plateau and scared I'll ruin everything if I just binge out :( (probably doesn't help that I'm nearing my period but I just wanna cry!) Anyone got any advice??

[Rant/Rave] Done it again !! Can’t be normal
/u/just-average1
Created: Sun Sep 2 02:46:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9caq5z/done_it_again_cant_be_normal/
---
I’m at my heaviest weight ever, I’m in my 30s now and i haven’t felt any ED symptoms for around 5 years ... but then I joined Slimming World. It’s like weight watchers but concentrated on allowed unlimited foods and counting non unlimited foods. Anyway week one I stick to it and I lose 7lbs. Great.

Week 4 and I’m restricting heavily even though I know I don’t need to. I can’t get out of this mindset and I’m drained with it. I’m eating once a day 700 calories! Why why why do I do this?

Sorry just needed to vent

DAE feel fatter after losing weight?
/u/SkinnyisSexy [5'7.6 |128.4|gw115|19.6| F]
Created: Sun Sep 2 00:57:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ca8mb/dae_feel_fatter_after_losing_weight/
---
I've lost 10 lbs and i just feel fatter. (Relapse was about 2-3 weeks ago) i don't remember feeling like this before. I always noticed progress. I feel like maybe I haven't really even lost weight. Maybe my scale is wrong. Maybe i was retaining water before, am i losing my shit? I'm so depressed. Nobody has noticed, nobody is concerned, nobody has asked if i lost weight. All i see is more fat...

I have food in my fridge for once
/u/kolimop
Created: Sun Sep 2 00:48:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ca794/i_have_food_in_my_fridge_for_once/
---
Is this what being a normal person is like?? I typically have a near empty fridge bc anything brought into my apt will be binged on.

But today...

I boxed part of my brunch and it's STILL in the fridge! I ate reasonably at the restaurant and I didn't shame eat the takeout an hr afterwards!!

I bought two mini cakes and decided... to just not eat them and save them for another day.

I have a pack of cookies and I didn't shove all 30 of them down my throat in one sitting.

I mean, I'll probably binge tomorrow, but today I feel proud of my disordered self.

[Rant/Rave] Coming clean to my boyfriend
/u/toe-beanz [5'2" | CW: 118 | 21.6 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 2 00:40:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ca60j/coming_clean_to_my_boyfriend/
---
I have an uncontrollable desire to come clean to my boyfriend. We live together but he has been gone almost every weekend for a couple months for work / family things. His absent allows me a lot of time to act on impulse, harmful, and unhealthy behaviors. I just purged for the first time after binging, which is a regular occurrence (every night) that he is away. Coming clean would explain a lot of emotional and impulse issues to him, but it scares the shit out of me. I feel as though it would benefit our relationship by reassuring to him that he isn’t the cause of my emotional problems, which he often thinks but I think it may produce more issues. Help??

[Rant/Rave] Does it drive anyone else crazy how people never take their measurements properly?
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 105-107 | UGW: 94 | F]
Created: Sun Sep 2 00:37:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ca5hi/does_it_drive_anyone_else_crazy_how_people_never/
---
This is maybe a super specific ED thing but I’ve been doing a lot of online shopping lately and it baffles me how many people don’t take their measurements correctly. I see people all the time claiming to be 145 pounds with a 28 inch bust and 30 inch hips and it’s like, maybe your bone structure is abnormally tiny but usually it’s that they’ve measured their underbust and highest part of their hips... I know it’s not actually a big deal but I find it soooooo triggering because it makes me feel like my bone structure is freakishly large. Just had to get that off my chest somewhere I thought people might understand.

[Other] when you're hungry but you already used up all your calories earlier in the day
/u/chubbyshrimpo
Created: Sun Sep 2 00:12:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ca1dw/when_youre_hungry_but_you_already_used_up_all/
---
https://i.redd.it/jwzu1ssjorj11.jpg

[Discussion] Kids meals at restaurants
/u/BunnyAwesome [5'7"| F | CW 120 | GW 110]
Created: Sat Sep 1 23:42:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c9wf4/kids_meals_at_restaurants/
---
I'm wondering if anyone has ever ordered a kids meal at restaurants, especially chain restaurants and in the UK but any experience is appreciated. I've done a bit of research and the calorific content is far less scary and more manageable for me but there's a part of me that wonders if I'd be... allowed? to order it as a grown ass woman?

This feels like a weird thing to be asking but i feel awful leaving most of my meal uneaten (It's another thing to leave my own food but the guilt is real when someone else has cooked it, especially as I've worked in food places) and the smaller portion would make the whole debacle so much simpler for me and my anxiety.

Thanks, and love to you all 🌸

What the fuck is wrong with me
/u/katie1220
Created: Sat Sep 1 23:39:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c9vtf/what_the_fuck_is_wrong_with_me/
---
All I want in the world is to be thinner but all I ever think about is food. How do I gain self control so I don’t spend the majority of time eating or thinking about eating. I hate my body and I know everyone else thinks I’m disgusting all I want is to lose weight I need advice

[Discussion] Does anyone else obsess over not just calories but also macros?
/u/xanmanorbartard
Created: Sat Sep 1 23:33:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c9up5/does_anyone_else_obsess_over_not_just_calories/
---
I high restrict at about 1200 a day (I'm 5'8, CW: 130) and have found that I'll do almost anything to keep my macros in order. For me this looks like less than 120g carbs, less than 1500mg of sodium, and more than 70g of protein. There's literally no reason for this except I'm terrified of the temporary change in water weight on the scale in the morning. If I go over my allotted carb or sodium budget I'll flush my system with a TON of water, like just under the amount that might give me water toxicity.

It's so maddening because if I didn't have this pointless obsession with macros my eating would be SO much less disordered than it is. I deprive myself of so much and force myself to eat things I hate to keep within my macro guidelines that again, are TOTALLY arbitrary and fucking made up, pulled out of my ass, bullshit. It fucking sucks. It's mostly the sodium that fucks me because there's a ton of things within my budget that just have like 800+ mg of sodium which is more than half of what I allow myself every day.

Like I've been craving pancakes for weeks and watching ihop mukbangs which is ridiculous because I've never had ihop in my entire fucking life. I checked the label of pancake mix that I have in the house out of curiosity and one serving (prepared) is 230 calories, make that 275 with margarine and honey, and yet I can't bring myself to make any in the morning because there's 42g of carbs and I can't rationalize it. Even though it's totally reasonable given my calorie limit. I'm almost in tears rn over some gotdamn pancakes. Anyway hope all y'all are doing better than I am at the moment.

-a long time lurker

Also shoutout to me for using the throwaway i have used literally once before to post in a drug forum with a stupid ass handle. No comment on my username please hah

[Intro] new account, word vomit, need friends, etc
/u/choustrings
Created: Sat Sep 1 22:41:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c9kmk/new_account_word_vomit_need_friends_etc/
---
today i ditched my old reddit and started anew, despite the fact that i didn’t post often enough for any of you to remember who i was anyway.

forgive me for the format but i’m super sleepy and just wanted to purge my brain before i call it a night.

1. it’s been about two months only having lost 5 pounds. before then i was doing well, losing quickly (30 pounds total, although i have a bad memory due to benzos so i can’t exactly remember the time frame)

2. how do you update flairs on this site? lol. is it possible on mobile?

3. i had an irl acquaintance who’s mutually expressed wanting to become friends ask on twitter for someone to talk to about ed things, but i think i got a bit too excited and scared her away. along with my message being very open about my inability to assure her that is talking like that could be constructive in any way, i was sort of looking forward to having someone to talk about this to. even if it turns out to be encouraging to us, tbh that’s kind of want i want right now because holy fuck i feel like shit about myself and have so close until i hit my temporary goal.

4. i got a second job and now work every day, which helps me to forget about food. i’m happy about that.

thanks for listening, y’all. this place has always been a sort of safe haven for me.

[Rant/Rave] I hate that i view myself like this now
/u/tarynughhh
Created: Sat Sep 1 22:28:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c9i4z/i_hate_that_i_view_myself_like_this_now/
---
I NEVER HAD BODY IMAGE ISSUES BEFORE THIS SUMMER


now all i do is restrict,then binge and purge, and exercise in my room for 2 hours

i hate what i see in the mirror and i’m at an all time low weight and all i see is fat and i’m disgusted (5’8 and 115 lbs) i just want things to go back to the way they were and not hate myself as much as i do now

i’m literally such a mess (TW) i’m suicidal, i cut, i drink, i smoke and NOW THIS as if i need more shit to deal with i hate my mind SO MUCH i just want it to END

DAE not believe their calorie counter?
/u/DistortionPuddle [5'7" | CW:138.5 | BMI:21.7 | GW: 125| 31F]
Created: Sat Sep 1 22:25:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c9hh9/dae_not_believe_their_calorie_counter/
---
I enter all my food faithfully, but sometimes I look at the total during the day and think “yeah right, what bullshit.”

Today, for example, my total count is 660. I feel like I’ve eaten more like 1200. I even overestimated servings just to be safe, but still I feel like the total shown on the Lose It app at the end of the day can’t possibly be correct and that surely I’ll wake up like five pounds heavier. I’m not alone, right?

[Tip] i am panicking because i am going on vacation
/u/chzkayla
Created: Sat Sep 1 22:15:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c9fgl/i_am_panicking_because_i_am_going_on_vacation/
---
fuck my life fuck fuck fuck fuck

i am pretty sure i am gonna weigh a ton after my 10 days trip, and i am fucking nervous bc i am gonna be with people, i have considered to bring my weighing machine with me

but if my friends sees that i bring my machine with me, they will know that i am a fucked up disordered asshole, and i cannot let them know that. fuck fuck fuck

i will be walking a lot, and in one of the apartment they have a gym, but fuck i am so scared wkeoqnekqnelrnwkdnlwneowwnk

i don’t even think i’ll be able to enjoy the vacation that i have been dreaming about since last december now. fuck i hate this shit.

any tips on how to deal with an eating disorder on a vacation. because i really really want to enjoy myself, and have all the food that i want. fuck fuck fuck. please somebody just give me like a tip or 2.

My pants don't fit anymore
/u/Slice_n_diced
Created: Sat Sep 1 22:10:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c9efh/my_pants_dont_fit_anymore/
---
My pants are too loose but not yet loose enough to justify getting new pants, so it's really inconvenient. I got drunk and opened up to a friend about my eating disorder, and how I believe no one will take me seriously because of my current weight (I'm actually obese lmao). I also drunkenly came out as gay to a different friend. Basically, I've made a complete ass of myself and I'm hiding in the bathroom as I'm writing this.

But hey, at least my pants don't fit.

[Discussion] DAE feel too old to have an eating disorder?
/u/pmmesadclowns
Created: Sat Sep 1 22:08:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c9dx7/dae_feel_too_old_to_have_an_eating_disorder/
---
OBVIOUSLY eating disorders don’t age discriminate but try telling my dumb brain that.

Maybe it’s because I’m mostly active on tumblr (which has a pretty young user base) that’s making me feel like an elderly woman around a bunch of kids, but I definitely feel like a senior citizen in the eating disorder community.

I’m 20 now and sometimes feel like there’s no point to even losing weight because my “prime” years are gone, even though I know logically that I’m still SO young. It’s a stupid insecurity but an insecurity nonetheless.

[Help] When I move out
/u/avocados_on_toast [168cm | CW: 47kg | BMI: 16.7 | lost: 23kg | F]
Created: Sat Sep 1 21:49:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c99wd/when_i_move_out/
---
With my final year of school finishing in a couple of months, I'm hoping to move out next year. Most people are worried about finances and stability, but I'm most worried about my ED getting worse as I'll have full control over my food intake.

At home my family forces us all to sit and eat dinner so there's really no avoiding it when I'm here, but at school I rarely eat. At this point in time I'm unable to get any kind of professional help to get me started on proper recovery, so it's really up to me at the moment. People who've recovered, what's something that helped the most? I hope to have improved majorly before I really start my life I guess

[Rant/Rave] Worried about my roommate even though she’s kind of annoying?
/u/peachypetrina
Created: Sat Sep 1 21:39:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c97ty/worried_about_my_roommate_even_though_shes_kind/
---
This week I moved into college and just started living with my randomly assigned roommate. I already know she’s not gonna be one of my close friends because she’s a little bit over-the-top/extra (I’m more laidback and quiet so she’s just too intense for me) but with her over-sharing personality I’ve heard her make different comments about her body.

She spends a lot of time going through different outfits and poses when looking at the mirror while simultaneously sighing and making frustrated remarks. Like, she literally changed into 5 different outfits before she left our room one time. The other day she did that and told me she hates the proportion of her chest to her waist. She goes to the gym a lot (although she says she loves working out) and tonight she “casually” told me she hadn’t eaten anything since 10 am.

So this is conflicting because I do feel bad and I relate to not liking your own body. But damn like she has an attention-seeking personality at the same time so I’m also annoyed and don’t know what to say?

I should mention that sometimes I feel like I could be influencing this. I’m definitely skinnier than her (and who the fuck doesn’t compare their body to this new person they have to live with) and Idk I don’t want to be conceited lol but I wear a lot of nice, flattering outfits. I also brought my scale to college and put it in our bathroom — she could be tempted to constantly weigh herself and it’s a little bit my fault for having it. She doesn’t know I’ve dealt with an eating disorder though because I’ve kind of put disordered eating on a pause this week since so many social events revolve around it and I need to make some damn friends here.

She also has issues with her self esteem when it comes to guys since she’s been led on before so of course this stuff doesn’t come from nowhere. And she’s a theater major and I think any career where you’re in the spotlight makes your susceptible to an ED. Still, I’m not sure if these signs I’ve noticed are her trying to get attention — especially telling me she hasn’t eaten since morning and then refusing the food I offered her after she told me?? I’m not one to police EDs but usually people keep that shit secret?

[Help] When you have a “grand master plan” of going to gym and doing 1hr cardio/jogging 1hr weights 1hr stretching+sauna+shower BUT....
/u/ohhhhk3
Created: Sat Sep 1 21:12:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c924r/when_you_have_a_grand_master_plan_of_going_to_gym/
---
You’re too anxious to go and feel like a deer in fucking head lights.

Help.

Irrationally triggered by my mom’s supportive comments
/u/catacomical
Created: Sat Sep 1 21:08:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c91b4/irrationally_triggered_by_my_moms_supportive/
---
Just need to rant, sorry guys. So I’ve been lifting for about a year and half now, and have gotten pretty strong. I’m still slim but noticeably more muscular, and my mom is super proud of my progress. One of the ways she shows this is by squeezing my shoulders and marvelling at the muscle I’ve accumulated there. I love my mom and I know she’s just being supportive, but this triggers the FUCK out of me. I can feel my fat and the weight I’ve gained underneath her fingers and urgh it just feels terrible, especially when she compares it to her own skinny shoulders. She also makes some passive aggressive comments sometimes like “wow those arms are like a mans! Well done!” Or “them thighs look nice and big”! I honestly don’t know to cope, I HATE it when other people squeeze parts of my body that I’m insecure about it

How do you deal with body dysmorphia as a bride?
/u/whenthepawndrops
Created: Sat Sep 1 20:57:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c8ywv/how_do_you_deal_with_body_dysmorphia_as_a_bride/
---
I know my disordered eating and self image has taking a sharp turn for the worse as I get closer to my wedding. I already told my therapist I didn't think I could make progress on the eating front until after the wedding but I didn't expect my reflection to get this distorted. I feel like I could look at a photo of myself in my wedding dress and think I look huge, or thin, or top heavy, or big bottomed, or just a big blur. It's gotten to a point where I feel so much anxiety about whether my dress fits me because I don't even know anymore. I think the woman who is taking my dress in thinks I am just plain nuts at this point. I honestly wanted to get down two more pounds before my wedding but if I do that now I'll need to have the dress taken in more and it's expensive because of the detail.

Have you experienced this? I'm torn between wanting to feel the satisfaction of my next goal weight and not wanting to have my dress sagging on me. I'm stuck feeling like I have no idea if I look nice anymore or just hating myself so much. On this one day I just want to feel beautiful for once. Lame. True.

Day 19 no-binge and I have my period and just want to consume all
/u/multicolour-squirrel [5'8 |147lbs|-18lbs|GW:132|25F]
Created: Sat Sep 1 20:34:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c8tlt/day_19_nobinge_and_i_have_my_period_and_just_want/
---
even my boyfriend is offering to buy me a burger and curly fries for dinner 😭 the struggle is real

[Help] shortness of breath/having to take deep breaths related to ed?
/u/scornedcinnamon
Created: Sat Sep 1 20:22:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c8r2y/shortness_of_breathhaving_to_take_deep_breaths/
---
for the past week for so, i've been feeling like i have to take deep breaths somewhat often, especially after i eat. i've also had a few light sinus headaches since noticing this. i do have a history of asthma but that was when i was a lot younger. i started reducing my cals around the end of june but started paying more attention to it by the end of july. i'm high restricting right now (800-1000) with moderate exercise for context. the last time i recall feeling like this was during the school year when i was highly stressed before my midterms but i'm relatively relaxed in the summer now.

i could be just reaching, but i'm not sure if this is indicative of something more serious. could this be related to my eating disorder? or is asthma linked to EDs? it doesn't feel wheezy but the shortness of breath is frustrating. it interferes with my desire to physically eat, which might be considered good, but it makes me feel bloated and i feel super weak and irritable when i'm not able to eat the low cal option i planned. i normally end up eating the food anyway lol but it's not a great feeling.

[Other] HOW TO LOSE YOUR APPETITE FOREVER *WARNING THIS IS ACTUALLY DISGUSTING & NOT ACTUALLY A TIP*
/u/heyheypicklejay [5'1 | cw 98 | gw 90 | bmi 19.32 | 20F]
Created: Sat Sep 1 19:58:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c8lkw/how_to_lose_your_appetite_forever_warning_this_is/
---
WANNA KNOW HOW TO LOSE YOUR APPETITE FOREVER?!

Just do what I did & store some food in your oven to save some space in your tiny kitchen (just a single bag of onions will do the trick) & then accidentally forget about them! Eventually, they'll rot without you ever even knowing, & by the time you finally remember they're in there, fruit flies will have caught on to the rotting food in your oven and lay eggs in that fucking wasted space!!!!

The shock of finding LIVE FLY LARVAE ALL OVER THE BOTTOM OF YOUR FUCKING OVEN will make you never want to step back into your kitchen! Not to mention, the self-loathing you'll feel after knowing you did this all to yourself will make you feel even less deserving of food ever again!

Sorry to be totally gross but I am so completely disgusted at my own ignorance. I actually really dont know what to do because I live alone and am too embarassed and feel too stupid to ask anyone else what I should do. Sorry again for the vivid imagery.


TLDR; I left onions in my oven to rot & my oven is now filled with fruit fly larvae.

[Rant/Rave] Stop fucking commenting on how I look already
/u/sadboy4life
Created: Sat Sep 1 19:35:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c8g7x/stop_fucking_commenting_on_how_i_look_already/
---
First time writer, long time lurker here.

Just need to vent a bit and don’t really know where else to do it, so here we go.

Spent last week on an educational program for work. It was great except for this one college who is really one of my best friends from work, who kept commenting on my body and how I dressed. It was not even only mean comments but it made me really uncomfortable and angry anyways. Like one time he touched my stomach and said ”you almost have a six pack.” I just wanted to tell him that comments like that is the reason I lock my self in a room just to purge and the reason that I’ve spent the last 5 years in-and-out of psychiatrics-offices.

On the last night we all had a big dinner together and he commented on my eating habits and then on my clothes and I just lost it. All the feelings I had built up from all his comments through out the week just bursted out and I had to leave. I ended up crying outside the restaurant.

I was just so angry. Why do people think it’s ok to comment on me all the time? I just want to tell them to mind their own fucking business but I’m to scared of confrontation so I always just end up not telling them off.

[Tip] Anti-weekend binging trick
/u/lilmdjd [5'3 | CW: 135 | LW: 95 | GW 115 | 23F]
Created: Sat Sep 1 18:57:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c87g4/antiweekend_binging_trick/
---
I posted a few days ago about being committed to not binging, and so far so good! I ate at maintenance yesterday, which I don’t feel guilty about whatsoever, though I do feel like I look bigger today but that’s probably inaccurate. Anyway, I noticed myself doing this thing where I would relive last Saturday’s binge. So at like ten I’d think “by this time last Saturday I had eaten x,y,z.” And then I’d relive all the shame and bloated feelings and it has really helped motivate me. I also wrote a note in my phone w reasons not to binge and then set a few reminders that said “read the note” and that has helped. tbh I haven’t eaten since yesterday and I’m 20 hours away from accidentally finishing my 24 hour fast but I am so tempted to just keep it going. Though I’m scared that might trigger a binge...

Family BBQ happening rn..
/u/speedayyyy
Created: Sat Sep 1 18:55:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c86wp/family_bbq_happening_rn/
---
I fasted for two days to prepare for this, worked out like crazy and didn’t eat at work despite running around for 10 hours today. I’m still freaking out. I’m having one tiny burger and one hot dog. Amounting to a whopping 600 calories. The food isn’t don’t yet but I’m still freaking out internally about eating all of it. I probably won’t be able to finish it :/ I hate outings with food.

[Discussion] Dae find their appetite/hunger varies a lot day to day?
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2 | 150 | Aiming for 146 by 9/25 | -12| f21]
Created: Sat Sep 1 18:31:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c81b0/dae_find_their_appetitehunger_varies_a_lot_day_to/
---
Some days I can eat very little with no issue, I'm happy, energetic and don't think much about food. Other days I can barely stay under 1200 and feel like I'm biding time to eat again. But not In a binge way, I'm just super, Super hungry. I eat similar stuff at the same time everyday so I don't think that's related, I just feel famished some days and not others.

[Help] Binge Free Day 1
/u/thingsarestranger [5’2” | CW: 125 | HW: 160 | GW: 95 | F ]
Created: Sat Sep 1 18:06:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c7vji/binge_free_day_1/
---
Hi all. I’m already struggling with day 1 :( for the past week or two I have binged and purged 3-5 times a day everyday so I’m like going crazy craving a binge right now. I’ve only had 250 cals rn. I know logically I should just eat a snack or a meal but nope my stupid brain wants to eat everything and throw it all up. Helppppp. I’m the one who made the stupid post and I’m already struggling. How are you all doing? Were you successful today or did you slip up? Any plans for getting back on track if you did slip up?

What is it like having body dysmorphia? How do you know if you have it?
/u/catsrule-humansdrool [5'5 | CW 153 | -58 lbs | 25.5 BMI | 23F]
Created: Sat Sep 1 17:51:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c7ryp/what_is_it_like_having_body_dysmorphia_how_do_you/
---
I went to my therapist again recently because my depression has gotten pretty unmanageable, and I mentioned that I will consider getting back on meds, but only if they're not any of the ones that can make you gain weight. And then after a while of talking more about my eating disorder (but she won't formally diagnose me because it's not her area of expertise), she mentioned that she thinks I might have body dysmorphia. Honestly, I don't really think I do, but if I did... how would I know?

[Discussion] Weirdest things you’ve done during a binge?
/u/fernsandfoxes [5'5.5"|CW:109|BMI:18|GW:100|19F]
Created: Sat Sep 1 17:10:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c7i3e/weirdest_things_youve_done_during_a_binge/
---
Mine are eating brown sugar straight from the bag and pitting an avocado with my teeth because the knives were all dirty. I really wanted that fucking avocado 😳

[Help] I can't help but involuntary purge anymore when I eat something I know I shouldn't have
/u/Minicarrotmuffin
Created: Sat Sep 1 17:08:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c7hfn/i_cant_help_but_involuntary_purge_anymore_when_i/
---
I ate cake and immediately threw it up because my body just didn't want it. I don't even have to stick my finger down my throat anymore so I guess this is a win :/

Hydroxycut
/u/Pettyinblack [5'2|CW130|HW170|F28]
Created: Sat Sep 1 16:57:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c7env/hydroxycut/
---
Ok y’all, I’m hoping I can get some feedback.

What version of hydroxycut have you taken? I went to check it out and there are like 5 different variations. For women? Gummy’s? Max? Normal? What’s the difference? What have you tried? Did it work for you? Side effects?

[Rant/Rave] Stress
/u/n34543 [5'5 | CW: 127 | 21.1 | GW: 117 ]
Created: Sat Sep 1 16:44:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c7b7n/stress/
---
Are you ever just stressed and losing weight and restricting and not fucking hungry but then get the urge to fucking eat?

BECAUSE I JUST HAD A HALF OF A WHOLE BRAND NEW BAG OF GRANOLA THAT MY MOM HAD HID SO I WOULDNT BINGE AND I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE

How do I stop

[Help] i almost passed out please help
/u/rainesaway
Created: Sat Sep 1 16:31:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c77sv/i_almost_passed_out_please_help/
---
so i was restricting a lot for about 2 months and for the past couple days i’ve been eating “normally”. but, i didn’t eat more than 300 calories until about 4 and i almost passed out. any idea of why?

[Help] What are other things that you eat to prevent snacking (i.e. other than gum or diet coke)?
/u/chrysanthemym [she/her // queer // fuckin' pear shaped]
Created: Sat Sep 1 16:31:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c77sp/what_are_other_things_that_you_eat_to_prevent/
---
Typically whenever I’m in a “snacky” mood at home, I always turn to drowning my body in diet coke or chewing packets of gum.

That’s starting to get old so, what do you do?

Thank you to this sub!! ♥️♥️♥️
/u/jjamjamm
Created: Sat Sep 1 16:17:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c746h/thank_you_to_this_sub/
---
Just wanted to give my thanks to everyone in this sub. You guys built me up when irl didn't know how to and encouraged me to work on a healthy relationship with food. I wasn't the most vocal person on this sub but when I was here, the people were very compassionate and welcoming about my circumstances. Y'all comforted me when I was at my lowest and I couldn't be more proud to be a part of a group of internet friends. I probably wouldn't be alive without you guys.

It's been about four months since I last weighed my food and two since I felt guilty about the numbers on the scale and I couldn't be more relieved. Today I checked something off of my food bucket list a slice from artichoke pizza, which if you're from New York you know is giant, (buttery, creamy, and so so cheesey) and a large cup of bubble tea by myself. Didn't even think about the calories the entire time either!

I still have some issues to work through (how slowly I eat, planning a workout around my consumption, buying backup gum etc) but it's been weeks since I thought about purging, so I want to give a shout-out to everyone who was imvolved in this healing process, either via a reply or an upvote.

ED making going back to uni hard
/u/cherryxnut
Created: Sat Sep 1 15:57:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c6yu1/ed_making_going_back_to_uni_hard/
---
I start my second year in about 2 weeks. I’ve never been happy with my body but my recent relapse is making me feel borderline suicidal about it. The idea of going back to uni, being around loads of people, being judged etc is really provoking a lot of anxiety. I don’t have friends there either for support. Just feel sick even thinking about classes... ugh!

[Other] Has anyone made Zero Point Soup?
/u/OmegaChance
Created: Sat Sep 1 15:39:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c6u3a/has_anyone_made_zero_point_soup/
---
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.geniuskitchen.com/amp/recipe/ww-0-point-weight-watchers-cabbage-soup-128956

DAE get brief "glimpses into reality"?
/u/whatsacal
Created: Sat Sep 1 15:08:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c6l6l/dae_get_brief_glimpses_into_reality/
---
got in the shower today and, in the mirror, was able to get a good look at my collarbones and ribs and waist and was like "yeah this is definitely progress. this could probably be a good final weight"

but then i got out of the shower and was somehow fat in the same mirror??

does anyone else have these moments? like, I could see my actual weight for a second, I swear

I don't have any particular cravings or hunger...
/u/CountingKittyCats
Created: Sat Sep 1 15:00:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c6iri/i_dont_have_any_particular_cravings_or_hunger/
---
So why am I sitting around c/sing a box of chips ahoy, a bag of skittles, some fun sized snickers, a "party" pizza, another generic frozen pizza, and a coconut cake drinking?

I needed to fill up the gas in my car, so then I figured I might as well go to Walmart on the way back and gave myself $12 to spend on junk food despite not really craving anything particular. I basically just figured I'd get some as "entertainment" while drinking today.

RIP.

I can't think of a relevant title 👯
/u/rachelrayromano [5'4" | CW BINGE BLIMP | 19.86 |F]
Created: Sat Sep 1 14:34:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c6bxh/i_cant_think_of_a_relevant_title/
---
I'm taking my lunch break at the park across from my work. There's an art in the park event and they have live music and performers who dance. Two belly dancers just danced so freely and they were so happy and the crowd loved them. One was close to my weight, but the other was bigger. They both smiled and enjoyed themselves, they seemed so calm and happy. They both showed off their stomachs and I was so happy for them both, but also so jealous that I couldn't do that ever. I just can't put myself in that mental space and I can't give myself permission to enjoy my body. I froze and couldn't leave and I'm kind of glad because I made myself sit though a baby panic attack and I'm trying to deal with whatever these feelings are instead of ignoring them. I didn't have breakfast and I'm not eating lunch and I'm just sitting here watching them dance and wondering what the fuck is wrong with me. What kind of life am I living? I'm shaking just trying to comprehend this existential crisis. Idk what to do. I just want to be happy and normal, whatever that is.

[Rant/Rave] REVERSE REVERSE
/u/fastingfrycook
Created: Sat Sep 1 14:03:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c63ed/reverse_reverse/
---
I told myself this wasn't going to be a real problem. That giving in to this relapse would be fine. I mean, if even really was one -- was that first episode real? Was I faking it then? It seemed to end so quickly, though I think I put in effort. 


Other people have been worse. I was faking it. This episode was probably the real first one, but was it really? I haven't lost weight. I restrict and I binge and i purge, but I don't do any of that THAT much, not as much as other people. I'm obsessed, yeah, but I could quit any time I wanted to. I panic all the time and this is putting a strain on all my relationships but it's fine. 


In fact, I'm only letting this happen because I probably should just work it out with my therapist when I go back to school in January. That can be when I start recovery! Until then it'll be fine. Just like when I spent all summer doing drugs and planned to just quit cold turkey when back to school.


Except I got high a lot that semester! 🤔 And except now I'm thinking about how hard it is sometimes to get away with my bullshit here, how easy it was when I ACTUALLY started to show symptoms again during my last semester, not just at the start of the summer when I finally realized what was going on.


Not that I really accepted it. 


I thought shrooms would cure me but all they did was make me feel in tune with my skeleton. I panicked over disappointing everyone with my mental illnesses and did a line of meth because fuck it, then spent 2 days without sleep (and more meth the next day) and suffered the depressive, suicidal comedown. Not before making an idiot of myself to my friends and boyfriend, though, in some attempt to make them finally hate me enough to let me die alone.


But I talked to my sister for hours and hours about my daily life with an eating disorder. She listened to all of it and she doesn't fully understand but she is supportive of me eventually getting better but she even said it's something that, while on some level I'll have to deal with my whole life, is something I can manage and is worth managing as recovery becomes something I'm willing to work toward.


I'm scared about how much I feel sometimes that my real self is dying under this. What if I made a mistake letting this take over? Why didn't I expect that to make recovery harder to want? 


Why did I let this become real and why can't I accept that it's real?



Just taken 6 sachets of Andrews salts
/u/littlegoldsmith
Created: Sat Sep 1 13:46:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c5yqr/just_taken_6_sachets_of_andrews_salts/
---
Had a bad cold on holiday for the last three days an didn’t want to b/p yesterday so ate normally which I haven’t done in nearly a year. Fast forward to today and I look very pregnant 🤰 so went and bought some Andrews salts original. Took 6 sachets, will it take a while to kick in or just a few hours? In a lotttt of pain from being backed up

[Goal] September 1st! Anyone wanna be fresh start buddies?
/u/foxmilk [5'3 | 138 | 24.2 | f]
Created: Sat Sep 1 13:44:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c5y6z/september_1st_anyone_wanna_be_fresh_start_buddies/
---
[removed]

Weight has been at a plateau and it's killing me?
/u/beezythegiraffe
Created: Sat Sep 1 13:37:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c5vy2/weight_has_been_at_a_plateau_and_its_killing_me/
---
So I'm currently at 95.2 lb. Occasionally it will fluctuate by a pound or two due to water weight, but on average ive been 95 for six months. I've been steadily trying to lose it this whole time but *it just won't go away!* I eat about 700 cal a day and I'm extremely active, I just don't understand?? I was at my lowest weight ever a few years ago at 83.2 lb, but that was with the assistance of cocaine and meth, and ever since I went clean (3 years now) I just can't get back down that low! It's killing me but I would never turn to drugs to lose weight again. What do I do?? Do you guys have any tricks for getting out of a hard plateau?

[Goal] Starting my first ever 24h- 48h fast
/u/gauntlyghost [1.68cm | CW :cake: | BMI 19something | F]
Created: Sat Sep 1 12:48:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c5i9z/starting_my_first_ever_24h_48h_fast/
---
Starting my first ever 24h- 48h fast. I've never tried to do it for longer than 16 hours but I'm planning on doing a Junk Food Free September and I want to be 'empty' when I start. Please send me some good positive vibes!

Relapsed after 6 months of not purging
/u/lizbites
Created: Sat Sep 1 12:43:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c5goz/relapsed_after_6_months_of_not_purging/
---
Today I ate some leftover sushi after a workout... I’m not sure if it had actually gone bad or if I just convinced myself that it had, but I made myself throw it up afterwards.

If any of you have purged sushi before, then you know it’s fucking disgusting and it literally looks like sewage in the toilet.

I’m grossed out and disappointed with myself but I also can’t help but enjoy the high afterwards... not sure what to do from here.

Anyway, just wanted to tell somebody who might understand. Thanks for listening.

[Rant/Rave] I ate a mustard packet at work today
/u/solidpenis
Created: Sat Sep 1 12:42:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c5gj5/i_ate_a_mustard_packet_at_work_today/
---
How does shit like this happen lmao. I’ve been so anxious about gaining recently too feels like I’m losing my fucking mind over one stupid binge day after a couple weeks of heavy restricting. It’s so much more of an emotional set back than a physical one every time but I try convincing myself of that and it’s like I can’t compute

[Goal] Bought a pair of goal pants
/u/sadbirdie12
Created: Sat Sep 1 12:08:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c56vl/bought_a_pair_of_goal_pants/
---
I’m on track towards my GW, having an easy time water fasting and extremely low restricting. Bought myself a pair of 24 inch waist pants to fit in when I get there... and I can fit in them! They button and zip up, very uncomfortable and not wearable now but it makes me feel so close.

[Discussion] Fasting with a bunch of stimulants and almost fainted on day one - what went wrong?
/u/ineedalifeee
Created: Sat Sep 1 11:55:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c533r/fasting_with_a_bunch_of_stimulants_and_almost/
---
Yesterday I started a fast, except I’d eat around 200 calories when it’s time to take vitamins/meds so I wouldn’t hurt my stomach. I had almost all of an egg white delight from McDonald’s around 9am (yuck was gross). Around 5pm whenever I’d stand up my vision went black, and I’d stumble. I used to be able to water fast for days in a row without dying! It got really scary so I had to eventually force myself to eat, to which it then stopped. I also noticed before I ate, whenever I laid down my hands and feet were more prone to becoming numb than usual.

In the morning I took 200mg caffeine and 12.5mg ephedrine, which I shouldn’t have issues with because I drink caffeine on a regular basis as well as using bronkaid.

Would it be right to assume it was my blood sugar and not lack of electrolytes? I would like to try fasting again today, but maybe including half a regular Gatorade a day (with added sugar). What are you guys thoughts?

Anyone else use Losertown and lost faster than what it said?
/u/Tatytat24
Created: Sat Sep 1 11:15:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c4rpa/anyone_else_use_losertown_and_lost_faster_than/
---
If you're not familiar with Losertown it's a website where you can input your info and calories to see where your weight can be if you continue on that diet.. I've been losing faster than what it said I would. Just curious if anyone else had that happen to them as well.

[Discussion] Anybody else have any IRL ED friends and cherish those friendships?
/u/sunnshine67 [5'4 vampire | CW 137.2 | 23.7 | -27.8 | F]
Created: Sat Sep 1 11:12:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c4qx4/anybody_else_have_any_irl_ed_friends_and_cherish/
---
I have a friend with an ED and idk how we both figured out we both have issues but we did and now we can talk about it openly and it’s honestly so fucking freeing. Like some of my close friends know about my ED and they are supportive but they don’t get it ya know? But with my one friend I can say something fucked up and she doesn’t judge and she understands and honestly it’s so nice

Fellow ladies that are usually the heavier ones in the group at bars and clubs and then get generally avoided, can we talk about it?
/u/High_as_red [5'4 | F]
Created: Sat Sep 1 11:06:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c4p0n/fellow_ladies_that_are_usually_the_heavier_ones/
---


I’m on vacation and I’ve binged all week
/u/robreinerismydad
Created: Sat Sep 1 11:03:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c4o7l/im_on_vacation_and_ive_binged_all_week/
---
After 3 weeks of successful IF, I’m sure I have gained it all back and then some. I have constant heartburn and sour stomach. I’m not pooping normally, I think I’m throwing off my digestive system by stuffing so much junk in. I had to buy new shirts bc I couldn’t stand how my stomach looked in the smaller tanks I brought. I eat chips, candy, and donuts for breakfast. I eat all day long, into the night. I feel disgusting and I can’t wait to get back home and starve myself again. I literally cannot stop. Every day I wake up and tell myself “today will be different”, but it’s like a drug. During a normal week, I can control my eating. But vacation just wrecks everything. My MIL has taken photos of me, and I just look huge. I just needed to vent.

ok
/u/cursedconcubine
Created: Sat Sep 1 10:45:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c4iwq/ok/
---
https://i.redd.it/cn6gpecvonj11.jpg

[Other] Ugh....
/u/ohdarlingyourefucked
Created: Sat Sep 1 10:44:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c4igo/ugh/
---
I was doing so well until a last minute family dinner yesterday. I was planning on just a salad but I ended up eating a bit of the two appetizers that got ordered plus an order of chicken bites. I told myself it would be fine and I’d just continue on and try better today. Well I just downed an large iced pumpkin latte and a bacon waffle sandwich. I’m disgustingly full. 😭 I’m going to a ball game tonight but I’m planning to just fast for the rest of the day. I hate myself. I want this food out of me!

Can't weight myself for a month
/u/Freaks-Cacao [176cm | 71,5kg | 22,3 | 3,5kg | Female]
Created: Sat Sep 1 10:29:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c4e08/cant_weight_myself_for_a_month/
---
Hello !

So this month I will live with my brother. Good thing is I won't be homeless. Bad thing is that he's really, really mad about letting me live with him.

Other Bad thing is that he does not own a body scale (how ?!). I already have a body scale that is in a box in a storage room somewhere in Paris, so I should not buy another one just for this month, especially since I will have money issues this month. But at the same time, I can't see myself not weighting myself for a month. I really risk to go in the storage room and unpack a box so I can find my scale, but it would really be messy, over the top, and it might get my brother suspicious. He was already kind of pissed and worried when I ate something like a fourth of the amount of pasta he ate yesterday, and with nous sauce...

Also, I hate that I can't weight what I eat, that I'm scrutinized, that my brother and his flatmates drink beers every evening and eat sooo much, and that I can't really cook my weird ED foods for myself. I will have to find a ton of excuses and "eat with friends" all the time, which won't be realistic since I have no money.

But I'm not homeless, and that rocks !!

I found this journal entry and, while not the most eloquent, it really sums up how I feel at my lowest. I just wanted to share.
/u/trytostay
Created: Sat Sep 1 10:28:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c4dpn/i_found_this_journal_entry_and_while_not_the_most/
---
https://i.redd.it/v25uzmcrlnj11.jpg

@ Ladies (and Gents) who did/are doing C25K
/u/whitechocolateonly [5'8" | CW: 128.2 & BMI: 19.5 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Sat Sep 1 10:27:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c4diz/ladies_and_gents_who_didare_doing_c25k/
---
How do you not die?? I couldn’t make survive the 1/2 half of Week 1 Day 1 because it felt like my legs were tingle and were gonna fall off? And I wasn’t even going hard on the jogging portions. Advice please.

[Help] Does anyone here have any experience with wigs after hair loss?
/u/halconpequena [5'7" | gw 108 | f24 | formerly /u/screamingfalcon]
Created: Sat Sep 1 10:11:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c48up/does_anyone_here_have_any_experience_with_wigs/
---
So my constant binging and restricting, vitamin deficiency, and stress/depression has led to A LOT of my hair being much much thinner :( maybe bleaching it for a few years also, not sure... my hair was so nice before and I cry about this sometimes lol.

It’s now so thin you can see my scalp and I just want to die being out in public. I’m about to start some classes and I want to have a wig so no one can tell. Even someone I was recently casually seeing always commented on my hair and “oh wow your hair is soooo thin I can see your scalp?” on a regular basis and it made me feel like trash. Does anyone here have an recommendations where to buy relatively cheap wigs? I would actually prefer them to be synthetic hair for now so I get some practice and can switch them out more often. I would also like to find some lace front wigs so it looks more like my actual hair. In case it matters, I have very dark brown hair that is naturally pretty wavy/big curled.

Really any advice is appreciated, and hopefully someone else can use the advice here also!

Restricting is easy...
/u/intothepanicroom
Created: Sat Sep 1 10:00:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c45lb/restricting_is_easy/
---
Restricting is easy when you can’t afford food 😩 what the fuck is my life?

[Discussion] SEPTEMBER 1ST WEIGH IN THREAD AYYYYEEEE
/u/LillyWhiteAndFrozen [5'4 | 167 lbs | -10.2 lbs |29.23 | F]
Created: Sat Sep 1 09:59:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c450s/september_1st_weigh_in_thread_ayyyyeeee/
---
Hey, everyone <3

&#x200B;

So a bunch of people here, myself included, were waiting until September 1st to weigh ourselves for various reasons. I felt like it motivated me a lot to have a specific date set in mind when I would find out how well I've done, and it kept me from getting discouraged by minor gains from water, bloating, etc.

All told, I went two weeks and three days without weighing myself at all (and I own a scale).

So how did we do??? I'll go first :\]

I went from 177.2 (disgusting) to 167.0 (still disgusting BUT I LOST OVER TEN POUNDS and I was terrified I would have only lost 1-3 pounds or even gained somehow.

I am finally just "overweight" instead of "obese" and I could cry. I feel so motivated and I decided I'm only going to weigh myself once or twice a week at the most from now on.

I hope all of you had a good weigh in, whatever that means for you personally <3

[Discussion] What do you guys consider a binge?
/u/not-creative-enough-
Created: Sat Sep 1 09:57:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c44ms/what_do_you_guys_consider_a_binge/
---
For me it’s my intention with how I ate. Like today I “signed up” for no-binge September (another member made a post) and within a couple hours I completely forgot and just ate like 800 calories in binge-mode. I’m still under my calorie goal and can keep that there for the rest of the day, but I still think of what I did as a binge and feel like I failed already.

Also, how do you guys pull yourself from binge mode? My body has felt absolutely sick at the thought of food and I don’t want to eat but my head is still like “fuck it!! Let’s go binge and feel like shit!! That sounds like a great time ya know!”

i sure do wish i could feel something!
/u/duskedfur [5'7"|CW: 107|16.7|UGW: 103|F]
Created: Sat Sep 1 09:46:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c41b9/i_sure_do_wish_i_could_feel_something/
---
just weighed myself, 104.4, guess i wooshed? i weighed multiple times in different areas to make sure it was accurate and yep. that’s under my previous UGW of 105 and a pound and a half away from my new UGW. i’m supposed to switch to maintenance calories now but uhhhhh calorie machine broke so now i’m just laying in bed sadly on my phone as usual, just knowing i’m at the weight i was supposed to want :/

[Rant/Rave] Waitressing at a restaurant while fasting
/u/bvad4780
Created: Sat Sep 1 09:43:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c40m9/waitressing_at_a_restaurant_while_fasting/
---
It’s fucking impossible, I have to watch people eat, I have to smell it, look at it, make it in some cases. Sometimes it’s almost unbearable to not eat, I’m constantly thinking about food because I have to to do my job. I get unlimited free drinks while I work (black coffee and Diet Coke get me through). The only thing stopping me from eating is keeping myself busy constantly and thinking about all the calories in each dish (a panzorotti alone is easily 2500kcals and that turns me right off.) I try to work as hard as possible to stop from eating and burning as many calories as possible. I’m in the middle the longest fast I’ve ever done (38 hours as of now) and I’m about to go into an 8 hour shift and I’m super nervous about what’s going to happen today.

Being around so much bad food while fasting is doing my head in. Thanks for letting me vent ❤️

[Discussion] Anyone else get excited about trying a new lax?
/u/SensiblePizza
Created: Sat Sep 1 09:31:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c3x8t/anyone_else_get_excited_about_trying_a_new_lax/
---
Sometimes when I fall into a total despondent state with my diet (10+ days of over 2500 calories) I find the only way to snap back into it is to get something new like a new meal or a new type of lax /appetite suppressant.

Over the years I've slowly introduced and now take regularly senna, biscodyl, Andrews salts, lactulose, colax aloe vera, milk of magnesia, sodium docusate, psyllium husk, various types of suppositories, orlistat.

Now I'm trying califig sugar free syrup - never tried it before so here's hoping for some miracles. I'm looking forward to trying it and hope I can replace some of the other types of lax.

[Rant/Rave] Rant: having to eat lunch and not even understanding the concept anymore
/u/LemonsnRoses
Created: Sat Sep 1 09:23:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c3v22/rant_having_to_eat_lunch_and_not_even/
---
So all of last year and the year before I would skip lunch at school or eat like one granola bar. The people who I sat with would do the same or have like a sandwich. Normal, right? Wrong. This year I’m sitting with a ton of people who eat A TON of lunch. And this isn’t to shame anyone, obviously. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it, I just don’t get it. Their lunch boxes are marry poppins’s bag. Every time I’m like, “okay, so you’ve had chips, carrots, a granola bar, a sandwich, and an apple...you’re done ri-OH THERES A YOGURT!?” It makes it so much harder to restrict because it looks weird if I’m not eating too.

The following is my “not looking like I have an ed” experiment:

- Day one I brought like an apple and something else small but shared it with everyone, and that was normal for me before. But obviously it looked weird.

-Day two: So the next day I tried to do better and brought a small dish that I made for 185 calories, but looked substantial. It looked like stir fry to the untrained eye, but it was all cauliflower rice and low cal veggies in hot sauce and soy sauce. Normal, rIGHT?? Nope. Only brought one thing. Clearly not right yet.

-Day three: this baby rolls around the corner like a truck, okay? Wasn’t ready. Like an amateur, I brought only an energy drink because I binged the night before and didn’t allow myself the orange that I had packed. Major fail. Experiment normal is crumbling before my very eyes.

-Day four: upping the ante. Decided that if I brought some carrots, some salad, and some fruit I would pass. Normal, right?? Eating only veg and fruits and salad with no dressing?? Slightly less of a fail than the previous days. Most normal day yet, I hope. I mean, I did bring multiple items?? That has to count for something??

-Day five: gave up. Brought a protein shake. Binged on pizza and ice cream when I got home because I was stressed. Undid this whole week. Fasting over Labor Day weekend. Why is it so bad to be normal?

Just got an airfryer. What are some foods I can make tastier with this?
/u/DexterIbarbo
Created: Sat Sep 1 09:21:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c3ubd/just_got_an_airfryer_what_are_some_foods_i_can/
---


I've gained so much and I hate myself
/u/CaloriesInCaloriesIn [160cm| 61.8kg | 24 | -11kg | F]
Created: Sat Sep 1 09:20:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c3u30/ive_gained_so_much_and_i_hate_myself/
---
Do you ever wish you could go back in time just a few months? Back in February I was so close to my UGW. I was around 53kg I only needed to lose 3 more kilos! I decided to fast and low restrict to get there quicker, but then I fucked up so bad and binged from then until now. I kept trying to get back into restricting but I just kept on fucking up every day, hating myself more and more, avoiding the scales.

I finally weighed myself today I was expecting around 60kg and I'm so pissed for letting myself get to 62kg. That's nearly 10 kilos gained in 7 months. I'm so disgusted by myself. It makes me wanna low restrict and fast for months but I know that's what got me into this binge-restrict cycle in the first place. I'm gonna try losing weight more healthily, high restricting around 1200-1400 calories a day and exercising most days. I’ll only weigh myself a couple of times a week, otherwise I know I'll get impatient or depressed if my weight fluctuates too much. It'll be slow but I'll get there.

&#x200B;

[Discussion] Is it just me or is it easier to fast on your period?
/u/LemonsnRoses
Created: Sat Sep 1 09:08:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c3qq8/is_it_just_me_or_is_it_easier_to_fast_on_your/
---
I know that when you’re on your period, you’re supposed to get tons of cravings and stuff, but I kinda don’t? I binge a couple of times the week before, but during my period I almost always can fast for like 3-4 days. As someone who prefers to restrict, this isn’t exactly normal for me to be able to just pull a 4 day fast out of my ass. I was just wondering if anyone can relate or if there’s a reason.

I desperately need to eat but I can't physically leave my apartment.
/u/Melusedek [173 | CW: 52.5 | 17.54/17.34 | (U)GW: 52.3 (50) | 26F]
Created: Sat Sep 1 08:52:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c3mcz/i_desperately_need_to_eat_but_i_cant_physically/
---
I'm struggling so much right now. I got up to go to the bathroom and had to lay down first. My pulse is light and fluttery. I'm scared that if I try to walk down my five flights of stairs I'll pass out.

I think/hope it's just blood sugar. I tried to have a full calorie Coke earlier but I think it just delayed the inevitable crash. But I've never felt this utterly helpless and shitty before...

I'm so scared.

How many mg of caffeine do you usually consume in a day?
/u/cornpoppet [160cm | CW~116lbs | BMI 20 | -35lbs | 17F]
Created: Sat Sep 1 08:40:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c3j1n/how_many_mg_of_caffeine_do_you_usually_consume_in/
---
Like a lot of others on here, I rely on caffeine to get thru most days. I noticed that my tolerance has gone up a bit, but personally I dont want to up my intake by much.
I usually have something like 2 cups of black coffee a day, and sometimes a 100mg tabletbat a later point in the day. Also started drinking monster but im apprenhensive to drinking coffee until some hours after that.

[Rant/Rave] BY CHLOE nutritional information????
/u/crossdressingcarp
Created: Sat Sep 1 08:26:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c3fb0/by_chloe_nutritional_information/
---
i love by chloe with all my heart, but i hardly ever eat there because not knowing the calories turns me into an anxious mess. i haaaaate it when restaurant chains don’t provide nutritional information. 😩

Help I’m panicking
/u/UnlikelyTaste
Created: Sat Sep 1 08:25:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c3f3g/help_im_panicking/
---
I’ve been restricting the whole week, and now I have eaten around 2000 calories and I feel like shit. Will I gain a lot of weight? Please will someone reassure me that the world is not going to explode

[Goal] Let’s see how long I can fast
/u/7M7j7KGMM8uuwNnW
Created: Sat Sep 1 08:21:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c3e90/lets_see_how_long_i_can_fast/
---
I think I hit a wall with my weight loss, I’m down -14 lbs but my goal is -45 lbs.

I haven’t been fasting like I did in the beginning, plus I had way more calories than usual yesterday so my goal today is fasting 24 hours. I’m sitting at 16 hours right now and hanging in. Just now starting to be a struggle.

Water, tea, coffee. I’ve seen women on this sub do 72 hours so I know I can do 24.

I can do this. Stay strong, me.

ALL HAIL VODKA
/u/incognitomiscreant [5'6 | CW: 129 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Sat Sep 1 08:18:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c3dck/all_hail_vodka/
---
USUALLY I DRINK BEER AND GET FAT BUT TODAY I WOKE UP NOT FAT BECAUSE I GOT DRUNK ON VODKA bye <3

Curious as to most of your breakfasts
/u/PikachuQueen
Created: Sat Sep 1 08:12:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c3bwn/curious_as_to_most_of_your_breakfasts/
---
https://i.redd.it/muvipcimxmj11.jpg

[Goal] Is my goal too low?
/u/NoMoneyForDrugs
Created: Sat Sep 1 08:09:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c3b0d/is_my_goal_too_low/
---
Male 22 183cm 62.7kg. Do you think I can go to 58kg without negative side effects?

I really believe BMI doesn‘t apply in my case since I don‘t have a lot of muscle so I should be okay I think?

[Discussion] DAE have nightmares of eating?
/u/feellikegucci [5'2 | cw: 145 | 26.4 | gw: 88 | -13lbs | 18 F]
Created: Sat Sep 1 07:36:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c338j/dae_have_nightmares_of_eating/
---
Lately I've been having so many of those: I go to sleep on an empty stomach, usually when I did well and ate much less than my maximum intake, and it happens. I dream that I've woken up and decided to eat a lot, thus ruining my intake. I dream that I'm binging and purging in the middle of the night. I dream of someone force feeding me hundreds and thousands of calories.

And then I wake up terrified because for those moments, I actually think it was real and "damn this day was a failure I ate so much". Sometimes it's so convincing I go through the whole day doubting myself "but wait what if it wasn't a dream and I really did eat??". Thus a fast or a low restriction is triggered just to be sure.

I hate how illogical my ed makes me sometimes.

[Help] Best way to help my ED GF?
/u/fringing
Created: Sat Sep 1 07:05:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c2wdl/best_way_to_help_my_ed_gf/
---
My GF has been struggling with an ED for the better part of her life. I know she likes to binge and purge but she tries really hard not to cause she doesn’t want to do it anymore. She says that she just literally can’t help it and has to get it out cause it’s gonna come up either way. I go out and buy her whatever food she’s craving or wants and I hold her a lot afterwards while she tries to keep it down. I try really hard not to suggest any kind of foods or stress her out at all before we eat. I just recently started dieting again and restricting my calories (in an unhealthy way) I say it’s cause I’m sick (cause I am just got out of the ER today with pneumonia) I’m starting to think the jig is up though cause she’s starting to notice I don’t eat very much at all. She’s starting puking behind my back and I don’t know what to do. I used to be over a 40 BMI and refuse to go back but if it’s triggering her to not eat I really don’t know what I’m supposed to do :(

[Goal] When the numbers on the digital scale dip down, but then level out the to same dang number as yesterday
/u/BeginningBarnacle [5'4.5"|126lbs|21.3 BMI|10lbs:downvote:|F:redditgold:]
Created: Sat Sep 1 06:26:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c2odm/when_the_numbers_on_the_digital_scale_dip_down/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/Prematurecelebration/comments/9c080m/goddamn_i_said_wait_for_it/?st=JLJEFRJ2&sh=d9e9b9e1

[Discussion] Did anyone loss weight going off birth control?
/u/blesseday
Created: Sat Sep 1 06:23:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c2nrt/did_anyone_loss_weight_going_off_birth_control/
---
I’m getting my Mirena removed next week in an attempt to fix my hormonal acne, wondering if anyone has lost/gained weight after stopping birth control? I have been on some form of birth control for 10 years straight now and I’m wondering what life is like without it 😂

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! September 01, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Sep 1 06:12:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c2log/daily_food_diary_september_01_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for September 01, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)


[Sticky] 'Stupid Questions' Saturday! September 01, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Sat Sep 1 06:11:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c2lhn/stupid_questions_saturday_september_01_2018/
---
This is the weekly 'Stupid Questions' Saturday thread for September 01, 2018.

Use this thread as an opportunity to ask any questions you might have that you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post.

Please be wary of false advice and information. Be sure to research the facts before taking anyone's advice, no matter who they are. Remember that diagnosing members is unacceptable. **Anyone looking for medical guidance should seek the opinion of a medically licensed professional.**

*****

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)


Gotta eat "normal" this weekend.
/u/Hairless_Human [6' | CW 145 | BMI 18.87 | WL -135 |M 21]
Created: Sat Sep 1 05:50:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c2hkc/gotta_eat_normal_this_weekend/
---
Spending the weekend at my moms and she has no idea about my ED (I see her maybe 1 time a year). I have spent the last 2 months on just naked juice and physilum husk. Just had a sausage egg and biscuit mcmuffin and it was extremely hard to eat but I managed. Gonna try and not eat anything else today. Thankfully food doesnt tempt me to binge let alone feel hungry. Just eat and done. Another thing is I can't even weigh myself cause she don't have a scale. Hopefully I poop this sucker out quick.

[Rant/Rave] Good god, y'all. Knorr spring veg soup (72 calories)
/u/Judo_Noob_PTX [5'1" | CW: 126 | BMI: 23.8 | WL: 24 | F]
Created: Sat Sep 1 05:31:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c2e35/good_god_yall_knorr_spring_veg_soup_72_calories/
---
https://i.redd.it/me9v5adq4mj11.jpg

[Rant/Rave] Guys holy fuck I am a disaster, tifu
/u/alonlioak
Created: Sat Sep 1 04:34:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c24g0/guys_holy_fuck_i_am_a_disaster_tifu/
---
Oh my god I can’t believe this is happening.

I stopped going to piano lessons this year and my mum bought a pie for my piano teacher as a present without asking if I wanted to actually give her something bc my phone doesn’t accept her messages for some reason.

I sound like a child now, I’m 17.

SO I told her yday, no Mum I don’t want to give the teacher (I’ll call her A)a present tomorrow, I’m not that close with her. I felt like it would be awkward. I figure if I don’t want to do this, I don’t have to. I’m pretty much an adult, and that pie won’t get to her unless I bring it.

Cue half an hour to midnight last night and I’m already planning my September fasting, so naturally I wanted something to binge before midnight bc I have issues like that. There was nothing in the kitchen except this beautiful pecan pie. I see the pie and think yeah my family is going to end up eating this anyway. It’s happened before where my mum buys stuff for people and we somehow end up eating it, and she’s fine with that.

Now here’s the thing; I knew it would be obnoxious of me and I didn’t want the rest of my family to know before today when I presumed they would be cracking it open themselves. So I do it in secret. I carefully peel off the sellotape and open the box. I was lucky. It was a box I could open, and close without tearing anything. So I open it, flip it upside down, and start eating with a fork. Naturally, I take it quite far and binge on approx half of the inside of the pie.

I flip it around, and seal it up again with sellotape, return it to the bag, and cover it with the treats my mother also bought for A’s kids. I even got a bit of a high out of it, a well executed little crime. Now, when I say you wouldn’t be able to tell looking at this box, I mean it. You would only be able to tell by slicing open the thick pastry and finding...an enormous hole in the pie.

I wake up this morning and run downstairs to find...no bag with the goodies. I ring my mum, she’s at A’s workplace, about to give her the pie. I tell her no please don’t, that’s inappropriate, I’ll give it myself etc. before she hangs up the phone she says oh I see her now, I’m going over to give it to her, why are you so ungrateful and standoffish etc.

Holy shit. That poor woman is in for an interesting surprise there. My only consolation is that I never have to see her again. I could tell myself she might think it’s some kind of production error but in reality it looks like some kind of petty joke.

I know I’m a bratty, spoilt, raging bitch and I need to see this as a wake up call and stop being so incredibly selfish and gain a little bit of maturity and self control.
Aahhh when did I become this person. I should be using a throwaway but fuck it I’ll delete this in a while

[Rant/Rave] PFFFT WOW
/u/acrsita [Height 5'7| CW 47kg | BMI 16.5| Weight Lost ??| Gender ??]
Created: Sat Sep 1 04:26:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c231m/pffft_wow/
---
it’s 11:23am on the first day of no binge september.

but guess who’s already eaten around 4000 cals and is showing no signs of stopping!

i was finally happy today cause my leggings were super baggy on me, but here i am filling them up again. what a fucking miserable existence. if this doesn’t purge good i’m fucking ending it tonight.

[Goal] Hit my GW1 :o
/u/Linnaliis
Created: Sat Sep 1 03:58:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c1y6g/hit_my_gw1_o/
---
Like whoah. This happened two days ago already, but I didn't quite believe it then because I barely ate the day before so I put it on the "water weight account" when my scales showed 65,0 kilogrammes. The day after (yesterday) it was at 65,6 again, which is still less than I would have thought since I haven't even been on 65,X this year at all.

...And today I am back at 65,0 :ooo So surreal. Maybe this keto thing is actually working. I am having a lot of weird symptoms tho, and going to a party tonight, so probably won't stay here. Going to try to stay with vodka and diet coke for the drinking part, though.

Backhanded compliment ruined my day
/u/guesstimate217
Created: Sat Sep 1 03:02:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c1oz1/backhanded_compliment_ruined_my_day/
---
Yesterday someone said to me “you have lost so much weight, you look like everyone else now”.

Wow thanks. Good to know I was so repulsive before. Urgh.

[Discussion] Is anyone else a massive hypocrite?
/u/BroItsJesus [5'4 | CW ? | GW 100 | 18F]
Created: Sat Sep 1 03:01:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c1oud/is_anyone_else_a_massive_hypocrite/
---
I hate myself for being fat. I think I deserve less, deserve bad things etc. because of my weight

Other fat people? Don't care. You do you, that dress looks great, have that piece of cake, whatever

The self hate is too real

[Other] Wasn’t a ‘bad’ binge, but still...
/u/blood-n-caffiene
Created: Sat Sep 1 02:52:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c1nef/wasnt_a_bad_binge_but_still/
---
Celery, broccoli, vegan cheese, string cheese, sriracha and ranch. Ugh, still:/

[Discussion] what are your dumbest rules when it comes to food?
/u/twa1238
Created: Sat Sep 1 02:37:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c1l51/what_are_your_dumbest_rules_when_it_comes_to_food/
---
What rules do you follow that you know make no sense but you can’t shake them off?

I’ll start:
I have to force myself to ever eat anything over 350 calories at once. Omad is Hard for me because I can’t convince myself to eat one meal with around 500 calories. I’d rather eat something with 300 calories, wait a little, eat something like that again. Even though that’s often more calorie dense then just eating once a day.

I cannot drink my calories, which is why liquid diets and (veggie) juice fasts aren’t possible. I completely freak out when I don’t have to chew and my body still absorbs calories.


Curious to hear about your random rules!




Drunken purge
/u/iron_blanket
Created: Sat Sep 1 02:24:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c1j25/drunken_purge/
---
I told myself I wasn't going to do it , but I got drunk last night and took the opportunity of feeling queezy to have a full on purge session. I hate myself.

But at the same time it feels so good to do it again. I feel like I want to fully dive in. Indulge in it. There is something addictive about the exhausted empty feeling.

[Discussion] DAE panic when food plans change?
/u/rikococoriko
Created: Sat Sep 1 01:54:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c1e3o/dae_panic_when_food_plans_change/
---
So I’ve been solidly eating well under my caloric deficit for a few weeks without any slip ups, binges, and have been exercising regularly. Well, today went pretty much the same plus I burned over 1000 calories jumping rope, walking, and doing body work outs. By early evening I’d usually have a few snacks and then make a small ~400-500 cal dinner. However, mid-day my friends popped in to hang out and all of that went out of the window as we were talking for a while and I forgot to curb my appetite so by nighttime I’m STARVING and they suggest ordering Chinese take away. At this point I’m screaming internally but I won’t let them know that bc they’re very body-positive and aware that I’ve struggled with disordered eating in the past, so would be suspicious of me suddenly eating dramatically less or not ordering anything. So I pick something that seemed healthy (but not like too healthy? lmfao)

We ate. They left. The meal was estimated about 1100 calories. Now I’m like tossing and turning thinking that i binged even tho like *technically* still under my calorie goal for the day.

So, my question is: does any one else panic when plans related to food change suddenly? And like, what do you do to cope with those feelings? Like, it’s not normal for me to have an internal melt down over an otherwise positive experience with people I love lol

This sums up my life pretty well
/u/sadgab_ [5'8.5 | CW:120| GW: 114 | 19]
Created: Sat Sep 1 01:49:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c1da3/this_sums_up_my_life_pretty_well/
---
https://i.redd.it/ve4vq6h81lj11.jpg

[Discussion] Sorry if this is controversial but does anyone else starve for love?
/u/eighttorches [5'2 | 15 from goal | F]
Created: Sat Sep 1 01:24:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c199i/sorry_if_this_is_controversial_but_does_anyone/
---
My mind tells me that if i eat ill be unattractive and if im unattractive the few people i have left wont love me or care for me and thats all i want. I tell myself every bite i take i love my boyfriend a little less. I hate thinking this way so much but im going to admit it. I starve so i will be more attractive so i can be loved. Eds are so sick.

[Goal] same weight as I was when I began recovering!
/u/pringlesbutthole [6’0|CW:117.5|BMI:15.9(!!!)|20]
Created: Sat Sep 1 00:05:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c0vdu/same_weight_as_i_was_when_i_began_recovering/
---
kinda sorta lol. I was 117.5 when I realized, oh fuck I should get better. I stopped purging but kept restricting and went down to 112.9 (I fucking wish). Then I went up to 125 real quick. But now I’m back at 117.5! The lowest I’ve been in the past 6 months was 116.2, but usually around then I end up fucking up and go back up to 120 (which is usually what I maintain) bc I’m like, fuck it I’m hungry and want chinese food.

But I’m not giving in this time. I’m trying out 20/4 IT, which isn’t that hard bc all I have to do is cut out 1 mid-day granola bar and stop drinking high cal energy drinks and sodas. I have been eating a lot of mints and chewing gum tho which I know isn’t technically IF but it comes out to around only 25-35 calories, which isn’t a biggie to me. I haven’t eaten in about 22 hours now, might just say fuck it and go on for a 36-48 hr liquid fast.

idk! I’m pretty excited rn. I know I shouldn’t be bc I was kind of trying to recover lol and I know this isn’t healthy. But maaaan if I don’t want to reach my UGW. 5 pounds to go!!!

Mother-in-law’s birthday tomorrow. Ugh.
/u/Flesh-And-Bone [Too Short | Too Fat | Too Old | Duderino]
Created: Fri Aug 31 23:45:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c0rqd/motherinlaws_birthday_tomorrow_ugh/
---
I don’t want to eat cake and ice cream tomorrow, but it will be weird if I don’t. Then my parents are celebrating Labor Day with pizza and diabetes-inducing treats.

Why. Why the hell couldn’t I be a normal person who didn’t give a shit about the food I eat.

[Rant/Rave] why the fuck am i so triggered rn
/u/lowkeydeadinside [5'6" | cw: 148 | lw: 102 | ugw: 98 | 18F | 🍑: starvingprincess]
Created: Fri Aug 31 23:30:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c0p5e/why_the_fuck_am_i_so_triggered_rn/
---
i posted in a selfie thread in r/teenagers (used a throwaway bc i don’t want my little brother to find my real account) and it was one i felt really, really good about. then literally no one paid any attention to it. and this sounds really shallow and mean, but people i think i’m much more attractive than (i’m really sort of vain tbh) got lots of attention. i guess it turns out i’m much uglier than i think i am. it’s because i’m fat as fuck tho tbh. so i guess it’s a good thing that the dining hall at my university is closed on saturdays bc i can’t eat tomorrow then. i hate that this is so triggering, but honestly i really live for attention and it kind of sickens me how validated i get just by one person calling me pretty. but i have literally no reason to be vain. i’m fat and ugly and i shouldn’t expect people to pay attention to me until i’m skinny again.

What do you do after purging
/u/guava_pastille [5'8" | CW 157 | GW 120 | BMI 24 | Lost 47.2 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Aug 31 23:16:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c0mg3/what_do_you_do_after_purging/
---
I’ve heard that it’s not good to brush your teeth immediately. What can I do to protect my teeth from damage? Any other tips after a purge? I normally rinse with and drink water or electrolyte... anything else?

Hell yeah Friday night 🎉 😑 Hate my life rn

[Other] How many calories do you think this has in it? I’m think no more then 250 but also my mind like no it more and I can’t decide how much it is
/u/inxthewolf1
Created: Fri Aug 31 22:38:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c0f0w/how_many_calories_do_you_think_this_has_in_it_im/
---
https://i.redd.it/4uatkm763kj11.jpg

[Goal] Binge Free September
/u/thingsarestranger
Created: Fri Aug 31 22:36:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c0egy/binge_free_september/
---
Anyone care to join me? (Hope a post like this hasn’t already been made) I plan on losing 10-15 pounds this month and restricting low all month no slip-ups. No excuses. I will reach my goals. Tired of being controlled by food like a fat animal

Does anyone else have anxiety with eating out, etc. ?
/u/chrysanthemym [she/her // queer // fuckin' pear shaped]
Created: Fri Aug 31 22:15:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c0a6a/does_anyone_else_have_anxiety_with_eating_out_etc/
---
Does anyone else have a difficult time with weekends, holidays, family get togethers, your friends/family/partner asking you out to dinner and so forth?

Does anyone else have anxiety over that? Because jesuschrist, I do.

I can’t stand not being able to count my calories and have some kind of accuracy about my food when we’re eating out almost every night or eating at home and them cooking for me, etc.

I just can’t.

I hate knowing that when these days come, I know my getting closer to my goal weight gets pushed back because I always eat too much.

Just let me lose this goddamn weight and get to my goal weight and maybe we’ll talk about eating out or me eating your cookies.

But for now, please just let me do me. Please. (Even though I know that won’t/can’t happen and I just have to deal with it.)

[Rant/Rave] Im so gddmn lonely
/u/redhotjillypepper
Created: Fri Aug 31 22:09:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c08x8/im_so_gddmn_lonely/
---
Its my first weekend of my junior year of college and I mve been relapsing for over a year now. Ive had a fixation on being thin so I could go out to parties with my flat stomach and my tight outfit. I never got invited to parties in high school because everyone thought I was “weird” and probably also because I wasn’t particularly boner-inducing.
Anyways now im here and all of my friends from the past two years are gone. All moved away. Im thin and I feel beautiful but I have nowhere to go, nothing to do, and no one to be with. Even my roommate is out of town. I tried going to the school sponsored dance party to make friends but I lost my ID on the way and couldn’t get in. Thank god im 21 and can drink the sadness away but I just want to go out and be drunk and beautiful with people who know and love me but no one knows me and im lost and alone. All I have is my ED and at least that can never just move away and leave me.


[Rant/Rave] My mother is starting to notice
/u/vandxm
Created: Fri Aug 31 21:47:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c044b/my_mother_is_starting_to_notice/
---
I've been eating very little amount of calories in the past 2 months and I've lost around 7 kilos. My mom told me today that I'm starting to look sick (I'm 168cm and weight 53kg). I'm not even close to my goal weight yet and she is already complaining and I don't know what to do because if I keep losing weight she is probably going to make me get help or something and I really don't want to. Any advice on what to say to her? :(

Eating in 10-hour window can override disease-causing genetic defects, nurture health - Salk scientists discover that periods of fasting can protect against obesity and diabetes, in a new study in mice published in Cell Metabolism.
/u/DiscombobulatedAnus
Created: Fri Aug 31 21:46:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c03wz/eating_in_10hour_window_can_override/
---
https://www.salk.edu/news-release/eating-in-10-hour-window-can-override-disease-causing-genetic-defects-nurture-health/

[Discussion] Where do you first lose weight/what is the hardest place for you to lose weight?
/u/ihate-chicken
Created: Fri Aug 31 21:36:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9c01qb/where_do_you_first_lose_weightwhat_is_the_hardest/
---
I feel like this differs for everyone and it’s so weird/interesting to me

For me I first lose weight around my chest and boobs (no boobs! Wooohooo...)

Last place would probably be legs which is frustrating

[Discussion] Is anyone else scared of recovery or even just gaining...Incase others they know start to diet and lose? My biggest fear that I can’t shake.
/u/indentionsofme [Height 5"10 | CW 100| HW 142| GW 95 l BMI 14.3]
Created: Fri Aug 31 21:20:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bzybp/is_anyone_else_scared_of_recovery_or_even_just/
---
Sometimes I truly think “fuck it, is this really my life, I need to get it together.” This will last for 2 days lolol. As a logical adult I know my ED is wrong and really bad. My anemia is out of control as of my blood work results today......fuck it’s not good. But as myself my ED is this bittersweet sense of self. My main fear of ever recovering is seeing people so tiny, as tiny as I could have been and not feeling beautiful. Also I’m scared of others.... friends, family, coworkers losing weight...it’s like I always want to be good at it and this petrifies me. Also if someone else I know develops an ED I will feel 1. Completely devastated....and 2. I feel that is my thing and how can I cope. Random, idk...I feel really bad and this thought has been on my mind so much. It’s my roadblock, my wall, to never get better.

[Rant/Rave] Just paranoid talking
/u/Scarab-Beetle
Created: Fri Aug 31 21:03:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bzugn/just_paranoid_talking/
---
I eat 1,200 calories because I can’t be as disordered in my eating at home. At college I eat much less.

Now I’ve been at this 1,200 for awhile and despite it being below my BMR i feel like I’m gaining weight and it doesn’t really make sense.

1,200 is the bare minimum, why would I be gaining weight. I just hate struggling with this shit.

just found out my scale is wrong!
/u/hhhhh4
Created: Fri Aug 31 20:49:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bzrj9/just_found_out_my_scale_is_wrong/
---
it’s been showing my weight as about 10 pounds less than i actually weigh. i’m devastated. guess i need to work harder at losing weight now. i thought i was finally getting skinny.

[Other] making the most out of my long fast
/u/xlaaane
Created: Fri Aug 31 20:36:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bzon2/making_the_most_out_of_my_long_fast/
---
because of circumstances that are too complicated to get in to, i can’t grocery shop until the 12th so i decided it would just be easiest to fast until then. today i had my best friend over and we just smoked tons of weed. of course, she got super hungry then she suggested we take a pic of her stomach before and after munching on a ton of the goods. of course i was on board. extremely on board. i smoked some cigs to tame my appetite and enjoyed watching her inhale some funyuns, chick fil a, and s’mores which we made with a lighter. she bloated up like a balloon and passed out half an hour after. we were both super content. it was awesome.

[Other] Started an exercise plan as a way to get the most out of the last few months of 2018
/u/BlurJAMD [5'4" | CW: 140lbs | GW: 110lbs | NB]
Created: Fri Aug 31 20:26:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bzmje/started_an_exercise_plan_as_a_way_to_get_the_most/
---
It's one of those cheesy '30 day plan' apps cus I'm too stupid to come up with my own :') HERE'S HOPING IT WORKS

This in combination with restricting more, I should hopefully start losing again!!

[Rant/Rave] Told my parents and it did not go well.
/u/angryandawkward
Created: Fri Aug 31 20:02:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bzhbc/told_my_parents_and_it_did_not_go_well/
---
Hi guys, this is my first time posting after months of lurking here.
So last week I decided to consult a psychiatrist, who suggested therapy. Since I live with my parents, I decided to tell them about my ed, thinking that they could maybe help with recovery. Big mistake. They were not supportive at all.

When I told them, my mom started asking herself "why she had so many problems and what did she do to deserve this", they were not taking me seriously and were laughing, telling me to just eat less/more. Then they told me that the psychiatrist was just trying to get my money and that therapy was too expensive. Oh, and when I was explaining my symptoms and said that since I couldn't make myself vomit, I c/s instead, my dad just told me to stick a finger in my throat. Great.

Anyway, I feel so defeated right now. It's been a few days and I've been so depressed. We haven't talked about it again (not like I want to). I know they reacted like that because they don't understand what an eating disorder is, but it still hurts. This totally killed my will to recover. I will not call the psychiatrist to start therapy, I feel so ashamed. I know my parents don't think it's a big deal since I'm at a ""normal bmi"", but they don't know how distressed I am because of my disorder. Even though I'll pay for treatment (the majority of which will be reimbursed), I feel like, for them, I'm not even worth the effort nor the money.

Sorry for the long rant haha

[Rant/Rave] I just found out that I’m actually three inches shorter than I thought I was
/u/jewishtemptress
Created: Fri Aug 31 19:31:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bzal2/i_just_found_out_that_im_actually_three_inches/
---
Holy fuck, I’m a dumbass. I thought I was 5’8” for the longest time thanks to the added height on my sneakers. I recently got a tape measure and decided to measure my height again — turns out that I’m actually 5’5” even. My UGW was 115, but now 115 is still considered “healthy” for my new height. The only upside is that I can go even lower in terms of weight.

Students of proED, what do you study? Has the particular environment or program affected your mental health?
/u/daeboo [5ft1🌸96lbs🌸19F🌸]
Created: Fri Aug 31 19:24:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bz8xd/students_of_proed_what_do_you_study_has_the/
---
I saw the earlier thread on what the redditors around these parts do for a living and got curious about those of us who are in school.

what am i not getting when it comes to the obsession with popcorn on here?
/u/Paisleybabe
Created: Fri Aug 31 19:18:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bz7nu/what_am_i_not_getting_when_it_comes_to_the/
---
I checked out pretty much all the boxes at my local grocer and for one bag its like at least >460 calories even the light ones. And tbh if I'm eating popcorn I don't want them to be naked, I want there to be at least some butter. I ended up getting regular butter by this organic brand because ya'll made me crave it. But like I wasn't expecting them to be so high in calorie. Do you guys eat them as a meal or like what am I not getting?

on fasting days all I can seem to do is doodle & paint food *sigh* enjoy my zero calorie bento box! 🙃
/u/chubbyshrimpo
Created: Fri Aug 31 19:06:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bz4r6/on_fasting_days_all_i_can_seem_to_do_is_doodle/
---
https://i.redd.it/lmioy3f81jj11.jpg

Sister who I confided in about my ED told family members...and now I am incredibly hurt and feel betrayed. Trust feels broken, advice?
/u/hardlyyjewish
Created: Fri Aug 31 18:59:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bz385/sister_who_i_confided_in_about_my_ed_told_family/
---
Not sure exactly if this is the right sub for this. BUT.

Title pretty much says the main gist of it. But I had struggled (still sometimes do) with bulimia and restriction for years. I decided to get healthy, eat right, work out, and started the path towards recovery. It is still very difficult some days but I have overcome those patterns for the most part.

I had confided in my sister about it when it was at it’s worse over a year ago. And I had a sneaking suspicion she told our father but I wasn’t sure.

Not until a few weeks ago when my dad hinted it and when I told him to just say what she said, what he was hinting at but he refused and changed the subject.

There’s been a few situations like this in the past and I don’t know...I feel beyond betrayed. This is something I don’t tell a lot of people because it’s so embarrassing. And if I wanted someone to know I would tell them.

Am I wrong for being so hurt and upset?
I appreciate the advice /u/

Sister who I confused in a year ago about my struggles with Mia, told others in our family
/u/hardlyyjewish
Created: Fri Aug 31 18:44:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9byzox/sister_who_i_confused_in_a_year_ago_about_my/
---
Not sure exactly if this is the right sub for this. BUT.

Title pretty much says the main gist of it. But I had struggled (still sometimes do) with bulimia and restriction for years. I decided to get healthy, eat right, work out, and started the path towards recovery. It is still very difficult some days but I have overcome those patterns for the most part.

I had confided in my sister about it when it was at it’s worse over a year ago. And I had a sneaking suspicion she told our father but I wasn’t sure.

Not until a few weeks ago when my dad hinted it and when I told him to just say what she said, what he was hinting at he refused and changed the subject. Or simply says “well we know what I’m talking about” (which is another situation entirely that he won’t just say it/talk about it)

There’s been a few situations like this in the past and I don’t know...I feel beyond betrayed. This is something I don’t tell a lot of people because it’s so embarrassing. And if I wanted someone to know I would tell them.

Am I wrong for being so hurt and upset?
I appreciate the advice

[Rant/Rave] so... i’m big boned?
/u/planetskinny
Created: Fri Aug 31 18:33:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9byx80/so_im_big_boned/
---
so apparently i’m “big boned” and i feel like my mom is onto me. i let it slip that i don’t get hungry because she put in a MONTH’S worth of lunch money into my school account. i wanted her to give me cash so i could keep it. fucked up, right? anyway, i lowkey hate myself because i can’t change being big boned.

so my ugw is 115 lbs; keep this in mind. my mom asked me two thing while having a conversation with her: “are you restricting what you eat?” and “what’s your goal weight?” i said, “no, i’m not restricting what i eat. i’m just seeing what goes into my body.” and “my goal weight is 130 lbs.” (both were lies, of course.)

she said when she was in high school her lowest weight was 140 lbs and she wished she was that now. she told me the average american woman wears a size 14. i wear a size 9 pants/large or medium in tees and she thinks i’m 177 lbs when in reality i’m 168.2 lbs. (i weighed myself yesterday.)

she told me that an ideal weight for me would be 140 lbs or a little bit more. i’m 168.2 lbs right now. it’s a normal bmi but i really want to be 115 lbs. she said i’d look like a cancer survivor who just got out of chemo if i was 130 lbs! are you kidding?

what do i do? i’m having a crisis because i seriously want to be 115 lbs. it’s a 20.4 bmi. should i lose weight until i like how my body looks? or should i try to recover again? (although i’ll probably relapse like i am now...)

I always come back to my ED
/u/ghostsportclub
Created: Fri Aug 31 18:21:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9byu9r/i_always_come_back_to_my_ed/
---
Lmao my title makes it seem like it ever leaves me. It doesn’t.

The past two weeks have been a rollercoaster of emotions to say the least. Firstly my bf came home from a summer of long distance. Then exam results came out - I didn’t get what I expected and didn’t get into the university I really wanted. (Queue depression) Then I got a grade remarked and it went up! I did get into the university I really wanted! Then with his results my bf decided to go to a different country for uni (still U.K. where I live). He’s literally just left and I feel heartbroken.

So yah. That’s a hell of a lot of emotions and during this time I had more on my plate to worry about than food (pardon the pun). I’ve been on the cusp of eating normally/binging for two weeks and I feel ugly and disgusting - but I just can’t stop. Gonna allow myself a few more days of eating and then I’m back on my restriction shit. This bitch isn’t gonna be fat in uni. The last time I weighed myself I was EUPHORIC bc I had restricted back to 111. Probably closer to 120 rn 🙃 Lol kill me but I’m still gonna eat far too much ramen tomorrow

gross
/u/httpram
Created: Fri Aug 31 18:07:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9byqvn/gross/
---
I hate myself.

i’m 15 and my head is 10 times smaller than my body, i cut my hair way too short, i’m stupid and short and fat and all i want is to just lose weight and it isnt happening. I dont exercise and i eat around 1k cal a day on average and some days i only eat 800 and nothing is happening. I just want to be skinny and pretty like every other girl in my class but i can’t it’s like i don’t deserve it my proportions are so disgusting and i look so stupid with all the extra weight on my arms and my stomach and my hips and my legs and i just never want to touch food again but i cant stop eating

[Help] embarrassing request for validation
/u/lucaaa7 [5’8 | 128lb | 19.3 | -57lb | Female]
Created: Fri Aug 31 17:38:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9byjtv/embarrassing_request_for_validation/
---
my measurements are 84, 68, 88cm and i’m 173cm (33, 26, 34in and 5’8)

at this point i have no idea what’s normal or not... i know i’m flat chested but like am i still pretty average?? is this small?? i feel like i still look really big but i know that’s probably just BDD

can someone who like has some sense let me know if i’m big or small or what

[Other] It’s that time of the month and I’m currently stuffing my face with cucumber slices tin prevent a binge and it feels great let me tell you! Also I had to update my flair to a higher weight/BMI and strangely I don’t care as much as I thought I would.
/u/madeinny88 [5'8" | 125 | 19.0 | 30/F ]
Created: Fri Aug 31 17:22:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9byg3y/its_that_time_of_the_month_and_im_currently/
---
It is so hard to not overeat this time of month...
So I’m just going to eat watermelon and cucumbers until there is no room in my stomach for anything else!



[Tip] Hot outside but you don't want to wear shorts?
/u/celinat0r [5'3 | CW: 107lb | GW: 99.9lb | 18F]
Created: Fri Aug 31 17:15:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9byegl/hot_outside_but_you_dont_want_to_wear_shorts/
---
Stop eating and you'll feel cold even in 85 degree weather :):

Help with supporting GF
/u/aidantheman18
Created: Fri Aug 31 16:38:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9by4kw/help_with_supporting_gf/
---
GF is ednos. She struggles with binging and hating herself, and has been down the bulimia / exercise bulimia / Ana / etc. road for many years before we were together. In actuality she is a sexy beautiful goddess and I love her. I tell her that as often as I can, try to offer what supporting words I think of, and try to avoid saying anything she could misconstrue or could trigger the mental illness. For the most part I think she is doing great, she has told me she is miles healthier being with me. But she still has really bad body days where she just hates how she looks, and I've found that these days are very precarious in terms of what I say to her; one accidentally triggering thing can send her further into the spiral. I'm still not really sure what I should / shouldn't say on these days despite my hours of researching EDs. So I'm here to ask y'all some questions. Also please comment if my usual responses are not good.

* What are some topics / things that I should avoid saying or bringing up at all costs? What do I say if that topic comes up from an outside source?

* How do I respond when she lets slip an unhealthy ED thought? E.g. she says something like "I ate so much last night and now I want to die / look bloated / etc". What's the best response that enforces healthy thoughts but doesn't seem pushy or unrealistic?

* She tells me how she's going to get thinner to look better for me. I respond that that doesn't matter, she's sexy and beautiful how she is and besides I love her for who she is not what she looks like. She'll usually take the compliments, but if it's a bad day she might say "well I would look better if I were skinnier and you can't dispute that" or something along those lines. What is best response? Disputing that seems like a cop out and does not work usually.

* What can I say when she compares herself to other girls? Doesnt happen often, but it has happened where she might see a really skinny girl and comment on how much better she'd look if she had her body or something. This one is a real minefield in terms of my response, again I usually say the "I love you not her, I love you for who you are, you're beautiful how you are, arbitrary standards of beauty etc." But in this scenario it often seems like anything I say makes it worse, and not responding at all is NOT A GOOD IDEA

* What can I do if she is actively binging? Usually I just eat with her and/or try to draw attention away from body stuff / sex / food, and pretend like I don't notice. Any better techniques to promote healthier eating, or help her not binge or not hate herself for binging? Cause usually binging just makes her hate herself a ton and I want to help mitigate that. I know I should never point it out, right?

* Related to this she sometimes tells me to remind her to not eat if she wants to, like before we smoke or something. I usually don't because she should be able to eat whenever she wants to and not be held captive by her negative thoughts. However if I don't she'll hate herself for binging, but if I do I'm actively telling her not to eat which is bad. ????

* Conversely, what to do if she is actively fasting? Much harder to recognize than binging obviously, but if I notice she hasn't eaten an entire day or two that makes me worry. Should I tell her to eat? That can be slippery but I feel it's the right thing to do.

* What do I say when she says she's lost weight? I don't want to reinforce thoughts like skinnier = better because that can make it worse... But complimenting is good?? Help???

In case this paints her in a negative light I want to emphasize these kinds of things only happen on bad days which aren't very often, for the most part our relationship is super healthy and happy and we both love each other very much. We're just moving in together soon and I want to be prepared to help her love herself. Thanks.

[Help] I'm so scared right now. Please help me. Can't stop dissociating.
/u/MissNietzsche
Created: Fri Aug 31 16:33:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9by3gy/im_so_scared_right_now_please_help_me_cant_stop/
---
For a full month I was doing very well and was almost completely recovered. Then, all of a sudden, the past two weeks, I started bingeing insane amounts every single day, with extreme negative thoughts to accompany them afterwards.

Last night, I binged, and for the first time in a long time, I was happy. I finally thought I hit the end of my binge cycle.

Today, I woke up, took my normal EC stack, started dissociating a bit, so I binged on like 800 Cals, and now I'm dissociating like crazy. I feel high. My entire body and mind are floaty. I can't think straight. I'm usually able to force myself to pull myself together, but no matter how hard I try, I can't pull myself back to earth.

Please help me. I'm really scared. It's never been this bad in my life. I genuinely feel like I had some weed (haven't had it in over a year). I don't know what to do. Help.

[Other] Last minute dinner with the family.
/u/ohdarlingyourefucked
Created: Fri Aug 31 16:30:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9by2ln/last_minute_dinner_with_the_family/
---
Ugh, I was doing SO good today. Then we got invited out to eat. Without thinking I said yes. I’m at about 500 cals so far today..so I’m thinking maybe I will just get a salad. The old me would get boneless wings or something unhealthy but there’s not nutritional information on this menu and I feel like salad is the healthiest option. 😣

Biggest mood
/u/prettypleaser
Created: Fri Aug 31 16:05:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bxvwi/biggest_mood/
---
https://i.redd.it/fqkmtjbm2hj11.jpg

[Rant/Rave] Why do people get mad at me for throwing up??
/u/remiisme
Created: Fri Aug 31 16:02:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bxv0o/why_do_people_get_mad_at_me_for_throwing_up/
---
Today is my boyfriends first day back home from a long work trip away, so I tried to be normal and happy and we went out to visit his family who live about an hour away, and I tried to eat like normal and not think about it, but on the drive home I got panicky and when we got home I had to throw everything up, and now he’s not talking to me.

What do you want from me?? Like yeah, seriously, I know, I hate it too! It’s not my fault!!

😢

[Discussion] What do y'all do for a living?
/u/sorryqueen [5'2" | 105lbs | 19.11 | 30lbs | 23F]
Created: Fri Aug 31 15:42:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bxplz/what_do_yall_do_for_a_living/
---
Just a curiosity question, but what do y'all do for a living? I'm a high school teacher, which makes it so hard for me to fast. I have to at least eat lunch or breakfast so I can focus on teaching and so my students don't hear my stomach growling. But I'm on my feet pretty much all day, running around, and I truly love my job and my students so there are positives and negatives!

I'm also in grad school, but that's a different beast LOL.

Refocusing after slipping for a bit:)
/u/amooni95
Created: Fri Aug 31 15:37:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bxo92/refocusing_after_slipping_for_a_bit/
---
https://i.redd.it/fi88aup30ij11.jpg

paranoid about college dining hall workers...
/u/fxuk
Created: Fri Aug 31 15:34:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bxng6/paranoid_about_college_dining_hall_workers/
---
Ok so i’m a frosh at a small college that uses ala carte dining style, so you get what you want and then you pay based on that, and like if its like an assortment you sometimes have you specify at the cash register (like what type of soup is in the container, vegan vs veg vs meat or something , etc). And i’m becoming paranoid because there are only like 3 or so rotating workers and I swear they recognize me already, probably know me as the girl who only buys low cal ice cream, kombucha, diet soda, prepackaged frozen burritos, fruit, etc. And so now i’m starting to buy food from the hot meal section just cuz and not actually eating it...ugh. anyone else have this issue?

I'm happy to have refocused :) I was slipping for a bit there
/u/amooni95
Created: Fri Aug 31 15:34:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bxndy/im_happy_to_have_refocused_i_was_slipping_for_a/
---
https://i.redd.it/uvc1b7ejzhj11.jpg

Kelp noodles?
/u/throwawaysilentcurt [5'5" | CW:127 | GW:115 | lost -72 | 20M]
Created: Fri Aug 31 15:28:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bxlhl/kelp_noodles/
---
I just bought some kelp noodles from Whole Foods because I am craving pasta but I'm afraid of pasta. Kelp noodles are somehow only 6 calories a serving??

&#x200B;

Have any of you had these? Are they good? Any good recipes?

how does alcohol affect your appetite?
/u/relativeletter6 [161cm | 54.4kg | gw 50kg]
Created: Fri Aug 31 15:04:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bxevx/how_does_alcohol_affect_your_appetite/
---
for me, when i’m drunk, i don’t think about food at all. i might be like “i want some mcdonalds” or some shit, but if actually presented with food i don’t have any interest in it

while tipsy i’m the same as i always am, maybe slightly more prone to binging. but drunk? yeah, fuck food when i’m drunk. i love being drunk because of this.

i also don’t get hungover so it’s really just a win-win, tho i am more prone to binging the day after being drunk (usually just cuz i tend to eat less on days i drink tho, so it’s a result of restriction not alcohol)

Surprise on the scale
/u/FreeHugsFromSenpai
Created: Fri Aug 31 14:55:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bxc42/surprise_on_the_scale/
---
Zipped into my local Sam's club today, and against my better judgement decided to hop onto the bench for the little health kiosk to check my weight. (I don't currently have a scale at home, because if I weighed myself everyday I'd probably never eat at all)


I was expecting something around 110+, due to my wish washy restricting. Well to my delight, I'm actually at 104!! I didn't believe it so I retested a few more times, sitting in different positions on the bench.


It may seem like a small milestone for some, but just knowing I'm below 110 is a big motivator that I'm moving towards my goals.

I’ve binged for 3 days in a row
/u/shonamairead [5'6 | CW 140lbs | GW1 - 120 | -20lbs | F]
Created: Fri Aug 31 14:50:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bxane/ive_binged_for_3_days_in_a_row/
---
And now I want to die. That’s all

[Rant/Rave] OMAD is my only hope
/u/_Pulltab_ [5' 7| CW 165.4 | BMI 25.9 | -30.6 | F]
Created: Fri Aug 31 14:40:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bx7u1/omad_is_my_only_hope/
---
I have been doing IF/OMAD for a little over three months now which simultaneously allows me to restrict heavily and maintain ketosis. But I’ve noticed that over the past month or so, if for any reason I have to eat earlier in the day (meetings, plans with family/friends) that I am also guaranteed to binge. Today I had a protein bar because I was getting a tattoo and when I got home I just stood in the kitchen eating one thing after another. It’s like once the seal is popped, I’m fucked. And I’m so close to my next goal weight.
Fuck.

[Rant/Rave] Shortbread
/u/pelq [14 | Healthy | Almost recovered]
Created: Fri Aug 31 14:39:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bx7kq/shortbread/
---
So, yesterday I baked some shortbread, and it turned out amazing, but thats not the best part.

I ate what I made. I ate some of the batter while cooking, I didn't even think about calories while doing it. After it had baked I ate 3 more of my biscuits, on top of my daily allowance without thinking twice.

I wouldnt have been able to do this a year ago, everything just feels so much better. I realise this sub isnt really for me anymore, but at my worst you guys supported me (on a different account) and I've gotten so far.

I hardly think about food, nor stress about how much I'm eating anymore. I haven't looked at my weight in around 6 months, I havent counted my calories in 11, and I havent hated my body for 3 weeks.

I feel amazing, it's surreal.

Jeffree Star's fast metabolism?
/u/sugafreedreams [17 / M / 181cm 🏳️‍🌈 HW: 89 / CW: 56 🏳️‍🌈 BMI 27.2 → 17.1]
Created: Fri Aug 31 14:12:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bwzle/jeffree_stars_fast_metabolism/
---
I should start this post off by saying that I'm not accusing Jeffree of anything, he's denied having any sort of eating disorder, and I completely trust him with that. I just happen to also have an eagle eye for anything eating-related even with normal people, and a couple of things about his eating habits have struck out as interesting to me.

The first thing that sparked my interest was Shane's 5-part series documenting Jeffree's real daily life. In the first episode during the house tour Jeffree's fridge is opened on camera, showing that it contains nothing but approximately 10 thousand calories of ice-cream in it. Shane (who has struggled with bulimia for years) gives Jeffree a long suspicious stare after seeing all the ice-cream, after which Jeffree assures to him that he doesn't have an ED and just has a fast metabolism and can never gain weight:

[https://youtu.be/xUf2-sjGqQw?t=965](https://youtu.be/xUf2-sjGqQw?t=965)

Jeffree had extremely damaged and worn out teeth in his early 20's before getting crowns on all of them, and back in the MySpace era has had multiple photoshoots depicting sticking fingers down the throat and throwing up food:

[https://ugc.reveliststatic.com/gen/constrain/640/640/80/2017/02/22/15/c8/pr/phqqvh3qgo2qbwe.jpg](https://ugc.reveliststatic.com/gen/constrain/640/640/80/2017/02/22/15/c8/pr/phqqvh3qgo2qbwe.jpg)

[https://i.pinimg.com/originals/ea/a7/b8/eaa7b8e176f4d6fad6c5620d1e8cbe37.jpg](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/ea/a7/b8/eaa7b8e176f4d6fad6c5620d1e8cbe37.jpg)

Then, despite having +10k calories of ice-cream in his fridge (half of which is pure sugar), he takes the top bun off a 300-calorie cheeseburger because he "doesn't need the unnecessary carbs that it has":

[https://youtu.be/7O93LsGyYRw?t=1021](https://youtu.be/7O93LsGyYRw?t=1021)

In his latest video about an esophagus-dilating procedure he mentions that he has no gag reflex, can't make himself throw up, and actually sticks a finger down his throat on camera to prove it (although I doubt anyone would gag from what he does here with one finger without movement, finger-fucking the throat on camera just wouldn't be appropriate):

[https://youtu.be/H6cFpbn0DNI?t=140](https://youtu.be/H6cFpbn0DNI?t=140)

After waking up from the esophagus-dilating procedure and still being groggy from the anesthetic used, he immediately starts talking about food and mentions how his boyfriend's ass wouldn't have a lot of calories in it. I find it interesting that someone who doesn't have to care about what or how much they eat would even think of calories in a context like that:

[https://youtu.be/H6cFpbn0DNI?t=1165](https://youtu.be/H6cFpbn0DNI?t=1165)

It's also worth noting that in Shane's first episode Jeffree mentioned that we were going to see him eat a lot of food during the series, but we ended up seeing him eat one Oreo cookie and a small 7-eleven slurpee. Maybe he just doesn't realize that he's not eating a lot and is the type of person to eat ice-cream one spoonful at a time, just like most people who claim to have a fast metabolism like him.

My BMI is in the teens now!!
/u/Hairless_Human [6' | CW 146 | BMI 19.8 | WL -134 |M 21]
Created: Fri Aug 31 13:52:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bwtr3/my_bmi_is_in_the_teens_now/
---
19.8 but still its in the teens. I use googles bmi thing to get my bmi. Idk how accurate it is but im to lazy to actually scroll down a little to find a more accurate one.

[Discussion] (Discussion) Effects of EC Stack
/u/weightliftingwaif [5'2.5" | 111.8lbs | 20.76| 2lbs]
Created: Fri Aug 31 13:44:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bwrd9/discussion_effects_of_ec_stack/
---
So I just started my stack again. I was on Zyprexa for bipolar and it made me gain so much weight by effecting me in three different ways: increased hunger, loss of focus, and sluggish when trying to exercise. I wanted to wait until it was out of my system bc I know with seroquel it wasn’t as effective when I tried doing both at the same time. My question is this: DAE notice it has to kind of build up in their system for it to be totally effective? I feel like at first I can only high restrict (1200ish) calories/day, but that the longer I’m consistently on it the less hungry I get.

Venting
/u/rcherry72
Created: Fri Aug 31 13:41:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bwqem/venting/
---
So I don’t really post on here. I usually just lurk. Anyways I’m not diagnosed with an eating disorder but I have very disordered eating and mindset around food. I currently binge and purge at least once a day. Well I throw up once usually. I go all day without eating in the hopes that I can just not eat that day to cancel out the binges and to not puke. But I end up being weak, usually because I smoke weed and get hungry. So I’m just stuck in this cycle of starving, binging, purging. I gained over 100 lbs from a variety of factors ( birth control, Pcos, life changes). So like I didn’t get fat by eating or by choice. So I’m very frustrated with my body now. I don’t feel like myself. I don’t recognize my body in the mirror.

I used to weigh around 160lbs which is decently healthy for 5’8”. I had so many cute clothes and I’ve had to buy new clothes now :( I keep trying to wait to buy clothes that I actually want because I want to lose weight, but then I just wear sweats and t shorts and I look even more awful.

I’m just so down about gaining weight and everything is triggering me rn. I just want to die 😢😢

[Rant/Rave] Co-workers eating what im craving FUUUUUUUU
/u/ISetMyGnomesOnFire
Created: Fri Aug 31 13:10:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bwh6e/coworkers_eating_what_im_craving_fuuuuuuuu/
---
Me at 10:00AM: I want chicken nuggets.

ALL THREE CO-WORKERS: \*Gets chucken nuggets for lunch and eats at the desks surrounding me at the same time\*

&#x200B;

Coke zero as always <3

Wish me luck
/u/PM_UR_PUPPY [5'7" | CW 133 | GW 120 | LW 118 ]
Created: Fri Aug 31 12:45:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bw9be/wish_me_luck/
---
I'm 24 hrs into my fast, aiming for 72 hrs / when I see a whoosh. Feeling chilly and hungry but otherwise ok.

I'm just so so so done with trying to be healthy when all that happens is that I overeat and gain. It's not necessarily healthier, it's still disordered because I still treat food as forbidden the only difference is that I let myself overeat. Either way I still have an unhealthy relationship with food and I'd rather be skinny.

[Rant/Rave] I’m fucking stupid.
/u/whereismaimind
Created: Fri Aug 31 12:41:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bw87v/im_fucking_stupid/
---
I usually take my birth control at noon everyday. Today I took it as normal, then went out to eat. I got a huge burrito bowl with chips. I finished it at 2 and immediately decided to purge it without even thinking about the fact that I just took my birth control at noon. Now I’m just an anxious mess 😩

Fasting buddies?
/u/PM_UR_PUPPY [Height | CW | BMI | Weight Lost | Gender]
Created: Fri Aug 31 12:39:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bw7dj/fasting_buddies/
---
[removed]

have any of you taken Seroquel?
/u/praduh [🥀🍰 * 15.6, 5'5"]
Created: Fri Aug 31 12:10:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bvyh4/have_any_of_you_taken_seroquel/
---
today I was prescribed 25mg to take nightly for insomnia and my psychiatrist said a side effect is an increased appetite. just wondering if anyone here has taken it and experienced that? ugh. my worst nightmare. ☠️ I know I won't gain unless I actually eat more but I don't even wanna /feel/ like I have to eat more.

Shoutout to this community for being more supportive and less judgmental than any other place I've found on the internet
/u/DandelionsDandelions
Created: Fri Aug 31 12:05:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bvx2f/shoutout_to_this_community_for_being_more/
---
...or in real life. Every day I see others posting about struggling with their disordered eating, and I've seen nothing but love and support from this community and I just wanted to thank you all from the bottom of my rotten lil heart. I'm so grateful to have found a space where I can be honest about my thoughts and behaviors and never feel judged or "less worthy," and I never feel like I'll be rejected when I decide I'd like to focus on recovery. Despite the name, from everything I've seen r/proED is more pro-recovery than any other similar forum I've come across in the last 10 years of my disorder. Thank you all, ladies and gentlemen, for giving me a outlet where I can really be honest with others and with myself. :\~) I love you all.

[Discussion] DAES feel a strong urge to lick the spoon / eat the crumbs when you’re preparing food?
/u/chezpajama
Created: Fri Aug 31 12:00:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bvv9b/daes_feel_a_strong_urge_to_lick_the_spoon_eat_the/
---
This seems to happen when I restrict below 800.

Sometimes I just throw the spoon, knife, whatever in the sink. Other times I do it sneakily so my boyfriend doesn’t look at me like I’m a freak.

[Rant/Rave] I want to cry
/u/twa1238
Created: Fri Aug 31 11:51:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bvsp2/i_want_to_cry/
---
man I hate it. I hate my body I hate eating I hate food I hate hating food.

I hate how long it takes to lose weight. If I eat 645 calories a day I’ll reach my goal on September 20th says LoseIt but I know it’s not true. I know weight loss is not linear blah blah blah and oh my tdee yeah yeah watch out your metabolism I know I know but it sucks. I eat next to nothing and keep gaining. I exercised today and drank enough water and ate 45gram of protein and didn’t use laxatives even though I really wanted to. I really tried to reach the calories I need to maintain but it felt so wrong and I was full and now I counted my budget and how much I need to cut out and looked it up on LoseIt and I’m angry at myself for not fasting today.

I hate myself for being in this again. I was over my ED for such a long time but then I stopped going to the gym and gained a little bit of weight which triggered me and I started binging again and I swear I told myself to just lose the weight in a healthy way and it was only a few kilos but noooOOoooO I couldn’t stop myself. I seriously thought I might just get back A LITTLE until I reach my goal weight but now I am so deep into this again. I feel fatter than ever, even though all my recently bought clothes are too big now.

I don’t know why my body hurts.it hurts as if I was over eating, you know when you get this pain in your lower stomach after binging? Why do I feel this now?!?!???!!!! I can’t eat anything, I want to throw up, I have to force myself to eat, it drives me crazy. I don’t WANT to eat and I’m not hungry it’s not fair that I HAVE too when I’m fat anyway. On the IF sub people talk about not eating for WEEKS, just their bodies living off their fat, I’m so jealous and I don’t get it. How do they do that. How is that possible. My body acts like it’s dying when I don’t eat for half a day, heart racing and bruising and getting sick and all.


Sorry this got so long. I’m just so sad because I feel so fat. lol. See, I said I FEEL fat, not I AM. Recovery, right.


Tl;dr: I hate everything today and also I’m fat

[Help] quiet exercises
/u/menswear98
Created: Fri Aug 31 11:49:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bvs23/quiet_exercises/
---
i want to exercise every day but i don’t want everyone i live with to know i’m doing this again. i have an exercise bike that i use but i don’t want them to know i’m doing more than that because they’ll probably stop me altogether. i don’t know if this sounds stupid but yeah just wondering if anyone knows any easy, quiet exercises that i can do??

embarrassed about always measuring your food in cup measures?
/u/throwingaweight [🌸5’7” | CW:129 | BMI:20 | GW:120🌸]
Created: Fri Aug 31 11:28:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bvlm8/embarrassed_about_always_measuring_your_food_in/
---
get cute cup measures!!! i got some really sweet copper ones from anthropologie, and i just am like, “oh it’s just a really cute and easy way to have a tiny bowl for my 1/4 cup of blueberries i am allotted!!!”

doesn’t quite work for stuff like cereal but it works wonders for snacks

i fucking ate myself and entire BMI point up. jesussss.
/u/QariatAlFingan
Created: Fri Aug 31 11:11:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bvg72/i_fucking_ate_myself_and_entire_bmi_point_up/
---
Pre binge bmi 18.8

post binge bmi 19.8 HOLY CRAP.

probably cause i drank a lot of water (my tummy is still goig sploosh sploosh) but still damn thats some scary shit

How do you deal with rumors
/u/thinraindrop
Created: Fri Aug 31 10:57:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bvbpg/how_do_you_deal_with_rumors/
---
*boom boom boom rumor has it boom boom*
Fuck I hate myself

So recently a couple of people in my group of friends have been spreading rumors about finding lax in my backpack and me relapsing and stuff. It got to the point where even my sister heard about it, and I had to lie to her which is the worst feeling in the world.

How do you guys deal with confrontation and shit? Like, what would be a good default answer to have to make people stop talking about me?

Thanks k bye



Love this group: A small appreciation letter
/u/suranzuri
Created: Fri Aug 31 10:54:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bvarq/love_this_group_a_small_appreciation_letter/
---
So happy to have found this group and love that you're all so active. It's great to finally know that I'm not alone in this struggle and that there are people out ther who fully understand, are and have been in the same situation, and that we can all come here to laugh and cry together.

You know when you find a friend([s] group) and you just feel like the universe brought you all together? Like, you're always so excited to see them and be around them - that's how I feel with this sub.

Honestly, thank you all for being so kind to one another, for taking time to offer a shoulder or an ear, for offering advice or your opinion. I appreciate every single post on here and again, am so glad to have found you all. 💗

this reddit 'community chat' thing?
/u/whatsacal
Created: Fri Aug 31 10:48:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bv92b/this_reddit_community_chat_thing/
---
is that something this sub has?

[Rant/Rave] Holy shit I told my husband last night and it went okay! (Reposted to add flair)
/u/button_eyed_coraline [5'4" | 165 | 28.3 | -75 | Female]
Created: Fri Aug 31 10:48:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bv8yl/holy_shit_i_told_my_husband_last_night_and_it/
---
I got some great advice and support from fellow users here encouraging me to open up to my husband about my current relapse. I took a day or so to mull it over and decided to be brave and bring it up with him.

He got home early last night and we had a great evening! He helped with the baby’s bath and bedtime routine, and then I made him dinner and we went in our hot tub. We live on property and our hot tub faces an empty field and hills, so we turn off all the lights and look at the stars and pretend we’re all alone. So peaceful. I felt really positive and that seemed like the best frame of mind for a serious conversation, so I brought it up gently.

I told him how my doctor was concerned about my dramatic and rapid weight loss, and that she had asked if I was eating enough or having issues with my eating. He joked that I should have said yes, and I went for it. I told him about the anxiety, how controlling my food helps to assuage my feelings of powerlessness, and how I feel very badly about my body right now. Apparently he’d been suspecting this because I’m not as sneaky as I like to think I am. He had some really nice things to say, and didn’t freak out at all.

I made sure to let him know that I may be restricting, but that I intentionally do not restrict as heavily as I did 10 years ago because my number one priority is to be a good mom and that means having the energy and clarity of mind to care for my daughter all day. He said he wasn’t even worried about that because he knows how good of a mother I am. (Cue tears)

We came to the conclusion that he isn’t the Food Police, and that we will reassess once I reach a healthy BMI (about 22 more lbs, I need to update my flair). In the meantime, he’s going to let me do what’s working for my anxiety because that’s keeping me from escalating my restrictions. As long as my bloodwork comes back okay from my doctor, he won’t press the issue. Once I reach a healthy weight range, he wants to discuss me returning to Real Food (I am on 100% Soylent) and potentially seeing a therapist if we can find a good one. I’m anticipating that will be more dramatic because his idea of an ideal weight for me is way higher than mine, but at least I started the conversation.

Thank you to everyone who encouraged me to be honest with him. It was hard and scary, but ended up being just fine. I feel a lot less encumbered by my Big Secret.

[Help] Weight increase even though I'm below maintenance.
/u/edcody729
Created: Fri Aug 31 10:46:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bv8hf/weight_increase_even_though_im_below_maintenance/
---
I'm eating below maintenance but more than I've been eating, and the scale keeps going up. What gives?

Holy shit I told my husband last night and it went okay!
/u/button_eyed_coraline [5'4" | 165 | 28.3 | -75 | Female]
Created: Fri Aug 31 10:45:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bv7v2/holy_shit_i_told_my_husband_last_night_and_it/
---
I got some great advice and support from fellow users here encouraging me to open up to my husband about my current relapse. I took a day or so to mull it over and decided to be brave and bring it up with him.

He got home early last night and we had a great evening! He helped with the baby’s bath and bedtime routine, and then I made him dinner and we went in our hot tub. We live on property and our hot tub faces an empty field and hills, so we turn off all the lights and look at the stars and pretend we’re all alone. So peaceful. I felt really positive and that seemed like the best frame of mind for a serious conversation, so I brought it up gently.

I told him how my doctor was concerned about my dramatic and rapid weight loss, and that she had asked if I was eating enough or having issues with my eating. He joked that I should have said yes, and I went for it. I told him about the anxiety, how controlling my food helps to assuage my feelings of powerlessness, and how I feel very badly about my body right now. Apparently he’d been suspecting this because I’m not as sneaky as I like to think I am. He had some really nice things to say, and didn’t freak out at all.

I made sure to let him know that I may be restricting, but that I intentionally do not restrict as heavily as I did 10 years ago because my number one priority is to be a good mom and that means having the energy and clarity of mind to care for my daughter all day. He said he wasn’t even worried about that because he knows how good of a mother I am. (Cue tears)

We came to the conclusion that he isn’t the Food Police, and that we will reassess once I reach a healthy BMI (about 22 more lbs, I need to update my flair). In the meantime, he’s going to let me do what’s working for my anxiety because that’s keeping me from escalating my restrictions. As long as my bloodwork comes back okay from my doctor, he won’t press the issue. Once I reach a healthy weight range, he wants to discuss me returning to Real Food (I am on 100% Soylent) and potentially seeing a therapist if we can find a good one. I’m anticipating that will be more dramatic because his idea of an ideal weight for me is way higher than mine, but at least I started the conversation.

Thank you to everyone who encouraged me to be honest with him. It was hard and scary, but ended up being just fine. I feel a lot less encumbered by my Big Secret.

[Rant/Rave] Drunk binging
/u/gabebega
Created: Fri Aug 31 10:30:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bv3gb/drunk_binging/
---
Yesterday some colleagues noticed my weight loss “OMG you look so good so thin”. I felt happy. Then I went out, had a few drinks and was feeling super happy. Until I started flirting with this guy and I didn’t know if it was mutual pr not until he kissed another girl in front of me. I felt pretty stupid, my ED screaming: YOU HAVE TO GET VERY SKINNY VERY SKINNY SO PEOPLE WILL LIKE YOU IT’S NOT ENOUGH!!!!!
Back at home I binged. Delivery. Woke up sick, the boxes of food on the bed. The cherry on the cake: the cleaning lady came today and when she saw me she said: “OMG YOU ARE SO THIN I WANNE BE LIKE YOU ONE DAY”
AAAAAAAAAA SHIT I AM A MESS

[Help] Is anyone here on medication?
/u/ohdarlingyourefucked
Created: Fri Aug 31 10:30:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bv3e9/is_anyone_here_on_medication/
---
I take Propanolol and Hydroxyzine for my anxiety. A few months ago I was also prescribed Prozac and Abilify to help with other things. Up until this point I have refused to take them. But now both my psych and therapist have told me if I don’t take them they will be no longer willing to work with me which honestly sucks. The psych I could care less about..but I’ve been seeing this therapist for months now and I really hate the idea of having to start over with someone else. I’m so stressed and sad about this. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m being backed into a corner with no choice but to take my meds. I just so scared of some of the side effects which I did explain to them but they just told me “that won’t happen to you, take the meds.” Which just made me even more frustrated. I know this isn’t ED related really but I need advice. 😕

which body fat calculator do you use?
/u/manfromanother-place [5’1.75 | CW:102.5 | GW: 98 | 19.62]
Created: Fri Aug 31 10:28:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bv2yp/which_body_fat_calculator_do_you_use/
---
one i used said 24%, while the other said 17.5% D:

[Other] I love this sub
/u/glitterfitte
Created: Fri Aug 31 10:18:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9buzw9/i_love_this_sub/
---
I have a lot of thoughts I need to get out of my brain today. So, dear diary, here's a little bit of background story. I've been recovered for about a year and a half after an ED stint that lasted for two years and that put me at 105-110 at my lowest. Today I'm just over 150 pounds.

I've been wanting to lose a lot of the weight I put on but I only recently took the plunge and started seriously cutting calories, writing a food/weight diary, fasting and whatnot. I feel kind of weird being in this sub though, because I still eat so much more than most people in this sub and my goal weight is pretty much at a normal BMI. I know that might change pretty fast but for now I actually feel good about what I'm doing and for once I don't feel like I want to fully destroy myself.

I guess what I eventually wanted to say that I want to thank you guys for being so supportive to everyone regardless of where they're at in their journey or what they're doing. For me this sub isn't as much about fueling my ED as it is just having a place to share both positive and negative thoughts with people who know what I've been through, because I feel too scared to air my thoughts in other subs. I thought this sub would be a pretty toxic place to spend my time at, but it turned out to be something completely different. Maybe someday I'll be able to completely rid myself of any disordered behaviour and I'll know this sub helped a lot.

Fuckkkkk
/u/blmatsuu [5'2 | 104 | 19.0 | -51 | FTM]
Created: Fri Aug 31 10:03:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9buv9r/fuckkkkk/
---
Went to therapy and they weighed me as usual and apparently I’ve lost 2kg since they saw me last week and honestly I’m fucking hyped about the weight loss but my therapist is saying she won’t let me get any lower and she doesn’t want me to end up being sectioned or getting ‘really sick’?? Like she’s sweet and helps a lot tbh but h o w the fuck am I going to die when I’m not even underweight yet, I think I’m gonna have to start water loading and stuff,, and it sucks because my own scales are shit and it was always cool being able to see my actual weight on proper scales but looks like I can’t do that anymore or she’ll section me 🤪

Coping with the fear of gaining weight
/u/eva1588
Created: Fri Aug 31 09:55:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9buswv/coping_with_the_fear_of_gaining_weight/
---
I have terrible coping skills when it comes to my fear of weight gain. I am constantly nervous that I am gaining weight or not loosing it. Then I will try to exercise, sometimes too much and then it increases my appetite :( How do you guys cope with this fear, if you have it?

Why are you trying to loose?
/u/eva1588
Created: Fri Aug 31 09:50:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bur6z/why_are_you_trying_to_loose/
---
For me I want to loose weight to feel younger, have more energy and be happier. I want to have a NO stomach fat and feel long and lean. Im not sure what number that is on the scale but i know I got to loose at least 5-7 more pounds. What are your goals and why?

DAE feel like they'll never reach their goal weight?
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | CW 120 | GW 115 | UGW 110/115 | F]
Created: Fri Aug 31 09:46:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9buq0i/dae_feel_like_theyll_never_reach_their_goal_weight/
---
My scale has been stuck at 120 and I need to lose 10 pounds. I feel like it'll never happen and it makes me feel like I'll be trapped in this terrible body forever.

[Discussion] What are your experiences with recovery? (If any)
/u/kpatable [5'9.5" | 134 lbs | F]
Created: Fri Aug 31 09:39:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bunw6/what_are_your_experiences_with_recovery_if_any/
---
And I'm asking everyone regardless of if you have AN, BN, BED, EDNOS, or whatever. And like, I want to get a discussion going about what recovery looks like for eating disorders other than AN, too. It would enlighten me, and I'm hoping it would enlighten others, too~

Personally, I have been doing what I can to recover from EDNOS for about 2ish years. I've been trying to build a better relationship with food, basically. I binge/overeat to feel comfort, and I restrict as a form of self-harm. It's been really difficult to find balance.

But yeah. Now y'all go c:

Binge eating (tw)
/u/iron_blanket
Created: Fri Aug 31 09:39:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bunpv/binge_eating_tw/
---
It's been three years since the person who was my step father committed suicide. I told my boyfriend last night about the time my step father lay on my bed next to me and stroked my stomach and then put his down my pants. I want to tell him about what my bio dad has done to me as well. But my bio dad is coming to stay in a few months and he is dying of cancer..so it's not worth it.

I hate my life.

Now I can't stop eating since opening up about it. I want to feel something so I keep forcing food into myself. I want to purge but I'm at work.

I just needed to get this out.

I am so disassociated I want slash my arms and legs so I can feel something. I feel like I'm under water. Everything is numb but I'm still drowning.

Just a friendly reminder that water/waste weight can be 5+ pounds and stick around for weeks before a "woosh"
/u/exmorbidly
Created: Fri Aug 31 09:19:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9buhkx/just_a_friendly_reminder_that_waterwaste_weight/
---
I ate like literal garbage on vacation 2 weeks ago. 2400 calories a day for 6 days, I counted. When I got home, I was up 6 pounds. I thought "oh this is just water weight.. it'll be gone in a couple days! I should have only gained like 2lbs max." 2 weeks go by and the scale has only gone back down 1 or 2 pounds, even though I was eating at a deficit again. I was panicking. Then randomly (without laxatives or anything) the past 2 days I have literally pooped and peed 500 times and lost 4lbs, bringing me back down to where I was before the trip. I seriously think my body was holding all of that in me for 2 weeks. Fking insane.

I need to hide my weight loss
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | CW 120 | GW 115 | UGW 110/115 | F]
Created: Fri Aug 31 09:16:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bugv4/i_need_to_hide_my_weight_loss/
---
And it's killing me. I'm trying to restrict higher and exercise so I lose at a rate of 1-2 pounds per week. If I lose faster and restrict lower, people will notice. But it's so painfully slow and I have a hard time keeping the food down. I usually purge whenever I get the chance. Yet if people know they'll stop me. Thus is gonna be a long, grueling slow journey.

[Rant/Rave] Waking up from dreams where I binged is like one of the best feelings ever!!!!
/u/not-creative-enough-
Created: Fri Aug 31 09:05:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9budfl/waking_up_from_dreams_where_i_binged_is_like_one/
---
I woke up at like 5am this morning (wayyy too early), decided I was hungry so I made a low-cal breakfast and passed out shortly after. In my dream I ate way too much food and felt like utter crap, I soon woke up and realized I hadn’t done any of that and god it felt amazing!!! Knowing I didn’t lose control and screw up my day felt so good!! It’s like having a do-over!

(Sorry if I didn’t flair it properly)

I'm choosing recovery.
/u/wannathrowyouaway
Created: Fri Aug 31 09:01:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9buc4d/im_choosing_recovery/
---
I'm on vacation and I've gained some fat and lost muscle. I don't even know my current weight, nor do I want to know. I haven't been working out at all until yesterday and I've been eating like shit. But you know what, I've learned to not hate myself. Now, I'm not saying I don't want to lose weight. But I'm not going to actively try, not now at least. I'm just going to focus on building muscle and I'm also going vegetarian because that's what's best for me.

[Other] do you guys see your veins more when you’re fasting?? lmao it’s kind of cool
/u/kahmanee [6’2” | 180 | 23.1 | 80+ lbs | Male]
Created: Fri Aug 31 08:36:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bu4w0/do_you_guys_see_your_veins_more_when_youre/
---
https://i.redd.it/sr5le3uvwfj11.jpg

back on my bullshit!!
/u/sadfatho [5'5" | HW: 220 lbs | CW:190 lbs | GW: 120 lbs | 23F]
Created: Fri Aug 31 08:33:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bu3xx/back_on_my_bullshit/
---
I've been "recovered" from my ED for a few years, but what that actually means is that I've been binging and have gained so much weight I look like a literal tomato. It's like I can't stop.
Well a few days ago I was looking through old pictures with my bf, and he commented "Wow you used to be so skinny! You couldn't have weighed more than 90 lbs!" and it was the most TRIGGERING shit I've dealt with in a while. I know he didn't mean anything negative by it, but I literally haven't been able to eat since then. I wanna be seen as sickly thin again :)))))

DAE not want to be very very thin?
/u/hammerprice [5'11" | obese | -4kg | 26F | vegan | inbox always open to talk!]
Created: Fri Aug 31 08:15:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9btypw/dae_not_want_to_be_very_very_thin/
---
I want to lose weight as fast as possible but I don't want to look very very thin. A lot of people talk about specifically wanting to look bone-thin or even look sick/gaunt, wanting their ribs to stick out, etc. but that's not what I want, I just want to lose weight ASAP by any means necessary. I would actually love to look really muscular, like [Jessica Olaya Bentacur](https://www.instagram.com/jessicaolaya15/). But that takes effort lol and I don't feel comfortable working out at my current size so, lose weight first. I do see a lot of people mentioning that they hit their goal weight and still don't feel fulfilled so IDK if this is just how I feel because I'm so overweight and that my opinion would change the closer I got to my current GW.

I feel like I can't be the only one because a lot of dudes with EDs are also trying to look really cut, not skinny, but does this mean I shouldn't post here? I just never hear about anyone whose goal weight isn't underweight. In so many other ways I relate to the posts here, I share so many similar anxieties around eating and food and body image etc, but I never see people aiming for different body types - except for people talking about gender identity/androgyny which I also heavily relate to and I think it's why I want to look so ripped.

What even is the point of fasting??
/u/DinosaursAndStarStuf [5'3.5| 106 | 18.5| F]
Created: Fri Aug 31 08:07:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9btwn8/what_even_is_the_point_of_fasting/
---
I last ate at 9pm Wednesday night. Ran 4 miles Thursday morning and had about 120oz of fluid during the day - mostly water, one decaf black coffee, one caffeine free diet soda, and some Gatorade zero. I also hit my step goal of 11k. Weighed in this morning (Friday) at hour 32 of my fast after using the bathroom (I even pooped!!) and I am THE EXACT SAME WEIGHT AS YESTERDAY.


Ugh, fucking how and why. I am so grumpy today now! Plz send happy thoughts if you have any to spare. 🙃

The upside of breaking up with my BF of over a year
/u/myworkhandle
Created: Fri Aug 31 08:02:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9btva8/the_upside_of_breaking_up_with_my_bf_of_over_a/
---
He beat me up last week. I've been in abusive relationships before- I WILL NOT participate in another one.

He came to my apartment in the middle of the night last night to get his things- including a TV we just bought together. I didn't want the damn thing anyway- I'm GLAD it's gone.

I stayed sober for him when we were together. Now I can drink as much as I want and binge/purge/ starve AS MUCH AS I WANT. My jeans are already fitting looser.

I had to eat when he was around and had to hide any B/P as best as I could. NOT ANYMORE!!!! If I don't want to eat, I won't. If I feel like sleeping all day, I will. If I want to drink my life away, it's on. FUCK THAT ASSHOLE. My life is mine again. THANK GOD.

[Goal] Reached a few goals but thats apparently even more triggering lol
/u/ISetMyGnomesOnFire
Created: Fri Aug 31 07:50:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9btrqs/reached_a_few_goals_but_thats_apparently_even/
---
Some great things have happened.

* im officially down from 152lbs to 126lbs since May! So close to my UGW 100lbs <3
* My boyfriend can lift me without struggling (as much \*eye-roll\*)
* Hes been commenting every time we have sex how small ive gotten and how my ribs are more noticeable. This would be great...if my mind didn't tell me hes only saying what i want to hear and he actually thinks im a fat cow :)
* He mentioned to me last night as i was hunched over putting music on that my "back bones are popping out"

i ate a handful of wheat things and a cookie from a 3 pack he bought yesterday so im trying to stay on this right track. I really wouldn't be able to do it without you guys <3 thank you for being here

&#x200B;

Waterloading
/u/pelq
Created: Fri Aug 31 07:43:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9btpv4/waterloading/
---
I'm currently in recovery, have been for over a year, and I'm at the point where my anorexia is almost completely gone, thank god.

My therapist doesnt care about that though, and neither do my parents, right now they want me to continue to gain weight.

I've been trying my hardest, and eating everything which I've been told to, even more sometimes, but I'm scared my weight won't go up since that will lead to a lot of my privileges being taken away, and my parents no longer trusting me at all.

I have my appointment today, how do I make waterloading more efficient so that the scale definitely does go up?

I'm not doing this because I'm scared to gain, I honestly dont give a damn about how I look or how much I weigh anymore, I just *can't* physically gain anymore.

[Discussion] Is anyone else here really passionate about cooking?
/u/LillyWhiteAndFrozen [5'4 | 175 lbs | 30.63 | F]
Created: Fri Aug 31 07:26:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9btle8/is_anyone_else_here_really_passionate_about/
---
I know this is pretty common for people with eating disorders, but I don't hear much about it. I absolutely love cooking. So much so that I've considered going to culinary school before. I'm obsessed with trying new spices, experimenting with different recipes, watching cooking shows, watching eating videos, discussing food and cooking techniques and kitchen gadgets and ingredients and all the rest of it. Very few things make me happier than cooking a meal for people. I threw a dinner party is at my apartment really often - at least once a week.

Sometimes it breaks my heart because I know that I have to choose between actually appreciating and enjoying my love of food, and making it to my goal weight... Because for some reason I'm not the kind of person who can have manage healthy middle ground.

I made a giant pot of really good authentic Cajun gumbo with steamed rice on the side for my office today, and it smells amazing and everyone is really excited. And I'm not going to be able to eat any without logging it and worrying about it and wanting more but not letting myself have seconds. I don't know. It's just making me sad today.

TLDR; cooking is probably the greatest passion in my life, but I can't fully participate in it right now because of my eating disorder. Feeling weird.

[Goal] Pre-New Years resolutions! 🏆 instead of making New Years resolutions .................. there is ample time for us to BE the Nyrs resolution by 2019! 🤜🏽🤛🏾 Goal weights~Binge/purge free~calorie goals~recovery goals~therapy goals
/u/BeginningBarnacle [5'4.5"|126lbs|21.3 BMI|10lbs:downvote:|F:redditgold:]
Created: Fri Aug 31 07:07:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9btgcs/prenew_years_resolutions_instead_of_making_new/
---
Let’s do this ladies and germs!
I am amped and confident we can slay what’s left of 2018 and start 2019 with our heads high.

My goals for the beginning of 2019 are:
1) get a therapist. If that therapist is lame, keep looking (I’ve only been to two and they weren’t helpful and I’d give up)
2) stay on the 5:2 religiously
3) no bingeing or purging❌
4) start exercising 😱
5) meditate daily

[Thinspo] Who is everyone’s celebrity thinspo??
/u/refinnejjjj
Created: Fri Aug 31 06:28:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bt6d9/who_is_everyones_celebrity_thinspo/
---
I can’t stop stalking Ariana Grande’s Instagram lol...I’m obsessed with her legs and jawline

[Other] My first day with EC stack: a f*cking roller-coaster.
/u/audreyhepburnwho [25F | 5'8 | cw 159 | hw 196 | sw 172 | lw 150 | ugw 145]
Created: Fri Aug 31 06:24:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bt5el/my_first_day_with_ec_stack_a_fcking_rollercoaster/
---
Ooooo boy do I have a story for you. Spoiler alert, I didn't die :D this is gonna be a long one but i suggest you stick around till the end if a) you're considering or are already starting to EC stack, or b) are bored and could use some entertaining storytelling.

So my day yesterday was, fun. A bit of back story, I've been fasting a lot. I kinda fast for a few days and usually end up bingeing but overall still losing.. I wanted to try the stack to see if it'd help with my energy levels during fasts and appetite suppression so i wouldn't binge on refeed days... I ordered bronkaid online and did a shit ton of research on the topic. I had everything down, and a very good plan to start on a very low dose and slowly work my way up.

Bronkaid arrived on Wednesday. It was already afternoon but i wanted to test if I might be sensitive to it, and took a quarter of a pill, which is basically nothing. Didn't feel anything which was a good sign.

Thursday i wanted to actually start. My plan for the first day was to take half a pill in the morning, and another half later on if everything went well (to put it into perspective, normally people work their way up to 3 pills a day). At this point i was fasted for 36 hours. Which for me is practically nothing, I fast a lot. I didn't find anything saying the pills really needed to be taken with food. So I took the first half, along with the equivalent amount of caffeine in the form of an energy drink, and some omega 3, in the morning. Nothing. Around lunch time i crashed, was suuuuper tired, super sleepy. Which to me isn't normal even during fasts, and i had taken my electrolytes per usual.. . I figured it was because i hadn't had my coffee(s)... I usually drink a shit ton of coffee but didn't want to bring too much caffeine into the mix... But then i thought, what if I'm just so desensitized from caffeine that the EC won't take effect, like maybe i need to take the caffeine for the EC on top of my regular coffee cups? Ok so, i drank a coffee. Then another. But all I felt was tired, soool very tired. And then i started feeling cold.... Veeeery cold. I was at work and no one else felt cold but my fingers were practically white, and i started also feeling a bit nauseous.

Now, these could be symptoms of fasting for too long but that's usually what i get like 5 or 6 days into a fast (except for the cold, i never get that, im not underweight) , not on the second day... It was weird. And I knew eating something could help at least with the nausea but i was adamant on not breaking the fast.... Dumbass. So, 4 hours after my first EC dose i took the second one, figuring maybe half was just too low to feel anything. This time i took it with a caffeine pill. But still, hours after, didn't feel any rise in energy, not at all. And Stil felt super cold, while the ephedrine is supposed to make your body temperature go slightly up.

So i came home and i collapsed on my sofa under the covers because i was shivering even though my apartment is quite warm, and wondered if i should just ride the storm. I could try to sleep and hopefully feel better the next day. I thought maybe it's just taking me longer to get to get into ketosis this time or maybe I'm catching the flu..... I was SO weak, cold, tired, i could barely walk and I have absolutely no food at home, ever. At this point i didnt care about my fast but i physically couldn't walk to the store to get something without the fear that i might collapse. So i decided to order in.... I ordered from a burger joint and was kinda in the excited binge mode but it was more like, legit starvation.

The food arrives and i go HAM. However, i got full much earlier than usual. At some point i was c/s'ing just because i felt like there was no room left in my stomach. But seriously ive binged on amounts much bigger than this before, like literally last week lol so i dont think my stomach shrank since then .... Then i realized, it wasnt that i was really full, it was more that this food wasn't tasting that good. I even considered going to the supermarket to grab some dessert, something i often do after ordering in, but i thought about it... And turns out I didn't crave it at all.

Normally, once the binge gates are open, i can't stop, and one thing i never turn down is chocolate. But the thought of it just seemed unappealing... Huh. This is important because this is what i believe to be the first effect of the stack i felt.

About an hour after i started eating, i was much more awake/energized. Again, normal, i just ate for the first time in like almost 48 hours. I was also not cold anymore. Yay! Then i started feeling... Restless. I already have restless leg syndrome (the thing where people mindlessly tap their foot or shake their leg when sitting still) but this was on another level. I was watching tv and fidgeting. I started feeling it more and more.... Wow. Energy. I considered going for a long walk to ride it out. I even considered going to the gym which thank god i didnt do. Ok, finally the ec is kicking in, i thought! Cool. :) hah. But my night was just about to start.

I then start feeling warm. Nice change after a whole day of coldness... My cheeks were pink, my thighs and my stomach were particularly warm, and i was feeling more and more restless. I noticed my heartbeat was clearly faster. This is what i should have felt shortly after dosing the EC, not so many hours later (i took the first one at 7am, the second at 12pm, and by now it was around 6pm.)

I just kept getting warmer and warmer.... Like, very very very warm. I was sweating. Then i noticed i was dehydrated (while ec stacking you're supposed to drink more water than usual), my eyes were dry. I started drinking a lot of water hoping it would calm my body down. I went to bed.

I lay in bed still restless. By now i have a terrible headache and i do the math and realize i ended up having about twice the amount of caffeine i usually do (: which explains the headache. My mind was tired but my body was like, ready to go. I felt like RUNNING ffs, and i dont run. I've seen people say you might need to workout or at least move more because you need to use the extra energy, but i didnt think my first days dose would be enough for that and also i didnt want to go workout in the state i was in because overheating is a serious risk. So i just lay in bed and hope I'll fall asleep and it'll stop.
I did indeed fall asleep, probably sometime after 8pm. I was waking up here and there to go pee and every time i woke up i was still ridiculously hot, sweating, and dehydrated, and every time i drank as much water as i could handle. After a few times doing this, and never looking at the clock, i wake up feeling much better. Temperature was back to normal, heartbeat as well. Stil sweating a lot but i felt really well rested. At this point i have no idea what time it was, but i felt like i had slept 10 hours straight. I look at the clock. 11pm. I had only slept 3 hours. It was a very deep sleep.

So i went back to bed, woke up to pee a few more times, and woke up in the morning fully rested, no more headache or other symptoms.

What a ride. I realize now typing this, it sounds way scarier than it was. I would've been freaking out if i hadn't taken the ec or if these were abnormal side effects. I wasn't freaked because i have a solid theory for what happened..... I think that because i took the ec on a empty stomach it wasn't properly digested and probably kinda sat in my stomach for a while. So when i finally ate, it was absorbed and the effect kicked in, and by now i already had a ton of caffeine in my system which amplified the effects.

Today i feel much much better. In order to rule out an over sensibility to the ephedrine that would keep me from being able to use it at all, i did it again today. At 9am, i ate a very light breakfast (only some vegetables) and took half a pill then. I'm much more careful with caffeine intake today and only took the amount needed for the ec dose. It's now 2pm, i haven't felt any changes in body temperature, but do feel only slightly more energized than usual, and food is indeed rather unappealing right now. Im gonna take the other half soon and keep it at that. Tomorrow I'm gonna try 3 doses of a half a pill and I'm going to the gym to test how it affects my workout. I plan on VERY slowly working up to 2 whole pills (bodybuilders take 3 whole pills but I'm no bodybuilder so i might not need as much). Again, today i feel completely fine and there's no weird reaction. This gave me the last push i needed to stop cycling with fasts and binges, my plan for this month is to low restrict, with 2 small meals a day which would be when i take the ec, hopefully the ec will make restricting easier (i fast because i find not eating to be easier than restricting... But hopefully the ec will make it easier) and this way I'll hopefully not binge.



Thanks for making it this far!


Weekly Selfie, Progress Pic and OOTD Thread! August 31, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Aug 31 06:12:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bt2mb/weekly_selfie_progress_pic_and_ootd_thread_august/
---
This is the weekly picture thread for August 31, 2018.

Feel free to share your selfies, progress pics or outfit-of-the-day (OOTD) pics in this thread!

1. Be nice, **or you will be banned.**

2. Please use the reddit image uploading feature or [imgur](http://imgur.com/) as a host. *Tip: Keep your pictures from getting published to the Imgur gallery (and subsequently commented/voted on by the general Imgur public) by changing the setting from Public to Only Me. This makes your content only accessible via the direct URL.*

3. Members *may not* ask other members to comment on whether they are fat or skinny. There are other subs for that kind of feedback.

4. Consider adding commentary on featured brands, sizing, or inspiration behind your OOTD

**Remember that anyone can view the contents of this thread even if they are banned from this subreddit. If you receive unwanted messages, please contact the mods with a screenshot of the relevant messages. Note that even if we ban people, they can still message you, and they still have access to the contents of this subreddit. The best thing for you to do is to block them.**

*****

Selfie, progress pic and OOTD threads are posted every Friday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)


Daily Food Diary! August 31, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Fri Aug 31 06:12:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bt2l3/daily_food_diary_august_31_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for August 31, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)


2nd day of fasting, gained even more
/u/pipercloe
Created: Fri Aug 31 05:37:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bsusy/2nd_day_of_fasting_gained_even_more/
---
I’m fucking losing it. Just completed hour 56 of a fast and am UP 1.2 lbs. This shouldn’t even be possible. I feel like I’m carrying the antichrist of water weight that is growing despite all odds. I’m not sure if I should fast for another 24 hours or eat something, or if it’s just my whack ass scale. Seriously what is happening to me!!!

[Other] 1 year with bulimia. I feel like I’m stuck in place running and getting nowhere.
/u/WaityKaity [5'4" | LW 46kg | HW 65kg | -5kg]
Created: Fri Aug 31 05:21:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bsr7q/1_year_with_bulimia_i_feel_like_im_stuck_in_place/
---
https://i.redd.it/45v21dz2yej11.jpg

[Discussion] In regards to weight loss do you focus on anything besides calories?
/u/gothicapples
Created: Fri Aug 31 04:11:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bsdad/in_regards_to_weight_loss_do_you_focus_on/
---
I personally don’t care about carbs,fat,sugar etc

I don’t focus on any of those things I only watch my calorie intake
I never also never exercise (besides basic fidgeting/legs always shaking) and I have always been able to lose weights just fine

I just always see people saying like yea it’s only 100 calories but like 25 carbs or yea it’s only 50 calories but so much sugar I just don’t care about things like that just calories going in my body BUT I always calculate the true calories and use that unless the package is higher then I use the higher number

[Rant/Rave] Does anyone else just fucking love fasting ??
/u/softdyke
Created: Fri Aug 31 02:20:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9brtvt/does_anyone_else_just_fucking_love_fasting/
---
I’m on hour 33 and feel completely fine and good and excited and I’m about to have a coffee and a cigarette and I’m going to try and fast until Sunday ! Feeling good and happy

[Other] [NSFW] do you ever fantasize about being smaller in an intimate way?
/u/rattles-snakes
Created: Fri Aug 31 02:12:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9brsg6/nsfw_do_you_ever_fantasize_about_being_smaller_in/
---
I noticed last night that as my minor ed has taken root I've started to fantasize about intimacy after reaching my next goal weight, or the one after that. Does anyone else do this or am I going insane?

[Rant/Rave] My health is so fucked up
/u/Nutellapples
Created: Fri Aug 31 02:11:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9brs96/my_health_is_so_fucked_up/
---
And I'm not even skinny yet! Gosh I'm angry. I thought I would actually start getting sick at 120lbs or so , but im getting super sick and stuck at 150lbs... fuck , I hope In the end it's all worth it and I can get to my goal weight or my body just gives up in the process.

[Help] I just ate a tea bag
/u/cookingwine2 [173cm | CW: 55.7kg | GW: 44kg | 16F]
Created: Fri Aug 31 01:33:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9brlkl/i_just_ate_a_tea_bag/
---
I brought a tea bag into my room because I was hungry and could smell it and I ate it. I hope there wasn’t more than 20 calories. Has anyone else done that?

I fainted after a binge last night, and my eating disorder has once again proven what an irrational monster I have become.
/u/brbaaaa
Created: Fri Aug 31 01:18:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9britc/i_fainted_after_a_binge_last_night_and_my_eating/
---
Last night I had a pretty small binge (I mean small compared to my usual binges) after restricting for a while, but when I went to the bathroom to purge I suddenly started to feel so dizzy and disoriented. It felt like a bad anxiety attack at first, so I tried to calm myself down WHILE trying to purge, on my knees, basically leaning on the toilet seat because I had NO energy. I knew something more was going on when my heart started beating even faster and I began hyperventilating. My vision became blurry, too, which upon research I found out that all of those symptoms could be the result of sudden increase in blood sugar.

So I got up (barely) and started walking to my bed, all the while 1. concerned about weight gain, 2. planning to fast & figuring out how much I should exercise the next day, and 3. I CANNOT DIE WITH ALL THIS FOOD IN ME. because I really felt like I was going to die.

On my way to my bed I just collapsed on the floor and I'm genuinely grateful there was no physical injury because I fell head first.. Not too sure but I don't think I was out for a long time, maybe around 3-5 minutes? But you know what I did as soon as I "woke up?" I went straight back to the bathroom and started purging, thinking "thank god I can purge now." A normal person would have just gone to bed or to the ER. I almost died and even then I let bulimia control my every move. What the hell is wrong with me?

[Help] OCPD, anyone?
/u/cccant_you_see [5'6" | 121lbs | ♀]
Created: Thu Aug 30 23:38:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bqz9m/ocpd_anyone/
---
I guess I’m looking for some sort of solidarity. I have OCPD, and it’s a recent realization (not self-diagnosed). I understand it goes hand in hand with depression (I have MDD) and eating disorders (not officially diagnosed with one, but got the “if you were underweight, you’d meet the criteria” answer).

With other psychological problems in my life, I’ve managed to come to terms with them pretty easily. But with OCPD... it’s like every single part of my life is so obvious now. Everything about me is fucked up. My way of being is *wrong*, and it’s not fully intentional, most of it is deeply ingrained and automatic.

I used to think all of this was normal. My entire history feels like a lie. I am a bad joke.

Naturally, I can’t stop obsessing over it, and I can’t stop thinking about killing myself. I’ve dealt with suicidal ideation for a long time, but this is so bad. It feels physically painful, I am disgusted by myself and my life, I can’t imagine ever getting better. I’ve spent my whole life on a quest for self improvement, now I need to do it over again but with a new set of standards or rules, or WITHOUT those things?

I’m so fucking exhausted.

The more I let go of trying to perfect and control other things in my life, the more the focus is on my weight and appearance. It’s like the last, and the easiest thing I can try to exert control over.

Don’t eat. Obsess over food. Triple-check calorie counts. Weigh yourself in the morning, before eating or drinking, but after relieving yourself.

It all hurts so much.

finally not a lurker
/u/asiaticlily
Created: Thu Aug 30 23:27:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bqwzn/finally_not_a_lurker/
---
Oh hiiiii friends,
I’ve been lurking here for months, and I’m finally ready to post here after having a bottle of wine. Yeah, alcohol calories are shit. Can confirm.
So, I relapsed into my eating disorder when I got sober from alcohol like 9 months ago. I was just telling myself I was concerned with being fit again and losing the weight from drinking a lot..but then I relapsed with the booze, and here I am. Still concerned with calories. Lost 45 pounds from my HW an now stuck with the starving myself and the alcoholism. Super fun times. Funny how my mind copes with addiction. I’m now 5’10”, and 136 pounds and that’s definitely not near good enough for me. Just finally trying to put myself out here and admit to myself publicly that yes, I have alcoholism , and yup, I’ve coped with that fact with an eating disorder. Yikes. Double whammy.

Fuck my dinner right?
/u/PainfulKneeZit
Created: Thu Aug 30 23:27:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bqwxv/fuck_my_dinner_right/
---
Thanks clumsy me (I was gonna eat a snack box [140cals]) for dinner, but accidentally flipped it off the table onto the floor, and was only able to salvage maybe 100cals worth. Whatever, probably the universe telling me I don't need so much anywayyy.

[Discussion] How did you find this sub?
/u/to-be-a-feather [5'2 | 105 | 19.2 | SW 130 | F]
Created: Thu Aug 30 23:01:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bqrns/how_did_you_find_this_sub/
---
Genuinely curious how everyone came across this sub. I found it when I was investigating how efficient chewing and spitting was on google.

Experiencing cold/flu symptoms
/u/fxuk
Created: Thu Aug 30 22:51:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bqpln/experiencing_coldflu_symptoms/
---
Been restricting about 750 cals for the past couple days, and I’m getting some cold-like symptoms. Have you experienced this?

[Rant/Rave] Terrified for the weekend
/u/lilmdjd [5'3 | CW: 135 | LW: 95 | GW 115 | 23F]
Created: Thu Aug 30 22:44:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bqnuw/terrified_for_the_weekend/
---
Tomorrow is Friday. The beginning of a three day weekend. For the last few weeks, I have been stuck in a fast/restrict on weekdays and binge on weekends cycle. I’m still losing weight, albeit slowly, but it’s taking a huge emotional toll on me. I have made a whole plan of things I am gonna do to keep myself busy. Ways I’m gonna talk myself out of the binge. I want this so badly. Just ONE successful weekend. Just one. I can binge next weekend But let me have this one. I have so much anxiety about this that I can’t sleep. How do I tow the line between not eating too much and triggering a binge and not eating too little and triggering a binge? I’m gonna try so hard to listen to my body but at this point I’m not even sure what that sentence means entirely.

I wanna believe that I can do this. There’s no reason I can’t do this.



Beginning a 40 day liquid fast and really need some support
/u/suranzuri
Created: Thu Aug 30 22:42:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bqncb/beginning_a_40_day_liquid_fast_and_really_need/
---
Everything was going so well at the beginning of the year: I was eating well and had a fixed gym schedule... then I meta guy a the gym who broke my heart a few months later. Badly. I quickly fell back into depression, avoided the gym and steadily added all the weight I'd lost back on (9 lbs). 3 weeks ago, I was raped by a guy who followed me home from the bar and have been binging daily since. I put on another 10 lbs and now I'm back to where I was two years ago. All my hard work, gone.

I'm currently feeling super hopeless but today I've decided that I will do my best to lose as much weight as possible within the next 40 days... but I really need some support and words of encouragement. I did a 48 day caloric restriction diet before - living solely on coffee and maybe 200 - 300 calories of solid food, and I worked out daily for 1hr 20 mins, and on some days even 2 hrs - and I dropped around 50 lbs (SW: ~ 245 and the end weight stalled at ~ 195).

Since then, I slowly but steadily lost more until I hit my lowest in the longest time, 161 lbs this past January. Due to terrible eating habits and depression, today I weighed in at 180 lbs and I am mortified. The only reason I won't be going on a full water fast is because I would like to have the energy to be active and enjoy the day. I would like to workout while still losing. My current weight goal is 130 lbs and I'm certain that if I remain accountable and honest with myself, I can reach it within the next 40 days.

I just want to feel like somebody is on my side... I know at the end of the tunnel is better health and a better lifestyle which I will stick to. Can't tell my family because they would never support such a thing. I'm new to the community and see how well you all treat one another, I think this will serve as a good space until then. :)

[Tip] PSA: please never abuse laxatives it will change your digestive system forever
/u/gothicapples
Created: Thu Aug 30 22:40:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bqn0l/psa_please_never_abuse_laxatives_it_will_change/
---
I abused laxatives 7 years ago and stopped 5 years ago TMI things have NEVER been the same I can now not use the bathroom regularly and laxatives don’t even work for me anymore so even after not going for weeks there is very little I can do until my body chooses


I know most things about anorexia,bulimia etc is bad but this really is so irreversible

Just my two cents

Not so slim friends can make things worse?
/u/lamepianist
Created: Thu Aug 30 22:29:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bqkq6/not_so_slim_friends_can_make_things_worse/
---
Okay so I get it weight loss is great (sometimes)

But it so hard not to restrict when I get comments on how good I look or how people wish they could lose weight like me or wish they could be my size.

And like I know they all mean well, but they’re unintentionally fueling my ED

Like how can I be a healthy eating person, when my unhealthy eating habits are rewarded?

For example, earlier today I mini binged and ate half a quesadilla and got full (150 cal). And my “not so slim” friend immediately said “I wish that could get me full, must be nice”

Which positively enforced my lack of appetite, little do they know my lack of appetite is due to fasting and restricting.

Any tips on how to deal with this? I don’t want to tell them to stop because then that means explaining why it’s not good.

But also if I ever want a healthier relationship with food, then this can’t continue. IDK what to do :/

[Other] Not going to purge
/u/aisha7 [5'2'' | HW 141 |CW 129| -11 lbs | 18F]
Created: Thu Aug 30 22:19:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bqil5/not_going_to_purge/
---
I just binged. I have been eating at around 1000 calories for the past two weeks and running every day. Today I got my period unexpectedly and I got some crazy cravings. I ate an entire dominos pizza for about 2400 calories. I am uncomfortable, but I will not purge. Tomorrow I should still be full from today, so I will not eat unless I get hungry. I will go out and do my regular schedule. I know that my total caloric weekly average this week is under 1200. I know that my net intake is much lower than that due to running practice. I know one bad night is not going to turn into a binge purge cycle. I am refusing to let this one night ruin a good week. I owe it to myself to keep myself accountable for my mistakes and love myself despite them.

I just binged, but I will not purge.

META: Can someone create one of those new Reddit chat things?
/u/Grellous8 [5'6.5" | Fatkunt | 16M]
Created: Thu Aug 30 22:09:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bqg7y/meta_can_someone_create_one_of_those_new_reddit/
---
I just found out about Reddit's new update with the chat room function. It would be pretty cool to get some *somewhat* more live interaction with everyone here as support and good conversation can be made more accessible. I only ask and don't do because TBH I don't really know how this whole thing works and would appreciate if someone more knowledgeable could help me/us out. Let me know what you guys think...

[Discussion] "Meals" vs. "snacks": what's your definition?
/u/tofu_igloo
Created: Thu Aug 30 22:08:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bqg2v/meals_vs_snacks_whats_your_definition/
---
I've seen some really comforting "commiserating about weird ED thoughts/behaviors" threads lately and it got me thinking about one of mine that I want to see some more theories on.

I try to figure out my food plan for the night (i'm at work all day 6 days a week so I essentially only eat after dark?) by weighing myself and using whatever my current guidelines are to determine how much is fine to eat. So above X weight is, like, negligible cals food only (raw veggies?) the next category down is "snacks only, no meals" then "a meal is fine" then if I'm at the lowest it's "hell yes eat everything."

But the thing is, volume/complexity of food scares me maybe even more than calories so I know my meals vs. snacks definitions are kind of weird. Basically a meal is anything that:
Goes in a bowl or on a dinner plate instead of in a coffee mug or on a saucer
Is served hot (exception: instant miso soup)
Has more than two food groups at the same time (so, like, a piece of wrap bread dipped in hummus = a snack, but the same piece of bread rolled up with the same amount of hummus but also spinach = a meal)

DAE have similar wack-ass definitions/justifications re: food semantics?

[Help] Post class binge
/u/CrushedOats
Created: Thu Aug 30 21:56:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bqd93/post_class_binge/
---
School just started for me I had a perfectly planned out lunch (one strawberry, apple slice, and grilled tofu all 100cals total!) and proceeded to come home & eat 600 cals of yogurt, cheese and other fruits. Now I’m lying in bed feeling bloated as hell & sad that I’m over my 500 a day limit.
Anyway how do y’all stop yourself from snacking when you come home from work/school? Thank you so much!!

[Discussion] Film school project?
/u/trappedinaclub
Created: Thu Aug 30 21:52:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bqcbp/film_school_project/
---
So basically I’m going to film school and I’m focusing on documentary filmmaking. For one of our bigger projects, I’ve had it in the back of my mind for awhile to do one about eating disorders, more specifically the way that some people with eating disorders are sort of brushed off or not taken seriously when opening up about their eating disorder. For example, when my ED was at its worst, I had confided in a really good friend of mine how I was struggling and eating so much and then just purging, and she basically just said you don’t have an eating disorder just stop eating so much. I’ve seen quite a few posts on here about people going to a doctor or a professional and not being taken seriously because perhaps they’re not terribly thin or they may be overweight, which to me is absurd because an eating disorder is an eating disorder, and no matter what end of the spectrum eating disorders can be dangerous both mentally and physically.

So that’s sort of what I want to focus on. I’m just kind of wondering like how would you guys feel about seeing something that looks into that issue? I just really want to make this but I want to handle it with delicacy because it’s such a complicated issue. If there’s any reservations or potential issues you guys can see please tell me!

Also if you guys know of any good documentaries that do deal with ED’s in a similar way please recommend them!

Found in loseit.Well, I'm triggered as fuck now ,
/u/AbjectRepresentative [Height | CW | BMI | Weight Lost | Gender]
Created: Thu Aug 30 21:35:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bq8rn/found_in_loseitwell_im_triggered_as_fuck_now/
---
http://imgur.com/gallery/79YOZi3

[Help] Don’t know how much to restrict
/u/kireua
Created: Thu Aug 30 21:31:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bq7ni/dont_know_how_much_to_restrict/
---
I restrict under 600 calories a day, usually closer to 200-300 but I’ll try to hit 600.

The other day I noticed my hair pulling out v easily and got super scared so I ate 800 calories that day. I had a mental breakdown that night and I was super sad. I was like lmao I’m fat AND I’m gonna lose my hair (which is the only part of me I actually like)

I ate 505 today, and I told myself that I have to up my calorie intake to 900 but even thinking about that many cals makes me terrified. I don’t know what to do. I feel so fat and gross I don’t know if I should push myself up to 900 (bec last time I restricted to 1k i gained ???)

also lmao if anyone used to have love handles, and lost them when u lost weight plz tell me god I despise mine even going from a BMI of 27 to 23 they haven’t gone away remotely

Emotional support cats
/u/sninas24
Created: Thu Aug 30 21:30:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bq7j5/emotional_support_cats/
---
Hi! Does anyone have any experiences with adopting a cat as emotional support animal? I’d love to adopt a dog, but I’m just not home enough. My ED and depression have gotten really bad, and I’m trying to find anything that may help. I have always loved animals and being around them does make me happier, so I’m definitely thinking about it. Was the process of getting the “certification” difficult? Was it hard to work with your landlord? Any advice would help!

[Rant/Rave] TIL that a US size 2 is apparently a medium in Europe
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 105-107 | UGW: 94 | F]
Created: Thu Aug 30 21:25:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bq6i1/til_that_a_us_size_2_is_apparently_a_medium_in/
---
I ordered a bunch of stuff from Mango, which I love, and I was ordering from the US version of the website so I did US sizing. I put everything into my cart and thought nothing of it. It arrived today and everything was marked as a size medium. Apparently in Europe I’m a size medium. So now I’m sort of scared to try everything on because what if they fit?...but also what if they don’t. Idk. Just frustrated because I’m never quite the smallest.

[Rant/Rave] I ate 4,000 calories today
/u/NathansRattail
Created: Thu Aug 30 21:13:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bq3ow/i_ate_4000_calories_today/
---
My goal is 1,000.

Maintenance is 1,600.

MFP says if every day was like today I'd gain 20 lbs in 5 weeks.

I was 2 lbs away from my initial goal weight.

Fuck PMS.

[Rant/Rave] I’m ignoring it again...
/u/drowing_dancer
Created: Thu Aug 30 21:12:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bq3dw/im_ignoring_it_again/
---
So I was doing really well over the summer with my bulimia for a few weeks while on vacation. Then I came back and it all went to shit. I isolated myself for weeks and was falling apart for about the millionth time before having one of my worst panic attacks to date. I went to my family’s house for about a week and felt calm. Then as soon as I got back it all got bad again. I was really conscious of it for a while but then it just became a normal thing I do at least once a day. Until yesterday, when I didn’t have the time for it. It was so nice to feel like myself and not wrapped up in this stupid, stupid game I’m playing with myself.

And then today I did it again. Enormous b/p. I feel like shit. I feel bad saying it, but wish I was anorexic again, at least my throat wouldn’t hurt so damn bad. The WORST thing about all of it though is I know exactly what my problems are that make me do all of this and I just can’t seem to knock my habits, be it restricting or b/ping.

[Discussion] Anyone else's apartment/house/bedroom reflect their current mode?
/u/AnaTroi [5'9" | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Thu Aug 30 21:06:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bq285/anyone_elses_apartmenthousebedroom_reflect_their/
---
I'm sure this has come up before, but I'm really noticing it in myself lately. Does your living situation reflect your disorder? When I'm hardcore restricting, my apartment is immaculate. In fact, my whole life is just generally "more together.

When I'm purging and not paying close enough attention to my calories to make my obsessive brain happy, my apartment goes to hell in a handbasket.

Anyone else?

Starving, then finally eat. Then can't finish my food, start feeling naseous
/u/Paisleybabe
Created: Thu Aug 30 20:57:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bpzzz/starving_then_finally_eat_then_cant_finish_my/
---
Does anyone else relate? I don't mind it but I also don't want to waste the food / my money

How do you dial down sweetness without looking like a dweeb?
/u/MOSEDalt [5'1 | 104.2 | 19.2 | GW 84 | NB]
Created: Thu Aug 30 20:55:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bpzl8/how_do_you_dial_down_sweetness_without_looking/
---
For the most part, I stick to coffee and tea (with sugar, I'm not a monster). To stay away from desserts, I tend to lean more towards diet sodas. I'm sure all know that pop companies like to go nuts with their "100x sweeter than sugar" bullshit, and it's' way too sweet for me. How can I make it less sweet without looking like an idiot who's watering down diet sodas?

6 years away from palaces like this and now I'm back
/u/NerdyLisa
Created: Thu Aug 30 20:40:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bpw4z/6_years_away_from_palaces_like_this_and_now_im/
---
I have been healthy and eating without any disordered behavior for about 6 years. I had to go for a physical for my new job last week. I was shocked by how high my weight has gotten. I am seriously overweight, and it has sent me over the edge into a cycle of craziness in my head where all I hear is "you are fat, you are fat, you are fat" like I am talking to people but it is there "you are fat" I guess I didn't realize it because to me when I look in the mirror I look exactly the same as I always look, fat. But now the number is matching what I see, fat. Normal dieting never works for me, I hired a personal trainer a few years ago to try to change the shape of my body and maybe look leaner, and it was a constant fight, she had me on 1500 calories, I gained, she had me on 1200 calories I gained. She accused me of lying, said I had to be eating things I wasn't writing down. I told her I wouldn't stop gaining unless I was around 800 a day. I don't know any other way to get rid of weight but to restrict, maybe that is why I got so fat, I only know 2 things eat anything I want or eat nearly nothing. I don't know what I want now, I can't continue to gain and become obese, but I'm not sure I want to go the other way again, but part of me does. Part of me is like it would be fun to restrict, to play that game, to see how little I can make it through the day on and try to eat less the next day. Ugh, if you read this thanks, I just had to get it all out.

[Discussion] Stopped counting calories therefore stopped binging
/u/philoqueen [5'7 | CW: 110 | BMI: 17.2 | GW: 105 | 23F]
Created: Thu Aug 30 20:37:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bpv7j/stopped_counting_calories_therefore_stopped/
---
After an awful binge episode in the beginning of August, I deleted MFP, stopped counting calories, I stopped fasting, I stopped intentionally limiting myself to under 500 calories a day (it was always unintentional when it did happen), I ate a burger when I craved it, a muffin when I craved it, I light restricted naturally (I think?) and I walked a lot. I also stopped watching ED videos, food related videos, etc. and started going out and DOING things besides sitting at home and staring at my fridge.

It has changed my life y’all. I literally don’t want to binge, I don’t crave junk food, I don’t crave food at all in general. All because I don’t have the “I can’t have that” attitude. I’ve been trying to develop the perspective of “I CAN have that, I can have whatever food I want, but I don’t WANT that.” But I don’t beat myself up over eating something “bad” I say “lol that was bad, oh well 🤷🏻‍♀️”

And the weight (after a 3 month plateau) is melting off me absurdly fast. I weighed 108 this morning which is the lowest I’ve ever weighed.

I never thought this would work, I’m getting closer and closer to my UGW and I am STOKED.

Not implying this will or won’t work for you, but I AM implying to do what intuitively feels right and you’ll reach your goals. Forcing yourself to do something someone else does may not work for you and that’s fine.

Everyone’s mind and body really do work vastly differently. Maybe I’m dumb but I never really realized the extent until now.

i want to be fetishized
/u/backbysix
Created: Thu Aug 30 20:14:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bppph/i_want_to_be_fetishized/
---
i read about those “pro-ana coaches” who are actually predatory guys taking advantage of insecure girls, and it’s terrible, and i want it.

it could be coming from my mental illnesses, or my sexuality, or my self-loathing, or my ED, or some overlap. i can’t tell.

all i know is i never personified my ED as “ana.” i don’t personify it at all really, but if i did, it would be a man demeaning me.

i feel like i’m probably the only one like this. and i don’t want to encourage anyone to take my desire as something anyone other than me has.

i’m fucked up.

“I only eat 1000 a day, why am I so big?”
/u/lessismost
Created: Thu Aug 30 20:04:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bpn4d/i_only_eat_1000_a_day_why_am_i_so_big/
---
I wouldn’t rub it in, even in secret, even in a throw away if you didn’t keep running your mouth about it,

A bagel, cream cheese and butter. A double double. 320 plus 100 plus 100 plus 150? 650, there was no “one tablespoon” of anything on it.

Apple and heaping peanut butter? 72 plus 94 plus 94 .... 260.

Half a pizza: 920.

That’s only what I saw you eat. I know you had chips. I know you drank booze. Can you stop pretending that you are anorexic, please and have metabolism problem??! It belittles us all. And I’m not your “skinny bitch” and “lucky” friend. I’m sick. Stop it.

[Rant/Rave] I’ve binged for 3 days straight
/u/staticphat [Height: 5'3 | CW: 125 | BMI: 22.1]
Created: Thu Aug 30 19:48:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bpj2s/ive_binged_for_3_days_straight/
---
And I know I’m probably gonna overeat this weekend bc I have relatives coming over tmmrw and a family reunion and all my family likes to do is eat.

I wanna cut my stomach out :(((((

Girlfriend told me she thinks she has eating disorder
/u/Flvr_blstd_gldfsh
Created: Thu Aug 30 19:40:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bpgvb/girlfriend_told_me_she_thinks_she_has_eating/
---
She just told me that she has been occasionally making herself puke after eating; or chewing food up, tasting it, then spitting it out. She is really skinny (not like anorexic), but always says she feels fat and hates her body. It is hard for me to understand because she is clearly and obviously skinny and in shape, and it doesn't help when I reassure her. I don't know what to say or do because I don't know anything about eating disorders. any advice? Her mom is a psychologist, maybe I should tell her (even if she wasn't a psychologist that might be a good idea?).

[Discussion] IAE really open, except for this?
/u/summerservice [5'2 | 180 | -20 | 19F]
Created: Thu Aug 30 19:31:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bpeof/iae_really_open_except_for_this/
---
I don’t really keep secrets. I tell all of my friends embarrassing things about myself freely so we can laugh together. all of my misfortunes have the potential to be funny; even while I’m crying and venting I’m still cracking jokes about what happened. it makes me feel better y’know?

but I can’t be open about my ed. there’s no way. I get close - I make an iffy joke and then immediately cover it up. I comment on how high calorie a restaurant’s food is and then rush to claim it’s a cheat day, so fuck it. I exaggerate how long I’ve been on this “diet,” this new “health kick” so the weight loss doesn’t seem so sudden. I lie about having eaten earlier in the day, or if I’m at lunch I say something about saving calories for dinner. “you know how my dad’s cooking is.” all young girls diet. it’s not that weird to talk about calories or to only order diet soda or to go for hour-long walks every single day.

I can joke about being “hydrated as SHIT, dude” but I can’t joke about how those 120 ounces of water were all I put in my body in the last 36 hours. I can laugh about vertigo and how “I’ve never felt balanced at any point in my life, so jot that down,” but I can’t really be truthful about why I’m so dizzy out of nowhere and can’t walk straight sometimes.

this feels really melodramatic haha but it’s just weird to me to have something that’s a total secret. I don’t know how to feel better about it. (except by looking at r/proedmemes love that shit)

[Rant/Rave] Anxiety building up
/u/KrustyKup
Created: Thu Aug 30 19:28:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bpdvl/anxiety_building_up/
---
Feeling out of control bc I did so good restricting a couple of weeks ago that I actually started to lose my appetite for some time and then I felt the need to over eat bc people were noticing my lack of eating and now I’ve gotten my appetite back and I’m compulsively eating (somewhere in the middle of overeating and binging, more than I should eat to lose weight but not huge amounts of food like I used to). I always yearn to be in a heavy restricting phase bc I feel like I’m not he biggest failure on the planet. Gonna do OMAD tomorrow, I’m not gonna snack. MARK MY WORDS REDDIT

Body check
/u/KaitlynMK
Created: Thu Aug 30 19:24:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bpcpz/body_check/
---
http://imgur.com/M6Fbeub

[Rant/Rave] I think I'm starting to recover. Thank you to everyone on ProED, EDfood and ProEDmemes for making me feel less alone in this dark time in my life.
/u/HungryThrowMeAway [🌹4'11 | CW 98-96 lbs | GW 95 lbs | -27 lbs | F🌹]
Created: Thu Aug 30 19:04:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bp7pz/i_think_im_starting_to_recover_thank_you_to/
---
Hello to everyone here.

&#x200B;

So yes, this may be my last post for awhile.

&#x200B;

Because I'm doing better.

I don't hate myself as much as I used to.

Everyday it's getting easier to tell my insecure "you're a subhuman waste of space" thoughts to eff off.

Food is starting to become something besides just fear and dread.

&#x200B;

I feel like I matter again.

&#x200B;

Now, things are still not perfect, of course.

I still sometimes feel like less of a human being for not exercising enough.

I still don't eat enough.

I still have to watch every ding dong calorie that enters my mouth.

&#x200B;

So it's far from perfect. But it's better.

&#x200B;

Basically, I hate my body less. But, my obsessive tendencies reared their neatly arranged heads, and fixated on restriction.

BUT (And yes, I know this post has more butts than a rap music video)

I'm doing better. I went from restricting under 400 calories a day, to trying to meet 800-1000. I'm starting to feel less afraid of food, and I've started caring about myself more. I deserve to eat. I deserve to exist. Since my need to restrict is now fuelled mostly by obsession and habit surrounding the calories themselves rather than self hatred, it has become easier to eat more. I feel proud when I eat 800 calories, instead of guilty.

&#x200B;

Of course I know it won't be all sunshine and rainbows (it needs sprinkles too).

I know that I'm going to have bad days. I know I'm going to mess up. But for the first time in I-don't-know-how-long, I feel like maybe, just maybe, it'll be okay.

&#x200B;

BUT

BIG

(or small)

SMEXY

BUTT

Before I go

I want to thank everyone here.

I really needed somebody, and I had you all. I had people I could relate to, a group of people who could understand me, and what I was going through. People who weren't going to treat me like a freak, force me into a hospital ward, or tell me to eat a cheeseburger. And I really appreciate that. Outsiders like to make out this subreddit as if it causes people to develop eating disorders. Well, to them, I say that if it wasn't for ProED, I might not be starting to recover. You all helped me get through this. So thank you.

&#x200B;

Bye everyone.

(Though I will be back one more time, I still do have one last ED-related story to share, which involves getting caught in the middle of a forest by a little old lady, while pitching rotten sausages into a tree Babe Ruth style, but that's for me to type up another day when I'm less sleepy)

&#x200B;

&#x200B;

[Discussion] What kind of exercise do you do?
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | CW 120 | GW 115 | UGW 110/115 | F]
Created: Thu Aug 30 19:02:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bp77z/what_kind_of_exercise_do_you_do/
---
I tend to stick to cardio, but was wondering what else works. Just curious if you run or do weights or whatever you might do.

[Tip] Stop eating Vasaline pls
/u/0kcalHaldol
Created: Thu Aug 30 18:54:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bp59e/stop_eating_vasaline_pls/
---
Ok children and people who call themselves adults!

It’s time for your Pro-Ana/Mia Tipz! /s

Now apparently on some sites we are eating Vasaline to make the food just slip through and not absorb!

Stop this if you have started!

If you have not started then DON’T!

Think of the diarrhea!

(And to those of you who wonder about the calories, they **say** it does not absorb, however I personally am skeptical of that, I would not risk all those fatty cals myself so yea)

Have a great day you guys and stay safe!

Either eat it now or dont eat at all
/u/mabver321 [5'1 | CW 143 | GW 108| F]
Created: Thu Aug 30 18:53:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bp4wx/either_eat_it_now_or_dont_eat_at_all/
---
Did anyone else grow up in a household where it was every person for themselves? Like if any food was around the house you would have to get to it really fast or someone else would eat all of it and leave you hungry? I think thats what really started my insatiable binging.

[Rant/Rave] Omg irony 😂
/u/ruckertlieder
Created: Thu Aug 30 18:50:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bp46t/omg_irony/
---
So tomorrow at 9am I have an appointment at the local ED treatment centre. I saw them a month ago for the big 3-hour “intake”. Tomorrow they “tell me what kind of eating disorder, if any” I have. Great. Yay.

I am 36, been like this since I was 14. Mostly phases of purging and restriction, but once every few months I add laxatives to the mix because...fuck me, I guess.

I got home tonight from work after another 12 hour work day in a month of 12 hour work days and suddenly the morning laxatives hit. And I ran to the bathroom.

But not fast enough.

I shat myself the night before an appointment where they’re going to tell me if I have an eating disorder. 😂

It shouldn’t be funny because wtf. But also lol.

And I cleaned up, started a load of laundry, and then hopped on my three scales to see if it made a difference.

It did, on all 3 scales.

And now I’m sitting on my bleached bathroom bathroom floor (just in case) wondering if I should take more because I’m really afraid I’m going to show up tomorrow and weigh the same as I did when they weighed me a month ago and they’ll decide I’m not sick and it took me so long to get to the point of wanting to get help....but maybe I’ll show up and they’ll tell me I’m really sick and force me to get help and I’ll have to take time off work and people will know and...

So. Share your worst/grossest ED moments or your night before treatment stories please?

I’m so terrified.

[Rant/Rave] Ode to Vitamin Water Zero
/u/angelic-rose [🌹 19F | 5’6 | 127 | 20.41 | GW1 120]
Created: Thu Aug 30 18:34:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bozym/ode_to_vitamin_water_zero/
---
I skipped dinner bc I only had 200 calories left for the day, which is fine bc I only had cravings anyways. I went to my campus convenience store to buy other stuff (probs binge food) and finally found that they sell a 0-cal drink.

It’s refreshing. It’s loaded with vitamins. It looks pretty. It’s free under my meal plan. Best of all...it’s 0 calories. Bless up.

I hope y’all are having a good night.

[Rant/Rave] My weight loss was noticed. [RAVE]
/u/NachoVodka
Created: Thu Aug 30 18:33:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bozo7/my_weight_loss_was_noticed_rave/
---
My girl crush was taken aback when she saw me, last weekend. While she didn't specifically comment on my weight loss, the look on her face showed that she noticed it.

This has only encouraged me to keep doing what I'm doing.


[Discussion] Is anyone else seriously embarrassed with how they used to look?
/u/acrsita
Created: Thu Aug 30 18:32:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bozbs/is_anyone_else_seriously_embarrassed_with_how/
---
I've taken way more pictures of myself while I've been suffering from an eating disorder, so it's a good tool to validate my weight loss to myself. I have real troubles with memory, I don't even really know when or why my eating disorder relapsed (though it was this year) so I can never go off of memory alone to truly believe I'm skinnier. I just use bodychecks and other people's concern.

But today I was going through my camera roll, to last year when I was truly recovered and carefree about food. There were a few casual pictures of me on there, and

Oh.

My.

God.

I know objectively I wasn't 'fat'? I was chubby at most. But HOW was I okay with that? HOOOWWW could I leave the house with those arms on show?? It genuinely makes me never want to recover, because I know I'll get back into old (normal) habits, and I know I'll look like that again. I was at most around 8kg heavier, but it's ridiculous how ashamed I am of those pictures.

Another thing, I had a boyfriend at that weight! Twice! How could anyone genuinely be attracted to that? It embarrasses the hell out of me that that's the me they must remember. It just makes me so, so incredibly ashamed to have even, existed at that size.

It makes this hell feel worth it, somehow. Or at least it does right now.

Bulimia makes me feel disgusting
/u/ribcage666 [5'8.5" | bmi 21.2 | -62 lbs | F 🌿]
Created: Thu Aug 30 18:21:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bowom/bulimia_makes_me_feel_disgusting/
---
I've been 120 lbs and I've been 220 lbs. I gained 20 lbs recently and I live in constant fear of bingeing until I reach my high weight again. I know I don't look bad but I know I'm fat and I constantly worry that my bf will think I'm fat and leave me, or the people around me will think I've let myself go.

It doesnt help that I do still binge maybe once a week. I find that I'm my most stable when I eat regular vegan/wholefood meals but after bingeing my natural compulsion is to purge and starve the next day. But I know that cycle only makes me sick and sad and doesnt even result in weight loss. I'm trying to recover and that cycle won't help anything.

So now I'm sitting here after lowkey bingeing (a buddha bowl, tofu "chicken nuggets" with dip+coleslaw, 3/4 a pan of no bake squares and a slice of vegan cheesecake. Everything inside of me says to purge, I feel so disgustingly full. I don't want to purge. I'll look even fatter tomorrow from water weight and swollen glands. But I can't be fat again. Fuck

All I want is to be thin. All I want is to be small. I feel so fucking lost.

If anyone has kind words or wisdom to share I could use it :(



Fuck it.
/u/taikutsuu [5'9'' | cw: 120 | 17.2 bmi | gw: 110 | 18f]
Created: Thu Aug 30 18:20:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bowj6/fuck_it/
---
I'm at my lowest weight ever. I wear a smaller pants size than my 14 year old sister, I weigh less than her, at over 10 cm taller. These past few months have been utter hell.

This won't be the first time I'm trying, and it will certainly not be the last, but I'm getting sushi tomorrow. Fuck calories. Fuck anorexia. Awful shit like eating disorders deserve to be fought, and to be defeated. I'm going to kick Ana's ass.

[Discussion] DAE feel a compulsive need to do shitty pro-ana diets?
/u/tseokii [BMI 19.8 | 19F]
Created: Thu Aug 30 18:14:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bouuv/dae_feel_a_compulsive_need_to_do_shitty_proana/
---
hi i think this is the first time i've ever made a thread on reddit.
i saw these shitty restrictive diets floating around on pro-ana tumblr when i first started developing ED behaviors but i never did them. OR i never stuck to them longer than a day and gave up

but at some point i saw a couple and they just- they're stuck to me. i have to succeed. i have to live on tea and apples and rice cakes because that's what a stupid image on the internet suggested to me.

i don't know. i think it might be a more OCD thing than an ED thing but the idea won't leave me alone, no matter how many times i fail.
i want to lose weight. it's important to me. but this isn't the best way to lose weight. this is a terrible way to lose weight. but i have to.

probably no one can relate so please just leave me some encouragement haha

[Rant/Rave] My stepdad only made enough food for himself
/u/Doctordoomduck
Created: Thu Aug 30 17:58:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9boqqc/my_stepdad_only_made_enough_food_for_himself/
---
It’s not that I would have eaten anyway, but he made deep fried shrimp and a small bowl of buttered asparagus. Only enough for himself so neither I or my mom can enjoy any of it. It pisses me off, both of us were home and I would have been so easy to just double the recipe so we all could have eaten.

Now I want to go out and bring back food just to spite him. Buy my mom a steak or something.

I think my boss found my reddit account
/u/sagittorius
Created: Thu Aug 30 17:58:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9boqnb/i_think_my_boss_found_my_reddit_account/
---
You guys...

I posted a thread in a sub pertaining to my line of work about my perceived failure in my position at my company, asking for advice from experienced internet strangers in my field. My complaints were general enough, though specific to my situation, and I didn’t divulge my location, but I did mention my role in the company and that I feel like I’m not receiving any mentoring - plus some info about my length of time in my role & my output stats.

Soooooo, today my boss spent 5 hours mentoring me and addressed like 100% of the concerns outlined in my thread. If I were a normal person I would be stoked that my boss cares about me and doesn’t consider me an incompetent fuck-up.

But I’m not normal. I’m a woman with an eating disorder.

Throughout the mentoring session I made small comments about how I feel incompetent and may have apologized profusely for my lack of results. At the end of the day he told me that he has never thought that I’m incompetent and I responded that I just engage in a lot of self-talk, to which he replied “Yeah, I’ve noticed.”

If he saw the post in the other sub, he probably clicked on my account and read all of my other posts and comments, many/most of which are in the proEd community.

Plus side: our mentoring session allowed me to skip lunch 🤗

Even if this is all in my mind, I feel like a piece of shit. I’ve been purging at work (in the women’s bathroom on our floor that I share with 2 women from other companies), and amazing boss brought in fizzy electrolyte supplements, which I hope is purely coincidental.

HOW CAN HE KNOW?!?! 😳😭😖😭😭



Dr. Is threatening hospitalization
/u/edcody729
Created: Thu Aug 30 17:57:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9boqf4/dr_is_threatening_hospitalization/
---
So I've been really honest with my doc lately as I do want to get better, but in the last month I have lost 16 pounds. Because of this my doctor is threatening to send me to the hospital if I don't maintain my weight by my next appointment. I don't think it's possible to maintain right now. I'd have to increase my calories by over 1000 and I just can't do that all at once. I'm not underweight at this point. I'm 5'1 and 113 lbs the only thing that was off on my bloodwork was that my glucose was low. Can he force me into the hospital without my consent if I'm not really sick?

[Rant/Rave] I’m petty, and I get jealous that more people comment on my boyfriend’s weight loss than mine.
/u/chezpajama
Created: Thu Aug 30 17:56:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9boqcy/im_petty_and_i_get_jealous_that_more_people/
---
So my boyfriend has lost a lot of weight since we got together. He was 5’10 and around 210, and now he’s around 180.

To clarify, I’m not putting my ED logic on him. I cook 90% of our meals and they’re pretty healthy and I give him normal portions. Sometimes I even make him utter junk [like this](https://instagram.com/p/BjiNbErA1Om/) as a treat.

We’ve actually lost about the same amount of weight, albeit mine has been in 3 months vs almost a year for him. But his just looks so much more dramatic. He gets compliments on it constantly.

I’ve gotten compliments / remarks too, even from other women (the best) but rarely.

My ex husband and I are close friends and he always mentions I look thinner when we get together for lunch. Sometimes it feels like he’s the only person close to me who notices.

I feel shitty and vain because I want people to praise me for my weight loss.

Does soda make you more flabby?
/u/finnkat [5'3 | 90lbs | 16.4 | 19f]
Created: Thu Aug 30 17:41:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9boma9/does_soda_make_you_more_flabby/
---
I live off of diet soda. Last I weighed I was 92lbs but I have such a flabby tummy and thighs. If I cut out soda and replaced it with water and caffine pills would that help me get a flatter stomach, or does that have more to do with exercise than with diet?

[Rant/Rave] Leave my artificial sweeteners alone
/u/lilmdjd [5'3 | CW: 135 | LW: 95 | GW 115 | 23F]
Created: Thu Aug 30 17:36:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bol4m/leave_my_artificial_sweeteners_alone/
---
I am SO SICK of the Keto/fitness/diet community bashing on artificial sweeteners and babbling about the nuances and GI and insulin effects of maltodextrin or stevia or whatever. I DO NOT CARE. Let me have this one pleasure in life. Crystal light is not gonna “stall me” or “kick me out of Keto” if I’m fasting or eating 900 calories a day. It’s like the one thing I’m not afraid of is being threatened and LISTEN I am ready to go to war for it.

[Help] Hair loss
/u/crankyhedgiebutt
Created: Thu Aug 30 17:23:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bohhs/hair_loss/
---
I’ve noticed my hair is at its thinnest it’s ever been, it’s scary thin. I guess it’s from stress/ restriction. I’ve read that your hair growth is two or three months behind on reacting to nutrition. This summer I ate mainly celery, carrots, cucumbers, and spinach with only a little chicken. So maybe that’s it? What should I do? I’ve started multivitamins and biotin gummies. As well as probiotics.



I’ve been eating 700 calories a day for a couple weeks now is that too high?
/u/beeeleave
Created: Thu Aug 30 17:15:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bof0h/ive_been_eating_700_calories_a_day_for_a_couple/
---


[Other] Someone tell my stomach to shut it.
/u/ohdarlingyourefucked
Created: Thu Aug 30 17:12:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9boe9u/someone_tell_my_stomach_to_shut_it/
---
*stomach growls*

Me: “Really? I just fed you a filling 200cal dinner...”

*growls again*

Me: “You’re not hungry, just fat.”

[Other] Oh no!
/u/NovANDP [5'4" | 166 lb | 28.5 | 15 lb | Trying]
Created: Thu Aug 30 17:10:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bodno/oh_no/
---
https://i.redd.it/019s60mnbbj11.png

Some days I feel like I'm just a walking life support system for my giant ass
/u/asunshinefix
Created: Thu Aug 30 16:41:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bo5l9/some_days_i_feel_like_im_just_a_walking_life/
---
I had to buy pants today and it only confirmed what I already knew. Fuck pants. Fuck having a body honestly. I just want to float around as a disembodied assless consciousness.

I don’t want your god damn muffins
/u/BladderPatrol
Created: Thu Aug 30 16:30:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bo330/i_dont_want_your_god_damn_muffins/
---
My semi-boss is always baking things to make herself feel good and then she brings them in to share with everyone. Everyone at work thinks it’s the sweetest thing but EVERY time I feel so awkward because I never take them. Once she baked a cake and expected everyone to take a huge slice for breakfast!!! (I took one and discretely threw it away later) I always refuse what she makes as politely as possible (I just ate, I don’t eat sugar, sugar this early will upset my stomach, etc) but she never seems to grasp what it boils down to: I don’t want your god damn muffins.

[Other] Checking out other people at the gym...
/u/Brookie696
Created: Thu Aug 30 16:19:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bo0kp/checking_out_other_people_at_the_gym/
---
DAE look at people at the gym with more muscle/ booty/ weight in general, and you’re like I wish I could look like that. And like literally everyone checks them out. But when you look at yourself all you can see is way too much fat??? Like even if you’re the skinniest person I the gym or even slightly underweight??? I hate that I feel like I could never carry my weight like these girls. Idk.

[Discussion] Feeling okay!
/u/softdyke
Created: Thu Aug 30 16:03:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bnx18/feeling_okay/
---
Hello I am happy and am just about to have a cup of tea and have managed not to eat today I hope u are all good!

[Help] You guys please help. I was purging and really hurt the back of my throat.
/u/missyou0111
Created: Thu Aug 30 14:57:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bnh1x/you_guys_please_help_i_was_purging_and_really/
---
The back of my throat / esophagus really hurts, with some inflammation and maybe a little blood.
I know I should be okay, just need to rest my throat, but please I need words of reassurance. Tell me I’m gonna be okay.

[Rant/Rave] I was genuinely happy today
/u/ash_alah
Created: Thu Aug 30 14:56:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bngpw/i_was_genuinely_happy_today/
---
So last week i got an email from spotify with an invitation to hang out with pretty much my favourite artist ever while he‘s practicing with his band for his upcoming tour. It was today and there were only like 20 ppl and its amazing that i was one of them. He complimented my hair and i got a pic with him(i look fat but i dont even care). There was food but i didnt touch it. Im doing so well with restricting, i bought new jeans on monday and tbh i couldve gotten them one size smaller and idk i just had to share this with u. I dont know the last time i was genuinely happy but i was today and im really glad

Gained 5 pounds in a week. This is me dealing
/u/KatIsFab [157 cm | HW: 64 | CW: 56.40 | BMI: 22.88 | GW: 55 | F |]
Created: Thu Aug 30 14:54:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bng7l/gained_5_pounds_in_a_week_this_is_me_dealing/
---
https://i.redd.it/0ojw7nzcnaj11.jpg

[Goal] I just fit into another piece of goal clothing 😍
/u/lunasouseiseki [180cm | 77kg | 23.8 | -10kg | F:snoo_shrug:]
Created: Thu Aug 30 14:53:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bng4n/i_just_fit_into_another_piece_of_goal_clothing/
---
I've had this business skirt in my wardrobe for...I'll say four years...that I never wore because it was too small. Like too small to zip up. But now it fits and I'm so freaking pleased with myself and this proves that everything is worth it and sometimes you are the winner 🏆

What is it you do to avoid eating out of boredom? Activities, rituals, what do you do?
/u/sundown73
Created: Thu Aug 30 14:45:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bndxf/what_is_it_you_do_to_avoid_eating_out_of_boredom/
---


It doesn't matter if a food is "so filling" because when I'm in binge mode I continue to eat even when my tummy is beyond full and painful.
/u/FIREAccountOnly
Created: Thu Aug 30 14:43:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bnd5t/it_doesnt_matter_if_a_food_is_so_filling_because/
---
"So filling" things only help if your binging isn't emotional. When I'm binging I eat "filling" foods. Doesn't help when I just want to shove anything in my mouth. I eat things that don't even taste good, then I figure, since I'm already in a binge, I might as well eat food that does taste good. Then the salty/sweet cycle starts. And it usually ends with me trying to eat something "healthy" to make up for it while knowing I should just fucking stop eating. My tummy was full halfway through this... My dumb ass kept eating anyway 🤦🏻‍♀️

[Rant/Rave] my boobs :(
/u/pringlesbutthole [6’0|CW:118|BMI:16|20]
Created: Thu Aug 30 14:41:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bncrw/my_boobs/
---
My tits are like GONE they’ve shrunk so much during this relapse :’( Even at my lowest weight of 113 I was like a 30 DD-DDD now at 118 I’m probably around a small C cup and I’m so mad!! I don’t have a booty so I‘be been counting on my boobs to get me by and now I don’t even have any! My ex said I looked like an anime girl bc they were so disproportionate from the rest of my body lmaooo I’m just really bummed out tbh. Out of everything, including hair falling out and my skin turning to shit this is the biggest downside tbh :’(( rest in peace to my boobs </3 until we meet again ...

[Rant/Rave] So Far In That My Disorder Feels Normal
/u/Hippiethecat124
Created: Thu Aug 30 14:19:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bn60g/so_far_in_that_my_disorder_feels_normal/
---
I've been struggling with self-loathing, garbage body image, and a terrible relationship with food since I was really young. I remember having to draw/describe myself for a class project when I was about 9 and describing myself as "chubby." I've never been clinically obese, but I've almost always been overweight.


The past few years I started reading more and more about eating disorders and found that its symptoms fit almost verbatim with what goes through my mind everyday. Counting calories, skipping meals, trying to exercise until I feel like I'm going pass out, crying for hours and triggering a depressive episode after shopping for school clothes and feeling like a whale... It's been such a regular part of my life that I have a hard time thinking of it as a disorder and not just how I am - how I'm supposed to be.


And even in the face of hard science, knowing that 1,000 calories or under a day is technically bordering on starvation, I count them religiously. *I can't eat that bread, it'll put me over too much.* *Can I eat dinner tonight? Did those chips put me over?* I feel like I can't eat the recommended 2,000 cals a day because my body won't process it correctly and I'll gain weight. I see pictures of chubby girls and while I say to them and think to myself that they're brave and bold and beautiful, I see the dimples on my thighs and the fat on my stomach and want to cut it all off.


This is my first post here, and I haven't really talked to anyone about it. People in my life know I have a bad self-image, but they refuse to call it an ED, especially since I'm still overweight. I don't know if anyone will read this, and I hope it doesn't upset or trigger bad feelings for anyone. I just needed to vent about a daily struggle that I feel like no one in my life truly comprehends.

Just binged.
/u/elsacouchnaps
Created: Thu Aug 30 14:05:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bn1l5/just_binged/
---
Ugh, I feel like shit. It always happens so quick. I raided the vending machine at work...ate roughly 2000 calories in 20 minutes. Fuck. I hate this life. Please let me be strong enough to avoid eating anything else for the rest of the night. I’m going to take my dog for at least an hour long walk later tonight to help burn some extra calories. But I know I’m going to fucking gain. Ughhh. Hope everyone else is having a better day!

[Discussion] DAE want to get sicker?
/u/sun_divine [5'3" | CW 105 | GW under 100 | TM]
Created: Thu Aug 30 13:13:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bmlig/dae_want_to_get_sicker/
---
I'm pretty close.. if I lose like 10 more pounds my BMI will be about 17 and I guess I'll be a "real anorexic" then. I want my period to stop and I want my hair to fall out and I want to pass out in the middle of class.

I guess maybe I just want people to recognize how badly I'm hurting instead of congratulating me on being borderline underweight? I dunno. I've never really talked about this.

[Discussion] Friend ignored me during school open house and i was hit with a reality
/u/eighttorches [5'2 | 15 from goal | F]
Created: Thu Aug 30 13:07:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bmjj1/friend_ignored_me_during_school_open_house_and_i/
---
I've lost all my friends to depression and my ed. It just motivates me to keep going deeper into it so maybe ive been subconsciously wanting this my whole time, but my eating disorder is my only real friend now. Ive been ghosting everyone for so long im sure nobody cares anynore. Maybe if i look sick enough ill have an excuse and they'll feel sorry and want to talk to me again. God im so fucked up. Does anyone else here have no friends? The loneliness is catching up to me and i want to know if anyone else can relate. Sorry.

[Rant/Rave] I thought clothing sizes didn't bother me :D:D they do
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2 | 152 | Aiming for 146 by 9/25 | -10 Lost | f21]
Created: Thu Aug 30 13:00:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bmhc8/i_thought_clothing_sizes_didnt_bother_me_dd_they/
---
Birthday is going o.k, Except one of the things I got was a pair of pants. I rarely buy clothes, much less pants so I barely know sizing

My mom was like "I know you were size 12 but you lost weight over the summer so I got you 8s!" They just BARELY fit me, I just remember being a size 2 a couple years ago :/. At the very least they're super nice and I guess I have cute mustard pants to wear while I'm losing weight.

I also got a japanese sewing book and damn those sizes are TINY. I'm just feeling so giant right now It's pretty crumby.

even if i gained 10 pounds i would still be underweight
/u/duskedfur [5'7"|CW: 107|16.7|UGW: 103|F]
Created: Thu Aug 30 12:56:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bmg7a/even_if_i_gained_10_pounds_i_would_still_be/
---
so why can't i just eat the 70 cal pack of tuna i planned today?

It's getting bad again, boys.
/u/Atsugaruru [4"10 | CW : 126 | 20F]
Created: Thu Aug 30 12:53:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bmfc6/its_getting_bad_again_boys/
---
CW: This might be a little gross and unsanitary, but I feel like if anyone will understand what I'm going through, it's you guys.

I'm stupid and this morning at 5 am I triggered myself. I skipped class and bought a baguette that was over a foot long to binge on. A little over halfway into the binge I was like "Hey... I don't have to do this." and put the rest of the baguette into the garbage. I've been known to eat food out of the garbage before, so I made sure to put it on top of one of my dog's pee pads to make sure I wouldn't be tempted.

But guess what? I didn't care that it was contaminated with my dog's pee, I *needed* to binge. I started crying and almost ate the pee bread. So I poured a liquid cleaner onto the baguette to make sure I wouldn't eat it. And I cried some more because I *still* wanted to eat it.

Any normal person would be disgusted at just the thought of eating food out of the garbage, let alone food smeared with dog piss. I feel so stupid and crazy. I hate being like this.

[Goal] Wow, I decided I was going to do it for sure this time and I guess I wasn’t lying. I can’t believe I actually completed a 24+ hour fast.
/u/IsAFailure [~5'6 | Last known weight: 107~]
Created: Thu Aug 30 12:29:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bm7hx/wow_i_decided_i_was_going_to_do_it_for_sure_this/
---
I just broke it at 36~ hours with 3 shrimp, green beans, a hush puppy, and some batter crumbs at around 430~cal. Now I’ve got plenty of room to stay under 1,000 at dinner and probably start another fast tomorrow.

I guess weighing in at 117 Monday night screwed with me enough.

[Rant/Rave] I'll never look normal
/u/escapecord
Created: Thu Aug 30 12:27:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bm74m/ill_never_look_normal/
---
I was obese in childhood and around 200 lbs at my highest weight. I remember being yelled at from cars driving past "you're the fattest person I've ever seen" and "join a gym fatty". My cw is 118 and I genuinely look like the Pale Man from Pan's Labrynth. I doubt I'll ever be able to afford the extensive surgery needed to fix my saggy disgusting body. I have the breasts of an old woman, I can gather my stomach in my hands, there's a flaps of skin hanging from my upper arms. My body is so confusing and disproportionate that my ex literally thought I was still obese. I will literally never look skinny. I completely missed out on being pretty because of decisions I made as a child. :') When I'm clothed I get described as tiny, and petite. Ha! I'm not a skinny person I'm a fat person who lost weight. Once someone saw my chest and asked "what happened".

Anyone else start from a high weight without being prepared for the excess skin?

[Help] Are there any “restricting” weight loss estimators on the web?
/u/ineedalifeee
Created: Thu Aug 30 12:24:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bm64j/are_there_any_restricting_weight_loss_estimators/
---
Like, I would like to calculate how long it’d take to lose 10 lbs, averaging 700-800cals a day and being sedentary. All the ones I tried kept saying under 1200 is too unhealthy :(

[Tip] Chilli sauce when you want to binge.
/u/rattles-snakes
Created: Thu Aug 30 12:22:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bm5ay/chilli_sauce_when_you_want_to_binge/
---
I read about this one online. I don't have much of a stomach for spice but just tried it and wont be eating anything but ice tonight.

[Rant/Rave] Saggy Pants
/u/2worried2care [5'6" | CW 122.4 lb | BMI 19.8| 26F]
Created: Thu Aug 30 12:20:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bm4ua/saggy_pants/
---
I’ve been going to school full-time for the past year and haven’t been able to work very much because of it. School is coming to an end so I’m working 3 days this week. This morning I tried to put on 5 different pairs of work pants and every single one was so big that they sagged off me. I haven’t really noticed this with any of my jeans, probably because skinny jeans are so clingy anyway, so I was really shocked. I ended up wearing a pair anyway because I couldn’t find anything else and several people have noticed. It’s exciting but also annoying because I definitely can’t afford to buy new work clothes right now so I don’t know how I’m going to make this work.

Then I went to Target to buy a pair of shorts because I’m going out later and I fit into a size 0! That hasn’t happened in YEARS and I’m sure the sizing is weird because I’m definitely not that small but there was still something exciting about it.

I gained 10 lb while on vacation
/u/ButterflyThin [66" | 177 | 28.68 | -73 | F]
Created: Thu Aug 30 12:02:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9blz60/i_gained_10_lb_while_on_vacation/
---
I know I can't have gained 10lb really but the weight just will not come off. I was 175 when I left and the scale refuses to budge under 181. I was only gone for 5 days and averaged about 2700 calories a day (which is a ton but not 10 lb over 5 days). I've been home for 3 days and the scale keeps fluctuating between 185 and 181 and it is making me crazy.

Opportunity to work out at work! Advice?
/u/PM_ME_BrusselSprouts [5'3" | CW: 165 | BMI: 30.0 | 33, F]
Created: Thu Aug 30 11:05:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9blgj1/opportunity_to_work_out_at_work_advice/
---
I work alone and usually have about 20-40 minutes several times a day where I can work out. I am already dirty and sweaty from work and in exercise clothes (more or less). I have 60 lbs to lose and my thighs are enormous so I tend not to want to run/do squats which has bulked them in the past. I can bring any small equipment I need (yoga mat, dumbbells), I have access to outside stairs, some room outside (on good days), mostly just a 10x7 dirty room. Watching YT videos would be hard (but I could memorize them?), a DVD situation could be possible, a book would be fine.

I don't eat until about 10 hours into my shift (I do IF) and so I don't want to get too hungry. I have worked out fasted before and I believe it leads to quicker fat loss, but anything too strenuous and I do get pretty hungry.

tl;dr: Need a quick, simple 20 minute workout for fatloss that won't make me hungry.

So tempted to start purging - help!
/u/alysiakw
Created: Thu Aug 30 10:57:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ble1m/so_tempted_to_start_purging_help/
---
I'm not a purger. Strictly restriction/fasting- I'm on hour 42 of a fast now, no problem. But I'm visiting my mom this weekend. My mom, who shows love with food. Who will be watching me like a hawk to see if I eat, to see what I eat, and when and how much. I'm doing so well losing weight... so, so well. But I feel like this weekend I'll be forced into a backslide. And my dumb ED brain keeps telling me that I can eat in front of my mom and then just get rid of it all. Other people do it all the time, why not me?

I don't know why I'm posting this. I just feel really overwhelmed and I don't want to slip further down this rabbit hole. Help?

Anyone else always sick?
/u/SkinnyisSexy [5'7.6 |128.4|gw115|19.6| F]
Created: Thu Aug 30 10:52:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9blcbo/anyone_else_always_sick/
---
I used to get sick a lot when I was in h/s (peak of my disorder) well I've relapsed off and on since then and i noticed whenever I'm restricting or fasting, I'm constantly sick. The past three days i had a tickle throat and slight cough, but now I'm full blown sneezing, sniffling, and all around dying. I am scared to take vitamins because usually if i dont eat with them I'll throw up. Idk if its stress, or if i could be deficient after only 2 weeks of relapse. Oh well, i have no appetite right now. Fasting motivation it is, nothing but water and powerade zero.

Just Gonna Leave This Here and Feel More Guilt
/u/MrsBluebeard [5'4" | 96 lbs. | 16.8 | UGW- 90 lbs. | Bee]
Created: Thu Aug 30 10:48:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9blb39/just_gonna_leave_this_here_and_feel_more_guilt/
---
https://i.redd.it/l10pmn8ot6j11.png

[Discussion] DAE get high key triggered by junk food?
/u/happy_but_unhappy [5'9 |CW 118.8 | 17.5 | GW 110]
Created: Thu Aug 30 10:41:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bl8z0/dae_get_high_key_triggered_by_junk_food/
---
Recently I've been getting so triggered from junk food (doesn't stop me from eating it though does it eugh). Like my anxiety goes through the roof looking at it.. smelling it... eating it? Or watching those tv shows of obese people eating junk? It makes me want to be sick it makes me so damn upset? Please tell me I'm not alone

[Rant/Rave] *sad whale noises"
/u/throwaway002300 [25F | 5’3 | CW 102 | BMI 18 | GW ???]
Created: Thu Aug 30 10:36:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bl7dl/sad_whale_noises/
---
I'm so disappointed in myself y'all. This time last year I was breaking goal weights, losing like crazy and had total control over what went into my body. Now I'm sleep walking and eating whole jars of peanut butter, or b/ping without planning ahead; I'm eating during the day and some days I'm lax on counting calories. Sometimes I even eat and don't purge afterward.

What. The. Eff. Where has my motivation gone? I have to wear a swimsuit like every weekend for some reason or other, plus we are going on a week long cruise for our anniversary in October. This is not okay!

I need to get my shit back together soon, my rigidity to all these crazy rules was the only thing to help me succeed. I need to just suck it up and get back on it before I gain any more weight.

Sorry for the rant I just had to get this off my chest and hold myself accountable for sabotaging all the hard work I accomplished, just to throw it away right when I need to look my absolute best...I'm just super frustrated and I feel like a gross whale.

For my fellow drunkorexics
/u/MistrrrOrgasmo [5'9" | HW: 191lbs | CW: 168lbs | GW: 135 lbs | BMI: 25 | 22F]
Created: Thu Aug 30 10:27:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bl4j4/for_my_fellow_drunkorexics/
---
https://i.redd.it/tptlt20ub9j11.jpg

Error at the juice shop
/u/Amoryed
Created: Thu Aug 30 10:10:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bkyzi/error_at_the_juice_shop/
---
So what I usually do when I want to semi fast for 3 days is I’ll get this pack of 7 juices (for $40) that are meant for a one day cleanse and drink them over 3 days right

I ordered it on Grubhub for pickup and the cashier was getting like three bags of cleanses for what I assumed were different customers

I told them what my order was and picked up just one of the bags and thanked them but then they were like “all of them are yours”

So i said oh ok thanks and left absentmindedly but I didn’t realize until like 3 seconds later that I have 2x the amount now and i can fast for even longer !!

thank you juice shop for fueling my ed habits lmao


https://cdn.pbrd.co/images/HBAz4kP.jpg

Benefits of the Occasional 'Binge'
/u/funnyhappygirl123
Created: Thu Aug 30 09:58:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bkv64/benefits_of_the_occasional_binge/
---
Hi all! I've been restricting for a while (dropped 10 pounds in over a month), but was recently alarmed by my lack of bowel movements (TMI, sorry!). So this Tuesday, I decided to eat 'normally'. Well, normally kinda turned into a binge; I ate way over my TDEE, but it was all healthy, good stuff (eggs, wheat toast, rice, fish, pistachio biscuits, dried fruits/nuts, dark chocolate). I then heavily restricted yesterday (around 300 calories). I didn't weigh myself yesterday out of fear, but weighed myself today morning--and I actually dropped some weight! So here are the benefits of an occasional binge:

1. It actually does break a weight loss plateau--I had been stuck at the same weight for a while, but think that my metabolism is finally speeding up
2. I had a couple bowel movements--which is great, because I lost weight through that, too
3. My parents saw me eat more than them, so if they see me losing weight they won't blame my ED
4. I got most of my healthier cravings out of the way.

Let me know what you all think!

[Rant/Rave] New boy, new triggers
/u/jmiles00
Created: Thu Aug 30 09:43:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bkqfh/new_boy_new_triggers/
---
I've recently started seeing a guy who's a lot- I would estimate 25-ish lbs smaller than me. He's all collar bones and hip bones and everything I want to be. I've never been with someone smaller than me and as if sex/being naked/being vulnerable with someone else wasn't already difficult ENOUGH as it is, now I get to be reminded of what a fucking mammoth I am anytime I see him. Should I just try to use this as the ultimate irl thinspo??

Can you tone your arms in 2 weeks for a strapless dress?
/u/29THD03Z
Created: Thu Aug 30 09:23:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bkk9m/can_you_tone_your_arms_in_2_weeks_for_a_strapless/
---
Asking here cause you guys suprisingly seem to be the most open minded and educated about health and fitness ( so ironic ) . I dont have REALLY bad arm flab, just the regular 170lbs little doughy by the tricep kinda problem?

Rewarding yourself for GWs?
/u/jmiles00
Created: Thu Aug 30 09:16:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bki0y/rewarding_yourself_for_gws/
---
I'm curious as to if anyone else has little rewards for themselves assigned to their goals. Mine are:
GW1: New pair of chucks
GW2: I can redye my hair
GW3: Get my next tattoo
I guess I'll come up with more as my goals get smaller and smaller....

So unless I feel like I'm dying, I'm a failure wtf ED???
/u/Bookeisha [182 cm | 57.3 kg | BMI 17.3 | M ]
Created: Thu Aug 30 09:14:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bkhh4/so_unless_i_feel_like_im_dying_im_a_failure_wtf_ed/
---
Day 3 of eating at maintenance because you know my heart does weird shit and my body can only take so much abuse for so long

However the bloatness I'm experiencing is seriously making me dysphoric. I can just feel all the water I'm retaining and I hate it so much

[Rant/Rave] DAE feel sad when they’re lighter than their license weight?
/u/EDthrowaway8888 [5'6 | 142 | 22.9 | -24 | F]
Created: Thu Aug 30 08:55:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bkbpv/dae_feel_sad_when_theyre_lighter_than_their/
---
I mean, it’s obvious a great thing, but I’m now 27ish lbs lighter than my license weight and that fucker is going to be immortalized until 2026. FML.

[Rant/Rave] Korean Noraebang (노래방) is where you find me alone scream crying and singing to Skinny Love. Sometimes the social stigma is too much for me here and I moved here after years of BED and purging. My recovery is in shambles.
/u/ueno_stn_54 [5'3|CW220|GW140|N/A|23F]
Created: Thu Aug 30 08:32:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bk4la/korean_noraebang_노래방_is_where_you_find_me_alone/
---
https://i.redd.it/8iuhhshbr8j11.jpg

[Discussion] What's your September resolution?
/u/audreyhepburnwho [25F | 5'8 | cw 159 | hw 196 | sw 172 | lw 150 | ugw 145]
Created: Thu Aug 30 08:26:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bk2qj/whats_your_september_resolution/
---
They say it takes 21 days to break or create a habit. For pisses of shit like me im gonna go ahead and round that up to a month.

I am not bingeing this month, i sweat on my damn life.

Things you do because of your ED that others would be confused by
/u/lexielou48 [5'9 | 125 |BMI: 18 | F]
Created: Thu Aug 30 08:16:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bjzsx/things_you_do_because_of_your_ed_that_others/
---
For me it's my roommates hearing my shower turn on at random times throughout the day because I'm busy purging

Counting out things one by one like chips or nuts for portion control instead of just grabbing a handful

Spending hours grocery shopping while comparing nutrition labels and constantly putting food back on the shelves and swapping for something else

Risking skin cancer and tanning because it makes you look thinner

Alternatively, loving your pale sickly skin and accentuating it with even paler makeup and using makeup to draw attention to your under eye circles and hollow cheeks.

Youtube playlist being: Thin documentary, Skinny Love by Bon Iver, My 600lb life, Mukbangs, Dr. Phil talks to anorexic twins, supersize v superskinny, yoga tutorials, 4st 7lb, Eugenia Cooney, and what i eat in a day videos.

Eating and drinking everything out of oversized mugs so that your hands/body looks very smol in comparison

Wearing big shoes/boots and an oversized shirt with tight leggings to make legs look thinner

"binging" on foods like Halo Top and Quest bars

Having an account on Myproana

Reasearching Mila Kunis' Black Swan diet and being insanely jealous

Porn search history: Very skinny girl gets fucked hard

Meeting someone irl with an ED and weirdly being competitive about who is more messed up

Feeling hungry so taking a nap to avoid eating

Secretly loving it when someone asks you to please eat something because it means they have noticed you not eating, even though them asking you isn't going to actually make you eat

Having fear foods

Being very skeptical of the FDA and how they label foods for calories

Weighing yourself at least 5 times a day and being insanely happy when you lose a pound and wanting to jump off a cliff when you gain a pound


Conflicted because you want to buy your clothes in XS or S because they'll fit you and that makes you proud,but also wanting to buy clothes in a L or XL because it will be baggy on you, thus making you look smaller

----> Y'all are amazing and I hope that each of you have a wonderful day and find new ways to love and appreciate yourself.

You're not alone <3



[Other] Until we meet again...
/u/KattyWampus666 [:karma:163cm | SW: 123kg CW: 93kg GW: ? | 27F:karma:]
Created: Thu Aug 30 08:15:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bjzig/until_we_meet_again/
---
Hey folks.

Im giving recovery a real shot this time. Im terrified of passing this ED demon on to my daughter. With therapy Im hoping that I can really do this. Ive ditched my fitbit and slowing down with MyFitnessPal for now, going to try to lose weight with intuitive eating and portion control. Maybe doing this will slow down the binge eating. I can only hope eh! I still have approximately 60lbs to lose as I am still quite obese (5'4" and just over 200lbs).

<3 I wish every single one of you ALL THE HAPPY THINGS. And thank you so much for being here throughout this struggle, I may be in and out to vent but for now I am unsubscribed. I love you guys. <3

If anyone has any tips for healthy weight loss Id love to hear them.

[Help] mitigating disaster?
/u/ccyybb
Created: Thu Aug 30 08:11:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bjyem/mitigating_disaster/
---
what would you guys do?
i have a buffet lunch on sunday. it’s going to be a big old binge, no doubt about it, i’ve resigned myself to that (semi-looking forward to it lol)
i usually restrict around 700 cals a day. if you knew you had a binge day coming, would you fast the day before and after it to try and mitigate the effects, or just stick with your normal restriction?

Working in food helps me not eat
/u/impkidz
Created: Thu Aug 30 08:10:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bjy1e/working_in_food_helps_me_not_eat/
---
Being a barista and seeing how much sugar/syrups and calories being poured into each drink helps me fight the urge to drink/eat anything sugary or high cal. anymore. It really almost grosses me out to watch people gulp down almost inches-high of syrups and "flavors" that just clog up and stay in your body... It makes me afraid that even a small cup of it would never burn off. I can't stand to have more than an occasional sip from all that mess. Anybody else bothered by food when you work with it?

Difficult day
/u/cherryxnut
Created: Thu Aug 30 07:52:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bjsvg/difficult_day/
---
I’ve been bingeing all day. I don’t keep bad food in the house, so I’ve been eating veggie burgers, vegetables, low cal kids yoghurts... all my safe food basically cause I was so hungry. I’ve been with this disease for 10 years. I need to stop bingeing. My stomach hurts, my eyes hurts, I’m shaking, blood sugar is low. Anyone able to help me stop bingeing right now?

I think my chicken soup has upset my stomach...
/u/iron_blanket
Created: Thu Aug 30 07:37:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bjow6/i_think_my_chicken_soup_has_upset_my_stomach/
---
Yesssss!




(Is that bad that I think that)

The happiest I was with my eating was when I was made to fast before giving birth
/u/Solidly-secretive
Created: Thu Aug 30 06:58:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bjecr/the_happiest_i_was_with_my_eating_was_when_i_was/
---
I was being induced because my baby was gigantic.

I was on pitocin for 3 days, cycling up and down twice before my c section. I couldn't have anything other than clear liquids that entire time, plus over a day after giving birth.

I wasn't hungry at all. It was the easiest fast I've ever done. Maybe because of the 12 pound baby that was about to be cut out of me.

I'm constantly trying to get back to that contented fast. It's my dream to experience it again.

I just wanted to get that out.

God coffee is amazing
/u/not-creative-enough-
Created: Thu Aug 30 06:55:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bjdf6/god_coffee_is_amazing/
---
I stopped drinking coffee for a couple weeks trying to quit my caffeine addiction cause of headaches (lol went at most 1 day without caffeine). Anyway, I started drinking coffee again and it kills my appetite and makes me slightly nauseous, I love it!!!

What happens when you can't stop
/u/ydboy
Created: Thu Aug 30 06:23:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bj5gp/what_happens_when_you_cant_stop/
---
I'm so numb right now. I've lost every bit of care I had for my health and I don't know where it's gonna be 1 month, 2 months.... 3 months from now. Binge-restrict cycles were what plagued me for so long and I've finally broken it and at first it frightened me how easy it was and now I'm not so sure. I've started medication for a world of other problems and it just so happens that it kills my appetite. I haven't eaten over 300 calories in 2 weeks sometimes not at all. I just keep losing hair but I keep ignoring it because it's in my carpet and I can't see it... but it's a mess when I shower. I keep waking up with strange bruises on my legs where I've only just sat on. I know these are all typical signs of health issues associated with eds but I feel like I'm just floating in the ocean. I've kind of lost this obsessive want to become "beautiful" but in place of that I've become so indifferent to myself. I don't care about anything that's happening to me now.
But even if I don't care despite the no appetite I'm forcing further restriction upon myself. I keep telling myself to not eat, that I can't eat until later. I don't take any supplements, I don't even know where to start anymore. I don't know how long my body will keep up if this restriction continues. I can't bring myself to eat above because I feel illogical failure. I feel like everything has fizzled away and what was *I want to lose weight and be skinny for once so I can wear nice things* became *I just want to waste away*.

[Sticky] Weekly Emotional Support August 30, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Aug 30 06:11:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bj2jn/weekly_emotional_support_august_30_2018/
---
We're almost all dealing with quite stressful things outside of our eating disorders. Whether it be complicated relationships, friends, university, work or other mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or OCD, we all seem to be having a rougher time emotionally and mentally than the general population.

Use this thread to post about your problems or ask for advice concerning things other than EDs/ED behaviors.

**As always, follow the sub rules when reading or posting.**

*****

Weekly emotional well-being and support threads are posted every Thursday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)


Daily Food Diary! August 30, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Thu Aug 30 06:10:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bj2as/daily_food_diary_august_30_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for August 30, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)


gained after fasting
/u/pipercloe
Created: Thu Aug 30 06:07:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bj1jf/gained_after_fasting/
---
i fasted all day yesterday, like an actual water fast. i didn’t even have diet coke, which i normally do. and i somehow managed to gain a pound after fasting. i GAINED weight after eating nothing. now i just want to lie in bed all day, i’m so upset. every day i become more convinced that there’s no actual science to weight loss and that bad things just happen for no apparent fucking reason. someone please kill me.

anyone kinda okay with people calling them fat?
/u/milk_yy [161cm | 77kg | 29.7 | 7kg | F]
Created: Thu Aug 30 05:26:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bis38/anyone_kinda_okay_with_people_calling_them_fat/
---
I know it sounds crazy, it hurts me so much to be called fat. It motivates me to do better, and to eat less. I can see myself losing weight more quickly if I accept the fat jokes are because I am fat. If I lose weight then they will stop. Does anyone relate to this?

[Other] when even your manga app knows what’s up 🙃🙃🙃
/u/a1sha
Created: Thu Aug 30 04:54:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bil7c/when_even_your_manga_app_knows_whats_up/
---
https://i.redd.it/muw6q0fdo7j11.jpg

[Other] lmao
/u/kahmanee [6’2” | 180 | 23.1 | 80+ lbs | Male]
Created: Thu Aug 30 04:32:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bigu7/lmao/
---
https://i.redd.it/jhemms4hk7j11.jpg

[Rant/Rave] Keen for a binge free September 🙌🏼
/u/narkreturn
Created: Thu Aug 30 03:47:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bi809/keen_for_a_binge_free_september/
---
August destroyed me, constant binging and weight gain. I’m ready to be in control. Food I’m not scared of you anymore. I have the power not you. I choose how much of you I eat. You have nothing on me. Restriction is life. I will not eat until dinner and I’ll eat as little as possible. No more numbers. I’ll be to my goal weight in no time. No more giving up, giving in or feeling guilty/sorry for myself. I have the power and I’m strong and know what I’m doing. Food will no longer be my every train of thought. I will not sit home all day thinking about food. I’m going to move on with my life and eat as little food as possible because I deserve to feel and look good. Fuck you food. Fuck binging. Fuck counting calories. Diet soda and chewys are my saviours. I will accomplish great things this month I will be great at my hobbies and I will be thin. I’ve banned peanut butter, Nutella, dips and packaged snacks (my trigger binge foods). OMAD will be my jam.
and I will no longer fear or lose control over food because I fkn hate food now. I have allowed today to be my last binge because I will never let this happen to myself ever again. I will not purge this binge, I will let myself feel ugly fat and heavy. I will remember how I feel and I will never let myself feel this way again.
This September I’m gonna be a free bitch ✌🏻

[Help] can someone rationally ELI5 weight loss to me, please?
/u/twa1238
Created: Thu Aug 30 03:44:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bi7c5/can_someone_rationally_eli5_weight_loss_to_me/
---
My tdee is around 1900, I think it’s a bit higher even but want to be safe.

Everyone says you need to cut around 500 calories a day to lose half a kilo in a week- which would be 3500 calories you cut in a week and make 7000 calories the amount of calories you need to cut for a kilo.

I am eating around 500 calories on an average day, around 800-900 when I have to be more active at work (but I run around a lot on those days), and I usually don’t eat on the weekends (Friday afternoon to Sunday evenings). Sometimes I have to eat more, sometimes I eat less, but overall I am way under my weekly budget.

I don’t exercise because I feel like fainting, but I don’t sit at work, I have to stand most of the time/walk around. I take around 10.000 steps a day besides that.

I‘m in week 3 of restricting, my head hurts, I can’t take shits, I‘m cold all the time, so I don’t think my tdee magically dropped to 500 calories (I mean I do think that but it’s not possible is what I try to tell myself lol) or else I’d be fine right?? (I take my vitamins!)

But I don’t lose as much weight as fast as I SHOULD if this whole 7000cal/Kilo thing was true. I’ve only lost 3,5 kilos and last week my weight fluctuated around a plateau, today I thankfully dropped 200 gram more but I suspect that’s water weight since I took lax yesterday.
Everyday I get the urge to eat less and less I don’t even want to drink water anymore because my scale keeps stressing me out.

I don’t want any tips on how to cut more calories or anything, I just want to understand why I don’t lose more!

BTW I‘m not underweight (but would it even make a difference if I were?? I don’t get it)


post for our plateaus !!! [please come in and let's mope together about this]
/u/kittenbun [5'9 | CW 167 | GW 140 | F]
Created: Thu Aug 30 03:22:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bi34e/post_for_our_plateaus_please_come_in_and_lets/
---
welp i've been the same weight (169lb) for 10 days now. there was one glitch in the matrix where i lost 3lb but put it all back on the next day (For No Reason At All) so i'm just not gonna count it. my weekly GW for yesterday was 168lb and next week's is 166lb which i feel i have no chance of hitting now.

do you guys set weekly GWs ? have you had any recent setbacks?

i want sushi SO BAD
/u/taikutsuu [5'9'' | cw: 122 | 17.4 bmi | gw: 110 | 18f]
Created: Thu Aug 30 02:44:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bhwgh/i_want_sushi_so_bad/
---
I'm so conflicted. I really want to go to my local sushi buffet (because it's incredibly cost efficient), but I have legit nobody to go with and my ED is quaking. I give myself one day where I don't think about calories every two weeks and this would be it, but going on my own makes me so self conscious and like I don't deserve it. Fucking hell :(

Instagram food diary
/u/subarremos [5'3 | CW: 103 | GW: 88]
Created: Thu Aug 30 02:21:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bhsna/instagram_food_diary/
---
If you have one, please share it here.
Mine is @skinnikki 🍓
I want to talk to more people!

Relapse, Relapse, Pow!
/u/RichardStarrkey [6'0 | CW:FAT | GW:55kg | M]
Created: Thu Aug 30 01:42:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bhlwj/relapse_relapse_pow/
---
Alcoholism aside, I threw away ED thoughts for four months. I gained a little weight. In the healthy range. I was okay with that.


My coworker starts grabbing my fats. And after lunch today it just came over me. I threw it up so naturally. No fingers in the mouth. It came so clean. I don't know how to feel. I want to be skinny again.

[Help] Strange request, but how do you make your face look fuller??
/u/losemore [5'10" | 141b | 20.4 | -39lb | 22F]
Created: Thu Aug 30 00:53:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bhcmi/strange_request_but_how_do_you_make_your_face/
---
So I’ve got a medication review with my psych in 1 week for my ADHD meds, and for obvious reasons I want to hide the sudden weight loss so she doesn’t get suspicious. So far I’ve lost approx 20lbs since I last saw her. I’ve got the outfit part down (formal winter coat, boxy dress and 2 pairs of stockings), but how do I hide the weight loss in my face? I don’t wear makeup on a daily basis and have never worn it before in my past appointments with her, but my face is looking extremely tired and my cheekbones are now sunken in.

So I was thinking, maybe foundation and concealer? I’m at a loss though as to what to do to make it look “fuller”

If anybody has any tips, that would be great.

Cycling through the same six pounds.
/u/Kummerspeck101
Created: Thu Aug 30 00:50:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bhc1o/cycling_through_the_same_six_pounds/
---
Every two or three weeks, it's the same fucking thing. I get to 130 or 132 and then panic and restrict until I get to 126 or 125 and then I go through a period where I panic and purge if I go over 900 calories and then I get tired of purging and so I just let myself eat and then I get back to 130 or 132 and then panic and restrict until I get to 126 or 125 and then I go through a period where I panic and purge if I go over 900 calories and then I get tired of purging so

[Tip] >5 calorie shirley temples!!!!
/u/throwawaysilentcurt [5'5" | CW:127 | GW:115 | lost -72 | 20M]
Created: Wed Aug 29 23:50:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bh0pu/5_calorie_shirley_temples/
---
I accidentally made a drink that tastes exactly like a shirley temple, as far as i can tell... a big cup of Sprite Zero (the best diet soda imo) and Ocean Spray Diet cranberry juice to taste (i use maybe a 4:1 ratio).

&#x200B;

it's delicious, it totally satisfies by sweet craving, and it's refreshing!

Anyone else binge tonight?
/u/flowertaco
Created: Wed Aug 29 23:22:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bgv03/anyone_else_binge_tonight/
---
If so, what did you have? I’ve been going since about 4 pm. I feel like shit.

I’ll start: Oreos with cream taken out and replaced with peanut butter, ruffles, coke, fajitas, pepperoni pizza, frozen burritos topped with refried beans and cheese. Fuuuuck.

Can't stop thinking about food
/u/Moonlight_Unicorn
Created: Wed Aug 29 23:22:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bguwn/cant_stop_thinking_about_food/
---
I'm trying to fast since I'm a fatty since having my son. I can't stop thinking about food though. It consumes every thought I have.

Ugh. Help.

My anxiety attack of the day, someone please comfort me.
/u/anxiety-and-theatre
Created: Wed Aug 29 22:49:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bgnk3/my_anxiety_attack_of_the_day_someone_please/
---
So it was my first day of school and all the girls walked into my medical class. Every one of them are way skinny. The second heaviest one there probably had a BMI of 22 at most. They walked in one at a time and weighed between 90-130 pounds and I wanted to fucking die. How am I supposed to survive in this class if everyone around me is a fucking Barbie Doll?!? And then I saw the scale in the corner. I might get weighed someday this year in class. I was ready to cry right then and there. I got home and cried 3 times since. I want to die, I feel so terrible.

The girls who weighed closer to 130 had that whole, “slim thicc” thing going for them. Everyone was so goddamn perfect and I was there like the fat sack of crap I am. This is the hardest I cried since May.

Ponytails and neck humps
/u/redhotjillypepper
Created: Wed Aug 29 22:47:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bgn6c/ponytails_and_neck_humps/
---
Im 21 and I havent worn a ponytail in public since I was 15. I have this HIDEOUS hump at the top of my back/base of my neck. Im hyperaware of it when I’m walking, sitting, showering, laying down...
the idea of not covering that hump with my hair is anxiety anxiety anxiety. I use this as proof that im not truly pretty even though I feel nice when my hair is down. I feel like I need to drop a 45 lb dumbbell on my back in hopes itll fix the hump.
Does anyone else have this??? It makes me feel so fat and Ive started obsessing over my posture in hopes of making it go away but IT WONT!!!!!

Saw a new therapist today...
/u/lilmdjd [5'3 | CW: 135 | LW: 95 | GW 115 | 23F]
Created: Wed Aug 29 22:30:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bgjjt/saw_a_new_therapist_today/
---
Obviously I was honest about my ed history and that I’ve been inpatient. She asked me if I was still was maintaining recovery and somewhat healthy eating habits. To which I , 72 hours into a fast, replied “yeah!!!!”

..... let’s see how long I can keep this up lol

[Discussion] Do you start counting cals for a new day at midnight/morning/??
/u/throwawaysilentcurt [5'5" | CW:127 | GW:115 | lost -72 | 20M]
Created: Wed Aug 29 22:15:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bgfyn/do_you_start_counting_cals_for_a_new_day_at/
---
MFP starts counting calories after midnight as the next day, which seems weird. How do you do it? I guess it doesn't really matter either way.

What am I doing wrong!!!!!!!
/u/cutetinytroll
Created: Wed Aug 29 22:01:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bgcpl/what_am_i_doing_wrong/
---
I normally try to eat 1,200 calories max but for the pat 3 weeks I’ve been eating under 1000 calories and not to mention occasionally purging 1 of the meals, if I still feel gross. yet I haven’t dropped any weight!! NOT TO MENTION I look even more bloated than before I don’t know what’s wrong and I feel worse than before

[Discussion] Have you ever thought about what you were trying to solve by binging?
/u/halfcigarette [5'4"| CW: too freaked to check | BMI:20ish | 22F]
Created: Wed Aug 29 21:55:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bgb93/have_you_ever_thought_about_what_you_were_trying/
---
I did today, and it stopped me in my tracks. I don’t know how I haven’t done this before.
I think usually, for me, it’s always about stress management or feeling out of control in some form.
I feel like this is the first step towards developing coping mechanisms that aren’t just destructive.
What about you? What usually triggers you/what helps you deal with the root cause of the feeling instead?
Wishing everyone a beautiful Thursday

[Help] I ate 4000 calories today
/u/silverblackbriscoe
Created: Wed Aug 29 21:41:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bg85s/i_ate_4000_calories_today/
---
🙃🙃🙃 Wanted to get that off my chest bc I feel guilty and disgusting as fuck. Y I K E S.

Tomorrow has to be better. What do you usually do after a massive binge like this?

Luck with kratom?
/u/Thekillersofficial
Created: Wed Aug 29 21:37:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bg7at/luck_with_kratom/
---
I was googling it for my mom and turns out one of the "bad" "side effects" was weight loss. Anyone use it for that routinely? Ive never tried it but I think i may tonight

[Rant/Rave] Eating while sick: a shit show
/u/sorryqueen [5'3" | 102 | 18.57 | 33lbs | F]
Created: Wed Aug 29 21:25:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bg4bm/eating_while_sick_a_shit_show/
---
I’ve had a cold for the past couple of days and have been eating maintenance to try and get better faster. I can’t tell if it’s actually doing anything because I still feel awful and it’s pissing me off so bad. I have so much anxiety about gaining and it’s effecting my work self so hard, which is effecting my anxiety levels. Send healthy thoughts my way I need to not be sick anymore I’m going INSANE.

[Rant/Rave] Haunting Memories
/u/gabebega
Created: Wed Aug 29 21:20:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bg3ap/haunting_memories/
---
I am losing weight, I am restricting and I don’t even feel hungry anymore. I feel good. But then I get these memories, those moments that absolutely traumatized me...the time I cried in the dressing room...the time a shitty pseudo psychologist told me I just had a “little extra weight”...that ugly picture someone took of me...AND I FEEL LIKE SCREAMING, I FEEL SO ANGRY! stuff that happened a long time ago just popping everytime in my head you know. I am closer and closer fo my goal but these thoughts make me so anxious I immediately check myself on the mirror, I am so afraid of going back to that. Just want to be underweight to be far far away from fat :( feels horrible

[Discussion] What now
/u/createusernamehard
Created: Wed Aug 29 21:03:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bfz4l/what_now/
---
I eat literally just to take vitamins and night meds and it’s usually like yogurt or a pickle. I lost maybe a pound a day for three entire weeks and now I’m not losing anything. Nothing has changed. I don’t want food. I don’t crave anything. I still hate how I look and getting on the scale makes me feel like such a failure.

[Discussion] anyone else trying not to count calories
/u/aworkinprogress_ [5'6 | 116.4 lbs | BMI 18.8 | UGW 102]
Created: Wed Aug 29 20:44:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bfubo/anyone_else_trying_not_to_count_calories/
---
im still trying to lose but I deleted MFP. I’m so stressed out like I could’ve eaten anywhere from 1000-1600 today and it’s driving me crazy. wish me luck :/

Treatment AND underground behaviors
/u/theHBIC [5'2" | CW 190 | GW 110 | F]
Created: Wed Aug 29 20:42:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bftmc/treatment_and_underground_behaviors/
---
Hey all,

I'm struggling.

I was AN in high school then transitioned to bulimia- I have been bulimic for the last 7 years. I finally fessed up to my boyfriend because I started exploring treatment centers, because I'm honestly ready to be better. That being said, I have some MAJOR barriers:

&#x200B;

1. Money. Over $20,000 a month for inpatient? WTF?
2. No good providers in my state. I am at the mercy of my insurance provider, who only covers in-state inpatient
3. I teach. How do I take 2-3 months off for the inpatient I KNOW I need in a small town that gossips?
4. My BF wants me to be better. He expressed early on that he wanted me to stop throwing up. I get it. That's the most concerning part of my ED. But he stressed how disappointed he would be if I couldn't stop so I just started throwing up in secret again.

I just feel stuck and want to talk to some people in my shoes. Bulimia makes me feel like a failure; I can't control myself enough to not eat, so instead I need to throw up to undo the damage I do when I eat. I feel out of control and I'm really isolated and struggling.

[Discussion] DAE have a drinking problem?
/u/stella-p96
Created: Wed Aug 29 20:42:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bftlz/dae_have_a_drinking_problem/
---
I had some (probably disordered) eating issues in high school while I was trying to work through depression. Then, late into high school and especially in college, my eating issues became drinking issues. Feeling bad about myself? Drink! Anxious about school/friends/boys? Drink!

I went from my lowest weight (130, 5'11) to my highest weight (170) over the span of 4 years.

To make things worse, my eating issues have newly returned. I'm restricting to less than 300 calories from the hours of 8AM to 7PM, then between 7PM to 10PM I get "drunk" every night. Like 3 drinks is enough to do it now. And I have no idea what my calorie count is like. But I'm certainly not losing any weight this way.

I guess I just feel kinda alone in this. Like how weak do I have to be to ruin all this effort for a buzz?

Meh.

[Rant/Rave] This makes no logical sense
/u/squishysponges [19F|5'5"|GW108]
Created: Wed Aug 29 20:16:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bfmwi/this_makes_no_logical_sense/
---
So I’ve been trying to lose weight the “healthy” way, having at max 1200 cals a day. That’s already like a 600-700 cal deficit for me. I’ve been doing this steadily for 2 weeks, averaging 1100 a week, and haven’t even binged! Everything is measured and logged. So why have I gone up 3 pounds :-). I know it’s not literally possible and it’s probably just water in my fat cells but ffs, how long do I hav etc wait for this whoosh??? It makes me feel like I need to go back to 500 a day.

[Rant/Rave] I fucking hate myself
/u/chained_love
Created: Wed Aug 29 20:10:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bfl7t/i_fucking_hate_myself/
---
I can’t fucking stand looking at my body. I saw myself in a mirror after showering and now I’m in a super shitty mood. I hate the way my body looks. I’m not skinny enough. I hate this.

I really hate this disease, I was doing so good not purging!
/u/not-creative-enough-
Created: Wed Aug 29 19:56:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bfhls/i_really_hate_this_disease_i_was_doing_so_good/
---
I planned to fast today (and probably for the next couple of days) and my boyfriend came over(he knows about my ed and is usually helpful). I avoided food/calories most of the day, then dinner came around and I knew he’d be pretty upset if I didn’t eat, so I figured I would eat a little and start my fast over tomorrow, I had burned 200 calories earlier anyway so I should still be under 500, I’d be okay! But like an idiot, after he left I felt like shit about myself and starting binging (more dinner, toast and cottage cheese). Afterwards of course guilt set in and for the first time in months I purged, now I feel like even more shit and just want to die. I could hardly even get anything up which made it so much worse.

School is starting soon and I really wanted to fit into some jeans I have but that’s clearly not going to happen... god i hate myself

[Goal] Starting in September I will lose weight
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | CW 120 | GW 115 | UGW 110/115 | F]
Created: Wed Aug 29 19:55:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bfhh4/starting_in_september_i_will_lose_weight/
---
Summer has been weird since I was supposedly on that recovery shit, then vacation happened, and I’ve been eating more.
But no more. I will restrict high (800-1200) so I won’t get cravings and I’ll exercise since my schools gym is opening. And I will get to 110/115. I don’t care what people say. I will weigh myself at least once a week and eat three small meals a day. If anyone wants to join, HMU!

Curse you, delicious bread, you vile demon
/u/WWEisVegan
Created: Wed Aug 29 19:23:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bf8yt/curse_you_delicious_bread_you_vile_demon/
---
Today was the first day of class and I actually hit the goal I had set for this date! And then I ate a bunch of carbs and salt. I know I only ate 675 calories, but I also know I'm gonna step on the scale tomorrow and be back up above my goal, which is gonna make it impossible for me to hit my next one in time. And I've taken laxatives every day for the last three days, so taking more today won't really do much, though I'll probably do it anyway just to punish myself. And then on Friday my mom is coming out to visit and she's got a bunch of local restaurants she wants to go to, so even if I keep calorie-restricting this next week is gonna be water weight hell. It's just so frustrating because even though I hit a major goal, I'm still juuuuust above my wiggle room goal for this weight, which is where I wanted to be by Friday. I fasted yesterday and I really needed today and tomorrow as fasts as well and instead I tore into an unsliced loaf of bread and shoved chunks of it in my face like a fucking starving medieval peasant.

I hit a normal bmi this morning. I'm two pounds from the lowest weight I can remember being, five pounds from the goal I never reached the last time I tried to lose weight, twenty pounds from a safe, normal, healthy weight, halfway to my underweight goal I've had since I was 12. I was in such a good place this morning. And then my friend asked me to bake him bread but only wanted one loaf. There's a reason I don't keep bread in my house, August! There's a reason you had to go out and buy flour!

I know I'm still at a deficit. I know this is a temporary setback. But this is around where I was when I fucked myself up last time and I'm so scared I'll do it again. I'm so close to normal but I could be fat again in a heartbeat and how much bread I eat is gonna be the difference.

[Help] Afraid of asking for Bronkaid
/u/littleblackrainclowd
Created: Wed Aug 29 19:16:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bf7gf/afraid_of_asking_for_bronkaid/
---
I’ve been really wanting to try Bronkaid recently but I’ve been really nervous about asking the pharmacist for it. I have asthma so it wouldn’t be sketchy to ask for any, but it still makes me feel like vomiting whenever I plan to ask and always chicken out. I did see recently that I guess it’s not available in every state over the counter, which makes me even more nervous because with how things have been going I can see myself breaking down in tears in the pharmacy (which would be even more mortifying). Does anyone have any experience with this?

[Other] Stop it! Don’t taunt me! 😫
/u/ohdarlingyourefucked
Created: Wed Aug 29 19:00:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bf2x8/stop_it_dont_taunt_me/
---
https://i.redd.it/mcam0llcq4j11.jpg

[Help] How do you count cake batter licks?!
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2 | 152 | Aiming for 146 by 9/25 | -10 Lost | f21]
Created: Wed Aug 29 18:56:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bf239/how_do_you_count_cake_batter_licks/
---
I was helping make my birthday cake mainly so I could weigh and accurately log in the cake Hahaha no rest for the weary. Anyway, I had some batter, maybe 3 tablespoons. Do I log 1/8th of a serving? Add 100 just to be sure? Birthday calories don't count? I'm mildly annoyed how much this bothers me, but I'm dying here.

[Other] What are the staples of your diet currently?
/u/stellazellarozella
Created: Wed Aug 29 18:27:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9beubu/what_are_the_staples_of_your_diet_currently/
---
I'm looking for new ideas. I've been eating pretty much the same food for the past three months.

I don’t understand what it is about me that makes no one want to keep me
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 95 | 17 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Wed Aug 29 18:22:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bet75/i_dont_understand_what_it_is_about_me_that_makes/
---
I dated this toxic guy for 9 months and I treated him like gold every single day despite him doing nothing in return...finally my feelings got too strong and he essentially said “yeah I told you I wasn’t going to want a relationship and that hasn’t changed.” So obviously I was devastated and thinking...I don’t know, how can someone get to know me and see me and be with me for 9 months and still look at me and think “nah”

So I decided to try dating...I usually have one date and no interest in whatever guy. But this one was different. We went out Sunday night and had so much fun - he’s cute and charming and sweet to me, but still witty and with the sarcastic banter that I love to engage in. I went back to his apartment and ended up hanging out for the morning on Monday. Monday night he asks if I want to go to trivia at a bar - score, second date! So we went. And I thought it went well. But he hasn’t messaged me once today...didn’t try to hangout yesterday....before we met and the day after we met we texted non stop. He’s looked at my Instagram and snap stories but hasn’t said one word to me. Am I wrong for thinking....”wow guess I did it again.” I can’t think of anything I would have done. But I really thought we hit it off :( and here I am thrown to the curb again. I don’t know. I don’t know if I want advice or just love. But I love you guys. Thanks for listening ❤️

[Rant/Rave] [RANT]"You're a much better size now"
/u/happy_but_unhappy [5'9 |CW 118.8 | 17.5 | GW 110]
Created: Wed Aug 29 18:10:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9beprt/rantyoure_a_much_better_size_now/
---
Sooooo ive been eating quite a lot recently... like the last month I haven't weighed myself and I haven't tracked calories like at all which I guess is good? But scary at the same time. All my clothes fit exactly the same so logic would have it I haven't gained that much.... but today my dad commented that I'm a "much better size now" and he's glad I've "gained some weight" my granny said the exact same thing tonight and honestly I feel like crying. I was looking for an excuse to restrict anyway as I'm off to uni in a few days so I can cook for myself again but it's honestly made me feel super sad and upset

[Other] DAE browse restaurant menus online and imagine what it would be like to eat food there??
/u/lilllyyy [5'7 | 123.6lbs | 19.4 | F]
Created: Wed Aug 29 18:07:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9beoyo/dae_browse_restaurant_menus_online_and_imagine/
---
Lately I've been obsessively looking at restaurant menus online, especially when I'm restricting & hungry. I browse menus for hours every night and imagine what I'd order and what it would be like to eat the food. Even places I've never been before or haven't been in years... i'm just obsessed. tonight i've been looking at the taco bell, burger king, & krispy kreme menus. But I've also recently discovered YouTubers that do 10,000 calorie challenges or record their entire "cheat days". I can't get enough of it and it's probably not healthy. like i should read a book instead but i can't look away lol yikes

&#x200B;

This can't be normal? tell me I'm not the only one who does this haha

[Rant/Rave] FINALLY found the thing that works for me!
/u/itszwee
Created: Wed Aug 29 17:43:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9beil7/finally_found_the_thing_that_works_for_me/
---
I've been seeing people swear by \[x\] specific diet/routine/behaviour forever and it's always been frustrating entering a cycle of "omg this will change my life" to being frustrated that it's clearly not something that'll work for me. But I've been doing OMAD at dinner (because I live with my family and that's when we all eat together) for the past couple weeks, with my days off being an exception because of eating for social things/not being suspicious when skipping lunch. I used to be a habitual snacker, with only one *real* meal a day, so the transition was pretty easy. All I really had to do was say no to everything until dinner time. Even from the first day of doing this, I knew I found something that actuall*y wor*ks for me, and I felt euphoric. Anyway, just wanted to share and gently remind everyone that just because someone else swears by a certain method, doesn't mean it's necessarily for you and that you're doomed to stay the same forever just because it doesn't work out for you.

Dark thoughts
/u/boyandgirlmom
Created: Wed Aug 29 17:07:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9be8t0/dark_thoughts/
---
I seriously just hate everything right now. My kids are struggling in their own ways. I feel like a) I have no idea how to get them through life to be successful adults and b) like it's mostly my fault. Why did I ever think I was good enough to have kids. I'm barely holding my life together right now and I can't even eat because I know if I eat I'll get hungrier and hungrier and then everything will just completely fall apart. Someone remind me of this day in 10 years and hopefully I'll have a better story to tell 😭
(I've never posted in here before so please don't be mean...I literally cannot handle anything else right now) I don't even know how to help myself from this. I haven't felt this low in a really long time.

When you eat so fast you cant even count calories....
/u/SkinnyisSexy [5'7.6 |128.4|gw115|19.6| F]
Created: Wed Aug 29 16:54:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9be58j/when_you_eat_so_fast_you_cant_even_count_calories/
---
Rant. Fucking A. I fasted yesterday and planned to until dinner tonight. I was gonna make veggie noodle spaghetti. Its 3:30 and i ate an abnormally large cucumber dipped in salted vegan yogurt (i make my own dip) okay I'm done. Right? You'd think so, I mean i am full? NOPE i ate at least 1/4 a bag of costco sized salad topper (contains pumpkin seed, sunflower seed, and dried cranberries) who binges on fucking seeds????? I know that was lot of calories, high in protien though... so.... yay? Kill me now. I literally just mindlessly ate that until i couldnt move. I feel like that fat squirrel that ate all the bird seed, just add self loathing.


(Sorry no flair and probably a lot of errors. Posting via mobile.)

[Thinspo] Warning to everyone posting on thinspo. There are a lot of pervs with ed kinks
/u/heyimbored_
Created: Wed Aug 29 16:38:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9be12x/warning_to_everyone_posting_on_thinspo_there_are/
---
https://i.redd.it/32gfsgx514j11.jpg

[Thinspo] Does anybody else have thinspo music?
/u/Warmtongue
Created: Wed Aug 29 16:38:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9be0tp/does_anybody_else_have_thinspo_music/
---
I started working out and I've found that some music is like thinspo for me. Mainly Frank Ocean's Blonde. I don't know why but it makes me start thinking about getting the body I want. I'm a gay male and a loner and I think something about how feminine it is and how it makes me think about the life that my struggles with body dysmorphia and weight have held me back from. I also quite like St. Vincent's MASSEDUCTION for some reason. Does anybody else have thinspo music?

[Help] What’s your favorite broth?
/u/ProseBeforeHoes1
Created: Wed Aug 29 16:37:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9be0re/whats_your_favorite_broth/
---
I find that hot broth is really soothing and acts as a “comfort food” ... I’ve been trying different ones, but do any of you have any favorites ?

How to tell if you are actually skinny or have body dysmorphia...?
/u/throw8712away
Created: Wed Aug 29 16:18:09 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bdvd0/how_to_tell_if_you_are_actually_skinny_or_have/
---
I am 5’6, 104 pounds (technically 106 but I have breast implants which weigh 2 pounds total so I always subtract that from my weight), and my BMI is 16.8.


Now, I know that sounds tiny because of my height/weight/BMI. My friends always tell me how skinny I am. I just honestly don’t see myself that way or feel like I look ‘that’ skinny.

When I look in the mirror or in pics, I see fat on my upper inner thighs. I see a little bit of fat still on my stomach. I don’t feel like my legs are lean, even though I wear 00 jeans.

I see pics of other girls who I’m sure weigh more than me, yet look so much thinner. I think I have that ‘skinny-fat’ look but any time I’ve brought that up to anyone, they assure me that isn’t the case.

I guess I’m just having a hard time seeing myself how others see me- I don’t know if that means I have body dysmorphia or that people lie to me about what I look like or what. It’s super frustrating, does anyone else feel like this?

[Rant/Rave] I’m gonna lose weight if I damn well please
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | CW 120 | GW 115 | UGW 110/115 | F]
Created: Wed Aug 29 16:14:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bduhz/im_gonna_lose_weight_if_i_damn_well_please/
---
My boyfriend tells me not lose more weight. He said I’d be “ugly” at 110. I don’t give a damn. First off, you’re Triggering and second I don’t care. I lose weight to accept my body. It’s my body so I’ll do with it whag I please. Now this means I’ll have to lose weight slowly, so it won’t be noticeable. But eh people telling me how to treat my body can fuck off.

Visiting His Family
/u/thinwin [5'1.8 | CW: 112.2 | UGW: 100 | BMI: 20.7 | -5lbs | Female]
Created: Wed Aug 29 15:47:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bdmia/visiting_his_family/
---
Hi everyone, it’s been a good long while since I’ve last posted anything here but I just have the need to vent.

So I’m visiting my boyfriend’s family and they are extremely nice and are always looking to keep me entertained or make me feel welcome and I appreciate it entirely but when it comes to dinner time they put out large bowls of the sides, main entrees, rolls and all sorts of high calorie foods. Problem is that I’m trying my best to restrict as much as I can but i can see them staring out the small portions on my plate and it makes me feel really awkward and I’m trying to hide my ED as much as I can without it concerning my boyfriend or his family. I already skip breakfast so they already think that’s weird and I just don’t know how to hide my true self from them... ok. Vent done.

Just ate like a tablespoon of plain mustard
/u/gorgingpuddle
Created: Wed Aug 29 15:21:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bdei8/just_ate_like_a_tablespoon_of_plain_mustard/
---
And it was fucking fantastic.



Not sure what the point of this post is, just...yeah. mustard is great. I made homemade pretzel bites and my ass almost gave in and ate one (I made them for my boyfriend, cause he loves them, and had a bad day at work), but instead, I put some mustard from his plate on my finger and ate it, then went straight to the bottle and licked some off a spoon. I know mustard has calories but shiiiit, much less than a pretzel.

I've been 17 days binge free thus far! And tbh, I owe it to mustard.

Chew slowly. Savor every bite.
/u/Flesh-And-Bone [Too Short | Too Fat | Too Old | Duderino]
Created: Wed Aug 29 15:05:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bd9je/chew_slowly_savor_every_bite/
---
Fruit is one of those foods that can be tricky. It's sweet and succulent and healthy, but it's also sugary and full of calories. While eating some today, I wanted *more*. I wanted to eat five more apples right then and there. I could've. I could've just grabbed them out of the fridge and consumed them in about five minutes flat.

Instead, I stopped myself. Instead, I took a minute to collect myself. I had part of my apple left. I took a bite, and chewed it, and I really savored it. I chewed it up until it was soft and mushy, and I swallowed slowly. I did this for each and every bite, and by the end of it, I had a tiny bit of apple left and I didn't feel like eating the apple anymore.

[Help] Stress eating
/u/NuShoozy
Created: Wed Aug 29 15:00:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bd81a/stress_eating/
---
I thought I did a pretty good job of reigning in my ED when I got pregnant but now my kid is almost 2 and it’s creeping back. It started with stress eating, then the purge and now it’s been cycling for a few days. I’m trying to eat minimally today and kind of give myself a reset but I don’t know how to keep myself from falling back into those negative patterns. I’m open suggestions from anyone who’s can relate. I know long term I probably need some therapy but it’s just not possible right now. How do you stop yourself from stress eating cause that’s the biggest thing that leads to a full blown binge for me.

[Rant/Rave] I’m not doing residential.
/u/pringlesbutthole
Created: Wed Aug 29 14:54:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bd655/im_not_doing_residential/
---
Every doctor, therapist, psych etc etc is telling me to do this 30 day residential treatment and not to be dramatic but I would rather diiiiie. I don’t need that. Like I really don’t think it’s severe enough for 30 fucking days consecutive. My BMI is super low, to be fair, but at my healthiest ever I’d still be considered “underweight.” My body is working like it should be, for the most part. I told my doc today that if that’s all they could offer me I’m giving up on treatment lol.

Why is every professionals go to when learning about your ED the most severe and intensive treatment available? Like as soon as I say “I restrict and eat less than 1000 calories a day” they freak out. It’s... not that deep lmao

[Discussion] Pumpkin Spice
/u/to-be-a-feather [5'2 | 105 | 19.2 | SW 130 | F]
Created: Wed Aug 29 14:30:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bcydd/pumpkin_spice/
---
How do you all get through PSL and Pumpkin Spice in general season? I’ve started adding in PSL to my daily calories. It’s started becoming my OMAD. I forgot how difficult it is this time of the year to successfully restrict. 😫

[Help] Still hungry while EC stacking???
/u/yungelectric [5'7 | CW: 135 | HW: 202 | 22F]
Created: Wed Aug 29 14:16:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bcu3h/still_hungry_while_ec_stacking/
---
Does this happen to anyone else?? I’ll take 3 8mg pills with 100 or 200 mg caffeine (depends if I have coffee at the same time) 2 to 3 times a day and for whatever the fuck reason I’m still hungry and just extra anxious which is so frustrating and makes me feel so stupid :(( I definitely drink way more water too because it makes me feel like I’m dying lmfao

[Rant/Rave] Stop eating my food!
/u/skinthin [5'0| 100 | 19.3 | 35 lbs | F]
Created: Wed Aug 29 14:11:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bcsg4/stop_eating_my_food/
---
Just a little mini rant because I’m really frustrated today. I spend a lot of money on groceries that I know I will be able to tolerate eating for days that I work, like fruits and vegetables, eggs, oatmeal, granola bars, etc because my house is full of junk food (I live with 6 other roommates) and every day I come home after class to get something in my system before work only to find it has been eaten. Today, an entire box of organic almond granola bars, veggie tots, and fresh pineapple have all been consumed!! I am nearly broke, I’m tired, and I’m already cranky about eating so when the only tolerable foods go missing I just come apart. I don’t eat your pop-tarts or your pizzas or your frozen burritos, so WHY DO YOU TOUCH THE ONLY LOW CALORIE THINGS IN THE HOUSE? WHY NOT EAT POTENTIAL BINGE FOOD FOR ME? 😫

Advice for first-time therapy?
/u/sriracha_henny
Created: Wed Aug 29 14:06:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bcqvg/advice_for_firsttime_therapy/
---
I have some issues outside of my eating that I wanna discuss with a therapist. I want to work through some of them, but I do NOT want to discuss ED stuff. I’m still clinically overweight and frankly, I’m really embarrassed to even refer to myself jokingly as having an ed. Any advice on how to effectively talk to my therapist without unraveling the ed stuff?

PS: I will address it eventually. I know it’s inevitable. I just don’t feel comfortable doing it yet.

[Goal] I hit my first goal weight!
/u/ThrowPotential [5'6 | CW: 170lbs | BMI: 27 | -7lbs | F]
Created: Wed Aug 29 14:04:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bcpzf/i_hit_my_first_goal_weight/
---
167.8 lbs, baby!!

As well as that, I've eaten 700 calories today (my lowest in a LONG time), just done a 4k run AND I'm not hungry! Who am I?!

I hate my boyfriends family
/u/ineedalifeee
Created: Wed Aug 29 13:37:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bchfp/i_hate_my_boyfriends_family/
---
...Because they brought back sweets from vacation. Now I’m gonna inhale a bunch of chocolate :( they’re too nice!!!

Obsession with weighing yourself?
/u/PikachuQueen
Created: Wed Aug 29 13:20:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bcbut/obsession_with_weighing_yourself/
---
I’m not sure if anyone else does this, but I weigh myself more than 20 times a day. When I first wake up, about 30 mins later, when I’m done showering, when my hair dries, before and after every meal, and bathroom trip too, before bed..... it goes on and on.

If I’m out in the city and I haven’t weighed myself, I won’t eat 99% of the time even if everyone else is. I will step on an off the scale 10 times and shift it around the floor to make sure the number is correct. Jeez, I have issues.

[Rant/Rave] Lunch Politics...Again
/u/coolmistmama
Created: Wed Aug 29 13:03:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bc6ey/lunch_politicsagain/
---
There’s essentially a “morale” group that tries to do events to perk up the workplace. Usually always surrounding food, but whatever.

So I recently went Vegan for some good reasons, some ED reasons. I haven’t made it a secret that I’m Vegan now and it’s relatively known. So we are having this big event and they have pizza and ice cream. Typical.

I made an aside to one of my colleagues that I wish for once we could have something that didn’t center around dairy. She took that to heart and tried to advocate for me and have them order a salad. Now I never asked her to do that and had brought my lunch anyways. It was just a sarcastic comment.

But then the Office Bitch took it personally and kept making a million asides about how we are already over budget, how we couldn’t add it last minute, just on and on. And having all of these people talk about my fucking food choices did nothing good for my anxiety.

Eventually it comes to a point where the food is delivered. I had already eaten at this point and was getting ready for my walk. But lo and behold she had three salads for people, individually ordered but fuck me right?

To make matters worse she made sure to make a huge point of telling the office vegetarian that she had options for her etc etc. Just mean girl bullshit. And it was offensive enough to me that I’m actually thinking of talking to HR.

Literally on my way back in she rolled her stupid fucking eyes at me. Just because she’s a fat cow who can’t stick with a diet and lose any weight. Maybe if she had some fucking self control she wouldn’t have to be mad at me all the time for weighing a solid 100 pounds less than her.

I get jealous all the time of women who I feel are thinner/prettier than me but I’d never lash out at them and I’d never try and make them miserable.

I wasn’t going to eat the food anyways but the point remains she went out of her way to make me feel excluded simply because she’s a jealous cunt.

I'm in a LDR with my boyfriend and I'm scared he's falling for another girl.
/u/Throwawaymylife5678
Created: Wed Aug 29 12:53:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bc3fh/im_in_a_ldr_with_my_boyfriend_and_im_scared_hes/
---
Background:

Me: 19, history of ED, loses and gains weight crazy fast. Alabama.


Boyfriend: 24, BED, had gastric bypass and has lost like 200 lb. He's now around 250. Illinois.


So my boyfriend and I have been together for going on 2 years. He was a heavy guy when we first started talking but he was so cute. Very flirty personality, etc. He was popular when he was younger and he was everyone's friend.


Since he lost weight, his flirty personality hasn't changed but his body did. He has been getting attention from girls, namely one he told me about last night.


He works 2 jobs and goes to college part time. He proceeds to tell me about this girl who sits next to him, who he talks to the entire class, who he walks out to her car because she wanted to smoke a cig with him. They brag about who's car is faster. He totally clicks with this girl. She sounded very into him.


He also gave another girl his number.


Maybe I'm reading into this too much. He said he doesn't mean for it to hurt me. I let him know it crossed lines. He said he still loves me and that he wants to be with me, and that I'm permanent and that if he ever dated her, she would be the temporary kind.


I've been pacing my house, sobbing and unsure. I don't want to eat and I don't want to go to work. I just want to lay down and die.

[Discussion] DAE have that special outfit that makes you feel better?
/u/Rotten_Muffin [5"3 | 105 lbs | 19.1 | LW: 30 lbs | Girl | Age: 20]
Created: Wed Aug 29 12:42:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bc024/dae_have_that_special_outfit_that_makes_you_feel/
---
We all know the one. That one particular outfit you wear because it makes you look a certain way, hides that certain thing, makes that other thing very obvious. And thus it makes you feel better.

For me it's the combination of certain grey sweatpants that hide my hip dips and in combination with an XS sports bra it makes my belly look really flat and my waist thinner. As well as my frame.

I still kind of hate how my arms look like though. But if it's cold I'll use a shoulderless oversized shirt and it'll make my arms look slimmer. Also I usually wear this at night and so it makes me look good I feel good and so I can allow myself to eat something without some of the guilt. Kind of like "I look good! It won't matter if I eat this"

If you're curious, there are pictures of said shirt in my profile. But on Friday I'll post the full outfit!

So, what's your "safe" outfit and what do you like about it?

[Discussion] SECRET EATERS (TW)
/u/PsychadelicSpaceCat
Created: Wed Aug 29 12:15:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bbrjf/secret_eaters_tw/
---
Does anyone else watch this insane show?!? OMG

I stumbled across the first season on YouTube and I kid you NOT I have never been more triggered yet transfixed in my life.

For anyone who hasn't watched it, they literally use secret cameras to help people track their food intake to lose weight, but it's just all about confronting people who secretly binge on food. They film people eating fast food in their freaking CARS and they pick through their trash!!! I'm deaded. One clip of a woman eating fries had a little calorie counter in the corner, and with every bite of fry it would go up to show her calorie intake. Triggered for LIFE

Sorry for the rant. Anyone else feel unreasonably called out by British weight loss shows? lmao



If you have ever been on Wellbutrin/Buproprion and then quit, did you gain weight afterwards?
/u/dxylightt [short | 125 | GW: 95 | F]
Created: Wed Aug 29 12:12:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bbqrm/if_you_have_ever_been_on_wellbutrinbuproprion_and/
---
I’ve been on Buproprion (generic form of Wellbutrin) for a year, but recently switched to Prozac since the Buproprion just made me agitated and paranoid all the time. Despite it being commonly known as a weight neutral/weight loss antidepressant, it really didn’t do much to help my binging since anxiety is 99% the reason why I binge, and the med just made me more anxious.

I’m seeing a lot of stories on the internet where people are like “I’m counting my calories and eating healthy but still have gained SO much weight after quitting Wellbutrin.” I know CICO obviously is key, but I’m a little paranoid about it since I’m reading a ton of how people gained a ton of weight after quitting without doing anything and despite eating healthy.

I’m just getting back in a restricting swing again, but now I’m paranoid that because I’m coming off the med I’m going to have a hell of a time losing weight. I figured I would ask you guys about any of your experiences and hopefully reassure my mind a bit. If you ever took Wellbutrin/Buproprion, did quitting cause weight gain for you?

[Rant/Rave] My Ultimate Wish
/u/whitechocolateonly [5'8" | CW: 128.2 & BMI: 19.5 | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Wed Aug 29 12:03:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bbnpo/my_ultimate_wish/
---
If I could have one thing in this world it would be the chance to switch bodies with someone for 5 minutes just for the opportunity to see what I look like. The mirror tells me one thing, photos tell me anyhow. My reflection in the glass door at home isn’t half bad and I look reasonably skinny but the mirror in my bathroom hates me. I can’t be happy with myself until I know what other people see because I have no idea what I look like.

[Help] MY PARENTS ARE BRINGING BURRITOS HOME WHAT DO I DO
/u/BackgroundHole [5'5" | HW 135 | LW 119 | CW 126 | GW 105 | F]
Created: Wed Aug 29 11:53:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bbklo/my_parents_are_bringing_burritos_home_what_do_i_do/
---
hi so uhhh recently i took a break from restriction while i was on vacation/at camp and gained like five pounds. ive just gotten back to restriction after having over a week of straight up binge days and i had a whole meal plan ready for today (less that 100 calories!!) but my mom just told me we're getting burritos for dinner!! which are, like, my favorite food!! ahhhhhhahahaha im probably gonna keep up this binge streak for the rest of my life!!! what do you think i should do? go to bed before dinner, eat some vegetables instead, eat the burrito and get fat??? hahaha my life is falling apart

Something in my brain broke last week (aka the story of my relapse)
/u/Bisexuwhale21
Created: Wed Aug 29 11:24:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bbbjr/something_in_my_brain_broke_last_week_aka_the/
---
I have always struggled with eating and food. And I used to be a daily user of this subreddit on a different account.

Last year I become so entrenched in my ED I became underweight. Then I met SO, fell off the rails, ate literally huge portions all the time, now I'm overweight again and hate myself #morethanever. It's like everytime I look in the mirror, I look worse. I get fatter.

Well, last week- like Monday or some shit- I just decided I won't eat anymore if Im not hungry. My stomach has to be growling. At first it was weird to break the habit of not constantly shoving food down my piehole. But I got in the swing of it in a couple days and was eating 800-1200 calories. I really thought I kind of found a healthy medium of not starving, but not overeating. I still hated myself but that was the closest to normal I'd been in years.

Then my cat had to be put down and I literally never want to eat. My stomach growls and I just ignore it until it goes away. But I'm stuck in my rule where my stomach has to be growling, so I end up eating maybe 500 calories a day-if that- despite running and doing a weight training class.

Ive lost somewhere close to 5lbs just this week alone... and I still never feel really hungry. I just feel weak and my muscles ache all the time.

Anyways... thanks for reading if you got this far. There's not really a point to this besides for me to rant a little bit about the relapse I knew was coming. See you all around.

[Help] Low-Restrict (High-Restrict?) Help/Advice Needed
/u/puzzledbutton [5’0” | GW: 110 | 24F]
Created: Wed Aug 29 11:22:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bbb04/lowrestrict_highrestrict_helpadvice_needed/
---
Hi all!!!







Never posted here before. Currently I’m at a normal (too high) weight and have about 7 more pounds to lose where I’ll at least be content with my body (at least I was before at my height/weight) and would REALLY like to get to it before a wedding at the end of next month.







I do fasting pretty often but sometimes struggle to get past 48 hours (sometimes I’ll psych myself out at 24 hours lololol and make myself think I’m not gonna be able to fall asleep IDK it’s weird) so I’m looking for some advice for maybe foods or any tips/tricks for keeping calories under 500? I feel like I can totally manage that if I am struggling to just fast. I usually am good at it but since I have a deadline I’m trying to meet I’m of course nervous I will psych myself out.








I’m short (5’0”) so realistically I’d like to keep it under 300 but I think under 500 would be fine. I also do OMAD because I find it the easiest to sleep when I have food in my stomach.






Any advice would be appreciated!!!

1100 calories??
/u/notchillen
Created: Wed Aug 29 11:07:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bb60c/1100_calories/
---
if I eat 1100 calories a day will I have a slow but sured weight loss?? im trying to weigh 117 by November

I’m not even binging and purging anymore. It’s just purging.
/u/sonospaventato
Created: Wed Aug 29 10:59:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bb37t/im_not_even_binging_and_purging_anymore_its_just/
---
Ate celery yesterday and made myself throw it up. At least when I was binging I’m pretty sure some of the calories were sticking... I just want to know what it’s like to be beautiful.

Bragging on myself rn
/u/PermanentHysteria
Created: Wed Aug 29 10:46:23 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bayvb/bragging_on_myself_rn/
---
Flair: Rave

I went to a pool party weekend last week and wore a bathing suit instead of covering up. I participated in group activities and took pictures with no makeup on. I look so average. But I had so much fun, really relaxed and enjoyed myself, got to know people, and stepped outside of my comfort zone.

And you know what? It was great. The girls there were all small and healthy probably BMI 20-23 and each of them had cellulite when sitting down. For some reason, seeing that flipped a switch in my brain and I realized. I'm never going to be a super model or look like one, and I can stop being myself up over it. I still need to lose weight to be healthy, but somehow seeing people be the size I want to be, and not being perfect, was really freeing. It just made it feel more achievable while taking some stress of. IDK, I'm rambling.

Came down with a fever...I am so happy!
/u/ripwanwinkle
Created: Wed Aug 29 10:36:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bavuv/came_down_with_a_feveri_am_so_happy/
---
Generally I get sick a lot but have been in pretty good health for a while now. Came down with a fever last night and I am so happy that I have absolutely zero appetite. Even the thought of eating my favorite foods has me turning nauseous.

What the fuck is wrong with me...

[Discussion] DAE feel like they're in ED limbo?
/u/LowStory
Created: Wed Aug 29 10:35:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bavgp/dae_feel_like_theyre_in_ed_limbo/
---
So, I'm a full time student with a part time job, and I try to do community work on top of that. I see a dietician and a therapist to help with my binging and such. I'm also in a restriction period right now, and I find myself wanting to restrict more and more. It's super frustrating because I feel like I don't have the time to work on recovery because it requires so much mental energy, but I also know I don't have the time for things to get worse because I know that if I pass out or something (which almost happened recently) I will be forced to take time off of school and work to recover. Right now I just feel like I'm in a limbo state where I'm fighting the urge to restrict more because it's easier than fighting to become healthier. Anyone else ever felt this way, and if so, what did you do?

[Discussion] How do you guys deal with being hangry?
/u/cactirootz [4'11 | 84 | F]
Created: Wed Aug 29 10:32:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bauj9/how_do_you_guys_deal_with_being_hangry/
---
I feel like it’s affecting my relationship and that’s kinda a big concern for me since I’m codependent as fuck on my boyfriend and would probably go off the deep(er) end if we broke up but that’s a story for another time!!! but literally like anything. what do you do that makes you happy/content?? tell me thangzzzz

Isn't it ironic that we don't want to tell anybody about our issues, yet desperately want people to notice
/u/taikutsuu [5'9'' | cw: 122 | 17.4 bmi | gw: 110 | 18f]
Created: Wed Aug 29 10:30:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9batre/isnt_it_ironic_that_we_dont_want_to_tell_anybody/
---
I've shared some of my mental health issues in the past, with some selected friends, but with my ED it's kind of different. I don't know why, actually. Maybe it's because we want people to notice our weight loss and compliment us on it, without saying we're sick? I have no fucking idea. It's confusing.

what's the saddest thing you've eaten lately
/u/duskedfur [5'7"|CW: 107|16.7|UGW: 103|F]
Created: Wed Aug 29 10:26:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9basoj/whats_the_saddest_thing_youve_eaten_lately/
---
my lunch that i'm eating rn is packets of taco bell mild sauce and water mixed together and microwaved to make 'soup'


it's kinda good

I want to be free.
/u/Flesh-And-Bone
Created: Wed Aug 29 10:24:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9barw5/i_want_to_be_free/
---
Free from calorie counting. Free from meticulous "clean eating." Free from weight anxiety. Free from self-loathing. Free from body checking.

I'm in a cage of my own making, and I deserve this.

[Rant/Rave] Super gross and super happy content
/u/twa1238
Created: Wed Aug 29 10:19:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9baqbg/super_gross_and_super_happy_content/
---
Ok so every morning I weigh myself and write down the number, no matter if good or bad. I don’t know what’s happening but I’m not losing anything right now even though I’m restricting/fasting so hard, weight fluctuates around a plateau and this morning I weighed 200gram more which was KILLING me and I really really didn’t want to have to write down something depressing like that again tomorrow.

So since I had to work this afternoon I thought let’s go and buy laxatives this morning. Mind you, I haven’t bought them in three years and didn’t really remember how they ~~~worked~~~~. So I swallowed the smallest recommend dose because I was being responsible (haha) and ate a little non-fat yoghurt after and nothing happened. I waited a few more hours and nothing happened. I got frustrated and took more, nothing happened besides a little grumbling in my stomach. I said to myself oh well the laxatives are too weak, forgot about them, went to work.

At work I had to eat my lunch (looks like Mac and cheese, keeps my co-workers from constantly talking about my eating habits and has 310 calories) and OH BOY IT STARTED.

I’m currently on the toilet at work which usually would be so embarrassing for me but I’m just SO HAPPYYYYYY. I didn’t take a shit in four (five?) days even though I tried so hard lol. I’m in here for like 15 minutes now and it’s sooooo good Hahahaha


THANK YOU LAXATIVES I LOVE YOU(but I won’t take you before work anymore)

sorry @ my co-workers though


[Rant/Rave] Take that you fucking cunt.
/u/RJW256
Created: Wed Aug 29 10:11:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bans4/take_that_you_fucking_cunt/
---
My stomach is rumbling, well fuck you you're going to fucking starve for being a piece of shit lol.

[Tip] just made the saddest hot chocolate ever
/u/burrochevola [5’3’’ | 127 lbs | ugw: 👻]
Created: Wed Aug 29 10:03:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bal1i/just_made_the_saddest_hot_chocolate_ever/
---
it was literally hot water, unsweetened cocoa powder n stevia and i'm not gonna lie to u it was horrible lmao
literally tasted like hot water chocolate flavored but i was craving chocolate n it was only 36 calories so wHO eVEN cAreS

[Goal] Sometimes actaully listening to your body is good
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2 | 152 | Aiming for 146 by 9/25 | -10 Lost | f21]
Created: Wed Aug 29 10:01:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bakc2/sometimes_actaully_listening_to_your_body_is_good/
---
Yeah I know that's foreign to us, But hear me out.

For the longest time I've tried to force myself into eating only once or twice during the day because I only really eat at night for binges or "normal" cycles so acsociation with gaining weight and everyone talks about OMAD being great. I finally realized that I legitimately get hungry around 8pm because I'm a night owl who basically only does stuff at night, plus cico right? Doesn't matter WHEN, in theory.

So I've been shaving off calories at lunch and dinner and saving about 100 for late snack(still staying at 800-900) and I feel SO much better it's amazing how it's the same amount of food but just reorganizing makes the difference. I no longer want to binge at night and I don't overeat at dinner because I feel like it's my "last" food for the day and it's allowed. Also it's amazing how much food I can configure for 75-100

I'm also proud I've not gone off the deep end and started skipping lunch , I still basically have my routine with added snack and I'm finally feeling not anxious about it. Pretty confident in fact, even though I'm not weighing I'll see the results eventually. But I feel like this is 100% more sustainable

[Discussion] Tell me one thing you hate about yourself...
/u/thecalcographer [5'4 | CW: 105-107 | UGW: 94 | F]
Created: Wed Aug 29 10:00:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9bak03/tell_me_one_thing_you_hate_about_yourself/
---
and everyone else, comment with people (celebrities, Instagrammers, models, whatever) who are considered beautiful and who have that same trait. Bonus points of that trait is why they’re considered attractive (ie lots of women hate having a deep voice but it’s considered Scarlett Johansson’s sexiest trait). I thought this might be a fun way for people to reframe the way they think about the parts of themselves they don’t like.

Something that has helped me reduce my purging this week
/u/thindreaming [5'9 | 25F | bmi 24.1]
Created: Wed Aug 29 09:42:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9baeer/something_that_has_helped_me_reduce_my_purging/
---
I saw a post somewhere (probably here) for an app to track progress. I'm definitely one of those people that needs a "streak" to keep track of to further my progress, but it's easy to ignore it when it's just in my head and not written in front of me.


I've had issues b/ping for going on 8 years now and apart from when I was in therapy, I haven't been able to go more than a day without purging when I'm on my own, even if I don't binge. I'm equally terrified of food but cannot resist it.


Alas. I found this app on iOS called "Done" and it looks like this
https://imgur.com/a/THFEg1K

and even though I just started last week (and failed immediately -__-) I feel like this has really helped my mental state and attitude towards purging, and subsequently binging. Since I can't purge cause I don't want to break my streak, I have avoided a couple binges this week. Going from a mentality of "i can eat whatever i'll just throw it up" to this in a week is mindblowing.



I set a goal to not binge for 30 days :) Wish me luck! I hope this post can help someone else start a streak for whatever habit they wish to make or break! <3

No one warned me of the possibility of health issues showing up at normal BMI
/u/LateAsparagus [24F | BMI 22.9 | queen of weight fluctuation]
Created: Wed Aug 29 09:20:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ba7hp/no_one_warned_me_of_the_possibility_of_health/
---
I pretty much though that you'd have to be severely underweight to start experiences these kinds of things but man was I wrong. No period at BMI 21-23? Cool. Having hair fall off in clumps despite wearing size medium? It's more likely than you think. Bruised knees from kneeling down to reach something from under the bed? Happens on the regular. Not to even touch on the issues of the dry skin, tiredness + inability to sleep, inability to concentrate, lethargy, and other fun stuff. All this stuff and I can't even get skinny, if I got to suggest a slogan for EDNOS I'd go with "all pain, no gain*".


*^(apart from the literal weight gain thanks to binge episodes)

Gaining weight after going off birth control pills?
/u/Jtgonc
Created: Wed Aug 29 08:34:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b9tbc/gaining_weight_after_going_off_birth_control_pills/
---
ok so I’m suuuuuper irresponsible and went off birth control pills for the past like month (I mean I’m currently in a dry spell but still) and have been so bloated since then. I know some people gain weight from going on birth control, but is it possible to gain weight from going off it? I called my pharmacy today and will be picking up a new pack of pills tomorrow

[Rant/Rave] I fucked up
/u/BunnyAwesome [5'7"| F | CW 125 | GW 110]
Created: Wed Aug 29 08:23:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b9psx/i_fucked_up/
---
Pretty badly, at work. Completely ruined something for a client by not being vigilant enough. I'm sure and being assured that it's not that bad and actually mostly not my fault but my head is screaming at me.

So I'm bingeing.

But I'm also full of self loathing and have eaten 630cal today already so I'm bingeing on stock cubes in hot water like some kind of pauper soup for sinners.

I am a joke.

[Rant/Rave] the concept of being thin vs. actually being thin
/u/smallpaint [6'2" | god help me | M]
Created: Wed Aug 29 08:20:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b9p3d/the_concept_of_being_thin_vs_actually_being_thin/
---
I’ve been doing okay again recently, after a long period of binges / overeating. The problem is that as I lose weight, I lose the ability to tell myself “your bone structure is okay, your face just looks like that because you’re fat right now.”

The most depressing truth, though, is that there’s no attractive — or even average — face hiding underneath my last ~20lbs of fat. I think that’s what drives me back into binging — not pure addiction, but the need for a comforting illusion. *Someday* my forehead won’t take up 50% of my face, *someday* my jaw will strengthen, *someday* my cheekbones and skull shape will gently shift into proper symmetry.

I’m not capable of looking reality in the face, so I gain and lose and maintain the delusion.

[Discussion] DAE wish they had a cyst/tumor that made them weigh more?
/u/nekkedpebbl [Height 5'2" | CW 108lbs | GW 100lbs| -8lbs]
Created: Wed Aug 29 08:13:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b9myw/dae_wish_they_had_a_cysttumor_that_made_them/
---
Okay guys it’s totally fine if this is just not your cup of tea and I totally get that actually having cysts and tumors can be horrible and miserable but I just can’t get this out of my head:

So last night I somehow ended up browsing r/popping and there were these videos of horses and cows getting abscesses popped and literally *gallons* of fluid pouring out and literally all I could think of is all of the “water weight” that would be lost and wouldn’t it be awesome if you could just like pop your fat and just have it pour out?? Or like the one lady who had a 50 lb cyst removed? So you don’t *actually weigh that much, it’s just the shit that growing inside of you that’s fucking up the scale? I mean hell yeah please let that be it

Lol I’m sorry this was weird. Hope y’all have a good day!

Finally overweight..
/u/milk_yy
Created: Wed Aug 29 08:00:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b9j0g/finally_overweight/
---
I became obese (84kg, 160cm) during an abusive relationship. Now I am 77kg and I am just overweight. My bmi is exactly 30!! I'm still fat but I'm making progress :))

[Discussion] Anyone else have ridiculous/unattainable time management goals?
/u/BeginningBarnacle
Created: Wed Aug 29 07:57:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b9i9p/anyone_else_have_ridiculousunattainable_time/
---
I’ve decided that starting sept I should start getting up at 4am
I think even 5am will be a challenge but for some reason I’ve picked 4 and I know deep down anything else will be a failure.
Additionally I often think I can finish assignments/work in ridiculously short amounts of time 🤦🏽‍♀️🤷‍♀️

[Rant/Rave] Ruined my no purge streak, missed spending time with my dad
/u/crankyhedgiebutt
Created: Wed Aug 29 07:51:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b9gkp/ruined_my_no_purge_streak_missed_spending_time/
---
Ughhh it’s almost been a week since I’ve purged and last night I gave into it. I spent like an hour making myself throw up instead of spending time with my dad. I felt so guilty about eating stuff that I couldn’t just deal and enjoy the little time I had with him.

And my throat hurts from it too. Drinking coffee was fun for sure. But damn if you take my coffee away!! At least I haven’t taken laxatives and am finally pooping on my own. So that’s a plus.

[Rant/Rave] I want my bones back :(
/u/feellikegucci [5'2 | cw: 145 | 26.4 | gw: 88 | -13lbs | 18 F]
Created: Wed Aug 29 07:49:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b9fxk/i_want_my_bones_back/
---
So I was never underweight, but at a normal weight I could see my collarbones prettt well and ribs slightly and it was SO nice to suck in and see those bad boys saying hello to me. It was a taste of being underweight.

But yea. Now I've gained enough to be back at overweight. I cannot see my ribs now. Not even my collarbones. It's driving me insane!! I keep checking in the mirror all the time but they will not appear. It has hit me like a truck. How did I let myself get so fat I can't even my ribs no matter how hard I suck in?!? Ugh.

It makes me even more impatient to lose weight. I need them back. I feel like going nuts looking at my reflection.

[Rant/Rave] At the pool with my friends. I want to die.
/u/4gotmyfuckinpassword [172cm | CW: 68kg | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Wed Aug 29 07:46:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b9fbr/at_the_pool_with_my_friends_i_want_to_die/
---
It’s me, 3 other girls and 5 guys.

2 of the girls are like 5 ft and teeny tiny with amazing bodies. The other girl is literally stick thin and looks like a model.

Obvs they’re all wearing bikinis and look hot af, I’m in a GIANT T-shirt and shorts because I don’t feel comfortable showing my disgusting body.

The guys were like “yooo we should lift ppl on our shoulders and make like a human totem pole!!!” And then they proceeded to ask EVERY OTHER GIRL BUT ME IF THEY WOULD GO AND ITS PROBABLY BECAUSE I AM FAT AND HUGE AND THEY WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO LIFT ME

COOL.

Brb gonna go never eat again 😊😊😊😊😊

[Help] Does anyone lose weight without counting calories?
/u/narkreturn
Created: Wed Aug 29 07:40:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b9dni/does_anyone_lose_weight_without_counting_calories/
---
I’m quitting calorie counting because whenever I slightly go over my calorie limit for the day I end up binging cause I’m upset. If I just consciously eat less then I won’t know how many calories and therefore won’t binge. Does anyone have experience with this?

[Help] Im bloated and my mom suggested water pills
/u/ISetMyGnomesOnFire
Created: Wed Aug 29 07:33:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b9bi0/im_bloated_and_my_mom_suggested_water_pills/
---
My period ended sunday and NOW im bloated.

Its so uncomfortable.

&#x200B;

My mom said to try water pills. any recommendations

[Rant/Rave] Do you guys find it hard to have a normal meal without feeling guilt?
/u/serendipi7y_
Created: Wed Aug 29 07:25:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b99l0/do_you_guys_find_it_hard_to_have_a_normal_meal/
---
or trying to exercise or purge it out after a meal? I realized i can never eat a normal meal without feeling guility about it and purging it out later on. I want to eat without gaining weight, but i can never have a normal meal without thinking I might gain weight.

What r ur tricks for curbing hunger
/u/gkelleyr
Created: Wed Aug 29 07:22:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b98nt/what_r_ur_tricks_for_curbing_hunger/
---
My sweet tooth is the worst at night but all day Long if I see food I want to snack even if I just ate. Making tea helps but it’s not full proof cause I just the sensation of eating. And also I hate not getting something I want in general so if a part of my mind says I want a food then I feel extra deprived not having it.

Anyone else trying to fast today?
/u/mermaiddreamsss
Created: Wed Aug 29 07:11:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b95rt/anyone_else_trying_to_fast_today/
---


[Rant/Rave] I took up smoking to stop eating
/u/almc879213
Created: Wed Aug 29 06:55:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b919a/i_took_up_smoking_to_stop_eating/
---
I feel really shitty right now, because I know what I’m doing isn’t a great idea. But I’m so desperate for an ounce of self control over my appetite that I’ve thrown caution to the wind, and now I’m willing to do anything.

What a great start to the day, amirite?

The first guy I (almost) hooked up with told me I looked like a girl "who liked her food".
/u/tinyfleabite [5'2.5|94 lbs|BMI 17| I don't eat I photosynthesise]
Created: Wed Aug 29 06:40:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b8xel/the_first_guy_i_almost_hooked_up_with_told_me_i/
---
Just after bragging about not eating all day, too. Not saying it gave me an ED or anything, but jfc I was 13 and he was 23 and it was all kinds of wrong. Dumbass me thought he was super cool and funny too. Why am I even posting this.

Turns out people think I’m even uglier than i think i am
/u/BaoBeii
Created: Wed Aug 29 06:37:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b8wl9/turns_out_people_think_im_even_uglier_than_i/
---
Okay so i was feeling pretty bad about myself last night and i figured maybe my body dysmorphia is just messing with my head, so i posted on one of those subreddits where people can rate you (surely THAT was a great idea). And all of the replies were like 5/10 (I’m sure that was being generous) and most of the comments either called me chubby or told me that i should lose weight. Guess I’m going to restrict and hate myself forever! I just want to lay in bed and cry all day now.

[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! August 29, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Aug 29 06:11:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b8q3g/daily_food_diary_august_29_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for August 29, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)


[Sticky] Way To Go Wednesday August 29, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Wed Aug 29 06:11:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b8pyp/way_to_go_wednesday_august_29_2018/
---
This is the weekly achievement thread for August 29, 2018.

This weekly thread is to spotlight those achievements you feel don't necessarily warrant their own post, but you'd like to celebrate all the same. This is not limited to specifically ED-related goals; share anything you are happy about having done or accomplished recently!

*****

Achievement threads are posted every Wednesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)


Today is my birthday and the first thing I did was edit my flair LOL
/u/allkindsofnewyou [5'2 | 95 | BMI 17 | F 24]
Created: Wed Aug 29 06:09:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b8pk2/today_is_my_birthday_and_the_first_thing_i_did/
---
🎁🎈🎉🎊

I just ate three packets of crisps
/u/iron_blanket
Created: Wed Aug 29 06:04:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b8o63/i_just_ate_three_packets_of_crisps/
---
Fml I just walked into one of our meeting rooms and inhaled three packets of crisps

450 cals.

I want to purge but it would be so inappropriate at work

EUPHORIA
/u/gabebega
Created: Wed Aug 29 05:50:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b8kun/euphoria/
---
I woke up in the middle of the night to pee and then started checking myself at the mirror...I lost weight and I can see my bones....went back to bed and couldn’t fucking sleep cause I felt like I did coke or something. Couldn’t stop thinking about how awesome I am going to look/be, what people will say...and then I feel guilty cause it’s so vain and stupid. But that’s what an ED feels like sometimes.

[Other] Trying not to binge..
/u/gauntlyghost [1.68cm | CW :cake: | BMI 19something | F]
Created: Wed Aug 29 05:49:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b8ko3/trying_not_to_binge/
---
&#x200B;

[Would still count the calories..](https://i.redd.it/dhaml437t0j11.jpg)

Literal, uncontrollable bingeing
/u/sriracha_henny
Created: Wed Aug 29 05:41:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b8ij0/literal_uncontrollable_bingeing/
---
Hey all.

Okay so I’ll admit it: I used to describe my binge eating as “auto pilot” or “zoning out” because I did it so often, and picked up on so much ed terminology, that I kind of gave myself the excuse to keep doing it. Lately I’ve cut back on bingeing and night eating and I managed to lose 10 pounds (and I’m terrified I’ll gain it back).

But then, when I *do* binge. GIRL. Sometimes it actually feels like I’m having an out of body experience. I’m writing this as I binge and feel pretty autonomous doing so, but lately, these binges are scaring me. It really feels like I’m leaving my body. I can see it all happening, of course, but I feel like my head goes silent. I don’t even mentally tell myself to stop, I just keep fucking eating until I pull away, horrified.

Anyone else like this?

[Rant/Rave] My Body Gallery Wakeup Call
/u/hungryhippocrit
Created: Wed Aug 29 04:56:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b8890/my_body_gallery_wakeup_call/
---
So I randomly remembered that this site existed. For a while now I have been fooling myself that "If I could only get to 120-125 I will be happy and maintain".

So out of curiosity I start looking at people by height and body shape at different weights.... and I dawned on me--- I will still hate my body no matter how much I lose. I was looking at girls in the under 100 category and pretending they were pictures of me and nitpicking little things. I see other pictures of girls and think they look great, but stripped down and face blurred out, if I pretend I'm looking at a photo of me, I dislike it.

/endrant

So I slept with a guy last night
/u/billiedove [5'8 | 114 | 17.3 | Who even knows anymore | F]
Created: Wed Aug 29 04:33:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b83l0/so_i_slept_with_a_guy_last_night/
---
And he left this morning for work and let me stay at his place. He told me to go ahead and eat if I was hungry.

Now, I live alone and I just don’t keep food in the house. When I eat, I’ll buy it straight away, make it, eat it.

Guys. GUYS. This dude has everything. He lives alone and his fridge is stocked to the brim! I’ve been staring at every cupboard for like an hour. Nutella! The two best kinds of peanut butter! Bread! Three kinds of cereals! Two kinds of yogurt! Milk! CHIPS! Unfinished bags of chips! Who buys chips and doesn’t finish it right away? Pasta sauce! Cheese, like, ALL THE CHEESE! Cold cuts! Pickles! Wine! Juice! How can anyone have so much food, live alone, and not eat all of it?

I’m fascinated. I now low key want to have access to more people’s fridge now. Just to see.

Oh, and I had a banana. Tempted to put nutella on it but that’s a slippery slope.

[Help] What's the best time to weigh yourself?
/u/Dontloseyour-Ed [5ft | CW: 102lbs | BMI: 39 | GW: 86lbs | 16F]
Created: Wed Aug 29 04:10:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b7yo6/whats_the_best_time_to_weigh_yourself/
---
I know you weigh more in the evening but what's the best time for getting an accurate, consistent weight? Thank you

Advice needed
/u/bodiestalk
Created: Wed Aug 29 03:53:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b7v8x/advice_needed/
---
I’m pregnant and feel so defeated about my body. This leads to me binge eating daily. I feel terrible physically- it’s not enjoyable in the slightest.

I’m an all-or-nothing person. Before I found out I was pregnant, I finally hit my fasting stride and had fairly good self control. But eating at maintenance has always been impossible for me.

I want to be kind to my body and my baby. Any strategies for eating in moderation would be so appreciated.

Love this community, love to all of you. Thanks for reading.

What do I do :(
/u/ramen_nudes
Created: Wed Aug 29 03:52:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b7uy2/what_do_i_do/
---
I’ve been fasting for 2 days and I allowed myself dinner (a bit of chicken, rice salad) which was definitely enough for the day, but later on I got the craving for McDonald’s, which is so weird because I typically find McDonald’s utterly repulsive, and I gave in to a med fry, nuggets and a burger. I feel disgusting. I don’t want to purge but my stomach is in so much pain and I have a headache (I think from the sodium). I’m trying to drink as much water as I can but my body keeps wanting to purge. I don’t usually give in to cravings like this and I’m crying and I feel so gross, what do I do?

Body horror
/u/Dean_Friedman
Created: Wed Aug 29 03:49:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b7ueg/body_horror/
---
I kind of feel a panick attack coming right now. For the past ~5-7 years, I’ve lived with a pretty positive attitude towards my body. I genuinely felt “normal” when it came to my relationship with my body and food- maybe even better than normal.


Over the past few months I’ve lost about 30lbs through calorie restriction, fasting, and cocaine in a completely unstructured manner. A couple weeks ago I finally decided to start going back to the gym, and I’ve been feeling pretty great about it. I stopped doing hard drugs, stopped drinking alcohol, made and effort to eat healthy, tracked all my macros, and drank more water.


Then comes today. I picked up some coke, got moderately high, and drank a beer. For some reason, I feel way worse than I usually would while doing this. I felt anxious and on the verge of tears all night, so I decided to take a shower. When I saw myself naked in the mirror, the only term I can use to describe my revulsion is “body horror”. I didn’t even recognize myself and I wanted to crawl out of my skin. I’ve never felt so fat and out-of-shape. I know that I’m at a “healthy” weight, somewhat thin, but now I’m just confused and disillusioned. I don’t know wether or not I was tricking myself into thinking I looked ok before. I can’t even face myself right now. I want to die and disappear.


I’m so shocked by this feeling. I don’t know what to do. I haven’t felt like this in years. I really thought I was over all of this.

[Help] Nude photoshoot coming...
/u/dearheyjules
Created: Wed Aug 29 03:26:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b7pvi/nude_photoshoot_coming/
---
I had lost 10kg last december and maintained it for a while. But by june I just gained it all back and I'm in this huge binge spree for almost a month. I wanna lose back at least 7kg until 15th sept. I know it's a short time and I'm way too depressed to exercise but too anxious not to want to eat. I am so so so lost. It's like there are two me's in my head.

Anyone have any diets/fast result plans so I can reach that? I don't know how to get off of my binge eating right now.

I go from binge eating to restricting and I feel like a failure all the time. Also I can't take the pics if I don't lose weight.

Please
Help
Me

[Discussion] DAE crave an aesthetic??
/u/4gotmyfuckinpassword [172cm | CW: 68kg | GW: 115 | F]
Created: Wed Aug 29 03:20:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b7ovs/dae_crave_an_aesthetic/
---
Like sometimes I crave a look sometimes more than the skinniness itself.

Like the look I’ll have once I’m skinny enough to have it.



[Tip] Good apps?
/u/Ednosonline
Created: Wed Aug 29 02:45:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b7ihe/good_apps/
---
Hoping this doesn't go against rule #1, I'll admit I am not super clear on what things it forbids.

Anyhoo

Apps! What apps are you currently using e.g. to track exercise and similar? I am looking to optimize my motivation to stay on track...

Mine:
- MyFitnessPal: I don't have the paid version, but I couldn't live without this currently.
- Fitbit: I mainly use this to track my sleep and period, tbh
- Reddit: Well, this subreddit has turned out to be the most supportive place I have found :3

[Other] Hmmm interesting health diet
/u/Sgt_rumble
Created: Wed Aug 29 02:45:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b7idm/hmmm_interesting_health_diet/
---
https://i.redd.it/j21aiqnokvi11.jpg

I just cleaned my house in preparation for some family coming over. I don't know if they'll figure out the ED. Hopefully they just assume I'm an incompetent bachelor.
/u/EDthrowaway343 [6'6" | 210 lbs | M | Unhealthily maintaining]
Created: Wed Aug 29 02:40:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b7hm1/i_just_cleaned_my_house_in_preparation_for_some/
---
So, I have no food in the house except for an entire cabinet of calorie free drinks and mixes, plus some cans of soup. It didn't occur to me how fucked up that was until I was looking at my kitchen cabinets.

Three dozen sugarfree spiced cider boxes looks a little bit suspect, doesn't it?

Accurate (repost)
/u/amooni95
Created: Wed Aug 29 01:58:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b7a4y/accurate_repost/
---
https://i.redd.it/rvfrhum2ozi11.jpg

Why won't my weight go back down?
/u/vintagetimetable
Created: Tue Aug 28 23:15:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b6e8r/why_wont_my_weight_go_back_down/
---

So, usually, I weigh 44.0 kg. However, for the past two weeks, my weight has been bouncing around-



first 45.5 kg, then 44.9 kg, then 44.4 kg, over the span of two weeks.



However, day before yesterday, I weighed 44.1 kg, which is 100 g over my starting weight. And then, yesterday and today, I weighed 44.2 kg.



Why is my weight stuck 100-200 grams above my usual weight? I'm eating around 1550 calories a day, and my sedentary TDEE is 1600... why is my weight higher? Please help!

I don't know what to do
/u/IDontLikeLollipops
Created: Tue Aug 28 22:45:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b682r/i_dont_know_what_to_do/
---
Let's start off with I'm an incredible actor. But I don't seem like one. This leads me to be an even better actor. I can give away just enough information that they feel like I'm drunkenly spilling everything, but I'm actually not giving anything I care about away.

This kind of shit is bad. Over the summer I had two friends who knew, but neither knew the whole story and now I'm away from both.

I also dumped my fiance because I'm a terrible person and can't handle him right now even though he's fucking wonderful and I want to die because of it.

Anyway, neither summer person knew the full extent of my eating disorder (my ex didn't know either, but he's such a trigger I'm not really going to discuss him). They didn't know how I had dropped lower than ever before, how I've been purging or c/s-ing. Both knew I was attempting to restrict.

One knew my restriction was hopeful, she also had a history of eating disorders and was doing her best to be there for me to talk to.

The other knew my ed was a result of my anxiety/depression. He tried so hard to be such a good friend but ended up being an inconvenience to me. He would try to forcefeed me shit and I KNOW that he was using me as an outlet to make him feel better about his own shit.

The second is the one I love. I know that this love is platonic and probably sexual (it's really fucking good, but I've never had non-romantic sexual love so it's possible I'm wrong), I have no idea whether or not it's romantic, but I'd be willing to give it a shot.

I accidentally told a third basically everything, but he has a lot of problems and when I asked him not to check up on me he agreed, and I believe he won't.

I don't know what I want with the second, and I don't know what he wants work me.

I'm visiting the second on Thursday, and the first on Saturday.

I'm terrified.

I'm doing really bad, but I know they both care for me and I'm trying my hardest to do good for them. They mean more to me than anything I can possibly mean to myself. I fucking hate myself. They are the only things keeping me alive and I'm terrified that they're gonna leave me. But I'm also terrified that they're gonna discover who I really am and judge/try to fix me based on that.

I am so fucking conflicted about myself, how the fuck am I supposed to let anyone else in. I have an appointment with my University therapist next week and I honestly don't know what to do. I don't want to recover. I don't really to be better. I want to get skinnier and skinnier until someone loves me for it, but whenever I get there I'm not going to believe them and I hate me. I hate everything about me. I'm an enemy of me.

I have no idea what to do.

[Discussion] I don’t really understand how people can derive pleasure from junk food.
/u/EIrvine88
Created: Tue Aug 28 22:41:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b674u/i_dont_really_understand_how_people_can_derive/
---
It’s painful to be fat, and it’s painful to eat things you know will lead you there. People ask me to eat cookies and cheetos as if its ok with me and it disgusts me so much. I just can’t do it. I don’t want to eat anymore.

Do you ever just get a sudden burst of motivation?
/u/nihilistatari [5'2 | Too much | 21 | Not enough | Male]
Created: Tue Aug 28 22:17:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b61rc/do_you_ever_just_get_a_sudden_burst_of_motivation/
---
I've been in a horrible binge phase for the past few months, but, honestly, I get these moments where I just get insanely inspired and feel like I can not eat for days. However, the problem is just following through. It sucks that it fades when I wake up and drag myself through the morning just to go to school.

[Other] Food stuck in vending machine, or a hidden message to not binge??
/u/elevenbravo274 [5'7 | 114 | 17.8 | F]
Created: Tue Aug 28 22:12:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b60qs/food_stuck_in_vending_machine_or_a_hidden_message/
---
https://i.redd.it/02nkbbjpjyi11.jpg

[Discussion] How to lose food/water weight after a binge?
/u/staticphat
Created: Tue Aug 28 21:51:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b5vlc/how_to_lose_foodwater_weight_after_a_binge/
---
Usually after I binge, I drink as much water as possible and try to go as long without eating the day after. I don’t think it helps but it does help me feel like I’m peeing out some of the water weight. What do you guys do?

[Other] When this pops up under “recommended for you” on YouTube
/u/myrtlewils0n [5'5" | CW: 120lbs | BMI: 20 | UGW: 110 | 22F]
Created: Tue Aug 28 21:49:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b5vaw/when_this_pops_up_under_recommended_for_you_on/
---
https://youtu.be/5jx4dDPzfzM

Does anyone want to be my accountabilibuddy for fasting tomorrow?
/u/facesonplaces
Created: Tue Aug 28 21:41:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b5tjv/does_anyone_want_to_be_my_accountabilibuddy_for/
---
I’ve been hard into the b/p cycle and it’s getting dangerous. I need a cleanse. Can anyone support me in this?

[Discussion] DAE visit Starbucks today for their new fall drinks?
/u/skinnylilalien
Created: Tue Aug 28 21:06:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b5l2p/dae_visit_starbucks_today_for_their_new_fall/
---
Ahhh the sweet goodness of pumpkin spice chai, I’ve missed you!!

I just want it to be over
/u/witchy2628 [5'3 | CW: 104.4| SW:190| 24f]
Created: Tue Aug 28 20:54:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b5ht2/i_just_want_it_to_be_over/
---
I've lost 90 lbs. And I thought once I got to this point, I'd feel really pretty and confident and HAPPY. But I'm all upset over this guy and the only thing I can think about is losing the last 10 lbs (which also feels way harder than the others? It used to be so easy). I just want to STOP being so hyper focused on my body but I'm not ready to give it up until I hit my gw. I just wish the process wasnt so miserable.

I cant flair on mobile but this is a rant for sure

[Rant/Rave] There was a small earthquake in my area....
/u/staticphat
Created: Tue Aug 28 20:49:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b5gm1/there_was_a_small_earthquake_in_my_area/
---
....and I didn’t feel it bc I was fucking binging on uncooked ramen noodles.

Oh, I also bit into a frozen hard boiled egg today AND KEPT EATING. I hate myself sometimes lmao.

[Rant/Rave] my friend said something about my body and it really hurt.
/u/milk-and-honie
Created: Tue Aug 28 20:35:36 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b5cza/my_friend_said_something_about_my_body_and_it/
---
We’re pretty good buddies and I see him often working out at the gym where I work. We have a pretty antagonistic-but-in-a-playful-way relationship. Today, he stopped me on my way to the laundry room out back with some towels. He dumped them in my basket (which was awesome, usually people throw them on the ground to be collected).

Then he made me put the basket down. He said something like “do a spin”, so I did because I’ve lost 20 lbs recently (slowly enough that no one really has noticed). I was expecting him to comment on the weight loss, because I’m 179 lbs now instead of the 202 that I was beginning this year.

“Your arms are looking pretty flabby, if you flexed it would all would just hang down.” He said instead, smirking, and I’m going to remember that for the rest of my fucking dying days. I just laughed and excused myself with the towels to go cry in the laundry room for twenty minutes. He was probably joking is what I’m wishfully thinking but I know he’s right, I’m fucking disgustingly fat and my arms are huge and they *are* flabby.

I guess I’m going to the gym before working tomorrow and after class. I feel so sick to my stomach now.

[Help] restricting causing flashbacks ?
/u/rainesaway
Created: Tue Aug 28 20:34:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b5ck7/restricting_causing_flashbacks/
---
so i have a lot of past trauma and i started really really restricting again fairly recently. my flashbacks went away while i was “recovered” but they’re coming back and i was wondering if this has happened to anyone else ? it’s absolutely terrible

[Help] I've got until Nov 11th to drop 18lbs help!
/u/AnxietyDepressedFun
Created: Tue Aug 28 20:29:55 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b5bed/ive_got_until_nov_11th_to_drop_18lbs_help/
---
Massive sugar addict, I'll restrict only to then eat 4 lemon poppyseed muffins in a row. My Fiance & I are going to London & Paris with his very "in shape, thin, athletic mom" and I already take enough shit for my recent weight gain from medication. I know I can do this. CICO is my BFF but if anyone has any tips as to how to whip my ass into actually doing my best. Also Fiance says if I hit my Goal he'll buy me two new things to wear on this vacation so help remind me I can do this.

I almost missed the bus because I was body checking
/u/throwawayyyyy60497
Created: Tue Aug 28 20:25:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b5aaq/i_almost_missed_the_bus_because_i_was_body/
---
This morning I was so hyper focused on every imperfection and noticing every slight difference from the night before that I almost missed the bus. It's weird how in that moment the only thing that mattered in the world was how my body looked. I wasn't aware of anything else around me, just observing my body.


[Other] its never enough for us
/u/scaledrops
Created: Tue Aug 28 20:19:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b58pc/its_never_enough_for_us/
---
https://i.redd.it/hw6wovfkzxi11.png

[Rant/Rave] an emotional (numb?) rant
/u/planetskinny
Created: Tue Aug 28 20:17:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b585g/an_emotional_numb_rant/
---
so i found out i’m obese. and honestly i feel like shit for it. i’m teetering on the highest edge of going back to overweight and on the lowest point of being obese. i’ve always thought i looked obese (even though i’m not like, super big or anything), but my disordered ass blew this out of proportion and i’m kind of numb. not numb to the point of dissociating but numb to the point of not being able to cry. and i should be frustrated about the fact that i can’t cry but i just don’t feel anything. FUCK. honestly is it bad that i just want to lower my calorie intake now? and like do more fasting? or is this a normal disordered reaction because i really need to know i’m not alone.

This sounds ridiculous, but I am terrified of ...
/u/xvxpunk
Created: Tue Aug 28 20:02:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b546f/this_sounds_ridiculous_but_i_am_terrified_of/
---
Using lotion. No joke. I am worried that if it touches my skin my body will absorb the oil in it and I will gain weight. I know it sounds dumb, but I have actually had panic attacks after using lotion. I've had this fear for over a year now. Sadly, I have all these nice Hempz lotions that I really want to use (they smell so nice!) but I just can't. Does anyone else here have any similar fears or am I just going crazy? :(

[Discussion] It would be nice to have a chatroom ED related
/u/clapyourhandsaywoo [1.58 | 51 | 5 ]
Created: Tue Aug 28 19:59:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b539o/it_would_be_nice_to_have_a_chatroom_ed_related/
---
[removed]

I see the light
/u/ShiningSeason
Created: Tue Aug 28 19:52:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b51io/i_see_the_light/
---
I was briefly convinced to eat 1200 calories a day.. That lasted roughly a week 😂 How can I eat 1.2k when I'm disgusting and so far from my goal. I'll just go back to my daily coffee meal, thanks

Slipping back into ED as a form of control?
/u/HelloUsagi [5'1 | CW: 145 | GW: 120 | F]
Created: Tue Aug 28 19:37:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b4xas/slipping_back_into_ed_as_a_form_of_control/
---
Long time lurker here and have been battling my body image for so long. Recently things in my life have started to really spiral out of my control and I've slipped back into my ED as a way of at least controlling something in my life, even if its only my body.


I'm easily the biggest I've been in years and my body image couldn't be more negative. I don't really know where I'm going with this but I just wanted to finally reach out and join the community

Haven't had a disordered thought all day!
/u/kernalmustache [169cm ♀ | CW 105lbs | BMI 16.7 | SW 130lbs 🌸]
Created: Tue Aug 28 18:47:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b4k60/havent_had_a_disordered_thought_all_day/
---
So yesterday somebody made a post, can't remember if it was here or in another subreddit, which had a link to website where you could put in information about your proportions and it would compare you to over people. The site says that data was collected from over 2000 people and it shows you are bar that encapsulates the averages. I made a pretty unwise decision to put in all my information and I found out that of my highest measurements I'm average for someone of my height and for the others I'm below average (so turned out great for me :D). Basically this is great because I've been struggling with feeling big as a result of both my eating disorder and my gender dysphoria, but I just found out scientifically that I absolutely am petite and I am so happy! I've been looking at myself in the mirror and it's like suddenly I can see how i actually look. No body dysmorphia at all to tell me that shoulders are too wide or my chest is too bulky or my waist isn't slim enough. I genuinely just feel great. It's like a huge weight has been lifted. All it took was a little effort to make myself feel pretty again after a few weeks of like not shaving my legs and stuff and now I'm in a wonderful mood!

I'm sick of passing out
/u/JayLenoBlows [trans | BPD | 18f | 6' 145lbs]
Created: Tue Aug 28 18:41:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b4imk/im_sick_of_passing_out/
---
It makes me feel unsafe, weak, and pathetic. It raises suspicion and I could get hurt.


I wish I was healthy.

[Other] The Science of Addictive Food
/u/throwaway2019170
Created: Tue Aug 28 18:32:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b4g83/the_science_of_addictive_food/
---
https://youtu.be/4cpdb78pWl4

I didn’t realize what I’d been doing for the last week was binging. Where do I go from here? I want to die.
/u/trytostay
Created: Tue Aug 28 18:30:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b4fnd/i_didnt_realize_what_id_been_doing_for_the_last/
---
Suddenly it’s been seven days of “oh I’ll just have a snack” and now I’ve gained five pounds and stepping on the scale actually makes me want to stab myself.

It just hit me that what I’ve been doing is binging. No one ever wants you for this post-binge feeling. I honestly think I might be suicidal right now and the only way to calm myself down is telling myself that I’ll fix it by starving myself for a week or two until the scale is back where it should be.

I hate this :(

ED Logic makes zero sense
/u/tuesdayschildis [5'7|132 lb|20.6|GW:125]
Created: Tue Aug 28 18:19:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b4czd/ed_logic_makes_zero_sense/
---
In the almost year that I feel like I binged straight, I would kill to be at maintenance, let alone a deficit of any kind. Now that my mind has flipped a switch and I’m restricting, I feel guilty for eating 1200 calories even though my TDEE is around 2200-2300 because of how much I walk and work, so I purge a single cookie and a handful of granola?
Seriously I don’t understand my brain, it truly is all black and white over here.

How many calories is in this bowl do you think?
/u/throwaway86_443
Created: Tue Aug 28 18:11:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b4aoq/how_many_calories_is_in_this_bowl_do_you_think/
---
I have to go out to lunch with my co workers tomorrow (ugh) and we’re going to this food market with different vendors, and I’m going to order this bowl from what seems to be the healthiest restaurant option.

Here’s what I’m getting - https://imgur.com/a/UeZtuXc

And this is what the size of the bowls are like for reference - https://imgur.com/a/96jF3Ir

How many calories do you think it would add up to be? I’m terrible at estimating this sort of thing.

Does anyone like placebos?
/u/EIrvine88
Created: Tue Aug 28 17:58:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b47b7/does_anyone_like_placebos/
---
For example, I take an occasional hydroxycut pill when I feel like I’m on the verge of binging (weekly). Most of us know that hydroxycut does basically almost nothing considering its mostly caffeine, but just the step of taking something encourages me strangely enough.

[Help] r/1200isplenty and r/IntermittentFasting help me justify my ED to others
/u/neptunestatss
Created: Tue Aug 28 17:58:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b474v/r1200isplenty_and_rintermittentfasting_help_me/
---
I am very much down with this trend of starving yourself being “healthy”

[Discussion] so... I cut the sizes off all my clothes that weren’t the smallest available size for that particular type of clothing.
/u/milliondollarjane
Created: Tue Aug 28 17:57:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b46zq/so_i_cut_the_sizes_off_all_my_clothes_that_werent/
---
I’ve been hanging around a lot of my friends lately, especially in my room where talk of clothes inevitably comes up (often). We’re girls, we try that shit on and model it for each other.

Anyway, I was wearing a sweater I hadn’t worn in about a year, and even though it looks big on me, it doesn’t look so big that I can’t wear it. I checked the tag and it’s an XL and I felt so ashamed. What if one of my friends saw that while trying on my clothes or when it was lying around or something?

Anyway I went into my closet and cut out everything that wasn’t a size small.

I feel like a crazy, obsessed person. I don’t regret doing it because it’s harmless but it’s mostly... why would I care so much about something so juvenile?

I'm so fucking irritable
/u/lunasouseiseki [180cm | 77kg | 23.8 | -10kg | F:snoo_shrug:]
Created: Tue Aug 28 17:25:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b3y3r/im_so_fucking_irritable/
---
I'm losing weight. Each morning I step on the scale and it's slowly going down, but I'm so angry all the time. I'm a moment from snapping and I have to keep myself in check. I have to remind myself that not everyone is out to screw me over. Not everything is to be taken so personally.

I feel like I'm going crazy.

[Discussion] Does anyone else watch fat YouTubers?
/u/cookingwine2 [173CM | CW: 57.1KG | GW: 45KG | 16F]
Created: Tue Aug 28 17:15:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b3vf3/does_anyone_else_watch_fat_youtubers/
---
Sorry if this comes across as rude, but I was wondering if anyone else watches fat YouTubers?

I especially like Amberlynn Reid’s videos, her mukbangs and her weigh ins. She makes videos about weight loss and started at around 380lbs 2 years back and now she’s at about 530lbs.

Anyways, they help me not binge. I also like watching My 600lb Life, sometimes I feel so bad for the people on it... does anyone else do this?!

[Discussion] Does anybody else watch fat Youtubers?
/u/cookingwine2 [173CM | CW: 57.1KG | GW: 45KG | 16F]
Created: Tue Aug 28 17:04:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b3s3g/does_anybody_else_watch_fat_youtubers/
---
Sorry if this is rude, but I’m just curious to see if anyone else watches fat/chubby youtubers to help them restrict or not binge/purge? I like watching them do mukbangs mostly. I also like fat documentaries or stuff like “Supersize VS Superskinny”

Amberlynn Reid is one of my favourites to watch.

[Discussion] Are pickles really 0 cals?
/u/ohdarlingyourefucked
Created: Tue Aug 28 16:33:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b3iz3/are_pickles_really_0_cals/
---
I just figured cucumbers have calories so wouldn’t pickles have them too? The new jar I just bought says 0cals...but ya know, always a skeptic.

[Discussion] Anyone ever binge but then lose weight WITHOUT purging via lax or vomiting?
/u/0kcalHaldol
Created: Tue Aug 28 16:18:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b3esr/anyone_ever_binge_but_then_lose_weight_without/
---
Basically the title.

Happened to me today, binged yesterday but when I weighed in the morning I lost 1 lb.

[Rant/Rave] [intro/rant] Got back into a "healthy" weight and I feel super guilty about it. The guilt is the worst part of ED's.
/u/Rotten_Muffin [5"3 | 105 lbs | 19.1 | LW: 30 lbs | Girl | Age: 20]
Created: Tue Aug 28 15:54:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b37te/introrant_got_back_into_a_healthy_weight_and_i/
---
Hey everyone! First time posting here. So let me know if I do or say something innapropiate.

First depression made me overweight, and after some recovery, I began to lose my weight very unhealthily. I lost about 30 lbs in two months. I was fasting so much I almost fainted a few times. When I got to 110 lbs and was happy with that, I realised that eating properly again became impossible. It felt terrible. I felt so guilty every time I ate. So, thanks to that, I went down to 100. Which I guess was still fine, I was techincally underweight but not so much. Still, I got rather scared and tried to gain some weight back.

I went back to 105. But now I feel worse. I feel super guilty. I feel gross. I can't eplain it but I'm sure you can understand me. I know it's supposeddly unhealthy but I can't help it. I say with a bit of shame that I want to go back to 100. Or... Even lower.

Ever since I lost that initial weight, I've been struggling a bit with the whole guilt deal. Sometimes I'm like "I'm unhealthy thin. I need to eat more." And so I binge. But then I hate myself and then starve myself sometimes for days at a time. Not to mention that eating anything even close to what I'm "supposed" to be eating is downright impossible now.

I thnk I'm going to go back to 100 or even lower soon, whether I want to or not. I can see it, the fasting, the starving, the dizzines of not eating. I can see it all again. Maybe then my body will actually catch up this time and I'll actually like it.

Anyway! That's my story. I'm thankful I found this sub. I have a feeling I'll be using it a lot.

Fastest way to get nutrients in your body?
/u/sonospaventato
Created: Tue Aug 28 15:44:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b34um/fastest_way_to_get_nutrients_in_your_body/
---
Besides the obvious eat something. Best thing to eat or drink? I feel like passing out.

My boyfriend made a bulimia "joke" today.
/u/PinkyOutYo [170cm | CW: 46.0kg | 15.9 | GW: 45kg | Female]
Created: Tue Aug 28 15:38:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b334r/my_boyfriend_made_a_bulimia_joke_today/
---
And I just couldn't stop laughing.

It wasn't even a funny joke. We're going to a house party with a load of my mates this weekend and we're all pretty heavy drinkers. I'm on a lot of meds which mean that I can't drink like I used to the last time we were all together as a group.

He said "You could probably drink more if you lined your stomach." I was just sort of silent. He followed it up with "Look, we'll each get four people's worth of food. You can throw up, like, half of it, you'll still be fine!"

I stared at him for a couple of seconds and then just burst out laughing. Literally no one had ever joked about my ED. I know that there are probably plenty of people her who'd think that what he said wasn't cool, but for me, it just made me feel so relieved. I mean, bulimia is shit but I have to see the funny side of it (which is why /r/ProEDMemes is life).

He did follow it up with a hugely effusive "THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU SHOULD DO IT. THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT I AM OK WITH IT." But it just made me feel...accepted? Like, he hates that I do this and he hates that I suffer but he accepts it as a part of me in the present.

Anyway, just wanted to share.

[Discussion] Is anyone else obsessed with getting all your daily steps in
/u/hopeless_anon [5'5 | CW: 115 LW: 85 | 17F]
Created: Tue Aug 28 15:26:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b2zaq/is_anyone_else_obsessed_with_getting_all_your/
---
I just got my Fitbit and idk what I should set the steps goal as, so I’m sticking with the standard 10000 for now, but I’ll def be increasing it after a bit. Just don’t wanna ware out my legs so I won’t be able to walk at all lmao.


Anyway is anyone else obsessed with getting it all in? Like I’ll pace around in my room until I get all my steps before I can go to sleep.

[Intro] My pregnancy triggered my ED
/u/button_eyed_coraline [5'4" | 165 | 28.3 | -75 | Female]
Created: Tue Aug 28 15:09:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b2ubi/my_pregnancy_triggered_my_ed/
---
Hi all. I've lurked for a while under my main username and made an alt specifically for this sub because I feel like I'm going to be here a while so why the hell not.

I gave birth in January. My daughter is beautiful and healthy and I love spending my days with her. But the loss of control I experienced during my pregnancy, delivery, and postpartum period has sent me spiraling. The changes my body has been subjected to in the last year leave me feeling powerless. I found an old picture of myself in my parents' house in which I was 16 and skeletal and for some reason seeing the contrast between my body then and now kind of...broke my brain? I hate how I look now. My features inspire self-directed rage when I look in the mirror. I've lost all my baby weight, but I was overweight when I got pregnant so I still have a LONG way to go before I feel like I can breathe easy again.

I had a doctor's appointment this morning and I had to lie when she asked if I was eating enough based on my rapid weight loss. I lie to my husband when he gets home and asks if I ate lunch or dinner (depending on how late he gets in). I've always continued to do body checks out of habit since my first go-round with anorexia in high school, but now I feel true anxiety building until I can get somewhere private and feel my pelvic bones and encircle my wrists with my fingers. My ED was always related to control and order and that has started to show up in other areas of my life as well. I will run myself ragged, staying up late cleaning and organizing when I should get some rest. I've switched to a meal-replacement shake because I can weigh it out and know exactly down to the gram how much I am consuming. I told my husband my goal weight and he responded with concern, so now I have to lie and say I'm losing weight "for my health" when really it's so I can see my goddamn collarbones and impose some kind of order on the chaos my life has become.

I'm so anxious all the time. I'm supposed to be "better now." I have no idea if I'm supposed to tell my husband how I'm feeling because I truthfully have some more weight to lose according to the BMI chart. But I know that's not going to be enough. Getting to the top end of the "healthy" weight range isn't enough. I need to feel bones again and know that I still have that control over my body. I fasted for 24 hours until 10am this morning, and going to bed hungry last night was so deeply satisfying. I felt sickly gratified by my own hunger, like I deserved it for getting so fat and gross in the first place.

So yeah. That's me. I'm not sure what I'm going to do moving forward, but I figured getting some of it out there might help. Any other moms go through something similar?

[Rant/Rave] Don’t you love it when other people tell you want to do with your body?
/u/citrus_juuiice
Created: Tue Aug 28 14:52:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b2ota/dont_you_love_it_when_other_people_tell_you_want/
---
My parents said i was getting too thin. My bf thinks telling me not lose weight will stop me. And they both piss me the fuck off. It’s my body, I’ll weight what I want to weigh. It’s none of their business anyways. I could tell them about their body and what they need to do but they’d just get me. If you’re not me, you have no jurisdiction over my body and my weigh.

[Help] I need to lose weight slower
/u/throwaway__1893
Created: Tue Aug 28 14:48:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b2ngd/i_need_to_lose_weight_slower/
---
If I lose too fast, everyone (parents, bf friends) will be up my ass. So if I lose slower they won’t notice.

[Rant/Rave] “Not Everyone Has an Eating Disorder Like You”
/u/peyton2724
Created: Tue Aug 28 14:45:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b2mmy/not_everyone_has_an_eating_disorder_like_you/
---
(Tl;dr at the end)

I was in class today talking with a few of my friends, and one of my closest friends (who also has an eating disorder) made a joke to something I said by saying, “Just don’t eat anything. Photosynthesize.”

Everyone knows she still struggles with her anorexia, she’s really open about it. She’s not exactly recovered right now, she still has to fight it daily, but she hasn’t relapsed for a while. She also knows that I am knee-deep in my disorder right now, working towards recovery (I went from anorexia to bulimia and now have OSFED). So her saying this was sort of an inside joke.

But her boyfriend responded, laughing, “Jeez, not everyone has an eating disorder like you.”

That he said it wasn’t the issue, everyone thought it was funny, including my friend, but I just wish I could talk openly about my ED. My friend and I gave this knowing look to each other, because no one else knew I really did have an ED, and it felt so secretive and I hated it.

I want to come out about it, really. I’m working on recovery enough that I’ve felt ready and able for a while now, I can just never come out with it. Saying it initially is the hardest. Once I do, it feels so relieving, and I’m really open with the two people I have told.

I don’t know, I guess I just feel like it would be a grab for attention if I said it? Does anyone else not tell people about their ED because they think it would be taken as a grab for attention?

God, why does no one beat you down for talking about other mental health issues? Why do EDs have to be so frowned upon?

(Tl;dr Someone made a comment that made me wish I could tell people about my eating disorder, but I feel like people would take it as a grab for attention.)

I ate WAYYYYY too much today 😡😡😡😡😡😭
/u/GingerStark [5'9.5" | 18 | CW : 123 | GW : 120 | UGW : 110 | F]
Created: Tue Aug 28 14:43:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b2m2s/i_ate_wayyyyy_too_much_today/
---
I need support because I really want to die right now. These past few weeks I've been overeating and hitting maintenance for no good reason. And I've gained like 10 pounds. I eat just to eat, not because I'm
hungry. I just hate myself so much I can't do this anymore. I really want to fast tomorrow, but my mom will probably notice : /

[Rant/Rave] I’m at my highest wait and fucking hate it.
/u/spaghetti-tacos
Created: Tue Aug 28 14:40:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b2l2i/im_at_my_highest_wait_and_fucking_hate_it/
---
Weighed in yesterday at 129.2. I cannot believe that I have gained so much weight in such a short amount of time. Just a little bit ago I was 125, and now suddenly i’ve gained 4 pounds! If I get to 130, i’m going to be so upset. Now it just seems like i’ll never get to my goal weight. I don’t understand how some people are so skinny! I try and try, but i’m a failure. And when I say i’m a failure, I just eat again because i see no point in this, and thus the cycle continues. But i’m changing it now. I swear to god i will stay under 130.

how much does b/p affect your weight
/u/relativeletter6 [161cm | 55.1kg | gw 50kg]
Created: Tue Aug 28 14:40:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b2l1o/how_much_does_bp_affect_your_weight/
---
this is such a dumb post considering i’ve been bulimic for like a year now (was an b/p for a year and a half prior, then ednos for another two years before that) but. i’ve always been the bulimic who eats enough to maintain outside of b/p

now i restrict outside of it, i b/p on 2000-4000 calories a few times a week and i am VERY thorough about purging. and it’s always within 45 minutes of starting to eat. but because i gained 0.3lbs i’m really paranoid that this is gonna make me gain even though i used to b/p on way more

i’m eating <600 outside of b/p on the days i do and <1000 on non-b/p days but. my question is.

how much does b/p impact your weight? do you lose? maintain? gain? since it’s relevant like how thorough are u on purging and what do u eat outside of it

sorry if this is annoying i’m being dumb but,.. like i’ve literally lost 5lbs or some shit in a week and a half doing this but like i said i. gained a tiny bit. and i’m panicking.

[Help] Help me count my chipotle cals?
/u/skeletonsofawhale [5'2 | 143 🐳 | -42 | F]
Created: Tue Aug 28 14:20:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b2erw/help_me_count_my_chipotle_cals/
---
I literally had nOoOoO other choice but to eat at chipotle today and I nearly had a panic attack while ordering. I'm barely holding my ground as is rn. My daily limit is like 300-500 and i want to die rn since I already had 170.

Here's a breakdown of what I ordered:

Soft shell taco bc the taco portions are tiny. I didn't eat the tortilla so 0 cals for that I guess

Sofritas (if I eyeball it it must have been 1/2 cup total)

Roasted Veggies (1/3 cup, not sure. Deffo oily too. Bad decision.)

The mild "sauce" aka the tomato chunk thingy. Probably 1/4 cup or less.

Lettuce- an obscenely low 1/4 cup. Probably negligible cals tbh


All of these are obviously eyeballed so it might be more or less. As I said taco portions are tiny so I'm hoping this is more or less accurate. I don't know how to count chipotle cals so of someone could help with these estimates that would be great thx



I have the wrong kind of depression
/u/_thehotcheetodiet_
Created: Tue Aug 28 14:14:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b2cz3/i_have_the_wrong_kind_of_depression/
---
Why can't I have the depression that makes you not eat. I know it sounds so fucking horrible to say, but if I have to suffer anyway, why can't I be getting skinnier instead fatter. I see others around who talk about their depression like "oh yeah all I had was coffee today lol I just didn't get hungry. Depression will do that to ya!"

But nope, when my depression flares up I just shove innumerous amounts of food down my throat and order $30 at Taco Bell and candy and chips from the drug store and in the moment it's the only thing that makes me feel kind of ok. And afterwards I just hate myself even more. At least if my depression made me not eat I could have one less thing to self loathe about...

[Discussion] Anyone seen this before on a label?
/u/rulesofrestraint [5'2 | cw 94.2 | 17.85 | gw tbd | 23 f]
Created: Tue Aug 28 14:00:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b28g3/anyone_seen_this_before_on_a_label/
---
I impulsively decided to buy myself a tiny (45 g) dark chocolate bar while I was out, figuring that I would be able to eat a portion of it without feeling too guilty. This is what I saw when I went to check the nutritional information. Any of you seen this before? Maybe it was a blessing in disguise though, because not knowing kept me from even opening the bar at all...

Have any of you ever seen this for nutritional info on a label?
/u/rulesofrestraint [5'2 | cw 94.2 | 17.85 | gw tbd | 23 f]
Created: Tue Aug 28 13:52:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b260g/have_any_of_you_ever_seen_this_for_nutritional/
---
I impulsively bought a tiny (45 g) dark chocolate bar for a treat while I was out, figuring that I could eat a portion of it without feeling too guilty. I guess it was a blessing in disguise though because not knowing kept me from even opening the bar...

[Other] Progress post.... maybe?
/u/kayasawyer [ 4'11 | 100 | 18.5 | 20 | F]
Created: Tue Aug 28 13:49:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b24x7/progress_post_maybe/
---
So today for the first time in quite awhile I didn’t bother about trying to restrict. Maybe it’s because I had a panic attack and took quite a bit of my anti-anxiety medication but either way I feel like today I’ve succeeded in doing something I wouldn’t be able to do by myself. I’m so proud of myself! I hope I can keep it up but I know I probably won’t and if I don’t: that’s okay too. I’ve made a plan to talk to my therapist about this and if I don’t do it I’ve given my mother permission to talk to my therapist about because I can’t keep living this way. This is not healthy. And not just in the obvious ways when having an eating disorder. I have gastroparesis and I can *feel* my stomach getting worse. That might sound silly but the amount of pain I had last night I almost went to the hospital but luckily I didn’t because it subsided quite quickly. I don’t know what’s going to happen next and I fear I’m close to being malnourished. I was dizzy literally all day yesterday and I couldn’t tell what was causing it because I also have POTS. I don’t know. I just don’t know lol.


My body might be giving up on me. But I’m not.

[Rant/Rave] The cruel irony of EDs
/u/lilmdjd [5'3 | CW: 135 | LW: 95 | GW 115 | 23F]
Created: Tue Aug 28 13:18:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b1v23/the_cruel_irony_of_eds/
---
It is so ironic to me how we as a community practically worship CICO as a religion, but on a regular basis we (I say we because I have been guilty) write posts worrying about gaining weight overnight or gaining weight from eating 2000 calories, Despite the fact that I’d venture that the majority of us know our TDEEs and that it takes 3500 beyond that to gain a lb. It’s like ed logic is this inverse of fat logic. Theyre constantly looking for ways to rationalize eating more, and were constantly looking for ways to rationalize eating less.

I guess it’s just a commentary on how powerful these diseases are, and how much it can effect our own ability to be reasonable and rational. I think about this a lot, bc I know this is very true for me and I often wonder if it is my obsession that actually stops me from being able to reach and maintain a lower weight in a healthy way.

[Rant/Rave] Boy do i love crying in the bathroom at work
/u/ISetMyGnomesOnFire
Created: Tue Aug 28 13:13:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b1tlw/boy_do_i_love_crying_in_the_bathroom_at_work/
---
A lil back story: Im a published model. Alternative of course because im fat (5' , 127/129LBS) and have tattoos.

&#x200B;

So my friend/photographer i frequently work with posted another model i know. Shes SO perfect. Skinny and pretty and everything i wish i could be.

&#x200B;

Ive cried 3 times so far

[Help] I need to accept that weight loss is slow
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | 116 | gw: 110| ugw: 105/100| F|19]
Created: Tue Aug 28 13:06:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b1r7j/i_need_to_accept_that_weight_loss_is_slow/
---
I was 116 then ate at least 2000 calorie on Saturday with my bf. Now I’m back up to 120. This is a slow process and will probably take a few weeks before i can even get to 110. And even that seems impossible. I hate that I’m not skinny and gained back the weight.

Alright which one of y’all was this
/u/whereismaimind
Created: Tue Aug 28 13:00:27 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b1par/alright_which_one_of_yall_was_this/
---
https://www.reddit.com/r/explainlikeimfive/comments/9axy2c/eli5what_happens_in_our_body_when_we_vomit_and/

For anyone not on peach! My morning smoothie to helo with healthy dumps!
/u/Crotchetylilkitten
Created: Tue Aug 28 12:49:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b1lvc/for_anyone_not_on_peach_my_morning_smoothie_to/
---
https://i.redd.it/rvc0m14brvi11.png

How many calories do you consume when smoking a juul pod?
/u/ineedalifeee
Created: Tue Aug 28 12:31:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b1gca/how_many_calories_do_you_consume_when_smoking_a/
---
Asking for a “friend”... 😂

[Other] That moment when you start your period and everything makes sense
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2 | 152 | Aiming for 146 by 9/25 | -10 Lost | f21]
Created: Tue Aug 28 12:27:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b1ezv/that_moment_when_you_start_your_period_and/
---
Ahhhhh, so that's why I've been constantly hungry, plateuing and inconsolable, Should have expected it.

How fast did you devolve from a little weird about food to full blown ED?
/u/Milkmaiden_
Created: Tue Aug 28 12:26:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b1ejl/how_fast_did_you_devolve_from_a_little_weird/
---
So. I'm new here but not to EDs. I'm in kind of a unique situation because right now I am supermorbidly obese (yeah that's a real thing and it's fucking gross lol). So mostly I have struggled with undiagnosed binge eating disorder.

But recently I know I have gone off the deep end restricting. And it happened really fast but now it's been 6 months and I'm addicted to losing weight and starving myself. I'm constantly thinking about food and what I can cut out because it is SoooooooooooO good when I step on the scale every day and it's down. I feel like I am finally in control of my weight but I know it's just another type of being out of control and I just feel like I'm losing my sanity kind of

Like at the beginning of the month I was 341 lbs and I am down to 302.2 now from doing 500 - 700 cals a day. My life is a constant woosh right now. It's like I get high off it. Then I remember what fat people look like when they lose all the weight and I know I won't be happy when I reach my gw and I have no hope of ever being actually attractive hahahahaha... haha... ha.

Anyway. I'm on a rollercoaster of disordered eating that went downhill fast and just curious if it is """"""normal"""""".

[Discussion] Anyone else freaking out when they are GOOD at restricting ???
/u/twa1238
Created: Tue Aug 28 12:01:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b177k/anyone_else_freaking_out_when_they_are_good_at/
---
I started eating next to nothing again, I haven’t eaten anything for two days last week, I eat very little the other days (I was done with recovery for a long time so eating little isn’t the same for me as for many of you, but to me it’s almost nothing) and I don’t feel hungry. Today I feel a light headache and my stomach feels a bit bad but it’s not too bad and it’s the first time after two weeks. I have a lot of energy, I’m keeping up at work, it’s all well.

Which freaks me out. Now I’m obsessing that something is wrong and I don’t even need the 500 calories I eat on an average day and have to eat less because I don’t feel hungry! I don’t have any cravings I don’t care about eating food at all, I went to the store with a co-worker today and looked at all the products which usually sends me into binge mode but NOTHING happened.
Why is this so terrifying

my friend lost weight because she saw me lose weight and I askgjalsgjlksjdglas
/u/im-stressed-af-fam [5'3 | UGW: 108 | CW: binged]
Created: Tue Aug 28 11:58:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b160d/my_friend_lost_weight_because_she_saw_me_lose/
---
Last winter I went home from uni and saw my high school friends. I think I had lost 40 pounds and they hadn't seen me until then. they were asking me questions like what I was eating and how I lost that much weight. I told them I just eat whatever but I count calories, but I didn't tell them how much I struggle with binging. like, 6000+ calorie binges for multiple days. so then after winter break I came back to uni and gained back 8 pounds and haven't been able to get down to my lowest weight. I've been in a really bad binge cycle.

So recently I went to visit my home again and saw my friends. One of them lost a good 30 pounds and she looks fucking amazing. She told me when she saw me last winter I motivated her to lose weight. And here's the part that made me want to die: I asked her if she had been counting her calories and she literally shrugged and said "meh kind of, I just eat less", like she doesn't even have to count..... she can just fucking "eat less". I believe she's being truthful because I've known her for a long time and she's one of those people who don't give af about food. I'm so done. Last time I saw her, somewhere in our convo her sister said I'm smaller than her and she got kind of bitter. Now she's smaller than me.

asdfadsgk;ljahskjdghlkjdshgl why

[Rant/Rave] My girlfriend found this account
/u/TurnTechAstraeus [5 ft 4|118lb|GW: 110|20.20|Not Enough|Nonbinary]
Created: Tue Aug 28 11:58:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b15zy/my_girlfriend_found_this_account/
---
Lol fml, I'm half tempted to delete but she's promised not to look at my profile or spread the username around. Admittedly it's my fault for using a username she knows (TurnTech) because I originally intended to only use this account for this sub.

I'm gonna trust her and hope she doesn't look. But fuck my life if she does look she's gonna find out about my scales and stuff if she doesn't already know 🙃

[Tip] Podcast: Diet Starts Tomorrow
/u/ri-ri [Height 5'3 | CW 105 | GW 95 | Female]
Created: Tue Aug 28 11:25:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b0vkh/podcast_diet_starts_tomorrow/
---
Hi /r/proED lovelies <3

&#x200B;

I hope this is allowed but I just want to share a podcast that I honestly LOVE. its called "(Diet Starts Tomorrow)\[[https://itunes.apple.com/ca/podcast/diet-starts-tomorrow/id1374942074?mt=2](https://itunes.apple.com/ca/podcast/diet-starts-tomorrow/id1374942074?mt=2)'\]" and its held by Betches (some of you may know Betches off of Instagram). Anyways, they're so real and honest about food and how we deal/fucking OBSESS about food and calories and macros and etc etc.

&#x200B;

Anyways, thought some of you guys might enjoy it. I know I do! Makes me feel less insane and more normal knowing so many people feel how we do, lol.

&#x200B;

PS: They also have a HILARIOUS podcast called "U Up?" for all my single ladies out there that are on tinder/hinge/bumble/dating scene.


[Rant/Rave] DAE want to get sent to a treatment center ?
/u/rainesaway
Created: Tue Aug 28 10:43:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b0iho/dae_want_to_get_sent_to_a_treatment_center/
---
I know it sounds fucked up but sometimes I really want to get sent to a treatment center because then I'm "bad enough" to need that much help. It doesn't make any sense and I hate that mindset but that thought still creeps into my head from time to time. I know it would just be a waste of money and time because there is no way in hell that I'll recover, but still.

Grocery lists for the month, groceries on the cheap, how do you do it? how do you plan it?
/u/me_da_verguenza
Created: Tue Aug 28 10:31:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b0f0z/grocery_lists_for_the_month_groceries_on_the/
---
Hi loves, hope you are having a fantastic Tuesday. Recently there was a thread about how much you spend per month on groceries and I was kind of stunned at how low some of you spend. I spend around $60 a trip and thats 4 trips a month and I live alone. (this isn't counting my dog's food lol)

&#x200B;

I KNOW I am a bad shopping and if you saw my fridge you would scream because I buy too much and don't prepare it for meals because I am lazy, so I end up eating the same items every day. Lots of my food goes from grocery bag to trash IF iI can be honest with you.

&#x200B;

I shop, for the Americans, at ralphs and vons. I live in Los Angeles and there is a whole foods and trader joes nearby but it's kind of a hike for me as I don't have a car and use the train mostly.

Coworker is my UGW but confided in me that she had a drug problem.
/u/ProbablyNeedGlasses
Created: Tue Aug 28 10:30:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b0eku/coworker_is_my_ugw_but_confided_in_me_that_she/
---
My coworker is thin... like so thin I can’t stand it. She literally has my dream body. It’s really hard sitting next to her all day, especially when I’m having a low self esteem day.

Recently she opened up to me about how she’s trying to get over a cocaine problem. She went through a big partying phase, lost a lot of weight from drugs, and now says she hates how thin she is because she doesn’t have a butt or boobs. It’s weird because our quirks are similar but for different reasons. We both don’t like being touched because I feel like I’ll be judged for being squishy, and she feels like she’ll be judged for being all bones. She eats so much food in an effort to gain the weight back too, so I know she’s really trying.

I guess this just makes me think about how different people’s goals are. Also, while I wish I was thinner I am too obsessed with clean eating to even want to try drugs... maybe that’s my limit. I just want to be my UGW by doing it as healthy (or pseudo-healthy) as possible.

I hope my coworker can get to a place where she’s happy with herself, nobody should feel bad weather they’re big or small (though I wish I was smaller lol).


As I stir my broth and unconsciously grab at my stomach fat, it slowly dawns on me...
/u/KajaIsForeverAlone [height:5'9 | CW: 135 BMI:20 | weight lost:25 lbs | Gender: F]
Created: Tue Aug 28 09:57:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9b0461/as_i_stir_my_broth_and_unconsciously_grab_at_my/
---
I'm back on my bullshit

PUMPKIN SPICE IS BACK
/u/AltruisticJacket [5'2" | 95 | 17 | 60lbs | 23F]
Created: Tue Aug 28 09:21:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aztio/pumpkin_spice_is_back/
---
I neeeeeeeeeeed
Do you guys know the absolute lowest calorie way to order this lil slice of fucking heaven?

[Rant/Rave] This summer has been a truly wild ride...
/u/CharlieJScarper [5'0.5" | BMI 17.6 | CW 92.2 lbs | FTM]
Created: Tue Aug 28 09:17:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9azs05/this_summer_has_been_a_truly_wild_ride/
---
After a year of being 'recovered' (read: always hating my body in the back of my mind, but eating like a Normal Human Person anyway) I got back on my bullshit at the start of this summer. I came home from uni, and as usual started to freak out over having absolutely no structure or purpose to my life, an extremely ill- defined future and family/money issues out the arse.

The month before my relapse was spent in a haze of horrible physical pain and health problems and a relationship breakup that nearly sent me into the depths of a depression so deep I could make tea with the waters of the Marianas trench. My parents rushed me home earlier than usual as they were concerned about my health and I faced up to the months I would be spending at home trying to physically recover. So, I went to the doctor's and got weighed...and the rest, they say, is history.

After a while of fairly bland, uneventful restriction I got down to 93lbs which was almost my LW. I had incorporated daily exercise, taken a volunteering job to stay busy and gotten my family to accept my new eating habits with very little concern (I tried to stick to high restricting.) And then. THE CRAVINGS HIT. Suddenly, my body realised that I had been starving it and poked a hot wire directly into the binge centre of my brain! I resisted for a while, down to 91.3lbs (new LW, 2.3lbs from GW) until I couldn't anymore.

This triggered a 3 day long binge in which I learned that my biggest weaknesses are biscuits of any and all kinds, and cake. So. Many. Fucking. Biscuits. I felt completely out of control, I just couldn't stop myself and I worked myself into a complete panic thinking I would just keep going. But yesterday I broke that cycle, and ate to 1200 cals (my BMR, I'm short lol). It's worth noting that my GW for the 8th of September when I go back to uni was 89lbs, and as of today I'm 93.3lbs. Fucking hell.

Sure, if I'd have stayed on track I would probably have reached my goal, but after a while of high restricting I think I just broke. I feel like such a failure - I see people here successfully low restricting for months on end and I can't even stick to 1000 a day?? Bullshit, I say. I've spent ages trying to rationalise - logically, I won't look that different at 93lbs than at 89lbs, and if I don't start eating at maintenance or at least my BMR I'm going to fall into another binge cycle.

So, my options are:

1. Restrict heavily, worry my family half to death, probably trigger another massive binge but possibly reach my GW

2. High restrict but feel miserable because I'm underweight and my body needs and craves terrible food, damnit.

3. Eat at maintenance, perhaps gain a lb because of water weight/redistribution etc and feel slightly less miserable but still terrified of binges.

4. Eat to gain up to 97lbs (Putting me JUST into a healthy BMI) and feel physically better in the long run but mentally hate myself and my body.

Again, logically I know that I need to be at least a healthy weight because I'll be studying a very hard course again soon and I NEED to be physically well enough to do it! But I'm so, so terrified that it's just going to lead up to a 'well, might as well binge on awful awful food then' mentality and cause me to gain back up to my HW of 103lbs and beyond. My HW is perfectly normal and even on the slightly lower side of healthy - that's just the weight I naturally stay at when I'm not disordered I suppose?

Another thing is that the person I'm moving in with for uni is my ex and he's so amazing. He knows about what I'm going through and wants to help but I'm scared that he'll see me binge, or he won't let me restrict when I feel like I need to, or he'll unintentionally lead me to gain too much by encouraging us to relax and eat traditionally unhealthy 'student food'. He's so gentle and lovely that I can hardly believe my luck but I'm STILL scared out of my mind about the loss of control I'll be dealing with! I absolutely don't know what to do with myself.

I don't even know why I want to be thin. Why is 89lbs my GW? What the hell reason can I possibly have for doing this other than feeling totally out of control? Being underweight is not going to help anything in my life other than giving me something that's 'mine', something that's special about me. I want to fucking relax and enjoy my god damn time at uni a little, not spend every spare thought obsessing over food. I want to go back to being ~100lbs and not obsessing constantly but even then I lowkey hated my body all the time. I don't know what I want. I don't know, I just don't have a clue.

I wanted to try and stick to 1200 again today to curb the urges but I purged (a 100cal snack) for the first time in weeks. I'm so miserable but I'll probably eat more later to make it up as I have control over that at least.

I'm sorry for this horrendous nonsensical rant. I feel like such a fake for gaining and considering weight restoration and I'm so upset and scared and exhausted all the damn time that I can't even enjoy time with my family while I'm still here. I hate myself.



tfw you gain 3lb overnight for absolutely no plausible reason.
/u/kittenbun [5'9 | CW 167 | GW 140 | F]
Created: Tue Aug 28 08:41:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9azhmw/tfw_you_gain_3lb_overnight_for_absolutely_no/
---
i have had such a setback today.

on the 21st of august i got down to 169lbs. and i stayed at that weight *for 7 days straight* despite restricting and eating literally the same as i've been eating every single day for 6 damn weeks.

on the 27th of august a miracle happened and the scales showed 167lbs - this has never ever ever happened to me before - weight never just suddenly 'comes off'. nevertheless i was totally ecstatic that my hard work had finally paid off. i weighed myself 3 times to make triple sure i really was 167lbs.

today i weigh myself. i'm 170lbs. i went upstairs and burst into tears, i'm so frustrated i don't even have the words. i ate no differently yesterday - i expected to still be 167lbs or even a half pound less, because there is no feasible or plausible reason as to why i would gain anything.

i'm now 1lb heavier than i was this time last week and i feel more than ever like a fat disgusting pig. i feel like i've wasted *all those days* feeling hunger pains and exercising so much control and willpower, and for what? absolutely nothing. gaining that pound has made me so angry and frustrated, it's like my body is telling me 'fuck you, your efforts are for nothing'.

i'm now at 1380 calories and feel like purging everything, even though i know it's too late and only bile will come up. i don't know why this happens. when i saw i put on a pound, did i decide to fast? no. did i decide to lower my intake? no. what did i do? i decided to *eat what i wanted* to spite myself.

and now i feel like crying again because i don't know why i get this way. why should i want to spite myself when i'm suffering already?? it doesn't make sense.

i'm overweight. it shouldn't be this fucking hard or this fucking *slow* to be sloughing off the pounds. it should be falling off me until i hit at least 150. i just don't get it. idk what i'm doing wrong.

what do you guys do when you gain for no utter reason whatsoever?? what do you do when you plateau and feel like your efforts aren't paying off?

[Rant/Rave] Day 4 into not eating and I was unpleasantly surprised with what happened at work lol
/u/crashbandiclit
Created: Tue Aug 28 08:22:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9azc6e/day_4_into_not_eating_and_i_was_unpleasantly/
---
I’m having a bit of a relapse currently with not eating, but this time I’m trying to kind of go with it instead of making myself more depressed by fighting it and losing, you know what I mean? I’m controlling it more now, mentally anyway, instead of just starving myself as punishment. So like....I’m not eating rn, but I’m changing my thoughts from “I hate myself so much that I want to die slowly via starving [exaggeration of thoughts but in this realm]” to “okay...my head is telling me to starve, and I do hate myself, but not enough to send myself into a spiral of depression right now. How can I work with this?” Idk if any of that makes sense, but basically I’m letting myself do it, but I’m not literally killing myself, and when I’m over it, I’m over it. It’s just what’s happening right now, and that’s okay, and if I lose weight that’s okay, I could use that anyway lol. So ANYWAY, backstory finished, let’s move on.

So yesterday was day 4 into not eating. I just woke up on Friday morning (day 1) and decided I didn’t wanna fuckin eat! Fantastic! ☺️ So I didn’t, and that felt fine. Saturday felt fine, too, and Sunday was my day off from my job 6 days a week. I also got sick on the Wednesday before this and it got progressively worse throughout the week, so on Sunday I lied in bed allllll day, wasn’t hungry at all, obviously, since I had literally zero activity.

Monday came and I went back to work. I have a pretty physical job, but Friday and Saturday had felt absolutely fine on no food, so I thought Monday would be no different. I don’t know if it was the heat, no food, my sickness, lack of sleep, or a combination of them all, but I was at work maybe 20 minutes before I felt like I was about to pass out. I’ve never passed out in my life, I’ve never even known what “I’m gonna pass out” feels like, so this scared the shit out of me lol. I had to sit down several times and my coworkers had to pick up my slack. I felt horrible about that, but they know I’m super sick, so they were understanding, though I haven’t told anyone I’m not eating.

Throughout the morning, any time I would do one little thing it’d only take seconds to make me dizzy again, and by then I’d been working for more than five hours, so I thought that if I were going to feel better, I’d have felt better by then. I didn’t, at all. So I reluctantly got some food on lunch. I wasn’t hungry at all, but it basically felt like if I didn’t eat something I’d pass out at some point in the day lol.

So I ate that, didn’t really notice a difference in energy, but I didn’t get dizzy anymore, so based on that, I figured I should probably have something of actual substance on hand at a job of this activity level if I’m not going to be eating.

After work I went to Walmart and got tons of Gatorade, because I normally drink sweet tea and/or water at work. That wasn’t enough yesterday, so I figured some electrolytes would help to prevent this from happening again! I also got those packs of tiny muffins, the Little Debby’s blueberry muffins, in case I ever feel that extremely faint again. That’d be like an instant pick-me-up, I think. The Gatorade is like 140 calories per bottle and 2 of them fit in my water bottle, plus like 300ish for my 64oz bottle full of sweet tea, which is also packed with ice, so it could be even less tea than I’m thinking, idk. So the calories add up just by what I drink alone, but I don’t feel too guilty about the muffins because they’re for emergency situations only lol. I haven’t even looked at the nutrition facts as I doubt I’ll be going for them now that I have Gatorade with me all the time. Hopefully the electrolytes were the main issue yesterday.

Anyway, I felt pretty disappointed that I had to eat lunch yesterday, but hey, it happens every now and then. It wasn’t a binge, at least, so that’s progress, and it wasn’t because I wanted food or was physically hungry, so that’s progress, too. I felt like I had to do it to get by for the day, and I’ve had no desire yesterday or today to reach for more food after I ate lunch yesterday. And this morning I lost even more weight, and my pants are rapidly getting looser, and my watch had to go on a tighter hole! 😂 It’s the little things lmao

So basically I’m just ranting, I guess, I don’t really know what this is for other than to chat and share how I’m trying to manage no food but still not actually die at this current time. 😁 I’m doing my best lol

[Rant/Rave] im the biggest drama queen alive tbh
/u/fastingfrycook
Created: Tue Aug 28 08:16:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aza9x/im_the_biggest_drama_queen_alive_tbh/
---
THIS IS LONG!!! I AINT SLEPT!!! WHOO!!!

I got really upset yesterday over feeling like people were ashamed of me for taking this semester off school since I needed more time to pay off student debt. I had been relieved to get a break but like no one has been supportive, they're acting like I'm dropping out of school no matter how many times I say it's just this one semester, but I'm terrified that they'll be even worse if I have to take the whole year off.

But anyways on top of that, I might not be able to attend any services anywhere at all for High Holidays!!! I can't afford to go to my home synagogue and don't have a set one in the area I'm staying in for the summer/fall, and regardless I have no money for tickets even if any are still on sale for non-members :) I have no idea what to do lol. I vented to some friends about it, which helped a little, but crying honestly helped the most. It's been so long since I've been able to cry and I just needed to break down like this. After that I felt really lost and just didn't want to think so I just straight up did some meth in the kitchen -- it's not my meth, my roommates found it and just have no idea what to do with it. I don't really *like* meth, I just wanted to not be sober??? idk it was a super impulsive behavior. Wild but not out of character if I'm being honest, they fully expected me to use some of it

Then I decided like, fuck it, I need to tell my sister about my ED bc she's the only relative I trust to tell and she's known me her entire life and we have a great sibling relationship. I kept backing out bc I was terrified of how she would react even tho I didn't think she would actually react badly. She wouldn't think I'm not thin enough. She wouldn't try to and knows she can't just force me to recover before I'm ready.

"I've been embarrassed to admit this because I don't fit the stereotype of what someone with this disorder looks like, but my depression comes with a bonus eating disorder and I am currently relapsing hard, and it's getting worse than I expected it to."

And when she immediately replied that I didn't need to be embarrassed, I just like. Ranted, often very repetitively, for several hours, not moving from where I was sitting on the floor to charge my phone. My sister gave occasional responses but mostly assured me she was reading everything.

One roommate came by, left, came back. Sat down. Other roommate got home a few hours later, sat with him. They watched me to wait for me to join them smoking, while I just kept silently ranting, looking alternatively upset and serious and concerned for hours in silence.

Then I stood up, went to pee, came back, did a line of meth very openly in front of them, went to the fridge to grab a diet pepsi, then sat down next to them and waited to be passed the bong, apologizing for taking so long.

"*Uhh, dude... Is everything okay?*"

I tried to say everything was totally 🌟okey dokey karaoke🌟 but apparently people who are feeling totally 🌟okey dokey karaoke🌟 do *not* behave in this way??? And apparently people who are feeling 👌fine, thanks👌 do NOT find that attempt at dramatics humorous *on any level* ???? Tough crowd. U would think someone died in here

I tried to brush it off but felt like I owed them an explanation, and I DID just tell my sister I wanted to stop trying to hide this from EVERY person I give a shit about. They don't ALL have to know but maybe some people could? So I gave them both a really brief explanation -- that *I am currently relapsing with an ED and am not really trying to get better yet. I wanted to apologize for being a hangry, moody bitch so often because of it but don't want people to just let me treat this as a free pass to act like that. Also, I have no idea what support I need, I just want some people to know this is why I'm being weird as fuck rn.*

And their reaction was just supportive and kind. They didn't say I wasn't thin enough or say I was lying because xyz. I didn't think they were the type of people to tbh but it's still just a relief.

But like UGH PLS DON'T MAKE THIS SO SAD AND SERIOUS

ITS OK 2 HAVE A LAFF

That's all I've been doing about it !! and I mean at least that keeps me aware of which thoughts are my ED Brain and which thoughts are Me, and that person still exists in here, even if it's not actually directly solving the issue. It's my bandaid. I know I have to more eventually but I can't right now.

But anyways wow! goodness gracious, the *worst* thing about this is even though I'm glad to have this out in the open so that I'll have support for improving the symptoms I'm trying to get better with, I still feel guilty that I am not actually fully committed to recovery, I have already lost the desire to try getting better professional help becomes available again in a few months, and now it's undeniably a real thing I have that I have to actually work on. Before, as long as I didn't actually say anything to anyone, I could keep pretending this would just go away on its own and I could pretend it never happened, wasn't that bad or that serious anyway, not really an ED. But the cat is out of the bag so... That means not only am I truly sick, for realsies, but that I will have to manage this for my whole life, and my loved ones will have to live in fear of my next relapse and I have to acknowledge that it might get worse and they might have to see it almost kill me, which could happen more than once? No matter how much I am willing to try and Live My Best Life™ 💅✨ anyway, I feel so guilty about how I end up putting other people through this.

(The irony is that my train of thought goes, "I am a burden on everyone bc of my ED, and therefore I deserve to starve to death.")

ALSO I HAVEN'T SLEPT AT ALL AND IT'S TOMORROW NOW OOPS




#TL;DR: I sat on the floor and texted my sister about my ED -- in silence for over 6 hours -- then got up & did a line of meth before I went to smoke with my very concerned roommates. Was cryptic until I decided I should tell them, too. But now it's #TooReal and I realized I never truly accepted that I'm Actually Sick, Like, For Real

[Other] Vaping to replace other behaviors?
/u/strawstring [5'10 | CW ugh | -40kg | 21F]
Created: Tue Aug 28 07:52:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9az3nj/vaping_to_replace_other_behaviors/
---
I NEED to stop bingeing (so that I can stop purging) and nothing has worked for me. I can't stop and I don't know why yet, but I am going to see someone about it, I am trying --

Should I go buy a juul??? I love smoking, but try not to for obvious reasons. But at this point, it might help me stop bingeing (which is currently the more dangerous behavior for me). Has this helped anyone/does anyone have opinions? Will I just add on another addiction?

[Rant/Rave] :( flucation
/u/fweakybby [5’5” | 132| 22.0 | 68lbs | F]
Created: Tue Aug 28 07:40:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9az03p/flucation/
---
i don’t know why i fluctuate so goddamn much. three days ago i was 128, now i’m 130. how. :( it’s so frustrating i need to stop doing daily weigh ins.

[Rant/Rave] Heavy-ish binge/return to proED rant
/u/spiderpockets [5'5 | a literal whale 🐋| 20F | GW 130/UGW 100]
Created: Tue Aug 28 07:26:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aywjc/heavyish_bingereturn_to_proed_rant/
---
Looks like I'm back on the ED train gals and pals

My weight got way higher than it's been in years (I blame my relationship and birth control honestly) and now I feel like a sea lard.

I've been fooling myself saying I'm doing intermittent fasting and keto but really I've been fasting until I'm ravenously hungry and then eating a thing of mashed cauliflower or A Single Egg™ and pretending I'm all good and not blacking out.

Today, I got home and ate SO MUCH FAT FUCKING FOOD (read: 3 jalapeno poppers with some queso, and a slice of lemon pound cake I want to end my existence)

And then I felt that guilt after eating what others would consider a small meal and I accepted that I've returned to The Loop. Updated my flair, accepted my fate, I HAVE RETURNED.

DAE feel guilty drinking water
/u/karamilk8
Created: Tue Aug 28 07:12:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aysi2/dae_feel_guilty_drinking_water/
---
I know hydration is important but I feel so full and gross after sometimes... super weird, just me or

[Rant/Rave] Travelling to Italy SUCKS when you have an ED (rant)
/u/muffintopsss
Created: Tue Aug 28 07:09:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ayrq2/travelling_to_italy_sucks_when_you_have_an_ed_rant/
---
The title says it all. New mom. Struggling with an ED and body image big time. Restricted for 2 weeks before my trip and went from 126 to 119 lbs and was sooooo proud and felt soooo good, showered with compliments from friends. The occasional binge days happened, but always could fast afterwards.
Well well well, now enjoying a nice little family vacation of 3 weeks in Italy. Delicious food ruining it all... I hate myself for even saying this as I should enjoy this inatead of thinking of the calories. But some bingers here might know the feeling. Oh shieeet ate too much at lunch, well today is already ruined lets pig eat at dinner too.
Back home in a few days and terrified at going back on a scale. The food is so goddamn good and we visited friends and fam so being fed all the pasta and wine in the world. So much carbs and delish sauces. And cold cuts and cheeses and gaaaaaaaah. Ya know, all that.
I feel disgusting in my body today, probably back at 126 knowing myself. My thighs are glued to each other again great.
I also feel awful because not sure when Ill fix this ED of mine, but know I will eventually have to for my son. "I will I will right after this one last fasting of 2 weeks when I get back to the body I want" is what I tell myself knowing already it is a big fat (pun intended) lie. Cause the reality is, even when I was back at a nice weight I didnt have in years before getting on that plane, I was unable to enjoy "normal eating" for fear of gaining again.
Feels good to share, sorry if nothing super new or fascinating in there tho.
Tldr; Italy's food is so goddamn good, hard with an ED.

[Rant/Rave] I’m always hungry even after I eat 🙃
/u/narkreturn
Created: Tue Aug 28 07:08:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ayrle/im_always_hungry_even_after_i_eat/
---


From chubby to underweight to normal to overweight to...starting again.
/u/gorgingpuddle
Created: Tue Aug 28 06:52:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ayn8v/from_chubby_to_underweight_to_normal_to/
---
I developed an ED once I dropped out of highschool. I...can't remember why, other than I wanted to be thin. There was a boy I had broken up with, who I wanted back, and was convinced he wouldn't take me back until I was super skinny. Lol, to have "simple" problems like that again. Ah...


At 5'9", I got down to 113 lbs from 172 in about 3-4 months. I remember these exact numbers, because at my highest weight, I went to the doctor for a UTI. I think I was 16. I remember stepping on the scale and seeing those numbers...I was used to hovering around 150, which, at 5'9", wasn't "fat", but wasn't exactly skinny, either. I was always on the high end of average, thinking I was huge and awkward. I felt sick to my stomach. I went home and cried and cried to my mother, who was sympathetic at least.


That day changed something in me. I started to take my dinner to my room, hide it in a drawer, and throw it in the dumpster outside. I would stay up until 5am and watch supersize vs superskinny, read pro anorexia tumblr/other website blogs. I'd look at thinspo. I'd look up the calorie count of everything.


Sometimes, I'd get high (weed) and eat a granola bar and some popcorn, maybe an apple and chips...and freak out. I wouldn't eat for at least 1-3 days again afterwards. My mom would try to take me out to eat, and I'd eat plain lettuce with half a chicken breast, and water. My fear of vomit kept me away from bulimia , thankfully (I mean no offense to those with bulimia, I'm just glad that that's a path I've never gone down myself). I started to resent my family for eating the meals my mom made, like enchiladas, chicken salad sandwiches, spaghetti, ect. I'd watch my sisters eat in disgust at how they could be overweight and not care, still consuming large portions (note, it was only internal. I've never said anything negative about anyone else's weight but my own...it wasn't the right thing to think, and I still feel horrible for it to this day).

I'd put on some horrible shoes (I only had converse...this fucked up my feet and knees, I do not recommend it) and run and run, probably 3 miles a day. It started to give me horrible uterine/ovarian cramps that were a mystery to my doctor, but I didn't stop. I ran every single day. 3 miles may not seem like a lot to most of you, but I as sedentary before, so it was a huge change for me. Every week, I was able to run a little more, and more, until I could jog the whole 3 miles at a comfortable pace.



My mom thought I was doing meth. She isolated me. She wouldn't let me see my best friend. She'd have moments of guilt, and would let me go over to her house, my friend remarking on how "good" I looked, how much weight I've lost, how jealous she was. My mom would tell me I looked like skeletor. I didn't see it. I legitimately saw myself as the same flabby girl I had always been.


I went to the doctor again, for depression and anxiety issues after contracting scabies from a used mattress my mother bought me. The scabies had cleared and we got rid of the mattress, but the scarring (mental and physical) stayed. I stopped eating, and ate maybe 2000 in an entire week. I stepped on the scale at my doctors office, weighing 113. My doctor was a sweet woman, but damn...she said I was technically underweight, but I didn't "look" underweight. She congratulated me on getting healthy. :l


I was so. Excited. I couldn't believe it. I looked up every bmi calculator available online to see my bmi. Every single one said underweight. I remember feeling on top of the world. At that moment, suddenly, I realized none of my clothes fit. My dad sent my mom some money to take me shopping. I remember going into Hollister (lol stfu, I was 16) and buying one size bigger than their smallest size. I looked fantastic. I could wear whatever i wanted to, buy I still kept to t shirts and jeans, the occasional sundress when my mother couldn't see what I was wearing.

I moved across the states, into my dad's house, being sick of my mother's shit. She is extremely religious, and tried to exorcise me when she heard that I had kissed my friend (a girl) while I was on the phone with her. She listened into my conversations all the time. She was always on about doomsday, satan, restricting my freedoms, ect.


My dad and stepmother complimented me on how trim I had gotten. My stepmom, who was alway very thin, would give me clothes that she was too fat for. Eventually, I ran away from home at 17, after getting physically (not sexually) assaulted by my father, because he didn't like who I was dating. I moved in with a good friend, he's still my best friend to this day. What a great man. He never took advantage of me, and let me live with him until I got on my feet. Anyways.



At that point, 3 years or so had passed since my ED started, and I just "was" thin to my friends. They'd exclaim "wow, how are you eating that!?", as I dipped into a box of girlscout cookies, after sharing fries with them. They'd talk about how jealous they were that I was "naturally skinny". Little did they know, that handful of fries would be all I ate that day.


How I had my son is a long, complicated story. I won't share it here, cause this post is already long enough, yknow? I'm really just writing this to vent, I guess. I've never told anyone about all of this.


Anyways, my sons father died earlier this year from cancer. We had been separated for about a year and a half, due to him assaulting me. I live with my boyfriend, and my son, now. The grandparents are trying to sue me for custody. My sister died from an overdose in October 2016...none of these events "made" me fat, but they did exacerbate my overeating. After a while, I said fuck it. I was too overwhelmed.


Usually, when I'm super stressed, I restrict my eating even more...but my boyfriend gave me a sense of love, affection, comfort...he made me feel so beautiful, no matter what. We loved cooking and eating together, and it got so out of hand. Foods I used to be scared of, we'd enjoy together...then, I started eating in the middle of the night, in private, relishing the things I'd been refusing to allow myself for the past 7 years.


Now, I don't even know what size I am. I probably put on 60+ lbs. I believe I am pushing. ..200 lbs right now. I am overweight, there is no doubt about it. I am so ashamed. I've already lost 6 inches off my hips in the past 6 weeks, so maybe not anymore....idk. I've been eating 400 or less calories for a month now, hiding it from my boyfriend. I only eat at dinner time, and I just tell him that I had a big lunch, so I'm not hungry. Everyone is congratulating me on my weight loss again, and honestly, it makes me feel good.


I've accepted that yknow what...I'm always going to have an eating disorder mentally. I'd rather be thin with an eating disorder, than fat with one. I'm not looking for advice here, I just want to get my story off my chest. I hope anyone who's going through the same thing, knows they're not alone.

[Rant/Rave] I’ve just been put on three different types of steroids
/u/pmmesadclowns
Created: Tue Aug 28 06:13:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aydmp/ive_just_been_put_on_three_different_types_of/
---
That’s it really. Wanna die tbh. Gonna get so fat.

[Sticky] Thinspo Tuesday August 28, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Aug 28 06:10:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aycu4/thinspo_tuesday_august_28_2018/
---
Eating disorders are real, complex, and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical health. Use this thread to post pictures of anything that inspires or you find to be something "motivating".

**Please note that we are not using this post to glorify or glamorize eating disorders. Anything that is not clearly from a professional photo shoot or is "bonespo" (extremely thin to the point of being skeletal) will be removed.** Selfies, bodychecks, or OOTD posts will also be removed as they belong in the Friday sticky thread.

*****

Thinspo threads are posted every Tuesday.

Have any questions or concerns? Looking for self-care and beauty tips? Comment below, or [PM the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED) and feel free to take your self-care/beauty needs to the "Stupid Questions Saturday" weekly thread!


Daily Food Diary! August 28, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Tue Aug 28 06:10:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aycsy/daily_food_diary_august_28_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for August 28, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)


Size
/u/KaitlynMK
Created: Tue Aug 28 05:56:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ay9bk/size/
---
Well I tried on a size 0. It zips,but doesn’t fit if you get me.

[Other] Depression makes fasting difficult
/u/RJW256
Created: Tue Aug 28 05:30:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ay3m1/depression_makes_fasting_difficult/
---
I just want to eat when in sad or angry. I'm sad or angry all the fucking time? Why did this happen to me?

[Help] any vegans here?
/u/iluvmnms [164cm (5'4) | 51.6kg (113lbs) | 19.0 | GW: 45.5kg (100lbs)| 18F]
Created: Tue Aug 28 05:11:53 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9axzh1/any_vegans_here/
---
I've been vegetarian for a few years but veganism is an option I've considered recently. Mainly for the ethics but also because (as bad as it sounds), it might help with being more restrictive and curbing binges although i would definitely try to have the right mindset before adopting any lifestyle like that. just wondering what ya'll have experienced with veganism + disordered eating behaviours/EDs. have it been a positive/negative experience? any changes you noticed? plus advice? too many questions to ask hehe

[Discussion] Does anyone still go on MPA?
/u/thispersonisdead
Created: Tue Aug 28 05:11:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9axzcx/does_anyone_still_go_on_mpa/
---
(I hope this doesn't break the rules, since it's not a subreddit, just another community. Do not post any personal information/nickname here, exchange those in PM)

I logged back on a few days ago but it seems like all my people left. There's this other pancakeaddiction site now and the mods apparently made another forum. I kinda miss MPA though, so is anyone else still on it? I don't really "fit into it" anymore since I'm being all ~healthy~ but you know... We all know I ain't 😂

"feeling" the fat
/u/DoNotEatAllTheDonuts
Created: Tue Aug 28 05:09:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9axz1n/feeling_the_fat/
---
Does anyone else ever get sudden panic attacks in public because suddenly they become hyper aware of all the fat on their body? I was at my brother's baby shower. It was on a beach and 90 degrees, so I wore a t-shirt like a sane person. About 15 minutes, I could feel my arms jiggle even when I didn't move, I could feel my back rolls through my clothes, I could feel my stomach looking a Pillsbury can that someone just popped. I had to leave my brother's baby shower early because of this. I just wanted to get home and put on the baggiest outfit I could find and cry. This happens all the time to me. I hate it. I was just wondering if it happens to anyone else.

[Discussion] ED & being a “foodie”
/u/chezpajama
Created: Tue Aug 28 03:40:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9axhzy/ed_being_a_foodie/
---
I know these two things seem diametrically opposed, but I still consider myself a “foodie” (kinda hate that word tho).

I almost never go out to eat anymore because I can’t “trust” restaurant food, but I still try to make/ eat delicious food and try new things.

I’m not afraid of food, I’m afraid of calories. Food and cooking is a big part of my identity. I can’t live on Diet Coke and shirataki noodles, as much as I’d love the resulting weight loss.

Any other ED foodies here? Chefs? Bakers? Bartenders? Servers?


[Discussion] DAE use subliminals?
/u/planetskinny
Created: Tue Aug 28 03:31:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9axg8r/dae_use_subliminals/
---
honestly, i do. they help so much it’s actually kind of scary? i don’t have a scale currently so i can’t say how much i’ve lost but i know when i went to the doctor’s i lost 6lbs in eight days. (from 177 lbs to 171 lbs!)

i was just wondering if i wasn’t the only one, lol.

Anyone can relate?
/u/amooni95
Created: Tue Aug 28 02:50:08 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ax93j/anyone_can_relate/
---
I currently feel hungry to the point where I'm fighting the urge to puke. Makes no sense to me. Anyone else experience this? Feels like I'm a dangerous burp away from puking.

Fasting becomes easier when you feel like dying after eating
/u/starvy_punk
Created: Tue Aug 28 02:35:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ax6ru/fasting_becomes_easier_when_you_feel_like_dying/
---
So im at my LW, and have been steadily dropping. Whether im like seriously fasting of having a kinda *fucc it* but still high restricting week im still dropping like 2 pounds minimum per week. And it seems to be having a really weird side effect.

Anytime i eat more than like *a single bite* of a food i get zapped of all energy, heart pounds hard as fuck. My eyes get heavy and i have trouble seeing. And i feel hella weak. Not like fasting weak cause i can aleays push myself when im fasting, but like *im literally dying* weak. When i eat now it *has* to be at home and it *has* to be very small and cal light. I cant imagine what woukd happen if i went for like 2k calories.

Kinda scary. Kinda neat to have that there to keep me on track.

[Discussion] Unusual Eating Habits
/u/scornedcinnamon [4'11.5" | CW: 93 | 18.5 | GW: 80 | F]
Created: Tue Aug 28 00:29:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9awkgj/unusual_eating_habits/
---
just had a mini-binge and thought i would share a weird habit of mine.

with baked goods/desserts, i will pretty much only eat the perimeters and filling and ignore everything else. for example, i had two massive chocolate chip cookies but only ate around the edges and ate all of the chocolate. if i buy an asian coconut bun, i will peel off the "skin" of the bun and eat the filling only. if i eat a pound cake, i'll only eat the crust/edges.

idk i feel like i'm eating the parts of the binge food that i like the most?

but this binge put me over my cal limit today just when i thought i would start loosening up on exercise because i had been binging less. sigh.

what are some habits that you all have?

[Discussion] Is it common for underweight people's limbs to be numb after sleeping?
/u/kernalmustache [169cm ♀ | CW 105lbs | BMI 16.7 | SW 130lbs 🌸]
Created: Tue Aug 28 00:15:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9awhw9/is_it_common_for_underweight_peoples_limbs_to_be/
---
I've noticed that more often than when I was a healthy weight I'll wake up and realize that I completely cut off circulation to a limb in my sleep. It's usually my arms, but I've had it be my legs before too. I imagine it's very unhealthy for your muscles when that happens because they usually hurt a little for hours after and not having blood just sounds bad. This doesn't seem to be a relateable experience for people I've mentioned it to, so I was wondering if it happens to any of you.

I have stretch marks on my thighs
/u/lotsoffuchs
Created: Mon Aug 27 23:58:20 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9awet9/i_have_stretch_marks_on_my_thighs/
---
My thighs are one of my biggest problem areas. Tonight while changing I looked down and immediately noticed how severe they are. Couple this with out of control period hormones and I've just been a crying mess.

I'll get smaller, I swear.

[Discussion] Going to get a yearly physical and i’m scared out of my mind
/u/tarynughhh
Created: Mon Aug 27 23:48:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9awd48/going_to_get_a_yearly_physical_and_im_scared_out/
---
Me and my mom get a yearly physical at my doctors office because insurance pays for it, well let’s say this time of year last year i was NOT this weight, i’m scared they are gonna grill me about my weight i’m so nervous. I’m 5’7 and 120 lbs and i’m not underweight yet, but i’m scared my mom is going to start watching how much i eat because if i lose 3 more lbs i’ll be classified as underweight. i hope i’m just stressing unnecessarily.

[Repost] I am working on a project to fight the stigma around mental illness and am looking for people to share their stories
/u/mentalhealthproject9
Created: Mon Aug 27 23:29:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aw9cz/repost_i_am_working_on_a_project_to_fight_the/
---
Hi everyone! Do you or a friend/family member struggle with a mental health condition/mental illness such as (but not limited to) depression, anxiety, OCD, bipolar disorder, or anorexia? What about autism, dyslexia, or a learning disability? I am a university student currently working on a project to fight the stigma around mental illness and am looking for people willing to share their stories through personal essays, artwork, poems, short stories, song lyrics, photography, etc. Another option would be to share your story through answering questions sent through email. Mental health struggles are heartbreaking and extremely stressful--but there is always a way to heal and/or adapt. More attention needs to be brought to the stories of survival, creativity and achievement in times of adversity—if you would like to submit something, please email at [mentalhealthproject9@outlook.com](mailto:mentalhealthproject9@outlook.com) or pm me for more information! If you don’t feel comfortable using your name, feel free to email me anonymously! I understand that this is a sensitive topic and more of you are willing to share if your name isn’t tied to something.

[Rant/Rave] I know it’s really dramatic but
/u/landfill7707
Created: Mon Aug 27 23:24:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aw8dy/i_know_its_really_dramatic_but/
---
This isn’t the best sub for this, sorry. But everything just sucks. I’m fucking hungry and heartbroken can a girl catch a break

That was oddly triggering
/u/kernalmustache [169cm ♀ | CW 105lbs | BMI 16.7 | SW 130lbs 🌸]
Created: Mon Aug 27 23:23:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aw8b3/that_was_oddly_triggering/
---
I was on the Steven Universe subreddit reading the comments and some fan art and someone said the artist drew a character too thin (which is almost a reasonable observation since the character looks different in the show, but that's really just art style) and it kinda made feel really bad in a way I didn't expect. Obviously this person wasn't saying that the character design is too thin, rather that the artist drew the character thinner than they are in the show, but it felt bad all the same. Weird,

[Rant/Rave] I have no idea...
/u/violetove
Created: Mon Aug 27 23:15:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aw6pl/i_have_no_idea/
---
... what to do with my life.

Anyone else in grad school?

I am v suicidal at the very idea of adulthood and escaping my pristine ivory tower to do something "real". It is fcking terrifying.

My ED, being an all-consuming thought, is the only solace I have from anxiety-driven panic attacks about the "real world".

I have no friends because what the heck are those and this is the only place I feel safe enough to divulge. Apologies for this one-person pity party suicidal anxious wreck.

I'm sorry.

[Discussion] Anyone else with tiny tits feel obligated to make the rest of yourself tiny to accommodate that?
/u/Lunar_Heart [5'2" | 81lbs | BMI: 15-something | -?lbs| f]
Created: Mon Aug 27 23:14:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aw6k0/anyone_else_with_tiny_tits_feel_obligated_to_make/
---
I'm *obsessed* with having a good bust-waist-hip ratio.

Thing is, that's pretty fucking hard when your bust measures 28".

My boobs don't really get bigger even when i'm at higher weights; whether i'm my current 78lbs or my highest 98lbs, I have the chest of a prepubescent boy.

The only way for me to have an even vaguely feminine shape to live in a state of constant famine.

Sometimes I fantasize about getting a boob job so I could keep food down every now than then.

I believe my friend has an eating disorder. What can I say?
/u/Zikara
Created: Mon Aug 27 23:03:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aw496/i_believe_my_friend_has_an_eating_disorder_what/
---
Over the last few months, it's become clear to me that my friend has an eating disorder of some kind. For a while, he ate very little and would admit as much, and he lost a lot of weight. He's now down to a fairly healthy weight for him, and seems content with maintaining his current weight, rather than continuing to pair down (I believe).

But he also is still very obsessive about this. He'll continuously remark about his weight, and freak out about how terrible he is for having gained 2 pounds over the course of a week. He'll constantly need to be over-exercising to the point of nearly tearing muscles and then obsess over making sure he still works out the next day. He's unable to follow a fitness program that incorporates rest days where no working out is to be done. He's mentioned a few times that he's forced himself to throw up after having slipped up and ate a bunch of junk food. Or just on days when he is stressed out and feels fat. He'll generally message me and another close friend asking for us to "make him feel bad" about it, as motivation to not mess up again.

I'm kind of at a loss about knowing what is harmful and helpful to do. I know how to be helpful and supportive in general, and I've already had a Talk about it with him, where I told him I was worried about the patterns I was seeing, and that I thought he might consider getting some professional help about it if he felt it would be good for him, and that he could talk to me if he wanted.

What I struggle with is the small moments. If he's excited about a weight loss that accompanies what I believe to be unhealthy behaviour, would celebrating that "victory" with him make things worse for him in the long run, or... what else could I do/say?

Is agreeing to do an exercise plan alongside him a bad idea? It seems like a good idea to help model a proper exercise lifestyle and just refuse to overdo it with him, by saying something like "Nah. I don't want to work out today, its too much working out for me, but you go ahead without me". But I worry that doing that kind of encourages the process to begin with?

And what can I say that is actually helpful when he's obsessing over the weight? Usually I just keep repeating "your body fluctuates naturally up to two pounds a day, a few pounds like that is natural." But again, I worry that's not helpful.

Also, since I struggle with my own mental health issues sometimes I don't really have the emotional energy to engage with his comments around this stuff. I want to sometimes say something like "I'm sorry, but when you make comments like that it worries me and I feel like I can't help you with it because you don't see it as a problem. I'm here if you want to talk through any emotional issues you're having, or if you want me to assist you in finding help with it. However, I don't think I can be a sounding board for things like fluctuations in your weight, how much you exercise, or comments about you puking/not eating."

I don't know, any other suggestions about this kind of thing would be a huge help for me.

[Intro] Been eating 500 cal or so a day
/u/amberskiess
Created: Mon Aug 27 23:03:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aw458/been_eating_500_cal_or_so_a_day/
---
Hi everyone,

I am worried that I might be edging towards or already have ED.

I feel like I have a very distorted view of my body. This has happened in the past year or so.

I am 23 and 5’3 and used to weigh like 145 lb a few months ago. I went to the gym and was considered generally ‘fit.’

I now weigh 118 lb and am moving towards 115 (fluctuates towards that). This has happened quite recently and in a short period of time. I went through a breakup recently (like 1.5 months ago)which I feel may be the trigger for stabilizing this possible ED because I just have not been feeling hungry at all. I’ve always seen myself edging towards this area (ED) in general, even before that spiel. I feel like I’m really fat and saw myself and my body in a very negative light.

A lot of people have commented on my rapid weight loss.

My hands have been shaking lately because of the way I eat and I sometimes feel faint but the truth is that I don’t feel hungry. I feel cold and always have the heater on. My skin constantly feels cold, I’ve had friends comment on it. I feel like I’m dying but honestly don’t care. I don’t feel hungry, just empty. I am okay with that.

I notice weird little things like how I can’t sleep on my side anymore (makes me feel fat?) and even looking at food disgusts me. Matcha lattes used to be my favorite. I waited in line at the cafe today and the thought of grossed me out and I felt like I was forcing it so I just walked out. I did this today at a burger joint too. I used to like the fresh ravioli from Trader Joe’s and I went grocery shopping and bought some but they just sit there. Not appetizing to me at all. I also bought a bunch of super low cal food which is what I’ve been going through. I sustain myself on mostly hard boiled eggs, low cal Babybel cheese, and arugula, as of lately.

I was visiting home for a bit recently (2 weeks ago) and threw up (not forcefully but like bc I wasn’t used to eating so much) this ‘farewell’ dinner my mom had specially made me. It was in an Uber back to my house (after a flight) and I wasn’t even drunk. My body just can’t handle a lot of food anymore even if I try. I want to weigh 105 or so pounds.

Growing up, I used to be called ‘twig’ and skinny and people used to compliment me on it. I never had body image issues, and I didn’t grow up with magazines and cable tv and never cared much about the ‘normative’ standards for being skinny, but lately I feel like I do.

I just feel really nasty and don’t think I’ll be stopping anytime soon. :/ idk what to think of it all anymore.

[Help] My Cat Died.
/u/InterestingResource
Created: Mon Aug 27 22:57:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aw2xx/my_cat_died/
---
Hello, friends. This is my first ever post on this sub. I have struggled wit restriction for several years. It got much worse recently due to a lot of stress between work and school. I also became severely depressed. I withdrew. I isolated myself. I am in a relationship with the most loving human that exists in my opinion, but I have no friends besides him. That’s half a lie. I have one who goes to school outside of my state. She’s going to be returning this saturday after being here for a few weeks. I’ve spent more time with her in these last few weeks than i’ve spent with everyone in my life combined in the past several months. I’m sad.
Even worse, my cat died suddenly yesterday. I feel so guilty. We knew he was sick and thought his symptoms were due to the medicine we gave him. We didn’t take him to the hospital until it was too late. We dropped him off thinking we would pick him up in a few days and all would be well. Before we got out of the car the doctor called saying his heart stopped. I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye when we first left him. I was on the phone with a family member when the nurses took him to the back. He was my best friend. I got him as a kitten in either 2012 or 2013 and I’m 20 now. He was only 6 years old. He went with me through high school, community college, and made it to the start of my schooling at a big university. Through the ups and downs of my life, he was constant. He cried at my door day and night begging me to let him in. A lot of times I didn’t. He would run to the bathroom when he heard my door open because i always let him into the bathroom with me when I showered. He loved me so much he would even beg me to hold him while i was on the toilet going to the bathroom. He rarely left my door when it was closed. He always tried to wiggle his way in but i usually pushed him aside with my foot. He always gave me love bites and sucked on my blankets. He snagged too many of my clothing items. He was annoying most times, but he was still my best friend. No pet or person has meant more to me than my boyfriend. My cat was a huge part of my daily life. I couldn’t do anything without him trying to be touching me. I missed a class I was supposed to try to add today that I desperately need. Nothing can take my pain away. I’m so sad.
I blame myself so much. I don’t want to be hard on myself. I don’t want to think about any of it. I don’t want it to be real. Im almost desperate to get a new kitten just so I can feel a sense of security again, but my cat deserved so much more. No pet can ever compare to him in my eyes. I’m so sad.
I’m sorry I posted this here and it’s so long. I don’t have many friends, and the ones I do have don’t understand. I’m hoping some of you may have had the same bond with an animal that I did. If so, please please give me as many tips as you can about getting through this grieving period. I already had a lot going on and although it’s resolving, I would have endured that and more for eternity in return to have my little baby back. Please help me. I don’t know how to function without thinking of him and crying my eyes out. I’m so sad.

[Discussion] How do you reward yourself?
/u/michellenemangepas
Created: Mon Aug 27 22:46:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aw0tq/how_do_you_reward_yourself/
---
When you've reached a goal or when you've been doing well for a while, what ways do you reward yourself?

I have been restricting successfully (at less daily calories than usual) for a week or two. I also lost more weight than last month.

I want to do something to reward myself because I worked really hard and I want to have a little something to acknowledge it and motivate me to keep going. Planning rewards in advance would probably motivate/push me as well. Like "when I reach a certain body weight, I will treat myself by doing "X".

I just don't know what "X" could be. What do you do?

Desperately missing my ED
/u/TryingNarrator
Created: Mon Aug 27 22:42:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9avzwq/desperately_missing_my_ed/
---
Recently stumbled upon photos from when I was at my lowest weight. I remember thinking how fat I felt in those photos at the time. I’d give anything to get that back. I thought recovery would give me more energy. That I would have better relationships with friends. That I would feel healthier and happier. Instead I’m still depressed, still exhausted all the time, and still struggle to maintain friendships.
I desperately miss my ED.

End of my second 48 fast cannot come soon enough!
/u/badsparrow
Created: Mon Aug 27 22:34:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9avy68/end_of_my_second_48_fast_cannot_come_soon_enough/
---
I fasted Thursday and Friday last week, and did OMAD on Saturday. I've been fasting since Sunday evening and it's the hardest fast I've done so far. Last week, the first 24 hours was bad, and the second 24 hours was easy, but I've really struggled with hunger Monday and today.

But I did it! I had lots of sugar free gum and unsweetened tea, and I'm going to break my fast shortly with what I call Povo Rice. It's basically rice, frozen veg and Quorn chucked in the rice cooker with veggie stock and curry powder and it's going to be fucking amazing. I've been fantasising about this fucking rice all day.

[Rant/Rave] I Don't Like my Psychiatrist
/u/ManicPixieBallerina
Created: Mon Aug 27 22:21:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9avvan/i_dont_like_my_psychiatrist/
---
I don't know if this is the right place, but I've been seeing this psych since last year, when my old (absolutely amazing) psych closed up shop and I've just... never liked this one. I get charged for every little thing, and my insurance company keeps playing its stupid little games. I'm on medications I don't like for problems that are STILL bugging me, and my appointments are so short I can't get anything I need talked about adressed. With the drive being an hour and 45 minutes, I don't feel like it's worth it to spend two and a half hours waiting for a 15 minute appointment with a nurse practicioner. I don't think I'm being too much of a diva when I've been trying to talk about the fact my hands don't look like my hands and other "I don't know what my body looks like" problems the entire time I've been seeing them.


To top it all off, they're charging $35 dollars to send off a fucking letter for my disability accomidations that's on a fucking form, on top of the $200 for more time sitting then actually talking with anybody. I started looking for a new psych when I got home because I didn't even make it off the interstate before I started crying. I just feel like a stupid piggy bank.

[Rant/Rave] Fuck Senior Year
/u/nwae1997
Created: Mon Aug 27 22:08:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9avsfc/fuck_senior_year/
---
So I’m a senior in college and I’ve been restricting a lot lately, probably the most I’ve restricted since I was a senior in high school and it’s feeling honestly okay.

My friends today wanted to go out to eat and have a pig out but I didn’t want to. They jumped on me and argued that it’s senior year and we shouldn’t care but like I do and I’m okay with that. I get that this is supposed to be an amazing time so why shouldn’t I try my hardest to look my best.

I get that after this year I’ll be an adult and I’ll have time then to get in shape but why not keep up the habit now? Why put it off until I’m even bigger and have even less motivation? I’m just not ready to give up because it’s my last year.

Not sure where else I could begin to talk about this
/u/Moloi-Jimai [5’2” / F / SW: 160 CW: 135 GW: 115]
Created: Mon Aug 27 22:04:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9avrge/not_sure_where_else_i_could_begin_to_talk_about/
---
There’s a boy at my work that I really like. Well, I should say, I crave carnivorously, he’s fit with tattoos everywhere, these concrete abs, piercing blue eyes: he’s gorgeous. Almost no personality to speak of, he’s just kind of quiet and sometimes cracks a joke or two. So anyway, we’ve flirted a bit.. tonight he finally asked me to get a drink with him, so having had less than 200 calories today I was thinking “yeah I have room for vodka calories/ it shouldn’t take much to get me fun-tipsy.”
Anywayyyy I take him back to my car after, we start to fool around but after I take my clothes off, his .. uh.. “member”.. started to shrink back up, and he excused himself and walked back to his car.


I’m like, so entirely crushed right now that I never want to eat again. Like he must have been as disgusted by my body as I am. I want to starve myself into nonexistence.


TLDR; the guy I’ve been wanting to bang finally was reciprocating but changed his mind when he saw my tummy rolls.

[Rant/Rave] FINALLY finished a really huge project and I feel like I can get back in control.
/u/LillyWhiteAndFrozen [5'4 | 175 lbs | 30.63 | F]
Created: Mon Aug 27 21:56:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9avpn4/finally_finished_a_really_huge_project_and_i_feel/
---
So I'm a freelance photographer in addition to working full time because I apparently hate myself and want every day of my existence to be consumed by suffering as I wither away in the blue light from a computer screen :)

&#x200B;

BUT today I finally finished the photos from a wedding I shot about five weeks ago. It was by far my greatest challenge so far in photography and I was incredibly anxious/procrastinating/stressed over editing the photos. For the past week or so as I approached (and then missed!!!) my self-imposed deadline, I've been less and less in control with food. Today I finally cracked and binged/purged on horrible fast food because my full time job was so stressful and I knew I was just going to come home and go right back to work.

But I'm finished now. I'm uploading the finished photos to the client's drive and I feel like I can BREATHE again.

I'm weighing myself on September 1st with a bunch of other people here and I feel like I can crush the next few days and lose another pound or two before then.

&#x200B;

TLDR; I was being a lazy fuck but now I'm finished with a giant photoshoot and I can go back to being in control and having a life <3

[Other] Emptying my stomach through Mia.
/u/MyBunnyisMean
Created: Mon Aug 27 21:50:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9avobo/emptying_my_stomach_through_mia/
---
I’ve rarely made myself throw up in the past, I did it because I had some privacy and I ate a little extra that I shouldn’t have. I didn’t like it. I’m more about restricting a lot.
It’s been awhile but I forced myself to throw up again today. I didn’t have as much privacy as I’d like but no one was close enough to the bathroom to notice. It felt really good.. I didn’t need to do it, I just had some oatmeal in the morning and then I fast until 6pm. But I was stressed today. I was so stressed that I was constantly dissociating in class. I don’t want this to be a coping mechanism to stress or intense emotions but, just this one time, it felt really good to empty my stomach during a moment where I felt like my head was going to explode. I don’t know, exactly, how I feel about all this though..

[Discussion] PSA: DON’T DRINK ON AN EMPTY STOMACH
/u/lowkeydeadinside [5'6" | cw: 148 | lw: 102 | ugw: 98 | 18F | 🍑: starvingprincess]
Created: Mon Aug 27 21:41:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9avm7b/psa_dont_drink_on_an_empty_stomach/
---
sorry for the long post. anyone who has me on peach already knows what went down this weekend, but i just need to share this story for you all because drinking and eds absolutely do not get along and i want you all to be more careful than i was.


so i’m a college freshman, and i moved into my dorm last week. i have no friends so i haven’t been eating because i refuse to eat alone in the dining hall. i also have a really hard time staying hydrated when i can’t just go to the kitchen and get pour myself a glass of water whenever i’m thirsty. so from wednesday-saturday, i barely ate and i was really dehydrated.

saturday night, i went to a frat party. i pregamed with a girl i met the night before. we drank straight whiskey and went to the party. then we couldn’t find the beer so we went back to her dorm and got a big bottle of vodka and each had a few pulls then put it in her backpack to go to the party.

last thing i remember was drinking vodka in the bathroom with some girls. then i woke up in the hospital with an iv in my arm and another in my hand and i was hooked up to a heart rate monitor. i was still drunk and this was at 6 in the morning when i woke up. i had to text my parents and my dad came to the hospital to take me back to my dorm.

the girl i was drinking with texted me the next day asking how i was and she said i was literally unresponsive that night when they called the ambulance. the nurse told me i wouldn’t even bleed when i came in.

i’m fine now, and since the hospital replenished my fluids and i threw up a lot of what was in my system, i was perfectly fine after a few hours of sleep and some food. but seriously guys, be careful. i drank no more than anyone else i was with and they didn’t even black out, and i’m bigger than one of them. this had to do with my own irresponsibility with not eating or drinking anything before letting this happen (obviously i was irresponsible with alcohol too).

i see a lot of posts on here about “drunkorexia” and i just really need to get this out so you guys can be more careful when drinking. don’t end up like me. please at the very least make sure you’re hydrated and eat something before drinking. love y’all, be careful out there ❤️

[Rant/Rave] Eating everything while travelling - loving it but also can’t wait to get home and control everything again?
/u/creepycreeper27
Created: Mon Aug 27 21:25:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9avigi/eating_everything_while_travelling_loving_it_but/
---
I am currently halfway through a 4 month US road trip and have eaten EVERYTHING - why do y’all have such delicious food?!

I was terrified I’d put on weight and with no scale to keep track I was panicking. But when I finally found a scale at an Airbnb I had somehow done the opposite and lost 0.5kg!! We’ve done a lot of hikes etc. but we also ate at buffets where I’ve MASSIVELY binged eughhh.

One part of me loves travelling, experiencing new foods and the freedom of it all, but the other part secretly can’t wait to get back home and start logging everything into MFP and restricting again - has anyone else come across something similar??

Thanks for allowing me to put thoughts on a page everyone, such a supportive community!! <3



[Other] Does anyone else feel kind of happy about their ED side affects? (possibly a TW)
/u/purplecat78
Created: Mon Aug 27 20:46:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9av99h/does_anyone_else_feel_kind_of_happy_about_their/
---
I know that like logically when I google side effects of bulimia that I'm supposed to be afraid of the side affects but honestly I don't. I've been purging since like last December and I haven't started feeling the side affects until now (feeling light headed, cracked/red knuckles, drowsiness, headaches). I don't know what I feel about it, but it's definitely not fear. I honestly maybe am a little excited even though it sounds fucked up. It's like whenever I started purging you couldn't even really tell and I didn't feel anything different except feeling less bloated, but now it's like what I'm doing is having a affect on my body, which possibly gives me a sense of control? I don't know. Haha I'm so fucked up.

[Rant/Rave] Living with others is such a constraint!
/u/androgynousgoals
Created: Mon Aug 27 20:27:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9av4mn/living_with_others_is_such_a_constraint/
---
I've been gaining so much weight over the summer because I'm back home and ugh its awful. I can't restrict because then my parents get suspicious and I can't purge because the house has thin walls. So now I just end up binging and feeling shitty about myself until the next day til I binge again and the cycle keeps repeating. I feel like I've gained so much and become this goddamn land whale that i was trying not to be. Fuck...

Dealing with new painful stretch marks on my inner thighs :(
/u/milkseedly
Created: Mon Aug 27 20:25:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9av41y/dealing_with_new_painful_stretch_marks_on_my/
---
This is maddening guys. I would love to hear if anyone has dealt with this? My thighs recently developed a ton of little red/purple stretch marks and they are causing terrible nerve pain even when my clothes touch them. This pain started 3 days ago. I feel helpless and i've convinced myself that this pain is permanent. I've literally been walking around the house like i'm straddling a horse & crying in between anxiety attacks all day. I hope maybe someone can relate to this and tell me that it gets better

[Rant/Rave] "you're not overweight.."
/u/scaledrops
Created: Mon Aug 27 20:04:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9auyvz/youre_not_overweight/
---
does this bother yall?

i mean, i know im overweight. quite literally for my height and stuff i am overweight. to put it plainly

ive been struggling with body dysmorphia and an ED for years and this sentence pisses me off the most.

like i get that you think i dont look overweight, but its not a compliment when you say it like that. its a fucking fact and my ed riddled brain is not having fun arguing with you

i cant open up to my friends about my issues because of this same god damn sentence

[Other] The only downside to being so light is...
/u/RachAgainstLeMachine [5'3 🌻 CW: 93lbs 🌻 21F]
Created: Mon Aug 27 19:54:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9auwat/the_only_downside_to_being_so_light_is/
---
When your boyfriend finds it entertaining to bully you by silently sneaking up behind you (randomly ofc), grab you under the pits, and lift you 7 feet into the air while simultaneously screaming lines such as:

“HELL IN A CELL!!!”

“AND HIS NAME IS JOOHHHN CENNNAAA!”

“THIS IS WWE SMACKDOWN RAWWW!”

I damn near piss myself every time. I swear to gravy one of these days he’s going to RKO me.

End rant. Have a good night folks 😂




[Discussion] DAE find there taste is different restricting?
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2 | 152 | Aiming for 146 by 9/25 | -10 Lost | f21]
Created: Mon Aug 27 19:50:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9auv9s/dae_find_there_taste_is_different_restricting/
---
Tonight's snack was plain yogurt with a cup of strawberries and blueberries and I thought it was incredible. I find when I'm restricting I like more simple and maybe considered "plain" meals. vegtables with little to no seasoning, protein just cooked without added steps or recipes(except chili, love chili), Plain toast, Cottage cheese without anything else, Basically zero added sugar. It's really like I apreciate the taste more when I'm hungry, It's not necessarily because of the extra calories either. When I'm not restricting bring on the sugar, sauces and 40 ingredient meals! Lmao.

[Rant/Rave] I’m so stupid
/u/throwmoneyatme223388
Created: Mon Aug 27 19:27:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aupeo/im_so_stupid/
---
I was getting closer to my goal weight. I could feel my ribs more, I was barely getting hungry anymore, and I was feeling great.

And then I met a guy. He’s the opposite of what I usually like, but I’m smitten with him. The only issue is my friends think he’s gay.

I can’t tell for sure, but we were messaging today on Facebook and he made a somewhat sexual comment so I assumed he wasn’t gay.

Anyway, we kept talking and then he just didn’t reply. Usually, I’m not like this at all. I usually push people away, but I really like him. Since I like him so much, seeing that he read my message and didn’t reply completely stressed me out. I just binged on microwave waffles and halo top. I’m so upset with myself. No wonder he didn’t fucking reply to me, who wants to talk to a fat bitch?

[Rant/Rave] I’m gonna make it today. I’m gonna make it I’m gonna make it I’m gonna make it.
/u/rotting_the_crown
Created: Mon Aug 27 19:25:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9auoyv/im_gonna_make_it_today_im_gonna_make_it_im_gonna/
---
I’m gonna make it today!!! I’m trying to be Healthy™ and have set my calorie goal to 1200 (!!!) because I felt like a huge fuck up when I set it to 500 and ended up bingeing when I inevitably (duh) broke 500, and didn’t work out. Because I’m lazy, obviously.


If I set my calories to 1200 and pick lightly active (somewhat reasonable), I can hit 125 lb by the time my high school reunion rolls round in mid November.


I’m at 1121 cal and I’m heavily vaping (Healthy™) to keep my mouth busy and I’m gonna make. This Monday is THE MONDAY.


I’m. Gonna. Make. It.


Godspeed.

[Help] Best exercises for small legs
/u/throwaway__1893
Created: Mon Aug 27 19:20:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aunsl/best_exercises_for_small_legs/
---
I want small thighs and was hoping exercise could help. But I don’t want to bulk up. Rather something in conjunction with OMAD to help lose weight and target certain areas.

Podcasts?
/u/low-cal-pies
Created: Mon Aug 27 19:04:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aujrn/podcasts/
---
Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I'm going to try distracting myself. What are your favorite podcasts? Preferably ED related but I also like comedy and true crime

8 years on, I am sick of recovery
/u/40dayliquidfast
Created: Mon Aug 27 18:56:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9auhts/8_years_on_i_am_sick_of_recovery/
---
Eight years ago I spent a few months in treatment for my ED, been weight restored since.

It's never gotten better and I am sick of recovery.

I did everything you're supposed to. Therapy, no scales, no counting, no behaviors for years. And I feel like I'm living in hell still. The dysmorphia never improved. I still cry and have panic attacks on a biweekly basis putting on my clothes. Right now I can feel my bra strap cutting into my ribs and I want to rip my skin off - even though I know if I check it won't actually be tight. I just never habituated to the feeling of my clothing. Ever. Such a small normal thing, you're supposed to not be able to feel that shit, it's a neural thing, but I feel it every second of my life. I feel tortured.

I got a BA, an MS, and now I'm working on my PhD. I have almost no school debt, a fiance, and I'm a damn published author. I should have all the self esteem but instead my headspace is 80% loathing my fat ass.

I'm done. I'm going back. It wasn't better when I was underweight, but at least I felt like I'd accomplished something.

[Discussion] does anyone else ultimately want to recover, but want to see how far you can take it first?
/u/duskedfur [5'7"|CW: 107|16.7|UGW: 103|F]
Created: Mon Aug 27 18:49:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aug6d/does_anyone_else_ultimately_want_to_recover_but/
---
the title explains it pretty well, but yeah. i'm balls deep in a relapse rn and i'm quite a few pounds lighter than i was before i 'recovered' last time (re: binged all the weight back) and i'm really excited/scared. ultimately yes, i want to accept my body for what it is and not be terrified of eating but god damn i want to see how thin i can get. i want to know what my body looks like at lower and lower weights. i feel like in the end the only thing that will make me recover is being in such poor health that i can't function but first, while i'm still kickin', i want to go as far as i can. does anyone else feel this way? it feels almost 'fake' like i'm planning for it to be a phase, but idk. i just know that it's not sustainable to live this way

Struggled with ED in high school, maintained weight until 2010 when I started to balloon and couldn’t stop binging for 8 years. I’m ready for a change.
/u/closedeyesgetfed
Created: Mon Aug 27 18:47:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aufqt/struggled_with_ed_in_high_school_maintained/
---
I’ve gained 100 lbs since high school. I’m 5’10” and 270lbs. I need help.

[Other] If you wrote a memoir/autobiography about your life
/u/runner_618 [5'5 | 116.8 lbs | HW 126.6 lbs | GW1 115 | GW2 108 lbs | UGW104 ]
Created: Mon Aug 27 18:35:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aucp6/if_you_wrote_a_memoirautobiography_about_your_life/
---
What would the title be?

I feel like my brain is only filled with thoughts about my body and I hate it
/u/catacomical
Created: Mon Aug 27 18:15:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9au7of/i_feel_like_my_brain_is_only_filled_with_thoughts/
---
Subtitles for my thoughts most days include:

- will I binge?
- will I purge?
- what will I eat for x meal?
- how can I avoid eating during x social outing/date/arrangement?
- when will I go to the gym?
- what’s the lowest calorie option I can get at this restaurant without looking weird?
- I hate my face
- I hate my body
- welp gained 0.5lbs from yesterday’s binge
- I’m not going out today because of that
- I purged so I’m too tired to study so I’ll guess I’ll waste another day doing absolutely nothing 🙃
- lost 0.5lbs yay! better binge to self sabotage

But the biggest and most depressing thought I have is:

I’m wasting so much of my mental energy into this disease. I used to be an extremely high achieving, driven, loving and fun person and now I’m a shell of a human being superficially fixated on a body and a face that will deteriorate with age and time anyway. I base my life around an unachievable ideal, around numbers and inches and pounds that don’t really matter. I feel stupid and vain and selfish. I feel like a waste of time and space and money. I really want to get better but when you’re drowning in so much self loathing and hatred - where do you even start?

Started college...
/u/fxuk [Height | CW | BMI | Weight Lost | Gender]
Created: Mon Aug 27 18:11:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9au6kb/started_college/
---
Hi everyone. I started college earlier this week and I kind of feel horrible...I can't exercise as much because I'm in a triple and theres always someone in the room. Ive been hardcore restricting and I feel like shit the entire time. I also have like 1 friend and im super lonely and I miss my kitties and home :( I need someone to talk to...

Back again. Alternative title: things are getting much worse
/u/low-cal-pies
Created: Mon Aug 27 18:10:42 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9au6gg/back_again_alternative_title_things_are_getting/
---
Been coming here on and off for awhile. Lately I've been trying to "recover" but that's over now. My husband just told me he is asexual. I know rationally that it doesn't mean anything about me and I still love him very much. But holy shit I can't stop thinking that its because of me. I'm so disgusting and fat and maybe if I wasn't he would be attracted to me. I never wanna eat again.

I know this is really childish and stupid but I can't talk to anyone about it.

Why do I spend $6 at Starbucks just to immediately proceed to throw it all up
/u/Thtcrazygiraffe
Created: Mon Aug 27 17:53:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9au2aj/why_do_i_spend_6_at_starbucks_just_to_immediately/
---
Like didn’t even make it out of the building. I filled their bathroom up with bright prink strawberry Frappuccino puke. SO glamorous

[Discussion] Is there anything that would convince you, that you are not fat?
/u/NeutralSmithHotel [6'1 | CW 189 |BMI 25 | WL -181 | M]
Created: Mon Aug 27 17:53:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9au28i/is_there_anything_that_would_convince_you_that/
---
I've been thinking about this today. I'm finally at a normal weight according to BMI (down from a very high BMI) and I'm even fairly muscular so the BMI is probably over-estimating how fat I am.

But I still look super fat (or at least I think I do). I know I have at least some body dysmorphia (but part of me also thinks that I'm just fat and think I have dysmorphia... like most people with dysmorphia). Restricting makes me feel better every day I do it, but I worry I'm pushing myself toward an mirage of an oasis I'll never reach.

Has anyone found a way to convince themselves that they are not as fat as they think? Or like did getting to any weight actually help? I'm gonna guess the answer is not because after losing my first 100 lbs, I basically can't see a difference anymore.

[Rant/Rave] i hate the stupid fucking new bmi
/u/manfromanother-place [5’1.75 | CW:102.5 | GW: 98 | 19.62]
Created: Mon Aug 27 17:39:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9atymv/i_hate_the_stupid_fucking_new_bmi/
---
i know it’s just an arbitrary number but with the new bmi 96 pounds is underweight instead of 100 for my height AND it is .7 higher :(

[Help] Ice cream vs anxiety
/u/xxmybrokendreamsxx
Created: Mon Aug 27 17:38:25 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9atyhh/ice_cream_vs_anxiety/
---
I'm going for ice cream tomorrow and I feel so guilty about it but I promised I would go. How do I eat it without gorging myself and feeling guilty?

Less than 10 days until university starts again and I couldn't be more excited!
/u/laisserai [4'11| cw: 🐳 | F]
Created: Mon Aug 27 17:32:03 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9atwxj/less_than_10_days_until_university_starts_again/
---
School takes up so much of my time that I don't have time to think about other things...aka food.

It's my last semester of my undergrad and although I'm only taking 4 classes they're pretty tough!
Tuesdays and Thursdays I'm at school from 930am-630pm! I can restrict all day and then eat dinner at home (not suspicious for my parents).

I know in a few weeks I'll be super stressed over school but right now I'm excited to be able to devote my mind to school and not eating :)

[Discussion] DAE compair themselves to r/petitegonewild
/u/damnbitchimfatasf
Created: Mon Aug 27 17:24:12 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9atuw2/dae_compair_themselves_to_rpetitegonewild/
---
Ok I know it's sick but i frequently visit that subreddit for thinspo,and it's actually becoming a problem.

Sometimes when I'm restricting and scrolling down my tl I will get the urge to eat something or anything, a post will come up and I'll feel like complete shit and be like "wow my fat ass doesn't need to eat." It's fuel

[Rant/Rave] My friend is amazing, I love her so much
/u/The_Immortal_Unicorn [167cm | cw: 62kg | gw: 52kg | 17f]
Created: Mon Aug 27 17:22:47 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9atuhf/my_friend_is_amazing_i_love_her_so_much/
---
I feel obligated to tell you guys that my best friend just spent an hour giving me tips on how to feel less depressed. One of those tips was to have a better sleeping schedule, she immediately realised my sleeping schedule is pretty much non-existent (and has always been that way), so she spent another 30 minutes making a list to make me both physically and mentally tired enough to fall asleep. I cannot believe that anyone would actually care enough about me to spend this much time to help me.

Another one of her tips was about eating. She knows about my eating disorder, so she told me to eat at least healthy, even if I'm not eating enough. She's one of the first people I told about my ed who focuses on getting me to eat healthy instead of just enough (but probably unhealthy)


My binge today
/u/beetobeeme
Created: Mon Aug 27 17:17:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9att3k/my_binge_today/
---
Because I have to write it in all its terribleness. I had a super stressful day and taking a few days off my EC stack killed me. Starting healthy then... Ugh

- 1cup blueberries
- tablespoon oats
- tablespoon shaved coconut
- 2 tablespoons peanut butter

- 1 cup egg salad

- 3 seltzers (I was really trying to curb my appetite here)

- Swiss light hot chocolate
- 4 kedem Orange biscuits

- 1 scoop of Peppermint stick ice cream from the local ice cream shop

- 1 mcchicken
- small fries
- 16oz finback IPA
- 2 shots vodka with seltzer


Wish I didn't my stress out on food :/ today was a bust after 2 weeks of good eating

[Other] my mom got our cat new food and she lost a lot of weight so naturally....im jealous of my cat
/u/kurtisskinny [165cm | CW 155 | BMI 25.8 | ? | 21F:cake:]
Created: Mon Aug 27 17:00:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9atod7/my_mom_got_our_cat_new_food_and_she_lost_a_lot_of/
---
thats all.

[Rant/Rave] Frustration overload
/u/curvylucifer [5'2 | cw 130 | gw115 | F]
Created: Mon Aug 27 16:59:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ato6k/frustration_overload/
---
I love my job. I really do. But as a massage therapist sometimes I hear the dumbest things. For reference, I have a decent background in Kinesiology and Personal Training. So get this, working on my 5th client of the day (fyi, freaking starving cause my lunch was cut and I didn't eat breakfast per the usual...) And this rude lady I've worked on before says that she needs me to use less lotion... I casually ask what for and she responds saying that shes on this new diet program and she can't use alot of lotions because of this diet. APPARENTLY, when your body is trying to use/burn fat it takes it from the easiest source. So if there's lotion on the skin then what will the body use instead of its internal stores? That's right folks, she claims that the body will absorb the lotion and metabolize those fats before the internal fats stored.

&#x200B;

Now... correct me if I'm wrong but this sounds horribly wrong and just plain outright dumb.... Right?

&#x200B;

Sorry if this comes off as rude but I'm frustrated and hungry and this just made me chuckle and think that people will come up with any excuse why they cant stop shoveling food in their mouth and lose weight.

A safe delicious snack!
/u/coffeehearts [5'5" | CW 126.8 | GW 116 | BMI 21.1 | F(26)]
Created: Mon Aug 27 16:47:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9atkzm/a_safe_delicious_snack/
---
Seaweed snacks are a salty and savory alternative to potato chips that I have recently rediscovered. The two brands I've had are Seasnax and Gimme Organic Roasted Seaweed. Been noshing on a teriyaki flavor. 25 cals per serving and 50 cals per pack. Also full of nutrients! Might have been mentioned before but wanted to share for anyone looking for a safe snack :)

Sorry for bad quality but how many cups of rice do you think this is???
/u/manfromanother-place [5’1.75 | CW:104 GW:98 | 19.2 | F]
Created: Mon Aug 27 16:45:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9atkgq/sorry_for_bad_quality_but_how_many_cups_of_rice/
---
https://i.redd.it/yjff98hhspi11.jpg

on not having a female shape
/u/heartfiend1
Created: Mon Aug 27 16:43:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9atju2/on_not_having_a_female_shape/
---
I hate my body so much and don't know what to do. 5"7, 105 pounds and straight up and down like a ruler. No matter how skinny I get, I have an unhealthy waist to hip ratio because my hips are so narrow (like 32 inches) and my breasts are small Bs. I touch my stomach and there is no/very little fat but there is no curve inward, just straight up and down, barely changing at the hips. I have itsy bitsy spider legs and arms. And when I'm bloated it REALLY shows.

&#x200B;

I don't know what to do - when I gain weight, it all goes to my stomach. When I lose weight, it all goes from my thighs and boobs (I used to be 85 pounds and looked so weird). I weight train regularly but I feel like it just makes me look more masculine. None of the curves I hoped I would gain.

&#x200B;

The worst is that all my fears about being unfeminine are being confirmed - I am only 30 and already have osteoporosis because of a history of ed, amorrhenea, and possibly low estrogen. I probably can't have children. I feel so manly and gross - if I read another article about how hourglass figures are fertile and beautiful and ideal, I think I'll scream. Even when I'm severely underweight my waist to hip ratio puts me in an unhealthy range (my waist never ever goes below 26 inches, even with a severely underweight BMI). I feel like I receive conflicting messages all the time: keep you waist to hip ratio low but keep your BMI up high. There is no way in hell I will ever be able to have both.

&#x200B;

I am considering going on hormone therapy (estrogen). Do you think this will help give me more of an hourglass shape or will the weight all go to my stomach? I just want to feel slightly more female. I want to be able to have children and I want to feel healthy and desirable.

&#x200B;

Can anyone give me advice or commiserate? I feel so freakish and lonely.

[Rant/Rave] RIDIN THAT STRUGGLE BUS STRAIGHT TO HELL
/u/fiascofiesta [5'7" | 131.4 | 20.51 | 23F]
Created: Mon Aug 27 16:39:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9atini/ridin_that_struggle_bus_straight_to_hell/
---
god i’ve been having such a SHIT time the past few weeks. i keep gaining and losing the same 8 pounds. everyone keeps telling me to eat. my therapist wants to preemptively hospitalize me (not for anything ED related, more so for bipolar). i’m drinking so much and i’m starving and binging and cutting myself and crying and sleeping and i feel like i’m in a different fucking dimension and everything is so heavy and dismal.

there’s literally no point to this post, i just don’t have anyone i can turn to. my therapist says my support system has run dry and i need to turn somewhere else but WHERE DO I TURN. i don’t wanna go to the hospital but i’m so sick and i don’t know what other options i have. if i don’t get help right now, i’ll try to kill myself again by the end of the year. and i’m sick of wanting to die, and trying to die. i’m sick of almost accidentally killing myself because i cut too deep. i’m sick of passing out at work from not eating and pretending to be ill. people are noticing, and commenting, and i’m getting sent home. my managers are worried about me. my doctors are worried about me. but where are my friends??? my family??? i feel like i’m flailing and drowning and i can’t find purchase to pull myself out of this lake.

whatever. i’m fine. i’m always fine. i’m just so fucking tired of this cycle.

[Rant/Rave] Why can’t I just be a normal fucking person?
/u/sunshineandpuppies98
Created: Mon Aug 27 16:18:52 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9atd4q/why_cant_i_just_be_a_normal_fucking_person/
---
I just b/p an entire bag of this maple bacon flavoured popcorn when I wasn’t even fucking hungry and it wasn’t even good and the whole time I just kept thinking like why couldn’t I have just not eaten it because I wasnt fucking hungry and why couldn’t I have just stopped eating it and thrown it out when I realized it wasn’t good and I didn’t like it???

Like that’s what normal people do when they don’t like something they just don’t fucking eat it

They don’t eat the whole bag and then spend 15 minutes throwing it up

Now I’m bloated and puffy and feel like crap and it wasn’t even good or worth it!!!!!

[Rant/Rave] Lost my Fitbit and my grip on life
/u/delaneyjay
Created: Mon Aug 27 16:02:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9at8h9/lost_my_fitbit_and_my_grip_on_life/
---
Well. I finally did it. My Fitbit was practically a part of me and only came off in the shower. Yesterday I went to work and forgot to put it back on. And surprise! When I got back it was nowhere to be found. It’s not anywhere in the house. Ruling out extremes like, I sleepwalked and threw it out or someone broke in and stole just my Fitbit, it’s gone. And I’m panic!

This has happened a couple times before admittedly with my wallet or passport or drivers license— I’ll turn the house upside down and inside out and back again looking for it, and then when I give up it’ll swoop in on golden wings and slap me in the face

Anyway, this is causing me a lot more anxiety than I should. I can’t track anything about my life, steps or heart rate or calories burned or sleep. Which is admittedly kind of stupid but I’m still worried... I mean how am I supposed to know anything!!

And onto the second half of the title. I’ve gained more weight and look fatter too. No big I guess /s. My friend/crush/partner in crime has moved away to college, “only” an hour away so easy to see but only on holidays and breaks.


That’s all I guess. Thanks for listening to my rant. Rip in peace my sanity

I just want to sleep
/u/annjovi
Created: Mon Aug 27 15:50:14 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9at5cj/i_just_want_to_sleep/
---
I have been (not diagnosed but whatever) bulimic for like 5 years now, I am 18. And I can't f*ckin do this anymore. Fourth day binging today. I feel fat, everything is bloated, even my cheeks feel fat. I have a sour taste in my mouth, it's almost midnight and I have to get up early to school tomorrow. But I ways need like 10 hours of sleep after b/p just to function normally. I haven't had a proper shower or meal in 3 days. I feel disgusting. Also in school I have no friends, I am constantly anxious, in breaks I always leave the school and go cry somewhere where nobody sees me. I feel so embarrassed. I am such a failure. My eating disorders is just the icing on the top of all my other problems. I just wanna die rn. Not saying that I'll kill myself, I won't, but tbh, if I continue with my ed this way I realistically won't have much life to live left. I should be way more scared of that than I am. I just wanna turn on Autopilot all through tomorrow and SLEEP. Please, I just want to sleep for a week and reset everything. Life is just too much for me. Rant end.

Gonna delete later just needed to get this off my chest.

I'm so happy right now
/u/isdrunknskinnyathing [5'2" | CW 110 | GW1 102 | GW2 95 ]
Created: Mon Aug 27 15:43:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9at3g5/im_so_happy_right_now/
---
Omg guys. So this week I was meeting my dad up at my grandpa's house to stay a few nights. My step-grandma, who I have always known, is so extremely judgmental about people's weights. The first time I remember her commenting on mine was when I was about 12 and had finally gotten out of the underweight category I had been in my whole life. She gave me a slice of cake then when I had finished it said something like "you've gained a lot of weight, isdrunknskinnyathing". Like woah. I'm literally a child. That whole side of the family is fucked, but anyways. So I was prepared for major triggering while I was here and have been restricting to about 400-500 cal/day. I just didn't want to fuel her fire.

&#x200B;

&#x200B;

Another relevant point is that my dad is really into photography. He's spent more on hobbies like this then on my entire childhood, BUT I DIGEST. Every time he takes pictures of me they come out looking horrible. I'm used to this, so I try not to let it get to me (at least until I'm alone). Just very wide, chubby looking face. I know its gonna happen so I just ignore it.

&#x200B;

&#x200B;

WELL! We all went out to dinner tonight and he took some pictures of me with my aunt. We were scrolling through them later on his camera and they looked horrible as per ushe(?). When we get to those ones he stops AND THE DRAGON LADY ACTUALLY SAID

&#x200B;

"That doesn't look like isdrunknskinnyathing at all!"

&#x200B;

So I'm thinking fuck can this be true? Is this not my ED making me see them this way? And my dad says

&#x200B;

"Isdrunknskinnyathing is really hard to photograph cause she's so pale that the flash always washes her out on my camera and the lens makes her face look wide"

&#x200B;

\*HALLELUJAH CHORUS PLAYS BLARINGLY THROUGHOUT MY SOUL\*

&#x200B;

Mother. Fuckin. Validation. And to top off a pretty good night, the permed wonder later referred to me as tiny. So I'm on cloud fucking nine right now. How are you alls nights going?

Eating from the trash
/u/ramargo [5'8" | huge | gelatinous brickhouse | F]
Created: Mon Aug 27 15:18:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aswem/eating_from_the_trash/
---
I just ate my roommate’s stale ciabatta bread from a full garbage can. Stale bread with hints of day old coffee grinds and banana peel. How are you guys?

[Help] If I do OMAD But eat normal portions on the weekend, will I continue to lose weight?
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | 116 | gw: 110| ugw: 105/100| F|19]
Created: Mon Aug 27 15:13:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9asuyo/if_i_do_omad_but_eat_normal_portions_on_the/
---
I just freak out when im with my bf and we eat together. It’s so much food easily 1000 calories on Saturday. I feel like all my work goes to shit.

Frustrated and at Wits End
/u/Psychological_Gold
Created: Mon Aug 27 15:06:24 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9asswx/frustrated_and_at_wits_end/
---
This may sound like nothing more than a rant and I figured this \*might\* be the correct group to post to. If not, please let me know and I'll figure out where this should go.

&#x200B;

Alright, so long story so I'll say Tl;DR : I'm doing literally everything I feel that I can and I'm not losing weight and have in fact GAINED weight and it's killing me. I could use suggestions or anything really.

&#x200B;

At my lowest ever (aside from being a kid) I was 120lbs. I'd like to get to that weight again or lower. I'm currently 30 years old, female and ....weigh 160 lbs right now. Just typing that out makes me cringe and hate myself. Around 2 years ago I weighed around 130-140lbs which I was "okay" with. I started doing the Keto diet and didn't really notice that it caused me to lose weight at all. Maybe a pound or two the whole time I was on it (maybe a year or less?) In between that time I also tried Weight Watchers which actually made me GAIN weight instead of lose. For over 3 years and counting I've been working out with a personal trainer 3x a week. I've tried intermittent fasting which I didn't see any weight change with that either. I've tried eliminating carbs as much as possible. I do not eat sugary items (unless it's a diet soda or the occasional treat which is rare). I've tried eliminating cheese and dairy -no change. I've tried eating organic and whole foods...again, no change and have actually gained weight. I will say that I was prescribed an antipsychotic but have been off it for almost 6 months now. My GP had me on a drug that was supposed to help with weight loss (can't remember the name of it) and that didn't change anything. She refuses to do any blood work or run any tests because according to my nutritionist the GP has "accessed me up and down and it's due to my mood stabilizer or anti-depressant drugs". I call bullshit. I'm seeing a nutritionist, I'm still working out--and mind you it's not "easy" working out. It's lifting weights, running, going until I hit body fatigue sometimes. This is THE BIGGEST source of depression for me and I can't even describe the feelings it makes me feel towards myself and the doctors I encounter.

&#x200B;

I'm asking for any advice, suggestions, recommendations, if anyone else has had this issue and what did they do...anything really. Thank you for taking the time to read this!

&#x200B;

&#x200B;

Any other trans folks in this sub?
/u/transedthrowaway
Created: Mon Aug 27 15:05:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9assru/any_other_trans_folks_in_this_sub/
---
I'm mostly curious because I find that my struggle with ED (bulimia, B+P, anorexia) as a trans man ties in a lot with my gender dysphoria. When I gain weight it goes right to my chest and hips but not my waist, so even as a fat guy (208 lbs, but I was 245 around this same time last year) I still have an hourglass figure which strongly contributes to people perceiving me as a woman. It's not quite as dramatic as it was before I started HRT, but the fat redistribution only changed my figure a little bit - not enough to really be noticeable.

My biggest motivation to lose weight is to get a skinny, androgynous figure so that way people will stop instantly assuming "girl" when they look at my body. That, and my surgeon wants me to lose at least 15 lbs before my top surgery next year lmao

Idk, if there are any other trans people in this sub who are comfortable discussing it, is your weight connected to dysphoria in any way? And has there been anything you've been able to do to combat it? (Besides the nightmare that is ED, anyway)

[Other] No fear
/u/to-be-a-feather [5'2 | 105 | 19.2 | SW 130 | F]
Created: Mon Aug 27 14:52:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9asor0/no_fear/
---
-walks into staff room, finds it filled with cakes and peanut butter and cheesy soups and bagels-

Serving size: 2+ fears

Noodles and company knows my personality too well.
/u/skydiver89 [5'4" CW 133 GW 125 UGW 115]
Created: Mon Aug 27 14:44:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9asm9w/noodles_and_company_knows_my_personality_too_well/
---
https://imgur.com/e7S0GKl

[Help] How do I not drop dead on Sunday?
/u/ilonacamille
Created: Mon Aug 27 14:43:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aslu2/how_do_i_not_drop_dead_on_sunday/
---
So a while ago I signed up for “Battle of Thor” which is an obstacle run. I spend 40 euros on it so I’m not going to skip it.

Basically you run 7km (mainly in the woods and grass fields) and there are a lot of intense obstacles. Crawling through mud, monkey bars(?), swimming, high walls,...

What should I eat the day before/that day if I want to survive the entire run? I get a banana and proteinbar at the finish.

I’m anxious because I feel like I’m “ruining” everything by eating but I realise that it could get really bad if I don’t have at least some food to help me through.

Gonna start EC stacking
/u/audreyhepburnwho [25F | 5'8 | cw 159 | hw 196 | sw 172 | lw 150 | ugw 145]
Created: Mon Aug 27 14:25:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9asgin/gonna_start_ec_stacking/
---
I already live on caffeine, gonna add ephedrine. I ordered bronkaid online, which cost me a good penny but I'm soooo curious to try it. At this point I'm really good with fasting for consecutive days so I've been getting results from that but I just can't help being curious how EC stacking could make it easier. I've only seen good reviews about it. I'm gonna make a post once I start and make a whole experiment out of it. I'm gonna share how much I lose in a week or two on it, what my intake is during that time so I can also compare to how much I've lost without it.
Anyone here currently EC stacking?

[Help] Most weight lost
/u/amysweetpea [5'4 | SW191 | CW152 | GW95.5 | F]
Created: Mon Aug 27 14:07:56 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9asba8/most_weight_lost/
---
I have a holiday in 40 days, I was just wondering the most weight people have lost in that time? I'm starting at a higher weight because of a long binge lol. I'm about 160 (I'm too scared to weigh rn) how much do you think I could lose from your own experiences?

[Discussion] r/IntermittentFasting and r/1200isplenty are this subreddit in disguise
/u/neptunestatss
Created: Mon Aug 27 14:07:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9asb9d/rintermittentfasting_and_r1200isplenty_are_this/
---


[Discussion] dae get super triggered by anger
/u/cactirootz [4'11 | 84 | F]
Created: Mon Aug 27 13:54:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9as7b8/dae_get_super_triggered_by_anger/
---
like not even anger about ed related stuff. whenever anything pisses me off, i’m so fucking motivated to restrict. i think it’s my bpd because i feel like it makes me want to do other reckless and impulsive shit. also maybe the control factor?? like i just found out that my bf is driving his (really gross and annoying) coworker to get his car at a shop almost an hour away when we usually go to a car meet every monday and he was like “aren’t you coming to drive him up too?” and idk why, probably because my 2nd dose of vyvanse just kicked in but that made me so irrationally angry. i’m literally so pissed right now and that makes me want to do bad things to myself like purge even tho i haven’t eaten in 34 hours. ugh

TIL that a whole head of cauliflower has 17g of protein.
/u/LunaticalPitties
Created: Mon Aug 27 13:52:16 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9as6ja/til_that_a_whole_head_of_cauliflower_has_17g_of/
---
220 calories. Yep. I ate a whole head of cauliflower.

[Rant/Rave] Thank you, popcorn
/u/smalltits_mcgee
Created: Mon Aug 27 13:45:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9as4fr/thank_you_popcorn/
---
3.5 cups for 150 cals? what a deal

[Rant/Rave] Ugh getting set off grocery shopping
/u/Backhereagainn [5'2 | 152 | Aiming for 146 by 9/25 | -10 Lost | f21]
Created: Mon Aug 27 13:33:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9as0n8/ugh_getting_set_off_grocery_shopping/
---
I really hate buying food, "I shouldn't buy this, I already have more food than I need, Calorie count is wrong" added in we got pizza for dinner ughhh. I'm completely changing how much/when I eat right now which is already stressful as shit and I'm freaked out by just food in general.

I'm going to get a cherry bubbly, Unwrap my squishy and go back to binge watching Shameless before I die from anxiety.

Can we talk dental insurance?
/u/LeOssa
Created: Mon Aug 27 13:14:18 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aruxq/can_we_talk_dental_insurance/
---
I'd probably get more pertinent (albeit, fewer) results in r/proEDadults but I'm kind of frazzled.

I'm wondering what the BEST dental insurance I can get would be for a short about of time. I just need it long enough to get all the fillings I need.

Even the low cost clinic near me charges 250 a filling and I need upwards of 10. Possibly more.

Bulimia is bad kids, mmmkay.



[Help] Question about pooping
/u/evaa98
Created: Mon Aug 27 13:08:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9art3z/question_about_pooping/
---
What do you do to still being able to poop while restricting? I don't want to take laxatives. I am trying dryed plums right now but I am not sure if it works

Thanks a lot 💓

[Discussion] What are the ways you lie to yourself that how you’re eating is fine and that your ED is getting better
/u/sunnshine67 [5'4 Vampire| GW1: 120 | CW:141 | -24 | ]
Created: Mon Aug 27 13:06:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9arsia/what_are_the_ways_you_lie_to_yourself_that_how/
---
I know my ED is actually getting worse but i justify it because I could lose 20 pounds and still be in the healthy BMI range. I might only eat 300 cals a day and drink more caffeine then I should but since I don’t log my black coffee, tea, gum or spices, I’m defiantly in total control and not being disordered, just disciplined (LOL).

I'm my own worst enemy
/u/clare988
Created: Mon Aug 27 13:03:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9arrrc/im_my_own_worst_enemy/
---
I've been restricting really well and when I weighed myself this morning I was 7st 13.6 lb.. was pretty happy cos I hate being over 8 stone and I felt it was gonna be easy to hit my goal weight before I start uni in October.

Hahahah but turns out my brain had other ideas. I was really really tired today because I went out last night and got in at 4am...I took mdma which USUALLY suppresses my appetite beautifully but today.. well.. I probably consumed about 2000 calories out of sluggish boredom. I started my day at 12.30 with a large bowl of home made fruit crumble, telling myself that this was fine because it would be my OMAD and was at most 550 calories. Nah. Throughout the day I followed this delightful healthy (jk) breakfast with a slice of buttered marmite bread, two oatcakes with reduced fat cream cheese and pesto, about 10 nuts, two chocolate rice cakes, a slice of cake, a teaspoon of Nutella and a few spoonfuls of home made curry. Finished with more crumble just for good measure.

WHY DO I SELF SABOTAGE LIKE THIS?? I'm praying to any God that'll listen to my greedy ass that this was no more than 2000 but idk honestly.

Really I feel like my instances of overconsumption are triggered by my restriction: I don't have fear foods exactly but eating 500 calories a day doesn't allow for much fun (or good nutrition tbh) in my diet so when I kinda feel like I've fucked up by starting my day with dessert part of my brain is like YASSSS you've already fucked up now just eat anything and everything you'd usually want to but can't hahahah let's go mental!!!!

I don't really ever over eat to the point of feeling sick and honestly spread across the whole day this hasn't even left me feeling too full. Basically I just feel physically satisfied for once but mentally I am DISSATISFIED and longing for the hunger pangs that usually I find painful. Tomorrow will be depressing seeing the scale go up to like 8st 2lb again. Mostly water weight but still........... I'm either fasting or at worst eating >400 calories.

Thx for listening to my frustrated ramblings kids

too hungry to concentrate on work
/u/theleftoveryou
Created: Mon Aug 27 13:00:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9arqi2/too_hungry_to_concentrate_on_work/
---
I'm giving an important presentation at work tomorrow and still have finishing touches I need to put on it but I'm too hungry to concentrate. I already had a small dinner and can't bring myself to eat more because it will be more important to eat before the presentation tomorrow so I don't fuck it up. Of course the rational thing to do would be to eat now AND tomorrow, but we can't have that now, can we? I guess I'll drink a coke zero and hope it helps :(

Do you ever just want to end your life?
/u/facesonplaces
Created: Mon Aug 27 12:58:22 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9arq0i/do_you_ever_just_want_to_end_your_life/
---
I can’t get into treatment. I can’t starve myself perfectly. I can’t stop binging and purging. My life is becoming too expensive and I am too depressed to keep looking for help. I feel like everything is fighting against me and I’m the one who’s not doing anything right. I really want to end it all. I want people to know that these diseases kill. I don’t know why I’m posting here. I just need some solidarity. It will never get better. 18 years since I first purged and it’s been a fiery hellscape ever since. At this point I feel like it only makes sense to throw in the towel.

Have you ever known an ED sufferer who ended their life?

[Help] TMI... I need advice. 💩
/u/skinthin [5'0| 100 | 19.3 | 35 lbs | F]
Created: Mon Aug 27 12:53:59 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aror9/tmi_i_need_advice/
---
Hey guys. I need some help regarding my BMs. It’s been exactly two weeks since I’ve taken a poop, and over two weeks since I have pooped without a laxative. I haven’t been able to go in so long, and about two weeks ago I took a laxative and it gave me such bad stomach pains that I almost passed out on the toilet and had to have my boyfriend come sit with me while I shat and cried. I don’t know what’s up, and I don’t want to see a doctor. I’ve upped my calorie intake to 700 calories a day and have been eating more fiber and drinking lots of coffee and prune juice but absolutely nothing is working and I’m too scared to take another laxative until I get sorted out. Any of you got any tips to get my bowels moving naturally? I’m terrified that because I’m not pooping I’m just storing all the food inside me and gaining weight from it. Help me pls, I’ll try anything at this point!

TGH
/u/throwawayyaaaaay123
Created: Mon Aug 27 12:41:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9arktx/tgh/
---
Has anyone been a patient in the ED program at TGH in Toronto? I’ve been on the waiting list for a long time now, and I’ll probably get a spot soon, so I’m starting to worry abt what it’ll be like. If you have experiences to share, I would really appreciate hearing about them! Thanks.

Mmmmmm
/u/mladyisthename
Created: Mon Aug 27 12:40:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9arkip/mmmmmm/
---
https://i.redd.it/6nnxewbpkoi11.jpg

[Rant/Rave] I'm so happy rn
/u/NovANDP [5'4" | 166 lb | 28.5 | 15 lb | Trying]
Created: Mon Aug 27 12:30:35 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9arhv6/im_so_happy_rn/
---
I'm at the doctor office, and I was just told that I've lost 20 pound in 4 months!! But I think I can try to lose faster...

[Rant/Rave] Decided to binge real hard while only being 2 kg away from gw
/u/thinraindrop
Created: Mon Aug 27 11:55:00 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ar6np/decided_to_binge_real_hard_while_only_being_2_kg/
---
Yo I am the biggest failure. Last week I restricted like totally amazing. Im talking the kind of restriction where everything in life is under control. I knew exactly what was in my fridge and on what days I would eat certain things etc.

Then the weekend came around and now I've been binging like super hard for three days straight. All I can think about is how all my progress is lost. I only have 2 kg to go and I hate myself for fucking up.

I'm feeling super sick rn because of how full I am but I promised myself not to purge anymore. I have to go to work in about one hour and I really just want to curl up in bed and die or something.

Also, two "friends" of mine have been spreading rumors about me relapsing again since they found laxatives in my purse. So that totally sucks.

Okay rant over.

Tldr: I am a piece of shit

Why do I hate myself so much
/u/iron_blanket
Created: Mon Aug 27 11:30:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aqyvv/why_do_i_hate_myself_so_much/
---
After weighing myself last week on accident and realising I only lost 3 kgs. I have self sabotaged massively. I have spent since Friday shoveling food into my mouth. I have managed to fight to urge to purge, but I just feel so disgusting and full. I'm bloated and I feel sick from all the sugar and fat

Why do I do this to myself? Is it punishment? Do I really hate myself so much I am going to go through these cycles forever.

I'm going to fast tomorrow and then start omad, but I just feel so out of control.

It's like I'm a junk food vampire, once I have a taste for sugar and fat I can't stop

Fml

take it where you can find it
/u/paleartichoke
Created: Mon Aug 27 11:29:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aqyhn/take_it_where_you_can_find_it/
---

I am a new nurse, which has kicked my eating/food hangups into overdrive since it is now constant checks and balances--I have to eat enough to function for work but I also want to keep losing. I gained a lot in nursing school and it grosses me out. So that's motivating me atm.

I had an interaction that gave me the warm fuzzies. But I had no one to share it with because it's kind of a twisted thing to be happy about. Anyways an elderly patient's daughter called me to clarify some things she had heard from my patient's husband. She said "all he told me was that the skinny nurse who hands out medications gave me this paperwork--god dad, that could have been anyone!". BUT it was definitely me and the comment gave me such a little buzz. I hope some of you can relate (:

[Rant/Rave] gonna b/p when i get home, anyone else?
/u/relativeletter6 [161cm | 55.1kg | gw 50kg]
Created: Mon Aug 27 11:29:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aqy9x/gonna_bp_when_i_get_home_anyone_else/
---
went back to school today, been restricting kinda low for two days prior (i fucking hate restricting), just want to fucking BINGE and eat 4000 calories of salty food without gaining lmfao.
not asking for advice just curious if anyone else started school today and is b/p’ing outta stress
rip 3 days purge free uwu

[Help] How to get back on track? :(
/u/baby---
Created: Mon Aug 27 11:27:06 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aqxog/how_to_get_back_on_track/
---
Hi,
I’ve struggled with disordered eating for a longgggg time now (around 7 years) but about a year ago (i know it’s been ages) i decides to ‘recover’.

This basically means I binge eat all day, every day whilst crying whenever I look at myself in the mirror, weighing myself whenever I’m near scales and hating myself incessantly and now that I’m fat, even more so than before.
I can physically see myself my legs get bigger whenever I eat.
I have ballooned up to the point of obesity, so I wasted ages of hard work and restriction.

Does anyone else have phases like this? How do you get out of them? I seriously want to die...

Freedom in University
/u/gregorrryyy [6'1"|CW:178|SW:186|GW:150|Male]
Created: Mon Aug 27 11:26:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aqxh6/freedom_in_university/
---
I'm writing this as I await my first class at university. I'm honestly so excited because I hate being at home all summer and having my family see my eating habits. At uni, no one really cares and I have so much freedom to choose what I eat; or if I even want to eat. I never thought I would be as excited about school as I currently am.

[Goal] Entered the 120’s today - first time in 2+ years 😄
/u/ketothrowaway95 [5'2.5" | CW 133 | BMI 23.9 | -54 | UGW 99 | F]
Created: Mon Aug 27 11:18:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aqv4c/entered_the_120s_today_first_time_in_2_years/
---
I’m on day 6 of an extended 0cal fast - I started at 134 and as of today... 129.4!! Since I’m on my period I did NOT expect to whoosh at all.

I’m fasting all day tomorrow as well, and breaking my fast on Wednesday with 200cal of liquids (low cal yogurt (70) and broccoli soup with instant broth (5), 1 cup broccoli (25) and 1/2 tbsp chili oil (60). I have my whole week planned - going to a wedding on Friday and I hope to be down to 126/127 by then.

It also helps that I walk to and from school - should average about 7 miles a day. It’s crazy how much energy I have in a fasted state!

age and bmi
/u/HotMessCentral
Created: Mon Aug 27 11:04:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aqqgg/age_and_bmi/
---
My bmi is quite underweight and my ribs and collarbones and hipbones stick out and im always fucking cold. However, when you take the age adjusted bmi calculator im just on the lower end of normal fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck my life.

[Rant/Rave] I fucked up :-)
/u/urfavoritehalflight [5’7 | 135 bs | BMI 21 | -65 lbs | 20M]
Created: Mon Aug 27 10:57:05 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aqnz2/i_fucked_up/
---
We had a party at my apartment last night and pretty much all of my friends came and were having a good time. For context, I live with my best friend and my boyfriend. I had only had about 250~ish calories that day but I got crossfaded on like 4-5 huge hits of weed and a limearita tall boy. Within like 20 minutes I was literally incapable of moving my body and was fading in and out of consciousness. My boyfriend and friends were really concerned and moved me to my bed and kept an eye on me. They’re also aware of my ED and that i hadn’t eaten much that day which is probably why it affected me so badly. They tried to make me eat some rice just to get some carbs in my stomach but i couldn’t even hold the fork, i only got a couple of pathetic bites in before giving up. I had completely lost control of my body which triggered a severe anxiety attack and made everything worse. My friend called my mom and asked her what to do and she told them to take me to the ER, also outing my eating problems to her at the same time (apparently she was suspicious already so that’s fucking great). My friend had to literally pick me up and carry me out to my other friends car and once we got to the ER they had to put me in a wheelchair to bring me inside. They took my vitals and they were okay enough that they said i probably just drank too much and sent me back home. They asked me how much I weigh and I told them, and it was the first time my bf found out my weight. I honestly don’t remember like 75% of what happened but it was absolutely horrifying and embarrassing and I woke up this morning to discover my boyfriend deleted loseit last night while he had my phone to call my mom. So now everyone is worried which makes me feel so guilty and on top of that, everyone is probably gonna be on me like white on rice from here on, including my mom. Not to mention it’s the first day of the new semester and I’m more hungover than i’ve ever been in my entire life. Moral of the story? Uh... don’t drink and smoke a ton of weed on an empty stomach i guess? I don’t know. I’m just feeling really ashamed of myself. Sorry this is worded so badly I just needed to get my feelings out somewhere.

OMAD questions
/u/dorisholliday
Created: Mon Aug 27 10:47:40 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aql1j/omad_questions/
---
I had planned to start OMAD this week, mostly because I have an injury and haven't been able to work out and no calories burned = no calories earned for me. My one meal is going to be dinner, because my kid and husband and I always have family dinner at the end of the day. (Usually I eat lunch, later in the afternoon fruit/protein bar, and then dinner in the evening.)

Today is the first day I'm doing it. I'm so hungry. I'm just trying to fill the void with water and coffee. So, for seasoned OMAD-ers: is it going to be this way forever? Or does your body adapt to realizing it's only getting one meal a day? I'm high-key concerned that I'll end up going over my preferred calorie goal at dinner. How many calories do you eat for you meal? I keep telling myself, "Only X more hours until dinner."

I am also struggling with the fact that when I was younger I could fast for days, and now I'm having trouble with 18 fucking hours.

[Discussion] What do you guys get from iherb and amazon?
/u/Yourtiming
Created: Mon Aug 27 10:28:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aqf3x/what_do_you_guys_get_from_iherb_and_amazon/
---
I’ve been doing well with my diet and I thought I should probably mix up my snacks and meals up. What do you guys usually buy to eat or drink online?

[Help] Can anorexic make you infertile?
/u/comrade_toastboy [65 | 116 | gw: 110| ugw: 105/100| F|19]
Created: Mon Aug 27 10:11:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aq9yu/can_anorexic_make_you_infertile/
---
I hate my fertility and it was that amenhorrea can happen. Does this mean you are infertile? I want to get rid of my fertility.

Social eating? Watch people eat food? WTF American Mukbang with boyfriend | Watch us eat
/u/FALLENTEE
Created: Mon Aug 27 10:09:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aq99e/social_eating_watch_people_eat_food_wtf_american/
---
https://youtu.be/HpxrWV06A4s

[Discussion] I just want to eat
/u/imgonnaloseitall [173cm | cw66.8kg | gw59kg | F |]
Created: Mon Aug 27 10:09:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aq99b/i_just_want_to_eat/
---
I feel like I could eat as many rice cakes as I want, I could stuff them down my throat until my stomach is close to exploding - but I would still be hungry.

None of the safe foods feel like FOOD. I want to enjoy eating again, I don’t just want to take up space. It’s weird I don’t know

Fun weekend
/u/InSkyLimitEra [AN-R]
Created: Mon Aug 27 10:00:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aq6b6/fun_weekend/
---
Boy did relapse get tempting this weekend.

My mom came in town to visit and brought a bunch of my sister’s... hand-me-ups?... to have me try on despite my protests. Naturally, she made me anyway and I proceeded to have to see just how disgusting I look in all sorts of clothes I’ve never seen myself in before. Gross.

We went to a restaurant and I tried to order something I thought would be small and low calorie. It was large and high calorie and I ate the whole goddamn thing anyway.

The worst was when my mentor and I were texting back and forth and we were talking about bourbon/whiskey cabinets (random, I know). I sent him the only picture I have of mine, which involves a picture of me from a time when I was quite underweight. I have pictures of myself that look really sick from that weekend, but admittedly in this particular picture, I looked somewhat more normal.

I said parenthetically, “it’s hard to believe that I almost didn’t go home that weekend because I was embarrassed that I weighed so much.” My implication was that I thought I looked thin. He must not have understood, because he said something like, “I know you have an unusual relationship with food and weight, but for once, just take the compliment—you look GREAT in that picture!”

I was like “...yeah, I know, that’s because I was super-underweight. But thanks.” He changed the subject.

He’s a doctor and around that weight/time had told me that I looked way too thin. But now being told I looked great by a doctor makes me feel like a failure, like I didn’t get light enough for it to be apparent that I was sick. Again, that particular picture hid it somewhat.

But still, just... ugh. “Bad things come in 3s,” as they say, and this makes me want to never eat again. Unfortunately, I have to :(

[Rant/Rave] I don’t feel well
/u/twa1238
Created: Mon Aug 27 09:59:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aq5sx/i_dont_feel_well/
---
I’ve eaten 600 calories yesterday evening after fasting for two days and I feel ill since. Had to eat a 200 calories breakfast with fruit and yogurt at work today and feel worse. I know I ate too much yesterday but I couldn’t make myself purge, I’ve tried forever and nothing came up.

I’ve tried it again today, I feel like I’m going to throw up my whole mouth feels terrible but still, nothing comes up!????! I just want to be empty I feel so sick

I’m so angry at myself I KNEW I should have eaten something light and small yesterday after the first time Fasting again but I got scared of going into ED territory again and thought it might be better to eat something caloric and now I just want to die (I also weigh 0,6kilo more than yesterday morning so there’s that)

[Rant/Rave] Rant about sizing issues
/u/mcsweeniesweenies
Created: Mon Aug 27 09:53:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aq43h/rant_about_sizing_issues/
---
Delete if not allowed, first time poster been lurking a while though.

I was doing my measurements today and found my underbust is now 36.5inches (which is better than my 44 previously) but I was confused as to how my bras, which I purchased when I was at a 40in band, still fit because it makes me feel as if I’m not really losing you know? So I measure my actual bra at the band and it comes to a whopping 35 inches. Literally RIGHT above my measuring tape the bra clearly says 40INCHES.
I’m happy I lost but this really just confused the shit out of me. I hate clothes and sizing and shopping. Fml.

[Rant/Rave] Having an ED = constantly letting people down
/u/sigvi
Created: Mon Aug 27 09:39:26 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9apznm/having_an_ed_constantly_letting_people_down/
---
I always forget that my ED affects the people in my life. I recently canceled a meeting at an eating disorder center and everyone around me freaked out. My teacher, who’s sort of been helping me with my issues (it’s really weird I know), was really upset and said that what I did wasn’t okay at all. My best friend was mad and so was my sister.

I know it makes sense that they’re upset, but it just makes me wish I never told anyone in my life about my problems. It can be a relief when you first do it but I kinda wish they would just forget about it after a while. But they don’t. They expect you to get better. They want you to be happy. They want to check up on you. They ask you how you’re doing and they want you to be honest.

It’s very sweet that they care, I understand that. But it also makes me want to punch them in the face and scream at them to mind their own business.

I do want to be normal and get help. But sometimes I just want to be left alone to binge and/or starve as much as I want. Just me and my ED.

I should’ve never told anyone. I’m doomed to be a disappointment forever. Ughhhh I just LOVE my life


[Rant/Rave] My BFs roommate is an ass.
/u/Panda_Melody [5'5 | CW: 125| BMI: 21.05|HW: 168 | LW: 108 | F]
Created: Mon Aug 27 09:37:34 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9apz3o/my_bfs_roommate_is_an_ass/
---
Warning: long, possibly triggering.

TLDR: went to visit out of town BF for the weekend. Got verbally harassed by his Stupid gym crazy roommate.

Background: So I started seeing this guy about a month ago (we’re not official yet but we are only seeing each other. For convenience sake well call him my BF) and he lives an hour and a half away now cause school.
I came down this weekend to visit and I’ve been in hard core restriction mode lately because I gained like 20lbs (yay binge cycle!)and have to fit into my jeans for fall (can’t afford to buy more atm)
They’re both hard core gym nuts. Very big muscley guys and they eat a fuck load (cause they have to, they’re huge)

Anyways, breakfast time rolls around and they’re making these huge omelettes and bacon and all this horrifyingly calorific nonsence and I’m just sticking with my coffee. BF just drops it cause it’s as per usual for me. But his FUCKING ROOMMATE starts going on about how BF needs to “put some meat on my bones” and how coffee isn’t breakfast blah blah blah. I let it slide because well, coffee isn’t breakfast but the thought of food in the am makes me sick to my stomach.
Lunch time... BF and I decide we’re going to make corn dogs ( definitely not my choice but they’re only 230cal for one so I’ll do one for lunch) BF is having 3 cause he’s huge. Here comes roommate with his opinion and how I “haven’t eaten anything all day and now I’m only having ONE corn dog” and now I’m really starting to get irritated. These guys are med students... They should know that if someone my size ate like they did I’d be 400 freaking pounds. So I politely let roommate know this and that a single corn dog is (more than) adequate for me. He mumbles something I didn’t catch and goes back to studying.

Dinner time (aka the fun part)
BF and Roommate decide to make fried rice (fuck me oh my god I was freaking out) I knew this was going to be awful, and though it wasn’t as bad as I thought, it was still rough.
BF proceeds to make the most fried rice in the world. So much butter, so much egg, pork, and like HALF THE FUCKING BOTTLE OF SOY SAUCE!!!! GOOD GOD MAN YOURE GONNA GIVE US BOTH A HEART ATTACK ! It ended up being too salty for me to even stomach eating I felt pretty bad cause he put a bit of effort into it. But he understood and offered to make me a new batch... (fuq) (he ate my serving of the salty awful rice,2 whole plates...HOW) the new batch was much better but he plopped down this MASSIVE plate of rice in front of me. I managed to get away with only eating like 5-6 bites and I was able to push the rest to one side of the plate and it made it look like I ate like half the plate lol. So, ROOMMATE chimes in “that’s all you’re gonna eat? You need to eat more you’re too tiny”(im not tiny at all, he’s just like 250lbs of muscle) and “are you coming to the gym with us in the am?” No I’m not. I don’t like working out (in front of people) “well what if we told you exactly what to do?” No thank you. I’m good. He just would not fucking drop it. I got fed up and lost it on him. Basically that he needs to mind his own business about my dietary habits and if I felt like going to the gym with them I would have gone any of the other times my BF has invited me. (He always asks if I want to join him when he leaves and respects when I say no the first time and doesn’t push. He just lets me know I’m welcome which I think is really sweet)

So ya. Sorry for how jumbled my thoughts were. It was pretty stressful, and for the record my BF is a sweet guy and means well. He did chime in on my behalf a few times but he knows that I can speak for myself, so he mainly stayed out of it.

[Discussion] dae still eat like shit?
/u/itsyaboifranzi
Created: Mon Aug 27 09:35:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9apyfg/dae_still_eat_like_shit/
---
im talkin like pizza rolls, chips and every other kind of junk food. i dont get to eat much of it bc of how low my limit is but i still eat it every day i actually eat, also kinda unrelated but ngl im hoping one day i'm thin enough for someone to wonder how i can eat such bad food and stay so thin tbh

Any diets you’ve always wanted to try?
/u/MOSEDalt
Created: Mon Aug 27 09:32:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9apxjd/any_diets_youve_always_wanted_to_try/
---
I’m starting a 21 day rice mono diet when school starts, but I’m looking for some ideas. I’m open to pretty much anything except high protein (the fat content is difficult to balance for me)

So, if anybody has diets that they’ve always wanted to try, hit me up and I’ll log it for you!

[Discussion] It amazes me that people still drink full calorie sodas
/u/audreyhepburnwho [25F | 5'8 | cw 159 | hw 196 | sw 172 | lw 150 | ugw 145]
Created: Mon Aug 27 09:26:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9apvon/it_amazes_me_that_people_still_drink_full_calorie/
---
No joke, mine and a coworkers shelves at work include empty cans of exactly the same drinks: lipton sparkling ice tea, rockstar energy drink, and coca cola. Except she has all three in the regular versions and I have them in the zero/light versions loool. I noticed it this morning and thought it was funny af. But like i dont get it. Even if you're not worrying about your weight (which, not to be mean but she's visibly obese), why waste calories on them? I get that a lot of people think sweeteners are the devil but it's so alien to me. Even when I'm in binge cycles where i can easily down 4000 cals a day and not give a fuck, I'll still get the zero calorie sodas.

[Discussion] Exercise and appetite control
/u/eva1588
Created: Mon Aug 27 09:24:02 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9apuw5/exercise_and_appetite_control/
---
I didn't do my usually 50 minutes of cardio yesterday. And I got a lot less hungrier, especially at night. I am wondering if I should work out less to control the appetite.... Anyone here find working out helpful or harmful to appetite control?

[Discussion] anyone else triggered to binge on an unstructured “nothing going on” kinda day?
/u/ScrunchiesandDraino [5’8”| CW: idk on purpose| BMI: obese |20F]
Created: Mon Aug 27 09:20:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aptuo/anyone_else_triggered_to_binge_on_an_unstructured/
---
i had the weekend off from my retail job and i bought a bunch of binge food from the grocery store bc..... i honestly can’t say??? and now that it’s in my house i NEED TO EAT IT. mostly so i can begin a fast right after but...

the whole reason i left the house was because i was feeling depressed, so i went shopping, but i’m on a no-buy for pretty much everything i own because i’m uncontrollable in all aspects of my life, not just eating.

tbh i’m a mess and now there’s pringles in the pantry and yogurt covered pretzels and goddamn i wanna eat it all

[Goal] 120 by 21
/u/LumosErin [5'5.5" | 131-132 | 21.5-21.6 | GW: 115-120 | 20F]
Created: Mon Aug 27 09:14:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aprob/120_by_21/
---
Today, August 27 is the first day of school. (To my knowledge): I am 131-132 lbs.

My goal weight (120 lbs) will hopefully be reached by October 26- my 21st birthday. It WILL be reached.

Let’s do this.

Disgusted, starting over
/u/tsutsuu
Created: Mon Aug 27 09:07:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9appit/disgusted_starting_over/
---
I'm feeling so disgusting. My anorexia started when I was 13. It continued till I was about 16. From 17-19 my anorexic thoughts were extremely mild and it was almost gone. But then. College time. I started binge eating because of my anxiety/stress/bad feelings. I'm living alone now so it's more difficult to control my eating. Ironic. But back at my parent's house I was too embarrassed to eat. Here instead, I can eat without anyone seeing. But doing that, backfired. The new semester is starting in a week and I feel so fat and ugly. My face has always been kind of round but now it's even more round. My jeans are feeling quite tight and I still eat unhealthy snacks. Today I thought that this is the day, I stop eating all that garbage. But it didn't happen. I'm feeling so fucking anxious and I hate the stomach rolls I have now. I used to be about 49-50kg but now I bet I am like 55kg. For some people it might not seem like a lot but it's a big deal for me. I'm going to start fasting again. There's still about week and I have a little bit of time to do something to this problem. I just...ugh.. I dislike my body. I want to be skinnier again. And reach my goal weight that used to be about 45kg, but I never reached it. I want it. I need to take action.

[Discussion] Non-diet looking Zero calorie drinks?
/u/monday-mundane
Created: Mon Aug 27 09:03:49 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9apo7l/nondiet_looking_zero_calorie_drinks/
---
I can't buy diet soda when out with my family because it makes me look disordered. I also told them I was quitting sodas because it gave me an excuse to refuse one if they tried to offer me a full sugar one.

What are some good alternatives to grab when at the store, preferably without a big 'DIET' label slapped on? I hate most sparkling water (ICE is really good though..) but refuse to drink any liquid calories, 10 at most. What are some drinks you like that don't look suspicious?

Thank you in advance 😅

[Rant/Rave] In a shit mood because of the scale this morning
/u/2ndfirstday [5'5" | 101 lbs | 16.8 BMI | -3 lbs | F]
Created: Mon Aug 27 09:02:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9apnn4/in_a_shit_mood_because_of_the_scale_this_morning/
---
Stepped on and was ecstatic because it read 98.9 lbs. Then I stepped off and back on again. 101.0. again. 101.0. 101.0 101.0 again again again on and off and on and off 101.0

&#x200B;

i'm fucking pissed and i hate everything

Is anyone on here in therapy?
/u/Paisleybabe
Created: Mon Aug 27 08:50:39 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9apk76/is_anyone_on_here_in_therapy/
---
Do you talk about you ED or other struggles you have? What's your general feeling towards therapy? Is it helping?

I'll be starting therapy soon and I'm still debating on whether or not I want to open up about my ED

[Rant/Rave] *colapses to tge floor* WHYYYYYY
/u/foxlatte [5'8" ♡ sw: 196.2 cw: 193.2 ♡ gw: 130 ♡ 22f]
Created: Mon Aug 27 08:28:10 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9apdr2/colapses_to_tge_floor_whyyyyyy/
---
basically, I bought a six pack of this frozen yakisoba to take to work and heat up for lunch! I was super excited, and have already taken it once, because it was only 220 calories. I recently redownloaded lose it and went to scan it and 440 calories came up... and I looked and sure enough. 220 per serving, 12 servings in the box. there's 6 individual packages..... FUCK! GOD WHY CANT COMPANIES JUST SAY HOW MANY CALORIES PER PACKAGE. NO ONE IS GOING TO HEAT EAT A HALF PACKAGE.

Fasting
/u/cherryxnut
Created: Mon Aug 27 07:11:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aot3g/fasting/
---
This is my third attempt at a 24 hour fast. I am on 24 hours. I planned on eating about 500 cals when the 24 hours arrived. Now I’m thinking what’s the point in fasting if I’m gonna eat my daily calories pretty much at once? So now I feel like I can’t eat and I should continue fasting. I feel... scared and controlled? I don’t know if that makes sense. But I’m dizzy and light headed. Anyone else experienced this?

My mother triggered me and when I got upset she got angry
/u/Tear-in-my-heart
Created: Mon Aug 27 06:50:41 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aonmu/my_mother_triggered_me_and_when_i_got_upset_she/
---
Today my mum went shopping and for some unknown reason decided to buy me a pair of trousers which were two sizes bigger than I would usually fit into and it’s strange because she knows what size I usually am in clothes. I was so inwardly upset because it’s obvious that she sees me as this giant whale even though I have been losing weight. It really drove my body dysmorphia into overdrive and I feel so hideous and disgusting. She asked what was wrong and I reluctantly told her that it was because she bought me two sizes up in trousers and it made me feel bad. She proceeded to get really angry at me and say that she didn’t know why I was upset, she said that she knows that I like my food and that the way I’m eating that I’ll fit into them in no time. I binged for the first time in weeks last night after an almost two day fast because I was upset about something. I haven’t eaten at all today. She knows that I have an unhealthy relationship with food but she doesn’t take it seriously. All I want to do is hide away. I feel like I never want to eat another crumb again. I’m sorry I’m ranting here but I just kind of needed to let this all out.

r/fatpeoplehate alternatives?
/u/hshashshsbsvwoshsudv
Created: Mon Aug 27 06:37:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aoke2/rfatpeoplehate_alternatives/
---
Fucked up request I know, but hear me out. Throwaway account obviously.


I can't stop bingeing, I used to be able to control it better by hating myself because of fatpeoplehate but that's now gone, also thinspo is basically a porn subreddit now which is fucked up.


I need the toxic environment or some proper inspiration to combat the binges, I'd rather fuck myself up mentally because thats a better alternative, at least for me, than purging, or doing coke which is expensive but my only option since caffeine no longer works on me.


So if anyone knows where I can get content as such let me know, or PM me if you want to be anonymous.


Thanks for your understanding.

Weekly Stats Update! August 27, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Aug 27 06:14:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aoezp/weekly_stats_update_august_27_2018/
---
This is the weekly status thread for August 27, 2018.

The weekly status thread is to help motivate our users, and to eventually see how far they've come! Be it for weight loss, weight gain, or maintaining- everyone is welcome.

Please include the following information (with all necessary units of measurement):

* Height:

* Current weight (CW):

* Highest weight (HW):

* Lowest weight (LW):

* Goal weight (GW):

* Ultimate goal weight (UGW):

* Weight lost (WL):

* BMI: ([Use this to calculate your BMI](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html))

* Age:

* Gender expression:

Here's a handy-dandy copy/paste of the above format:

* Height:

* CW:

* HW:

* LW:

* GW:

* UGW:

* WL:

* BMI:

* Age:

* Gender expression:

*****

Status threads are posted every Monday.

Have any questions or concerns? Comment below, or [PM the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FproED)


[Sticky] Daily Food Diary! August 27, 2018
/u/AutoModerator
Created: Mon Aug 27 06:14:29 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9aoeyk/daily_food_diary_august_27_2018/
---
This is a daily food diary thread for August 27, 2018.

You do not necessarily need to wait until the end of the day to post all your meals. You can post now and then edit.

A possible format:

* **Breakfast**

* **Lunch**

* **Dinner**

* **Snacks**

* **Total:**

For more daily discussion, join our discord server [here.](https://discord.gg/NTsGapV)


[Rant/Rave] [NSFW-ish] Welp, this is a slight-issue that comes with weight less that I was NOT expecting
/u/PandiThrowaway1
Created: Mon Aug 27 05:21:57 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ao39t/nsfwish_welp_this_is_a_slightissue_that_comes/
---
So I'm 5'2" and I've lost 18.5 lbs and putting me at a BMI of 23.1, which isn't even skinny by any means but it's my lowest weight in like 3 years. I can feel my ribs way more easily now and I'm VERY ticklish - so as you can imagine, this just makes the ticklish-ness worse when I get intimate with my boyfriend. The last time we were fooling around, I got ticklish from the smallest rubs against my sides and couldn't stop laughing. He definitely noticed that it's something new as previously I guess I had more padding against my ribs that didn't trigger my ticklishness from just general intimacy...

&#x200B;

Not sure if there's any actual solution for this except for me to just get used to it... and I guess it'll get worse as I lose. Damn.

[Rant/Rave] I hate tall people. (TW!!)
/u/MolarPet27
Created: Mon Aug 27 03:25:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9anh5c/i_hate_tall_people_tw/
---
I get barely 1200 calories at maintenance, I have to eat under 1000 to lose anything. Some of y’all really be out here eating 1800+ calories and not gaining. Do you know what I could do with those sweet, precious, glorious calories??? I’m absolutely projecting my insecurity onto others when I say this, but I just feel like tall people who are fat are failing so hard. Like, you can eat 1500 and lose weight, how are you fat at all? I know it’s mean I’m just so fucking jealous. I just want to have a normal meal without gaining 5 pounds.

No weigh-ins until September, who's *still* in? (update!)
/u/audreyhepburnwho [25F | 5'8 | cw 159 | hw 196 | sw 172 | lw 150 | ugw 145]
Created: Mon Aug 27 03:16:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9anfky/no_weighins_until_september_whos_still_in_update/
---
So I made a post a week ago about not stepping on the scale until September 1st. My motivation for this was a weekend long binge spree, after a while of very good restriction. I new if i saw the weight gain it would trigger me into bingeing more. And i knew once i saw the weight back down it might do the same.... Its a very thin line between a number that is high and makes me give up and one that is so low it makes me think "this is so easy i can totally binge again". I know it's ridiculous but it's not rational. I figured, if i dont know the number i have to stay on track no matter what to make sure I'm still losing.
The first week worked great. I haven't stepped on the scale, which also saves me a LOT of time usually spent calculating when I'll reach a certain weight if i eat a certain amount... Im just doing my absolute best i can each day.
At this point I'm not even sure if i want to weigh on September 1st. Because I'm doing so great, i kinda wanna keep going like this, and weigh when i feel i might be really close to goal. A part of me is still scared that the number wont be that good. Another part is scared it'll be so good that I'll lose motivation to continue as strictly as i have. But im sure whatever number i see when I do weigh-in again, will be much better than whatever i wouldve gotten last week post binge. Who's still going? What are your motivations and when do you plan on weighing?

testpost
/u/FunDragonfly7
Created: Mon Aug 27 03:10:58 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9anek0/testpost/
---


I JUST STUFFED MYSELF with a plate of vegetables
/u/ZoAbii [5"2 | 108.9lbs | 19.8 | Female]
Created: Mon Aug 27 02:46:38 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9anaj0/i_just_stuffed_myself_with_a_plate_of_vegetables/
---
and even tho I know that wont realistically make me gain, I know its gonna show on the scale if I weigh tomorrow bc I feel really heavy right now. I felt so light before. I got to a new low this morning since what I think is my relapse sooo:(

[Rant/Rave] i’m a big, f-t sad.
/u/planetskinny
Created: Mon Aug 27 02:45:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ana9l/im_a_big_ft_sad/
---
tw - cursing?

i’m miserable, hungry, and eating 60 calories worth of celery right now. it’s 20 minutes away from 2am and i restricted heavily yesterday. i hope i don’t binge tomorrow.

i fucking hate celery and i don’t know why i’m eating it? i guess that’s me with food in general. i try to make myself like food but i just don’t anymore and i’m blaming it on my pickiness and disordered eating.

great, now i’m c/s. CELERY FOR FUCK’S SAKE. someone tell me i’m not alone in this, please...

tdlr; i’m c/s celery and being a miserable fuck. also i restricted pretty heavily yesterday.

Hospital staff keep leaving me food and I hate it
/u/pmmesadclowns
Created: Mon Aug 27 02:32:44 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9an8bs/hospital_staff_keep_leaving_me_food_and_i_hate_it/
---
I know it’s their job and all but please leave me alone omg. I’m hospitalised for a non-ed reason and they’re giving me steroids and delivering me food then silently taking the full tray out of my room again an hour later it’s so embarrassing. I do quite like the tiny pots of orange juice but with the amount of steroids I’m on theres no way I’m eating.

Looking at nail art REALLY calmed my binge-resisting anxiety
/u/halfcigarette [5'4"| CW: too freaked to check | BMI:20ish | 22F]
Created: Mon Aug 27 01:48:15 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9an13j/looking_at_nail_art_really_calmed_my/
---
Hope this can work for you, too!


[Other] I just ate a whole pack of gum
/u/cookingwine2 [173CM | CW: 57.1KG | GW: 45KG | 16F]
Created: Mon Aug 27 01:47:50 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9an10w/i_just_ate_a_whole_pack_of_gum/
---
I mean I didn’t eat it, but I chewed it all. I don’t even know why, I think I was bored. Has anyone else done this? At least it only came to around 34 calories lol

[Help] Anyone in China? I'm desperate for safe foods
/u/bridesmaidandpoor
Created: Mon Aug 27 01:27:07 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9amxob/anyone_in_china_im_desperate_for_safe_foods/
---
I don't work in one place and am all over, so I got SO fat from buying food all the time. Cooking isn't an option because I rarely even have access to a kitchen. Help!

[Rant/Rave] Ugh.
/u/xStingx
Created: Mon Aug 27 01:10:43 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9amuxq/ugh/
---
Thought I could get out of eating at my job's taco party tonight. Nope. My coworker bought things specifically for me because I'm vegan. And I didn't want to be rude, nor did I have any other excuses so I ate two tacos and my other coworker bought me plain potato chips because she knows they're my favorite snack. So guess what I'm doing is today? Yup. Starving. Oh and hating myself.

[Rant/Rave] My mom might be jealous...?
/u/remiisme
Created: Mon Aug 27 01:08:45 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9amuln/my_mom_might_be_jealous/
---
Okay this might totally be me just justifying this Weird Ass behaviour on her part, but seriously she’s pissing me off. Get comfy folks cause this will be a long one.

So okay, I’ve been like on and off ‘disordered’ for about 6 years (since I was 14), but really got into the bulimic game when I was 16, but it took me about a year or so to lose any significant weight. I’m 5’5, 167lbs at the beginning, so yes clinically overweight. I got down to 145 before my mom said anything, keep in mind 145 is a healthy weight for my height AND it took me a YEAR to get there. (Yes, I know technically I wasn’t losing weight in a healthy way but seriously, why are we all here).

Of course she has no idea about the restricting and purging I had been doing, so to all outward appearances I was being healthy, finally getting over my awkward puberty weight gain and slimming down a little, but instead of being supportive or anything remotely positive she actually gets mad at me about it? I was in the kitchen, getting a snack of all things (so obviously I’m eating?) and she just looks at me and says “What are you doing? You’ve lost weight.” I just told I’d been trying to eat healthier (which was at least partially true, I had a pretty shit diet beforehand), and she kinda glares at me and says “Well you can stop now” in a really harsh tone. She’s not usually like that at all?

I could have gone into a whole thing about how “it’s my body so who gives you the right to tell me what to do with it?” Especially since I was actually at a healthy weight but I really didn’t want to get into it with her because when she starts to arguing it quickly becomes a huge shit show, so I just said “Okay?” And walked back to my room.

Literally like a Few Days later I’m sitting in my room minding my own damn business and she fucking BUSTS in the door and yells at me “You’ve been making yourself throw up, haven’t you?!” And like, yes okay I know I was, but don’t accuse me of doing what I was doing! And besides, what does she expect to accomplish by literally yelling at me for it?? I don’t think ever in the history of ever has screaming at someone made caused them to open up. So if course I just deny the entire thing and she’s going on and on about how there’s “vomit on the toilet” (which if there was it was very minimal - I’m thorough at covering my tracks) and all this other irrelevant shit and I’m pretty good at lying and keeping a straight face so I basically called her out like “do you even hear yourself right now? What kinda wild accusations are you throwing?” And eventually she left me alone.

For a bit of backstory here in the middle of this long ass story, my mom used to be pretty thin way back in the day, but she gained a lot of weight when she was pregnant with my younger brother and she never lost it. She’s tried lots of diets and whatever but she doesn’t stick to anything so nothing works, if anything she’s gotten even bigger. My brother is 15 now, so if she were going to lose the weight I’m pretty sure she would have lost it by now...

So anyway, after that whole incident nothing really happened and neither of us addressed it, so whatever.

I ended up plateauing for over a year at ~145 lbs, then around 8 months ago I did a fasting spree and got down to 124 at my lowest, but ended up gaining most of it back when I got into a relationship, so stuck around 135-140 for a couple months. I also moved out at pretty much the same time, and have been “living on my own” for the past six months, although my boyfriend and I spend every night together and he practically lives with me so not exactly.

Which brings up another point, bear with me cause it is related, but he’s been trying to lose weight since he lost a lot a couple years ago but ended up gaining it back cause he didn’t maintain his regiment, and recently he’s actually been doing very well at eating healthily and exercising every day, which turns out to be super triggering for me as I’m a Lazy Depressive™️ and can’t get out of bed most days, and there is no in between for Eating Nothing and Eating Absolutely Everything And Purging It All.

But he’s been out of town the last month for work which means I’ve truly been on my own and I’ve been binging and purging literally every single day but when I say purging I mean Purging Absolutely Everything, and I’ve lost 8 lbs since he’s been gone (just under a month now), so I’m back at 130 or just under, which is still technically a healthy weight, although still 20 lbs away from my goal.

Back to my original point, I’m in a play right now that my mom is directing and just today we had a rehearsal, and after it was over I was really hungry and also bored and goofing around so as people were getting ready to leave I was being silly and dramatic going “I’m so hungry! Feed me!!” just for laughs and my mom was like, “You should eat. You look thin.” Again, not in a compassionate way at all but like mad and accusing?? Then she said she was hungry too so we would figure something out for dinner but I Noped the fuck outta there real quick cause I knew that would lead to another ‘conversation’/accusation session.

Phew, okay, I know that was a long one. Many many thanks to those that made it all the way through. If not:

Tl;dr: my mom gets really pissed at me and yells at me whenever I lose weight, am not even close to underweight, literally she got mad at me for not being overweight any more.

What is up with this?? Does anyone else’s parents or friends/family react this way? I don’t look or act or lose weight really quickly like I have an ED, so for all intents and purposes I’m just being healthier. Not to mention I’m an adult now and she’s still harping on? I don’t even live with her anymore!

2 cents anyone and everyone, I’d really like to hear what you guys have to say about this.

[Other] Awkward Moments at Family Dinners
/u/worrxrrx
Created: Mon Aug 27 00:42:37 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ampzd/awkward_moments_at_family_dinners/
---
Just had the most awkward experience at a family dinner last night.

&#x200B;

I had put some salad on my plate and was moving it around with my fork instead of eating, and my visiting aunt was wondering why I wasn't eating. Then she and my uncle commented on how slim I was and they said that's how you do it, you have to watch what you eat. I could barely look up except at my mom and my little sister who both know about my ED and I felt so ashamed. She kept talking about it and saying things like I looked so much better than when she last saw me and that she wishes she had that kind of self control and all I'm thinking of is, wow I'm a pathetic person no one wants this kind of self control or self criticism.

&#x200B;

Idk I felt really awkward and wanted to share the story.

[Discussion] Where do you get your calorie information? How do you measure and track your food? Do you track macros as well?
/u/EDthrowaway8888 [5'6 | 142 | 22.9 | -24 | F]
Created: Mon Aug 27 00:28:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9amnns/where_do_you_get_your_calorie_information_how_do/
---
I see some posts (not on here, per se) of people’s meals and fairly often I see calorie counts that are way off according to what they say they ate. It’ll be like:

“Such a filling 250 calorie breakfast!”

But they’ll list (and show): 1 slice toast, 1 egg, 1/2 avocado and 1 oz cheese. No, this is not 250 calories. This is closer to 400.

For me, the most accurate way is MFP and cross referencing with USDA website if needed. I also scan many of the labels which makes it easy. And absolutely weigh in grams. I wish I wasn’t as obsessed, but it is what it is. What’s your method?

[Rant/Rave] Thank you chocolate
/u/dre-ezy [5’4 | CW 109 | GW 100 | 18FtM]
Created: Mon Aug 27 00:25:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9amn1x/thank_you_chocolate/
---
usually when i binge i turn to carbs and binge like 5000+ calories, this time i only had chocolate and only ate a little bit above maintenence when i was literally too sick to continue



[Discussion] Anyone else SUPER fucked up by "Nobody" by Mitski, or is it just me?
/u/neutralities
Created: Mon Aug 27 00:22:46 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ammmq/anyone_else_super_fucked_up_by_nobody_by_mitski/
---
"I've been big and small / and big and small/ and big and small again / and still nobody wants me, / still nobody wants me."

NOT TO BE DRAMATIC, but I've been listening to this song non-stop and this portion has me completely obsessing over it. It like perfectly encapsures my horrible relationship with my body, and my lack of actual relationships.

Mitski mentioned in her genius analysis of the song that it's about her body appearance, so I'm reassured I'm not reading too much into it anyway haha...

[Discussion] Anyone else use weed to fast/stop yourself from binging?
/u/notyouraveragefruit
Created: Mon Aug 27 00:21:21 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9ammdk/anyone_else_use_weed_to_faststop_yourself_from/
---
Most people say when they’re high, they get really hungry. But for me it’s kind of the opposite—whenever I eat when I’m high (no matter how much), I’ll end up getting sick the night of or the next day with stomach problems. This has inadvertently made me not feel hungry at all when high, which is especially useful at night when I’m most likely to binge. Idk if anyone else has this reaction to cannabis or not, was just curious!
Side note I’m mildly allergic to weed so maybe that has something to do with the reaction i don’t know and i don’t really care enough to stop lmao

Panera green tea?
/u/sylas69 [5’4 | 118 lbs | 20.25 | f]
Created: Sun Aug 26 23:59:30 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9amiaf/panera_green_tea/
---
So there’s a panera next to my school and their passion papaya green tea is really good, but do you guys think it’s healthy/does anything good for me? I know green tea is good for metabolism/something with weight. A large cup of the tea is 200 cals there but I figure it’d be ok to drink as long as I don’t have anything else. What do you guys think?

Stupidly funny things people say at parties
/u/i-want-to-be-little [5’2” | 18F | CW: 117 | GW: 105]
Created: Sun Aug 26 23:34:19 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9amdm8/stupidly_funny_things_people_say_at_parties/
---
“We don’t have anything for breakfast, but there are enough calories in the beer we’re drinking tonight that it counts for tomorrow”

Yikes but also same

Late night introspection about why I think I have an ED
/u/aworkinprogress_ [5'6 | 116.4 lbs | BMI 18.8 | UGW 102]
Created: Sun Aug 26 23:14:04 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9am9qa/late_night_introspection_about_why_i_think_i_have/
---
Like the anorexic stereotype, I’ve always been a total perfectionist. And it’s always really bothered me that I’m not “beautiful”. I’m not ugly, some people might even call me pretty. But I definitely don’t look like a model.

And I feel like from this point on, my attractiveness is kind of out of my control. I use the right conditioner, I wear natural looking makeup, I think I have pretty good fashion sense, I have a skincare routine that works for me. But I’m still not gorgeous. And I won’t be, really ever. My bone structure is kind of shitty, my eyes are too close together, my forehead is too small. And I can’t fix those things with makeup or skincare or drinking more water. They’re totally out of my control.

I feel like my ED is letting me live the lie that someday, if I really work for it, then I CAN look like a fucking model. That if I lose 15 lbs and go from a 19 to a 16.8 BMI, then my face will suddenly be amazing and all my problems will be gone. When in reality I’ve kind of done all that I can do in terms of making myself more attractive and I’m still not really that pretty because some things are just out of your control.

Idk if this makes sense at all or if y’all can relate lol but just what I’m thinking rn

[Rant/Rave] taking baby steps
/u/tsumanne [5'4" | hw 160 | cw 124 | gw 108]
Created: Sun Aug 26 22:51:33 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9am559/taking_baby_steps/
---
today, i deleted myfitnesspal. i want try my hardest to not count calories and obsess over my calories. i want to focus on eating healthy and nutrient-dense foods and exercising. i want to eat when i'm actually hungry, when my body needs the food and nourishment. not when i have "leftover calories" or when i'm emotional.

i know my eating is definitely still going to be disordered in some ways but i'm not going to let this ed suck away my whole life and my energy.
i will enjoy trying new foods and spending time with friends without freaking out and needing to log everything or making excuses to not eat.

i only have one body, and i'm not going to ruin it anymore than i already have.
my body cannot be sustained on just pepsi max and sweet potatoes. it deserves more, and the purpose of my life and of my body is not for me to lose weight. my purpose is to live.

i won't be leaving here anytime soon, but the support you all have given me and everyone else is amazing and i know it's helped so much. i love u all so damn much and i wish i could give each and every single one of u a big fat hug

also. does anyone know how i can get my period back? i haven't had mine for about 5 months and i know it's weird but i want mine back :/ my cycles are normally every 3-4 months and i want them to be more consistent. idk i just dont know much about this or where to start. like are there any foods i should eat more of or are there any vitamins i can take?

deleted mfp!
/u/tsumanne [5'4" | hw 160 | cw 124 | gw 108]
Created: Sun Aug 26 22:39:51 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9am2qq/deleted_mfp/
---
i decided today that i was gonna delete myfitnesspal and try my hardest to NOT count calories at all and instead focus on eating healthy instead of like shit and actually exercising. i want to eat when i'm hungry and not when i have "leftover calories" or when i'm upset. honestly it was hard to delete mfp it was so damn hard and whenever i eat something i feel like i have to log it but then i remember. oh i deleted it.... it's going to take a looonnng time to get used to not counting and i know my eating is probably still going to be disordered in a way but i don't want this ed to suck away my whole life and my energy. i want to enjoy new foods and time with friends and i want to take bites of foods without freaking out about how much i need to log for it. i'm still gonna be active on here n stuff but i wanna treat my body better and give it what it needs instead of restricting on literally just pepsi max and sweet potatoes!! i honestly love all of u guys for and all the support in this community is amazing
also does anyone know how i can get my period back? i haven't had mine for about 5 months and i want mine back :/ my cycles are normally like every 3-4 months and i want them to be more consistent idk i just dont know much about this or where to start. like are there any foods i should eat more of or are there any vitamins i can take? i know for sure that i'm not pregnant so sjcnznkci

Feeling happy and don't know where else to share 😊
/u/anhedonicandlaconic
Created: Sun Aug 26 22:33:32 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9am1gl/feeling_happy_and_dont_know_where_else_to_share/
---
Everyone around me at college is honestly so amazing and supportive and I don't even feel weird or out of place right now and it's making me really fucking happy like my friends/boyfriend/roomates all know about my mental health and they never push me to eat or make dumbass comments or laugh at me for talking about it and idk I'm just really grateful right now.

Probably going to delete this later but right now I'm just really fucking happy that I don't feel a need to hide and no one treats me like shit. Even on an institutional level, my college effectively banned my professors from penalizing me for not attending class or not turning in assignments if I'm having a really shit mental health time and skskskskskskssk feels good to be out of my highschool environment.

[Rant/Rave] College is ruining my recovery
/u/peanutbutterbananaa
Created: Sun Aug 26 22:31:11 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9am0zk/college_is_ruining_my_recovery/
---
Haven’t posted here in awhile, hope everyone is doing well <3

I started college about a week and a half ago, and with college comes fucking meal plans and eating in a dining hall. I’ve been half assing recovery for the better part of a year, but eating in front of people I’m not comfortable with is not something I’ll ever be able to do.

I’ve already lost five pounds and the only things I’ve consumed are Luna bars and energy drinks. I won’t be anywhere close to being able to eat in front of strangers anytime soon, so this is going to be a terrible year.

I’ve been fixated on weight and appearance since I’ve noticed the weight loss and it’s taking all I can do to prevent a full-on relapse but it’s just so fricking hard :( I’ve made decent progress and I’m sure it’s all gonna go to waste by the end of the semester.

How common are EDs?
/u/ital21978566556432f
Created: Sun Aug 26 22:15:48 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9alxvb/how_common_are_eds/
---
Okay like I know you can find the stats and percentages online but how many people with EDs have you encountered in your lifetime? I've only encountered one person whose admitted to having one but I get the feeling that way more people have EDs than the stats report. Anyone else get this feeling?

Finally away from the 150s.
/u/Hairless_Human [6' | CW 148.8 | BMI 20.2 | WL -131.2 |M 21]
Created: Sun Aug 26 22:11:01 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9alwwk/finally_away_from_the_150s/
---
148.8lbs! Thank you psyllium husk, Thank you naked juices. My ribs are poking out now without me having to suck in and its freakin awesome. I know lots of girls don't like skinny dudes but idgaf. Looking to loose another 48.8lbs.

Vyvanse helps a lot with interrupting my binge benders. But I'm considering switching to ritalin/adderal because my ADHD doesn't improve on Vyvanse.
/u/letstryforkarma
Created: Sun Aug 26 22:03:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9alva4/vyvanse_helps_a_lot_with_interrupting_my_binge/
---
Would this be a mistake?


My psych has specifically stated that he's only prescribing me Vyvanse for my ADHD. As you may know, it's been approved to treat binge eating as well. However, my psych wants me to deal with ED Services to address the ED.

I'm not in ED Services right now, but on the waitlist for a few more months. The Psych from ED services recommends non-stimulants to treat ADHD in patients with EDs. They are not covered by my insurance, and I also don't want non-stimulants for a few reasons.


My question is:

Has anyone here tried both Vyvanse and Adderal/Ritalin separately? I want to know if Vyvanse is superior to A/R in terms of fending off binges.


I know A/R are stimulants as well and suppress the appetite. I also figure that they could potentially also be approved to "treat binge eating" as well but the companies probably don't care enough to prove it in clinical studies.


**TLDR:** I'm prescribed Vyvanse for ADHD. It doesn't help with ADHD but does help with binge eating (as clinically proven by the makers of Vyvanse). I'm thinking of asking to switch ADHD meds but am afraid of losing the anti-binge benefits. Any experienced advice?

Even my issues have issues.
/u/dalgolak
Created: Sun Aug 26 21:40:13 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9alqcb/even_my_issues_have_issues/
---
Anybody else lose control over the weekend? Like I just kept shoveling food into my face hole and I feel so crappy now. I feel like my brain just keeps messing with me - I'll never be thin enough which means I'll never be good enough. Is it stupid of me to feel like nobody will take me seriously when I'm this gargantuous?

Idk. I guess I just don't have anybody to talk to which in turn makes me thing and overthink about everything making it 10x worse.

Tl;Dr sorry for the low self esteem rant

[Rant/Rave] [Rant] TFW someone says they just 'forgot to eat today'
/u/xz8362614455921r
Created: Sun Aug 26 21:32:28 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9alok0/rant_tfw_someone_says_they_just_forgot_to_eat/
---
Just, like, BRAG about it, why don't you?!

One of my roommates (who doesn't have an ED) is a huge trigger because she just legitimately forgets that food exists? If only!

If I weren't obsessing over food 24/7, I wouldn't binge. I wouldn't obsess over trying to starve again. I couldn't stop obsessing over food/eating in my wildest dreams!!

(Sorry if this is not-relatable!! Had to get it off my chest xo)

[Other] I was stressed so I sketched a few things I’m looking forward to; feeling confident in my dream dress and eating miso paitan with a char siu pork bun. It’s the only time I won’t mind fasting for a couple days before hand.
/u/MyBunnyisMean
Created: Sun Aug 26 21:19:17 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9alljv/i_was_stressed_so_i_sketched_a_few_things_im/
---
https://i.redd.it/j1q1pexe0ki11.jpg

Revenge weight loss?
/u/faelynnavi
Created: Sun Aug 26 20:58:54 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9algku/revenge_weight_loss/
---
[removed]

In which I weighed steel using my doctor's scale
/u/ScottSteinerPhD [5'8" | CW: 109 | 16.4 | 30M]
Created: Sun Aug 26 20:56:31 2018
Permalink: http://reddit.com/r/proED/comments/9alg15/in_which_i_weighed_steel_using_my_doctors_scale/
---
I'm so embarrassed. I need several ounces of steel to repair my arm from a recent injury where I split my humorous. How do I know it's several ounces? I actually snuck the example pieces out of my doctor's office AND WEIGHED MYSELF AND THEM ON THEIR OWN SCALE AT THE NURSES STATION. And OF COURSE I got caught in the act by one of the nurses. Why am I like this, plz just shoot me lol

What you post vs what you wish you could post.
/u/scaledrops
Crea